Girls Gotta Eat - Fertility, Britney, and Butt Stuff with Heather McMahan

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

We have a GGE fave, actress/comedian Heather McMahan, back in the studio for a hilariously chaotic episode about everything from planning an Italian wedding to living with your husband and mom to Britney to butt stuff, and everything in between. Heather also opens up about her fertility/embryo freezing journey, and we pop off about a number of things like her Netflix movie, cuckolding, and things that shouldn't be on pizza. Before she joins us, we recap our recent hometown dates and makeouts. Enjoy! Follow Heather on Instagram @HeatherKMcMahan and visit her website here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Get tickets to our Holiday Spectacular Livestream HERE! Thank you to our partners this week: Olipop: Get 20% off your Olipop order, with free shipping: drinkolipop.com/GGE or use code GGE at checkout. Allform: To find your perfect sofa and get 20% off all orders, go to allform.com/gge. Hello Tushy: Get 10% off + free shipping at hellotushy.com/gge. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge14 and use code GGE14 for up to 14 free meals and 3 free gifts. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And the other day I was just standing, like, in the bathroom, I'm brushing my teeth, getting ready. He's in the shower just, you know, pressure washing his asshole. I was like, I'm standing right here. Our episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Holiday show week. Yes, I'm so excited. Post Thanksgiving.

Hope you guys had a good holiday. I'm very thankful. We are very thankful for all of you and for tagging us in all of your beige carb photos. Whoa. Are you okay? Like, were you, did you're, did you're, yeah, I was like, is her Instagram going to shut down? She run out of storage. I'll get to do it later.

But this is a special day because we're recording on Sunday. Literally, if you're listening to us on Monday, we recorded the day before. It's 2.37. We were supposed to start at noon. We had a lot to catch up on. Because, you know, Rain and I, we weren't together for the last week. We did text every second of the day, but it's just not the same. So we do have to come back in and in person talk about selling sunset, everything we did over the last week,

talk shit on everybody. we got to really go hard and catch up in person. You know what's so funny is the amount of times we've said, we've got to get started. And it is, I said I had a heart out at one. It's 2.30 seconds. All I've had today is a half a banana because I was like, I'm just going to head up to the studio and just, you know,

record really quick. Yeah, I'm like starving. And a handful of cheese and it's so funny. I said I have to leave it one. I know. I was like, do you have something to do? I mean, you'll say that and I'll be like, what do you got to do?

You're like, I got to get my nails done. I got to go shop for Alvitz for the shows because I didn't think I head. Like, I don't know. What did you have to do today that you're clearly not doing? I made a plan with Melanie. But I also said it's kind of cold and she was like it is kind of cold. And then she's my friend that doesn't live here. So we are trying to link up. And then I'm trying to link. We're trying to link. I think we ghosted each other. I don't know. She says that I backed out, but I think she backed out. You guys do that. I like it. I like that part about your friendship. You both feel, I feel like you have a like unspoken energy between you when you both want to bail.

on your plans. Also, I'm like, I was like, maybe I'll come to Miami. And she was like, you should come whether I'm there or not. I was like, but are you going to be there? And she was like, I don't, whether I'm there or not, you should go. So funny. I'd love to come hang out with you. Yeah.

Maybe not. You should come. Well, whatever. That's like, it's like me and you and her. We're like sisters. So it doesn't. Yeah, whatever. But, yeah, we just both got back in town.

And we have some really exciting stuff coming up this week. Do you want to talk about it? Yes. Our holiday show is at the beacon this week. It's going to be on December 5th on Sunday. So all you guys are coming. We cannot wait to see you there. The show is going to be absolutely insane. Planning the show has aged me. I've lost sleep. It's been a lot. There's going to be a lot of moving parts. I hope it all goes according to plan. It's going to be unlike any show we've ever done. It's going to be absolutely insane. Holiday madness. Holiday spectacular. And the most amazing part is that's

going to be live live streamed. So even if you're not there, even if you didn't get tickets, you don't live in New York. It's sold out. Too late to get tickets. now you can watch it on this live stream. So there will be no better show to ever watch on a live stream than this one. You can buy tickets and you'll be able to view it on the 11th. So a week later, because we don't want to give away stuff happening at the Chicago show. Whatever. We don't want to explain it to you. I guess live isn't accurate, but it is going to be like, it was live while we were recording it. We're live on stage. Whatever. I don't know the other word to use. So you can watch it like it's essentially a holiday special on starting the 11th.

and then you'll have access for like a week or something. But whatever, just grab the tickets now and you'll be ready to go. You can have a holiday party, whatever you guys want to do. But you're not going to want to miss it. And you can get those tickets at GirlsGotty Podcast.com. Go to, you know, go to our site and click on live shows. And it's presented by Moment House. So you'll be brought to a site that's Moment House and you can buy those tickets.

Yes. So that'll be 7 p.m. on the 11th. That'll be available. Get your friends together. Share cruddy boards. Have a big party. Invite everybody over. You guys love to do that.

We love that. We love that. We love it. We love it. It's going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be. Working on our outfits for days. Great holiday.

I'm going to talk to you about that after this. Okay. We'll talk about it after this. Great guests and Ashley's family, not mine, because they'll love me as much as Ashley. They'll be in Chicago. I have cousins coming. A bunch of cousins coming.

Yeah. And also, like we mentioned last week, if you guys are coming to either holiday show, email us any crazy stories, holiday-related, friend roasts, single guys who are coming to the audience. Let us know their stats. We just got to go to email about this guy that's coming. Yeah.

So we're going to be. give them some attention. Dress up like sexy Santa if you want to. We encourage it. And if you have any really crazy dating stories that are holiday related that you need mansplained by a very special guest. You guys can take your guesses. He's going to be at both shows.

And sexes. Yes. Bring your sex. And bring your sext. Of course, we know you have them your phone, but just have them queued up, screenshot,

whatever it is. And for stuff you're sending us, the email address is Stories at Girls GottiPoddypodcast.com. And then also if you're listening to this today, we are doing a Cyber Monday sale, all of our merchandise is 10% off at girls' gottypodcast.shop. The code is snack Friday. You guys can get a full range every single thing on the site.

So any, like, gifty items you want, mugs, stickers, any kind of dog stuff, sweatshirts, sets, all the stuff. We're really obsessed with it. So grab that, girls' gotty podcast. Shop. And then the holiday deadline for ordering is December 3rd. But check all that out. And we've gift cards if you miss the deadline.

Yes. And tickets to other shows. there is a handful left in some cities. Portland, get your shit together, like I said before, and we added a show for you. But yeah, I don't know where everything stands. A lot of shows are sold out, but into 2022, there are still some tickets available. So you guys can go to Girls'Gaddypodcast.com and see what is available. I'm just going to take a guess that there are tickets left in Portland, maybe a few left in L.A. and San Francisco. There was like 20 left in San Francisco. DC. There's some tickets left. Maybe some tickets left in D.C.

So anyway, just check that out. And we're still working on more 2020-d dates that we will announce as soon as we're able to. Yeah. Pittsburgh, we're coming. In May. It'll be May. Okay. Yeah.

We'll see you soon. Toronto. Don't, we know. We're on it. We're on it. Okay. Well, that's all the announcements. It was a great holiday week.

You guys, thank you so much. I know that I make a big joke about, like, including us and all your tags of what you're doing. But I just love to see what you're doing with people that you love. I know the holidays can be hard, but it's nice to see everybody just, like, having a good meal and sharing it with people. And we love that you, like, post something and tag us. So it was nice to be a problem.

part of that with you guys. Yeah, it was a lot of more rainist friends on Thanksgiving, a lot of beige carbs. But I did get some videos and some tags and people were sending me some videos of them scaring their roommate or their significant other. So I like to you guys like scaring people. Keep doing it. It'll never get old to me. I know. I'm getting those two. Those are really funny. And you guys have not tagged me as many memes this week. So thank you. Well, let's talk about your trip. Because listen, I feel like you and I got like more action while we were home for Thanksgiving than we have in New York in the last like

six months. We love getting action out of town. I love a hometown date. Call me the Bachelorette because I will love a hometown date. You did it last year too. It's my one tradition. Okay, but let's talk about it. I went home. It was like a little bit. It was kind of like sad. A lot of people didn't come home. My brother didn't come.

My sister-in-law and like cousins and stuff weren't really there. But it was really nice to be home. I stayed with my dad. It was my second time ever seeing his place in Pittsburgh since he moved back. So that was really great to spend some time with them. I saw a house of Gucci. you did? I didn't even know this. We've been talking for three hours. We'll talk about Rex later. and I'll tell you how I feel about it. But I really liked it.

I'm only bringing this up not because I'm upset, but people messes us a lot. It was my first time going home after a recent breakup. And I know that the holiday is really hard for people. We get a lot of messages from people that family dynamics are tough, or they just went through a breakup,

or they're going with a significant other and that family dynamic is tough. So Ashley and I have done a lot of episodes about this. We're not going to rehash all the advice, but I do know that it can be a really hard time of year for people. So if you go to our website, just search the episodes for stuff like holidays or family.

We do have a lot of episodes where we've talked about this and just ways to kind of deal. Because it can be tough. One of my best friends just went through like a crazy breakup and she's like the last thing in the world I want to do is like go to a family party right now. Yeah. It also depends on your family.

I mean, I went through a crazy breakup literally beginning of December. And then the only place I wanted to be was like home with my family. But it's still got a member I like had to leave Christmas brunch and I peeed in the woods. I mean, it wasn't pretty. It was like, I was still fucked up. Yes, it kicks up a lot of feelings, especially like you and I were talking about, like if it's the first time you're going home without this person,

to a place that you've only been to with them. Like, for example, my dad moved to this place. I've only been there with my ex. And of course, like, being alone in the holidays for the first time without your partner is really tough and kicks up a lot of feelings for people. It wasn't really a thing for me. I mean, I'm not, like, so I'm not so fucked up over it. But I just, I've said this on the podcast before.

So of you, like, if you don't make it a thing, other people won't. So, like, I've had friends that are like, how are you doing? doing and I'm like, I'm fine. And then you just change the subject. Yeah. I mean, you're welcome to just say, I don't want to talk about this and keep it moving. You control the narrative. Right.

You know? And it just like wasn't a thing for me. No one bothered me or asked. And I think people let me control it. If I wanted to talk about it, I could have. Yeah. And you've kind of, you have the luxury of like announcing it on the show. Like people got the info if they listen to the show.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But yeah, I have friends that have gone through recent breakups. They're like, this is my worst nightmare. So I get it. I sympathize. Just change the subject. That's it. Yeah, that is tough.

Like if you just went through a breakup and it's the holidays, then you're around like all these other couples and you came to a place you used to go to. I mean, I was telling you that. My parents built this new house in 2015 on the farm where they live, not my childhood home. They built like a new house and that's where we go now, obviously. And I went there the first two times I ever went were with my ex. Like the first time we went to the house right after it just got built,

then the next time after it was built and they were moved in. Like I only had memories with him in the house. And then the next time I went back, we had been broken up. It fucked me up. Everywhere I looked, like, I hadn't been there without him. So it was like, and now I'm here without him for the first time. And it's the holidays. Like, this is fucked. And I just, you just have to get over it.

Because my parents aren't going to burn down the house and build a new one. Like, I just had to make new memories and be like, hey, like shake it off, you know? But I just, so, if there's nothing you can really do, you just, if it's a place you have to go to, you just have to make new memories and that's, that's that. That's advice you gave me because I was like, sleeping in this bed, like, without my ex.

And the only time I've ever slept here was with him. And so it's, like, weird, exactly. You said to, like, wake up in that place. They're not there. And it's the holiday. And you're like, ah, this, like, makes me feel a certain way. And you were like, you just got to make, you know, you just got to make new memories.

And that's all it is. Maybe the first time sucks. And the second time is just less bad. Yeah. Yeah. Just get also over time. It just, it goes away. It goes away.

And also, if you can make out with a hometown crush, always helpful. You guys, listen, Rain and I have very different taste. Can't stress it enough. it's a beautiful thing about our friendship. This is the guy we agree on. I was just looking through photos.

I'm gonna, can you send some of them to me? I want them in my spank bank. He is so hot. He is really, he has a look that crosses over both of our taste for whatever reason. So you really,

it's so hot. He's so hot. He is the, actually, so you guys sort of know who this person is if you guys are, if you've been following along? Back in January,

I think was an episode, I was on a date with him. He's the last person I slept. with before my previous relationship. And I was on a date with him in Pittsburgh and this girl who's a fan wanted to approach me. But she said I tried to and there was too much making out. I couldn't. You guys, I mean, I just went through like a camera roll of these pictures of you guys.

You guys are so cute. I can feel the like the sexual energy. And I was saying you a couple weeks ago that it has been hard for me to kind of like get my mojo back. Not because I'm so sad. I just haven't felt like dating. I haven't felt like it. I don't feel like I need to like. I don't need the validation that I'm like worthy enough or that I'm still a sexual person.

And if you feel like that and you need to go on a date immediately off your breakup, I understand it. I've done it. I've done it. I've certainly done it a lot. But yeah, I haven't been feeling like so sexual. So it was nice to just like make out with somebody from my past.

Because it didn't feel like such a commitment. Also like get to know anybody. Totally. You know you're going to like making out with him. Yeah. He's not going to hit you with some like weird kissing moves. Yeah. And lips.

We didn't have to talk about like what are we afterwards either. So we didn't sleep together. And I also had this feeling of like, I'm kind of done sleeping with people that I don't intend to date. So there's no reason to do it. It was just nice to have like a fun night. I mean, there's reasons. You're right. Who is she?

It's called the orgasm or the feeling of a body laying on top of you. I'll take it. I will listen. Anybody that's listening, I will sleep with you if I'm not trying to take you. Lay on top of me. I didn't need to like get naked and like go through the whole thing. thing. I'm not going to date you. Seriously, sometimes you just want to make out. It's all I wanted. It was fun. And I didn't have to worry, like, what are we? I texted him at the end

and then he texted me back. I was like, I never thought about it again. It's so, I love that. It's so fun. So that was my trip home. That was really fun. I don't know that I'm, like, ready to, like, date people, but, like, it was nice to go to action. He's so beautiful. I do feel like that was the perfect thing to get over the hump. Without the hump, apparently, but yeah. I have been thinking about fucking the guy that I dated before this. Whatever, it doesn't matter. It's over. Anyways, I think that that's the only thing that happened to Pittsburgh.

How is your trip? Yeah. I mean, I, like I said, I love a hometown date. I had texted Raina on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I'm like, why is my Thanksgiving tradition that I go on a day date the Tuesday before Thanksgiving? This is second year in a row. You also drove there and back with the person you went on last year's day date with.

All right. You know what? Yes. What happens? You went on a day date last year. guys became friends and then you guys drove back and forth this time. Yeah, that guy from last year's day date lives in Delaware. So now we're friends. He row back and forth. No, okay. I kind of got set up, I guess, and I met up with this person the Monday night before Thanksgiving, like a group setting,

like my brother and his wife was really fun, like went to Starboard Raw. And then the next day, I had to get back up to see my girlfriend. So I just had like a couple hours left at the beach. And he messaged me and then I was going to take a Zool to the beach. And I was like thinking of how I could kind of hang out with this person a little bit. And I was like, I'm going to take a Zola to the beach if you want to meet me. And he was like, yeah, sure. So he met me out at the beach.

And I parked on the street that I like to park on sometimes kind of like in between Rohobith and Dewey. And I noticed they were doing a lot of construction. Like they were building a house. It was really loud. I hate construction noises. I just was like whatever. I'm just parking here. We're going to walk down to the beach. So I didn't think much of it.

And he met me on the beach. I was out there with azole and it was freezing. The wind chill, it was like 30. I couldn't believe you went. I was like, maybe it's as cold there as it is here. So cold, so windy. Like I love the beach in the off season. I like it when it's cold. But when it's cold and windy, it's really pretty brutal. On the water, like, it's just, you can hear each other talking because it's like windy. Like it was, it was a lot. I was freezing. I was just like, I'm really cold. I was like, she's so brave. So we, we walk on the beach and it's just, I was just cold. Like your mouth starts to get cold, you know? And so we walked kind of far and we were going to turn back.

And we go to turn back and it was too windy to even do it. So we had to come up into Dewey to walk on the street. Which then it was nice because I got to give him a tour of like, here's where I woke up in this bush. You know, like it was funny. And so like here's when I get kicked out of the cork. Like what I... Like when we get like really crazy famous, you will be like a sex in the city bus tour

in Delaware. But there's like five stops. Yeah. Yeah. Because we walked by this place. I was like, oh, this is I lived here the summer. I turned 21. Like whatever.

He was like, He was like, wow, that's a pretty baller of place. I'm like, no, there were seven of us, two bedrooms. Don't get it twisted. I don't, I was in a bunk bed. You know what I mean? So, yeah, this is where I lost my virginity. I always point that out.

So we're walking back and then we ended up at my car and we were still talking. So, you know, you just want to keep talking to somebody. We're standing by my car talking and the construction noise is at a 10. Like, it was unreal. They were like pounding these metal things into the ground. There's bulldozers. We're in a construction zone. I can't believe you lasted this.

on. But we joked about it again, like days later, we went on another date. And we were like, what, what were we supposed to do? Like, it was freezing. Worse than the FEMA tents last year. So that's what I was going to say. Like, I was having flashbacks from dating in winter of 2020 in the fire festival tents, drinking hot sake out of a plastic shot glass. Like, it was crazy. And we probably stood there and talked for 20, 30 more minutes over this noise, but not really knowing what to do. What are we going to sit in the car? Like, It was just, it was weird. We should have been like, let's go cut a coffee or anything else.

Instead, we just went with it. And so I walked away from that interaction and I had told you, I was like, I'm going to go meet the sky, whatever. You were like, did you have fun? And like, I was like, I was like, I don't even know. I don't even know how I feel about the last two hours. Like, I was so uncomfortable physically and so non-ideal that like I'm not even sure. The weather would bother me more than it bothers you.

The sound bothers you more than it bother me. but the things, the dual together is unbearable. I don't know how you did it. I was like, I cannot believe we're doing this again. I have such PTSD from last winter. I was like, I feel like I'm back there. I feel like I'm back in those dark days of dating. You really did it.

Alter dating. But it was kind of funny. I think it's funny to like experience. Like I think it's funny to look back on something. Like I texted him later in the day. I was like, I had a really good time today despite freezing and being in the construction zone. Like I said something funny about it and he was like same.

And then we went out again like dinner, bouncing around to the bars, stuff like that. So, yeah, it was fun. He is cute and funny and cool. And so, you know, we'll see. But overall, the week was just kind of crazy. I just was, I did a lot. My brother was like, can you relax?

It was a lot for me too. I went, like, pretty hard on the alcohol. The food was not so bad. I think that you eat, I mean, you have similar eating habits. And you were like, I'm going to have to cut this. Oh, yeah. Radin was like, we have similar eating habits.

I'm like, we don't. But no. You actually have like portion control. And I don't. I think that's also a big difference between us. I went hard. We went to this Mexican place, Taco Grande. It's at the riverfront.

Can't recommend it. You'll eat when you eat. But like I have not ashamed of myself. No, I felt sick. We had the nachos and I was full. And then I was like, let's get the fajitas. I had so many Thanksgiving dinner. I just like feel beat up.

And it's the alcohol that I feel beat up from this time. Normally I have like a problem of portion control, but it's the pounding alcohol for four days. Yeah, it was just a lot. I have to tell you this like very funny quote. We had a lot of people at Thanksgiving dinner. I was sitting at the end of the table with Lindsay and Buck, who this is my cousin and her husband,

who you and Buck really do have a relationship. Like I kind of, you guys got really close. I feel like at the wedding, at Matt's wedding. And like, he was like, I really miss Raina.

I'm like, I know. So I'm excited you'll be there for Christmas. He is just, he's so funny. Like, he, I don't even know if he knows it.

He said this quote. Do you know this thing? Oak Island. Have you heard of this? No. It's a show on the history channel. But it's also like a thing. It's this like island off Nova Scotia.

there's all this shit buried. People think there's treasure. It's crazy. Okay. I got the whole load out on it. It sounds really interesting. And Buck's talking about it. And this thing came out of his mouth so casual.

He wasn't trying to be funny. He was talking about it. He goes, I'm a treasure hunter at heart. I just don't do it. I was like, what? I said, hold up. I was like, can we run that? Pirates life for me?

He literally said, you know, I'm a treasure hunter at heart. I just don't do it. Who? What is this? What does that mean? I like in another life. He was a pirate on a ship. Lindsay's like, he will be.

He'll be in the backyard digging stuff up. I'm like, what? Metal detector on the beach guy, aren't you? He's like, I am. I'm like, oh my God. He's a legit. He's a legit. He's a legit.

Treasure hunter. You're like, see people like that and you're like, I'm sure they have a family. And it's, I'm a treasure. You're like, I hope they have a good life at home. But he like does. He kept the conversation going. I go, stop.

I was like, I have never been so upset that Raina isn't here right now. Because you would have caught on it the same way that I did. What? But treasure hunter at heart. I just don't do it. I just don't do it. Like got a job.

He's a fireman. You know all the things. Like he's too busy to treasure hunt. But it's in his soul. You just look at him. You could see it. That would be like his side hustle. Yeah.

I'm sad. I was really sad. He weren't there. So anyway, guys, I guess the curse of Oak Island you can watch on the history channel. And also, along those lines, the curse of Von Dutch is a three-part documentary

on Hulu. I cannot recommend it enough. It is everything. Crime, murder, drugs, celebrities, fashion, 90s, early 2000s, nostalgia. It's everything. I love Von Dutch. I had a lot of pieces. I had a wristband. A wristband. What are we doing? I had so much in it, almost as much of that as I had of Ed Hardy.

Oh, no. I never did Ed Hardy or affliction. No judgment. But I was, I mean, Von Dutch, I kind of forgot how actually so huge it was, where literally like Whitney Houston was in the store, like Paris Hilton. I mean, you didn't finish a documentary, which I'm upset that you didn't. Because I was so into later. It's not because I didn't like it. I was so enthralled by the whole thing. And when you really were brought back to the level of celebrity, like it was the A-lister. Nobody wasn't wearing Von Dutch at a certain point. And then kind of its downfall, but like also

the story of how it started. I didn't know any of that. I didn't know that it was started by like legitimate gangsters. Like I didn't know anything. And then at the end, there was this crazy twist. I'm not going to give it away of like. actually who Von Dutch was. Well, they tell you in the very beginning. It's the beginning. No, but like kind of a different twist. Controversial thing.

Well, that's the crazy thing is that everybody like emblazing their whole body with this shit. And like, I never knew who Von Dutch was or what that meant. Well, you're in for a twist at the end. I can't wait. It's not good. But I didn't know any of this. I am obsessed with the 90s and the early 2000s.

We all know this. And so anything about that, especially a brand that I was like really into for a moment in time. And I did not know that. story. I had no idea. I didn't know anything about it. And I cannot recommend that documentary enough. Like, oh my God, I was just enthralled by every single second of it. So wild. Okay. Well, I did love it. I didn't stop it because I flopped and I fell asleep and then I went home for Thanksgiving. And then I had to watch all 10 episodes of Selling Setset with my dad. And that's what I did when I was at

home. Guys, so Selling Sunset, we're going to talk about next week. We have too much to say. We honestly just need a bonus episode. Like, I know, I don't even want to say this because then people are going to really beg for it. Maybe we'll be able to do it. We're super busy right now. But like, it's the show I can't, I talk about it the most. I post this stuff on Instagram. You guys catch up, watch season four, and then we'll discuss it next week. Yeah.

I'm gonna wash it with her day. Maybe next week that was totally about it. I don't know. I just love the themes of like friendship and narcissism and toxicity. Oh, I loved it so much. So yeah. Okay. So yeah,

that's a teaser. Watch it guys. And then we will catch up on it. And then I saw a house of Gucci, which I really loved. I know it got like pretty panned in the reviews. I think the story is really fascinating. It got what?

It got pretty panned. What's that mean? Like negative. Oh. They panned the reviews. No, that's not. What word? Like, panned?

Pam, but the D in the end. It got bad reviews? It got bad reviews. Never heard that? Maybe it's a thing. Guys, now I'm second guessing myself. Don't die on me about it. Pan.

Pan. Pan. Oh, my God. People really, like, went after the accents that they were, like, bad. Jared Letto's character is a little ridiculous. and like Mario Brothers-esque, like Super Mario Bros. But other than that,

I think the story is really fascinating. The Gucci family, like so it's about Maricio Gucci and his wife. Patritsia, I'm gonna have just fucked up both those names, whatever. They were a celebrity couple in Italy. They're the owners of the Gucci Empire.

And it's just a story about their life. And it's a real story. She murdered. She had him murdered. He basically left her, and she hired a hitman and killed him. So it's a really fascinating story. I mean,

I like to learn about fashion in general. She played by Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga plays the wife of... I want to call him Maricio. The one that killed her husband? Yeah, she always knows one that kills her husband. She's phenomenal in it. Salma Hayek is in the movie as well.

Adam Driver. I think that it's some of the best acting I've ever seen. I mean, Adam Driver. I'm gonna say less. Phenomenal acting. Like, I was shook by. I think the story's super interesting. Like, I don't fucking care.

The accents were stupid. Like, I just don't care. I thought it was a great movie. You try to do it. Yeah. Couldn't do it. You know? I think it's ridiculous in general.

I think it's ridiculous to do it. a movie that's based in Italy about Italian people with Italian accents in English. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Oh, true. Yeah, there's speaking in English. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. It's really stupid. But the movie... Did Italian people say the accents are bad? Yeah. I mean, I think overall people like panned it for the accents being paned. Really bad. Pandit. Oh, my God. Don't tell me. I will Google it. And then I'm going to see Spencer at some point, because I am, I don't really care about the royal family, but I watch or I listen to a podcast about Princess die and I think her story is really interesting.

So I do want to see that movie. And that's it. Okay. Yeah, I'm at Hasaguchi. I have not been to a movie theater since before COVID. Wait, what? Yeah, I don't know. I just like I did not know this. I know. Well, look about it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I mean, I know. I like going to movies. I'm not like a total movie slot, but like I just haven't been. I don't know why. I guess, you know, stuff's just

coming on Netflix. Like, it feels like less reasons to go. I'm not a big Marvel person, so I feel like I don't need to go see these crazy movies in the theater. But I'm not anti-movie theater. And I think that's like will be my first outing to the movie theater. They're going to show it it at my favorite one that's like on second, the old school movie theater? I never thought about this. Of course, you haven't been to a movie because I would have

known about it. The last person I dated, I'm not going to say his name anymore because it gives him power like Voldemort. The last person I did was a big movie person and a huge marble person. So I went and saw a lot of Marvel movies over the last year and Cruella, which I was obsessed with. But yeah, you're right. Everything else has been on TV. We are so excited to welcome back a guest

to the podcast. She is an actress. a comedian, an internet sensation. She is currently on a theater tour and she is, in our opinion, the star of a new top movie on Netflix. Lovehart, please welcome back to the show, Heather McMahon. Hi, ladies, how we doing? Hi.

Oh, so good to be here. We're so glad to have you here. It was so nice, the last hour just talking shit on people with here. We literally been talking hard, aggressive shit on everyone. It felt so cathartic. It feels so cathartic. Sometimes you just got to get like-minded, gals together and you're like, I fucking hate everyone, right? Yeah, that's how I feel.

Love our fans. Love our fans. Not y'all. We love you. But we're talking about just other individuals in our lives. And I was talking about truly being upset at how you were not in the entire, you weren't the star of Love Heart on Netflix. And I didn't know. And I feel like the movie was about being catfish, but I personally got catfish. And I was texting Raina. She watched it before me. And I was like, God, Heather's killing it. I'm so excited. I love this movie so much. She's making cocaine jokes. We're like out here. She's doing so great. I love this. And Raina was like, that's it. That's it. That's the wrap. And then I just disappeared. Yeah.

Well, because the whole trailer to the movie is you and this girl walking to the park. And you're like, this is so funny. And I'm like, Ashley, your fun's about to end. Yeah. You know what? It's eight minutes of bamboozlement. And then I just disappear. And a lot of people were very upset. They're like, what happened to your character? And then, like,

you said, I just show up later and I'm drinking. I'm talking about like going to AA. Like, we need to go back and figure out what happened to my character. Like, you know, like, what happened? You're going to have a spin-off show. Yeah, I have to. Yeah, about what happened to you.

Right. Well, I mean, let's just say what it is. Netflix knows what they're doing. They're like, let's put this. Let's like, let's take Heather. Let's put her in the trailer. Let's really get people in. And then let's just break your heart when you realize she's dead after eight minutes, you know.

They're like, what should we do at the end of this? Blub actually. Let's just copy it. I'm just like, no offense. No, the movie's cute. You guys should check it out. It's probably still number one or two on Netflix. It is cute.

But it's wild now being kind of in that world. Like, you see how this happens. do this a press thing where we did a Instagram live or whatever and everyone's getting like full of hair and makeup and I just showed up I was like you guys I'm just on Instagram every day of my life. You know what I mean? Like I'm working with like real professional

stars who are like you know brush their hair before they go on camera. I was like cool cool cool cool all right y'all are way more professional than I am. I know well you do you do your own glam don't you? For my shows I do. Yeah well and so do we and we think it's funny when people start to tour and they bring hair and makeup and we're like aw oh you'll learn

you'll learn. You'll learn. Will not work out. Yeah. But now it's an old theater rule because I'm more of a theater kid that, you know, you always did your own makeup. So, like, you're on the Broadway. You're always backstage doing your own makeup.

Unless you're in Wicked and you got to, you know, spray painting yourself green. Who has time for it? We used to, like, contact all these companies to come on site and do our hair and makeup. I'd be running to dry bar before shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Siphora before shows. Yeah. I'd be like, Ashley, I'll see you in an hour and a half, like, killing myself to get this done.

And I just learned how to do it myself. Yeah, I don't have time for it. I have a nice clip-in weave. Shout out to Salty Lock's hair. I clip that bad boy in. And then I start most of my shows in another wig. So I have a weave under a wig. And then I like rip my pants off stage.

I do a quick change. It is old school high school theatrics. My favorite thing that our assistant does on the road with us is I hand off my weave to her before shows. She curls it for me. I know. I sent, during fashion week there was this clip that was making the rounds and it was a whole like fucking luggage cart of hair basically. I were like, this is Rihanna's hair or some shit.

And I said it's a bell. I was like, is this giving you, like, flashbacks of Raina? Because I've, like, peeked out in the hallway at the hotel, and Raina's, like, handing off her hair. I bought her tools. I bought her this thing that sticks to the wall now that she should get a... Oh, hell, yeah. Because she used to clip my extensions either into her hair or in her mouth and curl them there.

Just, like, suck on the end. Remember that girl in school who would always, you find her, like, in the corner sucking on her hair? That's her. But she's, like, sucking on it and curling it at the same time. She dates the guy that flips his eyelids up. Oh, the fucking guy. Or the guy who's always, like, in a wolf t-shirt,

howling at the moon and he's got a milk mustache. and he's like 35. You're like, how old is Chad? And they're like, he says he's 13, but I'm pretty sure he's 35 and got out of prison for tax fraud. Chad's kids are also in the school. Yeah, Chad's kids are also, and they're seniors. Yeah.

Chad's just a super senior. Yeah, the glam on the road, it's just, I mean, I have like my tool kit, like a old school caboodle. And I just pull that shit out, put on a brow and let's roll, you know? So you're in the middle of your tour right now. Yeah. Literally last night you had a show, tonight you have a show. We're going Friday.

Yes, can't wait. Do you want to talk about it at all? Like, how's it going? How's it being back on the road? I mean, it's been amazing. I mean, y'all know it's like being back out on the road. It's so good to see people again. And it feels like, I got to be honest,

it feels like nothing happened and everything happened. Yeah. Like being back on the room, like, oh, we're back. We're live. We're doing it. Yeah. I did get out on the stage the first time, like back in August at my first show. I was like, do I remember how to do my job?

Do people know that they showed up to like see me? but it's been fucking amazing. It's great. I'm still having to, like, navigate a little bit of having to tell people do not DM me before the show

and ask me where parking is. God damn it. Google it. People, we're laughing about us. People tell you'll DM me at 6 p.m.

I'm looking for a place in the area for drinks. And I'm like, I'm at my show. I'm at my show. People will message. Please don't start yet. We're running late.

The audacity of y'all is bananas. It's bowls. It's like, it's a gift because you guys think that we're your friends and we're going to give you wrecks. And I love it. But no,

at 7.59 for shots across the street when the show's at 8. Because this is my job. Yeah. But everyone's small, don't you think like, what if I did show up? Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. We were talking about this. We got invited to a bunch of Halloween parties in Boston. And we were like, listen, if we see an Instagram story that fits the right vibe, we'll go. We'll show up. Yeah. We'll roll through. So we had you on the show, like, what, exactly three years ago in the fall. Yeah. And you were this like huge like Instagram sensation and you went on and like you're a one woman show and you were not engaged when we

had you on the show? Maybe not engaged. I got engaged beginning of 2019 so yeah, maybe not. Yeah. So this would happen. The Italian wedding is like the Italian wedding. Yeah, it's going to happen next summer. Okay. I got pissed off. Obviously I was a COVID bride and I never, I think as an entertainer, like people think, oh

look, I'm going to be bright zone. I want to have that moment. But for me as an entertainer, like, it's too much pressure. Everything's got to be perfect. And not from the sense of like, I need to wear white and it's about me. I'm like, I need to throw the biggest fucking rage your party. I need to make sure that everybody leaves going

that was the best fucking wedding I ever went to. So like when they come to my shows, that was the best comedy show I've been to. But here's the thing. I'm married to an Italian,

American Italian, but if you do business with Italian Italians, if you think you're going to give them a down payment to say, I don't know, a caterer and you're ever going to see that money again?

You fucking won't. So at this point, I'm like, we might as well have the fucking party, right? So you booked this pre-CO. I booked this pre-COid. I planned this. When was it supposed to happen?

It was supposed to happen. then fall of 2020. Got, okay. And then we rescheduled for last summer, but at the beginning last summer, and Italy still wasn't open yet. Right. So now we pushed it another year.

I was like, fuck it. Yeah. So I've been in Italy four times in the last like four and a half years plan this. Your trip there like are just so iconic. And the way they embrace you, I'm like, is Heather the most famous person in Italy?

Honestly, after Lovehart going number one on Netflix, I think I am. Like, the way she thrives there. I just do well. I have my people. that's my spot. Those are my places. Like I just, I get there and I just,

I feel alive. I don't know even know how to describe it. Well, and the thing that speaks to me the most that you talk about is like, I am eating my face off. Yeah. I am drinking wine every night. I'm fucking lit up full, not gaining a pound. No, not getting a pound, except you do have to take magnesium with you. Because I did. The last time, magnesium helps you stay regulated. I did get travelers where I just like didn't shit for a week and a half.

I feel not shit for a week and a half. And it makes me because I'm like that. So I like, I eat pretty healthy day to dates, salads. I work out a lot. But when I go on a trip, I will eat whatever, whenever I want to experience this place. I'm probably not going to go back to you. So I will like pound pasta pizza or whatever the fuck. And I never shit. So like you got to take stuff with you. You have to take your like emergency metamusole, the magnesium, anything. Because I was having a great time, but I was slowly rotting and dying on the inside. I have had to bring like that more. I will bring anal suppositories with me. I will bring Seneca. That's Bella's next job.

She got to put them in her mouth and just place them up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, please iron my hair and then come stick this in my booty hole. I was in Miami last year in February with one of my best friends, Emily, and she couldn't poop for a day and I was like, girl, I got you.

We're going to go to CVS. We're going to get anal glycerin suppository. You're sticking up your butt. You'll be regulated in five seconds. You hold it there for 10 seconds. It will explode out of your insides. Listen, I'm not doctor, guys. Talk to your doctor first.

Talk to your doctor. I'm not, listen, some people are going to be like, you can't be recommending that. Guys, I'm not recommending it. Don't do anything I would do. I'm just saying this worked for me. I give so much unsolicited medical advice on Instagram and people take it and it's wild to me. It's a fucking bit.

You know, there are days where I'm like, yeah, take the magnesium. I enjoy it. But if you actually were to listen to one of us who are just raging assholes and take a drug without Googling it, that's on you. That's on you. That's fully on you. But those people still won't get the vaccine. But that's another thing. All right.

Tell us about married life. I love that you live with your mom. Like, yes. It's unconventional. But it seems like you guys are like thriving. Yeah, I mean, I have a really close relationship with my mom. And I always, like even when my dad was alive, he would have loved us all just living on a compound together. Like we just, we're a tight group.

And then kind of what happened was we were living in New York with the pandemic happened. And then we bugged out and we got back to Atlanta to keep an eye on her because she's a widow. And then we got down there and she's like, listen, I don't want to sell the house. I want to keep in the family. Y'all cool to move in. Just like, oh, yeah, we'll take it immediately. So really, it was his decision because he also gets treated like a fucking king. I'm chopped liver at my house.

Jeff, my mom's like, no, the 55 meatballs are for Jeff. He's hungry. I'm like, he's put on 45 pounds. This fucker does not need another meatball. And I can't eat a thing. I might, she'll slap my hand. You don't need it. You don't need it's for him.

I'm like, what the fuck? I mean, Robin's my mom, but my mom and my husband, Jeff, they go on on dates together. They have a fucking blast. And I'm like the third wheel. I'm driving them. They sit in the back seat like they're on a date. I'm the Uber driver.

I mean, it's bullshit. The dynamic is crazy. I will never forget when I was engaged. mom was flipping out on me in front of my fancy. She looks at him and goes, you know what I'm saying? I was like, don't get him involved in this. That is so funny. What are you doing?

Oh, yeah. And like, I mean, Jeff and I have a great relationship. You know, you have marital spats in the days like where we're like arguing in the kitchen. My mom's like, fully on Jeff's side. Yes. That happened one time on a vacation with my ex-boyfriend. My mom pulled him aside.

She was like, is everything okay? Him. Yeah. Just making sure everything's okay. I'm like crying, walking to the beach and tears. Your mom's like, listen, we've been dealing with our actually twice as long as you, and we get it. You're like weeping by a random gazebo, and literally your mom's like holding your boyfriend,

like, do you need a drink? Do you need a snack, sweetie? Yeah, I don't even know if she picked up on the fight. Like, we were walking and all of a sudden she poked her head out. It was like, what's going on here? Like, she felt the energy. And she was like, I need to intervene. She felt the energy that you were fucking something up for her.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a doozy. Like, they love to gang up on me. And I'm just like, I mean, I'm a shell of a human. And then you're like, you go out on the road, right? So I'm working every weekend. I'm doing my damn thing.

And then I come home and all I want is just to be like, doted on a little bit, right? You know, yeah, the road is not as glamorous as people think it is. And then I get home and literally my mom's like, they can't throw up on the rug? Jeff's like, he pulled something in his leg. You know, he's having a heart attack. I'm like, can I just have one fucking day

where I go into the basement, turn the lights off? I'm not here. Don't ask me a question. Don't ask me to fix anything. I can't fix your lives. That's where I'm asked. It's so funny. I saw your Instagram story.

You're like, it's always. Saturday she needs me to carry something. Yes, always. It's always a Sunday when I'm hung over. I fly in Sunday afternoon, maybe a little hungover, exhausted. My mom's like, we're rearranging the entire living room. And I'm like, no, today is my day off. And it doesn't matter how successful you are, even if you pay all the bills at your home. They'll chop you down. If you're if you live with your mother, she will make you move furniture on a Sunday. Every time I go back to Pittsburgh, which is like my couple days off to relax to my family, my mom wants me to go to the basement and go through every photo album we've ever had so we can throw some of this out. I'm like,

my apartment is smaller than your basement. Not here to do this. I've flown here for a meal and then I'm leaving. My mom does that too. We need you to go through some of your old stuff. I'm like, here's what's going to happen. When you guys die, I'm going to hire some task rabbits and we're going to do it then. Nothing's getting done before that.

You have the room. It's staying in the boxes till you die. There's no chance. I'm going through my stuff from elementary school. Also, I have lived without it for 15 years. So chances are I'm going to make it through this month without it. Right. I'm kind of like, or just toss it.

What do I? Or just sit there. house on fire and I'll walk away and take the insurance money. I literally don't care. Set your jewelry somewhere else and just light the house on fire. Yeah. Oh my God. I think it's funny though because my family gangs up on me too. I think I'm like an easy target. I think it makes you who you are when you get picked on. You have to be yes. Your family needs to tease you fuck with you whatever. I think it builds character, gives you a thick skin, all the things. But these days I'm just like, I'm a star.

Like I feel like they I totally agree. You are a star and you know what? This is directed directly to her. to your family. Do you deserve the respect? That's all I feel. Okay, my family says things to me. I will come home from performing for thousands of people. My mom will tell me to stop telling everybody how successful I am. Stop needing to tell her how busy I am

because all Ashley and I did was quote-unquote party in Miami this whole trip. I'm like, and I start to try to justify it. And I'm like, you know what? Ashley and I worked all day long from 8 a.m. until 8 p.m. then we did two. And then I'm like, you know what? You're right. I don't care about this at all. But we still know I'm like the favorite. My mom wrote my, I mean, she loves me and my brother equally,

but I feel like you'll appreciate this. She wrote a speech. She was going to give it my brother's rehearsal dinner. Heather, this was insane. We were all in the room in the morning and it was like it was her best friends, family, me and Ashley. And she's writing the wedding speech for Matt, for Ashley's. And the entire speech is about Ashley.

She says Ashley's name 17 times before she says the bride's name. Yeah, yeah, I'm very into this. All the ways Ashley contributed by like booking the house and paying for things. She's so wonderful. So no one wants to like be the first one to say it. Like I was like, do I tell her she shouldn't bring up all the money Ashley spent or she just let her fly with it? Yeah, she's like, thank you so much, Ashley, for your generous donation for the rehearsal dinner. That's literally how it starts.

She was like, I'd love to thank Ashley for this, this and this, Ashley this, Ashley that. And Raina was like, I think you should go upstairs, Cindy, and work on it and come back down with a new draft and she came back down and she had crushed it. It was like a whole new speech. I was like, who did you meet up there? I was like, can I get a shout out? You know? My mom was gotten so comfortable with me like because it was such a struggle for so long. Like really just there were days where I'm like looking for, you know, change in the couch cushions. But now my mom who's like an independently wealthy woman, she hasn't paid for a lunch in the last like five years. I literally am at at lunch and I'm like, she's like, we can split it.

You know, I'm like, mom, you could buy lunch once. Okay. Look, I love taking care of you. I'm glad that that is like we're in a different situation. It's by all means, let me pay you back. Within the days we're saying, you want to split it? I'm like, it's a $50 fucking lunch, mom. You can pay for it. You got this. You got this girl.

Just like, I don't know. I'm like, what the fuck? Don't you want to feel like a mom today? Take care of me. Take care of me. I have a full grown toddler at home, which is my husband. I've got a crazy fucking French bulldog. And then I have this other toddler, Rob McMan.

She's 74 from Boston. And I don't know what to do. Like, I don't get a day off. And people like, when are you going to have kids? I have three fucking kids right now. Now. Let's talk about rigatoni. Oh, Rigotoni.

The dog, not the pasta. Yeah, he's the best thing in the world. I do understand, like, I've been asking my girlfriends who have kids, right? I'm like, when is that maternal instinct kicked in where you're like, this is it? My body's telling me, I'm ready. I'm craving a baby. And then I got this fucking dog. And I was like, if people wouldn't shame me, I would let that thing suckle on my teeth.

I love that dog so much. I want to do skin to skin, breast to breast, mouth the breast, whatever. Like, I love that dog. I really feel like that. I told Raina, I looked at my camera roll on Sunday night from last weekend. I had taken 100 photos of Azul. A hundred. I get it.

He wasn't doing anything different. Like, sometimes I like get in so close and I'm like, I got to tell myself, like, I'm not going to make out with him. But I would. If he looked at me like a little wing, I'd be like, yeah, you know what I mean? When Riggettony ya, when Rigot Tony yawns, I put my mouth in he, I put my nose in his mouth to smell his breath. Who the fuck does that?

I know. A psycho mother. Like someone would be like Azole smells. I'm like, I love it. I love it. I love his, his set. Gets me so hot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we were talking about before you got here, people taking food names too far with dogs. I love rigatone, Riggs. Yeah. Like, you could go with Tony one day if you felt like mixing it up. Very versatile. But yesterday at the dog park, I heard a go go go, risotto, get back here.

Too far. It's too far. We've decided if you've gone into the rice varietal, if you're named the dog Orzo or Oreo. Yeah, yeah. Coos. It's too far. Faro, quinole.

Quino. Linguini, I would name a dog linguine. That would be a hilarious thing to yell across a park. Yeah, we were going to do, we originally wanted to do meatball, ravioli, or rigatoni, just because, you know, but even though this dog isn't technically Italian, he's technically a French bull dog. But, yeah, we went with rigatoni. That is so funny.

Yeah, I was like, he's not even, he's like French bull dog. He's like an Italian French bull dog. What are you name like? Yeah, groton, like potatoes are grotton. Like, potatoes are grotton. Brotan. I have friendsies, they just have good personalities.

I mean, everyone I've ever met. Yeah. You want to, people want to hate, but they can't. You can't about his fringes and pugs.

You know this. Rain is a pug person. I love a pug. A man showed me a photo of like, I don't even tell you about this. I met a man with a man bun, a beard, and a blonde pug.

And I just lost from mine. Immediately. Well, then I saw his wadding ring and I was like, I have to leave this party right now. I have to go. Heather,

I feel like if you really want to know how the pug thing started, it was when Raina was dating He had two pugs. He had two pugs. And I love them so much. He would send me like dick pics and photos of himself. And I would be like, but can I see the dogs?

Can you put the dog behind your dick? You know, let's do the two for one. They're so snugly. They're like, they're a pair. Like the one would die without the other. I just love them. They're a bonded pair. They're amazing.

I will tell you right now, though, because I have a, you know, a fawn Frenchie with a dark mask the way that pugs are. If somebody comes up to me though and they're like, is that a pug? I will fucking stab him in the throat. You should be able to tell the difference. I'm literally like, no, that's a god. damn fringy. Love pugs, but if you think my dog's a bug, I will murder you.

Totally different facial and ear structure. Completely different. Different vibe. I just, I think the hardest you've laughed today is when I told you, you were like, you guys are out of here hooking up with security. And I go, Raina dated the security guard. Listen, I love, I love a work crush, right? I feel like, no matter what, you go into any, like at any theater, I kind of look around, I'm like, okay, my husband wasn't here. Who would I fuck? I don't know. For those of you all who don't know, the people that work of theaters are derifying. Okay. I have never been more attractive. A man in my life. I haven't. He's not

actually type, but I think he's so gorgeous. He's bottled of the beard, two full sleeves. He walked up to the stage at the Charleston musical. We just got there. And we were time about security. You had just been at the Charleston music call. And there was all kinds of shit that happened. So they were extra security because of your show. They were like, we got to make sure no one dies tonight. This like, this guy walks up to the stage and he spreads both arms, just like full wingspan on the stage. And he was like, so what do you girls want me to do tonight and I was like, I'm going to let you ruin my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll let you do

anything you want. I flip through my flight so I could fuck him again the next day. Good for you. At the Bella Grace. Yeah, at the Hotel Bella Grace. Shout out to them. Well, I don't know that you would have even met him had Heather's fans not ruined the Charleston musical. He came out of my gift to you right now. He came out of the shadows to be like, what do we need to day? They were like, we need the big guns here. He had to stand

next to the steps like full body mass, which is a giant man, arms crossed not letting girls up on the stage. I was in the middle of a bit and I made eye contact with him and I was like, I would let you murder me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I let you just pound the pussy as hard as possible. Yeah. Good for you. Thank you. Yeah. You know what? I got to be honest with you. I love, shout out to Jeff.

Love my husband. We love Jeff. You know, I think about those days where you just had those random wild nights and I mean, I lived, I lived a life. I wanted to ask you about that today. I don't know your history. Like, were you a drunk slut? Were you a little more tame? Like, you just found out what cuck holding is recently. I didn't know what cuck holding was and I gotta be honest with you,

I'm not okay. Okay, I was listening to one of Jeff's like bro podcast in the car and they brought up cuckolding and I literally paused. I go, what is that? He goes, you're a fucking comedian. You don't know what cuckolding is? Men cannot talk about it enough. Women do not talk about this constantly. Men can't stop. But let me just make sure I have it right. Cuck holding is when like say Jeff were to get off by knowing that somebody else is fucking watching. He wants to watch it. Oh, he wants to watch. It's not like this is happening. He is watching. He is watching. He's in the room. Well, actually. Actually, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't hate this because then I'm still having a good time. But if he thinks that I'm going to sit in a corner and let him bang abroad, he's out of his mind. It goes both ways. It's like an emasculation thing. It's usually involved somebody with a bigger dick that's like pleasing your wife. Also, like we talked about it on an episode like, I love when a girl, like that got the security card. Every guy went out with him. Every girl in the place was I fucking him.

I loved that. But like, yes, men want to sit in the corner and jerk off to like the thought. of you getting fucked by somebody else. Not the thought. The visual. So they're just jerking. Just jerking in the corner. They don't have to.

They could be on their iPad. Who knows? Okay. They'll jerk off later. You guys, I did. I'll tell you what. Okay. What was I like before Jeff?

I mean, I definitely had some, I had my wild days. I mean, we've been together a long time. But I just think about like, God, if I had to get back into dating, like that's fucking brutal. A, I don't trust anyone. I don't trust a soul.

And then B, I would just, just, fuck, I'm like an old married lady where I'm like, he knows what to do. We have great sex. Yeah. And I don't have to, I don't have to explain anything to you. You know what I mean? I want to get dick down on a Tuesday at 1 p.m. There's nothing awkward about it. And then we both go to hold foods together and figure our lives out. That's the perfect Atlanta life, by the that is. I've lived that life. So do you, is there anything? Somebody asked us one of our listeners that's what they wanted to know. Any weirdness with the mom in the house? Or do you guys,

is it big enough that like she can't even hear what's going on in your, in your wing? Well, so we do have a very big spread, but I'll tell you what, Robin McMahon wants to be in the thick of everything. Again, if she could hold the camera, she would. She loves it. She literally like, you know, if I come down in a robe with like a light glow, she's like, oh, okay, somebody had a good morning.

I'm like, mom, quit making this uncomfortable. Now, my mom, my parents growing up, though. I'm glad you're taking care of Jeff's needs. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Not worried about you. Growing up, my parents would always on Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. They'd come down the stairs, both in robes, and I knew that they had just fucked. Like, I grew up in that

household where my parents were very touchy feeling and it was a very sex positive environment, which was fantastic. So I have a very comfortable sense of like, Jeff and I will make sex jokes around my mom. It's just everybody's in on it. It's not weird. You know what I mean? But there are days where I'm like, is my mom listening? Like I'm literally like, is she outside the door? Like, you got this kids. Go for it. I mean, I'll take that versus the sex negative. Like I feel like that's what fucks people up. Yeah. I mean, Ashley's mom listened to me, have phone sex two days in a row. again at the rehearsal in the house from her brother's wedding.

That Ashley paid for her. She tried to be. Let's not forget I paid for the house. I woke up in the morning the first time and I felt so bad and so guilty and I went downstairs and I was like, okay, if no one says anything, no one heard this.

Because Ashley's family will make fun of you. They're open, they're funny. And I'm like looking around, like waiting for some weird eye contact. No one makes it. She waited for Ashley to come downstairs to call me out on it. So you were just having phone sex in the other room?

Yeah. Just moaning and groaning or what were you doing? I thought I was trying to keep it respectful. You weren't trying to be like an asshole. Like, let me wake this family up. I was under a couple of blankets. I was whispering. The problem is if you have your ear pods in, you know what I mean?

Then you just don't realize. You're talking loud. You're like, give it to me, daddy. And the whole house is like, God damn it. Shut the fuck up. That is so funny. Your AirPods. Your noise cancelling ones.

You're screaming. Yeah, you can't have in the bows if you're going to be, you know, having that phone sex. I think the best part is to find like family members that are just like right. There's people that make it weird. Yeah. It's like they want to know too much information for your second. life, I don't like that, you know?

And then there's the sex negative stuff. I like somebody right up the middle lane. I mean, I think about the shit that I got into before I met Jeff and it was just like slightly, honestly, when I look back like a little bit terrifying, I was dating this guy in New York. This is before Bumble, this before any of these apps. And I met this guy at Match.com because I was like, yeah, I was 22 in the city. I was like, I'm going to find like a, you know, a sophisticated man. Met this guy. It was great. All I know is we got on a couple dates and then one day I woke up. it covered head to toe in baby oil

in his apartment and he lived in this old chocolate factory in Soho. He was like a really wealthy guy but I woke up and I was just like you know when you're like I don't know what the fuck happened and just head to toe slick he covered in your sleep he'd I don't know if he just yeah we did it

we fell asleep that was consensual but I don't know why I woke up so lubricated the next day. Your whole body like your arms whole fucking body like your upper are your shoulders everything lued up hair moist all of it

yeah fresh out of massage fresh out of massage and I literally slipped out of bed and I went downstairs. I didn't say goodbye and it was downstairs. He lived above that Popeyes on Canal Street and I went outside and I literally paid a cab driver at like 4 a.m. 20 bucks. I was like, please take me home. And he was like, you're too sticky. I go, please, take me home.

Yep. And I went so much snacks with so many people and no one has ever told me you're too sticky to get this car. I was too slick. I was too slick. I was too slick. I was too slick. I have fucked in cabs.

I have sucked dick to completion in cabs. No one has stopped me. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Pre-Uber, like the beginning of when I first got to New York. Yeah, absolutely. Just like an old yellow cab, just a dusty cab,

suck a dick in the back. Yeah, well, the seats are higher. Yeah. And then there's that window. Like, I wouldn't suck dick in an Uber where there's no barrier. Yeah, I feel you. I have, you know, I standers. Just in the back of like some old woman's Camry,

just like whip it out, ready to suck some deep. I feel like they'd be like, you got to get out. Yeah. Like, they're not afraid to be like, this ride is over. Right. Yeah. I have a family at the ride.

Yeah. There's a wall in a cab at least, you know. Well, I picked Rain up one time to go to the airport to go on tour and I, like, had my vibrator charging in the back of the Uber. Yeah. What is insane? What is your life? I was like, I think I brought the wrong.

The USB port in this guy's car. He just handed her. She plugged her vibrator in. I mean, I wanted to make sure that I had brought the wrong. That was a crazy story. That happened. That was in Nashville. I was trying to fuck this guy.

It was a mess. But I had to talk dirty to myself to masturbate. Yeah, there you go. Out loud talking dirty. Play two parts. She's like a one-woman show like you. It was great. Okay, so you are trying to have kids?

Okay. This is where I'm at in my journey. So I decided to freeze my eggs, right? Because I was like, oh, I want to be proactive. Life is busy. She's booked. She's busy. I'm going to freeze my eggs.

And then I started the process and I realized, I don't have many eggs. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, you don't know what you don't know about fertility until you look into it. Yeah. And then it became one of those things. It was basically at the top of this year.

I went for my annual. And my guy, I was like, Heather, if you want any chance of children, you got to like do this now. And my mom had me at 40, so I didn't think this is going to be a problem. Okay. So then I went through the process of freezing my eggs.

And I was like, I didn't know shit about shit until I started doing this. And I did it wrong. And thank God I have a fucking podcast because I talked about how I did it. I did one of the rounds of drugs wrong, like I was pre-batching the drugs.

And the doctor wasn't telling you to do it? No, they send you home with loose instructions. Like, there's not, I mean, you know, I probably should have done a better job at Googling. I tell everybody else, Google things, and I don't. They should have done a better job, sorry, I interrupt you. No, I agree. I agree. And the nurse called me, like, I basically threw like $25,000 down the drain, because I fucked up two rounds of our EF. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I didn't know you weren't supposed to pre-batch the drugs and then put them in your

fridge, and that's what I was doing, because that way I'd have all my drugs for the week. And they were like... Instructions should be so explicit. Yes, yes. For $25. it should be explicit. Like, I'm like, we can get on a Zoom every day. Oh, walk me through this.

And I learned after that, the first round that you can like hire a nurse to come to your house. But then after like the second round, I was like, no, now I know what I'm doing. Now I'm ready. And I was just like, this is inconvenient. I will say this. I only say this. I had to also be on a lot of extra drugs.

It was much more expensive for me because I had to prep myself too. So like for a month or two before hand, I had to be on all these other drugs to really like grow my eggs. So I had a totally different experience. And I share it because I'm like, listen, Let me be the guinea pig. Let me go through it. I mean, there's so many hilarious moments,

but let me go through it so that other women can be like, oh, this is what not to do, you know? Do you mind me asking you how many eggs did they find when they first did the initial? That's fine. So, okay, this is how it works.

Originally, they were like you, through a cycle, I maybe have like seven eggs. But that doesn't mean that those eggs will then end up to like a mature phase. So then when I finally did my last round, I thought I was going in for one Hail Mary. And it's pretty expensive to do the retrieval.

And I said, well, this is not worth it. I'm not going to do it. My doctor was like, no, I have a good feeling. Just go for it. You've already done this much. Go for it. So then they were able to get three eggs. Then when they tested them, I was only ended up with one embryo.

Okay. So I have one embryo somewhere on ice. Like that's fertilized with Jeff. Fertilized with Jeff. Which is better. Yes, it is. Allegedly. I don't know.

But no, they also don't tell you, though, like the statistics of actually then have, you know, fertilizing that are not fertilizing. Sorry, insiminating that. And it's like, it's like, 40%. And now granted, I don't want to, like, misinformed people. I've never tried to get physically pregnant on my own. So, Jeff and I have never tried, you know, gone for it. But what I was trying to do is be proactive. So in the next year or two, I'm, I'm not ready, you mean? Yeah, I'm not ready because there's just so much stuff going on with work. So I was like, let's put this on ice and be proactive. But then when I started doing it, they were like, we're not getting any eggs. Like, this is your fertility chances are very low. So then it became like, if somebody tells you can't have something, you're like, fuck this. Yeah. And I just started sharing it with people, but it was just such a wild ride of I didn't know what I didn't know.

So if anybody's listening to this, I encourage you young women, especially if you're younger, go, you know, if you can't afford it or a lot of people's companies will pay for it. If you had insurance, do it now. If you had the insurance, do it now because you don't know. Now I'm like, okay, we want to start trying in the next year. Like, I don't know what that looks like. You know, I'm hoping that, you know, Lord willing, that will be able to just get pregnant on our own, but I needed that backup.

So that's when I got nervous. I was like, well, fuck, I need that backup because I don't. know what that's going to look like. Yeah. I hope that made sense. I'm sorry. No, absolutely. Have you talked to Casey Ballsheam and all?

Have you recorded? Yes. I adore Casey. Casey and I talk about it. I want to come to your show, but I had shows this weekend. Her show was incredible. I just ordered her hat, like not pregnant.

Not pregnant. I love you. If you guys are ever in a city where Casey Balcham is, go see her comedy. This material is so special. Like, that she's talking about this. And you too, like, I don't know you so deeply. Like, I don't know if you like lay in your bed and cry of her.

But at least what you put out there is like, this fucking sucks. and I'm dealing with it. I'm going to try to make jokes and keep it, keep it light, even though it's like a struggle. And that's kind of what she's doing too. Like, it doesn't need to be crying on Instagram story. We can share these experiences and still have some laughs because it's fucking nuts. Yes. And I think more people need to talk about this. Like, I have this crazy experience with this. And I'm not going to name the company I went to. But like, I walked into the office and I was like, this is too nice. It's very odd. It looks like a Pinterest board. And I went. They're the people that

I know where you went. They're the people that told me that it was 10,000. It became 18,000. And they got shut down, like not too long after I had the appointment. And I was like, something shady is going on here. So like the more that people can talk about this and bring light to the fact that like your doctor didn't tell you how to mix this medication. Like there's nothing wrong with you. If like you're like, this seems fucking weird because it probably is weird. Ask more questions. I had a great doctor. I won't blame her. It was honestly, it was user error. And I have a whole bit in the tour right now explaining kind of how I fucked things up. But I mean, but you just don't know. And I will say, I had like a real moment when I did the first round and they're like,

you didn't get any eggs. It broke my heart. Like I did have that moment crying in my car thinking, I didn't think I wanted to be a mom tomorrow. But now when somebody tells you you can't have it, you're like, what does that future look like? So the fact that we got one embryo is amazing and it's weird. Like I have a daughter on ice, they tell you. I was like, what's the sex of the baby?

Like, it's a girl. I'm like, that is so bizarre and science is so cool. Yeah. But I talk about it in a humorous way because I want people, but I want people to say. so look into it. If you can afford it, if your insurance will pay for it, it's nice knowing I have something there,

you know, but I will tell you, it's a fucking roller coaster. They don't tell you when you're beefing yourself up on testosterone and progester and all this shit, I lost my goddamn mind.

I was a monster. Yeah. Really? And if that emotional, like, oh, emotional, horny, just like rubbing myself against things at Trader Joe's. Yeah, I mean, just losing my...

Literally, I was just, I got it. I sympathized for like a split second. Yeah. And these are, I talk about this so much of the show, but I was on so much testosterone. I was like, I now understand why dudes act the way they do. For like a split second, I was like, I get it because I was beefed up.

Royd raging. Like crying in my car, just horny all the time. It was bizarre. Oh, my God. Well, I mean, I still feel like it could still just work out the old school way. It could. And your dad watching over you, he's like, I'm going to make sure this shit happens. Thank you.

And that is the one thing I think about while having sex in my house all the time. I've stopped. In the middle of like pumping, I've been like, Jeff, Jeff, can my dad say me? He's like, God damn it, Heather. No, no, he can't. Shut the fuck up. I always think that.

I'm like, is my dad watching me a fuck right now? I'm sorry, you know, but a sex positive environment. Yes. Yeah. You're like, I think we got one. That was for you, dad. That's for you, dad. That shot was for you, dad.

But then I also think, like, Jeff and I was off birth control for a long time. And Jeff and I, you know, we pull and pray or like, we're, I guess, careful. And I never once had a scare. And then it started to click. I was like, wait a minute. Oh, shit. This is all starting to add up.

Like, maybe we actually did. And I have a normal period. My periods every 28 days. Like, everything's normal with that. But you just don't know. Your egg count apparently is you're born with a certain amount. And then as you age, they kind of drift off. I can't wait people to go through it once and go through it again.

Like, it is so brave. Oh, people who message me were actively doing IVF because what I did was just egg freezing. Right. But then eventually I would have to do a round of IVF to then implant. the baby. People like I've done IVF, this round of drugs, like six or seven times. I don't know how you do that. Oh my God. I do not know how you do that. That is so just the emotional, the physical. I mean, I put on like 10 pounds. It was just bloated. Even the financial. Like I would, oh, the financial. People spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to have a baby. And it's just,

what else in the world can you even compare this to where like it may not work out and you don't get your money back? I mean, what else is even, I mean, I get it. I understand it. But it's just like, there's such a huge chance this won't work. And there's no recall. course. Like, I feel like I'd be like, I need a refund. Ashley needs a refund. I was like, I've been stabbing myself with a needle for months. Yeah. That was the other thing too, though. After doing that, giving myself shots, I was like, women, I've always said women can do

anything, but literally we can do fucking anything. Oh, it's insane to me what women can go through. I was like, in the thick of finishing some scripts, doing stuff, getting prepared for tour. And every day I'd have to give myself five shots to maybe get one egg out of this deal. I was like, this is insane. How we don't have a female president, I don't understand. I know with like the last country that does it. I know. I got an IUD put in and it's great. I'm very, very happy with it. Those are painful. The doctor who did it. She was wonderful. My first couple periods, I thought I was, I was like, how can a person bleed this much? I'm like,

hemorrhaging blood. I went to see a movie with my boyfriend and I sneezed in the movie theater and I was like, the super tampon just exploded. The tampon just exploded in the movie theater. I was like, I was like, I was like, actually I don't even know what to do. Like, I used to have sex through my period. It was no big deal. I was totally fine. Like, I've always had the most mild period. The amount of blood hemorrhaging out of my body. I'm like, if a man dealt with this for one hour, I'm doing this for 10 days. It's crazy. And then what we do on top of it, we fucking work and perform and go to all this stuff, like when we feel like shit. That is the biggest thing. Jeff, you know, I love him, but he got like, you know, whatever cold a little while

ago. And I was like, honey, if you were bleeding out of the tip of your dick once a month and felt as shitty as I did. You couldn't do anything. You have a, like a low-grade fever. Take a Tylenol and shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. A man gets sick and it's like the end of the world. I know. End of the fucking world. All right. We have some questions, but I want to, I have a burning question for you. And this will come out in two weeks so it won't be as fresh. But what do you see for Brittany? Wow. Okay. That's a loaded question. Let's talk about it forever. Because she's posting about kittens and babies. So actually I saw the post last night where it said, two days ago, she said, I want a baby girl, and then she said, I want a baby kitten.

Can't have both. You know what I mean? Or maybe you can. Well, those are very different things. They are. You know, we got to be in different places in our life to have a kitten versus a human. I feel this. People ask me all the time.

Heather, Brittany 911, right? I kind of started the snowball effect. You were on the, you were really a pioneer in the movement. Like, I feel like when she was thanking the free Britney movement, like you were part of that. And I like to take credit for that. I would. I mean, I love Brittany.

Thank God. She has her money. She should be independent for how hard she's worked. and she put this really sweet post up the other day that was just like, I finally feel free for the first time of my life. But I will say, there's still a little behavior that is maybe a touch unhinged.

Concerning. Concerning. Her voice is at least a little bit back to normal. If you hear somebody that does sound a little more lucid, which is good. That video was, like, when I hear her real voice and when she does sound lucid, it like breaks my heart because we're like,

oh my God, you were a prisoner. And we were hearing your prisoner voice. But yeah, I just, I hope everything goes well. it feels a little like, let's not go crazy here. You know, because I hope she still has the right people in place. Because we were saying she can do whatever she wants, but you still need people, trustworthy people to manage your money and shit. We do, you know?

So I hope it's all good to go. And it seems like everyone in the family was fucked. Like she threw her mom under the bus, the dad, the sister, like, who really is helping her? And I've heard, I mean, listen, when you're from the South, like, you know everybody, okay? And I've heard people in like Jamie Linn. side who were like, you have no idea what we've been dealing with from like that side. Like Jamie Lynn's, sorry, the sister, not the dad. What's his name?

James James. His name is Jamie. He's Jamie Lynn. Yeah, yeah. That's why it's also confusing. If you guys don't know that, yeah, Jamie Lynn. But Jamie Lynn is, she's not as, she's not the monster. You know, you hear both sides.

I mean, I'm like, listen, something had to be put in place for a reason. We don't know what that is, but I respect Brittany. She should be able to control her own money and do her own thing. But you can't tell me that that Halloween post where she was just laying dead like a corpse will blood all over her and her Sophie shorts. That's not concerning. That threw me off a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, it's very different, but when someone gets out of actual

prison, you have to reaclimate to real life. Yeah. And hopefully there's people surrounding you to help you do that. So I just hope she's got it. What was the most heartbreaking is the other day in this like really long, almost like manifesto post she put, she said, I finally get the keys back to my car. Like the thought of not being able to drive. I know. And originally when Brady 911 started, I said, listen, Brett, I'll come over the house.

We'll go to Cheesecake Factory. We'll Kiki and just figure it out. I feel like she needs you. Brett, call me, girl. I'm here. We'll go to Cheesecake Factory. I'll sit next to you guys at another booth.

That's fine, that's fine. And we can just like share ice teas and like, you know, some cheeseburger egg rolls. Yeah, brown bread. Love it. I just want, yeah, I think she needs some girlfriends because I don't know if she has girlfriends. Yeah. She said that she doesn't. I don't think she's been, like, allowed to.

And like, it's so crazy in one of the more recent documentaries about her. It says, like, very little is known about her life over this, like, five, six year period. Listen, get in that convertible, drive around Mulholland and go to the Cheesecake Factory and live your fucking life. Amen. Okay, we are going to go through some of these questions. Our listeners had for you, this first one right out of the gate. One, I'm dying to know too.

Do you have a favorite Delta Sky Club? Oh, so the one in Seattle's really nice. Delta Sky Club, they redid a couple years ago. It's very chic, but also Austin. Austin? Did we go in Austin? We went in Austin. I went in Seattle recently.

Did you go to the big one in Austin, that really fancy brand new mom? modern one. It's very she-she. Okay. Seattle has like really tall ceilings. Yes. And it's like it's curved. There's tons of windows. Yes, I believe so. I'm trying to remember. It's very, they, they redid one. Is it was in Seattle or was it San Francisco? Oh, fuck.

No, maybe it was San Francisco. Seattle's nice too, though. I went there recently. Yeah. It is really beautiful. I had like a late night flight and I had like three glasses of wine and a cup full of cheese. This saddest, I'll tell you the sad, Delta Sky Club is in Memphis.

We got to bump it out. We need a little makeover, Delta. You know, I love you, but that is a sad, sad sky club. Atlanta, too, is just so fucking packed. Like, the best, the best sky club in Atlanta is actually at the T-Gates. secret because T-Gate's used to only be American. So if you're at the T-Gate, you go, you see a coffee bean in this place called Poppies.

It's a little Cuban spot. You literally go down a hall and that's one of the best guy clubs. Okay. No one has a better buffet. This is shocking than L-A-X. Oh, it is lit. They've got every kind of dip. They have full hot bargers, wraps. Yeah.

That's my favorite buffet, L-A-X. I'm very with you. I love a fucking buffet. All right. What's your last meal on earth? It's be a spread of shit. probably a wedge salad. I know that's controversial. I love blue cheese, bacon and all the things that come with that. Would you make them chop it for you, though?

Like, you're not chopping up a wedge yourself. I'm not chopping up a wedge myself. Well, actually, no, I don't mind cutting through it. But if they want to chop it, I will take that extra set of help. I ask you to chop it. I make them chop it. Well, you're a bougie bitch, and that's why I love you. I'm not here to do work.

You do the work for me. I'm here. She's smaller than us. You know, we got a lot more hand to get in there with a steak knife. She's too small to get in her wet. She's got to have her chop. Pass it for me. I would chop.

If we were at a nice steakhouse, I would chop all the salads for you. I would do that for you. I would also need you to take the tails off the shrimp. Don't serve me anything in a shell. I hated its whole thing. Oh, wow. No,

you're actually a weak human. You can't handle. Here's what I don't understand. Why are we putting shrimp with shells in pasta? I got to reach my hands into boiling hot liquid. I hear you. And remove the shrimp tail when you could have just done it for me. At a nice restaurant,

I'm sticking my fingers in wet pasta. No, I fully actually hear you on that. They want you to think it's fresh. That's the reason, right? It's fucking stupid. Well, shells add more flavor. That's why. That's why you make broth with shells.

But take it off for me. It's insane to have to get a shrimp out of a pasta. What do you? You got to put it on your plate, take the tail off, put it back in the pasta. And I still haven't, like, been able to figure out crab claws. Like, I don't care if they bring you the bib, the fucking clamper. I'm literally somehow, it's in the back on a back molar. And everyone in the restaurant's like, don't do it.

I don't do it. I don't want. I can't get it. My fingers are all swollen and clammy. I got lime of lemon juice, all of. over myself so I can take three bites of food. I like it out for me. I like picking crabs just being from Delaware, like Delaware, like Delaware, Maryland.

But like I turn into a child. I'm like, dad, can you crack this? He's like, he hands me a piece. He's like it's going to be a good one. Like when I was a kiddy, be like it's like a popsicle. Like, you know, parents say weird shit to get to eat it. Like I'm just fully regrets. I don't want to, I saw this morning, one of my favorite chefs, he is a clam pizza. The clams came out of the oven on the pizza

in the clam shells. Oh no, I don't fuck with that. I stuck clams shells in an oven. So I have to get third degree burns on my fingers while I try to get the clam comes off this temperature sensitive item, which is a pizza. No, if it's a pie, you're not fucking with a pie because that's a slice. You throw it back. No, no, no, that's fucked up.

Actually, you should report whoever that is in the Better Business Bureau. Right. I don't, seafood pizza, what are we doing? Are you serious? Well, clam pizza is like a thing. It's like a Connecticut thing, like clam pizza. It's good. I don't want it.

I don't want seafood on my pizza. Nor do I want a barata on my pizza. Like, I just want these things separate. I will eat a clam pie. I love it. It's like a big. Is barata too milky for you on the pizza? I'm just like, I want a barata and then I want a pizza.

I hear you. Yeah. Why do we have a runny, watery barata on this pizza? I absolutely understand you. You know, people get controversial. They're like, do you put pineapple on your pizza? I'm like, here's the thing, I'll eat anything on pizza. If there was a fruit component, fantastic.

Like a soft peach, I'll fuck it up because I don't care. I love it all. I like that energy. Pineapple and pizza, like people that go off about that. I saw some meme the other day and it said like, if you talk about how much you hate the word moist, your sense of humor peaked in 2011. Thank God.

I feel like it's the same energy of like, yeah, hot take. Yeah. Pineapples and pizza. I see somebody on hinge. He's like, let's discuss this. Pineapples and pizza. I'm like, get a personality. Please, please come up with something original.

Also, I love the word moist. It's always been something that's just, you know, some things are dry, some things are moist. Get over it. There's no better word for a cake than moist. Piece of cake in Atlanta, best cake in the world. There's no other word. What's the other word?

Wet. Not dry. Yeah. It makes me a long comfortable. Really? Like it says Duncan Hines, moist vanilla. That's in the title. I don't, yeah, people need to quit being so fucking sensitive.

But like, you're one of those. It's kind of weird to me. I got a speeding ticket once and this guy, this traffic cop came over. Where are we going with this? Where the fuck are we going with this? I'm no idea. I'm not.

I do her. I'm here. I'm locked. Deloaded. I got a speeding ticket. I got two speedy tickets in one day. It was a whole thing. I was 19 though.

I was 19 and this traffic cop came around to the window and he was already wearing this dumb hat with his weird chin strap around his chin that looked weird. And he was like, let me see your license registration. And I pulled out the insurance from his car and it's on the envelope for the insurance. It said moist one wet. And I burst out laughing reading this and he gave me a ticket because he was like, you need to take this seriously. And I was like, it says moist one went on the envelope.

You feel me? This is funny. also that doesn't even make sense. Obviously, it's wet. When it's wet, it's wet. What do you mean it's moist when it's wet? If it's wet, it's wet. It was an envelope, but it was just letting you know

if you like wet and wet the, if you make it moist, it'll be wet, it'll stick. I don't know. It made no sense. It doesn't make any sense. I love that that's what that was triggering for you. I mean, if I get pulled over, I'm just immediately shit myself

and I'm like, take me to jail. I mean, I'm such a baby back bitch. I'm like, I didn't do anything, but just handcuff me and let me figure my life out. It was my second speeding day of the day where I was already like, I can't believe this is happening. What do you want to fucking Vespa going up the west side highway? What are you doing, Raina?

How did you do that, Raina? So me and Figgins, Blake's wife, Figgins, our biggest fans, we were taking my stepdad's car to my stepdad's place in New Jersey so I could pick up a different car. It's a whole thing. I didn't get a driver's license since I was 18. I was a very late, like, driver. So I hadn't like taken a long car trip anyways. This is probably my first long car trip.

And then the first part of the trip, we were driving and this guy pulled up next to us and he was jerking off in his car. I've had that happen before. We were laughing so hard so I start like flying away from this car. Right. I got a speeding ticket for that. And I was like, I can't explain this to a cop. I'm just going to take the ticket. Yeah.

And then that was in Pennsylvania. And then in New Jersey, a couple hours later, I got my... Another man was masturbating in his car. Yeah. Full roadhead. I'll tell you what it is. there is a thing that you feel weirdly invincible. Right.

Because you're like, there's no way I'm going to get one again. Like, there's no world in which I'm going to get a speeding ticket again. I've already got one. Yeah, because statistically, the odds are very low, right? So you feel a little like invincible and then they're like, just kidding. And then I would have, but for the second one, that's when I would have been like there was a man masturbating in the car. Like you should have brought it around for a circle.

I know. I panicked. I'm scared. That was a crazy deck. Okay. A couple more short ones. like it. That was a crazy day. Do you have any quick answer for how to find and keep your resilience in career pursuits?

Yeah, I've realized I only work really well in like two modes, like just full throttle or I'm like a dead corpse on a beach somewhere. I mean, I don't. There is no middle ground. It's like I constantly just have to keep going. I think because in comedy specifically, like we're very self-starters. We've always written our own shit. We're always creating our own stuff. Like I have a script that I've been doing this developmental deal. And then it's like the script is now sitting on somebody's desk. This is the business. You know, I turned this in two months ago. It was like a race to the finish line and I'm proud of the work.

And now they're like, okay, we'll wait for this woman Lisa to read it like four months later. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I think the other aspects of the business and I know this can relate to anything, but when things are out of your control, it's like I can only do so much. But then when it comes down to somebody else making a decision on the work that I've done, that's a very jarring and weird thing. And it's hard to like relinquish that power to somebody else. else. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I feel like, you mean, you hear these stories of, which I didn't

like the show, but whatever, still, Squid Game, the number one show, how it got rejected, what, 10 times, 20 times? Like, that's got to, you got to be screaming yourself like, this is good. Right. Like, how do you, you're not even funny. Yeah. Lisa. So how do you get to decide that, like, I feel like that's such a frustrating thing of like someone else having the control that you don't even think that they're funny or creative. Yeah. And not always. Like, hopefully you have people that are, you know. but even if it's not talking about like, you know, this person is an entertainment. They're like just how do I keep, you know, on the path. It's like you either know, you either know what you want to do or you don't.

But I always say stay in your lane. Figure out what you're good at and then just go full throttle there. Like literally, two ballerina, go 150 miles down the auto bond. Like you just saw someone jerking off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At all times. I realized early on I was like, I'm good at one thing and it's giggles. And I need to stick with that.

And then I just got hyperfocus on it. And I just went 100 miles down, you know, the highway. and I did that. Like, I could never be an accountant. I would, you'd end up audited by the IRS so fucking quick. You'd end up in jail. Like, we would forget to file everything. So it's just like, find out what you're good at

and then stay in that lane and fucking go for it. And I think people get tripped up with being 100 miles down the road because people probably see you are a successful person. They're like, I want that. How do I get there? And it's like, just worry about being on this road in this lane right now. Because people are like, how do I get there? It's like, I can't explain it.

You got to try to do it and just figure it out. I have young girls all the time to say, hey, I want to get into comedy, what's your tips and tricks? I'm like, it's going to be 10 years. Like, hopefully if you get a bigger break, that's fantastic. But it's grimy. There's nothing glamorous. Like, now on the other side, I'm so grateful that I get to what I do,

but we talk about it behind the scenes. Like, it works hard, touring's hard, traveling's hard. Yeah. You know. But also the paths are so different, which, you mean, you, I guess, correct me if I'm wrong, had a traditional path. You were in L.A., and then you kind of blew up on Instagram, like just being yourself.

So I think the way to, success and fame, if that's what you want, whatever, in comedy and stuff. What are you actually doing that feels right to you? Because there are, like, other avenues. You don't necessarily have to go do a bunch of grimy open mics, but you've got to do something. I'm an action steps kind of gal. Like, tell me what the steps are that I need to get there.

And I did totally take a totally different alternative path, but I just found that way. I was like, okay, well, I'm good at this and I'm figured out on Instagram. Let's just follow that path. And it's interesting now, like, you know, getting to these shows, and I see these other comedians that I've loved forever. and they're like, oh, fuck, okay, you're performing at the same place? It's like, yeah.

Yeah. I know we didn't come up together at, like, the laugh factory, but I was doing weird avant-garde underground theater with wigs on and, like, figuring out my own path. So not everybody's path is going to be the same, but figure out what you're good at and then just go for it. Right. Like, you're like, I'm going to be pit bull and do a sketch and it's going to go on

Instagram. And there we go. Where some people wouldn't have think to do that. Like, you just like doubled down. Yeah. Miss a 305. All right. All right.

One final one. Do you want to read it right now? Okay. Great. Yes. Does Jeff like anal play? Okay. Now I have a question. When you say, does Jeff like anal play? Does that mean he's touching my butthole or I'm touching his? Let's talk about it. Okay. I'm never going to touch his butthole. I'll say it right to the camera. Sweetie, I'm never going to touch your butthole. I'm breaking the fourth

wall. Yeah, I'm breaking the fourth wall. I don't care. I'm never going to touch his butthole. He's never asked for it. I one time tried to do a reach around. He was like, nope, absolutely not. I know my husband. It's a loose, probably needs to see gastroenterologist situation. There is always something going on. I'm not playing with fire. I'm not going to go back there and not know what I'm going to get. You know what I'm going to get? Uh-huh. Okay. I mean, that's real talk. That was the best answer.

Have you ever, have you ever bent over and like you've looked into his asshole? Oh, so we have like, you know, one of those showerheads. And Jeff, after we came back from middle, he loves a bidet. And the other day I was just standing, like, in the bathroom, I'm brushing my teeth, getting ready. He's in the shower just, you know, pressure washing his asshole. I was like, I'm standing right here. He's like, babe, I love that bidet. I'm telling you why, I feel squeaky clean when I get out of here. I'm like, I am literally staring at you pressure washing your asshole. Yeah.

It's too much. Like, I just want my own Jeff. He's such an icon. He's better looking and bigger in person, which is always a treat. The first time I met him, I was like, he's tall like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a beefy daddy. Yeah. Thank you for your service, Jeff. Yeah, thank you for your service. That is so funny. I'm just pictured. I'm just going for. I was like, I'm standing here.

Like, as women, like, you know, for like ever shaving, like, it's an unflattering position. I'm up there, I got a labia pulled to the side, or maybe I'm spraying my ass all, but don't do it. I'm giving myself a batwing with one of my labias. Yeah. That is so, does he want to bop play you?

I mean, we've, yeah, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, dibble dabble. But again, it's, I got to be honest with you. I feel like, nowadays I learn what cuckold is. Everyone's like, I got seven butt plugs. I put, you know, a radiator up my ass. There are days too where it's like, I also have another great hole. I love my vagina. It works.

We have a little tickle tangle, you know, we'll play around. But I'm not, I don't have a bunch of anal strap-ons. I'm going to be 100% honest. And people are disappointed. It's like if you don't always say sexually, like, I take it to the next level, you know? I've got six pugs and I let them watch. Then people are,

they're very disappointed. I mean, I always say, I don't need to twist my body into a pretzel to come. Like, I will get on top and ride you and a couple of, like, tell me you're a dirty little slut while you choke me. Like, a guy saying to me, I tell them, you know what I mean.

I have a bit about, like sitting on your face. Like, why? What am I doing just plopping down? What the fuck are we talking about? I don't want that. I don't want that. I want to lay on my back, take a nap. Thank you.

Thank you. It was that one girl in the group, though. You always have like a group of eight girls. And so one girl named Brittany every fucking time. She's like, what the fuck? Y'all don't do this weird shit. And you're like, Brittany, you don't fucking do it. So don't act like you do.

You don't fucking do it, you know? But if we're talking about Britney Spears, she's going to do some shit. Yeah. But Brittany, you take all your money. Without the cameras in the room, her and Sam are going to be. Really. Live, laugh, love, bitch. We're rooting for you.

All right. All right. Well, this was amazing. I adore y'all. Thank you for all your honesty. And I'm sure that everybody will be dying to like see you and find your tour and everywhere they can find you. So tell everybody where they can find you on tour, what you've coming up, where your Instagram is.

Go to Heatherontour.com. We've got a ton of shows in the spring. It's going to be rowdy. We're going to keep going. So Heatheruntore.com, you know how to find me? Heather K. McMahon on Instagram. Kayla Kardashian. Yeah.

All right. And maybe one will meet up in some city at some point. We have to do something. Let's do a crossover cloud. Memphis sky lounge. Let's go in the, let's do a show. live streaming from the Memphis Sky Club. I booked.

I'll call my agent. You call your agent. Let's get it on the books. Done and done. Done. All right, guys, you know where to find us. Girls Gottyapodewpodcast.com for merch and tour dates and everything else.

Girls Gottye podcast on Instagram. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Rain is ran. com. Got to eat on Twitter and YouTube. com slash Girls Got to eat. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys.

Bye.