Girls Gotta Eat - How Much Are Couples Actually Fighting (and Why)?

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

If you're wondering how much couples are actually fighting, what they're fighting about, and how they're making up – we got you! We conducted surveys to ask these questions, and are also sharing our own experiences regarding conflict (and conflict resolution), makeup sex, the advice of "never go to bed angry," why you shouldn't fight over text, and how toxic relationships take a toll on your health. And we're discussing couples who say they never fight (ahem George Clooney and Travis Kelce). Before we get into the topic, Ashley pops off about the new iPhone feature she feels victimized by, Rayna shares the one thing about traveling she can't get right, and we have a foolproof tip for getting kinkier in the bedroom. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Shopify: Go to https://shopify.com/gge and start building your own empire today. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/gge. Just Thrive: Get 20% off your first order at justthrivehealth.com with promo code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples who say they never fight or they've never had an argument. I have so many more questions. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. What's up?

Sorry, we just did another recording and I feel a little spent. We'll be fine. We'll make it through. We'll power through. I know. We did 40 minutes. And I was like, are we done? End of the month.

End of the month, almost your special month. We survived it. Don't you feel like January last year, like, would, there was no end to January. Every day was January 1st. I quit. Yeah, because the fires. But this, hell. This January is like normal January.

Not because just the fires. Don't you feel like January is usually really long? It is 31 days. It does make a difference. February is shorter. I never know how many days are in a month. I don't even know February. You don't know, Anna.

What? 28. Yeah, but you don't know the others? I know the summer 31 and summer 30 and I know the rhyme. But you couldn't know that? You wouldn't be able to guess them? Fuck, no, I could not guess. Raina, you should know this.

No, you don't do the rhyme every single time. No, I just know. I just know which months have a 31. Okay, tell me. Oh, my God. All right, January has 31. February is 28 or 29. I thought it was 27 or 28.

27? 27 would be unhinged. Okay, March 31st. Okay. April 30th. May 31st. June definitely 30. July definitely 31.

August definitely 31. September 30. October 31. November 30? Unclear. December 31. All I know in the ride is, oh, my God. 30 days past.

I thought it's April, June and November. I'm going on like I can just visualize, which like there's no November 31st. I guess that sounds weird, but you could tell me that there was and I'd be like, sure, that sounds right. Okay, are you guys more Raina's friend or more Ashley's friend? Here's a couple things that I can't do without a rhyme or like somebody explain something.

Tie your shoes? No, I tie my shoes pretty good. Also, I never untie my shoes. You don't have to tie them if you never untie. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready. My shoes are all stretched out, and the backs are all switched out. I know, I know.

These are like, obviously, in my favorite shoes and I never untie them. I'm just stretching the stretching them out. But you know, if I stretch it much, I'll buy new ones. That's what it's like to be an adult. I have to relearn that rhyme because I think the rhyme I know is like 30 days past September, April, June, and November, the rest of 31, except for February is 28. Like you just, what you said, I can't even, I don't even, that sounded crazy.

That sounded. I think it's wrong. Like the spell. Okay. Whatever you just did would not help me. Okay. So I know that rhyme sort of. left or right, I don't have to do the L thing anymore with my fingers.

I actually, I think I have a good grasp on left or right. You don't know just what hand you're dominant with? No, no, no. I mean, which direction to turn. Oh, okay. You tell somebody to make a left or right. Like, I used to have to like make the L with my hand. What?

That's a normal thing. Okay. And then the thing that trips me up, the number one, the most in the world is when we get to the airport and it says arrivals and departures. You cannot get a handle on those. It's just like, I am arriving at the airport. So it's just kidding.

She's a language. That is fair. Like you're arriving. I'm arriving. Yeah. I'm not departing at the moment. Yeah. So it feels,

I do have to say to myself like that means flights and not cars. Yes. Who is, if you're coming in or if you're leaving. You are also departing. I would do that as a reframe. You are arriving at the airport to depart on a flight. Well, then it's still,

it's like, which lane? Which lane do I go in? I'm trying to think if there's anything I have like this that I just can't seem to get a handle on. Food words. Yeah, but that's just, I can't pronounce anything. That's just my lack of culture. Okay, let's thank our partners and we can get into it.

Thanks to Shopify, go to Shopify.com slash GGE and start building your own empire today. And Quince get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com slash GGE. And thank you to Just Thrive. Get 20% off your first order at Just Thrive. Livehealth.com with promo code GGE.G.E. And it's sexy season. We're approaching Valentine's Day. It's blowjob season.

It's masturbate season. It's staying and fuck your partner's season. January, you can't do that. But now the January is almost over. Get it popping. No one fucks in January. That's crazy. I haven't had sex all of January.

Is that even possible? No, actually, I start the tour this week. I'll probably have sex. Oh, my God. You get it in in January. Seriously, Raina, this, you have one week. Also, yes, Raina's tour starts this week. Yes. So we can't wait to see you guys.

Oh, yeah, big week. Listen, I'm in New York City at the stand. January 28th, Wednesday night. I'm going to run my full hour. So please come, you guys. Just come. I made it cheap. And then I'll see you in Tampa with Ashley, January 29th.

And I'll see you in Miami with Ashley. May 1st. And it is a 4 p.m. show. May 1st. February 1st. And how many days? is may have 31. My Miami show was May 1st last year.

Your Phoenix show that like, you know, you had me come host and like I was so nervous and I had like never done a set by myself is almost one year to the week of my Phoenix show. Yeah, I love that. Your sister-in-law is going to be there. Are you going to come to that? I don't know. We need to figure out my schedule. I do actually need to sit down and really look at my year.

Yeah. I don't have a big ass calendar this year and I still haven't taken a, down my big ass calendar from last year. I just can't, I can't bear to like take it down. Like I look at the year and I sit there and just mourn. More the year. Okay. Well, you guys can get tickets to Raineyringway.com and those stand tickets at a stand NYC. I don't know. Yeah. Just Google it. You'll figure it out.

But yeah, I'm very excited to start the tour on May 1st with Ashley. It's really happening. But it is Valentine's Day coming up. Ashley and I own a sexual wellness brand called Vives Only. It is the most beautiful premium packaging and the most beautiful, sexy orgasm giving toys. The best products you could possibly have. We have designed these with your bodies in mind, and they are second to none in terms of quality and how soft they feel in your body and how ergonomic they feel in your hand and the

vibrations and the sensations and all of the things. So they are just top of the line. Yes. So this is a great gift to give to anybody or yourself. We have couples toys. We have cock rings. We have air pulse vibrators who just suck on your clit. It's the most insane, insane feeling.

I have tons of them just sitting next to me. We have silicone handcloths, which we have re-released as of today and two new colors. Okay, so Raina didn't really want to do the black. I'll say it. No, I just was like, I want to just try it. Like we, this is the thing that we've really been able to do a lot of colors and it's really fun. So we have this really brand new burgundy hue, and then we have the black. I mean, I love them both.

So it's really just choose your own adventure with those. and they are such a great way to just get into some light bondage, role play. They're one size fits most. There's no lock and key. And so they're just really fun to play around with and just grab out of the nightstand when you want to spice things up and pick your color. Yes. And then finally, one of our best sellers is our Lucy kit.

So we have a Lucy love kit for Valentine's Day. It is four vibrators in one. So you get a little bullet and you get three different sleeves. If you guys are watching on YouTube, you'll see it. But you can slip different sleeves onto it if you want different sensations. So if you want to experiment with nipple play or different rodgistones on your body, this is a really nice way to just try a bunch of sensations in one box. And this is one of our less expensive toys.

So it's a great gift for like a girlfriend, maybe like a girly for Galantines as well. Yeah, it is really great. And the Lucy has been one of my longtime faves. And the Lucy Love Kid is probably my favorite because it does have this one sleeve that you can put on the bullet that is meant to stimulate your nipples. And then the heart-shaped one is great. That feels so good on the clit. and then one that looks like a little lipstick that's just perfect to toss in your bag. It's great on the go.

Yeah. So you guys check all that out at vibes only.com. Yeah. Or if you're watching, I'll just have all these dildos piled up next to me. Yeah, your emotional support vibrators. Okay. Can I tell you something that I just experienced because I just did a software update on my phone. So you might have seen this for a while or I don't know if this is new to me within the last few weeks that you can see when someone is typing in the group chat.

Oh, I've had that for a while. I love it. It's a huge improvement in my life. Raina, what do you love about it? I don't want to see that shit. I don't want to see. I feel like I will be typing and sometimes I'm typing something snarky to screenshot and send it to you and then I delete it. Oh.

I don't want to know when people are typing in the group. This is too many people looking at me typing. That's where your mind went. I don't do that all the time. I'm like kind of making a joke that I'll do that sometimes. I do it all the time. I don't want all these people seeing me typing. Because what if I don't send it?

what if I start typing? I don't send it. Like I feel like I know people are, I'm not that self-centered that I think people are sitting around watching me type, but something about people seeing me type in the group chat hits different than a solo text. In evade your privacy. When it first happened, I was like, wait, I can see who's, I don't, I feel like I shouldn't be able to see that. Like, when I'm on a group chat, there's five, 10 people, whatever it is, even three people. And I'm like, wait, I shouldn't know who's typing next. I just, I really enjoy it because I think sometimes, like, you and I have so many comedian friends and like everyone's just trying to get their jokes in.

And like I, like yesterday, like I was on a group chat with you and Brittany and I could see that you were both typing. And I was like, I can just, I can take it easy now. They're going to tell their jokes. And I can just, they got their stuff to say, I'm going to let them cook. I just think it's, kind of common. What if someone's typing in and then they never sent it? And then like, so many people watch that happen.

It's like, what did they, what were they saying? I think that they just changed their mind. It happens all the time. Yes, you start typing something, you get distracted or you change your mind or you're like, oh, that wasn't worthy of sending. But I think watching people type in the group chat is an update that I feel a little victimized by. It gives you the ick? It feels like invasive.

I don't think I've ever had a thought or feeling I didn't type and immediately had to end. I don't have that inner voice that's like, maybe sit on this for a second. That's never having, unless I'm talking shit. Yeah, I can't explain why it's different. I mean, obviously I've never had a problem with this one-on-one, but something about the group. I'm like, I don't think I'm supposed to be seeing that. I don't want a bunch of eyes on me. I agree, though.

It is like a bit of a jump scare. You are like, that's none of my business. Like who's typing? It's none of my business. I mean, like, what people write about me on the internet. It's none of my business. I'm not going to look. And maybe there's, like, part of me that likes the little thrill of who's going to respond.

I don't know. Like, when you get going in a group chat and, like, they're just popping up and you didn't know they were coming. Maybe that's, like, a surprise I like. Yeah. I mean, I think sometimes you just don't want to see how the sausage is made. You know, you don't want. Exactly.

Like, when you're texting. one on one, you're like only one person could respond. But when you were in the group chat, who's to say? So it's like a fun little hit. And now I just have to know. I have to know. And also like you were typing way too long. That's embarrassing. Someone's typing for 10 minutes and they send something they think is funny. You were like, oh, it took you that long. We saw you type in. Yeah. We saw you workshopping in real time. That's embarrassing though. You got you out with that. To be workshopping. It's watching you work. It is a jump scare. I don't. I don't. I don't know. They just like give you stuff. They take stuff away. I used to have that AI preview for our text messages. Oh, mine are back on that. Are they back? They're back with the software update. I don't have that. I don't know. It never came back. Who knows what they're doing. I never know what anybody's doing. Okay. Well, let's sort of get into it. Let's talk about a cultural moment that inspired the episode topic today, which was, I guess George Clooney says him in a mall don't fight. And then he was on Travis Kelsey and Jason Kelsey's podcast.

podcast, New Heights, and Travis Kelsey also said that him and Taylor Swift have never had a fight. So I went back and watched the clip of that they cited for George Clooney and he was with Gail King. And he said they've never had an argument. And we'll get into kind of like argument versus disagreement versus fight. How people define them as differently. But to say you've never had an argument. And then it says he at least offered a sort of reasonable explanation for his marriage. And I think this was on New Heights. But he says, neither of us are going to win. in the argument, so why get in it? Dude, I'm 64 years old and what am I going to argue about at this point? I've met this incredible woman that is beautiful and smart and she stands for all the most

important things that I believe in in the world and I can't believe how lucky I am. So what am I going to fight about? And that feels a little reductive. I'm also with someone that's, I think, is the most handsome man in the world and we have all the same values. And so do a lot of people feel that way about their partner? But that doesn't mean, you don't. Like to me, and I get it. That's how he feels. I'm not even criticizing it, but that's not the reason you don't ever get in an argument is because she's beautiful and you have the same values. Yes. I mean, I've heard people say, what's her to fight about? You know, and we've been together for so long, who cares? I don't know. I think it's, to your point, everybody defines argument and fighting differently. Do you never bicker? You never disagree. Like, that would be odd to me. But a lot of people think their partner hung the moon. They still disagreements. And I think a lot of people are like, life's too short to argue. And we have the same values. We like all the same stuff. I don't know. Sometimes I'm just tired at the end of the day. You just bicker a little bit. Yeah, and so then Travis Kelsey said him and Taylor Swift have also never had an argument. They're just too rich.

What could they possibly have? So, I don't know, couples who say they never fight or they've never had an argument. I have so many more questions. Like, first of all, how do you define fight? Because if you were like, we've never yelled and screamed at each other, then same. Mr. Sean and I have never yelled, and I mean, raised your voice, yes, but we have not screamed and we have not insulted each other, which I just, the thought of it makes me so sad to think that we would ever say something to intentionally hurt each other. And I've all been in relations before where you were saying something to hurt one another and you're insulting one other. And we have not done that. And so I guess I can say, if you picture a fight and like a fight and there's screaming and yelling and throwing stuff and slamming doors, we haven't had that. But to say you've never. had an argument or a disagreement. Why?

Are you just like, I don't know. We agree on most things. And that's great. We said this before. It's nice that you're aligned with your partner. We compromise. We're not combative, all of that. But like, is there resentment?

Is there stuff that bothers you about them that you're just not saying? Like, are these two extremely passive people? I have so many questions. I mean, I look at like what people fight about. And we'll talk about in the episode because we pulled you guys. We asked so many questions about. What do you fight about? Who starts the fight?

Who ends the fight? What does the resolution look like? What do you fight about? and we had more than 10,000 people submit answers, so thank you guys so much. And we will go back to this. But the list of like, what did people fight about? It was the number one thing was communication,

but chores, cleanliness, division of labor, all kind of wrapped up in one, kids, money, in-laws. So if you hold those things, you'd say about Travis Kelsey and also George Clooney, you guys probably aren't fighting about division of labor. You have tons of people that you've paid to help with that. You guys aren't probably doing the dishes.

Yeah. Kids, again, I don't know, you probably have a lot of help and a lot of staff, money, you have all the money in the world. In-laws, I mean, both Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey, I don't know about George Clinton, they seem to have really super tight relationships with their families. So communication is the number one by far, far and above the thing that people argue about the most.

And I think it is about finding somebody who doesn't invalidate you and make you feel like you're being quote unquote crazy or ridiculous or being oversensitive. It sounds like those people found a counterpart that does not make them feel like that. Yeah. And if that's the case, then I do think. you probably don't fight that much. Yeah, I don't fight. We do not have a lot of conflict. My husband and I, I don't want to sit up here on this high horse and brag, but I want to use myself as an example as someone who was an extremely volatile, combative relationship and

someone who we really do not fight. I can, one hand, I can name something that I would even dare to call a fight. And I really use, don't like the word, because I, again, I don't picture the volatility and the screaming and yelling and the insults, whatever. But like, conflict, literally one hand, I can like tell you all of them. And so we communicate really well. And there's people that communicate better than us. So if you are, like, you have found your person that you have so much love and respect for. Maybe you met them a little later in life and you both communicate really well. I can see a world. Like people who say they don't fight with their partner, I am not invalidating that and jumping down their throat and telling them they're lying. I'm just

not, but I have more questions. I guess I need to know what kind of, what do you qualify as a fight? I mean, you disagree on stuff sometimes. You calmly and kindly figure it out. But like you've not never had a disagreement. And I had, I mean, I had a relationship with somebody for four years where I'd say we never fought. And when he left me,

the first thing he said to me was, I let you win every single argument. I never push back against you. I thought, look at me. I'm always right. I'm fucking crushing it. We never fight. We never have conflict.

And we were so much younger. And it's very partner specific. I didn't think we had a lot of volatility. We didn't yell and scream. At the end of the relationship, he was like, I feel like I have to let you win every single argument. I made more money than him. I was a little bit older than him. I had more experience.

I do see that dynamic. And so it scares me when people say, we never fight at all because it's triggering for me because I'm like, oh, yeah, I never fought either. Yeah. And if those couples break up and one person feels blindsided because the other person never expressed any sort of dissatisfaction or annoyance or grievance at all. I mean, Shishonk is really so easygoing and so agreeable and patient and just easy to get along with.

I mean, I attribute him a lot with our lack of a conflict. Not that I'm so difficult, but, you know, I have like a strong personality and I'm certainly not going to be for everybody. But he is admittedly just less confrontational. Like, he puts me in my place. I mean, he doesn't let me get away with everything. but I think he's just, I was talking to him last night about his previous partners

and he's just more inclined to kind of let stuff go. And but I'm like, but if you can't, it builds up. And the few conflicts we've had, it was like something that kind of built up that he didn't vocalize it in the moment. And so it is a fear of mine always, like to your point that I would be with somebody friend even.

And something's going on and they're not telling me. And they're keeping score. And of course, is not what I think he does. It's not what I think you do or any really buddy that's close in my life. But it is such a fear that someone won't say something and then it will all come rushing out in some conflict or they will, like you said, break up with you and be like all these things, all these years.

And it's just like, oh, how have you not? Then you just, you also feel lied to. It was tremendously destabilizing for me for somebody to be like, you thought you were right all these times and I just let you be right. And to me, that's number one. It's partner specific. It's age specific. I mean, I was 28, he was 25.

I mean, he was so young. Yeah. I don't think back then, I mean, this was so many years ago. Like, we didn't have an avalanche of TikTokers with, that was self-help in a ringlight being like, you know, five signs you're being gaslit. Like, I didn't know those words. And I think there was a net positive to that stuff. But, like, there wasn't so much information on the internet that was just like,

this is what's happening. This is how to handle conflict. If you said to me today, like, if I really ran the tape and I was like, okay, we, I do seem to win. every argument and he never pushes back and he never has an opinion, I really would pause for a moment and be like, does he feel hurt in this relationship? Like, I'm not a detective. We're not mind readers. So if somebody tells you, we have come to a healthy resolution here. You have to assume that that's the truth. But I just, I was so much younger. So was he, like, to his own admission, he allowed me to believe that everything was fine. Yeah. And there are other symptoms too.

I mean, I know you stopped having sex as much, like, which again, that can change over time. Lack of sex is not always because there's a deep rooted issue. But like little things, I think like that's the few times we've had these conflicts. Like our dynamic is shifted in the home. We're not talking to each other the same way. We're not being as cutesy. Something is off. And I typically am the one that needs to dig into it.

And I can't be off with anybody without saying something. You really can't. It's not even you can't get up to fuck this. And I have had to learn that he needs a little bit of time. to process what he's feeling and vocalize it to me. And I think a big thing with him is having to realize he's not you and he's not one of my girlfriends. And the way that we might communicate is not woman to woman.

Like he's just a different person completely. And we really communicate so well. But the couple times when I felt like we can't get there, I have to remind myself that he needs some time to digest what I've said and come back to me. and I just don't experience that with my girlfriends. He's not me. Like you're not as close with him as you're. But literally when we've had these conflicts and we're talking things out,

I have been like, but my head is going like, but my closest people to me, which are women, would be different. And I have to remind myself that I'm not dealing with them. And I will sometimes say all the things. I'm doing a fucking monologue. I'm explaining something why I feel a certain way or what,

what this made me feel or where I'm feeling to disconnect or I'm going on and on. And then he just is he just like listens and I'm like, hello? What are you going to say back? And I think he has to digest it, take it, have some time with it, go for a drive and like come back to me. And that's something I've had to learn. Yeah, I think everybody processes things differently. And also like I think back to that relationship and when he left me, it wasn't a moment where I went like, oh my God, I think everything was so perfect. It was a watershed moment for me where I was like, oh my God, we weren't having sex.

We did have a lot of issues. I was deeply unhappy here. Yes. I think some people are like, we never fight. And if you really ran the tape, you could still say to yourself, well, we don't really have a lot of conflict. We don't have a lot of problems. I don't feel deeply in my soul that something is wrong here.

If I was honest with myself, I felt deeply in my soul that something was wrong. Right. That this was not my longtime partner, that getting engaged was a mistake, that I had all kinds of concerns about. He's a wonderful person. And he still is to this day. he's a kind person. But we had all kinds of issues in terms of money and how we saw our lives and where they were

going to go and how we wanted to live. And I had a lot of problems in that relationship. But I just wasn't willing to see them because I was just like, oh, I'm right. I'm right. And I thought dirty too. Like I think that you grow up and you change. Like I, we would get in some kind of disagreement and I just wouldn't answer his calls for like 12 hours.

I would like go to friends. I would make sure he like didn't know where I was. It was super manipulative. Like that's so unfair. And that's not something I would ever do to somebody. I know. I mean, I really think back to relationships. I mean, you know, one in particular and I guess others too that were fighting dirty like you said and just you're doing stuff to sometimes really hurt the person on a deep level or just confuse them or again, like make them wonder where you are.

Like these aren't like fun games. Like you really got to check yourself. I'm like, is this what I want in a relationship? Like I know some people operate different. in their relationship and that toxicity, they need it. And I would suggest working on that in therapy. But I mean, if that's what works for you and you consider yourself happy and you really like the thrill of that, that's fine, but it could never be me to feel more safe and secure. And, you know, I think if you fight all the time, if everything is a fight, you're always

walking on eggshells, you're always triggered, they're always triggered. And you've worked on this and you've tried and it doesn't change. that's not the person for you. Like it doesn't have to be like that. Like I think there's seasons and relationships where things can feel tense and big changes, like having a kid for an example or someone's out of work, they've lost their job or you're dealing with family drama or trauma. You can have a season where there's more conflict and tension.

But if it's like that all the time, it's not healthy for you literally, like your mental health but also your physical health. Like I remember just always feeling that stress in my body, like when your cortisol levels are up, like your stress hormones are up and you were dealing with chronic stress. And I was looking this up because I just wanted a little bit of proof to back me up. I mean, it obviously impacts your mental health and your emotional health, but also your physical health. You can gain weight. You're fatigued. Do you sleep less? You have mood swings, anxiety,

irritability, memory, concentration problems, high blood sugar, high blood pressure, weakened immunity overall, which can make you prone to illness. Like, it literally makes you sick. Yeah. If things are bad at home, things are bad everywhere for me. Also, it's pervasive. I can't focus. Like when it's all the time. It's chronic. And you know if you were chronically fighting with your partner and your relationship, you know that you are fighting more than you're not fighting. Everybody around you know. And it's everybody around you knows too. So we will get into some of these stats and go over all this stuff. We're just going to take a quick break. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys about Shopify. I mean, Shopify is the platform that Ashley and I literally have used to run the girls got to eat merch platform and all of vibes only for many,

many years and we could not do either without this. And with Shopify, you can easily set up an online store and start selling your products literally in no time. So Shopify is the best place to start a business like ours. It is the one commerce platform behind big brands that you know and love. So if it is a side hustle, if you want a full-blown storefront, Shopify takes really the guesswork out of all of your business scaling. They have unbelievable reporting.

So Ashley and I have access to every single order, every single product in our entire catalog on our phones and our computer. it's so easy to use. We have tons of users in our company that are in and out so everybody can log in. There's tons of AI tools that can help you with directions, reporting, editing images, content ideas. You can build a whole website, a beautiful professional-looking website on there. There's tons of plugins in terms of payments. I mean, Ashley and I could not run this business without Shopify and many, many people could not either. It has made it possible as to scale and to keep tabs on everything no matter where we are. I mean, it is really our one-step shop for both of our

businesses. So if you are ready to build your own empire, whether it's merch, products, or the next best idea, get on Shopify.com slash GGE and make it happen today. And that app, ching, ching, every time you get a sale. I love that noise. It's such a rush. Yes. The app is great, too. Okay. And I am telling you guys about Just Thrive. Okay. So this past weekend, I just like ate poorly. I really was really out of character for me. Just like a lot of like fried foods, the beers, processed food. Like it just, I felt so bad. And because my gut was off. And when your gut is off, everything feels off. Your digestion, your energy, your mood.

Like I woke up this morning, I was just like in a bad mood, you know? And like it's because it's in my body. So every day your gut is fighting a silent war. I'm talking about fighting today. But your gut is fighting for its life all the time against processed foods, stress, and even toxins in the air. And when your gut struggles, like I said, your whole body feels it. So we love Just Thrive and we trust them. Most probiotics never make it to your gut alive.

And that is why they don't work. But Just Thrive is clinically proven to arrive 100% alive and deliver. measurable results. And it does something no other probiotic can. It turns your gut into an anti-axon factory, creating protective compounds exactly where you need them most. For you, that means better digestion, healthy immunity, much more energy and easy weight management. Just Thrive probiotic comes in capsules or berry flavored gummies. They are delicious. So there's an option for everyone in the family. We love the gummy. It's like a little treat that's good for you. For over a decade, Just Thrive has been helping thousands of people take control of their health with science-backed

solutions you can trust. From their award-winning probiotic to their full line of gut immune brain health supplements, Just Thrive is ready to help you live your healthiest life. So we love that. This isn't just like some new business that wanted to jump in on the health movement. They've been around for over a decade and really helping a lot of people. So our challenge is to try Just Thrive Probiotic for 90 days risk-free. Visit just thrivehealth.com and save 20% with promo code GGE. See the difference for yourself or get a full product refund. No questions asked. Take the 90-day Just Thrive probiotic challenge. today at justthrivehealth.com slash gge and be the best you with just thrive.

Okay. And Quince, literally there is almost not a day that goes by that something on my body is not from Quince. If you are thinking about a wardrobe refresh, Quince is where you want to go. They've got you covered for Lux essentials. They feel really effortless. They look polished. And I literally cannot believe the price on any of these things.

So I was going through my sweaters. I was looking at all the cashmere sweaters. They have Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Ashley and I have the cardigans, the turtlenecks. I mean, they've held up for years in my closet. The best. The jeans, I posted these jeans and this bag. So the women's Bella stretch, relaxed, straight gene.

They also have a patch pocket one. The length on them is great, especially for short girlies. They're $50. I cannot believe the quality of these. And then I just bought this bag. It's the women's Italian suede slouchy bag. Comes in a ton of colors as well. I don't know what they're doing over there,

but the pricing is unbelievable for what you get. I get so many compliments on all the stuff I wear from Quince and they have everything you could ever possibly need. They've betting. They have luggage. They have all the things. And everything with Quince, their pieces are made with premium materials

in ethical, trusted factories, and then priced far below. What other luxury brands charge? I'm just, I'm thrilled. I really am thrilled. They're not marking that shit up, you know? They're just passing the savings on to you. You'd love to see it.

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash G-G-E for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada 2. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com. to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash EGE.

Okay, so we have a bunch of stats and research to dump on you guys. But I do just want to direct people to a few other episodes because we've been talking about fighting the whole entirety of this podcast. So we did a few episodes if you guys want to look back because today we're going to talk about kind of what's normal. But if you're like, but I need more conflict management resolution and all kinds of stuff. So we have a lot of great episodes. We did an episode with Dr.

Goralnik from couples therapy in April of 2023, how to manage and make sense of fighting in your relationship. That was a really great one. Raina did three solos, fight smarter, not harder in April 2020. Should I be mad about this? It was November 22.

And then I love this one, Raina. Do you remember just say the thing from January 2020? She said Raina did three solos? I was like, I did? Wait, oh. Did I say Raina? I thought I said we did three solos.

Did I? Guys, that's just Raina. on our own. So take a listen to a solo podcast. Just say the thing was really great about like speaking up and voicing your concerns. And then we did how to complain to your partner and your friends the right way with Guy Winch in September 2020. So we can maybe make a little story with these and listen for you guys. But just there's a lot out there with a wealth of information on how to fight smarter,

not harder in your relationship. Everybody fights. Yeah. Except for not you guys and not in my last relationship. But we do have conflict. But again, like I have been a different person in my 20s, in relationships, and my 30s and my 40s. And my 20s were just reactive and expectations were all out of whack and just kind of being immature and not having the language and the resources, especially that we do now. And just being young.

And my 30s, I was in a toxic relationship. And that was the first time I had a really, like, in love, passionate. it like this is who I'm going to end up with type thing that turned out to be really toxic and it was nonstop fighting and you wonder am I always going to be this person and you're not and I have grown up a lot but I also found somebody that is obviously a way better match for me and we have a really healthy relationship and overall your partner should enhance your life and not make it worse and not every single day like we're all human but if you look at the big picture and and your life together and the part that they play in your mental, physical and emotional well-being,

is it a net positive? I mean, I tell you all the time. I mean, he has literally, I credit you, but he has really changed you. You are, I'm not going to say, you're a patient person. You have attained a level of patience. He is impatient all the time. It's crazy. Maybe you're patient with him.

But I see the way you react to him, and I've said this always, because one time you were telling me about sort of like a disagreement you were having, and you were so calm about it. And I said, isn't this so nice? Like, you're dealing with somebody that you knows your teammate and is on your side and is not trying to attack you or do something to hurt you. I think you trust that you're with somebody who would never do anything to make you feel badly on purpose. And there's a lot to be said about how you counteract that, you know?

Because I think in the relationship that was so toxic for you, you felt like you're being attacked by this person. That wasn't your teammate. He wasn't on your side. He was trying to hurt you. I don't know. It's like you've got to ask yourself. Like, do you feel like your partner's out to get you?

Like, when something happens that upsets you, do you think the war? first. Like, I think the best. I, we love and respect each other so much. I mean, that's my, that's my husband. You know, like, we really would never think the worst. And additionally, even when we've had conflict early days before we were even engaged or married, you know, before we were locked in, like, I knew that it didn't mean the end of the relationship. I could rest easy, like, very rarely. But when we have had a problem and we have gone to bed when we were long distance or even now still in the conflict. I could still sleep. I mean, it wasn't the best sleep of my life, but I wasn't up all night just reeling and like, what is this?

Are we over? You know, and I just feel at ease and secure in our relationship that this doesn't mean it's the end because we have a conflict. I think it's, you know, about finding their partner. I think you just, we talked about this earlier. We don't, we don't want the whole obviously to be like, sometimes you just get older and you get better. But like when I was younger, I just let it fucking rip. And it does feel good sometimes. Like all the nice, like approach it with kindness and use eye statements. I know all the things you're supposed to do. Sometimes it really felt good to just go fucking crazy. And I don't know. I think about how I want to spend my days now. And actually like what would I like the outcome to be here? I'd like the outcome to be that we're

fine, that we're together, that we respect each other. I haven't hurled a bunch of insults at somebody. Like I just think when I was younger, I just shittier partners. And I didn't care if I hurled a bunch of insulted them. It was funny. I didn't give a shit. Yeah. And I was just more toxic. Yeah. And just being more reactive in general. I mean, I just used to feel like the second I was triggered by someone, anyone, I have to respond in that moment. Like, I don't know what that is, that like sense of urgency. And again, I think I had a partner that brought that out in me. But that's my biggest tip. And I see the growth even today. Like if something happens with Shishonk and I get that feeling of like, that bothered me. I like sit with it for a minute. How'd you teach yourself how to do that?

I mean, just with self-talk. I mean, and also he's not, he's not doing the things that my exes have done, but it's this self-talk. And like, I feel the growth from within, like the take a pause, take a beat. A, did he, not him, but anyone, did he mean it like that? Have you interpreted something via text or via a tone? Like, what actually happened here? Take some time and space away from it. Ask yourself, but this is a pattern or this is a deeper issue of whatever it is that pissed yourself off and ask yourself why talk to somebody, talk to your friends, talk to your therapist, talk to chat GPT. Like you have to de-escalate before you pop off like with any relationship. That's what I've learned. Yeah. I mean, I think what about like the end result to be working and I work backwards from it? Yeah.

No one. I mean, listen, again, I can't stress this enough. I was a toxic mass in my 20s. And I was comfortable living like that too. I think. I was just like, this is just how it be. But I don't want to be like that now. Yeah, and I think of those times, like being out with friends and be like head down, just text fighting. Like, I, when I watch people text fighting with their partner, like, I want to cry. I want to cry because it was me and I ruined a New Year's Eve party. You know, like I ruined events, friends events, birthdays, whatever, because I was in the corner fucking text fighting. He's part of that too.

He wouldn't let me stop, you know? Like, I would think, like, Ashley, put it down, put your phone away, enjoy the time with your friends. and he would keep coming at me, you know. Oh, that's my partner, my ex. So it's like hard. You want to defend yourself and you want to, oh, my God, I can't believe it. You know, and you're being super triggered. But like, I see people doing that.

And I'm like, oh, so, like, why are you doing this over text with your partner? You know, like, if you feel something starting to get inflamed, it's like, whoa, let's, let's do this when we get home. Or let's do this when we see each other next door. Let's at least do this on the phone. Well, you know me. I won't get on text with anybody. I'm picking up the phone. It will not do it.

But that's a sign of maturity and growth because we've all been there locked in a corner fucking text fighting with somebody, whether it be a friend or a partner. And so you just don't do it. Just refuse to do it. I would. I just don't think anything is going to get resolved that way. Sometimes you want to say something like really mean. I don't know.

I mean, I'd rather voice note it to somebody. Like anything will be misinterpreted in text. Like nothing good is going to come about it. Yeah. Come from it. Nothing good is going to come about it. Yeah. And I mean, if you have to say a thing and they're at work, like, don't try to fire someone up at work, you know?

Like, I used to do that shit too. I used to do that shit. It was really mean. It's just like, say, like, I'm upset because of this. Use your eye statements and be like, we'll talk about it later. Like, just, you know if you're firing someone up. I'm doing it on purpose. And I used to just be really.

Exactly. I mean, I really would, like, leave the apartment for hours. Sometimes, like, the whole night. I would, like, stay at Melanies or like, run. I just, it was mean. So we are going to tell you guys a lot of these poll results, and we just can't thank you enough for what you offer to us. I mean, to say that 10,000 people, sometimes 20,000 people submit to these polls.

I mean, nobody has access to information like that. So thank you for sharing your lives. And this is embarrassing and uncomfortable. And it's a tough topic to be like, I initiate a lot of fights. I start fights, you know? And so I don't think mean you should be embarrassed. I just mean people find it embarrassing. People have shame around all these kinds of things that we ask you.

guys about and we appreciate you sharing always but I will say I mean even if you try to Google search how often do couples fight you try to ask AI I mean it's hard to study this stuff you know like this survey is as good as any and it's 10,000 people and if you guys are listening to this it's 10,000 people that are similar to you in some way because you're all here answering this or listening to this podcast so it's just like we love doing this because it really gives clarity around what's quote unquote normal and we did the episode how often do people really have sex. And I think that was so eye-opening and validating. So this is kind of what we wanted to achieve here as well. Yeah. So I guess we can just start with, I mean, we asked just straight up, how often you fight with your partner? So 52% of people said rarely, which doesn't mean never. I mean, once or twice a month was 37%. So a lot of people are fighting a couple times a month.

And again, can't stress this enough, fighting means something different to everybody. So we did not, we never asked what constitutes a fight. Well, the next one we kind of talked about it. But I just want to say rarely means less than once a month. So that's pretty good. You know, like half of the people that answered this are really not having conflict monthly. But it's okay if you are. Like Raina said, once or twice a month, 37%, once or twice a week, 10%, and 2% constantly.

It's interesting because people are only reporting on their own behavior, right? I thought it was interesting. We'll talk about who starts the fight versus who resolves the fight. Everybody thinks they did not start it. And everybody thinks they also resolved it. everybody's like, I'm not the problem. It's them. It's interesting doing one side of this.

Yeah. And like what you think about yourself. Yeah. We're not saying anyone's wrong here. I'm just, it is interesting to see this. Okay. So how often you fight? Two percent say, only two percent say constantly.

I think it would be so interesting to see this 10 years ago or even 15 years ago. Like I just, I think about it every day. I'm so fascinated by what like TikTok and self-help and AI and all this has done for people's ability to like self-soothe, understand a behavior. behavior ahead of time. Like, I really shit on the amount of, like, information that's out there. Everybody has, like, a PhD in feelings. We all think that we're so smart.

But, like, I do think people are realizing red flags sooner. I think that they're realizing this is not healthy sooner. I think people are getting out of a relationship sooner. Like, I am obviously older than a lot of our listeners up 40, but, like, or the same age as you, but that constantly feels like I used to know people like that more in my 20s. I don't see that that much anymore. And I wonder how much people just have evolved in general because of how much information is out there and I like to see it.

2% constantly, that's amazing. Well, also having a boyfriend's embarrassing. So I think every year that we progress, people feel like women feel like they don't need a partner as much as they did in the old days. You know, like we are just getting more progressive in terms of women's independence and all of the things. Well, hopefully, you know, I think we are definitely going back in time

and we will be Handmaid's Tale in the next 60 to 90 days. But, you know, I think in general it's just like, The time of this episode. The time of this episode, we still have rights. And we can speak freely. But I think in general, like, women are settling for less toxicity and just they don't need a partner. So I think they're just like, I don't want to be in that.

And so it was really encouraging to see the 2% as constantly. I think that's a great point. I've really thought about it. People just stayed in relationships that were really bad because what else were you going to do? Yeah. And now you get shamed for it. Like, I think it used to be like, you're going to be in the relationship because it's better than being alone.

And now I think you're like, it's an ick. You know, those toxic couples, like, it's not cute. And you don't want to be the person in the corner, fight, text fighting. Like, it's become embarrassing to be in that type of relationship, which you love to see it. I think people think that they're better than that. And they are. Yeah, I think there is just an air of like, I'm, this is beneath me. And to go along with that, we asked when, when you fight it is usually and the response

for small disagreement. Small disagreement, 70%. Yeah. So to your point also, like, I think that there aren't these like World War III fights because that was 1% of people. Full blown argument, 12% passive aggressive vibes, 18%. So 70% small disagreement. Yeah. Which is great to see. To 1% world war three. I mean, I got to dive into. And that's by the way, hundreds of people, by the way. Like it's not, it's 1%, it's 2%, but it's hundreds of people. 1% of 10,000 people that are doing this. It's that's normal. I want to normalize it too.

like if you feel like you are in that toxic relationship, you are not alone. You got to get out of it, but you're not alone. Right. Don't beat yourself up, but... I mean, sometimes I'm happy for those people because they entertain me. Please do it publicly, obviously. Not that I love more than watching couples fight in public. Okay, so for small disagreements, I think that like these small issues can feel really

charged a lot for people, I think, because, like, you've these, like, service fights and a lot of things are, like, under it. And so these small disagreements, I think, like, sort of escalate and they aren't really about that topic. And so I understand, it makes sense that most fights are kind of about that. I want to validate that's probably like what most people are dealing with. Small disagreement is like, you left the dishes in the sink. But the main issue is like you don't help me with the housework.

It's so true. I mean, like a dumb little thing can still lead to someone feeling dismissed or disrespected or hurt. But like when you actually run the tape, you're like, oh, my fucking guy. Like I can't believe that shit led to, like you said, it's the dishes or it's a thing. It was something small that just was snowballed. The worst most nuclear fight I think I've ever had I mean definitely a top three

was the guy that I was dating showed me this video and it was about how men it was like a dagger of men's brains and they could only think about one thing at a time and I said something like men are so stupid like it was just like it was funny

that was the point of the video that like men can have 500 different things going on but they'll only like respond to one question you ask but women's brains it's like a thousand things going around all once and I just said like men are so stupid and it escalated into this like is this what you're not

you think of men. Is this what you think of me? You just think, and I was like, oh, this is a little deeper for you. Like, yeah. This is what you think. I think of you. I've said things to indicate this is what I think of you, I guess. Like, you're really triggered by my response to this. You're taking this real personal. But all, I was, the whole point of the video is that men are, yeah, and like, he was kind of stupid. Well, he took it personal because if he knew there was some truth in it. It is funny. Like I think I've talked about this in the podcast. Like that day I think I went up and I was wanting to work out like in a hotel and like these like sweaty men were on the peloton's and I was like so pissed and they just like ruined my morning.

And I was telling Shashong goes like, I just like men ruin everything. Like they just like gross. These men are up there just like sweating and they're like ruined my morning. Like men ruin everything. Don't they. Men ruin everything. I'm saying to my husband. He was like, Ashley, I just like wrong audience.

He kind of clapped back. He was like, yeah, all right. You're annoyed because they were on the Pelotons. Like, go talk to Raina. I was like, I will. And I will go talk to Raina, and she will validate that men wrote everything. I also thought you were just annoyed about the Pelotons,

but I also validate that men ruin everything. Thank you. I knew you were just annoyed you couldn't get on the Peloton, but I was like, you have picked a villain in your story, and I think it's the correct villain. Yes, two sweaty men. It's not circumstances that other people are at this hotel. It's men.

Yeah, stop sweating in public. Who gave you the right to be in your right? Who gives you the right? Okay. Then we asked, do your fights usually escalate? 47% said, no, we stay calm. Okay. 48% though, said sometimes.

So more than, the majority is sometimes, which I think is the norm. Yeah, I think that, you know, it depends on when you get me at what point of the day. What's been going on. I've been going on. It's a million triggers, restress, timing tone, emotional buildup. Am I already mad at you about other shit? Is money an issue? Do we have kids?

Damn. All right. I'm reading on this outline. Okay. Okay. And then 1% said almost always and then 1% said every single time. So those are similar. So, you know, again, like not negligible, but the majority is staying calm versus like sometimes

they escalate because they do. Yeah. I think that's, listen, as long as it doesn't escalate into like harmful behavior, I think it's fine. It's normal. It can't happen. Sometimes you're not trying to deal with that shit at the end of the day. Yeah.

And this is not a hot take, but relationships are an experiment. They are a learning experience of realizing how someone is in all these different situations. I mean, you can really go a long time with somebody that has healthy communication skills and they're secure and so are you and you agree on most things and you have similar interests. Like you can go a really long time before a conflict arises months, a year, like forever. I don't know. It's just, but when they do, you will learn quick how they are in conflict. And it may not be what you expected. And like I said, I mean, I think we as women are better at.

processing our emotions and being able to name them and pinpoint them and talk them out. I think we're quicker to want to talk them out and resolve things. And I think a tale as old as time is a woman that's like, I want to fix this. I'm ready to fucking fix it. I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm going to be communicative. I'm going to be honest. I want to fucking fix this.

And the guy cannot, can't. And he has to go on a drive or he has to go in the garage or, you know, think of my dad. He had to go in the garage. And like, Chejohn's got to go drive up in the fucking hills and think about stuff. I mean, it's just like men do need to retreat. I mean, men are for arms, women or for Venus. I read that like so long ago.

And I do really think that there's some misogynistic vibes to it. But that was one of the things I feel like I really learned in my early 20s was about men needing to retreat and go into their cave and think about stuff. And not all of them. But I do think this is the thing that can escalate the fight is, let's just say, it's the female partner if you're in a heterosexual relationship being like, I want to fix this. I don't want to walk around this house intention anymore. And he's like, no, no.

I just, okay, so to your point, I want to read a stat and then I want to talk about it. So we asked, how long do you stay mad after fight? So the initial argument before the resolution. So just for minutes, 40% of people, I don't know who is staying mad just for minutes. A few hours is 44%. One to two days, 11%, and until further notice, 5%. So everybody stays mad for different periods of time. And I think there's a real difference between processing something and holding

onto resentment. I mean, I do need a little bit of time. I'm in space usually. Like I need to say to myself, like, you're not going to feel like this in an hour. Yeah. You are not going to feel so angry. Like, I have been more of the person that needs to go for the drive, needs to go for the walk.

I need you to not press me on this right this second because like you will get a bad version of me right now as opposed to if you let me go have an hour or two. And I use that to probably like hurt people in the past when I was saying my early 20s. I would just disappear all day. But like I think it's okay to have like a cooling off time period and still like let your partner know. Like, we will discuss this. I just need a little time. Because I do, I just, I know that I'm going to react poorly if we have the conversation right the second. Again,

take some time and space and figure out how you actually feel when you're not heated and you can't feel that anger in your body or in your brain. But the one time where I do feel like we had a conflict that lasted a few days. It's only happened once. But like I feel like Shishon couldn't completely get there and articulate to me like the thing that kind of started the whole, whatever. It's like I'm not going to get into it. And I apologize if you want more, but I'm protecting my relationship and like, you know, what I'm sharing. And again, it wasn't anything huge, but it was just like, I told him, like, thank God you finally were able to figure this out and what I did that upset you in the first place and how we got here. But we have lost a couple days, like, being quieter around

the house and going to bed and not a great place and not being ourselves with each other. And like, I just don't want to do that. And like, I'm not, I don't want to pressure you if you need some time. if we have a conflict down the road. But like, if I have a note, it is like I'd like to work through things. I don't want days to go by like this. Like, we love each other. Like, nothing terrible happened. Like, and I think he was like, I will work on. I don't want that either, you know, but I get it. It's frustrating. And this is what my mom deals with my, with my dad. And I really feel for her. And my dad needs days. And he can't figure it out. You know, it takes a long time for him to come back around and A, say what he's

upset about or be, apologize if he needs to. And I feel for her, and that's probably her biggest critique in their marriage. I mean, that's been everybody's critique in a relationship with me, that I am that person. That I really, I mean, you know that I'm like, I just, if it's a pervasive issue and I'm like, I know the way I feel is not

like a situation that I'm upset about. It is a larger issue and I'm going to hurt your feelings when I say it. So, like, I, it's, I just, I avoid those things. I get really nervous. Everybody I've ever been with, my family, friends of mine have been like, you refuse to share this. And I've worked to get better on it because I know that that's like very hurtful to people. Because like you said, you lose days. Sometimes people lose weeks. It's just in this weird, nebulous. Like we're just kind of mad at each other. Well, and then you get another person like that that's not going to bang down your door like I will. And would you stop being friends? I mean, again, it's like how much does it snowball from days to weeks to months and then there's not a friendship there anymore? And that's an extreme case. But if you have two people that are like that and, you know, I'm not even, I don't think

you're stubborn at all. I don't actually think that's not a word I would use to describe you or really any of the people that are super close my life. So I'm probably besides my dad. But it's just, if you have two of those people, I mean, I'm sure there's couples that have broken up because they're both like that and they were both stubborn and they couldn't get there. And they maybe lost something good there. I'm not stubborn. That's not the, it's just I don't know. Yeah, I don't think you're saying I'm stubborn. But I just don't know how to say it. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to say this and I can't take it back. This is the thing I feel about you as a person.

Yeah. It's hard for me to get those words together. But I think that as I've gotten older, I've just, I see the best in people. I know the people that are there trying to hurt me. I don't want to hurt them. I try to, I'm just better at softening things, you know? I just, you know, we get older, we get better. Totally.

And I do think you do really give your friends and the people you care about the benefit of the doubt. And obviously we talk about us all the time. Like, it is way different than like if we had conflicts early days. I just wouldn't hear from you. I guess she's dead. And I guess the podcast is over. Because why would she not be texting me?

Yeah, our complex style is really different now. I really, I thank your husband. Raina, we've been doing good for a long time. I said that one summer we fought a lot. Okay. So this is actually a staff that I thought was really interesting. Who starts the fights and who initiates the resolution? Okay.

So, I mean, most of our audience is, is, is female. So this is mostly women saying this. So most people say that they did not start the fight. And most people also say that they initiate the resolution. So every, all the women in our audience are perfect. And I love you guys. And I just, I love this so much. But listen, none of us really think that we're in fault. No. Okay. But let's do the stats. Because I like the majority stat for who usually starts the fights. So who usually starts the fights? 33% said me. It's me. I'm the problem. It's me. of you.

6% said my partner. I like that. That's not putting a bunch of blame. Okay, we alternate 23%. I like that. And then I should let that out. And then 37%, the majority who answered this said hard to say they just kind of happen. And I feel like that's so real where you're like, I don't even fucking know.

It just all of a sudden, it got weird. It just got weird. You know? And then who usually initiates the time? 50% may. But that feels like a female trade to initiate to drag it. Like when I think of the couple times with Shishonk, I visually picture myself pulling something out of him.

Like the first time this happened, like first real fight summer 2024, I felt like all day I had to pull out of him why he was pissed at me. I mean, listen, I'm the last male apologist alive. But I do understand that like men are not taught to value feelings. and like being vulnerable and saying how something makes them feel.

And I don't think that men, I think it's getting better, but men have not traditionally been raised to like, talk it out and say you're hurt. So they weren't like given those tools so young. And so now it's our problem. Well, he has a sister. And so he's doing it. He's already got a leg up on all those other men that don't have an older sister. But yeah, so who usually initiates the talk, who starts the resolution.

50% said me, 19% said them, the partner. 27% said whoever snaps first. So you started it, you have finished it. And we avoid it forever 4%. That's a lot. I mean, this feels like Shishonk and his previous relationships. Like last night, I was trying to talk to him so much about his past relationships and they're fighting.

And like, he finally had to be like, what are you trying to get out of me? Like he was like, what are you trying to get out of me? I'm like, I want to understand. That I'm the best. That we are the best. He's just not combative. He's just really easy. But he's also like, but.

I think I had stuff in those past relationships that I never said. And then obviously they didn't work out. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, I just, I do validate that that is just tools that we did not give boys growing up. And so it is harder for them. And so we have to raise them now.

But to your point, it's the like the vulnerability of saying you hurt me. And you did this thing that made me feel, I don't, whatever it is, dismissed, emasculated, disrespected, looked down upon, condescending. Like those things are hard. but for anybody to it. Man, hard for them to admit. It's being really vulnerable because you don't want to think that like

your partner did this thing that maybe not even perceived as a big deal but it made you feel a certain type of way. Yeah, I think that's why most fights are these starts with something little because like most people, men especially are not going to start a fight with you by saying like this emasculates me. Most of them are going to say like why did you pick this plan?

You know, like something small. Or they'll like if they really don't have, healthy communication skills, they'll just take it out on you in some other way. And you have to decode why, which is just unfair. Yeah. And then I love this question. I want to discuss it. Do you go to bed angry? Never 38% sometimes 60% and often that 2%. Get out of there. I love this because of the never go to bed angry, marriage advice, relationship advice. And if that's, it's, it's, If you live and die by that, that's fine. But I think we hear it, we've heard it forever.

And it doesn't always work like that. I don't know. I just think there's like, some people need a cooling off period. Yeah. And yeah, you're not going to sleep as well, but you're just like, I'll feel better in the morning. How often do I just wake up and I feel better in the morning? It doesn't feel so heavy and upset, you know? Like I'm more likely to be like this was silly and I don't want to have this fight.

I don't know. You got to do whatever is going to allow you to emotionally regulate it. So if you're like, I'm not, I'm going to lose sleep. over this, I'm not going to be able to, then don't go to sleep angry. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, couples who live and die by this, what does it look like? I mean, is it bedtime and you're like, well, we got to settle this now. You know, like, how do you navigate that? And again, the majority said sometimes, it just be like that. So it does suck and it is so embarrassing to get into a bed with someone you're in a fight with. That is so embarrassing. It's embarrassing

to fight with your roommate, first of all. It's embarrassing to walk. around the house and maybe you said used to give the silent treatment. We've talked about this. It is so embarrassing to fight with somebody, especially you lived in a one bedroom apartment, giving your roommate the silent treatment. Just being such a little bitch in this tiny little apartment. You're like, I'm in my 30s or 40s. Like, what are we doing? And when you get into bed and you were both mad to each other, I'm like, a grow up, Ashley, we need to grow up. This is so embarrassing. Sometimes you're just like, I don't feel like doing this right now. I know if it's just like, then sleep in the other room. Like, we're in the bed. I'm mad at you.

you're in the bed. God forbid you snore. I'm even more mad now. You're moving around. You have the audacity to move. You pulled my cover when you pissed me off. It's the audacity. No, it's it's really rude. Seriously for a man, for you to be fighting with a man and he has the audacity to get into bed and make a noise or a movement. Right. And they roll over on their side and they just like, won't talk to you. Get out of here. Go sleep on the couch. But it happens sometimes. And if there's couples that are like this is what works for us and before bed we've got to hash it out and we refuse to go to bed angry more power to you yeah and we asked you guys what do you fight the most about we left this sort of open-ended as a question box and I mean far I mean lots of

stuff came up so chores and division of labor came up a lot you know who's just responsible for everything around the house obviously kids money sex in-laws but far and above over and over and over again is communication. And I really like dove into like what that meant with like the next question side because like we asked people what makes you feel crazy during a fight. And everything had to do with communication and just feeling like you are not heard by your partner. You are invalidated. Somebody just dismisses how you feel. They're sarcastic. I mean, there's just a laundry list of like things that will destabilize you. Stonewalling, which was like I was the MVP of Stonewalling back in the day. Defensiveness, invalidation. Like all of that communication is just like so much of fights is

nothing to do with the fight. It's just like, how do I feel when we're having a disagreement? Do you hear me at all? Are you trying to see my side of things at all? Are you acting like I'm being ridiculous? I had my first boyfriend in New York

would say to me, we can talk about this when you calm yourself down. I mean, there was nothing more gaslighting on planet earth than that. I felt so, like, unsafe with him in conflict. And I, it didn't even, who cares what we were fighting about? It was just that became the fight.

Totally, that became the fight. Yes, exactly. I mean, some of these answers for when we asked again, what makes you feel crazy during a fight is total disregard from my perspective and we cannot agree on the recollection of an event. I mean, that is tough.

And you see this with every relationship with family, friends, partners, where you were like, that's not what happened. Like, that, it makes you feel insane. Like, I mean, there's different levels to this. There's literally, like, that's not even where we were, what was said. And then there's just, like, that's not what I meant by that.

And that's how you interpreted it. And one of the things that triggered, like, the, I guess, biggest fight Shishonka and I've had. It's like he was upset by something that I did that I clearly didn't do intentionally. I didn't even think twice about it. It's just a reaction to whatever. It doesn't, again, I don't need to get into the weeds with this. And like, I don't know. I didn't not understand where he was coming from, but it wouldn't have bothered me. I certainly validated it. But if I felt like all the time he was telling me, like you do this thing

and you do this thing and you do this thing and you do this thing and I feel like this. I, I, I do this thing. That's not the relationship we're in. You know, like there was a thing that happened. I was like, okay, I see where you're coming from and I see why that hit different and I really will work on it. I hope it ever happens again, no guarantees, but I will work on it. Even though like what I'm thinking of myself, I didn't do anything intention. I didn't, I didn't know. I didn't do anything. And so if you're with a partner that's constantly, you never know when you're going to trigger them and you feel like you're walking on a minefield at all times.

That might not be the right relationship for you. But every once in a while, you might get into a situation where someone is telling you did something and you really don't agree with it or how it made them feel because it wasn't your intention, but you still have to understand and validate it because that was their experience. Yeah, I think we're very, we're all quick to seize upon the gaslighting word and like, you're gaslighting me. I don't know, we can have disagreements. We can, we can differ on our interpretation of an event. That doesn't mean somebody's necessarily gaslighting you. Like, gaslighting you is, it is actually like challenging your reality. It's abusive. Yes. But I can get past any disagreement with anybody. As long as they say to me, I can understand why

you felt like that. Yeah. That's all. Not, not. Not. Not. this didn't happen or that's not, you're so sensitive. I need somebody at the end of an argument to be like, okay, I understand why you digested it like this. Yeah. And I do think we get into that intention versus impact. And some people can get really hung up on the stubbornness of like, but I didn't mean it. And it's like, but I still am hurt by it.

And that is when you do have to stop being stubborn and let your guard down and just understand you hurt your partner even though you didn't mean to. Yeah, I don't know. Some people really can't do that. It's so interesting to me. Like some people really value being right. or only having their side of things. I mean, that's really like a narcissistic personality trait

that like they truly do not see their side and anything ever. You never hear. I understand why you might feel like that. You have to ask yourself, is that the resolution of every single argument is I just have to back down? Then you might be with a narcissist.

Right. And also like I was mentioning, if that thing that happened with us was weekly, then that wouldn't be for me. And I think of a couple, an ex couple that we know, they're broken up. And she just always feels like he's like making fun of her or nagging her or being disrespectful to her.

Like always. And like he doesn't. And he's like, that's how I'm just, that's how I am. And so I just don't think they're a match. Like we've seen this with actually, they're not the only couple where I feel like that. Where there is one party that is constantly offending the other and being like, but I don't mean it like that. And it's just like you guys are not, whatever's going on, your sense of humor, your delivery and tone. Like you can only change that so much about somebody.

You can work through your tone and your language and things on your own and therapy, whatever it may be. But if you really are like, we are just constantly budding heads, then it might not be your person. Yeah. So we asked you guys, what are some tips for managing conflict?

And then we're going to wrap this up by telling you guys the dumbest fights you guys have had. But I mean, you guys were great. And I had a partner who always said to me like, you're not listening to me. You don't hear me. And I'd be like, what are you saying to me?

And so I had somebody suggest just putting it back on your partner and saying, like, help me to hear you better. Help me to understand. Tell me what you need for May. Like in a calm, nice way. And that was helpful for me because I was like, I'm being great. I'm using all this non-inflammatory language. And I'm listening. And I'm being calm.

And like, he still didn't digest it like that. And so I did have to like figure out how to communicate with him differently in fights. And that was like very helpful for me to just put back on somebody else and say like, well, please teach me. You know? Yeah. And I'm thinking of another two people we know that we're together and have since broken up where, where one person always felt like the other person was yelling and screaming. And that person was like, I'm not.

And that sometimes comes down to your like childhood and what you dealt with in your home. Because my voice will raise. And if I'm screaming, it's hit, it hits different. It does. There's a difference in a tone. Like if I am screaming or yelling, it's different than like, I'm talking elevated on this episode. Like I am passionate and my voice raises. And I see a world in which someone.

is immediately like you're yelling at me. I think this is typically a man might raise his voice and a woman might retreat. And maybe it was your dad was like that or your mom or whatever. And so again, that's like that is tough. You are not able to hear each other. And if I had someone that was like,

I could not raise the volume of my voice, it would be tough for me because I'm like, that's, am I supposed to whisper when I'm upset? I don't know. It would be tough. No way. You know? Like when you have that communication breakdown.

There was so much screaming. my house growing up. I mean, it was like a daily. I mean, I just got screamed at continuously from the minute she walked on the door until the minute we went to sleep. And it's just a bad environment to live in. I don't want to be like that. So it has helped me at least to be the kind of person that doesn't raise my voice a lot. And I don't want to make somebody feel like that. If I'm yelling at you, it's something really bad has happened. Yeah, I know. But you will. It's rare. But yeah, I will. Like, I like it sometimes. But I mean, it's not my like go-to. But I also am not so triggered by it. Like, I can deal with it a little bit. But I'm, I don't

approach people like that. So I don't, I don't want to be approached like that. Totally. And it's just, this happens over time. Like, I was in a relationship

where I was yelling and screaming all the time and I have never once spoken to Shonk like that. He's never spoken to me like that. The thought of it legitimately upsets me to even think about. And that was what I was doing on the daily. Like,

the thought that he could talk to me in that way, like, you know, you know that mean, like tone, like, oh my God, I could cry. I can't even imagine it.

I can't imagine it. And I would never do it to him. Okay, never. I never, but still. Okay, so there's just some great tips in here. Someone, obviously, number one, trust the intentions of your partner. If you can't, you're in the wrong relationship. If you really think they're out to get you and you're not in the same team. I mean, you're married, you have kids, you're trying to work it out or whatever. Have you been with them forever? Like, maybe you want to go

to therapy. There's different ways. But if it's just like the underlying feeling, I don't think you're in the right relationship. When somebody says to me, like, he's just always attacking me, and sometimes I've had friends in the past tell me examples. And I'm not invalidating them, but I'm just like this doesn't sound like he's trying to attack you, but you can only see it through that lens. Maybe you've gotten too far down that path. And I mean, obviously go to therapy. I think relationships are worth working on if you're in love.

And obviously, therapy's on this list. Yeah. And I do think there is a point where you chip away completely your relationship. You have like completely shattered the foundation. You are in a vicious, volatile cycle that is hard to break. It can be done. I don't know. Sometimes it does feel like there's a point of no return. Someone said write it out first. I like that. And then also there's a point where you're like,

this is so stupid. Like I've been there where you're like, you're trying to tell somebody or something. You're like, you know, I forget it. I was on my period. Sometimes I just get so upset or mad about something. And I wish that like I could look back. I wish I could look from the future and be like, you're not going to care about this later or just relax, you know. Yeah. someone wrote their reality is true, my reality is true, even if they're different. And again, we've all experienced this, but if it is all the time, I again don't know that this is the right relationship where you were constantly battling over what happened. I liked what you were reading.

Pick your battles. Oh my God. This is the number one. What a hot take. I just think about this all the time. I think this is really when you move in with somebody. of like, I just think that's a huge shift in a relationship dynamic is when you start cohabitating.

I think it's the biggest. And having kids, obviously those two. The kids more so. But kids too. I mean, like the pick your battles that you think of someone that is just constantly irritated by their partner. If everything that does annoy you, again, wrong relationship. But like, can you deal with them putting the towel in the door?

I don't know. I've lived with three people, but I've gotten so, anal retention since then. Yeah. you take this one. I guess you just have to say, I mean, it would be hard for me today. I've lived with three partners.

I mean, you just have to, you just have to let people live. Like, I have a lot of self-talk in my brain about the way people like stock the refrigerator, leave dishes, leave their socks,

leave their shoes. I hate all of it. It all dress me crazy. But you have to say to yourself, I guess it's a net positive that I'm in love and someone's in the house with me. Like, you don't have to.

You might be the new me. You might not want to live with somebody. I probably do. If I've had somebody ever, liked. Yeah. And we had good tax and we got along. We laughed a lot. It would be tough. I'm a person that like is a clean, tidy house. It would be tough to be with like a slob. I don't know how some of you do it. So there's that. I just, and again, like we talked about this years ago and I've talked about it recently with a friend who runs her own business of when you employ people and they're going to

do it 90% perfect of what you want. Like you have to think of that in your relationship to like are you really expecting and demanding perfection because we're all human. So sometimes your partner is not going to do everything the way you want it done or you would do it. That sounds so bad. But you have to, I can't let them live and understand their human. I'm cannot headache.

Oh my God. Listen, if it was up to me, I would like follow somebody around the dustpan, pushing chairs in. after they moved and picking up everything. I just, I can't be like that. And I live with somebody. I want to be.

Yeah. Ask someone how you can hear them better or support them like Rayna was saying. Focus on how you feel versus what they did. I mean, this is where your, your eye statements come in. I'll add in one of my own. I think, again, you approach with these eye statements. This made me feel this way and this is why. And lead with love, of course, and calm yourself down first and lead with love and respect.

And always approach with curiosity. Like, I've said things. before, even to you, like if we've had a conflict. This felt out of character. This is not how I experience you typically. I'm not saying this to you right now. But like I've said like I don't understand what's going on because this hasn't been my experience.

And I think in my head, I'm screaming, not to you, to whoever, I know you better than this. You know, that's what I'm screaming in my head. And I'm reframing it to be like, we have had this relationship for however many years. And this is not typically how I would expect you to react or how I would. have expected this to go down, so I'm just trying to understand. And like, again, this is stuff that, like, I am working out in real time and I can feel my own growth of 10 years ago.

And, like, the way I would have just popped off and used more inflammatory language. I think language is so important in tone. You have grown up a lot. Don't say things you can't take back. I mean, I don't know. This is, this comes with the growth, too. Again, it's like, it's just, I don't want to. chalk it up to like you're just going to be an asshole in your 20s, but like you do grow out

of a lot of a lot of that. Yeah, it stops being fun. Yeah. Back that it's just like, hold my beer. I'm about to do something really toxic. Okay. So someone said like lower your volume to lower the tension. Calm tone equals calm or outcome. But I saw on here someone wrote like when my partner is too calm, I'm like I get more mad. Yeah, they feel. I mean, is it, are you being calm to, are you being calm to instigate me? To be patronizing, yeah. I've been with people like that that are like, I'm not going to match your level of how crazy you're being. And that to me, I remember the boyfriend who would say to me like, we can talk when you start calming yourself down or whatever it was.

I remember at the beginning of the relationship I said to my mom, I was like, he just never, he never escalates, never fights me really. He just, he stays like super calm and she goes, oh, that'll get old. Yes, here it is. I found it. It was in the one that what makes you feel crazy during a fight. Someone said he stays overly calm. And I find it instigative. I mean, I think people really do find it because you're just like, I'm really upset and I want to make this better and you don't seem like you care that much or you seem like you're patronizing me.

But either way, I don't like, I don't like these. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So there's a line there. Calm, but not too calm. Listen to understand, not to win. Feeling heard often diffuses conflict fast, obviously.

I mean, people just want to feel heard. I'm just laughing at somebody saying calm. It's like, you could be calm, but sell me an experience. experience. I need to know you're a little bit upset. Like, sell it to me. But that's the thing. Like, I've dealt with this a few times with Shashonk where I'm like, are you going to, are we like, are you going to like, are you going to say anything? What are why you so calm? Are you going to, like, if you were right now, you'd be yelling back and me by now. And of course, I'm not doing that to him. I'm doing it for the effect now. You know, I like, I don't get in his face and screaming him. but I'm thinking of myself, like, I just, fight with me.

Like, not fight with me, but you know what I'm. Say the thing. Say the thing. So we can get back on track. Like, I'm upset. Can you act like you're upset? Yeah. Sell me on an experience.

Sell me on an experience. Oh, my God. Aim for repair, not perfection. Yeah, I think. Is that just words? No offense. It's a nice, it's a nice little sound bite. Who chat you briefed?

What does that you mean? You all got that one from TikTok. Send me the TikTok where you got that. What if repair is perfectional? I think what it means is like don't brush us under the wrong way. Like everything's great. Like let's repair this. Oh, you interpret it that way.

Okay. No, I get it. Like let's not act like, you know, everything's perfect. You know, let's fix this up. Got it. So I'll me on a fixer wrapper. Okay. And we are going to get into the dumbest fights you've ever had with your partner.

but I have a question for you. I do want to talk about makeup sex. Okay. We had it on here and we asked how do fights usually end. 77% said rational discussion and resolution. Oh, you guys are so much hard. No, I'm just kidding. 8% one person gives in.

2% makeup sex. And in my more toxic relationship, we always had makeup sex. I could never with Shishonk. If we have had a conflict, I'm like sad and I am the opposite of turned on. Like when we resolve something, if we have any sort of disagreement, like we work it out and I feel closer to him, but I don't feel horny. You don't just like fuck it out. Yeah. And that's, everybody is different.

I have zero judgment surrounding this or any of this stuff. Maybe people misinterpreted it. No, I think it's normal. I think it's totally normal. And I don't even think it's unhealthy. I think people work something out and they feel a closeness and they want to fuck. I really do think it's normal. I just have been like, I've just been a little sad.

My post is sad. Yeah, I'm un-horny. I think some people are just, they feel so distant from their partner. Yeah, and you want to be close. We'll be physically close. Like, we'll cuddle up. And again, maybe it's later that night. But the immediacy is not, I am not like horny after having that.

There's a direct, I don't know what it is, like a parallel. Correlation. To how toxic the relationship was and how much I needed to have. I know. Like how sad I felt. out all day and anxious and it was like the first time you finally feel like closeness to somebody. And I totally. And again, I'm not saying that make up sex goes hand in hand with toxic relationships. I again, like I think conflict resolution brings you closer together. That means you might want to

fuck. But for me, I'm just like, mm. Okay. So this was like a wild card as we were doing these. I was like, wait, Raina, I want to ask, dumbest fight you've gotten to with a partner. And they delivered. They are insane. Okay. This one is so Raina coded. He stole my Terry. sauce that I ordered for me. I even asked him if he wanted his own. That's the, she, she asked, she knew, she saw that coming. I know. And she was like, you always still my terriarchy sauce. And I got ahead of this. Yes, exactly. He doesn't know how to properly fold a blanket or a towel. Like, I can see that just being like, you don't happen to be with the chores or the housework and everything falls on me. And it's like, you just act like, we did this whole opposite

about weaponized incompetence. Like, I can see this happening a lot, chores. Yeah, there's, there is a lot of eating my food. When we had Andrew Collin on, what, last year of the year before, last time we had Andrew Collin on, he talked about this fight with Brenna. Did he eat her food? Like, she had saved like a couple pieces of sushi. One of them had saved two pieces of sushi. The other one ate it. It was like World War III. If I'd haunt his kids when I died or not his kids? What do you mean? If I'd haunt his kids when I died. So I guess she's the stepmom. They fought over that? Yeah, they had a fight about it. This was the first one I saw, When asked what type of animal I am, he said killer whale.

I would really need to know what the fuck you meant by that. Well, if you are... You're just a killer or a big personality? I love a killer whale. That's blackfish, right? No one cared more about blackfish than me. Yeah, like that's Shamu, right? Like, those are the badass-looking whale.

If she is worried about her weight, you don't call someone a whale. Like, if Shashonka said killer whale, I'd be like, dope. But if I was struggling with my weight, I'd be like, you're a fucking asshole. Are we talking about vibes? Are we talking about body shape? Yes. Leaving me in a traitor Joe's and checking out separately. That time you and I got on the plane separately?

Well, you knew a couple that they got off the plane and he went to baggage claim without her. They've broken up, but that was insane. That was some of the most insane things I've ever heard. We know a couple that got into Penn Station and she got to a car and he walked home. Oh, my God. He put an open package of chicken in the freezer. No saram wrap, no baggie. I mean, again, this all goes into like, why does everything fall on me?

Just brought chicken. A lot of this type of energy, I asked him if I was the most beautiful woman in the world, to him, and he said no. That's jail. Okay, let me ask you. No. Let me ask you. What?

I feel like this is like a common meme fight, but I wonder if couples actually do this. I have no, I have no touch point to this. Like, when people say, like, if I was an aunt, would you still love me? No, I hate this. If I was like a slug, would you still love me? No, absolutely not. Can I have sex with you? No.

If you're anything but a human, no. Like this might correct. What if I died, would you, would you marry again? I'd be like, wouldn't you want me to be happy? No. I think you just got a lie and just be like, no, I'd be alone forever. I can't picture it. Getting married again?

Yeah. And I think that's so much more of a female trait is their husband dying and not marrying again. Men typically move on quicker. Yeah, he'll be like, yeah, I'll be walking out the street tomorrow. I'll meet my next wife. Yeah. I think that's a nice response, though, if you're trying to not start a fight, I couldn't imagine such a thing. That is the way to start a fight, is if I died, would you marry again or be with somebody? I mean, I cannot tell you how many chore things about paper towels, the way people clean the mirror. I mean, people just, women really feel like men pretend like they can't do stuff. This one I'm upset about. My husband wouldn't wear the

Hawaiian shirt with my face all over it on vacation. vacation. That's a vacation shirt. Why would you not wear that? I actually thought you were to take together. Did you bring it? No, that's when you're supposed to wear it. Also, I just, I mean, you and I, it's important to be with somebody that has like a sense of humor about themselves. You know? He didn't know what peni pasta was. I don't think we would have a fight. It would give me the heck. Wait, do you know my, like, our pasta thing, our first date? I don't know if you know this about me because it's kind of embarrassing. Yeah, but it's like a food, you don't have food stuff. Well, okay, Rana, but so I didn't know, this was our very first date in 2023.

We're at Alice in New York. And I didn't, I thought Cascio I Pepe was just spaghetti. I thought it was a very specific type of pasta. I thought it was obviously the sauce, the salt and pepper. I know what it means, whatever, but I thought it was only spaghetti. Like I thought that was a dish. That's the noodle, like, like, penny vodka comes with. Yeah, I thought it was a dish.

Okay. And he was like, Cascio I Pepe is like, can be any pasta. I said, no way. Absolutely not. sure enough, we got Cascio Pepe ravioli or whatever the fuck. And I was like, oh, you're right. That was like our first thing. I was like, no way.

I'm going to validate you on this one. Okay. I actually, I mean, I haven't been in the, Cacho Pepe is a style. So, I mean, if you know about food, you know that, like, yes, ravioli can be Cachio Pepe style. I mean, anything can be Cachio Pepe style. But I think the mainstream, most common interpretation of this specific pasta dish is spaghetti.

Yeah. Anything could also be Carbonara. I think people have a specific idea of the type of. of noodles that come with Carbonara. Yeah. It's like fetuccini noodles or spaghetti type noodles. So I'm going to validate you on this. Okay.

Thank you. I think that that's, I think that some people don't know. Yeah. And I appreciate your commitment to not being wrong. You're like, I'm just not, if I'm, I don't know,

I'm wrong. Well, I was wrong. Okay. He said, bring your big ass back here. And he said it as a compliment. Like, bring that big ass back here. I mean, Shishonk, language that men use about your body.

Like, He has said to me, I can't even believe I'm going to say this on air. Like I still, I remember exactly where we were. He has said to me like once or twice because I remember the, I could remember them specifically that I looked jacked and he meant toned. I'm not, I'm not jacked. Like I, like, but he meant like toned. Like I can see the definition defined toned.

And I was like, it's not jacked. Never. Stop calling. I'm not the rock. No, like, I'm not like, who, like, jacked. Unless, if a woman is really working out a bunch and she's cross-fitting, she wants to be super big and muscular, I think that's an appropriate word. I don't want to hear that word, no offense, if that's what you want to hear.

I'm going to validate this one, too. I really think that women have been tormented and badgered about their bodies, their entire lives. And I think it can be like a one-second thing of, like, I didn't mean that word like that. Great, let's move on. But I think that women have been picked up. apart their entire lives about how they look and we're a little sensitive about certain words being applied to our bodies, our faces, our hair, everything. And that's fine. Yeah, I told him, don't use that word again. That word is banned. Okay, I would show him a meme or he'd say he already

saw it on Reddit three days ago. No shared laughs. That's a red flag. Like, if you are always sending memes to your partner and they say, I've seen this already. Ew. Really? I have to hold myself back from saying it to people because it's just, don't want to try to hear that. This is a deeper discussion. Like, I just wouldn't do somebody like that. Like, every once in a mall, like my brother, we send a lot of means back and forth. And I'll be like, oh, my God, I saw it the other day and I died over it. My intention is not to be like, you're late on this. Like, my attention is to be like, oh my God, I literally, like, I died over that the other day. But like, I, people send me stuff all the time that I've seen. I don't feel the need to tell

them. I mean, unless I'm saying, like, you think I have been involved in this all morning. Right. If it's like embarrassingly late. Yeah. Like, we have one friend that she will be something stuff so late. Me not loading the dishwasher correctly, even though everything gets clean. You cannot fight about this. Do not fight about how you load the dishwasher. I'm telling you, like, the way I love the dishwasher is so chaotic and crazy looking. Like, I remember one time Bobby Westside came over and took a picture, where he was like, what is going on with this girl? It's crazy that you are so anal about laundry and dishwasher do not care. Your vibes is it'll get clean. That's true. But I'm just like whoever loads it can load it however they want. Water gets all up in there.

It gets clean. My parents had this fight. My, whole life. Like, this is one of their arguments around the house is how they would load the dishwasher. And I'm like, whoever loads it can do whatever they want. There is no right or wrong. Stop telling people how to do this. My mom was like military style. I mean, watch me fucking pack this thing.

I have never cared about anything less. It is, I got other stuff going on. And we will turn this on and it'll get washed. And if it doesn't get washed, we'll run it through again. Like, it's not even like the washing machine, which is way more water to waste. Like, I've never cared about a single thing less. Totally. What's the difference?

Yes. Whoever's loading it, it's their method. Like, I always put it somewhere with like the prongs up, knives down, but like spoons forks up. I think it's so weird to put people put them down. But if they get clearly, I do care. Well, in my mom's defense, my dad does knife up. That's crazy.

He says the knife cuts the thing. Knife up. He's like, the knife will like wear away at the bottom. Yeah, the like silverware hole. Yeah. That's crazy. You'd rather slit mom's wrists. That's insane.

What are we doing here? So she has a right to be mad. I love him, but I'm on her side for this one. Okay. So in conclusion, everybody fights except for rich A-listers, apparently. Yeah, you're not in the same bucket as those people. And I just always want to remind people, like you can have amazing chemistry with people. They can make you laugh.

You can have fun with them. You can have stuff in common. but if you are fighting constantly or you cannot seem to find common ground and handle conflict healthfully, that may not be your person. Like, it's a big piece of the puzzle is how you manage conflict together. Totally agree. Okay. Well, Raina's tour this week.

Yeah, it starts this week. I'll see you guys on the road. Ashley will see you in Florida with me and come fight with us. No, I'm just kidding. But we'll see you guys. I'm really, really excited. And that's it. I hope you like the episode.

Yes. So her tickets are at Raina Greenberg. com. Girls got to eat. dot com, Girls' Gotti Podcast, Instagram, and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina's, Rina, dot Greenberg. Subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend.

Leave a comment on YouTube or Spotify or wherever you are watching or listening, and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.