Girls Gone Canon Cast - ASOIAF Episode 280 — AGOT Tyrion VIII

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

A chapter upon which the story turns, both overall with the Lannister-Stark warring and for the characters that enter Tyrion's story. He earns the loyalty of some while trying to buy different kinds of loyalty from others. Eliana's reddit account: https://www.reddit.com/user/glass_table_girl Eliana's blog: https://themanyfacedblog.wordpress.com/ Chloe's twitter: https://twitter.com/liesandarbor Chloe's blog: liesandarborgold.com Intro by Anton Langhage

Hello and welcome to Men Gone Cannon, Girls' God Canon, Episode 280, A Song of Ice and Fire. Tyrion ate a Game of Thrones. I'm one of your hosts, Chloe. And I'm another one of your hosts, Eliana. And honestly, I've been making this joke all the time. But again, Tyrion did eight in this episode. I'm proud of him. Well, no, for some things.

I thought that saying Men gone canon would be really kind of like dramatic irony funny for you, because moments before the podcast, I was like, let's try to act normal today. That was normal. There's nothing more normal than men. They're always. Rubin did not take the podcast like we wanted him to. Did you notice? He didn't.

We really try. You guys, we told him it was his podcast. We keep trying to give the podcast away. We told him, take it. It's yours. You can just buy IP like that, you know? Or get it for free. I've definitely.

seen industry, so I get that. Yeah, it's the same. We're doing this. It's Girls Gone Canon. I got lost there for a second. Oh, I said the title all sorts of wrong. Which is fine. No, I just got lost in my own thoughts. I feel like I had things

I wanted to say about how I do think I am, again, proud of Tyrion for some things in this chapter and not proud of him for some other things. But it's okay. Yeah. It's a big one. It's actually like a lot of set up for like his entire arc if you think about it in this chapter. Yes. It's absolutely laying so many seeds for what comes, especially like when you get to ASOS, when you get to dance. I mean, Clash also can't get my baby Clash.

Eight. He has such a rich. Clash eight. It did eight. No, he has such a rich tapestry of story. And this one has some really fundamental Tyrion shit going on. Like, oh, that's why you're like this. That's why you're like this. That's why you're like this firsthand. So also, I was like halfway through notes and I was like, damn, Tywin Lannister really makes it that easy to talk about what a bag of shitty is every single week. It's so great.

It's so fun for me. Logan Roy. It is. Oh, my gosh. We're going to get into that. We have housekeeping announcements. Oh, a lot. Wow.

Can we get a little excitement in the chat? These are big ones. Holy shit. I don't know. Housekeeping announcements. announcements. Who the fuck was that? Y'all, it's happening. The critically acclaimed hit podcast.

Primer series for House of the Dragon, House D is coming back, returning to your favorite streaming platform that you listen to Girls Gone Canaan slash men gone canon on. Unleash the D is back, baby. Season three, never been better. We are going to have three amazing guests. on that you'll find out about in the future. Yeah, and I'm excited to announce that I too will be a guest on this podcast for all three

episodes. I've been invited back to guests. I was such a good one last season, which actually was much longer ago than a while, like, than I thought. Yeah, like years ago, years ago. And I would actually, I'll promote you on this podcast, Eliana. I would say you're now a series regular. Whoa.

Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Maybe you'll get an executive producer credit by the end of the show if you like really hang on tight. But like if you're executive producer, I mean, actually, no, that's not true. People can be executive producer and on the show. It does happen.

Like Mindy Kayling. Yeah. Absolutely. No, Unleash the D is fun. It is something that started as a, you know, someone's traveling, got to record episodes for fun, kind of thing. And then it kind of, I don't know, it turned into something beautiful where we invite our good friends on that we don't always get to talk to and talk deeply and passionately about

Hot D and about what we're looking forward to in the season and what we loved about the last season and also really specific things, right? Like we've brought on a good friend, Megan D., Bertie D. costuming on for talking about the costuming. We've brought on a couple of other folks from the fandom and podcasts that. really wanted to talk about other different aspects, like different storytelling aspects, different parts of fire and blood they really loved. So I don't know.

I think it's like our ode. It's our beautiful swan song. It is, but not quite yet. Like, the series isn't done. Like, Hot D is not done yet. We're not done yet with Tyrion. So that's not what we mean by Swan Song. And yes, it started as a, Chloe kept this, she started this new podcast and show.

Unleashed the D. and graciously allowed me to come on once and yeah that's so true i'm so glad that you're speaking about that if you think about it that's actually not that's similar in some ways from our actual origin story yeah where you did have a podcast and then pointed me on i was a solo outdoor cat and then you you domesticated me oh my god i almost adopted a cat it was outside anyways i'm scared because you should adopt that because the coyotes in your fucking neighborhood, bro. I heard a coyote. It might belong to someone.

I couldn't tell. You need to find out. You can't let him live out there. I'm scared. Anyways, I heard noises at your house when I was there. I'm not coming back. Yeah. But I'm just kidding.

There are also noises coming to your streams every maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. You're going to find out. We're going to find out during House of the Dragon season. House music of the dragon. Oh my God. We will be covering House of the Dragon every single week when it is out. Season three, like Eliana alluded to, it could be Tuesdays, could be Wednesdays, that it comes out. We usually have pretty quick turdaround, but, you know, life, life, girl bossing.

For real, life. Just be girl boss in. Yeah. You know, and we only have 40 whatever, have we broken to the 30s yet? Thunderclapp. Of what? Light us up, let us know. Oh, how many we have.

I just have this one a couple weeks ago, but I think he's had 41 a couple weeks ago. So, I don't know, 39-ish. Jesus. I feel like it. It's so sad. But you know what? It's a perfect last arc to die to for now until we get T-W. Fuck.

It is because this Tyrion shit goes hard. And, hey, we're going to have that break for Hot D. Prepare for that. We'll take a few weeks off there, eight weeks off to do the D. Tyrion will come back We'll end a game of thrones Get into Probably a minisode

And into our Unleash the D episodes And then we'll move into Hot D And we'll be back with Clash Of Kings after that break For Tyrion We're not coming back with Clash until late summer Like also there's There's even

A Night of the Seven Kingdoms what next year also right Aren't they putting these out fast Yeah you might be stuck that's a little longer. Yeah, we gotta like take the holidays off. For all I, for all we know, I mean, Wins could drop it any time. It could happen. I still believe.

I still believe. I still believe. Um, so speaking of still believing and girl bossing, mocking Jay, part, act two on Patreon. Act 2A. Yeah, I was like, um, it's not part two. It's act two part A You know, see, it's not so easy

Is it, Eliana, it's not so fucking easy Week after week. Dude, I forget my own name. Like, I have forgotten my own, like, name more than once on the podcast. We'll be back this month for patrons and the stranger tier and above with Mocking J part 2A, act 2A,

whatever the fuck it's going to be. You'll find out, it's on Patreon. You can keep up there. we do get the episode titles mostly right so check it out online we have covered the series the hunger game series up to this point we hope to hit the prequels after and patrons will always get those episodes first at patreon dot com slash girls gone canon and if you want to join a higher tier than that we do have the thunder tier aliana what's up with the thunder tier what tell me all about it is up with a thunder tier so with a thunder tier so with a thunder tier you get access to our very fun Discord where we have fun in games as well as brunch slash happy hour brappy hour once a month and this month it is going to be on May 23rd that's Sunday it will probably be the last one before we enter the hot D season oh my god you guys like the first episode of House of the Dragon is on the summer solstice that kind of changes

many of my plans. Why did I propose to someone? We should do something on the summer solstice when I thought I wasn't going to be here. That was really an asshole move of me. Oh, my God. Wow. Well, 40 days to figure it out, Aliana.

Wow, just like Jesus in the desert. 40 days to figure it out. 40 weeks? 40 days? Oh, my God. 40 episodes? Wow. Are we Jesus? DeNaris in the desert?

Are we DeNaris in the desert? Wow. Well, we're not. We're tiering ourselves. We're shitting ourselves in battle. Yeah, we're shitting ourselves in battle. Here's what you missed between Tyrion 7 in a Game of Thrones and Tyrion 8 in a game of Thrones, starting with Sansa 5. Sonsa asks for mercy for her father while King Joffrey holds his very first court.

I see what she did here. Edard 15, Ned Stark does it for the children. Do it for the kids. Not his government name for a second there What was that? You said it Yeah well especially because I thought about it And called it out last episode

I was like whoa So I was like, oh no no no no no no I'm like friends with this man who's going to die Catalan 9 Another friend of mine that's going to die At the Twins Catalan negotiates their crossing John 8 another friend of ours that's going to die John has given a gift

And Amen reveals his back story, wind and words. It's like he's telling me that it's going to come out. Denari 7. Jury's out. Danny calls for one of their captives to tend to Drogo's wounds.

Oh no. No, no. No, no. Brogo's got his earpods in. No, he can't hear us. He can't hear us. And that brings us here to Tyrion 8, where Tyrion tries his hand at war, and his father gets fooled.

Like the way that you phrase this, tries his hand that word, makes it sound like the card game war. A classic. Yeah, because it is a game to him. Like, all of this is a game to him. Like, he shouldn't be out here volunteering. A Thrones. Of Thrones.

Wow. Like, he's out here and he's like, Daddy, I want my allowance and I'm going to dance for it. But he doesn't even know what he's doing. Yeah. He doesn't even know how they live. Yeah. Anyways, we opened the chapter with Tyrion dining with his father and his uncle at a long pine trestle table with the chief knights and lord bannerman looking over the king's road from a hill

Tyrion of course arrives late waddling saddle sore up the slope that sucks that sucks so bad from a long and tiring march he hoped to get quite drunk considering what awaits him tomorrow war it does suck a lot and i don't know again there's like parallels here with him thinking about being saddle sore and Denarius' arc in this book right now. And what's really great about the opening of this chapter is it really just sets the emotional tone for, again, how a lot of the decisions and connections that he makes in this chapter then unfold into the rest of his story. Like, he's embarrassed by the way that he's walking in and, like, his physicality, right?

And then he's immediately thinking about getting drunk with the way that he feels here. And clearly, like, what he's doing is he's trying to drown out the tiredness that he's feeling from those physical aches, as well as trying to numb the humiliation that he feels because no one ever wants to fucking make him feel welcome in his own family and these people who are supposed to be like his vassals. Yeah, like the embarrassment is that he has to show up late. Like his father knows that, you know, like he knows he needs extra time. He knows that he needs to take a little longer than other. other people. And I don't know. There's something really interesting in that strict parent, like, you know, like, oh, well,

you know better. So instead of nurturing you and teaching you, which he never did his entire life, not saying he needs to start now. It's not like Tyrion was going to get there. But like, you know, instead of nurturing, he like negatively reinforces that. And you can see the effects of his parenting, which is negative reinforcement very strongly. Yeah. Yeah.

He's like, maybe if you yell at it enough, like, it'll become better, right? Kick it. The fuck. Yeah. Well, Taiwan tried Tyrion for being late and offers him a role burying the dead as the fighting will be done by the time that Tyrion arrives to the battlefield, he says. And Tyrion jokes that, of course, you know, they could save him a couple of peasants. Not too many more. He wouldn't want to be greedy.

Not NRP, by the way. This is like, this is the way they speak. No real person involved. Oh, yes, yes. Sorry, well, yes. Jokingly, like, oh, come on, let me kill a few peasants, dad. Ha, ha, I'm so funny and clever. Like, we're making a mockery of it, but, like, we are killing peasants. Like, even though your problem is with one person, yes, you are killing thousands of people and burning their homes down to a cinder.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, comma, comma, comma, but this is also, like, it tells you who he is. It literally does. And I also love later the contrast when he, he goes back to his camps where his people are, his people that if he were a war commander, his people, he should have representatives that are able to come to that dinner with him. But he doesn't,

they are at their camp because that's where they're supposed to eat. And Braun is feeding his camp specifically fish that he caught for Padrick and Shay and Tyrion. He even feels like this pang of anger at his father. He thinks of the pig later, right? And he's like, oh. And so you almost see this. chapter, you were kind of talking about how it's a very important chapter in Tyrion's

arc, and it is, it lays that groundwork and all those bricks for, you know, the disillusionment from Taiwan. In his father's failure, that's what breaks it at the very end of this chapter. But Tyrion, you know, he's lived, yeah, he's like lived in this gilded cage constructed for him happy while others suffer, not purely happy, but still pretty happy, until suddenly he's tasting the life of what they have and he gets it. That's his first taste of war before he's even on the battlefield. And I think it's got a funny little way of doing that to you.

Like just this experience, this blooding that he has. Yeah, agreed. And honestly, like, man, I'd be pissed too if I felt like I had to give up the roasted suckling pig because everyone was being so mean. I love roasted pig. It's because I'm Filipino. Yeah. Anyways.

I have eaten Figures with you, can confirm. So there's also like this hypocrisy here where I'm like, Tywin, shut the fuck up about like being late to the battle. I'm like, if people like, that is literally your reputation in the rest of the kingdom, Tywin,

because everyone talks about how you waited out the entirety of Roberts Rebellion that decided to show up at the last second to betray Aries. And you were like, oh, no, we were always going to, we were always on your side. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

Preach it. Preach it from the mountaintops because shut up, Tywin, you absolute hypocritical bitch, every single time, all of it. And also, shut up.

Mostly is how I feel about him. But yeah, yes. But when I was reading through, my notes earlier, I caught that and I went, her mind. I just remember that. I was like, wasn't he late to that? Wasn't that the whole thing that everybody's madded him for? Better dressed Waldre Frey, like settle down.

Honestly. Well, and I guess more discreet. He just hits it. He's like a hit it and quit it. And like, at least Walter Frey has a decency to marry them, you know? He's a good Catholic man. I'm done. So,

Tyrion fills his wine cup while a serving man carves a pig, and then Taiwan recaps the recent moves. The Star Coast has moved south from the twins, and the phrase joined on, likely a day's march north away. Tyrion, however, has no appetite for war talk, and Taiwan says, well, your brother Jamie Wood,

and again, shut the fuck up. And Lord Lefford leans forward, stating that he hopes the Klansman have more of an appetite for battle than him, and Tyrion says they'll put the steel at excellent use, and we have a line here of, when he had told Lefford he needed arms and armor to equip the 300 men Ulf had fetched down out of the foothills, you would have thought he'd asked the man to turn his virgin daughters over to their pleasure. Leo Lefford is such a bitch, first of all.

It's kind of interesting that that generation, Taiwan's generation of West Berlin's men, maybe like because they were just like beta cucks to time. Oh my God. But like I'm just saying like they seem to be really just little bitches, right? We're leaning into the Manosphere lingo this episode. Oh my God. Have we accident? Oh no, we read scared.

God. Throw me up a building. But he is really kind of a bitch. Like he's very like hoity tooty touchy, like sensitive to everything around him. Yet he has all these strong opinions. He's like, I don't know, he's like slightly racist and he like is just a personality that when you read the page, he jumps off of it and you like absolutely know the type of person he is. And there's this aria chapter and clash. And he's like, Harin Hall's silly.

Like, this is not a ghost story. People are just so stupid. And then he sleeps with a candle next to his bed every day. Like he's just, again, like another layer of hypocrisy off the fucking time. an onion, right? He's just like, peel him away, and it's all these men in the Western ones like that. But of course, like, again, this leads into his distaste for the Klansman, his utter prejudice against them. He comments, he's like, oh, I saw Shaga earlier, the great hairy one. And I'm like, are you hairless, Lord Leo? Kevin's like, oh,

grow some hair. Exactly. Like, okay, grow some hair if you're so masculine. Like, exactly. It's very weird. They've, like, traded, they're, like, intimidated, right? Like, the clansmen know who they are. They're not performing for Westerosi men. Yeah. They're in it for good old clobber time, bro.

That's true. Like, they're not... It's clobberin time. They're actually, like, it's interesting, because they are, like, kind of wowed by some of the stuff as Terey's, like, I hope they're impressed, but they don't really... But...

They don't really feel... They're socially, actually, more advanced. They don't feel very insecure about their place at all. Like, they're just like, you want to come hang out? They're not, they're not coutowing to anyone else. It is actually very interesting. There's a lot and we'll kind of see some more of it,

but like there's a lot of this that really does make me think about Clash of Kings a lot when it comes to John's plot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin makes a comment. Kevin makes a comment. They thought to put, yeah, good job Kevin. Gordon, here's a who.

First point in the whole story for Kevin Lannister. Probably the last one. Kevin comments like, oh, we had a thought to put you and your clansmen in the vanguard. And Tyrion thinks, okay, well, Uncle Kevin has never thought something that Tywin didn't think first, so jot that down. Tyrion thinks either his father had a brand new respect for his abilities, or he was hoping this would get rid of him for good. And then Tyrion gloomily thinks he's like, I know which one it is. It is sad to be like, dad hopes I die. I don't know.

And that he, like, hoped and prayed to himself that it wasn't true so much he deludes himself into thinking it wasn't true till he finds out, oh, it was true. And then it happens again. Yeah, it's some weird, tough love, but not love at all. Yeah. He clearly, like, just dislikes his son. Yeah, like physical abuse and sexual abuse, which can be similar. And everything that he puts him through, like, all the abuse, all the abuse that Tywin Lannister puts his son to his son, and Lannister through.

Yeah. Pretty much is like some fucked up tough love masculinity error. Error code that is giving. Yeah. And like, I don't know. There's something about it that again, like, clearly, it's just very strange.

I think I need another chapter or two to like wrap my head around like how I think about this. And again, in regards to like tie with stuff, we've probably discussed it for. But anyways, we have this exchange. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. We have these, this exchange of, they seem ferocious enough, Sir Kevin said.

Ferocious? Tyrion realized he was echoing his uncle like a trained bird. His father watched him, judging him, weighing every word. I just feel bad because, like, Tyrion is like, he's only parroting every word because he's just like, fucking astounded at the things that he'd been said. I would do the same thing. I'd be like, Vanguard?

Ferocious? Then like, the fact that you're like not allowed to like even be your true and honest self. No wonder Tyrion doesn't expect anyone else in this chapter to ever be their true and honest selves with him. He's never, he's never gotten to have that except for like, I don't know, with John. Yeah. In fact, like even getting this role makes it so he can be less that. True. True, true, true.

Like he has to cover up even more. Like now he has higher expectations when he was already not meeting the previous ones. Yeah. Absolutely. He has failed his way to a promotion once more, is what I'm saying. And Tyrion then decides he's going to do what he thinks he's good at, which is talking and tells them a story of a moon brother, stabbing a stone crow for a sausage the night before. And that today three stone crows had seized that man and cut his throat open.

He explains the very rather thick politicking that's happening with the clans and why Braun was mediating between Shagga and Ulf and Khan today, and his father's like, when soldiers lack discipline the fault lies with their lord commander, Tyrion. It's kind of rude. And then we have this line here. His brother Jamie had always been able to make men follow him eagerly and die for him, if need be. Tyrion lacked that gift.

He bought loyalty with gold and compelled obedience with his name. Are we like thinking of the same Jamie Lanister? Yeah, it's interesting because Tyrion finds his brother very likable and I find him very unlikable. So strange. But that said, it's interesting that Tyrion is very self-aware. Yeah. And not unlike his brother. And not unlike Circe.

Like actually all three of them are very self-aware, believe it or not. But to like a faulting degree where they don't do anything with it. So Tyrion, we're going to talk a lot about his delusions because he's got a lot of them. But this is true. Like right now he does buy loyalty with gold and compels obedience with his name. Yeah. And it's good he sees that, but it's a stepping stone that he doesn't, it's a possibility of a path that he doesn't take the stepping stone on really too deeply.

In later books, he uses that self-criticism as something to wallow within. Right? He starts to lap at that pool of misery and let it surround him and drown him. And then it's crazy because later you see that because he believed in something and did follow it through and did actually kind of fight for the Klansmen and stick up for them, like, they follow him. They shout half man for him at his inspiring speech. Like, yeah, he did inspire some loyalty.

He was able to do something. And when Tywin dropped that line about soldiers that lack discipline, I mean, how would you exactly classify Gregor Clegane? A berserker, dude. He's a berserker. Like, he's a madman out there. He just does what he wants. But women's lives don't matter, though. Yeah, that's true. Or peasants. Yeah. I mean, like, no rights. Then again, like, then you could argue that it's exactly as everyone thought that Gregor was following the orders and murdering Elia in them. Yeah, when you put it that way. Yeah, wait a second. Anyway. But he isn't very good at following orders. except for the fact that Taiwan's orders are usually brutality.

I guess it's just weird for me because, like, this Jamie line as all, because I'm like, maybe this was true of Jamie. Maybe it's true of Jamie and his soldiers yet and younger, because, like, I feel like I've not heard anyone inspired to loyalty by Jamie Alainister during, like, the present day of these books. No, I'm being very serious. Like, no one seems to respect him as, like, the Kingslayer. So I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about?

But I do love you comparing To Circey in that Not only like maybe he lacks that gift But he's never been in a situation to like Be able to like inspire loyalty or have the opportunity to cultivate it same as Ceresy but as you said like Searcy Thinks that love and affection is transactional Same as Tyrion does for her

She thinks she buys it with sex Right And of the tension and also I mean also literally with gold and jewels and station right which is the same shit that Tyrion does. But we see here, right, as you said, with the speech, like, they do respect him. And that's also what we see at the Blackwater as well, right? People do respect and follow Tyrion. And I think it's something that ties him together with John and the Naderies and the unlikely

hosts that they have as well. Like, you know, for Jamie allegedly and even John, I guess, it's kind of easy to follow someone if they are taught to be confident they have it naturally because people always gave it to them because they fit that ideal right and they project strength and also they're trained how to fight so it's easy to be like yeah I guess I can follow the guy who was literally studied fighting and warfare but for danny and tyrian I think that there's something really commendable because neither of them were born into leader leadership and so when both of them like fight alongside you or are there in the trenches like with you in some way and clearly have something to risk Tyrion clearly has something to risk.

Like, that man's clearly at a disadvantage when it comes to fighting, right? And you contrast that with the way that Joffrey was pulled from the Blackwater, and they're all like, that was a mistake. And how Rob's out there fighting, you know? Like, that's why people respect Rob, because he's there. He's leading the charge. He's out there. Like, not saying that that's what makes a good leader, as we've discussed when it comes to Ragar. But still, like, you know.

Well, like, against Tywin, right? Because people only fight for him when they're terrified of what he will do to them if they don't. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. And like, it's easy. That's not loyalty. People do feel loyalty to Tyrion.

That's like extortion. Yeah. There's something to admire. And someone, he's an underdog. And George loves his underdogs. And also, like, arguably, like, I think that the stories that he's telling about, like, oh, well, this happened amongst the mountain clans. And this person's a valiant warrior in this way, et cetera.

Like, it really shows the same lesson that Ned taught to John and his children. You have to know your men. And Tyrion knows his men. Yeah, and he is paying his debt to them, right? True. That does feel serious. That he, you know, like, they straight up told him, like, what you're trying to give us, the bullshit you're giving us isn't enough.

You're going to pay your debt. And sure, they'll kill him in his sleep if he doesn't. But, like, he does choose to see it through. He does actually promote them to his father and promote their graces, even if he's kind of being manipulative of how he makes it, like, known. Like, oh, you know, dad, like, I'm sure you think my hairy freaks are. are going to die, but I'd like to put them there and, uh, you know, blah, blah, blah, the, the politicking part with him and his dad and like trying to leverage knowing how

his father is emotionally and how to manipulate him back, like traumatize him back. Um, I like that part too of this. Like, there is something to be said that Tyrion did stand for something end to end when it came to them. I think like what you're saying, like, that's the point. That's part of why they respected Tyrion and show him. because, you know, he joshes with them, but he didn't infantilize them. He was like, you're going to get the good steal, you're going to fight alongside us.

Like, you, he treated them with respect, which is not... He treated them as equals. Yeah. Well, he treated them as vassals, but respectable vassals. Yeah. And I was like, no one's equal to a... Okay, okay, that's fair. That's fair. But it's a, it's a, an emotion that Tyrion's rarely shown, as we see at the beginning

of this chapter. He's never shown respect. Or, like, people don't show him respect. Yeah. You know, it's very much like some of the lessons that John and him started to learn together, I think, too. In the beginning of the book. Yeah. Aw, they're learning.

It took one of them a decade longer, but they're learning. Listen, he's just a young man. We'll discuss his age. He's a young man. And, like, he's, like, basically the same age as, I don't know, if you were watching girls. me in HBO you know he's out here like singing I don't know he's doing that no Tyrion you would have loved Marnie rest in peace he would have wait did she die rest in peace Tyrion you would have loved girls

no rest in peace here I haven't finished girls I'm in the middle anyways I can't wait well it just takes some time no we in the middle we paused because I thought I was watching it together with someone. Everything will be just fine. She would do that too. Marnie would sing that. It was the joke I was trying to make from the beginning. I'm in the middle of the realm. If Tyrion's men can't obey his commands,

Tywin says perhaps they're not ready for the vanguard. Maybe they're better off guarding the luggage. Suck my cock. This pisses Tyrion off, of course, who tells him if he has no other command, he should offer him the vanguard. Really obsessed with Tywin's shitty good effective strategy.

First of all, he lets Kevin deliver the idea about the vanguard, despite it clearly being Tywin's idea in his mouth. And then he knows how to get under Tyrion's skin to get him to do something. So Tywin makes it sound too important for Tyrion to be able to accomplish.

He's like, you could never do it. You know, like, the equivalent of telling a guy, bet you won't. Try that sometime, if you haven't. Bet you won't do it. Oh, I bet you won't, though. I bet you won't. Yeah. It's fun. Try it. But it's great. Like that sets the whole scene the entire chapter of like,

Tywin is a great commander. Taiwan can control and mastermind and manipulate people into doing what he wants. Except, again, the end of the chapter comes and George is showing us that the wool has been pulled over his eyes. And in his hubris and his command, he slipped. He is not that great, thus unraveling Tyrion's again, and enchantment with his father, the great mythical hero figure in the armor, like, oh, my dad can do everything.

It starts to really unravel. Maybe he can't, Tyrion. Maybe he can't. And then that, like, unravels all of his psyche from childhood, and then we get to experience that until, like, where we are in the books now, which is caught up, almost. Yes. And, I don't know, the way.

that he can tell that Kevin's saying Tywin's words, Turing constantly, like, I guess, just trying to understand people's underlying emotions of why they're delivering things. I'm like, wow, he's like hypervigilant about how everyone's responding. I'm like, oh, that's probably like, I don't know,

some form of C-P-T-SD. So, which makes sense. That would be how someone in his situation feels. Like, that makes a lot of sense. Anyway. I know about that shit, my friend. I know about it.

Well, Tywin wasn't offering him command, by the way. Gregor was going to have command. Tyrion's like, oh, I've lost my appetite. It's kind of bratty, but he doesn't like the test. So he loses his appetite, takes his leave, and he knows that a gust of laughter is stirring behind him. Uh, the laughter. That sucks. Yeah, especially knowing how much Tywin thinks laughter is the worst.

Like, oh, disappointing daddy all over again, daddy. Tyrion gets lost in the miles of Lannister camp. We get a nice little walk up and down it. It's a great couple paragraphs of the scent of garlic sausage and a drunk man pursuing a woman who's wearing nothing but a cloak. Ahead, he watches two spearmen, two Lannister spearmen, practicing their thrust in Perry. No one looks at him.

No one speaks to him. Yeah. He's no one. He is no one, which is. Which is pretty interesting, right? And I walk alone, I walk alone, and gives, like, you an idea of why he and John got along so well. Like, the way that Tyrion leaves this dinner and his isolation mirrors that chapter where he met John. And I think it really shows that there's truth to what Tyrion was saying about understanding how John feels and the ostracization that they experience.

Because, like, honestly, this probably isn't the first time. that Tyrion's experienced something like this. We know it's probably not the first time John had experienced something like that too. So it's just like, yeah, no wonder they bonded. Absolutely. No, absolutely. There's so much John all throughout this chapter. And maybe it's just like leadership calling, right?

And like I think of John's chapter with the steward, right? Larry comes steward that we just talked about last week in the lighting round and how he didn't want that job. Everyone's like, you're being groomed for command. Like, Tyrion's being tested here. His father's testing him this entire chapter, but like, is the torture of his father even worth it? I do-K. He's being grim to, like, I don't know, die.

And in the words of a great artist, we were born to die. Anal Del Rey. I will say, like, I never considered until now, though, that they are supposed to be pretty good friends and they clearly have a good friendship. they don't think about each other that that much in their later chapters. I kind of like forget sometimes until like this read-through. I'm like, they were like... They probably do too, bro. John's just chilling in ice jail.

Like, John dies at the end. Yeah. Oh. Well, it's not the end yet. There's still the winds of winter. Unless that's not what happened to the shots. Anyways. Oh my God.

Barry the lead after that in less. I was like heartbroken. I'm like, no, don't say it. I still believe. Well, I thought I was talking about the book series that you love to reference. I'm like, I actually don't know. Does he actually die? I don't know.

Don't tell me. I don't know. Don't tell me. Actually, it's really good. You should read because there is him dying except not. Anyway. I knew it. I knew it.

It's undying there too. So I think you'd really like it. It's interesting. I actually have been meaning to reread on my cobo. my cobo that I got from Santa. Who's my husband? Whoa. Thanks Santa.

Plot twist. It's been Santa. Cliffsing Santa Claus. We have this very sad line from Tyrion. He was surrounded by men, sworn to House Lannister, a vast host 20,000 strong, and yet he was alone. Do you think we'll get a repeat of this someday in the books, like a similar line? Yeah. Some sort of similar.

event like this. I think so. I think so in like some extent. Or maybe you'll get like... In Danny's camp. Or maybe you'll get like a mirror of it, right? Like a reverse. Suddenly he's like accepted.

I'm like that'd be really interesting too. That'd be interesting. But he's like even more heinous than before. Yeah. He's such an ante that I'm like, Tyrion, knowing you, you'll probably be alone there too. That's probably why you're going to stir shit up. He follows the sound of,

Shaga's booming laughter, and he gets invited to sit with the Stonecrows and Khan, son of Korat. But he moves on after asking them to send for him when the ox is ready, which sounds fucking delicious. As he walks, Tyrion notices, each clan keeps separate cook fires. The Stone Crows, Moon Brothers, and Burnd Men do not eat together. Who will unite these clans? No, literally, like, who's going to do it? I'm going to laugh if it's drawn. I mean

Right. I don't think it would be Tyrion if it happened. But maybe through his wife's name or some shit, who knows? Before he, you know, I don't know. Will they die married? Who knows? No one knows. Interesting.

Back at his modest tent from Lefford's stores. Braun is drinking with the servants, Tywin sent Tyrion, a groom, a body servant, and a nervous young squire, Padrick Payne, cousins. to Ilyn. Aw. Tyrion notices fish bones in the fire from Trout, Braun caught, and bitterly thinks about the lavish feast his father enjoyed.

I'm like, oh, funny, it's trout, just like how Braun and Tyrion, like, outsmarted the Tullies and escaped them. Question mark, question mark. Oh, cute, cute. Yeah, I didn't think about that. Yes, but I think you're right. Like, it's all about that. But also, I guess, like, maybe it is just, like, the food that's here, which is why

that's their sigil, because it's there. I don't know. But it might be that too. Also, we get our introduction to Podrick Payne as being timid. I just realized that Tyrion bullying him and be like, do you have a tongue? Use it is a reference to Ilyn. And Tyrion thinks of Podrick as a joke. He's like, is this like a cruel joke being played on me?

But, you know, for all the talk, this chapter that we're saying of like Tyrion thinking that he's unable to inspire loyalty, I mean, Pod's like real loyal to him. Yeah. He's like, ride or die for you, Tyrion. Like, he's like talking about him when he shows up to Brienne. And he's like, he loves to be with Tyrion and he laughed to me. I love him. He is a ride or die.

He's so cute, so sweet, sweet boy. And a child. And a child. Absolutely. You will pay for your many crimes, David and Dan. Agreed. At the Haig. At the fucking Haig.

The Chloe Haig. I will try him and I will win. Oh, I thought you're saying the hanging. I was like, at like the hanging tree because we've been talking about that. I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? So we get introduced to Shay sitting among them. There's a slim, dark-haired girl, no older than 18.

Tyrion asks Braun if this is her and introduces himself as Tyrion Lannister, the imp. And the girl introduces herself as Shay. says, my mother named me Shea. Men call me often. And they all hoot at this. They're like, oh, ha, ha, ha, that's so funny. Coming to the tent so that we can call you. And Tyrion's like, well, the life of a soldier is not without compensation, is it?

Smile. Yeah. True at the pain of women and men everywhere. True. People everywhere. Is that the price we can pay, by the way? Like, people in servitude, the price for sending folks to war to steal resource. Like, are we okay with that?

We're all fundamentally okay with that. It's kind of fun because Tyrion is so delusional that he's like, I'm such a nice guy, a great guy compared to my family. And then, like, the next sentence, he's like, soldiers should get to fuck women to make up for us sending them to war, like, because women should pay some karmic vaginal sin-eater debt for them. It's amazing. He's just like his daddy, though.

He's stunned him like his daddy. I would say, you know, like, who has sex workers stoned in the street, naked, mistresses, not even sex workers, like, just people. But yeah, let's just, you know, you're just people. But, you know, let's have secret hidden passages so you can still have that sex. Rip Tywin Lannister, you would love pegging. I think he did. Like, I think that actually probably, I'm not even joking.

Like, I think that could be canon, but. Yeah, I do too. I also think, like, I don't know, like, that's. also obviously the theme, right, of like, I mean, the others is a great theme of that too. Like, you know, the enslavement of body as reward. Yeah. Or like of eating life for death as, you know, reward, reward in turn of like death or in turn of pain.

So very interesting. Right. A whole culture raised on it. Especially because like, I mean, at this moment, Tyrion, I'm like, you're not really a soldier yet, right? Like, you haven't. You're just a dude. You're there.

Like, this is your first time. And obviously, like, you've hired. sex workers before. So, I don't know. It's just very strange, the whole thing. Also very strange. Gonna call it out for a second of like, it's very strange that he's like, yeah, I want one that's like young.

And I'm like, this young, bro, like, no older than 18. I'm like, uh, for Shea. And like, that makes it like even worse. I'm like, why is she? You know, it's like sad that she's so skilled at this. this at that age. Like, she's got a good talk, right? And I'm like,

dang, that's really sad. But also... She's a survivor. You can read it from that. And like, that he says that she's experienced later. I'm like, okay, maybe you're not. Yeah. Also, because, like, also, like, not to get into it, but, like, you know, like, the body parts

are very soft and squishy and moist. And, you know, like, that can be a good home for the activity trying to happen. Like, sometimes that just makes it good and you're happy and you're good. Like, I don't know. Sex is sex. Yeah.

Yeah. And I mean, like, I'm just like, I don't know. It's just strange that she's like no older than 18, but I don't know. I assume George put it in there for shock value or something. But I also want to call it like Tyrion's age, like, because it's still bad, but also like, I don't know. He's much younger in the books than like. Like, we think he is.

And this is not me justifying it. This is me calling out a tweet from Bittersteel 196 on Twitter just because it fucking killed me of like, no in the books. He is the same age as Sabrina Carpenter. And that floored me. Like, I was like, oh, my God, Tyrion and Sabrina Carpenter, it is the same. They are both blonde. No, I could see it.

They're both short, throwing it out there. It's interesting because that also adds the layer to it when his father's like, you're marrying Sanzas Stark and he's like, she's four. Yeah, that's true. Like, I can't. Yeah. I guess it is kind of like, I mean, the very least, he's like, uh, for a second, even though he's like, oh, but I reacted. Ooh, I'm stirring.

I'm like, God damn it. Anyways, I don't know. Yeah. I don't want to think about that. So thank you. We'll get, we'll get there. dissect it when the time comes. We'll get there. I don't want to dissect his penis. Well, I mean, like, the whole thing where even like Shea's like playfully flirting of like,

oh, and like, but I'm a woman, she's a girl and all, I don't know, all this stuff. There's like a lot. There's a lot. Can't wait. It's gonna get toxic. It's not gonna be until way after August, though, because we're not picking back up with a cocktail after or in August. Yeah, exactly. Oh, we're going to be girls gone can to... No, Unleash the D. Sorry, that girl's gone to canon. Sorry. Anyway. After the day's march, Tyrion asked Braun to get him a woman.

Someone young, semi-washed, and warned of who he is and what to expect of him. Sad, also. Yeah. There's this line. There was a look the girls got in their eyes sometimes when they first beheld the lordling they'd been hired to pleasure, a look that Tyrion Lannister. a look that Tyrion Lannister did not ever care to see again. He decides, Bron did well this time. She asks if she should take her dress off, but he's like, in time, in time, are you a maiden?

And she's like, I could be. And he's like, okay, well, I want the truth. And she says that will cost you twice as much. Thankfully, Tyrion's generous, but he's also not just hungry for pussy. He's hungry for her brain, he says. He's like, share my tent, pour my wine. at my jokes, rub my legs, and maybe I'll keep you for a day, for a year, but either way, don't fuck anyone else, just me.

That's going to cost you like quadruple, Tyrion. First of all, second of all, you want a wife. He wants a wife. That's so true. Interesting. Sad also in a way because he's just reliving his traumatic moment from his youth of when he did have a wife. by paying these young girls.

Yeah. I guess that is kind of what he's doing. And that's probably why he hums seasons of my love later. Yes, exactly. Because he's trying to pretend to make the pain go away, bro. Wow. It's sad. It's sad.

So she takes off her gown. Yeah, it is actually sad. It's interesting. Actually, like it reminds me, it reminds you a little bit of what meathouse man yes no actually literally I was thinking the same thing like this is meathouse man right after like they have sex like the way that it's portrayed and the language in it is so meathouse man yep see now it all makes sense of why I was talking about all like the soft cushiony I wasn't sure what we were goingness I don't know now I'm thinking

about meathouse man yeah um honestly uh I think people only, I don't know. It was, it was a useful story. That's all, you know? Yeah. No, I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. I'm fascinated. Like, Dream Songs Part 1 is, I miss it.

Oh my God, I miss her. I know, same. I know. Same. I do miss doing our, like, George shorts, but like, we're in the Hunger Games now. We have time. Oh, my God. We're in the games now. We're going back to the games.

Yeah. We never left. So, yeah, she takes off her gown to kiss. I'm sorry, I'll do it. Shea's mouth is tasting of honey and clothes. I'm laughing because, like, I really just killed Chloe with my... With that joke. All I ever do is try to make her smile.

So finding the laces to undo Tyrion's little outfit. And off they come. They fuck. And he suspects that her whispers of passion are faked, but they're pretty well faked, so he's okay with it. he realizes it had been about a year since he last had sex even before he had set out for Winterfell with the king's company well that blew my mind yeah

first of all it's almost been a year-ish at this point of the story like almost a year what is pacing in the first book? I don't know I think it's been like probably nine months but still long-ass time yeah yeah enough for a baby how long it is a feast for crows like fucking a half a year at most and that's only because of the veil stuff I feel like

like I feel like somebody said it was like a half a year or something once and laid the timeline out and actually yeah but also like I don't think that the years really matter in the end and I think that's one of our like architectural fandom psychoses that were addicted to with timelines and I'm totally a person that has been there

where like everything has to have a year the story exists forever yeah I don't want to talk about the house-dain timeline Yeah, no, that was an era, again, a decade ago, an era. A different girl. That was a decade ago. Oh, my God. Kill the girl.

Let the boy be born. Let the man be born. Men God canon. So, Tyrion hasn't had sex in a year. And that's crazy because, also, I think of, like, the show he was introduced having sex. Yeah. Wait. It's very interesting, the persona he's giving off in TV versus the story.

He really isn't, I don't take him as somebody that is very, very promiscuous. Like, not as often as maybe the story is telling us, right? Like, I don't know. The show made him seem... He went a whole year. Yeah, like, he was just horny. The show made him seem much older and hornier, and really he was Sabrina Carpenter Age.

and much more chaste. Well, I don't know if he was chased. Well, not just that, but like when he was having sexual relations in the story and the book, like, every time we see him have them, they're actually, like, fucked up grapplings with his abuse in his childhood. Yeah. Like, that's pretty much every experience we actually witnessed with Tyrion. It's never really, it's not gratuitous, right? Like, it's very pointed of when he has sex and why he has sex.

So that's kind of interesting as we get into his sexual trauma. And I don't know. Also, he didn't really have a lot of time to be having that much sex in the last year because, you know, remember he went to that penal colony in the ice blocks and then he was captured on the way home. So I guess like sex maybe wasn't number one on his list for like a handful of months. To be fair. That's true.

But that's still crazy to me. Like it's been basically a year. Yeah. He's at a dry year. But it's like, I don't know. a lot of time. A lot of time passed. Like, he spent a lot of time then in Winterfell and at the wall and fucking locked up. And these are like the best years of his life, bro.

Honestly, they're around that time. Yeah, that's true. That's sad. 25, 26 was fun. He's like 27. Yeah. I actually really like 30s. If I was 30, I would say that.

I really liked 33, 34. I like the vibes. I don't like the things happening. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like, I think the vibes are great. I'm happier with myself than I've ever been.

I also hate everything. I think I would be happier at my like nearly seriously age if it weren't for the external conditions. Like there's a lot, as you said. And there's a lot of them. The external conditions are like the actual problem because like otherwise like I think I would feel a lot better. about like me and a lot of other things. But yeah. Yeah.

If it wasn't for like everything, awesome. Yeah. No, literally. It's like it's not like, it's not. Like look around you. For once it's not me. It's not my fault. Which is crazy for it.

It used to be when I was in my 20s, right? Like that's the thing. Like it used to be my fault. Yeah. No, it used to like come from inward. Wow. Well, Tyrion's still feeling it inward. There's also something interesting with Tyrion because of like,

like his growth here of what we're learning. Like, it's not necessarily inexperienced, but even the way he regards Shay that she is so experienced and that she's like more on his level of life than he even expected. Like she can quit with him. She's not like horrible to look at. She's rather good looking. Like she is experienced in bed and says the right things.

It's almost like he's inexperienced in intimacy is the bigger thing. Like that's what's missing. Like, that's really what this is. Like, he's paying for the intimacy. He's paying for a fake relationship. Like, if this was a comedy, like, it would be a total, like, we're pretend dating and I'm paying you. And we fall in love at the end. But, like, Tyrion, your life is not that.

You will not fall in love at the end. Not like this. And that's true. And, I mean, it's something that we noticed in his earlier chapters, too, right? He's an experience with all kinds of intimacy, even like friendship. And you can see why with the way it goes with him wandering this camp. And he thinks that he could die tomorrow or the day after with this battle and decides he'd rather die thinking about Shea and the softness of her breasts than battle. And rather than thinking about his past few experiences most recently, he's like, I'd rather think about Shea than like Tywin or Lady Catlin.

And I'm like, dang, I don't know. Lady Catlin could be fun. Anyways. But Shea... I mean, if you got to come, you got to come. That's true, right? Maybe that's more of a Jamie Lanister thing, though. So Shea is very much, though, like, you can see in the context of this chapter, she's fulfilling the same role for Tyrion that the drink that he was looking for earlier

when he's like, I need a drink was, right? She's that escapism. She's the distraction for him so that he doesn't have to, I don't know, feel that loneliness, feel so miserable, right? And she's introduced in contrast to that isolation. and yeah. Then as you said, he's like very much trying to recreate, like he's going to give himself a different ending somehow

from that traumatic event because he is singing, he's singing Seasons of My Love and she's like, what song are you singing? And he's like, oh, what, you know, in the old song, he doesn't say what it is. Don't worry about it. We know. We know. Yeah.

Which I will say to pointing that out, like it also makes it so like later you know what song Ragar played. Probably played Jenny's song. Oh, yeah. I was like, seasons of my love. Because you get the introduction to it and you get Aria and Storm and then you have, yeah, like, you know, you have the introduction to it and it's like, oh, that's the song. Probably. Also, we know who it's about, too.

But he plays it for Leanna because she's his Jenny. Jenny? I'm just thinking now of like Jenny from Black Pink. Oh, I'm just thinking Jenny from the block. Of like Jenny? I don't know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Believe it or not.

I'm up and up on my black pink You know Nice, nice Thank you So later he slips outside to pee And he finds brawn beneath a chestnut tree Sharpening his sword And he's like, where did you

Sorry I had to yawn Pardon me He's like Where did you find this girl Again She's clearly a survivor While Tyrion's clearly a rich boy Or maybe men are easy

But there's something interesting and not to make everyone think about big soft, swishy mommy milkers for a second, but we just had the Circe Ned scene, right? Where she kind of used her vulnerabilities and feminities as well with him. So there's something interesting going on with like sex and war and violence and lust and death and life and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is this thing on? But yeah. Yeah.

Something going on there. There's some themes happening in this book. The themes are theming. So true. They really are. that's the analysis. Themes are theming. That's what you have for me.

And, yeah, and then Ned's like, get the fuck away from me. You are not, this is not my beautiful wife. Turns out, though, Braun basically stole Shay from another knight using Tyrian's name, but also a dirk to threaten that man into giving her up. And Tyrion is not thrilled about that, especially considering he's like, oh, fuck, now I have to ride into the vanguard beside men. And like one of them might want me dead over a camp follower. But according to Braun, he's like, I don't know, all the good ones were already taken.

What did you want me to do? Fail? Glossing over like, you know, Shea being a commodity for sale for trade, comma. We get that great irony here, right, that Tyrion's like, oh, if I steal Shea, is that going to get me killed in battle by that guy? But no, it doesn't, but it will almost get you killed at court. Mm-hmm. that's true and also it's her that kind of condemns you

yeah yeah yeah like a reverse Trojan horse like oh the horse is imploded I don't know it's also because like you read this verbal contract

he made with Shane we'll get there more like next book but I'm like I don't know I feel like he didn't really keep up his end of the bargain you know he was like you're gonna you're gonna play my wife right

but also you're you're going to get a second job working in the kitchens, doing hard actual work. And the rules just keep changing. Right. And she's like, I don't sign up for that. It's not what she signed up for. No.

It's what America should be pretty upset about right now and testifying against their jobs, too, because how many times do you, like, turn around and you have a new role every day? Yeah. No, for real. For real. That's, yeah, good for Shay. Good for you, Shay. Yeah.

Start a union, girl. Also, all these bits about, um, about how. Braun took Shea from another man is very much giving Eagrit John in a clash of kings, right? Setting up like, especially talking about the clan culture here that they have going on, it's very much like stealing woman. He's stealing a woman. He's taking a woman. So, I don't know, we don't get bail of the barred till clash,

but I do think there's some of it that goes with the Raygar-Liana story and that George was already cooking. He was already cooking at this time. It's kind of interesting too because like It's not Whoever it is like doesn't actually like really hold it I think against Tyrion Like regarding the Shea stuff Like that never comes back

Whoever She was like taken from But being afraid about like someone on your side Come in to kill you does come in to play for him at the Blackwater So So I am like That's true. That's true wrong moment, Tyrion, and turns out it was just because someone hated that you breathed. Anyways.

Braun, though, I mean, like, again, there's a lot of things going on in regards to Tyrion's entire character development this chapter, like, Braun is Tyrion's hard man. He gives Tyrion a little bit more authenticity in terms of how he, like, jokes back with him. But he's very much juxtaposed against, like, Shea in this moment, right? Right. Like, we meet them both at similar times in the story, and they are comparable, especially when you look at how they both react to, like, everything when Tyrion's accused of regicide, right? Like, they serve similar purposes for Tyrion, both in terms of the narrative, but also they're both people who are just hired and provide company and a service.

Yeah, interesting. Again, friends, loved ones, you can just buy them. That's, I mean, like, he can't even seem to buy. like loved ones in his own family. So yeah, like, how else would you think that you do it in when you're raised like any of these lanester children? So sad. Yeah. Honestly. Not right. It ain't right. And James, every time I feel sympathy for him though, like he like just really yeah really biffs it. You know, he does. I think that's why he's like such a good character. Like used to be overrated for the wrong reasons and then was underrated. Yeah. For the wrong reasons. Yes. And now we're just here to. And now we're here.

We're here to rate him. Just right. What? Okay. So back in the tent, Shea is awake and she's waiting for him. And Tyrion's like, tell me about this night you were with before. And she calls the man small. And Tyrion's like, what was he?

Some kind of giant? Shea tells him, no, no, no. You are my giant of Lannister. And she climbs atop him again. Because yes, folks, he's that easy to figure out that fast. Yeah. He falls asleep, smiling, only to waken darkness to the sudden blare of warhorns. Oops, Starkboy has arrived early.

The trumpets blew again. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Knights vaulted onto snorting coursers, while men at arms buckled their sword belts as they ran. Love the personification of the horns. We get that a couple times. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. The next battle is whispering wood, right? So we get the whispering of the wolf.

And of course, it's all warm up for the red wedding for George, right? He's just getting his, he's getting his personification on. He's playing with some automatapia here and there. Like, George is getting ready. Yeah, it's a fun, it's a fun device here. Love to love that. And also Shee being like, I'm frightened and I'm like, yeah, I'd be fucking scared too. And then Tyrion wakes Padrick, while Braun informs them,

that the Stark boys stole on march on them during the night. Tyrion barks a tray to find his boots and clothes and by the time he's dressed, Padraig has laid out his mismatched borrowed armor because his proper armor that actually fits him is all the way back at home like a year ago. He's been gone so long. Anyways, I do think that this is like a really interesting detail though in regards to like as we talk about privilege in Tyrion's storyline and being able-bodied. Like there is like a, you know, general sort of armor.

that all the camps have, right, that, like, would fit the other men, but, like, not Tyrion's own armor, which was made for him. And because of that, it leaves him very vulnerable in combat, right? I mean, there isn't protection really thought of for the disabled here. Granted, I think most people would not think that Tyrion would be sent out to fight, too, because they'd be, like, that's a waste of resources in multiple ways. But in terms of, like... It's, you know, he's being told no one has his size. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they don't have his size in stock just ready for him because no one planned for him.

Makes him feel like he's not a person. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. I am, though, I also am keeping, like, Devils off. I'm like, I guess Tyrion didn't really plan for this either. He also was like, I did not wish to fight. So.

Yeah. But I think moreover, like anyone like him. And, you know, you look at, I mean, especially thinking of all the mismatched armor it brings to mind. actually in this chapter a few times the Hedge Knight with dunk walking between the aisles and the scent wafting up of the yummy sausages from the carts and no one talking to him and him being alone I'm not saying that Tyrion is some good knight

but you know the dented armor the mismatched armor this is how somebody sent to war of the peasants would live He's being somewhat kind of put through the ringer of, okay, this is how somebody actually goes to war, not just somebody in burnished beautiful armor that we're going to see from Taiwan in a few minutes. Yeah, that's a good point. He's being told, A, you don't belong. B, like, yeah, as you said, the peasants wouldn't necessarily have access to good armor,

but, like, Tyrion definitely doesn't. Like, he's going to be fucking vulnerable for all of this. But I guess he's, like, your own son. Quite lucky in a lot of ways. Not all of them. because his family sucks. Yeah. So.

Absolutely. In like bits and pieces of moments. Anyways, so before leaving, Tyrion tells Shay that if he dies, she should weep for him and she's like, how will you know? You'll be dead. And Tyrion insists that he would know and somehow like She believes him. He does tell Padrick in the morning, like get her home safely if it goes haywire,

which is the least he could do. So that's nice. You know, like good job doing the least. And also kind of fun for Padrick because Padrick decided he really, really wanted to do this NPC task later, and he waited for the quest to repopulate with a different character involved, and he does the opposite for Sansa Start, right? Like, he's like, okay, I'll retrieve and get Sansa home safely with Brienne. That's true.

So kind of cute. Kind of a cute, like, that's a character consistency. Yeah. Aw. Pod. Also, I don't know, this whole, like, I'll know if you cry for me, even if I'm dead, blah, blah. Like, it's not actually Lady Stonehurst.

hard-coded, but I want it to be. That's it. Yeah. It's very funny in the show when they do it, actually, like, I will say it's a really fun little bit when she's like, she like slumps over the pillow. I think about it actually every single morning when my husband leaves the house to go to his job and I stay at home most of the time. Sometimes I'm not at home, but most of the time these days with my fractured ankle, I stay at home and I stay snug in my bed and I think, how would I know you'd be dead. Honestly, like, their entire, like, thing. Like, it's pretty good in this, in the show, like, this introduction between, like, A, the chemistry's too good. What you said there, but also, like, this is the scene, right? I quote all the time of, like,

look at all the fun we're having. Does that not happen here? It's not in the books. I can't believe that George didn't put that in when David and Dan wrote it originally. I guess only 40 more episodes to do that one, huh? Lull. Gotta live it up while we can. That one's for you, Thunderclapp. Tyrion rides out as his servants tear down the tent behind him, and he wonders, will this be the last sunrise I ever see on the Reaping?

And whether Jamie ever thought about death before battle, boy, do I have some news for you. That boy thinks about death all the time. Yeah, that's true. Kristen Cole's season two monologue about death, Shakespearean monologue about death. That's Jamie Lannister. the warhorn sounds and the clansmen mount up and they're shouting rude jokes and curses. Some of them are definitely drunk.

And Tyrion rides with them as Tywin's army unfolds before him like an iron rose. Kevin commands from the center. Adam Marbrand the right cavalry and Tywin himself watches from reserve atop a hill, exactly where Tyrion notes his father always prefers to be observing the battle before committing forces where needed. Tyrion then spends, like, basically an entire paragraph admiring Tywin's armor, and it is kind of cool. I mean, so I do get that. Yeah. It is.

He's got some Riz, unfortunately. Cloth of gold cloak. Golden lionesses on his shoulders. Ruby-eyed lion atop his helm. Crimson steel polished bright as fire in the sunrise. Yeah. Seems unnecessary, though. It seems unnecessary.

It does seem. Well, and that's the thing. You don't wear beautiful ornate armor if you're going into battle. He watches from a top of hill and he doesn't wear the armor because, like you mentioned, ding, ding, ding. He doesn't show up to the battle on time. Yeah, that's true. He comes fashionably late, quite literally. And it's a good contrast to Tyrion's mismatched ugly armor, right?

And like the fate of this chapter, them being used as bait and his own self-perception, his father, the godfather, gleaming in the light. And Tyrion, the bastard, the imp. I'm sorry. The imp with his mismatched eyes and his mismatched hair and his mismatched armor. But also something we've talked about quite a bit during a Game of Thrones way back in the past is the beauty eye of the beholder thing, you know, that gleaming warlord Tywin is down bad at the end of this chapter. So maybe not all that glitters is gold.

Wow. Yeah. I've brought it round circle. Can you believe it? You did. Wow. Wow. Honestly, like, it is good.

It does feel really good to get to end the chapter, especially like on a reread and you know it's coming. Like, he-he-he-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You're going to seem so dumb, Tywin. You idiot. He just makes it so easy for me. Yeah. Also, okay, I don't know, this might be me reading too much into it, but the three lions with Ruby eyes and him be like, there are three lines.

It feels like Tywin trying to cosplay the Targaryens. Yeah, a little bit like Rhaegar's rubies. And also simultaneously with Circe's teardrop ruby dress. Oh, I was thinking like even like DeNaris's crown, which is inspired by, but not exactly like because we don't know what our mother's crown really looks like with three dragons, you know, and like the sigil. It's just giving, it's just giving wannabe Targaryen. Which is all they've ever been in the end here.

You know, the last like several decades has been that. Half of a of a fucking century has been them trying to displace the Targaryens. Well, one of them does accomplish being a Targaryen probably. Maybe. Possibly. We're talking about Tyrion. I mean, I do believe. I do believe kind of.

Because also like, who's going to tell me no, George? Okay. I don't think so. I think he's going to probably tell you like, could be yes. Like, he's going to tell you maybe. Could be. Keep reading. He's going to tell you maybe, but in a way that hints like, that leans towards yes, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, he's so coy like that, George. Coy boy. He's such a little flirt. Maybe. George, how do you feel about Tyrion Lancaster? I don't know, maybe. George, tell us your thoughts on Tyrion Lanister.

Stop it. So Tyrion remembers Rob Stark and Winterfell, boy with the sword in hand, and suddenly remembers the dire wolf snarling at him. And he wonders if Rob brought the wolves to war. I don't really like that thought. That was pretty scary for me. And Gregor Clegane gathers the van on the left flank, and Braun comments they should always follow a big man into the battle

because the big men make splendid targets and honestly hilarious. Real. Gregor orders Tyrion to take the far left and hold the river if you can. And Tyrion realizes they've basically been shoved into the worst and most expendable position possible. But Tyrion rallies in Mountain Clans anyway. he's telling them to stay near the river and hack off the cocks of anyone who dirties

their waters. The clans love this and begin chanting. Half man. Half man. Half men. Half men. Half men. Half men. Stop it. Oh my God. Okay, but like to his credit, he sometimes does give good talk. Not always, but sometimes when he doesn't let his mouth get away from him, he does give good talk. Here is part of it. Also, listen to talk.

by the mammals. I can't believe I haven't really brought this up specifically about you should listen to it. But, you know, I think I mentioned it actually last episode with Ice and Fire Connor recently, but you should definitely listen to talk by the animals because it's about Tyrion. And I'll quote the pre-chorus and the chorus, all the words that hurt you wear them now like armor. They will never harm or burden you again. I won't fight like a lion of the rock, but damn it, if I don't give you.

give good talk. And that's just it, you know? Like, it's got a point. Got a point. Yeah. It's Tyrion, baby. You just give good talk. And honestly, like, I don't know if it's like, this one of his best speeches, but I like

it. And the orders are clear. Yeah. He's good at being, like, straightforward. And I think that's part of why he inspires loyalty. Yeah. He's just, he's just like, this is what we're going to do. And I think, like, when you see someone that you're like, man, that guy could, like,

lose. Like, he could really lose. You got to admire it. Yeah, absolutely. Especially because I guess looking around, Tyrion realizes, oh, this flank is basically made up of sell swords, peasants, undisciplined free riders, half-trained boys, and mountain clans, and Braun quietly sums it up with crow food. Which, by the way, I think this is actually technically the first real time someone uses it as an idiom,

like in general conversation outside of the wall, maybe, in the whole story. Like, I think this is the first time, which is crazy. It is kind of interesting to think of it as like, and then it becomes the whole title of the fourth book. And I don't know, the way that Tyrion's, like, flank is described here, it makes me think of, like, this is basically who De Neres is left with at the end of the book. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

That's it. Okay. Yeah, that's all she has. Yeah. But that's not bad. Yeah, you can work with that. Yeah, and she does. Make it fierce.

Yeah, exactly. The Stark Army appears over the hills beneath Carstart, Kirwin, Glover, Frey, and Stark banners, but Rob himself and his little dog, too, nowhere to be seen. Tyrion's terrified as the warhorns continue to sound, and the Lannister archers unleashed volleys into the advancing Northmen. Gregor orders the charge, and Tyrion instantly loses control of the Klansmen. Chella and Shagga scream and surge ahead and the battle quickly devolved into chaos

horses impaled on spears, arrows falling on both sides men crushed in the mud Actually, Turing kind of holds his own pretty well Yeah considering everything He runs men down beneath his horse He hacks apart shields and he even watches his horse Bite a man in the face Before burying his own axe in his skull

And he gives him a casual little You die cute very cute me war cute cute wait is that is that how horses work like in battle actual question if you're terrian dude yeah I'm like are they like do you train them to like bite is that part of the is that a feature girl that is the Targaryen

side of him he has that mystical animal whispering quality you know he's the ghost whisper for animals so because like it does make sense if you're riding a dragon and they do a bite like that makes sense as part of the features but yeah Maybe he's skin-changing the horse. Whoa. It really comes back to, as our friend, Glides, has talked about Tyrek is a horse. That's what I'm saying.

It's a Lannister thing, a half-Lanister thing in this scenario. Wow. Okay. I was just going to say, we need to call Dr. M.D. Glytus and get him on for this. Well, Turing gets absolutely wrecked by a knight wielding a warning star who's all like, like, yielded. and his elbow explodes in pain. He's thrown from his horse, and again, the knight's like, Tyrion, they're to stir, surrender, blah, blah, blah.

And Tyrion, like, can't find it in him to give up. So instead he headbutts the horse in the stomach. Great job. It's honestly, like, makes these silly ornate horns. Like, for once, I'm like, okay, maybe it does make sense. Maybe it has use because he had a spike on it. And I think, like, this is part of the whole arc, right? You're talking about how Tyrion's been very sheltered.

He's finding out, like, wait. The entire narrative I've been told my whole life of how I'm like useless, shitty, and incapable of doing anything that Jamie does is not true because he survives this entire encounter all in his own. He's realizing he's not weak. Braun didn't protect him like he said he would, right? And also like even when he was heading into the veil, he kind of held his own. And it's very much nuts like being like, when you're afraid it's the only time you can be brave. But I totally did not say that line right. but it's okay because I've said it right many times on this podcast,

and you all already know it. They probably wouldn't have even known, honestly. Like, you shouldn't have said it. They probably would have just nodded along. It's because I'm giving you all the truth and not for double. Oh my God, not for double the cost. Crazy. Yeah, that's crazy.

Like, he has really held his own. And that truly is like, he's got to be exhausted. Yo, I'm not being tired already, and I didn't even do all this. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, yeah. Well, the horse collapses onto the knight, traps him beneath it, and somehow Tyrion survives underneath all that mess. Tyrion then forces the trap night to surrender to him instead, which is cute. Again, so cute. By the time Tyrion regains his footing, the battles mostly moved beyond him, and Kevin's forces are pushing the northerners back, while Tywin's reserve finally charges shattering the start.

lines. Tyrion reunites with Braun and searches for the Klansman afterward. Many are dead. Oh shit, that's what happened to them, right? Many are dead and Khan dies in Shaga's lap, which is very sad. I'm like actually broken up about it. Shaga himself is riddled with arrows, but somehow he's alive. Yeah, well, Chella proudly shows off all the ears that she collected. We love a girl with hobbies. And Timit is already looting corpses. We love a man with hobbies. We love a man with hobbies and roughly half the Klansmen survive. And yeah, as Chloe pointed out, maybe that's like why we haven't seen them much. But I do, they are going to come back in some capacity, I do believe.

Timit for president. I'm on his side. His good side. Side he can see. Tyrion confronts Taiwan after the battle and realizes the truth that, uh, Taiwan actually intentionally placed the weakest troops on the left, expecting them to break. and hoping that Rob would over-extend into the gap so Kevin and the reserve could trap him against the river. We get a breakdown, a post-war conference between Tyrion and his father that will get interrupted,

so we will close a chapter out with this. A feigned route is less convincing, his father said. And I am not inclined to trust my plans to a man who consorts with sell swords and savages. A pity, my savages ruined your dance, Tyrion pulled off his steel gauntlet and let it fall to the ground, wincing at the pain that stabbed up his arm. The stark boy proved more cautious than I expected for one of his years, Lord Tywin admitted. But a victory is a victory. You appear to be wounded. Tyrion's right arm was soaked with blood.

Good of you to notice, father! He said, through clenched teeth, Might I trouble you to send for your maesters, unless you relish the notion of having a one-armed dwarf for a son? An urgent shout of... Lord Tywin! Turned his father's head, before he could reply. Tywin Lannister rose to his feet as Sir Adam Marbrand leapt down off his courser. The horse was lathered and bleeding from the mouth. Sir Adam dropped to one knee, a rangy man with dark copper hair that fell to his shirt.

shoulders, armored in burnished bronze steel with the fiery tree of his house etched black on his breastplate. My leash! We've taken some of their commanders. Lord Kerwin, Sir Willis Manterly, Harry and Carrsark-forephrased, Lord Hornwood is dead, and I fear, Ruth Bolton has escaped us. And the boy? Lord Tywin asked.

Sir Adam hesitated. The Stark boy was not with them, my lord. They say he crossed at the twins with the great part of his horse. riding hard for River Run. A green boy, Tyrion remembered more like to be brave than wise. He would have laughed

if he hadn't hurt so much. Real. Seen. It's so, it is really satisfying. It's so satisfying. And I think part of what makes it so much more meaningful is because for all the

talk that Taiwan makes constantly, constantly, like, I, I don't experience this because I have no siblings. I have been compared to other kids before. Like, I think that's just like a universal experience, maybe a little. Maybe people have like nice functional parents sometimes. There are some ways my parents were good. But like, anyways, your parent constantly comparing you to like your sibling, I'm sure, like, is infuriating.

And that's all Taiwan does to Tyrion. And for something that Tyrion literally cannot help. And yet, and yet, it is Jamie. who ultimately falls in battle and gets captured. Not Tyrion, Tyrion. Tyrion wins all his shit, right? And also, while the fear of a one-armed dwarf, he's not a dwarf, but you are still going to get a one-armed son.

Oh, yes. Yeah, for all those comparisons, he should have maybe cared about what he had in front of him, right? Crazy, too, that, man, he's so, like, the one that got away. about his own son. It's so crazy. It's so weird. It's like really fucked up. It's like he's a total football dad also.

Yeah. Like you just know that he's a football dad. Like that's for real. Do you think? Is Sir Adam hot? I've been wondering this. I've been thinking it. I think Adam Marbrand might be hot.

It's possible. It's very possible. Just putting it out there. Yeah. I'm not saying no. I don't know why I'm so horny this episode. I'm sorry. I talked about Circe's mommy milkers and Adam Marbram being hot.

Like, I'm really sorry. You're being egalitarian. I will say that what you were saying about him being a football dad, I think is really interesting and might be. Maybe what George is channeling you know how he likes to root things in reality. Kind of makes me wonder, like, did George grow up around a lot of people like this? I don't know that his dad was. I feel like George would have told us if his dad was like that. I don't know.

But it's possible. But I feel like, I don't know. But he probably grew up with people who were like that. We all have. I mean, football was like, look, baseball is still America's great sport. But, like, I think of, you know, the 70s. There's such an effect on football being so culturally relevant. It was really more on the rise than it had, you know.

The 70s was like when it became super culturally relevant. High school teams were a big deal. Like, I mean, people treat them like, you know, like respectfully once you start getting there. So, yeah, I think, like, culturally for George growing up, football became very prominent. so I'm sure you saw this. Yeah. And there's also something really intense that Tywin's like, Taiwan is willing to sacrifice his son.

He's willing to sacrifice anything to get what he wants. He was like, I was going to have you guys be dummies and then we were going to press up against them, meaning we'd lose some of you. Like the unsaid thing, we were going to lose some of you, but I just hoped, you know, maybe it wouldn't be you or whatever. Again, it's giving some of you may die, but that's a price I'm willing to pay or a risk I'm willing to take. Oh my God.

I don't remember if that's that zap. Brandigan or not. But, yeah. I don't know. Football wasn't, culture wasn't as big for me in high school. Like, at my period. I remember for us, like, going to the games on Fridays was like, I mean, I wasn't in the groups that always went, but once in a while I'd go. It just, like, wasn't, I, maybe it was for other schools.

It just wasn't, I think, in our region or school, but I know it was in other, other regions. I've heard enough about it to be like, okay, this was like a real thing for many people. Well, and, like, the NFL and the NFL merge. in the 70s, which is also why I think it was so important. So, like... Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, it was a very crazy time. And I don't know.

It was intense. It was a big deal. So... I'm just like, I know that George is into football enough that this was absolutely part of his culture, you know? Mm-hmm. Well, and, like, before then, it was separated. You had two conferences.

You had, like, all 10 of the... AFL teams joining the NFL teams, I think. And that's when they formed the AFC, the American Football Conference. So, like, things were separate from them. There were, there's like, you can look online and see maps. I'm sure someone's done because they're serious. But the NFC has, like the lions and the bear, like the, more of the East Coast, the Eagles actually as well.

So my Eagles and Lions and then like, or, well, I guess that was central at one point because you have like central teams, you have East teams and then you have the teams but like that it was such an important time and sport history that I don't I wasn't there for so I feel like I can't tell you much about it something's unlocking in my memory because someone was explaining these things to me recently and I was like oh okay yeah like that there are as you said the separate like leagues because like they were explaining the draft to me and I was like what what about this or this and it's like no it doesn't work I'm like okay it's a whole thing it's a whole thing it's very ornate I'm so excited you're getting into the draft though that's like big I'm

not, but I like to think that I could be one day. I'm not blocking it out. Well, be careful what you wish for, because there's another draft coming and it's into Taiwan's War in the River. That's true. That is, that is true. I make jokes so I can grapple with real life, just like Tyrion. All right, cool. Well, what an episode, Tyrion ate in this one. He really did. That's what I'm saying. He did.

Well, he didn't actually, and he was bummed about it. I don't know. I'm saying like, it's giving I lived bitch, as you called out last episode. I lived bitch again. That's absolutely what happened in this one. I'm like, hell yeah. Hell yeah. I lived bitch.

Well, we lived bitch. We'll be back next week covering Tyrion 9 with you. Very excited. Excited for Hot D. excited for Unleash the D, excited for Tyrion. I wish Tyrion's chapters went forever because Tyrion is really fun. This is a fun time. Thanks for listening.

Yeah. Yeah. We're free now, maybe. I don't know. Anyways. Oh, my God. Well, thanks for listening to this episode. You can keep up with like our crazy schedule,

which is what it sounds like the summer is going to be, starting in May, on social media at Twitter.com slash girls gone canon. That's C-A-N-O-N-N or also on Blue Sky. And of course, you can send us an email or tweet of note. Yeah, we will definitely keep announcing our schedule as we get closer as we finish up this book. Make sure that you are subscribed to us on a streaming platform near you. Our friends and patrons will tell you where. You can catch Girls Gone Canon on any of the following streamers.

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It's a lot of fun, and you won't regret it. Yes, when I'm not listening to podcasts on Spotify, personally, I like to listen to them on Patreon. I think that's my favorite platform because you can get everything in one place. So patreon.com slash girls gone canon, C-A-N-O-N-N, as they said, we'd love to see you there where you can get bonus episodes and other perks as always i've been one of your hosts chloe and i have been another one of your hosts eliana see you next week as we get ready to unleash the d and then clash with kings wow wow she still got it still got it goodbye