Girls Gotta Eat - Being Happy Being Alone feat. Author Maria Del Russo

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

We're covering lots of important ground on this episode with writer/author Maria Del Russo -- how to accept (and enjoy) being single, finding yourself and not being a "dating chameleon", knowing what you want and don't want in a partner, not letting bad dates get you down, booty call chauffeurs, hammock sex, and more. We also introduce a new feel-good segment inspired by Maria's book "Simple Acts of Love" and catch up on Rayna's Russian adventure and who Ashley is beefing with now. We hope you enjoy! Follow Maria on Instagram @MariaDelRusso and check her out more here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @OneHungryJew, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: No Bull: For simple, durable, and functional training gear, visit nobullproject.com/gge. Postmates: Download the app and use code GGE to get $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days. Rothy's: Go to rothys.com/gge to shop their stylish, sustainable shoes. ThirdLove: Go to thirdlove.com/gge to find your perfect fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A tip that I also give in the book is that people should, like, if your partner's going out of town, like, leave them a little note in their suitcase for them to open up when they get to their location. Yes. So cute, right? And then you, like, find condoms. You're like, wait a minute. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. Welcome back to my birthday month. We'll talk about your birthday a little later.

Yeah. Oh, my God. We haven't recorded in so long. I haven't been here in so long. I, okay, so I just go back from a trip, like last night in the middle of the night, I walked into his apartment. I started crying. Okay.

I knew that you had been gone too long because you texted me. I miss Dewey. And that is not, like, you love Dewey, but you're not like, you're not going to be missing Dewey unless you really want to come home. Yeah, absolutely. I was on the plane and I was like getting choked up like about how much I missed him. He doesn't care about me. Look at him.

He's doing nothing. Yeah. I feel like when you're in a place that you really just don't want to be anymore, you start missing stuff about home that you don't even care about. You're like, I just want to go to Long John Silver's. It's like, why?

I did. I miss, I miss, you just, I'm not, this is not like such like a hot take, but like, we are so spoiled in America and especially New York that like you can

walk outside and have anything you want. And like, I really take it for granted until I leave this country. Yeah. Literally, I can have meals from 17 different nationalities. and get anything I want 24 hours a day at the drugstore on the corner all the time. I just take it for granted.

And people smile here. All right. We'll talk about it. Okay. But I did want to tell you what I did last night when I got home. It's very weird outside of the norm for me. Oh, my God. I watched straight porn.

What? Which I... Okay. First of all, let's just, let's walk this back a little. What time was this? You got home at three in the morning, right? I got home at one in the morning. I can't.

You got home from Russia. Got into your apartment at 3 in the morning. You're like, time for some porn. You know what? I'm going to try something new. You also had like a sex or you also had phone sex. No, you actually didn't. Your text said, I had phone sex.

Actually, no, it was more of a casual conversation. Low-key phone sex. I need more. First of all, now this guy listens. So I guess we can't talk about it that much. Casual phone sex. What does that even entail? I don't know.

It was like sexy talking. And so I was all horned up. And so... Level one. Level one. Tier one. Tier one. Oh my God.

Before after the port, I'm living for this right now. So here's what happened. I was on the plane. I missed you so much. I missed you so much. So here's what I'm on the plane. I'm on the jet bridge. I landed at like 11.30 and can't get off the plane for an hour.

So I'm texting with this guy and I was like, oh my God. Like when I get off this plan, I'm going to like hump the customs officer. Like I'm so. excited. And then like I sent him another text that said like, this kid next to me is so cute. I'm going to kidnap her. And he called me right away and was like, listen, you just had like back to back really bad ideas and I just, I need to talk you off this ledge because these are crazy people talk. And I was like, okay, so I guess we're on the phone now. So I stayed on the phone to him until 4 o'clock in the morning. Oh my God. Polished off a whole bottle of wine. I'm so

hungover. But like, yeah, a little like sexy talk am sued at the end of the, at 4 a.m. And I'm like all horned up with like nowhere to go. And I just. like really wanted to see a dick, which like, oh, like on the screen, not his. Well, yeah, I want to see his dick too, but like I. In person, though. Yes, in person. I didn't, yeah. Really?

Okay. So, like, if you guys don't know, I only watch lesbian porn. I don't know why you would know, but I talk about it a lot. And yeah, I just, I just feel like when I'm watching porn, I just don't want to see some, like, giant dick just degrading a woman. I was supposed to see, like, two women being nice to each other going down on each other. Right. And yeah, I turned on straight porn because I really wanted to see a dick.

And I'm just going to double down and just say, not for me. Not for you. Not for me. Just some giant, this guy was just like face fucking this girl. And I was just like, I don't want this. Is that the word? Face fuck. Skull fucked.

Scull fuck. Gross. I am like, vivid. It really paints a picture, doesn't it? I feel like someone, a man says the word skull fuck. and I'm like, hashtag me too. I'm violated. Okay. So, of course, we need to update you guys in the stupid live shows. We'll make it quick. But summer's in full swing. And this is the month of all these shows.

So excited. July. By New York. Bye, sanity. Okay. We're going to be together a lot. That's why we had to take vacations away from each other. Okay. So just to give you guys a quick rundown of what we have coming up, our fall tour will be announced on next Monday's episode. What we have available right now is obviously the next day is coming up, which we'll talk about. But then we're going to Phoenix, which is sold out.

Denver, two nights, the first night, which is Monday. We have a couple VIP tickets left, I think. So just double check. Salt Lake City is still available. So check that out. Toronto, a couple seats left. And Montreal, it is the Just for Last Festival. Tons of people that have been on our show are going to be there as well.

not at our show, but at the festival. So there's tickets left for that. And then finally, we're going to be in Minneapolis on August 2nd and August 3rd. We have some tickets left for August 3rd. Which August 3rd is a Saturday night. It's going to be so wet. Yeah. Do you love this venue?

It's so cool. Yeah, we haven't really talked about the venue. The varsity theater. It's studying. It's a really cool venue. I can't wait. So, yeah, Friday and a Saturday night in Minneapolis. I can't wait to be there.

I can't wait. Do you want to go out of Lenox City? Okay, Atlantic City. First of all, thank you for you guys that have sent us pictures of the billboard. I guess we're on a billboard. Okay. You all know I'm not a casino gal, but I love Caesars, Atlantic City for doing the most. That's all them.

Did you? I didn't even know this was happening until our listeners sent us the photos. I think we got like a marketing plan and we're like, sounds good. It probably said billboard on it. It probably said outdoor advertising. I didn't know. But yeah, if you guys see that billboard, send DM us all you want with pictures of the billboard. And somebody texted me a PR girl.

Like, you're on a billboard. And I said to Ashley, I was like, oh, it's just one of those like digital marquees at the late. Yes. Nope. Full blown. On the highway. We've made it. My parents are proud finally.

We're on a billboard at New Jersey. But the show. Okay. The show, yes. Guys, I can't give away how we're opening the show because I want to be still such a surprise. But the entertainment we have booked is like literally the beginning is like a separate show in and of self like for a girl's night.

I'm sure you can figure out what we're doing. Whatever. The show is going to be incredible. I can't wait. Make the road trip. Come with your girlfriends. Do it. We'll stay at the.

hotel, party with his after or not. I don't really know. Raina's looking at me like, please stop. Ashley likes to party with you guys after. Ashley makes friends with you guys after. It's going to be so amazing. And because we have continued to get your emails about 69 in support of it and the different ways you guys do it, thanks for all the graphic emails. There is going to be a little funny 69 segment. That's all I'm going to say. It's going to involve Raina. We're going to 69 each other on stage, live 690. Live 69 in Atlantic City. But yeah, and again, you guys, tickets to the stupid live shows at stupidliveshows.com and

Girls'Cuddypodcast.com. But anyway, okay, so speaking of 69, it is sort of the symbol for cancer. It is cancer season, bitches. So it's July 1st when this episode comes out. I know cancer season started a week ago because you guys bombed me with all the memes and my DMs, but since it's July 1st, it is my birthday month. My birthday is July 9th. So I really want to take this time to just talk about the war on cancers.

And I think it's funny because I had this thought the other day how you and I are always like, you know, where my Gemini's at? Where my Scorpio's at? Have you ever heard a club DJ say where my cancer's at? Nope. That's because you got the name cancer. That's why. It's like taboo.

Like we are being attacked on all fronts. Can you? I just feel like a club DJ is like, we're my Gemini's out. and then they skip to Leo. Because you can't bring up a terminal illness in a club. You just can't. Oh, my cancer is that dead silence. Everyone's like, I'm triggered.

My dad's, my dad is cancer. Yeah. But we get so overlooked in the clubs, for one. And I am. I put this on my Instagram story, but not all you guys obviously follow me on Instagram, which is problematic because I'm verified now.

Oh, shit. We've been to. Oh, yeah, we're verified on Instagram. Yay. Actually, actually, actually got verified. before me. I was in a really deep dark place about this for like, I don't know, 24 hours. How long?

Okay. I felt terrible. And here's the thing about me and Raina's personalities. I'm just glad it happened to me first because Raina was cool about it and I don't know how cool I would have. You are so right. I actually started imagining what would happen if I got verified and you didn't. I would wake up to like a hundred text messages.

You would have gone into a deep dark hole. Well, actually. Okay. Maybe not. you deserve it a little bit more. I have my big account that's verified. It's for Brose and Basic. You, it was crazy that you weren't verified with your brand and your food stuff and

your large following. It's weird. If you got verified first, it was actually kind of fucked up that I got verified first. So I, you were dealt with it really well. And I was sitting like, how, what can I do? Can I get her verified? Like, this doesn't feel right. I can't fully celebrate.

I actually, like, couldn't talk to Instagram. Because Ray is out here without a blue check. And then I felt like every time I comment on. something it was triggering to you. I felt like you were like, you were taunting me almost. Like every time you sent me an Instagram DM and I had to just look at your blue check. I felt like I like really, it was a lot for me. I was in Russia. Oh my God. Someone has said something snarky. I'm sure she was just being playful in my comments. You didn't see it because you were sleeping because of the time difference. But she was like, oh my God, I can't believe you got

verified. Verena. I bet she's so mad. You guys have to talk about this in the podcast and I deleted immediately. I was like, I don't want her to see that. I feel upset about that. You even said that. Don't try to start beef between us. Raina's fine. This is like how I knew she was a true friend segment. Thank you for leaving that. I was just like, I don't get off on that stuff. I was just like, we're supposed to be in this together. I was like, how on earth you Google one of us and only verify the one of us? It was a really tough like 18 hours for me. I didn't know what to do. Or 36 hours, actually. It was like a day and a half. I got verified the Thursday afternoon. What did you get verified? Tuesday morning. Yeah. It was rough.

I really felt like you were being like passive aggressive, commenting on my stuff. Yeah, I was trying to have to comment. All right, well, guys. We're both verified. We're both verified. A social media app that apparently that is what means you've made it in the world has given me a blue check and I'm excited about it. I didn't think I cared but feels good.

It's good, man. I was like, should we talk about this in the podcast? I'm a big fan of like act like you've been here before. Yeah. Like I wasn't going to do like, some people do like 10 Instagram slides about like being verified or hitting 100,000 followers. Which also we hit 100,000 followers on girls got to eat. Yeah.

Thanks guys. guys. But I was like, yeah, we should talk about this. It's what we're talking about it in a joking way. Whatever. If you think we sound cocky, you get verified. See how you feel. That's the thing when people get pissed when they're like, I can't believe they read ads. I can't believe they talk about this stuff. It's like, you do the same damn thing. I love when people come from me. Like they write like on like, I do like a cheesecake factory post and they're like, you sold out. I guess you're so pious that you would turn down all this money

from cheese. I bet you turn down the money. Right. But I like to pay my rent. I'm doing the cheesecake factory ads. Okay. Back to cancer season. This is really taking a turn. I took a tart. I do need to address something. This is the attack on cancers. And I put this on my Instagram story. It is a highlight now. But this, I had a real beef. Refinery 29. I knew you were going to say that. And listen, guys, this is not like a beef like I have with hinge. This is like a vegan beef. Like, this is like not real meat. I love refinery. Let's be real, but I did kind of start like a joking beef with them because all of their, they do like the

signs as whatever, the signs as snacks, the signs of cereals. Yeah. All the cancer ones. I mean, it was a full blown attack and I'm going to go through a few right now. I'm just going to do like three or four. Okay. This was the first one that I've known this for, I've caught this for like every once in while I would see one and be like, that's fucked up. But then it was like an onslaught and I was like, this is so fucked up. And also who's running, who's doing the horoscope's for refinery 29. I bet's a fucking tourist. Okay. So the first one, the three. The signs as birds. What?

Scorpio. Someone's job is this? Scorpio. Swan. Leo, peacock. Libra. Flamingo. Cancer.

Pigeon. You got the dirty-inch bird. You got the only bird people won't walk here. Get this one. Get this one. The signs as bake sale items. Taurus. Funfetti cupcake.

Leo. Frosted sugar cookies. Capricorn. Coffee cake. Cancer. Brand muffin Great. Pearl's X.

This one is insane. The signs as drunk eats. Taurus. A whole pizza. Libra. Tacos. Pisces. Crunch rap Supreme.

Cancer. You ready for this? Uncooked ramen. You get the ined edible snack. You can't even eat. that. This person, I want to, I want to learn who writes these and I want to hear from her because she is really beefing with cancer. Here's the last one that I'm going to do. The signs as bread. Taurus. Garlic cheesy bread. Scorpio, brioch. Aries, cinnamon raisin, cancer, white bread.

This is actually insane. What? This is a crazy phenomenon. So I, yeah. So then if you can go in my story, or it's a highlight on my Instagram, you can see on my verified Instagram. And you can see I screenshot it that someone said something about Taurus and the Refinery 29 responded and says it's because I'm also a Taurus baby. I knew it. Fucking knew it. And look, I just got to say this. Tourists, don't get upset. My best girlfriend, Corey's a Taurus. Love her to death. Tourist women are great. We always thirsted Taurus men. It's like a funny thing that we do. It's all in good fun. Okay. I just have to say that. But this didn't. start to feel personal. Oh, absolutely. But I got to know what happened with cancers. Yeah. That is white bread and brand muffin. I said something. Oh, the bread one, I commented. Cancers are quissants and everyone knows it. Got 59 likes. Refinery 29 responded to me and said, yeah, buttery flaky croissants. And I wrote, who hurts you? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is the best one. I'm so sorry. This is the best one. Okay. I got a time. What am I doing today? The signs as pie. Tori.

I like this game. I'm going to guess the worst stuff. You'll never guess this. You'll never fucking guess this one. The signs is pie. Taurus, sweet potato pie, Gemini, key lime pie, Aries, cherry pie.

Cancer. Just the crust. Look at the picture. Look at it. Look at the picture. Okay, guys, all the other pies are whole pies. Ashley,

Cancer is a white plate with a slice of, I'm crushed. I can't breathe. Oh my God. Okay. We got to post these last. Oh, okay.

This is so funny. It is so fucked up. Just the crassed ramen. This isn't debatable. Like, they are actually attacking cancers. Drunk snacks. You can't eat uncooked ramen. Just say ramen.

Right. You could cook that thing and actually have a great drug snack, but they were like, nah, make it worse. So crazy. You want to be able to do. this is funny as I do. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The brand muffin is all just so wild. Like, there's not 12 of anything. Like, there's hundreds of things. They didn't have to, they weren't, they didn't like, there's only 12 kinds of muffins. And they got down to the end, they're like, gosh, somebody has to be the brand muffin. Like, yeah. Hundreds of other muffins. No, that wasn't even, it was bake sale items, anything.

Birds. Birds. You're a pigeon. No, you know, you didn't, you guys even touch the cardinal. What about a hummingbird? Any pigeon. That is so rude. An owl for me.

Yeah. Anything. Scorpio. Swan. Fuck you. You're a brand muffin pigeon. White bread, just the crust, ramen. Uncooked.

Also, guys, please try not to DM me these. Just, uh, my DMs will be overflowing. I won't be able to keep up. There'll be hundreds. So please don't DM me. These, uh, tag me in them. I love to respond to comments because they get to show off my blue check. So if you see these,

Instagram tag me. Maybe I'll see it. Maybe I won't. Hopefully I will. Uh, just please, I gotta keep the DMs down. But I love you guys and I love that you think of me when you see this stuff. Okay. So tell me about your trip. We just both got back from trips. You went to Dewey. Um, I couldn't look at your Instagram story, Halley the whole time. You really don't watch. I genuinely don't watch. I don't want to know. I can't handle it. Doey was fine. I mean, I'm not really going to talk about it because you know what. I'm, I don't want Dewey to become overcrowded. We talk about it too much. It's going to be the next Tulum. I don't want anybody to come. I know. Dewee's over. Doey's over. Yep. Guys, don't go.

Don't go. It's going to be on the cover of your magazine. It was great. I won Merrill. It wasn't the same without you, but we'll be back in August. Yep. Couldn't watch her Instagram stories either. I feel like she like, whatever.

She's like stole my vacation, okay? Anyways, I went to Copenhagen, Stockholm, St. Petersburg and Moscow. You guys sent me hundreds of DMs with recommendations. So I'm like super grateful. That was really awesome. I got great weather while I was there. I don't know. I went by myself.

I got lots of messages about solo travel. A lot of people asked me if I feel safe. I felt super safe. Yeah. I mean, I don't do dumb shit. But, like, I don't do dumb shit in New York. But I think some places are safe for them. There's, like, not that these are even comparable places, but did you feel less safe in Cuba than, like, Moscow? I guess. I also don't know.

I mean, I don't know. Does Russia have crime? Yes, they've cried. I don't know how Russia works. Who the fuck goes to Russia, but I went. I mean, I wouldn't walk around by myself at night in, like, a deserted area. But other than that, like, I felt super safe. I took the metro. like I felt very safe.

People asked me a lot of questions about that. I think Europe is a great place to go if you want to do a solo trip because most people speak English. All the cities are populated. First World cities. It's not like a hard place to be. I ate really well. People ask me a lot of questions about,

oh, I just wanted to plug this website. I got a lot of emails about how I plan my trip. So I plan it on Visitasitaccom. I think that's it. I feel like I really hit a wall towards the end. I was really ready to come home. Russia's not the easiest place to be. Okay, listen.

The Russians are probably listening. The Russians. You don't recommend Russia. Be honest with our listeners. I don't recommend it as a solo trip. It was a tough place to be alone. That's what I will say about it. Like a little tough to get around.

Uber, no Uber. Like Moscow especially was really, really rough. And people aren't. Probably speaks English. Like not like any English. So that was just tough. And you don't have, you don't know the alphabets.

You can't even like improvise at all. And it's, yeah, they're not the friendliest people. Like, I'm from Eastern Europe. Like, that's where, that's my lineage. I don't think it's like a weird thing. Yeah, they're not, I didn't find them to be the friendliest people in the world. I didn't have, like, nobody's mean to me, but nobody was like overly friendly. Yeah, there's no Uber there.

So, like, yeah, it was a tough place to be. Yeah. But Copenhagen was incredible. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It was gorgeous. Yeah, look gorgeous Stockholm. Look gorgeous.

Also, just like the pictures you posted in Russia, like, what the fuck? It's crazy. It's stuff that you saw in books growing up. Uh-huh. I mean, it must be crazy to see that in person. To walk into the Kremlin is so crazy. Like, if you guys don't know what that is, that's where a lot of more Putin lives.

Like the White House? The Kremlin is like, it's a walled off area and it's all these like political buildings, but it's like four museums, it's a ton of churches. It's like the headquarters of the Vatican. Yes, basically. The Vatican or Russia? Yeah, it's the Russian Vatican.

It's just crazy to be there. So yeah, I'm glad I didn't. I was really ready, super ready to come home. And I'm glad that I'm home. And, yeah. Well, I'm glad you're home too. Don't leave me for that long again. But let's get into the episode today. Okay, guys, today in the house studio with us and Dewey, we have someone really special who I, Ashley and I knew of her before I met her in a bar last week and then ran to a restaurant

to tell Ashley it is better. So she is a sex and culture writer. She is the advisor for Playboy Spring 2019. She is written for Refinery 29, The Cut, Glamour, In style. And most importantly, she wrote my favorite tweet. What's the tweet? You want to say it? Well, now I'm on the spot. We posted it. If he likes you, you'll know it.

If he doesn't, you'll be confused. So, she's like, can I read my own fucking tweet? Do you guys want me to actually read this or? It's cool. I'll just sit here with Dewey. It's no big deal. It's fine. Take it away, guys.

Take it away. But anyways, Maria Del Rousseau, thank you for being here. We're so excited to have you. Thank you for having me. I love how this happened. It was so. organic and so amazing if only I could meet men this way. I know. Right. Raina, we had, she came to this party with Remy, Remy, who we had on a podcast called How to Come. You guys probably listen to it.

It's our most popular episode because of the title and the guest. But she, she was at Remi's abortion rights party and we had a dinner after and Raina walked in the dinner. She's like, you're never going to believe who I just met. And it is like, that's the thing. Like, we fan girl over like writers and content creators way more than we would over like an actor, you know. And she was like, Maria Risa from the tweet. And I was like, oh my God. I love that. Did you get her number?

Like you, yeah, Dush. Come on the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah. So like you said, brilliantly, I'm a sex and culture writer. I'm freelance, which means I work for a bunch of different places. Playboy is one of my main clients. It's the one I like to lead with because it just sounds really cool.

Yeah. It's super sexy. And I had the honor of being their advisor, which means I wrote their advice column for their spring 2019 issue, which was really cool. A lot of funny questions, which you guys could pick up the summer issues out now, but you could still get the spring issue and the column is also online. So if you want to check it out there, you can see it.

Sorry, are they from men or from women? That's what I was not exactly question. Men, women, queer, straight, everyone. Like the great thing about Playboy is when I started writing for them, they had just kind of opened their content up to be more inclusive and bringing someone like me on was a little bit of a part. of that. So it's really, really cool. I love writing for them. It's not the playboy that your dad used to

hide under the bed. But are there still like center folds? Yes, there are still center folds. It's a quarterly magazine now. So they have three per magazine. But they're really, really beautiful and well done. I'm sure. I would never, but like I kind of want to do it now. I would I would never. I would never like my parents would have to be dead. Yeah. And barely. I would love to pose for Playboy. I know.

It's kind of hot though, right? But like they're really, really well done. I highly suggest everyone pick it up no matter what your persuasion. I'm just, I'm fascinated by Playboy. I mean, I'm a former, well,

I'm a writer still, I guess. But as a writer, I'm just like, I love just watching magazines evolve over time. And I mean, that's just like, it's Playboy.

I mean, the cool thing about it is so I wrote the advisor column for the spring issue and the woman who wrote for the summer issue is a woman named Esther Perel. I don't know if you've heard of her. I email, yeah, I email her PR agent every month. She's amazing. You're a little triggering right now because we've literally tried to get her on since before we started the podcast. Because you came in talking about her books before we ever started this podcast. Yeah, no, she's amazing. I actually have met her a few times because she's a friend. Humble brag. She's a friend of a friend. I was at her pre-valentine's day party last

year, which was really, really cool on her and I, like, led a discussion about, like, the utility of Valentine's Day in the year 2018. Yeah, it was pretty, just for like this little intimate party. It was the most New York bullshit I've ever been privy to. Like, it was incredible. I was like, the morning after I called my mom, I was like, I was at the lovely Soho apartment of this, like, famed sexologist. Wow. Talking about the utility of Valentine's Day while someone plucked on a guitar in the corner. Like, it was the weirdest, craziest thing in the entire world. You just solidified your streetcar. So, yeah, the intro. was over. Right. So actually right

before we started recording, I was like, okay, so just make sure that you, like, give credibility to, like, what you're doing. So people understand why they're listening to your talk. Did I do it? Did I do it? Yeah, you did it. You dropped the right name. Casually at Esther Farrell's apartment. It was cool. She was, she's great. She was amazing. So you should read her column as well in the summer issue.

Yeah. I would die if you just, like, mouthed over the mic, like, she's a huge bitch. She's actually amazing. So I can't even joke about it. Of course she is. Beautiful. Great. Well, if you guys don't know who that is, she's an author. She writes a lot about fidelity and commitment and Corto's keeping, keeping stuff alive in your relationship. Her book really helped me out at a weird time in my life.

So I love her stuff. She continues to reject us. It's fine. We're fine. Okay. So that's, yeah, that's about, that's a lot about you. Yeah, that's me. Born and raised in New Jersey?

Jersey, born and raised. Like, so New Jersey, I used to watch the Sopranos in college because I would get homesick and it reminded me of home. That's amazing. I know. Your dad wears a lot of track suits? Well, not track suits, but he definitely has the gold chain. Like right now?

Yeah, you know, I got my Virgin Mary pendant around my neck and my Maria, you know, nameplate necklace, like, I'm a guinea bitch. You should wear that in your Playboy shoe. There you go. Just be like, just like full Adriana, serva, sopranos, realness. Like, yeah, I'm all about. Playboy, are you listening? We have the game.

I have a pitch for you. Yes. Well, yeah, we want to talk today about dating and, um, how it's terrible, but how to survive it. And obviously, some more about your tweet with their. I mean, there's a lot more to that. Sure. Yeah. I mean, the majority of what I write about is personal essays about my own dating life. I've lived in New York for over a decade. And I've been single for most of that time. And I feel like that in and of itself is an education. So I'm so excited to talk to you. Can you tell you, you are kind of dating someone now? Yeah. So like, I'm dating.

I just love the mall references. Can you just tell us that you knew, like, tell us what you told us before we start recording. I love it. I love a deep cut of like a mall. So right now I've been seeing, I've been seeing this guy for like, two weeks. It's been, it's newer. So it's long term. But it's like, we're in a long term relationship. We're picking out engagement. He's going to be upset about the centerfold. I know. That's all I'm saying. How did you get to date you for this long? We just like super hit it off. And I also think I, I, I, I question it all the time after our first date. I like went home and I was like, wow, did I like actually meet a nice guy today? No, probably not.

Did this work out? And like, is everything great? That's awesome. Shit. Yeah. So, like, we're just, I'm going along with it until he reveals himself to be a huge asshole, which by New York standard should be happening within the next three days. So we'll see.

It could be during this recording. It could be during this recording. He's like blowing up my phone sending me weird emails right now. So sending me dick pics as we're doing this. But, yeah. We should see the dick picks if he sends that. We should. I'll let, I'll let you guys know if there's a dick pick.

Okay. So, yeah, so we've been seeing each other. and it's actually kind of funny because he grew up the town next to me, worked at the Dunkin' Donuts that was Next the Limited 2 that I worked at. We were there at the same time, which is like the most Jersey mall rat shit I've ever said in my life. I don't know if some of our listeners will even know limited to. Do you guys know what?

It's now justice, which is bullshit. Oh, it is. Yeah, they changed it anymore. Limited 2 does not. Long gone. That's why I'm saying that some of our younger listeners didn't experience it. Yeah. So Limited 2 was like the spot that you would go for your butterfly clips and your body glitter and your freaking like cute dress to wear to like your homecoming in sixth grade like that was the shit i didn't get to shop there because i had such a gross birth i was just straight limited like i was like a six year old and i was like you like buttoned down cardigans and pencil skirts like six grade homecoming i just i wasn't i was so tall and gangly and like you were just like shopping at anne taylor law straight out the gate like gap like gap kids forget i was straight gas goes ashley she got me white house black black

market up in here. Girl, I'm sorry. Are we hating on White House Black Market? Because I will still shop there. I went to prom my sophomore year, Humblebrag, and I wore a dress. So White House, from White House Black Market. I wear Jessica McClintock. What a deep cut shit.

I'm loving all this mall culture. Is that still around? Jessica McClintock? I could not. Do you remember the ads in 17 Magazine? Yes, I do. And I was like, Mom, we need to go. Do you guys remember 579?

Did you have that? Yeah, Pittsburgh was all over the place. I can't remember 5759. What mall did you? They only sold sizes 579. And then in Mean Girls, they kind of spoofed it with a one three five. And she tells Regina George like, you might try Sears. Okay.

We need to stop. We had like 20 year old girls that are like, I don't get it. What is this? What are these old ladies talking about? Back in my day. Back in my day. We used to wear butterfly clips in our hair. What mall did you work at?

So it was. Jersey malls are like a big thing. Jersey malls were great. I lived in, I lived in a small, no. I worked in a strip. mall. It wasn't like a full like brick and mortar mall. And that's what confused me. Yeah. There weren't like Dunkin's in the mall. So it was a strip mall on Route 10 in Chester, New Jersey. What up? It was great. And so yeah, that was my first job in high school at 16. You worked at a standalone limited to. I worked to stand alone limited to. I didn't even know it existed. I was a sheik

bitch. People are like, why are you still talking about this? It's enough. Like no one fucking cares about your t-shirts. Whatever. It was great. Okay. So we picked a couple topics that actually you pitched to us. to talk about today. But what do you really like to write about? So what's your expertise? I really kind of, the joke, the gag about my writing is that like I just kind of use it as therapy. My whole thing is that I don't love it when people call me like a sex expert or relationship

expert because I actually have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. And that's very apparent in my writing in that like I just kind of say like here's what I've experienced of what I'm thinking. And if you relate to it cool. And the funny thing is we're all going through the same shit. We're all kind of experiencing the same thing. So I always kind of just say that I make mistakes so that other people don't have to. Same girl.

The reason why I got into this kind of writing and you guys might be able to relate is because I grew up in a very conservative Italian-American family where like I was told like, stay a virgin until you're married. Recently learned that my brothers were not given the same speech. So like that should give you. I just got chills. I find that very interesting. You should like so that's a whole other story.

Okay. But so growing up, I didn't really have like a lot of, you know, reference points for questions that I had about sex and dating and all this stuff. So I would Google everything. Like, oh, like, should I text him back or like signs that he likes me and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I Google that stuff is so funny. Right? I would Google this stuff. How's the one he likes me?

I did not have an older sister. I think I googled that this morning. Google. Your name came up. There you go. Your article came up. They're like, hello. First I asked Ashley, she's like, how the fuck what I know?

So I went to Twitter and saw you and now you're here. And now I'm here and it's full circle. But yeah, so I was reading these articles and like women's magazines and shit like that. And it was all about how I had to change myself to make a man like me. And that really fucked me up. I hope that it's okay that I'm cursing. What? Curse more.

Yeah. Sorry, mom. I can do it. Do it. Oh my God. So I kept like coming across these articles that said I had to change my. myself and that really fucked me up in early dating because I would just focus so much on like, how could I be someone that this person wants to date, which I think is a good mindset,

but the way that I was taking it was super toxic in that like I was like a dating chameleon almost. So I would try so hard to be like this girl that men liked. And I completely lost myself in my dating world. So around the time I started writing about sex and relationships, which was about 2015, 2016. I was just kind of fed up and super single and I was unhappy and I had all of these experiences that I had learned from, but I was also in therapy and I was like kind of just like working all this shit out. So I started writing about it. The first article I wrote was about how I may

never fall in love and I had to learn how to be okay with that, which was like something that I had felt from the beginning that, you know, all my friends whenever I would talk about my dating anxieties would be like, oh, it'll just happen for you when you least expect. it and no one really winds up alone and you know you'll fall in love and I was like no fuck that like some people don't right do like how old are you do you mind me asking do you don't have to tell us I was like how old are I now I'm 29 you are so yeah so I was kind of going through all this shit and I was like no like not everyone like meets the person and like divorce happens like people don't get married like there are actual reasonable ways that like I could wind up not in a

relationship, which is a very depressing thought. But I'm a person who has to sit with those feelings in order to kind of overcome them. It's like, you know, what do they call it? It's like you have to be like exposure therapy. So like I was just like, you're never going to fall in love. You're never going to fall in love. You're never going to fall in love. And that actually felt a lot easier to manage once I confronted it. So I wrote this story. People loved it. And so I just kind of started writing about all this shit that I was going through. One of my more infamous stories, out how we were talking about this before we started recording. I was dating this guy on and off for about two years.

And he was older. He lived in bed stuy and I lived on the Upper East Side. And he would, for those of you guys who don't live in New York, that's very far away. That is like dating somebody in a different state further. Yes, but further. Passport acquired. He would order Uber's to my apartment and he would text me and be like, there's going to be an Uber outside of your door.

It would be like 11 o'clock at night and he'd be like, there's going to be an Uber outside of your door in five minutes. I want you to come over. And I would go over there, like a crazy psycho person. He's like, it's an Uber pool. I was an Uber pool. I think this was before Uber pool was a thing. It was a black car. Thank you. I'd be like, oh my God, can meet a guy on the way there. I know, right? And then like, if it doesn't work out. So I mean, I don't know. If it's a black SUV, I'm getting in. I don't get. Like no self-suffer. A chauffeur on the one gets a dick. A lot of clock is the perfect dick appointment. It was, so I would do Can we stop for snacks?

I know. Do you have a water ball in the boat? This is like nice shit. You know there's mints and water in there? So I would do that. And then we were on and off, on and off, on and off. And then, like, it culminated in him asking me out for a drink, me drinking, like, four bourbons and getting slashed.

And then trying to kiss him. And he pulled back. And I went off on him in the middle of this bar, drunkenly slurring, screaming. I knocked over a bar stool. I was like, fuck you. You've been fucking with me for two years. Like, you don't get to do this shit. Like, bra, bra, bra, blah, blah.

And then I wound up at my friend's house eating chocolate cake. And I passed out on her couch after the fact. But I never saw him again. So what I learned from that experience after thinking about it was, hey, in the past, I probably would have blamed myself for this situation and been like, you're a dumbass. Why did you keep going back? And I definitely have blame there.

But guess what? Like, you don't get to treat people like. shit and then call them crazy when they go crazy. Like he was completely gaslighting me. So I wrote that story and I was like, oh wait, like I actually have Intel because like I've been doing this work and I'm a very introspective person. And so I was just like taking on these lessons and going to therapy and learning all this shit.

And I was like, why don't I share this? Because I did not have this growing up. Right. You know, 23 year old Maria probably would have benefited from a story like this so that she didn't drunkenly on bourbon, like curse a guy out and call him a dick in the middle of a crowded bar in midtown. Like not my proudest moment. Right.

So, yeah, that's kind of how I got into all of this. And after I left Refinery 29 in December of 2017, things have just kind of taken off from there. I got my first book coming out. It's so amazing. All that stuff. So I love writing about all that type of stuff. So, okay, my question, your tweet, your meme says the best advice. you ever received, I think.

Isn't that the verbiage of it? Yeah, it was, yeah. So it was advice that had kind of come. It wasn't direct advice that I'd gotten. It was something that kind of came to while I was doing an interview. That's what I was going to ask. I was like, you figured out on your own. Yeah, so it was funny because I was interviewing this sexologist, who's actually from Australia.

Her name is Julia Allen. She's amazing. She actually has a line of crystal dildos, which are amazing, which I'm obsessed with. I don't own one. but I'm like very into crystals and shit like that. So I'm like, there's some nice over. All right. Well, if anybody's listening, send her a crystal dildo if you have one.

We'll take one too. We'll take one. So, and we were kind of talking about this whole idea of, um, it was actually about social media. I had this guy who was like liking all of my posts and he was like doing all this shit. And I was like, he must like me, right? So let me write a story about this so I could figure out. It was during a gap in therapy.

And I was like, let me actually like. talk to a sexologist so it'll be like a therapy session. That's what I sometimes do when I'm writing. And we were talking and she was going on and on and on about how like, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know. And I was like, yeah, but like, mixed signals are a thing. And she's like, yeah, but are they really? And I was like, oh, like, that's actually a really good point that like mixed signals are actually the clearest signal you can ever get. I love it so much. And so I came to the conclusion that if they like you, you'll know and if they don't, you'll be confused because every person who you've probably ever spoke a do is in a relationship has been

like one of the things I like about this person is that I know it was just easy yeah it's easy and I knew and I didn't have any doubts and like we'd a friend recently there was like I don't know if I love and we're like you'll know yeah I promised you you'll know that yeah or like I with this guy who I'm kind of seeing now it's new and I'm kind of like I don't know if I like him but I know that I want to keep seeing him because like there's clarity even in the those gray areas too which I think is something that people get tripped up on yeah I have conversations with my girlfriends all the time where it's like, well, like, I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend, but like, I really like spending time with him. And I'm like,

okay, well, you've only been dating for two weeks. Like, you shouldn't know if you want him to be your boyfriend. I felt that like, I don't think I, this guy doesn't seem like my quote unquote type, but like I can't stop. I want to see him again. Exactly. And that's, that's just how I operate in life. Yeah. I want to see you. I want you in my life. Yeah. And that's the whole thing is that like, okay, well, then you should continue on those feelings. Some of the feedback that I've gotten from that meme is, well, I'm just confused all the time because, like, I'm not used to people showing that they like me, which I think is a problem that a lot of women especially deal with in dating. And the thing that I say to that is, again, it's clarity, like, there will be

clarity in it all. Like, you will just kind of know. And I hate that shit because I'm one of those people who's like, you need the answer. Yeah. Or I'm one of those people who like hates it when, like, you go to a wedding and you hear people be like, oh, I just knew from the moment that I saw you, Like I fucking hate that shit because I think that it's bullshit, but there is also clarity. You know what I mean? So how did you, you said that you were like this dating chameleon of like you were just trying to do it? How did you stop doing that? And just.

It was hard. And I still sometimes find my, I mean, I've had this realization for four years now. But I feel like I still sometimes fall into it because I'm such a people pleaser. I'm someone who just wants people to like me from the get-go. And that's amplified when I'm dating a guy. so I'll laugh at his jokes, even though they don't think that I'm funny. I've always been told that I'm a little bit too much that I'm loud and I'm opinionated. Like, I'll go home to my conservative family.

My uncle will be like, do you talk about like abortion on a first day? And I'm like, yeah, I talk about abortion on a first day. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? No, I don't talk about abortion on a first date or my views on abortion. But I've always been kind of told that I'm a little bit too much. So I would try and like make myself smaller and do all these things that would kind of make me more pleasing because, you know, I feel like especially in your early 20s, the girls who tend to be in these relationships are girls who are very pleasant and who are very unassuming and who are kind of,

you know. Guys always say like it's easy. She's easy. It's easy with her. Not easy sexually. It's just it's easy with her. It's easy. I don't have to worry about it. Exactly. I don't have to work at it and all this stuff. So I would try to figure out ways to do that. I've written an essay about this how like if a guy, if I would read a dating profile and a guy was like, I'm really into like Russian literature and the who I would like talk. I would be like, okay, let me like read Anna Corinna and listen to them like, you know what I mean? Like I would do shit like that.

Or if a guy was like, I really like watching the game on a Sunday with some nachos, I'd be like, oh, I love that too. Like I would just kind of like figure out ways to kind of fit into their life. I tell guys that I work out and that I would go camping. And that is the biggest fucking crack of shit on the planet. I would literally rather get butt-fucked by a football team. All right. The whole team.

For me, camping is like, I'll go for a hike, but, like, I need indoor plumbing. I mean, I was, like, going back and with this guy the other day about it, too, he's like, doesn't it sound beautiful to, like, lay in a hammock and watch the stars? And I'm like, you can't fuck in the hammock. There's mosquitoes. Why do I need to be in the hammock and watch the stars? We can go to the rooftop of a hotel near the hike and watch the stars and then go fuck in the bed. With a bartender.

Yes. Like with someone serving us alcohol. Right. Where are the drinks coming from when you're in the hammock? Exactly. What kind of we? No sex position works in a hammock. Try me.

No. I would love someone. You guys have to get someone on this show to talk me through sex in a hammock. I'm sure it's happened. Oh my God. I grow up. It's too. No one can do.

I'll teach you to have sex in a hammock. Take the hammock lay it on the floor. And then fuck on top of it. Here's that I have sex in a hammock. Fucking burn the hammock and go in a bed. Like where are you? That's it. No. Absolutely.

But I like this. I like what you're saying with it. Like you, and this is like a topic that you pitched us that I want to talk about, which is that like you spend all this time try to make yourself like the kind of person someone else would like and you've never stopped to be like, do I like this person? Yeah. So I took a look back at my previous relationships because, again, I'm very introspective,

do a lot of therapy. This is what I do. And especially when you're someone who's single and dating while also writing about your relationships, like everything is under a fucking microscope. So I took a look back on my relationships and what I was starting to find was there was like a moment around the four month mark where I was like, oh, I don't actually like this person

as much as I thought that I did. And I started wondering why. And I realized that so much of it had to do with the fact that I was a dating chameleon and I was putting all of this effort into figuring out how to make this person like me that I was not taking a second to think about, well, okay, what do I like about them?

Do I even like them? Is this even a person who I want to be with? Or am I so obsessed with the idea of getting them to like me that I'm not even taking that into consideration? And when I've talked about this with other women, they're like, holy fucking shit, I do that all the time. And I just never really realize that I've done it. So it's really changed shit for me.

And people, like, don't get me wrong. Like, I will never be like a complete dick on a date. but I really just have kind of flipped the focus around and it's allowed me to be myself more. Yeah. Because I'm like, hey, like I am just figuring out what I want here. That's what dating should be. And if you don't have a problem with it, then, you know, you're not for me. Then you're not for me.

And that's the whole thing. Like, there's some dumb fucking Pinterest quote that floats around. And that's like you could be like the tastiest like peach on the tree, but there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches. You know what I mean? And like we say that about our, our career. Yeah. We could be the best podcast in the world. But Esther Perel will never be on the podcast. Well, thousands of people will still hate us. Exactly. It's just you can't, yeah, you can't please everyone. Right. And so once I realize that. Thanks for the Esther Perel day. I'm just kidding. No, I can't. She's like, but I know from personal experience, Esther Perel is never

never going to be on this couch. Okay. So when you were talking, I thought of something. And I had this moment of clarity in a relationship. At the end of somebody left me. And I've talked about this on the show before. But he left me and I wrote him a letter the next day. And I said, I will change. He left me. It was so devastated. I said, I will change every single thing about myself just to have your love, just for like another hour of your love. And before sending it, I thought about that for a while, like that sentence. And I thought like, am I willing to change things about myself? And is this person worth changing things from my love? And is this person worth changing things from my love? And myself and like are the things that I'm going to change worth changing for this person. And I realize in the moment I like type that sentence and I was like, I don't believe this. Yeah. Fuck that. I'm not happy and you're not worth changing things about myself for it. Don't get me wrong. I truly believe there are certain things that some that some people should change about themselves. Exactly. One thing that actually talked about last week on our, or two weeks ago

on our episode was she said, you know, I wasn't super empathetic in this last relationship. And I realized that about myself and I want to change that. And I thought that. that was like a beautiful sentiment that she was like, I identified this thing in myself. I don't like it. I'm not proud of it. I'm going to change it. Yeah,

you grow up too. Exactly. But I just think the number one thing I've learned across the board, relationships, friendships, work relationships, romantic is just also like pick your battles and you can't be mad about everything.

I mean, those things, yes. Like change your levels of triggering anger, reactions, those things. But as far as like, am I loud? Am I political views?

My sense of humor? Never going to change. I mean, and if you really want to boil this down to some like Buddhist like Zen shit. I did change myself by not changing myself. You know what I mean? Like it was still like a change.

It was just like a more positive, a more like, like it was a better change. The same way that you were saying that you wanted to be more empathetic. It was kind of like, hey, would I actually want to date someone who was just a people pleaser? Right. Who was just like constantly trying to be the best. Like it's no, that's not fun. It's not sexy.

you kind of want, you don't, people think in relationships, this is what I found in dating, in talking to men, in talking to women, and talking to everybody is kind of just like, people don't want an exact match. It gets boring. If like, you like all the same things and we do all the same things, blah, blah, like, no, fuck that. Like, you want someone who's going to challenge you in certain ways, right? Keep it interesting. What do you talk about if you have all the same hobbies? Exactly. So you kind of need, you don't, the person I was trying to be was not so. who people would actually want to date because obviously I'm still single. Like obviously that's not something that was happening.

But so it's not like what you were saying is yeah, you don't like there are things about yourself that you should change and change is sometimes good. And I'm someone who believes that every relationship can teach you something about yourself. But there are things that you shouldn't change. Right. So I'll give you an example of something that I'm like ashamed of. And I did. So I think that a lot of people suffer from this.

like I want to make him like me when you meet like good on paper guy. And when you meet somebody that's just like successful and makes money and you trust them and like whatever. And I dated somebody like this for quite a long time. And the day that gay marriage was legalized in the United States, him and I were in the car and I was like so excited. I mean, this is such a huge thing for the country and I'm such a supporter of gay rights. And he said to me, I don't see what the big deal is. And I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, all right, so they're allowed to get married.

And I was so angry about that. In that moment, I was like, we are not a match. The person that feels, whatever, have different political beliefs than me. But, like, I think that that goes a little bit deeper. Somebody who just doesn't think that that basic human right is important. Sure. And I just sort of let it go. And I'm ashamed of it.

To this day, I'll never forget it. Like, I didn't need to change how I reacted to that to please him. Fuck that. Yeah. It's so funny that you say that because I was having, like I said, my uncle has asked me many times, like, do you talk about it? your political beliefs to men. And I'm like, maybe not on the first date.

And I used to never talk about it. And I used to like not really fight with them, not fight, but like, you know, have a disagreement with them. Exactly. But recently I had the realization where I, before I have sex with a dude, I ask like, okay, what do you think about abortion? Because why would I want to fuck someone if they did not align on my views with abortion? Because like, you would want that.

You guys need to be aligned on that shit. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's a hundred percent something that you guys need to be aligned on. And like in the past, I would have never been like, I would have been like, oh, I don't need to talk to them about this. Like, I have my views. And if they have their views, it's fine. And like, we don't have to agree to disagree. But like, that is something that.

It comes up a lot quicker too. Yeah. I mean, let's just be real. Five years ago, like, you could get through dates upon dates, a few dates. And this shit wouldn't come up. It is bubbling up every single day in my mind. So, like, it just comes up way earlier. Totally.

And I just, I just would never, I would, I've said this before. I've never date a conservative Republican person, but they wouldn't date me conversely. This isn't me shouldn't. I mean, it's just like, we are not a match on both sides. But, yeah, I mean, I just, I just love what you're saying about, like what Raina kind of said about the good on paper and where you're like, this is a person I'm supposed to like. Like, this is, you know, I'm the captain the cheerleading squad. He's the football quarterback. Like that kind of thing.

Sure. Like, this is this perfect person. All my friends think he's hot. He's popular. He's great. And why don't I like him? then you try and try and try to make him like you. And yeah, you're then, you were ringing your finger and you're like, oh, fuck.

I don't actually like this person. It's so funny. My mom and my father. I can't relate. No. We all know. Everybody knows my stance. But my mom and my dad used to always love to tell me that I don't like nice guys.

They're like you only like people who are mean to you, which was probably true in the beginning for like myriad reasons. I was like super fucked up about like the chase and making people like me like we were talking about. But as I've gotten older. And, like, I've been dating super-duper nice men. I'm still, like, I say to them, I'm like, I can't just date a guy because he's nice. Like, nice is not enough.

Like, yeah, you want someone who's going to be nice to you, but, like, that can't be the only good thing about them. I'm not fucking nice. Exactly. Like, what I mean is I'm not going to fuck somebody who's just nice. Sure. And that's my whole thing. I'm not fucking nice. I literally was on the phone with my mom.

And I was talking about this guy. And I was like, yeah, he's super nice. And I know that he really likes you. But, like, I just, I don't know. I know. And she's like, what? I don't understand. I was like, I will never want to have sex with him. Like, it's just not a thing. I don't want to fuck him. I never want to fuck him. It's done over. Like, he does not get me excited. It's never going to happen. So I can't continue to date him. And she's like, all right. Your mom's like, the lasagna's done. I got it. But nice is, nice is the biggest insult.

Like, if that's all the only word you can think of to describe somebody is nice. Kind is kind. I like the word kind. Kind is good. I like that. Kind. But I think my biggest. fear, you wrote that article about ending up alone and needing to accept that, my biggest fear is ending up with someone I feel lukewarm about. What a nightmare. I don't think you need to fear that. That's not going to happen to you. No, I'm saying in general. In general. My biggest fear, thank you. I know it's never going to happen to me. But like, I'm a good on paper guy who I'm still very good friends with. He's a wonderful person. Like we, I remember I broke up with him and I said to him like, I love you, but I'm never going to be in love with you. And he was like, I'm not either. And like, I think

that that's like a beautiful sentiment that we were both like, yeah, I feel lukewarm about you. And the whole thing is, you know, you deserve to be super like totally like over the moon about something. And they deserve to be with someone who's over the moon about that. I'm sure I told him. Yeah. If you're not,

we had Mark Manson on, which is just fuck yes or no. If you're not, fuck yes, it's a no. It's a no. For you, I liked your whole like,

your shock therapy of like just telling yourself like, you might end up alone over and over and over until you believe up. Are there other things of that too? Like I have been in love before. But I'm also kind of like accepting like, I don't know. I might not get married. I don't care. Maybe I'll just be a single icon. Forever. That's my new life goal. Some of the other day was like, what do you want in life? I was like, I want to be a single icon. A single icon. I love that. I'm kidding. Not really kidding.

But what else did you find was helpful in this acceptance of it might not happen for me. I still think it will happen for sure. I really have to say that like just kind of I threw. So I didn't just leave Refinery 29. I got laid off from there. And going through that and like experiencing a loss that had nothing to do with my relationship really kind of recalibrated shit in my mind. I'm not saying that like people have to go through a trauma in order to like do this. But like that was something that was really useful for me because it deprioritized relationships in my mind.

And I used to never really believe people who were like, oh, the second like it stops being a priority for you like shit will happen. I don't necessarily believe that. But I am someone who's a big proponent in like, you know, building a life that you, not only that, like, you want to live, but like, would a person who, would you want to fuck a person who is living a life that you were living? You know what I mean? Like, kind of like putting that idea into practice and being like, hey, you know, there's other shit going on in my life. There's, you never, I've never been someone who's wanted to rely on a relationship like that. That's like, that's the main important part of my life. So why was I making, finding a relationship the most important. part of my life. I love that so much. We say that all the time. I think it's our constant message. Yeah. Yeah. Like men don't, whatever. Who cares what men wants what we want? But they, they don't want a woman that the relationship is all she has. You know, like, it's a scary thing. And I knew that. And I knew that solely on somebody for your happiness. Totally. And I knew that,

like, on a logical point, but like, kind of I was not, I was not linking the two. So I was like, yeah, finding a relationship is so important to me because it's something that I want. And like, I don't know that I'll be happy until I find it. But I still like, but so I was making that the sole focus of my life while telling myself that a relationship wasn't going to be the soul. Like, you know what I mean? It just was like such a disconnect that I couldn't really connect. And it was really getting laid off that made me realize like, oh, fuck, this thing that I was relying

on to be like my sole source of like identity and happiness is now gone. And now what? Like you have to figure out what the fuck to do. and it really like I was I was basically a nun for nine months like I didn't date I didn't do anything I was so focused on just like getting my career back off the ground and I've been dealt this terrible blow and you know kind of growing from that that it really deprioritized relationships and once I had decided to get back into dating I looked at my life and I was like oh shit like I have this great life regardless of whether or not there is a relationship in it this is just the cherry on top now

And that's the way that I kind of look at relationships now. Is that like, yeah, it's just like a cool, fun extra thing. It's like the sprinkles on top of my ice cream cone. Like, it's nothing else. And I mean, the stuff that happens when you don't have a relationship. Like, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't have. What if I remember being with a guy when I was 27 and all my college girlfriends

were getting married. Yeah. I was with this guy and I thought I loved him and saw a future with him. And I would just worked in PR and an office job. And I liked it. It was fine. It was definitely, you know, I don't know, making very little money. and was like, well, hopefully I'll just marry this guy, you know, and like, what the hell

would my life have looked like? Yeah. I feel like after that, we broke up. It was devastating. And then I didn't really find anybody else for years. So I was like, well, I guess I have to like do a career. Sure. Like, I guess I have to.

And then I was like, I hate this job in PR. I want to go back to writing. Now I want to do stand-up comedy. Yeah. Now I want to be on TV and I want to do all these things. And it was just like, what if I just would have married that dude? I thank God every day. because like during it's true during that period after my layoff I remember I would like call my mom crying and be like this would be so much easier if I had a partner like I don't really have anyone I have my family in New Jersey my friends are around but I just like I was like if I had the support of a partner this would be so much easier but like now looking back on it I'm like I'm so happy that I did not have that safety net of a partner to lean back on I really it was a moment that I really had to force myself to like be the independent woman that I was posing as on the

internet. I love that. I had been posing as this like, I'm dating. I'm like the millennial Carrie Bradshaw and I'm doing all this great fucking shit. And like I was posing as this like, you know, caricature of myself and I was a hundred percent not that person. And then this layoff happened. I went to Paris for two weeks by myself. I knew one person in the city. And like, I just really had to get used to being alone, like actually being independent instead of just saying that I was. I love that. And it was like the most. revolutionary, life-changing experience of my life. And I can look back on it now and be like, yeah, that was really fucking hard.

But I absolutely needed to go through it. It was so necessary because now I'm the type of person that I would want to date. Like I will be such a good partner to the next person because I've done the work on myself. Yeah. You know, and I have the emotional intelligence now to walk into a relationship and be like, I know that I have a lot to offer. I will be enhancing your life. You will be enhancing mine.

I don't need you, but I want you. And that difference between need and want is like the key to it all. I'm convinced. For sure. And we both have friends like this that have never been on their own that have got that got married young. I mean, and this is, again, we never shit on people.

We're not shaming, exactly. But like, what would happen if they broke up? Yeah. What would actually happen? You talk about a couple, you know, I think, from Pittsburgh. And you're like, she just married him straight out of college. He's done everything for her. She's always had him to lean on.

What would happen? I had a girlfriend who, she's, I don't want to like shit all over people. will have been in love since high school. Good for you. That's great. I'm not like a bitter single person. It's great. But I think that I'm proud of how being single has enhanced my life.

And I have a girlfriend who, she's both her husband since they were 16, which is like crazy. More than half their lives, they've been together. I wanted to go to D.C. with her. And she was going to have to, I forget why, to stay for work or something. She was going to have to come back by herself.

And she refused to come with me because she had to go back to New York by herself. And because she's just never had to do anything by herself. And this is like a 33-year-old New York City woman. would not drive from D.C. to New York by herself, wouldn't do it because she's just never done it. I'm glad that I haven't been crippled by those. And it happens with men too. I mean, I think women are strong and resilient and can get through anything. Let's be very clear. I think that they are more strong and resilient than men. But it's anybody that you've always had someone to lean on, even if it's your parents. I mean, even if your parents have always, you know. And I also know that there are women out there who are able to be that independent person, even within a partnership without having ever been. alone. You know what I mean? Like, I've met people like that who just like are very secure and know

who they fucking are and like have always kind of been that way and are able to bring that to a relationship without having that boot camp of being single by yourself. I was not like that. I was like, my husband will be my person and like that will be in. And I needed to like actually go through this. And I tell my therapist all the time, oh my God, that's such a New York, my therapist. My therapist says, I tell my therapist all the time and I said, I'm excited for my next relationship. because I just think that like it's going to be so amazing because I'm choosing to be in it. It's not a desperation thing. It's so accurate.

So one of the things you said when we were talking to pre-recording was how to go on dates that I guess what don't end well and not feel not want to kill yourself. I want to like kill yourself at the end of like a terrible day. And there's a book. My mom got it from a years ago. I just remember I never read it. Sorry mom. But the title was like dating makes you want to die. We have to do it anyway or something like that.

It was like I always the title stuck out to me. I mean, I don't think I need to read the book. I get it. But yeah, sometimes you just like, you're like, this is horrible. It's exhausting. You like leave a date. You like cry. Yeah. And you're like, I'm such a pussy.

But that, what is going on? This is terrible. Yeah. Is that what's out there? Yeah. That's the, like, especially right after a relationship ends, you go on a terrible date. Try to not cry. Yeah.

No, I had dinner with a friend of mine who recently moved to San Diego, who broke up with a boyfriend. and that's part of the reason why she moved. And we were talking and she was like, well, you're never going to meet someone in New York. Like, New York is full of assholes. And, like, if she had said that to me two years ago, I would have 100% believed her and, like, fell into an anxiety spiral of like,

oh my God, I'm never going to meet someone in this city. I have to move. I have to figure what the fuck else I'm going to do because, like, it's never going to happen for me here. But, like, now, like, we were talking about Aziz before we started writing. And he writes it, or before. we start recording and he writes in his book about how when our parents were dating you met people

who were in this small circle right and so like it was easier to meet someone and to date and to like get married on this stuff now we don't live in towns like that we live in this big fucking city and it's crawling with assholes but it's also crawling with good guys but the way i look at it now is since that we are we have access to so many different people there is a greater chance of it not working out than it actually working out like and i think that that's It sounds like a depressing statistic, but it's actually- Right. So where does the not want to kill yourself come in? So me not wanting to kill myself is that I go on a date and I'm like, and don't get me

wrong, I still get really down about shitty days because there are just terrible people out there. And the way that I look at it is, wow, how could I have not like weeded this person out before we actually sat down and went on a date? But the thing that gives me pieces, okay, that's one step closer to actually meeting someone who I'm going to be with. Like, this is like, okay, so it showed me that like I actually, don't want to date someone who, like, has a fucking picture of Machu Pichu and talks about how exciting his life is because he ate, like, street food in fucking Vietnam and, like, did all this.

Like, you know, like, you're, but I'll date that guy. You'll date the shit out of that guy. I will street, street food and Vietnam guy. So I'm like, so I actually like, wait, do you know that guy? No, I was like, wait, let me send you his bumble profile. No, the way I look at it is I, it kind of like gets me more educated. Like I just always kind of look at dating as a sociological experiment in a weird way. And I'm kind of like, okay, even the shitty dates show me a little bit more about what I actually

want and what I actually deserve and what I don't want. You know what I mean? I think that that's something that people get tripped up on a lot is the idea of knowing what, like, people know what they want. But it's harder for them to say what they don't want in a way. And I feel like going on shitty dates like this is kind of like, oh, no, I don't want someone who just like constantly talks about himself and doesn't ask me a question about myself.

Or I don't want someone who like empathizes with like this truck. He thinks that this Trump tweet actually had a really good point. Like I don't want that shit. Like I don't want someone who like still lives in his parents' basement. No shame. But like I don't, you know. Like used his dad's money to start another app that the world didn't you.

Exactly. That guy's not my guy. Or someone who's sitting here mansplaining to me about why the government shouldn't pay for my birth control. Like any of this shit. Like it's for me, I just try. and look at it as like information.

And I also say to myself, this has nothing to do with me. Like that person literally only has the ability to make me feel bad about myself if I let them. Or make me feel bad about my prospects if I let them. Like this shitty date literally has nothing to do with my chances of getting. And you have a good story.

Like hopefully, I mean sometimes sometimes it's just boring and depressing, but like the crazy Trump guy and the mansplainer, like I live for that. Yeah. I stay on those dates. Yeah, because you're just like, I'm so fascinating. And like, whatever, we get to, we get to discuss on a podcast. But regardless, like, all the women that are listening to,

they go to brunch with your girlfriends and shit all over the sky. Like, it's funny. You have content. Like, I just think terrible life experiences, build character. And, like, they're all, like, learning experiences and stuff like that. Like, I think you can really take something away from most dates. And I think you just always have to pat yourself in the back for going. Totally.

Like, I cancel so many dates. And I'm like, you know, good for you for going on a shitty date. You know? Then the thing that I always like, you just like, you just like, you know, you're going. to think about my my I talk about this constantly my younger brother his name is Anthony he is like my little Buddha he's 24 and I actually text him about dating woes sometimes because I'm just like he's just very wise my brother and he read a quote in a book that was something like what was it shit it was like the wake of a boat has no indication on where the boat is actually going so like

what he's trying to say in that is that past experiences have not have no bearing on future results, right? So you could have, trust me, I've been on literally hundreds of shitty dates that has no bearing on the next date that I'm going to be on. I love that. I love it. And I love what you said, by the way, and I just want to give some credit to is that person, like, it has nothing to do with you. That person was exactly who they were before they walked into the bar. So it has nothing to do. Maybe they weren't bored or rude or maybe you did piss them off and it just sort of has something to do with you. But like, who cares? A hundred percent. But I think that we have the tendency to think that because we have not been in a relationship. Like I used to put

so much emphasis on the fact that like I haven't been in a relationship, a serious relationship, whatever the fuck that means in like four years. And I used to say to my brother, oh my God, this is like crazy shit. Like I'm never going to be in a relationship. It's so weird that I have not been in a serious relationship in four years. And that's when he said to me, your past literally has nothing to do with like where you're going now. So yeah, that's the way I kind of get over the need to like drown myself in my bathtub after a shitty date. I love that. Yeah.

That first date host breakup. It's never going to be good, guys. I mean, like, you do, it's kind of like ripping a band-aid off. Have friends with your girlfriend after. Yeah. Or, like, you know, like, have something else to, like, recover if you need to. Or it could be great. It could be great.

I have a funny story. I have a first date after my horrible breakup story. I love these stories. So I was engaged to somebody. People were like, yeah, we get it. So I was engaged to somebody. He was, we broke up and then I started sleeping with and dating this guy

maybe like, I don't know, eight weeks later. And we went on a date to this restaurant called the Modern, which is in the Museum of Modern Art. And this girl comes out to me who knew my ex. And I'm sitting at the bar on a Saturday night having dinner with another man and I'm not wearing a wedding ring. So like, it's pretty clear that I'm no longer engaged. And she comes up to me in front of this new guy and it's like,

oh my God. Oh, my God. It's so good. She knew my ex. She's like, she knew this wasn't him. And she was like, it's so good to see. you like, so tell me about the wedding. Like, when are you guys getting married? No. Never tell you this? No.

Dumb man. I am like speechless. Like I do not know what to say. I'm clearly on a date with another man. But not really. Like in her head, this is just a friend. In her head,

you're engaged. Why would she think otherwise? It's not like, it's not that you were dating. You were engaged. I don't blame her at all. Absolutely. Most people's mind doesn't go,

maybe the engagement ended. You're just like brain is engaged. This must be her coworker. Oh, my God. And she asked me. knew where he was. She's like, so what's he up to this weekend? I, I wanted the floor to open up. I wanted to die. Oh my fucking God. This is horrific. She really doubled down on it. I wish I had some, this is like the best story I've ever heard in that it's so horrifying. I feel like I want to

puke for you right now. This guy I was with was like also so horrified. He's like, what am I going on? Did he know that you had been engaged or no? He did. He was actually the last person I went on a date with before I started dating my fiance. Okay. So it would have been worse if like you had not told him and you had to like, after she left, you had to turn around and be like, by the way. Absolutely. But this could have been worse. I'm sure he didn't want to be confronted with this or talk about my ex either.

It was so fun. And you're so right. Like, why would she think that I was. Yeah. Still, I don't know. Like, oh. It was hysterical. She, like, really, she asked like three or four questions.

She, like, went pretty far deep into it before I had to be like, I'm not engaged anymore. This is the guy I'm fucking now. And then I'm going to fuck this, dude. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Holy shit. So this is a.

other way to not kill yourself, know that there will never be a situation as terrible as that. Right. Like that is how bad it can get. And it probably won't even get that bad for you. So there you go. A lot of stories were like, guys, it can't get worse in Raina's life. So, you know, the first guy I went on a date with after I'm really, really shortly after I moved here and I just was not over my ex. We were still talking all the time. Whatever. I mean, I just wasn't ready. Sure. But I really met a great guy. And I tried so hard. And then I brought him to a friend of ours, like, rooftop party, like Rob, they had a party. And they were like, this guy's amazing. Like, a great job. Like, it's really hard to date here. You found this great guy. You just moved here. This is amazing. And I was like, I don't know. I hate that shirt he's

wearing. And they have never let me live it down. I was just picking him apart because I did, he wasn't my ex. And I wasn't ready. And I wasn't ready. And I wasn't ready. And I, and I picked him apart. And they stole this day are like, Ashley, that guys weren't a short sleeve dress shirt. You pissed about it. Like, I literally was like, I just hate a short sleeve dress shirt. And they're We too. We too. But actually, like, it was good. It was from that Rothman store.

It was nice. And I still think about this guy, because now I've had the worst luck date and I'm like, God, I miss that guy. I'm like the one that got away. Yeah. But they will, they literally are like, that guy was awesome. He was good looking. He was tall enough.

He had a great body. He was so nice. Everybody loved him. And you were like, I hate that shirt. And that's something that people never want to admit is that like timing is a big factor. I know. What a bummer. And it fucking sucks because you have no control over it.

Like I'm someone who loves to like control shit in my life. I'm such a control. with everything in my life. And like this is one aspect of my life. I just can't. I don't have any control over. Yeah. Okay.

So I want to wrap up this part. We want to like, I'm the only person here. We want to wrap up this part. But I just want to say like I think that if anybody asked me what Ashley and I try to leave as the takeaway from this show all the time is like just build a life you're proud of and that you're excited about. And then a relationship should be something amazing that you can add to that.

It's the sprinkles. So I love that that's really like what you're all about. And I think it's such a great message. Any closing remarks before we move into our next segment. No, I mean, like, it took me. And like, I, yeah, I think that a lot of people think that they should know all this shit, especially like your younger listeners are probably like, oh, yeah. And like, you might understand this logically.

It might take you a few years to actually put it into practice. Right. To actually live it. That's cool. We all have to go through that shit. Right. Just know that we've all been through it. And that's why I write the way that I do.

Okay. Speaking of your writing. Yes. We have never done this. We try to do like a cool, funny, fun segment with everybody at the end of each episode. So you inspired us because you're actually writing, if you've written a book, it comes out tomorrow. Yeah, July 2nd.

At Barnes & Noble's and Amazon.com. You could get it for pre-order right now. I'm kidding. I know. There's one in Union Square. So we sort of designed a segment around the book. What is the book called? What's it about?

So it's called 500 Simple Acts of Love. And it's literally just that. It's ways to kind of make your relationship better. I've written everything from like, clean your hair out of the drain to like pick up cute little trinkets for your partner. I wrote it in a way that it could be applied to romantic relationships, but also friendships too.

I tried to make it as inclusive and it's written completely gender neutral, which is super important to me. But yeah, it's just like a cute little book. I would love for people to like gift this as like a bridal shower gift or just like those types of things. Like it's a cute, fun little book. I am working on another book of essays right now, which will be a little bit more robust and will be more aligned with the type of writing that I do for Playboy and in style and all these other

places. But this is just like a fun, cute little book that would look fabulous on your bookshelf. So please pick it up. Well, we basically are about to write your sequel because we asked our listeners, we crowdswrest on Instagram, for people to give us their acts of kindness, acts of, you know, acts of love, kindness. And it is, I'm looking right now, it's overwhelming. That's so great. Which is crazy because all we do is like shit on men. We're like, tell us the terrible stories.

But these are, I was crying earlier. So we're going to just read some. Let's do it. You can react, obviously. I'm going to tell you my simple act of kindness said for Ashley today. Let's hear. I remember to bring her her umbrella. My God.

That's actually one of the tips in there. Like if you know it's going to rain, make sure that they have their umbrella. Oh my God. And I've never. I manifested the book. There you go. Okay. This one, for some reason, it felt so sweet to me.

She wrote, turns on the shower to warm it up while I stay in bed for a few extra minutes. I love that. That is so nice. I, okay, I love this one. I think this is such like an easy, fun, sweet thing. We leave notes in random places like near the sink in the glove box, etc. just to just to surprise each other. I love that. I love that. It's really sweet. Imagine opening your glove box. There's just something that says, I love you in it. God damn. I love it when people, a tip that I also give in the book is that people should, like, if your partner's going out of town, leave them a little note in their suitcase for them to open up when they get to their location.

I love that too. So cute, right? And then you like find condoms. You're like, wait a minute. What are you doing? This one, this is like, this just reminds me of my parents. And I just love this. Also, growing up in the north, in the winter, he wakes up and scrapes the snow off my car. Going out and warming up a car, scraping the snow off is like, I, if you have to wake up in the winter and go to work or whatever, like, you could just sit there. and the cold. It's so nice from the car. I mean, the thing I love about these is that it's just tiny little things that like make the other person's life slightly easier. You know what I mean? Absolutely. You don't have to like pay off my student loans. If you wanted to, you could.

Or do it. Yeah. But like, you know, you could scrape the snow off my car. I like this one because it's one of these, like, very small acts of kindness. When he's, when he's at work and I go out to eat, I always bring my boy from home a little, a little type of leftover since he works at night. So like, just like a little dessert or something because he had to work and you were out socializing. And It's like, don't always do it, but it's so sweet. So sweet. Another one that I love that I put in the book. Yeah, jump in whenever.

I want to hear yours too. Was that I love it. An ex-boyfriend did this for me once. I was out with my girlfriends and he called the bar and ordered us a round of drinks. Oh, for sure. Which I thought was super cute. It's cute if you guys are on good terms. It's not cute if he just cheated on you and he's trying to impress your friends.

Exactly. I think that happened a lot. Sure. I see. I'm in the dog house and he tries to pay off your friends. Yeah. I'm not going to read that one specific one, but this was all over. And this is like my love language is to get up and take the dog out.

Oh my God. Especially if it's raining, especially if it's bad weather. But there is nothing that it gets me going more than like I wake up and you've taken the dog out. Oh my God. Because it shows that you like recognize that I'm doing these little things in our relationship. Like I talk a lot in my writing about like recognizing that like the other party is doing these little things. You know, just acknowledging it by picking up the mantle once or twice. It's like really lovely.

I don't know. I just love that type of shit. Oh, it's you. I just do a little thing. Okay, I'm Jewish, so I love this one. I get little random Venmoes that usually say treat yourself. If somebody just sent me like a $5, like $50 or $500, I give myself a cup of coffee. Yeah, a little treat yourself.

That is so cute. I love that. Don't take my dog out. Give me money. Yeah, right? So many of these about snacks. I mean, guys, if you. There's memes about this that have gone viral.

I'm sure you probably wrote one. Like me, where it's like, if she says she doesn't want a snack, yes, she gets, get her a snack. If you ever go into a gas station, like if you guys are in a road trip and you are like,

I got to run in. Do you want anything? She says no, still get it. Do you want to hear something funny? Get her the snacks. When I handed in the first draft of the book, one of the notes that came back from my editor was like,

more snacks. Tips are food related. Yeah, I knew it. I was like, yeah, you know, I love snacks.

Fuck that. Every time we crowdsource for stuff like this, 90% is food. Most of my sex metaphors are food related. As they should be. Yeah. Okay, I like this one because it's like not silly. It's actually like, I feel like this guy like really lets her be her and I think it's sweet.

He lets me play games on my phone while we cuddle because it helps with my anxiety. Aw. I just think that that's her like really being her and being like, I need this. Sure. I don't want to be around you. Yeah. I don't know why it choked me up a little bit. I really hate it.

I know that a partner is not compatible with me when they yell at me about how much I'm on my phone. I don't think that I'm on my phone anymore than like other people. But given the like nature of my work, I'm constantly like checking emails or like checking my Instagram or doing whatever. You guys probably know. That's too. We're working. Yeah, you're working.

And like I feel like there's this idea that if I'm on my phone, I'm not present with you. And I think that that's really cute. It shows that they know. This is another one said he plugs in my phone tonight because I always forget. Oh my God. What a dream. Marry him.

I got a next. I will marry this. guy. I, this guy is an all star. Always leaves water, Advil, and weed next to my bed when I go out for when I get home. Oh my gosh. Of course. Oh my God. What a star. What a champ. Seriously. I do that for myself every night when I get home. I like smoke a bowl. I leave it next to my bed. I put some water. When I wake up and I'm like drunk Raina took care of Raina. Yeah. So well. Like my vape pen. My like you know all this shit. Yes. I know. Absolutely. I love that. So many are about coffee. And I've said this before. like bringing me coffee in the morning or if we live together and you wake up and get the coffee

going like just bringing me coffee in bed a lot of these said this like he wakes him and does the coffee or he brings me coffee in bed it's like oh my god what a dream nothing is more of a love language for sure this one sorry I don't this one I just came puts my towel in the dryer so it's warm when I get out of the shower a what tell what I just came up oh they have a dryer they're how rich yeah you can tell that we're like three New Yorkers we're like the first thing that came to my mind was like, wait, you have in unit washer and dryer? What the fuck? They don't live in New York.

There's no way they live in New York. I want to date this girl because she says she brings her man Taco Bell because it's his love language. Taco Bell's my love language. Same. I love Taco Bell. Crunch rep Supreme. I recently discovered Taco Bell.

What? Cheezzy Gordy to crunch. Holy shit. We need to talk about it. How did you just recently did you not have in Pittsburgh? I just, we didn't really have a lot of fast food growing up. My mom like cooked for us every single meal. And my dad, my dad was.

like a single parent. He took us strictly to Wendy's. Only Wendy's. Who's a Wendy's guy? I feel like Wendy's a food food chain. I'm not, I'm not a Wendy's chick. No, I'm like a McDonald's Taco Bell girl. It's gross. Maybe we just didn't have them near my. Taco Bell's in a different level. Tocopal is a different level to me. Chiquel is at the top, but like I love Taco Bell. I had Taco Bell for like one of the, maybe the, I don't know, maybe in college once or twice, but yeah, Fourth of July, three years ago with my ex, Taco Bell. And I was like, I'm a believer that Kacerito is really under ordered and I am obsessed. You can do that shit at Chipotle. You can ask for a cassarito at Chipotle. Did you know that?

No. Oh my God. That's my love. That's my love. They're both looking at me. Like I just discovered fire. Seriously. Yeah.

Like they get pissed at it because they burn their hands on like the melted cheese. But like you can do that shit. This one. 10 out of 10 recommend. I like ones that are alcohol related to. Yeah. puts a glass of iced wine in the refrigerator when he knows them on my way over. I had another couple like a friend of mine, she, her, she's married.

They've been married for a while. They're great. And she when she would be on her. way home. He would always have a vodka soda sitting out for her. Oh my God. I love that. Like, how does that's not why. No, my friend's Matt and J.M. They like Matt always fixes J.M. A drink when he gets home. I think that it's the cutest thing in the entire world. It's so like mad mad and like chic, right? I think that is true. Like I was dating this guy. I wasn't super into him and I ended up ending it. But like I remember I was visiting him. He lived in Miami and I was getting ready.

We were having like going on a date and he was like, do you bring you a glass of wine while you get ready? And I was like, oh my God, yes. Like I love you. hysterically crying like yes thank you the bar is so low but like it's so it's underground should be food and alcohol that's the bar this girl said when i've had a tough day he orders me pizza with my favorite toppings without asking that's the bar that's the bar bring me snacks there's this guy who was on our show long time ago he brought us goldfish crackers and i was in love with him for a year oh my god that's so accurate like we have had guests bring us some crazy gifts somebody brought us like a really expensive bottle of tequila i didn't bring anything i feel like a asshole send us your book

when you guys. Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, one packet of goldfish crackers. I literally could not get over this dude for here. He's my husband. Yeah. I'm obsessed. This guy sounds like a pussy, but whatever. My boyfriend, I'm kidding. Oh my God. I feel so bad for saying that. I mean, lucky for, I'm just jealous because she has a boyfriend. My boyfriend always wears a hair tie on his wrist in case I need it. That's really sweet. Okay, that's super cute.

It is sweet. I hope it's not like a scrunchy, you know, like that's, that's all. Also, here's another heat related one. We should, this is not. This is not. He turns a thermos out up. No. We live in Minneapolis, and in the winter, he'll sneak my PJs on the radiator before bed. What? Warms up your pajamas? You warm up the pajamas?

What? Wait, dad, at this one. Also, this guy, every month I find chocolate in my tampon drawer. What? And then she goes, and then I always text him, not the father. Not the father. Yeah. Wait a second.

No, wait, no, I'm going to start putting chocolate in my tampon. draw. Yeah. That's such a smart idea. Also, like, Tammon companies, like the one when you order, like, Lola and stuff, they should be sending chocolate. They should be sending you chocolate. By the way, guys. What the fuck. Lola's a hot tip for you. Seriously. Free marketing here. Do you another one from the book you want to throw out? Um, well, I really like the one that was like, clean your hair out of the sink or like your whiskers out of the drain. I did another one. God, you're so right. Yeah, right. Like, it's just like, keep your shit like together. What is she laughing about? I don't. I don't interrupt you. No. It just says. I kill. I kill.

bugs for him because he's scared. I know. Why is that so funny? No, seriously. My father hates bugs and my mom is always the one to kill the best of my dad. That is so funny. Like, oh really?

A bug. Yeah, I think it's adorable. I think, well, that's a thing too. Like, this one says, I wash his sheets because you,

because you know he won't and that's scary. The last person I lived with briefly, like, I just did his laundry because I didn't mind doing laundry. I mean, I lived in Atlanta, so I had a wash and dryer. I'm not like that rich here in New York.

But I think there's things that like, yeah, she doesn't mind killing the bugs. He doesn't want to kill the box. You hate laundry. I like it's just kind of one of those things of like, this is easy for me. I don't mind doing it. It makes your life so much easier. One thing that I wrote in the book that I really loved was from a guy who I was dating when I was a beauty writer.

I used to go on press trips a bunch when I was a beauty writer. And there was one time where I had to wake up really early for a flight. And he was staying over that night. And I was like, just like, just lock yourself out. My door locks behind it. It's not a big deal. He woke up with me and like was like there. and chatty with me and I was like that just in and of itself so that like I didn't have to wake up

and like stay in the dark and like do all this shit and like I got a kiss before I left like that was so nice. It means so much. It means so much. Like you didn't just like roll over and fart and go back to sleep. Like you woke up with me and you like really is nice. Did this lovely thing. All right. We got one from foot job girl. God damn it. This is our favorite couple. This is very early in the podcast. This is a deep cut. This girl. She gives him foot job. This is when we did our segment called Is this weird. And she was like he wants a foot job. is this weird. We decided he probably saw that in a porn,

whatever reason. She gave him one. He never asked for another one since. They checked the box. They've been together ever since. I love that. I love it. Her name is Katie.

Did she come to show? She came to show. She's our favorite. She's our favorite post job couple. He's emailed us. Remember he emailed us? And he was like, thank you for everything. Okay.

So she says, she said, I always bring home bread rolls from my restaurant job for a foot job guy. And then she wrote another one because I'm the bread winner. because he wants to fuck now he finds the rolls. I love that she calls him foot job guy. Foot job guy. Favorite couple. If they break up,

I'll be so upset. Also, if they get married and we're not officiating the wedding. I'm going to be upset. Ashley and they're going to get ordained and start marrying people. You should. Oh my God. A lot of stuff about notes.

A lot of stuff about coffee. A lot of stuff about dogs. Who I got one. He lets me come first. Very important. Is that in the book? That's, I don't think that's in the book.

I do write a lot about like asking about what you like during sex because I about sex because I actually wrote a story for women's health or men's health ones that the title was for the love of God please stop asking me if I came after sex and it was about how like I hate it when dudes roll over and they're like oh did you come? You would know if I came. But also like I'm not a ghost. You should be asking me how. I'm not a ghost.

I'm not a ghost. I know what? But like you should be asking me before we have sex. How do I make you come instead of being like. like, oh, did I make you come? Like, no, right. If you finished and I made no noises, don't ask. I don't come.

Like we talked about earlier, when you know, you know. When you know, you know, you know. How will I know if she came? You'll know. You'll know. Because she'll let you know. Right. Because it doesn't happen at all that.

You know what? She didn't. I can just tell you she did it. We could do this forever. We'll have to hold on to these and play this segment again. Every time we play, we'll plug your book. It's great. No, I love it.

And I have to say that, like, writing the book was so great because we live in, like, a tough time right now and just showing that there are, like, little ways to do this shit. It's, like, really uplifting and heartwarming. I just think everybody should do this stuff, like, the bare minimum, like, the notes and, like, the coffee and the snacks and stuff like that. It's the little things. It just means the world. It's always the little things that mean the most. There was a meme recently. I saw that said, the girl said she realized that her dad has been filling up her mom's, that's what her dad does is fill her mom's gas tank.

and she goes, then I just realized this bitch hasn't paid for gas in 30 years. But that can make me cry. Like, he fills up her gas. Absolutely. Absolutely. But the best relationship I was ever in it, the longest and best. Like, we would always sort of talk about like, why is this good? And I always felt like it's good because we're just nice to each other.

Yeah. Just treat each other really nicely. What a fucking revolutionary thought, right? Jesus. But that cute stuff, it's just like the nicest thing. Like, and that's, you know, when you're in that good relationship. And again, like, flowers are flowers. It's like from the breakup.

yeah, every girl loves flowers, Gary. Yeah, dude. Just buy your fucking flowers. Just every once in a while. They could be carnations from the bodegas. You love it. Yes. Yes.

Always get a fucking flower. Oh, wait. Like, you walked by the flower. If you're in New York, you walked by those flowers. Yeah. You want, there's a lot of flowers

everywhere. Every corner. How dare you walk by a flower stand? Not by them. And like, listen, here's a deal. Not once a month. Right? That feels good to me.

I don't think you need to do this stuff every. I would not. Once a quarter. I would advise against doing something for somebody too much. Every day, where they take it for granted? Yeah, because you want it to be special.

Absolutely. I don't want, I don't want to know it every day. Yeah, no. That would be, I would just be like, I are you so obsessed with me? All right, we could. And on that note. Yeah, okay. So plug all your stuff, even though we've kind of done most of it.

Yeah. Books out tomorrow. Books out tomorrow. Amazon and that weird story, you imagine. Amazon, that weird Barnes & Noble store. It'll probably be elsewhere. You could follow me on Instagram at Maria Del Russo when we were to figure out where it's going to be. Yeah.

Yeah. It's good stuff. Thank you. I'm so glad that we met you. This is really such a treat and I have to say like, I mean, I had this birthday party this week and I was like, I can't, or last week I guess now.

I can't believe all the people like we've gotten to meet through this show. I feel really lucky that we got to meet you. I'm so excited. Thank you guys so much for having me here. I literally like I see Emily Radikowski like around these village like a lot and like I was probably more excited that we met you. For sure. We saw yesterday.

Damn. Damn. I know. I know. Yeah. But those tannies, man. That a. That waste.

I can't. Jesus. Guys, follow us, that Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Our Twitter is Girls underscore Gotta Eat. And then Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com, Stupid Live Shows for all the stupid live shows. And I think that's it. That's it. Can't wait to see you all over the country at these shows this summer.

Yes, guys. Thanks for see next week. Bye.