Girls Gone Bible - Cost of Discipleship| Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

Hiiii GGB!   this week we're reading from Luke 19 about the cost of being a disciple. if we're truly ready to count the cost and pick up our cross daily.   we love you so much. Jesus loves you more. -Ang & Ari   ORDER OUR NEW BOOK! You can order our new book "Out of the Wilderness— 31 Devotions to Walk with God Through Your Hardest Seasons" at girlsgonebible.com/book (http://girlsgonebible.com/book)   JOIN US ON GGB+ 🥹❤️ https://ggb.supportingcast.fm (https://ggb.supportingcast.fm)   COME SEE US ON TOUR: Tickets for our tour are now on sale. Go to www.GirlsgoneBible.com/tour (http://www.girlsgonebible.com/tour) WE LOVE YOU AND CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!   Glorify App Guided meditations and daily devotionals to strengthen your faith and find peace throughout your day. Download the app at Glorify-app.com/ggb and get full access for just $29.99 for the entire year.   IQBAR Fuel your body and brain with IQBAR. Plant based protein bars packed with clean ingredients and functional nutrients. Text GGB to 64000 for 20% off plus free shipping.   Olive & June Salon-quality nails from home made easy with the Olive & June system. Everything you need for a flawless at-home manicure. Get 20% off your first system at OliveandJune.com/GGB (http://OliveandJune.com/GGB).   Mint Mobile Premium wireless coverage with unlimited talk, text and data at an unbeatable price. Get a 3-month unlimited plan for only $15/month at MintMobile.com/GGB.   Ritual Instead of striving for perfect health, aim for supporting foundational health. Get 25% off your first month, only at ritual.com/GGB (http://ritual.com/GGB)   NOCD Personalized, evidence-based therapy for OCD from licensed professionals. Schedule a free 15-minute call with their team at https://learn.nocd.com/ggb (https://learn.nocd.com/ggb)   Grand Canyon University Earn your degree online or on campus with programs designed to fit your life. Enroll today and find your purpose at GCU.edu/MyOffer (http://GCU.edu/MyOffer).   Yappy Bracelets Meaningful, faith-based bracelets designed to remind you of what matters most. Simple, wearable pieces that carry intention and purpose ever y day. Get 15% off your order at YappyBracelets.com/GGB.     Quo A smarter way to manage your money and build better financial habits with ease. Try it for free and get 20% off your first 6 months at QUO.com/GGB

Okay, have you guys ever been in a relationship and you kept having unwanted doubts like, do I love them enough? Am I really happy? What if God has someone better for me? And those questions felt impossible to ignore. And suddenly you're repeatedly praying for certainty or signs, constantly comparing your relationship to others, asking friends what they think over and over again, but you can't find peace no matter what you try. Unwanted relationship doubts can feel so real and scary. But here's what's important to know. Thoughts like these can be a sense. sign of relationship OCD. Unlike these stereotypes about being organized, real OCD is a serious condition that can latch on to anything we care about. Relationship OCD creates this never-ending

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no CD can help. That's nocd.com. Okay. Well, here we are. Well, how do we explain this one, Anne? You know what? Let's start out by saying it's not a rerun. It's not an old episode. Don't get scared. Everything's okay. What can we say? We missed the honeycomb. Well, I know what I can say. What? I just didn't like the pink curtain. I couldn't do it. I'm like, we're going back until we figure this thing out. Yeah. You're on this ride with us, guys.

Guys, listen. Is she just home? What do you guys think? Okay, no, my favorite thing that has ever happened, truly the funniest thing. I want you guys to know that the humor in GGB gang is everything. I've said it a thousand times and I'll keep saying it. Someone had commented, first of all, it was the Holy Week video, which I really hope that everybody focused more on holy week than the set, but someone commented and was like, whoa, I didn't know we had so many interior

designers in Gigi being. Literally everybody was commenting and being like, well, I think you could do this. Well, just change the side to paint. Well, just, and I was, like, I had the time of my life reading those comments being like, these are people there, like, you guys are in the studio with us. It just made me feel so loved that everybody cared so much. But you're so right. That sign was awful. My mom. Okay. We all know my Eastern European mommy. She's outspoken.

I don't know. She's outspoken. And she hates this. Like literally I'll be like, Mom, what did you think about the episode? I hate the sign. That's not what I asked. What did you think about Holy Week? I hate the sign.

Okay, Christina. Who puts red with pink? What were you thinking? Listen, dude. We're just trying to figure it out. We're just trying to figure it out. We just trying to figure it up. It's not even about the set.

It's about you guys and us and Jesus. Listen, we're going to have a beautiful set. Another thing, I don't know if you feel this way. I struggle with change so much. Like, we're trying to, like, rebrand and, like, it's been three years. We should have had to rebrand a long time ago. I struggle. Like, even our banner of, even our original photo with me in the Bible and you, like,

pop star Britney Spears. I love it. I don't want, I'm, like, sad to change. it but why like fix what's not broken is that the first of all yes is that great point right yes like love everything dude don't fix if it don't fix it if it ain't broken right yeah why are we going to change that photo that was like I literally thought I was Britney Spears in that photo what was what exactly what was I doing I'm like what we what we did change was originally you could see a little bit of my stomach because back then we we did modesty but then we did

modesty updated. We didn't know what we were talking about back then. Let's be honest. Sanctification. And then I, we edited it to cover my stomach, which is praise God, because ain't nobody need a midrift. It is so wild what God called us to. He was like, I didn't call you guys as preachers. I called you to do this journey so everybody can see where you start and where you will end up. Yeah. And everyone can go on this with you. Like everyone who's sitting here right now being like beating themselves up of perfectionism, I want you to go watch some of our earlier episodes. This was God's whole point of doing this.

So you don't have to condemn yourself. It's literally, I always describe it as it's like if you watch GGB first episode, what is it like 150 episodes now? If you watch from our first episode, our testimonies video to now, it's like a, it's like a master class on sanctification. And what the whole like the work of the spirit that transforms you from the inside out. I always say like even down to the look in our eyes is so different and the humility and just the the wisdom, the sanctificate. Like the purity. I didn't even. It was so crazy.

We've grown so much. Praise God. Yeah. So anyways, we'll be we'll be in here for a little bit. We'll see. Listen, you guys are on the ride with us. don't fix what ain't broken we're gonna we're gonna have our own i love you honeycomb i love you thomas we love tommy freaking tommy um we have so much to talk about today before we get into the episode i just feel

like you just got a haircut sleigh thanks you look absolutely beautiful sometimes all you need is a haircut do you guys ever just feel a little bit like you're not feeling like yourself well yes i was feeling like that for a minute. And honestly, as a woman, it sucks to feel like that. Yeah. And then when somebody tries to throw at you, you're fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm like, I get it. I don't feel good. No. No, sometimes those hormones be hormoning and you just don't feel like yourself. You don't want to leave the house. 100%. Ari and I just spent a week. I was in Florida with my family for nine days, which was a gift, but also longer than I anticipated. There's something about being back home with your family that makes you feel like the age in which you left. So for me, that's about 18.

But I feel like even younger when I'm with my family. I don't know what happens. Do you feel the same way? Yeah, make me eggs. Yeah. Like my mom cleans up after me. Like I literally won't pick up anything. And I know that's disrespectful, but she's my Albanian mom. And she loves clean. Oh, my mom's favorite pastime. Her favorite thing in the world is to see me leave something, like, not in its place and, like, clean it up for me. It just makes her so happy. I know. So I went to Florida for Easter, and then Ari came on Tuesday. And we didn't tell you guys, but we had one of the greatest honors and privileges of our lives. And we got to speak to the students at Jesus Image. And you guys know what Jesus image means to us. You guys know what the Culeanos is mean to, Me personally, Michael's teachings have truly actually changed my life and my everything, everything, who I am in ministry, who I am as a disciple, who I am as a person, like has been shaped, formed and fashioned through Michael Cuyallanos's teachings. And Ari and I got to speak to the students, and it was a glorious day. The greatest honor of our lives. I had to keep pitching myself. Oh, my gosh.

This can't be, like, are we really get the honor to do this? It was unbelievable. I just want to take them, though, a little bit, like, behind the scenes of some things that happen. Like, so the time difference between L.A. and Florida is huge. It's only three hours, but it feels big. It took me. I, like, never, I was there for nine days. I never recovered from the time difference.

Well, clearly, like, I was up at eight and you literally flipped out on me. I know. No. You know what? I do not bother. If you want to go there, you are an emotional terrorist in the mornings. I just want to tell you, I really do. I want to say that, have you ever heard of a slow morning?

Have you ever heard of like just relax in the morning? You are a bat out of hell. I heard your voice this morning, by the way. I got up like a bat out of hell. And then I was like, slow. I like, what is that? What would you call that? I have so much energy.

I don't know. I just have so much energy in the morning. No, it's really special and I'm the opposite. I am like a slow morning person. I don't like to talk. You're a nightmare. And you have that face mask on. Okay, that sleepy face mask thing saves my life.

You have to wash that, by the way. Okay. That's insulting. We just want that thing. I used the MediCube face mask thing and I wore it so I turned it around so it wasn't dirty, but I wasn't home for all that time to wash it. No one will ever quite understand what a morning with me and her. It's like stepbrothers. Like watch the movie of stepbrothers. That's actually her and I in real life form. No, actually, I wake up about two hours later than you. You're already

up in the morning. You've already done a whole day. I'm like, chill out. And then I wake up and you're like, and I call from across the house. I go, Ari, can you make me a coffee? Guys, I don't ask for much in life. The only thing that I want is to be brought coffee in bed. Like when I'm married, I just have one request. I'll do everything else. Will you please just bring me coffee in bed? I make a phenomenal coffee.

I mean, you can't beat my coffees in the morning. Whole thing. Ari comes. So I never recovered from the time difference. I'm already there for like six days at that point. Ari, we're speaking on Wednesday morning. Me and Ari stay at Michael and Jessica Juliano. the Jesus image new church property and it's like a holy beautiful like it's just like the veil

is thin like it's the thin space like literally when I had quiet time I was like oh my gosh I'm in he's here it was beautiful um but that night Ari comes in on the Tuesday night and you're like wired because for you it's like midnight in Florida but it's only like 9 p.m. for you we're both nervous I mean it's like the most full circle moment of our lives to speak at Jesus image the next day we're both so nervous. And he, you're in my bed with me. And then I go, what happened? What happened? And then so we're like, we're like both a little wired. And then it becomes like 2 a.m. And we're still up. And we're both a little bit wired. And then we're so out of it. And it's the time difference. And we're both like even more nervous because we're like, we have to go to sleep. But we can't fall asleep.

What are we going to do? Then we get on this kick where we're like, oh, we're going to go to Greek Orthodox. She asked me to go to a Greek Orthodox. And you were excited. I was like, honestly, yeah, and let's get those veils. Yeah. All I want to do is wear a veil over my head. I like think it's the most beautiful thing ever. I want to be like mother, Mary. It really is. I've been wanting, I wanted to go to Greek Orthodox service for Easter so badly because I've just, I watch videos on TikTok and it's beautiful. And then so Ari is like, okay, so we need to get veils. And I'm like, absolutely. So then we're on Amazon looking at veils to buy. And we don't even like know what we're doing. at that point. And then you go, okay, okay, enough. I just like, you're like, stop it. And I was just like, what do we talk? We're going to get off this thing. They were like these weird Amazon veils. And then I started picturing us with the feels on. It's crazy.

We're getting so scared. So anyways, we ended up not going to Greek Orthodox Easter. Or getting the veils. We go to Jesus image the next day. And truly one of the most glorious days, it couldn't have been, like, it just couldn't have been better. The Lord was there. He spoke. The beautiful, beautiful girls, all the students that we spoke to were just precious and amazing. And it was such a gift. And like we truly don't take those things lightly at all, at all. There's just nothing like sitting in a room with other women. Yeah. And just like that sisterhood of like talking about real raw, hard stuff. And so we had like probably like three hours almost total of doing ministry. And,

There's something about ministry. Like there's an aspect of ministry. Like it's spiritual. It's emotional. And then it's also physical. Like there's like an endurance aspect of live like in person ministry being on a stage speaking to people. And like Ari and I have had like four months off of tour. And which has been so amazing because we've been resting.

But we also haven't been in front of people in a while. So like you have to learn to like get that endurance back up. So we were like toast after the three hours. It's fried. Fried. Starving. Starving. So then we drive from Orlando to my mom's house.

And it's like, it's like an hour and a half drive. We stop at Chick-fil-A. With sauce all over the side of my lips. Sauce everywhere. Like, didn't chew it. I inhaled it. No, actually. Like, we were silent eating our Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

I didn't, yeah, I didn't know where I was. No, that was the best, that is the best moment. It was everything. Did you eat the fry? Yes. You had a coat, right? It's nothing like swishing the coat. the Coke with the chicken.

It's a bite of the sandwich, bite of the fry, Coke Zero. Guys, this is the funniest part of everything, truly. So my mom had like a, you guys know my mom, diehard Catholic and also like incredibly Pentecostal, charismatic, word of faith, like casting out demons, praying for healing, all the things. Like, she's one of the most well-rounded Christians, I know. And we get to my house and my mom had like a like a, like a. friend, like a man of God friend there and my brother was there. And we walk in and like when you're

toast like that after doing ministry, like you don't really want to do anything spiritual again. Like you just want to veg out and relax and we walk in. My mom, I, we walk in. My mom is there. She's so excited. I'm like, dude, I have to match her energy right now. This is going to be hard. And then the man of God is there. And then I look and I'm like, oh, my dad's here. What's my dad doing here? And then And my brother's there too. And then we walk in, she's so excited to see Ari. My mom and Ari's relationship is like something truly out of a movie. They're the same in so many ways.

They're best friends. And then my mom comes up to us and she goes, guys, sit down. We're learning how to cast out demons. And I was like, okay, let's cast him out. I'm like, okay, let's cast him out. We sit down. I'm looking at Ari. Ari is looking at me.

We're all praying, but me and Ari are laughing, uncontrollably because it's like out of a movie. And then we, yeah, we just trying to cast. And then we're casting out demons. And then everybody leaves and my mom mentions demons again. And I look at her and I go, Mom, I love you so much. I can't hear the word demon. I don't want to hear about demons.

For three days. For three days. And us with the, and then she, when we go to bed, she gives us these like oversized. I have the same pants every time we go to Florida. Yeah, they're Christmas pajamas. They're like oversized Christmas pajamas. It's epic. And I'm like floating in them and we just look like wrap bags.

And I look at you and I'm like, who are we? And then, oh, this is the kicker. So a lot of you don't know. Ari is like best friends with my oldest brother. Like they're literally best friends. No, he's my best friend. You're the only person he likes. He is my best friend.

I think he is actually half of my heart. he loves you more than he loves anybody else he's more excited to see you than he's ever been to see me and that's totally okay and then he's got the qualities of my father which is so crazy so I just feel like I don't know he's we have such a special relationship it really is so special you really do my brother nears he's an angel I love him so much um the purest heart the purest heart And then his son, Adam, was coming for the weekend. And Ari and I were supposed to leave the next day. And I'm obsessed with my family.

I really wanted to be back in my house, in my bed, in California. I'd already been there for almost a week. Somehow, some way, Ari gets us suckered in to staying longer. So we extend our trip and then we extend our trip and then we extend our trip. And we were just like vibe in with the fam for a few days. I got to spend time with my brother. Yeah. My brother lives in Tampa.

It was the first time. Everyone thought it was my boyfriend. Like, guys, it's my brother. They're like, yeah, not your real brother. I'm like, it's my biological brother. But he's like kind of the opposite of me. And it was the first time we really got to spend one-on-one time together. And we were so funny.

I'm so proud of him. He has this company called Nutrition Solutions. He like helps people and he transforms them. transforms our life, making like meals. And he's just like a health freak. And he actually taught me a lot this past week. But it was really nice to be with him. And he's so proud of you. It's the sweetest dynamic. He's so proud of his little sister. Yeah. And it's just like, I don't know, as you get older, you just, you have to make time for your family. You know, you really do. So I'm really trying to just a we've just always lived in different cities so it's hard but it was really nice

those people who are like yeah i see my family like once a year i'm like my mom would kill me if i only you know what i mean it's like yeah making time for families families everything everything and i'm gonna say this this episode i at some point am going to baptize my brother and he's going to give his life to jesus Yep, you are. I'm saying that today. Prophosite, girl. I am going to baptize my brother and he's going to give his life to Jesus. I love that.

I've made it every single morning in my prayer time. Thank you, Jesus. Fervently praying for my brother that he will get saved in a radical way. Wow. I see God. It's so funny. It's like right there. Oh, he's so close and he's so open.

And he sees the way you live your life and what Jesus has done in your life, the greatest witness. You don't even have to say anything. Your life, your life specifically is just the most massive billboard of like, look what Jesus can do. Look who you can become. It speaks for itself. Thank you. I need to start wearing my bows again. Yeah, where's your bogo?

I just haven't been, I know. That's my thing. I miss my bows. I know, but your hair has been down. Hi, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. We love Jesus with all of our hearts.

has completely saved our lives. If you're here and you may feel inadequate, you don't have to feel that way here because we talk about all the hard stuff. We've been through everything and more. And so we talk about mental health and relationships and heartbreak. And we always point it back to Jesus. So we always say, come as you are, just don't stay that way. Hi. All right, we are so excited to get into the word today. I think we're going to be going through like a series, probably jumping around the gospel, but like just like taking you guys through different parables, the life of Jesus. What are we talking about today, are? We are talking about the cost of being a disciple, and I'm really excited to read this today.

This is so personal for us. This has been our lives, the sanctification process. And I just love, and we're going to start Luke 14, verse 25, the cost of being a disciple. And I just love this passage because he does not sugarcoat what it means to follow him. Yeah, he doesn't. And we need to hear it. Yeah, he doesn't sugarcoat it. It costs to follow him.

It costs something. It costs your life. But with losing your life, you find everything with Jesus. Yeah. I heard this pastor talk about this specific passage in this way. And I loved it so much. He said, you know, those commercials that you see of people, like the medication. and it's like take this medication to fix X, Y, and Z, and then this medication can lead to, like,

gut destruction, like all of these side effects, like suicidal thoughts and death. And like literally, you know when a commercial, do you know what I'm talking about? Like the medication commercials. Yeah, like where they have like all, they like say what the medication is. It's like a beautiful commercial. And then it's like very quickly they tell you the side effects. And it's like, can lead to. to massive diarrhea. Dying, ding, dung, dung. Exactly. Yeah, suicidal thoughts and even death. And it goes

like really fast. And it's like the fine print that they don't want you to hear. They only want you to hear like the beautiful part of it so that it sells. This pastor that I was listening to is talking about in this passage, like the Lord never speaks in fine print. He never speaks in a way that's like being a disciple. Everything's going to be perfect. And you're going to have to lose your life. No, he's like, hey, I want you to know what you're getting into. I want you to know that this is serious. I'm actually asking you to analyze, count the cost, and see if this is something that you really want for your life. Yeah.

And I think what we're dealing with in the church a lot, obviously, is this idea that, like, being a Christian gives you this amazing, perfect life that's full of blessing and prosperity. And while there is blessing and prosperity, there's a major, major cost. Philip Mitchell, I was listening to Philip Mitchell too and he said something and he was like, the more I, he was talking about the cost of being a disciple. And he's like, the more I live, I die. The more I die, I grow. I was like, yeah. That's really good, Philip. So we're going to read Luke 14, starting at verse 25. We're in the NLT version. A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, if you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else, your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters,

yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. But don't begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there's enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say there's the person who started that building and couldn't afford to finish it. Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him. And if he can't, he will send a delegation to discuss

terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own. Salt is good for seasoning, but if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand. God, I pray in the name of Jesus that every single one of us listening would have the ears to hear and understand because we can read these words, Lord, and still never receive what you're trying to say. So let's start off with the first line, I love this. If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else, your father, your mother, your wife, or your children. Why does he say that? Because what is on the

throne of our hearts? Whatever we love most influences and shapes our lives. So what he's saying is, if anything becomes more important than me, it will eventually shape the decisions of your life. That's why Jesus always has to be on the throne of our hearts. That's why he does not even tolerate idols. So when you read that, it can be jarring at first. I remember when I first became a Christian, I was like, I must hate my mother and father in comparison. Yes, because loving Jesus will shape every single decision of your life. And that's why I'm so grateful. He has taken me on the sanctification process of completely purging every single idol out of my life. Because nothing comes before Jesus. And in order to fully be a disciple and follow him, he has to be at the forefront of

our hearts. Yeah, he does. Really quick, I want to talk about that language that he uses. If you want to be my disciple, you must by comparison hate everyone else. Your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, even your own life. That could be really shocking language to some people and it can be confusing. I remember when I first read it, I was like, this is intense and actually doesn't sound like Jesus. He literally says, honor your mother and father, love your enemies, love your neighbors. Like he never, God doesn't sow division and he doesn't so hate. But this is, this is what I looked up. Does Jesus literally mean hate your family? No. He's using a Hebrew way of speaking called hyperbole, which is like intentional exaggeration for emphasis. And in that culture,

hate often meant love less or put in second place. And so Jesus isn't committed. And so Jesus isn't commanding like emotional hatred. He's literally just putting into perspective and calling us to radical priority. He doesn't actually want you to hate people. But what he's saying is everything, including your father and mother, including your wife and children, should be second place. It's not about actually hating people. It's about making sure that Jesus is first. And everything else, including the people that God calls you to love, they're still second place. Even your own children. You'll never truly follow him if he doesn't come first in your life because whoever is on the throne of your heart will shape your decisions that you make. Always. That is what I've learned.

And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. I really like this because it's not just, there's so much symbolism in this. Like obviously we know that Jesus carried his cross, but the reason why Jesus, before he ever carried his own cross is telling the people he's speaking to that you must carry your own cross. Basically what would happen during that time, Jesus' audience, who he was speaking to, was very well aware of what it meant to carry your cross, like when the Romans would execute people and bring them to crucifixion. Every single person would have to carry their own cross up. So the people that he was speaking to are aware of the situation. Like it's an actual thing where people have to carry their own cross. What I think is

really interesting about this is the word anyone. In another translation, it says anyone who does not carry their own cross and follow Jesus. They can't be their disciple. And I feel like there's like people think that there are tears in Christianity. Like you can either be a kind of Christian or a super Christian or a Christian like me and Ari where we speak on stages and on a podcast and we teach from the Bible. That's like a different tier. Or pastors. They're like, like super Christian, so everything applies to them. When you teach the word, scripture says you are held to a higher standard, yes, but it literally says in scripture, anyone who wants to be a disciple has to carry their cross. So everything that Jesus is talking about, he's talking to

every single person who wants to, you can't kind of be a disciple. You have to go all in completely. And I think that's what we get wrong a lot is people think that they can just kind of love Jesus. or add Jesus to their lives. It doesn't work. I thought that for a long time and it doesn't work like that. Yeah. Yeah. A life half committed is not a life committed at all.

True. I always say that and I too learned that. Yeah. You know, having one foot in and one foot out is not following Jesus. And so carrying your cross, it's daily. It's not occasional. It's daily. It's surrendering when it hurts.

It's learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortability. Yeah. It has been so uncomfortable for me. this past three years having to pick up my cross every day. You want to know what picking up my cross has looked like for me, the surrender. And this is such a good exercise for you guys to do. I will put my hands out and I will be like, I take it. Like take it. I am having thoughts. I can't let go. I keep looking back. Take it. I am making an idol out of marriage again. Take it. I can't stop thinking about this person. Take it. I'm feeling stuck, angry, bitter.

pride, take it. Like I put my hands out like this. And I imagine Jesus just taking it, taking the burden off of me, taking it from my hands. And sometimes that looks like when I do that, tears are coming down my eyes. Sometimes it looks like 10 times a day that I do that. But this is what surrender looks like. It has having your hands open. Constant partnership with God of surrender, of being on your hands and knees, of communion with him, of being like, take this from me. It's been difficult. Yeah. Surrender hurts. It's not easy. Killing the flesh is not easy. Ringing out the pride and the jealousy and all these things and unwiring your brain of things that I have been accustomed to since I was a kid and it's not been easy. That's been really hard. But yeah, that's what carrying your cross looks like. There's something, I am like, I love that we're having this conversation because I feel like we want people to be comfortable. so badly. And we, I even see this in my own life sometimes where I'm like talking to a friend who is like either an unbeliever or half believer. And like, I'm always walking this tension of like, how far do I go? How extreme do I make this? How intense? Like it's, it's something as believers and evangelists and disciples that we have to, um, walk this really interesting tension because we're like, we don't want to lose people, right? We don't want people to be turned off to Jesus. But we also are called to tell the

complete truth, the complete truth that Jesus isn't just a genie in a bottle. Jesus isn't just a best friend. Jesus is the Lord who died for our sins, which means that if he died for our sins, we must also give up the thing that he died for. And I think it's so important for people to know that like it's like, I think it's also, it's like for anybody who's walking this walk and there's no shame in it. If you're literally watching this right now and you're like, I'm like lukewarm. Like my heart's not on fire. I really am half in and half out. I just want you to know that like we've been there. There have been moments in our three years of being on this walk where things have happened that have also put our fire out. Like literally this is this is a journey that we will

be going on forever. It is the fight of our lives to keep oil in our lamps and to keep the flame in our hearts blazing for Jesus. It's not a passive thing. And what I want to say is like the difference between being a believer and a disciple. I feel like when people ask you, like, are you a Christian? Or sometimes I ask people, like, are you a believer? Are you a believer? A lot of people believe. But there's a massive difference between being a believer and being a disciple. A disciple is somebody who follows Jesus. Jesus said, if you love me, oh, obey my commandments. Like there is a life that you're meant to live and a life that you're not meant to live as a disciple, whereas as a believer, the devil believes in Jesus, Muslims believe

in Jesus. Even atheists believe in the existence of Jesus. You know, there's a massive difference between believing in, you can even believe, I believed in the Bible. I loved the Bible. I encounter Jesus through the Bible. Yeah. And I still wasn't a true disciple because there were so many things that I'd be like, I'd read and be like, that is so awesome for other people. Saving yourself for marriage, that's great for them. Yeah. I'm just going to skip over to the parts that I like for myself. What was the shift for you? The shift for me was community. To like really following. Yeah. People. Yeah. People. People. I was being convicted. I, there was a long time. I mean, I talk about this all the time, but sin is blinding. Sin is. is this weird, like, oh, I wish, I hope when we get to heaven that God will show us like,

like a picture of like what sin is because we can't see it, but like spiritually what sin does is put these blinders on your eyes and it perverts truth and it hardens your heart. And so like because I was still having sex outside of marriage, I was swearing, I was, there's a lot more to sin than just that, by the way. I had impurity in my heart. I had so much pride was the root of almost all of. my issues, something that we face every single day. That is a daily, daily death to pride and to arrogance and to all the things. But because I had so much behavioral sin, I was so blind that I was

saved. I believed in Jesus. I loved Jesus. I had the Holy Spirit inside of me. And some people are able to lay down sin through conviction. And that's amazing. And there was some things that I was being convicted on. But I was just too prideful and I was too blind and it took people. Yeah. We've told this story. Literally, we meet one Christian who's living in purity and we go, ow. That's confronting. Yeah. So that's why having community is so incredibly important. I can tell when talk about salt losing its flavor. I can feel myself losing its flavor when I'm not around other believers. Yeah. I know. I feel it. I'm aware. And I feel. And I feel. I feel. my saltiness getting saltier when I'm with these on fire believers.

Like it's what Ari was talking about a second ago, surrender. We need to do a whole episode on surrender because I've had such an interesting journey in life and in my faith. And what I've learned the most is that like you said, God doesn't care about, he is the comforter, but he doesn't care about us being comfortable. He wants us to be comforted, not comfortable. And he doesn't want us to be comfortable in idolatry or in security in anything outside of him. The scripture, if you try to save your life, you'll lose it. But if you lose your life, then you'll gain it. What would it profit a man if he gains a whole world but loses

his own soul? That is like a scripture that we should all tattoo on our hearts to know that as a Christian as a disciple. The call of God is never, I'm going to keep you so comfortable. It's always, I'm going to bring you into situations that are going to cause you to die over and over and over again. The call of God on our lives is not come, have a perfect life. It is come and die. Die, die, die. And in your death, you receive life. You receive resurrected life. there's this quote that I love so much is it's better to fall on the rock than be crushed by the boulder humble yourself before the mighty hand of God and he will lift you up in due time. Another quote is stay humble or be humbled.

I say all this to say that there have been so many times in my Christian walk where I have humbled myself. I have seen the idolatry and handled it myself. I have handled it myself with Jesus, but I have seen sin and let the Lord convict me in it and take care of it. And there are some situations that if you don't move, God will move. And so the call of God on our lives is to die continuously, to our flesh, to our dreams. You start following Jesus and he might call you to give up everything. So there's so many moments in our lives and in our walks where the Lord is going to ask you to release things, including a job, including a relationship, because a death to self is one dying intentionally.

And then a death to self also comes in something being done that was out of your control and then having to surrender to that reality. And that is one of the hardest things that you, that's one of the hardest deaths. because you didn't choose that death. And there's so many people who are watching who either have a relationship that ended, a job that was taken from you, a child who is sick. Like there's so many ways and circumstances where God is asking you to die to yourself in that. And it comes in so many different forms. And so when it's a situation that's outside of yourself, you have to ask the Holy Spirit,

what are you asking from me in this situation? Because like you know when if you hear the Lord is like, and this like leave this job, that's like it could be, it's probably hard, but it's also exciting. You heard from him. But what do you do when it's a situation that's out of your control? It's something that you haven't, you didn't ask for, you didn't pursue it. Something that I face a lot. One of my biggest struggles ever is control. And I'm like currently, I'm so grateful to Jesus that there has been like,

OCD that's awakened in me that I am having to that I've been battling. Jesus, and this is also the Christian walk, by the way. Jesus healed me from OCD when I was younger. I had health anxiety. He healed me. And it's had a resurgence. And I love Jesus and I love therapy. I love Jesus way more than I love therapy.

He is the great physician, the ultimate healer. And he provides beautiful things like therapy. I've had to pursue many different types of trauma. trauma therapy and I'm going to also start like an OCD treatment. That's another episode, but I say that to say that because of the OCD obsessive compulsive tendencies that I have, control is my biggest thing. Yeah. And control actively works against any, any bit of surrender that's in me. Yeah. How am I supposed to surrender when my brain won't let me? I want to. I can't. You know what I mean? Um, these are like moment by moment.

that I have to face of like, this control is coming up in me and I'm going to choose not to act on it. There was a situation recently. I was talking to somebody and I felt the need to control the situation. It's like, it's my biggest thing. I felt the need. My anxiety then causes me to be like, oh, I have to do X, Y, and Z to control the situation and make it better. And I have to actively, the Lord never speaks in anxiety and in fear. And in this like anxiety will have this like impulsive like push. Like he's pushing you through the door. God never speaks like that.

He never guides like that. If Jesus is asking you to do something, it comes with peace. And not this like anxious sense of urgency. And so when I feel that come up, I'm like, I am going to do the opposite of what my control is asking me to do. I'm going to sit and do nothing. Yeah. And so that's something, that's like a daily death. for me that I have to face more often than I'd like to admit. It's like a moment by moment surrender.

And did any of that make sense? Yeah. Okay. Of course. And I think it's so simple. You literally just devote yourself to Jesus. When you wholeheartedly devote yourself to Jesus and get in that uncomfortability. I had to be so comfortable with being uncomfortable in my anxiety, in my fear, in the idolatry, in my heart, in the place where I was like had to watch everyone around me with the dreams that I thought I, with the dreams that I wanted. And so I'm watching everyone around me get married. I'm in my 30s. And I was like, but I want that. And he's like, I have to form you into the woman that you're supposed to. to be, and that includes death, a lot of it. So while everyone was getting married and out,

I was with Jesus. And so it's simple. You devote yourself. You sit, you learn the love of Jesus. And when you really learn the love of Jesus, it transforms your heart to say, what have I been doing my whole life? Yeah. How have I loved anything before? I can't believe I'm going to. It's so beautiful. I'm so passionate about this because I want you guys to are just like one foot in and one foot out and you can't let go and you're trying to control situations and you're still in that abusive relationship and you want to love Jesus but your mind I know what that feels like I was there I was there I know what that feels like to just you can't let go you can't you're just your mind is constantly going And I just like, I remember just praying for a miracle. I remember being, I feel like, please like, what is it called? Deliver me from this. Yeah.

Bring me a miracle. I didn't need a miracle. I need a discipline. Yeah. Some of you guys are praying for miracles and what you need is discipline. And it starts with devoting yourself to Jesus. And I have spent three years on my floor learning his teachings and learning his love. And it's, and I'm telling you right now, you're talking to a girl who literally

could not be without a person. And if God never brings me, I have desires, I want to get married and I really want to have kids, but if he never brought me someone, I would still be okay. Because I know what true love is and I have safety now. I have Jesus. And I want us all to get to that place. And I talk to so many young girls and they are so stuck and they can't truly walk with him because they're just, they have, it's idolatry. They have control. They're scared. And it's, and it's, and just devote yourself wholeheartedly to him. Because when you find, when you find that love that is so anchored and steady that doesn't leave, nothing else matters. And that's how you follow him wholeheartedly when you learn the love of Jesus. And then as you feel safer, like we know him as

Lord and our Savior, but we need to know him as our father, our father that we can come before and we can cry to and feel bitter to. And like David, he was a mess. He did not hold back. And that will soften our nervous systems to be able to be real with him. Yeah. And that's how we're like, oh, that's true love. that's my father. I can follow him wholeheartedly. And the more you taste Jesus, the more the world loses its flavor. Yep.

And so it was so hard for me to come from the world where I have lived a certain way my whole life and then to have to completely get stripped of that. Yeah. And I love that you said. Like sometimes I fall back. Like I fall back right now. I follow Jesus and I know what it's like to be with Jesus, but sometimes I look back.

Sometimes I fall short. Like I am still walking things out right now. I'm not perfect. And I want to like, I love that you said that because I am the most imperfect person. There are things that God rings out of me every day that I'm still trying to work on. I have pride still. I like we never want to get to the place where we think we're too good. Oh.

None of us are righteous, not one of us. And so every morning just being like, I want to have your heart today. I want to be humble like you. I want to be kind to others like you are, Lord. Like I want to be in the likeness of your image. And it's daily. To follow him is to detach from this world. And that's really hard. That's been, I know personally for me, that's been really hard for me to rewire what I have been accustomed to my whole life. But when he says that, I've set you apart. I've set you to be distinct. Isn't that so beautiful? beautiful though when you think about it. And that's like something I will always say to myself when my flesh wants to do certain things. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm set apart. I'm not going to cheapen myself and live like that because the world isn't what we think it is. And so the more you follow Jesus, the more you'll see like this world is, I don't want to be a part of that. Life with Jesus is not all about sin, right? That's why we try not to talk about sin every episode. It's not like, but the truth is like Jesus died for sin and we're called to die to ourselves and it's so important like I just feel

like a distinction of a believer is how seriously we take sin honestly yeah like how much does your heart break with sin how much like I was like I was driving the other day and I started like bawling my eyes out thinking I just like kept having this like phrase in my head like I don't know why I imagine myself, like someone asking me a question of how do you live as a follower of Jesus and not judge other people for their walks? And I just started crying, literally driving in my car, and I kept saying this like, I am a repentant sinner. I am a repentant sinner. I need Jesus just as much, if not more than everybody else. Because there's a world of brokenness inside of me. I'm whole and healed in the name.

of Jesus and there's things that I will be working through my whole life that I have to bring to Jesus. And I, repentance is such a huge part of our walks with Jesus. It's daily. Sometimes moment by moment repentance of like, man, I messed it up again. I thought the wrong thing. I reacted in the wrong way. I have to repent again.

Lord, I turn from it. And that is one of our crosses to bear that we don't just get to be comfortable in sin. Yeah. We don't just get to be comfortable in dysfunction and wrong thought patterns. A major, major, major cross to bear that I think marks a believer is the cross of broken dreams and broken plans. And I think just as much as we have to die to sin, like we have to die to to any and every ideal that we have for our lives. And for me personally, this is the most hard, hard for me. Again, with the control, I am so arrogant to think that I know how things should go,

that I know what it should look like, that I know what the plan should be down to like the exact, like, I, it is the greatest battle of my life to surrender plans and dreams and how I think things should look like. And so as a believer, guys, this is what is going to mark your life. This is how you know you're a true disciple where no matter what happens, you are like, this is clearly God, this is clearly where the Lord is calling me. This is clearly where he's calling me out of. This is clearly happening because he's orchestrated it.

I will surrender to this reality, even if I hate it, even if I don't want it. Because, again, God is way more concerned with you looking at it. like his son than you having a good life. Truly, like the holy, I've said a million times, and I'll never stop saying it because the ministry of the Holy Spirit, the work of the Spirit, is to conform us into the image of his son, all the fruit of the Spirit that our lives would testify by the fruit that we exhibit, love, peace, joy, self-control, gentleness, kindness, patience. If you're in a situation, this is even a cross to bear. If you're in a a situation where you have asked God for healing. I think what is frustrating for me in my walk

is I know that God is all knowing, all powerful, all seeing, all on mischipotin, on mippatin, all of the things. He's all of the things. He can do, he literally spoke, he breathed life into Adam. He spoke the stars into existence. Like he speaks things into existence. Like nothing is off limits for him. Nothing is hard. Could he heal a little broken heart? Could he heal a little mental health? Could he heal somebody's child when you've been praying for them your whole life? Could he restore a marriage in a moment? Like, could he do all these things at the snap of his fingers?

Yes. And that's a really frustrating reality when you're like, so then do it. Please, Jesus, I've been asking for a long time. Just do it. I don't want this pain. I don't want this idolatry. I don't want this, all the things that I'm dealing with. I'm asking you to take it.

And so then you find yourself being like, but he's not. He hasn't changed it. He hasn't taken away the pain. So what am I supposed to learn in this? What is he producing in me? Why is this now my cross to bear? And that's a cost that you have to count when you want to give your life to Jesus, that your life is no more in a generation in a culture where comfort is every.

take it from me. Yeah. I want to be comfortable. I hate being in pain. I hate being stressed. I hate having a bad day. Like if I could, I run away from pain. I avoid pain. I will do everything in my power to not even feel a negative emotion. And the call of God on my life is to face things head on and let God produce Jesus inside of me. And so if you're in a situation where you're praying and things haven't changed. Like, you have to understand coming into this Christian walk that your life is no more about your comfort. It's no more about you being as happy and everything being as perfect as possible. God will send things into your life, circumstances, situations, shake things up, take things away, rock your world to produce and form Jesus within you.

And that is that is the count. When he says count the cost, that's the cost. It's not about everything being perfect. It's about looking more like Jesus. And another cost that you can count is the fact that your life is no longer your own. It's not just about sin. We could talk about sin all day. You guys know, you know, you know, you know, you know that the cross you have to bear is to crucify your flesh day by day.

Lust, pride, lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, pride of life. like the three major sins that we find in Genesis 3, like those, yes, those are so important. But it's also like the smaller moments of like moment by moment, this is what I wanted. It's not what I'm getting. And I will surrender to that reality. And I will accept it. And I will still rejoice and be glad in the day that God has given me. And I will still believe that God is faithful.

And I will still believe that God is trustworthy and that he's good. even when nothing in my life looks good, he's still good. That is also a cross to bear. The fact that you are called to believe that God is good even when things look bad. There are moments, and I've said this before, that I meditate on the really bad, painful, distraughtful moments of my walk. And why is it that sometimes I wish I could go back there? because that is where I saw the glory of God. First Peter, I just thought of this when you were talking about, like, I don't want to be in pain.

Verse Peter, one, verse seven, these trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire test and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remained strong through many trials, it will bring much praise and glory and honor on the day when you Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. It is without the pain, without the trials, without the heartbreak, without these painful things that we go through. There is a refinement that happens, a transformation that happens in our hearts that just couldn't happen otherwise.

And how else would God get the glory? And how else would we have the faith that we do? It is only those moments that I've been through. that I could not pick my head up off the floor, that I can go back to each one of those moments and say, oh, he was real. Yeah. Oh, that's why I have faith.

Because it was through that. I just. And I want to talk to anybody who is feeling discouraged in their faith. I feel led to just tell you that like the fiery trials that Ari is talking about, they can be really scary. Yeah. and it can be really discouraging, especially if you're in a situation where it's been like a longstanding, like it's long suffering, you've been enduring for a long time. And there seems to be no movement.

And I just, we don't want anybody to feel shame if they're not like where they need to be, if their heart's not completely on fire. If you're in a situation where your cross feels too heavy to bear, I want you to know the character of God. and this is an encouragement to myself too because guess what no matter how religious and righteous and strong in my faith I feel I have faced things where I'm like I don't know if I'm going to like I don't know what's going to happen I don't know what's going to happen to me I don't know what's going to happen to my faith when we say may the Lord bless you and keep you it's not only a blessing over you it's a promise God will keep you you don't have to worry The cross is not too heavy.

He's going to keep you and he's going to see you through. Your only job is to keep showing up and to keep coming back to the basics of reading the word, praying your heart out, praying in the spirit, meditating on God's goodness, worshiping your heart out. The last few months of my life, I went through something a little bit difficult. And then the first couple of months I could not bring myself to worship. I could not bring myself to sing. And my thing with Jesus, like me and him, he always gives me a song to sing.

I've talked about it before. I wake up in the morning before I even open my eyes. Usually I have like a song on my heart, either a song that someone else wrote or a song that I've written in my heart. And I go and I don't even play worship music, but I just sing and I sing. And there's a song that talks about like he's given me this new song to sing. And I am always like, oh, this like scripture truly has. it's just my thing with him. He always gives me a song to sing. It's the way that I enter into his

presence the easiest, not by like putting on a playlist, but I just, he loves my voice. He wants to hear my song that day. The first couple of months, I could not sing. I could not worship. There was no song on my heart. I couldn't even bring myself to listen to worship in the car. Like, I don't know. I just could not worship. There was such a block and it was one of the scariest things I've ever faced because I'm like, okay, so if I don't have this, what the heck do I have? What do I have? And a couple months ago, I just started worshiping again. And like that cliche thing that we say that worship is your weapon, my heart began to sing

again because and my heart wasn't the first one. I physically had to force myself to worship when I didn't want to. And my heart and my soul and my spirit followed. And now I sing to Jesus every single morning. And like literally this morning in the secret place, I was trying to get to the word. I didn't have a lot of time. I couldn't stop singing. I was just singing over and over again.

And I was like, every time I opened my eyes, I'd close them again because I'm like, no, no, no, I want to keep singing to him. It was beautiful. It was glorious. Only because I kept showing up did I get there. And so if you're in a situation where you feel like your heart is not on fire and the cost is too high, listen to. listen to me if he has called you to it, which he has, he will see you through it. The cross is not too heavy. It's not too heavy. And if it feels too heavy, you need to get some spiritual mentors, some counselors, some people who are on fire for God to remind you who he is, that he will

see you through it. He will. He will keep you. Me, you, and Ari, and all of us, Thomas, all of us, he will keep us. I love that you say that because one, of the greatest gifts God gives us is each other. Yeah. And he will work through people. He will speak through people. He will heal you through people. We need people to do this. To be disciples and learners, we need people. So that's been the greatest thing in my walk. I don't know what I would do when I'm sometimes when it's so hard. Like it just gets too heavy. Recently, I've been dealing with, with a lot of heaviness. I told Angela's story, but I was driving in my car. I tend to numb out on my phone sometimes. I tell you guys that all the time I'm really working on it. I'm really

working on not numbing out on my phone because it truly does dull the voice of God. Absolutely. And it is, that's another thing I'm being disciplined in right now. When my mind and my flesh are telling me to go scroll on my phone, I'm yielding to the Holy Spirit and I'm not doing it. that and I'm sitting even if it's really uncomfortable. That's actually something I'm really working on right now. By the way, that's literally how you kill your flesh. Actually, it's not like you actually take your flesh off your body and nail it to something. You literally just do what Ari just said she does. You yield to the Holy Spirit. You do the opposite of what your anxiety is asking you to do. Yeah. And I was just driving in my car. It's, I love when God partners with you and he just speaks

through you and he talks to you. It's so cool. It's so cool. But I didn't even know the scripture and I'm driving and all of a sudden I say in this like very gently, awake, go sleeper rise again, let Christ shine on you. And I go, oh my gosh. I was like, what is it? I pull over. I look up the scripture and it means you're spiritually dull. You're spiritually dead. Wake up. Let Christ shine on you. I love that. I repetitively say that scripture over. myself. So not numbing out, having people around you to help you, to pray for you, becoming teachable. Listen, why do you think God says you must become like a little child? Yeah, I love this. Enter into his presence like a child, like a dependent, hungry. Be hungry for him. And be humble.

Would I say in my prayer time, teach me how to sit here. I want to get up. I want to make a coffee. I want to go run errands. I want to be on my phone. Like, teach me. Help me to be patient. Help me to sit here. Like, be like a little child. Tell him. Tell your father. Starting your day in the morning with him.

I think that's probably the most crucial and important thing. How do we start our day without the Lord? I don't know. Get up early if you have work at whatever. Set your alarm. Like these little things, it changes the trajectory of your whole day. Start your day with him. remain in me and I will remain in you moment by moment remaining in him to being dependent on him this is what being a

disciple and having relationship with Jesus looks like and then we're just going to end it with this to Timothy be strong through the grace that God gives you in Jesus Christ you have heard me teach things that had confirmed by many reliable witness now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to them on to others. Being a disciple is not just for us. It's for the life of everybody else. It's a ripple effect. Pay the price of being a disciple. It has transformed my family, my friends, teach them. Go out and make disciples. Be a disciple. Go out and make disciples. Please. Yes. One literally last thing. What Ari said earlier is so unbelievably important. And I think when we talk about the cost of being a disciple. This is crucial. You have to be teachable and you have to be humble. You cannot go into this

thinking you know everything. You cannot go into this thinking that you can't go into this being set in your ways. We will forever have so much to learn and change and heal from. Like it is a, it's just a never-ending thing. And whatever ideas that you have in your mind about what life or faith or anything should look like you have to be open. You have to be open. I see so often people are stuck spiritually because they're just not open and they're not teachable and they think that they know more than everybody else around them and they think that they don't have anything else to learn. It's not the case. So be open, be teachable and understand that God is going to send you people who are going to tell you things that sometimes you don't want to hear and it is so important

that you hear it. And the people who are telling you not to sin love you so much more than the ones who are turning a blind eye to it, truly. Trust the people in your life who tell you the things you don't want to hear. It's so important. Be careful of yes people. Listen to the people who don't freely listen, use wisdom. You know, listen to the Holy Spirit. But I just think that's so important, you know?

Yeah. My dog. We love you guys so much. Thank you for being here with us. Go and be a disciple. Count the cost. You got this. May the Lord bless you and truly, truly keep you all the days of your life.

May he make his face shone upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you true peace. Shalom, shalom. Love you.