Girls Gotta Eat - Help, I Hate My Friend's Partner!

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

Alright ladies, let's TALK SOME SHIT! (Kidding...sorta.) We're discussing a topic close to home for so many -- disliking your friend's partner (namely, your girlfriend's boyfriend/husband). Although every situation is different, we're doing our best to cover all the bases -- reasons why you hate the partner, if you should say something, what to say, how to say it, advice to give your friend, setting boundaries for yourself, friend breakups, and more. We're drawing on our own experiences, and sharing stories from listeners as well. And we're catching up on Rayna's new guy and a rooftop encounter Ashley had. Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for show dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Aurate: Visit auratenewyork.com/gge15 + code GGE15 to get 15% off your first purchase. Pretty Litter: Use code GGE for 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com. Raycon: Go to buyraycon.com/gge for 15% off your entire Raycon order. Candid: Vist candidco.com/gge for your risk-free starter kit and $75 off. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What you can do is bring in a psychic reader or an aura reader to tell your friend that they're bad for them. So if you're actually good, if you really, welcome back to another episode of Girls' Gotty, bonus edition. It's a bonus episode from our new studio. It is so beautiful. I know. It's not done. It's like almost there.

So if we post a clip this week, you'll just notice us on this pink couch with a bare wall. But we're in. We're in. We're going to wallpaper. We're going to sign. It is so beautiful. It's so pink. It is so velvety.

The Peloton's in here. Raina hates it. Just admit it, sis. You hate it. No, there's nothing you can do about it. Ashley is going to pay a little more because this is her gym. No. But I love that we have a workspace.

I love that we have this place to just pop in and it's ours. It is. Three years in and we have a pink studio. We've made it, fam. Okay. I haven't seen you that much over the last few days. Yeah. I've missed you.

We're here. Well, you have been with somebody that you've been dating, and I'm so excited to tell you in this episode that I don't like it. I'm kidding. Can you imagine we do it live? We're going to do it live. Fuck it. Oh, my God.

This is why you conned me into this episode topic. And I picked it. You were like, here's three ideas I have for the bonus. I think they're all great, hating your friend's partner. And I was like, let's do that. I love that now. So reason number one, I'm kidding. Hit me.

He's great. Yeah. I mean, you mentioned it for a couple weeks. You're dating somebody. You guys met on the internet. Yeah, no, we did not. Actually, you guys know me. I'm getting back out there, but I never do. Ashley told me I should tell you guys where we met. So, um, no, I, right now? Yeah. I'm just kind of casually. I mean, Ashley was like, it's weird that you're suddenly dating somebody we haven't mentioned it. So you're right.

So we met through a mutual friend. We met through somebody that he works with. Our very first conversation was actually about like how to meet girls. And it's like pretty funny to like, I always think back to that because I'm like, I just like was telling you how to meet other girls. And then I was like, no, I think I'm the girl you're going to meet. So he came here this week. He came from L.A. He stayed with me for the week. You met him.

Rob met him. Yeah. He loves Rob. Couldn't love Rob more. Yeah. So you met him and then you guys kind of like texted phone, did some phone dates. And then you went to L.A. And then he came here.

So we're on a trajectory here. We went to OZatar and our little double date. We had two double dates this week or last week now. Oh, yeah, we did. We went last Wednesday. now at this point, last Wednesday night, went out with Francis and Giulio and me and you. And then the next night, you and this guy and me and Rob, all these guys have significant others. That is so true.

Everybody we went on double dates with this week. What is my significant other, I guess? We went to Ozatar and I was like, just so you know, like Rob's a lot. And he was like, what do you mean? I'm like, just you'll see. But I just want to give you a heads up so you know. You texted me after dinner. you said, did he like Rob be honest?

You didn't say, did he like me be honest? I knew he liked me. I mean, that much is clear. I can feel it. I think that, like, when you're dating a new person, it is really nice to just give them a heads up about everybody that they're going to meet, right? So he was with me all week, and he met a lot of my friends.

And I gave him a heads up about each person, this person. Like, none of my friends are like, you know, you need like a warning stamp on them. But that's true, though. It's, like, always fun to talk about your friends. to somebody that you're dating, like, before they meet. You're like, okay, so you're going to meet this person, this person, here's how this person is, here's how this person is. It's always fun to, like, talk them up and tell them what they're about and then see if after they meet them, they agree.

It's my favorite thing. Yeah. So I think you do that regardless. It's not always like, this person's a lot warning. It can be like, this person's really shy or whatever. Or especially if your partner is really shy. Like, I didn't know how he was going to be, like, meeting all these people. I mean, he didn't.

He's just easy to be around. He's easy to be. And I think, you will talk about it today, I wouldn't date somebody at this age that I couldn't bring around my friends that I didn't think would be nice, respectful, in a good mood, ask you questions about yourself. I'm not out here dating people that I think are terrible

like I did in my early 20s. Yeah, I know. And that's something too today to always keep age in mind. You know, I always want to make sure I'm coming from a place of like I've been through it. I didn't know all this stuff even five years ago. So I think it's like it's a lot easier to be, in your 30s and have been dating for so long

and to be able to give this advice and have these reflections, but you don't necessarily have it when you're 20s. If you do, great. I think kids are way more kids. People are more mature than they were in our day. And I think people get better as they get older too, right? I'm better.

Like I might have maybe started a fight in front of somebody's friends or like huffed off and like just acted like not a yelling fight but acted like a brat or not wanted to engage or, you know, I think I've gotten better through our show of like asking other people questions about their life, I might not have always done that.

So people just get better with age. Right. Like, yeah, you're right, like, less hot-headed. Yeah. Like, I used to be, back in the day, I would just fight with somebody publicly. I don't care. If it's on my mind, it's coming out. You and I had to fight in the lobby of a building.

And in a restaurant. And in a bathing suit store. Always in public. I don't even know. We actually don't fight. We've had two, well, our two, like, screaming fights have been in hotels. Or rooms. They're never, like, it's weird because all these times have been like out of town,

but we do travel well together. It's not that we just go out of town and fight. We only fight on vacation. We only fight. I don't think we've gotten in like a fight here. You know, we've gotten in the studio. And like he did. We can't fight in the studio.

You brought him up to the studio and I was like, I'm making sure that we're all leaving at the same time because I'm not, they're not going to try to fuck in here. I will tell you, we got here like five minutes before you did. And I was like, you want to try to fuck in the studio? and then I decided not to because you were on your way up. It's so disrespectful. I don't want to get calm on the studio. Well, one of us could fuck on the table.

The table's brand new. I just, let's like keep it. Let's break in the studio first. No. I'm like looking at the table. Do not touch the Peloton. I sort of fucking God Raina. Who's fucking on the Peloton? Someone just told us recently, can you fuck?

They were saying. I asked you, can you fuck on a Peloton? Okay. Can you? Why? What's the point? Yeah. And I was like, remember the episode with Usama.

And he was like, Peloton, fuck parties. Everybody's fucking on a Peloton. I just hear him in my head in my dreams. But you have things that you want to tell me. So, okay, I had a really fun weekend. There was just like stuff going on. And Merrill's back in town. She's been gone for three months.

So I saw her, a friend of ours had like a wine tasting thing. I went to like a fun dinner Friday night. Everybody's back. We're living our truth. But Saturday was just up on the roof with my friends that live in the building and some other people. We had a friend from out of town. And so we were up there. I mean, and I feel like it was like a Saturday.

It's April. New Yorkers are going to New York. Like it's 50 degrees out. It was overcast and we're up on the roof. Like put on your cute jacket and get up there and drink rosé. Like it doesn't matter. We've been through enough. Yeah.

We're like we're going to rooftop. And on my rooftop, I look over and I see everybody partying on their rooftops. Like every rooftop I could see had like people on it, like just doing the same thing as us. And I look over directly across and I see these people dressed up. I see decor. I'm like, what is going on over there? This is like a theme party. And like, you guys, this is so funny.

I think it's Bridgerton. I could hear the vitamin string quartet. I could hear the violins. I was like, they're having a fucking Bridgerton theme party. I was like, what? And so I called over like, my friends, I was up on the roof. I was like, we're filming it. I was filming it.

And then they noticed us, the Bridgerton people. And they were like, hey. And I'm like, you guys look amazing. And then some other person goes, what's the theme? And this guy yells back. Prince Phillips funeral. which was so just funny and off the cuff. It was Bridgerton, obviously.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was Bridgeton, but he was just like, Prince Phillips funeral. And so I posted this story. It's just so great. It's just, it resonated with people. It got shared so many, like, thousands of times because people were like, that's so fun, like people yelling across from the rooftops.

And then someone sent me this girl's Instagram story, like a follower of mine and was like, hey, this is the girl whose party it was. Like, I follow her. She's the sex and relationship editor at Bustle. And I was like, that's so funny. Like, I've read her work, you know. And she used to be with Teen Vogue. And then I go in my DMs and she had message me herself because so many people had probably sent her my story.

And she was like, that was my Bridgetton birthday party. What are the odds? So her and I go back and forth and I'm like, I'm such a fan of your work. And she's like, me too. And then, like, Dylan responded to my story. And he's like, what's up with the girl in the black though? Like, this is far away. And he could see that this girl was like kind of hot.

And I was like, of course he's trolling for pussy on your Instagram. Instagram story. I was like, let me ask, because now I know the girl whose birthday it was. So I was like, what's up with the girl in the black? Is she single? And she's like, she is single. Here's her Instagram account. Ashley, get the fuck out. So I like sent it to Dylan. And then I'm shocked. Another guy that was at the party slid to my DMs, he was like, I loved your video. That was my, that was on my roof. Can you send me the video? It was just so fun. You know what to remind me up. Did you remember this? This is, this is right up your alley, Rana. Andy Cohen at one time, this rooftop. He was like filming these people. people partying on a rooftop across from his apartment or his condo, whatever. And obviously it's Andy Cohen.

You know, so many people were like, Andy Cohen has you guys from your party on his Instagram story and then they invited him over. And then he went over. Yeah. And I think it happened almost like, it might have happened two years in a row. But I remember that like he was like, these people are having this crazy party across for me. And then they invited him and he went.

He showed up. What would I do if Andy Cohen showed off on my fucking roof? Also, like you, I feel like you. I feel like you would have gone over. You and me would have gone over there. Oh, yeah. I know. Like, that was the thing.

Like, and then the guy that slid in my DMs was like, well, I'm going to you guys next time. Like, yeah, you better. Like, these seem like such cool people. But I just, I couldn't get enough of her Instagram story. Like Bridgeton theme birthday.

I was like, go off. She had just the funniest captions about everything. Why am I like feeling emotional like about exactly one year ago that we were like all just sort of like hanging out of our windows, yelling and stuff. And now it's like we're back together. We're having theme party.

We're in costumes. Like, we're yelling at each other. we're connecting people. Dylan's fucking a stranger via your Instagram account. I feel like I will never say the true term new normal. I feel like we're getting back to normal. I know. It's fucking awesome. Well, I was like, do I like give a disclaimer about Dylan or? Do I say like, hey, if he fucks your friend over is not my problem. I'm like, I don't want this girl to not like because she's an editor of Bustle. Okay. So that's a good question about like, do you give

anybody disclaimers about the people that you're friends with? I think it's, miss in her of no he's like a hot guy he's a comedian she can listen to him on our show yeah if this like somehow worked out if they date i mean he's not going to date to be a long term but listen if they date for three weeks i will be so excited i know and i feel like i only feel comfortable telling you the story because you're dating somebody so you're not going to be like jealous um well what happened oh oh no yeah otherwise i would be really upset i'd be like i should pause the recording i have to call dylan and then i've one more thing i don't know if you guys really like troll my instagram comments but Dale Moss has been in there.

Like every time he comes in. I haven't been drawing. And I think he knows because it like gets people like laughing. And you know, he gets a little attention and I'll always respond. But anyway, so Dale's kind of been back on my radar, Instagram wise. He's obviously not, I think he's back with Claire. He was on chicks in the office. If you guys really care what's going on, Dale, go listen to them.

We love them. And anyway, this girl DM'd me. She's a follower, obviously fan of the show. She said this is at 107 a.m. She goes, Ashley, I saw, Masda Bar and told him we were friends so I could talk to him. Ha, ha, ha. I wonder if you realize I'm just a fan.

She's like, Ashley's my mom and my sister. I'm friends with Ashley. He's like, oh, really? Okay. Any friend of Ashley is a friend of us. You know what, listen, I don't hate this. I actually really like this is an opening line. When you see somebody that's like been on another person's show to just like front like

your friends and he'll be like, how did you guys meet? I don't know. Make it up. I know. And then she goes, and I said I heard she brought a backpack on a date with you. Like, so funny. I respect it. I laughed.

I was like, hey, I was like, ha, girl. that's amazing. However, what if someone like goes up to someone we know and they're like, hey, I'm a friend of Ashley and they're like, a shitty person? They're terrible and they make us look bad. I actually, I think that's fine because I think that if you actually, I think you can find up pretty quickly that person really isn't our friend. So you could debunk that in two seconds. Here's what I really don't like is when men who have previously been on our show use us to get pussy at their comedy shows. I'm not using any names, but I don't like it. This happened recently? No, this happened a couple summers ago and this guy facetimed me from one of his shows. He was a bunch of

girls. Yes. I don't like that. Don't like it. Totally. That happened to me two weeks ago. I mean, that's Dylan and Ursama, they can face-time us anytime. But a guy that I had a thing with and have not spoken to in quite some time, this was like a couple weeks ago. He facetimed me at like, it was like 1 a.m. But he lives on the West Coast. So, I mean, not crazy. 10 p.m. for him. And I saw the face time come through. And I was like, I know that he met some girls that are fans and he's trying to flex. And sure enough, I obviously didn't answer the FaceTime. And then I got a text and he was like, hey, I'm with some fans. And I'm like, fuck you, dude. We don't talk anymore. You know what I mean? Like, if I'm still cool with somebody, friends with somebody and they want to do that, I'm all for it.

I might not answer. I'll do it for my brother, obviously, anytime. But like, it was so rude to me to be like, we haven't talked in probably a year. I felt a little rejected by you the last time we were in the same city. And here you are out here? No, you can't use anybody. else is named to get pussy from somebody else, okay? Unless you're like my DCX, which like, please meet somebody and stop talking to me soon. I mean, I'll name drop if I'm trying to get laid, but I'm not FaceTimey.

That feels duplicitous and not nice. It does. It was weird. Yeah, it's fucking weird. Yeah, it's fucking weird. It's something only a man would do. They're fucking gross. Yeah, women would never, ever.

Never. Um, I guess my only other thing. I have a guy that recently liked me on Hinge and I looked him up and he's like a big deal. I feel very excited about it. I mean, probably nothing will happen. I did ask you. you so many, I started peppering you with questions. You were like, I saw this guy in Hinge and I was like, you guys

going to go out? Well, he liked me. We're matched now. But he is like, that's the kind of guy that I was trying to meet on Raya. I don't see a lot of these guys in Hinge that are like doing big things. They don't make their way over to Hinge. Like the guys that are like Forbes. You know, he's legit.

So just you guys. Just trying to let you know he was in Forbes 30 under 30. Listen, just everybody send good vibes. That's what the, that's what Kelly said to who you're going to date. not that specific guy. That would be pretty granular for her to know that, but she pulled the emperor card. Uh-huh. She pulled an emperor. I'm about to land me an emperor. No, I don't know. That was just, that's all that's happened to me this morning.

This morning. Guys, it's a bonus episode. Everything you're getting is bonus content. What are you guys going to do? Okay. I am so excited for this topic today. I mean, if so is everyone else. You posted the Instagram story slides. Send us stories about hating your friends, man. and we also got a lot of stories from people who have been the one who's, everybody has hated your man. We were flooded. I was sitting at the computer and all of a sudden,

like 10 emails came in and like three minutes and I was like, what's happening? Oh my God. And if you guys are like, I didn't see that Instagram story slide, it's because we took it down after we got 100 emails. Because we were like, we can never go through all these. And there's always so many like common threads.

So we're like, we want to talk about what the listeners want to hear about. Yeah, this is about do you hate your friend's partner? I was thinking about that. like if we've covered stuff relating to this before. So what we've covered in the past, and this came up in a bunch of the emails, was I hate my siblings partner. Yeah.

So we covered that with Vienna-Ferrin in December of 2019. Yes. And then really early on, so like, don't judge us. But like we did this topic in a much shorter episode and we tackled like all parts of it. Like your partner's friends, whatever. It was called What About Your Friends?

And it was like really like first 10 episodes. it's probably. So that was like early 2018. And then opposite sex relationships, we touched on this a little bit in an episode called Is It Purely Platonic, which was October 2020. This is a topic that people really relate to. Y'all all hate your friends partners. But we've all been in those scenarios. It is really, really painful. And it sucks. And we'll talk about why you might hate your friend's partner. What's you about it? And do you tell your friend and how to sort of manage the fallout and things like that. But I love. love a topic that every single person has been through. And I want to hear if you've ever

obviously hated a friend's partner or people have hated your partner, which like, I know everything about you. But yeah, I mean, I haven't had a situation where I was like, this is like really affecting my life that I don't like my friend's partner. I have a very, very close girlfriend. She's like family. Because I also think this varies based on the closeness. Because you can have like, you know, second, third tier friends. You hate their partner. who fucking cares. You know, I mean, you never have to even see that person. It doesn't really affect you. But I have a really close friend. And him, him as a person is just whatever. I, I mean, he's not somebody I would choose to spend time with, but it's more so of just like their

history and kind of the impact I feel like he's had on her and like so many years of just seen her upset. And they're fine now, I guess. They have a healthy relationship. But for years, I found myself like screaming about him, you know, just like, you know, and they would break up and then I would feel more empowered to be like, I fucking hate him, you know? And I can say that because she is so wonderful and mature and knows that all of this comes from a place of love, because her and I are really close that she's never held this against me. Like, she can fully know that he, I don't quote unquote like him. I'm fine with him. I can be around him. We'll get to this. She just knows that I'd rather spend time just with her,

you know? Which is fine. Like, we don't all need to be having, like, couples' dates, couples' vacations. And I think that you're a rational enough person. You and I've talked about this before the episode started, like, you and I can look at a situation and say, do I not like this person because they're just not my cup of tea? I don't love socializing with them. They're just not for me. Or is this person

treating my friend terribly? And it's that why I hate them. And then I think those are very divergent paths of, like, how do you deal with it with your friend? Yeah. I mean, as far as like not liking my partner, I've had guys that I've dated casually that I knew maybe people didn't love him, but didn't matter. I kind of didn't see a future. I guess with my most serious ex, everybody loved him, his personality.

Everybody loved him. But I think they just saw, we just had a toxic relationship. So they just saw me so upset all the time. And, you know, I have to say, I give my friends a lot of credit. They really stuck by me and heard me just complain and cry and really not be myself. for like a year or more, you know, and I think there was times when they could have been like, Ashley, I cannot take this anymore. Also, I wasn't like calling people in the middle of the night. I was like, come pick me up. You know, I was just like when we were getting together, I was in a weird

headspace for quite some time. And like Kate and Jenny and friends like that just really just heard me and were there for me and they were really great about it. But again, I wasn't really draining them in terms of like, I need you to come over. Like it was just, I was a mess for quite a while and they were there for me and I'm really thankful, you know. I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I do want to address maybe towards the end of the episode, but, like, you know, we're talking to people who you hate your friend's partner, but, like, if you're the girl that everyone hates your man, like, we've talked about this before and, like, picking and choosing what you share

with your friends and who you share things with. Because there's certain, like, fights and arguments that, yeah, maybe might make your friends hate that person, but, like, that person isn't a bad person, but once you choose to share it with everybody, you involve everybody, and everybody's just, like, part of this shit. And it's, like, I've had those moments where I've shared something, and I've been like, I wish I wouldn't have. You know, that was just, like, a petty fight.

I was acting like a dick. they were acting like a dick. So it sounds like you picked like two people. You were like, these are my people I'm going to talk to you about this. This is who I'm going to share this with. Well, and I will say, I mean, there were things that like, just because he and I always got back together, like broke up and got back together, I knew there was a line of stuff I could never tell people until I knew it was like fully over.

And I feel like you know some of those things. And I remember, like, I think we're all at brunch. We were in Philly. And I like told Corey for the first time some of the things that he had said to me that were like very verbally abusive. and I feel like she saw red and I was like, we were never getting back together. But it was like, if I would have told her that

and same thing with my mom, my dad, if I would have told them those things, he never could have come around again. So that's your job as the person to like know what you can and can't say. Yeah, filter. And somebody is truly abusive and terrible do you tell someone.

Yeah. Tell a bunch of people. Tell people until like someone's going to hold you accountable. But if it's just petty fights, petty everyday stuff, I think it's up to you to be an adult filter that information. Okay, what's your truth? My truth?

I don't personally don't, I mean, I don't think I've ever... We're doing this episode based on one of Raina's friends' boyfriends that she hates. If we're being honest. No, I'm kidding. And we will talk about it. I mean, I am glad to have a little space from that situation to reflect and say what I did that I'm proud of and what I would change. But personally, did I ever date somebody that everybody hated?

No, not really. Like maybe when I was like just out of conversation. college, like really volatile, involved everybody and everything, constantly fighting in front of everyone. Yeah, I hated him. Everybody should have hated him. He was terrible. Since then, no, I mean, again, like we said, people just grow up and they start acting a little bit better. And you pick good people. I mean, you're like a stable, good person. You're going to pick a pretty good guy. Yeah. I'm not going to date at this age the type of person you are. You're going to date some, like, piece of shit, dude. I can't even imagine with like my personality, your personality,

picking a guy that, like, would be just like, you know, you like some of our friends, boyfriends, only one person really cause it might be, but you bring them around and they're just like such a drain on the fun. And it's like, that's an easy fix too.

But yeah, there might be people I've dated that you think are like not right for me but somebody that people hate, no. I definitely have friends who I hate their boyfriends. And again, like I have one situation where like

he's just not really like my cup of tea but he treats her really well and she seems happy and she's not fucking asking for anybody's opinion and I respect it. You know what? I don't have to hang out with them. I mean, that was kind of the first thing I wanted to address was, why do you not like this person?

Are you just jealous? You know, like, I think that before we even go down this road, before you're like, I hate my friends, man. Like, why, though? Because there are situations in which you are best friends with someone and then they start dating someone and they kind of take them away for a little bit. I think we've all seen that happen. Are you saying she's acting different just because she's like blinded by love? And of course, I'm not saying people. get a pass to, like, ditch their friends. I think you and I are both of the mindset of always prioritize your girlfriends. They're the ones that were there before. They're going to be there after. But my point is just, we all know, and if we don't all know, we should look forward to the day when we are falling in love with somebody and we are spending more time with them and we may have a little bit less time to spend with our friends at the beginning. And some people never run into that. Some people can balance it perfectly and you never feel an absence of their presence.

but I just, I say that to say that we are going to get into the guys that give you reason to dislike them and hate them and know that they're bad for your friend. But if it's at the beginning of like your friend's just not there as much and she seems a little distracted and she's kind of hung up on this guy, like, I've been there, you've been there. You want your friends to show you the same respect. And you want to be able to like hole up with this guy that you're falling for for a little bit of time in the beginning and not catch a bunch of flack from your friends. So I'm just saying that not shaming anybody, not saying that all girls are crazy and jealous when their friends get a man. I just want to say it up top so you can assess why you may not like this person that your friend is dating because we're going to get into like the real reasons why. Yeah. I love what you said about are they just like a dud, are they just annoying, but they're like good for your friend because you're not going to just love everybody your friend's date.

Like sometimes I don't know. Like we have a friend. Her boyfriend just is like doesn't talk. He's just there. But it's like who cares? Like they're happy and that's all the matters. I couldn't care less. And I think that you acknowledged, like, what was happening with your friend.

And I think you guys have talked about it since. And I think, like, even you and I had a situation like last week where I was like, hey, I've been distracted and I'm sorry, you know, and I'm an adult enough to like, be like, hey, I've just sort of been texting and in another world and I apologize for it. I'm an adult, you know, and I took accountability for it. I think the worst, I think no one's having friendship breakups over a boyfriend that just kind of sucks and is boring. Yeah.

Right? I think, like, you know, if your friend's like, do you like, do you like, I'm talking if you like him. It's like, guys, just suck it up and lie. Just feel like, yes, I like him. It's fine. I think the friendship breakups come when, like, you really look at your friend and you're like,

they're not well. This person is, like, stealing their sparkle. This person is not supportive. I don't know how many other times I can listen to this and not have an opinion about it, not say anything about it before you have to, like, really separate yourself from it. I think that stuff is really painful.

And I want to, like, really acknowledge how painful that is. Friendship breakups are terrible. And especially when you just think that, like, my friend is making these decisions that are so bad for her. I'm only, I only hate this person because I love them. Yeah, absolutely. And before we kind of get into all that, like to wrap up what I was saying earlier, like, sometimes these things are just a matter of being patient. You know what I mean? Like, we all act a little crazy at the beginning of relationship sometimes. And I think if your friend completely ditches you for a man long term,

then rethink that friendship or maybe that friendship's already over. You know, like, that happens. You see, I've, I had that, I had a friend like that. She just, like, we were hanging out of the time. and she just met her guy and we really just stopped being friends. She wasn't like a best friend. But like it was like that's just kind of who she is. And I think you see that happen too. But a lot of this is just a matter of like being patient. Like if there's a group of like a bunch of single girls and like the one girl gets a boyfriend

and he kind of sucks and she's not around, it's easy to be like, we hate him. Like, you know, nail him to the cross. And it's just like, let's just chill for a minute because this isn't like they're engaged and this is somebody you have to deal with her the rest of your life, you know. You're right though. It will dissipate. It will get a little better. Yeah, once in a blue moon, we all have those friends that just like meets a guy and they drop

everybody. And it's like, I don't know. It sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it, right? You know, her priorities aren't your priorities. And sometimes you just have to let things go. And that's the answer. There's no amount of like therapeutizing this. You know, you can say, there's only so many times you can say to somebody, I miss you, I want to see you. Can we make plans? You're certainly welcome to acknowledge it. I feel like you've been a little more distracted lately. I'd love to reconnect. But at the end of the day, like you can't, if somebody's priority is that person, and they're not going to prioritize you, then maybe you just take a little break.

And just for a little while, you know, you can always go back. Nothing's final. No one's dying. You can always go back in somebody's life. Yeah, and I say this all the time. I say friendships ebb and flow, you know, for various reasons. I've said this before that, like,

there was a time where Kate and I just weren't as close. We didn't have like a fight or a big breakup. And it wasn't because of her now husband. It was just like, we were kind of just living, living a different life. And it was a year or two. And now we're like better than ever. Like, that's my like prime example of being.

best friends attached the hip to kind of like drifting apart to coming back together. And that happens. And it does happen sometimes when people get a significant other. That wasn't that situation. But I think you just see that. And it's like sometimes when you just aren't seeing your friend as much because they're with somebody, maybe it's a time to strengthen other relationships. You know, find other friends, become closer with them. You know, date yourself, pick up a new hobby, like things like that. Because I think a lot of this is related to like your best friend starts dating somebody and you're like, I've lost them. And it's like also in those cases, I can't recommend like getting close to the guy enough. You know, like, yeah. I used to go to Kate and Jay's when they live together and like watch The Bachelor every Monday night, you know.

And I liked him. So it wasn't an issue. But I was like, get in there. Unless he's intolerable. But the last thing you want is just like you don't really have a relationship with that guy or you don't like him or you've been avoiding him. And then they end up together forever. And it's like, then it's fucking weird. It's fucking weird.

And I also, I couldn't recommend enough acknowledging it. There's nothing wrong. saying I miss you. I want to hang out with you more. I feel like you've been a little diste. Like I don't think that that's hostile. I think it comes from a place of love. You don't have to be like, you're never around and I never see you. You know, I come to it from a place of, you know, I'm happy for you. I'm excited you found this person. Of course, that's your priority. But I just miss you. Yeah. And remind them and bring them back to center and remind them, you know, maybe that person needs a little bit of a gut check too of like, oh, I am distracted. I am not

texting people or calling people or making plans. Yes. You can be totally oblivious and all it takes is that friend to say in a loving way, like, hey, I just, I really miss you. Can we, can we make a date just the two of us? Because I think that is something that you can do no matter what, whether someone's been with somebody that they're dating for a month or five years. Like, I would like to hang out with just you. And if anyone gets mad that, like, well, we're, you know, like what, a package deal. Like, I want you to hang out with my man too. No. I would just want to hang out with you. You're my friend. You know, I think we, we have those friends always try to bring their boyfriends around.

Yeah. Would you mind if he comes? Yeah, I mind. You asked me if I mind because you know I'm going to mind. Now I have to be the asshole and say he can't come. Yeah. But I think it's important to just like give a little nudge. It's totally fine to say it.

Also, like if that person is really in love with you and they're going to be around for the long haul, you could take a few hours and spend time with your friends. Like, you know, just I think you should say something. And it's exactly like you said. I'm glad that you like brought up Kate because you guys are so, so, so close. That's like your soulmate best friend. But you guys drifted apart a little. bit. And that's fine too. I've had that with friends. Like, sometimes you just have to give people a little bit of grace and, and just let them come back to normal. And you guys will be fine. Like, you might lose your best friend a little bit. That's fine. It doesn't mean that it's over. Like, life is long. Yeah. And that was like, that was on me too. That wasn't, I mean, we just, we were like just kind of living different lives for a minute. So it's just, it's just one of those things. Also, I will say, so you said, like, make a choice to ask to hang out with them together a little bit. Like, I think that as we grow up, like, we should try to integrate our partner. And we should try to integrate our partner.

into stuff as well. You know, like, if your friend isn't bringing their partner around ever, in social situations where it's appropriate, by the way, with groups, like, why aren't they doing that? I know. Yeah. And there's obviously two things at play here. There's like telling your friend, I want to spend time with you one-on-one, and then

telling your friend like, hey, I'd love to get to know James better, you know, James. But you have to wonder, like you said, if your friend is never bringing their partner around because they know he sucks or they know that they don't act like them. themselves around. You know what I mean? And then what else are you supposed to deduce from that? You're like, we don't know him. And you seem like you're trying to keep us separate. So what are we supposed to do here? 100%. And as I get older and I know you feel the same, it's very important to me to date somebody that can get along with my friends. It's a non-negotiable for me that somebody

can slip in and at least be polite, ask questions, smile, tell a couple jokes. It's really important for me. And, you know, again, I don't know if this thing that I've started recently will last, but if it does, you know, I want him to know the people in my life. And I spent all weekend introducing him to people in my life. And the amount of people that texted me within five minutes of medium, that was so great. I loved him instantly. And watching him, especially talk to Emily,

and she just, my girlfriend, Emily, just a mile a minute. The two of them, like, sat in a corner and talked and made me so happy to, like, see him talk to my friends, see him joke around with you. And, like, nothing will make me like a person more than that. And personally, I'm sorry, if that's not going to be the scenario. Like, I knew going to this weekend, like, if he meets my, friends. He's not nice. He's not friendly. He doesn't want to talk. I'm out. Right. Yeah. And I think we, you see that too. You know, you have a, she's, we have a friend. You're closer with her and her

boyfriend. Well, he just fucking sucks all around. Like, it's not abusive. You know, like, we don't need to intervene. Like, it's really not my business. But like he sucks and he wants nothing to do with her friends. Like he just doesn't give a shit. Like he, I feel like we've been around him. We've tried. He just couldn't care less to be there. And that, I think that's something people see and just fucking hate. Okay. Let's talk some shit. Yes.

Okay. So we're going to get into why you really are justified in hating somebody. If you should have the conversation, how you should do it. One thing I want to say up top, we're not really going to talk about physical abuse today. I think it's a really touchy subject and I don't feel totally equipped to discuss it. I do, we're going to do an episode on domestic abuse down the road. I think if your friend is being abused physically, then there are resources, like I just wrote some down. Again, this can be done with a quick Google, but I at least wanted to address it on this episode.

And the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the National Sexual Assault Hotline, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, those are three that I found. They're all available 24th day, seven days a week, and they can offer advice based on experience and can help find local support and services. Okay. So we got your emails. We're going to go through some at the end, some excerpts from them. But there were some common themes across all of your emails of the guys that you hated, your friends, partner.

I know there's so many couples that are not straight, male, female couples. But I'm telling you, every email we got was, I don't like my girlfriend's boyfriend or husband. Women are great. Yeah, exactly. And this isn't about them to. But yeah, listen, there's a million reasons. of course outside of abuse and I'm glad that you acknowledge that. And said that, we're just going to dive into you don't like them for all kinds of other reasons.

You want to pop off about some of these? Here's just a few, just casual. He is three kids by three different women. He got your friend pregnant and ghosted her before she got an abortion. He's a cheater. He regularly gets nudes from other women. He's lazy, unemployed, broke. He's a moot.

He's worthless. He takes to ban to your friend. He's emotionally verbally abusive. He's manipulative, gaslighting praise on your friends and securities. He's a disrespectful asshole, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, addict. I dated him. So all the things.

No, those were just, these feel more like this guy's a bad with a lot of like he's a felon, you know, like things. And again, people like, you know, we're not going to go down the throat of our criminal reform and justice system. That doesn't always mean that you're a terrible person.

You know, um, or he's a mooch and he's a loser. Right. A lot of that, like lazy, like your friend supporting him or he's a like fucking MAGA. racist Trump guy. I mean, I feel like most of our listeners, we've got a lot of those, like, that you broke up with that guy or your friends broke up with those guys, like, already.

But they're still out there. And those are the things we actually really want to tackle today where this guy's really fucking sucks. Yeah. And so I, at least first for me, would try to separate, is this my problem with somebody or is that my friend's problem with somebody? Do I think this guy is a loser on a mooch and taking care of her? And do I have a problem with that?

Or does my friend actually have a problem with it? Because if your friend is perfectly fine, footing the bill for her man, if she doesn't care that he has three kids with three different women, it's none of your fucking business. It's just not. Right. And also, everybody's different. People stay with people that are cheating.

I mean, you never know someone's situation and they don't always want to share. Like, I think if you have a close friend that you caught her man cheating or you heard that he was cheating, I think, again, touchy subject, I would tell my close friend. but sometimes they don't want to know and they know what their partner's doing and they don't care. And my main thing with all this is assessing the situation like you said and seeing if you're able to maintain

the friendship while she's with this person. Like is it affecting your life? Like is this affecting your energy? Or can you just live a good life, hang out with this friend when you have your one-on-one time or you have your girls' nights and not really let it affect you in any way? Or do you really need to speak up?

I think what it's affecting you is when, every part of the conversation is one of two things. Either your friend is no longer bringing this person up because they know they've even crossed the line with you. And it's just uncomfortable that they're not even acknowledging their partner. Or if it's every single topic of conversation, it's he did this. He said this.

Can you believe this? And you get to a point where you're like, yeah, I can believe it. He's a piece of shit. You know, and you're certainly welcome to say that in a nice way. I'll talk about, you know, something that I did and I'm proud of or not proud of. And is your friend asking for advice, you know?

Right. asking, that's another thing too. We had a situation with a friend of ours and it was kind of tricky. We can talk about this more too. We're like a friend of ours kind of had an awkward situation with her friend's boyfriend, them personally, based on some work stuff. And she wanted to say something. And we were like, we don't think you should. We were like, her loyalty is to her long term boyfriend. She does not want to hear what you have to say. Like you can say it, but it will affect your friendship. Like it's so, it was so apparently clear to us that like this was not. a time when your opinion was welcome.

Uh-huh. And I think that in that scenario, the advice I would give her, if you were saying, like, I had this interaction with this boyfriend, it is so uncomfortable that I cannot possibly be in the same room as this person ever again. You are welcome to say, use eye statements and say, I was put, I felt like I was in a situation where I was uncomfortable. I didn't like the way I was being spoken to. I just want you to know that. It felt a little weird for me. And if your friend really cares about you, respects your opinion, they should be able to spend one second and say, you know, I'm sorry you felt like that. You know, it shouldn't be the end of the world, you shouldn't come at your friend, like you're judging them for dating the person,

you hate that person, you know, hey, I didn't like this interaction, it wasn't comfortable for me, I just want to let you know. I'll clear the air. Because like, I think that in that scenario, the girlfriend would have known. But yeah, in terms of like, you don't like the boyfriend, no one's asking for your opinion. Yeah, I mean, unless they are, you know what I mean? If they are. Yeah, like, if you are being asked, like, straight up, I mean, I think the, the, the tricks here are always, like, keeping those eye statements and, like, making sure your friend doesn't feel judged because we all make mistakes. We all are built differently. We all have different upbringings and traumas and triggers that define who we are. And just because you think,

like, oh, I would never date someone like that. It doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't because of what they have going on. I think it's like a lesson in empathy always of like, I can't believe you're dating that guy. Like immediately someone's going to feel judged, you know? So always come from that place of love. And I think. What kind of starts to make friendships dissolve is that you start to lose so much respect for your friend. And, you know, I have my friends on a pedestal. You know, all the people that I'm friends with, I just think they hung the moon. I think that they're so wonderful. And I think when you see somebody that you initially maybe thought was really strong and cool and awesome and then you just

see them in this really shitty relationship where they're just letting themselves get walked on or disrespected or taken advantage of, you start to lose a little respect for them. And I think that's tough and those friendships go one way or another. Uh-huh. And I think that you had the nail in the head like coming from place of empathy. If you look at just the situational stuff you don't like, maybe he has issues with an ex, a bunch of kids, maybe his job, his family situation, his money situation isn't great. I think you can just say to yourself, this person sees something in them behind closed

doors that I don't see. They want a partner. They feel comfortable and loved. I guess I just have to remove myself from the situation and say, I don't understand it, but if you're happy, I guess I'm happy for you. Yeah. I mean, I think as a general rule, again, everybody's different. I think if it's one of your close, best friends and you feel so strongly that this person is bad for her, I think you should speak up.

Like, I think you've weighted it out. This wasn't a quick fling. Like, they're in it. They're serious. You feel so strongly that this person is bad for them. You've reflected, you've checked your triggers. It's that they really are bad for some reason. I think you can speak up. I mean, I think that always come from that place of love. Here's why I feel the way I do. And I'm still here for you and you can still trust me and I want to be, I want to be here for you. I mean, I just think, I think you can dislike your friend's man and she can know about it and you can maintain that friendship, but those two things can coexist. But we'll get to it. We got a lot of emails of girls being like, A, I wish my friends would have told me or B, I wish I would have listened. So I don't know that

if it's your really close best friend and you really don't like the person she's dating and you really see why it's bad for her. I couldn't like stay mom about it. You couldn't, but also like, if I was dating somebody, let's say that like you thought took advantage of me financially or something. I guess you can ask a couple questions that, you know, do you guys think about money in the same way? Do you feel like, you know, the future looks good. Do you feel like you're being taken advantage of ever? You can ask nicely, but like at the end of day, it really is none of your business. And like, I think that you are welcome to ask me those kind of questions. I have like a few friends. It wouldn't bother me if they asked those, those genuinely like you care about me. You want to

make sure I'm okay, gut check for a second. But like, after that, I think you just got to kind of like move on from it. It's like nobody's business. I mean, you're welcome to say that to people, but like how many times when we have said, you know, I wish somebody would have told me. It's like, if they told me, so. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like, we got arranged. Like, I also think like, if it's your really close friend, you are talking about your relationship. You know what I mean? And if it's your really close friend that you know her inside now, she probably is going to want to know what you think of the person she's dating. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying like wait for that opening and fucking slam in and like just start popping off.

But I just think there's easy, empathetic, loving ways to go about it where you do give them a little bit of a bug in the ear. You know what I mean? I totally agree. I think that like it's like we were saying like you have these gentle conversations. You acknowledge it. I would never date a person not ask you what you thought of them, not ask my best friends. There's a time and place to say those things. Then you've got to kind of move on from it.

And like I wouldn't want somebody to just bring it up. like, I just want to let you know, like, you know, you can say it a couple times, then you've got to move on for a minute because I think that, I don't know, it's a bad, it's probably a bad example, but my, like, ex-fiancee, he just wasn't really right for me. When we broke up, I said to a bunch of people, like, why didn't you ever tell me that, like, you didn't like him? You didn't think it was right. And everybody was like, wasn't abusing you, wasn't treating you poorly.

Like, what am I going to tell you? I don't see that this thing has legs, you know? Yeah, I know. And I think that there's just, this is like, a lot of different situations. there is obviously like no one size fits all for any of this. It's also different. I mean, ultimately, if you just don't like the person, like you said, he's not your cup of tea, I wouldn't say anything unless I was asked.

If you're going to ask me straight up, I'm not going to lie. I completely agree. But if it's, I really see a lot of toxicity. This is like not good. But at that point, it's been talked about, right? If it's like a really fucked up situation, like your friend has talked to you about it. You know, if she just wants to live her life completely blind, I mean, I still, if it's my best friend, if it's my top three best friends, like, I'm going

going to say a little something here. I'm just going to lay the groundwork a little bit. And one thing I really liked that we got an email about and we'll get to it and maybe read it word for word was that this girl said that her friend did get out of the situation with this shitty guy. But one of the things that helped was her friend hearing about everyone else's healthy relationships and not in a like we're going to ambush you and tell you why our relationships are so much better than yours. You obviously don't want to alienate somebody. But in general conversation, like if you're in a really fucked up toxic relationship and you're a little bit younger and you aren't really sure what a healthy relationship looks like, maybe you didn't have that growing up.

Like if you're hearing your friends talk about their relationships that are so different than your experience, hopefully it will start to set in a little bit. A hundred percent. You know, like I said, you never want to alienate somebody, but I love that she said that. Like her friend finally woke up one day and was like, wow, all my friends have a way different relationship than I do. Right. And maybe that friend grew up in a scenario where like her parents had fucked up relationships and they had fucked up relationships with their siblings too and they never saw positive, healthy examples of like really solid marriages. And so they don't even know what that looks like. And you should remind them like, okay, look around your life. Tell me who has a

positive relationship that you emulate. Do you think it's great? Yes. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Because some people just are really, they grew up in chaos. They're comfortable in chaos. You know they grew up with fighting and they're comfortable in that space. But, you know, therapy, therapy, therapy. We know it's a luxury. We know not everybody can afford it. There's so many resources. There's books. There's podcasts. You're listening to one. You know, like, it doesn't hurt. If your friend is struggling and they're coming to you and they're struggling, it does not hurt to be like, listen, I'm here for you and I want to be here for you, but you might want to talk to a profession about this. Because if you can get them to do that, like we, now we're making

progress. You know, like if you can, they go to a therapist, you know, whatever, talk space. or what are the other ones, you know, even if that's where you have to start, like a professional in this field can diagnose these things and help your friend work through it better than you can too. Yeah, and we've seen it happen. We've seen scenarios where like we weren't crazy about someone significant other and they've gone to therapy or they've just worked on it together through different kinds of books and resources.

And it has gotten better. And those people have gotten better. The worst case scenario, I think, is probably like the one that I've been in with somebody for like the last almost year that's pretty painful. and uncomfortable. And I want to speak about it in a way that gives her respect because I love her very much. And I wouldn't give a shit who she was dating if I didn't love her. But I met this guy about a year ago that she was dating. I didn't have a very positive experience with him. I didn't think she particularly did either. And so I talked a lot of shit on him. I didn't think that they were

going to date. I didn't think they were going to be together. She told me some stuff I didn't love. And so I thought that we had mutually decided as a best friend couple that she wasn't going to date him. And fast forward since the summer, they are very serious relationship. Yeah, like a year later. Yes. And, you know, I think that she knew from day one then that I didn't like him and everything she shared with me sort of added to that a little bit. Like I wouldn't say that every time I've heard about him, it's been a positive thing. You know, I haven't been around him since then, but I listen to the way he talks to her on the phone. I listen to the way that he quote unquote supports her or does not support her emotionally,

not financially. She's perfectly fine financially. I don't love it. I don't like it. I don't think that it's how is deserving of how she should be treated, but she's an adult. I respect her decision to go do whatever she wants. However, I am also an adult and I'm entitled to have a feeling about that, you know, when you love somebody.

And, you know, it kind of came to a head. And there's some, I, I knew that we were going to have to have a discussion about, like, his behavior, her behavior, and my behavior in a situation. And I really thought long and hard. You know, I don't want to use, I don't want to say he's always like this. You always do this. You know, I wanted, first of all, specific concrete examples of here's things I don't like that have happened.

And I really started popping off on her. I'm not proud of the tone that I took because I was like, you know, you told me all these things. Yeah. here's five things you told me about this person. And I was like, I am human and I love you. And it would be insane for me to not have an opinion about this. And I'm sorry, but I do.

And I think the other side of the coin is that I didn't want her to feel like she was isolated and could never talk to me about this person. So I acknowledged that too. And I said, I want you to keep talking to me about this. I want you to tell me what's going on. I don't want you to feel like this entire subject is off limits. If this person is important in your life, I will make an effort. Right.

And again, he's not being, he's not abusing her in any way. He's just, it's not how I would want to be treated, but it's her decision. She's an adult. So I probably wouldn't have gotten so heated. But I don't take it back that I said those things and I am glad that I wrapped it up with. I want you to always feel like you can talk to me about this. And maybe this scenario will make you feel like you can't. But you are not alone.

You're never alone. I love you and I respect you. And you can talk to me about this whenever you want. Right. But I want her to take, I wanted her to take some responsibility for the fact that like, I only know this stuff because you told me. Because you're putting me around these scenarios. you're telling me the stuff. And yeah, I'm going to have a feeling about it. Yeah. So in retrospect,

I probably wouldn't have popped off so hard on her about it. But I think at the end of the day, we both drew a boundary. I drew a boundary for how I want to be talked to about things. And she drew a boundary as well and said, this person's important to me and I want you to make an effort. So I did agree to do that. And I think that that's fair to say to somebody also. And I think in the future, what I would do is I'm going to agree to be around this person, what, two hours a month or something. I'm going to show up as my best self. I'm going to try to be nice. Talk to this person because she's asked me to do this. And if that person wants to burn it to the ground, I'll let him do that, you know, but I'm going to show up as the nice person that's trying to be on my friend's side.

And what will be will be. Yeah. And that's just how you are naturally, as I know you, is like, you're not like, I can't be around them. I refuse to be in the same room or I'm going to, we're going to fight. You know what I mean? And it is, it's admirable to be the bigger person, you know, like when they go low, we go high, Michelle Obama. You know, like that's the person you always want to be is like the person that's like you can kind of just sit back and if they're the type of couple

that's gonna like fight in public you're just like all I've done is be nice this evening you know what I mean? You guys go home, you take it out on each other. I have showed up as an adult I'm the friend that has not been the enemy or the bully

and we'll see how this plays out. Right, exactly. Because people's true colors will come out. Yeah. And your true colors are not an asshole. So you're going to be good. We're going to be all good.

Oh, good. in every situation. So, and just one day, you'll get to say, I told you so. No, just kills me. So good. That's the thing, too, though, and that's, like, the part of being a good friend is not ever needing to say that. As much as you know, I love being right.

But I think also being a good friend in these situations is, we all know, you know what I mean? You never need to say it. You never need, if you were telling a friend over and over and over the sky socks, yada, and they never saw it. And then they did see it. You need your friend to know that you're not the kind of person that's going to be like, I told you so.

We all know you told me so. I was there. Right. And I want you to know I'm not going to take any pleasure and be right about this either. I don't want you to be unhappy. I want you to be happy. If I can help facilitate that a little bit?

I mean, we all know. We're saying it on the inside. You know what I don't need to be said. 100%. Because people, I feel like sometimes they are embarrassed to share something that happened that their friend warned them about. You know what I mean?

Because that's the fear. You don't want somebody to be like, well, I told you you you should have known. Then you feel even more ashamed. Of course. And it's like, no, we all make mistakes. We all go through this. We all, like, you know, engage in things that one day we see the light.

You know, the last thing we need to hear is, well, you should have known from your fucking friends. And if I felt like my friends were to say that to me would stop me from sharing with them. And again, that puts like the boyfriend who's not acting right in like the power position. Yeah. Or like you start hiding things from people and I don't want to create a situation like that. So you're right. Yeah. Yeah.

I, um, this story does like bring up a story for me that I'm just kind of like realizing that I had friend that I felt like really the same way that you feel about your friend. And this was years ago. But one instance that I will pull out from that situation was that she was struggling with something and she didn't feel comfortable talking to him about it. And at this point, they had been together upwards of a year, committed boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend relationship. And just trust me when I tell you that the thing she was scared or didn't feel comfortable sharing with him was something really basic that you should be able to share with your partner. And it just completely blew my mind. And so if you have a friend that comes to you and they're like, you know, I just, I have been struggling with

this thing and I feel like I can't talk to James about it. I think that you can, what is it James? Why is James? It was a better name. Maybe Richard or Charles. They're the same name. Let's address it. I called Charles Richard when I was talking about younger a few weeks ago and like one person noticed of all of our listeners because it was the same name and it's the same energy. It's the same name. You said you were going on vibes because I did ask you and you were like, the same. 100%. Anyway, so you're like, I don't feel comfortable talking about this with Charles.

And you should be able to take a beat because that, if my friend tells me that, my heart hurts for her. You know, like, you should be able to take a beat and be like, I love you and you deserve a partner that you can talk about these things with. I'm not going to sit here on a high horse and tell you what's normal and what's healthy, but I know that like the type of person that you are, you're an incredible person. I love you. I want you to be with a partner that you feel comfortable talking about this

with and you can find that person and that is a very normal and healthy thing to want in a relationship. Yeah. And it's just for her, her basic needs weren't being met. You know what I mean? I, she really, this is a pattern. She, the people that she picks, she ultimately should explore this in therapy. And I think that when it comes to therapy too, I always think of the sex and the city episode

where Carrie just talked about her breakup, just like beat it to death with the girls and that they finally, they kind of just had an intervention. I think they were like sitting in the park and they were like, And then she went to a therapist. That also has to come from a place of love of like, I'm here for you, but I can't really offer much more than maybe, you know, you should talk to a professional. I think the tone needs to be not because I'm tired of talking you about it, even if that's the truth.

It's that I want you to be able to work through this and I can't help you anymore. And like, I want you to be able to figure this out because I love you and I want you to be happy. And so someone can help you with this. Okay. I love what you said about like normal and healthy because I think what some people's default is is saying stuff like and this will, this will make me get hot. and medial leave. Somebody says, well, in my relationship, we get like this.

My boyfriend would never do that. You know, just steer clear as much, even if your boyfriend is the king of the world, don't tell your partner that your part, don't tell your friend that your partner is so great. I think you just tell them what a, look around you, what is normal to you, what is healthy. That's a great example of like, you know, if you feel like you can't really, like, trust the person to talk to them about something, that's not, that's not a normal, healthy thing. Yeah. And again, like we talked about bringing up your relationships, those to me are,

like, it's not that a bunch of girls sit around and ambush their friend and say, well, me and Richard and me and Charles and me and James, like, it's that it just is it, those things I think naturally. When I brought that up, I meant that I think that like, over time, the friend with the shitty partner was like just soaking up that info. It wasn't like an ambush. And like, as much as you can avoid the like, well, me and Richard, you know, it's for the better.

It's for the better. And I honestly, I feel better now that it's out in the open. I feel, I feel better that I told her. I still feel better that I acknowledge. like, I love you. I wouldn't give two shits about this person how he treated you if I didn't love you. You're welcome to talk to me about it.

I'm also welcome to not like him. I'm an adult. I'm welcome to have a feeling about the way he behaves. I probably wouldn't go out of my way to invite him to group hangs. But like, yeah, if we hang alone, that's great. I also don't have to talk about him all the time. She's still welcome to talk to me about him sometimes.

I'm going to try not to make a face. When she does it, be an adult. And that's, listen, sometimes you just don't like your friend, significant other, and that's what being an adult is. Yeah. And then if they, end up with them and they're with them and they're going to be with them and you want to appear that you care. You're making an effort and show your friend that you do care about them

and they're, which includes their relationship and then just you just got to ask about them sometimes, which is so annoying. You know, I always do that with my one friend. I'm like, I love you. I need a better name than Richard, James, Charles. Let's get to do a name Cody. Brantley. Like, you know, I'll be like, how's Brantley? Like, I'm doing like the jerk off motion the whole time. But honestly, I know it makes her feel good.

You know, every time we ask about him, she is so excited to tell us, they're fine. I ultimately my fear with that relationship is that they don't make it. And she has dedicated coming up on a decade of her life with this guy. That's my fear. This is a different friend, by the way. This is Ashley's friend. Yeah, but that's also your friend. All our friends are friends.

But, you know, you and I. will be with her and we're like, how's Brantley? And then we do care. I'm being an asshole about it. No, you're not being an asshole about it. I want her to feel like we give a shit. We want to know what's up with her life. She lives with him.

That's her partner. I want her to feel like we care. I want her to know that she's welcome to talk about it any time she wants and talk about the bad stuff if she needs to also. And you know, if she sunk 10 years into this and he leaves her or something terrible happens, then ultimately she knows she has people around her that love her

and she'll be fine. Yeah, absolutely. And again, like, I think there's personal boundaries here too. You know, we've got a few messages. And I think we can relate to this. And so can a lot of you guys have just like, I can't deal with this anymore. Like this is really draining me. You know, like I said, when I was always talking about my relationship with my friends,

I don't think I was emotionally draining them. You know, I think that also who doesn't love to hear about a little bit of drama. But like, I wasn't like, I need you. You know, maybe at the very beginning we were going through like our first of many breakups. Like I needed a little more support. but you're allowed to tell your friend how you feel with love and empathy and also suggest that they talk to someone else

and draw those personal boundaries for yourself too. A hundred percent because we have all reached that point where you're like, I can't listen to this anymore. I can't listen to it. It's the hundredth story I've had to listen to about your fucked up relationship. You are welcome to say that. You are welcome in a very nice way.

And I love the idea of suggesting therapy or a couple of books that you might like. Yeah, like I can't afford therapy. There's, God, guys, there's so much out there. I mean, we've had so many people on this show. Like, I can't recommend our show enough. But I think there's, I don't know. I'm trying to think of like just books.

I mean, just Google them. Like, there's so, so much out there. And I think also like things, like my boyfriend, I don't feel like he wants to have sex with me. I don't feel like he's attracted to me. Like those, there's tons of books for that too and tons of resources for that too. You know, I've had that situation where my friend has opened up to me about their sex life and that it's, and I just say like, if they're asking, You know what I mean? People ask me for a relationship, advice a lot. Because we do this for a living. So again, gently with love and empathy, I'm like,

you should be in a relationship where you're sexually satisfied. You deserve that. You're young. This isn't that you're 60 and you know the sex is gone from the relationship. Like I can't stress enough that that's where you should come from. And I think that hits people in the fields where you say to your friend, like, I love you. You're an incredible person. You should be in a relationship where you have this. You should be satisfied. you should feel loved, you should feel safe, you should feel secure, you should feel happy, you should feel like this person brings out the best in you. And I want that for you because I love you.

And if you weren't getting that, maybe you assess your own relationship. Yeah, if you don't think that you deserve those things, you know, if you're constantly complaining to your friends, you know, he doesn't treat me well, I can't talk to him, the sex, whatever. If you feel like your friend is in a situation where they don't deserve to be treated like that, then suggest that they personally just go get a little help to understand why don't you think you deserve this? And again, that goes back to like everybody is a different life experience. Like I have a very high self-worth. It's probably too high. But like people just don't have that. Again, it's like how you're brought up, what your parents were like. If you had parents in a household, you know, like all these things contribute to the type of partners that people pick. It's a lot of that is people, especially younger, you know, women in their 20s. This is obviously no shade. But even from my own experience, you haven't quite done the work. You might not have you. Like some people are doing the work early on. But I mean, you're 26, 27. You've never walked in. You've

to a therapist's office. You've never read a self-help book. You've never listened to a podcast like this. Like, you don't even know where to start. And so friends can be out of their league with this stuff. And again, a lot of it is that you don't like this person, your friend's dating. They date for a little bit of time. And then they see the light. And then you and your friend are back to good. And then they, you know, hopefully wouldn't date something like that again.

Like a lot of it is, again, it's just that long game, like waiting it out. Yep. And I'm glad that we covered like all these different scenarios. You know, I think that like in the beginning, if it's positive, like you said, you just waited out a little bit, right? And if it's terrible, you're welcome to say your peace. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, like, some people are going to pick their partner over you. It sucks. And I think that you just want to know that you walked away doing every single thing that you could being a supportive, you could, communicating empathy as much and saying, here's some suggestions. At the end of the

day, like, unfortunately, I think sometimes you do have to walk away. And that doesn't mean it's forever. You know, I definitely have friends who've broken up with a boyfriend. We've become friends again. Yeah. And you can break up with friends sometimes. It just happens. Friendships run their course. We say this all the time. We did an episode on friend breakup. and if someone completely ditches you, they just fall off the face of the earth. They don't talk to you. They want nothing to do with you.

You've tried. You were like, hey, can we make a date? Can we get a drink? And they just ignore you. And then they break up with that guy and they come back around. You don't have to be their friend. You can or you can't. You make that decision.

Does this person serve you in your life anymore? You know, we don't need to stay friends with people that we're friends with forever. That's coming from somebody that has like the oldest, dearest friends for most of my life. I've kept so many of the same friends. But also they sometimes run their friends. wars. And sometimes you see a side of someone and you're like, that's not good for me. I don't respect that. It's toxic in my life. I've had those too. Nobody has more like special friendships than me and Ashley. I'm really proud of the

friendships we've built. I've let some people go for my life. It didn't serve me. It was a toxic negative relationship. And I don't miss it. Yeah. You know. I was thinking too like just I have a number of my friends, husbands, not so many, a few, that I just don't. I don't want to be alone with them. They're weird or they're annoying or they're just try hard or I don't. Yeah, you don't want to get stuck alone with them. It's just whatever. What am I going to do?

They're treating them okay enough, I guess. They're with them. They're married for most of the people I'm speaking of. And I just remember that with like one of my groups of girlfriends. Like there was like a husband that was just kind of the outlier that like no one liked, yeah, we all talk shit about it. But like it wasn't to the point of like, we need to tell her. We just dealt with it. Yeah, girl adults.

And then we planned a girl's trip. and we don't have to worry about it. What are you going to tell a grown-ass adult to not date somebody because you don't want to socialize with them? And also, from the other side of things, you know, I wouldn't really take too kindly to it. I'm not interested in my friend's opinions of my man. I want to know that you think he's a nice person.

He treats me well outside of that. I don't care if you think his jokes are funny. I think they're funny. Yeah. And then I, like I've said this before, like sometimes if you have a really toxic relationship that all your friends knew about, and then you try to bring him back in.

Like, it's on you to do that legwork. I said this before. Like when I would always break up and get back together with my ex and the final time, something like really bad happened. And then we did get back together and I wanted to have him come for Christmas. And my mom told, I think I've talked about this, that my mom was like, your dad doesn't want him here. You have, he's really screwed you up. You know what I mean? You've called us upset. Like he did this thing that kind of affected our family in a weird way. Like, of course my dad doesn't want him at Christmas. And so that was on me to call my dad and explain and also kind of like talk about where he was from and why and you know my part in it and not make a bunch of excuses but just like kind of win my dad back over like that was like my responsibility because you really can't expect to just tell your friends all these terrible things about this guy and have them just like immediately accept him because you influence their opinion so now you have to influence their opinion back the other way uh-huh if you're the person and we did want to wrap this up by talking to that person the person who dates the guy that everybody hates you know i think that like i said if somebody just if you're not if that my person is not your cup of tea i don't really care i keep you're your

yourself. I don't care. I am adult enough to listen and be open-minded. And I would hope that if you're the kind of person that's dating someone that everybody hates, that you gut-check yourself and say, like, why am I doing this? And why am I accepting this? And that you're willing to take the kind of responsibility like you did where you're like, I am going to bring him around. And I want you guys to accept him. And here's what happened. And here's why. And I don't know. I mean, if you're having to do that constantly with everybody, then ask yourself what you're doing with this person, you know, and definitely pick up a book or go to therapy or something. But you know, you're also, it's with, well, within your right to say, I don't care.

Yeah, this is what I'm going to be with. Yeah, luckily, everybody loves his personality. Because if he was shitty personality and he treated me bad, can't be both. You can't be both. You can't be one or the other. You got to pick one or the other. You can treat me like shit, but you better come with the jokes. I know, Raina, but that is, we have one friend.

And, like, that's the worst part about it is that we don't see anything good about their relationship. It's been just a mess for years. And we also don't see anything redeeming about him. that's difficult. But what are you going to do? What am I going to do? I mean, I'm just, I have, that's been my scenario too with this girl.

I've never seen anything redeeming about him or the way you treat you're about her. Yes. Like that's when that's when it's really, really difficult. But again, like both of these guys to speak of are men that have jobs. You know, they're not like taking advantage. Cheating. Cheating as far as we know. They just, it's just, they just kind of suck.

And then we think the relationships kind of suck. but like, what are you going to do? Listen, it's her problem. That's not our problem. They're welcome to have wine nights with us and not bring up their partner. I'm done asking. But also I love to hear about like the drama. I do too, but then it makes me hate the person.

I know. I'm like, God, tell me in a way that makes me not hate them, but also makes me laugh and makes me feel better about my life. And that's on you. And if you make me hate him, you have to make me unhate him. Sorry. Okay. Should we go through just a few excerpts?

Yeah. We pulled a bunch of emails and some great takeaways from it. And you guys, of course, always deliver when we ask you for emails about this scenario. So, yeah, again, like crazy, terrible stuff. We didn't really want to read all those. We gave you some of those up top of just like these, how terrible these men are. But we just like some of the stuff you guys said. I will, I'll start with this one.

This was a really bad situation. Again, this is one of the three different babies, three different women. in, cheater, emotionally abusive. Oh, ghosted her before the abortion. Yeah. Anyway, but the end of the email said, she used to tell me a lot of their problems. I started to just listen and not give feedback because I knew she wouldn't do what we both knew was right and better for her.

She tries to balance her friendship with me, but I'm losing. I've come to realize she may not be as good of a friend as I thought she was. She knows she's doing wrong by choosing him over herself and her friends. I'm starting to lose faith in our friendship. That's a bummer. And I still think even if the friendship starts to does, dissolve a little bit, that doesn't mean that you're not there if they need you in the middle the night. You know what I mean? I think at the end of the day, like, unless something really terrible

happens, you can still let your friend know that like, I'm here in an emergency if you need me. Absolutely. And we talked about that in the episode too. You know, I think that even at the end of popping off about how you hate the person so much, you should always cap it with if you really need to talk to your office. I love you when I'm here. I mean, I keep my phone on silent, but I'm here. Do not call me in the middle of the night. I know with you that no matter what, like I've had some scenario. Like the last guy I dated. Like, I know that you didn't particularly, like, think he was the best person for me. But if I really was struggling about something, you weren't going to begrudge me for wanting to talk about it. What you can do is bring in a psychic reader or an

or a reader to tell your friend that they're bad for them. So if you did, if you really, listen. She was like, I don't like him. She's like, I'm fucking, what I suggest is getting Mystic Michaela involved in this and telling your friend to read that aura and that they're bad for your friend. I can't believe you've been doing this to me. These long cons are crazy. I say, but I will say like I, this guy you're dating now, I will take a little credit. I feel like I pushed you towards this. I feel like I had such a good feeling. I'm, I didn't meet this person until four days ago, you know, like I just, I don't know. I had a really good intuition about it. And I feel like you were, you know, you were waffling before you even met him in person. Oh, he knows this.

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, no, just like see it through. And like your first phone conversation, like your first phone day with him, you were texting me. And you were like, it's just like, all we're talking about work. And I was like, bitch change the subject and you're like, okay, okay. And then five hours later, like, I care about you so much. And I just had a really good feeling that this could be a good guy. And so I was like pushing you towards it more where I don't know. That's just, that's on me.

And that's the energy and intuition that I'm getting because the other guy, like he didn't do anything terrible. And I was just like, I fucking hate him and we need to get rid of them. All my relationships and breakups are courtesy of Ashley. But, you know, I do think there's something to be said like, look to your best friend. They know you better than anybody. that person is not an asshole or trying to sabotage you. If that person really thinks this person is bad for you,

at least take it into consideration. If you're also, so much if you're on the fence, ask your friends. You know what I mean? Like, again, so much of this is like, were you asked? You know what I mean? Because I think there are so many scenarios in which, let's say, I have met this guy and I am unsure. And I'm like, I don't know.

He looks good on paper, but there's this and this. And I do want to know what you have to think. Like, because it's really going to affect how I, you know, you see it from the outside. You know me so well. Like, again, if someone's fully in love, full steam ahead, they're not asking. But those beginning stages, like, speak up. Like, you always ask me. I'm like, I don't like, I don't like this.

I feel like he doesn't really, the other guy. It was like, I feel like he doesn't really see what we all see in you. You know, he wasn't the right guy for you. And I, you knew that and I knew that. But, like, you also asked, I'm going to tell you. Totally. And I was, and I asked because I was open to the feedback. and I wasn't going to turn around then

and shame you for telling me. Right. You know? Okay, so this next email, it's from a girl, her best friend of since seventh grade. It's a very long-term friendship. She's talking about her friend's boyfriend. He treats her like absolute shit

and she deserves way better. She cries about it to me all the time. Basically, she hates the way that he treats her and then skipping ahead, they are getting married. And the best friend is the maid of honor. So she says, how do I give a speech at her wedding

and say something nice about him? No, his name is not. not Brendan. Oh my gosh. She's been using Brendan this whole time. Yes, P.S. I have talked to her about this and I've straight up told her. I do not think he is right for her.

This was before they decided to get married. Now that they're getting married, I feel like I cannot say much because I want to support her in her decision. A wedding speech. My opinion about a wedding speech is just, you know, I would talk about him a little bit less. I would just talk about your friendship with this girl, how much she means to you and that you're happy that she has found someone

to be a long-term partner to her. And just sort of leave it at that. You don't have to say he makes her so happy and they're the kind of couple everybody wants to be. Don't lie. I totally agree with you. Don't lie because you'll beat yourself up. I would. Like I would be like I enabled this relationship by lying to a bunch of people at a wedding.

So I think what you said is great. I mean, I have so many tips on wedding speeches. I can do that in their time. But like, you know, talk about why you love her. Again, to keep it less of your friendship. People don't care about that shit. But like why she's so wonderful, why your friend's so wonderful. exactly like Ranah just said, and I'm glad that she found somebody that she could be a long-term partner

with. Like, maybe also, he's a military guy. Maybe also say thank you for your service and leave it at that. That's it. I mean, she has chosen to marry this person. You've made yourself clear. It's like enough. I mean, we all reached a point where like, we've said everything we're going to say. Yeah, exactly. Okay. I'll read this one really quickly in full because, again, so many of these were about hating your friend's partner, but we really gravitated towards the ones where you're the person where your friends hate your partner. And we like to read those stories from the other side. She said, back in college, I had a boyfriend for about three years. And for those three years, my best friends told me they hated him almost every day. Okay, these college bitches.

I'm surprised they stayed friends with me, TBH. He was a nice person, but he was also extremely immature, insecure and put minimal effort into the relationship. But again, we're talking about being in college. You know what I mean? Being young and blinded by what I thought was love, made me overlook all these things, but it was so obvious to my friends, he was not a good fit for me or the friend group. Fast forward to after we broke up and the rose color glasses came off. I finally was able to see what my friends have been telling me for literal years. I was embarrassed and almost beside myself because I had let that relationship go on for so long and I felt like I let my friends down by not listening to them. That is all to say, listen to your best friends because they know what's best for you and what

you deserve. Also, don't beat yourself up. College, you know what I mean? Even like later, you don't have to be 18, 19. Like, just don't, don't, if you're out of the relationship, you made the right thing, don't look back and don't beat yourself up. We all grow up and make better decisions than the last decision, hopefully. Yeah. Okay. Next, next. email, very similar situation, dating this guy, everyone hated him. She said she's never felt alone in her life, but she still couldn't leave him. So just skipping ahead, she said, a girlfriend of mine was in a similar situation. All of her friends left family, shut her down anytime she needed to say anything about the toxic guy she was still with. It was just her and this emotionally

draining person. I thought back to how I felt while I was going through my experience and I said to her, although I do not agree with your current relationship, I promise to always listen when you need someone to talk to. You're intelligent and deep down. I know you know that you deserve better than this. From that moment on, it did exactly what my mom did for me. I listened without judgment and let her know she will never be alone. Eventually she ended things with the guy for herself. This was two years

ago and she's moved on to better and bigger things. To this day, she still thanks me for being the person who never shut her out. It got her through the darkest time in her life. Summary be there for your friends even when they can't be there for themselves. I think that's really beautiful. And like I think

like I was talking about my girlfriend earlier, I think it's important to let people know like I don't want you to feel isolated. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk to anybody because like then that person wins, that partner wins and they have successfully isolated you from the people that are going to tell them that they deserve better. And we all need to feel like we have someone. I just, I love how she was like, hey, I went through this and it sucked. And, you know, I think it's important to not be like, I'm in a good relationship in this house. It should be to be like, I've fucked up too. Yeah. I can know. Yeah, it's the empathy. Okay, this one, she just says,

TLDR, my roommate's XBF, is, was the worst. They just broke up, but I still live in fear. They will get back together. He got out of prison for a robbery. Yada yada yada. Yield at her, blah, blah. A really rude person.

She was always complaining and crying. She says, my advice to someone in this situation, don't tell her to break up with him. Don't judge. Don't be harsh. It will just make her hate you, not the boyfriend. Just listen and empathize and give advice, but assume they're staying together

because they probably are, at least for the time being. Honestly, the thing that helped her the most was hearing me and my other friends talk about their normal, healthy relationships as she realized hers was not. Also definitely recommend therapy to your friend if they can afford it. I think her therapist helped a lot and allowed her to talk through her feelings. But I repeat, do not badmouth him to her. Whatever you do, it won't help. Anyway, I was so happy to see him leaving with two huge trash bags full of stuff and load them into an Uber the other day while all the neighbors stared at him, good riddance. And that was the one I mentioned

before of like it just helped the friend hearing her friends talk about their relationships. Uh-huh. And it's so true. Look at the end of the day, a lot of times your friend is going to pick their partner. I'm not talking about the beginning of a relationship. I'm talking like you are years in. Like you're going to come at a person and they're going to be like, this is who I've chosen to share my life with. And that is a really rare thing to find and it's hard and that's what I'm choosing. So don't make me choose because I'll choose. 100%. Okay. So another email scenario from the point of view of somebody who was dating someone who people didn't really love. Long story short, I was dating someone for a little over five years. The relationship wasn't going on the right path,

but she was blindsided by love. Okay. After letting this toxic relationship go on for years. I was finally out of it. I kicked myself for not listening to my friends and family first. I know this wasn't always the case, but I swear I was more mad at myself for not listening to my friends sooner than I was than I was about the relationship finally ending. So I'm just saying PSA to friends. Tell your friend what they need to hear. It might be tough at first. I know every case is different, but I stayed in something way longer than I should have, even after my friends expressed concerns. Anyways, I hope that this helps somebody and stop second guessing yourself. Your friends are probably right. I mean, like we said, we can't.

stressed enough. Every situation is different, you know, and I just come from that place of empty and love and, like, you deserve a healthy relationship where you feel all these things that we said earlier. There's also people out there that probably wouldn't want to hear that. You know, I'm sure we have on the flip side. I'm sure we have an email on that email box. It was like, nothing my friend said mattered. And I, you know, I wish they would have left me alone about it. But I'm, I'm of the ilk of say it with love, don't ambush your friend. and then let it go. You can make yourself known,

and then at the end of the day, people are going to do what they want to do. And then if they're asking, I mean, tread carefully. I think that we all know things that you say that you can't take back. But like, if they're really asking and they really want your advice,

especially if you're, I don't know, the person that's good at advice. You know, Ray and I get asked for advice all the time. We have a lot of knowledge. Like by this point, we have a degree in this shit. And we were already good out before. That's why we started this podcast.

So if you're one of those people, you know, I have a friend, a friend of ours. she's younger than me. I've always felt like I'm kind of a big sister to her. And she went through this really bad, bad breakup, cheater, narcissist, sociopath guy. And then she went right back into a relationship with a guy that was really a rebound. We would always joke that he had just out kicked his coverage so hard. But she just wanted a rebound. And that's what she did. And this guy was like super in love with her. And we went to drinks one night and she was telling me about their relationship. And I was like,

I think you know that this isn't the guy for you. And I think you know that this was a rebound. And like this guy was a nice guy. Nothing bad to say. But like what you're telling me, I do think it's time to call this relationship. I think that you don't feel the same way about him as he feels about you. And I think this relationship was run its course. And it was what you needed at the time. And this like, isn't the guy for you. She broke out him the next day. I think she needed that. So I think it's always like take a beat, feel the energy. Is your friend really wanting you to push them over that edge? I think we know how that feels. She was one foot out the door. She needed somebody that could look at it from the outside that had knowledge that was like,

Yeah, girl, let's make this decision. What did I tell you? I was like, she broke up with him last night. She's a witch. After we got back. But you chose your words wisely. You know, in those scenarios, I always like to say stuff. If you stay with him forever, I have not said something I can never fucking take back.

You just said to her, I think you know that this is run its course. You know this is not for you. You didn't say like, fuck that guy. He's a fucking nerd. Look at his khakis. Also, if you love your friend and you start popping off, fine. You know, we're all human. But I think we've all been in those scenarios.

try to not be that person that says those things. I don't think that you did that, you know? Yeah. I think you just push her right over the cliff. And all these things too are like the older you get, the lesson I'm constantly learning is don't necessarily pop off the second you feel a feeling, you know, sit with it for a little bit. Like think about how you want to say something too. You know what I mean?

Like if you're like, I got to say something. I have to go off. This guy's the worst. Like let's take a breather. And like let's think about this. And because and how you are going to approach it if you choose to approach it. Yeah. So like we said, approach you with empathy, love, honesty, openness. You're welcome to express your, you know, your thoughts, your feelings. Always just do it from a place. I'm here for you and I love you. And, you know, maybe you guys take a break. Maybe you don't. You never know. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And guys, we have a really great episode coming up on Monday about boundaries. So we'll even be talking more about like setting boundaries and stuff like that. It'll really kind of enhance this episode too. Yeah. Hope you guys love it. We will see you on Monday. We'll see you in Florida for our live shows. Maybe tickets, maybe not.

We've never known less about our business besides Florida shows. We know that we'll be there. We know that we'll be there. We'll be there. And we have special guests. Okay, guys, well, thanks for listening to the bonus episode. If you've made it all this way through, leave a rating if you're listening. May as well.

Follow us on Spotify. Make sure you're following us. So you're one of our followers. We would love that too. And you can find everything you need at girls got to eatpodcast.com at Girls Got to Eat Podcast.com at Instagram. Ash, Hess, reina. rena.greenberg on Instagram,

Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat and we'll see you Monday. All right, guys. Have a good week. Bye.