Girls Gotta Eat - Can You Be Friends With An Ex?

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

It's just the two of us, and we're finally tackling this long-awaited topic! We're sharing our personal experiences and digging deep into all the areas surrounding being friends with exes. We also read/analyze a very crazy email from a listener about her fiancé and his relationship with his ex. Plus: Recapping our "world tour" (new crushes on the road, which city got the wildest, DM PSAs, etc.) AND a hilarious round of Psycho or Power Move. Enjoy, angels! Follow us on Insta @GirlsGottaEatPodcast and check our website for LIVE SHOW DATES (may still be tickets available in Dallas, Austin, Tampa, and Miami). Thank you to our partners for this episode: Living Proof: Get a free sample of dry shampoo with your purchase at LivingProof.com/gge, promo code GGE. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/GGE60 and use the code GGE60 to get $20 off your first 3 boxes. Hourglass Cosmetics: Get free shipping with the purchase of a Caution Mascara at hourglasscosmetics.com/gge, promo code GGE. FabFitFun: Go to fabfitfun.com and use code GGE for $10 off your first box. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Even like time and distance from somebody doesn't mean anything. We went out to dinner within the first, I don't know, we'd a couple of drinks in two hours. We were making out. We had sex with each other. Oh my God. Yeah. It's this horrible, like emotional thing.

I mean, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. We're back. It's snowing. From our world tour. Yes.

Came from the cold. Back into the cold. We're recording from the house studio on the new laptop. Oh my gosh, big laptop energy. Ashley walked into Apple and just threw down four stacks just like for no reason. Listen, I added this podcast. It's my life. And I was on a smaller laptop.

And I was like, I need that 15 inches. 15 inch energy. Get you some 15 inches. Do you remember the song, Ego, Beyonce and Kanye? No. You got a big ego. No, but sing it to me more. Well, this guy and I used to always joke.

He's a friend of mine. he's going to come to our Dallas show. And he had this massive laptop when we first became friends. And he was like, I got a big laptop. Because that song's basically about a dick, I feel like. Connie's like, I got a big ego. It's like just about your dick. It's definitely a metaphor for a penis or a laptop, whatever.

You got a huge cock on this couch now. Four minutes in, only laptop talk. The fifth out of the day is Apple products. Garage band. All right. Garage fans. If you guys are ever looking for, you guys always email us. I'm like, how do I start a podcast?

I don't know buying a computer and download garage band. Did you see, I got so emotional that I didn't realize, did you see that video recently of John Mayer showing Steve Jobs garage band? Yeah. I didn't know that. The garage band came from John Mayer, basically. I didn't either. Like John Mayer was like, I think Apple should have auto or audio and music editing software

built in. Like, that's so fucking cool. It's also just like, I mean, Apple is like the creators brand. So it's just built into your laptop, like, is the program that we used to edit at the podcast. So there's a good tip of the day. People are always like, I don't know how to do it. Garage band. Garage band.

Get yourself some mics on Amazon and start podcasting today. Yeah, I mean, our mics are fucking awesome and they're just like, they're Amazon basics. Oh, we're so good at everything. Let's advertise another massive company that doesn't need any exposure. Ticketmaster? It's a segue. It's an important sale. I was going to talk about ticket sales next.

Nice. I do not want to, whatever. I'm, I am Mum on Ticketmaster. Anyways, we still have tickets for a bunch of our live shows coming up. We're going to tell you about the ones from last week that we did. But our shows are so much fun. They are so off the rails. Oh, my God.

We tell all the secrets that we refuse to tell. You guys, we really, really do. On the podcast. We have major secrets on at these live shows that I would never say in the podcast. Not because we're trying to keep anything from anybody because we just can't, like, put it out there. I can't say my ex's name on this podcast. I'll say it to the live shows. I'll give you their new girlfriend's Instagram.

Instagram handles. Certified professional life coach. I said something one time in a live show. I said, if you really want to find out this thing, clearly I'm talking about like an ex, you can go back to this certain point in my life on my Instagram. I just blurted it out because I was basically like, next time you want to stock your ex on Instagram,

stalk me. Go back to blank blank and look and people went back. They went back and they found it and I had to delete it because I was like, oh my God. now they're going to message him. I was just like, it's about to go off the rails. Well, if you want to- You guys are crazy.

You guys are crazy. So if you want to know this information, come to the live shows. We have four shows coming up. They still have tickets left. So one of the nights in Austin is still available. There's some tickets left for Dallas, Tampa and Miami. Philly is completely sold out. Three shows.

So, but like... What up? Philly fans? Philly crazy. Some girl's DM'd can you out of fourth show? I was like, no. No, I don't live in Philly. We live in Philly.

We live in Philly. month-long residency. Okay, so, but really, like very minimal tickets. Like, we're recording this a few days before the episode drops. They might be gone. Tampa's very close. So is Dallas. And Boston and Miami. I mean, they're all very close. We just know that they're not totally 100% sold out. So get on it. It's a girls gotty podcast.com slash shows. All the links for the ticket sales are there. You go to our Instagram. We usually update that stuff too. So I'm, the shows are so fucking fine. I know. Please.

So much fun. We want to recap our week. We had a really fun week. Actually, we have called the hypothermia tour. It wasn't even that bad. It was fine, yeah. It was Boston, Chicago, Vancouver. We missed pretty much all the bad weather days there.

We've been pretty lucky. Well, randomly, well, to get this, but it randomly snowed in Vancouver, which I was like, oh, beautiful Canada. People were like, no, this doesn't happen. We don't get snow. It was beautiful. Oh, I love Vancouver. I miss it.

Yeah. All right. Well, let's start the top. All right. Well, Boston was fantastic. Fucking Boston. Crazy fucking people. Boston was, of all the shows we've done.

the most savage audience of like the craziest stuff you've done at a live show. We do laugh Boston for two nights. We had Andrew Collin with us who opened our shows both nights and was a part of our show. Penetrated me with a microphone on stage and mimed weird sex stuff. It was amazing. He's amazing. But I will say Boston is the most savage audience. We had to give a disclaimer on the second night because the first night something happened

and the staff was like, please let your audience know something. We're going to read you the DM. to illustrate just how crazy it was. Yeah, the staff was kind of like, yeah, some shit went down. And we were like, what? We were like all giggling about it. I got this DM.

This came through. So we had shows on Sunday and Monday also. Like, that's how lit these people were, casual Sunday and Monday. Tame's nights of the week. Yeah, Tameous nights of the week. I got a DM from a girl that said, after night one, so after Sunday night,

loved you girls tonight in Boston. Boston turned up so much that some girl the show legit threw up on herself and did not leave the show and pretended it didn't happen. a true fan. The rest of us around her were not amused. That took a turn. Live show edition.

Great show, though. We all loved it and thought you were hysterical. I mean, a true fan. People don't throw up on themselves at Beyonce concerts and stay at Beyonce. I would. I would defecate on myself and be like, I'm not missing crazy in love. Like, I've got to be out here. You're a true fan.

Exactly. That is so crazy to me on a Sunday night. Like maybe like a Thursday. a Friday, but like threw up on the floor and just stayed. Just stayed. That's so crazy. And it was on her person. Boston was lit.

Boston was really fun. Yeah, they were so great. We had a girl that sent us a really funny thing that we read at the live show and she came to the show once we brought her up on stage and that she was so great. We hung out with her and her friend afterwards. Yeah, we just, that is when I talked to the most people that came to the show. Even night one, I was like making friends. Ashley, I didn't talk to Ashley both nights in Boston because she made best friends with fans.

I never saw her again. I met this. But yeah, here's a hot tip. If you're coming to a live show and you have like a crazy, is this weird, this took a turn, send it to us, indicate that you're coming to which live show and Ashley will be your best friend. Right. We met these girls night one after night one and I was like talking this girl, she was so cool and funny and she was telling me how she was like a virgin until she was 24 and I'm like,

oh my God, tell me your story. And she told me, I was like, you should come on the podcast because we get a lot of emails about that. Like I am a virgin and I'm a late bloomer and I just, I love that topic to cover. and this girl was so cool. And I was like, come on the show. I've been looking for a guest for that. I have, like, I'm out of here alone.

She's great. She's very funny. Yeah. So anyway, stay tuned for that. Boston was great. Then we went to Chicago. We stayed at a great hotel there. It's called the Rafael Hotel.

We stayed there last time. We pulled up. I was like, we're back. It felt like we never left. And it's right next to Sephora, which is great for me. And they have, like, a super secret, like, hidden rooftop bar, which I'd never heard of, even though, go to Chicago all the time. Drum bar.

I love the, I love. the upstairs bar. It's kind of hidden. Like, people don't even really know about it. Also, just where it is, first of all, you know what street it's on. What street is it? Delaware Avenue. I always forget this. I love it so much. Like this is where we stay in Chicago. It's on Delaware Avenue, so I feel right at home. It's so close. It's like tucked away, but it's right around the corner from all the stuff. Yeah. Like the Miracle Mile, the river, all that stuff. I walk to yoga one morning. It's really close to everything. It's really close to the water too. It's a perfect location. You know everything about Chicago?

now. I don't have to help you. You know exactly where it was. My Chicago boyfriend. I love Chicago so much. That venue was fucking insane. It's the craziest venue we've ever done. I've been calling it Talia Hall, but apparently it's Thalia Hall. I don't know. I think it's Talia. Who cares? The staff said it was Thalia. Whatever. Just like name things that are easier to say.

That's, those were the nicest, most incredible, most hospitable staff we've ever dealt with. It was so amazing. They have like a, what's the restaurant? What do you say when it's fancy and nice? A Michelin starred? A Michelin starred restaurant. What do you say when it's fancy and nice? Not quick service. And then like speak easy downstairs. Like all of the parts of that place are incredible.

Yeah, I loved it. Most beautiful place we've ever performed. Clean, huge green room. Staff was the nicest staff. And we've had some staff that was less than hospitable. We didn't know that that was going to happen, but we have literally rolled up to places and we're like, can someone just say hello to us or act like they care that we're here?

You're like, fuck you. Get your own drinks. We're like, we sold out the venue and I'm like, we don't care. We don't give a fuck. So did 25 jobs. Fuck you. The show opened with, I found some dancers to perform the single ladies dance. So we had these three guys in leotards and heels, stiletto heels.

The biggest heels of everything. Perform the entire single ladies dance. Like, I still can't believe it happened. Like, you guys know if you know our holiday show at the Grammarry. see theater. We did, we had guys do the jingle bell rock from Mean Girls. And so I was like, how can we recreate this on this huge stage for Valentine's Day? Of course, I had the idea to do single ladies dance and found the people to do it. They were like there. They rehearsed as though. They were like stretching on stage and then crushed it. Crushed it. I think it was

one of my favorite moments of all time. Yeah. For our show, I was crying on stage. I was like, I'm not able to be able to get out on stage after this. And then the venue, remember when we, when we went to do our sound check and warm up, they were like, do you guys want us to like really fucking go ham on these lights and like make it like a real concert. We're like, yeah, whatever. The lights were like, they were altering like purple and pink. And the, I mean, I can't. I still am like shook by it.

Like, that's my dream. And we would love to do stuff like this for every venue. But clearly we can't be doing that stuff at comedy clubs. So it's like when we do these large stages, we like, we're like, let's just fucking do it. Like do something crazy. Yeah. So you never know what's going to happen at a girl's got to eat show. It was one of my more favorite shows.

It was, I just loved it. And the crowd was so great. And we had a guest on the show that Ashley, you know, it's like her new, like boy toy. It's so hot. I can't believe, okay, listen, his name is Zach O Ryan. The O goes with the first name, Zacho. He is so beautiful. I was less funny at the show because it was hard for me to make jokes in front of him.

Okay. Well, here's what's been happening recently. I feel like that I talked to him in advance, a friend of mine who is a wonderful comedian. You guys should check her out. Her name is Amy Shanker. She lives near New York, but she's from Chicago. So that's where she started doing comedy. She's so incredible and so good.

And I go to her with all things, Chicago. So I was like, I need like a hot single male comedian. Do you know anybody? And Amy was like, this guy, Zach. And I was like, looked him up. I'm like, done and done. Also, by the way, he's the only comedian we've ever had on the podcast or a live show that I have not even bothered to look up on YouTube.

Like didn't even care if he was funny. Don't know. Don't care. He walked in. And this is like a third time this has happened to me in the last month where someone, I meet someone, that I already know somebody from talking to them and then they walk, that I meet them in person. And they're even taller and bigger than I anticipated.

And it really shakes me up. Shout out to Krista Stefano. I just thought Krista Stefano was going to be like 510. Well, because his Brooklyn accent makes you think he's shorter than really is. Okay, maybe that's it. He's got what's short guy energy? Yes. He walked in this apartment.

I was like, oh, okay. I like had to take a beat. And then the guy in L.A., who I've talked about before, who is still in the picture, like I had talked to him previously, but that when I met him in person, he was just like taller and hotter than I thought. I was like, oh my God. And then it happened with Zach O'East six, five. He, I had a hard time like recovering from him walking into the room. He walked into the green room, rain over her eyes were like his biggest saucers. I was like, I can't. I like went straight to the bathroom and started like, touching up your vagina. Touching up your vagina. Touching up your vagina.

Touching up your vagina. Putting deodorant on. I was like sweating. I was wet everywhere. Okay, but I promise you we're almost down with his live show shit. But like, Ash and I both had like, listen, the way that you bitches act around men is crazy. I do kind of want to throw in a PSA here. So we brought him up on stage. He did a whole segment with us. We did some of our mansplaining that we like to do. And he was really great.

I don't want this to be all about his looks. He's a very funny, talented comedian. Check him out. He's wonderful. So, and like on stage, we were like super flirty. I mean, we're flirting in real life too off the record. So, but like it was a whole thing. It was like Ashley and Sacco.

We were like playing up this whole flirtation. and it was really fun. It was great. So then some girl screamed out on stage, what does Instagram handle? And I'm like, you fucking sluts. And so I was like, it's the, it's this. I'm not going to say on the podcast.

Find him if you want to find him. I'm not going to do it because you guys are going to slide in so hard. After the show, we're in the green room. He was showing us these DMs. By the way, we're talking with three minutes after the show. Yes. Immediately. So this happened during the show that some girl sent him a nude

and was like, basically her message was pretty much like, I'll blow you. my mouth is here when you want it. Right. She was like, maybe not tonight, but I'm here for you when you want me to be. What? It's funny, but I'm also like, girls.

Like, have we taught you nothing? What are you doing? Like, it's fine if you, if you want to get yours, but like opening a conversation with a guy like that, like you just literally are like, I'm a sexual object and my mouth is here if you want to fuck it.

I know it's really crazy to me. It's crazy. And I'm like, I hate to even like slightly slut shame somebody, especially something that came to our show. I mean, you guys know that's like not what we're about. Also, like this girl.

might have been super drunk. People were lit at the Chicago show. We've all been there where we've sent crazy messages to people that we regretted in the morning. I mean, who knows. But I think when we say stuff like this, like we just, we'd like to address it. And you know that we're all about giving out tough love on this podcast. And at the same time, we're about like, fuck who you want, when you want, on your terms, DM who you want, be bold, live your life, do you, all that kind of stuff. But to me, I don't know, like, DMing a stranger and asking if you can suck their dick. Like, I just, I don't think that does anything for you as a woman. And, just to be on the protective side.

Like, we just want to, like, protect you girls and, and women in general. And that's a, that's a time when guys laugh and make jokes about you with their friends and show their friends this naked picture of you. Also, like, I don't advise any nudes to anyone that you don't know or trust in general. Ashley's just jealous that you reached out of her head. I was pissed. I felt disrespected because that's my man.

That's my man who's not my man. If you look at his Instagram, I've been, like, he posted a picture of us looking at the DM and I wrote like a knife emoji. and I'm like, fuck this. But we went to Vancouver next. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay, last thing. And then I was on our episode.

We went to, hands down the best, the best audience. I mean, I love every audience. I love our, I love our listeners. I mean. Vancouver was like a next level. We did the Just for Last Festival, which is a comedy festival. Look out for tickets this summer. We may be there.

We may be doing their other Montreal edition. Not for certain, but we may. Maybe. Keep a lookout for it. We were at a cabaret both nights. Mateo Lane was our guest. I can't even tell you he's the best guest we've ever had. He's the most talented personal life.

I'll say it. It really is. I don't know anyone more talented than him. If you guys have the opportunity to ever see him live in New York or anywhere, please go see him. Mateo Lane. We stayed for his show after our show. He does like this mix of like cabaret and singing and jokes.

He speaks what four languages. He's an artist. He draws. Like he's so hot. He cooks apparently too. There's nothing he can't do any, and he's so hot and nice. I can't wrap my hand around. I don't know anyone else like this.

I don't either. He, like, busts. I was in the middle of a conversation with him and he just turned to the person who's left and started speaking full fluent French. Yes. Without skipping a beat. And he speaks Italian. I don't, I literally find me someone else that's as talented as him because I can't

think of one person male or female. And the best person ever. Yeah. So anyway, the Vancouver audience, these older people were in the audience because they just bought tickets to the whole festival. So they just came to our show. Six people, three couples. 60 plus.

60 plus. It was crazy. It was the laugh, the hardest. It was the biggest gift. The women were like wearing fanny packs. The men were in their like new balances, like dad's sneakers. With like windbreakers on from like the colleges that their kids went to or their grandkids go to currently. It was crazy.

We made fun of them so hard. I asked this like seven foot tall dad if he likes it when his wife sticks things at his ass. I mean, it's crazy. It was so amazing. Just never know what's going to happen at a live show, guys. You never know. But yeah, it was the audience, the venue, the people from the festival. I mean, if you guys ever have a chance to go to a Just for a Laf's Festival, I think there's

three in a year. There's Montreal, Vancouver, and Toronto, like go. They're just incredible. Yeah, it's all the main comedians from New York and L.A. Yeah. It's really phenomenal. So thank you to everybody who came to the show and we're excited to see you guys at future shows. Yes.

So that being said, we are going to play a clip from one of the shows. You guys ask a lot. You guys are always asking for the, to release the live shows. We're never going to do that. So stop asking. I mean, I think it's going to explain why. Like, the reasons people pay for these shows and there's an experience that you get that, you know, we're not going to just release them for free.

And they're also special and different. Yeah. And, like, we say some of the same stuff, you know, like something. It's like any comedian. They don't release their, it's a comedy show. So we're never released all of our jokes and all our bits. But we love being able to kind of incorporate bits and pieces here and there that we're going to, like we did the Nashville when.

was it? Oh, Bunyan Girl. When she was in Nashville, we played that clip. Bungin Girl. So that being said, we are going to play a clip that we've been using in some of our live shows, and we are officially retiring it. So we're going to play it for you now. All right.

So, we're going to the first email. The first email, the subject line is, can I be friends with my ex? No, next email. Fuck it. No. Look, we may or may not do a full episode on this. We don't fucking know.

But no, you cannot be friends of your ex. Your ex is canceled. They're canceled in 2019. An 18, don't call them, don't text them, don't fuck them, don't tag them in memes. They're canceled. Next time you want to text your ex. Just text your girlfriend. Tell her you're proud of her.

They're done. We're done with them. All right. All right. So if you haven't read the description of today's episode or gathered this from the clip you just heard, we are doing this as an episode finally. We're finally doing it. We're finally doing it.

Yeah. After a year of you asking. Can I be friends with an ex? Here it is. No. Show's over. Sorry, guys. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the intro.

But no, I really am so excited to do this topic. We've wanted to do it for a really long time. We've been talking about it at live shows, so it didn't make sense to do it as an episode yet. But we got this great email and we're like, this is the best intro to this. And we're going to talk to you about whether you can be friends. The next.

It's just us today, guys. It's just us. Yay. You know, I'm excited. I'm so excited. Yeah. This email is, well, we'll read it for you. And I mean, again, this episode is really going to tackle.

and you be friends with an ex and tips and tricks to help you kind of navigate through this. But this email just is along the lines of the same topic. And it's shocking. And I am going to read it right now. So we got this email. I just have to read the beginning. I was thinking about cutting it, but I got to say it. Hi, guys.

I am a native Saskatchewanite. Saskatchewanite. Saskatchewa. Saskatchewa. Who's been living working in the States, blah, blah. I would love for you guys to do a show at either Saskatchewan or West Palm Beach. Saskatchewan.

Okay. My fiancé and I are in a bit of a pickle. I met my now fiancé on Tinder. We began as friends with benefits and it grew into much more. Long story short, we've been dating just under two years and got engaged over the new year. We are starting to plan our wedding and we are having some drama with his ex. To give some background on my fiancee and his ex,

they dated for approximately one and a half years. Toward the end of their relationship, my fiancee's mother unexpectedly passed away. My fiancee is an only child and was not in contact with his father. his ex and her mom helped him through that hard time and helped make the funeral arrangements, etc. Because of this, my fiancees always wanted to remain friends as he sees her more as family than a romantic partner. She likely sensed this and gave him an ultimatum, propose or break up. He chose the latter and moved to another state for his residency program. Okay, she goes, I'm not a very

flamboyant person with relationships over social media, but four months into dating, we went on our first away trip together to his home in Canada, and I posted a picture on Instagram and captioned it, something along lines of so much to be thankful for this year and tagged him in it. His ex, who he'd been broken up with for a year and a half at this point, saw him tagged in the post and flipped out. She has since stalked my Instagram and will randomly comment rude and nasty paragraphs on my post. I've never met her, nor do I care. So I simply delete them and not engage in her juvenile behavior. FYI, she's five years older than me. My fiance has tried to smooth things over with her, but she sees my single Instagram post a year and a half ago as a serious

threat. My fiance mentioned to me that when he started dating her, she used to intentionally post things on social media to aggravate his ex. So she's just like catty and petty. My fiancee still values what's left of their friendship and he has asked her to be his best woman in our wedding. Let's just let that sink in. Truly, I have no problem with this, but I worry that her hate for me could jeopardize our wedding. She, however, is asking for an apology for me. I have never met her or spoken to her in my life. Am I crazy for either A, allowing him to invite her and or be trying to make peace with her after all the drama she's created. I mean, what? I could unpack this from, we could only do an episode about this email. I could unpack this for an hour. This is so crazy.

You've never met this person, but he wants them to be the best woman at the wedding. Get the fuck out of here. It's so wild. It's, I mean, spoiler alert, no, I don't think you can be friends with an ex. but like this girl is being, this girl's not from Queens. Let me tell you, okay. This girl is like a nice, she's like a nice white girl from the Midwest, okay? Yeah.

Because nobody would put up with this shit. I wouldn't put up with this shit. She's a polite Canadian. Yeah, she's too polite. No. We'll do a whole episode about people being with friends with their accent. Obviously, I don't, I don't believe that that is possible.

But, I mean, this is crazy to me. Yeah. You're, your man. I mean, like, today. But like, I mean, you need to tell your man. smooth this out. Well, we're going to get into this. Like, the meat of this email is clearly that they have this history that involves like death of a family member and so all these things. So like, what I think here, like we're not going to take forever in this email. I think the girl's being

pretty chill. This guy needs to handle this. This is on him. Like, it's his poor choice to have this girl in his wedding. I don't think he should at all. I think that should be fucking canceled. Because, and he needs to sit them down. He needs to somebody down. He needs to stage intervention. Whatever needs to happen, this is insane. Like, the girl's really upset about an Instagram post. I mean, she sounds like a crazy person. She sounds super toxic. So just because you were there for somebody during the death of a family member and you, you know, became really close and you supported them and helped them through all these things. Doesn't mean they owe you something. It doesn't mean you get to be a toxic force in their life. It's crazy. No. And from, like, I'm just sort of thinking

about this. Like, you and I are friends. We're certainly not in a romantic relationship. If one of my friends was being horrible to you for no reason at all, I mean, no apparent reason. It was harassing you on social media. Like, I would tell that person you can't be a part of my life if you don't stop this. Like, what are you doing? Right.

And you're not even my romantic partner. If you were my romantic partner, I would look at this as you need to choose between the two of us and you're not choosing me clearly because you're allowing this to happen. Yes, like that's the thing. Like you're, you should,

that's crazy. This is a person that's in your life and you're allowing them to bully me and make me feel bad. Fix this or I'm not going to fucking marry you. Right. Because this is what the rest of our life is going to be like. In my wedding, I have to be around this person.

on the most important day in life. Yeah. And again, like, this girl sounds really just like sweet and rational and like a better person than I am. But like, I mean, you also need to realize you're about to spend the rest of your life with this person. And like they're really going to let their ex just kind of take precedence when it comes to your feelings. That's insane. I will say though, and I stand by this always. I think that it can happen. Sure. But most women do not wake up every day and start acting like a bitch to a total stranger for no reason. So I would ask myself, what is my man doing behind my back and saying to her that is causing her to think that this is okay.

I just don't think most of, well, that's a whole other, yeah. I mean, you're right. Like, wake up and do that. Well, it sounds like she's been doing it since this day. Like, she got mad. I mean, whatever. She could be totally irrational and crazy or, I don't know. Maybe he is still talking to her.

I mean, it's his best woman at the wedding. They're definitely still talking. Oh, they're still talking. They're still friends. Right. But, I mean, talking in a way that's inappropriate. Yeah. And giving her hope.

But she killed, and then again, he's engaged to be married someone else. I don't have much how much hope he could be giving her. I mean, to me, this guy, like, I'm not going to, I don't want to insult somebody, but, like, he, and I mean, I'm not going to outright call him a pussy, but, like, he needs to figure this out. Yeah, I wouldn't even want this person at my wedding. At the wedding, nevertheless, standing up there with you. That's, no. This is the most insane thing I've ever heard of.

When I was reading this email, my head was spinning. Sorry, no. Up there at the altar. No. At the altar. Like, we all, our significant others have all, I've all been friends with people that we didn't like. and like you certainly wouldn't let a guy

the only reason why she's even trying to like be cool about this and she doesn't want to be called crazy. If there was a guy friend, she'd be like, fuck him, no. If there was like a guy friend that she hated that was like on drugs or a scum bag or something, she'd be like, no. She's just trying to not have him call her a crazy, psycho, jealous piece of shit.

This is crazy. What if the roles were reversed? What if she was like, I want my ex-boyfriend to be my groomsmaid or whatever they call him, bridesmen. Groomsmaid. Bridesman. That's what they call him.

when you have a guy up there. Like, girls don't only have guy friends and shit. Hey, fiance, I want my ex-boyfriend to stand up there while we say our vows because we used to be really close when I was going through a hard time. When he was penetrating me, we were close. No, sorry. And I think that one of the, so obviously we're going to do it up for doing this episode, but like I think that you keep me like we're going to do an episode.

I'm like, this is the episode. Because I just want to talk about the email. I think that like the takeaway for me is that like there isn't a one size fits one for exes in a relationship. There are some exes you can be friends with. After a period of time, I think that we'll talk about, like, how you can be friends with somebody. There's not like a one solution for everybody. Sure, there's some exes you can be friends with, but this just sounds like a toxic situation. The answer's no. Right. Like, this is a toxic person in your life. I mean, this guy needs to figure this out. Like, I mean, again, way easier said than done, but I'm hesitant

to marry this guy until this shit gets figured out because I'm like, this is a glimpse into what our life is going to be like. Well, if you can't even stand up for me against somebody who's clearly like terrorizing me. Yes. Like how am I going to like walk into life with you and other problems? Yeah. This girl needs to stand up herself. But as far as their past and what binds them together and what obviously makes him

and her think that they should still be friends, we're going to really dive into that. I loved what you were saying, by the way, where you said that like, you know, the thing that binds them is the loss of the parent and sharing this experience. Yeah. And I think that that's one of the most normal and natural thing. after a breakup is we look at our previous relationship, we do this inventory and we're like, there's all these reasons that bind me to this person.

And it can be like, I mean, it can be as simple as like, I want to numb the pain by remaining friends. It can be that we have all the same friends. It can be something nice that, you know, I want to make sure they're okay. Or it can be something kind of shitty. Like, I want to make sure they're doing shittier than me.

I want to make sure they're not okay. Just got to keep tabs to make sure they're fatter and less successful than I am. That's about personal. I think it's super natural to make this inventory of things and be like, okay, here's all the reasons I want to remain friends with the person. I'm not saying that you can't. I just think that, like, it's very messing.

It's hard. And I'll talk about why I think that. But I thought maybe be good if we shared our experience. And like, if you have an ex you've been friends with or not been able to be friends with. Right, right. Again, I get into this a little bit more at the live shows in our safe space. My quote, and I'll just say it right up top, not up top, we're like fucking 45 minutes in, I'll say this midway through the episode.

I think you can be friends with an ex. I don't think you can be friends with the ex. And you all know who that is. And most women have this person, not everybody. I strongly believe that most people, a lot of people, a lot of my girlfriends, there's this person that you were in love with and that broke your heart in some way. or vice versa, but let's just say you're the one that got heartbroken. And you can't be friends. That's the person.

That's the guy. And it doesn't matter how long ago it was. It's so crazy because sometimes I'll find myself talking to my girlfriends and they're like, they still get triggered by that person from 10 years prior. Like you're not crazy if it still triggers you or if you still have this emotional reaction to this person. Like you're not silly that it was five years ago and you still feel this certain way. Or like you were saying, like you might be married to somebody else.

I'm very happy. It still can happen. Exactly. So I think everybody has this person. You know who it is. If you don't have them yet, they're coming and they will rip you apart. Or and by and by and by myself. I mean, I had a relationship that we both fucked each other up.

You know, we both ended up heartbroken at the end of it and throughout the relationship. So that's the person I don't think you can be friends with. And like I'll share my, I'll share my experience with that person. but I'll say this up top that like any other ex I could be friends with. Like I had a guy that I dated for way longer than the ex that I speak about. Like years and years, I've talked to him. We were long distance. We met in college.

We were off and on for six years. Like I would love to see him and be friends to them. I think if he still lives in St. Pete, he can come to our Tampa show. He can bring his wife. He can bring his kids if he has some. Like I'm like, I'd love to get drunk with you guys. Like I genuinely feel that way about all the other people I've dated in my entire life. And I mean, we're going to get into you and your ex that you guys are like fucking buddies.

It's weird. But like, to me, I'm like, yeah. But when it comes to that person, it's so difficult and it's so messy. And I talked about this before on the episode of getting blindsided where I kind of did reconnect with my ex and he was with somebody new. And I think we both just like missed each other so much as not even romantic partners. I don't really know. You know, I don't know exactly what was going through his head.

I personally don't feel like that I wanted to be back with him or even that I wanted to like sleep with him given the opportunity. It was just missing the person and missing the friendship. And that person knows you better than anyone. They know you on a level that no one else does. They have seen you laugh the hardest, cry the hardest, be the most vulnerable. They've seen you naked. They've seen your butthole. They've seen everything.

They know you so much better than anyone else because they know you as a friend and as a like intimately. Right. And I think that the problem is when that ends, people are like, like, where does the love go? It's like a sex in the city. It's like, you know, I have all these things with this person. But like the reality is the chemistry might still be there. And you might still feel like you want to laugh with this person and you're attracted to them. But the nature of your relationship is not the same anymore.

So you are not friends. Especially if somebody has a new partner, you know. And so I think where you get tripped up and like I've said this before that this person and I kind of started to get back into this friendship where we were talking every day. and then I got very blindsided by an engagement. Sorry, I don't want to laugh at you. For me, well, also, to be clear, there's obviously a whole lot more to this story. I share more of it on the blindsided episode.

And obviously, there are stuff that I will never share for his sake. But you best believe I have the receipts. But anyway, no, I mean, we kind of did this attempted friendship thing, which, again, is probably just kind of like bullshit anyway, because I think there was more than friend feelings on, both sides, but the way that it all ended kind of leaves me looking back on him is just not really like a very honest or trustworthy person, which is kind of a bummer because that's someone that I loved and I really did think of as like family almost. And you just don't want to have to look back

on somebody like that in your life is like, man, this person really wasn't my friend or didn't really care about me even as a friend. And so, you know, that was just kind of my experience. And I think we probably both knew that, you know, it was going to end badly, but I think there was a better way to handle it. And I just don't, it's a bummer that attempted, let's be friends or whatever it was, kind of ended with me not looking back on him in a positive light. And that's just kind of where I am now. And, you know, I don't wish ill.

I don't know what the word. Like, I wish him well. But that's just kind of where I am. And that's why I don't really recommend trying to attempt this friendship with this person that you know who that is for you. and on that note, like what I wanted to say, what I want to really hammer home is I think that where we got caught up and where a lot of people get caught up with their ex is like,

you just have all these like inside jokes. You almost have this like language that you speak with this person. This person knows you on such a different level. At least this was my experience, better than anybody else. They know everything about you. Like they know what you were like as a kid. They know your family. They know your pets.

They know all these things and what makes you laugh and what makes you sad and all that. And it's like you want to like talk to them about certain things. and when you first break up, you're like, well, we have all these inside jokes. I just have to tell him this. You, like, see something on the street that reminds you of them. You're like, I have to send this to him. But don't, just don't. Like, find somebody else to send it to.

And like, aside from the inside jokes and the TV shows you watch together and all these things that you shared, you also leaned on this person for things. Like, maybe you always talked to them about what was happening at work or issues you were having with your family or all these things. So it's like you have these inside jokes. And on top of it, they're the person that you lean on. I think you just feel really alone. You want to fill this void.

and that's the hardest part is feeling this void of this person and just being like fuck it all. Like I'm just going to text him or I'm just going to send him this joke or I have to tell him what happened at work or my car's broke down. Like I don't know who else to call. But women and men get wrapped up in this just void of this person that's missing. And I mean, what else to say is just like don't give into it. Like text your friend pictures of your dog that you used to text your ex.

Like send those funny memes of your inside jokes to someone else. like strengthen another relationship or strengthen the relationship that you have with yourself. Like lean on yourself. Like when something terrible happens, like figure out how to work on it from within or lean more on your family or there's all these other opportunities to really turn inwards and strengthen your relationship with yourself and also with the other people around you that you had with this X that you don't need to have anymore and you shouldn't have anymore because it's only going to, I think, end badly. But I think I, you know, when this was happening to you and like me as an outsider looking in, like obviously,

like you look at your friend going through this and you're like, well, I know this is going to end badly, you know, but like I looked at you with him and I thought, and you didn't, I mean, I said this before, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't a sexual nature to this. Right. I was joking around. But I saw how happy it made you and I saw that you enjoyed the jokes and the silliness or his advice about something. But the reality is you are not friends with this person. Right. And the primary indicator of this is that, you know, this is not a typical friendship. He wasn't discussing his relationship with his significant other with you. Right. He just omitted it. And that is the primary indicator that you are not friends with this person. You're totally right. And it's a different

nature of a relationship. And, you know, this person can be a part of your life and you can think, yeah, maybe we could just be friends, but you're not hiding the primary part of your life. Yeah, it's so true. And I think that's such a great call. Thank you. And I think that like, you know, you look at relationships with exes and I mean, it could be really great, but there are more negative qualities. And, you know, you look at them and I think like this is always going to be a relationship that is a little less emotionally supportive. It's less helpful to you. you trust them less. They're less concerned with your happiness.

They're taking from you the parts that they used to like from your relationship, but they're not dating you anymore. So they're not getting any of the bad stuff from you anymore either. And that's an imbalance as well. Right. I always have to make a clear. Like, I will never, ever be the person that initiates this type of friendship with an ex of mine that has a new person because I wouldn't want somebody to do that to me.

So, like, I've dealt with this. This was with my ex, the one that I mentioned that lives, like, in St. Pete, Tampa, that like we were friends, just casual friends off and on. And he just emailed me one day and was like, Ashley, it's like kind of problematic that we still keep in touch because of my girlfriend and she's jealous. And I was like, say no more, fam. Like, I get it.

And I would hope that my boyfriend would do the same. Like, I never want to do something that would bother me if it was happening on the other side. So like I just feel like your relationship is kind of sacred and it should be your priority. And when I had reconnected with my ex, that was on him. He was the one calling me every day. Like, let's be clear. And the second he would say, hey, this is a problem in my relationship, I'd be like, cool,

see ya. Best of luck with everything. Like, I do think you. Yeah. And like people get, I think people get really shady with that. And they want to like talk to their exes and do these things. And it's like, you're totally right. If there's any secrets that are being kept, there's a problem here.

And even if you can be just friends, like the truth is your friendship is never fully separate from your romantic relationship because you had one. Right. You know, he's not discussing his girlfriend with you. He's using you for the parts of the relationship that he used to like. And he doesn't, he doesn't owe you. you anything and that sucks too you know like he doesn't have to be there for any of the bad stuff and he gets to go back to his girlfriend and of course we're talking about somebody that's already

in a relationship that's not and we're talking about people in general like right i mean i think my situation your situation like i mean i want you to share your story too with your main ex like you communicated for a little bit and i think you knew like this is not gonna no not my main ex the guys engaged to we never spoke again well for like four years oh for yeah but then not too long ago yeah So we, I mean, when we, I mean, that was somebody I've lived with for three years. I'm not saying like your relationship was less serious. I just know that you guys like drag. You guys, I think there was no like definitive thing.

He didn't leave you the day before your engagement, the day after you gave from party. Absolutely. I mean, yeah. And there's just a lot of every relationship is so different. So again, like I was just kind of like sharing my story. But I just, like, I'm just giving credit to you where I want to say like there there wasn't one terrible thing that happened where you never had to talk to him again. Like I think you guys, it dragged out longer.

There wasn't one long definitive thing with me. him, it just, I mean, he left me the day after our engagement parties. Yeah, we didn't talk for like four years. Um, we reconnected last year, like this month last year. Um, and I remember, it all just came back to me. I was just sitting at home like so fucking tense. I was like Poppinsanax. It was like, I couldn't handle it. But like, you know, here's the perfect indicator of like, you know, even like time and distance from somebody doesn't mean anything. We went out to dinner within the first, I don't know, we had a couple drinks in two hours. We were making out. We had sex with each other. Oh my God. Yeah. It's horrible, like emotional thing.

I mean, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. I mean, and I'm not saying, like, don't have that, like, post-mortem situation with somebody. That's not the same as being friends with someone. Yeah, you can go and have a post-mortem at some point. That's fine. And, like, but, you know, it fucked me up for a long time.

It wasn't every day. I was fucked up or I wanted to get back together with him. But, like, you know, it reopened this weird wound. We're like, we were texting each other and we were drunk. And, like, talking on the, phone and like making plans to see each other again. And it's like that, nothing good comes from seeing this person. It just like reopened a wound. I thought it had healed half a decade ago. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So yeah, I would not recommend maybe that course of action. But I guess in

your head you weren't like, we're going to be friends. Like you knew that. No, that's not. I mean, I wasn't ever pursuing a friendship and neither was he. Yeah. I mean, we both were like, yeah, we can't be in each other's lives. Yeah. This is not good. But like, my other ex after him, and we are friends today. Yeah. You are. I mean, he and I are friends now.

I mean, it is what it is. This is how we dated for about a year after that and then on and off for a long time. We just sleep together. But yeah.

Significant relationship. In a year is a long time. I mean, we were in love. You know, we were extremely close and we are today. But like,

I don't think we, like, even we broke up. And then after we broke up, we stayed on the phone to, like, shoot the shit for an hour. Like, I don't think we were in love. buddies. And then for a year after that, we like fucked every time we saw each other, but like,

it's a totally potonic relationship. It's very funny. But, you know, I definitely use that as a crutch to not date other people for a long time. And I think that, like, that's another thing that comes up when you think about being friends with an ex is like, are you using this as a crutch? Or is it preventing you from meeting other people? Like, yes, it is. After we broke up, I talked to him every day for a year. Yeah. And I wasn't discussing like my romantic relationships with him. And I don't know. I put it in place of finding somebody else. And yeah, and I was like, ask yourself why you even want to be friends with your ex. And is it, we said that earlier.

Like, what are the reason you just want to like, you want the attention or you want to fill this void? You want to, you want to not feel lonely. And it's like, do whatever you want to do. Like, you're going to, you guys are going to do what you're going to do. But like, don't complain that you're not moving on and that you feel hurt and you can find somebody else or vice versa. Like, the longer you drag out this pseudo friendship, the longer it takes for you to move on. And you're so right.

And that's the hard reality that is like, it's a harsh thing to swallow. But like, it was because I was just lonely and I wanted the attention. That's all it was. And it probably was the same thing on it. It's all I don't enjoy him. I enjoy him. I talk to him today. He's great.

But, like, I was just lonely and bored. And like, that's what it was. It wasn't like I wanted to be with him. And it prevented me from dating other people. So what makes me laugh is like my relationship with my ex is what I was just talking about. It's so platonic. Like, you would read through our conversations to be like, these people have never.

slept together. Never fucked. But the thing is, we fuck every time we see each other. Like, we, we have, we literally,

we can't be in the same room. We just fuck. Like, yeah. But it's so platonic. But like, it's so weird. I don't know.

Like, you just, you like, I love that you were like, I was never in love with him. And that's what makes a difference. And him with me, you know,

like neither of us was ever in love. It's such an interesting relationship. And like, look, to be completely honest, the, the ex that I compare to him is my, like, longer,

long distance ex, the one that, And I mean, I could, I could fuck him. It would be nice and silent and missionary, just like you and your... Same! And just, you know, it would be penetration. That's what it would be. Do all the exes go to some place where their, like, minds are erased?

And it's just like they're only given, like, one sex position. Well, we just never had an exciting sex life. Yeah, same. So, but I still think he's probably very attractive. I always found him very attractive. And so, yeah, I'm sure we could just, like, have sex and send each other funny text or memes a couple times a week and I would never think I would not carry any weight, you know? Yes, but I will say on the other side of the coin, I want to ask you like what you think about

this. Like when your ex has a significant other, are you talking to them? Are you trying to be friends with them? Like, because personally like when this guy, this guy I'm talking about did date somebody for like about a year or a year and a half and we cold turkey stopped talking. Absolutely. And I will always respect that. Yeah. And I mean, he's a good guy and was honest and told me that he started dating somebody and that is the last time I contacted him until he's, told me that they broke up because like I don't want to be friends with them. And when I have a relationship,

because when I'm in a relationship with somebody, I don't want to be friendly with my ex because I think that it is really easy to fall into this pattern where you sort of like romanticize the things that you miss about a person because you're no longer confronted with all their shitty horrible habits.

Right. And like it can really fuck you up. Yeah. I'm either way. So like are you going to be, would you, I don't know if you have anybody and you can think of up, but like if you were in a serious relationship,

would you try to be friendly with an ex? Oh, if I was in the relationship. Yeah. Like this guy in the email. No. I mean, like, you know, I thought about this before, like, when my ex and I broke up, like, I still feel like he really relied on me for a lot of things. And, like, even though I lived here, he wanted to talk all the time and he was just

kind of like in a bad place. And he was like continuously, like, really just needing me where I felt like he needed, like, needed me in his life. And like, I thought to myself, I'm like, what if I get a boyfriend? what am I going to do? Because I still care about him. I don't just want to cut him off. Like, am I going to have to stay friends with them and hide it?

Luckily, it never happened. Like, he moved on. He found somebody else before me, which is how I prefer that because I think I'm a stronger person. But, like, I thought about that. I'm like, what am I going to do? Like, I don't have anybody in my life. I don't have any exes in my life that I'm friends with now,

though, that I need to keep a relationship with. So it doesn't, it's not, it's a non-issue for me. But it is, like, you're a good person. I think that this probably creeps into a lot of nice people's minds, which is like, I'm worried about this person. And like, I want to be there for them and I want to protect them. But you are no longer they're protected. That's over.

And you don't, and like, you don't owe them anything. You don't. Relationships over. Let me ask you this. What have you started dating somebody? And they were like, I don't like you talking to your ex. And you'd have to be like, I can't explain to you enough that like, like, there's nothing there. And they'd be like, but didn't you just sleep with them like a few months ago?

And you'd be like, yeah, but listen, that's what's the point. Like, I can't. stress enough that there's nothing there. You know how I know that you have no feelings for me? Because he DM'd me. And you, like, if my ex, like my ex-X DM'd you, I don't even want to know what I would do. And so the fact that he DM'd me,

he says something about Doritos because I said, you guys know I love Doritos. You know I love nacho cheese. He just, like, slid to my DMs, and he was like, not cool ranch, which is, like, funny, but, like, has a tint of flirty. Yeah, it's flirty. He slides into Dera's DMs all the time.

about Taco Bell fire sauce. You don't care at all. You could give a fuck at all. Like I used to think it was funny. Like every once in a while, like we would, we would exchange like a DM here and there when he was with this girl. So I mean, I guess to say we never talk for you enough.

But like, it would be like, hey, did you watch this documentary or hey, have you been to this restaurant? I mean, like, if she had seen those DMs, she would be like, did you guys ever date? Like, it is just, I mean, there's nothing. They are. Vanilla DMs I've ever seen. We fucked like two weeks ago.

It's just like, there's just nothing there. I don't know. It's such a fun relationship to have. Like, I think about that. I'm like, I would love to have that with an ex. Just like have him on call, like, as a booty call. But I will say, he told me that our relationship caused a problem with her. For sure.

Yeah. Because you're so great. Well, he said. That was the issue with my ex. Same exact thing. He was like, we were long distance. This is a crazy story. He moved to Atlanta when I lived in Atlanta for another girl.

Yeah. Which was nuts because I would have loved to get drinks or lunch with him. As total friends, I had zero feelings for the guy anymore. And he had to be like, I wish I could see you. But I have my ex or my girlfriend is super jealous and she knows who you are. And it's a problem. And I'm like, good luck with that. A year later, he called me and was like, we broke up.

I'm like, shocker. But I think that like probably, like, I don't blame that girl for being like, you know, clearly they got along and they had a good friendship. And like, I don't want to go up against that. Right. I don't want them to open that door. because, like, I know when I see an ex, I'm probably going to sleep with them.

Like, almost never in the history of time when you see an ex, do you, like, have a couple of drinks and not fuck. Right. Like, I know what happens when you see your ex. I don't want to go up against that with my man and his ex-girlfriend. My ex. He went to,

he got invited to a wedding with, and that his ex was going to, mutual friend. Okay. Neither of them got dates. She had a boyfriend. I wasn't worried about her. He had me. And I'm like, you can go.

That's fine. That's fine. I know they're going to be the same table. Are you kidding me? And like, you know, I'm so crazy. And I was like, but there's nothing I can do here. Like, I don't have a leg to stand on. Like, go to the wedding. I was like, I will be watching these Instagram stories like a fucking hawk. And the second I see that wedding start to wind down, I am timing your arrival back home. I would, you know what I would do is I would look at the geo tag for the location and look at every single person's story. Of course I was. In the entire room, every person's Instagram story. I'm not stopping. It's just hands. And I was like, once I stopped. And I was like, once I stopped. like the wedding winding down. I'm like looking at my watch right now. I'm like, mm-hmm. You call it. You better be home in 30. You call the venue to see what time the out time was. I checked what time the DJ was booked until.

And he came home and he like recapped the wedding for me and it sounded so fun and I was so bummed that I didn't get to go. But I was like, yeah. I mean, would I want you to get lunch with her? No. I mean, they're going to fuck at lunch. I'm just kidding. I do that there's situations where like people could be adults, I guess.

maybe I'm not one of them. But like I just, yeah, I mean, a wedding is a different thing. Like it's an event that you have to be with the person at. And like, yeah, obviously you should be able to trust your partner that they're not going to fuck their ex if they're around the person for an hour. But it happens. Well, and then let's be clear, you know, one of my other exes, I went to his wedding. So we're obviously cool.

We talked about that episode. I like to offer examples of when this has worked out. And again, like what we do in this podcast, as you guys know, is we don't tell you how to live your life. We provide our experience and our thoughts and our advice and send you out into the world. So, I mean, I think that there are, I'm thinking of a couple that we had on, the open relationship couple, I'm sure they can all be friends with their exes. They're super highly evolved. They've tried to get rid of their entire ego. Like, you know, everybody's different. And my, so my best friend, Corey, she dated a guy all through high school, like very serious relationship,

like super in love. And he's a good guy friend of mine too. And, and he's a good guy friend of mine too. And they dated and then they broke up, like, when I think she was already in college for years. They broke up at like 19. He was 20. I mean, maybe 21. So this wasn't just like a total like middle school young relationship. I mean, still very young. But he kind of hurt her.

I'm not going to say all what happened. She was very upset. She was very, very heartbroken. Got so skinny. We lived in doing beach. Every day. I wish for that. So not a great breakup.

But their families were so intertwined. like their moms were like best friends like and so years later so now we're like 1920 like I think even like 25 26 so not so later in life but when we were later in our 20s we all went to his wedding and like she had been friends with him for years like not hanging out but like friends on Facebook totally cool his wife he had a kid with this girl and then they got married we were all at the wedding Corey's entire family like mom sisters like it was it was kind of this beautiful thing to know that they had this really serious years long relationship again it was in high school. So I guess you can kind of brush it off as like younger and being immature and it's

easier to get over. But enough time had passed. Corey had fully realized that was not her guy. She had not yet met her now husband. But she knew that he wasn't for her. She was happy for him and his new wife. And we went to their wedding, you know, and like they're able to be totally to be friends. The families are friends. And I think sometimes enough time passes and feelings go away and they change completely. And you can be friends with a serious ex. Yeah. And I like this message. And I don't, I mean, I do think it can happen. You can be friends with it next. Like if you choose you want that, like I think that it absolutely can happen. I just think it's a process.

I think it doesn't happen overnight. I think it can take years. It did take years for me and this other ex to like sort of figure out where we stood with each other. And, you know, now he can talk to me about somebody that he's dating. It took me a couple years to want to hear that stuff, you know? Yeah. It can take you, I think, a lot of physical and emotional distance from the person.

And that's good. You should take it, you know? And if that means blocking the person for three months on social media and not looking at them, that's great. You don't have to wake up tomorrow and be ready to be friends. I think some people are like, I really want to stay friends with you. And it's like, we can't be, you know, tomorrow. I love what you're saying and is a very solid indicator.

Like, can you hear about their partner? Like, whether they have one or put yourself in a hypothetical, hypothetical situation. So like, let's compare our exes. Like, my years long, long distance X. Again, happy to hang with his wife. Right. Like, be friends with them. Again, if you're listening, come to our time.

Tampa show, you can be on our guest list, you bring the wife, we're friends, my other ex, like, no, I can't, I never could. Like, when we were reconnected, I was like, I don't want to hear about your relationship. It, like, it brings me, like, I feel hurt by it. I feel anxiety. And I've moved on from this. This isn't somebody that I want to be with, but it still triggers me. Meryl, Merrill has a very same situation where she's great exes that she's still cool with. And then the one ex that, like, broke her heart years ago, five years ago, the thought of her, some girl came up to us in a bar and was like, I used to date your ex, which was crazy.

I would have to leave. This girl came up to her and was like, I'll give Merrill's ex a fake name. Jeremy. Jeremy Jacobic. No, some girl came up to her in a bar. She listens to the podcast and she was like, are you Merrill?

Oh my gosh, I used to hook up with Jeremy. And Merrill was like, what the fuck? Like, this is a guy that's been broken up four or five years and Merrill's completely clearly over that relationship. And that really shook her up. It would rock me. And so I don't want to hear about it.

And that's how you know. ask yourself if this person is with somebody else or whether they are or hypothetically, do you want to hear about it and be happy for them? If the answer is no, you cannot fucking be friends of them and don't even try it. Right. Because you know how it makes you feel. Like are you going to walk away from this instance and feel worse about yourself? Is the wound to be open? You can't be in that person's life and there's nothing un-evolved about you if you can't do it. And like, yeah, now I'm at a point with this person where like, I was asking, I mean, he was telling me about his breakup. So obviously like, I don't, it's gossip for me. I like it.

But I was like, you know, tell me how much more terrible she was than May. No, I mean, he doesn't say anything terrible about her. But I was like, you know, are you dating? Are you going on dates? How are you meeting girls? And like, I genuinely wanted to know. Totally. We're not together.

We're never going to be together. I mean, you'll fuck. But he's, his dick is so nice. I cannot have sex with him. I love him. What? I can't believe how much you love him. I have such a crush on him.

And I just love it because you told me so much about the sex being boring that I'm like, I got to find out for myself. Wait, is he in New York right now? Oh, yeah, he's going to be here this weekend. And you're out of time. Yes. Can you imagine? I would never do that.

I'm trying to like genuinely think if I would be mad if you guys would. I read, I would never do that. You're not going to enjoy it. She's telling you. I honestly think I should do it so we can compare notes. If you got him to make a noise when he came, I would be so pissed. That's where I draw the line. I would be so angry at you. Can you imagine I fuck your ex? And I'm like, I'm not scared to tell you that I fucked your ex, but I'm scared to tell you that he said one dirty talk.

Yes. I uttered the words, this feels so good. I would be so pissed at you. The podcast would be over. Like, I don't have to lie to you that I fucked him, but I do have to lie about the one peep he made during coming. If he said I'm about to come, I would be so mad at you. I'm going to do it. Stay tuned for the intro next week, guys. Ashley's going to fuck this. No, whole episode. The episode titled Ashley fucked Raina's ex, break the internet. Subtitle, the podcast is over. Last episode. It's been nice knowing you guys.

Oh, my God. You guys think that's as funny as we do? I know. I hope you do. But I think if I have one piece of advice, like I've said this to you before that some of the jokes and stuff that I used to kind of share with my ex, like you and I share now. know what I mean? Like he wanted, he would always, like, he had so many pictures of me as a kid

on his phone, like, when I was such a brat and like a crazy devil child. And now you do. And now you send them to me. And I framed one for your new apartment. Just FYI. I was okay, that would be gift. I might buy my own shelf just so that I can give that its own shelf. And I think, you know, it doesn't, I just think that's where a lot of people get tripped, tripped up, where they're like, I can't not share this thing that happened with my ex and you open the door and it's like keep the door shut tell somebody else like lean on your girlfriends find a new guy like I don't fucking care none of this shit's sacred when you break up with somebody none of that shit is sacred if you had used to have an inside joke or a sacred or a date night activity or whatever

with your ex do it with the next person who cares right I know and that's probably the hardest part of it all is like this funny you're right this I'm walking on the street and this thing happened this is the only person that I want to tell it or on a deeper level the family stuff like the you know, that is tough. Somebody that helped you through a death of a family member or, you know, and I think with Corey, that was her experience of like, I mean, her dad passed before her and our friend Ronnie started dating, but like he still was just there for her during a really tough time of her, you know, grieving her father and all these things. And so I just think that's the tough part. Aside from the inside jokes, it's like the, this person was there for me in a really hard time in my life

and how do I just throw it away? And I just, I think you can keep that person in your heart. Like, I know it sounds so fucking cheesy. But, like, there's, like, some dumb quote that's like, I carry your love with me. It's like, you can keep them in your, like, heart forever. Like, you don't act like they're trash. I mean, sometimes they're trash. But I think you can be like, this was a very important person in my life.

And I will always have love for them. But, like, I need to not communicate with them in order to move on on both sides. And then maybe one day will reconnect or not. Yeah, I love all this stuff you're saying. I'm just taking it in. I think it's great. And I think that, like, just because you, you used to have all these feelings and these shared experiences doesn't mean that you're going to

have them going forward and you broke up for a reason. And you know, you might really want to reach out to that person when something happens and, you know, sit there and cry about it. It sucks. I get it. You know, but like rekindling this or opening the wound is certainly not going to make you feel better about anything that's going on in your life and what you're going to talk to the person and then why, like, nothing good is going to come from it. Right. I know. And it's just so crazy to me like I just can't. Like if you're kind of on the other side where you're like, well, I want to, my ex and I broke up and we've stayed friends and now he's a new girlfriend and it's like damage in our relationship.

It's like, yeah, would you want to be on the other side of that? Then no, let him go. It should be though. Like, if your ex finds someone new, then you should not be buds anymore. Right. It should damage your relationship. That means he's a good guy. Right.

Yeah, exactly. Like, I mean, that's totally fine. Like, I mean, my best guy friend, like, yeah. I mean, if he had found a girl that didn't like us being friends, that's a whole different story. But if we had a history, yeah, she has a right to not want us to hang out. Yeah, we've gotten emails from girls. that are like, you know, my ex has a new girlfriend.

He keeps reaching out to me and I don't know what it means. It means he's a fucking scumbag. That's what it means. And it means that he is taking everything he can from you and all the attention that he gets from you. And he's giving you nothing in return. He's still dating somebody else. You are not that person's friend.

Right. Sorry. I know. It's totally true. And it's just like people get back together with their exes all the time. I mean, whatever. Again, that's not a yes or no thing either. That's every situation is different.

And people break up and they get married and it's fine. They have families. but like, yeah, I mean, do not talk to that person. That's so crazy. Your ex is reaching out to you and he has a new girlfriend. What the fuck? Right. That's just somebody being a scumbach.

That person doesn't want to be with you. If they wanted to be with you, they would be with you. Yeah. Like, sorry. I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I mean, I think that, I don't know. I think there's, that's a person that, the guy that's doing that or the girl that's doing that.

That's someone that needs to check their own life out because why are you reaching it? You're not getting what you need in your relationship. So you're reaching out to the person you were with prior. Like, no, absolutely not. Yeah. It's so selfish. It's selfish because, like, I saw it happen to you.

And I saw that, like, the friendship aspect of it made you happy. And I don't think you were pursuing a romantic relationship. But it was selfish. And I didn't like seeing it happen to you. You know, and I don't think that you did anything wrong. Oh, I just think that was that person being selfish. Yeah, exactly. All right.

Well, I love these episodes with Jess. I think we, like, do a topic. I feel like I said my truth. Yeah. You feel like you said your truth about this? I do. I'm glad that we did this topic. I wanted you for a long time.

And for that girl from the original email, like, fuck that. You're being too nice. This is your wedding day. Yes. You tell them what you want. You get one wedding day. And I just like, I hate that other girl's mindset. I hate it because I know what it is, unless there's something we don't know that's going on.

That's crazy behind the scenes. But if we know what we know, that's a crazy person that is thinking in her head. I helped you get through the death of your mother. I helped you get through the death of your mother. And now you owe me a friendship despite you marrying someone. else. It's so selfish. And like, why would you want a toxic person like that in your life anyway? No, why would your man

allow it to go on? Ask yourself that. I know. I'm a little worried. Well, to do a where are they now on them? Yeah, if you guys could follow up and let us know if you got married. I hope you do. Anyways, should we do like one last segment or we like lighten it up and joke around a bit? Yeah. Want to psycho or power move? Let's do psycho or power move.

I love it so much. We'll just do like a couple brief ones. Okay. All right. We haven't done this in a while. I'm really Email one, what we've been doing at the live shows. These are so funny. The ones we read at the live shows. Sorry you guys don't get to hear that. Come to the live show just for this segment.

We had a guy that texted me that we've been using at the live show. Shocking. It's crazy. Shocking. Anyway, okay. First email. Hi there.

I'm coming to your live show in Boston and I have a psycho or power move if you're doing that segment. We did do it, but sorry we didn't do it then. We're doing it now. Okay. I was dating this guy once and he thought that I was still texting with my ex. I was.

that I broke So on branch for the episode that I broke up with him for. Okay. So one night he freaks out and demands to see my phone. I refused on principle. Nobody has the right to the messages

in my phone but me. He started snatching for my phone. So I snapped it in half. It was a flip phone. And threw the pieces into the woods and yelled, now neither of us gets to see my phone. The visual is so strong.

Also, I'm picturing her snapping it over her knee. Wait, what? Like she pulls, she snaps this giant fucking Nokia. What year was this? Who has a flip phone? I, I mean, I'm trying to think because I had my last flip phone, like, right before I got a BlackBerry. So, I mean, it could have been 06.

10, at least 10 years ago. I love it. I love, you know what a man did this? She's an OG psycho or power mover. You know what a man did this? I'd be like, fuck him. With a piece of human garbage. A girl does it.

I'm like, it's pretty funny, man. That is so. threw them into the wood. Now, neither of us gets to see them as you, bitch. I just love it. Dedication. That's doubling down on your life. It's so funny.

Also, like, those phones were so cheap. You would never do that with an iPhone. Are you kidding me? Like, you have to be so rich to smash an iPhone. Rather lose my relationship than my iPhone. In a heartbeat. I'll never talk to my boyfriend again. Never buy a new iPhone.

Throw your iPhone into the woods. Are you kidding? Just a psychotic power move. Are you picturing the night? B snap though like she like fucking mortal combat you know I hear it all the time in my head is one of the first episodes you going you don't live here anymore bitch and I just like I hear that ton of voice she's like now neither of us are going to see the message I know I almost add a bitch on to the right let me read the last sentence again okay he started snatching for my phone so I snapped it in half it was a flip phone and threw the pieces into the woods and yelled now neither of us gets to see my phone bitch okay now I feel better about it Are you want to read the next? Oh, wait, psych or power move? Psychotic power move.

Again, like, he was not, okay, the email is very funny because he was trying to invade her privacy, but she was texting her ex. I know, right? Like, he's not even being psycho because he picked up on a set that was true. They're both fucking psychos. You know what I do is I'd break the phone, then I'd Venmo request him for the money for the phone.

And you know, back in the day, it used to be hard. You'd have to have your contract would be up. You'd have to do an upgrade. It was a whole thing. You couldn't just roll up and buy a phone. phone. Vemmo wouldn't even exist for the next 15 years after this thing happened. Oh, true. Right. You'd have to, like, go to the bank and, like, write a physical check. That's so funny. You guys are fucking nuts. Okay. Next email. My boyfriend and I had broken up,

in parentheses, due to him being a piece of shit. Nice, nice. Isn't that always the reason? He'd been working on fixing a car and left the keys in my car. I should add that his, that this car he was working on was not running at the time. I was bartending and he called me up to request the key. when I replied nicely saying I can't get them back to him that night, but I can drop them off later. He started flipping out on me, calling me names, and told me that I was a liar and that I could get them to him sooner

than I was telling him I could. I showed my boss the text and she gave me the great idea of leaving his keys at a mile marker on the highway. So after work at 2.30 a.m., I drove down the highway, picked a mile marker and twisted the key onto it. I texted him to tell him I left his key, between mile marker 137 and 158 on the highway. He flipped out when I told him,

and his brother called me later to tell me he's never seen him so mad at his entire life. This is hilarious. Not only did you do something to fuck with him, which is like so fucking crazy, is that you clipped it onto a mile marker. You gave him the difference of 21 different miles. I didn't realize that. Pick one.

When I first glanced at this, I thought it was going to be 137 and 138. Nope. I love that she gave. even a range. I wonder how she picked the range. She was like, 40 is unfair. You know what the best part part of this is like, first of all that her boss told her to do it. I had to go back and be like, oh, she's a bartender. Like, she's works since she has some savage-ass boss. It's not your like boss at Salesforce. Because restaurant people are fucking nuts. I was a restaurant person for

a long time. Your boss at sales force would never be creative enough to come up with this. You're bartending boss. Your shift manager. So I love this because you know how guys will like gaslight you. Like if a guy did this, he'd be like, I gave you your keys. I gave him to you. I told you where they were. Like this girl can just gaslight the shit. The guy should be like, you wanted him. So I gave him, I told you where they were. I left them for you. In a space that I'm explaining to you where they were. And they were safe. No one else is going to find him there. I would double down so hard on that. I'd be like,

what are you mad about? I gave you the kids. We need to do a where are they now for this to see if he went and tried to find the keys. Oh, yeah. There's no way. There's no way he did. I would. I would. Get a new key made. I would. 20 miles. I can imagine it in a mile marker. Hold on.

She put it in the mile marker. She clipped it to the mile marker. So he had 20 to check. Not just, no, no, not 20. Because you know when you're driving on a highway, it says 137.1. 137.2. Oh, my God. Seriously?

17.3. Yeah. There's like eight or nine in between all of them. Okay. So this bitch is a fucking ruthless. 160. Okay. What do we think?

Psycher power move. Again, kind of a little bit of both. To me, it's such a power move. You're right. It's a power move. He was calling her names. He was being verbally abusive. Yeah, it's 2.30 in the morning.

I have to, like, bring you something. know I'm at work. Right. You deserve this. Flipping out, calling her names. Yeah, telling her she was a liar. That's when I slap my ex. He started calling me names.

You get verbally abused. You're getting physically abused. Okay, I'm kidding. That's not the role. Do not endorse violence of any kind. Okay. Hi, Rain and Ashley. Legit, love your podcast.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, watch. Gotcha. Okay. I was hooking up with this guy from end of sophomore year of college to junior year on and off just because he would randomly ghost me,

but I always gave back in for some reason. Junior year, spring semester, I went abroad. and of course he went abroad to the same city. So obviously I went back to him, like went back to having sex with the same person, but in Europe instead of America. This sounds like a movie you do, Raina.

I just couldn't find someone else. He started ghosting me again. I told myself I actually had to stop hooking up with him. I knew he had an intense deadly allergy to peanuts as in like he has to get on a plane and wipe down the seat and make sure they don't sell nuts in the plane. Like a deadly allergy, right? While I was pre-gaming with my friends,

before I went out, I would eat a spoonful of peanut butter to make sure I wouldn't hook up with him. know what I like about this is that it's preventative and it involves snacks. Preventative. A lot of my friends think it's psycho because if I was just drunk or horny, I'd make out with him and then he'd end up in the hospital. So it's like a lot to unpack here. Was she, she, I think she was trying to prevent it, but also knew that if they made out, she would kill him. High-states preventative measure.

Death? Yeah, you know, like you say to me. Like, you can fuck me. but you're also going to die. So you decide. That's so true. Oh my God. A scoop of peanut butter.

Also, she's eating like 20 grams of fat just to prevent herself from fucking somebody. This does not sound like a long-term weight loss method. Right. Peanut butter is one of the worst things you can eat. Oh my God. I love a good spoonful of peanut butter though. I don't even.

It's so amazing. So I was reading this and I was like, oh my God, this bitch tried to kill him because like when she said deadly peanut allergy, I was like, fuck. We're not going to be able to air this. one. We can't be air and murder out here. But prevented, God, it's so funny to me.

I love it so much. Her tongue is so deadly. Like, I think it's so funny because, like, I just remember pre-gaming in college and, like, we would literally black out before we went out. Like, we would be like, let's black out first. And then before we hit the bars, like, it was just so bad. And so I'm picturing, like, everybody's getting so wasted. And then they're your friends in the corner, just like,

peanut butter, like, from the jar. This pussy kills. Can you imagine? Like, she, like, does she bring the peanut butter to the bar? I think she just eats a spoonful before she goes out. Maybe she leaves a little sediment in there. So I, you know what's very funny. I could see me doing this.

And then also, but not wanting to kill somebody. So, like, we do meet up later. And I'm like, we can hook up, but we can't kiss on the mouth. Like you're a prostitute. Like, we can fuck, but you can't kiss me. I wonder if you sucked his dick if something would happen to his dick. That's a good call. What if he had, like, a weird alert to reaction and his dick blew up.

I mean, those allergies are so wild. I know, they're very, they're not to be like. I mean, they're not to be, like, tampered with somebody's so wiped out a plane seat. I think maybe I would do this, but, like, throw an EpiPen in the bag. You know what I mean? So you could half kill them and also stab them? I want to stab someone so bad. If you're seeing somebody get stabbed with an EpiPen, it is shocking.

I watched a mom stab her son with an appy pen of the thigh or restaurant. She just, like, yeah, it's terrifying. You would to, like, make a fist around and fucking stab somebody. Yeah, you got to get through the clothes. It's not like a little gentle shot. Oh, no, no, no, no. You got to really get in there. You got to stab through the clothing.

Those poor kids are like, Mommy, why? You annoyed me today. Mommy wanted to stab you. Wait, did you see that meme? I think, I mean, who knows if it's real? Nothing's real anymore. But that meme about that kid, that he, like, a kid was in the cafeteria,

and he's like, he knew he had a peanut allergy in his whole life. He just wanted to try peanut butter so bad. He just, like, crushed a Reese's and then stabbed himself with an epic pen. Can you imagine a kid like third grader? He just like crushes a Reese's cup And then he's like, fuck it all. It's like stabs himself in the heart. Becoming the most popular kid in preschool overnight.

That kid will get so much pussy in high school. Big Dick energy. Oh my God. Okay. These are all really good. Right? They're just very like they're just unique. Like they're fun.

Like I love the ones that are just so outlandish. I couldn't make them up if I try. Right. So guys, like if you want to send us psych or power moves, use these as a template. Yes. And like, I can't tell you enough. Like, I know that a lot, like, every once in a while, I'll see a huge long email, like

the one we read about the best woman and the ex. But usually the longer they are, the more I'm just like, my eyes glaze over. Because I'm like, we're not going to be able to read these. You know, like the funnier, these were short, short and sweet. I need short emails. You know, I can't read them. Yeah. Or, like, maybe if you're going to write a long email, give me a two-sentence summary of it

up top. That's a good call. Like, there's one that we read. and I don't know what we're going to do with it. We'll probably still save it for some live shows, but there's a crazy scenario about that movie date that we read and we had Zako, mansplain it to us. But it's so long.

Like, I literally told the audience in Chicago like strap in. Well, our two-hour show notes were four pages, and this was a whole page. Yeah, like, I was just like, you guys, you got to commit to this. The audience was great. It's a long story, but there's no way to edit it shorter. And I was like, are you guys on board for this? And they were like, yeah, like, okay.

It's so worth it. So many twist and turns. So many twists and turns. It's a page turn. Petero and I were dying. Love him. I miss you. Okay.

Guys, we hope you like this episode. I'm, we love doing these episodes by ourselves. I know. We'll do more of them, we promise. This has been so fun. Yeah,

we, we feel like we've been getting a lot of feedback that you guys like ones with just us. So we're going to try to do more, more us. Yeah.

These guests are crap at myself. I'm just kidding. The guests we've had recently have been so amazing. January and February has been insane. Chris Estefano. Miss you.

Miss you. Miss you. Miss you, Ari Sharfair. I would totally fuck him. He's next door. Go get him. I'm not touching Chris Estefano with the I would fuck him. I would get pregnant sitting next to him. I'm not fucking him because I don't want to get murdered by his baby mama. You can tell she would kill you. Yeah. Not you like anybody. No, I respect it. Mateo's episode was so good. This month's been so fantastic. All right. Anyway, got a great march coming up to, buddies. We do. We're so excited. So guys, again, tickets still

available, well, allegedly, tickets still available in just a few in Dallas, a few in Austin show too. Again, the first show sold out in Austin, Tampa, really close to selling out in Miami. We know you, Miami people. Move slow.

Taking your time. Taking your time. Please stop. But please buy these tickets. I'm so annoyed. That's how it is. Like, that warm climates. People are like, I'll just get to it. The L.A. shows took forever to sell it.

But they are really, they're all getting close. So, I think we haven't mentioned this in a while, but we have awesome merchandise on our side. A lot of the people wear that, the hats and the T-shirts. Yes, the girls, there's three girls that came up to the Chicago meet and green and they all were wearing the black t-shirts. They like, like cute jeans and skirts. I loved it. Yeah, me too. Wear that stuff to the show.

And then get your hourglass, fab fit fun, living proof, and hello fresh. Lots of stuff to buy after this episode, guys. Yes. Okay. First buy our merchandise. Then our tickets. Then you can deal with other companies. Stop.

We're going to cut that. All right. Thank you guys so much. Thank you guys. Have a great week. Have a great week. Bye.