Girls Gotta Eat - Don't Wait for a Partner to Do the Damn Thing!

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

If you feel like everyone around you is partnered up and you're missing out on doing things because you're single – this episode is for you! We are encouraging you to live the life you want (and deserve) regardless of your relationship status and are giving tips for doing it – everything from traveling solo to making more friends to doing home improvements. We also discuss going out to eat alone, the joy of buying expensive things for yourself, and the milestones our listeners have accomplished on their own. Before we get into the topic, we are recapping VEGAS (the Lovers & Friends festival getting canceled and Rayna's hot date), Ashley's LDR realizations, and a new addition to our family (!!!). Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Enter the Vibes Only giveaway. Thank you to our partners this week: Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE. Helix: Get 30% off all mattress orders plus two free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge. Skims: Shop the Skims T-Shirt Shop at skims.com. ZocDoc: Download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for free and book a top-rated doctor at zocdoc.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You don't want to live your life waiting for someone to let you live your life. Come on. I like that quote. Thanks. So it of Girls' Got to Eat. Welcome back. Feeling good. Deep breaths.

We just had a scheduling conflict that was self-inflicted. I should manage you time-wise better. I'm just like, she's an adult. I'm going to tell an adult how to manage their time, but I should because I'm the timely punctual one. Well, we're just sitting here and I had a. very specific timeline today to record and then get to my laser appointment and then get to a dinner and I had everything mapped out. I showered. I shaved. I did all my stuff. And then I'm just sitting here and I look at the clock and I'm like, I don't have time now to do that. I was like, she's being

a little lazy fare about this. But don't you sometimes forget that like there is no adult to tell you what to do? Never. Sometimes though, I'm like, where's the grown up in the room to tell me? Like, you've never feel like that. You've always feel like you're in charge of yourself. I am and I'm like really hard on myself about timeliness and being punctual. There's no option in my mind to, like, miss an appointment or be 15 minutes late to something. Like, if I'm going to be 15 minutes late and, like, by blowing my hair dry,

it will make me 15 minutes late, I don't blow my hair dry. I'm going to the thing with wet hair. Like, I'm so on top of myself about this shit. I mean, I am too. I'm a high functioning, successful 40-year-old woman.

But I'm just saying there's these moments sometimes where you're like, is anyone going to check me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I feel enabled sometimes. I feel like the opposite. I would like to feel like that more. Like I wake up and I make a list every morning. 7 a.m.

I make my list. And then it's just running through my head all day this morning. At like 9, I was like, I'm going to relax. We're not recording to like two. I got to calm down. Why am I just like do this thing?

Return this package. Like I could deal with calming down. Okay, here's what it is. It's when you're with another high function adult and you're like, are they going to check me? Because I don't know. Sometimes I think about weird stuff like this.

Like for example, recently when I was like in Boston, we had to like leave to go to the airport to get me to the airport. And I thought to myself, like, if I never said, like, it's time to go, like, would he say it's time to go? Like, who's in charge of my flight? Probably me. Probably me. I should probably know when we need to go.

But, like, you know, we had to leave his apartment at 630 for me to get to this. This is my boyfriend I'm talking about for him to drive me to the airport on time. And I'm thinking, like, we're cutting it a little close. We were fine. Obviously, you know, I love to cut it close. I hadn't checked a bag. So it was no big deal. But in my head, I was like, would he say something?

Or would he just be like, she's an adult? Like, too, you know, you just weirdly. enable each other. Okay, so I relate to this because when I am around an extremely high functioning adult, I fall to pieces. That's what I'm saying. I am actually like, how do cars work? How do credit? Like, I do

become like a weird version of myself. I'm like, I don't know how to do it. Like when Rob stays with me, everything that happens, I'm like, Rob will deal with it. But then sometimes I'm in the mode where I am the mom and I have to corral everybody or nobody will ever be on time. Like, on a trip that I've planned, I

feel like I find myself in that role. I guess it's just what I know that I've planned it and I'm in charge that I'm like, okay guys, we got to call the Uber or we got to get in the car. This is the time the reservation is. And I don't like that. But you produce this podcast, so you have to tell me when it's time to record. I wasn't going to manage you today. Yeah, but you know more about how long it takes to get to West Hollywood from the West Side.

You're right. I should have managed you better. Like you were just sitting here watching the clock tick. I was having a nice time. I was like, she is really just. living free. I thought she had to go, but she clearly doesn't. I guess we all just flow into different responsibilities, a grown-up position. And sometimes you're just like, I don't know, is anyone going to tell me what to do? And other times you're like, I got to tell everybody what to do. And I've also

never dated anybody that I felt like could like manage me. Like I feel like I've had to very seriously manage every person I've ever dated. Like I've never been like, I'm not the alpha in this relationship. Someone's going to tell me what time we have to be somewhere. Well, that's what I wish for you is that you would find somebody that would boss you around and you wouldn't have to do that. I would like to even just find somebody that would tell me what time the dinner reservation is. Someone that can make a dinner reservation. Yes, that's what I would like. That's the bar.

And also, I feel like I've taken on this role of like doing everything for me because I'm like, who's going to do it better than me? Who's going to treat me better than me? You know what? Let's circle back about that statement right there. Who's going to treat me better than May? Yeah. You know what I'm going to say.

Well, let's do our partners and then we'll get into it because it does kind of tie into the episode today. Teaser. You guys. Big thanks to Skims for supporting our show. Shop the Skims T-shirt shop at Skims.com. Now available in sizes, extra, extra small to 4X. Be sure to let them know we sent you after you place your order to select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu.

And thanks to Zock Doc for supporting Girls Guddy. Zock-Doc-Doc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, takes your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun. go to Zocdoc.com slash GGE and download the ZocDoc app to sign up for free and book a top rated doctor. And we'd like to thank Nutraful for supporting girls got to eat. Does the craziness of everyday life leave you stressed and shedding? Nutriful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement. For a limited time, get $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutraful.com and enter the promo code GGE. And big shout out today to Helix sleep. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. Go to helix sleep.com slash GGE with Helix Better Sleep starts now. I think I need to get a little more comfortable. Like you're in like socks and like I got comfy today. I'm in like a outfit with a jacket and your tits out and shoes. You aren't a lot of stuff today. Because I plan my day and I'd like get ready for dinner. I'm so good at play.

Yeah, I poorly plan. my day. I'm comfy today. But it's like we have to go have a dinner tonight. So, oh, these socks are coming on. I just got back your house. Guys, this is the Patreon. I'm so glad you brought pedicures. Okay, so if you guys are like con and newer here, I got my first pedicure when I was 37. I had never gotten a pedicure in my entire. I have really ugly feet. I'm very insecure about them. I also have like a really short nail beds. Like my nails don't like grow that long. So like my nail beds on my toenails are ugly and my feet are disgusto barfo. So ugly. Like, so chubby. Raina, they, listen,

it's going to be someone's kink. Your man that's going to make a reservation is going to love those feet. That's how I know that somebody loves me. They tell me my feet are cute. Yeah, way back when, I told your ex, he asked what he should do for your birthday. I said, come on her feet to show her that you love them. That they turn you on. Okay. So anyways,

I'm on my fourth pedicure now. I'm really excited. I've been doing it at this place, Pinkies in Santa Monica. And every time that I'm in the chair, I'm like, everybody's looking at you. Everybody's looking at you. And I feel like people come in and they recognize me and they're like, ew, look at Rainier Greenberg's feet. They're so ugly. Raina.

Okay. I went to Pinkies and first of all, the vibe was tense when I walked in. And I was like, what's happening in Pinkies? And I was like, the vibes are weird. And then I went there with Kate and we're getting pedicures. Then the vibe shifted and everybody was celebrating. And I realized they had had an inspector there for four hours. And they had just passed their inspection.

They got an A plus. And so even my girl who was doing my pedicure was just like, oh, my God. Like she had this paper in her hands. She was like, I don't know if they each individually got inspected. Like basically it was just like everyone passed. And then I'd realize like, oh my gosh, you guys have been under intense scrutiny for the last four hours. Like, no wonder it felt so tense, whatever. So, you know, congrats to Pinkies for their A plus.

And then towards the end of my pedicure, the woman next to me, like doing the nails of whoever was next to me, turned to me. She was like, are you Raina's friend? And I was like, oh, my God, are you Jessica? And she was like, yes. And then we go back and forth. And I was like, Raina loves you so much. And then I go, how did you know it was me? And she just was like, oh, it got really weird and didn't answer me.

Oh, I wasn't sure how she would know. She's on Instagram. She's on Instagram. Okay. So maybe she felt weird answer. She kind of dodged me. And I was like, okay, maybe I'm just loud. And I said your name.

I'm sure I said your name a few times. Well, she started the podcast because the first like three or four times I was in there every time I was there, like Girlies in Santa Monica, Venice area would be like, oh my God, I love the podcast. And finally she was like, what's your show? Got it. Okay. So she knows the show and people always like say hi to me when I'm in there. Okay.

Yeah, that's probably how. Okay. Okay. So let me circle back. Okay. Just to close the loop. Yeah, bring back to top of your inbox and close a loop on this thing you said. So we'll talk today about your solo trip and you had voice note to me about all the things that you were doing, all the things you would plan for yourself.

And you go, no one treats me better than me. No one's ever going to treat me better than me. No one treats me better than me. And you were like, I mean, I know you and Sparkalize. like my boyfriend. She was like, I mean, I know he does nice stuff for you, but in my head, I was like, she's going to say, but he could never treat you as good as I treat me. I thought you and I was going to be like, um, okay, weird insult. But you didn't. You were just like, and I know he treats you amazing and does nice stuff for you, but yeah, like you, that wasn't what you said,

but I really thought it was coming. I really thought you're about to be like, but he'll never be a better man to you than I'll be a man to myself. Like it was really funny that I thought that was coming. It's funny that you thought that. And you might not have been wrong. I'm kidding. He's wonderful. I will always treat you better than any man can't baby. No, the way you treat yourself, it's high level. I mean, who else is going to do if it's not me? I treat me really good. I also like my own company. I like all, you know, so we'll talk about it later. But also I will say like a real problem in my life growing up and well into my 20s and probably early 30s is like I used to say shit like that a lot that like I thought was funny. But like I didn't think a couple steps down the road of like how is this person going to digest this thing that like I think is funny? I used to really like. I guess like put my foot in my mouth a lot. Like that was something that like I would make a lot of jokes and not really think like how is this going to affect somebody.

And I really find as I've gotten older, I'm like proud that I do think like a few steps down the road of like just because I think this is funny, does not mean somebody's going to digest this is not an insult kind of. Yeah. That's okay. That's true. I'm proud of it. I'm proud that like I have like sort of like pivoted a little and I think a little bit more

before I maybe just say whatever's on my mind all the time. Well, no problems with me. Because if I don't like something, I'll tell you on the special. spot. Also true. Can you imagine? What if I was like, Raina,

you said this thing that bothered me a month ago? That's my, that's my brand. Oh my gosh. In my mind, I'm like, maybe I'll be less pissed about it

and I'm like, nope. I mean, she will not be less pissed about it. But sometimes it does. I was just listening to Beyonce,

just for fun. Time heals everything. Okay. I kind of like the theme that song. And it is kind of, time doesn't heal everything. But I've been thinking

about that lately, how it really can, can time and truth tell all Justin Bobby. Is that what it was? I think that you and I have a unique relationship and that like we can't pick every battle. Like we do have to pick and choose them.

I'm sure been things I can't imagine what they would be over the years about me that annoyed you. And I'm sure you've been like, I don't need to bring this up. It doesn't matter. Like to me I have to decide like is this a one-off instance or is this indicative of like a larger issue? And I also can usually tell when you and I are like barreling towards our like annual fight.

And so I do have self-talk about that. I'm sure you do too where you're just like, I can't bring up every single thing. We run two businesses together. We're together constantly. I can't pick everything. Yeah. It's a deeper conversation.

Like you can't just say a statement, time heals everything and apply to everything in your life. But there's just the line that you have to decide of, am I just going to let this go? Or is this like the fifth thing like this? You know? And is this a pattern? And do I need to bring it up?

And with a friendship, with a romantic relationship, I kind of had something happen. It's not that serious. But in my relationship where I just felt like recently, this was like the week before I went there to see him, just something just felt a little bit off. It wasn't anything bad. There was no fight. We don't have a lot of conflict. We've never yelled at each other.

We've never hurled insults. We just have a really nice, healthy, communicative relationship. And I feel really happy and grateful for that. But we just had kind of like a few things where, I don't know, I just felt like we weren't in sync. It was just like a couple days. And I was like, is this in my head? Is he saying things that are going through a different filter? Because I'm feeling some type of way.

And we'd had a couple conversations recently that probably just should have been in person, just kind of about like the future of the relationship and where we're going to live and things like that. And, you know, my fault for bringing one of them up that maybe could have waited until we were in person. And I don't know. I think there was just these tiny little things that made me feel like we weren't as like 10 out of 10 like we usually are. And I did bring it up. And in my head, I was like, I really think this is just. a growing pain of this relationship that's going on a year and we just need to see each other.

And that was the case. Once I got there, it was just like everything was great and like it normally is. But I just got thinking about this kind of long distance relationship plight of you're not with each other in person to hug each other or really like feel each other's presence or have sex or take a walk or go out for drinks or do whatever couples do to like reset. You know, and you kind of to work these things out over the phone or like via FaceTime. And we've done a really great job. Again, we haven't really had much conflict. We've had like a few miscommunications here and there and we've worked through them.

I think with partners or romantic partners, you're like, when you get into that like couple days where you're just like not seeing eye to eye, you're like, oh my God, is this at the beginning of something? Yeah. Is this the beginning of the end? Like, is this the end of the honeymoon phase? Yeah. And then I think long distance is tough because like once you see each other, it is better.

Yeah. And I also just use the example to validate people in long distance relationships that it's tough. And I can't imagine being in a more volatile or more like conflict-ridden relationship and then you're trying to fix things from afar. Like, I think you have to be really strong and really healthy and communicative to even make those work in the first place because so much of making up with people and resetting is like being with them in person. Yeah, I realize I have some pretty avoidant tendencies sometimes. And like, I do. Like, I mean, I've done it with you. I've done with family members. I've done it with romantic partners where I like refuse to acknowledge

if something's bothering me. Something is clearly bothering me. And I like will not have the discussion. My brother has said like it's like you're making somebody like pay for it double. You're clearly upset about something, but then you like won't tell somebody. And so like it just makes me think when you don't tell me this stuff, you don't love me or you're punishing me. And like, yeah, I have some avoidant tendencies. So if you add the distance on top of it, for me, it gets even worse. I could avoid things for a long time. I think you've come a long way with that stuff too. Like we're a world of different. than it was like five years ago or six years ago.

But yeah, you actually can't avoid them. They can't just like pop, pop, up, show up on your door. Knock, knock. You have to talk to me. Like, you can just dodge their calls and you can just be like, I'm sorry. I'm just busy. Leave me alone. Like you actually.

Gasslight them. What do you want? Gaslight them. Exactly. I'm busy. So anyway, it was something that kind of came up that I had that little bit of fear about. And of course, it was like nothing. And we just needed to, you know, be in person.

You need to see each other. I mean, so much can be fixed from a blowjob. But I didn't give one. Actually, guys, we're Actually, we're not okay, honestly, because I didn't blow him. Okay, well, speak into blow jobs. Let's talk about...

We are doing a giveaway. For Vives Only, we have not done one in AJs. We're really excited to do this for you guys. So, do you want to announce what the name of it is? Summer is coming. Yes, it is. And so are you. Yes.

And so is your partner or whoever. Yes, so let us help you come. So Ashley and I own a company Vives Only. it's a premium line of sex toys and accoutrement. So in this summer is coming giveaway, we're going to be giving away to three lucky winners. Our best-selling toy, it is the Raina vibrator. It is a double-sided vibrator. So it vibrates on one end, sucks on the other side. It comes in this gorgeous, like deep pink color. Our newest flavor of our blow gel, juicy peach, which you're going to talk a little bit more about that in a little bit. And then finally,

our Flickr Massage Oil Candles. This is the perfect thing for a night at home. yourself or with a partner. I love just the scent of the massage oil candle. It's a vanilla sun tall. It's really fun for a date night. It's juicy peach. Just get your oral on. And here's how you enter to win. You have to go to vibes only.com slash giveaway. And it's just one landing page. And you're going to enter your email address and sign up for the newsletter. If you are already signed up for the newsletter, you can refer a friend. They'll go to the same landing page. They'll enter their email and yours. And you'll both be entered for the giveaway. So again, that's vibes only.com slash giveaway. You'll put your email in to enter into our newsletter list and it'll

automatically enter you into the giveaway. Yeah. So super easy. We just want to over explain it away, but you just go to that link and that'll get you entered to win or if you refer a friend, of course. And then winners will be alerted via email and then announced on Instagram on Monday 520. Monday 520 is a couple things. It is the launch of the new Ashley. We're just going to say it. Oh, you're just doing it. I mean, I think we've been. teasing it, new Ashley's coming. Well, she's sold out on the website. The OG Ashley's gone.

Yes, we're placing her. We're placing her. She's bigger. She's better. You guys are not ready. So that is going to be on 520. And then also it's my one year anniversary with my partner. And it's just going to be an exciting day.

We're going to be in New York right around then. Yeah. Yeah. And that's when we will announce the winners. And again, like Raina said, the Raina 2 and 1. It's our most popular toy. and the massageable candle is so wonderful, and then that juicy peach suck and blow gel.

And I always just want to remind people how to use it. Every once in a while, we will get questions like, how do I use blow gel? You guys talk about it like it's second nature and it's, you know, it's because it's our company. But it is designed for oral sex on anybody. And so if you are sucking a dick, you just do a couple little pumps.

You can do it directly on the penis or you can do it in your hand and just kind of like glue it up. It really a little goes a long way. And then if you're eating pussy, the same thing. Just a couple little pumps and just get in there. We talked about eating ass recently. However you want, you know, just go rogue with it. Yeah, but it's just not complicated.

Don't be intimidated by it. You know, just have it on the bedside table and whip it out and make it like a sexy little thing. And just, you know, a couple pumps, however you want to apply it and just go to town. Yeah, I love it. Ashley and I are the biggest fans. It activates your saliva lands, makes your mouth all juicy. So just a much more fun, easier blowjob. Makes your breath smell good.

We can talk about that enough. Do you see peach? And we also have a vanilla frosting in the line as well. Yes. So good luck with the giveaway. Enter to win. We have a lot of fun stuff coming down the line, but we do want to do like a fun ahead of summer giveaway.

And three of you will be the winners. We'll announce it next week. Yeah. And we will just go ahead and put that link to the giveaway in the bio of vibes only. And you can follow vibes only on Instagram. Yes. Okay. This is a weird way to circle back to my brother.

Speaking of blow gels. Because we talked about him earlier, you guys, that's my segue. So I have an announcement. I'm very excited and I cleared it with him that I was allowed to say. Oh, my God! I'm going to be an aunt and I'm so excited. And actually, 520 is their wedding anniversary. Oh, my gosh.

My sister-in-law and my brother have been together since they were 22. They're 34 now. They're having their first baby. They just moved to London. I just like, I cry constantly about it. They called and told me and I was crying. And all my friends have like nieces and nephews and I wanted to be in this culture for so long. And when they got married when they were like 27,

There's seven year anniversary is coming up. And I just saw babies right away. And they did not take that route. And it's spent so much time solo and they've moved to London since. And it's brought me even closer to my sister-in-law. Like, we've just been talking constantly. I want to like check in on how she's feeling. And it makes me so happy to see my brother as like a father.

I know. I feel really emotional about it. And I'm just so excited for them. That's so special. I know. I'm so excited. Wow, you really got to announce it. I did not.

You know, my brother is when the baby comes out. That's the hard launch. Well, so I was talking my brother about this like 20 minutes ago before we started recording and I was like, am I allowed to say this on podcast? And he was like, I guess. He's like, I don't really, I don't have social media. So I, yeah. So it's like his worst trait. And I was like, Ashley's brother hard launched their babies after they came out. Yeah. So he's not really launching it anywhere. Here's the launch. This is it. This is the launch, you guys. So I hope they've told everybody they want to. Congratulate them in the YouTube comments, I guess. Well, I'm so excited for you.

my nephew is talking and he's just like a parrot right now. He's repeating everything. He's learning these words and like every day they like get better. He says Ash Eve. He used to call me Aunt Ah. Like it was just like aunt ah. And that's when we would FaceTime and stuff. He would just say ah.

But now he's saying Ashley minus the L. He's saying Raina is pretty good. It kind of sounds like Ray. Raya. Rada. I think it's I don't know. Like the N. He's doing Rayna pretty well.

He is doing really well. I actually thought that it was going to be. I thought he was going to do nine. because that's like my brother always called me when I was little. He's got Raina, and of course, like mommy, and he goes, Daddy. And he just does all, they give him all the cats and the dog's names. And he has Azul. And he's just, he's crushing it.

It's just really so, you can tell my brother, like, he sends, like, video updates every day of, like, the improvement of the words. But it's so exciting. He sent me a video yesterday of saying your boyfriend's name, not my name. I don't know why. Like, okay, Matt. I know. I was like, what is this? And I was like, don't worry, he said Raina's name instead of mine yesterday.

He is so cute and tall. Not that I'm who's surprised there. He's so tall. And I just, I can't believe how like grown up he is. Yeah. So I should post like a video of him like saying my name. But I can't wait to see them. And I feel like I'm going to be there in a couple weeks.

And he's just going to be like talking so much. Like it happens so fast. This is not a hot take for anyone who has kids or has nieces and nephews. But once it starts, it's just like rolling into like all the words. and you can see them like the comprehension and it's just it's so cute and special. So I love it. I'm excited for you guys. And then I'm excited to do it too.

Yeah. Okay. Let's take a quick break and we'll get back into it. I am telling you guys about neutraful. Okay. I'm so excited to talk about this today. So I have a friend and she is someone I knew from Atlanta and she just had this like gorgeous, long flowing hair. And she's just really struggling with it changing and she's trying to figure out why.

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Ashley's always showing me her little baby hair growth. I'm going to do like a curtain bang soon, like with the new hair that's like coming in. But that is like where a lot of it shedded and now it's like coming back in. And so it's just, I don't know. So in a clinical study, 86% of women reported improved hair growth after taking Nutraful. I am one of them. But again, results vary for everybody. And that's after six months.

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Okay. Doctors need to give this update. Some of you probably are like, please stop talking about this. But people do care. A huge amount of our audiences in the medical field. Yeah. We've always had a large following of the medical community on girls got to eat. So we've talked about this.

We think we skipped a week. But there was like a couple weeks, maybe, I don't know, like a month ago where the episode where it started was the work wife episode, all that stuff. That was a couple weeks ago. And we talked about this woman. She said her ex was wanting to like practice medical exams on a classmate in med school. and then we got a bunch of emails about it and like, this is normal, this isn't normal. We use actors for things like this, whatever.

And then someone wrote in and was like, well, if it was a pelvic exam, we're like, well, she never said it was a pelvic exam, but lo and behold, it was. So if you're not invested in this, then get invested. No, I'm getting it. But I just wanted to provide one final update because I think people were a little confused here. So she didn't say anything about vaginas before. She did not.

She didn't. She was just like he wants to practice his doctor stuff on a classmate and people wait in whether that was like normal or not. And basically it's not normal that you just are like, hey, you want to come over and I can finger you? That's not normal. No. I mean, we got about a dozen emails or so saying like it's a bunch of work actors and then we were corrected again saying like they're not out of work if this is what they have. Exactly. And we also were like, why actors?

Because then we were like, oh, because they can act like they have those issues. Right. So using actors is a thing. I mean, it's something interesting that I hadn't thought about before. Like, how do doctors practice? Like, who do they practice on? Our friends, boyfriends are a doctor? I don't know. Yeah. So she wrote it to clear things up. She said, hi. L.O. I feel like I do need to make some further clarification after listening to last two-year podcast. She didn't think her email be used and their friend sent me a text that was like, hey, girl, I think this is about you. Is this fucking play about us? Okay. I know I shouldn't have been PG, but I was just trying to have some respect for people. the medical community. But yes, to clarify the reason I was pissed was because he wanted to practice a pelvic exam on his female classmate. And in order to do this, they would have to go back to one of their apartments for this girl. Like, that is so funny. That is so funny. These are gaslighting her. Like, this is normal. I'm going to go to her apartment and finger her. I'm so dead. Right. So, she was in the right to break it off if that's why they indeed broke up. I'm coming with you to that apartment. Oh, yeah.

Let me watch his pelvic exam. Why don't you practice on me? Yeah. Let me see how your education's going, babe. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. You have a vagina right here.

That is so funny. What if she would have been like, why don't you practice on me? He would have been like, oh, because I need somebody in the medical field to tell me if I'm fingering them right. I would have been like, I've gotten a pap every year for the last 20 years. So I can tell you if you're doing it right. I know how it feels. Okay. So anyway, go back to the apartments to do this.

It wouldn't have been in a clinical setting, she says. I later had three of my other friends all call me and text me if I, I submitted the story and we all came to the conclusion with the information I provided. Yeah, it didn't make sense to be mad. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. But knowing what he was actually asking about was fucking weird and a total step over the line. Yes, it was.

She says a couple more things and she sounds like she's doing great and she's, you know, thriving and he may or may not be. And so we love it. We love the update. Yeah. It is like, why don't you practice on May? So, again, feel free to debunk and keep this story going. but I'm going to say that it is not normal, that you are going back to your classmates' apartment to do pelvic exams. And if your partner says that and then accuses you of hindering their education, I think they're gaslighting you.

This feels like a voluntary group project. I would want from the teacher in writing, I want to see you tell me in writing at a professional setting in an email that this is what you're doing in your classes. Right. Your teacher should email me. Exactly. You need the teacher's receipt. It's so funny. I mean, this is some audacity. Yes. This is just getting permission to cheat. I know. Here's my teacher's note. Yeah. Here's my doctor's note. This is so funny. I know. Okay. So we just spent the weekend in Las Vegas. Yes. I say Vegas weird. I haven't seen it. Last weekend. Well, May 4th. May 4th would have been the Lovers and Friends Festival. We had a 48 hours in Vegas. Yes. I had the time of my life, but it did not go. according to plan. It did not. I was so excited for you.

Plan this whole trip. We're going to go to lovers and friends. And it is once a year. It is dozens of artists. And you got the whole girl group. I couldn't believe how many people that you got to go. I can't either. People that I never would have expected to come on a girls trip.

This was me, Raina, and three of like my best girlfriends from home, basically. Like Philly, Delaware. My best friend, Corey, who is her 40th is coming up

and she hasn't been on vacation forever. and she has three kids. Right. This was like a special trip for her. And like Laura and Lee and I share this passion for that type of music, like 90s, early 2000s like hip hop, R&B rap. And so this was just going to be like our Super Bowl. I mean, you guys know, I don't tell you this.

But we went, we had this whole weekend planned. And we're sitting at dinner Friday night at Q. At Q. At Q. Yes, I was going to say, we'd love this place called Q. We'd love Chef Chris. We did our team dinner there, the one in New York. They have like four.

one's in New York, Miami. At the Fountain Blue in Vegas. And the Fountain Blue in Vegas. Yeah. So we're there and having this wonderful dinner, so excited for the festival next day, planning what time we're going to wake up, you know, what we're going to wear, all this stuff. And Lee just stopped dead in her tracks. And she had been on her phone and she sees on Instagram.

It just says festival canceled. I thought someone died. She would not say words. I was like, can you speak, please? She couldn't speak. I was like, what? What are you saying to me? So long story.

short, they canceled this festival due to wind. Like, it was supposed to be windy. I still can't get over it. People have their conspiracy theories. People think that stuff was going wrong and then they just use the weather so they could get the insurance money. I mean, listen, I'm not making any accusations. This festival is not a fire festival. I went to it. There's always been some drama and controversies and things that seemed to go wrong around this festival, but I did go two years ago when it was legitimate. There was also issues then. Also, there's 45 artists who are trying to pack into one day, the things are going to go wrong. Raina, hundreds, hundreds.

And it did say, in the weather's defense, it did say wind all day long the next two days, but it really looked like Sunday the weather was going to drop 20 degrees and be terrible. And rain and I are all about safety. Like, I understand also like you have severe wind. It blows

stuff around. Someone gets impaled. You know, like it can be a hazard. But to me, wind is something that you don't know until you know. It may or may not be that windy. And like 20 miles an hour, wins, even 30 is like still fine of a festival. 60, no. You know, I'm not a win an expert. I used to be. 30 would be a lot.

30 would be a lot. 60, you need to go on to ground. 60 miles or win. Oh, she knows so much about wind all of a sudden. 60 miles an hour is picking up a car. No. It's picking up trash hands. Text my boyfriend, see about the car thing. Bottom line is it did not get windy enough until maybe late.

It was a gentle breeze. They could have the festival. It was crazy. They could have the festival. I mean, we were there. we were right down from the strip. Like it was a light breeze and it got like a few winds. But like someone, I saw some time on Twitter like went there and took like video

was like it's really all these gusts. I'm like no, no, no. Like we're all in this city. You know, like there might be a gust here and there but this did not seem that the festival should have been canceled because of it. And it was such a bummer. It was, I mean, we're at the pool all day.

We're outside in these winds all day. Most of the day there wasn't in a light breeze. You know, we had food wrappers, not blowing. Nothing. Just fine. You know, hair was fine. Hair not tangly. We were fine.

A windy day, you got a tangly mess. So there was just nothing to do. Like, there was something we could do. Yes. And so immediately, backtrack to the dinner, immediately I'm like, we got to go to Magic Bike. We've been dying to go. We've been dying to go.

Yeah. So I'm like, immediately I'm online. Like, I will buy these right now. You know, that's why I got my credit card in my head locked and loaded in case there's no Apple Pay option. And I just saw enough. enough seats and I grabbed them immediately. What websites do you want that Apple Pay is not a big of people?

Not always. They take 30%. Just in case I enter a scenario in which Apple Pay. I don't think they had Apple Pay. Home Depot doesn't have Apple Pay. A lot of sites don't. I didn't pay for those tickets with Apple Pay. You did it? I put them with a company card.

Did we pay for that? Does it even pay me? No. I think we paid for that. No, I can't remember. I just realized I haven't built anybody. I don't ask anybody for that money. That's funny.

Okay. So I immediately am like, okay, I see this theater is such a cool set up and we'll tell you guys more about the show. But I'm like, how should I do this? Because I don't see a table for like five. I saw a table for four and then at the table next to it, one seat open. And so I'm like, I think these tables are close enough that we'll all kind of be really tight.

Like by the seating map. So I would just grab those five seats. Right. And I'm like, we're in. We're going to Magic Mike. And honestly, I mean, listen, the festival being canceled was so devastating. Like, it really like ripped my heart out. But we couldn't have had a better weekend.

And that being said, like, the whole next day was just like a perfect pool day. Corey and I had our hot coffee by the pool. That's our friendship. And we just all laid by the pool and like talk shit and had a great day. I was up at 7 in the morning DMing every restaurant in Las Vegas. I know you don't have any reservations, but can you help me out? You got us the best reservation. We went to Mother Wolf also in the Fountain Blue and in L.A.,

but chef Chris helped us with that too. Yeah. Baller table. I had a great day. Really, like, I kept forgetting that this terrible thing happened because I was really peak happy. And I'm like, also my best friend, like my best friends, but like, Corey, I mean, I don't get to go on vacations with her. Like, we used to live together and do we? I mean, we have not been together outside of Delaware, really. We have not done a vacation since Laura

got married, you know, where we're in some warm place by the pool having drinks, you know, so that was really important to me. Well, I told you days later, because I didn't, it didn't really register necessarily. We just like kept it rolling. Like, this was canceled. You got Magic Mike. I got a reservation. We planned the rest of our night. It was great. But like, you've said that you've been working on like letting things go a little more easily. And I never for one second did you dwell on this. I really was impressed because when you are really looking, not you, the plural you are looking forward to something and somebody takes it away from

you and you have resources, you have time, you have a good brain that can rationalize and figure out a better solution. Like you have all those things. You're like, I just, I have no recourse. Like nothing makes me feel crazier of when I'm just like, I have the smarts and the money to fix most things and I can't fix this. It makes me feel crazy. And all these people have flown here for this.

I know. These expectations. Yeah. We didn't have clothing for the next day. We brought festival clothing. Right. There was no reservations left for anything. We grabbed the last tickets at Magic Mike.

Like I was impressed by you because this really is the thing you look forward to the most. And you just pivoted. You never complained. You weren't a bad mood about it. You weren't upset. Like I never heard one word about it from you. Well, thanks for saying that. It means a lot.

I mean, again, what could we do? But what I tell you guys how much I was looking forward to this? Like, you don't even know. You know, like when we heard that in 2023, it was the same date as our Chicago theater show. Like my heart broke. I was canceled the show on you guys. My favorite thing.

Yeah, we almost canceled the sold out of Chicago theater. No, I'm kidding. We would never. But I had a document of my schedule because there were so many different artists performing at the same times, which is chaotic. This festival should be two days. Don't get me fucking started. But like, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if this festival is done for good.

I mean, Ludacris is like post on his Instagram like, Usher, Luda and Liljohn, we will do it again. You know, he's like quoting lovers and friends. Like, I just don't know. This is like Usher's thing if you guys didn't know. And yeah, it like broke my heart. but I'm like, I'm in Vegas with my best friends and we're laying by the pool. Like we have a dinner rest tonight.

Like I just felt still really happy and we still made the best of it. And I just got to say, we have a show in Vegas. That's where we're kicking off our tour. Will not be canceled due to wind indoors. And I absolutely cannot wait to kick the tour off there. Like we love Vegas. I mean, I loved it a year before you, I think. I started loving Vegas in 2022.

You got there before. I didn't know Las Vegas as much as you did. We also, we always do this. I got to L.A. before you too. And then I convinced you. that it's great. Like I started loving LA and then I was like, Raina, it's great. We got to Vegas and I was like, do I like Vegas? 48 hours in Vegas time of my life. I love it. I did

everything. I saw Magic Mike. I had great meals. I had sex. I made money. I gambled. I did everything. I loved it. I went to the pool. My friends. I got to dress slutty. Yes. Dressing slutty is where it's at. Dress is slutty as you want for our shows. Listen to you guys, you have to come to the show. Like, it is going to be iconic. We're kicking off the tour. We'll talk about Magic Mike. We got some inspo. We're going to be slutty. We're going to be the sluttiest. You be the sluggiest. Bring those titties out. Yes. This is, book it now. One weekend in Vegas is all you need. Stay at a hotel. Prices are probably going to be great in September. September, yes. Do the fucking thing. The weather,

perfect. Yes. There's no place I want to spend 48 hours just being debauchress more. It is an adult fucked up playground. Hot take. You ever heard of Las Vegas. It's just like somebody who's like, what's all the most fucked up stuff? Put it together in one city. I just love it. It's so fun. We can't wait to keep off the tour there. That'll be September 21st. It's a Saturday night. You can get tickets at Girls Gotta Eat.com at the Cosmopolitan. My dad texted me this morning.

It was like the place you're performing. So beautiful. We've heard it's like our agent insisted on it. It took a long time to get it locked in. It was like one of the last dates we confirmed because he was like, no, no, no, this is where you're going to play. He was throwing other stuff out and then he would walk it back. No, no, actually, no.

Let me go back to the Cosmo. So we can't wait to play it. And then that's just going to kick off like a wild tour because now we have been inspired. Even more so. I didn't get to sit with you at Magic Mike, and I've never missed you more in my whole life, because I brought a date to Magic Mike. Raina, I brought a date to Magic Mike. And I'm going to tell you guys.

No, first I'm going to ask you a question. Have you still not seen the fucking movie Magic Mike? No. I don't know it. Maybe I won't now. I don't know you. I don't know you. I don't know her.

I hate you so much. I knew. I knew you weren't watching it secretly. Come home and watch it? I've been fucked up for days since we've been back. I barely recovered. I just like, I told you to watch it. years ago.

Yeah. We were in the old studio. Sometimes we don't have the same taste and stuff. And I didn't know if it's going to. This show is the best night of our life. You probably like the movie. It's the best night of your life. Nobody stripped on me.

Because I brought a date to Magic Mike. Let's talk about it. Okay. So we wake up Saturday morning and this guy texted me who I've hooked up with once previously. He is so hot. It is crazy. He texted me. Are you in Las Vegas?

I'm on my way there. And I was like, am I about to have the best day for my life? No, that's so funny. I'm on the way. He lives on the East Coast. I'm on the way, sis. Sawyer in Vegas, got on a flight.

You know, he was like, I saw that festival got canceled. Now you don't plan. Buzz, buzz. I know. He didn't say this, but you never know. It's unclear. It's unclear.

So he was like, are you in Vegas? And I was like, yeah, our festival got canceled. But like, here's our plan for the day. Whatever. I told him we were having dinner. And he was like, oh, that's crazy.

I'm having. I'm staying at the fountain blue. And I was like, are you? But I was like, we have this big table at dinner. Like, come meet my friend and say hi. would like have a drink and then I'd see him like late night. So he comes down to dinner, full suit. Braina, I didn't see it.

So I was like, you guys will see him when he walks in because he's so big and hot and tall. He looks like the rock. And then I see this guy. I'm like, in a baby blue suit with sneaks. I spotted him first. I was like, there he is. Well, I go, that's not him. I like did not expect him in a suit.

But I weirdly knew it was. I was like, that's him. He's in a suit. He's coming to Vegas for the first time. He's rocking a suit. He was so hot. Looking like he's straight out of Magic Mike. He's like 6-5.

Be honest. Actually, he could never be Magic Mike. All the strippers are like a little shorter. How tall is he? Six-five? Yeah, six-four or six-five. He's an enormous man. Six-four or six-four.

He's very beautiful. Whatever. So he comes in, he sits down. He has like dinner with us. He picks up the check for the whole dinner. I'm like, is this okay? We can afford dinner, but whatever. I'm not going to tell a man how to spend his money.

And then you barely even ate for sure. Pick up the whole tab. I was like, I'm about suck your dick at this dinner. I know. I was like, oh, it's locked in now. I was like. I was thinking to myself, he didn't even need to do that to fuck Raina, but here we are. He didn't even do anything.

He was there. I literally texted my boyfriend that. I was like, he just picked up the tab. He didn't need to. I think she was going to fuck him later. Jokes on him. I would have done it for free. And so I was just like, he's not going to come to Magic Mike.

Like, he's not going to want to do that. No guy wants to do that. So I know, but he's come to our shows. Like, I had a feeling he was going to come. Okay, keep going. But I, like, floated the idea to him. We were all just like, do you want to come with us? And he was like, do you guys, do you guys,

And we're like, no, we just come. He buys a front row seat to Magic, a solo front front seat. But yes, yes, there was one front row seat and like, look in the steamy map. I was like, okay, you're going to be like across the stage from us. We'll be like, looking at you. And he bought it. And I was like, this guy wants me so bad. He tasted something that he wanted to try again.

So he comes to Magic Mike with us. And there ended up being two more seats in the front next to him. I guess people didn't show up. So me and Lee sat next to him. and you and I were across the stage from each other. And I was so inspired by this show. There was like this woman that emcees the whole thing. And there's just like men hanging from the rafters everywhere.

And then they end the show with who run the world, which we start the show with who run the world. You and I do. And I just like wanted to sit next to you so bad. I know. I wish I was with Ashley. But when I tell you, no man even looked at me for one. No one came near me.

Lee is sitting next to you just getting crashes to the face. Like, listen, it's like these girls are all like married. But it's just all in good fun. Like these guys come and strip up on everybody. And it's all just feels like the energy feels like what I know a girl's got to eat show feels like. I mean, it feels the same. It's like screaming and yelling and like girl power and sexy guys. I mean, we have strippers at our shows if you're new around here.

And I was just like, I feel like I get to beat our show instead of doing our show. Like it's so inspiring. The energy in the room was like the hot, like it was just the absolute top tier energy in the room. Like such like women were all in this together. It was just like one big bachelorette party. and that's what our shows feel like. And so I'm just so excited to do this tour and can't wait to see all you guys.

But there were way less guys at this show. So I bet there were three. I think there were three men in the room. Yeah. And he was one of them. He looks like, I feel like most people in the room were like, that's one of the strippers. Right.

Like he's a plant. There's no way the rock is sitting here, not a stripper. But he is like a foot taller than all those guys up there. None of them even made eye contact with me. I know. He finally went to the bathroom

and I finally like begged one of them to come over and just touch me. It's so crazy because the way that the show was so immersive and they are everywhere and they're just like on you and and sometimes they'll just come and trail a handle along your back they high five you one time one someone high five me i was like wait is that like i look like a bro are they just do i am i not hot like because you want to be you want them on you yeah and the whole time you guys like reina went out to the mall earlier that day to buy a escort so she so she wouldn't have her pussy out there was five of us i'm the only single one

you're the only single ones five of us three are married i'm obviously in a relationship and then Raina was like, we're like, Raina's getting fucked tonight by those strippers. And like, she brings a date. A date to Magic Mike. I mean, we were also like sitting there making out in the front row to. These strippers were like, getting near that guy.

Yeah. And also, I will say they do pay like extra attention to like all the bachelorets, like the brides to be. So we just got to put you in a veil next time. I don't care. I just can't believe. I was like,

I couldn't even believe it. I was like, I cannot believe. Like, I think you had such a fun night, obviously. But it's just like, I was bummed that we weren't

sitting next to each other and that you didn't get to be, you know, rubbed up on or grinded on. I got grinded on. True. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We laughed. We went to the casino. I like won money. That was so fun. I didn't know you really like sit on somebody's lap at a blackjack table. Did you know? I learned that.

I don't think they have rules like that in Vegas. Can you imagine no sitting on laps? They're like, you can smoke in here, but you can sit on his lap? Absolutely not. If you can smoke indoors, there's no rules. Well, don't they have like rules about cheating and like you can, like be passing shit back and forth. I actually could be wrong. I have no idea. I have no idea. Yeah. And then, yeah, we had a fun night. It was great. And that's on that.

That's on that. So how horny were you during Magic Mike? Like, obscenely. Yeah. I literally was like two seconds away from like jerking him off like at the place. That's how you get kicked out of Magic Mike. That's the one where Vegas has. No jerking people off. That's the strip show.

I was, we were also like making out and I'm watching all these guys. I was so horny. We go back to Casino. And I was just like, can we find like right this? Yeah, I can imagine me like super boned up. It is like a very horny show. But honestly, like the hottest part is this dance. It's between a man and a woman.

It's like this water dance. Also, if you guys have seen Magic Mike 2, a lot of this show is like what's in Magic Mike too. So I didn't really love the movie that much. But now that I've seen this show, a lot of it pulls from that. I mean, Channing Tatum presents this. So it is actually truly Magic Mike presented by Channing Tatum. And then there's a storyline throughout and there's this woman emcee that.

that we loved, but the storyline throughout is about like this guy named Mike who even kind of looks like the original younger kid in the movie. And I just, it's brilliant what they do. And the energy is just so hot. And I was just like, we feel so inspired to go out on our tour and like finally be doing this again and like have the strippers. And I've been talking to our strippers and they're going to beat a lot of the shows. And so like you're going to get some of that on the tour. It's just the best. So book your hotels, get your girl group together. Bring your man. bring your mom, bring anybody, and plan those reservations, come to the show. It'll get you horned up, excited.

It'll just, it'll really set the weekend off. Okay, and then what's been going on since? Just a little talking here and there. You feel like I'm withholding for me. Well, I think you are gatekeeping to the audience. People want to know! I got a UTI! I just been like, have you been texting?

I was trying to drag out of you. No. Your body. Issues. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, give people what they want. You got to pee after sex, you guys.

So I was telling Melanie that I thought I had a UTI. I was like, I'm on my death bet I'm dying. And she said, I'm sorry to hear that, but it makes you feel any better. I'm sure you're part of a greater population of women who are also leaving Las Vegas with a UTI from this weekend. That's so fair. I feel community.

Honestly, you guys come to the tour and you two can leave with the UTI. So September 22nd, plan to leave Las Vegas with the UTI. This is what you're shooting for, UTI. A lot of people leave with gonorrhea and clemenia, too. But if you could just shoot for a UTI. Oh my God.

That's so... You get like, my God. Like, that's not the information I was just... Have you been flirting? All right. Guys, thanks for listening. TBD on the Lovers and Friends Festival reschedule. No matter what, I'll be there if it ever happens again.

This is being in Vegas that weekend every year. Unless it's one of our tour dates. Can you matter? They're like, we actually rescheduled it to September 21st. Can you imagine? Do you know how many people in my life asked me if we were part of the festival? Of the lovers and friends? My dad, my brother, Gino, everybody, were you guys a part of it? A part of the festival. Have you looked at the lineup? Yeah, what, like we're, do I look like we fit in here? Or SWV? Yeah, Gwen Stefani asked us if we wanted to just open for her. Everybody, everybody asked me if we were part of the festival. Yeah, it's a music festival. Which is very flattering because most people in our lives are just trained and know if you and I are at a festival.

festival were probably part of it. I know. I did get a couple things. We're like, are you there for work? I'm like, no. Anyway, all right. Well, that's the Vegas recap. If you're interested in coming to our Vegas show or any show in the tour, that's going to kick it off. And then we have a bunch of shows through the year. Girls Gottoeatcom. Boston, show two or three. Meet your soulmate. New York. Two shows. Boston. Three shows. My hometown Pittsburgh. Indianapolis, where I did not graduate from college, but I went to college. Okay. Minneapolis. All the things. I can't round them off right now. I'm still coming down from the coming down from the UTI.

Yeah, so was Raina. Okay. We are just going to tell you about some of our partners, then we will get into it. I have had so much sex on helix mattresses this year. Yeah. Over the past year. Yeah. So I just can't recommend him enough.

Also, a lot of sleep. Yeah, a lot of sleep. So is your brother. Yeah. Well, he has one too. My brother has made two babies in his helix. Yeah, he has. The fertility maker.

Yeah. My brother, we are a fucking. kind of Helix family. We are. We are. So you guys can be part of the Helix family as well. Just go to helix sleep.com slash GGE. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. Go to helix sleep.com slash GGE with Helix Better Sleep starts now when they said it won't last long. It's like, but hopefully he does. Ayo. Okay. So the Helix lineup offers 20 unique

mattresses, including the award-winning lux and ultra-premium elite collections. I have a few. You know, we have guest bedrooms now since we live in L.A. We have space. But I don't know if I mention this, but I have my midnight lux king. That's what I sleep on my bedroom. And then my Moonlight Lux queen from New York came in. So that's in my guest bedroom. I think I have talked about this because I had guests recently and they just loved it so much. The Helix Plus, that is the babymaker in Rohobith Beach, Delaware, where my brother and my sister-in-law live. That is designed for you're big and tall sleepers. There's a Helix Kids mattress, and you're going to find which one works best for you. You're going to take their quiz and talk about the way that you sleep. If you sleep on

your back, your stomach or your side, or you roll around if you want a firm medium or soft mattress, and they're going to match you to the perfect mattress. Everyone I've known that's taken the quiz has ordered the one that they've been matched with, and it was a perfect fit. So they really know what they're doing with that. They offer 100-night trial, 10-15-year warranty to try out your mattress. And there's cooling features to keep you from overheating at night, which I love. I'm a hot. sleeper. And again, they're just going to come to your door for free and you're just unwrap it and you can sleep on it that night. So they have won so many awards, number one mattress pick, picked by GQ, Wired Magazine. And they are recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors

of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. I mean, my sleep's never better. Yeah, I can't imagine my life without Helix. I don't know my life without Helix. I mean, I had my boyfriend get one, so I sleep on one when I go to his place. And, you know, my brother has him. Raina has him. We have him in all our guest rooms. Tessa. the whole fam. So Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. Go to HelixSleep.com slash GDE with Helix Better Sleep Starts now. And last and at least, Skims would be love. I love their spring stuff right now, but we're talking about their t-shirts. So I really am obsessed with finding like the perfect tea. I think that's all I need is a top. Like I can be in like cute crazy pants and shoes.

I just want like the perfect classic tea. And I have found it with skims. They have two that I'm obsessed. So the cotton jersey t-shirt and the soft smoothing t-shirt, which is like a little bit thinner. They're both super flattering. They're both such a great wardrobe staple. What Ash and I were like obsessed with skims is like the biggest range of sizes I've ever seen on any website and colors. I mean, they do so many versions of beige. I didn't even know that many colors existed.

They do such a good job and they have like limited edition colors all the time. And it is just like the perfect thing. It's so soft. These t-shirts. I mean, everything that they do is so good. Their spring stuff right now is fantastic. Really just chef's kiss. I mean, nothing really transitions you from spring to summer, like a t-shirt.

Because here's the thing, I mean, here in L.A., especially, I always think I'm going to be in like a little tank top with my titty's out. And like, no, it's just not warm enough. So, and then I don't want to wear long sleeves. I don't want to wear sweater, you know, so it is a t-shirt weather here a lot. Oh, yeah. Hot take, T-shirt weather. So I'm always looking for the perfect t-shirt. I wore that fits everybody T-shirt in Coco, maybe a few weeks back.

It's my favorite shade. I just am like, I look so good in it. I feel like my boobs look so good in it. Just watching clips back. I was like, man, that t-shirt really is the best. Yes, the perfect tea is very hard to find. So check it out at Skims. Shop the Skims T-shirt shop at Skims.

Now available in size is extra, extra small to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place the order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. You give us a little credit and enjoy shopping at Skims. Okay. So I recently took a trip about two weeks ago. I was very excited about it.

All my friends were gone. You were in Boston. All of our friends that we hanged. It was like the weirdest thing. Everybody was like, bye, peace out. And I was like, what am I going to do with myself? And so I just decided I've been keeping this list in my phone of everything I want to do in L.A. And I cross things off all the time.

But I've been really dying to go to Santa Barbara in Ohio and been trying to like plan a trip with a bunch of girls. And I couldn't nail everybody down. So I was just like, I'm just going to go. Like, I mean, you know me. I've always been the kind of person that will travel solo. I'll go out to eat solo. Yeah. Like I feel like I really thrive at like not waiting on another.

people to do stuff, even though I really do love group trips all the time. So I took this trip. I drove to Santa Barbara for a night. I treated myself for a nice hotel stay. I drove to Ohio and the mountains, which is really cool. And just I had a really nice solo time. I enjoy my own company. And then this girl DM'd me and she sent me, I think, inspired by the trip of me being solo, just kind of a message about being single and feeling like everybody kind of has a boyfriend to do stuff with. So it really inspired this episode. And I wanted to read you her message. And then we'll kind of unpack it. Okay. Okay. She said, hi, Raina, I have a question for you. You and Ashley have helped me so much in feeling more comfortable and confident, being single and proud of it and building up many female friendships. I feel like I have a big group of girls, but I find that a lot of them, if not all of them are in relationships. If I text and try to make last minute plans, they are usually busy with their significant others or doing other things. How do you deal with those situations? I find myself going back to the negative self-talk of if I just had a boyfriend, he would do these things with me. And like, I'm not enough without that form of a relationship. I was wondering if you ever feel that. that way or if you have any tips or advice for when people do feel like this, I'm working really

hard on myself and it's frustrating that something this small seems to be able to unravel all of this work that I've done. Thanks to her for sending that and being vulnerable and sharing that. I think that you can acknowledge that it does feel really hard sometimes. You feel isolated when everybody else seems to have this boyfriend and at the same time you can work towards something else and things that make you feel happy and excited and working towards the goal of just enjoying your own time and we just wanted to talk about that today and the negative self-talk and ways that you can be solo because I think that, you know, you and I have just really thrived doing that. Yeah. And we crowdsourced on Instagram. What's something that you didn't wait for a partner to do, you know, as big as

buying a house or having a kid or as small as just going to a new restaurant you wanted to try or going to a movie that you want to see by yourself. And I think that, I mean, I'm speaking now from a standpoint of being in a relationship, but I'm also in a long-distance relationship. So I I'm not with that person all the time, but I was single forever, you know. So this has been the story of my life a lot and wanting to do things and wanting to have a full life. And we have a lot of girlfriends too, but there's times when they're not available, you know. And there's these things where you're like, I just pictured this with a partner. Like even if it's something, like I just want to go to the farmer's market on a Sunday or something like that.

And the ideal situation might be that I just want to be with a partner where we can just be spontaneous. We wake up on Sunday. We do these things. But it's like if that's not your reality, it shouldn't stop you from doing them. It shouldn't stop you from doing them alone or calling up a girlfriend and doing them. And then if none of your girlfriends or your friends are available, then that still shouldn't hold you back from doing something that you want to do. I like that you said that, you know, you do sort of take a beat and acknowledge, like,

this does suck. I have to do this for myself. But then still go do the thing. Yeah. And I've never been disappointed. I went and did a thing. I've never felt embarrassed. I was alone.

I think the people praise you for it more often than not. It's your own negative self-talk that's stopping you from doing that. We always say, like, nobody looks at you across a room and thinks like, oh, my God, what a loser. Everybody's in their own head thinking, do I look fat? Do I look bad? Am I having fun? Am I talking too much? Am I too loud?

Like, everyone's in their own main character energy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but it isn't easy to do stuff alone. I mean, you'll talk about your trip and things like that. But just going to dinner. I mean, I'm thinking of when we were in London and you were already there, but I got there. and I really wanted to go to this restaurant, this Indian restaurant, our friends had recommended

and I could have come and met up with you, but instead I went to this Indian restaurant by myself. I would have preferred to be with my boyfriend, who's also Indian, who would appreciate the experience or you or anyone else, not alone. It was a very date-like place. It was all couples in there at the whole restaurant. It was almost funny that it was all couples. And then me, just sitting in a two-top, sandwich in between two couples. I did the tasting menu, full send.

And even I who, I am in a relationship. I'm 40 years old. Like I do stuff by myself. I've been doing stuff by myself for so long. Like I even felt a little like, this is not, it's not my dream. But I wanted to go to that restaurant and I don't have any regrets. I mean, no one that decided to do something solo that they wanted to do. I mean, I'm sure there's exceptions to every role.

But for the most part, people don't regret it. I mean, people come to our shows alone. And they're always like, I can't imagine if they hadn't have come. You know, they make friends and they have a great time. And, you know, like you said, it's no one's ever sitting around judging you. When I was in Boston, we were at Barcelona. like a packed restaurant I love a Barcelona and there was Saturday night

and you know packed place this girl was just at the end of the bar alone just enjoying herself knowing her game to meet her and we looked at her not judging her but in a way of like good for her that is a bad bitch we'll go to restaurants and their brother themselves Saturday night. So sexy to me. Yeah. Oh my God I love it

but I think this self-talk seeps in of like everybody has a teammate and I don't everybody has an adventure buddy and I don't why does everybody get this thing and I don't and you know I could go do all these things if I has me to do with and I have all these ideas, but I don't have me to like do these things with. And that has been my reality for like a couple years now. I mean, I'm thankful that you are more of a partner to me, like, not a romantic partner,

but like you and I just do so much stuff together. And I've cultivated a big friend group. But yeah, there are those days where you just like want to go do something spontaneous and you're just like, no one's around, everyone with their fucking boyfriend. You look on social media. Everybody looks so happy. Yeah. And you're just like, I want what they have so badly and I don't have it.

And I think it's important to remember, of course, not a hot take, but like on social media, not everything is as I see. and people really hype up what things are. I mean, some people are actually just happy and it's genuine, but some people hype it up. And then I think a good exercise for me when I start being like, everybody has this thing I want and I don't have it and I want it so bad. It's thinking like, well, what do they have and do I actually want it?

So like what they have is a teammate to do stuff with. And I can either replace that personally with my own time because I enjoy myself or with a friend. And do I want what they have? You know, I look at other people's relationships. There's some that I emulate in terms of how my friends are being treated by their partners. And I love that they are happy. But I don't necessarily want other people's problems. You know, I want criminal problems.

Yeah. You know, and I think that most people around me have found the thing that fits for them and the partner that fits for them. But I don't want that partner and I don't want those problems. And so you can say to yourself like, well, they have to deal with a world of problems too. And lots of issues come with every partner and everything's hard and being alone is hard and being with people is hard. And, you know, just because somebody finds a partner doesn't believe that, like, the race is over, you know, there's tons of compromise that comes with a partner that you never need to have when you're solo. Right. Never need to compromise.

Well, and chances are, you know, especially if you're young, like, those people are going to break up. And then they're going to be back in their single era. And then you might have a partner. Like, all these things just ebb and flow and change and people go in and out of different phases in their life. You know, like, I know sometimes it can feel like, okay, but right now, like, I'm the only. single girl, you know, and it just won't be like that forever. And nothing's forever, you know, and your time will come. And I know that sounds like just a cliche statement, but it is true, you know, like things that feel so terrible in the moment. Like, I know this sounds just like a

mom, big sister thing to say, but like, you'll look back on and be like, oh, that wasn't, it wasn't that deep. You know? And I have to tell myself all the things that I do get to do and do get to have. And like, there's a lot of really nice things about not having a board. I don't want a man in this house all the time. I like the house looking at all times like no one lives here. Like it's never been lived in. My house is so clean. I don't have to feed anybody and make plans for them and like keep them alive essentially. I don't have to do that for another person. And that's nice for me. Yeah. And I just don't really have to make a lot of compromises. And when I do find a partner, I've found that I easily slip into that. It's not so hard and rigid for me. But in a moment, I'm enjoying not having to do

those things. Yeah. Well, let's talk about like how you do stuff like this if you're not a person that second nature to you, you know? I think that like baby steps are good. Not everybody's going to like get in the car and take a two-day trip by themselves. Yeah. You know, like go have lunch by yourself at a restaurant in the middle of the day. Lunch and brunch, great place to start. Yeah.

Weekdays, you and I've talked about this. Like weekdays feel less, way less intimidating. Totally. Listen, I think I'm like pretty top tier in terms of doing stuff solo. I don't know that I'm sitting at a restaurant alone on a Saturday night at a bar. Yeah. I mean, I think it's dope as hell if you do it. But I just, even I don't feel like that's what I want to do, you know?

I think that it does take a little bit of self-work and self-work. and self-talk thinking everybody's looking at me, but they're not. And if you're worried, bring a book, bring a magazine. I always have like something with me that I can read. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. I saw a friend of ours, Alex Bennett, who was Mean Girl Pod, and she started this media company, and she's just killing it. And we were with her at a birthday party recently and just catching up with her. But she had posted on Instagram a couple weeks ago at this point, she was just at the bar by herself. She just announced her pregnancy. So she wasn't drinking. But she was like having an app or whatever. And she was like, I love sitting at the bar by myself.

And I'm sure she does. I mean, she is like super confident. But it made me think even if you don't, just convince yourself that you do. Like really just fake it till you make it. It is like sexy and independent. And I was thinking like you can become who you want at any time. You know, if you're sitting, you're saying like, but I'm not a person who does go to a bar and sit alone.

I'm not a person who takes trips alone. I'm not a person who does this stuff. Who says who? Like you can decide at any time. who you want to be and then just be that person. Like this isn't like a full reinvention of your personality, which you can also do too. But you can decide like,

but today I am. Today I am someone that goes and does this stuff alone. Or today I am someone that does this thing that I thought I wanted to do with a romantic partner and I'm going to go do it with a girlfriend or whoever or family member. Or again, just go it alone or with your dog or whatever it is. Like you can just decide to reframe things and think about them differently and be that person and just convince yourself that you are. I agree. And if you do it long enough, you will be that person.

Yes, exactly. Pride that you get when you're just like, I did this on my own. And it was uncomfortable and not everybody could do this. And I did it. And I remember when my, like, fiance and I broke up, but I'd never traveled anywhere. And I really felt this sense of, like, sadness that I'd just never gone anywhere. I'd never been to Europe. I've never been to London, which is part of the UK.

Just so you guys know, I know it's not Europe. I had never really been anywhere. And so I just started planning these trips. The first trip I ever took was, I think London, Paris, and maybe Madrid. And, like, I did that on my own. I navigated it. I booked all the flights in the hotels and I was in my late 20s

and I just was so proud. The sense of pride that I felt that I like did all this by myself. I planned it by myself. I mapped it by myself. And I had taken so many trips to my ex where I was also responsible for everything and that was very frustrating.

Whereas being responsible for everything by myself made me feel really proud and I could do anything I wanted all the time without checking it with anybody. And yeah, I wasn't somebody that ever traveled by myself but then it was like, says who you can. Exactly.

So by the time I met you, years later, that's how I think of you as a woman who was traveled a lot by herself, like, where you're like, okay, but I didn't used to be. It's like, but now you are. You know, and I think that's just personal growth. And I think that doing things that may feel scary or intimidating, just help you grow and be more confident. You're able to love yourself more, trust yourself more and rely on yourself. And I think all those things are attributed to leading you to be the person that you want to be in a relationship, you know, someone that is confident and secure and loves themselves. I think that personal, growth is so important and something to always make sure that you're recognizing and being proud of in yourself. Like I think those little moments where you're like, I did this thing that I wouldn't have done last year or last week or five years ago. You know, and I do that now and I have grown. I think patch yourself in the back all the time. You know, like these things are shaping who you are. Like every single time you do something, that's the even slightest bit scary or intimidating. it is personal growth and it is like shaping the person that you are becoming. I mean, it's true.

I really, I just really believe that. I've been thinking a lot about like after having tinks on the show last week and reading her book these like very small mindset shifts of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of being like I can't do these things because I'm single, you say like I get to do these things because I'm single. And like,

I remember when I went to Southeast Asia for the first time. I decided that I was going tomorrow. And I just booked a flight and went. And I didn't have to wait on a partner to take off work or figure out how they were going to get the money to do something like that. I was just like, this is this thing that's important to me. I have the time all of a sudden and I'm just going to go. And like I got to do that because I was by myself. And I do think I've changed my life a lot as I've gotten older and I've really built a lot more female friendships in.

And I like traveling with friends a lot now too. But I did not let it stop me from anything. And now it is who I am. And I'm like so proud of it. Right. Exactly. Like you turn into the person that you aspire to be. And we're talking a lot about doing.

a solo, but it's the same with doing stuff with friends that you'd picture doing with a partner, you know? And like I said, you pictured doing this thing with a partner, but just picture a different way now. You know, like, reframe it. You're in charge of your own life and the way that you think about things in the first place. And I think sometimes these things can feel a little cringe, like something minor. Like, I just want to go to this farmer's market and the way that I pictured it was walking hand in hand with my partner. Well, again, just set it up with a girlfriend. And I think sometimes you're like, I'm really going to text a girlfriend. Like, do you want to go to the the farmer's market in two weeks. Yeah. Who cares? You know, like, plan ahead. You know, you might have

thought these things were just going to fall into your lap and be spontaneous, but sometimes you might just have to do a little more planning, do a little more outreach, you know, make a list of things that you want to do. Like, I think it's always important. Rain and I do this too, especially since moving to L.A., like, have your list of things you want to do locked and loaded. So when you have an opportunity to get together with a girlfriend or a colleague or whatever it may be, you're like, okay, well, let's go here. like this was on my list. I feel a sense of that too. Like there's so many places I want to go in L.A. we haven't been to where I felt like that in New York. And it's like, just make a list in your phone as corny as you may think that feels or as cringes that feels and just work through it,

getting those things done without a partner. I have two big lists on my phone. I mean, everything I want to do in L.A. and I like categorized it like restaurants that everybody's been to that I haven't been to yet, new restaurants, just cultural things I've never been to that I want to check out and like trips I want to take. And my other list is my L.A. friends. you just forget sometimes. Like sit down and make a list of the friends and the people that you know in your life. And you might even be like forgetting about some people. And I think all the time about like making new friends and how I've done that sometimes.

And like Grace Atwood, who is like an Instagram blogger. And she's somebody that I think you met first. And we were on her podcast years ago. Her and I and you have been friends for a long time now. But I met her very briefly and she mentioned that she really liked art, I think. And I saw that this art festival was coming to New York. And I like barely knew her. But I just like sent her in a message on Instagram was like,

this is weird, but you want to like go to this thing with me? Or I've been great friends ever since. And like you might just forget that you have those like people, even acquaintances just in like your pocket because you're just like, I don't, would somebody really want to do this with me? It's like, yeah, she said she likes art. So I'll message her. Yeah. I'm starting to feel like we're losing some friends. Like I'm starting to feel a little anxious about it. Like there was this point here where we're like, we have too many friends. Like we just have would have these weekends where all we did was hang out with like four different groups of friends, you know. And it's always, Rain and I, we have all the same friends here. And a couple people have moved away. And. And a couple people have moved away. A lot of pregnancies. Yeah, we had a friend that got pregnant. So she's going to be out for a little bit. And then, you know, Alyssa's gone for the summer. And, you know, like a handful of people have just moved. And, you know, I don't think this like era is over.

But I'm like, we got to restock. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Start submitting applications. Right. So we're telling that to Alex Bennett. I was like, auditions are open or.

Yeah. The positions available. Yeah. We have positions available. Yeah. It's so funny. Well, I've said this for so many years. But, like, if you want more friends.

in your life. I always just think you should say yes to everything and try to go to events. In L.A., I love the Canber app for finding stuff to do here. And I also love Timeout. It's always segmented by different cities. So Timeout will have everything to do in L.A. music, art, food-wise. I like Eater.com. So Eater has an L.A. section as every city for restaurant openings. And I would check these websites and just find stuff to do and just everything people ask you, like you just say yes. And I have found a lot of friends through that. And unfortunately, it can be a little uncomfortable and annoying for the time being. I hate doing stuff.

I hate living the house. But I've made a lot of friends through just saying yes to everything. Yeah, totally. I think that like, you know, there's two buckets. You know, you should make more single friends.

Say yes to everything. Go do that. And then find other ways to just enjoy your own company. I've tried to really do both. And I think I do a good job with both. But yeah, I go to the farmer's market all the time.

We actually have like a friend who that's a couple. I go with them like most weekends. I meet them there. I see them for like 20 minutes. I read a lot. I take walks. I go to the beach.

I take day trips. Afternoon movies. I go to afternoon movies a lot by myself. Good way to ease in, too, because we're talking about going to stuff at off-peak times. I think that's a great way to ease into that solo life is not going on day night, you know, or Saturday night at the bar. You know, it is doing stuff on like that more off-peak hours. Definitely.

And then I've just been feeling been getting served a lot of like home improvement TikToks and Instagrams recently. And like, I'm really into like wood benches and like wood tables and things like that. And if you go on like Etsy, if you shop like a custom wood bench, can be like thousands of dollars. But like you could just go to Home Depot and learn how to make one yourself. Make it. Yeah.

And I've been like seeing so much of this online recently. It probably because I like clicked on two and now I get a thousand of them. But like home improvement projects, nothing makes me more excited finding like new art, new cheap frames. I mean, there's nothing you can't find on Amazon for your house. Yeah. I mean, I also think that a lot of times as women, you know, myself included, we can be like, you can't do that. You need to like have a man to do it or hire a task grab it.

Listen, it's not that hard. Get yourself a little drill. I got this cute pink drill. I'm so excited to drill all the time. You've got to figure out how to find a stud and do the stud finders and all the stuff. But like, it's not hard. Like, just look on YouTube. Men do it.

Yeah. Boys do it. You know? We can do it. Like, you feel really empowered when you do those little things around the house. And again, there's also a point where you're like, no, like, I don't want to do that. Time is money. I'm going to hire somebody to do it.

But it depends on how much money you have and all those kinds of factors. So I do think doing those things is empowering as well. and then you do get a partner and then you do stop doing them. Oh yeah, I'm not to Lulu. I'm not doing that stuff after I find the partner. No, like people, it's very like crazy. I think there's this whole thing. What are meant for?

Right. You know, they have to feel needed too. That's how relationships survive. Yeah, I'm like, I don't know how do you pour a coffee into a cup? I think I would ever take out the trash if I lived with my partner. No, that's his job. Yeah, I have a list of how I'm sure. I can break down these boxes.

I can take the trash out. Absolutely not. Every time Sparkleys came when I lived in my West Hollywood house and he was there on Sunday night, which was usually, he's doing the trash. He's out there handling it. Like, yeah, I've been doing it alone, but now you're here. Yeah, I'm taking a break from that. Yeah. Like, listen, I'll do all these things alone and I love it and I'm very happy being single. But the minute a man walks in this door, I have a list of home. Yeah, you turn it. Improvement projects on my phone. I think people are listening, like, okay, but I learn I'll do this

stuff and then why do I need a man? No, no, no, then you just, you buy yourself some time. You don't have to do it anymore. Just you be drinking rosé, they're doing the stuff. Yeah, you could do it. That's not the point. No, you have to make them feel needed. Or you can keep doing it if you want. I like text to your boyfriend about car stuff.

I was like, my engine lights on. I don't know why. I need help. I mean, I could have Googled it myself. I have this fire pit that I bought and I like haven't figured out how to like plug it in. But like a man could do it. Like, I could do it. I'm just like, I'll probably FaceTime Rob and have him tell me how to do it.

You guys know how we feel. We think that women are just capable of men of doing like all the same. stuff and more. But, you know, just, why? Manual labor, just this, they can do that. They need to feel needed. I am more capable than anybody, all men. But yeah, I just, I'm happy for them to come in here and do it. Yeah.

A lot of stuff came up when we asked on Instagram, like stuff that you didn't wait for someone to do. And people took it and interpret it in different ways, but I liked a lot of the handy stuff, like the home renovations, like little stuff about your car. Like, you know, if you want to learn a change of tire, go all the way off. But, you know, checking your oil and doing

things like that, you know, you do feel empowered when you do those things. One thing that came up a lot was getting a dog. And I want to speak on a couple things with that. Like, having a dog really does feel like you're doing something not alone. I mean, I spend a lot of time with just as old, like doing stuff. You know, like I would say most weekends when I'm here, we'd go in a hike or we do something. Like, that's an activity I'm doing with my dog. It is like a partner. I mean, I know it's an animal, but I know not everybody, I don't know, has the time or the resources. I mean, of course, I don't want anybody to get a dog if they feel like they can't, like, give it a good life. But I mean, I got a dog when I was just like young and

broke, and I figured it out. And it really does enhance your life in that way. And I think the best thing to do is get a dog without a partner. So you don't have to worry about what to do when you break up. And, you know, I know people get worked up about this. And we talked about it with Morgan of just like sharing custody and stuff like that. But I think that regardless, it sucks to share a dog with your ex. Like, I think the best case scenario for you as a listener, if you're listening and you're considering it a dog, is that you get a dog that is your dog that is your dog forever no matter who comes along, you know. So I think it's even better to not wait for a partner to get a dog. You know, I think you want to be able to care for it on your own. But anyway,

we just saw that come up a lot, actually. And I just love that. Of course, you know how I feel. And I've had dogs for so long now and just I couldn't love them more. And I'm, you know, such an advocate of rescuing. And so I think that that really creates a lot of activities for you, too, if that's something you were considering. I mean, so much of my time is, like, Azul and I going to the beach or going on a hike. You get so much attention. Yeah, there's that too. Like you just, you're attracted a lot more people because that's people's end to talk to you. People aren't just like looking at you like, oh my God, I go so alone. It's like, I get to talk to this person now. Yeah. But it is, I mean, if you really don't like the feeling of being like alone,

you're not. You're with your dog, you know. So I'm not saying to use it as a cross. but I just, I spend a lot of time, me and his old. And a lot came up of women buying homes without a partner. I think that that is something that like we really do hold off until the very last month. Obviously, it's really nice to split that down payment with somebody. But how, what an empowering, amazing thing to be able to do that for yourself. It's truly incredible. Yeah. I mean, it's like, I hate that this is 2024 and we even talk about it like it's rare, you know, or not the norm. But it's not as much, you know. And so I still think it's like, dope as hell. Like I think it is so, so incredible. I mean, I haven't done it. I'm not waiting for

someone to do it, but it's something that, like, I haven't really done yet. And it's been like on my bucket list. And so I just think that it's amazing. And I really just want to lift up anyone who, you know, thought that they probably would buy that first home with a partner. And we're like, no, I'm going to buy it myself. I think that's, it's really hard. You hit that age where you feel like you are the only single friend. And you're like, I didn't think my life would turn out like this. Like I didn't know that I would have to like go to the farmer's market alone and be shopping for houses alone. But like the statistics on you being alone forever are so low. Like everybody will find somebody.

But in the case that you don't for a while, you get this house, this thing that you've done for yourself. Like it's so special. And yeah, I agree. It is so silly to be like, it's so crazy to buy a housebuyers. It is 2024. Yeah. You can go get your bag. Yeah.

Well, speaking of that, buying yourself stuff. And we saw people said, I bought myself Tiffany's jewelry. I bought myself a YSL bag. I bought myself diamond earrings. My personal story about this is I remember when I was in my 20s, maybe like mid-late 20s, I had a friend. She was a few years older than me. And she has this great marriage and family.

And I remember when she told me her husband bought her pair of lubitons. And I just thought that was so sexy. You know, just like the classic black pump, red bottoms. And I was like, I want that one day. Like I want my man to buy me this very expensive pair of like red bottom shoes. And why am I feeling emotional about this? And then I just bought them for myself. and it was so much better than someone buying them for me.

Why am I getting weirdly emotional about this? We did a whole thing when I bought my first pair. We talked about it. It was like a huge moment for me. Yeah. For some reason, Lubitans feel like this like one thing that like your man just gets you. Yeah.

They're sexy and they're like ridiculously overpriced. Exactly. $800 pair of pat mother shoes. It's crazy. And they are nothing's more uncomfortable on planet Earth. Well, I have the booties. Mine were more comfortable than the stuff. But anyway.

I bought like just like the classic. plastic patent leather. They're so tight, you feel like you're going to throw up while you're walking. And it was a huge moment in my life when I got to just like do that for myself. I know. I'm glad you like shared that sentiment. Like I did not feel sad that this isn't how I picture it. I felt the complete opposite. I was like, I'm a bad bitch about these red bottoms for myself and my Cardi B. You know, like I really felt empowered. Like it meant so much more. It really does. And then I just was like, yeah, I like gifts. Who doesn't?

You know, but I'm a woman that buys that shit for herself. And I'm glad to be her. Yes, I agree with you. And I went to Santa Barbara. I stayed at the Ritz-Carlton. It is a very expensive hotel. I stayed during the week. So it is obviously less money.

But, I mean, it is a special occasion place, the Ritz Carlton and Santa Barbara. It was wall-to-wall couples. There's nobody there. There was in a couple except for me. But I was like, I just bought this for myself. I just paid for a night at the Ritz Carlton all alone. Like, good for nobody to give that to me.

and I get the money from like my dad or my boyfriend. Like I just did that. And I was like very proud that I just did that for me. Yeah. A lot of stuff like that came up. I mean, even just buying yourself flowers like hot take, Miley, you know, you can buy yourself your flowers, your king bed, you know. And I mean, don't get me starting the king bed.

I mean, I think that's manifesting too if you want someone to be in your bed, you know. Buy a big one. Buy a big one. Make space, you know, literally. But you don't have to wait on that too. You know, you want a big king bed to roll around. around and by yourself, get it for yourself. Like, you should never feel held back.

Like, you don't want to live your life waiting for someone to let you live your life. Go off. I like that quote. Thanks. But so much solo travel stuff, so much, like, moving stuff, moving to another country. I love this one so much because this speaks to me. But someone said, I always dreamed of a safari honeymoon at 33 and single. I said, fuck it and went.

I love that. Yes, go off. I mean, nobody believes in solo travel more than me. I love it so much. Yeah. And then one, I wanted to touch on and then we can run through the list and see what we left off, but was coming, having an orgasm, didn't have to wait for somebody. I gave myself one this morning. I think this is real, because you might be, especially if you're one of our younger listeners who's like, you haven't had an orgasm ever, maybe, and you thought a man was going to do it.

You better be able to do that. Let's take the whole topic out of it. No, that's not going to happen. It doesn't matter. You could have a boyfriend and you're still got to do that for yourself. I know tons of people have boyfriends that never have orgasms. So the things, those don't translate. Yeah, I read this quote that I liked a lot and it said being single doesn't mean missing out on life and being in a relationship doesn't translate to having everything that you want.

Oh, I love that. Ooh. So, you know, I think that we really do get in our heads about like being alone and I don't have me to do this and everybody else has what I want. And I did kind of like make some notes also about like the way that you can start to feel about your friends because you're just like everybody is this thing that I want. And am I not a part of their lives and the social circle anymore because they have this thing? And people don't stop being your friends because they are in a relationship. And it is really in your own head. And people will think of you how you speak about yourself.

So yeah, if you say like, I'm single and I hate it, I'm so downtrodden. And like people will think of you as that. But like, no one's ever really talked to me like that because I don't talk about myself like that. I love being single. I love my life. I hope to find a partner. I'm not delusional enough to think like I would just love to be alone forever. Like I would love the intimacy of a partner.

Nothing gives you a high like that. I would love to have more sex. Those things are great, but I really like my life now. And so the door is not open to, like, feel sorry for me. Like, none of my friends have ever treated me, like, let me give you some advice about how to be as good as I am. They treat you like you treat yourself. They talk about you the way you talk about yourself.

Like, you always say that. Like, people will think of you the way that you speak about yourself. Yeah, exactly. And I think it's nice, actually, to have friends around me that are in really nice, healthy relationships because I think there's so much noise online about how bad dating has gotten and how terrible everybody is. and you sent me this article about how selfish dating has gotten. We want to do an episode about that.

But it has gotten really bad, I think, in some corners of the world dating. And TikTok can make you think that everything's terrible. And it's a good reminder that there are great people out there that will treat you really well and that there are healthy, normal, long-term, thriving relationships. And I like seeing my friends in those type of scenarios because it reminds me that it's possible. Yes. And it reminds you that it's happening in your circle. Like I said this before, like when you want to get jealous or envious.

And I don't say that in a negative way. everybody feels those feelings. You know, when you want something that people have that are in, it hits close to home because people that are close to you, your actual friends, not just people on the internet. But it means that it's happening in your orbit. So you're next. You know, you could be. And so I think it's just inspiring when it is your close circle of friends. Instead of thinking of it is like, oh, it's everybody in my close circle of friends. It's like, well, I mean, I must be next. And just because you have a partner doesn't mean they're going to do this stuff with you. You know, like you should get used to. doing stuff solo or with your friends because I don't know you could end up in a relationship that's long distance like you know we're talking with our friend brittany hockley who lives in australium and she's in this wonderful loving relationship she hasn't seen him in five months they've like a really serious long distance relationship or it will be five months by the time she sees them and then a lot of people interpreted the instagram question as like not waiting on your partner that you have so it doesn't mean they're going to do stuff i mean i saw stuff like

that these are people in relationships that still were like i had to do it myself or how to do it alone. You know, like there's no guarantees. Oh, I mean, there's stuff, a lot of like building furniture, putting together the other baby stroller, you know, putting together. She said, one woman said, installed the dishwasher. My husband and assistant, we didn't need one, you know, what we did. Went to this restaurant.

Like, my partner couldn't come. Like, different things like that. I mean, went to a strawberry patch to pick strawberries. Like, I mean, some of these things are, it was clear they had a partner. Went to therapy on my own because he wouldn't go with me. I mean, these are people in relationships that are still like, I want to do this thing and my partner's not doing it with me. And I like people that don't make their relationship, their entire personality.

You know, like, it's nice to have outlets and hobbies outside of your primary relationship. You talk about that with your parents all the time and how they have this, like, thriving social life outside of each other. And it is just nice to build your own life outside of that. Yeah. And then you're not so dependent on somebody. Right. You're not just like, I can't get out of this. Right.

Like one says I started hiking. I was so scared at first, but I didn't have any friends and my boyfriend wouldn't go. So I went. You know, this is our view on relationships and every single expert we've had on. I mean, what makes you more attractive to a potential partner is that you have this really full, rich life and things that you're excited about and things to talk about and you're an interesting person. And the only way you get to be that type of person is by having interest in hobbies, doing these things, traveling, you know, cooking, going to museums, like, whatever it is that you're into. You've got to do that stuff. Otherwise, again, you're just this, like, boring person who's, like, sitting around waiting for a partner to live your life. I, people who date me and you are so lucky. I'm so good at so many things. I can like cook and I have all these friends and I have interest in hobbies and like I'm

proud that like when I meet somebody that I really love that I get to like fold them into that. It feels really nice to say like I can provide all these like really nice fun like additions to your life. I feel really like great about that. I have these nice friends you get to meet and these hobbies and interest I can introduce you to and new cuisines. Not the new cuisines.

Wait, was that on an episode or was that? I think it was a Tyler Cameron. He was laughing at me. Or was it just in a conversation? No, I think it was with Saw Hill. It's an episode coming up. Yes. But was it on air?

Well, stay tuned. We'll let you guys know. But I just, I feel proud that I've taken advantage of the time that I'm solo to build a life. I'm really proud of. We say this all the time. I don't think that's easy all the time or comfortable. But like, what other choice do I have? So I've made it my mission to have traveled to a lot of places and built these friendships.

And like, the person that dates me is so lucky you just get that. And it's what you look for in another person. So why wouldn't you want to become that type of person, too? Because then what? You're going to be a person who hasn't really done all these things and you're just waiting around to fold yourself into someone else's life and then all their interests and hobbies and where they want to travel and what they want to eat and all that that becomes your set of interest. You know, like we always say we want a partner who has stuff going on and has hobbies and interests. And so why wouldn't you want to be that person and yourself? And again, if you're not with a partner, you've got to do that yourself. So maybe we close with this email we got. So when we asked on Instagram, some people emailed and this one just really stuck out. Do you want me to read it? I never want to read it ever. Okay. Leave that in.

Okay. So she says, hi, Ashley and Raina, long time fan here. I started listening in 2019 shortly after I went through a divorce and you guys were the voices of reason and hope through the years of dating that followed. Words of wisdom from these bros ain't loyal and how to survive a breakup like right now. still live rent-free in my head to this day. Those are so old. Those are 2018 episodes. I love that. Classics. Anyway, I got into an awful on-again, off-again relationship after my divorce. And when that finally ended, I said, fuck it. I'm living the life. I want to live right now. I lived in Omaha, Nebraska at the time. I wonder why dating wasn't working out for me, L.O.L. But I'd always wanted to

live in the downtown area of a city. I picked myself up, moved to Minneapolis, where my big sister lives, got a dope apartment in the middle of downtown, adopted a dog, and started traveling with my friends. I think by finally succumbing to that, I don't need a man to have the life I want attitude. I really unintentionally manifested some of the absolute best things in my life at that time, including my gem of a boyfriend. We've been together two years now. I used to believe that there was a correct order to do things and that finding the right partner had to come before I could figure the rest out. I'm so glad I took the leap and started doing the things I wanted for me.

I know it sounds corny as hell, but I truly cannot discount the role you guys played in helping me become a brave bitch. Truly, I appreciate you both so much. Can't wait to see you guys in Minneapolis. in November, all my love. It's not corny. I love her. I love her so much. She just wrapped up this whole episode.

Like, it's just the fact that she really just felt that way. I mean, so many people feel this way. You're like sitting around and waiting because you had this order in your head or you had the script of your life that you thought was going to play out. And whoever gets that. You know what I mean? Like, life doesn't work out the way you think it's going to a lot of the time. And I think even if you get it, it can end.

You know, I think my mom thought, you know, in my mom. mom married my dad, he's this big family, he's Jewish, he made money. I mean, it all went away. You know, even if you find it, it can go away. And so it's important to, like, have a job that you love and friends that you love and a support system. And my mom had a full-time job and tons of interest and hobbies and tons of friends. It had been her friends for 40 years. And, like, I do think about my mom because, like, you know, her aspiration, of course, was to get married, and have this big Jewish family and a big house. And she lost everything in an instant. And she still had all these other things to fall back on. And that's really nice. And it helps you to not

I feel like you have to settle also. You know, I think a lot of people are just like, well, I don't really have anything going on. So I'll just pick this partner. And it stops you from having to do that as well. Well, thank you to her. And we can't wait to see her in Minneapolis. We love Minneapolis so much. I love this because, like, you know, she lived in Nebraska and was like, I want to live in a city.

And to a lot of people, a city like New York is not for everybody. And it feels like crazy hard and intimidating. Like she went to Minneapolis, which is like a dope-ass city. We are obsessed with it. We can't wait to be back there. And like, now she's like living her dream life. I love it. So we'll see her there.

And of course, you guys, all the other cities, the No Crumbs Tour. It's on sale now. Girls Gotta Eat.com. Get your tickets. We can't wait to see all of you. And shout out to the girl who sent me the original DM. I'm sure that by now I've responded to you. Just for inspiring this and for always just putting things that are so vulnerable in writing

and sending them off to a stranger, trusting us with something like that. It is a huge honor. Yeah. So we love you guys. As always. And of course, you know where to find us, Girls Got to Eat.com. That is going to be all the tickets for the nocrums. tour starting in September.

Girls Got to Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is ranna. com. And Vibes Only. Enter that giveaway at vibes only.com slash giveaway and follow on Instagram at vibes only. And YouTube, subscribe, share this episode with a friend.

Get out there and live your life. Don't wait around for nobody. Go off. Have a good week, guys. Bye.