Girls Gotta Eat - Dicks: Pics, Performance, and Guys Who Think With Them feat. Comedian Dylan Palladino

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

We're talking about the D with our friend/hilarious comedian Dylan Palladino -- dick pics and sexy videos (including tips), performance anxiety and what women can do when it happens, guys who just want to fuck and why. We're also chatting about roasting your partner (hot or not?), if you can make a closed-off guy commit, hot dirty talk to try, and playing a round of "I Knew He Was a Fuckboy When...". Plus we catch up on Ashley's hot doormen, work through an issue in our friendship, and discuss Rayna's dad listening to last week's x-rated episode. Hope you enjoy! Follow Dylan on Instagram @DylanJPalladino and check out his podcast We're All Psychos. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: BioClarity: Get 15% off everything at bioclarity.com with code GGE at checkout. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Ritual: Get 10% off your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. HelloFresh: Get a total of $80 off + free shipping on your first box at hellofresh.com/80GGE, code 80GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So before that, were you doing silent films? It was just pretty silent. Yeah, I was doing silent films. I had subtitles. It was like, he moans. He moans. He's close. He's close.

He squirts so much come. Wow, that's a lot of come. Holy shit. He's still coming. Oh my God. Back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. My birthday week. My birthday week episode.

It's still cancer. You're talking about cancer. Yeah, let's just do it again. Let's just do the exact same conversation from last week. I guess. I thought we were through it. I thought I feel about us did you out of this. We're here wearing my butthole shirt.

I still haven't opened mine yet. I'm so sad. Yeah, you need to get it so we can wear them together. It's sitting downstairs. I have to get the box. I've just been like, I haven't done it yet. You need a shirt that just says like, like shirts that say like, I'm with stupid, but yours says like I'm with clean butthole.

I need a shirt that says ask me if I still have a family. Do we want to start with this? Yeah. Why don't you talk about our guest today? Why do you say it like that? I don't know. We have a really cute guest today. He's really tall.

He's mine. Don't DM him. He is a great New York City comedian. He's one of our very good friends. His name is Dylan Palladino. He's so fantastic. We're going to talk about dudes in their 20s and dating. We are going to talk about your relationship with him, though.

So guys, get ready. I'm going to make it real uncomfortable. He doesn't care. It's hard to make him feel uncomfortable. Okay. Speaking of uncomfortable, your dad. well I don't know if he's my dad anymore um last week we did I think the most sexually explicit episode about my sex life at least yeah it was in general incredibly sexually explicit it is a nice summary of every single thing I've ever done it was a lot because it was like opening up with like you blew this guy you didn't know and then um like all the anal stuff like there was a lot about you but just in general it was just like not an episode you want you you want you you you know you your parents listen to and the title says butt stuff in the title like my mom listens every week

she's skipping over that one you know what I mean yeah my dad every week for 125 weeks has been like that sounds great like what's the episode this week I'm definitely gonna listen I'm like yeah do it like I just I thought we're like done with this like I thought it's like charade we've acknowledged he says he's going to listen that he doesn't listen like it's over he's never listened let's get let's like do let's get all the facts on this story straight my dad is an old Jewish man he's 73. What's his sign? He is a cancer.

No. He is? He listened to the episode the day after his birthday. Oh, that's right. Sorry, he just said about, he's a June cancer. Okay. Yeah, he's June cancer. Okay.

Right. Day after his birthday. A birthday treat for him. I mean, he comes to our live shows. He's fucking cool. Like, he'll sit through pretty much anything, but he doesn't want to, like, hear me talk about this stuff. So seriously and candidly.

And as you point out, there's butt sex in the title. That stuff. Yeah. So on Monday, he texted me. I loved Beatrice Dixon. She was a great guest. Loved the ad reads.

I don't. It's the most horrified I've ever felt. And you immediately start doing like an inventory of like all the things that you said. I don't really think he needed to do that inventory. You just know it's all bad. Well, I wrote it down. I just want to let you guys know. Seven minutes in, I acknowledged that I blew a person whose name I didn't know.

I said I like to look at guys ball sacks and watch them move and breathe after we have sex. I said my fantasy was to watch a man masturbate and have him come on me. No, on your vagina. On my vagina. Not like just on my boobs, like really disgusting. And then I was like,

and then I got a DM from one of our listeners because obviously like I listened to the episode but I haven't listened to it since he told me that he listened. I was like, all right, maybe we're out of the woods. We just three-sum-stop, blowjob step. Then a listener DM'd me. Don't forget, your dad heard you say, you will leave, come inside of you for lube,

just in case you want to have sex again. Wait, I don't even remember that. Oh, yes. And then I thought, like, well, maybe he didn't listen to the whole thing, but no, he started reciting back to me parts of the ad reads that he liked, that he enjoyed from different ad reads, all four of them. There was different, like, he made notes on the ad reads.

I called him to discuss this. Everybody was like, move and change your name. I was like, I'm just going to call him. Like, first of all, how did he listen? He has an iPhone. He used the podcast app. He saw butt stuff and clicked play. Like, I don't understand.

When you sent me that screenshot, I stopped everything I was doing. I think I was like eating with somebody and was like, I have to address this right now. I couldn't understand. And then I was like, wait, I thought he didn't listen. And you were like, he doesn't. I cannot believe two and a half years almost at this point. And this is the one he chose to dive into. I don't even know how he knows how to access the podcast.

Like, I'm saying. I don't think that I don't know how he knows how to do it. I don't know how this happened. I just, I don't know how it happened. And then I was like, because I called him and I was like, I guess I'm just going to like address the stuff he heard. And I was like, I don't understand like why you kept listening. He was like, you know, I learned so much about Ashley's butthole today.

Ask me about it. Ask me about it. Send him the T-shirt. And then he was like, and that be a dresser. man, she was, she's something else. She likes girls and guys. And I was like, I can't believe. Why are we talking about this?

Oh my God. I don't like know what I would do if my dad or my brother, like, listen to an episode. I don't even, because I mean, same with my dad. He comes to the shows. So is my brother. But they don't like put the podcast in their ear holes and like go about their day. And don't you think that like after set, it's the seven minute mark where I was like, yeah, I just like suck this guy off.

whose name, I don't know. Don't you think you would have turned it off? My dad saddled up and just like stuck through it. Yeah, exactly. That's what your dad poured himself a drink. He was like, oh, I'm settling in. He was like, oh, we have another hour and a half of this. Sign me up.

I just picture your dad, he's like in his recliner. He's like, yeah, this is where I'm going to be for the next two hours. Yeah, like, at what point do you think he was like, I've had enough? It is so humiliating. I can't believe this happened. I don't really know what I'm supposed. supposed to do the day after his birthday. He listened to this. A cancer season. I think it's like okay. He probably did go full cancer and cried a little.

I would. My dad found out I blew a person whose name I didn't know and I was like, ah, it's a weird time. You know? I think that it's okay because he fully believes that I will support him financially in his old age. And so he's like, it's fine. When he hears the the dirtier you get, he sees dollar signs. Yes. He hears dollar signs. He's like, cha-ching. Like you were like, I blow a guy I don't know his name.

He's like, chiching. When I was, like, I love keeping come in my pussy for using a lou for later. He's like, yes, go off, sis. What? What if your dad heard you say that? Go off daughter. He's like, go off daughter. Do you think he's like proud of me for how freaky I am?

Like, do you like, some people's dads are like really proud that like you're successful? Do you think my dad is like, oh. always imagined raising a girl like this. You texted my mom and he was like, you raised her right? Yeah. She knows how to take a dick. Yeah, he texts Mirna. He's like, we got a good one.

Raida can catch a major load. We did a good job. He like faked my mom for raising me. This is so embarrassing. All my brother said, I literally texted Arlen. I sent him the screenshot and he goes, yeah, dad gave up on you a long time ago. So whatever. Yeah, maybe he just doesn't think of you as his daughter anymore.

Well, if you did it before, now he definitely does not think of a comedian he likes. That's just a fan. He's like, it's funny because I don't love her anymore. Like, I can listen to her take a load because I just think of her as somebody else's prostitute. Embarrassing. Do you think he told his wife to listen to it? He was like, you could learn a thing of two about how Raina takes a dick. Right.

And that's my thing because I need to picture him logistically listening to it. Like, I don't think your dad has like rake. con earbuds, co-jiji. Like, I think that he, his phone was playing at, at volume. Like, when my mom listens to the podcast, she goes upstairs in her craft room and she puts it on, like, I feel like he

didn't have earphones in. I envision it at the computer. Oh, like full blast coming out of the office. A desktop. That's how I envision it. I don't think he knows what a podcast app is. Okay. I don't think he even knows how to access that. You went to our website.

He went to our website and listened. That's what I think he did. We run their website stats. There's one listen from desktop in all of 2020. My dad. I love this story so much. I asked people what I should do and 90% of the responses were that I should ask your parents to adopt me.

Your dad wouldn't want to hear this shit either about me. I know. Yeah. I would honestly, like we can make jokes, but like I would die. Because I mean, it's just different. Like I'm trying to, my dad has seen me on stage say the craziest stuff, tell all the dirty, offensive jokes and it's just different. I mean, you've seen it.

He just, he's the person laughing loudest in the room. But it's just, there's something about it different. That's different. When there's a crowd of people laughing. Yeah, on stage, it's a schick. I mean, yeah, I talked about like fucking my dad's employee. And he was like, ah, he was also probably so drunk. He was also looking around with the other people in the eyes and bought tickets to give you money.

Like, my dad's at the live shows. He hears all these girls yelling and screaming. He's like, yes, that's my retired. me fun. You bitches are going to like me for my life. Yeah. This is so humiliating. So that's what happened.

I still have a family somehow. I don't think so. I don't really know. Your dad's a fan. He like kept wanting to talk about it. I can't let this go. Like he was like he talked about your butthole for a while. I love it.

Thank you Bill. Yeah. He gets it. He gets me. He sees me. I think you're right. I think the answer is he no longer sees me as his child. That actually happened before now.

Like it's probably been since the first show. It's probably actually been since the first show. It's probably actually been since September 12, 2018. He was like, this is where this ends. What happened that day? Our first live show. Oh, he came to that. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it was definitely that day. Yeah. Like, I think he zoned out. Remember, someone said they looked at him and he just didn't know where his eyes were looking. He just was gazing into the distance. Yeah, he's gazing into the graveyard. That's where he was gazing into.

So that's, I don't have a doubt anymore. It's fine. I'm, listen, I'm not going to stop blowing strangers and I'm not going to stop talking about people coming on me. now you really have daddy issues. You're going to be calling everybody daddy. I like it. I like that too. Thank God I didn't say that on the podcast.

It's like the only thing I didn't say on the podcast episode. I actually think you're going to start calling people straight up, dad. I tell you. I call Dylan. Give it to me, dad. Someone's like, do you mean daddy? You're like, nope. I call Dylan baby, but I think I'm just going to segue into daddy.

Ew, it's so gross. I think it's just dad from here. your own out. Well, so no one else to call dad. Oh my gosh. That's great. Thank you. Thank you. It's really upsetting. Happy birthday, Bill. Okay. I don't, I feel like I don't

really have anything comparable or exciting to share, but I do feel like we need to discuss an issue in our friendship. Okay. Let's just put it on blast for all the listeners. Okay. And it is our discrepancy with our TV viewing. So, stuff that we like,

are this, that you're watching stuff before me and then I'm watching it too late. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're going to stop doing that for you guys to say. Well, I do think it's your fault. No. But no, this happened with normal people. This happened with there was one other one.

And then selling sunset, I watched in full, obsessed. Amazing. I love it. Yeah. I don't need to give it a full review. You talked about it last week. I love it. And just for anybody that doesn't really know this.

I don't love a ton of reality shows. So I don't watch... I'm surprised you liked it. Right. So I don't watch Bravo. I like it because it's just enough drama, but it's not like screaming and yelling and really like mean, hurtful stuff.

Because those stress me out. They give me anxiety. I don't like to watch shows where people are just like being mean and screaming at each other. So it's like there's just enough drama. And I do think they all really like each other. They're really like a family. Like that's why people like the Kardashians because there's drama, but they do still love each other as a family.

It doesn't feel like a Bravo show where in interviews, the producer says, she said that you're a fat bitch. Let's talk about that. Yeah. It doesn't feel like that. Yeah. Like,

you can tell some of the stuff has been, like, cooked up for drama, but like, I really love it. I can't recommend enough. It is the most beautiful

show I've ever seen. Like, I'm not a big real estate gal, but I think we can all appreciate, like a beautiful home. So it's like real estate porn, shoe porn. Also, like the braids,

why do they all do their hair braided every day? I mean, they all do full glam for that show. Yeah. The outfits on that show, I'm like, what is happening? But the braids are weird, right?

Just Christine. Kate Kennedy said, I'm not convinced that it wasn't shot in 2011 because of all those going out dresses. There are, I mean, they are wearing like club dresses to show off a house. Yeah, it's so much. The shoes.

Okay. Here's what I'm going to analyze. I didn't hear about the show till you really reviewed it on our podcast. I think maybe you were hesitant to recommend it to me because you know we have different opinions on reality TV. Do you feel like this is accurate? I just don't think that you love reality TV in general the way that I do. Okay.

Like, you don't, like, binge everything on Bravo the way I do. Yeah. I feel like you need to tell me, Ashley, I think you should watch the show. And I feel like that's what we're not doing as a friend. As a couple. So because I remember, like, the first time Kate said, hey, you need to watch cheer. We were in D.C. I think we just finished our show. I literally went to the hotel and, like, put it on that night.

Like, I feel like you are like, I like this, but you're not saying I think you would like it. Oh, okay. I'm not recommending it. Yeah, like you're letting our friendship down. Because we do have some different tastes. And you, I don't think there's anything that, like, I would love and you would hate and vice versa. But, like, reality shows and then I think you like some more crime stuff. Like, our TV tastes don't line up completely.

No. So maybe that's where you've been like, I don't know, she's going to. I just, I didn't recommend that super hard because you don't love reality shows. And you're not like crazy obsessed with like the real estate stuff either, which I'm obsessed with. I know. Like 50% of my follows on Instagram are interior design, architecture, real estate. Like, you didn't even know about cheap old house. houses. I think it's like, I think that's fair. I think that you were right to assume I might not

have loved it. I don't know what it is about that show. Everyone would love it. That show is, like, men I've seen love it. Like, my friends that also really don't watch reality TV love it. Like, it's something else. It's shot differently. It's shot at a higher rate of frames per second. It's shot like a movie, not like a television show. So it's beautiful. And you're so right. It doesn't feel like people are like just there to destroy each other. Even there's like a little bit of it. Yeah. And the fashion is like next level. and marries my fiance slash husband. Okay, you had the funniest take because I was like, can that dude form sentences?

He is too hot to have a brain. Let's just the first season he didn't say sentences. I know there's a language barrier. It's not that. It's that there's nothing going on up there. But when he's talking about Davina, he's forming sentences. He is passionate about one thing and one thing only. And that is his hatred for Davina.

And I'm here for it. That is the only time in like, 24 episodes that that guy talked. He went off. Real time. He has a shirt off. He's all wet. Remember when he's yelling about her coming to the wedding? Yeah. It's the only time he has an opinion. Sorry, guys.

Spoiler alert. No, that's not too much. But I can't recommend it enough. I didn't think you would like it. Okay. I'm proud of you for liking it. I feel like, listen, it's a huge deficit in our friendship that you don't really like reality TV and I feel like I can't talk to you about stuff. Like, sometimes I want to be like, oh my God, you're being like such a Ramona. But like, you don't know what that means.

We're really working through some stuff here on this episode. But also, this happened with too odd to handle. But that was because of I did want to watch it. And you actually did tell me to. So that was the third one I was thinking of. But I couldn't because I was like, I'd hope with my parents. Yes. So you did, you're right.

I think you did say you do need to watch this. But I was like, I'm trying, girl. But normal people I watched during the worst week of my life. Yeah, we can't follow you for that. Yeah. Okay. So just something sunset. All right, guys, we'll watch it.

I recommend it. I recommend you all watching. I haven't watched anything in a week because I haven't been here. So what's going to happen with shows? I've been thinking, okay, I have a lot of feelings about this. I've been thinking about this a lot because, like, I feel like when the quarantine started, everybody was like, let's release all the shows. Like, release the crack in.

Like, every single thing is out. And, like, they were just like, release everything. Everyone's home. I will give you a little behind the scenes selling sunset. There is a third season. August 7th. Fully filmed that's coming out this summer. Yeah, August 7th.

So sorry. Please. It's all my good. I didn't mean to insult you. Maybe we should watch it together. You want to come over? Christine's getting married. Ugh. Now you know. I'm not going to tear her apart, but it's hard. She's, she's hard. She's the villain. She knows. I mean, she even says, like, I'm a mean girl and I do it on purpose. But it's not fucking cool as an adult. She's like, you can sit here on the floor. Like, she knows that she's like that.

Yeah. The second season becomes very much more like mean girls first nice girls. But like, it's not cool. Like, it's not cool. Like, it's not cool to be. be a mean girl. It's one thing to be like that in high school, but it's not cool when you're under 30s. It's just, just weird. I just, I look at women today that, like, behave like that. Not her. Just all women in general. Like, when I walk into a party and I introduce myself to people and they're just not nice to me. Like, I'm kind to everybody, so I assume they're going to be kind. And if you're not, I just think that you're, like, insecure and there's something wrong with you. Like, if you can't just be, like, kind to people in general. Yeah. And there's people that are shy. I mean, there's definitely different. So we can at least respect that. Some people just aren't great and they're socially awkward. and it doesn't mean that they're like mean and stuck up.

But like also it's reality TV. They position her as a villain. She did a great job with it. So, okay. What else is going on? You said you had something to tell me. So I made like a life decision. I like,

I started to like fall into this really bad pattern. I didn't even tell you about it that much. But then I had to like reel it back in. So because I haven't been doing anything throughout this since March, you have to say it every episode. I've just gotten like a really bad habit of stalking every single person I used to date. And I've like started doing it every single day.

Like every morning I was waking up and running through the list of all of them. Are my exes in there too? Yeah, bitch, of course. Okay, just making sure. I know. Sometimes like a week ago by and I'm like, oh, I haven't talked to Ashley's exes. Okay, so this does not apply to anybody you used to date.

All the people that I used to date, I was like running through all of them. Like, if I have slept with you in the last like five years, I'm stalking you every day. And it has become like a problem. It's a hobby. I've been doing it a lot. Let's just free frame this. It's an activity.

It's an activity, but like I just, okay, so I had my birthday, like, on June 17th, and I decided, like, I need to make, like, a positive change in my life. I need to stop doing things that don't serve me. Okay. And I just feel like I'm, like, of an age where, like, it's not, like, cute and silly to me, like, chasing after your ex-boyfriends anymore. You're chasing them. I feel like I am because I just want to know everything about them. Yeah. And, like, I'm waking up in the morning and, like, running through all of them. It's weird if it's before 10 p.m. I lay in bed and do it at night. That's true. If the sun is out. It's kind of like drugs. Like, it depends on when you're doing them. Like, if you wake up and do a line of Coke, you have a problem. Yeah. If there's a coffee in your hand, it's a problem. And it was early in the morning with the coffee.

It was like, I kicked off my day. Oh, that's how you're starting. I just decided it doesn't serve me. I decided that, like, having all these people who, like, I are not, they're just, I'm not dating them anymore. They, like, they shouldn't be, like, taking up on his brain space. And it's, like, bad for me. And so I've had to stop doing it.

I have not checked on any person that I used to date since, June 17th. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Congrats. And it's really hard at first. Like it's really hard to like resist that urge because it's so easy to just do it. Yeah. You know? Because no one knows but me that I'm like hitting the crack pipe every morning.

And I just like stop doing it. And like I think that like every day you have to like remind yourself to stop doing it and you like flex that muscle to like resist the urge. And all of a sudden you just stop doing it and you're like, oh, I actually literally don't care about these people. Like, if you stop surrounding yourself with these people, you literally just don't care about them anymore. Okay. I am proud, but I also just know that these aren't people you're pining for.

Yeah. I just want to make sure they're still doing worse than me. That's the thing. I mean, I'm never going to go back. Some of my exes have given us some of the greatest laughs we've had in 2020 when we needed it most. I mean, no one is giving me more since March than your ex. We needed it. We needed that content.

But, yeah, it's, I like that you said that because. the same exercise flexing that muscle, like restraining yourself, can be applicable to like an X your stalking because you're still hung up on them. Like it's just like every day, don't do it. And then you will just stop doing it. And you just literally don't care.

Okay, but like I'm not like a perfect angel. So I did like hear from somebody and then I've been doing that for a couple of days. So the guy that I slept with in Australia in February, March, he's back in the picture. He's back in because he was like, it's been a minute since I spin it. her mouth.

I brought that up and he was like, bitch, you loved it. Remember pre-COVID? When you can just spit in someone's mouth all willy-nilly? It's so crazy what you used to be able to do, like have sex with a stranger and stay in hotels and spit on them. It's weird to even like watch shows that, I mean, we live in a totally different world and who knows when it's going to be back to normal. Wear a fucking mask everybody, by the way.

That's your PSA. And wash your hands, of course, and Carrie Hansani and all the things. But it's just kind of like, isn't it weird to like watch selling sunset and be like, oh my God, they're hugging. Like, oh my God, you're hugging a stranger. Oh, my God. Why are you kissing? Weddings. Dinner parties. Yeah. I can't look how much shit I just used to do and not think about it. It's kind of, it is, it's like, and it's sad too. Because like, and you know me, I don't feel a void of personal touch at all, but I'm still like, I miss those days. Of just being so free. Yeah. Well, he asked me if I wanted to get married today. I've had my second proposal since March. Ew. You can't marry that guy. He asked me if I want to meet him in Hawaii.

We're down to two guys that proposed to Rayna. One doesn't have a family. One doesn't have a soul. bitch how many people propose to use this march that's my type that's right of stuff oh they look alike oh they're terrible they do i fuck the second one because you look like the first one and that is i were literally at a bar and actually like he looks like the other one and then i fucked him i was a good wing woman that night i went and got a beer flight so you could order it for me a beer flight. I did a beer tasting so you could fuck this guy with no soul. I did a beer tasting so you can get your

spit in your mouth. I did a beer tasting so you could almost get choked out by a strange from Tampa. You're such a good friend. He's not from Tampa. I barely drank any of the beer. You were so excited to leave because the love is blind finale was on. Oh man. Oh man.

Speaking of Hawkeyes, we have not talked about my dormant yet. Holy shit. No one glowed up harder than the doorman in this building. Why did I come back after three months? First of all, they replaced the not so hot one with the smoke. So now they're all hot. Because he was like a little on the fence, you know.

I mean, whatever. He was like an eight. They needed a 10. Yeah. He just wasn't up to. He was fine. He was cute. He was tall, you know, but he wasn't like the level of all them.

And they replaced him with this guy that literally looks like a model. Like they were all good looking before, but they got better looking over quarantine. All of their hair looks great. Literally. Yeah. Like if you walked in and you saw all of them together, you would be like, am I in the lobby of an apartment building or is this like a male review? Like is someone going to come around the corner and start like stripping to pony? They are all so hot. All them are smokes. I feel like I have to do a Luke every time I come over here. I get nervous. They got like more jacked too. And one of them like snuck up on me the other day. He like came from the back and he yelled me. He was like, what's up rain? I was like, oh my God, he's here. Like I didn't know I looked cute enough to see him. I don't even look cute enough to see them today. Like hot. It is really crazy.

It's glowed up. Did they all work here through COVID? Like your building was like fully functioning. Yeah. They're so tough and brave. And they grew their hair out. They're all. They all look better.

But anyway. If you guys want to update on my dormant, they're still terrible. All of them are terrible. Grubborn's staying at my apartment. And she texted me last night. There's been a sign on the front desk that says, took a 15 minute break. And she said it's been two and a half hours. No.

No one's been there the whole time because she went downstairs four times to check and see if her package had arrived. And just no one was there. That's kind of crazy. You have one job. I know. It's just to be there. Like it's in the title. It's door man.

You could be the door. What did he even do? I don't know. I was like, you can't tell me this. I can't hear this. Like, it's just too upsetting for me. Maybe he was like taking a shit. They gave her the keys.

No one emailed me. They'll let me know there was somebody in my home. Nothing. Wow. Yeah. So I'm just so you guys know, mine are all still terrible. Yeah. I mean, there's really like a clear divide.

Yeah. Like if my doorman were like the Patriots, like yours are like a high school football team. They couldn't even get into high school. They're the worst. They like change in the lobby. I've seen them changing. It's so bad. Just like, wear a shirt.

Just like, why are you changing in the lobby? I want to see mine change in the lobby. I want to see all of yours changing the lobby. We should have like change in the lobby Wednesdays. I feel like they all wear like really nicely fitted boxer briefs. Yeah, I saw one of them, the one that they got rid of. But even him, he'd been over one day and I saw his boxer briefs. They were supreme.

Oh, of course they were. Of course they have like designer briefs. Yeah. I know because they were like, we're going to put, there was a talk of having them in like a uniform situation. I was like, no, no, no, no. All of their fashion is like on point. Do you remember that? I was worried.

Yeah, we were like, let's, if you need me to write an email, we will. Rainer writes an email. She doesn't even live here. I got back on Hinge for a minute, just to fuck around. I saw that. And all these guys are just asking me what I'm doing for the fourth. And I'm like, I don't know. Protesting the country.

Smashing the patriarchy. Dismantling systemic racism. Like, I just don't care about these people. And they're like, ooh, she has opinions. It's so gross. I did wonder like if one of them was going to be like, oh, you're like one of those girls. I'm like, what a feminist, what a anti-racist person. I mean, I don't know.

So one of those, somebody with an opinion. It's so gross. So, but at this point now the fourth is over. We're recording on July 1st. But yeah, I just went back on there. I had a bunch of people that like, like, liked me, like matches. And I was like, let's just see what's going on in here. And so across the board.

What are you doing with the fourth? Any fun plans? Also, we've had fucking fireworks going off every night for a month now. The most illegal thing here, it's like drones and fireworks are the only things you can't do here. Every night fireworks. If you guys don't know what we're talking about if you don't live in New York, Google, New York fireworks. It's been in other cities too.

It's been in Boston. There's a lot of conspiracy theories. I think it's just people being bored. But people are blaming it on the cops. It's like a whole thing. CNN. Chrissy. Chrissy Cuomo.

Chrissy Cuomo. Oh my God. Okay. Well, that's our person in the week. Chrissy Cuomo. No, I'm just kidding. We are going to skip over the person of the week this week just because we were running long and we have a long interview ahead as well. And also we did do two last week.

So we doubled up. Technically, we did have Charles Booker who just an update on him. He did not win the Kentucky primary. So I was wrong and super bummed out about that. And then we did AOC last week. and of course we'll bring back the person the week next week, just a week a million times. We are so excited for today's guest.

He's a friend of ours. He is a New York City comedian. He is tall. He is in love with me. Please don't slide into his DMs because he's taken. Please welcome to the house studio Dylan Paladino. What's up? Oh my God.

They're sliding in right now. Like you fucked yourself right now. You know what it would be funny, dude? You shouldn't even address it. Dylan's like, you know what be funny dude? is like every girl listening would slid to my dance right now. He'd be so funny if I fucked like 30 girls after this. No.

Talk like that. So no one wants to fuck you. I was think I will be in a time. Stay dude as much as possible. I was thinking that it would be really funny if I did this. And no one hit me up. Like, and it would make me happy if I was like, oh dude, episodes released today. Let's go to those requests.

And it's just a bot. And I'm like, all right. It would make me really happy if that happens. happened. I know. Yeah. We would know how much respect you really have from this audience. Yeah. If no one, dude, it might happen. And I'll be happy about it. How no? Every time I tag you in an Instagram story, girls just fly in there. No, I don't actually. I think you think your fans like see me on your story and are like, got to message him. They like don't. They like, one will go and laugh at my story and that's it. Maybe I don't post enough stories for them to respond to. Most of my

stories are either like a random weird picture or me looking dumb and like that's it. Well, except that one time you went off about that parking ticket. You're right. Or the cycling ticket. I was like, Ashley, you remember when I used to be attracted to Dylan? Because it ends today. I was pissed, dude. And guess what? People loved it. No, I know. You guys didn't. But people liked it. And I thought I was literally like, oh, I guess I just need to be mad online all the time because people seem to like that more. Anytime I posted something where I get mad and yell at the camera, everyone's like, dude, I feel like you finally found your niche. And I'm like, it's not comedy.

It's yelling on Instagram. They just want me to be mad. I'm like, do I just need to be on like CNN just like screaming about something? Yeah, I didn't mind the passion. Yeah. I mean, I did have one person that was like, it's so annoying when like, look, dude, I know that it's not a big deal. But it's, it's my life right now. Right.

And I'm dealing with it. If you don't want to watch it. And when someone's like, I'm up in Harlem teaching 600 kids with one pencil. Like, how about you get a little bit of reality check? And you're just like, dude. Can we just be a normal person and not message? I like, I talked about you behind your back to actually like a normal person. Okay.

So you're a New York City comedian. How old are you? And 27 years old. 27. Single. Yes. Okay. Single dating.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are a fuck boy. No, dude. Oh. Okay, so we're going to start out with this. So I thought today we would talk about.

Raina, I like the cold open. Thank you so much. I thought we would talk about how you're fucked up and all the different ways. Oh my God. So fucked up. Also, I just want to say it was my idea to have you on. Was it?

Raina confirmed. A hundred percent. I didn't want to get this podcast. Dude, can I tell you? Can I tell you? Can I tell you when she asked me? I was like, Ashley probably isn't happy about this. I was like, yeah.

I was like, you know what? actually is probably like, oh, there's no one else around. Yeah, we'll have Dylan on and release it in six years. But like, not because I don't think you like you like, don't think you like you like, you like, don't think you like you like, whatever. But now that I know this, I got to just take a breath. You're welcome. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. I do want to say before we start that you and I like are like best friends and I love you so much. And I think that you have like such a good heart. And I think that you are so thoughtful and caring. And you are one of the people I talk to the most throughout. like the whole coronavirus shut down. Like I will roast you a lot probably today, but I love you so much. I hope you do. That's how I receive love. I think that you're wonderful.

I have a lot of issues. So like being mean to me. Yeah. It's your love language. Yeah. Ladies, if you want to, if you want to, no, actually I'm not going to tell you how to get me because no, I can't, I can't get that away.

It's a long con. Be mean to me. Um, yeah. You know, it's funny that you said that because I was dating somebody that you know, whatever, this was earlier in the year. And something, we were at Raina's house and he like alluded to like, Allison putting Rob in check or something. Rob the Roy buffed?

Yeah. My best friend who's like huge. You guys locked eyes and I was like, God, they're like the two biggest people? The big jacked like guy, your height, your size. Oh, the one with the wife? Yeah, with the hot wife. Oh yeah, that dude is awesome. But like you guys like saw each

other. I feel like you were like, we're tallest dudes at the party. Like you just like gravitated me. You did gravitate towards each. And he was like, he started off and was like, this guy fucks a lot. And I was like, I was like, I was like, Like, all right, dude. Yeah, for sure, I guess.

You must be swimming in pussy, dude. And it like, I just met him. And he already was doing that. They were hammered. They were so, they were the only people drunker than me at the party. And the wife is like six one. Yeah, they're hot. And I look at them and was like, like, this is an insane relationship.

Yeah. And he's like, she's like, he's the kind of guy that's like, she's got a tight ass, huh? And I'm like, and I'm like, that's your wife. He's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, okay, dude. This is so crazy. That's so accurate. She's like, Rob, stop.

But like... Because she's like a fucking model. Yeah, she's great. But anyway, the guy was dating at that time, he alluded to something else and like Rosed said something snarky, you know, whatever, in a loving way. And I think he said like, oh, that's hot. And I was like, oh, shit. Would you like me to be mean to you?

That's what it is. It's not actually the mean thing. Like, I joke with the mean. I think a lot of dudes is. especially if you grew up with a bunch of friends, like a lot of guys, they, we are like unable to show love just be like,

I love you, dude. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard for us to do. You have to just be like, you're like the ugliest person I've ever seen, but like, you're my friend,

you know? Like, it's this weird. So like you, like you show love by roasting people. My best friends to this day have said some of the most heinous, mean shit to me that's like borderline made me cry. And I'm like,

I would. die for them. It's a, it's a very strange dynamic. So I think when guys grow up with that dynamic with their friends, when they see a girl that can roast them, not too hard because then they're like, yeah, not till it's mean. Yeah, not till it's mean, but like on the level, it kind of is this other way that they can receive love. Telling, let's just call it what it is. You like when women act like they're not interested in you and that's what gets your dick hard. Not always. I've had girls be, I was just talking about this the other day. Like, I've had girls be very into me. And, and, And I've appreciated it.

But in the beginning, it's like, it makes me, like, work towards trying to see if I can, like, get them to be into me. If they're, like, not into me. It's a, it's this, you know, there's so many mind games I play with myself that I'm, like, very aware of that are unhealthy. And I'm like, I got, I got to figure it out. And you have to even more. Now it's a pandemic. Give all the time in the world. You're right.

To fuck with your own self. I mean, the pandemic has changed. I've sent more pictures of my dick in the past three months. I have in my entire life. Okay, let's talk about it. But I just do want to touch on that because the roasting thing, right now, you and I both love that. Like when a guy, like, without being mean and condescending, like, makes fun of me, I'm like, I eat it up.

It also shows like any guys have ever, any guy I've ever fallen for, like, roast me a little bit. It's levity. It shows that you guys can, like, go back and forth. You don't take each other. To me, it shows, like, you don't take yourself seriously. You don't take me seriously, which is good because I don't take myself seriously. I'm an idiot. And it just, it's going to be more fun.

It is not a prerequisite. But, like, it's very helpful, especially in the beginning. I need it. Yeah. Because I'm going to roast other people. Like, I never stop. So, like, you're going to feel really beaten down by me if you can't give it back a lot. Yeah.

It's like, that's just who I am. Like, you, I have dated people that I think probably thought I was like a little shitty to them because I will. I'll just roast you all day long. I don't roast my girlfriends though. But I'll take it. I'll give it back. I can take it.

But you don't want, not even like a little. You won't like mock them a little. Maybe a tiny bit, but I don't know. Yeah. I'm like. But there's also like a line because we know another couple and I hate their dynamic. And it's like they do it to the extreme and it's like. And I, yeah, but she's not in on it.

Like that's why like she's, I feel like she started getting it on it more. Which is good. It's not cute. Yeah. Yeah. It's more of like, I will call a girl out for some stuff and like make fun of her. But it's always in a like it's in a way that I believe she knows that I like love her and I'm very into it. A hundred percent.

Yeah. That's how I do it. I don't do it a lot. But I'm more willing to have. have her, like if I bring her around my friends, like my, like a couple X's ago, the one that was with the longest, when I brought her around my friends, she started to shit on me, like, with my friends. And I was like, word.

Oh, you liked it. It was good. It wasn't bad, but I was like she knew how to do it just enough to where I was like, she is with all my friends can hang with them and can call me out, but also like is not making me like want to like cry, you know what I mean? but she's just enough to be like, yeah, Dylan, whatever. Call me out for not being able to dress well or, like, eating just brown rice because I have, like, no taste butts.

I don't know, too. Do you have Corona? But that's also how you bond with people's friends and family. Like, when she met my family? You don't want to be ganged up on. Like, Raina's watched my family gang up on me before. Christmas was weird. Christmas got.

I was like, what is up? It was about a bike. It spiraled quick. It spiraled quick. But, like, also, that's why I. I like it because I was brought up where people make fun of me and my family. Like that's why I feel like sometimes only children are a little more sensitive because like their fucking sibling didn't shit all over them when they were a kid.

Yeah. Like I used to be super sensitive as a kid. And then my like all the men in my family just broke me down. And then I developed a sense of humor about myself. Uh-huh. I think it's important. So I think it's important if you're going to give it to take it. I think people think like, I mean people have made comments to me like on other podcasts like

the host picked on you. But like I feel like that's my dynamic with everybody. Like I roast them and they roast me and like I am offended when people think that other people are mean to me because it's just like I can take it. It's fun. It's out of love. Wouldn't you be like, dude, I will stick up for myself. Like if I need. If I need to. Yeah. If I need to. That's why I don't like it. I think it. I think the implication is that I wouldn't stick up for myself and that's why it hurts my feelings. It's like these are my friends. They love me. Like I just think that like maybe if you think I'm getting picked on, it's like you're projecting. Meeting the family. Because I feel fine. Because I feel fine. Yeah. Me and the family. Like I have a big. I have a big. Italian family on my dad's side. So when she met my family, my grandpa, like, immediately, well, she was also a tie-in, so my grandpa, like, fell in love with her. And my uncle, like, just straight up started flirting with her. Like, hardcore. And he gave her a nickname immediately. And when he, when we broke up, he was like, give me her number. And he was like half. How old is he? He's like, he's like a 63. Oh, okay. He's got like a ponytail. Yeah, dude. But he's like got this, like,

He's got that like I don't give a fuck like biker swag that just It's wild dude But he he um I remember One of the like one of our first fights that we got into She she She mentioned how guys will always bring up her eye color

And I was like that She was like guys will always compliment me on my eyes And I was like that's fucking dumb Like that's the easiest Any idiot can do that Like that's not a real compliment Any guy who's watched any movie knows you just talk about her

eyes. I was like, that's not a real thing. Like, I'll compliment you about something else. And I was like, besides, your eyes are just brown. Like, so are mine. And she was just like, they're hazel. My eyes are hazel. And when my, and when Uncle George met her, he goes, oh, look at your hazel eyes. And I go, fuck. All right, dude. And he just called her hazel after that. He knew how to slide in there. He's, yeah. And he would always call her hazel. Wait, that is so funny, though, like that you were like, dude, your eyes are brown. What's the deal here? I think like, look,

But Uncle George. Are you colorboard? She, no, her eyes were, okay. They were, they were, they were, Hazel, not E. Maybe if she like wore a green shirt. But like the thing is for me, if I look at her girl's eyes, like, yes, you can have very beautiful eyes. But to me, it seems like the basic compliment. As a guy, you go, what's, like, can't compliment her tits.

Let me talk about her eyes. Okay, but you were talking about my boobs when Ashley was in the bathroom. You're right. You're so right. Like a guy saying like you have beautiful eyes. is like so basic. I hate that. I hate it.

I would rather like, my thing is to notice something that is not that and be like, oh, your nails look really good. Like you must have just gotten like some like, some like random shit like that. I was thinking that when you were waving your hand that your nails look good at. Yeah,

like your nails look good. Like I'll notice that. Like that watch is really nice. Like I'll pick out something. Yeah. Thank you. It is very nice. It's a roller.

Yeah. Oh shit. Now, if you said that to me on a date, I would immediately call you out. But I would be like, I fuck with this girl because she's like, it is a Rolex.

But I wouldn't say that on a date with somebody. I would just, you know, take the compliment. I'm just being an asshole because you guys are my friends and I can. I want to talk about your desire to be in a long-term relationship versus your desire to only sleep with 22-year-old girls that you know you're never going to date. That's a projection. I actually really saw it straight through that. You want to fuck 22-year-old boys?

I know. I want you to date me long-term. It's fine. That's what I met. What word was I looking for? a deflection sublimation I don't know

projecting is wrong it's not projecting someone listening is like screaming the word it's like making a joke about something but you're very serious about it

yeah yeah I'll think of it do not DMS no do you want to be in a long term relationship I do now okay

as of today I've been I've been now that he's on once I saw your tits I was like long term no dude

I mean I've been saying that honestly for like the past six months, but it's more, I didn't want to be in one for a long time because after like, I've had three very serious girlfriends. And after the third one, who is like my most adult relationship, we like broke up and then we got back like, I wrote her a letter like four months later and was like I fucked up like, like please take me back.

And she was like I was literally about to forget about. you and you sent that letter and like, God damn it. You all have that right now. It's a six sense. And then we dated again for like a year and a half. And it was even better the second time. And then we split up again like almost on the date like two years later. Something about August for whatever reason for me.

I'm like got to get out. I don't know what it is. Summer's over. Yeah. But after her I was like, I realized I blamed a lot of it on myself. And I was like, I have to be a better person because I ruined something with a girl who was great. Like she had issues, but like so did I.

And it was someone that was willing to like marry me. Like she said like I don't need to be with anyone else. And that scared me and I didn't know how to deal with it. And when that happened, I was like, all right, dude, I got to figure myself out so I don't do this to anyone else. And so I can be ready for the next person that I like find and want to be with. And that was like five years ago. And so for the past five years,

I was like trying to work myself I started going to therapy and shit like really trying to be aware of how I am like with women and also I will say I was like I want to get it out of my system like wanting to hook up with a bunch of girls You're also young you were 22 and she said that to you

I was 24 still though and it's like no you know no judgment but like we it's really young I felt bad that I didn't feel the same way because I was like you're like so confident and ready and I'm like not And I think I don't know why. I just made it all.

Maybe selfishly, I just made it all my fault. I was like, she had her things, but I was like, it's my fault. I got to deal with it. So I like internalized all of it and just was like, I got to be better. I got to know how to talk to women better. I got to know how to like understand my feelings better. And that's what the past five years has been. And so because of it, I was just like, I'm going to also.

So if that opportunity comes around again, I'm going to make sure that I'm ready. so I'm going to fuck a lot. You know, so like to end that nice speech with that dumb thing. But so I just decided, I just decided to just do that. And I think that you picked people that, like, you knew weren't going to make you be in relationships. Oh, for sure. Because of that. Oh, I mean, I would be on dating apps and be like this girl wants a relationship and exit.

Okay. Yeah. Smart. Like, I thought smartly, I was like, I'm not going to lead this person on. If I had a feeling that a girl was looking for something more serious, I just wouldn't. I just wouldn't be into it. And I was like, I feel like that's the best way to go about this. But I also was being like fully myself.

I didn't, I started to like not care, like in a good way. I was like, I'm going on dates. I'm literally going to bring all of me there and not give a fuck. Because at the end of the night, I started telling myself, if I go home with a girl or if I go home alone, I'm good either way. Oh, good. Yeah. Like you were like. I was like comfortable with myself.

Like securing yourself, love yourself, all those things. And there was some road bumps along the way, for sure, like, hooking up with my ex again, like a year and a half later, which was definitely a mistake. Seems that everyone does it. Yeah. It was for sure fun, like the first couple times. But I don't know, dude, there's like some people in your life that you just never, like, fully get over.

And like, she's one of those people. Yeah. Yeah. So I have a question because, like, I feel like I've gone on dates with guys like this where you're on a date with them and it's like, I, not I want to make him commit, but like this guy seems kind of like somebody who's not like,

we've done episodes about like, can you make a guy commit, but like I'd like to hear it from a man. So like, do you think like in that realm in those years, like if you met a girl and she was like, but I got to make him like, I got to lock him down.

Like is there a way to make a man like that commit? I don't, I really. She would have to be his ex. I mean, yeah, honestly. Or look,

there was a time where I was like, hooking up with girls that were just like facsimiles of her. Damn, I cannot believe I just use facsimile. That is a crazy. Dude, I'm fucking smart and tall. Hell yeah. How did you know that word? That's the poll quote. That is crazy. Yeah. I think everybody does that. Yeah. I think we're all guilty of that being the person that chooses somebody that reminds you of your ex being the person that you see who your ex dates after you and they're like usually an uglier version of you. But you know, like all of that. Like, I think we all do that.

I just think that we hear so much from guys that it's just like this one girl broke their heart and then it's just like fucked him up forever. But you're also 27 though. And I just say, I can't stress that enough. Like, we say this all the time. Like, we put guys that are 20 in their 20s in a different bucket than a guy that's 35. It's true. Guys are not, we are emotional intelligence is a lot less.

But even when you want to be in your life. You don't want to have a kid tomorrow. You don't want to get married tomorrow. I think the 27's really. young. Totally. But a 35-year-old guy said to me, I was like, I'm going to keep in a right to you.

A 35-year-old guy said to me, like, I can't get over my ex. And I just want to like, fuck all these random people. And I'd be like, totally different. This is, it's different. 27? Fuck everything that moves, except don't. Yeah, for sure. But what I was going to say is that she was saying, guys, like, oh, I got hurt by a girl.

I'm saying because guys, like, we, like, women are much more open with their emotions. You guys feel harder than us. And you talk about it a lot more. And guys, when you get hurt by a girl, and I've felt this. Like, it happened to me two years ago. I really started like this girl. And I was like, I think I'm going to start dating her.

And we hooked up once. And then she ghosted me. And dude, I like got depressed. Like I cry. I can, I don't cry ever. I cry maybe once a year. I cried on the phone with my mom, dude. I know.

Why? Because he opened himself up again. Dude, it's so sad. It makes me, like, vulnerable, whatever. But I remember I said to my mom, I was like, I finally thought I had like found someone that I actually connected with and then it just falls apart.

And she's like, I know, yeah, dude, I know. But this is not your ex, right? You're saying, No, no, no, it's just one with someone else. So it's like your ex fucked you, like you got heartbroken, you put yourself out there, you were clearly vulnerable with your ex.

And then someone else came along. You did it again. But I'm saying this girl happened. And then as a man, I was like, emotions are off. That's what I'm saying. So, for a year.

That's like a conscious decision. A chain reaction. I don't even know that's conscious, but you feel it. You feel yourself lock up. That happened to me. And I was like, dude, I'm just going to go fuck for like a year. I don't give a shit. And I like, and it was like, it's an anger thing from like being hurt.

So I did that for like a year and a half. And then come again like another year and a half. Something happened with another girl where like it just didn't work out. It actually happened recently. Like with a girl that I was talking to and we just were like talking on text. I was like, this girl was really cool. Like I like her a lot. And then she just stopped.

talking to me. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to hit her up and be like, yo, I don't know what happened. But I really like talking to you and getting to know you. If you're like whenever you're back, because this is there during COVID. And she was, she was like, I'm actually moving into New York. Like nothing happened. I'm just like dealing with a bunch of other stuff. And I was like, that's fine. But she did say, oh, you're sweet, which is the fucking worst thing you say to a man. Please don't. We don't want to, we don't want to be sweet. Like your dick like gets smaller. Exactly. My dick went inside. Inside. Yeah. And my dick turned to a clit.

And I was like, fuck. And but when that happened, I felt it even in a small way. I was like, you know what? I don't need this. Well, it's rejection. Yeah. And it's cause and effect. I put myself out there.

I got hurt. I put myself out there. I got hurt. I put myself out there. I got hurt. It happens enough. And you're like, well, why the fuck would I ever put myself out there again? But I think for whatever reason with, I'm just like, I'm never been a woman.

But I think guys do this a lot because we aren't, we like haven't gotten to know that vulnerability in that side and been okay with like being hurt. Like you should be able to be hurt, deal with it. I don't know about grieve, but like figure it out and then move on. Yeah, I think it's a less common reaction from women to be like shut it down for a year. Like I'm always just like getting fucked over, getting back on the horse, get fucked over. I think the women are used to that. I think that we also talk to each other a lot more. Like I really work through it. I have all kinds of friends. I can talk to about it and I can talk to my guy friends too and I can talk to my parents. And it's so commonplace for me.

Like this thing is fucked up and it's over and I'm on to the next person. And I don't think that the sins of the last person should be put onto the next person. But I think women have an easier time doing that than men. Definitely. And I've become more aware of it and know like when I feel it, I go, all right, I see what I'm doing. But my whole reason for bringing that up is that guys that are in that mindset, if you're like, oh, can I make him commit? Like it's really hard, man, because he's made up his mind and he's like, I'm in,

whatever you want to call it. I'm just in like hookup mode and that's all I'm thinking about. And the only way you can like, I don't think you can make a guy commit. The only way you could do it is by if you're yourself and he's like, damn,

I just, I gotta keep talking to that girl. That's happened to me. I've never like had a girl. Whenever she's trying to get me to hang out with her more or like trying to hang out more, you can smell it, you can see it,

you know what's going on. And I think some of them are just trying to be like, I see that there's a side of you, but you're like trying to hide it. And they are trying to be like, they're trying to get in, trying to be like, I see there's a deeper part

and you're like kind of cutting us off. I've had that with girls before. They'll try to be like, why aren't you letting me in? And I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, it's just not. But I'm glad you circled back to it

that like there isn't a way to make them commit. You know, but you always say it all the time. The only way is just like literally live your life. Yeah. Be yourself. Like, don't pressure.

that. You're trying to make a guy commit. You're thinking about, I believe in the wrong way. Like, you should be

like, I'm fucking great. I will, I will work with whoever I work with. It might take a long time. But if I come in confidently and like who I am,

then I'm going to find that person. It might take longer. But that's how you find someone that the relationship's actually going to work. Instead of all of these people who, like I have friends who they get from relationship to

relationship and you know it's not going to last, but they'd be with someone for seven months than just like be alone. Being alone is awesome. I don't know why like it's like when you like learn to be alone and be good with it, it's tight. I'll take that ever being with somebody that I feel good warm about any day.

God, no. I could have quarantined with that guy the whole quarantine. He made it worse. I said goodbye. I told him to fuck me like you mean it or get off of me and he got off of me. And honestly I was better for it. If the girl said that to me. I still have one phrase that a girl said to me that I still think about.

What? She just looked me in the eyes and was just like fill me up. And I was like, holy shit. Dylan loves come talk. Really? Dylan loves come talk. And I was in my head, I was like,

that's the hottest fucking thing. Oh, it was good. Oh, it was so hot, dude. Okay. And I don't know why.

We pivoted because we were talking about something terrible that Raina said to a man. And then I thought you were going to say something terrible. Oh, no. She was like, I mean, but if a girl said fuck me like you mean it like kind of in a hot way. Flirty. Raina did not.

Raina was saying it like, Raina was like, dude, either lay it down or get out of me. Like, come on. Lay the dick down or go back up to your apartment. You were like, you should like open her drawer. She's like, you see all these dildos and fucking vibrators? They're a lot better than you.

So you better step it up or I'm using one of them and I'm watching Schitt's Creek. Okay? That's what's up. I just remember that my dad on last week's episode heard me talk about blowing a guy and shoving a vibrator in his ass. Yep. Just remember. Oh, you shoved the vibrating in his ass?

Just a little one. She rimmed his ass a little bit with zero loop because she doesn't care about him. Oh. My dad heard that. Okay. Also, can I just kind of. Can I pull off? Fill me up. Can I pull this off? Yeah.

Okay. You just, you just got to be confident. No, I am super confident. Yeah. I think I'm, I think I, in the heat of the moment, I can say most things. But like, I've never said those words and I'm just like sitting on this. Like, I think I'm going to pull it. Okay. So there's certain positions.

Yes. Yes. I can't picture myself. I can't. I can't. Okay. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. If you're on your back. On your back. On your back. Because then you got to be looking at it. 100%. You got to be in a submissive position.

up. Okay, don't think about it. You're thinking about it way too much. You're thinking about it way too much. You got to be in a submissive position. Do you want to practice? Do you want to say it to you? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. So, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Okay, you have to be ready to take the load. You can't be on top of the guy. The guy doesn't even have to be coming. No, I'm not thinking about coming. I'm thinking like your dick.

Yes, yeah, yeah. Fill me up with your dick. Not your come. I can't be. I say, I want to be filled up with your car. It has to be eye contact, I believe. Even from behind, it's like,

I'm getting like nervous. I just remember with this girl. It was like, it was so dirty. And I was like, I told all my friends about it. I told all my friends about it. She had a snake. They all called her snake girl. And she, dude, she was, I fucked up.

But she was, she had the best hits I've ever seen in my life. They were fake. Yeah. I didn't know that. And I told her, I was like, your tits are so nice. And she like did the thing where she was like, like, thank you. in a way that was like they're fake. Like she said that, but like.

The way she said. Yeah. And I, and I, but I didn't get it because I'm so dumb. They were done really well. I was just like, they're fucking like,

we were just in my kitchen. I was like, do your teeth are so nice. And then she was laying down on my bed and I saw two scars. And I stupidly go, what are those? And she goes, they're my scars and said it in a way like,

you fucking idiot. And I was like, now fill me up. Oh, yeah. She was like, now fill me up, you little bitch. Okay.

That's like, That's why you can't say it on top because it sounds like you little bitch. No, I actually, I wouldn't say it on top. No, I wouldn't. You're right. I've had girls do such weird shit to me. Like, you can't be like, yeah, I'm in control of this, but you fill me up. Like, no, it has to be right.

Like, you're the gas tank. Yeah. No, you got me up, partner. Beep, beep. Yeah. Like, no. You're fat. Fill me up with that diesel.

Yeah, exactly. I need some, yeah. Oh my God. With that deep voice. Give me that diesel dick. Like, whoa. There's other lines. Give me the unleaded.

There's all. unleaded. I just started throwing out gas terms. I'm like, I'm fucking up. Dylan would be so upset. Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, and you say that out loud. And he's like, who?

Like, I'm so, I got to call him real quick. He calls you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to face time. Exactly. I'm like, you guys got to. Okay, listen, dude, just, all right. I would love for you to FaceTime him and then be, Dylan, hold on.

And then be like this. And he's like, what is, what, what's up? And I'm like, dude, listen to me. Dude, she's trying this new thing. And all right. Just go with it. All right. She's confident.

it's going to be great. Just get it. I want you to be in doggy style and I want you to call Dylan and be like, what lines do I use in this position? Yeah, what lines? But I can see Dylan be like, I fucked up the fill me up thing. And he's like,

bitch, are you on top? We told you. I'm like, we already told you. Or I would be like, you didn't fuck it up. You're good.

You got it, girl. Yes. I'm like, yes, queen. Fucking like women's, like something,

Women's March. I got my pussy hat on. Like everything. I'm like, woo. Like this. And doggy style, Dylan's like, turn around, call him daddy. Oh, my God.

Or I'd be like, dude, I'd be like, give him the phone. You'd be like, I'd be like, bro, if you don't make her call him, I'm going to fuck you up. All right? She's trying to fill her up. You better fill her up. Fill her up for me, her friend, okay? All right? Think about this face if you don't do it well.

You're getting, I'm going to fuck you up, dude. Okay. I can't wait. I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I'm like huge girls. Huge dick. Like, no, no, my dick's average deck. My dick's average.

Yeah. It's surely above average. You say your dick is average all the time. But in comparison to your body, right? Oh, yeah, dude. Whenever I have a joke like... Your dick on a 5-9 guy would be big. Great.

Whenever I pull my pants down and I like, I want to tell the girl like, let's just pretend I'm 5 for 5 right now. Okay? Because like it's just not going to live... I'm 6'6. Like, you won't mean... I'm not going to have like an 8.5 inch fucking hog. Like, this is not what I have.

I got a nice... I don't want that. I got a nice penis. Some people have said it's nice. I've been like, you're lying. Like, but whatever. I'm sure. I feel like I know it's nice.

It's like decent. Yeah, exactly. I wish it. I can picture it. I wish it was straight, but whatever. Like, what do you mean?

It's not straight. It's got a little curve to it. That doesn't bother me at all. I know, but I thought a guy for years with the cheap. But I remember one of my girlfriends, she was like one time, it was weird.

She was like playing with my dick. You know what I mean? She wasn't like, you girls like you guys like to, I mean, Rainer likes to get up close and watch the ball set. She was literally just like playing with it. And she took it and she took it.

And she was like, if it went this way, it would be like, it'd be like maybe like half an inch longer. And I just like, oh, nice. Okay. I was like, sweet. It's crooked. Yeah.

It's not that crooked, dude. But like, no, I had my fiancee had like a huge, not a huge deck, a nice dick, but it curved. It's not a C. Yeah, his was like a C curve. No, no, no. Mine's like, I don't need to. Okay. But so it does the trick.

It's fine. You sent dick pics over the quarantine. Yeah. I had never sent a dick pick. Like to who? Uh, just like, like, like, What are their names? I'm kidding.

But like girls that you met on like a dating app. Yeah, most of them were dating app girls or. And they asked? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And we're all really desperate during the quarantine. The reason why I had never sent the dick pick before is because I was like, there's no way any girl would ever want to see that.

That was how I thought. Thank you for seeing us. For 26 years of my life. Okay. And then last year, I started dating a girl. Let's call her A. Okay. And she was like, I want you to send me, not only pictures,

I want you send me video. of you like finishing. I agree. 2020, listen, I just want to call it. 2020 dick pics made a huge comeback. I am loving dick pics. I will watch somebody masturbate and finish.

It's my favorite thing. Picks and videos are different. Yeah, because like I don't need that pick. But like I, if I was dating somebody and I, like, I wouldn't mind the jerk off video.

And I like to try, like I like to do it when I know we're kind of both on the other end, continuing that. Yeah. Because I'm not going to be like 11, am. Hey, here's me fucking jacking off. Yeah. By the way, mom or daddy, if you're listening, turn it off right now.

Brain of Dad's listening. What about brain of dad? You can listen to me to talk about jacking off all day, bro. What's good? So she wanted me to start sending one. I was like, all right, cool. And I guess it kind of made me be like, oh, I guess some girls want to see this. I didn't send anything for another year. And then I had a couple girls ask. And I always felt kind of weird about it. I was like, do you really want to? And then, I don't know what happened with quarantine. But I was like, yeah, you know what? Fuck it. Like if I'm going to be talking to girls and me trying to, like, if they're going to be sending me videos of them or like pictures of their body, the least I can do is send a, the least I can do is like send a picture of my dick or like me jacking.

I probably went from sending it to one person to like eight. I don't know. What? Yeah, dude. So what was your method of photography? Oh, B OV. Okay. Obviously.

What? P OV like above. Okay. Yeah. And then what I would do is like a lot of times I would be, the move is to. send it over Instagram because you can send it not disappearing. No, no, no, because I never send it where it's saved in the chat. You send it where it's, you can view it multiple times, but if you exit out, it leaves. And also you can tell if they screenshot it. Exactly. So that's,

Snapchat is not, is not the right way. A hundred percent sexy picks in Instagram. Yes. Or if you have Snapchat and you're with someone, like, you can send a video, save it in the Snapchat. And then if you want to, unsave it. The girl that I was dating a year ago, A, she had sent me a bunch of videos and then as soon as we split up, I went to look back, they were all gone. I was like, all right, good for her.

She has complete control. You never have to worry about someone, like whatever. So are you reusing deck packs and videos? No, no, no. Always fresh ones. Yeah, I've none safe. I mean, he had the time. It was a pandemic.

It's fresh. I'm pulling them from the tree. Like, you know what I'm like? This is organic, dude. Do you take a farm to table dick. This is farm to table dick coming. Okay. It's not just dick, it's, and there's been a few times they will say where I've watched the video and been like, damn, that was pretty good.

No, that's how I feel sometimes when I like said. I'm like, damn, I'm going to keep this for my own record. Yeah. I won't because the last thing I want to do is like pull up my phone. It's just my cock. But also I have played to that. I think it's so smart to send within Instagram or I mean, Snapchat, again, just we are, don't use Snapchat. I'm not super well versed in it.

But like, it's weird to get a dick on your laptop I message. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's because Raina, like, she sent me a picture of this guy's dick. Sorry. Like, it came up so big on my Mac. Yeah. I don't want this.

Yeah. It's smaller. I agree. So it's like, I like it in Instagram. That's always been my move to. Here's also what's good about it is that Instagram allows you to reply to videos with another video. With another video or picture. So what I would do, there was one girl specifically who like, we got pretty good at it.

100%. She would send something. I would respond with a video. Then she would respond with the video. And then so they'd be like a bunch of. a bunch of videos that you, if you stay on it, because like if someone sends you a video, you can respond to it, send it, and then it goes back to the original video they sent, so you can still watch that.

Oh, I didn't know. So then it just became a stream of like eight videos that I could just cycle through. Like a video conversation. Like a video of just, yeah, you know, her, like us having like, I guess Instagrams or whatever the fuck you want to call it. And it was great. We both got to like send, oh, this is what this does me, blah, blah, blah. and we both got to like get off in them.

It's like the closest thing. It's the closest thing to digital sex that's not just FaceTiming. FaceTiming. How much how graphic are we getting here? Like are you watching girls with dildos? Like are we doing like close up vagina shots? Also did you make noise? Like were your videos like full?

Are you moaning? Yes. I honestly would rather start getting vulnerable again than talk about me. I guess we'll get back to that. Jesus Christ. Um, yeah, dude, I at first wasn't. I'm sorry. And then.

We're not even close like that. I'm like, could you hear you coming? Yeah. You're like, so here's. That's what I want. I want a recording of a man. So here's the thing, man. I was listening to it all day.

I started getting like more confident in it. Were you doing this at your mom's house? You were quarantined at your mom's house. This is a big house. Okay. I'm not screaming. I'm not like, oh yeah. Fuck.

My dick is so hard. Like, and saying, into that porn voice? No. But, which, by the way, imagine a guy fucking you like that. Oh,

yeah, my dick's so hard. How's your wet pussy feel? He says fill me up. You're like, wait, what? Yeah,

fill me up. And you're like, I'm gonna fill you up. Yeah, exactly. He's like, here's an anima. Like,

what's going on? No, but so I just started, I had, I would never do. Yeah, where were you doing this? Like outside. Like outside.

Yeah, I had my own bathroom. Yeah, outside on the dock. Yeah. Just jerk like midnight. with the moonlight. Yeah, I had moonlight lighting.

It was amazing. It was beautiful. By the lake. There's like a nice background. There's a boat in the background. Yeah. You heard like a crane like taking off as I came and it was like the crane was in the background.

It was a painting. I fucked a guy in the dock one time at Dewey Beach and I was like if we fall in this bay, we both have chlamydia. Yeah. You could have been patient zero of COVID. You could have in your, in your closely too. Yeah.

No, I mean, I had a girl be like. Okay. She wanted you to come harder. Yeah. She wanted me to know. No, she liked hearing it because I would never do shit because I would always be like, you don't know, you don't know.

I mean, when I have sex, I do. Do you do? Okay. I like, I'm not. Okay.

Okay. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I will say, a kind of a different part of me comes out to where like, I just get a little more vocal, no more animalistic that you can hear more the breathing.

You're right. When I masturbate, I'm not like coming out loud when I masturbate to you? But when it's on. Sometimes I do because I love my own voice. Oh. I one time I had a girl tell me,

she masturbated to the idea of her winning an Emmy and I was like, I'm in love with you. Because that's such a red flag. Oh, wait, really?

I told this guy that I masturbated it because it was true. I masturbated to the sound that he made when he came. No, no, that's hard. He like came so hard

and I was just like, oh my God. When I'm alone, I don't really come around. But I had a girl be like, I want to hear you or whatever. And so at first I would just, I would like,

So before that, were you doing silent films? It was just pretty silent. Yeah, I was doing silent films. I had subtitles. It was like, he moans. He moans. He's close. He's close.

He squirts so much come. Wow, that's a lot of come. Holy shit. He's still coming. Oh my God. All for you, babe. Like, it was that, yeah. Oh, my God.

And you said the scene, you're like, there's moonlight lighting. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. See, close up. Close up just slowly pans out. Yeah, I made a Francis Ford Coppola of my, but no. she said like, I like this and I was like, all right. She said come harder.

Yeah, she's just like, I want to hear you. And then I really stepped it up. She didn't know this, but I sent her one more like, I said her name. Oh, wow. Black Diamond shit. Yeah. I was like, oh, I was like, oh, fuck that feels like this is all for, I was saying her name. And I was like kind of pretending like.

I'm shook. I was so turned on right now. I've never been this turned on. I was like pretending she was like doing it. I was like, well, and then when I, when I, when I. when I came, I was like just said her name like multiple times. Yeah. Wow.

I've never been more turned on. What happened with this girl? This is on recording. Fuck. No one knows who she is. Also, I just, I'm really turning on by this. That was so close to a stick. That's not that close.

It's not that close. It's the left. You're right. Okay. Wait. Who is this girl? She was like, she's this girl that I've been like hooking up consistently with who and I trust her.

Like she sends stuff to me. Absolutely. But is this a person you would date? Or was it just kind of a fun thing for? She's like, she's the person that I've been hooking up with casually that like gets it. We're friends.

We talk every now and then. When she comes over, I make sure that like, I just, when she comes over, like when I'm hooking up with someone, you come over, like,

how are you doing, dude? But like, I don't just be like, let's go fuck. But like, I'm like, how are you doing? What's going on?

Like, do you give her water and you ask how her day was before you start fucking. Dude, I am. A gentleman. But I just also don't, I don't see you as this like treating a girl just like an object. Honestly, I'm bad at making the first move.

I'm so bad because I'm always like, does she a girl, dude, my first girl, my, my girlfriend, like my most recent girlfriend, the one that I was with for the longest, the first time we ever hooked up, she was at my apartment. It was 3 a.m. And I was, we were looking at my phone at like memes or some shit for like an hour. Because I was too worried to make a move. All right. If you're at 2 in the morning, you're in a man's apartment, he wants you to make a move. That's what she said. Yeah.

Like literally, she was like, okay, I'm going to make out with you now. And I was like, fuck, I'm so. I was like, dude, if you give me 10 more minutes or what like. And then when we split up and she came over again after we had split up, we were just like, we were like, we were like just laying in bed. And she was like, oh my God. And then she made out with me again. And I was like, uh, well, you don't really drink a lot, right? Yeah, I don't drink a lot.

And I also, those first moves are alcohol-induced for a lot of people. It's for whatever reason. It's my mindset is like she probably doesn't want to, which is a, which is a, the dumb and secure mindset. But if you guys are together at three in the mornings, you both want to. I'm like, nah, still. All right. Well, ladies, don't be scared to make a move if he's giving you the vibes. But I want to go back to what we were talking about and ask you for girls listening, like, when, what kind of tips or what kind of stuff did you like that you were getting sent back?

the biggest thing like if a girl is just feeling it and like feeling confident or just having I mean obviously having a good time but if I always tell whenever a girl's like what do you want to send you I'll always be like whatever you're comfortable with like send whatever like you feel comfortable with whatever and also sometimes I'll be like whatever makes you feel sexy because if you feel sexy doing it it's gonna be hot for me because you're gonna feel good doing it so like I dude I've had close-ups I've had the hottest thing for me personally is either like a low vibrator or all. I like just classic hand.

Like that's hot for me. And sometimes a girl will like pan up and show her tants or shit. Whatever. Honestly, whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm trying to think of where do you hold it. I've never done one. I've never sent a guy like a masturbating video.

I mean, I'm not against it. But like where do you, I'm trying to think of where I hold a camera up top. I got like kind of like I try to think about it like how would he be looking at it. I probably set up the ring light to be honest. Set the ring light up. Yeah, it'll be look great.

But like, look. straight up the vagina? No, no, no. Like, okay, look, if the dude, like, if a dude is going down on you, he's kind of going to be looking down like an angle, right? Okay, so I hold it like that. So hold it like kind of like at that angle. I feel like I just have to take it for you.

I think I'm going to do the ring light. And girls will do that. They'd be like, I'm going to take this for you. I'm going to do a lot of like, if I'm going to do it, it's going to have production value. Yeah. And don't put your face in it. Captions.

Yeah. Honestly put captions on. I feel sexier. I feel sexier. Yeah. Mood lighting. That stuff's great, man. that a dude's going to be into that if you send it, you feel comfortable with. Like, even

if you're in the mirror, like, I had a girl once send me one where it was her, like, here's the mirror right here. She's looking at it. She bent, like, she kind of like bent over. And then you could see in the mirror. Oh, no, sorry, the mirror was behind her. She had the camera like this. So first you just saw her face and then she bent over and you could see that she wasn't wearing underwear. And you could see her ass in the mirror. And she kind of shaped it a little bit. For whatever reason for that, I was like, I'm very turned on. It's even like, it could be, yeah. It can be just small stuff like that. It doesn't have to always be up close and personal.

At the end of the day, like what I said, what makes you feel sexy? What are you comfortable with? And no guy's critiquing. No guy's like, dude, can you believe she sent me this stupid thing? Like no guy,

they like all of it. No, if anything, I'll be like, bro, I got sent them wildest thing last night. And it was like, and this is how I talk.

I was like, it was fucking tight. And he'll be like, I don't tell you, man. Like, yeah, there's never, You're never critiquing it.

Right. It's, I have gotten a couple bad ones. What's a bad? Okay, what's a bad one? Oh, God. It was just so up close and she just like,

just, she just had like a vibrator in her pussy and in her, like, I don't know why I'm whispering. People can hear my voice. Vibrate her pussy and ass. And it was just really up close. Was it shocking?

It was very shocking. And that's not your girlfriend. And she was also being very, yes, not my girlfriend. And she was being very pushy about it. And like, constantly sending them to me

and I wasn't really, and I was trying to me, I was always nice like, oh, it's so hot, but like wasn't really like and she was also, I don't have a problem with being unshaven. However, it was like in the mid stages, you know? I'd rather, I'd rather see like a nice bush that's tight or like some kind of groomed.

Yeah, it was just like in the midstages and it was like bad lighting. It was the first time I've ever been grossed out by a nude. I swear to God, I went up. It's just so aggressive. It's like too much. Yeah. For someone that you aren't at that level. It was also like 2 p.m. Like you've been dating for six months.

You're fucking engaged. You're married. Like send the nastiest shit with the worst lighting in your overgrown bush. But like to a brand new person. Yes. I remember one time my girlfriend was in Italy and I was just so horny. I was like just send me like, she was like wearing a skirt. I was just send me a picture like like up your skirt.

Whatever. She was like I'm like in underwear that's not. I was like I don't care. And it was not a good picture and I was still like, like I just, I wanted to see her so bad that I. I just, yeah. That's, I mean, you know, again, we're not slut shaming.

We're not, you know, live your truth. But from, from us sitting here, from a guy's standpoint, like, some of it, some of it is too much too soon. Like, there's, that's what I mean, I start off early. It's too much too soon. I like to, like, take a selfie, but like, I'll angle it towards my ass and just like, yeah, I won't be wearing underwear. Like, I ease my way into a butt plug. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a lie. Whatever, do whatever you want. Like, whatever, do whatever the fuck you want to do. I just like, I just like, I ease my way. my way into it. The guy's like, butt plug and once the guy's like butt plug. Right. I don't know, Dylan, you said whatever makes you feel sexy.

Oh, you know, actually, you know what? If it makes you feel sexy and you're like, but you know what? As long as the closed captioning says it. Yes. Like, oh, fuck this butt plug feels so good. You got to put captions on that one for sure. And then I'll be like, nice. I never even thought about that.

Right. Yeah. Okay. So I do want to ask you just one question just to like veer it into like a more serious territory. But we haven't really talked about it a lot with a guy and you've been so generous and open. I want to talk to you about like performance.

anxiety because you and I have like talked about it a little bit you have it I don't I'm making it weird I don't have to it doesn't have to be weird dude my dick doesn't work a lot of the times okay and uh it's been happens since I was 16 years old uh I think it's it's mainly a in my head thing like an anxiety thing it uh the first time I had sex was in a car outside and I think I got nervous and I think a lot of times your first sexual experience is kind of like they shape how you view it in general And ever since then, I've always been nervous about, like, pleasing the girl, am I going to be able to get up? And it just becomes this vicious cycle that a lot of dudes deal with.

And once you think about it, like, it doesn't go away. And I was embarrassed about it for a long time. I, like, bought illegal, like, Viagra from China and shit. And I remember I told my urologist, and he's like, that might have cement in it. And I was like, whatever, dude. I was like, dude, I get really bad headaches the next day. He goes, you should be careful. There might be cement in it.

Cement. And I go, I mean, I mean, it works. So, because it does. Literally, I can like, like, burrow holes in walls. I'm like, I call it like diamond dick. It's amazing. I have a stupid question.

Okay. Cement pills. Yeah. It's literally just a cement on it. And I'm like, here we go. I have a serious question. What? When you take like a Viagra, after you come, does your dick go down?

It's a, like, for me, it does, but it can go back up right pretty quickly. Some guys that, like, stay. I remember I gave it to one of my friends who doesn't really, because here's the thing, man. It's so funny about guys. As soon as one. of them because I'm really open about it. I'm not embarrassed at all. I don't give a fuck, dude. I really don't. I take that shit. If you're fucking me, I'm taking it. And guess what? You're going to like it. Okay? Because we're going to be able to have sex. If we start dating,

I don't need it anymore. But when we first are hooking up, I'm going to take it. As soon as I was open about that with guys and I was like, dude, I don't give a shit. I cannot tell you how many dudes would text me like, you know, you think you can like give me a couple of those like people. I just want to try it out. I just want to like see what it's like. You think it's more got, like I've had, I've dated a couple of people that had performance anxiety bad in the beginning. Once we were dating,

the once we were dating, it went away. It's in, it's in the beginning. So in the relationship when you're secure and you know the person. It gets better. I can, I can like,

half of it is me just being scared because I like, that's what it is, dude. I'm just like scared. Like, I don't want to fuck up, especially if I like the girl. And if I really like you,

it's like the girl that I dated last year, like that girl, A, remember I told her, I was like, this happens with girls that I'm really into. And she, like, it didn't make her feel better because she was like, yeah, lucky me. Yeah, exactly. And I was, but I was like, we'll figure it out. Okay. So what reaction do you want from a girl when it happens? When it happens with a girl, don't be like, is everything okay? Because then that makes the guy, because number one, no, obviously, everything's not okay. Don't be like, did I do something?

Don't make it about you because it's not about you. Don't say is everything okay. Just be like, what do you need? Just say that. Because the guy usually knows what he needs. Either he'll be like, give me a second or... Give me a blow job. Exactly. It's usually, like, for me, unfortunately, like, I almost always need to get

headed for, like, to have sex. It's just like kind of like gets me. Yeah, yeah. Dylan's like, I have this condition. This really took a turn. I have this condition. Dude, it sounds so bad. I really just need you to suck me off before I fill you up.

All this performance anxiety is just, employ to get blow jobs. It's crazy. If you, like, put your, mouth. No, but it's funny, it's real, it's real, it's real. I swear to God. You're here for all this. I've really never had a problem with that.

But it makes sense if your anxiety is surrounding, I don't know if I'm going to be able to fuck this girl good enough. So you get out of your head. I get out of my head. She's also helping me get up there because for me, I could like, I remember when I was in middle school, my friends would talk about watching a movie and they would just like get hard. And that was never me.

And I felt like so broken. Like, I was like, what's wrong with me? I remember I asked my dad I was like I don't know like why why doesn't that just happen with me it's never happened with me for whatever reason that like mind-body connection has has never been there

like you know there was never a girl in class who you know like when Raina probably walked in when she was 14 and like I wouldn't have looked at her and I'm like oh boy it can't go solve a math problem now like I like that didn't that didn't happen I feel really targeted but that's

that didn't happen you definitely didn't use me for that example he knew what I looked like a I was like, wow, Ashley's hair is really getting me hard. Ashley's nails. Ashley's nails and hair and her Rolex hug. Also, that line, that line, what can I do for you? Like, is pretty sexy.

Like, that's a way to turn it back around and you can be like, you can suck my dick. Like, that's hot rather than like, am I doing something wrong? Which, by the way, there's nothing. That's a natural reaction to be like, am I doing something wrong? 100%. You're like, because also in sex, we're trying to not be insecure about ourselves and like get out of our minds to just have this fun time. But especially when it's someone new, you're like, are they going to notice this? Is it going to be weird? Like, are they going to like me? All this stuff is happening. So if you just go,

like, what do you need? Like, I'm like, I love like, dude, whatever it is. And you can even go, like, it's okay. If you tell, I also, I think if you tell the guy, I've dealt with it before, even if you haven't, just fucking lie. Just be like, I'd normalize it. Yeah, normalize it. Oh, my boyfriend had it. I've dealt with it before. It's completely fun. Like, we'll try again later or whatever. It's like, I'm having a really good time with you. Just like, because for a dude, this is his everything. Because we like, our ego is really connected to our dick. And like not being able to get, I mean, that's why Viagra is a billion dollar company.

But it's. I just think the total misconception, if we can't, if we need to seem to want to hammer this home enough coming from you as a man and also us is like that a girl, especially maybe a little bit more younger, she has insecurities. her mind, unfortunately, goes to, he doesn't think I'm hot, he's not attracted to me. I cannot. And it's like the actual opposite of the truth. But it's, we just have to train ourselves to think differently. I can't tell you how many times I've been with a very hot girl. And I've been like in my head to myself, dude, look at her tits.

Look at her ass. She's so hot. What is wrong? And then it's just this spiral. You just spiral out. Like you just, you can't. I'm like, what is wrong with you? Do you just please?

Like, I'm like pleading with myself. just figure it out. Come on. She's so hot. She, like, I've literally, dude,

I had this girl in St. Louis who was like, this didn't help. Don't do this. She was like on her knees, like, please, fuck me.

Please. And she was like, I want it so bad. And I was just like, I'm sorry. Like, just, I'm about to cry. By the way,

I mean, this, do you want to talk about performance anxiety? This was a girl who I met. She's very hot. She was by. And we met,

and we went on a date. And I remember we went to a bar. And she told me, she hadn't hooked up with a guy for like 10 months. And she just looked at me and she was like, you're going to be the first guy. I fuck since like 10 months ago. Like, I can't wait.

And my head was like, let's hope I hope I can do it. Like it just, that wasn't hot. That was me like, oh shit. I have to. And she was like older than me.

And then we went back to replace. And it like, it did not work. It was like comical how much it didn't work. I was like, what's going on? Oh my God. Like she was getting fresh.

with me, which I understand. I'm like, we're, like, we're also drunk. Like, I'm sorry. And at one point, I was leaving. And there were, like, whips on her wall. I guess she was, like, into whips? Yeah. And I was like, where are those?

She's like, wait. I was like, at this point, I was just like, I'm, whatever. Like, yeah. I was like, can we use those? She's like, have ever used them? I lied. And I was like, yeah. Totally.

Haven't. And she's like, yeah, let's do it. So she bent over and she gave it to me. And, like, I literally, I, I limp dick whipped her. I was like, huh, like just literally like, and she turned around and was like,

no, like this, whack on me. And I was like, oh! And then I was like, all right, sweet fucking bam, bam,

and then I was like, I gotta go. It's 4 a.m. And I just like, oh, that was the end of the night. That was the end of the experience. You beep her and then left.

It was in the middle of it. I mean, she liked it. It was the manliest thing I had done in the two hours before that. Literally. the manliest thing ever. Please, fuck me. I was like, I am not a man.

Like, dude, that's what happens to you in your head. And I was like 24 and I was just like, dude, this sucks. Yeah. I wish for anything. And for guys out there there dealing with it, number one, there's so many things you can use now. Like before Viagra was $60 a pill. And I know that because I bought two.

Are you serious? I bought two. And I had to cut it in quarters because like they're powerful. The first time he used it. It was with my girlfriend who was sophomore year of college. And I remember I took it. and we went to CVS and we were looking at like playing card. I was looking at like playing cards of the presidents.

And I all of a sudden was like, oh, like I started to get hard and looked at her. I was like, we got to go right now. And I think I, we had the best sex we'd ever had. And that was like, it worked. You saw George Bush and. I saw George. I was like this wooden teeth, dude. He pulled him out and just, hell yeah.

George Washington. Oh yeah, George Washington. George Bush. George Bush, I'd be like, paint me. Like, yeah. So girls, if he can't get it up, it's not because you're not hot. It's because you're too hot. And he's stressed out.

Just say what. I'm stressed out. And like, just be not. I've had so many girls be, I've had many women be very kind about it. And it always feels good. And it's made me be, it's honestly made me be kinder during sex also because I understand what it's like to feel uncomfortable and like, feel like you're fucking up, whatever.

It also made me better at like, I'm going to say, say this and you're going to be like, oh, wow, don't way to drop this. But like, it made me better at eating pussy because I was like, I better be able to make them come because if I can't get it up, yeah, I got that book by Ian Kerner. And I was like, let's figure out what that spider quit actually is because it looks like. I love that you said that. Yeah. It's great, dude.

And I told all my friends, I was like, you better not want to eat pussy. I don't know. It's, it just, it made me better at it. And I also realized it's not as big of a deal to most girls as I thought. Because I remember me and my girlfriend got in a huge fight. And we were on the street and I was just, she was like, why you're so upset? And I was like, because like, we can't like have sex normally. I was like freaking out.

And she was like, I don't. Like, I don't. I love you. And I just. I was like, all right. Well. But like in that relationship, for example, or any of the, your serious relationships, like, did you get to a point where it felt normal and normal sex life?

It's normal, quote unquote. I mean, yeah, it's never like, I think some guys can just like go. And that's just how they, I just had to accept that that that's never going to be me. I got to get like turned on a little bit. Like there has to be some kind of action down there. And I've learned to accept it and be like, if that's what it is, whatever. And if someone isn't down with that, all right, I'll leave. Like, I mean, yeah.

Yeah, it's not, I understand it, but we got to go. Is it all mental? Like, have you ever talked to a doctor or anything? I think it's mainly mental also because like I'll randomly wake up and just be fucking rock hard. And I'm like, now, dude, like, can you wait? can you wait? And then the reason I know it's mental is because I've been, I've woken up, been hard, been with the girl, and her be like, let's start fooling around and then I'll lose it.

Because I'll start thinking about am I going to be able to keep it. Yeah. It sucks, dude. I think if you can just be cool, though, like the scenario I had was like somebody, like the first seven times we had sex, he like couldn't keep it up. Like we would hook up. We'd like be in there and then it would just go limp. And like I was, well, I was his boss.

and I think it just stressed him out. And we ended up dating for three years. But, like, yeah, it was all mental. And, like, once I think he, like, stopped being so stressed out, it was completely fine. But, like, if you can just not freak out about it. We're thinking about a lot. It's great.

Everyone is during, like, that's the shitty thing about, like, casual sexes. You're thinking about a lot. Yeah. And, oh, what I was going to work into is, like, that's also why I think I went to go start fucking a lot of women. You became a fuck boy. Dillie, you're a little bit. I have fuck boy tendencies.

Okay. Okay. There are partial. When I think of a real fuck boy, I think of a dude that hits a girl up, asks for nudes almost immediately, takes him out to get a drink, whatever, gets them to go home. They fuck and he isn't talked to her anymore. Or he ghost her. If you hit me up, I will always respond.

I will never ghost you. Like, that's a shitty thing to do. Like, I try to treat you as well as I can. But also, I think a lot of people say fuck boy, this is. He's going to get upset. A lot of people say fuck boy. When a reality, it's you're upset that I don't like you. Like, you're pissed that I don't like you.

And the reality is, there's nothing I can do about that. I feel the way I feel you feel. You feel the way you feel as long as I'm not leading you on. You cannot get upset that I am not showing you the affection that you want. I think that's a lot of people mistake that. Oh, he's not calling me back. Oh, he's texting one more answers. He's such a fuck boy.

No, dude. He's not that interested. And guess what? He's allowed to not be interested. Well, there's definitely behaviors that are really skeezy. They're manipulative. Guys are lying to get pussy and then they are ghosting you. Like, yeah, there's a, there's a clear difference of like manipulative behavior from like a, you know, player, which that word is now morphed into fuckboy and just a guy that's just not that into you. I mean, being clearly let on

by somebody is different than someone just sort of like not responding anymore. And like, not every person's going to give you the kind, sweet, nice. I'm just not into this conversation. Like some people just like you said, aren't that into you. The performance anxiety in conjunction with casual sex, like, how does that work because don't you feel uncomfortable in front of a stranger sometimes? So I was saying the reason why I think I started hooking up with a lot of girls was to prove to myself that I could do it. That it was like a validation.

It's easier for me now that it was. Yes, like two years ago. But I still, like, if I'm hooking up with someone randomly, I'm going to take some shit because like I'm here for the reason, which is the hook up. Oh, you take the pills. Yeah. I'll take it. But, like, I also, I think the reason why I was going from Girl

Girl was, like, to prove to myself that I could do this. And because there were a lot of times that it still wouldn't work and I got better at it. But I was like, I got to, it was a validation thing. Like, I'm a man who was also, I didn't hook up a lot of people in high school. So I was like to get a lot of dudes that. A lot of dudes that you see in their late 20s who are just going out and trying to run through girls.

They were ugly in high school. 100%. And now they're like, they're trying to make their 17-year-old. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we've seen that. All right. Okay. Well, glad we answered that.

Okay. So we're going to wrap up with this game. We want to do with you. We did it one other time with Mary Beth Barone on our fuck boy episode. This is called I knew he was a fuck boy when. And we are going to, we ask people to finish that sentence and we're going to read them to you. I think you're going to laugh. I think you're going to be annoyed about some of these.

And I'm excited to hear your response. And we can just go back and forth. Do we want to start? Yes. Okay. So this comes from Mary Beth Brone's episode. She said this. and we got tons of these.

I mean, we had, we had so many. They're all about Navy sheets. So he had Navy sheets in one pancake pillow. Navy sheets in one and no bed frame. Navy sheets in one pillow. He had Navy sheets and Netflix playing when I got over at his place. It was Navy sheets, Navy sheets, Navy sheets are a big thing. I got one red sheets.

You have Navy. Red. Are they? What color should my sheets be? I like blue. Like, are your sheets? Maybe. No, no, they're not.

They're not, they're not, they're not, they're like tan or some shit. But like what, I mean, my comforter is Navy. Jesus Christ. I mean, my think my room is Navy. What's wrong? What's wrong with Navy? Navy. First of all, the Navy, thank you to our armed forces. Second of all, like, it's a good color. I like Navy. It's just a thing. What's a pancake pillow? Also, if you don't have a frame, bro, get it together. They're $40. I will send you one. Right. I'm part of a guy who just had a mattress on the floor. That was the guy that spit in my mouth. Well, uh, tracks. Also, I, with the guys that have sheets up or on their, like, window as a blind? That's just bad.

decorating. Yeah. Okay, I knew he was a fuckboy when. He told me he shops at Costco for his condoms. He was all kidding. Also, that is a fuck boy move. Okay. Oh my God. Use Amazon. What do you? His phone background was a pick of himself. Yep. I don't need to hear anymore. Wait, but no, there's, it's a two-parter. Okay. And his home screen was a lion. He said it represented the lion within him. Dylan dropped his mic. Oh my God. I want to fight this guy. I've worked with a lot of guys. There's one guy he had a shirtless picture of him as his screensaver.

Oh, my God. It's wild. And he kept inviting me to like his parties at bar. I think he was trying to fuck me. I don't know. I think you know this guy. But dude, that's that's the, that's the biggest. Any guy that has like a lion is like, I'm a lion.

Dude, you're a loser. You definitely still live with your mom or she still cooks for you and you don't know how to cook pasta. Yeah. Okay. He ended things with me because he was going on a week long trip to Bali and quote unquote, he wouldn't have Wi-Fi. Oh, dude, I love that guy. That's awesome. That's fucking awesome.

He might have been doing like a retreat. No, dude, he definitely wasn't, but that's so balzy. Like to say to a girl's face, you know, like, I'm sorry. Like, we can't talk for a week. I'm not going to have Wi-Fi. So we should break up. Also, a week. Yeah, that guy didn't like you.

Here's the surprise breakup. We'd been dating nine months, gotten a fight. He went quarantined in Florida without telling me. Yeah, that's just a child, honestly. He just left. That's just a child, yeah. Okay, this is very specific. He's 30 and thinks he's cool because he plays Ed Shearing covers at Italian restaurants for a living.

Also, what Italian restaurant? Can we go? I would love that. What Italian restaurant is playing Ed Shearing? Live Ed Shearin. That's like the awesome. opposite. I don't hate it. Could you imagine eating Fetuccini Alfredo and also hearing in love with the shape of you? Like that's just not. A hundred percent. I would love that. That's all of garden shit.

Wow. This guy's playing covers of Ed Shearin. This guy's not even a fuck like, bro, that's a loser. Like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. How about this guy? He had two phones, one for work and one for personal. Homeboy didn't have a job. No, that's an entrepreneur. Okay. I respect that guy. It's entrepreneur as a hustler. He's trying to get out there. And all. Also that work phone by work, he meant his side pieces. That's what he meant. This made me laugh so hard. I told him I was gay and he said, ha, ha, ha, that's hot.

Wait, hold on, but she was gay. She said to him basically like, I'm a lesbian. Oh. And he was like, hold on. He was like, huh, that's pretty hot. Yeah, that's. Okay. This one might hit close to home for you too, but I hate it.

Babe was included in every text. within the first week of talking. Yeah, it's horrible. Okay. That's horrible. Unless it's, unless you guys are being joking. Yeah, it's got to be joking.

Yeah, we say baby. Yeah, but like. Every text I send Dylan is like, hey, baby. I would never, I would never send babe. Okay, I think it's a huge red flag. I do too. I think it's weird. I think it's, it's over, it's, it's,

performative. We know someone who uses babe and like, he doesn't mean that. You know what I mean? Yeah, but he's not trying to date either. But I'm saying he probably uses that with a, like, 100%. Yeah.

Babe is such a... Babe is in the fuckboy lexicon. All right? That shit is... Yeah. If it's not your boyfriend, he's a fuck boy, I think.

Because it's such a... It's a name that you call your boyfriend, your partner. It's just performative. It's over... Yes, it's over familiarity. It's like a way of trying to seem like you're into them. It's manufactured.

It's such a red flag. It's manufacturing familiarity. To me, it's like, I don't even know what to compare it to. It's right up there with like being a Trump supporter. Like, it's such a red flag. Like, I hated that.

much. It's literally like one of the number one indicators of a person I don't want to date is babe too soon. I hate future plans too soon. Yeah. Future plans for a date. Okay. He sent me home with a large paper bag full of sweet potatoes as a parting gift.

Huh. Don't hate it. Maybe he's a farmer. I don't hate this. Yeah, that's a farmer. Farmer's over fuck boys. I mean, he was trying to feed you. Also in a healthy sweet potato.

They got carotenoids in them, right? Made that word up. But, you know. Keratinoids. Yeah. correct notes and he's trying to help. I mean, that's weird. I hope they weren't cooked.

Also, this guy was probably leaving was like, I got to get rid of these sweet potatoes. Take these with you. Yeah. It's like, hey, you got a great pussy. You're some sweet potatoes. Okay. This one, he said, when I tried explaining something.

Can you imagine? I'm upset. I'm upset hearing it. She's trying to explain why all lives matter is offensive. And he's like, shh, shh, shh. He invited, boy, that's more a piece of shit. Sorry.

Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Yeah. He invited me over to watch a movie and didn't have a TV when I got there. You're watching on the laptop on those Navy sheets. I know. With the mattress, with the mattress on the floor, that guy does not have a bed frame either. That guy doesn't have a bed frame, has Navy sheets and isn't using his own Netflix. You might even be watching on iPad at this point.

Oh, for his phone. Or his phone. And it's definitely either his ex is Netflix or like the person next door. Oh. 100%. That was person next door is Wi-Fi. His ex-S-Net-Lex. Is this Kramer from Seinfeld? Like, what the...

We saw a few of these. He started swiping on Tinder right after we had sex while I was still laying there. That's just a disrespectful human. It's so, it's gross. That's insane to do. It's an insane thing to do. I don't know why people, like, are you? That's the kind of shit that happened.

Dude, because this is happening in girls more than guys. If a guy does some dumb shit like that, you need to look at him and go, are you out of your mind? Yeah. And actually say that. And if he goes, what? Be like, that's so disrespectful. Like, you need to, like, you just, dude, that's when I would go call his shit out and fucking dip.

That's a terrible person. No one deserves that. That is a terrible thing. Yeah, you need to call someone out for the big. Are you fucking crazy? And he's like, what? I was just, you're like, no. Yeah.

We're good. Yeah. This is good. Bye. Okay. Speaking of calling people out for things, and I need to unpack this with you guys a little little bit. When he, I knew he was a fuck boy, when he called me three different names.

during sex. Oh, my God. How did you get past the first time he called? Like, you got to his second time and kept going. He just kept guessing. We made it to three. Are they different pet names? Yeah, I don't know.

Like, is her name Charlotte? And he's he like, oh, Char, oh, lot, oh, chari. I don't know. Like, I mean, that was hard. But, you know. Charlotte was a bad example. Yeah. I know what you mean.

Yeah. Louisa, I don't know. Alexandria. Alexandria. Alex. Elizabeth, Betty, Beth, Libby. All those are disgusting, though, to say during sex. This was probably just like, Rachel, Jennifer, Ashley.

Yeah. She's like, my name's Kate. That'd be what, yeah. Okay. He asked me for a ride to work the next morning. I didn't even stay the night. So they hooked up. She went home.

The next morning they asked her. He's like, yo, could you need a ride to the valvilline? I need to pick up my scooter. I see, I hear this kind of stuff. And then I go, I need to be a more confidence. man because these guys are reading these made me want to like a text to the last guy dated and been like please love me yeah i want you back yeah or just or just be like i could it sounds so bad i would never do it my but i'm like i could get away with so much more shit yeah if these guys

are doing that like how many rides have i not gotten because i didn't ask now you'll now you'll ask right that's right i'm going to ask a lot um i i believe that this happened okay he told the waitress I'll pay for her drinks, but I'm not paying for her to eat. It could have been a joke. But it also is it fat shaming. To me, I would feel like it was fat shaming. Really? I would think it's like, I don't have enough money to do that.

I would think it was an ill-placed joke. Also, first date, I don't want to hear that joke. I would think he just watched Wolf of Wall Street and was like, I'm the man. And then he did that. Or he's like a broke open micer. Yeah, exactly. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Or he thinks, or he just read the game and it's like, this is how you kned. Totally. Gross. Oh, the game. Okay. Um, he said his work didn't allow him to post pictures with other people on social media. I love that. I love when someone is just so committed to lying that they say some shit that is so outlandish.

And he probably said it like, like, baby, my, my job just doesn't let me post pictures with other people. Yes, he said it just like that. And she's like, what? And he's like, it's my job. Don't you want? And then he's like, do you like this how? And then he just starts screaming.

Yeah. He texted me, hey, what's up at midnight three years after we last spoke? Again, again, again, these are my favorite kind of guys. They just, they don't give a shit. They're shooting their shot. I did that with a girl that actually used to listen to this show. I don't know if she still listens to the show. She was the first person I heard about girls got to eat from because she had talked about

a previous guest who had been on your show, who was a guy who was a comedian, whatever. who had talked about being good at eating, whatever. And we started hooking up, and I didn't know about girls got to eat. And then, like, a year later, I hit her up. The last thing was like, hey, are we hanging out soon? There was no response. And so was like, so we hang in or what?

That's so funny. And she just went, LOL, and I go, I was like, so that's a yes, right? And then she didn't respond. I mean, I didn't expect it to, but I was like, might as well. I respect it. I know she screenshot it and sent him to her friends. 100%. That's why I did it.

Okay, he cried at the gym after setting a new personal best lifting. Cried. Fuck boy. That's sweet, dude. Listen, all right. That means this guy cares so. Now I feel bad, Bill. But actually, hold on, hold on.

That's true. Is he lifting professionally? True. Because if he's not, and this is his entire world, he should maybe get a grip a little bit. I don't know. Maybe he had a bad day and he accomplished something nice. Or is he on Roy? You're right.

Like there are a lot of things for it. But it still is pretty bitch to do in front of your girl. It's also, does he, is he emotional in other areas? Like, is this the guy that's completely emotionless? Yeah, point. He cried at the gym. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you were like, we should talk about our emotions. And he's like, I don't fuck with that shit. Right. And he was like, I hit 315 on deadlift. Baby, I'm the happiest person ever. And she's like, you proposed to me last week. And he's like, yeah, but let me have this. he faked a mental health crisis to explain why he had a threesome again he was like temporary insanity

he was like baby i'm schizophrenic and she's like what i just went i have multiple personalities and that was trevor he loves having threesomes i can't control that i would appreciate if you respected my mental health i was trevor i wasn't there it was trevor okay god you're You're honestly being really insensitive right now. I love that you said Trevor. Trevor, I see my go-to name. Okay. We'll final one.

I asked him why he blocked me and he said, that's just my style. Again, the mental health guy and this guy, I'm like, you guys like suck as people, but also I respect you so hard. I mean, it's the confidence of a mediocre white man. That's what, yeah, it's just like, that's how I roll. I don't know what to say. We hook up. You're getting blocked.

And he says it almost like it's a, it just is a law of physics. That's the kind of thing. It says it so much confidence that it would, I bet the girl like second guess herself. She's like, is this? Wait, is this fucked up. Is this a style? Yeah. Oh, my God.

This is his style. Maybe I like his style. It's like no. I love that. Oh, God, dude. Those guys are so bad. Dylan, thank you so much. This was so wonderful.

Thank you. We love you so much. This was a lot of fun. We love you. And I didn't say up top of you have a podcast. So please plug your Instagram, your podcast, which is great. Ashley and I have both been guests on it. So plug all your stuff, tell people where they can find you.

Yeah, you guys can find me on Raina's Instagram story, Dylan J. Paladino. You are there a lot. Yeah, I'm there every now. And then just enough for people who know I exist. And we're all psychos is the podcast. It's great. Raina and Ashley's episodes are some of the best ones. So listen to those.

And, you know, I don't know, write a review. That would be dope. Thank you guys for having me. This was awesome. well thank you again guys you know where to find us girls got eat podcast.com girls got a podcast on Instagram Ash Hess and rena. da.com greenberg on Instagram girls underscore got eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got eat on YouTube and we will see you next week.

Thanks guys. Have a good week. Bye.