Girls Gotta Eat - Aging, Changing, and Thriving

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

We have a lot to unpack! Ashley turned 40 and is in a relationship, and Rayna reads fiction now and can't stop being naked. We recap the best trip of our lives from the laughs to the luxury to the perineum sunning, and also discuss aging and being confident in your looks/body. Then we drag And Just Like That (again), hype Colleen Hoover (again), and deep dive on a listener question – should you date the person you have a better sexual or emotional connection with? Enjoy! Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Skims: Get free shipping on orders over $75 at skims.com. Beis: Get 15% off your first purchase at beistravel.com/gge. Helix: Get 20% off all mattress orders + two free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge with code HELIXPARTNER. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I can't not be so excited about this. Like, it's a real milestone and I have never been happier. Like, I've never been happier. I've never felt hotter. And that's the damn truth. My dad can't stop talking about it. Right. If you're like your dad, one more time.

So, of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. I'm a blonde bombshell now. You are. And you are all kinds of new stuff. I didn't know what you were going to say because you were also reading fiction. We are so different than people are like, they've changed. Yeah.

We have. They changed. We're different people now. Yeah. I have, some of my boobs are so huge. I read fiction. Raina reads fiction is naked all the time.

And I am 40 and I'm in a relationship. insane. Why did you scream out? I didn't know you were swarming all over the road right now. I do want everybody to be safe, but I am picturing someone like, oh, like just the car, like, shakes, like, lose control. The car. Like that time I sent you that picture, you said, you like, almost swarmed off the road. You missed the gym. We'll talk about it. But yeah, teaser for the

episode ahead. Like lots of stuff to discuss. Oh my gosh. You guys are sorry. I feel like people that follow me on Instagram already know. Okay, but like something on everything. Okay. I'm too excited. Okay. I've never heard you screen like that. What are that girl say too fast? Too fast too loud. Yeah, we talk too fast, too loud. Your scream was giving Kate at Squid Row. Just spontaneously scream. We'll talk about it. Do you want to announce the new live show that we're doing? Okay. I'm really excited. This is not part of the Snack City tour, but it is an addition. We know we said we weren't touring until September, but we lied. So we are coming to Chicago. August 19th, it's a Saturday. We are so excited to be coming and we are partnering with the infatuation on their huge, awesome food festival, eats con. Yes. I'm so excited. That's my parents' anniversary. Yes. August 19th also. Yeah, so we decided to not be there. We're going to go the next day. But we got asked to do this festival.

We are headliners along with Soidi, which is just such an honor. And we love the infatuation and we love Chicago. And we cannot wait to do a show that it's going to be a little bit different, but the same. Like it's still going to be a really wild fun girls got to eat show, maybe some more food incorporated into it. But we'll be there. The tickets are super affordable. I think we were talking on the call this morning. They're like 25 bucks.

And it'll just be a really fun weekend. I mean, people that have seen that we're doing that, that have been to other Eatscons are just so excited because it's such fun time. The infatuation has been my favorite food blogs forever. I mean, since like 2012. They seguuated to a great

Instagram food account. They have a huge media company all revolving around food. I trust their recommendations for everything. They're the most trusted. Right. They are the top. The top. And they have been involved in festivals for years. They've done South by Southwest and Gov Ball and they coordinate all the food. And then they launched their own food festival.

And I've been to the one in New York. There's one in L.A. And this is going to be their first one in Chicago. and they partner with like all these local restaurants that are incredible. You can come try food from literally the best restaurants in the area. And Chicago is one of my favorite food cities in the country, hands down. Cannot be beat. Ashley and I will be on the main stage headlining.

It is going to be a wild girl's got each show. So come party with us. I just can't wait. Tickets are a couple places. There's a vent bright. You can go to the infatuations website. So infatuation. And then also on the EatsCon page.

And I want to spell this for you guys because it's Eatscon.com slash Chicago. and Eats has five Eats, A-T-S-C-O-N-E-E-T-S-Con.com, Chicago. So yeah, we'll see you there. You can still get tickets, of course, and it'll be a really fun weekend. Yeah, it's going to be so fun. We were on the call this morning with them. I was like, will there be any kids

that could just trickle in? Be honest. Are there families? We need to know this. I was like, I need an answer. Like, I want to know, because our show is clearly not. safe for kids, but it could traumatize a kid. And it reminded me of when we were in our very first

JFL in Montreal, and Andrew Schultz was there. And he was on the outside main stage in the middle of JFL at dusk. Like, it wasn't 10 or 11. It was... It wasn't after dark. Seven or eight. And he was doing this bit that I had seen him do the night before at the dirty show, which is like fucked up material only. And it was this thing about Michael Jackson and it's a very smart bit. You know, we love it. It's fucked up. And he is saying these things. And when I tell you that parents were running with their children covering their children's ears, like running like there had been a bomb. Like an apocalyptic thriller when people are getting out of their cars and just running away. It was like the threat of a shooter, the way people were running with their kids away so they wouldn't

here, like the punchline. And he's screaming on the mic about Michael Jordan, giving him a rim job. It was Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan. He did this like comparison. Yes. He was like, who would be a privilege? And we're like, ooh! And he was just kids. We're running. We're fleeing. Parents were like, oh my God. That's the best dad. So yeah, we... So bring your kids. It'll be like that. We promised them that we went to a deep throating contest with bananas. I did. Raina, when you said deep throat on that call, I was like, first of all, didn't have to say deep throat. Not at all. Didn't have to. I don't have to. like to take a temp check of who's in the room.

10 people on this call. And honestly, the highest people in their company. I respect them because I crossed no boundaries. No one even flinched. They were like, thank you so much. That's good. Well, when we first got asked to do this,

I was like, they know it's not a food podcast, right? I wasn't sure, actually. I was like, girls got to eat. It has been like contracted to do this food festival, and they just never listened to the podcast. So funny. But they're being really open about what they're letting us do. I'm surprised.

So, I can't wait. Come, leave your kids at home. And then we'll be back on full tour September 9th in London. We still have tickets available for the fall. We're all up and down the West Coast, all over California, the Pacific Northwest, Texas. We are booking great performers, all kinds of things. And that'll be it for a little while. So come see us in the fall.

Last show to close out the year will be in December in New York for the holidays. And that is it, folks. Yes. Not forever, but for a little bit. For a little bit. Girls Gotta eat.com. Okay. So we are back from my birthday trip.

we went to Cabo, 12 people, it was, I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm going to laugh and cry because I'm still laughing about everything. I'm like driving or walking as old, just busting out laughing, just remembering things from the trip. It was the best four days in my life. I say that with confidence. I am sorry to anyone I'm offending. If you thought a different day was my favorite day and you weren't there. I know, I feel like it just, there's been a lot of important, amazing things in my life.

But that specifically these like four days with these such important people, and like a dream house in paradise and everything went so smoothly and I've never laughed so hard in my life. I was gasping for air most moments of the day when I wasn't having sex. So I was just really, just constantly, just serotonin flooding my brain at all times.

I wasn't even having sex and every minute of that trip was the best day. I feel like I'm going to cry too. I feel like I kept like having these moments where I'd like take a step back and like, you're like, this is my life. These are the people in it. Like, I was sitting around dinner.

We had a couple dinners at the house and I was just thinking like, what in honor to be a part of this group of people that are like the smartest, funniest, high functioning, coolest, most fucked up people. Like, I just, I felt really emotional just being like, this is what you built around you. Yes.

And I'll get to it. But the guy that I'm with was just like, these people are insane, like in the best way, you know, and like how funny everyone is. And I'm going to tell you right, now, you think Raina and I are on a trip and we're going to be the stars, you're wrong. We're not the funniest. Kate and Jenny stole the show. They were both on fire. I can't even believe it. And I know that they're so funny. Like, these are some of my best friends. Like, this is why I chose them.

You know, like they are so hysterical. But them on this trip, I was jealous. Unbelievable. We all got there the first night. So me, Raina, Kate and Jenny were all there night one. So they've met. we did a Dewey trip a few years back and they shared a room. And they just, like, found a soulmate in each other on this trip. And then we had this just dinner the four of us at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Cabo and the restaurant there, El Ferryon, was one of the most beautiful romantic places I've ever seen in my life. It was just like we were all just like, how are we here? This is like out of a movie. It feels like Europe for one.

It doesn't even feel like it's in Mexico. And so we got that night of like bonding and seeing the house. And then everybody started to arrive Friday. And I think you would said this. Like that moment when everyone's there, you know, everybody came in like three separate groups. And Jenny and Kate had prepared a welcome performance. And you were part of it.

Sorry, the three of you. It was in the pool. And I couldn't, I can't get in the pool yet. I can't like submerge my body in water just yet. I did it anyways. You went in the hot tub. Hope Dr. Barrett isn't listening.

But we did this thing where basically Raina was in like a red bikini and she was in a heel and she was serving shots to start the performance. and Kate and Jenny, like, choreographed swim performance in the pool. And the first time, so, but I don't know how to say his name. Like, my man. Okay. My lover, my partner. The person who drained all my fluids this weekend.

So it is weird when you start talking about a new person. Yeah. Because it's like years go by and you're like, it's my fucking boyfriend, whatever. It's just like my stinky boyfriend. But like, week one, it's different. I know. So anyway, he showed up first. So we got a performance just the two of us.

And Rina, you had all these shots on a tray and you start walking and they all topple over. We hear like glass breaking. I was like, oh, shit. So you tried to play it off. And everyone's like, do we keep going? So when everyone else came and then we did the group performance, you'd got smaller shot glasses and you nailed it. So Rana passes out all these shots. Everyone's like, what is happening?

Everyone was seated. We set up seating, stadium seating. We'll play the video if you're watching on YouTube. And then Kate and Jenny did this performance in the pool. And I was just like, I can't believe this is real life. I'm gasping for air laughing with all these people that mean so much to me. And that was like just the beginning. And we had the best time.

And we went to Squid Row and got all lit up and had a table there. We went out on a yacht. We had some dinners at the house and breakfast at the house. And we did Bagotel on my actual birthday. And just we're at the pool hanging out. And we're in the hot tub. And we were just like always laughing and bonding. and playing games.

Like, would you rather, you know, Rose and Thorne, all the things. And then between that, having like tons of sex in this beautiful house overlooking a cliff.

It's called Villa Pinyasco. P-E-N-A-S-C-O. It's Villa P-Pan-A-Sco.com is the website. You can run it. It's on Airbnb. And it comes with, like, a staff, and they do meals.

And it's just a dream. I had a friend that did a birthday like this for her 40th a few years back. And I was like, that's like the way to do it. Everybody all together. You know,

you don't want to be like in a hotel. where everyone's kind of separate and the house is the way to go for something like this. This was the best trip of my life every minute. No notes, no feedback. I mean, Ashley planned it, start to finish. I can't say thank you enough. I mean, you really planned it so good because we like went kind of hard the first night and the second day you like right into a boat so people could relax, dinner at home, get up, like go to this beat. You just plan it so great. I always knew you would. But like I know how stressful it was and it really paid off. And I felt like crying a hundred times today. It was so great to wake up with everybody and just be together. And I mean, I know

if you were there, but I'm going to keep talking about it. Whatever is best trip for my life. It was really special. It's nice to have those moments in your life. And I used to dread like big trips like that with big groups and just wonder like, am I going to feel left out? Am I going to be enough of the center of attention? Am I going to try too hard? Am I going to try too hard? Am I going to try to drink? Am I going to not want to drink? And like I used to have a lot of social anxiety about having big group trips. And I just, I just, I cried the whole time. Ashley made these really nice gift bags for everybody when they arrived. I thought that was such a nice touch like you do for weddings. But liquid IV and the Advil and the sunscreen was like

the perfect touch because I really needed those so badly. And the blow gel. And the blow gel. And the blow gel. So everybody got a welcome bag like it was my wedding with like you said, Liquid Ivy Advil, sunscreen, a face mask like to, you know, hydrate and then blow gel and then a card. Do you right me? It's a really special card because I wrote you really special card for your birthday. I brought it. Should you read it? Are you going to read it? What? I don't have to read it. I just think it would be really nice. Okay. Do you guys hear the card? You guys, like, I just... There's a live audience.

Well, I have to say, I've always said this. I'm not a thoughtful gift giver. You're really good at thoughtful gifts. Way ahead of time. You've gotten me, like, custom soup ladle. And you got me... This painting that we have in our studio now, and I just... I'm bad at gifts,

but I bought you your gift like a month before your birthday. And I wrote you this card. I was really excited. I wrote it in my notes app. It's a really special birthday, so I was feeling reflective. Okay, I'm gonna cry reading this. But also, she gave me a card card.

It's just like a piece of notebook paper. Well, I liked it because it came out. my moleskin that I do our work on. You gave me like a funny card from husband to wife, her wife to husband. And then she bought me this backpack that I, every time I'm in the airport, I see this lavender to me backpack. And I have a older black backpack that's just kind of past its prime. And we know I love a backpack. And every time we're in the airport, I'm like, I want that purple one. And you go, just buy it. You have the money. What are you doing? And I was like, I'm not going to buy it now. When I could have ordered it, I could have gone to the

Tomey store. Like, it doesn't matter. I could have bought it for myself. And I just never did. And so I screamed when you gave it to me It was the most perfect gift. Okay. It meant a lot to me because I like really was so excited that I went so far ahead of time to get this. It's really unlike me. Okay.

You guys ready? I can't look at you while you read it. Ashley Joy. I feel particularly reflective about our friendship on this milestone birthday. I'm lucky to have gotten a front row. Why did I do this? This is so stupid.

We can't stop now. We could. We could edit it. I'm lucky to have gotten a front row seat over the last six years as you've grown into the person that you are today. It's amazing. Still to think that an influencer trip I nearly didn't take turned into hundreds of podcast episodes, countless trips and holidays, two businesses, and a cross-country move. I'm inspired by your humor, your brilliance, and your strength in business and in life every day. I hope that you take this time to feel

pride in yourself on this birthday because to know you is to be inspired by you. The life you built all on your own is truly something to admire. I'm constantly grateful to be a part of it. A backpack felt like the perfect metaphor for all the memories and accomplishments we've accumulated together and that you've arrived to on your own. Thank you for being my person. I love you so very much and I can't wait to celebrate you in Cabo. Happy birthday. X-O-Raid. Damn it.

I like read it kind of quickly. I was so busy. It was the day before we left and then I took it to bed with me that night. It's just so special. It's so beautifully written. You don't write a lot. I don't see a lot of like your writing. Yeah, thank you. Well, I was feeling really inspired by your birthday, and it is just crazy to watch.

Like, you're a different person the day I met you. Like, every year you just, you age well. And you just, you look better than you ever have. And I think that our friendship is the best it's ever been. And I'm just like proud of who you are. It's like, this is a real milestone birthday for you. And like, these are the times you look back in your life and you're like, did I do it? Did I accomplish anything? Am I who I want to be? Like, so many people are just like, what am I doing here? And like you really can look at your life and be like, I fucking did so much. And I've become this amazing person. And you should be really proud of yourself.

Thanks. To know you is to be inspired by you. Oh my God. Rina. Stop. Put it on merch. Well, yeah. So I'll just kind of talk about this birthday.

So I turned 40 on July 9th, 2020. And this was something that I honestly had some anxiety surrounding for quite some time, you know, as it became the year of. I'm like, this is something that I'm not looking forward to. I want to be honest about it. And I want to speak sensibly about it because I don't want to offend people who were older. And like, oh, this is this horrible thing because that's not how I feel and we'll get to it. But I think a lot of women feel like this, whether it's turning 40, turning 50, turning 30, which I can't relate to.

I couldn't wait to turn 30. But I mean, I guess if you're someone who was like thought you would have a different life by that age, I understand that. And we all set, you know, not necessarily five year plan, 10 year plan, but we set goals and milestones for ourselves and we kind of think about what we want our life to look like by a certain age. And so I understand that people just feel a certain type of way when these birthdays kind of come up. And I felt like, one, being a woman in entertainment, I think the times have certainly changed for the better. But you can't deny that youth is still valued, you know, when you hear women who are actors or comedians or whatever it is talk about aging and how it's not necessarily

great for your career. It can be, I want to stress that. But there's certainly still ageism and there's certainly still double standards, especially when it comes to. men and women, and especially when you talk about beauty standards and all those types of things. So that was something that was on my mind. And I just feel like I didn't identify with it. I felt like I'm like a woman in my 30s. Like this whole podcast has been in my 30s and your 30s. Like it's just this like part of my identity is like this thriving in your 30s, single thriving in your 30s, building businesses, doing all this stuff, being hot in your 30s, you know, glowing up in your 30s, whatever it is. Like I think of that TikTok, the sound of the TikTok was like,

these girls in their 30s, you know, and I'm just like, that's me. And you're not a girl in your 40s. You know what I mean? You can say girls in their 30s. You don't see girls in their 40s. You're a full-ass woman. And I don't want to be called a girl by any stretch, even though that's the name of our podcast. You know, I would always joke. I'm like, girls got to eat. This was just 40. You know, like I say that jokingly, but I think that that's something that's on my mind. That was just kind of how I felt like I don't identify with this or something, you know? And is it because I'm single? Like, I just did a lot of reflection over honestly the last like six, seven months about this. And I like that people assume I'm younger.

I'm not going to deny it. You know, you guys might be watching or listening and being like, I thought you were 45, whatever. But for the most part, my experience is that people think I'm younger, whether it's in the comedy clubs or it's guys I meet or it's whoever at a party. Like no one really sees that common. And I thought you were like 33, 34, 35. And maybe that makes me shallow or have my own internalized ageism.

and it was something I needed to reflect on, but I liked it. I got off on it. I like the people just assume. I think that a lot of women can feel that way. Someone just assumes you're younger, you're like, that's dope. You know, like, I look great. I mean, I think that it's ridiculous to pretend that these things don't exist in the world. You are in a different category when you're 40. You're marketed to differently. People speak about you differently in business and by beauty standards. And you can feel great about it, but it's crazy to pretend that these things don't exist. Just like it's crazy to pretend that the body positivity movement isn't up against hundreds of years of people saying that having a feral is disgusting. Right. Like it's,

right. All these things can exist at once, but it would be silly to not admit that these things do exist. And I think you've done a lot of self-talk and a lot of work to feel better about this, but to pretend like, I didn't feel anything about this. It's crazy. Right. You want to look at all the women that are 40s. It's like Beyonce is in her 40s. Kim Kardashian's in her 40s. Like I just use those too is an example that like I want to be one of those women that can inspire people to be excited about turning 40 and I mean I know that we had this not great experience with Chelsea handler but I remember Chelsea handler turning 40 on Chelsea lately and I was however many years ago that was and it was like this big to do and I thought she was just so hot and so cool and so

funny and they made this whole episode about it and I would watch Chelsea lately every single night. It made me feel excited and like I want to be like her when I'm that age and I want to celebrate this. And, you know, I remember my mom turning 40. I mean, I was like an eight year old kid, but she like went out to this party and she dressed like an old lady. And she just was having the time of her life. And so I think about different things like that. I think about the letter Beyonce wrote when she turned 40. Like I'm just using these examples. But I also wanted to have a partner. I mean, that was part of it. I'm not going to lie. Like I feel like no one has truly loved genuinely being single more than me. No one has thrive.

No one has hyped it more. You know, this wasn't an act. You know, I have loved it so much. I wouldn't change it for the world, but I felt like as I entered this new era, and even when I said at the beginning of the year on the episode, was this something I really wanted. And I wanted to, like, kind of go into this next phase of life

with a partner and do that. So I think that was like a lot of it. And I just decided to change my mind about it. I've talked to you about it at length. I had this conversation with Kate, like a week prior that really shifted my mindset about it. And my whole personality and brand is like, own who you are and embrace it and celebrate it. And I can't be, not embarrassed, but I'm not going to hide this.

I couldn't if I wanted to, which I don't. But I just was like, I want to be excited about this. And I want to embrace it and have other people be excited about aging. And you know, it is a privilege for us to age. And I want to send that message. And I just kind of had to decide on my own. And yeah, it's literally no different. Like, I remember we were talking to Lake Bell.

and I was telling her, I was feeling some anxiety around it after we wrapped recording with her. She's maybe like 42 or some 43, maybe. I was just telling her, I mean, this was months before it. And I was just like, I'm just not loving it. I'm not looking forward to it. And she was like, it's literally no different. And it's like, of course, I don't feel any different. It's not any different.

But I think you do build it up, whatever it is, whatever age you may be turning. And then it actually is like no big deal. I guess it could be, but it's not, you know. So it's like, I want to talk about it in this way that it is a big deal, but also that it's not in a way, you know? I think that like multiple things can exist at once and you can have anxiety about it and that's good to own that. And I think you can also be excited for the next chapter. And it doesn't have to be a next chapter.

You just grew it day over. Also that too. Yeah. One time somebody said to me like, you know, you girls are getting older and you know, maybe people aren't going to want to like go see these live shows. You acting so raunchy, these girls in their 40s. I'm not in my 40s yet. But I just, I took such offense to it and I really was so angry about it.

But it's just like, I don't care. Anybody can say that. And if you want to say like you're getting older and you're 40 and you can't talk about X, Y, Z, then don't listen to the show or don't come to the live shows. You want to be so bitter about your own life that you're a fucking hater. I don't care. I know. I just don't care.

The show is always going to be called Girls Got to Eat. We will be 65 years old and it will be called Girls Got to Eat and we will be getting stripped on by strippers and I don't fucking care. If you're a hater and you're so uptight that bothers you and go see another stupid show. Go off. Thank you. No, anything like that. You're a mom.

You can't do that. You're this age. You can't do that. You can't wear that. You can't act like this. Says who? The mom thing is really interesting because there's so much mom shaming around like moms going out, moms partying, mom's acting on. It's like, why do I have to just be a mom?

Yeah. I can't be a crazy slut. Yes, you can, sis. I know. And it's funny because I think of like all my mom friends, like my college girlfriend. So when we took that trip at the beginning of the year, that was kind of to celebrate everybody turning 40 for all the exact same age and all of her birthdays run from March to July. I'm the youngest.

And so we just like kind of wanted to celebrate all together. we weren't going to be able to be together for all seven of our birthdays. And I don't know, I'm sure their experience was a little different than mine and just like, yeah, this is another day. I'm sure they had some thoughts and feelings about it. But for me, I think part of it is being someone that's in entertainment, you know, when you're kind of told that like this could change things. But I think that's also false. I hope it is. And I ultimately, like, I just had to decide to be excited about it and celebrate it. And I'm so fucking glad I did. And I just feel like I'd turn the corner really in the 11th hour and was like, I'm so fucking excited. I planned out.

my post caption. I knew what it was going to be. I knew the pictures it was going to be. Like, I couldn't wait. I'm so excited to record this episode. And I just was like, I got everything I wanted, kind of. I was just like, I can't not be so excited about this. Like, it's a real milestone.

And I have never been happier. Like, I've never been happier. I've never felt hotter. And that's the damn truth. My dad can't stop talking about it. I don't bring up your dad one more time. First of all, he didn't text me. He has my number.

I'll let him now. I didn't remember. remind him, to be fair. I have to remind everybody in this family that's everybody else's birth. Seriously. I just, I was a little worried that you weren't going to talk about this. Months ago, I was. That like, maybe you were just going to like let it pass. And one day, you're just going to like bring it up like years later. And who, and that would just be that. And I think this show is so much about being vulnerable with you guys. Like, I don't know another, and not that we're like celebrities, but I don't know another like media entertainment people that

allow you into their lives like this so much. And we're happy to. And we're happy to to do it and this feels like a safe space that you guys allow us to do this but you know it's so much about being vulnerable with you guys you've listened to us through everything through every breakup every heartbreak through when dewey died like everything you guys have been there yeah a lot of surgeries and someday our parents will get sick and someday like we're going to share that with you guys and my parents aren't but some mine i've just decided they're never going to leave me it's fine your debor but so much of this show is just like opening up every wound and letting you guys see it And I'm glad that you did that.

That's so... And bleeding out in front of you. She did not have to say, open up every wound, but she did. I'm proud of you. I know there's some anxiety about it. And I'm just, I'm glad that we got here because it's nice. And it doesn't change anything. And if you think it changes anything, audience and fuck you, we don't want you.

No, I got nothing of positive things. You know, anyone that's listening that's like, okay, well, I'm about to turn this age. whatever and I don't have everything that I want. It's like, well, you have a lot of time to change it. You know, it's still the first half of your life provided you, you know, would live to like the average age. You know, I think that J-Lo turned 50 and was like, this is halftime, bitches. And I just love that. You know, it's never too late, truly to create a life that you're proud of or to fall in love or do whatever it is. So I just want to say that too. I don't want to be out here minimizing someone that's like, yeah, well, I'm fucking turning 40 and I fucking hate my life. it's like, well, another whole half to change it around.

Yeah, there's lots of episodes we talk about manifesting and changing your habits. And I'm not 40, but... I can't say it enough. Just so that you guys know, the rate it turns 40 episode won't be for years. I took it too far. I was like, when am I going to grasp the boundary? Barely can say years, but okay. It is years, though.

But the point is, I think about getting older and, you know, I think about, out like it's game time decision time of like, am I going to freeze my eggs? Do I want to have kids? Do I want to date a partner that wants kids? I've been like really like thinking on that a lot. And I have certainly dated people younger than me over the last few years, quite a bit younger than me, like 10 years younger. And that's really not something that you can do at my age if you want children. I mean, you can do anything you want. But you have to pick different types of partners, I think in your very late 30s if you want to have children. And it just changes to you want to date. So I'm doing a lot of self-reflecting, of course.

and how do people look at me and who do I choose and things like that. So, yeah, I don't not relate to it. Of course, I'm at the end of my 30s. I'm at the end of the road. Not the bitter end. You're not at the buzzer quite yet. Well, yeah, well, thanks for, I'm really proud of you. Everything you've done for me and just being the best friend and the partner and accepting my other partner.

We'll think. I'm talking about Kate. Kate and I are really good friends now. Okay. You can relax on that. It's still my birthday month. So while we're talking about Pussies, I did want to talk about something else on the trip.

Okay. Which was our perennium sunning. And this can also be called tanning your taint. I said the hashtag of the trip should be tan your taint, 20203. And this is a thing. It's been on TikTok. And we had an episode so many years ago with Cosmic. Remember she talked about like getting sunning your pussy and Shailene Woodley

and we've always like talked about it. And I just want to. preface this by saying, talk to your doctor, do your research, on your pussy. I'm just saying I was reading articles and the experts don't necessarily recommend it. But you know what else isn't good for you? Drinking, cocaine, cheeseburgers, everything that you put in your body this month. Cake, Molly. Prina. Molly. I'm like cocaine and you're like cake. We have different hobbies. And it goes about saying that that area down there, your perennium, your tane, whatever you want to call it,

doesn't get sun day to day. So it can burn very easily. But we're not recommending that you do it every day for one or be for an extended period. We're not doctors. I just want to get this out of the way, Raina, because there's stuff flying around about don't do this if you have HPV or this could give you skin cancer. So I want to preface this by saying, live your truth. I'm going to tam my taint.

Yeah, we're going to live our truth. Do you check with your doctor? So I personally want to know what Dr. Andrew Huberman has to say about this because no one talks about staring, staring into the sun like him. You know that he changed his shirt the other day on Instagram? He wears the same shirt every single day. He wears the same button-down black shirt on that sexy body every single day. But he changed his shirt.

But he was like, what I'm going to do is I'm going to stick with cold plunges. It was still a caption about cold plunges. But if you guys don't know Andrew Huberman is, he's a brilliant neuroscientist who we had on the show. And his like number one goal in life is to make sure that you get sun in your eyes in the morning and you do a cold plunge. You wears the same shirt every day. Yes. And we had him on.

and it was an incredible episode. We talked a lot about attachment styles and things like that. But the whole theory is that it just gives you a glow from within and it's good for your chi or some shit. Like it's like an ancient ritual, whatever. And it's like blown up and stuff. We've talked about this on the episode of like wanting to do it,

but like where do you do it? And the perfect place to do it was on Kate's balcony. And we went out there. And the way that I saw you and Kate's full pussy in the air the same time. Well, you guys came out. Kate and I went down there. We're like, we're not going to look each other in the face.

So, like, I really didn't see much of Kate besides her titties. And me too. And her and I were in Happy Baby with our butt holes to the sky, hugging our knees to our chest. And you walked out and had a full view down into our bodies. So I knew you guys were butt naked because you got up there. So basically it was like the pool area. And then the bedrooms were all scattered throughout. I had my own, like, sweet.

No one could hear me. Thank God. And Kate's was kind of up high, her balcony. overlook the pool area. So we're all down in the pool area and you both threw your bathing suits over the balcony. So I knew you were butt ass naked. So I come out and I was just like, oh my god, pussies. Like it was crazy. Like I've seen your pussy, but like not like that, not happy baby. Not like you're about to have sex with me. And then I got a happy baby, but then at one point I was like, okay, now I'm getting like my vagina more, which I did want to feel like son in my vagina. But I was like I do want to get more of my butthole. So I went in to like on all fours kind of a child's pose with my ass and the air. And And at that time, Kate decided to move. So her pussy was to my face. And she was too close. And that's when Jenny walked out.

I was like, what the fuck is happening up here? It was insane. I was like dying. It was truly what the funny. And I was like, I can't. I was like, Kay, can you go? So we're like not like head to head. Pussy to head.

Yeah. That was crazy. You never get to see your friends like that. I mean, there's like, I mean, 60 to 70 people that have seen me like that. They were all having sex with me. So that was crazy. I really saw everything that was insane. We gave little toast later that day on the boat, and Kate said this beautiful thing.

And then you go, I saw Ashley's butthole today. And then you turn to the guy I'm dating. You're like, you probably did too. And he goes, I also saw Ashley's butthole today. And then we're like, cheers. Happy birthday. Everybody saw your bottle. When you said you've also probably seen Ashley's butthole today.

He was like, I haven't. need. Yeah, but he's supposed to see it. I'm not. You and I have reached a whole other level of friendship this trip. That was crazy. I could not be naked enough on this trip. You said it yesterday and it made me laugh so hard. I like got a guttural laugh when you said it. I just, I felt so good about myself. I mean, first of all, I took like 16 days off of drinking post-surgery. I had a glass of wine two different times. So other than that, no alcohol. I mean, it's crazy how you're just not bloated when you don't drink wild. Who knew? And I mean, you guys know, I don't drink that much, but what I really do is that I drink half a bottle of wine every day.

And even, you have a secret light. Ashley is what I do for dinner. It's because I drink a bottle of wine every night. And I, like, pour a glass of wine when I'm, like, tidying up the house. And before I go upstairs, I pour another glass. I'm like, what if I'm upstairs and want more wine? I drink that. And then I'm hungry at 9.30 p.m.

And I start eating a bag of pretzels. And it's a bad cycle. So I haven't done that. So I have probably just lost some bloating and water weight, which is nice. And I am three weeks post-surgery now. And I've just like, I've never felt more beautiful. And I'm glad that you said it earlier because I don't want to send the message that you have to keep getting plastic surgery on your body to feel confident. And I certainly don't feel like that.

And I am a confident person. But after the second surgery, I was left with like a deformed left boob. And I didn't like it. And I don't want it. And so I am glad that I fixed it. And I've just never felt more confident. And I could not stop getting naked. I know.

were just butt naked. Not in front of a bunch of people's husbands and stuff. I was. You were downstairs having sex, but the first night when everybody was there, Jenny and Kate got in the pool with their tits out, and they were like, come in. And I was like, I'm not wearing anything under this. And they were like, come in.

I was like, am I allowed to be naked in front of the husbands? And they were like, yes. And so I just ripped my dress off, just butt naked, pussy out, jumped in the pool. Oh, my God. It feels nice to want to do that because I haven't for so long. Or like my boobs were so big years ago that it looked crazy on me. And I don't know, I feel really happy with my body.

I feel really proud. And I certainly don't want to send the message to keep getting surgeries to feel good about your body. But like I advocated for something that I wanted because I had a bad surgery. And you got one surgery that should have been one and done. Yeah. You know, like you have spoken about this at length. Everyone knows. Like you got a breast reduction and that should have been it.

Crazy. And you went back in to get another one and then this thing happened. And, you know, I honestly, I have to say, say, like, I saw it, but I was like sitting across the room. You showed it to me that one day, and I was like, this feels like not that big a deal. Like, I'm surprised she's doing this. And then I really saw more of a close up photo. And I was like, oh my God, like, that just shouldn't be like that. And it certainly shouldn't be like that after two fucking surgeries. And you found this doctor that we love that felt confident in doing this and being able to correct it. And so you did it. And

no one advocates more for getting plastic surgery if you want to than us. Like, my point is always that you should feel confident before and you shouldn't think that it's going to change your whole outlook on your appearance and your life. I think you can listen back to the episode and you know that I was super confident before I got my nose done and all it did was just, yes, make me more confident, but really just make me happier with my looks and I feel like it made me look younger and we're going to call back to that and just I'm so happy with it, obviously. And yours was your body, not your face. But yeah, I think tweaks here and there are fine. And if it's something that you want to do and spend your money on and then you definitely should when people ask,

me like I've been considering getting a nose job. I'm like, I 100% think you should do it. You know, same with you probably. Like I'm thinking of getting a reduction. You're like, yeah, you should do it. You've been talking to one of our friends about it. And so it's like your three surgery narrative, yeah, that just shouldn't have ever happened. But it did. But I did like myself before. You know, before I bought veneers and hair extensions and new tits, I was always the girl that would march up to the hottest guy in any room and be like, hi, I'm here. You're welcome. You know, I always liked myself. So I am just, I'm happy. be to feel good and to be recovering well. And I feel like this doctor really like handed me back

my life because I really have not wanted to be naked in front of men at all. And I have not felt excited about my body in a really long time. And so much of my identity is like wrapped up in being this really sexual person. And I was like, if I can't offer that to somebody, like, what does that look like in a relationship? Like I can't just like strip down naked and just be like so confident anymore. And it took a piece away from me. Totally. Yeah, I know. It's like I definitely noticed it and have made you not be like so excited to like date and have sex and all those things. And that just shouldn't be like that if it's fixable, you know. And when I go back to surgeries and stuff, I'm like, we do these things to hide our flaws or to fix them or whatever anyway. Sometimes,

you know, someone's going to minimize their rest or they're going to tape them down or you're going to contour your nose and you're going to put all this time and energy into something that if you want to, you could just get permanently fixed. But also you don't have to do that either. I just wanted to always talk about this so carefully because it is the way that we've lived, but I think there's certainly a line and I think that people go too far. Yeah. And like really just want to look like a completely different person, become unrecognizable and really have some like self-loathing and confidence issues and things like that too.

Yeah. So, you know, Ashley and I just want to be a place where we admit those kind of things and we've beaten this horse to death at this point. But, you know, it really upsets me when like you see all these like, for example, like real half-swighs. and they were all so thin. These are women that have nutritionists and personal trainers and great eating habits probably

and they work out all the time and they're so thin right now and it's insane to not just cop to being on a Zempec. And every person does not need to tell you everything they've done to their body. Nobody owes the world anything and just because you're on reality show

or have a podcast, you don't owe anybody information but to come out publicly and say I am not on this. It bothers me and it upsets me that like young women look at these people and think like, well I can attain that and it's like, yeah,

if you want to get a shot that takes your appetite away. And I'm certainly not a doctor. I can't speak to the safety of it. I know nothing about it. But it is upsetting to me to see people just like stand on a mountaintop and insist that they're not on stuff like this. So I like talking about what I've done and what we've done.

And it's important to just let young women know that like all these things do exist. I even look back at photos myself from a couple years sometimes. And I'm like, I was so hot. And then it's like I have to remind myself, I put a filter on that. I have to remind my own self that I didn't look like that. Yeah. I know, totally. Yeah, I just, I think the line and the being like,

you can look like this too with like diet and exercise. It's like that's not the truth. No. You don't have to admit everything, but you can stay mum about it if you don't feel like copying to it. Yeah, I think you just say nothing. And I actually think it's really funny. Some of the housewives I've seen on Bravo just been like,

yeah, I'm on Zempec. Obviously, I'm on Zembek. And it just makes me really laugh because I'm like, that's how it should be. I don't know how healthy it is. I have no idea. I'm not promoting it or not promoting it. Nothing about it medically.

I mean, I've been deep diving. I'm intrigued. Not on a doctor's level. I'm not on a doctor I'm going to take it. I'm, I don't know. I'm fascinated, I guess. My mom is going on one of the alternatives. My mom has symptoms of diabetes. So my mom's in her 70s. So no doctor prescribed it. So she's not doing it for weight loss. But, you know, how my mom turns out. I feel like I have a lot to say, but I don't want to do it right now. About OZemPEC? Yeah, I mean, I'd want to write it out and get it right. But I mean, I have a lot of feelings. We've talked about it. I'm trying to tease you guys on my OZambic opinions. OZemic to me, it's just another. thing that I think people just don't lie about it.

People that are just like, I haven't anything done. It's like, just don't say anything. Yeah, or do a little wink. What do you think? Yeah, can you imagine? I was like, no, I'm just contouring my nose. People see pictures of my old teeth. They're like, you got finneers.

What are you talking about now? Okay, so we can talk about the person that I'm dating. Your lover, your partner. your lover. lover's so funny. That's what Carrie calls big and like sex in the city. Because they're too old. Yeah, because they're too old. I mean, that's the thing. At 40. What are you going to say boyfriend?

I know, but I wouldn't do anything that they would do because it's the worst relationship of all time. Okay. Like, I just need to jump in here. Thank you. And just like that is so awful. The show is so, and I've talked about this on my Instagram, but the show is so fucking bad and it's not bad in a funny way like last season. My favorite tweet of all time about that show is like, this is the cringiest, worst,

most terrible show. I hope but never ends. It was like Evan Ross Katz, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We were at the same way, Blake. We were in customs in Cabo and I made direct eye contact with this guy and I was like, that's Ashley Simpson's husband.

I'm just positive of it. And there she was sitting right next to him with their kid. And I was like, look, and I'm like, what's his name? And I'm like, Ashley, Evan Ross Katz is like coming to mine and you're like, that's not his name. That's somebody else's name. Well, yeah. So Evan Ross is his name though.

Evan Ross, yeah. And everyone has cats is like a blogger. He's just a right. He's a writer. Who is he? He's such a good follow. Writer, podcast host, most valuable hype man in the history of television. That's his quote. No, he's a great follow. But yes, what he wrote last year about and just like that, the way he recapped it was so hilarious. But it's so funny because like, famous people do have a look about them. You know what I mean? Like Ashley Simpson, it was, she was like wrangling her kid. Like she looked a little like undercover. I think she was even like wearing a hat on. Yes. But he was,

I was like, who is that? Like, what famous singer or like person is that? And people think that about us. I really do wonder. No. I think you have the opposite experience in me. They're like, oh, she's just a regular person. Yeah. Anyway, so that was our celebrity for the trip. Okay, anyways, and just like that, I feel so bummed.

It's truly the most cringe show I've ever laid eyes on. I just, I want to talk shit on it with you, but I can't get back into it. I was in the house for two weeks, in the house, bored, and I couldn't do it. I watched old seasons of Vanderpump. The Bachelorette, also, I can't do it this season, but Jared Freed's recapst her. phenomenal this season. I mean, I haven't really been that into The Bachelor in a while. And like, if I watch it, I'm watching it passively and then I'll kind of tune in towards the very end. Yeah. I think she's cute and sweet and like a fun Bachelorette, but I'm just like not quite

into it just yet. And I like watching the recaps for sure and the guy with the earrings and that's all I care about. I actually, listen, I'm going to say it. I do question her taste in the earrings with that guy. He was six. Are you watching? You're watching. What do you think? He's 24? The nurse with the earrings? And the skit. Okay. Tessa. Braden? Braden. What, okay, Tessa, what if some guy wore two earrings that were like oysters hanging from his ear on a date?

Would you be into it? Tessa says now. She gave him the first impression, Rose. I was like, no way. Like, this isn't real. Like, I don't know. It's interesting to me that that's who she's into. It's interesting to me that literally anyone would be into that guy.

And I feel like her brother was trying to be like, don't, girl, don't do it. Her brother with the fake mustache. The brother is. the bartender was so funny. Can you imagine my brother? They'd be like, that's Matt Hustle time. Your brother's too tall to, like, cosplay as somebody else. Okay, I had to go off on that, that tangent, but let's get back. Wait, but I want to do one more content thing. You guys, I read now. And we teased it earlier, but I have crushed Colleen Hoover books this couple weeks. Welcome to the world, Raina. Colleen Hoover ever heard of her?

Raina Greenberg. Couldn't drive a car for like a while for like 10 days. And the first time I drove a car after post-surgery was to go pick up a calling you for book. At Barnes & Noble, I decided I needed like today. So I had started, it ends with us. And I just like, you and I, I don't know, life took over. And so I read that in a day. I went out and got, it starts with us, read that in a day.

And then yesterday I read Verity. And it is one of my top favorite books I've ever read. What? I just like, I don't read a lot of fiction, you guys. My attitude has always been like, I consume a lot of trash television, a lot of reality. and so if I'm going to sit down and take the time to read, I want to like learn something. I want to like learn a thing about the world and have new facts.

But I am starting to see the value and having just experiences and an emotional connection to a book even if it's fiction. Oh my gosh. Well, we did a full thing on Verity when I read it in the summer. I think that was an early September episode. I think I read it in August. I remember being at Matt's house. So it was end of August, early September.

And we talked about how it was so crazy for me to start my Colleen Hoover journey with Verity because it's so wildly different for all her other books. But I just knew you would love it. I'm so glad you did. I want you to do the silent patient next. And you'll see why I recommend that once you, like, get into it because you love the style of verity. I don't think that I said this recently, that I did read November 9th and loved that. Who wrote that? Colleen Hoover. That's what I'm saying. She did. Yeah, I mean, we know when I did, it ends with us and it starts with us, and I was just like lost without them. And I was like, I miss these characters every day. And Bella recommended

November 9th for my next one way back when. And so I did do that. And that was a slow start for me. I was like, I don't know. Some of this, she feels a little much or something, little cheesy. And then I got so into it and I couldn't put it down and was obsessed with it. And the next, I'm looking right now, I bought Ugly Love, which Tess said she didn't love. But we'll see. Okay. So that's the next one I want to read.

And then you said there's a new one out you just got? I think it's called Too Late. I was at the bookstore and I was buying Verity and the girl at the desk was like, she just came out of the new book today. You have to take it too. And I was like, oh, my God. I bought them both. I am going to read The Silent Patient because you told me to read Verity.

first. I mean, Farity is just an easier read. Like, the silent patient took me longer to get through, I guess. Like, I couldn't just skim parts of it. I crushed Verity in six hours. I just, like, never stopped. Oh, okay, speed reader. Is that a lot? I was like wondering if I should tell you that I started like six and I finished at midnight. I took some dinner breaks. Yeah. Okay. I just never put a town. Rayna. That's really good. That's really good. Also, I will say the ending of it ends with us is the hardest. I've cried at the end of a book. I cried even harder. than I cried in The Idea of You. Which one did you cry harder on?

The idea of you, probably the idea of you is the most I ever just laid in bed and convulsed. But still, I was, like, sobbing at all of them. I'm excited to see how the movie turns out for it ends with us. Blake Laively is playing the main character, and there's been, like, a lot of sightings of her in the costumes. And people are upset, and I am too. I think she's an awesome actress, and I loved her on Gossip Girls and my favorite shows of all time. And I just don't like the costumes. I think it's weird what they're doing to the character.

But we'll see. I'm still going to see it. Like she's like that quirky kind of. I am reading a book called Drunk in Love by Jasmine Galore. And the other book that I loved by her was Party of Two. And she's great. She's a romance novelist, I guess, like fictional books and all the protagonists and the main characters. And the books are African American professionals is what I'm reading. It's on this Googling it. So we love to see that. And I haven't read the proposal, but I did do Party of Two. And then now I'm doing on love. Sorry guys. We got there. But that's what I'm reading right now. And I'm into it. Well, I have so much to catch up on. I'm really excited to go buy more books. You guys ask a lot, are there roundups of the stuff that we're reading, stuff that we're watching, and podcasts that we're on? So I did want to mention this. On our Instagram, we do posts all the time and say, I can't recommend it enough, and it has a list of what we're watching or reading. So go to our Instagram, that's where you can find it.

Tessa makes great Instagram posts. And then podcasts that we've been on, it's not on our website, but if you just go to iTunes and you search either Ashley's name or my name, it'll pull up all the episodes that we're associated with. Yeah. So not just girls got to eat, but it will pull Jay Shetty. It will pull like everybody who shows we've guessed it on. So that's a good way to find it if you want to hear us on other shows. Yeah. Most recently, Nick Vial, which was fun.

And then we did Mean Girl Pod out and about and KFC radio. And those were all really great. But Nick Viall was recently, that was great. I love that episode so much. We love him and we have him coming on the show soon as well. So he will be a great like Ask a Guy their Insights kind of episode. His advice is so fantastic. I have really loved his dating advice for quite some time now.

So him and Candice, something to really look forward to you. And we have one of my favorite guests of all time coming back to the show. Nedra Toab. Oh my gosh. Can we get we in Esther? I mean, it's a summer of excitement. And next week, we were returning guests also. That's phenomenal.

Yes. You guys, this summer of guests is so good. An embarrassment of riches. It really is. Best summer ever. 2023. I'm going to Italy soon. Oh, my God.

You guys. Okay. So without further ado, best summer ever. I don't know how we spot. viral this much. But I like a pop culture moment. Okay. Yeah. So I had the guy that I am seeing come on the trip and it was perfect. He met everybody, which I think was bold of him to agree to that, you know, meaning like he'd met you briefly. But, you know, Rob and Kate and Jay and all these people that he didn't know. And so he agreed to come. And it just made the trip feel different for me as opposed to just being like a trip that I was

like single on or didn't have somebody with me. So it just was like a dream. You know, I got to be with all my friends and then be with this guy and have all the sex and just be, you know, so into him. And we did have like a talk about the relationship. And I've absolutely- Rana, hold it together. I mean, obviously it felt like official before that. He's coming on this trip to be with me and all my friends. You know what I mean? He's like flying across the country to go to Mexico to be with me. But we just had more of a, like, defining, we're in a relationship, let's commit to this and, like, plan when we're going to see each other because we're long distance. He lives in the East Coast. I told the matchmaker to stop the presses and put my

account on hold, you know, things like that, where it's like, you know, real deal. I kind of reel it in. I am so excited you're in a long distance relationship because I feel that's been my brand for so long. Okay, me six weeks ago. I'm not getting in a long distance relationship. Narrator, she was, in fact, getting in a long distance relationship. I just, I love a long-distance relationship. I think it makes it really fun. Again, it depends what your goals are. If you don't want to get married and kids tomorrow, why not?

You're somebody that travels, your life lines itself to traveling. His life, he seems like he is down to travel and try new things. So like, why not? You know, you should have to assess what your goals are. And it was a bold move to come on that trip. I mean, you don't do that if you don't want to date somebody. Because, like, it is my peak, like, least favorite social situations in the world or when everybody knows each other on that level.

and I do not know anybody. And I think that it's never as bad as you think it's going to be because people are aware of that and they want to make you feel welcome and they want to ask you questions and bring you into the group. But I will spiral out of control for weeks thinking that I'm going to go to like a party

and everybody knows each other and I don't know anybody. It is the worst social situation I can imagine. So you have to be like really brave to do something like that. This is not like a meek group of people. Yeah, this is a really intense group of people who are all really like,

not all, but a lot of people were really funny, really loud, everyone's super successful, you know, like it could be intimidating to anyone to kind of come into this group and everybody's kind of knows each other already. And he was just like down to do it. And he didn't express any like super anxiety about it. I think he was like, yeah, it's going to be great. And I loved obviously watching him talk to everybody and get to know everybody and just how much he laughed and thought like Kate and Jenny were so funny. I like that he thought all my girlfriends and me included were funny when we were like acting in sane. You know what I mean? Like, you could definitely be with someone that's like, this is a lot.

Like, these are children, you know? And it's just like he thought it was funny. And I also felt like I could just leave him with you guys. And Kate and Marilyn and I went into the ocean, a bag of towel for a while, you know, and he was just in the cabana with all of you guys and without me and it was fine. And it goes out saying that it was fine. I stopped being worried, you know, about that as soon as everyone arrived and just saw him talking to people and getting to know everybody. And it couldn't have gone better. I'm so glad you feel like that. I was saving some questions for you because I wanted to like get the real down.

Well, I'm saying some questions for you. I want to know how you feel. On this podcast live? Oh, you want to talk privately? Yes, Ashley, I haven't been meaning to tell you. I hate him. No, I'm really, I told you, I've really impressed that somebody could put themselves in that situation. I think it's, I can't express this enough for you.

It's my worst nightmare. Right now, you would just, you really want. But I like spiral out of control. Everyone's best friends. And like, am I going to be, I'm so in my head of like, am I asking enough questions? Am I asking too many questions? Am I being funny? Am I being too much? Like, where's the line? And I kick it out of my head. So it's really brave to do it. And I thought that you did a really nice job of balancing, making sure you guys got some solo time

and that you left him to his own devices to talk to people. Because I think back to a trip that I took with us and somebody I was dating and our friends. And like, I didn't know how to balance it. And I felt really protective over him. And it ended up like excluding myself a lot because I wanted to make sure he wasn't ever in like an uncomfortable situation. And I spiral out of control thinking about it. And you know, you want your partner to fit in and get along with people. I thought that you really did a nice job of making sure he felt like he had an anchor

and somebody to like be with all the time, but also like taking a step back and be like, you can fend for yourself a little bit sometimes and you by yourself. And I just, I think it's like so cool that he did that. And he clearly wants to be with you and he's intentional about it. And I think it's just like really nice to see you be treated the way that you should be. And I said like every time I've gone,

in a relationship. I wish I could have told my earlier self, like, all the shit you waited through was for this, you know? And I remember, like, Nick Viall his thing is like, you don't have to find one, you all have to find one, and it's like, when somebody finally treats you really right, you kind of look back at all these, like, shitty experiences you had, everybody that's dated

in the entire world has shitty experiences. It's not unique to you and me, but you're like, okay, it was worth the weight and all those things to find somebody that really treats me nice and enjoys me and loves me. I'll be you guys are in love, I don't know, someday maybe. But I think that also as you get older, it gets easier to just make

really clear decisions of like this person feels right, feels solid, they like me, it's a thing. Like, you guys have not been together physically. I mean, it's actually a lot, but like in the same place, not that many times. I think that like, you talk on the phone, you build this relationship, but you're like, this is my boyfriend now. This is going to be my boyfriend.

And I'm trying to like articulate this better. Like, I mean, it's coming down to like a cliche when you know you know type thing. That's what I mean. As you get older, it's easier to know even. And you can ask less questions. I think you can just like, read the room of like this person has this job that I like or this lifestyle that I like

and I'm impressed by the way they live their lives. This is what their community looks like and it's a fuck yes or a fuck no. I think it gets easier to say fuck yes or fuck now as we get older. Yeah, I totally agree. So it's going really well. I'm so happy. I've never been happier with my life in general. It's not just like this person, I've never been happier. Everything's kind of falling in place and that's the number of things people keep saying to me is you look so happy and you seem so happy. And I will say that he came back to LA and I was like, I have got to get on the Peloton. Like I have got to just beat my body up and work some of this out. I felt like bloated and just like after being a dark day. Work out once in Mexico, you know, besides all the laughing and the

sex. And so I was like, I'm going to go back and do like a 20 minute Peloton. And he just got in the couch with his old and turned on our episode on YouTube. And he was like, I'm going to watch the new girl's got to eat. And I was like, how the fuck is this my life? Like, I was like, how is this guy that I'm so into on the couch with Azul just watching the episode I'm just like this is surreal. But then I felt uncomfortable when I started talking about

not getting pregnant and stuff. I was like, okay, just can you fast forward to the Esther interview? I'm starting to feel weird that I'm talking about you and you're watching it in my home. Okay. I wanted to say one thing also that

I have a story about the DMV and me and my California license and I'm going to share it next week. You know, this is not the time. No, I'm just kidding. I just wanted to. I've told a lot, I've spoken a lot, I'm going to save it until next week. So I just post on Instagram that I did get my license and I'm going to share the story

so I don't want to blueball people. I said I'm going to share it on the podcast, so I am going to do that next week. Okay. Okay. Well, we really missed you guys last week. Yeah. And as much as I enjoy taking a week off, we miss you guys when we do. And we have really fun summer of guests.

And we have a lot of fun travel coming up and crazy stories to share. And I just want to say, like, one more thing about our audience. because, you know, I haven't gotten sappy about you guys in a couple weeks, but I was asking for Rex in Italy, and somebody sent me this list of Rex, and then she said, just as a side note, I just want to thank you guys. You've really, like, changed my life,

and you've given me all this confidence in my relationship, but most importantly myself, she wrote a really beautiful message, and I just thought, like, how lucky are we that we have this community of people around us, that, like, I just wanted, like, a pizza place to eat at, and it resulted in somebody telling us that we've really helped their life in a certain way,

and it's never not an honor to, like, be able to share our lives with you guys, and know that it affects anybody in this world. So thank you. Absolutely. And the things that you share with us are really personal and you really value our advice. And we hope that we help and don't hurt

and want to treat every sensitive topic with a lot of care and things like that. But I did get this DM. And I just found this very interesting as a topic. I read this to you guys in Cabo because I was like, I think this is like a fascinating topic. So this listener DMed me. She said, first of all,

I love you all. I've been listening and watching since I was 20. I feel like you're my big sisters because I'm a big sister and I've always wanted one. Oh, that's so cute. Anyway, I'm in a bit of a predicament. I am dating two guys and one I am really into and the sexual tension is off the charts and we have gone out a couple times and it always ends up with I want to jump his bones. I'm so sexually attached to him. The second guy, I'm very much emotionally attracted to him and love talking to him. We talk every day, but the sexual attraction is not there. I'm asking, would I rather go with the guy that I'm sexually or emotionally attracted to? I love you and Raina and you've been the best, not only on Monday, but every day. And I just wanted some more

information. I wrote her back because I was intrigued. And I said, I understand your predicament. Have you done anything physical with the second guy? Like, have you guys even kissed? Like, do you just think you don't want to fuck him? Or are you totally feeling like just friend vibes towards him, you know? Or you're just not attracted to him at all? And I said, in the first guy, the guy that she's sexually attracted to, do you feel any emotional connection at all or just sex? And she wrote me back. And I think she just wanted to update me on what's going on. But I still have more questions. But we can also just discuss this as a larger topic and not just this woman's experience.

But she said she went on a couple more dates with the guy that she didn't have the sexual chemistry with. And now she just thinks he's the best. And she's making him a home-cooked meal on Monday. And she thinks he's just like so cute and funny and everything. So I didn't want to press her. I don't want to be like, did you fuck? But it sounds to me like she made her choice.

And I just think this is really interesting. Also, you can date two people. You know, she's young, she's in her young 20s. So, I mean, she's under 25, you know, whatever. So you can just date around, for one. You don't always have to pick. Right. But I find this interesting.

Yes. So a couple of things, I think it depends what your goals are, right? If you're like, I got time. I got all the time in the world, then date around, date two people. Like, I think that it's hard to deny that sexual chemistry, like, I'm going to lean into it. I'm going to fuck that guy. But sexual chemistry is fleeting. and I think that when you find somebody

that really understands you emotionally, it is really meaningful and intoxicating and you want to lean into it because you're like, this person gets me, they know me. And I do think that sexual chemistry can build with somebody as you communicate what you want.

And when I think about all the people that I had like less than average sexual experience with in the beginning that got better, I mean, of course, tons of people. They just learn you. Yeah. If somebody just isn't a sexual person at all,

that's a different story. But, you know, I think it's rare to find an emotional connection with somebody. And I think it's important to lean into that because that is what will ultimately sustain you. And that's the difference between somebody you're casually dating and a partnership. Like, who do I want to go into battle with? Is it the guy that like chokes me really well and spits in my mouth, which I enjoy? But do I want to talk to that person on the worst days? Is that person going to take bad situations and give me good advice and be an actual partner to me? Maybe not.

Right. I've been thinking about this a lot and I'll just speak on like all of my dating experiences. sex can just like get so much better with somebody. Like the people that I've really fallen for and I would say had the best sex with, it was not the best sex the first time. My number one rule is never ever base what you think sex is going to be like with somebody based on the first time when they don't know what you're into, your nerves are involved. Like someone could be so into you. They're super nervous.

You could feel the same way. Like you're not your full self. And I've had amazing one night stands with terrible people. You know, like, I think of a guy I had sex with like earlier in the year, like just crazy, like an animal. He was just like kind of knew exactly what I wanted because I'm kind of like what a lot of girls probably want. And he just kind of threw me around.

He was doing all this dirty stuff. He's probably bad guy. Well, the people I've had really bad sexual experiences with, when I say bad, I'd mean like, quote unquote bad. Like it was maybe a little boring or tepid or a lot of times they like can't keep it up or they can't get it up in the beginning, which is so common because I think they really liked me. This has been like a pattern for me a lot throughout my life. Like I was in a very serious long-term relationship with somebody who couldn't keep it up the first six times we had sex.

And I remember saying to like when I best friends like, I don't think I can be with this guy. Like everything is perfect. He's amazing, wonderful, kind, so fun. But like he can't, he can't keep it up. But like when we talked about it, he was like, I like you so much. It makes me nervous. And we just like worked through it where I think he just like stopped being so intimidated by me. Yeah. We hear the stories from Guy friends. We hear this constantly. And I think that there's obviously that you can take for that too. But like a lot of times you just have to work through it emotionally and everything is systems go. Yeah. And I can say yes, there could be a person that is not good in bed with you or in life and it could always be the case. Like they're not going to get any better. They're not going to

do the things you want. They're not going to talk dirty to you if that's what you're into. They're not going to dick you down like you want to be. And that could just be like that forever. But people can change where they're like literally a different person in the bedroom. You know, once they feel comfortable, once they know what you want. I mean, I've had it happen, and I even think of an ex of mine. And we really liked each other. The first time we had sex, it was like, bad. Like, bad.

Not just mediocre. Real bad. And when I say that the next weekend, we knocked it out of the park. You know, like one week later, he was like a different person in the bedroom. And I just want to spread that message because if you have a person that you like and that just sex is bad the first night, like really don't discount. them. Unless there's something like insane.

I don't know. But like my last boyfriend, we talked, we long distance. We talked on the phone and via Instagram and stuff for like a month. And I was like, I just like this guy so much

and I flew out to L.A. to be with him. And it felt so exciting. So I was like I like this guy. I feel like we're going to be together. And the first time we had sex was, it was like a movie where you're both like laying on your back steering at the scene like no one come look at each other.

Yes. It was just like, this is so bad. I was like, I can't even look at him. And then we fucked three more times. Yes. It was incredible. It's the best sex ever.

It just does get better. I will say with these two things, it depends how great the deficit is. If the sex is great with somebody there's no emotional connection, I'm out. I'll fuck you, but that's it.

If I have an emotional connection with somebody that they are just not a sexual person at all, the deficit might be too great for me as well. Yeah. I've been in situations. I have these two guys that kind of ping pong back and forth with. One was like so deeply emotional

and I really loved it. And then the other guy was a little less like that but had like a much more full life. that I really enjoy. And I liked being a part of his, like, community and his world. But both of them had such strong deficits. I picked neither of you instead. Yeah.

I mean, I just think it's an interesting topic to discuss. I don't know all the ends announced at this relationship, but I think that what I'm hearing is that she decided to take a chance on guy number two. And now, like, she's viewing him in a different light. Like, what I'm picking up from her words is, like, I think he's so fucking hot now. And he's so funny and he's so great. I'm going to cook him dinner. You know, like that.

really happens. It happens all the time. I think so do. I think your sexual connection can build. If I have no emotional connection with a person, the odds that that's going to build are pretty slim. And I'll say, the chance that you have like just this amazing sex with someone that you really don't have that emotional connection with, whether it be like a one night stand or someone you're not that into, it's just kind of like a coincidence. It does happen. It's happened to me plenty of times, but they probably just have sex a lot. They probably just know what they're doing and can really do all these moves and you're like, damn, but like, is that really what you want? Some guy that, like, just right out of the game.

Sometimes, yeah. That sounds really hot. If you can find both, get both. Yeah. But you're probably, chances are, and not always, you'll probably be able to have the guy who you feel like you're not as good with insects just get better as opposed to the guy that, like, can throw you around the room, but, like, leaves you on red every other day. he's probably not going to change for the better.

The guy that I talked in Australia and we're on our trip was like one of the wildest most crazy significant sexual experiences I ever had but I didn't particularly like talking to him. No. We were at a bar and he was talking to me about like spirituality and his faith and stuff and I was like can we please go home? And like we started making out and he was like do you want to leave this bar

and I was like now I want to leave now and that guy fucked me like there was no tomorrow. But like if I had to go back to going on just like day to day dates with him no. The guy that I was mentioning that had such good stuff sex with on a one-night stand. We got in a fight. If you've been at the shows recently, you know that we got in a full-blown fight about politics. I want nothing to do with him. I told him to his face. I never want to see you again. Thanks for the sex.

Okay. Yes, one more time. But yes. What did I do? Never saw him again. Never saw him again. I got a bad person. And I'm thinking of another guy from like, couple of years ago where the sex was so good. I think he's a bad person. Lied about something insane. Insane. Maybe the worst thing you can lie about. Bad person. Imagine what one of the worst things you can lie about.

It's that. Yeah. So anyway, I'm glad we got to answer that and we kind of just like doing these emails and DMs and questions that you guys have. And we appreciate you as always. Oh, we also have some really fun vibes and only staff. We're launching some new toys early this fall. So we have a great

line of products for you guys. Get those Pena Colada blow gals and the orange creamsicle, summer flavors. We have new flavors coming, new toys that I've been fucking myself with. And you might have caught one on my Instagram story when I was at the airport the other day, but we're very excited for some new stuff. Yes, we can't wait. So vibes only.com. You can hit vibes only.com to shop and vibes only on Instagram.

And of course, Girls Got to Eat.com. Girls Got to Eat Podcast. We are on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is Raina. And get those tickets for EatsCon. at what, eatscon.com. Eats with a lot of ease.

Yes. Eatscon.com slash Chicago. Yes, and we'll see you there in August. And then we will see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.