Girls Gotta Eat - Embracing Your Sexuality (Check), Finding True Love (Check), Kids (Questionable) feat. Comedian Ali Kolbert

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

We have hilarious comedian and friend Ali Kolbert in the studio with us (and Azul) discussing coming out, her standup journey, her relationship, having kids, why she thought Ashley was bi, and more. She opens up about growing up while figuring out her sexuality, and shares the captivating story of her and her girlfriend (who never dated women before Ali), which truly had us on the edge of our seats. Then we're diving into the conversation of having children when one partner is sure and one isn't. Before Ali joins us, we're chatting about male height surgery (yes, it's a thing) and breaking down a cum cleanup debate. Enjoy! Follow Ali on Instagram @AliKolbert and check out her podcast The Ali Kolbert Show. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, NEW merch, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Pretty Litter: Get 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com/gge. Helix: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge. Storyworth: Get $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $15 off your first month's subscription plus free shipping a nutrafol.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, a lot of the other dialogue is like, yeah, sex sucks the first time. Yeah, you have to figure out what you like, oh, giving head fucking sucks. And I'm just like, totally. I'm just like fully gay. Yeah. Welcome back to another episode of Girls' Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Welcome back Azul's.

He's being so extra cute today. Our guest today loved him so much. I don't really loves him. I know. And we're back from Miami. We're back. We're very tan. My lip looks like there's something wrong with it.

You got that lip brus. I am burn. I didn't think to wear chapsic guys. Just wear chapsic on the beach. We have SPF everywhere. Did I ever tell you spring break my junior year, we just, I mean, back in my day, we did not give a fuck about SPF. Like we were lay out with like oil. Like, yes, my mom was like, don't do this, but like we didn't care. Even less than we here. I would put baby oil on my body. You were doing that when I met you. So I just, but we all used all week, we all shared this Burt's B's lip stuff, which I love Burt's obviously, but we thought it was SPF. So the whole week laying out in the Bahamian

sun slathering this on our lips, we all got such burned on the lips. We were like blistering to like I couldn't even make out with anybody. And it was a big problem because I just was such a slut. Yes, it's a real thing. Yesterday I woke up and my bottom lip was so swollen. I was like, nobody can see me. Like I remember trying to make out with this guy and I was like, it hurts. I was like, I'm going to do it anyway. I was like, Just finger me. Like, I remember being like, just finger me. No blow jobs.

No blow jobs. I'm gonna ripies lips stores open. We have pictures of us like from that, you know, printed out pictures. They're not on the internet. Because that's what we did back then. Of just blistered big fat lips. Because all week we were like, we're protecting our lips. That is so funny.

We wouldn't do SPF anywhere but our lips. We were like oil everywhere, but keep our lips intact because we have suck some dick. Vaseline on the face, baby oil all over the box. Yeah. Okay, new merch today. Very excited. Releasing all new stuff. Super cute.

Great new items in the store. And your cries have been listened to. We have Dick as a full-time job on the site. Cute new merch. You guys always want more. Girls Gotta Eat stuff. So we have that for you. We have joggers now as well.

It's all so cute. So check it out at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Shop. Yes, there's a Dick as a Full-Time job mug. So when you tell your boss why you can't come into work today, I'm busy. I don't have time for this side hustle when I'm sucking dick.

Send him a photo. He'll understand. He'll be like, how about you suck this dick? And then you sue him. That's... Yeah. Yeah, then you get paid off forever.

Sue your boss. That's our career flip. And we will, this weekend, if you guys are listening, the week of the episode, we'll be in St. Louis in Kansas City this weekend. So we can't wait to see you guys there. There might be still a few tickets left.

So come, CSC shows are going to be incredible. Really amazing opening acts and just have a lot of fun stuff planned as always. And we just can't wait to be there. I remember last time we went to St. Louis, it was lit. That was our 50th show. Our 50th show. We did two at the comedy club. What is it?

There's two there. I always forget. The chuckle bar. It's like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like, I always like, we've never. Are you thinking like chuckle fuckers? No, we've never done.

We've never done a club that has a name chuckle. in it. I think it's so funny. The Chuggle Bar. There's two like chain comedy club there. Neither of them are called the Chuckle Bar. I mean, I was, okay. Hold on because that's Nikki's club, but hold on. St. Louis Comedy Club. And there's two of them. I don't remember. There's helium and Funny Bone. Which one did the funny. Yes. We did the funny bone. Of course. The Chuggle Bar will be the different. That's a different thing. It's not that far off. Okay. Then the funny bone. Chuckle barn, funny bone. Same energy.

Yeah, I see the only future. Like Richard and Charles. Honestly, though, Funny Bone, like, I'm, yeah, same energy. You guys get it. So we will not be at the Chuckle Barn or the Funny Bone.

We'll be at the pageant. We'll be at the Richard Charles. And then the Richard and the Charles. And then the Kansas City will be at this thing that's a long name. Arvus Bank, Midland, something. I got it right here.

It's the longest name of a venue. The Arvist Bank Theater at the Midland. You guys did the literal most. That is too much. So yes, we can't wait to be there. And those are really our announcements. And then there still probably are a few tickets left in Indianapolis and Detroit. And then maybe Toronto.

Yeah, maybe. And I am doing a solo stand-up tour. And I really don't know if there are tickets left as you guys listen to this because I announced it today. And they went pretty quick. I'm feeling really emo and very blessed about it. But I am doing shows in Boston, Philly, Chicago. DC and New York this summer

info in my solo standup dates ash has dot com which you better go to that site because it cost me a lot of fucking money I go to the shows I used to own Ash Hess this is this is what's real fucked up I used to own Ashass dot com

and I just let them expire and I'd buy it back that is crazy you to buy a lot imagine buying girls got to eat back it's crazy if you if you own a URL that you think you might want to use one day just don't let it go

I'll never let go Just don't let it go. Don't let it go, Jack. To buy it back when I used to just own it. It's a lot, it's a lot more money than I expected. I thought it would be half of what you paid, and that's still a lot of money. I just was like, I, I'm just going to do it. Fuck you, go, Daddy.

But anyway, they should sponsor us and give us free websites. Remember when they came out with those, like, racy Super Bowl ads? Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. We're back from Miami, Hannah's Bachelorette. It was, so you've been on a lot more Bachelorette weekends than I have. I have not.

And I was just like, how's this gonna go? It's like so many girls we didn't know, so many plans, so many themes. And I really just had the best time. Like Hannah, Burner,

who's been a guest on our podcast two times now, is getting married to Des in May. And I just, I had the best time. We went to Miami with like 10 girls and two guys. Oh my God.

Yeah, we did have some guys. Yeah, I am like a bachelor gal. I've been to so many. I planned so many. I was like a go-to to plan like fun different stuff

to do. I used to blog about it all the time. Like I wrote this one blog that went kind of viral back in the day. Bacheloretts in your 20s versus bachelor's in your 30s. What did you say? Las Vegas versus like Charleston? Well, it's just very like 20s are like all the penis stuff. You know, like a lot crazier stuff.

30s are like, we should go to the spa. But this was not like that. This was right up the middle. This was hardcore party, but like as adults, like who have money. Everything that she planned, that like her friends planned, I would have chosen every one of those things, especially the mega yacht. Yeah, I mean, we did a yacht, we did Kiki on the River,

we took the yacht to Kiki on the River, we did 11, which I had never been to. And you guys kept trying to explain it to me, and I was like, is it a strip club? Can someone explain 11 to me? Because I just had never been, and you and other people were like, it's kind of a strip club. But like everyone's naked or they're taking,

or not everyone's naked, the girls aren't fully naked, but some of them are taking their tops off. And so there's no, like, vaginas out. Yeah, there's dozens and dozens. dozens and dozens of girls. Dancers. Yes. And they're all in like really like provocative outfits.

And like you had said this like how often do they get like a group of girls there to just be like giving them money and Paige was so nice to give us all those ones. I mean, I said what a treat for them. Yeah. To have a group of women who are like treating them respectfully have a bunch of money to throw around. Like you know, yeah, Paige DeSorbo. She had like a stack of cash and, you know, she was kind of in charge that night.

It was like it was such a dream. But yeah. Like as opposed to men that, I mean, I think most people are generally respectful, of course. But like it just seemed like they really wanted to be around our table because we're like a bunch. It's a bunch of like girl on girl respectful, throwing money around gassing them up. Like, oh my God. You know, if I was a dancer like that, I would be wanting to be around the girls table. I'd be like I only do girls tables.

Yeah. That's my vibe. Yeah. It really was such a fun night and everybody. It was such a good crew. And I don't know. I've never been at a bachelor party full of people I didn't like. So, I mean, it was a great crew.

made the night really fun. We went to Swan for dinner, which was great. Everything was playing. It was great, and Hannah is so laid back as a bride. She's just like, show up when you want, come as you, you know, come as you please. It really was so fun. Yeah, it was really fun. And we know you guys want us to collab with Giggly Squad. So obviously that's

going to happen. Yeah. Girls got a giggle. Yeah. I just want, Ashley said this thing that made me laugh so hard. So there were steams every night, all three nights. And it was like the most stress I ever felt. I was like, what am I going to do? And everybody's just going to be so creative. So I, like, bought all this stuff on Amazon, which are people for even by clothes art. It's not a plug for Amazon because, like, I don't care. They don't need help. But I bought all this, like, really cheap, like, costuming stuff on Amazon. And it was Passover that weekend. And my brother

was in Pittsburgh visiting with my family. And my dad was, like, texting me about, like, what I was doing. And I was, oh, my God. I had this really great, like, feather skirt that I spent, like, a dollar on. And I really liked my album. He just asked for we were doing it. So I sent him the photo that I had posted on my Instagram story of my outfit. I said, Raina just sent her dad a thirst trap. Like, I look down and I'm like, first of all, who is she texting that's green?

Who has an android that she would send a thirst trap to? Literally, I was like, I thought I knew everything about Raina. And like, who is she smiling and who is she smiling and giggling and texting who has an android that she would send a thirst trap to? Her dad, her dad. And I had like one drink. So I was like a little.

looser and it like so I'm just firing off text and it like washes over me that I like sent my dad like a very sexy photo. I'm fully dressed by the way. I have like full shirt, skirt, everything on, but it was, it was weird. And then he called you. He called you and then did you say this or did Hannah say this when you were, I picked up the phone and said hi daddy. You said hi daddy, which I can't. But I think Hannah then said or I can't remember who said the joke.

Someone said I guess that thirst trap worked. And then on Sunday we're at the pool. And Raina was talking to Sierra from Summerhouse. And Hannah goes, Ashley, oh my God. I just overheard Raina talking to Sierra about her dad. Like, Raina wants to fuck her dad. Like, what is going on here? Okay, for the record, we are not one of those families. I'm not weird with my dad. And you know it. Some people are weird with their dads. I'm not, well, never too late to start,

I guess. I've started for doing it. Being weird with my dad. I was laughing because him and my brother were both at Passover simultaneously like texting me talking to shit about stuff. And my dad was sending me all this like stuff. And my brother was like, dad is so hammered. And it just really made me laugh. That's what I was giggling at the phone. Whatever. So that happened. I had a couple things I wanted to talk about. Let's do it. Okay. Rida. Okay. So one, we are in Shore King Spring. As we all know, and they have just announced this or just announced. Whatever it is, I've been seeing that there is this male height surgery. Have you seen it? It's like making the rounds that. Are you fucking?

Amazes is April Foles? No. That guys are like, I've seen photos of like they're getting these like leg implants. A leg implant. And it's like 70 grand. They chop off their calf and put an implant.

I don't know what ends and out of it. But it does like it. I think this has maybe been a super dangerous thing for years. And I think it now is a thing that like you can get done for like $70,000. I got to have any more information. I have so many thoughts on it. It's already somebody like a Jeff Bezos. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Personality trait of someone that has that much disposable income. Yes. And it's sure it feels like it's going to be not. the best guys and like what's going to happen when they are six feet. And then my other thought was I'm so sure how it's like so much money, you know, a lot more money than implants than breast implants. But I was thinking like, you know how men who have money like might buy a girl boobs. Like I buy that for a guy. And I'm like, he's almost perfect. And I like, I like buy my man height.

Like you built him. Like you built a man. Like literally. Like, what does that conversation look like? Like, can you know what I mean? It's just so funny to me like how, you know, a girl would be like, you know, I had the sugar daddy and he bought me breast implants and I'm over here like. I have this young guy that I just thought was hot enough, but he'd just need a few more inches, so I bought it for him. But what does that conversation look like? You're like, I love you. But what I would really love is more of you.

And I would love you if you were. That is so funny. I just want more of you, babe. Honestly, more of you to love. I mean, that's probably what I mean, I do think like. Men don't have to convince women to get breast implants that much. Like I think a lot of women with small breasts would be like, yeah, sure, somebody pays for it. It's fine.

Like, no man is sitting around like, I hope she brings it up. I would be so. She offers. I hope she offers. To get me breast implants also I don't want them. But I mean, it's probably a very intense, maybe not the most safe surgery. Like, do you feel like you would ease your way into this by buying him like a pair of platform shoes?

Like, do you feel like you start cheaper? I'm like, babe, I booked us a trip to Austin. I got you these boots. With the heels. the boots with me. Like, I would probably just be like, test it out and see how it feels. Like a padded bra, but shoes with the

platform. Also, this conversation is disrespectful during Shore King Spring, but I just had to bring it up because it was trending and people were sending it to me and it was really funny to me. This is so funny. And if you're, listen, if you're considering getting it for your man, we want to hear from you. Then you're a rich woman because

$70,000. Okay, my other thing. No, who's doing this? I'm not done yet. Who's doing these surgeries? As in who would get it or like what doctors are performing it? I don't know. I mean, the pictures I saw, I don't think everybody. This sounds very complicated and like something you're probably not supposed to do to your body. Like I'm like wondering if it's like an implant at the bottom of your foot. That it's like a platform they implant in your foot. Let me just look up. Let me just look it up. Um, like fascinating about it. Yeah. I will die if this was April

Foles. Okay. Yes. Here it is. It was not April Fools. This is actually, okay. The The article one insider is men are paying $76,000 for a limb extending surgery to be taller. So this founding surgeon at this institute in Las Vegas, he's performed the procedure on more than 30 people. I know because the picture I saw was all the clients like posing with the doctor. And so that shows how much taller they got than the doctor. Holy shit. Yeah.

Wait, this is like very significant. So the two hours, $76,000 procedure involves minor breaks and the leg bones, nails and screws and physical therapy. It takes a full year to see the end results. That's what I felt like. this is not something you really should do. But you know what? If that's like it's going to change your life,

this doesn't seem like it's worth it. And maybe if it got more mainstream and not as dangerous, but to lose, like you couldn't be a runner anymore, probably. Like your athletic ability would totally change. I can see that. I mean, I'm trying not to judge it.

Like, I don't know what it must feel like to be like a really short man. I feel like this really has affected my life, my entire life. And like going through this is worth not feeling so little anymore. I can't. I like, to read about it is crazy.

Like, wow, they cut your legs and stuff. makes me feel a little sick. Okay, you're ready for my next question. Yeah. Okay, this was a TikTok. I want to credit them. What is this? FOMO music was the guy. I don't know if they have a podcast or whatever, but they had the question when you are having sex with the guy and he comes on you. I know you like to be cumbed inside, but you've been cummed on. I like anywhere. Yeah, you just like the cut anywhere. And then they go, I'll play the audio. Here. Can I ask you guys a question? Because of some I've been debating about when you do bring the towel back, right? Is, Should you be the one to wait? Yes. Or them. This is a debatable topic. I feel weird doing it. I've done both ways,

but I feel like it's mean to just be like handle yourself. No, I always... What do you think? Okay, I is a debatable topic. I have a very hard, fast idea about this. Everybody's different. My feeling is that I want you to...

First of all, it's so weird because I love CUM so much and I love like... I love talking about Come. I've had some situations with Cumb Lila that I didn't really enjoy. We'll talk about it. The live shows.

Come to the live shows. I'm never going to put somebody's come style on Blah. on the show. But, okay, I like somebody in the moment, I'm like so into it. I'm like just fucking spray my body with it. The second it's over, I feel like I don't want this on me at all. You jump up? Like I want them to, no, I don't want to jump up. The feeling of jumping up and feeling come run down my body makes me want to throw up. I want them to get up and hand me a towel and I want to clean it off. Okay. I feel like every time a man does it for you, I see what they're

saying, which is like, it feels rude to be like, you deal with this now. But like, I feel like somebody's just smearing it around my body a little more. And I know how to clean my body the way I want to clean it. Okay. Very specific ideas. I want them to immediately get me a towel. Okay. I want to clean it. I have never in my life been wiped down by a guy. Maybe you don't get hosed enough. No, like, I would do it. I'm saying, oh, yes. Yes. I have never my life had them take the towel and do it. But I, I mean, I don't know what kind of come you've been having all over your body. When I get up, it's viscous. It's not, it's a little thicker. It's, it's not dripping down my body. I don't want to feel it move. If I start jumping around, I'm not jumping on the back.

But definitely both, I, again, probably what I don't want is them to come at me with the towel and start scrubbing me down. But I also don't want a towel to be thrown at me. I don't want it to be like, you're playing basketball and you like, you know, like you're a teammate. You want it gently handed you. I don't want you checking me a towel, like we're playing one-on-one. But I don't want it to be, But I also am happy to jump up. Like, I guess the surroundings are important. Like I'm trying to think of having sex in a hotel. Like, I could ask you for a towel or I could get up and get it.

If we're in my home, I would probably just go take care of it. If I'm in your home, I would probably want you to get me a towel. Okay. Your home, I want you to get me a towel. Hotel, I want you to go get me a towel. My home, I guess there's a place in the world where you're like, okay, I'll get it myself. Also, depends where they come. I just don't like, I mean, physically on your body.

I think I just get up. A lot of the times I don't like to lay there with come on me. Like I feel a little like this. I don't like the way this. I feel helpless and I want to just deal with it. You are just like, I'm like, help me. You're like, can you come there?

Come on me. Yeah. I love this question so much. I know. I thought you would like it. I think one of like a snack head, probably one of our listeners like tagged me in it. I love it so much.

And like it's very funny. I just, it's like, I don't know how you call like orgasm brain. Like I want it on me so badly or in me. And the. second I get off and then they get off, I don't want it anywhere near me. I don't want it on my sheets. I don't want to roll over onto a puddle of it. It makes me feel sick. I'm like,

you lay on your cum. That's gross. But I don't want to, if I stand up and it drips on me at all, it is gross to me. And I'm not trying to catch it with my hands. Okay. I think also I maybe want a little more of like, if you came on my back, like if you came on my butt or my lower back, like maybe you're running at the towel. So I was going to ask you that. Does part of your body matter? Like the stomach versus boobs versus butt versus like I like when people just come on. I say it's nice. Yeah. That's on the top of you though.

Like if it's on the back of me, because then I got to inch off the bet. Like I'm all fours. I got an inch back or I have to go flat and slide off. Like at least when you're on your back, you pop up. You're just carrying alone on your back. You're trying to walk and hold it steady. It's so funny. Yes.

And then you got to reach around. Yeah. It feels to me like I'd rather have your assistance if you came on the back of me. Okay. I just, that's the only time. I agree that you can smear it on my body is when it's on the back of me. It's trying to like control it on your butt or your back. It's so funny when it's like with somebody you're really comfortable with. Like also usually if I'm a serious relationship, you couldn't come inside me. But like it's, it's just come is so funny. Like I've had sex with this guy not too long ago and I thought it hit my face.

Like he, I told him to come on my tits and I thought I felt it on my face like whizz by. I didn't feel like on my cheek. But he got a little. and I said, did you, I said, is there a cum of my face? And he said, no, it's in your hair. And it's just like the funniest conversation to be like, is there come on my face? Like, I didn't know him that well. And he's like, no, it's in your hair. You know, it's just like a very funny thing.

It is funny. Like, they aim for your tits and it does sometimes spray all over the place. He goes, I never said I had a good aim. I'm like, who has good, like, it was a funny thing to say. Like, I never said I had a good aim. It's like, you're fine. I don't, it's fine. It is so true to get mad at somebody and be like, in this orgasm,

you should have been aiming better. Oh, I wasn't mad. I just was like, is there a cup on my face? Like, it is so funny with the new person. That's far. Not for me. It's not as far for you. It's not as far for you. Like a normal size person. There is some distance. Oh my God. I don't request come on my tits that often or almost ever unless I'm like giving a blowjob and they're going to come. And then I'm like, you can come on my tits and like on my chin a little bit on your chin. It felt it felt really right in the moment. I like saying it. It's very hot. But you got to be careful with that cum talks. sometimes. Sometimes it causes somebody to orgasm a little too hard. I'll talk about it. On the tour. Come to the shows. Kansas City and St. Louis. Okay. That's really all I had for the intro. For Rex, I don't really, I'm so behind. I'm keeping a list in my notebook of stuff I need to watch. I am really excited to watch the Abercrombie documentary. We all do that tonight. I'm excited about it because it was such a big part of my

life growing up. I had a terrible experience with them, customer service related recently where I was like, I'm done with them. It was actually that bad. It was like shockingly bad. So fuck them. And I'm excited to watch it. But I mean, I still, you know, we all, it's still a nostalgic thing and like I like some of their clothes. But this is like, I think this is like, I think this portrays them in a not great light. I wonder what people are going to say about like, like, company culture, I think. I mean, they definitely did. Do you remember like what the people, I mean, the people they would hire.

It was like a known thing. You were hot if you could get hired there and they made people stand outside with their shirt off. I don't think they still do that. That can't be like a thing. My friend worked there and she, they said like don't engage with customers. Like act elitist as the staff. They would never ask you, can you help you? with anything. They would just be like in their folding and like not look at you.

Kate Kennedy, be there in five podcasts, did a whole deep dive in Abercrombie. So if you guys are really invested Abercrombie, I would even recommend you can forgo the Netflix stock and listen to Kate Kennedy. Or do both. Depends on how much you're on Abercrombie stand you are. Yeah. I start, well, I am like caught up on everything. I'm watching the we were, we crashed. I did. I caught up on everything. I'm caught up when we crashed. I finished the drop out. They're both so phenomenal. And then I started, seven days in June. And I just am loving it. It's a book. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm really enjoying it. And it is a fiction book. Now I'm on my fiction book journey. I'm reading another book by her, Tia Williams.

It's called The Perfect Find. And I just love her. I think she's a phenomenal writer. So we're both reading books by Tia Williams right now. Yeah. And I am, I have struggled to find any podcasts I like for a while. So I'm sure you guys feel the same. Just keep listening to us. If you're new here, thanks for being here. And yeah, just keep listening to us and nothing else. And give us a five-star review on Spotify and Apple. You can rate podcasts on Spotify. I did. I learned that from you recently. Okay. Okay, guys, we are so excited for our friend and guest today. She is an incredible comedian and writer. You've seen her on the Tonight Show. The Today Show. You've seen her profiled in Forbes. She is the host of the podcast, the Ali Colbert Show. Please welcome to

this show, Allie Colbert, not Colbert. Hello, hello, hello. Thank you so much for having me. Oh my gosh. We just learned seconds ago that we've been saying your last name wrong this whole time. Everyone says my last name wrong. I can relate my thought as egregious, but people, I have full-blown friends that still say Heseltine. Or Heslstein. They can't, like, shake it if they think it's a certain way. I don't hold it against people because it's not like I don't like Colbert.

Where's the accident? Is it Colbert or Colbert? Colbert. Colbert. Colbert. It's less French and more. Colbert. Yeah, Colbert gets me great dinner reservations.

For sure. Colbert gets the audience excited at comedy clubs. Colbert gets a lot of things. But Colbert is my truth. Colbert. Now I'm getting confused right. Like where's the like, you know, I was like, do you say Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving. Same. There's like no emphasis anywhere. Some people do Thanksgiving. Some people do Thanksgiving. Some people do. So, so weird. Thanksgiving. Yeah, there's no emphasis anywhere. Like, it feels like lazy. You're saying it. Second. You're saying it on the giving. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. So weird. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. You do it. Say it in Dutch. So, yes, we're glad that we cleared that up. Yes. You have a great energy with Azul.

Azul is back with us today. You guys are really, you have a similar vibe. Azul and I. Yes. I've been saying this for so long. Azul and I, I kind of sense that about him over socials. That him and I would get along. And then today, the second I saw him, I was like, oh, gosh, Daddy's home.

Unlike his mom, he is bye. Oh, okay, exactly. So I assumed, I don't know why. I was actually, I actually was so positive you were by. I actually am remembering this now. And I went on a date with a girl years ago. And she said she loved your podcast. And I said, you know Ashley's bye, right?

I also just am so flattered by this. Because I've been telling people. I think I'm the most like boring, straight white woman named Ashley. And so, yes, anyway, so I went on your podcast and you were just like, you're by, right? And it's such a, I thought before I answered, because you don't want to answer in a way that sounds like, that would be a bad thing. But you're like, you don't want to offend me that you're straight. I was like, no, no, sorry. Okay, but on top of this, I have to run the tape and go check this.

I did Ali's podcast like a couple months before that. I'm pretty sure I told you that Ashley is as straight as can be. I'm pretty sure that I told you. It's because we were talking about me hooking up with girls and you were like, is Ashley like that too? And I was like, no, not if there's anything wrong with that, but she's just, she's always both men. Well, that's the thing. Oh, you did say that?

Yeah, you've had the information. When you asked me, I was like, are you thinking of Raina? No, I was not thinking of Raina. The word on the street is your by. I was like, honestly, thanks. I thought you were gayer than Raina. And I have to say, not because of your vibes. Because, yeah, like, evidence says you're straight.

Like, you are straight. Why does evidence say she's straight? Energetically, you're a straight woman. And I'm not? Less so. I mean, it could help that you're... You look at me and you're like, she'll try anything. But Raina's way more just touchy in general.

Like, she'll be cuddled up with a friend on the couch, like tickling each other's arm. And it's like, she cuddles and just fingers are friends. Like, I don't want to be touched. Like, I was just like, it's true. Raina gives super lesbian vibes, especially if there are a few drinks. Yeah, I can't tell if it's your vise or like actually just what you're saying. I'm just like, okay, yeah, you're a lesbian.

I am. By the way, girls got to eat. Is it the dick you? you must eat? It's honestly open to interpretation and I came up with the name and the saying, if you're kind of in the southern way, you know, I was in Atlanta, feels very like, get you, get you a free meal. You know what I mean? Like make the man pay. Like a girl's got to eat, go out with, you know, go out and literally get dinner. And then I feel like there's an interpretation of like a girl's got to like get late and get a girl's got to get hers. But the whole thing was that

Raina was a food blogger. So I like the play. Like when we first started the podcast, I thought, we might talk about food. Right, right, right. Immediately, I was like, I'm going to quit this food blog the second this takes off. Yeah. How do you interpret it?

Yeah, I thought you were a food podcast initially years ago when I interviewed you for a show that I was hosting at the time. I think someone told me you were a lesbian food blog. I'm joking. I don't eat pussy. And they like reviewed diners.

Wait, a lesbian food podcast. Love that. I mean, I think these are all just my projections. You came on the show. I don't know why I thought it was food. someone didn't inform me, maybe I didn't do research. And then we connected at the stand and I remember thinking, she's by, huh?

And then I was like, would she ever, I'm like, is she into me? I'm like, I did feel like you were a little flirty. I mean, I was like, I've been trying to fuck you for years, Ashley. I know. And then when I did Allie's podcast, like telling her I don't want children, her eyes were just like, shoot at us. My eyes lit up as if we could be a thing, you're saying. I mean, I think you said that.

Well, I think I said that to you too. Were you trying to fuck me? I think when I meet women that don't want kids, I'm obvious, I'm just, a part of me is like, okay, you're an option. If I, like, don't, if it doesn't work out with Julian, I'll just, I can end up with one of you guys. You guys seem great. I can end up, whatever.

I think you're too, you're so tiny. That's the problem. She's too tiny physically for you. I would just feel like so huge. She's smaller than you. Yeah. Am I? I'm five feet tall.

I'm pretty little. I'm taller than that. Okay. You just give like petite energy. So do you, Rana. But you're just not as big. as you are. That's what she means. My boobs are a lot bigger. Also, you are...

I had a breast reduction. You know that you told me that. You did it? Because I was saying to you when I had the breast reduction, a lot of people reached out to me to like calm my fears and you were one of the people that told me that you had one. You're really young, right? You were 19? I was six. They were like, this big titty kid is just... They're like, we got to get her in there fast. Your dad's like, I can't go through the next 10 years like this. Take them off. Yeah, I was a freshman in college. And I was so ready to get a breast reduction.

My boobs were always so big and huge. They were like, I don't even know if it's a size. It was like a triple F. It was like an E, something's huge. What? And I always hid them. No. Okay.

I always hid them and I felt it was so disproportionate to my body. And I was like, this just doesn't feel like me. It's like is not who I am. This is not right. It doesn't, it's not reflective of how I feel. So when I got it, I was like, oh my God, I feel so much better. So much better. Yeah.

That's a really like brave decision at that age because I went to see a surgeon at 19 about doing it and I thought just like absolutely not. I'm not ready for this. Like I don't know how to make this decision for myself right now. It scared me a lot. So it's like very brave at that age to have done it. I mean, my mom was so supportive. She was like totally.

You should do it if you want to do it. I think my grandmother has, this is like a family tradition. Yeah. Okay. So tell us about yourself. Tell you about me. From birth. What's your life story?

Yeah. What's your brand? So I, I, I grew. grew up in Connecticut. And I always knew that I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Oh, really? That was, like, something I knew when I was really little. Oh, my goodness.

I would watch stand-up, like, I remember I would watch Jerry Seinfeld, Wanda Sykes. Eventually, I saw Sarah Silverman, Jesus is Magic. And I was like, I want to be a stand-up comedian. And I went to school in the city so that I could start doing stand-up. And when I came to New York, I was a freshman at NYU. I took this class at Caroline's on Broadway on how to be a stand-up comedian. And I did stand-up throughout college.

And when I graduated, I was on the Tonight Show at 23. And it was like my huge break. I was like, this is crazy. I couldn't believe that it had unfolded in that way. And it felt like I got something really big that I wanted really fast. And then throughout that time, I was like dealing with the fact

that I was like a closeted gay woman. And the first time I did, the Tonight Show, I had jokes about, like, guys. And the second time I did the Tonight Show, a few months ago, I was, like, talking about my girlfriend. And it feels a bit, like, a bit metaphorical to me, like, looking at those two sets side by side and seeing, like, I came out to myself throughout, like, the course of doing stand-up. So, like, I see the way, like, I was, like, closeted on stage and then not. That's a bit of my story. I feel really moved by that story. Yeah. Does it feel just, like, so amazing to watch that second set?

It feels amazing. It feels like I see the first set and I'm just like so not because I'm lying to myself, but just so out of touch with like who I was. Like it was something that was in reach, but I wasn't able to like embody identity. But do you look at that 23 year old young woman or like feel empathy? Yeah. I know it's you. But you know, I mean, I growing up was when I was really stressed out and depressed about

being gay and in the closet. And at that point in time, I was already kind of coming on the other side of that. It was clear to me what was going on. And I was like dating. I was able to explore things. But that wasn't like a dark, dark period in my life so much as it was, I would

soon be able to make changes in my life. Okay. Do you feel like there was like an age where you were like, oh my God, I am gay the way that like I was like, oh my God, I'm obsessed with men and I was like four? I mean, I was, yes, I totally do. and I was like seven years old and I remember

I was like, Azul, are you listening? I was like seven years old. As well, just feels comfortable. I feel like he's about to come out. Like he's relaxed. He's so cute.

I love him. Him and Georgia and I was like, this story really speaks to me. And I told my mom that I'm gay. And she was like, when I was seven? I was like,

I'm gay. I think I'm gay and I was crying. And she was like, don't worry. You're not. Like, you're not gay. Don't worry. Like, don't cry.

Like, how do you know? and she was really like trying to be comforting and loving. Like my mom is not homophobic. Like she's like this like liberal accepting person. But like I sometimes think like what I and I know now what I would say to my child. But if you are it's okay. Right. But like how does a six year old five, seven year old like know so clearly their sexuality?

I'm not like and I know what type of porn I like mom. Right. I know. A seven year old isn't sexualized enough to even understand what that means. Totally. So but I yeah, I was clear about it then. and then like, well, at least I felt I was.

And then I would go back and forth in terms of like how I felt about it over the next like 10 years. And just having boyfriends and stuff. I had a boyfriend in college. There was a girl that I went to high school with that I was super like crazy in love with. And she had a boyfriend. And she would still like lead me on. And we would basically like, we just would like express our love to each other and, you know, hook up, whatever. And she had this boyfriend.

and it was so, it was torture. Yeah. It was so painful. And like, I couldn't tell anyone. Like, I'm, you know, I love her and she loves me. And, like, I know she has this boyfriend. It was fucking awful. I don't wish that on anyone.

Yeah. But yeah, I was going through that. And then I was like, fuck this. I got to find a boyfriend and, like, prove to myself that I'm straight. Like, come on. I was like, I found this nice Jewish guy. This will be it. And then I was like, I can't do this.

I have a question for you. You can tell me if it's too personal. It's like a weird question, but you're a friend. Yeah. When you're a friend. having sex with a guy. Have you had sex with guys? Yes. What is it going through your head? Is this over?

When is this going to end? I'm just like not feeling it. It just feels like how I would imagine if you're like hooking up with someone that you feel platonically towards. I'm like your body is like intimate with my body and I'm not turned on. I'm not wet. I'm not wanting more. I feel disconnected like emotionally from the experience and the way that like I'm not getting turned on emotionally, spiritual. sexually sexually. I guess that's, yeah, I mean, I can picture it.

Right? With someone that you're not. Right? Yeah. I love the question because I've told you like one of my best friends like for a long time is a lesbian. She's married to a girl. And she said that she dated men for a long time, slept with men, but she didn't enjoy it and just assumed everybody felt like that. So she did not necessarily, she identified that she was interested in women, but like she also thought she might be interested in men. She was like, I didn't like sex and I just thought everybody was just like lying that they enjoyed this. Well, a lot of the other dialogue is like, yeah, sex sucks the first time. Yeah, you have to figure out what you like, oh, giving head fucking sucks. And I'm just like, totally. I'm just like fully gay. But like,

yeah, I don't know how to unpack that at like 17. And I'm like, mom, like, you know, who do you go to? My friends were virgins too. And I guess there's also a difference between knowing you're gay and being like, I hate this and I would rather be with a woman and being just confused in general about what your sexuality is. Totally. And I mean, it was more so it's like for me, and I think this goes for anyone, like all sexualities is like, my sexuality was more clear, like in the moments where I wasn't having sex. Like in the moments where I see someone, you know, a woman that I'm like, oh my God, I want to be so close to you.

I'm so attracted to you. Like I can feel my heart start rate. Like everything that happens when you have a crush on someone. Like I'm feeling that with like my camp friend. And I'm like, fucking hell. Yeah. Was there anybody that you could turn to? Because, I mean, I remember thinking like this about female masks.

I used to masturbate to lesbian porn only, and I remember thinking, like, this is the deepest, darkest secret I will ever have and I will never tell a person. And it wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I could finally tell somebody. Was there anybody you could tell about this? I'm not comparing the two, by the way.

Watching lesbian porn is not a struggle. It's a good question. No, I don't think so. There was, like, a point where I was like, I can tell people I'm bisexual. And I would be like, oh, I think I might be bi. But no, not until I finally was able to, like, act like I didn't care.

Then I would sound like I didn't care. and then I started to actually not care. And then when was that? Like when was that? Yeah. Like, when was that? That would be, okay, well, this is, I might have spoken to you about this on my podcast,

but I was dating this guy and I met this girl at NYU and she was in my, like, comedy class. And I saw her and I was like, oh my God. Like my, like, hair's on my arms, like, everything. I was like, she's so, I was so moved by her. I don't know. I was like, I'm going to, like, be with her. She had a boyfriend, too.

We started like texting and she came over to my apartment one night and we like spent the night together and it was like a movie. It was like out of a movie that like we both had boyfriends but there was just this thing that I was like, oh my God. That moment, that night happening opened a whole thing in me where I was like this isn't that scary. I'm not in the small town anymore where like how I show up in high school is like who I am in my life. You know what I mean? Like that's your entire like global community is like people in your cafeteria. Right, right, right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, I was like, oh, this is a city. I can, like, explore things. I don't have to be dating, like, Brian, who went to Syracuse, give me a fucking break. Right. Did you feel a lot of, like, we know, again, this is a super personal, so you don't have to answer it. Also, you just took your shoes off. It looks so comfy.

Fine, I'm going to do that too. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys do anything? I'm sorry, right now. Who, me and the girl? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God. So I remember we, what the fuck? Was I supposed to imply that? What? I think so? Was it? No, you can ask. I'm not, I'm really not offended by any of this. No, I didn't know if you, like, just cuddled and laid together.

No, no, we, I mean, no, we, like, did more than cuddle. I wouldn't say, like, I didn't eat her out or anything like that. But I remember her saying, I remember she was like, you know, if I didn't have a boyfriend, I would, like, I would totally, like, do whatever. She blamed some of some of it on the boyfriend. And I was, like, crushed again. I was like, mother fucker, all these girls keep blaming shit on their boyfriends. Please.

Mm-hmm. You have expressed in the past, like, that you developed a lot of, like, anxiety and depression issues, like, because you were hiding this? Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, was there any way to deal with that when, like, high school college? Like, if you're talking to girls right now that are like, I do not know how to come out with this.

Like, how did you feel? Yeah. I mean, I think it's a little bit different now. I would hope it's a little bit better. Like, you think the 90s are so progressive, but like growing up as a lesbian in the 90s, I like, who did I have like Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen to look up to? I'm like, those are not like sexual human beings. Like, that's not who I want to.

I don't know. There was no one in the culture. Everyone has Miley Cyrus and Kristen Stewart and all these women that are like cool and like vocal about their fluidity. I mean, therapy. I was in therapy. It's like, you know,

it's just like, it's a classic thing people say is like therapy. I don't even know how helpful therapy is to a lot of people. I think therapy's great, but like I needed to do a lot more work because what ended up happening was I felt like so much like, honestly trauma around growing up closeted

that I needed to like work out in ways that were like beyond just like talking to someone for 45 minutes a week. But just like starting to tell someone who's close to you who you trust, you know? Yeah. Just like one person just feels so powerful. Anyone other than holding it alone. Like I told my sisters first.

Were they like really open? Yeah. Oh, they were great. My youngest sister I told first because she's like, she's just so cool. She went to boarding school. She's like, you think I haven't hooked up with a girl? I'm like, okay, cool. It's also like these days, it's just celebrities and pop culture aside.

It's the people in your fucking high school. Yeah. Like, no one was gay in my high school. No. Like a few people who you would assume, but I don't think anyone was out. One day guy. Like, yeah, maybe one. But I still am trying to think if he was even out.

And now it's like, is there even any stigma in high school these days? Could you imagine meeting a cool lesbian in your high school? Like, that was so not a thing. That was so not a thing. Lesbian was an insult in my high school. A hundred percent. I mean, and I'm older than you, but it just wasn't like there was nobody in the actual community. that was like out and proud.

There was one boy in my high school. Not even in college. Yeah. Yes. 2300 kids I went to high school with. There was one gay boy that I knew of, one gay boy. But yeah, I didn't know anybody. And there were no pop culture representations of this. I'm going to date myself so much.

Ellen. Yeah, Ellen and Will and Grace. I was like, oh my God, that's so crazy. And Will and Grace, there's no lesbian in that. Right. Just gay men, which I think became maybe a little more acceptable earlier. I don't know. I guess it'll be Karen. I'll be a drunk bitch.

I mean, as sex of the city, I feel like, was one of the first representations. I remember the power lesbians. Yeah. Remember Charlotte wanted to, like, be in that. They just made it seem so cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which it is.

But I was just like, that seems like a cool community be a part of. Yeah, I remember that. Rich power lesbian. Even sex in the city is so, like, the stuff they said was like so dated. With like, remember bisexuality is a stop to gay town. Yeah. But at its time, at least it was like showing it. Totally.

Samantha was like, I'll be with a woman. Right. Anyway. Yes. Okay. And so let's talk about your relationship now. Yeah. Let's talk about it.

You're in a long-term, long-term? Long-term. Almost two years. Oh, almost two years. Almost two years. You met pre-COVID. We met right at the top of COVID. Like, like, two weeks before COVID, when everyone was like, I don't know, Italy's, like,

freaking out. Something is going on in Italy, like, what? Look at those losers wearing masks. They're like singing opera to each other's windows. We're like, what is going on there? It was wild. Where did you meet? We met because my girlfriend, in the most L.A. thing ever,

she is a yoga teacher and a transformational life coach. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. She's wonderful, though. Like, I'm fully enrolled in like whatever she's doing. Like, she's not a joke. She is so the real deal. Okay.

And she was holding this, like, retreat into Panga, California. And it was, like, cannabis and, like, sound bath and movement and yoga. And then she had a comedy show. What? What? I love that. No, she's, like, when you're done, like, meditating and, like, and like moving your body around

and like letting out all of this anger and you do yoga and you smoke a little pot. She's like, I want to watch comedy. I love these things. This is my life and I like laughing. Love it. I love that. So I wanted to have like a comedy show at the end of this day retreat

and they were like, do you want to perform on this? My friend told me. This guy who actually, this is an interesting story because there is a guy involved. A guy who I started spending time with. I was in between relationships. I was like, he's hot.

Am I straight again? Like I'm confused. This always happens to me. This always happens to me. Between relationships. You always do this, Allie. I'm like, should I just, like, see if I like dick again? Yeah.

And then I'm always like, nah. But I always just want to like make sure because I'm neurotic. In between relationships. You're like, I want to be in relationship with a woman. Like I love, I think women are like amazing. Men, I'm like, ah, you guys are okay. But once in a while I'm like, they're really talented or like they're really rich. And I'm like, okay, you know, okay, maybe I'll sleep with them.

It's so true. Like being straight is, it's a curse. I know. To like men? I know. It's humiliating. One of my favorite, like, memes is like, your sexuality is absolutely not a choice, because why would I choose this? Right.

Right. Why would you? Why would you choose men? And they smell. A lot of them smell. So I'm talking to this guy. He's like, I've been dating this girl. She's having this retreat.

Why don't you come and perform? Your girlfriend's retreat? This is a crazy story. What? So I'm like. I am so invested. So. Wait, you were fucking her boyfriend?

Or you were thinking about sitting with her boyfriend? He was not her boyfriend. He was, he was a guy. She was dating. And he's this very L.A. guy. He's like super connected. I think he's super hot. Is he single? I have some reasons why I don't think he's for you. But we'll talk after. That he was sleeping with two people at the same time. But no, he wasn't. We weren't sleeping together. So anyway, he's like, why don't you want to do this show? I go. I get to the show. It's like in the woods. It's like these like lights. It's like magical. Magical. I love this. Okay. And everyone's in this like yurt. Their shoes are off. And I see two girls standing outside. Brunette, blonde, the blue.

blonde has like long blonde flowing hair. She's wearing this gorgeous white dress. My girlfriend is beautiful. She like to me, I mean, she looks like Kate Hudson. Like she's stunning. I see her, I'm like, oh, wow. Like this girl is gorgeous. I'm like, why are you not like in a relationship with this girl?

I'm saying this to my friend. I'm like, this is insane. Like you should be like lock this down. Like I start talking to her and it's like one of these things where you immediately are laughing with the person and you're like, okay, we're on the same exact wavelength. Like the energy is so connected. I'm like, fuck. I'm like, I cannot be.

obsessed with another straight girl. It happens to me my whole life. And now she has a boyfriend. This is going to happen to me again. This is like my core wound. It's like that women I love love men. This is awful, you know. And I go in and I'm, we're laughing.

And I'm like, this is so, I'm like, oh, she's going to go home with this schmock. I'm like, he doesn't even see what he has here. Like, he's like hesitant to like lock anything down with her. She probably doesn't even, I'm getting frustrated now. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. I got to leave here after. I don't want to be, like, really, like, hanging out with her too much

because I could feel immediately that I was, like, into her. And I don't want to, like, be friends with someone that I like. It's too painful. And I perform. And I'm like, I'm going to do my set about how I, like, date women. I usually, like, don't always do those jokes. But I'm like, I want to do that just so she knows. That, like, I date women and, like, let me throw this out there.

Yes. And I'm like... A million percent, the right choice. Yeah. And she's, like, laughing. And I'm like, all right, at least I, like, made it known. and, you know, I tell her how amazing the event was. It was, I really wanted to move to L.A. after this event.

Because I was, like, kind of scoffing at all this L.A. bullshit. And then I was like, no, this, like, actually makes you feel good. And, like, people can, like, kind of look down on all this stuff. But, like, if you feel good living a life like this, then, like, why are you making fun of it? Like, yeah, if you eat plant-based and do yoga and you like your life, like, good joke, I'm happy. Right. It's so true. You know? Like, and everyone in New York's like, fuck, that, that fucking's.

sucks. I'm like, really? I'm like, I'm like, the happiest I've ever been. First of all, I look amazing. Yeah, my skin's glowing. I'm happy. Make fun of me all you all. We talked about that a lot during COVID when everybody launched these like at-home businesses and people were roasting them for like teaching on the internet and things like that. And we're like, but that makes them happy. Yeah. What is there to make fun of? Let people be happy. Yeah. Anyway, she follows me on Instagram. I'm like, yes. And she starts doing like the story reply. I'm like, okay, so we're in a relationship. This is all going according to plan. I'm like, okay.

Nailed the set. And then... Are you in New York at this time? I'm in New York. I'm back in New York. And I'm talking to that guy still. That guy is like into me at this point. That guy is like full on into me.

Him and her are not a thing anymore. Oh. Okay. Yeah. I'm not going through all the details. This is what I'm able to tell. Okay. So he's definitely into me and I'm like still not in a relationship.

I'm like, this girl's not an option. Him and I kind of have a bit of like a moment in time. And then I'm like over him. Over him. So I reach out to her. And I'm like, you know, I kind of like, whatever with him. And I said, I didn't fuck him. But we, honestly, I think I like gave him a hand job.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. Like old school. But you have to understand. This is my favorite story. I'm not like, I'm not like riding dick at this point. So like a lesbian to give a hand job. Like that's huge.

It's a lot. You're like, you're getting nothing out of it. You've inspired me to give a hand job. Like, I'm a full on dyke. Yeah. Okay. So like, you know, like. Oh my God.

Your dick is in my hand. Yeah, so don't think it's nothing. Clearly, like, if I'm jerking you off, you've brought something alive in me. For sure. So, and then I tell, I reach back up to Julian, and I don't say, hey, gave that guy you were dating a hand job. That would have been funny.

Instead, I'm like, fuck that guy. Like, I kind of got turned off by some of the way he, like, was around that when we started, like, going into that space together. And she was like, yeah, he, like, is really, like, fucked up. So you guys are bonding over this. It is literally John Tucker must die if the girls finger each other.

It's so good. That's such a great call. She's Ashanti and you're whatever. This is so funny. I was thinking that my ex got a new girlfriend. I was like, I should text his ex-wife. Be like, let's bond over this. Yeah.

So we're bonding over it and we're texting. And then we start like, then she's like, let's talk on the phone. We're talking on the phone. And I'm telling her about the girls I'm dating. She's telling me about guys she's dating. And it's just getting to a place around like, oh. Like, you know you're on the phone with someone and you're just like, fuck. You're like, you can't breathe.

It's just like, you know those phone calls? Do you have phone calls with people you're dating? I have a lot of them. to them on the other end. She can talk to her about it. Oh my God. It's like the hottest thing in the world. When you just hear them on the other line and you're like, I want to jump your bones.

And she fills me up with so much happiness. Maybe we'll go back to this. Maybe this is part of the story so I don't want to cut you off. But like, what is she thinking this whole time? Is she thinking like what am I, is she thinking as this quote unquote straight woman like, what am I doing? Why am I having these phone dates with this girl? That's why I'm not assuming she wants anything. I'm like, you're 34 years old.

You probably know if you like are bisexual by now unless you're Ashley. Right, right. You know. If I have a phone date with a girl, I'm, I want to fuck you. Because I would never. I'm like, I'm like writing and making a note of it. If I'm like, should we get on the phone? I'm a lesbian.

Right. So I'm like, you know, she's, I, and then I'm like, I don't want to be the weirdo lesbian. Like the second anyone's my friend, I'm like, sure you're into me, right? You know what I mean? It's so true though. It's so presumptuous to be like, this person is probably into me. Maybe she just likes talking on the phone. No, yeah.

I'm like, I don't want to be. But I, I, I, I, I don't want to be. But I. But I spend hours on, like, phone dates because all my relationships are a long distance. And I love a phone date, but it is presumptuous to be like this person's into me. Yeah. So even me, even at this one, I've had two really long relationships with women. Azul, we're going to need you to sit down.

So. Stop pacing. No, I'm joking. Ozu's a good story. So we're talking on the phone. She's like, I've heard better. She's like, I have a book you should read. By the way, if someone likes you and they recommend a book, you will read like 300 pages in like 45 minutes.

I will send them photos. I will post it on a minute. Instagram story. It's so true. Yeah, she's like, you should read Untamed. Oh. Oh. And then I'm like, I'm like, I don't want to like read a book. Like, what is the book about? She's like, just read it. Oh my God. I'm like, I'm like, I'm reading about Clinton and Abby. I'm like, the fuck. I'm like, what the first chapter? You were like, do you read like, I get it? This is like a movie. The first chapter she talks about it. She left her husband for a woman. I messaged her. I'm like, this is a lesbian book. She's like, yeah. She's like, yeah. She's like not being like loaded about it. She's not being like, strategic and calculated about it. I'm like, um, okay. I read the book. After I read the book, I'm like, okay, so she's in love with me. I am listening to this story as if I don't know how it ends. Like I'm literally on the edge of my seat. Like, and then what happens? Are they going to get together? Literally knowing that you guys are together. This is shocking. Right? I'm like, okay, you're in love with me. I'm in love with you. Like, she explained why she wanted you to read untamed. I sent her a play I wrote. I wrote a one woman show.

Okay. And it is about all the, it's about, it's about, two women I dated before and myself. And it's called Allie, Allie, Alley. Alley, Alley. Because all the girls I dated before were named Allie. Really? Yeah. And I'm going to take it on tour. And I sent it to her. And I'm like, read this play that I just wrote. And it's very open about my sexuality and my experiences. And I think from that place, she was like read untamed. It's like a similarly like finding yourself, your sexuality. Whatever. But still, I'm like, oh, Glennon and Abby, hello. Abby.

Allie? Allie. Allie and Abby. Let's tell people what the book is about also. It's Glenn and Doyle. Julian. Are we? Lenden Doyle, was she's like a self-help person? She used to be a Christian author. Yeah.

And then she, she fell in love with Abby Wambach who was on the Olympic soccer team. Oh, of course. And she left her husband and married a woman. And she had never been with alone before and the whole book is like her like

just like setting her life on fire and being like, I'm a lesie. And everyone was like, that was amazing. I think I'm going to read it. I also obviously like didn't realize it was Abby.

I don't know the story. I feel like I'm the person that doesn't. No, you know. People don't know about Untamed and I know Glenn and Doyle is, but I didn't realize was Abby Wombach. Like, you know, I used to. I'll give you the book. Right.

So I read the book. The women's soccer team. Oh, you really were? I mean, I played soccer and I was just like very, I'm very into like women's soccer. Right. Because I'm lesbian. Yeah, I know.

I know. I'm like keeping a tally. Sorry, I'm by. I'm sorry to derail the, derail the story, but I wanted people to know what you're talking about. Okay, no, totally. So then we're texting. she's like, when are you going to come to L.A. So we can hang out in person.

Also, like, the back of my head is COVID. Like, what date was this? This was maybe June, June 2020, the height of the pandemic. Oh, we're still, COVID had happened. COVID is, COVID is taking people at this moment. Okay. Okay. So June 2020, I'm like, I'm not coming to L.A.

There's a pandemic. I don't have a house out there. I was just there. When was the retreat? The retreat was in February. The retreat before COVID struck. Yeah. And now you guys were just talking over COVID.

I'm in New York. She's in L.A. We're like doing, and I circle back to her in like May because of this guy. Got it. We're going back and forth. I'm like, I'm not coming to L.A. We keep in touch. We talk on the phone a few times.

Every time we talk on the phone, I'm like, whoa, this is intense. Remember, we got off the phone one time. I texted her and I was like, you're, like, so quickly, you're, have become my favorite person in the world. Like, something like crazy like that. If somebody. Just wrote that down. For her next phone date. There's nobody I want to say that to.

I was like, I can't get enough of you. And I'm like, I don't know where I'm. I'm coming though. So, and I kind of was like, ah, this is so weird. And then I booked a television show in, in L.A., during COVID, that would start filming in L.A. in two weeks. What are the odds? What are the odds? What are the odds? So I write to her and I said, I just booked a show. I'm coming to L.A. for

two months. And they were paying for you to stay somewhere. So, like, it takes away, like, you needing to stay with her, which is, like, the best scenario in the world. So, and I'm like, I land on Sunday. Like, when am I going to see you? And she was like, Sunday. Oh, my God. It's happening. What is going to happen next? So I landed. in L.A.

I land in L.A. This is like kicking up the story. Oh, I did. Are you fucking with me. No, I'm dead serious. This is my real personality. I acted. Okay, okay.

It's way too much. Okay. No, no, I love it. You should watch, no, you will not love it if you watch her do the wordle. Oh, word. I think that there is a national emergency. I'm done today's word.

I text her, I'm like, I need to get clear on if this is a date or not. Oh. Because at this point, at this point, I don't really, I'm saying to you in retrospect, I'm able to color this with all these details. But we're not like... Wait, is that a really hard text to send? I said to her,

I said, you know I'm flirting with you, right? On the phone you said it over text. Okay, and that was that day when you got there or some other time? No, no, no, that was like two days before I left. Okay. For to go to L.A. And she was like, yes, yeah.

And did she say I'm flirting with you too? She was like, yes. I was like, is it okay that I'm flirting with you? And she said, yes, that's very much okay. Okay. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm going. dying. Got to LA. It's also like Pretty One Listing. I feel like that's a

really solid line. Is that like an original or is that like in the I have so many lines honestly. I feel a little bit bad. I have a lot of moves I use on dates. But that is like one of the that could span all sexualities like is it okay that I'm flirting with you is such a cute flirty way to ask like do you like me

back? Because sometimes you're talking to somebody and you're like this feels weirdly like you've brought up like I'll be talking to a guy and they'll bring up another girl or something. I'll be like are you into me? Yeah, sometimes people do that, though, just to, like, bring on. But if someone asked me that and, like, I didn't like them back, I'd be like, hello, well. I mean, anything other than an emphatic, yes, it's okay, I feel like you have your answer too.

I love this. Okay. Yeah. So then I check into the hotel. I meet her at the hotel that I've told you both to stay at 100 times because it's so amazing. That rooftop is, like, magical. I go to the rooftop and I'm, like, waiting for her. I'm, like, shaking.

It's like, sleeping since Seattle. I'm like... I almost went to a date there on Friday. Okay, no, wait. Sorry, I derailed you. Go, do your story. Wait, so she finally gets there and I'm like, I've only met her once in person at one time at the, whatever, her event. And she's like freaking out.

I can tell. She's like super nervous. She'd never been on a date with a woman before. She's like shaking. She sits down. We start talking. Oh, hold on. Yeah.

Damn it. Did you... Don't cut back. Did we know what she is? Damn it. Because then we asked you about the Floridian text. So you said, I want to be clear if this is a date. Did we get that answer?

I didn't say, I want to be clear if this is a date. I was just saying to you, I wanted to be clear. So I sent the text, you flirting with me. Oh, sorry, okay. Or is it okay if I'm flirting with you? You didn't say, you didn't say, I want to be clear this is a date? No, I didn't say that. You knew it was a date.

I was saying that to you. What I said to her was, is it okay if I'm flirting with you. So she comes in, she sits down. I can tell she needs a minute. I'm like, just take a minute. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Like, whatever. I order her drink before she got there.

like asked her what she wanted. I got a power move. You're so bad. Yes, got to do that. Then she comes back and she was, after she had like a drink or two, she was okay. But she was definitely,

she definitely needed to like chill out for a little. And I asked her if I could kiss her. And I kissed her. Like early on or you like that. Like probably about like 45 minutes in. I was like, I really, can I please kiss you?

And it's just like the phone. Yeah, I'm like, I need to kiss you. I've been speaking to her for so long. I like, I really like, really like, I can't even like get over this. Like I want to, now I want to,

we got to interview her. I got a bunch questions for her actually, and you'll answer what you're able to after this. Yeah. So I say that to her and we leave there and she, I go to her house and she shows me her house. That night. That night. Then you kissed her there. Yeah, I kissed her there.

I was like holding her hand while we were talking. It was like doing like lots of like hand stuff the whole time. It was like amazing. And we went back to her house and I was just, I couldn't, I was in heaven. And we didn't, we didn't have sex that night. I didn't sleep at her house, anything like that. because I was like, this is like, I feel so intensely about this person that, like, I can't just, like, do all that right now. It's way too much. Um, and then I was there also for like two months. So we got to spend like so much time together. It was like, I would see her every day then. I was seeing her like all the time. Every day, like when I was done filming, if I didn't get out too late, I would go to her place or she would come to my hotel. And by the time I left, I was like, I'm going to go back to New York. I'm not going to date other people. Like, you can do whatever you want, but I'm not going to date anyone else. I think there's something to be said about not having sex on her state and, and, but, like realizing, especially for somebody who's never been with women, that like, it might be a little

too much the first time. Yeah. It was totally clear that like that was not like even something we were going to like do on the first date. So like I don't, you don't have to give any information about her life. She's a private person. But she never ever, I know she never dated a woman. Had she ever like hooked up with women? So she'd never hooked up with a woman. What had happened for her was that there was a girl, a woman, I should say, that she kind of like was into and had of like vibes vibes with and that woman pursued her a little. But that woman was kind of like fuck boy in a lesbian's body. And like she couldn't connect with her in a way where she was like, I can't explore this. And it just never like crossed her path otherwise. She was like dating guys. And yeah.

I'm just, I'm so fascinated by the story, but just really fascinated by her. Because would she say that she was closeted or just? No, not at all. And like, at what 34, 35, like you just make this life change. I mean, it's really so cool. Yeah. I mean, she's like, I... There is hope for you. She has no... She's not something that, like, I hid for myself or I felt like I wasn't being real. She's had really serious

boyfriends that she's thought about, like, marrying and building a future with. She's like, I remember one of the first, like, notes she wrote me was like, I am so stunned, by the way. I've, like, reshaped my whole life for, like, everything I knew about myself has been like redesigned for you. And it's, it's like pretty all inducing that like you could have an idea of who, like what you would do or what you'd be interested in. And then that kind of just shifts

based on like how you feel. Can we talk about it a little bit? Yeah. As much as you're willing to share like what that was like for her to share. Like if I said to one of my friends tomorrow, I have a girlfriend. I have a serious girlfriend. I don't think anybody would care. But I think people would have questions. Like is this something that you'd always thought about, you know? So, like, what was that like with her friends and family? Well, she... And for you, what was that like? Yeah, I mean, she was more so, like, surprised, but, like, so unintimited by it.

Like, and I think I have more shit around being gay because I knew it and kept it a secret forever. Mm-hmm. Whereas she is kind of this, like, hip, fun girl who, like, stumbled into it. So she is not, like, in judgment of herself. So she is able to have, like, a lighter relationship with it. And it happened older. Yeah.

Like, I'm a full-blown adult. Yeah. That, you know, I don't have to. deal with these, like, coming into my own growing up with a secret. Right. She's like, I'm, she's like, this is bizarre. She was like, I'm, this is so fun and, like, weird. And, like, I'm so surprised.

Like, she was just as surprised as the people in her life. You know? They were like, her mom was like, what the fuck? She's like, literally, what the fuck? Like, I'm so, I'm so confused. And I remember she was, she was very nervous about telling her mother. And her mother and I have hit it off beyond belief. I got my parents would be so excited.

If you were a lesbian? I think everybody would be like, thank God. You're going to do so much better. I can see my mom being like, I don't care. Do whatever you want. Yeah. I've never been able to stop you from doing anything. Right.

Right. I mean, yeah, I think everyone would have, I mean, I think it's normal to like the fear of like, what will my parents say. Right. Well, she's also not super religious, right? And I want to validate that. It's not, that's not everybody's story. Like, even at 35, 40.

Totally. Oh, my God. It's not like a, not everybody's family would even be cool with it then. So I want to validate people's, like, struggle no matter what. Yeah. And, you know, her mom, this is also, I think this is a good note for people that have felt, I don't know, have felt any sort of way about coming forward about their sexuality is like, I found the most success when I can, using the word enroll again,

because it's been coming up in this work my girlfriend and I are doing. But like, I can enroll the people in my life into the person I'm dating faster than I can enroll them into my sexuality. So, like, if I can get you guys to love Julian, it's much easier for you to then be like, Ali's gay. And I love Julian. And that makes so much sense to me, as opposed to just, like, having an idea in your mind of, like, what gay looks like, what the person I'm dating looks like that you have a

question mark around. Do you know what I mean? I think it's a really beautiful note because when I think about the fear of telling a parent, like, I'm gay because your parents might be like, what is their life going to look like, and is it going to be harder. And I think that's probably, like, what a lot of parents think is I don't want my child of a hard life. Right.

When you bring home somebody you really care about that's fun and light and just like any other relationship, then they can see like you're happy and you're quote unquote normal. Yeah, it's not a scary like idea

when you meet someone and you're like, oh my God, you're like my family. I think that it goes for different race, religion, anything that like a family might be, a disproving or be unsure of

like meeting the person and being like, oh, these fears were irrational. Yeah. Absolutely. And a lot of these families that claim to be liberal families,

they overprotect their children because they're afraid in these situations, the world will be really hard on you. But what ends up happening is because they're trying to protect them, they end up sourcing all of that, like, hatred themselves. It's like, I've dated people who, like, their parents are super liberal, super accepting, and they're like, but people might not accept you. Stop, you should really think about this.

It's like the only person I'm getting met with resistance by is you. Ew, yeah, yeah. Okay, so we out with a relationship been going well? I mean, you guys live together? The relationship is going well. We live together. Aside from one thing. It's going well. It's going well.

But what has now become the landscape of the relationship is that she's eight years older than me and she wants to have babies like really fast, really soon, like yesterday. And I've always been like babies, question mark, future. Like future me will figure that out. And now I have to like do the legwork around like, okay, no, I have to figure that out. I can't keep pushing it off for my future self to, like, cycle through. Okay. So let's tackle both of those things.

Okay. Also, has she always wanted kids, like, even when she was straight? The most maternal when she was straight. I'm saying, like, did she meet you? And she's like, now I want to have kids. No, no, no. She's always one of children. She's, like, incredibly maternal.

She's one of these women that, like, sees children. It's like, oh, my God, my ovaries are on the floor. And I'm just like... I can't relate to her anymore. I'm so not... I'm so not like that. We're out of Julian. No, I mean, I'm so not like that either.

Like, so... do not have that response to children. I mean, Rayne and I would never say you could change your mind. That's not even in the realm of things we would say, but it's also, the age difference plays a part here. Yeah, it absolutely does. And like, I have been asking myself the question over and over

again of like, what is more important and is it more important to have children when I want, or is it more important to have the partner that I could see myself having children with? Which question should I put higher value on? So what is that that process been like for you? I mean, I've done a bunch of exercises

to help me figure out if I want kids. The first has been asking parents that I know what they find to be the most rewarding part about being a parent. And I've asked all sorts of people this question in my life, like single moms. I've asked gay couples that have adopted children. I've asked everyone.

And then I have just sat with it a lot and reflected. And I've done a lot of work around this, like not just like sitting around thinking, I've done, I've talked about this on my show, but like this program called Atlas, where you go and you have two like weekends of like this like somatic body work. And like I really want to be thoughtful about this decision. And I couldn't be more committed to her and the life that I imagined with her. And I think the answer will be in us like merging our timelines in some way. And like that's where we're figuring it out now. Like I can't do it next year. And I could have a kid in three years. Have you ever wanted to be? kids? Like, I mean, what does that look like? I haven't ever thought to myself, like, I need to have a baby inside of me. What I have felt is, like, I love family.

Like, I'm a huge family person. And I'm not always going to be in the space of, like, my sisters and I are with my mom and dad. Like, at some point, it's up to me to fulfill the role of parent if I want to continue having, like, nuclear family in my life in that way. That's how I feel. Do you feel like you just like your life, how it is? And like, I mean, because it's the most drastic change, you know? Like I think some people are like, I just like us. I want to travel the world and not be tied down and not, you know, have more freedom and like live this life and like you're enough like as two partners or?

I'm honestly, if she said to me, I don't want to have kids. I would be like, I would be like, wait, what the fuck? I was first be like, what the fuck are you, Julian? But then I would start thinking of, like, she could inspire me to live different lives. Like for sure. I could see myself being with. her and not having children. I can see myself being with her and her having children. And like, I see in her how amazing of a mother she would be. I see this desire she has. I want her to be

her fullest self. I am also, she knows my priority. She knows that I'm committed to my career. And like that's not something that I will just like sacrifice in order to make this work. But like, can we live in the end? As they would say in LA, can you live the both end? Yeah, I would say while I will commit to living my biggest life and like being risky with my life. Okay. Have you talked about kind of her being a primary parent? Yeah, I'm like, listen, you'll be at home with the kids and I'll be in New York cheating on you. Yeah. Like, you're like, I'm the dad. No, I mean, I do make-

I do make jokes that, like, I'm the dad. But, like, if she wants to be a primary caretaker for our child, then fuck yeah, that sounds dope. I don't want to be the primary caretaker. Also, I said parent. I met caretaker. I said primary parent. I mean, I didn't. I don't know. I thought you said primary caretaker. But, you know, like, I just know that, like, I just know that, like, my life with her will be amazing. Okay. Have you talked in therapy? I'm just wondering if this has come up, like, if that in theory makes sense, but in practice, like a lot of people say that in theory, but in practice makes people unhappy. And is that like a thing? Yeah, I, I hear that. I'm like,

if she wasn't who she was, I would have so many concerns. I've never met someone who is, like, as emotionally capable and wise as this person. She's, like, so grounded in, like, like what feels reasonable and like in integrity with what the things that we're talking about. And yeah, I hear what you're saying. I mean, look, I'm going to be obsessed with the kid. Like I know myself too. Like, yeah, kids are annoying. I'll like my own kid.

I'm not saying it to you. I also think a lot of things, a lot of things in life, especially like moving in with a partner, sounds a lot scarier in theory than it is in practice. And when you end up doing it, it's really fun and nice and an exciting thing to do together. So I don't think that. Not for everybody. I mean, I was terrified of moving in with her. We know people that thought that way,

now they have the kid. They're like, this was a mistake. Anything can happen, you guys. Totally. No, it's true. But I was terrified of living with her. Okay. Have you lived with a significant other?

Multiple significant other. You have? Yeah. And were you, like, freaked out before you went into the situation? No. No, Raina. Well, she should have been. I was a little too chill.

And I'm over here like, you're going to hate it. I was terrified. I've had multiple experiences that are different. I had one that sort of just happened. by default. The one I chose to do, I was the person I was engaged to. And we moved in together after three months of dating. We lived together for three years. And it was great. I loved it. We'd a wonderful life together. Yeah. But I'm more like you where it's my nightmare. Which part? Which part? I'm living with somebody, also children. But I'm not having children

that's off the table. But like living with someone might come up someday. Yeah. I mean, someone might want to live with me. Can you create a living situation where your space is like protected? Not New York. Why not? I mean, well, no, I mean. You can't. Yeah, of course. I just, it's not to share an apartment in New York.

Yeah. And that's something that I would say. I mean, I get, never say never, Justin Bieber. But like never. I feel like I will never do it in an apartment in New York. But a person might open up something in you that you're, I mean, could you? Yeah, that's why I say never say. I mean, anything's possible.

I just, I do feel, we know plenty of couples live together in New York City and are perfectly happy. It never worked for me. That's why I left for L.A. I didn't really, I don't enjoy, unless if we have the exact same schedules too, and I'm working all day long and then with you all night long, I just, I really, I love my personal space. I love my own, I need emotional distance. We were on an amazing bachelor's party this weekend with 10 girls I was crazy about.

Every morning I got and went to the beach alone. I like to be alone a little bit. Yeah, I mean, no, I like alone time as well. But we've had to talk about that living together. They talk about like, okay, we need to like spend a little less time together right now. That's great. And that's like so healthy. Yeah. I feel like the couples that are scared to say, I need space from you, got to figure it out.

No, we'll go through it though. Like she said it to me a few months ago and I was like, oh my God, you're rejecting me. Like, how dare you? You know, this is like my reactive self. And I was like, no, I see what you're saying. I agree. Okay. Like I'll see you in a relationship that like both of us can say you're annoying me.

Yeah. And I'd be like, I get it. Yeah. I'm annoying. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Totally.

100%. I'm annoyed myself. Do you feel like we wrapped up what you wanted to say about thinking about having kids? I guess. I don't know. Did I give closure to it? I love it. I mean,

it sounds to me like you are not a hard now. I just think, it's like things feel different when you're alone. I mean, like maybe that's also just for me. But like I am, I'm not closed enough where if I meet someone, I'm not open to being like inspired by their,

aspirations and their vision. Like, I'm willing to, like, maintain my vision while also, like, having space for someone else's vision. And kids is fucking huge. I agree. That's, like, a monstrosity. But this is the place where I'm, like, landing on it now. And also, you're in a place where you're

in the middle of your career. Like, it's, like, you work in comedy. Like, so many different things could happen. Like, you've got to keep it moving. You know. So this, though, when I think about this idea, I'm like, every single male comedian I look up to has kids.

Every single one of them. I'm like, Sebastian Manascalco, Chris Rock, every single big male comedian that sells out arenas has a million children. And it's just, I think giving into this idea that like, look, you're a woman, you're in comedy, which is not what you're saying. But it's a question that only women would get asked.

Not putting that on you, but just the idea of that is just like. My thing was actually, it had nothing new with comedy. It was more like a place. where you're still where your career, whatever it may be is kind of top of mind

and you're like, this could throw a wrench into like my trajectory. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Also like I think of like Ali Wong.

She's like the mom comedian I think of the most. Yeah. And she did. She did okay. It was more just like I can't stop this trajectory right now

to like raise a child. I would think that would be a mindset of some people. Totally. And I know I so think that's true regardless of your profession and I'm just like if men can do it,

I can do it. I think you have done. Because I can do what men can do. I can do hard things. I can do hard thing. And get your ass up and work. I have the best advice for women in comedy. Get your ass up and work.

Literally. Women don't want to work these days. Be born on third base and then get your ass up and work. Women don't want to work. Get your ass up and bring people to a show and do a bringer. You're so right. Now we're doing Annadalee. I love it.

Was that Anna Delvey? No, I was getting Kim. We were doing Kim. But I was doing Kim. but I was doing calling me. I know that, Raina. That's so true. No one switched to Anna.

You did two things. I think it's just I want to give you credit for because I just would hope somebody would do this for me. You're like being honest about that stuff. And I wish somebody would at least be like, yeah, I don't necessarily want to do this. And then also on top of it being like, okay, I'm a maybe and I'll do the work right now to give you a yes or now. And I would really appreciate that over somebody being like, I'm not sure and I'll figure it out. No, we have a timeline around this just so you know too. Yeah.

Oh, you do? like you actually said. Oh yeah, we set a timeline. The timeline is like I get to give her an answer within. And we actually, that's a great point that you said. So I started for interrupting. No, it's okay. I like that somebody wouldn't just maybe you to death forever. I like that somebody would be like, I'm going to do some actionable things like ask my friends that are parents what it's like for them. Yeah. That would at least mean something to me if I still got a note at the end. And I will say that like we're in an open talking about it now. But a few months ago, I said I need like six weeks where we don't talk about this. And that was when I was

doing that, like talking to people. I love that too. That's so, such a great thing. No matter what the topic at hand would be is let me do this on my own without, not you breathing down my neck, but like with it being off the table between the two of us as a conversation, that's incredible. Oh. Thank you so much. It's so true. It's like an agreement to not bring it up every fucking day would be really nice. Yeah. I don't want to be in conversation. What's the timeline? The timeline, well, that timeline passed. Allie filibuster the timeline. I filibuster the timeline. I got a post on Instagram a little more. I'll get back to you.

Wait, what is the timeline? Can you tell her? The timeline for when I have to tell her. Yeah. I feel like I've already given her my answer is a yes, yeah. Oh. So you guys are gonna have kids? Yes, I mean, my answer, my answer.

We lost another one. My answer, my answer is a yes to life with her. Like, whether or not, like, we're gonna do the, like, what the specific timeline will be, there's so many timelines for us to start this journey of like, IVF and all of those things. Like we're not locked on that date.

Oh, that's what I was. I didn't know if you had like, okay, so you're like, I will... We're doing egg freezing this year. Okay. I mean, no matter what your decision was, I would love it. I'm glad that you... I mean, I love your couple's story, so I'm glad that you guys could figure this out. She's just sad. I actually so pissed. I have kids. I see Rihanna's pregnant pictures

one more time. Why do you, why do you care if you don't care? No, I'm, I'm half joking. I just... I love seeing women choose to not have kids because that's like, like, you know, what I want. So of course, of course someone to me, like, I can really look towards them as like, that's a, that's a woman that shows this life for herself. Jen Aniston.

Of course. Jen, we have. Who else? Who else do we have? Silverman. Sarah Silverman. Diane has kids. Diane has kids.

Sarah Silverman. Jennifer Aniston. You guys, I had no idea Diane Keaton had kids. Diane Keaton is like a grandmother. They might be adopted kids. I can't remember. But she's not, she's not. I thought she was one.

She's not one of us. I feel like so many women don't have kids. No, no, yeah, for sure. And like, I'm not, you know, lacking role models. I just like... But I get to represent being like a cool dad, you know? Yeah. I get to redefine dad.

Well, I love it. I'm really pulling for you guys. I can't wait to take her yoga class, which is a crazy thing for me to say, because I hate yoga more than I hate kids. It's so good. It's so good. I would say it's transformation.

It's transformational. You'll leave it. You want to have kids. Ashley's like, what the fuck? What if I leave her yoga class? I'm like, I think I would have children. Oh my God. You guys should come to one of her things when we're in L.A.

You guys would get a kick out of it. Is she still doing this thing in the woods? Yeah, she's going to do another one in like Topanga or in Palm Springs. Well, this was incredible. Thank you for sharing your truth with us. Thank you so much for holding space for my truth. Allie, you're amazing. We're obsessed with you.

So tell everybody where they can find you, your Instagram, your podcast, everything. I'm at Ali Colbert, A-L-I Colbert with a K. That's why I say it. On Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, the whole thing. And I have the Ali Colbert show, my podcast. We both do it. We love it. We both it on it.

Yes. Well, you guys follow Allie and all the things. Listen to our podcast. Listen to our episodes first if you're new to it. And you can find everything you need at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Merchandise tour show tickets. We are Girls Got It Podcast on Instagram. I am Ash Hess on Instagram, TikTok and Twitter.

Raina is reina.org. combe.combe got eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.