Girls Gotta Eat - Friendship Love Bombing and Ghosting

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

We know you love friendship episodes, so it's time for another one! We're discussing friendship love bombing (what it looks like, why people do it, and the ways our listeners have experienced it) and friendship one-night-stands (what they are, how to navigate them, and if you can make a one-night-stand into a real friendship). We're also talking about the number of friends the average person has/can handle, and how we categorize our friendships. Before we get into the topic, we're chatting about why you're not supposed to sit on the toilet too long, Ashley's email inbox behavior vs. Rayna's, and the popular sport we hate. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: JLo Beauty: Get 20% off + three gifts at https://jlobeauty.com/gge. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/GGE Nutrafol: Get $10 off any order and free shipping when you subscribe at https://nutrafol.com with code GGE10. Skims: Shop the Skims best intimate collection at https://skims.com and in stores. Timeline Nutrition: Get 33% your order of Mitopure at http://timeline.com/GGE33. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It sucks to be rejected by a girl you want to be friends with. That hurts. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Before we get into this episode, we just wanted to say that it was recorded in full prior to all the wildfires in California. And so we will not be discussing that in this episode. But we wanted to acknowledge that. And we will be discussing it more on this Thursday's episode. And, you know, we live in Los Angeles. We love it. It's our home. And we are safe, but so many aren't and our hearts go out to everybody. And we, of course, will encourage you to donate as much as possible. We'll post resources for that, help. So many people need so much and will for a while. So we just want to say that and, you know, pass along our love and thoughts to everybody who's affected. And we will talk about this, like Ashley said, on Thursday. I, of course, co-sign everything Raina said. This has just been.

unimaginable and we will talk about it more. But for now, here is your episode. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Can I tell you? I was so hungover the other day. I was like laying on my couch on Saturday and I was genuinely trying to remember how I opened the show. So what is the line I say? You know, it's a little quicker. It's a hi guys. It's not hi guys. You've been a little. I couldn't remember the words in the sentence like how I said it. Not the tone and the speed. the words. What do I say when I open? Six years running.

Seven years running. That's how I'm just the high and the guys. That was what was tripping you up. Was it the high or the guys? You've been a little bit less sing-songy. Are you enjoying it or no? You do you. It's your show too.

We're going to do what we're going to do. Can I tell you what I'm not ready for? Ski season. What's your problem with it? I'm not. It's the time of year when I feel the most like an outsider. Oh, because you and I don't participate. We don't participate.

We're not part of the culture. And everyone's like, you know, group chats or should we do a ski trip? And people are on social media and everybody's talking about it. And I'm so outside of the culture. So every year I hate it. I get through it. But I don't like it. I mean, there's so many things I don't like.

So I'm used to not being a part of the culture. Music festivals. Hiking, biking, skiing, snowboarding, generally any outdoor activities. So, like, I'm used to like being outside the culture. Yeah, I guess there's sort of a music festival season. but your stuff is pretty year-round, like stuff you don't participate in. You know, people are biking always, and you just are used to that. But for me, like, there's a specific ski season, and it's just like, it's okay.

I've come to terms of that I just used to feel a lot more just like, this is a thing that a lot of people around me do and I don't do. Yeah, I mean, I've always thought that. My mom told me growing up, you know, you're going to regret this someday. I'm like, no, I don't watch me. Not skiing? Not skiing. Your mom was like, you're going to regret this someday.

I was like, you're going to regret how you are to me. Someday. Yeah, because I didn't want to ski or bike. And so she was like, you're going to regret this. All your friends are doing this stuff. And you're not going to participate. And it's just like, you and I, we don't like being cold. I don't want to exercise while I'm cold.

It's a lot of suen up. It's so much work for what I don't perceive to be a lot of payoff because I'm white knuckling it down that hill. Bridges just go like zoom zoom down a hill. I feel too scared. I don't like getting going too fast outside of a car. A car, I'm like faster. When you're in a car.

Oh, you are? I don't like that either. Well, you know, I drive fast and I like sparkolized to drive fast because he'll be racing people on the highway and I'm like, you better fucking win. You're jerking him off while he does it. Yes, because he's like, I was like, have you had past partners that don't like this? He was like, yeah. I'm like, if you don't win, I get the, no, I'm kidding.

Yeah, I like going fast, but just like in a protected cage. But I'm with you. I'm going to be held on. It's too dangerous. It feels like a lot of work and money. Yeah. You just hoof it up that hill. Right.

I know I'm not walking up. the hell. I understand that, but it's a lot of clothing to put on. And then the skis, and I'm, I'm nervous about getting off the ski lift. Every year we talk, I don't like it. I don't want to do it. But, like, it does appeal to me. Like, sometimes I'll see these, like, videos of these girlies, like, just going down the hill. I'm like, that looks so cool. They're so cool. You ever see videos of, like, which is not safe, but, like, you'll see two hot women in, like, bath robes skiing down a hill with, like, a cup of coffee in their hand. And I know that's not realistic or safe or real life, but like they're doing it and I'm like, that's the dopest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, it's sexy. Listen, if I was a man, I would find a very sexy and a woman. I'm just not doing it. And it's fine because, you know, I found a man who doesn't care. It's everything. It's being cold. It's exercising. It's just, it's not fun to me.

But I do, I am jealous of the fashion. I know. The fashion is cute. I really love the fashion. Even Kim Kardashian came out with, she was sponsored the show. She came out with like a line in conjunction with North, was it North Face this year? To do like a Skim's North Face collab. Oh, my God, of course.

The Kardashians are such big skiers. They're just the most trend predictors it skims. All right. Well, let's talk on our partners. Thank you to JLo Beauty. Get 20% off and three gifts at JLobeauton.com slash GGE and Quince. Get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com slash GGI. And thanks to Timeline Nutrition, get 33% off your order of mitopure at timeline.com slash GGE 33.

And Nutraful, get $10 off any order and free shipping when you subscribe at Nutraful.com with code Gigi 10. And thank you to Skims, the trailblazers of skiing. Not literally about a reach. Shop the Skims' best intimate collection at skims.com and in stores. So we're back at Gravitas today. You guys are watching on YouTube. We're at this private club in Beverly Hills.

We love it here, deciding if this is going to be permanent. The portion for it. The toilet seats are warmed, and they brought me a Diet Coke and a crystal glass. So they have the fancy toilets. and I haven't like washed my butthole here yet. There's a full bidet. You use bidet as in like public places that aren't your home. It's rare that you come across one.

There was a place in Atlanta that had like the full fancy sushi place. It's this full fancy like Japanese toilet. And I did spray my butthole in that restaurant before. But usually I don't. How hard do you go? I'll go pretty hard. You know me. Okay.

Where do you aim it? In the whole. What? What? What do you mean aim it? They aim it for you. It's only on the, it's on like a remote control. Then you can move your body so that this spray goes to a certain place.

Where's the top? Like it's a carnival game. Like the top. Like you're going to win. Yeah, I'm not like going to go right in the hole. Okay, you don't go straight up the hole. Like that carnival squirt game. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

And like, how heavy is the pressure? They're all different because that Tushie. That Tushy would burn a hole in your butt. Like it was, it was powerful. And other ones are like a lighter stream. I mean, they really are not always. created equal. But the toilets here, yes, the heated seats are incredible. And also I didn't poop in there. Oh, I've pooped here. Today? Yeah, that's why I want to go to a bathroom than you.

Ashley and Tesla are always trying to like come to the bathroom with me. I'm trying to poop. No one's trying to come to the bathroom with you. Every time I'm like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. You guys are like, I'll go too. Absolutely. This is happening to your media multiple times. That's girlhood. I don't want it. And you're the weirder that tells Tess that she can't be in a public bathroom with you. Because I'm trying to poop. I don't want to poop. I don't want to poop. I don't want to poop next to my assistant. I don't want her to think about me like that. It's the opposite of diva behavior.

I need her to like, it disrupts the power in balance. You kick Tessa out of the public bathroom. I let her come. It disrupts the power. Tessa is just trying to bond and you're like, get out of here. You can't hear me pee. I'm having very bad luck with people coming in my house too. Like, I was pooping in my powder room the other day and the contractors let themselves

in the front door. And not the one that the hot one. Are you with the door open? No, I did have the door shut. Were you blowing it up? I was pooping, and then I got so scared, so I run out of there, and then I didn't tell you this. So they came in the front door. Did you wipe?

I'll tell you the whole story. So I didn't know that they were coming, but I was like, I have time. And so I went in my powder room and I was pooping, and then I heard the front door open, and it was not the hot one, but it's the married one. So who says powder room? That's so funny. I'm trying to differentiate between my bedroom bathroom. It's the one in the kitchen. So the contractor and his like four men walked into the house, and I hear them walk in.

So I hurry and I shut the door to the powder room. And I have one of those push locks on the inside. Yeah. You'd like press the little bite. Oh, those stress me out. Yeah, well, I feel like they're fake. I locked my powder room from the inside while I was outside. So I couldn't get back in.

Oh, my God. So I go, like, I was like, oh, hi, guys. So I like pull the door shut so they don't go in there and smell my poop. And I locked my own powder room and couldn't get back in. How'd you end up? You get one of those little push pins? I had to break in. I had a pushpin my own powder room.

Break into the powder room. Say powder room one more time. Powder room. Well, I feel like me and my fiance crossed a boundary because we, which we do stay in hotels a lot, but he usually goes in the lobby to poop. Yeah, as you should. I poop in the hotel room with him all the time. While he's there? Yeah.

Okay. I mean, I turn the faucet on. I turn the fan on. Like, I'm not just like, are you ready for it? And I go like let it rip. Okay. I'm like, listen up. But he doesn't.

He usually just, you know, he likes to take a while. Yeah, he goes in the lobby. I love when we check into a hotel and he immediately scopes out where he'll be pooping. That's how, you know, I know it's love. But we stayed in this Airbnb in La Jolla like over New Year's, and it was just like a one-bed, one bath. And we just had to be in and out of that bathroom. I feel like we really knew what each other were doing in there. And we were open about it.

Is he a first thing in the morning pooper? Do your poop times align? You're a 10.30 a.m. 10.30 a.m. Yeah. He knew I was a little backed up. Like I was, because, you know, I feel a little sluggish. I'm like, I'm going to be honest. I'm not too regular right now. And so when I went in there and it was like three days worth. What are you even saying to me? How did you survive? Two days worth. Two days worth. Two days worth. And I went in there. Two days worth. And I'm exactly. A recent poop study. I was there for so long. How long? Quantify it. Like just way too long. Way too long. The study says you're not supposed to be in there for more than 10 minutes. It just came out. A recent poop study, yeah. By who?

Charmin. Science. Charmin. No, like a real study. Sharman probably went to when they're longer. A scientific study came out. It was like, you're going to... It's bad for your butthole.

To be stretched out like that. Yeah, to be on the toilet scrolling, pushing. What is scrolling and doing your butthole, Ashley? I swear to God. It's bad for your butthole for you to be scrolling TikTok on your phone. Here it is. CNN. Don't start.

on the toilet for more than 10 minutes, doctors warn yada yada. It might seem a harmless way to pass the time when you're going number two. But experts warn that what they call prolonged sitting on the toilet when you're scrolling can harm your health. It's even been connected to an increased risk of hemorrhoids and weakened pelvic muscles, says this doctor, a colorectal surgeon. So it's how long you spend scrolling has a direct impact on your bottle. When patients present to me with complaints, one of the main areas we have to delve deeply into is spending a lot of time on the toilet. I mean, it makes sense. Right? You're just not supposed to be in that position for that long. But I mean, how is it different than being on a Peloton?

Because you're not pushing out your... Oh, the pushing. Your rectum. It's the pushing. It's the pressure. You know I'm not straining it. I stopped working out and I've forgotten everything about it. So anyway, you guys, cap your poop scrolls to 10 minutes. But yeah, you know, I do feel like we kind of crossed a boundary there. Well, I'm glad you guys got through it. Yeah, we made it. Is that when he gave you that nickname? Raina, I wasn't even going to bring that up. Literally just said to myself, don't bring up the nickname. I love you. I'm on this group chat with you guys.

I feel like I'm part of everything you guys do. I really like it. And you were like, he gave me a new nickname. I said, he really got creative with this new nickname. Yeah, he dug deep for it. Poopie lady. The creativity is astonishing. I was like, would she do poop today?

He called me poopie lady. And immediately he was like not my best work. No. Pooply lady. But also something about it is so funny. It's just you can apply it to anything like anything you do in the day, right? Like look at her drinking water, a little water lady. Like it's not creative.

And he's actually like, the beauty is how uncreative is. And he is like so funny and quick. And we have like so many stupid nicknames for each other. But like poopie lady really. Like to start the New Year's poopie lady was something else. So proud. Is he continued it? It's in the mix.

Okay. What else you got? That's, like, secret between us. You know couples that you're stupid. You call each other stupid shit. Yeah. And I used to call me a stupid fucking baby. That's right.

But it was cute. It was endearing. I have one more update for you. And this was something that was not on my 2025 bingo card, but I just got a wild hair. Okay. You know I said wild hair to somebody the other day? And they were like, what did you just say to me? Is that not like a very common phrase?

And then I had to explain what it meant. It's so embarrassing explaining things. I love to say wild hair. I got it from you. I'd never probably said it before you, but I started saying, like, I got a wild hair. We had a friend that said he got a bee in his bonnet. That's crazy. That's crazy coming in a man's mouth.

Yeah. Who didn't know wild hair? The person I told you I don't talk to anymore. But I also don't talk to him. What? I just had a stroke. Didn't one time I say to you cold snap and you were like, that's not a thing? But I think it is.

You've come around. But like, there are. like regional things like in New York people always see it's it's brick outside do you know what that is for it being like cold i've seen that so fucking stupid that doesn't mean anything bricked up means you've a boner to me oh bricked up because you're hard yeah that always like what does brick have to like i don't get it i can't explain it i've also never heard anyone say it brick oh i have okay well you know you know you each their own okay okay i cleaned out my email inbox don't worry i still have 87000 unread emails but you know my email inbox was unmanageable.

Yeah, I don't understand how you look like that. Okay, but let me, I want to talk through this with you. So my email became unmanageable. When I'm on my desktop, they have it divided by promotions. And so it was easier to see. But on mobile, when it's not in folders, like I would be scrolling to get to like the one email that was important in my life. And I don't understand how people keep their inbox manageable.

Like every single business I've interacted with, over the last 20 years has my email. Like every place I've shopped, every charity I've donated to. Even sometimes sites you don't give your email, they know you're there. They got it through your Gmail. Like, I visited a site the other day. I did not sign up for anything. And 10 minutes later, thanks for stopping by, which seems illegal.

So how have people been keeping their email manageable? Absolutely. This is the most, like there's two types of people in the world. Me versus you. And there's people that like hypermanage their inbox like me. and there's people like you that you look at their phone and the number is 2000. Like, we can't keep track.

And I will tell you right now, I'm gonna just, this is a real time thing. Okay, I have on my phone, all the inboxes in my phone, it's my personal email, girls got to eat,

girls got a booking, girls got to eat stories, girls got to eat support, and vibes only, and my old Gmail, I have a total of 71 emails. Unread. Yeah.

So I clean this like 17 times a day. What? It's probably not like a normal way to be. I do have so many emails on my phone. Like, I have every single inbox you and I manage together, plus my personal's, plus vibes only. So it's a lot. I should dial back from it. But I unsubscribe the second something comes in the inbox.

I don't let it even sit there for 20 minutes. Yeah. I mean, so, listen, there was a point where it was zero when I was living that life. But I don't know. That was probably 10 years ago. And then it just got out of hand. And then the number is something I don't even look at. Text messages are crazy.

Like, sometimes my fiancé will have like 50 to 100. read text and I like can't understand it. Those are probably group chats that got really lit, but I can never see a number by my text. I want to be clear because I think it's like there's two types of people and it's like emails are different than text to me. Like I just had to let my email box go. And I was wondering how people do this because I definitely get hundreds of emails a day,

like newsletter, spam type things. They're not all spam. They're marketing. I get it. We send them out too. But you know what I'm saying? Well, I don't get hundreds because I unsubscribe immediately. And there's certain things I have to unsubscribe from like,

so often. Like, you and I travel for a living on tour, so every time I book something on Hotels.com, it triggers me back into the system. Yes, you get a receipt. You're back in the system. I unsubscribe immediately. Okay. So I felt like trying to unsubscribe immediately would be like chasing a moving target. I couldn't do this. At your point, yes. I found this service, which there's a few out there and then there's like mixed reviews on them all. And then there was one that people use that that, then it said it actually doesn't unsubscribe you. You have to stay subscribe to that service or they're all come back in. So I finally found this thing. called clean email. This is not an ad. I paid for the upgraded service. They do have access to your

Gmail, which I don't love, but I found enough reviews and endorsements about it that it seemed fine because they fully have access. They scrape through your email. I went through. They list every single email. I unsubscribed mass. It took me probably five minutes to unsubscribe to, I don't know, three to 400 to 500 things. And I'm cleaned out. They do it by day. They're like, here's what came on on Friday. Here's what came on Saturday. Just mass unsubscribe. They do all the work for you. and you watch it happen in real time. They're like, currently I'm subscribing, waiting to unsubscribe, and they did it all, and I'm, like, living free.

I'm like a new woman. This is how I live. I can check my email on my phone now. I'm so happy for you. Wait, you don't check your email on your phone. No, I would check my email on my phone. But what I'm saying is, like, because it's not divided on your phone, I would open my personal Gmail and be like, I, like, sometimes I would put it away and be like, I don't,

I'd have to search by, like, a sender to even, like, find something. So it's so funny because you ask me this question, literally all the time, we've been in a business together for seven years. you still ask me like every other day, did you see this email? And I'm like, Ashley, there's never been an email. I did not see within 10 minutes to be coming in because I am psychotic. But you get push notifications. So no. You don't? No. Oh, for emails. Emails don't pop up on your phone. I just, I like hypercheck them. Okay. Yeah. I mean, years ago, I was like, I can't have emails come up on my phone because all day, it's every place I've ever shoped. I've every email address that

we managed on my phone. So I couldn't do that. Yeah. I am so happy for you to live like this. It feels so nice. It makes your email way less scary. But now I can, if I see one go in, immediately unsubscribe, I've gotten to, like, the manageable, normal place. Yeah, when you said hundreds, I was like, I don't know. I unsubscribe to maybe three a day. Okay. Yeah.

No, now I'm living that way. But I'm cleaned out. And again, there's still 87,000 unread. I am so happy for you. Honestly, it feels amazing. I'm objected to it. That's why I check it so often. Yeah.

Okay. Tess and I cleared out our booking email. I said we, you know, Tass and I managed, like, all the incoming requests from people that are asking to come on the show. I was like vibrating from stress for how many we had in there. It was 20. It was 20 and it was 20 because like everybody's been off work for the last two weeks and like normally every day I get back to them and Tessa will just say like thank you very much. We appreciate the pitch, whatever. Like we sent a kind response to everybody. Yeah. And the 20 was like really making me like feel like I was going to die inside. Oh my God. And I was like if Ashley sees this, I don't even know.

Can you imagine I judge you? I'll be so embarrassed. I'll be so embarrassed if she sees this. Like Raina, I know I have 87, but this 20, it's just not like you. Okay, anyway, well, I did want to tell you that. And it feels good. Like, cleaning something up like that feels nice. Oh, my God. Also, Saturday, we didn't speak to each other. It was the first day.

There's maybe three days and seven years that you and I have not spoken for a whole day. And I was having an amazing day. I did not talk to one person. I know I left of a couch. And I thought that was so funny because we were talking to our friend Brittany. And I said that there was three days ever that I hadn't spoke. But we were watching the Golden Globes with her. And I said, what did you do yesterday?

It was one of the – I said that's crazy. He's one of the only three times I've ever not talked to you for a full day. Usually if it's rounding 11 a.m., I'm like, are we mad at each other? Right. So her response was like shock that, like, you and I have, don't have days where we don't speak to each other. Raina. She asked, do you two talk every day? And it made me question if you're downplaying our friendship to her.

Oh, no. How does she not? also we run two businesses but I almost like I had to reel it in to answer the question I laughed in her face so you answered so calmly that I was like why isn't actually going harder about this I don't want to give people that tone of like yeah what are you stupid you know like but in my head I'm like what I literally was out of loss and I was like what is rain I've been telling her that we're not that close that we're just work friends Seriously. I've been mean to ask you.

Oh my God. That's so funny because your response was like pretty calm and I was like, this is an insane question. It was an insane question. Actually, there's probably like, you and I are like hyper involved in each other's lives because we have all the same friend groups and I'm also on a group chat with you and your fiance. And we run two business. Yeah. And like every person that works for us is on like, even before I hit you up solo or on 17 group chats together in a day. So by the way, I haven't downplayed our friendship. But by the way, technically we still texted. on Saturday on a group chat. So you knew I was alive.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I just knew you were alive that day. Nothing, like, tipped me off. So I just, I knew you were fine. I didn't really need to, like, call you or check in or drive by. But I actually don't even think it's one of the three days because technically we were on a group chat.

There was one day in, like, 2018. We were like, I think it was over the holidays. And we didn't talk. Maybe it was 2019. 2020, during the quarantine, there were some days that I didn't speak to people. But that was, like, such dark. times. Yeah.

I already, the beginning of the quarantine. I just had days right and speak to people because it was just so depressing. You probably still spoke to me. I mean, if we were on the tape, probably. I would have called Verizon and be like, I need the receipt. I do think you were just like, are you safe? Because I literally was living alone during the quarantine. Yeah, I think I checked in with you quite a lot.

That is so, but yeah, I mean, I thought the way, the shock that went through my body when she asked, like, do you guys talk every day? Yeah, it was wild. It also made me wonder, like, does your average person have people that they, without fail talk to every day. Because like, I mean, outside of you for me, it's Melanie and it was one other person who I'm trying to unweave my addiction to. So it was, oh my God. There's three people that I spoke with all day every day. Right now it's just you and Melanie. But like, Melanie, I'll go a day or two. If she's on vacation, if she's in Europe. Okay. But you with Alfield, do you think your average person

like talks to their friends every day? I am curious about it. Not their romantic partners, friends. Friends, yeah. Well, my romantic partner is my best friend. Just kidding. I imagine. I've been thinking about you telling people that recently. Like, does she tell people that? Because for so many years, you talk about that podcast about like, ew, that's her best friend? That's your favorite person? That's your best friend.

And I've been like, she think that's her best friend. So you will never hear me out of the words that my fiancé, soon to be husband, is my best friend. I'll never say it. If I say it, it's going to be sarcastically in my vows. I have thought about starting my vows like that and then be like, just getting you guys, ew. I've been thinking about it for a while now. But does she think that's her best? But here's the thing, they do kind of, they are one of your besties.

Like, we are buddies. Like, yeah, you just, it's never to be uttered out loud. I will never say it. And if you say it, that's great, because a lot of you probably do, and that's your truth. Like, it's a beautiful thing. Of course, he's one of my best friends. Like, I love our friendship. I love talking shit with him.

I love downloading my day with him. I'm loading your poop. With him. I love talking about my poop with him. But I just, I'm never going to say. I think it's an insult to you. I worry about it sometimes. And female friendships in history.

I think you see it more with people like my brother and my sister-in-law where like they've been together since they were 22 and now they're like 35. And it's like it's not a shooting up plenty of friends of her own. But like my brother probably is her best friend because like that's who shaped her growing up. Like that's been the main influence in her life. Like your fiance is not the main influence in your life growing up. Yeah.

And it's just like, yes. Okay. Technically he's one of my best friends now. One of them. I think it's also how you're brought up. Like, my mom would never call my dad her best friend. I've always said this. Kathy's her best friend.

And then after that, it's Jen. And then after that, it's a cookie and Joanne. You know, like, he's not in the best friend group. It's just like, that should be your favorite person in the world. And, like, that is like your therapist and your accountant and the person that gives you life advice. It's your life. It's your life coach. It's not your best friend.

Yeah. No, I've actually been thinking about it too because I really do love him as a friend, which I think is really special. Because I think some people, like, their relationship feels just more like a romantic partnership or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But, like, yeah, it's just kind of like you, I think you see couples that are truly like buddies and you see some that don't really give that vibe. I mean, when I look back at the people I've really loved, one of the things that I will always say, one of the things I was actually recently telling somebody about my last relationship was he was a great friend to me. Like, like, not because you're having sex with them or raising their children or they need money from you.

Like, just they were a great friend to me. And I think a tell of that is like when you see couples like really laughing together or like they have inside jokes and, you know, they like talk and gossip. Like I've been around his parents. Like I remember being like a wedding with his parents the summer and like they're like giggling. Like they're friends. Like it's cute to see. So speaking of friendship, we do a friendship topic today. Real friends.

Not your partner as your friend. It could be your friend, not your best friend. Yeah. Not your best friend. We're going to get more into what we have a friendship topic today, but we're just going to talk about a few partners, and then we will get into it. Okay. So it's a new year, and if any of your goals include looking and feeling younger or just like preserving how you're feeling right now, feeling your best, regaining your energy, feeling confident in your skin, conquering your goals, knowing your own strength, getting stronger. Whatever your goals are, this is a supplement that can help. It really supports your health at the foundation by encouraging cellular renewal.

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shop Skims' Best Intimates, including the fits everybody collection and more at skims.com and skim stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you, select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay. So we've been like really talking about doing this episode for a while. And I feel like there's all of these articles we keep seeing about like different buckets of friendships, different friendship tropes and how we all just sort of categorize friends and what they meet to you versus what you mean to them and things like that. And so I wanted to kind of like run through some of those today. I thought it was just like really interesting all these things that have come across our desk. And the articles were in New York

Times. We'll cite them. And I pulled a stat from here about just in generally how we are with friendships. Okay. Based on a widely cited article. Most humans have the brain capacity to maintain 150 friendships with five or six at the very core. So like including manual. 10 to 15. in the second tier 30 to 40 in the third tier the fourth tier encompasses every everyone else you're not embarrassed to greet upon meeting accidentally at the airport that's so funny hey what's up the fifth gigantic ring is just acquaintances yeah so i thought that was just interesting in general like 150 friends a lot of people that's going to sound crazy to some people yeah yeah like people you wave but like i don't consider somebody i would wave at at the airport a friend necessarily yeah i mean

that's fourth tier though. Okay. I think of, I probably think of my friends in four tiers, but I might throw the acquaintances in that fourth tier. Totally. The like five or six people, which it says including certain family members. So if that's like your sister or your brother is like one of your best friends, this just feels about right to me, the 10 to 15 in the second tier and then 30 to 40 in the third

tier. And I've had to think about this too with planning a wedding and then thinking about like a bachelorette, for example. Oh my God, totally. That's when you start to like, definitely bucket people. This Bachelorette is first and second tier, which I feel like that's about right because I'm thinking of about 20 people. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. And that's where you cut it off. And that's when you bucket people. And then third tier, if you're going to have a pretty standard type of wedding, I don't know, with 100-ish, 150-ish people, I don't know what's average. Like, that's probably going to be your third gets in there. A work friend. Work friend you don't really socialize without out of work. Yeah.

Some people, though, those work friends are top tier because they know all your secrets. You're my work-friend. Yeah. Your work-wife, though. I also really like that article, too. And it did feel about right. And I think everybody's different. Like, someone's like, I don't know 150 people.

What are you saying? I know. It's giving, like, top eight from MySpace. Like, who will be in your top eight? But, like, 150 people acquaintances. That's like, and where are we drawn? What's an acquaintance? Right.

Yeah. So I guess that's, I know 150 people. I mean, I've thought about this before when I've tried to clean out my follows on Instagram. I'm like, I haven't met so many people in my life. And, like, a lot of people, like, I may not keep up with them anymore, but I'm not going to unfollow them. So I feel really bad about those people because I'm like, we haven't spoken.

Some of them are people from like my Danny Meyer Union Square Cafe. I was a manager there when I was like, I mean, over a decade ago. And I'm like, I haven't talked to these people in 10 years. Yeah. I got to follow them. I know. I'm the same way with these people from Atlanta, like people I used to do PR with or whatever, you know. And like, those are people for a moment in time.

We would like go to drink solo. But it feels so mean to unfollow them. But I'm like, I don't really need you here. I love when I find a. I find a rogue person that I can unfollow. Like, this happened last night, I was like, who was this girl? Because some people don't post a lot, but then they, like, get engaged and they post, and they come up in your feed because the algorithm is like, they haven't posted in five years.

Here you go. And so I saw this girl. I was like, who's this engaged girl? Perfect time to unfollow. And then I was like, she was like a friend of like an ex. And I'm like, immediate unfollow. And I hope she's doing well. But I was just like, oh, so easy.

Don't feel bad about it. She was like friends with my ex. No, you could unfollow some people. Right. Actually, when I go through your phone. follows sometimes. It's 2000. I mean, I was like, one day I was like, do you know you follow Airbnb? You guys stop. Do not. Look at my follows. I've really been trying to clean them up. I try to keep you did. You're in 1998. That's great. Oh, God. I like to say under 2000. You're doing under 2000. You're

doing under 2000. You follow a lot of businesses. And I'm like, you could just look it up on the internet. Like, you follow restaurants. I'm trying to, I mean, I'm, it takes me a long time to find it because like I have to scroll past every person you and I co-follow, which is like half of the people that I follow, you follow. I can't, I can't even get there. You follow a lot of business shows. I mean, I was way more loose with it in the early days of Instagram. Oh, yeah. Like every restaurant, every who, you know, you were just like toss them a follow. Yeah. So I'm, I never get to the bottom. Now I'm just, I'm really conservative with it. And there's people that I should be and I'm like, I can't, I can't, I got a standard 2,000. That's so many people to follow. Okay, you can

unfollow meme accounts. I have over the years. There was a point where it was so many. And then I'd see like a stupid meme. I'm like, we're done here. I, okay. Yeah. All right. Well, You'll work on it, but you're under 2000. That's good. I've been working on following some of those businesses. But if you guys check her follows and it's just something crazy, just DM me about it. It's funny. And it's probably 50.

It's probably 50 corgi accounts. And koalas. Okay. I really want somebody to go through all this and categorize it for us. I want somebody to be like Ashley follows 48 koalas, 95 corgis. I want this list. I'm going to show you. So if I just start to type in core.

If I start to type Corgi, like, C-O-R... Oh, my God, Ashley. Oh, no, it's not that many. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Okay. Yeah, I've cut back, but they could be under other things, too. Right, they could. Just type in dog.

Dog, and there's all the dogs. Oh, my God, Ashley. All right, let's do koalas. Okay. Okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Nine. Nine Kuala accounts. Do you think that's all the Kuala accounts on the Internet?

Like, how many? Work of their bee. You've got all of them. You know what's the worst is when you're following an animal and they die? I used to follow this house fox. This like domesticated fox. And then there's also this like domesticated raccoon. And when they pass, it's like, I have to sit with it for a minute.

No, I followed some dogs that die. And then you're like... It's so sad. Well, okay, that's not my first thought. My first thought is how much longer do I have to follow this? Oh, no. It's a legitimate question. Right.

Because you're like, okay, I feel about it died. But like, it's eating one of my follows. Right. Or that squirrel that they have. to put down. But that got all political. Yeah. Why was that squirrel like a MAGA icon?

The fact that that squirrel turned into like a political pawn. The fact that people just found out about that squirrel, I've been following it for four years. You were following that squirrel? Ryan told me about that squirrel like four years ago. Did you think the owner was hot? So hot. Why do you think I followed him?

And he'd wear these great sweatpants and he's a huge dick. And the squirrel would be like climbing around. We're following that squirrel. What was its name? Have been maga squirrel? Squirrel Maga. Peanut the squirrel. Peanut's first article.

Peanut the squirrel's death sparks MAGA backlash. Rainy you were following a MAGA account. I've been following this. Listen, that guy does look. That guy looks maga, but you don't know about this. No, I knew all about it. This guy always wears gray sweatpants and he's always just like yoked up with his like his butts out.

He's this big dick and you always, look at his dick. Look at his dick. That is crazy. You'd think that was the squirrel in there. I mean, yes, it looks like. Like a squirrel. I mean, okay, so we never talked about peanut on the snack. And I think we must have taken a week off.

I mean, look at his dick, Ashley. Yeah, I can see it. And they purposely zoom in on how huge it is. Right. Okay, now I do see why you followed him. That's how I know that Ryan's gay. That's how we know Rain is mega. It must have been an off week of the snack because we would have absolutely talked about

peanut the squirrel. I think it was over Thanksgiving. It was. I was on the group chat over Thanksgiving about this squirrel. Yeah, we talked about how we didn't talk about it. Okay, got it. All right. Well, where were we? Friendship. Ashley's follows.

No, when I look at my follows, I'm like, I still consider that person. Like, I think that's a good gauge. Like, if we saw each other in the Delta Lounge, would we be like, oh, let's catch up for a minute? You know, we would do more than like a passing hello. Totally. You know? And I still, like, root for, like, I would feel really bad if somebody was like, does she not root for me anymore? Right.

Like you didn't do anything wrong, sis. I just don't really care that much about your life, you know? Right. But I root for you. Anyways. Well, that's almost how I felt with some of those businesses. I unsubscribe to their newsletter. It's like, I support your business still.

Yeah. I just, but I forget which comedian was this isn't my like original thought, but it was like, I hardly understand how like buying a $10 pair of socks has subscribed me for a lifetime of your content. Like, take some money and leave me alone. Right. Like, I'm sorry to all the Democrat emails I was getting. Like, where you're at, I don't need.

I'm voting, I'm donating, I'm doing what I'm doing, I don't, you don't need to clog my inbox anymore. Totally. And those emails are always so aggressive. They're like, it's the end of the world. It's all caps, it's red. Yeah, it's crazy. Like, how do they get it to be red?

Oh my God, all during election season. Stop, stop, stop, stop. And I will tell you, we talked about this before with the texts, but the fact that you unsubscribe to an email and then they email you again. Oh, it's the number one thing. Are you sure? Yeah. You've been unsubscribe.

Unsubscribe. No, they hit you. Are you sure? Did you mean to do this? It might have been an accident. I'm not kidding. I had to check a box and do that. Are you a human thing?

Cap cut, CAPTCHA? I died. I'd find all the buses to unsubscribe. That's illegal. No, they're supposed to make it easier on you. Earlier I unsubscribe to something and they had me input my first and last name. I was like, this is illegal.

I'm filing a complaint. It's supposed to be one click. Also, I'm really struggling with the fact that, like, my email address is Raynal and I'm trying to like lean into it more and use Raynal more often. But now when I unsubscribe, I actually don't know if I'm unsubscribing from Raynal or my other one and try to do it two times now. This is a problem I created on my own. Because these businesses are probably like we got Raynal. Rinal's on our list. Do they talk about it in company meetings? We got Raynal. Oh my God. Like the draft. Okay. We got Reynolds. Okay. All right. Well, circling back.

Okay. Hit me with the first trope. Okay. So I want to talk about friendship. one-night stands. Okay. Which I think this is so interesting. I think that we've all been there and it's exactly what it sounds like. And it's, well, I mean, you don't fuck because then it's an actual one-night stand. But a friendship one-night stand just feels like you connect with somebody immediately. Maybe you run around all night.

Maybe you're bar hopping together or you just have some deep conversation and you share all your secrets. And I feel like a lot of this is like alcohol-induced. You know, it's just like the drunk girls in the bathroom at the club. You know, like we're all like. in the club we're all fan. You know? Like, I feel like it's that. But on a different level,

sometimes you really do bond with, like, one girl. And you wake up and are like, that's my new friend. And she doesn't feel that way. I know, it's so crazy. Because it's usually for me at a house party when there's, like, a bunch of people. And I find one person. I went to this party one night. I met this girl.

I think she worked for New York Magazine. I was like, I think I just sat there and talked to her for, like, 30 minutes. I, like, couldn't get enough of every single week, changed numbers. We were, like, going to hang out. I put her on my, like, L.A. friends list in my notes and we just never spoke again. Mm-hmm.

And did you, wait, did you reach out? I'm going to text at her and she sent me like an invite to something and then I don't go, now that I'm running on the tape on this, she did try to be my friend. And then I didn't really. I one night stand at her, actually. The tables of turn. It's hard for me sometimes to not continue a friendship with somebody that I have no other ties to, but like it's more likely that I will continue the friendship.

Like when we first moved here two years ago, we had that night out of a lot of La Samaroso and she invited all these girls over. We had like this girl's night and you and I of this day are still really close to all the girls that were there. But like everyone else is tied together. It's just like a random person in the world. I'm less likely to like continue a friendship

I guess because not in my orbit as much. Yeah. I mean, I was trying to think like I don't think that I've ever pined for a woman I've had a fun night out with. Like either we've become friends. Right. Because I'm good at making friends. Or I realized it for what it was, which

just probably like a fun drunk night. Like I was trying to think if I've ever been like, God, I want her, you know, like I want her to be my friend. And she like rejects me, you know, but it's, it's me. We became friends. Like I also, and this will transition right into love bombing, but I have a sense for people who are love bombing or her like too close too soon or just like too much and like that's a turn off to me. And I think it can be fun sometimes to like super bond with a girl when you're drunk at night. Like we're at a party or at a bar or at a club or whatever. So I think we've all had those moments, but I was thinking of this one girl, and we met at the stand in New York at, like, one of their parties, and, like, we just buddied up all night. We had, like, the best time.

Like, we were, like, best friends in that night. Like, it was just, like, we were together all night. We were talking the same people. Like, we immediately connected. We were, like, back and forth. And we are still friends. Like, we've gotten to lunch a couple times, and we were at a party a couple weeks ago. But I don't know. It was definitely that. It was definitely like, tonight we're besties. And, like, tomorrow we won't be. And, like, that's okay. It's just nice to meet those people sometimes just like in the wild. And I copy this thing from one of the articles that says, you know, what's nice about it is you're not constrained by the baggage of history or the weight of expectations. It's an opportunity to be a different version of yourself to experiment and to fully embrace the present moment because you have like no history, no obligations to this person.

And I think we all become a certain version of ourselves with the different people around us. And I don't think you show up as a totally different person in all your friendships. But there's certain people I'm a little more affectionate with. There's certain people a little sillier with. I think that different people experience me in different ways. There's certain people I'm probably a little more combative with than others, you know? And this person is just free of all those constraints. Yeah.

And, you know, I think what we want to offer here is, like, what happens when you have someone like that and you really want to be their friend? And I think, as a rule, I think you can reach out twice. You know, if you exchange numbers, that's fine. or if it's just you find them on Instagram or social media in some way. Like, I think if you're the one pursuing, like, if you're the one that had the one I stand and you're like, I really want to be her friend and she hasn't reached out, what should I do? I think you do a light touch.

Like, hey, we should get together. And if they ghost you and ignore you, we're done here. But if they hit you back with a vague, like, yeah, we definitely should. But don't really offer anything up, then that's okay because you're still kind of a stranger maybe. And I think you can do like one more specific thing. Like if they don't bite on that first thing, I think you can then be like, hey, you want to go to coffee or, hey, do you want to go to yoga or do that? And then if they reject you again, like, that's not meant to be. And they don't want to be your friend. And for

whatever reason, you know, maybe it was just a one-night stand for them. Maybe they do this all the time. You know, maybe they're like, fuck girl. And that's it. Or, but I do think, like, sometimes people, we all kind of do this like, yeah, we should get together. And it's not that we don't want to, but sometimes we just say it. And then we do need a little extra push to, to do it. Some people will just have less capacity for friendship. Like, we were with a girlfriend friend last night and I really like her. She's great, but she was saying, like, I don't respond to text messages. And I think she's just the kind of person that's just not going to be on her phone all day long, just texting. Like, I don't think she's going to have a thousand friends. She's just

ping pong you back and forth with. Like, she probably is less likely to meet somebody to party and like follow up with them the next day and talk to them, whereas, like, you and I are on our phones a little bit more. Yeah. But, like, if somebody's just outside my orbit, like, you and I are like running these two businesses and we already have a lot of friends and our families. And, like, if they're just kind of outside my orbit, I just kind of forget about that. them. Yeah. I mean, I'm thinking about this girl who I met at that little holiday party that Lisa did. And like, I don't know. I really liked her. And we've messaged since and me like we should get together. But like, I don't feel like we're at a point where I would just like go to a solo lunch with her. It might feel a little awkward.

So I'm like, I'm kind of hoping for another group hang. But I'm like, I think I want to be her friend. You texted me. You told me that you made a new friend. I know. But I think of Louisa, who was like literally like a sister to me. And she says she had to work for my friendship. hard. And she, we had met when we were both doing internships and then we came across each other over the years. And she said, like, we should hang out sometime. And she said that I gave her like, yeah, totally. And again, it was just like a me. She was like, I knew you were in PR and I figured you probably just said that to everybody. And she really like, pin me down. She was like, okay, well, when you make people work a little bit for it. It's a nice quality. Listen, I wish I was like that. I guess I'm saying that an encouraging way of like, don't feel silly to like try twice.

And then after that, I think you can hang it up. And then we talk about the like, Meet Them Twice Theory, which is sort of invisible through the string theory, which is just like running into someone a second time when it comes to romantic partners. But this could work with friendships, too. Like maybe you just got to meet them again. Maybe you just got to run into him again. I just, you just need to have some kind of like shared thing. Yeah. You know, and if I can manufacture that, like, I have friends that all like go to an archo with. And I wouldn't, that's, there's nobody else to ask. That's my archo friend. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go to. Right. One year. But it's, you know, I think people get in their head. They're like, it sucks.

be rejected by a girl you want to be friends with. That hurts. I know, but I feel like for the throughout the years, like so many people have been like two episodes on how to make friends and meet friends. And like, this is the best way. Like, you had this great night altogether. Like, just follow up with them on Instagram. Yeah. And if they don't respond, like, put them in the bucket of the one night stands you've had with potential romantic partners. It's just life, you know? And like, you had a fun night and that's what it is. And maybe you'll run into them again or maybe they weren't worth it. And maybe you dodged a bullet. And they were going to be a shitty friend. Should it be like that sometimes? Yeah. It'd be like that. But we want to talk about

a love bombing. I feel like I'm like foaming at the mouth to talk about that. I'm so excited. Okay. Because like as I read this, there was a few articles about it because like you hear about love bombing in relation to romantic partners and then it's different than like love bombing with a friend. Like I didn't even identify it as this. Like what has happened to me with like a couple friends and like you were along for like such a crazy ride with somebody. But love bombing with like a romantic partner is a real need to like control you and control the relationship. And I don't think it's so insidious with friends. Well, I guess I sort of agree with that. I mean, to me, I guess you're probably talking about a love bombing as being part of a bigger problem where it comes to like a narcissistic type personality type.

Like love bombing and just as its own action is just like too close, too fast, making promises, future tripping, all that stuff. Like it can be manipulative and insidious, but the action of it in general is again just that like laying it on too thick too soon. I guess by what I'm saying is like the motivation feels different for me. So like in friendships I brought out like excessive praise. Right. The motivation. Constant communication. Support that feels a little misplaced. Because you're like, you're like you don't know me that well. You're actually so right. Yeah. You're you are right. Because I think I hate to say that like the reason a woman might do it or like, you know, a younger woman might do it is like just a like neediness for friendship and like connection. That's all I read. I read it. I read it is a

You need to connect and you think these are the tools that are going to help you connect with somebody. Right. And probably girls that have done this with friends, like, they get rejected a lot because it is too much. But they're like, this is what I have to work with is telling somebody they're so pretty and offering great gestures and I'll pick you up from the hospital or the airport. I'll buy you things. Yes.

And it feels so misplaced. But with a romantic partner, I see this is a way to control me with a friend. I'm like, you really are just like grasping at straws to connect with me. Right. I guess there could be a little darker. side of why a woman might do this to a potential friend. She wants to steal our identity. No, but like those people that are just want to be everybody's best friend, they're like social climbing, like clout chaser type people. Like there could be that. You know, you just lay it on so thick with

everybody. You want everybody to feel like they're your best friend, which is like a red flag. Like I pick up on it. I'm like, yeah. Our relationship isn't deserving of this type of like you said excessive praise or compliments or communication or gifts or whatever it is. I think with these people, like you have to assess their other friendships. I always think it's a red flag if someone doesn't have any long-term friendships. There's exceptions to every role of why someone might not. So you could be that. But if someone really has no long-term friendships to speak of,

they're only friends with the people in this phase of their life. You have to kind of know that like you could be a short-term friend as well if you want to continue down this path. Like I always am a little wary of it. Yeah. I mean, I just, I try to guard the things that I share with those people. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

Like I'm happy to be like silly and share memes and like be cute. And like I was joke it's hard to love on me because like I believe those things. But like it's hard to describe it. You just know it when you feel it. Like it feels really icky. And you're just like this is too soon for this like heaping on of praise. And like I've noticed this when I first moved to L.A. People would offer to pick me up at the airport all the time or like after I got my breast reduction here, I had like this girl like send a bunch of food to my house.

And like all these things at their course on like you're complaining about. really nice stuff. Like, you're like, you're complaining about people's kindness, but you're just like, it's misplaced and I feel it. Like, it's too much. Yeah. And I think some people, of course, there's exceptional. Some people are like, that's just how I am. I meet somebody and they're like family my love language. Yes. Like, of course I would send you food to your house after you get surgery. Like, doesn't everybody do that? But like, I can sort of just feel the difference when you meet somebody that is always like that with everybody and that's just their personality or their love bomby. And this can look different ways.

I think we kind of know what it looks like, but we did ask our followers on Instagram if they have ever been love-bombed by a friend and what it looked like. We got some everything from, you know, wanting to hang out a lot to single white female style. I mean, the number one thing that stood out to me was asking for locations too soon. I don't want to share my location with anybody and I feel a little weird like I shared it with Jackie recently who's like one of my closest friends. I was even like, I'm not trying to share my location with you. The sharing location is funny because remember that one night we were just, dinner, me, Brittany and Allie, and we all just decided to share a location. Not me? You never did? No, and then.

Brittany made fun of me because we were Paris this winter. I was like, when are you going to be here, whatever? And she sent her location to me. And she's like, where are you? And I screenshot my location and set it back. And she was like, are you fucking serious? Oh, my God. You're not going to share your location with me? And I was like, I don't want to. Like, that's so funny. She put you on blast. I don't really like sharing my location with anybody unless you need. Why would you need to know where I am unless it's you? Well, I should No. Because those times when I was worried about you, but then also if you're in your home, you could still be dead in your home.

Totally. So it's not going to help. Right. Exactly. When I don't know where you are, when I'm worried about you, I think you're dead in your home. Right. So it wouldn't really help. When you are not where you say you're going to be on time, I know you're in your home.

That's why we can't share locations. I can't share a relocation with you because I lie too much. I say on the way too much when I'm still at home. Okay. All right. Sharing locations too early. Why are we? There's some people that really get off

And like Jackie said to me She's like I have everybody's location You're my last trophy I don't want to share my location with anybody I don't like it Now I've been getting a little addicted to it Because I'm like what kind of shady ass shit Are you guys doing?

It is fun It's fun Yeah But I don't want to anyways Sharing your location with somebody too soon It's so awkward You're like I don't need you to know where I Right

You need you to know that I spend seven nights A week at home Right Oh no Okay so yes Wanting to hang out every single day You know everything about me share locations. She would insist on paying for things for us, justified by caring for us.

I mean, they're definitely friends that also like buy friends too. We've known a few. And listen, I'll take some of that. I'm going to keep you at arm's length, but I'll take that vacation. I mean, the grandiose gesture thing, you're like, this feels a little misplace. It also depends on what it is because some people have a bunch of money and they just want to treat people and have a good time. dinners, tickets, this and that. Again, you shouldn't take, take, take, take and, like, take advantage of people, but, like, presenting me with the item too soon. I'm like, what is this gift?

Take it back. I know. That's what I feel. I'm like, I'm suspicious of it. You bought me clothes to, why did you buy me clothes? It's too much. Do you think I can't dress? Inviting me on, like, a trip or picking up the tab for the whole dinner.

And also, it's, I can't, I'll take it. I don't want to make it all sound insidious. You guys are probably like, yeah, this sounds nice. These people are being nice. It's like, I don't know, it's misplaced. Yeah. It feels misplaced. Constant, again, the text barrage, calling, wanting to meet up, even though when you're not reciprocating, obsessive and overly generous, but then became manipulative if she didn't like my choices.

And then this one says, it started innocent enough. It turned into borderline stalker. She morphed her appearance to look like me, died and cut her hair, same clothes, piercings, and suddenly became super jealous than my other friends. They all saw it right away. It took me months. That is not your traditional love bombing. That's something else completely. That's like single-way female.

That's like they want to be you or. be with you romantically. Yes. I think these type of friendships tend to implode pretty in a big way. They kill you. Yeah. If you die in your house, then... Your other friends can't find you. Then you have no friends to find a location. And I think that these people probably have a pattern of that happening. So they're used to it. Yeah. After the first meeting, they declared we were best friends. The friendship imploded in months. Yeah. I mean, that is one of the most of like the you're my best friend and like even sometimes you see it on reality shows like I get it you've been through a lot together and you have a crazy shared experience if you're on

the bachelor together but like you come out of it six weeks later that's your best friend you and I see people in love with blind say this all the time and I'm like you didn't spend six weeks you spent all week yeah that's my best friend with my best friend I'm like yes you do see it you're right you do see in love is blind all the time that's my best friend embarrassing you just met her do you have any other friends So crazy. It's hard for me to differentiate sometimes. Like when people use you as a sounding board in a crisis and you're like, you wouldn't

even be my 10th call on this list. Right. I mean, this one says like she called me crying after the second time we ever hung out about her date canceling. And it's just like sometimes I feel for these people because it sounds like they just don't have a lot of friends. Yeah. And it's just like I don't want to come across insensitive.

Like I get it. Some people have a harder time making friends. So when you meet someone you connect with, you may feel like you're closer. than they do. And I want to be empathetic about that. And, you know, we've done plenty of episodes on, like, making friends. And, you know, if you go too much too soon, you are going to, like, push people away. That's not the answer. But I also do feel bad. I mean, you know, it's people do this in romantic relationships. Like, they just want it so badly, you know? Like, this is no different than someone acting like this with, like, someone they've been on a couple dates with. Like,

they just want it so badly that they go too hard over correct. I think it's really well-intentioned. I think all this stuff is well intention. I think it's just, I mean, buying somebody a bunch of stuff, like, isn't an attempt to, like, throw your money around usually. It's an attempt to be like, this is my value I can bring to this friendship. And, like, see, I am worthwhile, you know, like, it's all an attempt to show their value, whether it's, like, complimenting you or I think people that call you too soon in a crisis probably are, like, lacking friends.

Well, I actually want to bring up the other side of the coin, which someone wrote two back-to-back, say, yes, I was all bummed. I didn't know or realize until she discarded me. and then one said, told me I was her rider DiBestie and wanted to live together until she dropped me. And now I want to talk about people who just have like a flavor of the week. And I don't really know what that is about. And I had a friend like this. I mean, this was like high school.

And she was just that best friend bouncer. Like best friend was someone like attached at the hip for a couple weeks or a couple months or even like a year. And then you have a new best friend. And she just like drops the one before it. I don't really understand that behavior or why it happens or where it comes from. But that happens too. I mean, these like best friend hoppers. I think you see people like obviously on Hollywood a lot like glob themselves on to somebody because they want like fame.

But yeah, we all have like that person we know that's like she's a different best friend every week. I can't like be involved in it. But what is that? I think that if I let people get that close to me, I could have a new best friend every week because you say people are attracted to me. They are. People like to tell me their problems. It's just I have boundaries. Yeah.

And I don't know. Like maybe it's just those people don't have the same boundaries and it seems like fun at the beginning. And then you're like, ah, like, people, like, more easily discard somebody. Yes. I also don't easily discard of people. I have boundaries and idols don't discard them easily. So, like, I'm sort of outside of that bucket. It's weird.

It's almost like guys that do that. It's almost like someone that just wants that newness and then wants to move on to the next. And you don't really think of it with friends. But, like, we all know that girl that has, like, a different best. And she's usually, like, cool and fun. Like, you know, they're able to get that best friend every week because people want to be friends with them. Totally.

And we've all heard it. It's like, oh, that's her new, like, flavor the week. And it's just like, no, that can't be me, you know. And I just wonder what the motivation is and where it comes from. And maybe it's like they have insecurities that they don't want someone to get too close. So maybe that person, like, picks a new best friend and they get, they have a bunch of fun with them. And they're like, we're besties, we're this and that. And then they get too close and they have to push them away. I mean, who knows. But it's a weird behavior. Maybe they don't feel the same, like, level of closeness with others that you and I might because, like, it can develop really quickly. and you can discard it really quickly. So, like, maybe you just don't develop such a deepness with other people the way that some do. Yeah, or maybe it's a you desperately need that validation. And, like, it's like a chase. It's like a real dopamine rush to, like, think you're so great, amazing. Yeah. I did that.

Yeah. Or, again, it's like, I'm going to make her my best friend. And then once you get her, you're done with her. I mean, I don't know. It's weird. It's like, it's a strange behavior. So I think there's, like, really two sides of the reason why people do this. it's like someone that is a little more like needy and desperate and really wants friendship

and then someone that's just like a friend hopper. Yeah. So neither. It's good. Hot take. Okay. Well, we're just going to talk about our other partners and we will get right back into it. I am telling you guys about Nutraful.

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She said, I love you to me three times. And it was making me so uncomfortable. And I didn't say it back any of the three times. And I was like, oh, she's just going to keep. Thank you so much. I love you. And I don't even know me. Like, I'm really more conservative with it.

Like, I just really don't like. But I'm trying to get better because I'm like, it doesn't have to be that deep. Everyone says I love you. And like, I've noticed sometimes when at the end of a show or a tour. when we have a million people in that room, I'm throwing them out. Like, I'm just like, everybody gets and I love you. The strippers got, I love you guys, love you guys. Everybody feels unnatural.

I guess a little bit, but in the moment, it's so happy, it's so joyful. I love you, guys. Thank you. I love you. I'm just doing it way more. But sometimes, like, after a girl's dinner, like, all the hugs and the I love you, I'm like, oh, just say it back, I guess. Like, I don't know.

Like, I'm like, do I love you, though? Like, I don't think I love you. I agree. I'm with you. Like, that's what I think I'm lying. Sometimes it's just easier to do it than to like not say it back. I love watching you hug people. It's very funny.

I have always felt like I'm a little more on the abnormal side. I think some people throw these out to just friends all the time and that's okay. I'm just, I withhold him a little bit more. You're a little more prickly. Yeah. I had this like friend and I had like a friend breakup with her and it was a long time of this. And yeah. Like I want to speak carefully about this because it was.

all rooted in kindness, of course, and a need to connect. But, like, I said to you, like, she's just really on my dick every second about, like, I love you so much, baby, and you mean so much to me. But then she would start kind of, like, getting on me about, like, you know, I don't hear from you as much. I could be on tour, and we would have, like, five shows, and she would be like, you know, it's important to me that my people check in with me very much. And I would be like, everybody else seems to understand that I'm working, that I'm away. And, like, they're not going to hear from, like, my parents understand. Yeah. And, you know, I got to the point where I was like, I don't know that you're enjoying this friendship and what I'm able to give you.

I mean, yeah, and it's not classic love bombing because it was years into the friendship or something. Like, you know her for a long time. Like love bombing feels like early stages, but it was a form of it, I guess. It's like, well, I don't know what another word I would use for it. But to me, it's like, I think she felt the friendship slipping away at the same time that you were like getting a little more. You know, I don't use the word famous about us, but like we started the podcast and shit. But, you know, like, you were starting to get bigger. We were starting our podcast.

You know, those two things. Like, I think she wanted to be in your orbit even more. Meanwhile, she felt a separation and she just really overcorrected. And, like, I felt for her because she just is a sweet person, but, like, she was on your dick. Like, crazy. Also, but she wasn't a long time good friend of mine. Oh. She was somebody that I knew existed for a long time.

Okay. Yeah. Not a long time good friends. The keeping on of like, it's important to me that my people check in with me. I just, I think that like people experiences these people. And I was trying to think like, what's the advice I can give? It's like a good takeaway because like I'll say it a hundred times. The intention is so positive, but you're like the amount of compliments and the gestures are too much.

And it really just caused me to like back off. And like you can set boundaries by like not responding as much or inviting them to things or only inviting them to things in a group. And like that still didn't seem to work that she would like get the social cue. Yeah, she didn't like pick up on like the hints that you were dropping. Yeah. And I did finally have to say to her like I don't put it back on her. Like I don't think you enjoy this friendship. I don't think that you enjoy like what I'm offering you.

And unfortunately, just because you see me in a certain way, doesn't mean that I see our friendship in a certain way. And if somebody reaches out to me and says like, I need you, I'll make every effort to do that. But like if I don't see you as that close of a friend, I can't like pretend that I do, I guess. Yeah, and at the same time, I have felt, and I've said this before, that even with my close friends, like I may have not been the best long-distance friend, you know, maybe over the last year, because a lot of the time I spend communicating with on the phone or on FaceTime is with my partner because we're in a long-distance relationship. And I think when he eventually moves here, it'll feel different.

I think I might have some more time to spend talking to my mom or talking to Kelly or Louisa or whoever, but I've made a point this year to, like, check in with these people more and talk to them more. and, you know, talked to my mom more on the phone. Like, we more like we used to. And even yesterday said, like, again, message Louisa and asked about her trip. And, like, can we, let's talk this weekend about it and just talk about your trip you just took. You know, I want to be a better friend. And I've always considered myself a really good friend.

But when we are touring and running these businesses and I'm also managing a long-ins relationship or whatever else we got going on, like, it can be really hard. And they also understand this. But it's, I mean, when you move away, like, you and I really haven't had to work on long-distance relationships like this before. Like even Melanie said to me, like, once, like, I feel like, since you moved L.A., I don't really, like, hear from you as much. And, like, that's not because I don't want to talk to my, like, best friend who I love.

I just, you just kind of forget because it stops being easy, like, day to day, you're in front of them as much. Yeah. When Corey or, like, my mom even, like, say, they don't say this to make me feel bad. They just sometimes say, like, I heard about this on the podcast. And, like, I don't love that. I don't, I really don't like it for my mom. And I really want to be better about it.

And my mom talked to my grandma. every single Sunday for an hour my whole life. And it's just like, I think that is important. I don't want my mom to hear about big things on our podcast. Yeah. So anyway, good luck out there, you guys. Yeah. Go ahead and kill it in 2020. At the end of the day, just find a partner and that's your best friend and only person you need. I hate this. It's all you need in life. Can you imagine? I had a nightmare the other day that you decided not do the podcast with me anymore and you were going to just like be with him on tour and you were like finally we got rid of her. Stop, Braina!

That's what happened we don't talk for a day. You start to spiral. Never happen again. It was reason I had that nightmare that you were just like, finally we get to be alone on tour. I tore with him. You tore with him.

No, listen, I'm touring solo this year, but you come to everybody, every thing you want to. Raina's my opener. We're competing tours. I take Tessa and Ryan. I'm like, that's my team. You can have our tour manager, Alex,

and sparklyze as your team. Oh my God. We will share into Russell R. Are you guys? No, she's serious? No, I'm getting. No, I'll be at all your life show. Signing vibrators.

When I toured before, Rayno was in the audience signing vibrators. I was like, look at her go. Oh, that was so fun. It was me and my brother came. It was so cute. Chicago. Yeah. I got it booked.

So exciting. I'll be there. Okay, guys. Girls Gottoeat eat.com. Girls got eat.com. There's merchandise in there. There's episodes. No tour tickets, but one day.

Girl's Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is Raina. Greenberg. Vibes only to get our amazing elite vibrators. And subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend. And we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys.

Bye.