Girls Gotta Eat - Always a Bridesmaid

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Raise a glass...it's our WEDDING EPISODE! We're discussing survival skills for being single (and/or broke) during wedding season, wedding planning tips so your guests don't hate you, overall etiquette, bridezilla behavior, bridesmaid woes, eloping, and even tips for canceling the whole thing! We also share our proudest wedding walk-of-shame stories. Cheers, we hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast and check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: OkCupid: Download the free OkCupid dating app today. Poshmark: Get $5 off your first purchase at Poshmark.com, invite code GGE5. BioClarity: Get 40% off skincare routines + 15% off everything at BioClarity.com when you use code GGE at checkout. Lola: To get 25% off subscriptions, go to MyLola.com and enter GGE25 when you subscribe. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because I think brides, maybe they get in their head. They're like, Ashley, so slutty. Like, I don't want to bring in some random dude. I never did, bitch. And I was a slut. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Happy wedding season. Happy Monday.

Ew. Monday. Monday. Am I right? Rise and grind. Melanie, every Monday morning, starts sending me, like, time to hustle text messages. Hashtag rise and grind.

Put your hair, bit a bun and get it done, sister. It's just us today, guys. Just us. I'm excited. Just like cut up and make jokes with you. Oh, I mean, some of you are going to hate this episode. Let's be real. It's going to be triggering to some.

Entertaining to all, hopefully, in some way. Guys, don't get mad at us. There's more important things in the world than writing us an email about this stuff. Okay, but, okay, I need to address this up top. We did get a few quote unquote complaints about last week's money episode that we didn't say money the right way. So what I'd like to do at this moment is do a little role playing segment. Since this is a wedding episode, spoiler alert, we're going to roll play.

You're going to be my dad. Okay. Dad, I'm engaged. I need to plan a wedding. Yay, that's exciting. Can I have some money? What do you mean? You don't have any money?

Oh, I feel like I just scratched like the biggest itch in the entire world. Thank God you did that. We got so many messages. We did what. I just thought we, maybe we did it before we started recording. We probably said it a million times. Like, we say this still, you and I, to each other all of a time. You don't have any money. Can I have some money? What do you mean you don't have any money? Like, can I have some money? Sorry, guys. Also, this is the first money episode we did. Was it called Momony of Problems, I think? Yeah. And those phrases don't even go together. They're talking about when like women don't make

money. It's just those, when you say them together, they sound really crazy, but they were about two separate links. But anyway, if you don't know what we're talking about, go. welcome, listen. It is not that extreme. I don't say it like that. It is extreme. I hear it in my mind. You just, you have these inflections that you hit so hard. And I just, I hear it in my mind all the time. You just say things very funny. You're welcome. You love or you hate me. For sure. I'm sure you'll go on iTunes and write about it. Speaking of things people say about us on iTunes, I just wanted to take this time to talk about our stupid live shows. What? Someone wrote, all they do is talk about their stupid live. I can't from here and out.

This is going to be like the croissant, stupid live shows. So guys, remember our stupid live shows are sold out in Philly and in San Francisco, well, we still have stupid live show tickets available in Seattle and Portland. Please come to our stupid live shows. They're really fucking stupid. They're so, please come and support us. Look, I'll take feedback about pretty much anything ever, but this is amazing. All this stupid live show.

It made me laugh out loud. Like, that person hates us for whatever. stupid live shows, this thing that we're so proud of that we built, that's our career. Stupid. Also, I think that we talk about it because we love that the audience is so great. And it's our, it's our life. All they do is talk about their stupid live shows and their stupid lives. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that this podcast is about us. They're stupid live. So anyway, guys, for tickets to our stupid live shows, go to Girls Got to Eat Podcast.com. And we have more stupid live show announcements coming soon.

Oh, my God. I can't wait for this whole stupid summer. We've so many stupid shows. The biggest stupidest show that we've ever done is in July. It's going to be so stupid. But in a good way. Like this person wasn't saying stupid good. They were like, you're fucking dumb. I hate you.

I love it. Sorry, I've been saving that up. But I wanted to plug our stupid live shows for you. That's okay. I would be enjoyed it. Every week I tell somebody the story about somebody wrote on iTunes that Raina is so fucking stupid and Ashley should fire her.

Another one I noticed. We really don't read them because they're so stupid. But another one was like, I can't listen to Ashley laugh at anymore for own jokes anymore. I was like, for the adult. That was the hardest I've laughed. That was the funniest joke I've ever laughed at. Anyways, a couple of quick announcements.

We've gotten a lot of emails about Patreon lately. We do not currently have the Patreon account. It just became a little unmanageable with our stupid live shows to keep up with the Patreon. And honestly, I mean, all of our content is free, you know? So we don't want to, we don't want our content to be behind a paywall. For the time being, we just can't produce anymore. Yeah. And we want to.

Like, we're still, we're doing what we can. we play on the stupid live shows. Yeah. I'm excited for this week. We've three, this will come out Monday. So we will have done a show Sunday night, three shows in Philly.

Oh, right. I'm really excited for three nights in a city. We've never done three nights in a row in one city. Right. So tonight, if you're listening on the Monday, last night we had a show in Philly. Tonight we have a show in Philly.

Tomorrow we have a show in Philly. Tonight is my night when my family and my brother, World Famous Matt Hustleine, and all those people are coming. All them. You're going to roast me so hard in front of one person in particular. I really am.

I'm really excited. excited. I just love when our families come. I think it just adds so much because people are like, I can't believe, are they going to do this in front of their dads? I know. Like it just adds so much to the whole show, to the stupid live show. I can't stop saying it. I can't believe my stupid dad's coming. My stupid fucking family. I was really, really touched by all the emails and the DMs we got this week about last week's episode, about the money episode. I just love everybody so much. You guys wrote the most incredible emails. We've gotten a couple recently that really hurt my feelings.

I'd like to clarify a little misconception that's been going around. So many DMs start with. I know Raina will never read this. You know, this is for both of you, but I know Raina doesn't care. I would like to just take a knee for a second. I think that like in very early episodes, I definitely was like, I don't want DM.

Listen, guy, I'm the person that responds to all this stuff. Ashley edits the podcast. She does a lot of work for this business. But like, my thing is I write you all back and say thank you. Sometimes if it appeals to me specifically, if it's about dogs or fitness, you will get a response for me usually. Or Philly or Gritty or one of those things. But I pick and choose.

But Raina, damn, you cleared 200 the other day. I was so impressed. I clear all of them. Every single week, I make sure I go and like all of your story mentions. Like, I wake up in the morning. It takes me hours. So, like, I love your DMs and your messages. I respond to all of them unless you get one at 2 o'clock in the morning.

It's definitely Ashley. Oh, yeah. If it's after 12.30 a.m., it's me. Yeah, because I usually shut it down to like watch porn. go to sleep at least by 11.30. I texted Ashley last night at like 11.22. I was like, all right, I'm going to turn some porn on. You text me at 1123 and I should never read it.

I know I texted you with a really aggressive all-caps thing about this dude and no response. You go, fuck it, I'm going to do this. Don't try to stop me and I just never responded to you. I knew you were already done for the night. It's fine. I'd had some wine. You're right. It's time to masturbate. Okay.

This is a wedding episode, guys. I'm so excited. So excited. We asked you guys for your questions. We've been doing this a lot lately, and I think the episodes have been really great because we've been doing this. Just asking you guys what your questions

that you want to talk about. So we're going to cover both. We're going to cover the weddings from the brides point of view and the guests and the bridesmaids. So we're going to get to all. We're going to talk shit on all of you. I personally won't be addressing weddings from the bride's point of view,

but I'll leave that to you. But I can speak on being a wedding guest, being a bridesmaid and just being a general observer. A general of life. of life and marriage. I will also talk to you about planning your wedding and then canceling your wedding. Sure, sure.

As soon as your man leaves you. Tons of advice. The day after the engagement part, to be specific. Tons of advice for how to cancel a wedding. If you guys need that advice. That's the sole episode's about that. I bring it up here, I'm like, no, it's not too soon.

We can laugh about it. I feel like a good, the strong title would be how to cancel your wedding that everybody would click on. I'd listen. I'd be stone cold single. Don't have a boyfriend. I'd listen to that.

I got to know. I just, Ashley and I were like, okay, what is, let's have a wedding episode, but like let's have some hot takes here. Let's not just be like the same thing everybody always says about wedding. Like, oh, being a bridesmaid. Like, let's actually have some. Yeah.

So I think hot takes are how to cancel your wedding. Yes, exactly. Yeah, that's all I have to say. I think we're going to kick off the episode. We want to start with some personal stories. I want to hear about your wedding being canceled. I'm kidding. I want to hear about your best, like, sluttiest wedding, hookup, walk of shame, whatever.

It's my favorite walk of shame story. Even more than the loincloth of Halloween, stilettos. So much worse. Because it involves family. Yes. It's the worst walk of shame. The other one did too. It's the thing with you.

You really like to flaunt it in front of your family. This one involves my whole family, both of my dad's. Everyone. Mom. And it wasn't her wedding, so we're clear. Everybody was there, but it wasn't your wedding. Just to be clear, it was a walk of shame story. Not my wedding.

I love how hard you're laughing I just love it I love to roach my friends how I show love. It's my love language. I don't care. Okay, it's my favorite walk of shame story. I've never told it on the podcast.

I just love the story so much. So at my brother's wedding. At my brother's wedding, I mean, whatever, we started drinking at 9 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, when your little brother gets married before you, you start drinking early. You start drinking early.

Oh, I felt fine. You know, when you're, already as famous as I am, you go to a wedding, like, you're really the star of the wedding? I'm just, I'm kidding. But people like, that's a very funny thing when a woman, when her like younger brother gets, or younger sister gets married before, it's just like funny to joke about. Because you're like, I'm just going to kill myself. When you're getting ready, when you're getting ready, my sister-in-law's sister sits down

next to me and we're getting ready, we're getting her head in. She goes, this must be really hard for you. And I was like, bitch, you're single too. This must be hard for you. I feel great. I feel wonderful. Felt fine. I looked beautiful. You looked so good. I did. I really worked

that dress. Okay, so we start drinking at 9 o'clock in the morning. Obviously, like what I was not until like 7. So I'm fucked up by like 1 o'clock in the morning. I went home with one my brother's friends. Nice. Who I've always kind of wanted to hook up with. Yeah. Now's our time. He's like an adult now. Yeah. What was he before?

I might have gone to like his kindergarten graduation, all of his little league games, all of his football games, his high school graduation. He was at our house for all holidays. Oh my God. You babysat him? 100%. Now he's a man. So he was a former client.

Now he's a man. He's a lot of client. So I went home with this guy. We hooked up. It is the most alcohol I've like ever drank. It's a different kind of hangover, like an 18 hour alcohol hangover. And so the next morning on Sunday, my mom is a big believer. And like you have to entertain people all weekend.

I'm just like out of town. So Sunday my mom had this giant brunch in like the hotel hospitality suite. And it was like our entire family, obviously. and I mean everybody, whatever. So I get to the, okay, so I wake up in the morning and I don't have my luggage. I slept at this guy's place. And my luggage is at the hotel

in the hospitality suite room where everybody is. And I am in a bridesmaid dress. Yeah. So I roll into the hotel in the morning of my brother's like Sunday brunch in my bridesmaid dress. I roll up with my brother's like childhood friend in the car.

Oh my God. other friends see me in the car with this kid. I'm like, nobody can you ever fucking say anything? Yeah. I call my stepdad and I'm like, can you bring me my suitcase to the lobby? So I go into the lot. He, like, meet my stepdad in a bridesmaid dress. He knows I'm freshly fucked.

Yeah. And like, he gives me my suitcase. I go change in the bathroom. I'm like, thank God. Like, nobody's going to notice. I'm just going to change and go upstairs. I go upstairs and I'm like very hungover, but I'm like in other clothing. And my brother's friend looks at me in front of my entire family and like announces that I hooked up with that guy last night. He's like, oh, I saw you guys like together.

Oh my God. In front of the whole room. My dad, my stepdad, my mom, everybody. My sister-in-law, everybody looks beautiful. They're all put together. And I, I'm the single sister at the wedding who's just hooked up with my brother's friend. Yeah. I feel like that's what you were supposed to do.

You're born to do it. I feel like. Oh, my God. A full-blown announcement. Someone gives a toast. Glasses start clinging. I feel like Kristen Stewart would play me in a movie about this. Yeah.

Right? She just roll in. Oh my God. It was so embarrassing. But yeah, that's my worst walk of shame story. It involves my whole family. It's really strong. And my brother's four-year-s younger than me. Great. Before May. And I just love it because I've seen that bridesmaid's dress. It's a bridesmaid's dress. It's not like you could have worn it to anything but the wedding. Nothing else. 100%. That's a really good point. It's 100% of bridesmaid dress. I'm like rolling in Sunday morning at 9 a.m. and heels. I have all my extension still in my hair. Yes. You're fairly black raccoon eyes. Giant heels. 9 a.m.m. Sunday morning. I have to like look my stepdad in the face.

Oh my God. While he gives me my suitcase, because he knows I slept. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was so humiliating. Anyways, that's my favorite. No chip was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I can see it. tucked into some cargo shorts. Every time you see him, he's wearing something. Neon. Yes. He wears statement pieces. That's for sure. Which is so weird because he's wearing tachies and like mute colored polos my whole life. And the two times you've been around him, he's wearing the loudest shirts of all time ever. He has to talk. Chip. He's such a stepdad. He's my favorite stepdad. Anyways, that's my truth. I don't have any, like, I mean, I've, I was the single friend,

and we're about to get into this, too, being single during wedding season. I was a single friend for so many weddings. I fucked up with so many. I would get so wasted at the rehearsal dinners, because I feel like that's when, like, the wines flowing and everything. Like, I don't know. I just have been so drunk at so many rehearsal dinners. gone home with people like in random cities. I think in Charlotte. One of my friends got married in Charlotte. I remember going home with a guy,

rolling in the next morning, whatever. But I think one of my funniest ones was a friend of mine got married, and this is in Atlanta. And I just got, again, so drunk at the rehearsal dinner. And also, this is on our very second episode. This episode we talked about getting ghosted. Remember Bloodyfoot? I told this story where this guy, like,

he hooked up and then he left a trail of blood, leading out in my apartment. I never heard from it again. That's a funny story. second or third episode. When I ran into him, it was the night of this rehearsal in dinner.

So that's kind of how it started. We had this rehearsal on here in Atlanta. We end up at front page news for you guys at live in Atlanta at this bar. I run into Bloody Foot. I'm so lit. But that's not who I ended up poking up with. I brought this guy home.

I was in the bridal party. I was a bridesmaid. He was just a friend of like her brother, I think, brought him home with me. Just so, so blacked out. We definitely had sex.

Like, I don't know. And I just, I think a friend was supposed to stay with me because she lived far out in the suburbs. I never answered my door. I don't know where she slept. It was a whole thing. And so I just like,

I had to be in hair and makeup at 9 a.m. That's crazy. It was a very large bridal party's makeup hair started. Pictures were early. Whatever reason 9 a.m. was like my time slot. So that means I'm waking up at 7. I don't know. Had to wake up at 7 o'clock.

Still had to, I was staying the night at the hotel where the wedding was. Still had to take Dewey to the daycare. I woke up with this dude like, who are you? And I remember walking Dewey. I was so still wasted walking him around my neighborhood in Inman Park in Atlanta in my like nighty. No underwear, teeny tiny little nighty,

just like nipples out, sheer, didn't give a fuck. I remember stumbling around the neighborhood with Dewey. Like, I can't believe I have to be in a wedding today. I'm dying. So this guy gets in my car. My car used to be so messy. I don't know how I used to live like this. My car would look like I lived in it.

It was like a hoarder car edition. It was so gross all the time. I don't know. I don't know this about you. This is really. I just, it was a few years. I outgrew it. my car, like, I didn't keep it spick and span,

but I didn't have a bunch of shit in it after that. This was just like me. I was like 25. It's just a disaster. We get in the car. The guy's like, oh, there's a lot of shit in this car. And so I was like,

we got to go to this dog daycare. This guy's, this stranger was with me in the car. We'd go to the dog daycare, drop Dewey off and then go to the hotel. And I just remember him reaching behind him because there was so much shit in my car and he just put a sombrero on.

And we walked into the Lowe's hotel. Me and this dude, I don't know what I look like. He's wearing a sombrero. I think her parents were in the lobby. You know, like, everybody's just always around. Uh-huh. There's just, like, parents everywhere.

Everywhere you go, there's a parent. And he's this in this umbrella. And I'm just like, I can't, I can't believe this is happening. And I just have to, like, go up to hair and makeup. And everybody was, like, a little judgey. Really? Like, as in, like, you look like dog shit. And we heard you hooked up with whatever his name is.

Everybody always knows. Isn't that crazy? You hung up with somebody, like, the rumors that fly at weddings. Like, it is the wedding I went to last June, And somebody whose wife, I barely knew, runs up to me and is like, I heard you in Robin's text last name. I was like, I'm sorry, what? It's so crazy.

You're right. Like, I don't even know you. It's like a group text starts early in the morning. And he was like a family. He was like a close family friend. So I was like, it's 9 a.m. How does everyone know this already? Like, I'm going to say his name is like Bill.

That rhymes with this name. Everyone's like, I heard you hooked with Bill last night. And I just feel like it's so like you think you're. What rhymes with Bill? Dale? What the fuck? So. This is the part of people like she is stupid.

Ashley should fire her. Dill. I like Dill. Corey hooked up with a guy named Dill. My dad's name is Bill. And like William didn't even occur to me. So I just feel like when you're wasted, you're blacked out, you think you're slinking out of a bar.

You are not. You are stumbling out. You're probably falling into the street. You've gotten to the wrong Uber. Like everything's a mess. And you think you're being so like undercutter cover. So sneaky. Right.

We saw you guys making out on the street. Your skirt was above your waist. Like, and then you got into a taxi cab together. Like, yeah, we know you fucked. And I'm just like, how could you guess? You know, like, it's so. You are so right. You always think you're being sneaky.

You're not. You're being extra. Oh, my God. You are so right. That's what happened to me at this wedding. I thought that we were being like really demure. He had me pushed up against a wall in the lobby of the hotel. Just like dry humping, standing up in the middle of the lobby in front of a hundred.

people. Exactly. You're so right. So, yeah. It's like when I got arrested and I thought that I was peeing in the woods, but I literally was just in a tree in the middle of a field. I thought I was being so sneaky. That's the thing.

You're obviously, no one will see me. It's like, you're pissing in Union Square, ma'am. Yeah. We're going to arrest you now. This is not a private property. Oh my God. It's so funny. So, yeah, I mean, yeah, I've had a lot of, like, slutty wedding times.

I think that's, like, going to just transition us perfectly. into the first thing we want to discuss, which is being single during wedding season or whatever. I just like I've gone to weddings all year round. I've never been like a full-blown winter wedding, but I've been a lot of fall weddings, two fall weddings this year. Like I don't,

technically wedding season is spring and summer, but I've always just been, I've gotten probably more fall weddings. I don't know why I'm talking about this. Bottom line is. I like me, yeah, you really like, you really like committed to explain to people what wedding season is. Sorry, guys.

I really just like single girl sprained wedding season. Everyone's like, shut the fuck up, Ashley. We know how weddings work. We know how weddings work. I don't know why I went down that road. Like a full-blown winter one? I don't know. I'm not sure.

But you could have one in the winter. It's possible. But there's one to the fall, too. Okay. But I will say this. There's a specific weekend. Three of my best girlfriends get married the same exact weekend three years in a row.

In 2015, 16, and 17, it was... Labor Day? No, of November. So it's like, I've mostly gone to like November weddings. And so that's when we were like, I'm going to get married that time. Oh, I also want just going to give this really quick update on my life. before we get into this topic.

I feel like I just want to clear something up. Well, we started this podcast. I was like wanting to get married. I was wanting to remember we're like, Ash is going to get engaged this year. I was all like, and then I said it. I was not,

I was half joking, but I was really wanting to be in a relationship. I was really wanting to find somebody. I was really kind of like, yeah, I'm ready to get married. And I'm not anymore. And I don't care about getting married. And I don't even really care about being in a relationship.

So I just want to let everybody know that my stance is completely changed. My life is totally fulfilled. I'm so happy. I don't. even the care if I have a wedding. Why? It's so funny. Like, it kind of hit me, like, when we started doing all these stupid live shows,

I don't, I don't know. I realize a lot of the women I look up to are married. I've always looked up to Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman. I was watching something that was Diane Keaton was on. I think Ellen, she's never been married. Like, I just was like, I don't care like I used to. I find a lot of things kind of, I don't want to upset anybody. I find a lot of things silly about weddings and just marriage in general and outdated

and kind of my stance has changed over the course of this podcast. And I'd be like day one, episode one. I was like, Ashley's getting engaged this year. I was like, I don't give a fuck. I think that the nice thing about our show, hopefully that people take from it is like live your life and do whatever you want. If you have dreamed since five years old, all you want to do is be a wife and a mother,

then you should have those things. And like, if you don't want to get married and everybody around you with heckling you, like, which will have an episode about this in a couple weeks, like to get married and get engaged, like, and you don't watch you, then don't do that. Right. You know, like live your life, do whatever the fuck you want. Right. And I'm not judging anybody. Like, my, I have two weddings back to back. Rob's getting married. My cousin Lindsay's getting married in October. And like, I'm super happy for them. And I think it's wonderful.

There's zero judgment. Like, I'm not like, oh my God, marriage and weddings are stupid. I just have personally felt recently like, I don't care about this like I once did. And I don't care about, like, aging and being single. And I just don't, I don't know. I don't know. It's not everyone's path. All right. I mean, I would like to get laid more. I mean, who wouldn't? But I don't care. It's like, I've, like, abandoned it. I sometimes even, whatever, this isn't all about me and my thing, but I just, I wanted to clear that up. I wanted to clear it up. I think that if you don't want to get married right now, and I think that, like, things change.

There's tons of people that, like, thought it 23, 24, 25, I did the idea of having children sounds terrible. I'll never do it. And then one day they changed their mind. They want to have kids. Like, I don't know. You'll change and evolve. And this is you changing and evolve. Like, do what the fuck you want to do.

Yeah. And I'm not, yeah, I'm not anti-marriage, but then sometimes I do think things are like really antiquated. and like where you see where some of these ideals like stem from. It's just kind of weird and I don't know. Well, I mean marriage. I mean, marriage, like, originated as a way for, like, people to, like, buy and sell property. Yeah. Your dad gave you away.

What the fuck? Like, I was joking about this. Like, can you imagine someone asking my dad if they could marry me? My dad would be like, fucking ask her yourself. I don't know. She's been doing. You and your dad? No, your dad would be like, what are you asking me for?

What does this have to do with me? She's a prickly kid Like it's I like the sentiment I literally have always loved it I've had this vision of my head That's the more I think about it I'm like my dad would be like

What? Okay whatever dude She's whatever dude I feel like my dad would be like Ask her What do I have to do with this? She's a woman She's your problem

You talk to her about it Also after a certain age You know like in 23 It's cute A lot yeah My fiance I called my dad And asked My dad was like

what are you going to do for money? And like, he was like, well, that was, this was a mistake. Yeah. I want to abort this conversation. And it's not, I'm not even hating on it. It's just for me personally, I'm like, that's your truth. A lot older than the average bride.

You know, like, I, my dad would just be like, you want my permission for Ashley to do something? She's never asked for my permission her whole life. I really hope to God somebody asks your dad and then records this conversation. My dad is also like me, like he couldn't be serious. It's like he would feel awkward. He would just be like, I can't picture it. Can you picture it?

I love Lee. I know. I think he'd be hysterical. He would just laugh. He's just, my dad's so grumpy. I could like genuinely see this conversation happening and him just not being nice the whole time.

But your dad would just laugh. He can't be that serious. Like some guy, Lee, I want to talk to you. I'd like to have your blessing to have Ashley's hand. He'd be like, you're already screwing her. What do you need my permission for? You want to buy her and owner?

Yes, do that. Great. Take her off her. Yeah. Awesome. She can be on your family plan. We got a lot of messages from girls being like, how do I be single at a wedding? I think that you had the number one best piece of advice. Be the hottest person there. Absolutely. Get your hair done. Or your makeup done. You've got to get these skills together, ladies. Get that spray dance. Start taking some dance lessons. Just dominate the wedding is what I'm saying. Give a speech.

Learn comedy. Do a bit. Stand up. Do a whole set. Headline the wedding. jump up on the microphone, sing a Beyonce song. But I think that like, yeah, this is probably like next to like death, public speaking and moving, probably the most anxiety a woman will ever feel in her life is going to a wedding single. Especially as you get older, like when I was maybe like 24, 25, 26, whatever, there was tons of single also people at weddings. Like I went to a wedding in D.C., my friend Gino's wedding. I was like, me and Shoshi were the only two single girls there.

I mean, everybody, we grew up, everybody got married. All of our friends were married. They all kids. Like, yeah, we were the only single people there. Yeah. And like, yeah, it gets more uncomfortable as you get older. I had a girlfriend with me, so it was super fun. And all my friends were there.

And I don't know, just own the fact that you know it's going to be a little uncomfortable. Just look great. Well, yeah. And I don't know. I have always surrounded myself with people that are awesome, non-judgmental, cool fucking people. I don't have any people that I've ever felt judged by for being single, for whatever. So I don't know. I'm not saying that's some revolution.

thing. I think a lot of people would choose that. But I just never, I remember going to so many weddings and I was really close with all my college girlfriend's husbands or significant others. And like, it wasn't a big deal that there was a table of eight or seven, I guess, or whatever, nine. And it's all couples in me, that I'm like the seventh wheel or ninth wheel. I don't know. Like they're my friends. I don't let it bother me because I'm choosing not to. So I guess if I really dwelt on it. It was like, oh, I'm so single and I'm just a third wheel. I think you had to shift your mindset and be like, who cares? If someone's judging you for being single, that's. their problem. I think it's probably all in your mind. Other people don't care. None of my friends. And I've always had like that one couple I'll hang out at every wedding. Like I'll sit with that couple and like whatever. Nobody's ever made me feel weird or judged. My friends have been with their husbands for so many years. I don't give a shit if I hang out with their husbands or the two of them together. They don't care. None of them care. Right. It just doesn't matter. And then who cares that you have dinner and then you're just dancing. Like and if anyone throws you you shade for being single, that's their problem and their relationship's probably going down

the tubes. Like anybody that ever single shames got some shit going on. Regular happy people and relationships don't do that. That is such a good point. You're so right. I can't think of one person that I like genuinely care about, love, grew up with, go to weddings with, like has ever said one word to me about it. And if they did, that's, that is their problem. Yeah. And I understand probably the worst part of those weddings is like sitting through the wedding alone, like watching somebody get married on your mind. You're just like, oh, this is just never going to happen for me. one is this going to happen. I want this so badly.

But like, I don't know. Like, I don't think you should ever begrudge other people's happiness. Just be happy for them and just sort of bite the blood in an hour. You all be dancing. I'll be drinking. Right. And better to be there alone than sitting there watching these two in love, people get married with somebody you're not in love with or that isn't in love with you.

I do want to say all the weddings I've gone to alone. I did have like a lot of friends there. But I would feel weird if I really didn't know that many people. I went to one wedding by myself in Boston a couple years ago. Right after, right after, right after, yeah. Or no, it was two days before I met you. Right. Yeah, I met you right after I met.

I pretty much did not know anybody there. I kind of knew her work friends and that's who she sat me with and she did not invite me with a guest, which we will talk about. I don't know. I don't think you have to go. You don't think I have to go. Whatever. It was tremendously uncomfortable for me.

It really was. I didn't know a soul there. I didn't have a guest with me. I'm out of town and spending all this money. I was not invited with a guest. I guess if I had been like, can I bring a guest? she probably would have said yes, but whatever. Like I just, I mean, you have to make people feel comfortable.

Whatever, it doesn't matter. I just left a little early. Like, I had a couple drinks. I was a little more comfortable. I was chitchadding with people. People will talk to you. Like, just be like talkative and talk to people. And just, I don't know, then you leave a little bit early.

I do think it's important to like, this is a really old friend of mine and I wasn't going to not go because like I think that like the thing that bonds you to people is sharing these experiences in their life. But like, yeah, I just left really early. And that was like a bummer. But like, I don't know. I wasn't going to like. continue to stay in a situation I wasn't like super comfortable.

Absolutely. And that wasn't about being single. That was just about knowing nobody. Absolutely. Yeah. But I mean, if you had you at a date, you could have like buddyed up with somebody.

Like that situation is a nightmare. And I know she was one of your oldest friends. But if that wasn't a really close top tier, second tier friend of mine, I might have not gone. If it was something that was going to cost me a bunch of money, I knew I was going to feel uncomfortable. I didn't get a plus one.

I might be like, I'm going to sit this one out. Yeah, for sure. Because you do not have to go to every wedding. You're invited to. For the record, spoiler alert, that's,

you're invited to. We're going to talk about money a lot. All right. But we also, this just transitioned since we were talking about plus ones and whatnot. It was bringing a date. Because what I told you what I've noticed is a lot of recent picks. I feel like wedding season has kind of already begun. Well, not for me because I'm trying about my wedding season is small. Do you want to talk about what wedding season is again? Yeah. So wedding season for me, I've always noticed that it really kind of starts in October through November. No, I'm just going. So I feel like a lot of people go Instagram official at weddings. Because I think that you're also like, you know that like you're kind of.

You're really in it if you're taking somebody to a wedding. So that's when I post it. I feel like it's maybe it is a little bit relationship official, but Instagram official I've seen in the last few weeks, couples that I maybe had a hint they were dating via Instagram story, but they hadn't done their first Instagram post until this wedding. Yes, always a wedding. It's a great time to do your first Instagram post.

I think I might have done that one. Yeah, it's a thing. My take on it is, okay. Yeah, I want to hear when you think you should bring somebody to a wedding. I have gone to a lot of wedding single with people I've grown up with, like, big groups of people from Pittsburgh that I grew up with that I haven't seen in a long time. And I would actually genuinely rather go alone than bring somebody that I'm like just newly dating that I have to, I don't want to say babysit. Nobody I've ever dated is somebody that I would say like a common threat among everybody I've ever dated is that like I can leave them alone for hours and they'll have a great time and everybody likes them. And that's something I've always liked about everybody I've dated. But yeah, sometimes you just want to be with people that you haven't seen in a long time and having to introduce somebody. And if you don't know where the relationships going and then everybody's going to ask about them later. And like, I would rather just do it alone unless I'm like super committed. Yeah. To me, yeah, I'm like committed or not even committed at all. Like if you could, I bring a random dude to be funny and see how it works out. But I like that idea.

You know, like, committed? First date. Yeah. Want to go to fucking wedding with me? Okay. But to me, I feel committed. I was thinking about this because I think we talked about a lot with when you introduced when you bring people home for the holidays and introduce from your families. I don't think it's that serious at all. I feel like committed is the is the goal here. And ladies, we tell you guys this all the time, just trust your gut on this. You know whether it's time or not. Like if you are still wavering with this guy, you don't know how he feels. Don't bring him to a fucking wedding. Because guys see that as a you want to get serious. Go it alone, bring him to the next one. But I think when you've had the talk, that's what I think you've had the talk or somehow

slid into commitment. Again, we don't necessarily agree that you have to have this. What Are We talk? We definitely never think you should initiate it. But you're committed. You're boyfriend girlfriend. You feel comfortable calling this guy your boyfriend at this wedding. I think it's okay to bring him. Totally. Or, okay,

don't bring a date. If there's somebody who's also single that you want to fuck at that wedding. For sure. Which is like definitely what I've done recently at multiple weddings. Yeah. You know, there's just like a certain person that like is you just want to fuck, you know? So you don't,

you don't bring a date? Don't bring sand to the beach. Cockblock yourself. Get out of here. And I just always, I, my friend Jennifer, she's married.

Her husband's name is Grant. They have two children. And I remember they just newly started dating. and she was definitely not calling him her boyfriend. And he was like, do you want to go this wedding with me in Hawaii? And he made a lot of money. And I think he paid for it because, you know, he's inviting her. And she went.

And now they're married. Like she was really like, are you? I don't know you that well. Maybe they'd been on like three dates. They were newly dating not even a month. And he invited her to Hawaii. And it worked out. So I don't hate that either.

I like what you're saying now. I think roll the dice. Uh-huh. Early on. Early. For the quasi situation. That's when you don't go when you're in the gray area. Yes.

I love that idea. like first date. What are you doing this weekend? I don't know. I don't want to come. I would 100% do that. My friend Lee that got married and she got married in Philly and she just was like, she just is so great.

You love her so much. She's wonderful. And she was like, Ashley, you can literally find a bumble date to the day of the wedding and bring him. And I was like, I love you. Steven Star catered wedding like not cheap.

Like she was like fucking on. What do we care? We want you to have fun. I was like, you want a random at your wedding? That's a little bold. I don't know that that's for everybody. But from a bride standpoint,

we'll talk about planning ways, but from a bride standpoint, If like, if you're not an out of town guest, you're probably not paying for you in a stranger. Yeah, I know. That was just her. Also, but she's amazing. She's amazing.

They had no shows and we got some messages about this. That's a crazy thing to me is a no show at a wedding. How rude are you? Somebody said 30 people. How is it even possible? Who are your friends? I've never heard of such a thing. Also, what kind of person isn't going to go to a wedding?

I will go to a wedding every weekend of my life. It is my favorite. It is free alcohol and dancing and free food and, like, the chance that you're going to fuck one of the guests. Like, weddings are the best. Oh, they're a wedding every week in my life. I'm like Vince Vaugh and Owen Wilson right now. I will crash a wedding. Every single weekend.

I love. I look so pretty. You should wear a nice dress and heels. Like, I can't say enough about what I love weddings. I love them. You know I do. What's a party? Remember what was you like roasted me?

You're going to show up like, what was that about? Because I was like, I love weddings. It's just like a party, you know? Bro. Bro. It's just like a party. That is like, we're going to talk about some etiquette stuff and it blows my mind. I understand things can happen.

I think one person that didn't show to a friend of mine's wedding was like their kid was sick. It was some crazy, really bad situation. But I cannot wrap my head around R.Svee P into a wedding and just not showing up. Who are you as a human? I know. It's a thing. Fuck yourself. Seriously.

The amount of money that you just cost somebody, I'm just getting mad. And what a fucking loser you are? Especially if those people had to do their numbers and there was other people they would have liked to invite. I mean, it makes me feel crazy. Anyway, just had to throw that in. Because someone did message about it. 30 no-shows?

What? I'm sorry, your friends suck. What's up next? All right. Oh, you want to talk about planning weddings? Okay. I don't have anything to say. I'm just going to take the floor.

As someone who planned her wedding and then canceled her wedding. Clearly, I have strong opinions on every topic that exists. But Raina Ashley are so judgment. Yeah, if I had no thoughts or feelings about things, I wouldn't have a podcast. That's how things work. If I wanted to have no thoughts or feelings, I'd still be working at Amazon where I was miserable. Ashley's still opinionated. A yeah.

A duh. My middle name. Okay. Planning a wedding. We're going to do this and we're going to transition into kind of like guess expectations. It all kind of goes hand in hand. Oh, my God. You just popped open your laptop.

You're a fucking laptop. It sounds like it's about to take off. I'm not like, you're not like, you want to walk into Apple and I'm like, I'm here to buy a court. You don't want to just throw in a 17-inch laptop for me as well. It's 15. They don't make the 17 anymore.

It's fine. Walking around like a peasant. Um, those two inches. Okay. I think a lot of people talked about budgeting and dealing with, so planning a wedding. I did plan a wedding.

I never got to the altar. You really think this is funny. This is the funniest thing. It's funny. It's funny. Dark stuff is funny. Um, we got a lot of questions about budgeting,

dealing with families, managing your expectations. Look, I think that there are people that imagine their wedding from the time they're five years old. I think you should have everything that you want and that is very important, of course. I think that you have to be realistic

about your budget and what people owe you specifically. You know, I was... Both my parents were retired by the time I was planning my wedding. So that's the most amount of money they're ever going to make. So having them give me $100,000 was just not an option. Right. I was a bride and you know, I've talked about this, but like I was a bride who didn't have a lot of expectations for her wedding.

I kind of wanted to do like a backyard barbecue with Life Lab Music. And everybody vetoed me. I got vetoed so hard. That sounds so fun. My fiance's dad was the director of private events at the Plaza Hotel. I don't have ever told you that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like million dollar weddings every weekend.

Right. He was like, fuck your backyard barbecue. And like my parents are divorced. His parents are divorced. Everybody's remarried. Tons of family shit. I just was like, I don't really care about this. Just tell me like when to show up.

Yeah. I thought, I felt like a lot of wedding stuff was a lot of, minutia and kind of ridiculous. So like the cost of things, like there's haircuts and there's wedding, there's wedding haircuts, you know, there's flowers, there's wedding flowers.

Right. I just didn't, I didn't care about all that stuff. I didn't care about centerpieces. And the hospitality suites. Like, I just, I just didn't care about so much of that stuff.

But I guess I wasn't a typical bride. Yeah. And I really did, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed planning the wedding with my mom. It was a really nice time in our lives together. Um, I don't know.

Like, what else to say about it in terms of like planning. Yeah. I mean, I think everybody knows this. I mean, I don't think, I think most guests, 98% of guests, do not give a shit about centerpieces. I don't even care about food. Like, booze and music, if anything.

Like, I don't, nobody cares. Like, spend the money on the alcohol. Spend the money on, like, the, if you can't afford a ball or band, go with a good DJ. Don't do a shitty band just because you think you want to have a band. Like, I just really strongly believe that you should keep your guests. in mind because these people are maybe traveling, they're spending money. You're not the only wedding, the first, last wedding. Like, people spend tons of money and they're coming to see you. And I, if you don't care about your guests, and you're like, this is what I want. Fuck it. And we're just

going to do these things. And I just, I don't know. I just think like playing a wedding with, that can be cool and awesome within your means. Like, I don't know. I think that people get so tripped up on centerpieces and colors and place settings and all these things and no one notices. Like these, even these cute little sentimental touches that people free out about and even the brides, I think they're going to be the most laid-back brides still get crazy about these little things that no one notices. Like the stuff that goes into showers and parties that literally no one gives a shit about is so much of it. And I always try to, I have some friends that do what event planning and they plan showers and done all these things. And I'm like, God,

they did so much work in this and no one cares. All people care about is like the alcohol and having a good time. I mean, I just think people get so wrapped up and it blows my mind that people go in debt over weddings. It blows my mind. people put their parents in debt over weddings. Like, I know it's not easy to do a cheap wedding, but people got to be realistic about their budgets. Like, it's one day. I know it's a really special day.

And I know it is this really special day that all eyes are on you and all these things that you dream about. But going in debt is not the answer, I don't think. Oh, not over one day. And I like the way that you put it sort of in the perspective of the guest and just sort of thinking about, like, what your guests are looking for. And when I think back and hopefully like when everybody thinks back to the best wedding you've ever been to, for me,

personally, it's not the nicest hotel, the nicest venue, the most expensive plates of food. It's not the 12 ounce filets. It's just like, was it a great band? Did I have good access to alcohol? Was there a lot of alcohol? Yes. And like, did I just enjoy being with the people? Was it a good space? Was the room a good space? I always think, like, don't have your wedding too big of a room. Like, I like feeling really intimate and together with everybody. Um, some good, mix it up with some good speeches. Like the dinner portion doesn't have to be super long. I don't remember any of that stuff. I think of like the best wedding. I think of like the best wedding. I ever went to. My favorite wedding was my friend Matt and Julie. They got married to like a small country club in New Jersey. The cocktail hour was two hours. We just sat outside and hung and drank and just like ate some past hors d'oeuvres and it was the best time. It wasn't fancy. It was super casual. And it was on a lake. Yeah. Like it just was fine. And so I like

thinking about that, spend money on a photographer. Photographer. Do not manage your expectation. That's a photographer, photographer. Like I love when I hear Bride say like this is the thing we splurged on because like you close your memories. I think videographer, I think do the whole fucking thing. Like Atlanta, geez, our labor of love. Like, that's so fucking good. Like, they're expensive,

but it's like, it's worth every penny if you get your shitty pictures back. I had a friend that I had a shitty photographer, and I knew he was shitty. And while he was taking the pictures, I was like, I can't believe he's not getting any shots. And I was like, it's not my place to jump in.

I'm a bridesmaid, but I'm not family. And I fucking knew that he was terrible. And I almost wish I would have said something. And she hated her picture. You should have. And here's why. Okay, the day after my brother's wedding, I drove back to New York

and my mom called me and she was so hysterical she could not stop crying she's still two years later she was not stop talking about this that the photographer did not take enough pictures of her and like of her with Arlen

and her with her friends and I was like you should have said something so like always say something like if you don't like what's going on like make sure they get a million photos and like yeah my mom literally two years later is not stop talking about this like you have to ask for those things

and give them a shot list like if I ever get married God help God help everybody involved. God help the DJ because they have a strict play, do not play list. And the photographer, I mean, but that is,

they would prefer a shot list. I mean, they would rather know what you want than, I mean, I don't think, I mean, whatever, be like, hey, these are kind of what we want and the rest is up to you because you're the professional. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

But I, I just think people go in debt over weddings and spend money on these little tiny things. And I mean, I've had friends that got in the weeds on wedding planning and we're like, I hate this. Like, I hate the. appointments I have to go to. Like, I hate this so much. Unanimously, everybody I've talked to says to

hire a wedding planner, definitely for the day of, but like throughout, I mean, I know that's an extra expense, but like people that you can pay to do the stuff that you don't want to do don't have your friends and family doing stuff, day of the wedding, like hire somebody to do that stuff. I don't know. I just, I think you can do weddings cheap and I hate when people just start to skimp and it affects the guest experience. I think that's a shame. Like we went to a wedding where there was no out-of-town on destination wedding and there was no any sort of gift welcome thing, which is fine. You don't need to give me gifts, but like

we didn't have any information. Like we didn't I think give them, give a little gift bag if it's a destination wedding. We didn't have any, we didn't know what time shit was. Right. Little waters and candy. Yeah, water is always nice in hotel. Like I don't need local gifts. I think I've gotten some amazing super cute gift bags when Kate got married

in Tallum. We had like all, it's really cute stuff. But give, let your guests know you're glad there. Like that wedding that I went to, we were so shocked. We were like, we don't even know what to do. Like, no welcome thing. Do you know how much this cost us to be here? So the moral of story is by Ashley Gifts. Don't ask, don't ask for that information for anything. Give me a fucking printout of what time shit starts. I don't fucking know. Right. How do I get there? Is there Uber in this place? I don't know. I just think that a lot of people really get so overwhelmed with like the money and the budget

and the family stuff and all this minutia and all these details and just like remember to enjoy planning your wedding. It can be really fun. I think that like don't let your spouse see a side of you that they're like, you know, yeah, obviously a lot of people's parents are divorced. That's, it's uncomfortable. Just like, just remember it's a party and everybody should enjoy themselves and have fun. It's not that big of a deal. Like, just relax and enjoy it. It's a party.

But across the board, people will remember that there was a bad alcohol situation. I'll never forget. They will remember a cash bar. If you can't afford an open bar, don't have a wedding. I'm sorry. Cash bar. What? People will remember bad alcohol situation and they will remember shitty music and nothing else.

No one has ever left a wedding. I don't even care of the food's good. I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'll get a piece after this. People don't care about your setter pieces. They don't care about your cutesy little guest book shit. They care about the booze and the music and that's what makes them have a good time.

I was at a wedding at a museum. She invited something crazy like 600 guests and there was one bar. No. One bar for 600 people. just beating. I know. It was so uncomfortable. And you're, by the way, museums have marble floors. So you're on marble floors in high heels with no alcohol. And it was just, it was a lot to deal with. And she was divorced within like six months. Probably because of the bar situation. If you're meeting with a wedding planner and

they're like, we typically would have this many bartenders for this amount of people, you add another fucking one. I cannot stress this enough. So my cousin's getting married and where she's getting married, I don't know what their wine situation was. Whatever it was, my parents were not happy about it. And they're like, no, Lindsay, whatever it takes, we'll, we'll figure this out. You can't have this. Like, it was just like, we need wine, beer and liquor. I don't know. I don't know if people do today. Like, I don't know if he was money situations, but something that my brother did that I thought was cool was like, my parents paid for the wedding. Or her parents, her parents paid for the wedding. But him and my sister-in-law,

like, paid for all these, like, little extras. Like, they wanted a photo booth at the wedding. They paid for it. Like, if you can pitch in somehow, like, you are going to work for the next 50 years your parents aren't. Yeah. I'm just like very sensitive. I mean, not everybody's parents as old as mine, but like, I just felt bad. Like, well, my parents were like, my mom flew to New York. We went to all these venues in Brooklyn and Queens. She really tried to give me a New York wedding. But it was going to be like $120,000. We had a 250 person guest list. And so like, I don't know. Like when she said to me like, we just can't do this, it has to be in Pittsburgh. Like, well, I was going to throw a temper tantrum. She doesn't owe me anything. You know? I know. I love that

she came here and tried. I know. I just can't like, I mean, I don't know. I can't imagine asking my parents for money for a wedding. But I am in my third. and I don't even know what I want in a wedding, probably just at Dewey Beach, casual, whatever, like rehearsal on the starboard, get married on the beach, have a reception at North Beach. Okay, I've thought about it. You know, I've thought about it.

Maybe you should get married because this wedding sounds awesome. Yeah, like, but if your parents plan for it, yes, you know, great. That's amazing. If they plan for that, they have a wedding fund, let them do it. But don't put people in debt over this day. Yeah. And if you're, like, extra nice to your parents, like, during the whole planning thing,

like, then your dad will be super nice about canceling your wedding when your fiancee leaves you. Oh, my God. Are you going to talk about this? What happens when you canceled a wedding? Did you lose a lot of money, like deposits and stuff? People are pretty forgiving when your dad calls and says they just had the engagement party yesterday and he left her the next day.

People were like, yeah, it's uncomfortable. My mom had to email everybody that's very uncomfortable for them, I'm sure. Oh, wait, really quickly, run quick. Can we throw this in people a ton of questions about eloping and like, yeah, fucking do it. If you feel like you want to do it, do it. That was my first thing was I wanted to do a destination wedding. Like, we tried to plan a lot. of like DIY.

Like I looked at a lot of raw spaces that I was like, okay, I could make this room really cool. The cost of doing a raw space is so expensive. Like bringing in all of your own stuff. So like if you can allop to a place that like

or just like destination wedding in general, like people just, it's a wedding venue. They pump out weddings every weekend. Like I think that's just easiest. Yeah. And you can trim down the guest list. Kate did a wedding for 40 people in Tulum.

It was wonderful. Corey, my other friend did a wedding in Mexico as well. it more of like a kind of a bigger resort. Tulum's kind of more low-key, smaller places. And like she thought it was going to trim down the amount of people came,

but like 100 people came. Like, that's a lot of people to travel to Mexico, international. I complain so hard about destination weddings and I love them. I love them. I love them, yeah. I complain so hard.

Another thing I meant to throw in, I just thought, this is going to be such a long episode. I just think I had a friend that like the catering was getting so out of control and they had flying biscuit, which is a breakfast place in Atlantic caterer like the cheapest they could find

fucking breakfast food, hell yeah. Taco bar, pizza, breakfast food. Who cares? Shake-Shack. I don't Shack is 100% catering my wedding and my giftbacks. Okay. Just want to throw that in. People don't care about the food. I don't need a filet. I'm too excited. I'd fucking be. If Shake Shack came out on a porcelain platter to every one of my guests? Or a paper plate. Who cares?

I would be so happy. Like, I'm going to have a wedding and somewhere really fancy and then serve Shakeshack. Yeah. Oh yeah. I love when they come in with like the treats at the end of the night. I'll just have, I'll probably be like grottoes. I love the salads. I'll have an antipasta salad for dessert. Okay, but this was all about elopement and I think that you just forgot. We veered so far out track.

You said elope and I was like, you know what? I want to talk about is what I want to talk about. So we're going to talk about destination weddings. I completely forgot what elop meant and just like veered off into some weird world of like raw spaces. Well, we'll bring it back. I think eloping is great if that is what you want to do.

I don't think anybody really cares about witnessing you say your vows besides your immediate family. Like this couple that I love, they got married in Bali, just the two of them. that's what they wanted to do. They came back. They had a really fun, casual garden party, no expectations. Like it was one of my favorite quote-unquote weddings I'd ever been to.

And I had other couples to do that. They just went to some island or some other country, totally eloped, came back at a party, it was great. If you're going to piss off your family forever, if your parents will hate that and cut you off and never speak to you again, don't do it. But if they're open to it and you are able to elope and it's what you feel in your heart of hearts that you want to do, like fucking do it. I think people get wrapped up.

and what I should do, what people expect of me. Nobody cares. I'd like that you said that, like, yes, if you're going to burn down the bridges that are the most important, then don't do those things. But, like, yeah, if your truth is to go be in Bali alone, go live your truth.

Right. And I just think it's, like, so fun to just come back and have a party where there's, like, no typical, like, wedding pressures on it. Like, that was honestly one of the most fun I ever had. So can't remember I get recommended enough, 2019, live your truth. Okay.

Okay. Picking bridesmaids. Don't do it. I just don't have. bridesmaids. No. I have a lot of thoughts. Go ahead. Go. You go. I had six. Yeah. I was not somebody who had to have a lot of like tough conversations. But I will say that I think that if you ask most people like why friendships ended in their 20s, like it is over bridesmaid shit. Like I think that most girls lose friends in their 20s over wedding bullshit and behavior of the bride or behavior of the bridesmaids. Yeah. And I think God did not have to

have any of those conversations. But I think the people are like, okay, I have like this, I want to have six people. I'm like on the cusp. I like there's two people I want to ask. I don't know how to tell them to not be in my wedding. Yeah. So I've had to have a couple of those conversations. I've had two of those conversations with girlfriends that told me that I was not going to be in their weddings. And here's why. Yeah, first of all, I'm thrilled to not be in a wedding. I know. I'm just, I'm just, I'm only having three bridesmaids. It's only going to be the people that I, it's three girls that she grew up with. That's who it was. And she was like, but I'd love for you to come and get ready with me during the day. And I'd love you to like be there for all these

special moments. And like, I was off the hook for spending money. And I appreciated the honesty and our friendship was intact. And the other girl, I didn't put her in my wedding either. And she, a good friend of mine, she was like a on the cusp person too for me. It was like, was I going to have a seventh bridemaid. She took me out to dinner and she was just like, I just want to be honest with you. Like, I had to cut it somewhere. And so I'm just not going to have you my wedding. I hope you're not insulted. And she said it to my face in person. And I just, it's probably super uncomfortable. Like, I really appreciated that conversation a lot. And it didn't. And it didn't. insult me. I was just like, okay, you have to cut it somewhere. Like, this makes sense. Like,

fine. Right. And that's what's been able to keep us being friends. And I think that's what people are really scared of. It's like, how do I tell somebody they're not going to be in my wedding? I think you have to do that. It's way better than just not saying anything. But I guess one the only time it gets tricky is like someone thought you were better friends than you were. You know what I mean? Like someone that has a ton of friends. They have like first, first, first, second, third, fourth tier friends. And like, they have to tell somebody like, I don't consider you a first-year friend and it's someone that thought they were like best friends. I guess, I know. I just feel like you probably felt the same way. Like you were like,

yeah, if I had to cut it somewhere, I'd probably cut it before you too. But when it's like unbalanced, it can get really tricky. But you still have to have the conversation. What do you think about blaming on your fiance and just saying he really only wants six and I can't have, I don't, I've never been to like uneven bridal party. What I don't know. I mean, am I really going to go on a bridal party rant? Yeah, but you blame whoever you want. Like you can say that if you want. The numbers need to be even. That's an easy, that's an easy thing to say. It's just, you might hurt someone's feelings, but you can't have all these people up there, you know? The alternative is not mentioning it. I tell you, people will remember that shit for the rest of

their lives. You didn't fucking have that conversation with them. Yeah. Like, just have the conversation. Just have the conversation. Um, my personal feelings is that I absolutely will not have a bridal party if I get married. But, I mean, I really wanted one when I was in my 20s. So this isn't to shit on that at all. It's that I'm in my 30s. My friends have kids. Like they're pregnant. They do not want to be up there. That's not a thing I'm going to do to them. And I don't want it. And I think it looks kind of silly when you're past a certain age. That's how I feel. I definitely did not feel like that my 20s. And my 20s, I'm like, oh my God, who have my bridal party me? Like I like made a list. You know what I mean? And there was like 12 fucking girls. But I, uh, so people even wrote,

they were like, can I not have a bridal party? Yeah. You can do whatever you want. And I'm seeing way less. Like, I would be scared that somebody that I would marry would want to have groomsmen because I'd like, we're not doing that. And here's the ring until you side with me. Like, it's, I'm like, we're not, we're not doing that. Like, we're too old. But I, I'm also not, anybody that wants to do whatever, again, do whatever you want. You can be fucking 45 getting married for the first time to have a bridesmaids. Who cares? Like, this is on you. This is just my personal opinion. But I think it is a very good way to not have to worry about it. Two people, you have a sister. You have a sister and a best friend. Corey had her two.

sisters in me. You can do that so easily and avoid all those conversations. People don't want to really be in your wedding. Let's be honest. The amount of money that costs to be in a wedding, like let them just come enjoy themselves as a guest. It's so like if you have your heart set on a dozen bridesmaids, then do what your heart desires, whatever, have your whole goddamn sorority in it, whatever. But if you don't want to and you want to be like, it's just going to be my sister and my fiance sister or my best friend from childhood and my best friend from college, I could just do it. Like if you, that's, I love it. There's just like two or three girls up there. All wearing whatever dress they want.

Don't get me started. I did all of it. Matching dresses six brides. It's fine. If that's what you envisioned, I don't know. I wouldn't, we were going to do the dress rant.

Just let me know. Okay, I am ready. Okay, whatever. We talked about all this, like, fucking bullshit planning ways. I'm ready to, like, really shit talk,

some bridesila bridesmaid behavior. Just shit talk at all. I, you really see people's crazy fucking size. It's crazy. And I can't say this enough. Like, it is a special day, but you are not the first person to get married. People don't care as much as you do.

They've gone to 10 weddings this year, maybe. Like, you are just another wedding. If it's your sister, that's different. But it's your family. But, like, people treat it like it's supposed to be everyone's priority. It's just a wedding to everyone else but you. Right. And what are you going to do?

You're going to be horrible, horrible to everybody and cost them a ton of money so that you alienate them and they never speak to you again. And they're resentful, yeah. I can't tell you how many girls I know that never spoke to somebody after their bridal party. Just never spoke again. I have people like that in my life. Happen to my sister-in-law and some girl.

You just keep being terrible to people. And they will never forget. I promise you these people will not be your friends. They are tolerating you until the day of the wedding see if they ever pick up your phone call again. I know. You've got to have some sympathy for people and put yourself in their shoes.

Like, especially when you're in your 20s and everybody's getting married and it's like, you don't have a lot of money. Like, I was so, broke for most of my 20s. And that's when everybody was getting married. And I was so broke. And I was the one that couldn't always afford the gifts.

I definitely couldn't afford multiple gifts. I definitely couldn't be out here. Engagement party shower gift, bachelorette and wedding gift and bridesma's dress. I couldn't do it. I would be like the one that couldn't do it because I was trying to like build this life that I have now. But, you know,

and I haven't had traditional jobs. But like I've credit card debt for weddings for sure. 100%. And I think that like that is the most uncomfortable conversations to have. I mean, I was the same way. I moved away. I moved to New York when I was 21 years old.

All my friends were either in Pittsburgh or in the Midwest in Chicago, wherever, they're all around. I was the one that I couldn't afford to go to your engagement party, your bridal shower, your bachelor's party. It was my worst nightmare when I would start getting invited to all these things because I like, I didn't add out of those conversations. I was so humiliated to say to somebody, like, I genuinely cannot afford this.

Like, I can't even afford the dress to come to your wedding. Yeah. And like all through my 20s, I was like that. I managed restaurants. I was a waitress. Right. I couldn't afford this stuff. So like those conversations.

those conversations, I think, are so uncomfortable. And people, tons of submissions on our Instagram. People being like, I don't know how to say I can't afford it. You say you can't afford it. And also just backs up. Like, there's such a difference between you getting married in your early 20s and getting married in your 30s. And that's something to also keep in mind when you're planning your wedding.

And my friend Lise, I got married in Big Sur. That's an expensive fucking wedding. You got to fly to San Francisco. You got to drive. I mean, I couldn't afford it in my 20s. I would have to be like, I can't come. It was the best wedding ever. I was so happy to do it in my 30s.

But I had to do that once. my friend, I talked to her. We were not super close, but we were close enough that she invited me to her bachelor at. And I had to be like, I can only do one where I stand right now with my personal finances. And she was like, I'd rather you come to the bachelor in Charleston. And I was like, I will come to the bachelor's admon. I can't make the wedding where I would have to get a hotel room by myself

is in a very expensive place in the country. And so I don't think it should be that hard. Like, your friends know what you make and they should respect that. And saying like, I will go in debt with this. I have to put this on my credit card. I can only do this and this and not this. Like, I think two events, like you should not have to fly for anything more than two. I mean, a lot of people can't even do that.

But if you have a friend that lives somewhere else and they want you to come to their engagement party, their shower, their bachelorette and then their wedding, are you kidding me? I know, it's too much. And I think, listen, I think sharing these events in people's lives is what bonds you to a person. That's what friendship is based on, is sharing these moments in somebody's life. And so you should do as much as you can. And I've never regretted spending the money. I've never looked back and thought, like, I'm mad that I'm.

did that. I look back on these days and they're some of the best days of my life was spending like these moments with my friends. Right. But like don't not pay yourself on bill because of it. You know, don't like put yourself on a position where you like are so, so uncomfortable and then you resent the person. And I think this happens a lot with bridesmaid specifically where like they all want to pool in for a shower gift or like a specific type of bachelor. We got this great email. I can, I can summarize the email. The email was that she's co-made of honors with somebody and the other maid of honor wants to do a spa weekend for the bride's bachelorette, $1,000 in just to stay there.

That doesn't include food, drinks, massages, whatever, plus the flight on top of it, plus the dresses they're having to get. Like, we're talking thousands of dollars. I could barely afford this. Couldn't do it, yeah. What was her question? So her question was basically that they had told the bride already, this was going to happen. The bride doesn't know how much it costs was she shouldn't, you know?

And this girl's like, I just, I didn't sign off on this. and like now I don't know what to do. Yeah. Which is what situation I see a lot. I don't after time. Oh my God. I don't know. My friends were always really understanding in my 20s.

I was the broke one. I was a freelance writer. Like, you know, like they had normal jobs that they got out of college. Like I would be like, how do you guys have this much money? Like I would remember being like, how can everybody afford this?

It sucks. I mean, I just, I would hate to like now, I mean, with Instagram, just seeing everybody at these parties and you're not there like, do what you can,

but like ultimately, I don't know what to tell that girl. I mean, you have to be honest. Like it's already planned. I mean, that's what sucks is when you're already a bridesmaid. And this happened to my sister-in-law. They, like, planned this whole bridal shower.

And, like, the girl was just like, here, Venmo me hundreds of dollars. My sister-in-law was like, I can't do this. Like, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't sign off on this. Well, and I just want to be totally clear that when I was in my early mid-20s didn't have a lot of money, like, I still did stuff. Like, it was super important to me to go to the things that my best friends had, my top-tier friends had that I wanted.

to go to. Like, I remember when I went to Miami for Bachelorette, that was like, maybe the brokest I ever was in my life. I had just quit my job in PR to go out on writing on my own. I just moved in my first place on my own. It was like, the lowest my bank account had probably ever been. I like still went and I would like never regret it. So I just, I don't want to be on this high horse like, if you can't afford it, just tell them you can't go. Like that is not necessarily how I, I lived when things really mattered and they were like with my, my close friends, you know. Put your limits like when you can, when it's really, really means something to you. And otherwise just be honest and don't feel bad about it.

Yeah. Like I just feel like I definitely had more of a YOLO mindset with this stuff, but you know, it's it's a shower that you have to fly to and I don't think put that in the credit card. You know, but when it's something that is important, it's somebody that you're close to and it's something that you actually want to do, I'm like, see if you can make it work. I put stuff on the credit card. I overdrew my bank account and some of those experiences were absolutely worth it. I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I think that when it comes down to it and you can't make it work, if it's, I mean, she's the co-made. This is one of her really. close friends or whatever, but like, if you're like, if you can skimp and figure it out and make it

work, because I'm sure you have a great time, spot weekend. I mean, who doesn't want that? But if you really can't do it, like, you can tell this person, who would get mad about that? If you're like, do you understand how much this pains me to tell you that I can't afford this? Like, I'm not out here purposely not coming to make a dig at you. I want to be there more than anything. I can't afford it. This is a really tough conversation for me to have. Who would be pissed about that? And I will say this. I have had conversations in my 20s that. of something I couldn't afford and my friends picked up the slack.

I feel like I'm gonna cry. I've just had like such great friends all my life where they were like, I make a lot of money. I'll take care of it. We want you to be there. You know what I mean? And like if I had a ton of money

and that was the case, I'd be like, $1,000 is no big deal. I'm gonna cover this for you. I want you to be there. It happens. And there's just no harm and like being honest to me.

Like I actually can afford this. Yeah. And skimp on as much stuff as you can. Like I went to a wedding with Melanie and our boyfriends when I was I don't know, 24 or 25. I was managing a restaurant. I was making $40,000 a year. We had spent two nights in a hotel. I couldn't afford it.

So, like, all four of us shared a room. Like, you skimp as much as you can. Like, there's no shame in that, you know? And, yeah, like, you said, like, who would be mad at you for saying, like, I just can't do this? Yeah. I can't afford it. I've just never seen people just pick off friends the way, like, bridesmaids and brides do. Like, people just act so terrible to each other.

So, like, I hate to, like, give away the secret to pretty much every podcast episode we're ever going to do, but, like, have the conversation. Yeah. Just say the words. And that's the answer to pretty much every episode we're ever going to do. The money episode, the Bridesmaid. I was like, just tell somebody I can't afford it. There's no shame in it. No one will be mad to be out.

If someone gets mad that you can't spend $1,000 to come to this thing, fuck that person. That is brutal. Fuck that entitled bitch. Seriously. Yeah. You want to do your bridesmaid. Oh.

Bridemaid dress rent? Okay. I'm just going to let you take the floor. I don't, I mean, this, it's not going to sit well with everybody. And I think it is so. selfish for people to make their friends buy $300 dresses that they're going to wear one time and never wear again. I hate it. I've had it done to me and I'm still friends of those girls. I don't think they're selfish women. I think it's, I would never do it. And I just think it's wrong.

And I think that people have this vision they want. But like, if you really think about it, you want your friends to spend $250, $300, $350, $350 on a dress that they don't like to stand up there with you so you can have an army of girls that all look the same for whatever dumb reason. Like, it is so mean. It is so mean. So what do you think is an appropriate price point for bridesma dresses? Okay. Again, that's what you want to do.

Your friends have plenty of money. Do you do you? I've seen it done like a lot of different ways. Like I don't know. I think $150 is fine. And I think if you want bridesmaid dresses that are a whole lot more than that, you can pay the difference. I think like for Corey she just show me your mumo show me your mumo is great they're a little

pricier than I thought they are closer to 200 they're kind of in the 200 range but those are kind of wearable again I think but I like show me your mumu like the bridesma's dresses are great but when you get up in the 300 range like what are you doing to these girls I mean that's a lot for any piece of clothing I know it's a lot for any piece of clothing and they don't they're especially if they're not flattering like also if it's more expensive please God let it be like a bunch of different styles that I can choose. Like, you really want to put me in this heinous dress for $325. Like, I'm shook by this.

I think it's just so selfish. Why would you do that to somebody? I went to a wedding where all the bridesmaids were in Airbeiloget, like little band-aid dresses. I would die. I know. I would die if somebody would stand up there for 250 people in like a piece of spandex. That's my next thing.

So I think it is so mean to put your bridesmaids in unflattering tight dresses that are going to make them uncomfortable all night. These are your friends? Why are you doing this to your friends? Why are you like, you know what? I'm going to put you in a skin tight bandage dress and it's going to be flesh colored and you're going to feel uncomfortable the entire night so my pictures can look this certain way that I want them to look on Pinterest. Like, why? I've only known one person to do this and I know exactly what you're talking about it and it was crazy. She was like uncomfortable. She was dieting. She hated it. She was dreading it. She was dreading her friend's wedding because the dress that she was going to be forced to wear for God knows how much it cost.

I had to wear a backless dress, a backless halter dress with no bra to my brother's wedding. And like my titties do not go in a backless halter dress. That was a lot to manage. Dancing with no bra. I have doubledy boobs. Somebody could have died. Taking somebody's eye out. I know people are going to get upset by this.

I don't really care. This is my personal opinion. If you really think about the at its core, why are you making your friends? spend 300 plus dollars on a dress that they're never going to wear again. It's fucking rude. And I just think there's a lot of other options. I remember when Kate's brother got married, she just had a color palette that she had in mind. So she told the girls, these are the colors I like. Please run your options by me. You can micromanage as much as you want if you let people buy something within their own budget and style. I would love that. I love, here's what I'm thinking,

here's my vision. Pick out some dresses, send me them to approve. Because at least they can find something in their budget that's going to flatter them and they're going to enjoy the night. I mean, I don't care about the matching styles, whatever. Do what you want to be on the hook. I don't ever want to be on the hook for spending $300 on a dinner, on a dress, on anything that I'm never going to use again. I just don't. That is so much money.

Look, not a hot take, but you don't wear them again. Like, you never wear them again. I just gave a bunch to Goodwill the other day. That's not a thing. Sorry if I was in your wedding. I don't know. I think there's just, I think there's cheaper options. Look, if you have, if you have girlfriends,

everybody has a ton of money, do you have those pictures that you dream of for whatever reason, but it upsets me. And I, I hate it because I'm like on top of everything else that I have to spend on your special day, this dress, this dress. You've been waiting, you've been waiting to have this conversation, bubbling up, this dress. I think that's all, I think that's all I got. Is this everything we're going to talk about today? No. People want to talk about just spent, what do you spend on gifts and stuff like that? Oh, on gifts? Yeah, which I, Okay, wedding etiquette in general. Yeah, wedding.

Ooh, yeah, wedding etiquette. Ooh, plus ones and stuff like this. Plus ones, yes. Ooh, go to talk some real shit. Okay. Gifts. Personally, if I have to spend a whole bunch of money traveling to you, I'm a fucking cheap person, I don't know.

If I spend a whole ton of money, rent a car, fly, buy clothing, all that. You're probably not getting a gift from me. I'm sorry. Yeah. $100. I'm $100. That's a lot for a lot of people. A lot of money. I know it's very generous.

Yeah. Especially when you're younger, like $100 would break me back in the day, you know? Yeah, I think a lot of people don't necessarily expect a big extravagant gift when they have a destination wedding or that it cost a lot for you to get there. All the way they've gone to in the last like year are a pretty big destination one. Yeah. So I think if the wedding was super expensive, find the cheapest thing on the registry. It's on the registry. They still want it, you know. I like those, um, there's a lot of good options. Also, of course, Guy Zola is our wedding registry partner. They are not. in this episode, but we love them. Honeyfund, like, things like that that you can just donate a

certain amount to do, like, what, I'm making air quotes in honeymoon activities. I think I had a friend did that and she was like, we didn't doing that shit. She's like, we didn't go snorkeling. I think I paid for them to go snorkeling. I'm like, I just gave you the money. Like, I don't care if you fucking snorkel. Right. I'm not going to be out here. Like, send me those snorkeling picks. I gave you 100 bucks. Like, no, they just were like, no, we're going to just take the money. I like that idea. There's a million ways to give people's gifts today. So, I mean, whatever. But what do you think? Where I all, I, I, I, I, I, I also think, like, I'm not buying you more than two gifts.

I'd rather just buy one bigger gift, but like engagement party, shower, sometimes bachelorette gifts and wedding four gifts. You're not getting four gifts. Well, like, what if I never get married and have a kid? I'm just, it's like that sexist city episode. I'm just out here, four gifts out. And then you start having kids. I got to buy your kids gifts, all the showers and the birthday parties. When do I get gifts? Right. You got to register for those manolos. Like, Carrie. Seriously. I don't know. I just think it gets kind of crazy. and I can't imagine people getting seriously mad if you paid a much money to come to their wedding

to spend it with them and you didn't get them an expensive gift on top of it. I don't know. You don't need any more trivets. Yeah. There's enough serving platters in the world. You're fine. Yeah.

When I was getting married, I did get a ton of engagement presents all from like my parents' friends and his parents' friends. Like people that were older. Yeah. That like had established like a wealthy amount of money. My friends didn't send me gifts.

I don't know. What's normal? $100. 75 bucks, 150 if you're a couple. Yeah, I think that that's fair. Yeah. Cash. I mostly just want cash.

One fork. What? Like you register for like a fork. A fork. A pizza slicer. $40 in a pizza slicer. I'll take that gift any day. I'll take that gift now.

I know. I always hate when I like go to buy the wedding gifts and I'm like all the cool shit's gone. I'm like this just not on brand for me. Like I wanted to buy the pizza slicer. I had to buy somebody like a hamper, like a laundry hamper. And I was like this is so embarrassing. Every time they look at their hamper, they're like, Rana bought that for us.

So fucking embarrassing. A friend of mine, her ex used to pee the bed. And we looked at his wedding registry and she saw that there was a waterproof mattress cover on it. And she was like, I just want to send it to him. Oh, my God. It's like no power move. Power move, the most power of the entire world.

That is so funny. You don't register for the waterproof mattress cover. Like, just buy that on your own. It's like a dollar. Just have it sent to your apartment. That is so crazy. What else do people want to know? Plus ones for a wedding.

Do I have to give people plus ones? And can I ask for a plus one? I think that if somebody is traveling, it depends on how much, I mean, look, if you're throwing a wedding and you genuinely cannot afford

to give people plus ones because like I want to invite my friends but I don't necessarily want to spend $100 for an extra plate so that you could fuck a random stranger. Like, that's fine, you'll do what you can.

But like, I do think that if you expect somebody to travel for your wedding, like get on a plane, but like they should probably have a plus one. I can't. agree more. And this kind of goes back to, this probably should have been part of that conversation when I say, like, figure out a budget and a type of wedding that you can keep your guests happy because

they're like paying to travel and be there or whatever. Like, I know even my friends that got married and they were more in a budget, still get me a plus one, even though they knew I was single. Like, I just think as a rule, give plus ones. I, that's my personal belief. If you have to travel, you don't get a plus one. That is so rude. Like I had to buy a flight. I got to be in a hotel. Like, yeah, I might not bring somebody, but I better have the option. That is a crazy thing. A wedding that you have to travel to and spend all that money, Uber's, hotels, flights, you know, gifts.

And you want to send the message that you can't pay an extra $100 or whatever for an extra plate of food for a date for me. Especially for women. Like, I know we talked a lot about like being single to wedding and owning it looking beautiful, but that is most people's biggest fear is like coming into your wedding and being the single girl there. So like maybe people feel comfortable. Yeah.

Maybe people come. And I think a lot of people won't bring a guest. I think a lot of people more than often than not will be like, yeah, I'm probably not going to bring somebody. But like, yeah, give people the option. There's so much. I understand that there's budgets and I get it. So if a wedding was local and you have all these friends that are coming and they live in

your same city and everybody's single, like, I don't think you have to invite all them with a plus one. Like, I think that's definitely happened to me before. A wedding that all it's going to take for me to get there is an Uber. Like, I'm fine to go it alone. And that's just not a big deal. I mean, when you're younger and you just have a bunch of single, friends and everybody lives in the same city as you. I don't think you have to give all those people

a plus one. I mean, it's still a nice gesture, but it's not, you know, this horrible thing to me. Like, that's, that's no big deal. But I think brides maybe they get in their head. They're like, Ashley's so slutty. Like, I don't want to bring in some random dude. I never did, bitch. And I was a slut. I never brought a random dude. You know what I mean? Like, I still had manners. I hope like some Hawkeyes listen to our podcast and a couple people slide into my DMs and invite me on a first date to a wedding. Like, that's what I'm really hoping for in New York City. I would love it. If somebody took me like a first date to the Plaza Hotel to a wedding, just some big ass baller wedding.

I would have the time of my life. I'm such a fun wedding gift. I'd get hair and makeup done. Yeah. What do you think about hair makeup? Making people pay. Your guest? Etiquette wise hair makeup.

Bridesmaids? Yeah. I think again, you do what you can. My sister-in-law paid for me. I've had friends that paid for me. I mean, people need to have their hair and makeup done. Like if you want nice fun, like I don't. I don't, I think you should not force people to.

I think if you need everybody to have. have hair and makeup, you can pay for it. I think it's rude to be like, this is how much hair is, this is how much makeup is. I don't know. That's just me. Well, that's why... I can do my own hair makeup. I've done my own hair makeup before. I've had people be like, this is what it cost. And then I've declined and they've been like, we'll just pay for it. Then that's fine. I think, as a rule, that's me. This is like, you know, Ashley's wild opinions. I think it's rude to tell somebody, now you are here. You bought the dress. You also to pay to get your face and your hair done. Absolutely not. You want my face and my hair done. You can pay for it. If not,

it should be optional. You know, like this is how much hair is, how much makeup is. You can do it if you want. And I mean, I usually opt in. I love getting my hair makeup done. But there's been times when I had to choose between one of the two. Like, I'm pretty sure the one when I rolled up at 9 a.m., like I didn't have a lot of money.

I think I opted for the makeup and did my own hair. I did. I put my hair in like a side pony. And I got the makeup because I got done when I'm not as good at doing. You know what I mean? Like a punky booster side ponytail? That's how I envision it. You've like swept your whole hair to one side.

at the ponytail like over an ear? So we, I remember when my friend Alice got married, her husband's mom insisted, I think she paid for it,

just fine, insisted we all go to her hair salon. I mean, it was horrifying. What was happening with me in the chair was like,

everybody was like, Ashley's going to blow a gasket. I was like, I'm seeing tendrils. I'm seeing tend. This is like in some suburbs in Virginia. Like this lady

is used to prom dues from the 90s. And I was like, I can't believe. The teeny tiny curl and iron she had out giving me tendrils. And I was like having a meltdown. Had to have a restart three times. I wouldn't want to be that hairstylist.

I can't even imagine what that must have been like for her. And I was like, Alex, what is going on? She's like, this is like Matt's mom's salon or whatever. And I'm like, okay, well, Deborah is not really understanding the vision that I'm having. You're going to get fired from the wedding if you don't stop talking. That's what's about the vision that I'm having. But I was like, do you want me to look like I'm going to prom? 98 or what?

I don't know. I just think it's a nice thing to do for your bridesmaids. That's all. You think like if you can. Like obviously you have a vision for how you want people to look. It's a nice thing to do for the people. And I just, my personal opinion is it's people act like they're the only person that's ever

gotten married and they expect their friends to shell out thousands of dollars. And it's wild to me. Yeah, me too. I don't like it. I mean, I think at the end of the day, like my advice for everybody is like, just don't be a fucking dick. Okay. If you're a bride, like just let people enjoy it.

Don't be a bride. It would be horrible to everybody. Just enjoy, enjoy planning your wedding. If you're a bridesmaid, I don't know, if you don't like the hair or like the dress,

as long as it's affordable, shut the fuck up. Go along with it. Yeah. Just like enjoy the day. Everybody should just like have a good time. Relax. It's a party.

Okay. Everybody, like all these friendships that like just disintegrated to nothing over a party. It's a party. But people act crazy. Everybody acts crazy.

Yeah. Except for me because I just canceled my wedding. All right. So yeah, in conclusion, just don't be a dick and just don't think the whole. whole world revolves around you.

Like the only people that need to think that are your, are your parents and your immediate family. Yeah. And if you are listening to this podcast, please invite me to your wedding. If you're a guy, please invite me as a date. Wait,

we met crashing a wedding. I'm so glad we remembered. Like an hour after we met, we crashed a wedding. Yeah. The bride kicked us out. The bride was not having it. Foo,

she's stormed over us. We got blocked by the men at that wedding. Oh my God. Okay. So Ashley and I met in Aruba on the beach at this hotel. And then, yeah, we had dinner. We were so drunk. We went to this wedding.

We were talking to all these guys. And she, like, like a bat out of hell. She kicked us out. She was not having it. Well, we heard the music. Obviously, we were like moths to a flame because I'm sure it was like, let's get it started in here. And we were like, oh, wedding song. We like, beeline to this wedding.

The men came running. Groomsmen were like, they were honest. They were like, ladies, come in. They were inviting us into the wedding. We were two steps inside this wedding on this, like, beachfront hotel and that bride. she was not having it she like a bat out of hell was like this is not happening

you're leaving my wedding right now I totally forgot about that I know Corey had some wedding crashers we'd like get them removed like young guys get the fuck out of here I mean if you're gonna crash a wedding

do it subtly yeah but you would just tell because they're wearing like you know fucking shorts yeah wear the right outfit and going right after the dinner yeah do it appropriately yeah we'll do a whole other bonus episode

on how to crash wedding how to crash weddings oh love wedding so much I feel like we covered a lot of ground. We cover a lot of ground. And then our game today is very in line with weddings. I've been itching to do this for so long. We're going to do fuck Merry Kill,

former guest edition. Is that what you have all former guests? No, not all former guests. Oh, you don't? I only have one. I mean, how many have we really had? I have two former guests. Okay.

And I have some other ones. I would thought to be appropriate. I'm excited. Yeah. I only have former guests. I feel like I'm just going to live my truth. through all of these. I feel like I'm going to ask you the questions, but really, I just want to answer them.

So back to me. Okay, hit me with your first former guest. Fox Mary Kiel, this is the most, this is the most important one that Ashley and I, spoiler, I've been discussing this for this. Yes. Oh my gosh. We talk about this like we're trying to discuss peace in the Middle East. Okay.

Fuck Mary Kale. Naftah conversations. Former guest edition. Ari Shafir, Chris DeSappano, Dan Soder. They're all so hot. It's crazy. Okay. Well, I'll answer it.

Then you have to answer because I had that one too. You know in my mind? All I hear is Dan started yelling that Ari Shafir is a big old donger. He's got a big old donger. Okay. I am. I already said this, but I can't remember. Oh, fuck.

Okay. Fucking Ari Shafir. That big old donger. I know this is tough for you. I'm marrying Chris DeStefano. No, but. Okay. All we said, also didn't we say like other weird stuff aside?

like I don't want to marry him and like his baby mama kill me, right? Are we taking that out of the mix? Are we including it? Well, your original answer was that you would marry Chris, but then I reminded you of the, Oh, you reminded me of his baby mama. Who will probably murder you. All right.

You want to be brave or not? I don't want to fuck Chris either with the sperm. You'll be pregnant in 30 seconds. Chernobyl, Chris. I still think I'm going to marry him. You're fucking all right. I'm fucking Ari. Oh, right.

So killing. Oh, I had to kill Dan Soder. Hmm. I don't want to have. deprive the world of him. It's a hard one, man, right? I'm not going to marry him. Okay.

I still think I'm just going to marry Chris DeSephano. I hope his baby mama doesn't hear this. I just think we would like laugh forever. I don't think he's super damaged, you know? No. Like, I don't care about being a stepmom. So like, I don't care about mothering that girl. Like, I'm not a threat to the baby mama.

Right. I'm just going to like let him live his life and, you know, I think we'd be good. I think you guys would have fun hanging out together. Yeah. And then I guess kill Dan Soder. Well, that's so sad. But I really do want to fuck Arisvira in that big old donger. Big old don't know.

I have a different answer than you do. I don't even know if I want to. I want to fuck Arishefira and it's big old donger. I do. I just like, I just want to. He just has like such big energy. I just want to fuck him so bad.

Jesus Christ. And then I'm going to take the opposite route. I'm going to marry Dan Soder, even though I just think he's so funny. I could listen to tell me jokes forever. Yeah. I love Chris. I think he's so great.

I just think he's still in love with his baby mama and I can't compete with that I can't compete with she's very cute I cannot compete with her Not pretty enough All right well I'm gonna I said what I said At least we're not fighting about it

I do I love him He's wonderful Okay are you ready Yeah hit me Fuck Mary Kill 2020 2020 presidential candidate edition Ooh okay

I hope I know who all them are All right Oh God Do you know who Cory Booker is Okay Beto Rourke and Joe Biden he's a maybe he's not like fully but Joe

Corey Cory Beido Beto I think I'm gonna fuck Corey Because I think he's the biggest deck That's just That's what I think I'm gonna marry Beto O'Rour

Because I just think that he's just like charming And lovely And I could live a life with him I could make a home with him Yeah And then like Listen I love Joe Biden But he's gonna die soon anyways

Like he's gonna die the soonest So I'd feel the least bad killing him I get it Which is tough for me I love him so much. But I look at him more as a father figure than a husband figure. Well, you know, people are so upset about his hugging. Yeah, also.

Can we just put... I do want to... Samaral has a very funny bit. It's on his Instagram right now about Joe Biden's hugging. It seems like the funniest person alive. But I hear what you're saying. I'm not going to answer this. If I say I kill Joe Biden, the people of Delaware, come for me.

I just, I don't want to kill him because I love him so much. I'm like such a fan. Mary Beto. Hardcore. Hardcore. And then Cory Booker. I mean, that guy fucks. He's got a big old donger.

I want to marry Bado's so bad. Do you have another one? I do. Okay. Also, former guest edition. I'm going to hit you with the females this time. Oh, God. Okay. I feel bad about this. I love them all so much, but I'm going to make you do this. Past female guest edition. Yes. Emma Wellman. Okay. Nikki Glazer and Remy. I know you're going to say Remy. Because I'm, I think I'm attracted to all of them. They're all so beautiful. I can't answer this. Well, you got to. I can't kill any of them. one of them get a pass.

You fuck one of them, you marry one of them and the other one just gets to like living in your guest house. I really can't. Like, I don't, I knew you'd hate this one. I can't fuck Remy

because you gotta do all the work with the vibrator and all that kind of stuff. I mean, definitely, I think I would like fuck Emma because she's the man one. I'm the man one. I'm the man one.

I just want to see what that's about. Nikki's gonna be your life partner. I guess that could be, Lenicky now have become pretty close. Yeah. I think we could be. I'm not killing Remy. though until after I do her show at stand-up

NY. And you know what? I'll... Let me plug that show. Remi of our episode about how to come. I'm doing her show at Stand-Up, N. Y. And the 25th, I think. I mean, she's just so wonderful you couldn't marry. She also would, like, probably... You could try to kill her, but she'd tell jokes the whole time. All right. Well, I'm going to kill her for the sake of the game, but also plug the show. So come see me and Remy. You'll be there, I think.

It's a given take. April 25th. April 25th. Whatever. It's on her Instagram bio. It's on my Instagram story. Stand-Up and Y. It's going to be a great show. She already talked about on our episode. and I'm on the show. I'm so, so I'm going to do the show, kill Remy. Mary Nikki, fuck I'm a woman.

Just love all of them. All right. I guess that's it. You guys hit our website. Girls Got to eat podcasts for the stupid live shows. We still have some tickets left in Seattle and Portland. They are extra stupid. They're extra stupid.

Take your stupid asses to our stupid website. Yeah. Get your stupid tickets. Yeah, follow along on social media. And that's it. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Have a good week.

Bye. Bye. Bye.