Girls Gone Bible - Buried in Grief| Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

hiiiiii GGGGB :) guys. today is a super raw and emotional episode where we let you into what's currently going on in our lives. a conversation about grief, suffering, rocky faith and how to let Jesus meet you in that space. we love you guys so much. Jesus loves you so much more. -Ang & Ari ORDER OUR NEW BOOK! You can order our new book "Out of the Wilderness— 31 Devotions to Walk with God Through Your Hardest Seasons" at girlsgonebible.com/book JOIN US ON GGB+ 🥹❤️ https://ggb.supportingcast.fm WE LOVE YOU AND CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU! CrowdHealth A smarter, more affordable alternative to traditional health insurance. Join a community that helps you save money while staying covered. Use code GGB to get your first 3 months for $99 at JoinCrowdHealth.com https://JoinCrowdHealth.com Dose Daily A daily wellness beverage crafted with adaptogenic mushrooms for energy and mental clarity. Save 35% on your first subscription at https://DoseDaily.co/GGB using code GGB IQBAR Fuel your body and brain with IQBAR. Plant-based protein bars packed with clean ingredients and functional nutrients. Text GGB to 64000 for 20% off plus free shipping. Olive & June Salon-quality nails from home made easy with the Olive & June system. Everything you need for a flawless at-home manicure. Get 20% off your first system at OliveandJune.com/GGB (http://OliveandJune.com/GGB). BetterHelp A convenient, affordable way to connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home. Get 10% off your first month at https://BetterHelp.com/girlsgonebible. Ritual Instead of striving for perfect health, aim for supporting foundational health. Get 40% off your first month, only at  https://ritual.com/GGB (https://ritual.com/GGB)

You guys, we walked in here today and we literally look like the bopsy twins. We have the same outfit on. She's not on purpose. We're both wearing black leggings and black long sleeve shirts. Both of our hair is down, which never happens. Your hair is never down. I'm always a hat. You know half up, half down.

It's like my comfort hair, dear. It's her little comfort. It's her literal comfort. Like she feels a little bit uncomfortable with her hair down. She's, does anybody else ever feel that way? Like you have a comfort do? I know my other girlfriend likes her hair slick. Who? Carolina.

Oh my gosh. I want to wear a slicked back here do so bad, but I always say that I would look like I'm like the army. I could not. Guys, you don't want to see me in a slick back button. You don't want to see all this hair back like that. I wish so bad. I could be like a clean girl, aesthetic hair all the way back. But it's so classy.

It's so classy. But me and you are like, we're kind of like rough riders with a little too much powder, right? I mean, I just like a little, I like a little bang, like a Farrah Fawcett bag, you know. I have to have a bang, guys. I can't live without a bang. My mom gets mad at me when I don't have bangs. Any other Eastern Europeans have a mom who is like very particular in how she likes your hair or style or makeup. My mom is so, your mom is too, right?

Like so particular. Like my mom will call me and be like, watch this week's episode. You need to cut your bangs. And I'm like, don't get, Christina. So guys, hi, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. We are a faith-based podcast where we talk all things, spirituality, mental health, the Bible.

We love Jesus so much. We are here to walk with God with you, read the Bible with you, teach you the scriptures, learn the scriptures for ourselves, walk through trials, hardships, and deep suffering at times. And then get through things with you guys and show you it it's like to go through things and then make it on the other side with Jesus. What's up our? What's been so cool is that we've walked together. Like they've seen us through so many seasons of heartbreaking grief

and trying to figure this process out of being in Christianity. I think that's the best part about what we do with Girls Gone Bible is you've seen us at our lowest and we've all gone through it together. And it's just so special. I was really reflecting on that the other day. It's so special. Yeah. You guys have watched us gross. so much. And yeah, I think this season of my life specifically has made me really grateful for the

fact that, you know, Jesus has put us in a position of leadership in a way of hosting and leading a podcast. And this is a form of ministry. And I think when I came into this, I had this ideal and expectation for myself that I would be absolutely, like, perfect and, like, you know, never being able to go through things or, you know, experience even hardship in my own faith because you're leading something. And what I've discovered as I've been walking through somewhat of a difficult season recently, I'm going to let you guys into it eventually. It just not yet. Um, I don't even know where I was going with that sentence. I'm planning on doing this.

Today we're going to talk about being the light and salt of the earth. And I think, I think, stop. Okay, sorry. I think I felt super vulnerable today because R and I had, we planned on walking through the gospel of Matthew with you guys, And like, we just wanted to do a series on like the sermon on the mount and just like all of Jesus' teachings. And we had been planning that for a while. And this was the first one we were going to do in Matthew five of Jesus teaching about how as believers were meant to be the light and salt, light of the world and the salt of the earth. And I've felt so vulnerable today because I'm like, I don't feel like the light of the world, you know.

And I don't feel like the salt of the earth right now. And so it's just so hard because I'm like, oh, I have to teach these principles and these things that of course are who I am at my core and who I've been. But also, like, we have to be completely honest that sometimes we come on the podcast and like, we might not exactly be feeling what we're teaching sometimes. you know what I mean? And like, I think Ari and I are also learning the balance of like congruency in a position of leadership where like, like, yeah, I'm going to tell you guys about how to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth while also like actively walking through these things myself.

And I'm in a season right now where my faith isn't great, you know? And strength. And I don't even know where I'm going with this. honestly, I just couldn't even do this episode without being honest because as I read the scripture about salt and how it's meant to preserve and all these things I'm thinking about and how it says, like, if salt loses its flavor, like, what power does it have? What's the point? And I'm like, oh, man, I really feel like my salt has lost its flavor recently, which is, I love

you, but, you know, and so anyways, I say all that to say that this is where I'm at right now. It's so hard coming on the podcast and pretending everything is okay when I'm just walking through a lot and everything I've ever... Honestly, I just, this is the strong, like you, as your friend, I'm watching you, this is the strongest I've ever seen you. I love you. so proud of you stop saying why am i doing this this is literally the lord speaking through you and this is what i wanted you to do and but on your time this is going to help so many people this is

strength thank you this isn't weakness and i'm so proud of you think you are yeah i think it's just like um everything that i've ever taught you know i think suffering is like such a big part of GGB and how to suffer well and how to suffer with Jesus. And you join in his suffering, you share in his glory. And it's so easy to like teach and preach and communicate that stuff from like an authentic place because we've both been through deep suffering and we've both had to do this before. And then when you face things yourself, that bring about deep suffering. suffering, you realize like, okay, so this is the time where I have to put everything that I say to everybody else into practice. And so I'm learning how to in this season suffer well and suffer

with Jesus. Yeah. So I'm here with you guys in the thick of whatever you're going through and just know that if you're in a situation where your faith is maybe I don't want to say that. Why? It's real. It can be real. It's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing to say.

That's what so many people are going through right now. I would love to hear that when I was going through. Yeah. I think I'm in a situation right now where it's more than just like anxiety, and it's more than just, you know, a little bit of hardship. I think my nervous system has been just destroyed. And so I think, yeah, I think it's just interesting to think about faith from this perspective that there's like a physically, this isn't helpful.

I'm just falling apart, you know? No, no, I'm not saying for you. I'm saying for myself, I don't want to just, it doesn't help anyone to just fall apart in front of people. It's it, but this, we aren't, this, it is, though. This is where we're real girls who go through things. Yeah, I think, um, what I'm trying to say is like, I think we've talked so much on the podcast about like, if you're having anxiety, if you're having depression, just pray and just, and that's all true. Just read the word. Yes, absolutely.

And there's an element to like, to where you just, you can't pray. You can't. lose faith. There's just like an element to like trauma and tragedy, grief. That it's not, you know, just a matter of have faith trust God. And that comes and that's true. Anyways, I think what I'm trying to say is if you're in a situation where you feel like your faith is rocked, you just got to move through it. and you keep doing all the spiritual practices, spending time with Jesus. Yeah, I just, anyways, truly what I'm trying to say is, I think I've felt a little, not guilty, but just like, sometimes we talk about anxiety and stuff in a way that's just like,

you have to have faith through it. And like, I just want you guys to know when traumatic things happen, when your nervous system is in overdrive, when crazy things happen, like, having faith isn't the easiest thing in the world. And we're just like you guys going through things that you are. And this probably isn't helpful at all because I'm not saying anything. This is so, this is so helpful. You don't need to teach all the times. People seeing you as a real person going through things makes people feel so seen.

Yeah. You make me feel seen. Do you know how many people are battling with grief right now? They can't get out of bed. Grief is weighing them to the bed and to see you, someone that they love, they look at you like family, to see you going through it too. Last night, when I was out, I had a girl come up to me and she said,

you know, I come, I've lived in L.A. in the darkness. And when I saw you to come from such darkness to have such past, seeing you guys talk about your darkness brought me into the light. Yeah. So when you say like, I don't feel like the salt, this is salt, this is seasoning people to make people feel seen. This is bending down to them. You're meeting people where they're at right now.

This is why people, right guys? Like this is why I mean, I had nothing to teach when we first started. I was so buried in grief and heartbreak. I didn't think I would ever be okay again. And that's all I had was to share my grief and to say, hey, this is what I'm going through. And it made people feel seen. I hope it did. I think it's good we're talking about this just about how like, just this just

the reality of like when really, really hard things happen that send not only your mind and your heart, but your body into like a difficult, dark place. I'm sure so many people feel shame that they're like, not close to Jesus. Not close to Jesus and not having the faith. And yeah, I think it's been super humbling for me. because I've never struggled with faith ever. And it's just like a, it's just like a really rude awakening that, my goodness, we are like, fragile as humans, you know? So fragile.

And things can get really dark and then it feels weird as a believer to be like, nothing, to be like, you know, Jesus is the hope of the world. Like, the hope of the world lives inside of you. And then to feel hopeless is so just weird. I know. You know? Yeah. And I'm sure you went through that so much when you were in your grief. And everyone's just like, trust Jesus, trust Jesus, trust Jesus. And yes, of course. And deep down, I don't, doesn't matter what I'm going through. The second I like, even remotely lift my eyes above whatever circumstance I'm in, I see the truth. You see the heavenly perspective, you know, and everything heals and everything passes. All right, guys, we had this moment the other day.

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But when you're in it, hearing somebody say to you, trust Jesus, it's all, it's such, it's just interesting. I don't have the answer for it because, of course, people should tell you to trust Jesus, but I can't imagine how difficult that was for you at times when you're just like, how can you tell me to trust Jesus right now when I, I don't trust anything right now. Yeah, and it's like sometimes it's obviously the right, trust Jesus, but sometimes it can feel so dismissive. Right. Because sometimes you just, your nervous system, like you're so buried in grief, your nervous system, the trauma that you go through when, you know, it's,

when you experience loss, it's so much more than just trust Jesus. And I remember when I first came into Christianity, I felt like, gosh, yeah, maybe I'm, I don't trust. Maybe I don't have faith. Maybe I'm not good enough for this thing because I still can't get out of bed. I still don't know how to trust. I still have so much bitterness. I can't get out of this. And so what I've learned is like, you need you to surround your.

with people that love you. You need to be so patient with yourself. Yeah. You have to be so patient with yourself. Take it from me. Somebody who refuses to be in the broken place that I am. Someone who like, I hate it. I'm an overcomer. I'm not, I don't submit to this type of reality. Like, I have had to learn. I have truly had to learn how to So this is the first time I think in my life I've had to learn to give myself grace, you know, and be patient with myself and not force myself to get out of a place that I'm in. Not, is it irresponsible to just cry on? Absolutely not.

Can you just repeat what, remind me what you just said? I was talking about giving yourself grace and being patient with yourself and not trying to force yourself to be further. along in a healing process than you are. And you can't force yourself out of grief and you can't force yourself out of. And by that, which means like, it could mean so many things for different people. For me, I'll just say, like, I would just like run to something to latch on to. And for the first time in my life, God was like, you cannot, you're done.

You, there is nothing to latch on to it. can only latch on to me and you have to heal the right way. And so, yeah, like really facing it, really facing the problem as I think is what you're saying. Yeah, totally. And just like definitely facing it, which is I used to be a lot like you where I'd be like you just push through, move forward, busy up, like, you know, do whatever you need to do to get out of whatever you're feeling. Um, and I is so facing it, but also like you have to like just accept where you are in a process of grief. And even if like, and I know that maybe you show like dealt with this too, but when you're going through something and of course people can relate to you, but nobody knows what you are going through. Nobody knows what you are feeling.

And even listening to pressures of like. move on get over it yeah oh that's please yeah and i feel like so many people deal with that too and it's just so interesting about grief because grief is so weird because you are like almost stuck in time in a way and everybody keeps the rest of the world is moving you feel stuck yeah and the days just go by and you're just sitting there like yeah and so i think it's you just you just just have to be patient with yourself, guys, wherever you are, give yourself grace, just know that trying to force yourself to be in a different spot. And that's not to say that you submit to just being in grief and depression forever. Obviously, you know what I mean? Like, you do the

necessary things to heal and move forward and get better. And at the same time, you can't force yourself to be anywhere else than where you are. You only will hurt yourself more. You'll only keep suppress and and you know have things come up later. Yeah, I think this is the first time in my life and I hate it so much, even though I know it's a good thing. I literally hate it so much. It's the first time where the Lord is literally is like you are facing everything head on, no distraction. And I know like Philip Anthony Mitchell says, suffering that's under the blood of Jesus, what does he say? I forget what he says. But anyways, he says suffering that's under the blood of Jesus is good, is fruitful, is really good. So I just, those are things that I keep looking

toward. And so if you're in a situation where you're suffering or you've had tragedy, seriously, the only thing, the number one thing that gets me by is the thought that, oh my gosh, what could this be producing inside of me? You know, if this is this painful, if this is this bad, there's something. There's a version of me that's ridiculous. And I can this is, it's like there's a version of you on the other side that is so much more like Jesus. And I keep being reminded that there is just like it's so counterintuitive. It feels the opposite, but there's so much healing that takes place in suffering. There's so, if you allow it, if you submit your suffering to Jesus, if you are like doing things the right way, because you can

suffer incorrectly, which I have, by the way. But like, if you are suffering the right way with Jesus, it means that there's also healing taking place at the same time. And so, and that's not to like put a bandit on your suffering because it doesn't take away. And also, this is like the human experience. And that's kind of beautiful, you know, that open enrollment always feels like one of those moments where you're supposed to make a big decision. But no one actually explains. anything. It's confusing, it's overwhelming, and honestly, it can feel like you're being rushed into signing up for something overpriced with fine print that you don't fully understand. That's why we've been looking at alternatives, options that actually let you make

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This is how we win. Join crowdhealth.com. Like we're meant to go through these things. We're meant to, I'm not necessarily actually because God did not create us with the intention that we'd suffer. That's a result of the fall. However, this is what we go through in life. And there's just got to be so much beauty in it to feel this deeply, you know? I, um, I'm just so, I'm just so proud of you.

I'm just, I'm just, I'm happy to just walk through this with you. Because I, you know, you've seen me go through this. You've seen me go through such grief. And I would go through it all over again. I told you that the other day. Like I would go through it all over again to just be the woman that I am right now. And I, I think about my life. Well, if it just went this way, then, but if it couldn't have been any other.

way. I had to go through the grief, the pain, the heartbreak, all of it to become this woman that God has molded me into. And so that's an amazing woman. I can just, I can just tell you that exactly what you said. There must be something so amazing on the other side. Do you have anything else you want to say? I really like your hair. Thank you. A lot. I'm going to go lighter. And I think I'm going to go darker. Wow. I like you darker. I like me darker too. It's just I have some extensions in that are super, super light. And so I have to like have the rest of my hair match it. But I wish I had your exact color right now. Girls, am I right? We went through to cry. This is what we do. You guys have no idea. This is what we do. It's funny. I kept hearing tired on the way here. I just feel like so many of us are

tired. And I promise that it's going to pass. Thank you. That season's going to pass. You're going to, you're going to, you're going to wake up. Things are going to shift. And then sometimes griefs will hit you again. It hit me at home again over the holidays. Oh yeah. What did that feel like? I think that I sometimes I preach like God's ways are so much better than our ways. Thy will be done. His will be done. You know what I mean? Like I he has good, good plans for you.

And I'm like, where are they? You know, I really, I preach that message and I know that message in my bones because of what I've lived through. Yeah. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I have. these desires and it doesn't change the fact that I'm in my 30s and I get scared. It doesn't change the fact that I really want to be a mom and I look around and all my friends of kids and I don't. Yeah. And so sometimes panic hits me. Sometimes grief hits my heart and can I ask what it felt like? Like what is it like when the grief comes over you? Because grief

is such an interesting thing. It's weird. It's, it's, there's different, there's different kinds of grief. Um, I feel like breakup grief is almost sometimes harder because the person is still alive than if somebody dies. Yeah. Um, I think grief for me at first looked different from what it is now. Sometimes I couldn't even like it out of bed for days. I looked dead in my eyes. Sometimes it hits, I wrote this in our devotional, but sometimes it hits you so hard

that you feel like you can't come up from it. Like you can barely breathe. And then it's like a wave. Like it's like a tidal wave that comes over you. Yeah, literally. And then the current goes away and you can breathe easy again. And like, so that's what grief is. It comes and it goes.

Sometimes you can't get out of bed and sometimes you feel so good. And then you'll be at a red light. and you'll see something or a song will come on. I think I talked about this in the last episode and it hits you and it can ruin your day sometimes. Wow. And grief, when you lose someone, it could be lifelong

and it's something you learn to live with. Yeah. But there's such beauty and grief because I'm able to connect and see people in a different way than before. I'm able to love more. I'm able to have more compassion for people. Grief is love with nowhere to go.

So it is really beautiful if you think about it. It is. I wrote that in the devotional. Really? It's love with nowhere to go. But yeah, so, yeah, it comes. It came during the holidays. I think the holidays bring up so much.

Oh, yeah, for sure. They bring up so much. And so I would hear something. It's like, you know, when something says, someone says something and it just like triggers you a little bit. And that panic just came on a little bit of like, oh my gosh, okay, I'm 2026. Okay, another year. My birthday just came.

And then when I put the pieces together, I had to heal this past two years. If I, if God didn't keep me in this place, I wouldn't have grown as much as I did. I could, you know, so it all makes sense, but it's still grief. Oh, no. So I was just, no, so I would. I had so many moments of that like panic. Like right now for me, grief feels like loneliness and a little bit of panic. Yeah.

But I'm so full of joy in the season of my life. Truly I am. Like I can say that. Yeah, you really are. You too. I'll get that. I just, I think for me, the one thing I never thought I'd be able to get, I never thought I'd I never thought I would be able to get to a place where I can truly wake up and feel so fulfilled without needing another person. Yeah.

And I talk about that a lot, but I don't think there's anything more satisfying than that. Like, I feel filled. Yeah. I never thought I could get to a place where I wouldn't need someone. And I think when you get to that place, you're, it's a, it's a healing that. you can't break after that. Like when you can truly wake up and feel free and just be okay with the Lord, it's like, yeah, it's real freedom.

It's a gift. It's a gift. And the, that's why they say singleness is a gift. That's why singleness is a gift. So I've really had to go through that process. And that's taken years, many years. And some people may, like some of you guys talking, I mean,

talking some of you guys listening right now, you throw in the towel because like, you're, all right, it's been enough time. but I if I would have like rushed this healing process I would not be this woman I am yeah and I'm really proud of myself like I really am I've never been I've never felt good or proud I've never felt worthy no never never I feel like I'm finally stepped into the woman that God has called me to be and that took a lot of patience and a lot of working through grief a lot of mornings on on my face by myself, on my living room floor, crying out. A lot of crying to my friends, you know, of just being held.

And my friends just holding so much space for me. You are such a, you were the light in my life. Like, you know, the salt and light. Like you, you were that. And that's why it's so, it's just, it's crazy to hear you say this because you have no idea the impact that you've, you've, you know, you've carried in my life of you've held my grief. I love you so much all this time and you loved me and and that's what grief looks like. You just need some good friends to hold you and meet you where you're at.

You never like rushed me or, you know, told me to just trust Jesus. Sometimes I did it, right? Okay. That's why you became my best friend so fast. You would always, I'll give you some advice on what to do to whole grief that you Angela did. God has healed me so much from a... Okay, we talk a lot on here

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I would ask, and I think a lot of us do that when we're going through heartache. You like wring your hands out in anguish and you just like, it's like the, your nervous system is in such a state of shock and your brain goes into survival mode so you like, so you self-blame and you ask the same question. I went through that for years. And so I would look at Angela and I would be like, but, but I would ask her the same question. And she was so, the reason why she became my best friend so quickly, honestly, is because she literally would sit there and act like it was the first time I would ask that question. And she just looked at me like she, there was no judgment with you. Like you, you truly just loved me through that grief.

That's why like, I'll never. never forget it. That's why I like, I'll talk about it every episode on stages because you are that, you are that, were that light and you led me to Jesus by meeting me where I was. Like Jesus did. Jesus didn't rush me in my grief. He didn't like tell me to heal and just trust him. He walked through it. And that's why as people of light, we need to do that too. We need to meet people where they're out. We need to sit with them. We don't need to rush them. Listen to them. I think a lot of people get really impatient with people that are going through grief. I lost a couple friends through my grief journey because they got really impatient.

It's not easy to deal with someone when they're going through grief. It's so true. It's not. And so sometimes people are like, I can't deal with this. They need to move on. They need to go on. But until you go through that deep grief, that's why it's so beautiful. Like, I don't know if you ever lost someone, but it was like you understand.

good. Yeah. And so you just need to be patient with people. Breakup grief is also so universal, too, that it's like the one thing you got to walk. You know, you got to walk the journey with people. And I just feel like, I don't know, there's like nothing better than being there for someone through a breakup. I feel like it's just because it's such a universal thing where everybody knows what it's like and everybody knows. Like, it's just.

Yeah. And you know what's so cool, too, about. grief and like going through breakups there's this like vulnerability that you cultivate because that you don't have any ego yeah you're so low you have such this like humility you become like a child right i became like a little girl where i just needed love and i needed to talk and so it opened myself up to be able to cultivate these friendships so true that's why we became so close it's just like nothing bonds you more than grief. Like it's just not like trauma bonding in an unhealthy way, but like there's just when you get to be there for something, I think that's also what I'm learning in this

season too is like I struggle so much with asking for help. I struggle so much with asking for support because I just don't want to feel like a burden ever. And I've just like realized so much that the way that I want to be there for other people, people want to be there for me too. people want to show up. Like, it's an honor for people to be there. Like, it was an honor for me to be there for you through the beginning of us being friends. Like, that was my favorite. Like, I love, I also have a savior complex.

That's not good. But, you know, like, there's nothing better than, um, I love being there for people. So I'm just going to assume that other people want to be there for me too. You know what I mean? Like, I would say sorry to her all the time. I'm like, I just want to say like how sorry I am for that. where I was such a mess. Like and she will look at me and she'll be like, huh?

I'm like, I just like remember I don't know if I have memory lost, but you, I remember the beginning of our friendship being the best like I had the time of my life. Like I had this best time with you. That's crazy. And so I don't even remember you going through anything. Is that weird? I don't remember like you even through your grief. I will say though even through your your grief.

You were just like the most joyful, insanely funny person down for a good time. Ari would be so deep in grief and I would take her to Pilates with me. Yeah, because I had this girl come and swoop me up. I was so lonely. And then I, and then God sends me her and she's like, she like got me. I was like, anything you did, I'd be like, okay, let's go. Well, I mean. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar.

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Sampler pack includes all three. And right now, IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off IQ products. All IQ bar products including the ultimate sampler pack plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text GGB to 64,000. That's GGB to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. I don't even know how in your deepest grief you were able to go to like workout classes with me.

Because I was just so happy to be half a friend like you and be with you. So when we first met, you guys know this. But when Ari and I first met, I was in the height of like my honestly like disordered eating. Like I was. I can't believe I had no idea. I was on the carnivore. carnivore diet, I was like, I went through this period, like the OCD was bad, the hyperfixations on food was bad. I have a lot more freedom now. You guys know this, but I went through this period

when Ari and I first became friends. First I was carnivore diet. So beef, lots of beef, eaten beef all day. I make her beef. And I didn't know that she was this way. So she thought I just really liked beef. Like she didn't know why I would make her beef with feta cheese and she'd be like, like good. I did anything she said. I made her eggs with feta cheese. You would be like, and then like leave them on the plate.

And I'd be like, huh, she's not hungry. And then I then had a hyperfixation on getting poultry from the farmer's market, from the butcher. I would pick her up every day, same time. I didn't know that this kid just wanted a friend. I thought she was also interested in what I was interested in. No, she just wanted to come along with. for the ride. I'd pick her up. We'd go to the Grove in LA. We'd go to the farmer's market.

We'd get, I would be like truly, you guys don't understand. I'd be so excited to go to the butcher. And she'd probably, you probably were like, what is wrong with this chick? Like, she's so weird. I loved it. I was so passionate about this, this chicken. So we'd get raw chicken. Every single day, we'd go to Ari's house and then I'd make it for us. And I was just like, this is so cool. like we have all the same interests when really she just wanted a friend and it was so that was truly the best time and i made her eat chicken and then i remember you'd be like anj do you think we could like have a steak today and i'd be like no no i think it's best we go to the butcher i was like okay chicken again i am so you have to say i'm so involved from that now like who was that i was like

honestly we should probably get back on that that chicken and carrot schedule. Yeah. Because that was... Chicken and carrots. It's what it was. Chicken and carrots. I enjoyed every second.

I'm wearing Pilate socks right now. I got my belly slap. Why are we wearing the same outfit? Belly flaps. The bobsy twins. Can we get back to that? Yeah. Can we make chicken and carrots this weekend?

Yes, I think we should. We, um, her, me and Ange had a little weekend together. And I just kept looking at her thinking. because it's like we haven't really it's been so crazy with tour and then we're exhausted in the i like live a little bit further now i live somewhere else so it's like her and i like really bonded this weekend and it was so sweet just it felt like old times well because for the first two years of our friendship we had sleepovers every single day of our lives um super healthy It made to

It was really nice We sat on the beach together You guys should do that That was really healing Yeah Being on the beach Reading the word on the beach We like pushed ourselves out of the house

We sat on the beach We brought our Bibles We prayed together We just talked to God together Prayed for each other Read some Psalms Little Isaiah here little Isaiah there little Isaiah 43 46 listen don't you always feel so good after a little cry it's

there's not listen I'm I'm just going to tell you you ask what does grief feel like there were when I first went through my grief I just want you guys to know you're not alone I actually felt like I was going to die it wasn't just about the brie I mean I was I literally experienced loss after loss after loss compounded losses that you hadn't dealt with in the last one. And so when there's a breaking point, it's so much more than just a breakup. Deaths, loss of job, financial burden, like all of that loss and just like getting it all stripped from you. I mean, I was so done.

Yeah. Like I, and I know so many people that battle that were there like, I can't live anymore. Like I feel done. And I want to let you know that you're. you're like you are not alone. There are moments where you feel like, how am I going to make it through the day? Like, I can't do this anymore.

Like the fight is, it's too much. You're going to feel so tired to the point where like, you're just rotting in bed for days. And I just want to let you know that it is going to get better. It is going to get better. Galatian 6'9, do not grow weary because there a harvest on the other side when you don't give up. And like not giving up doesn't mean like get up and be happy and all these things.

Sometimes not giving up just looks like baby steps every single day. But I love that we talk today about just trust Jesus because so many people feel like I just You just can't spiritually bypass pain. Like you can't just put a spiritual. This episode is sponsored by Better. help. Guys, we've been thinking a lot about how every new year comes with this pressure to become like a whole new person. But honestly, most of us don't need a new version of ourselves. We just need a less burdened version. A version that's not carrying around the same fear, perfectionism, old pressure,

or whatever that thing is that keeps weighing you down. For me, I've been learning to let go of the pressure that I have to have everything figured out all the time. And the more awareness I have around it, genuinely, the lighter I feel. And that's why therapy matters. It gives you an outside perspective that helps you understand your motivations, your patterns, and your relationships in a way that you can't always see on your own. And what I love about BetterHelp is that they work with fully licensed therapists who follow a strict code of conduct. And they make the matching process simple so you can focus on your actual goals. You just fill out a short questionnaire. And with over 12 years of experience and one of the strongest match fulfillment rates in the industry,

they typically get it right the first time. And if not, you can switch therapists anytime from their tailored recommendations. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists and has helped more than 5 million people with an average live session rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million reviews. BetterHelp makes it so easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. You can sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash girls gone Bible. That's better h-elp.com slash girls gone Bible. like banner over some over deep suffering. And it's good to remind people to trust Jesus. I keep asking people like, remind me who Jesus is.

Talk to me about him. Like, just remind me who he is. I need to be reminded because it's a little convoluted and confusing right now in my head. And so it's good to hear the truth about who God is, of course. But also, you just don't need to feel. I think our point in saying the trust Jesus thing is you don't need to feel bad when you are in survival mode, deep grief, burnout or like deep tragedy that like trust Jesus isn't working. That's actually normal if it's not working and that's okay. And you will get to a place, point blank period where it starts to feel true to you again.

And it's okay if it doesn't feel true right now. It's okay if in moments it doesn't feel like the truth that that Jesus is has a great plan for your life or that he will work all things together for good. Like we know that that's truth and it doesn't always feel that way. And the one thing that helps me, I literally, this is like a practical thing that I do when I find myself in a swirl of lies and like confusion and like, oh my gosh, this is how am I going to get out of this? I'm never going to get better. and things are really, really bad right now. Whenever I feel that, I always, I remember, I don't know who I heard say it one time, where it's just like there's like our current reality and then there's a heavenly

perspective right above it. And like whenever we're looking at our current reality, which is totally normal, that's why we have moments where we lose faith because if we always stayed in our heavenly perspective, of course you'd have faith. But the second you put your eyes down here and you're in the natural, things don't look good here. most of the time for a lot of people. And that's completely normal. And what I've learned through everything I've ever been through is that I don't need to have shame for looking at the natural and being like, oh, shoot. This does not fill my heart with faith right now. However, what has been so helpful

is whenever I find myself stuck in this reality, in the natural, my current circumstance, the pain that I'm in, the confusion that I'm facing and just like all this whole swirl of lies and mess. It's almost like I literally, I'll do this. I'll like actually like pretend I'm like rising above it and I'll look above and it feels like I remember the promises of God. And it's like me and Jesus lock eyes and I'm like, okay, you are here and you are doing something and I can trust that. And I do that so many times a day where I'll be down here and then I look up and I see Jesus.

And I'm like, okay, he is up to something. He's doing something. There has to be good in this. It is the promise of God that no matter what you're doing or no matter what you're going through, there is good that will come out of it, period. And I can speak to that from experience because I've gone through so much of it in my life. And I read something the other day that was like, um, all, whenever you ask somebody, uh, Like what is your most of the time whenever somebody has had like insane spiritual transformation or an insane life change and you ask them they will talk about their suffering like almost all the time when you ask someone what brought you to this point of like insane faith and a life laid down for Jesus like what brought you to that point they almost always say it was suffering.

I can test. It is the vehicle a lot of the time by which we enter into great faith. And so whoever needs to hear that, that whatever you're facing is your vehicle to an amazing, fiery great faith. And I'm talking to myself too, even if it feels nothing like that right now, you just have to endure. We just have to endure. You just have to get to the other side of it because what did Kamala say? And you weep in the night, joy come in the morning. And I can tell you, I said this to Angela, if I had to go back and go through everything all over again,

and I went through pain that felt like I was not going to survive it, I would go through it all over again. And that's some deep pain just to become the woman that I am today. So good. And I can point back to every single moment. And it was only through the grief, the suffering, God taking away certain things in my life that I can point to those moments and say you were there and you're real. And I would not know him as healer, as my father, as the God that sees me. if I did not go through all of the hardships, the pain, the grief, the moments where I couldn't pick myself up off the floor, if I didn't go through all that.

And it's like, I go back to those moments of the grief on my floor. And I'm like, wait a minute, you picked me up in that moment. Yeah. Where I couldn't breathe and he helps me breathe easy again. And I'm just like that I look, it was only through those moments where I saw, God, Jesus. Yeah. And so I'm just so grateful for the heartbreak, the pain, the grief.

I'm so grateful for it all. And I would, I just would not be this woman of a faith and perseverance and character. I would not have the character and the boldness and authority that I have if I didn't go through it. And so, I just, I'm just going to, I'm just going to say. friends, friends, friends, community. Yeah. It's really hard to sit in isolation when you are battling. Yeah.

I'm, you guys know I'm from Massachusetts. I have a best friend whose sister committed suicide. She was going through so much grief that she just, she couldn't take it anymore. And one of the things that the enemy does is when we're in isolation, it's he attacks the mind. I've seen it in my own family. And so one of the greatest blessings that we have is each other to carry us, to hold up our arms when we can't sit up straight or see straight. And so you surround yourself with people. You surround yourself with friends.

You have people pray over you when you can't speak the scriptures. You have them pray truth over you. You have them read the Bible to you when you can't see straight and read. It's crucial when we are sitting in pain and grief. community people. Find your people. Love. Yeah. And people want to be there for you. That's the anybody who's listening who feels like people like they don't want to be a burden.

People want to be there for you. The right people. People want to grieve with you. They want to carry your burdens. They want to share with you what you're going through. So just find your people. Pray for those people. I think Jesus for my people. Like I thank Jesus for him first and then for the people who help heal a heart that they didn't break truly. Those are, anyways, that's a different episode. But I think that, but I think that's another great thing about grief is it can, it causes a hunger in you. You can either go, I could have went two ways. I could have sat in isolation and honestly took my life.

Yeah. I could have. Because you were in isolation. I was in isolation. I at that time everybody had had moved away so I had nobody and I'm in my little studio apartment and I could have being in that dark apartment and in my my thoughts eating me alive I mean I could have I could have went a whole different way and a lot of people do or you can fight which I did and and and God gave me strength he will give you strength and it causes a hunger in you because this is what God intended for you and the The relationships, the friendships that I've cultivated through my grief will be with me.

You know, look at, look at what, look at my life. If like, I'm not a seat of faith for you guys. I don't know what is. And I can't believe it. Like I, the friends that I have, the people God brought into my life. And so let that grief drive you hunger to seek friendships, to go to church, to join community groups. Please let it drive you to other people. Because on the other side of your grief, it is a life full of harvest and joy and light.

And you'll be a testimony for so many. So good. Guys, we love you so much. Thank you for being with us today. This was very unexpected. We love you so, so deeply. Thanks for being on this journey with us. Thanks for being on this journey with me.

We really would love to know in the comments. comments what your grief journey has been like or what you did for your grief or just what it's been like, uh, you know, yeah, just what it's been like in your grief. If you're currently in grief, if you've, if you've overcome grief, we want to celebrate that. Like please just we're obsessed with reading comments. We love when you guys comment. We literally read every single one. So if you could comment just what you're going through or what you've overcome and how we're in this together, we want to hear that. So thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me Come on here and be completely undone.

I don't think I would have been able to do today, if not. And I don't know what I would do without you guys. This space, Girls Gone Bible means the world to me and to both of us. And I can't thank you enough. You guys have given me so much strength and confidence and love and joy. Thank you, Jesus, for this ministry. Thank you, Jesus for my sister. Thank you, Jesus for all of you guys.

but we love you so so much and then below if you guys could write like a prayer chain what do you we can all pray for each other too yeah that's amazing yeah i love we love you guys so much thank you be the lord bless you and keep you may he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you may he turn his face towards you and give you peace shalom shalom shalom true shalom I'll be so much.