Girls Gotta Eat - Give Me My Privacy

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

Does my partner deserve to know how many people I've slept with? What about my past relationship history? Should we know each other's phone passwords? How can I poop in private?! We're answering all these burning questions about privacy and boundaries on this week's episode. We're also discussing Ashley's birthday (and more #CancerSzn feelings), Rayna's recent tryst, and playing another shocking round of That Took a Turn. Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @OneHungryJew, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Donate to our fundraiser for Immigrant Families Together HERE. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Birchbox: Get $5 off your first month of You-Time by going to birchbox.com/gge and enter code GGE. Fabletics: Get 2 pairs of leggings for just $24 at fabletics.com/gge. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy comforter, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. Bioclarity: Get 40% off skincare routines and 15% off everything else at Bioclarity.com when you use code GGE at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But what if a guy leaves you to his apartment in the morning by yourself? Girl, what? I'm going through everything. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Ashley's birthday week. Yes, tomorrow. We are getting ready to leave town this week for an awesome run of shows.

I cannot wait for these shows. Yes, July, coming in hot, AC, this Friday. Well, okay, I'll get to that. What if you have to tell them to what else first? We're doing. I know we remind you every week, but we have some awesome shows coming up, and we have some tickets left for some of them. So Atlantic City on Friday night, July 12th.

There are still some seats left. We go to Phoenix and Denver, which are sold out. And then Salt Lake City, we do with some tickets left. So that is next Thursday night, the 18th. And then we're hitting road for Canada. So Toronto and Montreal for the Just for Last Festival, July 23rd, and then the 24th. Tickets left. A few for Toronto.

I checked this morning. There was like 25 tickets left. And then Montreal, a couple tickets left as well. And then you have been doing big things for Atlantic City behind the scenes. Yes. Well, and also Minneapolis, right? Oh, I forgot about how can I forget Minneapolis? First show on Friday, August 2nd is sold out.

August 3rd. There are some tickets. We had a glitch on our website through Ticketmaster where people were not able to buy tickets that is fixed. So it wasn't our website. Yes. To be clear. Our landing page for the show. A couple of you, thank you.

you guys, if you ever have trouble getting tickets, please let us know. Thank God, a couple of you messages about that because there was a whole system error thing going on. So anyway, those are up. The third. Tickets available for the third. Yes. Yes, Atlantic City, I cannot stress this enough. I know it's the week of and you're like, man, should we go. Yes, you should go. You don't, like, what we have planned, I've, like debated whether I tell people, I'm not telling anybody. Like, the way we're opening the show is going to be so insane. It's a show in and of itself. The way we're closing the show. we're going to put Raina at risk, but it's going to be fine.

She'll make it through. And it's just going to be amazing. So come tickets, Girls Gotta Eat, Podcast.com or Stupid Live Shows.com. You know, it's always a fun link to hit. And we'll see you guys at these shows all over the country. Can't wait. Okay. And in other countries, international.

Okay. So your birthday week. Tomorrow. Let me ask you. I am not like, I don't care of my birthday at all. How are you about your birthday? Big, huge birthday, great person. Big birthday energy.

Yeah. I feel like I've chilled out a little bit because we do all this cool stuff. Like, we do these shows. And I'm like, this is enough attention, you know? But I've just, I've always been big on my birthday. Last year, you know, we went jet skiing in the Hudson. Like, I'll take it to do like a bucket list kind of thing or get all my friends together. I'm not going to lie and be like, oh, it's no big deal.

Like I take advantage to having a celebration with all my friends. It's about me. I'm excited. Last year we just skied in the Hudson. It was one of the most fun things I've ever done in New York. It is. You know what? Let me plug them.

Guys, see the city. S-E-A. like the C. See the city. See the city. com. I want to make it very clear. Don't DM us about this.

And they're incredible. And they're like the premier company if you're in New York. And Hudson, I say that loosely. It's all around like the New York City at Waterway. I don't know. You jet ski around the Statue of Liberty. It's crazy. I'd always want to do it ever since I saw Hitch.

And they do that as a date. And I was like, that's a crazy thing. who could ever do that? And I'm like, we did it. It was still to this day, people ask what's your favorite thing you've done in New York City? That's it. We took a private tour with like 10 of us all on our jet skis. It was such a blast. Like to be on our jet skis like going around

the Statue of Liberty. I was like, I can't believe this is real life. But anyway, see the city year round. People do it in the winter. That's so wild to me. And the twig the war guys are hot. Smoke shows, the men and the women. Anyway, use promo code Gigi. No, I'm just kidding. But they're wonderful.

Yeah, we're just going to do something low-key dinner this year. We're going to go to do a little rooftop pool thing this weekend. We're recording on Friday the 5th, literally as close to our release date as you can get. We're on our deathbeds right now. Yeah. For the July. Oh my God. I don't even know what day it is. I could not tell you what's... We're going to get to you really quick. But one last thing I want to say is, obviously, we did our cancer season attacks last. They have increased. Cancer, it is a full-on war on cancer. It is so crazy. It's just been over the top. And I have to say this. Here's my theory. I think people feel comfortable hating on cancer because we are the best.

And that's how I feel. It's like too good. That's what it is. People are allowed to punch up. They're not allowed to punch down. So I think people know that we are superior. It's like why people hit the Patriots. Like everybody feels comfortable hating on the Patriots.

You're not going to hate on the Browns. I don't know. I think Gemini's are the best. All my favorite people are Gemini-I. Of course you can say that. Again, of course, everyone is entitled to think their Zodiac sign is the best. I'm just saying the attacks on cancer is so out of control. And I just feel like we are the Patriots of the Zodiac.

I feel like of the, like, what is it called? Of the horoscope of the horoscope world. But anyway, you know, I think people feel comfortable hating on us and it's fine. We get it. We can take it. We're superior. We're the patriots. We're the patriots.

Okay. That's all I had to say. I'm beat up about myself. Thank you. I'm glad it's over. Back to me. That's rude. Wait, one more thing.

Okay. What is it? I had to read you this. Okay. Footjob girl. We talk about her now officially every episode. Ashley is friends with her. I've followed her back.

She DMed me and said, I think my roommate is a more dramatic cancer than you. And this is a sign that hangs on their fridge. This is foot job girl's roommate. For one month a year, my powers are heightened, all caps. I am the almighty crier,

the over-emotional bitch, the extra clingy attention seeker. That's right, ladies. It's cancer season. My 21st cancer season. Here's to many, many mental breakdowns. this time legally drunk. Love Aaron. Oh, she wrote this. This is an original work of art. She posted it on their fridge in their home. Oh, like a piece of paper with duct tape, a black marker.

Warning is like a serial killer note. My powers are heightened. This is funny. Is that true though? Like if you're a cancer, you're like extra cancery in cancer season? I think so. Because it's your birthday, so you're emotional about that and she's turning 21. She's a lot of crying. You've cried already like three times today. You cried. I've cried. I was three for five minutes. You cried. My 21st birthday. Oh, my God.

I lost my ID going to the bar. I was on the street, like purse, strewed open, trying to find my ID. Corey had to wake me to the next morning to go to the DMV before we could go to to Secrets in Ocean City because I didn't have a license. Are you sitting on the curb? Sitting on the curb crying. Can't believe I lost my ID the night of my 21st. Because like we went out at midnight, obviously.

I mean, I've been going to those bars all the whole the whole time. I've been going since I was 18 in Dewey. But we went through like the rusty rudder at midnight and lost my D on the way there. I love a 20. 21-year-old drunk girl on the curb. On the curb. He's just can't find anything. She's crying.

Came home here. Top off the crying on the curb. Came home. Threw up on the futon. Reminds me of being a lala paloosa last summer. Teenagers strewn about the concrete. Yes. We saw a lot of crying teenagers.

Saw a lot of shit. Yeah. Okay. So that's all I have to say this week about cancers. My birthday's tomorrow. If you guys are listening to this on 8th, July 9th, 7-9, Raina has had quite a week. It's not even the weekend.

I can't put anything else in my body right now. I drank and ate a lot. I don't know. I had somebody around. I was planning all stuff for. I had somebody around. I had a gentleman caller. Yeah, that's all I care to say about him.

I plan like an epic three days. I am the best planner. Nobody loves New York more than I do. I did like all the stuff. I wanted a food tour. We went to Cheon famous foods, got noodles. Went to Prince Street pizza. We went to Veselka.

Oh, you know, to Prince Street? Oh, girl. We went to autos and got the gorgeous. Oregon tacos. We went to Veselka and ate everything on the menu. I went to Chinatown last night for dinner and walked around Little Italy. So cute. It was the, went on a North River lobster boat, which is a lot of boat cruise. Yeah. I tried to go to the comedy seller. I couldn't get in, but it's probably for the best. Yeah. But yeah, I did a lot of physical activity and a lot of eating, a lot of drinking. Yeah, when Raina says she can't put anything else in her body, you can read between

the lines. No, we're not going to give too much away. But yeah, you had you had a guy. I think He's wonderful. He's listening for sure. And you had a great time and you planned a great little New York. Yeah. He was like, do you talk about people on the show? I was like, no. I'm not going to.

Don't worry about it. They're defining details. Yeah. So that's all I have to say about that for now. You'll see him again. Maybe. We have a show in his city. Maybe.

She's going to be so mad of me. I'm going to be really coy about all this. You know, you're not trying to be coy. Like, you're not just, you know, you're just not out here trying to promote people that might, you know, do something terrible in a week. I don't know. Can you keep it close to the vest? Tell people enough. You had a great weekend with a dude.

We'll, you know, talk more if we have more. We need to. And then last night it was funny. So I live next, I live basically in the building over from Ashley's really good friend. So I was watching fireworks in my building on the roof. And I looked down at the building next to me and I see somebody in like a shiny red tank top. And she is screaming. Rana!

And it was Ashley and Dewey. You saw Dewey running around terrorizing. and everybody on this rooftop. Yes. And this guy on the roof next to me goes, I wish this girl would shut the hell up and stop ruining my experience. I'm like, oh, we all have to be quiet during the fireworks. I'm sorry, sure.

Are we at a hospital? Shut up. Are you serious? Be quiet during the fireworks. I hate when people passive-aggressively say to like their other part, I wish you would just shut the hell up. So you could ask me, now you're emboldening me to be louder. Oh my gosh.

But yeah, and then you were like, I see you. We were waving and then you came down. How did you drinks? Yeah, it was fine. It was a great. It was a great. I keep wanting to say weekend, but it's Friday. Fourth of July is one of those times.

I feel like fourth of July and then around the holidays when you're like, what the fuck day even is it? Absolutely. Like what, it's Friday right now. This feels very weird. I feel like I just had a full weekend, but now we have a weekend. And then it's my birthday. So I keep doing all this stuff and I keep being like, wow, it's like really like empty for

the weekend. I went to the Strand bookstore yesterday. I'm like, there's not how many people here for the weekend. It's Thursday. Well, because everybody's gone. I'm all fucked up. that is fun that you had a guy come visit when the city is kind of a little bit empty when people are gone for the fourth. That's kind of a nice time.

Like shit just isn't as crowded. You could actually get into Prince Street. You don't have to wait like an hour. No. There's only like 20 people online as opposed to like 200 people. They also have a like velvet robe. Isn't it so weird being in places you've only been drunk? Like Veselka's open 24 hours a day.

So I only go at three in the morning and Prince Street, too. Like I'm never sober at that place. That's the first place to me and you ever ate at, right? That was our first date in New York City. Spring Lounge. Yeah. And then Prince Street. I'm Prince Street.

Which is pretty much my favorite date ever anyways. That was our first date. You had a little thing going on with a guy, a very funny story. We're going to tell it at the end of the episode. Oh, right. Okay. So it's Friday the 5th as we record this intro for you guys. We're supposed to have a date tonight.

Or so I thought. I actually felt like I knew it wasn't going to happen. We're going to wait until the end of the episode because it goes with the game that we're going to play. But I will say that I match with this guy in Hinge. He's 6-9, which is the only criteria one needs. So it was really on brand for cancer season, 69, and my favorite temperature. And I, you know, make jokes about 60 now at the time.

We're supposed to go on a date with him. Loosely plan for Friday. I think it's 5.57. I don't think we're going on a date tonight. What do you think? He might turn up. You know, he seems like a good guy. Well, we're going to go through the text at the end of this episode.

So stay tuned. Yes. I'm really excited about it. Okay. So, yes. So I'm going to shift the mood a little bit. We're going to do our other PSA. This time, we're,

We have a fundraiser that we've set up, so we're going to tell you guys about it at the end. But I just want to speak on what is currently happening at our border. I'm sure a lot of you guys know that families that are trying to immigrate to the United States have been separated in terms of the children being ripped away from their parents or from their caretakers. When Trump put his zero tolerance policy in place last June, it was one of the most horrifying, despicable things I have seen that our government has done. And that was when babies and children of all ages were just being taken away from their parents when they tried across the border. So they've

walked that back a little bit, but it is still happening because there's so much fucked upness in this whole system that kids are still being taken from their parents for a multitude of fucked up reasons or their caretakers. And there's these kids that are in these attainment centers, thousands of them at the border. And they're living in these. And these horrible conditions. Kids are sleeping on concrete at night and they don't have enough food. They haven't showered in days. Kids as young as 18 months. Like babies. There's young mothers in there with babies. They're getting mistreated by the guards. Not all the guards, but there's been sexual abuse, verbal abuse, especially directed towards the girls. There was a story of a girl. I think it was a young

mom and there was no running water and one of the guards told her to drink out of the toilet. Some kids have tried to kill themselves. Like just to be imagined. and being taken away from your family and you're living in hell. And I know that the Obama administration deported plenty of people and there were kids that were in these centers that were unaccompanied minors that were brought across the border, blah, blah, blah. I know all of that. But families were not separated like this under previous administrations.

This nightmare is exclusive to Trump and the Republican Party, which I want to remind everybody, that is the pro-life party and the Christian party and the family-oriented party. They're the ones that are separating the families. and this is a really heartbreaking thing to share, but not everyone knows that seven of these children have died in federal custody in these camps since last fall. Seven innocent children have died in the hands of our government. And prior to that, we had no children die in the past 10 years. And I just don't want anybody to forget that the whole reason that their families are coming to

America is to make a better life for them and their children. And we just celebrated the 4th of July. and of course I had to be a Debbie Downer on the 4th of July and reminded everybody that your ancestors, unless they were Native Americans or they were African Americans who came over here enslaved, were immigrating here from another country. This is how we all got here.

This is how America was built. So when it comes to immigration, you're obviously entitled to your opinion, but regardless, kids shouldn't be at the border in cages wishing they were dead. So we're going to tell you about the final fundraiser now. We have chosen a charity that we are both really proud to support and we're going to set up our first fundraiser. The charity is called immigrant families together and they are really doing the work to

reunite these families. There's a lot that goes into it. There's bonds that need to be paid. There's transportation arranged and there's resources that these families need and even once they get reunited, they still need a lot to get settled. I have spoken with them. There are these women that started it just from the goodness of their hearts. They are not making a salary. They just want to help because they feel so passionately about this cause. And we just think it's really wonderful. So we don't have a goal here. We're going to put the fundraiser up and see what happens and see what you guys do.

This is something that we want to start doing to put our money where our mouth is as well. So $5 is a great amount. $1, $10, $20, $100, $69, whatever you got, tax deductible. And yeah, Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Click on charity. and that is going to be the beginning of Girls Gotta Give. So that's all I want for my birthday. That's all I want for, you know,

the country's birthday is for you guys to consider donating to really to help this cause. Raina can jump in. You're just doing such a beautiful job. I didn't want to. But, I mean, I, of course, agree with every single thing that Ashley says, and I'm 100% aligned on this message. But, you know, we know this is a comedy show,

but we also have a huge audience, and we know that you guys want to be informed know what's going on in the world. And just because it's a comedy show does not mean, we're going to pretend that these things are not going on in the world. So we know that you guys want to be informed and you're awesome. And like Ashley said, even if you guys donate a dollar, if every single person listens to this episode donates one dollar, we will raise hundreds of thousands of dollars. I just think it's a really important cause and I'm really, really proud to represent them. So yeah, you can go to our website,

girlsgotties.com, click on charity. You can donate right through that link. We'll do a swipe-up link in Instagram. And you guys can hopefully get behind this really great cause. Yeah, so, all right, yeah, immigrant families together. Girls got to give. And I love when Ashley gets really emboldened by a cause. Okay, guys, well, it's just us today. Yeah, we didn't even say that earlier. It's just us today, guys.

How do we forget? Okay, well, we're saying it now. I think we, like, breadcrumbed a little bit of this stuff throughout different episodes, but we never, like, hunkered down. We never, yeah. On, like, a boundaries and privacy episode. We never deep dove into it. I'm excited.

I am too. For a long time ago, we talked about, so anyways, anyways, today we're talking about privacy and boundaries to your relationship. And I think that we'll cover like, you know, sexual history, relationship history, poop stuff, lots of poop stuff. As soon as you said poop stuff yesterday, I was like, yes, we're doing this topic. I can't wait. I love poop.

All right. Remember the soup and poop intro? We talked about Hal and Hardy forever, right? Okay. Anyway. You guys have changed. I'm sexless, uh, relationship history. I think I already said that.

So I think that we talked a little bit about. this like in lots of different episodes. So I'm excited to talk more about all of it. Just really double down on how much privacy you should have, should give, should expect, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Sexless, man. Are you telling everybody how much, how much sex you've gotten? How much dick you've gotten? Well, yeah. So the question at hand is, does someone deserve to know how many people you've slept with? What do you do if someone asks you this? I'll just come right out and say it. I don't know how many people I've slept with. I didn't keep a list. Like, I've been having sex for 15 years. I'll come right out to it. I have a list and I don't want anyone known what that number looks

like. But if someone, like, that's like what I always say. It's like, well, I don't fucking know for one, but you don't deserve to know that. Like, I don't share that and I would never care about that with someone else. So it's different if you're like, well, I'm not telling, but I want to know yours. That's crazy. I mean, you can't be like that. You can be a hypocrite like that, but I just don't think it's necessary to share that kind of stuff. Yeah, I don't either. I mean, I think all these things we talk about today, like, yeah, if you're not willing to share something, then like, if the other person isn't willing to share it, then you shouldn't have to share it. Like, it should be reciprocal. But sex lists are different

to me than like relationship history or other types. Like, what's the difference? Like, it happened before I met you. It's not your business, really. As long as, like, I didn't, I don't know, maybe somebody wants to know if you were like a porn star before they met you. But other than that, Like, it's not, it's, who cares? I know. And I don't care what anybody else has done either. Yeah. Well, let me actually back up.

I don't want to sound like a total, I mean, whatever. I used to sleep with a lot of people in college. But yeah, it's been, it was, I just haven't kept a list. I want to like, whoa, you don't know. And I'm like, I don't know. Like, even if I step with four people every year for 15 years, I mean, that's 60 people. It could be more than that. It could be less.

I really, I don't know. That doesn't sound like that. A long time ago. I didn't fucking write it down in my composition notebook. We didn't have a 70. back then? Yeah, I didn't have 70. But I was thinking

He's barely barely existed back then. We saw a dial up. Like I don't know. I've never known how to use Excel. So, but here's what I was thinking about too. You and I are in our 30s and no one I've dated

seriously to semi-seriously in the past, I don't know, since I was really in my mid-20s has ever asked or cared. And I've the different. things that have happened have been, I remember one guy that was like, I want to believe that you've never slept with anybody before me. He wasn't like a crazy, jealous territorial person, but that was, he was like, I just don't even want to think about it. Of course, I don't want to know anything like that.

I don't want you to talk about your exes or who you've slept with anything like that. That was the way he was his M.O. My more serious ex. I had an idea of how many people he'd slept with. It was a whole lot less than me, but he didn't care that I'd slept with so many more people or so he assumed. He was funny. I mean, you know, he would see my comedy. I would joke about like my sluttier days and all this kind of stuff. Nobody I've dated has ever even broached that topic slightly. But when I was younger, I remember a guy that I was dating, maybe I was like 20, 21 and he asked me. And it didn't feel weird because it was like we, everybody had just kind of started having sex within the last few years when you're younger. It's like a hotter topic,

I guess. Like I remember when he asked me and I just was like, oh, I've seven, seven or it was eight. I don't know what the number exactly was. And I didn't feel weird about it. I was young. And then he told me, but I would never do that now. You're right, though. Like, why should a 32-year-old man care what I did when I did when I was 18? It's like when you're younger, it's almost more just curiosity. Right. Like, I don't care how many, the thought of even wanting to know how many people my girlfriends

have slept with would never even cross my mind. But I think when I was in my earlier 20s, you kind of talked about it more because it was like newer and you're younger. You know what I mean? I just think it's more interesting if somebody is a late bloomer and they didn't sleep with anybody. Somebody says, do you like, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25. I think that's interesting and you're like, well, why?

And I think that vice versa, I guess if somebody says to you, you know, I went through this horrible phase where I hated myself and I was sleeping with 25 guys every year. And like, I also think that's interesting. But like general sex history, like you don't need to know that like I had sex with a guy and it's frat house when I was 19. It's none of your business. It doesn't matter. And I don't care how many people someone else slept with either.

Right. And that's kind of, I think, how to tackle it. And again, that was in my head last night when I was thinking about this topic when we were discussing it, I was trying to just do the difference between younger 20s, older 20s, 30s, our age group. Because I just don't think it's as egregious when you're a younger and you're a younger dude. It's like a little just more curiosity. I could be wrong. A guy asked me that at this age, I'm very put off and weirded out and why do you want to know?

What on earth would something? I don't think any guy that I would match with would want to know that. It's a very weird thing to want to know. And I think if someone asked me, I would be like, I don't, do you think I need to that with you and I don't care about you either. Like, I think that's the way to shut it down. It's like, hey, I don't really love to discuss that. I really don't care about your past and I don't want you to ask me mine.

I like knowing my person that I'm dating lost of virginity. Well, I think that's just an interesting thing to talk about. Okay, here's what I would say at this age. If I was just, if I happened to like be at a bar on a date with somebody, maybe you're like, you know, ninth, tenth, date. You're clearly like into each other and it comes up. Yeah. I think that what I would be comfortable sharing is I've had enough sex.

I've had long-term relationships. I was happy in. I've had periods where I was single and I felt like I sewed my wild oats. I've had enough sex. I've experienced things. I feel like I am all filled up. Like I feel good about my sexual history. The number is irrelevant. Yeah. And I think that's all I care about my partner either. Do you feel sexually satisfied? Like I dated somebody, the person I was engaged to had only slept with one person before me. Whatever? Ever. He, well, we started dating. We were young. We were like, he was two and a half years younger than me when we started dating. He was 22 and we started dating. Oh my God.

And he had been with some girl all through high school and college. Oh, wow. And I remember, like, that is a red flag. It was a red flag. And I said, when we started hooking up, I kept saying to him, I think you should sleep with other people. Like, I genuinely wanted him to fuck other people because of course, the day he broke up with me and the list of other things he broke out.

He was like, I just feel like I never got to sleep with other people. And I was like, did I not tell you this? Yeah. And let me clarify, red flag. I'm here at my age. It's a red flag for me, but not so much at 22. You can't call that a red flag. I just want to clarify.

It felt like a red flag to me. To somebody you might want to marry. Yeah. Yeah. And whatever. Lots of people have only had sex with one or two people. And they're fine with it. They're fine with it.

But I would just want to feel personally like I felt fulfilled sexually. My partner felt fulfilled. And we're all good. Yeah. I think that's important. And what's your STD situation? I mean, that's important. And that is something you can ask it whenever you want.

You can ask it before you sleep with somebody, before you sleep with them. Raw dog. Like, whatever, wherever that feels comfortable. and you were always welcome to know that. I don't think you need to know someone's SDD history. That's very weird. I mean, if they have something that was curable, fixable, then it's over.

Why do you need to know that? But as far as like, what's the situation right now? Yeah, you're always welcome to that information. But I mean, if some guy was hounding me for how many people I've slept with, A, I don't know, B, you aren't the guy for me. Why? What is so weird about you that you need to know this information? But I would want to know if someone had slept with only a few people.

it would concern me because if someone I'm going to date somebody now, it might be somebody that I'm going to end up with in the long haul or long term or not. I mean, but I am kind of looking for that, ish. And I would be like, I don't know if you've gotten around enough. Like I remember a girlfriend of mine, a girlfriend of hours. I'm not going to say her name, but I think she did really want to know how many people her ex had slept with. And she asked, and it was like a whole lot. And she kind of wished she had never asked.

That's interesting. Like hundreds. I will talk about this a little more later, but I genuinely think that you should never ask questions you don't want the answer to. Because like, what if that's the answer? Yeah. And then like what you're going to be mad at the person? Are you going to be upset?

You're going to feel insecure that they've seen 150 vaginas. Mm-hmm. Like you got to be ready for that answer. Yeah. Can't be upset. And I love what you said too, though, about being just fulfilled. Do you feel like, I don't know who's what guy or whoever is really going to admit that they don't feel like that. But I still think if you're in a couple of,

committed relationship with open communication, you can ask that. Because if you're in your 20s and you do date somebody that they've only slept with one or two people and you are concerned, like, do you feel like sexually fulfilled? Like, I think that's a question you were allowed to ask anybody at any time. If this is somebody you see as a long-term partner, I don't really know what the solution is. Like, okay, we'll go unfuck some people. But I don't really know the answer. It would concern me a little bit. Yeah. And different ages, this is like a weird question for different ages. Like, when we had Mike and Mike on the show and they had both been with girls, the same women that they married for a very long, our first question for both of them was, have you

ever slept with other people? Yeah. So I'm just curious. And it didn't alarm me at 22. I just felt like he had just, what was more concerned to me is he had just gotten out of a relationship. Yeah, and I just felt like, you should go out and like fuck some people because it was clear that we were going to be together. And I just wanted him to like feel like he had stuck it to a couple people. Yeah. At this age, like if I met somebody at like 32 and they had only slept with one or two people, I'd be very extremely curious as to why.

That sounds probably like somebody who is maybe religious, which is not a great match for me. Yeah, I mean, I guess there's like a myriad of reasons, but. And again, differences can work out, but probably the reasons are going to be problematic with me for some reason. Like I'm so vastly different, you know. Mm-hmm. I just, I don't know, I kind of like that somebody has really figured out a road map a little bit of what they like.

Like, I mean, I'll test things out with you, but like, it's kind of cool if you already know, like, what you like on your menu. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I was talking to this guy the other day and I just, I like, I really like giving blow jobs and he was like, I just, it's not like my favorite thing. Like, like, I would prefer to like give than receive. And I was like, okay, well, we don't have the same. We're not at the same restaurant, buddy. I think, I think the guy that I dated in college. and then years after we were always back and forth long distance. Like, I really don't think he slept with many people and it shows. And I just, I hope for his wife's sake that he got it in somewhere. I hope I taught him a thing or two, but man, that was bad.

And I think when we first, like, had sex in college, I remember being like, whoa, what? How do you not know these things? Uh-huh. And it was, yeah, that was definitely concerning. Some people, look, I know one couple in particular that I'm thinking of. and, like, she has not slept with that many people, and he has slept with a lot of people. I think he really pushed her boundaries

and, like, taught her a lot of things. And even though she has slept with probably, like, six people in her whole life, they have a great sex life because, like, they were able to explore together and have that dialogue from the beginning, like Ian Kerner said when we had them on the show, like, you got it from the beginning, create that dialogue between you. It doesn't mean you will have terrible sex

if you only had sex with two people, three people. But, like, you've got to be ready to take that journey together. Absolutely. And also, I think a lot of it is not necessarily like you need to have sex with a bunch of people to have a fulfilling marriage and fulfilling sex life with a long-term partner. I think that it's more curiosity. And I don't know that women feel that way as much as men. Like, I've had so much bad sex.

Like, I would trade in so many of those people. Like, I don't care at all. I could, if I had great sex with one person, I could sleep with that person for the rest of my life. like I'm down for that. Like, if I were to end up with somebody right now, even five years ago, I would have never felt like I was missing out on more terrible one-night stands. I'll get rid of 25 of the people I've ever slept. Yeah.

I just want to say, if you haven't slept with a lot of people and you found someone that you match with, I wouldn't be worried about settling down with this person and only fucking them for the rest of your life because what you just missed out on a bunch of terrible sex. That's so true. You're so right. I think it's more just curiosity. Men have that.

Men have it way more. Like the grass is greener. Yes. You know, what haven't I tried? It's like if you have great sex with somebody and you're comfortable with them and you're going to try a bunch of kinky stuff, like you're winning. Absolutely. I love it. You said that.

It's like, well, men are like I should have to be inside of every pussy. I guess. And that is just not all men are like that. And some are. And you've got to figure out which kind you got. Because I definitely didn't feel like that with my past long term relationships and guys that I was committed to. I did not feel that like they still want to fuck other chicks. Like I feel like they were great.

We were great. Yeah, I've never felt like that except for the one guy that was fucking other chicks the whole time we were together. Oh my God. And he was weird in bed. But yeah, I mean, personally,

I will take long term, let's figure each other's bodies out more than like random. Like let's just rack up the numbers. No, God, no. Like I've never had good sex with somebody the first time we fuck. God, no, no. I mean, like average.

I'm passionate a little bit. Yeah. But like, you, okay, so I'm going to give like real life advice for a younger person. When you're, if you're late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 50s, you don't fuck out of here. The we have people of all ages. It's just the, no, I'm just saying about 50 year olds carrying around their sex list with them. I'm sorry.

Okay. We just went off the rails. If you are closer to our age and somebody needs to know how many people you slept with, I say run. Fuck that person. Fuck that person. Hit him with the Ashley Hustonterter. bonds, I don't fucking know. Do you know, nerd? I love what you call people a nerd.

A fucking nerd. What do you got in your pocket? Your list in your pocket with your pocket protector. So, but if you're, I don't know, what if you're younger? You're 22, like I was or 21, whatever it was. When that guy asked me that, I didn't feel offended at all. I just blurted it out. But you really don't want to share. I want to give them the language and the tips to be like, what do they say? Listen, I think that everybody has different boundaries about everything. And just because there's a boundary does not mean that you're being secretive or decept or deceitful. It's just, it's just a boundary. And it's, and like there can be a boundary for a lot of reasons. I didn't have that boundary at that age. I think I just slept with like a normal amount of people

by the time I was 22, like just an average amount. And so I guess I would have felt comfortable sharing it. But I think that it is perfectly fine saying like, I have had enough experience that I'm comfortable with and I don't know that I need to. I'm STD free. Yeah. If you are. If that's what they're worried about. And they're just asking in a convoluted way. But I don't know. I also feel like probably people that are listening that are younger may not have as much problem sharing. But I don't know.

I still want to give people the tools. And I think it's fine to be like, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that. I don't want to know that about you. You know, can we just kind of like shut this conversation down? I don't really understand the point. Like I haven't been with 100 dudes. That's not something you need to worry about. But that's just kind of like, I'm not trying to keep secrets from you, but that's a boundary for me.

I think you can also make it clear. Like, yeah, I'm not hiding this for you because I'm afraid I'm going to tell you a number and you're going to be horrified. Yeah. It's just like I'm allowed to have some secrets. I'm a person. You're allowed to have some secrets too. Like you're allowed to also have that boundary. Right.

And then I think that if you're not ready to have the, you know, I have an STD, I've had an STD conversation. I think that you can also, and we did this on our STD episode. Yeah. Say, I'd like to use condoms. That my sexual history is that, you know, I don't know what you have. And I'm comfortable doing this with. condoms. You don't need to like, look, some people will demand your sexual history. And that's fine too. Demand your sexual history. No, like your STD history. Oh, SDD. Yeah. If somebody, like,

look, there are some people that, like, some that are like, I need to, I want to know if have you had HPV? Have you had herpes? What is just your STD history in general? That is super fair to want to know that from somebody. And I think that there's a certain, there's definitely a way to discuss those things. Yeah. For sure. And we did an entire episode on this where we talked about how to disclose to your partner that you have herpes or another STD. So you guys can obviously listen to that. We had a great professional come and talk to us about this stuff and take away the stigma surrounding it and all that kind of stuff.

So you can listen to that episode for that whole conversation. It is called STD's, UTIs, IUDs, and STDs and DUIs for Ashley. Wait, what if someone needed to know my DUI history? I'm like, listen to the podcast. This is a topic that we I don't think have covered. I want to talk about like revealing your past relationship history because I think people, a lot of people's partners like really hammer them for this stuff. And like what do you have to share and how much and how much did you expect somebody to share?

Right. It's so interesting. When people are demanding to know stuff, that's their own insecurities for one. And I think a lot of it is them projecting on you and if needing to know if you ever cheated because they've been cheated on and they want to make sure they're not going to go down the road again or needing to know these things. And I don't know.

Those people need to check themselves. Like I think this stuff comes out eventually. Like people that I've dated seriously, of course I know all their relationship history. I know all of their exes, names, Instagram handles, you know, who they're with now. I'm kidding. I'm just such a stalker.

But no, I mean, it comes out in a relationship. Like if someone's totally unwilling to talk about their past relationships, it's a little fishy. It'll come out eventually, I think. I've never needed to, like, sit down and have a historical state of the union. Yeah, exactly. Well, first of all, I already know all your exes. I already look them up on Instagram.

But, like, aside from that, you know, I think it's, I think it's very interesting to listen to somebody tell you why they broke up with people in the past and what we're wrong, because, I mean, personally, I think it's an interesting indicator of what will happen between you and the person. But I think that that should naturally come up. I keep going back to this, like, privacy versus secret keeping. And, like, is the thing that the person is keeping from you, is it something that if you found out,

would you feel like they were hiding something from you? Yes. That's a good indicator. Like bar. And I think that like a level of intimacy occurs between two people when you share your past and of course like breakups are painful and you share those things.

You do feel a deeper level of intimacy with somebody. And I've never like sat down and been like, I need the list. But it's come up. Yeah. But I think that you also need to respect like a certain like level of boundaries is also healthy. So like, I don't know, sort of treading the water. And yeah, I like what you always say,

we should, like, give people takeaways, we will. But, like, I guess that's a lot to sort of, like, swallow and think about. But you have, people just do this stuff in their own time. I'm on a first date with somebody. And if he straight up is like, why'd you and your ex breakup? I'd be, like, because of this. And I would share. I don't care at all. I'm just not that, I'm not a private person, clearly. But some people wouldn't feel comfortable. And I just think, yeah, if you're months into a relationship and you don't know what happened in your person's last relationship, I think it's a little bit of a red flag, but I think a lot of this stuff is just like being patient because everybody is built differently.

But I love what you said is, does it feel like you're like keeping a secret? But people have dark secrets and people have slipped up and done things in their past that they're not proud of. And I think people change and evolve. And some of the stuff I did at 25, I'm not the same person at all. So if you're going to ask me, it's weird. I would never do the shit I did back then. Genuinely, I've grown up.

I just, I have more compassion. I have more of a conscience. I don't know. So that gets a little tricky too. It's tough to be like, yeah, I did this terrible thing, but I've changed. I don't know. But I think, okay, so cheating, I think is probably the number one thing that people are like, I'd want to know cheating.

And, you know, was somebody engaged before or married? But I think cheating is the number one thing that we used to do this in a live show where we would talk about like once a cheater, always a cheater. And what we would talk about is like, you know, it just depends on how the person discusses the cheating. Right. And how they feel about it now? And are they ashamed of it?

Was it when they were 22? I don't want to keep, like, hammering 22-year-olds. I'm just saying like the things you do at 22 don't carry as much weight as when you're a little bit older sometimes. Yeah. It's not a nice way to behave. But like, yeah, I mean, it depends on how the person talks about it. Totally. You know, how ashamed are they?

What are the circumstances? And if somebody's brave enough to share those things with you, then I would at least be open to the conversation. Yeah. And I just love, this is one of my favorite things that you say about cheating in general is how do they talk about it? It means the world, you know, because every circumstances. different. I don't know. Have they broken up with everybody they've dated because they've cheated? They're going to cheat on you. Did they cheat on you when they met you? Were they cheating on their person then? They're probably going to cheat on you. Like that happened to me. That guy started

dating. He was cheated on his girlfriend with me and then he cheated on me. Like, hello? And then I went to his wedding. It's whatever. But like I, yeah, it's how they speak about it. Are they flippant about it? I was on a date with this guy. Over a second or third date. And he, I mean, we had hung out socially before anyway. So it wasn't weird that we were talking about his past relationships, but he said that he had lived with three girls. I mean, he's like a 36-year-old man, so it's not, I guess that crazy. He lived with three girls, and he said all three of those relationships ended pretty soon after he moved in with them because he basically partied a lot, which I sort of assumed

meant a lot of either drugs or cheating or both. And he said it in such a flippant way, like, oh, yeah, as soon as we moved it together, they thought they could change me, but then they couldn't. And I was like, okay, well, this person's giving me a piece of information and they don't seem super remorseful about it. Exactly. I'm all set. Yeah. I don't need this.

But, okay, so I had a situation with a cheating thing. And like, look, I cheated on somebody that I really loved. And I'm not proud of it. It's something that, I mean, it was premeditated. I don't feel good about it. I feel terrible about it. I was much younger. But it's something that I feel a lot of shame and remorse for.

And it's not something I'd ever admitted to anybody else. And so my next boyfriend, him and I had been together for maybe like a year at this point. And we were talking about, past relationships and we'd never really super gotten into why he had broken up with his ex. And he told me that she cheated on him. And what a monster she was. And how terrible she was. And I felt like we were in this very safe space. And so I told him what had happened. And I said, you know, I did this. And I don't think that I'm a monster. I think I was really unhappy. And I learned that it's number one, it's not a solution to your problems. You know, I learned

that it didn't make me feel better. It didn't make anything better in my current relationship by cheating on him. I felt terrible. It was horrible. It was horrible. It was hard for me to let him ever be nice to me. It's not something I would ever do again. That's how I feel about the cheating. And I felt comfortable telling him that because I felt terrible about it. Right. Yeah. But I felt like he really punished me for telling him that. Wow. And it's just, things were just like not really the same for a while. Yeah. And I just, it's a shame when you do open up to feel like you've been punished for it. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I tried to talk about in a way that it seemed remorseful. I guess I can't blame him for being mad at me about it.

It's just a bummer because it was, I was like, that was his shit. He'd been cheated before, you know? Well, when I told you that story, your first question was, had you been cheated on before? Yeah. This also goes into every other aspect. Have you been married before? Have you been engaged before? We can talk about that with you.

Do you have kids? Like, everyone is bringing what they've dealt with in the past into their current relationship. It's really hard not to. You know, you can say all day, like I'm not going to let the past affect the present in the future, but it's really difficult not to bring your baggage into a new relationship, just even subconsciously.

And so I think, you know, if there's a woman or a man that has a kid and it's been a turnoff to partners or people that they've dated in the past. Like that's why they're not bringing it up. And you might not care at all. But it gets tricky when you start doing the math when you're like when somebody tells you that they were, I don't know, married before, had a kid before, some sort of quote unquote secret or something about them. And you think back to the first four dates you went on them when you're like, they've been omitting this purposely. Like they have had many chances when this should have come up and they just omitted it. And you feel like you've been lied to or deceived. And I don't,

I don't really know the answer. I'm just kind of like, this is who I am up top. If I had a kid, you'd hear about him on the first date. Well, the kid thing is the only thing I can imagine that, like,

yes, I mean, I've been engaged before I don't bring it up on dates all the time. But like, yeah, a kid is the thing that like,

if it doesn't come up. I mean, Chris DiStefano, we both talk to him like every other day. Like, it comes up in every conversation. Yeah, it's his world.

Yeah. So like, it would be very weird to me if somebody was like a full-time parent or a part-time parent and I was on three dates with them, it just never came up. Here's my question for you.

I don't really know that I know this about you. When do you bring up the engagement thing? Does it just come up whenever? Well, now if they listen to this, they know. But have you in the past, even before this, before her life was out in the world on the internet? Been more hesitant to bring it up? This has changed a lot as I've gotten further away from the situation.

In the very beginning, I was humiliated. I thought nobody had ever been through this before. I thought that it would open up this giant Pandora's box of like what happened. And then I would just like descend into craziness of hours long. You know, it was this and this and this. And you're just like really talking about all this depressing shit. And I thought that it was this horrible scarlet letter. Today I'm able to just really look back and say, you know, we weren't a great fit.

We weren't a great fit. Money wise, education wise, whatever. We had different views for our future. And I can sort of just leave it at that. I used to struggle with not wanting to make it sound like no big deal, but also not wanting to make it sound like it was too big of a deal. And so now I think it comes up a little more naturally than it used to. I used to feel like I had to have like the talk with people.

Yeah. But I think this is like a common thing that happened. So I don't know. I think it would be odd if I was on like a 10th date with somebody and it didn't come up. But like it was like four years ago. I know. It was a while back. You know?

And I think it would be weird if I was like, I got to tell you. Yeah, and you're not dramatic like that anyway. Yeah. So I don't know. I guess it depends on the person and it depends on the scenario. Like it could come up on a first date. And I don't ever want to sound flippant about it. I don't ever want to have somebody ask me and me be like,

well, I was engaged, like whatever. Like, I don't want to sound like I don't care. And like that wasn't really important and incredibly painful to me because I want people to know that like if we have a long-term relationship, I'm not going to act like it's no big deal to me either. Yeah. I would talk about it on a first date, I guess, if somebody brought it up. But I think I'm much more of the vocabulary today.

to talk about it in a way that's heavy but not too heavy. I don't care at all if someone's been engaged before. Broken engagements are so common. And I, if someone came to me that I was dating or that I was seen and they're like, I got to tell you something. I was engaged before. And I'd be like, so? You broke up.

Like, what happened to the ring? I'm always curious. I love people's, I love to hear about. I love the drama. But I love what you said. You're not flipping about it. Somebody brought it up to me on a first date in a way that it was so uncomfortable. I don't know if I ever told you about this.

This was some guy we had mutual friends from college, and he had also had a broken engagement. And I guess she must have told him, he was like interested in going out with me, whatever, we were on a date. But I guess she must have told him like, oh, you and Raina have so much in comic because you both have these like broken engagement. And I'm not looking to be in like the broken engagement clubhouse. Yeah.

Like I don't need to commiserate over this. Yeah. I don't need to talk about it. And he like brought it up first date. He was like, I mean, I know you had a broken engagement. I had a broken engagement. And then he, like, descended into talking about it, like, a lot. You guys were at a therapy session?

Yes, on a boat. But that was almost her fault. You know, like, she connected you guys via that tidbit. So he was like, we can connect over this. I guess, but like, I don't want to connect. He was hot. And you were the therapist. He talked about his therapist.

He talked about how his family was reacting to it. He talked about why they broke up. He cheated on her, by the way. And I, again, don't want to know that on a first date. Yeah. I don't ever want somebody to tell me about cheating on a first date. Yeah. Like, I think that that is like a, let's sit down in a private space.

when we were very intimate and then you tell me about it. I don't want to hear that your fiance left you because you cheated on her. I don't want to commiserate over it. It was uncomfortable and weird and I think that it was like too soon. Like we could commiserate over anything. He was super hot. We could commiserate over fucking anything. I don't want to talk about your engagement.

Yeah. I just think in general, like the question is always, did you have to mindfully keep this for me in other conversations that we've had? because that would bother me a little bit and make me a little skeptical of like, okay, you have the ability to just like leave things out what you're talking to me that should have been there. But I think deep dark secrets, I don't know, an ex of mine, we were pretty serious. And he kind of had like a deep dark secret.

And we've been dating for four months, like super in love and everything like that. And I just remember like having a really good day with him. And then he was like, there's just something I haven't really told you about myself. and I was like, oh my God. And I'm not going to tell it, but it was kind of this thing that he felt like it was this one piece of his life that was pretty important. That was pretty dark. And, you know, maybe for a girl, it could be comparable to like.

Assaulted? Assaulted. Something like that. Like something along those lines. And I was like, thank you for telling me. It was like, it was this thing of like he had obviously wanted to tell me because we were becoming like a serious couple. And he like sat me down and it was just made us like even closer that he felt comfortable

to tell me that. But I felt like it was this thing that he was embarrassed about. that was kind of defining too of his past and it took a long time to come out, you know. Yeah, but I think that, I mean, past trauma. Past trauma is what it was, exactly. Issues with parents, issues with sexual trauma, abuse. Like, that's not something you omit. Like, if I was on a date with it, if somebody omits their children, yes, five dates in,

nobody mentions they've been married before. I think it's a little odd. Yeah. But like, why did you break up with your ex? I don't know. I don't know that needs to come up. Yeah. It's not a lie.

Right. It didn't impact your life. Right. What if somebody was on like a 10th date with you and they didn't ever mention that they'd been married? Would that be on? I guess, you know what? To me, I think it would depend on when they were married because if it was 10 years prior,

I don't know. Right. Like, I feel like it's one of those things of that was a different life they lived. Like, you know, what it is also is like they're not, are they still experiencing the trauma from the fallout? Exactly. Like, I have a girlfriend, one of my good girlfriends that, like, was married. And I barely remember, like, when she jokes, when she says something about her ex-husband,

I have a couple girlfriends that were married. It was their different life. And so I guess maybe they would bring it up more with a romantic partner because you're, like, on the road to marriage, you could be. But it's so part of their long ago past, like, my one friend that I'm thinking of, that came up after we'd been friends for a while. And she casually brought it up, like, threw it. in a conversation. I was like, wait, what? Like, it was just, so

I don't know how weird it is. I guess it's not, I mean, absolutely. It's just, it's proximity to the experience. So like, in the first year after my fiance and I broke up, I thought it was pertinent to bring it up. I was still suffering from it. It was still very much, you know, it's hard to get past something that lasted almost four years. His furniture was still in my apartment. Like, it was hard to move past these things and it was, I had to constantly train myself, this isn't that person. This isn't, and yeah, it was, important now.

Who cares? Right. I'm not still experiencing anything about that. Yeah. I could see a most shirt. I don't care. I mean, I did see a most straight the other day. I don't care.

Exactly. All right. Well, I think we like beat this to death as far as. I think it's so interesting. People's past. Yeah, no, in a good way. Yeah, I do too. And I think at the end of the day,

and this can kind of like transition right into what we're going to talk about next. Like everybody is different in their levels of privacy, when they share stuff, when they open up. Like, I think that was just such a thing that I had to, learn as I grew up in and out of romantic relationships is that people don't operate like you. You know, like you have to understand that everybody's built differently. Everybody has their own baggage and their own shit and they just do things on their own time. And I think that we're going to talk about privacy in terms of like phones and passwords and things like that. But

privacy in terms of like your stuff, your technology and your drawers and your closet and all these things. Everybody is so different. And I was reading this article and this guy had such a great take on it that I love that he was like, I grew up with a bunch of brothers and sisters. Everybody was in everybody's shit. Everybody knew everybody's secrets. There was zero privacy. Had five brothers and sisters. People are coming into my closet, taking my clothes. Like no privacy whatsoever. And my wife is an only child. And she is so private. And she gets weird if I like getting her stuff. And so I think that it's how you got to keep that in mind too. And I think it's a conversation like we say, the theme of this podcast, have the conversation. Like what are people's boundaries? What is their level of

privacy. How do they view privacy? Because I can see a situation like that where you were just brought up so differently that and people are just generally more private and less private depending on what they've experienced. And I think that's something to always keep in mind that not everybody's built like you. You are so right. I love that you said that. It's so true. Like I think about myself, I'm Jewish. We're a very Mediterranean culture. Everything is in the open. Like everybody's just all of each other's shit all the time. Each other's emotional shit, physical shit. It's just We're just all in there, but not everybody's families like that at all. Like people's families don't even share stuff.

Stuff's taboo, you know, to talk about even sex or people just grew up in a different household when it comes to privacy and stuff and things like that, you know? I think the thing that's like probably the most pertinent is like how much privacy should I have over my partner's cell phone and their passwords. Yeah. And we talk about it a lot and like, what is it okay to Snoop? And like, I mean, I'll be the first person to say that like I don't like that the same rules apply to me that they apply to my partner.

Self-proclaimed, hypocrite. Yes. I mean, look, I'm the first person who admitted. I'm like, I want all the passwords. I want all the access to everything. I want you to have none of it. And that's just how I want it to be. I think that's everybody on earth. Like, we're all like that at our core. Thank you. Thank you for giving. Yeah. No, give me your password, but you, no, you can't have mine. What are you going to do? I wanted to feel like that with money, too. Yeah. Give me, I need your money, but you can't have mine.

feminism. Like Michelle Wolf. I'm not a pay for my own drinks, feminism. Okay, phone passwords. Phone passwords. I mean, phone passwords. Start there. I mean, all I know is how I was in my last couple relationships.

And like in my last couple relationships, and I think this is ideal, I had all their passwords, they had all of mine. I never for one minute felt like using them. It was just like we were taking a car trip and somebody texted me and I would be like, hating my texting them back. I didn't care that they had my password. It wouldn't have mattered.

I've never been in a very serious relationship other than like the first relationship I had in New York where he was cheating on the time where I just didn't, it just wasn't like a thing. And I think that that's the dream. Right. It's all about convenience. Like I put my, like, back. I mean, I need to put my face in your phone, but like in the fingerprint days, your phone before this. I put my fingerprint in your phone. Because I'm like, I'm going to need to get in there a lot. You know, like we're always on the road together. Like, and the same, we need to do the face thing later after we would stop recording. But we are always together. It's like, Raina, can you text this person back? Like I was just on a road trip with Meryl, Dewey. And I'm like, oh, can you text this person back? I don't really

do voice texting. So she just, I would give anybody my password. And I, the most solid relationships I know, honestly, this across the board, because I've asked, because I'm out of curiosity or it's come up. The most solid relationships, marriages, specifically marriages, I know, or engaged couples, you know, like Robin Allison. Yeah, they all know. their partner's passwords. Like Rob's like, I can't, Rob, my face is in Rob's phone. He's like, I don't have to deal with fucking, you need to get in my phone or change the song or the music or do whatever. And I have to yell at the password or whatever. He's like, yeah, I'm, you're, like, because he has nothing to hide. And I, I truly believe that. I have another couple

that I love, my friend Heather and her husband John. They're the same way. They're like, there's nothing in there for him to see. Like, it just makes it more convenient. Like, you've got to wonder why someone doesn't want you to have it. If you're in a long-term relationship of somebody, yes. There's no reason. I'm, first, I have one password and I have one passcode. guess it, then you can have every... It's my bank code, it's my phone code, it's the same password for everything. It is 6, 7, signal.

It's not. Or maybe it is. I just can't... I mean, ideally, you just don't have relationships with people where that would come up and be an issue. I would hope they wouldn't abuse it. Yeah. But they're not going to find anything in there anyways. I think at the beginning of relationships, like, you know, a lot of men and women,

there could be people texting. you from the past, you're a little more careful. A few months in, I don't think people going to be given on passwords, when you're in that long-term relationship, like, it's a little weird, but at this, at the end of the day, we've talked about this before, it all boils down to how they are with their phone. I think how someone is with their phone is the biggest indicator of what they're doing and how they are. And the biggest red flag of all is if the behavior changes. And I did notice that in a past relationship of mine where when we started dating, his phone was out all the time.

You know, I could get in it, whatever. He would, I mean, I don't think I had a fingerprint in there, but he would tell me his passcode if I had, you know, if I needed to do something or whatever, if we were on a road trip, whatever it was. And then it just stopped. It was that he was bringing his phone. He basically was like spooning it at night.

He was bringing it into the bathroom. And every time he went in there. And you got it, I'm sorry, across the board nine and a half times out of ten, something's going on. If somebody used to be really open with their phone and now they're kind of hiding from you. So I'm skeptical of anybody that doesn't just leave their phone hanging out. Like if, if you,

has to see a guy that he has to make sure you don't have access to that phone. It's on the counter and he swipes it away. Like something's going on. He's not trustworthy person or she. I agree. I mean, I can't imagine a scenario where it would be the opposite. I think you know your partner. Look, I'm the kind of person. My phone is always in my hand. I'm always communicating with you every second of every day. I'm on Instagram every second of every day. I take it into the bathroom to shit with me because otherwise I'm reading the back of soap bottles. Yeah. And like, I'm just bored. But like, you know what your partner does. And if there's an immediate shift in that behavior, then yeah, something's probably going on.

Yeah. Unless one caveat, I got to say this, if they're planning something for you, so women and men, I guess, you know, I don't want to just put it on one, one gender, one sex. I think we have tendency to be a little bit more dramatic. I know I do. And if a guy all of a sudden as acting secretive and you're in a good place, he could be planning something for you. So just be wary. I was dating somebody one time and I message pops up in your computer. You know what I mean? and I was on his computer doing something, and he got really weird. And he was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh my God, he's cheating on me.

You know, like, and I glanced before he came over and glanced at a text that he had with somebody that said, like, it was like planning a trip for us. Like, luckily I saw it because I was able to shut down my crazy thoughts. And like, come to think of it, we never wanted that trip. But anyway, like, I think that if you're like planning, if it's around your birthday, if maybe he's proposing, I mean, guys can be secretive for weeks, months at a time if they're planning on proposing. So if you're solid in every other way and you feel like he's been a little secretive,

just to have that in the back of your mind. Don't always jump to conclusions. I just had to throw that in. No, I mean, you're either getting cheated on or getting engaged. At all times. Anytime you feel weird, you're either going to definitely get dumped or spend the rest of your life with the person as a rule. What do you think about email passwords? No one's getting my email password. I don't know what it is. There's no need for you to ever get in there.

Like, I've never deleted an email in my life. My entire world is in there. I just can't imagine a scenario that anyone needs that. And then my email password is my password for everything. You know, like that's where all my passwords lie the same. For some reason, it feels really private to me, and that is a boundary for me. And I just don't need anybody in there. Like, if my computer's open and my email's open and I need you, I just, I don't know.

It feels really, my phone, if I'm dating somebody, I probably don't have anything to hide. if we're in a committed, I don't have anything to hide if we're in a committed relationship. Like, you can do whatever with my phone, but there's something about my email. I just, I'm like, if somebody wanted that, I would really question why. I don't know what makes it more convenient for anything. Like, I don't, I don't need, you don't need all those things. I think that's a good point. Also, you're married, you're sharing financial stuff.

I can't, I can't imagine any other thing. I'm sure my mom and my dad have their email passwords or not. I don't really think it matters and I don't like it. I think that's fair to say it's a boundary. I mean, also we conduct all of our business. I mean, I would feel weird. I mean, you and our business partners, I'd feel weird if your boyfriend had our email password.

Yeah. I'm, I also think that with smartphones today, there's no need for it. Like, why would somebody need my email password? Like, you can send, like, you have your own smartphone with your own email address. Like, you could send an email if you need to send an email. I can't imagine a scenario, like, it's DefCom 5 and somebody just needs my email password. Like, why? Yeah.

What do you need that for? No. No. Sorry. Yeah, that's where I draw the line. But again, I want your email password. I mean, listen, in every perfect world, like, everybody would act perfectly, but I'm just going to be like the first person to say, like,

I want to snoop on you and I don't want you to be able to snoop on me. Yeah, I think that's being a human. That's just being a human being. And that is what I'm like. And if you don't tell me your password, I'm going to find it out anyway. Oh, my God. But I will say the only person I ever needed to find it out about was the only one that was clearly cheating on me.

Yeah. My last two boyfriends, I never ever in a million years wanted their passwords for anything. Right. The other one, I went like a crazy person. I mean, I had to get it. He was sent on like Facebook messages to people. Facebook messages? Oh, yeah. Emails. I know. I mean, and that was the thing that like that one guy that I talked to this before in the episode, the one time I snooped, this was the guy that I dated for years on and off long distance. Like, I don't know what it was that he just said his email password one time in a conversation. And you wrote it down. It was soccer.

I just already knew about. No numbers. Just. Soccer. Oh, my God. I never realized how stupid that was. Soccer. I mean, he played soccer. Changing our passwords to Ashley, one, two, three. I dare you to guess it.

So, and I've talked to this that I had a premonition, like, literally popped up out of bed. I had this weird feeling that something was going on right, the weekend right before he was about to come visit me and we were going to, like, reunite. And went in there, soccer. And right at the top. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Not even a number.

Not even his soccer number. Like, why isn't it soccer 78? Why is it just soccer? Or Ronaldo or something. Like the name of a player. That's right. I mean, is that we pretty much covered it as far as like your stuff. I mean, yeah, at the end of the day, like,

someone doesn't want to hand over their phone password to you, but they're pretty chill with their phone being out and a bad. I wouldn't worry too much. You know, you'll probably get it eventually. This is one of those things. Probably get it eventually. It's a long game. It's a long con. Every time I want to actually do anything, it's a long game. You just got to wait around. It just boils down to those people having like, you don't know what someone dealt with before. Like it probably comes from a place of somebody went through their ship before or whatever it is. Like I think in those instances, like just always just be a little bit patient. But if someone's acting shady and their phone has to be on their

person at all times and they're fucking sleeping with it under their pillow, like you should wonder what's going on. Definitely snoop that. You know what I think is crazy. People that have the entire text pop up on the phone. I think that is wild. I hope everybody knows that's a setting you don't have to have. My mom doesn't know that. Yeah, my mom. Like when I'm in my mom's heart, the entire text pops up and I just will like read it out loud. Like that is a crazy. I mean, those people have nothing to hide. If someone has that setting, they're a faithful person. Or they're stupid. Or they're stupid. Or it's your parents. Yeah. If they're not 65 or old, or they're stupid or they have nothing to hide or both.

I had an accident didn't have a password for his phone. No password. Just unlocked it all times. And he was stupid. For a while. Before the fingerprint, I hated the password. I didn't have it on a lot of the time. I remember I left it one time sitting at a bar with friends

and my friend Aaron just took 60 selfies of himself because that's what you get. I just hated putting it in all the time. Before the fingerprint, there was a minute before the fingerprint. I remember. there was a while before the fingerprint where you had to just put in those four numbers. So annoying. I don't, I just have to swipe up now.

It just goes. Well, yeah. I got to tell you the other day how ugly I looked. Okay. I woke up in the morning. So I have like the facial recognition thing. Yeah. And sometimes it'll tell you it doesn't recognize your face.

I looked so ugly the other day. It didn't recognize that it was a face. It was like, that's not even a face. It was like fine face. No face. And that's crazy because it recognizes your face even in the pitch black dark. And they were like, that is not a face. That is how ugly I looked.

It said, find a face. Stop. This is not. It's the ugliest I've ever looked. You should have taken a selfie. And also you can... I tried to, but it didn't recognize my face. Okay, we're going to wrap this up with poop stuff.

I like having a bathroom that's firmly across the apartment somewhere else. But I talk about poop a lot. I just don't want you to know about the poop or smell the poop. No, no, no, no. Or hear the poop. No, God, no, oh my God. It's my nightmare. It is, hear me poop.

Yeah, no, no, no. So there's just two separate groups of people here. Well, whatever. If you move it with somebody and you have two bathrooms, if you're rich like that, you each have your own poop bathroom. Like, let's be very clear. Like, that's, like, Kate, my best friend, like, her husband poops in the guest bathroom. That's his poop bathroom.

Like, it's, you know, because guys, they want to be in there with their stuff. I mean, they take forever. It's very weird. Like, they want to be in there with their magazines. I remember growing up, my dad was like, in the bathroom for like half my childhood, like with his like race car magazines. It was so weird. Do you remember we went to Nashville with that guy and he went into the bathroom? It was in there. We were like, he had to have left the house. He took an hour and a half shit.

Hour and a half long shit. Yeah. So if you have two bathrooms, somewhat designated shit bathrooms. That's a way to save a relationship. If you have one, it gets a little tricky, especially if you know, tiny New York apartment. I would invest in some poopery. They're not a sponsor. But poopery, if you're listening, we'd love to have you guys. You know what it is. You spray it in the toilet before, I think. I don't have any, because I live here alone. You spray it in the toilet. They don't sponsor the podcast. Yeah, poopery. Where are you at? I would love to, I mean, here we are giving them free in a free ad anyway. I don't want to talk about, I don't want to, I don't want my man to fart around me ever. I will never fart in front

of somebody. I don't like it. I also don't like people that pee with the door up, but I'm sorry, you pee with the door up in my house. My other best friend does it too. She, every, every time I'm around her, she's door wide open. Well, good to know. Now we're discussing our boundaries. Yeah. Live for you guys to hear. Yeah, I don't really, it's fine with me if you want to pee with the door open. You know what I hate is the first time you fuck somebody. We talked about this like one of the first episodes. You like fuck somebody and they go to the bathroom and just pee with the door open like an animal.

Sitting down. Sitting down. Who would you die? Yes, I would die. This happened to Lee, your best friend Lee. No one loves Lee more than me. I remember this happened to her. She hooked up with this guy. He used to have be a host of a reality show.

He is not anymore. I cannot remember what it was. Bottom line. Fuck. what was his name? It was like Steve something. He was the host of some dating show. She hooked up with him and the next morning he peed sitting down door wide open. She was like, you're a sociopath. The audacity. I just think everybody's different. I am not shaming people that have that type of relationship where you fart and it's cute and it's funny and you talk about poop all the time. I'm just not.

I would never shame what works for somebody. I'm not that type of person. I don't think it's funny that guys fart. Like I love Ariel and. I love Ariel. And Matt Cutschall, like they're one of my favorite Instagram couples. I love them. And that's like their thing. He's always farting. And it's not for me. I hate it. I'm with you. Fine. Live your life. It's not like, it's not like the person doing heroin in front of you. And she's like, I just don't want it. I don't want to be around it. I guess if you fart, like, fine. Like, we'll deal with it together as a couple. Not a purpose though. Like, no, a guy that like, there's men out there and the women that love them that they will like Dutch oven you,

I will break up with you on the spot. If you, you fart and pull the covers and if you fart and pull the Buffy Comforter, you pull my Buffy Breeze over our heads and Dutch oven me, I will murder you. It's disgusting. It's unacceptable. It's un-American. It's exactly American. It's very American. American men are fucking pigs. It's very American. No, no dude from France is out here Dutch ovening you. Do the Dutch do it? Is that how to originate? I, if you're, it's. It's a very American. It's a very American. It's a very American. It's a very American. It's, it's a very American. It's, it. It's a and you do it message Ashley. It's not for me.

And I don't know what would happen if I was dating a guy that that was like part of his humor set and I didn't know it until I was kind of in too deep and I really liked him and then he started farting to be funny. I don't know what I would do. I don't either. Can you imagine that? What would you do, Raina?

You are dating this guy. You think he is so wonderful. Yeah. Your months, maybe it's a month, month or two, six weeks. You have sex with them for the first time or whatever you're having sex. It's incredible. And then he does that shit.

I'll tell you exactly what I'd fix it. one sentence. You ever do that around me again. I will never suck your dick ever again. That's it. I would question who he was as a person. I would say, I don't know you at all. I'm going to stop the behavior. Like, I'll train you to basically do anything. That's fair. That's fair. And they could have been like that with their last relationship or like whatever. And you can just tell him like, stop. That's not cool with me. Some of that I dated seriously, I love that he was so private about the pooping stuff. Like he would always go in there, turn the shower on. And like he would refer to it as like, I'm going to go in there and shower.

sorry I'll be over. I just have to shower. And I was like, I love this. Code words. Code words, people. I just, I was like, thank you. Because I don't want a guy that's like, hey, babe, I'll be over. Just gotta take a shit first. Like I was like, so I think that's one thing. Separate bathrooms if you have them. Poopery, if you don't. Code words. Just don't do it around me. All right, poop. I'm glad that we talked. Why we covered poop? Is that it? That's it. Any other poop stuff? Hold on. I wrote a lot of notes. You made a lot of notes about the poop stuff. What do you think about snooping though? Like, you were like here's the thing that rhymes of poop let's make this longer snoop the poop and snoop what do you do when you get to a guy's house for the first time the old poop and what because it rhymes and it's about poop what were you doing in there just the old poop and snoop

I can't say it's put out of my face really this is it I don't know why it's so funny um I feel the same way about snooping that I feel about cell phone passwords I want to do it to you and I'd be mad if you did it to me But my, yeah. If I'm in someone's bathroom, girlfriend or not, I just like beauty products and stuff. I want to see what you're working with. Like, I am in there all the time. It doesn't matter who it is. Like, I just like seeing what's in there.

I like snooping around in a bathroom. But what if a guy leaves you at his apartment in the morning by yourself? Are you going through everything? Okay. This is a double standard of everything. I wouldn't leave him in my apartment if I didn't want him snooping. I assume you're going to snoop. Right.

Like, everybody snoops, right? I don't know what you would find. here. The only thing, I'm looking around my apartment, the only thing that would be a little weird, there's nothing to hide is if you went through my financial stuff. Like, I don't know. I have some like checks that, you know, laying around. I don't want you seeing all that. I mean, I guess you can. I don't know. I have one drawer that, like, I have a girlfriend that stays in my apartment when we travel a lot. And there's one drawer where all my drugs and all my sex toys are. The drawer. The drawer. It's my nightstand drawer. So like, that's, and I tell her, like, you just don't want to open it.

just, I mean, it's full of weed, which you're welcome to take, but it's also full of my vibrators and lobes. So, like, you might accidentally touch one of those as well. Yeah. Um, so like, you know, just be warned. And there's, yeah, there's only really one drawer, but even that drawer, I don't care. If a dude open up a drawer and found a whole drawer for all the drugs and vibrators, I'd be proud. Right. Like, you know we have vibrators. I have nothing to hide. The only thing is, I guess, I guess to someone really snooped through everything in here, they could steal my identity. I mean, my socials on stuff, you know, like you could figure it out and you could take me for all worth, I guess. What I'm looking for mostly in guys' apartments is, are you gross? Yeah.

Did you clean your sink? Like what kind of products are you working with? You don't need to snoop to find that. Yeah. It's topical. I feel like I want to tell this story because I told it on Chris DeStefano and Janus Pop is his podcast and I guess they're keeping that on the Patreon. It never really made it to the main stage. But this is a story and I feel like I need to get the story some love. So I dated this guy. This was in my, uh, is like in my maybe mid-20s. And, um, it was a friend. My friend's now married to this guy. It was his friend. So they kind of introduced us. And his name was Trent. And his friends called him two-shirt Trent. And I didn't know if that meant like he wears two shirts together or he owns two shirts. And I quickly came to find out that they said he owned two shirts.

Pardon me tell the story. I guess you were paying attention. You were too busy looking at Chris. Chris is having it was hot. So, they called him two-shirt, Trent. I thought 100% he wears two shirts, right. Like back in the day, a guy would wear a t-shirt and like a polo over it. No. They said he only owned two shirts. And I went out with him a few times.

He also lived in my apartment complex. I actually didn't really like this guy. I thought he was very boring. Every time we went out, I would have to get blackout drunk just to be around him. But he had like, random chemistry. So we were like, fucking. And I was like, this is good. I'm going to keep doing this. But I'm developing a drinking problem. And he lived in my same neighborhood complex post collar hills

for you Atlanta people, collar and Halmel. So he left me in his place one morning. And I did start to notice that he always wore the same two shirts. So I was like, I get it now. This is very funny. He left me in his place one morning. He had two shirt energy. He had two shirt energy, big tech energy for sure.

But long pub energy also. I could have braided that shit. So I am in his place. He leaves me to go. He obviously very trusting. He left me in his place to go to work. And he was like, just let yourself out. You know, I live right across the street.

And my friend who was married to her, you know, now married to his friend. So the one that also knew that they called him to do. shirt Trent. We'll call her Karen. He leaves me there and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to look in the closet. I opened the closet door, one shirt on a hanger. One shirt, which means he was wearing the other one, two shirt, Trent. How much does it shirt cause? So I called Karen. I said, get over here. She's a teacher. It was in the summer. We were going to lay out anyway. I was like, get over here. I'm at Trent. She goes, come to Trent. I said, come into Trent.

I said, come inside. She came inside. I opened the closet door. We laid in that closet on the floor and laughed for hysterically laughing. Why didn't even put it in? There wasn't enough room in all of his drawers. And then I went to the pool. And then I had a pool.

We didn't have a third shirt. No, the apartment complex. Shut up. The apartment complex. He had a pool. He had something that most of the population can't afford, but he couldn't afford a third shirt. So then I was like, I got to end this because like I'm literally going to get like a fourth DUI.

Like I can't keep drinking like this. This is crazy. Like I have to be so drunk to be out with this guy and then come home and fuck him later. And his pubs are so long and whatever. And so I have my birthday. I was really like pregame at my apartment. And then we were going out, probably going to Cosmo Lava. I'm doing some Atlanta deep cuts for Atlanta people.

So he was late. And then I'm like, where is he? You know, whatever. Now I'm starting to get drunk wanting to fuck. Right. I'm sure. Yes. He said he went to the mall to buy a shirt.

This is a big decision. And they were like, you, and like, he's buying a third of his wardrobe. Karen was like, Ashley, like, I feel bad because I know you'd like want to end this. And I feel so bad. He's like literally buying a third shirt investment for you. He changed his whole life. Change his whole life for me. He was buying a third of his wardrobe just for you.

And then I was like, ew, why are you so obsessed with me? I ended it. No, I mean, but that was just like, I mean, opening a closet is not snooping. Is it? I mean, I left me there. Of course I'm going to open in your closet. especially if your name is two-shirt Trent. First thing I'm doing is going in the closet.

All right. So let's play this game. Okay, we're going to play this took a turn. These emails were fire. Yeah. I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning. I could not wait for you to wake up to hear these because these three emails are so wild. Okay.

I know if one I want to start with. Three total. This took a turn. First email. I was at home one night when this dude will call him Ryan slid into my DM. I was bored, we started chatting, whatever. Ryan casually mentions that I know his ex. My response was instantly, oh, great, who? And he said, Connor.

My instant reaction was, I don't know any girls named Connor. Turns out, his ex was this guy I had been seeing a few months before. Oh, my God. I like this. She's like, I don't know any girls named Connor. I kind of like it for a girl. I do too. Great name, right?

The story with Connor, we matched on Tinder. We started talking. fucking up, like five or six months down the road. He didn't want to commit. So I said, okay, that's fine. We went our separate ways. So they were together for like a while. Yeah.

The whole reason Conner didn't want to pursue anything more with me was because he was already in a relationship with Ryan the entire time he was sleeping with him. Oh, my God. To add insult to injury, Ryan informed me he knew Connor was seeing me the entire time and was quote unquote, okay with it because I was hot. Nothing about this guy suggested he was in a relationship or into guys at all. Literally no signs.

He even sent me pictures of. as proof of Connor face down, ass up. Because I thought he was playing a joke on me and I didn't believe him. To throw in a twist, Ryan said, we should get together for some drinks sometime after this entire conversation. Thank you, sir, but no thank you. I am fully supportive of the LGBT community, just not into it myself. Anyway, keep up the good work, ladies, love the podcast.

Okay, so, oh my God, where do we even start? Also, yeah, this came from a woman. It's just so we're clear. Oh, yeah, yeah. She made that, obviously. So Ryan was hitting on her? Yeah, I'm assuming Ryan sliding in there to be like, hey, we fuck the same.

What is he in there for? Yeah, well, she said, I'm at home with this dude Ryan slid to my DMs. He went in there to say this, because then he casually brought up Connor. This is crazy. I feel like he wants to fuck her. I feel like it's some weird twisted thing with these two by guys.

You think it's like revenge fucking? I don't think. I'm going to hit her up. I can't figure this out. This is wild. Can you imagine that? That you're like, oh, yeah, you know my ex. I can imagine a girl.

He's the guy that you were dating. That's wild. Yes. I can imagine a girl casually DM me and be like, we know the same person and me being like who. Like, this is really, really wild. It's crazy to choose with this guy for five to six months. Five or six months.

Significant time. Significant amount of time. No indication that he had a significant other or was by curious at all. And I like that the other guy was like, yeah, we were in a relationship. I knew about you the whole time. This makes me laugh so hard. It's kind of fucked up. they're all, I mean, everything's fucked up.

Everything's fucked up. Conner's fucked up. Ryan's fucked up. Oh my God. Maybe Connor and Ryan want to be a thruple. So they're trying to like long Connor into the thruffle. That's a good call. Oh my God. I mean, if this happened to me, I would be shaken.

Yeah. And I would talk about it on the podcast. I hope this happens to me. Okay. This next email is like really your vibe because there's so many capital letters and exclamation. Yeah, it's really dramatic. Yeah.

Okay. Met up with this guy from Hinge, really cute and really sweet. Like, how was he single? I don't know. I'm really cute and really sweet. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Things were going really well.

We ended up going back to his place to watch a movie. His apartment was really nice, really well decorated. Again, how was he single? Oh, my God. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. After we finished, we're laying in bed talking. I'm still naked in his bed, and he just sits up really quick, and he has tears in his eyes. Actual tears, all caps.

This man is crying while I'm naked in his bed after we just had sex a few hours into me and each other. I don't even know what to say when all of a sudden he looks at me and says, I'm really sorry, but I have a girlfriend. never planned on any of this happening. Oh my God. Mind you, they met on a dating app. Right. Right.

I'm sorry, what? All caps. This is an email out, right? Exactly. You didn't plan on this happening, but you were on hinge. I think he's joking and I laugh for a minute. And before I know,

when he's getting up out of bed, still naked, mind you, pulls out a box from under his bed and it's full of photos of him and his girlfriend framed professional photos and he's just crying and starting to tell me about how she's out of town on business

and he took all these pictures off the walls that day just in case I ended up there. But again, he didn't plan on any of this happening. L.O.L. Oh, my God. So I proceed to get up, find my clothes, get dressed, and get the hell out there. Oh, my God. I didn't read it before. Oh, you didn't? No. Oh. What?

This man is on hinge. He took all the framed photos. What a psycho. You know what, though? Her first instinct was right. This apartment is too nice to be. decorated by a man. Amen. You go to a man's apartment and it looks nice. He has a box of photos of his current girlfriend under the bed. Get ready for this to happen. Or he's got an ex-name Connor.

Or he's a gay man. This is crazy. Crying. Crying. It's so crazy. Like, I almost feel like, what was this guy trying to do? Like, was he trying to get back of his girlfriend? Something like this felt so premeditated. Premeditated. He cleared the house of her. Yeah. Like, I didn't even understand, And he goes on hand and he's like, I don't know, my relationship's kind of over. I'm ready to throw out the trash. I just want to get some female attention. Yeah. But then you went and met the person, brought them back, crying.

This is so funny to me. Framed photo. Oh my God. It's so wild. Professional photos, which probably meant they're engaged. Why else would you get professional photos? There's a sonogram photo in there. Who has like professional photos?

Yeah. Can I imagine. Okay. I'm sorry you went through this girl. That is wild. Yeah. All right. For the very last one, I'm excited.

We have a personal story of this took a turn. That really shocked me because I had high hopes for this. But you had a little thing going on with this guy. So you can tell, please tell your story. Well, yeah, the 6-9 guy, who I mentioned, I was allegedly having a date with tonight. It's 620, so I don't think that's happening. You never know.

Maybe you should take a shower and get ready anyways. Okay. So we batched on Hinge, and he said he was pretty to the point. Like when can I take you out? And I said, Monday or maybe Friday. And he was like, I leave for work.

I leave for work. A work trip on Monday. Friday sounds good. Let's coordinate. Here's my number. And I already like this guy because he doesn't like pussy put around and he's like, I like you.

You're cute. Let's go out. Right. So I text. He sent me his number. I'm not going to be coy. Like, here's my number. Like, I just text him.

Because I always think, I always like to text first and say something funny and cute. And so I just text him. I said, hi, it's Ashley the short. girl from the internet. Because I'm tall I'm 5'10, but not compared to someone that's 6'9. Thanks for breaking down the joke. He would be like, what is she talking about?

And so he wrote, what's up Shorty? Not like Shorty, like Shorty, like Shorty. It's cute, right? And he said, I usually don't talk to short girls, but I'm definitely making an exception here. I thought that was cute. I wrote, whatever. I mean, nobody can be as funny as us. So I said, ha ha, this is a couple hours later because we had our show. I said, ha ha, I'm so flattered.

I just wrapped up a show and I'm going to sushi. how's your night? And he said, I'm craving sushi. Next text. Just got home from work. Got out of my suit. Now I'm sitting naked in my bed reading a book. What? I mean, obviously, you told me this, but like, here's my feeling about this behavior. First of all, yes, why is my first question? You didn't need to write that text. Number two, like, what is the success rate on this ridiculous behavior? Like, which girl's like, yes, stranger I've never met, I want to talk about you being naked right now. And so I was at dinner when this came through because we had our little show earlier this week. Our little show. Our little show. And then I went to sushi afterwards. You did not.

You were with your man friend. And I showed it to Louisa. And she goes, what was the text before this? And I said, you can't even scroll up. It's no text. It's three texts. It's not even enough for a screenshot. Like, you don't even have to do a scroll. Like, we've texted twice. And she goes, why did he bring up being naked? And I don't want to act prude here. Like, whatever. I all sex all day. I even think if we'd had a few more days or one day of texting, you could maybe say that. You're not being approved. You've texted back and forth three sentences. Why are you telling me that you're naked? Naked should not be a word that comes up in the first screen of a conversation. I basically feel like this guy is just trying to fuck. And I think he's like, if I give a visual,

be naked in my bed, like maybe she'll come over and like, I feel like what he thinks I'm going to be like, oh, I want to come over there. Like, or show me or something like that. Like, show me that book. Show me that book. And then I just, I think I waited a couple hours. Oh, yeah. That was at like 10.48 at 1123. I just had to address it. I think this is crazy.

And I just wrote, do you always talk about being naked with complete strangers or am I just lucky? Like, I need you to know, like, that's a crazy thing to just say to somebody straight out of the gate, just sitting here naked. It's weird to me. It's crazy to me. And I'm glad that you said that. You can't just be out here thinking this is okay. What girls are like, you know, now that you mentioned your dick and your book, I'll be over. Right.

And I mean, if you're horny, like, go do that. That's for sure. Whatever. Yeah. And I just wrote, he wrote back the next day, the next morning or whatever. He was like, oh, he was like, oops. He kind of like walked it back. He was like, no, not at all.

I was just hot. So I got naked. Nothing wrong with that. I'm like, you're doubling down on the naked. Again? Again. I didn't know about this. Naked again.

What have you said naked twice at this point? We've never even held hands. We've never barely texted. Like, I kind of remember, like, I think about a guy that I dated it pretty seriously. And we texted, flirted for a couple days before we actually. went on our first date. Even that would have been more understanding. I don't know this person. It's so crazy. And so he wrote, I wrote like, okay, that's fine. I get it. I mean, I'm always hot. So I understand. I wrote,

a ha ha. That's very true. He did a wink emoji. I did another emoji. And he wrote, ha ha. And that was it. And he wrote for that reason. I'm out. I think he was trying to fuck or something. And I didn't take the bait. And he's like, we're definitely not going out of date. But you know, the road to fucking, like, isn't that. Like, you can bait me into fucking a hundred other ways besides. that. Yeah. Right?

I, you know, I just, I'm also like, I don't know this guy. Maybe he's like a little socially awkward. Like maybe it's so hot here in New York. Maybe he was just being like, oh my God, I'd come home and take all my clothes off. So that's why I did give it another chance. Like, I didn't write him off right away. I gave him back a little like snarky slash flirty response, but then nothing. So as it stands, we were supposed to go out tonight.

We're clearly not because I think he was just like trying to get some. I think so too. I'm glad that you did that. Look, I think it's big of you to be like, I'm not going to write this person off. maybe it's something else. But like, I think about the nice guys I know. I just can't remember imagine them doing this. I got to,

I got to say this meme right now for all the guys listening is, before you send a text, think about how it would look in a screenshot. And I, when that text came through, I was at dinner with girlfriends, I showed it to three girlfriends,

again, not prudish girls. And they all, like, cringed. Yeah, I cringe. Stop. I'm the least prude person ever. It's disgusting. It's very weird. Don't be out here doing this.

There's a million other ways to get me in bed besides that. It's such, I feel like he was like trying to give me a visual. It just took my, my suit off and now I'm sitting here naked reading a book. What are you doing? That book makes me want to suck your dick.

Rita's upset. It's just fucking stupid. We were talking about this earlier but like we I think it's Aziz Ansari who does this bit about like imaginative dating apps were in the real world. Like what guy would walk up to a stranger in a bar and be like hey last night I just you know I was feeling it and I just got naked and opened up a book like what guy's walking around like look at this dick pick of mine? Like people would only behave like this because they hide behind the internet.

Exactly. Fucking idiots. I mean, he's not that hidden. First and last name. I can look it up. Six foot nine. It's not hidden. Try to hide.

All right, guys. Well, that took a turn for this week. Always submit these. We don't have so many of these. I love them. I want more. When we started this game, they were so great.

Send us these crazy dating up conversations that took a turn. We'd love to do an act out. And, of course, follow us. Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram. Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. for the live shows and for the fundraiser we've set up for immigrant families together, stupidliveshows.com for the shows.

And next week. We promise. Next week. Promise. I know we said this this week, by the way. But it was hard to get all the links up because people were on vacation. Yes. July 15th, our entire September and October run, we will release.

So the Midwest dates and everything. How many shows? Some other. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven different shows in seven different cities. Yes. announcing next week. I'm so excited. Stay tuned, guys. Get those credit cards ready.

We'll see you next week. All right. Bye, guys. Have a great week.