Girls Gone Bible - Singleness Scaries w/ Manouchka Charles | Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

Hiii GGB :) Today on Girls Gone Bible, we're joined by the amazing Pastor Manouchka Charles! We're talking all things singleness, dating, trusting God's timing, and her new book, *Singleness Is a Piece of Cake*. Because being single doesn't mean your life is on hold, and there's so much purpose in the season you're in. This conversation is SO good. 🥹❤️ Her new book, Singleness Is a Piece of Cake, is all about learning to embrace the season you're in, finding purpose beyond your relationship status, and trusting that your life doesn't have to be on hold while you wait for love  https://www.pieceofcakebook.com/ Huge thank you to our sponsors! 1. NOCD https://nocd.com Book a free 15-minute call to learn more. 2. OSEA https://oseamalibu.com Get 10% off your first order with code GGB. 3. DOSE https://dosedaily.co/GGB Get 35% off your first subscription with code GGB. 4. PUORI https://puori.com/GGB Get 32% off your first subscription order of Grass-Fed Whey Protein with code GGB, plus a free premium shaker worth $30. 5. GCU https://gcu.edu Take action. Find your purpose. 6. JONES ROAD BEAUTY https://jonesroadbeauty.com Get a free full-sized mascara with your first purchase using code GGB.

Hey guys, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. And as you know, if I'm on the side of the table, we have somebody very special at the table with us. We have our girl, Manuska, with us today. Hi, Manuska. How are you? Oh, I'm so good.

I'm so happy to be here. We, you have no idea. We've been following your journey. You are, first of all, this is a pastor, a author. A new found author. Come on first time. Come on first time. Come on.

I have a couple of things I want to talk about before we start. So number one, my best friend that lived in Miami, she, I think you were teaching, you were kicking off the series of dating Delilah. It was called. What was it? Food or something, food? What was it? Oh, like a message that I preached about food.

I called it, there's food at home. There's food at home. There's food at home. And so she was just trying to figure out her journey with Jesus. And she was sitting in the crowd. and you were preaching. And you were talking about, you know, celibacy and stuff. And she says in her head, she goes, man, I'm going to miss out on so much if I go into

celibacy. She says this in our head. And then all of a sudden, and you go, no, you won't. That's what she said. She said, no, you won't. And my friend Madison was sitting there and she goes, oh, my gosh. And after that day, she laid her life down and went into celibacy. Manuska, come on.

God spoke through you. Of the spirit. I think that message was really about, I'm talking about this food at home, talking about food at the father's house. And sometimes we desire what's on the outside. Luke 15 is a story about the prodigal son leaving the father's house.

There's a famine in the land. But the Bible talks about there being food in the father's house. Because by the time he gets back home, it says get the fat and calf, we're going to have a feast. So if everybody else has a famine, but there's this feast happening

in the father's house, it's that reminder that everything that I need is at the father's house. And so I think when I was talking about that, that message wasn't necessarily about celibacy, but I was talking about specific things that people have a hard time giving up because they're like, if I give this up, then I'm going to be missing out on this.

And I'm like, you're not missing out when you're in the father's house because everything you need is in the father's house. So to know that the Lord has used that because I think that was maybe a few years ago, to know that the Lord used that to let somebody decide to take that decision. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. My goodness. Yeah. And so then I had been kind of venting to her about my season of singleness. I was going through a really hard time. And so she sent me your sermon, and that was the first time I heard of you. Wow.

Singleness is a piece of cake. All my titles have something to do with food. And I listen to you. And you know when you watch something and it's like Jesus speaks to you through a a sermon and it just changed. I was like I was weeping and I just it changed something in my heart. And after watching you, I was able to deal with signalness a lot better. I'll tell you that. So I just thank you and we honor you and you are truly such a voice of this generation. You are unbelievable. Such a mighty, amazing woman of God. So thank you so much for being here.

Listen, thank you. That encourages me because sometimes we don't know how our story is going to affect other people. So true. Because we're just like, all right, it's just my story. But then it takes a level of bravery to share it. I think you both know that. I think you've been on a journey where you're sharing what the Lord has revealed to you and your vulnerability, your bravery is allowing people to see Jesus in a different way. Yeah. You know, I remember when you guys, you guys came to our church, you came to Vukon, like three, I think it was like three years ago. Yeah. But it was beautiful to see. I mean, people were texting me begging to figure out how to get in that room. And every text was just like, you don't understand how they have helped me to understand the Bible and God.

I need to just be in that room. And so the impact that your ministry has on so many different people is, it's incredible to see that when you make a decision. I think that's just all of our stories. When we make a decision to lay our life down and be honest before God and to just share a journey, I don't know everything. I don't have all the answers. But if I can just share what the Lord is speaking to me, I can trust that he's going to use it to bless other people. and so well thank you you you didn't need to come here to encourage us but that was so encouraging thank you

no but seriously with you i mean literally the second that i even met you in person like you have god all over you like you are so clearly anointed by god chosen and i hope you know every day of your life like that not one word that you speak goes void you're always like everything that you preach um it lands in people's hearts and like we're just so grateful for you seriously Thank you, Jesus. Yes. I have so many questions. Let's go.

I can't wait. We can go. So first I just want to say, do you ever, and I know I'm jumping the gun, but this is a question on my heart. Do you ever feel vulnerable as a single woman in ministry? I think that God has been really kind where I don't think that's my normal feeling, only because I feel. I feel like what I have been able to, these past 10 years, I've been in ministry for 10, 11 years. I've been a part of Vue Church, have been always empowered. Yeah.

I think that I've always been in a space where I have been empowered. And even growing up, I grew up in Brooklyn, and I felt like women were always empowered in ministry. Oh. And then you like read comments and you realize that, oh, people don't agree with this. And so I think I was very fortunate to grow up in a place where I'm, a lot of the people that I looked to were women in ministry. And I saw the way that they led so powerfully. And then when I moved to Miami, I just have pastors who are like, I want you guys to run and do the best that you possibly can in ministry.

And so it was not until I got exposed to people who think differently. It's not like I never knew that people didn't, you know, always maybe champion women in ministry. But I think I got to see it a little bit more. But I think for me personally, it was never, like, projected to me. If there was ever a time that I felt vulnerable, it was maybe me feeling like, oh, can I really do this? It was more of an internal thing versus external.

Got it. And so me having to really believe if the Lord has put me in a place, I'm here for a reason. Yeah. But I think I've been very fortunate to externally be really supported and champion in ministry. It's so good. That's so encouraging because we can feel uncomfortable. I know I told you off camera. So, yeah, I think there's just sometimes just a bit of a stigma in the, you know, in the church, which like it's understandable.

Everyone wants to be married and I get it. I think sometimes, like especially being not 19 years old, people are like, you're single. Why? And I think like for me, for example, I've been single for the last year and like the work that the Lord has done in me this last year is invaluable. like and I and it is worth every second of it so yeah I might not be married yet but like there are some things I needed to be healed and sanctified and and recognized and so you just can't like judge someone else's experience based off like well so what's wrong with them if they're still same old and that's usually the thing where people are like and sometimes people don't say it but it's like in in certain ways like I've had some experiences somebody was like oh so what he asked me was like do you have a family and I was like yeah I got a mom a dad yeah I got a dog at home at home and I'm I was like, but if you're asking me if I have a husband and kids, no, I don't have a family. And like little subtle things, I think people will, you know, maybe have a curiosity as to, oh, why aren't you married yet? And I think that's something that takes time and discipline to, like, I think it's up to us to protect our hearts against what other people might project onto us.

And really take to heart of like, the Lord is using me in this season regardless. I like that relationship status doesn't, God's not like, I'm only going to use married people. I'm only going to use, I'm watching him use so many people. And they're in the same place that we're in. Like, just trying to figure out, all right, we're in ministry, God has called us. And it's up to us to not limit ourselves because of it. Yes. Because we can have limiting beliefs just because of what other people have projected on us.

And so I have to be careful to not limit my beliefs just because of what somebody else thinks their restriction is because they're single. Well, there's even so much I've said in my journey, even starting ministry. that I couldn't have done if I was married. Do you ever feel, do you feel like that? 100%. When I was writing the sermon, singleness is a piece of cake,

I write my sermons at WeWork. And usually sometimes I'm there until 11 p.m. And I remember when I was writing the sermon, and I was like, Lord, I just felt like I was going to do something with it because of the amount of time that was going into it. It was way more time than I'd ever spent on a sermon. And I remember it being late at night, and I recorded a video of myself.

and I'm like, I could not do this if I was married. I was like, it is 11.30, and I've been up here three times a week, writing, prepping, praying. I know that this is something that I could only do single. I was like, yes, there's lots of amazing things that you can do when you're married, but I just knew that specifically what I was doing in that season, I was just like, there's no way that I could just come home at midnight if I have kids from writing a sermon. I was like, I'd have to figure out a different way or pocket to do it. And so I just know that there's certain things that have been birthed this season that was only possible because I'm not married yet and because I don't have kids.

And so I think that part is like, okay, I don't want to waste any of it because this time is very crucial and very valuable. And I want to make sure that I'm utilizing to the best of my ability. But yeah, I definitely know that there's certain things that I would not be able to do. Yeah. I was married for sure. No, go ahead. I was going to say that I'm so glad that you wrote this book because I just feel like it's crucial. for so many people. They are like, they feel forgotten. They feel abandoned by God. They feel like

is something wrong with me. So I'm just, this is so encouraging that you wrote this book. So let's get into it. Tell us what this book means. Singleness is a piece of cake. And also, I want to know why you use cake as a metaphor for it. When I was first asked to preach a message, my pastor, which was like, hey, Manishka, do you want to preach about singleness? And my first, like, my first knee-jerk reaction I was like, oh my gosh, if I preach this message, I'm about to be the poster child for singleness. I was like, I'm already single with no relationship in sight. This is just, and then I knew that me preaching this was going to require me to be vulnerable. Vulnerable, yeah.

And I'm like, the moment that I'm vulnerable, I'm like, that could also scare somebody away. And so I, like, all these thoughts were going through my mind, but in the same breath, I'm like, I need to. Wow. I'm like, especially in the community that I'm a part of, I'm like, who else is going to preach this message about singleness? Yeah. the pastors on our team are married. Yeah. I'm single.

Who needs to talk to the singles? I was like, I felt a responsibility. And so I started doing some research. I was like, all right, let me see what's out there about singleness. I started thinking about my life doing some research. And I was like, I cannot put this into just like one lane. I felt like there were so many layers to it. And so at first I was like, all right, I'm going to talk about like the layers of singleness.

That was like my initial thought about the layers of singleness. And it was Valentine's Day. I remember this so clearly because I went to whole foods. I like to cook. And so I went to go get their dollar oysters. They do oysters for a dollar. I was like, I didn't know that. A little steel.

And I was like, I'm going to make myself a nice little dinner. And it was like the first Valentine's Day that I was like not having any expectations. Because sometimes on Valentine's Day, you're like, well, maybe somebody will pop up. Maybe somebody will ask me out. Maybe, you know, so I was like, I was like, I. I actually had, I was like, there's zero, there's nobody on my roster. Nobody's about to hit me up right now. I'm going to go get oysters.

I was like, I'm going to get oysters. I'm going to go home. I'm going to make some food and I'm going to enjoy my day. I'm driving home and then this thought, because I'm thinking about like the layers of singleness. And I'm like, singleness is a piece of cake. Cake has layers. And the thought I was like, I was like, singleness is a piece of cake. I'm like, singleness is not easy, but it's layered.

So good. And so I started to just like develop that concept where I'm like, all right, it's the layers of a cake. The ingredients that goes into a cake, I was like, singleness is a piece of cake. It's layered. Everybody has their own slice. It's unique because while I was trying to research and study and prep for the sermon, I'm often thinking about who I'm going to preach to. And I'm like, there's going to be so many people in the room. Also, people in the room are going to be married.

It's still a Sunday service. So I have to, I was like, I got to preach the gospel. I got to preach on singleness. It felt like I had so many things to do and get done in one sermon. and the best way that I could even get that in my mind was like, it's layered. And it's unique. And I'm trying to hit everybody's felt need. But the best thing that I could do for people is let them know that your season is unique.

And I'm not going to try to box you into whatever it is that we've been boxed into. Because people's, you know, how long you've been single, why you're single, everybody gets boxed into one thing. But everybody is a different story of singleness. And so for me, I was like, okay, how? how can I communicate that we all have a different story, but the ingredients that goes into every season of our lives actually matter. And so that's really where that concept of cake came in. And I just love food.

I'm just like, I've always been like the foodie. And so I was like, of course I would get a food for the little title for this thing. But it felt like I could really get into the depth of certain things to talk about singleness in layers. Because at one point, I'm like, okay, you've got this external layer. And it's like, all right, how I love.

look, you know, how I dress, the things that people could actually see about me, right? They can see my character, all the physical things that people could see is the external layer. But then as I kept on thinking about it, I'm like, there's an eternal layer. I also want to think about my relationship status in light of eternity. What is God doing in my life that matches with what he is doing in eternity? And so I really got this picture. I'm like, there's two layers. Is the external layer? The layer and the eternity. eternal layer. And it was helpful because I'm like, I'm getting ready to preach to my church and some people are going to be walking through those doors and they don't know Jesus. And so I want to preach about eternity and not just I want to be married here on earth. I want to be able to give people a wider scope and a bigger picture of what this is, but then also preach the gospel at the same time. Yeah. So good. Are those the only two layers in singleness cake? Or can you So I break down the layers.

Can you give us a couple? Yeah. So within the external layer, I'm really talking about how we can be strategic in our season. Yeah. Because what I find is it oftentimes we don't have a strategy for our singleness. We just kind of like, all right, whatever happens happens. Yeah, that's what we're doing. What's the strategy?

What's the strategy? And so to me, I think it's important for everybody to realize whatever season you're in, you have to know the strategy for your season. I have to understand and ask, all right, Holy Spirit, what is the strategy for the season that I am in? And it's not just about me trying to get out of a season, but for me to make sure that I'm learning everything that season has for me. Because I think in illustrations and because I think in food, one of the things I say is don't leave a season unseasoned. And when I think about food, the food I like the most, I grew up, I'm Haitian, I grew up around all kinds of Caribbean culture, African food. So it's just like, you name it, there's just flavor in there.

I did my first Haitian dish. No way would you have. Yes. It was rice, beans, and a meat that was so seasoned. Yes. Where? Mama Abba made it for me. Oh, so sweet.

She's like my mentor. She's Haitian too. Really? Yeah. And that food got, it has seasoned. My stomach had to get used to it. You know what I mean? I was seasoning.

It's spices. And so this is what I'm like, I grew up around all of this. And so I'm like, I don't want to be, I don't want to be bland. And so there's oftentimes we're in a season. that God's trying to season us, add flavor to us. And what we do is we just like, we're just like, all right, the season is I'm here and I'm just going to do whatever. But I'm like, you want to utilize that season to actually be seasoned. And so some strategies that I even talk about is like, all right, do you have a strategy for your finances?

Good. Do you have a strategy for your mental health? Do you have a strategy for your, what God has called you to do your purpose? Right. Do you have a strategy for your relationships that aren't just your romantic relationships? because we focus so much about getting that romantic relationship. But when I get in a relationship that I don't stop being a daughter. I don't stop being a friend.

I don't stop being a pastor. I need to learn how to be able to do relationships in that way as well. And so for me, it's like it's having strategy for different areas of my life. But then even looking at my life and realizing, okay, where am I weak? What area am I really strong? And one of the things that I do every year I take a little solo retreat. It's like two days by myself. before I'm just praying, seeking the Lord,

and then evaluating those specific areas of my life. So I kind of go through, you know, the layers or the errors of my life. And I'm like, all right, how was my health this year? I said I was going to be in the gym and I didn't really make it to the gym that often. Or I said that I was going to run and I kind of, I bought the shoes, but I never really did anything about it. Yeah. And so I just am truthfully honest about where I'm at.

I'm like, all right, cool. Did I save? Did I invest? How are my finances? And so those, there's certain categories that I look at that I'm like, I want to make sure that I have a strategy for each one of those areas in my life and that I'm not waiting for somebody to come along for me to be like, oh, I need to think about my finances now. Or I need to think about my mental health. Or I need to think about my physical health or my spirituality. Am I growing spiritually?

Those are one of the categories too. And so for me, it's like going through those layers. And so that's the external for me. and then when I go into the eternal, the way that I look at the eternal layer is what the Lord is doing in my life in light of what he wants to do in heaven. I think for us, if you're married, if you look through the scripture, all of these parables, you've got parables, you've got stories that all point to marriage and like the beauty of marriage. And I had to ask myself, I'm like, all right, if you have all these parables about marriage,

Where do single people fall into that? Like how do I become more like Christ if I'm not married, if marriage is supposed to help us become more like Christ, if that is the picture. And what I have found, it's like singleness is a prophetic look. Marriage is the parabolic look because I can, I'm living it out. But while I'm single, it is prophetic. I'm not yet there, but I now get to be devoted to God.

God the way that I would be devoted to a spouse. That's right. And so can I live that level of devotion, regardless of having a spouse, can I be devoted to God? Can I be devoted to what he's called me to in this season? And so it's that level of devotion. And then I read Revelation 19. It's the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.

And I remember, and I was reading it because I had a friend and, you know, maybe you have friends who said this. My friend was like, if I don't get married, I'm going to be really mad. at God. You know, we probably all thought this too. We're just like, Lord, what are you doing? I've done everything you told me to do. And that's the thing, because sometimes we're just like, well, I did everything. Shouldn't I get this thing? But marriage is not some reward for doing all the right things. And our singleness is not a punishment because we are, it's like, all right, well, if I, if I learn how to cook, then maybe I'll be eligible for marriage. Exactly. If I go to therapy, maybe I'll be eligible for

marriage is like, no, I should do those things because it actually helps me to become better, but I'm not doing them solely to get married. And so I had a friend who was just like, if I don't get married, I'm going to be really mad at God. And, you know, I was like, I get it. I understand. And I felt like the Lord was like, everybody will be married. And I'm like, okay. You know, I was like, let me sit on that.

Because everybody's not going to get married here on earth. Your follower of Jesus, Revelation 19 talks about the marriage supper of the Lamb. and it talks about us being married, the bridegroom, this beautiful depiction of what heaven looks like. Right. And I had a realization in that moment. I'm like, okay, I really want to get married here on earth. But there's a wedding that I don't want to miss. And I don't want to miss the wedding in heaven.

Yeah. And I don't want to do all these things here on earth and still miss the wedding in heaven. And so for me, that's the eternal layer. I'm like, there is a wedding that is more important, more extravagant than the wedding that is here on earth. And God can do both. but I want to make sure that I know which one is a priority. That's so good. I love everything that you just said.

I just said a whole lot. I'm so sorry. Stop. This is, are you kidding me? I feel so deeply encouraged even in my own heart because it is so easy to feel like being single is a punishment. And it's so easy to feel like, oh, of course. And not even in like a self-condeming way, but just kind of like a, I thought so many times,

okay, so the reason I'm not married is because. because I need to do this, this, this, and that. So I'm going to do two years worth of therapy in three months because that's what I think I need to do. And like doing all these things as if it's been a punishment that I'm single. What would you say to people who feel ashamed because they do need more healing? And maybe they weren't ready to get married yet. What would you say to those people?

Yeah, I think timing is everything. And I think learning how to trust God's timing and not be, sometimes we talk about grace, but we don't give grace to ourselves, grace to look at the mistakes that we've made and actually put them in the past. Like the Lord says that he puts our sins in a sea of forgetfulness, but I feel like we go fishing and we're just like, well, Lord, remember what I did or remember, you know. Why do we do that? We grab the things that the Lord is trying to free us from.

I don't think anybody should be ashamed if they weren't ready or ashamed if they have to do more work on themselves because we all have to do it. It's not something that it's important for us as single people to know is like, you don't stop working on yourself after you get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's going to be a constant journey of growing and learning. And so for people who feel like maybe they mess up something that was good or they were like, well, I should have did this or I should have did that. It's like we have to learn how to forgive ourselves. That's so good.

So many people feel like that. Yeah, of like, oh, I miss my window. I mean, they'll spend years dwelling. Like, if I would have done this different, I would still be with that person. Can you just, yes, sit there for a minute? It's like we cannot change the past. Yeah. But we can move forward to our future and trust that God has a better future for us.

Even when we mess our future up. You think about King David and you think about how he, you know, sinned against God. But then he writes this beautiful Psalm in Psalm 51 and he's praying and crying for mercy, creating me a clean heart. Yes, I messed up. This was not God's original intent or plan. But I am going to still trust God and believe that he still has good things for us.

We just have to, I think our viewpoint of God needs to. That's what it is. Yeah, because once we look at God as not this person, it's like, oh, you messed up and I'm going to make sure that you never get married. Oh, you ruin that thing. And I'll never. I was like, no, he's a good father. And he loves us. And so it's like, I could have messed up and God can still redeem. And redemption doesn't mean that I go back to the thing that I used to have. Redemption is God can create a whole new story for me. Yeah. Do you think this is probably a little existential, but do you think I think something that we get a law is people asking, can you mess up what God has for you in terms of either a career or a relationship? Do you think that you can.

can mess up what God has for you? I honestly think people can mess it up. But that does mean God can't fix it. Yeah, that's right. I do think there are some things that with our decisions, things that we have done, that it was not God's intent for us. Of course. Because if I go out right now and do something that is sinful against God,

that is not his, that was not his intent for me, that does not mean that through repentance and through healing that he cannot rewrite a story and give me a new path. And I think that's the key part. It's like, I could mess up and God can still restore me. Yes. And I think it really is just truly about having a repentant heart. Like acknowledging your weakness and your brokenness and just being like,

but I truly do repent and I truly do want to right my wrongs. Because God knows what we're going to mess up. I know. And so he has a plan. Why can't he just stop it? I bet he tries. I know. I know.

One of the other comments that we always get is like, because that's all I preach about is singleness because it changed my life. I'm the woman I am because of my singleness. But women will be like, aren't even men. Well, I will talk to me when you've spent 20 years single. Right. What do you say to them? Because I think you need more time.

No, no. Like I'm still single. It's been 20 years or 10 years. Yes. Yeah. I think that. the beautiful thing about I can speak from a place, I can still speak to somebody who is in a different season that I'm in.

Totally. Where I'm like, I might not be in the exact season, the exact scenario. And I think that that's what I try to convey in this, because I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know everybody's story. Like I have friends. We talk. We get glimpses of stories. But I do think that God gives us a supernatural wisdom enough to minister and to love and to speak

to people from that place. And I think people have to be open enough. to receive wisdom and counsel, especially when it comes from the Bible. And so, you know, because people are like, well, I'm pretty sure there's people who are like, I'm 40, 50, 60. And they're still waiting. And they're like, what do I do when I'm still? And I'm struggling with that with loneliness still.

Yeah. I think that is so hard because it's like we only can speak to this season and we're in. I think we're in our 30s and we can speak to the season that we're in. And there are people just like, all right, I've been in this longer. I think that just requires continued dependency on the Lord. And that it's hard because everybody won't get married here on earth. And sometimes we either have to surrender that to the Lord. But that doesn't mean that we need to give up.

I have this thought where I was like, I want to be content, but I also want to content. So I'm content in my season. I've read what the Bible says, be content. but I don't want to give up contending, meaning I want to continue to pray. If I still have that desire, I have to live on both sides of the scale. I'm too good.

I'm content where God has for me, but best believe I'm going to pray. I'm going to fast. I'm going to believe God. I'm going to get people around me. And I'm going to continue to contend to believe God for what he is going to do in my life. It's never too late.

You know, somebody had messaged me the other day, and she was like, well, I'm 43. I got married at 43. And I was like, I love it. I love hearing the stories. of the people who just like, I got married at this age and married at this age and I'm so happy. And so it's like it can happen now. It can happen later on in life.

But I do think that I would tell people, never give up on what you want. But we do have to learn how to live in contentment. And living in contentment does not mean I'm going to have a good day every day. Exactly. Like, I mean, I've had waves. Sometimes I'm like, I love being single. I'm on vacation with my girls and we're having a good time. And then Christmas rolls around and everybody's in their matching PJs with their,

with their man and their kids and I'm like, oh gosh. And so it comes in waves and it's giving yourself permission to feel. Like we're not robots. And so, yes, you're going to feel lonely sometimes. Yes, you're going to feel, you know, hurt sometimes. But we have to learn how to live in the joy of the Lord.

Exactly. But then whenever that thing dips, talk to somebody, tell somebody, I think it's a point to not live in that thought, isolated. Yeah, yeah. Like bringing that to other people is like, hey, I'm really feeling lonely right now. I love that. And when God says it, it's not good for man to be alone. I don't think that's exclusive to a spouse.

It's not good for any of us to be alone. Of course. We need each other. We need community. And so people being in community, I think, is important for us to not live in a place of isolation or loneliness. Yeah. So good. You really popped off on, that's not my type.

It was from a living experience, you know. That was so good. Why do you think that resonated with so many people? You know, I think it resonated because a lot of us, whether we want to admit it or not, have accepted less than what we should have at one point or another, where we have accepted the bare minimum or accepted somebody treating us a way that we shouldn't have or us trying to, there's plenty of times where I was like, let me try to make this work on my own or if I do this and I do that. maybe I can make this relationship work. And to me, I think people resonated with it because they're like, some people was like, you know what, actually, I have let some of these people who shouldn't be my type become my type. I have become complacent because I talk about it. I was like, if you could slide into my DMs and can't slide into the presence of God, you're not my type.

Yeah, can you tell them what you said for the people. It's so good. No, you had to get out of here. Come on. Because I was like, there's plenty of people. I was like, I was like, you, you don't even serve at church, you know. What's another one that I said? I was like, if you know every lyric to God's plan but don't know God's actual plan.

I was like, you could quote Drake, but you can't tell me what Psalms 100 said. I was like, I got to have some kind of standards. And then I didn't want to leave the, I didn't want it to just be like, I'm getting at guys. But I was like, all right, guys, let's talk about the girls that were actually going after. I was like, if you're saying that you're looking, I was like, if she's looking for a boaz. but she's acting like Delilah, she's not your type. And so I was like,

if the girls that you're trying to attract, don't act like what you are saying that you want. I'm like, let's all come to the conclusion that we need to not look for the things that are not good for us. And so I kind of just like rattled off a bunch of those. And people were just kind of just losing it. And it was one of those things where I was like,

okay, I think we hit something here where it's important for us to actually identify Sometimes what we don't do is we don't identify a pattern. And so you could be in a pattern but not identify, oh, I'm kind of dating the same people or I'm kind of falling for the same things. But then when you start to recognize patterns, you're like, oh, the scales kind of fall off. Yeah. And you're like, I won't accept that anymore. And I had to come to that conclusion in my own life of like, nah, I've allowed myself to accept the bare minimum.

And that's not something that like I knew all the right things. You know? My friend was like, oh, you know your worth in theory, but not in practice. And I was like, hmm, you're right because of what I've allowed myself to accept. And so I don't think any of us are exempt sometimes from making bad decisions. But we have to come to an awareness of, all right, where's my decision making coming from? I need to get to the root of certain things so that I can start making the better decision. in a scenario.

I have a question for you. What do you think about this? Because I think I, for example, I'm probably someone who can see something like a red flag or see something that's like maybe a character flaw and then be like, oh, but everybody's broken. Oh, but I have this. What do you think is a good balance? And I know that this is a loaded question, but a good balance between this is a sign to walk away.

like this is a red flag, a character flaw that you just can't accept versus an area in someone's life that they can grow in. Yeah. Like when do you say, oh, no, that's it. I think teachability is the best sign for us. I actually, as I was kind of preparing for just the book

and all these different things, I was sitting with my friends. We do this retreat. We go to Josh Retree and we kind of just hang. And I was working on like a quiz. I was like, I want to kind of help. identify people's like dating type, you know. And so I kind of worked on this quiz. And I started identifying different things and patterns that I would see in my friends because my friends would

go on a date. We would debrief. And I'm like, we've talked about this before. And so they're like, there's like seven archetypes that I've identified. And one of them, as you're saying that, I call it the potential pursuer. Right. And this is the person who pursues potential. they'll see something good in somebody, but they'll also see something negative. And they're just like, okay, which one outweighs the other? And I think when we have that mindset, I think it's a beautiful thing.

But there's certain ways to make decisions of, is this like, is this a character flaw? Is this a thing that's going to persist? And I think one of the ways is when you have a conversation with that person, does anything change? Not immediately. are they willing to change and do you see the patterns

of that actual shift? Because if we don't, I believe in giving people a chance but we have to not do it to their detriment. You know, I think you gotta give things time but give it a time limit. It's like, okay, over a period of time,

have I seen any growth or any change in this specific thing that I want to see in a person? Because I think the older we get, the more that we actually expect people to maybe have it together in a sense, because I'll have some people who's like, yeah, when I marry my man, he was broke and he didn't have any money.

And I was like, y'all were also 18 years old. Yeah, totally. And so it's like trying to put that on, you know, 30-year-olds are saying that you should do the same thing. I was like, that's two different stories of potential. And so sometimes you have to categorize potential because it really does depend on the seasons of life that we find ourselves in because potential could have really worked out for somebody. Because we've got to be really careful when we hear people's stories of, oh, he was a mess and he was this and he was that. and now he's the best husband on Earth. It's like, that might not be your story.

So proceed with caution. But I think listening to the Holy Spirit, seeing their pattern. There's some people that you can notice when they're willing to actually change and identify and do the work. And it might not be perfect immediately because there are things, Ari and I talked about this a couple episodes ago, like the beauty of committed relationships and friendships where you both are aware that both people need to grow

and break off patterns of toxic conflict. example. And it's like giving someone the like this space to be like, okay, I told you you did mess up again, but like let's work through this and like let's try again next time. So there's like the beauty of like a safe relationship like that where you could be like, all right, let's work through this one more time. Let's try to figure it out. I want to ask you one more question. Something we see a lot within the faith can be like an over spiritualization when it comes to dating. Yeah. And I've seen it from both sides. I've seen some people not include the Lord at all in dating and have it be strictly just like desire and whatever you think, you know, this person can do for you or how they make you look or how this is good for your life or benefits you. And then we have the complete other way where it's like, God told me that this person who's never spoken to me before is my husband or my wife. You know what I mean? And so can we have the complete other way where it's like, God told me that this person who's never spoken to me before is my husband or my husband or my wife. You know what I mean? And so can we have,

We just talk about the danger of the over spiritualization and maybe things you've seen. You're a pastor. Yeah. I can't imagine the things you've seen. So can you just talk about that? Yeah. I always, I joke around with my friend because we've had several people like, that's my husband. It's always the cutest guy in church.

Yeah. I'm like, the Lord never said that about, you know, steady Eddie over there. I was like, it's always the cutest guy in church that the Lord told you. I was like, can the Lord give you a word about the guy that you, you know, that everybody's not wanting to be with him? It's just like, that's an interesting way to. I was like, the Lord can't be giving everybody the same words. So I think that there is definitely a balance to it because God gives us the ability to make decisions, right? Through the Holy Spirit.

And so not including the Lord is dangerous, but then utilizing what God told me this and God told me that. It's just like, okay, great. We understand that. But then you also have to use your own discernment, your law. your common sense. Like that also has to play into it. And it's a dangerous game because a lot of people sometimes can feel manipulated. I've had people tell me, like somebody called me, this was years ago.

This was like year 2019, they were like, I know who your husband is, saw him in a dream. And I was like, and I'm excited because I'm like, oh, snap. You ought to be careful. That's who's my husband. Yeah. And she tells me, I was like, oh, I don't know if that's my husband. And then she tells him. I'm not that people have heard.

Somebody else. And then she tells him, hey, like, I think, I think when she's your wife. And he was like, all, cool, I'm going to pursue her. And we attempted, right? We tried a few times because we got this word. And part of me started to feel guilty. And I was like, is there something wrong with me? Wow.

Because I'm not connecting in the way that I should be connecting if this. And then I started to feel, am I missing out on my? my husband because I'm not connecting with this person. And that's how it can be dangerous sometimes in church, where I really was like, Lord, I need you to speak to me. I can't just take it from somebody else's word or somebody said that I'm their wife. I was like, I was like, Lord, you have to confirm it for me because what tends to happen, and I think I carried a whole lot of that for a long time, especially when we're in ministry.

I heard somebody say this the other day and it kind of helped set me free on some things. Because sometimes I don't know if you guys get this. there's like, oh, the man that you're going to be with, he's going to have to be this and he's going to have to be that. He's going to have to be so strong to handle you. And people say it as a compliment. I know. Makes me feel like a big, bad lady.

And then you feel this like, and then you put that pressure on somebody you mean. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, well, is he this or is he, you know, somebody was like, I don't know who's going to marry you because you're so amazing. And I'm like, oh, I'm like that instead of that feeling like a compliment that was like, I'm so amazing that nobody can marry me or there's nobody that. is going to be out there to marry me.

And so there's certain things that we hear where I think I started to take on a feeling of like, well, this man has to be like the most spiritual man in the world and he has to do this. And he got to speak in tongues and he got to know Greek and Hebrew. He sounds like me. He sounds like. He sounds like.

He sounds like. Literally beacon tongues. And know the Greek and Hebrew. Stop. That's not real. Was that in your list? No. But I think speaking in tongues was on my list. And then I talked to my mentor.

And she was just like, everybody doesn't have to get. gift of tongues. And that don't mean that I feel so convicted. And I don't want to you and they can receive the gift of tongues. But I had to like, because I was putting this, this like, churchy spiritual label on this person, almost like, who can

attain that? Yeah. And if he doesn't have this, this, this, this. And if he isn't this like person, but it's like, we can grow together. We can learn together. And so part of some of that is like, especially for women in ministry that we have to like, we're not, we're not going to just take anybody.

Yeah. But we also can't discount somebody who maybe does not have all those things. But I didn't think that puts so much pressure on men either. Maybe that's why. I feel like that puts a lot of pressure on men.

Like they think they have to obtain this. Oh yeah, of course. I can't. I can't. I can't. I've definitely had guys of like, that's how. There's a,

I never could be with you. I know. Same. It was like, you're too this. You're to that. And it's like, and it's like, these are compliments, but not. I don't think the same time. It's like we. But then I think if we even, it's not, it's not about taking anybody, but it's also about

trusting that God's going to bring us the right person to compliment us. Yeah. Not to be exactly like us. That's exactly right. I like to sit in the house, you know. I'm a homebody. I want to chill. Yeah.

But, you know, my friends are like, you're not going to meet someone sitting in the house, but then we have that other half of like when, when you can meet them anywhere at a grocery store, you know? So what is your take on that? Do we got to get out there? Do we get to go to some day? Like, what do you think about that?

Is he going to show up at the door stuff? Yes, he's going to be at the grocery. He could be the Uber driver. Who knows? I'm just kidding. Hey, yeah, I think it's a both and, right? Because it's like we have to be around some kind of community or something to be.

able to see people. But I've seen things happen where somebody's like, hey, I know somebody. And you never left your house and they never left their house, but somebody connects you. And so I think it can happen in so many different ways where if you're not the person who, because I take it, you probably go some places. It's not like you're at home. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, going walks by yourself. Come on. You got to go somewhere, you know. What have you been doing? I think that... What's your season looking like?

I think being in church and being in community, then also, like, people have been like, well, what about... I feel like it's always like a friend. It's always a friend. What about this person? I always say, I think it's good to let people know, hey, I'm single. If you see anyone, if you know anyone, let me know. Yeah.

I think that's also helpful. You've been doing anything. Because do people try to say... Do people try to say you up? Have you had, like, people like, oh, this person would be... I know. I'm so... I'm so picky.

We've tried to sit around. And then you just say no. I say no. I think you should at least. Because I'm telling you, I can look at a photo. Okay. And I will know. Like, I just know.

I think you should at least try. No, it doesn't sound crazy. No, it doesn't sound crazy. I understand what you mean. But I do think that. I'm so picky. Giving somebody a chance. I know. Yeah.

Because it's like, that's what I remember, like, going on a day with the guy. And he had like, he was the sweetest guy. You know, he. did all the things, but I was like, me being on the date made me realize, okay, I don't. I don't like him, but at least I try. Totally. At least I attempted. If I'm saying that I want to.

Yeah, I was like, if I'm saying that I want to be married, I have to go on dates. Yeah. You know? And so I think attempting. Okay. We're the opposite. So she'll go. She'll go.

No, no. No, no. She just seems weird. The Uber driver, as long as he prays in time. I was like, do you know the Greek? Yeah, exactly. The vocabulary has become extraordinary on ghosting, breadcrumbing. What are some signs that someone is breadcrumbing rather than giving you a real commitment?

Yeah, I think I'm an expert at being breadcrumbed. Really? Or I had to breadcrumb you. No, literally. You know what? And sometimes it was, I didn't realize that until one of my students was like, man, this guy's breadcrumbing me. She's like describing the scenario and I'm like, wait, this happening to me. Wait, that's so funny.

But here's what it looks like, right? Yeah. It looks like a person giving you a little bit. Right. They're like, they'll call you sometimes, but they'll never plan a date. Yeah. They'll, hey, we should go out sometime. It's crazy.

But never follow through. And then the moment that you're just like, I'm done, all of a sudden they're calling you, hey, we should hang out. And maybe you'll actually hang out. But it is, it's that like, I'll give you a. a little bit just because they're probably wanting to keep their options open, but not true commitment of like, hey, I really want to establish a relationship. And I think I had realized that with someone who, you know, whenever I would try to plan something, you know, or like, hey,

let's get our schedules aligned. It was always some excuse. There was always something. And then when I pulled away, they would try to, they would be like, oh, they pulled, she pulled away a little crazy. And I had to come to terms. I'm like, oh, no, I can't accept the bare minimum here. If you are not ready or willing to commit, then I'm not going to stay in this any longer. And sometimes it's not that they're a bad person.

They might not be ready or mature enough to know how to be in a relationship. And that's what I had to learn in that season of like, I'm not going to let somebody treat me like an option. Like, I'm not one of your options. Like, if you are unsure. then I've been by Felicia exactly by Felicia

it's made the decision is very clear if you're unsure about me you're unsure I'm out and so it's crazy it's just that little by little and we we you know we take

we like that feeling of like oh they gave me attention but then we don't get it and then we start missing it yeah and then we get it we're happy that we got it exactly oh he's reaching out again

he didn't for a while and it really takes awareness to be like oh actually that's so She's going to keep on happening. Yeah. It's going to keep on happening unless I stand up for myself or say something.

And sometimes I think as women, and maybe I just speak for myself where sometimes I didn't want to speak up because I didn't want to mess anything up. Right. Well, I'm like, well, if I, if I tell him what I, if I really tell him my standard, then it's going to scare him away. Yeah. But the opposite is true. I think when you start establishing standards up front, they either leave quicker or they stay. Exactly. And I mean, I stand by.

understand like men can have some brokenness or some issues or whatever I always stand by the fact that if a guy likes you you'll know 100% if he like that doesn't mean that like things might not happen and they might be where guys can go through things maybe be avoided and have some weird attachment stuff but like for the most part 99% of the time if a guy likes you you'll know you're not going to question it's very true and I think you certainly don't have to be like, yeah, I think I asked the question earlier of like the over spiritualization because I see a lot of girls within the faith kind of being like, well, you know, if the Lord wants us, like I'm going to surrender it. And then when, you know, that person has really

not put in any effort, he has not expressed anything to you. And yeah, it could just get a little confusing and tough. But if you had just a last couple of words to say to the single people, to the married people, to the followers of Jesus that watch this podcast, what would you say? We're all on different journeys, but God has given us everything that we need. The scripture talks about that he's given us everything that we need to live a godly life. My goal overall is to live a godly life. Exactly. So what do I? need to add, subtract, having my life to live a godly life. And my encouragement to singles is to not give up on what you want, to truly believe God. There's certain prayers

that I have prayed concerning my singleness because I was like, I don't want to just like be general. I want to be specific with what I desire. You know, one of the prayers that I've prayed is there will be no more delayed. There's a scripture, is he you. I think it's 12 that talks about the word of God will be delayed no longer. And so I pray that for some people who have felt delayed. And delay can happen for a lot of different reasons. It could happen because of things that we have done. It can happen, you know, for decisions that we have made. But then there's sometimes where the delay seems like it's out of our control. But one of the things that I prayed, I was like, Lord, there'll be no more delay.

Especially for, you know, being in my 30s. It's like, you know, you think you're going to get, I thought I was going to get married by 25. Yeah. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have handled being married at 25, truth be told. Yeah. And so there was what I thought was a delay at 25. God was still working in me and through me. But I still in my 30s want to make sure that God, I don't want to, I do not, I don't

want to, there will be no delay. I don't want to cause delay. I don't want, if the enemy's trying to cause delay, I want to make sure that I'm, I'm praying against any kind of delay. So good. But I just believe that for some people. For me, what I desire to see is especially, within the body of Christ

that we begin to lead the way of how to date and to properly be in relationships because we've taken our cues from culture for far too long. But I believe that if men really step up to who God has called them to be if they look at what the scripture says in Ephesians 525, if women begin to

become who God has called them to become and we just walk on that path, perhaps the Lord would bring us together. That's right. But we have to be willing to live a godly life because a godly life will lead to a godly marriage and a godly marriage will lead to godly kids and godly families and kingdom families that's what impacts our world and our nation and so i just encourage people whether you're

married single dating live a godly life yeah let that be your goal and allow the lord to bring what he needs to bring in your life but pray specifically for what you desire um i don't want us to be the kind of believers to just sit back and just wait i think we need to contend um and to to take back things that the enemy stole and to decree and to declare and to believe in faith. And I think that we have that ability to walk in faith, but to also work on the things that God is entrusted in our hands. He's given us something and he doesn't want us to just do nothing. We're not meant to be lazy, complacent. We're meant to actually take what God has given us and steward it well. And so.

So beautiful. Yeah, that's my prayer. I want to see people married. Yeah. I want to see people walking in their calling. I want people, I desire to see it because I know so many people who desire marriage. And I just pray that God would bring people into that season at the right time without delay. Could you pray for the people? I would love to.

I would absolutely love to. God, what a privilege and an honor it is, Lord, to be able to hear from you, God, to be able to be in this conversation. God, I believe that our vision and our hearts are aligned, God, for. our generation, God, people to find the relationships that they should be in. God, I just pray for broken hearts, God, people who are dealing with hurt, pain from all kinds of things, all kinds of things from abuse, God, from their past. We pray for healing in those areas, Lord God, but we just pray right now for those who are believing God for marriage. I pray that they would not be ashamed that they desire marriage. God, I pray that they would actually not even be quiet about what they

desire. I pray that they would be bold about their desire. God, you said that we can come before your throne boldly. And so, God, we come before you boldly. And we just believe for people who have been weary, God, who have been waiting, that God that they would see breakthrough in the area of marriage, God. We pray against delay. We decree and declare there will be a generation. Lord, God, that comes together. God, not just for pleasure, not just so people can see them, but for the glory of God. I pray that the men and the women that you are bringing together will bring glory to the king. of God. And so we pray for future marriages, for future children. Lord God, we pray that even people listening to this now will come back a year from now. And God, and they will comment and

talk about the testimony of what God has done in and through their lives. God, we're believing the testimonies will come from this, God, because you are not a man who should lie. You know, the son of man who should change your mind, God. And we know that you desire, God, for people to be married, Lord. And so we just pray that it would happen at the right time. Yes, Lord. In Jesus name. In Jesus. Jesus name. We're in agreement with you. Jesus name.

Amen. Thank you so much. Thank you for being so encouraging, especially for the women in their 30s because society, they are just panicking. Like my time is up. Oh my gosh.

Thinking about kids and thinking about my time. Yeah. The one thing that I often talk about and I want to be careful as I'm saying it's a lot of times in churches, a lot of friends that I have that, you know, deal with infertility and deal with all of these things and they're praying for a baby.

And I think about them, but then I also, think about women who have to grieve not even having the opportunity to have children of or they're thinking I don't know if I'll ever even be able to have children and they carry that same level of hurt like I want a baby but I can't even I'm not with somebody and it feels like time is running out right it feels like I have I've gone into my 30s and I don't know what to do and I'm getting into my 40s will I ever have this thing that I desire and so it's like I pray for my friends who are dealing with infertile and I also pray for my friends and and peers really who are just like, Lord, is this ever going to happen for me? And I want to be sensitive to that. I say that really sensitively because it's a sensitive thing, but a lot of us carry that of like, will I ever have children?

Yeah, so true. Will that ever be my story? And I just, I have seen so many testimonies of people having, I think it's a fun time that we're living in because I see stories of people having babies in their 40s. Yes. I saw a testimony of a lady having, a baby in her 50s and 60s.

In Jesus. We pray that it happens sooner. But God can still do it. And so for those who are grieving, because they don't know if they're ever going to get that life, I just pray that we would just hold on to the fact that God sees us and the desire to be a mother, desire to have children. But I do think that there's ways that even in this season that we can learn how to be nurturing and motherly.

And we really do have to bring that level of grieving because it's like you're grieving something that you've never even had a chance to have. But I want people to have hope because it doesn't mean that it's never going to happen. Because a lot of people are grieving it because they're like they may be given up. Yeah.

So this is never going to happen. But I want people to have hope. Yes, Lord. That it can still happen. For the women in their 30s, it's like, we can still have babies. And God can still give us a family if it's in his will. And so we, I hold on.

on to that because I have felt that of like, Lord, time is ticking. That's right. What am I supposed to do? And so, yeah, I pray that we can, we can have hope. We have to trust him and have hope. Because look at who you are and look at what he's done in your life. I love that you said, I couldn't have done it when I was 25 when I wanted it. So it's just, God's timing is perfect.

Thank you so much for being such an example to us. and for all these people, you just blessed GGB today. Thank you so much. God bless you. Thank you. You are amazing. Thank you so much. Guys, we love you.

We'll see you next week. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom, shalom.