Girl on Guy with Aisha Tyler - girl on guy 210: awesome listener question show 2015

Episode Date: December 29, 2015

it's the awesome listener question show for 2015! some things never change.  and some things do. girl on guy is happy it took the red pill.

This is Girl on Guy. Hey, everybody, welcome to Girl on Guy 210. This is the awesome, all-listener questions show for 2015. It is here. It is happening. It is now. And to start off, I just want to thank you guys. This show ends up being me reading a lot of your thank yous.

So I want to thank you right off the bat for listening to the show for supporting this show for the last five years. It's been a joy to make it for you. Sometimes perfect. sometimes rocky, but always a source of joy to me. So thank you for listening. Thank you for writing. Thank you for all writing in. Many, many people wrote in. I could not read everybody's letters. I have a selection here that I will read. And I'm just going to read people's first names. You'll know who you are. I don't want to put you on blast. And, you know, all of a sudden, the guy up the street's coming down and talking to you about your personal problems. But I will read your first name and you'll know who you are. I do want to say right away before we start the show that this episode, first of all,

this episode of Girl and Guy is brought to you in part by the Thursday Boot Company. And it's winter. It's winter. Well, not in Los Angeles. It's never winter in Los Angeles. But everywhere else in the entire northern hemisphere, it is winter. And you need a good pair of boots. And for a long time, you were forced to decide either between like super delicate fashion boots that made you feel good and look good or clunky work boots that were uncomfortable but practical. And either one made you sad for various reasons. or they were just so expensive you wanted to punch somebody in the face. Well, Thursday Boot Company exploded under the scene last year with a perfect combination of boots for both work and playing, not two different sets of boots.

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for years to come. So go to Thursdayboots.com slash girl on guy to check out some of the best, sexiest, nicest boots out there. They're gorgeous. They're well made. The leather is incredible. They They're beautifully designed, well-made. These are the boots for you. Go to Thursdayboots.com slash girl-on guide at check out a selection of my favorite boots. And get yourself a nice pair of boots. Treat yourself. Forget buying stuff for other people.

You deserve a nice pair of boots. Thursday boots. Work hard. Play hard. Live every day like it's Thursday. Check it out. All right. I'm going to start with, I'm going to just dive right in with some questions here from you guys.

And the first question is from Kelly. And her question is, what are your thoughts on the concept of work-life balance? It is a mystery to me when you sleep based on everything you are doing. And that's not, yeah, that's a question. And then a little bit of a statement. Hi, Kelly. Okay, so let me just say this about that. I have no work-life balance.

Let's just say that right off the bat. I work all the time. I'm a workaholic. I am haunted by my obligations. And I'm working very hard to change that. It's been, I love to work. I think I've established that when I've talked on the show, how much I enjoy being busy and the kind of the power of industry to energize one's mind.

And I also feel like for me, anyway, my brain under stress performs at a higher level. Some people, everyone's brains are different. We talked about introversion and extroversion on this show many, many times in the last few years. For some people, stress shuts their brain down. For mine, it makes all of the fight and or flight chemicals kick in. and the penny taste of panic that I've mentioned before lights a fire under my ass, and I tend to be incredibly effective.

But I think I have probably found my tipping point in this last year. A low level of stress that has just been simmering under the surface for me all year has resulted in some, I would say, some legitimately negative effects. And I am exhausted. I have been sick for, I would say,

a majority of the year off and on. And more than that, I'm finding that that panic, which used to feel like acceleration is starting to feel like dreads. So 2016 for me is going to be a time where I'm going to start to minimalize, reduce but not eliminate my obligations. And the reason I started this question off as the first question of the show is to let everybody know that the nature of the way that I deliver girl and guy is about to change radically. Now, many of you have written in, and none of which I'm

reading, to say, I'm so worried about you and you're a workload and I worry that girl and guy is going to go away. Well, growing guy is not going to go away. But I was concerned, considering it going away for most of the year. I thought, God, what can go? The girl and guy is something I love, but it doesn't make money. It's a purely a joy project. And how do I keep this going when I'm so stressed out that I want to cry every morning into my scrambled eggs? Well, it's not going to go away because I don't want it to go away, even though it seems like the easiest choice. But it is going to, for a little while, start to take a nap. So you have been getting girl on guy. spotally, but relatively effectively, every single week for the foreseeable future, not forever,

but at least for the foreseeable future. And I'm saying maybe for the rest of the season, rest of this season, season five, going guy's going to be a monthly show and not a weekly show. And that is because right now I am on four television series, the talk, criminal minds, who's that is in any way, an archer. And I'm also launching courage in stone as a business. I already had to stop doing stand-up because I couldn't travel anymore because of those obligations. and I'm also not sleeping.

So in order to not give up Girl and Guy entirely, I am reducing it to a monthly show. I'm going to try to give you one great, long, juicy episode every month. The show is free, so no complaining. And that will be the way that I can make sure that I still actually do the show at all. Separately, the first 200 episodes are going to go behind a paywall. So if you're already a Girl on Guy subscriber,

you'll have access to all 200 of those episodes via the app, which you can get by going to Girlong Guy.net, clicking on the upgraded premium banner. It's very, very cheap, the subscription. It is literally less than 70 cents a month, a month. I think it's $2.99 for $1.99 for a month and $4.99 for six months and $8.99 for the year. It's something paltry, but it works out to about $0.70 a month. And that is going to allow me to stop advertising so much because I don't like reading ads.

I don't want to read ads. I want to just make show. and because the show really isn't a big cash cow for me anyway, I want to bring it to you in as simple way as I can. So that's going to happen after the first of 2016. Some of you are protesting. Some of you are crying. The most recent 10 episodes will still remain free

and you'll be able to get them via iTunes or RSS feed or Stitcher or however you can consume the show. But the back library, the back catalog of episodes is going to go behind a pay wall. And that is that I don't have to worry so much about advertising and I can bring you the show in a way that fits into my life and doesn't make me want to burst into tears every time it is Monday night and I have to get the show up for Tuesday. So that's the answer to that question and a long

one at that. For those of you who again have been sent into paroxysms of rage about the fact that the show is no longer totally free but only mostly free, just understand that it was a choice between the end and this choice, this alternative, which is to just do a bit less, bring you the best interviews that I can and not lose my mind. But there are lots of ways to see me out in the world for TV shows, a new boost company, and the podcast is not going away. So I think that's a good thing. I think that's good news. And I hope that everybody understands that because I am and have always been a one-woman band, no producers. And let me just actually explain that It's not just the production end, because so many people are so sweet, they write it and they go,

hey, I'll help you produce the show, I'll help you post it, I'll be your editor, I'll be your PA. It's not that. I'm now spending every morning the talk from like 7 to noon, and then every afternoon and evening at Criminal Minds until 10 or midnight, and so I'm not sleeping. But more than that, I don't have the actual time to do the interviews. You know, I'm trying to get some famous actor or a musician or artist, and I'm like, hey, I'm only available on like Saturday between, you know, two and four, and they're like, oh, fuck yourself.

So it was really that I didn't have the time to do these interviews anymore. And so that's what's going on with the show. And for those of you have been long-time listeners, and even the ones that are new and passionate, please stick with me. There are 240 episodes available to you, almost 250. 210 as of today and 38 exclusives. So almost 250 episodes available to you for a poultry 70 cents a month. And like I said, the most recent 10 episodes will always be available for free on iTunes on the website.

and via whatever device or system you have been getting it thus far. Okay, let's move on from that long apolloja. That was like a pre-apaloga, right? Top of show, Apoloja. This next question comes from Kat, who says, I love your podcast, and it's helped me get through the giant amount of paperwork that is my job right now, so thank you for keeping me sane and entertained, even if I sometimes look like a crazy person,

for laughing out loud at my desk for no apparent reason. I've heard you mention that you were best man at your friend's wedding, was wondering if you had any advice for a fellow female best man. My best friend's getting married in February. I'm totally freaking out about giving a speech. He's been my best friends since we were 13, and all of my stories about him are way too inappropriate to tell in front of his five-year-old son, his fiancee and his parents. What kind of things did you say at your friend's wedding, and are there any cliches I should avoid? Okay, well, Cat. I'll say, first off, that I don't know that I did a very good job of telling appropriate stories in front of his family and fiancé.

He didn't have a kid. That definitely puts a damper on things. It's no fun telling dirty stories when there's a little person in the room. It's just, I mean, you know, it's not your fault. They have a kid. You didn't get him in his girl pregnant. But, you know, now the kid's there,

and what are you going to do? I told most of my inappropriate stories at the Bachelor weekend and at the rehearsal dinner. And then at the wedding, I just talked about how much I loved him, you know? And that was true. I just said, this is probably my oldest friend in the world.

someone who has stuck with me through thick and very, very thin. And I think the thing that I said that was most personal and meaningful to me, and also I think apropos of the moment was I just talked about how happy I was to see somebody who I'd loved for such a long time, so in love with someone who was going to take care of him and be his best friend and how happy I was to have a sister. And that was absolutely how I felt, and it has remained thus since they got married. He got married and I got a brand new sister and I told her both sober and drunk that I loved her and that she was family.

So, you know, when you're the woman who's been in a guy's life for longer than his future wife, it's always important to befriend her because, you know, it doesn't matter whether he keeps insisting that you're just friends, you're just friends, you have to establish that you're not a threat. So it's always important and I think a good idea to tell her how much you love her as well in front of everybody because there's always some people in the way. wedding party or the event they're going to go, well, what the fuck? He's got a best man and she's a lady. They must be boning. And you probably did bone at one point, but it's over now. So tell everybody out there how much you love him and how happy you are that he's in love with her and how you are so happy to have a brand new sister and that will go great. Whether any of that advice was cliched or not, I cannot say, but that is how it went down in my situation. And as I mentioned before. Me and this lovely lady are now very close friends, and I do count her as family. So,

there's that. All right. Here's some stuff about the show. The show's kind of arranged in sections, I guess topical sections. I don't know, because I'm super OCD and I have to do things like organizing. But when I say loosely, I mean fucking loosely. So here's a question. Well, it's not a question. It's a statement about the show, Girl and Guy from Greg, who says, Love Your Girl on Guy podcast, hating the fact that every time I type it in, I'm fearing the great firewall of General Motors, SWAT teams springing down from the rafters and sending me off to some undisclosed location because they think I'm accessing porn. Well, sir, I have the same problem occasionally when I'm on the CBS lot, so know that you have company. Occasionally I cannot look at my

own fucking show. So hopefully that makes you feel better about your life. And adds a bit of intrigue to your day. He makes it interesting, right? Wee. Good times. Julie says, please bring back your girl on guy gray t-shirt, save an auto stock for a year. Help me. Help you help me. Julie, there will be brand new t-shirts on the website. Sometime in the first part of 2016, we are doing a website reboot and also a t-shirt reboot. And while the reboot of the site is happening, we cannot add new shirts to the store. But please have patience. There will be new girl-and-guy t-shirts.

Limited edition girl-and-guy t-shirts coming out, quarter one, sometime between January and March of 2016. Hang in there. Alexia. Alexia says that she is starting a new podcast. Let's see. She says, I'm starting a new campaign. It started as a website, linked to Instagram, called Amps Connected, Amps Connected, and will now be taken into the podcast world in the upcoming week. I'm sure with this back in September. I'm excited about the launching of the new podcast and would like a few if I knew them what I know. Pointers from one of my podcast role models. How are your interviewees chosen? What is your editing process, et cetera? I record on my iPhone 5 and edit using garage band. am trusting process. Okay, AMP or Alexia. First of all, you can find the tech setup for my podcast by going to growlingu guy.com.

And scrolling down to the very bottom where the tech notes are there that tells you exactly how I record the show. The mics, the cords, where I got them, links to get the products. I actually cut in Final Cut Pro, as I've said before on the show, because I didn't want to learn new software. I knew Final Cut already, and I didn't want to learn GarageBand. So that's either here nor there. I often say that I use a Maserati to go to the supermarket, but that's the software that I understand, and so that's the software that I use. If I knew then what I know now, well, you know, I've learned as I've gone along.

I've learned to leave a few of the flaws in the show. I think in the beginning I was hyper vigilant about editing perfectly, and now I just kind of let the show be what it is. I really don't do any cutting or editing of any kind unless there's some massive mistake or somebody goes to the bathroom. Trust your voice, trust your ideas, trust your instincts, know what your strengths are. For example, I like to really discover things about the person in the conversation, so I try not to over-research the show. Occasionally that means that I miss some massive topic that people are dying to hear about.

But for me, it's more important that I discover new things about the person that maybe people haven't heard before, and that I don't cover the same ground that other shows or interviews have covered. And so occasionally that results in me making a wide detour around some very important area about a person's life or work history. And I can't do anything about that. I'm not trying to be all things, all people. I'm just trying to be girl and guys. So you know what? This is turning into an episode of a lecture company, but you should just be yourself. And don't be too hard on yourself. Realize that it's not going to be perfect. Try to be consistent. Try to get to show up every week. And just try to be truthful and forthcoming with your listeners who will respect the fact

that you are yourself and will connect with you, I think, more quickly and more deeply. All right. Andrea says Okay, this is interesting. I super, super love your show and I think you're a fantastically interesting person and a great interviewer. That's very kind. I'm so grateful to get to hear

these awesome stories that you bring out all the time and I also hate being an asshole. Don't we all, Andrea? But I just have to ask if you have listened back to your shows and noticed how many times you're mhm-hmming while people are talking. I know that I'm a tonal misophonic person. I learn that word listening to Melanie Linsky

on what the fuck and totally realized all my problems, but I'm also a lawyer. I'd have to listen to lots of people. I love Melililinski. He was also been on my show. You can find that show by going to the archive. I'm also a lawyer. I'd have to listen to lots of people dishing out long diatribes and various dialogue all the time. From that viewpoint, maybe I'm an outlier. It totally takes me out of what's being said and makes me focus on the interior drinking game of how many mm-hmms am I going to hear, which I do in court all the time. Whatever the case, just wanted to let you know this tiny, this tiny, ridiculous point of hopefully constructive criticism because I really love your show,

truly think you're great at it, but just selfishly would love it if this one piece of advice would sneak into it. You know your shit. Your guests love you. You don't have to give affirmations to them that you're listening. Well, Andrea, that's interesting. Some people have mentioned that. Some people have not. I will say that, apropos of the previous question, I try to just be myself. And for some reason, when I'm listening to people, I do want to give them affirmations. I do want to let them know that they're being heard. and that is how it manifests itself. I am aware of it. I try to dial it back,

but I'm not going to just do a bunch of modifying of my own behavior in order to satisfy a small portion of my listening public. And that is why this show is mine, and for the most part, this show is free. And so as a result, I just kind of make it the way that I want. I'm not a broadcaster, and I'm not a journalist. I'm just a person making a show.

And as I described it at Podcast Movement this summer, this is my particular shitty ash. tray that I made in shop, and it's not perfect, but it is mine. Zachary says, if you could interview a guy or girl who's passed, I'm assuming passed on and not passed for the other gender, in the last 20 years, who would it be? And what would you need to ask them? Man, well, the last 20 years, that's good. I probably want Robin Williams, I think, and I don't know. Yeah, he's rad. George Carlin, I had Kelly Carlin on the show. She was pretty amazing to interview him. I don't know what I'd ask them. You know, I like to ask people

lots of things. Maybe what was the biggest challenge in their career? What was the biggest transformational moment? I'm not a big, like, this is the question. I always want to hear everybody's self-inflicted wounds. So I think I always want to know what these people's self-inflicted wounds would be. I think there was a time when I wanted to interview Bill Cosby, but we know what his self-inflicted wound is. So, yeah, you know, those great comedians probably, interestingly enough. I'd love to get a crack at the president, but Mark Maren beat us all to it.

Paul says, How do you choose your advertisers? Are you really thrilled in podcasts or advertising free? Or is it just the case that advertisers do not want to advertise that week? And his impolite question is, how much revenue do people generate from these sponsors? I heard $8 per audible purchase,

but I do not know whether that makes advertising worthwhile. Well, Paul, I'm not going to tell you how much money I make from advertising. It is enough to keep the lights on. It is not millions of dollars. It is just enough to cover the night of the show, the cost of holding the shows to servers that then syndicate the shows out to Apple and Stitcher

and various other sources. So it pays for my syndication costs and a bit for the rent on the bunker. But nothing life-changing at all. I have an advertising agency that brings me advertisers and then I decide whether I want to read their ads or not. And there have been a few times in the past where I've read an ad that later,

I was like, I really wish I didn't have that in the show. And as a result, I'm much more picky about advertisers. And I am genuinely thrilled when the podcasts are advertising free. I don't know. I just want this to be a pure experience. But I also realize that, you know, paying for the podcast out of pocket for an undefined amount of time is not a feasible or manageable business model. So I don't mind the advertising, but I don't love it.

And that's just the truth, dear advertisers. All right. Monty says, do you ever feel that on all the platforms you give yourself to that you are giving too much? Do you ever think you are sharing too much or giving too much of yourself to the world and the fans? I hope not because your ability to make me feel like I'm sitting in the girl and guy bunker is one of the reasons I follow everything you're due. You do. I feel like I'm sure many other fans of the podcast do that I know you in a way that you want all of us to know.

And I think that is the real you. Keep on keeping on every Tuesday or later, not one bit mad at you for having to wait. Thank you so much, Monty. I get excited for the next conversation with you. Well, Monty, thank you. You know, I don't know that I ever feel that I give it to. Yeah, occasionally I do. Occasionally I feel like, man, I wish I'd kept a little bit more of myself a secret there.

Not for an ongoing period of time, but, you know, occasionally. You know, it's, I just, it's easier. There's an old saying, and I don't know who said it, but it's tell the truth. and then you never have to remember a story. It might be Hemingway. It might be somebody else. Or the gist of it is tell the truth that's easier. I find being myself to just be easier

than trying to maintain some kind of shadow of artifice. I try not to give up everything about myself. I mean, everyone has their own kind of personal interior life. They like to keep in shadow. But for the most part, it's just easier to be myself and speak freely. It's just simpler. and I try to see whether I can feel the little kind of the little bile rush of regret in the back of my throat when I feel like I've said too much and sometimes I dial it back.

But I don't know. When I share myself with the world, typically what I get is a positive response from people who have gone through something similar and feel more connected with me and maybe by association feel their burden is lighter because of it. So if I can help somebody by sharing my experiences, that's really my goal. And then that makes it worthwhile. It makes all of the revelation and the divulgence worthwhile. So that's the deal about sharing my personal stories with people. And, you know, I mean, I'm just too tired to come up with other shit. All right, Elise says, my question for your upcoming show is, how do you cope best with stress while maintaining a positive attitude? Currently, my husband and I are dealing with the parts of life that are supposed to make you stronger, yet I feel myself more often than not going to the dark side. Wanting to give up, not looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, or four. the light at the end of the tunnel. And it made me curious as to what approach you might take. How do you find the strength and the courage to go on during the days when you all, all you want to

do is to give up. Thank you for reading this. You are a cast and I wish you nothing but continued success. Thank you, Elise. You're lovely. Elise, so two things. I mean, one is some people are just innately either optimistic or pessimistic. And unfortunately for me, I think my default state is optimism. And I say, unfortunately because sometimes I just want to be at a shitty mood or sad and I can't even like rest in a bad mood which I think sometimes can be very delicious you know man things are going on my way I want to see hear and feel sorry for myself I just my default mode is kind of like oh well that's sucked moving on and so that's that's not really advice because not everybody some people's default mode is fuck me

this is a nightmare right and that's a terrible place to be all the time but I think that one of the things I try to remind myself of is that well there's two there's like a really simple kind of facile, simplistic way, and then there's a more sophisticated way. The facile, simplistic way is this. My dad always does this, and I've talked about my father being also a default optimist, and the kind of person who, if his house was on fire,

would go get a stick in marshmallows. But my father often says something as kind of glib as, well, at least you're not in the Sudan, or Bosnia, or whatever awful places happen, or terrible things are happening in the world at that time. And you've got all your fingers and toes, and, you know, he loves to kind of, but he's right. The fact of the matter is that no matter how bad it is for you, someone has it worse. And you might say, well, that doesn't make me feel any better, but it should. It really should because I think once you get perspective on how much worse it could be,

it just kind of helps you rearrange your, maybe not rearrange the components of your life, but rearrange how you perceive them. And, you know, shit is really fucked up for a lot of people in a lot of places. And as the old quote goes, life is a nasty, brutish, and short for a large percentage of human beings living on the planet. And so, you know, when I'm getting a latte at the Starbucks or watching television on my DVR, I think, you know, God, this is a rarefied thing. I'm not even talking about the fancy shit people do in this business where they're flying private or, you know, somebody brings them their breakfast. But just simple shit like, you know, binge watching something on Netflix, watching watching watching,

dead, having enough food to eat. I mean, just basic stuff. And I know I don't want to be dismissive of whatever personal experiences you're going through, and I'm not. I mean, everybody's pain is their own, right? Everybody's terrible experience is their own and their agony and their anguish is their own. And I don't ever want to diminish it. But for myself, a lot of times reflecting on how good I have it comparatively really does help me. The more sophisticated way of looking at it is the nasty, brutish and short comment, which is that being alive, being here, human is in and of itself, just fucking hard. It's just hard. It's just difficult for everybody. And, you know, at times it's transcendent and mind-altering and joyful and exhilarating.

And other times it just fucking sucks. But if you realize that the suckage is temporary, as the transcendent moments are also temporary, everything is transitory. This is very a Buddhist perspective. Sorry if I'm getting hippie-dippy here. Nothing is permanent. if you realize that nothing is permanent, then you also can hopefully realize that your state of anguish is also impermanent and focus on the fact that it will pass, even if it feels agonizing and interminable, it will pass.

And then some days I just give up. I say, fucking, I'm sitting on the couch and watch a TV all day and everybody can go fuck themselves. And I think that's a valid response to you. You can't have that response every day, but a well-placed go-fuck yourself can instantaneously change your perspective and make things much more enjoyable

and give you a certain amount of sidelong glee. So there's that. But, you know, sometimes I'm tired. I don't want to go forward. But I also feel like this is, now this is the third glib answer to your very serious question, and it's about being a teenager

and like not wanting to do your homework and thinking to yourself, if you are the child, well, I'm not doing my homework. Everyone else wants me to do stuff. I don't want to do this stuff. And I'm not going to do what you want me to do. I'm not doing this for you. And what you don't realize, and when you're a teenager,

is that it doesn't hurt your parents if you don't do your homework. And it doesn't hurt your teachers if you don't do your homework. You're only hurting yourself. So anything you're doing to move yourself forward, to move your own goals forward, the strength of your creative life, your work life, your personal life, your family life, whatever you're doing to advance your own goals,

the person who benefits from that effort is you and no one else. And you've just got this one, run at being on this planet. And so you, my dear friend, you, my dear Elise, are 100 fucking percent worth it. You are worth your own effort. You are worth your own optimism. You are worth every bit of time and energy and pain and suffering and delight and struggle that you put into being a lease. And so remind yourself of that, that you are worth doing. All right, Nicole, I'm currently listening. Okay, this is a two-part question, a question, and then I actually read you my response because I wrote Nicole back right after she wrote with this sometime in October.

Nicole says, hi, I'm currently listening to your 200 episode with Kelly Carlin. Congratulations on 200 episodes, by the way. I wanted to say something about the Ned Flanders question comment you made. Maybe I interpreted it wrong, but to me, it sounded. like you insinuated that if they grow up around drugs, they will do drugs. Were you questioning why people would do that? I don't understand where you were going with that. Parenthetical for me, Aisha Kelly's father, George Carlin and his mother, his mother and her mother, both struggled with substances, George with drugs and Kelly's mom with alcohol. And then she later had a problem with substances as well, and we were discussing the fact that when people say, oh my God, how can you

be doing drugs when your parents had such a hard time with it? And you know how you know how bad it is, and I was saying how that seemed very naive because it's widely documented that the children, the offspring of addicts are addicts themselves. Okay, back to Nicole's letter. Both my parents have been addicts, and it took my father's life. My siblings and I all have addictive personalities, but because we were aware and realized what drugs were doing to our parents' lives, we stayed away from them because of our awareness and realizing at a young age that substances could ruin and change your life, we never touched them. So that Ned Flander's question can be asked by people. I was using Ned Flanders as kind of a little, hey, buddy, why are you

doing drugs when your parents were addicts? That was the Ned Flanders reference that I used during that episode. I most likely interpreted your statement wrong, but what were you trying to imply or say? Well, Nicole, first of all, I'm going to read my response and then I'll elaborate. Here is my response back to Nicole. Hey there, Nicole. I was not saying that because someone grows up around drugs, they will absolutely do drugs, but it is widely well researched and established science, and I'm sure you have encountered this, that the children of addicts are far more likely to suffer from addiction themselves. Again, it's not inevitable, but it's highly correlative. Many children of addicts stay far away from substances for their entire lives, but sadly,

a great many fall into addiction in spite or more likely due to their own painful experiences with their addicted caretakers. I am so happy that you and your siblings were able to escape that terrible merry-go-round. And just to elaborate, right. You know, I think any question is a valid one, but I do think that when someone looks at the child of an alcoholic or the child of an addict and they're shocked that that person struggles with addiction, that it is because they don't understand the psychology of addiction and how that culture can infect an entire family behaviorally. And in terms of the fact that, you know, typically the children of addicts are victims of neglect, right? They're not being parented properly.

And alcohol and drugs are a great way to manage your feelings when you have not been taught how to manage them without substances. You see your parents managing their feelings with the substances and you say to yourself, well, it might not be the most effective way, but it seems to have worked for them. So no, not every child of an addict becomes an addict themselves, but it's widely established that that is a terrible byproduct of addiction, an addicted, parenting. And I'm really happy for you, Nicole, that you did not fall into that trap. I really am. I think that was exciting to hear. And I'm so happy for you and your family, your siblings. All right, moving on to something much lighter, much, much fucking lighter, although addictive, nonetheless,

Zach asks, I just want to know how you knew about Fallout 4 back at 2013 when you were on a Reddit AMA. You said you were excited for it. Well, Zach, I am a gaming psychic. No, I spend a lot of time at E3, which is the big convention every year. I think it's called the Electronic Entertainment Expo, where they reveal all the games that are being developed and coming down the pike, and I always do a big press conference for Ubisoft at that big conference.

And so I get scuttlebutt way before everybody else. And so I knew they were developing Fallout 4 back then. I had heard about it. I'd heard it was going back to Bethesda, which is the company that did Fallout 3, but not the company that did Fallout New Vegas. And so I was very excited because I played just more than 200 hours of Fallout 3.

Fall Out of War is sitting in the bunker, unopened, because my life is that fucking tragic. And that leads into this next question from a Brian who says, what games do you like to play? I am a wow guy, older PS2. By the way, love the podcast. Thanks for all you do. Brian, God bless you. I love Fallout. Obviously, I'm also a Gears of Warhead, and I'm an old-school halo lover, and I've played every Halo title.

And I've actually been in both a Gears. I was in Gears of War III, and I was also in Halo, not OEST. Oh, geez, which Halo game was I in? This is what it's come to, ladies and gentlemen. You're listening to me, have a real life stroke, and I cannot remember which game I was in Halo games. I'm literally Googling this as we sit here. That's how sad this is.

Sad. I'm a sad person with a brain that does not work. And it wasn't three. and it wasn't two, it wasn't four, it was reach. There we go. All right. The internet saved me once again. How did I function before the internet?

I am still playing The Last of Us, which means that I stop playing and I intend to go back and I haven't been able to play. That's what that means. And I love that game. But I just, I don't have the bandwidth. I used to have a Saturday. I used to have a Saturday just to fuck around and just bathe myself in the sparkling, warm, waters of a make-believe world. And now I don't have that time. And I'm really disappointed in myself and in others. My email just went off. I can't believe my computer was not silenced. I'm not cutting

that out of the show, guys. As I said earlier, I'm letting the imperfections live. And I'm about to get on a plane at the crack of dawn tomorrow, and I will not be able to. I've got to get the show up before I fly. So this is going to be the sloppiest of my homemade ashtrays that I've ever made in the history of Girlong Guy. And here we go. Moving on to something. else in the world of culture and art. Nathan asks, for the third year in a row, I'm going to ask you about what music you've enjoyed this year. My favorites this year have been churches,

tame Impala, Varuka Salt, Maryland Manson, Thunderbitch, which is the best name for a band after Pussy Riot. First Pussy Riot, then Thunderbitch, then the next band that Nathan likes, sex witch. Come on, Nathan, you have impeccable taste. I have no idea if those bands sound good, but the names, I want to eat them with a fork, dry, no sauce.

Prodigy, dead weather, and I'm sure I'm missing a few. Anyway, what have you been listening to? Anything, jump out, and will there be more live archer shows? Well, Nathan, Nathan in Nashville, we are probably going to do more live archer shows but when I cannot tell you, because everybody is so busy doing other things. You know, Judy's got her show married, and Jessica was just doing two other series,

and I'm doing my 43 jobs, and John's doing his 43 jobs, and Chris Parnell is just running around dripping jeans, everywhere he goes. And so it's mainly about getting everybody's schedules together. But I do hope we'll do more live archer shows. And I will make sure to let you guys know. And you know, you can always follow me online on Twitter and Facebook to make sure that you get the news as it happens. Here's the music that I have been listening to and or bought this past year. And I want to say, for the record, some of it is not new. Some of it is very old. And I just discovered these artists now. And that's because I'm an old lady. But here it goes. Leon Lahavas, who I think is a British artist, and I love her music.

Now, Silver's on Pickups, brand new album this year, you know I love them, and I want to eat their faces off, but not in a creepy way, although that did sound creepy. Vancouver Sleep Clinic, if you ever wanted somebody to replace the gaping hole that is the loss of Bonnie Bear, Vancouver Sleep Clinic is adorable kind of Bonnie Bear sound alike, but I love that sound, and I think that music's super groovy to kind of lie back to and mowl over the broken mortals of your life. Alicia Cara is a brand new young artist who has a song called, oh God, what is it called? I'm here or something like that, or I'll be here, or I'm leaving here. And I saw her on TV, and her first single is so great. Here, it's called Here. It's such a, she's a writer. She's got a great voice, and her lyrics are herrious.

So check that out. If you can see her video for Here on YouTube, and even the video is pretty dope. Kendrick Lamar, okay? Because I don't care how many people love. Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar is amazing. And that is the end of that. His music is so great. Every time my assistant, my assistant's young. People have heard of Jerry on the show. My assistant Jerry is younger than me. I'm not going to say how much younger because he'll know how old I am, but I'm old. And the internet will tell you anyway. But he's a youngster. He's in his 20s.

And he is always bringing me new music. And every time he plays Kendrick, I'm like, wait, this is Kendrick Lamar? And I own the album. I'm like, oh, fuck, Kendrick Lamar. So if you love hip-hop or even if you don't, even if you like punk or weird kind of artistic, interpretive shit, or just someone with the badassery shot through him, Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar's album. I'm sure he's going to get a million, or he has gotten a million Grammy nominations, and he's going to get a million Grammy wins, and I hope so, because he's just super interesting, and his writing and his words are super interesting.

Isn't he? I don't know. Maybe that album came out two years ago. Is that, am I pathetic? Okay, you can write it and tell me how that I'm, I'm wrong. He won't get any Grammys this year because his album came out of a years ago. That song, We're Gonna Be All Right, is like such a great track. You can also watch that on the internet. The weekend, yeah, okay, I don't have to articulate why I like the weekend.

Adele, because everybody in the world loves Adele, including, like, you know, babies and old ladies and dogs and butterflies. And, like, your buddy at work was resting bitch face. Everybody loves Adele. And then this is an artist that I don't know if I mentioned on the show before. I'm so into. His name is Fink. He's a British artist. And I heard, and I heard. this song, I think it was called Perfect Darkness. I think it might have been a song, I think I might have heard it on Walking Dead. And then I went and bought that song, and then I went and bought every single thing that Fink has ever made. His music is so interesting and haunting and weird and evocative, and it's great car music. It's great music for listening to the car when you're just trying to, I don't

know, sing to yourself about your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, and those that haven't realized and those yet to come. And, uh, yeah, he's pretty great. So the album, perfect darkness is a great album, but all of his albums are great. And I love him. And I think he's so super fucking great. All right. Did I say it was great? He's great. I won't get any money from any of these endorsements. So keep your panties on. All right. Alexander asks, uh, do you ever experience any, this is more about culture and art. I think we're moving into the television section of the questions. Did you ever experience any disorientation when you first started acting for television between the time it takes for you to do a project and the time it takes for it to be

released? After all, you do your work and then it's done and you go live your life and move on to a new project. The past is always being brought back up. Well, that is both tactical and existential. that question, Alexander. I think the short answer is yes. And no. You know, my first acting job ever wasn't a film called Grand Avenue and it was for HBO. And it was, it was, it came up a lot, long, like much later than when I made it. And I think I remember waiting and waiting for it to come out and then kind of being frustrated and then losing, well, for lack of better language, losing my boner. And so when it did come out, it was very underwhelming.

But then my first couple of moderate breaks were being a guest on, politically incorrect when it was on ABC with Bill Maher and then being on Talk Soup. And Talk Soup, you know, we'd record the show and it would be live that night. So then I had a couple of years of almost immediate satisfaction. I mean, I wasn't acting, but my work was, I'd do it and it'd be on TV that night or the next day or that week. And then I worked into scripted television and there was a little bit of a delay. Films are always really frustrating. You know, I feel like maybe I did the first, the Santa Claus too, and then that took like a year and a half to come out. And, you you know, you just forget about it.

And then, you know, you see it, and you're like, oh, I wish I'd made different choices. Not about the role, but in the role. And in fact, I don't think this is talking too much out of school, but I just went to the premiere of the Heart of the Sea. And I was talking to Chris Hemsworth. You know, he lost all that weight for that role, and it was incredibly kind of difficult and personally challenging. You know, he was living on 500 calories a day for like a month. And the guy's huge, and he had just played Thor. And then he lost, like, all this weight for in the Heart of the Sea.

And then he put it all back on again to play Thor in the Avengers film. And so I was asking him about it. And he's like, you know what? It was two years ago. I've completely forgotten it. And that's, you know, part of function of time and part of function of all the things that have happened in between

and part of the function of your brain trying to excise difficult experiences. So yeah, you know, I think living in the moment, if I'm going to bring up Buddhist philosophy again, I'm not trying to drive it down anybody's throats, but it is helpful. The concept of impermanence, again, the experience for you is the moment

is the work. You're trying to do the work and be best in that moment and that's your part of the experience. And it's very helpful also if you're auditioning a lot is not to worry about whether you're going to get the job because you have no control over whether you get the job. You have no control over when the movie comes out or if it's going to be good when it comes out or whether it's going to be well received when it comes out or whether it's going to make money. You can only control your little corner of the film. So in that same way when you're auditioning, you can only control your performance. Everything else is out of your hands. So your goal is to just go in, be in the moment, do the best work you can in that moment, try to enjoy it, try to enjoy it,

try to really be present in it and then, you know, go get fucked up. So there's that. Tony asks. I want, oh, this is kind of a comment. It's just a comment about TV, but it's sweet. And I thought very thoughtful. Tony says, I want to let you know that I really enjoy watching you on the talk. You are strong, kind, compassionate, and inspiring.

You are an advocate for all disenfranchised groups and support everyone. We need more people like you on the air, not people who will support. women because they are women or gays because they're gay or blacks because they're black, et cetera. You truly care about everyone and understand the problems with our culture in the way that we perpetuate systemic discrimination. I feel like you really get it and you're so strong in your opinions but kind and not obnoxious like other hosts. Sorry, Tony goes on. Sorry for the long comment. I just think it's important to let people know when their work is appreciated. I know you had backlash that one day for your comments, but please do not feel scared to share your

thoughts. From a black person, I appreciate when you take opposing views to our community, sometimes because we are not monolithic. We are very complex and layered, and you help highlight those nuances. And you're funny as well. Thanks so much. Well, thank you, Tony, for this nice comment that is not a question that I just read

because it felt good. I do try to be fair to everybody, and I don't try to take sides just because I'm a part of one community or another. And I think women are not a monolith, gays are not a monolith, blacks are not a monolith. We all have different opinions and experiences

and being black is part of who I am, being a woman is part of who I am. I'm not gay, but I would not be above fooling around with a girl at the right time and place. And I have a lot of gays who are very important to me, who I adore deeply. I have people in my family who are gay. I care about those people, I guess because I care about being human and I care about humanity, and I do know how hard it can be to be a fucking person and just trying to like make your way

through the world. And so I just try to be as empathic as I can, right? Not sympathetic, but empathetic. Try to put myself in someone else's shoes. occasionally I get it wrong. I'd say I get it wrong maybe half the time because I'm just a person. But as I was saying in response to the question earlier

about whether I feel like I give too much, I just try to be myself. That doesn't always work out in my favor, but I don't really have a choice. And I think it's fair to not always blindly take a side because it is a part of a community that you are a part of, because I just don't think that's genuine.

Karen says, I love your sense of fashion. Could I ask where you buy all those great tops who wear on the talk. Well, Karen, I'm going to let the cat out of the bag. I don't buy any of those great tops that I wear on the talk. We have a staff that gets my clothes. And I show up at work in the morning, and they're hanging in the closet, and then I put them on. And so they come from everywhere. Nordstrom. A lot of the things that you see on the show that seem super cute are like from H&M or Zara or Top Shop. I am not fancy. I love Jay Kru, and I'm also a big fan of Banana Republic. So yeah, I'm not shopping at Barneys or, you know, I'm sure I have some nice

dresses I wear occasionally to a premiere, but I don't care that much about wearing expensive clothing. And in my real life, I live in sweatpants. I am single-handedly keeping the sweat fabric industry in business. But yeah, I wish I could tweet. People are always tweeting me like, where did you get that top? I'm just tired, and I can't answer all your fashion questions, but know that for the most part, everything I wear on the talk is something that you can get at like H&M or J-Crew or Banana Republic or The Gap. Because I just, I like fashion enough,

but it is really not how I want to spend my energy. All right. Some days I'm just worried about getting a shower, which I have no excuse for being that overwhelmed because I don't have kids. Right on people with the baby like, oh, all I want to do is take a shower. I don't have a baby.

I just can barely get that. my ass washed every day. Like every day if I had a shower, it was a triumph. All right, Marg, Marg says, you are multi-talent as an actress and a comic and a beautiful woman. You're nice. This is a stroke strike, my friends. My good friend Jay LaCope, who's a brilliant writer in Hollywood, I don't know if this is this term, but I attribute it to him because it's not my term, used to call something like this, the letter that Mark is just writing, a stroke, stroke, stroke, strike. So I'm going to tell you what a stroke-stroke strike is. I'm going to give you an example. You go up to your friend and you go, oh my God, you look so great.

That's stroke one. I almost didn't recognize you. That's stroke two. Here comes the strike. And it's weird because you've put on so much weight. There's the strike. That's the stroke, stroke, strike. And a lot of times people put in the strokes because they want to soften the strike.

They're not trying to be dicks. They actually just want to tell the truth, but they throw in those two strokes in order to soften the blow of the strike. So here comes Mark's stroke strike. And Mark, I'm not going to beat up on you too much, and I didn't put your last name here. So you are shrouded in mystery. No one will ever know who you are.

But here it is. There's three strokes and then a strike. You are multi-talent as an actress and a comic, et cetera, and a beautiful woman. How can you let criminal minds where you are great? I hope you stay. Make you wear such an awful wig. Well, Mark, I want to tell you something. A lot of people hate the wig that I wore in the first six episodes of this season of Criminal Minds,

but I loved how I looked. I've always wanted short hair. I'm too much of a pussy to cut my hair. And so I said, I want to have short hair on the show. I don't want to look the same as I look on the talk because people will just go, oh, there's the girl from the talk, and she seems to have just walked off the set of the talk and onto the set of criminal minds. And now it's very hard for me to believe her in this role.

I'm having a hard time suspending disbelief. And it's just the lady from the talk who this morning was talking about the Kardashians or, you know, the lady who made yogurt with her vagina or whatever. So it was important to me look very different on criminal minds than I did in my other jobs. That's why I have the short hair. You could hate the, I think a lot of people didn't like the wig because they knew it was a wig. But if they had thought it was my hair, they wouldn't hate it. I also think that there's a general prejudice against women with short hair.

It's, I'm not calling you prejudice, Mark. I'm just saying people somehow, they'll look, you're so pretty. Why is your hair short? Like the two things negate each other. But I loved how I looked at those. episodes and I loved how I look now and I'm very happy working on criminal minds and I don't mind the wig and so if your question was why did you let them make you wear that awful wig just know that I chose to wear that awful wig of my own volition and it was a joy related to that question

is a question from Angela and she says when will your new role on criminal minds become permanent instead of recurring well I don't know the answer to that Angela but if it makes you feel any better what I can say is that I was only supposed to be there for six episodes, and so far I have recorded 12. And if everything goes well, there will be more coming down the pike. I don't think that's totally new news. I think Erica Messer, who is the executive producer of Criminal Minds, has already said in an interview that they hope I would stick around,

and I hope I will stick around because I love it there. I love the cast. They've been so welcoming to me. I'm having so much fun. And I love acting, and I love being on, on a scripted set, and it's so nice to have the balance between something like the talk, which is just me talking and something like criminal minds where I get to transform into another person. So I'm very lucky to be doing both shows, and I feel an insane amount of gratitude about that.

So let's get to this next question, which is, I'm exhausted, and I also think I'm either fighting a cold or maybe about to get one. I don't know. Anyway, so sorry if I'm doing a lot of throat clearing, guys. there is a person on the other end of this microphone and not a robot. Okay. All right. Here's an interesting one. Jerry says, Hi, Aisha.

This is my third time writing to you for the year-end Q&A episode. Despite my sense of deja vu, I just want to say I'm a massive fan of your show and you're one of the biggest idols of my life. Oh, Jerry, you're rad. Also, out of 200 episodes of GOG, I have to say the episode with Kelly Carlin is by far my favorite. George Carlin is one of the most influential figures in my life and single-handedly shapes the way I view the world and human nature in itself.

It was extremely fascinating to get an anecdotal view of his. flawed humane side behind his titanium indestructible persona. Of course, Kelly Carlin is an extraordinary figure herself trying to cope with her struggle to find her own voice behind her father's limelight. Anyway, I just want to thank you for bringing that episode to your fans, and here is my question. Many famous comedians, Bill Maher, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, have publicly criticized political correctness and refused to perform at colleges because of their over-sensitive nature. With you being an accomplished comedian who's also quite involved with a lot of humanitarian endeavors, what are your overall thoughts

on the concept of political correctness within the context of comedy and have there been any moments in your professional career where political correctness conflicted with your creative sensibilities as a comedian? That's interesting. He goes on to say love and good wishes,

now go take a day off and place of Fallout 4, which I really need to do, Jerry. Absolutely. That wish was well placed. Well, my show is very racy. It is dirty, it is full of language, and I do make a fair amount of jokes around culture and race.

Now, I'm not as much of like a race-focused community as say like Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle, or as political as Bill Maher. My stuff is more sociopolitical. I do a lot of sociocultural stuff. I'm also very self-effacing. I do a lot of making fun of myself, and I think that takes some of the edge out of my act.

But before I take a gig, especially with a college, I make sure that people know what I do and they are not going to be reactive. You know, somebody like Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld, they're so much more famous than me, and I wonder if people go expecting to be offended or looking to be offended or looking to kind of shoot an arrow at the moon.

You know what I mean? I'm like a very low constellation. I'm like a satellite. No one cares what I say. But somebody on that level, people may be going in kind of with their haunches up, waiting to be offended. I will say that on the talk, yeah, there are times when I say, I'll say this, excuse me,

I'll say this because it's come up kind of obliquely in some of these questions, but recently we have spoken about a couple of issues around like police brutality on the talk, and I think there was one where a cop threw a girl to the floor in a classroom because she refused to give up her cell phone. And I said something on the show essentially about the fact that I thought this was really difficult, because I was so tired of seeing police beat up on children, but I also felt like the girl in the thing was non-compliant. And so what I said was,

we need to train police to approach non-compliant subjects in a different way because they keep killing people who are armed. And I'm not even talking about the time when they're shooting people and they're just being evil, but when they put them in a headlock or sit on them and then choke them or break their back and the person dies, we have to retrain cops. We have to give them more tools.

We have to give them better tools so that not every situation escalates into this kind of extremity. That's what I said on the show. People from every side of the spectrum took that a different way. Some people said, thank you for supporting cops. Some people said, you hate cops.

Some people said, thanks for supporting the girl. Some people said, you're a racist. I got literally from that comment every single point on a 360 degree spectrum of reaction to my statement. And I think that is a functional political correctness, right? Everybody just wants to hear what they want to hear. And so that's all they'll hear.

If they think you agree with them, then they are delighted. If they think you disagree with them, then you are a demon. And I don't necessarily know that they're ever really listening to what you're saying. So as a comedian, a part of you just has to do your thing and not really give a fuck. You know, I mean, you don't want to be misconstrued because this is an art of words and ideas. You want people to understand exactly what you're saying. I think it's why sometimes when you see Chris Rock perform, you'll see him repeat phrases over and over again, you know,

to set up a bit. He'll say something like three or four times before he gets to the punchline. I think the intent there is I want to make sure people are all on board before I flip this table because people just don't listen, right? But I don't have a problem with political correctness. I mean, I came up in the era when the phrase was coined. I don't have a problem with it fundamentally. Because I think at the essence of political correctness

is this idea that you shouldn't just see the world from your own perspective. You should try to see it from others' perspectives. So, you know, if you go around saying, well, this neighborhood's all fucked up now, and the implied reason that it's fucked up is because it's more diverse than it used to be, well, you know, I mean, that's not politically correct. I can't say, oh, the neighborhood's fucked up because a bunch of brown people moved in. The brown people are like, man, finally we got to move into a nice neighborhood. Political correctness at its essence, I think, is well-intention.

It doesn't always work, but the point of the matter is, on the conservative side or the liberal side of the spectrum, people don't give a shit about your opinions. They only care about their own. Kimberly says, this is funny. This is a funny follow-up to the previous one. I've been following your podcast a couple of years now.

One thing I've noticed is that you never play the race card or the female card. I don't recall you ever discussing hardship in your career because you're a woman or because you're African-American. Is this not a major part of your story? Are we living in a time when it doesn't matter or has your drive and work ethic superseded race and sex in your area of the entertainment industry. Basically, is race, sex, not an issue? Race slash sex, not an issue because you work your ass off every day. Wow, that was easier to boil down than I thought. Thanks. Okay. Well, Kimberly,

thank you. Here's the thing. The world is full of assholes. I've said that on the show before. The world is literally an ant-hill shot through with millions of assholes, terrible people of varying degrees. The world is racist and sexist and awful, exploitative. There are people who only care about money. They don't care if your woman or black or white or white or Mexican or as my father would say, black, white, purple, beige or brown. They just are out for themselves. Let's just all stipulate to the fact that the world is fucked up. That doesn't mean I have an excuse to sit around and cry about it. I can get out there and change it. I can fight. I can work hard. I can occasionally go, man, that's fucked up. I might not have gotten that opportunity

because I'm a woman or because I'm a person of color. But you know what? My mom, when she was a kid, went to a school with a segregated bathroom. So, you know, I have it way fucking better than her. And And I often reflect on the fact that as a woman and as a woman of color in this particular time in our nation's history, I have it pretty fucking good. It could be better. It will be better. It is going to continue to get better. In fits and starts, it won't all be forward progress.

But it is going to get better. And I have to focus on my own little corner of the world and my effort and in not letting the fact that oppression exists affect my perspective on my ability and the opportunities is available to me. If people sat around all the time looking their wounds about how the world is sexist and racist and fucked up, no one would do anything. So as my father would say, well, if you're religious, you're going to hate this, but I love it. My father, when I was a kid, I would go, Jesus Christ, Dad, and he would go, he ain't going to help you. Now, blasphemuses that may sound to those of you who are religious. What he meant was no one is coming to save you. You must save

yourself. And that is a philosophy that I operate by every single day. And that's why I don't complain because complaining does not a fucking thing. Paul says, does your experience going through the approval and regulatory... I love this section of questions. They're all political. Does your experience going through the approval and regulatory process for Curgeon's don't cause you to reconsider your political leanings? Or does it give you an understanding of why some people lean towards small government

conservatism? By the way, huge fan, well outside your target demographic, you are an amazing interviewer. Thank you, Paul. two answers to your question answer one um it's frustrating but no it does not change my political leanings because i operate from a place of uh and i'm not dismissing people out there conservative but one of the reasons why i have the political orientation i have is because i operate in my perspective in my opinion from a place of a deep anguish riddled compassion i feel bad for people and i want to help them and that is how that that affects my perspective on the world and government

I feel like we are the wealthiest country in the world, and we have infinite resources, and we have the power of a giant government to execute on their behalf, and we should do so. And I know that conservatives think, well, I'm just going to go down and give money to my local church, my local charity, and somehow that's going to change the world. But the fact of the matter is, it's just not as effective, in my opinion. That's just me. That's just how I feel. I'm a big old liberal, and I always have been.

But I do understand why some people lean towards small government conservatism, and I think, you know, if that's your perspective, I respect it. I'll tell you when I start to lean towards small government conservatism when I have to pay my fucking taxes at the end of the year. I get very conservative when I have to write that check. But it doesn't change the fact that I just believe that there are certain things that the power of a large government, an organizational body, can do to fix things. There's also plenty it can do to muck them up.

But, you know, if we didn't have the federal government, we wouldn't have, you know, lots of things, including the right to vote, bro. So, you know, I, if we didn't have the federal government, I would not be here because of the federal government. We have equality. We have integration. We have suffrage. And people talk about the founding fathers. They got a lot of things right. But I was not a person when this country was founded. So that aspect of conservatism, I really cannot, I cannot get on board with. That kind of like good old days, the founding fathers and everything they said was perfect and we have to harken back to a time when you were, you know, one, what was it, one sixth? One fifth of a person?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. The federal government fixed a lot of that stuff. It has also shit the bed repeatedly, but I think it's done more good than harm. All right. And it keeps us safe from each other and from the world for the most part. They're not getting that perfect either, are they? They really aren't getting that perfect. I'll say that about that. They're not getting that entirely right. I recently acquired, here's George. I recently acquired an autographed copy of your first book swerve,

and it has the inscription, John, to the best bossiest boss I ever had. Iish Tyler, 2714. I was wondering if this was to any's one significant. I bought it from a book dealer on Amazon, I just thought I asked. And George has a new book that he'd be honored for me to autograph. Can he send it to me? Well, George, I don't do autographing things through the mail because it's just too unmanageable. But the next time I'm performing live somewhere, come there and I'll sign it in person,

for sure. Even if you come to like the talk, I don't know. Yeah. All right. John was my first, not my first boss, my second boss when I worked at an advertising firm called J. Walter Thompson. And he was the best bossiest boss I ever had. I loved him.

he taught me so, so much. And then right after I met, another great boss named David. And between the two of them, I learned so much about self-discipline and drive and focus and hard work. And he was the most encouraging boss and the kindest guy and so smart and thoughtful.

And I'm a little annoyed that he gave his book away or sold it, but you know, shit happens. So yeah, he was a great guy, and he was very influential on me. once, well, never forget this, once he had given me a bunch of tasks to do, and I did them all very quickly, and he sent me a note that said, Aisha, you're a machine. And I remember thinking that was like the best compliment I'd ever gotten. And now, of course, I'm an inveterate workaholic, and I might die from overwork. But you know what? Because of John, I know that I have the capacity

for being a machine. All right, Steve says, hey, okay, this is a great email because it's like completely unintelligible, but full of feeling, full of feeling and emotion and query. Hey man, not used to doing this, but I've missed the last few end of the year, ask away deals. So unless this has been discussed or is too personal, how is Lana being pregnant on Archer, cathartic to your own unsuccessful pregnancy slash fuck babies? I look too good to get fat experience. That's not exactly how I felt about it. But okay, he goes on.

I've heard of things of you on your show talking about it, but I'm a dude. And last view-esque show experience I had with Sherry Oterian, S&L, and there are guys who would want to hear more if you're willing to. Fuck on babbling, always great show, and looking forward to the new season. Okay, Steve, you're a delight. Well, answer to the first question was Lana being pregnant on Archer was not cathartic in any way.

She's a cartoon, but she's fun to listen to and watch. And quite honestly, her having Abbegin, if anything, has just reinforced the fact that I'm not really interested in having kids. I have talked on the show about the fact that at one point I was considering IVF and that I decided to stop because I didn't want to go around that go around of hormones and shots and madness and heartbreak, an incredibly expensive process that typically does not end in people getting pregnant, typically ends in heartbreak, as I just mentioned.

And I just decided I did not want children enough to go through that process. And since then, I have become increasingly delighted with my decision. So, yeah, so people who are curious about it, that's the deal. If you saw any stories about me talking about pregnancy, that was what was happening. I decided I wanted to think about getting pregnant. I stepped into the shallow kind of piss-worm pool of the IVF process and quickly realized it was not for me and decided to stop getting pregnant. And I told that story because stopped trying to get pregnant.

And I told that story because I wanted other people out there to feel like it was okay to choose not to have children without feeling the reprobation of society or their family. It is an entirely valid choice to remain childless. It really is. And I think people should be able to choose that and feel good about it. And that is why I told that story on the show. And that's why I just told it now. So, dude, Steve, I don't really think about it that way anymore, except for occasionally when I see somebody with a baby on the street, I think I am glad that's not me. Okay, Ames says, okay, now we're moving towards the end of the show. And I've got a nice stack of thank you letters here.

And this is just really very missturbatory. But some of them are so sweet. I'm going to read them because they're lovely. And I want to thank you for thanking me. I thank you at the top of now. I'm going to read your thank you. And I want to thank you again for your lovely words. Ames writes, Chris Rock meets Jim Jeffries meets Oprah.

That's girl-on guy for me. Makes me laugh out loud in elevators, yell out loud to my iPod, think deeply, and want to be a better man to quote Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets. Keep up the amazing work. Much love James. One of your gay NYC fans. Well, you're rad Ames. And that's a lovely letter. And thank you for that. Very layered compliment. Andrew says, listening to your podcast for the first time, Kevin Allison made me do it, hearing all the negative things. People say, trolling and such. Just wanted to say, I love your interviews. The 10 or so I have listened to over the past week. Well, you are pounding. Andrew. Well done. And really appreciate your hard work,

both on this and Archer, which my wife and I love. Your interviews that made me re-evaluate what I thought about L.L. Cool J, Ms. Day, Felicia Day, I imagine, and others. My only real complaint is that I cannot capitalize anything in this contact form. Yes, just know this if you're writing me. You can't capitalize, but when it comes to me, it is in capitals. Keep up the great work. Remember, there are many people like me who look forward to driving to work all the more because of what you do.

I have had several driveway moments in the past week where I did not want to hit pause, driving my wife and kids crazy as they can see that I have arrived and wonder why I am sitting in the car. That's hilarious. Apologized to your family for me. But I'm thrilled that the show affects you in that way. All right. Sorry about all the throat clearing on this show, guys. I, like I said, I think I'm finding a little cold. And I'm trying to power through this. But for the misophonics out there, and apparently we have a few people with misophonia, it's probably driving you nuts. I'm sorry that my face is making human sounds. All right. Parker says,

Dear Aisha, thank you for all your incredible work and all your many facets and projects. I first fell in love with your comedy via Archer,

then your podcast, been a listener for maybe a year now. Yours was the first or second podcast in which I really got invested. I find myself on an emotional

roller coaster during most of my interviews, even though 90% of the stories have no application to me, at least not directly. Although I do try to make

the stories, I try to make the show kind of generally applicable to people's lives, even if the specifics are very abstract or remote, but Parker continues. The way you get people to open up is very inspiring.

It's just a breath of fresh air to hear that these mega millionaires have the same struggles as the rest of us. We all want to know our parents as humans. We all want acceptance, be it personal or professional. We all want to leave our mark or achieve immortality, as you put it. Well, yes. Parker goes on to say, I may write to you more often. This was fun. And also, I really don't want to read case briefs for class tomorrow.

I think Parker is in law school. Lastly, please hire me in any capacity. My law degree is essentially useless. I would even be satisfied fetching your whiskey, provided you give me an allowance to buy myself a bottle as well. Hilarious. Well, Parker, I'm all staffed up, but thank you for the offer, and I probably can't afford you with your law degree.

Elisa or Alessa says, I wanted to thank you for putting out such a quality podcast. I have a lot of weight to lose, and I have been getting out there every day to walk for an hour or more with you and your guest is my companion. I have lots of other podcasts on my iPod, but never seem to get around to listening to any but yours. Lately, when I don't feel like putting on my shoes, I go ahead and start listening somehow. That makes it easier to get my shoes and coat and get out the door.

I often have to look up the person you're interviewing, but you make every single interview interesting. That's lovely. Thank you, Elisa. I'm going to call you Elisa. She says she's from Ohio, but listening in Oxford and loving me on criminal minds, and God bless you. Well, and I said that to her, not to me. Juliana says I'm sitting here working and watching the talk

just heard your commentary on Halloween which made me laugh when I was a kid Halloween was my favorite day of the year I grew up on Munich's Army base when it existed on Halloween we would tear ass all over American housing hitting every building the big candy bar house was the awesomest house in the neighborhood usually a colonel's house

when my sisters and I poured out and subsequently built candy castles out of our candy halls the big candy bars were held in great reverence and eaten last yes seriously Giuliana goes on to say I listen to your podcast every week catch the talk on who's line every now

and then no Archer although my sister keeps telling me to watch well Julianna that's because your sister is a genius and I will drink your booze when it exists and you are important to me and Julianna you are important to me and that was lovely Phyllis says

I'm sitting in the car scrolling through Facebook just saw a post with you and Cheryl from yesterday's show wanted to reach out let you know you are loved admired. You're so nice. Thank you. I'm too. I'm the weird little black girl who grew up with lots of white friends and watching Star Wars and Dracula. Being called weird and not black enough has always been a part of my life. When I saw you on TV, I cried. Don't let stupid assholes beat you down. You're amazing. I'm sending you lots of hugs from crappy Georgia. Well, I'm hoping that she's not saying all of Georgia's crappy, but just the part of Georgia,

she's in as crappy. But you never know. And you know what? Phyllis, that advice is good for everyone listening and even people not listening. Do not let stupid assholes, beat you down. All right, Marianne says, I have worked anywhere from two to four jobs at once for so many years now, so I understand the tiredness. I have mad respect for you because I do it privately and you do it in the public eye. That adds a whole other layer of stress when you can't have a bad day without people putting you on blast. While working my overnight job at UPS, I listen to your podcast and play the talk on the CBS app and listen. You motivate me daily and I couldn't do what I do without you. I work almost full time at UPS, then pull 50 hours a week during the day at

total wine. I love working there. Look forward to the launch of Currigan Stone so I can talk you up to customers. Well, thank you so much. You are lovely. And thanks for writing and thanks for listening. And as I've said, Courage and Snow is coming in 2016. And more news will be available as we get closer to the time. But I'll keep you posted. You could follow me online to find out about that stuff. Kaelin says, first, I'm pretty awful at communication with other humans. So apologies of this letters unclear or rambly. I already like you because I love the word rambly. I'll get right to it. After being in denial for a really long time, I was just diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I'm a full-time student in my mid-30s. It took me completely falling apart halfway through the

semester, midway through the semester, to finally get the help I need. I'm telling you this because I also want to explain how I survived all those years when my fucked up brain was telling me that I should just give up. One, my family is amazing. I've got nieces and a nephew that light up the dark corners of my life every day. Two, I love what I'm studying in school and I look forward to learning every day and then there's your podcast which has been like a balm to my broken and shitty life god cailin thank you i don't have many friends read one and listening to your show every week is like catching up with an old buddy of course i don't i know this isn't really true well i'm glad you feel like i'm an old buddy and i hope it is true i also know it might be silly to feel this way about a

podcast at this point though i feel like everything that makes me feel like holding on to this life is a pretty good thing thanks for making the show and thanks for being awesome kailen your letter was lovely, completely clear, and not at all rambly. Thank you for those sweet, sweet words, and it makes me so happy that I have had any positive effect on you at all. So thanks for writing that. It's so nice. And I think that speaks to someone who wrote earlier whose name was already out of my head, because I have the memory of an aunt about dealing with not wanting to go on. And you've got to find the things in your life that add value, right, that add meaning. That is what keeps you going on.

Don't focus on all the stuff that's just heartbreaking because there's so much of it. Focus on the stuff that gives you joy, right? Oh, that question was from Elise earlier who was asking about not going to the dark side. Focus on the things that bring you joy. Chavon says also, sorry, again, with the cognitive form for some reason, my caps aren't working. Hopefully that's by design, L.O.L. I just wanted to reach out and say, thank you firstly for your always thoughtful, interesting, and funny podcast.

I'm also a guy's girl, so I totally relate. I wanted to thank you for your constant inspiration, to we creative souls, to spur forward and devote time to our art. I've been writing since I was five. Hardly ever finished anything until I joined an awesome writing group this past May. Congratulations, Chavon. Chavon says, I just started reading the book Quiet. Yes, I am an introvert,

and I've submitted some of my short stories to contest and a memoir to Susan Cain's website. So, yay. She just says thanks for the inspiration and motivation. And I say to you, thank you for doing awesome stuff for you, for yourself. Do stuff for yourself. God, yes, do stuff for yourself. Think about it.

It's not the world that wants it. It's you that wants it. Why are you sitting around not doing the things that you want to do? Do the things for you. Do you. Now I sound like a rap song like you to you. But you know what I'm saying. Just do nice things for yourself.

because it is in your power to do so. Alan says I'm fairly new to the Army. Want to drop you a line to let you know how much I love your show. Happened to across your podcast three months ago. Haven't stopped since. Find the people you interview to be so fascinating and you were able to lead them into insights that benefit us all. I'm a 40-something-year-old man in the process of trying to see new truths about myself.

I have found inspiration through your conversations and many parallels to my own existence in events your guests have described. I can also hear how excited you get when your guests are reaching their truth. It's so awesome and not something you hear every day. All I can say is that I am hooked. Alan, so am I. And I will express a bit of wistful sadness and regret repeatedly at the fact that I'm going to have to start doing the show less. I'm not stopping. I'm just diminishing. But there are all, there will already be 250 episodes awaiting you in the archives. 238. If you get the app and subscribe and another 10 free to the public at all times,

because I just am so overwhelmed, guys. I'm so sorry about that. I'm sorry that I'm so overwhelmed. Sometimes you have a bunch of goals for yourself and then you reach them and then you realize that they've changed your life in irreversible ways, in irreversible and unexpected ways. Leslie says, I want to thank you for your wonderful podcast. The conversations you have with your guests are warm and engaging, and it's lovely to hear the human voice behind the public persona. Since I've been listening, I've discovered wonderful books, movies, and TV shows. Your conversation with Andre Royo inspired me to take the wire off the back burner and move it to the top of my watch list. Good call, Leslie.

Binge watching the wire while eating chocolate moon pies is a wonderful way to decompress after a long day, and now I eat moon pies and binge watch Archer. Leslie, you're a genius, and now I want a moon pie. All right, three more. Three more letters here. substantial. So stick with me here. All right, let's get to the center of this letter. Tara says some lovely things about thanking me for Girlong Guy. I am a personal spiritual coach for the last 18 months. I've been learning about the entertainment industry, how it functions as a business.

Prior to that, I was probably one of the least knowledgeable people about pop culture, let alone the business side of entertainment. During the last year, I did a lot of soul searching. forth in my head and heart about pursuing something that at the time was so far outside of my comfort zone. You talk a lot about meeting fear head on, which I completely agree with and embrace. For me, it was not the famous people that scared me. It was the fakeness of Hollywood. You and your guests have shown me a very human side to the entertainment world. I knew it was present in the theater world, but I was not convinced about Hollywood. The more I educate myself, the more depth I see. I understand that some of the industry still operates from the

place of fakeness, and that's okay. But you know what, Tara, the world operates from a place of fakeness, unfortunately. What matters more to me is that I also see a lot of potential in people who are in the industry and are no longer okay with the status quo. There would be times last year that I would read things about the industry that made me want to say, no way, no way I can work with these people. However, then I would listen to your podcast, and no matter who your guest was, it would ground me again and bring me back to center. I will probably never be able to articulate how influential your podcast has been to me. I will admit to being one of people who circled your podcast for a while because of your tagline and was not sure would add value to my learning about the industry,

but it never occurred to me that your podcast would become so meaningful in my life. When I finally started listening to your podcast, it was initially done as a self-homework assignment to better understand the actual human beings opposed to the public personas. Within the first episode I listened to, I heard your graciousness, genuineness, and your depth. That's so kind. Thank you, Tara. And then she just goes on to say, thank you. I know you have mentioned this fall has been hard.

I want you to know what you are creating affects more people in more ways than you may realize. Well, thank you. Thank you. Oh, she says one more nice thing. Until then, may you use this letter when things are chaotic, either professionally, personally, or both to find comfort and be reminded you're making a difference. Well, Tara, that was lovely. And I think everybody needs to be reminded occasionally that they're making a difference.

You don't have to have a podcast to make a difference. Just, I don't know, try to make a difference with the people in your your life, right? Seriously. Man, that was nice. Thank you so much. This is, that's two. Daniels says, this is the third year I've had the best intentions to write in for your awesome annual listener mail show. The first where I finally pulled it off. I can't claim to be as busy as you, but I do have a lot going on, so it has been the best of intentions up to this point. Several years ago, I started to have to drive more for work and found that as much as I love listening to music, it was not keeping me alert at the wheel. So this is some audiobooks, then decided to try out podcasts.

Anyway, I started to search for something to hold my interest, starting with comic books. There wasn't a lot out there, but one of the ones to come up was your interview with Robert Kirkman. And I found your interviewing style so compelling. I started to listen to other interviews we had with artists I like. When I first would listen to episodes with people who interested me, now I listen to every episode because I know we were so good at pulling out stories. I like hearing different perspectives and being able to see the world from someone else's it helps to show how much we have in common. There have been several times we've uncovered a nugget of wisdom that I really needed at the time.

The most recent was your interview with Daniel Gillies. I was having a really shitty week and wallowing in self-doubt as someone in a creative profession. Daniel's a landscape architect. I thought the discussion on failure was particularly relevant to what I was feeling. I immediately sought out the Charlie Kaufman speech he referenced, and it helped to put me in a much better place and stop a spiral of self-doubt. That's so great. And, you know, Daniel Gillies, what was so great about the Daniel Gillies episode was because

was that he's on a big hit show and he's a really good looking guy, he's married to another famous person. They got babies and he seems like he should have everything together. And I think it just goes to show you that all of us wallow get mired, get stuck, struggle, wiggle in the quicksand of self-doubt repeatedly throughout our lives. You know, sometimes you think, I know what I need to do, I know where I'm headed, I know what I want. And then other times you're like, I don't know what the fuck is going. going on. And when you're experiencing that, know that that's everyone, every human being.

Someone who knows everything about how to move forward is just a liar. They're lying to themselves because life is a mystery. And a lot of the time, what's unknown is uncalculable. And you're just trying to figure it out as you go. And so rather than beat yourself up or hate yourself or really kind of open your mouth and let the self-doubt rush in like the ocean. Just know that that's an aspect of being human. And just try to proceed with the best information you can. All right. Well, I have one more letter.

I just want to say thank you to everybody for a great year. I know that this change is going to be difficult for all of us. But think about this. If you're listening to a podcast like Serial, they do 12 episodes and go away for a whole year, as does, you know, something like The Walking Dead, you know, do 12 episodes and vanish for months or Game of Thrones, 13 episodes and then vanish for a year. The show is making this move so that I don't end up in the hospital.

Or quit the show altogether because that was the other alternative, and I didn't want to do that. So I just am looking for your support and your enthusiasm and your understanding as this show changes at least for the foreseeable future into something that looks a little different a monthly instead of a weekly show with 250 back episodes that can be accessed via the app you just have to go to growlingu.net. God, I'm not even speaking English today. Go to girlanguy. com. And click on the upgraded premium banner. You'll get the app. It's free for Android and iOS. And then you can choose your subscription level from $2 to $9.7.7.7. cents a month gets you access to the entire back catalog of the show. And it helps support the show

and it's going to help me eliminate advertising, which is really one of my goals as well. I just want to bring you show. I don't want to do anything else. Bring you show and make things and have fun. That's my goal. And I'm sorry that I'm so like throat-cleary. Again, this episode, this cold is living in the back of my throat. It's like I swallowed a schmoo. It will not leave me. but I'm going to try to do some resting over the holiday. I'm off actually right after this to shoot an episode of Who Do You Think You Are, which is going to come out sometime in 2016. And then I'm going to have a couple of weeks off.

I'm going to rest. I'm going to do my best. I'm going to try. Guys, I don't really know how to rest. It's not my best work, but I'm going to work on it. It's not my best skill. Michael is the last letter. And he's referring to an earlier email, but I don't remember the earlier email. So I'm just going to read.

let's see. I'm just going to, I'm going to skip ahead. He's just said he wrote an earlier letter, but I don't remember the earlier letter, so I'm just going to read the part that's salient. Dear Miss Tyler, this is from Michael, dear Miss Tyler, my ancillary purpose in messaging you is my beloved Ashley, who I mentioned previously. This past year for us both has sucked harder than a Dyson VAC dosed with crystal meth, and she's had to bear the brunt of it. In August, she was involved in a collision that left her with a concussion, anxiety, and PTSD. D. Thankfully, with therapy and what little I can do, she's been improving, however, things got worse. Soon after she had to go on FMLA leave due to, at that point, anyway, an unknown ailment. We were in and out of ERs more than evil-con-eval. It was only after the seventh or eighth visit the doctors finally admitted her to have an appendectomy. Like flipping a light switch, she went from constant agonizing pain to none at all. Sadly, our woes did not. For our, at the time, mutual employer, was less than helpful or respectful. She could have died in the hospital, yet they treated it like it was merely Tuesday.

To this day, that that job will cause her stress and anxiety made worse by the fact that I was terminated by that self-same company. Reasons as to why are moot at this point since it was in September. Michael's writing this in November. My point is that she's been through hell, and I've done my best to help her, but I haven't done it alone. Like me, you've been a constant. Be it your epic podcast, the talk, your book, Whose Line, and Even Archer. You've been a positive force aiding us both during this, our darkest hours, but most. mostly for her. She is my universe. So thank you for being the positive force, making her laugh,

and teaching her to be her own advocate in life and say, you know what? Fuck you. I'll do me. You go do you. Thank you again for helping my dearest beloved fiancé Ashley H. I'm her biggest fan and she is one of yours. Thank you for everything and keep up the fantastic work. All our love, Michael. Well, Michael, I always weep a bit during my own. this show, but reading yours made me smile and any tears are just of joy, you know. I just, I love making this show, and it means so much to me when you guys take the time to write in because sometimes you feel like you're operating in a vacuum and you're just kind of throwing this thing out there, and it's fun for me to make. I love making it. But the fact that it brings

you guys joy and relief and companionship or even just even if it's just relatable to you or even if it's just entertaining even if it's just a laugh i'm just stoked i'm just stoked that you guys like the show so thank you for listening thank you for your support um as i mentioned the show starting in january of 2016 will be a monthly show it will be uh it will post some time in the middle of the second week of the month every month episodes one through 200 plus all 38 premium will go behind the firewall and the firewall, the paywall, and be available via the app, which you can access by going to go on guy.net. Subscriptions are incredibly affordable, and you can buy them by going, once you click on upgrade to premium, the instructions are self-evident.

But like as I said, an annual subscription is just a measly 69 cents, 70 cents a month, very affordable. And that is going to allow me to continue to do the show, to reduce or eliminate advertising, and to continue to make Girl and Guy, which I love making and I love bringing to you. I want to thank you guys. I want to let you know how much joy you bring into my life. Thank you for letting me know that the show brings some joy into yours. Put yourself in your own hands this year. You know, you've got obligations, you've got work, you've got family,

you've got kids, you've got debt, you've got pain, you've got existential agony. But you are a treasure, and you should treasure yourself. And so this has been a very challenging year for me. A lot of work, a lot of change, a lot of dynamism. I'm exhausted, but I'm also very hopeful, and I hope that you are too. It's never, ever too early or too late, both to send in questions for the next awesome all-listener questions show. But beyond that, it's never too early or too late.

to start executing on your own behalf. So go and do and be and make the things you want to go and do and be and make because you only get one run at this existence. And it's yours to do with what you will. You guys are the greatest. You are my army. You are inspirational. You are a delight.

You are precious. And you are legion. I'll touch you next year. Late. Girl on Guy is a production of Hot Machine, blowing shit up since 2009.