Girls Gotta Eat - BDSM for Beginners (and Beyond) feat. Dominatrix Colette Pervette

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Warning: This episode may turn you on. We're chatting with dominatrix and educator Colette Pervette about how to embrace your erotic desires and approach/execute BDSM, kinks, fantasies, role playing, and more in your relationship (trust us, it's not as intimidating as you may think). We discuss everything from pegging to threesomes, and Colette also walks us through her typical experiences as a domme. Before she joins us, we share our and our listeners' safe words (you might get some inspo), Rayna admits to getting clickbaited, and Ashley continues to be a nosy neighbor. Enjoy! Follow Colette on Instagram @ColettePervette and visit her website here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Truff: Get 15% off + free shipping with code GGE at truff.com. Buffy: For $20 off your order, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. Candid: Go to candidco.com/gge for your risk-free starter kit and $75 off. Hello Tushy: Get 10% off + free shipping at hellotushy.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have some handcuffs here. And I mean, just even the look of these are kind of sexy, right? And so, like, having them laid out by the bedside table and being like, I'd love for you to use these on me. Back to back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. Azul's just sitting here with his head on your lap. He literally won't ever do that with me. He does it sweet.

Only with other people. It's like an attack on his mom. He wants to be with me all the time. And he's always, I feel like, I dare you to say something. Like, he'll climb. under the table he would sit directly under my feet and he'll be like I dare you to move your feet. He always sits on my side of the couch and he's like, I dare you to ask him to move. But he like has his head on your leg.

Like he won't do, if he does that with me, it's because I force him into that position against his will. It's not consensual. Every morning I like a force him to spoon with me. Like if your mom is assaulting you. He's not affectionate with me. He's very affectionate with me guys. You know why? Because I'm withholding with animals.

I know. He can feel like you're playing hard to get. But Lisa did say that she could tell that he's imprinted on me. he loves me. What does that mean? Like in the universe? It's like in twilight. Dogs do do do that. They like imprint on a, like they have a person. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. I see what you mean. Some dogs. Some dogs like everybody. Lisa came up in my conversation so much last week. Dr. Lisa, she did a dog episode with us. And she's my. And she's Ashley's best friend. Yeah. We were recording us before we go on tour.

So we'll give you guys an update. We get back last week. But as always, we're sure that the shows were amazing. Yes. We are back. And thank you guys. for coming out in the south. Out in the south. And we'll be next is... We'll be back to the south in two weeks. What?

We're going back to the south. We're going to Austin. Oh, right. You know about it. At the Moon Tower Comedy Festival on September 25th, we have two shows Saturday night, Paramount Theater.

It's going to be fucking awesome. You get badges for the whole festival or you can get individual ticket stars shows. And then we'll see you in October and holiday weekend in Boston. Holiday weekend in Boston. Probably going to dress up. Halloween weekend.

Yep, and you guys did the right thing. You bought Boston tickets. So get in there. Yeah, not a lot left. Get the third show, late show tickets. And probably some tickets left. Not many. They're going quick in Chicago and New York for the holiday shows and Phoenix. And that's probably it. Minneapolis, maybe. We had a show maybe like a couple left. But anyway, all this is on our website, girls got a podcast.com. And go to, you can click shop on that website or you can go to girls gottypodcast. dot shop to get merch, sign it for our newsletter. We will always announce updates on live shows and everything else there. So sign it for that.

And tell a friend about this podcast, you know? Yeah. Last week, we did an episode on worst advice. Maybe one of the things we talked about, one of your friends gave you terrible advice, and you had to just subtly send that to him and be like, you're fucking up. A subtle dig.

Yeah. I love our solo episodes the most. You guys can find a whole catalog of all the different guests we had in topics. So it's an easy entree into the podcast. So tag the episodes in your Instagram stories. and tell a friend. You know what? Someone, we posted an Instagram post of like,

tell us the worst cliche dating advice. And they were, people went crazy. One that I wanted to address was, someone said like, if you can't handle me in my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. And which is like the Maryland,

allegedly Maryland. No one really knows a Marilyn or Rose said it. But the beginning of that quote is like, I'm selfish, crazy and insecure or something. You know what I mean? And then she's like, allegedly she said it. And I just think it's so. funny that people quote Marilyn Monroe.

There's a whole thing about it that like you're quoting, I mean, listen, she didn't make the best decisions in the world. She was a, she was a drug addict and she had affairs with married men. I mean, listen, I'm plenty of people are being a good person to be a drag actor

or not like synonymous. What am I trying to say? Like it doesn't, you can be a good person to be a drug addict, but like that's who you emulate. Of course not. And like, there's so many wonderful people who have come back from a checkered past and are like, inspirational people. But what people are

have Marilyn Monroe as like their role model. They have like the art of the wall. It cracks me up. I've always found it so funny. Like this is your girl. This is your girl. This is your hero. Yeah, it's not, listen,

it's not who I'm choosing to emulate. Emulate us. I just always think that's very funny. If you can't handle it. Like someone wrote, she was like, she said that quote. She was like,

if you can handle me my worst, you don't deserve me my best. And she wrote, some of you all are absolute monsters that you're worse. So no one. Literally. I wouldn't date half of the people that I know.

But anyway, we missed that one last week. But if you guys didn't listen, go back because there's a lot of, there's a lot of good stuff in there. And then this week we have an incredible guest. She's a dominatrix. You know, I didn't tell you this. I went home after the episode and I made Kane wear a sleep mask and I blew him and he kept trying to touch me and I kept batting his hands away.

And then I made him hold his hands behind his own back. What? You just didn't tell me that until now. I was waiting until the intro. So here's the thing. I initially heard the, on my way over here to record the episode with you, I was talking to him and I was like, we was dominatrix on the show today. And would you ever be interested in anything like that?

I said that on the episode. Yeah. So we talk about this. But she does a really great job of talking about how to sort of lead into things. Like when you hear dominatrix, you think extreme. So a lot of the episodes how to lead into this stuff. And so I let him into some stuff. I blindfold him and sucked his dick.

Who wouldn't like that? Right. Okay. So that's, yeah, like if you are listening to this episode and you're like, I don't know, I'm not interested in dominating a man, nor do I want to be a sub. just hear her out because it's not as hardcore as you think and I love the episode because that's kind of the theme of it

is like all this stuff we're all kind of want to do it on some level not all this but I'm saying like it doesn't have to be you don't have to be peg a guy and piss on his face yeah she was like some of this stuff can take years to build up to so like you don't have to do that day one but yeah I went home and did it I was just very turned on by her in general

so you guys are going to learn a lot and if nothing else you can masturbate to her voice I would okay so speaking of guys So this was Labor Day weekend this past weekend. I was going to come over here. I just, this string of text message just made me laugh so hard.

And this is so Ashley of like, I know everyone and I know everything about them. I actually knows everybody in this building. It's crazy. And I was just sort of like watching this. So our friend Robb was having a barbecue on the roof, was trying to get me and Ashley to come over. Because he lives in the building now too.

We're taking over this whole building. So many apartments in this building. You know my Wi-Fi connects to like four separate Wi-Fi's in this building now. Yours, Rob's. There's a million of them. Oh, yeah, shut the roof. The roof, yeah. So he was trying to get us to come over, and we were being hesitant.

So anyways, he started with the necessary thing to start with. He said there's a hot guy on the roof with the dog. Ashley. Is it the guy who lives there and used to be hot, but gained weight recently? And he is a medium-sized white husky mix. Because if so, I'm good. That tone is not. Whatever.

Read it whatever tone you want. My tone is just like, nah, I'm good, because I know who you're talking about. Like, Ashley, no, I mean, I, to give you guys a little more backstory, I never walk into this building without seeing a hot guy. I tell Ashley about it. And she's like, he's gay or he's a girlfriend or his eye, whatever. So anyways, she knows everybody. Because if so, I'm good.

So Rob says, no, it's a different guy. Ashley, because she needs receipts, says send picks. I'll try to make it up in an hour. Rob sends a pick. Here's your boy. It's kind of far off. But you can tell he's hot. He's pretty hot.

Okay. Let me zoom in. Yeah, he looks hot. No, he looks hot. I look in the guy. I like a guy. I'm awful. I almost had to report him. There are no secret hot guys in this building I don't know about. Also, that guy is a girlfriend. She's cool, though. Relationship status. Can you just talk about the picture, though? And the dog. Then I looked out the window and saw him in the courtyard with his girlfriend and sent a photo. Yeah, Ashley was in the courtyard taking photos of him because of course he's in the courtyard.

Would you just sit at your window and wait? No, I just looked out the window and I saw him and I was like, boop, I'm way ahead of you. He's already off the roof now, by the way, also. I also know where he is. I know what kind of dog he has. I know his girlfriend's name. It's just, it's very funny. So it's very you to have receipts of every single guy in the building.

So two things. I'm a single woman. Of course I'm going to know about every potential guy in this building. Absolutely. You know, I'll ask the doorman. I'll start snooping around. I'll, like, put a cup up to their door and listen. I'm kidding.

But like, I just will. I just know all of that. Like there was a guy recently. I couldn't tell if he was gay or not. I recently found out he is. He lives with his partner moved in, I think, whatever they got a dog. Like I'm constantly trying to find this stuff out.

Nothing will get past me. Nothing. I'm in this building all the time, in and around. And on top of that, you know I love other people's business. No one loves it more than us. Like I,

we were talking about last week how we don't care about celebrity couples and celeb gossip. Well, you like celib gossip, but we were talking about couples we didn't care about. You know me. I'm not even that invest.

in celebrity gossip. Like I don't really read tabloids and I just don't really care. I'm so interested in just random people's lives. You guys, one time we were recording the podcast and we literally during the podcast recording watched a guy with his shirt off, just grilling outside for like a long time

we talked about it. Like I am a nosy neighbor. Like, and I just, it's like I'm so invested in people's lives. Like there's this couple and I'm like, we're trying to figure out they broke up because she's with the dog, but he's with the dog but I'm like, they're never together anymore.

And I will like try to get stuff out of the doorman. Like I'll just start gossiping with them, especially if I come in after a couple drinks. I'm all loose and I'm just like, hey, what's up? And some of them will reveal more than others. But I just love it. Like, I was thinking about this other day. Like, also, this is a reason why we wanted to start this podcast. It's people's stories.

Like, it's not gossipy and a talking shit. Like, throw people under the bus, start drama. I just love what's going on in people's lives. Like, the other day I was thinking about this. I asked you, I was like, Rina, whatever happened with your friends, old coworker? You told me a story in 2018 about this girl. Right. She's your best friend. More your friend.

She's more my friend. But I'm my friend too. And a woman she used to work with years ago. And I remember her having a crazy breakup and being invested and like checked in three years later. Like you were like, what? I couldn't. Well, first of all, you have an unparalleled memory at your worst quality. Sometimes you're best, but it's also your worst.

And yeah, we just, we like normal people's drama and gossip guys. I love niche drama. Like the cut has a category of articles called niche drama, just like real like, you know, small level stuff. And I like live for that kind of stuff. So yeah, and like we did recently, one of our doorman left. He got a better job.

So good for him. But like we were all sitting out in the courtyard working. We had like a good work day. Rob and Allison were out there and we all got that email at the same time. And just like I started to cry. I was so upset. He is just, I love his whole energy. Like there was a point where.

one of the other guys left and I told him, I was like, if you ever leave, I'm moving, because, like, I can't live here without you. And he left, I was like, heartbroken. He told me what building he's at, though, do you know? Yeah, I know. We can go stock him. And he's, and he's, I mean, you know,

he's over in Williamsburg and he's going to be a leasing agent. So he moved up in the company, and I'm, like, so happy for him. I, like, made him a card and put some cash in it and brought it down to him. I was just going to give him a bottle of champagne, but I didn't have time to go get it. And I don't know if he drinks. You know, you don't want to be, like, weird. But I just, I'm like feeling such a void.

It was, it was just so sad. It was like losing a family member. Like our family member moving away. And then my like best friends in the building, I mean, with the exception of Rob that I did the Hampton's house with the summer. They're moving. I'm just like sad. But at least we have like Rob and Allison and the baby. You don't want to care about this baby.

Guys, Ashley, I've never seen her like love a baby like this, except for also Corey's baby. You are good with babies. I mean, whatever. We talked about this repeatedly on episodes. Like we like being with some babies. A lot of babies. When she starts talking, it's over for you, bitches. Her and I are just going to be hanging out all the time talking.

Because I'm just staring her. I'm like willing her to talk. I'm like, Ingrid, let's go. Come on. Say something. Like when she starts talking, I just have a feeling we're just going to be like, hear me best friends. Shooting the shit all day every day.

That'll be the new podcast, Ashley and Ingrid. And as all. Also, if any of my doorman ever leave, I'm going to throw a fucking party for myself. Fuck those guys. Okay. I hope they listen. Fuck all of you. You're all rude.

You all get dressed in the lobby. And I fucking hate it. You're rude. All of you, you say how to my boyfriend, you don't even say hi to me. And you know what? I tip all of you really well, and I'm really nice to all of you, and you barely grunt at me on my way in.

Go off, queen. Fuck all you guys. Your dorm men are terrible. The worst. I need to tell whoever is hiring the new replacement doorman to look wherever. To send you a lookbook. That, but also wherever your building gets yours to not look there. They're unionized.

That's why. It's like a unionized company. And unlike the ones here, they're hot. Okay. What do you got on your list? No, nothing. Nothing? No, I said I was going to go out with that guy.

I just stopped. I don't know. He was corny. He said something very corny. He got corny. He got really corny. Listen, you're writing. Thank you for backing me up.

We don't believe in writing every person off for every little thing. Especially because, like, we've had people say something that seems kind of rude. And when you've called them out on it, they've been like, I'm sorry. I apologize. Whatever. We don't believe in writing every person off. I mean, I'm sure I say shit that's dumb and corny sometimes. But, like, this was too corny.

Well, also, I'm not totally writing him off. Like, I'm just kind of like, I just kind of like, I, I, said we could get drinks and he just keeps wanting to chit chat on text. So like, you know, I may or may not respond. If he wants to hit me up like, hey, how about that margarita? I'll go. Yeah. Yeah. And like, as we speak, tomorrow is when we're leaving for the tour. So it's like, I'm just fucking busy, you know? And I got bros in different area codes. You know this. You guys know we love to have new jumpsuits. Dude, I got to get out of here as if I can buy some jumpsuits. Raina said, we're leaving in the morning. We are being picked up at 6.30 a.m.

Rayna said we got to be done with work today by four so I can go shopping for the tour. This is a huge change in my lifestyle because I usually shopped on the tour for the tour. Well, you don't have time. There's no time. So you're going to wait until the night before.

Yeah. That's what I like. That's my vibe. Last minute. I have a wreck, but I also have an, I have a, what's the word? An amendment to something that I said last week. Because a few of you probably watched Clickbait

and you were like, this bitch like this. And listen, you can forward ahead because a little bit of a spoiler. But the first three, episodes were fucking clickbait because they were good. The first three episodes were good. And then the next four episodes are the laziest writing I have ever seen in my fucking light.

They just solve this whole case with the dumbest, most illegal, unattainable information that no one could have gotten by any means whatsoever. And then the person who did it, when you find out in the end, first of all you like guess who did it pretty early on and you're like, this is fucking stupid if he did it. And then the person who actually did it,

who kidnapped him and then killed him, The person who kills the guy is so stupid. It's such a minor role in the show. You're just like, no one cared about this. And he just like walked right into getting murdered. And I just feel like I got duped. I feel like I got click-baited into this show. And I feel like they come out and they're like,

that was the point. That was the point. Episode four is where they really got me when the reporter is just like he gets all this data and he like breaks into somebody's home, steals this phone, is magically able to get into the phone, steal these text messages. No one questions where they're, from. This is not even legal.

Anyways, for those of you that were disappointed in my commendation, listen, it's eight episodes. It's like entertaining, but it's fucking lazy. Okay. But what I do have is a great rack. If you guys like 30 for 30 docs, which I love, their ESPN sports docs, Netflix has a new series, just like that called Untold. A little more under the radar stories, but I think there's five episodes out right

now, one's about Caitlin Jenner. The best one is about this guy, Jimmy Galante, who's apparently the Sopranos is based off of him and his family. And he started this minor league hockey team in Danbury, Connecticut, and then bought it, gave it to his 17-year-old son. And it's, like, hysterical. It's the mafia. It's sports.

Oh, my God, that sounds so good. It's really well done. It's 90 minutes. There's another one about Lady Boxing, which is fantastic with Muhammad Ali and Layla Lee is in it. Anyways, great series on Netflix. I'm really loving it. I've watched three episodes. Okay, I love that.

That's my rack. I guess I have won, probably just my Instagram account. I've been posting a lot of videos. That's your rack. Ash has. I recommend it enough. I'm posting more Santa videos, so go take a look. It's ASH, H-E-S-S.

We're going to make a slide of this. Fell is like, do I put this on the thing? All right, guys, go follow Ashley on Instagram. And follow us on Instagram, why you're at it. Yeah, Girls' Got E Podcasts and Raina.combeard. If you, listen, because Ashley's asked, we follow her first and then Girls Got to Eat. Listen, I am, I, my cup overflow with. You've been growing?

I'm just, I have more followers than our Instagram account. So listen, you guys follow me last, but follow me also. Follow rain a second because she got verified second. Hey, you guys, I was in Russia alone. I was in Russia all by myself. It was pouring down rain. And I saw in a cab that Ashley had gotten verified and I wanted to jump out of the moving car. I was like, how?

I've been lobbying Instagram. I know people at Instagram. She got it before me. Do girls got to eat? get it before me? I think it went me, you girls got to eat. And I don't know how. I did feel bad because I had my big Instagram account

was obviously verified for quite some time. But you had like an influencer account. You would like 400,000 followers. You were doing food or 300 or whatever. And I still, I mean, we've talked about this in the podcast, but I was like, oh, fuck. I mean, I was so excited, but I couldn't be happy. And I was like, I don't know what happened here.

A friend of mine did like call in a favor, but she, we don't know. You never know. People ask me how they can get verified. I have no information to provide for them. It's so weird, and then they kind of slowed on verifying people. They verified too many people. And luckily, what, it was three days later,

maybe like 48 hours later. Yeah, it wasn't a long later, but honestly, it was like a pretty rough couple of things for me, alone in Russia and the pouring rain. Okay, well, we mentioned our guest today, and we don't in the episode really talk in depth about safe words, but I don't think there's too much to say. You just yell it out when you are ready to stop.

Yeah, we yell at it when you're ready to stop. Yell it out. We have a list. We asked you guys on Instagram on our verified account what your safe words were. But I wanted to go through ours first. Yours and mine? Yeah, like what they would be. Oh.

Okay. So my feeling is like it shouldn't be something that gets you excited because I would say Fire Festival, but then I'm going to get excited. Okay. So then I was like, should it be things I hate that's going to turn me off? So I was thinking Desani. Okay. Crescent Hard R.

Greg Abbott, Mitch McConnell. And then again, I don't know how I would feel about this, but I think I could just yell at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. That's what Ashley yells when she comes. But if you're, you're right, that's my come word. But no, if you're getting choked, like, four seasons, total landscape is too many words, too many syllables. So I think I'm probably going to go with Tasani.

Official safety. Courts and Ashley's sex life. I'd have a good one. It's really good. I'm jealous. I didn't write one. I was going to be like a bad bitch and be like, I don't have a safe word.

The limit is not. exist. But I guess why would be Donald Trump? Like, yeah. I mean, I feel like, you know, when in doubt, pick a politician. Marlago. Marlago. Melania. Where's Melania? Thank you. You. Eric Trump. Oh, Don Jr. A pussy's closed up. His kids are so gross. Okay. Your guys are so funny. And like, I honestly learned how to spell a lot of words while I was typing these out. Yeah, Rina was just doing these earlier. And she was like, I'm learning so much. Um, okay. Cheese, it's Brendan, National Geographic, Draf, Armadillo, Crouton, Chicken Salad, Chicken Tenders, Chicken Nuggets, Shakira, Beetlejuice, Pompelmose, cassidia, teradactyl, and red. Do you know that red, by the way, is the number one safe word in America? It wasn't the number one we got. I did not write that down. I'll tell you what it is later. What? But the word red is the number one safe word of all people in America.

Is it because it's just like short and easy to remember and say? Bella, why do you think it is? I don't know. We live. We live. looked it up. Popularized? Yeah, after 50, was that theirs in 50 shades? Oh, okay.

Also, like, I had to look up the other one too. If you were, so, the point of having a safe word is because you're doing something that's pushing your limit, right? Of course, you can always have a safe word. Because you want to be in the zone, yeah. So, to me, it makes sense that it's just something that's really you're going to remember because if you're in a point where you're like, kind of

fucked up, you've been really trying to push your limits. Yeah. And Red mean stop. You know, it just, it kind of, it makes sense. And then off, obviously also they had that red room. Okay, I'll read some more. Also, Teradactyl was the like help word in Fuck Boy Island on HBO.

They mentioned it. People mentioned that's why they said I'm in there. So if they needed help, like they'd yell tear out. Okay, pretty litter. Co-G-G-G-G. Quaka. Quaka. Quaka. Like the animal in Australia? Yeah, the animal.

Rub it in. I haven't met one yet. Okay. Pumpernickel, guava juice, pistachio, spatula, ragamuffin. My mom used to call me that. That's her safe word. Oh my God. Galapagos? No, that's too hard.

Galapagos? Glapagos. Strudel. That's so good. Gretchen Wieners. Tarantula, pickle, Xacto Patronum. It's a Harry Potter spell.

Oh my God. Candelabra. Too hard. Snow cone, lasagna. I love that. Poppy seed muffin, foliage, waffle, putting Saskatchewan,

Saskatchewan, Periwinkle. And then what are these? Okay, so people said because it ruins the mood, like that's why I threw these in here. So Voldemort, Grandma, Uncle, Stop, Binky, Spalunking,

quilt, meat sweats, Tupac, Bush did 9-11, Tom Brady, Tiger King, Guantanamo, Geronimo, kiosk, little weiner, Global Warning, and Fupa. Fupa is so good This next one, I don't even know how to feel about it.

You can talk. A lot of people said Azole. I'm sorry, that is. Did anyone say Dewey? Was Dewey in there? No. Well, you gotta respect the king. I respect it.

Then the second one, I don't know, but Raines would be tough mutter. That's amazing. And then the number one submission, which was like more than 50% of us was pineapple. Oh, okay. And I wanted to know why. This is based on a Kevin Hartbit, which I didn't know. Okay.

Okay. So people, like, people are trying to be fun. funny with their safe words. You're always in the bowel curve. You're not, yeah, people are like, damn it, I'm not original. I like pommel moose. I'm not going to remember it, but I like that word. I'm obsessed with that word.

One of my top five favorite words. You know what I mean? Yeah, grapefruit. Oh, okay. Yeah. I love it. Beals and I love grapefruit too. Shakira is a good one.

I just can't hear, not here, Shakira, Shakira. Oh, Charlie Clarkson. Oh, Kelly Clarkson. These were so funny. Thank you guys. I honestly had to like hold back because there were so many good. We are so excited for a really interesting guest today. She is an educators. She has been a professional dominatrix for over 16 years and has a PhD in education from UC Berkeley. She teaches and mentors women and fems to become dominatrixes. She co-founded power play, a boot camp to channel your inner Dom. fan favorite of our show, Amy Chan of Breakup Boot Camp. Please welcome to the show, Collette Pratt. Thank you so much for having me. Oh my gosh. Thank you for joining us. We are so excited to have you and have anybody that Amy works on. We know you're fabulous. This is new to us too.

Like we're going to be learning a lot today. So I'm really excited to be what educate. Educatrix. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Awesome. So you have an amazing background and not only just being a dominatrix, but teaching other people how to just explore their sexuality, how to be dominatrixes, how to invite this into their relationship, lots of different tools for people. So maybe we talk about you first, please, and how you got into this and, you know, your background. Okay. Well, I got into this 16 years ago when I was a grad student at UC Berkeley. And I had two friends who were working at this House of Domination called the Gates. And one didn't have that grade of experience. But then my really close friend, she had a good experience. And I remember

one day, we were like having soup at Smart Alex, this one restaurant. And I asked her, oh, so what did you do today? And she's like, well, I tied a guy up. I put nipple clamps on him. I cropped him. I flogged him. I put a strap on on and fucked him in the ass and I pissed on him. And that was it? I was like, whoa, oh my God. That's your story of your little day at the office. did you do that? Yeah. And then she paid for my soup and she had like a $100 bill. She had to pull out and she was like, yeah, now that I'm a dom, I always have to break

these $100 bills wherever I go. I'm like, wait a second. I want that story and I want that problem. Sign me up. And so I went in for an interview at the gates and got a job as a dominatrix and soon enough, I was fucking guys in the ass pissing on them. $100 bills everywhere. Paying for soup with hundies.

Did that come now? You're in college. Did that come naturally to you? Because so many people said to us, like, how do I take this seriously if I've never done? Did that come naturally, like day one? You were like, I can't wait to pee on a person? I don't know if it came natural. I mean, I was kind of a little bit nervous about all of this in the beginning

because I definitely had some fantasies about being submissive, but never dominant. And I've only read the story of, oh, this one erotic novel is kind of a background to this world. And I lied about my experience to the headmist. I said I had some personal experience, but I didn't. And so I kind of just acted as if I was a dom, as a woman in power, until I was. And something does happen. It doesn't feel like it would come naturally to you until a man is on his knees and he's kissing your feet and is grolling at you. The dom comes out when the sub shows up. And so, yeah, I kind of came effortlessly after, you know,

the subs came in. And that's a nice. Amazing. Does someone go to this club looking, seeking this out? And then it like happened, all of this happens like in that space. And then is it stuff you do in your own time too? Like, I guess I don't really understand totally the life of a dominatrix and like what is like job and what's lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do your clients look like? What do people request? People are, our audience, wanted to know about that too from you. Yeah. So subs come to me with their fantasies. And before we go into a session, we sit down and we have a negotiation talking like this, me and you. And I ask them questions.

So tell me, what are your experiences like? How long have you been into this? What do you went to? And I just get as much information as I can about their past, their experiences, what they're into, their fetishes, their fantasies, how they're feeling right now, and also their boundaries and, of course, any medical conditions. and then we establish a safe word. And then the scene begins. And I get to craft a whole journey, and I take them through this experience

where they don't know what's going to happen next. I put them in a position that's compromising. I tie them up. I put a blindfold on them. And they just submit and surrender to the experience of not knowing what's going to happen next, but they're completely seduced by me and the space that I've created.

And every moment is a problem. practice of saying yes, I accept mistress, thank you. Even if it hurts, even if it's so degrading or humiliating, all of it, they just keep on finding a way to say yes, thank you. Okay. Is it men and women, both? I love this. I know, I'm like, on my way over here, I'll be, I ask my boyfriend, like, are you into this? You? And he was like, not really. And I was like, I don't think so either. And maybe I know, no, no, you just got to ask the right questions. And I think, I think everybody should be playing with their fantasies. And even if they, if, you know, your boyfriend thinks he's not into any of the stuff, there's still something that is in the fantasy realm that he might like. And you

could plant seeds, right? Like you and a schoolgirl outfit, him playing professor. It's kinky, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't have to be you wearing like a leather corset and holding a whip. You could ease your partner into this by making them feel like they're the dominant. Because I think a lot of guys feel like they don't want to explore this with their partners or girlfriends because it might be emasculating and then you might not see them the same way after. If you fuck them with a strap on and call them slot, right, all these things. But there's a way to ease into it so that that's not like the first thing you do. That might be like eight months into it.

But initially, he's topping you. He's spanking you. And then you reverse the roles, right? Yeah. And we're going to get into all that. We're going to get into BDSM for beginners and all that. People are probably just like, like, chomping at the bit. But I have to ask you, I hope this is like a weird question.

Oh, no, you could ask anything. Is this how you are in your personal life too? Like, is this what you do with your, with romantic partners or is it a job? Is it both? I think it's, I mean, I wouldn't say I act like a dominatrix with my partner. So I'm not like, you know, I don't have this tone. I don't have this like presence, the dominant presence. Like with my partner, I actually want to be the opposite of like sexy and like,

like dominant. I want to be like childish and muppity and like goofy and like totally unsexual. Okay. Yeah. Like my alter ego to like the antithesis of Colette is slutmuppet. And she's like super muppity and sexual but makes everything very unsexy. Okay. Her voice is kind of like, oh, what? Okay. Is that what you're into? That sounds sexual. All right. I'm into it. Okay. and yeah my partner was actually my client and he was my sub. And now, not anymore. Okay. Or equals.

And probably because like Slepmo comes out so much to play that it's not sexual between us at all anymore. What is the story? She's like so I was a dumb, he was a sub. Now I'm a Muppet and he is not sexy. Now it's like what? You live a true double life. You have a really wild life.

I mean, you and I talked about it. You're in an open relationship. Well, you can tell about your life. Yeah, yeah. I'm in an open relationship. I have two life partners, a couple of lovers and sister wives. And yeah, it's like this really fun polycule where we all just love each other and want the best for each other.

And I mean, go ahead and fuck around with my friends. It's, I don't know. It's very open and fun. and I love, you know, I love free love and lots of love, threysms, foursums, orgies, you know, all that stuff. So it's not so much of the dominatrix stuff in those situations. Like, this is what, this is your profession, so you're really good at it. But like, so I would assume people would want that, or am I wrong?

I feel like parts of the dominatrix comes out in those experiences and that I feel like a dominatrix is someone who's always curious about other people's experiences. What turns them on? What's their fantasy? So I feel like in my everyday life, I'm always curious about people's dreams and fantasies, erotic ones, and also big life dreams. And I just love getting to know like you and all of the parts of you, even your shadow and your shame, like, tell me everything. So I can work with everything and play with everything. And so in that sense, I feel like the Dom is always out and playing. But I'm not always like, you know, holding a whip and being like, He wants to get fucked in the ass right now.

Yeah. Okay. Got it. You said out of group checks to the sister wives. You're like, who wants to get fucked in the ass right now? When you were growing up, we don't have to. What do you drink in? Yeah.

Oh, I'm drinking tea out of this like Pyrex measuring cup because I feel like it brews better in this glass. I love that. I have one of those. Maybe I'll try that. Oh, yeah. You should try it. It actually tastes better. I had a hot toddy last night.

When you were growing up, I'm just curious. Did you grow up in a household that was sex positive or in like an environment that with sex positive. Did you grow up seeing anything like this in your whole life? No, not at all. I grew up in a Buddhist household. I converted to Mormonism when I was 10. And so I was a Mormon for eight years. But I did start masturbating at the age of three and really got deep into like my fantasies and like erotic world pretty early on. And then when I was Mormon, I had to like stop all of that because I was a sin. And then 18, I had sex for the first. I had sex for the first time and then I stopped being Mormon and then just continued down the path of sex and exploration.

Were you, do you convert it to Mormonism because of your parents? Or were you just like 10 and you were like, I'm going to do this. My best friend was Mormon. I heard it was like a cult and I was like, oh, what's a cult? I was just curious about this white cultish community and I want to be more white and I'm Asian. And so, yeah, and growing up in suburbia, I just wanted to experience something different. Okay. Okay. I ask about your background because I think a lot of people that we had submissions from just said, like,

how do I get into this? And it makes me uncomfortable or nervous. I want to try to take it seriously. And I asked to say that like even if you didn't grow up with any type of sexual excitement in your life or you weren't granted the permission to behave like this, that you can. You know, like anyone can grow into this. I mean, I grew up in the 80s and 90s before like the internet was a thing. Like none of this I was exposed to.

it was just all in my head, the fantasies I had. And I think that you could work with that. And now we have the internet and there's like so much kink out there in media and it's more acceptable than it was when I first started. Yeah. Yeah. So there's always a way in. So in a club, like the place that you worked, is it all female doms and male clients or is it a total mix? It's Typically female doms. Right. I figured that. I was just, but then female clients as well?

Or is it heavy on the male clients? I'd say it's heavy on the male clients. And then there's some couples. And then I think there's some women now more than they were before. I feel like women are now open to seeking these experiences and and paying for a provider than they were before. I think people are finding this more socially acceptable. And so, yeah. But typically it's male clients, female doms.

Okay. And then do you feel, I promise you guys, unless we're going to get into all this, but I just have some like burning questions about. Yeah, ask away. You get to know these people. You know a lot about them. And I'm sure there's not, you can't categorize everybody is kind of the same. But is there a type of personality type that is seeking this out? And is it somebody that's really in control during the day, like some sort of like businessman type and they want to be dominated at night? Or is it just run the gamut? No, I think that stereotype is true. I think that when you are in control, you do want to have this experience, of fully letting go and surrendering.

And I do think it's a pretty wide range. You don't have to be a CEO or a lawyer or doctor to want to experience this. I think it's anyone who is curious and is open to exploring their erotic fantasies. So it takes a certain personality in person to be able to be like, okay, that's fantasy I have. I'm going to go and explore it,

even though it sounds kind of out there and taboo. So I would say the personality type is someone who's curious, open and down for an adventure. Cool. Okay. I love the idea. I'll honestly have a couple coming to you and you sort of like Oh my God. I love couples. Yeah. I love like working with the women to top their partner together or maybe with the guy. I get to top the girl together and they switch and they can see how like, oh, this is how I could top him and, you know, it's just so fun. Do you feel like a lot of people got

more curious after 50 Shades of Gray? Just because that was like entry into hearing and reading and seeing about that for the first time. Yeah, I think so. I think that's a reference point that many people use, even my mom. She said, I was like, oh, okay, yeah, she knows it. So I think it's, you know, it's not a perfect representation of that world, of course, but it's a good entry point to get people curious about it. So I mean, you do this whole boot camp with Amy Chan where people, I'm assuming,

just come to you and they say, how do I introduce it to my life? How do I introduce it to a partner? what are the boundaries, what does this look like, what can I do? And I love that earlier you said that pegging somebody can be eight months down the road, it doesn't have to be like step one. So if somebody's just like kind of curious, how would you sort of guide them into something like this? Someone who's curious to introduce this to their partner or for themselves or... I think like maybe that's a two-part question.

Like let's say I'm just in a pretty normal relationship. You know, we do some crazy stuff here and there, but there's nothing really a kink about it. but I am interested in exploring, dominating, or both of these, we have to answer these two different ways probably. You know, like, if we're speaking to women, for example, that are like, I want to be tied up and I want to be dominated, but there's also the other side of like, I want to do the dominating. Yeah, I would say that you should begin, like how a dominatrix would begin, which is having a discussion, having a chat about really getting to know what your partner wants, so that

it's framed in in the sense that it's about their fantasies and your fantasies and really just creating this safe space to invite all those fantasies to be shared. So I'd say the first way in is having a conversation. And the most important thing that you can do in this conversation is suspend all judgment. And so if your partner has this like, he's like, well, I guess I would be into sucking your feet. You wouldn't be like, ew, sicko, right? Just like all like you just be like, oh, really? Oh, okay. Tell me what else you're into, right? Or you could just begin to really get to know their story and ask them a lot of questions like, have you ever had fantasies like this? Have you ever played with any of your partners in this way? And then you could ask, do you want to hear some of my fantasies that I've been having? And of course they're going to say yes. And then you could share with them like, well, I've been thinking about you playing doctor and I'm the candy striper. what do you think of that? And then you could see if, you know, they're into it. And then it could

be that you could then segue into the session if you feel like you're both primed for it psychologically, like, oh yeah, he's getting turned on and you're excited. Or it could be that you hold that note. And then like a week later, you give yourself some time to buy that candy striper outfit, that's the scope. And you surprise him with these elements, right? He comes home and all of a sudden you're in your cute candy striper outfit and you're like, oh, there's a stethoscope, right? And so there's a way to really just play with all of this and make it so that he's primed for it and excited about it. Don't do what one of my friends did, which is completely out of the blue surprise her boyfriend by being like, okay, close your eyes. Don't open your eyes. And she's like

wearing a dom outfit. She puts on this music and he's like, what's going on? Oh my gosh. And he's like, this is a song to your promo video that you use all the time. And it's a song that really turns her on. And he's just not, he's not excited. He's kind of nervous. And then when she like has him open her eyes, she's in her Ajeun provocateur lingerie. And she has a crop in her hand. And he's just like, uh, he's like, this isn't my fantasy.

And then she starts crying. And she's like, I'm never going to put on lingerie for you ever again. And like, so the moral that story is just, you got to. get to know their fantasies as well. And you've got to get to know what turns them on. Find as much information clues as you possibly can to construct the fantasy world and make it a reality. So you've got to work with what you can. And that's by having a really open, fun dialogue about your fantasies and your past and what you're open to exploring. Okay. And I do, I want to give credit to people that, you know, have tried something out of the blue and someone ashamed.

them because I think there's a real sense of, is this going to come off really crazy and weird? Or I'm just like a quote-unquote normal girl. I have vanilla sex and I don't want to bring this on somebody. So I'm wondering if you have any advice if somebody says like, how do I take this seriously? How do I get into this? How do I get into the role and take the role seriously? Well, if you want to take the role seriously, you kind of have to not be serious about it. You have to play, right? You have to be just like a child in. a sandbox with your partner, two kids exploring things that are just like, hey, you want to try this out? So I think really you're approaching it not so seriously and being as childlike and

open curious as possible. And really, if you can, it's because all of this is pushing you to let go of yourself and your ego and your identity, right? Because, you know, you're not a candy striper. You're not a patient. That's not who you want to be in your everyday life. But in this moment, you want to explore that feeling of helplessness, of social compliance. You want to experience that. And how you experience that is just by being like a child and having no judgments, no ego about what this thing is and just being like, oh, okay, yeah, I'm down. Yeah, don't take it too seriously.

Yeah. Take it seriously by not to be seriously. Yeah. And it's just asking the question, you want to play with me? Kind of like a kid would. You want to play this and see if you're open to it? And if they're not, then how do we change the game so that they would say yes to it? Just play it like you would, like a kid would in at the playground.

With their toys. So let's talk about those things because, I mean, what are like BDSM, Dom, Sub, 101 things that you, how to start? What's the toolkit? I mean, and I know it's different for everybody again. Like, talk to your partner, see what they're into, feel them out, pick up on the clues. But if you're like, okay, well, is there a. kind of some things that are better ways to start? I mean, is it kind of just an initial tying someone up? I mean, you tell us, and again, with keeping in mind that everybody's different and these things aren't

for everybody, but just for the average person, like, where do we start? Yeah. No, I think a great way to start is, I have something right here. It's a blindfold. I think a blindfold is a great way to begin. It's really innocuous. And you could use any blindfold, you know, even the ones that, use for sleeping. Sleep mask, Rayna, that's great. That's Rayna's vibe.

We sleep with them every night, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're doing media. You don't even know it. Yeah, just something like that because you introducing something like this and having your partner put the blindfold on you is you suggesting like, take my power away because there's so much power in your site and your vision and

being able to navigate the world. And when you take this away, take that site away. then you really are giving your power to somebody and being like, okay, I don't know what's going to happen next, but I trust you. And you might spake me, you might finger me.

I don't know, but I'm saying yes, right? And so something as simple as that. And that could be the first entry point, just the blindfold. And then spanking, right? Like, it doesn't have to be like, you know, a riding crop yet or anything.

But, you know, eventually maybe you'll get. something simple as like a blindfold. That's already playing with power. And that in itself is, you know, it doesn't even feel like kink that much. You know, you don't want your partner to kind of like freeze up and be like, oh, what's going on? Like you're being a dom now. And like you can put the blindfold on them and imagine like all the sensations that they are excited to experience from you. And like one position that I like to have my lover in and he's like super alpha. And And he, I have him on his stomach. His legs are spread and his cock is like in between his legs. So I have access to it while he's laying and just like playing with his cock just with my finger and like playing

with this whole area while he's like blindfolded and laying on his stomach with his leg spread. That in itself is kind of submissive and a position of surrender. But it doesn't feel too extreme or too out of the realm of what they're comfortable with. And if you're making them feel really good in that experience, you know, then they're going to keep on saying yes to the next thing. And, you know, I'd say like the thing is it's not like pain. Don't begin with pain. Begin with pleasure and like begin with like creating a lot of space. So you don't want to like just start spanking them and like laying on all this like sensation. It's just like, them and then give it some space, then a spank, and then like stroke that spank. And then like,

you know, just really give it a lot of space for them to relish that sensation and then to anticipate what's going to happen next. So go slow. I love that advice. Such great tips. I think that like so many people are like exactly what you said, my man's really alpha. He's never going to go for this. And to go slow and to just like stroke a little bit. Like you don't have to, you don't have to whip them with like whips and chains, you know? I mean, you can if you want.

But I like this way of easier man to do it because I think a lot of men, heteronormative men are just going to be like, I'm not fucking doing that, you know? Yeah. Yeah, no, you got to figure your way in. And it could be just like, you know, even like the light stroke, a lick on their cock and they're like, ooh, is this going to be a blowjob?

And all of a sudden it becomes like something else. but then a little space and then they still anticipate maybe the blowjob but then you know really get them like questioning like what's going to be what's going to happen next but whatever it is it's going to feel really good because you've gotten them in the state of like high arousal

high sensation and also play really good sexy music so that you can really just play off that rhythm and the crescendo of building up to that song too yeah I mean you could and also I mean this is not like a hot take but you can just put on the 50 shade soundtrack I mean

regardless of what you think of the movie or the brand or the books. Like the soundtrack is just like, it's perfect for this. But I just love this because, I mean, I think we all understand that like when you take a sense away, the other ones are heightened. So, you know, you take away sight.

You're going to feel and smell and all the things more. But I think that this feels intimidating to people. And like, you don't go from never working out to running a marathon. So why would you go from zero to 60 with BDSM? You know what I mean? So I think like I love that we're having this conversation and like, blindfold.

it, step one. And then you've fully, like, entered into the space, you know? You've done it. You're there. Like, you're rock and rolling. Like, people are like, but I don't want to be in pain. You know, I don't want to be like, it's like, well, that's not how it's supposed to start. Like you said, it starts with like pleasure. I feel like all I'm going to do this weekend is fuck.

Yeah. I mean, all, like, I just, I didn't know even what to do this weekend. And I was just like, what should we do? Let's go to a food festival. I'm going to blindfold my boyfriend suck as dick. Oh my God. But I had someone on, I can't remember now for the life of me,

but we had a woman on the show that her partner blindfolded her and she liked just, like you said, feeling like I don't know what's coming next. I personally would probably like to be more submissive in my fantasies. You know,

I'm more dominant in daily life. And like, I like that thought of a guy having the power. And honestly, being surprised, not knowing what's coming next. Like, that's exciting to me

in every area of life is like being surprised in a good way, in a pleasurable way. I'm going to tie Ashley. I'm after this. But actually, speak of time. So let's go to the next sort of step. Like, let's talk about maybe handcuffs or ties and how you might like introduce that and what you would do with those things. Yeah.

So if you feel like your partner is kind of open to like kink now because you've kind of introduced it in this really like pretty subtle way, then yeah, you could just like bring, I have some handcuffs here and, you know, I mean, just even the look of these are kind of sexy, right? And so like, having them laid out by the bedside table and being like, I'd love for you to use these on me. Of course he's going to want to use these handcuffs on you. And he's going to realize like, oh my God, it's so fucking hot, like fucking you with your hands cuffed behind your back and just really using you like a toy, right? And so I would say, I would say, say the way in is to is for you to experience being the sub and being bound first and then and then once he's getting off on how you look being bound then maybe you could turn it on him the whole thing here with working with like your boyfriend is really trying to sidestep their ego and you don't want them to feel like too quickly emasculated by this experience right and so giving them the choice to be the top first. And then they realize, oh, wait, I guess I am kinky. I am into this. This is super hot.

And then, you know, eventually you could turn it around on them and be like, oh, can I cuff you? And then like maybe in that same position where they're on their stomach with their leg spread, they have their cuffs behind their back. And you're like really just doing all the things you want to do with them and tease them and spank them and play with their ass a little. bit. Yeah. And so are a lot of couples and partnerships, whatever type of partnership you have, they kind of go back and forth? Is that pretty normal? Like, it's not one person's always dominant, one person's always submissive, they flip-flop the roles. I feel like switching is pretty typical. I love that. Yeah, I'm a switch. I love switching. It's pretty rare for me to find

someone that I want to submit to because I'm, you know, such an alpha and, I have. I'm, have standards as a dom. So like, you're like, you're not doing it right. Yeah, no. I'm topping from the bottom here because I know. I'm chose to the bottom. But yeah, I personally love to switch. And I think the best doms are actually really good submissives because they have to know what it feels like to be a sub to have that deep empathy of those sensations and what turns them on. And so I think that switching makes you a better Dom. So, yeah, I would say for couples who are both exploring this, I think it's a good idea to explore switching.

And it could be that to really bring the guy into playing, then have them top you first. I love that. Trick them. And then they're like, oh, yeah, I'm kinky. And then, yeah. Exactly. Strap on.

I do want to get to pegging. Is that the final friend too? Yeah, I want to get this up. But I have a question. Do you have any tips or do you ever like play with edging? Because I feel like you've set up this whole scenario. You have music. You have candles.

You put the outfit on. You have the riding crop or the handcuffs and the blindfold. You've like set this. I would hate for it to be, I mean, sounds funny. I'd hate for it to be over in like six minutes. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. Like when your mom would slave all day over like over the meal and she'd be like,

you guys eat so fast. eight in 10 minutes. I've been cooking this dinner all day. And now it's not like, we always got in trouble for that because we eat so fast. Right. Like I literally like you spent all day. I have my whole body up to get into this latex. It took me an hour. Like, can I have an experience, please? So like, I mean, for me, like, when I'm going to come, I'm going to come. And it's just like I would like to make the experience last longer. So like, do you have any tips for like planning? If people don't end up edging as she's like coming to the

edge of an orgasm but not actually going over. Right. I think all of BDSM is the huge. edge, right? Because when typically clients when they come to see a Dom, there's no sex. At the very end of the session, the Dom or mistress may allow them to stroke themselves and they can self-release. And so all of BDSM is really like exploring all of your sexual turn-ons without the actual sex. It's like finding all the other things that get you super aroused and wet and hard without the actual penetration. So you're wondering, like, how do I bring, like,

all of kink is, like, one giant foreplay before the actual sex. And maybe it's so good that you don't even need the sex and you don't even need to, like, have penetration to get off. But, yes, BDSM is one huge, like, edging session, I think. And the way to kind of really extend it is just, like, all of like the stuff in kink is just like building it up. You're just finding all the ways of what makes your partner wet and hard and just want more. And you know, we talked about like going really slow, building anticipation, mixing in something that is super pleasurable with something that's really

painful. Right. Like it's all of that is like stretching out this experience where they're just like, oh my God, what's next? Oh my God, that was amazing. Holy fuck, right? Like, the whole thing is one big edging experience. And so you can put on that cat suit and it can go for like as long as you want because you're in control of how you want to come or not come. So like you can sort of wait a while for the actual penetration.

Or never do it. Or never do it. Yeah. I love that. Or you don't even. Yeah. And you can make it where like, I mean, a lot of my, not a lot, But a few of my subs are really into Chastity play

where it's just like there's no coming at the end of the session and I tell them they can't come until, and I put on like a chastity cage and lock them up. And then it's like prolonged for weeks that they don't come like this. And now they're just like on the edge all the time. And so you could have a like experience with your partner where you don't come or he doesn't come, but then you guys go out for dinner.

And the whole time he's thinking about wanting to fuck you and do all these things. And then maybe after dinner, you take him on his journey and then maybe, maybe comes, maybe not, right? So I love that. Like, do all this stuff and be like, well, our reservation is at eight. So we got to go. And he's like, what the fuck?

Through a dinner. How much you spent on dinner? Then maybe you can fuck me in the bathroom afterwards. Yeah. I didn't even think about this. I'm just personally for you and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But for a lot of your clients, you said, like, at like a sex club or a Domitrix dungeon, you aren't actually sleeping with a lot of the people. Is that the case?

No, I think a common misconception is that is that Dom's have sex with their clients, but that is not the case typically. You're really exploring all these other ways to get off. That's not sex. I think that's what makes it so kinky that you could get off on somebody pissing on you. You could get off on feet. You could get off on somebody kicking you in the right? Like there's so many ways to explore what gets you off. And I think that's what makes the that's what makes kink. It's like a deviation from the typical mainstream. I love that. I feel like we're even seen kink. Like you mentioned mainstream. I think we're seeing in like some of these dating shows. You know, like they'll have, there's so many out there and they'll, you know,

bring all the couples in. They're on some island and they like meet with some sort of workshop. They do some workshop and it's basically they're like blindfolding their partner and dragging like a feather all over their body. Like, that's king, you know, and like, that's a nice and true way. And it's, you know, it's not too crazy. You can watch it on TV, on ABC or whatever. So I think, like, like, I like that, you know, they're not going to do some of the more high level stuff, but I feel like we're even seeing this more in the mainstream of, like, prolonging that pleasure and, like, touch and exploring these different unique ways of intimacy. Yeah, no, I think eventually it's going to become more and more mainstream.

I feel like when I first started 16 years ago, this stuff was so still underground. And I was constantly monitoring, like, who's cool enough for me to actually tell, like, the truth about, like, what I do. And now it's like, it's, I'm just so open with, like, everybody and even, like, people in academia. Like, it's just, it's so much more acceptable now. And thanks to, yeah, just more exposure to it in films and shows, like billions and, and bonding and all these things, I think it's becoming way, way more visible. Yeah, I love that you're normalizing it

and conversations like this, normalize it because I think that some people feel like it's an all or nothing thing. You know, this is what I do in the bedroom all the time. And it's like, you can be a well-rounded, diverse person. You can like this. You can also be a librarian. You know, you can do it.

Yeah. I think that's the fun thing. It's just like, it's really just being a kid again, like remembering that the point is the play. and using the bedroom is a place to play. And it's such a liberating experience to step outside of your skin and outside of your roles of being mom or, you know, CEO and just being like, okay, I want to be a patient right now.

I want to be the student. I want to be a doctor, right? Like, you get to play somebody else and take on this role and just experience the sensations of like letting go and getting off on this whole other. experience that you typically wouldn't if you were so rigid in being this one person with one voice and one way of doing and fucking. Absolutely. Well, if somebody wants to level up, you want to level up from tying things up, tying people up, handcuffs, running crops,

let's talk about pegging. Okay. How does somebody introduce that into their relationship? I would say the easiest way in is just really not with like putting on a strap on and a giant black cog or anything like that, but just start with your finger, right? Again, we're always, it's, we're always trying to find like the way in and it's always something very subtle and it doesn't require any tools or toys or anything. It's just like your finger. And it could be that if you want, you can put on gloves, lots of lube. But the thing is, before you even get into any of that, you're really wanting to just arouse that area so that they could, be open to the experience. And so it could just be really touching your partner around their

asshole and just really teasing that area. And because you can't like just put something in there without that hole getting teased and opening up to you. It's, you have to treat it kind of just like a person that's opening up to this experience. It's like you can't just like jam something in there without any like any building up and teasing. It's just like you have to start really, really subtly and make it as pleasurable as you can. And that's by just going really slow. And it could be just like the sensation of having your ass cheek spread. Like even that is so vulnerable, right? Just even that. So like going really slow in that space and seeing how they respond to it. And if you find that they're like clamping up and getting really tight,

then you find a way to kind of loosen them up and it could be that you do what you need to do, suck on their cock, maybe you guys fuck first, like get them really aroused and excited and then introduce new sensations in a very subtle way. The sensation of like getting fucked in the ass is a pretty incredible feeling for a guy. And it's like that's their experience of actually being fucked like a girl, right? Like that's their whole that they're getting penetrated by and opening up to and like the orgasm that you get from like having your prostate massaged in that way is

a full body orgasm. So you could even introduce that idea of like you could have a completely different orgasmic experience with getting fucked in the ass. Well and that's on the physical end. I feel like a lot of it is just even seen if that's something they're into at all because I am sure many people are like,

that's not going to happen. You know what I mean? So maybe it's like the feeling them out conversation, how they feel about it in general before. No, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That definitely has to happen too. Can we talk about threesomes?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, let's talk about threesomes and orgies. I mean, I don't know if people are still using the word orgy. Like, it's group sex. Sorry. Or whatever. But, you know, a lot of people haven't had those and they want to know, like, we got

questions. So, like, how do I initiate it? How do we find someone? is how do they look? How do I not feel left out? You know, is it better to do it with strangers? I mean, again, we realize a lot of this is personal preference too. But any tips there? Yeah. I think it's always best for the woman in the relationship to initiate the threesomes.

So it's really you being the unicorn that experience in that you should pick someone that both of you find super hot and sexy and want to get intimate with. and an approach that could be a friend. It could be someone that you know somewhat well or maybe someone you're mad at the party and you guys really hit it off. But I think it is helpful to like know someone that you kind of know well

and have this conversation with beforehand, before you kind of dive into it. And just be like, oh, what would you think of like us three being together? And just introducing that idea of that, just that is a fantasy. And then, you know, something happens when you just begin with like having the conversation. I say, you know, just saying it can make it happen. So once you start talking about threesome, you're eventually probably going to have a threesome.

And it really is up to you as the woman or the femme in the couple to really initiate it because it just doesn't really work well with a guy bringing another girl in and being like, okay, girls, you're going to like do something super hot for me, right? like you have to be the one to really make the other, say if you're going to choose another woman, to bring her in and make her feel comfortable to this experience and make her feel at ease that you're not going to get jealous or triggered by her being with your partner, right? Like you have to create the safe space for everyone to play in and by showing that you're open and you're down to experience this pleasure together. And it's not something that,

that, you know, it is something that it's a litmus test of yourself and your sense of security and the security of your relationship. And if you feel like you're in a vulnerable position or a place where you don't feel secure enough, then it's not something you should introduce. I don't think, right? Because the last thing you want is a threesome where you end up in tears because your partner is making out with this girl and is really into her and you're like, no, right? Like you have to find a way to, for me, it's like you, you want to get to a place where you want your partner to experience this pleasure and you're getting off on him having this pleasurable experience with another. And it does mean that you have to overcome all these insecurities that you might have.

And so I think like open relationships, threesomes, adding other people into it is really like a push to to do the deep work on yourself and finding, like, is this something that you're comfortable with? And if it's not, then there's still something insecure within you or within the relationship that needs to be worked on before you can explore and play. I always, the thing that I always have with my partners is that we have to make sure the foundation home base is secure and set before we go out and play.

And so that's always the first fundamental piece. and that you guys are both honest and open and really good with your communication. Because you don't want like something to happen where you're like, oh yeah, I'm kind of into it. And then all of a sudden you realize that you're not really into it and you were just going along with it because you thought that this is what you're supposed to say and do. When the whole time you're supposed to be honest and be like, hey, I'm feeling something when you squeezed your arm that way. like, you know, like these things, you have to be completely open and honest in your communication. We had someone on, I can't remember recently, one of a guest, and we were talking about different ways to open up your sex life with including other people. And, Raina, do you remember

who said this? They said you could go to a sex party or sex club or whatever and just hook up with each other. And I kind of grasped on to that because I think some people have these fantasies of I want to be watched or I want to watch other people, but I don't necessarily know I'm quite there where I want to watch my partner penetrate someone else or make out with somebody else even or get intimate with somebody else. And I just loved that idea of like going to a place

where people are naked and they're fucking or whatever and you just kind of are there with each other. Yeah. So that's a great way to explore too. And it doesn't have to be, yeah, someone you know, it could be an innocuous place kind of like, you know, kinky rabbit, sanctum. There's a lot of fun, kinky, kinky,

sex clubs out there that you could get in, applied to get in. And they're really fun, sexy, open spaces. And you could see others having fun, sexy experiences. And you could test your own exhibitionism out or your voyeurism out and see if you want to like be an exhibitionist or if you want to explore, just like making out with another girl and seeing how that feels. Yeah. And I think that's a really good way to begin just making out with another girl. Yes. Love that. Yeah.

When somebody is thinking, this could absolutely, like Ashley said, be personal preference. But I was just curious what your thoughts were. Like, when somebody is thinking about having a reason for the first time, do you recommend finding a stranger or an app, like somebody on an app, or do you recommend somebody that you guys know,

somebody that you don't know? And like, how do you introduce those boundaries? Like, and that might be one size fits one for different people. So I was just curious what you thought. Yeah, I think it's pretty open. I feel like there's this one app. Is it called like Field? Yes.

Yeah. That you could find like play partners in that way. And then both of you as a couple can really go through this app together and be like, ooh, what do you think of her or him or what do you think of this? And so it becomes a couple's experience to to like find that third person or that unicorn to play with. Love that. And it could just be you guys are going on like just getting a drink first and getting to

know each other if you're, you know, surfing the app and you find someone. And it's just, yeah, treat it as you would like just going on a date with another person, but you're doing this as a couple, right? And you're both feeling into this other person. It could be a friend. It could be a stranger. And I think starting out something is super simple as like making out and and seeing how that feels like that chemistry. And if it feels like, oh, okay, this is good. Then and then make plans for another play date and go a little bit deeper. And really, yeah, just create the space where you as the woman, you're the one controlling the scene initially.

And then asking like, oh, like, what do you want to do? And really exploring what the other wants, like the other woman and making her feel comfortable in that experience as well. and so that she feels open and playful. I love the like start small thing here too. You know, I think, again, it's intimidating to be like, wait a minute, I don't want to happy like me and my boyfriend, for example, and this other girl, we all got to fuck each other.

Like, but I want to kind of think about it. So maybe it is you, you, the three of you, whoever it may be, or if you find someone an app or somebody you sort of know, I like that idea. Like you all go out and have some drinks and then you guys and make out at the end of the night, you know? Yeah. Like it's, you don't even have to, it could be in a public place even. You know, I'm on here giving tips.

Like I have expert. reasons, but I just like the whole idea of taking the intimidation out of it. And this, it can be such a, like, that's how we do things that are kind of extraordinary in life anyway. It's like, there's levels. It's not just like, you know, to the top, you don't just enter into the top level right out of the gate. So I love the idea of just like making out. If it is, like you want to have a threesome with your male partner in another one. Like, you do just make out and feel that out. And you also might be like, that was weird. And I'm glad we were in the bed. Yeah, totally. Or you can be like, oh my God, that was so hot the way you were

getting out with her, right? And so then giving a lot of space in between, that way you and your partner can like, you know, build up the fantasies and talk more about the experience and be like, oh, what else would you want me to do with her or what else do you want to see your experience? And then you're really building out the scene together. And then you could share that with the third and see what they think. And then it really becomes this like co-constructed fantasy that's being played out. You know, I think like with all these things like being a dom or like introducing more partners and threesomes, we always have this vision of it being like, you know, this like thing where it's

like, woman leather with a whip. It has to be like this or else we're not into it, right? Threesome has to be all these crazy positions in porn or else we're probably not into it. But it's like, no, it's the fun part is like figuring your way into it. And it's always so subtle and so it starts with the conversation and it starts with playing with these ideas and fantasies and planting the seeds and and always finding a way of how to both say yes to each other in this experience. I love the idea of the prolonged experience of all of this. You know, it's not just that, you know, it's picking out outfits, it's picking out a partner together. It's picking out toys. It's picking out, you know, what are some fun things we can do. It's

not just a person ringing your doorbell at 10.30 at night saying, hi, I'm here for the threesome. You know, and you all come in 20 minutes and then everybody leaves. You know, it's so much more about the journey. Yeah. It's so true. And all of this turns me on, you know,

thinking about like going to a sex store and like picking out toys with your partner, browsing an app and picking a person with your partner. And just all these things really excite me, the whole journey to the destination. Yeah. Excites me. Well,

should we wrap up with some of the, like, resources? I mean, once you get curious, you're going to find your way, right? I feel like once you're

curious about something, you're going to find your way. And so I'm happy to provide definitely resources. And if you're curious about becoming a dominatrix or exploring fem dom and kink, I'm,

that's what I'm in the business of doing and creating, just building an army of doms right now. And then it's a little bit trickier now with like sesta foster i don't know if you know about the laws of like being able to seek out like sex workers and doms it's it's harder to find um doms and sex workers advertising because all of that's being shut down under the guise of like sex trafficking and so i think exploring like social media and finding providers who have like websites and a social media presence

say you want to explore seeing a dominatrix together. Great place is Twitter and Instagram. And once you find one dom, you'll see that she's connected with other doms and all the other people that she follows and you'll see that there's clubs and links. And so you just go down the rabbit hole and you'll start finding what peaks your curiosity.

And even, I mean, we just have, you know, we're so lucky to have everything on our fingertips and here in New York and other big cities, you know, like L.A., Chicago, I'm sure it's a little more difficult in some smaller cities, but I mean, even I feel like if you and your partner

were just curious about exploring the space, you could just go to like a boudoir show together, or not a boudoir, burlesque show together, sorry, like where people are taking their clothes off or, you know, like I think some things like that or even like low level entry points into kind of like the sex space. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, the more metropolitan. Poles and cities definitely have more spaces to explore that. I mean, we went to, we went to a show, where were we? Were we in New Orleans? And like everybody, it was this really sexy bar and there were both, there were men and women dancers. So like we were there together as a couple.

But I can imagine how sexy that would have been if you were with your partner, you know, and there's just, everybody's getting naked and it doesn't, you know, male, female. It was just kind of like a hot vibe. Like, I could see that just. opening up the conversation of exploring things within a relationship. Yeah. Think about those girls' boobs every day.

Those girls are the best boobs of it. I'm sitting on a red leather cap, red velvet couch with Ashley. Yeah. That guy came out. Usher was playing. It was just like so sexy. We were on each other. And then also you have a bunch of research.

I'm sure people will want your website and then you're coming out with a mistress class that people can sign up for. So maybe tell people where they can find you and all your resources. I'm sure people will be so excited. Yeah, people can find me through my website called Prevent.com. And there I will also, yeah, it's a rabbit hole experience.

And the deeper you go, the more intimate experience gets. And there you'll also find the landing page for a mistress class and how to sign up to be a mentee and explore the world of female domination, finding your power, and making your dreams come true, erotic ones and big life ones too. Well, I'm so sad I didn't come to your class in LA. You know, Amy Chan invited me to your domination class in LA. But you miss it.

I was in Seattle. Whatever. Having boring vanilla sex. No, it's fine. It's great. It's not, you know, it's not dominatrix sex. Well, you're on your way. I'm going to go to fuck right now.

I go to the hospital really quickly and then I'm going to go. That sounds kinky. Exactly. She's studying for her role playing. Actually, you're going to come back. It's pretty hot. Oh, what? You could steal one of those, like, paper apron outfits for your roleplay and be like,

this thing is so. Right. Yeah. Well, that's like kind of, you could rip it off, you know? Yeah. You want to feel like you're so strong, but it's just paper. You know, you can rip off this paper, the gown. It's a gyno exam.

That's what we're all playing. Well, thank you so much. It's been so wonderful. And are there other, are there resources and things on your website? like FAQs, like, people like, how do I, like, safe words and stuff like that? Do you have resources like that? I'm building all of that right now. So yes. Yeah. Cool. All right. Well, thank you. This was really so wonderful. We really appreciate it. I know that our audience will flood your website and your classes. I'm so excited to hear how you're pegging those, how your blindfold,

I'm going to text you after I blindfold my boyfriend later. Okay. And I'm like, what do I do next? I'm like, what do I call you in the middle of it? I'm like, totally, please. Well, thank you so much. You are so wonderful. We really appreciate everything.

I love talking to you. Thank you. Bye. Bye. And you guys, of course, know where to find us. Girls Gottypodcast.com. Get tickets to our live shows in the cities where tickets are still available. We can't wait to see you all.

Sign up for our newsletter. We can get info first about tour dates and everything else. And follow us on Instagram, Girls Gotty Podcast. I am Ash Hass on Instagram. Raina is reina. org, girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. And we'll see you next week.

Thanks, guys. Have a good week. Bye.