Girls Gone Canon Cast - ASOIAF Episode 281 — AGOT Tyrion IX

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

A note from Chloe: She wants to acknowledge that she misremembered that the Tourney of Lannisport in 276 was both Cersei and Jaime being offered to Aerys, and she wants you to please feel free to throw rocks at her --- As we close out our very final A Game of Thrones chapter of the entire reread, Tyrion finally hears his father claim him. Eliana's reddit account: https://www.reddit.com/user/glass_table_girl Eliana's blog: https://themanyfacedblog.wordpress.com/ Chloe's twitter: https://twitter.com/liesandarbor Chloe's blog: liesandarborgold.com Intro by Anton Langhage

Hello and welcome to Girls Gone Canon reads, A Song of Ice and Fire, episode 281, Tyrion 9 in a Game of Thrones. I'm one of your hosts, Chloe. And I am another one of your host, Eliana. I did actually almost forget. I did actually get distracted. But we are here. I thought I'd keep it classic today. I decided I shouldn't be mixing it up so much, you know?

Keep it classic. It's a good thing you did because I was going to get lost. and we are here at our final, whoa, hold on, I was going to say our final Tyrion, a Game of Thrones chapter, and then I was like, like, it really hit me, and then I was like, our final, a game of Thrones chapter, just like of the podcast. That is kind of insane, and actually, ever since I started thinking of it that way, every lightning round I've written, I've been like, this isn't even that good, you know? Like, I'm just like, what am I doing? I'm just putting bullshit out. We're having an existential crisis. Back to the existential crisis, Doc. Oh, my God.

We actually added something to it, theoretically in a way, just now. Yeah, we'll tell you about that in just a moment. This is, as Eliana mentioned, the final Agat episode. Woo! Unless we do remixes, you just never know. So with that in mind, we will be back with a clash of kings after House of the Dragon airs. We will be doing weekly episodes for House of the Dragon. And that's not all.

We will also be doing three very special. That's right, the three heads of the dragon. Episodes for Unleash the D, the critically acclaimed series that critics are raving, has primed them for House of the Dragon every single season. They're not stopping yet. That's right. It's Unleash the D. It's Unleash the D.

We will be back with season three. Yes. Season three, three heads of the dragon for season three. We are booked. We're ready. Yes, we are, we have ascertained, we have identified and found them, those three heads, and... All right, y'all, drumroll, get ready for it. We, likely in this order, will be coming to you with gray of this gray area and dire wolf city.

And obsidian nights. our friend Manu of I guess there's that podcast where they're kind of like us but like not Oh my god, not the boys gone canon. The boys gone canon of not a cast podcast. Manu will be joining us as our second head of the dragon and then lastly the lovely

But definitely not leastly Yes, definitely not leash the lovely parallax Alex who as you will all remember helped us close out Catlin's life Catlin Stark's life

so Wow that's true To the river They returned with us And they will return back Via the river for Hot D season three And really

Unleash the D has been such a fun way to get Just like Good amount of time With our dear dear friends To talk about something we're passionate about Every episode has had some sort of passion for, you know, not just Hot D, but the Game of Thrones universe. And I don't know, it also kind of brought a lot of these dear friends together with us.

So not to get fucking sentimental about it, but it'll be a really good season. I can't wait to have them. And before that comes out, we will also be putting out a minisode. What will that minisode be about you would like to know? That will be out next week, Friday for the historians. that is the 29th of May, 2026. What the minisode will be about?

I can tell you what it's not about. It's not about inherent vice, which was gifted to me and then so cruelly pulled from my very hands by Eliana. I didn't pull it. I pulled it because I'm logical. The universe, the timing, the timing was just... Not right.

It was not right. It was not right. Instead, we will be telling you what's up, you know, what's going on? We're reading books. We're playing video games. We're watching movies. It's all happening all the time.

Oh, we can talk about the morning show, Chloe. I need to get caught up if we're going to do that. I don't actually know. I don't know where you are. I don't know like where I am in the morning show, but that will probably come up as a topic of conversation. Good. I can't wait. We're going to unhash it all.

We're going to unleash that. actually three ball. So get ready. That'll be hitting the public feeds like I said next week Friday. And you know, other than that, other than hot D, other than finishing this up, we're big chilling. It's a brappy hour time soon. May 23rd, which big apology to the masses. Yeah, if you're listening publicly when this episode came out, tomorrow is that brappy hour. And we did call it Sunday recently. It's not on a Sunday. It's definitely on a Saturday. we don't know what the calendar really is. It's kind of more of an idea.

So truly apologize and hope that you're able to attend if you're in the thunder, tier, or above. Indeed. So I'm sorry that I felt really confident delivering that date, but that's definitely interesting for the historians. I was just like time. And I'm really sorry that I believed her. I like straight up believed her ass.

too. She was very confident. I was like, Taiwan, you know, saying things that aren't true, but fully believing them to be a truth of the world and everyone believed me and my bad. It's like two truths and a lie, but like all of it is a lie. Yeah, and they didn't include the two truths. I mean, like, I guess that was just in the show, which makes sense.

George should have included it. He should have included it. He should have adapted it. And, of course, my favorite line of, look at all the fun we're having. But we're going to be having even more fun because while we are doing, you know, kind of like a little skim of what's the media we've been consuming with this minisode, we are still doing deeper dives.

That's not untrue. We are still doing deeper dives. For example, you still get our in-depth analysis of the Hunger Games this month, which honestly, like, it is very good. So, like, you should, you should listen to it. Like, I think... Yes.

I'm pretty proud of what we've been doing here. So, like, our whole mocking JSC has gone into this. And I think J-Law would be proud of me for saying that. Huh. The Katussi. Yeah. We're going to be covering, my gosh, chapters at two. So chapters 10.

all the way up to, oh my gosh, who knows, I think probably 14, 15. So if you want to get caught up, get caught up, read Mockingjay, come back, we talk about the entire book, spend a really fun time. And that's for patrons again in the stranger tier and above. So $5 and up, you would get access to every single Hunger Games episode that we've done. Indeed, indeed. We'll see you all for Hot D. This is your last tierie until then.

This is your last at Game of Thrones book until forever. Or like a last game of Thrones chapter. I mean, it could happen. Like what? Like we do, I don't know, a reunion tour. Bands love doing that. Love that shit. I'm telling you, it's like, you know, it got remixed, Ned.

It got remixed. Oh my God, it's like. Tyrion, you know, like one off. Like, I see it. I see the structure, the vision. I see it. It's like the 2002 remix. album reanimation by Lincoln Park that remixes hybrid theory.

Okay. That's kind of like that. Well, we are going to maybe, no, I'm not saying we are going to, but that's something we could be talked into in a few years. Huh. Not immediately. There are only so many PTA movies, you know? Well, we have a whole dock of other things.

We have high school musical. There's three high school musical movies, maybe four. I don't actually know. And then the TV series, which has at least two seasons. No, it really could. Well, until then, we're going to jump into some emails and tweets of note. This was fun. There was a meme posted in our Discord server by our dear friend C-Star.

C-Star posted this meme from our Dark Wings, Dark Words, where these users are interacting about Tywin Lannister and the first one, boss user too, says, is Tywin more of a honk shoe or a honk me, me, me, kind of guy? And the next user,

Way of the Red Panda, says, think he switches between honk, gods, I hate the disabled shoe and honk, war, cry my me, me, me, me, mees. So I hope you all enjoyed this reading of this screenshot of a meme because it was really good. It really had me going today.

I was losing it. This is really... More crimes. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Chloe targeted content because you love... I don't know, you, A, not... Besides the part where we hate Taiwan, you love making honkshoe, honkshoe, like, jokes.

You love saying it. You love it. So I do. Honshoo, honkshush, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I do that at my cats all the time, because my cats speak honks, me, me, me, me, me, me. My cats are honks, me, me, me, me, meers, for sure. For sure.

Halks, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, no, absolutely. You know? Yeah, they do commit more crimes. All the time. We've gotten a couple of messages from our friend Thunderclap, who's counting down the days until we die. And... Thunderclapp says,

Where should Ty would have fostered his children to give them the qualities that they lack? The afterlife? No, I'm sorry. I've brought you into this world I can take you out Oh, that is, he is the ultimate that That is actually a really fun

Thunderclaps on us some good ones We got one from Warren coming up They're all really some thinkers I don't know I think Circe Circe could have used like Some good hard work Yeah

You know That's true I can't think of where that like would have worked out for her Where they, I mean, okay Bear Island could have been interesting. She gets... She could have learned to channel her rage.

Yeah, like she gets like Regina George, do you know? She learns to go into field hockey or something. Yeah, literally. And I actually think that would be great because we see, like, you don't need to be a warrior necessarily, but like a martial education would really have benefit her, especially one in a female environment. Yeah.

And like, you know, it's a place where a woman was allowed to inherit and whatnot. I think that's my answer for Ceresy, Bear Island. Yeah, there, Dorn would be too empowering, maybe. Well, you said she had to do some work, which is why I rolled out Dorn. Yeah, because Dorn would be like it could make her worse.

Yeah, I've seen, I've seen Arianne's lifestyle, and I'm like, and she's the same. She's kind of very much, as we've discussed, in the past in those chapters, they are very similar foils. They are foils to one another. Yeah. I think Jamie could have used

like, okay, hear me out. Not saying he should go to the veil, but somewhere like how Robert and Ned went to the veil and had a very good balance with one another, that one, you know, balanced the other out a little bit and vice versa in some aspects. So thinking that, you know, especially because we'll talk about it today,

like he squired at Craig Hall and I think that wasn't far enough out of his shell. I think the Stormlands would be good for him, maybe, or even like, even somewhere, somewhere in, like, the Crownlands to kind of show him some loyalty to the Crownlands. I think. I don't know. I do think it's kind of interesting, like, because the squiring is kind of a wardship in a way. Yeah, it's a wardship.

So he essentially kind of did that. I'm like, I like the idea of the veil, because then, but then John Aaron is like, what? The daddy who stepped up for three kids. Yeah, that's true. It's too much to put on one man. You know, we have to give him a little respect. I think it could have been actually, like, very fun for everyone there. Like, I think it could have been really fun for Jamie to, like, hang out with Robert and Ned,

and maybe Robert's influence would have rubbed off on Jamie at little, which could have actually been good for him if you learn to fuck a woman. like any woman who's not your sister, because that's the only woman he's ever fucked. So, like, that could have actually been really good for him. The blackfish would have been great, too, in some aspects to, like, ward him or have him squire for him. But I don't know, he squires for Arthur Dane eventually, right?

Like, that's who knights him. Like, you can squire for all these great men and still turn out to be Jamie Lannister. I mean, for me, I think I'm just thinking of, like, what gets him to stop fucking, his sister and like the Riverlands I do think could have worked out

like it could have been interesting in terms of like Liza and he could have been betrothed right and I think that would have actually been like that that would have worked out great for Taiwin like I think he was one of the people orchestrating that and then I think that would have been really good for Liza

and probably good for Jamie. So I think like in terms of people you're surrounded by, that could help. Yeah, absolutely. And then what about Tyrion? I think the reach. I think the reach is a perfect place

with good educational support. You know, go study at Citadel, study across, you know, go to the university. So like the high towers or something would have been maybe a good place. Yeah, probably staying with the high towers and have full access to all the libraries of the city. I think that's great.

It's just kind of hard because, like, and I mean this, obviously, with no offense to Tyrion, who's not a real person, but would Tywin suggesting Tyrion be a ward to anyone be perceived as, like, an insult? By them? Yeah. By the receiving family. I mean, I mean, I don't know. It could be, but also, like, you know what happens when you perceive an insult from Tywin's. He murders your whole family. That's true.

But, yeah, so I'm just thinking that. But if it's post-Jamey joining the Kingsguard, then it's less of an insult. And they have enough of an age gap that it could have maybe happened. I don't know. It could have worked out. Like, I mean, Tyrion's just so much younger than Jamie that he could have still been warded, I guess, at an age that people would be like, I guess, yeah. I think we're being too logical

this one. I think it's for fun. Oh, my bad. I think this is a fun question, Eliotta. Look at all the fun we're having. Like, this is a what if scenario, like a for fun. Okay, how about, yeah, yeah. I like your high tower, or not high, well, it's essentially high tower.

I like your old town idea. He belongs to the streets of Old Town, bro. He belongs to the streets. He's for the streets. He's for the streets. I mean, I think he would agree with that, to be honest. No. Okay, also from Thunderclip.

We know Jason Malister is peak Zaddy. With the in-depth description we get of Tywin Lannister, where does he rank? Okay. Oh. My controversial opinion is that, like, I think he's portrayed very hot in that one, like, fantasy, whatever game, card game. What is that, what is that called? The Game of... Fantasy Flight.

Yeah, the Fantasy Flight card games. Yeah. Like that image of him, honestly, pretty hot. Yeah. I get that. I also think it's like Charles dance bias a lot of it. Because when they describe him like, yeah, like, first of all, old man in good shape, like an old man skin is something special.

I don't know. There's something about, like, ooh, I like these little wrinkles. So, like, he already has that. But the facial hair and the, like, the hair being not there and the facial hair, not really it for me. I don't know. it's not for me. The Charles' dance, interestingly, doesn't like, I think, appeal to me in the same way as, like I said,

the fantasy flight card game illustration, which... That's very interesting. I know. But Jason Nalster, we haven't really seen portrayed that much in many things. All I know is that Kat thinks he's very hot, and I believe her. Hot. I believe her. That's it.

I know he's hot. I believe her. I know it's big. I know it's fucking big. Yeah. I know how it's got to be big. So. We don't know.

There's that. There's, um, yeah, we've discussed other characters who are. Definitely not near there. He's definitely not at the top. Like, if we needed to build a scale, I'd say, like, he doesn't, he doesn't push past six or seven, like, at most. Yeah, definitely not. Who are other characters that, like, you and I have discussed? I'm trying to remember, like, Black Tide or whatever that.

Yeah, Baylor Black Tide. I mean, like, also there's different levels, right? Like, if we're just going for Zaddy, we really have to, like, think about it. We'll come back to you on that scale. But definitely, like, a six or a seven. Like, not... I mean, like, I respect him for what he is. He does have some Zaddy qualities and traits about him, but he's nowhere near Jason

Malister in my book. Yeah. Jason Malchers, like, 9 to 10, like top percentile. He's got, like, social proof going for him, all right? All I know is he was recommended by Katlin. When people talk about Taiwan, they don't talk about him in that manner. Okay, that's what I'm saying. They don't.

And that's, they don't. And like, yeah, okay, again, Baylor Black Tide, yes, that is. Yeah, hot. He's in the top. Totally hot. In the top. Um, I don't know. I haven't really thought about my rankings that much.

I mean, he's also not a, is he a daddy? I'm like, I don't know. He's dead. He's dead. He looks like. No, isn't? Well, yeah, he is. Um, and his own father also died.

I don't know. Yeah, interesting. I wonder what his dad looked like. Anyways, we'll think about it. We'll think about it. Yeah. Taiwan's like not close. He's okay, he's mid-ish.

He's not close to Jason. Mid-up. Yeah, yeah. Okay, this one from Warren, I really liked. Yes, this one from Warren says, How old was Tyrion when Circe allegedly, allegedly in italics, threw Milara down that well. Was he even alive?

Was Jamie aware? It seems a pretty big incident for him not to have a sniff of it. He never speaks or thinks of it. And finally, in the context of what we see with Ned, and how he tries to hide John's parentage, dare we tip our hat to Taiwan for how he has managed to completely bury or drown in this case, this incident. Whoa, which is like his specialty that's so crazy,

matching with Papa, drowning my friend, just like Papa would do. Right? Like the rain weeping over the halls. Oh, I was thinking... Circe was like... I'm a baby lion. I was thinking of... Kendall Roy.

Oh, no, no. I'm talking about how like Tywin drowned his enemies and then Circe was like, I'm going to drown this bitch. Oh, yes, that's right. That did happen. She did take after Papa. She did. I love this email. Love it because it's like something I don't think

I've ever thought about in my entire life. Especially because like, I don't know. Was Jamie aware? Jamie's a little bit of a dreamer and he had a busy weekend that weekend. So like just a reminder of where we are during all of this, this is Prince Vassaris's birth tourney and this is 276 AC and Circe was 10, so Tyrion would have been three at this time. This is also when Jamie got rejected as Rhaegar's squire by Aries, doing that resentment with Tywin and Ares. And it's also two years before Cersie gets offered as

Raygar's bride and also rejected, just to set the stage of where we are. So in Jamie history, when Jamie hits 11, Tywin sends him out to Squire for Lord Sumner Crake Hall with Merritt Frey. And I never really thought of the idea of like Tywin covering it up, but sending Jamie immediately after the tourney to Squire and then to the marriage market with all Eliza stuff and, you know, him looking at other potential matches, splitting them up further does feel kind of in rhythm with the story, right? Of like, oh, this is what Joanna wanted

to do to split them up. Oh, Jesus, splitting them up. But I don't know, again, like, this was a busy weekend that all of this happened during, so maybe a lot of it did go unsaid, but yeah, speaking of Logan Roy, maybe he did cover this little murder up.

Because I'm sure people always said, what happened to that Malara Hetherspoon girl? I mean, I don't know. I kind of like think that There's so many perils in life in general. Like, was it that did he have to cover it up? Or was it like actually pretty easy and seriously just did it all on her own. Right.

Or like no one would even know. It seems like, yeah, like, no one's got GPS. Yeah, no one's going to know. She's just like, oh my God, where's my friend Malara? She just goes out there and says, oh my God. Has anyone seen Malara in a while? No, literally, though. I do kind of think that.

And that's why I think it weighs so much heavier on her now, too, right? Because she is the only one that knows because she also talks about so often how she could never speak of that prophecy to anyone. But it's not even just the prophecy. It's her killing Malara she can't speak to. Like that day is filled with nothing but trauma. That she caused. But yes. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can still have trauma from killing someone. Okay, Eliana, let's not be anti-murderer on a podcast. You really can. You really can. That's true. She was fighting for her. life, just like Brienne. The first time Brienne killed someone, it's the same.

Yeah. It's not the same. It is the same. Yeah. This all does make it that much more tragic and faded their love, Jamie and Circey, right? Not to go to incest on it, but like, that's a beautiful way to add in some ways. I never considered this, Warren. She killed for him.

She killed for that love. She's like, I can't believe she's creeping on my man that I have not yet seduced. But. I mean, she's. kind of had, you know, like owned since birth. How? Okay. So I think like... No. 276 was, yeah, was Tyrion alive, I guess.

Yes. He was three. Yeah, he would have been alive. Yes. Objectively, yes. But he's too young to really know that she killed someone. Yeah, he's too young to be like murder. What? I mean, he doesn't even know she tried to kill him. That would be sick. That's so... That's so the shining of him. and okay

I think I think she just she just got away with it Wow Getting away with murder Good for her Good for her You know

Some characters should get away with it If you're going to murder in fiction A couple of you got to get through The other side, you know? For now I just yeah I mean it seems like murder was just like A lot easier to get away with back then

It's like you're For those days Frank All right amazing mail. Thank you for the fan mail, y'all. It was wonderful. You can send us some more at Girls Gone Cannon at gmail.com. Leave a comment on Spotify. Make sure you're subscribed there of your Spotify user. We don't have anything new this week necessarily to share a couple good ones from our friend Derek who's going through a re-listen. We'll share them in the future. But nothing else new. So hit us up, pod bean it up, email. We're here. We're here for 30 whatever

episodes. All right, well, here is what you missed between Tyrion 8 and Tyrion 9 in a Game of Thrones, starting with Catalan 10, where Catalan waits while her son achieves a bittersweet victory. Then Denari's 8, she does not eat as much in this one as we discussed last POV. Denieres tries to save Caldrogo. Aria 5. On the streets of Kings Landing, Arya is unable to reach her father. Brand 7 Bran and Ricken dream their father's death

Mastral Loon tells them an old story and a raven confirms their dreams Sanzo 6 The depth of Sanzo's imprisonment Is definitely beginning To be felt That brings us here to this Final lightning round

Game of Thrones Oh no This is the last time we're going to do A Game of Thrones chapter Lightning Round because we're not really gonna, I mean, like, we might. We probably will actually do the other ones on the other side for a clash of kings. So maybe it's not true. I don't know, but Denarius 9.

The cost of blood magic is too high. Denarius says goodbye to Drogo. And that brings us to Tyrion 9, where Tywin reveals he was testing Tyrion, just like he's been doing for the last 20 whatever years of his life. And he won. Now Tyrion gets the esteemed position of Handjob. Does he even, I guess we'll get there. I don't even know if he uses the term hand yet at the end.

He's just like, you're going to go there and go do shit. Yeah, exactly. The chapter opens. Oh, this is, yeah, I get it. It's a beautiful opening to the end, full circle. And when it's, that George, I see you, George. They have my son, you are my son. Wow.

It opens with, they have my son. Tywin Lannister said. They do, my lord, the messenger's voice was doled by exhaustion. On the breast of his torn surcoat, the brindled boar of Cracall was half obscured by dried blood. One of your sons, Tyrion thought. He took a sip of wine and said not a word, thinking of Jamie. When he lifted his arm, pain shot through his elbow, reminding him of his own brief taste of battle. He loved his brother, but he would not have wanted to be with him in the whispering wood

for all the gold and castorly rock. Wow. Very balanced thoughts to open from Tyrion. Tywin really in this chapter, you can see he's a little off his rocker in game, right? Like he very much, he doesn't see reason with his son gone. He's not participating in life. He's like one-track-minded, very interesting,

that the lords are like blathering all around him and people keep talking, but Tywin stands still and then he takes action. And I do love that like this chapter comes sort of as a fast follow to that previous deteriorate chapter where Tom was like, well, Jamie would never be taken and I'm like, never say never. All he does is get taken, bitch. Yeah. It's his favorite.

It's his favorite thing. Remember when he was a hostage in King's Landing that one time? He loves it. It's his kink. And I don't even think I'm joking. I don't either. I don't either. He's just, it's just crumbling.

right now. And honestly, like, it kind of makes me think that, like, a Taiwan P.O.V would be kind of interesting of him being like, what the fuck? All these things are falling up. It's kind of like Catlin-esque and being like, the society that I thought existed no longer exist. But I do think that, like, in tone, I do think that a Taiwan P.O.V would actually be pretty similar to a CERCIP. Yeah, I think it would be disappointing in a lot of ways because of that. Whereas, like, for Circe. It was kind of more of a surprise layer to really get underneath and see what it all means. But for Tywin, I think, and I'm not saying you should be like impressed by Tywin, but his stature, the character he is, like, there's more being given to us in that we don't actually know

how he really truly feels. You know, it kind of plays at both ends. Like you can imagine, does he care? Does he not care about Tyrion? His love for Jamie is clear. You know, you can see through him already so you don't need to see through him with a POV because it might ruin it. Yeah, I mean, like, again, like, I do think it's kind of like Ceres because, like, I don't know if his love for Jamie is that clear

so much as he loved what Jamie represented in the way that Ceres loves what Joffrey represents, right? Or what Jamie represents to her too. That's true. I think, like, they approach their relationships very similarly. And so, I'm like, it's just that CIRCES is. more interesting in that hers, as we've discussed, like she doesn't have access to be able to do things by virtue of being a woman. And I will say like with Tyrion, you know, when you read this line aloud and made me think that it was interesting that he would not have wanted to be with Jamie and the whispering wood for all the golden castorly rock.

But what if there is a price? Like, Tyrion, would you have wanted to be there with Jamie if it meant that you were someone who was able-bodied? I don't know. Yeah. I think a lot of like John and Rob right in the yard shouting back and forth, I'm Darren the young, I'm Prince Amin, the

Dragon Night, you know. Yeah. Could that have been you? Is that like is that a level okay, stay with me. You know how like violence and also sport and play is so inherently something built into masculinity in a lot of

ways? Just in some of their culture. some of the culture of the common man. Yeah. Has these pillars and elements built into it of boy. So, you know, there's also like in the violence and in the destruction of being a man, quote unquote, allegedly. There's also like a bond created throughout it, which we see a lot with like some of the characters in here in war and like the people that you go through the trauma with.

So I don't know. Like there's something about that as brothers too, right? That's why they bond. Like, they went through these traumas of Taiwan. They both lived through it. Even though their mileage varied per person, you know, that's already a shared bond that they have. Through that. So, like, yeah, imagine Cinderella if that was him.

Being able to bond with his brother in that way train side by side with him. Like, if he just had his one wish. Yeah. I mean, who knows? Sad. Maybe. It's interesting. Maybe.

Yeah. It's either that or, like, for your dick to be ten times bigger, and I bet he would love that, too. I just seems, I don't know. We don't have to go. We probably hit the ground a lot, though. I don't, it's not fun. It's not fun, you guys.

Sensitive. People think, okay, here's like my wisdom. The vagina's only like four or five inches long. Exactly. I've had this discussion many times with many, many women of, we don't actually need it to be like that big. We don't want bigger. That does not, that is not impressive because pain is real.

Kind of scary, yeah Sometimes it's kind of scary So So What was that? That said The march had been aggressive Just like our penis

Conversation Yeah The march had been aggressive Wounded men Capped up Or they were abandoned A few collapsed

Every day A few deserted Tiri had Half wanted to go with them But then he's like But I like The Inn And I like

Shee And I like a feather bed True I like living indoors too So a rock rider in the night arrives and announces River Run success and the Westerlands failure at the Whispering Wood.

Got them. Good time to once again, I kind of, every time it happens, I feel like I do have to plug Skads fan fiction about the whispering wood. That was iconic, but also, in general, right now in the camp, morale is low. All right. Tywin, you know, has set a difficult pace for the wounded. He's like, fuck you. And it stands in contrast to what's happening in Dineries' storyline right now, right?

Like, it has happened in the chapter right before this one. Morale is also low. She is only left with the wounded and the old and the young, the people who are dying, right? And yet the pace that Denei's keeps from here on out when she gets the dragons, it's intentionally considerate of them, right? Like, that's her calisar now. She has to, like, if she doesn't want their numbers to dwindle, she has to, she has to make sure that they can keep up.

Yeah, you have to nurture that still. Otherwise, you'll have no army. Yeah. But Tywin will burn it to the ground, everything. I mean, that's his literal route after this, yeah. And Denaries can also just burn the other armies to the ground. Yeah. Of your time skit.

Somehow, somehow, it doesn't seem good. of it. War makes monsters of us all, Eliana. War makes monsters of us all. Harris Swift wonders what madness made Jamie split the army in three, and Tyrion's like,

in his head, he's like, it's only okay when I talk shit about Jamie. What the fuck? It makes him mad. It makes him mad to hear him speak about Jamie in that manner, especially from Harris Swift, whose only claim to fame was marrying his chinless daughter to his uncle Kevin Lannister, who immediately

is like, Harris, you have to do that. That's literally, like, you literally have to do that there. That's how it's set up. The castle is at a point of land where the tumble stone flows into the red fork of the Trident. Like, you dumb bitch, you don't know shit. Yeah. You don't know shit about shit, Harris? He really doesn't.

And also, like, it's interesting when you said, I'm like, I don't think, like, until, like, the second half of the books, you know, after the stuff happens at the end of a storm's swords, Tyrion doesn't really think poorly of Jamie Like that's his fucking That's like big brother syndrome You know like that's my big brother He could do nothing wrong Yeah he really does feel that way about him

And like I do love that Tyrion is internally mad At Harris in this And then Kevin backing up Jamie's decision And it really goes to show that there's a difference Between Harris being like Oh how could this happen And trying to like backseat strategist it But also trying to like

You know be like And find reason behind it and then the difference between being on the front lines actually knowing the battlefield and seeing Kevin's take on that. Yeah, he is a little underrated. Like, he might be one of the very, and we'll talk about this, but one of the very few useful people on the council, right? Yeah, and now that I think about it, like, I guess having him here and the way he does it,

when we talk about Tyrion having Big Brother syndrome, like Kevin, is he meant to be perceived as a foil to Tyrion? Mm-hmm. Something to think about. Yes. Yes. I like it. Yes.

That's how I feel about that. So with a moat, the tollies turn river run into an island, and the beseezure has to place three camps. There is no other way. The messenger corroborates his story and adds, like, they came down one by one, and despite hearing that they were marching south, east of the Green Fork. Gregor Clegane even speaks up, which I kind of. forget that he can talk. Like, I think that part of me...

It's been a while. I know. I think I partially, like, still think of him, like, I don't know, as just, like, strong, silent, but not in a fun way, not in a cool, gentle way. And also, if he can't fucking, like... He can't talk later on when he's, you know, Sir Robert Strong. So anyways, Gregor Klegain speaks up, to the shock of me, somberly, asking if Outriders saw anything, but the messenger says their Outriders. were disappearing.

And this is likely Mark Piper's work. And the ones who did come back saw nothing. I forgot about this. And like, that's Barak Dondarian. That's Barak Dondarians' work right there, right? The fainting and the gorilla. Like, I'm pretty sure that's Berwick Dondarian, baby, is who that is. So much great groundwork being laid here for Clash and for Storm.

like the buildup for the end of the book is really good right like we're hitting these last chapters on the way to Danny but something about this is like amazing political setup for clash absolutely and like also I don't know it's it's fun stuff and like a lot of it plays into what we're going to see in aria's chapters great connections unrelated also unfounded I put Mark Piper in the same category as Adam R brand I feel like I have no evidence but I feel like Mark Piper's hot. That's it. Hmm. I feel like those young Riverlords are like Vance and Piper. Um, interesting. And also interesting, like, his father is Clement. And his name is Mark with a cue.

So I'm like, are they French? Clement. I have a French Clement in my life. So that's why I ask. Mark Piper. I got a lot of my French. French friends. So, I don't know.

That kind of feels like that. But yeah, interesting. Because also, like, Davin Lannister, hot. Like, all this generation of war boys. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's... You know what?

Good for Mark Vipa. He's supposed to be kind of, like, blonde. Yeah. Adam Rbrand was kind of annoying. This chapter, which, like, made him a little less hot on, like, that scale, but, like, physically. Yeah. They're, like, young Zadis. They're not yet Zaddies.

They're not saddies. They're, like... They're like, what's his face in hacks? The, the... A summary turned pretty boy? Conrad? Yes, they're just like Conrad Fisher and hacks. Hmm. But maybe a little older.

Interesting. Interesting discussion. So, Gregor suggests gouging out the eyes of these nothing seers. Oh, that's his signature move. And Tywin turns to study him. Tyrion catches a glint of gold in his father's eyes, but he can't tell whether it's approval or disgust. Me thinks it's the latter, though.

Disgust? I thought initially it was approval until I saw later on when Tyrion's describing Tywin's face flashing with anger and the gold coming out in his eyes. When, like, Tywin's like, this fucking sucks, so I do think it's disgust. I agree.

Ooh, Taiwan's eyes, which is funny, it's like Lysenarbor gold wine, but eyes. Golden Eye. Who? Whoa. Whoa. Boom, boom. So, all down, 007.

Uh. The messenger explains the disaster at River Run. So Brendan Tolly, the blackfish, led the attack, cutting through centuries and palisades before riders flooded the camps. Men in the West camp tried escaping across the river on crude rafts made under Lord Brax, Lord Andros Brax, only to be swept downstream and smashed by Tolly catapults from the walls. I'll say as a quick aside, like, Tyrion was thinking, like, that was kind of stupid of them to, like, be on those crude rafts and armor, because they're going to sink. And I find it a fun contrast with the Grey Joyce who were like, fuck it, we ball.

Yeah, right. Well, no, I guess they also thought it was kind of dumb. Yeah, but there's, they have that balance. They have a good balance between it. Yeah. And it's interesting, right? Because, again, yes, Tyrion is like, fucking idiot about Andros. Yeah.

But everyone else is like comforting Flement or Flamont. Flamont. Because Lord Brax is daddy and now he's dead. Speaking of dead dads. Now he is dead and now he is sad. And anyways, I don't know, there's a lot with like father-son relationships going on here. Like it's really calling out to me when there's a father-son like grief kind of thing going on considering Tyrion and Tywin's relationship and all the other bits of children and parents like Denary is losing her son and husband. been last chapter. Oh yeah. Tywin fearing for his son. Ned's death. He died. Remember?

That's right. With Brand's chapter, Sonsa, aria. Yeah, a lot of dad, child grief going on at the end of this book. That is really interesting because, as you said, they're all comforting him and they're like, that's sad for you. But they can't seem to, some of them, not all of them, can't seem to wrap their head around. Like, how do you all think Rob Stark feels right now? Yeah. Like, he needs, to slash the fucking sword back and forth until he feels something again. Yeah, and what he wants to feel is all of you in this room on the other end of that sword. The Lannisters do understand that, but their men seem confused about this point. We'll get there.

Those who reached shore found the Stark's waiting for them, including the dire wolf. Man, that would suck to reach the other end and be like, oh, fuck, it's a wolf, which apparently tore apart, men and horses alike. The center camp briefly held a shield wall until Titus Blackwood and the Tully sooty hit them from behind. The Grey John burned the siege towers and near and the other captives were freed and the whole siege collapsed. Meanwhile, Forley Prestor. His south camp retreated after seeing the others overwhelmed, though a Tyrosi-Roshee-Selt sword switched sides mid-battle with his rewriters and Kevin immediately says

I warn Jamie never addressed the man who fights only for coin Like okay I told you so great how do you feel But also Tyrion take note True Interesting interesting But they don't understand that because everything's transactional Oh my god Tyrion loves to be like I can fix him

I can fix her Yeah with my money Like some light foreshadowing for him with Braun right here Some light foreshadowing for how he treats Shay Also, I was thinking about his Tyrosi and I'm like, but it's not green beard, right? Or is it? And then I found out George literally has talked about this before and said he forgot. Good for him.

He forgot who this guy. George sort of forgot who the random Tyrochi sell sword is in the Lannister camp. Valid, honestly. Same. There's also a contrast here with Brendan Tolly leading the vanguard for the Stark armies. Tywin's tactic is putting the least experienced group as bait, the easiest to die and be rid of in the vanguard with Tyrion and the clans and Greger versus the Starks and Tollies are sending out their most strategic and most like strongly led vanguard against them. Like I just thought that really stood out to me the two techniques going on here. Yeah, that is interesting.

I wonder how Jamie sets us up. I'm sure we could know. but I didn't pay attention, so I don't remember. Well, and it's interesting because it really does point to how Taiwan only survives via tricks, like, cheap tricks and, like, opportunity. I do want to say off the top of my head, which could be wrong, that Taiwan's strategy that you've called out here actually sounds very similar to how Ruse Bolton does it, but also Rousse Bolton was intentionally being like,

I'm not really, yeah, I'm not really like trying. I'm just like whatever. Yeah, absolutely. Harris Swift starts panicking about Jamie being captured. And he's like, we should sue for peace before the Stark's march on Catterley Rock. And Tyrion drains his wine, throws the empty cup to the floor and snaps back that peace died the moment Joffrey stuck Ned Stark's head on the walls of the Red Keep. We have a line from Tyrion of, you'll have an easier time. drinking wine from that cup, then you will, convincing Rob Stark to make peace now.

He's winning, or hadn't you noticed? Also true, and maybe not necessarily helping, but, you know, is what it is. He's mad. He's mad. Very true. And also his anger and temper, you're, like, throwing the wine cup and all of these signals of his pride about family, like not liking how Jamie's being spoken about. And, ooh, he is Tywin's son.

That's your daddy. or another. Yeah, part of it is, like, it does make a dramatic way of showing the piece that's been shattered. And I think that's the thing. Like, he's a diva. Daddy's a diva. Seriously's a diva.

Jamie's a diva. They're all divas, okay? And I do think, like, he kind of did need to do that, though, right? Because the Lannisters have kind of bought into the story that Tywin has built around them of, like, we are the best. We are the greatest. and because we are the richest. And these people seem to be incapable of perceiving, bro, we're losing.

Because they're so bought in. Yeah, like we need to have some reality. Yeah, they're so bought into that story that they're not looking at, like, the facts. Well, and then, like, that's what happens when you have only, yes, men, you've killed off the only capable people you had because they challenged you. Yeah. Like, that's literally what you're seeing. And we'll talk more about it.

But, like, these guys suck. Oh, my God. These guys suck. And that's why, like, Circe does that, too. Yeah, and that's why her life sucks, too. Same shit. Different day. Yeah.

She's, like, get rid of my challengers. I'm not saying, like, you need to pick up the tie backs. And, like, you don't need to pick up the great. You don't need to, like, pick them up on their knees and say, oh, the reins, I love you. But, you know, Jude. punish them, take some hostages, you know, take some lands, do whatever you got to do, put down what you got to put down rebellion-wise, like, I don't know about killing everyone at a fucking feast or a wedding or a whatever, but you let them get back up, you pick your enemy

back up, not enough to rebuild, but enough for obeisance. You know, like, I don't know. Like, I just feel like you don't got to kill everyone. Yeah. Because then you run out of people that are actually capable, because clearly these guys are are not capable. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

And he doesn't have, not that Robert was listening to them anyways, but he doesn't, there's like got to be a balance in there somewhere. Because Robert was good at winning over the hearts, I guess, of people who were opposed to him. And I mean, speaking of everyone not really seeing what's going on here, Adam, and also speaking of like, you know, why he's just like kind of a little more annoying this chapter. He's like, and he insists that two battles do not make a war. And it's like, sure, they don't, but like we're clearly in it.

Like, we're clearly in one right now, everyone. And he's like open to being a personal champion against the Starkboy. And I'm like, no one agrees to that. Like, one person agreed to that in ESOS. And Lefford says maybe they can trade prisoners for theirs. And Tyrion argues that unless they trade three for one, they're going to come out light on that trade. He's like, maybe we can give the hands rotting head back.

And everyone's like, okay, well, what about like two girls for Jamie? Like, we can give two, the Stark daughters, which, fun fact, you can only give one, you guys. And Lefford says they must at least try to ransom him. Or they're like, maybe we can pay. We can pay all that money. That's the ransom, I guess. And she turns like, why? They can just melt down his armor if they need fucking money.

And either way, they all look weak if they ask for a truce. And, yeah, I think it really should. shows like the complete disconnect from reality amongst these Lannister troops because they're too busy getting high on their own supply and suddenly they're like, wait, oh my God, we're losing. They don't understand the cost of all of these things. And so they're just scrambling for solutions. No, literally, and it makes me think almost that these three camps actually are representative of the three Lannister children, right? Like each of these child. is a weakness to Tywin,

and he's constantly testing which camp is going to win, which will prevail, and you saying that disconnect from reality, like, I'm like, oh, Taiwan's entire army is guided by that concept. Yeah. The army has

no, they are not bound. They are not grounded in reality. Only Tyrion sounds mildly so, and like, part of it is because he understands that the Stark girls are not equivalent to Jamie's life. And it's something that he would know intimately. And also Rob knows it too, right? Like we see that happen when Catlin's like, but what if we trade it? And Rob's like, I can't.

Like, you know that I can't. But Tyrion was on the other end of the hostage situation recently, person who has been hostage and knows what it means for someone to be worth trading, right? like he understands that he wasn't worth enough for certain kinds of trades and so if he's not, then the girls definitely fucking aren't and

also the idea like he's like you guys think with your fucking brains do you think that gold is going to be equivalent to the fact that like the North's leader was just fucking killed like how do you not think that that's an act of like we're doing war now right

that's that kid's father he's not going to fucking give up after that. Let alone the way he was killed. Right. And all of his people that were killed. In your house. At your home. How do you all think that's going to be enough?

How do you not think we're in a war now? Right? After all this. That's breaking guest right. Yeah. Like there was no trial. I mean, technically, yeah. I don't know if it's guest right or not, but all of it went awry.

And it's interesting to me that it's the Lannister army that fails to understand this concept of pride, because that's what's fueling the starks now, right? Like, vengeance and pride. Like, you're not going to be able to, like, that's real pride right there. Absolutely. God. It's so true. So, finally, Tywin interrupts.

He's been quiet this entire time. He rises to his feet and says, they have my son in a voice that cut through the babble like a sword through suet leave me all of you ever the soul of obedience Tyrion rose to depart with the rest

But his father gave him a look Not you Tyrion Remain and you as well Kevan The rest of you out After Tyrion takes a refill of wine From his father's untouched cup Tywin sits and is like Tyrion, you're right. Alive, we could have forged peace with Ned Stark. Dead. Madness. Rank,

madness. So interestingly, we don't get Tyrion's reaction to this immediately. We do, like, in a few paragraphs and how everything is. But it must feel very validating to know that Dadde thought that he was right. And also, the earlier section is set up to show us that Tyrion, I think the way that it's structured is meant to show us that Tyrion does think like Tywin in many ways in terms of like strategy and how he's weighing things, which is how they're allowed to make, the structure allows Taiwan to seem very pensive because it's setting it all up for here. Yeah, that's very true. And kind of that Taiwan controls and ratios, he rations out. how much Tyrion's allowed to know Ration's allowed to know

Ration, like on Twitter No, like on X.com No Tywin rations out how much he lets Tyrion know that he agrees. Yeah. Even if he always does. Yeah.

Withholding daddy. Wow. No. Yeah. Call Thunderclapped in Zaddy season. No, he's not in the top sadness. Yeah, I know. I know. You know what, I know, I take it back. I was just making a joke. I know. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You never let me have fun anymore. What is up with that? I'm, I can't go on like this.

I'm sorry. Yo, we're on page six of nine on our outline. Nice. Six of nine. Six of nine. Oh, six of nine. Sixty nine. I see. Nice. Tyrian tries defending Joffrey almost a little bit, pointing out, look, he's only a boy. I committed plenty of follies at that age and Tywin's like, yeah, at least Joffrey hasn't married a sex worker yet. Not very kind. Yeah. What the fuck?

Yeah, any of it? But back to the issue at hand, Renly Barathean has crowned himself King after marrying Marjorie Tyrol at High Garden with the Tyrell's now backing his claim. Uh-oh. Circe's demanding Tywin immediately march

for King's landing, Daddy. Though, she apparently hasn't even told Joffrey yet because she's like, oh, he will personally try to lead the city watch into battle, which we learned from Blackwater isn't true. Not a fear you need to have. Tyrion and Kavana both think this sounds like a terrible idea as well. Tyrion is like, well, what's going on with Stannis? And Tywin's like, oh yeah, Stannis is way worse than Renly.

I'm a little more worried about that because no one knows what he's doing, but there are rumors that he's building ships, hiring cell swords, and also consulting a shadow binder, question mark. Question mark from a shy? Question mark, who could it be? A shy mentioned. Tywin clearly hates not understanding any of this, by the way. He's, like, puzzled.

And it shows he hates not understanding the hand at play. I think also, like, we know that they all always have kind of feared Stannis. And Stannis does, I guess. Like, he does all succeed there for a little bit at the end of book two. But it's because they know that unlike Friendly, they're like, that man's stubborn. He's going to like, he's going to persevere somehow, which is what happened with Storm's End. And honestly, most of the rumors that he heard here, like, they're pretty true to some extent. And because, as you said, like, he doesn't understand any of the

hands at play. And he realizes this is not the game that I thought I was playing anymore, since everything that he said of how things would fall out or shake out from last few chapters has not. He's now like, okay, I have to rebuild everything, like, in return to, like, very first principles because every other thing that I've held as a truth is wrong. So I need new truths and has to, like, figure out a new framework, running on an intelligence that may not be accurate. And I do think, like, I saw a discussion on Twitter the other day of people saying that the show never really, adapted that lag in information because of like the distances and how that was like a really fun and I think core part maybe of how a song of ice and fire operates. I'm like yeah, that is true.

That is kind of a bummer. Yeah, it's what makes him more two dimensional on the show versus the book I think too, which like it's funny because in the end actually I think Taiwan maybe is more two dimensional in the books than the show. That's true. But the show cuts out some of that nuance that gets you there, whereas the show is just like, he's just a 2D character. Hmm, yeah. Well, Kevon. I liked how you said Kevin, Kevon earlier, because I just say Kevin. I'm just trying it out.

I know, I'm just trying it out. But I think you're right to say Kavanaughan. It gives it a little more crevitas, you know. He spreads out the war map, and the situation is clear. When Jamie captured, Rob Stark sits to the west. Ris Bolton remains north. The River Lords have joined Rob. and Stanis threatens them from Dragonstone.

Runley and the Reach are calling banners in the south, and Berwick Don Daryon, and Thoros keep harassing Linusers of Wynes throughout the Riverlands. Tyrion jokes that, well, at least Rhaegar Targaryen is still dead, and no one laughs at him, except for... They would, if they were an Acewaffe theorist. They would, yeah. Or they'd be like...

They would. This is proof. This is proof. This is proof. It's the red and black cloak. He's at the Knights Watch. Watch out. Have they all tried, you know, fighting every battle in their mind.

Oh, my God. Check mate, though. Enemies all around you. Very satisfying. Obviously, again, Taiwan's not a war commander. He's good at dirty tricks and flash and using lies to win. That's how he gets out of this.

That's how he always gets out of things. That's like his move, his signature move. There's also some fun language right here where he's like with Ruth Bolton behind us, which he's saying is, if behind us, like, you know, in the rear of us, but also with Bruce Bolton behind us, well, Bruce Bolton does get behind you. He backs you later. That's kind of fun. So it's fun. Yeah. Forshadowing. I didn't really think about that. You're right. He's not truly a war commander. Like, he doesn't really participate in the rebellion.

Last time he did anything was really during the war of the Nine Penny Kings. And yeah, he does like trixie shit all the fucking time. It's just not framed as that. but it is so land the clever, like kind of cruel for him. I never thought about it. Yeah. Huh. Yeah.

That's pretty much his whole entire signature move. He holds out or he wastes armies to try to get to the right. Like, what he did with the vanguard? His goal was that it was going to push them against the water and then they'd be able to push back and a few of them would live, maybe Tyrion.

Or even like, and this time it didn't work out for him because of that. Yeah, or like tricking everyone to get drowned. Or like. Yeah, or tricking everybody to go to a wedding and die. Yeah, and, like, to open the gates and then I'm going to turn on you. Like, he's very, you're so right. Huh.

Yeah. Yeah. Even, like I said on that molecular level of, like, you know, the micro level of what they did last time at the Green Fork versus big time when he does it, like, at a wedding. Like, big or small, he's a trickster. Yeah. Interesting. Tywin decides that they'll march for Heron Hall while unleashing Gregor Clegan, Vargo Hote,

and Amory lorch across the Riverlands to burn and pillage everything in sight. He even offers Tyrion's mountain clans the chance to join in on the raping and looting, but Tyrion refuses to give his clansmen up, admitting to himself, he trusts them more than his father's men. And he's like, and then Tywin's like, well, you better make sure you can control them where you're going.

And he's like, where are we going? We don't need roads. And Tywin blinds him, says, Tyrion, you're being sent to King's Landing to rule in Tywin's place. This is so America's next top model when Tyro walks in and she's like, you're going to Milan, girls! Like, Tywin's like, you're going to Kings Landing to be the handjob. It is that.

And then he's going to like, I don't know, tear out his teeth or something. God. Tywin thinks the small council, Joffrey, and especially Circe's, an ability to control her son, are a little out. out of hand. He rants about Janoslint being granted Harunhal and about how Barriston Selmy was dismissed and how the council is just allowing Joffrey to stagger from one disaster to another. He says, whose notion was it to make this Janos slint a lord? The man's father was a butcher and they grant him Heron Hall. Harunhal, Harunhal, that was the seat of kings. Not that

he will ever set foot inside it, if I ever say. My God, tell us how you really feel about Janos slint Tywin. Don't worry. You'll also hate the next guy they give it to, by the way. His classism knows no bounds. Love it. He is so classist. He's like, that guy is poor, and he smells poor, and he shouldn't go there.

Even though the castle itself also smells poor. Mostly because of the mildew. Yeah. Just saying. Yeah. And of course, Tyrion sends Janos to the wall for Daddy later. Aw. He does.

Yeah, I guess he also says, like, what the fuck? why the fuck is this guy I mean honestly I too am also like why the fuck is this guy here he does suck like everyone's not wrong you know they're just wrong about why he sucks

yeah no absolutely absolutely he does suck for actually various reasons but I love this line about how Barriston being dismissed was also a mistake and also Sandor mentioned

he lent honor to any man he served Can anyone say the same of the hound? You feed your dog bones under the table. You do not seat him beside you on the high bench. Wait, is that not what Aries said about him with Ragar and Cercy, L-M-A-O, L-O-L? Is that not, like, word for word, what Aries said to him? I had the exact same thought. I was also like, wait, I feel like I've heard this before.

Wow, absorbing the lesson and passing it on, huh? Hmm. Well. It's also clear that Tywin thinks Circe has no control, which like, no, she doesn't. But it's not like he's surrounded by geniuses either right now, clearly, as we've discussed. And in fact, she ends up inheriting some of these geniuses later. So, Taiwan and Circe, kind of coming back to what you were saying earlier, they both think they're cleverer than they are. And they have a weak, well, in universe, weak supporting cast that doesn't.

doesn't help them rule. Kevin's almost useful. Adam is almost useful, but the rest, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I was kind of, I was like, surprised. I was like, I don't know, does Gregory, like, think? But I guess not. That was actually, like, a really bad suggestion on his part. I was like, so, I think I was just shocked that he spoke. Um. Yeah. Yeah, I think everyone's like, yeah, as you said, almost useful. But at least like, Tywin, I don't know. He had Tyrion. Reading all of Tyrion's chapters in order, I do think you can see how Tawhin does piece together that Tyrion is the one to send to King's Landing and not Kevan in this moment. Like after reading all of his other Game of Thrones chapters, the arc makes sense because we see that Tyrion is like the only one who has the gumption to stand up to the rest of his family. Like Kevon's not going to do it. And Tyrion clearly like doesn't have any problem talking back to Circe and as evidenced by his earlier interactions with

Joffrey being like, you should go greet Brand and like send your condolences to everyone. Like he doesn't. Yeah, he understands that. Yeah, he's not cowed by Joffrey in the same way. And he doesn't feel the need to suck up to his family because he's like their brother, right? And uncle. And so unlike Kevin, who was like blinded. And also he's the one who showed in this most recent conversation that he knows how to weigh, I guess, the quote unquote worth of someone in regards to hostages, which means, like, he probably would not have just rewarded Janoslint,

but then again, I'm like, maybe his equivalent to all this is the mountain clans. So, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I think everyone does get one to your point, right? This is what he decided to invest in. Yeah. His useless investment.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it'll come through for him eventually. You don't know. Yeah. There's something really great in what you said about, like, Tywin choosing Tyrion

and that like Tywin again something he very much values are the courtesies he values the fancy words and using them as a shield a parchment shield or as like a verbal shield as well as pulling trixie things he uses courtesies to feel people out to understand how to best leverage

the relationships you know yeah to manipulate people to his ultimate gain I mean Tyrion does that too so when he sees like that's unfortunately that is what's kind of needed to politic in king's landing you do need to manage people you do need to manage various personalities and be able to work alongside them and Kevin is a little too tame and tolerant for wartime right now in king's landing could he have managed all of the personalities at that table I don't know probably not I don't know he doesn't have like the wittiness to do so like Tyrion as we saw earlier

have that thick skin, thin thick skin. Yeah, and like, Tyrion has had no choice but to develop thick skin throughout his life. People might respect him a little less because of, like, his dwarfism, but they're going to respect him by virtue of being Taiwan's son. And like, whether Taiwan likes it or not, when Tyrion's not busy threatening people in their lives, he can be quite charming. We see it, like, when he's politicking with the Knights watch, right? granted he does make some enemies, but he is good at being able to balance the dynamics in a room.

He's learning. Yeah, I mean, he's always kind of had to do it, right? Because he has had to do like essentially the equivalent of like when people, not to say it's one to one and not to like push my own agenda, but also who gives a fuck, it's my podcast. But when people are like, why does she not simply reject the man outright? Why must she dance around in circles? and it's like, well, she has to do it like in a polite way or he's going to fucking kill her. And Tyrion has

learned how to do essentially the equivalent of that for whatever's going on in his life. And he's also then learned how to kill her. Yeah. He gets to be in both worlds. He's got the best of both worlds. Took it out at the show.

Then you rock out the show. You castorly rock out the show. You castorly rock out the show. You castorly rock out the show. It's the best of both worlds Wow Put it all together from Kingsland into the Rockets, both worlds I also have to call out

No, she really is And I have to call out this fun line Where Tywin says I blame those jack-a-napes on the council Our friend Peter, the venerable grandmaister and that cockless wonder Lord Varies What sort of counsel are they giving Joffrey when he lurches from one folly to the next?

I just like jack-a-napes and just what a prick he is. He's just, again, having a blast. I love that. He's not wrong to blame Littlefinger, because Littlefinger is just pulling the strings. There's that theory that he's the one who told Joffrey, don't send him to the wall. You should kill him.

And I think that there's water to that theory. And then Vary's is giving, like, I guess, advice. Honestly Tywin's right to distrust Vary's advice considering the last time Vary's gave advice to a different king. It was what if what if you let the guy is trying to betray you in

you know? And you know what maybe the language wasn't very nice in P.C. But what I will say is he is a cockless wonder. He does a lot of shit all the time. He's out there making shit happen. He is. You know, maybe not

non-derogatory. and parentheses after it. Like, that's what he should have said. Like, superhero kind of name. Yeah. Yeah. And then... Oh.

Yeah. Honestly. Tyrion then asked the obvious question of, like, why him? Why not Kevin? Or another lord. And we close out with this passage. He finished his wine and set the cup aside. Thoughtful.

A part of him was more pleased than he cared to admit. Another part was remembering the battle upriver and wondering if he was being, sent to hold the left again. Why me? he asked, cocking his head to one side. Why not Uncle? Why not Sir Adam or Sir Flemon or Lord Sarat? Why not a bigger man?

Lord Tywin rose abruptly. You are my son. That was when he knew. You have given him up for lost, he thought. You bloody bastard, you think Jamie's good as dead, so I'm all you have left. Tyrion wanted to slap him, to spit in his face, to draw his dagger and cut the heart out of him and see if it was made of old, hard gold, the way the small folks said. Yet, he sat there, silent and still. The shards of the broken cup crunched beneath his father's heels as Lord Tywin crossed the room.

One last thing, he said at the door, you will not take the whore to court. Tyrion sat alone in the common room for a long while after his father was gone. Finally, he climbed the steps to his cozy garret beneath the bell tower. The ceiling was low, but that was scarcely a drawback for a dwarf. From the window, he could see the gibbet his father had erected in the yard. The innkeep's body turned slowly on its rope whenever the night wind gusted. Her flesh had grown as thin and ragged as Lannister hopes. Shay murmured sleepily and rolled toward him when he sat on the edge of the featherbed.

He slid his hand under the blanket and cupped a soft breast and her eyes opened. My lord, she said, with a drowsy smile. When he felt her nipples stiffened, Tyrion kissed her. I have a mind to take you to King's Landing, sweetling, he whispered. Uh-oh, shenanigans ensue. Shane Nandigans. You still got it after all these years, you know? I don't care what they say about you.

I kind of like you, Eliana. You just said as you're like, you never let me have fun anymore, Eliana. She's just, we're just trying to keep things spicy. Yeah, you know, we're role-playing, so. We are actually kind of, I was like, there's a lot going on here in this passage that Chloe's reading aloud. And I was like, whoa, that was a very sultry but soft malore. And I was like, okay. Well, you know, I was just, anyways, listen, we don't have time to go into the dynamic of the casting of that.

I forgot Shay was in that at the end, so I really improved just for you. I tried to really bring the sensuality to it. Honestly, can I say something crazy? Yeah, yeah, always. That's what we're here for on Men Gone Canon. Like, I understand that Tywin sucks and he's toxic and abusive. and that's why his children largely act like this, even as adults. But I just think that sometimes, like, Tyrion could do less.

Like, I think Tyrion is imagining slights sometimes, just as much as Circe or Jamie even. And, like, sometimes maybe it's not about him. Have you thought about that recently? I'm like, I mean, look, look, look. I get it. But I'm just saying everything with him is about. It's a fight, a perceived hurt, and has to have a layer of defense on top of it. And it's also why he has no friends.

Like, and he hasn't ever had friends. That's true. There are no friends. He has no friends. I mean, Jamie and Circe don't either really, but they don't have friends because, like, it's a mixture of that where everything's a battle and everything is about winning. But also about, like, having to be the smartest person in the room. And, like, if you aren't the smartest, then you self-flagellate.

and like you're negative, and those are the results you get. Like, I don't know, like, sometimes I'm like, I love it. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But I'm like, Tyrion, you could just do less. But they're divas. They can't. Yeah, they are divas. It's how, it's hard-coded into them.

They have to be extra. They're female versions of hustlers, yeah. Actually, no, they literally are. Like, as you were saying about them being tricksters. And. Yeah. Yeah. No, they do, like, all very much perceive slights where they aren't. and

I mean I don't remember as much for Jamie but it's also been a while like my brain was in a fog I think at that time that was all Jamie was the one we did longest ago which is crazy to think about and right like that was a long time ago

and then for Tyrion it does like it does make a little more sense to me in some ways because I'm like I think part of it is like some sort of maybe social anxiety because like I mean I think I would have one too. I do have one, but I think I would have one too in the way that Tyrion does

regarding like imagining slights if the person who was like your source of truth of the world, your parent was like always talking about how shitty you are and like how everyone like is thinks you're embarrassing and that you are embarrassing because when you're a child, your parent is the lens through which you learn how to perceive the rest of the world. And so if the only way he's like ever been shown love is with strings and like, you know, then obviously the people who don't love him are going to have even more strings. And also he's always being told like you're being fucking embarrassing. Like, I wouldn't think that too.

I mean, I just want to understand like have you considered maybe he is being embarrassing. I do think that. No, I'm just kidding. No, no. I do think there are times he's absolutely being fucking embarrassing, right? Like, that's why, as you said, part of it is he has no friends. And sometimes I'm like, have you considered trying to make friends and not just threatening people all the time? And alienating them immediately or like then not knowing how to converse and just giving them money.

Yeah. He has like one friend. No, the answer's no. He has one friend. Who's his friend? And he's 14 and now he's dead. Oh, yeah, John. Yeah.

Oh, my God. that's so sad. His only friend is dead. Yeah. Jamie has like also one friend and he can't talk. And he can't talk. I don't even know if they're really friends or not. And whenever Searcy gets a friend, she kills them. So. Or she brings them to bed. And at that point, that's a different kind of friendship. Now you're friends with benefits. I mean, she's probably also going to get her killed. So I mean... That's also true. Just like with Malara, you know. Who's going to know?

Exactly. No one's going to find out. No one's going to find out. No one's going to find out. No one's going to know. Yeah. So, they do really love to self-sabotage, I guess, their friendship. So I didn't really thought about that.

Listen, all y'all, it's self-sabotage. Yeah. Well, okay. Tyrion being a son-s-sai-win-son, besides, you know, being what's left without Jamie now. And also, I do think it's interesting. Like, we, up until that later part of the story, like, we really can't see Tyrion ever bring himself to hate Jamie. Like, I don't really see it.

Even if, like, Jamie is arguably set up by Taiwan to look like that's what stands between Tyrion and love, or, like, the closest thing he'll get to love. And I think it's because Jamie, you know, he's the only other person who showed Tyrion kindness. So I just think that's really interesting. and that's why it hits so hard in storm. But also, because of that love, Tyrion's interiority, if you contrast it with Circe's, it has none of the same envy that Circe has towards Jamie,

which I think is really interesting because both of them are disenfranchised by their bodies. Yet, one constantly thinks about how she would be better than Jamie, if this or if that. But Tyrion doesn't think, like, I would be better than Jamie if, like, I weren't a dwarf, right? He just has his own niche. He's like, whatever.

I'm the smart one. And, I don't know. Tywin, like, CERC, we've already discussed this a little, but he sees the children as extensions of himself. Like, Taiwan isn't like, oh my God, they have Jamie. He's like, they have my son in regards to, like, possession, right? That Jamie has worth because of his proximity or belonging to Taiwan. And then, last, I will say, like, it is. It's kind of haunting that, like, Tyrion's crawling into bed with Shay, and, like, you're noting, like, in the backdrop, there's Masha Hedell's body, right?

Tyrion, he's one of the... It's foreshadowing. Yeah, he's like, oh, whatever. I'm just going to, like, not think about it and go nut anyway. And I'm like, okay. But he is one of the high lords playing their games, right? And it absolutely is, as you said, foreshadowing of what's to come into clash of kings, like, because time is, like, let's burn ever. It is interesting, too, when considering what Circe's overall fate might be,

which could be from domestic violence, from her partner, her longtime partner, known since birth. It's usually someone you know. Yes. So it's very interesting that, like, Tyrion's lover, quote unquote, dies from the domestic violence that he puts upon her. Like, it would be interesting if that is the Lannister legacy, because when I think of Masha Huddle swinging later on, we get the sex workers hanging right, they lay with lions. That's Jay's fate. They lay with lions, really.

Just internal, the internal drama of it. So, like, there's just something going on with all of the, you know, inherent violence against woman. I have a tinfoil that I've never thought of until this moment and what you're saying. How did Joanna Lannister die? I mean, childbirth. What if they're saying? child birth. Oh.

But. But Tywin sat on her face and she suffocated while eating his ass. Sorry, I just wanted to light in the moment. Maybe she's always, that's how she wanted to go out, you know. She was happy that way. No. I don't know. I'm just saying.

I mean, in a way, right? Who knows? But they were supposedly in love. Maybe she wanted a third child. She probably, I don't know. After the first two? The first two. Well, no, maybe she wanted.

She's like, I just want one child that's not fucking each other or something like that. No, I'm joking. I do think like it definitely like, it definitely was childbirth because that's what makes it a fun parallel with Danny and John. It's not like that fun. But I don't know. I guess something's going on there. Yeah, it's a fun parallel to all the women die. Yeah.

Yeah. At least she's named. Shit. That's true. And I mean, okay, I guess at least the other two, but that's because they're main characters. They get names. For John and Danny's mothers, I mean. Yeah.

They do get names. Thank God. Thank God. Wow. Kind of crazy that this is where Tyrion ends in game. I do think like... It's where we end in game. Yeah, it's where we...

It's the end of the game. Oh my God. But no, just thinking of the buildup to the end in game, like, George does a really good job of letting Tyrion's chapters still be strong and important, but take kind of the background amidst chapters that are really... really intense, right? Like Danny's chapters, Arya and Sanzas chapters,

like chapters that are all reacting to the big drama going on and like Tyrion's chapter is a lot of, you know, internal dialogue of how much he's upset about his dad and grappling with that and grappling with the war.

The war is mostly off page in this chapter. So it's interesting how soft the ending for Tyrion is compared to everyone else's endings, not being soft in this book. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, much more setup, and I'm really excited. I really miss Clash of Kings, you know me, I'm a Clash Enjoyer, man.

Yeah, and we're going to get back to it at the end of summer. After Hot-Dee. Yes, when Hot D's over. That's kind of crazy. I'm kind of feeling like on a roll right now with Tyrion. I know, we've got to take a little break, but we'll come back ready to talk about more Lannister, fucked up in this,

men, yeah, we'll have a whole fresh dose of it. First, we have to talk about lesbians for hot D and then we have to talk about men. It's kind of... Let's go, lesbians,

how the world works, you know? Let's go, lesbians, let's go. Yeah. Well, thanks for listening. We will return after House of the Dragon and after Unleashed the D, we hope you tune in for those. Happy Hot D season to those who celebrate.

Keep up with us everywhere. Yeah, please, please do. I mean, like, honestly, I have fun guesting on Unleash the D and... Oh, my God. And the rest of our House of the Dragon coverage. So please, please come hang. And, yeah. We love to chit-chat with you on our platforms or on Discord.

Yeah. And, of course, I mean, you can chit-chat with us, I guess, tomorrow if you were. listening to this for public release or later this week. And if you want to keep up with all of our news, you can on social media at Girls Gone Canon. That's C-A-N-O-N-N on Twitter and on Blue Sky. And of course, you can always send us an email at girls gone canon at gmail.com, where Eliana can take your question a little too seriously. Don't be sad that I called you out for putting logic to a fake question.

I just, I put my whole logic cussie Oh dear I didn't want you to just keep going so I'm like honey You're like we have a whole episode to do That's true we had this episode to like discuss I mean like I don't know what would you guys rather hear me do Like talk in circles over one question

Or do in the episode Your move audience My God Make sure that you're subscribed to us on your favorite listening platform. My friends and patrons are about to tell you where, so you will never miss Eliana talking in circles again. You can catch Girls Gone Canon on any of the following streamers on Podbean, iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, Acast, Spotify, Overcast, Apple Podcast, IHeartRadio, Audible, and Amazon Podcasts. You can also join us on Patreon, where I'm

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Check it out, bonus episodes every month, Discord access in another tier. You just got to go look at the tiers, figure out what is for you, and join the GGC family. We would love to have you. As always, I've been one of your hosts, Chloe. And I've been another one of your hosts, Aliana. We will circle back. Oh, my God. On Tierra.

In August. I guess we will. Bye. Bye. Get it like, I guess we will. But August.