Girl on Guy with Aisha Tyler - girl on guy 212: sheryl underwood part I

Episode Date: March 1, 2016

join comedian, producer and aisha's the talk co-host sheryl underwood as they discuss family, transformation, service, bravery, grief, finding your voice and discovering strength in the midst of unbearable loss. plus sheryl and aisha figure out which one is michael and which one is tito. it's a toss up. girl on guy wants you back.

This is Girl on Guy. Hey everybody, welcome to Girl on Guy, 212. Welcome to the show. Now, as you may have discovered, and if you haven't, I'm going to tell you now, Girl on Guy, which was for a very long time, a weekly show, has now gone down to a monthly show, mainly because my workload is punishing and life-threatening. And rather than give the show up altogether, I wanted to keep making it, but on a pace that would fit in to the cracks between the four television series that I'm I'm working on now. That sounded like a humble bracket. It was not, but I do realize how that might have sounded. The point is, I'm very, very lucky to be super busy right now, but the podcast has had to take a

little bit of a backseat, but I did want to give it up completely because I love it so very much. So now the show is posting once a month. There may be some bonus episodes if I can work them in. That is my goal. And this episode is coming to mid-February. So welcome. You know that if you aren't already a premium subscriber. You can sign up for premium service. It's less than a dollar a month, and it gets you access to all 250 back episodes of Girl and Guy. Lots and lots of joyous content to slide deliciously into your earholes at any time that you wish. Just go to Growlingai.com net and click on the little button on the side. This is Upgrade to Premium Access, and you can get all of the episodes, not just the regular episodes that have gone behind

the paywall, but also all of the premium episodes, and there are 38 of them. So altogether, that is 250 episodes you have access to, lots and lots of things to listen to. And thank you everybody who's still supporting the show, who's subscribed, and who is supportive of this move. It's been painful to make because I do love Girl and Guy so much, but it was necessary. That being said, I wanted to make it easier for people to subscribe to Girl and Guy. So if you didn't know this already, you can get a discount. I wanted to give everybody a certain number of episodes for free. But for a variety of reasons, that are out of my hands. I couldn't just give away premium subscriptions, but what I could do

is give away a code that would help you get a chunk of episodes free if you subscribed. So if you use the discount code G-O-G-3 free, that's one word, one single word, G-O-G-3, the number three and free, you will get 50% off a six-month subscription, which is three free months of Girl on Guy. Number of times you can redeem it, unlimited. Period of time it can be redeemed for unlimited. So this is something you can use over and over again. You can share with friends, share with family, tell your neighbors, hug your dog, just spread a love. Spread the Girl and Guy Army love. The code is G-O-G-3 free. Use it when you sign up for your premium subscription and you will get three free months every time you sign up for six months. I think

that that is a gift that keeps on giving. So enjoy that. This episode of Girl and Guy is brought to you by Audible, a very long time and ongoing avid supporter of the podcast. And there is a new URL if you want to take advantage of the Audible offer. It is audible.com slash girlon guy. That's audible.com slash girl on guy. You get your free 30-day trial of Audible. That's audible.com slash girl and guy. I always recommend books for Audible. And the truth of the matter is, my friends, that typically I'm reading a book that I'm able to share with you. Hey, I'm reading this book.

I'm listening to this book. you can go check it out. My bandwidth is so narrowed that I am not doing as much recreational reading as I would like, but I would like to make a couple of recommendations. Obviously, what is that you can always get in my own book, read by yours truly, self-inflicted wounds,

read by the author and the babbling book that is streaming into your earholes right now, Aisha Tyler, by going to audible.com slash girl and guy. But you can also get any book that you would like. It's really up to you, and the world is your

Oyster. A book that I'm reading right now, I'm reading a classic, The Dubliners by James Joyce, which is a collection of short stories about the lives of the people of Dublin, Ireland, around the turn of the century. I've mentioned on the show before that I went and directed a film over an Ireland, which I just finally finished. Oh, dear Lord, fuck me, that took a long time. And it was a great experience, and just, you know, life expanding. It's always exciting to have adventures. And when I was over there, I got very curious about Ireland and the Irish people. So I'm reading Dubliners. It's a classic by James Joyce. Very interesting. And that's something you can expose yourself to. But here's another book that I've actually recommended many times on this show. And if I am recommending it again, it is because it has been made into a series, which is airing right now on the sci-fi network. And the book is called The Magicians. It's a novel by Lev Grossman. It's actually a part of a trilogy now. The Magicians, the sequel is The Magician King. And then finally, the magician's land. But the series is now on sci-fi channel, and I'm watching it, and I'm really

enjoying it, mainly because I love the book so much. And the series, interestingly enough, is only slightly like the books. It shares the character names, but it's also very, very different, it's accelerated, and that's fun. It's kind of like experience something you love in a different way. I learn a lot of people are purists, and they want the TV show or the movie to be exactly like the book. But you know what? The movie I made in my head, what I read the book, was awesome, And so now this is a different interpretation of that material, which I'm enjoying immensely. I'll also recommend a bunch of books by my other favorite Alfred Hill Gaman. I think I recommended American Gods on this show before, but he's got all kinds of incredible books,

including Good Omen's, Never Where, and the Ocean at the end of the lane. And he's an incredible writer, and American Gods is also being made into a series, I believe, for HBO. So now is your chance to enjoy the book before the series comes out and ruins all the pictures that you have in your head. and to avail yourself of this offer, my friends, go to audible.com slash girl on guy. You've got a free 30-day trial of audible. Remember that when you use that URL, you are letting Audible know that supporting Girl and Guy is in their best interest and it's free. So there's really no reason not to go get free shit.

I don't know what's wrong with you. Why do you hate America? The URL is audible.com slash Girl on Guy. Go check it out and enjoy yourself, my friend. Enjoy yourself. Use the free audible offer to fill in the holes left in your life by the reduction in Girl and Guy episodes that are being provided to every month, right? Should we do that?

Should we do that as a team? Okay. This episode of Girl and Guy is with the comedian and television host Cheryl Underwood, who you may know because she is my co-host on The Talk. And she is a fascinating woman, mysterious in every way. And it was such a joy to talk to her. I work with her every day. But she has had a very long and complex life.

and what's exciting about this conversation is how much I learn about her, even though I've spent the past five years sitting next to her at a table every single day on television. I learned so much about her having this conversation. And my friends, you will find at the end of this, that this is a two-part episode. So already in February, you're going to get a bonus chunk of Grow On Guy. This episode will post now, and the second half of this conversation will post a little down the road. But I really enjoyed this conversation. We did it in the wee hours before making it.

the talk on a couple of mornings last month, and I enjoyed this conversation. It affected me deeply, and I hope that it affects you in the same way. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Growing Guy 20012 with stand a comedian, television host, and producer Cheryl Underwood, coming at you, straight out of my dressing room at the talk and right into your face. I have a deer in here. Cheryl Underwood, welcome to my show. Can I tell you, I'm really, really excited. when you ask. I was like, wow, you know, because you and I never get to just talk.

No. Alone. We don't. We never do. Yeah, I was with Tito Jermaine and Marlon. So that makes one of us Jackie and one of us Michael. You can have whichever one you want. I'm fine being Jackie.

But Jackie's the finest. Michael's the most talent. But I am really excited to have you on. And I'm going to say already in advance, I know we're never going to get it all done because you've had such a complex life, even though you're still so young and beautiful. You have, you just, you've had, like,

I always feel like when we're on the show or even when we're talking, I learn something new about you every day. So we're not going to be able to cover it all today. I'm kind of secretive. You are a secretive motherfucker. I've known you for so long. I don't know where you live.

I probably don't even know your real name. No. And you don't. You know, that is, man, about to give it up. So I really want to start at the beginning because I just feel like you, because you have such a complex life, I think it'll be simplest if we just start with where you were born. I was born a poor black child.

Well, born in Arkansas, I usually have a twin. I don't think I talked about it on the show. You were born in Little Rock, and you had a twin. And tell me about that story, because you talked about it a little bit on the show. I think we were premature. It was somewhere in my mother's mine. My mother's the greatest story. teller in the world. So she kind of, she didn't want to believe that we were premature. So we were

preemies. And, and I didn't have any fingernails. I didn't have any eyelashes. I didn't have any eyebrows. And according to my father, we were maybe a pound. We both way. We were really, really small. That's why I loved working with the March of Dimes and helping them because they work with prematurity awareness. And my father, I found out at his, funeral that my father was 21, 22 years old when I was born. I thought my father was maybe at least 25 years old, but he was a young man. And my mother used to tell this story about, oh, your sister died because your father was drunk and he propped up a bottle. It's going to be because Barbara Walters, propped up a bottle. And I remember one day asking my father,

why would you do that? And my father, I was older, and a tear came down his eye, and he goes, who told you that? And I said, my mother did. And he said, you know, you and your sister never left the hospital. Oh, wow. That she did not live long enough. And I said, well, so tell me what happened. And he said he used to come from his job every day and sit by the incubator where his two babies were.

and that I was the only one who survived. And my grandmother on my mother's side used to say, because my father's side is Little Rock, my mother's side is Pine Bluff. So my grandmother used to tell this great story used to make us laugh about how me and my sister was in my mother's stomach playing cards. And then my sister lost the card game

and she had to go to heaven. And I had to come down on earth. And I was like, but that doesn't mean you lost the card game. If you go to heaven and be with Jesus. But it kind of made me closer to my father and more concerned about the folklore. But now that I'm on to talk, I had a chance to kind of reflect. And that's why I said on the show that we as adults need to understand that our parents were children when they were doing things. They were probably in their teens and 20s when they were doing things.

So they didn't really have it all the way together. And that doesn't absolve them. But whatever happens to you in your young life, remember your parents were young too. Right, right. Yeah, when you're a child, you have a sense that they are omnipotent and they know everything. And they're just muddling through, right? Make mistakes. No handbook for it.

Don't really know if they're getting it right. And I think for me, that's why I have this duality in my personality. because I was always trying to engage my sister's spirit, you know. And my father used to say that one of us would cry all night long and sleep all day. And one of us was just baby. And I think I was the one that cried all night long. And when I got into nightclub work, I was like, I do feel better at night. You know, and I think that's what it was.

Wow. And my dad said we were so little that when he brought me home after she had passed on to be with the Lord, I used to sleep in a dresser drawer because I was so little. So they had a little dresser drawer that I slept in. Oh, wow. Yeah. Were you, I mean, were you the first child for your parents? For my father and mother?

I am of that. That configuration, that marriage, I am my father's only daughter. And I have a brother from my stepmother and my father. So my father really only has really two children. Okay. You know, and I'm his oldest. And I am my father's son. He would always, we sit on the front porch in Chicago, and he would sit me down to talk to me and go, son, these things are going, and I'm like, are you not getting it?

but I am his son that might be one of the reasons why we connect because we were both so close to our fathers and my father never called me his son but I knew he wanted I mean I just knew he wanted a boy and also he knew how to I think he knew how to raise a boy he didn't know how to raise a girl so he did what he would have done

to make a strong boy which makes you a really really strong and dynamic woman and I will say from all the times that we've been around each other I am amazed in an awesome type way about your career and how you can fit in and how you are fearless and you just anybody get on and sing and you're not a singer and I'm like that girl go go for the bitch I mean I'm just you know I mean for both I first of all I want to echo that about you because like I said I feel like I get glimpses into your life but you are so self-made and I'm

And I think a lot of times people discover you, discover anyone, but discover you on TV, and they don't know how many layers, how hard it's been to get to where you are now, how hard you had to fight. And I think, you know, I wrote about this in my book and I think it applies to you and your dad. Dad's with daughters. They're so afraid for their daughters. And some of them protect them. But I think in your case, your father was like, let me just raise a tough motherfucker. Yes. And I would say it was a, it's a statement of.

honor for me to be called his son. I am his first born. And there were things that, like he would say, you know, you're not better than anybody, but nobody's better than you. You know, so you have to treat people with respect, but also respect yourself. Yeah. And for me, it was only hard work. My father really just wanted food on the table. He wanted a wife. He wanted to have his kids grow up and be whatever they wanted to be in life. But he also said, look, we have a thing called a hoot nanny. on Friday night, we listen to the blues and eat fish on Saturday night. You sober up and get ready to go to church on Sunday and you start your work day. And that's really how my life is. But I would say for you and I being in what I consider the toughest, most fun game to be in,

which is stand-up comedy, you know, I love it, but I love it, but I'm in love with it too. I know what you mean. It's like a man. It is like a man, and it's like a love and hate thing, too. because you resent it sometimes like fuck this noise I don't want to do this right now and then I know and you must feel this like I'll be like why did I agree to this club why am I in this town? This is a bunch of bullshit I'm quitting this shit

and then you get up on stage they didn't promote right they didn't promote right they didn't sell the club right who are these people the tables don't face the right way and then you get up there and like you just step outside of your body right and you remember everything you love about it

that's right and it only takes it could be one person in the audience If you get that one person, you go, okay, this is what, this is, it's almost orgasmic, the feeling that you have. But I would say, you know, a lot of people, especially now, you know, we're on TV five days a week on the number one network. We're now being able to do things that we want to do and go to award shows. But I think the thing of it is a lot of people gauge their career on someone else. Right. Right.

Yes. Yeah, why are you not Kevin Hart? Well, I don't want to be Kevin Hart. I want Kevin Hart to be Kevin Hart. I want Cat Williams to be Cat Williams. I want Chris Tucker to be Chris Tucker. I want Steve Harvey to be Steve Harvey. And I'm going to say this because I know his interview is probably about me,

but I'm going to tell you the difference. And Steve Harvey is now the most talked about comedian on the earth because of a Missy Universe flood, right? Right, right, right, yeah. Which makes him a genius because nobody was checking for the show. But remember the daytime. Emmy Flub that you caught him. And to me

that's the beauty of just being who you are and letting God work through you and you be the vessel and let him fill you up. I don't have to be anybody else other than me. Absolutely. Because I can't be

the Aisha. But I mean, Shirley, here's the thing. Nobody can be Cheryl Underwood. You know, that's a couple of drag queens. Come on, folks. Try it. I saw a white drag queen do me with the face makeup. I was so drunk. I said, I know, I'm not on stage.

I looked at us. Who is this bitch? And she was doing me good. Oh, my God. And I went backstage and I, bitch. And then we hugged and we drank. And that's when I learned about transgender and things like that. But that's also I learned the difference between stealing and tribute.

Right, right. And, yeah, homage, honoring. I mean, I think, I want to go back to your childhood, but I do want to say that I think that's one of the things about comedy that you learn gradually as an artist is like how to just do you fully. And people will say to you, oh, you know, you could be here, you could be there. No, I'm where I'm supposed to be doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. It's scary, though, because I see some female comics that would say, oh, I'm cursing more because that's how you give book. No, no. Or I wanted to perfect the sexual joke because of what had happened to me in my childhood and in my younger years because I wanted the sexual empowerment.

I wanted what God bless me with, which was sexuality. If you read Solomon, you understand what the matrimonial bed is really there for spiritually. But you see a lot of these comments, well, I want to be like you, so I'm going to do that. Right. And I ask, do you suck dick? Right. No. Well, what are you talking about then?

You don't do it. So it's a really bad, really, really bad joke that I love. It's one of my favorites that I was in a club and someone on stage talking about, I was, I'm, Suckin Dick, Suckin' Dick, Suckin' Suckin' Sucing. Just she's all out of her mouth. Suckin' Dick. I walked and I got on stage behind and I said, that bitch is lying. I said, because we was having a party and we ran out of chicken wings.

And I told her, come on, jump in help with this dick sucking. He'd be saying, I don't sack my dick, what are you talking about? It's the worst joke of the world. Oh my God, it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's recoculous. All right. I want to talk about you, you come home and you're with your father and your mother.

Mm-hmm. We won't be able to unpack, I think, all the complexity of your childhood in this time that we're together. Oh, that I thought my mother hated me and I never ate anything that she could because I thought she was trying to kill me. How old were you? About three, four, five. I would wait. Why did you think that your mom hated you? Because she seemed to, now that I've been on the top

and watch all the experts come in and everything and be around the mothers that are on this show, I think my mother suffered from postpartum depression. My mother would say crazy stuff. Like, I wish I had flushed y'all down the toilet. Oh, God. And I would go. Oh, my.

This girl, I was going to live with my girlfriend. You know? But once I, I mean, when I was little, she did treat me differently. Did she? Because it, and there's a picture in my dressing room that someone drew, and it's a picture of me. But it really looks exactly like my mother when she was a younger woman. So I am really a composite of my mother and my father. If I go around any of my father's relatives, they, oh, you look just like your daddy.

If I go around my mother's or I say, you look just like your mama. And I can hear myself. I talk like her. I am her. But you can feel when you are loved and when you're not loved. You can. It doesn't, as a very young child. Right.

And I can feel it, that it was something different about me, that she seemed to like them differently than me. Who were they? I have my brother Lafayette, my brother Michael, and they have different fathers. Okay. And I have a sister, Frankie, and my sister, Brenda. And they, all of us have different fathers. Okay. So your parents, did they break up rather early?

Oh, did they kind of? No, they kind of stressed it out. You know, like 6371. Okay. You know, but some things, some dallances. Yeah. The things happen. My father is one of them.

I married one woman. And when he married my stepmother, he didn't get married again because that's not something we do. See, we don't have to do a part, too, so you can get into that. Yeah. But my mother was the kind of woman that, She is kind of what my personality is being very flirtatious. Okay.

You know. Being sex positive. Oh, yeah. She comes in a fan of her, and she got hot pants on. Everybody else got on nice dresses. She said, hit kind your mama. You know, so. And she had this beautiful, long, beautiful hair.

And I think that's where I'm craving. hair and she had this cute look, curvaceous figure and this bright, bubbly smile. But I could feel that she didn't like me. And as more I yearn for her, the more abusive and distant. And then being adolescent and rebellious and things, and she just seemed to take it harder on me,

even to the point where there was physical abuse. And there were things where even when my older brothers try to jump in, you have to decide for them, if they don't have a relation with their father, they have to decide who allegiance do they have. And it's our mother, where I had my father. So I had choices that I don't think they had.

And I was going to see them every holiday for the summer and things like that. So I knew my father and we had a very close and strong relationship. The same thing that I wanted with my mother. But it wasn't meant to be, and even when she was dying, I remember being in Cincinnati. I was on layover in Cincinnati coming from a gig. And I remember getting the phone called. She's in the hospital.

She's dying. She's in the very, so I called her. And I was like, look, I have this money saved up because I think she needed a kidney. And I had been told that it took about $30,000 to get on the kidney list. And I said, I got it. I said, let's go, you know, forget everything. I don't need your money. I don't need you.

I said, well, at least let me take care of Frankie for a while until you get back on your feet. No, you know, you don't need to come here. And I was like, what? And then, you know, so I was trying to, like, avoid what was happening. And then somehow we got on the discussion about my younger sister having a guy that they were kind of laid up in the house. This is before my sister was saying. No.

Frankie is my older sister. She's the oldest. My younger sister, Brenda, who always gets mad when I talk about in the media. But she has such great stories. She hates it. She maddened me about Steve Harvey. Something I said on Steve Harvey.

She said on Jerry Springer. Anyway. But she was at a time in her life with a guy that she wasn't married. And I wasn't raised to do that in my parents' house. Now outside in a car or in the park Like a normal candy Yeah, laid up on the street I could even sit on my husband's lap

When we were engaged Oh wow In front of my father That's not something you do Right, it's not something you do So I remember saying Well, why is it that they get to do everything They get the shack in your house

They get to do everything in your house And you hate me And she just unloaded on me And I remember being in tears in the airport begging her to, you are dying, let's fix this. Just say, you love me. What did she say to you?

No. Did she explain herself? Not at all. It was the worst feeling in the world. And then I remember getting on the plane. And I was sitting in first class. And I was in tears. And they just kept bringing.

That's when I first learned about Vakotonic and Bloody Mary. And they were just clean acts and people were hand and stuff over there. And people were rubbing my bag. I was like, I don't know you. It was like, whatever you go on to. It was the worst feeling in the world. And then I remember my sister yelling at me because my younger sister yelling at me because

what did you say to her? All of her monitors are going off. You agitated and why do you do this? And I was like, shit. Yeah. You guys are not getting it. she's going to die. Fix it before you die.

Fix it before you die. And see, my father raised us that, you know, you make amends and you ask for forgiveness and you say, me and my father said, I love you when we saw each other and when we left each other. And he kept the phone number on at our house. It was still on even, I think, a little bit after he died. And I remember being really little, I think about five, six. six years old and I remember him tying my shoes and he thought, this is how you tie you shoe, this is how you tie your shoe. And he kept repeating the number over and over again.

And he said, memorize this number because if you ever need Daddy, this is how you find Daddy. And it's 99444585. And I still know the number and I remember him time and shoes and remember I'm your daddy. Daddy love you. Daddy did not abandon you. Daddy did not leave you. And oh, I remember this is so good. Man, you are better into Oprah. I remember going to see my father when I was a teenager. And I was telling him, well, I don't have the jeans, you know, the La Joress, Gilles, you know, I don't have clothes.

And he said, why? I said, she doesn't buy me anything. She doesn't, I get hand-me-down stuff or I may get one thing and everything. And he said, well, why was she, why she does? Why would she do that? He never spoke bad about her. And he said, why would she do that? And I said, she said, you don't pay any money, so I don't get anything.

Oh, God. Oh, my father was distraught. He was a strong Southern man, but very sensitive about that. And so he went and got his shoe box. And that was back when they had money orders that had that yellow carbon in between them. And they were all lined up in order. And he said, he said, look in the box. Not listening to the box.

He said, what do you mean? Daddy don't love you. And it was something like $140 a week, but it was still a lot of money at that time. And the only thing my daddy wanted was Cadillac. And he paid his child support. And he said, don't you ever think that Daddy don't love it. Daddy might not have a lot, but Daddy will always have a roof over your head. And if you need anything, you call Daddy.

And I think that's why I'm so male directed. it. Even my older brothers were protective of me, you know, but they couldn't fight to battle. Right. You know. They had their own struggle. And they were kids, you know, at least at that time. Yeah, and I think that's why a lot of them weren't drugs because there were things that they probably couldn't face in their lives.

And maybe that's why I do believe in two-parent household. And even though I know single mothers, single mothers do very well. I'm not against single mothers. across the world and like the engine. That's right. That's right. That's right. So I'm not against it. I just had a better two-parent experience because I needed somebody else. And I believe that's why God sent my stepmother. And she was renting the bottom part of the house that my father was living in. Okay. And that's how they got together. And I remember before she died, she said, you are as much my daughter as the ones I gave birth to. And she said, you are so similar.

to me. And that's why I think people thought that that was my birth mother. Right. Because we were pretty much the same person. It's just the sweet as pie, but don't take no smack. Right. Now, did you eventually move out of your mother's house and into your father's house? I, well, on the days where I would get put out. Would you? Oh, my God. Man, one time she hit me in a face and I just said, I'm just tired of this. I'm tired and I hit her back. And we was fighting like a Western. It was like gunsmoke. It was in the bottle of it. Break the chair. I cut you.

I cut you in this. Yeah, it was like that. And the biggest thing for me is I didn't want to leave my sister, Frankie, our oldest sister, who is disabled. She's a baby. And for everything that was happening to me, molestation, rape, you know, everything that was happened to me, I'd get blamed for it. Was that happening in your mother's house? Yes.

Yes. It was happening in my mother's house. My mother was kind of a, she was an LVN. She worked either 3 to 7 or if she get a double ship. She worked 3 to 7 or 11 to 7. You know, she was going to school. And I would say this, it's not all bad with my mother because part of the drive that I have to succeed no matter what I believe came from her and my father.

My mother had a master's degree. My brother was a master's degree. That's where my desire for advanced education came in. But my father was street. smart common sense. And he would always say, don't be no educated food now. Don't have all that book learning. And you don't know how to cross street or no hustle when it's coming towards you. My mother and them, they were kind of street people and

hustling people too. But advanced education was kind of their thing. But my, you know, you have relatives, like you have play cousins. Or people that are always around the house or in and out the house. And, you know, it's a difference. between sexual experimentation, you know, that everybody engages in. It may start off as same-sex, and then it moves on to heterosexual. But then there's a difference between rape and violation and sexual assault. And for my situation, it was when sexual assault, and if I am less than and you don't like me, the grooming individual that molest or assault or rape,

is looking for the person who needs the love the most. That's what they're looking for. And if you can weed out the person and then get them closer to you, you know, and because I was sexualized so early, I'm talking about in the single digits age of my life, all the way through to the double digits and adolescents, and then you believe that you are only working. something and there's an extreme amount of guilt because the body was meant for that and it feels

great but it's wrong because emotionally you can't handle it and secondarily that's not the way it's intended that's intended for your mate to enjoy not for someone to take from you and I remember trying to tell everybody and either you were fast or you were nasty or it's always the girl's fault it's always the woman's fault Always. Always. That's not unique here. That's just...

So I remember everyone was downstairs watching TV, and I think I went upstairs for summary. I think I went to the bathroom because the bathroom was upstairs. And the person who... You've never named this person. Never, never. Do you not want to? We know how to do it.

We don't have to do a part two. Yeah, we will. We have to do a part two. But I would tell you this, the... Once we were discovered, And I'm face down on the couch and he got a hand around my neck and the other hand is down my pants. My mother walks upstairs and what's going on? And instead of her attacking him, she whoops me.

And I think that was the moment where I just really felt, you got to fend for yourself because she don't give us shit, you know. And don't cry. I'm sorry, I just love you. But then this person, and I remember my brother's fighting this person. Because my brother that I'm closest to, I told him. And he was fighting him. And my brother's not a fighter. You know, my brother is, you know, he's saying, your brother's getting beat up at a playground.

I run out. What? I'm in a fight. You know, he's a little sister crazy. And most people didn't really believe me until. further in my life. And then they started to believe because other things were happening.

But I would say for me, once I learned how to defend myself, things like I would stay up on and oh, I watch 90 minutes of Johnny Carson, all of the midnight special, Don Carson's rock concert, until I would hope that the person would

either because they were in the house or they were, you know, as people spend the night or whatever. So I would try to stay awake because it was happening when I was sleep. And then I figured if it's happening to me when I'm asleep, maybe it's happening to my sister Frankie. So that's when I really became more combative and aggressive.

And if you fuck with my sister, I have to kill you. And I tell you this, I remember dating a guy who was kind of a street guy. And for years, I was having a hard time functioning sexually. I would be considered frigid. I can see why. Okay. And he was like, why don't you just tell me about you? You never think a street dude want to hear about you.

Right, right. You want to hear about me? Let me tell you more about me. Yeah, and when I told him, and he asked the same question you asked, you want to tell me who it is. And I was like, no. And he was like, no, tell me who it is. And I said, no, I can't tell you who it is.

He said, I know why you can't tell me who it is. And why? Because I'm going to kill him. And I was like, oh, wow, it's so dashing. It's so dashing. And I think that's why I'm attracted to certain type of men, power, even street power. I remember when I was old, going to reserve duty, I was in my 20s, and I was raped on the way to reserve duty. And I was dating another guy.

But I knew this dude was a street dude because every time I would get off the bus, I was school today. The school was fabulous. You came in school. They were going to go home. Why go home? Go home because you're going to get an education. And somehow we became friends.

And I remember I was having a hard time sleeping. I was having nightmares. And he would sit in my room in my father's house with his back to the window. But he was facing the door. And once I would go to sleep He would say goodbye to my father Because my father's in the living room That's the only person sitting in the living room

He's in the living room watch me rasseling gun smoke You know he goes by Mr. Underwood And then he would go out And so he wanted me to describe Who did it Because he was going to kill him Yeah And I was like oh no

But I was old enough to understand that then And I was like You can't just do that Now you should be able to walk the street If you can't walk the street That means my mom can't walk the street that me my house was like oh my god this is a statue you could

kill somebody for me but you can't but also what was coming out of this man's mouth was I'm going to protect you not only that I'm going to protect you in a way that your mother wouldn't do you know what I mean in a way that the people that should have cared for you wouldn't do

but also what it sounds like was he was a man who believed that women should be able to feel safe and fully realize Absolutely. Absolutely. And the hardest thing for me to do, because after it occurred, the only thing I thought was I got to go to reserve duty, I can't be late for commanders call. So I get there and I go into the dining hall. And I'm very popular on this basis, O'Hare Field. And I was on my way. So I was on the south side of Chicago going to O'Hare Airport, catching the bus and the L at about 4 o'clock in the morning. Okay. I remember getting my tray and going through the dining hall. And I remember one of my best friends said to me,

she was working in downtown. She said, why are your panties around your neck? And I was like, what? And then I just burst into tears because I would have been functioning in shock. Right, right. You know, I was on automatic. I got to get to reserve duty.

I got to get to commander's car. I got to nothing is done. And I remember. them taking me to Resurrection Hospital, which I think is a Catholic hospital. So they wouldn't give me the morning after pill. And this was in the 80s. At the hospital or on the base? At the Resurrection Hospital.

Oh, my God. They wouldn't give it because it was a Catholic hospital. So if he had impregnated me through this assault, this rape, they wouldn't give me the pill for the baby to be, you know, for not to be. It's crazy. And then I remember the police coming. And then I had to call my father. but everybody on the base thought that happened on the base, so they were looking for whoever did this.

And I was like, no. And for some reason, I can remember exactly where it happened, 79th and fielding. And I remember my father just had this look on his face that just, oh, it destroyed me. It destroyed me. And so, you know, and there was only, I think that was the only time that it really destroyed me to see my father.

father in that type of pain that there's nothing there was nothing he could do about it you know and the time that I really saw my father really be what every girl wants her daddy to be was when my husband um after he got out of active duty we were live in chicago we got married and I was in the reserve and he worked at rehabilitation institute and it was right next to wbBM in Chicago and he We were parking a parking garage, and my husband had attempted suicide before. Before you met him or while you were together? While we were together. I don't know if anything before I met him, but I know while we were together, he had attempted.

And he... Did you find him when that happened? Yes, I did. I was working at the Heart Association, and we had some type of nighttime event at the Heart Association. And my husband was supposed to come pick me up. And I remember waiting, and everybody was going home, and it's one. guy, he said, well, I live on the south side. I'll drop you off, you know, and take

your home. I was like, cool, I don't know where my husband is. So I came in, you know, you're young, you're married. You know what? Did you fall asleep? What happened? Where are you? And I walked in the room. I could see his body on the bed, so I thought he was sleep. So I was like, what, did you lay down and go sleep? Forget you was supposed to pick me up?

And he didn't move at all. And from being a medic in the reserve, I knew that the first thing you do when you come upon a body is to assess it. So, So the first thing I automatically did was start to assess the situation. And I flipped him over and the smell came out of his mouth. And I was like, this is not good.

And so they tell you to rub the bottom of feet or press the fingernails or see something that would make a reflex action. Right, right. That didn't occur. So, you know, in the movie, you know, you're supposed to hit somebody's face or something. Get him in the chest. You know, but I slept up and he kind of opened his eyes. And so I started to ask some questions, do you know where you are? Tell me your name.

And some things he could answer, but it was kind of slurred. I said, who was the president of the United States? What city are you in? What day is today? And he couldn't really answer those questions. And I was like, oh, this ain't going to be good. And the only thing I did was going to superwife mode. You know, I call it my friends.

Okay, I had one of my friends who was in reserve with me. And she was a phlebotomist, good girlfriend, Simcannaro Peaches. and her husband was a state trooper and her husband looked similar enough to my husband where you would think they were brothers or related so the ambulance came and because I was popular in comedy

locally you know the police was like oh that's that's Cheryl you know and I was going by my marry name then and he was like oh what's going on what's going on I said look all I want you to do is protect his ability to go back to work and be a regular person because if they

find out that he's attempted to kill himself. Right, right. I don't want anybody use that against him so he can get all the help he needs. That time, he did not die. They, they pumped his stomach and, and so he didn't die. The next time, I think he was smart enough to, I think he was in that valley. It is fair, but smart enough to make sure I couldn't get to him. And every day, the day was just like a regular day. Get up. I think it was the Friday of reserve duty, and we were supposed to hang out. And I said, well, don't forget the mail the bills and the rent check and everything.

And I remember being sleep. You know, your eyes open, your eyes closed a little bit. I can hear the radio because the alarm has gone off. And then I remember hearing something or somebody, I believe it's a spirit, an angel, saying he's gone. And then the phone rang. and then I picked up the phone and the person on the line said, are you, Mrs.

And then they said, you need to come to the hospital. I said, don't worry, I know. And then I got on my knees. I hung up the phone. I got on my knees and I started to bargain with God. I was like, please, if you just let this not be so, I will be a better person.

I will do. And then I caught myself. And I asked God to forgive me for attempting to be equal to him to bargain with him and negotiate with him. then if I could just ask one more thing, Lord, can you just give me the strength to bear whatever your will is? Whatever's going to happen, let me bear it.

So I called his uncle, and I said, you come give me because we need to go to the hospital, and then I called my father, and I said, Daddy is bad. And he said, Daddy's on the way. My dad was the coolest. He's like, Daddy's on the way. Where are you? And I said, well, I'm on my way to the hospital,

and then got to the hospital and they handed me his wallet and his wedding ring. I knew it was bad. And the cop looked so distraught. He just looked so bad. His eyes were red. And he was like, there was nothing that we could do. And I said, no, no, no.

I said, you, you know, because I'm pro-cop. I'm pro-military. I'm pro-good cop. Yeah. But, and, you know, so we didn't have the issues we had, you know, like that. This was the 80s. So I said, no, no, no. I said, I thank you.

I thank you for this, you know. It's a while. It's a wedding ring. Maybe something happened or maybe he was robbed or something like that. And so I went in the room. No, the doctors came and they took me in another room. And they said, we're sorry. And I just burst in that tears.

You know how they're doing the movies. Yes. No! Jesus, no way. It fell on the ground. And there's something in me, say, get your ass up off the flow. Pull yourself together because on my father's side of the family, we don't show that type of demonstrative emotion. And so I kind of pulled myself together.

I said, so where is he? And they said he's in this. You have to identify the body. And so I was walking out. And here come my daddy. And my daddy was, he had a smile on his face. Daddy's here. And he had a hat.

And he was like, come on, what you need? What you need? and I said, go identify the body. And my daddy said, he's your husband. You go out of her. I said, I'm your daughter. You go out of her. And we fired.

Start inviting. And he went in. And then he came out, and he kind of cleared his thought. And I said, hi, look. He said, look, he just got beat up. And I said, it's bad, huh? I said, no, no, no possible. And he said, no.

And I remember getting in the car with him. And I was about to cry. And my father said, uh-uh, uh-uh. Don't, don't, don't start. I said, nigger. You can't be, my daddy. Your wife is at home. My husband is in the morgue.

Yeah. Yeah. We started laughing so hard. I said, pull over. I'm going to walk the rest of it. Oh, we laugh so hard. Let me ask you some. I have two questions for you.

The first is, if it's not too intimate. You just said that your father said that he looked like he'd been beaten up. What did he do to end his life? He jumped off the building, jumped off the parking garage. So wherever he landed, landed on his face. And the funeral home really reconstructed the side of his face where he landed really well. And I remember really trying to figure out what did I do. And one of my good sorority, sister, Dr. Benny Rames, of all the therapy, you know, when you go to therapy, you know, $100,000 of I would have, well, this is about your mother's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut to my husband jumping off a building. This is why I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she was the only one who could give me a breakthrough of saying, you did not do this. People who are clinically depressed, suicidal, they have peaks and valleys. They are very, very happy or they're very, very sad.

It's not if they're going to kill themselves. It's when if the medication doesn't work or they have suicidal thoughts or things like that. And people say, well, I don't agree with that. It is. When will you not be able to come out of that valley of despair? And he couldn't. And I would say this, that to any woman that loves a man, I would say I aggravated some things. The first five years of marriage are very, very hard.

Very challenging. And, you know, we were in our 20s, our early 20s, very young. Got married to just a little peace. I had a very ambitious career in life, you know. internships or doing comedy. I was a very strong-willed person, but I believed in marriage. I still believe in marriage. But in going through this, it really taught me how to be a better mate to someone and to say,

I can't take on your burden. And also, I can't, I will accept that I'm at fault. So that's why everybody gets a good morning and how are you? And even if I hurt somebody, I, I, I always try to go and ask for forgiveness because I don't know when it's either of us when in our last days to be on the earth. But at the same time, what you said about that your friend said to you is true, which is I think, you know, someone does something like that to themselves

and you think like, could I have done more, should I have done more? And the truth is that if that person had a plan, they were going to execute that plan. Well, a lot of people say, you know, when people commit suicide, sometimes it's a double, it's a suicide murder. I want to take you with him, but that wasn't a case for us. But I guess I was a type of person. And when I love you, I love you, no matter what. I love you, good, bad, indifferent, broke, healthy, sick, a lot of money.

You know, people ask me questions and show because I do jokes about Caitlin Jenner. What would you do if your man was transgender? Would you just be together and share clothes and live life? Because I love you. I love you no matter what. I guess because of what I went through. and I'm going to be with you, even if I don't understand what's going on. If I'm truly your mate, and if I'm truly the person that joins with you in marriage, then that's what I believe in.

And that's probably the reason why I'm not married right now, because my father, uncle, and my brothers, it was a, so it's kind of like an Underwood Convention, we were talking about the fact that I probably wouldn't, I only have one more chance to get married. after my husband died, my father said, you got a pass because your husband died. So you can get married again. But if you get married more than twice, something's wrong with you. And that's what I was raised to believe. Interesting. And my father only got married one more time too. And he said, you can't make it work.

All these people can't be wrong. He had a saying, I'm what you tell the world turned against you. When the world turned against you got to go with the world because all of them people can't be wrong. And he would say crazy stuff. Like, Tom, I make a monkey eat red pepper on you. That's ingenious I don't know I don't know like that

It sounds right I want a more country saying Oh god There's so many questions I have Okay Why don't you just do a part two? We got to do a part two We're going to do a part two

Tomorrow Tomorrow we're doing a part two tomorrow Okay You'll do a part two tomorrow Okay you'll do a part two tomorrow Okay you got it Okay so we'll take it up to a certain point We'll stop

Okay you got it So we'll stay with this time in your life right now. You've already, you mentioned that you already had started doing stand-up. You're in the military. You're married. And I want to know what made you want to do comedy. And I want to know about your first set.

I always wanted to be in the entertainment business because of the solitude and sadness of my life. The TV was the one thing that I could look at and go. maybe I could be that, you know. You look at Diane, Carol, and Julia, and you're, I can be the black nurse with a little fun, curry, and, you know, work for the white doctor, or, you know, and, you know, and when you're young, you don't look at things race, you know,

you look at, oh, Keith Partridge is fine. You know, Andy Giff was gorgeous. That was all that was on there anyway. Thank you. So, yeah. So, yeah. Right? Which hearty boy do you like, you know?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, I mean, to me, it was, it was a way to get away, But it was also, you know, you're watching great art, you know, on TV. You know, watching Playhouse Night and you watch it. You know, back in the 60s and 70s, you know, they would put Cinderella on with, I think it was Leslie Ann Warren and Stuart Damon from, he would go on to play Alan Quirmane on General Hospital. So you watch those things. Was it Princess in the P or the mattress with the P. in it with Carabinac? You would watch this stuff.

So, you know, I knew Bernadette Peter wasn't Joey Hetherton, you know. I knew who Mary Martin was doing Peter Pan. So all that, it was kind of like studying for me. So I wanted to be in the entertainment business. By the time I'd seen Moms Mabelie and Minnie Pearl and Phyllis Diller, I think it was Doty. It said, Doty Goodman and it was like Carol Worley and all these great comics, female comics. I was like, that might be something. But for black people, you're either a singer or a dancer.

So from the dancing part, I saw Paula Kelly, Catherine Donham, and Lola Falana. You couldn't tell me I wasn't going to be Lola Falana, especially when she married one of the Tavares. Oh, you couldn't tell me. And so I thought, well, maybe I can be that. And by the time you saw Debbie Allen, oh, so you can sing and you can act. Oh, I want to be that. Okay. And then you can choreograph.

Oh, okay, I kind of want to be that. be that. I'm Eartha Kett, I remember. Yes. Oh, we all, Santa Baby? Yeah. Yeah, before she was on, boom, right? Leslie Uggams, before she was Kizzy on Roos.

That's why I always tell you, you could be a good Leslie Uggams. But I wanted to be that. And then you would see Harry Belafonte, you know, singing with, what's that white girl that used to sing downtown and stuff? And she touched her hand and all the, everybody panicking. We didn't know anything about that. I just know, I want to be that. Whatever that is, I want to be it.

And then I thought, I was singing in the choir. I had a decent voice. My voice was kind of like Diana Ross's. So I thought, well, maybe I could form a singing group. My brother had put us together as a singing group and everything. But they didn't really have that drive to be an entertainment business like I had to drive. And I was always in the library. So I was always reading all this stuff and studying.

I said, well, I want to be this. Or maybe I want to be Ida Lepino and Lucille Ball. This is before Oprah had Harpo Studio. maybe I want to be that. You know, oh, Mary Pickford was with her husband, and they had a studio, maybe I want to be that. Never thinking you're black, you're a female, it's going to be a little harder than you thought. Once I figured I could not, I wasn't a great enough dancer. And as a black singer, you had to blow.

You had to be a Rie the Franklin. You had to be, even today you do. Yeah. So you couldn't be all this tenasha and all. all of this light voice singing that they do now. Oh, no, you had to be Jennifer Holiday. You know, the closest Jennifer Hussein. So you had to be that. So I wasn't going to be that. And I remember the first time I did comedy, it was a war game. We were playing war games. And I think it was Reforger 82 or 83. It was when we were reinforcing Europe and Germany

when we thought we were going to fight the Russians. And there was some downtime. Where were you? in, where was I, I was in England. Okay. I think it was either Lake and Heath, Mindenhire or Lake and Heath, because it was, like, because we were the medical service evacuation unit. So we were playing war games over there. Which, you know, the military were you?

I was Air Force. Air Force. That's what I thought. Air Force. Yeah. I couldn't, okay. Yeah. We play war games with everybody.

So the Navy, the Army, you know, the Marines, you know, and the Air Force. So we all play war games. So we were playing war games. We had some downtime before patients were coming in to simulate this mass casualty situation. So I think the commander said, somebody need to entertain us. And somebody said,

Cheryl's funny. And then I just got up and talked about everybody on the base and everybody in scratch and they laughed. But before that, I would say my true really first group comedy thing was baccalaureate in high school. Yeah. Because I blew the audition to be the speaker for graduation. Because I just thought that's not a silly time.

We're graduating. You know, we're going to see, we've only just begun. Yeah, so yeah, we're not going to do that. And I blew it, and everybody in school was so mad. Really? Because I was rally commissioner. And I was telling jokes there. And that was the first time I knew how to write a comedy

set that at first, because we were always loose, we always lose the game. It was worse than Greece. We always lost the game. And nobody was coming to the rallies that were at 7 o'clock in the morning until I became rally commissioner. And we would have 500 people in the gym early in the morning because I was cracking jokes. We had performances and we would dance and everything. And I think that was my first comedic professional set, you know, I didn't get paid for it. Right. That's. was your first kind of experience. Yes. And then for baccalaureate, I wrote, I took the old testament.

I took people out of the Bible, and I put everybody in the school district name in it. And people were dying. They were dying, laughing. They were like, why didn't you do that for graduation? And I said, there's a time and a place for certain things. But that regret was what made me go for it in college and be the salutarian. And I remember my father, my father brown suit was his. thing. As dark as his skin was a brown suit. He was dressed up when he put a brown suit on.

And he was so proud that I was on the stage with the governor of Illinois, Governor Thompson, Big Jim Thompson, and I cracked a joke on him. And he liked the joke. And he was like, you're going to be something. We don't know what you're going to be in life. He was going to be in something. But I would say my first gig in Chicago was a place called the Apple Pub. Before you told me, Apple Pub story, after you got up in front of everybody during that little war games interval and you cracked everybody up, did you think, did you have like a, you know, like a lightning bolt moment, oh, I'm good at this or I want to do more of this? Or was it just a moment then for you? I would say this. I, even through college, I was pad in my papers with humor. If you

need 10 pages, five pages was jokes and humorous thought about. something historic or something you study in or, all my teachers, even in elementary school, high school, they were all saying, you are funny. I didn't know I could do it for a living because I'd never really,

I saw other famous comedians. Can't see yourself. That's right. That's right. I couldn't see me. I couldn't, you know, but I would say at that time,

that's when I learned that I really just didn't want to make black people laugh. Yeah. I wanted to make everybody laugh, but I didn't want to embarrass black people. That was my thing. Don't embarrass. I wanted to be like Skoy Mitchell and Nipsey wrestling, Buddy Hackett and Mawksaw. Yeah. Flip Wilson.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And when I was hearing about the stories about Flip Wilson and how he was really getting the first money, that first big money at NBC, and he was bringing other people in, the Red Foxes and the Richard Pryors and everything. You know, I want to be that. Isn't that King Cole? You know, I want to be, I want to be, you know, and there was, I would say that once I start to perform in front of crowds of people, it kind of soothed my male side.

Because I didn't want to be the girl, a comic, I wanted to be Joey Bishop. You know, I wanted to be with the tuxedo on, with a tie with cigarette, drinking a brown liquor. and my family is Crown Royal, just standing there and just telling the jokes and why I ought to and take my wife flees because that's what I have been watching. I wanted that. I wanted to be red skeleton

and red buttons. I want to be those guys because that's what I saw. You know, a little Sammy Davis and when remember Carol Burnett came? Yeah, to the show? Yes, when she came to the talk, I really want to be her because her voice had this tone to it

that was still male. Strengths. Yeah. And she just looked great and those Bob Mackey gowns. So I thought I could be that, maybe a song and dance person. That's why I took that.

Maybe a song and dance person. I never really envisioned to having a career in stand-up. Never. And once I start to listen to more Richard Pryor, Pig Meet Markham, and Godfrey Cambridge. Godfrey Cambridge really,

and Dick Gregory touched my black empowerment. side. And Dick, Dick, Gregory was such an intellectual, too. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. And Godfrey Camer's, when you're talking about watermelon man, you know, he's a, it's a white guy who turns black and like him better as a black man. I mean, that was just groundbreaking to me. So it was kind of an awakening for me. But I just never could see that. But then I thought, well, if you know a lot about certain things,

If you can sing a song and do a little soft shoe and be funny, maybe I could be one of those triple threat entertainers or whatever. But I always wanted to be on both sides. I want to produce and I wanted to perform. And then when Oprah came about, because I'm kind of jumping around, but Oprah was the thing that made me say, you must be in front of the camera as a black woman first to get behind the camera to have true power.

Because I'm not going to wait for anybody to give me a job anymore. No, no. Because they never saw a me, a black female Republican telling really strong sexual jokes because all of that was inside of me. And the last component to what I wanted to express was Richard Pryor. Because that pain, that violation, that unloved, that do things to yourself because it's been done to you thing. And I remember being in a room where he was. and I couldn't, I could only get so close to him because it was drawing me to something that I, I really didn't want to, I didn't want to face. Really?

You know, it was kind of like, you know, his drugs and him dating, you know, Pam Greer and, you know, and I was like, oh, my God, it's almost like I'm drawn to my own reflection. not in a narcissistic way, but kind of like a, this is your kind of spirit. If you go over there, you're going to want to do drugs. You're going to want to. And I was like, but my daddy said, well, do drugs. You drink all the crown row. You wrote, but you don't do drugs. You know, and to this day, I tell people, if they figure out a way to put cocaine or crack a

of her and went over some ice, you know. We might have a problem. But no, I just wanted to be what I saw as a great comic. And then the more research I did, and when I first performed in front of my unit, and I became notorious for get Cheryl to get up and make us laugh. And so that's what happened. And every bass I went on, every place I went, make us laugh, make us laugh. And then I was performing in Tops and Blue, but I was performing as a dancer.

Then I attempted to perform as a singer, and I wasn't great. But by the time I got to consistent performing and had the courage, I saw an ad in, I think it was in the Sun Times. It was a little bitty ad, and it said, Comics wanted Apple Pub, and it had an address on Irving Park Road. And I called, and a guy said, come down. And I had no idea that we don't go to that neighborhood. it. Stop right there, because tomorrow, we're going to start with a story. Okay, yeah, that was part one, and then we're going to do that.

You got me too. Oh, my story. I love it. I love it. Woohoo. All right. That was the first half of my conversation with Cheryl Underwood, and as I mentioned, the second half will post forthwith, post-taste, presently, whatever word means soon.

So stand by for that. Thank you for all your support. Thank you for all your love. I know that for a lot of you, it's been frustrated if the show has dropped down to one episode, but please understand what magical freedom it has created for my life that I am getting a little bit of extra time to rest and not get mononucleosis or Zika or Ebola or whatever happens to you.

Walking pneumonia, a chest infection, a black eye, whatever happens to you when you don't sleep, and you just drink and cry in a darkened corner in the few minutes that you have to yourself each day. The exciting thing is that you can catch me in a variety of ways. Every day on the talk, starting in March, in Season 7 of Archer, starting in March or April, I think, on the next season of Whose Line is It Anyway? Every Wednesday night on Criminal Minds at the end of this season,

lots and lots of opportunities to check me out. So don't feel bereft. If you're feeling as if there's something missing from your life, there's probably honestly too many opportunities to see me on television and uh and i should probably cut it out all right you guys are the greatest you are my army you are delightful you are supportive you are complex you are thoughtful and you are fucking legion i can't wait to talk to in the next one late girl on guy is a production of hot machine blowing shit up since 2009