Girls Gotta Eat - Getting Engaged, Getting Off, and Getting Into Fights feat. Matthew Broussard

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

We loved chatting and laughing with comedian Matthew Broussard about proposals, orgasms, fights in a relationship, and more. He shares his unconventional engagement story and lets us into his relationship with his fiancé, including why vibrators are a must in the bedroom. We also talk about masturbating stigma, the complexity of the female orgasm, and whether guys fake orgasms. And we answer the question "Who starts more fights in the relationship – men or women?" and analyze some listener emails about blowjobs to completion, and why one woman's boyfriend won't let her post him on social media. Before Matthew joins us, we catch up on our trip to Austin, Ashley being deep in wedding planning, and Rayna going hard in her dating era. Enjoy! Follow Matthew on Instagram @mondaypunday and watch his special Hyperbolic. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com Skims: Check out SKIMS best intimates including the Fits Everybody Collection and more at https://www.skims.com/gge #skimspartner Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at https://nutrafol.com with code GGE10. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Helix: Get 20% off at https://helixsleep.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months since you got engaged. Yes, it is true. No. This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to their episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Oh, I didn't even know that's what that was. And you think I would because I used to get... Do you talk about this every year? That's the drunken day of my life growing up. I would like lose my car. Oh, my God. My life.

I mean, I'll one up you. I used to report mine stolen. No. I definitely was not driving on St. Patrick's Day. That's for sure. Even with all my my past history, that was a day we got blackout. That was the day that my parents would pick me up from the parade in Pittsburgh downtown. Yeah, we would go to a parade and my parents every year were to pick me up like a small child. I'd be in college. They'd have to pick me up. I think I've talked about this before, but we had these parties in Atlanta. They were at Park Tavern. Like, they would be a couple different ones. But this was like the start of the social season in Atlanta. Like this was literally like we're all coming out. were debutanteing blacked out. And one was called Lucky Fest. And then I forget the other one. And then I worked for this company that through these parties.

And I renamed our festival one year. And I called it Leprecon. And that was one of my claims to fame. And they kept the name forever. They might still do it. You were wordsmith. Yes. Leprecon.

The memories are just so. You have memories from it? I barely do. Just the excitement. You know, like that was. Green bagels in the morning. Did you guys do that? You just.

live in such a Jewish area like I did again. We always had a green bagel. You would like get up, do your pre-gaming and then just go get drunk in the streets, like on a parade. You're asking me? Yeah. So we would get up early. We'd make breakfast to like 8 a.m.

My friend Anthony's and then like 20 people would come over. And we would get like shit-faced hammered to you couldn't even like exist anymore. And then we would take a bus downtown like all these like blacked out kids. And then we would go to the parade and there was like so many people to parade. And then my parents, I would be so drunk with like, we would go to Permanati brothers and eat. And they would have to come down town and pick me up. It's so funny. You're like, mom and dad, come pick me up.

I feel like 20 years old, just like fall down drunk. Dad, I'm drunk. Come pick me up. I mean, it's just funny those holidays, like, Cinco de Mayo too. Like, I would like take off work for it. I'd be like, obviously I'm taking off today. Like, obviously this is cultural for me. I need to get drunk.

Yeah, me too. Raina Greenberg. And I still will love to have a marga on Cinco de Mayo. But I haven't celebrated St. St. Patrick's Day in so many years. And this really is one of those things. just age out of. It's like the way that we go back to Dewey Beach, like things are just different now. And it's okay. And that's life. And you're supposed to grow up. And we're not going to be getting blackout

drunk on St. Patrick's day at late 30s or 40s, you know. But it's just funny when you look back. You're like, God, it used to be the biggest deal. It was the best day. We talked about it for weeks. We planned outfits for weeks. We had like custom merch. Oh, we get so lit. I miss it. Listen, it's important to just look back and say I lived. Yeah. I was supposed to be that funny. All right. Well, let's see. Thanks to Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at RocketMoney.com slash GGE and Skims. Shop Skims' Best Intimates Collection at skims.com and in stores.

And thank you to Nutraful. Get $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping at Nutraful.com with code GGE. And thank you to Helix. Get 20% off at Helixleep.com slash GGE. And Addie. Learn more at Adi.com. So we're back from Austin, Texas. It's the first trip we've taken together since December. It's my first flight of the year. That's so crazy. I have not flown until this trip since when I came back from Delaware to L.A. post Christmas on like December 27th.

So you and I, I mean, the way that we've built our lives is like I don't know that we were ever in town for more than like 10 days not going into a flight. Like I'm having, I told you, they're like a bit of an identity crisis where I'm like, my life is not like land, try to nest a little bit in your house, time to go back on the road again. So it's a really different pace of life for me. This was really the longest it's been since I've been on a plane because obviously with touring, but even when we weren't touring last year, the first half of the year, and since mid-20203, I've been in a long-distance relationship. So, like, I was never three weeks without getting on a plane. So this was like a little over two months that I didn't fly.

I was like, oh my God, like, how do I pack? Like, how do I get to the airport? Like, it was just, it'd been so long. I was really confused at the airport. I was like, I don't know how to do this anymore. And we survived it. Our time together? Our flights.

Of the flights. We survived it. I will say I flew there in seat 26A next to one of the biggest men I've seen on a plane. Huge dude. Like my brother's size. Like had to be 6, 5, 6, 6,000, 300 pounds, whatever. I was just squished against. I'm giving him a space.

I want to preface this by saying I feel for big dudes on planes. Big people. These seats are so small. me, my poor brother, like, he really doesn't like to travel because it's so uncomfortable for him. Like, I really feel for any, I mean, I'm, my, my legs are touching the seat. I know. My brother and I cannot relate to you less. Yeah.

So, like, I feel, I see like a big person on a plane. I'm like, oh, God, they're going to be so uncomfortable. I know. So I always just try. I'm like, he can have the armrest. You know, I'm like huddled up against the window. When he got off the plane, I didn't even realize all he had with him. I was walking behind him on the jetway.

He had a sweat towel and two phones. I'll post it on, on YouTube. The whole time, I didn't realize when he got up, I'm like, oh, he didn't grab anything. I'm walking behind him as we're exiting the plane. He had like a towel probably because big guys get hot. Two phones. Towel and two phones. What are he doing?

What was that guy doing? And then the way back, I flew in a middle seat. And I'm in the middle seat. I'm like, it's okay. It's been a minute since I've been the middle seat. I'm doing it. I don't know how people end up there. In the back, in a middle seat, whatever.

And the guy comes in, he sits by the aisle. I'm like, okay, he's fine. he's fine. Then a guy even bigger than guy number one comes in. This guy to be 6-8, 350, huge dude, still wearing his lanyard. I'm sorry, that's a dork move to still be wearing your lanyard from the festival. You woke up and you put it on to go to the airport. To go the airport. But like a cute guy, like whatever. And I'm like, he's going to be uncomfortable. So I'm staying there. I'm like, it's okay. Neither of these guys smell bad. You know, no one's coughing except for me. And I was like, it's fine. It's fine. I'm going to survive it.

And then as soon as we took off, that guy put his window shade up. I'm like, God, damn it. You can't be Lord of the Window Shade. Not my finest flights. It was, I mean, it was really hard to get these flights. So we were going to South by, and so was everybody else in L.A. And there's a finite amount of direct flights from L.A. to Austin. And there wasn't one person that was on that plane that wasn't going.

We ran into so many, like, fun people in podcasting. We saw Emily Morris, who's been on the show a lot. And it just was, like, really fun. We saw the lady gang girls. It really was fun. Like, we're in line. we see Emily Morris and then this girl named Mal who has a podcast, her and her partner. It's called Made It Out. We love them. We met her at the Biden event last year. And then we got

on the plane and Jack and Kelty from Lady Gang are like sitting there. Like it was just a funny flight. It was nice to be a part of it. Yeah. And we had a really good weekend. It was fun. We did have a good weekend. We did a lot of things. We like ran around and went to some panels and some events and parties and saw a lot of people, saw some former guests. Hugged on Esther Perel, Saskatcha Calloway. I don't know how to talk. I'd really at a time.

Yeah, it was fun. Eight tacos. So we love Austin. We saw a lot of listeners just like on the streets, like at the hotel. And it was like fun to run into you guys. We haven't been to Austin for a while. Maybe we'll come back. But yeah.

No notes. We have a fun week ahead with your mom. Yeah. So I just, I want to give a couple wedding planning updates. I have my date set. It is going to be November 1st like I wanted. I just feel really happy.

I feel like I put that out in the world. I said it on the podcast. I really wanted to get married on 1-1-1 and have a Halloween party the night before and we're really doing it. I'm really excited for the outfits. Yeah, I know. We're going to do some cultural stuff,

so excited for all the fashion. And then speaking to that, my mom is flying in as we record that she will have just been here to go wedding dress shopping this weekend. Can you believe you're going to go wedding dress thing? No, no. I can't.

I can't talk about it too much. I feel like I'm going to be such a mess. Yeah. It's like it's this really just wonderful special thing and I think you're doing it right including all these people and it's just it's going to be this like really wonderful once in a lifetime moment. Yeah. So my mom comes in and we have like a whole fun weekend plan and stuff stuff with her and you'll be around and I'm going to take her to do some fun stuff she wants to do. She wants to go to this bookstore and we're going to go to this like great restaurant downtown

before that and everything. But yeah, I have like one appointment Friday, one appointment Saturday. And I think that's fine. I'm going to find, I'll probably find one Friday. Like I'm probably, you know me. I'm like, it's a, it's a, first one. I swear to God, just watch it be the first one. It's just weirdly how my life is always like, oh, it's the first one, that's the one. And you're always like, don't you want it. I'm like, no, I don't want to. With Tessa, one person, I was like, we're hiring her.

You're like, do you want to interview other people? I'm like, no, I don't. I don't want to. We found her. Yeah, Tessa, I did vote to interview other people. Not because you weren't great. I just, I don't like to accept a first offer. I'm trying to think of other. This happens to me a lot where I'm just like, it's the, oh, the venue, the venue where I'm getting married. It was the first one that came through on a proposal and I was like that's a one.

Our agent at WME, a partner at WME, first email we ever got from an agent. We were like, that's our one. That's our guy. That's just, that's been our only guy. Yeah. So I'm just big on like, it's, why I look further? You know, why confuse yourself?

But so, yes, we're going, you're going to hopefully come to both appointments, one on Friday. Hopefully, what else am I doing? I don't know. Actually, I'm so busy. I have a brunch. I get come.

And then a couple other friends as well. But I just think it's going to be really emotional. And I just keep kind of thinking about these moments and like what a wedding dress means. You know, like it's varying degrees of importance. But it does feel special to me and to pick it out. And then I think about the moment like when my dad and my brother will walk in like when I'm all ready. And like I just, how do you like keep it together? Like I don't know.

This is like a real concern. Like my eyes are just going to be all red. I'm going to be like crying. My mascara. Like something about that moment. Like you've been with the girls all day. and then just something about your dad walks in and Matt and just, you know, maybe like Jay will be with him. And I'm just going to like lose my fucking mind.

I don't know what you're going to lose their mind. I don't know what you're supposed to do. I have no idea. Like I watch like Love is Blind even or any show with those type of scenes. And I think about how that's going to be my reality in a few months. And I'm just like, I'm going to be a disaster. I mean, you need eye drops. You need the makeup artist.

Just on call. Yeah. Just ready to like clean you up. Because you know Matt's going to get a. I know. Like when Matt sheds a tear, it's over for everybody. I can't even look at Matt. How am I supposed to marry you, Ashley? I don't know. You don't understand. Like, I think about this speech and like, how the fuck am I going to do it? I'm going to have to run it so many times so that I'm numb to it. Yeah. But like, I would like want to be in the moment and really feel it.

I know. But, well, that's the thing. Like, I can shut it down. Like, I'm not saying I'm like some cold hard bitch. I can, I can turn it off. Like, I can be like. I can be like. I can Keep it together. Well, right, I've never got married before. But in general, but I don't want to. I want to feel the things. But how do you feel the things without, like, crying or your makeup off? Honestly, I think you should.

And I think we'll get some great photos. We'll meme them. No, if anybody has tips, I'd like to hear them. Yeah. Because I'm going to lose my shit on the altar. We were at this thing at South by Southwest. And Kara Swisher, who is an incredible, like, journalist and now podcaster, she hosts a podcast with Scott Galloway.

she was like hosting this little thing and she's so small and she came out and set up a little step stool and I was like that's me rain at my wedding. Totally. You thought that? Yeah. She's like my size.

She's my size. I'm not kidding. I need a stool. You are going to stand on a stool. I will look ridiculous in the photos if I'm not. And I want like, okay, let's get me a stool, but let's put like some draping on top of the stool. So it doesn't look like a stool.

Like I want like some white draping on top of it. Okay, we'll talk about today. And we were talking about what my outfits were going to be. Like, I'm going to marry you in one outfit and, like, go to the party in another outfit. Like, I have so much to think about you guys for this wedding. Well, so I'm going over there right after this. I'm going over to the venue meeting with my wedding planner who, her name's Jacqueline. I'm obsessed with her.

The wedding plan and company is her company. I mentioned them before. You guys can check them out. But this is going to feel real. I'm going to feel like a real bride today. I know. Like going to the venue, like with the planner, just me and her making decisions. Every time you tell me a decision you made that you didn't include me.

And I'm like, you did that without me? You were telling me about, like, you and other Ashley, like, working on some photography stuff. And I was like, was I not CCed on these emails? It's so weird for me that you, like, have conversations with Ashley without me and, like, with venues without me. And I'm just like, oh, these are conversations happening, like, behind my back. It's funny that there are some, like, work things where I'm like, you know,

Ashley's going to have to help with the drum line and all that. The strovers reached out. They were like, we're... Leon message me. He was like, you said, you know, you were joking about having strippers. Are you ready? Are you doing? But we're ready.

Like a dancing down the aisles with the strippers. I think that's an amazing idea. Yeah, I'm like, I'm down. Like, let's just fucking blow it out. You know. I can't wait. So it just starts you seeing me on the event. Okay, perfect.

And I felt the same way when I was like renovating my house where I was like making all these decisions. And I was on emails with like, Ashley was like working on this partnership for me and our business managers dealing with payments. And like, I'm making all these decisions without you. And it felt like a little weird. Like, who. Who let me do this?

I know. This does feel weird. Like, you know, we always joke about this. Like, you just, sometimes you still feel like a kid. Like, I still feel like, what business do I have planning a wedding? Like, you know, like buying a house. Like, you're just like, oh, I'm a real adult. Who let me do this?

Like, I have to put down a deposit. I picked paint colored. Like, I have to pay for this? I know. I picked an island for my kitchen. Like, did you ever feel like you're like, wait, I have to buy this? That's why I, yeah, the check I wrote for my rent of. They just sent me a payment link.

I'm like, what? I just, I felt it. What a weird decision to not make my parents pay for us. I said it to my dad. I'm like, can you cover this one? Every time I wrote a check for this stupid renovation, I was just like, why do I not have a husband or a dad that's paying for this? I'm just out here.

They were like final payments doable. I was like, by who? Oh, I have to pay. I have to pay this house. Like, my parents is they don't, they're not going to cover this. I'm like, who let me in here and let me make? these decisions and now I have to pay for the decisions I shouldn't have been allowed to make. It's so fun. And like my mom, she wants to pay for my dress, but I don't know. It depends on how

much it is. Like there is going to be a point where it's going to be like, all right, like, I don't know her top level budget. She's just going to like wink at you and be like, I knew you'd get this. No, I'm going to have like, I'm going to hold her to it. Okay. Have you guys discussed the budget? No, let's just see how it goes. Well, I'm really, I'm very, very excited. This is like the first really, really tangible, like week of like wedding stuff. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll come to the tastings and we'll talk.

I'm not doing taste. I mean, you're not going to taste the food? Well, I'm sure it's fine. Let me take care of this for you. What do you mean? I know where we're getting married. They do great food. You have to use their food.

I was like, I'm sure they got it. I can't believe this. I don't even know what I'm here. I don't know. Like, what am I going to say? This is bad now. Isn't there an option of like eight things and you try them to pick which of those things you want?

Yeah. But it's just like, this isn't like a boat cruise for my birth. day where you pick stuff off of a list at your wedding. You've got to go try it. What are you talking about? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I'm just like, I'm sure it's fine. What? I can't get over this. I don't know. Like, you don't want to go get yourself like a free meal and hang out. I don't think wedding food is ever that great. You know, I have to go with them where I'm getting married. They do the food. They do a great job and that's what they're going to do the food. You're just going to pick stuff off a list and you hope for the best. That sounds good. We're so

different. All right. That sounds fine. Tess and I will go. And I just want to do state. stations. Yeah, what's going to be on the stations? Yeah, just whatever. Actually, I should just let my fiancee. This can be his thing. Him and I will go to the tasting. Okay, you guys will go. That's how we bond together. It's still their affair starts. I'll do. I have to like sit down with each of you to plan what I'm going to say to marry you guys and have to ask you to like a series of questions. And so maybe I'll ask him his series of questions over the wedding tasting. Okay, perfect. That's how you ensure that we don't start our fair. If you guys go to a tasting together, I feel like the planners would be like, so what actually is happening here? It's a little weird. No, it's fine. We'll figure it out. I'll figure it as we'll get together. Tess and I go.

It's the last thing I care about is the food. I just, I can't relate. But I know to your point, there's one vendor. They do this every week. You trust them. Like, this is why I would not necessarily encourage people to get like a not turnkey venue.

Like, you want people to do this all the time every week. They're a machine. And it's not that I don't care about the guest experience. We're paying a shit ton of money for the food and the drinks. Like, it's not that. It's not like, oh, we ordered a couple pizzas.

Right. But it's just like, I'm sure it's going to be fine. Well, it's a wedding venue. So, you know, they're going to do a great job. And I think the chef is really excited. Like, he's, like, excited to do some, like, Indian stuff for Friday. Yeah, we'll work it out. I'll go on. I'll let you know how the Indian food is. Okay. Tell what's going on with you. However much you want to share. That's your call. Also, it's so crazy you're wearing a red hat.

Okay. It's Maroon. Wait, can I tell you, our friend, Lex Nico, who we, like, quote, sometimes, drove past my house, and she immediately sent me a voice in and she was, I had to literally double back because I thought you were wearing a red hat. And I was like, it's maroon. And I actually thought it was like a little too dark for what I was all my way to do. And I changed hats last time. But now I'm on camera. You can see it's maroon.

It really is crazy. Like you can't just like wear a red hat. No, that's crazy. I mean, yeah, I guess you can. It's maroon. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys about neuterful.

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I've been on one. And I've been threatening for years to start dating in a more meaningful, like, serious way. And fuck am I doing it? You really are. I mean, you said you feel like me in 2023, where I said in 2020, like, this is here. I'm going to find a partner. And I started dating my now fiancee in May. And I was on one for those four-ish, four and a half months.

Like, every way I could find someone to date, I was doing it. I was doing the apps. I hired a matchmaker. And then I started to get into like slut mode. And I was like, we're going on the road and I'm fucking turbo slut. Like, and I got off the pill and I just felt so, you know, like happy and horny. And, you know, and then I met, I met my man. And I just had this feeling you were going to feel like that.

Like I told you, I was like, if you really feel like you do want to find somebody before this milestone birthday you have coming up, which is how I felt, I was like, you might start to feel a little panicked. I was like, you got to get a little panicked. you said you got to get scared. You got to get a little scared. You got to feel a real fire under you. And like let that lead you. Let that light the way. It's just when you are in the zone. I mean, it's just a body emotion stays in motion. And like when you're just in it, you're really in it. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of time to like kickstart your mojo or feel like you want to be bothered. I mean,

you and I've been on tour for seven years. It's hard for me to say like what came first, the chicken or the egg. But like I haven't had a time to date. So I haven't a time to date. So I haven't but like do I use touring as an excuse to not have to be vulnerable people? You know, who's to say? Like, have I used our schedule as a way to not have a partner and not feel bad about it? You know, and I've had all these long-distance relationships for all these years or people that are too young for me or don't make sense to me. And it's because I really haven't had the time and the energy, like, dating is a lot.

It's a full-time job. Going on dating apps, talking to people, getting to the date, doing a matchmaker or a therapist or a dating coach, whatever you want to do. Like that's a lot of time and energy and I haven't really had that. And so this is the first time in so many years I've even had that time for myself. And I'm like doing all of it. Like I'm having a great time on dating apps. I'm meeting guys in person.

I have a matchmaker who's fantastic and also a therapist who I'm just, what I'm really getting out of it is just really looking at myself and what I'm doing on dates and how I'm approaching other people and how I can be better and different and looking at the relationships around me that I really respect and, hold on a pedestal and thinking, you know, how can I emulate that behavior? And it's just, once you get going, there's just a vibe about you. Well, yeah. And it's like it radiates from you.

It's also just an inner confidence too. You know, like that's the whole thing. Like it's sometimes you just have to get started. Not that you just started dating, you know, at this point in your life. But something totally did get like triggered. And I can just tell you just seem really happy. you just seem really confident and like that comes across. And you said you've been like using that trick from Shan to like look at somebody like you

you were thinking about fucking them. So Shan, Jan was on our show a couple weeks ago and she said that like when you want to kind of like get someone's attention, get in the zone, you actually just start thinking about fucking them. And you, I feel it in my face.

I feel my lips flush. I feel my pupils dilate. Like I can feel it in my body. And yeah. I think that, you know, people always say like a pear and a spary. She did a bunch of people at once.

And that is really hard to do, I will say, because you forget things that somebody said, or you're juggling between text messages between people. And, you know, I'm certainly not making any promises to anybody that I'm exclusive with them, nor am I asking them what their dating life is like. They're trying to lock you down. People are trying to exclusive with you. I think that that's the energy I'm giving off. And it's allowing it all to feel a little bit lighter.

Like if a date gets canceled, that's okay because you another one. And also, like, it's nice to do this in tandem with, I mean, whether you're doing it with a therapist, or a dating coach, whatever, and just talking to somebody and downloading, like, how I'm behaving and how I'm experiencing things. Like, I'm really liking this therapist, essentially, that I'm working with who's a matchmaker. And just, I've been talking to her a lot about,

like, making another person feel needed. And she said, you know, something that comes up a lot with her, she said high net worth clients that are females that are really busy and high functioning and a little older, is that, like, you struggle to make a partner feel needed because, number one, you probably don't actually, quote, unquote, need anybody, especially somebody to me, I don't need your sperm.

I don't want to have kids. I don't need your money. I don't necessarily need your advice on anything. I think I'm really smart. I'm surrounded by great people. But like people want to feel like you need them. People don't want to feel disposable. Men really need to feel like you need them.

And it's for me finding a balance of like, I don't want to be inauthentic and pretend that I need something that I don't. But I want to make somebody feel like their advice is really valuable to me, that I'm really excited to hear their insights on how to do things and how I could do it better. even if I think I'm really good at something, just like giving somebody else their flowers of like, you did a great job rather than approaching it of like,

well, normally I would do this myself, but like I allowed you to do this, you know? And I've found that really helpful. And I talked a lot about you and my other best friend, Melanie, and just like how you guys show up in your relationships with your partners and make them feel needed. And I'm finding it a really useful exercise to do them in tandem. Hot take, go to therapy while you're dating.

But like, I don't want to like talk about dating hypothetically. I want to be like, these are the things that happened. and these are how I'm acting and behaving. Yeah, I love that. I mean, I don't know if you felt like any sort of hesitancy to, like, turn the mirror back on yourself. Like, okay, what could it be that I could be, like, doing wrong? But I think when you really do want to find somebody, that's, like, an important thing.

I mean, when I worked with a matchmaker, too, I was like, I just want to be completely honest with her. I want her to, like, hold me accountable, you know, and I was on the verge of talking to a therapist too to be like, what could I be missing? I'm open to feedback. You know, like I'd like to know, is there something like I'm putting out there that I could be doing differently? And we had a friend that had a therapist in New York that she really credits with making it work with her now husband. They have two children. And part of it was too, like making him full needed. I always think about that. We went on this trip. And she kind of explained what had been going on with her and

her therapist. And I always took note of that. But it's just important to be like, I got to be missing something. Like, I don't know. I'm not saying everybody has like some issue they don't know about, but like what's the harm? I think there's like certainly a lid for every pot. And I think that like we talked about this before, like people that are in relationships, they haven't done all the work and I'm so broken and people that are single are so broken. But yes, I have been single for quite some time. And there are things I could just work on in general with another person. And I think that there is a hesitancy to be vulnerable. And I've again used touring to use that as an excuse to not have to be like that. And the other piece of advice that I was telling you that she gave me

that I thought was really helpful is, you know, you and I have always told people build a life you're proud of and you'll be fine without a partner. And I do believe those things. I think that you should be solid on your own. But she was asked me what's important to me in a partner. I said, you know, at the end of the day, I just want somebody to like walk in the door and I want to be so excited to hear about what they did. And I want to know their thoughts on what they did. And I want to be excited to tell them what I did. And I just want to be like amped to like cook dinner with you and hear your thoughts on the world. And you know, I've been talking about people that are curious. like I said that I that's really important to me and she said you know I I hear you saying this and she said what would it be like to like think that you could have this and I was like well I'll be fine either way and that's good that's important to think those things and she said well what if you did this exercise at night where you just like close your eyes and you imagine standing outside of your house looking in the window and saying to have these things not it's fine if I don't have these things not it's fine if I don't have these saying like it's fine if I don't get it's fine if I don't get it's out there and this is what I require and I really want this and I can have this don't sell yourself to like it's fine if I don't get it.

this. And she's like, of course she'll be fine if you don't get this. And we always preach that to our listeners. But like it has helped me to reframe dating in the last couple weeks also of like, it's not no big deal to me if I don't hear from somebody or if it doesn't work out. Like I really want to be intentional about this and have intentional conversations. And I've like pushed myself to really talk about things that are vulnerable with somebody and not keep it so light and silly and just interview them and not offer information about myself. I just, it's helped me a lot to just reframe this whole thing, becoming a whole different person, you guys. I really love that. And we talked about this, you know, privately. I told you how I felt in

23 when I felt like it was really my main goal to find a partner. And that's what I wanted to dedicate my time and energy to when I felt ready and I made the space for it. And I really feel like I manifested it. And of course I would have been fine. Like, of course I would have been like if I didn't find him and I turned 40 single, I ended the year single. If I'm still single today. I'd be fine, you know, but I wasn't really willing to be like, but it'll be fine if I don't. I wasn't thinking like that. I was like, oh, I will. This really has to happen or it's going to feel bad. Like, honestly, like, yes, I'll survive it. Like, like everything else we survive in our lives, but I will be really upset. This is what I want. I want it now. I want to do my best to try to

get it. And I'll be really bummed if I don't. So I don't really want to think about that. I don't really want to think about the alternative. I want to think about like, no, no, no, let's cross that bridge when we get to it. I want to make this happen. And it's a good way to approach things if you really want. I mean, that's what we would do with any job is failure is not an option. You know, we didn't start this podcast with like, maybe it'll take off. Maybe it won't.

We were like, it will. And I will take every step possible to make sure it will. And it isn't like a, if it doesn't, no big deal. I mean, yeah, I would have survived. You and I would have found another way to make money and another business. but like I don't want to be like, it's fine if it doesn't. And there's not an option. It's like a very funny way to put it.

That's how I felt. Yeah. Like if no one asked me, well, Ashley, what if you don't find somebody, you know, in the next six months? Like I wasn't like, failure is not an option. But like, that's kind of how I felt. I would have been like, I don't know. I don't want to talk to you about that right now.

I'll live. I'll be pissed. I'll be living pissed. I mean, I just, I love that. note. They're like, stop protecting your future self. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

Yeah, of course, you'll be fine. We will all survive it. Why not just think like, uh, failure's an option? That's the thing that like broke me. We talked for an hour and I like really got super emotional because like I've never let myself even think like it's just not an option to not do this. And of course it's an option and of course I'll be fine. But like it's the same thing with manifesting like when people are like you put this out into

the world. Like to make it a little less woo-woo. Just say to yourself like I will have this. will take every step to go get it. And it's allowed me to just like kind of keep pushing and keep my confidence up. And I've met some really great, cool, smart, hot people. And I'm going to continue to do that. Yeah. Not make any promises to anybody about anything. And, you know, at some point, a winner will emerge. And I've even like, even on field, which is an apt to meet people to have sex with, my profile says I'm looking for a life partner. Totally. And that is how I want people to approach

me too. And we've looked at other people's dating apps a lot and said like what you're putting out here is not that. And so I wanted to be like very clear like, I will fuck you. But also I would like a life partner. And I told you that in advance. Yeah. And I think it's just like you guys know our message is never that you should want somebody or that you need somebody or that you should feel this way. This is just the way that I felt you. you feel now to an extent that like I'm ready and I want it. And before that, I didn't. Not that, not as bad.

Before, before I really decided, I was like, this is fine. I don't, I don't, I'm not claiming to really want to be in a relationship. I'm not really putting that much effort. We're doing other stuff and that's fine. And I'll make that decision when I feel like it. Yeah. I mean, I've just, I feel like when I'm looking at these guys or meeting guys like somebody who doesn't live in LA, that's a turn off to me.

A certain age is a turn off. to me. Like, I mean, I know you're in a long distance relationship and I'll make one work if I have to. But like I want to be, it's helping me to be more intentional about who I say yes to, you know. So that's good. She's killing it, you guys. I really am out here. She's out here. Stay tuned. Well, we have a really fun interview for you guys today with Matthew Broussard. So we will get into that. But before that, I'm just going to tell you about Helix. Oh my gosh. We were just traveling you guys in no shade to the hotel. But obviously they did not have helix mattresses. So I was just tossing and turning. It was like, I cannot wait to be

back at home in my helix bed. You guys know these are the mattresses that we have in our homes, in our guest rooms, our families have them. I just can't imagine my life without it. So we just love this brand. I mean, this is something I'd get messages about. I don't know if you get messages. Like, do you really love it? It's like, yeah, I wouldn't sit up here and lie. We don't do that. I certainly wouldn't lie about the mattress I'm sleeping on. I have so many house guests and people just like rave about my mattress pads, my pillows, and the mattress itself. Yeah. So you guys can go to their site and you'll take this little quiz and they will match you to

your perfect mattress. Everybody I've known that's taken the quiz and then has asked me questions like, do you think this is the right match? I also interview them and I tell them that, yes, that's the right match. And then that's the one that they order and that's the one that they love. So I have a king, midnight locks. I'm obsessed with it. I have a moonlight lux in my guest room.

My best friend and her husband have the dusk luxe that they love. They want a little bit firmer mattress. So you're going to answer questions regarding if you sleep on your front, your back, your side, if you roll around, if you sleep hot. And again, all those things are going to help you address those issues. They have their standard mattresses. They have the lux mattresses. I do have the midnight lux.

They have the elite mattresses that are even better. And this is just going to improve your sleep and really help you be so comfortable. And honestly, get excited to get into bed at night, which is something I've never felt until really I got a helix. So you can go to helix sleep.com slash gGE for 20% of it. off site wide. That's helixsleep.com slash GGEE for 20% off site wide helixsleep.com slash GGE. And you guys know that we've been raving about skims bras and underwear since we got them. I have so much fit. Actually, this guy, I opened up my underwear tour the other day and he was like, he was so much underwear. And I was like, it's scams. Yeah. So the underwear I have on now,

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It's really comfy. And I use their pajamas. It's just, it's all soft and comfy. They have tons of sizes and tons of colors. So you guys can check them all out. But the Underwire bras really have made a comeback in the world and on my body. So guys, you can check it out. Shop Skim's Best Intimates,

including the fits everybody collection. at skims.com and skims stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you, select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu the follows. Okay, Raina, let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you lost your libido? My sex drive. Is that like a serious question?

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All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome a brand new guest today. He's a New York City comedian. You've seen him literally everywhere. The Tonight Show, MTV, Comedy Central, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, the League, the Mindy Project. His unbelievably funny special Hyperbolic is out now. Please welcome to the show, Matthew Bursar. Hey, thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you very much for watching the special as well. I really appreciate that. Thanks for being here. We loved it. Yeah. We both watched it last night. Just, you know, procrastinated until the night before.

But still, 48 minutes of attention is a crazy thing. I will tell you. To ask from someone. So thank you. It flew by. I appreciate that. It's so good. Thank you.

Like we just want to hype you and we already did this in private. But for our audience that it's just so tight, so polished, so funny, just flows perfectly. You really run the gamut. You talk about being Jewish a lot. You talk about your mom. We talk about your fiancee and how you can't make her come. We are going to get to it. That's like the, I was just on another podcast.

Like, let's talk about how you can't make your fiancee come. I'm like, that's the takeaway. All right. It's great. We'll get to it because I have like so many thoughts. but we have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months since you got engaged, which it came up on my feed and you collabed it with Laura, your fiancé.

It is true. No! She proposed to you. She proposed to you. No, she did. Yes, that was a real thing. Everyone took it as a bit. My friend this morning was like, that's a bit.

And I was like, that's not a bit. How great did her ass look in that picture, by the way? She looked amazing. This is so funny. So there's a picture of her proposing you on the beach and we can put up on the screen. But I think she posted a comment or she, something, because I follow her too, and she's wonderful. It was like, Laura, you have an absolute dump truck.

And then she wrote, why do you think I posted this photo? Her ass looks so good. Pixar mom ass. Yeah, she's a great ass. You guys both look great, but she's down on one knee, and everybody thought it was a job. Yeah. Also, I'm sorry, but like, I do take pride. And if you just looked at me and didn't know anything about me, you'd be like,

I bet that guy has an attractive wife who has, No ass. I'm like, no, no, no. I actually have, yeah, I think she has a, yeah. Where do you want the story to start? At the beginning. I do talk about it on the road. If one comes to me live, I actually have a lot more about it.

But it started with, the truth is she had actually said years ago there was something she wanted to do. She had made it known early that she wanted to propose to me. And at one point, she kind of hinted that she had bought a ring already. But we've been together eight years. I know that sounds obvious, but we've been together eight years. And then the tone kind of changed into someone's going to happen, making some jokes about it, talking about it, talking about it.

just went to Indley. He didn't propose. Okay. She's also a comedian, by the way. She's also a comedian. Yes. We'll get back to it. I felt it was now time for me to maybe start planning to do it. Like she had maybe changed her mind and then Thailand happened and I just, I didn't see it coming. We were heading out for dinner and I was, I threw on some like shorts and a t-shirt. She was like, wear a nicer shirt. I'm like, is she about to propose? Get your nails done, Matthew. And I go, okay, can I wear shorts? She was like, wear jeans. I'm like, you're suffocating me. Why can't I make any decisions? You're too controlling. She was like, just

shut up and do it. And we went out for dinner and then she brought a tripod. She was like, let's take a nice picture and she puts the tripod down and I'm, you know, 10 meters away, kind of a long walk and she just stands there with the tripod. And he goes, let's take the picture. She goes, let's wait for the beach to clear out. So we can get a nice picture. Did you have an idea?

No idea. Every woman knows at this point. Well, it's not difficult to be expected to propose to. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like if you were a woman, you would have been like, oh, I've been knowing since the shorts conversation. Yes, I had no idea. We waited like 10 minutes for the beach to clear out, and then she hits what I think is the timer button for a picture,

and she walks up to me and then just big, googly eyes and stares at me, and I go, hurry the fuck up. It's a 10-second timer. I don't want to have to do this all over again. And then she proposed it. It was a very magical moment. And then she drops to one knee. It was a video.

It turned out. Okay, and she has the box, and she bought you a ring? Like, did she buy herself? She bought herself a ring. She did? Okay, so that was my question. Her ring was in the box? Uh-huh.

For herself. She bought herself a ring. It's still a. Can we call Laura? We should have had you two together. Have her on the pod. Yeah, we will. Her side of it, yeah.

Why did, because she's richer than you. But you talk about it a lot. She made good money. I don't talk about this part much. I did end up proposing back to her just as like a celebrity couple. Yeah. Is that what lesbians do? I think sometimes.

And you bought yourself a ring in that case? I bought her another ring that is, I would say, tastefully, between like a band and a ring, and that it has a diamond, so it could pass as like a formal ring you propose with, but it's also one you could kind of casually wear and doesn't snag on things. Okay.

In between. So we've got to circle back to her saying, I always wanted to propose to someone. Just as a child, she was like, one day I want to, like, do you know where that comes from? I mean, she's obviously super confident, like, alpha woman, would you say? I mean, she's an athlete. She was almost the Olympics.

I mean, why, you know. Where does this come from? Yeah. She's a surprising person. She was a professional athlete. She's a very driven type A person. She has some masculine qualities in terms of things we typically ascribe towards men, very bullheaded, very self-confident in a lot of ways,

and likes to do things herself, likes to take charge of things. I think the athlete background might be part of it. She also thought it was just, fun and different to do it that way. Totally. And subversive to patriarchal norms. Okay. Okay.

So she's kind of a dominant personality. You may say she has like masculine traits, but you're not giving like feminine traits. Like you seem like a confident masculine guy. Like I'm just, you don't see yourself like that. I don't see myself like that way. How do you see yourself?

I'm emotional. I'm my, I'm emotional. I'm vulnerable. I'm not afraid like afraid to express emotions. I communicate. And our relationship, and I'm sure in every relationship,

some of the feminine masculine dynamics are reversed. I know the whole notion of women talk, talk, talk, and men are very quiet. We're very much the opposite. I'm just chaty, chaty, chaddy, chaddy, chaddy. And I have to work to get her to express her feelings on things. And that might just be Jew versus German there. It is very Jewish.

Yeah. Well, I don't think that expressing emotions means not masculine. I guess I just, you come across, like, you're just confident and secure, and, you know, that's more of what I mean. That's nice to hear. Yeah. Yeah. No beta energy.

It's because he's tall. Yeah, that's because you're tall and good looking. That's what it is. Yeah. You know, you do comedy. That takes a lot of confidence too. So I just, you know, I like the dynamic you guys seem to have going on. I think it's good having loose definitions of what masculinity means.

Totally. Yeah. And I'd like to think that there are, I don't want to sound like Justin Baldoni or something, but I'm like, I think there are feminine traits that men should aim to possess. Totally. That are good for everyone. And sometimes be, I think the greatest strength is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and knowing your weaknesses and knowing you're not the toughest person.

I think that is a more complete form of myself. Thanks for saying all that. Totally. I love hearing somebody say that. Watching your special is really interesting because you talk about your fiancé making more money than you. And it's just, it's like, fun to listen to. It's not in a way where I'm like watching this guy where I'm like, he was just looking for a sugar mama, this guy who just like found some like alpha lady.

He's so beta. I just, it feels equal playing field the way you talk about. I don't describe it. I didn't look at some guy and think, like, poor him. I thought the way he speaks about it is that he's proud of her. He's impressed by her. He's not emasculated by this behavior either. And you're better comedy, you say. It's the one. I laughed so, I mean, and then I started coughing, but like when you said, like, when you saw her do comedy, I forget the line. I got to finally see her do comedy. And not only is she really good. She's also not as good as me. It's perfect. Don't quit our day job.

Yeah. Which I try to, a lot. I like. I think comedy's better from the perspective of what are my shortcomings. You have to give yourself a win every now and then, or it gets a little boring just to break up the rhythm. And that was kind of one of the few wins I gave myself in that arc. What was that like? What's that her starting? So you guys have been together eight years. She was not in the comedy world.

You were when she met you? Right. She was a pro athlete when we met. It was not making more money. She was making kind of a small amount of money at that point. So her making more money is kind of a recent rise. She was a pro athlete living in Texas, training for her last Olympic trials. Swimmer, by the way.

Swimmer, yes. And was at that point doing improv. Actually, did improv class in Austin. But never really gotten to stand up because of the schedule does not work with, you know, 5.45 a.m. Practices. Right. You got to pick one. Mm-hmm.

So we moved. She quit swimming, moved to New York, got a big boy job, and then took her a little while to finally get started in 2019. She started doing it. But you're a disgraced financial analyst? I used to work in finance. Okay. Which is very on the nose, I'm sure. In Houston, I had a job as a, like, low-level job just doing spreadsheets for private wealth management and got fired.

I pulled this from, like, a comedy website. But, okay, so she decides she wants to get into comedy. Like, was that a weird conversation for you guys? She had always expressed it since we started dating. I at least wanted to try it once. That was, like, from our first date. And I wanted her to do it. Like, she's my favorite person.

Comedy is my favorite thing. I thought it would be a great union. And it has been really good. She's not crazy, so it works out well. It is hard when anyone starts something that is as taxing as stand-up comedy. There's just so much rejection and so many highs and lows. So sometimes we both have to go through things and we both suffer when one of us is suffering. So that's the downside.

But she's very funny. She really understands how much work it takes and is very disciplined about it and is very passionate about it. And now we go on the road together and we do a show together. For the first year of it, I thought I would have to kind of hide details so that they didn't know as her. and now I just go straight out after her. Totally. And say, here's my side of things, you know. I love that dynamic.

Wow. You guys are a fun comedy couple. So, yeah, it's a fun show, yeah. Yeah. And you can't make her come. And I can't make her come. Wow. So when you just said that in your special, I was like, where's the rest of the sentence?

Like, I didn't know if it was going to be like, I can't make her come during missionary. When she's been drinking. Yeah. People take that line to mean specific. I mean, flat out, whatever you want to imagine. No. So, yeah. And this is, okay, not to be defensive.

I try not to be defensive, but like, this is the case for a lot of women where it takes. We're going to back you up. Okay. Well, actually, I own a sexual wellness brand. It's called Vives Only. You guys should shop it. But, yeah, there's all kinds of emotional and physical reasons why women can't reach orgasm through penetrative sex. And they need external stimulation on their clitoris.

They have pelvic floor issues. After having babies, they have issues with just the strengthening of the muscles. And plenty of women cannot reach orgasm during sex. And yours specifically. Oral? Can you make her come during oral? Oh, no. Listen, I am not one who backs down from a challenge.

I'm not the kind of guy who's like, yeah, I'm not going to try any harder than that. You've tried. I've tried. It's not my first rodeo. I've tried. And I don't, the thing is with man, the tough part from a man's perspective is like, maybe I've never done it. I don't know. I don't know because you can't ever expect the truth of it from everyone.

You can't see it. You know, a little bit different from when guys come. No pudding for which the proof is in. I wish she was here to talk to her about this, but there's plenty of people that like orgasm doesn't have to be the goal. Like I can have an enjoyable sexual experience and not have an orgasm. Like if I've been drinking, I've had one and a half drinks. It's like really hard for me to like climax.

Yes. And so, but I still like enjoy the sexual experience. I'm not like, don't touch me. I'm not going to come. Right. And she is coming. Mm-hmm. The way you talk about is very funny.

Yeah. I heard, we've both heard metaphors through the years of bringing a vibrator into the bedroom from a man standpoint. Like, this is your sous chef, whatever you want to say. And I think, did you say, like, using a calculator on a test? Yeah. That's very funny. And that's like the Ti-83. Yeah.

Did you guys start that early on with the sex toys? Yes, my idea within like a month, I think. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. Just because I had done with the previous partner. It was post-breakup sex. Ever had post-breakup sex?

Yeah. We were like, let's just do whatever. Totally. Let's get weird. We pulled out of a sonic hair. That was the genesis of that idea. Oh, my God. You just have nothing left to lose.

You just hate this person. You're not getting back together. They can do whatever they want to your body. Because it doesn't matter. A befoulement, if you will. Yeah. Wait, really, a sonic hair? A sonica.

What does that mean? The handle end, right? Not the brush. The toothbrush. No. This was a long time ago before you forget about the openness of vibrators that we have now and the destigmatization that has occurred with sex toys in the past 15 years. I mean, we're still working on it.

Not all men feel super comfortable, especially with something that's very phallic looking, coming into the bedroom. I think people can feel threatened like, why am I not enough? But that's just not really the case. And plenty of women have just trouble reaching orgasm, need external stimulation. Right. You know, that's pretty normal. That was probably the very first, like, halfway decent joke I ever wrote was about a sonicare. In 2013, I was just telling you I started stand up in Atlanta.

You're from there and something about masturbating with the sonicare. And like, the punchline was like, that's not what a sonicare is for. I was like, I'm Chappelle. Neck massager, yeah. Do you think that was like the original vibrator for like so many people? I think so. Probably. Yes.

Toothrashes. Yeah. Because there's no reason it needs to be that thickness. Holy. And that like lawnmower level. Yeah. I discovered masturbation really young. Like, at an age where, like, there weren't...

No? That's a funny question. Chat rooms. Interesting. Just probably like AOL chat rooms back in the day and like... Fingers? Two fingers kind of thing, or... What do you mean?

Oh. He's asking how you masturbate. Oh, how did I masturbate? Just with my fingers. Like, I wasn't like rubbing up against couches. I never discovered that, unfortunately. I feel like a lot of people discovered, like, rubbing up against, like, couch and the hot tub.

I know hot tub was for some people. And then some women really can only masturbate. with a vibrator, the hands is not going to take it all the way. Yeah. I only started acoustic like a couple years back. And I was like so impressed with myself. You, you downgraded? You went, you de-technology. Yes.

Yes, exactly. Wow. I never masturbated as a kid. Like, you know, some kids do. Like Raina did. Jew, Catholic. Are you Catholic? I mean, I grew Christian, yeah.

Do you think that's part of it? Jews have less shame around sex, I think. No shame. I didn't have any shame. No, my parents, Cindy and Lee. I didn't get into it. I don't know. I didn't really know about it.

So I started my masturbation journey with a vibrator, like, post-college. I mean, I just had a bunch of, like, drunk sex in college. I don't know. It seems like masturbation was no shame or stigma, but it was, I don't know. Nobody was really talking about it. I can understand what you're saying. There's still, like, an internal shame, even when there's not external forces for us. Sexuality is a weird thing that can just feel.

take time to like yeah yeah i never talked about it i didn't know that people did that and like it sounds so silly i always joke about it like that we've been like misled by the term fingering because i thought that everybody wanted like fingers inside of them but that i had discovered this like crazy trick where i like touched this button and i had an orgasm and like i didn't think even in college i talked about this into my 20s i didn't talk to me about this and i was like i discovered this thing and there was like a lot of weird shame around it for me because i was like this is not the proper use for this body part or something because there was no information about that for me.

It's the only use for that body part. Cletus is the only organ design specifically for pleasure, yeah. I told you that a couple days ago. Right. And then, but like, I don't know. I'd be curious, like I'm 41. I just would be curious my age group.

Like, women were not talking about this, at least like when I went to college. No. Like in the late 90s, early 2000s. Like, who was talking about this besides sex in the city, truly? Like, I was going to say, Sex in the City, I remember that episode.

We've been re-watching it lately. I re-watch it every couple years. Yeah. But just like how taboo the vibrator episode was. Yeah. And how even like Samantha was like in hushed tones talking about the one you need to buy and like that's like that's so vanilla

now. I know. Right. Like and then I really got into it and I was hosting these pure romance parties which is like a pyramid scheme kind of vibes you know like and I would host them and have these vibrators that I was just like oh this is fine but where we're at today where you can just post your vibrator on

Instagram you love to see it. Like this was something that was like locked away in your drawer really until, I feel like the last seven years, I don't know. I didn't talk about it. I remember I was post-college. I was my early 20s when a girl said to me like, oh, I don't like finger myself. I like rub my clit.

And I was like, you do that? You know about that? I was like, should we rub them together? That's how he became a lesbian. Like it's a secret karate technique? So I was learning about this biology. Like everybody starts off as a woman for like, I think four weeks and the wide chromosome comes in and then a clit will turn into a penis.

But like clits are essentially little penis. So you're just like rubbing your clits up against each other kind of. And it's a friction creates an orgasm. Have you seen the full mapping of the clitoris, which is like relatively new? It looks crazy. It's like a wishbone. It's like a wishbone. Yeah, it looks like the monsters and Starship Trooper, like that weird, like, yeah.

Yes, but it is really special. It is the only organ in anyone's body male or female that's just for pleasure. So are you guys, have you explored a lot of sex toys or you keep it pretty simple? I've tried to buy some stuff. She likes what she, you should reach out to her. and tell her what she should try. Yeah. We send you some stuff.

Because we do, like, we have some that we really like that are designed for couples where the guy can wear it on his finger, essentially. So you're just always like locked and loaded, you know? Or I don't know if you guys were like, you'd grab a big, like, wand out of the bedside drawer. I was just curious what you guys were into.

But you don't also share if it's too. Okay. Yes. I also feel like it's a similar thing to the dynamic in our relationship of like, if I try to pick a restaurant or plan something for us to do on vacation, she's like, oh, that's so nice you did that. Here's what we're actually doing.

That is a dynamic that also goes into the bedroom a little bit. She's like, my body, my choice. He's like, our life, all my choices. Okay, what did the conversation look like in all seriousness? Like, did she say to you like, I have not had an orgasm with you ever? Like, did you start that early that conversation? No. It was a month, so we weren't talking too much.

It's a weird thing to talk about like in the first month. Did you come? Yeah. So I think it was just pretty. pretty early on. I was like, hey, what do you use? Let's do that. And then I think.

But she said I'm not having orgasms. She never said that before. I just, I just suggested that. And then that came into play. And I don't remember the exact conversation where I was like, so without, it became explained to me that without that, it wasn't happening. Okay. Yeah.

And that's not a big deal to me. Yeah. Pretty common. Yeah. It really is. No, I like to talk about it and normalized even more. Yeah. One of my best friends, she said to me, it's been like a, she can't have an orgasm

during sex unless she's using a toy with like direct stimulation. And she was like, it's been a problem in all of my relationships. And she's like, I've tried everything, like pelvic floor strengthening and all the mental stuff that you can do to just de-stress and be in the moment. She's like, it's just that's how my body works. I think it's pretty normal. You said something earlier, but you don't need to come for it to be good sex. Nine years into a relationship, you kind of do.

Okay. You know what I mean? We're like, yeah, let's both get what we want out of this. Yeah. We'll like to have a good time sometimes. Because sometimes you've had, like, drugs. Yeah, you're just like, that was a fun night. No one came.

Yeah. But yeah, we all want to come. Yeah. Yeah, I think. If you can. Yeah. I just think women are kind of just naturally we're trained to be a little bit more different.

No, no, what do you want? What do you? It's more about your needs. And I think that can come up in the bedroom as well. And I think with time and comfort, you can be more expressive. Women tend to learn how to be more expressive of what they need, whereas men tend to not check in on the other person as much. Did she fake orgasms or she didn't even bother?

She doesn't seem like the tide. Yeah, I don't think she did. I can't see it. I don't think she did. Do you men fake orgasms? Oh my God, I would die. You can't because there's evidence. Yeah, like you're hunching over the toilet.

Like, babe, did you fake it? Yeah, but like I've had a boyfriend who just like didn't come a lot. It would just be like a little drop. And like, or maybe he just never came. I don't know. But nothing was coming out of me. Hmm. I'm sure guys, fake orgasms.

I had the problem in college of I didn't realize how much drinking because I couldn't finish when I drank. Even like two or three drinks starts to make it, especially with a new partner, especially add condoms in there. There's so much in college where I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn't finish. And then, no,

I don't understand it was just mostly drinking related. And that's a humiliating experience. And I never thought to act like, in terms of like uncomfortable things to act out falsely, that would be really hard. I guess women do it so naturally. That's so funny. Like, what do you do?

It'd be so awful. I'm dying. I want to crawl to myself when I think about men faking, orgasms, but I know it happens. I've wanted to. There's been nice. I'm like, God, anything to it. I'll just be like, I'm good. It's okay. It doesn't mind. I'm all good.

Right. I got one girl who thought I was gay because of that. Yeah, it's just not going to happen. She told people, oh, no, you couldn't finish with me. It's funny that's like unthinkable for a man to do that, but like every woman is fake so many orgasms. And every woman, like, has the idea independently. Like, it's not like you all hear from each other to do that.

I feel like, ooh, how do I make him feel good? I'll just fake it. That's so true. No one told me to. Right? I was just like, how do I get this to end? Uh-huh. You know?

I mean, early, obviously early days, like early 20s, college. Yeah, like, no one was ever like, hey, girl, guess what you should do? Like, you're right, we're born with it. Uh-huh. We just know. Our moms don't tell us. Can you imagine that's because birds and the bees talk? If you want to wrap this up, you first get into doggy style, you start busting out your dirtiest

talk and then you just fake an orgasm. That's the final line of defense. So roll your eyes back. I'm not getting into doggy if I'm not having fun. No? I'm just like, uh-uh. I'm immediately getting into doggy if I'm not having fun. Let's wrap this up.

No, but it starts to hurt my like stomach. Yeah, I can lay down and just like deal with it. But I'm just saying like I will bust out all the stops to make it finish. And the prescription for that is doggy and come talk. Doggy's fastest. Doggy will make a man come fastest plus come talk. That's for me too. Oh, that's fair.

I see what you're saying. Like I want to wrap this shit up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I was listening to a previous episode of yours and you were talking about when women say

I want you to come is like a bit of a wrap it up sign. The rapid up box. Yeah, yeah. Our term is, don't be a hero. That's our little code for it. No need to be a hero. We're not going for a record.

I have this guy recently saying to me, he's like, I'm really into like edging and I was like, oh, I'm not into you edging. I'm all set on that. I need you to. Can you just finish this, please? Well, the fun for men is getting close and then stopping and restarting

because if you do that a couple times. That's edging. But it's what men naturally do. When men masturbate with porn, they're like, close now, let's go back off and find a different picture or a different video. And that's how, and when you finally get there, it's that much better. And when you finally get there, it's that much better. Or I've never heard of a woman doing that.

A woman's like, oh, we're near, let's go straight for it. Well, that's risky. You'll miss it. Like, the moment can pass you by. I feel like orgasms are so fragile. Like, they may or may not happen. Like, even with my fiance, we have great sex. And there's still times where I'm like, I just, it's just not going to happen doing this.

this way right now. Or I fucked up something at the last moment and it's just like, but there's, I don't know, like I know, I'm sure all women can relate to this, of that feeling of like it's coming, it's coming, it's coming,

we lost it. And we just suck just like, hang it up. It is exactly like a sneeze. So that's like playing with fire for a woman to try to like do that. Well, you don't smoke weed. I,

I can do, I can edge like that when I smoke weed. And I can like watch a porn. I can go back. I watch a different porn and I'll kind of like up and down for a while. But I have to be like very high. And that's so, Could you do that with a partner?

I don't think so. I think with a partner, I'm like, Ashley, I'm worried that you're not going to be able to make me come. Like, I've got to grab it when it's going to pass. Yeah, yeah. Like, I know that I'm going to be able to make me come. So I don't worry that, like, I lost the sneeze with me. But like, with a partner, I'm like, you're there. We're getting to the finish line.

What about if, do either of you use toys during sex, during penetrative sex? Yeah. Uh-huh. As a fancy thing or as a regular thing? We use the cock ring. So we sell these two cock rings, the newer one I really am obsessed with, and it vibrates on my clitoris or, you know, the female partner's clitoris, and then it helps the guy stay stronger, longer, helps.

But, I mean, I always felt my partner and I both feel like the cockering's for me, you know. So we use that. We have the vagina. That's our sexual. Yes, that is your sex toy. So, yeah, we use it. But we've used them all. I prefer sex toys performatively.

somebody to watch me with it. I'm very blessed. I can have like vaginal orgasms during sex. I know. Really? Yeah, but we both. Really? Yeah.

It's like 20%? It's like a small number. It's clitoral stimulation that leads to the orgasm. So like penetrative sex. It's just the Mons pubis colliding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I get it from that. But I prefer to do a, put on a show with a vibrator. Cool. I'm going to have a vibrator. Yeah. I just need a lot of foreplay. Like, I just need more and more. I mean, you just get like more.

She loves foreplay. More lubricated, more horny. I mean... I'm 36 and I love going to the gym, but I used to go to the gym and work out for an hour and then I needed like a 10-minute warm-up and now I need like 20 minutes of stretching. And now I want to go to the gym,

it's like 40 minutes of activation and then actually 20 minutes of push-ups. I think it's a similar, maybe a similar thing with foreplay. Totally. I've gotten the feedback that I don't do enough foreplay. I really just want to get right into it. I know.

Some women are like that. I'm ready to go. I'll see a scene in a movie where they just go right into it. I'm like, oh my God, my pussy hurts. just even looking at that. Like, it just feels like, ram dry. Like, there was this, like, tell me lie scene. I was like, I could never rain.

It was like, I thought that was so hot. I was like, I would have needed 20 minutes of, like, boob touching finger stuff, like, anything. Some women are, some women are faster than I'm comfortable with. Some women are just like, now, right now. Come on. Drop what you're doing. I'm like, I'm like, if you feel it going in, I'm like,

that has to hurt for you. That's like kneading dry dough. Like, just going in, you're like, everything's getting caught. No, you look your face. You get like a little bit wet. Yeah, you just spit on your hand and shove it up there. Oh, my, no. I wouldn't be like soaking wet.

Like, not me. Somebody tries to go down on me and I'm like, you don't have to do that. I'm ready to go. Yeah, I'm just going to stare at you and pretend to enjoy this. We could just have sex. I know it's been remarked on, but just the differences from woman to woman. And then that's what's so annoying with women is then as a man when I say something like, oh, I can't make her comment.

And women are like, oh, you must be bad at it. I'm like, you don't know if your body is like hers. You don't know that yours works. You have different controllers. One of you is Nintendo Switch, the other one of you is a PS3. You don't know the difference between women will never experience. I guess lesbians will, but like women just don't understand how different their bodies are from each other in terms of like sexual needs. Absolutely.

I mean, men are all dynamic, but you put enough pressure and stimulation on a dick and you go fast enough. You will pretty much come. Well, that's why we're like give grace to guys because they're just going off with the woman before liked. Yeah. I don't know. I would never, if a guy was doing some crazy stuff to my body that I really didn't like, I'd be like, his ex liked it. That's where he got it from.

He didn't just come up with this, you know, or maybe he saw it in a porn, I guess. But I just think, like, you have to tell guys what you want. Like, I do think we understand that, like, every woman is so different. Because even when we talk to our friends, we'll be like, what, you're into that. You know, like we are all. Years, yeah. Yeah. A lot of different, a lot of variation of butt stuff.

People liking, like, around the rim, inside of it. I don't want anything. I don't want, no, that's just a no-fly zone for me. But guys always want to stick a finger in there, and you're right, they learned it from the last girl. We're just so weird because women don't have prostates. I do find it interesting, but you do have nerve endings, and also the clitoris has like 8,000 nerve endings, and some of them do sort of like reach into almost like your taint area.

Yeah, there's a spot back in there. Okay. Yeah, I like a little pressure on the Bhole. Okay. Yeah, but I don't want penetration. Yeah, and my fiance doesn't, he's not really a butt stuff guy. All, like, touches just to joke around. I let people know.

Women really go for it. My fiance goes for it. Never in sexual situations. Just while we're spooning in bed, just a, uh, I love it. Just like I'm getting slimed at the Nickelodeon. No, like, in the shower, I'm just like, credit card swipe.

She's a little frapp. It's salmon. That's her whole thing. She's like how squirmy I get. Guys have such cute butts. Some do. Some do, yeah. Really hairy ones.

But like, I don't know. Sometimes these guys don't even know what they're working with, you know? They just have like a nice little high and tight. Uh-huh. Have you heard Mateo Lane's joke about like when you see a straight guy with a great ass? What a fucking waste. Totally. The special that the joke about the vibrator, one of the biggest concerns was her parents had never heard that joke.

And her parents might not have that kind of taste and humor about their daughter. And we were supposed to kind of let them know beforehand, but we kind of forgot. and then the special came out on YouTube. And I was like, oh, this is going to be really weird the next time I see them. I did not hear a word. I got one text from her mom that just had an Amazon link

to a very nice product. To a vibrator? No. Her mom? You are kidding. It was a very open-minded and new age response. And I was like, that's pretty funny and cool.

That's iconic. And also, was it the one she uses? Yeah, how does she know about this? I'm not going to speculate about her. Is that her recommendation? Me and your father-in-law uses it. Yes, that's where my mom. My mind went.

Did you buy it? And did you tell her you liked it? Send her back a link to ours. I didn't have the heart to tell her. It's the one we already have. Her and her daughter have the same taste. Like father, like son. Yeah.

Yeah. It's crazy. Do you think her mom introduced her to it? I don't think they talk like that. Wow. I think you guys just both found the one. You said it on the special, which, you know, we're going to send you home with some better ones.

But you guys just chose like a top seller on Amazon. We switched. So the joke. It's dated. We did switch to a new... The joke is about the kind of one of the first ones we used. We are on a better one now, but very open to explore. Great.

We're excited to see. That is a heartwarming story. Yeah? Yes, that's really special. Like, I also am just really laughing, thinking about that conversation had you have had to had it. You're like, listen, so something's going to come up. Listen, at minute 28, throw your laptop in a river.

I can't believe you already had it. That is an insane story. So in the special, you talk about... who starts fights more, the women or the man and heterosexual relationship. The audience didn't really give you much. I don't know if you, I feel like no one wanted to speak up. No, they didn't chime back.

I usually get. Yeah, what do you usually get? I usually get women think men start the fight and men think women start the fight. And every now and then you'll have a woman who thinks women start the fight, but you will never see a man who thinks men start the fight. Okay, so here's my theory. I feel like it's always men's behavior that starts the cause of the fight

and then women start the fight. Well, that's the whole, you made me start the fight. You made me start the fight. Yes, that's my experience, is that nothing has ever really ever been my fault. No, men don't start fights with me. Like, about, like, my behavior. But, like, I'll start fights with you about your behavior. I don't ever think I start the fight.

One time I remember I actually was kind of starting a fight was the day she proposed to me. I remember I was like, no, worry, you don't can do that. She goes, hey, hey, hey, we're not fighting today. I go, what? She goes, we're not going to fight. I was like, you can do that? She's like, it's called gaslighting bitch. And we didn't fight that day

And then two hours later she proposed to me I'm curious if any other couples had that same story Where there was a fight brewing on engagement day And someone was like, whoa, whoa, let's not But it's crazy knowing that she does have the off switch This whole time where she was like, no, I'm just upset now to let it go I'm like, it turns out you can If there's a ring burning a hole in your pocket

Yeah, I have the receipt Just turn the volume down on whatever you're feeling That is really funny Unfortunately I know that you can Yeah, you can't. I have very bad ADD, and I think one of the best parts about having ADD is you don't hold on to emotions that way. Like I have to, so many, we have fights. Our therapist has told us to go take a break, and she'll come back more lit up sometimes, doing it.

Whereas I, once I walk away from the fight and open up the New York Times crossword, I have to remind myself of my previous emotional state. I'm like, oh, yeah, that was what we were. I can really just detach your emotions pretty quickly, unless it's like a major stressor that I'm like, it's like really attached to. Yeah. Fights, it just goes away. I think men maybe have that a little bit.

I feel like the women I know kind of can't let go once they feel wronged. I relate to once I have the conversation, it will marinate with me a little bit for a little, I mean, a day. But then I generally feel like I get the words out of my body and we, you know, I don't need to hold on to it for a long time. Yeah. But if we're a mid-fight and I walk away, I don't know.

Everybody's different. Every fight in arguments been different. I'm different with friends versus my parents versus a romantic partner. What do you think you're like? It's hard to say. I don't know. I don't have a lot of conflicts with my fiancé, but all I did with my ex was fight. So I'm just like, who am I?

You know, it's just kind of... Can I reframe the question a different way? Can fights evaporate and just kind of resolve by cooling down? or does something actually need to be fully addressed and hit head on before the conflict goes away? I think it depends on what it is. Something that I'm a completely different person than I used to be is not having to address something

the second it bothers me with anybody, with a friend, a family member, a partner, like taking a breather, thinking about it, deciding if it's worth saying something, deciding if it's a pattern, deciding if I can let it go, or, you know, also the approach and, like, the tone of bringing it up in the first place.

I mean, I really have come so, far. That's one of the things I'm the most proud of. I mean, I used to not be able to hold back like with anybody. Like the second something's bothering me, it's coming out. And obviously then it's sometimes with anger, the wrong tone. And so I don't know if that answers the question. But I think different question. It's a very interesting one because that's not our issue. We have we have more. We don't address it quickly enough. And then it becomes more of a problem. That's a very interesting thing. Yeah. I mean, I all dress stuff. I don't let it simmer. but like I'm talking like when you have that like I feel like that anger in my gut you know you're like

you cannot react right now this won't go well for anybody so I think just calming down and like getting your head clear before like going to anybody with a grievance more pervasive issues are tougher for me if it's a one-off situation I'm fine to be like I didn't like how you talked to me this one moment I didn't like the the decision you made in this one moment the conversations are harder for me when it's a more pervasive issue it's the you always do you always do you this. I had this idea of you. This is adding to this idea that I've already created in my head that like, I'm just making this up, but like, if I decided that you don't respect my opinion and this is the third example of that, it's really hard for me to let it go and I stew in it and I marinate on it.

And I'm like, how do you tell somebody I don't like how you are? Not I don't like how you did this thing, this one one off thing, but like I don't like the way you are. Those are really tough conversations. That is tough. It's funny you say, we have to ban the words always and never in our conflict. That's good. That's helpful. That's the line. I talked about it in the the, the, the riddler joke, but a very interesting dynamic for fights for me is typically realizing whatever she's saying it's about, trace that back three events. And then that's the real thing of like, oh, is it, is it about this certain guest at the wedding that we're fighting about? Or is it because three weeks ago, I wasn't there for you for a major life event, you know, trace it back to what it really was.

And that's a lot of my side of the fight is figuring out, looking and be like, well, this is very disproportionate reaction to this one infraction. I mean, when I realize it's a big, the pattern behind it, that becomes a little more helpful. Okay, I have a question, because Ashley and neither of us have been over 70 for almost a decade. Like you, has fighting gotten easier, harder? A lot better.

Much, much, much better. Yeah. We had actually like a pretty rocky first two years. We had like obviously a great first like six months. And then a year into our relationship, she was basically ejected out of swimming, you know, not just retired, but failed to a change. achieve her singular goal in this 20-year career. And she was in Austin.

I moved to LA. We moved to New York City together and we're staying, living with three other people in a tiny little bedroom. And she had a brand new job that was very, very stressful, didn't pay enough. So all those stressors. That is a lot. It was a really, we would fight like every other day, like pretty dramatic kind of stuff that like kind of took the, you know, the wind out of our sales.

But we really loved each other. Yeah. And now we just, we can spot a fight. And for, for, there's a funny thing. of when you get better as a couple and when you fight less, when you fight in the first place, you typically blame the fight another person

and what they're doing wrong, but when you are doing better as a couple, you blame the other person on being better. Where she was like, oh, we're fighting less. You've gotten a lot better. It's like, no, you've gotten a lot better. Okay, so what I mean, yeah. So I think she's improved and she thinks I've improved.

All those things you mentioned is a lot, especially, and you talk about this in the special, of like her dreams kind of ending, you know, And so we talk about this a lot of how do you not absorb your partner's mood? Uh-huh. You know, like, and of course your partner should be there to support you and you should be able to talk to them and lean on them. But when they're really going through something that's just, that has something to do with you

and like how does it not affect like the relationship as a whole? And, you know, it's tough. It's, it's really that there's the parenting quote, you're only as happy as your least happy child. Yeah. I think that's in a relationship where like we've had times where, one of us is up and one of us is down. And we have to kind of share in both in a way where, okay, I'm going to let you have your

moment of celebration. I'm going to try to not bring my thing into it. But, you know, maybe in a day or two, we can kind of hopefully shift the focus back on me. We're both comedians, so we can both tend to hog a lot of attention and we need to be more consciences of sharing. But she's very good about sharing the victories. She really is always, she's celebrated everything I've done.

She's been there for every taping I've had. So she's never taken away from my moments even when it wasn't her moment. And I'm trying to do a better job of reciprocating that. That's so huge. I mean, you just kind of have to, not you. Like in a couple, you have to be on the same team. And we didn't really talk about that, but you guys clearly don't seem like you're a competitive couple. But I'm sure there are comedian couples or not even, you could be whatever, athletes, comedians.

You both work in the same financial industry where you're like competitive with your partner. I think that would be a tough dynamic. It could be. Yeah. She is extremely rational about the fact that we started nine years apart. Yeah. So she is very aware of the fact that you shouldn't, nine years in comedy is a long time and a lot can happen in nine years. And she's very aware to not compare herself now to my current self now or even to some other versions.

It's very hard in comedy. It's very hard in the world we live in now to not constantly be trying to measure up your benchmarks against people in your life. whether it's your job or your family or your beach body. But she, luckily coming out of the swimming world, had to kind of learn that the hardest way possible, where your only value as a human being is five digits on a clock. And I would say she's more mature than most people about not letting that competition be your whole value.

That's hard. It's hard to, when you do the same thing as your partner to not see your whole life through the lens of what your partner is, succeeding at and doing better than you have. I mean, you did it for a decade before her. She couldn't possibly have been on your level. You know, so it sounds like she understands that. Yeah.

She understands how long it takes. Yeah. Okay, so we got a little off track, but we love the conversation. But now we want to run some scenarios by you. We ask our audience, we basically want to settle a fight for them. So we ask them to write in something that's happening in their relationship. We have them title it, Am I Wrong? And so we're going to see what you think.

Yeah, we're going to pitch it to you. You want to start with this one? Yeah. Okay. I don't know if this is a fight, but it's very funny. Well, I'd like a man to weigh in on this. Okay. Okay, question.

How often are we giving guys a full blowjob to completion? My boyfriend of five years brought it up to me the other day about how I never just give him a blowjob. But honestly, it's because I never wanted to end there since he'll have already finished. It's not like I never give him head at all. I just start with it. And then we usually move on to other things from there. I told him I would do it if he returned the favor after. And he said, every once in a while, it would be nice to just get a blow job and give nothing.

nothing in return. I pulled my friends and they said not giving full blow jobs to their long-term boyfriends either. Also disclaimer, I'm genuinely never on my period because I have an IUD. There's really no time that I would be out of commission. Let me know if I'm crazy for this. Are we really out here giving free blow jobs? What's the sign? If you're ordering food at like a counter service, not like waiter, it just says tips appreciated but never expected. I love that. That's how we should be viewing blowjobs. Yes.

If it's done for me, wow, that's so nice. But you shouldn't ever have to give me a full blowjob to completion. The period thing is also a big factor in that. Big factor. Because that would be the one reason I would maybe be like, yeah, you know. I love that she brought her IET into it. It's truly a fact, because that's the thing. Yeah, it's Shark Week, you know.

That's an old meme. Also, I like what she said about, like, once I do this, the experience is over for both of us. I mean, it doesn't have to be, by the way. He could go down on you after that, just because he's not having penetrative sex with you. He's a fucking hero. Right. That's pretty noble behavior.

Right. He's going to need a minute. Yeah. Postnut clarity just in your face. And you're like, your turn. I mean, I'm a big fan of the, like, start the sexual experience with a blowjob and then segue into sex. I'm not dying to finish either.

I never finish a blow job. That would be crazy. That's nice, and that's also very appreciated. If that disappeared from a relationship, I could see how the man would feel a little, yeah, not taken care of. And I'm talking like twice a year at most. It's just like, oh, that's nice to you. You didn't have to do that kind of thing.

Yeah, I think she should do this very rarely. Birthdays, Valentine's Day. Well, that's, I mean, yeah. Or after a really good gift or something. Yeah, I think it's something that her partner wants, and I don't fault him the same way. I don't fault a woman who wants to have an orgasm from her partner going down on her. You know, so I don't know what the tone was.

I hope it wasn't like, why don't you blow me to completion? Which I'm like, maybe it's a red flag in the relationship. but like now that she knows, this doesn't have to be an all the time thing. But yeah, I think this could be like a twice of year thing. Yeah, unless he says nothing in return.

Like, everything's in return. Yeah. Everything's in exchange for something else. Right. Earn it. Right. Did I come home and you did the dishes

and the fridge was stocked? You cook dinner. The tour play? Yeah. But to her question, how often are we giving guys full blow jobs to completion? Never.

Almost never. I mean, I think we got kind of tricked on that like when we were younger, like thinking you were supposed to do that. Do you spit or swallow? It was always just like, oh my God, I have to do this and decide if I'm going to spit or swallow. We were kind of sold that narrative

and I don't think a lot of women are doing that that much. I think it is more of a foreplay thing. I think blowjobs are for girls in college who don't want to have sex with a guy yet. Or when you're on your period. I have in the past, like, yeah, I've had like a great night out and I want to have fun. I'm not going to like have sex necessarily

I guess with a brand new partner on my period. I like to suck a little dick. Foreplay. I'm second dick for foreplay always. I'm not completing it. Interestingly, Jewish summer camp, a lot of the other counselors were like Israelis. They're working for the summer. And we learned that amongst the Israelis, they found,

the women said, oh, a blowjob, that's a very intimate thing you do with a long-term partner, not someone you just met. Sex was less intimate. I agree. I agree. I always said that, blow jobs are her boyfriends. I'm going to stick your dick in my mouth. Like, whatever's happening down here are way less intimate. You know, if we're kind of...

In some cultures, in some parts of... America. It's the other way, though. Totally. Yeah. I think, I just always felt like that. We hear both. Girls being like, I didn't know how sex, so I just sucked his dick. And I'm like, what? Right. This is like your, this is your, this is your, this is your, this is your, this is your like, for me, that's the top of like I'm sucking your dick.

Like, I'll have sex with you way before I'll suck your dick. I didn't want to rinse. So I just bought a home. So true. It is, it's, it's, the perception is interesting. I also want to know how long they've been together. Because if that's in the first year. Five years.

Five years. Oh, yeah. That's, that's when. blowjob moves into very much novelty status after five years. Not everybody likes giving blow jobs. Also, like, I mean, if she doesn't enjoy it. I enjoy it, I think it's fun. It's physically a lot of work.

It's, listen, it's just, it's not for everybody. It is for Raina. It's fun for me. I would rather that than have somebody go down on me. It's just, isn't it? That's a crazy statement. You don't like people going down on you? I don't prefer it.

Like, I don't care about it at all. And if somebody's good at it, that's fine. But, like, I don't need it on the menu ever. It's weird if you don't want to do it. Yes. So... Huge red flag. Yes.

Huh. It's guys that don't eat pussy. Do you not? I do. I do. It's very fun, but not every woman wants it. That's okay. Sometimes it's happening because the man wants it.

And the woman's like, sure, fine. So there's that dynamic of guys who are too into it. That's me. Nikki does a bit about that where she's like the guys that, that want to do it too much. You're like, not you. The guys are like, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it all night. And you're like, you're not the one I want to be doing it.

They're too eager. So funny. I'm fine as he somebody performatively does it for like four minutes. And I'm like, we could just stop this. You could just get to the main course. I learned too much about sex from hip hop and thought it was like the most important thing ever from like Missy Elliott songs and like Lil' Kim lyrics. I thought it was like a thing every man had to be versed in it.

It was on the menu every night. Eating pussy? Yeah. Okay. What about American Pie? Was that part of your upbringing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that horrible sex education we got from men who would never talk to women

wrote whole screenplays and dialogues. Also, just a personal beef. I believe Missy Elliott has her sexuality. I don't know what her status is, but it's something that has been questioned. And I'm a little resentful that she may be lesbian and wrote a song called One Minute Man that put performance anxiety in the brains of so many young men about their sexual stamina, that that is not nearly the factor that you think it would be.

Premature ejaculation is not like, it happens. It does. And also, I don't need penetrative sex. I mean, I've never checked a clock. We talk about this, but like, I don't know, eight minutes of straight penetration, that's enough for me. That's, yeah. But these are all the lies we were sold. Yeah.

But, like, finishing a blowjum, spit or swallow, like huge giant foot long. Or like a giant dick that physically can't fit. Yeah. Yeah, he fucked me for hours. I'm sorry. What? Are you okay? Bad sex.

He went down on me for hours. 20 minutes is bad sex. It means someone's having trouble doing something. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. If he was down on you for hours, what? That sounds disgusting.

He'd be raw. First time I did it, it was four, I did it for 45 minutes because I didn't know when to stop. Yeah, it was my first handoff. And she didn't know when to stop me. This sounds like she hasn't recovered since. Poor girl. Poor poor, poor pussy. She's still wiping it up.

Okay. Let's give you the buckets. Do you want to do social media posting or mom stuff? Social media. Okay. Wait, who's mom? I'm not reading that. Is it like my mom letter?

Laura's mom wrote in. Okay. She sent her five-rader picks and she sent an email submission. Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years as of January. For background, he is a military veteran, not the obnoxious kind, and the only child. He's been private his entire life, only 300 Instagram followers and hasn't posted since 2018. But me, I thrive off of social media.

I run a lifestyle blog. travel. Most of my friends are long distance because of my job, so they keep up with me through social media. I have been able to post him once, and you can only see the back of his head. He says he doesn't want his face out there yet. He already gave blood, fingerprints, and everything else to the freaking government. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm hiding my relationship. The kicker is that he says, I can post him when we get engaged. How does that make sense? So please settle this for me, my anxiety and honestly him because it's moving toward being a deal breaker as shallow as that sounds is he trying to hide our relationship is he really just being private should this become a non-negotiable

and by the way five years together and he but he hasn't posted since 2018 both of those things are important to me rock in a hard place there I think social media is very important partners need to feel like they're being valued to a broad audience whether it's to your like friend group or on on social media if that's what they want from you I think that's a reasonable ask, but if he has some trauma to resolve around being publicly posted in any way, that's also tough. Yeah, I mean, this is new in terms of he doesn't want to be posted. I thought it was going to be, like, when we get these emails, it's more like, he won't post me. And we always ask, like, does he post at all? You know, like, you can't expect someone to, like, change their whole behavior

or if there's been a person who, again, like, hasn't posted in seven years. So, like, does it align with their current behavior, but I don't know. She should get to the bottom of it. I mean, we have a friend who her boyfriend has a job that he doesn't want to be out there. Like he is a super professional career path, and she doesn't post him, and that's what he, I don't know if it has anything to do with that. Like, the engagement thing is interesting. So there is a time at which he's saying, you will be allowed, but not until that time.

to me that that would be actually more bothersome that you've set this like goalpost somewhere and I don't get to post you until that. Yeah. I guess, I mean, she's saying he feels like he gave everything to the government, his fingerprints, his blood, so like he doesn't want his face out there. It's just, I actually think that that's an irrelevant argument.

She was like, you'll give all your info to the government, but not, that doesn't, it's a weird little, it's an argument. No offense, no offense, got it. But she says she runs a blog, most of her, like, I think he doesn't want to be a part. of the internet stuff. Which is reasonable. Yeah.

Which is a reasonable thing of like every day I pick up my phone. I'm like I would love to just throw this into the ocean and not feel more detached from this horrid, shallow world. What I would like to see from him is so she wants to post him? That's what she wants. So she can share. She wants to. And she's saying like is this like is he trying to hide our relationship and is this a non-negotiable? And Ashley and I always acknowledge like social media is people's lens into your life.

It's reasonable that you feel a certain way about this. It's your Christmas card. I think it's very important. And you want a partner who is showing you off to the world in some way. Yeah. What I don't see from him is what is his compromise? No, but here's what I'll do instead. That would at least show some like willingness to play

and that it's not necessarily him, you know, stiff arming some publicity of them as a couple. But like, is he asking for what else can we do instead? What are other ways we can share our relationship with the world? if it's just to our friend group. But I'm like, if everything else in their relationship is great, then I would let this go. I mean, I would have a conversation with them coming from like a really kind, gentle place. And like, hey, I really love you and I'm proud of you and I want to show you off.

And, you know, I do this blog and Instagram. But is there, can we just kind of chat about like what your reservations are? Like, have they actually sat down and had the conversation or has it always been kind of like a heated argument? I would try that because you should understand what your partner's got going on in the first place. And then if everything else is great and he treats you really well, like, I might just let it go and be like, okay, well, once we get engaged, we're going to these engagement photos, and he's going to feel fine about it then, our wedding photos, whatever.

I don't know. Like, I wouldn't throw the relationship away over this, is what I'm, if everything else is good. I guess I wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Like your Instagram storing and you guys are together. I mean, five years, you probably live together maybe, but you're certainly in each other's lives, holidays, birthdays, things like that. Is he running away from the frame as he can in the room? Like, is he like, don't get me in here.

She said the only thing she's allowed to post is the back of his head. Like, is he making conscious efforts to not even be in an Instagram story? And then is there other stuff going on? Like, to your point, I'm with you. Like, you should be able to post your partner on social media. So is he secretive about other stuff? Are there other, like, red flags? Like, I think I need a whole relationship assessment.

I mean, half of social media is, oh, that person's attractive, but they single? And then looking through their pictures. Like, that's a big use of it. I would say this guy maybe needs to go to therapy and let's keep him away from, like, RFK and he just seems prone to conspiracies. I'm like, could be anti-backs. Like that whole, like, I don't trust the whole system. Keep me out of it.

Like, that can be a little spiral of its own if you let those people stay in isolation. Yeah. There are people that just don't want to be involved in social media. Like my brother has not, when he was in college, his football coaches were like, we don't want you guys to have like certain types of Instagram accounts. It looks bad. And so he just stopped posting and never has again. But his wife has always posted him.

He's never run away from a photo. Like, they go to concerts, they do fun stuff together, they go to weddings together, and she's always been allowed to post him. I'm just saying, like, I understand people being like, I don't really want a huge footprint on the internet of myself. But like, what's, I guess I need to hear from him. What's the harm of like, you guys are at a wedding together.

You both look beautiful. What's the harm of like that photo being posted? Yeah. He's trying to cheat. He's set up an easy way for himself to do it. Is the, you know. There's that. So I think all of us, you know, we just,

we validate that this sucks. I don't know that it's a non-negotiable. You have to decide what non-negotiables are for you. Okay. Well, thanks for talking through the emails with us and everything and coming on. Thank you. You're really so great. We want to have your fiancé.

Yeah, we should have Laura. Yes, you should. Laura, come on in. We come in for your now. And people can see you. I mean, you're at the comedy seller in New York City. Where can people like see you, find you, find your special, everything? Oh, yeah.

My special is on YouTube hyperbolic. You can find me on all the social media platforms at Monday Punday. Just in general, if you're looking at my clips online, that's just a trailer for my Santa. Please give the long-form stuff a try on YouTube. And I think you'll, you know, I think our intentions and spends are all getting shorter. You listen to this whole episode. So, you know, listen to, you know, something a little more than just one minute at a time would be really cool. I would really appreciate that.

Ashley and I love it. It's fantastic. We can't recommend it enough. Yes, you guys watch a special, follow him, watch the clips, do all the things. And you can find us at Girls Got to Eat.com. Girls Got E Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Ash Hess.com.

Raina.org on social media. Vivesonly.com. Get all the vibrators. Are about to send you home with a plethora. Subscribe and YouTube, share this episode with a friend. And we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.