Girls Gotta Eat - Girl Code

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

Can I date someone my friend dated? Should I care that my friends still talk to my ex? If I catch a guy cheating on his girlfriend, do I tell? We're answering these questions and more on our GIRL CODE episode. We're also sharing our own girl code experiences (spoiler alert: they're sex related), giving some Netflix and spank bank recommendations, and introducing a new feel-good segment where we may or may not cry again. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast and check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Postmates: Download the app and use code GGE for $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days. BetaBrand: Go to betabrand.com/gge for 20% off your Dress Pant Yoga Pants. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy comforter, go to buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. BioClarity: Get 40% off skincare routines + 15% off everything at Bioclarity.com when you use code GGE at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's say one in particular. I kind of was flirting with, but then he just started flirting more with you. And I'm like, go for it. I don't fucking care. He still DMs both of us all the time. He does not get it. Do you not think we share all these screenshots? Hey, guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. I'm really excited. It's sunny out. It's beautiful. It's just us today. It's just us today, guys. Okay.

Okay. What an exciting day. I'm having the best day. We released, I know you guys are listening to this a little in advance, but we released all of our show tickets this week. Atlantic City, oh my, I'm going to look so slutty. Atlantic City. Okay, I don't know if this is going to resonate with you.

When I talk about Atlantic City, I want to say, Atlantic City, baby, and I realize where it came from. It's from friends, and Phoebe's pregnant, and she's mad because they didn't bring her to London. And so they're like, we need to do something special with her. And they're like, we'll do a picnic in Central Park. and she's like Central Park, what the fuck? And then they're like, okay, fine, we'll take you to Atlantic City.

And they're, have you seen this episode? You're not a big friend's person. I'm not a friend's person. I feel like I don't get the friends. I just have a bad memory and I haven't watched it in like 10 years. Well, they're walking out the door to go to Atlantic City. And Phoebe is just, I know you don't like Phoebe too,

but. Hate her. She's like, Atlantic City, baby. And like, all excited. And she's like, woo, woo, and they all high five and then her water breaks. And they never make it to Atlantic City. But I think of Atlantic City

and also I think of Sexness City. Atlantic City where they're like the oldest people there. And they get all dressed up. Well, we're going to get dressed up and you guys should come and get dressed up. Also, isn't it such a good feeling when like you can't remember where like a saying came from and you finally get it? It's like the best. Yes.

Okay. Well, on that note, last week I said blush and bashful. And I actually, you can't even imagine how many DMs. The amount of DMs telling us that it's from steel magnolius. Guys, here's the thing. If either of us say something and we can't recall what it's from, we can Google it. If we care. If we don't care, we don't go.

So, I mean, you guys are so amazing. I love you so much. But honestly, if I'm like, oh, this is from a movie and I can't remember, we don't need you to DM. Hundreds. Hundreds of DMs. The only piece of being a dick about this is because it was literally hundreds of DMs. Like, that's from Stio Magnoli's.

It's like, could have Googled it. And you don't know if you started those DMs with, I'm sure hundreds of other people are you told, yes, yes. If you have to start a DM with, I'm sure so many other people have said this. Yep. Don't send it. Don't send it. Don't send it.

Tell your mom. You're right. You are right. You are right. You are right. Congratulations. You're all very smart. Okay. So Atlantic City is on sale. Atlantic City, baby. Also, Denver, Salt Lake City, Phoenix.

We have some tickets left in Seattle and Portland. You have things you want to say about Seattle and Portland. A couple things. They're going to be lit. The shows are going to be so insane. What we just booked for Seattle, I'm like, I cried this morning. I got the email back that we were able to book. I'm not going to give you guys. You know, keep it a surprise, but I did cry. And Portland, I'm working on two. Portland's going to be so sick.

Portland still has tickets left. Seattle, it may be sold out, but if there are just single tickets left, there were this morning. You guys, don't be scared to sit alone. I mean, come alone if you want, you'll make new friends, or if you and your group just can't sit together.

It's fine. We're all friends. Everybody's going to be a girl's got to eat fan. Don't be scared of those single tickets. Like, we have people come to our shows. They leave with like a new best friend. So I know that's kind of like intimidating, but it doesn't matter.

We're going to be like partying on a fucking Saturday night. So scoop up. those single tickets is no big deal. Yeah, I've got to shows by myself. I go to comedy shows by myself. I don't fucking care. For sure. And then we promise Toronto and Montreal is happening this summer. We promise we're just locking down a date and we will have that for you guys. And Minneapolis and all those other places. Okay. We're on it. You guys. You got to trust us on this. We like our like our heads have been rolling. Let's just say. Especially for Toronto. Our agents really hate us. But we're coming. Okay. So I'm really excited.

because we have this amazing episode about friendship today, and we have a couple, I have some funny, like, friendship stories. But before we start, I need to give a disclaimer on my voice. If it sounds bad, I got kind of sick. My superior immune system failed me. But I know I said, I didn't get really sick. I only get really sick every eight years. But the last time I did get sick was three years ago.

So it was the first time in three years. You're slipping. Yes. Yeah, we had to cancel a recording yesterday. We've never had to cancel recording for you being sick. you were sick all last year. Well, because I'm amazing. Like, I'll fight through pretty much anything. Because you get sick more. When I get sick, it's over. Forget it. Every three years, I'm down and out. You're right. I'm sick pretty much all the time. So you push through.

I just drank through. You do. But I mean, yeah, I got, I was, I woke. I felt it coming on Friday night. Saturday. I was down for the count. Also, uh, Netflix, binge recommendation, dead to me, obsessed. Oh, really? This is on Netflix, Christina Applegate. I told you, I watched this entire series all eight hours. Um, or however long it was all 10 episodes. Can I recommend it enough? Loved it. Also, I binged Love, which is a Jedd-A-Petel show on Netflix.

I think it's a third season. So, like, I'm not telling anything new, but I think it's fantastic. I just started watching that. And also the new, is it Knocked Down the House? Knock Down the House. Documentary on Netflix. For me to be as stuffed up as I was,

and then to watch that, I mean, imagine the snot. It was buckets of snot. Knockdown House is about Alexandria, Ocasio, Cortez, and three other women that were running for Congress. And it follows them. It follows her more closely because she won. But it's incredible.

I could have watched three more hours. Look at my knees. I have chills. Just hearing about it. So that's Netflix too. These are all Netflix. Yeah. So those are some recommendations.

Netflix and resist, bitches. What's resist? Like resist. The patriarchy. Oh. Rain is so stupid. Ashley Chivine in your call. She's so stupid.

I feel like you thought it was something second. You're like, resist. I thought it was like a new workout plan. That sounds non-consensate. Sounds like a nice exercise. Ooh, I exercised yesterday. I walked six miles yesterday. It was really a lot for me, guys.

You were just walking, you were walking and stalking. That's the rate of workout plan, walk in stock. You were like, I creeped so hard yesterday. I went and stood outside of my ex-boyfriend's job. Stop! Sort of there anyways. And so I figured, like, why not just stand there for like 10 minutes or something? See, if he comes out.

Oh, my God. I lingered at, there's a couple of places I lingered yesterday. I really creeped yesterday. Greenberg walk in stock. And then I was like, Raina, want you to go up to stock outside the Metball? Because the Metball was last night. And I was like, Ashley, I walked six miles of creeping. I got to go home. I got to go. Also speaking to the Metball, I did some of my best meme work. So you can see it on my Instagram. It's just the best side of my life. I live for Ashley to go to anything in a museum. Well, you prompted me. So the Metball, I mean, the outfits are just so easily memeable. And Raina was like, can you please meme the Metball? And I was like, I'm

and I'm sick. And then I was like, fine. What you wrote about Cardi B and having her period. That dress looked like a period. It looked like a bloody vagina, which great. You know what I mean? Like I hate people period shaming. Cardi B's Metball dress look like a bloody vagina. Good for her. She, did you see how many men that she had with her? She had like 10 people carrying that dress. And at one point she turns on and goes, okay. She keeps like turning around and like yelling something. It was so funny. I love her. I know. Who else was your fave? I loved Kylie and Kendall.

I guess they did come out and say that they were inspired by dumb and dumber. Shock, the too stupidest people ever. I don't know. I don't hate on the Kardashians. I'm so sick of people hating on them. It's so easy and low-hanging fruit. Like entertainment tonight had a beautiful picture of them and their outfits and just all the comments or trolls. I'm like, shut up.

You're so jealous. I mean, I love the Kardashians. I've seen every single I've kept up with them. I've kept up for all the scenes I've seen. Name an episode. I've seen them all. I love, but I still think they're dumb. But like, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Chris is not dumb. I mean, smarter than may, but still, dumb. I don't know. I just think it's like, oh, it's people hate the Kardashians. I'm like, shut the fuck up. What's there to hate it. They're my favorite television show. Hate on someone else. Hate on Lena Dunham. Our first fight. Seriously, I mentioned Ashley, like, pretty early on that I wanted to have Lena Dunham on the show. The barrage of text messages that started pouring into my phone. I was like, it was a lot. It was a lot. It was a lot. I think you were probably wondering if you'd made the right decision to work with me.

Yes. Immediately. I was like, oh my God. And lastly, she gave away her dog. Actually, the paragraphs.

But also, I will say, you are somebody who stays up until 4 o'clock in the morning and goes into like the deep trenches of the internet. So like, you know stuff that I just would never know. I'm just like, I like,

need to have done them. And you're like, let me highlight the 95 articles I've read about her. And you have like an unstoppable memory. You could tell me something in an hour I won't remember. So, like, remember that shit. She gave her a dog. Fuck her forever. But we pulled through that fight and I just

want to say this morning, Ashley gave me a key to her apartment. I did. It was really, and I tried to hug her and it was an awkward moment. She sort of like patted me with two fingers on the back. Okay, but remember that time a couple weeks ago and I tried to hug you and you were like, what are you doing? When we went to France's birthday and we walked home and then I like, we just spent the whole day together and I felt awkward outside of your building and I leaned in for a hug and you were like, what are you doing? I forgot about that. And I was like, I was so drunk. See you later.

Oh, we were wasted. That's probably why. I was totally out of my mind. Oh, my God. We went to Seymores. If you guys were looking for a restaurant in New York City. Okay. We're giving all these recommendations.

Seymours is great. All right. Or if you're looking for a restaurant owner to masturbate to. Oh, my God. Should we Michael Chernow? He is, look, is Michael Chernow has handled? Yeah, Michael Chernow. C-H-E-R-N-O-W.

You got Smoke Show. Just somewhat. You know what, guys, go look at Michael Chernow. and fucking jerk off to him. And you can definitely DM us about that. Like, tell us about your masturbation stories of Michael Chernobyl. Is this allowed? He's so hot.

Yeah, Mikey, see? He's the best. He's also the nicest guy you could ever meet. Don't tell me that. It's not fair. He's married to a model. He loves his wife, yeah. Yeah, he's married to a model, too.

He's the hottest smoke show you'll ever see. So anyways, you're welcome for your Monday morning's bank, bank. Yeah. You know what? I got to go. Okay. Are we talking about anything else? All right, I'm going to tell you this story.

Yeah. Okay, so you want to tell me a story and it's going to intro the topic. Yes, okay. The story, it's twofold on brand for this episode because it is about Atlantic City and it's about Girl Code, which is what the episode is about today. Okay. So I'm going to say this is 2011-ish. I'm sorry.

Just remember you trying to hug me again. I know. Well, that's why I was like, okay, when that happened, I was like, so we don't hug, which is great. I don't need to hug you. I see you all the time. Like if one of us is like crying something bad's happening, yeah, like, we'll throw an arm around you. But like, so today when you came over the hug, it threw me.

You gave me a key to your apartment. It was really nice. On a little lemon key chain. Yeah. I mean, you're on my, um, my building like notification, my dormant know that they can give you a key and let you in any time. Well, why don't you tell them why I don't have a key to your place? Because I tried to get it made and it costs like $45.

Is that funny? I think it's funny that you went to make me a key and then they were like $40. You're like absolutely not. No, under any circumstances. You don't need to be there. $40. I'll make enough money for that. Okay.

All right. 2011, Atlantic City. I'm there with Corey and Lee and Laura, which is my best friend, these are like my best girlfriends. Like, they were all in our Philly show, whatever. Corey's my best friend from childhood. And then Lee and Laura,

Lee is your best friend. I'm obsessed with Lee. I love them all. So you're going to like the story. So we're in Atlantic City. it was a random last minute thing. Lee, I think, was like, hey, these guys have, you know, hotel room, table, bottle service, Atlantic City, whatever. I think we're at the Borgata, whatever, or Cesar's. Let's just pretend it Cesar's. And so that's where our show is.

And so we went, dressed all slutty, went to this club, we're with these guys. I don't remember a ton. Like, obviously got super wasted. And that was really it. And then we had a hotel suite. There was these guys in there, whatever, you know, nothing. I think we had a little after party, whatever went to bed. I actually had to go up, I wake up the next morning and fly back from, this was over the holiday. So I'd have fly back to Atlanta. So fast forward three years. I'm in Naples. Okay. I was visiting a friend of mine. She's married. She has two kids. I mean, Naples is old people for the most part. You know what I mean? My parents went. Right. My parents went there. But my friend Angie lives in Naples and I was going to visit her. They have a beautiful home.

Like it was just a nice little getaway in the winter for me. And I go to visit her. Her husband, babysat. He let us go out and party. We're hammered. We're like, in the downtown, quote unquote, part of Naples, and I, like, see, like, the one hot young guy. And I'm like, you. Like, Angie, like, can recount this for you that I was like, so easy. I was just pointed in, like, you. And so. Like me and Dewey Beach?

Yes, exactly. So we end up, we end up going into this bar, me and this guy, and going to the bathroom and, like, hooking up. Like, we would have had sex for sure. But midway through the, like, makeout, I'm pressed up against the wall. Like, my skirts at my waist. I was like, oh my God, where's my purse? Like in my drunken state, I literally was like,

oh my God, I don't have my things. I don't have my phone. Like it hit me and while literally this guy's about to enter me. You know, yeah. Pre-peditration. I'm like, oh, shit, I don't on my phone. I don't know my stuff. And he goes, what?

And I'm like, I got to get my stuff. And I walk out of the bathroom. He's, I don't know, hard dick, probably pulling his pants up behind me. And my friend Angie's standing there with my purse. Like, bitch, let's go. So we just left. You just left.

And she was like, Ashley, I'm a mom. Let's go. I have your fucking purse. I'm like, okay, so we leave. In this whole time, we had hung out with him for a little while. We, like, had drinks and stuff, and I took, like, a picture of him, and it was very blurry. So I didn't want to, like, out him. So I posted, like, my Facebook album from, you know, because now this is, like, 2014, still on Facebook.

I post my Facebook album of Naples. And this picture, me and this guy, super blurry, drunken picture. And I wrote, like, some funny caption, like, Stranger Danger, something like that. Lee calls me, and she goes, Ash, um, I saw you were in Naples. And with that guy, his name's Mark. And I go, I don't know, probably, whatever. And she was like, that's my ex that brought us to Atlantic City that paid for the hotel and all the stuff. And we all slept in the same hotel room with him.

What? No fucking. Her ex-boyfriend that brought us to Atlantic City. I slept in the same room with him three years prior. How drunk did you used to get? this is amazing. How long were they together? Not though. I mean, they were, they were like not like in love. Like they were, they were together though. They dated. He paid for us all to go to Atlanta. Can you imagine like that someone of your friends just like almost slamming some dude in Florida

in a bathroom that used to date? Yes. And so I was like, shut up. And she's like, I'm telling him. Like she tagged him in the picture. She tagged him on Facebook underneath the photo. And then it just started like a whole thing. I tell Angie, she's like, you got to be fucking kidding me. That's insane. there was one hot young guy in Naples. In Naples. Like of all the places you go. And Lee knew that was him because he moved from, you know, wherever New Jersey,

wherever he lived to Philly to Naples. Crazy. Slept probably 20 feet away from that guy three years prior. I was about to fuck him in the bathroom. I can't believe it. So wild. And Lee, like, if you're going to do that to a friend, it's late because she'll laugh about it.

She laughs about it. Some friends would not be very nice about it. Well, and this is like, we're going to get into this topic today. Like, she wasn't that serious with the guy. It wasn't like her ex-X, you know. I just thought that was so wild. That is so funny. The odds, like, how do these things happen?

You were in a hotel room with that guy. Your friend fucked him. You almost fucked him. I'm sorry. I just love the image of your friends standing outside just waiting for you with your purse, being like, Ashley, I'm a mom. The things are my friends. And I'm like, oh, God.

Thank God. There's my purse. Sorry, dude. Put your boner away. We got to go. You almost slammed it in a Naples bathroom. This is so funny. Okay.

Well, it's a Girl Code episode. I just want to say we asked you guys for submissions for what to talk about today and you are so amazing you submitted hundreds and hundreds of topics. So I just want to knock out a couple of those topics. One of the most asked for was, what do I do if I hate my friend's boyfriend? We did a whole episode about that. It's called What About Their Friends, I think?

Yep. So you can go back and listen to that. And then the other one, like, overwhelmingly that you guys asked about was like friendship breakups, toxic friendships, drifting apart from people. And since there were so many questions about that, we thought we'd do a totally separate episode about it. Yeah. I mean, and again, like at the end of the day, this is a dating podcast, but you guys really want to know about a lot of this friend breakup stuff and stuff like that. So I think we can do it. Yeah, it's still relationship based. Yeah. It's still relationship based. But yeah, I mean, obviously have so much to say on that. And like you guys asked about like long distance friendships and just growing apart in general and all that kind of stuff. So clearly I have a lot to say. Yeah. But today we're going to focus on girl code stuff. So I'm fucking a friend's ex, be friends with a friend's boyfriend.

What else do we have on the docket? Friends that always want to bring their boyfriends along to shit. Oh, stop. Do you tell somebody if someone's cheating, all that? So that kind of girl code stuff. Yeah. Well, I'm excited. I'm going to talk so much shit on people today.

I can't see it in your face. I'm just going to, like, really just rip everyone. My answer to all this is like, don't do it. Don't do it. What a person are you? I know. Episodes over. Girls first.

I hate, I just want to say like hose before bros, but I hate that, like, it has to be, a ho. I need a better thing. I mean, I say like fries before guys, all that kind of stuff. We just need a better say in for like how guys get to say bros before hoes. I hate that. It's derogatory. You guys should come up with some answers for us. Sisters before ministers. That's cute. But like let's be more derogatory towards men. I know. Like I want like a, you know, chicks before dicks. You come up with that? I just made it up. I just made that up. Yeah, actually. What do we call? We'll think about it.

I'm going to cut this. Okay. I know. I'm sorry. This is not funny at all. What do you want to start with? I think the number one thing is, can I date my friend's ex?

Can I date somebody and my friend is dated? All that kind of thing. Which those are different. I don't call everybody I've dated my ex. Okay. So I think to break that down,

there's like a million like semantics situations. Like how long ago was it? What was the scenario? Which they dated? Was this like somebody they dated for three months in college? Just 10 months later? Do whatever you want.

Right. And also like, I mean, every friend's different. Some people are a little more petty are sensitive than others. So, okay, what do you think? It's every single situation is different. If you present me with a situation, I will tell you what I think. You know, like, to me, I think you're exactly right. Like, it's, it's how long they dated, but more so how they felt about the person. Because you, there's definitely situations that you

could have dated somebody for a year and years have gone by and you're like, I don't ever love that person. I don't care if my friend dates him. And there are situations where you might have dated someone for a few months and just like, they affected you very deeply. and you would just die if you saw your friend with them. So I think it's like, above all, let me, before I even get into it more, you know that you have tears of friends, your best friends, your five best friends,

three best friends, whatever. You know, you girls know what I'm talking about. Your top tier. Someone said that I sound very petty by tearing my friends. Oh, I love it. I think it's hysterical. You know what a second tier friend is? You guys know what I'm talking about.

Those top tier friends that feel like family. No, those girls come first above any man. Like, I don't, I feel like I don't even have to tell this to the girls listen to this podcast because they're awesome, but like any X of your top to your best girlfriends are off limits. It's not even something that I would like, play away. In my head, they're off limit. I like, there's like, they're not even accessible. I don't even look at them like that. I don't even find them attractive. They are off limits in my brain. It would never even occur to me.

And I was at dinner with a girlfriend the other night. She was telling me a story and I like got a little choked up. And I was like, I can't believe how much life we've lived together in 11 years of friendship. Yeah. And like the amount of relationships and breakup she's seen me go through like, those are the people that are there forever. Yes, your husband should be there forever. But like, your girlfriend friendships are the people that should be there forever. Don't fuck somebody they dated. Yeah. I mean, unless you really don't care about that person. Unless you don't, I mean, if you're an asshole and you're like, I don't care if I lose her as a friend, then yeah, do whatever you want. But if you want to maintain this friendship, like, don't do it. And I just, I think the X matters here.

Because I think of guys I've dated. I mean, you know, we talk about this all the time. Your main ex, the last person you were serious with, or the person that broke your heart or the person that you really loved, like, no one can date him. If somebody called me, eat any to your friend and said, hey, Ashley, so-and-so, asked me out. I'd be like, you go out with him, but you're dead to me now. Are you kidding me? Like, every girl has that person and maybe I will feel differently about this three years down the road or if I'm married or if I'm with somebody else. But when that's the last person you dated or that's that person that broke your heart and everybody fucking knows, Don't you dare.

I don't even like when I'm at a bar and somebody comes up to me who knows that person. And it's like, yeah, I went out with him or I hooked up with it. I don't want to know about it. You are so right. Like I will,

I think it's funny and we can get into this on the next topic, like to be Eskimo sisters with my friends if it's funny, but not with, do not come up to me and tell me that you have fucked or dated or whatever

with my main ex. I'm fucking punch you in the face. It's not funny. It's not cute. This girl came up to us at an in greet. and was like, my friend knows, or I know your ex. And I was like, I don't fucking care.

Yeah. I mean, I think that, you know, ultimately what you have to say to yourself is the deciding factor of me is what's more important to me. Is this friendship more important to me or the relationship with this guy? And I do think there's one-off situations where like, all right, maybe your friend dated somebody for a long time and like you really develop feelings for them and they develop feelings for you and you feel like this is it. I'm in love with this person.

And like, okay, well, then say to yourself, is this friendship worth that? Because you're not going to be friends with that person anymore. Or people are just, I say, I. truly believe a lot of it boils down to is the girl with the ex in question as she was somebody new. Because a lot of times people just like, there was somebody new, they fall in love with somebody new,

they don't care about their exes sometimes. But if that's the conversation you have to find out and conversation you have to have to have. It depends on the ex. I mean, if I could be married with kids and if one of my friends, my best friends started dating my ex-fiancee, like, we're not going to be friends.

You're not coming over for dinner. Yeah, exactly. Sorry. Like being married doesn't make me it's totally immune to be pissed about that. But yeah, there's one or two people in the world. My friends can't avoid fucking one or two people in the world. Exactly.

Like, what are you doing? And that's another point too. Because when you're the person with all the exes and somebody is maybe wanting to date your ex or quote unquote somebody that you've dated, like I don't know. I don't have claim to all them, you know, especially if you're in a smaller town, there's less people to go around. Like you can literally, except for my one. X, maybe another one kind of.

Like, I wouldn't care if someone's like, hey, Ashley, you know, I met that guy Derek. You know, you guys dated in 2010. You're like, okay, I don't care. Like, what do I care? Like, so I think that's when, if you're on the other side of that, you need to put your ego in check. Like, you don't have claim on every guy you've ever fucked.

Totally. Like, you don't have claimed every guy. Like, you have to ask yourself, do I just want everybody I've ever had a relationship with my life to still be in love with me? Because maybe if you're not, if you're over that person, It's been years.

It's been so long and they have a connection with your friend. Why would you be grudged that to your friend? And it has nothing to do. I totally agree with you. And I think it has nothing to do with length of time either. There's plenty of people that like, I don't know, I worked in a restaurant. So I was like fucking one of the other waiters for like five months or something. That's because like he was in close proximity to me.

I was in a love with that person. I don't care if somebody dates that person. Yeah. I'm not so petty that like every person's dick I ever touched like can't touch another dick. Another female? You don't have a vagina. They can touch whatever they want. I just don't, I guess there could be a scenario in which you just, I don't even know if this is true.

This feels like some fucking movie shit, but where you think that your friend's ex is like your soulmate and you guys have connected and you have this unspeakable bond or some shit. And then you can sit down with your friend and talk to her about it. And then you might have to make a decision. Or not. You might have some friend with no ego and she's like, no, go for it. love is love. I'm with somebody new, but it's a conversation you have to have. Otherwise, just put him off limits in your head. Like, it's so crazy. Like, I wouldn't even, if I even looked at your ex, like, I wouldn't even, he could be the hottest man in the world.

I wouldn't find him attractive because he is the, like, it's shut down. I just can't even imagine a scenario where I'd let it even happen. And like, we'll get into like your friends be friendly with your boyfriend or your ex-boyfriend. And like, I can't even imagine a scenario where I've let those things happen. Like, maybe a text or two, but like, I'm not out here communicating with my friend's exes. I'm not talking to them. I'm not like hanging out with them behind your back. There's just no scenarios where I'd let that happen. I get it like also

especially when you're younger, you're in college, you're the same friend group or you're a smaller town and like you can't help be around those people. I know and I think that's probably the more likely scenario. So that's kind of why I like do, I do want to address that. But I on the same token, if I meet a guy and let's, you know,

New York City, I mean, whatever, New York City can feel like a small town at times. If I meet a guy and I know that he's dated a friend of mine, like a second to your friend, maybe. They dated. They were into each other a couple months. They had sex. Maybe they called each other boyfriend, girlfriend, and it was a long time ago. And I'm like, man, you know, I really, I like this guy.

Maybe she'll be cool because, like, I could see a future with this guy. I would just talk to my girlfriend. Yeah. And my girlfriend was like, I really don't like this. I would be like, okay, I'm going to take that information and make a decision. Because, you know, sometimes it, sometimes you're, sometimes you're you're like, no, I love this man and I'm willing to throw away a girlfriend for it. I probably wouldn't operate like that, but crazier things have happened. And sometimes when these conversations

come up, I think the conversation is important. Obviously, we tell you guys this a million times on every episode to have these talks and communicate openly and things like that. Someone says to you, like, hey, Ashley, you dated this guy a couple years ago, you know, I randomly ran into him and I feel like a connection with him and I'd like to go out of them, how do you feel? That's one of those things. That's one of those things. I'm just telling women, you don't answer right away. You can be like, you know what? Can I think about this and get back to you? I need to process how I actually feel about this and we can talk about it another time.

Like I was just thinking in conversations in general with someone hits you with something like that. Like it's very easy to be like, let me think this over because I want to give you a response that's like well thought out and actually tell you how I feel. Because I think sometimes you're quick to be like, absolutely not.

Or like, yeah, totally fine. And then you're like, I actually don't feel like that. I have situations I think in the latter where like exactly like you said, I've said something's fine and I'm not fine with it. And then I just like, I really resent it. and it basically destroys the friendship. And, like, I had this one, not a very good friend,

but she, I dated this guy for a couple of months so I really was, like, crazy about, and it ended terribly. And it wasn't a serious relationship either, but a friend of mine wanted to go to work for him and his, like, startup. And I was like, totally cool with it at first. And again, she's not such a good friend

that she should have to ask my permission. But, like, at first, I was, like, really nice and playful about it. And within, like, a week, I was like, oh, wait, I don't like this at all. And, like, her and I have never recovered from it. We've never become friends again. That's not even her dating him, just her being around him day to day. I was just like, this person can't be in my life and I'm just not interested. And we like never really, we're cordial if we see each other, but that's it.

And so like, yeah, if I guess if I just like, I'm not going to stop her from going to work somewhere, but like if you take a moment to think about it, I like that you said that because I'll say that I'm okay about something. I'm not. It's more that. It's more like the reaction of like, well, I don't know, everybody's different. A lot of people are like more hotheaded. So my immediate reaction might be like, fuck you, are you serious?

and then I actually think about it. I'm like, I don't fucking care. But you're totally right. Like a lot of people. But I've done the opposite too where I'm like, yeah, totally. That's cool. And then I like, actually I'm like,

I don't love this. I don't love the way this feels. You want to be cool. Yeah. Especially with social media today. Just see them together all the time. Like, I'm not a perfect person. I've done things I'm not like super proud of all the time.

Like I haven't done always the best thing. But like, especially with social media today and you see people on Instagram stories together. Like, I just want to know. Yeah. I just want you to tell me. And like, I think most people are rational enough that they could at least take a couple weeks and think about it and be like, I'm fine with this.

Yes. And that's a thing. Like, you might need time. Like, if, if you really run into one of those scenarios and you ask your friend, you know, they might be like, can I have a little bit of time to think about this? And you need to give him that time. What, you got to date with a guy that night? Fuck you. You should have run this by your friend first. No, I need an answer in 24 hours. Because he asked me to go on a trip this weekend. Kill yourself. A fucking bad friend. I just think, like, obviously, in a perfect world, none of these things would come up, and you'd have tons of time to think about it. And that's probably not how it happens. It probably is

that you run into this guy at a bar and you guys made out. And then you're like, oh, I kind of like him. And now how do I handle this? You know? I think that, like, at a perfect world, we would all have these, like, great conversations. I've done things that I'm not super proud of. I went to a birthday party recently of a friend's ex. I should have probably asked her if that bothered her or not. I think it would bother me in the reverse. I didn't do it. You know? Yeah. I mean, that's an interesting situation. because it's like she is like third tier for you, fourth maybe even. Yeah, not somebody I'm like long term.

And that was not her love of her life. So had either of those things been with this situation, I'm like if she would have been higher up in your friend scale or that would have been like her guy that got away that she was still in love with, I think it would matter. But it's like neither of those factors are really there. She's with someone new. I don't know.

I can't imagine caring. Like I also went with you. You're really friends with him now. Like you invited me to this birthday party. Right. And it's not like you're fucking him. No, but I'm. I mean, he's pretty hot.

Somebody should. He has a girlfriend. She fuck some. Anyways, I think that this is just like a good way to illustrate that like everything is like a one size fits one situation. And I think that we should all hope to be perfect in these situations. But the fact is this is probably the most uncomfortable situation you're ever going to be in with a friend is over a dude.

Yeah. And it's not an easy thing to talk about. But I promise you like, if you don't talk about it, it will come to light and people will find out. And like, that's a worse situation to be in. And just remember, guys come and go, but girlfriends are forever. Like, good girlfriends are some of the most important people you'll ever have in your life. And I think nine times out of ten, it just isn't worth jeopardizing a friendship over a dude

that is probably going to screw you over anyway, just, you know, statistically speaking. Okay, so our next topic with Girl Code is something I think is like a really interesting, debatable topic. And like, there's also somebody what ifs. and it's can you be friends with a friend's boyfriend and a friend's ex-boyfriend? Yeah. And I have like a lot of feelings about being friends

with somebody's current boyfriend. Current boyfriend. Go for it. So I like have probably all my friends that are like married and in serious relationships. Like I have their boyfriend's phone numbers. But like I can't imagine ever using them unless it was like for a birthday present for my girlfriend.

Like I'm just, I mean I'm very about like the girl code in this situation. Like I'm not befriending my friend's boyfriend. I think it's weird. I'm not out here talking to them, joking around with them. Like, I mean, you know what your friends are like, some are more sensitive than others.

Some would be like, yeah, I don't care. Like, text him jokes all day long. Who gives a shit? But like, nope. I'm just not. Do you better not. I'm not doing it.

To text my boyfriend of me. Am I fucking dare you? I mean, if I'm ever texting or Instagramming with a friend's boyfriend or husband, because a lot of my friends are married, I'm in my head, she's right there.

I'll put him on a group text. Like, I don't ever, like, sometimes Emily's husband, Evan, like I will want to send him, a meme. It's going to both of them. Both of them. Exactly. Or it's just, I just, always in my head, my mind is saying, would she see this and be okay with it? Of course. Like, yes. I just pretend she's, I'm texting with Kate's husband. I'm like, I hope Kate's sitting right there.

It's not about them trusting me. Like, there's no, none of my friends think I'm out there, like, trying to fuck their men. It's just, I don't know, it's a weird dynamic to me. I'm just not out here, like, pursuing individualized friendships with my friend's boyfriends. What, And what the fuck? I mean, I will tell you this. Like, I clearly, I don't need to tell you guys. I am like, I can get a little territorial and jealous. I remember one time I brought my ex to Dewey Beach and like a friend of mine, I mean, we're friends.

She was a little too touchy and I did not like it. I was like, stop. Stop touching my boyfriend. My friend's wife was all over my ex at a wedding. What? And like, I got real pissed. And she's 10 feet away from her husband. Why are you ever touching another?

You know what else I don't like? my friend Gino's ex-girlfriend. They're no longer together because she was crazy. But she used to tell me, she's only like five or six times how hot my boyfriend was. She like kept saying it and like, give it to yourself.

First time was fine. Anything after that? Like, I get it. Yeah. I want to fuck him too. That's why I'm fucking him. I don't like it. Physical touch.

Are you kidding? I can't imagine like playfully swatting Kate or Corey's husband. Never touch them. But never touch them. Well, I love what you said. about Jordan Woods. Yeah. The whole thing with Jordan Woods, which Jordan Woods is Kylie's best friend, but also was friends with Chloe and Chloe hired her. So they're friends. They're like the fam.

And the whole thing with her making out with Tristan Thompson or kissing him or whatever happened was that she was sitting with like her legs draped over him. And you were like, I would never be in a proximity of your man to even get that close. Never. Never. My body would never touch my friends. And like, I think that my friends are the most amazing, incredible, confident, beautiful, successful dynamic, all the things, women. They're not out here being so jealous that I can't touch their boyfriends. I still wouldn't do it. I just, I don't like it.

And I mean, don't start a relationship with my man. And if you're, if you have a friend that's out here doing this, if she needs so much attention that she is out here trying to get it from your man, fuck that girl. It's so true. Oh, my God. My best friend's always story to my boyfriend. Fuck that girl. She is not your best friend. Watch out for that snake.

Snake. Oh my God. But also like there's there's guys like Rob that they are the ones doing it and it's fine. And Rob will just smack us on the ass. And Allison's like, oh, whatever. Also, if I looked like Allison, I wouldn't be jealous of anybody. She's a fucking model.

But it's just like, yeah, I will say this though. I had a friend's husband that is weirdly flirty and it makes me uncomfortable. And like, I hate it. Like, how do you handle it? I just don't. And don't interact. Yeah. Like, I made one comment one time that was like, oh yeah, Ashley and I were going to go make out or something. I was like, what do you? What? I felt so uncomfortable. Like, uncomfortable just because it's her. I'm like, please stop this. Gross. Stop being gross. So I think I would handle that as I just think to myself, like, especially if it's in writing, if she saw this, how would she look at my involvement in this? Yeah. It's like if she was standing there,

how would she look at her? Because, I mean, chances are she knows that he's like that with a lot of people. Well, I will say this about that guy too. He, when they were dating, he G-chatted me and to talk about their relationship, something that was happening in their relationship.

I think he was feeling desperate and couldn't talk to his guy friends and was wanting some insight into something specific that he obviously, that one of her best friends could provide. And I was like, I can't do this. I can't have this conversation with you.

I would hate this. if I thought it was the other side of this. And I just shut it down. I was like, you know, I'm sorry. I wish I could like offer more insight, but I just like feel a little bit uncomfortable because it was basically like something that he didn't like that she was doing.

I'm like, I can't talk to you about this. My loyalties to her. Find someone else to talk this about. I think that like probably the initial like the motivator there is not, is not bad. It wasn't. They're trying to like see a good side of it.

The only person I could see reacting positively to is if my sister-in-law called me and was like, I'm having a hard time with your brother. Because, like, that's a sibling relationship and we're the opposite sex. Yeah. And if Matt's girlfriend called me, it's, it just felt weird to me because I was like, if you want to tell her you want to talk to me, but I feel like I'm doing something that feels sneaky. Like, you're talking to me about stuff that you're basically talking shit on her, you know, and you're looking for my advice and this is not, I'm not the person. Find somebody else.

I don't want to be in a situation where also me and the boyfriend are in cahoots where we're both like, well, you know, she is like that. I don't want to like commiserate over something. That's what it felt like. And I was like, never to cheat me again. I'm sure that like he didn't mean anything by, of course. But like, yeah.

Right. It's misguided. Okay. But here's where I think it gets super gray is like when you're all friends and somebody breaks up and you continue a friendship with the X. Because like you can't help it sometimes. I think some people especially again in colleges and like in smaller towns. Yeah.

Okay. This person is a part of my friend group. Yeah. Like, and I think that that also is different between like same sex friends. Well, yeah. The sex matters to me. Yes.

lot. So I will say I had one situation in terms of like same sex kind of people that like when my ex and I broke up, we had one mutual friend that was extremely close with both of us. And I wasn't going to tell him to not be friends of my ex anymore. But like the way that I laid it out, I just said like, listen, if he's ever going to, if you're ever going to invite him to social plans that I'm going to be at, like you have to give me a heads up. Like I, like if you're going to invite us both a birthday party, like please don't discuss my life with him. Please don't tell him anything about me. That's all you can ask with somebody. Yeah. It's like they're the same sex, I guess. Because they're going to hang out, go to sporting events and shit together.

I didn't want to know about it, but like, I can't stop it. So I'm excited to hear what you have to say about this. I think you have some interesting feedback on friends being friends with an ex. Because personally, I don't have a single situation where a girlfriend of mine has been friends with an ex. Yeah. I can't imagine it. I wouldn't like it. I'm not here for it.

No. I have numerous close guy friends that are still friends with my ex. And what makes it even a little bit more tricky is that I introduced that. You know, like they weren't friends with him first. Well, I mean, I think it's all about who was friends with who first. Yeah. And so, but there's this, there's who is friends with who first and there's are you same sex? And they were all friends with me first.

He met them through all through me, but they're dudes. And I don't expect them to not be friends. Also, whatever, they live in a different city than me. I'm not even there anymore. You know, I'm not having to deal with like, are we going to be at the same places? I think that would make a difference. And again, it's not really something I have to think or worry about. But yeah, I mean, that was kind of tough when we were going through our breakup and stuff again.

You know, like I moved here. But just like seeing him and like friends, Instagram stories and stuff like that. Like I had to mute some people. I just don't need to see it. I'm over the relationship. I was my decision to end it. I don't need to see this. I don't need to see that you're friends with these people I introduced you to.

I think you just got to mute social media a little bit. Yeah. Personally, yeah, there's a lot of layers here. Like I grew up in Pittsburgh. There's definitely people I dated and slept with. And like, yeah, my girlfriends in Pittsburgh are around them. now. But like, I can't tell them not to hang out with somebody who I dated eight years ago. Right.

They live in the same city as. But yes, if you introduce them, I can see it just stinging a little more. It stings, but I'm also like, you know what? Like I still at the end of the day, you want, I want the best for him. Those are great guys that I'm friends with, you know, whatever. It's fine. It's fine. Girls, uh-uh. And I'm not saying leave a party where you're at with my ex. Or I'm not a crazy person, but don't be friends with him. Don't put him in your Instagram stories. Don't go to his birthday. You know, like, you're my friend.

And a casual fourth tier girlfriend. I mean, you're around him, whatever. But like, unless you guys were, like, very close before, why are you still friends? Like, you're my friend. Yeah. I mean, I think that... I'm not ever telling friends to choose loyalty,

but, like, I mean, some friends... Sometimes you have to choose loyalty. Especially, depending on how bad the breakup was. Like, I'm not asking my friends to be out here, like, icing people out and they see them on the street. Absolutely not. But, like, yeah, I expect you to not be texting and sending memes and shit.

Yeah. And again, like, be cool with him. Be at a party. You know, I have a girlfriend that I broke up with. And I was at a party with her boyfriend. And we're cool. A little weird. I'm sure she didn't love it. You know, because her and I aren't friends anymore. But we're cool. We're butts. But in a social situation, I'm not texting him.

Right. You can have a public relationship with that person. Yes. That's totally true. I love that you said, like, public versus private. That's just how I think about it. It's just like who owes who, who owes what to whom. Where's the loyalty? But Merrill deals with this. Her main ex, like the one, you know, like really broke her heart or whatever that she was super in love with is still, let me know what you think of this.

Became very good friends with one of her best girlfriend's husbands. So Merrill's ex is around them together all the time. So one of Merrill's best girlfriends is around her ex significantly enough. But there's nothing she can do. You can do. And I think it's tough when you're the wife or the girlfriend of somebody who is. who is in a relationship with like a friendship relationship with that ex. Because like, I mean, it's not really nothing you can do.

Yeah. You know, I wouldn't actively seek them out and be like going on like new date, like double date stuff. Yeah. But like if they want to be friends, okay. I know. But it's just tough. It is tough for Marilyn and I can understand this.

And she's great. She's an adult. She's mature about it. But knowing that her one of her best girlfriends is like hanging with her ex because he's there hanging out with her husband. You know what I mean? I would hate it too. I also say this.

Like, I think women. make friends easier. We have tons of friends. You don't need to be friends with your friends' exes. Men, I think men have a harder time connecting. And I love that men develop strong relationships. I think it only helps them in their lives, like, become more in touch with their emotions. And so I'm kind of like, I kind of let men like have a little more leeway when they have like friendships. Like that's why another reason why I don't care that my ex is told friends with my guy friends, because I'm like, I want men to be friends. They have hard time making friends. Let them be friends. Women, no, you can lose a friend or two. You have a fucking.

million of them. We're better at the shit. You know, like, I'm also not jealous. I'm also not jealous if my guy friend is hanging out with my ex-boyfriend. Yeah, they're not going to fuck. If my girlfriend is hanging out with him, you're going to go have a couple drinks late at night? Nope. Absolutely not. No, you're not. Absolutely not, Karen. I'm getting. Karen would never. Karen would never. Karen would never. I love Karen. Just knocking right through. Okay, what's the next topic? Oh, to tell or not to tell? Oh my God, these are so heavy.

These topics, I'm just like, oh, my God, there's so much to say. I wouldn't know what you have to say. I have, like, one line on it. I mean, cheating. It depends on, again, like, what tier of friendship you are with the person and, like, whether you want to be involved in that person's relationship and how much do you know, how much can you prove? Like, if this is my best friend and they found out, you better fucking tell me.

Oh, my God. First and second tier, you tell. You tell. But, like, I mean, yes, I know that, like, the adage is like, you're, the one that's always going to get blamed if you tell the person. Like, you're the girlfriend and you're like, listen, I found out your man was like cheating on you, whatever. Like, you know, a lot of times they stay with, yeah, with the boyfriend and then you end up getting like iced out. Oh, true. So I think like that's the adage that like, you know, you always blame the messenger and that's like very frightening.

But like, I don't know. On the other hand, like, I don't want to carry that information with me. I don't want to know that stuff and not tell you and see you time after time. And like, that sucks. Yeah. I mean, one of my. One of my. best, one of my close friends, I would a million percent tell. And if for some reason she chooses her man over our friendship, then she chooses her man over our friendship. And maybe we weren't as close as I thought. But I couldn't carry that with me. I would never. It would kill me. It would kill me. And I don't know. I know there's those situations sometimes when there's an agreement. You're married. You have kids. And like the women kind of turn a blind eye. So I don't

really know how to advise on that, but if it's like my friend that she is no idea, she thinks her man is being faithful. Yeah, I'm fucking telling her. And if it's, okay, here's another idea. I don't know how you feel about this. If it's somebody I'm not super close with where maybe I don't feel like it's quote unquote my place, like she's a friend, but not a super close friend, I might tell her best friend. Tell her, tell one of her first second to your friends. Yeah, make it somebody else's problem. Make it somebody else's problem. Yeah, I love that. That's what I'm doing in a whole situation. Yeah. I just think that like you know how close you are with somebody and evaluate like, you know, I guess we all say, well, I would want to know. But like I don't know. I don't know that I'd want to hear from like a third tier friend. Like maybe they tell my best friend and stuff. I know. I am not kidding about this because that's exactly how I feel about it. Like if you don't really know the ins and outs of this person that you know her man is cheating on her. Like you should try to find out from someone else because you might tell her best friend and her best friend can be like, listen, we've gone through. We've gone through.

this before. She doesn't want to know. Thank you. I appreciate you. But yeah, you don't know the story there. And so, but yeah, if it's a close friend, you know she thinks he's being loyal. I'm telling. I, I, okay, I had this crazy situation in college. I think I told, I feel like I've told this story on the podcast, but I told you a little while ago and I don't think you remembered. It was my senior year in college. And it was, I had like a big group of friends. We were all like coupled off. And like, the guy that I was seeing, it wasn't anything serious. But I mean, maybe a couple months of sleeping together, whatever. And all of a sudden, he, like, started getting really distant and, like, wasn't sleeping

with me. And I was, like, so upset. And this girl, Laura, who's, like, part of the group, I was telling, I remember crying to her hysterical crying, telling her, like, I don't understand, like, why he won't sleep with me and, like, why he's being so weird. And she would listen to me cry and be so hysterical and, like, be like, yeah, I don't know. Like, I don't know what's going on with him, whatever. I'm, like, a couple days, I don't know, a couple weeks into this.

My friend Leah was like, they're fucking. Like, I just, I just need you to know that. Yeah. Like, he is sleeping with her behind your back. Right. And like, I, I appreciated that more than anything in the world. Yeah. And, like, had I found out that everybody knew this behind my back and no one fucking told me.

Yeah. I never would talk to any of those people ever again. Right. Ever. So, like, it's so embarrassing to begin with when you realize you're being cheated on and all these people probably knew. And that, like, there's all this, like, whispering behind your back. Like, I was never going to blame the person who told me.

me. Right. And like, I'm so glad she did. We're best friends to this day. Like, it didn't ruin our friendship. All those relationships dissolved. For sure. But like, yeah, I mean, I'm super glad that she told me. And the older that you get, I think the scarier it gets, because the stakes are higher. Like, this is just some girl. This is my friend telling me like my college random boyfriend was fucking subdued. It's not the love of my life or my husband. Right. You know, and I think it is really scary to be the person to deliver that information. When someone's like engaged. Yeah. You know, let me know. All right. I'm just trying to work. through this in my own head. I'm trying to put myself in a situation where I see where I'm out

in some seedy bar, whatever, and I see this guy that's clearly cheating on my friend. I'm taking photos. I don't know. I might tell the guy. You know, if the, I might, and be like, I think you should tell her. I'm going to leave, I'm going to like, I don't know. I think that could definitely backfire. But like, if, okay, if I saw my friend's fiance, like, not a close friend. Yeah, I see fucking your fiance. I'm calling you and me. I'm, I'm taking you and me. I'm taking pictures and I'm sending to you. I mean, I'll figure out how to break the news lightly. I'll probably like have to set up a dinner date, don't to just like ruin your whole world with the text. But if it's not a super close friend and you see their man cheated on them, someone that

they're in a really serious relationship with that she thinks she's going to marry. I mean, that is a very tricky situation. And I mean, I think I would just, I wouldn't, I wouldn't know what to do. You do not want to tell that woman and have her be like, I wish you never told me. You know what I mean? And so that's why I'm like, God, if I knew the good. I knew the die. I might be like, I saw you, and I think you should tell. I think there's very few situations where people say I wish I'd never known. Maybe in the moment, people are like, I wish I never, but years later when you realize you could have wasted all this time on somebody that just cheated on you. Yeah. Like, I think, we've talked about us before, like, there's these like arrangements

with like athletes or men with a lot of money and like, you know what's going on. Like, you know your man's cheating. You're like, why do you tell me? But like, there's very few situations where down the road, I'm like, I wish I wouldn't have known. Let me ask you how you feel about this. what if you were dating somebody and people know who we are because of this podcast and because of our Instagrams and stuff like that they know what we look like

and somebody like a random like a listener or somebody like something you don't really know at all saw your man out cheating and told you how would you feel about it? Like do you think the girl code across the board is to tell any girl that that's being cheated on? I don't know. That's where I get a little like

I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know. I mean I think that if like a listener saw my man and like the intentions would be good. So I'm not mad at them for telling me because like I don't think that like you made this up just to fuck up my day and like ruin my life. Like yeah, clearly told me like and I think I'm probably less likely

to be mad at that person because I don't really know that person. Yeah. You know? I mean, yeah, I would always want to know if my man was cheating on me. My first boyfriend in New York cheated on me all the fucking time. And when I found out about it the first time

and I found out about like the 20 other people he had cheated on me with and how everybody knew. Like we worked together. Yeah. And like all our. friends knew. Everybody that was involved in our lives knew, our co-workers knew. And I was so humiliated. Like the feeling that like everyone knew but you is the worst feeling. It is the worst feeling. But I think most women listening to this are like, yeah, I would fucking tell my friend. I would tell

one of my best girlfriends. But I think where it gets tricky is you have like a random co-worker. You have somebody that you are more casually acquaintance with and you found out that their man is cheating on. I'm like, what do you do? Because that is tough. A random. Yeah. I mean, I hopefully would know somebody that they're good friends with. I know. Seek out that first-tier friend and put it on them. But you're right. Like maybe like their man's just kind of a shit bag and they turn a blind eye.

I know. And this has happened before. Like, you know, I always think about Cesta Key, you know, like Alex and Juliet. Like she doesn't want to know anymore. Yeah, Luann didn't want to know. And Bethany told her. Do you know what I'm talking about? I mean, housewives, obviously.

I don't know the story. Oh, Luan. Luan's husband, soon to be husband. The count. No, no, no. They had already divorced. Oh, okay. Her new guy, Tom, Dagastino.

He owns Dagestino's, the grocery store. So Tom was like, jeepin, behind her back. Sheepin. Jeepin. Stop it. Vehicular sex. That's from clueless, guys. And Bethany told Luan, okay, here's how I think I would play it.

What happened then? But now I'm invested. Bethany was like hysterical and crying. Bethany had photos. She had proof. And she was like, I don't want to be the one to tell you this. And she was like clearly shaken and upset. There was no like, she didn't take any joy in it, clearly.

She was just like, I want to tell my friend. Yeah. And Luanne stayed with him. And that's when I think you got to take a step back. I think that's the problem is that a lot of these people tell you and you stay with the person. And then you hate the person because they know. Yes. And I think that you just tell them in a non-judgmental way.

Hey, I'm just giving you this information. You do whatever you want with it. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever you decide. But I would want to know. Yeah. And just while we're on the topic of cheating and girl code,

I do hate when women blame. the side piece or the man that, or the woman that their man cheated on them with. Fuck you. That person doesn't know you anything. I don't know you anything. On that note, there's nothing I hate more than women

that are going after a man that is clearly taken. And like, I just, I, I've told you this before. Like, these girls like slide to my brother's DMs. I'm like, he cannot be more apparent that he has a girlfriend. And he has had to say, like, I am not interested. And he's like literally come to me and be like, Ashley, can I block this person? She's like a listener.

And I'm like, I'm fucking pissed. Like, if you meet somebody and they, and it's, if you meet a guy in a bar and you guys have some connection and it comes out that he has a girlfriend or whatever, I mean, you never know. People could break up. They could realize they're with the wrong person. I'm not going to not flirt with a guy that's taken if he's pursuing me, but I'm not going to pursue a guy that has a girlfriend that's fucking crazy and I hate when girls do and it's so gross to me. Just actively going after a man. If he's pursuing you, again, you don't owe his girlfriend anything. You don't know her. But actively pursuing a man that is with a man that is with. somebody. But on the flip side, you know, we always talk about like the Kardashians and shit like that. Like the people got so pissed when Chloe like slam Jordan. And I get it because I would slam her as like a shitty friend. But she didn't tear apart your family. You're cheating man to her apart your family. Right. Also if you if you trusted your man like I don't, I don't know the whole backstory. Like obviously nobody ever will. But like if I really trusted my man, then like my friend being at his house late at night, even like kicking her feet up on him, it would annoy me. It wouldn't cause me to

leave them if I didn't already know my man was a cheating lying sack of dog shit right I would have been like hey I don't like this yeah annoying yeah but like yeah that person doesn't owe you anything oh man how disappointing is it when you meet a guy that's so great and he is a girlfriend oh I know I was watching a Steelers game um in the fall and I was talking this guy is such a smoke and he's like in this he's like a creative director he does all this digital stuff he's talking about his house that he's building in Brooklyn I'm like oh my god this guy is my dream he's so beautiful and then he's like yeah my wife and I was going to figure out how to decorate it. Oh, wife. Yeah. God damn it. I miss him every day.

Well, if I met a guy in some sort of work scenario or social scenario and I really felt like I had a connection with him and it felt flirty, you know, flirty where you're like, I wouldn't like it if it was my boyfriend. But, you know, when he wanted to like DM me funny stuff, occasionally nothing crossing the line, I would take it because I'd be like, they might break up. I'm not going to make out with him. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not sending him nudes. I'm I'm definitely hoping that he's not going to cross the line, but you just never know. I think work is like this. Workplace scenarios, there's like in a perfect world and there's like what really happens

in reality. And like, look, everybody even in the healthiest, most solid relationships, has somebody at work, they flirt with a little bit. Yeah. And like, I don't like it. I don't want to know about it. Right. You don't want to know about it.

It happens. And it's, it means nothing. Yeah. You know. And it always goes back to this. I mean, we've kind of veered off here, but like, you can't force somebody to be with you. You know, if a guy has a girlfriend and he finds somebody else that he matches with better and vice versa, if you have a boyfriend and you find a man that you match, I mean, it is what it is.

We're all in here just trying to find a good match. Okay, I have like a one-off topic. I think this comes up a lot with girlfriends, especially as you're like a little younger and everybody's single. They can happen to the workplace a lot. I don't know, whatever. This is like you explaining what holiday, what wedding season is. Like, this could happen in the workplace or in a summer house or anywhere. On earth, you can always encounter a situation like this. What is it? Friends that call dibs on guys. And I don't mean like once.

I mean like, you know, like, there's always that one friend that is dibs on like 10 dudes. And you're like, am I allowed to fuck anybody? Nope. I'm saying nope to that girl. No, sorry. No dibs. Yeah. How many, okay, what's the rule?

How many guys can you have dibs on at one time? One, maybe two, one and a half average. No, you can't be out here. It depends why you're calling. on dips. Do you have like a... Okay, so like there's people that like I definitely haven't one in particular fucked yet. But like if you started

flirting with him, I wouldn't like it. Like, that I clearly have more of a deeper connection with. But this is just like a guy both of you and your friend like have an equal connection to which is none. Right. Like that's a good call. The equal connection. So and we've had guys sit on this couch

that we've thought we're hot and let's say one in particular. Let's say one in particular. I kind of was flirting with, but then he just started flirting more with you. And I'm like, go for it. I don't fucking care. He still DMs both of us all the time. He does not get it. Do you not think we share all these screenshots? We make fun of you so much. He's so ridiculous. I mean, he's so hot. so he could do it as long as he was. People are like, people know who it is. But also, we have the same connection to this person. We met him the same day. Yeah. Like, I'm not out here, like, having

dates with him and then you're flirting with him. And then you're flirting with him. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's, it's innocent flirting and it makes me laugh that he like is out here. Just like, it's so crazy. Yeah, me both of us. Baby, baby, baby. Ew, stop. He never called me that. Okay. I would like to share a story. I had a situation with a girlfriend, a close girlfriend, top tier. And we met a guy same time, like met him at the same social event. And I was kind of interested in him. He's kind of like, why would you not be? You know, single, good looking, fun, smart.

And I don't want to say I called dibs, but I just thought that I had like a connection with him. I just thought that we were kind of flirty. But I didn't really know how she felt. You know, I don't think she knew how she felt. Whatever. I think we're both like, here's this cute, cool guy. Like, why would we not be interested in?

You know, we're like New York City girls. They're hard to find. So bottom line, I kind of made it known that like, yeah, I'm interested. I'm not in love with a dude. I don't know him that well. But like I'm interested. I would go out with him. And one night, her and I were hanging out.

and this was like after we had met him, like, you know, a few days later. And she made a comment that he had, like, said she was hot or something like that. And I didn't like it because I was like, I think you knew that I was interested in this guy. Why did you say that to me? What was the point of that? Was it like, you're a woman, you know how this feels. This hurt my feelings and I felt like it was unnecessary. And I left her place and I thought about it.

I didn't leave in like a huff. You know, we were hanging out. I left and I got home and I called her on the phone. And I said, that made me feel bad. And I don't understand the point of you saying that to me. She was like, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't have said it. It just came out. It was like part of the story I was telling. And I wouldn't have liked that if you said that about a guy I was interested in. I'm sorry. And I apologize. I'm like, thank you for saying that. And I said, during the phone, I said, also, I just want you to know that if this guy is interested in you and he wants to go out with you, that's okay.

You know, it's not my favorite thing that's ever going to happen. But like, who am I to begrudge my friend of a guy that is clearly interested in her over me if that happens to be the case. And that is what happened. And he asked her out. Again, I think that they were just communicating. more. I think she was like a little more into the communication, which is fine. It's not a big deal. Who cares? But when she caught and she told me, she was like, hey, he asked me out. I wanted to run this by you. And I was like, yeah, I told you. This is fine with me. Did I love it? No. No one would love that. No one would love that you had a crush on a guy and then he asked your friend out. It didn't make me want to hang out with her the next day. But like they went out, a few days went by. I felt totally fine with her. It just took me, you know, like, 48 hours to just like, I don't know this guy that well, this guy was not to love my life.

sure enough, he ended up fucking her over too. No, I'm just kidding. He's not like a fuck boy, but he definitely exhibited some like non-desirable adult male behavior. Bottom line, that was a very adult way to handle that situation. And that could have gone badly. If she didn't tell me or she just went out with him and then just told me in passing, hey, I went out with so-and-so.

I'd be like, what? Like, it just was one of those things of, yeah, I think I quote-unquote had dibs where I express. that I like this guy first, but you cannot begrudge your friend, a guy that likes her and not you. Yes, and I like so many of the things you did. I mean, it's one of the things I like the most about you.

I mean, I don't like it in the moment always, but like you will always tell me how you're feeling. And like, yeah, I don't always love it. But like, I think a couple things. First of all, like, you know her and this is not like a pattern. Like you just say to yourself, like, is this something somebody does all the time to me? Or is this like the only time this has ever happened?

Yeah. And so like, I think that's a good call. That helped you to like keep it in, check where you're like, you're mad, but you're not like, this happens all the time. And like, I think you also did what you said earlier, which is like initially you said yes. And then you were like, oh, I'm pissed about this. And like, when you realize you're pissed about it, have the conversation, but she didn't do anything wrong. I told her I was cool with it. I just didn't really care to be around her for like a week. But we were like on the road anyway. It was not a big

deal. But I was like, I still am not regretting that I told her. It was cool. I don't, this guy doesn't want to date me. And he wants to date her. I'm glad. She's my, one of my best friends. Yeah. But yeah, you're right. It was like, it was the same thing. I was like, I don't like the way this feels, but who would? We all have an ego. Yeah. And I think that it's good to accept that too. Like maybe you don't want to be around the person for a week. Or like, maybe you don't need to hear about their first date.

But then like I did. I just needed time. And I think time is like fixes a lot of things. Like, you know, Justin Bobby the Hill's truth and time will tell all. But like I just feel like, no, I didn't want to recap with her the next morning. Right. That's what I mean. Maybe don't tell that person.

A week later we went to drink. Tell me about your date. I'm over it. I've decided I'm okay. That's her favorite meme. favorite thing. I want to make t-shirts and say it. But that's, that's me and that's how I operate. And that's exactly how that situation went down. And, you know, I'm sure she's listening to this and it's fine. And we're zero animosity. But I will say this that like, yeah, patterns, no. If the last thing I ever

want, and I know another, a friend that has this within one of her best girlfriends are weirdly competitive about men. I never want to be like that. Like, if you're always dealing with a situation like this, if you're always feeling like you like this guy and your friend swoops in, I'm not going to be friends with that girl. I've never had a friend like that. I'm not going to do it. Fucking snakes. Snakes. Snakes. Snakes in the grass. Yeah. And like, look, there's nothing wrong with these conversations being super hard to have. I think that they get obviously much easier with time.

And I had a similar situation to you where it did not go so well. And this is a long time ago. So I was like 25, maybe 26. Me and one of my best friends met this guy at work. He was like, we're all like in sales or whatever. And like, he was just this like super hot guy and like, I'm flirting with him.

And she's flirting with him. But I thought him and I like really had something. I'm not so we're going to fuck and they were like date. But like, yeah, I called dibs. Yeah. And, like, he was mine. And then I went away for the weekend to Philadelphia. And, um, she called me the next morning and was like, I hooked up with him last night. Like, we all went out after work. Everybody's drinking. We're at this bar. I went home with him. Like, we hooked up. And I just said okay. Because I was, like, so uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say. And I was like, okay, well, I don't know if I have a leg to stand on. But like, I feel pissed. Like, I feel like I left town this morning. And my best friend,

fucked him. Like, I really did not like, but like, I don't know, all these things start going through your head. You're like, I should be fine with this. This is not my man. I don't own him. I don't own her. Maybe they like each other. I don't know.

And like, I really did not know how to deal with that. And like, I would say like a pretty weird cycle started with me and her over the next, like, few months where she'd talk to me about him. And I'd get really pissed. And I'd be like, but like, that's not her fault. Like she didn't, she asked me if it was okay. And I said it was fine. You know?

That doesn't mean I wanted it rubbed in my face, which is sort of how I felt. But like, again, like, I made it seem like it was fine. So, like, who was there to blame besides myself? And, like, those conversations just used to be really hard for me to have. I think I set the wrong precedent immediately in the moment where I laughed it off and said it was okay. So weeks later, I can't just step up and be like, hey, I'm mad at you about this. Well, that, that gets really tricky. Like, what if you really do like somebody?

This was not my scenario. But what if I did really like that guy? What if I was like, no, I really like him. And I don't want you to go out with him. Then what? Then everybody's pissed. It sucks. Everybody's pissed.

And it's, I mean, look, there isn't like a neat wrap it up in a bow answer to every situation in life. Like those situations fucking suck. You really like a guy and like he really likes your friend. Yes. Like this guy that I've liked for a long time who I've never slept with. Like, he doesn't owe me anything. And if he wanted to date one of my friends, he's great.

He is smart and good looking and all the things you want a person. And one of my friends wanted to go out with them. Like, I wouldn't think that was crazy. But I wouldn't hate it. I guess at the end of the day, like, you hope that your friend approaches you with, hey, I'm interested in so-and-so, he's interested in me. How do you feel about it? And I think, again, I think I'd take a beat, think about how I really felt and then be like,

I'm not going to begrudge you this because I'm not petty and I want everybody to find love. But like, I'm just going to be straight up with you that this may affect our friendship because I don't think I'm going to want to be around you and him. And I will never put myself in a situation where I feel uncomfortable. So I don't know what to tell you. Like, I'm just being honest with you. And I just think honesty is the best policy and it will work itself out. And sometimes relationships dissolve.

And like sometimes people do choose a guy over their friends and it happens. But I think I would have to be like, you can do you and I will try my best. But I'm going to be honest with you that this, I don't love this. And it may make me feel uncomfortable to hang out with you. I think that's like a very powerful statement. It's so honest. It's like I care about you enough that I want you to be happy, but like I care about myself enough that I also need to be happy, you know,

and can't be around this. Yeah. Like no one needs afford me that. Yeah. And then that's a thing. Then you can't be that selfish. If you're the person that's choosing to like date somebody that you knew your friend had feelings for, then you need to accept the potential risk.

Yeah. And that's, it comes with the territory. It does. And eventually probably you'll move on. You'll find somebody. You'll be happy. You'll be able to be around them. But like, it's fine.

If in the interrupt. it fucking sucks and you don't want to be around that person. Like, you don't have to feel good about every situation. Yeah. I think that's a good point too. Like, we always say this, friendship's Evanflow. Like, if this happens and your friend ends up dating somebody that you liked, you don't have to hang out with them.

Never put yourself in a situation you don't like. Hang out with other people. Make a new friend. And then maybe one day you'll wake up and you'll be over it and you'll be like, you know what? I'm going to call her up and I'm happy to hang out with both of them and I don't feel uncomfortable anymore or not. But like, it's fine to take breaks from your friends.

if things are making you uncomfortable. Yeah, and I'm excited to talk about us on another episode when we talk about like female friendship in general, but like I have lots of friendships that have ebbed and flowed for a number of reasons where they don't live here, or they're married with kids, we just don't have that much in common anymore, or they fucked somebody that I really liked, you know?

I've had friends that I thought we were never going to speak again and we were fine and vice versa, and I think it's okay to have ebbs and flows and friendships. Not everything is great all the time. Yeah, except for me and you. It has to be great all the time. Oh, yeah. I just,

somebody asked me the other day if we would ever go to, therapy together. And I was like, yeah, what other choice would we have? Of course we go to fucking therapy together. Would we ever? Yeah. Yeah. It came down to it. Yeah. Of course we're going to therapy. All kinds of shit. Shock therapy. I got to say this though. I will say. At the end of the day, how many more cliches can I throw in here? Ask yourself how you'd feel. Come on. Put yourself in the person's shoes. Like if you're this person, it's like, I want to date your ex. How would you feel? Like, come on, you know, and I know everybody's different. Everybody is different levels of triggering and emotions and all that kind of stuff.

But that is usually the answer is treat people how you want to be treated. You know, it's like really pretty simple. It's the thing your mom told you when you were four. It's like people are selfish and they want what they want. But I think how you'd feel. And not even just selfish. I just think like, I don't, I think when people are like, I'm bad with conflict. Yeah, you should be bad with conflict.

It's not great to be good with conflict. I love conflict. I'm so good at being a. fucking dick, no, okay? These conversations fucking suck and they're hard and they're uncomfortable and you can't say these things to somebody's face, write it in an email, write it in a text. But like, I mean, we said this about the bridesmaids. We said this about every single like topic.

The answer is have the conversation. The worst thing to do is not have the conversation. Yep. So just do it. Yeah. Have the conversation always. That's this should be the title of podcast. Have the conversation.

The whole podcast. Have the conversation. Okay. I want to wrap it up with this thing that you brought up that makes me so mad. I've had it happen like a couple times kind of recently, which is crazy to me. Oh, grow up. And I mean, yeah, I'm probably a little more sensitive to this because I'm single, but like, I don't think I liked this when I was in a relationship.

I hate it when I have plans with a girlfriend and I think I'm just going out with the girlfriend. And they're like, hey, I invited my man. If it's okay with you, then I can tell him not to come. And it's like, I don't, why did you do this? Yep. Or just shows up with him even worse. Oh, that's even worse.

I mean, here's a deal. My time's valuable. I don't put myself in situations that I'm not going to like. I don't hang out with people. I don't want to. I would say like, hey, yeah, sorry. I just wanted to have a girl's night and catch up with me and you. Maybe we can reschedule.

Unless I feel like hanging out with her man. But if you thought you were going to have a dinner with your girlfriend and have girl talk and have this quality time and now she's bringing her man along, I don't want to go anymore. I don't either. Maybe I do if I'm in the mood. But you are absolutely entitled to be like, hey, I'm sorry. Like I'm a little bummed.

I thought it was just going to be me and you. and if you, you know, maybe we can reschedule for another time. Hopefully she'll be like, you know what, never mind. No, I don't need to bring him. Hopefully. And by the way, the dickhead thing in this scenario is them asking you to bring their boyfriend. It's not you saying no. So that's the uncomfortable thing is like just being like,

hey, I was just looking forward to like being alone. And almost all of my friends are dating or married to people that I adore. For sure. I'm third wheel all the time. And I don't mind hanging out with them. But like, if I just was planning on being alone with you for the night, then like that's what I want to do. Right.

Exactly. Yeah. And sometimes it'd be fine. I do have to say, when you were really in love with somebody, especially the new, if this has been years that these people didn't together, just fuck off. But if you're like not in your right state of mind when you're falling in love with somebody, you're really not.

I've done some dickhead things. Like you're really fucked up. It is like being on drugs. And I think you are blinded to like the normal behavior. And I think sometimes you, again, have to put yourself in your shoes. And again, sometimes you just need that reality check from your friend. Like when you're so in love with somebody,

like those first few months, when you are like obsessed with somebody, you literally think, like, of course my friend will want to hang out with him. Like, you do. You're so right. You think that he's adding value. Like, I'm just thinking of, like, when I was falling in love with my ex and, like, I can just picture a scenario where I was like, of course Kate will want me to bring him. He's the best person alive.

Of course he should come. And like, you're just so dumb. You're like love drunk. And so I think you have to take a step back. And I think sometimes you can be the friend to put that friend in place. if I did that, I think Kate would be like, Ashley, I don't want to hang out with him. I just want to hang out with you. You're my best friend.

I'd be like, oh, fuck, you're right. I'm a crazy person. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? I have to give some sympathy to, because I look back at this one scenario when I was in that situation that I did act like a shitty friend and, you know, we've made up and we've done the apologies and stuff like that. But I was like, I was blinded.

I guess you're right. I guess I should empathize a little more. But I mean, I'm not, I still don't want your boyfriend. But you can say something. But like, yeah, it's also. And I think that like you can frame it. It's like, hey, I just haven't seen you in a while and I love being with you and I just want to be alone with you. I mean, I'm not out here thinking that every time I hang out with my friends, they're significant others shouldn't come.

No, absolutely. I mean, you and I are the same. Like, we hang out with couples all the time. Third, fifth, seventh wheel. It's fine. But like, yeah, you plan on a girl's night. You want to talk about what you're going on. And then there's just fucking dude there.

Absolutely not. I think people are upset when they have to third wheel with me and you. Well, I feel like all the time, like you or me will have plans like after. we record or work together for the day. So I'm like, yeah, of course, I'm going to invite you to whatever I'm doing it. And I like, do you think somebody's like, oh, God, why do you have to invite Raina? She's like, I know what you mean when we bring each other along? Yeah.

Yes, I know what she means. If I play as a girlfriend, I'm like, well, it's with Ashley all day long, I can't not invite her. Wait, you're so right. We do this. But we just think it's okay because we all have vagina. Yeah. But we, I think we're added value. And that's it.

Here, here's the thing. It also depends on the person. Like, yeah, maybe I like your boyfriend more than you. Bring him. You know, he's funny and hot. Bring him. It's personal. Yeah.

Because there was situations and I remember like just thinking about my ex like that a lot of my girlfriends love to be around him. Like they would gladly be like, bring him. He's fucking funny. You guys are funny, you know? But I think they'd have to ask me. I wouldn't just bring him on people. Right.

Oh my God. The last guy dated like long term seriously. Like my friends were like. like, oh, God, do you have to? Wait, but you like being around him. I love it. I love it. I got to show you this text message conversation

than we had yesterday. You and him? Yeah. Well, I'll let you know when I need a nap and you can read it to me. But you don't mind being around him. You like his vibe. You just set the bar so low that he, you know,

he blew me out of the water. Maybe that's the trick, because you've got to tell people how horrible your man is. Yeah, before you introduce them. Okay. I feel like we could go on about Girl Code like forever.

so we'll do another episode about it. But I'm really excited. You came up with this idea for a new segment. Can I tell? Well, I'll tell the inspiration. Okay. The inspiration was that I was being petty and was kind of crushing on this guy. This is not too long ago.

And I didn't want to watch his Instagram story. So without any prompting, Raina was doing full screen recordings of his story and sending them to me daily. I didn't even have to tell you. I said, I'm not watching his stories. I'm like not, I'm deciding not to watch. them screen recording immediately of his stories. And I was, you are such a true friend.

Yeah, but like I feel like when someone isn't nice to my friend or like something happens, like I'm just as petty as you are, it basically happened to me. I'm not here being super petty. But you went in there screen recorded his Instagram story and sent me the video and I was like, this is best friendship. So that's what prompted this segment, which is, what are we calling it, when you know she's a true friend? Yeah, how you know she's a true friend. Yeah. How I knew she was a true friend. How I knew she was a true. We asked you guys to submit like one-liners. We got some really funny shit.

We've been crying all day. Yeah, it really ranged from like some really nasty ratchet stuff to some really sweet, like choked up. I'm going to cry stuff. I'll tell you mine to just kick it off. It's a short one, but I've never told this story on the podcast. One of my best friends, she's married now. She's classy these days. But back in the day in college, she had a boyfriend who I didn't really like.

And we were at a party and she wanted to fuck this guy. She wanted to cheat on her man. And she was like, if you come in the room with us, like he won't suspect that anything's happening. I can just put this off on you. Oh my God. So I sat in the room while she fucked him. No.

I just sat on the window sill and stared out the window while she fucked him. No, you did not. Yes, I did. You just cuckolded her. No, I was. You're the cuck. That's what I meant. You were cucking.

I will never forget it. It was at my friend's house who's also married with children. It's beautiful. This is crazy. I stared out the window. There was like a party downstairs. sat on the window, stowed out the window,

and she fucked them. This is, I'm picturing like a little kid when mommy and daddy are fighting. You just like stare out the window and pretend it's not happening. Yes, exactly what I did.

That was your first cuckold experience? Yes. You're a true friend. Am I a cuck? Oh my God. Oh my God. I got a shout out Jenny Jones. This is a friend of mine. She's my most savage friend.

She's anyone's most savage friend. Everyone should have a friend like this. My ex has her blocked on every social media platform. She doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck. I don't ask her to do these things. She gets fucking pissed.

And when she sees a man, and this is not just me, this is all of our friends. Karen, she fucking tore Karen's ex, like a part on her Instagram story. Pictures of him, this fucking cheater. She doesn't care. This isn't like, Jenny, can you go after my ex or can you go after this guy? She's like, no, she does it on her own. She gets blocked. That's a real friend.

Actually, my best friend told us this thing the other day when we were in, we were at a hotel with her and she told us that she was out here trolling somebody. She's like, I have to tell you guys. God, yes. She was like, it happened weeks ago. She's, like, made up a fake insta. It's been trolling this guy. Just for her own personal enjoyment.

She didn't even tell us. That's like when you know you have real friends, when they get so personally fucking pissed and victimized by something that a man does to you, that they're like, I'm taking this into my own hand. Right. Don't even need to tell you about it. That's how funny it is.

Yes. Yes. The thing that Jenny, like, I remember one time she, like, commented, I think my ex had written something about his new girlfriend and Jenny commented, why are you still calling Ashley then? What? Blocked. But she didn't even tell me.

He told me. And then I was like, Jenny, what did you do? And she was like, I forgot about that. She's not doing it to show that she's a good friend. She's doing it for her own personal enjoyment. That is a savage fucking bitch. She wrote something one time on like his work Instagram and I had to have her deleted. I was like, stop it.

It's going to make me like, you know it's bad when you think it's bad. But she, it's not, again, and this is like her close friends, she's another one that has a million close girlfriends. And this is not specific to me. And my exes, it's fucking everybody. I mean, what she did with Karen's ex? I was like, who, Jesus Christ. I was like, Karen, are you mad that I'm not going to do this?

Because I just, I can't be out here putting your ex on my Instagram story with fat cheater. I can't. The best fucking person. She should start a business. I want to rent her. I love her. So anyways, you guys submitted like a lot of one-liners about like how I knew she was a true friend. We got some funny-ass shit.

You want to do that first. The second one is a two-parter. Okay. Wait, anyone to read the first one? Yeah. Okay. Smells and checks your feet and pits. That's so true.

When you see another girl, check it in another girl's pits. You're like best friends. I have a question, though, why can't you smell your own pits? I don't know. And your feet? Some people say you can't smell your own B.O. I can. I can smell my own B.

Well, if you can't, I think it's really beautiful. Yes. If you're like, I can't tell, am I spicy? If do I have spicy pits, I'd be like, and that's a term Corey and I use because it's just so accurate. Like, are my pits too spicy for this date? I'll get in there. All right.

It's gross to me. But I get it. Okay. It's gross. That's why it makes a true friendship. Okay. This next one is a two-partner for me because the first one's funny. The second one is...

Wait, I want you to read one part and I'll read the second part. Okay. So the first part is took my nudes for me. Yes. So I have a girlfriend that did... I was actually, I was sending this guy nudes of me in a hotel and like he didn't, like, his first text to me was like, wasn't like, oh my God, that's so sexy. He said, who took these?

Yes. Right. Because it's clearly pictures of me out of bed. Yeah. So my friend Dara, shout out to her. She took nudes for me in a hotel. The second one is lets you use her nudes instead of your own to send to guys. That is so savage.

So, I mean, if it's, you know, you can tell what someone's body is, but I remember years ago, I was sexting with this guy and I was like laying out and he was like, let me see your tan line. And I just didn't have a defined tan line yet. And I was like, Corey, do you have a tan line pick I can use? And she sent me one night I sent it to him. Like a kind of like, you know, midsection tan line like on your, like, we still say, like she literally let me use her like pick to send to this guy. It's so funny to me.

I never even thought to do something like that. These girls out here just doing stuff I didn't even think about. I know. Okay. I love this so much. Fuck's your boyfriend's your mate so you don't have to Uber home alone. That girl's Jewish because she understands money saving. God,

I don't want to pay for this Uber by myself. I guess I'll fuck this dude. It's not crazy. I love this so much. But yeah, you're saving money and you're having sex. And you get to get laid. I love this one. Shaves her eyebrows off when you accidentally shave yours off.

How do you accidentally shave an eyebrow off? Also, why are you to do? do not take a razor or your eyebrows. Ladies, what are you doing? Like, okay, my brother used to take just the razor and bick, like the middle right between his eyebrows and what she was doing. That's probably what she did. I mean... Your friend in solidarity. Oh, my

God. This one's also sort of gross, but like, I get it. Looks at your badge to confirm, it doesn't look like roast beef. I mean, that's you just, yes, anything like that. Like, can you check out this body part for me? Yeah, just like, I want to know what other people might say about it. Like, I'm not,

it's not my favorite idea, but like, I'll do it. I'm watched enough porn. I've seen enough like naked vaginas. I could certainly look at a friends. Maybe. This one's good. Eight of your friends follow the girl hooking up with your cheating ex to let her know you know. Can you imagine me in that girl? You're like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Like everybody's following. Jennifer, Stacey, Jessica, Sarah, Kate. You're like, who the fuck are these bitches all follow at the same time? All hit follow at the same time. You just get flooded. With the man you're hooking up with his exes. I love it. Whole inner circle. It's so hysterical. this is funny and I'm sort of confused about how it happened, but I'm happy it did.

Hides in the trunk while you're in the front seat getting back together with your ex. What? Like, how did you get in the trunk? I know. And I hope somebody let you out. Like, do you pull up to the house and then you get into the trunk? The boyfriend gets into the car. Right.

I don't know. But there was coordination and forethought and I love it. Maybe they had an SUV. So she just climbed back. I don't think anyone should ever be for. to be in like a trunk of a sedan. That's just some murder shit. Feels murdering to me. Yeah. Okay. I just like anything with hiding. Like that's what you did.

You could hide that room. No, I was there. He knew I was there. Oh, that's right. He fully knew I was there. Yeah. Okay, this is, this is funny and it includes, um, is it botany? What's botany? That's word, right? Botany. Yeah. Botanicals, whatever. Um, gave a guy poison ivy on his neck every. He tells you that you need a nose job. This is a lot going on. So this guy, I guess, told a girl that she needed to get a nose job and her friend went and got some poison ivy and rubbed it on his neck. Oh my God. Okay.

I'm going to cry. I'm really going to cry. Drops everything to come to chemo with you. I just can't handle these. We were like reading these and I was like, these will make me more emotional than anything that a man could do. Like girlfriends and just in general, I can't handle. I think they're so beautiful and I love these. I love last week's stuff that you wanted to do also.

My friend Jennifer was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer at 31. And we all went to the hair salon. Like our guy friends too, we all went to see my hairdresser Mandy in Atlanta and had a party in the hair salon while she got her head. Like not shaved but cut really short like in a mohawk. So Mandy mohawked her hair. We were all there.

We all got wasted. And then I'm going to cry. Her best friend Candice, like cut her hair off too. She had long pretty hair and she just like cut into Mohawk too. And I was like, I'm not your best friend. So I don't have to do that. But I'm drunk and it was so beautiful. I just love female friendship.

They're the best. I'll take this over anything. Our guy friend Trey did it too. But whatever, he's a guy. Actually, a couple of the guys did do it. It was really special. And she beat breast cancer and she's pregnant with her second kid anyway. My God, that's so beautiful.

Oh, no. Her story is very inspiring. I'm going to skip this next. one, but I'm going to go to the second to last one. I think it's also very beautiful and something that we should all be doing for our friends. Yeah. Send you a paragraph about how bomb you are every time you think about texting your ex. I know. It's so important. Just anything like that. I've had friends that even like saw something that of someone I've dated or an ex or something and just like sent me a text. It was like, hey, just want to let you know, I'm thinking about you and I love you.

Like Lillian did that. Like, that's what you should do. I think you should constantly remind people that you love them and care about them. And I'm why we reach out to X's as we're seeking validation. and if we get it from a friend, then like, thank you. And I want to wrap up with the most important thing that you can do for a friend. Above chemo, above head shaving, above nudes. Above volunteering to be a surrogate for someone. Is what, Freyna? It's buying your friends tickets to a girl's got to each show.

Thank you so much, guys. That's our show. So good. This is how we're ending the show from now on. Yes, buying your friends tickets to a stupid live show. get tickets to our stupid live shows at stupidliveshows.com we also have merch

I'm crying please send us emails about all kinds of stuff in your life is this weird, it's like or power move emails took a turn I can't stress this enough please don't DM us the only reason we can't keep track of your DMs if you send us a long winded DM we cannot track it like it just goes into the abyss

we can screenshot it put in a folder we're not doing it so if you want to be featured on the episode email us email guys It's so easy. Just hit email on the homepage of the Instagram and put what you were going to DM into the email and hit send. Thank you for coming to Ashley's TED Talk about email. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

That was really great. I loved it. I love doing this episode. I'm so excited. I love female friendship. I know. I like my friends more than any guy ever dated. We love you guys.

We'll see you the live shows. Love you guys so much. Have a good week. Bye.