Girls Gotta Eat - Are You Getting Gaslighted?

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

We're deep diving into another cute manipulative behavior in relationships: Gaslighting! We discuss how to recognize it, how to address it, if it can be fixed, and even the origination of the term. Also on the episode: Netflix recs, Ashley's secret podcast past, Rayna's new live show request, being friends with exes, condom storage, and more. And we're wrapping it up with a sweet and spicy round of How I Knew It Was Real. We hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Billie: Go now to save 10% off your razor at mybillie.com/gge. ThirdLove: Go to thirdlove.com/gge to get 15% off your first purchase. The Real Real: Sign up and get $25 off your first purchase w/in 1 week then 20% off select items at therealreal.com with code REAL. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People can't argue with you if you do that. What? And I don't think that's crazy at all. Have the receipts at all times. Have a receipt folder on your phone. All my phone is is pictures of Dewey and receipts. That's it. You know, I'm not happy.

I'm happy to be here. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. I'm going to carry this one. I've been here for, here's my reply. I've been here for three hours. We've been having a meltout. We? Sorry.

There's no internet in the house studio right now. my crush isn't texting me. Our pets' heads are falling off. How do we even know what the weather is? I can't look it up on the internet. I can look outside. It looks great. That's the report.

It's a day. No, it's like 40, sunny. It feels nice. But we've been cooped up in dealing with tech support. I've been dealing with Ashley. Ashley's been dealing with tech support. It's been a lot. Anyway.

But we made it. We made it and we're here. I am in a dark place. Your life is great. There's nothing to be in a dark place about. It's been one of those mornings. Like, you know, you just wake up and shit just starts hitting the fan the second you wake up. Like I got a text from Verizon.

They overcharge me for my bill. So then I'm like on the phone with them. The guy low-key hits on me. He's looking at my Instagram while we're talking. I'm chatting with a tech support person who's on my Instagram. That's crazy. We're going to unpack this. But I'm going to say something that's going to make you happy.

Oh, okay. I mean, it's not surprised. You know what's happening. But I'm going to announce new. show dates. Oh, should we just restart that? No, it's funny. Okay. Okay. I'm going to announce new show dates and you can talk about all the cities that you love. These are all the places you love the most. Okay. Okay. I'm like a mother just like dealing with a daughter having a tantrum. She's like, it's going to be okay. I'm like, is it? Anyways, um, new show dates. We are so excited to announce

these for you guys. Links are live. We are coming back to the West Coast and the Pacific Northwest. Thank God. So we're going straight in a row. We're coming to Vancouver. I made 20. Seattle, May 29th, Portland, May 30th. And then we are taking an extra day to hang in Portland, and then an extra day to hang in San Francisco before our show in San Francisco on June 2nd. All of these cities, I'm so amped. I'm so excited. Portland, miss you every day.

Ashley talks about Portland all the time. More than anybody I've ever met. I love it so much. It was one of my absolute favorite shows last year. I cannot wait to go again. All these shows. So Vancouver, I mean, that show was so lit last year for JFL. Seattle was so much fun.

San Francisco. We just have like crazy, funny stories from every single city. Those are truly some of our favorites. Yeah, it was a great trip. We had so much fun. So we're great back. Great food cities. Great man cities.

Yes. And we get to go to Vancouver early and hang out there. Ugh. We're doing totally different theaters. And the last time we were in all these places. So if you came last year, it'll be somewhere different, but just as much fun. Over the top, crazy, wild. I'm really amped.

Yes. So get those tickets. San Francisco went quick. The quickest I've ever seen tickets, though. I was shocked. All these will. So get on them. And we'll see you guys there. I'm so, so excited to announce these. You're right. This did turn my minute around. I knew it.

Just thinking about Portland, honestly. I was thinking about the dick in Vancouver. I feel like they don't get enough, like, enough attention for the Vancouver dick. Everybody I've ever met from that place is hot and nice. Well, we just, we were there in the winter. We were pretty busy. We spent Valentine's Day in Vancouver last month. We didn't have a lot of time.

We didn't have a lot of time to do other stuff. This time we're going to go early. It's going to be warm out. When we were there last year in February, I just remember walking and biking around the city and being like, this is like a summertime city. Like the stuff that was like, you know, outdoorsy, closed down for the winter season looked incredible.

Like some great patio vibes and got to eat that Beyonce sushi again. Take a bike ride around the seawall. I cannot wait. I actually went to a bike ride around the seawall. I went to Tim Hortons. That was my activity. I ended up, like, hitting a snowbank. I did carry my bike through the snow.

I was like, I am so rugged. You worked out so hard. I got super Tim Hortons. So humiliate. But anyway, guys, we're coming back. Girls Gotta eatpodcast.com, stupid liveshows.com. Again, this is a snack city tour, 2020. Snack, snack, snack city, bitch.

It just got to remind you. And no more stupid live shows. We literally don't care of shows. Literally. Could you guys just get through this quicker? I literally don't care. You just want to say it every episode. Your delivery's on point.

It's very fun to say, I literally don't care. I don't know if we ever told people this. She wrote a set email on Christmas. Everybody's like, living their best life, enjoying being so thankful for family. Yes.

And she's just like, you know what? I'm going to light these girls up. Right. She's sitting in the living room with her dog or her family. She's like, I need to tell these strangers

that I literally don't care about anything they say. You are so Christmas. I came through on Christmas. Oh my God. She didn't have a good Christmas. But it made us laugh. Thank you for that present.

Whoever you are. I want to hear from her. You just said you can't believe we haven't heard from her. I can't believe it either. I have a lot of things to run through. I know you do. I have almost nothing to run through. We're going to engage on all these things.

We're going to get my lot of jobs. Okay. This thing, real quick, out of the gate, I wanted to say, this makes me laugh so hard. We said it last week. We did benefits for Australia and they benefited the World Wildlife Fund. Yeah.

I was saying World Wildlife Federation, like World Wrestling Federation. So in my head, I was thinking, WWF, I was calling it the World Wildlife Federation. And a girl from the World Wildlife Fund messaged me. And she was like, hey girl, she was so funny about it. Get the fuck out of here. You've said it twice.

And I just wanted to let you know that it's fun. And I was like, I literally had wrestling in my head. And she was like, I know people think I work for wrestling all the time. The company is like, I know you've done. I know you've given us tens of thousands of dollars, but I just want to let you know. That is so funny. There's no charity called the Federation. That's straight up wrestling.

Also, I think WWF, like they all combined. I think it's all WWE now, like World Wrestling Entertainment. That's the brand. So WWF was like a thing from when we were kids, I think. But still, I've been on here calling it the Federation. It does not. Anyway, guys, just want to clarify. I think you got on your brain because we were actually talking about somebody fighting

at the show. And I think you or some, but whoever we talking was like, well, it is the WWF. That's probably why I got in your head. Yeah. That's a good call. It's not your fault. I wonder at what like donation level they would stop correcting us. Like it's because we didn't give enough money.

Oh my God. I just think she thought it was funny. She was really cool about it because I don't, I sometimes I'm like, you don't need to correct me, but I'm like you can say in the wrong word. If it's a charity, you could correct me.

Yeah. If it's, uh, the thousands of you had slid into my DMs and tell me that I'm pronouncing Laquois wrong. I'm all set. I got it. Yeah. You just pronounce it wrong again.

Live your truth. It's my truth. Let's say whatever you want. It's your podcast. Yeah. You know what? It's my show. Okay.

You have other stuff. And then at the end, we'll give some entertainment racks. Yeah. That's where I'm going to shine. Yes. And this, you probably already saw in the description, but this episode is just us. And it's about gas lighting. And we are so excited to talk about manipulative male behavior, one of our favorite topics.

But we have a lot of stuff to run through in this intro, though. It's just funny. Shooting the shit. I'm excited. Because last week was so, like, self-helpy. Yeah. Like, Connor, so smart. and like insightful and we're just going to like not do that.

We have, Raina, we are insightful and smart. Yeah. Not as much as Connor though. Listen, I've had a dating podcast this 2010. Guys, she's not being sarcastic. Ashley, I thought I knew everything about her. She fully told me on Saturday that she had a dating podcast. In 2010, I didn't even know podcasts existed then.

I literally forgot. Are you the pioneer of podcast? If anyone ever says that we ripped anybody off, which we didn't, or anything about us, you tell them, Ashley Heseltine had a dating and sex podcast in 2000 in motherfucking 10. I just didn't. How did you know a podcast? I don't know. I'll be brief with it. But here's the thing. So, you know, if you know my career story, basically I quit a full-time job in PR in 2010 and then transition into freelance writing. We'll talk about this more in a bonus episode soon. I think we're going to talk about our careers.

And then I was just hustling. I was doing all kinds of stuff. I was actually went back on Facebook to find this stuff about the podcast because I remembered it out of the blue one day. And I was like hosting events. I was doing all kinds of like random stuff. I was event planning and like writing on the side, like really hustling. And I had this guy friend at a radio station. It's no longer in Atlanta. It was called Dave FM back in the day. And I don't even know. Like that word, I didn't even know I knew that word in 2010. Like that was before serial. That was before, I guess people still knew what it was. It was just like some form of audio, you know, that was like not radio. And he and I just started chatting. And,

his name's Rich Sullivan, Sully. He went by Sully at that time. Maybe he still does. And we were just got like shooting the shit. He was like, we should do a podcast. And then so we just started doing this like weekly podcast that Dave Fem would put it on their website. And we really, we would talk about what's going on. It was Atlanta local, you know, but we would talk about what was going on Atlanta for the weekend and like really talk about sex and dating. And I had this thing of like, I remember doing this.

I can't remember when it was. It like popped into my head like, I used to have a podcast. And then I went deep on Twitter and found all these tweets about it. Uh-huh. where we talked about like sex addiction, dating, and like being ghosted, that word probably wasn't around, but whatever we said at the time.

I was like, this is so funny. I think we probably only did like 10 episodes. But did iTunes podcasting exist? No. Like it wasn't, I said it was on a website. Yeah, I think it was like a component of radio at that time.

You know, like radio stations had podcasts, which is basically just like other additional not live content. So no, it's streamed on their site. Like the links are no longer around. So you can't find it. I'd gladly share it if I could. I'd love to listen.

see how bad I was talking about dating back then. But no, there wasn't like iTunes podcasting, which I'm not sure when that came about, but I think a lot of us discovered podcasts with cereal and this American life and stuff like that. But yeah, Pioneer right here. That is so wild. I told Raina, I go, I got to tell you something crazy.

She was like, I had a dating podcast. Actually, you said I had to tell you something crazy and I didn't respond for three hours, so you just never said it. I like to me the validation. I need it too. What I say to somebody like, you're never going to believe what just happened.

I need them to ask what. Or at least a question mark, or at least like do the question mark on the iPhone reactions. You were in a movie also. Jeremy and I went to Ford versus Ferrari, which I do not recommend. Academy Award Raina. Just like I'm slaying the Oscar nods.

You got a checklist. People keep asking me why my little women isn't on it. And I just feel like I saw the Winona Ryder version of it. I've read the book. Like I don't need to see any more versions of it. It just doesn't interest me. I said this two, three weeks ago. We want fresh content.

We want original content. The bar is high. I don't want to see remakes of anything. especially something I've seen in my lifetime, like pretty recently. That's the thing. Yeah, like 10 years ago? I mean, let's, let's just say what, say what it is. A star is born, that's fine.

The last star is born was so many decades ago. Right. They did it totally differently than Barbara Streisand and whoever was in the original. Like, no, we've, you're right. That's such a good call. We've seen another version of it. I just feel like, do I need to see it? No.

People are like Greta Gerwig. That are named. Yeah. Who was in Lady Bird? No. Yeah. Yeah. That's who star is.

Like, she's so amazing. I don't know, personally, I just don't feel like, there's no new news there for me. I don't need to see it like remade again. I don't need to see, I don't need to see Ford versus Ferrari. That was a new movie and I hated that too. I just, you know, no old content I think that I've already seen. I think these girls forget that I'm old as shit. So they don't realize I've already seen this movie. Yeah. But yeah, so Rainey didn't respond. But she did then respond and I was like, I had a dating podcast in 2010. She was like, get the fuck out. And I kind of got a stream of texts. People being like, congrats on your first podcast. This week we're talking about sex. Wild.

I didn't know what podcasts were until 2015. I think that's when I started listening to like cereal. I don't know, maybe two years before I met you. Yeah, so I would like to go back in this.

I think the first cereal was probably the first for a lot of people. And I think that was maybe, I don't know, I don't remember. Yeah, so we didn't invent podcasting or live podcasts, but you know,

we're trying to, but Ashley did. I got the receipt. Ashley had a podcast five years before a podcast existed. I think that's most of my anecdotes. I mean, yeah, I am dating this guy from Verizon now. This is the craziest thing that I have ever seen in a customer service rap.

The craziest. I'm not trying to put him on blast or get him fired. He's been so wonderful. But like, he commented about my Instagram while we're on a support chat. I'm just trying to think of like what the train of events that happened to like led him to like Googling you. Like they've got to be on. Verizon has got to be on the phone with somebody every second all day of their shift.

Like, what led this guy to, like, look you up? Right. I'm so confused. And my thing is, like, how do you know what's even me? I mean, my name is pretty unique. But, like, how would you know it's the right Ashley Hustle time? I don't know. He commented, as in, like, really liked your croissant post.

Like, he commented on the post I had just posted. Like, Colin, are you on my Instagram right now? There's got to be some kind of profile. You think, like, Verizon has your Instagram on my Instagram? Has my Instagram? Maybe. Maybe it's more of that. I'm not even, like, I'm really not even, I'm flattered.

I think you. Colin, we are together now. You know, I am taken. Colin's a hot name. I never met a Colin. I didn't like.

That's a good call. Oh, yeah. I love the name Colin. It's like, it's close to like Tyler or Trevor and like the white bro like area,

but like I don't know. I almost separate it from white bro names. I love it. Colin? Yeah. I say like Colin. Like I like the way my mouth moves when I do it. Okay.

You like the way your mouth moves when you're with a Colin. Yes, that's fair. And then I want to give one more hinge thing. I got to tell you about this. I haven't told you any of this stuff. I was just like, I did this thing at the three. I'm like, what the fuck is your life?

So last night, I forgot that I changed my hinge prompt around the holidays to mention home alone because I just thought it was funny. And people were coming on home alone. I was like, I have a deep passion for home alone, whatever. And I forgot. I never changed it back, which whatever. I love the movie all year round, to be clear. Some guy was like, do you know the conspiracy theory that Uncle Frank conspired with Harry and Marve to

rob his brother? And I was like, yeah. I was like, that's my favorite conspiracy theory. I never read this. My internet friend, Rob Fee, who's a writer, wrote the original article and mandatory about this conspiracy theory. And he was like, no way, I've read that article. And then we start going back and forth on Home Alone stuff.

And then I was like, have you seen on Netflix the movies that made us, which is the best documentary about Home Alone I've ever seen? And he was like, no. And I was like, how can you even call yourself a fan? And then he said something about the, he said the deepest Home Alone cut I've ever heard. I had to Google it. He said something about, I said I lived in the East Village and he was like, I think that's where Uncle Rob and Aunt Georgette lived, which are like a very quick part of Home Alone too

when they're talking about their relatives in New York. It is, you have to know it inside and out to know that deep cut. I had to Google it to even know what he meant. And then I was like, oh my God. So then I'm like, I cannot believe you just whipped out Uncle Rob and Aunt Georgette with and haven't seen the movies that made us on Netflix. So we start going back and forth. He was like, should I turn off Aaron Hernandez for this?

We'll get to that. And we're going to talk about this forever. I was like, finish Aaron Hernandez, then we'll talk. This is two in the morning. I'm like, also, do you sleep? Who are you? He's you? He's me.

And then so we start talking and I said, oh, I visit the home loan house in Chicago in December. And he was like, no way, shut out. That's awesome. And I was like, well, you wouldn't even know anything about it because you haven't seen the documentary. And I was like, I'll send you the photo after you watch the documentary. And he was like, how are you going to send me the photo? I don't have your number.

And I said, you watch a documentary. Then you get my number. Then you get the photo. then we go to Little Niro's Pizza. Then we get married. And he was like, done. So I have convinced this guy to watch a documentary before he gets my phone number.

This is a strong move. This guy's like, she's making me work for it. I like, he was basically like, I need your number. I'm like, no. Not till you Netflix. I like this guy. I've never been able to fully go back and forth on home alone like that with somebody. Yeah, but it's not just home alone.

It's somebody whose brain works in a very specific way to remember those various, but he might not have seen the movie for 15 years, like, you don't know. Like, my brother's like that too. He can recall every line, every detail. Like, it's just not how my brain works. I don't have a good memory

and I don't pick up on details like that. Like, it's a very specific type of person that's like that. And I'm, like, envious of it. Like, it's a very specific personality trait. Yeah. And Georgette, I mean, I know something like that. It's wild.

And the fact that he was like, I think they lived in the East Village. I laughed out loud. I like this guy. I know. What's his name? Tyler. White bro name.

Is it a white bro name? It is Tyler. I think it's Tyler. Big forehead. I love a big head. You do? Just in general. I love a big head.

Do you want a five head? A five head? I've never met a man. Your face looks like it's pushed down a little. I never met a man that I ever thought about their forehead. Let's have a live reaction. Okay. Yeah.

Just us today. You don't know what you're in for. 19 minutes. Just letting loose. He, the thing is he, at first of all, he's very cute. cute. I wouldn't have noticed the forehead thing unless you pointed it out. He just, um, yes, he has a predominant five head. But also he quotes Jim Halpert. Yes. I want to date this guy.

I know. And look at the dog. The dog picture is. Look at the caption on it. Breaking Bad, Billions and the Sopranos. Have you seen any of those three shows? Are you guys going to have anything to talk about? Oh my God. You got to school me on these shows. Yeah, I'll jump in. Well, I don't know. You guys need to talk about those shows. If he doesn't watch a documentary, we're not going out. Yeah, but he watched Aaron Hernandez, which is easily my favorite documentary of 2020 at least. Yeah, I was on fire at 2 in the morning. Yeah, he should just know this is your pattern. You are always on fire at 3 o'clock in the morning. I can't talk to you after like 10 o'clock. First of all, I'm two stone. But other than that, like, you do so much work in the middle.

We're just so different. I work in the middle. I could never do work after like 6 p.m. I can't answer an email unless it was an emergency. You're like just getting going. Just getting going. Yeah. You, like, have so many thoughts and feelings. It's starting at, like, 8 p.m. I don't even know what to do with myself. And then I just start smoking weed, and I can't do anything. I don't respond to anybody. I don't, like, get that high.

I take, like, a few hits every night before bed. But, like, I have a couple glasses of wine, and then I have some weed. Really? Probably a lot. No, that's just like, no, I don't mean that to judge you. I don't know that you were doing wine and weed. Yeah, a lot of nights. Raino, Wine and Weing, Greenberg.

I'm coming out as an alcoholic. I live alone. Like, what else do you do in the evening if you're drinking or spoken? No, it's no judgment. I just thought most people alone would do one or the other because the combo can be deadly for some people, not deadly. You know, for me, like my terrible weed experience has, have been A, edibles, but B, when I was also drinking. Yeah, I just too much.

I do a glass of wine. I call one of my family members because I have to be drunk, especially with my mom. It was wonderful, but I just like being drunk. She's always drunk, so we should be drunk together. And actually these fans. in D.C. dropped off a charcutory board and blunts. Well, to be clear, they dropped off a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc for me and blunts for Raina. And that is the most definitive thing about who we are as people.

They both knew we wanted the charcutory. And they were like, Ashley's going to want a nice bottle of Robert Mondavi, Raina, two blunts. I'm like, you know me. I love Robert Mondavi. Love a Savvy B. I don't love Sammy and Blonde, but I don't like Sammyon Blonde. I don't like Sammyon. It tastes like perfume to me.

Oh, I love it. But Kimmy C. Got to have it. Isn't it like garbage? Kim Crawford? Doesn't cost like $3? First of all, do not say that. They listen.

And no, it's not cheap. I'm thinking of Sutterholm. Sorry. I take it back. Kim Crawford. I'm sorry, guys. I take it back. I know you guys listen.

I'm a dick. I'm sorry. No, I love Kim Carford. Anyway. The blunts were medical grade blunts and they were sealed, by the way. Yes. Because you weren't just out here like going rogue,

smoking fan drugs. Fan blunts. I texted this guy. Ever heard of fan love? Fan Bluntz. Please bring me more Blunts to shows. I'm really not. Do you really want that?

Yes, I really, really want that. Bring me Blunts. Chuck them on stage. Do not chuck bottles of Sauvignon Blonde on me. Please. Place those on the stage. You can chuck. You can chuck Blunts at me all night.

Place the Kim Crofts gently on the stage. I'm finding that I like blunts. If people throw blunts at you at our shows, get the video cameras out. It will be my favorite thing that has ever happened. And then I laugh at the... I want boomerangs of Blunts flying. My favorite was and those girls through Lufas at us on stage for your butthole.

For my behole. Really, for me, my behole. Yeah, definitely for you. Oh, also, we didn't even mention the other cities. We still have tickets left for. We're all out of order today. But we still have tickets left in L.A. Coming up very soon.

So excited. Going to be such a good show. And some tickets left in Dallas and Houston and Australia. A limited ticks left. A few left in Sydney and a few left in Melbourne. So we want to see you guys there. And Philly Night 2. I remembered it.

What do you forget? Sorry, Tampa, Orlando and Miami. Listen, guys, we're doing... I always get there. Yeah, you always get there. I just like, I let you do it. I want my ex to come in Tampa. I'm so jealous of you and your ex that are friends.

I mean, I haven't talked to my ex in years and he's married as a child, but like, I just would love to, like, see, like, these people that you had this history with, we didn't break up badly. It's just like, I would love to be like, not even like look at me now, like, rub in his face, just like, hey, like, we met each other when we were 21. You know, like, it would be so cool to, like, see him and be like, how are you? Who's, who'd you marry? Look at your cute kid.

Like, I don't know. I got, like, very, I wax poetic about being friends with long ago exes, you know? I think it's really, I mean, Mike has known me since I worked at Groupon. He was there when I started One Hungry Jew. We, like, celebrated when I hit 10,000 followers of One Hungry Jew. He helped me negotiate my contract at Amazon. Like, he watched me do all those things. And he came to our first show in D.C. at the improv and then was able to see us, like, level up.

And he sent me this, like, really beautiful sweet text message about how proud he is. of me, which is not really like on brand for him. You know, he's so nice. But, like, he really has been able to see me, like, grow up and change. And it's just, I mean, I have lots of girlfriends that, but no significant other that much. I don't know. I guess I'm just lucky to have it. It's nice.

It's nice. It's really a special relationship when there's enough time and space and you can, like, actually have, not like, best friends, but, like, be close to somebody that you had that type of relationship with. I think it's really nice. But last time I talked to that guy, I think it was, like, right before I even started doing stand-up. So I feel like he was, like, what happened to you?

your life, you know, it would just be so cool. So I don't think I'm going to do anything about it, but I don't know. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And I think that the, like, a good litmus test for these kind of, like, really, we always say like, can you be friends the next? Like, I could see him with, him and I talk about the person he's dating. We talk about, like, what they do together. And he, like, has asked me, like, is it weird if I do this or say this or take her here? I feel nothing about that. Of course. And so that's the litmus test. And I think that, like, and that guy is married with kids. Like, I don't think he would ever see him and have a feeling about it. No, I don't, I mean, I've decided not to be with them. I don't have feelings

from you. Right. There was also so long ago. And I think as long as you don't feel like you're going to walk away feeling bad or sad, like, then you should be able to be friends of the next, I guess. I mean, oh yeah, there's, every, every situation is different. But I just like, I'm, I always like, I think it's so cool that you had your ex that's the DC show front row. Like, it was just, it's such a cool thing. It's cool. It's weird. It's just, it's, I always love that all of our friends have gotten to see us at these smaller venues too. And then like, you know, I meaner anyways. You guys literally don't care about this. Can't stop.

All right. Before we do the episode, should we give some entertainment wrecks? Yes. I'm going to have to hold myself back. Okay. Listen, about a year ago, this guy who was a guest on our podcast, I was taking a drive and he was like, I asked him what podcast to and he was like, there's this Aaron Hernandez podcast. And I was like, I like football. I guess I'll listen to it. I, if you guys don't know who Aaron Hernandez is, he was a football player for the Patriots who went to prison and then killed himself. But he murdered a bunch of people, allegedly.

Definitely won. Definitely did them. One to four people. But, yeah, I listened to an eight-part podcast, then it came out. And I was so excited for you to see this. On Netflix. Yes. Yeah, I just want to be clear.

Three-part documentary on Netflix. I was so amped for you to watch it. Yeah. Did you die? No pun intended. I have so many feelings about it. Like, I don't want to get too deep with it, but it's just, it's really, it's a heartbreaking story.

Like, I don't have sympathy for a murderer, but you said this before I watched it. You were like, you will see exactly how he turned out the way he did. And it is startling to watch the amount of trauma that this person went through. Like from, I mean, I guess I don't know if you guys know the whole story. I won't give too much away. But the amount of trauma, but he had dealt with abuse. His dad died unexpectedly. His mom brought him another dude immediately, like a family friend.

Like, all of it is like the amount of pent up anger that must have been inside this guy. and then to add literal brain damage on top of it. They got his brain after he committed suicide. They got his brain immediately. His family was like, take it, study it. We want to see the damage. And I'm not blaming, you know, both of us feel the same way. You don't murder people because you have CTE.

But like combined, his was one of the worst cases I think they've ever seen. Combined with the amount of trauma and anger that this guy had is like, of course he snapped. Like he was so, and I don't think he's that smart. Like you hear him talking to his mom on these calls from jail or from prison. he's like, you ruin my life. And he was like, it's like, you hear this person that's like, knows that they're so traumatized and so damaged, but they can't necessarily even put their finger on

and they're clearly not going to seek help. They're not going to get therapy. You know, it's this whole mentality to be masculine and not show vulnerability. And the amount of anger, like I was getting angry watching it. You'd hear it at the very end, they're like, oh, he was abused when he was a kid too. You're like, what?

Or like molested, sorry. Like, I, it is heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking for the people that he killed. It gave me a lot of feelings. I ended it on like a very sad note. Yeah, I watched you twice. I mean, I felt the same way and I just felt like, we'll talk about this other documentary I watched too,

but I think that like, you know, we have to listen to children when they say that I'm hurting and that I'm scared and I need help and like actually give them the help that they need. And like, of course this person turned out like this, one other option. Show me a person that has been a closeted homosexual, sexually abused, lost their parents and is a normal functioning human being. I don't care if you're a millionaire, which he was.

But like, there's no way you're okay. And I don't have any sympathy for anybody like this. Just like I don't care if a child molester was molested as a child. You still grew up made choices. And you know, plenty of people have CTA and they don't murder people. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, it's really like a real thinker about like what we go through in nature versus nurture. And, you know, was he born like this?

And people like he's a sociopath. I don't think I feel like this sympathy for Aaron Hernandez as a child. I don't think without the childhood trauma, he would have been a murderer. I don't think the CT alone or the brain damage did it. It was like the thing, I just, I hate it. Like we think we talk, you are who you are because you're parents. And this guy, his father, who we idolized, who was also an abuser, passed away unexpectedly. He's mom what brought the family friend into the house two weeks later.

Like the mom is responsible. Yeah, of course. For his trauma. I just, it is the conversations with his mom, I felt myself tearing up. Like this man screaming at his mom, like you ruined me. And it's true. It is true. Yeah, nobody's to blame, blah, blah, blah.

It is true. Your parents can ruin you. You have all these NFL players coming out saying, like, you know, I don't feel sympathy. And nobody's asking for sympathy. I just think that, like, in general, like, you know, these problems will manifest themselves in some way. So if you need help, you need to ask for help.

Oof. All right. Well, okay. Another sports one we want to talk about is cheer. We were in D.C. I don't know if you know this. Night, Saturday night, second show in D. Two weeks ago or whatever.

And Kate texted me. And she was like, you got to watch cheer on Netflix. I mean, she knows, she's my best friend. She knows what I like. You know, we watch Last Chance You Together, whatever. And she was like, it's just like last chance you, but for a cheerleading. And I was like, what? You know, I went home and watched three hours in bed in D.C. in the hotel.

I went to bed at three in the morning. I couldn't stop. And then I've since finished it. But I love anything. Like, I love cheerleading stuff. I was a cheerleader, but not even close. I feel like I can't even call myself a cheerleader compared to what they do. But what they do is, like, I was a cheerleader too.

They're athletes. They're gymnasts. They're gymnasts. They're gymnasts, dancers. But I loved, I was obsessed with it. I loved all the personal stories of all these. athletes, the coach is like the main highlight of the show, Monica. At the beginning, you're like, is she a villain?

And then you're like, oh, she's a hero and she's a legend. And I mean, I just, I really loved it. And, you know, there's a darker side to it too. You know, you just watch these kids get injured and, like, beat their bodies up. And then there's no real future after college. I know. These people's whole lives revolve around from the time you're like a little kid. Like everybody that I was on the squad with when I was in high school had been doing it

since they were little kids. Yeah. And then, yeah, it just ends when you're 20. What do you do? You become a coach? Yeah, I guess if you're mean, if you dedicate your whole life to it, you know? Yeah. But that's what they do.

I mean, this school in Corsicana, Texas, it's like, I mean, have you ever watched last chance to you? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Like, junior college, same thing, but for cheerleading. And like, you just have so much respect for the sport. But like the personal stories, I mean, I personally, Jerry is like everybody's favorite.

There's been memes about him and stuff. And then the person I felt the strongest about her story was Morgan because I felt like she just had these parents kind of abandon her. And so I've been deep-dye. on her. She does have a boyfriend now. And I'm like, you better take care of her. He's a professional athlete. I know, but I'm like, don't break her heart. Major League Baseball player. She's so hot. I'm like, she's so fragile. She hasn't been in issues. You have to treat her right. Do you DM them? I'm like, I almost, I swear to God, I want to DM this guy and be like, you better take care of Morgan.

Don't you dare hurt her. But I love these stories. And I think that like very much different than the Aaron Hernandez's story, it's like the perfect example of like if kids just are given some structure and some support, like they can begin to heal and be okay. I love that you said that, the differentiation between the two because whatever, you want to say it's men versus women. Like, these football coaches don't fucking care. You hear what is it Robert Kraft? Is that his name? The way he talks, he doesn't give a fuck about these people.

Yeah, I mean, especially in football is the worst example. You feel like a just a multi-billion dollar organization. It's a corporation. Like, these kids are just commodities. And like, yeah, you can beat your wife and you can do these things and get away with it. And we still need you to play on Sunday. Well, you're going to get to spend it for two games for beating you. your wife. That's what's so different.

Like this cheerleading coach is like, you fuck up. You're not on this team anymore. You're here to like have structure and be a responsible adult. I love her so much. I don't think of the podcast. She's an icon. I mean, I can't believe that she like exists and it's like tiny little town Navarro.

It's crazy. She's the NBA. She's like, I don't care. She went to school for finance and she has an MBA and she's like, I'm here. She should be like running a bank in New York. Yes, you did. It's fine. We've been here for a long time.

And then I'm going to, it was very important to me to talk about this. Even it's an older documentary. It's not a hot take. Someone DM does. Is that who told us? It wasn't a guest. Someone DM does. The Larry Nasser documentary in HBO.

It's called At the Heart of Gold. So if you guys don't know the story, I don't know how you couldn't. But it was in, I think it was in October of 2017. He was a doctor. He worked with the USA Gymnastics. And he also worked with Michigan State. And he had access to all these young girls. And I just, the story, like, really floored me.

and I mean, again, this is years ago, and probably a lot of you know about this, and the documentary came out in, like, April, but I couldn't believe 156 girls testified at this court case, and all of them said, like, I tried to tell somebody. Yeah. Like, I told my teachers, I told my guidance counselors, I told my coaches, I told people, and no one would help me.

And it, like, makes me, I can't imagine what these girls, like, went through, and it's just, you know, we have a female audience, and a lot of them are really young, and I don't know. at like 18 or 19, like what I would have done if I was being sexually assaulted. And I think that you and I are really fortunate that we were raised by mothers and families that would always support us if we said that. But not everybody's raised like that. And not everybody's parents are...

And you trust a doctor. Right. I think the parents even were like, he's a male doctor from wherever his degree is from. Like, whatever he's doing must be right. Like, it's just... I'm so glad we live in a... We're getting to live in this evolved area where like a lot of the shit just isn't flying.

Me too. you know, a lot of these, a lot of people just come from families where like maybe your parents, you're afraid to talk to them about sex, you're afraid to say these things. You don't even know that you're being sexually assaulted. But like, I just want to send the message. Like, if something is happening to you and nobody will believe you, like, never stop telling people. Yeah. And, like, demand that somebody listens to you. And if somebody doesn't believe you, you tell the next person and the next person and the next person and the next person. And I feel like so upset about it, just like hearing all these girls, because this was recent. These are girls that are like young girls. I know.

This wasn't like in the 90s or in the age. 80s, you know? It wasn't. A couple years ago. A couple years ago. And like, thank God, you know, the person who came forward, did it and did it so boldly in the news and so many other people came forward. But I just think that we have a young audience. And I think that like, if anybody ever tries to silence you from saying, you know, what is happening to you, then never stop talking about it. You tell as many people as you have to. Yeah. Tell us, tell a, find a fucking reporter and tell them. Yeah. On that note, I want to, we are going to tackle like sexual abuse assault on this podcast and we have gotten a lot of messages about it and it's clearly we're going to

cover it. We just, we want to do it right. We want somebody that's either a professional or that has had that experienced and can speak on it in the right way. But you guys know what I mean. We just want the right person to speak on it. So it's on our agenda. It's been on our agenda for a while. Yeah. And I think that we try to bring comedy and sensitivity and normality to a lot of things. And yeah, it's just about finding somebody who knows how to talk about treatment and, you know, steps of action and things like that. Because, I mean, I've never been sexually assaulted in either of you, and so I don't know how to, like, deal with it.

And I've been in situations in the workplace I didn't like, but I would never venture to say I was ever sexually assaulted. So I can't speak on it. But, yeah, you know, you guys email us a lot about that, about, like, domestic violence or sexual assault, and we will cover it. We are. We're not avoiding it by any stretch.

Yeah. Thanks for letting me bring you all down. I do think it's important to bring awareness to it, we're a female podcast. I think a lot of our audience is young. And I don't know that I would have known how to tell somebody that is happening to me when I was 20. I probably would have because I have a mother who's a therapist who has always said to me, like, you kick and scream until somebody listens.

But like, not everybody's raised like that. So I think that it's just, you know, a good message to send. Yeah. And I think we're in a much different era. Like this stuff is, everybody's on high alert for this stuff. Like the Me Too movement and like all these stories that have come to light. Like people listen now more than they used to. At least I think so and I hope so.

I think so. I mean, I hope so. And I think that men are hopefully a little more frightened to behave like this than they used to be because I think that like people will say something now. Yeah. And maybe they're just changing hopefully for the good in general, not just out of fear. Anyway, we love you guys. Stay safe out there. Have you seen something say something? We're talking about gas lighting. I'm excited because this has come up so much. We use it as a term on so many episodes, but like you specifically did a deep time about like the or. the origination of it. And like, it's actually like more of like a, I don't want to say like a medical term, but like it's a form of like abuse. Like I think we've thrown around a lot. Like, you know, this guy's gaslighting. And I think that like doing it on purpose is like, it's a form of like, you know, emotional abuse.

And so you did some research on like where it comes from and like what it really is. Well, yeah. And I think this term, I'm going to tell you guys where it originated. If you don't know, I think it's kind of a fascinating story. But the term really got brought into light with an article. after Trump got elected called the Gaslighting of America. I think it was by Lauren Duka and Teen Vogue.

It was like the article that put Lauren Duka, I think really on the map as a serious journalist. And it was basically how Donald Trump has gaslit America into like everything's fine when it's not. And like you feel crazy when you hear this guy talk.

So he's like, people use him in terms of the word. Like whether you like him or not, which we feel like most you don't. But like he's a brilliant gaslighter. And so it's not. just in romantic relationships, it's psychological manipulation across the board. So yeah, that's what it is psychological manipulation.

A person is going to make you doubt yourself and your own sanity with using denial, misdirection, contradiction, line. It involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize their beliefs. So the term originated, and I think maybe I only found this out a couple years ago after I read the Lauren Dukkah article, but it's a play called Gaslight in the 30s. the 30s, then there was a remake into a movie in the 40s. So back in the 30s and the 40s, and it's this husband that's trying,

that's like a criminal and he's trying to cover up his own actions and criminal activity by making his wife believe that she's going insane. So what he does is he turns on the gaslight in his own apartment. So I think the lights dim, he makes her think she's going crazy. He makes her, he's like, the lights aren't dimming. You know, you're going crazy and just makes her, uh, whatever, it's via the, gas light in the apartment or their home that makes the lights flicker and she thinks she and he tells

her they're not. So he's doing something to make these lights flicker and basically telling her you're seeing things and you're crazy. And then I think the way the ends, at the very end, she knows what he does and she spins it around on him and he's like in some situation where he needs her to save him. And she's like, sorry, I'm too crazy now. Like I think it's like, whatever. So we're going to teach you guys how to do that. That's where it came from was this husband making his wife feel crazy via the gas light in their home. So I just find that kind of fascinating. Oh, no. I love that. I love that you did research about what it really came from. I knew it, but I knew that it came from a play in the olden days, but I wanted to confirm all the details. Yeah, I mean, it's just anybody

that's attacking like your sense of reality and it usually involves a power imbalance. So, you know, men doing it to women, a politician in power, doing it to his constituents, things like that. And I think we like throw it around this turmoil. So I think like today we'll differentiate between like, is this malicious and on purpose or is this just like a good guy acting up to sit and stupid? And then like, I think hopefully talk about how. how to like combat it, like how to recognize it and then combat it in a positive way. Because like there are ways to turn it around on somebody. Yeah.

And still feel like, you know, you're fine. Right. We have a post that someone posted in the Facebook group that actually inspired this. I'm going to read it here for you guys in a second. But it was this long post, but it's long, but I want to read it because I think it's what people experience. But I want to talk about the way, some of the things that people say when you're being gaslit.

Because there's a lot of the same vocabulary across the board that we're just going to say, men, women can do it too, but this tends to be more of a man doing this to a woman's us we're going to use in these instances. Yeah. And I think that like sometimes people don't realize it's happening. Like I think that like sometimes when you identify the behavior, then you're better equipped at combating the behavior. So I think that like, I was getting my hair down at dry bar and this girl was like telling

me all the stuff that a man was doing to her. Like he would create all these situations that were like clearly his fault and then attack her and make everything her fault. And I was like, well, he's gaslighting you. And she was like, I've never heard that term before. I think that, like, I'm not trying to, like, talk down at anybody. I just think that sometimes you don't really know that that's really happening. And I think if you're like, oh, my God, this is what's happening.

So I like that email that you're going to read. And to put a name on it, you know. But, like, I think that if you're constantly saying to yourself, like, am I too sensitive? Am I making a big deal out of everything? Did we really make plans? I'm not really sure. Like, if you're constantly questioning that and your partner is making you feel

like that, you are being gaslit to an extent, whether it's on purpose or not. Yeah. And I think there's, just to take a really simple, and broad yet cliche example is just cheating. You know, like where you see something that's a clear sign that your partner is being unfaithful and you bring it to light and they're like, you're crazy. You're imagining things. That didn't happen.

You know, what do you do? I saw you with this girl. I with my own two eyes. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. You're crazy. You're imagining things. You're seeing things.

Like those, that vocabulary that they use is like, please let the alarm go off in your head. That that's crazy. Like you're imagining things. That's a fucking crazy thing to say to somebody. Well, I think in like a healthy, hopefully like normal functioning relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about things that are upsetting you and bothering. Obviously cheating is going to upset you and bother you. But any situation that you feel like you are being wrong,

and if your partner takes that and flips it on you and starts calling you names, telling you you you're wrong, telling you you're crazy, that never happened. I don't understand what you're talking about. No one thinks this besides you. Like that verbia should not be launched at anybody that's just a normal, rational person and says like, hey, this bothers me. somebody immediately launches into that like cheaters do, then I think that you can actually say, like, I know how to combat this now because like this person can have their tantrum and I'm

going to stay calm the whole time. Right. Because that's what that's the thing that they do too, like try to get you like all worked up. Right. And so then they can really say you're crazy. Like, you're screaming. You know what I mean? And like that's part of the manipulation too is to actually get you worked up where you're, you're yelling and you're out of control. And then they can easily be like you're crazy. I mean, I said this to you. Um, I said this to you. the other, when we were talking about this topic, like, one of the most important things in a healthy relationship is validation, validation of someone's feelings, validation of their experience,

validation of all their things, of their hopes and their dreams and what they think is funny and really seeing them and validating them across the board. Like, if you tell somebody that something's bothering you in your relationship, you should always be validated, even if they don't agree, there's got to be a validation there. So when someone is like, I'm upset by this and someone's just like, you're crazy, you're imagining things,

I say, well, we'll get to it. It depends on where you are in the relationship. At the beginning, I say run. I think so too. And I think that there is like, look, we always say that everybody should self-evaluate. It's not that women are always right and men are always wrong. You know, I think everybody should self-evaluate and say, like, is this a big deal? I think it's really important.

I mean, I do this with you all the time where I say before I get upset about something, I say to you, what do you think about this situation? I ask a friend that I trust. And I always want to be like checking in, like, am I overreacting? Is this ridiculous? You know, if somebody says to you're overreacting, that doesn't. doesn't mean that they're, you're not always right and your partner's not always wrong. Does that make sense?

Like, you don't have to always be validated for all your behavior all the time. But if, yeah. But if you're a normal, rational person and you say to your normal rational partner, you did this thing, it upset me. It hurt my feelings. I want to talk about it. You should never be met with somebody that is using all this verbiage to bring you to a level where you're upset and then you get upset and then you lose.

Right. Yeah. And that's exactly right. And also, again, some people are too sensitive for other people. You know what I mean? Some people are constantly triggered, and that's a whole other topic. Right. But I just feel like when you approach somebody in a manner and they start just, you can tell immediately they try to spin around and you make you feel crazy. Like it's your, you are being, you are being gaslit.

I think that's a good place to read this email, because I do think that this will resonate with some of you guys. Because I think it's a really low level early relationship gaslighting. And I'm glad you have these examples. And I think that this does come up pretty early. I think that it's easier to do it to somebody where like they don't know you as well and they can just start hurling things at you. And I think you see this a lot at the beginning of relationships. So I'm glad that you pull this example. And I think you and I will both like pull from our romantic examples of long term relationships of people where like somebody was doing this to us also. Again, guys kind of long. I want to get through it. I think you guys are going to resonate with this. Okay. So she said, I was seeing this guy. We went on six dates. We slept together for the first time on the sixth date. Then I don't hear from him for two days. He finally texts me. He wants to catch up the next up. The next. He finally texts me. He wants to catch up. the next day. Then he cancels. Said he wants a quiet night in, asks if we can postpone for the next day. I'm being polite and patient still. Fuck this. I'm always worried about coming off clingy or needy, so I try to play the cool girl. I say that's fine. I don't hear from him until

noon. He sends me a selfie of him by the pool. I didn't know what to do with this. He's avoiding mentioning catching up. This motherfucker up. This motherfucker broke their plans and then sends her a selfie by the pool. I'm having fun. Yeah. Hours pass. He sends me a text asking if I want to meet up at 7 p.m. suggests an axe throwing bar, we are meant to spend the day together, but I don't mention this. Again, she's just like lowering her expectations as the day goes on. They're just saying out during the day. Now he's like, can we hang out at seven? I get ready, make up hair at the works. He texts me 6.30 p.m. saying, sorry, but he doesn't think he can make it. He's too hung over from last night. Now I realized he lied to me about having a quiet night in the night before. I said, I was

disappointed and it was disrespectful to my time. He sends me a photo of a pizza he ordered. I said, I'm not doing this over text. If he wants to talk, you have to call me. He calls, he doesn't seem to know what the problem is, and gives off the impression that I'm overreacting. I was super calm on the phone and explained that it was disrespectful to my time. He should have let me know that afternoon he was hung over and canceled so I could have made other plans. He then told me, well, that's life. I said, that's not the life I want. He then said, well, I guess that's it then. I agreed and he hung up. He then sends me a follow-up text that read, I apologized, you were quite rude. Now I feel gas-lated. He never apologized, and I was far from

rude. We were meant to be spending New Year's Eve together and now it was too late to make new plans. hit my hometown, so I've been distracted with that. He didn't reach out when he knew my family is in the fire zone, so I delete him on my social media yesterday. Then this morning I get a text from him. Well, that was short-lived. I don't understand a person, and I mean, this is just like classic behavior of a person that like could have just apologized. Okay, like plans change, whatever. It does seem very suspect that you slept with the girl and then you stopped hanging out with her. Like there was an immediate instant shift in the behavior. And then he could have just said, I'm sorry. That was annoying. That was a bummer. But instead, he, he,

He's like, I'm going to tell this, I need to put this person in their place. I'm going to, I have broken plans lied, broken plans again, disrespected this girl's time, and I'm going to tell her she was rude. Right. It's crazy. It's crazy to me. And it's happened to all of us. Like, it's, I always try to frame it, like, as a litmus test.

Like, what I put up with you doing this to me, my mom, a friend of mine, then I certainly would never put up with somebody that I went on six dates doing this to me. Right. Like, it should make you mad when somebody disrespects your time. And also, like, if you check in with yourself and say to yourself, like, okay, I was lied to, I was disrespected, they took advantage to my time. That's a normal thing to be upset about. And it's a normal thing to vocalize to somebody.

So, like, if somebody's just going to mock you or say words like overreacting, I cannot. Show me a person that would react positively to that. It's so unfair. It makes me, it enrages me. Like, I don't know. That email may or may have triggered people. I'm sure we've all dealt with situations like that.

but like this dude knew he was in the wrong. I don't know where his head was out. I don't know how old he is. He might be young and immature. He might not be like a manipulative sociopath. But like he knew that he was wrong. He knew we canceled plans with her. He knew he lied and he still turned it around on her.

And at the end of the day, the people that gaslight, they're not all like sociopaths. Some are, but some are just that comes from insecurity. It comes from all this deep man shit that these guys have that makes them do this. And so they can always be right. never be wrong and they're always the victim and you're always the crazy rude one. But like, that's insane behavior. That's so crazy.

Like if you ever find yourself in a situation with this with a guy run, it's not a red flag. It is a blinking red stop sign. It is too early for that. Like someone can't recognize that they acted poorly. No. Nope. Absolutely. And I think that like if early on that's happening, then you have to think like 10 steps down

the road or a few months down the road is every time I tell this person that I'm bummed out by their behavior. It's going to be my fault. and I'm the crazy one and I'm overreacting because like people that do that don't usually wake up and decide that it's going to be different. Like if they're telling you day one, basically you're irrational and the things that you're asking for, which by the way are just basic human respect of my time. Like that person's not going to be like a good person to you. I think it, I think most people that do this are just sometimes just young or just obtuse. I don't know that it's like some sick sociopathic desire to behave like this.

I don't think you're saying that either. But, like, I mean, I experienced this with a guy that I was, like, sort of dating in the fall. And, like, yeah, he did the same thing with me about plans where we, like, had, like, quasi plans. And he was like, but we didn't really have plans. I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this. And I'm not making me deal of it. This is the second time you've canceled on me. Yeah.

And I don't like it. And it's not how I want to be treated. And, like, I went out with him and he, that was last time was that next time because he was terrible. Right. And he was a person who, like, I didn't enjoy being around. And I thought, I think the writing was on the wall. Yeah.

that like at 35 if you're behaving like this, that that's probably just who you are. Yes. And this dude right here could change. And he could be a great, stable, secure, non-gaslighting MF to date in his 30s. But ladies, just run. Just do not do it.

Don't entertain it. I don't care how hot they are how good the sex is. If you do entertain it and you let these people get away with that, you are disrespecting yourself. And we're going to say, I told you so. Like, it is Numero-una red flag to me, someone that does something that is pretty black and white, quote-unquote, wrong. Like, cancels on you, lies to you, treats you badly, and then blames it on you. I cannot stress it enough.

I don't see it getting better. Get the fuck out. I think that that person is, if that person is shaking your sense of reality. Yes. And you're like, but I just, I know that I'm not being crazy. I ask my friends. I ask people around me. Like, I know that that's not.

Or, you know what? Maybe that's just, that's how he exists in every relationship. he has and that's how he wants to be. And that's fine too. That's just not your person. And you don't have to like get hysterical and mad and to prove to this person that you are right and they're wrong. If you know that they're wrong, you're probably right.

Yes. There's no, there's no merit proving to that person that you are right because you're probably not going to. I hate that he was like straining along like that. And also so many girls in the Facebook group. And by the way, the Facebook group is private and we do respect everyone's privacy. see, I did ask her if I could read that.

I want to be very clear. You know, if we're going to read something in full, I didn't say her name, but she did say we could read it. She was like, go ahead. Most of the girls on it were like, do not respond to that guy. He does not deserve an ounce of your time. You told him how you felt already. Him to hit you with a, well, that was short-lived.

Are you kidding me? What are you doing? Fuck you. To me, that's a person that's just looking for a fight. You know what I mean? Like, that's just somebody who's like, ego you hurt because you walked away from this and block them. And he's like, now he's going to pick on you.

Why say anything? Right. Like, I think that you just dodge a bullet with those people and, like, people that are behaving like this in the beginning, no. It's only going to get worse. Yep. Yep. So imagine actually having real trauma you have to deal with with that person. I know.

I want to talk about our own experiences with gaslighting. And I think that, like, people doing this on purpose to you versus not. Like, because I think, like, the term gaslighting really does have a malicious intent. And, like, I was reading all these articles about it. And it was like, here's the terms that, like, that you will hear from somebody who's doing it on purpose. I'll read you some of them because I can just like hear men saying this. I'm like, I'm going to run through them real quick. You've really read all these articles.

You're so sensitive. You're just paranoid. I just, you just love throwing me off. I was just joking. You're making that up. It's not a big deal. You're imagining things.

You're overreacting. You're always so dramatic. You're so worked up. That never happened. You don't remember things clearly. If those things are being thrown at you, like that feels on purpose. That feels like you statements,

like that, you know? And I think that when I heard that, I was like, oh, I had a relationship or somebody like really did this to me. But yours that you were talking about, Like it doesn't sound like it was necessarily on purpose with malicious intent. Yeah. I do think, well, I know that there are scenarios that someone is being caught doing something

and they are intentionally thinking of I'm going to turn this around on her and tell her she's crazy. I know there are. And that is gaslighting in its purest form. I was in a relationship where I felt like I was crazy a lot, terrible sign. If you feel like that, that's not a good relationship or a healthy relationship. But I don't really think it was because of gaslighting intent. intentionally and I have said before that I felt like this person gaslit me.

And as I've reflected more and put more time between me in the situation, I just don't really think that was the case. I still go back and forth on whether this person was like a good or bad person with malicious intent when it came to like all the fights and stuff. But I truly think we just had, we viewed things differently based on our past and our triggers. This person had a lot of trauma. I think he genuinely felt victimized by me a lot.

and I know where my fault lies in all those situations as well. I think we were just like what we both thought was our truth and we couldn't see eye to eye. And I think there's a difference. You were disagreeing. You can't see a situation for what it is. I'm right. No, I'm right. We're clashing.

That's normal. Not saying it's healthy. It's normal. It's not that I did nothing and you did this thing and you're trying to throw me off the scent and make me feel crazy. And I just think that I was with. somebody that had a ton of trauma, had a lot of triggers, felt victimized by me a lot,

understandably so. And we were not an agreement of the way that a lot of our conflicts were happening. But looking back, I just don't totally feel like it was gaslighting and I think there is a difference. I'm smiling when you say that because I think that you highlighted it perfectly.

Like, are both of us coming at each other at the same time and disagreeing or do I feel victimized by this person? You know, like I think that it is a power imbalance. And if somebody is just saying to you, like you're wrong and you're crazy and your whole narrative. If somebody's changing the narrative of what's going on and you're like, but I know that that's not the case.

It sounds like you have a very clear understanding of the fact that like that wasn't happening. Well, and I will say this, alcohol was a huge issue in our relationship. Another episode we want to tackle. We touched on it in more of a lighthearted way very early on the podcast. Like first 10 episodes, we want to do it again. Not saying alcoholic, not saying abuse. Just this person, I felt actually gaslight when he was drinking. but I think he, his brain was feeling things differently based on past experiences.

And so, but him sober, stable state of mind was not gaslighting me. But I had experiences where I felt like what he was saying was not the truth. And it was a huge problem. And I was like, you got to stop drinking, whatever, not going to get into it. But like, well, then his decisions were fueled by alcohol. Yeah. And like then all this other stuff came to light. I truly feel like some people when they have a lot of trauma view you as their mom or

their dad or their grandmother or whoever hurt them in the past, I think fueled by whatever it is, substance, anger can literally make somebody with a lot of trauma or maybe even not view you as somebody that hurt them in the past in like a crazy way. And it twists within their mind. But this is not this rational, calm, sober dude telling me like, that's not what happened. You're crazy. That was not my experience. So I truly don't know. I've heard so many stories. I can diagnose this shit from a mile away. But I don't think I've been in a relationship where this has happened because I don't think I would stand for it day one. Yeah, I can't really imagine you doing it in the beginning of the relationship with this

plans stuff. And I feel like this happens to the beginning of relationship with plans a lot where guys try to tell you that you're like over expecting from them. But I really experienced it with somebody. It's the only person I would ever point to. Like I think I throw the term sociopath around, but it is like a diagnosed disorder. And like I dated somebody who like truly was like a sick sociopath when I was like 22, 23. He lived with me. And like he would say still. Like he would do things that were just truly so hurtful. And also, I'd caught him cheating on me. And so, like, you would think that this person would be more sensitive.

And he was, I was reading back in preparation for this episode through our conversations. And, like, even stuff he did, like, I was like, show me where. I was like, I don't believe that you're where you're saying you are. And he sent me back a photo of himself at work giving me the finger. And, like, I asked for that because you cheated on me. Right.

But even just like a more, a less crazy example of that, like, he used to say to me, like when I would get upset, he used to say, I'm sorry that you're making yourself so upset. And we can discuss this when you calm down. And it's just I mean, that is like classic gaslight. Like no one, I mean, gaslight,

yeah, you're doing this to make the other person explode and then you're not the problem anymore. You know, he did these things and he pushed me and he fucking poked the bear and poked the bear and as much as you're trying to not go crazy, then they say something to make you explode. And once you start screaming and swearing, you're in the wrong and you're the bad guy. And the situation

is no longer about what they did. The situation is about, like, why are you overreacting and acting so insane? Right. And that person did that, I think, on purpose, I think that he's like a terrible sociopath. And I think that I wasn't able to identify the behavior at that age. And I think if I was, he wouldn't have been able to push me to those lengths of anger. Because if I was able to just take a moment and say, okay, this person is inventing a narrative that is not true.

And the things I'm asking for are very normal and natural and I should be able to have these discussions. I think I would have been able to have a very positive and even keeled reaction. to this. Yeah. Because you can combat it. Right. I was just like, I must be wrong.

I must be crazy. Like, I'm constantly questioning myself. And I don't even know if I didn't have the verbiage to ask somebody if that was happening. Right. Yeah. I know. And that's when hopefully this is eye opening to some of you girls. I want to talk about what you can do.

Totally. I mean, again, my advice is this behavior happens early on, early stages of dating. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out of there. I really think it's a huge red flag. But on the research that we've done, this can develop later in a relationship. This can develop in marriages.

It stems from like insecurity and all these other factors in someone's brain. And you could date somebody that you feel like validates you and is really honest and is ghastly and you. They could turn into this. Like you never really know. So the main thing is in a calm, rational conversation with your partner, can you explain to them? We are viewing situations.

completely differently. I don't like the way that you're treating me. Can we work on this? And if they then gas let you right then, I don't know what to tell you if you're married with children. I think when it's happening in a marriage or a really serious relationship, like you really need a third party. Then I think if you can get someone to say, yes, this is a problem.

I can't figure this out. Let's go to therapy. Let's figure this out. That's positive. Like, I mean, you know, because I was talking about, we went to therapy once. We were both in individual therapy. We wanted to work on it.

We couldn't figure out why we couldn't see eye to eye. Totally. So, again, not classic, not gaslighting. But if this person is, if you can't get anywhere with them and it's like banging your head against the wall, I think you need to leave that relationship. I mean, if you're in a marriage and a committed relationship and you guys are fighting and you're feeling this way and this person's making you feel like a crazy person, they won't go to therapy or they won't take any steps towards fixing the problem,

you've got to break up. But you can't be with somebody that's never going to validate anything you feel because the alternative is to accept less, want less, and just accept a different version of a relationship than you're ever going to be comfortable and happy in and you're never, you're going to hate yourself for it and you're going to feel insecure and you're going to hate your partner for it eventually too. And I think in these situations like you should, once you're done evaluating like am I in the wrong here, I think you should give yourself permission to feel the way that you feel and say this is not, this is my boundary and this is how I feel. And I think that you need to explain that back to a person in a calm, confident, rational way. And I think that you can use very definitive statements. Like, if someone is going off the deep end and calling you names, I think that you can feel really calm in saying, this is not happening. This is not what happened.

I'm a rational person. And I just know what you're saying isn't true. And I think that the more you can stay calm, the more that you win. And as much as you can use definitive statements, identify a problem in a calm way, I think that you can at least recognize that I don't like this and give the other person the ability to respond. Because somebody also might not realize that they're treating you that way. Yeah. But if you can really calmly and definitively say, like, I don't like this and this happened. And this is not like a debate. I'm not debating you about whether this happened or not. I'm telling you this happened.

Right. I'm telling you I don't like this. This isn't like open for a discussion. What's open for discussion is if your behavior is going to change or if you think that's acceptable. Like that guy in that email, like maybe that's just how he likes to make plans. Maybe. Maybe he likes to have these quasi open, loose plans. He thinks it's funny to text you a photo from the pool when you're supposed to have plans and he decided to fuck off and go do something else. Like once you say to that person, I don't like this, then I think you're at least on equal footing where you can decide, like,

do I want to tolerate this going forward? And focus on like eye statements, this is how this makes me feel as opposed to like what's right and wrong. Because again, I think some things are straight up black and white right and wrong. Everybody's different. So I think when you start getting to like, I'm right and you're wrong, you're not getting anywhere. So it's more like you can't say that I'm wrong for feeling this way.

Like my feelings are my feelings. You know, you can validate them or not. I think journaling is helpful. Like I think when you feel crazy, write it down. Like not you don't have to get all flowering in journal, but like make note of this is a situation that happened.

This is how this person handled it. This is the reality of the situation. Like not so much documentation and receipts to shove it in their face when the conversation happens. But so you know, you know, because I think also sometimes you need to track this stuff so you can remember, you know? And then you look at your journal and you're like,

this has happened five times in the last month. This is a pattern that cannot continue. I love that you said this. And I did this. I think that we have, we forget trauma and pain and we forget how something felt in the moment. That's how women are able to have birth 10 times. You know, you just forget how bad it was in the moment.

I think that it is really important. if you start to feel like this, and I love that you said that, to start just taking note of it. And I remember, like, I was dating this guy and I started, like, making little notes about things that he would do that just really upset me in the moment that I knew if I gave myself a couple weeks, I would rationalize it and be like, maybe I was being oversensitive. But, like, we went to a baseball game with some of his friends. And he, like, always walked, like, five steps ahead of me. He, like, got up to get food, never asked me if I wanted anything.

And he was just sort of, like, dismissive to me the whole time. I felt like I spent the whole time with his friends and not him. It's not a big deal, but it bothered me, and it was like the third or fourth time something like that had sort of happened. And I knew that I had started to rationalize it and look back and be like, maybe I was being sensitive or maybe I was just having a bad day. But like, once I saw it on paper that this is a pattern, it was happening all the time, I was able to be like, hey, I do remember that that day I was fucking pissed. And that day, I didn't like it and I didn't like the way I was being treated. And just because I forget how bad it was, you know, exactly. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't mean it didn't happen. Yeah. And I know that it's like, it sounds like kind of diabolical to be like, make a list and throw it in their face. But I still think it's like, if that's what helps you to remember stuff, that's what helps me to remember stuff. I'm not going to read them the list. Right. But like, yeah, it's more for your own. It's for my own ability to deal with things.

Yeah. And, you know, I advise that in any relationship with friendships with bosses with anybody. Right. Yeah. Right at town. I mean, this is, it doesn't be like, go buy a diary and journal. Use your notes in your phone. I mean, I had a situation with my ex that I was speaking about.

And again, like I felt, I felt very gassily when he had been drinking. And he said something to me that was so hurtful. And I was like, he's drunk. And this came out of nowhere, totally unprovoked. It was still one of the most hurtful things anyone's ever said to me this day. I wrote it down in a note in my phone. And I just, like, we went to bed because I couldn't reason with him and wanted to wake up and believe it didn't happen. There it was.

And he was like, I didn't do that. I didn't say that. And I was like, you said it and I wrote it down. And I like, I need to erase it. So I try to forget it happened. you know what I mean? And he apologized and I think he was like,

I don't remember. But like, and again, like this is a whole other topic because I think other women have this experience. Like, I think when you deal with somebody

that kind of turns into a different person when they drink, we're going to talk about it on a drinking episode. But it's not the same, but it sucks just as much. And I think that's a situation where it helps to journal too

and just like keep a, keep track. Right. And I think that like, I think that's important. It's like, I think some people could look that and be like what, I'm just going to keep like a hate journal.

But like if you're starting to feel like I'm not being treated the way I want to, that doesn't mean in every relationship you should write down every fucking slight. But, you know, I've done that. I've done that with friends too where I've just been like upset or disappointed and I'll make a list. And what that helps me to do is say to a person, I've identified this problem. You've done a couple things that have bothered me. And you and I've had conversations like this where I've been like, hey, you've done

like a couple things that have happened me. Like I, it just helps me to organize myself. And like, you should give somebody examples. You should never walk into a conversation and say like, You do this all the time and have no examples. That's not fair. Exactly. Also, journaling is a normal, healthy thing to do.

Right. So if you do whip it out and say this is the things that you've done that you haven't validated within our conflicts in the last month and they call you crazy for journaling it, that's just them unable to accept blame for the things they've done. Like, if you whip out, written down, this is the things you did and this is the way you made me feel. And someone isn't like, oh my God, I'm. I'm so sorry. Fuck that person.

The response should be like, wow, seeing it all here has really made a difference. Not you're crazy for writing this down. I can't believe this is coming up. It's so disappointing because you're not going to... It's not your favorite show. Like, it's mine. I was watching Vanderpumper rules today.

It's yesterday's episode. But this girl, Chena, who's one of the main characters, was dating this guy. And basically they broke up, whatever. And he was like, it was nothing. It was not a big deal. Like, he's basically saying that she's like crazy

and imagined the whole relationship. basically. And she went through all their text messages and screenshot all the stuff that he said that was like, you're so special. I can't believe I get to be with you. You're so amazing. You're those beautiful girl I've ever seen. I can't wait to spend more time with you. Every minute I'm with you is so amazing. She like screenshot every text and showed it to him. I think she's batshoot crazy. But I was like, find a person that can tell you you're wrong when they do that. I'm sure that guy will walk away and be like, this bitch is crazy. But you know what? She held a mirror up to this guy and was like, I didn't invent this relationship. You did these things.

You said this stuff. And like, I don't recommend doing that because that seemed a little too far. But, like, I don't. People can't argue with you if you do that. What? And I don't think that's crazy at all. Have the receipts at all times. Have a receipt folder on your phone.

All my phone is is pictures of Dewey and receipts. That's it. Dewey and slights. Never forget. My brother will bring up shit from 20 years ago. And I'm like, are you fucking serious? He always says I never forget a slight. It's his worst quality.

People don't forget. One of my favorite quotes from Superbad. I also think something that's really helpful is hopefully this podcast can be eye-opening to some, but like really talking to somebody and talking to like, I don't know, maybe if you have that older, more mature friend that isn't a really healthy, stable relationship or just that rational person, like sometimes you've got to just talk this shit out because we can sit here and, you know, analyze broader situations all day. But like when you're in it and you're like, am I crazy? Like run it by a third party. Like run it by.

a friend. They'll tell you. You have to. When this shit happens, like, it's pretty black and white to someone on the outside. Like, if you were like, this guy did this thing and this is, I told him how it made me feel or, you know, I got upset about it and his response was this. Like, your rational friends, male or female, are going to be like, what the fuck? Right. And show people, like, show people the text messages. And I think that that's like the best advice because you're never going to see things clearly inside of it. You cannot see it. Yeah. There's been a million times I've shown you a situation where either I'm not that upset and you're like, you should be more upset or vice versa, where I say like, I'm really upset and you're like, well, Raina, like, imagine how this other

person feels, you know? And I think that once you're in it, it's too hard to deal with it. But like, sometimes what I'll do is I'll ask like a single friend and I'll ask a friend in a relationship because like those people react to the world differently. Yeah. But I think it's really important to rent it by your friends because they'll tell you. Yeah. You should have friends that are willing to tell you you're nuts.

Ashley tells me that I'm being nuts. Yeah. Or there was like a situation where like I wasn't that upset about something this summer and you were like, oh, fuck no. And so, went off. You were like, that would, like, devastate me. And so I think it's, I mean, I don't know if it's like a hot take. Talk to your friens, but like this stuff is not embarrassing.

You're not stupid for going through it. Like, you're not, you feel what you feel when you feel it. And so that's fine, but just run it by a friend. You don't look ridiculous. And I promise you every girl on earth has felt like this. Yeah, 100%. And, I mean, I do think people that exhibit these behaviors, I don't know that it's permanent. I don't know that it can't be changed.

I think a lot of people, all this stuff stems from, a lot of it stems from narcissism, which stems from insecurity. Like, it's all this like deep levels of shit. And it can change with the right amount of therapy, self-reflection, all these type of things too. So you just, it's someone has to be willing. If they're not willing, if they can't see it at all, you've got to get out out of the relationship. I hate to tell you. And narcissism, a whole different thing. We should probably do a whole other episode on dating a narcissist. A lot of these things are intertwined though. Like behaviors, again, Donald Trump, gaslighting a narcissism. are tied in really closely and come from a lot of the same personality traits.

Yeah, I think that absolutely it can change. I think for a lot of reasons. First of all, I think that somebody might just not be ready to be in a relationship. Like, it sounds like this six date guy from that email was just like, oh, we slept together. She's trying to take my freedom away and now I'm going to prove to her just how little she can do that to me. Like to me, that's what that happened there.

That guy was just like, you're not going to put me in the boyfriend box. I'm going to prove to you how little you're going to be able to do that. And I think that people can change. Maybe somebody doesn't want to be. in a relationship, maybe they don't realize they're doing it, like, with your ex. Like, I think that if you can have a rational conversation with somebody and have them have an epiphany, like, oh, my God, I did do this. You know, I think that people can absolutely, and also age, you know, I think that some

people just at a certain age are not able to see past themselves. Yeah, I wasn't. Terrible gross behavior, though. Like, it's the whole, it's, like, I, like, can't be the wrong one in the situation. Like, that guy, no matter what level of, like, narcissist he was or gaslighting, it's, he was acting so badly and just was clinging to any piece of her acting badly that he could so we could turn around on her. Like that's a guy that's sitting there fucking waiting for you to raise your voice, for you to clap back so they can turn around on you. And there is nothing that makes me more angry.

And that's a thing. You know, we've talked with this before of like fights I've had with past relationships of like someone starts the fight and then you, but you say the more mean thing and then you're at fault. I can't. Makes me so mad. You started this. Like you started this. Right. I lost my temper, but like the situation wouldn't exist if you had started this. If you had just validated one thing I felt, again, that doesn't mean not everything

you feel and your sensitive little brain needs to be validated. But I think if you're being calm and rational, you're talking to somebody you care about, you say this bothers me. If they are not willing to at least hear you out and their initial response is to be like, I'm going to light her off and make her feel like she's nuts. Yeah. Then that's not a person you can be with. Yeah.

But again, if it's somebody that respects you, wants to be in a relationship with you, and this gaslighting behavior is not something they're meaning to do intentionally. Again, I think this is a very rare occasion, but they're willing to work on it. They're willing to talk through it with you, perhaps bringing a third party. Like, the relationship can be salvaged, but I don't know. Early on, like three months. Somebody's getting out of it like this. That's just not somebody that wants to be in a relationship with you.

Like, or with anybody, not you. And I think that this guy is just, we talked about with Connor and like men feeling like they've lost their freedom because you've asked them to like hold a dinner plan on a Friday. Right. So yeah. I mean, that's all I have to say about it. Yeah. I mean, ultimately at the end of the day, like this does qualify as emotional abuse.

And the point to somebody that's doing it intentionally is to wear you down. So don't let that happen to bring it back to like our political climate. I think when not just Donald Trump, when politicians or people in power do this, the point is to get you so a used to it. but be exhausted. You're like, I'm, okay. Like that woman that the husband was doing that, she probably was like, okay. Right.

It is what it is. Right. Like you're just going to let yourself get walked on forever. So like, just don't let that happen to you. Don't get like worn down by this shit. That's the ultimate goal. And that's when you've lost completely. Oh, I love how you said that.

I think you wrapped it up really well. Oh, thanks. Well, I love the segment that we're doing to end this and I have something I want to say about it. Okay. So we wanted to do something really positive about relationship. and men and, you know, the way that you guys interact with your partners. So we are doing how I knew it was real and how I knew he was the one. And we got a lot of, it's mostly butt stuff and snack stuff.

On brand, on brand alert. But what made me really happy about this is I think it was over, like we put a lot of questions in our story and overwhelming. This is one of the most answered questions slides we've ever had. And people really like flooded us. And I think we like shit on men and people's behavior so much. and sometimes I get a little clouded, like, is it all bad? Is that the answer?

Is that like you could never, like, have a good positive? Sometimes I really feel like that, you know, because we get so many emails about negative things or funny things, but also that are bad and just like terrible behavior in general. And it made me really happy to see that like there are tons of great relationships and tons of people you can find that love you and accept you and will build you up and be your forever partner. Early on. Let's see if all these make it past three years.

Well, a lot of them are like, I just, oh, six, something special. I'm sorry. I just want to validate that I think that sometimes, like, my takeaway from conversation every once in a while is like, oh, my God, it's all bad and this is a losing battle. And I think that, like, it made me at least be like, there are a lot of people in this world that will love you and laugh at these things and that are ready to treat you well. And so that made me really happy. And these are very funny.

I know, like Colin, me and Colin, like he would never, you know what I mean. She's dating a Verizon rap. Can I tell you what my friend just DM'd me? This is such a good joke. My friend named Matt, he's in Atlanta. He's so funny. He just responded. I put on Instagram that Colin and I are together.

I put our chat. I can't wait to read it. He wrote, I heard he's free on nights and weekends. That's insanely hilarious. I can't believe all day this has to be going on. Neither of us thought about that. It's free. We didn't think what the tagline from Verizon is.

God damn. Well, I mean, that's not the casey more. That was like so long ago. That is so funny. Such a throwback. You remember like when you wouldn't let people call you before 9 p.m.? None of you young girls will ever know the play. You'll never know.

When I was in college, my mom couldn't even call me. She paid the bill. She couldn't call me before nine. I know when I went to college, I had a cell phone, but it was, uh, it was still, like, based on, like, local and long distance. You know, like, I couldn't just go rogue and call any area code. Rogue. You bids just will never understand our plate.

Okay. How do we do these? I like the one-liners. Again, this is all poop stuff, fart stuff, butt stuff, snack stuff. That's the only, that's your only litmus test for love, apparently. Here's one of my favorites of all of them. We got to a drunk fight. I left for a while. I came back and he hadn't eaten any of my Taco Bell cassidia. Taco Bell came up a lot with you bitches. A lot. Taco Bell is how you girls measure love. That's so funny. He probably just like didn't even

see it. You know, like if he saw it, he would have ate it. He was like, I didn't see it sitting there. She's like, he's my soulmate. He's like, I didn't see it. Okay, well, since we're talking about Taco Bell, I'll talk about bodily functions. Sure. When I first started, also a lot of like cute longer emails about farting, but this was my personal favorite. Okay.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend, we were studying my dorm one night. He made some joke that made me laugh so hard that I not only snorted from laughter, but also slipped out a fart. I was mortified. I just told him I was so embarrassed and wanted to be alone and asked him to leave dramatic,

but I'm a Pisces. You guys, astrology is religion. He got his stuff, packed up, put on his shoes, said goodbye. but then before leaving my dorm turned around and also farted. I told you guys all fart stuff.

That's how you guys all measure love today. Very much disgusting, but it made the situation even funnier. And it was honestly nice knowing he wouldn't shame me because wouldn't shame me or be disgusted by me. Still together three years later. So I guess he's a keeper, L.O.L. This guy is like, okay, I'll leave. You're Pisces.

I understand you're upset. You're embarrassed. I'm going to go. And then he just leaves the door. He's like, and walks out the door. I'm like, I'm going to marry that guy. I will laugh. So is the only way you could fart in front.

I mean, I will laugh. True. We don't like far. We don't like far humor. I can run through a couple of these like really quickly. We would make out after I ate his ass. Why? He shaves my ass because I can't reach. Would you let a guy shave your ass? Nope. Just some things I don't need you to do for me. Like I get waxed and the ass crack is the easiest part of getting waxed. I kind of like the way it feels. It's nice. It's not sensitive. Nice little poll. Yeah. He fucked me from behind on the kitchen counter so I could eat my cinnamon bread. What? All I can think about when I think about fucking in the kitchen counter is how I went and

made out of that kitchen counter right after you fucked on it. I fucked on it. It was so wet. I knocked over a drink with my ass. I was soaking wet. And by the way, on my period. I'm so sorry. Within the span of an hour, you fucked on a counter and then I made out on the same

counter. I was on my period too. I'm so sorry. You got a Lola tamp on it and you're not bleeding all over the counter. I took it out while I was fucking. Okay. The only the 12th. That's how you know it was real.

He fucked you on your period. He didn't want to do it, but I broke him down. This one made me laugh because I don't, he steals Milky Way is from work for me. You have to steal something that costs a nickel. Oh my God. Just go to the gas station. Okay, I might call bullshit on this.

Let me have you unpack this. Okay. He drove eight hours to get my favorite macaroons from a bakery near our college because I had a bad week. He cheated on her. If a dude is driving more than, what do you think? hour and a half. If a guy is eight-hour round trip,

bitch he cheated on you. That is the only answer. He's building a case. He's like, when she finally catches me, I'm going to be like, with somebody who drove eight hours to get you macaroons,

cheat on you. I'm so sorry to break it to you. That's how I knew it was cheating. That's the news. I was so sorry. Okay, I got to read you this one. I'll also break this down. He's shit on my bath mat and I didn't feel like breaking up with him.

I don't know. Under what circumstance? in what world? Why did he shit? Like, I've had explosive diarrhea from Mexico and I only shit a little on my leg. Yeah. On the bath mat. Right. Like, I can't, logistically, I can't figure this out. Right. Okay, riddle me this one. I was leaving the country for four months and I was on my period, but he went down on me anyways. I don't want that. Okay. Here's how I look at it. Here's what I'm hoping that. Day five. No, that she, okay. I can, see a situation where a guy could go down on you with a tamp on it. Like, it's really, it's clean, it's plugged up, a Lola tampon, obviously. It's only, I only want my clit licked anyway.

That's true. You know what I mean? I like a finger in there while it's happening. That's fine, but I don't really live your truth. I would never want a guy to go down on my bloody vagina. Like, that is gross to me. I just feel like it smells. It smells like I am.

I would never, I would never. expect it. I mean, it's, sex is one thing. Whatever, we talked about that a few weeks ago, but like, I don't need you lapping up my period blood. I mean, I think we like, we take a hard stance on like, live your life and whatever makes you guys happy, like do it. But like personally, like my, I, it smells like blood. It would scare me.

It smells like blood. Bitch, it is blood. Bitch, it is blood. Okay. I've, I've a funny one for you. Okay. I knew what was real when I drunkenly broke my jean zipper, while out one night. My boyfriend and I hooked up, I passed out, and I woke up to find him sewing it back on, completely fixed my jeans.

So happy I took my pants off that night. That was exactly three years ago. We got married in November. Is this Craig from Southern Charm? When, in what world do you wake up and a man is sewing? I am shook. Sewing. How did he learn a scale? A jean zipper? I don't know that. I took home back for four years. I cannot install a jean zipper.

Can you imagine waking up? And you just fuck this man and he's like sitting in a rocker. He's got like a knitting needle and he's like, I'm just fixing your jeans, babe. If I wake up and anyone's doing anything in a rocker, I'm leaving. That person is going to murder you. I'm just picturing him. I don't know that I would know that he was the one. I would probably hire him to be our assistant.

That's true. A man that can sew. I know. Hit us up. Craig. Hashtag Craig's so hot. I saw him on a plane one. So on my way back from Charleston from visiting that guy recently.

He's hot, but he's a loser, but he's from Delaware. He's not loser anymore. He sells those pillows. He's rich. He's very hot. Okay. I like this one a lot. I caught him masturbating to a picture of me.

I love it. I would suck your dick if I walked in on that. Or if you told me that you want to be bothered with me, that's fine too. It would be so turned on if I saw that. Okay. Let me run this one by you. He fucked me when I had a yeast infection. I don't.

That sounds like he hates you. He loves bacon bread. I have never had a yeast infection. Really? I have had bacterial vaginosis once. And literally that's it. I've never had a UTI. Oh, I was going to say.

I've never had a yeast infection. I don't know. I think I'm not trying to brag, but I kind of am. Like, it's just so solid down there. Can't relate. I know I'm selling I'm bragging. My dad loves me too. Like, it's just, I'm a lucky girl.

It is so, I've never had a yeast infection. I've had quite a few UTIs because I had this long distance relationship. And, I mean, it's, I mean, it's a big dick. Yeah. I mean, when you don't have sex for weeks and then you fuck five times in a day, It's hard on your girl. It's so painful that you can't eat. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

A yeasty? No. Oh, UTI. A yeasty? We're giving me to rap names now? No, I've never had one of those, but a UTI. Like, a UTI, I feel like you're going to throw up from the pain. Like, it's the only thing I've, it's only pain I've ever felt where I feel like I was

going to actually vomit. This made me laugh because it's about snacks. Dancing at a bar, he randomly pulled out fruit snacks from his pocket to share. That's perfect. I love fruit snacks. I hope they were like dirty snacks. dancing. I hope they were like grinding. He was like, oh, girl, he wants some nice for some cherry gummies. This one is so funny. I knew it was real with a significant other one prior to dating,

we had a serious conversation about unsolicited dick pics. He wanted to send me one so bad, but he knew how much I didn't want one. Trying to be funny and make him back off, I told him that I view dick picks very seriously. I told him it's a form of serious commitment and I can only accept them when I'm in a committed relationship. He then dated me for two years. We broke up, but in that moment, it was nice to know that someone was really dedicated to get into a serious relationship just to send endless dick picks to me. He's like, God damn it, all I want to do is send her dick picks, but I can't do it to work to worry committed.

They date for two years. That is the funniest reason I've ever heard to sign up to date somebody. So you can send the picks? Right. You could send the picks to anybody, but he's like, I needed to go to this girl. I feel like this will resonate with you so much. I feel like this is your love language. Brought me a plate of bacon while I was doing my hair because, quote, unquote, he knew I

wouldn't want to miss it. Bacon gets cold. Any guy that brings you any sort of sustenance while you're getting ready is like, oh my gosh. Like I talked about that guy I dated in Miami that I was getting ready. We were getting ready to go out for the night and he was like, do you want a glass of wine when you get ready? And I was like, I love you. Anybody that brings me a drink while I'm getting ready, it's so nice. I think it's like, I love all that.

I mean, I love coffee in the morning too. It's like I've said that's my love language before. But it also reminds you of kind of your college days. You're all getting ready. You're pre-gaming. Like to have a man just bring you a bottle or to bring you a glass of wine while you're getting ready. I'm like, I love it so much. If you really want to throw it back to my college days,

if you brought me a Mickey's Ice 40 while I was in the shower. Look, if you brought me a beer bong with two keystone lights in the shower, I love a shower beer bong. Someone would just sneak around the shower curtain with the tube. I just put in my mouth and go. Queen. You want to see me black out before we even leave the house for plans. You bring me malt liquor in the shower.

I'll do butt stuff within 10 minutes. This one's fun in short. I knew it was real when my boyfriend and I slept together for the first time. And in the middle of having sex, we slammed heads so hard. We had to fully stop and lay down. And he turns to me and goes, so do you want to just text your girl group chat now or should I? He knew. He knew that she was like, I just, we both have concussion.

We both have CTE. I got to tell the girls. I have the saddest one. Or I have the, um, the sweetest, the sweetest, most heartfelt one. I can save it for last one. All right. I'm going to reach you some other gross stuff. Shoot through him.

He was drunk and naked on the floor eating Jimmy Johns and made me laugh so hard. I simultaneously farted and peed my pants. Okay. That's how you knew it with love. I met him while buying diarrhea meds and I said to him, yeah, I have the shits. I love that. Like they met in like aisle six at the CVS. At CVS.

I like want to know like what the train of conversation was. Like I want to know like what he said back to that. He's like, can I have your phone number? Right. He's like, you know what? I think you are the shit. Let me get those digits. I think that's it.

I think that's all I have. a lot of poop stuff, a lot of fart stuff. You guys all know that somebody's in love with you if you fart or poop in front of them. We get it. We get it. You're going to make me cry? Yeah. Is this one you cried about yesterday?

I was crying yesterday. Okay. She's already crying. Let the record show. On February 13th, 2016, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident. God damn it, Ashley. We'd spent most of our lives together, and it's obvious to say I was devastated and very lost.

I finished up my last semester of college and moved to a small town in the state where I didn't know a soul. A year and a half later, I met and started dating my current boyfriend. From the beginning, he was so considerate and acknowledging of the relationship I had lost before him and respected my emotions toward missing and remembering him. On one of our first dates, my current boyfriend asked what my favorite was. The song is sort of an ode to my past boyfriend called Broken Window Serenade. There's a line in the song that says, I throw in a pretty flower as they slowly laid you low. It was a rose.

I thought you should know. Yeah, it was a rose. On the first anniversary of my late boyfriend's death, I spent with my current boyfriend. He walked in that evening and handed me a bouquet of roses since Valentine's Day was the day after. I assumed he had just forgotten what the date was, but he looked to me in the eyes and said, and said, I love you, but these are not for you.

These roses are for Ryan. And that was the moment I knew it was real. And I had found the one two and a half years later, and I'm still without a doubt. I love snodding. Oh, my God. All right. I'm not okay.

It's so much. I mean, like, wow, find yourself a man that validates your past like that. My God. What was the one that we got? It was that we, I think we closed out the last time. We did this like a year ago. We closed out the episode with it. And she was like sick and out of town.

He had like left some stuff. He left her all that cute stuff while she was sick. I mean, this one trumps that one. But no. Also, not to bring it down too much. We are also playing an episode on loss and losing a partner, a partner dying. and grief and stuff like that.

So we're working on that as well for you guys. Just for all the, all the really, we're going to pepper in some comedy and some porn, we promise. Yeah, we have porn coming soon. Got porn coming up, sex stuff. We're going to pepper in some funny stuff in between all the hard, heavy stuff. Yeah.

Well, we hope you guys enjoyed this chat on gaslighting. I enjoyed it. Yeah. I hope you guys learned a lot. I just, I don't want to like patronize anybody, but I feel like I didn't know that these things were happening to me. So I think it's important to talk about it.

Yeah. For sure. And again, like even just putting a name to it. Like, you know, like I think years ago, again, like this is, I'm not saying it's a newer word, but it's a word that's recently been brought to light in terms of relationships and also the political landscape. But I think, you know, maybe years ago, you were like, this person's doing this thing to me and they're making me feel crazy and you like, you describe it and there's no label for it. So I think even giving people the terminology, you know, and I like that we discuss like just because you feel crazy in a relationship doesn't also mean you're getting gaslit. And it might just be that you, you, don't get along. So differentiate that before you start throwing that at somebody. Yeah. Don't appropriate it. All right. Well, do you want to take us out?

I think that's it. Yeah, guys, thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram. Girls Got to Eat Podcast. Go to our website. Also, Girls Gottoeat Podcast.com. Get tickets for our shows in L.A., Houston, Dallas, Sydney, Melbourne, Tampa, Miami, Orlando,

So Philly, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. Damn, you nailed it. I'm so proud. I was like, like, I'm really to focus. Follow us, Ash Hess, reina. org, girls underscore got to eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys.

Bye.