Girls Gotta Eat - Election Feelings + Should I F*ck My Contractor?

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

We're sharing our thoughts and feelings about the election, but still want to provide you with some comic relief and advice during a tense week. We're recapping our recent travels, Andrew Collin's wedding, our new favorite food city, the importance of spending one-on-one time with friends and family, and more unhinged things that happened on flights. Rayna shares the latest on her new home and which hot contractor she should hire, and then we answer listener emails (one of which is also about f*cking your contractor). Others include: "Should I fire my maid-of-honor?" and "Help, my boyfriend won't stop dressing like me!" We hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Embark: Get $65 off Embark's Breed + Health test and free shipping at https://embarkvet.com with code GGE. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at http://article.com/gge. Boll and Branch: Get 25% off and free shipping on your first set of sheets at https://bollandbranch.com/gge. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/GGE. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who doesn't want to fuck a contractor? They're hot, they're masculine, they're doing good work. They improved your home. How many men come into your home and improve it? Exactly. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys. Hi, guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Election Eve. I'm nervous. You look unwell. That's not nice? No, like, we're just fucked up. Well, that's because I have to go home for 17 days.

No, not because I just, tensions are high. It's because I'm so skinny. I feel like I'm really good at compartmentalizing almost to a fault. Like, you for weeks have been like, I'm really anxious, I'm really stressed. I can't spiral about this. And I feel like I sort of like put it in a box. Like, I feel like any problem in my life, I address it as much as I can and I put it in a box. And I have, the box is open.

I don't think I've been letting it consume me. You know, I try to disqual. associate sometimes. But yeah, I have those moments where I feel really anxious and if I'm having anxiety about anything else, then it compounds. Yeah. And then I'm like worried about something else. And then I'm like, oh, loss of the world might be ending. No, I'm not trying to be a doomsday. I don't know. We'll talk about it today and just maybe try to how to self-care and calm your nerves as things play out over the next couple days. But we want this episode to be light and fun. We will talk a little a little bit about the election up top, and we're going to read a listener email and give some

advice, but we really wanted it to be a bit of a respite. Yeah, we planned a fun episode this week for you. So it's going to be a little bit of a grab bag. We have some of your emails, which we know you guys always want more listener emails. Some of you. You guys request them from time to time. Yeah. Some you might hate it. We don't know. No, you guys sent amazing email. So we've compiled a whole bunch of really fun and funny ones, a lot of advice. And so hopefully this would be like a nice break from the election cycle for you. Let's just take a couple of our partners and we're going to jump right in. Thanks to article, get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com and thanks to RocketMoney.com and thanks to RocketMoney.com.

And thank you to Embark. New partner gets $65 off and Barks Breed and Health Test and free shipping at EmbarkVet.com with code GGE and Boland Branch get 25% off and free shipping on your first set of sheets at bolandbranch.com slash GGE. And thank you to Quince, get free shipping, and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com slash GGE. So we've had like a crazy couple weeks. We were in New York. You went two days ahead of me to go to a concert. We did the infatuation live show. Thanks for you guys. If you came, then we spent the week in New York. We recorded with Scott Galloway. We went to Andrew Collins wedding. We went to Florida for the wedding. Truly one of the

most fun weddings we've been to. That was so fun. And we were responsible for it. Yeah. They met thanks to this show. I feel like none of people thanked us in the speeches. No one thanked us. No one brought us up. So, no, we, we love them, but, you know, they owe us. No, I'm kidding. They're just truly the best couple. We just, we love them so much. I feel like a wedding is very representative of, like, the couple and how wonderful they are. So it just couldn't have been more perfect. We had the best time. They're the absolute best. And we got to just hang out with so many people we love. Yes, like Taylor Stracker and Taylor Donner, Hugh, her wife, all former guests of the show, Nikki Glazer, of course.

And then we went back north. You went to Delaware. I went to New York. And then we did shows in Portland and Philly. And we spent an extra day in Portland just having a time with Tesla a little vacation. I mean, and per usual, my body just like fully gave out on that Sunday. I was just cough and sneeze city. My body gave out halfway through, which I have not been sick in so long.

I've been doing so well. My immune system has been really at its peak. performance. And in New York, I got that tickle in my throat. And I was like, oh, no. And then I went to Whole Foods. I got a bunch of my immune stuff. I had my bee pollen. I was, like, really getting after it. And then I just got like the sniffles and like got a cold. And that kind stuck with me throughout the rest of trip because I never really got to rest. What did you say to me yesterday. What a boring day. I hate it back in LA. I love living like that. I love being busy. I love being around people. You know, it's all I care about. This two and a half weeks for me was

so crazy. It was nonstop. I was at the Philadelphia airport five times. I was like, I live in this fucking airport. It is not my favorite airport. It's fine. My favorite airport's Boston. LaGuardia. LaGuardia and Boston. But I was like, I'm at this airport so fucking much. And now we're in Maine. And then we were in Florida. Like, I've traveled for two weeks, I think. Like, I don't know. We went to Europe, but something about this felt different because the amount of stuff, it was like, show, another show, wedding, seeing my family. I sent stuff back to California with UPS twice. No, it was crazy. My dad just like sent me stuff back. My mom had to bring some of my Halloween costume to the show. Like, everything was so planned out. And I had a document I was working off of because I was like mostly on American, but sometimes on a different airline.

It was crazy. I got brand new American status from this past two and a half weeks. And also, we just got to talk about American because I had. have been saying this for years, and Raina finally understood how there's no rules on American and they don't give a fuck. I had a crazy flight. I had a crazy flight from Philly to L.A.X. That's specific route. Philly flight attendants American are, like, in a league of their own.

We talk about this all the fucking time. But I don't know if you guys have this experience. We fly American and Delta most of the time. American, they do not make you follow those rules. They don't care if your bags under the seat. They don't care if your seats recline when you land. They don't care. Delta, like, I've had flight attendants not walk away.

that's, that bag is all the end of the seat. There's this one flight attend. I've had her twice. She will not let me have my little purse on my lap. She won't let me have my phone out. Like, she will stand there, arms crossed. Like, they are so crazy. American, they do not care.

What happened to you? Two things happened that were so insane. Actually, three. I didn't even have it thrown on. So the first one is they're closing the boarding doors. And this guy comes over the speaker and he's like, just letting you know, we'll be closing the boarding doors in 10 minutes to go to L.A. So if you don't want to go there, now would be the time.

And I was like, what? And then, so the guy sitting next to me was like an older gentleman, he stared at the back of the seat, no screen, six hours. Because the American doesn't believe in screens. Never closed his eyes. Stared at the seat. Didn't look out the window. I've never seen anything like it my whole fucking life. It was crazy.

And then he was like, cut him. He was going through something. So I did not have the window seat, which was like first time in my life. That guy had the window seat. Yeah. And the shades up or down. First half shades up. Okay.

It was psychotic. But then he, you know, realized. error of his ways. After four hours. Put them down. It's okay. Everybody can read them. So they like come over the loudspeaker and they're like, we're going to be landing the plane. So everybody like put your trade hibbles up, seats up all the shit, whatever. They tell everybody to do it. And then the flight attendants take their seats. And I don't know when we're landing. Who's to say? The shades are down. And we hit the ground. I feel us hit the ground.

My tray top is down. My laptop is on it and open. My seat is fully reclined. And my, my bag is just at my feet, not under the seat. They don't care about the bag. I have never. It's not even a leaf. It's not even a leaf. Yeah. That's crazy. By the way, guys, this is not to drag American. I love that. I'm sorry.

I love that energy. Tell me why the bag needs to be all the way under the seat. Explain it to me. We love our flight attendant girlies. I'm sure some of them are like, because safety ain't what? No. It's not going to happen. What's going to happen?

It's right at my feet. Okay, they don't make you take the water bottles off the seat that are sitting there and they're a full. I'm so crazy. Yes. There's water bottles. They don't say shit about it. Those are going to fly across the room.

And those things roll. My back's not rolling under a seat. So this just reminded me. So I boarded one of my final flights, probably like fourth out of fifth flight, out of Philly, whatever. And for some reason, I was in the window seat. The other guy was right next to me. And in between us, in between our two seats were six snacks. Two nuts, two granola bars.

and two cookies. They laid out already. I've never seen it. Sometimes a little water bottle, the little mini water bottle. Bring all the snack options. They were just there. It's just hanging out. And so he and I was like, oh, okay.

And as the plane takes off, we had to hold down the snacks. We had to hold down the fort. Like the plane is taking off. He and I are holding on to all these individual snacks. Why'd they do that? Also, this was. American, it's really to LAX. So, like, four and a half hour flight, five hour flight, about halfway through, the pilot

comes on the PA, and he's like, I need to speak to you guys. And he was like, I just need to remind you. He was like, I just need to remind you that the flight attendants are my voice in the sky. And they represent me. And you better be compliant with them. And some of you guys in the back, he was like, some of you guys in the back are not complying with the flight attendants.

And basically I will turn this plane around. Yes, no, I will turn this car around. He was literally like, and I know we all want to make it to L.A., don't we? Oh, he was like, I will crash this into a mountain. No, he was literally... We're going to the Rockies. Some of you might have to parachute out. No.

But I've never heard, like, I will land this plane if you don't behave. This is American? American. Of course, Philly American. A flight attendant. So I'm like, what is the T? I literally was thinking of trying to ask somebody a baggage claim. Like, were you back there?

What happened? I really wanted to know. And then the way he stuck the landing, it was the smoothest landing of all time. I was like, what an icon gets on there? He's like, I'll fuck y'all up. We're not going to land if you don't behave. I'll kill everybody. Just try me.

It was the smoothest landing I've had in years. Wow. Yeah. That's hysterical. He's my new, my new fave. But no, it's just, it was a lot of travel. It was a lot of flights. And I really loved this trip for so many different reasons.

I loved everything we got to do. it was just a myriad of shows and dinners and friends and family. And I just feel like a common theme for me was like really getting to spend quality one-on-one time with people that like maybe I haven't gotten to in a while or that I just really felt like I needed to. Like my sister-in-law being one, I just don't have a lot of one-on-one time with her, especially since the boys have been born. And, you know, she is in charge of them a lot.

And we're out in groups a lot. I mean, she's always there. But like, when would I be one-on-one with her now with the kids? kids, you know. So we got to kind of spend the day together and like with the boys too, but it just was really nice to have that time with her. And like, even my mom, we had some really nice alone time. She brought out her old wedding dress, which I posted on my story. It was a hot mess. It's all in different pieces. I was like, did you trash the dress? It literally, yeah, it like looks like a bed skirt. I mean, it's a hot mess. So we were laughing about that. And like, we just got some good solo time.

Because my mom has said before, I remember one time I was home, she was like, I just don't feel like we got to talk too much. And I was like, I didn't even register. We've just been in a group settings the whole time, which is also important, fun, like social time, but I just thought about that. And like in Philly, Louisa, like after brunch, I had some time to kill before I went to the airport and her and I just walked around the city. And I just had some of those moments where I was like, you really do need that with people sometimes. Like Corey's next to my list because I feel like I've not had a lone one-on-one time with her in a while. And I see all these people sometimes. And because I live in the West Coast now, it's like last time spent on the East Coast. So it's

like everyone's together. And you just don't always get that quality time. Quality time, I feel like it's my number one love language. No one understands it more than me that like all time is not quality time. And sometimes you just really need to have those moments. So I just felt like that was one of the things I love the most. I think that time like really fills my cup. And I felt really fulfilled after the trip because of some of those times.

Well, like laughing because like I think I've said this to you before. Like I feel like you and I spend a lot of time in groups, but I don't end up spending time with anybody. And because you and I aren't in a. a lot of places for long periods of time. We ended up grouping everybody together all the time. But then I just feel like I spend time with everybody and I'm spending time with no one. And like we went out to that dinner with like Merrill and Louisa and Rob and me and you. And I just felt like that whole dinner like no, like everybody took turns with the spotlight. I feel like all of our friends are good at like, you know, asking questions.

But like I end up feeling like I didn't really get a lot of time with one person. And like that's why at the end of the Dewey trip when I drive back with Louisa every year, I love that solo time with her. Like I feel really indulged with like one and one solo time with people. Yeah. And Louisa is a person who will say, I want one-on-one time with you. And she's a therapist. And she speaks the language and she understands.

But, like, I think sometimes people don't think of that. And that hit me when my mom said that to me recently. And she didn't say it like she was guilty to me or anything. She was just kind of bummed. And so I'm glad we had that. Because I had said before, like, last holiday season, I spent all this time with my dad because my mom was dealing with the baby being born and stuff like that. And I feel like that was he and I really got some time together.

And we always got a lot of solo time together because he, like, picks me up at the airport and stuff. But it was a really good trip. And my fiance came to the wedding, obviously. He came to Portland. And then he was in New York with me and we went to this concert of this artist that we love. And obviously, you and I spent so much time together. And, you know, it was nice to, like, be in Portland with Tessa for the day, kind of off the clock and spend time with her and do, like, girl time with her.

And I don't know. I just felt really fulfilled by the end of it. I just felt like, you know, my cup was full. Me too. I do feel like, really to your point, like I can spend group hangs with somebody eight or nine times. and I don't find it as like friendship building as I do about one time alone with somebody. But like you and I have somebody the same friend. So it's weird if I'm like,

I'm going to go out alone with so and so because then everybody feels like left out. Yeah. You're the only friend I actually share like every friend group with. And like like you said to me earlier like I'm going to go to lunch with Brittany tomorrow. And like I want to like respect that and I'll be like I have to come because I'm going to Paris with her next month. Yeah. And I'll have some moments sometimes with our friend Izzy who like I didn't spend one on one time with her before. We were more friends with Bobby and that's his wife.

So I feel like we're becoming closer with her as we kind of have some like solo moments with her too. And I don't know. It's just something I've been thinking about. And the shows were amazing. That was our first time in Maine. And Portland, Maine, fucking best food city, 12 out of 10. Oh my God. You have my heart so hard.

Ashley and I just, I've been there once. I went 2014. I went alone for some food blogger thing. I don't remember. But just being able to spend the day with Tesla also just like not working. And like we just planned so many fun things. You ask people for wrecks of good hikes to do. take. We took like a really nice. I don't know if it's a hike.

I wasn't wearing hiking shoes. I was wearing my Air Force ones. But Ash was like, it's called a walk. We went to a great cemetery. We had like lunch together and dinner together. We hit the great cemetery. Well, the store of the dresser had even tied, which everybody was like, you gotta go. It's the best lobster roll you'll ever have in life. I ordered two.

Yeah. The brown butter lobster roll, I ate one and I ordered another one. And we had just had the putteen at duck fat. Like I was like, I can't stop eating. It's my favorite food city. And I was like, so do you guys want to split like one or two? And you were like, we're getting all of our own and then you ordered a fourth. We just had just had the

duck putteen across the street. Like I would like not really have breakfast because I was saving up. Like I had like some berries in the morning because I was like I'm about to fucking send it. I mean I really can't recommend Portland Maine enough for like a trip especially in the fall. The pizza

like we stayed at the canopy hotel which was beautiful. We loved the bakeries there and the coffee shops and the restaurants And I don't know if it's such like a hot take, but it really is like such a special place to me. It's one of the oldest cities in America, but it still feels like modern and our audience there is so wonderful. People traveled from like New Hampshire and Vermont, Canada. Wow. What a special place.

Definitely one of the cutest towns I've ever been in. And we could not have had better rather the whole time. And then Philly was amazing, of course. We did a Halloween show in Philly. And we did something in Philly that we thought was going to stay in Philly. And we are going to do it in New York for sure. and like most likely Boston. And I'm not going to give it away.

And we shot a whole video. And I don't even think we're going to release it till like the end of the year because I don't want to give it away what we did. But we did something that we all came up with. Was it Tess's idea? Tess's idea. Tess had this idea. It involves our strippers. But it was so iconic.

Like it went off without a hitch. You and I were born to do that. Like we just coordinated this thing that was so epic. Our minds were blown. My family's minds were blown. My family's minds were blown. Like, we cannot wait to do this in New York. And again, like, hopefully in Boston too.

Yeah. So come to the shows. We have a few more until the end of the year. Girls Got to Eat.com. Yeah. And then, of course, our Western shows are coming up. We absolutely cannot wait. Denver is sold the fuck out.

But we still have some tickets to Minneapolis and Madison, Wisconsin. First time being in Madison. So come. Our outfits are going to be insane. You can dress like a cowgirl. And we can't wait to see you guys at all the shows for the rest of the year. Girls Got Eat.com. So this is coming out on November 4th.

I might have a nephew today. I don't know. Every day I'm on like baby watch. So she, my sister-in-law was due on like the 27th or the 28th. And the 28th is her birthday. I texted her. I was like, I hope you're birth today. And she's like, I really don't want to get birth today. Oh, I didn't realize that. But she's like so done being pregnant. Yeah. So we'll see. I'll let you guys know. Maybe it'll be a great week for. I think you will buy my now. I mean, my nephew's being born this week. I get the keys to my house this week. Let's just hope we get a hat trick with the Kamala win. And the Kamala win. And just one more thing about my house. And I'll, I'll share more of the journey, obviously on Instagram

and social media, but yesterday I did a walk through with my friend Liz who owns this company called Realm, and they really just coordinate finding bids for you, contractors, making sure that you have everything you need and coordinating pricing on that as well. And I'll talk about it more. Like I said, on the show

later, and Instagram before and afters. But her and my project manager met me at the house yesterday, and they're just so phenomenal. I love being these like two women that are just like such powerhouses and know every question to ask and they lined up all these contractors to stop buy and give me bids on like, I'm re-doing cosmetic things like the kitchen, the fireplace, a bathroom, but nothing crazy. You're like the Bachelorette. They're just lining up all these

contractors. Should we be filming this? Yeah, I literally. This is a reality show in the making. Why didn't I take more video? And it's like me? Yeah, like, hot single woman buys this beautiful house and then she gets to pick a contractor to fuck. That is literally how I'm hiring them. And it was like so crazy because like Liguan wants the company and Charlotte, the project manager, they're both like tall hot blondes and there's like me, short hot blonde. And they just line these guys up. So, look, the first guy that came was this, like, big Russian guy. And he's, like, bald.

And he wore a suit. And he just, like, knew what he was talking about. And he walked around made notes and everything I said. And he, like, said to me to Liz about being pretty. And I was like, am I jealous? And he walked to him. I was like, that guy is so fucking hot, Liz. Like, he is just this big Russian guy.

And as I'm saying to her, I'm jealous, she goes, you won't even believe what's walking him behind you. And then the next contractor watching was these two brothers and these sexy, tall, Israeli guys. And he said something like mazel top on the new house. And I was like, you're Jewish. Oh my God. I was so horny for this guy. I just like couldn't stop watching him. Everything he said, like, I tried to make it sexual. And I was like, I don't know if I can hire this guy because like I feel uncomfortable. He's so sexy. Like you, how do you look like that? Right. Did you do a ring check? I looked him up, no ring. Okay. I looked him up on social. I can't find him. That means nothing in L.A. But we'll talk about fucking your contractor later in the episode. But I was mentally budgeting. Like, which one do I want to fuck more and like at which point in the renovation. And they both told me

the rentals only going to take like three weeks max. So like I don't have to wait that long. Right. I mean also I don't know that you should pick somebody based on hotness, but I'm going to get the bids. And like if they are the same amount of money, I will pick the one. Right. That's the tiebreaker. That's how I meet my next husband. How Jewish is really guy. You should make him compete. Like you should set up some like challenge. Like eating my pussy. Like eating my pussy. A sexual challenge. Like putting up some shelves or eating your pussy or both. Whoever can come first or the longest. Okay, I'll time them. They both have to have sex with me and whoever can last the longest. Without going over 13 minutes.

That's your max. Yeah, 13's a lot. 13 of just straight penetration. I have been wanting to time sex because I feel like you get lost in a time vortex. Never known. Is it 30 seconds? Is it 30 minutes? Who's to say?

I never know. I know if we're like, let's have a quickie and that's like a meet. But like I couldn't tell you. Yeah. We had a quickie in Portland like walking out the hotel room. like the moment just struck. We were like, let's get after it. Yeah, it's great.

But anyways, yeah, I'll keep you guys posted about the renovation. I'm really excited. And so I get the keys this week. And then you and I move in on December 6th. And then new studio space. She means for the studio. I'm not actually moving in. I might.

I'm just so excited about all of it. So let's hope spirits are high this week. And, you know, nothing mars your special day. Thank you. Yeah. On that note, we do just want to give some final remarks. As we go into the election, obviously a lot of you guys have already voted, early voting. But of course, you know, today, tomorrow, if you're listening, the day this comes out,

please exercise your right to vote. Of course. We've sent that message over and over. That goes without saying. But I do, I want to start in a positive before we just trauma dump. This could very well be the week we have our first woman president. Yeah. So I want to start with that.

We can't predict the future. if that's not the outcome, you don't need to run the tape on me saying it, you know. But I just think like all of us who wanted that can really celebrate it and rejoice it and move forward and feel the biggest collective sense of relief that we've ever felt. I truly believe that will be the outcome. That's what I feel in my heart. I really do. But again, no one knows. And I think we all remember how we felt in 2016. And I was so certain then. And we all know what happened. And so I want to be cautiously optimistic. And while I really want to stay positive, we can't ignore the reality of the alternative

scenario and what that would mean for our country. So we're hopeful. We want to fucking celebrate this week. I feel excitement in my soul, but we still want to speak candidly about our current feelings. And while we're hopeful and excited, I just feel also like in disbelief that this is where we are. Like, I can't believe that we have had this misogynistic, pathological line, megalomaniac, bigot to worry about for eight years. I cannot believe that this is the third election that everyone, but like women have had to worry that we're going to have a president who's going to roll back our reproductive rights, someone that spews hate that makes people feel unsafe, that's going to instill these corruptive. Supreme Court justices for the span of their life.

Like the way that he has divided this country since 2015, 2016, it's, it's sickening. And it's like beyond my comprehension. And half the country still supports this. And it's hard to digest. And just the way that he is normalized this hateful, violent language. And I just sat and thought last night, like three, this is a third. third time we have to feel like this. I can't believe we're still here. Like it is so retramatizing over and over and over. And I just want you guys to try the best that you can to calm your

anxiety, spend time with people who, again, like, fill your cup and understand you when you can speak to about these type of things and try not to spiral and take breaks from social media when you need to and know that you're not alone if you feel these things and do things that bring you joy, masturbate, like whatever you have to do, you know, call your friends and, you know, whatever happens, we'll get through this together. And that's all I can really say. Yeah. I mean, I think that the thing that's been the most shocking for me about this election cycle is how many people think it's funny his behavior. They're very open about thinking it's funny. You and I have seen a lot of comedians, peers of ours. Celebrities come out and really endorse Donald Trump and this

behavior, whether or not it's to get clicks and views or not. I've never seen so much excitement around somebody. And even if you remove the stuff about women's rights, there's so many other things that I think are really at risk here. And I think a lot of people don't know how to talk to their friends or their partners that are voting for Donald Trump. And if I could do it in a more calm way, what I'd say is vote for the person that's going to cause the least amount of harm. You know, just outside of women's reproductive rights, you're talking about a person that wants to dismantle the Department of Education. He wants to completely change health care in this country.

And he has been on the record many times saying day one of my presidency, I will get every single illegal immigrant out of this country. And when I think about what that means, and he's been quoted saying one million people, two million people, up to 20 million people. When I think about what that says about day one of the presidency is really inciting violence legally and illegally, when I think about what it would take to get illegal immigrants out of this country from every business. every home. You're inciting the police to do that. And you're also inciting people to just

vigilante justice do that. And it very much as a Jew reminds me of the Holocaust and that we didn't really think that this could happen to us. But where is the line? And you know, your time of illegal immigrants, but then what? You know, the people that don't like immigrants also don't like Jews and also don't want them in the country. And it really harkens back to that feeling for me of like someone has to stand up for these people. And I think that like so many, of Donald Trump's constituency is these like white men that are like, none of this stuff affects me, you know? And I think that's a really dangerous way to think and feel because the amount of violence and discourse that this is going to incite really scares me. And so if you, there's people

in your life that are undecided that are just not going to vote because they're not sure, say these things to them. This is some real harm and violence and frightening things that are going to explode upon the country. And I'm not saying Kamala is a perfect candidate. I couldn't rattle off everyone of her policies and I'm sure she's not perfect. I'm sure all these people are corrupt in some way. But it does scare me what could happen. So if there is a calm way to say that to somebody, I incite you to. And, you know, if you're like, my boyfriend doesn't care about abortion rights, well, does he care about children and people who are sick and people who are minorities? Yeah, absolutely. It reminds me, like when I think about like sticking up for

others, even if it doesn't affect you, I reminds me of this. It came from a German Lutheran pastor at the time of the Holocaust, and he gave us a sermon at the Holocaust Memorial Museum. And he said, first, they came for the socialist and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews,

and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. And then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me. And I just, I think about that a lot when I think about people that say, like, these things don't affect me in this part of this type of legislation doesn't affect me, but like,

it will affect you someday, probably and the people around you and the women that you love and the children that you're going to have. And maybe that will move the needle with somebody. Yeah. I mean, I just don't understand how people don't see what the long term looks like, how bit by bit. You know, like I think yesterday on Instagram people were posting that it's been 50 years since women could get a credit card without a male co-signer. 50 years, your parents were adults. You know what I mean?

Like my mom was in her 20s when she could get a credit card for the first time without a man. Like it wasn't that long ago. We can go back there. You know, like segregation wasn't that long ago. People forget the Holocaust. Wasn't that like when you really put some things into perspective. I understand how people feel about Kamala and Gaza. And I wanted to just reference this article that I read.

this was from Jill Philopovic. She's a writer. I think she is a lawyer or former lawyer. And the article on her substack is called the case for Kamala, even despite Gaza. And it really speaks to people who may feel like they can't vote for Harris Walls because of the current situation in Gaza. And it really just is so thorough. It's so thoughtful. It's this brilliantly written article. It's just like irrefutable facts about the current situation and our current election. And it really just echoed a lot of the thoughts that I'm having and conversations that I'm having privately with different people. And I shared it on my Instagram that got hundreds of reads, which I love to see. And I feel like it's just really powerful. And so we're going to put it on the screen for YouTube.

And again, this is Jill Philipovic. And you guys can read that if this is something that is of concern to you or share it if it's of concern to other people. And I know, this is just a really serious issue, sensitive subject, and this article dove into it in a really, again, like thoughtful and thorough way. So I just wanted to recommend that. Yeah. So I think a lot of you are going to have conversations with your loved ones, your partners, your parents this week. And I don't think anybody's ever changed another person's mind by vilifying them, yelling them in their face, saying anything. I know this becomes very heated and very upsetting for a lot of people. But if there's any way to just have a calm conversation and implore people

to not be on the fence, not forego voting, go to the polls, vote for the person that will cause the least amount of harm, even that is really meaningful and impactful. Yeah. And we're down to the wire. Obviously, it's tomorrow. So many of you have already voted. But, you know, whenever you feel like you can help, you can give someone a ride, you know, an elder person in your community. I mean, there's still kind of things that can be done, like right up until the last minute. And there's resources like that. Emily and your phone, who we had on the podcast, has great resources and different people you can follow that can tell you things that if you really want to be like, I want to do a thing, you know, there are still things to do.

So, okay, we are going to get into some of these emails and light in the mood. Yes, we want you guys have a good week. Ashley actually went back and handpicked all these emails and they're fun and they're silly and they're great questions. And so we're going to have a fun episode, you guys. Yes. But I'm going to tell you about Embark. So I am so excited to talk about this because it is a Zol,

related. So Embark is a dog DNA test. And if you've ever wondered if what your dog is, or if there's more to his or her story, they can reveal your dog's full breed breakdown. So you'll know for sure. So I do not know what a Zool is. I have not done one yet. I'm going to do it when the time is right. You know, if I do it, it'll be with Embark. But, you know, we're just waiting to see when we feel like the time is right to do a full reveal. Maybe we want to have a big event. Maybe we want to have a breed reveal party safely. You know, no. pyrotechnics. But yes, I adopted Azul in 2021. And I have my guesses for what I think he is. I say he's like a chow border collie mix. But really, who's to say? So I really feel like one reason I'd want to do

this is so I can know if I'm right. And of course, out of curiosity. So this is a really perfect gift for the holiday season. If you have a dog lover in your life or you're just obsessed with your own pup, the embark dog DNA test can be the most thoughtful gift you can give. I think it's a very fun gift, but also something great you can do for yourself. And it's just something personal fun. useful. And they, of course, give you the DNA breakdown, but they also screen for genetic health insights. So they screen for over 270 genetic health risks. So you'll know what to look for down the road. And you can find your dog's relatives. That's hysterical. All of his old brothers and sisters that got seized. Verdei. So you can find the relatives, which I'm just obsessed with

in Parks' relative finder feature. And I have to tell you that this is the DNA test that my vet, Dr. Lisa Lippman recommends. So it comes recommended by my vet, by so many other vets, I'm sure. It's super easy to use. You just swab, send, and discover. So you just swab your dog's cheek, send it in a couple of weeks. You'll get the full report. It's so fun for, like, holiday fun with your family and friends. Can you imagine just sitting around like for Christmas or for Thanksgiving and doing the big breed reveal? You know, we do it with the appetizer contest. Yeah. So it's fun to do. And the results might just surprise you. So we love this. If you guys are interested in what your dog's DNA is at all. And of course, you can get those health insights as well. Find their relatives.

Embark is the way to go. This holiday, discover what makes your dog one of a kind with Embarks's dog DNA test. Head to EmbarkVet.com and use code GGE to save $65 on Embarks, breed and health test and get free shipping. Be sure to let them know we sent you after you place the order. Tell them girls got to eat, sent you in their survey. Again, visit embark vet.com and use promo code GGE to save that $65 on Embarks, breed, and health tests today. So I'm moving into my new Forever Home, and obviously the first thing on my mind is furniture. So obviously, I've been scrolling article.

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That's article.com slash GGE for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Okay, so speaking of things you can do to elevate your home, bowl and branch sheets, these are my favorite sheets. of late. I am so obsessed. They are so soft, so luxurious. I really, like, cannot get enough these sheets. And one thing I hate about sheets is when they're, like, really baggy. Like, these, like, fit tight in my mattress and they're just, like, a perfect fit. And so I am just so excited about it. They are great gifts. The box is stunning. Like, when we got these, I was like, this is the perfect gift. I think about it a lot. I think about it a lot. The packaging on something.

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I can't wait. We just went through and you guys email us all the time and I just want to say, if you've emailed us and we haven't responded, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. It's really my fault. I really don't. We get a lot. We get a lot of emails. We try to respond to them.

We get a ton for every show. We get post-show emails. People telling us they love the show or sharing an experience. And we have some emails where people really like need advice or pour their heart out or just want to share a funny anecdote. And we really do try to respond. And if we have not, I am so sorry. I think this keeps me up at night.

You know me too. You guys take the time to email us. I'm going to do it tomorrow. Okay. I am. You're right. I go through. and do some and I try, but I'm just like, we also don't want to give you guys

canned responses, but if Rain and I sat down and responded to every email, that would be our whole life. So I just want to like make it clear. And we don't want it to be like Tess's job, you know, because if you email us, we actually want to read them. Yeah. So anyway, I just want to say that up top. Thank you for saying that. We love you guys. We love you guys. You just are the coolest, funniest, most amazing audience in the whole world. Seriously, nobody's better than you. They're the best. Everybody that comes on the show is like, I can't of your audience. I know. All right. Let's get into it. Email number one. Do I fuck my contractor?

There's so much that goes on this. Oh my God. This is okay. So I'm 29. I just moved to a new city. I bought a cute house with a backyard for my dog. I was referred to an awesome contractor who has been finishing my basement and working on other odds and ends. He's doing so much more than I'm paying him for. I found out a few minutes into meeting him. He's 32. He has two kids and is very unhappily married. He said he got her pregnant. She wanted to have it. He's. He's He wants to be a good dad. We bonded easily. In the past three weeks since I met him,

he offered to drive me 30 minutes to the airport, the most selfless act of kindness in my book. He bought me fish. He caught on his trip and his favorite Georgian wine. Brought me fish. Did he buy it or did he catch it? He caught her fish. He caught her fish for her.

Caught on his trip. What was his wife? He brought his favorite Georgian wine last week. Georgian? Georgian. From the state? No, like the country of Georgia. They have wine country?

Yeah. Okay. I just made a shirt. I don't know. I'm assuming Georgian. It's up by Poland. I'm just going to be real with you guys. Any wine from Georgia or the Carolinas is dog shit.

I think when you say Georgian wine, it means in Europe. Last weekend, he called randomly on Friday to ask if I wanted to go out to the bars of him and his brother. I'm going to pop off about this guy. I ended up telling him I'd join another night because I panicked and needed to process. But it feels like our combo then I broke some sort of barrier. I'm extremely single. I actually haven't had sex for more than a year. I really enjoyed the reset while I focus on raising my puppy.

I'm not worried about getting attached. I'm worried about it sucking. and things getting awkward if it gets messy. Whatever the equivalent of spitting in my food is as a contractor. No, I'm sorry I'm looking up with Georgia wine. She's already, he's going to like, the sex is going to be bad. He's going to like, fuck up her house. He'll be at my house almost every day or the next few months,

and I want to continue to work with him over the next few years. Plus, I don't want to lose his very nice rate. When I saw him after Friday, our sexual tension was insane. I don't know what to do. Am I just hyping myself up about living in a porn arena and I used to watch? but it's my contractor, not a masseuse. Am I just horny and over-masturbating and need to find a less messy dick? How bad could this really get?

And it goes without saying, am I a horrible person for even entertaining this, considering he's married? Yes. Okay, I have thoughts. This is two separate questions. This is, do I fuck a married man or do, like, the concern. These are two, like, I wish he wasn't married. I wish we were talking about this from a, do I fuck my contractor, like,

the way that you're going to fuck your contractor. Totally. Yeah. I mean, the fact that he's married nullifies the rest of the email for me. He told you within minutes of meeting him that he's married. He's had two kids with this person. Yeah. He's very unhappy.

He told you in the moment of meeting. And then he's actively pursuing you. He wanted a trip. Who did he go with? His wife. Yeah. And brought you the step back. He brought you wine to Georgia.

He's offering to drive you to the airport. Like, this is disgusting. I don't care if you're unhappily married. Don't be married. Yeah. Like, I'm not shitting on her. I'm just saying, like, you and I've had, she's confused. She's Digmatized. She isn't had sex in a year. Yeah. She's, yeah, it's not Digmatized. She's just super hard. I understand that, like, I'm not trying to make her feel bad. It sounds really sexy. And I do think, like, in my life, men have sold me the story that, like, I'm just there because the kids. I don't want to be. I mean, how many men do I know that have told me this exact story? I just, I don't want to be there, man, but it's just the kids. And it's like, no one's holding a gun to your head to be there. You leave. You don't just start. mess it around with these girls that you have a professional relationship with inviting her to the bar

bringing her gifts right like he didn't even try to lie and say that they were open no he's out here just like no i'm trying to cheat yeah because people have open relationships totally you know like if that's what they got going on but it doesn't sound like that's the case it sounds like he's going to cheat on his wife it sounds like he probably already does oh definitely i mean this is so bold this is somebody that does this all the time yeah it sounds messy to me like when i like even if somebody's like i have nothing to do with we don't have a sexual relationship. We don't even really have a friendship. Like, I'm just not trying to be involved.

Take the morality out of it. Of course, it's morally wrong. But like, I just don't want to be involved in somebody's marriage. Can we just talk about it as if he's not married? Can we take another scenario? Don't fuck married people. I mean, that's just. Yeah, that's my answer.

I don't know. If they're open, sure. I mean, I get it. It happens, you know, but like, no, I can't ever advise it. So can we just pretend he's single and talk. talk about. No, I want to talk married people. I'm going to have some with you. Like, it's not even worth discussing it. That's what I'm saying. Don't fuck a married person. I should have just changed the email. Because like, I think it's funny that she's worried about the awkwardness

that can be in the contractor. No, you can fuck your contractor. I mean, how long is the renovation going to take? She's like, I would like to use him for years to come. Why don't you just figure out what you need to do? Do it now. I'm not worried about getting attached. I'm worried about it sucking and things getting awkward if things get messy. He'll be at my house almost every day over the next few months. We had a contractor, like when my parents put in, like, a back screened in porch. And doing, like, a big porch was like a big to do. And the contractor, Mike, he was there.

He lived with us basically. Every day Mike was there. Like, I'm just trying to remember those days. I remember being a kid and be like, Mike's part of the family. The contractor next door, I see him every day. So that is true. I mean, the contractor is, I see him every morning. I see his truck.

Let's, again, suspend reality from this email and say he's single. I think you let that tension go until the very end and fuck him at the end. Fuck him at the end. Yeah. Like that flirt for two months. Like, oh, God, I'm so horny just thinking about it. Oh my God. I mean, you can get so much mileage out of this masturbation.

Like, it's going to build so much and just like, don't give the milk away for free. Yeah. Make him finish this job. Also, like, make sure the job is done right. Yeah. What if you fuck him and he starts slacking off at work? No, you got to fuck him at the last week. Yes.

And exactly. You celebrate the job. being done. Yes. The final walkthrough? Because I will say that is how you could break through that barrier. Like once it's done, you could be like, oh, should we just celebrate? And you like, bring out some wine or a beer if he wants that, you know, whatever, some weed, whatever you guys want to celebrate with. I love it. Celebrate. Let's do a final walkthrough. Let's do a toast. Yes. And then like, you just are like, let's test out the bedroom. Okay. I have a serious question for you. What percentage of contractors are cheating on the rocks? Do you think fuck every single person

They do a house for? Like, do you think the contractors walked in my house yesterday? And they were like, single girl by herself, big titties, looking hot. I'm going to fuck that girl. Yeah, Raina, they all fuck the clients. Who am I? You and Greece when I fuck the driver. Yeah, Ashley, the driver's always fuck the clients.

Do you think all of them- I finally get to say it to you? Yeah, Raina. They always fuck the clients. You think you're special? No, I don't think I spent. You thought you were special when that driver fucked you, okay? You're like, I wonder if we were going to talk after this?

No. he's already inside of another person. I was like, he really liked me. This is like, Mama Mia moment. This is my Greek lover. Raina was like,

no. He's already inside of another person. He has blocked me on WhatsApp. You were like, maybe we go back to the States you can visit me. And he's like, what, ma'am?

I just feel like who doesn't want to fuck a contractor? They're hot, they're masculine, they're doing good work. They improved your home. How many men have into your home and improve it. Exactly. None. Yes, exactly. Every other pain is ruining your home. Yes. But yeah, it's,

it's so sexy. I mean, a guy doing any, hammering one nail. I'm wet. This guy and I yesterday, he was talking about repaving the fireplace and like, I made that sexual. Yeah. I was just like, just dripping, talking to him about everything. I know when I feel like when I've seen houses, Raina's come sometimes and she's not turned on by my realtor. She's turned on by my brother talking about the house. Like, My brother has a lot of knowledge and I'll see Raina's like I start to get like a little like lovey and I'm like he's married. He's a kid. He's your brother too. You know, and she's just like, the way that Matt talks about finishes. The way that man talks about contracting stuff. I'm like, okay. It is so hot to like know about that stuff. We are on my roof and I was like, so like what would you do up here? And he's like, you know, I feel like the vibe is like this plant wall. You get some good lighting. And I was like, so it's like you and I were like spend time up here together. Like what would you want to do? I mean, it's. I mean, it's. It's like, it's. So nothing is sexier. So I think you ride that masturbation wave all the way all the way to the end.

And then you absolutely fuck your contractor at the end of the week. Yeah. It's crazy that this guy told her he was married. Like he seems like he doesn't have the morals if he is married and he's hitting on her. So why do he even tell you? Right. Why did he even tell her? What's the difference?

Yeah. What's the difference? Like this guy, he doesn't care. Because now he thinks that you're the kind of girl that's going to fuck a married dude. Like I don't know. deceive you differently in his eyes. Like, I don't know why I just didn't lie. He seems like I would just lie.

Who cares? So I find that interesting. Obviously, I'm not endorsing lying. I always find it interesting when people like have bad behavior like in some ways. And then they're trying to be truthful in others. Like, does he feel better about it? Because you know and now you're both in this together. Absolutely.

Right. Because I think he's like, well, you knew what this was. And I also think that like nothing is so common as a man being like everything's terrible at home. She's awful. But I stayed for the kids. And it's like. he lets you know that so that you can have sympathy for him and that you're like complicit

in this lie but also so that you will have no expectations of him like that's the other reason why people share that with you because they're like bu bu bu I just want you to know like I will not date you but I'll fuck you and also like I don't know you want this guy all up in your home like he doesn't sound like the best guy I guess you have like a good rate but maybe we find another contractor that you can fuck I mean I feel like if you're dishonest in one aspect of your life You're probably dishonest in other aspects. Yeah. But like yesterday I asked both contractors, I was like,

can we put this like floor to ceiling window in and like not apply for a permit? Like, who's going to know? So it never lets me do it as the one I'm hiring. They always know. They're always going to know. The city of California. The city. The state.

Yeah. Earlier I said the state of Phoenix. Yeah. I thought Tessa was going to let it slide. She did not. Okay. The next one is a personal fave. The subject line was unhinged nail tech.

Do I stay or do I go? She writes, to take us back to the beginning, my nail tech, who I established rapport with when she was working out of a normal nail salon, decided to start her own business. Of course, we stand a women-owned business. However, the move took her from a chic nail salon into the back room of a barbershop. A bit strange, but in efforts to continue to support her growing business, I got over my reservations and haven't seen her at the barbershop faithfully for several months. You might be in a guy at the barbershop, though. I love it. I love energy. Well, today she dropped an absolute bomb. She's moving again, and this time to a CBD store. Again, full support of a women-owned business. But I just don't know if I can fathom walking into a CBD store and getting my nails done next to the local suburban dad seeking something to take the edge off.

And the vibe, like the vibe can't be great, right? So the question is, do I suck it up and march my ass monthly into the CBD store for a fresh set of traffic cone gel? Oh my God, she did not mention the traffic cone. I love the callback. or is this so in hinge that I need to find a new nail tech love? And she says her name, The Confused Girl, looking for a Zen like nail salon,

which is maybe in the back of a CBD store. That's going to be Zen. It's going to be chill in there. The vibes are going to be low in a good way. I think follow her to the ends of the earth. I mean, I love this journey. Follow her wherever the fuck she's going to go. This is hysterical.

I think it's something funny to tell people. You follow her the barbershop. You're following to the CBD store. Good for the bed. Next, she's going to be like in the fucking back corner of pavilions. Like, I don't know where she's going to be. It's not a weed shop. It's a CPD store. Maybe it's where they live. Like, can't, weed just isn't like legal everywhere, right? Interesting. Yeah. I mean, I love my nail tack and like I unfortunately had to get a manicure in New York and I picked this like great place in the West Village and I didn't like it. And I missed my girl and I hated it. I hated every second. I would follow her to the end of the earth. Jessica at Pinky's nail salon. I just love her. I'll follow her anywhere. But I don't know. Like, I've gone to like, I mean, weed shops in California. I just.

I'm not dying to get my nails done there, to be honest. Yeah. This is about whatever your personal preference is. My nail tech, Julietta, comes to my house now. She does house calls. It's a big L.A. thing. I feel like that people, like, do the stuff in the home. And I feel so blessed.

And it's like not that much of a price difference. She's incredible. She's been doing my nails single-handedly, no pun intended, since March of 2023. So she's, like, part of the fam. You know, like, she'll be at my wedding. Right. Like it's just we are girls.

Like, but if you want to go and have a salon nice relaxing experience and you're paying for it, like you're allowed to do that. Like, I want you to support this woman. I don't. She's not supporting you. But if you don't want to be there, you don't need to go there. Like it's your money and if it's an experience that you want to have. But I think there's a lot to be said for the same person doing your nails.

Like I really feel like one of the reasons my nails are so naturally like long and strong. now is because I've had the same woman doing them. She knows how to like keep him healthy. I don't know. I just want to be in a place where I enjoy the vibes and like I don't want to be like only criminals got a drug store. Because I go to drug stores. I go buy weed at stores in California. But like I don't want to get my nails done there. I'm trying to be in and out as fast as humanly possible. It's weirdly sterile. Everything is just like behind these kids. I don't want to do it. I just I like the vibe at my place. It's just a bunch of women. I always see people that are like listeners. I can relax. I get a massage. I just I'm not trying to the vibes are not for me. Yeah. Like what is the setup.

up at the CBD store. A barbershop is still to me like very much in the same line of like salon. Yes. It's a salon. Right. So what's back there? A folding table? Yeah, I'm not doing it. You're doing it for the bit. I don't, I'm not doing it. Don't feel bad about whatever you want to do. Yeah. But then what if the nail tech like blows up? Then you go back to her and she tries to go back. She's like, no, you left me when I was down. You told her you moved. You moved temporarily. I think that she's not supporting you. And I think you guys. to support you because you've no one in this world except for yourself. She's trying to make a living. Well, here's the thing. She doesn't know the vibes yet. Some of these stores are nice and the vibes might

be good in there. Just go once. Right. So why don't you go once to support her and if you're like, I hated that and I felt uncomfortable and it was weird, then don't go back. But like, you don't know till you know. Like the weed shop I go to out by the airport. It's not on a street that I really enjoy. I don't like the area. I'm in and out. And I wonder if she'd come to your house. I don't know. her. Yeah. She seems to move around a lot. Yeah, she's mobile. So it doesn't hurt to ask. I'm very excited about this next email. Okay. It's about friendship and weddings and bridal parties and all kinds of stuff. Okay. I'm having two maids of honor at my wedding, my best friend and my sister, since we aren't super close and she lives in another state, I wanted it at my best friend be what as well, along with the fact that

she lives in Milwaukee with me and we can plan things in person. She's always had an eye for design. I thought she would enjoy this role, seeing as she's been my best friend for nine years, and we've also been roommates. Unfortunately, it has not been how I thought. I spent so much time on her and everyone's proposal gifts, getting extra special things for her and my sister. Her reaction when I asked her was a little weird. She immediately complained about having to do a speech on the wedding day. We've only seen each other three times this year. Before a few weeks ago, I had not seen her in two months, even though she lives right by me. I asked her many times to come over for specific things like bridesma dresses, bachelor party planning. She seems to always have an excuse for not coming. I found

the Bachelorette Airbnb on my own. I paid for it on my own in full. She did not come wedding dress shopping with me, but instead, I'm just going to kind of paraphrase this because it's, I don't want to give details about these people, but the friend did something else that she had tickets to as opposed to coming wedding dress shopping with her. But she said I really wanted to just see me try on the dress in my dreams for the first time, and now that's not a possibility. I have other friends in my wedding party and everyone, even friends not in the bridal party, have offered to help me with anything I need, but she hasn't. She hasn't asked once how wedding planning is going. Even my hairstylist asked me that. I don't know how to go about this conversation with her. She has had very bad

reactions in the past when I've expressed my feelings. She's done some messed up stuff to me, but I've always forgiven her despite it. I've even had to block her while she was typing because she was saying the meanest things anyone has ever said to me and I didn't want to see any more in fear I would never forgive her. After writing this, I know I probably look stupid and the answer is clear. However, I have issues with confrontation and expressing my feelings due to past trauma. I really don't know how to start this conversation. Should I ask her if she's up for the duties still and feel it out or express how I really feel and demote her? Or should I have my other friends step in and just keep the titles as is? This year, I've made a lot of sad realizations in some

of my friendships. I don't think she values me the same way. It seems that I'm her go-to for all her problems, but she never asks me how I'm doing, let alone hangs out with me. I've had a lot of traumatic events happen in the past couple of years with little support from her and it's sad because we've been attached to the hip for, she says, the last about six years. I really feel for her. This is really painful. I mean, outside of the made of honor thing, to feel that you are losing and have lost your best friend, that they don't approach you anymore with kindness and empathy, that they're not interested in the events in your life. I mean, I don't know what this girl has going on. I don't know if she's single. And seeing her best friend get married is really painful.

And she's just, not that it's fair, but I'm saying like, I've even had to say to you, because I've gone through some things recently. And I've said to you, I think I've been a little selfish. I've been my own mind. I haven't asked you enough about your wedding planning. I don't think that at all. But it was on my mind. So I do understand feeling like I got my own shit going on and it's hard to lean into other people's happiness sometimes when you're like, I'm so sad. Yeah, who's to say? But the typing the meanest things anyone's ever said, I mean, if you have to block someone because you're scared of what they're going to say to you, you have to stop them before you see it. That's not a friend. That's not your best friend. Like friendships come and go and ebb and flow and

And, you know, Rain and I both had friends since we were kids in our lives still. But this, I mean, you can't hold on to people that are not serving you. And in fact, being mean to you, hurting your feelings, making you not feel supported. It's crazy because she has a sister. You'd think this would be about a sister. Like, when you're reading it, you're like, that's some sister shit. You know what I mean? And like, you don't need her.

Like, it sounds like you have your sister as you're made of honor and you have all these other girls who are willing to kind of step in and support you. and if you need help planning or whatever you have going on, I do not think you can keep going down the road with this girl as your maid of honor and just feeling disappointed over and over. It feels like it would be such a relief to, like, relieve her of these duties, but it also sounds like she's going to flip the fuck out.

So I don't really know, but I don't think you want her up there on your wedding day. I don't know what she has going on in terms of like what it would look like to demote her. Like, are they all standing up there is what it sounds like. It sounds traditional and it sounds like there's two made of honors and then there's like four or whatever the fuck other girls. So I don't know. I mean, Maya Rudolph demoted Kristen Wig and bridesmaids.

She just said, like, I think we're going to let Helen handle this. Because Helen knows the owner. But this is, it's not great. And I don't know how you communicate best with her. Like, I, of course, think the best route is always like a face-to-face, look someone in the face conversation. But like, is this better in an email? It sounds like she's scared of what she's going to do. Well, it's double-back.

because she's already saying, like, I've had some trauma that makes it hard for me to have confrontational conversations. And on top of this, this person flips out. They make it about you. They say, they say really mean stuff to you. And so she's like, whatever I'm going to say is going to open Pandora's box to some really, like, violent aggression towards me. Which is not a friend you need in your life. And again, like the sister, that's a shame because she says she's not that close with the sister. Because normally I'd be like, if your sister's got your back, to stick your sister on her, you know, but it sounds like that's not the case. They're not that close. She said she's in our late 20s.

This happens a lot with friendships in your late 20s around your wedding. I mean, there's almost nobody that I have ever met that had a wedding that didn't have some type of issue with a bridesmaid. And this was a kind of watershed moment in somebody's life. And I think that if you're really scared of confrontation, there is nothing wrong or weak about putting your feelings in an email. I think this is a time to use eye statements. I think you can say, like, I have been disappointed with the quality and quantity of

this friendship. I have felt uncomfortable in the past at your responses to me when faced with conflict. I always say, like, don't use a lot of eye statements, but this is the time to say, this is how this is how this has made me feel.

This is how it's going to make me feel on my wedding. And not like, if you're not up for this, you don't have to be here. Just like, here's some concrete examples of times I would have loved for you to show up for me. I don't know what's going on with her,

but you can say, like, maybe this is tough for you. Maybe this is not a priority to you. Maybe you think getting married is stupid. But it's important to me. And I would hope it'd be important to you. And it doesn't feel like that. And so I'd love you to give you the opportunity to tell me I'm wrong.

But otherwise, like, I'd love my sister to be the maid of honor. You are welcome to stand up there with me on my day. But other than that, I don't really feel comfortable with how things have been going. Yeah. And then let your other friends support you. I mean, she says, I have other friends at my wedding party. Everyone has offered to help me with anything. Like, it sounds like she has friends that are going to be there for her and just know that

you have them and know that they will support you, especially knowing that you're going to need it more if you have to demote this other girl. It sounds like she has friends and support in her life. And I feel for her that she's gone through these traumatic events and that she really honestly feels scared. She feels scared to tell someone who she calls her best friend how she's made her feel. You're not supposed to use statements. You are supposed to use I statements. And I just really want to back up what I said. In an argument, you're not supposed to say you did this. You're supposed to say, like, I feel like this. And I just said like five times, this is the time to use I statements. it's always the time to use eye statements.

Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? No. Like in a conversation, you're not supposed to say like, you did this and you did this and you do this. But like before I was like, now's the time to use eye statements, but it's always the time to use eye statements. No, sometimes you can do you. What if you did this? Sorry, sometimes you have to say you did this.

I get it and I feel this way. But sometimes it's like, here's what you did. What do you have to say about it? I mean, we took out some of the details. this email, but there were quite a few details where you can say, like, here's examples of stuff that you did. Like, you won't plan this bachelor party and you didn't show up for my wedding wedding dress fitting. You were saying to use you statements? I'm saying like in therapy, a therapist will say to you, like, use I statements. But you're saying now's the time to use you statements.

What? That's what you just said. You didn't do this. You didn't do that. I'm saying earlier I was talking as I was saying something really profound. Like now's the time to use eye statements. But then you said you said you statement. But it's always the time to use eye statement. But then what you did was say you did this, you did this. I'm agreeing with you. that at this point you can say bottom line is now is the time

to use you statements. Yeah. This bitch deserves use statements. I mean, I just really, I guess this one really got under my skin.

I really feel for her. And I've seen so many people really have terrible fallouts with a friend over a wedding. But like, this person clearly has given you multiple examples of not wanting to be there for you.

Yeah. So we left some things out, but this friend has really fucked her by the way. Yeah. Like we left some specific stuff out with, some guys.

Like, this is her best enemy is what it sounds like. Like, when you're reading it, and again, she knows that. She's like, I feel like I'm writing this and the answer is right in front of me, which also what we say sometimes is read back your own email. Sometimes when people ask us for advice, we say that with love. We're like, the answer is right in front of you. The fact that you sat down to write this to us, you know the answer. So it's like she already does know it.

And she's probably even like embarrassed that she has to write all this out and be like, yeah, duh, this girl is a fucking cut. This is also very, like, I hate to be like, you're a statistic. but it's extremely textbook to be like, like, this is everybody's story. I was friends with somebody in college. We stayed really good friends. Around the time of my wedding was this watershed moment.

Like, you start to realize the people that make you feel bad. Like, those people can't be in your life. And that is always in sort of like your late 20s where you're like, I feel bad from interactions with these people. When I saw a sentence of I had to block her because I was afraid of what she was going to say to me, I was just like, that person shouldn't even be standing at the altar with you. That cannot be your friend.

Yeah. And that person should get help. And that person will realize at some point how to have conversations with people without destroying them, attacking them, making them feel so upset. But it doesn't sound like today's the day. Yeah, exactly. And that is totally what Raina said. Like, friendships do change. I mean, Rain and I met in our 30s. I mean, look at us now. You know, like just because. Just because that was your best friend. When you were like at one point in your life doesn't mean you have to like stay. Like that's my best friend forever. Yeah. Like that's just not always the reality. We say it all the time.

Like having a history with somebody is not an excuse for bad behavior. Like that doesn't guarantee somebody a future in your life. Okay. We are just going to take another quick break and then we will get back into it. I am so excited to tell you guys about Quince. This is everything you need as we get into cooler weather, sweater season. Nothing like slipping into a cozy sweater from Quince. Quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50.

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scenario like this. We've heard it all. And, you know, we still get surprised from time to time. So she writes in, hi, long time listener, first time caller. I love when people started like that. I have listened to every episode, but recently got a little out of order with them. And just today, I listened to the episode where you discuss the ick. I've really only had one ick. It grosses me out when couples match. I can't explain it. I can't identify a childhood trauma associated with. it so I'm not sure where it came from. I love that she wanted to reflect and think where it came from. A little over a year ago, I was pursuing hinge as one does and found the profile for an enormous man with a dangerous job. I love this girl. Sounds like you're a vibrana. We matched, we fell in love, we have since moved in together and started planning our future. At no point did I think this man would want to match based on the fact that he wears camo and uniforms for work.

So imagine my surprise the first time we were going to meet my parents for dinner and he asked I was wearing. I told him jeans, boots, and a black sweater. Two minutes later, he came out of the closet in the same outfit. I thought he was fucking with me. He was not, in fact, fucking with me. And now no matter where we are going, he wants to coordinate out. I have attached some photos for reference. I'll probably still marry him, but honestly, I can't believe this is my life. The worst part is, people look at the two of us and immediately give him sympathy looks. Like you made him do it. Like, oh, of course, this blonde lady is forcing you to wear a red flannel to match her.

Meanwhile, I have to suppress an urge to scream, I'm the victim here, not him, me. The pictures are one photo, it looks like maybe when they met the parents or whatever, they're wearing the sweaters, the jeans, and the boots. The next is the red flannels. And the next, it looks like maybe they're going to a wedding or some like dress of event. She's in a yellow dress and he wore a yellow tie. I think he wants to do this. Okay, I have a theory that he doesn't know how to dress.

And so he's like, she knows. I'm going to dress like this woman? I'm going to dress like this lady. He's like, she really knows that I put an outfit together. And so I'm going to do this with her. Also, the fact that he's, it sounds like he's in the military. She said camo in uniforms. What else is he?

He doesn't know what to dress. She's like, I wore a yellow dress, so he wore a yellow shirt. Okay. Here's my feeling about these girls. I think it's actually kind of cute when couples dress like on vibe together. there's like a grunge couple or like a fancy, I love it. I don't know, a fancy Montau couple. Like, I like when they're just like on the same vibe.

Yes. I don't even mind like color coordinated a little like you've chosen neutrals today. You've chosen all black today. All florals. Like having the same outfit like you do all the time is crazy. Yes, like you're getting family photos. Like you're going to take Christmas. Like you're going to Sears to get like Christmas photos ton.

Like the way that people are looking at are like, oh, that lady must be in sufferingable making her man dress like that. I wish you would have explained to us like why. Why is he doing this? I know. Like I want so much more information about the relationship. I also really believe in them and I think they're going to make it. But I want to know why you can easily ask someone that you're going to marry like, why do you like to do this? And I don't know if it's worth saying, like, I have to tell you I have one turn off and it's dressing to like. This is a person you're going to be with. It sounds like they have like a nice, healthy relationship, you know, like, why not talk about it? Yes. Dressing identical.

is something I'm not into, but I also loved to dress like. I mean, like my fiance and I, he got me these Travis Scots. I got him Travis Scots. They're like the same colors, but like inverted. We like will always kind of be wearing like all black or we wear like long camel trench coats. You guys love me. We're all black on vacation. I like I'd rather that than like I'm in like all black chic. Sheik and he's wearing like khakis and a polo. I love it. He would never. I love what a couple looks like they are of the same theme. They both wear jeans and a sweater. They both were workout clothing. That is what I love. I'm like, that's sexy.

We look like a fucking team. We showed up to play this game together. Yes, we're on the same team. We're in the same uniform. We're on a Halloween costume. Like, what are we doing matching? That's crazy. Like someone once said, you guys are a very aesthetically pleasing couple.

And I was like, that's a huge compliment. We were both tall and skinny. Well, okay. Well, that's probably everything much. But I think we dress like we, you have a similar, like, you know, like you have couples like somebody just dresses more expensive in the other person or just like fancy, not fancy. I mean, you guys just, you dress. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, he came in well-dressed, likes nice things, has nice clothes. Like, he's picked some stuff up for me and I've, like,

bought him some nice things and he's bought me really nice things. Like his taste, I mean, the jewelry and the shoes and the things that he's bought me, I'm just like, they're so elevated. Like, I love that I haven't had to even deal with that. He came in ready to go. He did. Remember that one time me and him wore the same outfit? Yeah. Like white sneaks, green pants, white shirt. That was crazy. I ask his advice on my outfits. Like, he's just got style and I really love it. But this guy's like, she's got style and I'm just just going to do the same thing as her. That's crazy. This is a pick your battles type of thing. Like, I think she can try to get to the root of it. If it really starts to irk her, I do think it's

worth saying something in like a loving way. And like, babe, this is just like, I want to look different. Like I'm a unique person. I'm an individual. Like, I'm an independent woman. Like, I don't want to match with you. And, like, you can be cute about it. But otherwise, it's like, it sounds like they got a good thing going on. Yeah.

And this is just not something that's going to bother you about a person when you're in love. It's not an ick when you're in love. But it's annoying. He sounds quirky and cute. I think I like this guy. Okay. Hear me out. What if he's been trolling her this whole time?

What if he's, I'm telling you, like, you never know. Like, early on, she might have said, like, my one ick is. this and he like clocked it maybe she was drinking she doesn't remember saying it and now past trauma her friends told him like what if he's been trolling her this whole time maybe she was like on you know a past trauma for me is like my mom always made me my sister's dress alike and I just like I don't like feeling like I'm not an individual and I have to wear the same thing as other people in the room and he was like got her but she doesn't even know what trauma's coming from remember she already she doesn't remember sharing it she was drunk that's what I'm saying I what if there's a world and they were just having like a little too

much wine one night and she told him this and he's just trolled her ever since I'm obsessed. I want to hear from him. I just, I like him. This is like an adorable ick. All he wants to do, he wants to let everybody in the room know, that's mine. We came in the same outfit. That's why I dressed the same as you. So funny. Okay. And we're just going to do one final one to go on theme with the election this week. And we've gotten a few like this. This is not the only one. This is just the most recent we came in. But we've definitely gotten emails from women saying, like, I think my partner is voting for Trump or he is voting for Trump. And I don't know what to here and we obviously feel your pain and that struggle. So she writes in, she says,

hey ladies, got to start the traditional way, tell you much I love you in your podcast, the merch, the vibrators, all this really nice stuff. She's been in multiple shows. We love that. So thank you for supporting us. Anyway, she said, my recent dating woes stumped the group chat. So it was time to turn to you guys. She's already consulted the group chat in this. A little background. I'm 24. Recently moved back home, started dating a friend I went to high school with. He's also 24 who was living in our hometown. It's been great. He has kind makes me laugh the sex is great i really like him we live in a small rural town that actually host a bring your tractor to school day so it's safe to say it runs pretty red during election year

as you guys know this is this election is intense with so much at stake for so many people women included i've never been afraid to stand up for what or who i believe in and while she is not the perfect candidate i will be voting for camilla having expressed my absolute disgust for trump in the past my boyfriend recently confided in me that he was considering voting for him this took me back i was shocked and hurt that someone i was growing to have really strong feelings for could vote for such a a horrible human being. I attempted to express that voting for Trump felt like an attack on human rights and women's rights everywhere and that I would have a really hard time trusting him, given that he knows these are my values and my boundaries and would deliberately vote against

them. He obviously did not respond well to this and he believes me to be extremely close-minded. He said that he agrees that Trump is not on the right side of those ideas, those ideas being basic human rights, but cares about America too much to not vote for him. Am I the asshole here? No. Am I taking this too far or being too extreme to say I would not continue the relationship to be voted for Trump. Obviously, the right to vote for the candidate you see fit is so important and essential to democracy. I would never want to take that away from anyone. I just feel so guilty making him feel like it's me or him, but how can I not? I guess what I'm wondering is where do you draw the line between compromising or staying in your ground and not just in politics, but life in general.

What also like a beautifully written email. Yeah. We just appreciate that. Kind and empathetic. Yeah. I don't ever want to take away from the fact that like somebody was raised in a different part of the world than I was. Like his parents, his whole life probably were Republicans. He's grown up in a part of the world that's very red Republican. He's a white man. I just, I think that like it's hard to argue with 24 years of breeding. This is this person's background.

This is what he's been told. But it sounds like your values don't align. And, you know, it's hard for her to go up against him and say, like, I don't like this and you don't support me when he's like, but my whole news feed is supporting this. candidate and my social media supporting this candidate, my family, probably my friends, everybody around me. I mean, it's, you're up against a lot. So I want to validate that. And I don't want to say like, he's so terrible. Like, I understand that other people have a different life experience in me. But it would be very difficult for me to be with a person that

it just sounds like your values genuinely do not align with this person. That's what it is. At its core is the values don't align. You want to have kids with this person. You know, like think down the line. We get messages like this. I, They made me so emotional. I just feel like I have a lot of like anger surrounding this and that women are having to think like this. And this is just not, I can't say it enough. It just isn't a Republican candidate from days past.

You know, this isn't just like he wants to vote for John McCain. How could I, you know, or like Mitt Romney. You know, I always like use those examples. Like this is someone that is really dangerous. And have you asked him what he hates about Kamala? I get people say different things. a lot of them are not rooted in facts. But like, I'm also like, how do you really feel about women and how do you really feel about women of color, you know? And I also feel for her because she moved

back to this small town where it sounds like there's probably not a lot of options and she found someone she likes. But your values don't align is the bottom line. And is that someone you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, having a family with potentially? Like, this is probably a sign of what's to come. Like, you will keep bumping up into this. Yeah. This, might not end the relationship today, but it is a sign of what's to come, like you said. You will keep seeing examples of how this person's values don't align with yours. And I've been in the midst of Trump supporters. I can have dinner with them. I've probably fucked them. I just probably wouldn't plan my life around one. And that's just Donald Trump and only Donald

Trump. I don't have this problem with Republicans. Plenty people in my life are lifelong Republicans. Exactly. Exactly. And that's a thing. It's like we're so divided, but we just are. And I hate to contribute to the division, but it's like, this is the person that created the division. We weren't like this before, you know, and again, like I think about those people in my life, too. I think about my uncle all the time, lifelong Republican, never didn't vote Republican. Our family is genuinely worried about him if Trump wins. Like, that's how deep his hatred runs and how scared he is as someone who was in the Navy and who really has so much insight and who knew John McCain personally and all those different things. Like, he couldn't be more

a Republican prior to 2016. And so I just. I feel for these situations. That's all we can say to you. Your values don't align. I love the Michelle Obama speech that she recently gave. It's in full, for the most part, on her Instagram. I posted on my story. And I said for women who have these concerns, like, why don't you sit down and watch this

with the man in your life and see what he has to say? And if he finishes watching this because it is so much about like, this is what this means for women, if he really watches that and you really ask him, like, what do you think about that? Don't let him divert with Kamala this. immigration, this, borders this, economy this, again, a lot of which will not be rude in fact, but really ask, what do you think about this? What do you think about if I were to have our child and I would need a life-saving procedure, you know, that would be illegal? How would that feel to you?

And so that was, I think, was so impactful about Michelle Obama's speech and ask these men what they think about that. So I don't know. The decision is yours. but you are not being too extreme to say that you would not continue the relationship at all. So if her main question is, am I the asshole? If I break up with him for this, no. No, it's, I mean, I can look the other way about a lot of things. I don't need to be 100% aligned with somebody about everything, but I do about this one. And I don't mind if you're like, I can see why Donald Trump has some good points. I don't, but I understand that some people do, and that's fine.

voting for him, I can't really, I can't really accept it. Mm-hmm. So, and it really makes me question why you're so terrified of this woman being in charge, you know? Mm-hmm. So there's that. All right. Well, all right, guys, well, any of you with these concerns and these fears and these anxieties, you know, we are with you. And thank you for, why am I talking like the world's about dead?

Like the podcast is about saying we're being hopeful. And no matter what, we will have an episode on Thursday. We were kind of discussing how to handle this with not really knowing when the election results are going to come in, but we'll have something. We've kind of figured out how to do that. So we will talk to you on Thursday. But hope you enjoyed this episode. And, you know, we know it wasn't all just funny in light, but we hope you got some laughs out of it.

And maybe take your mind off what you have going on. And if you want to come to a show, you can get tickets at girls got to eat.com. We will see you soon. in Denver, Minneapolis, and Madison, and then, of course, in New York and Boston to end the year out. Girls Gotteeatat.com. Girls got to eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Rain is rana.

Greenberg. Vibesonly.com. Never needed a vibrator more than now if you're having any sort of anxieties or stress. Vasturbating helps. So vibes only.com. And we will talk to you Thursday. Vote tomorrow, you guys. Vote.

If you haven't already, vote, vote, vote. Love you. We'll see on Thursday. Bye.