Girls Gone Bible - Cheating, Divorce & Complete Redemption w/ Toni Collier | Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Hiiii GGB! In this episode we sit down with our girl, Toni Collier to talk about her wildly beautiful story. She’s walked through infidelity, divorce, and so much more in her life. And the redemptive nature of Jesus is the thread throughout it all is so clear. A powerhouse for the kingdom, WE LOVE HER! Tonijcollier.com/notalone we love you so much. Jesus loves you more. -Ang & Ari ORDER OUR NEW BOOK! You can order our new book “Out of the Wilderness— 31 Devotions to Walk with God Through Your Hardest Seasons” at girlsgonebible.com/book JOIN US ON GGB+ 🥹❤️ https://ggb.supportingcast.fm COME SEE US ON TOUR:  Tickets for our tour are now on sale. Go to www.GirlsgoneBible.com/tour October 16, 2025 San Francisco, CA October 25, 2025 Morristown, NJ October 26, 2025 Patchogue, NY November 14, 2025 Atlanta, GA December 6, 2025 Los Angeles, CA  Beam Visit https://shopbeam.com/GGB and use code GGB to get our exclusive discount of up to 35% off. Smalls Human-grade, fresh cat food delivered straight to your door. Go to Smalls.com/GGB to get 60% off your first order + free shipping. Brooklyn Bedding Transform your sleep with award-winning mattresses made in the USA. Use code GGB at BrooklynBedding.com for 30% off. NOCD Personalized, evidence-based therapy for OCD from licensed professionals. Schedule a free 15-minute call with their team at https://learn.nocd.com/ggb Olive & June Salon-quality nails from home made easy with the Olive & June system. Everything you need for a flawless at-home manicure. Get 20% off your first system at OliveandJune.com/GGB. WE LOVE YOU AND CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!

How many kids do you have? I have two whippersnappers. Girls? Whippersnackers? Can I see a... An adult. Okay, in her mind. What did you call it?

Girlie pop up? Wait, I said whippers it up for the other day. No. You would love. She is like... She's tall. Is she real? Oh, yeah.

How old is she? She's 11. She's in Greece for a week right now with her dad. She is living her best and mesqueless life. She's like, that's it. I'm moving, girl. I'm like, did she talk like that?

Yes, all the time. So you had her, because you're 34. Okay, so yeah, I had her at 22, 23. Yeah. And then I had my son three years ago. He's just massive. I don't even know where he got the height from, actually. But he's massive.

He's three. And he's so cute. Like, he's introverted, so it's just precious. But he's super rough and fearless. Yeah. Oh, I love. He's like a boy's jumping off of stuff. But then with people, he's like.

So it's just, hi. You have them at the perfect age. now they're growing up. Oh, it's great. And you have to be friends. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's obsessed with her. Like, I'm obsessed with him, but then he's obsessed with her.

Yeah. Sissy. I want to wake Sissy up. To have you a boy and your girl. I'm going to be like Sarah, probably. Having my kid in 90. I'm just kidding. Just kidding.

It's going to be great. Kind of, maybe. I know. I think I'm done. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever get remarried again because all men are dead to me. But I was about to ask, you're a single parent. I'm a single mama. So I was married with Dylan's dad.

Yeah. And he just was. violent. Very, very violent. So when she was one, we literally packed all of our bags up and left. Hi. Packed all our bags up and left. Stayed with another single mama. Wow. And then I didn't think I was going to get married again. Met a pastor. Thought this was like my Cinderella story. I'm like, this is it, guys. I'm like super saved now. I'm never going to curse again. And when was this? Oh, 2016. Okay. Am I right about this? Yes. 2016. And he worked for North Point Ministries.

I mean, I was like, y'all, I hit the jackpot, you know? Like, he's the pastor, pastor. Yeah. Our second year of marriage, I found out he had a porn addiction. He was hiring women for sexual favors, y'all. And then I would say, I just was really isolated, and I was nervous to tell my parents and my friends, and then I didn't want to go through another divorce. So I was like, we should go on a healing journey together and just try to amend it.

And so I thought we were kind of on this healing journey. And then two years ago, I was in Nashville filming with TBN. and I got a call from him that he was being extorted by a prostitute because he never stopped I thought he did the light always comes to darkness every single time and in what you got a phone call so he called so long story short he hired someone um it was transgender prostitute that's another I don't even know and he's a pastor he's a pastor and I guess they got a video of him and so they were using this video to extort him and he sent it's like ten thousand dollars and then they threatened to come to our church

because we had planted a church. We planted Hillsong Atlanta. So we were the first African-American pastors with Hillsong. Wow. And you were the lead pastors? Yeah. Wow. We go first African-American global lead pastors.

We left North Point to go to Hillsong. And then Hillsong stuff blew up. Literally six days after they announced us, the Carl Lent stuff came out. We were like, People Magazine. We don't know anything. We just got here. And so we ended up having to leave Hillsong

and have our own church, story church and when we transitioned my ex-husband never put a board back in place and so when everything happened he just got to keep preaching and leading everybody left the church but he just built another staff and and how did how did if you don't mind me ask oh you're here girl it's all on the internet's yeah so you're good right we're good to start yeah yeah okay really quick yeah hi i'm ang and i'm ari and this is girls gone bible we're a faith-based podcast where we talk all things, spirituality, mental health, relationships, everything to do with life. But specifically, we love Jesus.

We love the Word of God. And today we get to have a really special guest. You've already heard a little bit about her. It's our girl, Tony Collier, not Collier. No. No, nothing fancy. Collier, right? Collier.

Oh my gosh, Tony, we love you. Tony's from Atlanta. She's here in Santa Monica visiting. she preached three services at a church yesterday, then drove seven hours to get here. She had no idea. There was going to be seven hours. Wow, how many hours is 389 miles? Wait, I'm dead.

What'd your playlist look like on that seven hour drive? I actually ride in silence, y'all. It's so weird. I'm just like, I have no idea. Because I'm such an extrovert. I don't even know when I get in a car. I'm just like, do you just like mad? Like you know I also have ADHD so I'm like oh look at that oh look at that wow I think I

entertain myself totally I love that I love that so there you go um so Tony is an amazing woman of god a preacher an author um a mother a mother a mother a mother a mother you have a large social media presence you impact so many so many so many people with your story with your life uh with your relationship with Jesus you've been through so much in your life yeah um that's why everyone relates to you yeah i know it's great i'm like the trauma girl it's awesome he's like there's a part of my story you can connect with i'm sure yeah i literally watch you and better together and i'm watching you and i'm like i want to be her friend and i literally messaged her and i was like hi hi what are you doing so inspired by it's so crazy watching you

because i think we're we kind of like bleed out but like watching someone on the outside I was like being real like that you makes people I felt less alone in my pain in my journey when I watched you I was like I want to be her friend and message you right away I was like let's go to dinner what are you doing it breaks the mold of just like the Christian archetype of having a perfect life where everything goes exactly as planned and like whose life how many people's life actually turns out like that zero percent I'd like to report it zero Yeah. And so it's so I can't imagine how many people you've set free just by being honest about how things have gone and about where you've been and the things you've walked through.

So we are so excited to have this conversation. It's going to be a really good one. Can we continue where we were? Yeah, come on, girl. Let's just keep it moving. And this is an honest girl who I love that about you already. Oh, yeah. Well, it's so funny because yesterday I was preaching and a woman came out to me And she was like, I have a broken crayon still color tattoo. And I was like, yes, girl, you better tattoo that on your body. And she was like, at first I was like, do I get broken tattooed on me? Maybe I should get like hopeful crayons still color, you know? And I told her, I was like, no, I actually have a tattoo on my foot.

It says broken because I want to remind myself that I am so deeply flawed. That I'm imperfect and wired for struggle. And, and I've been using more and less butts, and I'm still so worthy of love and belonging. and I think it means more when you can admit that you're imperfect. Like when we're friends with like the perfect Patty, I usually call them like Susan because Susan's usually pretty nice.

You know what I'm saying? She smiles all the time. She's bringing the charcutory to the party. Like it's so easy to love her. You almost want to like buck at her just to see if she'll hit you, you know? Because she's so kind and nice. Like those people, we love them.

And it's so easy to love them. But when you got a little baggage, you know all that know that one friend. yeah and you say i still want to invite you to the party i still want you in the room like you can tell it means more so if we are more honest about all of our stuff because we just all have stuff i just wonder how much more it would mean for someone to look at us and be like i may accept you or me too i see your pain i just think it means more wow yeah well that is so special and it's so true yeah every i love that um do you mind

if we continue on. I mean, we want to know your story. We want to know how you found Jesus. Oh, I love that. I mean, there's just so many different little points, but I do, I love the question how I found Jesus because I do think when I first said yes to Jesus, I was kind of like one foot in, one foot out. Like, I'm a wild girl at the end of the day. I still am. Okay, like that has not changed. I still think about doing wild things sometimes, you know? What's different is that I've got the barrier of holiness surrounding me, right? And so, but I mean, I was a wild girl for a long time. But you grew up parents, parents, Christian.

Yeah, they was Christian. We went to a Catholic church. I barely went. Okay, I barely went. I just was a rebel. Like, three older brothers, youngest girls, so spoiled. And my mom was very sick growing up. And my dad was really verbally abusive. So he was an alcoholic. He has since stopped drinking

and God has redeemed our relationship. It's beautiful. But I grew up in a lot of pain. I was sexually abused as a little girl. Lost my virginity at 13. started drinking alcohol wine coolers at 14 and 15 drugs partying to numb all that pain and so at 21 when I was like in a church and I was at an altar call I'm like what is this I probably was a little bit high honestly and I just had this crazy encounter with the Lord where he showed me my whole life all the partying all the drunk driving all the crashing cars I mean y'all truly I should not be alive and how he protected me the whole way how he had angel army surroundings surrounding me, and I never knew it. So at 21, I was like, yes, Jesus, but also I kind of want to curse a little bit. And I want to live crazy.

So for me, salvation was awesome. It was sanctification that was missing. There wasn't a discipleship model at the church I was at. And so I would always say, I said yes to Jesus at 21, but I was a fan of God, not a follower. And then at 25, I went through my first divorce. I was scared. I was nervous. I was really pleading with the Lord to show up.

And that's when I really changed my whole life. gosh we have so many parallels in our stories really really reminds me a lot yeah same like find Jesus get wrecked by God yeah sanctification still it's like I had a theology around mental health because my mental health was so horrific same but I did not have a theology around like I thought Jesus saved me from my mental health not that's really good right but like he didn't save me from sin so that was the thing that I wasn't we need to talk about that yeah let's go is this the holy tingle Is this happening right now? No, I love this because I'm a mental health junkie.

I just love how the Lord's designed our brain and how he's designed it to heal and create new pathways that essentially help us cope with different relationships and think I love it. And also, I think we need healing and holiness. And that's hard. Because when you feel more whole, you almost create your own moral compass. You know, like, you're like, no, I respond to people in kind ways. now i'm not as volatile i don't get triggered so much like i'm a good person being a good person is different from being a holy person yeah and and it took me a while but i never put language to that

so that was just so helpful for me there we go because i do think we can get stuck in being good people and not holy people that's we i talk about this all the time i used to get stuck in that a lot too of like i'm a good person but i'm a good person yeah i still have sex but i'm a good person And Jesus, the gospel is nobody's a good person. You better say that. Nobody's a good person. You better say that today. And Jesus never says, like, I want you to be a good person.

He says, I want you to be holy as I am holy. Like, that's good. That's good. That, you know what I mean? That is so good. Guys, we're going to set someone free. Can you talk about holiness? Well, your journey with sanctification.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for me, it was, honestly, it was about environment. Yeah. Like, I just didn't have friends. people, even family. Like, I get how I do drugs and my own brother, you know? Like, I just didn't have people

to help drive home that yes to Jesus is that now I'm a child of God. But that doesn't necessarily mean relationship is there. And I realized that I would go to church on Sunday and belt out every single worship song. Like, I'm louder than the worship leaders.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to be on that front row and I'm going to be harmonizing and then pull me close. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to be a little bit loud and a little bit off key so you can hear me for real. You know what I'm saying? I mean, on the front row. But then Monday through Saturday was empty.

Wow. And I genuinely believed, I'm not kidding you, I really believed I was doing it right. I was like, I go to church, I give, I serve, I volunteer, like, I'm a good human being. I'm super generous. Like, this is awesome. And the Lord is just like, yeah, that's so awesome. you're doing so many great things for my people and for my world. But you've got to start thinking like you're in heaven that Eden is actually on the way.

You're not preparing to be a good person on earth. You're preparing to be a surrendered worshipper in heaven. And that was the defining difference for me. Like, oh, wait, like, I can be a good person and a good mom and a good wife, but I may not be any of those things in heaven, actually. I'm just going to take me with me to worship God. And I will never forget. I can't remember who it is because that part I do forget.

But I was sitting at a retreat and someone said, I remember, it's Louis Giglio. He said, if you have an issue sitting in silence and being with the Lord for an hour, for two hours, then you're really going to be frustrated in heaven. Wow. When all that you do is worship the Father, when all that you hear is holy, holy, holy, you're going to be so irritated. borderline selfish that he's getting all the attention so make yourself prepared now and that means every crevice of my life has to be about him now nuts for heaven unbelievable yeah I know okay guys if you're like me I thought I just didn't have to worry about my hormones but here's the

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like hey making so many good decisions with a guy I met three months before oh you found married after three months girl knew this man for three months he was like I'm moving to Atlanta from Texas I want to be an R&B singer and I was like I'm going to home boy let's go I wasn't even done with college my parents were so mad really I was supposed to go to law school and all the things I graduated and I was a little a little bit of a nerd. I graduated high school in three years at 16. And then I graduated college at three years at 19. And so I was going off to law school. I would have had my law degree 21, 25, been set for the rest of my life. Met this guy. And I was like, I'm going to leave because I'm going to be a wife now and messed around and moved from Texas to Georgia. And honestly,

our dating relationship was pretty good. But when we moved and shacked on up, it was horrific. So violent okay how long did you guys this is going all sorts of places we're ready time all my 8 ADHD is watching you're right here with us because you're taking it but this is so good okay Ari and I talk about this often yeah there's so much pressure in the Christian community to get married listen I was dating my boyfriend for a year I posted a photo saying that we were together for a year I was bombarded with people saying like it's been a year like no like you like he really like he doesn't even like no commitment zero commitment And so there's this pressure in the Christian community to get married after like a very short amount of time.

I'm not saying that that doesn't work. But for you, your dating relationship is perfect because you don't know each other. Then you get married. Talk to us about what you feel. Oh, man. Well, first of all, let me just say this. My picker is broken. Okay.

I am clearly not whatever enough to pick the right man at this point. but I say that because I think for many of us it's time for us to admit that for some of us we're actually not ready to pick the right guy and I didn't want to admit that I'm like no no no I got it I'm good to go but when I look back in my past the examples I had were not godly men who treated you with kindness

who spoke with you with kindness who respected your body and the decisions you want to make for God for it like I didn't have any of that as an example so to think that I was equipped to choose a husband was just naive and immature. And I do think you get into a relationship and especially in the church, man, where it's like you gotta hurry up and get married

because you know you're gonna mess around and have sex. So you've got that in your head, you're like, okay, let me hurry and get married to this person and I barely even know I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. And then you have no time to see them in the seasons. Yeah. And that's what, again, like I wanna say,

my picker's broken, I'm healing it right now. So I'm not talking about this from a place of authority, more so a place of conviction because I've done it wrong twice and so and for those of you with no context I've been married and divorced twice all before 32 and so I know that you get into these situations and you just believe like I've got to move fast I've got to lock this down there aren't that many men left in the world like I've got to hurry up and I just think when we allow anything from culture to drive us we're doing it wrong. Lord, what do you say?

Like, he's going to tell you, first of all. He's going to tell you the timing. He's going to place impressions on your heart about this person. He's even going to give you red flags that you'll probably ignore. Yeah. And did you realize this being in this season of singleness? Because you've been single for how long now? Two years?

And has that? And how transformed me too. That's the longest of my whole life. Me too. Me too. Oh, okay. I'm in therapy right now. But do you feel like this has been so transformative.

like was it crucial for you to be single and do you feel pressure oh yeah because you're 34 yeah how do you feel right now at 34 do you feel the weight or how do you feel i feel like i'm 62 i want to just put that out there i've lived all the life i have slept with everybody's son i have i mean she's so real like maybe what else do i need to do i didn't have no i she's so real y'all i did a sole tie ceremony Wait. Wait. I did so many soul ties ceremonies. Listen, I was at this retreat with the women way more holier than I am. I know it for sure. Okay. And they gave us a little booklet. And they said, here's what we want you to do. We want to take these sheets. We're going to write down everyone you have had nasty things with. Okay. Anything. And don't be trying to play around. Anything. Whatever body part you used, write it down. Okay.

And you were like, no. And they were like, you guys have two hours to be with the Lord. For each person, you're going to write out this prayer or something like that. And they were like, and then we'll see you guys back here for dinner at five. I say, excuse me, can we push dinner to six? Because I'm going to need a little more time with my sheet. I can't write that fast. I mean, my goodness.

So I say all that to say, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I think because I didn't, okay? I did not miss out. I didn't. I've been married. I didn't have two weddings. Okay. I got two kids genuinely. Okay. All jokes aside, I feel more myself than I have ever been in my whole life. And it is because I have grown up with lots of insecurities around body image and all the things, but also like just a recovering people pleaser, a chameleon. I can be all things to all people. And I think when you get in a relationship, it's so important. The world makes it so important that you become who that person needs.

And I have shapeshifted and changed in relationships so much to please a man, which is I look back now and I'm like, I do feel, I don't feel shame, but I do feel embarrassment. Same. That I guess I really believed that I wasn't worthy. I think I really genuinely believe that I wasn't worthy for love, belonging, acceptance. I don't actually believe that I was beautiful. I used to even say, I was like, oh my gosh, I was so fugly. like you know I used to talk about myself like that you know and I'm like I'm sorry I love you fuck me and I can't take it I'm sorry it just comes out it's hard it's the best day of my life

say this all the time my friends are like stop saying it's the best day of your life it's every day I'm like you're like me we're hypopolic every day is the best day every day last night was the seven hour drive okay um but I just I look back now and I'm so sad for 13 year old Tony. I'm so sad for 19 year old Tony for 21 year old Tony walking down the aisle

and her dad saying you don't have to do this. Like I just feel so much empathy and compassion towards her because she just didn't know. She didn't know that there was a savior

who called her worthy and like who designed her and knitted her together who made her so special. I didn't know. And all of that energy drove me to thinking the abundant life is a life with a man and it's just not thank you for saying that so many people

in their waiting season they're like I'm just hurry up and I'm like this is the most transformative time of your life I'm frolicing around like a telotubby I know this is the best you know guys know any of downs any of downs one of my favorites she was at think conference last year I think it was um with rebecca and Gabe Lyons and she posted this real and she was like like I for every single person out there and for me in that time is like I'm like tell us speak to us please she's like for some reason somewhere along the way someone made us believe that there wasn't an abundant life with being single wow yeah but the abundant life is for all of us and the abundant path that God has for us and how he's shaping it is abundant and it doesn't it's just for

you abundance is just for you and it doesn't need anyone else oh wow let's go right out girls I mean singleness is is so tough and really really difficult for most women but the truth is if you do get to experience a life of abundance while being single

you've experienced something that most people never do yeah and like women who are a little bit older and who are still single and like actually get to a point where they like believe that life can be abundant without a man they've experienced something that other people never will. And you know what's interesting, and y'all know this now because you're on tour,

you're hearing all these stories. Oftentimes, I'm not saying I'm 100% accurate, but after about 35 or 40, the women that I speak to that are single, it's like something happened to them and they unlock to freedom. It's more so in your 20s and 30s when you're always like, I'm running out of time.

I'm running out of time. I've got to find someone. But around like 37, 40, the women that I talk to have been like, no, I get it now. I never actually really needed this. There's something about it. It's so weird. I'm thinking through all the stories I've listened to,

even our friends like Annie F. Downs and all these different people with platforms, around 3740, they're like, what was I trying so hard for? Wow. So interesting. And it all comes from something that happened in childhood when we didn't get the validation, affirmation, or protection we needed for a man. and then we spend the rest of our lives looking for it looking for it in the and and here's the other thing i do think it's okay for us to long for it yeah i i think that when we're longing and looking

it's the place that we're looking that's the issue because longing for intimacy i long for intimacy when i first got my divorce because i was like i'm sleeping in the middle of my bed no one's holding me i have not gotten touched intimately except for when my son licked my elbow that one time like You know, and I can remember a morning when I was writing in my journal and I had my Bible, had my little journal, and I was just like, I'm so sad. I want to be kissed. You know what I'm saying? Like, not with a tongue of a two-year-old. You know what I'm saying?

And I just, I remember the Lord, oh, this is so weird if you're not like in deep, intimate relationship with the Lord. But I just was laying on my pillow and I just felt this like heat on the left side of my body. and like, like, pressing down, like, the Lord was cuddling me. I'm not getting. I would not say this because it's so weird. No, it's not weird. If it wasn't true. And I just am like, oh, I've been longing and looking for intimacy in the wrong place.

I know. It was him all along. It was the Lord all along. He can lavish you. He can show you intimacy. He is not, I mean, he's omniscient. He's omnipresent. He's going to fill every crevice because he can.

And not. Everybody can fill every crevice like he can. I just was longing and looking in the wrong place. Even when you're married, even talk to people who are married. Child, we can talk about a codependency. Yeah. Been there. When you make your husband your savior, that's the issue.

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And trust us, we know how scary and isolating it can be to struggle with them. They can even lead to compulsive behavior like constantly asking for reassurance, punishing yourself for having bad. thoughts or worrying about participating in religious practices like praying incorrectly but here's what changed everything for us learning that these thoughts aren't character flaws or signs of weak faith they might be symptoms of religious OCD also known as scrupulosity OCD is really misunderstood so a lot of people are surprised to learn that it can focus on religion but it's true OCD can latch on to anything you deeply care about including your faith

and when it does it can be devastating but there's hope because with the right kind of therapy, OCD is highly treatable. And that's where NoCD comes in. With NoCD, you can do virtual therapy designed specifically for OCD. Their licensed therapists deeply understand OCD, as well as your faith and how important it is in your life. They'll help you work through these thoughts using exposure and response prevention, or ERP, a type of specialized therapy that's the most proven treatment for OCD. NoCD also accepts many major insurance plans, including United Health Care, Aetna, Cigna, and more,

and provides always on support between your therapy sessions. If any of this sounds familiar, you're really not alone. And noCD can help. Visit nocd.com to schedule a free 15-minute call and learn more. That's nocd.com to learn more and book a free call. So you get divorced the first time. And are you saved at that point? Yes, I'm saved.

I actually started working at a church, but I was kind of like, again, living as a fan, not a follower. And so I was a youth pastor, y'all, at this church. I got ordained. I was like preaching in schools. It was crazy. Ended up going through a divorce and thought my ministry career was over. Like the pastor, they just kind of pushed me to the side.

They were like, okay, you need to not be a part of the church, all the things. And there was no reconciliation. So there's a lot of church heard, very young. So 24 divorced, lost my whole church community. Living with another single mom, I mean, I had nothing. Started working for Girl Scout corporate and thought that was kind of like going to be my thing. I'm helping girls with their identity and it's a good job. You know, like I feel good.

I'm going to rebuild everything. And I ended up getting called to a meeting at Buckhead Church, which is a North Point campus under Andy Stanley. And just for like a meeting about creativity. And I was like, okay, I'll go. I'm down. My ministry career is over, but I'm down. I go to this meeting and I meet my second husband.

And he is just, now that I am aware, he is very predatory. Like my counselor, I had to process through it. I was like, he just loved me so much. He was like, he didn't know you. He actually just loved the idea of you. And he was very assertive and aggressive. He was, I mean, our first time ever hanging out, he was like, I had a dream about you. You're supposed to be my wife.

Love bond. I want to take love. Okay. I had no idea. In my mind, I was Cinderella. I'm like, the Lord has literally saved me from this marriage. I've got a divorce. I'm rebuilding my life.

Now he brought me this pastor guy. He worked for North. point I was like this is amazing he's like I'm going to take care of you and your daughter I'm gonna help you rebuild your whole career like you're called like I'm so God has put me in your life to save you and I'm like yes immediately right away from the the first time we ever hung out he's like I had a dream about you you're supposed to be my wife you have to get on this he's like using metaphors this spaceship with me and do ministry and I'm like yes this still happens a lot by the way so this is so good for people okay good I

I'm glad. I've actually never really talked about that part of our story, but it created this codependency where I was like, I owe him. Well, when you sit, when someone says God told me this. Yep. About you. I mean, we get that all the time. Oh, really? I mean, in our DMs from random stuff, but yeah. Anyways, we love y'all. I know they all are cringing right now watching this. They're like, let me unsend. Right now, if you're watching, just go ahead and do it. Okay, just unsend it right now. It's weird we don't want it okay um yeah because if i get one more hey sister i'm praying for you here's my number liar you can pray without having my number okay um but i didn't realize it i mean honestly for years even after the divorce now that i'm in counseling healing from that marriage and i'm

telling the story in its entirety i'm starting to get these like revelations like oh my gosh like this was a predatory thing like i was too weak to realize like hey you're moving too fast because I really deeply wanted to be saved, honestly. And the truth is, a lot of my career happened because of him. And that's just the truth. He put me on stages like North Point and Orange and all these things. And I know that he opened the doors and God did what he did later, you know, like, but the truth is for years, I felt like I couldn't leave.

I shouldn't leave because I owed him, you know. And so when the infidelity happened year two and I found out about the sex addiction and porn addiction and the women he was hiring and then I found out he was flirting with his assistant and I mean just so many things I just kept saying I can't leave I y'all I would find myself begging him to stay I know oh why I look back and again

I don't have a lot of shame but I am so embarrassed and sorrowful for that girl who just didn't know no you can leave you don't deserve this this is not okay there's no even trade in covenant like he gets to cheat because he's done so much for you no look at you now i know unbelievable i'm so proud of you and do you understand how validating that is for so many women i know women who have been cheated on and then beg the man to stay so because they don't have security yeah and jesus and it's the most devastating thing you entered into covenant and you guys promised to be with each other

forever this is the person that you are you have swore to spend the rest of your life with and then as a woman you get cheated on and then you have to make the horrific decision to like do I leave or do I stay but I promise to be with this person just because they did what they did doesn't mean that I am going to break the covenant you were married at this point yes so we got married very quickly I mean again y'all I mean I remember we were like dating for like three months And he was like, hey, like, I think you've got a lot of trauma. I think you have two choices here. Like, I can either, like, journey with you on this.

And I can make a commitment to you and get married so that you know I'm for real and I'm here. Or, like, you know, you can go on a healing journey for a year, but I can't promise that I'll be here. And so I'm like, I got to marry this guy. So we get a loked after three months of knowing each other. And it was just like round two of like, where were the people at? And I mean, this is why I'm so, it's community. This is why I'm talking about community so much now because when I look back in my story, I'm like, I didn't talk to anybody about it.

I was just going to ask you. I didn't have any close friends that I said, hey, do you think this is a good idea? You didn't have anyone in your life that said, hey, guys, you just, but what about him? He's a pastor. He doesn't have people around him. No, no. I, yeah, no. Well, you have a book. Don't try this alone.

Yeah. And truly what we're talking about is the reason why I wrote it. Right. Because I do think we make so many mistakes in isolation. So many. That's the core of GGB, like community, sisterhood, friendship, brotherhood. So get into it. Yeah.

So don't try this alone. The subline is how to build deep community instead of hiding from your pain. Like, and that's the hard part. It's like I was in pain. I was embarrassed. I've got this guy that's like, oh my gosh, I'm going to change your whole life. I'm going to help save you. And I think I'm making all the right decisions.

But there's no accountability. There's no people. And over these last two years, I just think the Lord has in his kindness and grace and mercy has brought me to a point of so much pain, so much public embarrassment, that he said, I'm going to make sure that you need people this time, that you actually won't be able to do it alone so that you can see that I designed you to be connected. And I did not design you to live this life alone. And everything is going to be better this time because you're going to do it with other people,

with other God-fearing people that love you and want to hold you accountable. And that's what the book is. It is showing people how to build deep community when you want to hide from your pain. Like how to do it. Because we need those one, two, three steps. We need to transition people, some of us.

Like some of us have friends in circles that they should not be in and we need to transition them to safer places because we can't heal in the place or with the people that broke us in the first place. And it's all of that. It's just talking about how God's designed us and why we're supposed to lean into people.

Wow. I know. It's been the best. How did friendships, starting friendships look after the betrayal? Yeah. And even all the church hurt. Yeah. So I'm a tellotubby for real, for real.

Like, on the inside, I'm pretty sure there's rainbow skittles. Okay? That's what it is. The Lord has made me that way. I love people. I love to be around people. I always have. And so I do think I have an advantage because of my wiring.

I am like an extreme extrovert. And betrayal is difficult because when you are betrayed, your first instinct is to hide from other people and to label other people as potential betrayers. That's the instinct. This is how I'm going to protect myself. And when we go to Jesus and we look at his life, we see that he, first of all, surrounded himself with 12 people that he didn't even need to surround himself. with. Jesus could have done all that he did here on earth by himself, but he chose imperfect humanity

to do it with because, again, he's modeling to us that he designed us for connection. Out of the 12, 2 would betray him and he knew it. He's all knowing. So he knew Judas was going to get ratchet and be crazy, a little rat, okay? A little rat, all right? And he also knew that Peter would deny that he even knew him. How many times, you know, in high school? where it's like we're besties and you get in front of someone else and your best friend's like no I don't know her she's lame yeah like that's betrayal and knowing that he's still pressed into community because I think Jesus knew that the beauty of the 10 was worth fighting for even with the betrayal of the two and that's the posture I'm taking and I have taken into this next season

and I'm telling people to take yes you've been hurt they don't get to have your future yeah They don't get to keep you from good, beautiful relationships. That will save you when you need it. Truly save you when you need it. Y'all, I have seen the tangible presence of the Acts Church, giving of everything so that everyone has everything that they need. Like, I have seen it, I have tasted it, I've witnessed it these past two years. My whole entire house was furnished by my friends. Furns are everything.

I had to move me and my kids and my nanny, which was crazy in like two weeks. And I walk into this house. And I'm not going to lie, I love an aesthetic, a black and white Scandinavian vibe, okay? And I couldn't afford it. I was divorced. I took break from stage. I wasn't making any money.

Like, I was going to have an empty home until I put my pride down. Wow. And said, all right, I'm not the strong friend this time. I don't get to create the Amazon wish list. Someone else has to do it for me this time. And that's hard. I'm a worker. I value being strong.

I'm resilient. I have grit. I love it. I'm built for tough. I'm from Texas. You know? And I couldn't. I couldn't furnish my own house.

Yeah. And that is embarrassing. And when I sit down on my couch with my kids, I'm reminded that my best friend Ashley got it for us. when I see my son rolling around like a little wet baby seal on her rug is from my friend Lindsay when I lay in my bed I'm reminded that it's from my friend Jen my two side tables from my friend Deborah Filetta my mirror is from my friend Lisa Whittle my whole entire daughter's bedroom was furnished by Jackie Hill Perry like I may not have the most beautiful we have baby blue walls are so ugly

are so ugly I may not have the most beautiful and lavished home but I have a loved home and that means more and it just required me to be humble enough to say we need help friends are everything I'd be dead without my friends I say that all the time I they're everything everything reflections of Jesus and Voskamp says they're Jesus with skin on like yeah we get to see the fullness of unconditional love through the people that we decide to share life with What? Can I ask you something? Yeah.

When you first met your husband, you said you didn't have many friendships. Yeah. Can I ask why? I was in a season where I knew that I had to transition from some friendships. I didn't replace them. So because I wanted to stop partying and drinking, they're just, I couldn't be around my party friends anymore. I couldn't be around my friends that were drinking. I mean, the truth is, even if I was around the Nepal, it would have been like,

girl he all right you know what I'm saying like you well probably wouldn't have gave me good advice anyway but I was kind of in this like lull of I'm entering into a new life and I do need to rebuild my community I don't have anyone now and then in swoops this man oh yeah and what's interesting is I think I finally got the courage to leave after all the cheating because I started building community while I was married yeah and right now I'm in a confessional community which I think y'all would love it's seven of us all leaders all kind of doing the same thing podcasting speaking writing books um and we have been together for four years now and we meet once a year and we confess like everything in person at a retreat and then every month for three hours we confess oh that's and we've

been doing it for four years and it has saved me and here's what's even crazier when my ex-husband called me to confess that he was being extorted another active infidelity um i was in national Tennessee in a hotel and just down the hallway were two of the women that are in my confessional community. Almost none of us live in the same state. So it just was one of those moments where you can see that God makes plans for your pain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I get this news and then I text them like, hey, are you up? Because my whole world is about to fall apart. And I need you. And my friend Jessica sent me lemon blueberry pancakes because she knows I don't eat when I get super nervous and anxious. my friend Jamie came and just held me in the hotel hallway.

The Lord put those two people there, but it's because I had been living on the offense, not the defense. And I think for many of us, we want to call on everybody when we're in pain. But it really should be us building up the friendships and the lineup and the team of people that will be there for us so that when the pain does come, we already have the people in place. And that's what we should be working on.

That is amazing. That's an amazing point You talked about Just like transitioning You mentioned earlier Like you had friends Yeah But then you also had family

Or like so what And I think Ari and I have experienced Similar things where it's like You are in a journey of sanctification How do you And like even down to family members Who you go back home And you visit and you're like

Why am I picking up a couple things That I thought I didn't I said a few curse words now that I'm my Uncle Rick. Oh, Uncle Rick. Catch you every time. You know what I'm saying? Man, it's hard and it's kind.

I remember I had a specific friend that I knew I just, for a season, could not be close to because I just, I'm a chameleon, people pleaser, next thing you know, I'm stripping the club. And so, you're stripping in the club.

You know what I'm saying? Next thing I'm twerking on somebody's son again. You know what I mean? Like, I just, I know, you know? And I remember giving her a call, and just saying this. And for anyone listening, watching, here's your script, okay? Hey, I'm getting ready to get really serious about my healing.

Because at that time, I was about healing for me, not holiness. And I just realized that I'm weak in some areas when it comes to drinking and drugs and things like that. And so I think what that's going to mean for our friendship is that I'm going to feel a little distant for a little while. But it's because I really do need to take some time to be alone, to get some accountability around me, to maybe. even get friends who don't drink or don't party so that I can get strong enough to be able to be

in deep relationship with you. And so I don't know how long that's going to take. I don't know what that looks like. But I just want to make you aware so that you don't think I'm ghosting you or I've ignored you. But I really just, I have to get serious about my healing. Wow, that's great. Thank you for that script. That's a great script. Like what are you like? Who's going to be like, what? You don't want to be my friend? Somebody. And maybe just maybe that person doesn't need to be in your circle and that's the proof of it their response to you saying this is for me I have to do this and I've had to do this a few times I had to do it last year I you know you guys know I've been processing through infidelity betrayal healing from it when did you guys get divorced by the way

two years ago so September 2023 is when I found out and started the divorce process and what was interesting is that I had some friends that started going through some of the same things infidelity betrayal in their marriage and I'm the strong friend. Remember, like, everyone comes to me for help, for guidance, and I couldn't be. And I remember my counselor telling me, like, you can care for your friends, but you can't carry them right now because you're not strong enough. And so I remember having to tell some friends of mine just saying, hey, like, I want to hold this story with you guys so badly. Like, I want to hold this pain with y'all. I'm not strong enough to do it right now.

Yeah. And it's going to hurt me more. And I think our relationship more if I stay too close to what you guys are going through. So I'm going to have to back up a little bit. Wow, wow. But don't you think what your pain and everything you went through actually birthed real authentic friendships? Because I know for me, yeah, when I went through everything I did, that's what created such intimacy. Pain connects us.

It does. Greater than any emotion. But so many people want to hide it. And it's like, don't. That's what births authenticity and realness. That's what got us so close on us. Yeah. It's the best, man.

It's, first of all, like, the fact that pain connects us is just a testament to how, like, God, again, makes plans for our pain. He knew, like, God's intention for us is Eden. We were supposed to be butt naked in Eden. You know what I'm saying? Like, we'll tell it to me. That's what the goal was. And when sin and the curse entered into our world, God knew we would need each other to carry it. Yeah.

And for many of us, we are waiting on God to do a miracle in our lives and to do a miracle through us. But maybe God's trying to do the miracle through someone else that you're connected to. I always say that that's what he did through Ange for me. Like sometimes and. All my friends. He always uses people. He always. Always.

What else is he going to use? No, I know. That's what he does. Humanity. God's plan A for humanity has always been humanity. Like that is the, this is the plan, guys. I'm so sorry. You can't get rid of us. This is what we're supposed to be doing with each other.

And I just think for many people, you get mad at God because he's not carrying something that you won't let someone else carry that he's called to do it. Oh, I have them chills. I have them chills. A holy tingle.

And you're upset. And you're like, well, he said his yoke is easy as burden is light and all these different things. And it's just like, yeah, his. Like his way. And sometimes his way is not your way. And you have tried so hard to be the strong friend you didn't mess around and burned yourself out.

and now you're mad at God because you have tried to hold everything yourself and you won't let anybody else do it because pride says if I do it I'll be more important right if I do it by myself I will be esteemed more I will have more and we all looking at you like you sweating buck shots honey bun your edges are looking crazy your pits are wet you're working too hard let them carry it with you I preached on John 11 yesterday I never noticed this fresh revelation I got on stage I think it's, it's later in the verse. So it has to be like 30, it's John chapter 11, maybe 36 or 37.

Jesus gets to the tomb with Mary, Martha, and all their friends who would come to comfort them. That's what friends do, by the way. And he says, move the stone. And so the question is, Homeboy, like, you about to raise a whole man from the dead that's been dead for four days. Why you can't just flicker the wrist and like, why? Like, just move to turn the stone. Just move the thing, okay? And I think it's for two reasons.

I think number one, what do you move it? You know what I'm saying? Like, what are you talking about? And I think it's for two reasons. I think number one, Jesus wants us to be a part of the miracles. He wants us to help him and he doesn't even need it because he wants us to be a part of the miracle and it doesn't say this specifically I doubt Mary and Martha moved the stone and I'd say that because Martha's response to Jesus was wait wait don't have them move the stone I don't think it was

her that moved it I think she was saying don't let them their friends move it because he stinketh okay like he's so I don't think it was Mary and Martha that moved the stone I think their friends did well wow wow I have Jesus is about to save them from their grief. And he asks their friends to help him because they're grieving. I can't move the stone for my brother. There's no way. I can't do that.

My brother's died. I can't do that. Please don't move the stone. That may disrespect. I can't. Let your friends do it. Yeah. You may not have the strength to move the stone.

They have it. Come on. He's always, always used people. Always. He's always used people. And I just, I want to be Mary and Martha. Yeah. I do, I want to be the girl that's like I'm in so much pain.

My people are here. Jesus is here. They're taking care of it. I just get to cry at his feet. Mary, I just get to say, if you were here, if you were here, you would have lived. If you were here, that marriage would have worked out. If you, I get to doubt, I get to question. I get to be at the feet of Jesus while my friends.

help me grieve, comfort me, and move the stones that I can't freaking move myself. Wow. That's what it is. That is so good. This is what I, this is what we preach. This is everything. This is so inspiring. It's just like that's what's happening in my life.

Because you went through so much pain. Thank you Jesus for all the pain. Thank you Jesus to those men that did that. Look at what happened through it. Look at the fruit. It's unbelievable. run from it yes and something happens yes with the pain the goodness comes the holiness comes the connection comes like the stories i get to hold now y'all oh my goodness i met this guy just yesterday

and he comes up to me older guy he was like i got your story i said what happened he said my wife she she you know she was with she went with another man she moved to london this man is in California and she left left me with my daughter I want you to meet her and I was like I'd love to meet your daughter so after I preach he comes up and he's got this special needs daughter and she's so sweet and she's like Mike she has my kids book in her hand and I'm looking at these man and he's like she's the love of my life now and I'm just like when you don't know what it feels like for someone to betray you and leave you when you have your kids like your babies like this man knows and I know his pain and he knows my pain and that brings us

closer and we're strangers and I maybe will never see this guy again yeah and yet I got to have a moment with him and his sweet girl and he's like I love this church I've been to 10 churches it's the first church that has a special needs program for my daughter she's like pointing out little emojis on my book and my kids book is all about like having big emotions and being messy and God's still loving you and she's going to go home and he's going to read that to her and I'm just like, wow.

Like, I wouldn't have chosen. I wouldn't have chosen so much pain because I know it's not worth it. Yeah. And I've discovered that it's also not wasted. Yeah. And it's so then it is worth it kind of. You know what I mean?

Like that we even get to do this. Wow. It's the best. It's the greatest gift that you can look at others and say me too. Yeah. And relate. Right?

I hope that man watches this. I know, me too. I know. We're going to find him. He's so sweet. He's a guest services guy. I will find him. We're going to find him.

Your heart is beautiful, Tony. Your heart is gold. Thanks for saving him. This is all that you've been throwing me in. And it just made you just such a, we talked about communication at the beginning of this. I mean, you are a phenomenal communicator. You're obviously gifted, anointed, made for this. And then to add the emotional death.

the depth the depth to be like this deep well of emotion and experience and so like every message you ever preach will not only be just like on this wave of great communication but it's just like backed with all this real raw authenticity thanks for saying that thank you you're you're a really special person thank you and really funny too you're nuts I mean it's a flick of the wrist I get that because it's true I'm like like being a genuinely serious conversation and then saying I was fugly is probably the most like I'm going to be looking in the mirror and I'm like you look fugly today baby girl that's great so yeah I think one of the biggest things for our community is they feel isolated they don't know where to find community yeah can you tell

our viewers how can they step out in boldness yeah find friends yeah that's I think that's the biggest thing right now. It is really difficult. And here's what I don't want to discount, that it's so difficult. In my research for the book, I had this question that just popped up when I was writing it, where I was like, why is it so easy for kids to make friends and

not us as adults? And there's so many factors. Number one, my daughter, she goes on a playground 52 seconds later. She's like, hey, Marley Pop, I'm like, what's up? She's like, I met a friend. We're besties now. I gave her your number. I'm like, oh, what? You gave her my number. Okay. She's like, yeah, play day next week. It's

going down like it just it just happens naturally for them because one they don't have so much baggage they don't have a lot of shame right and so I think when the Bible says you know we enter into the gates of heaven as children that that's what God's looking for that he values children I think a part of the the element of that is for us to be like unashamed for us to still be bold like we were when we were kids like hey you're going to be my friend yeah that's what I do hey I literally do that I did that, yeah, that's what I do like, hey, you're like, hey, you want to do dinner? I'm like, okay, girl, let's do it. You know, like, just to be unashamed like that, I think is something that we lose over time, which is important, which is why it's important for us to heal, for us to

access some of these different parts of us that were younger and why we respond to things in certain ways, that's one, but also our parents were the curators of community for us. So they took us to the park with other kids and the jumpy place. They put us in school where we're literally with kids all day. I wake up in the morning. I got crushed in my eyes. I'm not around other random adults. You know,

like I'm going to my job or my coffee shop or whatever. And so I think that we really have to get serious about curating community around us. This is so lame. Go on Eventbrite. Go on what? Event bright.

If you look at Eventbrite, it's like the event bright. Event bright. It's like an event hosting spot. So if you guys did a tour and you wanted to run tickets through, there's like brush fire, all these different like,

platforms that run tickets through it. Well, Eventbrite Stubhub. Well, Eventbrite is local events. Zumba classes. Oh, Eventbride just did some sort of like Christian roller skating night. And it was like right down the street. If you sign up in your zip code, it will show you little events that are around you.

If you aren't in the gym, go to a gym, do some fitness classes. And I'm using all of the other little environments except for the environment that I do want to say, which is the church. to say which is the church yeah church okay the church in all of its glory and imperfection yeah was designed for this yeah i know like we were designed to do horizontal connection and vertical worship that's what the church is for wow horizontal connection vertical worship now unfortunately for some of y'all you've been horizontally worshiping okay so now your pastor is your savior which is weird okay um but but it's supposed to be the opposite we're supposed to connect

act horizontally what it's true and that's weird and that's weird okay yeah yeah all y'all are putting your pastors on pedestals that you want to rip them off of when you realize they're imperfect like you hello somebody um hello somebody that's okay it's crazy anyways the church like we have to start putting ourselves in environments with community yeah after we get into that environment and here's the deal like there's no timeline for this like you can go to a zumba class or a golf thing or join a local softball, whatever the world, flag football, all the things, and not talk to anybody for a little while until you get comfortable. That's okay. Take a round or two, go to church, a round or two, get comfortable, get your bearing, okay?

I got a lot of introverted friends, which is weird. I don't know how they're hanging out with me. I think it's because I shield them from any socializing. But I have so many introverted friends, and they're like, Tony, there's no way. And I'm just like, you don't have to move at the speed of an extrovert as a matter of fact if I'm not mistaken the whole introvert extrovert thing was manmade right please do not let a manmade title keep you from your god-given design you were designed for connection I'm so sorry your personality type does not keep you from that that's right so sorry about that okay sweet now it may look different right you may be like I can I can do the big crowd but I can do the one-on-one yeah and I'm just going to go after the one zumba girl in the corner okay

And that's okay, but we have to start putting ourselves out there And we have to be confident enough to be okay with being rejected. That's right. Wow. Because someone's going to be like, I don't have enough capacity for more friends. Me. I literally have a confessional community of seven of us that I'm meeting with every whatever. I have a travel group that I love so much dearly.

We do life together. Then I have like my local gym community where we do, I do events at my house. It's crazy. I love people for real, for real. Yeah, yeah. I have these different pockets and if I continue to add too many people to these intimate circles

then I won't have enough capacity for my kids and et cetera, et cetera. So someone may be like, hey, I may not have the capacity for close friendship, but we can hang. Yeah. And that's okay. Yeah, yeah. It's okay. You just try again. Y'all know, Bumble got French's. Yeah. You just have to start saying yes.

You just have to start saying yes. Stop staying home. On the phone scrolling. You're a little hibernate and bear get out of there it's time to get outside right right but not like that outside you know no no no no not okay because we didn't all been outside and it's scary out there I was outside I'm now inside I'm now inside I'm now inside not going back outside it's nasty out there you kept something outside just start saying yes just start saying yes want to go for coffee yes you want to go for that run don't really want to run but I'll walk next to you yeah do you want like yeah for sure

I can't imagine, okay, when y'all think about it, this is my ADHD brain, but like, when I think about friendship, I think about like the whole entire world and if everyone had like one, maybe even two good friends that loved Jesus that held you accountable, how much less discourse there would be in the world. You know what I mean? Like when you think about, it's like I am not popping off on people on the internets because I know that in 30 days I have another. Zoom call where I'm going to have to confess everything I did from the past month. Right, totally. So let me chill. Let me, you know what I'm saying? Accountability is everything. It's just, it's like when you look, I just, we would just be all better people. Yeah.

What do you say to like, because I'm sure when you say friendships, you mean friends who sharpen and edify and call you hire, call you out. Well, like, what is your relationship? Do you like feedback? Do you ask for feedback? Do you, are you open? This is why the confessional community is so important because we know going into it that this is a space of confession and accountability. And we put that in place because the truth is I think we actually have to, I think confession requires a muscle.

It's why I think in the Old Testament, especially like Leviticus, where we're seeing how God's like fashioned people to confess and to slaughter animals. It was a way. There was a system for confession for continual repentance. I think when Jesus came, which we love, thank you, Daddy God, we don't have to kill any more goats and such, like what kind of left is the system of confession when you think about it in the New Testament because it went from, I've got to go to a rabbi or, you know, a teacher of the law, like I've got to go here to go confess, but it's a part of a system and this is how we do it.

Now, outside of the Catholic Church, I don't think there's a structured time of confession in church when you think about that right yeah like i mean catholicism is it's got its quirks but that confession piece of sitting down with someone and saying i did this i did this i did this i'd like to give it to the lord like they're onto something there yeah and i think as you know the evangelical church like we're missing it there's no space at all maybe a small group if that's what you decide to talk about but have y'all small groups you're drunk just kidding you got chakure and wine at the small group with the Bible study and you're looking crazy. No.

Because there's so much freedom and autonomy. Yeah, totally. You're just at the crib hanging out. Yeah. So what does it look like for us to decide that we're going to individually, through sanctification, put people and strategies in place to where we're continually confessing? Yeah. Oh, I love that.

I love that. Because we don't have it. Yeah. And in your friendships that aren't these confessional, what is like a conflict like? Oh, my favorite. I love conflict now. What are you on the anagram? I'm a three.

Me too. Achiever? Oh, yeah. I thought you would be an eight. Well, here's the deal. I think I've gotten healthy. Okay? I think I've gotten healthy.

And so a lot of people think I'm a seven because I'm so much fun. I'm like, wow, the time. I'm like, surprise. I actually just want to crush it every day. Yeah. Okay. I mean, truly. She's about the Andrea.

Oh, I am trying to crush it. That's what I want to do. I want to win. I thought I was a two for a long time. until someone asked me a question, they were like, when you help people, what's more satisfying to you saying, oh my gosh, I'm so glad that they got helped and they are enjoying this help?

Or like, I helped them. I crushed it, and it's that one. Wow. I don't know. I'm a two with a bad heart. Anyways. I'm like, dang. But the eighth thing truly has come from healing.

Because now, like, I'm a truth teller. But before I would not say anything or lean into conflict at all. Which is my problem, honey. because I want to make everybody happy. I want everybody, my friend. I want you to like me now. I only want Jesus to like me.

I don't care what y'all think. I don't because you ain't coming to heaven with me. I mean, you may go to heaven, but you ain't coming with me. I'm going with me. Anyways, not even these kids. I can't wait until Jesus comes back. He got all my stuff. He got the kids.

No, he's got them. I'm leaving. I'm going. I got to go get my white robe and my little loft I'm going overlooking all the tears he didn't bottled up because there's a lot of them. That's why I'm going to the holy, holy, holy. Is that what we are at white rooms? I don't know.

But he's saying all white. Like I was like, okay, cool. I can get a monochromatic thing going on. I can't wait to go to heaven. I love conflict now because in my maturity, I can see that conflict is always the way forward to peace. We, in our confessional community, we call it ruptures. And oftentimes people think that it's the conflict or the rupture that ruins a relationship.

And it's not. It's the lack of repair that. does because even in our confessional community like we have had some ruptures and we have this saying now it's never leaving the room dot dot dot without coming back yeah because sometimes you will need a break and you need to leave the room sometimes you do you need to have those transition conversations of like hey that was really hard for me it's triggered some things in me the story I'm telling myself is way different from what is actually happening and I need some time to like get myself together so I can come back. I've even told friends like I really deeply want to honor you and

respect you and in this moment I can't because I'm so angry because I'm so irritated because I have some words. I'm a little spicy. He put a lot of spice in there and I just need some time but I will come back in a day in an hour. And so I just think we suck at it because no one's actually taught us how to do it. And just wouldn't it be like the enemy though? Yeah. To take conflict and make it like a bad word. Wow. It's not a bad word. Jesus had conflict with so many.

Jesus had conflict with Sweet Peter. He didn't chop somebody ear off and tried to kill somebody in the garden. Hey, we don't do that. Yeah. That's conflict. Yeah. Hey, that's, we don't, you got us to calm down. Yeah.

That's a, like that's conflictual conversation. And I just think we've, we made it a dirty word. But it's ho holy and good. Wow. We find different things out. We, in my opinion, and y'all may agree with this. and I hope everybody else agrees with this, when you go through something hard with someone

and you get on the other side and you repair it, it brings you closer. Oh, absolutely. The relationship changes. You're like, all right, you don't have that. And then there's less conflict in the future because you're getting to know each other in the hard things. So now it's not like landmines that you can't see,

but now we've talked about it. Okay, why did you respond in that way? You didn't like it when I said, okay, cool. I'm not going to say that again. I'm not going to say it in that way. I'm not going to do that. It's a part of getting to know each other. Yeah.

And I love it. Jesus has conflict with us. Yeah. Yeah, he does. Hey, probably shouldn't have watched that, sweet girl. The Holy Spirit come and tap you like that in the morning. You're like, what's up? I think conviction is conflict.

Yeah. It is. Wow. I'm too so good looking. No, no. Okay, I shouldn't have cursed her. Okay, cool, cool. I didn't.

The road rage got me. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you talk on that because I think a lot of people will have, like, friends, especially women will have conflict. And then they just throw in the wreck and they give up on each other. Well, I want to be honest, that was me. So I used to say, I have a detachment issue because I do. Yeah.

And I, the only reason, again, why I can speak about this from a place of authorities because I've done it wrong so many times. And I am definitely, my friend Emily, she will probably watch this. And she's going to be like, yeah, you remember that one time you canceled our friendship. We just had a tiny little thing. And I was like, it's okay. I'll find another friend. Yeah.

No. You can't do that. Can't throwing people away. We're not in the business of throwing people away. Because you're going to have it. You're going to go through things. Well, you take you with you wherever. you go that's right so wherever you go wherever you're with there you are and so the thing that you did

the ways that you talk the stories and the baggage that you bring in it's going to be brought into every single relationship maybe practice maturity and sit in some conflict for a little while yes yes yes I love that so much counseling is the best thing ever because it shows you changed me oh it changed I want to marry my counselor she's a woman but I wouldn't you know yeah yeah yeah that's how I feel or adopt to have her adopt me oh my gosh that's a good idea already used to cry in her counselor's arms oh i did but that's a story for another day because we have to go we have to go guys okay okay we have to you so much do you think that you could pray for the people hey lord jesus thank you so much just thank you with all the darkness and everything going on in our world

at all times really it is a miracle that we're even just alive in this moment and so we just thank you for that. We thank you for your presence, that it's tangible, that it's not just this mystical, mythical thing, but it is real and true. We thank you, God, that for some odd reason in all of our brokenness and sin, you have chosen us to do amazing things in this world, to raise children, to befriend your sons and daughters, to produce podcast and write books, to manage traffic and to teach littles. You have just quite literally called us to do life with other and with you and that is a privilege that we don't want to take for granted so Lord I just pray in the name of Jesus that maybe we just become more aware of you and that in

our awareness we would see that you love us that you want deep relationship with us that you want to talk to us like every day all day long in our awareness God help us to be reminded that we were made for and designed for connection withness to be with people to connect deeply with people and God in our awareness we pray that you remind us that we are worthy that we are called that we have been plucked out of obscurity and sin and you are calling us to heaven God help us to act like it help us to accept sanctification as a gift not a curse not something bad or a punishment but something that we get to do so that we can be in close relationship with you. Be our guide and heal us, God. We love you a whole bunch in Jesus

name. Amen. Thanks, Tony. We love you. We put her book in the description box. Thank you. And tell everyone where you can get the book. Don't try this alone on all the things. Amazon, TonyJ.callier.com, all the things. I hope you get it. I hope it's helpful. It will be. It's going to do amazing things. Thank you so much. So blessed to have you today. We did it. We love you guys so much. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom, shalom, baby. Bebe. Baby.