Girls Gone Bible - Stop Reacting So Quickly (How to Deal With Anger) | Girls Gone Bible

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

hi ggb:) In this episode, we dive into James 1:19–21 and what it truly means to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. We talk about the danger of reacting out of emotion, learning to control our words, and allowing God to transform the way we respond to difficult situations. Not every feeling needs a reaction, and not every thought needs to be spoken. Huge thank you to our sponsors! 01. FORKFUL https://ForkfulMeals.com/GGB Code: GGB 50% off your first order 02. VINTED Vinted App Free download | No seller fees 03. MINT MOBILE https://MintMobile.com/GGB All plans for $15/month, including Unlimited (terms apply) 04. GLORIFY RING https://glorify.global/ggb Reserve your Glorify Ring 05. GRAND CANYON UNIVERSITY https://gcu.edu  Explore 100+ online undergraduate degrees, emphases, and certificates  GET OUR BOOK Out of the Wilderness: 31 Devotions to Walk with God Through Your Hardest Seasons Available wherever books are sold. https://GirlsGoneBible.com/book Follow Girls Gone Bible: Instagram: @girlsgonebible TikTok: @girlsgonebible YouTube: @GirlsGoneBible we love you sooo much. Jesus loves you more. -Ang & Ari

So I'm an NIV girl now. Yeah, absolutely. We're NIV girls. I love my NLT, but it's not so, it's not so word accurate. It's not what you do when you start to drink solid foods. Yeah, it's milk to solid foods. It ain't milk. I don't have earrings in today.

You don't? I think you don't, I think you can switch it up. What's that supposed to me? Like, I love your, I love when you do, my favorite on you is when you have, see, should I go do? What you have, again, the three. That's my favorite. It's so cute. Do you think I look a little stupid with it?

No. Remember me and you got went and did it? And I looked a little like... Can we both get GGB tattooed on her? Inside of our lips? Yeah, we'll get GGB. I might be willing. You never see it.

I want to do something like out of the box. Dude, let's do it. Or maybe we could get a white tattoo. Yeah, that's what you've always said. I know. Come on, art. I love when Kim Kardashian said, would you put a bumper sticker on a bent leg? Sorry to all the people that have tattoos.

Me being one of them. You do? Where? Oh, my. Yeah, but that looks so good. Have you guys ever seen this tattoo of mine? That tattoo, like, I almost want to get one. I would, I, if obviously mine is big, if you did a little cross behind this ear, behind your good side, that would be the cutest thing ever.

I really think you should do it I'll think about it Little little little I've been having fun like rage baiting the internet Recently what's that mean Rage baiting is just like your purpose like that was rage Rating like me being like you should get a Scorpio Obviously I'm kidding we don't believe in astrology

That's what rage baiting is yeah yeah I remember like just always Looking up my um Horscope of the day I'm like right when I'd get up I'd be like all right What's it saying bye Okay, today you're going to... He's coming back. He's coming back.

And then you look up the compatibility. Oh, I always did that. I can't date him. He's a Leo. Okay, we're just going to publicly say, all girls gone by, but we are not in alignment with astrology, horoscope. None of that garb, okay? We are children of God. If someone asks you, what's your sign?

Don't say I'm an Aquarius. See, I'm a child of God. Yeah. You can't drink out of the cup of the demons, but drink out of the cup of the Lord, too. My dog. I mean, come on. Come on. What's new since the last time I saw you, which was literally two days ago?

Well, what's new is I was having a little, like, a lot of bit of anxiety. Yeah. And I went into a fast yesterday. Change your life. I just sat. I just did a 24-hour fast, and I sat and I just worshipped and prayed and rested. And I just can't believe the power of fasting. Yeah. It truly, I feel like there's been a weight lifted off of me.

I feel so good today. Thank God. Yeah, it was just so beautiful. It was so relaxing. I just stayed in and I just, I don't fast enough. I know. Me too. need to be. And we used to be so good about it. You know the Orthodox fast every Wednesday and

Friday? And we're going to start next week. What's new at you? What's new at you? Is there anything new with me? We started a women's Bible study at my church garden. Can everyone come, by the way? Anybody women can come. Do you have to sign up or how does it work? You register online. And you have to register. But we want you guys to come. If you're you're in Southern California and you're around Garden Church, like, please come. I'm going to be teaching some weeks of the Bible study, which is such an honor alongside my pastor, Natalie, who's just like the most amazing and sweetest woman in the world. We're teaching on Hebrews. This is like awesome. Well, it's like amazing and also very like, it's just different when you are under someone else's

leadership. Yeah. And so I just, I think I forget what I'm preaching on. I'm preaching on. At the send or? No, this is for the Bible study. My first time preaching, I'm going to be preaching on Hebrews to Jesus made fully human. It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come about which we are speaking. But there is a place where someone has testified. What is mankind that you are mindful of them, a son of man that you care for him? You made them a little lower than the angels.

You crown them with glory and honor and you put everything under their feet. That's so beautiful. I know, I can't wait. And will this be online at all? No, no. It's just like a women's Bible study where we all commune and gather and read. And then we have small groups. And it's just going to be really beautiful.

So if you're in Southern California, I would love for you guys to be there. We love you so much. Maybe it's something to consider to the church that you could film it so everybody in the world can listen to it. That's a really good idea. Honestly, and yeah. And have it be like an online garden. That's honestly such a good idea. I'll say that to them.

You know how many girls would want to hear that. Yeah. Thank you. You know? Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Anything else?

I'm going to Nashville tomorrow. She's going at the Dev Awards. I'm going to the Dev Awards. And Ari didn't want to go this time. I just like I said to myself after tour I'm committing myself to just staying and resting. That's so smart. I was supposed to do that. And I have been all over the foot.

You've been like flying. Flying. Flying, I know. But it seems like you're doing good. Yeah. I am doing good and I'm happy and I like have been having fun which is also really important. Like rest for me is just like having enough time by myself at home. Having rest for you.

Having rest for you looks like this. It looks like not going on a plane. It looks like having a routine. It looks like being able to get up, make your curate coffee, go to the gym, go to Bristol farms, get the same salad every single day. go get a smoothie, talk to your friend, come home, watch a podcast. That is my best life. Yeah.

I haven't lived that life in so long. I know. I know. Soon. Soon. November is like a lot. No, you have been, right? Yeah.

But not consistently. It's kind of like three days and then I'm somewhere. But November is like when our travel slows down. I'm really excited about today. We're going to be studying James. What is it? I got notes. It's James chapter 1 versus 19 to 21.

And I know that we are taking, we're going to take 10 years to get through the book of James. And it's worth it like this because I just think it's so easy to read the Bible, skimming through it going so quickly. Yeah. Which is okay, you know, when you're reading by yourself. But there are moments and I'm so grateful that we can do that on Girls Gone Bible where you take just three verses and you say, there's got to be so much in these three verses. Even something that seems not like that significant could have so much in it. I don't know how you feel about this episode.

This feels very personal to me personally because. So this is probably the area of my life where God's been walking closest with me. Me too. And before we even get into the scriptures, I just want to talk a little bit about anger because I feel like anger can almost be such a second. secondary emotion. Right. Like underneath it is there's always something, whether it's hurt, whether it's disappointment. And so as we talk about anger, because anger can be dressed in so many forms. It can be dressed in disappointment. It can be dressed in resentment. It can be dressed in

defensiveness, grief, overplaying a conversation over and over again. Anger can come in so many forms. Yeah, it's so true. And there's like a whole. And what I love about Jesus too is that we approach faith from like a holistic point of view that not everything is demons. We also are human beings with trauma and triggers and childhoods that were difficult and like ways that we were brought up. Like you think like having sex and drinking alcohol and saying bad words like all of that is the hard stuff. No. Those are all just like outward sin that is actually the easiest. part to get rid of it's the matters of the heart and like how we respond to each other how we react to things the health of our own soul it's okay the health of our own soul this is just so important and like yeah i'm just really excited to talk about this today me too so we'll just go over the three let's pray yeah let's pray lord jesus we love you so much father we bless your holy name God, we thank you in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus, that you have called us, that you have chosen us, that you have equipped us, that you have anointed us. Lord, we love you.

We thank you that this was not a mistake, that nothing Ari and I do is in vain, that nothing we do is for entertainment purposes. It is all to further the kingdom. So I pray, God, that today we would be in alignment with your spirit, with your character, with your mind, with your wisdom, and that we would just flow. God, that we would flow in unison, Ari and I, united in spirit, united in mission, that Jesus would be glorified, that people would be set free and healed, that the heart of the Father would show through this episode. And God, we pray for every single person listening and watching that their hearts would be healed today. God, we pray for both Ari and I and Thomas and our families and our friends and every person who's going to be watching this, that their nervous systems would be healed, that you would

touch God, even the darkest parts of their hearts that they didn't even know were affected by something, that God, it would change the way they show up in relationships, that what Satan destroyed in Genesis 3, that you would bring true redemption and restoration in all of our lives and that James 1 would come to life, that we would, our minds would be renewed by the Word. And we just bless you, Jesus. We thank you so much in Jesus' name. Jesus' name. Okay, why am I in Ezekiel? James chapter 1, verses 19 to 21, says, it's called listening and doing.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth. and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Something that I wrote down is that a trigger may explain, like what Ari was saying, a trigger may explain why we react, but Jesus wants to heal what is underneath our reactions and teach us a new response.

So like every single one of us has a way that we were raised, where we learned how to do conflict, where we learned how to get defensive, where we learned how to react quickly, and God is so kind and gracious and like has compassion for us, but he wants to lead us into first truth and say, this is why this is happening. This is where it originated. This is where you learned this. This is why your nervous system feels unsafe in these situations. And then this is what comes out. And then also, let me heal that. Like God is all powerful. He is the healer. He can literally heal childhood trauma that happened. 30 years ago so that you can have a different response. It is first about our response to God's word. And this is where so many people get messed up. Do you believe that God's word is truth? Because if we don't start there, we don't have anything. Like we, you can do as much therapy as you want to. You can do as much self-help books as you want to, but nothing will produce in you anything that the word will. You need the word of God. You need the Bible to tell you who you are,

who he is, and how we must respond to each other. So it's like, will we listen when scripture corrects us? I think most of us, including me, like when I read the Bible, I say I listen to every single thing in it and I know that there are parts of it that I don't. Like there are still moments where I'm reading the word and if something feels like not a big deal, like gossip, or complaining or whatever it might be. When I'm reading the Bible, am I actually letting it correct me and my thoughts and my behavior? Will we become defensive against the word? And will we allow God's truth to interrupt our emotions?

And I think that's what's been so healing for me as I've journeyed with Jesus, because when you give your life to Jesus, in a sense, everything changes. And then in a sense, not everything changes because there's wiring and programming. And I think for me, being someone who can have big emotions and being someone who feels deeply and being someone with a nervous system that didn't feel safe when I was little, that doesn't feel safe now. I have had to work through what it means to have healthy emotions so much. And I've had so much shame around moments where I'm like, I hate how I reacted.

I hate what I did in that moment. I hate what I said in that moment. I wasn't thinking straight in that moment. I was believing something that wasn't true in that moment. And it led like a fracture to a relationship. And so I think Satan not only wants to steal our faith in Jesus, but he also wants to destroy our relationships. And he wants to destroy peace and harmony in friendships and relationships.

And I know that this is the one area that I'm like, I need God to interrupt my emotions. because I can oftentimes feel something that might not necessarily be the truth, you know? And then so this pastor John MacArthur, he's a theologian, he emphasizes that quick to listen primarily means being eager to hear and receive God's word instead of resisting it. And then the principle then extends into how we listen to others. So people think the slow to speak and quick to listen is just with people. that's not the case. First, it's with God in his word. Be slow to have an opinion and an interpretation and a revelation and quick to listen. What is he actually saying? This is like basic communication

principles too of like the verse 19 where it says like you're quick and then you're slow and then you're slow. Listening means being teachable before God and seeking to understand people before forming a conclusion. Yeah. So asking yourself, do I listen different? differently when I feel criticized. And am I listening for truth or for evidence supporting what I already believe? And this is like the crux of the humility that God asks us to walk in. And we're coming from a place, you guys, of this is something we actively have to walk through. This is something that we actively mess up in and then have to do better and then try again and like really let God sanctify us in this way because.

it is so easy to listen to someone and look for information that already supports why and justifies the fact that you're already angry. Like when we're talking to each other, it's so easy to be like, that's exactly what I, like, it's just so easy. And I said this the other day, but if I could get into Satan's brain and figure out one thing that he loves, it is to create narratives around something that either never happened or something. that may have happened. Maybe there was a small fracture. Maybe there was a moment of betrayal or distrust or being put down or maybe there was something that could have easily been reconciled. That could have easily had an apology and then forgiveness. But rather, Satan gets into your head and goes, did you see what they did? And do you remember all the other times they did that? And now it's this big thing. I've gone through this so many times where genuinely I know.

know the enemy has gotten into my mind and made something that may have been true so much bigger. And then now I'm looking for all the information to support what I already believe about that situation in that person, you know? And I just think like, I'm so grateful to Jesus that this is one area where he's like, no, you can't do that. The goal is always reconciliation. Even if you don't want to be friends with somebody anymore, even if you don't want someone in your life, like building a bridge and not having enemies.

is the call of God on our lives, is to build a bridge where there's at least enough reconciliation where when you think about that person, you don't hate them. Well, because even when, anytime you're in retaliation, even if you think they did something wrong, you're still living in sickness. Bitterness, unforgiveness, it's all. He tells us to forgive. He tells us to go and reconcile because if we don't, we're like in prison in our minds. We stay sick.

we stay in this anger. Yeah. It results to anger and we never heal when there isn't reconciliation. And so that's why he tells us to forgive. One of my favorite passages in the gospel, I believe it's the sermon on the Mount, but Jesus is speaking and goes, when you go to the temple to bring me an offering, but you have an offense against somebody or they have an offense against you. I actually don't want your offering.

I want you to first go and reconcile with that person. make up with them and then you can come bring me your offering. Because an offering unto God with having issues with everybody in your life, it's not pleasing to him, you know? And so that's what's been really confronting for me. I think when I first read that story like last year and it like came to life for me, I was like every time that I get into the secret place, what I've got burnt bridges, it's just it doesn't feel right.

It's unsettling feeling. You can't rest. You have no rest in your mind and your soul. And there's that other story of the Mount. Do you remember it? It's like when you don't forgive, it literally gives us the parable about being in prison. Yes. Yeah. Meaning you'll be in prison in your mind and your heart. Yeah. And I think it's so good to remember that like, yes, our relationship with Jesus is vertical. It's only upwards. It's us and him. But immediately afterwards, it goes horizontal. We're in relationship with him and then through our relationship with him. in relationship with other people. Life is all about people and relationships. And I think loving one

another. Yes. And forgiving one another constantly. Constantly. Constantly. Yeah. You can't. I think that's what I've learned. Because when I was younger, I was very much like, oh, you don't want to be in my life. See, like so like that, you know. And then I feel like when I started following Jesus, he's like, no, you don't do that. no, you don't have, you can't live with like these angry feelings like what you're saying. And it was like a defense mechanism of like I refuse to let anyone hurt me. Exactly. And I just cut them off. Yeah.

And that's not what God calls us to do. No. And it's not the way to live. It's self-protect it. Yeah. It's the nervous system thing that we're talking about. And then I love this. When James talks about being slow to speak, this is so important, you guys.

I mean, I've had a therapist tell me this before for sure. James does not say never speak. He tells us to slow down. He never says be quiet and say nothing. Don't stand up for yourself. He says just be slow. We're from these clothes. It's not that easy. You know what I mean? Like before speaking, ask, is it true? Is it necessary? Am I trying to restore this person or punish them? Am I speaking from love or from the need to win? I think this will be so confronting for every single person because while we all want to say we're speaking from love, not the need to win, how easy it is to be in a situation and be wanting to win the argument, you know? Anytime I have to have a hard conversation, I always read James because like I have so many times I've read James before having a hard conversation just to like get it in my body and be like, please, Jesus. I'm loving so hard because I'm thinking about when we were in a home. Honolulu, and every time we'd get mad at the Valley guy, I'd go, James won, James one, every time. And speaking on that, he returns to uncontrolled speech in James 126 and throughout chapter three.

Not everything you feel needs to be something you say. And I think that is, when I think about the people that I respect most, it's the ones who don't say everything that they're thinking or feeling. It's the ones who have self-control. self-control is a fruit of the spirit and I as someone who's a chronic overshare it's you know these are things there's so much in the Bible that will be in opposition to how even you're like naturally wired and that's the beauty of the Holy Spirit being like yeah I'm going to do it for you I'm going to make you more Christ-like even though it can be opposite to your personality sometimes you know and then Ari talked about this slow to become angry. James doesn't say that feeling anger is automatically sinful. Jesus experienced anger in

Mark 35 and Ephesians 426 says, in your anger, do not sin. Anger is an emotion. It's not a sin. Feeling anger is not sinful, but obviously what you do in your anger, that's what can be sinful. I think anger can be tempting. And like Ari said that there's so much underneath anger. Anger is not the emotion. You said it's the secondary emotion. There's something always for men typically, they don't know how to express sadness or fear, so they express it in anger. That's why you see men, they're so angry, but it's because they never learned how to express sadness or fear or disappointment or insecurity, so they just get mad, you know? I think after, as I was really meditating on James, I kept thinking about the men so much. And I love that you brought that up

because I do. I think it becomes so complicated with men because they are taught to, like really taught to suppress, to keep working, to not cry, to not feel, to be a man. And I thought so much about my father when I read this scripture because he had to be the man of the house. He had to raise me. He had to go to work. He had to come home happy. And then, ultimately he crashed. Wow. And when we have nowhere to express our feelings, what does it turn into? It so much can turn into anger.

And so I really thought about the men and I just have so much compassion on them. And I just feel like we need to give them a place to feel their emotions and feel their hurt without making them feel weak for it. And men, if you're listening to this, I just think it is your job as a servant of Christ to create places, create safe places, create men groups where you can confess to each other, let out emotion, let out anger, let out your just raw feelings because it is in that place where you will heal. And I just, you know, last week, somebody that I grew up with, a guy that I grew up with, committed suicide. And I don't know the ins and outs of what happened to him,

But it just made me think how much the rate is up with men with suicide. And I think so much of it comes with emotions because anger can be just an emotion with nowhere to go. Exactly. And I just think men feel so much but don't have a place to release it. And so I just think men create safe places for each other that you can talk and confess because it's in that place where you're really do heal. And that when I think about Jesus, like Jesus wasn't emotionally numb. He expressed grief. He weeped. He had righteous anger when necessary. And so letting your emotions out is not weakness. It is true strength. Truly. I'm laughing so hard because I was reading so many of the

proverbs. And I was like, yeah, you're literally a fool. Like if you don't know how to control, yourself. And then I see, wait, where is it? Can I just show you real quick? It says, me,

after reading the book of Proverbs and realizing that this fool they talk about sounds exactly like me. I think you send it to me right now. That's literally me. I think for so,

yeah, you said it. For so many of us, we're taught to not deal with anger, to defend ourselves to fight back, or it can be the opposite where we do the opposite. We don't know where to put our feelings. We're not confrontational, so we swallow it. And I think that was big for me. I would let

things build up and I wouldn't deal with it. And then I would keep suppressing it and keep swallowing it. And then I would burst. And so that's something that God has been walking with me so closely and growing with me the most so intentionally and intimately in this season is teaching me about self-control. Yeah. Teaching me about suppressed anger, teaching me that self-control is not suppressing your emotions till you burst. It's learning where to put it so it doesn't control you. Exactly. Like I said, Proverbs literally says you are a fool if you don't know how to control your anger. Right. Proverbs 29 it says a fool gives full vent to his a full a fool gives full vent to his spirit but a wise man quietly sits back and I love that so much because that's what I'm learning in the season. You get angry.

You immediately send that text. You immediately rage in that anger that comes up and you retaliate. You just you're like quick to speak. Right. And it says a wise man quietly holds back that doesn't mean that you don't feel anger. But you you hold back. you learn self-control. Just because you feel anger doesn't mean you have to act upon it.

And that's what I'm walking through in this season. What that's looked like for me is I think as human beings, we are like it's so comforting to want to go to wise counsel and, you know, talk about your anger and all these things. But I think I was doing that so much so that it was like such a temporary relief. and I was not going to Jesus. And I'm learning so much how to not take my defenses, not take my anger, not be so quick to go to somebody else and get that quick temporary feeling, which it's good. It's good to go to Wise Counsel.

It's good to release and talk about things. But if we're only doing that and we're not processing things with Jesus and through his word, then we're going to still be stuck with the same anger, the same pain, the same resentment. And so what that's looked like for me is just really being on my floor. Like, Jesus, I feel offended in this moment. Like, I feel angry. I feel like I want to defend myself. Like being honest in that place, like really meditating, really releasing my anger, my feelings.

And in that place, like one thing that I always, what I've been doing is like I'll put my hand over my heart and I'll be like, keep my heart pure. Like keep my intentions pure, keep my mind pure, keep my thoughts peer, keep my thoughts to this person pure. One of the scriptures that I always hold on to, literally that I've tattooed on my heart, is who may stand in your holy place, those with clean hands and a pure heart. And that should be for all of us the one thing that we live by. Having clean hands and a pure heart and in doing that and then partnering with that. Jesus in that way of like, keep my thoughts pure. I don't want to be angry in this moment. Instead of going and sending that quick text, instead of going to defend yourself, instead of going to

talk about that person or whatever you're dealing with, process it with Jesus. One of my favorite quotes that I just read by Chuck Wendell is the best place to get angry is on your hands and knees where nobody hears you, but God. That's so good. And when you are in that place where you truly let that anger out, when you release it, when you partner with God in that way, he does something. I have seen a change, a grace, a forgiveness, a joy in my life that I've never experienced before. Yeah. And I feel like there is just this grace and a joy that he releases on you. And I just have seen so many times, even in my quiet time of like, he's so pleased with those who fight for pureness. Yeah, yeah.

He's so pleased with those who sit back quietly rather than want to retaliate. He's so pleased that. And the more you do that, the more you look like Jesus. And it's just so beautiful. And I just can't believe how much bitterness and unforgiveness and anger traps you and keeps you and keeps you in literal hell. hell in your mind, hell in your life. Even as little things is like, you're on the phone and you're like quick to respond to the flight attendant because you're annoyed.

Like when you actually sit back. I call me out. I'm just kidding. No, there's things that I do. You know, like we're short-tempered. Totally. We're like as human beings, we're so short-tempered. You know?

And like when you just learn to live and release, there is this peace that you live on. So good. Can I say one thing about can you find your spot just so I don't lose it? About what you said about fighting with Jesus on your floor. This is something that I've discovered because again, like the narratives that your mind can create about someone that leads to having impurity in your heart towards someone. If you ever think about someone and you get mad, that's not good. You literally cannot like we're telling you right now as your sisters, that is something that is not okay in your life. And we've all been there.

You think about someone and you think about everything they've done to annoy you and you're so angry and you just don't like them. You can't have that. And so I was working through a situation where every time I thought about someone, I was getting angry. I would just remember the hurt and I would remember what was happening. Yeah. And I literally had a moment where I felt so convicted where the Lord was like, this, you can't. can't do this. You're a woman of God. Like, you actually can't. And it's so easy to just move through life with that happening. Yeah. And you get like numb to it and you don't realize that you have all

this resentment towards people. So I remember when I felt that conviction and I go, oh, no, that's not good. That's not healthy. And it's not godly above everything else. I sat for 30 minutes and I blessed this person. Yes. I prayed for them. I said, thank you, Jesus, for this person. Thank you. they are X, Y, Z, and I named a bunch of things that are good about them to remind myself that this person is not bad. This is a child of God genuinely, and I know it sounds corny, but like, this is a child of God made in the image of God. They are not bad because they've hurt me. And so let me remember all the things about them that are amazing, that are godly. Let me thank Jesus for all those qualities about them. And then I bless them. I pray for their mind. I did that for 30 minutes.

And by the end of it, you know what I felt? I felt one more nudge in the Lord being like, now it's time to build a bridge. You're the one who's hurt in the situation. Reach out, call that person. Don't need to be best friends. Don't need to have them in your life every single day. But build a bridge and that will get rid of that little bit of, you almost sometimes have to close the gap if there's that much resentment to look them in the face and say,

you're not my enemy. But when you partner with God in that way, I love that you say that, it almost like he gives you pictures of like, because you're like, this is someone, this is God's child. This is someone he loves. And you don't want to disrespect, even though whatever you went through,

you don't want to at the end of the day that someone God loves. And you let him take care of them. And I think another thing that he will begin to show you too, like he's begun to show me me and I'm sure you too is like, he has given me. forgiveness that grace mercy that I'm so undeserving of every day how much more do we need to give that to somebody else yeah and I think about Jesus and I just think about if Jesus can have

remain like have the self-control that he did when he was being oppressed mocked beaten we should be able to shut up. We should be able to have a little self-control. We should be able to literally be like, wait a minute. If we want to look more like Jesus, study the life of Jesus, study him. And we should be like, wait a minute, I don't need to act like that. Jesus was literally mocked and he remained silent. I love that about Jesus.

That's what's so powerful is that when he was silent, like that was not weakness. It showed incredible strength. and self-control. In wisdom. In wisdom. And even like he didn't have to respond and defend himself to every accusation. And he didn't allow other people's behaviors to determine his response. That is so good.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And so he like when you're when you're in this place of anger, study the life of Jesus. Seriously, study him because he just never let anger control him. He knew when to speak. knew when to sit back, he knew when to express righteous anger, but he never let anger have mastery over him. Yeah. And that's how we need to live our lives. And it's a process. It's daily. But if we partner

with him in that way, change happens. And you'll see, wait a minute, I'm a lot more patient. Yeah. I didn't just snap. I actually have grace for that person in like an unbelievable amount of forgiveness. Why? Because you're partnering with him. Yeah. But if we just act out all the time, if we're just constantly retaliating, constantly living in defense, that's why Kane killed Abel. Yeah. He got, and God warned him about it. He said, he said, I'm warning you. Sin is crouching at your door. Waiting to be master you. And it desires to have you, but you must rule over it. We must rule over the anger and the emotions. We cannot let emotions rule over our life. Because what happened? He warned him and then he didn't he didn't do anything with it and he ended up killing his brother.

And honestly, as I watch all this craziness in the world right now, it's like they're act out of anger. They don't sit back and, you know, so. So good. Can I say one more thing? Of course. I cannot wait to have RT Kindle. You know when you watch something and it's, and I need you to watch this episode, it changed the chemistry of my brain. but he talks about the Holy Spirit and how the Holy Spirit, how sensitive the Holy Spirit is.

How when the Holy Spirit descended on Jesus, he remained. Why? Because Jesus was perfect and he was holy and he never had any sin. But he talked about how, I'll let him, I want him to like explain it all. But he talked about how sensitive the Holy Spirit is, that the dove flies away where peace does not prevail. It says in Ephesians 430, and do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved by the day of redemption. So get rid of all of the bitterness, the rage, the anger, the harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

Instead, be kind to each other, be tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. And so he talks about like he gave this one story how he was with his wife and he had to prepare for a sermon. And he got into a little argument with his wife and he's like, the hell with you. And so he went in his room and he had to prepare a sermon. And he's like, Holy Spirit, what do you want? What do you want me to say? He was up until 4 in the morning, nothing. The Holy Spirit didn't speak to him.

He goes into the kitchen. He sees his wife. He sees his wife have tears in her eyes. He said, I am so sorry for the way I've treated you. He went back into his room, the Holy Spirit. He felt it come upon him. Of course. And so he just talks about how sensitive the Holy Spirit is that when we live in bitterness,

like we have to be aware how sensitive he is. And so now the way I live, I'm like, you know how it feels when the Holy Spirit rests upon you. You just have this overwhelming peace and joy. And it's like you don't ever want that to leave. and so I'm so aware, not to be like live in this, like, you know, none of us are perfect. We're all going to, whatever, but I'm so much more aware now of like how sensitive he is. That I don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit by being bitter, by being angry. Yeah.

And so it just like literally changed the chemistry in my brain and taught me so much. And I cannot wait to have him on so he can explain it more. I love that. Yeah. Well, it's my pastor, Darren will always, or he says like, before he ever preaches on a Sunday, like, there's always a moment of like repentance in within his own personal life. Yeah. And like he tells a story about one time he was about to go preach. And he was like waiting on the side about to go preach.

His son was in the, was in his sea in the congregation. And then all of a sudden he like feels like this either like shame or guilt or something come up. thinking about a moment where he, like, kind of reacted to his son, who's, like, seven years old. Yeah. And so he literally, as he was about to go up to preach, he walks around, goes to his son, kneels down, and says, hey, buddy, I'm really sorry for, like, the way I reacted the other day. I responded in a way. I didn't like, do you forgive me?

And someone was like, yeah, dad, I forgive you, of course. And then he went and preached. Like, again, it's that what we talked about earlier, that, like, God doesn't just want this. This matters just as much. our relationships with people are so deeply important and they do affect our relationship with God. Yeah. The next couple of verses in this, verse 20 says anger cannot produce God's righteousness. Anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires, period.

Anger can intimidate people or force temporary compliance, but it cannot produce Christ-like character. Pastor Stephen Cole, a theologian, explains that. an angry heart often resist God's word because it is rooted in pride and the demand to have our own way. James calls us to stop fighting the word and receive it with humility. More than anything, these three verses are about having a heart that is humble enough to let God's word come and be planted and take root and do something. It is only the word of God that can produce God's righteousness within us. This does not mean that every concern behind our anger is, wrong. You can be right about a situation and still not let it dictate the way that you respond.

And then the last verse, verse 21, remove and receive. So this is for me, the last few years of my life, it's a story of reduction, subtraction, and then adding more Jesus. There has been a lot that I've had to get rid of in my life. There's a lot that has been in my heart, a lot of behaviors and patterns, that I have had to let Jesus come and say that is not the godly way to react in this situation. And it doesn't mean that you're going to do it right every time. It doesn't mean that one day you get to a point where maybe some people do. You get to a point where you never react poorly ever again. But I think for most people, that's not what happens.

I think it is constantly an active conviction in your heart saying, I want to be godly. I want to be like Jesus. I need humility in my heart to repent when I've gotten it wrong. Go ask for forgiveness and learn from that situation and do better next time. And that's the beauty of relationships too, though, is that like you get hurt in relationships and you heal in relationships. I want to be the type of person that, one, first I want to be in the type of relationships that give me room to mess up and then say sorry.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's real friendship and real partnership if you're in a relationship. Right. Where you can mess up and have the option to go shoot, I got that wrong. Let me try again. And if I get it wrong the next time again, I'll have the humility in my heart to say, I did what I did last time. Thanks for being on this journey with me. It's the only way to get rid of that reactivity and like the ungodly responses that we have. But then I also want to be the type of place and the type of friend and the type of person who someone can be in a relationship with me. And I want to be able to

give them that room to grow. We also have the ability to have mature good conversations with people if they're humble and willing to listen where you can go, hey, this is what I see in this situation. This is how you can be more godly next time, you know? You hurt in relationships and you heal in relationships. I know it's crazy talking about relationships, like especially when you're going through either you lost someone, like you lost someone and you're in that grief or you like go through a breakup or whatever it is. Nobody talks about enough of how you are just trying to truck through because you're literally living in survival mode and you don't feel anything and you're like crying and you're then you start to cry and you feel the grief, but then anger comes in.

Right. And like I don't even think we talk about that anger of healing from losing someone. Wow. That's so interesting. Yeah. And so I just want to say that we see you and I know what that feels like to like you go through so many stages of grief. And it's like that third one, you go through denial, you go through sadness, you go through grief. And then it's like that anger where you're so mad. And so it's just, we have to just learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, to heal in a healthy way. We're all just trying to, we're all just trying to, you know, be the best versions of ourselves. But like scripture says, don't give the devil a foothold. No. in your anger.

Yeah, and I think the thing about all of this, you guys, everything that we're talking about today points to one person. And it's Jesus Christ on a cross, him and him crucified, resurrected. Jesus did not leave us as orphans. He left us two things that are so I could not be more grateful for. And there's no other religion in the history of ever that has these two things. He left us his word. which teaches us everything we need to know.

We never need to guess. What would God, what would Jesus do in this situation? What does God think about this? We know because we have the Bible. And number two, he left us his Holy Spirit. Jesus literally said to his disciples, I'm going to leave, but it's actually better for you if I go. Because once I go, I'm going to give you the Holy Spirit,

who will comfort you, be with you, live inside of you, and teach you all things. The Holy Spirit is the one who literally empowered. us, who empowers us to respond like Jesus, react like Jesus. It is the power of His spirit that changes us, that sanctifies us, that transforms us, that gives us the ability to do differently than our parents did. And so we just want to say to anybody listening, like, if you have not given your life to Jesus and you're listening to this and you know that you are not happy with the way your relationships have been, you know that there's generational stuff in your life that you have and things that you inherited that aren't yours to inherit, we want you to know that there is an

inheritance that is so much better and it is being adopted into the family of Jesus Christ. And if you give your life to Jesus, which means that you place your faith in the death, the burial, and the resurrection of Jesus, that God himself came down, stepped into human history and said, I want to be with my people and then I want to die a brutal death to pay for their sins, for the forgiveness of their sins and the atonement of their soul, a penalty that they could never pay themselves. That's Jesus. That's who we're talking about. And so if you want to give your life to Jesus, it's not just a prayer that we pray, although it is a declaration of saying, I am putting my faith in the one who created me. And then it's something that you live out. You read the Bible.

You pray to Jesus. And you learn about him and you spend time with him. And you spend time with him and you join a local church and you get godly community and you get good Christians around you. If you genuinely want to finally interrupt the ungodly and destructive patterns and behaviors in your life, you have to give your life to the one who can actually give you the power to change. So you can pray. And also, don't forget, this is a loving God and a loving father who loves you so deeply who has been after you your whole life. And so just pray this with us, dear Jesus, I give you my life. I believe you died on a cross for the forgiveness of my sins. I believe you were buried, that you rose again on the third day, and now you're seated at the right hand of

the Father. I repent of my sin. I renounce the world. I renounce the devil. Holy Spirit, come and enter my heart teach me the ways of Jesus reveal Jesus to me empower me to respond and react the way Jesus would in Jesus' name amen before we end remember before you think about doing something in anger pause before you respond wait a couple days wait until you that that anger subsist so you have the self-control to respond in a healthy way. Don't retaliate. Don't act an offense. And bring that anger honestly before God and process it with him and process it with

wise counsel. We love you guys so much. We love you guys so much. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shun upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom, shalom. We love you.

We love you.