Girls Gotta Eat - Dick Size, Masturbating, and Guy Behavior Explained with Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Coming to you from LA, we are joined by the hilarious Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein of Stiff Socks podcast. We're having an extra uncensored discussion about dick size, the "unique" ways guys masturbate, and porn watching habits. Then they "mansplain" the reasons guys: Watch your Instagram stories after they ghost you, talk about future plans when they don't want a relationship, always resurface (sometimes after years and years), continue to DM/text you when you don't respond, and more. Before the guys join us, we're talking about the routines we already have in LA, Rayna's hot tub goal, and Ashley's shocking outdoor shower. Enjoy! Follow Trevor on Instagram @trevorwallace, Michael @blaucomedy, and check out Stiff Socks podcast. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Shopify: Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/gge. Rocket Money: Go to rocketmoney.com/gge and it could save you hundreds a year. Native: Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/ggedeo or use promo code GGEDEO at checkout. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I heard a really good word for this the other day. And see if I can pronounce it right. It's called horny. You've heard of it? Yeah. Men have this disease. Yeah. They get horny.

Yeah. And they'll come back. You can key their car, live throw me out on fire. We'll see through it. Girls got to eat. Not just another episode. Our first episode from L.A.

We live here now. Yeah. It's been an amazing week. We'll catch you guys up. We are Angelinos now. Oh, my God. Six days in. You know what it's like when you live.

somewhere you're like, do the locals actually say this? Like, do the locals say weho? Oh, I don't know. Or is that like a thing? I just asked about the Angelina's thing at a birthday party on Saturday for your best friend, Kate. Yeah. But yeah, we're here.

We're excited to catch you guys up on everything. We have a great episode. We've got guests. So this will be really fun. Yeah, we're so excited. I'm excited. I'm excited to catch you guys up. It's been just the best week.

It's been raining nonstop. Somebody just DM me was like, I'm so sorry. You guys moved here this week. I haven't taken an umbrella. this many times. I had to order an umbrella. I didn't bring my raincoat. I am not prepared. And then everybody thinks they have a hot take of like, you guys really brought the weather with you. I'm like, yeah, whatever. We just come in hot. We, it seems like, you did a rain dance. It's like, I don't want it. I've heard this. I don't want to. Your jokes are tired. It depends on who it's

coming from. You know, who told you the joke that you liked? Was he tall? If he's hot, it's funny. Right. If he's hot, it's not creepy. Yeah. So we're moved in. Yes. Are you, I love it. I love it. I feel like I've never been happier. I mean, I guess I said that when I moved to New York. But I do, I mean, yeah, we got through like a good weekend where it wasn't pouring, but we moved here in the middle of the monsoon. It's been a lot. And yeah, I'm all moved in. All my boxes arrived. And we were doing daily updates with FedEx. Rob, our FedEx customer service employee. And so everything has arrived. And I just, I feel settled. I have my yoga spot. I got my pussywaxed. my neighborhood, got my sugaring spot. Here's the thing. I was thinking about something that's a

pattern for me when I moved somewhere. I did this when I moved to Atlanta and when I moved to New York and when I moved here is I always just move very close to my best friend that lives there. Like I did that when I moved to Atlanta. Then with New York, I moved right down the street from Rob. Rob lived on 13th. I moved on 12. Then Kate, I'm two blocks from her. And it's kind of partially because I've visited so much and stayed with Rob and then with Kate so much that it felt like that neighborhood was home to me in the first place. Like I always know I was going to live in the East Village, always know I would live in West Hollywood when I moved here. But it's just nice to have that best friend that you can be like, what's the best grocery store, drug store? They can give you

recommendations. Like they know the neighborhood so well already. They kind of do the work for you before you arrive. But I was thinking that was a pattern with me. Like I move close. Like I'm not like neighborhood. I'm like, I'm going to be down the street. Like I'm going to walk over and it's like buzz, buzz, it's me. Like, Kate and I are honking when we go by each other's houses. It's cute. I saw this meme that was like, hey, it was some like middle class fancy account or something. And it was like people, like friends that are like, hey man, I just drove by. Did you hear me? I honked. This is like, that's what we're doing. I did the opposite. I moved like 40 minutes away from Ashley. Yeah. I like to live really far away from her and then very close. So the first apartment I

had in New York when she moved there was literally 45 minutes away from her. And then I moved down the street. Yeah. So I am currently like 40 minutes in Venice, depends the time of day. But I love it. I just have always wanted to live at the beach. I feel really happy there. I like to walk down Abit Kinney. I'm having like the best days in my life. I've been going to bed before 10 p.m. I've been getting up at six every day. Yeah. Being on these streets, I've been to multiple farmers markets this week. Yesterday was the best day in my life. You are really farmers marketing. You are hitting them so. So my vibe is, you guys, if you're more Ashley's friend or more Raina's friend, my vibe is every day. I like go, wake up, take a Zool for a walk and we go to a coffee shop. I'm feeling them out to see which one's

going to be my favorite, but I have my coffee, I sit outside with Azul, you can bring your dogs here everywhere. Allegedly, I'm bringing my dog everywhere. Everybody brings their dogs everywhere. Go get coffee, sit down, have coffee with a zool, do the wordal, and think about my day. And I feel like, you're just like, what farmer's market can I fuck with today? Like, are you coffee shop or farmers market? Do you even care about a coffee shop? Oh, I do. I care about a coffee shop, but I, in New York, I just like being in my apartment so much. I didn't start my day there. And then I have this great outdoor space here. So I've been trying to use it, even though it's like pouring down rain and I

hate it. But there's a ton of really good coffee shops near me. I've not been coffee shopping in the morning. I'm trying to like unpack all my boxes. So I haven't done it yet. I'm more farmer's market in the morning. I've been to mall. I have three bouquets of flowers from three different farmers markets currently. Oh my God. It's really crazy. But I'm really enjoying it. I found my massage parlor. I've already gotten a massage this week. Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I really was thinking about it. Like I wasn't sure I was going to love L.A. I've spent a lot of time here. Obviously, I never lived here. I dated somebody who lived here and I would spend weeks at time with him here, but I've never obviously lived here, and I just wasn't sure, and I have been

hyping so hard. Like, I'll be back. Every time it's like, you girls going to be back. I'm always like, Ashley probably won't, but I will. I will. I don't know. I'm six days in and I don't know that I'm going to go back to New York. You just know that I'm going to go back to New York.

You just one of the best days of my life. Like, I woke up. Oh my good. I had breakfast at the beach with my brother and my sister-in-law, they were here this weekend. And then I got to like to drive them to the airport. And I like that because I just like take care of people in my life. and I've never in New York. You can't take somebody to the airport.

You don't do that. It was nice to do something nice for them. I swung by a farmer's market on the way home. Oh my God. I laid in my living room. I listened to a sound bath on YouTube, which is so L.A. and so nice, like, going to a sound bath, a little more L.A.,

but I did it in my living room. And then I, like, napped. I met up with all these girls. I had dinner with all these, like, women that I'm meeting now. And then I came home and I watched the new Bernie Madoff documentary on Netflix. And I'm just, I feel like I'm thriving. You're really pretty.

I was asleep by, like, 930. Yeah. It was amazing. Raina's been really on her high horse about waking up early. You can't talk about it enough. Every Zoom meeting, you have to be like, I'm going to be at 6.30 now. And then everybody just kind of rolls their eyes. No one's like applauding it.

Everyone's just like, we get it. You know, I really like it because I have so much day. Well, so yes, I'm trying to get up at 8. My body is waking up at 7.45. I think this is a huge change for you. I'm not used to hearing from you at that hour of the day. I mean, I just don't want to wake up at noon on the East Coast. Yeah.

And I really do like the mornings and I really do think I'm going to be an earlier person. Like, you know me. I don't like being up at three in the morning. I just do it a lot. Like, I don't like it. It's not this thing, you know, it's like, just embrace who you are. I'm like, I don't want to be that person. It's like I took me moving to the West Coast to turn into the person that I want to be.

What time are you going to bed? I'm trying to fall asleep by one. That's impressive. I didn't get my seven hours. So I'm trying to be in bed by midnight. 1130, but I haven't started doing stand-up yet, which that kind of changes things. Like Wednesday, I'm on a 10 o'clock show. Oh.

So then, you know, come home, need to decompress a little. So we'll see. But that's where I'm at. I won't even know how the show went because I'll be asleep at 9.45. I love that it's like 11 in the morning. I've had so much day. All these people are like, yeah, I wake up early. I get it.

It's like so much day has happened. Yeah. I have had two funny things happen in my home that I want to tell you about. My phone is so loud. It's like on these. like the way it's popping against this blue couch, like this phone is obnoxious, like this bright. It's bad?

No, I like, I love me on green. I can't get it up me on green, my nails, my everything. Well, and Corey, my best friend who has two children, three children, I guess, technically, two children, one step child. She saw this in a picture of mine and she was like, what is that phone? I need it because I'm always losing my phone. Like, she was like, mom, so you just like put your phone on somewhere. You never know where it goes.

So she ordered this. I love it. She was like, you don't understand what it's like to be a mom with three children running around. You just, your phone. will be in like the freezer. Like you don't know where it ends up. I remember her saying to me, she never puts a thing down and it's just there. Whether it's like her phone, a sandwich, keys, nothing. Her phone is like an elf on the shelf. Yeah. I, that's when I'm kids, you know, I like my stuff where it is. So I had two things. Okay, you can read this first one. It made me laugh.

Did you see this email come through? Oh, no, I didn't see this. Okay. I have to read it. Yeah. I read and I drive now also, Rena. I drove Raina's car here. I'm a good driver. She complains about You drive like your student driver. Like, you know, those cars that say, like, student driver, that's you. I'm going to put it on your car. I think you're just sensitive to be. You stop and start. I can't.

I am. I'm a little sensitive. But that's that you don't take offense to it. No, it's very, it's very like, cupily where I'm like, you just drive. She doesn't like my driving. Well, and you navigate. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. We do a good job. Okay. Fun story, LA edition. This came to our email. This came to our email. I'm like, oh my God, that's so cute. I'm so excited.

And I was like, I hope I actually doesn't see this DM that I got. I got another one out for this. It jogged my memory. Okay. Hi. My boyfriend and I were walking down Abakini and we stopped at blue bottle coffee. I saw this lady walking down the street on the 6th of January at January 6th.

I saw it right for every day. Okay, we're kidding. Worst day in America. Around 4.30 wearing a white hoodie. I then realized it was Raina. I like this. She called you a lady. I know.

I already hate this female. I started. I saw this lady. I started to fan girling. I was trying to give myself a. have talk about what to say or how to awkwardly drop something, but no, I just let you walk by in the street. And I told my boyfriend, you know that show that I like to listen to that talks about sucking dick. Well, one of the hosts just walked past. Right as I finished and pointing down

the street, Rana tripped on the sidewalk. This lady tripped on the sidewalk. Remember's market, she has three bouquets of flowers. No brown, no underwear. I was coming from massage. And also, I do not recall, I do not recall the trip. Just so you know, I feel like it's False news. I do not recall tripping. Oh my God. I literally laughed out loud because I imagine you guys talking about on Monday. Anyway, I'm sad. I didn't say anything because I didn't want embarrass myself. This is a lot better. This email. We're going to embarrass me. We can't wait to see you guys in Cleveland. Oh, my gosh. I'm coming to Cleveland. I told my boyfriend we're going to visit some my friends that weekend. We're from Pittsburgh. Thank you for making my Mondays

manageable. Marissa. Oh, thanks, Marissa. Thanks for catching me tripping. I don't recall tripping, but I believe you. That is so funny. It made me loud. I was excited to tell you. I was hoping you didn't see it in our inbox. She wrote an email just to embarrass me that I tripped. Okay, well, now let me find mine. And speaking of Cleveland, we have tons of shows coming up. So the most recent stuff coming up, we have Denver, Salt Lake, and Phoenix. Those are all sold out. If you guys are coming to the show, please email us stories at Girls Gotta Eat.com. Tell us who you're coming with. Roast your friends in your group. If you've single guys coming with you, anybody who's hot, if your man's coming with you, roast him.

Any stories you have that are, like, funny about people at the show, email us stories at girls got to eat.com. So get those going and we'll do some funny stuff with you guys at the show. Okay. Yay. Yeah. The shows are going to be incredible. And then I wanted to say Florida is up next.

We do have tickets for that available. So Miami, Tampa, Orlando, you can get those tickets at girls got to eat.com. Those shows are going to be so wild. They're our first theater shows in Florida. Great entertainment. We're really excited. So you can still get those tickets, please. I'm so excited.

We have all these girls coming to Miami. We're going to get a table afterwards that live. Oh, our friends. Yeah. Our friends. Yeah. So it's just going to be wild. Okay. So at this point, I will have had my first show that I'm hosting in L.A. At the improv, Andrew Collin and I are hosting the show together. But I posted on my story and this girl message me and she said, bought tickets right now and told the BF. He said, is that the tall one that sits on people's faces.

Yes. She goes, me. Yes, but her name is Ashley. I love that reputation. I do too. I love the boyfriends only like cherry pick these little things. That last girl, like, identifies, like, the sucking dick podcast. Yeah. Because they let's do it together. I love that this is how we're going to suck a dick better now. She can. And now I'm known as that girl the tripped. That lady.

That lady that tripped. That is a human. What is more embarrassing being called a lady or tripping? So humiliating. What a way to humble yourself, right? You're like, oh my God, I see somebody that's so crazy. And they trip. It's very humbling.

Okay. And then the last email or DM that we got, I may have you read it. I don't know. I was like, I was like, Ashley, like, are you? because you didn't like show your Airbnb on Instagram. I was wondering why. I was like, it's so weird. She's not.

And then you reminded me of why because people can identify them. Yeah. If I showed, if I did a full tour of the Airbnb, you would probably look up Airbnb's in the neighborhood and be able to match it. Yeah. You know exactly where I'm living. Yeah. All right.

Well, don't try to find mine, but you can read that. Oh, my God. Why are these are so long. I know. You'll know the funny part when you get to them. You can stop reading. I read this all because good job reading. All right, I'll read out.

I'll try to guys. Long-time listener, an incredible story for you in the podcast. One of my best friends lived in the same long-term Airbnb ed's you that you posted. She lived there for like six months. Literally the most incredible place, blah, blah. She describes some stuff. Okay. Anyway, when I visited last fall, we had a particularly wild evening and I had sex with my now boyfriend in your hot tub.

I was so drunk and I looked at him and said, you're my boyfriend now, right? And that's how we define our relationship right there. We went and we got in the hot tub like three days later. and my underwear were floating around in there. She left her underwear three days later. Her underwear was still floating around in the hot tub. Her underwear or her bikini bottom. She said underwear.

Why are you wearing your underwear or underpants, as Raina would call them, in a hot tub? Sometimes you just got to get into a body of water. Nobody knows that more than you do. I just imagine like it's sticking to you. Well, it seems like it came off pretty quickly and then marinated in my hot tub for three days. Have you been in the hot tub? Not yet. I lift it.

It's been pouring down rain every day. Somebody does come once a week and clean it. Okay. Thank you for saying that because... You're welcome. Well, you know I got that hot tub folliculitis. What? I...

Words funny. That was disgusting, that hot tub. Oh, I thought you about my body. All right, Raina. You don't have to go that hard. No. Wait, you were all up in that hot tub. Yeah, Kane and I got in that hot tub and, like, all this nasty shit was, like, bubbling up around his body.

So, this was... This was in the Hamptons. I mean, the house itself was meticulous. It was perfect in every way. We did have cleaners coming every week, but I don't know what happened in the hot tub. Like, no one else got it but me, but after that first weekend in the hot tub, I had a rash. We were pretty itchy after we got out of the hot tub. There was some nasty shit bubbling up around the edges.

So I had a funny story about my Airbnb. I am going to put this on Instagram at some point. When we move. No, no, I'll put this up. This is not on Airbnb. You wouldn't, it's wild. You would never see it in the photos. It's this outdoor shower that's just an indoor shower sitting outside.

It's glass walls. You can't get naked in it. I mean, my backyard's pretty private, but there's still like a window of someone that could see in. Right. Okay. It's like no one knows more about outdoor showers than me. I'm a connoisseur. They're made of different materials.

They're usually wood or they're stone or there's a curtain. Yes. Yes. The top is open so you can see the sky. you know, experience the outdoors, but they're not just glass walls. Like, it looks like someone got a shower and just stuck it outside. I don't even know what to do with it. I've thought about putting a tarp up around it or, I mean, Kate was like, Ashley, just wear your bikini. I'm like, I don't want to. I want to be naked outside showering. That's my whole vibe. It's her whole brand.

My whole brand. No one loves to be naked in a body of water more than Ashley. Yes. Like, I'm going to put on a bikini to go shower outside and then still maybe the neighbors could see me. Like, I'm shocked by it. It's hard to even comprehend the decision, maybe. I'm going to be. I'm shocked. I'm Oh, I can comprehend it. There are so many bathrooms in your home and all of them are so beautiful and well done. And I feel like the people who build this were like, build another bathroom. And they're like, we don't have any more space. And they were like, put it outside. It's just a shower. And it's just sitting there. And it's an indoor shower. It's got glass walls. It's outside. What is happening here? I'm telling you, they have like a bathroom fetish in your home. They love bathroom fixtures. And they're just like, run it back, do it again. And then the other thing, so Andrew Collin moved here with his girlfriend, we might have them on do a little touch base about moving with your partner to do a different place. And so we went out this past Friday night. We went to Laura Hardware, which is a great place. You had been before. You went on a date. Emily and I both have hooked up with guys there. It's a great spot. It's really sexy. So the three of us went out, just a third wheel in it with them. I love them so much. And they came to my house before. And I was giving them a little tour and we're outside. And there's like this kind of shed area. and I thought it was just like an owner's shed. I thought it was like a bike storage shed.

I was just like, what is this? And it has the keypad to the door. And Andrew was like, have you gone in here? I'm like, no, I don't think that's for me. I asked you about it the other day. I was like, Ashley, what's this giant thing on your property? You're like, it's a shed. I was just like, I don't think that's for me.

And he was like, well, did you try it? I was like, no. I had only been there for like three days. So I tried it with the same code as the front door and it opened up. And it was this beautiful one-bedroom apartment. it's better than the house. It's the bed is better. The shower is better.

It's better than the outside shower. I'll move in there. The closet is better. The towels are better. I don't know what's going on. I'm assuming that's a casita. The owner lit. I don't know.

I have a casita. Everybody is a cassita in California. My cassita is just a room. But no one ever told me about it. It's not on the listing. It's not in the manual. It's like a secret. And I don't think I'm supposed to be in there.

I will get in there. there, but I'm not going to live in there. I don't want to live separate than the house. Like, I'd like being in the house. But also, my bedroom's nice. But the house is, it's gorgeous, it's perfect. It's amazing. But it is older. And this feels like very new. It is really good. I'm about to go live in there. It's a fuck pad. That's what Andrew said. He was like, only fucking here. That is so you can't come. You know my vibes. I won't tell guys where I live, except for all of you. I won't tell guys where I live now, but I'll, you'll fuck them in the shed. You don't be so funny. If I bring a guy back and I'm like, I just live back here in the guest house, you know, and he thinks that's like it. And then it's, I flex on

I'm like, I have the whole house. You want to go fuck in another bedroom? How about this shower? How about this shower? How about this outside indoor shower? You're going to fuck in that shed, I think, a lot. I'm excited to date here. I can't stop talking about it and thinking about it.

I feel like we have fresh meat energy. And I feel like you're going to fuck in the shed. It's funny because it's like, it'd be nice for someone to stay and come stay. But I also have a spare bedroom that they could stay in. But like, I, like, texted Matt. And I was like, if you guys didn't have this newborn baby, I would really force you to come out here. Because now you could have this your own totally little separate space with your own bathroom. And like, not that I would care if they were in the house either, but it's just even nicer to have guests.

Actually, it's kind of nice to save a baby because I won't wake you up at night. I know. I'm like, maybe they could come. I mean, listen, if they feel comfortable, I don't know. I mean, everybody's different with them when they want to like bring a baby on a plane. But I think they should come. I think they should come as soon as possible. I'm excited to host people.

I can't wait to be out here. I'm never going back to New York. Okay. Listen, I'm excited to look back on this in like two minds and see how I feel because I am such a New Yorker. It's like so baked into who I am. My entire adult life, I mean, I grew up there. That's who I am. It's everything that I am is New York.

But like, I'm here and I'm like, I don't want to go back to like smaller space and worse weather and more expensive stuff. I don't want to do it. I did Runyon Canyon with Azul. Just incredible. It really made my heart so full because at least where I was was all the dogs were off leash. So Azul can be off leash. So he's just like running up Runyon, off leash, playing with other dogs.

I was like, this is it. I feel really happy. Like, that's all I want to do. On a weekend is like hike with him. That was one thing I was just didn't love about New York. I was like, I can't just take a zoo on a hike so easily, you know. But still, like, I still think that being here will even give us an appreciation for New York. I mean, I still will always just love the energy New York.

And those are my people. But this is pretty dope. It's pretty nice. And I am sticking to my promise. I said that I was going to say yes to everything. I put myself in this very uncomfortable situation last night. It turned out really nice because my one girlfriend from New York moved here and she was like, why don't you come to dinner? I'm going to have like a bunch of girlfriends over

and I was like, okay, I like wasn't feeling great. It's probably my least favorite social situation when everybody knows each other and you don't know anybody. I hate it. I went and it's all women. There's no men and girls can be clicky. You don't know.

And I went by myself to dinner at this place and there was 10 girls and they all knew each other and like I've been friends for a while and I went completely alone. And it turned out really nice. I mean all these really nice girls but I always promised myself

that I would say yes to doing more things and it's not something I would necessarily do in New York to like go hang out with all these girls and I don't know anybody. And it just turned on nice. It was nice to meet people and like bond and click and a couple of them to the podcast. It was like really nice to like hear that. And I don't know. It was just nice. So I'm sticking to them and I say yes to everything. And it turned out really well. And even if when you first, when I first walked in, it was a little uncomfortable because you're introducing yourself to all these girls. And you're like, do I shake their hand? Like, what do I do? I brought a bunch of food.

I was like, do you guys want some food? But I was really glad I like stuck it out. And I ended up staying for like four hours. It was really fun. Oh, fun. Yeah. It was a good time. I was on the couch last night. And the couch is a problem. Yeah. Your couch is a problem. It's a real issue. It is this giant, I don't even know what you call it.

I don't even know. I was Googling. I don't even know how to look it up. It's just like a king bed that's a couch. I don't know what it is. I mean, you've seen these. Some people have them. Laura, D.I.

And her husband in their living room, we record with them at their house. We'll have them on soon probably. Have that giant square. It's incredible. But this is even like a different level. It's all one piece. It's so. comfortable and you just are fully laying down watching TV. It's a giant TV. I'm like,

this is insane. I can't go back to any other life but this. But then I'm like falling asleep. And I'm like, I just took a nap. Like I can't. It looks nice. It's so nice. It's so luxurious. But I did yoga last night. I did make it to yoga. But I just had like 30, 40 minutes before I need to leave. And it was a Sunday. And I really had been running around doing stuff all day on packing boxes. And I was like, I'm just going to relax before I go to yoga. I put on an episode of the hills. We'll get to it. And I was like, this was a bad idea.

I'm going to fall asleep. I think it's nice. It is nice. You know, we get up early now. We go to bed early. Take a little nap in the middle of the afternoon. You hike. You go to yoga.

The problem is like it's making me not going to go out more. No, I have been doing stuff. We've been doing too much stuff. I have to remind myself that we actually live here. We don't have to see every person that we've ever met in our lives this week. And I have to like really reel it in a little bit. Yeah. Including our friends that are coming on this show.

And I was like, can we hang out after? Like, I got to pump the brakes a little bit. Well, we just space now because we're going to be here for a while. Yeah. You don't want to blow your load too early. I'm blowing it. But I did start the hills. I've been roasting you.

The reason why I'm roasting you for watching the hills is because you don't watch stuff that I recommend to you and it's insulting. I'm sorry. I know. I got you and Melanie into it at the same time and you guys are both in like season two of the hills. Are you enjoying it? I just finished it.

Well, yeah, but I just like I knew I love the hills, obviously. I love it. But now it's like we're here. So I'm like, seen all the old places and then I'll Google a place to see if it's still open. I mean, this was an 07. Yeah, it was really like, I've been Googling all those places, too, the clubs to see if they're still open. Yes, area, Gasia House. I mean, we had Gisha House in Atlanta. We had Gisha House, I think, in New York, too, it closed, like soon after I moved there.

All those places were so funny. Uh-huh. Well, also, what they wear all them was funny. There was the first episode, Adrina wears a zip-up hoodie to go out to the club. This is before Instagram existed. No one was taking photos of themselves. It's pretty shocking. It is funny to watch it and know that Instagram didn't exist. Like when Whitney falls on Good Morning America. Like I love Whitney and I interviewed her before and she's so sweet. But when she falls on that Good Morning America segment, like that would have been all over the internet. It's so true.

It doesn't happen like that. You just, people forget about it. Also, I mean, everything, this is not a hot tape, but everything on the show is fake, completely fake. Like Lauren and Whitney are like interns at TeenVogue. But Lauren was on the cover of Teen Vogue while she was working there. like the first season. Like, they don't put the interns on the... She was?

Yes. But I wouldn't have known that back then. Like, I didn't know. I didn't realize that, like, they do the young Hollywood party and they're like helping to work. But like, they are young Hollywood. Yeah. So I didn't, but I didn't think about that back then.

It didn't like ever occur to me. So, I don't know. Yeah. They would have been monsters. Heidi and Spencer of social media existed. I can't even imagine. So I finished Hill's New Beginnings. I'm all caught up and I started the city yesterday.

Oh, my God. But I think I'm done. just doing the Bernie made-up documentary on Netflix. No one loves the financial crimes documentary more than me. It's like my, it's my peak favorite thing to watch. Wolf of Wall Street is one of my favorite books, one of my favorite movies. I am obsessed with it. I just, I find it fascinating, these people that just exist in society and that we trust

them and they're doing all these things behind the scenes. So it is called Monster of Wall Street on Netflix. And it's a few parts. So yeah, so that's out right now. Okay. All right. All right. We are so excited for our first L.A. guests today.

Yes. Friends of our, we love them. They are so funny. They are L.A. comedians. You can catch them all over so you guys can tell them more later. But we just love them so much. They are the co-host of Stiff's podcast. Please welcome to the show, Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein.

Yeah. You could not so confident. Wow. No confidence. Tail it off quick. No confidence. It's almost like two words. Like Blow and Stein.

It's too many. It's one word. It's too much. That's why his Instagram is now just Blaucom. Get the Stein out of it. Dude, here's the thing. My first Instagram was M.B. Blalstein.

Is the hotmail account? What are you doing here? Too much. AOL.org. What are we doing here? What is that name? What is it? Are you Jewish?

It's Jewish. It's Jews. Okay. So many. It's so Jewish is multiple Jews. Raina, did you know that name? Blaustein. Are you flower in the community? No, I've never heard it.

Whoa. You dabble Jews? That's both of us. I do a lot of Jewish. Are you Jewish? Are you Jewish? Are you Jewish? Are you Jewish Michaels?

I'm talking with tons of Jewish Michaels. Tons. How many? All Michaels. A lot. A lot. I mean. Wait, Rayna only fucks Mike.

I do. It's my number one. And Austin. She loves an Usen. I love an Austin. If it's Justin. You're a fucking line. You're fucking line.

I'm almost a mic. So Stein loses you, but Austin is okay? Like Justin or like Justin or. Oh my God. I thought you said you fucked multiple. Austin. I thought that was a guy out there. No, but if a guy's name is Dustin and he's worked in a cheesecake factory,

Raina has fucked him. I can picture him. He's got a dangly earring on. He plays a car. cool and he's like, what are we doing today, kids? And it's like a wife and like, oh, you guys are all related. Yeah, siblings? Dude, you're the wife.

He just got off house arrest. That's who sounds like Dustin. I really thought you were piping dude's name. Dustin was definitely on house arrest. He had a drug problem. He's probably still on house arrest. But I, are they strict on house arrest? I think you'd want a day to go on house arrest.

He can't cheat. Love it. Comedy. He could actually. He could, easy. They could cheat. They'll find. If there's a way, yeah.

You just even have people come over. Yeah. Yeah. But is, but back my original question. Is house arrest like that's strict? Do we know that? They check your ankle monitor. Yeah, but keepers on it.

They'll be like, you should probably go back inside. Yeah, but I always see people with ankle monitors like playing golf. Why do you always see people with ankle monitors? Where are you golfing? Where are golfing? I've seen two different people. One caddy, obviously. And then one person is playing golf.

It wasn't a nice course. I think that, okay, so there's different. There's different. There's different parameters for the ankle monitors. You can leave the house sometimes. Some of them, like, you could go to work in the middle of the day. Where do we even start? I just, I just forget what happened in the last like two minutes.

blocked out. I loved, actually. Me too. This is literally what we just yell for an hour and a half. We're excited to have you guys. You're both comedians and friends of ours. You're both skinny guys. We talked about skinny guys with big dicks last week. Do you think it holds up that skinny guys have bigger dick. Yes. So you're dick. Yeah. Can we see? Trevor was late for the recording. So you first. Too much dick. Well, also let's talk about your podcast. Is it like stiff socks. You shared a mutual love of masturbation. We shared a sock, actually. Yeah. The same one. That's how it happened. That's the origin I saw this to somebody the other day. It's just like the name just kind of sounded cool.

We were bouncing it back and forth, back and forth. There was no actual thought that went into it. Yeah. I hate to ask you about the name because, like, it's so basic as a question. But still, I was curious if you guys really were like, we love jerking off. No, you know what's funny is we started a podcast not really having like any type of like theme or what. We just were like riffing. But when you have two guys riffing, it's inevitably just going to come to that.

And we found out that we love talking about it. And the name just so happened to feel. bit. So can I ask a really serious, important question? Please. Six inches. Is guys jerking off in socks? What did you say? I said six inches. And that's a lot. And that's a lie. That's if it's humid outside. Yeah. This is a good time to bring up an email that we got.

This girl said she hooked up with a guy after our show with the Apollo with the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And in the email she wrote, she wrote one night at the Apollo. She wrote it was like, what did she say in the email? She was like, it had to have been. seven inches. So write an email in the first place, that's gonna be a massive con. And then she followed up and was like, actually I think it was probably more like nine. Like I feel like

she got embarrassed that she thought that was like a big dick and her friends were probably like, you're writing this to Ashley. Like you gotta tell her like she's gonna burst to. I know Ashley she's just gonna laugh at you. The dick sizes are all relative because like I probably think a lot of dicks are bigger than they really are. Because I have like a small mouth and small hands and a small pussy.

You've a giant mouth right. Your jaw unlocks like a pit bull. Yeah. It's cool. Damn. Look at it. Do it. Do it. I mean, the depth of it.

You can fit a girthy dick in my mouth, but not a deep dick. I think you draw a locks. I could swallow a dick. Yeah, I could. Anyway. Yeah. I thought it was a funny email that she followed up to be like, oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't the biggest thing I've ever seen.

It must have been bigger, I swear. Did you guys respond to the email or she just followed back? She double emailed. We just talked about it. She double emailed. So she wrote in, you guys talked about it, then she wrote back. This is the first time talking about it. I didn't want to come across.

mean. I think it's a very cute that she emailed us and she's like, I fuck this guy with this huge dick. I thought it was funny that she followed up and maybe her friends were like, girl, that's not that big. Yeah, I'm just curious what, hold on. What's not that big? Seven is not that big. Now I'm like, did she say five? I want to get this right. The long, long story about this guy and she goes, when we get in the bathroom, this guy pulls out the longest penis I've ever encountered easily five to six inches. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know. The longest thing is easily to five to six inches. Okay, but if it was classic, my man's packing a subway six incher.

So the day after the show at 1146 a.m. She writes this. What state is this, by the way? Do you know? This was in New York. This was after the Apollo show. Okay. Not one of the states with the largest penis is actually.

So she's like biggest penis I've ever encountered easily five to six inches. And then the following day at six four six in the morning, she writes a follow up. Clearly my measurements were off. After discussing it again with my friends, it was closer to seven inches. is. What do you think her friends said to her? You think they got like a Coke can and a subways? And they were like, show us on the bottle where the penis is.

So here's the thing. Again, this is not, I'm not trying to dick shame. But like, I think if you told your friends like, oh my God. I saw the biggest five inch dick last night. I think your friends might be like. I would think whip. They'd be like, Jody. Jody.

I would think soft. I would think he ripped out a six inch soft dick. I don't think that most. women know, like, measurements. I think if you look at them, you go, that's a big dick. But I don't know if you can look at it and be like, oh, that's seven and a quarter. We have. I know, because I know exactly how big my cock is and I put it next to Treves.

I'm really good. I'm really good with guessing heights. And so even though I got yours kind of wrong. But I feel like I could, I'd be good at this. Gassing penis sizes? Yeah. Bring one up. I actually think I could have a talent for this.

Let's do it before we wrap it up. Let's bring one up and then you guess. Show us on the microphone how big your penises are. I need a bigger microphone. But that guy told me he had a nine-inch dick, and it just, like, wasn't that bad. Well, guys lie on dating apps how tall there, so you don't think they were live about their dick size?

Well, he was a male escort, so I'm pretty sure, like, it was, like, a thing. Yeah. Was it not nine? I never measured it, but like... I measured in centimeters that helps. It didn't bother. It didn't look that crazy to me. I measure from the end of my asshole.

My dick's massive. You go from your tape. I mean, no, way, like, literally from my asshole to the tip of my cock. That's a big of my dick is. I measure from the back of my neck down. Oh, right? I have a friend. Yeah.

I just measure someone else's dick. Okay. All right. I just think that's funny. And shout out to the friends for being real and not being like, get it, girl.

No one would do that. Everybody would make funny if you said you saw the biggest dick you ever found. Also, that dude was probably pumped. Like he whipped it down. She's like, oh my God. This is Dragon Cock?

And he's like, what? Yeah. Are you on LSD right now? She's like, yes, I am. I never got my question answered. Do you guys really jerk off in socks? No. Here's the funny thing.

I've never. Our entire podcast about it, but I have never done it. Never? I've definitely done it. I've used a sock to wipe up. It's like a middle. It's like a... Well, this boy comes not like a real person.

This boy comes like a felon. What does that mean? What does that mean? Rain has turned on no matter what is about to come next. I went on their podcast and all we talked about was like come and like Kings and my... Trevor had like nothing to contribute. Michael and I just talked the whole time. What do you mean?

You said you're a little more demure in the bedroom. Deemir. You're not as freaky. You're going to have to tell him what deemone. We're not as freaky as Michael and I are. I'm getting there. I'm watching podcasts. You just turned 30, right?

Right. Michael has like a decade on you. Yeah, but, but, but, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm watching YouTube videos. No, one of the YouTube videos you're watching. How to fuck? I'm learning.

Okay, so back to the, what, what are you, what's your cum style? I mean, it just, it just really, how do you, have you seen it in action? I mean, we talk about it non-stop. told me about it. I wouldn't want to see it live. I'd want, like, the men of black flash in my eyes after. It's not good. Go ahead. I mean, it's, it just depends on, like, what the scenario is. I mean, I come on the ground a bunch.

Right, but then what's next? Why do you come on, I mean you come on the ground? Here we go. I come on the ground. Like, you pull out and you're like, hold up. No, no, no, no. If I'm jerking off, if I'm jerking off, I generally just come on the ground. Okay, but then what?

You stand up and just aim towards the ground. I don't stand up. You just shoot it towards the ground. So, so if I'm at a desk, because I generally am because I'm doing work on my cock. And then I... Oh, you jerk off while you're, like, at working. It's just on a desktop computer.

It's just on the... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm at an IKEA. It's fucking weird. He's a limber. Dude, the standard has to just change in my life. I put it... My life is different.

Dude, I got a standing desk in my... People look through the windows like, damn, those numbers must be good. Here's the thing, though. People know what I'm jerking off because I love light and it's right, right when I'm jerking off, I just closed the blinds.

They know for sure when the blondes are closed, I'm jerking off. Oh, yeah. For sure. It's, it's, it's 2 p.m. What are you doing? I did it with my, 100%. I did it with my windows open yesterday,

and I just threw a blanket over myself. I'm not used to having all these windows being on the ground floor. I'm using the 11th floor. I know. I'm trying to figure out if people can see me on the couch. They can. People can.

They can. There's a big, like, gator on my house. Nah, they're looking. So, yeah, people are trying to look. So you just, okay, so from your standing that you're jerking off and you just aim it at the floor. Yeah, because I like, I like the freedom of it. I don't want to, listen.

How hardwood? your floor. No, hard war, but here's, you're not jerking over the carpet. I have. Okay. Dude,

Marriaths get fucked up. Like shag carpet. Oh, all over the place. Coming on a hotel floor. It doesn't, yeah,

all over the place. Don't, yeah, of course. This ruined hotel floors for me. It should do. You thought they were clean in the first place? I don't know,

but now I just don't think of them as like covered and come. Yeah. They are. They are. You guys must be staying a nice hotel.

We are. Even those are coming in. We do. Yeah. Yeah, but even those have come on the floor. Yeah, but it's a good come, you know? Dude, I was in a five-star hotel in Vancouver,

and I got it all over the leather chair, and I'm not going to lie, I was in a rush, I had to get to the airport, didn't clean it up. So I'm just letting you know that even nice hotels are, you know, come done. So you come on the floor, that's step one. Yeah, step one. What else happens?

So what else happens is the main thing is what doesn't happen is I don't clean it up. You live in a home with a woman. You both have girlfriends. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just finish. So when Treve and I first talked about this, I thought it was normal. I thought I was like, yeah, come on the ground.

And he goes, what? So the come on the ground thing wasn't normal. Okay. And then I just, I just, I just, I just, I lived alone so I never cleaned it up ever. So I brought it up to him. And I was like, yeah, man, you know what was a crazy moment in an adult's life is when I'm on the ground in my hands and knees, taking a butter knife because it's been so long. And I'm scraping it off. Michael, this isn't real.

Unreal. And I'm insane. Felon activities. Okay. This doesn't jerk off in the pen. But I'd like to say that I made strides and I'm an improved person. The assistant just quit. And I've made strides and I live with my girlfriend now.

And ever since we had that conversation, I was like, let me try to better myself and I clean up now. But I will say I still come all over the ground. The grounds my bitch. I'm an American hero. I pay rent. I'll give a shit. I'm about freedom. Patriotism.

The deductible coming back from that. Those are words coming on. Yeah, those are not deductible. What is it called? deposit. The posse. Yeah. The pod's not coming back. Trevor had to tell you to stop coming on the floor. Trevor was what, 23. This was like two years ago. Yeah. So now do you still come on the floor and you clean it up right then? Still come on the still come before, but I do clean up. Is you need like a dice and attachment for come. It'd be so nice. You need therapy. You need something. I do have therapy. You guys do better help. Better help. We do better help. Better help. Why don't you come into something that you could use to clean up with. So you, you're cleaning up is there's two, I don't want to aim. I'm having a good time. I'm having a good time. I'm not axe throwing. I want to just come.

Is there like a cute? Does your come shoot out? Oh, I'm a shooter. That's why it like has like some momentum behind it. Oh, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's like a dripping on the floor. No, no, ma'am.

It's everywhere. I feel like I can't hear this about you. I'm falling in love with you. I can't hear about it. You like, you like, I like tons of cum. You know that. Oh my God. That's right.

I love when you go. You know this. Sorry, I was like, so Raina loves cum talk, but she doesn't like come on her. So here's where we differ. So I'm like, I'll get covered and come, but then I want to immediately not look at it. I don't mind it.

I'm like, leave it. Like, this guy came like really close and a little bit, ended up in my hair. I was like, let's just go to the pool. I mean, I cleaned it off. I kept my body. But like, I wasn't freaked out by it being like close. It was like in my hair. I was like, whatever.

Let's just go to the pool. And but Raina will like beg for guys like hot come to fill her up. And like, that's not my preferred dirty talk. It's my only preferred dirty talk. So where do you prefer the day? I beg for it. I want it all over me. I don't care.

You put it all over. me. It's just I immediately need it. Yeah, but that's what we're just right to be like, to be like, to freaking do it, super suckle over and then, oh, stop. I mean, I don't pretend. I put on a good show. I'm not going to like ruin the experience. I will be covered and come and I will walk to the bathroom. Walk.

You don't get you. You walk fast. I waddle to them. Yeah. We sell cum towels. We'll get some for you guys. We have cum towels. Like your merch?

Yeah. Oh, obviously. That makes sense. Yeah. Are they golf towels though with a little carrivener? Their microfiber. They could be golf towels. That was a great word.

We should collab, guys. Trevor, where do you like to come when you jerk off? Oh, my God. This is like a serial killer. No. I would like to know the difference. I would like to know the difference between who's more wild here. Okay.

Okay, well. I usually come in the sink. Who's weird? Clean up. Quick cleanup. I come like I'm Gary Vee. Get it in, get it in, get it out. Where is the sink in relation to your body?

Like, where does it hit you on your waist? Are you arcing the cum? Wasteline, no. Like, how do you cut? So where do you think? Where do you like to jerk up? In the bathroom? Yeah, that or on my bed.

But I'm just like, usually, you know. Tell them about the bed one, Trev. The bed one. Tell them about the bed one. Like, come in a shot glass and throw it back. What's weird about that? No, the bed one, and this, and people were writing in comments on saying it was hot, so you're all wrong. I'll just, I'll put something down, like a small towel, old box or something, and then I'll turn over it and I'll be on my knees.

Boxers, boxers, yeah. Okay. No, not UPS. Old box is hilarious. There are like a box with like photos in it. No, I couldn't do that. I have a cat. He would see a box and like, what's going on in here?

You walk to Trevor's side of the bed. There's just old boxes pile up. He's like, those are my cum boxes. Have you ever come on your cat? By accident. What was that? Do you have a cat, you said? Yeah.

You've accidentally come on him? No. It wasn't on accident. I've heard. Kidding. Obviously. So how, so I tell myself a night that I'm not going to rub one out. because I'm better than that.

So I'll lay on my, I'll be laying in bed. And then I'm like, let me peruse some porn. Uh-huh. Peru is great word. I'll be scrolling. Yeah. You're getting in the deep depths of Reddit. And I'm like, what's going on here?

You jerk off at Reddit? Yeah. Yeah. He got me on that. I'm telling you it changes the game. I like the amateur shit. Yeah. You know?

I'm over the whole cartoon. Ding dong. I'm a repair man. Shut up. No, you're not. I didn't even order a pizza. Get to fuck out of it. Wait, that isn't really her stepdad and that porn.

That's amazing. No one's even stuck in anything. No one's stuff. I want to see like a Macy's employee just throwing it down. Yeah. If you work at Daveen Busters, I want to fucking see it. I'm trying to Dave and bust. I'm trying to Dave and bust.

I want that like... Let's get this in the app, the Dave and Bust. Yeah. We got to have a stuck story too. You guys have a whole... We got to get back to that. Yeah, we need to get into that as well. So anyways, so I like tease myself about I'm not going to watch porn.

I like to edge yourself. Yeah, exactly. I'm better than this. I don't need semen to sleep. Wrong. And then I scroll edit, read it and I eventually, things one go to the other,

get a little bricked up, and then I turn over in bed, and then I'll just lay a towel down, and I'll be on my knees, and I'll place the bone on the headboard. You jerk off on your own knees. You heard it. Like you're...

Yeah, I love how you're trying to make this worse than it is. No, no, no, no. Okay, rewind. Play the reaction when you said when you came on the floor. Like you're kind of on top of somebody? Ashley, a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Ashley got up and fucking did a 360 U-turn and then came back. Yeah. You like to... They're both heated after. It was a fire knife that got me. It was him on his hands and knees scraping the come off the floor.

I'm all my hands and knees coming. I don't mind this. Yeah, I'm all my hands and knees. I'm going to stand on my bed. I've just never done it before. I talked to myself while I masturbate. Also, you get a different angle, like, with your, what's happening down there where, like, the blood is going.

Exactly. I feel like I'm my smartest when I'm getting ridden. I'm like, maybe I'm not. 100%. Yeah, you have to, like, come up. So when you can hang down, even like I would sometimes masturbate, like, laying on your stomach? Not laying on your stomach, but like...

I do that. Your handpoles asleep sometimes, that's nice. But, like, where I am, like, in more of that position, because it feels nice. Yeah, I like it too. But it's like, it stretches. I can't explain it. It's nice, though. Okay, anyways. So you get on your knees and you come in your box.

Surs. Boxer. The box was... We didn't mean that. I take boxers out of a box and then use those boxes. Okay. You both have girlfriends. Yes.

Do they watch you jerk off? Like, would you ever do this in front of them? No, I don't think so. I would not come on the ground in front of her now. Does she know that you do that? Yes. I don't know. And she stayed with you?

Yeah, she's insane person. She's wonderful. She's not real, dude. Well, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I mean, I would tell everybody. It's not like a deal breaker. But she's lovely. I like somebody.

Yeah. The butter knife. The man you love is down there with a butter knife. I could never see that. The butter knife. The butter knife. Is that orange marmalade? Yeah, you're right.

If I saw it. But what if I had a designated? knife just for that. Like, I've a designated knife for packages. You have like a designated cum knife. I don't have a box cutter. I just have a steak knife. I have a box. So, can we ask you guys, like, do you talk to other guys about how they jerk off and come? Like, is every guy just has his own, like, different style? Um, I think most people have their own distinct style. For sure. Does this make your opinions about us better or worse? I just assume all guys are do weird shit like this. Like, it's just, I don't. Yeah, I think so. That's why I was saying, like, now I want to know everybody

else is weird shit. I don't think I do weird stuff. I, okay, I always, I have to be your back. You probably do. Is this a little bias coming from you,

the person of it? The person of it? I mean, I, I manually masturbate a lot. I like, man, in there with like what the fiber.

What the fuck? You get a BMW? Like, I like to use my fingers instead of like a vibrator. Oh, okay, now I'm sorry. Oh, you know my weird thing is

I have to be on my back and one leg has to be up. I have one leg down and one leg up. That's like a cat. I'm skating out here? If both legs are back, I can't really get there.

Both legs are down. I have to have one leg up. Is that probably my weird thing? Is that from like when you first started? I don't know. That's my vibe. I like it to be really dark. I can masturbate anywhere.

Couches, chairs, cars. Oh, what do you have what's going on? Laptop or phone? Only phone. And then I have to immediately. I like to just think about stuff. I listen to music a lot. You know what's weird is when you're like Spotify

Rapp comes up. Oh. You're like, you listen to. to... You listen to Mario Von Riebe. Is it like sexy music or is it like...

Yeah, like I have a lot of like sex playlist and stuff like... You know what? Does some guy just like, and then I entered her? Is it like that or like... No, I mean, just music music. It's just like Pitbull.

Like Labyrinth. You play like, Labyrinth. Like the euphoria song. Like the first prince of Bel Air. So I have a question. When we watch porn... But I listen to our app too,

which is audio porn. Plug it. So after guys come, when we watch porn, we immediately exit out of the porn I exist so, okay, I think everybody says this. I immediately exit out of it and then I immediately go to Instagram, make sure I did not post anything by accident.

Oh, what I do? You post a boomerang? Oh, shit. You accidentally docks yourself and come so long? I have half a million Instagram followers. I have to be careful. Okay. Yeah, I'm asking some weird shit and I cannot ask you on your phone.

Yeah, I'm watching it on my phone always. I never, I never computer apps. But do you go on Instagram while you're jerking off? You never know what can happen. I'm just telling you. I just, I watch. weird stuff, like stepdad's fucking their stepdaughters. And I don't want it to end up.

I don't want it to end up on Instagram. You just ever know, maybe I switch over my accent. That's like when I send someone a DM talking shit, like, if I would just send like somebody's story and send it to Raina to like talk shit on them, I go immediately to my DMs to make sure I said it. Like that's all going to send it first and then talk the shit. Yeah. I send you a DM then I go into the DMs and start.

Oh, smart. Yeah. So my question for you is, do you feel the same need when you're listening to music like a second and finish? You're like, I need to turn this off. This is too horny. No, I'll, like, lay there. So I, like, turn myself on when I'm masturbating and I just like...

You just look at yourself? No, like, I... I love these needs. I just, like, get in the mood. I like the way I sound. Like, I like my body. Like, I'm just kind of, like, feeling myself. So, I don't feel disgusted by any of it.

So cool. Do you like the way you sound? Like, do you talk to yourself? I don't talk to myself. But, like, you know, you make noises and stuff. You moan? Out loud? Not, like, so loud.

Okay. But I'm not, like, trying to be quiet. Like a white noise machine, kind of a subtle, like... The calm app. So do you think about scenarios or is it just... Yeah, but then I do... Honestly, I mean, a lot of it, this is not just a plug for our app,

but like I edit a lot of content and like it really turns me on when I'm like reading it too. Like we've talked about this. Like, girl loves a good book. And then hearing the voices, like I'm really into the whole audio porn experience.

Yeah. And reading porn. I also like it feels like a more female experience, but I can like some... But I can just like bang one out. Like it's so quick. It's just like grab the vibrator, put on a song.

put on Mariana, just get it done. I can't. That's why the sink is for me. It's quick. It's one and done. I couldn't do. For me, I need it. It's a session.

I have nine laptops. I look like I'm breaking into the Pentagon. Like it's a fucking. Wait, why is it so, can you not just do a quick one and done? I can. Yeah.

But it's like an activity for me. It's like it's fun. It's like a nice glass of wine. How often do it? You don't like chug a glass of wine. How long are you masturbating for? I mean, honestly, if I have like a chunk of time, I'm there going like minimum an hour.

What is that? Okay, I have questions about this. I mean, honestly, bro, I have, like, sweat coming down my knees. It's a fucking, it's an experience. Michael's sweating and shaking. Oh, for sure. Sweat on the chair when you get out. Oh, 100%.

People say they masturbate for fun. This is crazy. I must have a peloton class. I masturbate for five minutes or less. That's what I'm saying. Right. That's double at Cody Rigsby. This is crazy.

Like, I don't know. What do you do for more than 10 minutes? Peruse, bruce. Are you watching on? Are you watching the, okay, so I like to edge myself by watching the beginning of a bunch of different porn? So I don't look at like the money shot until I'm ready to come. Oh, of course. Yeah, I don't want to.

Is that what you're doing? You're watching the beginning of a bunch of stuff? You don't cut the cake before you want to eat it, you know what I mean? If that makes any sense. Right. So that's a good question. Are you, you're watching the beginning of a bunch of different stuff? Or you're just on Reddit. No, not the beginning.

I don't really like, I don't like narrative. Like, what do we hear for? Fuck her. I don't understand. You know what I mean? Oh, you don't like that. I hate the narrative. Fix the room, but no, fuck her.

Women like a lot of, like, build up and stories. Like, what's he doing here? Like, what's the outfit choices? The only buildup that I like is I don't like when they're just naked. I like to know what they look like in the clothes, right. When they're unwrapping the package, then I'm into it. But I start there. Why do you think that?

I don't care that you, like, can't return your Kindle. I don't get a fuck. Okay. But do you feel like you just want to see what their fashion looks like? No, not fashion. I like the undressing. The undressing is so hot to me. Okay.

Like the, yeah, that's so hot to me. But then I'll skip because then it takes too long to close. So I'll skip. I just want to know what that looks like. But yeah, I'll watch, I watch maybe like five, six minutes of, you know, the fucking or P-OV dick-sucking type stuff. And then I'll be like, cool. And then I'll move to the next one. Move to the next one.

I'll just hop around, jump on Reddit, see some amateur picks, pretend that girl sent it to me. You know. Yeah. Oh, I have a question. We can move on from this matchmaking thing. I don't like POV porn. I really don't like it. He loves it.

My favorite. He thinks he's the guy. I am the guy. Yeah, do you like P-OV-B porn? I don't watch a lot of porn. Okay. Sometimes it's from the person's point of view. Like, it says though you're the person fucking.

It feels like a... You don't ever listen to music and pretend you're the singer? Ooh. Yeah, I guess so. Do you like it? Yeah, but not what he's done. POV is fine, like, because it feels like an authentic amateur type of thing. But he likes P-O-V-B, like hand jobs.

Oh, my favorite foot jobs, hand jobs. I love two girls giving the old, H-E-A-D. So if you're watching a lot of porn, are you wanting that stuff? in your relationship? Yeah. Okay. 100%.

Does she watch a lot of porn too? Um, she watches a fair amount. What we've been doing, which is like so odd as we've been like inserting, and we've only done it actually a couple of times, but like inserting like porn within sex. She would like watch porn as, which I've never done before. Now that's a Peloton course, right? Yes. A little bit of that.

Um, but yeah, she doesn't watch like, she doesn't watch a ton of porn. I'm not opposed to it. I've never watched porn while I was having sex, I don't think. I'm always curious how like porn plays in. different people's relationships. Yeah, I mean, you see women, they're, like, insecure about it. And then people, you know. Do you guys ever watch porn with your partners?

Not even in sex or just... No, I would. It's just never... I mean, I feel like I'm, like, when I'm ready to fuck, I'm just, like, ready to fuck. I'm not going to, like, turn something. I would. And also, like, I think that probably some people wouldn't love the idea of walking in on their man, like, watching porn.

I would love it. I would be like, can I get in there for you? Can I help? Yeah, my girl's no problem with that. Yeah. Cool, but I... We talked about us on our show a bunch. I can't...

Like if she's like super tired and I want you or whatever, she's like, maybe I would, but I'm honestly super tired. But you can go whatever. I can't never have, never will. I feel like it. What? It's like, no, with someone, yeah, with her there.

Even if I'm in like the office, I just like, yeah, I want freedom when I do. I don't want to be thinking like, oh, she's about to go get a glass of milk. I don't know why the fuck she'd been milk. But like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want, I just need, oh, awake, the dog's making. I don't want, I just need, I need silence, door lock. No one's coming in. Me too.

I mean, I can't. I have a hard time mastery if somebody else is around. Yeah. Like in the shower of like your man's in the bathroom or the bedroom or thing. Yeah, I got a pizza hook. You want to do some questions? Yeah, let's ask you guys some questions. I love it.

We asked our audience to give us some things they want man explained. Yes. From you guys. And we got some funny stuff, sex stuff, relationship stuff. And miscellaneous. Yes. Miscellaneous I love. Why do they speak to you as if they want a future together, like future plans, all these

things? And then tell you they're not ready for a relationship. So why do they like cosplay as though they are ready and they do? do things to lead you down the road to think that you guys are dating and then men will say men are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to be in a relationship when you start to think you're in one. I think like just like everything else, I think a lot of like, like, I think emotions obviously get an ebb and flow, right? So you can, you can in that moment want that. And then once you get it, then you're like, oh, this is not what I thought this was going to feel like with this person.

Okay. I think that happens a lot. I think there's also some horrendous assholes that will cosplay because they know they can get it faster. And then once they get it, they're like, cool, done. Also feels like it buys them time. If they're like, no, I want to marry you. Yeah, yeah.

It's like puts it in. But then why don't you want to get something right now? That's in the moment right now versus like, oh, marriage, life done. White pick a fence, kids, hamster. That's all like down the road. It's not real. You're buying time, right? Yeah.

It's in the future. But if it's like, what are we now? Why are we dating now? You're on the spot. Yeah, I think you're right where it's like there are. clear manipulators, they're just lying in the moment to get something they want. And then there's guys that they feel that in the moment. But then they like walk it back.

They're like, I did feel like that in the moment, but I don't feel like that anymore. I did want to go on a vacation when I said that last week, but I don't want it. I know. I've had those feelings like where I'm like, oh yeah,

we'll definitely go to a room, but that sounds good. And then you like come out of that bubble and you're like, oh, no, no. I would like to go to a room, maybe not with you. Yeah. Like it's,

and then you, yeah, then I, you feel like you mislead them, but you're like, in, in that moment, I wasn't lying. Uh-huh. I see you mean. You talked me off the ledge one night about something that happened exactly like that, where this guy was like, you're the person, you're the one.

I want to be with you. And then I didn't hear from him for like 24 hours. I was losing my mind. But yeah, I see you mean. It's not always that they're like trying to just fuck you. Like they might be mean at the moment. So like, but what's the answer to this? Like how do we stop people from doing this to us?

I mean, I think it's a red flag when I feel like a guy. future tripping that they're just like, yeah, we're going to do this and we're going to do this. If it feels misplaced or it feels too soon, that it's not in the natural sequence of a relationship, I just think avoid it. I don't think it's a good sign. I don't think early, like early plans like that. Yeah. I think it's always that we're going to do this and this is like, I met you 11 days.

When they're like, we're going to give you 100K a year. We're going to give you all these benefits, eight weeks vacation time. You're like, yeah, yeah, but what about now? Yeah. Also, I'm a janitor. What are you even talking about? Okay, this is one that just we talk about all the time. I love hearing people's take.

Guys, I deal with this a lot. Guys that are just in the DMs or the text do not get the hint, we'll keep going. Keep responding to every story. Like, you have not responded back in eight to 27 times and they are still going. And cannot dig up some dignity and stop. So why? Here's my take.

Just hear me out before everyone yells at me. I think that everything. every action that has been done by opposite sex in a relationship or out of a relationship. If you, it's worked once. Yeah. The honk thing has worked once for somebody. And they're like, oh, let me keep doing it. It's worked once.

So I think this whole like, every, you know, DM, DM, DM, a text, text, text, it's that has worked. It's worked at least one. They're playing the lottery. One of them is going to hit. Yes. One of these DMs is going to get a heart back. At what point do you feel like you're like, I'm talking to myself.

in this woman's DM. You know how much dudes have you get denied? We get numb to the shit. You go out to a bar, you get, hey, how are you? Some girl gets, ew, you go, cool, and you go on to the next one. So the whole, like, action of, like, getting, like, embarrassed, it gets... You're numb to it. Yeah.

You don't feel like that. Dude, for the most part, it gets, yeah. Embarrass for certain guys, I think if I get one not messes back, I go, oh, I'm out. I didn't hear from me. Yeah, that's how we are. That's right. These guys seem abnormal to me. Well, there's definitely delusional people.

Yeah. For sure. They're doing haiku poems in there. And you're like, is this for you? Use the notes app. Yeah. But if I go out to a bar and I get turned down, my whole night, I'm thinking about that. But like my buddy, Eric, can go up to 12 different women and get rejected on all of them and be fine.

And that's because he's from Boston. So it's just like how a guy. Have I fucked him? He's a good looking dude. He played like D3 baseball for like a season. I mean, that's not a good. D3? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, he played for like, Bakerfield Farm League. I don't know if that's better or worse. That's not even real. It's real. It's a drug friend. But like, oh dude,

this guy used to throw ice cubes out of a girl from the bar and still would somehow like get their number. Like with like Kobe into their drink and then they go back

what the fuck and then you look over and like that guy did that though and then he just like Kobe and it landed that's kind of cute though yeah if he was cute

that's the type of guy creepy if you're hot he gets closed on site if it landed a name my drink a memoir in your DMs and then you don't respond he's fine with it.

I guess there's also the opportunity that like will work at some point. Like, what's like... It has worked. Yeah, but like this guy, like he'll... Somebody in mind, I have a bunch of people to do this to both of us.

It's just like 10 times they'll just like text, text, text. I guess if you're not like, hey, fuck you, like, they're not losing anything. Yeah. It might work sometimes. I just... This guy, I mean, we talked about it. We hooked up so many years ago, maybe like 10 years ago. And he lives here.

So every time I would come here, he would just be in my DMs nonstop. I do not respond. Then he showed to my show. Like, he came to one of my comedy shows. Like, and then he... He recently has been called, like he called me. Well, men are delusional. This is insane.

He thinks that you moved to L.A. forehand. Yeah. He's, about fucking time. I haven't responded to him in three years. And he's like, here she's. Like, you just responded to him by moving to L.A. Yeah. You're right.

We're probably going to be together. I think men are just delusional. Yeah. Also, maybe he's not delusional. Maybe your vagina is so good that he can't help himself. He should have, he should have hit me up when he had the chance. You know, we should take the advantage. I was, like, into him 10 years ago.

It's that regret. He wants to get back in because he had it before. And I was like, but now it's like, I've glowed up and he's glowed down. It's like there's no chance. The glow down is horrendous. You're insulting me by thinking we're even, you know? In the same tax bracket.

Tell them. Tell them about your app. Okay. Why do you guys always come back? No matter what, no matter what they do to you, how dirty they do you, if they cheat on you, if they act like really shitty, they always circle back. Actually, I always say they always come back.

I heard a really good one. word for this the other day. And see if I can pronounce it right. It's called horny. You've heard of this? Yeah. Men have this disease. Yeah.

And they'll come back. You can key their car, live throw me out on fire, but we'll see through it. But you guys don't even have any dignity about this. If you've done, like, you guys will do bad stuff and you're like, I can still get back in there.

And you try. Well, we don't. We like have this thing called self-awareness. But I think a lot of dudes and women, to be honest, because in reverse, I've had it too, and he's had it too. where you're like I can't believe

they're trying to be here. Cannot believe that you're trying to do this. Like you like bang my best friend and then you're trying to text me right now? Well, I also think. Yeah, women do it too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

I just think it's funny that men, like, I swear they have like such a shorter term memory, but they do remember that you fucked eight years ago. Yeah. Like I fucked this guy one time in the Hamptons into like 2017 and then that was it. Sounds like a novel right there. That's good.

I feel like it was there. Probably didn't talk into 2018. And he hit me up this summer. Hey, are you in the Hamptons? 22, five years later. Hey, are you in the Hamptons? What? It's the same thing.

When you come back from college and as a girl you dated back in high school, you're in college, you're like, your life's probably the same. You up and trying to fuck? She's like, I'm married. I've kids and you're like, yeah, yeah, but it's a hometown. It's me. We went to prom in 2003. I played JV football four years.

You don't want me? What do you mean? You were in Bakersfield Farm League? I did it. But I also think we'll take like, like, we associate with a location. So you guys hooked up. the Hamptons. He's like, wait, are you not at Montauquette right now? Yeah. Like, where we met five years ago? Yes, it's, yes. But I've done that too, you know? Or I think we take subtle hints.

Like, even if you like like, like, like his Instagram story or so as much as just viewed his story, he's like, I'm gonna slide back in. The view story thing is kind of crazy, though. If someone, like, viewed your story all of a sudden, they're like, you're back in. You ever, like, just hit next, next, next. So I would love to you guys talk to you guys about viewing stories, because this is always a hot topic of if you, if we've heard so many different things. We've heard guys don't know. what they're doing, they're just scrolling, they're on the toilet. It means nothing when they're watching your stories. And we've heard guys say, like, if I like a girl, I specifically won't watch your story, like, do you have any rhyme or reason about it? Yeah, I'm curious on that, too, because I think girls are a little more dice with that stuff. But they think they won't, no, they, I think they, like, won't view your story to be like...

I will mute somebody on purpose if I really like them. So, I mean... I think that's happened to me before. What is that? You just don't want to seem eager? I just don't want to seem, like, too thirsty, but it depends on what the vibe is, like, I feel like when I meet people that I have a secure attachment style with, I don't have to do stuff like that. For sure. I'm happy that you see me looking at your Instagram. I'm happy that you see that I'm involved in your life and I want to know what you're up to. I want to respond to all of it and flirt that way. But since the beginning of this podcast, such a question has been why will guys,

like, ghost you be done with you and then watch your Instagram story until the end of time. And the answer is like just because, right? It doesn't mean anything. This is Instagram, just like you're just tapping through stories. You don't really know what's next. Right. You're just channel flipping. All of a sudden you're like, oh, fuck, I push your text her back. Yeah, I don't, I don't think.

There's a lot of things that I think dudes do that you think, that people think there's like a- Has meaning. There's a meaning. And then we're sitting there and be like, bro, I don't know. Yeah, we'll post wedding photos as like a joke, you know? Like, we don't mean it. Okay.

I propose to someone like, just joking, dude. I didn't mean to. No, of course not. Okay, what have you guys, do you guys have exes that you've muted and don't look at their stuff or do you not think about that at all? You'll just look until the end of time. No, I mean, if someone's out of my life, they're out of my life, I'll, I'll like... Unfollow?

Unfollow, yeah, unfollow, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm too nice. I can't unfollow. Oh, follow. I'll just, like, mute or something. You'll mute them and not look. I mute all my exes.

I don't unfollow. My college ex, I remember I muted stories, but not grid posts. Which, you know, would be weird because she wouldn't post that much. It'd be like, once every four months, I'd be scrolling and be like, what about us? And they keep scrolling. I think it's self-preservation. I just don't want to see somebody. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody brought this up to me last night. She said she went out of date with this guy and somebody asked the question also. But it was a second date and he was like, I'm sorry. I'm a little fucked up today. My ex checked in with me. It screwed me up. And she was like, and then it was like this therapy session.

It was crazy. Why do guys use dates as therapy sessions? Why would you ever do something like that? I mean, because you can't afford therapy. Or you don't have enough friends. Or you don't have enough friends. I mean, dude, like, but I've had dates where women will do that to me where I'm like, they're just downloading their day on me.

And I'm like, we don't have enough. equity built into this for you to just download all the shit on me. I don't order a goddamn appetizer. Like, I don't. Yeah. Well, I'm not talking about the damn. I'm talking about, like, if somebody says to you, like, my ex checked in with me and I'm really upset about it, like, I don't need to hear that really from anybody.

I don't want to do that at all. I think he's just not ready to date. It's the band that got ripped off too soon. He still has those insecurities with him. It's that or there's a weird game. It's like a weird, like, oh, my ex check back in, you know, she just really wants to get back with me and blah, blah, blah, blah. It worked once.

Yeah. But do you know what I mean? Sort of like gassing himself up through this like fake therapy session. Oh, he thinks it makes him seem like deeper and I sometimes think guys just need someone to talk to. Yeah. Honestly. Like we had a friend that just this guy was just dumping on her. They'd only been out a couple times.

I was like it sounds like he just needs a friend right now. Yeah. His dog doesn't respond to him. Yeah. I feel like most dudes like don't feel comfortable like downloading all this shit on their friend, like on their guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The moment there's one woman that's like, so, how are you?

He's like, guys will try in between like a commercial and like the Super Bowl. They're like, yeah, what do you think about as Maraldi? What did you say? It's like, yeah, these wings are spicy. I don't want to hear it. I had a guy, breakup's breakup once. That was fine. I doubt that the second time he brought it up, I was like, it seems like you're not over this.

That's what I'm saying. It feels like it's too real, you know. Yeah, I don't want it. Okay, let's wrap up with a couple miscellaneous. So this is the one I mentioned earlier. Raina had asked this and I have experience with this. You want me to ask you so that you can pop off? There we go.

I asked Ashley in her response. I already blew my load on it earlier. It was, no, it's the funny thing. I feel like I can see it. Why do guys do pretend golf swings out of nowhere? That's this motherfucker. I said my ex before a stand-up show would just be walking around in the green room. So funny if he did it after sex.

Just fucking, uh. Birdie from the green. He would do baseball, but it was just like... Base was kind of hot to me. Is he hitting the ball? No. No, he was just doing like a fake swing. I mean, this is what we're saying, guys do this stuff.

The worst is shadow boxing. Yeah, it's like shadow boxing. If a maker girl come and there's go in the corners are shadow boxing, that's a problem. I think you're good at that. It's giving no name in. It's, uh, it is weird. I don't know. That or guys will love to touch the top of a doorframe on the way out.

It's so... leaving the bedroom like, yeah, how about that four minutes? I think that's like a cute thing. It's like childlike almost. Like they have to hit like a sign on the street. I don't know, but I for sure have done it in the airport. I worked on like,

you know, my forehand for tennis or like, I'll be in line in like subway and I'll just be doing like a golf grip. Just yeah, I'll have a six inch. Like I don't know what it is. It's just built in us.

I do it all the time. You do a golf grip. You don't do a swing. You just grab. Oh, I'll swing. Zooming on those hands. Huh? You were doing some motion.

That's not golf. Like a fake cross-up. Wait, I'm like a fake cross-up. Wait, I'm sorry to cross. But like a fake like a quick like one, too. Those people were walking. You know, but just. Dude, when I was a kid, I was saying.

Walking out of a Wendy's. People would be walking towards me that obviously don't know me. And I'll just cross them up and then be like, oh. There's always one thing like that in high school. You've been walking just like running late to class and you like jukech you up. He's like, got you. You're 28 in high school. You're 28.

I'm going to algebra. I'm not even focused on you. Yeah. I just came in my pants. It feels like a high school kid. He's always just like the JV guy. He was always juke and people. Right.

I'm trying to think of what's even a female equivalent. How do we have any? I break out into weird stretches sometimes. Like I just like reach down and like grab my ankles on the street. But that's because I'm like sore. From? Just being alive. I think women do stretch.

I stretch in weird places. Like I'll stretch wherever. I'll do a full body stretch. What's the hair biting? is hair biting equivalent to shadow boxing for dudes? What's hair biting? Just chewing on your hair?

I see girls do it all. Either like just constantly going like this with hair or like chewing. I do that because I do it's like a kid like feels like a real little kid thing to do. I have hair extension so I'm constantly just like making sure that they're not sticking out. I play with my hair a lot.

Yes. A lot. Okay. Okay. Ew. Perfect. Jess did I put these in. No.

Do it. Why do you guys smell? their fingers after they pee. I've never done that one time. It says why do you guys not go to the doctor's visit? Because guys are like, we're too alpha, we think we're our own doctor. I feel good. I took Advil last night.

I'm chilling. Okay, hold their dicks while pooping. What? Like, hold them? I don't know, you guys. These were our listener submissions. Someone's boyfriend did this. Mine usually have to just grab out of the water because it's just hanging in there.

Yeah. What do you do with your dick while you put? Just chills. Yeah, just... No, you know, I hold it, actually. But if you have a really big dick, wouldn't it hit the water? Well, no, you just put it up on your thigh. You put it on your thigh.

You put it on your thigh. You look at it up there. Put it on my... You don't... No. No. You don't, like, rest it on your thigh? Who are you fucking?

Like a goddamn big foot? What is happening? It's not hard. It's like small. Oh, right. It's not that big one. You don't look a bone or way of your foot being. Yeah, I mean, I've never...

thought about putting it on my thigh. That's insane. It doesn't hit the ground. It's free time. It's recess for my clock. He's just hanging out. What if you, like, are pushing really hard, though? Do you peel it all? That happens. That happens a lot. Usually, I pee. Oh, by the way, this is a huge thing on art show.

Are you going to be weeded out if you catch your new man sitting down while he pees? I don't care. I have no feelings about it. You don't like it? No, my, like, ex used to do that. The baseball boy? So he's just sitting there, just cranking him. Swinging a fake bat while he sits to pee.

He did both. When would he do the baseball swings, by the way? Like before, he like would do stand up. Okay. I thought you about to say before. It's like a hype, you know. Oh. He'd be listening to like McElmore.

Can't hold us. Who the hell is this? That's somehow worse. Shut out, Marklemore. He's my boy. But if somebody listens to Malcolmor and then does baseball swings before stand up and they bomb, I'm just in the bad.

Sir, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. He does. There's no way to listen to Macamore does a baseball saying crushes. Baby. He does a crush? Oh, okay. Yeah.

The first time I'm mad at you, you crushed. I was like, I'm going to date that guy. He's fucking hysterical. Do you guys sit to pee? Huh? Do you sit to pee? Yeah. I sit to pee at a urinal.

I need to sit to pee. So do you like to stand too? I don't like to stand, no. At all. I love to be outside. Yeah, all guys love to pee outside. I love to pee outside. No one else got that was funny.

What did you say? I said Trevor Likes to knees to pee. Yeah. Now, I missed it. Into a box, actually. Yeah. No, I think Michael's all about being feeling like a king. He's sitting on the toilet backwards.

He's relaxing. He's coming. He's disrespecting. Yeah, I just like there's a... I know. Come on the floor guy didn't seem like sit down to pee guy. I'm so dynamic. I think they're very correlated.

Yeah. I think peeing is like you're very just like free. Just like sit and you're like, yeah, take it. Oh my gosh. I talk shit to my floor. Go ahead. What is our time that we've been with these guys? 51 minutes.

51, okay. How did you actually just guess that? Wait, how'd you do that? Wait, what? You actually just guess that? I'm telling you guys right now, I do that more often than not. I'll guess people's names in the front row. I'll guess their fucking jobs.

I'll guess how long they've been together. Wait, you had a clip doing that thing. I got to tell Michael, your stand-up, your crowd work is like second and nine. Both you guys are so funny. Thank you so much. I think Trevor is amazing, too, but your crowd work is very funny. You guess people's this week. You guess somebody's profession.

Yes. Okay. I don't, I don't. Art teacher. Ever since I was young, I don't, I don't know. But like someone will ask a question, especially the number, and a number will pop in my head, and I'll just say it. How big is my dick?

Six and a half inches. Oh. Wait, so here's the thing. I'm not trying to get too, like, woo-woo. But like, you do have some psychic abilities. If you really tried to, like, tap into this, I bet you could, like, really manifest some things, predict some things. It's like, you do, like, people that have that stuff.

I do that sometimes, and I'm my friend who actually is, like, psychic. I'm just saying if you were interested you could like tap into it. But what would that look like? I don't know. You should know you're the psychic. Yeah, you should know. You should know what it would look like.

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's already great for standpoint. But like when you feel things, you should like listen, you know. You can probably like manifest some things. I'll tell you something that I've never told anybody and this everyone's going to make fun of me. I swear to God, when I'm meditating sometimes, I really think that if I tried, I could fly.

I swear to God. And when I'm meditating, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I can fly. Well, Michael, you can fly. It's called Southwest. It's called JetBlue. You get a plane ticket. I've never, I don't know.

Why aren't you trying? You say you think you could, you try really hard. I've never tried. But like when I'm meditating, I feel like I can, I feel like I can do. Where do you medit? I'm imagining him being on the floor with the cum. Just stuck? If I could just fly off.

What thing you have to watching porn for an hour and calming? I believe I could do a lot of things. I think you just nut at the ground and you felt like a little jump up. Woo! Got the garage. Yeah. Jerk off song. That's your jerkoff.

Your Spotify raps must have been horny. They were. It was. And it even said the day. Like, you played this song the most on this day. And I was like, I was fucking this guy here in L.A.

in a hotel. And I like had the sex playlist on. We fucked like four or five times that day. And I had made like a, oh my God, I love it so much. I do feel like I'm like in the video. I do really like love music so much.

I listen to almost exclusively like R&B music. I fucking love it. And you don't want to have it on when you're fucking. well, here's the problem. I get so in, I get so in tune with the music

that I'll be like having sex with a girl that I barely know. And like, you know, a fucking voice in my own song. I'm in love with you. I'm not in love with you. I just like a song. And it gives me weird fake emotions.

Got it. I can see that, but I kind of like that. Like, I really like when I'm, like, a song I really am into with on. It, like, makes the mood so much better. It makes me hornier.

Like a seductive way you like, Alexa, put on boys to men. Or do you just hit, like, run over and hit Space Bar. Well, I just would put on the playlist from Spotify, but I have yelled out to Alexa during sex. Like, I don't care. What did you yell? Play something.

Alexa, play some fucking music. Brandon of the guy, I fucked up to your birthday. Like, we were just telling Alexa to play, like, random songs during fucking all night. It was funny, yeah. Did that take it out of it? We were fucked up. So many things had taken us out of it that night anyway. Alexa play NPR.

Alexa play insane from a pop. Stiff socks podcast. That would get you. Dude, people tell us. People have sex to our podcast. Why? You guys all the time tell us sex to our podcast. right in and be like you guys came on we're having sex we just left it on

I'm gonna be honest dude we I leave the studio sometimes horned up and when I say sometimes I mean every time yeah because you've been like talking about it all we do is talk about it all you just talk about it I left the pot okay the horniest tell me what yours was the horniest I ever left the studio where I had to like immediately fuck suck a dick masturbating and it's New York you could leave the building and get ready right to it I've never I'm never gonna fuck the most of of Rain and I is that she's horny and wants to suck a dick. She's a hall-all guy. I really like it. We had a Domitrix on the show and she was talking

about how to get into kink a little bit. She's like, you just blindfold a guy a little bit. Tell him to put his hands behind his head and he can't touch him. How do you a little bit? Like a sleep mask. Oh. I ran home so fast and told my man to put on a sleep mask so I can suck his dick. He went to sleep. Like you had someone to do it immediately with. Yes. Yes. It's the Most of whoever wanted to masturbate during an episode. Her voice is unbelievable. Her mind's right now.

You want to masturbate right now? I'm kidding. Oh, no. There's something about the eye in here. The rain. The rain. Something about the rain makes you need to get semen out. It's funny that you guys said that because people leave our live shows and they say they're

super horny. And for us, it's like for us, but we're just like working. You have Chip and Dale at that bitch. Every time they're shirtless men. Yeah. All lubed up. People send us the messages that girl, fuck the guy with the biggest dick she'd ever seen. but people are like, I had a three-some after the show.

Like, people go, they leave so horny. And Rain and I are just, it's just funny to us. Like, we're not horny. And then we go to our hotel rooms alone. And then everyone else has- Except that one time last year. Sometimes that song, 10 times in a row. Yeah.

Wow. That's so funny. I once I'm at a show this, I asked this guy in the front row what his name was. And he goes, ew. And I was like, what the fuck? I remember that. And I go, what's your name? She goes, Tabitha.

And then I started saying like, Tabitha, what kind of name is that? Bob, blah, blah, blah. I get a message the next day. Jimmy and Tabitha fuck. No. Yeah. Jimmy and Tabitha fucked. Because in some weird way,

she like, ew, that guy was like, what the fuck? But like, kind of like nagging him a little bit. And then she waited for him outside of the show. I don't know how they found who was who. But I was in the meet and green. Somebody's like, yeah, Tabith was looking for Jimmy. Wait, I love this. Also, I'm familiar with the clip.

Thank you. I love it. I think I'm probably the tab of the clip. It's like one of my favorites. Thank you. I don't know it. I'll have to watch it. Stuff like this happens in our show.

Like we brought these two single people up, one night. Someone emailed, like, I'm going through a break. I just got through a breakup. This guy was there. We, like, brought him up on stage, introduce them. They fucked that night. Like, we feel so validated. Like, that is so funny. That happened. I'm so glad I know. But I think it's also like it's, you guys are at the show together. You all in this

experience together. So it feels like you're all in it together. Yeah. The same show, you feel the same. That's why I fuck the security guards after our show. I feel like they're really in it. They've been protecting me in time. If he can't even protect his dick. Okay, no one's trying to protect their dick from me. Trevor?

Yeah, but like, I mean, that's his job. security guard to the Apollo, we're not having it. This is a real thing? I dated one of the security guards. Raina loves a security guard from Tampa. Like, look, I... He was from Charleston, okay? And he's very hot.

Yeah, but if I'm paying for the security that night, I want you to protect me. I want you to fuck me, okay? I want you to fuck me. God. I need you to focus. I can't have you thinking about... You know, about a man in a uniform drinking a mountain dude at 8.m.

I was trying to focus. I made eye contact with him in the middle of a show, and I looked at him and I was like, I would let you murder me. You said that to him? Yeah, I like lost track of like everything I was saying. She got busted. Yeah, so.

She really did. She dated him. You dated him? You dated him? He spent Christmas with him? Dude, what is happening? What did he get you a nightstick? It's like, six five and his two full tattoo sleeves.

He's bald of the beard. He's just like perfect. Yeah, it's a security guard. That checks out. Yeah. Where is he from? Charleston. South Carolina?

You told me about this guy, I think. Probably. Charleston sounds a lot. You're like bald guys, right? Love a ball guy. Interesting. Yeah. Can't relate.

Yeah. I can't really either. Like a full head of hair. Yeah. So, golly, Johnny Sins, does that fire you up? I am in love with Johnny. I just met him last week. Oh, my God.

Wait, who's that? He's like this mass male porn star. I'll show you later. Okay. Okay. Spicy. All right. Well, should we wrap up with you guys?

That was great. I will say before I get out of here, my sister was on who put me on to you guys. She just ran into one of you guys at a New York bathroom. She's like a big fan of you guys. And she talked to one in the bathroom. I don't know which one. Maybe I can recall this sort of. But yeah, she put me on you guys.

and then I started listening and then I connected with you guys. So this is a cool full circle moment. Yeah. Probably listening. I have to tell you guys and thank you to her. I feel like it was me. I don't remember. But if anybody has an opportunity to either of you in any city, like they can go to your

website, but you guys are both so unbelievably funny. And if somebody has like the privilege of having you in their city, they must, must, must go see you. Oh, that's so nice. That's super nice. Yeah. You guys put on an awesome show. I watch your guys show and it makes me want to do more with mine.

Yeah, well, you tell everybody like everywhere to find you guys, your website, your your podcast, everything. Troublewalliscom.com is also a tab on there for all the podcasts up or you can go to siftsox.com. And I want to have both of you guys on the podcast because I think this conversation is so natural. And I feel like we could go forward. I know. We're excited. And then we're going to bring you guys the vibrators to that.

Please. Yeah. And blow job gel. I love it. And Lou for your giant cox. And cum towel for your floor. Giant floor. Even though apparently you guys are the first.

It's a cum tal. I love it. Comes with me on tour, blowcomedy.com. That is blowcom. Blow. Wow. Wow. Well, I'm going to go rub one out in my Tesla.

Okay. You guys. I'm going to take us out. Girls GottaEat.com. Girls Got E Podcasts and Instagram. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is ranna. dot Greenberg.

Vivesonly. com. Vives only. Instagram. Girls underscore got you on Twitter. And subscribe to our YouTube and share with everybody. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys.

Bye.