Girls Gone Canon Cast - ASOIAF Episode 277 — AGOT Tyrion V

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

This is Tyrion's "-record scratch- You might be wondering how I got here" episode, and the answer is "his big mouth." Eliana's reddit account: https://www.reddit.com/user/glass_table_girl Eliana's blog: https://themanyfacedblog.wordpress.com/ Chloe's twitter: https://twitter.com/liesandarbor Chloe's blog: liesandarborgold.com Intro by Anton Langhage

Hello and welcome to Girls Gone Cannon reads A Song of Ice and Fire, Episode 277, Kyrion 5 in A Game of Thrones. I am one of your hosts, Chloe. And I am another one of your hosts, Eliana. We're back. Diva down. J.K. Diva up. Very, very, very high up, if you will. Oh, my God.

Yeah, he's smoking that good, eerie cush. high in the clouds no i'm just kidding he's hanging out with mord and it's not fun for him i do not the musical artist named mord of greenlight fame my god stop it no why would you say that to me why would you say that to me mord uh singer of royals we'll go down to the eerie court Talk it out like yeah They do try to talk about There's something I can tell you now Okay

Eliana and I recently watched Challengers Oh yeah I think all of you really should know that I made Eliana watch challengers And I think it only made her worse Which I really respect But that said When I went and saw challengers

My roommate We were in Denver, Colorado And we had a little journey to go on We hopped in a car And the driver of this car was listening to our conversation but wasn't really piping in but he started playing tennis court by Lord and all of the sudden we were mid talking about challengers and I was like oh my god you put on Lord tennis court it was great I tipped him like 800% I was so thrilled that's a beautiful

moment that's incredible yeah that's uh that's true service that's a true tailored experience no I did want to watch challengers I wanted to watch it in theaters and then like missed my chance to do so. And so I was like, all right, when I watch Challengers, I'm going to like find the time. I'm like a person who likes to be like, I'm setting aside and making a special time to ingest this piece of media. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, but this one deserved it. So you made the really right choice with that. It's a deserving title for that, I think. It is and it like worked out way better than I thought, because I was like, I'm going to trick my partner into watching this with me, which is what I did for Bottoms. And it was a blast because Bottoms is hilarious. And I was like, Challenger's is going to be like that. They're actually very different films, is what I found out. They are very different films. They are very different films. They are very different films.

They're aimed at the same audience, I think, maybe, but very completely different films. But then Chloe and I were trying to figure out what should we do. And Challenger's was there. It was like, oh, my God, this is actually the perfect way this could have gone. No, this, I didn't realize I should have hoped so high. I didn't realize I could like. Like Zendaya and Challengers knew. I knew what was going to happen.

I set it up. I didn't, yeah, I didn't know that I could have such big dreams. And it really, no, no, I think like that's exactly how I was supposed to watch challengers with you. I literally think this. So it worked out. Life finds a way. That's right. You're hearing it here, folks.

The final episodes of this podcast are just going to be us declaring our love boldly. We started this like a year or two ago. I think. Yeah, so like 100 episodes ago, we've really, we've really gotten into one another passionately, even more than we already were. It's going to keep the love alive is what we want you to know. So you two can watch challengers with your lifetime partner. I mean, this is part of what the people like about, this is what sets us the part of the chemistry. Is this what the people like about us?

No, actually, no, literally, I think it is. It's not like even. There are some people who skip the 20 minutes. intros and then there are real motherfuckers and you know who you are and if you don't know who you are that's because you skip the intro do people really i think like people used to skip the intro but i don't check the comments anymore i don't see anyone saying that they do public comments but i did see someone before say that and i'm like you're just not a real one i think that was in the olden days that was in the olden days i think all of you have just accepted this is the podcast and like and we do

try to keep it trimmer than we used to. You're here for a talk show. You're here for a radio talk show. Your morning radio talk show and this is what we are giving you talk. Also, the longer you get us. Yeah, that's true. Talk by the animals about Tyrion Lancer. And to be really, really, really fair, like every minute we give you equates to time. If we go to two and a half hours, three hours, I mean, you're getting that. You're getting a discount. It's for you.

Okay. But we don't do that anymore, to be fair. We don't do that anymore. Hot take. New hot take. Actually, the real arc is not us declaring more love for one another or like how the talk show goes at the beginning. It is that we become increasingly more meta, the closer we get to the end of series.

No, no, but for real. Like we're talking about 45 more episodes, right? Of like us. Like, oh, this is how the podcast has changed. you get like more backwards analysis and we go back in the older days of girls gone can't and we did it used to be like the podcast

just gets way more self-referential and self-reflective of what's what the podcast is what is a podcast that's the arc and that's what we're here to talk about today no better character to talk about that with than Tyrion Lannister but you know even though there's

even though there is no better character than Tyrion to talk about that with we talk about other characters often. We've talked about many of them, as you know, in a song of ice and fire, but at patreon.com slash girls gone canon.

How was that for a segue? It was good. Yeah. We're talking about Mockingjay, baby, Part 1B, The Ashes, Patreon episode, Patrons, Stranger Tier,

all of you and above get bonus episodes every month. This month, it will be another MockingJ episode. Mocking J. by Suzanne Collins of Hunger. game's notoriety. And also her fellow fans and friends, Sunrise on the Reaping trailer just came out. How are we feeling? I'm feeling good. It was a good trailer. I literally talked

out that on Discord. That it came out in this second, this moment. You're like that. You're literally always like that. I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to do with her. I don't always keep track of when trailers come out, partially because like I'm ambivalent. And that a lot of the time, as you all know, I wish to not consume the trailer. Yeah, because I'm like, I will go into the experience with a clear heart. Fair. Okay. Well, with no spoilers, what would you like me to tell you of my favorite parts? I saw, like, I saw some stuff. Like, I saw, like, I don't know, a still or something, maybe from the set. And I was like, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

from what I know of that specific hunger game. Absolutely. The color story, the audio and physical design looks divine and colorful, beautiful, fun. All the symbols and all of the stuff with the capital is just so frivolous and fun. Every single actor that's been cast that we've seen previously, but our new actors, incredible. Like absolutely just seemed great so far. so really well done, not too cheesy, and I think it's going to be an incredible film.

Also, Maisley Donner serves Major Cunt. That's the other third thing. Those are the three things I will say. Those are my three gifts for you, Eliana. Major Cunt, Madge, Comrade Madge. Comrade Madge and seeing her mother, but we'll see her soon. So, spoilers, tune in to Our Hunger Games coverage. We're going to get there.

It's going to happen. We're going to hit sunrise on the reaping like next year. Yeah. Or, I mean, potentially soon. I don't know. We mapped it out. You can go listen to us map it all out. Anyway.

You never know. Other things that are fun that are on our Patreon is, of course, access to our Patreon Discord. We just had our Patreon brunch this past Sunday. So you missed it for April. Yeah, it was really fun. There was a lot to discuss. We discussed how apparently Chloe watches the morning show,

not like a literal, like the Apple TV show. And I didn't know that and I started it. I was so hyped. It was such a great moment. It's not a good show. I love that show. Yeah, everyone was like, should we watch it? They're like, is it good?

And as Chloe and I are like, no, but like, let us know if you do because I'm going to keep watching it. But like we're in it. It's not my fault if you. watch the morning show, but if you do, then I have to know about it. Yeah, we're fucking in it, but like... Like, it doesn't get better, really. Actually, season three I really liked and, no, season two I really was okay with, like, even though it was still not good. It wasn't good, but I liked it. Um, season three, I think, is the one you haven't gotten to yet, and I haven't

watched season four, so maybe I'll catch up when you get there. I think I'm almost on season three. or I'm just or I'm just starting it Okay okay And then Yeah Also hacks is back So that is like

That's a show that you should watch That and also tell us if you're watching Like that is like my whole life Not as in like my life is like hacks My life is not like that at all But it has my whole heart Yes Yes yes yes

Those two ladies are everything Well we talk about Tons of shows on our Discord with all of our friends, not just at Brapy Hour. So if you join in the Thunder tier and above, you do get access to that. It's a welcoming crew. Everyone's really great. It's always fun time.

We have nothing but fun. We're all posting in the Hunger Games channel right now. Except for me, I guess. I've seen some good food posts. Yeah, except for you. I don't know where Eliana is, but I'm there. Alana's having a nervous breakdown. Coming out.

Yeah. That's true. That's true. All right, we did get an, we got an email from our friend, Thunderclapp who is really keeping us in mind of our mortality. I can't believe ever since he said that crap about 47 episodes, I'm just counting it down like death days, dude. Okay, it makes me think a little bit of like The Ring and how you only have like seven

days to live, but also, okay, here's a take that I came up with. It's completely unrelated to all of this, but like whatever. So the Ring. Oh, God. A version of it, which I never watched. Okay, I never watched The Ring because it's not for me. It's too scary. Yeah, it is.

It's not for you. Okay, listen, the ring is actually maybe in some ways you twist it a little and it's a movie that's actually about preserving art because you have seven days to make another physical copy of this movie

and we are in a time where a lot of that is threatened because everything only lives on streaming. That is the take that I came up with this weekend. No, because. It's kind of interesting, right? When people are like, oh, yeah, I'll preserve art or preserve things, they don't do it until there's a gun against their head.

So actually, maybe you're onto something. Like, maybe this is what we should do. Like, Eliana, I think I agree with your take that we should kill people if they don't preserve art. It wasn't. And that's what Eliana from Girls Gone Cannon just said. That wasn't what I was saying, but it's not like the worst lesson you could have taken away from what I said. No, I don't think it's like, I'm not against it. But like, I think there's some, but I just like think that the premise in which like...

Oh no. What's her name? Samara? Yeah. Of, or just the idea, right, in which people are forced to create like a physical copy and medium of a movie. Because we are losing, we, it's all threatened. Anyone can pull it. The corporations can pull it at any time.

is something to think about. Okay, we can go forward now. Wait, but no one can pull us but us. Wow, is that the true lesson? Are we passing the ring around, the video of the ring? Oh my God, what if someone starts burning us on fucking like cassette tapes?

Wait, I think someone should do that. Tell them stories, though. Yeah. Yeah, tell them stories. So, yeah, our friend Funderclap emailed us and talked about the Erie being impregnable. We're going to touch on it. Later on in the episode, Eliana did want to note he only has 45 more chances.

Yeah. Or is it 44? Yeah. So that's why I went on that whole tangent about the ring. Sorry. God. Here's what we missed in our lightning round between Tyrion 4 and Tyrion 5, starting with Aria 3.

Under the eye of the dragons of Valeria, Aria hears two men, blotting to kill her father. Hmm. Eddard ate This is the only time he ate An argument over killing girls Coss Robert his favorite hand job Honestly actually Eddard did ate

In standing up and doing that Yeah For sure Yes Go daddy Yeah Yeah, yeah, yes Ew, no

Ew All of these Anyways, Catalan 6 at the bloody gate Catalan and her tired retinue make the climb. It's the clime. I was thinking, I knew you were going to sing it.

I fucking knew. I know. I know. She is. It's the 20th. Happy for her. I really am. Well, like,

I'm not happy for everything she went through. But I'm happy that, you know, she's finding herself again. Because. Get your payday. Get your payday. Editor 9. That should not have trusted Littlefinger.

That's what I took from that chapter. Denaries for. Denaries tries and fails to give her brother a peace offering. Brand 5, attacked by outlaws in the wolfwood. Theon Greyjoy saves Brand's life. And now we're at Tyrion 5. Tyrion Lannister asks for justice in the Erie. The esteemed noble future Lord of High Garden, Braun answers.

I'm sorry for why I said that. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, my brain glitched out for a second. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, that's not canon. Girls not canon. Girl, no.

I don't know that that's real. It wasn't. I'm sorry that I used my platform for ill. I want to take the time to apologize to the community and those I have harmed at large for my statement today in Girls Gone Canon, Tyrion 5 overview. I apologize. This is so that weatherman apologizing on the morning show. Stop it. Not the morning show.

Because this is the morning show for Tyrion, too, because he's just woken up. You know, we open up on him. I thought you meant two women hosts. We open on Tyrion, starving, a prisoner guarded by Mord, who's brought a plate of boiled beans to him. Tyrion, of course, would prefer a leg of lamb, or beer or wine, but Mord, who Teryan notes,

is quite overweight and has brown rotting teeth and small dark eyes. Mord has nothing but beans for him. Why'd you spill your beans, Mord? Oh, spill the beans. Oh, they want Tyrion to spill the beans. I get it. That's what they're doing. Oh.

I see. But he's got none because only lies of those. Anyways, I don't know what's being channeled here necessarily, and I don't think this is really a thing, but the beans and Curian being all the way, all the way, all the way up in the Erie and being imperiled. It does make me think a little bit about Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack and the Giant Beanstalk. Yes.

Well, we've likened the Erie to so many other castles, right? Like the Cinderella castle, the actual literal one. And then, of course, the Cinderella story with Sansa and losing her foot. Oh, my God. The Mormon Temple. Wow. It's very much like a castle on a. cloud. Very

lim-is as well as here. I like the jack and the giant beanstalk, especially because Mord. Oh my god, don't make me jam. Do not cross off the bingo cards yet to our friends that are bingo carding on Discord. I like to go there in my sleep.

Anyways, but yes, it makes me think of like Mord as the giant Fifi phone who's holding Tyrion. Yeah, under his thumb. And then even like, actually if you think about it, sweet Robin, right? Robert Aaron because he's the giant quote unquote who

smashes his castle yeah slay yes slay oh my god he does slay I love that for him you know he really happens to all of us so like every meal that Tyrion has had served by

Mord they play this little game of Keepaway Tyrion's arms are too short to reach the food and Mord loves to withhold it from him Trian thinks all he to do is give a good shove and moored and his white belly would decorate the rocks of the eerie below, which at some points he notes some red on the rocks below. And he's like, like many others have. Also like, oh yeah, right, right, right, right. We're in the eerie. He's in a sky cell.

This does violate pretty much the Geneva entire Geneva conventions, like all of his treatment. I'm like, oh my God, dangle him out of the window, he can't sleep. He's literally, like, literally, like, this is very, very not fair treatment. And he even notes many times throughout this how he would rather be in the bowels of castorly rot. Yeah. And he was starved. And also remember he was semi-waterboarded on the way up here. Yeah.

No, literally, like, actually justice for men? Yeah. Question mark? That's all he's asking for. In this chapter, literally. Wow. Yeah, actually, it's honestly, like, pretty sad because they also, like, humiliate him. Like, he's getting played for laughs and, like, for a fool here by Mord, and it happens

more in this chapter. And you come to realize that this is what Tyrion's life has always been. Like, he has no choice but to abide the laughter. And he's got to grit his teeth and bear it. He can't, like, do anything against it in the way that Tywin or even, like, arguably Titus could have. And this is exactly what Tywin hated. He hated his family being laughed at, but like, dude, that's your son. And I'm like, no one's laughing at you necessarily, Tywin. They're laughing at your son and they're being mean to him. And it's like really sad.

Like this isn't even like a, just, oh, humiliation, your pride thing. This is just like genuinely kind of heartbreaking. It is kind of like Tyrion humiliation kink art the entire. chapter until at the end he gets a little support. Yeah. It gets a little bit over more. Like he starts to get his groove kind of back. He gets a little bit of his groove back. But it is watching him turn into his father in a lot of ways is very interesting.

Or his daddy. It depends which way you want to look at it. Which is actually really fun to compare with John, right? And a lot of John's actions in this book. Not that Tyrion Targaryen is canon, but if Tyrion Targaryen were canon. It would be two very interesting parallel streams to follow from the very beginning of a couple of bastard boys who stare into the flames and think about drag. I'm just saying, it's interesting, interesting, and how they feel about their fathers, quote unquote, and becoming

them despite those not being their fathers, maybe. I don't know. That is one of the things. Yeah, that is one of the things that makes me think, like, it might be canon, you know. Yeah. Actually, like, I do also enjoy that I'm just gas- lighting. I was like, I don't believe it, but if I did. I mean, well, I'm not saying I believe it or think about it all the time. It's just we have nothing else to do but think about it now. I know, right? Like, Chloe's, like, listened probably to one of my screams about it before, and we'll go over it again at some point. I just like keep putting it off because I just don't feel like doing it yet because I'm tired. And we got to keep you here waiting for it.

Yeah, get ready. That was teasing. That was for play, baby. someday you're going to get it. That's what it is. That's what we're doing. We're edging, which is just what Tyrion is doing here in the sky cell. Yeah, just tickling his own clip. Oh, I just meant like not, he's getting too close to the edge because he doesn't have a choice because his food's fucking being dangled. Yeah, it's fucked up, especially because his food like comes back on him when Mord throws it out. Yeah. He gets regurgitated on by the wind. And that pisses him off. So, like, he threatens Mord and Mord kicks

him with a steel-toed Westerosy Doc Martin boot. Yeah. And Tyrion doubles over the straw and he's like, I will kill you myself. I kind of wonder if he will follow up on that, especially now that he's like paid mord and stuff. I don't know. We'll see. Anything could happen. Yeah, I don't know. It's... Could get up there with a dragon. Same thing regarding like the humiliation.

Like, and why I think you need to look at Tyrion with a very intersectional lens because people feel very entitled to do whatever they want. to Tyrion's body, right? Which is something that we talk about when it comes to gender and the way that people treat and objectify women's bodies in a Song of Ice and Fire. Obviously it happens in real life too, but like in the Song of Ice and Fire and treated like property,

Tyrion's treated like an object and like he has no age. It's kind of like how Brand has no agency, right? Like when he's on that horse and surrounded by the free folk and the deserters in the woods like in this book, he can't do anything. That's very much like what happens with Tyrion here. He's treated with contempt for something he can't even control. Yeah.

And not just that, but like it's so not lost on me that Peter Dinklage plays another character who kind of portrays some of those thematics when he goes on dates with Liz Lemon and 30 Rock. I didn't know that happened. I haven't watched enough 30 Rock. What? Oh my God. it's a one episode, but he basically, I mean, it's been years. Like, if you haven't watched it, I'm going to spoil it, but he plays like a guy that she meets on the street and she's like baby crazy right now in this arc. So she like pats him on the head thinking he's a little boy and he turns around and then she ends up dating him like out of guilt and like plays it off that she was hitting on him and she was literally baby crazy the entire time. She's so the worst. But you know, that's literally what Tyrion's going. through with Liza in this chapter.

So. Yeah. And I don't feel bad about being, I feel like 30 Rock has just like been in the culture for so long that I've probably been like passively spoiled on everything somehow. Yeah, exactly. It's not a real, it's not like important episode also.

Like it just feeds into her character arc at the time of desiring a child. Um, but you know, anyways, it's like in the later seasons. I think it's like second to last or less. But, and I could be wrong on that.

I don't fucking know which episode. it is. I've seen them all a billion times. Absolutely though, like quite literally, that is a lot of it. Like, people just hate him for reasons he actually can't control, like, being Taiwan's son. Though to be fair, like he mouths off a lot about it so I can see why it gets on a lot of people's nerds. And Mort doesn't even hate him for being Tywin's son. He's just, like, hating on him because he can. He doesn't know he's Taiwan's son till later on. I don't even know if he knows who Tywin is. He only knows Lannister. I mean, literally Akab. Yeah. I'm serious.

Like, Mord is literally like everyone can be cruel. No matter who you are, everyone has the capacity to be cruel and take it out on other people, especially if you have nothing. Like, Mord has nothing. The only thing in this world that in this fucking mortal Mord world is that he has Tyrion or someone like Tyrion that he gets to abuse. And it's not always somebody as easy to abuse like Tyrion, you know. So yeah, it's like he got a live one this time. So I don't know, it's interesting to kind of examine that about Mord. This is Mort's life.

This is it for him. This is who he is. And sometimes that's how some people are, you know? It's sad. Rural. Yeah. Well, we have this line here of, for a small man, he had been cursed with a dangerously big mouth. He reflected as he crawled back to his corner of what the errands laughably called their dungeon.

And beneath the thin blanket, Tyrion watches that. empty sky and distant mountains. He's cold as a motherfucker, and also his cell is small, even for him, which, like, I guess is the point. They're trying to get you to, like, shooop. And there's this line here of, you fly. Mord had promised him when he'd shoved him into the cell. 20 day, 30, 50 maybe.

Then you fly. And I don't know. Seems dragon-y. Seems like dragon foreshadowing-y to me. And I don't know that, like, like, you're shadowingy to me. And I don't know that, like, there are theories that Tyrion becomes a dragon rider, especially because he designed the saddle for Brann and therefore will, like, be able to, like, design saddles.

He'll probably, like, design saddles for people in general, right? Because, like, Danny's just beer backing it right now. And her thighs are, like, probably super strong. Oh, my God. We, you and I have all watched House of the Dragon. Yeah, we've all watched... Like, Crushing the Melon in the Live? Exactly.

We've all watched House of the Dragon, and we're like, they're doing crazy shit. Can you imagine not? strapped in and she's just she's just doing it and yeah so anyways i think that he does fly on a dragon but i don't think he becomes a dragon rider you know i also do feel that like the um what is it ronel schera and vesenia thing in fire and blood and the world of ice and fire you know of Vesanya flying to the top of the erie and taking him out on a ride. Like, I'm not saying that will happen one-one with Sweet Robin, but like, I do feel that why would you have this castle, quote-unquote,

impregnable, impregnable, impregnable, impregnable, impregnable, impregnable, and then bring a dragon and not fly it to the top of the veil. Yeah. Like, what's the point? What's the point? For sure. For sure. Then you have three dragons, so that, Timmy just multiplies the chance. That it'll happen.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who. will do it. I mean, I guess it could be Tyrion, but I just, I don't think he's going to be a dragon. He could like go with someone to be like, let's go take this dragon to the eerie.

I got a pit stop to make. Right. Or opposite of pit stop. Hmm. Because it's not a pit. Anyways. Wow. Deep thoughts today.

Okay. Topography queen. Wow. Deep thoughts. Deep thoughts. So the floor of the cell slopes. Ever so slightly. enough to keep you from sleeping

and also enough to fear just rolling in terror. And there's a line here of small wonder the sky cells drove men mad. God save me. Some previous tenant had written on the wall and something that looked suspiciously like blood. The blue is calling. Very interesting and we don't have a lot of context.

We have a couple of stories on people that have been in there. So George had some thoughts that he pursued. The one that comes to mind is Arnold Aaron, the Mad Air. You might remember a little ditty called the Dance of the Dragons. Yes, question mark, question mark. Well, there was a mini dance in the veil, dance of the falcons, a first cousin of Jane Aaron, so Arnold Aaron. He rose up against Jane to contest her inheritance.

Her inheritance, she said, was she wanted Joffrey Aaron. the knight of the gate and Jane dies in 134 AC so she wants Sir Geoffrey Aaron as her heir, her fourth cousin. Four comes after one, for those of you keeping score at home. And Arnold Aaron rises up twice. He claims women were too soft to rule and after his second uprising, he is imprisoned in the sky cells. So he goes mad in the cells at this point itself. and his very sane, all can agree, and very ambitious son, Eldrick presses his own claim. Many people agree and they're like, yeah, the laws of inheritance cannot be put aside by the whim of a dying woman. They're very anti-woman at this point, right?

Like, I don't know if you remember, but The Dance of the Dragons, you know. That's true. And that's why we don't have female presidents anymore. Exactly. good. Anyway, so a war breaks out. There are three different claimants, and by the end. And the Oakenfist and Benjicott Blackwood, you guys remember them, force Isambard and Arnold's factions to give up and give in to Lord Joffrey as their liege, to-da, and it's interesting because we kind of have a lot at play of people contesting wills and contesting things right now,

especially with like the truth of John Aaron's death about to come out, right? The truth. And you have like, Marillion is going to go mad in the sky cells, if you recall, from his torture. And some of this like whole entire veil succession, A reminds me a little bit of little figure speech and a feast for crows where we start to unravel the succession and why Harry the air is important. But also reminds me a little bit of three people that might have contested claims. too, Danny Agan and John. And just how there's three of them running around and the, like, the whim of a dying woman, that also feels interesting.

The laws of inheritance can't be put aside by the whim of a dying woman. Reminds me a John a little bit, right? Yeah. Promise me. Promise me. What was the promise? No one knows. And also, in a way, hasn't Liza kind of started to go mad up here as well?

Like not just in the cells Like in the ear Yeah In ASOS too When she breaks Like maybe she's mad But also What's madness?

Really Yeah I mean like I don't know if she started Going mad By the time we're here She starts to I don't know

This chapter's a little She does some I just feel like She's already there Oh yes Yes yes Yes No exactly

She's like A little out there She's so eccentric. Quirky. I don't... She's like, Gail from Bob's Burgers. Just kidding. Yeah, oh my God. That's what I think of. It's literally... No. Yeah. That's our head canon at home. It is Gail and Linda as Kat and Liza. I don't know anyone else with us, but... As we've discussed back then, during like Catlin's chapters, I want to say, you get it. I understand why she's that way. I would fucking lose my shit too.

But, yeah. I mean, miscarriage after miscarriage forced to marry someone that you have nothing for and actually is kind of gross. Yep. And then also forced you probably are having miscarriages because you were forced to have

an abortion as like a child. Yeah. And the one thing you're supposed to like, I mean, it's just like crazy to like you know, you do everything that's asked of you. And then in the moment that you think you're about to have everything forever with the man that you love, you're killed.

Yeah. Ignoring the part with the man that she loved thing. Like, there's a lot about it that actually is very... Yeah, that's kind of questionable there too. Well, I mean, there's a lot about it that's very also in a way like Proto Sercy, right? Like, like, killing... Protosurcy. And killing.

Yeah. Oh my God, Sersie. You were just following, like... What a follower. No wonder she didn't like her. Liza. Yeah. Liza was a trailblazer.

Ooh, poison your husband. Let him die. Yeah. Right. Like at least Liza had the balls to do it. Just kidding. In like one swoop. She's like, I don't give a fuck.

But yeah, she was a trailblazer, dude. Yeah. And then having like, you know, being like, oh, this is my son that I'm like doning on a lot. You know? But like also did kind of like assault Peter. Not saying, you know. But kind of. Well, Circe's also assaulted that girl.

That's true. And by that I mean murder. Oh, Jesus. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I was going to say, I don't know. Yeah, she's out there too.

She's done some questionable. Just two queens, you know, serving. For real. For real. Wow. We're just like saying whatever now. No, but like actually. But I don't know.

Like Liza just feels like a cautionary tale for a lot of the arts in the story that we're going to learn more about. I agree. and a lot of things go really haywire in the eerie after her death based kind of on her whims. Yeah, dying woman's whims. Yeah, which we'll get to. Well, Tyrion wondered who the man who left the bloody message in the cell was at first, but eventually Tyrion decides he'd rather not know. We kind of recap how we got here with Tyrion,

for those of us only reading Tyrion and no other contextual Catalan chapters. so was. The wretched boy had started it, looking down on him from a throne of carved Weirwood beneath moon and falcon banners. Is he the bad man? Robert Aaron had asked, and Liza confirmed telling him,

this is who murdered his father. We have a passage of. She raised her voice so it carried down the length of the high hall of the eerie, ringing off the milk white walls and the slender pillars, so every man could hear it. He slew the hand of the king.

Oh, did I kill him too? Tyrion had said, like a fool, that would have been a very good time to have kept his mouth closed and his head bowed. Yeah, he should shut the fuck up. Yo, real. It's a good thing I can edit that stuff out in this podcast for myself.

There's a lot. In this chapter, in the language here, that I think, we'll come back to this at some point, and I say that all the time, feeds into our good friend, Hamfas 64's theory. It's a really good one, the Quiet Lion theory. So, just saying. Very fun, very fun. I love the description of the castle we get. It's like a, wow, I guess I didn't think of it this way, but it reminds me of, like, Danny's dream that kind of

seems to turn into an ice shlong in her. The way it's described, like, the marble pillars with the blue veins. It's like, the high hall of the errands was long and austere with a forbidding coldness to its walls of blue-veined white marble. But the faces around him have been colder by far. Very beautiful, but does make me think of like a blue, vainy dick for some reason during this. I don't know. Don't know what's going on. It's late.

Life's hard. Yeah. Life. I don't know. Like, close your eyes. Do you see it? White marble columns with blue veins all over them. What do they look like? Yeah. It feels... Yoran's dick. No, I'm just...

Oh, I don't know that that's what I thought you were going for. I thought we were talking about the others in the Long Night again. Sorry. But that too. I mean, also that. Wait, sorry. Mark that one off on your bingo cards, friends. Eliana thought about the Long Night. I was trying to make, like, something work there in terms of a joke of Long Night and Uran's Dick. and I was just like, I'm done. I mean, actually, though,

they're both. I mean, winter is coming. Whoa. That was too easy. There's a lot. There's a lot to think about. A lot to think about today. It wasn't my best work.

Neither was mine. So, we're just here. I have to apologize again. This podcast is becoming so low. I, Chloe, will apologize to the community once more, once more. With feeling. The next episode of Hacks isn't out yet.

That's fucked up. But anyways. I haven't even started yet. I haven't started yet. All I know is episodes too not out. That was not proper language. All I knows that episode two is not out. Anyways.

We have a line here that was said earlier of, Is He the Badman by Robert Aaron? And he's asking his mother this aloud. And it really makes me think of like the idea of how we paint other people's stories because that's very much what Tyrion's arc is about. It's like what everyone's arc is about, of course. but like how because he just doesn't look like everyone, right? Like he gets framed as a monster and like how he contorts himself to fit the story for everyone else.

Because he's tired of trying to prove like his own. And I think like that's really powerful. But also I want to say like it's very impressive to me like looking back on it of Liza. She's just she's just out here lying. She's full of laughing. She's just lying to everyone. She's lied to her son. She's like, that man killed your dad, little boy.

She's like, yeah, sure, kid. Yeah, she's like, whatever. I'm going to lie to my son. I'm going to lie to all these people. And, like, honestly, that really should have, I guess, said something because, like, the person who's saying it's a lot of someone else killed him. Like, you know, I'm like, whoa. Like, first of all, sway.

But also. Yeah. Yeah. But also, I'm like, wow. she's just really good at lying. But also, I'm like, maybe if you're always just a little unhinged and always have an affect that seems detached from reality on a regular basis, maybe it's just like really easy to just deliver shit and people are going to believe it of you because they're always like, she's a little off all the time. And also, like her reality has been alive for a very long time.

Like, how old is lies right now? Like 32? Probably, or like 30, something like that. She's not... She's younger than us. She's not gonna lie. Yeah, that's true. She's had to lie about who she is in her reality for like half of her life.

Like, that would change anyone. I'm so glad we're talking so much about Liza, by the way. I'm sorry to everyone else that's here for men's rights, but I guess Liza gets right to when she's with us too. I don't know what's wrong with us, but, you know, as somebody who's not yet Liza age, comma, just gonna let that one breathe for a second. Why are you laughing? I'm not.

I'm not. I think it's funny to think about becoming one day, Liza H. Are you not championing young women? Like, that hurt. She is still a young woman, honestly. No, literally. Literally. I, like, legitimately consider the scope of young woman.

Cats on the edge there. I don't know anymore. Like, by the end of the series, she's definitely not. Because I don't think. No, she ages like 10 years in one moment. That's true, but also I'm just like 34. You're just woman. That's my goal.

Like, don't get any older than that, you know? Yeah. The undead. But it, like, I'm just going to stop aging after I like turn curdled. I think like if I were undead, like that could make things easier. Like, you don't have to have a career when you're undead. How long have you been, Liza age? A long time.

Your boss are proud of. I do think, like, Tiri and. and Liza is such like a simulation level like relationship happening on page. It's like what these two meeting doesn't feel real sometimes. It's so funny to remember like, Tyrion and Liza met. They exchanged words. Well, this is the time that they meet. And it's actually like kind of interesting and a little weird if you think about the fact

that they probably would have encountered each other theoretically a lot. Or like fairly frequently Kingslanding. Hmm. I don't get the feeling he was that engaged. And she clearly wasn't either. I mean, she wasn't there, like, all the time. No, she was planning a murder. Yeah, she would have been there a non-zero amount of time.

She wasn't, she was carrying out the murder, little by little. She's got, she's got commitment. There's that. Oh, my God. So, Tyrion is unable to stop himself, right, here. And, like, I think this tells you about him. We already know a lot about him, but, like, you know, he's always been the most powerful person in many rooms.

We see that he's kind of unable to hold his tongue a bit in the Knights Watch. He can't stop making jokes and quips, right? And he's able to do so there. And to what you were saying last episode, Chloe, like, Tyrion is very sheltered, whereas here, it's not like the Knights Watch.

Here, he is among equals. And not only that, he's, like, on his back foot. In terms of the power dynamics, like, he's in a different kingdom with two wives of hands of the king. And, like, he doesn't necessarily have the upper hand.

His shield has always been his wit, but that's because he's had to be able to grin and bear the everyday indignities. And he doesn't have any of the survival skills that we see the lower classes have to develop, right? Like, the lower classes don't, like, make quips to try and save pride. Like, they don't, that's not how they survive. They just, like, put their head down and they also bear the same thing as Tyrion all the time, but they don't say anything.

and Tyrion has never learned to just say nothing. Yeah, his absolute, like something you said, and I didn't at first agree, but now I completely think that we're thinking a similar thing. Like I translated the Eliana, and I'm like, oh, my God, yeah, because it's not even just that he's always been the most powerful, but he's always been the smartest, the one that's been allowed to have the last word always. He's always got to get that last smartest word in. And this is the one time where, yeah, like, he actually has no protection.

He has no one from his family to allow him to have that snarky last word and whatever. Like they put up with it. Taiwan obviously hates it. Like we see that later. He's like, I don't like when you're a smart aleck. But because no one's there too, like you do see like he doesn't actually know how to behave in that kind of scenario.

You do see that he learns from it actually in the very next chapter, right? When he meets the people on the ground, the clans and he charms. and he charms them enough for them to join because gold will charm a lot of people. But it doesn't charm moored as much here until like he starts to get his power, his groove kind of back in the second half of the chapter. He's not winning against the Toleys.

They've overpowered him, those girls. I mean, that was that was his shield, right? Being able to charm people. He was like, I got none of the other stats. So I'm going to just dump everything into my charisma stat. And then he's just like rolling zeros. The whole time. He's like rolling ones, this whole fucking time.

Well, and the future Lord of High Garden does become his friend in this chapter, to be fair. That's true. I'm sorry, just kill me. Just kill me. Murder me. I mean, maybe it makes sense, because he comes into the story at a time where we're very high up. High is honor. So High Garden.

I'm done with this. I'm done with this. Never mind. Anyway, anyway. Very interesting. Lots going on. Like, Tyrion really getting himself into trouble and out of trouble with his mouth is so significant in his plot. It doesn't stop here.

It keeps happening. This part right here really got me where his legs were kind of unable to take it the whole way up to the eerie. And Braun had to carry him, which just put him in a worse mood. So, like, he's also very much easily provoked and feeling defensive, and he's snarking as a defense mechanism, right? because he's humiliated. Like, he's had to be carried, just like he was put in the fucking winch-chain box at the Knights Watch. Like, it's embarrassing for a high lord's son,

a great lord son, who, you know, is supposed to be, have a standing in life, to be put in a box and pulled up the ice wall. It's not very becoming of a Lannister. And here, he's being carried by some rogue fucking cell sword who has nothing, like, no power until he becomes the Lord of High Garden, no power for on.

So I don't know, it's just hard because then he's ashamed so he lashes out even more. It makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense. And of course, like, his sarcasm gets him jailed. Like, after being mocked by Liza and Robert on his size, his lineage, et cetera, here it's just like a psychoanalysis of me right now, except I'm not small.

You're not. You're tall. Thank you. We discussed hide again during brunch. Yes, yes. Yeah, so it's around this time that we start getting more of that language, right, about how the Eerie is impregnable. It's like been brought up before, but it's really,

it's really hammered home here, and Thunderclip emailed asking, It's mentioned numerous times the Eerie is impregnable, to the point it seems celestially ordained that it will be. What would be the more satisfying way for it to be taken? 20 good men or one bad dragon? it's emphasized here that due to the iri being impregnable lies is like no one can hurt you here no one can hurt us here and yet i think that in terms of you know we've all talked about dragons and and the pregnantability of the iri and it's been shown to vizenia it doesn't even take 20 good men it takes one

bad man and we see it throughout the end of storm and feast right like yes, you very much can be hurt in the eerie. And it happens in what is kind of arguably a very pregnable way because of the way that he gets in there. It's Littlefinger. He comes into the eerie, literally. And in every way, he comes into the eerie and hurts. He comes every way.

Yeah. Are you saying that he takes it from the bath and the front? I could see Liza wanting to do. Does he enter the mouth of the eerie? Is there a mouth of the eerie? The opening? Yeah, he does. Boom, there it is.

Going in the gate, the gate, the bloody gate. The bloody gate. Oh, I know, that's fucked up. Eiff. Anyways. Oh, George, you're such a little perv. But, like, the acts that he does,

like, I know some people theorize that Robert Aaron might be Little Fingers Kid. I don't really know where I fall. I don't know. I don't feel like thinking about it. I'm not, like, against it. I just am like, whatever at this moment. Yeah, like, we're still trying to get around

Tyrion Targaryen. Chill out. Chill out. Well, I'm, I'm, I've been on, like, potentially Tyrion. I'm just, like, we have to devote the brain power somewhere else right now. Anyways. Um, yeah. So, like, he, you know, Little Fingers fucking Liza, right? Like, it, the Erie is, like, pregnantable in a way that is, feels very much to what the term is, right? John Aaron's struggling to have heirs. And then Little Finger comes into the Erie and he hurts Liza. He murders her and he is hurting Robert slowly. by slowly poisoning him. Yeah.

It's really interesting. Do you, okay. So you know how I like to sometimes bring up fables? Okay. Okay. So this really made me think about Littlefinger in terms of a fox character in fables. And then I was confirming the fable that I felt this way about Littlefinger,

but I actually found out that I merged several fables in the one in my mind. So I'm going to tell you. you what I thought the fable was. I think it was the tortoise and the hair, but also the fox and the scorpion. So I think I married them because in my head it was a fox and another character. And the fox is like, I need to get across the river. And the other character's like, I can get you across. But in order to do that, you know, you'll have to get on my back and it'll take a while. And then, but so that's why I'm like, I think it's tortoise and the hair I was thinking about. I don't know, but whatever about. But basically the fox like tricks them and tries to drown them.

and then eat them or I don't know something but like Little Finger like is a fox like he got in the hen house he hid himself and he goes look at me fellow student hens I'm also a hen and then he was like fucking your woman and I'm killing your kids and I'm coming for you and here I am and now I want the Erie like Little Finger master plan is wild like it is anyways so I got the fables wrong but just know I was thinking. I was out here thinking. I don't know which one you're thinking of, but it does sound familiar, so I believe it exists. We just haven't found it yet.

Thank you. Thank you for your faith, your utter faith in me. Absolutely. Faithful. That wasn't good. That wasn't very good. You'll work on it. You'll work on it.

Had reminded everyone, thankfully, that, whoa, Tyrgian is my prisoner. Please do not harm him. But Liza's men shoved him to the floor and he fell once more when he tried to get back up because his legs are fucked up from this climb. And then the people laughed at it. And Liza then commanded that he be taken by Servardus Egan to the dungeon and as they carried him away, he told them that he would remember this and honestly like just the whole scene of like he falls back down again because his legs have been fucked up from this climb and

the laugh, it's fucked up. It's devastating. Yeah, definitely rough handling, like not right. Yeah. Also, I love that you notice here, like, Catalan's losing control. I know we talked about this a little during her chapter, but like, she's clearly like, ha, ha, ha, maybe my sister is insane and I'm in danger. Like, she has the moment here where she's like, oh, maybe this was an actual mistake.

And the rough handling of Tyrion is notable. Like, ugh, it's a bummer. It's a bummer for all. involved and especially for terrian yeah who's experiencing this and he reassures himself he's like okay well they can't kill me because it would mean more if they killed me and every single day he's being kept in the sky cells like he's being he's getting weaker he's hungry he's cold and he's like i wonder what's happening beyond my cell iwin must have sent out riders and jamie must be leading a host to me unless James is writing for Winterfeld, does anyone know where he is? And then he thinks, he wondered what

Circe would do when she heard. The king could order him freed, but would Robert listen to his queen or his hand? Tyrion had no illusions about the king's love for his sister. If Circe kept her wits about her, she would insist the king sit in judgment of Tyrion himself. So depressing, like Bro just wants someone to love him and he's like, well, my sister fucking hates my gut, so I don't know that she would the fuck. And he's like, has this fantasy though. And he's like, man, I have a fantasy and it's that my family loves me. It's actually like really sad. I mean, Jamie does kind of try to do this a little. A little. Tywin does stuff a little. I mean, a lot. He does stuff a lot in response, but. It's good we don't have his POV on it. I think it does keep it that much more elusive and all.

And that said, like I do feel he does care about it. Like, this is like, terrible handling. Even if it's just for PR, you can't let Kendall Roy get thrashed like this. Yeah. I mean, like, Jamie's only really held back by the fact that, like, he has a job, but he goes out there, he's like, I'm going to kill

I'm going to kill Ned Stark's friends over this and fuck up his leg. He does. So, I mean, but thankfully I'm an only child, so I don't know what that means. Yeah, that's part of why like the whole betrayal between Tyrion and Jamie is,

really devastating. Yeah, because they, like, loved each other-ish. They were so close to breaking the familial fucking toxicity. I mean, I think that they actually did, right? They actually do love each other. J.B.'s the only one, I guess, who experiences love to an extent in that family. Like, holy. It's just in a weird... And outside the family. Yeah, it's just in a weird way, you know, with his sister. It's not in the way most people feel love with their siblings. Yeah, Jamie had a couple chances to be normalized, that's for sure. Yeah, he was close. Anyways.

So even Ned Stark could scarcely object to that, right, to giving Tyrion a trial, and Tyrion would be only too glad to take his chances in a trial. Feels significant. What does it mean? Tyrion thinks of his sister. She has a low-cutting, but she's blinded by her pride. She would see the insult in this situation, but not the opportunity. And Jamie was worse, rash, headstrong, quick to anger, which we do see in this book.

He wonders which of them sent the assassin to silence Bran. And if they were really the cause of John Aaron's death, if he had been murdered, it was subtly done. Old men die of illness all the time, but sending an oath with a stolen dagger to kill Bran was clumsy, and it wasn't that peculiar. And Tyrion wonders, perhaps the dire wolf and the lion were not the only beast. in the woods. And if that was true, someone was using him as a cat's paw. Tyrion Lannister hated

being used. And I'm just saying, the fishbird is out there. The fishbird being Liza. And also, I guess, Joffrey Wolding out. Yeah, I was thinking, like, it's funny because I'm like, actually, yes, it is a lion in the woods doing it. How funny, Tyrion,

how funny. You're not as cunning as you think you are. And then also, like, that he thinks he hates being used. That's his thing that he hates and then, but also specifically dates sex workers who are being paid for a service, which is where he is like, the services use me. He hates being used, but he's like, you know, paying for that feeling, like, intentionally. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. It just makes me think, like, you know, Tyrion's kink, which is pretending that his family loves him, that gets him off, and then, like, he hates being used.

Yeah. Oh, Tyrion, you're a mess, boy. He's so messy. And all he wants is for dad to think that he's useful because being useful is the closest thing to love for him. Also, like, that he has to think this through and logic through, like, resorting to something he's not going to get a fair shake at. Like, the main way through this world, if you get in trouble with the law, is trial by

combat. Right. What is his go-to as we're about to see and they're like, no, you can't, you can't have Jamie. Like, that's not how this is going to work. Like, the person has to do it here. But like, he straight up is like,

my big brother will help me and he's like, nope, guess that won't work. And then it's like, that's the main way that you get out of trouble in this life. Disabled folk, get this? Like, that ain't shit for you. Like, you can't win or prove your innocence by being strong. It goes back to people. Hate him and have contempt for him for something he cannot change.

Agreed. Especially he's dead. Yeah. But like actually it's kind of... Yeah. It does. Isn't that weird? Yeah.

When you... Chivalry really is dead. Shivroy. Um... No. You're so sexy. Come back. Chivroy.

Ha ha. Unless. When you said that like hurt his way of getting out of things is like J. I'm like that actually is like a trope, right? And it's kind of fun. to think about it in that way of like, you know, little kid being like, my big brother's going to beat you up, you know, getting...

Yeah. Like, yeah, that's actually literally, like, how their dynamic has been. It's like that old, like, schoolyard story. Yeah. But honestly, kind of funny that Tyrion's chapter kind of, if you pay attention, lays out, like, wait, maybe Jamie and Circe are innocent of the two very big things that they're being accused of.

Maybe I misjudged them. Sircy being like, what the fuck? As innocent as the maid. And she's like, what? No, I didn't. But okay, sure. Whatever keeps me mysterious, nettered. So Tyrion thinks he has to get himself out of here.

His mouth got him into this mess. Maybe it can get him out. So he calls for Mord and he decides to bribe Mord. and he's very brave about it, and Mord beats the shit back out of him. He hits him with a leather strap, and Tereon tries again and tries again. And he's basically right at the edge of the cell. He's like, Mord's not going to kill me. Catalan needs me alive, and he turns to flattery.

And he's like, I could give you money, a strong man like you, I could really use you, I could give you gold. And then he's like, I could give you a lordship, a Mordship. Mordship. Thank you. and you just have to deliver a message to Lady Liza that I wish to confess my crime. So he's awakened by serve artist's boot, nudging him awake and getting him on his feet,

and he plays a little game with Mord. He's like, let's see what Mord'll do for me, and he's like, Mord, will you fetch my shadow skin cloak that you took for very safe keeping? Because, you know, what a fine fellow Mord is to keep Teryn's belonging safe for him. Mord goes for the cloak, and Trian's like, oh, thank you, Mord.

of you every time that I wear it. Oh, Tyrion. Think of more it's softly. Oh, faulty. Oh, faulty. Is it? Like a lover would. Is it softly or fondly?

It's fondly. It's fondly. Oh my god, I don't know anything. You know, you know a couple things. Just maybe not that. And that's okay. I don't know song lyrics. I think we all have, we've established that before though.

That's okay. I like that you can make up whatever you want. want and I would listen to it. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. Tyrion plays kind of a fun game of loyalties and you start to see that emerge. He starts to kind of bet on having friends

on if they were being loyal to him, but also you start to see it become transactional. What does he have to offer him? Well, he has gold to offer more. But you see him do this a lot when he's getting out of danger. I'm like, what happens when he run out of gold?

But also, I mean, I can tell you it's why in my career I was always driven to like have a job no matter what like or find a way like have a backup plan because like I'm definitely afraid of having to like rely on myself when my body breaks down. You know, like it'll happen to all of us eventually under capitalism and like from aging and just like, you know, depending on what you do all day every day. But I'm just like on top of having a disability, you know, all Tyrion has is gold. doesn't have his body, his body doesn't fucking work. He doesn't have a lot of stuff. Like, he can't easily charm people or, like, fight, you know? But if he can learn his words and learn when to shut his mouth and not, he could sharpen that tongue and probably stand a fighting chance. But I don't know what's interesting. There's also this interesting bit of, like, where class kind of crosses this section,

because, of course, look at him and Shay, right? like there's a kindredness where Tyrion thinks because he is a somewhat marginalized person that he has almost like an immediate allegiance and allyship with people of a lower class or of people that have something in their lives that make them seem lesser in the eye of like anyone but because of that class association Tyrion like doesn't believe that these people could ever do anything bigger than what they are because he's also never believed that he could either right to an extent so like Shea he's like she could never ever betray me she doesn't even have it in her um or sanza right where he's like well sansa's just like a girl and she's just praying a lot there's nothing she could do and then suddenly like she gets one over on him and he's like wow damn her you know it's interesting or you know catalin her uh handicap of course is being a woman but he also is like how could she how could she get one over me there's no way so it's interesting when he's out-tricked, outsmarted, especially with some of the class connotations he runs into.

So it's all very transactional and it starts here and it continues on. Yeah. I think that's why Penny A is so important to his storyline because he can't just like pay his way out of it. And then he's like, wait, what would it mean if I were not rich? And again, like, maybe being a lanister has been like a cage for him. But, yeah. I mean, we all have cages. That's true.

Yeah, and I mean, it is, as you pointed something out of like, you know, he just keeps paying his way out of these things. And like, we see that he does that with Brown Men Plum, if I'm not mistaken, be like, I don't know, I'll just give you an I owe you, right? Like, we'll do all this and then I'll get out and then I'll somehow get back to all my gold and then pay you. And you're right, it becomes a pattern for him. But it's kind of interesting to think that like it didn't used to have to be a pattern for him. Like, he didn't use to get taken. prisoner all the fucking time. It's only like since these books started, he like turns 27. The next thing you know, he's getting locked up for no fucking reason and has to keep buying himself out of being a prisoner. Yeah. And when he doesn't have daddy's money... He just pretends to.

Yeah. And when after that, when he's like, okay, well, we'll just take it and get daddy's money. Daddy's dead, but I'll figure it out. It's the ultimate heist. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that would be so fun if he got a heist chapter like that into Castorley. I hope George does that.

George, please. Please, I beg you. In a way, like, escaping slavery is kind of a little mini heist. Definitely heisty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting.

So downstairs, Lady Liza is wearing black silk with a moon and falcon sewn into her breast with pearls. And her long Auburn hair is an elaborate braid across her shoulder. Honestly, like, this dress sounds amazing. Little Lord Fuckleroy, which is what Chloe has written here, is off taking a nap, thankfully. But instead, Brendan Tully and Nestor Royce are in attendance, and Royce's heir, Sir Albar. Most principal houses of the veil are there to see his confession. Very interesting.

and it's crazy that we have the Lord's Declanat showing up ish here and then you have it with Littlefinger right when they're like Littlefinger, you're on trial now with us and he's like, no, I'm not. And they're like, okay, fine, you're not this time. It makes me think we'll see more of the veil like this again. And interesting to like also be able to see the veil

or see like another kingdom so early in the story come to this. It almost makes me wonder like, will we see something more like this with Littlefinger and Sonsa? I don't know, very interesting, but I love that Liza is still in mourning performatively in order to like upkeep the management going on here in the veil and to keep them balanced. Like with the Lord's Declan, you start to see some of that, what it takes to be a widow in power. And kind of we look at that with Cersie.

And we look at that with Catalan too, right? When Ned dies and like, obviously you have a king. that you have a lord you have a king you have a boy that becomes that figure that allows you to kind of wield power still but uh great to see her in mourning performatively in a positive way like good for you sleigh it is also like interesting i haven't thought about it in that way when you think but what you were saying about mourning and having, deriving your power to an extent through like a boy, right? And being very much in mourning and wielding power through that as a widow. But also I'm like thinking lady's stoneheart and the morning, I guess, because also their king has died as well as her husband. And honestly her too.

She also died. Yeah, yeah. And so there's a lot of more name. Lady Jessica and Paul, right? Like, all of this is very much, like Lady Jessica and Paul and Lido's death. It's very much, I think, yeah, yeah, I think what you're saying, like, they're very much, George is very much taking inspiration for that. Yes, yes, yes.

Tyrion sees Marillion and smiles, thinking, whatever happens tonight, he does not want it to happen in secret. And the singer is the perfect person to spread stories, because, you know, And Merylian gets really far outside of this place. He eyes Braun, who sits beneath the pillar, his hand on the pommel of his sword, watching Tyrion, and Trian gives him a very long look, wondering. And then is interrupted by Catlin and Liza. Katlin begins to segue into him telling his crimes, and Liza says that the sky cells always break

them. And Katlin says, I don't know, he doesn't look broken to her, and then they quit arguing, and they're like, we'll just let him confess. sisters, am I right? Am I right? Neither do I. We just wanted to say things. Okay, the line, though, where Katlin says,

he does not look broken to me, it feels significant with the themes of the story. Roots are still strong, huh? I think so. I'm not dead. Broken, not dead. You can always come back. Yeah, right?

I'm like, you can always come back. No, there is something going on there. Absolutely. It doesn't look broken. He's a strong boy. We get a confession. We do get our confession. I don't know if this would hold up in a court of law. Write in. Tell us your thoughts.

And now to roll the dice. He thought with another quick glance back at Braun. Where to begin. I am a vile little man. I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. lords and ladies, I have lain with whores, not once, but hundreds of times. I have wished my own lord father dead and my sister, our gracious queen as well. Behind him, someone chuckled. I have not

always treated my servants with kindness. I've gambled. I've even cheated. I blush to admit. I have said many cruel and malicious things about the noble lords and ladies of the court. of course this is not the confession any of them we're expecting this is just like normal shit that they've all been thinking because their lives are so fucking boring that they have to create drama in the veil when you said like this is not the confession news i'm like thinking of like usher and like tyrian this is not their confession

this is my confessions yeah and like tyrian coming and doing it it would be very cute someone should do that um Liza's face is burning pink and she's like what are you doing And Tyrion's like, I'm confessing my crimes. And Katlyn is like, no. We're talking about the one where you try to kill Brand and conspire to kill John Aaron. But he's like, no. I didn't do that.

Like, I didn't do that one. Yeah, I didn't do all that. I did not. I did not. Oh, my God. Liza tries to order him back to the dungeon. And, but Tyrion roars. Ooh, I like to use the word roar here, Chloe.

Is this how justice has done? in the veil, dishonor stop at the bloody gate. And he accuses them of starving and freezing him to death with no justice and declares a trial to let him speak his truth in sight of gods and men. He thinks that the high

born son of the most powerful lord of the realm and the brother of the queen. He cannot be denied a trial. Honestly, yeah, he's kind of right. Kind of fun. I'm like, does this hint at him supporting Danny? Like, he

loves a queen. No, I'm just kidding. Interesting that he out loud puts his father as number one. Yeah. The most powerful lord in the entire realm. Obviously it would be Peng Robert, the lord of all lords. But then he's like, my father, the inventor of gold at Castor the Rock, also this brings to mind Laura Rojjar, which like, honestly, let's face it, I'm always thinking about Laura Rojar. I don't know if anyone knows this about me, but actually maybe, or Jessa from girls. I guess. But yes, Amanda Seafreed, but I'm trying to remember the illustration.

I'm trying to remember the illustration in the world. So, Laura and her family, for those of you that don't remember from World of Ice and Fire and Blood, the Rojare family, whatever, Rojare makes the Italian hand symbol. they come over, they find Vassaris and she marries him, you know, like trigger warning grooming. And so she's a little older than him, all that. But she comes over and she's totally like, you know, bride to an heir of the throne. She doesn't really have friends. She doesn't know anyone.

She has nothing but like her family and their business and a bunch of cats. she likes cats and like her own maidens and stuff around her but like i don't know then she falls out of favor obviously her family falls out of favor and like looking at like tywin's biggest point of legitimacy which he's very mobster like he's all about legitimacy but his biggest point of legitimacy he rolled the dice and like his daughter actually holds that key she's married to the quote unquote quote unquote most powerful man in westeros quote unquote quote unquote um that he helped in throne, right? Like, they put a puppet on the throne so he could maintain power,

and he did it by sacrificing her body, which, again, a lot of this chapter has those same connotations with Liza and John. But very interesting, like Laura Rojare and her family stood trial, right? I think about Tyrion being like, I'll stand trial, all stand trial in front of the realm, and you guys can all judge, like, whether or not me and my family and what we do, but, you know, they lost. She was queen eventually, or she would have been basically queen when DeSarius rose.

She was kind of malaria, you know, like of Dorn, like pieced out. You know, they separated it seems when she went back before the end. But like, you know, Luceris's wife, like he rises to be the king. I don't know, man, you think about it. And I'm like, she was like next queen in line. After Egan and whoever he marries and his children, she would have been the next queen in line. didn't excuse her family. Like, actually,

Tyrion, they would have killed you with hammers, bro. Yeah. I mean, they're fucking trying to. They are trying to.

You have the biggest crime family in Westeros. Like, this is what happened to the biggest fucking mob crime family in Westeros that started a bank.

Yeah. They ended. I mean, the Lannister's will too. I wouldn't rely on that family. I would make new bets, bro. They would make some new bets,

which I think he will. Yeah. Extinct. A lot of extinct houses probably by the end of the book. Clearly apparently the Tyrell's, because the brawn becomes... Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Liza warns Tyrion that if he's found guilty, that he will pay with his own life's blood

by the king's own laws and threatens him with the moon door, which they open, and the empty night sky sounds outside of them. Behold, the king's justice, Liza declares. And Catlin's, like, I don't think this. This is a good idea anymore, by the way, to her sister. But Lise ignores her. Liza is busy being like, I'm putting on a show. I'm lying to everyone.

I'm acting. And she's really leaning into it and tells Tyrion that Robert Aaron will be the judge of what he says. And Tyrion is just like, question mark, question mark, question mark. This is insane. Question mark, question mark. I've tried to like convey to you the vision also of Chloe's notes. Because that is it. Yeah.

And of course, Tyrion is like, okay, well, I declare trial by combat because clearly this is literally insane. And everyone like starts laughing, which is fucked up. And again, Tywin in this scenario, imagine. And Liza's like, is he insane? Is he stupid? Question mark, Liza says. Is he stupid? Of course, though, once more we get just like with Catalan in the last chapter,

all of these men performative raising their hand. They're like, please, Liza, let me, the most loyal of all of John Aaron's men, defend your impregnable pussy. Actually, it's like also just so fucked up, everyone's laughing. And then they're also using this moment to be like, please, Liza, let me help you. Please, please. Yeah. And Tywin would have hated this. Rest and peace, Tywin, Lannister.

You would have hated being embarrassed about your son. rest in peace Taiwan, Lancer who would have been embarrassed about being humiliated by his son who was killed by his son while being humiliated by his son Ugh Anyway Lord Hunter Sir Albert Royce Sir Lynn Corbrey

And dozens of other men volunteer And we have a line of Tyrion found it disheartening To realize so many strangers were eager to kill him perhaps this had not been such a clever plan after all. He really doesn't know how it's going to go. He's doing all of his, like, you know, charisma, his, like, stat checks right now. He's like, this role. I don't know if we're going to make it with this role that I did.

And the pleasure of being champion for the veil, though, is going to go to Sir Vardis Egan, according to Liza. But Bartis doesn't want to kill Tyrion and says that this is shameful, not justice. And I do think it's like interesting. Like at least Varnas Egan was like, what the fuck? I'm not going to fight. I'm not going to fight the guy with dwarf. That's like fucked up. And there's no honor in that.

And I feel like we probably discussed this much more when we actually covered the trial back then during COVID. So I'm not going to like in Catlin's. No, I was like thinking back to like the timelines. Again, this show is getting way more meta every moment. But yeah, during the Catlin. chapter. So, like, you can go, I don't know, listen to that. And Tyrion is like, thank God. It's also kind of fucked, like, he's like was one of John's celebrated captains. He was captain of the guards, right? For John Aaron, uh, when he was Hand of the King, like,

this is mockery. It is. This is a mockery. It really is. Like, it's fucking like clown court right now. And Tyrion feels that too. And she does like she goes through with it like because of her pride. It's fucked up. And because she's so deep in the lie. Yeah. I think she just needs it to be over. Right. She needs it to be over. We need to have pinned it on

someone and then I'm Scott Free. You know? And she's like, oh, we fixed the problem. We got John Aaron's killer. We don't need to look for one anymore. Panic. Panic. Yeah. And I guess it helps with like the other stuff too with the brints. stuff. She's like, I'm going to just carry out my boyfriend's plans to kill my sister's

husband so he can date my sister instead. But she doesn't know all that. So confusing. So confusing. So confusing sometimes to be a girl. Girl, girl, girl. Tyrion is like, thank God someone said it, though, that like, it is kind of fucked up to fight me.

And then he's like, wait, you guys, I demand the champion. And as, because Liza has one, so I deserve one too. And he's like, my older brother, Jamie, is going to beat up your older brother. And Liza's like, no, I think you're going to face her artist on the morrow. So you better find a champion, motherfucker, basically. And they have a back and forth between Teryan and Liza. Singer, Tyrion said, turning to Marillion. When you make a ballad of this, be certain you tell them how Lady Aaron denied the dwarf,

the right to a champion and sent him forth, lame and bruised and hobbling, to face her finest night. I deny you nothing, Liza Aaron said. Her voice peaved and shrill with irritation. Name your champion, imp. If you think you can find a man to die for you. Shrill, okay, Amy. I know, I thought the exact same thing. I only think of Amy Bruchheimer every time someone says shrill. for a moment Tyrion looks around Justice for Amy Brookhiner

Tyrion looks around and he's like man this is very embarrassing nobody is volunteering and then Braun is like I will stand for the dwarf and that's how we end the chapter

interesting I want to re-roll he's like I have one more safety role yeah thank God also I love that Braun probably really knew from the beginning

He saw this guy with the big mouth. He's hanging out by his side a little bit on the road. Like, Braun knew this was going to happen. He's like, I'm going to have to fucking protect this guy. Kind of sweet, but also bittersweet because their relationship's kind of transactional later because Bron gets his foothold, you know, and moves up in society. But he cares about him. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to name you after my boss.

We didn't name this kid as the dad who stepped up after my boss, my first employer. And of course, there's something kind of fun. I noticed this time of the way they end it with Braun volunteering to risk his life for Tyrion. And then the next chapter is Ned 10. So if you can find a man to die for you. And then Ned dreams a dream of a time when men died for him, which is fun. Like a fun evil connection. Not again.

We're lay missing out. Yeah, we're so lay missing today. I love that girl. Every day, honestly, because Tyrion is on his own. Yeah, every day. Pretending Jamie's beside him. Pretending Jamie's beside me. Oh, one of my headside.

Okay. So I feel like, I don't know if I brought this up last time we did this, because I feel like I've held this belief a long time, but I'm going to remind you all because that was a long time ago, and I blocked out COVID. I have a theory. that Tyrion will be accused of like one more thing that he didn't do. But I don't know, he might have actually done it this time.

That could be like an interesting twist, right? And he's going to go on trial a third time. And like, I have nothing behind this other than that things happen in threes. And it's like really weird that it's happened to him twice. And he's probably going to have a third champion too. And I feel like I might have said that last time we did this trial. I don't know. Or like, yeah.

I feel like we've talked about it. bit throughout many seasons of GGC because it brings to mind kind of the child of three, three trials, three fires, like Amon's three trials that he tells John Snow about, and then Danny's three trials, and then Tyrion literally having three trials. And, you know, I usually wouldn't cite them, but I have some friends that have a similar theory, David and Dan, if you've heard of that. No, no, no, I do think it is related to that. I'm not going to lie.

I do think it is a little related to that. No, they had something right there. They did have something there. But also, I do literally think he's going to have a literal version of three trials. Like Danny's having the three, you know, child of three. And also, interesting to look at, like, his siblings, right? Jamie has a trial-ish with Catalan and another one coming up, actually, two of them. You could argue his killing Eries was a, he was put on trial-ish by Ned during that, not really, but, you know, something similar.

Cersi has several trials upcoming, countless, we don't know how many yet, at least one, if not two, a non-zero amount. And then also, I started to think a little more about Jamie and Catalan right the first time and the second time, dungeon sex. and, you know, undead sex, noose undead sex. That's what some people are into. Zombie noose sex. I don't know. That's what you're into.

It's a new kind of asphyxiation. Yeah. Ooh, I'm asphyxiated on it. But so, you know, in the last chapter, Catalan's very much like, I still don't trust your bitch-ass, Tyrion. But then I don't know whether she, she like doesn't trust him, she doesn't like him,

and that's fine. But in this chapter, I think she almost comes to respect him a human and not as a lannister a little bit like you start to see you be like okay well stop treating him like that like I have gotten him back alive and like he is a person and then you also kind of see in the way that she treats

Jamie and how like you really think she's going to do some crazy shit like oh my god is she going to get him is she going to whack him because like she should fuck him yeah oh right like who knows what happens but she gives Jamie some trust and maybe it's trust that Tyrion posthumously earned with her, right?

Where she realizes, oh, my sister are a little crazy. Got it. Okay. I got myself into something that maybe I don't want to be into. Yeah, agreed. I think she's like, oh, he's more sane than her. She's like, maybe not all Lannisters, just most Lannisters. Well, yeah, like hashtag not all Lannisters in the same way that she finds out.

hashtag not all Tullies are same. Yeah, but just like a lot of them, a lot. Yeah. And I mean, like, that would make me, that would make me question my judgment of people and be like, I don't know, what if like these guys are like not the worst when you realize like, wow, I really misjudge this person that I straight up grew up with and thought I knew really closely.

And then Ruth is like betrayal. Yeah. I just had a thought of like how the arc, I'm pretty sure, of like, Arya and Sansa, because I do think that they're going to, like, really bond when they meet each other is, like, opposite. It's the opposite of Liza and Catlins. That's it. I sure hope so. I really sure hope so.

That's one thing. Like, you can have Danny Sansa fight, whatever, you know, have tension there. But I don't know. Don't fuck with this one. Like, it's okay for them. have like history but you know the starks should come back together because i'm sick of it i'm sick of it personally of them not being together and happy you know i live in a world where the starks have not been together and happy in a very long time and i just think that this is a bad world that we're in

and maybe i just deserve it more than the average person so have you thought about that george r martin yeah have you thought about that george i'm begging you. Yeah, George. Your move. He has 45 more episodes, which is not

even 45 weeks. It's more than that. We have House of the Dragon. So that brings him up to at least 53 more weeks. Plus, and hopefully 9 of the 7 Kingdoms. Oh yeah, plus all the time

that we're going to probably take off. So that brings him up to like 653, 62, right? no yeah yeah 62 and then like we're gonna take time off so that brings him up to like at least 65 yeah he has like 80 total weeks that he could do it I think that if he did it he could do it so there's that yeah it could happen I'm rooting for you George I'm rooting for you I'm rooting for Tyrion today you know Tyrion writes this was a good chapter yeah a good chapter and next

is really fun actually. We get to like explore the veil on the ground with Tyrion, with Braun, meet the mountain clans up close, and Tyrion can wield a little more of his talking. We'll see he can perfect it hopefully a little better. Then we're heading to Tywin eventually, right? Yeah. I mean, I can see why Braun would be like, I bonded with this guy. I like literally made skin to sicken contact for a long time. I had to carry him. God. I mean, I'd feel like this was a person too, probably, after all that. Yeah. Or like his little best baby boy. I carry Jacob in a Liz Lemon way? Okay. I was like, let's go back to your Liz Lemon thing. Liz Lemon. It's an interesting idea. Baby crazy. You got to watch that

episode. I'm going to find it for you. He does have a baby. So maybe he is a little baby crazy. Like he becomes a dad who stepped up. Kind of. Also, he murders a little bit, but... Like, who hasn't done it a little? Okay, Liza. It is... This is in episode.

We're going to find out. Signor Macho Solo, the seventh episode of the third season. Season 3, episode 7. Signor Macho Solo is the episode, if you would like to watch it, y'all. Also the episode where Jenna Maroney is doing the Janice Joplin biographical film. So in the background, she's singing bad cover Janice Joplin songs with lyrics that would rival Eliana's lyrics. So highly recommend you check it out. It's got some Eliana lyrics going on.

Love 30 Rock. 30 Rock did not sponsor this episode. This is not an advertisement for 30 Rock. It's not an advertisement for the morning show. Absolutely not. Everything we say and do in these episodes should never be taken as an advertisement for the morning show. Thanks so much for listening. Oh, I thought you were going to say advertisements in general because it was like, it could be an advertisement if someone wanted it to be.

Spotted us. LaCroix, looking at you. Yeah. And we haven't talked about that in a while. Bringing it back. That's a bingo card right there. Yeah, well, if you want to keep up with our own ads of our own podcast, you can. What's on your bingo card?

What's in your wallet? Oh, my God. The Gold of Cats really rock. Well, you can find us on social media at Girls Gone Cannon. That's C-A-N-O-N-O-N over on Twitter or on Blue Sky. Yeah, you can find us online on a lot of platforms. If you're not already clicking follow on your favorite podcast platform where you want to listen to us, my friends over at Patreon are going to tell you their favorites.

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Goodbye.