Girls Gotta Eat - Choosing to be Childfree

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

It's our long-awaited episode about the choice to not have children. (And we can't stress it enough, we have mad love for the moms and respect the decision to have children wholeheartedly.) We're discussing our decisions and how we got to them, how we view our future being childfree, tackling the talk with family members as well as potential partners, and we're spitting some stats. We're also sharing stories from our rebellious teen years along with our listeners' "wild child" submissions, and catching up on ass play (Rayna's latest foray into trying to enjoy it, and Ashley's hot take on the situation). Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for show dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners this week: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Tushy: Go to hellotushy.com/gge to get 10% off your order. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/80gge + code 80GGE to get $80 off including free shipping. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People don't do that to men. No one throw shade or judgment that men that don't have kids. No one even asks. No one would ask the follow-up question of why. You guys want to have kids? We don't know. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back.

We're both wearing the merch. Oh, we are both wearing the merch. Well, you're wearing a limited time-only merch. We're going to put it back up. I made it myself. I do custom design. I get in there and I just am like, what do I want? You did take something out of the box here?

I was like, do we sell that? And you're like, no, no. This is my hair... This is my favorite merch, the pink hat. Yeah. Oh, you're not wearing the... Okay. You're just wearing the hat.

I'm wearing the literally don't care sweatshirt and maroon. This is my color, I think. I think it brings out my brown eyes. It's our number one seller that sweatshirt. Yeah. And people are most requested bring back. We'll bring it back. We had some QC issues, but we got it.

QC. You're merchandising consultant now. This episode is so long in the making. We have been talking about this for, so I just, I don't know how to describe it. I have never, I haven't felt ready. I've been thinking about it for since March. For years, yeah. We have a T-shirt for that.

Honestly, we have a shirt for that. We have March for that. Yeah. So this episode is about not wanting children and it's not like I felt like I had to work up the courage to talk about this. I mention it all the time. I just have wanted to say the right thing and get everything out that I want to say and do this topic justice.

so we're doing it. We're doing it. And we obviously people can just be kind of triggered by it. So we'll talk about why we're doing it. Sorry. And what we're going to cover. I know you're excited. This is your swan song.

Yeah. Oh my God. Do you want to do your announcements at first? Oh, yeah. Sorry. So this week is our holiday show. Carnegie Hall. Oh, my God.

Stop. Low case. Next year. Oh, keep me. I'm not kidding. We were going to. do the show at Carnegie Hall. That isn't like a funny joke. No, it's not a funny joke. We had dates. We had all these dates. We were so, anyway, so it's going to be online.

How it's going. How it's going. How it started. How it started versus how it's going. So we actually moved it from Carnegie Hall to your living room. Get excited. You don't have to dress up. You don't have to put pants on. So this Sunday, December 13th, is our virtual holiday live show. We have so much fun things in store. We are so excited. You guys will not be disappointed. We did the show. We did a virtual show back in September. This one's going to be even bigger and better and so much fun. And like we mentioned before, get tickets now at Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. They're cheap. And we hope that you watch it live starting at 9 p.m. Eastern time this Sunday. But if not, you will have up to a week to watch it. So we know not everybody can make it that date.

You want to watch it a different night. You want to do it on a weekend night, whatever you want to do. So one week, so the following Saturday, you will be able to watch it. You'll just have your, you'll get an access code and you'll be able to access it. So that's the plan, but get tickets before the show starts on Sunday. You look pretty today. What? Yeah. What you do? Thanks. Just like your hair? Wash my hair. Make up. You showered. Shoured. Wash my hair hair. Wash my hair. Thanks. Oh, my tan stuff. My tanning stuff. You look tanner. Yeah. It's like this face stuff I use. It's from Rob Bronson's Studio in Atlanta. It's like my favorite beauty product. I'll plug them all day for free. I did a hair mask and a face mask the day. What face mask? You know, you and I just get sent so many products to like try them out or

we have a lot of partners like also FabFit Fun like always puts a ton of stuff in their boxes, like full size beauty products. So it was just some like matcha face masks. I just used that and then I used the hair mask from Function of Beauty. I used all of our partners and I just had a night in. I drank a probably a whole bottle of wine. I watched you under. The hair looks great. It was not real. But it looks like it could be. It looks like it could be. It looks good. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm merch. We told you guys the deadlines to get stuff by Christmas for domestic shipping. That's the United States order by December 8th, international, December 6th.

We can't guarantee those dates. Those are just what we're hoping for. We work with our fulfillment team to make sure you guys get everything you want by those dates. So obviously those dates have almost passed. We do everything we can in our control to make sure that you guys get those on time. If you have any questions, we have a contact form on the website. merch site, so please use that for merch questions. Don't DM those questions. Our support will get right back to you. And thank you for all your orders. We love seeing you guys tagged and all the stuff.

It's really exciting. The stuff that seems to ship really quickly are the hats. So if you want something last minute, that's a little more last minute. Like a baseball hat? Yeah, baseball hats, beanies. And we do have gift cards, guys. So if you want that, it's under the accessories tab on our website on Girls'Gaddypodcast. Shop. You guys can buy gift cards. They always fit and they always deliver on time. That's a great idea. Yeah. Like if it's really close to Christmas and you just want to give somebody something and the deadlines are past the gift card. Yeah, gift cards are great. Store is great. Merch is great. We have tons of stuff for you guys. You look so cute in the merch. Ashley and I rock it all the time. So thank you for your orders. And I think that's all my merch stuff,

right? Yeah. That's it. That sounds like about right. Ashley's like, what else can she not say? I'm doing the wrap it up. That's it. Thank you guys for your orders. And then Spotify. Yeah. Spotify released their like 2020 wrapped where it says what you listen to this year in terms of music, in terms of podcast, how many hours, what your top songs were, your top podcast, all this stuff. And we just get an onslaught of tags in our Instagram stories.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So yesterday, okay, so if you get tagged in stuff, it appears the top of your like like account. And all of a sudden I was tagged in 99 plus Instagram stories. And I was like, oh my God, this is it. It's finally happening. I posted a nude by accident.

Yeah. Like, what did I put on the internet? What is happening? What just came out about me? Like, holy shit, I'm canceled. It was so funny. You were like, I just got tagged in a million things. I realized it was Spotify.

that I thought I posted a nude. I mean, I feel like I would be proud. I don't care, but I want to control the nude. Right. Like, draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms. I still have this nude just in the bank from February. Will you please just post it? I don't.

I just don't. I'm not going for nude on my attention. I'm not, I'm just, it's not for me. Everybody live your truth. You included with your zucchini bread store bought. But I, I don't know. Somebody will see it one day. You know, you made a good comment to me, though.

about like posting something like that because I had this photo of myself that's like kind of thoughty that I loved and one of a beautiful body suit from Spanx that I love also the bra I was talking about a couple episodes ago minimizer bra people keep asking also from Spanx but this body suit I had a photo in these leather shorts and I had a photo without the shorts and you and you were like what's the point of posting something like completely naked basically on your Instagram um so I put shorts on took another photo well okay I feel like do I have room to talk I just posted a bikini pick I don't But it was also like I was on a boat. To me, I'm always just boyfriend-y.

Yeah, it felt like that's what you want somebody to see in private. And also, live your truth, do whatever. Post your boudoir picks on your Instagram. I don't care. I live your truth. But I just asked you like, what's the goal here? You know what I mean? Because like at that point, you kind of had a crush on somebody.

And I'm like, if the goal is to impress him, I don't know that that's going to impress him, that you post this for half a million people. I think that's sort of more what it was. It was like if I was single and I wasn't interested in anybody you're talking to anybody, I probably would have been more apt to post it. Yeah. But I think that because it was just clearly to get his attention,

I wanted to put the shorts on and say it. And he said to me, like, that's really, something about it being really sexy. And I was like, I saved one for you without pants on. Oh yeah.

Okay, perfect. It's very funny because people like, I'll post something like the bik, I mean, I don't post a bunch of bikini picks, but I have, you know, these ones that I've posted a couple times. And people are like,

girl, who you thirst trapping for? I'm like, literally no one, girl. Like you girls, my Instagram is following is 90 plus percent women. It's for you girls. It's for me. It's for me. Like, it's funny when people are like, they think like, oh, whose attention is she trying to get which crush, which X?

I'm like, zero. This for y'all and me. Enjoy, girls. Thank you for all your love and support on Instagram. No, thank you. It's so nice to like hype each other up in the comments. I know. Well, I'll tell you something like I did do.

this week. Okay, just hear me out. Okay. What is going to happen? What's happening? I just want your opinion on this. I wonder if other people have done this. It's just like, I get high and I masturbate tonight.

That's what I like to do. Okay. So I just like, I feel like there's, I've always just, I want to get into butt stuff. I want to be more into it. And you like it. You like when somebody like touches your butt or like licks your butt. I don't think a lot of people like it. And I don't like that at all.

And I thought like, we talked to like B about in June about like how to get into butt play. and we were time of using a little vibrator. So I just thought like if I just like be my own gateway into Budstuff, will I like it? Like if I touch my own Bhole, well, I like it. And like I feel like every guy I've ever been able to just like slips a finger up

there and like no warning and like no one's going to like like work the area out. So like I started touching my own Bhole and I was like I hate this. This isn't fun. But you have nails. Okay, I wasn't sticking it up inside. I was just like tapping on it. Okay. And the area and just like tap, tap, tap, tap, you know?

Like knocking on the door. And then I used like my little vibrator to like just touch the whole little bit. Like I did to my neighbor that day without asking. Yeah. And I just, I really didn't like it. Like I just, I feel like everybody's body's different. And like maybe my body just like really does not want something there. It didn't feel good at all.

Not even for one second. Like not even just like a little bit of tiny baby pressure in the area with my tiny baby vibrator. I mean like a dildo. I mean like a small little vibrator. You think it's because it's not clean? Yeah. There's so much build-up that I couldn't find it. You never once cleaned back there.

I clean it every day. I just don't go inside of it the way you do. You touch your butt all the time, allegedly. You said you clean your butthole with your own hand. So you've been touching your butt-home for a long time, bitch, as far as I know, that's how you, that's all you do is touch your hand in your butt hole. Well, you're slippery soapy hand in your butthole. And now all of a sudden you don't want to touch it?

Now all of a sudden it's too much. For sexual reasons, I don't want it. There's a utility to the motions. It's important. I just, I can't do it in the bedroom. I don't want it. And yes, it's clean. I shower every day. I hate showering. I hate it. I work out every day now. And so I shower every day, which I hate. And so you're, you are in there. Okay. Do you, I feel like someone needs to eat your butt. Yeah. That's how, if you hate that, then you're done. You don't do about stuff. But like, I don't know. Like, I didn't know that I liked that. that until someone just did it. And then I was like, oh, shit. Let me ask you, were you on all fours? Were you on your back? Uh, this is my cousin, come as a surprise, but we've all seen this if we watch girls. I was standing. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about when Marnie is standing in the kitchen and she's been over the kitchen counter and her man is like eating her ass. We don't talk about that show enough. I've watched every episode. That's a great opening scene of an episode of a show. Uh,

yes. So I was, I was standing. Oh, I like, that's very hot. Yeah. I don't talk. Yeah. I I mean, that was the first day I met that person. I met him. I think that's smart because you're standing so you can run. The story is so good and I've brought it up before, but I met this guy in line at the Claremont Lounge in Atlanta, which is a strip club with old ladies. It's iconic, famous, one of it.

And it's an Atlanta institution landmark. And I was planning on meeting another guy from Tinder there that night. I've told the story before. So I was in line with the girlfriend, start talking this guy. I found him very cute, very attractive. We go inside. We're still flirting.

And I had to be like, listen, I would date tonight. Like, hopefully this guy doesn't show, but if he does, also going on dates to the Claremont is a power move. But, and then this guy showed up, my date, we went across the street to kind of get out of the strip club. And then I ran, I was like, let me say bye to my friend. And I ran over and slipped that guy my number.

I was like, I really like talking to you, call me. And then he called me. I sent like kind of like, ended the date with that other guy at the bar across the street. And the other guy came and met me. And then we went home together and he ate my ass. That is a bold move for at first. And then the next morning we like went to brunch and like he didn't have his wallet allegedly. I paid.

Well, he was like I was a tow walker. He was like, I've already paid the price, you know. I paid the toll. Yeah. So anyway. I feel like I like the idea of somebody licking your butt as opposed. I just, I don't like anal penetration. I don't want it.

Like, but I also think the women don't have a, you don't, I don't have prostate in my butt. It's like there's nothing up there that I want. Like, we're not looking for anything. Okay. So men like stuff in their butts, they have a prostate out there. It's like a clit in your butt. But I feel like I don't want anything in the area. I tried to put a vibrator in my own butt.

Wow. Yeah. I'm really working. Solid evening. So Ashley and I were talking earlier, I was like, I don't really think that hard about this stuff I'm going to say sometimes. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about telling you this. And I was like really deeply thinking about it.

Like this is going to be on recorded podcast. That's okay. I own it. This reminds me of another thing I wanted to share. I sent you this me. and it's, I still can't stop thinking about it. It was so funny. And the meme said something of like, old people just be out here cooking without recipes,

vibes only. And I can't stop thinking about you cooking with vibes only. Like, why is that so you? And that's the same as this. You just don't really think about it, vibes only. That's how you live. That is how I live. Well, I mean, you say that I'm good at like off the cuff.

Yeah. I am great in the kitchen off the cuff. And that's how I learned how to cook. Also, by the way, like my mom taught me how to cook. My mom will always say, I mean, it's her best quality by far as her cooking. Yeah. It's not even close. She always says, like, I don't know how to make anything I've ever made because I just, like, throw stuff together.

I think that if you know enough about cooking, you can cook like that for sure. And then I worked in restaurants for so long and I was just hang out in the kitchen and watch people cook. And I just like, I understand what tastes good together and how to cook it. So I cook with vibes only. Fives only. I love it. I guess I'm thinking about it. I've been, like, posting all these, like, cooking videos on Instagram, which people keep asking me for a highlight. I guess we just do it. You don't have any highlights.

No. What is that choice about? I don't feel like it. I'm just lazy. What is that choice about? It feels weird to have just a soup highlight and nothing else. You gotta start somewhere. Add something else.

If you just start somewhere. Like what if I like a guide? He comes to my Instagram page and my business isn't one of the highlights, just soup cooking. I know. And I feel like it's like too late to start. I mean, if you really go look at my highlights,

I have girls got to eat starting from the first episode. Like 2018, 2019 tour, 2020 tour, a little shorter. and like I kept up with it. So it's like you could, it would be so hard for you to go back

and do like a girl's got to eat highlight. Where would you start? I don't know. But I love yours. I love watching it. Yeah, I cook and people keep asking for the recipes. Just do a soup highlight. Just let's start there.

I, people have been asking for it. Yeah. Oh, damn. A lot of you've been asking. A lot of you been asking for soup highlights. And just what's the title? Vives only. I want,

I need to make you a sign for your kitchen. This is vibes only. Enjoying it. I love it. I love cooking. I love showing people how to cook. And, I mean, listen, I'm not going to teach you how to cook.

I'll happily list all the people they can. But I'm not one of them. I will only teach you how to cook with vibes. Right. I don't think. Why is Vives Only so funny? It's funny. That's what when we asked people what they thought tantric sex was.

Someone said that. Yeah. It's vibes only. Sex with Vives only. I wrote that. Oh, yeah. Now we're going to do merch. God damn it.

Fives only? I'm ready. Whatever. You can pump it out merch. Okay. And I just have one more thing before we get into it. So last week, we recommended the bold type as a show. And over what people were like going crazy.

They watch the show. They love the show, which is so validating because it is like my favorite show. And I finished it in full, like what's available right now. So there's four seasons. I was almost cut up and I finish it in full. And I just want to say this for people watching it. It's not really a spoiler alert. But at the end of the fourth season, like the end of the show, what we have until now,

it is a situation in which they address a woman not wanting kids. And it's really intense. And it's like a couple that is married and she has realized she doesn't want to have kids. And it's just like it's so it was such a coincidence to me that we talked about the show. And everybody was like, that's my favorite show too. Like, oh my God, I feel so seen. And then they really do address it because I haven't seen that that much on a show where it's like this amazing couple. Again, no spoilers, that like the woman has decided that and the man like really wants kids.

And to watch it, I was just. like, oh my gosh, we're about to like really deep dive on this. It's crazy that you watched it this week. This week. And that this is what we're talking about. Yeah. So wild that like double tails into this. Yeah.

And if anyone's curious, the show ends kind of abruptly. Just give you a heads up. And it's because they couldn't film the last two episodes of the season because of COVID. Oh. I didn't know that. So there's supposed to be two more episodes of season four and they just had to like stop. Anyway. Hot take.

I didn't know that. I am plowing through the end of younger. I'm almost done with it. I'm at the will they won't day moment. It's driving me crazy, but we're almost there. Okay, so here we go. This episode is about the decision to not have children. No spoiler alert here.

I don't want kids. I've said it multiple times. Raina will talk about her experience, how she feels. And we've been wanting to do this for a while. We want to do it on our own. But, like, honestly, we've gotten so many requests for this. Like, any time we've ever talked about families or children or anything, like people ask when we're going to do this.

episode. And so I know a lot of you guys have wanted us to do it. We feel like we owe it to you, but we want to do it anyway. And, you know, it's not something that so many people talk about. Again, I don't feel any sort of shame or anything around my personal decision. I'm very open about it. But I think some people, it's not easy to discuss. So we're excited to do it and tell you guys how we feel. Yeah. Before we get to do it, I just, I want to talk a little bit about the topic in general, because I think it can be sensitive and potentially a little offensive to some people. So we wanted to address that up top. And first and foremost, this episode is not intended to downplay the importance of motherhood

or offend anybody whose desire it is to be a mom now or in the future. Just because I think something is right for my life doesn't mean I don't think it's a wonderful and meaningful thing for somebody else's life. There's always going to be things that I do personally. The others think is superfluous to their own lives, and I afford other people the right to think that. So I just ask the same in return for us. I think motherhood is a tremendously difficult job.

many of my dear friends of children that I love so much, I love playing with. I have a mom. I'm a huge fan of her. I just know that sometimes people feel that the decisions that you make are an attack on the ones that they've made for themselves. And that's certainly not our intention here today. I didn't, honestly, I'm saying this because I didn't truly realize how offended and condescending people can become when you suggest that motherhood isn't for you until very recently. And due to just a family situation of my own, which I'll discuss later on in the episode, I didn't understand how triggering this could be for other people. And I'll just sort of I've used an analogy that I've said of this podcast before.

Like I weddings, I think the huge weddings with like centerpieces and tablecloths, and actually bridemaids are a silly waste of money as well. But that doesn't mean that I don't love being in other people's weddings and going to weddings and respect other people's desire to throw them. I wouldn't spend my money on it, but I certainly don't stand in judgment of how other people want to spend their hard earned money. Certain things make me happy and give my life purpose. And I think that everyone should have everything that they want.

And my words today won't be a judgment call on what other people have done and what gives them purpose and make them happy. So I don't stand in judgment about how other people have chosen to use their uterus. So I just ask that they don't judge how I've chosen to use mine. Yeah, I love that you said that. That was beautiful. I mean, if you have children or you want children, we support you wholeheartedly. We've had a number of moms on this show. We did an episode on fertility just to give women information on how they could have children later down the road and freezing their eggs and all that kind of thing. Like, we support mothers and the decision to have children, like full stop. Like, duh.

Yeah. You know, like my mom is the most important person in my whole world. I love so many of my friends or mothers, like, we support mom. So that goes out saying, like, I just love that you said, like, our choices and our opinions are not an attack on yours. And we're going to talk about how we feel. We might make some jokes. And we know that people like to get offended about anything and everything these days. Not all people, not most of, I think most of our listeners are great, but it's really a tense time more than ever where people really, are looking to be offended. But I will say that people that are secure in their own choices and they're happy in their own lives are not triggered by the opinions and choices of others that have nothing to do with them. If someone came to me straight up to my face and was like, I think it's so sad when women don't want children, it's not natural, something's wrong with you, yada, yada. I am zero percent offended because that does not apply to me. It's not true. I'm not offended by it because I'm secure in my decision. So if you're finding yourself to be triggered by us talking about not wanting children, I do ask you to look inward because that has nothing to do with us.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I didn't, and again, I will talk about this later. I don't want to keep teasing this. But I didn't realize until recently, like, when you say to somebody, I don't want kids, that they feel the need to tell you how important it was to them and how much it meant of their life and how it fulfilled. Great.

Great. That's wonderful. I'm not saying that your life has no meaning and the mind has more meaning. I'm just saying, this is what gives my life meaning. And it doesn't affect you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, I got a little taste of this. I posted something on Instagram and this was this really cool video right before the latest season of the bachelor's started. And it was like all the former bachelor's were like passing this rose. It was like the school montage they did. They like did this whole little thing and showing kind of the, they're a snippet of their life. And then they threw a rose and the next bachelor's caught it. And it was like the first half, the first half of all the women had kids. And they were like crazy mom frazzled with our kids running around. And then they were happy. But like, then it kind of went into the more recent bacheloretts who don't have kids.

And they were like, you know, Andy Dorman was like eating this big. bowl ice cream and like one of them was working out on our peloton and they had dogs and it was like my life it was like I saw myself and those women obviously and I wrote something and it said this video is such a stark contrast between women who have children and women who don't very obvious observation and it's I said like I resonate more with the women that have the dogs and the snacks and the workouts and stuff like that that's it and I got this really positive response about posting about not winning kids and how I enjoy my life without kids from moms. So like matchmaker Maria for one, a good friend of mine who just had a baby saying things to me like kids aren't for

everyone. Mother is saying that. Kids aren't for everyone. I love that you talk about this. Love that you normalize it. Love that you're open about it. And then a few people that took offense by something I never said. And they were like, you know, guess what moms can do it all? And I'm like, I never said they couldn't. Like never said that. We've had the most badass moms on this show. Eden, with Shan right before she was about to give birth. I have tons of friends. Amy Fraser. Yeah.

Half of my friends are, they work full time. They have a husband. They have a career. My mom. And it was like, I just was like, you were projecting so hard on me, something that you aren't happy with in your life.

And I didn't even say this thing. You know what I mean? And so I was just like, it made me just be like, ultimately like, I want to get all this out of the way before we start this episode. If you find yourself getting triggered right now,

turn it off. I don't want to hear it. And like, it's just we don't, we support. what you do. And we, you know, we ask the same. And I think that we might share some observations during this episode about motherhood. And it doesn't mean it has anything to do with your life. And it's not an all mom's this, all moms that. It's opinions, it's observations, it's hot takes. If it doesn't apply to you, you shouldn't be offended by it.

Okay. And one more thing. Anyone who is out here saying that a woman is supposed to have kids, a woman's body is meant to have kids. If you don't want them, something's biologically wrong with you. That is some antiquated, misogynistic bullshit. And those are the same people that say it's wrong to be gay and it's wrong to be transgender and it's wrong to have sex before marriage. And it's wrong to have a kid out of wedlock and fuck those people. Those aren't our people.

So any of those views that I don't fuck with. Yeah. And I feel like there's so many times like you say, like, I don't want kids and somebody will say, oh, you'll grow out of it. It's like, why can't I just want this? You know? I don't know. I don't know.

I think you and I maybe feel differently. I don't ever feel judged. don't work in an office where I'm working. I mean, Kate feels very differently. She's always worked with women that are like, when are you and Jagan have kids? And she's, I think I said this before an episode that she started saying it's just not in the cards for us.

And people retract really quickly. And we'll get to this. We'll talk about fertility. But I don't feel that. But again, I've not been in a lot of traditional scenarios. And people don't step to me. You know what I mean? I'm very open about it.

But like, I don't really feel judged. I don't, my family's cool. But that's very, probably pretty rare. Like, I feel lucky in that way. I don't feel judged in the sense of like you and I live in New York City. I think it's pretty common to not have kids there's lots of people. I don't think, I think that a lot of people

have kids to leave New York. I think a lot of people are age that are single, still live in New York and don't have kids. And I think I'm lucky to live in New York, which is a city with a lot of single people don't have a good, great life. I don't feel judged.

I also don't think I leave myself open to judgment. I'm not asking somebody's opinion for the way that I live my life. And I'm not asking, I'm not telling them how they should live their life. So I guess judgment is not the right word. I think sometimes people are like dismissive of you not wanting kids.

or they think it's just like a silly thing you'll grow up from. And I mean, we're all entitled to grow up and change our minds. But like I, it's never, it's not open for discussion. I mean, it's my life and my uterus. Even if you look at me, I mean, Ari Jafir has this whole two-part special on Netflix about not having kids and people going like, what if you're lonely? And he says like he thinks about it for one second. Then he picks up the phone and calls a friend and then he's not lonely anymore.

And it's like, yeah, I think that people are like, well, I'll do with that then. I don't think I'm going to be lonely. But if I am, I'll think, thank you for your input. Yeah. And just because we don't feel those pressures, we know so many of you do, and we're going to get talked to it. We're going to speak to it. We're going to speak about it. We're going to get in all this stuff. One more thing before we like really deep dive is I do want to say that also if you're struggling to have children, this may not be what you want to hear.

And so that's fine too. And, you know, we 100% respect that. We send you our love and our support. Protect your energy. Take care of yourself. You know, I don't know. I'm sure someone knows how they feel at this point, but like, again, it might not be something you want to hear women talking about not wanting children when you want them so badly and you're unable to have them. So I send my love to any women who are struggling with that. I think it is so painful. And I can't imagine wanting something so badly and my body not doing it, you know,

like it just, it really gets me upset. So I'm already emotional. So if this is going to be emotional for you, then don't. Don't listen. It might not be for everybody. Yeah. Oh, you're so sweet. You're crying.

I love you. I feel like I shift in my tone real quick. I feel like fuck you if you're mad about it to like, I'm so sorry if you can't have kids. I'm just like I think about you every day. Do you think this is the longest trigger warning we've ever given up top in three years? Trigger warning, but also don't DM us. You know what I mean? Yeah, don't DM us warning.

Trigger warnings we've given for those other episodes. I just, I mean, I can't hammer this home enough. I didn't realize until recently, like, how offended some people get by this. Whatever, we're not going to keep hammering you guys about this. But I understand that it can be especially tough to talk to your parents about this stuff. So I want to talk about how to maybe break that kind of stuff to your parents. And people, I mean, people keep this in mind, too. People that really hammer you and really judge you are wanting you to validate their life decisions.

And they could be jealous, too. There's a lot going on here, but a lot of it is just projections upon projections. when someone is really coming at you and attacking you for your personal life decisions that, again, have nothing to do with them. So all of that, just keep it in mind. Yeah. All right. So let's talk about our actual feelings on having kids.

You guys aren't sure? I want to give a few stats. You want to what? I give a few stats. Okay. And then you're going to talk about your feelings. Yeah. I want to just keep it short.

I personally have a lot of friends that got pregnant during the pandemic. Do you? I don't know. We have a lot of the same friends. I have three pretty good friends pregnant right now. Uh-huh. So it might feel like everybody's gotten pregnant during the pandemic. But a report from the CDC in May of 2020 shows that the fertility rate, which just means births,

number of births, is still on a decline, which it has been on a decline. And the U.S. fertility rate is the lowest it has been since 1985. So I say that just to say that less and less women are having kids, it's more normal than you think it's okay. It's all okay. And it's not anything new. I was kind of reading like history of women not having kids. And this was from an article I read in the Washington Post, which said childlessness had

reached its peak by the like 1900s, at least one and five American women born between 1885 and 1915, never had children. And then of course we had the baby boom. And then by the 1970s again, it kind of started where more women were choosing not to have children, more reliable birth control, frank discussion about sexuality and women's claim to control their own bodies, like all that stuff was kind of on the rise again. So this isn't like a new thing. Like women have just been choosing not to have kids for a long time now.

You know, and I think that it is a beautiful thing that women aren't forced to have children and forced to be married and we can support ourselves and we don't have to subscribe to this very old-fashioned way of life. So it's not anything new. It's on the rise. A lot. I think we're going to have a pandemic baby boom for sure.

But like it's fucking 2020 in America. Like it's not a crazy thing to not have kids. And also just one more thing, I think that some women just don't want them and then, or they don't have a partner. And I think there's also women that I would just at least want to validate and like don't feel like they can afford them and don't feel like our health care system and our child care system supports them. And I think especially in 2020, women may have realized, like, I don't want to bring a kid into this world. I actually, things are so uncertain. So it's like I just don't want to not address that because a lot of people may want them and

feel like they can't afford them. And our heart goes out to you on that too. I think that's, that's a thing I sympathize with as well. I mean, we talked about responsible parenting in the abortion episode with Mirashah. And like, I just think that like it's a responsible decision to decide I maybe I'm not capable of this. I don't necessarily feel like I can take this on. I don't want to bring somebody into this world.

I can't afford to bring somebody in this world. Like I think not having kids can be responsible parenting. And if you've made those decisions for yourself, then like, good for you. That also doesn't mean you can't unmake those decisions. Right. But it is a scary. time and a lot of people don't have money and maybe you decide that like I can't give my kids what I what I had and that's the kind of responsible parenting that I think a lot of people should be doing.

Yeah. And I love that you said that and brought in and called back to that episode and our country does not necessarily support mothers. Like compared to other developed countries like we don't kill it at all. It's not great. So it's like understandably so that there's so many things you have to think about before you bring a child in this world. So whether you don't want them innately like I don't or you feel like you can't support them. Like everything is okay. There should be no shame around it. You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

Whatever your reasons are, it's fine. Again, you can always change your mind. Okay, do you want to talk about how you, you and I, okay, so you and I really differ. Yeah, why don't you talk about how we're like different? Well, we're different. I want to explain my reasoning in a minute, but, you know, I did always used to want kids, but you've never wanted kids. So I think that's really interesting because I've sort of done an about face, but I would

love to hear you talk about how like you never wanted it. Yeah. Okay. I have never wanted kids ever. Like I don't know, I'm sure when you're younger, you're a kid, you play with baby dolls, like you think you're going to be a mom someday. Like I don't think like kids, middle schoolers, even like high schoolers think that they won't. That's kind of an, maybe I could be wrong.

I just think I've figured I would. And then as I got into adulthood, like I don't think I was so staunchly like I'm not having kids in my early 20s. And I still maybe thought I would get married and it would be on the table, I guess, but wasn't really like, I didn't feel like I wanted them. And I had a girlfriend say to me one time, I didn't think I wanted them too. She used to work in L.A.

She worked in casting. She had this glamorous job. And then she met her now husband. And they have two children. She was like, until I met my husband, I didn't really want them. I felt like you. And I didn't feel offended by her.

I didn't feel like she was like, you'll change your mind. Yeah, you'll grab and take your mind. She just was like, I see a lot of myself. And she was older than me. I see a lot of myself and you want to make it in this industry and stuff. But like, she kind of felt like you might meet the right person and change your mind. I was like, sure, maybe. I was like zero percent offended. I was like,

she could be right. Maybe that'll happen. Maybe I'll meet my, her husband's name is Matt. Maybe I'll meet my Matt. That's weird. That's my brother's name. And I'm going to change my mind. And then I think somewhere along the lines, I was like, I don't want this. I don't want like any part of it. Like nothing appeals to me. I don't picture myself being pregnant. I don't picture myself giving birth, breastfeeding. And I don't picture myself with a kid of any age. I don't picture myself with a cute baby or a cute toddler or a grown kid that has a relationship like me and my mom. I just don't to it and I don't want it, like, at all. And I don't know how else to explain it, but I'm sure some people are listening and maybe relate to me on this. Like, I'm not envious of my friends with kids. I don't

look at people that have kids and want their lives. And I have such an amazing relationship with my mom, with both of my parents, but with my mom. And then my mom has this amazing relationship with her mom. And I had an amazing relationship with my grandmother. Like, it has nothing to do with that. It's just like, I don't want it for myself. And the physical toll that it takes on your body aside, We don't need to get into that. It takes a physical toll on your body. Fine. You can bounce back. Women are resilient. Yeah, I don't want that. But like so much of it is just, it's just, it's innate, but it's like lifestyle too. I mean, it does take away your freedoms to live your life exactly the way you want to live it. And you do have to dedicate your life to this kid.

This is not to say that you can't have hobbies. You can't travel. You can't have an amazing life as a mother. People do it all the fucking time. But if you're a good parent, you do dedicate your life to your kid. Well, I mean, that's what I thought about my, parents, and I want to talk about breaking this news to your parents, but like, my parents dedicated everything to Arlen and I, all of their time and their money and they sacrificed everything. And it's, my parents were amazing parents. That's what great parents do. Yeah. I don't know that I want to do that. Right. Yeah, you're always a parent. Like, and, you know, this is my, my truth, right? Like, my parents didn't stop parenting me at 18. You know what I mean? Like, they were still worrying about me,

caring for me, walking me through life well into my 20s. I mean, even now I'm still like their kid. You know, I lived with them during the quarantine. Like you never stopped being a parent. And I'm so glad my parents lived that way. And, you know, they had great lives too. And they weren't like tethered to us at all times. And I think they felt freedoms and things like that. But like they still were parents.

And I, the path that I'm on, it's not for me. And I want to live my life with complete autonomy and not have to care for a child. And it's just, it's what it is. I think, I know. women deep town wholeheartedly desire children so badly. And I just don't think you should even have them if you don't feel that way because it's a lifelong commitment. And I'm sure people are on the fence and then they get pregnant and then they're so happy to be a mom. But like to me, it's just it's interesting to me that people like aren't totally sure and they do it anyway

because it's this lifelong commitment. I mean, people say, you know, you don't know until you have a kid. You can't imagine how much love you have for them. You don't mind. that you're covered and spit up and then it takes a toll on your body and your bank account and your time. And I believe that's all true. That's probably true for people. We'll get to that comment about like,

you don't know real love until... No, no, not real love. You don't really understand like what it is to be a parent and that type of love until you have the kid. That's probably true for some people. I read this, uh, this quote in, um, Harper's Bazaar that I love that it says

the most offensive of sayings is you'll never know true love until having children. I hate that saying. I'm not saying true love. So I want to clarify, I, like what people say about, about, like, people that are on the fence, then you see your child. It's a different kind of love.

And you're like, of course. I think that what I'm saying is not true love. I don't mean that at all. I mean, like, the love that you feel for your child, like, I could be on the fence about having kids and I might have a kid and be so obsessed with it and love with it. I don't know. I believe that that happens. Yeah, I think there is this different type of love there, of course, like between a mother

and a mother, a parent and their child. But, like, I think people try to throw that around and I'm like, fuck you. Like, you know, I saw Kate Kennedy talk about this when she talked about this topic of like, you'll never understand this true feeling of love. I feel a lot of love. You know, for so many people in my life, I feel loved. I give love. I love Dewey so much. My heart could burst and I take care of him every day. But like, and he's not a child. I get that dogs and children are very different. But like, I don't like, I think some people say that with the wrong intention. Yeah, but I didn't say that. I also, we can listen too. I'm fine with this.

Yeah, yeah. I want to talk about this. But like, I feel like some people say like, like in my mind, I would have to give up a lot of time and I'm pretty selfish. A lot of people say you have a kid and you don't feel like that anymore. You don't mind giving up the time and you don't mind being not selfish anymore. And it's like, yeah, that's probably true for a lot of people. That's great. Yeah. So that's what I mean is like people are like you don't understand it to have a kid. Yeah, but I don't want it.

Yeah, but I don't want it. So maybe I'd have a kid and I'd want it. I don't want it. It's a huge. Well, I don't know. Some people just want to be a mother. That's all they want in life. They don't want a career.

That's totally fine. Live your truth. You sacrifice. Like you have to sacrifice. You sacrifice so much. You sacrifice time. you sacrifice your body, you sacrifice your freedoms, all these things, but they are worth it. Mm-hmm.

If you want it. Yeah, they're 100% worth it. It's my nightmare. It's my literal nightmare. I've had nightmares about having kids. It's just, it's so not for me. Listen, I spent all weekend shopping like a crazy person for Black Friday and Saturday and Saturday.

And the amount of times I have just driven to the airport, gone on a plane and gone somewhere, I love that stuff. And some people will tell me that a trip to Jamaica doesn't replace a child. That's okay. I liked the trip. I'm very happy and very secure. choices. I like the diamond earrings I bought and I like the trips I take. I don't have to think about formula or do I or can I afford these payments. I don't have to. Yeah. You know, 100%. It's nice for me.

And having kids is nice for you guys. That's great. Yeah. You're a less selfish person I am. And I want to hear, I want to hear all your feelings. One last thing I wanted to say is I think a good gauge is also like, like, who do you want to be like in life? You know, like, who do you look up to? And we have a lot of younger listeners. And this also goes to say you can want this part of someone's life and this part of someone's life. You know, this isn't like, I want to be this person when I grow up. But like for me, it's like I have always looked to people like Chelsea Handler, like Sarah

Silverman, Jennifer Aniston, Oprah, Gloria Steinem. Like those are the lives I want and who I aspire to be more like. You know what I mean? So it's like you don't have a decision today. None of you. You do what you want. Live your truth. But like if you're trying to figure it out, because I think we have a lot of women that are

on the fence. And Kate Kennedy did a great episode on this. she's married, she's not sure how she feels, go listen to her. She does these very long, deep dives and she's wonderful. And she might resonate with a lot of you guys too. But like, look at who, look at how you feel when you're when you're, when you're friends that have kids. And look at how you feel when you look at somebody in their life on Instagram. Like, just always take that into account. Like, do I want this? Or do I just think I want it? Because it's like what society and these other pressures are telling me I want. I like that you said, like,

compare your life to the people that you're, that are your heroes. I think it's like, an amazing litmus test for do you want kids. Also somebody DM me and said you haven't said litmus test on the podcast in a while. So I just want to slip that in. Oh my God. Listen, I know we say it on TMS, but if you're using funny shit like that. Yeah, Limit's test. I also think you bring up something, which is that like, I want a partner.

Like, I want to be married. We're not be married, but I want like deep, committed love. And we will talk about, by the way, dating when you don't want kids and how to talk about that with somebody. But just because I don't want kids, doesn't mean I don't want, like, a very serious long-term partner. And I can have all the love in the world. I have, fortunately, a lot of friends that don't have kids. But I also have friends that do have kids.

And I, my best friend's son is my favorite person in the world. They FaceTime me before bedtime the other night. I had so much fun talking to him, watching him, like, read his little book. And he's so cute, and I love that. And I also love shutting the computer and going about my life for the rest of the night. It was great. You know me. All I want is for Matt to have kids. I have aunt

envy. When I see, like, Kate, with her nephews, I'm like, I'm so fucking jealous. Like, I am dying for them to have children. I like children. Love my friend's kids. Love them. I do. I love babies.

I like the smell of babies. I do. I do. They're like two. But when they're like seven, they start to get left. I'll see you when they're two. Yeah, two to seven. Excellent ages.

Actually, infants are fine too. They just sleep. Except you have to change those shitty diapers. Oh, and spit up. Messy butts. The diapers are worse for me. You're going to walk back. All right.

So, Raina, let's hear how you feel. feel about having children. So the way that I feel about kids, I don't have such a line drawn in the sand as you do, but I'm coming around, I think, even much more firmly to not having kids. And I'm going to talk about why. And my whole life, I just thought I would be a mom. I wasn't like dying to be a mom. I just thought it was like a foregone conclusion that I would be a mom. That's what everybody did. They'd be a mom. So, and I actually was at a point in my life in my mid-20s after I separated for my fiance where I was like even if I don't have a partner I want to be a mom. Right.

I would be artificially inseminated to be a mom. That's how I felt. Yeah. And we've done a lot of interviews in the show. We've talked about, you know, would you be artificially inseminated? Would you do it with a partner without a partner? I think that now I'm sort of in the camp of if I met somebody and I was so in love with them and they're non-negotiable wise we have a kid.

Then I would genuinely consider doing this with a partner that I was in love with. It would be like a fun little team project we could do together. Oh my God. Guys, please don't think about it. a full of project to lifelong commitment. It's so funny you say that because like what you described gives me like a chill down my spine of meeting someone in fall in 11. They're non-negotiable having kids.

It makes me feel like it gives me anxiety. She's sick, yeah. But I'm also getting to an age where I'm just like, I can't. They're going to be like, that's fine. They're like, you're trying up. You can't have kids anyways. But honestly, I feel like this is the part of the conversation I think does offend some people sometimes.

I feel like I wanted to have kids to give my life purpose. That's what I wanted. That was what was going to give my life purpose because it's an important thing that you can do to have a legacy and to have something carry your name on and to give yourself something to do long term and somebody to care about and something bigger than yourself, right? And I feel like, I know I'm going to start crying when I talk about this and I don't care. I feel like starting this podcast has given me purpose in the world. And I know that I could die tomorrow and I will have made some mark on this world. And, you know, I, I, we read your emails and we see how much this show means to you guys. And even little things like I, I improved my sex life with my partner because of you guys, or I left a situation that wasn't healthy to me all the way to, I didn't commit suicide because of you. I can't leave how emotionally I am about this. No, it's like, you guys, I feel like the exact same way. And like we, we, this isn't to like, pat our stuff.

selves in the back or sound self-important. It's to thank you. We get emails that say, you saved my life all the time. And like, I can't believe that we get to do. Oh, God, this is bad. I can't believe that we get to do that. Yeah. And I feel

like your mom. You feel like you are my mom? No, all these girls' moms. Oh. They all call me mom and I'm like, I am a mom. I just, I wanted to have a legacy and I know that I will. I know that like some people in the world will have made better decisions for their life just based on listening to us and based on the guests that we've had on the show. And I know that like people have had really tough times in their life and have turned to us. And like that's my legacy.

And I can die tomorrow and know that I did something good in this world. And that's enough for me. And I feel like having kids doesn't necessarily give yourself, give your life purpose or not give your life purpose, but my life has had purpose. and your emails will be something that I will read forever for the rest of my life. I'll be like telling people like once upon a time I was this person and people got to listen to me and they changed their lives and made decisions based on the things that I said. But shut up. You will still be doing that.

Yeah, I said I will. For the rest of my life. I'm just saying you won't have to tell anybody that you did that. Everybody will know. Oh, people will know. No, I just be reading these emails. That is why I feel like I, having kids was going to be my legacy. It's a lot of people's legacy.

And that's important. And that also doesn't mean that you can't have kids and career and both things can be your legacy. And I don't know why I keep like apologizing to people. Fuck it. I feel how I feel and that's how I feel. And I just feel like this show has given me a purpose in life and I don't need other things necessarily. And that doesn't mean that your job takes the place of children, you know? Emails don't take the place of children. But some of the most important days of my life were just standing on stage, laughing with you guys, doing a show with my best friend and enjoying the things that I think are really special. And I'll take that with me

forever and I don't I just don't need it and now I do personally enjoy the time and the freedom that I have and honestly the weight that you feel lifted off of you and you decide that you don't want kids it's like this amazing feeling because you're not on a timeline anymore you know I remember like my god I'm so old and who's ever going to want me and I'm on this timeline I got to find the next person when you decide you don't want kids anymore what a blessing to like I mean whatever have kids if you guys want to have kids but for me It was like this nice thing where like wave this wand. It's just not not on this crazy timeline anymore.

I don't have to find a partner tomorrow. I don't have to make decisions based on finding a partner tomorrow. I don't have to. I have the time now. Absolutely. And I'm sure a woman that's listening that is single and wants to have kids, it's like painful for her to hear that because she still wants that. But like, and I feel for you, we do.

That's why we did the whole episode on Freezing Your Eggs and we had Marilyn and the whole thing. But it's like, it is so nice. And I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend the other day that always thought she wanted to be a mom, a really close girlfriend. She's our age and she is going through a divorce and they never had children. And she feels like she decided recently, even when she was still with her husband, that she didn't want children and she felt like she had such a weight lifted off. And now she's probably going to get out there and start dating again.

She seems really happy. And she's like, God, the decision not have children like this huge weight lifted. Like, I feel young. I feel like I'm a whole life ahead of me. Like I don't need to kind of go by this biological clock. And, you know, I love everything you said. co-sign all of it. Again, I can't stress this enough. This isn't like an all-moms-this. And we can't make statements like that. Those statements don't apply to life. There's no all-women this,

all-men this, all-poster's this, those statements don't hold weight. But I think some women do have children to have a purpose. And I think they haven't found passions in life in terms of not just career, whatever it may be. And they want kids, sure, but they kind of think I'll do this thing and I'll be a mom. And there's also women that have these thriving careers. They've traveled the world and then they just have kids on top of it. I always think of someone like Eden, who has this amazing career and also has a daughter in the mix and maybe she'll have another kid one day. I don't like, you can do it all or you cannot do it all. You could just be a mom and that's fine. All of it's fine. It's like whatever you want, but like just make sure before you have kids that you have really

thought about, is there more you want to do? And what does that look like? And that's also not to say that you can't have kids and also find some other passion later in life. I know this woman in Atlanta named Jen Smith. I adore her. She's a comedian. She started doing comedy after she had two kids. And now she really kills it in the comedy scene in Atlanta and beyond. She's come here.

She's done shows. Like started doing stand-of-comedy as a mom of two. And she's amazing. I think her podcast is called The Dumb Love podcast. So I'll give it a plug. That's amazing too. Like those things I get so like juiced up for shit like that. You know what I mean?

like a mom that discovers these passions later in life. But all I ever wanted to do was make a difference and make an impact. That's all I wanted to do. I knew it was never with having kids. Like you kind of felt like maybe your impact would be by being a mom. All I ever wanted to do was help women, help girls. And like that's what we get to do. And like all of you that call me mom, it like makes my day.

And I have moms message me and say, you girls are helping parent my daughters. Like I have a daughter that's 19. Like you're helping me parent. her. And like, there is no greater honor. This sounds so cheesy, but like I feel like this motherly instinct with our listener base, you know, I feel inspired by you guys. I love all your messages and your insights and we're honored to do everything. And some girl DM me the other day, she said, she said, I just had my first orgasm. It's because you girls. And I bought, I bought a vibrator. And I just, some girl had her first orgasm rolled over and DM'd me. Like, that was so special. And what you guys

have done for us is special, but you don't have to have some podcast or own a company to have this like quote unquote fulfilling life. And I think it was baked into my brain for so long that like you live your 20s and you party and then like you do what you're supposed to do and you become a wife and a mother. And like that's just not really how I've lived my life. And whether that's checking time out in New York every week for something fun that's going on, taking a class, meeting an acquaintance, inviting them to do something traveling. There's so many things you can inject into your life. Yeah. And I mean, just aside from the activities and the stuff that fills your time, just the people that you have in your life.

I mean, I have these, like, groups of girlfriends that are my friends for life. They're like my chosen family, you know, a lot of them don't have kids. And you can have, like, a family that doesn't include children that you birthed out of your vagina. And people that say you're going to grow up and be lonely, no, I won't. No, I won't. Okay? Half of my friends don't want kids.

And those are the friends that I'll be friends with. And then I'll go, hang out my friends that do have kids. And then I'll leave their houses and go have a good life. Yeah. And then we'll have, like, I don't know if you're a brother. is going to have kids. I'll have my nieces and nephews. And I wanted to talk about this. Rachel Cargill, who I'm sure a lot of you guys know, she's an incredible black woman activist. And she is a separate Instagram account aside from Rachel Cargall called Rich Antis Supreme.

Have you looked at this? And it's this community of women that don't have children. And it's, yeah, called Rich Anti-Supreme. I love that. Her Instabio, I just wanted to read her Instabio and see if this resonates with you guys. It resonates with me. It's a lifestyle. And then it's a champagne clinking emoji, but it's a celebrating and creating community with those women who choose a journey of being child-free and indulgence in the villages around them. Because we are able to give so much because of the life we've chosen, but also because we don't have kids. Like, you and I are able to do all these things and put our efforts, efforts elsewhere. Because I think there's this really false narrative of that women that don't

have children is like flamboyant and indulgent. And like, you know, it's just like, it's such the opposite. Like her whole thing, and you guys should follow them. because it's a really beautiful community on Instagram of women that don't want children. It's like, you give back in other ways. You support your community in other ways and you're able to do all this stuff because you're not solely focused on these children. And I just love that. And I mean, just to kind of wrap up this conversation is like,

it goes without saying that you can have a full, beautiful, fulfilled life without children. We do. Like so many women have done it. So many more women will do it. Children don't make a woman more valuable than a woman without children. and for a lot of people, they're not going to make you feel fulfilled. Some people are just not meant to be mothers. And some women are.

And some people are unhappy and no amount of having kids is going to make you feel fulfilled. You got to just be a fulfilled person, you know? And I spent like, I don't know, two hours the other day researching charities and linking them and doing an Instagram story and putting it online. That's what made me fulfilled. It made me happy. And some people will look at and say, well, it's not going to make you as happy as having kids. Fine.

Then you have kids. I had a great day. It's like, again, we go back to this. like you will never know true love or whatever. It's like, but you'll never know what it feels like to, I don't know, be on stage at the Wiltern and the Rams cheerleaders just performed and there's 2,000 people and they're screaming your name and you're fucking crying and you're wearing a tight red jumpsuit. You're never going to know what that feels like. So the things that we've gotten to feel is the life choices we've made. You know what I mean? I will never know what it's like to look down

at this child that you created. I'm sure that's, immeasurable. I know it's beautiful. It's incredible, but like, we are going to have different experiences that are rare and special. And you might never know those. And that's my truth. And it's your truth. You know what I mean? Like, we need to stop shaming each other. And it's women who do it to other women. Yeah. Also, I don't, like, why are we giving other people, like, invite unsolicited advice about what they're doing with their own bodies? I didn't ask. Like, the people that say to you, like, you'll never know true love. It's like, well, then congratulations that you do and keep it to yourself.

And I have friends. I have one friend in particular that I'm no longer friends with. She had a couple kids. And she's, her Instagram bio just says, like, wife and mommy, that's what she wants to do.

She got a master's degree. She doesn't work. She wants to be a mom. That's what she wants. I think she looks at me like I'm just some reckless alien that just like runs around and travels. She doesn't get me. We just don't connect anymore at all.

That's the only friend I've ever had that experience with that had children and I don't that like stinks that I'm this like crazy wild person, I think, because all my other friends I grew up. would have kids and I love them and I spend all my time with them and their kids. Fuck that person for thinking that. If that person is like threatened by your way of life, I know the most people would look at it being threatened, but I do.

She's projecting. Yeah. So, I mean, good for her. I just don't want to be condescended to or mansplained how I should be living in my life. I'm fucking ask you. Yeah. And I want to looking at him right now, I want to shout out all the dog moms in the house because it's a commitment.

It's been a 12-year commitment to revolve my life around making sure. this animal is okay, you know? And it's just like, I know it's not the same. I'm not even close. And I know that because you can't put a kid in a crate and leave. No, I'm just going to do he isn't crated. But you can't just leave, you know, like I feel this like so sense of love and nurturing and taking care of him and he's getting older.

And we've had to his health is, you know, it's iffy. And it's been this like 12 year commitment of like loving this companion and taking care of him. And it's just like, if you don't want children, I think, and you don't want dogs, but like, I think that dogs are just so fulfilling. And I think it's so beautiful when I see these like women, whether they're single or whether they have a partner and they just have like their dog or there are multiple dogs. I look at someone like Caitlin Bristow and she posted that picture. She was like on the plane after winning, dancing with the stars with her two fucking golden

retrievers. I don't know how she got. She's so cute. It resonates with me. And that's not everybody's truth. But it's just like I, I like, I like. being responsible for this well-being and safety and health of this being. I like it. I just don't want it in any more intense form. I love that you brought up responsibility and caring, like I carrying

nature and loving, because I think that probably some people's narrative, not everybody, just terrible people, is that you're not a loving person, you're not a selfless person, that you can't take care of something, you're not responsible, you're wild and crazy or just sad, empathetic, whatever it is. And it's like, I don't have to have a child to, first of all, there's 50 reasons, but I don't want to have kids. Not loving children is not one of them. I love kids. I love my friends' kids.

I am a caring person. I have amazing relationships. My brother, my sister-in-law, my parents, tons of friends. I love and care for many people. I'm an extremely responsible person. I run this whole business with you. It's just an aspect of my life that I don't want. But it doesn't make me non-caring, loving, respectful all of the other things.

You are. I can go sign it. Thank you. I just don't feel like doing it with a helpless baby. Yeah. One thing I want to say, the only thing that ever creeps, into my head is getting older. And we all know that you take care of your parents when they get older. I feel like I started having these thoughts when my grandmother was passing when she was dying and she

was sick of like, what would this be like for her if my mom wasn't there and I wasn't there? And like, you know, what would this be like for her in this? She was in a great place. You know, she was an assisted living. And by the end, she had a 24-7 caretaker in the room with her. But, like, I couldn't shake the thought of her not having kids and dying in that room alone. I mean, I think that is a lot of people's long-term fear, is that I'm going to die alone. I won't have to take care of me. I mean, the advice I would give, at least for myself, is I might feel differently about this when I'm Haiti. I might.

I'm not going to make decisions for 80 years of my life based on how I might feel 10 years of my life. No, 100%. I might, I might regret that in the future. I don't know. you know, like you said, my dad had, my dad was hospitalized last Thanksgiving. Arlen and I, without thinking, both got up, went straight to the airport. My dad woke up in that hospital, his wife and his children were there with him. And yeah, to not do that, to not have that would be really upsetting and devastating, of course. But I love that you said that. Why would I spend

40 years, you know, being a mother when it's not something I want to do to maybe have these kids take care of me in my dying couple years? Also, I'm just, said this one thing one time to Rob or I think it was Rob. I don't want to miss quote him. But he was like, there's also no guarantee you're going to have a great relationship with your kids. You probably will because of the type of family that you already have and the type of person that you are. But there's no guarantees. There's no guarantees that your kids are going to dedicate their lives to you in your dying days either. And it's also, I think that like the rich anti-supreme, you kind of cultivate this life where you have these people around you. Matt's going to have kids.

I'm sure I'll be very close with them. His wife is younger. These feel morbid thoughts, but like I will have people to do enough to take care of me when I'm older. Maybe I'll just die when I'm in my sleep and be done with it. Who knows? I think that we'll also have like friends. You know what I mean? We talk about this with Grace Atwood. Like, let's all just be together forever.

You know what I mean? And take care of each other and you build that community. And so it never once gave me pause of should I have a kid. But it is the one thing I guess I've thought of, or is those final days, mainly because of what I saw with my grandmother. but it still doesn't mean I'm going to have them. I mean, it is also a fucked up thought, but like what Rob said, somebody else said this to me on a date too.

And he said, you know, he moved to America from Australia. And I was asking him, like, you know, how often do you see your parents? He was like, I see them like twice a year. I talk to them like every other week. And even he said to me, he was like, they put all this time and energy into raising me

and I'm 20 years out of the house. And I don't know what. They like spent 20 years of their life so that they could talk to me every other week and see me twice a year. And it's like being a parent meant everything to my parents. Like my parents loved being parents. It's the most important thing they've ever done.

I call my dad every day. We talk for hours. He wants to hear about the podcast and the advertising sales that we're doing. And every little thing wants to hear about the March sales, want new T-shirts we designed. And my dad has made being a parent, so does my mom. The most important thing it's ever happened to them. And you can do that, but you can have other things in your life.

Yeah. And there's just no guarantees. And I said this. Yeah. She's so long ago. I don't even remember what episode. You have to be ready for anything. anything. You have to want those kids so bad. You have to be ready for them to be gay, disabled.

You know what I mean? Like life can throw anything at you. And if you're not ready, you're not ready to have kids. I think that was the quote I said of like, if you are saying you don't want your kid to be gay or be transgender or whatever it is, you don't have kids yet. Figure it out. Because it's like you just don't know. And it's so unfair to bring a challenge to the world and put those expectations on them. Absolutely. Well, I want to talk about breaking this news to your parents. because I think that we've talked to all this other stuff sort of applies to your friends,

your parents are a different league, and then I want to go with dating when you don't want to kids. But you are really fortunate that your parents just fully support, whatever you want to do. I don't think they've given you a lot of shit.

And I never really had a conversation with my parents or any immediate family members about whether or not I wanted kids. And until recently I'd never done that and I didn't realize until I did it, how painful those conversations can be. And I think on the one hand,

your parents, I think that they want you to have a good life. I think their intentions are always good. I think that they want you to be fulfilled and have everything you want and have everything that they gave you. They want you to give to somebody else and they want to be grandparents and that's a whole chapter of their lives. They're really looking forward to. And I think it can be tremendously disappointing when you tell them that that's no

longer going to happen. And so I want to validate that. I think it's really scary to tell your parents that. And I think it can be very disappointing for them. And, you know, if I don't have kids, at least my parents have another child that will probably have kids. But I think that, you know, you're saying to them, I'm not going to give you this part of your life. And that can be disappointing to them. And I think that also their immediate reaction can be, what did I do as a parent that made you think that you don't want parents? And

have I fucked you up so badly that you think you're going to fuck somebody up? And I's not about you. Yeah. I sort of feel the opposite, which is that my parents gave me the best life in the world. And I did summer camps and baseball. I didn't do baseball because I can play sports, but Arland did. You know, my parents woke up every morning to take us to school and then worked all day long and then came home and cooked dinner and my parents sacrificed a tremendous amount. I had amazing parents. I felt loved and protected. I don't know that I want to honestly be bothered with somebody else.

And I had a conversation recently with an immediate family member. I mean, you guys can just guess who it was. But I sort of gave them the speech that I gave you guys about how I feel like my life has purpose and I feel like it has meaning and that you guys have given me meaning and that I feel like I've made my mark in the world. And this person said to me that that is ridiculous bullshit and that the emails that I get from listeners aren't going to protect me at night and keep me company and things like that. And how ridiculous and silly the things I was saying are. And I think that the person I was speaking to just heard the things I was saying

and basically thought I was saying to them, your life didn't have any meaning without children and that your career had no meaning and you had to have children to give your life meeting because your career didn't mean anything. And it wasn't about this person at all. And it's like we said before, if you take that personally, then I'm sorry for you. But it was really painful and really tough to be sort of laughed at and mocked and told how stupid that was. For a couple of reasons, I want to talk about my age in a minute. But I wasn't asking for anybody's opinion. I think I probably would have, I wasn't planning on having this conversation, first of all. I'd had a couple drinks. I wasn't trying to have like a sit down with my family about not wanting kids. I probably

would have managed this conversational. But differently had I been dead sober and wanted to have the conversation. I didn't know we needed to have a sit down conversation. But once I brought it up, it really spiraled out of control. I think if I could do it again, I would frame it as you guys gave me all these things. And I don't know that I feel like giving it to somebody else, to be honest. But I certainly would frame it as I'm just because I have other purpose in life. Doesn't mean I think your life had no purpose or your career wasn't special and important. And the other side of that is that, you know, being told how silly and stupid and ridiculous my feelings are, also, I would just like to say I'm of a certain age. And my ability to have children will get less and less and less as I get older.

And I am not, this is not some like decision I'm like pretending to want because of a certain age. And I've just said that I can't have kids and like, let's just save face. I don't give a shit. I'm in my mid-30s. It gets harder if you get older. Yeah. I haven't made the decision to not have kids based on my age. I have a million options if I want them.

I can adopt, I can freeze my eggs. I have the options. It's pretty cruel and unfair to tell a person who is losing their options to have children as they get older, how stupid and silly and ridiculous that is. And I didn't react very well to it. And I was incredibly insulted. And I went to the car and I was hyperventilating and crying and I'm fine now. But I don't think it's really fair.

And I want to validate you guys that this is a really tough conversation to have with your parents and to tell them this isn't something that you want. But I would stand your ground and don't let people invalid. validate what you feel. It's not silly. It's not stupid. It's not ridiculous. Because I think the only people that are really going to invalidate this are your parents. Your friends don't really have that much skin in a game if you kids or not. They don't really give a shit. You know, the top conversation is going to be with your parents. Or your in-laws, geez. Yeah, or your in-laws. You know, people who are directly affected by your choices. And I would just stand firm. The first of all,

this is not up for discussion. I'm just telling you what I'm doing. And this doesn't invalidate your choices to be a parent. I love that you're a parent. I love that my parents had me. Right. Wouldn't exist without you. But it would. wasn't really up for discussion. So anyways, I just want to validate this is really like a painful conversation to have an uncomfortable. And, you know, I would thank your parents for the life that they gave you and that's it. Yeah, exactly. I love that you said that. I'm so glad you shared that. And again, like, you can really just, if you really are worried about the conversation, you can drag it out as long as possible. You can be like, we're not sure yet. I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure

yet. We're not sure yet. Whatever you need to say. And then I know that conversation is tough for a lot of people and I think you just have to do it with so much love. And I don't. I'm like, I don't want this. My mom's like, cool. But I still know, I still am not so flippant about it because I know how badly my parents want to be grandparents. And like, I know what's going to happen for them. And I know Matt genuinely wants to be a dad as of like yesterday. Like Matt has been wanting kids for a while now for since he was always going to be a dad. So thank God. Because I just, I am thankful to Matt for taking that weight off of me because I know how badly they want it. It wouldn't make me have them. But like I, I, nobody has done more for me in my life than my parents. I'm, the number one thing in life,

I wake up every day and I'm so grateful for it. And so it's like, I'm just so glad they're going to have it. I mean, you know, hopefully everything goes according to plan. But it's like, I know they seem, you know, my aunt and uncle have all these grandkids. And it's just like, they want it so badly. So it's like, you just have to do it with so much love and like understanding. And not that you didn't. You just didn't see it coming. I didn't know that it was, it's just never like a sit down. I think that flippant is probably the best word. I think it probably sounded a little flippant in the moment because I wasn't planning on having the conversation. I said it as just like a

passing thing. Like, I don't think I'm going to have kids. It wasn't like a sit down and it might have sounded a little flippant at the moment. And I didn't say I appreciate you and your life did have meaning and I'm not invalidating you. And also what you said about how much people want kids. My mom had three miscarriages. My mom went through a lot to have Arlenai and she went through, you know, getting all kinds of fertility shots in her butt constantly. My mom, no one wanted to be a parent more than my parents and more than my mom specifically. And what she went through to do that, I'll never, I mean, I thank her forever for him alive because of it. But I think that, yeah, just I wouldn't approach it in a flippant manner. I would really think about it. I had been drinking again. That's, I was more emotionally charged. I probably would have been hysterically crying afterwards if I had just thought about it a little more, down it with more care. Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, you know, even if you do have parents, like mine that are super understanding and supportive. Like, I still keep that in mind of like, I know that you would prefer to have a bunch of grandchildren, but, you know, they're not going to come from me.

And everybody's cool with that. But yeah, I try. I can joke around and be like, they know, but I think they always kind of low-key known because they know me so well. But I love that you brought up the age thing. I mean, age aside, women struggle with fertility for a number of reasons. And I just want to bring awareness to the problematic nature of asking women who you, don't really know that well if they're having kids, when they're having kids, why they're not

having kids. Like, I think these questions are fine to ask your family members, your close friends, who are probably already talking about that type of thing with you anyway. But people who you don't know that well, think before you speak. And I'm not saying that all people who ask these types of questions have any ill intent. I'm sure I've been guilty of it before. Maybe when I was younger, you know, somebody gets married. It's like this question you just are asking, even just to make small talk or whatever, but I just want to bring it to light and put ourselves in the shoes of a woman who may be struggling to have kids or just doesn't want to share her business with you. But, but, you know, worst case scenario, a woman that is really struggling to have children and

like some rando at work is like, so are you guys having kids? And it's like, that could be painful. Because your immediate reaction, I can think of almost very few things you'd ever feel this inclination to do is your immediate reaction is to explain yourself. If anybody says you, why are you in kids? It's like, well, I mean, for me, it's like, I need to tell people. It's not because of my age. It's not because of anything. I just don't feel like doing it.

I feel like I have to defend myself. And it's like, these are strangers. You don't have to defend yourself. It's the craziest thing that somebody would ask you that and you would feel the need to explain it. Like, it's literally no one's business. And yes, of course I've asked my closest friends. Of course. Are you guys going to have kids?

Are you thinking about having kids? Not like, why aren't you having kids? I'm just curious my friends are having kids or not. And at this point, I've had the conversation with all them. I'm not going to have it again. I know where they stand. Yeah. And I just, I can pass that along to you from Kate.

I love her line. It's just on the cards from us. People shut the fuck up real quick. So, because it's not, it sounds like there might be a struggle there, but it doesn't have to. It means that we've made the decision not to. It could mean whatever and people shut the fuck up. So I just, you know, we need to normalize a lot of things, not wanting kids and also just like not asking about it and like not putting that pressure on it. And again, like, let me come back to the first thing I said.

People project and keep it in mind. Yeah. also they don't do it to men. No one throw shade or judgment that men that don't have kids. No one even asks. No one would ask the follow-up question of why. You guys don't have kids? We don't know.

No one's asking a follow-up question about that. Oh, you guys like infertile? No one's asking a dude if his sperm doesn't work. So why are people asking women if their uterus is broken? I love, I feel like there was a round of memes maybe last year or sometime of like when those family members asked. you like if you're trying. You're asking if we're fucking.

Okay, grandma. Yeah, we're fucking. Yeah, we fuck all the time, but not because of kids. I swallow it. Are you guys trying? No, he comes to my tits. Yeah, we're fucking. But I'm on birth control, so I guess, like, you know what I mean? This is like, so funny. So funny. I would just be like,

well, I mean, we fuck, but he comes in my tits. So many kids across these tits. Grandma, you should have been a blowjob. That is the meanest insult. Oh, my God. Okay, so we talked about parents. I think you probably have more experience in this than I do, and I'm curious what your thoughts are,

about dating when you don't want to have kids. Because I want to, because people are always like, when do I bring this up? I don't know. I mean, my feeling is as soon as possible, but that can be really awkward. As older, the older you get, I think it also changes. I think if you're 22, you don't want to have kids,

you don't need to bring it up as soon as possible. But I don't know. What are your feelings? Yeah, I can really only speak on myself. And first thing, on a dating app, if someone has on Hinge, for example, it says, don't have children, have children, want children, don't want children. If a guy says want children, I don't care if everything else in his profile is perfect. I click X him out because it means he cared enough and he really does and I am not going

to even do that to him. Like it's rude to do, I wouldn't want someone doing that to me. You know, I wouldn't want to have, I want children on my dating app profile, which means it's so important to me and have some man that knows he will never want children to go on a date with me. So I don't do that to other people. That's just like one little thing. I feel comfortable finding out as soon as possible. Like not a first date. You know what I mean? Because the first date, we could just be having fun and we could make out at the end of it. We could fuck whatever. Like that's one thing. But if I start to catch feelings, I wanted to come up. So I could casually date and be physical with somebody and I could know it's not really going anywhere. I dated a guy

that I knew that wasn't going to be. And we dated dated and we. And we dated dated and I had fun with him, but I knew that wasn't the guy I was going to end up with long-term, so I didn't really care. So it never needed to come up. I'm sure I said it sometime before or not. I don't really remember. It wasn't important. He didn't think I was going to be his long-term partner either.

I'm pretty sure. And we ended things. If I felt like I was starting to see someone as a long-term partner, I would bring it up. Like, you know me? I'm pretty open and pretty blunt. I would just ask it. So do you, like, do you picture yourself having kids? Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with that on a date that you've had.

a connection with somebody. I also, if I'm asked or if it comes up, I'll say it on a first date. I don't care. Because if it's, if somebody is immediately turned off, then great. Like, we never need to see each other again. Like that kind of stuff to me is like the sooner the better, but you don't need to push it if you're just not, if you don't really see a future with somebody. 100%. I mean, I, I think sooner the better. I agree that it doesn't need to come up at all. If you don't see the person as a long-term partner, I don't need to have like, I don't want of kids' conversation. I thought I was going to have one night stand with somebody and then I ended up dating him

for a while. But he told me on a first date that he didn't see himself having kids, but he did want to get married. He did want to get married. And I love that he told me on the first day. And I didn't think it was weird. And also, by the way, he didn't like harp on it and linger on it. He was just like, oh, yeah, I just don't see that for myself. And I was like, yeah, sure, same.

me too. Moving on. I think a great gateway into that. I think the way that we got into that conversation was, I think I asked him where he saw himself living long term. because we were in Charleston, and it was after our show, and I was going to go over one night's stand with this guy, but I ended up dating him.

I think I just asked him, like, do you see yourself staying in Charleston or something long term? And I think that's a good way. Like, if somebody says, oh, I just see my, like, that usually will lead into the conversation. Because, like, before people would say to me, like, do you see yourself in New York long term? My standard response was,

if I have kids and a family, I'd like to move back to Pittsburgh. And that is how I always felt. I think that's an easy way to sort of get into the conversation. And you can just shut it down after that. I think that you can learn a lot from somebody by saying like, where do you see yourself living long term? Because a lot of people link that with children. Yeah, it'll come up. Yes. I think like, you know, do you want to live in a major city? Do you live in the center of the city? I think if you sort of, most people's answers will evolve around how many bedrooms they want to have. Do they want to kids? They want

to live in a school district. Things like that. Or another way you can get into it is if they have siblings who have had kids. So I went out with a guy. He was the younger, a brother and his He had a bunch of, like his older siblings had kids. And I think I just asked, I actually, it wasn't even a guy I saw a future with, but I just out of curiosity, I think I was like, oh, do you want to have kids? And he was like, yeah, of course. And I was like, yeah, I saw that coming. But I wanted to bring up one other thing into the conversation.

Some people, again, just assume that they will. So let's talk to the women here. Men may just assume that they will because they will be with a woman that wants to. And it doesn't necessarily mean. that they really want them and it could mean that they are open to not having them. So I think you can always dig deeper. I think if a man tells you he wants kids or he pictures himself with kids and you're falling for him and you don't want kids, you can dig a little deeper there. It doesn't mean you have to write them off. So I don't want to like contradict what I said earlier. Again, if I get the vibe that

someone's like, oh, of course I'm having kids. You know, I'm going to have this many kids and this and this. I'm like, oh, you're probably not for me. But if I really liked the person, that's when you say I don't see myself having kids. Like, is this going to be a problem for you? Because a lot of guys might be like, yes, oh my gosh, it's not, it's non-negotiable. And some guys might be like, let me sit on that for a minute. Maybe I really don't care. And my most serious ex, who I saw myself with long term, I can't remember exactly where

it was. It happened probably earlier than later. But I remember the conversation coming up and literally bracing myself for what he said because I really wanted to, at that moment saw myself potentially. marrying that person and was so terrified, he would be like, oh, I 100% want to have kids. You know what I mean? And he was like, I don't really think so. I'm kind of on the fence, but I don't really see kids in my future. And I was like, yes, let's keep it moving. But prior to me, he hadn't really thought about it too hard. And he probably was like, yeah, I'll probably have kids one day. You know what I mean? Like some people, I would venture to say

more men maybe don't think about it till they have to. And I think there are people who really want to be parents and they know that and there are people who really don't want to like me who know that. And then there are so many people who are on the fence and there are people who they marry other people who are on the fence and then they decide to not have kids or have kids. And you know, that's why I love that Kate Kennedy who was married did an episode on being unsure about it. And we're all, we're human, we're flexible, we change our minds. And so I want to validate all the people that just don't really know. And we hope you figure it out one day. And if you have a partner, we hope that you are on the same page with them.

But since this episode was focused on women who don't want children, we're speaking to them. And I just think feel it out early on. But if you really start to fall for somebody, I think it's worth continuing those conversations. But I mean, if you get to a point at a standstill, if a guy is like I'm having kids, like I'm, that's what I want,

then I'm, I would probably not go any further down the road. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. And I think that like we say as soon as possible, for me, that's by date three, knowing what somebody's absolute non-negotiable is. I'm perfectly happy to date somebody like you said that's sort of on the fence about it and just see where they are. But if somebody says my life's goal is to be a dad, I'm like, like Matt,

you know, like your brother. 100%. I would not, that's not fair. I don't want to do. And I don't want to make somebody sacrifice something because they're so in love with me. Yeah. I want somebody to be okay with it. Yeah. But again, can't, can't stress it enough. Sure, there's plenty of dudes out there they're like, yep, be a dad one day and, like, actually don't really care. Yeah, just wait them out. So they could. So it's like, you have to figure out which side they are.

You know what I mean? And just like, don't get too far down the road where you're picturing your future life with them and you're falling in love without like kind of figuring that out. Yeah. And while we're here, obviously this episode isn't about wanting kids. Clearly, it's the exact opposite. But again, that stuff bringing up as soon as you want, I was just reading a book where this woman was having such a hard time dating.

and what she really wanted was to get married and have kids. And she was like, I bring it up on date one. And she said so many guys just ran from that. But she finally found the right guy because that's what she was like, I'm done wasting my time with people who don't want this. So none of that stuff, you should be scared because you're trying to find somebody whose goals align with yours. Yeah.

And it doesn't have to be so heavy. And it doesn't have to be like some long, really drawn out, you know, where do you see your kids going to school? Religious, do you want to take them to church? Like it can just be a. really easy light passing conversation. Yeah. So yeah, that's how I would handle it.

All right. Do you have anything else? Do we cover it all? No, I feel proud of this discussion. I'm excited about it. I hope you guys feel equipped with the tools to talk to your family about it or talk about it on a date. You feel empowered.

We'll do plenty of other episodes about wanting kids and having kids. And if you have a problem with what we said, don't DM us. Okay. So we are so excited about this game, this little segment we have. We just wanted to keep it in the vein. of kids, but lighten it up a little. And so we wanted to ask our listeners and also share our own stories, but ask our listeners their craziest childhood stories. I have a fucked up story to tell you. I feel like after you hear the story, you won't want kids. Okay. Well, let's then tell your story.

Okay. Also, just, I just have to say this. We got so many amazing emails and answers on the question side on Instagram and we have so many stories of our own. So we think we're going to do a bonus episode with this down the road. and dive more into like what we were like growing up and stuff like that. So we're not going to give it all away today. Yeah. Okay. The most fucked up thing I did as a kid, it was definitely in high school because that's when you're like peak asshole, you know?

And like I was 15 years old. This was my mom went out of town. She knew I was an asshole. She got a lock on her door. She locked. She like, not padlock. Just like a nice heavy duty door knob lock. She went out of town.

She locked the car keys inside of her bedroom. I wanted to take the car. I did not have a driver since I'm 15. So I decide I'm going to get the car keys out of the room And I'd seen like I don't know on television You like slip a knife in between like the frame of the door And the door and you can pop the lock over So I'm like trying and I'm trying to get a really heavy dude

And I'm like a butcher knife And I'm pulling back and I'm pulling back and pulling back And I pull back so hard I split the frame of the wall in half So like what is the little metal piece that's against the wall That when you close a door holds the door in place that popped out and the whole piece of wood split in half. I never told you.

You just broke your mom's door. I just broke my mom's door in half. So I'm in home with my boyfriend. We're like, oh my God, what are we going to do? So we got the car keys. We have the car in hand. I don't have a driver's license. Oh, my God.

We have to go down to Home Depot. We buy a new, his brother worked in construction. I swear to God, it was a totally true story. Him and his brother came over. They put a whole new wood beam down the door and a new metal bracket on the wall. we plastered it together. We repainted the door. I swear to fucking God.

We got the car keys. We like joy riding around all week. I'd keg parties at my parents' house all week. It was, I just destroyed the house completely. I destroyed the fucking door. No driver's license. Run around like two people with two permits. And then the worst part of the story is I, so I did not get caught for that.

That part. She never found out. She tells me this day that she knew, but that bitch never knew anything she didn't tell me about. I was dry. I decided to go somewhere and know the mall. I would stay in my parents' car and go to the mall. I put the car in reverse to pull out of the driveway.

The car was in drive. I floored it straight ahead into all of these boxes filled with family heirlooms. Crushed all this stuff with the car. Just like a dozen boxes. You were so bad. It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's the worst.

This is why I don't have kids. I would die if somebody did this to me. My little asshole kid. Oh, my God. I had parties all week. I, like, ruined all of our stuff. I will never forget. It's the thing I feel the most guilty about in the entire world.

Your face. Oh, my God. It's a lot. It just keeps getting worse. It's a lot. I know. It was a really fucked up week. My mom is still, like, not okay for this.

That's the most fucked up shit that I did. But I did fix the door and I paid for it. There was nothing I could do with the family heirlooms. I paid to get the carpets cleaned in the house after I had all the parties. That's it. That's the worst shit I did as a kid. That's bad. That's pretty bad.

Oh my God. I'll just, I have so many stories and I kind of want to share like the, I want to wait to the bonus episode to share like the main time I got grounded for like a boy. I like want to share kind of, uh, I'll wait. I'll share like a car story since you told a car story. Also just I got in trouble so many times. You know, I was like a straight day student. I was always really good in school.

But like I was like I got in trouble for partying all the time. Like I had a fake idea at 15. You know you'd get in trouble in like school for party and like the teachers would know. It was kind of weird. I don't know if it's still like that. But like, I remember walking in one day and, like, it was like they were just deciding they were going through the applications for National Honor Society. And like the teacher that was in charge of it pulled me into a classroom as soon as I walked in like 7.30 in the morning and like knew I had this party. Like I was always getting in trouble. I got kicked out the summer college program for party. And like a lot. It was always like drinking party and related. And that would continue throughout my life. So we, my parents live on a farm now that we've always spent time on the farm. They didn't live there. I didn't grow up on that farm. I grew up like a mile away. But we would always be out of the farm and we would have picnics out there and all the stuff. And my parents would let us like drive around on our property.

My brother could drive at like age eight with my dad in the car with him, obviously. But Matt could drive a stick in the third grade. I'm not kidding. So we would drive the cars around on our property on like a dirt road. And this was probably when I was like really close to getting my license. I was probably like almost 15, you know. And me and my cousin Lindsay were like, can we take the car just up to the house and back? Like there's like a one mile long dirt road.

You know this. Yeah. And so they were like, yeah, sure, you take the car. It was an Ultima and a Nissan Ultima. And I was like, Lindsay, let's go. And I just, I took it. I went out of the property. I was driving all around.

We like jumped this ditch. There was like all this dirt and grass underneath the bottom of the car. Like I just, Lindsay was like holding on for dear life. And she was like, Ashley, please, let's go back. Like you're really scared me. And I was like, okay. So I went back. And when we got back, you know, it's farmland.

People farm on it. There was this huge grain truck parked right in the middle of the dirt road that I didn't see before. And on either side of it are crops, like beans and corn or whatever, probably beans because corn's tall. I had to go around the truck, but I didn't want to drive too much in the beans. You know what I mean? And kill these plants. And so I just was like, I'm going to stay as close to the grain truck as I can and get around it. And I just, my depth perception was off.

And I side-swiped it and ripped the whole side of the car off. and holy shit really didn't know how bad it was Lindsay was like Lindsay's in the passenger seat she almost got she almost got her arm taken off and she's like oh my god Ashley what's that and it's just like like ripping the side of the car off and I was like oh my god and I go we drive back and we're not talking we're like oh my god oh my god oh my god you know when you're in so much trouble you know it won't be okay

just as we're about to pull back up to the picnic spot which is like again like a mile from the road where we would always have these picnics and stuff. It's like our family spot. Lindsay will never forget it. I go, I think I'm just going to turn the lights off and maybe they won't notice. Why is every kid on earth that's their plan?

What does every kid on earth just like wreck the car, pulling it to the driveway? You're like, maybe I'll just let them think they did it. All the tires were blown out on the sides crushed in. And we obviously didn't know how bad it was until we got out of the car. And oh my God. So.

everybody was furious. I obviously got super in trouble, but I'm also like, you guys let me drive. You know what I mean? Your ultimate vibe is he needs to apologize to me. Your mom was like, I can't believe you did this.

You were like, why did you give me the car? So obviously, that car was going to be my car, right? 93 Ultima. Yeah. And so my dad swears he couldn't find

the same color door. Whatever. So he put on a different color door. And listen, the car was champagne colored. It wasn't... What color was the door? Like another shade of champagne, but it was a different color. It's noticeable.

It's very noticeable. Everyone in my small town knew I drove the champagne color ultimo with a different color door. That is so embarrassing. Your dad is so funny. The king of shade. I love your dad. He was like, you want to wreck your own car that's about to be yours in a year? I'm going to put a different color door on it.

love your dad. That is the best punishment I've ever heard. Also, guys, just so you know, to put it in context, Lindsay's husband is Buck and Buck, Foxx. Yes, Lindsay's my cousin, Buck is her husband, Buckfucks. Okay, so we asked you guys with the fucked up shit. You guys did. Okay, these are the answers for, I'll just call this segment Wild Child. That's what I said on the Instagram.

So these are just some of the short answers that are so funny. Okay. This is so funny. I called 911 on my sister for ripping up my Hannah Montana poster, the Shod up. Imagine you're these people's parents and you open the door and you're like these fucking assholes. The cops are like cops are here.

What happened? We had a Hannah Montana related incident. Okay. We got a lot of these. So I just want to read one and just know that we got a ton of these, you bad bitches. Okay. Snuck my boyfriend in my bedroom window and had sex with my parents in the next room. That is so bad.

I mean, go off. I just, I lived in a townhouse growing up, and so there's really no way to, like, scale the townhouse unless you put a, like, a ladder in front of the townhouse. I was always so jealous of girls and have boys sneak in the rooms because, like, you would have to scale a three-story front of a house to get up to my bedroom. Yeah. No boys were trying to fuck me when I was in high school. But, you know those double-de-titties. So, but if you, you would have to do like a full height ladder to get into my, like, there was nobody was climbing. in my window.

Okay. So nobody climbed in our windows. This is insane. I know, girl. And she swears it's true. You wrote her back? No, no, no. She wrote like, I swear on like another.

This was like a three answer slide. With my first boyfriend in high school when I was 16, I did anal in a movie theater with his brother and mother a few rows up. I got away with it. Thank God, but I farted come in the bathroom, which was gross. Do you want to know my main question? What movie? Okay, what did she say?

No, I don't know. I got to know a movie it was. I feel like it was great. Who's out here doing anal in a movie theater? That takes a lot of work. Okay, I can maybe see fucking in a movie theater. Anal in a movie theater. I can't.

How? Bitch how? How? You got to have the baddest asshole. And how big does your ass love to be if you're the driver? You're the top for anal? It's like I don't buy it. It's like just, girl, just message us again.

and I mean, explain. Explain and I need to know what movie it was. But you don't know what if this was like Aladdin. She would have had to be sitting on his lap. She's the top for this. I can't. I can't. Unless they got on all fours on a movie theater floor,

which no one's ever seen that floor before or touched it. Okay, you're right. We need the logistics of this. I need to know. You don't just like sit on someone's lap and do anal. Yeah. You can't inflict anal on yourself. All right.

I chose this one for a very specific reason. Let me explain. Okay. She says I was around six years old. went outside beside my house, pulled down my pants and took a shit. This isn't that crazy? The reason why I'm telling you this is because when I was six, I got locked out of the house somehow.

I don't know how. And my mom was in the shower. And I had to shit and I shit my pants next to our house. And when my mom finally came downstairs, saw me, I was outside crying covered in shit. So I'm glad this bitch got to voluntarily take a shit at six years old outside of the house because I had to ship my pants. Why, you just take your pants? I don't know.

I was, it was bad. I was just like, oh my, it was like a new little sweatsuit. You pooed your pants. Yeah. I was like, you couldn't take off your new little sweatsuit.

I just, I thought I could hold it. I was just like, mommy. And all I was doing was like banging on the door like, mom! And then it just happened. You know what I mean?

Like I wasn't like, I'm going to put my pants down now. No, like the time I shit my pants. I was like, the key was in my door. Your butt does, your butt abandons you. They just do you dirty. I'm so excited to get to read this.

I accidentally poisoned the girl I didn't like in fourth grade. She was fine, but I had to miss recess for a week. Bitch, you poisoned somebody when you were eight. But accidentally, how do you accidentally? It's like, it sounds like you didn't like her. It sounds. And you gave her peanuts. Yeah, I feel like that girl had a peanut allergy and you gave her peanuts.

Okay, this one is you. Okay. Ordered room service at age five when my dad was in the shower. He was not thrilled. Like in a hotel. tell you're a little kid. You're like, can I get some of them? I mean, I would 100% do that.

I did that when I was 23. I stole my dad's credit card numbers and I used to use it like at least once a week to order food to the house. And when he found out, oh, my fucking God, was he mad? It's the maddest I've ever seen him. This is so funny too because it's like, what is this like home alone too?

Like what front desk at a nice hotel is like letting a kid order first? Yeah, but most people I think just like assume like your dumb kid is like parented by somebody and being supervised. Right. Okay. Sorry, you're dumb kid. Okay. I wasn't allowed to wear thongs in middle school, so I changed into them on the bus. This is Penn 15, like when they have the thong.

My favorite episode of Penn 15, season one. Like, it's so funny to like think that you weren't allowed to wear the most uncomfortable garment. Like I don't wear thongs because I hate thongs, but like how badly did you want to wear a thong in middle school? Did you used to wear Seth and change in the bathroom or your parents just didn't care what you looked like at school. I mean, I didn't know. I didn't have to change. I mean, I got in trouble in school for like violin dress code. Like my shorts were, I like would wear stuff like two short shorts and stuff like that. But my parents always let me out of the house looking like that. I feel like my parents just like should have tried harder. I had double D titties at like 12. Okay. They should have tried harder.

This one is me. Okay. I pushed my sister into a big ass cactus as we were taking a family photo. There were multiple ones of these. Push your sibling into a cactus. It's just one of those things where you think it'll be funny and then you do it. And then like you know you'll never recover from it. I did a crazy thing. I got a crazy urge one time. I saw this big glob of hot gum on some pavement. Like in our driveway or something. Like it was like, I don't know where the gum came from, but it was like hot on the pavement. And I picked it up and put it in Matt's hair.

They had to cut it out of his hair. Oh, no. I just, it's like you get the urge. I feel like older siblings just like, it's in your nature to like pick on someone. Yeah. And you like stop doing that as you grow up and my brother became bigger than me, so I had to stop. Okay. I called my grandmother a skank whore when I was three from watching Bring It On Too Much.

What if your kid, if, listen, I got to tell you, you know why I'd be a bad parent? Because if I kid called me a skank whore, I would never stop laughing. But no, this kid's called your mom a skanker. I wouldn't be able to hold back. Like when I see my friends' kids do something so bad, I'd like go to the other room. I'm laughing so hard. I would have to laugh.

Mostly because it's not my problem. Well, and that was like I would hate because like Matt, when Matt got in trouble, it was never, my parents would always laugh. Like he always made them laugh and I would get so angry. Okay, I love this one.

I'd lay in the rain on the concrete at night and be angsty. I've always been a dramatic bitch. That is so, you're laying on the pavement in the rain. Can you imagine your kid just like lays in the rain? My parents would be like, go for it. You're like, I'm only happy when it rains. You're just like listening to garbage.

I know. I would probably be 12 listening to songs. They're so far beyond my maturity. You know what I mean? Like, angsty songs. Like the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. Oh my God. Like Leo DiCaprio and Claire Dane's like that soundtrack.

One of the funniest things I ever saw, do you know Eric Repair is? It's like a really famous chef. He owns Labernad in New York City. Really famous chef. He used to be on no reservations a lot. He was Anthony Bourdain's like best friend. Anyways, I used to work at a restaurant, and he came out with his wife.

He's so beautiful and older already. He had a son that was like being such a brat. And the son, like, I don't know. I didn't know what happened, but the son was just like sitting in the bar, pouting and crying. And I was like, oh, do you know that your son's like saying the bar? And he was like, yeah, he was being a little asshole. Let him sit there.

And I was like, this is the best parent I've ever seen. Like, that kid thought he was like punishing his parents. And I was like, that's me as a parent. I would just be like, go for it. Go for it. Go sit alone and be miserable. Oh, my God. I haven't read this yet.

Holy shit. I once sucked my best friend's brother's dick behind our local church. I was 16. My best friend found out. And I'm gay now. So no more sucking dick for her. Okay. And this last one,

I was 13 when I gave my first hand job. We would meet at the park between our houses. It was Martin Luther King Day. So middle of January, I had to walk home from this park escapade with jizz all over my hands. It was frozen on there by the time I got home. Can you imagine? walking home from a park with frozen cum on your hands.

I probably have. We've all been there. It's probably been on my shirt and my shoes. I'll tell you how to celebrate a holiday. Yeah. All right, guys. Well, thanks for listing. If you've still made it this far,

we hope this episode was enjoyable and impactful. And you know where to find us. Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Last call to get those tickets for the virtual live show this Sunday, December 13th, get the merch. You know the holiday deadlines. Rain already told you. We are Girls Got to Eat Podcast.

podcast and Instagram. Ash Hess, reina.org on Instagram, Girls underscore GottoEat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we will see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.