Girls Gotta Eat - Does Your Vag Hurt? with Pelvic Pain Specialist Dr. Sonia Bahlani

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

It's our highly anticipated pelvic pain episode and we are so happy to be joined by Dr. Sonia Bahlani to discuss the topic. We talk about causes and conditions of pelvic pain, what's physical vs. mental, and when to seek medical attention. And we deep dive into the sexual aspect of it (why penetrative sex hurts, difficulty orgasming, best positions, lube, exercises, etc.) and answer burning questions like "Are tight pussies really a thing?" and "Are kegels necessary?" Before Sonia joins us, we're talking about shower habits/debates (again), sharing a ridiculous moment from a recent road trip, and answering the question "How many rebound hookups is too many?" Enjoy! For Sonia on Instagram @pelvicpaindoc and visit her website. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: HelloFresh: Get 16 free meals + free shipping at hellofresh.com/gge16 and use code GGE16. Buffy: Get $20 off your order at buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. StoryWorth: Get $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/gge. Babbel: Get up to 55% off your subscription at babbel.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To give that as the only line of treatment for people is just not fair. You know what I mean? Because there are so many other things that are playing a role at the same time. Their episode of Girls Gotta Eat. May 1st, big show month. Oh, my God. The biggest of the big. Last call for Chicago, this weekend.

The next weekend, D.C. and Philly. Then the next weekend, Boston. So many special surprises. Four of our favorite cities ever to perform. perform in. Oh my God, I'm so excited. It's really happening. It's really just all these huge theaters in these epic cities. We're going to have Matt Heseltine in Chicago. You're probably going to meet him. I'm going to put him to work. I'm going to send him out in the crowd. He won't be stripping. And then crazy stuff for Philly and D.C. And we have a really special guest in Boston.

I'm not going to say it yet, but he's been at previous shows with us, but never in Boston. And it's truly one of the absolute funny. It's the funniest part of the show. When he's there, I can't breathe. But, yes. But I mean, like, for me, as a special guest, it's like, I can't breathe when he's on stage. Yeah. It's nice. I just take a little break.

I get to giggle. It's like being on his family. So keep it in mind and get those tickets. Girls got to eat. And, of course, to all the cities through 2023. But I'm just really excited today. The day the episode drops May 1st, big month, exciting month. It's going to be lit.

I can't wait. Man. And if you guys are coming to those shows, you know, we want your roasts of the people in your party. Tell us who you're coming with. tell us crazy stories between you and the people that you're coming with. If you're bringing your mom or your sister or your ex, we want to hear all of it. That should all go to stories at Girls Gotta Eat.com and just tell us what city you're coming to

in the subject line. But oh my God, I'm so excited. Yay! It's gonna be my... I forget every... I hate that meme, though. It's like, it was funny once 10 years ago. Like, truly, that's got to be an original meme.

Definitely. But people always text to you, like, guess what? And they send the picture. of Justin Timberlake with his hair looking like ramen. Got you. It's always... Do you remember that? He was a sex symbol looking like that.

That is crazy. I like J.C. You were a J.C. fan. That's like being in love with A.C. Slater and not Zach Morris. Like you bucked the trend. Well, I had weird taste. You know, I like Paul from Wonder Years. But like, I also like John from New Kids on the Block, like not Jordan or Joey.

I also felt like I knew I was like a taller woman. I'm like, Joey's too short for me. A taller woman, you were like a little kid. I knew I was a tall woman. I was taller than all the boys. But yeah, and obviously that I leaned towards Justin. But like in the early days, I was JC. And I did a Peloton ride the other day of like a lot of those songs,

Backstreet and Sink it was Cody Rigsby. And his commentary the whole time was so funny. And he played that digital get down. Do you remember the song, Digital, Digital Get Down? And it was basically about like cyber sex. like meeting people on the internet. That's what that was about. I never thought about it.

You're like dancing in your room to it, singing you've no idea with the lyrics, man. Digital Get Down. It's about like having your webcam on, like talking to people in chat room. Digital Get Down. That's so funny. I never thought about it.

J.C. kind of wrapped in it a little. Okay, let me ask you. Did you have a 90210 crush? Okay. I am embarrassed to admit because I live right by the area code. I really didn't watch that show. Oh.

I think my mom. Were you allowed? I wasn't really allowed. It wasn't like so strict, but I think she kind of associated with Melrose Place, and I remember not being allowed to watch Melrose Place. And I think, no. I think I did watch some Beverly Hills 90210, but I never got like so into it. But I did like Jason Priestley, Brandon more than Luke Perry. Like, Luke Perry. Like, I felt like an outlier there, too. I've never had a savior complex. I don't, I think that, like, we developed savior complex as young because of Luke Perry, like, character, you know? I also would sit in my basement on a volume one and listen to 99210. I wasn't allowed to watch that. I don't know how to watch that. Absolutely not. I did also have, which I feel like I was appropriating because I didn't really watch it that much, but I did have a Brenda Barbie doll. What? They made 902 and O dolls.

I didn't know that. Brennan's getting divorced. You know that? This week. We're Brenda and Brandon. Brother and sister. In real life? No, on the show.

Shannon Dorsey is not in sister. I also liked it because it was like brother and sister. Like I had a brother. Like, I don't know. So I think that I think this is our last recording on your couch. We're almost done with the studio. 100%. I like this couch.

Okay. I sat on our couch yesterday because it's unwrapped now and set up and it wasn't as nice as this. Okay. I would mean to ask you. I want to give an update to the listeners that Raina did paint paintings for her house. And they are stunning. And I was wondering if I could buy one. No, I was wondering if you maybe want to make me one for my birthday.

I was going to give you the one that you said that you liked. And then I was like, let me just, I've been like drinking at night and then do my paintings. And you guys, they're epic. It's the texturing. It's texture paste. Liquid text text, make say you get on Amazon or Bick or Michaels. But the one that you said you liked, I was like, it just needs like one more thing. And I did it and now I hate it.

I think I'm going to scrap. No, give it to me. Start over. Well, let me see it because you weren't thrilled at first. You were like, I hate this project. I can't believe I did this. And then they turn out so well. Well, I really appreciate you saying that.

And thank you. And it's been like a real journey. And basically it was inspired because I wanted some really large wall art. And I went on Etsy and I like Googled large, just minimalist, like abstract art. And even like a 36 by 48 canvas with like a black stroke on it was like $800 to $1,000. And I was like, I could do this cheaper. I know we'll talk about it. But I was over on Sunday and I had this guy with me.

He just couldn't shut up about Raina's art. I was like, shut up. Well, you should have stopped coming over. You came over. You guys, you don't understand. First, okay, I got to talk about Sunday. Sunday was crazy. I was just at home, minding my own business, looking ugly as can be.

And Ashley showed up three times. She wouldn't stop coming over. Oh, shut up. And L.A. is, like, big. It's not like New York where you just, like, having me in somebody's neighbor and you pop in. Like, it's not like a pop into someone's place kind of place. So you did ask me if I want to be. wanted to come to this thing with you. Yeah. And then, so I knew you were going to be in the

neighborhood and I was doing my paintings and the first time you came over, it was so humiliating. I almost shit my pants. I did text first. You just walked in the door. So people were probably like what happened here. So I was hanging out with this guy. I mean, it's a friend, I guess, I don't know. It was a little bit of a history. We've gotten drinks earlier in the week. And so he was like, come hang out at this thing. It was like at this park. I made this face because I don't know how you be just friends with someone who looks like this. that. Well, if he's listening, I'm down to cross the line. We've crossed the line before. You've crossed the line. So it was at this park, which was 0.2 miles from your place. So we're at this thing. It was really fun, but I had to pee. And there was no bathrooms there that I could find. So I was like, I'm just going to walk out of arena. So I did say, hey, can I come over and pee? And then no answer. And I was like, I'm on the way. And then so your gate was open and your door was open. And so I just walked in. And yes, you look like you're going to share pants. It took me a minute to recover for me. Yeah. You know. You know. You left and I was still recovering from it.

You looked like, I've never seen you. You have such cute lounge were at home. Not on this day. You were like, I've never seen you. You look like a kid. Like you were this big Steelers T-shirt on and like old girls got to eat shorts and you were just like painting. And they had these really good burgers at this thing.

And so he and I left. I rode on the back of his bike. It was an electric bike. But it was like funny. I hopped in the back of the bike. And I was like, let's go stop by Raina. As you can see Raina and like bring her. burger. So then I put a burger in my purse and I brought you over. And then he wanted to see the house

and comment on your paintings. The writing is so great. Well, you like, it's funny because you walked in, first of all, when you left the first time, you were like, I've never really, didn't you look like this before. So I just showed up. It was really funny because you were like these people outside want to talk to you. And he was laughing too. And you both were like, these people want to talk to you and I like, did you bring people from like the event you were at? And you both like were laughing. And so I was just like, did you like round up people so they could see what I looked like in this outfit? Oh my God. And like, that's what I thought. And then it happened to be this like couple that was like asking me about the house next door and did I know who live there and could they rent it. My neighbor is so hot and I

will never let somebody else move in there. I even texted him to be like somebody was looking around your property. These creepy people, don't talk to them. So we pull up in front of your house, we pull up on the bike and I see this couple right outside your gate, like clearly at your home trying to peek in. And it was a little awkward because we were coming inside your home and they were like, sorry, we just like really want to rent this house. And I was like, yeah, okay, it's already rented. You know, I was really nice, but I was like, my friend lives there, we're going in. And they were like, could we talk to her? And I was like, what?

You're like, these people want to talk to her. And I was like, I guess I'll see if she's up for it. And so we walk in your house and like, these people are outside, they want to talk to you. And you were like, what are you talking about? I'm like, go talk to them. They want to talk to you. And then you were out there for a while. They asked me a lot of really personal questions.

It was really, it jarred me a little bit because they were like, they asked me how much my rent is. And in New York, it's the first question you ask everybody. It never crossed my mind that that's weird. but it was sort of weird that these strangers showed up at my gate and I was like, the home's on Zillow, you're welcome to look. And then they were like,

do you know what the rent is next door? Because we saw X, Y, Z on Zillow. And I was like, again, it's on Zillow. And then they asked me for the landlord's number. That's crazy. I don't think he would really appreciate that. Also, I will never give you access to the house next door.

Yeah, we're going to keep that. Well, Raina, she has been talking about buying this house, which then would make you that guy's landlord, which I am here for. I would love that. I would love it. I don't even know where we, were. Okay, so you, the second time you came over her. Also, I will say, I'm always doing pretty

embarrassing stuff in my house. It's my house. I'm always eating something gross or watching something embarrassing. And like, the couple times you showed up, I just wasn't. I was just sitting on the floor painting. You're painting. Yeah, it was super cute. Okay, so you showed up the second time with him. And then we left again. And you came back at the third time with him. Rini, you said you you enjoyed hanging out. You poured me a glass of wine. It was really nice. Don't be acting like I was bothering you. No one's ever showed at my house three times in a day. It was So funny. Just popping in. Just popping in. It was nice. We hung out. I know. I was like, can you drop me back off of Raines again? Hopped on the back of the bike, rode over to Rainus.

Yeah. So it was a funny weekend. He's great. I'm rooting for it if you like him. I think he's really nice and cool, but we'll see. Very hot. Yeah. We're just friends. Yeah, super hot. We're just friends. You know, you never know. But I wanted to say a couple of things really quick. I'll keep this short. A couple weeks ago, I did talk about, we had this conversation about having friends, family members, partners, even with cancer. And I did talk about my friend. And I just, you know, I just just wanted to acknowledge all the messages that we got. I got so many DMs. I've answered most of them. If I didn't answer, I'm sorry, but I was taking time each night to go through them and answer them, people sharing their stories, sharing stories of their friends and their partners and even nurses and

doctors saying that they really love the way we spoke about it, which is so kind and validating and concern for our friend, of course, and emails and resources. And again, apologies if we didn't respond, we're getting through it. But I just want to say thanks for that. And our friend has started treatment and I've seen her and she's in really high spirits and we'll see how it goes. But that's all I can say. She's in a good place like mentally, you know, with moving forward with treatment and doing chemo and stuff like that. So I wanted to just say that. And thank you guys, as always, for reaching out to us and sharing your stories. And then I did want to talk a little bit about the tour. So I just want to tell people a couple things. So you may have kind of notice,

like there's definitely more time between going to cities. Like there's been about two years between like Atlanta, for example, Philly and others. And then also there's been about a year and a half between Chicago. And we don't go to these cities every year anymore. We haven't really done that for a little bit of time. And I just want to say that we probably won't be back to these cities for a couple years. Just the way that our tour has been working out, this isn't any new information. But I just want to make it clear that like, if you're like, I'll see him next year, you won't. So get those tickets. If that's like a motivation, are you worth wondering about it, especially if you're kind of new around here and you're like, oh, do they tour every year? We don't.

So these cities that are coming up in May and even through the year, probably not. We wouldn't be back there for two or more years. So just something to keep in mind. And I just want to say that we know that there are astronomical criminal ticket fees, and we fucking hate it too. And I was in a conversation with someone about this on Sunday. And there is nothing we can do. Every artist, our hands are tied.

We fucking hate it. And we know you hate it. And I just want to say that we try to keep our prices down because we know these fees. and then we see the fees tacked on top, and we're so livid, and it's criminal. And we all know, and we know these companies, and there's been lawsuits and everything. Obviously, you know what happened when Taylor Swift is a different type of situation. But I just want to acknowledge it. It fucking sucks.

And we're sorry, and we wish we could do something about it, and we can't. Yeah, and we don't passively accept it either. We ask our agents to look into it. I mean, we are represented. I only say this so you know that we contact the right people. We're represented by a huge agency, and we ask them to please look into it. It doesn't matter. There's nothing.

do about it. And we appreciate that you guys spend the money that you do have to come see us. Yeah. So we try to keep the ticket prices low and we understand that the fees are crazy. Yeah. And we try. It's just like for fucking what? For what? And they're based on the price of the ticket now. Like you have ticket fees upwards of a hundred bucks for the fee. It keeps me up at night. I will say that. Like this stuff like boils my blood. And that's all I wanted to say. You're mad. We're mad. We're mad to. Yeah. And we don't like to have any problems we can't solve. It's not we hate it. It's not something we're used to. We're just you. Usually we'll get to the bottom of anything and we can't do anything.

Okay. All right. We're so excited to see you on the road, guys. No, we can't wait. Okay, do you want to ask you one question before we move on? It's an addendum to the showering at night or in the morning. I have another question. Okay, so I've been thinking about you.

So last week, the big debate on showering at night versus the morning. The most divided that people are, the most that people are like, I'm right and you're wrong. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. But really, I didn't do the math, but it's really split down the middle. It's kind of crazy. But, okay. Well, we were being tagged in so much.

At first I saw, like, a couple comments that were like, Brandon, that's so gross. And I was like, this hurt my feelings. And I saw equal amounts of people supporting both of us. And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, I kind of texted this guy. He was like, that's gross. You can't sleep over now.

I was like, I didn't even know what was on the table. I was like, I didn't even know who was on the table. I'll shower before. What guy? He also commented on the Instagram post. Like you sleep at his place anyway. I know. I was like, do you know where I stay?

We're staying in my place. And you can sleep in the guest room. So I wanted to ask you this question because I was just wondering this morning in the shower. Do you wash your legs in the shower? This is such a funny question. I don't know that people. Tesson perked up. She's staring directly at me and we need your answer as well.

Okay. Do you wash your legs in the shower? I get down in there. Okay. And then I shave, obviously. I feel like randomly my leg hair has been growing fast to the normal. Maybe it's the neutroval. Showering is,

we could do a whole episode on it because people get really divided over what you wash first and it says something about you and all this stuff. Okay, we gotta break this down. I don't know all the things, but like do you wash your armpits first,

your arms first, things like that. But I'm not, I don't like scrub so hard. But yeah, I do wash my legs. Like I do give them a touch with body wash or the washcloth or whatever. Unless you're, you know, Lee Hustle-Tie and been working on the farm all day, greasy and dirty,

I am fine if, you don't take the time to wash your legs, the soap does kind of trickle down there. But the butthole is what matters. And this is guys are not washing their butthole enough. I mean, the difference between lightly grazing the butthole and really get in there. There's a huge difference. I really got in there the other day. And I was like, wow.

Just toilet paper. That was rhetorical. Only Raina would answer a question like that. All of you were thinking the same thing. Like none of you had a little ball of toilet paper. ever fall out of your butt while you're in the shower. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't really wash my legs in the shower, but I shave most showers. Oh, I realize this about you recently that what you think are hairy legs are not at all. Like your bar is so much lower than mine. Like you'd be surprised the way I would

leave the house some days like wearing shorts like with I guess what you consider hairy legs. But for me, it's just like two day stumble. I've never seen you look hairy ever. Well, I did find a weird patch over the weekend. I was like, has this ever been touched? I was like laying out at the pool and I was like, oh my God, long, long hairs on the back of my leg kind of close to the ankle. I was like, have I ever, I've been missing that since I was 12? It was crazy to me. It's really funny. This is another thing that I have posted about and people are divided on is shaving your thighs, like your upper legs. This shocked me because I didn't know people just stopped the knee.

What are you talking about? People are just like, I've gone far enough. I'm just going to stop here. You're mid job and you're like, I'm all set. By the way, also, your legs are twice as long as mine. So it's never crossed my mind because I'm five feet tall. It takes me 30. It's like shaving an arm for most people.

I don't do too much on the thighs. I was shocked me. My mom doesn't either. A lot of people said they learn that from their moms. My mom, not a thigh shaver. It was like a meme at some point of like, why did my mom tell me to stop? That's the knee or something like that. But then, like, sometimes I like the hair, because it hasn't gotten dark.

It's like blonde on my thighs. All right. You like having blonde hair on your legs. That's what you want. That's why you don't shave your thighs? It's not long. I don't think you'd be like Ashley as hairy thighs. Yeah, I'm just saying it's kind of untouched.

So the little bit of hair I might have on my thighs from time to times like glistens in the sun. It's like golden. Oh, okay. So it's like a little peach fuzzy. That's crazy to me. People just like get to the knee and they're like, I hit the joint. I'm done. Let's do showering for the third week in the road next week.

And let's talk about what you wash first. Damn it, I want to do it now. Okay, we'll do it later. We need to do some research. Because it does, it says something about you and I want to get it right. Like, what are the options and then we'll get it right? Like, are people starting like below waist? They're south of the belly button first.

I don't, I don't know. Have you ever been in the shower and like forgot or did something out of order? And you're like, am I having a stroke? Like, have you ever been like, oh my God, I didn't? Because I have a whole routine. If I'm washing my hair, like, when my conditioner is on my hair, I wash my body, you know, like, while it sits for a minute. Yeah. Have you ever gotten, like, forgotten what you were doing?

And you're like, am I good? I've forgotten to wash the conditioner out of the top of my head. And I just, like, didn't lean back. So it's just, like, at the top. And I'm like, ooh, I got out all greasy and you got to get back in. I don't do a conditioner on the top of my head, like, at the roots. What do you mean? Where do you put it?

Oh, because it's like your scalp is, like, because scalps are oily. Yeah, I just don't, I don't do that. But sometimes do you ever get, like, a glab of conditioner in your ear? No. Oh. I don't as much hair as you. It's like if you forget to get the ears and you're just like doing your makeup and you're like, what is in my ear?

You know why I don't? Because I can do glob on top and I just, by the time I get to my ears, there's like nothing left. Did you ever have a friend that just like takes so long in the shower? Like we had a friend in college and we would be like, what is she doing in there? Like I'm fascinated. Like how do you take what I do and make it longer? Like any more than five minutes. And she would be like, yeah.

And I forget what she said. We quoted her for years. She was like, I got a lot to do it there. It was really funny. That is so funny. I do think about that. Like, how have you taken a process I do every day of my life and doubled it? I mean, I guess there's stuff to do.

Like, I do like to relax. I like a shower bomb. You exfoliate? I do exfoliate. Not every day, but I do Osea, like salt scrub. Uh-huh. Do you face wash in the shower? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And then if I have makeup on, like, I'm doing a night shower. like I mostly do. I use my makeup remover towel than do my own. Yeah. I take a little conditioner

and put it on my eyes and it takes the mascara off in the shower. Because Raina owns no skin hair products. So she's out here just conditioner on her face. Tesla is going to die. She's so gross now. Raina, I actually don't, I feel like I don't need to know anymore.

I feel like if I keep hearing about what you do in the shower, I'm going to be like, who is she? She's like, I do. I do have skincare. I do have skincare. Remember last year I got really into skincare? I bought it all. I just got to start using. I have yet to see it. It's on the counter. Okay. Can I share a story that was so funny?

It's your show. Yeah. So Rain and I were in the car this past weekend. Like for an extended period time, we're like a little road trip situation. I really got to bond with my car for a while. I got to go above 90 miles an hour. It was nice. And we pull in. And we pull, we pull, we pull out this exit. And it's a sign that says, what, 76?

It's a gas station, right? I pull off the exit to get gas. And I pull off the exit and we pull right in front of the gas station. I go, is that a gas station? Like, I was really confused by the quick as I shared. At first of all, I didn't see the pumps. And I was like, maybe it's a convenience store without a gas station. Like, whatever.

I don't know. I got, I literally pulled it in front of a gas station. gas station and go, is that a gas station? And you were like, what? And then you're not really like an out of it kind of person. You're like a ditsy person. So I was like, is she fucking with me? And then, and you go, yeah, there's gas there.

Then we pull. I've been laughing at this for so many days. We pull in and there's this tree. There's like a tree, a full tree. And Raina goes, it didn't look like a tree. And she goes, is that a pineapple? Nah, I don't have a photo of this. Google images of gas station.

Is that a pineapple? A tree, a full tree. She goes, is that a pineapple? A giant tree up. It looked like a pineapple. I was tripping out too, okay? It was a huge, like 10 foot tall pineapple. There was no indication that it wasn't a pineapple.

Except that it was a tree. I wish we had this on. because then you were like, I was like, what? It's a tree. And you were like, is that what a pineapple's like when it gets big? Is that a palm tree? I was like, what is she doing? You don't know the answer either.

It was just a tree. What do you mean? It was a pineapple. Like, think about a pineapple and think about it being 100 times bigger than it normally is. And that was the tree. Okay. Do you know what you sounded like? My stomach hurts.

I keep hearing, is that a pineapple in my head? It's so funny. Do you remember when we were talking about that show that, like, will digitally image your brain and tell you which person is. in the world they can connect you with. And you're the, in the podcast recording, you thought it was real. And I was like, Ashley, that's the tone of like, you were like, but then at the same time, I had just been like, is that a gas station?

And then you were like, is that a pineapple? And literally right before that, Raina and I had been talking about when we were, this is the funniest part. Right before that, we've been talking about how when we were kids, we were in gifted and talented programs and we were in honors and we got pulled out of school, I mean, whatever. We were intelligent kids. and I was in the gifted program. And so we're talking about how high functioning we were. Smart people.

And then literally, is that a gas station? Wait, is that a pineapple? Like, I will not ever forget it. I forgot that that was the conversation leading up to it, how we were both in gifted programs from being really young. Like, I was taken out of school on Mondays and sent to a gifted program. Yeah, like, they could not accelerate me enough. Like, I was so high above my, like, reading level, grade level.

And then we just fell from grace. It's so funny. I wish I had a photo for you guys. It looked like a pineapple. The gas station really looked like a gas station. I feel like I need to Google image though. Okay. Okay, we got this email.

I just want to pitch you the topic and see, like, your thoughts on it because I just thought it was interesting. Okay, so she writes in, I'm not going to say her name, but she opened it up really beautiful. It was really nice. The title is how many rebound hookups is too many rebound hookups. And then I'm going to give you some texture. Okay.

For context, I left a 10-year relationship last April, and I have been sexually deprived in that relationship for years. So I had gone on a bit of a bender. When I say bender, I mean I slept with 15 people in 12 months. So 10 years, sexless, deprived. And then last year, she slept with 15 people. Okay. Recently a friend of mine made a comment to me about how I should practice more self-control

and not sleep with guys after one or two dates. I love to hear that. She wasn't shaming me at all, but it did make me think. I'm curious what you both think about casual hookups and whether it really matters how many guys you hook up with in your thought girl era or not. I definitely want to find, quote-unquote, my guy, and no sex play is such a big role in relationships. So hookups have really helped me quickly confirm whether or not I want to continue talking to a guy or not.

Do you have any personal quote-unquote rules for hooking up with a guy, like not on a first night or a separate one-night stands for guys you are genuinely interested in anyways, would love your thoughts. So it's sort of two parts for me, like how many is too many when you're in your like Thawgirl moment? The limit does not exist. How long should you wait? I mean, be safe, obviously, but none. Like fuck someone every night if you want. to. Like, this is about your goals and your intentions and patterns that you might be picking up on if you're doing something that you're unsure about. But if you want to do it, that's such bullshit

to shame people. I mean, like, live your Samantha Jones life. I mean, I know that's a fictional character, but there's no limit if that's what you want to do, truly. I totally agree. And you shouldn't let people shame you for it. But if you want a relationship, maybe adjust your behavior. And I just say that in a way of all the things that happen when you have sex. You know, like, it's nice to get to know someone before you fold that into the mix. Like, there's no harm in waiting, but we don't have rules and don't have judgment around this. We just provide the information. And I know that people who aren't totally thrilled with the previous episode we did with a male guest that we talked about this. But I think there's a lot to be said for if you want to,

waiting with someone that you do see a future with because it does muddy the waters a little bit. and how you both can feel about each other, but also Brain and I both had successful relationships with people that we fucked in the first night, first date, second date, whatever. But this is like a mental check-in of, am I enjoying myself genuinely? Am I overcompensating for something?

Because I felt like when I was really slutty, it was rooted in a insecurity of being a late bloomer and having all those years in high school where my friends were having sex and I wasn't and feeling like I was behind and playing, catch up and also seeing such value in having a healthy, busy sex life and sleeping with guys and having the funny stories around it and just like being kind of different than your typical like Southern girl. Like if I look back, there was a lot in why I was so promiscuous. It wasn't

necessarily always about orgasms or pleasure. You know what I mean? It was like other factors played a part. So all of that is just checking in with yourself and why you're doing it. Are you actually enjoying it. But if you are, then you shouldn't be shamed for fucking as many people as you want. So many layers to this, right? I totally agree with you. I think it just boils down to how do you feel about you in these moments and are you doing this for validation. She said I didn't feel like my friend was shaming me. I guess it depends on the tone. I mean, I would feel ashamed if somebody was like, hey, this is kind of a lot of people and I'd be like, no one asked you. But if you said to me, I just want to like check in with you and make sure that you're okay and

that like you actually feel good about this because you don't seem to feel good about this. And I said that to a friend last number. Totally, totally. Or maybe like a year ago after a breakup, I thought she was just like knocking them down. It was a lot of guys. And I was like, are you all right? Like I just meant it as like, are you having fun? Is this good for you?

And I would never shame anybody. I think this girl on top of the fact that I think you should be able to go out and fuck anybody you want after a breakup, she was like I was in a 10 year, basically sexless relationship and probably really wants some sexual validation from the outside world at this point where she was just like, I mean, to not really have a sexual relationship with your partner, you just feel rejected over and over and over again. And of course you want validation. And 15 people is one to two people a month.

I mean, it's not really that many people. I mean, I think I took the email and ran with it and talked about a big picture. I think it's great. Just so we're clear, I think I just am speaking on it as like a broader topic. But yes, she said she didn't feel shamed. And I am with you. I guess I would just look at the signs and look if I saw a change in my friend. But yeah, my friend was fucking somebody new every week.

Like I would start to really take a hard look at if I felt like he or she was happy, you know? Because there is that of like you're really just trying to fill a void the same way it might be with binge drinking or something else. But those two aren't the same, just so we're clear. You know, sex is great. I like, I like, I like, about checking it with yourself and like, how does this feel? And is this for my pleasure or what is this for? Because I've had some very slutty summers, especially in college where I was just knocking them down, five, six, seven guys like in a summer.

And that was a lot for me. I mean, especially as like a 19, 20-year-old. And when I look back on it, I didn't feel bad about myself, but I wasn't really enjoying the sexual experiences either. Like, sex was so much more about somebody else's pleasure. And now I'm more of the elk of like, I don't mind waiting a little bit if I like somebody. Like, I'll also fuck somebody on a first date. I don't care.

But, like, I've had so much sex in my life with so many people. And I'm at the point where, like, I can just wait. I'm fine. There's no reason to not wait for me. I don't need to, like, jump into a sexual experience with somebody. But I have a lot. And it doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I just want to do what I feel good about in the moment.

Yeah, I mean, all these things are just things you have to consider, you know, if there are consequences and what those might be. This is just self-talk and self-reflection and considering all the factors at play. Do you live in a small town? Are you fucking everyone in the town? Do you plan to stay there? Is it going to be weird if one day you're like, you find a guy and you fucked all his friends? I mean, again, this comes from no place of shaming, but you hear that too where you're like,

I wish someone would have brought to my attention that I've fucked every guy in this town or in this circle or on this sports team and now it's a little weird for me. And that has nothing to do with gender roles, by the way. Like that's the same with men too, a guy that has fucked all your friends. You're probably not super interested. Yeah. You know what I mean? So just consider all the factors. But sex like done safely.

I mean, going back to our last week's episode with Anna about feelings. you could have sex with a few people in a night even, you know, and that's fine. Like, it's all fine if you're happy and you're being safe. And I like what she said. Like, isn't this how you get to know if you want to date somebody? Isn't sex such an important part? And yeah, I think it's an important part. And when I really break it down, like 15 people in a year, if I'd been with somebody for 10 years

and I was like, I'm going to go out and date. And once a month, I sleep with the person that I'm on a date with. Maybe this girl's on 30 dates. I don't know. And maybe she slept with less than half of them. I don't think that's so crazy. Not at all. You know?

Yeah. It doesn't even need to be like broken down. And, you know, I appreciate breaking it down in the numbers, but it also doesn't need to be. It's just like it is what it is. I totally agree. Yeah. Even if I didn't break it down, I don't care. If you feel good, then it doesn't matter.

Yeah. So how many is too many? How many you feel is too many? I don't know. It's just up to you. Just check it with yourself. And if you're happy, the limit does not exist. It's not exist.

Okay. I had a meme that I wanted to run by you and discuss. This really spoke to me. Okay, this was on Bustle. And the tweet was, I want more run errands with me friends. No, I do not want to spend $85 on a dinner to catch up, but I will go to Costco and an estate sale with you

and then get some tacos. And I just kind of love this run errands friend. I feel like I need to be normalized. Like, we don't need to go sit at dinner and spend all this money. We can. I love to go to dinner, obviously. But it's funny to think about you have an errand to run.

You ask your friend. I mean, that's what you do with like your best, best friends, you know. But I just kind of like that. No, I like it too, because like I think so many people, actually are like, I need activities outside of drinking. And it's like, run errands together. My friend Lizzie stayed with me a couple weeks ago. And she did run errands with me. I was like, what do you want to do today? She's like, what do you have to do? I was like, I have to go to the craft store. And a bunch of times. She was like, great. She ran errands with me. We used to do that.

You know, we need to get back to this. Like when you were in high school or college and then, you know, the summers between college, like Corey and I would drive around and do all of our errands. We'd be at the DMV. We'd be at Sam's Club. We'd have a car full of toilet paper and stuff. And we would just do all of our errands together. Those were like such fun bonding days. It's a best friend activity for sure. Like it's not a new friend activity. Like if somebody in the newer scope of my friends

asked me to run errands with them, I'd be like, what? No, absolutely not. But like what kind of errand? Also, it depends on the errand. Like Lindsay came with me to Home Goods, which was awesome and helped me pick pillows and help me pick art.

I like also having somebody with me to be like, that's ugly, that's stupid, that's great. I love that. You know, I like a second opinion. Well, that meme said estate sale. That's not necessarily an error. And that's just an activity outside of like sitting at dinner. I love that.

Or even like a hike or something. We need to like normalize different random activities with your friends. It's so funny. It really is just like a great activity outside of drinking. You're going to love it. Okay. So one final thing I want to tell you about also ties into Chicago. I have longer drives in L.A. now.

So I'm using this opportunity to list a more podcast. And I was listening to Deep D. Our former guest and Love is Blind Star. She was a new podcast called. out of the pods with Natalie, who is on her season, and they have this great friendship, and they're just talking about Love is Blind, and they use this season to unpack the current season of Love is Blind.

And also, spoiler, they're coming to the Chicago show. So... Get those last tickets. I can't wait for them there. We met DEPB, but I'm excited to me, Natalie. Well, I want you to listen to the podcast because I actually started with the most recent episode. They're recapping the live reunion on Netflix,

which got so much flack because it was supposed to be live, and then it wasn't. And they just said a lot of stuff that I thought was really interesting, just about being on... reality TV. One thing I thought was really interesting was she said that at the taping, no one's really opinion of Vanessa and how she acted was bad. That no one in the audience was like sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet to each other. And that like people like descended upon the internet

and started saying how terrible she was. And then it was like this echo chamber, which I don't agree with. That's interesting because I didn't really start to hate it until the baby stuff. Uh-huh. But then I felt like it was cringe. Then yes, it got reinforced on the internet. Like there's that one clip where she's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And you're like, ew, right, that was weird. Like, it does. It kind of reminds you. Do you know what I'm talking about it? You see that one? Yes. Did you notice the part? And I'm not going to rip Vanessa to shreds, like, because I have another thing to tell you about this. But Nick was like, I have something to say. She was like, ooh, Daddy's going to talk now. And he's like totally ignores it.

There's a lot of clips of Nick just looking at her like, what? Like, did she just ask me about chicken a C? That's it. Right. But that is, that's interesting. Also the interview with Jackie and Josh, I was like Vanessa, what the actual fuck. I thought it was cringe, but also, I don't remember if we talked about this last week, but what happened was that in editing, they made it look like Jackie, one of the characters in the show,

had basically cheated on Marshall by going on a date with this other guy from the show. And it was heavily edited, and it turns out that was not true. She said that. Yeah, so Jackie came forward and said that was not true. So they made it look like she went and met up with Josh. Well, the other girls were wedding dress shopping.

Yeah, I mean, it's editing. Like, that is so dirty, by the way, to doodle person, to doodle a woman, like, or man, anybody, but it's so dirty to edit somebody to look like a scumbag cheating, lying person when they did not do that. Listen, I would never do it. Never sign up for it. No, I would never sign up for it.

It's literally my nightmare. Yes, and I actually, like, it really showed me to my core when I think it was Zach during the reunion. I said, like, we've all paid for our mistakes publicly. I don't need to, like, hammer anybody else here. We've been like really, really, like, harassed and vilified, whatever. So, but anyways, the other thing I thought was really interesting about this. I know the reunion was a couple weeks ago old news, but Andy Cohen did this interview,

talking about how when he does a reunion special, they would never do it live because it's crazy because they have a time limit on a live one. So the live one was an hour. When he does one, it's four hours. And they edit it down to an hour. So he was saying like Vanessa and Nick didn't really get the opportunity

to ask questions and dig in and go deeper, whereas like he would have asked a million more questions because he has three more hours to play with. And I thought that was like interesting. I never really thought about it. Well, at the base level, you get a ton of information and then pair it down to the best shit.

Like by nature, a live, that was two and a half hour, one and a half hours, the love is blind. About an hour and a half. Like, it won't be as exciting to the viewer if they had recorded for four fucking hours and then gave you the highlight reel. That's just what it is. You and I, very little editing because we're amazing every minute. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We come with a plan and we go hard, but I'm totally joking.

It's ish, maybe not. But we're not doing live podcast recordings. I don't need live feed. back in the moment of everything I say. I'm all good. That's not what we do. But yeah, it's a crazy thing to do. Like, I just wish we could have been at Netflix when these decisions were being made. And then other people, especially engineers, were like, guys, I don't know. I don't think that's going to work out. I love that meme. There was like somewhere in Netflix, there's one end year. Yeah. I don't think we have the bandwidth. But even people who are like, are you all sure?

Because I don't know. It's interesting. And I'm going to listen to that podcast for sure. I haven't had time. But because of how much I loved Back to the Beach with Christy and Stephen. I love. I love. I love a pulling back of the curtain on reality TV for a show that you watched every minute of. I think it's just so fascinating. So I mean, like, I'm really excited for you to listen to it. And it just, it opens my eyes up, but it also reaffirms that I don't want to be on reality television. I don't want it. I could never be on a live taping where there's like instant feedback of everything you say, because these people are not like trained media people. Like, you and I are and I still feel like we would step on landmines. And I think we're great at everything we do. But anyways, I thought the podcast was an

interesting listen. It's interesting to listen to the two of them talk about it because they know it. all these people personally. Right. I texted her and I was like, you are so good at like being PC and she's like, I still get shit from it and I know all these people. But it's a good lesson and it's fun.

So check it out. You'll see them at our Chicago show if you guys come. Okay. And I just wanted to say that yesterday as we record was Azul's Gotcha Day, April 24th. Two years. Can you believe it?

I really can't. Two years ago, he was my first foster dog after Dewey had passed a few months prior and I was like, I'm not keeping this dog, man. And Raina was like, maybe you should consider it.

And I was like, what? I just think you're a dog girl. You know? And he's just truly, like, love my life. And anyway, so happy two years to his old. Two years of being the girl's got to eat mascot. He's just chilling. He is chilling.

I feel like he's gotten progressively more cuddly. What do you feel like besides his teeth has changed the most since today you've got him? His personality, he's so funny. Like, when I was first fostered him, of course, he was out of his environment and he wasn't going to be himself. But I was like, is he going to be funny? You know, like, is he going to be funny? Like, is he going to have enough personality for me?

And he's just, he has the most personality. Oh, that's so sweet. Just his lifestyle has changed. I mean, I adopted him when he lived in New York. And then, I mean, he would have so much fun in Delaware, but he's really living his LA life and we hike and he's great off leash. And I love his personality. I think he's become extra super fond.

I think he's gotten sweeter. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's get into it. All right, guys, we are so excited for this topic and this guest today. She is a GYN. but more specifically a pelvic pain specialist. In 2022, she was named a recipient of New York super doctors,

which is a prestigious accolade awarded to leaders in the medical excellence field. She is the author of Dr. Sonia's Guide to Navigating Pelopin. She has been in Cosmo, Bustle, Huffington Post, Women's Health, all over. We are so excited to have her today. Please welcome to the show, Dr. Sonia Balani. Oh, my God, what an introduction. Thank you. I love that.

I love that you said GYA, instead of gynaecologist. Like, you just... Because, Raina... said her you in OBGYN. She said her GYN. And I was like, I've never heard that. But it's just being catacologist. It's funny that you kind of took it and did GYN.

People are like, what's a GYN? Because you usually only hear them as OVGYN. Right, right. Frayne is just a brief. Everyone's like Googling GYA. I almost did a quick Google of it. I just deleted the OB. See, this is what I'm talking about.

Technical, just tell me. No. She knows what a gyatologist is. She got tripped off. I've been one in a minute, but no, I'm just kidding. I go all the time. Giving you a look like. Okay, we're so happy to have you. Raina was telling me you're away from your kids for the first time in a while. I am and it's like the best thing ever. Having the best time living my single L.A. life, I still love my husband and my kids. I love the disclaimer. People are, I love my kids. I swear. Right, right. I love my kids. I swear.

Well, welcome and welcome to L.A. You live in New York. Thank you guys for having me. This was a great reason to come out. You're excited about it. So you came up on an episode, I think in November, 2022 of Vanessa Marin, who's a sex psychotherapist, who we love, mentioned you, and she's like, you got to have her on. And people have been dying for this topic. Oh, my gosh. I feel like we've been blueballing them for months.

Like, we've been nonstop. When's the pelvic pain episode? My pussy hurts. Like, I need to get this information. So we're really excited to finally do it. Yeah. I mean, I think this is God's work that you guys are doing because no one talks about this. Like, I promise you, patients come into my office

and they're like, I didn't know where to find you, or I didn't even know I was having this because no one talks about it. So these type of episodes are the most important thing because the topic is so stigmatized. You know what I mean? And no one does talk about it today. But like so many people are like, is this a problem? Is it chronic? Or is it just being alive? Or is my boyfriend's dick just so huge and like good for him?

Like, what is this? So we're excited to talk about that with you. So why pelvic stain specifically? Because you were an OBGYN. No, just GYN. You're a GYN now. But you went directly into pelvic pain specifically. So why that?

So when I was doing my residency, I was working with this guy at New York Presbyterian who was doing only what's called vulvidenia work. So he was only working with patients who had vaginal pain. And when I was doing, working with him, I saw that these patients were also having neurological symptoms. And so they were being kind of tossed around from GYN to urologist to physical therapist to psychiatrist. And they had no clue where to go or how to seek help.

because this topic was just not talked about. So I thought it was a great niche to enter into because medicine is so compartmentalized, as I'm sure you guys see, like, in your own world. So this way I was able to treat patients more holistically, and it's been a great journey so far. I love it. Okay.

So how common is pelvic pain? The data suggests that one in four people will experience pelvic pain at some point in their lives. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that I think that number is drastically underrated. Because of how stigmatized the topic is, most people don't see care. So if you look at some of like the newer data, it suggests anywhere between 25 to 73% of patients. That's a crazy high number. At some point in their lives, do you know what I mean? And so it's not just like you have it that you have it forever, but at some point in a woman's life, there are going to experience

some sort of pelvic pain. And when we say pelvic pain, do we mean anything in the region? Or are we more talking about, it feels like it's internal, like we're not talking about like cramps and PMS symptoms, really, or what are we talking about? Because I don't suffer from it. I feel for anyone who does, but it's not something I have really experienced with the occasional huge dick situation. Yeah. Which we should talk about it. Because that's part of this. But no, it's a great point. So people when they think of pain, think of like drastic, sharp pain. But that's not always the case. I mean, you can have things like urinary symptoms, like frequency and urgency that falls into the category of pelvic pain. I always tell patients, you know, the absence of pain is not pleasure. So you

don't have to just have pain with sex to not experience sexual dysfunction or issues with sex. Because if you're not experiencing pleasure with sex, then that's an issue as well. You know what I mean? So in terms of pelvic pain, it can be kind of categorized throughout this. Some patients have difficulty sitting. They have pain when they sit for long periods of time. It could be pain with bowel movements. I mean, you see kind of like the large spectrum of stuff that can happen, which is why it's so kind of cohesive, so to speak. Okay. Yeah.

Well, people ask, like, you know, when do I seek medical attention? There was questions about, like, physical versus mental and chronic versus temporary. Like, if you feel like this is just temporary, do you suggest seeking medical help? Are there things before going to a doctor? So I definitely suggest seeking medical help. If it happens one time, you can say, okay, was that chalked up to, you know, was I not feeling well? Was I less lubricated? Was there an issue with positioning?

But if it's happening more consistently where you say every time I try doggy style, I'm noticing I'm having pain, then that's an issue, right? Because you don't want to have to have sex in only one position or only one way. You want to be about to have sex any way you want to have sex. So I think the answers and the nuances is essentially what I'm saying. I think that it's really easy to talk this issue up and say it's no big deal because that's kind of how society has taught us to be, right? Like, oh, it's just pain with sex. I mean, it's fine. You can walk. You to talk, you don't have cancer, right? I mean, like, that's kind of how we deal with this issue. But it's really not fair because those symptoms, when they start, can actually worsen. And they can

actually worsen again after years and years. So I see some patients in their 60s who are like, I've had this since my 20s. In my 20s, I thought it was no big deal because I was just told it's like, oh, you're fine, have a glass of wine before sex. And now I'm in my 60s and I can't have penetrative intercourse. Oh my gosh. No, I don't want to scare anyone. No, no, no. It's helpful. What did patients describe the pain is it like internal, like bruising? I mean, there's a whole thing of, you know, you feel like you have to pee. That's probably something different.

But like, how do they describe the pain? So that's such a good point. So having to pee is actually related to this. So I like to divide it up in my head as pain with initial penetration, pain with deep penetration, or both, okay? Because if you think about it like that, you can kind of think about what your triggers are or what the causes are and it separates it out a little bit. And then I know we can talk about timeline because some people have more pain right

before their period or when they're ovulating. So there's so many different factors that play a role. So pain with sex can be anything like a sensation of discomfort with initial penetration that's sharp, that's burning, that's stinging, that's itching even, where they think they have like some sort of infection. It could be pain with deeper penetration. So they notice certain positions are just not possible. Or when they have sex in certain positions after the fact, they're really sore. Okay. I'm glad that you divided those things because a couple of people asked, I have a lot of pain when I'm getting fingered, but not during penetrative sex. And I was like, huh, like, why would that be? And that is such a good point because people will say that.

And then they'll also say, I have pain when I place a tampon or when I'm getting fingered, but not when I'm having depenetrative intercourse. Because the cause is very different. What's the cause? I don't want to jump ahead. I'm fascinated by this. Yeah. So we don't realize, but we have 70,000 to 100,000 nerve and endings in our vestibule. That's the entrance to the vagina. I'm going to use that. I know, I know. I know. Get inside this vestibule. What are the outer doors of the vestibule and the inner door? Right. It's like the vagina. It's right. It's true. It's anatomically correct.

It's like when it's cold in New York and they put the things. That's how the restaurant. Yeah. The vestry. Now I'm never going to think about it the same way again. But you know what? It's kind of true. Yeah. So, I mean, that's the fact. So there are 70 to 100,000 nerve endings there. Why is that important? Well, it's important because if some patients genetically are born with more nerve endings in the area, they can have issues with placing tampons even at a young age.

They can have issues with initial penetration and pain. But we don't realize that nerves also can regrow in this area. So for patients who have recurrent UTIs, recurrent BV, recurrent BV, recurrent. current yeast, any type of inflammatory process, what's our body trying to do? It's trying to tell us, oh, there's something wrong, so the nerves start firing. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So you mentioned also around your period, and that is when I do feel more tenderness down there, like even just I would never get a bikini wax a few days before I'm about to start, well, I don't get periods anymore. I decided to opt out of that life. A lot of people do. First control pills all the way through. He unscribed in the email.

I know. I told a favorite. I love it. I was like, send me 17 backs of birth control. I need the stock up for the year. They sent her email back that said, you've been unsubscribed. Yeah. But back when I got periods, it got tenderness. This is not a hot take, but even if someone's listening in there, like, why is my vagina always hurt or my vulva close to my period?

That's just like a normal thing there. Oh, okay. Tons of people. Let's talk about that then before we move on. So this is also twofold. So whenever that happens, what's everyone's first answer? Hormones, right? You're like, oh, my hormones are changing during that time.

So that's exactly why I'm having pain. And while that's true, there's actually a change in what we call, that you guys are going to find a joke with this, which I love, inflammatory cytokines. So essentially inflammation in our bodies in that area. Okay. That is actually what causes the discomfort right before your period or during your period. Oh. That's why you can take continuous birth control. And even though your hormones are kind of staying the same, that inflammation is not changing.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. I learn. I just, it's like you think you know what your period is. And then I've just now found out like so much information in the last year from the guests we've had in the show. Yeah. Well, what your clit is.

So much information. What a clit is just found her clip. It's everywhere. Your clit is everywhere. And how many nerve endings are on the clip? I mean, it's insane. If you are just experiencing pain during sex on your period, is there anything you can do or that's just kind of like is what it is? There's a couple of things that you can do.

So number one, when you have pain with sex on your period, lubrication is not always the issue then, right? Because you're lubricated due to period blood. like if you're having sex in your period. What's often the issue is inflammation in the area. So certain types of positioning is really helpful during your period. Okay. Certain types of exercises too. Now I'm going to sound kind of hokey and it's not just because I'm here in L.A. There's like actually data behind this, but doing things like certain stretching exercises

to lengthen the pelvic floor prior to sex during those time periods can actually be helpful. Things like happy baby. I know. I know I'm sounding like, but it actually works beautiful. I promise you every single time. But it's why some people who really have a lot more pain have to use things like dilators or do pelvic floor physical therapy and stuff like that. Okay. So let's remove the period menstruation cycle out of it and just general pain. Like what are the causes of this? And we can go through them one by one. If people are listening, is there a way to kind of guide them

into the direction of what might be their issue? However you want to come at this. So let's come at it from kind of what we talked about before, kind of spreading it apart into different. categories. Okay. So sex is a combination of three things. So in the medical world, we say biopsychosocial. So it's a combination of biology or physiology. So basically anatomically, how do our bodies work? How do the muscles work? How do the nerves work? How do the hormones work? So that's the physiologic aspect of it, which if something's off in that aspect, it can cause things like pain during initial penetration. So there's too many nerves or the muscles are spasming in the area. So what we call that in medicine is something known as vulvidinia or pelvic floor dysfunction. And then the other aspect of that is that

is there a change in hormones in the area? So we talked about birth control and how it works really great for you. There's some patients where they're on birth control and it actually causes them to mimic a postmenopausal state in the vagina. They start to get micro tears. They can get a little bit of bleeding during sex. It all depends on how our bodies are functioning. But it's really interesting because you do have this subset of people that are going to get on birth control and they're going to say six months later, I'm having all of this pain during initial penetration. And it's because scientifically you're increasing your sex hormone binding globulin, you're decreasing your free testosterone. If you decrease testosterone in the area, you're going to have

microteris. So when you say microteris, I noticed when I went on birth control, the pill, I became actually like more wet all the time. But some people you're saying have the opposite reaction and they can't produce as much. Exactly. Exactly what I'm saying. And then- You ever notice that? Girl, I wouldn't know. At this point, I've been on it my whole life. I've been juicier whole life. No, I've just been on birth control. Yeah, the pill makes me juicier. I'm saying I have been on the pill since beginning of time. Got it. Okay. And it's so interesting, right? Because I always get this question in my office. Like, why do some people respond so differently to birth control? Like, some

people are like, I love my birth control. I'm never getting off. It's the best thing. And other people are like, I went on birth control for six months and I'm never going back on it again. We don't know the answer to that, but we believe there's some sort of genetic predisposition. So for some, reason our genes work differently with certain types of birth control. Okay. So that's the bio part. Okay. There's always a psychological issue with sex, meaning that our mind and our bodies are connected,

right? So have you ever been super stressed out and you're just kind of like, meh, I'm not in the mood when I'm stressed out to have sex? It's not all just in your head. There's actually an increase in cortisol that can actually increase inflammatory cytokines in the pelvic floor that can make you not lubricated and not want to have sex. So it's kind of like understanding that mind-body. connection there. You know what I mean? And then the third is social. I mean, this is kind of the stuff

that I was listening to on your podcast, which I love, which is the nature versus nurture kind of a thing. The sexy pictures, the understanding what being orgasmic kind of is. You know what I mean? And so it's a combination of these three things that we look at when we're evaluating sexual function. Okay. I think this like mental versus physical thing is really interesting to me. And a few people had asked that and I was like, is this the thing? I put it in our notes for you. Like if it could really be just mental and I was sort of wondering about that. So I'm going to say this really lightly because it can be mental in the sense that it's not all in your head, right? But have you ever seen that certain people will go on antidepressants and it affects their sex drive? Because it affects the

serotonin and affects your dopamine. It affects your arousal, like how much you want to have sex. Most people I've known, I feel like you hear that. Yeah. And so there is that kind of mind-body connection. we have to keep in mind always. The caveat to all of that is that I see this all the time when women walk into our office and they say, I haven't wanted to have sex as clinicians, as or as physicians, a lot of people are like, it's all in your head. You're just, oh my God, you should see. And it's great. Sex therapists are amazing. But to give that as the only line of treatment for people is just not fair. You know what I mean? Because there are so many other things that are playing a role at the same time. So I think in most cases, it's a combination

of the mind and the body. There's a physiologic response and there's a mental response and they occur together and that's kind of what causes this. Okay. And are there actual conditions that cause pain during sex? Yes. And I'll put it together for you because I don't know if that last part made sense, but I think if I say it this way, it's going to make total sense. So if someone has what's called pelvic floor dysfunction. It's when the muscles of their pelvic floor contract without them having control over it. Okay. So think about having penetrative intercourse. Think about putting something into the vagina and now the muscles of the vagina are spasming around whatever, whether it's a toy, whether it's a penis, whatever. Okay. The muscles of the vagina start spasming around that.

That spasming is not comfortable for anyone. So it's not going to be like, oh, that feels good. It's going to be like, oh, that feels like so uncomfortable. Yeah. And then what do you do? do psychologically when something feels uncomfortable. Have you ever been stressed and clenched your jaw? Right. You could just make it worse. You make it worse. So then what do you do? You clench your pelvic floor. And then what happens? It clenches even further and it causes more pain. Do you see what I'm saying? So that's one thing. So pelvic flu dysfunction is one of the biggest, I would say 80% of patients who have painful sex have pelvic fluor dysfunction. Oh. And where does that come from? Is this a genetic thing? Like how do we categorize it as treatment? It's such a great question. The true answer is that we don't know. I mean,

just not enough data to determine it. But here's what I can say. I can say that it is probably one of the most misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed entities because a lot of patients with pelvic floor dysfunction don't present with pain. They can actually present with urological symptoms. So this is going back to what you were talking about before. If someone can have sex and they can say after, I had to pee like five times after I had sex, oh my God, I just had to go, I had to go, I felt like I wasn't emptying. I don't know, but it went away, and now I'm fine. That's the pelvic floor spasming after orgasm. So the bladder's contracting, the pelvic floor is spasming, you're not completely emptying, you're leaving a little bit of urine in your bladder, and you got to go, you got to go, you got to go.

Okay. Over time, that can manifest itself as pain with intercourse. So what do we do if this is such a huge amount of people? Like, what's the therapy for this? I think number one, I mean, number one is having conversations like this where people can actually try to understand that this is something that they should seek help for. Do you know what I mean? Because I think most of the time we're just ignoring it. One of the biggest things that's super helpful for this is pelvic floor physical therapy. It's not that you always need medication, although I'm like a physician who does medication and procedures. A lot of times the first step is pelvic floor physical therapy, retraining that area of your body. It's also why a lot of people will have this after they have kids. They say, I never had any issues before. What happened after? Well,

there was this whole neuromuscular change. Yeah, a lot happened. A lot of stuff. On so many levels. I need a medical degree to diagnose. Yeah, what changed down here after I had my kid? Girl. Sweet the watermelon out. A head came through.

But okay, so then take that for a second. So funny, right? But then how come certain people can say with larger penis sizes, they feel pain? if you could have an entire head come through your vagina. Right. Right. Why does bigger dick cause you to have pain? I want to talk about it. Okay, so let's talk about big dicks.

Because I have said before, because I've Googled this, how the vagina is how many inches. It's like five inches deep. It can be even longer than that. Yeah. Exactly. Five to seven. It can change, right? You talk about a nine inch penis.

Like, it doesn't actually like, where does it go? And that's kind of our thing of you. joke about wanting this massive dick, but you really don't, well, personally, we really don't, because it's not that fun and it's hard to get into different positions and forget doggy. I mean, it's just tough. And why can some people like take it and others can't? Because we have different sizes vaginas, right? Different size of genes, but it's really about the muscles and the nerves surrounding

the vagina. Because our vaginal canals, you're absolutely correct, are somewhere around five to seven, right? Like that's in general, unless you have like cervical stenosis or something like that. But what controls the size of our vaginal canal? house. It's the muscles surrounding that area. So if we have muscles that are tighter, it's going to be way more difficult to get a larger size penis inside. If we have muscles that are more relaxed or released, it's a little bit more easier. Do you see what I'm saying? And so a lot of times with patients, I'll have patients come into my office and they'll say, I really want to be with my partner.

But he's got a really big dick. And I don't know. Like, I don't know if this is going to work. And there's a whole level of like wanting to make this work, right? And so oftentimes with that, we do do a lot of pelvic floor physical therapy. You guys are going to think I'm crazy. Other things we do utilize things like Valium suppositories that help to release the area. We do things like a Botox to help to keep the muscles released. We had an anal episode recently. A lot of the same because muscles and working out.

I had an axe who had a particularly huge deck. But I will also say that like not a lot of foreplay in that relationship, not a lot of like warming me up, making sure, like, I was ready. Like, it was just a lot of, like, he's up and it's ready to go in. Which is an issue. Yeah. You know? Why's an ex?

Yeah, exactly. Which is an issue. I'm extremely attracted to this person. I like having sex with him, but there was just definitely, like, not a lot of, like, build up. So I am assuming that helps. I mean, that's why we smoke weed and we can, like, masturbate longer and it just feels better.

Are you going to go down a slide without any water on it? Right. No. Totally. Like, why are you going to have sex without some foreplay? You know what I mean? Like, yeah. absolutely and that's so true about so many different relationships so even though he was well endowed so to speak

even if he wasn't and you're just going straight to it you could be like oh that felt so dry or there was some like initial pain you know it makes total sense right okay so do you have women that come in and i could see this in myself as even younger maybe we just aren't sure how everything's really supposed to go hopefully our podcast helps with that that it really is just a lubrication that it's really there hasn't been foreplay you might be you might be you're younger and not really understand how important that is. And it's kind of like, let's talk about Loub and send you on your way. Is that a common occurrence? So yes and no. So I will say that we're understanding a lot more about the vaginal pH these days and what we call the microbiome in the vagina. So there are healthy bugs that live in our vagina that promote the growth of even healthier bugs that help to prevent yeast that help to prevent UTIs. Lubricants are really important

because they allow for us to normalize the vaginal pH during sex, right, depending on the type of lubricant. But there are certain cases where, I mean, I tell my patients who are like 18, use lube, enjoy it. You know what I mean? It's there for a reason. Have fun. Like, I think there's like this whole, again, like social stigma that, like, if you need lube, you're not wet enough.

And that's not true. You know what I mean? Like use lube. Have fun with it. Especially like around two or three. Yeah. I'm dried up. When I'm drinking?

You're drinking? When you're drinking, I mean, drinking, of course, right? It doesn't just all night long, it's not a waterfall down there. Like the first time I'm great and then the second time we might as it'll help. And I tell my 17, I'm like, use Loub. Don't shy away from it. This is good stuff, you know what I mean? So sometimes I think lube is helpful.

But I think part of the problem is too, that's almost the only answer a lot of people get, which I think is the unfair part. You know what I mean? Just like kind of that whole have a glass of wine before a sex thing where you're like, hmm, that's not okay. Okay, so before we get to like more chronic things like PCOS and endometriosis, like if you have pelvic floor dysfunction other than lube and wine, like positions and ways that like you could make this better for yourself. I want to talk about that. I'm just a little curious if you touch on a little bit what these exercises look like. You mentioned a happy baby before, but like I'm just out of curiosity and is there stuff we can just do at home? There is stuff we can do at home. So, you know, if anyone's listening and wants to Google it, I would Google hip opener exercise as What you want to do is open the hips up and lengthen the pelvic floor musculature. So even doing things like the butterfly pose, happy baby pigeon, anything that's opening up that area.

Some people may even notice, I have a lot of patients who are like crossfitters or they're like bikers. And they notice that after long periods of time of lifting heavy weights or riding bikes, they start to experience pain with intercourse. And it's because they sit in a contracted position for a long periods of time. And we actually call pelvic floor dysfunction a disease of COVID because during COVID, what was everyone doing sitting at their computers the whole time? I mean, the amount of new patients I saw after and during COVID was like starkly different, you know? Wow. So we do this kind of stuff to our own bodies, not realizing it, I think is part of the point. And by the way, I don't think having a glass of wine before sex is the answer at all.

You know what I mean? But I think it's the most given thing that people say. And I think it actually minimizes the situation rather than trading it. But yeah, so with pelvic floor dysfunction, I think those are some of the best exercises that we can do where we can open up that pelvic floor. I mean, just yoga in general. Like if you're into that. Yoga in general is great. Yeah.

Other things you can do if you're having more severe discomfort is looking up things like dilators and wands. So there are actual tools that have been created to release the pelvic floor at home. So I have patients who come to my office from like Minnesota. They don't have pelvic floor physical therapists in Minnesota. It's kind of a newer thing, you know. And so I actually have to go through the tools with them in the office. I say bring in a bunch of dilators, bring in your vibrator, you know? Like people don't know how to use certain things.

We act like these tools just need to be there and everyone needs to know how to use them. Absolutely. I want to close the loop on the yoga thing you said because on TikTok, there's quite a few people that teach yoga for better sex. Oh. Trying to get them on our app to make some videos. But if you go on TikTok and you look up yoga for better sex, it's really like a thing. Totally. I mean, yoga's a thing for so many reasons.

Like, number one, just lengthening of the area, right? that's number one, the neuromuscular changes. But number two, yoga decreases cortisol. It decreases your blood pressure. It activates that parasympathetic nervous system, which is rest and digest, not flight and flight. It's on so many levels. It's helpful. Like, I know. I sound like ridiculous, but it really, really is. I mean, it's really like the most I do just outside of even a class, just at home on my own yoga mat, is opening that just because I cycle too. So I hate that feeling of when I get off the bike and I'm tight. My legs are tight together. Like I lay on the floor, butterflyed on my back for quite some time. I love to lay on the floor. Like, I just, I can't imagine

not doing that post cycling or whatever it is. It's the smartest thing you can do. There's so many people who don't do that, but it is so important to balance that out with that. Because, I mean, I have pro-cyclists in my office, and if I told them they can't ride a bike again, they'd walk out. They'd be like, no way. I'm not coming here, you know. Right. And so sometimes even it's the most basic stuff that I'm going over, they're like, I never thought about that. You know, like, yeah. Yeah. We brought a vibrators. We brought you a vibrator, by the way.

But I want to, let's talk about the kind of like vibrations, vibrators you would suggest. So like I am a big fan of experimenting with different sizes, different materials, different things like that. Because everyone has their own kind of like a way that they like things done. I also don't like patients to like overuse vibrators. Have you ever heard of this? Like where they're like, I know I've seen it on TikTok too,

but maybe it shows up on my TikTok because I like look these things up. but where people will overuse a vibrator on their clit, and then they have chronic sensation that they are orgasming on their clit. So over, over, over you. Because we have a vibrator line, so we want to tow the line on this side. So Dr. Ian Kerner has been on our show, and he's an amazing sex psychotherapist. We talked about, like, you can't get addicted to your vibrator, but you should, like, vary the types of stimulation because you can just... That's what I'm saying. Depend upon it so much.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I mean, even Rayne and I, we have a sex toy line, and we still... I love it. Take a break, use your hand or have sex with a partner, like anything too much. But sex toys are so important, too, you know, especially for patients with pain. I always encourage all patients who experience any type of discomfort to look at sex toys because it's a great thing to add to their armamentarium. I know. That was a weird word to use in that situation. Armamentarium. What is that? Like their toolbox. An armamentarium.

I like, and then I was like, why did I just? I love that word. We can do something with that. But it's true. You want to have all the tools, right? Especially as you're gearing up, if you have discomfort, you want to try your sex toys first. And then maybe you want to get a little bit wet or you want to start some lubricants. You want to have more deeper penetrative intercourse. Okay.

And what kind of positions if you're like, there's just some people that like doggies off the table for me. Yeah. But let's talk about positions. And I hear that a lot too. So for patients that are in actual exquisite pain, the first position that I tell them to try. when they're ready, is to be on top. The reason that I say that is because when you're on top, you're in control. Whether you realize it or not, you know which muscles are spasming. I know it sounds like, you will know, okay? No, we are with this. Same with anal even. We were surprised to hear that

was what he recommended. So you can control your own body. Exactly. So you can control the depth of penetration. You can control which muscles of the levator complex are really being hit during that time. So that's the first position that I think is super helpful. A lot of people find missionary or modified missionary to be more comfortable, you know, like a little pillow under the butt during missionary because it releases that pelvic floor. So that's oftentimes helpful because it helps to like lengthen it. Right. Other positions that I think are super helpful are sideline, you know, like side to side.

Because especially if doggy styles like not in your repertoire to start, you kind of want to start from side to side to help slide in and slide out, but also those muscles are more released during that time. Yeah, and I feel much more in control for both on our side. Like, I'm, I'm thrusting as opposed to just somebody being on top of me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a missionary. I mean, that's the least control you have. Well, I guess doggy's the same. But, you know, someone's like, what are you going to do? Push them off. Like, I like the pillow. Like, just under your tailbone? Yeah, under your tailbone, exactly. So you lift up your pelvic pillow. So it lengthens. We're working on a sex pillow. I love that.

I mean, and that's also necessary, and I don't know what this position is called, you guys will know, like where you sit on the edge, like you can sit on the edge or the partner sits on the edge and then you're like at the edge of the bed. That also helps to release your pelvic floor. I don't know what that's called. Well, I was just thinking of sitting on somebody when they're sitting. And that's a good one too. They could be sitting like a chair even. Like something depends on your like strength and your, you know, legs and whatnot. You just sometimes like plop down.

It's my best orgasm. Same. Man sitting. I am straddling top. Stradling. That's a good word. Yes. I am straddling. It's my...

I love the couch. You just love being on the couch. I'm asking on the couch. The couch, I saw it the other day. It's got some stains on. I hooked up with that prostitute. Oh, God. Wait,

Storytime. My butt was on it. Listen, if you know, you know, it's... Okay, right. Fair enough. Fair enough. What about... Because I feel like reverse cowgirl could be a good alternative to doggy,

because you were fully in control. Exactly. Yeah, that's a really good position as well, definitely, to give you more control, but then also to help how deep you're actually having penetration go. You're a little bit more control in that situation. So let's talk about, okay, it's not like pelvic floor dysfunction. It's something a little more chronic like PCOS or endometriosis. And maybe we define what those are and what to do. So what is called is polycystic ovarian syndrome. Okay. And so that's when there are cis on the ovaries. And the cysts on the ovaries can create a state, of hormonal changes in patients that can vary anywhere from missing periods to irregular periods,

to hair growth on their face, to just pain, to be quite honest. The other thing that you're describing is endometriosis. And this is when cells that are similar to the uterine lining grow outside of the uterus. When that happens, this can also cause a lot of pain. It can cause more than pain. It cause heavy periods. It can cause chronic pain. I mean, it's one of the most mystifying diseases that we know of right now in terms of women's health.

Simply because we really don't understand what causes it, stage four endo and stage one endo can act very differently, meaning someone with stage one endo can have more pain than someone with stage four endo. So why? You know what I mean? Like scientifically, we don't understand all of that stuff yet. What are the warning signs that one of these things might be happening? So let's talk about endo first because it's probably one of the most common things. So if you notice that you're having really heavy periods, I think that we normalize heavy periods as a society.

We say, oh, periods are supposed to be heavy. If you're going through a pad an hour or a tampon an hour, that's a heavy period. If you're missing school because your periods are so painful, that's a problem. Periods shouldn't be that painful. In medicine, we say the three Ds for endometriosis, which is dysmenorrhea, which means painful periods, pain with pooping, okay? And dysperonia, pain with sex. Those are the three signs that you may have endo. With PCOS, it's a little bit harder because it's one of those things where you can miss your period.

It's one of those things where you can also bleed too frequently. Symptoms of PCOS is if you notice that you are having any changes in your periods, if you notice that you are having any type of bloating, discomfort, or just feeling super uncomfortable. PCOS has to do with your hormones and endocrinology, which makes it a little bit harder to treat. Okay. Okay. And I guess this relates to pain during sex, you would obviously want to be treated no matter what. So talk to your doctor and see what would work. I think part of the problem is that most people, when they have painful sex, don't have one thing going on. It's not like having a common cold where you're like, oh, here's endo. Let's go ahead and give you the birth control pill. Or you have PCOS. Let's go ahead and take out those cysts or something. It's oftentimes you have more than one thing. So 80% of patients with endometriosis have concomit. healthic floor dysfunction, which is why it's one of the first things that we talked about. So then it's kind of like what came first, the chicken or the egg, or what's the biggest cause that's causing you to have painful sex? And you really want to target that treatment. Yeah, for sure. Do you see a lot of change?

We kind of touched on it. We joked about earlier, but post having children, is there more or less, or all across the board? Yeah. It's all across the board depending on the cause. So I mean, if hormones are one of the biggest causes of painful sex, then after you have a baby, you can have more symptoms. If it's the pelvic floor and you do deliver vaginally, like having that watermelon come out of your vagina, you actually can feel better because having a baby acts like a dilator to your pelvic floor. Okay. I thought that was kind of thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's benefit to it, you know, more than just a child. Yeah. So it really depends on what the cause is stemming from. But yeah, I mean, it can both be helpful in either way. Okay.

So maybe to like wrap up, we'll touch on difficulty orgasming. I have a friend who's been talking to me. about this lately. And she said it was never an issue in my life and I could always get there at least with a vibrator. But she said it's even tougher now with a vibrator, but definitely off the table with a partner. So let's talk about it. Yeah. This is the most important aspect of I think treating sexual health because it's the most ignored because have you ever heard? I mean, you guys know this. You do this stuff. But like how many people will walk into my office and just say, I just thought no one orgasmed from penetrative intercourse. I thought I had to have some sort of like

clitoral stimulation or vibrate. And while that's always helpful, there are people who can orgasm with penetrative intercourse. Yeah. And so I think understanding orgasm is really important because we said it before. I'm going to say it again because it's a key point. The absence of pain is not pleasure. You should be having pleasurable sex. Sex should not just be something that you're doing because you need to be doing. So orgasm kind of works in a couple of different ways. orgasm number one, one of the biggest things we see in having difficulty orgasming is kind of like that mind-body connection that we talked about before. So oftentimes one of the biggest culprits of not orgasming are medications. Certain medications will cause you to not orgasm, period. You know what I mean? And so we have to oftentimes alter medications based on that. So I have a lot of patients who come to me maybe on an antidepressant and they know a couple years later now they can't orgasm. So we can either add another medication like, it's an off-label use of things like Wellbutrin or other types of medications to alter those neurotransmitters in the brain to help patients achieve orgasm. The other thing that people do, and while this is not

medical advice, it's just interesting to talk about, I think, is utilizing off-label use of things like oxytocin, like the love hormone, you know what I mean? Which is super helpful for some patients in orgasming. And that third aspect of it is physiologic. Is there a change in blood flow to the area? If there is a change in blood flow, like a tourniquet, like that neuromuscular response we were talking about, if you decrease blood flow to the area, it's going to be way harder to achieve orgasm. What, like, what would do that? So pelvic floor dysfunction would do that because if the pelvic floor spasms around the capillaries, it's all connected. It's all connected. Yep.

If the pelvic floor spasms around the capillaries that bring blood to the area, you're going to have more difficulty achieving orgasm. Okay. There's like other stuff that happens too because if you decrease blood flow, you alter. pH, which then can start to make sex a little bit more painful. You see what I'm saying? So it kind of like all goes hand in hand together. But yeah, so there's different medications we can use to try to help patients orgasm. There's different topical like creams that we use to try to help people orgasm. And oftentimes we can even utilize things like Botox to increase blood flow to help people orgasm. So there's kind of different ways to tackle it just depending on where the real source of the

problems coming from. What kind of creams? So it's a, it's a great. like a THC kind of thing without help. That's a great point. So there are cannabinoid receptors in the vagina. We know that. There's type 2 cannabinoid receptors in the vagina. So utilizing things like THC not only help relaxation in the area, but do help blood flow to the area. And it's something that's being more steadied now, so we don't have a ton of data on it.

But I think it's a super interesting aspect to look at. Other creams that can be helpful to increase blood flow that we're now looking at are things like LDN creams, like low dose andaltrexone, which is an immunomodulator that we use. I know. Now I'm starting to get too technical. I got. Is there a way to put that into words we understand? Yeah.

Let me back that up. Cut that out. Cut that out. No, no, no. Keep it. The stain, Dana. So let me think how to say this better. I knew I was going to do this.

That's why I prefaced it. I mean, I think I'm a doctor. Creams that help to increase blood flow to the area are particularly helpful. So there are like plant-based creams or there is more. more creams that actually just help to dilate the capillaries in the area that help to increase blood flow that can be helpful. Yeah, we're looking into this. I mean, for our company with just arousal creams in general and just doing research because this also seems like something that people would sell and doesn't work, you know, like I'm sure there's some scammy stuff out there. So we've

kind of wanted to look into it. It's a great thing to look at because there's such a need for it. Do you know what I mean? Because I'll often get the response that there's oral medications that can help you with arousal and orgasm. You take them every single day, but they affect the neurotransmitters in your brain. So for a lot of patients, they don't want to take it because they're like, why am I going to take something every single day when I'm having sex? You know, some people are having sex daily, great, but some are not, right? And some people are having sex once a week. And they're like, I don't want to take something daily if I'm only having sex once a week. Sure. So there's a need for that, you know, that a lot of people need to start looking at in order to enhance sexual function. I imagine that if you've never had an orgasm or it's difficult for you, then you're in your head even more every time. And then you tense up and it's over. I mean, I remember having such a hard time getting a tampon in. It was like ruining my life. I was like, I can't not do this. I'm like in eighth grade. I want to go to this pool party. And I wasn't doing it right. And I was like, I don't want to tell my mom's so embarrassing. And then I would just try it and then start sweating and start panicking. And then I'm probably closed up down there. And the time. I got it, I remember I just had this crush on this guy. We're on this school trip. And again, we're in the pool. We're an indoor pool and like a holiday end. And I was like, I was like,

Justin's in the pool. Like, of course. Raina loves at Dustin. And I was like, I'm going to stick this tampon in my post name. It's the last thing I ever too. And I remember just being so committed. And I got it in there. Went down to the pool. And I had this like pink bikini. And then I was so happy. But probably months, and I'm not exaggerating of just like almost close to tears in the bathroom, not wanting to tell my mom. And it's different. But, you get like really, you psych yourself out if something you feel like is wrong in your body and then it's not going to happen. Well, guys that have ED.

I mean, it's the same exact principle. Good call. They're like, I'm not going to get my, my dick's not going to stay hard. Totally same call. It's the same physiology too, because what happens with guys that happens with us, they start to contract and it decreases blood flow to the area. And if they can't get blood flow to the area, they're not going to be able to get it up or keep it up for a long periods of time.

So, I mean, it's the same physiology, but it's so true. I mean, it's so interesting because I'll see people come into my office and they'll say, I tried so hard to get a tampon in. I mean, I was like putting it in and I, you know, I tried these different positions and nothing is doing it. And now I never want to go near a tampon again because you've totally psyched yourself out at that point, right? You kind of like don't even want it near you.

Well, even what, I mean, 25 years, I've been put in tampons. I still fucked up and I'm like, that one's got to come out. That feels the wrong spot. Yeah, it's in the wrong. Or it feels like it's going to come out or it's like, I know. I know. I know. It's so true. I think it's so important to remove the stress of having an orgasm during sex and focus on having one alone. Why add that into the mix?

Like then you're putting it on someone else and yourself. So obviously this is what we built our other whole company around is self-pleasure. But taking that out of the equation, if you want to, live your truth. but it seems to me that even ups the stress level and the anxiety and the pressure even more. 100%. And I think that that's the most important part, especially like if you don't know what you like, if you don't know what pleasure is for you, whatever that means, how are you going to expect someone else to give that to you? You kind of can't, you know? And that's why this stuff, the toys, the loops, all that different stuff is so important to understand what you like and don't like an experiment. Try. I mean, how many times have people come into my office and been like, I don't think I would like that.

and then they try it and they're like, oh, wait, I really like that, you know? You don't know your own body. It doesn't think you're taught as, you know, growing up. In fact, you're taught like, don't. That's so true. Well, this is so great. I'm so happy you're here. People have wanted this episode for so long, and I feel like we really covered a lot of

ground. I just have one final question. Yeah. About my tight pussy. I'm totally kidding. Are we so different with our bodies and some people are really just so much, quote, unquote, tighter? No. And that really is an issue and it's just a matter of, again, the same principles of training your muscles and getting there. And can you? So yeah, for some patients they have what's called vaginismus, which is like they can't control the spasming of the muscles in their vagina. Now, it becomes one of these social things, right? Because like a virgin has a tight pussy. Like that's what we're used to thinking of. But for some people, they actually just cannot control the spasming of the muscles in that area. And in those cases, it is exactly.

that, like, retraining the area and neuromus, like, using the dilator, sometimes utilizing things like Botox. But, you know, I got asked this before. The question was, like, are tight pussy's really a thing? And no, you know, the truth is that, no, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to put that on record. Love it. No.

So loose pussies aren't either. No, exactly, exactly. We are debunking this. We are like, everyone needs to know this. Like, we can change. Pussies can change. They're malleable. They're balanced and they're perfect.

And that's all that it is. And everyone's different at every different time. But I don't believe that, like, that should be some sort of a level that we try to get to in our lives. Do you know what I mean? Uh-huh. Love it. But that did bring me to Kegels and your thoughts in general. Is it-

So many thoughts. I love this question. To strengthen that muscle? I always say this, and it's true. Kegels have the best people. agent. I want whoever does PR for Kegels, do PR for me. Because everyone thinks that Kegels are the answer to everything and they're not. So if you are leaking urine, do Kegels. Great. If you're having pain with sex, don't do kegels. You're going to get a lot worse. Okay. If you are noticing that

you're having issues orgasming, don't do kegels. You're going to get a lot worse because you're going to keep decreasing blood flow to the area. So don't tighten. So don't tighten. Exactly. that. So I would say the vast majority of the time, I'm telling people to do reverse Kegels, not Kegels. Let it out. What's aqueef? Aqueef. Yes, releasing. But it's true, you know, but everyone thinks that Kegles are the answers to everything. We think it's the answer. Well, we have a friend that is specializing in incontinence and the pelvic floor in that area. So this isn't what this episode is about. But if you have that, Kegles. Kegles would be good for that. Correct. But that's the only thing.

Okay. We've released towards the end, this got real spicy. Fuck your kegles. You should be queffing. Tight pussies or not a thing. Put it on record. That's on that. All right. Great. Okay. So this is really great. We cover so much ground. We're so happy to have done this topic with you. Your Instagram is like an amazing wealth of information. So tell everybody where they can find you for more of this. You can find me on Instagram at Pelvic Pain Dock. And then you can find me on the internet at pelvic pain dock.com. Wow. What a great handle. Pellipainta doc. Okay. Great. And you guys can find us at Girls GottaEat.com. Get tickets to the

Snack City Tour all dates through 2023. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Girls Gottoee podcast. I am Ash Hess on social media. Rain is Raydon.com. And Vibes Only. We talked about this a lot today. You can shop the whole product line at vibes only.com. Follow vibes only on Instagram. Get the app. Get in there. Make yourself come. And we'll see next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.