Girls Gotta Eat - Exploring Your Sexual Preferences and Non-Monogamy with Feeld CEO Ana Kirova

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

If you're sexually curious, this episode is for you. We have Ana Kirova, the CEO and co-creator of the dating app Feeld, join us to talk about exploring non-monogamy and your sexual preferences and desires. We chat about how the pandemic changed people's mindsets about relationships, how to start exploring a more alternative sexual/dating lifestyle as a single person or with your partner, attitudes about monogamy in different cultures, how to talk to your partner about opening up your relationship, and managing jealousy. And we also discuss the different sexual preferences on the app (there are 20 you can identify with) and defining some, such as hetero-flexible. Before Ana joins us, we're catching up on Rayna's secret trip to the art gallery and why Ashley got so much attention in the airport, plus we break down the biggest issue with guys' nudes, New Haven pizza, and the Love is Blind reunion. Enjoy! Follow Ana on Instagram @ana__kirova, visit feeld.co/gge, and download the app. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Skims: Get free shipping on orders over $75 at skims.com. Pretty Litter: Get 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com/gge code GGE. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $10 off at nutrafol.com when you use promo code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are platforms that help you find the one, and that's amazing, and they have to exist. But they don't really cater for this idea of the constant evolution and change that a lot of us want to experience in our relationships. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Still on this couch. What are we doing? We were like one week only. I actually just tried to sell Ashley on canceling, building the studio. I just ignored it.

I was like, no, we've been talking about this. We've sent all of our stuff. We've hired people to help. There is 30 pounds of carpet tile just in six different individual boxes just sitting at my house. I can't even lift it. Who you got to come and take care of that?

Oh, I got the hottest task rabbit you've ever seen. Actually, I'm so excited for you to see him. The one? The one. Yes. I've been talking about your task rabbits on other podcasts that I'm doing. If you listen to me,

I guess last week at this point, on Francis and Giulio's podcast, oops. It was mostly about, well, my task rabbit experience, but also yours. This podcast is just about TaskRabbit now. This actually is a podcast. This is like the fourth week in the row

where like Taskrabbit, never heard of it? This guy is maybe one of the best looking man I've ever seen in my life and he had his socks and shoes and shirt off in my bedroom mounting a television. And Lindsay and I were sitting on my bed

and I was like, are we able to fuck the task rabbit? Yeah. Like is he trying to fuck us? I mean, listen, we'll put a story in the vibes only app about this. It's after all I've been masturbating to. But you have a new ring.

Oh, this is just some like cheap. That's cute. You're a yay, yay ring? Is it? Yeah, it's cute. It's giving like 1992. Yeah, so I'm back in my 90s grunge era. Oh, that's right. Because no one will talk to you about it.

Except Tessa. Because watching beef on Netflix got me all back into that music, smashing pumpkins, the offspring bush. Nobody will talk to you about it. And I've been trying to talk, like, Kate was like, please stop. You know how you're in a mood and you think your friends will join you on the journey? And I'm like, I've just been listening to a lot of smashing pumpkins and the offspring and this and that. And she's like, Ashley, I don't.

And I was like, oh, but also today I listen to this playlist on Spotify called Boo Fang. And she's like, that's more like it. I feel like you don't really have an outlet for 90s, grunge, punk rock. Tessa. Tessa, who wasn't even born in that era. I asked Tessa what her birthday was and it had a two in front of it. I was like, I literally hate you. Tessa was not born in the 1900s and it's upsetting to me.

And it shows. No, but she's got this like dope taste in music. It's really, this is one of the first conversations I had with her. We rode alone in the car together to the valley. And I was like, that's just so cool. Like I guess it'd be like us being her age and I had a little bit of an era basically because this guy was dating where I was listening to like classic rock like Leonard Skinnerd and Boston and that kind of thing like I went through a phase just with him specifically. But I had a Leonard Skinner thing with this guy. The guy looks at virginity too.

He wanted to listen to Freebird. We just drove around to listen to Freebird. I'm dead. So you're going to die because my ex asked me one time we were in the car and he goes, do you like Boston? And I said, I've never been. And he meant the band. And I was like, Holiday. I love her.

I love her. Clueless reference. But yes, I was like, I know I've never been. And he was like, no, it's a band. I was like, what? And like the Allman brothers. Like, I really went through it with him. He made me a mixed CD.

To be fair, I don't know that Boston is readily. Like, I don't know that I would know who it is. But then I got really into them. Boston. I'm out of that phase. But I am back in my 90s grander. So I am wearing a yin-yang ring. I'm going to get a grateful dead teddy bear.

You wear flannel sometimes. You do like to wear like a look with a flannel. That look. Yeah, me too. Like, I love that all this came back in, like, wide-legged jeans and like a little, like, bra top with plaid over it. We're in our prime. We've an incredible episode for you guys. So excited.

Love this guest. We're going to talk about being on the road. But we put our live show tickets on sale last week. We're recording it. We just put it on sale this morning. This morning, yeah. So I have no idea what ticket accounts look like. But thank you guys for just, like, bombing the website, going crazy, buying in every single market.

All the Instagram stories, we're so excited that you guys. You guys are so excited and we can't wait to be there. So everything is on sale through the end of the year. That is every show that we're going to do. We might add something. One more thing up our sleeve, maybe. In the UK. Yeah.

Maybe. Maybe. We're going to work on it. No promises. Anyways, thank you. We're excited that you're excited. And Chicago is the next show up and we have a couple tickets left for that probably. So Girls Gotty.com.

Yes. And we just get so many incredible messages, emails. It never gets old. They're so wonderful. And this one, I did just put this on my story. a snippet of it, but she emailed after the New Haven show, which was insane. Ashley, did you ever think, did you ever think you would say the sentence? The craziest thing I've ever seen at a girl's got to eat show ever was in Connecticut.

New Haven. I mean, no shade of New Haven. I just think of it as like a more polite place than like New Orleans, Austin, Dallas. Boston. Yeah. It was an incredible show. But this woman named Carrie, she wrote in and her husband was there. She came with her husband.

We brought him up on stage. and he also gave this like incredible speech to her. I forgot. He grabbed the mic. I have to drink. Well, that daddy sent us over shots. Actually, I feel like I'm fine throughout the whole show. But when somebody brings us a shot, I like lose it.

I was like, what is this? It tasted lemony. It was giving Bacardi Lamone. Speaking of the 90s. And she said, I had the best date night with my husband, the one in the Britney shirt last night, New Haven. The show was so fun and funny

and my husband loves attention. So getting on stage in front of hundreds of women was absolute dream for him. And then this part just really warmed to my heart. She said last night was an incredibly unique experience. I loved being around so many friendly, excited, and sex-positive women. The energy in that room was something every girl should experience. You should be extremely proud of the community you've cultivated.

I know you have a lot on your plate, but you should totally open a Gigi-themed bar with the same vibes. I'd be there every weekend, Carrie. So I was like, I'm going to put the girls got a drink bar on my vision board and get that going for Dewey Beach, 2027. But then we have to open up everywhere. That's our chain? We could, yeah, my retirement plan is the senior dog rescue on the Hustletime Farm, but I can also run a bar. That can help. Yeah, Matt will help.

Yeah, it'll be a whole family business. You and Rusty. I can't. Oh my God. I went up to that gallery this weekend. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I forgot to tell you.

This weekend. This past weekend. You went to New York on Wednesday. I went on Wednesday. What? I went up to the gallery. I was there for a long time. You didn't tell me this?

I was waiting for the podcast and I forgot to put this on my notes. I've art update for you on my notes. And I forgot about this. Sorry, everybody, I need a moment. What do you mean you did a thing I didn't know about? Oh, you know what? I traveled all day. I was on the plane all day.

I was on the whole day. Yeah. So that's why. Okay. And if you are new around here, our numbers are up with new listeners. We love you guys. Thanks for joining.

Thanks for me here. Raina has this art gallery crush since we moved here months. And we call him Rusty. That's not his real name. He is named after another dog I used to have. And you're never going to know it. But we call him Rusty. and he's a bouncer at this art gallery.

Not really a bouncer. He might be, though. Unclear. Okay, okay. So you went there Wednesday. Listen, you just went road. Like,

I board a flight and you just, like, what? Drove out to the Palisades. Okay. I had a day off. I was waiting for a day off. You were on the plane.

You know, I bought that art because I'm still trying to, like, get rusty to pay attention to me. He doesn't even work for the gallery. I'm just spending so much money. Like, you know,

like, I saw this meme that, was like, have a kid, you'll find out who your real friends are. And somebody wrote under it, like, I feel like there's easier ways to figure that out. Yeah. So, like, I'm like, I'm trying to get rusty and I'm buying all this, like, really expensive art. I feel like there's better ways to, like, get to this guy than sort of go buy this art. And the owners, I bring him up all the time and they just like won't acknowledge it.

But, well, okay, that's not fair. Because when one of the owners left you with a voicemail, he said his name. He said, I know you met Rusty. Like, that's not fair. Now you can't just blueball me on the conversation surrounding Rusty. Like, what's going on? So I went up there to pick up this art. Lindsay and I went up and I was talking to the guy who's friends with him.

They're gym buddies. And we were there for a long time looking at a bunch of different. And I was like, you got to think Rusty for me for like turning me on to all this. And like, please pass along my thanks. And he just completely ignored it and changed the subject. Yeah, but that's been the vibe since day one when you drove all the way over to the convention center. When you drove to the convention center, you were trying to bring Rusty up too. and he was just circumventing and wanting to talk to you.

Is it the one that flirts with you? It was his brother. I think the brothers both were to fuck you. They will not acknowledge. I say Rusty and they just change the subject. Okay. Raina, listen, I think you need to be bolder and then be like, you guys, let's stop playing games here.

Let's stop buying art here. You know why I'm here. Where is Rusty and is he single and is he looking? Is he straight? Like, you need to get the deets. Stop playing game here. You know what's very funny. Like, it's so much your intention.

So you're like, you guys know why I'm here. And they're like, we really. For art. What are you talking about, ma'am? And you're like, you know why. And then, by the way. So I'm trying to forge a friendship with the owner. And I promise we'll move on from this.

They want to fuck you, I think. I know. And now we're texting. I'm texting with them. Because, listen, I bought these things. You know those like periodic table art. Is this your house? No.

They do this like pure table. periodic table art. It's really cool. And he's like, we decorated the whole Delta Lounge in L.A.X with this. And I was like, I've never seen this.

And I walked into the Delta Lounge at L.A.X. And it's the whole wall. Oh, cool. Same stuff I bought. And they have a bunch of their art. And so I'm texting the owner, taking photos.

I'm like, oh my gosh, you guys, like, you do this whole wall. And he's like, not really responding that much. So I don't know. I'm just going to have to keep buying art. Oh my gosh.

You're going to have the entire periodic table. All the elements. Yeah. You're going to go all the elements. But there's a lot. So it's like the periodic table of like naughty stuff. So it's like sex, pleasure, cocaine, champagne, stuff like that. So, yeah, I'll just keep buying.

You know, it's so funny. Like one day I'm going to like discover your art hoarding. Yeah, there's this like one spare bedroom in your house that has been locked and I somehow get the key. And I'm like, Frano, what have you been doing in here? Like that time you walked into the hotel room and I was on the security cameras. Yes. Okay.

Well, keep us updated, I guess. At some point you have to just be blind. I'm going to have to. They refuse to acknowledge it. He will not respond when I bring a rusty. Yeah. Okay. So we just got back from New York. Well, as we record this, it'll be a little dated, but truly the best trip. I mean, first of all, it was 80 degrees, 86 at its high, which I felt like wasn't overcorrection, but we didn't need to be that hot. You got that not too hard, yeah. You know, I was there for a little longer than rain. I got in the day before and obviously we did our New Haven show.

We did this NBC segment. And then we did all our favorite things. I mean, for me, I got to do two sold-out shows at the stand with Francis, and you came and all of our friends came. Our team came. I got to be the audience, which is my favorite thing. Yeah, yeah. But Ashley came and Anna came and it was just this really fun night out.

Marcello was there and all of our friends, Mike Cannon. He's been on the show. Yeah. And Oscar Aiden and Esther Povitsky will just name the whole lineup, Karen Feehan. And that was so nice. And I got my hair done. and we got to have an incredible meal with our friends at Q, and I just got to city bike around.

And there's nothing that makes me feel more alive. Like truly, if I said this before, like, there's no greater rush than like having that busy day in New York, seeing all your friends doing stuff, and then you're city biking home. And you're just like, my life is a movie. Like I was city biking past like Madison Square Park. And this listener was like,

Ashley, I love your show. And I was like, nothing feels better than this. Like nothing in this moment. And like it was so funny because people kept being like, you're glowing from. L.A. And I'm like, no, it's sunburn from today. It's New York glow. I feel prettier there. I feel there. I feel like, where did 18,000 steps one day? I was like, where did you go without me? But I just had this thought that I feel like if you compare New York in L.A., New York has higher highs

and lower lows. And L.A. is just more steady. And overall, maybe for me, person, I'm speaking for myself, a happier, more stable, just lifestyle. But it really doesn't have the high highs that you have in New York. Like, the things that you do in New York in those really perfect days. I've always said, like, the perfect day in New York, no other city can compare. And you just get such a rush. Like, even that day, I electric city biked all the way up to Central Park up 6th Avenue. I was like, nothing will give me a rush like this in L.A. And it's fine, because I like this life and we chose this. And like, I want to hike on the weekends and be outside and have a little slower pace and wake up and not be walking amongst all the garbage with my dog and all of that. But you really remember, this is like we've been away that long,

but it really reminded me of just how incredible and unique and unlike any other place in the world. And I feel it in my body and feel in my soul and meaning so many of our listeners, especially at the stand and on the streets. You met a bunch of people on the streets that have come up and said that they moved there because of us. And a lot of them were like, we can't believe we moved here and then you left. But we're so honored that we could inspire a move to a city like that. And it's still will live in my heart forever and we'll always go back. I'm already planning my next trip. But it was just such a wonderful time. And those high highs in New York, man, there was truly nothing like them. Nothing here will compare. Nothing anywhere compares. I think you articulated

perfectly how I was feeling because I was back there sitting outside in the morning having lunch outdoors at the standard. I was just like eating my little grudolable doing work and I was like, is this the best day of my life? Like how could I have ever left this place? This is the best place in the world. I love it so much. But like it is true that like I forget that there were so many bad lows there too. I mean, the weather and just the congestion in general. And I feel like somebody said this to me and I really do feel like that leaving has made me love it again so much. It makes me so happy to be there. So excited. We walked home from dinner. Like, we had this huge dinner and like, I was like dying. I just like walked home from dinner. And you forget how good that feels

because you can't do that here. Nothing feels better. It's so many of those little things. Like for me, it's like city biking around from like a show or just during the day. And then yes, walking home from dinner. We had the best time. And we went up to New Haven did our show, came home, had the best pizza. So I didn't know about this New Haven pizza. So listen, I like, we woke up in a really bad mood. I almost ruined this. Well, Tessa texted me and was like, I was texting your ball to do in New Haven about pizza, because that's what you do in New Haven. It's the Pizza Trinity.

It's these three places. It's Sally's Frank Pepe's and modern pizza. And it's like going to the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Like you just get pizza in New Haven. And I've been like, hyping this. And then I woke up and Tessa was asking me about it. And I was like, just ask Ashley.

I don't want any. And then you texted me on the side and you were like, Tessa told me that you told her that only we would be having the pizza. And you were like, I was really excited about this. And I thought you were too. I woke up so tired. I only got like five hours of sleep as opposed to like my normal non. and I was like, I really am ruining this.

I was walking around. I read your text and I was like, she's really on me about this pizza. You got so excited the night before. You were like, we're going to do all three of them. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited for this journey. And then you were just like, I don't want to do it anymore. I was like, ouch.

But Francis had told me too about this that I didn't know. And then he said, Dave Portnoy, says it's the best pizza. He's the pizza guy, you know, whatever. And we went in and we got a clam pie at Modern. And then after the show, we had just a regular tomato pie from Frank Pepe. So we didn't get to try Sally's. but oh my gosh, incredible. And I really love that style.

And I could talk about pizza forever and I love Detroit style pizza and love you Detroit, miss you. And I loved the style. I love the clam pie that's so different and unique. And I was like, I can't believe I'm putting lemon in this pizza, but it tastes so delicious. But just that regular tomato pie. Like I love the width of it.

It's like that good thickness and just like melted in my mouth. And you were so funny because the slices, A, they're not that thick, but B, they cut them. They're not that wide. So you could have like four. But then you were like, look how chaotic they cut them. There's no rhyme or reason. They just are just like, I'm just trying to figure out how they do it because they don't go straight across.

Maybe one person goes straight across and then it's like diagonal cuts and square and rectum. Like, how do they do this? Tessa, she's also been scouting out the venue staff before we get there and letting us know who's single, who's married. She's really real. She's really settling into her role. She was like, the security guards are hot. This one's married. This is not.

I was like, how did you find this out, Tessa? And she was like, I just asked. Also, seeing the security guards at the New Haven. Unreal, the hottest of hot. I've never, his name is the Connecticut Cowboy, which I thought I came up with. Not that that's had such a hot, creative take,

but I said Connecticut Cowboy on stage, and that is his handle on TikTok. And then I was like, wait, did he make this TikTok tonight? Did I come up with this? And I was like, no, Ashley. One of our listeners found it. Really?

Yes, one of them sent it to me. So basically the head of security for this venue is this huge guy, so sexy, big beard with beard oil on it, which you know I'd love. And he was wearing this. this cowboy hat and I was like, this is kind of corny, but he could do it. And we get up on stage and we basically read this email about like the security guards in the venue.

This girl named Maeve, who is such an icon. She scouted out the security at the venue for us. So I'm reading about him and I'm on stage. I'm like, is he here? And it was this amazing moment. The venue was pitch black. And then all of a sudden you see the doors of the venue open up in the back and you just see the silhouette of a man with a cowboy hat just sauntering into the venue like really slowly.

Like, picture like old timey saloon music is what would have been playing. Yes, he's all backlit. Like, a tumbleweed blows across down the aisle. Like, that's how it felt. It was like the beginning of an old Western. You just see his silhouette. He's a whole backlit. And when he gets to the front, he like kind of did some dance moves.

And I feel like people thought it was the stripper. And we did not have a stripper at the show. I was like, you guys, I know you think this is a stripper. And it's not. And then Raina just locked in with him. to the point where I and probably the audience felt like we were on a date that we shouldn't be on. Like, I think you forgot where you were. Like, you really?

Like, I turned to the audience. I was like, are you guys seeing this? Like, I turned to a thousand people like there by closest friends. I'm like, are you guys seen this? This is crazy. She's losing it. She's just in the zone. Well, I was like, am I even being funny?

And I looked over her you made eye contact. And I was like, she's like really laughing. Also, he is married and was very, like, if his wife happens to lose, he was very respectful of her. he wears a huge wedding ring. He couldn't say it enough on stage that he was married. But I was like, do you guys looking for a third? He came to the green room after and fucked us. I'm kidding. He only fucked me. No, he's married and he was a totally respectful guy, but he did come in the green room afterwards. Yeah. I'm just sitting there like eating pizza, drinking red wine. He comes in. I'm like, is this the best night of my life? Best night in my life. New Haven. We love you.

Okay. So I talked about the thing that happened this morning. I talked about this guy a little while ago. And we're not saying like full-blown nudes or anything like that, but he likes to send me like a very specific type of nude. And I sent him like a flirty text the other day, but it was days ago. And then this morning, 5.30 a.m. my time. So 8.30 a.m. his time. He woke up and decided to fire off this sexy pick. What? Let me see.

I'm pulling it up for you, girl. Okay. I can't wait. So this is days later. Days later, he sent me a black and white. Who is this? Oh, my God. I thought it was going to be someone else. And so I was like, where's his beard?

Okay. Way more who I would have hoped for. Well, beardy doesn't send me nudes. That's not his mind. Okay, that's why you were saying it. And I was like, what? Is he a full pair of jeans at 8 o'clock in the morning? This is sexy.

So he's about to. Okay, can I just talk about one of the probably biggest challenges for men out there when sending nudes or sexy picks is what to do with their face? Do you remember that one, Jenny sent us? Wait, Ashley, he only makes one face. He closes that. eye. Wait, look. That's pretty specific. He's winking in both photos of the same eye. I like a wing. Listen, he's sexy and he could do literally anything he wants. It's just kind of funny because if a guy

that I would prefer is a guy that doesn't take himself too seriously, who's not trying to be a male model and give blue steel unless he's joking. So if they're going to be super serious, that might not come naturally, but then the smile is weird too. Because do you remember the one kind of sexier pick that someone had sent Jenny and he was just like full grin ear to ear. It's so funny. Like it was, I never cut over it. So their facial expression seems to be a challenge. And if any guys listening, I'm sure they're hearing me on this where they're like, what do I do with my face? It's so true. And honestly, I didn't notice until I just showed you that he's making me exact same face in both photos. I should do a side by side and side of actual. I don't think he'll think

that's funny. But you're right. I think guys don't know. We're more used to it. Like we can do a sultrier face. Like a smy's. Yeah, like a smize or just kind of like, I mean, we know what we're doing. We know what we're doing. I mean, not all of us, but a lot of us know what we're doing. And I feel like guys don't know what they're doing. And I don't really want them to. I don't want a guy that's such a pro at like a sexy facial expression.

You know, and then there's a borderline where they look mean. Listen, I don't need a face. Right. Just cut your head off. Just cut your head off. Yeah. Just lips down. And that's like one of my favorites to you.

Like cut the nose and the eyes out. I'll do like lips down. But there's nothing more funny than a full smile. I don't think I've ever seen it except for that photo. That was crazy. Okay, so we wanted to talk about something that happened yesterday. I brought my plant from New York, TLA, I flew with it. This plant, I've talked about before in the podcast.

It's a spider plant. What happened was my mom gave me this spider plant probably 2017, 2018, for you. Do you remember? And I kept it. You were on your plant game. Yeah. So maybe it was when you moved into your new place. I can't remember.

It was like four years ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah. So my mom was. was like, give rain to this plant. And then I knew you were kind of overwhelmed with your plants. And then I got it home and I'd never really had a plant. And I was like, I want this plant. So I'm going to take care of it. And I'm going to see if I can keep it alive. And so I had the spider plant in my old apartment where I remember walking on the street to my new apartment the day I moved

and carrying it with me. And then I was gone for three months during COVID. And I came back. And of course, it looked so dead. It was like brown and stringy. And it came back to life. And I couldn't believe it. I was like three months of not being watered. It's so resilient. it's such a survivor. And so then it started to grow all these babies off of it. And it just meant so much to me. And it's been in New York. And so I was like, I'm bringing this back to L.A.

Like, I'm never going to part with it. It really just means so much to me. And I brought it back. And I mean, I kind of had it in like a bag a little bit, like a soft shopping bag. But it was also kind of needed to support the bottom. So I was carrying it through the airport. Like put it through security. Like a baby.

And just talking to it, my emotional support plant. And I've never gotten so much attention. Ashley, I've seen you bring a Zool to an airport. and no one paid that much attention. Everybody, it clear, stopped. The entire staff, it cleared, just stopped to talk to you about it. And, like, people of different cultures were, like, if I tried to bring it back from my country, this is what would have happened.

Like, it was wild. People were like, is that a spider plant? The people in the Centurion Lounge wanted to talk to you about it. Yes, and then that woman on the plane, we boarded the plane, she was like, is that a spider plant? And everybody was like, has it grown its babies yet? And people just couldn't stop talking about the plant. It's not, like, a unique plant.

Like, everybody has access to spider plants. This is not like a really like off the beaten path plant. Everybody had an opinion. Everybody wanted to talk about it. So the other thing that got me the most attention in airport, these are life hacks if you like attention, is when I, and I had posted this on my Instagram story, the day that I went to the Philly airport twice and one day,

I went in the morning, I went and saw a house, I went back at night. In the morning I bought this eagle sweatshirt that is so dope. It was way overpriced, but I bought it. And while I was buying it, that's when someone took my suitcase. And then I lost my suitcase. But anyway, and then later that night, I wore it to the airport when I flew out, never got so much attention. Because, yes, you're flying out of Philly, but so many people fly in and out of Philly, you're not necessarily from there. So for me to wear this Eagles sweatshirt, everybody was so into it.

Like, everybody that checked me in, everybody at TSA, everybody in the lounge. I got so many go-birds just going throughout the airport. And I was like, this is the way to, like, really feel yourself in the airport. And then the plant is a second way. The dog doesn't really do it. No one paid attention to us. I mean, maybe some people have been nothing like. this. This is wild. And the guy clear was also telling you how to like cut the leaves and replant them. That was insane. It was just shook the whole experience.

It's a plant. Like everyone's actually never seen a plant before. It's not a particularly big plant. It's not like a little tiny baby plant. Like it's not funny how big or small it is. It's not exotic. It's just, it's a plant. Okay, well, let me ask you something. I'm not insulting the plan. Not at all. We're not offended. You and the plant. Raina, we, all the flights we've taken. Have you ever seen a plant on a plane?

That's true. Never. It is exotic. It's exotic. It's exotic. To fly with it. Okay. I have to show you something. Listen. You told me to stop taking pictures. You're sleeping around plates. You got kind of mad of me.

I didn't get mad. I just said, I don't want them anymore. They're not funny to me. I look heinous. So you actually looked really pretty in this one. And you were taking a nap with your plant. And it was really cute. Okay.

This on YouTube. Taking a nap with them. I truly have never seen. a plant like this on a plane. I'll get the photo so you guys can see it on YouTube because it is, I thought it was so cute. Oh, we're going to put it up, yeah. Okay, we're going to do some racks and then also recap Love is blind really quickly. I watched the finale, but not the reunion because like the rest of America, I couldn't get it.

You watch both. I was able to watch the reunion last night on my laptop. It didn't work on my TV and it didn't work on my phone to mirror it to my TV. And it wouldn't mirror for my laptop. It was totally fucked. So you probably know Netflix completely fumbled the brain. ball on this live reunion, just shit the bed. Like, how are they the largest streaming platform in the world?

They couldn't handle a live stream. And I understand there was a lot of volume, but like, it still was crazy to me. And then they put it up and it still wasn't working for most of America. I was able to watch it. It was fine. This season was more bland than past seasons. And, you know, if you know, you know, I don't really have much to say. They definitely need new hosts.

I think we are all in agreement, at least what I'm seeing on Twitter, like black Twitter, white Twitter, whatever it is, are all coming together to be like, we got to get Nick and Vanessa. out of here. And listen, you can see, it's mostly Vanessa. She kind of dominated this whole reunion. Nick didn't really talk. And I mean, the most egregious thing to me was this is like baby pushing. You'll see. Just constantly, when do you having babies? When are you having babies? Like, it was excessive. It felt like everyone was uncomfortable. And then she had this like bat shit interview with Jackie and Josh that if I would have been on that stage. They still together?

Yeah. And if I would have been on that stage or would be like, Vanessa, what the fuck was that? Like all just girly girl with Jackie. It was very strange. People, just feel like she's really biased and I know she knows what goes on behind closed doors, but just you listen, whatever, maybe it's just a personality. I found it to be cringe and I think we've always won a new host. Like they're not that involved. Like, everybody wants Lauren and Cameron or Ashley and Raina. And I just, I don't understand why it's not Lauren and Cameron or another, I don't understand why it's still Nick and Vanessa because I just feel like the strong majority of love as blind viewers don't want it. I don't understand it. The tweets were such gold yesterday. It was incredible. Like, it was just so

hysterical. And yes, it united the nation that like Vanessa did not do a great job. It's Netflix and Vanessa are a common enemy. Yes. Black Twitter and white Twitter all together. They just came to, there's funny like memes about it. Yeah, we all came together. And I hate this shit on her. No, the overall feedback, unless I didn't watch it, the overall feedback seemed to be that she really supported toxic behavior by women because they're women. Did you feel like that? I guess it came across a little man hatery. I don't know. They definitely let Arena have it. The Jackie and Josh thing was crazy. Like she was just like, Jackie, why do you think he wants to wanted the ring back. And it's like, what? They'd be engaged for a couple weeks. Like,

what do you? It was just, everything was, yes, more in favor. It just wasn't unbiased is how it felt. I didn't love it. But to me, the baby pushing and asking people straight up, when are you having kids? Like, they've just been married. You don't know their situation is so dated. It's like, we don't do that anymore. And this isn't just because I don't want kids. Like, it's uncomfortable for everybody. It was bizarre. The ringback thing is interesting because I saw Jackie address it. I mean, obviously, Marshall didn't pay for the ring. Obviously, Love is Blind pays for the ring. They should give back to Love is blind. Yes. I mean, you have to give to Love is blind. Give it back to the show. Like, it's, I saw this thing. That's the solution.

I was watching this thing this morning, of all people, Nick Foyall was giving his input about Tom Sandoval and Ariana and about how Tom Sandoval has basically made Ariana sound like a little bit crazy in that moment. He had this really good insights about how like, it's hard to judge people in a moment where they're in so much pain because their brain is trying to catch up with what's happening and they're not really themselves. They're like out of body trying to like figure out like how am I going to deal with this. And I think in that moment when Marshall was like, I want the ring back, I think he was like, I'm being humiliated by a person that I've been so kind to that I have supported and I don't

know what to say. So like that's the only thing I can think of. Yeah. So I fully like just understood he was like, I'm on national television. I look like a bitch. Totally. But I just, Vanessa's tone was very like, girl, like how embarrassing. He wanted the ring back. Like her tone was wild with Jackie and Josh. I'm backing him up for saying I want the ring because I think he just said whatever. Totally. It's insane. And then they aired that. That wasn't live. That was like

a virtual interview that they aired during the live. Meanwhile, Marshall's sitting there like kind of throwing her shade with his eyebrows like his look and I would be too. And then she gets right off of that and she's like so Marshall and he's like, what's up? Like after that

I feel like a bitch again. So it was just like she seemed she was drinking. Like, it was really just loud and... Too aggressive. Nick could knock it in there. It was... And you're like, this is live TV, man, because this wouldn't have been edited to be like, this is a hot mess. You've seen her edited and it's not even good. I feel bad about it. Like, you know, some people just aren't your people. People don't like me, don't like you, think we're obnoxious and cringe. You know, it's whatever. But I just think we deserve better and that is what everybody is saying. So not even to drag them, it's just

the format of the show. I think if they're not even to drag them, it's just the format of the show. I think if they had hosts that were more involved throughout every episode at some point, or even like, you only see them like two times throughout the season. If you would host that were like around every week to like give input and meet the cast, you'd be like, okay, you have a dog in this fight. Totally. You can have an opinion about this, but it's like these people just popped in twice. I know, that's the thing. It's like, yeah, Vanessa, we've seen you twice and you've just talked the whole reunion. And of course they know what's going on, but you're so right. And I just, I want it to be a couple that's been through it. I want it to be Lauren and Cameron. I feel

they could relate to there's couple so much more offer insights. Like, whatever. Now we've spiraled, but we're not going to do a bonus episode in the season. It just wasn't really enough to talk about. Yeah. And, you know, I'm happy for the couples that are staying together. I love Tiffany and Brett. They're like the elite. And I just, you know, wish them the best. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll give a couple more wrecks. And then we'll get to the episode. So I just want to give a couple of recs for former guests that we just really want to hype. Or Meet Satie, who was a fantastic guest of ours. We did a whole episode about money with him. He wrote a book called I Will Teach You to Be Rich. And he has a show. out now on Netflix called How to Get Rich. And every episode, he basically focuses on a character

and helps them. So, congrats to him on his Netflix show. And we'll definitely have him back on our show. And I also, wait a hold on. Can I read the post that he posted that I was like one icon in the comments? We can share this too. But it's just four days ago now. So like last week at this point, if you guys are listening, five things I do wrong every morning. One, scroll Instagram and Twitter for at least an hour. Two, watch Netflix for an hour. Three, I don't meditate. Four, I don't writing a gratitude journal. Five, I don't drink eight gallons of water. And then the last thing says, you decide your rich life, including your morning routine, build yours today. I love his whole attitude. I do too. We've talked about his attitude on renting versus buying. And also like a lot of that stuff is

good, water, gratitude journal. Like it's your life, do what you want. But I like that he's like, you don't have to follow this thing. And he said like, if you do like figure out how to formulate your life so that you can do those things. I just, I thought it was great. I love the post. And the other person I want to hype is Lane Moore. We had her on the show to talk about her book. to be alone. And she is really, like, she's almost like the anti-self-help person to me. She's not this, like, toxic positivity. Everything will be great kind of person with all these buzzwords. So she wrote a book about finding friends. She wrote a book called You Will Find Her People. You can pre-order it. I think it's out on April 23rd. So I think he came out yesterday

at this point. At this point. But just double check on Amazon. We love her. Our episode with her was in January 2022. And we talked about just being alone essentially. And I loved it. You guys loved it. Yeah. Top episode for sure. Yeah. So check out her book. We just really want to hype her and hype both of them. And of course, we'll have them back on at some point. And the final season of Mrs. Maisel, the marvelous Mrs. Maisel, is out on Amazon. So I love that show so deeply,

and I'm really excited. Yes, and I have just started watching tiny beautiful things. Love it. Hulu. And I love the cast. I love the story. You guys should really check it out. And then I did finish beef, and it's fucking unhinged. The last two episodes of beef are bat-shit crazy.

What? I really am trying to like play ketchup to just start all these shows. And so I haven't finished beef or shrinking. And I'm trying to catch up on succession. I have so much to catch up on. Okay. We're going to segue over and get into it with our amazing guest today. Okay, guys, we are so excited today for our guest. She is the CEO and co-creator of an incredibly progressive dating app field championing ethical non-monogamy and the exploration of non-traditional romantic relationships. The app is for the sexually curious or open to experiencing people and experiences in a new way. She was on the Forbes 30

under 30. She is truly an inspiring female leader. We are so happy to have her. Please welcome to the show, Anna Karova. Thank you so much for having me. I'm super exciting to be here. Thanks for joining us. Where are you coming to us from? Calling in from Porto, Portugal. This is where I'm based or where most of my stuff is. Okay. In between travels. Okay. I love that. I was in Portugal last summer and just had the best time. So it had been on my list for a while. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I was there too. Sorry, I was there longer, and then I got sick, and then you came. So we didn't spend much time together there. Very side to each other.

I was doing it out there. I was like, I'm going to quarantine in my room for three days. I was like, oh, no. But I got to spend like a week prior there and just more along the coast, but in the South, but had a great time. Well, we're so excited to have you. And I was saying to you before the interview, I've read so many great articles where you give your insights on just non-traditional relationships and having different

sexual partners and different ideas of what a relationship means. And we're just excited to talk to you about that and your app field. And where should we start? So can we just hear the story and how this came about? We love a founder story, especially, you know, for something like this. Of course. Yeah. I never get tired of saying it. Okay, good. So he was founded in 2014. We had just gotten together with my partner, Dimo. And we were in our early 20s and we were very much like super in love. really happy to be together, feel like we found the one, both of us. And then I fell for a woman. And that completely threw me off, like on a path I didn't expect to be on. It made me question my sexuality. It made me question everything because I had love for Dimo, but then I also really

had feelings for this woman. It wasn't just an attraction. It was really intense and real. And I thought this meant it's probably a start of an end that I wasn't anticipating or something. And I wanted to tell Dimo. And instead of him leaving me, which I thought he would do, he'd be like, oh, so you're gay. You didn't tell me. Okay, then. He actually reacted by being really open and curious and said, what could this mean for us? Like, could we, could you date while we're together?

Let's try it. See what happens. And the rest is history. Like we couldn't really work it out on existing platforms. So he created a mock-up or field. People were asking, where is this app? I can't find it. So he set out to build it.

And then I joined the company a year later. Wow. No man has ever built a piece of technology to keep me. Yeah, it's very flattering. Yeah. What a great story. I also love that you didn't anticipate his reaction to be what it was. No, not at all.

I am excited to talk about that, too. I think that we hear from so many people, I'm interested in sexual relationships outside of my relationship, but it doesn't have to mean that it ends your primary, quote-unquote, relationship. Or maybe it does, but there are so many other ways to be. So then you created a field, what's the sort of theory behind the app? What's the mission? So our mission is that people can explore their sexuality and relationships more fully.

And we really came to that mission organically. This is really what propelled me to sharing my experience with Dimo. It's what propelled him to respond the way that he did. was just this really wholesome view on people as human beings and sexuality and relationships is something that we discover and evolve and grow as we go. It's not static. We're not born with like, okay, this is your soulmate. You have to find it. Maybe some people feel that way and they find them and that's great, but it wasn't the way that I felt. It wasn't the way the demo felt. And as we see, It wasn't the way millions of people feel right now either.

And the main difference in the app is that you can sign up with a partner. We were the first platform that allowed that. We have more than 20 gender identity options and more than 20 sexualities to identify with. You can search for people in relationships. You can search for people who are single. You could also search by desires. So you can list what sort of desires you have, which kind of normalizes. that exploration,

because usually desires are something that no one ever asks you about, but they're so important what propels us in many ways. So those would be the key differences. I think this is so important for so many different reasons, but before Field came about, you would see people kind of trying to do this on the other apps and writing things in their bios or what they were looking for that some other people may have been scared off by,

But you could feel that people wanted this and they were trying to get it in the other apps. Totally. And being like, I want this thing and we're whatever. And we would get messages of like, is this weird? Is this crazy that I'm seeing this on apps? And it's like not at all. But you could almost feel that people needed something like this exactly and weren't maybe able to get it in the way that they wanted it on, you know, or Bumble, Raya, whatever it was.

So. Yeah, no, totally. I mean, most of the apps are based on the idea that you're going to find the one or that you're looking for the one. Whereas fields underlying principle is that relationships are growing and changing and you need partners that grow with you, that enable you to grow, that allow you to discover yourself. So I think that underlying premise is super different. And there are platforms that help you find the one and that's amazing and that's like they have to exist. But they don't really cater for this idea of the constant evolution and change that a lot of us want to experience

in our relationships. So I was reading an article and you wrote, I don't think there's just one way to be happier, one way to connect with people. And I'll just finish your sentence. I'm not trying to prescribe one-time dating, but I want you to question what's considered the norm and whether it's working for you. Do you feel like there's been a really sort of great rise in people in the last few years just being open to even discussing this or acknowledging that they even want these type of relationships. Have you seen this become like more and more normalized over time? Oh yeah, totally. I mean, our growth, it follows a change in society as a whole. I think people are generally moving towards this perception on relationships as something that should work for you, the way that you

are and the way that you want to be, not something that you should work on or like invest in to make it work. I feel like we often look at relationships as a chore or as like hard work because we're actually forcing ourselves to fit into a model that was never designed by us. It was never designed with our ideal or our perception or our unique views in life. In mind, it's more like this blueprint that just exists and floats around and it's like really accessible. And we just take it and we try to fit into it. It's a bit like trying to fit in a size that doesn't fit you.

And I think that for some people, it's great for them and it works. there's so many versions of happiness out there. And there is a shift that we're seeing in field. We're seeing it in how people interact on the platform. We're seeing it at how many people are interested in fields. It's been happening over the last few years, really accelerated by the pandemic. Like our interest in ethical non-monogamy throughout the pandemic rose by 200% and more. Just without us doing anything, you know, it's just people, organically listing it as something they're looking for. So when you're stuck at home, facing decisions you've made by inertia, you're just like, oh, let me revisit this. Why am I even

in this situation? Is this really for me? So yeah. Wow. I didn't, I mean, I knew that things shifted in this world, but not by 200%. And that's so fascinating that being stuck at home, A, with your partner, but B, with your thoughts. And it makes you think. And you start looking at things. That's all we could do is reflect on our lives. So I love that this was the outcome of it. People looked across the house and they were like, I'm ready to fuck someone else.

With you. Yeah. And the first time I heard about it was just a friend, I don't know, it was like a friend of a friend of this woman who had just always been in traditional heterosexual monogamous relationships and then really started to explore this and like really got into it more so as a single female who was seeking out couples and different

things like that and I just was so fascinated to hear about her new life. It's interesting the tonal shift. I remember a friend telling me that her and her boyfriend that she was living with at the time were on an app sort of like this a long time ago and they were looking for a third just for sexual experience as

nothing else and she sort of like admitted this to be as a deep dark secret and I feel like now the tone has almost shifted when people tell you about it, they're proud to share it. It makes them open. It makes them in touch with their own sexuality. I feel that the tone of these conversations has shifted in a really great way. And maybe since COVID, it normalized it in apps like yours, but it's really exciting to see it.

Yeah. So can we talk about who is on this app and what you're seeing in terms of, you know, is it people that are married? Is it people that are in an open relationship that are dating? Is it single people? Who is attracted to this app and lifestyle? Yeah. I mean, in general, just over the same.

third of our users are in a relationship. So that's a lot of people. We have half of our people identify something other than heterosexual. So we have a lot of people who identifies heterosexual. We have a lot of people who identify as bisexual or pansexual. And people also transition in their sexuality a lot on the platform, which is fascinating to see. Our Gen Z users are still a small fraction of our user base, which might be a surprise. I think usually it sounds like a Gen Z app, but it's actually millennials that are our biggest market. But our Gen Z cohort is the people who are the least straight identifying.

So they're like the most kind of out there in terms of sexuality, which is super interesting. Our fastest growing age group is people over 50. This has been throughout the last few months. How yeah. I love that. Amazing. Yeah. I actually recently found a column in a.

in a magazine online where an anonymous middle-aged woman chronicles her experiences on field. It was amazing. It was called field guides and she was just like sharing all sorts of her experiences from the app. It was fascinating.

I love that. Yeah. I was listening to this podcast because we were seeking out people to cover these type of topics and I found this podcast of these two women that are both married to men and they both are swingers.

I mean, that's kind of what the podcast is about. But they mentioned Field and that they used that. to find other couples, find singles, and just chronicle their experiences. And I found it really fascinating. And I was like, their lives just sounded so cool. They just sounded like Raina and me, like two best friends, but just happen to have husbands and happen to be swingers. And it was interesting. It was fascinating to listen to. And it wasn't this like raunchy, you know, way of even speaking about it. It was just like, this is our life and this is what we do and this is

how we do it. And I really enjoyed hearing them talk even about like what it's like to bring a single person into a sexual experience with a married couple. So anyway, I just think, friends with a twist. Yeah. Oh, yeah, friends with a twist. Also, I listened to that podcast. It really was great. And actually is so right about the tone and how it is just normal. But you said something I was curious. You said there's a lot of people on the app that are changing their sexuality, meaning did you mean like they sign up and they say, I am looking for only women? And then they switch what they're identifying as wanting. Yeah, we have that. So we have that actually more with men. So we have men who identify straight, but they're actually looking for men. And then we also have people who sign up

as, let's say, heteroreflexible, and then over time moved to bisexual and then pansexual. So they sort of like expand how they identify to be more open and recognize that they could meet more people and are actually not that limited. I think field is just a place where a lot of transition and transformation happens for people. It facilitates that. The community is really open-minded. So there is this general feeling we get from users because it's hard to identify one single user group. Like, you know, our people are like this. They go in these cafes. They listen to this kind of music. It's really hard to identify a group like this. It's a lot of very different diverse communities. But what we see as a trend or as a unifying factor, I guess, between them is that they seek

this fuller life. They seek a more wholesome experience to life. For a lot of them, this means practicing their sexuality in more ways. For a lot of them, it means finding their community, it means finding people who are open-minded. It just means various different things. But the ability to be transparent about what you look for and seeing that other people are also okay with that and meet you where you are has facilitated this like search for more wholesome, more vivid experience of life. Yeah. I think you said heterosexual versus bisexual. Can you just,

just for me, just explain like the difference. It's the people that are heterosexual, but they're like, I'm kind of open. I don't identify as bisexual. I think so. Yeah. Someone I spoke to recently told me how their friends used fields to step into the bisexual world. Heter flexible is like a more permissive term to express that you would be open to, but you can't commit or like you're not certain yet or you're like dipping your toes. It's kind of a little bit of a controversial term for some people because it feels like it's a low commitment type of term. But in the same time, it's very permissive. It allows people to test and try and see how they feel presenting this way and how they feel when they get approached with such a label. We actually find it more common.

for men to use that term rather than women. Women are more comfortable just stating they're bisexual because it doesn't affect your femininity, probably if you express that as a straight woman, that you're actually interested in women. There's a lot of interesting dynamics there. Oh yeah. That's a topic that we've discussed before. Just like why is it like this? We know how to listen to words. It's interesting that it's controversial and I cannot speak on this from any sort of expert position, but I really, I like it because it is just that you're curious and it almost feels probably not that you don't want to say you're bisexual, it's more that you're just probably not sure.

Yeah. You don't want to give people a hard idea. So it's just like I'm interested. I think that might be the first time I've heard that term and I love it. I really identify with it because I feel like I'm like that. I'd never say never, I guess. I sleep with people who identify as heterosexual men and that's typically what I go after. But I don't know.

Is there never going to be a woman I want to sleep with? Probably not. Well, you've had experiences with women. I mean, yes, I've had experiences with women. righteous was women. It's been so long ago. It's not even like almost not worth mentioning anymore. But it's not nothing. I mean, like I've had sex with women. So I've had sex with women. I've had three subs and I am open to it. I have been traditionally enjoyed dating and fucking men. But that doesn't mean I'm not open to it. So yeah, I'm this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And people on field are

totally fine with it. Like the community itself is really welcoming to however you present, whatever you feel. I think that's the magic. We're going to move past the app a little bit and just kind of talk about some other things. But I still want to go back to 20 sexual orientations. Is that what you said? Can we just talk about some of the other ones? I feel like people may have heard that and been like, hold on. What would other ones be?

Yeah, absolutely. We have over 20 sexualities on our app. We've crafted a list that we're trying to be as inclusive as possible, but also like not too overwhelming. Yeah, quite a journey. We have a glossary that explains each one of them, but maybe to give some examples, there is asexual, for example,

I think that's quite unaccessible terms. I'm sure you've known about it, it's just people who just don't experience sexual design. Yeah. So you can identify as that on the platform. We have the ones we just discussed, which is heteroreflexible. We also have homo-flexible,

which would be the reverse of that to some extent. So we have like homosexual people who are old. open to being in more heterosexual situations. We have pansexual, which is like anyone. Anything goes. Yeah. We have queer.

I'm sure you're familiar with it. A lot of people prefer to identify as queer. And then bisexual, by curious. Some of the more interesting ones are, for example, demisexual, which is when you need to establish a romantic or almost like a personal kind of relationship, almost intellectual with someone before you can even consider a sexual. fraction. Like for people who identifies demisexual, it's really hard to, for example, go for a one-night stand or have like a one-off experience without really getting to know someone. So those would be some

of them. We have a glossary on our website that goes in detail for each one. Okay. We'll post that. Yeah, we'll post that. I'm really curious. I've always wanted to do an episode about this and I feel like you can speak to this about attitudes about this from culture to culture. Because like, for example, like we have a friend Clara. She's from Spain. She thinks Americans' ideas of like monotivism. me are the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. She just like can't stop laughing about it. She thinks it's so funny. She's like, why would I have one part of it? That's crazy. But I'm curious if you see like a difference between like American attitudes about this lifestyle versus European. And if you can speak on that, if not, don't. But I'm just curious if you have any

thoughts about it. No one, it's such a good question. This is a personal view. We haven't like commissioned a research or anything yet. But I think I definitely see a difference in how people perceive this, like, especially American metropolitan culture, like, there's such a commitment to terms. It's really interesting. Like, people really want to have words that they identify with.

Like, they want to say, I'm this sexuality, this relationship, it's this setup, it's hierarchical, it's no hierarchical. You know, like, there's just this really elaborate use of various different terms to describe a relationship. And I think if you go

in Europe, it's a bit more lax and maybe to what your friend is saying. Like, it's just almost kind of in the air that there is exploration and it's possible. But then from country to country, I'm sure it differs. Like Berlin, for example, it's a bubble on its own. Like, you have everyone's doing everything with everyone there everywhere. Like, I know people practice kink in the parks during the day, you know. You know what to get back to Berlin. We got to get back there.

Seriously. Yeah, like they do role play. You know, like it's not weird. It's a Berlin thing. And then if you go to London, which is obviously a metropolitan city, you have to be in the scene to know where to go. But people are generally really open to non-monogamy, ethical non-monogamy. It's actually really trending there. And this more wholesome, intentional approach to relationships is really growing. And I think then you have countries like France that are a little bit more traditional. it's like, I think as Therperl calls it like serial monogamy where you like date one at a time, but you still date a lot of people. So there's definitely difference in culture.

Okay. But I say this is just observation. Yeah. I think it's interesting Americans have this obsession with defining your sexuality and also defining the relationship. Other cultures seem to not be as obsessive over are we girlfriend, boyfriend, are we, you know, fiancate, are we? What are we?

What are we? Yes. Like the DTR talk, I mean, even I just feel like since we've started this podcast in five years, I feel like partner has just become this word that really used to not be used as much in heterosexual relationships. Like partners used to mean more gay relationships or queer relationships. And then it became mainstream for heterosexual people to say it. And I like it because it's just this more all-encompassing term instead of this like, we have to figure out where we are in the stage of the relationship. And I see that we're the only culture that like gets so granular with the definition of the. actual relationships. There's like an allegiance to defining it. Yeah. I think just English and American

English just moves at a different pace. And as culture changes, like for some reason, somehow, in the U.S., in particular, and also in the UK to a great extent, like language catches up, because people come up with terms, like either online or, I don't know, in memes or in subcultures, like a lot of trans communities and black communities are the ones that start usually uses of different terms and then they just get adopted and spread out. But it usually stems from English because that's where culture moves the fastest and just disseminates and like spreads out the fastest. So I think that's what it probably boils down to. And then other cultures kind of catch up and just pick little things that make it. But for example, I really, like I'm being

brainwashed right now with the idea of situation ship. Like I, I'm like, okay, this is such a good word. No matter what I think of it's a good word. It's a good word. It just explains everything. So American men invented that, yeah, for sure. We finally have a word for this thing that's been around since the beginning of time. Yeah, white heterosexual American men invented. Well, we'd love to talk a little bit more about being in a relationship and wanting to explore and how to talk to your partner about opening up your relationship or bringing in sexual partners.

I mean, do you have any advice for, we know your story, but people who may be scared to even explore this and tell their partner. I mean, it's very personal. Many people ask me this. And I think if fear is the blocker, my usual response would be like, first of, what are you afraid of? And second, an encouragement to do whatever you're afraid of and just do it whilst you're being afraid.

Because if this is you, if this is what you're interested in, if this is what you want in your life. and you're relying on a partner to be next to you in this life, in this world. They have to be able to take the changes that you want to expose yourself to. And also they deserve to know that you want to go through these things. The thing is that if you don't share, it's really likely that you're going to be pulled in that direction anyway. So just do it afraid. And to sort of minimize the impact, what I did was I sat down.

I wrote a letter. It doesn't have to be a letter, but just clarify your thoughts. Like, do your research, consider what exactly it is that you're thinking about. Is it just a thought? Is it a fantasy? Is it a clear, very well-defined desire? In my case, there was a person involved, like someone who was actually in my life. In many people's cases, it's a need of diversity in their sexual life or a curiosity for being with more partners or just, oh, I read about this app or heard about this app. What did you think about it? So this is one thing.

And the other one is bringing up something like Field is a great way to do it, like almost just to test the waters of what the person would think. But my usual advice is just go for it and express what you're thinking and feeling. It will be growth for everyone involved in the relationship. it will show how your partner will take something like this. I will show you things that you may not want to know about them, but it's important to know. And also, it's never going to be easy.

So just go for it. Yeah. I like your acknowledgement that this is not easy. It is definitely easier said than done. And I'm sure people spend months and not years mulling over, ever bringing this up to a partner. And I like that you said that oftentimes when you're thinking this, it will manifest itself.

It will come out. It will happen. So why not talk about it? And I think of a good friend in mine, And she was in a long-term relationship, and I know that she was sort of interested in having other sexual partners. And this one for a long time, she didn't cheat. She didn't do anything like that.

Like, I'm saying to her, I think you should float this idea to your partner. And she always would say, he's an angel. He would never do something like that. He would never do something like this to me. He would never go for something like that. And I said to her multiple times, I think you should just try. And he ended up leaving her for probably similar reasons that he wanted to be with other people or to explore other people.

And I'm not saying that's like a lesson for all of us. that's their very specific personal relationship. And who knows that that would have saved their relationship anyways, to be honest, I don't know if they're really right for each other long term. That's a great example. You know, if you're feeling a certain way, your partner is probably picking up on it too. If it's so much ingrained and that was kind of, she'd been feeling that way for quite some time. Like a year.

You've got to kind of realize that this is a person you've been with for a while. They probably have an idea of what's going on your head. They could be feeling the same way. But I love what you said about just bring up field. And we say that all the time. Bring up a podcast episode. Send them this. you know, after this airs. And it's just such a good way to test the waters. And I would imagine

that someone who is just starting to even think in this way and just starting to be at the bottom level of curiosity that getting on this app could make them even know what they want. Like, they could see things that they didn't think about that really pull them in and you really gravitate towards. So I feel like even just getting in an app like this could help you realize what you're into that you hadn't seen put into words yet or seen that was out there. So I love all of it. I'm sure it's help people discover themselves. I'm curious and maybe you have some insights into this.

Do people, I don't know, there's a quote unquote usually, but like do you think it's more common for somebody to say I'd like to introduce a new sexual partner into our relationship versus I would like to date other people. I'd like to go on a date with other people because those feel like very different sort of intentions. One is I'd like you to be with me during this journey and one is I'd like us both to go on separate journeys and support each other in this and still be each other's primary partner. Do you see one happening more than the other? Not at all. That's such a good question. I mean, given that we have about a third of our user base are people in relationships,

then I don't know how the mats adds up to this, but are they on there together? Like when you say the third, they're approaching the app as the couple. Is that what you mean? Okay. So I think more people on the platform are by themselves. But many of them look for couples. Many of them look for single people. Many of them look for both. It's hard to separate. I think people come to field with one intention.

Like they might come to field because they heard about it on this podcast. And there's something specific that someone said. And they're like, oh, that's, I'm very curious. I'm going to go specifically for that. But they usually stay on the platform for other reasons. and they kind of end up going through these transformations on the platform. This is what we're seeing from how people behave. You might be on field because someone told you they went on the best date ever and they made

a best friend. And then you joined field with that knowledge of like, okay, so I want to meet my friends there. But you end up discovering that you're actually curious to explore your sexuality after you see all the profiles, as you said. It's just a very permissive space. It's very welcoming. And people approach their self-discovery with a lot of intention.

And everyone meets you where you are. So you could be transforming and people on the platform are okay with that. And they will go with you or say, this is not what I want right now, but it's been great talking to you. There's just this like really interesting organic sort of flow that happens in the platform. Okay. I want to talk about boundaries. for a second. It's a favorite topic.

It really is my favorite topic. You might have a very much like, you know, one size fits one answer to this. But like, for example, I want to talk about like, you know, discussing this with your partner ahead of time what the boundaries look like because I had a threesome with a couple a long time ago. And it created a lot of problems in their relationship. And I think they ultimately broke up because of it. This is somebody who I had known her for a very long time.

It was probably a newer relationship for them, maybe less than six months. I had a threesome with them. And we were just drunk late at night and we all hooked up. And I don't think anything was like to say. in like a really healthy way or anything like that. And after I think what transpired was she formed a lot of jealousy issues based on, is this what you want to do with other women? Are you attracted to my friend?

Is this going to be something that's expected of me all the time? I don't really want to watch you fuck another person. You did fuck her. Like I just, we were drunk and it was late at night. None of these things were discussed. And in a perfect world, you discuss everything. Everybody puts their cards on table and signs of contract. But I'm curious about boundaries because obviously that's like the worst case scenario.

And I don't think they just broke up because of me. but I think it highlighted issues in the relationship that they haven't dealt with yet. Yeah. No, totally. I think you phrased it very well. I feel like we kind of deal with jealousy in a really childish way. Not to shame anyone. I've been there myself.

We just kind of put it in a cupboard and we're like, okay, you don't go out of here. You're in the like bottom drawer, somewhere hidden away. And we take it as pride to not be jealous. We're like, oh, no, I'm so independent. then I'm not jealous, you know? And then when you feel it, it's like, oh, no, and you push it back in. If instead we acknowledge that jealousy is normal in relationships, we grow up kind of taught that we can own things and we want attention and we need attention to feel validated. If we approach jealousy with curiosity and as soon as we feel it, we're like probe it and like investigate,

okay, what is it that this is showing me? If I'm jealous right now, what's the, trigger. Do I need more attention? Do I need more love? Do I need more touch? Do I need more time for myself? And am I expecting all of this to come from one person? Or do I actually need to give this to myself by myself? Like, what is this actually showing? If there is a curiosity applied to jealousy, it could transform how you look at your partner, how you look at any relationship. I mean, I've had jealous friends who've been upset that I'm sure you've had jealous friends who've been upset that you don't pay them enough attention or something like this. And I think in romantic relationships, it's just not a practice that people investigate that.

And usually something like that threesome that you had with the couple is just a cherry on the top. It's not the cause. It's just various different things that have been piling up over time. And then it's just this strong event, which I'm sure was great. but after that, like the aftermath is, it just kind of, or not, but in the aftermath, it just kind of like opens up like all of these things that have been piling up in that drawer. I think that's what it's all about. And I think the reason why ethical non-monogamy is growing in popularity is because people are becoming more curious about this. They are curious. They are looking inward and they are like,

wait, what is this showing me? What are the expectations I'm projecting onto myself and my partner, are it correct? Are they really what I need? And I think this more wholesome curiosity practice, if you want, can kind of guide into a discussion around boundaries. Because there's no way for you to know your boundaries if you're not curious about what you want and what you don't want. And we kind of just stumble and we fall into situations and then we uncover, oh, actually I don't like that. I love that answer. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, exactly. We were talking about this with Dr. Orna Goralnik. She's on the show. Couples Therapy on Showtime and just about jealousy and when there's infidelity, so not ethical, not monogamy, but this feeling of needing to feel special

and needing to feel like the only one and things like that. And that can kind of stem from that, but that can just be work on yourself and reflection. And then also, it's so helpful to meet people in the same type of situations that have gone through the same thing that can talk to you about it, whether it's in this community or outside of it. I think that's what's been so helpful to me over the years doing this podcast is just hear in other people's experience so you don't feel crazy or they help you work through it yourself. I would imagine if there's a woman, for example,

that's like, I want to get into this, but I'm so jealous, and you have people to support you and tell you why you might feel this way, why you know, quote unquote shouldn't. I'm sure it's just really the community itself that wasn't this large 10 years ago, 20 years ago, etc. Five years ago. Yeah, I have a question

and we can probably spend two hours talking about this. So if we don't have a short answer for this, we can move on. But I think one of the primary fears when your partner says to you, I'd like to open up our relationship. I'd like to have other sexual partners

or date other people is, well, what if you catch feelings for that person? Do I lose you? Is this game over? So I guess maybe how to manage those type of feelings when your partner says to you, I'd like to open up our relationship,

worrying like, is this a road to this ending our relationship, perhaps? And is it just sort of like, well, we'll have to see. Do you hear people saying this to you? I mean, I bring it back to curiosity. It just have to be curious about what's next. If this is what your partner wants,

I think you need to establish for yourself that's something you're comfortable with and you can go for. And if not, then have that conversation. But if yes, then just really be curious about the journey and open to what comes next. we have no guarantee that our partners that we are with right now are going to be with us forever. No.

Like, I'm not religious, so I don't feel like I have that guarantee that's provided to me by, you know, a system of belief that some of my friends have and they rely on that. I don't have that. I want my partners to feel like they can be their full selves and I want myself to be my whole self. And life is really rich. So any experience can really change you. I think meeting other people and getting involved with them romantically

feels closer to a potential breakup in a bad scenario. But in reality, it doesn't have to be a bad scenario. You don't have to try to predict the future. And it might be very enriching to the relationship. But ultimately, if you apply curiosity and an open mind, everyone will have so much more to learn and gain from it. Yeah. But yeah, if you project like a fairy tale or a bad story, then that's usually what's going to guide you.

I like that you said there's just like no guarantees in life. It's like you could say no, but that's not going to prevent somebody for doing it. So like, yeah, whatever. I mean, divorce statistics. It also doesn't matter if you did these vows in front of God and yada, yada, people break up all the time. I'm not saying those don't matter, but there are absolutely no guarantees. I'm curious if you see a lot of people just going for like a one time, two time thing or more looking for like long lasting. partners to bring into their relationship? Or is it just both? You know, is it let's do a one-night

threesome as a couple? Or let me try to find a thruple to join? I mean, like, what is it? Is it more fleeting? Or do you see people really meeting long-term people in their lives on the app? I think in the early days, for sure, people were looking at field as more of a platform they joined to get a one-off thing done, like a bucket list item. Like in the early days, in the very early days, in the first one, two years, that's what people were. we're excited about from Fields. But in one of the first researches that I did when I was so young and inexperienced forever feel this way, at least the inexperienced part, don't know about the young part. But when I was like in the early days of field, I did a research and uncovered that

actually a lot of people joined to have a threesome or to have like a one-off thing, but they stayed because they made friends or they stayed because they found someone and they're now in a relationship and they use field together to find other people. So the intention was short-lived probably in the early days, but now it's transforming. And right now, I think people just join field with a much more wholesome and kind of long-term idea. A lot of people join field out of curiosity. They don't really know what they want. They're curious and they want to see what field has to offer. We talk a lot about this idea of high-fi society, which is like we're moving from a black and white, simple life to a much more rich and diverse ways of being happy. And field offers that place where you

can just discover what you want. You might not know what it is. So that's why it's not as short-lived anymore. I can definitely look to see if we can quantify this in any way, like with retention, or anything like this, if stats would be interesting to your audience. Yeah, and just us. I think people are curious about a threesome or a partner swapping, and if they don't know where to start, they've never done it. You know, it's square one. What can you tell them of how this might look?

And I know every situation is different, but you get on this app and you look at people that you find interesting or attractive or you're curious about. And then do you find it to be a let's meet up for drinks probably and see where the night takes us? Or, you know, I think there's just a lot of you're scared of the unknown. You know, like what can we tell people that this is not as scary as you think it's going to be? I think I revert back to do it afraid. If I say it's not scary, I think there is underlying fears when it's a new thing.

So it's fine. It's okay to feel scared because it's new. But again, look at that fear with an open-minded curiosity and just like give yourself a hug and go for it and see what happens. In terms of actually practically speaking, I think being yourself is key. There isn't a version of you that you have to build up in order to get whatever you're looking for. I think especially on fields, people being themselves is what gives them connections. they're looking for, the meaningful connections they look for. And express your desires, express what you're looking for. There will be people who are interested in that. Or if not, there will be people

who are interested in you as a person and would like to talk to you and understand more why you're interested in that, why you have that desire. It's just a really like multifaceted experience as a whole. And the part which we can control is how we present ourselves. We can't control how conversations will go. We can't control what others will think and feel. But the part, the part we can really do control is how we approach the situation, how we interpret it. So being curious, being open, being as much of yourself as you feel okay. Like you could be anonymous as a start, like hide bits about you if you don't feel like you're ready to show yourself. But show something that is uniquely you, like part of your life. Express how you live. Express what you're interested in.

Express that desire, what it means to you. Why is it so important? And in terms of like first, first dates, you know, places in public, places where you feel comfortable, doesn't have to be a bar, could be a cafe, could be a park, could be a library, you know, like any place which feels good for you, and then come with your whole self and just be open and curious about the person you're going to meet. They're human being. They have their own fears. They have their own desires and curiosities. And they have a completely different universe from their perspective. It's always fascinating to meet people that way. I love that you even said this isn't like, I feel like someone could picture a word on there. Like, but I've never done this. I don't want to show up to like the

sex dungeon and I need to wear like some crazy kinky outfit. It's like you can meet at the park. But did you see this? Somebody wrote that. Somebody said, what do you wear a sex? What do you wear to the sex? Yeah. It's probably not outside of the realm of what's already normal to you. Like you said, go to a cafe, do a day date. It doesn't have to be like put on, you know, bonnage gear. And like, go do it, you know? So I think that's probably people might get tripped up. And like, this is going to be so different and abnormal to me. And it doesn't have to be. Like you said, these people are human. They have fears. They have insecurities. We're all human. Exactly. Well, I think it's a good place this up. Yeah, sure. Your insights really are so wonderful.

And we just love hearing so much more about your thoughts on this and your app. And we just love hearing about your mission behind the app and what you're doing. It's a great thing in the world. And we love hearing about it and promoting it. So can you tell everybody where they can find you, the app, anything else they might be interested in? Of course. You can find me on Instagram and on Twitter. And then the website is field.co, so f e-e-el-d-co. The app is free to use and we have subscriptions if you want to use some of our features to connect to people faster, to connect to more people. Well, thank you so, so much for this. Again, like Raina said, this was so wonderful. We have so much new information. We're so excited for our audience to hear this as well.

Thank you so much. And thank you for what you're doing. I love the attitude. I love like the vibe. It's just, it's so necessary. Like, sex is just so serious and heavy and difficult. It's just this like light touch and I don't know, honesty that it needs. So I really appreciate that you ask me all these questions.

I hope your audience likes it. They're going to love it. Thank you for saying that. This really was a pleasure. and we will hopefully talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Well, we hope you enjoyed that interview. We did. We loved it. So you guys can find us at Girls Gotta Eat.com. Get those tickets. The snacks and tour, all dates are on sale

through the year, through the whole tour. And you can get those again at Girls Gotta Eat.com. Click on live shows. Follow us on TikTok and Instagram, both at Girls Gottoeat Podcast. I am Ash Hess on everything.

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And of course, our other company is vibes only, vibes only.com, vibes only on Instagram. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.