Girls Gotta Eat - Breaking the Pattern feat. Tank Sinatra

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

We have Internet sensation, soon-to-be-author, our new friend, and record holder of the biggest traps we've ever seen Tank Sinatra join us for an enlightening conversation on relationships. We discuss codependency and breaking the pattern of it, when to sleep with someone for the first time, what real intimacy is, vetting someone on a first date, and more. We have him Mansplain some of your burning questions about male behavior, and we also deep dive into CUFFING SEASON and our goals for it. Enjoy! Follow Tank on Instagram @Tank.Sinatra and @TanksGoodNews. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @OneHungryJew. Check our website for merch and tour dates. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Postmates: Download the app and use code GGE to get $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days. BetaBrand: Go to betabrand.com/gge for 20% off your dress pant yoga pants. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy bedding, visit Buffy.co and use code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love is really looking at a person saying there's all this stuff wrong with you. I'm going to... There's just so much. That's not the end of my sense. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. It's cuffing season. Yes, everybody's cupped up.

It's 90 degrees. I laid out today. It's October 2nd. I can't talk about it. We will talk about it, actually. It's like all we like say hi and then we talk about weather. It's like every week. We're so boring.

All right, it's coming season. It's coming season. We have Tank Sinatra coming on later, our new best friend. He was great. He's wonderful.

We just, we recorded with him yesterday and then we're recording this intro right before I had out of town for this wedding. So I'll talk about that when I get back. But as we sit here today, I sweated all day

and I'm so pissed about it. I can't believe October 2nd I laid out on my roof. It was 90 degrees. I saw people at the beach. Someone invited me to the beach today. I was like, Absolutely not. I'm done. I'm like going to pretend it's not 90 degrees out.

You're just fucking sick of this shit, okay? I'm already committed to my winter bod and I had to go back to summer clothing. I can't. I know I put self-tanner on my legs. I almost wore shorts today. I'm like, I can't be out here with these translucent legs. I know. I can't sell you late. I don't have. I'm not tan enough for these shorts anymore. But I am headed to Spokane, Washington State. It is like 40 degrees. I can't wait. She posted an Instagram story. My friends. fiance of snow. I was like, stop it. I was like, I'm going to like pack my sweaters tonight and just come. I can't wait. Oh, you mean like, oh, I thought you meant CUM. I did. Mastervate while you pack. I mean, that's what I meant. I'm just saying it's so I'm going to climax when I pack sweaters. Like, I'm so excited to wear sweaters. I just am so fucking sick of this. I'm ready to switch out my wardrobe. I haven't been able to switch out my wardrobe yet. Do you do that? I do like minimal of that. I do have to put some stuff. Like, there's stuff that.

it's under the bed in like a container that's not coming out. Like teeny tiny shorts and skirts. Like those are over. Okay. Well, I have to leave out some little skimpy, cute things because, okay, because Cuffing season is coming and you're going to be traveling a lot and I'm not, which is new for me. I've decided that I'm going to start dating a lot.

I know I started saying this too a lot. You do say it. Like I'm going to do it now. I'm saying it on the podcast, which means I have to do it. So you're going to be held accountable. Yeah, so it's going to be held accountable. Wait, hold on a second. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but.

Raina recently goes, I got to get back out there. And I was like, bitch, when have you ever been out there? You're not getting back out there. You're just getting out there. I just naturally meet people in the wild a lot. So I've never had to be like out there on the apps. Like I meet people at our shows. Yeah, no.

We said it January 2019. Only dating, only fucking in other cities on the road. And we stick to that. it. Yes, I stuck to that. I fucked internationally. I fucked in Canada. You did. Well, well, was Australian dick in Canada. You fucked an Australian guy in Canada. I know. You're so international.

I know. The guy that I fuck here is Australian. Okay. But anyways, I'm... You have a type. I got February. We're getting fucked up. Fuck the whole country. Not fuck you guys. I mean, fuck all the men in your country. We're not going to fuck you. Continent. It's a continent. Anyways, I'm getting out there. I decided.

I'm just ready. I'm ready to be... treated however by as many men as possible. I'm just ready. Treated well? What do you mean? Treated whatever. I started to say treated like shit. I don't want to be like, I don't want to be anticipating it.

I just know what men are like. Yeah, but you're not going to care. I'm not going to care. But I want attention from as many men as human as possible. I hear you. So I'm trying to decide now which app I'm going to use. Like hinge or Raya. Oh, raya.

Girl. I mean, I did a whole expose thing on Raya. I mean, it's just, it's annoying. Is it? I actually need to cancel that. I'm still paying for it. Yeah. It's just you go to watch these.

slideshows, half the guys are models. Like, I don't want that. So I can decide if I want to be treated like shit by models that are famous on Raya or if I want to be treated like ship by just normal guys on Hinge. That's my problem. It's a real dilemma. We'll do a would you rather on our Instagram story. Yeah.

All right. Well, Raina's getting out there, not back out there. Today. Today we're Hing's life. Today? Today, we're Hing's going out of town. Yeah. Mom's out of town.

Mom's out of town. I just feel like I'm ready for like a lot of attention from a lot of guys. And, like, I think, like, okay, all summer I was hot and sweaty. Now it's just, it's time to, like, it's the weather to get out there. I'm not saying I want a boyfriend. I'm just, like, ready for some fun male attention. Oh, please. I cleared my whole bench.

Oh, you cleared the bench. I cleared the bench. I have no bench. So, like, I'm ready to really fill the bench. And I'm some stories for work. That's a great segue into cuffing season. Yeah, so it's cuffing season. I know people use Coving Season to find a boyfriend.

I'm not saying I want that. I'm just saying that's not the goal. I don't think it's good. I think I want to set an indefinitely. intention, which is just that I want to meet some hot, good-looking guys that are fun to hang out with. If something happens, great. If not, fine too. Well, lucky for you, the thing about this audience is that they're crazy.

So they're going to hold you accountable. I know they will. And if they don't see you out there, they're going to be pissed. I'm scared of them. You guys are wild. Don't DM us. Don't DM us. Unless one of your co-workers or brothers are extremely hot fun.

And that's it, hot and fun. that's all I care about smart. Well, you want a man or men. You want male attention. I want LASIC. So I just want to put it out there. Rain is ready for a man. I'm ready for LASIC.

I never really cared so much. I was like, yeah, whatever. I wear glasses. I have contacts. I switch them out. Lately, I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of this. I don't have to live like this.

I can get LASIC. Whatever, you know, I don't have astigmatism or whatever. I have regular bad eyesight. But anyway, if you guys have LASIC recommendations, someone wants to, you know, hook me up. I'll promote them. I think it's Wolfson I Institute in Atlanta. I've heard they're incredible.

If anybody's listening from Wolfson I Institute in Atlanta, message me. I like that I'm being held accountable for finding a man. You're just being held accountable for getting your eyes fixed. I just, it's a pain in the ass. It finally has gotten to the point where I'm like, I fucking hate this. The contacts are dry. You put in their glasses.

My glasses are scratched. I'm just fucked. Like I hate all that. What place it cost? Do you have no concept of it? Please do not quote me on this. I think it's like maybe you can get a time for like 3,000. $1,500 an eye. I could be wrong.

It's an affordable, I mean, whatever. Change your whole life. I think it's affordable. Exactly. And I think the only thing that affects it, I guys, please do not quote me on this. I could not know what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure someone once told me that the only thing that can really affect it, it can be affected when you get pregnant. And that's not happening. Oh, that's so interesting. I don't know. Because your body changes. I mean, shit goes down when you get pregnant. But yeah, I mean, so Wolfson and I Institute, I think that's what they're called.

You guys, it's something about a wolf. You guys hear me. Oh, here you go, guys. I'll go to Atlanta. You guys can hold us accountable. I'm going to find a bunch of men. Ashley's going to get her eyes fixed. That's what's going to happen through the fall. Well, I want to talk about cuffing season. You guys, we asked you guys what topics you wanted to hear. And we're going to take that into account with the full episode for next week with just us. But we figured we talk about it. We might talk about it with Tank when he comes in here. He's a meme guy. So I personally feel like cuffing season has always been a thing. But meme life and Instagram and the internet turned it into like, I mean, they gave it the title.

The name. Yeah. So I'm curious what you think. I just think you never had a name. Like I think about when I dated in the wintertime, like, I would like show up to date. It would be like negative five degrees. My nose would be running. And your face is, you're really pale.

And then like your blood pressure is all crazy. Makes your fingers swell up because your like skin is coming back to like a normal temperature. Anyways, I'm not trying to be out here dating for the first time in the winter. Yeah, it's the best season to date. It's the best season to date. It's the best weather. You can take a walk. limited to like indoor outdoor activities.

You can do anything you want. Yeah. Yeah, it's for me. I was thinking about my past with the guys that I've dated semi seriously, like three to six months and then guys that I had like long-term relationships with. And it's kind of funny because almost every guy that I dated semi-seriously, three to six months, I met in the fall. And every single guy, I mean, I've only had really like three significant long-term

relationships that were really serious. We met in the spring. And it's like, or we started dating in the spring. And I just feel like before cuffing season there was spring fever. Like back in our parents' days and stuff, it would be like the old movies. Like spring fever, like the weather starts to get warmer. Everybody gets really frisky and horny. And like that was like spring.

So my luck with long term and relationships that worked were always like March-ish, March to May. When they started. Yeah. Like I think I think that's a thing. So I'm like, I'm wondering, are you a cuffing season person? You spring spring fever person? I don't know, but I will tell you my last three very serious relationships all ended. between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

So I don't have a pattern for when they started, but I have a pattern for when they've ended. To me, I think it's cool. I prefer, I guess, to get in a relationship in early spring, in that March time. And then you kind of have spring is great. And then you have the summer. Like, it's, coughing season always gets a little weird

because if you really start dating October 1 or whatever, the holidays pop up. And then you're in a whole different thing of like, are we, what are we? Are we doing holidays? We just did that whole episode last year about it. And I think it's like you see a lot of breakups happen right before Thanksgiving, Christmas that time. Right.

People are like, I either got to really commit to you, take you home, meet the family. You're going to meet my friends from home or like I got to get out of this. Right. And we have a lot of younger listeners that are probably in college. And so what, they start dating someone and then you guys both go home and you fuck the person at home over holidays. You know, you like fuck that hometown guy or girl. So I just think I always, I think it's a funny time and I get it. It's like you're, you want to snuggle up with somebody.

you want to Netflix and chill with somebody and cuffing season, time to get cuffed up, summer's over, you're done being a douchebag in the Hamptons, whatever it is. But I'm like, then the holidays pop up and then it's a whole other bag of shit. What are we? I don't know.

I'm a spring fever gal. Because any guy ever dated, well, I think one guy actually dated. We met at a Halloween party. And then we dated, we were still together at New Year's. And then after that, we started to fizzle out. But we were not serious enough to even discuss the holidays. we just kept a cash.

So that's why I like if you start dating in October, because honestly, if somebody's not taking you home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, that shouldn't even be on your mind. You've been with somebody for two months. Like, you should not be meeting their family. I mean, whatever, do you, do whatever makes you feel good, makes you feel happy. But, I mean, personally, I don't feel insulted. If our first date is October 3rd and Thanksgiving, you're not bringing me home.

Oh, absolutely not. Also, I'm not going home with you. Also, I spend Thanksgiving with my family and I spend Christmas with your family. Yeah, no. Forget it. We're lucky if we get New Year's together. I don't figure out we're doing for New Year's. Anyways, I would like to hold myself accountable for cuffing season.

Are you going to not date during cupping season? What do you think? What's your vibe? I, you know I have a crush. Which one? You've like so many guys. No, I have a crush. Nothing's happened yet.

I can't talk about it. You're going to all red. I'm getting red. He's very hot. Yeah. I had like a dream about him last night. And today I was like, do I tell him I to dream about him? Like, we're friends. You know what I mean?

Like, we're cool. But I really want to fuck him. I really want you to fuck him and tell me about it. All right. Well, anyway, stay tuned, guys. Ashley might get one boyfriend. I might get a bunch of boyfriends. Just stay tuned.

We're ready. I'm ready for October. Ready to Netflix and chill. I can't wait. We'll give you guys some Netflix recommendations. No, I, we, Nikki Glazer, we've out on the show. We love her or her specials out of Netflix. It's called Bangin.

It is very sex-heavy. Oh, did you see when I posted my Instagram story? So I watched it last. night. My favorite bit of the whole special is this bit about Blue Balls that she does. It's one of my favorite jokes of hers. And the gist is that they're not killing guys. They're not that real. They're not real. And this girl DM me and she was like, my roommate literally thought blue balls were like very harmful to men and could kill them until she watched Nikki's special. And like our men really out here being like, if you don't make me come, I'm going to die.

Yes, because I feel like 19 year old boys, they're in like the best position, 19, 20, 21, because girls haven't like learned yet how to be smarter than them. I feel like once girls like 22, 23, they can't pull that shit anymore. We've always been smarter, but they still trick you. They trick you. So I think the girls, yeah, I'm sorry, I take that back. Girls are always from day one. Day one. But I think the girls don't have enough sexual experience to know that that's just bullshit. Right. And you get to a certain age and you're like, oh, that's not a thing. And then men are a disadvantage. Yeah. So,

Nikki Special, also very educational. It's great. What are you watching? Do you have any documentary? You're a documentary person. I've been blown through documentaries. There's one called The Great Hack on Netflix about It's just nerdy stuff. It's about Facebook. And basically people like mining your data to try to like force you to vote a certain way. Well, election season's coming up. Yeah, it's really, really interesting. And then the family, which also like another political documentary about this Christian organization in Washington.

I watch a lot of nerdy stuff, guys. I like documentaries. Documentaries and comedy specials are my favorite things. You guys, one night my parents were in town and I don't know how Scientology came up. And I said, I don't really know that much about it. Clearly, I know the celebrities. We all know Tom Cruise and Leah Romini. Like, we know these things, but I really don't know a lot about the religion. And we were in an Uber with my mom, my dad, and me and Raina and Raina just unloaded the entire past, present and future of Scientology. My mom was blown away. You were saying so that sound like it was made up. It was like all these crazy words. So I tell she's crazy. Yeah, but you know a lot.

You deep dive on this shit. I do. I mean, I'll pick a topic like Theranos, for example. And I will read every single thing about it. It's the Elizabeth Holmes company. I read the bad blood book. I listened to the podcast. I watched the HBO documentary.

Like, I really deep dive into this stuff. If I'm going to get interested in something, I like learning all this stuff, I love financial crimes and political crimes. So like, get out there, guys. I'm going to watch a lot of the office too. I'm not like, I'm not, guys, I'm not genius or anything. I mean, I watch some. But my mom still, she still brings it up.

like Raina, man, that Scientology discussion. I know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. Okay. I watched Bohemia Rhapsody recently. I knew I was going to love it. I was, I was very late to watch it, but I just, I was waiting for like a special night. I knew I was going to love it so much. I was waiting until I moved in. I had my new nice TV, whatever. And so I put it on this past weekend, like settled in with a glass of wine, best thing ever.

I couldn't get over. I told Raina, you were already asleep, but I texted it was like, we are opening every show with We Will Rock You and we are ending it with We Are the Champions. We are a Queen podcast now. That's like all there is to it. I mean, I always knew how much, how inspirational they were. But I look up to them and Freddie Mercury so much in terms of what they did for music. I feel like we could only hope to like do that for podcasting.

I just love it. They're so savage. They were like, we're going to put a six minute single on the radio. And they're like, no, you're not. They're like, well, then you don't manage us anymore. Like, and then they threw a baseball through the window. Like, they just, they were so savage and they were like, we're going to make music that no one has ever heard anything that sounds like it literally ever.

And you're going to like it. So we're the queen of podcasting? We're not, I don't, I don't want to say that yet. But like, that is what I aspire to be. I, I see what you're saying. Only not die early. Yeah, but die young, I guess. I don't care if I die young, actually.

I don't care at all. I'm not at 45. No, 75. I'm good. 75. I'm all set. I don't know. I have just pictures being like so old together.

You know, the actor that plays Freddie Mercury and his girlfriend. They're actually like a couple. Oh, really? The girl that played Mary and him. What's his name? Ramey Malik. Yeah. I say the same?

Oh my God. they're really together? Yeah, they met on the set and they're still together. I wonder if Freddie Mercury came back from the dead or if he's watching from the grave. He's like, my teeth were not that fucking bad.

They kind of were though. I love biopics. So I'll watch the biopic and I love to like Google like what is actual facts, like how far from reality was this actual biopic? And people said this was pretty far from reality. I don't like to hear that.

There's like a lot, a lot of like factual inaccuracies about that movie. Oh, man. Yeah. I just think that sometimes, like, or Wolf of Wall Street was like one of my favorite books and like the movie, they just like left half the shit out that happened. But I think a lot of the times, like, people don't need to know all this behind the scene stuff because it just wouldn't change anything.

Right. Yeah. It means you can, it's a two hours to tell a life story. Yeah. Well, this has been our movie review. I hope you guys enjoy it. Everyone's like, really, Ashley, watch Bohemian Rhapsi. Yeah, they won a fucking Oscar.

We've seen it, bitch. Yeah, hot take. This came on a year ago. Hot take. I still can't believe we got a star as born in Bohemian Rhapsody in the same Oscar season. Like, how lucky you. or we have a period in time that I'll never forget. Star is born.

Thank God for Star is born. What would you do on stage at our live shows? It wasn't for that. Surprise, guys. I sing the entire thing. I'm kidding. A lot throughout the whole show. I haven't done it.

I haven't done the thing. I just love belting it out. I know you do. Just like one line. I don't sing the song, guys. Buy tickets still. People are like, oh, wow, I'm returning my ticket. No, just come.

It's the best. We actually have tickets left for four of our live shows. You guys can still come to, or might be three, right? New Orleans, Charleston coming up, and New York. and I think that's it. We're sold out otherwise. Yep.

And then maybe next week, we'll announce some new cities. Yeah. All right. That's it. That's really exciting. Oh, I do just want to say yesterday. I just want to plug them one time. I went to Trellis yesterday, which we talked about on our fertility episode.

They're a fertility clinic. They did reach out to me to come and do a little like fertility assessment. So I just want to like plug them. It was a nice experience. I mean, I just did the assessment. They take a little bit of blood and they check your, basically your fertility. So I would just like to say, Ashley asked me on my way in. She said, how are you going to feel if they, like, tell you you're like infertile?

And I said, it's so crazy. I never thought about it. Yeah. Like, I never thought about how I'd feel. But I have a great bill of health. I have the uterus of a young 20-year-old, they told me. Oh. Uh-huh.

So they showed me a whole chart of, like, how your follicles, like, decline. And so, like, at my age, I should have about 13 follicle. A follicles where the eggs are. Yeah. And I have 23. Oh, my God. I know. It's crazy.

You're good to go. I can, bitch, bitch, don't get pregnant. How have we not gotten pregnant? That was the first words out of my mouth. I'm always trying to, like, do bits at the gynecologist, and, like, they're not here for it. I am shook right now that you have not gotten pregnant. Well, you do plan B, though.

Yeah, but you are not in control, and you're not always the... Well, whatever. But you do... Actually, though, I mean, you seem... You just sound like they're really fertile, and I, we've said it before. You wait real long to get that plan B.

So I just can't believe you haven't gotten pregnant. I mean, I'm glad. It's 72 hours. Not all. Always. Not always. I mean, look, nobody knows how, I mean, they can tell you as much as they want about fertility and how it works and the percentages of probabilities. Nobody really knows how this stuff works. And so there are people that you can give a sonogram to that look like they're super fertile and they never get pregnant. I have a friend that's like struggling to get pregnant. She's super fertile. Turns out her husband's sperm's from sideways, which I've never heard of. There's like a million reasons why you don't get pregnant. So, I mean, the guy said to me like, just because you have so many eggs doesn't mean that like the quality is going to be incredible. quality, not quantity. Yes. You're like, well, can we check the quality?

Right. Can we do something here? So anyways, I'm thinking about doing it. I think about getting my eggs frozen. I don't know. I mean, I have time to think about it now. But he said, don't wait like too much longer. So we'll see.

I'm thinking about it and I'm not in a rush. All right, guys. Well, Rain has eggs. Tons of eggs. Extremely frown. We don't know if they're good ones, but she's got them. Tell your fun, successful, rich brothers and friends. To impregnate her.

Anyways, guys. Let's get into my. our guests for the day. Yes. Okay. Finally. So we are welcoming an awesome guest today in the house studio with me, Ashley, and Dewey. We have a meme king. He has over two million followers on Instagram. You guys know him as Tank Sinatra. He also has tanks good news. Think Tank podcast, which Ashley just came from doings. We definitely check it out. And he has the largest traps I have ever seen in my life on a human man. Wait, is he our trap king? I am a trap house.

That's the house. Sorry. You're not the king. You're the house. I found the trap house to my brick house. Those are about my trap house. Yeah. That's much better than King.

I won't do that again. No, I appreciated it. You walked in unaccompanied because you were parking. Bobby Shmurda was playing. Dewey did not know what was going on. No, he was like, trap the fucking traps. He was like, that guy's as big as the door frame. Yeah.

He thought another door walked in the door. He was like, wait a second. How did this house? Mom, when do we get another door? Is this our new house? That wolf is on two feet. What the fuck is going on? Sorry, I shouldn't curse so much.

Oh, no, it's okay. Curse away. I think it's, I find people that don't curse to be suspect. Yeah. They're not living an honest life. You got to live on a honest life. You guys did? Yeah.

About you living an honest life or him? Just in general. Tank has something great to. Let's just own with it. there's a difference between being honest and living an honest life. What is it? Okay, if somebody says to you, what's an honest life? What does that mean to you?

It means that you don't do anything that's not in your best interest or the best interests of the people around you that you care about. Okay, so that's interesting. Like treating people how you want to be treated because we were saying, and yourself. We have women that tell us stuff that happened that some guy did something to them and something terrible and they're like, well, he was honest about it. It's like he's a piece of shit.

Oh yeah. We have like women like, specific, that email that we got, this guy like broke up. her, which we were like, great, good for him, being honest. And he was like, well, I could have been a dick. And, like, that's kind of like what I'm inclined to do anyways. And, like, fuck other girls behind your back, but I didn't. We were like, congratulations?

Like, he was basically, like, old me would have used you for sex and strung you along. But I'm trying to be a good person. Like, it's like, you can't just be a good person. You don't have to pat yourself in the back for not being an asshole. I had, I read this book. I forgot which book it was. But I've done this in therapy also where you use the guy. Oh, it was, um, it was, um,

the road less traveled, Robert, not Robert Frost. That's the poem. It's Robert Frost. But the book is written by some other guy and he said he had a patient that used to come in and use the session as like a press conference for herself.

And like that's kind of what that guy was doing. Like here's how good of a guy I am. Yes. I'd have to tell you about it. Yep. If you're that good of a guy. You don't have to do it. You shouldn't, here's my goal in life.

Like I don't want my watch or my car or my traps to indicate to you who I am. I want you to know. by my presence that I'm a full, whole person that you can trust and have a good time with. Not my clothes, not anything about that. Maybe the way I walk a little bit because that's like my soul moving towards you.

Well, the traps do say something. The traps say I can protect you. Yes, that is what they say. Absolutely. I was thinking like we could hire you as our bodyguard if the meme stuff doesn't ever work out for you. Right. I don't, I mean, you're big, but your arms are huge.

You still have a neck. I want people to, I mean, it's not a long neck. but is there. My traps are top 0.001%. Bernie Sanders would say, I have more traps than the bottom 99% combined. We will take a photograph of your neck for the people so they know you have a neck. Okay.

That it's a defined chin jawline neck. Yeah. I mean, I'm not like the baby from boss baby. You know. Wait, but you do kind of look like that. Because he has no hair? I'm sorry.

But yeah, I see it. We're glad you're here. Do you want to introduce yourself? Tell us your background. Where you're from? You're married. I don't know. I have to do this like in the, like on a show in a little while, this appearance that I have planned.

And I have to like figure out who I am in a 90 second pitch. And it's like borderline impossible. I'm from New York. I'm married. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm a bodybuilder. I am a meme maker. I'm a spiritual person.

I read. Like, I'm a lot. Like, I do a lot. I've had a very full life and I want to continue to have a full life. And that means whatever it means on any given day. Some days I read. Some days I don't. Some days I go to the gym.

Some days I don't. Some days I'm a good husband. Some days I'm not so great. I'm a father. Like, I'm just trying to do my best. Okay. And just for people who don't follow, I thought that was beautiful, by the way. I don't want to cut you up.

I just want you to say sometimes I like lift a car up above my head. Whatever needs to be done is where I'm going to get it done kind of guy. Because I do picture you pulling like a tire. I feel like he'd like rip a tire open. Yeah. Definitely a phone book. If I had to. A phone book.

Don't age yourself, Rana. I will rip Google in half. Yes. For people who don't follow you, which at the end of the episode, I hope they all do, but you create original memes and they are so good. Thank you. They are really funny. And I feel like there's a million meme accounts out there.

I don't really know who else is doing what you're doing. Yeah. Because even the originals, fuck Jerry, fat Jewish. They're not creating original content. They would openly admit that. They stole content forever, now they credit. And I don't know. Like you, I can respect it.

That's what I do too. But it's just like, I don't know another account. Like yours, who else is even doing what you're doing? My partner, Adam Padilla, Adam the creator. Oh, that's Adam the creator. Except he does it so much better and so much higher quality than I could ever do it. Because he's, oh, the Achilles. Sorry, there was a little gas on me.

That was your yogurt. Yeah. You came in hot. I've never seen somebody take down a yogurt that fast. two bites. You handed him a spoon and it was inside of his body. I've never seen anybody. So I throwed a yogurt that fast.

I suck dick and I was impressed. If you didn't give me a spoon, I was just going to crush the chill bind. I handed you a spoon and the quickness with which you handed it back, I was like, oh, he's something wrong with a spoon. Like, I didn't know if you handed it back because you were done. And you had to ride in tank's car with him. He had berries in the car. His car smelled like the mall.

It was great. The mall, what's the mall feeling? It's like a non-a-mal smell. Not a bad mall smell. Like a good food court smell. I wish my car would smell like Antianns. If I could pick a smell from my car. Oh my God.

That's what they should do something with that. New pretzel smell is unreal. Buttery pretzel. I love anti-ans. I only hate myself enough to put that in my body like a couple times a year. I haven't had that in decades. It's so bad. It's the worst thing you can put down your gullet.

I love pizza. Guys, what were we talking about? Oh, you're about. about you. And you, Adam the creeter also is like another one I think is phenomenal. You were saying your partner, Adam, earlier. I cannot know that's who that was. So the, like the Achilles heel of making memes is that you're always using other people's images.

So it's like, so while some people are curating content start to finish box, this is a box that I found. I'm going to put this box on my page. I'm taking a smaller part of the box and writing in the top part, but I'm still using other people's images. He makes images from scratch, Photoshop. He's un-fucking believable. Adam is a creator. He's not a curator in any sense of the word. He is an actual production machine. He's a creativity giant. How did you like get into it? I think it's like so crazy and interesting how you got into this because you're not like a stand-up comedian, but the stuff that you do is pure comedy. I've always loved comedy. Being funny is like my favorite quality. And you've been doing comedy. Yeah. I've done it here and there. My favorite laugh is an interpersonal laugh where like it's just well-timed. It's contextual. You see something. You say something.

You know? Yeah. So then Tank Sinatra grew and grew and grew and grew and grew. And then Tank's Good News was born out of that. Right. And tanks good news, which you didn't know about, right? And I've discovered it since. Yes, I don't know about it.

It's, yeah, it's like the best thing I've ever done. Okay. The uplifting part of your day. Yeah. Like of someone's day. And it's, I am now forced in a disciplined manner to go find good news. It's like changed my life. Yeah.

Literally. Okay. I was always a positive kind of guy. I saw it out the positive. but it was like, now it's like I have to go find stories to populate this website and this Instagram page. Okay, but totally separate from that, you have this book that you're writing called Go to Bed Angry.

So, like, you actually think about like relationships and dating. Oh, yeah. Things like that a lot. So what's the book about? So the book is just kind of a, it's not a memoir per se. There are definitely going to be stories in there, but it's a roadmap from codependency to healthy, committed relationship. and I say healthy because committed can be healthy,

but a lot of times people will commit out of fear of being alone or loneliness and wind up in a situation that's just so destructive for them and they can't get out of it. So I don't want to put any like, that's not good. I'm not saying that that's good. But what I'm saying is that even if you are in a committed relationship, there are ways to make it healthy from the inside out that are in your control, even if you think there aren't, because there are. Okay.

Was that spurned by your wife? That was spurned by my desire to just like, you know, back to my life. I just want to enjoy my life. Yeah. I got sober at a young age. And I escaped that demon, alcoholism and drug addiction. And I fell into codependency. And it was like, this is just as hard.

So the book starts off with me getting my heartbroken publicly by this girl I had a crush on in sixth grade. She did a shitty thing. She like called me a fat fuck in front of the whole class. after I, like, she kind of like spread a rumor that she liked me to make, like, it was like a joke because she was really pretty and like, like, why would she like she, oh my God. The one island girls are so savage.

I can't have kids bullying. It makes me like want to cry. So then I found out that she liked me and, or I found out that I heard that she liked me. So I had my friend ask her out. And she was like, I'm not going out with that fat fuck. And I was like, oh, God. I'm going to die.

I was in sixth grade. Then it happened again in seventh grade with another person. Oh, my God. I just was like, girls hate me and I'm not worth loving because I'm fat. So I'm just going to be funny. Right. So I became funny, which is what we were talking about in my podcast, which is like a coping mechanism. So when I got sober, I placed way too much importance on what the girl I was dating

thought of me and how she was treating me and how quickly she texted me back. And it's just, I went down this rabbit hole of making bad decision after bad decision, choosing the wrong person saying I wanted one thing and choosing the polar opposite. Like I actually had a list of things that I wanted in a partner and I chose like the exact opposite because this is something that I learned. So when you're a kid, you are like one of the defining characteristics of being young is being self-centered. Even some adults are self-centered.

But when you're a kid, you literally think the world exists for you. So when you're self-centered, when self-centeredness and trauma intersect, self-loathing is born out of that experience. So that's why I was making these choices, because although everything was okay, I was sober, I was employed, I had a girlfriend, I was in shape, I was healthy, my family was good, I would still choose situations that made me feel bad and reinforced how I felt subconsciously about myself but couldn't figure out why. That's the most important thing I learned in my entire life.

Okay. Is the self-centeredness and the trauma, self-loathing. That's why you make these decisions. How do you combat it? Heal. You got to heal. So much work. Right.

But the book is about the work and the fact that sometimes people will tell you to do work and there's really no guarantee that it's going to work. Well, because everybody's different. Yeah, but not really. Like if you do the work, like if you eat less than you expend calories-wise or if you save, if you spend less money than you make, you will save money or you will lose weight. These are principles that are not up for debate.

The problem is nobody tells you how to like navigate a craving for ice cream at 10 o'clock. When you say work, are you talking about therapy or all the things together? Because you said you meditate, you read, you know, you don't drink, you're healthy. All the things together. Okay. It's a lot of work being a happy person. But I'd rather force myself to be happy than be naturally sad, which I was for a long time.

You think you just replaced like all these addictions with love and companionship? Is that? Did that? Like, because you said you're so like, Oh, yeah. For sure. And then I had to heal and then I had to deal with that. Then I had to say, all right, this person, I'm still putting my, I'm still placing my internal condition on an external factor. Like, I can't do that. I mean, that's a real thing. I don't know, Ray, I don't know if you've been in a relationship like that. That's such a thing, where you feel responsible for someone's happiness.

Or they're, I'm saying they're responsible for mine. I say, I'm saying, like, I feel responsible for this person I'm dating. happiness. Yeah, which is so unfair. It's so unfair. And even just to be, there was like this meme today I saw of like, don't make your friends or your partner or your therapist pay for therapy. That's why it costs money. You know, if you really

need to like, they're trained to let you fucking talk this through. It's not saying that your friends and your partner shouldn't listen to you, but there comes a point where it's too much. Yeah, and they can be a sounding board, but they're not experts. Yeah. We always say on the show, like, you know, you should create a life that you're so proud of so that like your partner

doesn't have to be the only thing. And like, I had a girlfriend. We're not super close anymore in California. And like she just, she was like this beautiful beauty queen, but she didn't really have like a lot of else going on. So she was constantly just like, boyfriend dating apps, boyfriend, breakup dating apps. It was just crazy ass cycle. She had a fight with her boyfriend. And she was immediately on the dating apps. And I was like, she would cry to me. And I was like, why don't you try to do something else that makes you happy? Like anything. Anything. Pick any hobby. Get better at your job. Take a trip. Anything. Like this can't be the only thing that you derive happiness from. Like that's a terrible thing.

thing to do to another person. Because then it takes you down. Like if you, if your number one thing is a relationship and a partner and a romantic partner and that kind of thing and shit doesn't work out, you get like taken out. Like you lose days of work.

Like it like, oh yeah. Fucks you up so badly because you have relied on it. If you have a finite amount of points in your emotional bank and you assign eight out of 10 to this person treating you well and they disappear. So you're married.

Yeah. And your first marriage, right? Yep. Okay. And how long have you got? You've been married for eight years, but together for... Eight and a half. It happened quick? We got married super fast. Okay. Yeah. Like we met in December, we were married by July. Wow. No engagement, no nothing. Oh, you didn't get engaged ever. You just said, okay, oh, what happened? It was like over a phone call. I swear to God. I remember being outside this restaurant. She's like, I think we should get married. I was like, I know. I like, we should, right? Like, I'm not being cute. Like, I really feel... Are you being serious?

because I'm being serious. And she's like, I'm just kidding. And then I was like when you're six grade. No, she's like, no, I'm serious. I was like, all right, I'm serious too. Like, how do we, how do we do it? I didn't, there was no like, I'm not one for theatrics. I do think that ritual and tradition is important, but like the whole like, I don't

know, hiring a photographer and going into Central Park and falling and I'm on my knee. I might as well ask you to marry me. Like, that's so dumb to me. Yeah. I feel bad for people that think that that's what it takes to get, like, to have a, memorable moment. No matter how you get engaged, it doesn't matter if it's a big deal or a small deal, you'll remember it. It doesn't need to be a big thing. I love that you said that also. It's just some of the stuff about, I don't want to. Did you have a wedding though?

Yeah, well, we got married. So my wife's father died right before we got together. So we got married on the beach that he used to go to in the morning in Islip on the day that my friend died years prior because every time that day would come up, I was like, it was a rough day, July 12th. So a lot of symbolism just built into all this. It happened to be Tuesday night in the summer. Okay. I mean, Tuesday, like, fuck it.

On a beach. Yeah. We had the reception in her sister's backyard who did actually a beautiful job of setting up, like, the backyard for the dinner. But there was like 18 people there. Yeah, I mean, like, I just have a lot of issues with, like, the theatrics is a good word of marriage

and the father giving you away. and you have to ask permissions. Like, I don't, my dad doesn't own me, by the way. I mean, I'm also, you know, not financially codependent on my parents. I guess some people are. And they're a little younger or whatever. But that whole thing, I just, there's a lot of things in this white dress.

I mean, I would probably wear a white dress if I were married. But there's too much. No, I just remember. I'm not trying. No, have your dream wedding. If that's not our dream, you know? Yeah, exactly. Do your dream.

I just, when I was getting married, like, I, I wanted to just, like, have, like, a backyard barbecue. and I just got overruled by everybody. And by the way, like my parents and his parents who were not getting married, but yes, they're giving me the wedding

so they're welcome to give their input. I didn't want any of that. And, like, I was being dragged around by my mom to all of these hotels to see what their, like, hospitality suites looked like. And I was just like,

I don't care about any of this. Like, throw a party? Yeah. It just, it was not my dream. We went to a wedding recently, and I, hopefully they don't listen to this because I feel bad, but the...

They probably do. We're pretty big. Whatever. I love you guys anyway. but the whole, it wasn't just this wedding. This was just the wedding that struck me, that it struck me at. I was like, this whole thing is absurd. Yeah.

It's ridiculous. You guys want to come watch us say we're going to date forever? Okay. When? Be there at 12 and then the party is at 8. I'm doing that this weekend. And it's like, it's past. It's just such a crazy ritual.

So I have this question for you. You met your wife. You were like around 30. Yeah. And did you feel when you met her that you weren't codependent anymore, had you dated and been in healthy relationships? Did you feel like you were this complete person ready to settle down and have a stable relationship? Yeah. And for years prior, like, had you felt that way for a while? No. So I dated a girl when I was 28 that was like the one that broke me because it was like the sixth girl that I chose in a row that was like the same situation again.

And I was like, I can't do this anymore. So it wasn't, I didn't move, I moved to California, but I moved to California not to get away from this girl, but to move towards who I thought I could be, like, independent of all the comforts that I had in my life. My life was just very comfortable. I wasn't going to have to grow. I was going to, if I got to California, I was going to need to, like, figure out a new geography, figure out a whole new system of places being open and closing.

Like in New York, everything's open so late. Like you have to figure out how to navigate in a different... Yeah, it ruined me. I can't live anywhere else else. I need to be able to... Ashley and I went to Westside Market 12.30 last night for me to get soup. I didn't even be able to do that.

You want soup? You want soup. You want soup. You want food. I want chicken noodle soup at Westside Market at 1230 at night. And you got it. I got it. So I came back from California and I met her. And that was... And it was like... I asked her, I also got to the point in my relationship with myself

where I was like, nobody's getting in this. that's not worthy of being in my life. I'm not taking whoever will be here because they're hot or because I'm lonely. So I asked her like crazy questions. Like, your wife or the girl before? My wife. On the first date, I'm like, how much money do you make?

What's your credit score? How do you feel about abortion? Do you believe in God? Wow. Because fuck it. Yeah. I don't want to go on a second date if we don't align on important stuff.

And she was like, chill? Let me ask you a question. Did she drink? Barely. But she was like pretty dead sober. and you were like, how much do you make? Okay. Yeah.

Because sometimes, like, when I'm drunk, it's late at night. You can ask me anything. Yeah. But, like, dead sober, I can, like, really like the bad. I mean, I should always say, like, there's not, people say, like, what do you talk about on a first date? Like, there's no rules. Talk about anything if you like the person.

Yeah. I mean, there's people that can say that to me, and I'd be like, who do you think you are? Yeah. And other people, I have no problem with it at all. Were you asking that to see, like, making sure she had her own shit? Just to see. So she wasn't going to rely on you?

It was two things. one, your questions are valid. Like, how did she react? Because half of it was like, how is she going to react to this? If she's going to be like an asshole, then I don't want to deal with that either. Because you're going to need to talk about serious topics in life sometimes. Let's just get it going to tell. Let's just do it now. Or let's, you know, I'm not saying

it's always going to be serious all the time, but like let's see who we are right now while we're on our best behavior. Right. So... Show me your bank account. Show me your bank account. Show me your chest and your traps. Snapchat me that. Bank account. How's that 401?

me that credit score? Snapchat me that credit karma. Screenshot. Were you this bill then? I dare a guy to ask me how much I make on a date. I'd be like, fucking enough. How much do you make? What did you? No, just it wasn't, it was like... More than you. That's a flex.

Which would be a fine answer. Don't worry about it. Because it's like, you want to know that somebody because somebody having money isn't like, it's not indicative of security in the sense of how much money they have. It's like, are you able to survive on your own. Without me. Yes. Absolutely. I love that.

Absolutely. You need to know that somebody's independent. Because if two independent people come together, then there's an interdependence, not a codependence. There's like, it's me and then there's you and then there's our relationship, which is a whole separate entity. And I'm going to feed myself emotionally and spiritually and physically and you're going to feed yourself and then we're going to contribute to the health of the relationship. But if somebody's not healthy, they can't contribute much to the health of the relationship. Then they become dependent on the other person to drive the,

you know, drive the relationship forward, which is too much. Absolutely. I mean, I guess there's definitely, I don't know, does she work? Yeah. So did she take time off when she had to raise your kids? I mean, because a lot of times there's relationships. They're like, well, I'm going to raise the kids. No, she works.

So she has a spa where she does like, what? Can we go? Yeah. go right now. She does this thing. She was doing facials and waxings for like 15 years. Okay. And then she started getting into like micro-needling and microdermibrasion. Do you know what that is? Yeah. We know it all. We know everything. Then she got it to. Burt beautiful. I cannot believe. He's like, no, you need it. The beauty, the presence of beauty than I'm out. Wow. Thanks, Tank.

Just fibroblasting. Have you heard of that? What is it? Fibroblasting? No. So fibroblasting. Sounds like what a guy does to you like. It sounds very beneficial. It sounds like what you guys did on your first date. I fucking fiber blasted him, bro. Sick. No, she, it's microneedling, but instead of with needles, it's with plasma, which is, not plasma like from your skin or from your blood. It's like there's gas, solid, liquid, and plasma.

It's like another state of matter. Oh. So it's energy that goes very shallow into your skin, and it's like a mini plastic surgery almost, but it's much cheaper and there's no... All right. Well, we are going to tighten that face up. We're going to be there. Okay, people ask us a lot about first dates. And like, I don't know that we'll ever, eventually we'll do a whole episode about it.

But like, people, I think want to know like, like, what are you talking about on first date? I'm blown away that you talked about abortion and how much money they may and like poll it on first date. Like, do you think this is like, did you do this with anybody else? No. Okay, wait a minute. Also, were you hitting it off kind of? Or did you straight up open with that? No, no.

We were hitting it off. We were hitting it off. thought she was so beautiful. Yeah. And I'm like, this is, this is like, I fall for this easily. She could be an asshole. Because of what you did with. Prior. So I said, let me see who she is because if she's this beautiful, I want to make sure that she's the kind of person that I could fall in love with. Otherwise, I'm not,

there's not going to be a second date. Okay. Because otherwise I would just paint every red flag I saw green and be like, let's go. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, it's not like, sit down, let's open our checking accounts and see what's in there. It's like you were hit, you were liking her. I was immediately. Yeah. Yeah. Like almost instantaneously.

Okay. Because it was just so, I was, we were talking already, like on the phone, which is another thing that I tell people, you can avoid texting, avoid texting, make a phone call, figure out if this person's voice, you can even stand for more than 30 seconds. That's a good call. Did you, how did you guys meet? We met on, well, we reconnected on Facebook, but we met years prior. She was married before.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. She was married and she used to work with my sister at this spot. Huntington. And I remember walking in there one day and I was like, what? Is that a human being? Oh my God. She's so pretty. It's like a visual. Oh my God. I like this phone call thing. Okay, I never told you about this. I think it was right before I met you. I wanted to date with this guy who I like really liked and we were on the phone. He called me to like confirm our date. And I was like, this is so great. We're on the phone for an hour and a half. Like we couldn't stop talking. And I was like, I like this guy

so much. And I went on a date that night, nothing left to talk about. Oh. I like filibustered the date. Like I It was just like too much So like I would limit the time You're on the phone and texting Like just like get to know somebody in person a little bit Because I was just like I don't have anything He called you to confirm the date

And you're like so how was your day? He's like wait what? He was like why are we doing this? I don't want to do this. This is a professional phone call Please keep it as such Did you have a long phone conversation Before the date?

I don't remember Also if it's the right person I'm sure you have more to talk about No I yeah it was like I wanted to talk to her Because I liked her Right I think I got there And I was like he started talking So some people you can talk to on the phone,

you're like, they're great. And you get their presence and you're like, whatever. I don't want to fuck him. That's how I felt like he's good looking. You could see him walking down the street. He's in the East Village. I'm sure you see him all the time.

He's a good looking guy. I was just like, your presence doesn't make me want to suck your dick. I'm just not going to do it. That's a thing. That's a thing. Absolutely. So we didn't really get into this, but you said you dated like a similar woman over and over and over before her.

And what was that? Was it more of the codependent style? They were always just out of a relationship that went on forever. toxic, obviously, otherwise it wouldn't end, it would be healthy and they'd get married. Or they were at the tail end of it. So it was like, I was Mr. Rebalance. Show her what a real man is about

what it's like to be with a nice guy. And then I'd turn it to a crazy person because I would be so fearful that they were going to leave me. So you just, I mean, they weren't emotionally available. I think that's an important thing to say to yourself. Like, if this person I'm opening myself up to ever going to be able to be with me.

It was just, it was probably the. Traps is why they went for it. Your traps? Yeah. No, and like a thirst trap kind of way. No, my thirst traps. I made that mistake though. Like right after my engagement ended, I started dating somebody like right away.

I'm like, I had no business being in a relationship. I was crazy. The things I asked of this new person was like not fair and not valid. Did you change your name to Todd and stand like this? Yeah. I want to talk about some things that you, I asked you what topics you like to talk about. And I found these like really interesting. first up, how long should you wait to have sex?

Did you have sex with her, with your wife the first night? No. Okay. They were at Starbucks. Fucking on a Starbucks? Right in the Starbucks. Those bathrooms are the nastiest bathroom. Yeah, but 10 could like lift somebody up anywhere.

I don't want to touch anything in a Starbucks bathroom at any height. If they went to the Starbucks bathroom and she's like, I don't want to touch a surface, he's like, I got this. He just like hoist her up on his trap. I'm going to levitate you on this jerk. Sorry. He's like, you can actually sit on my house. traps. I don't remember how long exactly it was, but there's no, so I like that question because

every question with any relationship is always like with an asterisk. It's like, but whatever applies to your situation is what you're going to do. Yes. Right. And also live your truth. Like we say, we, Rayne and I both dated guys night one, fucked him within a few hours of meeting them, dated them, dated them. Yeah. Like had a relationship with them. And then it's had complete opposite situations happen as well. Sorry. Yeah. No, it's okay. So I'm, I like delaying gratification. That's like a big... The chase.

Yeah, I do. But what I learned that with sex is that if you have chemistry with someone especially, that sexual tension is like you're never going

to be able to replicate that or recreate it. It's magical, draw it out as long as you possibly possibly can. Because why not? If you're going to be with them, you have the rest of forever.

You know you're going to have sex with them. Yeah. We sent this on our episode. One of our fifth episodes or six episodes about when you was sex. I think you said it. You said if there's chemistry on the first date, it'll be there on the third day.

Like, wait. What is the rush? And also, if you want to fuck somebody, fuck somebody, we all, like, women are empowered, whatever. We have a lot more to say about it. You can listen to episode guys. I mean, I think it's literally called

when to give it up or something. And just just do whatever you want. But like, I love you. I just think this, the whole thing to me is, what's the rush? Really, what is it? There isn't any. And so to your point,

if you're waiting to have sex because you don't want to be seen a certain way, that's not a, that's not a, that's a great motivation for waiting. We don't, we don't think that either. The only motivation would be that I, I value this, this, like, literally electric charge between us, and I want to build it up

and see how big I can get the charge. Not like, zap, okay, now it's, like, you touch a doorknob and it zaps. It's like, this thing is building, building, building, which means that when you have sex, oh my God. I totally agree. And Raina always has a great point. you want to say what you always said?

I yelled into a crowd of one or the other. No, I mean, I was always just like, do whatever you want. But, like, having sex with somebody isn't going to, like, make somebody never talk to you again. And withholding sex isn't going to make them be your boyfriend. So, like, all this strategy that people try to do about, like, withhold sex, give sex. Like, if you're using it as a weapon, it's never going to work. If you're with a guy that just wants to fuck you, he will go on those three dates with you and fuck you and still never talk to you again. Right.

Absolutely. That guy's not going to be like, weaponizing sex. And, like, any guy that's worth a shit. you should never feel pressure to have sex. I mean, okay, if you're really, for whatever reason, maybe you're really religious and it's been months and months, I don't live like that, so whatever.

But if it's date three and you feel pressure to have sex, break up with that guy, I think. I just don't agree. I think you shouldn't feel pressure to have sex with a guy after a few dates. Ever. You should never feel pressure to do anything with a person. I've never been like,

I guess like you said at that panel that we were at, you were like, I wish I would have known when I was talking about you didn't have to have sex with people. And yet that's definitely when I was like 18, 19, 20. I didn't know that I could just get up and leave or go to sleep or whatever. I was like, I guess, you know, we're here. Or have a heavy makeout and call tonight. Yeah.

Like, you got, you know, you're younger. You get wrapped up in this like, oh my God, I don't want to give him blue balls. And we're like, fuck your blue balls. This is a myth. Absolutely it is. Okay, Tanco and I love that answer. I'm going to move on to the next one. You said in one of your topics you like to talk about how do you achieve real intimacy.

Oh, my God. You look stressed. No, I'm just. It's a huge conversation. Also, how do you define real intimacy? So intimacy, I always thought intimacy was just having sex with somebody. Because that's what it was in the movies. If they're like, if two guys are in a locker room, they're like,

We were intimate. It means they fucked. Oh, I thought you meant together in the locker room. Okay, you're talking about other with a longer room talk. Or maybe they do fucking the locker room. I don't know. No, we were, you know, they'll say we were intimate. Whatever kind of movies you guys are into.

I'm thinking of like some, Like porkies or something. Totally. When they're like, we were intimate. We were intimate. And that means you fucked. I mean you fucked. Which I thought was because as far as physical intimacy goes, being inside of another person is the closest you can be to them.

You can't get closer than that. Out of pee. I just hear Raina on our last week. We're talking about when people get too close to you, maybe from behind. And Rayna's like, why are you inside of me right now? I hate it. When someone stands too close to you, they're breathing on your neck. Yeah.

To me, I don't feel like that. Sex to me does not equate intimacy at all to me. Like, I have sex with people. I don't feel intimately acquainted with them. I'm sorry, dad. Your point is great. You're inside of me. Physically, we couldn't be closer.

Could not be closer. I don't call that true. Like, I have true intimacy with like, Ashley. I'm never going to penetrate her. Yeah, but we fuck. Girls got a fuck. I think it's like, girls got to fuck. It's like, you guys do that?

So I'm not saying that is either. That was just a setup. So have you ever seen The Little Miss Sunshine? Mm-hmm. No. Like the chubby girl and the butterfly or butterfly? So there's a scene in the movie where the boy, her older brother, wants to get into the Air Force really, really, really bad. They're in the middle of the desert.

Steve Corel is driving. The boy opens a letter and he finds out that he's not eligible for the Air Force because he's colorblind, right? So he flips out, stops the car, gets out of the car, runs down into the desert a few hundred feet and just crouches down and his crying is really upset. And his sister walks out of the car down the desert, crouches next to him. And I was, you know, watching this movie, I'm like, she's going to say something. Great. I can't wait to hear what she says. She said nothing.

She just kind of like existed next to him and healed him with her energy. And that to me is intimacy. It's like there's no label that can work to, like there's nothing you can say or do. It's either it is or it isn't and it's a feeling of home. Why am I crying? You always cry. I don't cry a lot on the podcast, except when we talk about our audience and when tank talks. Tank's good news.

Tank talks. But that's also my idea of heaven from that movie. You worry about how you're going to recognize your family members in the afterlife if don't look the way they do now. It's like you will just recognize them for the same reason that your soul chose them to be your family in this life. What is going on right now? This is so deep. I hope I recognize your parents. Because Raina will have already like forgotten about her parents. In heaven, she's part of my family. Raina's going to big league her mom in heaven. My mom's going to be like, hey. And I'm like, Ashley's mom's my mom now. Yeah, I will be done.

Okay. How do you achieve this? time, time and effort. And so there's a, I hate to like tell another story. I'll make it as short as possible, but there's a book by David Eagleman about the brain that he says that by the time you're three or two, you have all the connections in your brain that you're ever going to need.

So therefore, as it stands, you are not the connections you make, but the connections that you let die. So like you're constantly pruning your brain. So intimacy would be like trimming away all of the. distractions of life, kids, laundry, work, dinner, movie, and just like existing. And to be honest with you, it's a little uncomfortable at first because there's nothing

between you. It's just you two are one together. And that is a lot to process. But once you move past the discomfort, it's like, holy shit. I've had a relationship where, I mean, yeah, when we like fell in love, I felt like he was home. We always say that. You should feel like excited about someone, but that they're also home. Like, you shouldn't feel a sense of anxiety. You should feel really relaxed and really comfortable with somebody, if that's true love to me. But I never subscribe to this whole, like,

you complete me bullshit. But I also felt like he was, like, part of me. Like, I felt like when he was not around me, I felt like I was, like, missing a limb or something. And I don't even think that was in an unhealthy way. I felt like when people say soulmates, you feel like you share a soul in a way. Like, you feel like you, that person's, like, weirdly a part of you.

And I, I mean, that's, like, pretty deep. But I feel like, when, I talk to people that have that same relationship, they feel the same way. This person is like part of you as a person. Yeah. I think it can happen earlier than later too. I mean, I think sometimes it's a whole when you know, you know type of thing. Yeah.

Which is the most frustrating thing to hear when you're single. And somebody's like, when you know, you'll know when you know. It's like, well, we talk about this too. I think it's comforting, actually. I think like it makes me feel better. And I'm like, when I know that I don't know, I also know. I'm just like, okay, I don't need to do this. I think it's comforting to like get to an age where you're involved enough to be like,

yeah, I've seen this before. I don't want to do this. I'm not into this. I'm out of this. I dated somebody the opposite of Ashley for a long time where like we were together for a long time and I knew all these things about him. I could tell you what his parents did for a living and where he went to college and what his favorite food was and what his sports teams that he likes were. But I didn't feel like a sense of intimacy with this person. Like it just there was nothing deeper than that. It was just like a list of facts about this person. I didn't feel like when I wasn't with him like a part of my soul was missing. It was just like another person to be around almost. So like now I can I identify, like, that's not what true intimacy is. That's just knowing a list of facts about a person. Right. Yeah, you know them.

That's compatibility. And to me, it almost feels familial, not to sound creepy, but, like, I feel like this person's part of my family, like on a deep level. Yeah. Not your nuclear family, but your, your Earth family, you know, like, you're the family that you create and you get to choose. Oh, absolutely.

I did a term. You guys are my family now. We're in, Ash. Okay, there's one more on your list, and then we can move on. You said difference between between lust and love, which I guess is kind of what we just talked about, this feeling. Yeah. Well, I have a lot of experience with love can easily be mistaken for lust and fear,

but together. Because lust is just like an exciting, exciting feeling, but fear will keep you drawn to the person. It kept me drawn to the person. And that's probably some of that attachment theory too. Sure. Yeah. And lust kind of makes you look at problems and pretend they don't exist.

And love lets you look at problems and accept. that they do and not like it's you don't have to change that person they are who they are you already love them why would you want to change anything amazing I really I think that that's like a really great differentiator and like that breaks down exactly how I felt about a lot of people I think like love is really looking at a person saying there's all this stuff wrong with you I'm there's just so much that's not the end of my sense we're going to cut it there's a great A great way to end, but I'd like to hear the rest. That's the intro to the episode now.

No, I think it's like looking at a person and be like there's all this stuff wrong with you and I'm going to work with it and I'm going to work on it. And like I think that's how I felt like Ashley and I are so close. That's how I feel about about our friendship and that's how I'm sure she feels about me too. And that's how I felt about like the most important romantic relationships in my life. And people I'm truly, truly loud. Like I know all your flaws and I'm here to like work through them with you. But I think there's this thing that you do in your head like because I'm just like my major flaw in past. relationships is that people think I demand perfection and it's never enough and it's I'm hard

to please and all these things. And I think over time it's been like, okay, well, nobody's perfect. I'm not. So the flaws, that's part of who this person is as a person. There's something else that counterbalances that that's so much more important. You know, like I have to tell myself that with Raina because she's like the most important relationship in my life at this time and I'm sure she has to do that with me. You know, I'm sure there's like points where you're like, I don't like this thing this person has did, but all the other like outweighs it. And you kind of do this balance. things, but you don't do that with people you don't love. You're just like, fuck it. I cannot. The list of shit wrong with them is too much and I'm out.

When you love somebody, you're like, yeah, but they're like this because this other thing, counterbalances it in a weird way. Plus, when somebody does it for you, it makes it a lot easier to do it for them. Like, my wife is the most. She never, ever once tried to change me, ever in any way. And that has made me want to change for her more than anybody. So true. Yeah. I want to talk about this a lot, fighting in relationships. I think that would be like a really cool topic to do. Like, is it okay to fight? How much did you fight? conflict, but I think people are afraid to fight, and I think that, like, you shouldn't be

and that's okay. Like, Ashley and I fight, I fought in romantic relationships, too. Like, it's something you really don't like about a person. It's okay to, like, have those fights. It doesn't mean the relationship is over and you hate the person. Yeah. So I think it's okay to, like, identify those things that you don't like and talk about it and fight about it. If you're fighting over something that they do,

that's different than fighting over something about who they are. Yeah, like, if it's a character, if it's a characteristic that you're fighting over, it's going to be an ongoing fight. And the only choice you have at that point is to do, like Ashley just said and just say, you got all these other qualities. I'm just going to not harp on this.

And believe it or not, like realistically, when you stop looking at the thing that bothers you, it almost totally disappears. Because you're not focusing on it. I love that you said that. And I love it that you said that your wife was the only person you felt like didn't try to change you.

And I got like really deep in this DM last night with this girl said. It just spoke to me. She DMed and I had a couple drinks. so I just like wrote a paragraph, which is just, you know, I'm 2 a.m. I woke up and I was like, did you last say? She like hates the way her boyfriend eats. Like he eats trash and he doesn't care about his health and he doesn't work out. And I was like, this could be a deal breaker or he could eventually just start to care more or

he could grow out of these habits or he could be one of this person that just eats McDonald's every day and lives till he's 100. Like you just never know. I mean, I wrote more than that. But it just goes back to what you just said of like when you, try to change somebody in those things, like, it's just going to be the end of their relationship. If you don't, then that person does eventually want to change to be better, hopefully. Yeah, especially if you live better.

Right. If you start living better and leading by example instead of winning the finger. Yeah. Rayne and I both been guilty of trying to change somebody we were with. And I learned a lot from trying to do that. And like deciding when it's not worth it either, like we did an episode about love languages and talked about like when you, you can't just like base on a person all day, all the time about stuff. You have to, like, walk away. And, like, I dated somebody for a long time who just, like, never said anything nice to me about

anything I did. He was not proud of me and I think I looked nice. And it was really tough for me. And I couldn't just keep saying, like, be excited, be proud of me. Like, that's who he was and he wasn't changing. So I had to walk away. And I know that he looks back on it. Like, what he talks about, like, our relationship editing, he's like, well, and Torena,

she was pretty often enough, which is a very simplified version of what really happened. But, you know, I couldn't just, like, torture this person into eternity about this thing. Like, he should be with somebody that doesn't need. those things. I have an interesting theory about love languages and there's one that nobody talks about and that's abuse. Okay. Yeah. Just the fact that that's your love language. That's your love

language. Well, it's obviously a fear thing and it's horrible and abusive but I used to like date a girl. I'd get together with a girl and if like a few weeks into it we were on the phone and she was like, who are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? Where are you? What are you doing right now? I'd be like,

you like that. She likes me. Yeah. You're a long old boy. And then it just gets worse and worse. and worse and worse from there. Yeah. But if somebody was, like, abusive to me, that that meant to me that they were fearful of losing me. And if they were fearful of losing me, that meant that they liked me. Right.

Sometimes you're super into that, like, crazy jealousy. And they'll tell you stories and you're like, what did you know? Well, it depends. If you're a healthy person who's not doing anything and you don't do that to them, it's got to be reciprocal. Either both of you have to be doing that and you have to live in a hell relationship. It can't be one person. If one person's doing it, it won't last.

But then I think there's healthy jealousy. I don't know. I just, I couldn't date someone that was like actually jealous that actually was like ever gave me shit for hanging out with my guy friends or anything that I do or it would never work. I don't want any part of it. But I don't know. At the end of the day, like some of it's kind of just like funny and cute. Yeah, it's just like I don't want a guy that doesn't care at all.

Like I'm kind of jealous and I not deep down like not I'm not going to ruin someone's life over it. But I'll, you know, I'll be like, who is this? On their Instagram. You know what I mean? I'm also just like, trust no bitch. That's what we've said lately. So I'm kind of like, who's this bitch?

Ashley and I have been really saying that a lot lately. Trust no bitch. Yeah. You know, just trust no bitch. Like I was dating someone once and we've been dating for a little bit. And we were comfortable. And I like went back on his Facebook years. Oh my God.

Like to be funny. A picture like an ex of his from literally five years prior and wrote in all caps. Who is she with a knife emoji? Like just to be funny. And then it started showing up in people's speed. Oh my God. It came back up in the feed. And my friends were like, I'm hysterically crying and laughing at this.

Good. They're laughing. But it was such a joke. But that is kind of my personality because I am a little jealous. Okay. So I did something a little nuts. And like it was, okay, whatever. This guy, Summer sent me a photo of his like, he was laying on the porch. He was doing work and he had this like great like outdoor area.

And he sent me a photo of himself laid out on the porch with like his computer there and the whole like scenery of everything. And the computer was open. And I could see this was the smallest thing. There was like a G-chat open at the bottom of the screen. and I zoomed in. There's a huge landscape, and so I zoomed in, I saw the name Anna.

And he was like, look at a beautiful day and it is. And I go, who the fuck is Anna? Raina, oh my God. There was a time. We were both on the case. There was the guy I was kind of talking to. It was like super casual. And we did kind of end our communication.

And then right away, he went on this vacation. And we had a suspicion. He was there with this other girl. And we watched those Instagram stories like a hawk. More so, I just wanted to know that I was right. Because I had a suspicion. We, like, hit pause on this one story so many times to notice there was a woman's cover up on the, like, the lounge chair next to him, screenshot it.

We're zooming in. And we're like, that's it. It's a floral print. You ever zoom in on a screenshot to the camera roll at the bottom and try and make something out of there? Yeah, I'm, I'm crazy. Yes. Yeah, I am like a detective.

All women are like detectives. But I will figure it out. I pride myself on it. But I'm like a little bit of a woman like that. Do you have feminine energy? we didn't talk about us in your podcast. Is your wife a masculine? I have, I think we're, honestly, I think we're both pretty well balanced because she has very feminine traits, but she also has very like, I call them German, not masculine. She's got German,

like, you know, rigidness. Like, she's just like, not funny. Not messing around right now. Yeah, like cut and dry kind of. Yeah. Yeah. And I have like the sensitive, fearful side, but then I also have like to take control and get you done in me also. Yeah, because I think they go back and forth. It's like a fluid, like a fluid thing. I think we both have a good balance. I don't think one of us is a little bitch. Yeah, so we're both 50-50.

Maybe I'm 70-30 and she's 70-30, female, male, and I'm 70-30 male-female. But I definitely have some good feminine energy. Well, we want to, we've been like, this is like going on an hour. We want to like play this game with you. Yeah. We haven't done this in a while.

I'm excited. So we crowdsourced questions. I have to grab my phone. but we're going to have you man's plain some scenarios to us. So from a man's point of view, you are the authority on all men. But he is 30% woman, he said. Or were you 70? He was 70% man.

Yeah, my insights and demographics are 70, 30. For your accounts? No, for my energy. Okay. I like this one because I always laugh when I know this actually happened to somebody. I'm walking on the treadmill. Some guy jumps up and yells, you're beautiful that runs off.

Why did he do this? Because she's beautiful and he's nervous. And that's it. Yeah. He watched, we bought the zoo and Matt Damon says, all you need in life is 30 seconds of insane courage and he can change your whole life and he got two seconds of insane courage

and then chicken it out. He's trying to splice it up though. He doesn't want to blow all of his load on the 30 seconds. Yeah. Two seconds of courage. Yeah, because what if he runs out? This one, I mean, this one's just funny. A man told me he was out of water when I asked for a glass of water. Was he trying to kick me out?

It's a pretty genius way to kick somebody out. We're out of water. Yeah. Fresh out. That's amazing. I'm going to keep that in my repertoire. I'm curious to see what you think about this. It seems sort of an age thing to me.

But why do men prioritize their friends over their relationship? Is it gay? He doesn't want to be with you? Yeah, he doesn't like women. Guys, that's not always true. No, it is. You asked me to explain it. No, I think that some men and women get an inordinate amount of energy refill from seeing their friends.

I don't get that. I love seeing my friends, but I don't like need to see my friends. But I also never felt like that. So it wasn't an age thing for me. It was like I love people. Like if I was dating a girl and I was interested in the girl and my friends wanted to hang out, I didn't care about who thought what. If I went to go see my friends, I went to, I wanted to see my friends.

I saw my friends. And if I wanted to see the girl, I saw the girl and I didn't care what either one thought of my decision. It wasn't, like, important to me. I was also very selfish. I was not ready to commit. Yeah. Like,

I dated a guy for years and off and on. I talk about this guy. Like, I always felt like that with him. And then one day he was like, ready to commit to me. You know, it just wasn't,

that was what he was his place in life. Could also like drinking. Huh? Could also like drinking. Yeah. He just, he doesn't want to be bothered with you. I think,

like, I hate to, like, say it, like, in such a mean way. but that is the answer to a lot of girls are always just like trying to break down male behavior. He doesn't want to be bothered with you. And that's not necessarily your fault. That could just be that he doesn't want to be bothered with any relationship.

Or any relationship. Yeah. It's like he just could not be. He's just still in like party mode. I mean, sometimes it never ends. You see guys in their 40s that are still doing that. I would rather go drink and do coke with their friends than go on a date. Is it my turn or yours?

It's yours. Oh, okay. Why are you guys such babies when you're sick? Me? Men. Might not be you. I'm actually a great sick person. You are.

Yeah. Which I think of like my dad and my brother and they aren't little bitches when they're sick, but I mean, we know so many guys that are just like, they get the sniffles and it's like the world is ending. But it could be because they're a little bitch inside all the time and they feel like being sick gives them a reason to let it out that nobody would claim them for. That is so true. The truth comes out. Okay, I feel like this is probably one of the more common things people ever ask us, but I like to get a bunch of different guys as takes.

Agrees to go on a date. I agree to go on a date with the guy. He ghosted me the day of the date and he messaged me two weeks later. What the fuck? That is crazy rude. Yeah, it's annoying. It's one thing to ghost and then to come back around. That's wild.

You think he just wasn't into her? He's just like, I think he had a dick. He had a better option that night. And then that better option got sick of him in two weeks. And now he's back to plan. be. Yeah, don't message that guy back. Of course not.

Was that the question? Yeah, she was just like, why would he ghost me and then follow up with me two weeks later? Why would he? Because he's a selfish prick. In a perfect world, you would set up a date and then not show. But the worst case is he does it to you again. And then you're fucked. That's like a very Samantha sex in the city episode where she wanted to like, her ex

had fucked her up so much. So she was like, I'm going to hurt him this time. And then right when she was about to do it, he was like, so I don't think this is going to work. And then she threw something out. She was like, I was supposed to be the one. But in a perfect world, she would do the same thing. I'm not petty. You know what I mean? Just... You're not petty.

Why is farting acceptable at any point in a relationship? I think that's, everybody's different. I'm not into farting. Me either. Yeah. My wife has never farted in front of me, ever. Really? Neither of I. And you haven't farted in front of her. You guys have had to farted like once. Maybe in sleep? Okay.

But some couples like fart on each other think it's cute. No, it's not cute. Who does that? Ariel and Matt. Okay, well, if you look like her, you can do anything. Ariel, guys, these aren't our friends. They're Ariel Vanneberg and Matt Cutchall.

They're one of those like goofy, he's farting and it's funny. Relationship is not for me. And I love them. I love this girl. Asked to Bansplain, what is interesting about football? Got me. I have no idea. I love it.

I think it's a blast. I'm a huge, like, football fan. Who's your team? I grew up with the Steelers. I'm a Steelers fan, but I like the whole ritual. personally of like being with people but I'll watch a game alone too. Like I just really, really enjoy it.

Yeah, I don't watch football. Is that for you? No. I've tried and it I don't know, I guess it's like any other, any hobby. It makes you forget about your life for a couple hours and that's a good thing no matter what form that comes in. Yeah, look, it's a fun thing to do with friends. It's a nice like vacation from reality.

It gives people a purpose. Yeah. And it gives you a sense of like you attach your ego to something that you have absolutely no control of it whatsoever. And if they win, you get to feel like you won, even though you had nothing to do. You're not in the fucking team. Like, guys are obsessed with football like ruins their night if their team loses. Oh, my God.

You have nothing to do with the team. No, you couldn't have done any better. You couldn't have done any better than you did tonight, bro. Sitting on the couch, watching the game. You played your best. We don't have to answer these, but some of these are very funny. Why are men so stupid? Why do men watch porn together?

What is the deal with the bro hug? What is bro code? Why don't they just chill? Who watches porn with their friends? I didn't know. sex workers on social media. Why can't men communicate? Why do guys still wear boxers? You guys have ridiculous questions. Why men great till they got to be great? That, let's end on that one because that was my favorite. We actually wouldn't end with this. We said

we were going to ask you this. What do you think about cuffing season? Do you feel like the internet made it? Or do you feel like it's a real thing that guys want to settle down when the weather starts to change? Oh, that's been around forever. You think? Yeah. It wasn't called Cuffing season until Fabulous, but his song out, I think. That's all right. You're a rap guy. Also, what happened to Fabulous? We were talking about this time. Oh, yeah, and like Chingy? What happened? I loved Fabulous.

Oh, I don't know. He comes and goes fabulous. He'll always be good, but he's not like a consistent staple in the rap scene because I don't know, something might be wrong with him. So the reverse of cuffing season would be breaking up with somebody because the summer's coming. And I never understood that. I never understood why people.

Why do you think you're getting, you're fucking still ugly, dude? Why do you think you're going to get late in the summer more? I feel like some New York City douchbags would absolutely do that. I know, but they're going to Montau. Yes. It's that guy. It's Montau. He's like, I can't be out Montaukaw with a girlfriend.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if this is one thing that changed the way that I saw everything. Somebody said to me, like, you have very little control over who you fall in love with and when. And that like melted away years of rejection for me because when a girl would reject me, I'd be like, oh, I'm somehow like, I'm not valuable. I'm not worth loving. But I also never chose not to be attracted to a girl. It was just like, I don't know, I'm not into it.

It's not my type. I don't like the way she looks. Their fucking DNA is weird. I don't know. We say that too. Like, when we did this episode called You're Not the One, it was our personal favorite episode, you get so rejected and upset that someone doesn't want to be with you. But how many people have you not wanted to be with?

Everybody. It's just you have to. It's the whole world. How many women, whatever, I'll speak to the women here are out here. Like, I'm so hurt. I'm so rejected. This person I like didn't like me back. It's like, you've done it to someone else.

It's just a big circle. And you didn't choose to. Right. Something about them just didn't get you going. So put your ego away and realize that this person felt the same way about you. Yeah, their DNA was screaming out against you. Right. You're terrible.

All right. Well, Tank, this has been so lovely. Thank you so much. You guys spent a whole day together. We spent a whole day. We're going on hour four. So you guys can check Ashley out on Tank's podcast. When does that come out?

Probably after this. Yeah. Okay. Within the next two weeks or so. All right. And then tell us where we can find you, your Instagram, your podcast. At Tank's and I. Tanks Good News on Instagram, both, Facebook, Twitter,

and then my podcast, the Think Tank podcast, I have people that I'm interested in on, and I just, like, grill them with questions for an hour. Ashley was one of them today. And then the book. Oh, the book. Do we have a date on the book? No, the book is not.

It's just something, it's definitely coming. It's something happened with the first manuscript where it was like, I had to edit it a lot, so it pushed it back a little bit. But it was supposed to be out in November. It won't be out in November. It'll be out soon. Well, you'll let us know. we'll throw a slide. It'll be out for next

stuffing season. Oh yeah. Right in time. Go to bed, angry. Well, thanks so much, thank you. This is really, really wonderful. I had a blast. I've been such a fan of yours from afar, so I'm glad we got to hang out. We're so close. Also, yeah, guys, I'll take us out. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com, Stupid Live Shows.com for our live shows and our merch, new merch coming soon. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram. Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter.

Ash has on Instagram and Twitter. One Hungry Jew on Instagram. changing my Instagram name. I'm going to Instagram on Friday before this episode comes out. So we'll let you know what it's going to be. Spoiler alert. I literally talked about that on Tanks podcast. But I'm changing my? I said you're showing up to Instagram. Knock knock. On Friday. So we'll let you know. We'll let you guys know what it's going to be.

Let you know how it goes. But we'll see you next week, guys. Bye guys. Bye, guys.