Girls Gotta Eat - DON'T LET THAT LOSER MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT!

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

If you've ever been ghosted or gaslit by someone who wasn't deserving of your energy in the first place, this episode is for you. We're discussing how we allow people we're dating (or barely dating) to make us feel anxiety and self-doubt, why we shouldn't, and how to reframe these situations. We're sharing our experiences and our listeners' answers to "I knew I was too good for them when", and before we get into the topic, we're joking about our travel quirks/differences, discussing a hot guy pet peeve, and sharing the names we almost had. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Pretty Litter: Get 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $15 off your first month's subscription + free shipping at nutrafol.com/gge. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have worked out, gone to therapy, run your business, run 10 errands, answered 100 emails while he slept all day, and this guy is going to treat you like shit. Exactly. It stays. Okay. That was, we were just going to do a mic test, but this should be good. That was my test. So let's just go with it.

Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. Oh, my God. Welcome back. I think we're, yeah, we should be good. just this is the raw doggest intro ever did not do a mic check it's fine it looks good the sound waves look good are you guys enjoying i guess we're good you are Azul are you having fun

Azul's ready for Dewey I'm so excited oh my gosh we are we are between trips as we record back from Chicago heading to Dewey um yeah if you guys are listening this week which you are um I'm getting surgery on Wednesday and we're back from Dewey but in the meantime, we're excited to go to do it. Oh my God. Zul is like wagging up a storm. He just stayed with Jeremy, Chikobowitz, our friend.

It was their first collab. So Jeremy and I picked him up and it was like so special. I came into your apartment and he was like so excited to see me. It made me so happy. Just like leapt up. He was being so good. You know, I came to the apartment and he didn't leap up at first. And I was like, you're not going to guard this apartment at all, are you?

Jeremy was so cute with him. Yeah. So we were in Chicago and Jeremy got him. And he did his first Brooklyn. stay. Oh yeah. Do you like Brooklyn now? He looked really cute in Brooklyn. He was getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning. What the, I know. Jeremy was like, this is crazy. I know. Jeremy's like, I'm so sorry. I'm on this 5.30-game schedule. I was like, it's not for a long, son. So we just got back from Chicago. You had shows, which is why I came. My brother was there too, but also the shows were great. It's just, it's really

funny because I travel so rarely by myself. Yeah. So I was really like marinating in this experience. and like I feel like me you and Bella just make fun of each other all the time that's the nature of our relationship we just tease each other all my friends are like that like I don't have any relationships for people just like let me get away with stuff and this travel experience is so funny because I just did all the stuff that like you make fun of me for I left for the airport like really early I checked a bag even though I didn't have to I um I wore my ugly sweatshirt to the airport that you make fun of me for wearing because it is a little baggy I shouldn't wear it and rena no I

I don't, well, okay, you go ahead and then I'm going to do my rebuttal for all these things. I'll redline this whole diatri. I got way too much salmon, hummus, and shrimp at the Delta Lounge of it. I just piled it up. I kept my window shade up in the plane both ways there and back and every time I went to the bathroom,

I brought my phone. That is insane, all of that. And I was thinking about like airplane behavior in general and everybody's quirks and like how, like some people take their shoes off in an airplane. I think that's disgusting. Where you're in the animal? Like, you can't just keep your shoes on for two hours. But I guess I have like some like very funny quirks.

And I'm never alone at the airport so I don't get to exercise them. Okay. I'll have your bottle now. I've never been a person that likes to get to the airport super early. Well, I haven't either. Yeah. So I just go early to go to the Delta Lounge. Yeah.

So it's good for you. I will check a bag when I need to, but I really like to not deal with it. It's a whole other layer than it could get lost. So if I just am doing a weekend three day trip, like I just, love carrying on. You just breeze right through the airport and then with TSA pre-check and clear, like from drop off to gate

or to Delta Lounge, whatever it is, it's like five minutes, truly. So here's the reason why I don't like to bring a bag with me. I have short people anxiety about being able to get the bag into the bin above me. And sometimes you sit in a different part of the plane than me. So normally you would help me put it up there,

but if you're not with me, I get a lot of anxiety about being able to reach the overhead bin. So that's what tall friends are for. But my anxiety is not being first on the plane. And I will like rush to the gate. I want to be first or last. If you're not first, you're last.

Like that's how I feel. Because if I'm not carrying on, I'll be dead lost in the plane. You and I, we've been like the lot, they've been paging us, you know, but if I need to get my bag in the overhead bin,

which, I mean, listen, I do mostly fly in first class. It's usually not an issue. But sometimes those fill up and I don't want to check it because the whole thing is I'm not checking it. So I just don't want to do it. So I get a little anxiety surrounding that. I need to back up this sweatshirt of yours.

This is, I do, I do not care what you wear. But sometimes you will wear a long, baggy quarter zip. You'll wear a Nike quarter zip looking like my ex on a game day, on a chilly fall game day, wearing a quarter zip over a jersey. And then you'll like meet a guy or something happens where you're still every time you'll be in the quarter zip. Yes. And it gives you no shape. Then you are like, I regret wearing this. And I'm like, Raina, if you're going to be out scoping for guys, like this happened so many times. Like the- And then you wore the quarter-zip and you kept it on as

we're walking around Toronto. And then we went and did all these, we did all these photos and you were trying to look sexy in this baggy quarter-zip. And then you were, and then you were complaining. And I was like, you should have just dress better. So I'm looking out for you. And then her food situation. So I hate wasting food. I just hate wasting food. Like I will bring a leftovers.

I'm going to clean your plate. Girl, like whatever it is. So when I see you put four pounds of hummus, look like you're about to feed a Super Bowl party on your plate and we have 10 minutes. I am like, Raina stop. I put this in my Instagram story.

I was like, I would never buffet shame somebody. But you go so hard. And like your eyes just are so much bigger than your stomach when you're in buffet line and then you see all the seafood and like no one loves airport lounge seafood more than her reina so this isn't about shaming your lifestyle choices it's like I'm trying to protect you from yourself and then the window shade thing girl I can't so the person in front of me had their window shade up and I post on Instagram people are like is that reina I'm like I wish it was

rena because I would reach right up and pop it down yesterday you would have been proud of me because it was, I will say it's not fair on early morning flights. I had a 10 a.m. flight, so I did try to be respectful with the girl next to me who had her hood up and sunglasses on trying to sleep. So I did keep mine just shade down, but the person right across from us lifted theirs up, at which point I knew

they had ruined the flight for everybody, and I could lean into it. It's so obnoxious. And then I took my phone to the bathroom every single time. I took some thirst traps in the bathroom on the plane. Ew. I was wearing a wrestling singlet. I looked good. In the plane bathroom, you'd just like huffing a porta potty in the air. You're like, let me stay in here and take some photos.

So I mean, I have to lean into all my weird being here. No one could talk about it. Oh, my God. Do you ever get up to go to the bathroom and someone's in there? You just have to stand in the aisle. Yeah, all the time. That's why I wish I had my phone, because you're just standing there, looking around. Also, I was thinking about you because you would never, I feel like you would never do this. I was, well, you're also a foot taller than I am, so I don't think if you even experience this as much. But the guy next to me, fell asleep and he had his headphones in also.

So there was like, I couldn't even climb over him because first of all, there's no way I could make it over a man, but then he had the headphones in. Oh my God. And I was thinking that you would probably wake a person up. You'd like tap them. And I will sit there and give myself a UTI before I wake a person up on a plane and it's not good. I mean, if there's a chance I could hold it till A, we land or B, we wake up, I will. I really don't want to wake somebody up.

I will very awkwardly straddle someone if it's physically possible. I don't care. Like, I would prefer to be awkwardly straddled than woken up. But when the headphones, you're right. So the cord. But also, if he's sleeping, you know, I do crazy stuff. I know. I would unplug the headphones.

He listened to him. He's sleeping. I mean, sleeping. So he's sleeping. So he forgot to, I'm unplugging. You're unplugging. Just resting it on his body. What is the cord?

Just put it in his pocket. I just ball it up. I just ball it up and put it in his pocket. I will sit there literally on a plane. holding my breath like to the point that I have to like throw up before I wake a person up. I mean, I told you this recently that I everybody has a different a bladder size, but B, how much they can hold it. I think after you have children, it changes a little bit in terms of how long you can hold your bladder. But I hadn't had a situation in a long time where I was like,

I have to pee and I can't. And that's a panicky anxiety inducing feeling. And when I took that plane flight down to rescue those dogs, it was on January. 8th, the day the Dewey had passed, and like, we went to get a dog from Azul's rescue and bring them up. It was this thing I do with Animal Lighthouse. I talked about it back then in January. I just, I mean, I did have my morning coffee. So, I mean, I did go right before, but like, right before it meant there was still 30 more minutes before we got the plane out, you know, so about 30 minutes into the flight, I had to pee, and we had three more hours and there was just no way. Like, I just was in full panic mode. I was trying to read and just, and then my mouth is also dry,

but I'm not drinking water. Then the guy, the pilot wanted to do an interview with me. Like, it was really cute. You know, he put his like, it was the whole time, I was like, oh, my God. And I just felt like it was this mental training. And ever since then, I'm feeling I'm a better person for it. Like, I can hold it a little more than I used to be able to.

Really? Okay. Like when you hold your breath underwater, you can't for it. When I do handstand contests in the bowl. Peeing, I can hold. It's, it's, it's, painful, but I can do it to the point that I, like, feel like I'm going to be sick. If I have to poop, it's an emergency.

There is no holding it in. I will wake you up. I will do literally, and I'll kill your mother. If I have to poop, I have to poop immediately. Yeah, I guess it depends. I mean, there are 70 times I've felt like a pressure that I'm like, I can hold on to this for a minute. But if it's like a diarrhea situation, you got to go. Like last week.

How many interviews am I going to bring up explosive decoram? She can't stop. So we had such a good time in Chicago. It's truly so much fun. I mean, I did these three shows at this place called The Den Theater. They were all so incredible. Chicago is one of my top three favorite comedy audiences.

They're just so incredible. And you came to the last show. And then Kate, my best friend from L.A. came in. And then Kate Kennedy came. And your brother was there. Chicago royalty. Sure. A joke you made about him made me laugh.

I was watching back the tape. I could hear your laugh. Like, I made a joke about your brother. And your laugh is like permeating throughout the room. I could hear you laughing the whole night, which everyone's laughing. They were amazing. And, you know, I was funny. And the laughs were so loud.

It was this amazing venue for acoustics. But I could hear yours. And it's so validating because you've heard these jokes. I mean, I guess not all. Like, I guess I mix it up a lot. I do a lot of new material. But it just really is like so validating. And like, as long as rain is laughing.

Well, I also hear you, like I was telling you this, that every time I see you do stand up, it's like a little different. It's a little bit better. the jokes get like even tighter. You add things in, you take things out. I mean, that's how it should be when you work on a craft all the time every single day.

Like, that's why, like when people are like, are they breaking up? Because you're doing comedy. It's like, no, Ashley does comedy every night. I don't. So like, you work on it so hard so the jokes just get better every single time.

Well, I'm always like, how can this get better and it's so funny? And then it just does. And this was like the best I've seen it. And I didn't know that it was like, my brother even was like, you're like a very distinctive laugh. I don't know.

It's just, it was funny. You're the best laugh. Thanks. I also think people, like your best friends and people you love, you just think they're funny. You know what I mean?

Like you want to laugh anyway, but it was just very funny. And I was watching it back when I came out to the show you came out. You were there. And I was like, Rainy Greenberg's here,

everybody. People knew you were there. You'd have to, you'd been sign an autographs. You'd have to stand under a spotlight while they try, while they good fellas brought in a table to the center of the room.

Yeah, they did a great job. But keeping your presence low key was not the thing they did the best. I mean, they're incredible. who notion to them. Like, I'm obsessed with that beat on the staff was so great. But they're like, yeah, now you can go to Will Call.

Now you can stand here. Now you can stand right under the spotlight. Yeah. And they're like, do you mind? And I was like, kind of. But it's okay. I met a lot of you. It's really fun.

I took a lot of photos. Took photos of my brother. It's fun. Someone brought their vibes only velvet pouch for you to sign, which is I cannot get over it. Like, first of all, this video of you signing an autograph was like so cute to me. Because I just don't even know.

There's been a few times where you and I've signed autographs. It's kind of an old school thing. that weird thing at the airport in Montreal. But like to see you get like bombarded by these fans, but then you're signing the bag, it just like warmed my heart. And you look like such a professional celebrity. You were like giggling.

You're like, oh my God. Like you're like a sign. And how what a cool thing for her to bring to sign. I know. I loved it. Like that is the coolest thing I've seen. Like if we do vibes only traveling events, bring your velvet pouches.

I was really flattered and I never thought I would sign a vibrator pouch. But here we are. And just, you know, to plug our company, It's a preview experience. We send you a beautiful velvet pouch with your vibrators. You can travel with it.

And easily signed with a Sharpie, apparently. Girl brought a Sharpie. How did she even know that she was going to meet one of us? I guess we did say that I was coming to the shows. Yeah. She probably could have guessed it was going to be the last one we did. Or I did. So it was really great.

We just had such a fun time. We did do the architecture tour on the boat in Chicago. Can't recommend it enough. I've done it twice now. I love it. So great. We had some Lumanades. Oh my God.

I've never been a huge fan of Deep Dish. That was my favorite. Really? I had Lumal Naut. I used to go to Chicago all the time. I worked for Groupon, if you guys don't know that for three years, and they're based there.

So I used to go there all the time. And I had Lumal Nottis, but I don't know, that was the best it's ever been. I mean, I do think that Lumanati's and Giordano's are, like, are actually so good.

It's not like a Pats and Gino's Philly situation. Like, Pat's and Gino's cheese steaks, they're like these Philly cheese steaks, but like the locals don't like them and they're not good. They're just not, like, you know, I hope they're not listening. but that's not the case with Luminati's and Giordanos,

Jordanos, I don't know if I'm saying it right. They're so good. I just prefer Lomonades. I had that picture that was on my hinge forever and my dating apps of me eating it at Lollapalooza and guys would always be like, is that Luminatis. I like that sounds like Illuminati. I like it.

You say it is one word. Yeah. Luminatis. So they had that in the green room for us after the show, which was just iconic. Then we did that in Detroit too. Like, I'm not doing this every time, but this is like my new thing.

Like if we've, we've done shows and to have a pizza waiting for you after. It's amazing. Maybe one of my things one day will be actually admitting that I'm eating it. Because every single time, I'm like, I don't eat any. I just had a big dinner. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to drink on stage. I don't need anything. And then every time, never in Detroit, you're like, you said you weren't going to eat this. I literally to put it on our card, but I paid for it. You're not like a stingy fried. You'll pay for shit. But that was, both these times I was like, I don't need it. I'm not going to eat it. Again, I just need you to be honest with yourself. I'm not. I'm just trying to take care of you. I always know.

Like, I know you better than you, which is a true friendship. You need to watch out for me more, Raina, because I've been, I do some shit and you don't call me on it. When I ate that pepper, when I dry shave my legs, like, I told you not to dry shave your legs. And when you ate that pepper, I was like, she's really going for it. I can't believe. I told Rayna, you said to not let you look like shit when you filmed this podcast, and I think we've been holding each other accountable. I don't agree. But I am more.

helicopter parent to you and you like you just let me you just let me fly that's your vibe like when i was dry shaving my legs that day which was the worst mistake i ever made they were painful for three days later you were like that was crazy like you weren't even like actually stop it i would have like right i would have grabbed the razor from your hand and then the other day i put a whole halapina on my mouth i don't why and you were just like, that's crazy. Like, you don't stop these things. So another thing we just wanted to talk about in Chicago, we stayed at the Pendry Hotel in Chicago, which you guys have heard us talk about the Pendry numerous times, different

properties. This is a place we've stayed in a bunch of different cities. We called ourselves the Pendry family. We had sex in these rooms. Like, we talked about that. We had sex in multiple Pendry in multiple cities in multiple cities and multiple cities. in multiple cities, yeah. And we were in the Pendry in Chicago

and we had fans, girls got to eat fans come up and be like, I'm staying here because of you. I think I had four different people come up during the stay. One girl lived there. She was taking herself on a staycation. We had couples come up. There was like a honeymoon, you know.

So we just kind of wanted to address something that happened with them. Essentially, we parted with them in like a way where it wasn't like free stays all the time. We got some meteorites here and there. They were, we were lined with their brand. they supported us and we supported them. And it was just a really mutually beneficial relationship.

Again, you guys have heard us talk about this on multiple episodes. And they basically, without giving like all of the details have kind of decided not to align with us based on our content, social media and otherwise, that is sex related. So this came from, we have really enjoyed the property staff and the PR company that works with them. But this really came from high up above the top of the company that they don't love the sex content. the comedy type content that we talk about. And they do not want to align themselves with our brand,

which no one's ever said that to us before. You know, Ashley and I, if you've listened to even one episode of this show ever, we're sex positive, we're a female empowerment. We go out of our way to be just open about everything. It's pretty shocking. No one's ever said this to us before. Yeah.

And if you remember, the Pendry has romance kits, pleasure kits in the rooms. Couldn't be more like, have sex, do your thing. Here's lube. Here's condoms. sex positivity, all the things. So this was just like really discouraging. I mean, we were super loyal to this brand and we have sent so many of you guys there. Like we've been like marketing

the shit out of them for for eight months. Like you know what I mean? Like without really having to because we kind of perceive this as a long term relationship. So Rain and I have negative experiences from time to time with people, with companies. We don't get on here on our microphone and drag them. But we do feel a responsibility when we have pushed something so hard to you guys. when we literally see the fruits of our labor, people coming up and telling us they're staying at a place because we recommend it. So we just want to tell you we don't recommend it anymore.

And we are offended, quite honestly, and a little hurt. I mean, it's something like we're so proud of what we put out there and that a brand that we loved would be like, we don't like this, we don't welcome this. And we've just wanted to let you guys know because we know you're still going there because of us. And we're not going there anymore. and you can stay at different places with better places with your money and that aren't going to sex, shame to podcasters that you listen to.

Yeah, who have only done a nice job for them, by the way. I mean, tons of content, Instagram stories, feed posts, talked about the podcast. You know, we've done right by them. We've never had somebody have an experience with us and then misaligned, like unaligned themselves with us because of our content. So we're not saying like, drag them and bring the blow torches. No, no, no, no. Like don't go to their Instagram and be like, we fucking hate you guys. We're just saying we don't stay there anymore.

They're never going to get a dime of our money again. They don't like our content. We don't like them. Yeah. If you were staying there because of us, we don't recommend it. Yeah. So that's just, you know, all you need to know. Yeah, that's it.

My mom just asked me, she was like, where's that thing from the patio furniture? Like, my mom doesn't talk like that. I don't know why she said that. But I had given them this like thing that doesn't have cushions on it, but it's so comfortable randomly, that little couch thing. From outside your apartment? From article.

Like, remember they sent it? They were like, and I guess since my parents, my parents are obsessed with it. It's so crazy. It's like, you'd look at it and you'd be like, that's not going to be comfortable. It's cute. It's not comfortable. And somehow it randomly is. No cushions on it.

I don't think they sell that thing anymore. But even I have the chairs that aren't cushioned either on my patio when they're comfortable. So they just do it right. It's crafted so well. That was my first thought when I looked at your furniture was that it's not going to be comfortable. And you sit on it. It's really nice. People ask us all the time.

Like, what's that thing you guys have? What's the code? GirlsGuddypockets.com. Everything's there, guys. All the partnerships. All the, great merch. We can talk about it a lot of time. Get yourself a sweatshirt or a mug.

And all the episodes are there too, so you guys can check it out. And then, of course, Vibes Only. If you're new here, that is our sex toy company and paired app. So just a couple updates. I mean, the Raina is probably sold out again at this point. That is one of our toys, our most popular toy. Double-sided, has a clitsucker on it, vibrate on the other hand. And probably sold out again.

So hit the wait list again if you're wanting it. We'll get more of those. and we have some new products that we are testing and going to have in time for the holidays. So we are so excited, something that's a little bit cheaper price point and maybe something to put in your butt. And then we have the vanilla frosting blow gel coming soon. So all of this, you can find this at vibes only.com. And then the app this week, we have another of the BDSM stories.

Hottest story that we do. And it's going to be multiple episodes. We have two in there now. This guy's voice is so sexy. it's just so hot. It's very, very sexy. Yeah, you guys. So we're getting there.

And then the video in the app this week is me. It's intro to dirty talks. The videos are just like a fun thing. You guys can swipe through lots of comedians and experts. My video is in there this week about how to talk dirty better. So check that out. Ashley and I have a great episode about that. We have lots of episodes about talking dirty.

So you can also go back and listen to that. And that's it. Vibesonly.com for everything, Instagram. And you can find it on Apple as well in the store. In the app store, that Android, we're working on it. Literally, I mean, it's not us. It's not us. Yeah, they don't.

I mean, it's just like, what is going on? It's the same company own the Pendry and Android. They're just like, it's too dirty. That's the price. Things kept getting kicked back. That's why. Yeah, if you want to know, like, we keep having to revamp and we don't want to water this down, you know, for you Android users, but we're doing our best.

Like the vibe that the app right now that's in the app store, we have, try to get that approved through Android before launched. Oh, yeah. We were working on this. Yeah. I mean, it's just, I'm learning so much about the industry in general. Like, so when you look at the app, it goes to the website and there's a picture of you and I holding a vibrator on the website and, you know, they just have different standards for it.

So we're working on it, you guys, we promise. But, you know, I said this before. I said this in January. I said this is my last week with huge boobs. And that didn't really come to fruition. I've had huge boobs since then. So this is actually my last few couple days with huge boobs. hopefully.

Oh my God. It better be. Or we are going to mobilize you guys to take someone down. I know. People can be like, what's his name? I'm like, I will never say his name. Unless he does this again. If he does this, if he ruins my boobs, I'll kill him.

Yeah. Leave it to the snack heads. But, yeah, Wednesday is the surgery. I'm amped. Oh, my God. It's our tradition that she's not in town for my surgery. She brought it up and she was like, I feel really bad. Well, last time I flew back the day you got the surgery.

So I came over the next day. This time I won't be. But this, I will say, in Ashley's defense, she should have canceled her trip. But no, this had been planned for months. Yeah, this is a plan. I scheduled this a week ago. Yeah, I've had this,

this is a family thing that I'll be in Delaware. And this is the second time you've done this. You're an old pro. You got this. It's like when you have like a baby shower for your second baby, people are like, I'm not buying a gift for her. Then you rebranding you call it a sprinkle.

They're like, I'm still not coming. Do you think I feel like people aren't going to send me as many gifts this time? I wouldn't expect it. I give you a gift. I went to this amazing store in Chicago called Wolf Bate. It's in Logan Square. The shirt right now I'm wearing says abort the court.

It is an aggressive shirt. And that's where I got your little boob candle. Oh, I made a little face for you because I was trying to remember this is this thing that gets served to me all the time. But I think it's called Wolf and Badger. I think that's like jewelry. Oh, you know what I was talking about. I get that ad to. This is called Wolf Bate.

It's like a very edgy liberal. They were just playing Renaissance. like in order and I just I mean this shirt was hanging outside it's like this aggressive writing and it says abort the court and I was like need it and I went in and they just had this candle that looked like our wallpaper it had little boobs all over it so I was like rain an needs that it smelled so good I loved it so much um that was helpful because my room at the pendery smelled like cigarettes so the elevators took 16 hours I mean if you ever want to get out of a hotel don't stay at the pendery rain you'll never get down to i don't care if you stay on the fifth floor which i was

had to budget an extra 10 minutes just to get downstairs every day stay at a hotel with elevators that work. Oh, my God. Family. You said the funny thing. You were like, I know what I want to complain about today. Oh, I don't want to complain about today.

Yes. I mark this on TikTok. I don't like, listen, I'm not going to shame any women. I'm just going to shame some men. And that's what we're doing for the rest of the episode too. But that are like so gorgeous and are doing this like, pity me, can't get a date.

Yes, you can. Like this guy. Rain, let me show his video. Because it's wedding season. I know people need plus ones and I look good in the tucks and I love going to weddings and I chat with the dads. I have fun with the moms. I play with because I'm a good day.

Like this guy who is flow to hypothesis. If some man is looking like that, that guy is perfect looking. He's one of the most beautiful men. That guy can't get a date. He is the devil. He can get a date. Like I think it's this brand that I see sometimes on TikTok of the most beautiful men you've ever seen in your life that are like, I just want to go like bring me to a wedding.

I'm a great date. I play with the kids. I talk to the parents. It's like, shut up. Like, and so I think then they just get all these comments

of like, oh, I'll bring you to a wedding and all the stuff for like whatever it is. Like I just, this woe is me. I'm the hottest man on the planet

is, I don't like it. Do you think it's just, I mean, it's obviously just to get attention, right? To get validation, attention. It's just a bunch of women like gas them up.

Listen, don't come for me. I'm just annoyed. It's a thing that denoys me on the internet. I don't, like, come on.

Honestly, I think that this should be a new segment on our show where we just complain about stuff. Yes. I mean, we complain a lot. But I think that like stuff that just niche, let's create some niche drama. Yes, exactly. I mean, that guy, his vibe feels very just like, you know, poor me, just a cool guy that can't get a date.

It's like, you could walk in anywhere and the panties would just throw themselves at you. I would suck that guy's dick in front of my dad. I know. He's so hot. I would pick my face up off that guy's dick and be like, Dad, I'm trying to do something here. Yeah, and his whole energy, like, it's just like, oh, I don't like it. I don't like it.

It's like, you know what you look like. I don't spend as much time on TikTok as you do. You just, like, you get served this more. If I was served that more than once, it would make me feel crazy. Now it's just, I mean, I'm trying to get back. I mean, now I'm just like, I'm just over Bamarush. Like, I think I liked the dances and everything more than I cared about.

And now I don't care. and now I'm still getting like all their. I'm like, you got, it's over, it's over for me. I'm out. I'm ready for the documentary now. Like, I'm out on my, on my TikTok feed. Like, I don't need any more rush. I'm done rushing.

So anyway, that's my complaint for the week. That's really funny. Hot guys that are trying to, I want that guy's information. Like what, okay, what's worse? A 10. He's a 10, but he acts like a 5. Wait, what's worse? He's a 5 and acts like a 10?

Yes, what is worse? A 10 that's like fake humility acting like a 5 or a 5 that thinks is a 10. I mean, I actually don't know which to pick. At least at the 10, I'm looking at something I enjoy. And then the 5 that's acting like a 10 is just funny. It's delusional. People are listening like, you're a 5. People are listening like, Ashley, that's you.

I would never claim to be a 10. No. You know what else we were talking about that I thought was so funny? We had such a funny conversation about names at dinner. And like I could talk about names. I like boys and girls' names forever. Like I just am passionate. And we were talking about what your parents almost named you.

And I love this conversation because mine is so wild. It is so interesting to think how much your life is affected by just your name and like what you would be. Like my name was supposed to be Emma. And I really like that name. It's just not giving Raina. It's not you. It's like Raina is so different. Like it's so unique.

I love when people say I love your name and I say it means queen. Like it's always so fun for. me to say that back to somebody. I feel like I have this crown on my arm. Like it's a vibe. Yeah, like I just, I just feel like Emma's not sucking dick and talking about it to millions of people. If your name is Emma, listen, you can DM me if your name is Emma and tell me you suck dick. I'm sure you do. I'm sure. It's just like it doesn't give. It's not giving Raina. It's not like wild. Like I also love the name Emma. I love it. But we were joking because my, my mom wanted to name me Chelsea, which I like, I'm a fan of the name. Yeah. My dad.

Karen or Carrie Ann. Karen or the longer Karen. Karen or turn it into two names. You're like, no matter what, they're calling her Karen. Girls got to eat with Emma and Karen. When you said that, Kennedy was dying.

She was like, Carrie Ann. Girls got to eat with Emma Greenberg and Carrie Ann Hustleton. Carrie and Hustleton. I mean, that would have been cute because you want to school in the South. No. But you're not giving Carrie Ann.

I don't like double name. But like, it's not me. I mean, Carrie, I could be a carry. If your name was Karen, do you think you would have changed it to Carrie? I don't know if that's a thing. I mean, I would have seen, like, also I think my mom wanted my middle name to be Joy. That's her middle name. So Karen, Joy, like Ashley Joy just sounds, it flows.

And then we were saying another name you would want. And I love my name so much, even though it's basic. I fucking love it. I think Ashley's the best name in the world. But the only other name I would, I like, I like Aubrey. I could see you as an Aubrey. Yeah, that's the only thing. I think I can see myself.

I'm big on A names. Azul. My name's Azul. I'm just kidding. Aubrey and I like Audrey. Audrey just gives a little like class here, but I like Aubrey. I just love it. I've always loved it.

I don't think you see a lot of Aubrey's, which I like. Yeah, it's a little. It's not a different. Nobody goes like, how do you, how can you pronounce that? It's a normal name, but I like it. My name would have been Casey. So we're all to be with Aubrey and Casey. Yes, that fits.

It fits. I do. I feel like I can. feel it. Yes. It's cute. It's cute. Maybe we'll change our names someday. Offrey and Casey. They're so cute. Hear me out. Ladies got to eat. Offrey and Casey. Ladies got to eat a little less. Says the age of their metabolism slows. Ladies got to moderate. I want her two entrees to this house pretty much every day for lunch. So yeah, you go hard.

Yeah. But I work out every morning now. You know, you're doing good. Everything in balance. I just, I love that name. It's one of my favorite things. And I told you guys a story that I'm not going to tell right now. It's long and it's drawn out. But maybe one day I'll tell it about this high school thing that you hadn't heard. And everyone was like on the edge of their seat. My prom dress.

We'll get, no, no, I'm not just, I was so shocked by this story. I may able tell next week because we got to get into the topic eventually. But it's really funny to me to hear these like very sort of like long, meaningful stories that Ashley tells that I haven't heard. Because I'm like, I thought I knew. every single story forever. But there's so many. This is like what I didn't want to write a book someday.

Like there's just so many insane stories. Like I was an insane kid. I was like a wild teen. Like in terms of like, I mean, this is a whole thing about like I was, whatever. We'll tell it one day. But everyone was like, what? What do you mean? You did that.

It was so shocked. So I'll tell it one day. I kind of like, you know, sometimes also you forget and then your memory's unlocked. And you're like, wait a minute. I was a psycho. I wasn't, so I appreciated it. You did bad stuff. Oh, yeah, I did bad stuff.

Yeah. Psycho. I don't think you. I was like very run of the mill. Just like basic bad bitch. But you, I also said you don't remember details as much as I do. Like I have this like ridiculous memory.

Like you and Kate, Kate, we're saying like, Kate was like, I don't remember stuff in this way. Like to the detail. Yes. Even if somebody,

you know, this moment you would like unlock a memory. I don't really remember. her stuff as well. Or like things seem like a really big deal. And I could have told you at the time of three-hour story about it. But now I'm like, I don't know. This is this thing and happening whatever.

But there are probably crazy details that you're just like, yeah, I don't remember. I have a terrible memory. Your mom could probably tell you. It's her worst quality. She remembers everything. She loves to bring up stuff that happened. She's like, oh yeah, but when you were eight,

I'm like, haven't we evolved past this? It's been almost 30 years, mom. Aren't we done with this? When I was like a kid growing up, into my preteen, teen years, like the way that I would recall stuff, people, like, would feel uncomfortable. Like, my family was like,

she remembers everything. Like, it's just, they were like, she's like a vault. It's crazy. You do. She remembers what she wore when she was, like, six to this thing.

Like, they were, everybody was like on edge to do anything because they're like, actually won't forget. That's why you're also, I mean, I always, like, joke that you're, like, good at catching liars.

But, like, that's another reason why, like, I am bad at catching liars is somebody could just be like, that didn't happen like that. And I'd be like, yeah, probably. you're probably right. Like you remember everything and I don't.

So I, somebody could just be like, that didn't happen like that. And I'd be like, I feel like you shouldn't be sharing this. Like your future man is listening right now. He's like noted. Can't wait the line or about to drop.

That is a perfect segue into the topic today. Yes, the topic today, we hope it's really empowering for you guys and we'll just sort of make you evaluate who you're dating and how people treat you. And this sort of came up for me,

at least personally, we had this really special milestone of vibes, and I was so proud of it. The companies do really well. I'm just really proud of it. So I started to think back to like two people in particular that treated me like kind of shitty this year and like who really just like romantically kind of hurt me

and like made me feel really bad. And I'm like, I had this moment where I was like, oh my God, I'm like such a bad bitch. I really am and I work so hard. And I have so many friends and such a cool life and I'm so successful professionally. And like, who the fuck? these people to make me feel so bad. And that's sort of what would make me think about these things was

like, I bring a lot to the table and I'm really proud of who I am and I'm somebody worth being proud of. And if somebody isn't going to be nice to me and kind and honest and those things, then like, who are you to do that to me? That's crazy to me. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I guess in my more adult life, like, I think I was probably still pursuing or catching feelings or liking guys that weren't necessarily into me in my earlier 20s. And then, you know, I started to evolve into this finding yourself, knowing your worth and just this whole, like, if he doesn't like me, I don't like him. You know, so as long as you guys have known me, that has been who I have been. And I did this whole thing, kind of what you're saying at the end of 2018. So going into 2019 with this, like,

we've achieved so much. I felt this way after the Gramercy Theater shows and like, you don't get to come in here and fuck with me. And I just really look back as like, I really, did that and it is held up. Like 2019, I was the most unbothered. I didn't cry once, you know, over any, nothing bothered me. I was just like, if you're not a good person and worthy of my time and I don't look up to you, respect you, and you're not going to treat me well, I don't want it at all. I'm happy to have dodged a bullet. I mean, we did a whole episode called Dodge That Bullet and I talked about some of these people and so did you. And so that has been how I live my life and I want to pass it on to anyone else because it is like my truth. And we all get tripped up here and

there. You know, we catch feelings for somebody that maybe isn't the best for us. We're human. But for the most part, I mean, I feel like you too are able to be like, that's not a good person for me. And I'm glad I didn't go down this road any further. Yeah. And I'm so proud of that. And when people say, what's the thing that changed so much about you from the podcast? This one person in particular, like, came into my life years ago, did some stuff that really hurt me. I cried endlessly about him and then he came back around this winter and did one thing I didn't like. And that was it. I didn't cry about it. Think about a long term. I didn't try to like bargain with him or myself to like be nicer to me. That was just that's, you don't want to behave. Then bye. Yeah. I wanted to talk about

this thing. You guys may have seen it on the internet. It's just kind of making the rounds. It's trending. But this study came out. I mean, some of the, some of the headlines are like men are lonelier than ever or something like that. But basically it's according to a study by psychology today. It says younger and middle aged men are the loneliest they've ever been in generations and it's probably going to get worse. So a variety of reasons, essentially that women are are having higher standards, healthy relationship standards have changed. The study says women are looking for someone who is emotionally available, a good communicator, and shares similar values. And another reason, the third reason that they cited is that men need to address a skills

deficit. The study claims many young men are not being taught early on how to treat women correctly. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy long-term love. The study says. So I think lots of guys have come a long way. I think more men are in therapy than ever. We were joking about The Bachelor. It's like every guy is like bragging about going to therapy or Jared's commentary on it said that too, The Bachelor at, sorry. But this is still happening. I mean, it's still, we hear horror stories. Like, we get treated poorly. We hear crazy shit. You know, it's just like, women don't have to be with a man anymore. And that's not, it's been like that for a long time. Like, women have been independent of men for quite some time.

They don't need to rely on them for shelter and food and money. But it still takes a long time to evolve. And I just think we're constantly evolving. And we're women or like, I don't, if you're not up to my standards, like, I don't want it. It's just thinking about, like, people that don't deserve to be with you and that's somebody who maybe is below the standards that you set for your own life or somebody who truly doesn't treat you well. So we'll talk about that and we asked you guys, you know, what do you, how did you know that you would sort of like evolved past a person or that they weren't, you know, good enough

for you in a certain way for some reasons? We got a lot of ideas via that. And I think there's a million reasons, of course, why we stay with somebody that we know isn't necessarily great for us. I mean, of course, if you're married to them, you've children, that's a completely different situation. But I'm just talking about baseline. You're just dating somebody,

and they're not serving your needs anymore, especially emotionally, and they're not kind to you. Yeah, and I think that there is this, you know, we'll talk about some of these reasons. And what we don't want to do is like bash men and stuff like that. But like the original episode title that came into my head when I thought of doing this topic was after we had a discussion about a friend of ours.

But it was, don't let this loser make you feel bad about yourself. You know, I just want to disclaimer. it's not about like money or job or whatever also you can definitely have standards of like I want someone that is successful and makes money and that's a hundred percent fine but it's not about that it's about like why do you want someone that's 30 plus they live with a bunch of roommates they're not successful or ambitious they're not on the road to success they can't treat you to a nice dinner and they make you feel bad about yourself oh those things are fine if they're a good partner they're consistent they are loving they dick you down like who cares if you don't care

but it's like the fact that it's this fucking quote unquote loser who all also makes you feel bad about yourself. Like, that's where I can't handle it. Like, we can't let these guys make us feel bad. They're fucking losers. I know. They're losers. Like, I get it if it's one thing where you're like, all right, well, he's just fucking

perfect on paper. So maybe I'll just, maybe he could change. We've all been there. We've all done that. But then we'll get into that too. Like, this boils down to someone really being a piece of shit in more ways than one. Like, making you feel bad about yourself, making you doubt yourself, making you a worse version of yourself.

Like at a baseline, anyone you're going to be with should bring out the best in you. I love your ranch. I, you know me. I tend to gravitate towards the emotional first. Like somebody who makes me feel really good. It makes me laugh really hard and is a good friend to me. Way before I evaluate, do they have money?

Can they be a good provider? That is what I gravitate towards. And that's what I would say. My last serious relationship, I thought that he was an incredible emotional support. He dicked me down well. Yeah. If somebody is not providing, yes, financial support and doing all these exciting things for you and they're not nice to you, you can't be here anymore. Yeah.

That's just, I'm sorry, you can't. If you're not hitting the check for it, listen, go ahead, girl. If you have no money and somebody's paying your rent, you know. I'm just kidding. I mean, no. I'm just, I want whatever people want to do that they're comfortable with. But yeah, good, go ahead. That was it.

I just come from a place of like, I always, when I say the trouble, you treat me badly. Like you, we really mean like anxiety, you can't focus, you can't be present, your work is slipping, you're constantly in a state of anxiety. What are they going to call? What are they going to show up? The highs feel so high, even though they're normal because the lows just feel so low. I come from a place, like, when I was growing up that like everything I ever thought and felt was invalidated. And everything was, everything I felt was bullshit and stupid. I'm not going to name one of my parents, but you get it.

I was always invalidated for how I felt. So as a result of that, I think I've become the person that's always wanting to know why is somebody acting like this and where are they coming from? What's my role in this? And those things are good, but you can't take that too far. If somebody's just treating you shitty, they're just treating you shitty. And unfortunately, if they come from trauma, they need to work on those things. They need to go to therapy and they need to work on themselves and then maybe come back

to you. But just because you want to maybe veer more towards the way that I am, which is to all always understand why somebody's like how they are and why are they acting like this. Why are they reacting to me like this? You can't just stick around forever. At some point, you have to choose you for sure. And I love that you even just brought up in general someone's trauma, upbringing, who they are because there's a multitude of reasons even why if we are speaking to the listeners or even like the women here of why you might pick these type of people that you need to reflect on too. We've done episodes in this before. Like why you might want somebody who's emotionally

unavailable. Why you might want someone who's avoiding it. You know, you might want someone who whatever, whatever has this correlation with one of your parents. So that's important too. You know, I do have a luxury of coming from a place of like a loving family and upbringing and pretty stable. You know, I don't have a really deep trauma. Not everybody can come from that place. And I feel for anybody who's like working on that. But if you realize that about yourself and you're working on it, you sure is shit needs somebody who's working on themselves as well. You know, I think self-reflection is super important here. Also, what do you put it down to the world?

Like, we're not all perfect people. Someone might be treating you like shit. You might be treating like that shit too. So this isn't like, we're all perfect. And all women are perfect and all men are terrible. It's not like that at all. I mean, self-reflection is important. And what are you seeking out as well?

But we see a lot of like, if you were to step back and reflect, this person is not a good person and they're not a good match for you. I mean, I think just a baseline requirement is someone that makes you feel secure. And if we're talking about someone that is a little more avoidant, I think back to like Andrew Huberman, you know, can avoid and people change, then someone that's consistent, you know, at the very least, what consistent. So if you're feeling a little bit insecurity because maybe that's your attachment style, are they consistent. Can you count on them? Like these are just baseline things. If you don't have them, then what's a life look like with that person? They're not your person. They're not your, they're not a long term match, at least not now. And I understand. And I understand. that so much of staying with somebody who like doesn't show up for you and doesn't satisfy you emotionally comes from like deep-seated self-esteem issues and not feeling like maybe you deserve somebody or looking around yourself and feeling like there's just low-quality alternatives. Like maybe you live in a small town, there just aren't that many people. Maybe you don't have

the many options. Maybe the thought of being single is like a fate worse than death to you. But I'm just here to say like somebody who treats you bad is a fate worse than death. You know, being alone isn't so terrible. You know, it's... It's not terrible. I love being alone. I really enjoy it. I like my own thoughts.

I like spending time alone. Once in a blue moon, there'll be something that I don't love doing by myself, like going to a wedding alone. But it is tenfold better than being with somebody who invalidates me or makes me feel like they're never going to show up for me or just ghosts out of situations.

All of that just feels so bad. So, I mean, Ashley and I really feel for people that feel like they don't deserve better or maybe there's nothing better around you, you feel. but like to sit and be treated poorly is really a bad fate. Then you deserve better. Everybody. It doesn't matter how you look at yourself.

I don't even know everybody listens to this podcast. I don't know most of you, but I can tell you that you're better than that. Yeah. Yes. And they're just ultimately like wasting your time. Like they're holding the space for someone that could be better for you. So when these people exit your life,

it's a blessing because they're making space for someone who is right for you. And that's positive. Like the longer you spend, with people who are bad for you or bad people in general, that's another day, another hour that you could have spent, A, being happier, but B, finding someone else who is better for you. C, working on yourself, like whatever it is. They're just wasting your time.

Yeah. And when we let people waste our time over and over again, then we don't even have examples of really good relationships to look at. You know, if you've never been treated really well, it's hard to say, like, here's the line, here's my boundary, because you don't even know where the line is. And you can look outside of yourself. If you say to yourself, like, I've never had like a really healthy, amazing relationship,

then look around you and say to yourself, which relationships do I emulate? I think you and I've talked about that a lot in the podcast to just look at the marriages around you, whether it's your parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, your friends. Like, whose relationships do you emulate? Go find those things. I think of, and we'll get to this list. Well, maybe we'll end with that of the things people said. I mean, the list of things that why you realized you were too good for someone, like, runs

the gamut of like they slept with your best friend to, like, they have a mattress on the floor, you know. But when people do bad things to someone. they're supposed to care about. Like, that's who they are. That's a personality trait. And we all do and say things in the heat of the moment. That feels a little different. But just outside of those, like someone that is dating you and disappears, we'll talk about this ghosting thing. And I want to, Rina's going to read this excerpt from this article that we loved that also helped inspire this topic. But you're supposed to care about each other. You've been intimate and they just

disappear with no explanation. What kind of person are you? Like, you don't want that person. You know, someone that's like inconsiderate, selfish, or just cowardly. You don't want it. Remember that episode we did like way in the beginning of it's on an article about should love be conditional? Yeah. Love is conditional. All of my love is conditional.

My business relationship with you is conditional, you know? Yeah. My love for everybody is conditional. And like I understand love is conditional. You should love me for me. Yeah, but I don't love you if you treat me like shit. And me loving you is not a past to go do whatever you want to make. And it's not fair.

Like you know I'm not going to walk away. because we built this, we build integrity into this base. And it's like then you start treating somebody poorly and think that they just have to stick around because they love you. Because most people don't start off treat you like shit, day one. You know, they build towards treating you shit like shit in the beginning. They'll love bomb you. They'll treat you out.

They'll, you know, take you out, pay for things. Those things in the beginning aren't like an excuse to get shittier throughout time. Yeah. And I mean, when I think about this topic, it feels less of like long-term relationships. You're deep in the trenches. You both fucked each other up. You know, that's something that maybe it's like, especially if there's a marriage or kids involved and you want to, you know, seek therapy. I'm thinking more of like the ghosting and like the pining for someone like a man that's not your man.

It's more of that. Or just someone that you, you know, dated for a couple months or had a short lived relationship with that disappeared on you or just blindsided you or cheated or was dishonest and all those things. I mean, they all make you who you are. Like, do you want to read that thing? Yeah. I just love it so much. like really it hits different. So this comes from an article from The Cut.

It was October 8th, 2021. It's called I Got Ghosted Big Time. And J.P. Brammer is the author. So if you want to go look it up on Thecut.com. Yeah, we can post it too. Okay. So basically the premise of this article, why is this girl had dated this guy for maybe like a couple months?

Significant. Yeah. Don't let anybody tell you that like two months is not a long time with somebody that you spend every day talking to. You have given your body. to them. Yes. Like, again, one day, do whatever you want.

I think if you sleep with somebody, I think you both kind of owe each other something, you know, like just man up, woman up. Yes. But, yes, weeks, months, intimacy, communication. You've showed them who you are. Like, all right, sorry. Yeah, no, I'm glad you brought that up. I mean, you let somebody in, you let them know you, you let them see the side of you

that nobody else gets to see your face-timing, you're naked with them. Yes. It's really painful. So don't let anybody take that away from you. Anyways, this girl had dated somebody for a while. I think he, the scenarios, and he'd gone out of town and stopped responding to her. And, like, that was it.

Just full-on ghost. And she was like, I don't know what happened here. What's going on? He full-on would not respond to her. And I love the advice that this person is saying, because she basically was saying, like, I want him back. I don't know what to do.

He's saying, you know, it's hard to accept that somebody that we care about could hurt us. But consider this. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who would do something like this to a person they purported to love. So I guess it was a couple months in. Could you do it? Could you watch this person continually reach out and could you respond with silence? Could you sleep at night knowing this person was in pain, that they were confused and scared

and they could easily mitigate the suffering, but they have chosen not to. Even if we no longer wanted to be in a relationship with this person, couldn't he be given you the grace of letting you know? The best case scenario here is that he is merely a coward. So, and it goes on, you guys can read the article. But it really hits home to me, especially with ghosting, or when somebody won't make themselves available to you and you just want to like make a plan, see what they're up to, like just hear from this person.

And they withhold that kindness because of what? Because it's hard to tell a person I'm not into you anymore. You're annoying me. This doesn't work for me anymore. Like, it's disgusting. And somebody that would treat you like that is not your friend. That's not something that cares about you. Yeah, yeah.

You don't want that person. person back because somebody that would do that to you is really not prioritizing you and who you are doesn't think of you as a human being. Yeah. Again, extenuating circumstances, they could have died. Someone could have died. Like, let's just take that out of it. You know, like, yes, let's just spend that. But the thing that got me, and I do think I like tear it up a little bit when I read that because it was so impactful of like, could you do it? Could you see this person who you'd been dating, you'd been intimate with, you had a relationship with? Could you see them texting you, checking in on you, wondering what's going on and just ignore it and sleep at night. It's so mean. It's so mean.

And we were talking about a situation with a friend of ours recently and she's dating this guy and he kind of just did that. He wouldn't answer her. He clearly saw her texting. She thought they were just to get together. And he eventually responded, but he kept her anxious for a day or so. And he just said he had wanted some space. And, you know, I don't know all the ins and outs of every communication that had been sent. But that's also fine. Like, we all need. space sometimes, you know, but you can tell someone that. And if they continue to harass you, then you don't need to respond. But you can tell someone like, hey, I just, I need a little time to kind of think about some things or I need some space. I mean, I know that like if you're in a relationship

with somebody and they hit you with a like, I need to think about this or have some space. That could drive you crazy too because you're like, oh my God, I'm just going to sit around a way to get broken up with or, you know, like I know that sucks. And I don't really know. So my people do need time and space to think, but like just nothing, like just the full on ghost, the disappearing act is so cowardly. It's so inconsiderate. And I couldn't do it. I could never watch somebody beg me for an answer and not give it to them. What is the, what is the point here? I could, I would hate knowing that somebody was out in the world and that I had destroyed them and that like one conversation for 15 minutes could have like completely changed the outlook of their life. Like people are

fucked up about this for years. Like when people get ghosted or like they never get closure, it is a horrible thing. And like I think that people like were so shocked that like my last breakup was so quote unquote easy and I seemed to recover from it. But like we talked about it.

We were honest with each other. We respected each other. We both decided this wasn't going to work out. We both walked away with dignity. And that's why it was easy to sort of move on from it because I didn't feel like somebody had robbed me of my dignity and closure. I know. I mean, I was I was thinking recently

about how I was seeing this guy. I mean, it had been months. And we were, like, he lived in Florida and we were, I'd visit him a couple times. We'd had sex a bunch of times. We'd been intimate. We'd gone on dates. I'd flown down there to see him. And I just decided midway through one of the weekends I didn't like him anymore.

And I felt really uncomfortable and I didn't want to be there. And I bailed. And I mean, I made up a story to get me out of there. I just really didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to spend like another night with him. And that happens. It just does. Sometimes you're like, I don't want this anymore.

And I think he hit me up later that night. And I was like, let me just, I'll talk to you when I get back to New York. And I remember coming back to New York and being like, I felt so bad. Like he didn't really do anything wrong. Oh, he kind of rude to me at dinner. But it wasn't like abusive. Like he was annoyed because he could feel that I was like losing interest, I think. It's fine.

Yes, yes. He didn't. I just was like, I really feel bad about this. Like, and this isn't even a person that I was like in love with or boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend with. And so I didn't really want to reach out. I just did want to forget about it. Like, A, he wasn't bothering me, but I was like, I feel a responsibility to say something, you know, like, that was shitty, blindsiding even, you know.

And I think I sent him a text of like, I'm really sorry. I know the weekend didn't turn out the way you probably ever anticipate it. And I'm happy to talk more if you want, which I also was like, didn't really want him to call me. But sometimes life isn't easy. And you have to spare people's feet. feelings. Like people, you know, like, I don't know. I care about people and I care about their feelings. Like I want someone that is like that too. And luckily he just never called. And he let it go. And he can think whatever he thinks. And I think he still follows me on Instagram. There was no hard

feelings. I mean, I'm sure there's some hard feelings. But he, it's fine. It worked out. Like I just was like, I mean, I think I was kind of like even hands shaking sending that text. It's not easy. It's not easy thinking that they could call you right then. You have to answer and explain this. And I don't really know what I was going to say. But I still felt like I owed them something. Yeah, we owe people something for their time and it feels really shitty long term to like just know there's somebody out there in the world that like I robbed them of that thing. You know, I rob them just like a closure conversation. Those conversations fucking suck. I hate them. I would rather send a text message or an email and just do that. That's fine too.

I'll accept most things except for silence. And I think people have had bad situations that they tried that and it backfired. And I think that we've heard this from everyone, you know, man, woman, whoever of like, well, I try that and she just wouldn't let up. And it's like, well, at least try. And then if she won't let up, if he won't let up, then block them if they're harassing you. Like, you know what I mean? Like you can draw a boundary too. This isn't, you don't have to entertain it forever. You know, we all are able to break up with somebody and have them leave us alone. So there's that to be said too. But it's just people that do mean terrible things. It's like part of who they are. Yeah. And your name.

not going to fix them. It's not your responsibility to save them from themselves. And people that goes to you, are they blowing out of your live? And you're like, you just, we all have those people that we've let, like, come back and come back. And you're like, why am I even fucking doing this? This happens when you're a lot younger. Sometimes you just grow up and it gets easier. But, you know, there's like the age old question of, will I find anything better? We make each other laugh. It's so fun. They're so smart. They really get me. Yes, you will find something better. You'll find something and someone better than a person that just knocks you off of your stability. We will always find something better.

Or just be alone. Be alone is better too. Like I think we're all just out here being like, is something out there better? Yes. I mean, better than, yes, someone who makes you feel anxious. And the whole thing is there someone better than this like really nice guy who treats you well? I don't know. That's not our call to make, you know?

Like, but the guy that makes you feel like shit, yeah? For sure. There is the nice, boring guy. At least you feel. feel stable in your body. But I mean, you said something too. We were talking about this friend and you were like, it's hard in general, not just her situation. You made a good point of like, it's hard when you've chosen them though. Like it's hard because then you're like, how did I let this happen? Like if you're, and especially if you're a person that beats yourself up more, you're like, wait a minute.

Like, why is my picker so off? Like, why did I choose this person? How could I let this happen to me? And again, you can't beat yourself up like that. And this whole thing is not to discount your feelings for someone or especially like a physical connection. Like I get it. I mean, physical connection is huge. This is easier said than done. Oh, all of it. I think that if you really take a step back and assess that person and think of the things they did or the way they made you feel or the type of person they are and you know that's not what you want long term, then them ghosting you or breaking up with you or blindsiding you should be easier to digest at least. Like it's at least a starting point, this type of self-talk.

And that's kind of why we wanted to do this episode. I think when these people blow in and out of your life, this is like more of a ghost thing. You have to ask yourself, is the short-term joy I'm going to feel from this worth the long-term anxiety I'm going to feel from this? And sometimes the answer, Jess, I don't know. I don't know what your relationship's like. But yeah, of course, you look at yourself and all of the rationalizing in the world of like, this is a loser, this guy sucks. At the end of the day, you still did pick that person. And so there is a lot of like ego that goes into this. And you do remember the good things about people and that's important. And those things are what I

remember, but you also in that conversation brought up, like, making a list. And I think that that's really important. We've said that since day one of the podcast, you know, make a list of all the good and bad things about this person. Make a list of all the good things about you. Yep. Yeah. I remember, like, I dated this person on and off for years and he came to stay with me for like maybe five days. And like, I don't know, maybe this sounds petty and unfair, but whatever. It wasn't that fun. And I, in my mind, I was just like, I want to remember this. And I was like taking notes. in my phone, like, while he was here. And I just even remember, like, we're at this baseball game.

And he, like, kind of ignored me, like, walked a few steps ahead of me. I was just like, this is not, like, an interaction I'm enjoying. And I made notes of it. And I read the notes at the end of the weekend. And I was like, I don't like this. It's not I want to be treated. And I want to remember these things because in the moment I hate them, but five days later, because I have bad memory, I won't remember it and I'll rationalize it.

And I'll be like, well, maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe it wasn't so terrible. But, like, I want to take myself back to that moment and be like, in that moment you hated that. I know. And that's such a good call too of like you always know, like we always know. And these things can happen so early on these red flags and we can blow past them because we want to be in a relationship or the sex is good or we need a date to a wedding or they're convenient. They're your neighbor. Like whatever it is. And then you go down the road even further and then you reflect and you're like, damn, I did know.

You know, like you're like, I should have made a list. I should have wrote it down. Listen, also you brought a date to a wedding. Wedding season is almost over. This is the perfect time to upload. Oh, you have a winner wedding. No, you'll be fine. But, you know, I was thinking why do we stay with people that don't treat us great

that we know that we're better than being with? And like, what you're saying is like we just keep staying and saying like the sunk cost fallacy is real. You're like, I've put in so much work. I've been here for so long. I've built all these memories. I've met their friends. Their family knows about me.

Like, I've been around for so long. Like, I'm just going to give up on this. Like, that sucks. I get it. Yeah. And when these things that someone disrespects you or is inconsiderate so early on, oh my God, that's when they're supposed to be the nicest to you. So just get out of it.

Like, what I don't want is the takeaway to be write people off so quickly. Right. Not writing people off because you might not have felt a spark or like something trivial. Listen back to Logan Yuri's episode, you know, for advice on that. I just saw her speaking on what the today show about the spark and give people a second chance. You also don't have to. I mean, we've covered this on multiple episodes. But when someone does something like glaring or rude, and I'm not talking about like a human error,

they forgot a date or, you know, something like that, but I've been there. But this is when they're supposed to be trying to put their best foot forward. So it's almost more egregious and representative of who they are as a person. because it is so early on. Like I was thinking about this guy that I did really like a lot, very sexually attracted to. We were long distance, like casual talking,

planning to see each other. And I just started to get little hints of being inconsistent, bailing out of a conversation. Just, it was off-putting. And I was just notating all of those things, you know? And then he really just disappeared for a week talking to me.

He was on Instagram. He wasn't like on hiatus. He wasn't like, I had a meltdown. and I'm an outpatient therapy. Like it wasn't. He was just doing his thing, just not talking to me. And then I don't know, I probably posted some sort of thirst trap and he came back around.

And I remember I was on the way to your house warming and I just called him out on it. And I sent it to you and you were like, see you never. Like I was like, oh, no, I'm going to wrap this up real quick. Like I had to pick up food. And I think you were like, are you going to bring the food? Like I think I was, I showed it to you and you were like, oh, are you going to bring the food? Like I think you were like, she's never going to show up.

She's going to be DMing with this guy all night. And I was like, no. Like he came back around and I was like, I made some, I kept it light, but like you haven't talked to me in a week. And he rattled off a bunch of dumb excuses. And I was just uninterested. And that was literally it with that guy. And I was excited about him for weeks. Like we'd been planning to see each other. We've been talking. We've been FaceTiming. I was like, no. I gave you a little bit of chance, chance after chance. And then this is just, this is the final straw for me. It's too early for this. Like I understand that people are like dating multiple people and you don't want them to be all serious. But just the kind of. negligence, like leaving you on red, not responding to you. I don't know. I just don't want it. I don't want it at a point where I just feel like you still should be kind of pursuing me. I don't think it's irrational to want those things. I think it's normal to have when somebody says they're going to call. They should call. I think when you have a conversation, they should wrap it up. I think that like when you think that you're going to see somebody tomorrow, I think they

should text you at an hour that's intentional that you know that you plans with them. Like I don't want to have plans with somebody at 5 p.m. who's new in my life and I don't hear from them until 4. I want to hear from number 10. I just, I think these are like little things and we can rationalize them, but like all of them are important. And I don't write everybody off for every little thing. I think I give a lot of people a lot of chances. Yeah. And I think I'm smart and high functioning and valuable worthwhile. And I think that like other people sometimes just need time. That's fine. I don't write them off for everything. Yeah. And I think early on is a good opportunity to teach people how to treat you because most people will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. That's not fair,

but it just is how the world is. You know, like, some people are like, why is that person never get like shit all over? Because they don't let themselves. It's such a good call. Yeah, and everybody can have a second chance, unless it's like so egregious or something so terrible. But you can always set your boundary and they,

oh, that doesn't fly with me. That's not my vibe. I don't. And they can be like, you know what? Let me have another chance. Let me, you know, like any, that's fine. Like, I'm down with that. I'm down with a little self-reflection.

Let me try harder. Let me try to get up to this. girl standards, you know, and fit within her boundaries. That's fine. I think that you're really particularly good at this. I've seen you do it a lot where somebody isn't communicating the way you like and you just sort of like make a little light jab, just a funny joke. Like we've said this in the pocket.

It's like, not every conversation has to be so heavy and deep. It doesn't have to be like a voice memo or a fill the page up. Especially early. Yeah. I mean, listen, men are going to get scared if you send them full page text messages. So keep it light. No. I just, I don't think that you need to keep having conversations.

about your feelings and what are we and emotions in the very beginning. It's a little light tap for how you want to be treated and just keep bringing somebody back to center a couple times. It's fine. I actually don't come from the school of thought that like, once a fuck boy, always a fuck boy. I don't even believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Once you're an asshole as an asshole. You can teach people how to treat you.

And I think you give people enough rope to hang themselves. And if they do, like that's fine. Like hopefully even gone so far down the road with them that you can't turn back because they've shown you who they are. And that's cool too. No hard feelings. You just can't date me. Yeah.

100%. Should we go through the list? Yes. Okay. So, okay, I want to tell you guys something funny about this list. So when I was telling what I was like, what should we post? It's like an Instagram story slide. And I kind of like had this idea.

I was like, let's just get people crowdsourced. Like basically, you know, when you realized you were too good for somebody, we're going to just get this master list. But I typed it out. I said when you know you're better than somebody. And then we did a lot of stuff yesterday. We had so many texts flying back. And then I re-corrected myself.

I was like, oh, sorry. wrote that on the fly, when you realize you're too good for someone, but Raina just had taken the first thing and just typed it out. We were trying to do a million things at once. So she posed the Instagram story, when did you realize you were better than him or something? And then the comments, I mean, this might be the most we've ever gotten. People understood the assignment. They understood the assignment 100%, but I read it. I was like, damn, it sounds so like elitist. Even as I was, I was like, damn, Ashley, that was mean. And then I was like, that's not the tone. But it's same thing.

I just wanted to say it differently, but you guys went off. Really, though. Do you think this is the most? I couldn't find the bottom. The bottom does not exist. Bella's out of town this week. I had to compile this and I couldn't find the beginning of this. All right. I realized that was better than him when.

So some of these, obviously, US ideas for like more serious topics. A lot of you said like, we'll get into it, but some of them are really funny. So I'll just kick it off. He told me he didn't pay attention to the news, found out about the insurrection days later.

We live in DC. See. Unreal. I just need somebody to be a citizen of the world enough to know that somebody tried to overthrow the capital. I think he was in a coma. You could not ignore the insurrection if you tried. I truly don't. Like, Dewey was dying. I would have loved to not know about the insurrection. You couldn't avoid it. Like, it's, you still can't avoid it. I remember where I was during the insurrection like it was 9-11. We were. We were. recording in your apartment that day. And we stopped recording and we had dozens of messages from people. And then they live in D.C. It's outside your door. Like this guy was on drugs or something. Like that's so crazy. I just need somebody to be an citizen of the world. Okay. There was two responses that came up the most. This one was the second most response. This is the number two response. We got. I brushed my teeth twice. So many girls said that guys only brushed their teeth once and made fun of them for brushing their teeth twice. It was the number two response.

No. I dated someone. Seriously. We lived together for a minute. He brushed his teeth so long. He was walking around the house brushing. He was an overbrusher? And he was like, and then I was like, you got to cut, cut back.

Like, you can get in there. Your thumbs are going to recede. Like, you're doing too much. But better that than this is crazy. I mean, you can brush your teeth once today, I guess. But like, you can't make fun of me for doing it twice. Oh my God. So this happened a lot.

A lot of like apartment bedroom stuff. So he had no bed sheets at all. No, not at all. Not a top sheet. A girl, oh, you weren't at, this was, um, first show. My first show in Chicago, a girl went home with this guy that just had a sleeping bag on top of the bed. Listen, I will say, like, this is very age dependent to me. Because a lot of apartment stuff came up about like the quality and the internal workings of the apartment.

Fine. If somebody's 22 and they've never like curated an apartment before, and they're like, I guess I just put a sleeping bag here. Fine. But, like, I need somebody that, like, is, that cares about their space. Yeah. Clean it. Yeah.

Get some sheets. Um, okay. He had no hobbies, just copied mine. All him and his friends talk about are their high school glory days. Listen, same. That's true. That's always one high school story. Manopulated.

Like, you can't make fun of somebody. Oh, my God. It monopolized all day. Yeah. It was a long, I mean, you, listen, I think it was worth it. Yeah. Uh, we graduated business school together in 2020. I'm not, I am now rich and he is not.

I love it. You got rich in two years. Good for you, girl. I busted my ass to get a degree while he slept until 2 p.m. So I'll let you pick up from here, but so much of this, like, episode is inspired by, like, women who are killing it and doing great at life. And, like, somebody who isn't is treating you poorly. Yes. I actually, I feel like one of my friends actually wrote this.

She didn't. But I have a girlfriend who, like, I watched get treated so shitty by a guy who did wake up at like 1 o'clock in the afternoon. And I was like, you have worked out, gone to therapy, run your business, run 10 errands, answered 100 emails while he slept all day. And this guy is going to treat you like shit. Exactly. I mean, that is so much part of it. And listen, also just to, you know, be empathetic to everyone has different shit going on their lives. Everybody also had a different upbringing, opportunities presented to them.

We're not all created equal. But let's say you're kind of on equal footing here. you were just like motivated, killing it, and they're just mooching off of you? No. And making you feel about it. And of course. And making you feel bad. Yeah.

And not being a good partner on top of it. Like you got your fucking stay-at-home boyfriend, running the household, cooking meals. Dicking you down. Dicking you down. Eating your pussy. Making your hello fresh. Walking the dog. Yes, Queen.

Also, none of this is about money at all. Actually, we talked about money at all. And it's so true. Like, I'm glad you said that because I meant to say it 45 minutes ago. everybody's life is different and everybody comes from a different type of background and I money is something to do with this. Okay. Anyways, just exactly said what you said. And you said it better. Okay. I just grabbed some who were like a little more serious than we can go back to some of the funny ones. But she said when he had a pattern of not being able to hold down a job, I had to pay his way on any

trips we took. I found myself intentionally dumbing down conversations and not talking about what I love. What? Is this my ex-biante? Like if you have to dumb yourself down. He didn't have the decency to text back after hooking up with my best friend behind my back. I bought my own house and he doubted me financially. He's 32 and lives with his parents. He made me feel bad about my professional success. He told me he thought he could do better than me, run. And then I learned my worth. I love that. I had to pay for the vacation. He asked to join. And then my final one that I just loved, I bolded at this. I woke up one day and saw my worth and what he lost, not what I lost.

I know. That's the little. That's the little. that's the reframing we're talking about. Read me the first one again that you read. He had a pattern of not being able to hold down a job. I think that that's really tough to watch somebody go through that. And we can only help people as much as they're willing to help themselves. And if that person's also not treating you well on top of that, that's hard to watch.

But again, like, we can't just sit around and babysit another human being for our entire lives. And you shouldn't. And I mean, you're not helping them either by enabling them. You can feel that when a guy is just looking for another mom. Yeah, I don't want it. And you know, that old saying, like, you can lead a horse to water. I don't want to lead you to water, okay? I just want to remind you that you're a horse and then you figure it out.

Remind you that you're a horse. You're a horse. And you got this. Raina. I forget, like, what? And I'm going to jump on the back. Let's go get some water. I'm going to ride you.

I will suggest that there is water somewhere. You figure it out, okay? I just, I'm not here to, like, baby people and I've tried and I I of course you like care about somebody you want to like give them little tidbits and encourage tibats I can talk to them um and encourage them but I'm just I'm not interested in running your life for you yeah um you know tell me you think about this he forgot to get me birthday presents and Christmas presents I just if that's important to you and like you're really thoughtful and you're always thinking of ways like better somebody's life like

Ashley bought me that booby candle like I feel like it's really shitty and we can only ask people to change so many times. And it's not about like gifts. It's about like, I've done something thoughtful for you because it's important to me. And I would like to see that behavior reciprocated. Yeah. What do you mean? For God. It's Christmas. Same day every year. You know? Like,

that's so crazy. This one, he didn't wash his legs or dick in the shower. A lot of people don't wash their legs. I don't wash my legs, but I shave my legs. You just like the soap drip down. I'll debate this all day. Do you wash your legs in the shower? Do you have to? I shave So I don't, I shave almost every shower.

Oh, you do. Okay. Oh, yeah. I mean, I just, like, do a quick, like, swipe. Yeah, me too. I'm not, like, scrubbing them down. Um, wash your dick. Like, how do guys wash their dick?

They just, like, glue it up with soap. Have I ever watched? I mean, I've been, have so many showers with dudes. I'm trying to think. I'm, I'm, I think just, like, they're getting up under it. Like, the undercarriage. Like, are they doing their grundle? Like, the grundle is the first thing I go for.

I think you got to get in there. I mean, I'm like, yeah. Viginal taint to butthole. I'm in there. I'm in there with a sponge. Well, I, you know, I'm in there with that Dr. Bronner's peppermint hemp. And it will wake you up. I'll tell you that.

And you really, you can't let it sit too long. Like, if you put that in your pussy, like, you got to rinse because it starts to burn a little bit. But it feels so nice in your butthole. Like it's peppermint. It's so minty. I also just recently read the bottle and you can clean your house with that. So I don't know. I mean, anything can clean your body with you can clean your house with.

It's not vice versa. Okay. I can't wind extra pussy. Okay. Yeah, I just was like, interesting. Maybe this isn't the best thing for my pussy, but I love the way it feels. I really was thinking about this and I actually was talking to an ex of mine last night who this was like the most prime example of this, like asking somebody to change.

Like I think we can only ask somebody a couple times nicely to do something in the beginning of relationship. I'm talking about long-term relationships for you go to therapy or somebody. I'm just saying like I had an ex who just like there was no verbal affirmations from him ever. And there was only so many, he'll tell you that we broke up because he didn't tell I was pretty enough. But that was the symptom of it.

There's only so many times you can ask a person to do something or be a certain way before you just have to like cut bait. Yeah, I'm with you. I've been watching Southern Charmer a lot. Cut bait. Oh my God. I like just agreed and then I rethought it. I know.

I was like, she's not going to bring this up. He had an Instagram account for his four runner. Oh my God. He had accounts for their cars. And he told me to stop listening to Girls got to eat. That hurts my feelings. Like I hate that any of you guys could have been duped into dating such a piece of shit. as someone who would tell you to stop listening to this podcast.

That's garbage. Break up with him. If anybody has even whispered a word of it, break up with him. Yeah. Well, we hope you guys like this episode. Yes, I hope you feel empowered by it and excited to get out there and demand that somebody treats you well and find your worth. Don't let a loser make you feel like shit.

No. Let a loser get you down well. Yeah. Well, you guys can get vibes only sex toys, lube, lube, blow gel at vibes only. only.com and download the app on the app store and we're coming soon we've said this so many times and girls got to eat podcast.com you guys can find the advertisers the episodes merchandise all those things you can follow us at girls got eat podcast on instagram on instagram on instagram on instagram. on instagram. I'm ash Hess on all social media. Raina is rena.org

underscore got to eat on twitter and also let me back up vibes only on instagram and Twitter. It's chaotic and we'll see next week. Have a good week guys.