Girls Gone Bible - Broken Families & Boundaries | Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

hi our sweet friends. we missed you so much last week. thanks for being so kind and supportive in giving us a week off during the holidays. ♡ today we bring you an intense episode! we discuss what to do if you have childhood trauma, come from a broken family, have toxic parents, or struggle with boundaries with loved ones. we then discuss at length the importance of the family unit-- how the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy the biblical design of family that God intended for us. we cover how to overcome the enemy's attacks on your family and how to pursue PEACE in even the most toxic familial relationships. we encourage you in realizing your true authority through Jesus and that you have the ability to end generational curses. any toxicity can and will end with you. also, we both describe our childhoods and family dynamics growing up & now :) we hope this video blesses you and reminds you that you're not alone-- family dysfunction is universal and it does not define you. we pray that the Lord Jesus speaks to you today and that you have ears to hear. we love you so much. Jesus loves you more. -Ang & Ari if you’d like to support Girls Gone Bible 🙏🏻🕊️🤍 Paypal- https://www.paypal.me/girlsgonebibleinfo Venmo- https://www.venmo.com/u/girlsgonebible

What it is yo? What's up? Can I just cuddle up? No, that's not the words. Can we cuddle up? Do a Christian version of that. What it is yo? What's up?

Can a Christian just level up? Can we get a giddy giddy up? Holy Spirit in the cup. Holy Spirit, yo. What's up? What's up? Can we really get a holy heart? What?

Just regular, it's all roll along. Oh, shit. Go. Okay, how do we dance now as Christians? Oh, as modest Christians, we go. Okay, here, can I put on a song and you do it? No. Please, real quick.

What kind of song? It has to be the clean version. We're not going to put on a hip-hop song. Okay. No, but let's just show them in silence how we dance for the Christians. Oh, I like that. Okay. Okay, I'll do it. You do it.

Okay. And then I pick it up, and then I'll do a move, and you pick it up. Okay, okay. One. On three or after three? After three. Wait, I have two colors in my head. Okay, choose.

Let me look at you for a minute. Okay. Sorry. Ready? Okay. And one. Okay. okay sorry ready okay and one purple are you thinking purple or blue blue it was blue wow how could you okay okay now you do one i never want to see you go again hold on uh what think of a color? Yeah. Okay. One, two.

Oh, wait, I didn't even think. Okay. One, two, three. Pink. All right. Hey, guys. GGB. I am Ari.

I'm Angela. We are a faith-based Christian podcast that talks everything like... Like about Jesus, about the Bible, about mental health problems, about spiritual. We talk about all things spirituality. Non-judgmental. You can feel safe with us two girls. You can absolutely feel safe with us because... Us two kooky birds.

If there's anything that's ever stopped you from coming to faith or coming to Jesus or to Christianity, stopped you from coming to faith or coming to Jesus or to Christianity, we truly promise you that if there's anything in your life that you feel inhibits you or stops you or because you've done something wrong, I promise we've done worse. So you're welcome here. You're safe here. We hope you stay. Well, we didn't kill anyone. No. So if you kill somebody, that's a little worse. But anything other than that, we've probably done. Now that we think about it, there might be a couple of things that are worse. No, you guys can feel totally safe with us and thanks

for joining us today. I truly feel like a million bucks. How do you feel? Angela feels like a million bucks because her favorite thing to do as well as mine. What? No. Our favorite thing to do is take road trips together so today after this me and ari are like we hate vegas but we love driving together we just truly it it should take you like five out four or five hours to get to

vegas it takes us nine because we just i don don't know what we do. We stop every two hours so Angela can get her Quest bars and then I need my coffees and then, yeah. We have such a good time that we really have the best time. So we're doing that today, but I honestly feel good because I fasted yesterday. Oh, you feel good. I feel, guys, we have to do a whole episode on fasting, but it is life changing. It is a tool that if you don't use this tool of fasting, you're just truly doing yourself such a disservice. Anything that I was feeling, because obviously with the podcast and like the various things that we do within ministry now, we can easily become spiritually depleted and like spiritually fried. Spiritual warfare. That as well.

Definitely. I had it so bad this past couple of days. You guys, you have no idea. What were you experiencing? I was experiencing a lot of insecurity, not feeling like good, just being in my head. Yeah. I was feeling a lot of spiritual warfare. So sorry. I really am. I know you were going through a lot. It was honestly, it was the baptism

because God, cause you know, not to get all crazy, but the enemy knew exactly what you were doing. And that was bringing a lot of people home to Jesus. And we also just don't ever want to disappoint you guys. And we are on this journey with you. And I know we aren't. But I just after meeting you guys, I'm like, I just want to make you guys proud and just be there to help you and lift you guys up and really spread the word. And I want to do it in the right way. And the truth is, is there is no right way to do it, because we're all in this together and learning and growing together. So it's the enemy. The enemy will really plant some freaky things in your head if you allow it. You were letting the, I think we've just felt an extra burden in a really good way after the baptism.

We saw a lot of things. We met a lot of people. And so we felt the weight of that responsibility. And I think you were just feeling the pressure of that. And it became all the more real to you, which is actually a really beautiful thing. It is, yeah. But, um, yeah. So the holidays are approaching and today we wanted to talk about, so we haven't really talked too much about, we've never dedicated an episode talking about our upbringing or our

families or, um, like, I don't know if anybody knows that you grew up in a split home like your parents weren't together so you had to go back and forth between the holidays and and the weekends and I I honestly have so many questions for you that I want to I have questions for you really about and I and a lot of the people that ask questions are about your mom being an immigrant really yeah so I didn't look at the questions today. That's so I can't wait to hear about it. Yeah. I mean, I think this time of the year is symbolic for joy. It really is. The holidays are supposed to be very joyful. But, you know, the truth is, is a lot of people are in such deep grief with, you know, whether you lost a parent or

you're going through a divorce or you're just, it's sometimes it's really hard. It brings up a lot of stuff, the holidays. So it really does. I hope by the end of this, I mean, including myself, I mean, I don't know how you feel, but I've had, you know, when we're in our season of singleness too, when you don't have a partner, that can be hard too. So I think, um, I hope by the end of this, you don't have a partner that can be hard too so I think um I hope by the end of this you guys can feel a little bit better whoever is in this place of feeling alone and you know with split families and things like that I'm so I think you're you have so much to share and so many good things and I love what you said that it should be a time of joy it's supposed to represent

joy and a lot of people unfortunately feel so much pressure during the holidays that there is no joy to be found, which is, we just, we hope today that we can help people. Yeah. I'm thinking, I think it'd be beautiful to read a Psalm of Forgiveness because so many, so many people, their biggest issue during the holidays is having to meet with family that they don't get along with or have problems with and how to deal with that. And I just think one of the most beautiful ways to have peace is through forgiveness. So Psalm 32, a Psalm of David. Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them, and whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy on me. My strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore, let all the faithful pray to you. While you may be found, surely the rising of the mighty waters will not teach them. You are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding, but must be controlled by bit and brittle, or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous. Sing all I love that. We're going to get through so much today, and we'll hit the topic of having to forgive loved ones and how to even be around. This is something that you and I can really talk about, especially you going back to a situation like when you go back home, so many of your friends and family are certainly not at the level of faith that you are now, you know, and that can be interesting. Everyone is very supportive of you, it looks like. Yeah. So it's not like it's a bad situation for you, but it is something to navigate. It is. You know, luckily, everyone back home is so, they look at me like, whoa, what happened?

Because I'm so different. But everyone's so happy for me. And you and I talk about we have friends from all different walks of life. And obviously, if we're going to get biblical advice, we're going to go to each other. But it's been a beautiful thing to be able to bring people to Jesus. I actually, I, it's been one of the biggest blessings in my life that I can talk about it with my mom and dad and my friends. And I've actually brought so many of my friends back at home that were in really dark places

to him. And it's, I've gotten to see it with my own eyes. It's so beautiful. Yeah. It's been a, it's been a huge blessing for me. And I know you guys can be that too for your family. Absolutely, absolutely. First, let's get into, can I just hear about you and your story and your upbringing?

And at what point I got the pleasure of meeting both of Ari's parents this last time I went to Boston with her. They are my parents. They are the best people I've ever met. I adore your parents, both of them for different reasons. Her mom, Roberta, is like my homegirl. We text all the time. She is the most effortlessly funny person I've ever met, and that's where you get it.

But your dad's funny too, so you get it from both. My dad's like a kid. But your mom is like, she just says the most out-of-pocket stuff. But she doesn't try to be funny. And everything she says is so funny. I think everyone from Boston's funny. Why? Because we're all nuts.

Trauma. It's got to be. It's like a universal thing in Boston. They're all funny. Yeah. You think trauma's bad. Trauma's what builds you. Trauma's what makes you build character. It really is. It does. I always say there's no way you're this funny without having a little trauma. So tell me, like when were your

parents married and then they got divorced or like what happened? My parents separated when I was 11, which for some people that would be really hard. I know a lot of people struggle when their parents separate. It was truly the greatest day of my life. I couldn't have been more thrilled. My mom and dad are the best of friends. They just, I never even watched them. I can't even remember a moment when I watched them together, actually. Really? That's so interesting.

It was more of a friendship. But I could care less. For me, I was, I don't know. I was, it wasn't, it didn't affect me in any way. That's awesome. Yeah. I think at around 13, I moved in with my dad and he raised me. And so, and then I have my nan who was like my mom.

I just, I don't know. My family was, is so far from perfect I and I say that very openly I I love my dad so much he really has been my best friend my rock he always gave me the best Christmases he's just he's been my best best friend I mean he's truly the best hi guys I'm so sorry to interrupt this episode I know I'm in an unfamiliar space, but I want to talk to you guys about today's sponsor, Modern Fertility. There are certain pieces of healthcare advice we all hear all the time and apply to everyone, like wear sunscreen, drink water, and exercise. But advice about fertility isn't easy to find. Did you know

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Yeah. Even I have experienced throughout my life when I was younger, before I knew Jesus, the holidays were hard for me too. life when I was younger, before I knew Jesus, the holidays were hard for me too. But I had my, there's something about as you get older, you start when you don't have Jesus, you start to lose the magic of life. You start to lose that wonder. And it, so then you have like such high expectations for what the holiday should feel like. It's kind of like your birthday. I'll experience that on my birthday too, that like, I almost get sad on my birthday because it feels like there's so much pressure on this holiday that nothing feels like it's supposed to. So then it brings you down. So I used to get that way a lot when I was younger. I'd be I come from really tough families I have my very best friend had lost both of her parents like four years apart I think it was a yeah four years

apart from each other so all she has is her sister yeah and then my other best friend Courtney had lost her sister um three days before Christmas to suicide. Oh, my gosh. And so it's like even some, you know, and then I look at some people and they have these big families that are so tight. They have the aunts and the uncles, and it's like it's beautiful, right? But then some people just have their mom and their dad, or some people don't have that. They have a sister.

Some people don't even have that. They just have their friends. Some people don't even have that. They just have their friends. Some people don't even have that. And it's really, that's why I think the holidays are so hard. That's why for me, just to even if I have my dad and just my nan, or even if I'm just with my dad, I'm so thankful where I am in my life just to have even them, you know, I think I've grown to just be so grateful for what I do have. I wanted to ask you, because there are so many questions about, like, how to have boundaries, how to set boundaries, I've even had to set boundaries, my mom and I, and I'll get into my parents, but and my family and how I had such a wonderful childhood and my family is I mean we're as tight as it gets truly yeah like my my family

they all live in the same neighborhood in Florida like they are that's how we are and if I was there I'd be living with them yeah you know but my um even my mom and I who we've been best friends since I could speak like as soon as I knew what was going on, she and I were in like true friendship with one another. By the way, I met her mom for the first time during the baptism. And I truly I called her mom. Like, I feel like I told her at the end of the week. I was like, I feel like you truly are a mom to me. She is.

And we call each other every day and we just shoot the crap. I can't even believe you guys talk so me. She is your mom. And we call each other every day, and we just shoot the crap. I can't even believe you guys talk so much. She's my world. Sometimes I'll walk in her house, and you'll be on the phone with my mom, and I'm like, and my mom literally goes, what, are you jealous? I'm like, yes, yes, they're my two most important people are talking without me. I love her. I love her brother.

I just, I love all of them. They're the best. She loves you so much. Sorry. No, I was going to ask you, I want you to tell me about, well, first finish, but tell me about your upbringing and your immigrant and your mom being an immigrant and things like that. So I was just going to say when it came, I guess we can move to boundaries later then.

So my family, I have my two parents and my two older brothers. One brother is four years older than me.. One brother is four years older than me. The other brother is six years older than me. And my family, we are straight out of Albania. I'm 98% Albanian. Like we are, I was, I was born overseas. I was not born in America. My family, there was a war going on in Albania, um, around the time that I was born And my parents had to flee the country. They had to leave. I, my mom was pregnant with me. And so I hadn't been born yet, but they traveled to Germany and they were making their way to the U S and while they were in Germany, that's when I was born. And then my, I just, my fam, my parents went through so much. I want to have my mom on here one day,

um, to talk about it because she has had such incredible supernatural encounters with Jesus and Jesus has carried her. I mean, there was a point where they were, um, on a boat going from Italy to Albania. I was just a baby or no, yes. They were going from Italy somewhere. And I was just a baby. I was like a year old. And my mom literally had a vision where she there was a tornado. There was a tsunami happening. And just a week before their boat went out, another boat had gone out making the same trip and it didn't make it.

The like the it was the conditions were so bad in the water that there was no reason for them to not have to have made it the way that they did and this is like a really traumatic story within my family that I'm kind of just like skipping over but whenever my mom tells it it's really emotional I obviously don't remember but my brothers do and I know that my brothers endured they were only like seven and five at this point, but they endured like trauma from how hard the situation was. Like everybody thought they were going to die. Um, and I was just a baby, but my parents just went through so much and they went through so much to bring us here. My parents came, my mom had like my mom was is very educated her and my dad had great jobs

and they they left Albania even though it was a very comfortable situation for them to and they did well over there but they brought us here to truly give us a better life I think that's incredible I always when I hear stories about coming from another country, it's like, wow. Yeah. It's a lot. Do you know how hard that is? They went through so much. That's insane. Yeah.

They had no, they like sold everything that they had to get themselves over here. They came here with no money. They went to the Bronx, three kids, not a lot of, like no money. Like what were they going to do? You know, it was a really, they did what they had to their warriors, their fighters. Not only did they survive, but they ended up thriving, like truly thriving. They, within a few years, both got incredible jobs in Connecticut. Um, when they first went to the Bronx, they were,

um, my mom, my mom was like a waitress at a pizzeria and my dad like was the delivery driver on the bicycle, like drive it, like using the bike to go to work. It was just like, they, they, they, I just, I am so proud of them. Like, I'm so proud of my parents for truly coming from nothing and just making a life for themselves and then giving all me and both my brothers every opportunity we could possibly need you know what I love too I love like people like your mom who come from another country I feel like they have a different mindset a different worth ethic they're so appreciative they work so hard they're just. Your mom still to this day, she works so hard. Yeah, she does. You know, and it's just beautiful. She does. And you know what? I like, tell me what you think about this. I ask her all the time. I'm like, hey, mom, not only is it the work ethic, because

like Albanians, for example, like they come to America and they like, there's no work in Albania. Like it's really hard to make money. It's really hard to find work. So when they come here to like truly the land of opportunities, they're like, whoa, I could do whatever I want here. And so I always, I've always, I've been so blessed to have had, and I truly believe that that's where a lot of my grateful heart comes from is because I came from parents who had literally nothing, who came here and are so grateful to be here and I have that awareness of how lucky I am to stand on this ground and have the opportunities that I do yeah we have our our passports we became citizens in 2012 10 2010 my parents went through so much my my dad is like the cutest man in the world his English is really bad not really bad but it's not he has

a very bobby he has a really thick accent. And, like, my guy, the citizenship test is very difficult. Him and my mom, I watched them for months, all day long, studying what they needed to for the citizenship test. They know more about America than Americans do because of that test. Wow. You know? because of that test, you know? And so I know when we got those passports, when we got our citizenship,

that was the best day of my family's life in 2010. And I have that awareness and I ask my mom all the time, I'm like, mom, how do you feel about people who live in America and who have never been to another country, how do you feel about them saying that America's the worst country in the world? Oh, I know. And my mom's like, oh, you don't want to get Christina set off with that.

But you know what I mean? It's just you have an appreciation when I have been lucky to live here my whole life, but I am fully aware of how blessed I am to be here. Yeah. You know, to have your family. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, to have your family. Absolutely. Yeah. There are people who had to leave their family to come here who are separated. My sister-in-law, she actually,

half of her family is still in Albania. They've kind of come one by one, but it's really hard for her. Yeah. You know, I mean, even when we go to the shelter and we see those kids and how their families, I actually, I, something touched me, uh, the other day I was at the shelter. And so we have, they have speakers come in this, this, he must've been around 36, 37. Oh, he was, he had Jesus in his eyes. He was such a good guy. And, you know, he made it out to the other side. But he stood up and spoke, and he said, I was just where you guys are. I lived in a shelter with a mom. I had no dad.

And then when we got kicked out of the shelter because there was no room left, we lived in a van. I was 8 to 12 when we lived out of the van. And he said, and let me tell you, I wouldn't take one day back. And he said, and I want you guys to remember these times because when you're out of it and when you come out on the other side, you're going to have an empathy in your heart that no one else, that not a lot of people have, and you're going to be able to help people and you're going to be able to understand people

and understand pain and hardship. And I just loved when he said that, because it's like, I don't know what you guys are going through. You guys could just not have a lot of family or be struggling during the holidays with money or and as well as my family struggled a lot. But you're just going to be a vessel for to help others and to be there for others and so that's why I used to feel like oh I don't have this big grand old family and you know there's some dysfunctional parts of my family but because I went through so much in my life and so much struggle and I I learned the value of a dollar the value of a dollar I'm able to understand people

I'm under I'm able to have empathy for people I'm able to help people that's why you're the most giving person I've ever met in my life thank you but um and the same goes for you but um that's why I'm like don't worry about it don't worry if you don't have a picture perfect family. By the way, anyone who acts like they're perfect isn't. Thank you. Every single family has their thing. Yeah. No one's family is perfect. I actually, I love getting together with my family and seeing how we're not the most perfect because that makes us us.

It's so true. And it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's hilarious. I thank you for saying that because I'm in the same exact boat that sometimes I'm with my family. And my family is so, they're the funniest people I've ever met. I mean, we have a good time. But we are like, we're Albanian. We're from the East Coast.

We're a little hot-headed sometimes. Like, my family, like, you should see me, my mom, my two brothers and my dad, like we are so tight knit. It's insane. Now, growing up, did was there like a little bit of a lack of boundaries because of that? So we were able to we were kind of like we get annoyed, we get mad, we say something and then we don't apologize. We definitely don't apologize. We don't make up. We just go and we eat some fruit together and the beef is over. It is really like, guys, well, that's why we get along so well. And so I just I but honestly, the thing I do love about families who are because there's two again, like you said, every family has problems. You better believe every family and probably the most perfect looking

families maybe have the most do you want to know why because they don't hash it out they don't talk about it there is nothing more damaging to a relationship any sort of relationship than a lack of communication and so I've seen so many families that are very like we're perfect you can't say anything you can't do. And so they have so much resentment. And they like low-key, I've seen like siblings hate each other. You know what I mean? Because there's like, you're not allowed to have a fight and then hash it out. I've been in the middle of the perfect family.

And let me tell you, I wanted to run out of there so fast. I'm like, where's my family that we could just like be ourselves and be real and be raw. You know? So it's like, don't ever feel like you're less than no if you don't have the most perfect family or a perfect dynamic because no one's perfect the definition like truly family in and of itself is like it's a bunch of people who are as close as you can possibly get your blood you literally share the same blood you're so close it's you you get your blood. You literally share the same blood. You're so close. You live your whole lives together. Like, of course there's going to be problems.

Of course there's going to be friction and people not getting along. It's like a bunch of different personalities that are forced to be, you know, like these. I think about it all the time. Like your family members may not be people that you would have chosen as friends. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But you still have to make it would have chosen as friends. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But you still have to make it work somehow. You do.

You know? And we should get into that with boundaries. Let's do it. And then also, just in case, just in case somebody is listening right now that has no family. Maybe you lost both of your parents and maybe you got abandoned when you were younger and you just have no one if you just have one person that's a friend that's your family and don't you ever forget that yeah don't you ever forget that you know what while you say that let's talk about your true family your true father the one who yes will never leave you nor forsake you and that's Jesus and and yeah and like I've had times where, and like, yes, go ahead. No, no, go ahead.

No, because it's true. It's like, don't ever forget that you have him. Yeah. And he is right by your side. And he, we said earlier, he is close to the crushing spirit and you have a father and that should make you feel so safe. So safe. And at times where I didn't feel like I even had my family, I felt at peace because I knew I had him. Amen. It's so safe. And at times where I didn't feel like I even had my family, I felt at peace because I knew I had him. Amen. It's so true. In Ephesians chapter one, verse four, it says, for he chose

us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will. Before the creation of the world, he chose us. God created you so intentionally. He created you as your father, you being his kid. You are, that is the best parent and family relationship that you will ever have. And don't ever forget that he chose you. You're not here by accident. I feel like being in a position where you don't have any family or don't have anywhere that maybe you feel you belong would make you feel like, what's my point? What's the point of me? I don't belong anywhere. You belong with Jesus. You do. You do.

You do. You belong here. If you're here, you belong here. There is no accident that you were created. There's no accident that you woke up this morning. I say it all the time. Even when I did have my family, I had felt like I was still alone. And this was before I had Jesus. And I said, the one time where I actually felt safe was when I found him. It was the day that I found him in that church and I felt peace. I felt I was alone, but I finally felt like I had a parent holding me because that's what he does. And he will comfort you and he will bring the community into your life. If you are in this place where you don't have family or even friends, he is right there

and he is going to provide for you. So keep hanging on. Truly. I, before I really, I wanted to just touch on my family just one more time. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I just wanted to say, cause, and this could go out for people as well. I don't know how old you are. Maybe this was your childhood. Like for me, my parents, like we said, they're such workers. My parents worked a lot. Um worked a lot. My family, I mean, they climbed the ladder in corporate so quickly. It's honestly the most impressive thing I've ever been able to witness. Both my parents, like just absolute gangsters, but they're like so cool. And both of them were able to give us a life. Not that we always had everything. And it was all there was always

ups and downs. But at a couple of points in my life, I remember being like, how did my parents do this? Even as a kid, I was aware, like, this is cool what they've been able to provide for us. But they worked all the shifts as many hours as you could possibly work, my parents worked them. And so there were a lot of times like in school and my mom is just so cute she'll she thinks about it to this day about how there were times where she couldn't come to like parents were supposed to come in into school and neither of them could get off of work and she still will cry about it to this day and she'll be like I'm so sorry and I'm like I literally don't care it's okay you were the best you gave me I got to go shop at ever crumbly like i'm okay did

you shop at limited too yes i freak it up at limited too i my mom wouldn't bring me to limited too because it was too expensive so she took me to marshalls and tj maxx for the knockoffs hey i was a big marshalls and tj maxx girl oh my we love my mom is gonna be. She had me at Marshall's and TJ Maxx every day. That's so cute. Oh, man. Hey, honestly. But look, it builds. It really does build character, truly. But yeah, and then my parents are just, I, when it came to the holidays, though, we don't really have traditions.

Like, we don't really do, you know, we don't have. So I also looked at other families who, it just looks so perfect from the outside looking in. It's like, oh, they have all these things. They do all this stuff together. My family's a little bit more like, you know, we it's just not as traditional. And so I remember growing up being like, I wish my family could do this and do that and whatever. And now I look back and I'm like, yo, my family is real. Like my family is like, listen.

So cool. So cool. And like the thing, my family, like we're a little crazy. And if we argue, like we might burn the place to the ground. But we love each other so much. We would die for each other. Like literally. I know.

You guys are honestly, I'm a rider for the Albanians, baby. No, you are Albanian. I'm half Albanian, half Dutch, half Italian. That's three halves. Okay, okay. Let's talk about toxic family and boundaries. Yeah, what do you... So when it comes to boundaries, tell me what yours look like.

My family has done a great job with... My family has done a great job with throughout the years as we've gotten older and, you know, gained more knowledge. We realized that, hmm, maybe it's not... Why is it... And this is the case for a lot of people that the people you love the most oftentimes you treat the worst not that we treat each other badly but that's typically the case because you know they'll take it you know that you can say whatever and then go eat fruit together in five minutes you know and then there came like specifically for me and my mom we love each other

like clear it's very clear now I've said enough times we are best friends we we have the best relationship but when I was younger like we would go at it with each other we would fight like sisters um mostly because we're both we're the exact same person we're both headstrong we both think that we're right we both we have the same opinion on most things so when we don't it's like we'll fight till the death to get the other one to agree with what we think. And so there came a time a few years ago, like when I got into my 20s, that my mom and I both made it. It was really beautiful. It was so beautiful what we did. We made a conscious decision.

We sat down with each other and said, we love each other so much. Why do we talk to each other like this sometimes? Why? Like, let's get to the bottom of it. We have to stop doing this. And my mom and I set boundaries with each other like this sometimes. Why? Like, let's get to the bottom of it. We have to stop doing this. And my mom and I set boundaries with each other. Yeah. Beautiful. It was so cool. And we were both, and it's just like an example of two people who love each other so much that they're willing to, to, what is the word that I'm looking for? They're willing to respect each other's

boundaries, um, to have the healthiest, best relationship that you can. And so my mom would be like, no, I'm your mom. I'm your authority. Like, yeah, we're friends, but I'm your mom before that. So you better treat me as such. And then I would come to her and be like, hey, I am your daughter, but like, I need you to treat me like an adult, like you're equal, not just because you're my authority doesn't, you know what I mean? And it was just this beautiful thing that happened. And we kind of got into this relationship where we learn from each other and teach each other. And it's just a really beautiful thing. And boundaries are really important. And I think that they're, even though they're hard to set, I think it's possible. Yeah. Yeah. It's I, I love, love, love that you said that. Cause we got a lot of questions on that. Like, how do I navigate this with my family? Because obviously it's family. Yeah. I went through a lot of different things with my family.

I tried to do the whole tough love thing where I'm like, you know what? I got to give them the tough love. I can't deal with this. Like I have to set that boundary. I have to cut it off. I have to. For my own mental health, I have to. For me, I was a lot different from what I was a year, even a year ago.

I've learned patience. I've learned to really accept people for who they are yeah and I think that what we need to realize is that everybody struggles we we are all fighting a battle of some sort right yeah and so sometimes hurt people hurt people and sometimes they'll hurt their kids and that doesn't mean that we enable it and let them walk all over us and let them be abusive. But it's the same with me. I've had to set that boundary, but I've also really looked at my parents in a different light. I look, instead of being angry and being like, oh God, this is so annoying. Why are they doing this? I look at them at a place of love. And I truly believe that's because I have Jesus. And I like learning about Jesus and understanding him. I see he's such a comforting, compassionate God.

And I want to be that for my parents because at the end of the day, like my mom, she loves me so much. I see her heart. And there were times where I did cut her off and it was the most painful thing I've ever done. And I know that she was in so much pain as well. And so now it's like this beautiful thing where I know when she's suffering, I can sit there with compassion and just listen to her instead of looking at her from a place of anger, you know, because she, at the end of the day, she did everything she could for me. And when things got tough and I was at the bottom and I needed someone, my mom was right there. And then there were times where a lot of the times where I felt like I had to be the parent. And I'm sure a lot

of you guys that are watching feel like that with your parents too, where you have to be the one to take care of everyone. And I, I, I, a lot of the times I had to pick up the slack and, and be the parent. And that was hard. I think that was hard because sometimes you, you want to run to your parents and sometimes I just, I couldn't do that, but I think it really helped me grow too, as, as a, as grow, too, as a woman to be able to take care of people. I don't know. We're all going through so much trauma. Everybody has trauma in their lives, including our parents. It's really hard to be a parent.

I can't imagine how hard it is to be a parent. It's really hard. I think for me, I try to be a parent. It's I can't imagine how hard it is. It's really hard. And so you got to I think for me, I just I try to give them grace. I I'm I you know, it's coming to my mind is the fact that like your parents and my parents were like around the same age, their generation, they didn't even have the Internet. They don't have the resources that we have today. There's this like there's this trend that's been going on for a long time called gentle parenting. And so our, just like your, like your, my family was all about tough love. We're still about tough

love. Albanians are very much like, you know, like, come on, like you get hurt, you get up, like you, you keep it pushing, you keep moving forward. Like there's no room to be a victim in my culture. And so my parents were and I'm really grateful for that tough love. Like were there could there have been some other ways of addressing things? Probably. But I will say that tough love is needed in a lot of situations. But just like you said, how they're doing the best that they could, like they didn't have the resources that we have today to be good parents and to like know all these things. Our parents didn't know about gentle parenting. Our parents were trying to survive. My parents were fleeing another country.

I'm sorry. You're like, we don't have time to gentle parent you right now. We have bigger problems. gentle parent you right now. Like we have bigger problems. So, and so we, that's not to say that your trauma is invalid and that you, the way that you feel about it is invalid by any means, but I hope that it is comforting to know that just if you look at it from the lens of they truly did the best that they could, like for me, if there was anything that my parents did wrong, I have a reckless forgiveness for them. I do too. Reckless.

Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. It's because you have Jesus too. Yeah, it is. And one of the greatest things about having Jesus is that we really learn how to forgive

and have grace and compassion. And another thing too with our parents, like sometimes our parents, they'll, they don't know better. So they'll do what their parents taught them. So it's like generation after generation. And I think what I see a lot of videos, which I don't agree with at all. It's like, oh, you grow up with parents. You're just going to end up like that. No, actually, because of what I grew up in and because of what I saw, I truly, I will be the greatest mother to my kids because I learned what not to do. And you learned the ins and outs, you learn the struggle and you just learn right from wrong. And that's why I

wouldn't take back one minute of my struggle. And I just, I don't want anyone to feel ashamed or embarrassed that you are, that you struggle. Because I think struggle is the greatest gift you can ever have. Take trauma as the greatest gift you can ever have. Because truly, without trauma and without struggle, you don't have character. I see it all the time with people who are just coasting through life and they don't have compassion. They don't have empathy. They don't know how to help others.

So take your trauma and take your struggle and take it as an absolute gift because you will be a vessel for so many people and you will have compassion. And compassion is the number one tool to have in this life. Empathy and compassion. Nothing will make you more like Jesus than having compassion for others. Yeah. And I mean, it's, it's just in the story of Jesus himself. He was so compact, like it's so important for us to go through things to then be able to testify to other people and to help others just the way that God literally, I know we say it all the time, but he really came down in human form because he wanted to relate to us. He literally became a human and felt everything

that we did so he could relate to us. So that barrier between us would be closed and we would be reconciled to him. Otherwise it's just us and he's there and there's a separation. And that's what happens with people as well. When there's a lack of shared experience between you, then it's like, I can't understand you. You don't understand me. But when you have that shared experience, that's what closes the gap and brings you together. It's so important. So I love what you say about that, how you need to, yes, like trauma, you have to heal it and you have to go through a lot and you ask Jesus to help you heal that trauma and childhood trauma is real it is real and maybe let's touch on that do you mind

yeah yeah I would love to talk about childhood trauma yeah I would love to talk about childhood trauma well I think it's it's a big it's a big one because it carries into your adult life yeah it does um people always say all the time, like kids are so relentless, they're relentless. But between the ages, I think like four and eight, five and eight, is your most, it is when you are the most sensitive, the most influenced, the most, that is where your brain is developed during that period. So whatever happens to you during that period sticks with you. And so if you experience any form of abuse, any form, that is going to be extremely traumatic. And if people don't know, trauma, usually people think that trauma is the event in and of itself that happened, but trauma is actually our response to it. So when something bad happens, when some sort of hurt, physical,

mental, emotional, or spiritual hurt happens, trauma is our reaction to that. And that's why trauma can last forever because that reaction, you can just continue having the reaction years and years later that you had in that one moment. Yeah. Yeah. You couldn't have said that better. That is the truth. That's why I think I, that's why I always talk about therapy because you don't think you think therapy is a joke. It's not, it actually saved my life. Therapy was one of the biggest tools in my whole journey. I went through a lot as a kid. I really, really did. I'm very open about it because I know that a lot of people are struggling and um I think one of the things I learned in therapy is like what you the trauma that you went through as a child was not it's not your fault like being told that you're not loved that you're unworthy

it's not your fault and so unlearning all that, because you still have, I, I never dealt with anything. It's so funny. So I was, I told Angela this, but my very best friend, Angela is my best friend. So don't, I don't want any mean thing. Anytime I say my best friend, everyone, the Gigi Bagan comes after me. But I told Angela this, that I was talking to my childhood best friend. She knows me better than anyone. Not you. But we were just talking about, because we were talking about today's episode, and she goes, you know, Ariel, you never dealt with anything. You went through so much as a kid, and you never dealt with it.

You just kept going. You moved to L.A. when you were 18. You were on the go to start your career. You just wanted to do the right thing. And I never dealt with it. You just kept going. You moved to LA when you were 18. You were on the go to start your career. You just wanted to do the right thing you want. And it's, and I never dealt with it until recently. And so I have really been unpacking it all and unlearning a lot of things. And I, along with finding Jesus and it's one of the greatest tools you guys can ever do is because it's, it's, you're talking to a therapist, they can help you. You help you you you feel open to really unpack all that trauma yeah when you were a kid and

I think it's a great tool I think it's a great tool and I think it's so so helpful and if you feel like um you're somebody who has trouble addressing your own emotions or you see yourself getting triggered by a lot of things, like there's a reason for that. And I would really encourage you to go to therapy. I would also encourage, I'm sorry. Oh no, go ahead. I thought you were done. Oh no, I'm sorry. I was just going to say, we're the most polite people of all time. I was going to say that one way to pray is I ask this, I do this for myself and for other people a lot. When I'm praying for somebody, I always ask God to expose to them any, to bring to the forefront any trauma that they've had, any unhealed trauma.

And I ask God to bring it to their forefront and help them process it and then help them heal it like once and for all. And I do that with myself. I don't know. The truth is like, I don't even remember. I'm somebody who I'm so like, just push through it, just steamroll through the pain, just who cares, just keep going that I have to take a moment where in my quiet time with Jesus, I do do this with him, maybe not with other people. But when it's just me and God, I say, God, will you help me see what happened? Will you bring it to the forefront? Because there's a bitterness and there's a resentment and there's a hurt that's down there.

I feel it. It's coming up in all these different ways. But really, it's just like little Angela is hurting about something. So can you bring that to the forefront and help me see it and heal it? Isn't it crazy how certain things will bring up traumas in your body, like certain little occurrences? Go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I love that you say pray about that. And I think that's another big reason why you should fast, because I find that when I fast, that's when my mind opens up and I can really see everything so clearly what's been going on. So true.

I can really see everything so clearly what's been going on. So true. Fasting, if you, I typically will use fasting to restore myself, to strengthen myself spiritually. Um, but one of the great benefits of it is that it gives you such clarity and, and it makes you so sensitive to the voice of God that you'll then be able to hear little things that he, you would not have, you, you would have been too distracted and he'll give you revelation like that. Do you want to answer some questions? Yes, let's do that. Let's answer some questions. I just want to read one thing.

I just really want to talk about the fact that me and Ari are so passionate about the family unit. We are so passionate about families, and we'll answer all your guys' questions about how to deal with negative, toxic people and what to do and whatever. Ari, you said something so beautiful earlier where you said you want to be that comfort and that compassion for your parents. Like you get that comfort and compassion from Jesus, and then you can use that from him to then give that to your parents. And I am so, I'm such a champion for keeping the family together. And so are you. And for like a

family unit and like, we are stronger together. The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy the family. He wants to divide and conquer. You have to understand that in society all around us right now, there is an attack on the family. God. Because when he can get us alone, that's when he can get into us. And so you have to, I encourage you, please, in the name of Jesus, be the peace of your family. That's the best encouragement I can give you. If I'm being honest, when I was a kid, my mom tells me all the time, I used to be the piece of the family. If I would hear people fighting or like not getting along or something, I would immediately as a child go and I would be the peacemaker and bring people together and whatever. And then I've like re-entered into that space while being in relationship with Jesus, because I realized that

you could be the one thing that like holds your family together. And I encourage you to be that thing. Make peace in the family. Choose forgiveness. Choose peace. Choose to pray. If you're about to go into a family situation, saturate it in prayer. Cover it in prayer. Cover your family in prayer.

Say, Holy Spirit, please come into my house right now and make peace. Get rid of any tension. Any attacks from the enemy are canceled in Jesus' name. And release your peace, God, over my whole family so we can have a beautiful holiday season. I'm sorry. I just love listening to you say that because I love you. No, I really do. Because honestly, if you want to know the secret and the answer to peace and love and joy and unity with your family, prayer.

Prayer. Jesus. Yeah. And that's it. I mean, two words, Jesus, prayer. In Nehemiah chapter 414, it says, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses. Fight for your family. Fight for them. Fight on their behalf. Fight for them to stay together. Fight for them to have peace. Like this is all, that's what I encourage you to do during the holidays

and whenever you're going to be with family. Again, because it's hard for everybody to get along. It's normal when people are fighting. It's normal to have a bit of chaos here and there, but pray that the Holy Spirit will make peace in your situation. Here's what you need to ask yourself. How would I feel if tomorrow the person that I'm holding resentment to and I'm not talking to dies? Yeah. How would that feel? You know, it's not worth it. It's just not. And I, I, I have a family situation where, you know, one of my, my sister doesn't talk to someone in my family and it's been years and I, it hurts me so much because, you know, I don't want to get too deep, but it's like, it's, it's not worth it at the end of the day, that's your family. And maybe they're not perfect, but they love you.

They love you. And then there's other situations where sometimes the people that raise you really are rotten and not good. And they don't deserve to be in your life. And there are situations like that, too. So I don't want to say, oh, if they're abusing you and doing horrible, horrible, vicious things to you that you should keep them in your life. That's not what I'm saying at all. But we have to understand that there is this side of, of mental illness. Yeah. You know, there's, there's mental illness and it's like an addiction and addiction. And, you know, say,

I mean, when someone's sick with cancer, we run to their aid and we want to take care of them. But then when we're taught that if you have addiction or mental illness, we're meant to turn our backs on them. And that's just not the case. We have to have compassion for people. I mean, you know, so. It's so true. It's so true. I love what you said. Yes, if you're being abused in any way, you absolutely, you cut ties and you do what you need to do to protect yourself. If you're just having tension within your family, fight against that attention, that tension. Don't let the enemy win. And I just, I just want to make this short, but I, there's a lot of people that have family members that are struggling with addiction. And they're not bad.

People with addiction aren't bad. They're actually suffering the most out of anyone. They are suffering. They are sad. And they feel really alone. And so as frustrating as it can be, and we don't want to condone what they're doing, and we don't, you know, it's tough. It really is.

But we still have to love them and love on them and have compassion for them. Exactly. Because they are suffering. Truly. And the last thing you want to do is wake up and they're not there anymore and you had just shunned them out. Forgiveness. Forgiveness, forgiveness.

Have a reckless forgiveness for the people that you're around. Ask God to give you patience and to give you the ability to just, like for me, I mean, I used to, when I was younger, I used to get into arguments with every, I know it's like a joke that's like, oh, gonna Thanksgiving dinner, gonna argue with all my aunts and uncles. And it's like, that's actually not okay. It's really not. And you have the ability to like, speak truth in love, like do not compromise your own values. But at the same time, like understand, especially people who are older, like people who are older and of our parents and grandparents generation, like they're so stubborn and stuck in their ways. Like we can't expect them to just understand us and like what we believe in and what we think.

So it's just like have compassion and understanding for the people around you. And also it's like I look at some of these kids that I've been I've been like at the shelter. They have no one. Yeah. They don't have they would be lucky enough to even have a friend or or a mom or a dad so it's like even if your family isn't perfect you should for me I'm just like I it's okay it's so okay it's okay I'm just thankful that I have someone you know yeah let's answer questions but it's so true I'm, I've also, like you already said earlier, I've grown to love the imperfections in my family.

I think it's hilarious. Like, that's my family. Those are my people. I don't want them to be any different. All the quirkiness, all the things that may be different from other families. You know, it's so funny. We basically answered most of the questions, like, without even. You know, it's so funny.

We basically answered most of the questions like without even. But I will. Let's see. How to navigate being the only Christian in the family. Wow. Well, you're a Christian and your parents are Catholic. But it doesn't. No, that does.

I mean, yeah, I guess it's hard for us because Ari and I are so blessed in the sense that even the people in our lives who are nonbelievers are so respectful of our faith. We literally answered all. Did we? The questions. I'm sure we did. Oh, let me. It's okay if we did. Let me, I like this one, how to open up to a family member about suicidal thoughts without feeling like a burden on them. First of all, I just want to say that I am, whoever sent me this, sent us this question,

I am so proud of you. The fact that you were bold enough to come out and talk about it just shows that you already beat the devil. Truly. Okay. So beat the devil. Truly. So proud of you. Yeah. Any thoughts, suicidal thoughts that you're having, we know that is from the enemy. Okay.

And so your family would never think you're a burden or a failure. You should be so proud of yourself that you're coming bold and want to talk about it. And you're recognizing the thoughts. You're recognizing the thoughts that aren't from you, that aren't from the enemy. And, you know, we know that Satan likes to push buttons, but if we put our strength into God, the enemy can't even get close to us. So know that and know that your family loves you so much. You have a whole community of people that you can talk to. And I'm just, I love you so much, whoever wrote this question. And I'm just so proud of you. And I hope you know that you're not alone and you will overcome those stupid, stupid thoughts,

those thoughts that are not, that are from the enemy and that wants to just attack the mind. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. And we know that scripture says that we shall live and not die. If God gave you life today, if you have air in your lungs and blood running through your veins, it's because God loves you so much and he needs you. And I know you understand that these thoughts are from the enemy. Scripture says that the enemy comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy. But God comes, Jesus comes to give you life and life more abundantly. So that life is from Jesus. That death is from the enemy.

And you will not let the enemy win today. Absolutely not. You won't. You reach out to your family. That inclination that you have to talk to somebody about it, that's good. That's important. We're as sick as our secrets. You have to tell people, thank you for coming to us first.

And now it's time to tell somebody in your life. you will not be a burden. They will be so grateful that you reached out. I can promise you that. This is actually going to propel you to help someone else that is in the place that you're in, that has these thoughts. You are going to be a vessel for them. The reason why I can be as compassionate as I am and Angela can, because we went through that. We were there with those thoughts, with those, we were in the mud. And so because where you are right now, you are going to be able to help people. So I am so proud of you and we love you so much. So proud of you guys. So before we close, I know that you guys, I mean, most of the questions we actually answered as I went through, but when you think about being angry or holding resentment, I just want to read a little scripture.

It's Colossians 3, verse 12. Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you. So you also must forgive. I can't even tell you how many times the Lord has forgiven me and given me such compassion when I have been far from perfect and angry and resentful and not at my best. He's forgiven me over and over and over again. and not at my best. He's forgiven me over and over and over again. And so I just encourage you guys that when you're in this state of wanting to hold the resentment towards a family member, to just remember how Jesus is. And I think that will make you think again about, you know,

forgiving someone and coming to them with grace and compassion. And instead of getting annoyed, just listening to them and knowing that everyone's going through something. We're all going through trauma and we're all hurting. And so we just have to give people grace, especially our family members. I love that so much. Couldn't have said it better myself. Choose forgiveness. choose forgiveness choose forgiveness as every the scripture says if somebody says sorry you need to forgive them seven times 70 times that's a lot of times just keep forgiving have this mentality me and art like things that used to annoy me so bad just roll off my back i'm like

yeah yeah yeah because i have the peace of God within me that allows me that grace. God gave me grace, and I'm able to give that grace to others. It's not as serious as we think it is a lot of the time. We're all getting mad at everyone for this and that. We deal with this all the time from people in our lives. We're five minutes late, and they make this big deal. It's all good. It's all good in the hood. It truly is. Like, choose forgiveness, choose peace. You have the ability.

So we, oh, no. What? I was just going to say, so we're leaving tomorrow. We have another episode. Well, I think that's it, sister. That's it for today. We love you guys so much. We love you.

And we hope that this helped you guys today in some way. You know, you're not alone. I just, that's our, basically our point is, you know, you're not alone in anything that you go through. It's universal. I, sorry, before, can I just read this last little part? Anyone, when we talk on the, when we're on the topic of families and parents, John chapter one, verse 12 says, but to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. All you have to do is receive Jesus and believe in his name and you will be a child of God. You will never be an orphan again. And he's the best family that you can have. We love you guys so, so much. May the Lord bless

you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you may he turn his face towards you and give you peace peace we love you guys more than you can imagine so much thank you for everything you do for us thank you for watching thanks for being our family thank you for yeah really if you you guys think you you you we make you feel less lonely you guys literally make us feel less lonely we love you so think we make you feel less lonely, you guys literally make us feel less lonely. We love you so much. We love you.