Girl on Guy with Aisha Tyler - girl on guy 213: sheryl underwood part II

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

at long last, this is the second half of the sheryl underwood conversation. plus aisha announces exciting news, including the launch of the kickstarter page for her new film. enjoy!

Hey everybody. For those of you who have been a long-time girl-on-guy listeners, you know that it has always been a goal of mine to start directing feature films. And I've been talking about it for years on this show. And finally, that time has come. I wanted to make an independent film, a small film, a film that I could make for the least amount of money possible. So I'd have the most creative independence and freedom that I possibly could. And people aren't making films at this price point anymore. So I'm going to be kick-starting my first movie. And I am inviting you guys to be a part of you. of my team. The Kickstarter page is going to go up the second week of April. I will be tweeting and Facebooking the URL, but it is going to be Kickstarter.com slash access film. The movie is called Access, and I hope that you guys will visit the Kickstarter page and join me in being a part of my film. You guys have been so supportive over so many years of this show and of me, and I could not thank you enough. And this is going to be the next chapter of my creative work, and I would love for you to be a part. So check it out. The URL will be Kickstarter.com. slash access film. The URL is not active yet. It's going to be active the first week of April.

So please follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr. And I will make sure to let you know when that link goes live. You are my army and you are Legion. This is Girl on Guy. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Girl on Guy 213. Welcome to the show. This is the second half of the Cheryl Underwood interview that posted last month. So if you haven't already listened to that, do that now. And it will highly, greatly increase your enjoyment of this episode of the show. If you haven't already done it, it will also greatly enhance your enjoyment of this show to go to GoOn Guy.com.net and upgrade to a premium subscription, which gets you access to the entire 250 episode back catalog of Girl on Guy. As you may know, this show has gone from a weekly show

to a monthly show in order to accommodate by many other creative obligations. It was a painful change, but one that needed to be made. There is no growth. without change. And you can subscribe to the show for as little as 79 cents a month. Right now, everybody who subscribes to the show for six months or more gets three free months and you use the code G-O-G-3-free. That's G-O-G-3-free run-word when you go sign up for your premium Girl and Guy account and it gets you the entire back catalog, including all the exclusive episodes. You can also download the app for free, which is the best way to access that back catalog. although you can also listen to it on your desktop and via RSS once you are a subscriber.

Remember that the most recent 10 episodes of Girl on Guy will always be free and available to you at Girlong Guy.net and on iTunes or Stitcher or wherever, great podcasts and perhaps crack cocaine are sold. I don't know. I don't know where you got your crack cocaine. Probably not on iTunes, but I'm old and I don't understand technology. All right, let's get the business out of the way. This episode of Girl on Guy is brought to you by longtime Girl on Guy. supporter, Warby Parker. And I have a very cool, a very ace pair of Warby Parker frames that I love sporting. They are stylish and delightful. I posted a photo of them back on my book tour on my Instagram page and you can go check that out there on my Tumblr page as well, which are both

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It's the best of all worlds combined in some kick-ass frames. Go to Warbyparker.com slash girl and guide to avail yourself of the offer, the free try-on, and these beautiful glasses at a beautiful price with a really great way to give back built in to their business model. Check it out. It's Warbyparker.com slash girl on guy. Check that out. All right, as I mentioned, this is the second half of the conversation with Cheryl Underwood. And I hope you enjoyed the first one. It was revelatory. It was emotional. I got emotional. I'm sure I get emotional in this one, too. If you thought you knew her, you definitely did not. If you just knew her as my co-host on the talk, or if you just knew her as a stand-up comedian

or as the host of BEZ's Comic View, she is so much more than all of those things. She is a military veteran, a brilliant mind. She has multiple degrees. And her comedy, her comedy point of view and attitude and timing are second to none.

So I hope you enjoy this second conversation with a lovely, well, the second half of a two-day conversation with the lovely and talented comedian producer. my co-host on the talk, The Sensational Cheryl Underwood, coming at you, straight out of my dressing room,

at the talk, and right into your face. All right. This is part two of my Cheryl Underwood, Odyssey. It's like an hobbit. It is, it is. It is.

It's our magnum opus. And, well, it's always so much to talk about, but we'll never get it all done if we don't start. So when we left off last, You were, you had been, you had been thinking about doing stand-up and you had looked in the newspaper. Yes. And you had seen an ad for a county club. And this is in Chicago, right?

In Chicago, yeah. I think it was the Sun-Times, there was a small little thing that said, Comics wanted Apple Pub, and the address was Irving Park Road. So I get on the train to get off of Irvine Park Road, and I catch, I get on the bus. And I remember the bus driver was Puerto Rican. And I said, do you know where this address is? And he said, he looked at the piece of paper and he said, you go in there? And I go, yeah.

And he goes, do you know what kind of neighborhood that is? And I was like, no, it's just a neighborhood. They need comics. Right, right. And he got to do comedy. He kind of laughed. And he held the bus until I got all the way walked down the street. Did he?

Did he? Yeah. And people were just yelling out. The foulest stuff. Because, you know, Chicago is a great city, but it can be quite segregated. Well, I was going to say, my experience with it is that it may be similar to Boston, like, really fractured. Right. This is the black neighborhood.

That's the Latino neighborhood. And you don't come here. That's right. And you don't come here. But I grew up in Chicago. So I knew the places that you don't go to or you don't go after dark or you don't get off the bus. Right. We know that.

We knew that. What I thought was, wow, was that they were yelling. And then I really did not know that there's a Dick Gregory joke that's similar to what I said. I get there and I see that this is really a pub. Okay. And it ain't none of us in it. Really? Okay.

So what kind of a neighborhood was it? Was it like an Irish, like a white working class neighborhood? Irish, like we don't take no who you know here. Yeah. Why are you here? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. What was funny was at first, I didn't know what joke to tell. So I just automatically said, you white people are so nice. And they looked at me and I said, somebody just yelled out, nigger go back to Africa. And I was like, and they're going to send me on vacation to see my people in the motherland. And that, that opened the door. And then somebody yells. yelled out, have you ever had sex with a white man? I said, yes, but that's because the rent

was due and he was the landlord. But now I own the building. Oh, bitch, come on. Put it. And after that, I was coming every week and it was standing room only and nobody could get there. They were coming to see this girl that everybody was talking about. Right. Right. These white hard people that was like, what the fuck, you know. And I was wearing my Clark Kent glasses there. There was military. Yes, the military issue. Drew Carey used to wear those glasses as well in the military. But I was also wearing a mid-drift cut off top.

I was a size three, between size three and five at that time, had the, you know, the nice Janet Jackson's stomach. I always think of you as petite, but when you were young, you were like, really, like tiny. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then, so I was kind of, it was kind of a sexy nerdy thing. Yes, yeah. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

about the councilman at that time, Harold Washington was the mayor. Mm-hmm. He was the first black mayor of Chicago. And we, you know, we work, everybody worked on a campaign, all the neighborhoods. So I was talking about aldermen, you know, and that was really the kind of the growth of my political humor. Interesting. Because I didn't really have a set. Right. You know, I had jokes, sexual jokes that I was doing in black cliques like Robert 500 Room or Mr. G's or, you know, the Shickrick House and stuff like that, that I knew worked there. I really didn't know how to talk to other races of people,

but I knew that I wanted to do sex, God, and politics. So that's- The three, like, I mean, I'm trying to feel like how I'd articulate this, but they're like the three things that you're supposed to stay away from. The ones that I wanted. And I wanted to have as much power in my set to influence thought as the great comics that I was looking at. And like I was saying, I like Mort Saul.

And I love the Gaffrey Cambridges. And I just love the Dick Gregory's, the more research I was doing. And what I tried to stay away from was, you know, when you first start doing comedy, you need to look at other comics to get the mechanism of comedy. Just to understand the math of comedy. How does it work? Because you have intuitive shit, you think, well, I think this is funny. Right.

But until you understand how to set things up, how to play the audience. That's right. Yeah, and you have to learn by watching. That's right. That's right. And you have to pivot out of a mistake, but you have to have some go-to stuff that you know is going to work. And for me, I wanted to be as relaxed as my family was in the kitchen. Yeah.

My father was hilarious. My older brother, Michael, hilarious. You know, my uncles were hilarious people. You know, and so you're in there cooking and stuff. So I would take jokes from the house and practice them on these white people because I knew they never see my relatives. Right. But I wasn't doing that humor.

You haven't seen my relative to do his stand-up. Right. You know, my brother and his friends, well, that's my joke. You know, but I was taking there, the scenarios. Yeah. And what it really did for me, it also taught me when was a good time to leave something. Once I had built the room, and it was just a small place. It could hold maybe 100, 150 people all packed in.

And that's also when drinking became a part of, of the celebration of comedy. Right. So do the set. There'd be other comics up. They'd get up and do set. And we'd all be drinking an apple pub. And we'd all either get on a train or get in a cab and go home.

And it did endear me to a set of people that probably didn't like black people as a whole, just because of a way of life. And so I did have a militant kind of feeling at certain times. When things would happen, I'd be. became very, very angry racially. Now, when things would happen in your set or when things would happen in the world? Both. Okay. Both.

Both. And when things would happen in the set, I would be angry because I'm like, so you didn't do this to anybody else. Right. So you think you're going to pop off at me. Right. You know, and everybody got this, you know, typical comeback. You know, I don't knock the broom out your hand.

You know, I don't knock the dick out your mouth. Yeah, yeah, exactly. stuff like that. But then there was another situation where my father was a blue dog Democrat. He was a conservative Democrat. Once he found out I was a Republican because

I was doing all this library studying. I'm like, well really, I'm a Republican. Frederick Douglass, Senator Edward Brooks, Arthur Fletcher, you know, the... If you go back far enough, yes, Jackie Robinson. It wouldn't be affirmative action. It wasn't for Arthur Fletcher, bringing it to Richard Nixon.

So I'm thinking, I'm like, well, maybe I'm this. And then, you know, and Democrat, you know, when you look in Chicago, you're a patronage, you're looking at Alderman. We are taught, and I'm not saying it's legal, wink, wink. I'm saying we're taught. When you get pulled over by the police, you hand your driver's license with a $20 bill folded underneath the driver license. That was what it was like in Chicago. That's what we were taught to do. And we were taught that if you ever needed something taken care of, you go to Cicero for all of us that took Latin Key. You go over there and get it taken care of.

So while we may have lived separately, we know we went to the Italians for certain things, we went to the Irish for certain things, you know, we went to, you know, K-town or somewhere else for certain things. But everybody was separate, but, and worse terms, separate but... Right, right, yeah. It's the Chicago way. So I wanted to talk about those things. And the more I wanted to talk about republicanism because I was like, okay,

Democrats think they got us on lock and they seem to want us to be broke you know, want us to be poor. I believe in the gospel of prosperity, you know, so Ronald Reagan is out and, you know, and everything is happening and it's the 80s and I'm like, well, what's wrong? Ronald Reagan looked better than go up with the chop

with the birthmark on the head and everything. We're about to beat the Russians. Plus, I was in the military. Yeah, yeah. And I can see that also with your faith-based upbringing. That's right. That's absolutely right. And they were showing us films where the Russians was playing their war games with live, on live chemical, what they was telling us, live fire.

They was flame throw, before Star War, flame throw a rush. I was like, how we beat the motherfuckin? We had to mix up something, some drain on with some lines of that leaves, and throw it on them. Some vinegar and some baking some. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some salt. How are you going to beat them? So those were the type of jokes that were growing within me. And I remember doing Indecision 96.

You remember that? I do. I do remember that. It was Bill Maher. Yeah. And they asked me to do Republican material. And it was in, was it in Aspen? I think it was in Aspen. That makes sense to me.

I'm trying to think back that far. I think it was Aspen. And them white people, because I guess it was the liberal Hollywood faction of agents and people that people that flew in to do it. And they was looking at me with a twist smile. It was one white lady with a fur coat smiled at me not good. That's right. That's right. But I was essentially bombing. Really?

Bombing, bombing. And I do kind of a comic, there's things that I learned from that set. A comic, a white male comic kind of was trying to like kind of knock me off my rhythm before I went out. We got into this debate. And I didn't let it shake me, but I wasn't as focused as I should have been. And I did the jokes that the producers told me to do. Right. Well, whenever you get into that thing and you have to run material by people, even when it's your own, I mean, it's always your own stuff, but even when you know, they've selected from the stuff you've offered them, it throws you out of your own rhythm.

This is my set. This is what I want to do. So what I learned that night, because it didn't go well, and I remember talking to the producers and they were saying, well, we're going to cut it out of the thing. And I said, let me just explain some to. First, I thank you for that. But also, I know that footage will show up when I become the comic that I'm going to become. It's going to show up. I said, so you can air it and do whatever you want with it or you can not cut it out.

But I thank you for the opportunity. Right. The thing that I learned, though, was when you are called to do any performance of your own material, you do what got you invited. And the person that told me that was Toobox's record. Wow. Tell me that we were taping. Remember Roseanne had that show Saturday night special or whatever? Yeah, it was like a kind of a variety thing.

Yeah. And I was there and I was kind of pacing backstage. And because at that time I was doing some strong O.J. Simpson, you know that motherfucker did it. I don't know why your bullshit being black since 71. You know, black man with a knife. So I was doing all this material. And there is a, for us as African American comics and female comics, you run the risk of all it takes as one moment in your set to turn everybody against you, right? Just to derail.

Yes, yes. But I was killing with the material and I was the only one taking a different perspective of you wouldn't whip my ass. And my family ain't going to stand by and watch me get my ass look just because you are who you say you are. And you're rich. That's right. They're going to jump in one time. Who you are. That's right.

And when I go back to OJ the next day, because I'm going to go back to him, because that's how the shit go. My family going to go, you on your own this time. Don't call us when he docked at eye. So those were the toast that I was doing. And Tupac and I were in the green room, didn't even know he knew me. And he said, Cheryl. And I turned around and I said, wow, you know. And he said, what's the matter?

And I said, oh, I'm just kind of worried. You know, and this was after indecision, 96. So I was like, I'm just kind of worth it. And so he put his arms around. It was funny. We didn't even know each other. Put his arms around me. He smelled great.

I think he was wearing a cashmere sweater or something. That costs a lot of money. And so he said, look, they invited you. You'd invite yourself. Do what got you invited. And from that day on, I did what got me invited. And I was just so, he said, sure, you know you funny. I know you funny.

And I'm the baddest out here, my game. you do what got you invited. And what that taught me was, you do what the producer saw, but then you do the joke above and below it to establish your relationship with your audience. A lot of comics don't understand. You can establish a relationship with your audience

in less than 30 seconds if you set up the jokes right. You don't go out and go, hi, I'm Cheryl Underwood, and I'm from Arkansas. You go out there and you do some jokes that get them on the side, some transitional jokes, And that's why I do my jokes. It was a joke book.

I think it was something, Melitzer, where they talk about writing in threes. And I write in threes. Good joke, better joke, kill a joke, move on. Good joke, better joke. So it's a rhythm. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, move on. Move on.

And so I learned that. Then I got through that set and it worked out. And Rose and I find out wanted to do a sitcom with me. And you know the black guy that's on Grey's Anatomy? the older man. Oh God, he's so great. He was there last night. Yes, he was there last night.

I can't think of his name and I'm terrible. James. Not James. Oh, I'm, you know, I can't help. Well, I never remember men. He's a handsome. Married men's names. Anymore.

I'm like, you know. Because I always get caught up. That's part three. We have to get back again and talk to sex. But, I thought it's James Packer? No. It's like pardon or part in or something.

Yes. So, anyway. She wanted to do, after that, she wanted to do a sitcom with us, where we were, at first, she was going to introduce us on Roseanne, and then she was going to do the sitcom. It's really cool. But I'm glad it, I mean, I'm glad it kind of didn't happen. And then the next time I really learned, by the time my reputation, because I didn't get Comic View like everybody else. Okay, now, before you talk about Comic View, because we're going to dive into both of those in, like, a real way.

The one thing I wanted to point out that I was hearing from you that I really enjoyed, was and I'm not trying to I'm not trying to liken us in any kind of like you know I'm like you but but we are very similar we're similar in different ways but like really similar in the fact that

what you did was it wasn't calculated you were being who you were but what you found was the cut that really distinguished you from everybody else doing stand-up comedy and people would have looked at you and been like oh okay she's a black female comedian. She's just like

ABC, DE. But you, there's nobody like you, and there never has been. Oh, that's so sweet. I'm serious. Not just because you're funny, because you're fucking funny as shit, but because you, you were going to be yourself. You weren't going to say, okay, well, you know, I'm a black Republican and people aren't feeling that, so let me move

over here. Yes. You know what I mean? You just did you, and, but that, that requires a fight, Cheryl, because you're not doing people expect of you. And a lot of times people like, can't you be more like this? Because it would work better. I wasn't getting work because one side I was too dirty and the black female comics were not considered adult. They were doing song parodies. They were talking about my man, I don't have no money. My man ain't got no money and I don't have no money.

Or there were very obese, unattractive women. That kind of non-threatening. Yes. Which was decent in common. you didn't see sexual swagger come out to black female comedian tell Marsha Warfield really. The only one I thought about was-I saw her do a hot dog eating a hot dog Joe. And I was like, if she could do that, I can do a straight-up edge of. Right, right.

I was thinking about moms maybe. But she wasn't, she was doing sexual material, but she wasn't, when you looked at her, she wasn't sexual. That's right. She was an old lady talking bad. With no teeth. And so she could say anything, anything crazy old lady. That's right. And everybody dug it.

But that kind of power was what I wanted. Mm-hmm. And then you see a woofie gold. doing characters. And I don't do characters. And it was not my goal to be an actress. My goal was to be a comic like the men. I wanted to have power.

Stand on stage. Didn't move around. Don't have props. Dominate. That's right. Do the set. And if the set ain't working, you better figure out how to make it work fast enough. So by the time my reputation was growing.

And I was married when I was growing my career in Chicago. See, what happened was I started in Fresno. I think in the early 80s. I need a map. I was in Fresno. See, because I went to Atwater High, San Joaquin Valley, Atwater High being a rally commission. They don't go on to get in college,

community college. So I was going to Fresno City College. And so they had this funniest woman in Fresno contest. And I was wearing this leopard kind of high V leotard thing that was very sexy and my hair was all blown out. This very African look, and I was doing all this sexual material, and they was looking at me like, ugh. And the men was like, I want to clap on my girlfriend's looking at him. Right, right, right, yeah, exactly.

So I knew I had something. I was wearing pumps and fishnets on stage. So then by the time I get to Chicago and really start testing out that type of point of view, women were popping up out my show like The Great Pumpkin, well, I'm not listening to this. I'm not doing any of this. I'm not doing it. But men were clapping. Right.

So I was like, okay, so I think I have the men. Okay, and if I could just find a way to get the women. So by the time I get to first deaf comedy jam, there comes a show that seems to be perfect for what I do. Perfect for you. Because not only is it focused on kind of black comedy and the black point of view, but it was on cable. So you could do your material and you didn't have to alter it. That's right. Uncut.

The urban comedy, raw like hip-hop. was. So what happened was by my husband died. I went back to my maiden name. Got a job, came out here to California and everybody was calling me. And you were out of the military at this point? No, I was still in the military. By the time I was getting, I got the call to be mobilized again for Desert Storm Desert Shield. Okay. And then I was at, I was stationed at O'Hare Field. I was in the Air Force Reserve. I was stationed at O'Hare Field. And then they flew me back to Travis Air Force Base to do, to be mobilized for Desert Storm District. Okay.

So I was still doing all this, working on my master's degree, you know, trying to rebuild my life. Can I ask you a quick question about that time? Which is, because I really wanted this hour to be about stand-up, but, you know, you're an artist on stage and your experiences in your life, whether directly or indirectly are always a part of what's going on with you as a performer. You've lost her husband, which I know.

was incredibly traumatic. It devastated me because I wanted to be an entertainer who when I put my bags down, my kids go, Mommy, what did you bring me? And the dog ran up on me and my husband go, I need a sandwich. That's what I really want. I want to be a wife and a mother and in the community and do community service and do everything I wanted to do as an entertainer and have those things merge together.

I wanted to have a full life as an entertainer. And when my husband died, and I was like, wow, I'm supposed to be doing this together with you. And I did not want to get back on stage. And it was Bernie Mac that came. His nickname was Blue. Came when I was in Chicago. So I know we're going back and forth. But Bernie Mac, all of us knew each other.

Bernie Mac, Adele Givens, all of us knew each other. Damon Wayans, everybody, we knew each other from them coming and judging contests and all of us working together in Chicago. So Bernie Mac comes and he knew somebody that lived across the street. Then they found out, oh, she. lives over there. Bernie came with a little jug of Ernest and Giulio Gallo wine and they said Blue is at the door and I was like, what is that

motherfucker doing in my house? You know, I don't know him like that. And he sat me down and said, bitch, what's wrong with you? Because I was drinking a case of beer a day, wasn't bathing, just would sit around in a house coat. Which makes sense after you've lost your husband. I was hurt.

I was hurt. And Bernie said, bitch, you're going to let all the dreams die? You know, we know you love this motherfucker. He was looking he mean mugging all us anyway We know you love him But get your ass together and get back on stage And that kind of gave me the strength And there was always some kind of guardian angel

Or somebody that would go, what the fuck are you doing? You're going to blow this, you know And you have talent And you can do this Now did it come easy? Absolutely not Everything that I've ever done I had to fight for

Even going to deaf comedy jam They were like, hey You at first I couldn't get on it. Couldn't get on it for nothing in the world. And all my friends were on it. Yvette Wilson, you know, I knew Adele Givens. Adele Givens came to me.

We were at roses on the west side of Chicago. And that was back when, oh, it was really drinking days where you could drink and still be the same size you were. You know, it wasn't affecting you, right? And I remember that that day because my husband was talking to me about a divorce possibly. Really? And I said, before I left to go do the gig, motherfucker, I told you I don't believe in divorce. I told you not to marry me. I told you not to fuck with me. And when you said, I don't want to marry you, but I don't want nobody else to marry you. I thought that was just love and all this. You know, I didn't know that there was something mentally happening to him. Right. And I remember Adele walking up to me going, I want to do what you do. And this is this. And I said, baby, what you do is do your life. Do yo said nobody can steal you from you. You do it and don't let nobody tell you

You can't do it especially as a woman. You could do it just like I'm doing it just like anybody else is doing it And so we knew all these people and then when she went is my understanding she went to New York I went to California and I also stopped doing comedy under my married name and was doing it on my maiden name So then we find out that And I've really never told this story that it was Hope Flood, who's a good friend of mine. And we have this very love, hate, cancer, Scorpio, relationship. It was me, Mellie Camacho, Hope Flood. We're all good friends.

Stacey McLean. So you know these names, Kim Whitley, Sherry Shepherd. You know, we're all good friends. And when I met Samoa, I met Samoa on the East Coast. And I remember Samoa and I talking about. Why does the black female comic have to look bad? Why can't she be sexy? Why can't she be sharp?

And when I saw you, remember when I saw you at the comedy festival? Yeah, that was in Montreal. And you were hosting. And they, you know how they had to the comedy festival. They jaded them and I said, hold the fuck on. You introduced me. I said, hold the fuck on you. You motherfucker's going to clap for this bitch.

You're doing shit. I can't even do. She's doing, shit. You're a motherfucker clap. God damn it. Come back out here, end you stuff. He's tough. All right.

Like you know, because I burn this motherfucker damn. I'm going to fuck you like me a knot. I don't need no goddamn TV show. But you're going to respect this girl. I remember. And that's how we kind of bonded. Yeah,

that's how we kind of bonded. But then I got a call. Hope Flood was on the phone with another comedian who told me that I was being blocked. And it was from deaf comedy jam. And I've never said this person's name because she's no longer on this earth. God rest her soul, Yvette Wilson.

Oh, really? Here, let's put it. Oh, hold on. Can you put it? Do you need to get it? Oh, no, no, not at all. And it was Yvette Wilson. And she was telling me that being blocked.

And I remember I started to cry. And Hope and Yvette was like, don't cry. I've never named those people. Never. I won't tell you who they said was blocking you. I would just say. Is that person still on the earth? That person is still on the earth?

That person is still. on this earth and still like, hope it's still alive. The person that they said was blocking me, still alive. And Yvette Wilson passed on. So in my mind, I thought, okay, I get this. You know, I watch All About Eve. I don't know how I go, you know what I'm saying? So my friend Andre, he's a personal trainer out here now.

And he's a cold that I was being blocked. Yes, so you were being blocked from Deaf Comedy Jam. And you're saying you didn't know who the, you know who the person was. knew who the person was. They told me who the person was. And the reason that I cried is because I never thought that that person would do it. And the reason I have to say that person is because when someone blocks you, you could either be mad about it and become bitter or you can go, maybe they're making a point. Maybe there's something about me. Or maybe it's competitive or, you know, I'm trying to figure out why is this happening? Why is this happening? Right. Right. Right. So, and I was sad. But then what I thought was, I talked to my friend Andre, and because he only goes by one name, I never can remember his last name. But he's been my friend for years in Chicago comedy. So I have moved to Los Angeles with my younger sister and, you know, setting up life here. And Andre was like, oh, I just got a Gio. So you know what year that was. He had just got a Gio. Remember the GEOs came out? And he said, well, let's go, let's drive from Los Angeles to New York and auditioned for Def Jam.

Which everyone get on, we tried to get the other one on or at least be in the vicinity in case somebody fall out or don't make it and maybe do a set. We drove to the peppermint lounge, Orange, New Jersey, got there at, I think 2 o'clock club closing at 1 o'clock, missed the night by one hour. We drove through the snow. We didn't have any money. We popped some popcorn, put it in a bag. That's what we were eating.

We had the plastic jug of water that cost like a dollar. That's what we were drinking. Distilled water at the bottom shelf. And it wasn't even distilled. It was just water. And the thing. And we had enough money for gas, enough money for maybe a hamburger. And one would sleep and one would drive.

So I got there. I called my dad. My dad was alive at that time. My stepmother and my father were alive. And I called him. I said, do we know anybody in New York or on the East Coast or in this area? And he said, well, your cousin, Ernest Lee and his wife, Tina, which is my cousin, Ernest Lee and Tina, right?

And so I found them, stayed in the co-op. And then my cousin, baby doll, Jimmy Smith, he was in radio. But at that time, he was working for a hush management, which was Melbourne Morris, a company. They had Freddie Jackson and Melissa Morgan, all that stuff. So we stayed over. Andre went back and did a gig. I stayed over and I auditioned in the peppermint that night. Bill Bellamy was hosting.

And this was, you know, it's urban, urban. They boo you if they don't like what you were. off the bat. If they don't like we from such and such, such, we don't like that. Boo. So they'll start brewing. Routy Club. I was scared to death. And I had a triple shot of straight gin. Straight gin. No water, no ice. Straight gin. Drink it down, winter bathroom. This girl, beautiful girl. She's from Rockaway. She looked like Hollyberry. She said, what's wrong? I said, I'm scared. She said, scared of what? You're a girl. We're going to laugh for everything you say.

We got your back, girl. And so then they told me to do seven minutes. I got. up and did, I think it had to be 30, 45 minutes of political material, very political, Afrocentric material and very hardcore sexual material. And that was back when Apache was doing, I need a gangster bitch. Remember that song? That big motherfucker ran up to me, pick me up out the end go, that's how you do a motherfucking set right there. And I got, remember the dude, I think his name was Derek Fox, I think.

And he was doing a Sheney type character before Shannay, before Wanda, before Wanda. He was in the audience of the Apollo with an acrylic bob wig, but he had a full bearded mustache. I think I do remember him. Yes. And he was there and he got me on Showtime at the Apollo. No, Apollo Comedy Hour. Okay. And I taped that, that aired, I think either before or after Def Jam, but and then the next day they called my cousin's house.

And I talked to Bob Sumner and them and they said, can you do Death Comedy Jam? And I said, well, I have a friend with me. and can we get a room where there's two beds in it and how do we park and I don't have any clothes. So they gave us a little per diem, you know, they gave everybody per diem. And I was trying to find clothes and I didn't know how to shop in New York. Right. Because you admit to Manhattan. So expensive.

How can you do it? That's right. And I don't even think there were choices. Like now you could just roll up into H&M or something and get some chief stuff. That's right. And see, I didn't know. And I didn't know you go to Chinatown. I didn't know.

I had never been to New York like that, you know. And so I What I was what you see me wearing those black stretch pants and that That little be baby orange shirt that I put a safety pin in it So it'd show my waist and my butt That's what I drove to New York Inn And that's what I did the audition set at the Peppermint Inn And taped at Comedy Jam Inn and I remember getting blowback

Oh you ain't from Chicago because I asked Martin They asked you what is your first joke What is your last joke? And then you got to hold up what you're wearing I said my first joke is two drinks might get your dick suck. Last joke. Bitches need to suck my dick.

I had up a little bitty baby shirt and went and this is what I'm wearing. All you can hear is, that's the bitch from the pepper mat. That's the bitch from pepper. Oh, this is about to be wild. I was scared. I had two little bottles of alcohol in my purse. I asked Andre to go give me a Coke at front of, you know, a little plain bottles of alcohol, put them up in the drink,

drank it, got out there. boom boom boom boom boom boom everybody was like who is this girl even Martin Lawrence say come back out here Charlott underwood if you look at the tape

he goes she's funny she blue she dirty but she's funny and that was kind of the blessing you know and then to go on and do first amendment

with him you know producing the Doug Williams thing me hosting I mean somebody's always open the door

for me when somebody else thought they had closed the door right right and what's interesting is you can never discount people

seeing your talent and paving away. But at the same time, you're paving your own way because at any point along this row, you could have said, fuck it, I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. Or there are people out there agitating against me. Like, you know, maybe

it's not going to happen for me. When you know, you can always have the idea that there might be somebody out there sitting on your sunshine. But when you know it, that can be very devastating. Oh, yeah. And let me tell you, The time, most of my career, it's been a man that said, gay or straight, black or white, it's always been a man.

And I remember when I was going through a lot of anger and pain, because, you know, white club owners at that time could say anything to you. So I was angry. You know, I was militantly angry. And I remember seeing, we were taping full frontal comedy. I think Dom Rero was the host of. Oh, Tom, I love him. And it was white.

When they called me to do it, they said, this is white deaf comedy jam. And they were doing it in the laugh factory. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I could do that. And I picked my jokes out. And before we went on, somebody said, Buddy Hackett is in the Laugh Factory. Oh. I was like, Buddy Hackett.

I love Buddy Hackett. Man, man, world. And I love his commercials. I love Buddy Hackett, you know. Because, you know, I'm a hood. Yeah. No, but I'm all the way white. You have to have

And you have diversity Yeah So I ran up to him And just hugged him And just like And starts like squeezing his neck And I was like Buddy Hacker

I love you And I was talking about And I heard in Las Vegas They don't even let you go on someplace Because you're so dirty And he was like Who the fuck said

I go anywhere I want to go And then he He kind of pushed me back And said He said can I tell you something What? I said all that love you showing me You want to succeed

sure to your audience every time you get on stage. And the love will come back to you and that's going to make you successful. Now, I believe that was God because I don't think he knew some of the things that I was going through and how it was coming out of my set. You know, because I used to do this stupid joke

because I was so angry. What go good with chili? What do you think? What would be the first thing you say? I would go cheese. What's the next thing? Sour cream. Mm-mm.

What's that? Shit. Hot tauts. Crackers. Oh, no. Now that you even brought white people up, let's talk about them motherfuckers. Oh, my God. But black people love that joke. And then I was doing this joke about white people steal. Any race of people take land from the in is a shut up, take two or three dollars out your purse. I was doing shit like that. Yeah. And white people are the only race of people that can laugh at themselves. And, you know, black people are like, that's what I'm talking about. Slussle.

You know, five percent of, you know. But what it did for me was it showed that, You can say those political things. Just don't hurt them. Right. That if it's clear, it's coming from a pace of affection. Yes. And we're all in this together.

Yes, yes. And once I got to the point where I was doing a lot more clubs and mainstream clubs, I remember, what was it, Bud? Freedman. With the improps. Yeah, Bud Friedman.

Told me to my face at the funniest woman in Chicago, a funniest comic in Chicago competition and improv on North Wales. Remember they put one on North Wales? I do. He told me you'll never work at improv. Never. Jesus. Never. I said, so you say. And I walked out. Nice. And I had placed, but I wasn't going to win, but I had placed. And I was like, so you say. But I had that attitude. And that attitude works for you and sometimes it works against you because you walk in with your fistballed up. Right. You know. And so what I had to learn was how to massage that and polish that. And then I was

working comedy clubs and I was doing this militant, very racial militant material. I remember white girls would get up. There was a white girl named, is it Paula Bell? Paula Bell. And she got a... She was a real black friendly comedian though. Her thing was to work Black Room.

That's right. She worked the Comedy Act Theater right out here in L.A. And I remember sitting in there and she got on stage and one day said, niggas ain't shit. Oh my God. And I had been drinking. And the liquor said, did you hear that? And the chicken went and said, yeah, we heard that.

And I asked, could I go on behind her? And I said, I understand what the fuck you talking about. But just because the niggas, you fuck ain't shit. Don't mean niggas ain't shit. And I'm not just mad at you, bitch. I'm mad at this audience for laughing and co-signing on that bullshit. So what you're saying is my father ain't shit. my uncles ain't shit my brothers ain't shit

Martin ain't shit Malcolm ain't shit The minister You can't say Niggas ain't shit in front of niggas And these motherfuckers take that shit And got a steady ovation The stat of ovation

I said bitch you need to shape that a little bit better Especially when you're in here Right you know And I said the audience You ain't got to take everything Everything ain't no motherfucking joke So what I was trying to learn Was how do you say things

where you don't hurt somebody, but you got to do what you got to do on stage. And one time a waitress in a white club said to me, you know, I think you're very funny, but do you hate white people? And that hurt me. And I said, no.

And that's when I started to talk about my relationships with white men and the pain that I felt of not being appreciated by black men. And then I wanted to talk about the pain that I see when, you know, it's like you get, the brother gets the white girl that ain't, she ain't, but I got to be a nuclear physicist with a minor microbiology and a size zero with the tightest head game in the world and really don't talk to you. You know, but she can be anything. And those types of jokes when I went on BET and start telling those type of jokes. But I did get in trouble with one joke

Who are glad considered me a homophobic And the joke was You cannot compare the civil rights movement For blacks with homosexuality Because, and I was running down these Thrown on a slave ship Sold in the bond of shackle next to a homosexual From another tribe

And the punch line was Dick is like secret deodorant It's strong enough for a man But it's made for a woman That destroyed, I didn't say Dick I said another word that was TV friendly, but it destroyed comic view audience. They was like, that's what I'm talking about. But really, I felt that that was a black empowerment joke, not a homophobic joke.

And when Glad put me on their website, and the only reason I knew that I was on their website, I was taking these general meetings that we take where you go to introduce yourself to possibly be hired for TV work and get your HBO special on and stuff. a man of color. I don't know if he was gay or straight, but he was gorgeous. He said, can you come to my office before you leave this meeting? And they wanted to make me and Don Curry husband and wife. Okay. Because they liked the cadence of the way Don and I talked.

And he said, I just want you to know, you're probably not going to get this or any other job that a gay person is making a decision. I said, I said, why you say that? And at that time, my manager was gay. His name was Bart Gallagher. It's a wonderful, wonderful man, curly, beautiful hair. He looked like a debarge. But he was more woman than me and you, but a really genius guy.

And they said, because you're on Glad's website as a homophobe. And then I was trying to figure out why I never got a chance to be up for the HBO specials, but I was already out there, fire, fire. And then I was like, wow, maybe I need to find a way to articulate my feelings in a different way so that they're not hurting people. And so I asked Bart, I said, can we go talk to Glad so they can get to know me? And then I find a way to make amends because that's the way I was raised. You know, you make amends. If you mess up, you own up to it and you make amends and you never do it again.

And Bart Gallagher was like, no, they are very militant. years later, I understand why you're militant because you've got to fight to protect yourself. So when I'm going through all these things, white people, going through all these things, you know, I've said some things about, you know, Latin people in the general space of comedy that I had to learn how to massage that

so that it didn't hurt people because these were the men that I would have a relationship with that I would say this stuff to and they would go, ha, very funny. You should say that I'll stay. Now, I say it on stage, But he's not there to go, I told her, it's okay to say that on behalf of the race. Right. So that's what I kind of learned.

I kind of learned that you could say anything you want as long as you're not hurting someone and you've got to massage it. So that's what I've spent years of massaging and polishing material. That's why people say, well, do you write a joke every day? No, I don't. I polish the jokes every day. but if God blesses me with another point of view that I need to go in a different direction, I find a way to do it. A Bay Area Black Comedy Competition.

I think I'm the only female that I know of in the history of that competition that placed in the finals three years in a row. And Tony Spires, the founder of it, told me I would never win the Bay Area Black Comedy Competition. I said, then why the fuck do you keep having me come? Right. You sell tickets. Jesus Christ. But that's when I learned commerce. And that Republican side of me and commerce.

So everything that was happening, I was like, well, I'm going to have to fight my way in. When I did Def Comedy Jam and members of Phi Beta Sigma, my fraternity brothers were the only organization that was booking me for their conference because I said, shout out to the Blue and White family. The set was so dirty. I couldn't say. And I'm a member of Zeta Phi Beta. Because we have this thing called Fire and a Womanhood. It's a way a woman carries herself. So I said, well, how do I shout out my organization?

So I shouted out and I threw up the sign and everybody was like, that's what I'm talking about. You know, so they were the only ones giving me work so I could survive and pay my bills. Then I got to a point where Comic View wouldn't have me either. And I said, I will wait. And then I got to a point where I was fairly popular enough. I lost the host's job twice. Tell me about that.

I lost, when Samora became the host, I lost to Samora. And I remember, I think either Quake hugged me, Earthquake, hugged me and said, don't buckle in front of all these people. And the next time I lost it, I lost to Montana Taylor. I don't even know who that is. Okay. And I think she's comic out of Houston. Okay. And I don't think she's doing comedy anymore.

She does this joke about wearing the outfit and keeping the tag on so she could take it back. Okay. But these are great comics. I'm not going to shit on no woman. Right, right. What I learned later, I would say about good, five, six, maybe seven years ago. I'm having drinks with Tony Spires, who's Montana Taylor's manager. And he says, you know you didn't lose Comic View.

I said, what are you talking about? He said, you know, when you got into the finals, Montana. called me, said she needed help, she needed management. And he may not even recollect this conversation. He told me that he convinced the people that were making the decision that you don't want to work with Cheryl Underwood. It's going to be difficult to work with Cheryl Underwood. Here's where you want to go.

Now, when he told me that, by the time he had told me that, I have been hearing consistently that I was considered difficult. only because I read contracts and I hold you to them. And I put things in contracts because the club will go, well, if you're late, we're going to dock you. Or if you go over your time, I'm going to dock you. I put things in contracts like, and if you ask me to do more time, I'm going to expect more money. And if you are late and your ice machine are working, your tickets are not sold right, I need more money. And I hold you to it.

The same thing, the expectation. But I also learned that could come off as abrasion Being a bitch from a woman You know and I have this oh really Really and the clubs are Really accustomed to rolling over comedians Oh absolutely Absolutely you got a standing room only

But you was one person off of the sellout and the bonus Oh yeah oh yeah But they're standing up Yeah exactly there's no They had to go get chairs out of the back room Yeah People can't people should have to tell us last But somehow you still didn't make your sellout bonus

Let me tell you something When I added male anxiety dancers, we call it sexual interpretive dance to my show. We were testing it in a comedy Comedy House Theater, I think in Savannah either Savannah or Augusta, Georgia, Aubrey Pippin, tested it. We were doing

Tuesday through Sunday shows at that time. Didn't know I was getting a $28 ticket price at that time, which was unheard of Tuesday through Sunday. So he's making a grip off of that and making a grip off the bar, the food, to drink, everything. So these guys

get up and I found these guys at another taping of a show where they use male ex-eyed dancers and I was hosting it I said you guys want to come on the roll with me and who is the comic she's kind of a robust woman and I thought was is it animate no oh I know know you're talking about yeah I know exactly and I think she had male dancers too with her show so I bring these black guys on they from the right track if you ever come to LA go to the right track and I bring these black guys on and And the Tuesday show, after the Tuesday show, all the shows sold out.

And I remember I was with Nick Nusufaro, who's over at, is it UTA now? That sounds right. He's with Irvin Arthur. And I think they were only, they were paying me four figures for me and to test these guys. When the shows sell out, they came back to me, how much does it cost to keep the guys over? So all they wanted to pay was for the extra hotels and the extra whatever to keep the guys, because shows on it. I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're going to pay me for the brainpower and the expertise that came up with the concept. Double my money. So what I was learning was business and commerce. And the other thing I was learning to, in doing tapings, I would go to the girl comics and go. Because from the mistakes I've made, do your feet hurt in those shoes. Yeah, your comedy ain't going to be good. Wear something you're very comfortable in. So you're not pulling on your outfit, shifting on your way of your shoes.

choose, go flat-footed if that is more comfortable because that's what I like to do. I would ask them, what is your first joke? What is your last joke? What is the joke that you pivot out of when jokes are not working? So I was trying to do for female comics what was not done for me. And I wanted female comics to make it. And I remember when they never had everybody money and I was like, motherfucker that. You might have my money because I'm the headline, but you don't have their money? Right. Or we know I'm a raping this bitch. You give it up. You're going to give me something.

So really, I would say this. The dream for me was the commerce of it, the opening doors of it, and the proudest moment for us. I was never anti-BET because they were making the best decisions that they could make. But when it was time for the comedians organizing committee, that discussion really came out of a comedy-central discussion, where the white comics were talking. about Comedy Central at that time. So somebody black got up and after, it was before it became SAG after, and said, well, what y'all going to do about BET? And they said, well, we don't really understand what's going on over there. That might be something for the black comedians to get together and work on. And because it was me and Joey Wells, it was like different comments,

Leanne, what's her name? It's Leanne something. I can't remember her name, but she was a Sigma Amarrow and there was another female comic who was, I think, an A.K.A. And then I was a Zeta and Joey Wells was a Sigma. And Buddy Lewis was the co-chair and he's an Omega. So we organized it. We put in Robert's Rules of Order. We took minutes for the meetings and we strategically planned how, because they said they'd never unionized BET, definitely not Comic View. And instead of me trying to bring down and hurt BET, I just felt that we articulate what is fair. And they wanted, I remember somebody white wanted us to pick it, BET. And I said no.

No. I said we'd be crucified in the black community. Well, that person, and I don't know who that is, but I, I think that had less to do with race and more to do with the fact that they didn't understand, like when you put such a public face on what you're trying to do. You're actively closing doors. That's right. And I know it was really hard.

For people don't know, a dispute around BET. BET had this show called Comic View. They were hiring black comedians. They weren't paying them union wages. I think it was $50. And then they would run their sets over and over. So the network was making many, many tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars on the backs of these comedians.

And they weren't getting paid for the set. And they weren't getting residuals. And these were all working. working comedians who needed to make a living on this stuff. So their comedy, their art, their work was being exploited. Yes. And there's an irony buried in here that, who was the person who eventually came out and was really public about it.

Tell me what they do. Stand-up comedian. I have a terrible memory. He's a little dreads and he took over the radio show in, in New York. Yeah, D.L. Hugley came out. And he had previously hosted at one point. To say, you know, this is a black network, exploiting the work of black artists unapologetically. And if we can't rely on ourselves to treat ourselves fairly, how can we expect other networks to treat us fairly?

That's right. And see, my position was we can't destroy the one outlet. That's right. For commerce for us. It's new. We just, yes, that's right. And so what I was trying to do was make sure I talk to people that I knew at BT and said, we're not against you, we just want you to be fair. And we want you to stop being accused of being unfair. Right. Because this ain't cool for anybody. It's not helping any of us. Right.

And so once we did that, all comics was like, how did you do it? We did it through education. We did it through organization. We did it through knowing our history. And we also did it for understanding the goal was not to destroy anyone. And that had been flowing through me in every aspect of my life. Don't destroy anybody. Try to be a respite, humorous.

My father even would tell me, your job is to be funny. Now, if you teach me something, I'm cool with that. But your job is to be funny. So that's what I was trying to do. And then when I found out, I was my own worst enemy because I was perceived as either difficult to work with, don't know how to get off the stage. I didn't know if you write 20 minutes of material.

But there's at least 15 minutes of ad living and laughter and pausing in there and drinking out, you drink and everything. So I didn't know that. So what I did was I tried to fix it by going backwards and being better as a person. Better as a comic. Walk in the club, hello, how are you? Everybody that walks in the club with me as a worker or a performer, everybody got petty cash. Tip them.

Don't bring in 30 people as guests. We don't have a lot of guests set. If I go over the time, I profusely apologize. And I go down the line, shake everybody's hand, take as many people. as I can with everybody to go. It's not the club fault. This was my fault. I was having too much fun on stage. And because I had always formed my own companies, because nobody would represent me. They didn't know, like you said, they didn't know what to do with the black female Republican, who was God-fearing, but would talk about head for 45 minutes. They didn't know what to do.

And my dad was like, are you good at this type of comedy? And I was like, yes. He said, how good? because if you just standing on the corner on the liquor store, cutting the fool, I walk past you because you ain't my daughter. And I said, I think I'm one of the best at this type of comedy. And he lived long enough to see it. And he, one time, you know when we talked about, did I ever tell you this story about, remember, and before the war on terrorism was a war on drugs.

And we were flying on these, we were flying on these buddy passes one way in and figure out your way back out, which meant you was possibly. possibly mulein drugs. Right. Okay. So I was so afraid of getting popped and they could seize the money and not give it back to you.

So at that time, we were getting paid cash small bills because the comedy clubs would do that. Oh, yeah. I remember, I remember like I get an envelope of cash from a club owner and he'd be like, you know, do me a favor. Don't declare this. I was like, mother, I have to pay my managers and agents. That's right. I can't. Like a mob thing.

Like Don going on. We hope you have a very prosperous job. They leave a bag of $5 bill. Come on, man. With dust and blood. Sweaty. Yes. So I was going through Chicago and I was afraid of getting pulled off the plane because I needed this money.

I need to pay my bills and I always pay taxes and everything until I got in one tax trouble. I'll tell you about that too. But I went through Chicago and I said, Daddy, I need a favor. Can you take this money? And I explained why. And he said, okay, he thought I was going to give him a little bit of money. Right. So we get in the bank.

You know, my father knows everybody in the bank. He's friendly everything. He said, my daughter needed to deposit this money. So he said, give it a money. I pulled his, oh, it had to be about $15,000 worth of money. Right. And the small bills big, you know. My dad looked at me, and he kind of cleared his thought.

And then we got in the car, and he said, did you make that money legitimately? I said, yes, I did. He said, how long it take you? I said, about 30, 45 minutes. He said, you make that in 30, 45 minutes. When my father died under the lace runner in his bedroom was a deposit slip. They said that he would pull it out and gaze at it with pride. he was very, very proud and very proud that I remained in Underwood doing it because I told him,

whatever fame I will achieve, it is a testament to you who raised me. My family needs to be known. And even when I got a little tax trouble, you know, it wasn't bad. I was just, I just owed a lot. So, you know, because you get all this money and the first thing you think, let me pay my bills to survive. But I learned you pay the taxes. You take. out for yourself. And now, you know, I would start a company and then I was, okay, this company is not growing the way I'd like it to grow. And, you know, for me to do my own radio show, like you're doing your own podcast, you know, I have a podcast, I have a app, I have a Sherlock Wood Radio. We started with one radio station. We lost that one radio station. And then today, we have 25 radio stations.

And that is a testament to Rob Wilkins, who is my vice president of affiliate relations and HBCU initiatives. is he came from Tom Joyner. He used to work for Tom Joyner. And I tell everybody, work for me part-time, work for somebody else with more money than me, full-time, so you can stack that paper. But I also wanted to be a place where, you know, I got David Ray Bonn, who's an actor out there, he was on the shield. You know, he was on a, my name is Earl. He was an actor who was a comic who is a former Houston Police Department member. He used to be on the road with D.L. Hughley.

When that goes away, what does the comic do? So I feel like I'm like the Dallas Cowboys. I'm the safe haven for people that need a place to go. So I was like, come on, work for me. You know, I would see comics and I would go, you're good. Now, people say, well, why you don't have more girl comics working with you? It's very hard for another female comic to help and assist another female comic. Because there's still some female things that they might take certain things better from a man.

You know, I think it's also the fact that culturally, culture, our culture pits us against each other. Yes. You know, and we're trying to stop it. That's why you and I together, and I tell the story about how we was backstage and you're like, you know, put in a good way. I said, I don't remember my mouth. And I touched you. Yes. And I bowed my head.

And I was like, I hope she don't see that I'm praying. And I said, Lord, if you see us together, show us favor. Because in my heart, I knew I was better. with you. It wasn't me up against me at the table battling for position. It was, it was, I wanted us to be like, you know, it was shields and yarnail or like, you know, Captain Encinnell, you know, Marilyn McCu and Billy Davis Jr. You know, a pieces of herb. I wanted us to be this great team that even when we disagreed that we were together. And I really wanted people to see how great of a mind and a brain you had.

And I'm so mad at you that you don't show the dynamic legs. I know of nobody in daytime talk and in comedy. You got the legs that you got. You could play Leslie Uggams. And I know this is your little podcast, but I'm going to say it. Oh, no. It has been an honor to get to know you because of all the things that you're doing and the things that you were willing to share with us that you were going through.

Yeah, I feel the same way about you, Cheryl. And you know what's great, too? When I saw Drew Carey, I was like, God, I've been in love with Drew Carey since he was fat. Yeah. I wanted to hit that really bad. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to sleep with Drew Carey. I want to sleep.

Mitch Hadbert. Oh, yeah. Everybody loves Mitch Heapirk. Everybody loved him. We used to send messages back and forward. I didn't know that these white male comics knew who I was. Yeah, everybody knew who you were. Yeah, I had no idea.

You know, I, oh, dream. George Lopez and me in the sitcom. Yeah. That's, that's the dream. Yeah. That's a dream. It's something that's diverse, but mainstream. You know, he could be recurring.

But I'm getting almost everything I want. Do I want to be Kevin Hart? Absolutely not, because Kevin Hart needs to be Kevin Hart. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I think that what you've done is, and I said this already, but I'm going to say it again.

There is nobody like you. I think sometimes when you're coming up through comedy, people keep telling you you need to be more like this. You need to be more like that. But the only way to win is to be truly and fully yourself. Yeah, I can't do it. That's why I have a hard time memorizing lines and scripts because I feel that's not my, am I stealing? Am I, I'm trying to get my brain processed ready to do that sort of thing because I want to do movies. I mean, the only way I got a movie, AJ Johnson got me in.

I got to hook up. Warren Beatty put me in Bullworth even though he was trying to talk me out of being a Republican Oh, he was so intellectually powerful Which is attracted to me But you know, and Ben ain't no joke She ain't no joke at all She ain't no joke at all. She ain't no joke at right, bitch, what is you doing?

You know, so every movie I've ever been in I think Vivica Fox hooked me up with It was either, not two can play that game I can't remember what it is But it was the movie where they were dating this guy, and they went to the comedy club. Oh, I don't remember. I got to find that out.

But everybody that had me be in a movie, it was something that somebody else said, go get Cheryl Underwood. It's always been a go-get, even the talk. Somebody in the big office, they said, to see if Sherl Underwood would come in. And I ignored it because I thought it was comics playing on my phone. And Steve Harvey was the only one that said, bitch, it might be CBS. you might want to call them back. Did you, tell me about that before we wrap up.

You got a call about them being interested in you coming in and you didn't. For a meeting and I would ignore it. And I was like, hey, I didn't know if I just calling for me. Because I got tired of going to these general meetings and nothing was happening. Right. And there were days when I was in a beauty shop.

There was a day where I had been pitching, pitching, pitching, and everything that I was pitching, they said, we just gave it to this person, this person. And while I was happy for these female comics that were getting it, I was so proud of Monique, so proud of Adele and Samor and Laura Hayes and all these other women. Sherry Shepherd, so proud. But I was in pain. And I was Catfish Reader and Bouch.

I went into Sherry Shepherd's dressing room. And she said, sure what's wrong. And I just burst into tears. And I just collapsed. And she got on the floor and she prayed. And she said, Lord, take this pain out of the shoes. Cheryl, and that moment, it was gone. It was completely gone.

So then I thought to myself, stopped thinking about what you don't have and what's stopping you. You're still alive. It's not a no, it's a not right now. So by the time I started getting these calls CBS, I'm not saying that I didn't think God was going to answer me. I this thing was going to answer me in that way.

So I thought people playing on my phone, I was ignoring the call. I was like, I ain't really CBS. I'm not taking the call. And why would they want me to come in? And so when I finally took the call because Steve said you'd call them back, I called them back, and they had me come up here with Nina Tassler. I said, Nina Tassel. I look like Judge Judy with nicer clothes.

Nina Tasselsohn was the head of CBS. And then it was somebody named, I think it was Peter Gold. Peter Gold. Yeah, Peter Golden. Peter Golden. That's who I heard really said, let's see if we get Charlotton. So they start asking me questions. Like, and I never thought I was going to get a job.

They were asking me questions. like, so who we voted for? I said, can you, you ask me that shit like this? Is that legal? You know, I know the law. Yeah. And they said, no, no, we're just talking.

We just talking. I said, Obama. This was, he was Senator Obama. Yeah. I said, Obama. And they was like, I thought you were a Republican. I am. That's why I got a right to vote for Obama.

I got to go where you want me to go. I said, who is you? And then we started talking. And then it was like, would you talk like, would you talk like this on the talk? I said, the show with the baby mamas? I said, no, I can't have a baby. I have my transmission drop. I'm done.

I'm out of the game. And nothing in here but lost car keys, wish rises, and dust. And they was laughing so hard. And then Billy Bauer brought me down. They asked me, did I want to meet Julie Chin and Sarah Gilbert? I said, the girl from Big Brother and Little Girl Rose. Oh, yeah.

I just thought I was going to meet people. Yeah. I didn't think I was going to have a job. Right. And I talked to them, and I remember saying crazy stuff to them. to them but also remember I said well maybe because what I practice on is ending a meeting. How do you end? You get in there, but how do you end it? So I said, well, maybe it's time for me to go because y'all probably got other people your interview and I turned back to them and I said,

whoever you pick, even if it's not me, can you pick somebody that keeps this going? These people are trying to pay their bills. They're trying to pay their mortgages and put their kids through school. So if it's not me, somebody keeps this going. Yeah. And that's right. And then me and Mrs. went to lunch at the polo lounge when we could go in there, and she threw up on me. And because she wasn't feeling with it. That was an anointment. Oh, my gosh. That was an anointment.

And I was so scared for her. I didn't know her. And I said, bitch, this didn't happen. I didn't meet you. You wasn't here. Did nobody see this? That's right. Nothing happened.

Get in your car. Don't you talk about this. I'm not going to talk about it. And all the black dudes that was security, I said, did nigger this didn't have. And she was at the barbecue at Julie House and telling this story and everybody's in tears. And one, he wasn't, he's not a producer here now, but he came up to me and he said, tell me the truth. Sharon Osborne, throw up on you to pull the lines. I said, who is Sharon Osbourne?

I can never met that bitch in my life. Is she here? That's Ozzy wife. I would love to meet her. Because I was not going to tell it. Right. We have to, so we have to go to our production meeting this morning for the talk. I think we need a part three, four.

We got sex and a female comic. So, so we're not going to do self-inflicted wounds because I feel like, I feel like there were so many in there about you learning and growing. But you edit them out and edit them all together as a, yeah, because I think my whole two, part one or part two was self-inflicted. But self-inflicted wounds do heal. They do. They do.

And you learn from them. You absolutely do. And I would hope that people wouldn't hold against me things that I've said in my comedy journey or even in my life journey because we all evolve into better people. It's not for me to change you. It's to help your evolution. And I'm really honored to be here with you. And Julie Chin is the most wonderful woman in the world. And Sarah Gilbert is the sweetest soul.

And Mrs. O is just internationally fabulous, but the most down-the-earth person. I don't know if anybody else got it is got it like we got it. And I feel like, you know, we all came here with our experiences in our background, but interacting with everybody with each other, with the other four women every day, has helped me grow immensely. Me too, me too. And it's taught me how to, I don't have to say everything. And I don't want to be misunderstood, you know, and I don't want to hurt anybody.

and I did watch the talk and I was so protective over Sarah because you know Sarah I knew Mrs. O could hold her on because she don't take no smack You know, that's Ozzy Woll She didn't this Julie yet isn't

Julie though But Julie's in a tough situation too She's the first lady at the network Yeah But she's also a consummate newswoman With a great sense of humor But they have feelings And I think that's why we're so protective

And I am protective over you When I got in trouble with the hair thing All of y'all had my back and that little bra was happy about it. Remember that braw they were trying to clap at you? And then I had to clap back on and going, hey, bitch, bring that bullshit on a lot if you want to. I didn't know.

You get dealt with. But I was just being facetious. But I think you said, what you said in that moment was, and we keep saying it all the time, which is you mess with one of us. You mess with all of us. That's right. That is exactly right.

And we're the type of women that pull each other side and go, okay, maybe that ain't on work. Or like when I had your bank, I definitely that day did not want you to know what was on my car. I had no idea what you were going to do. I had no idea what you were going to say. Because people just don't understand. We are the only race of people that got to live the duality.

Yeah. If you're not black enough, but you're too black. That's right. Yeah. That's right. And it just pains me. But I also know that there's some people out there that in social media, they live for this. They live for the stumble.

who live for the stumble and then help me teach you. And then let me say to you, my bad, I blew it. I blew it. I'm learning. I'm growing. Like nobody understands why I wanted to shout out Steve Harvey, which I spoke to Steve Harvey about my shout out. Oh, did you? For him, before I did it.

On the people's choice? Right. I thought Sarah was the only person that was going to speak. Yeah. And then I was going to do mine in the publicity room and say, oh, I'm glad I didn't pull a Steve Harvey. So before I even said it, I said it to PR. They said, it was cool. Say it in the press room.

And then I text Steve and I said, Steve, if I say this, will this hurt you? He said, no. I said, cool. When the dude did what he did. For people who haven't seen the People Choice Award, a dude tried to Kanye us in the middle of our acceptance speech for us. And see, I say Kanye, my feeling is Kanye, oh, Steve is the new flame. But also, I won't know nobody mess this up. We just got it.

Exactly. And I wasn't on curse. I didn't want to embarrass the network. And I didn't want to like get us in a situation. Now we don't stole on this dude. Now everybody's suing us and CBS. You know, I'm thinking lawsuits and everything. But I'm like, no, no, not today. But also, I think we are very protective of the brand. And we are a guest in people's minds. So we didn't want to implant that uncoolness in people's mind. But you are a blessing. You are a joy. Whatever is happening in the future. In the future, of your life, I know it's going to be so good. And I'm just proud to know you are a good sister. I mean, you're a good sister, but you hang with the dudes on a little video game, a tomboy and a baby nerd, but you're the sexist nerd. Now, do you ever drink too much liquor? You get it. Because I slept with girls, but I'm not good at it.

But you can get it. We are going off to make the talk now. You got to get it. Oh, you are crazy. Bye. All right, that was Cheryl Underwood. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Don't forget to visit my Kickstarter page for my film Access.

It's at kickstarter.com slash access film. That's Kickstarter.com slash A-X-I-S-F-I-L-M. It goes live Wednesday, April 6th, and I would really love for you to be a part of this experience with me. It's going to be so fucking cool. Remember, you can upgrade at any time to premium action. access to get your grubby little hands on the entire back catalog of Girl on Guy episodes, all 250 episodes. Just go to Girl on Guy.com and click on upgraded premium access. Follow me online on the Twitters and the Facebooks and the Tumblr's. My handle is Aisha Tyler and the show's

handle is Girl on Guy. And my burgeoning company, my burgeoning spirits company, the handles are Curgeon Stone at Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram. Curgeon Stone is hot in development. We just threw our first activation event last week at the Delta, South by Southwest, shuttle event at LAX, and you can see photos of that by going to Facebook.com slash courage and a stone, all one word. But more news about courage and stone as we emerge from our little chrysalis, it is happening, my friends, long and emotional last.

And I'll keep me posted on live events this summer. Hopefully we'll be doing something at Comic-Con. that is my hope and aspiration, and also potentially something entails at the cocktail if people are traveling down to New Orleans for that booze-soaked, booze fiesta slash booze fest. All right, you guys are the greatest. You are my army.

You are lovely. You are unflappable. You are visionary and you are Legion. And I cannot wait to talk to you on the next one. Late. Girl on Guy is a production of Hot Machine, blowing shit up since 2009.