Girls Gotta Eat - How Much Should You Share About Your Partner to Your Friends?

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Should you tell your friends the size of your partner's d*ck? What about their political beliefs? We're discussing all the things you share about your partner with friends and family, from sexual details to fights to politics to cheating. We break down the differences in what you should share/shouldn't share, the impact oversharing can have, the types of friends you can tell certain things to, and more. Before we get into the topic, we're joined by a special guest (Rayna's hot neighbor!) and he tells us some of his turnoffs and clears up a beef with Ashley. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Zbiotics: Get 15% off at zbiotics.com/gge and use the code GGE. Microdose: Get free shipping and 30% off your first order at microdose.com and use code GGE. Hello Fresh: Get free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com/ggefree + code GGEFREE. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have seriously sat there and thought about my partner. Like, you are too stupid to be with me. If your partner is stupid, I know it. Girls got to eat. Welcome back. What's happening with you? What's happening with you? You looked nerd.

Like, you looked like you were flustered and you forgot what you were supposed to say. And it's because we have your hot neighbor in the studio with us today. Don't say anything yet. We do have a special treat for you guys. We'll tell you when you can talk. Yes, we do a special treat. Yeah, a special treat. You looked like you were going to say something.

I don't know what it was. You looked very like, like it was bubbling up out of the mouth. Phone made at the mouth. Yeah. But like in a cute way. No. It's just. We're wearing sweatshirts.

It's sweatshirts season. I'm really excited. I've worn a sweatshirt to record this podcast in six months. Somebody said to me the other day, you go sleeveless for this podcast all the time and you're so brave. What? She didn't say that. I said, you're so brave. And it wasn't about me.

She meant like she would never do that. I think she doesn't love her arms. But I have, I had like 40 tattoos on my arms. Like, I didn't pay for this to cover it up. Right. Well, I had to tell Sparkle Eyes, no more hoodies. Oh, I thought you're going to say no more tattoos.

Well, I told him to take a break. You know him and I only DM about tattoos and Harry Potter? Okay. That's the only thing he sends me is tattoos and Harry Potter. You guys started talking about, we need to like start sharing music. I was like, you will not. What, you're just going to take our love language and have it between y'all. But he loves a hoodie.

To clarify, I wanted to make like an emo playlist. You guys were going to collab on a playlist and I said no. You were included in the playlist. Like, I don't, you're not excluded from the playlist. I just want to share some yellow card and postal service songs with him. Just put it on the group chat then. Can you imagine your boyfriend, your best friend, they have a collaborative playlist between the two of them?

I thought. This is weird and you be included in it. And like a chill goes down my spine thinking about it. I like my chemical romance and like yellow card. I don't want me to talk to about it. I like it too. So you can be in the playlist. I'm going to share it with you and you can see if you want to share it with him.

I made it. No one knows about it. You started this? I started it. On Rhapsody? I put it on Spotify. Anyway, I had to tell him to stop buy me hoodies. He bought me this one and he loves a hoodie and he loves to buy me clothes. And I'm like, no more hoodies. First of all, I live in California, but second of all, like, I do like a hoodie, but I am a more of a crew neck. You are. You're more of a crew neck person. Yeah. My whole personality was hoodies for like four years. It's a lot of stuff. I like it's big around your neck. I know, I like it. You know, it's like if the hood's too heavy, it's like light. choking you, which I guess I don't mind that. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't seen him in like a week. It's nice to choke yourself. That's what he's doing. He's like, let me buy her a hoodie with a big ass hood so it chokes her a little bit. So she feels. Okay. Okay. Well, I hope you about it more. I hope you guys all had wonderful Thanksgiving and I will not bring up Thanksgiving again. Just let me have it. You're good. You guys all really enjoyed it and had a great time at home.

I'm sure I did. Even though we're recording beforehand, won't you thank people for their plates because you know you probably got tagged in so many. I'd probably lost a lot of Instagram followers. So many of you tagged me in your plates, and I loved it. I loved being there with you and seeing everything you cooked. You know, I just like love cooking so much. And I love Thanksgiving. I love canned food. Oh, that cranberry right out of the can.

Oh, my God. Disgusting. This is the most more Ashley's friend, more Raina's friend. You know, like I went to culinary school, working restaurants my whole life. Like, no one likes cooking more than me except for on Thanksgiving. I'm like, if it doesn't come out of a can, I don't want it. Yeah, no. We said it before.

I still like fresh food every day of the year. I will eat stove top stuffing. I like that. But like that congealed. It has the can't. pan ridges in it makes me sick. Green bean casserole. No, fresh green beans.

People that are like, I'm getting fresh green beans. I'm putting mushrooms in it from the grocery store. Get the fuck out of here. Raina, I'm sorry, just because it's Thanksgiving, I don't eat. I don't decide to just change my whole taste and palate. But thank you guys for shopping the Black Friday sale with Vives Only. There's like so much fun stuff out. We have amazing air pulse vibrators, butt plugs, wands, all kinds of things.

So we have our final day of the sale today. So Cyber Monday, would you call it? it? Oh, Vibre Monday. That's the code for you guys. The code is Vibra Monday. So welcome to Vibra Monday. Everybody at the Vibes Only store, Vibisonly.com, the blow gels, the lubees, the Lubez, the Ashley, the Rana, the Debbie. That's a DMX beat. Like, I can't think of the words, but I just took the DMX ride on Pelot. It's like, da-da, dunna, da, I forget what he says. But yes, everything, the Debbie has been flying off the shelves. Yeah. And a couple of things may have sold out or are going to sell it today. So the Lucy is on its way out. The pump can spice blow gel is on its way out. We're going to be doing a new Lucy later on. So get this one while you can. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right, guys, the moment you've been waiting for. He just said they're so facially. He really, you've been so sweet. I really like our friendship. I'm so happy you're here. So you guys. Am I allowed to talk now? This poor guy. Hot neighbor, welcome to girls got to eat.

Honored to be here. Thank you so much for letting me come. I actually have a bone to pick. with Ashley though. Oh no. Oh, we're just going to get right into it. Oh, yeah. Okay. I've I'm going to take with you and that's your wearing your shirt today. I hate when you do that. No, it's because it's chilly. Tessa, the day you met him, he wasn't wearing a shirt, right? The day that I met you, you weren't wearing a shirt. You promised me that you don't really wear shirts and recently you've been wearing a lot of shirts. No, this is not probably preferable weather for you. No, it's cold out. Yeah. No, no. You're right. I don't like wearing a shirt. I mean, I moved to L.A. in part so I can enjoy the nice weather.

You know, I'm going for a run. I'm hot. I'm going for a bike ride. I'm going for a bike ride. Okay. What is your bone to pick with me? Should we explain who you are first? Oh, yeah, sure.

But you can't, he wants to fight me. Yeah. I'm going to fight, fight, fight. The day that I ever heard about you, I sent Tessa over here to get the keys to the house because we had a meeting or something. And I was like, Tessa, can you run up? And she's like, I met the owner. I met your neighbor.

And the owner gave me the keys, blah. And I was like, how's he look? And she was like, he's kind of old. And I was like, this bitch. How did you say? No, that wasn't the hell of wet. She was talking about the owner. Then she was like,

how does he seem? And then I described you and then I described, I think both. They were two separate facts. I thought you were calling the 28-year-old. You guys, I messed up the story. I'm sorry. Yeah.

You guys, I messed up the story. Anyways, I thought she was calling my 28-year-old neighbor old. But she said he is kind of hot. That's what you said. He's kind of hot, but he's... Wait, the owner? This is bombing. Rainier, you're bombing.

You guys, I should have really relistened to what happened before. It doesn't matter. Now you're here. Are we keeping this? Anyway. What a journey. Anyways, we share a wall, and I hear you singing sometimes, but that's it. You're over here a lot, and we've become friends, and you're my buddy.

Yeah. You're the hot neighbor. Yeah, no, you've been great. You've been an awesome neighbor. Thank you. Ashley, I don't know if I feel the same. As for Ashley? I thought we got off on a good.

great foot. Like, I came over once and we met and you were really nice and Rana was like, Ashley doesn't like a lot of people and she likes you. So like you should be happy about that. I'm like, yeah, that's awesome. And then I get a text a few days later from one of my friends and she was like, wait, do you ride a cruiser bike? And I was like, what? She's like, and you dyed your hair, right? And I was like, yeah. I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, you were on the podcast. And I was like, oh, no. She's like, are you the hot neighbor? Yeah. And then she's like, you're the hot neighbor. And I was like, oh my God, what? Send me the clip. Send me the clip. I thought I was in a safe space where you didn't listen to this podcast. So I've talked about

you before. And I just thought you didn't listen. No, I didn't. Yeah, I hadn't listened until this point. So I listened to the pod and it like jumps in right at you like driving in and being like, oh, I saw your hot neighbor. But he was on a bike and I was like, major ick. So what the hell? Listen, you might have misquoted me there. But the whole thing, the reason why is because I had biked with my boyfriend, like recently, and I love him and he doesn't give me the ick at all, and I think he's so sexy, and we had a great time biking. But seeing him on the beach cruiser, I was like, huh.

And I thought to myself, like, is it him or is it just a guy on a bike? Because he just wasn't giving, like, the sexiest. You know, like, I wasn't turned on seeing him on the bike. If I had my shirt off, would have been better? Probably. But I saw you and you look the same as him. And I was like, oh, it's just how a guy looks riding a beach. cruiser. And so it hunched over a little. It's just, it's not a sexy stance. It's not a sexy position.

So you kind of validated that like you are an attractive guy and every guy looks that way. But I also had a fact check what time it was because I asked you to go hang out with me at Erwan. You said you'd stuff to do. I was lie. So I was, I was true. I'm very honest when it comes to time. Yeah. Yeah. I have your alibi covered. Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate you at least covering for me there despite insulting my bike riding. I mean, how else am I supposed to get around? Like if I I'm just not supposed to... I love that you ride bikes. We love a guy that rides a bike.

Rain, I can't even ride a bike. I was going to tell you on this episode. I don't know how to ride a bike. You don't know how? I've kept this from you until right now today. Oh, okay. I've never been able to ride a bike. You can teach me how to ride a bike, but when I fall off of it, you're really going to get thick.

I'm picturing you, like, pushing her like a dad. Like, you just give her a booze. You can go, you can go on your own. No, we're going to go. We're going to go to, like, a pharmacy and buy one of those, like, little kitty bikes with the streamers and the training wheels. Yeah, that's how tall I am. It'll be a perfect size for you.

That's what I need. Maybe you should just get a sidecar for her. Oh, yeah. You guys go out to Air One. We'll do a tandem bike. Yeah. Yeah, that'll be cute. Just ride it to Air One, which is like a block away.

I tried to learn how to ride a bike once a couple years ago in Miami and I was like doing okay and I was like really getting after it. I was in a straight line and then this like family keeps coming towards me and I was like, I'm not going to hit them. I'm not going to hit them. And I was going straight. And the second they got near me, I just turned the handlebars and wiped out this whole family. I was bleeding.

Like my knees were bleeding. And this man runs up, this really old man. He was like, father time runs up. And he's like, oh my God. And I'm so humiliated already. I'm like bleeding. I'm shaking. And he goes, is the bike okay?

Oh, my gosh. And I was like, I want the ground to open up. And years later, you would break a bike in Italy just to get back. Yeah. At that moment. It reminds me the time. time I went skiing and I took out an entire ski school. Like I just like fell and then took out like 12 kids.

Like I was taken out by a skier once as a kid. Was that you? It was probably me. Yeah. Because like you were a kid when I was probably 20. Because that happened at 20. I want to be clear. Are you 29?

No. 28. You just turned 28. You're 27 before. I turned 28 in June. Right. I don't know if that's just like three or four months. I think that I was 20 when he was.

Yeah. It was. Except, no, no, I remember. It was actually this guy. I was with my ski instructor and we were going down the hill. And we both just got taken out by this guy going like 100 miles an hour. Oh, my God. Scary.

Like, we all go flying. Our skis go flying. He gets up and he goes, sorry, ma'am, first time on skis. Ma'am? He called you ma'am. No, no, too. My ski instructor. Didn't even notice me.

Like, I was just sort of there. Collateral damage. Yeah, just I was like 10 feet away. and then he just put his skis on and like B-line down the hill. I don't think he knew how to turn. What if it was that guy that also took out Gwyneth Paltrow? Did you watch that trial? Parts of it.

There's a place What is the word she used to describe how he like ran into her? It was like the funniest language. I couldn't get involved in that trial because I was just something else happened in that week. That trial, did you watch any of attesist? That trial was hysterical. People said that her lawyer was giving like

half high school mock trial, L. Woods energy. Like, it was very funny. Anyway, so... I'm sad I missed that cultural moment. Something else was going on. Okay. So you gave her the ick. Okay. Yeah. No, no. It just reminded me that that's just not the sexiest thing that a guy can do. But I still want a guy that, like, rides around bikes. Like, you live here in Venice. Like, it makes sense. I just want to understand what you guys mean by ick. Like, I just want to understand. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Okay. Yeah. It's gotten out of control.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And we have done multiple episodes on this. it's just like everything can't be an ick. You can't just be turned off by everything that people do. And I think that what it means is like, to me, it's something that happens early on before you have really fallen for somebody or had sex with them a bunch or committed to them. Like it's newer.

It's like when you're still on the fence. And it's just like a little thing they do that makes your vagina go inside of itself. You know? Just dries up a little. It tends to be like kind of a quirk. Like once you like fall for somebody, it's stuff that like you think is kind of,

kind of cute. I was telling this guy, like, the way he drinks water out of a water bottle, it's he kind of puts his tongue out first, like, towards the hole. It gives me the ick to watch him do it. But like, people, once you care about them are like, itproof, but in the beginning, like thong sandals. Can someone recover from an ick? Yes. Okay. So it's just like a strike against you a little bit. It's just I have to look away while you do it. You can recover for it or they can change it. You know what I mean? Like some guys, listen. Yeah, I'll just fly around now instead of ride a bike. You can use my car. I told you that. But some guys might be like, I don't know, I moved to New York City from

Atlanta and I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to wear flip flops in the street and then they just learn and then now they no longer are out giving flip flops? Yeah, like long sandals. That's like an ink? I don't know. It's for Raina. Oh, okay. I find it to be an ick in Manhattan with a gene. Oh, if you're wearing like tollless shoes in Manhattan, you should be lobotomized. Thank you. A guy wearing flip pops in Venice is not a to me. Right. That's so true. Asking for directions and not asking for directions. Like, if I go into Home Depot with a guy and he refuses to ask for help, I'm like, that's embarrassing for you. But watching them ask for help is also kind of embarrassing. See, like, we can't do anything these days. You guys have

gone too far. Yeah. I mean, like, I get it. Like, you see a guy do, I feel like it's an exaggeration a little bit. You know, you see a guy do something you don't like. You're like, ick. And then you get in your head about it. You make it a bigger deal than it has to be. Like, okay, maybe you don't find something the most attractive, but like, don't let that be a knock against him. You'll be like, I'm not going to have sex with him tonight because I saw him tread water. Yeah, I said. Well, that's the, that one's making the rounds on social media. That girl, she went underwater and saw him treading water.

It's unbelievable. A recent one was a guy jumping out of a trampoline. No. It's riding a horse. Riding a horse? Well, it depends on how they're riding it. You and guys riding anything is just, you and guys riding a horse. Unless they're riding me.

I don't want it. Wait, Ashley, you're watching guys ride Rayna. I guess guys can't ride me. That is so funny. You look back while he's fucking you doggy. You're like, oh, I got the ick. Why are you doing that? He's going like this.

Our friend had the funniest ick yesterday. Sally had the funniest ick. She got the ick because she was driving this guy. Like him being in the passenger's being Cape Worthy. She was driving. She offered to pick him up. She offered. taking you a date.

And then he got in the car and she's like, oh, I don't like this. Yes. Get out. She offered to drive. And she was like, it really gave me the ick. Okay, here's the thing. Men say that they don't get the ick as much. It doesn't exist for men as much.

We had Jared Fried on the show. We talked to him about it a lot. But I also think that women are more hyper aware of every movement that they make and everything they're doing than men are because we've been told, like, be this way. And that every woman is like, is everything. okay all the time. Is my hair okay? Is my makeup okay? Or the movements I'm doing okay? Like, I think women are just more aware and like try to be in control of every little thing about themselves because everyone judges us all the time for everything. Well, I think there's this like, if a guy

thinks you're hot, he just thinks you're hot. Like that's kind of what it is where women, it's so much more like, oh my God, he moved in a weird way. Like no guy, if he thinks you're hot, I just think that's it. Yeah, yeah. I don't think he's going to be like, you know, you do some clumsy thing as a woman and a guy is turned off. If he already thought you were hot, I think it's, sticks. You could like murder his whole family and he would still be like, damn, still want to fuck her. Okay, what if I tripp a lot? I trip a lot. I don't

think that matters like it matters to when a guy does it to a woman. You know what I mean? Because some of these things I think are just like emasculating maybe and you're like, ew, that's not so masculine. I don't know. I guess that's part of it. You want a guy to just be like smooth and confident. So those little things that make him look a certain way. But I don't know. I mean, again, it's like you can't write everybody

off for everything. Yeah. Is he smooth and confident in the bedroom? But that's all you need. I've never written anybody off for an Eck. And Ike is usually a symptom of just something else I don't like about you. Well, what would turn you off, though? Like, I think their turnoffs are definitely like a real thing.

They're definitely more relevant. I feel like X usually imply like, oh, well, you're not going to give them a chance or something or like disqualify them, you know, for whatever. Like, whereas the turnoff is like in a moment, I don't really feel like horny for you. Yeah. I would say some of my turnoffs are like when you're hanging out and, And, like, they're just on their phone the whole time. Mm-hmm.

I think these are all things that, like, everyone sort of agrees are just, like, rude or not okay. Yeah. You find that a lot in L.A. Yeah. It's like people, people are so in their own world. And honestly, one of my big turnoffs is being asked about my sign. It's very L.A. I without fail, every date I've been on in L.A.

since I've moved here. I've been asked in some version what my sign is. Okay. So let me ask you this. If it's just a quick, when's your birthday? Like, actually, I would never ask them when their sign. I would ask their birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's some version of that. Okay, but if it's quick and then that's it and they move on, is that okay? Or is people asking you for your chart? Or is it all together? Say like, a turn off to you. It's like 50-50. You know, 50% of the time it's just like, oh, cool.

Like, I mean, you know, this is funny, whatever. And that's fine. But it has happened where they're like, what time were you born? No. I'm like, what? And it's happened so much that I actually. Really? Yeah, it's happened enough that I.

I actually have a co-star now. One of the dates that I went on, the girl was like, let me make your co-star. What's a co-star? You guys don't know. How do I know what co-star is and you guys don't? It's an app for like astrology stuff. I've heard of the app, yeah. And then you find all your stuff.

Yeah, it's like you put in all this information, your time, your location, all this stuff. And it comes up with your whole chart and everything. So I have that. And so when the girl like starts asking about more details, at this point, I'm just like whatever. I'm just going to lean into it and have fun and see. what happens. So I hand them my phone and I show them the co-star and then they're like,

oh, so you're like a manipulative piece of shit? And I'm like, yeah, but here's the thing. I think that it's nice that you entertain it because listen, if this is, a lot of women are really into this, but I think it gets out of control when you could be on a date with a woman and she sees your chart and is like, I'm out. You know what I mean? Like, that's so crazy and that's not fair. I mean, don't get me wrong. You know, the second they're asking what time I'm born, like, I'm never going to see this girl again. Like, I'm just, at this point, I'm like, okay, this, this date's gone off the rails. I'm just going to, you know, have the most fun.

He's a Gemini. Yeah, but when you know all three? Oh, yeah, I think I do. Gemini, I'm a Leo rising and a Libra moon. Okay. I don't know what that means. You guys tell me. Yeah, but I just know our listeners need to know that.

You guys are going to get some messages and be like, never talk to this guy again. Turn and run. I've told people, I don't know. I've heard mostly negative things about being a Gemini man. Like being a Gemini man is a big no-no apparently. I cannot stress enough. Put as much weight into this as you want. But come on.

This is not all. It's not a prescription for anything. We joke all the time like tourists, men this, tourist men that, whatever. There's probably some great tourist men out there. I would say like in my experience, having a lot of friends that are girls and just hearing from different girls about,

oh, don't date tourists men, don't date Capricorn men, don't date, you know, whatever. Like the common denominator is always just men in general. It's nothing to do with the sign. I feel like it's always just, you know, you can always find something negative about any of the signs. But Gemini men really have a bad rap.

Like even the girls that aren't really into it, they're like, oh, when were you born? And I'm like, oh, June. They're like, you can see, like, their face just, like, adjust a little bit. Like, they're like, oh. I've never dated a Gemini man. I have no touch point for it. I want to tread so lightly because I know people really are into this and take it

seriously. and you know I believe in a lot of this. But to me, like, I hear you on like telling someone you're born in June and them reacting negatively is kind of crazy. It's like you just met me. You don't know anything about me. I don't like it. It would turn me off too. You can use this as a guide if you actually believe in it, but I wouldn't make decisions based on it.

You know what I mean? But even just reacting a little bit. You know, it's just like your immediate reaction is like, uh-oh, I'm on the defense now because he was born in June. Like that just doesn't seem fair. But also if you're a woman and you're a woman. you believe in it so strongly and that's how you like to date, that's fine. Right. If you don't subscribe to it, though, I understand you thinking it's an ick.

I don't subscribe to it. It would be an ick for me if some guy was making him give him my birth chart on a first date. Then making decisions about me based on it. And it's fine also if like astrology is your religion and that's what it is. You know, if I tell someone that like I'm agnostic or whatever and they immediately cringe and they're turned off, that's not my person. Yeah, exactly. Like I would say, yeah, it is the equivalent of an ick when someone is judging people based on

astrology. But it's more just like people who judge without all the information, you know, just like based on nothing. Yeah. I like what you said about the phone too. I mean, to me, if I'm on my phone on a date, I've decided I don't like you. And, you know, I know I'm being rude. It's happened like twice, you know, where I kind of knew what I was doing, but I don't do it a lot. I still like to respect people's time. But to me, I'm like, if you like somebody, you want to see them again and you are like on your phone a lot during a date, like you're doing it wrong. Yeah, no, 100%. female,

whoever. Oh, I'm 100% out. I never touch my phone on a date. You know me. I'll go on a date. You won't hear from me for two hours.

So I go to the bathroom to touch shit on that person with you. Yeah. Like I'll never touch my phone for one second. I'm like 100% out on it. I'm not even like I could sort of tolerate it.

I like really don't like it. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I like your turnoffs. Thanks. Well, that's like I would say my main one.

I'm pretty easy going otherwise about most things. Yes. You're a great catch. You're single. I am. What do you feel like you genuinely are looking for right now? And there is no wrong answer. But are you dating casually?

Do you want a partner? I feel like this is such a cop-out answer, but it's the truth is I'm obviously open to meeting the right person. I want to meet the right person. I think everyone does. I wouldn't say I'm like desperately searching. I think that that's a way to set yourself up for failure if you end up desperately looking for a relationship.

But if I meet the right person that compliments the way I'm living my life now, I think that that would be. something I'm really open to. You are open. Yeah, 100%. You're not like, I'm just, I'm not like, I'm not like, I'm grinding at all time. No, I'm enjoying being single. Like, there's no, no problems with that, but, you know, I would love to meet someone that I can really share a life with. That would be great. So, well, ladies, I don't even think we said your name. So try to find him. I don't know. I don't know how many Yonatan's there are out there. I don't think I said it. His name is Yonatan and I follow him. So that's how you.

Oh, my. That's right. That's it. That's all. Great. That's all. Yeah. So I hope you find a nice. I think you're a great catch. Oh, thank you. Super smart. Azoal likes you.

Yeah. I'm a big fan of Azul. Yeah. You like Azul, I think he's a great judge of character. You have a great relationship with your mom. I love the way you speak about your mom. It feels like you guys are just going to pawn me off to some of your fans or something.

Well, they're the best. And we like you. Yeah. They really are. Yeah. Even though some of them right now are like, Gemini. Yeah, literally. Did you say Leo rise?

How tall are you? How tall are? I'm 6-2. Okay, so no one cares what your sign is anymore. Yeah. He went to Yale and he's six-foot-two and he's a beautiful man. He could be a triple tourist and y'all do not care. None of you bitches talk to him.

He's mine now. Not that you. I'm willing to bet like the last 15 minutes, you know, people all they heard was Gemini 6-2 and that's it. They heard Yale. They heard Yale. Oh, Yale. Which school in Yale, though. It was the main one.

Which the main one? Which, yeah. So we want to tell us story. Yeah, you got to tell us story. I was telling him. I was in New Haven. and I bought a Yale sweatshirt and I was like parading around in New York

and I like, I look so smart. And somebody's like, did you go to Yale? And I was like, I did. And they said, where'd you live? And I was like, I lied. They probably asked what residential college. Yeah, they also could have got you on that. And Raina would have been like, the main one.

The big one. The Yale. The main one. Did you not hear me? Okay. Thank you for being here and for being my neighbor. Yeah. You're welcome.

Thanks for moving in next door. You guys have a great thing going. I mean, you really literally live in like the same house essentially. Yeah, we share a wall. And it's just nice for her. It's like, you know, single woman and you're there. I think she has a sense of safety and you guys have become buddies.

And it's just really so nice. I have a neighbor friend. Yeah, it's super nice. I do want to buy this house and become your landlord. Did you know we talk about that? Yeah, yeah, I know. I'd move out immediately. Well, I'd be the best landlord.

Actually, I don't know. You would be. I just used to pay me and you probably wouldn't hear from me that much. Yeah, but I'd want a discount. That's so funny. He's haggling. Ruins the friendship. Yeah.

No, I feel like that's fair. Like, you know, I offer protection and company. If somebody broke in, you wouldn't be able to get to me before they did. But you do offer some protection. I would, if I were here when your, like, little pheasant thing happened, when you got the animal that died outside of your, you already, do you talk about that? No, there was this animals, like, ripped in half in front of my door. And I was having a fucking meltdown about it.

It was really bad. I would have helped you if I was in town. I had to call a task rabbit. It was so bad. Anyways, yes, I do feel safer knowing that you're here. I think that people see a man walking in and out of this house, and I like that. Yeah. So, yeah, thank you for being here.

Honored. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Thanks. Let us know if you guys liked him. We might have him back. He's just around the corner. Yeah, he's just hanging out.

Yeah, he lives here. I'll come by anytime. All right. Bye. Okay. Well, now that our mini guest is going to me. He's pretty big. No, but you know what I mean?

It's like not the full episode. What do we call it? A bite-sized guest. An intro. A teaser. A bite-sized. What do we say about Sparkle Eyes? We didn't say anything.

This is our new thing now, apparently. We have an intro guest. Yeah. Intro special and intro special. I love that. Like when you join a gym, you get the intro special. So here's the thing. We're trying to see if you guys like these people and we're going to let them stick around.

And so we just sprinkle them in a little bit at the beginning and we'll let them know if they can have the whole episode. I actually like sprinkle. Yeah. Sprinkle on a sparkle eyes. Sprinkle eyes and sparkle eyes. So I had one more ick to talk about. Melody's gone. This is going to be controversial.

And some people are not going to like it. Oh, okay. I'm excited. I know you agree with me, but now that we're recording, we need to record a little bit in advance, but this Jacob Allorty GQ interview was... I know. That we were saying?

Yes, it's such an egg. Jacob Allorty, GQ interview was making the rounds. Yeah. I think he's super hot. He's beautiful man. He's like in my top 10. Wow. I find him very sexy.

Wow. He's like, six, five. He's sexy to me. If you can take his like euphoria character out of it, you know what I mean? But he said this thing that, Listen, I understand it and support it, but to me, I don't love it when a man typically, mostly men say this, that they say their dog is their best friend. I don't like it. It's weird. That's an animal. Get a best friend. That's an animal that you have in captivity.

The way he said it. You have bought it or rescued it. It has to live with you. It's not a reciprocal relationship. It's not choosing to be there. You're forcing it. I understand you gave it a better life, but it's in captivity. and that's not your best friend. It's an animal. You're also paying for it to be there. Yes, you're paying for it. It relies on you for all of its food and medical care. The way he was like, I mean,

to come home every day and have something excited to see you and you leave and they're upset, I mean, there's no feeling like it. I'm like, yes there is, it's called being in love. It's going to be friends and family. That is an amazing feeling.

Sure. But the best friend thing to say animal is your best friend. What's worse? Your animal or your partner? It's your best friend. No, partner, I understand.

Partner can absolutely be your best friend. I'm of a really deep friendship now with my boyfriend. He's not my best friend, but like, you know, we're buddies. Like, we're buds. Azul and I, like, you're not best friends with you. I love him so deeply, but it's not a friendship. If I ever. Friendship implies that two people have agency in which they can both make the decision.

A friendship is not when one of you. you is in captivity in a home. And dogs do provide so much that friends do. You know what I mean? They can comfort you. They can soothe you. I mean, dogs like save lives. Like this dog just pulled this baby out of a trash can and saved his life in like somewhere the other day. Dogs are great. They really are like man's best friend, yada, yada, but we got to stop saying this. A guy says his dog is his best friend. Get some fucking friends. I don't like it. Okay. And I know guys that like all they care about is their dog. It's the most important thing in their life. They still don't say it's my best friend.

Remember that guy though that I kind of liked. He wrote this caption about his dog. It was like three pages long and I was like, Ashley, this is sweet. But like, am I a terrible person because this gives me the ick? Yeah. It's too much. Yeah, I know. And the thing is, is like, I might say it jokingly.

Like, I might call his old, like, my bestie. And like, we hang out all the time. You know, we go on hikes together. We do stuff together. Like, we're buds. We go to breakfast. You know, like, we hang out. And I, like, adore him.

And he comforts me. And I can't imagine my life without him. but like to dead serious, dead serious say your dog is your best. I actually will tell you it doesn't even bother me when somebody says it's the love of my life. Like that's different. That doesn't bother me. Love of my life. I say it all the time.

Right. But best friend is like, again, it's implying that that thing made the decision to be there and they have not. Love of my life. Only one of you needs to believe that. Right. Like it's so embarrassing. And it's like, no dog thinks you're his best friend. Right.

That squirrel that chases around is his best friend. This dog is like, I don't know, dude. Like, I used to live with, like, my brothers and stuff. And, like, I miss them. I used to have a family and a mom. And you took me away from that. You're actually my worst enemy. Azul's like, Verde is my best friend.

As well, like, my best friends are Verdei Roja and Rose. And I don't even know where the fuck they are. You're actually my worst friend. You took me away from all those people. You are my worst enemy. I'm so glad I'm your best friend because you ruined my life and my whole family's life. Oh my gosh. Okay.

Okay. I'm having fun today. It's like so cozy. I know. Sweat shirts. Yeah. I want to sit cross-legged. Yeah.

Okay. Cris-cross apples sauce? Chris cross applesau. If a guy says criss cross applesauce. That is so funny. That's so heck. He says it or he sits. So, yeah.

I don't mind if a guy sits that way. It shows the his flexibility, which I like. I had had an. that could not get in that position if he tried. Couldn't pull his leg up. He was so unflexible and stiff. And I'm like, you need yoga in your life. That's crazy.

Yeah. And that's why you guys broke up. Exactly. I was like, you're not flexible? Forget it. Okay, so we got this email. The topic today, I'm really excited. So we got this email and I forwarded you and I was going to be a funny intro topic.

And then you were like, let's make it a whole episode. And then we crowdsourced. The email is about dick size. But the overall topic is like things that you've overshared or just shared with your friends you wish you could put back in the box. And we pulled you guys and per usual, you delivered such amazing things. We're just going to like go through some of them. And I find us so relatable. Yeah. You want to read the email? Yeah. Okay. She said, what is the subject line? Because I think it was funny, right? Okay. The subject line is friends knowing boyfriend's dick size. So if you want our attention,

that's how to get it. Yeah. Okay. So she said, love the show. I was listening to the news episode today and heard you guys talk about if you see any sort of a future with someone, you don't need your friends knowing their dick size. Well, this reminded me of an embarrassing situation I'm currently in. When I was about 24, there was this guy that was a friend of a friend. And anytime he was in town, he was visiting, we would hook up. I was never that into him and honestly found him pretty annoying at the time, but was young and bored, so why not? After these hookups, I would often drunkenly tell my friends how small his dick was. Oh my God. And she said, to be fair, though, I did always say the sex was good. Fast forward seven years. We've recently reconnected. We

You've now been dating for seven months. And I just have to live with the knowledge that I've told all my friends on multiple occasions how small his dick is. Guess I kind of deserve it, though. Ha, ha. So she didn't even ask a question. This is very funny. She's just sharing.

Yeah, she's sharing. Like, she did not pose the questions that we're going to answer today. She's just like, she's out here. She's like, I did this myself and it's what it is. She's so funny. Because I feel like the question is, how much should you share? Yeah. So we posted this.

there was a lot of like themes in different buckets and some of it was heavier like financial stuff. A lot of body and sex stuff, money stuff, and fighting, which I think comes up a lot. Small fights and negative things about people. So I was thinking about this a lot. I have actually probably undershared in my life to the point that like when I do share a problem,

people were like, oh, I didn't know that was like a thing. Because I operate from a stance of like, I don't want to embarrass the person that I'm with. But I do think you tend to share this kind of stuff like week one, month one. Like I'm not telling people like what my boyfriend's dick looks like but you might have told people the first time you slept with that person. And, like, you can't put it in the box.

But I'm not going to live my life thinking, you know, future me might be upset about this. So if I have a crazy sexual experience, I'm going to tell you about it. Yeah. I can't just be like, well, maybe I'll be into him in seven years, you know? But I think it's important to self-edit. So in different stages of relationships, I think it's important to self-edit. And we always say, just have one or two friends you can buy everything in. There's nothing that would ever happen in my life I wouldn't tell you about.

But you're that person. I just, I think that you know me well enough to give me good advice. I think you and I know when I've gotten to a point, you've gotten to a point where you're just venting and it's gotten to like a negative place and we got to reel each other in, you know? Like I have two people I tell everything in the world too. Yeah. That's my safe space.

Well, to me, dick size, if I know my friends' partners dick size, like that doesn't make me view him any differently. Totally. I know that he voted for Trump twice. Yeah. I know that he, I don't know, doesn't believe. in women's rights or whatever it is, like LGBTQIA rights or doesn't believe in abortion. Like, you know, or I know this thing he said to her and insulted her or how he disrespected

her or, you know, you went into getting to cheating and things like that, which we always say cheating isn't black and white. But the sex stuff, the body stuff, the personal stuff, I don't look at them differently when I'm saying across the dinner table from them. Like, it's really stuff that's like character base that you really have to self-edit on. Totally. You know, this Trump came up, you know, and I think that there's this difference between someone that voted for Trump wants and voted for Trump twice. And, you know, I have friends that have partners that voted the first time.

I don't think my, like, tight circle, but like maybe friends of friends or, you know, but like, and then have seen the light, you know what I mean? But, like, that's tricky. Like, I can't help but judge. You know what I mean? If I know that you're with somebody that really does not share the same values. And I talk about that as like a bigger scale of like, that happens, you know, your friends pick somebody and you're like, oh, my God, like, they're this far right person.

person that, and again, we all have different politics, but I'm talking about for me. And, you know, most of our friends are like Liberlini. We believe in like equal rights and these things. And, you know, you find out that someone holds those totally different values or the other stuff about, you know, maybe they're really possessive and of course, things like that. Well, I like to give me the distinction between is something character slash value based. And I don't respect the type of person this is. And now I have to listen to talk about them. And now everything you're telling me about them, I can only help but build a case against them. human or is it stuff that like that's your fucking problem like yeah to their dick or like how

they fuck or what kinks they're into or even if like you're like he has a ton of debt I'm like that's your problem yeah I know there's different buckets of this stuff like lifestyle stuff too yeah I'm like that's your problem to deal with I don't care he's fun I mean it makes you think a certain type of way like I have a friend that this was so long ago but she finally opened up to me because she couldn't hold it in any longer of like some really dark debt stuff of her husband. And all I felt was, you know, sympathy for everyone involved. And I love him and he's a great guy. And like, I certainly don't look at him many differently now. You know what I mean? And then they worked it out. Yeah. I mean, also it's like, what's the tone of this? Like, I think the only time

I really don't like it is when somebody is sharing every little fight and every little negative thing. And we can break that down more. But like, every little infraction. And I'm like, okay, well, I have built a profile of this person based on only negative things you've told me about them. and I don't like them. And now this is causing an issue between us. Right. But lifestyle-based, like, a lot of stuff, like, I regret telling my friends

that either my partner does drugs or has slept with sex workers. I thought those two were really interesting. And those were also kind of, I'm like, well, that's your problem to do, us this? If my friend said to me, like, my new boyfriend says he's fucked a bunch of prostitutes, I'd be like, well, do you care?

If you don't care, I certainly don't care. Does he test it? Does this panel back yet? That's his hobby. I don't care. That's your problem. I don't know. Like, he does a bunch of Coke.

Is it a problem for you guys? Right. If it's not, I don't know. It doesn't bother me. Right. But he's doing a bunch of Coke and he's not showing up and he's coming home late and he's ruining your life. Now it's different.

But also, you're upset all the time and that's affecting our time when we hang out because all you're doing is like crying and complaining. Okay, then it starts to become my problem a little bit. You know what I mean? But otherwise, yeah. So with the dick size thing, like I want to go back to that. It sounds like she's like, yeah, well, obviously I don't care. But, you know, I.

I don't think If my boyfriend Had a tiny dick I don't I wouldn't be tell me I don't think I could not tell you But I'm thinking back to the first time you When you got into the car with me and Tessa

And Oh we're doing this No I'm just But like I think I said like How was the dick And you were like it was great Like I don't think like

I don't think we really got into it I don't think I was like Was it circumcised? What was the? the girth, how long was it like, I just, I didn't ask and you didn't share. I just think you were like the dick was good and that's enough for me. But it is crazy to your point of you never really know, you know, what's going to happen. So you do sometimes hook up with somebody and you are with the girls the next day. You're recapping over brunch and you're like, oh my God, you guys,

this little dick. I died and then that's going to be your boyfriend. You never know. You really never know, and you can't put it back in the box. Everybody knows. We're not trying to body shame, you know, whatever. Like, I can't stress enough now that I watch naked attraction. That's my whole personality. Like, I know the stats. You only need a couple inches to be satisfied as a woman.

You know, like, I know guys are already insecure about this. I'm not trying to body shame. But this email came in and we're going to talk about it. I think that like if somebody has a ridiculously small penis, you're talking about it or an insanely huge penis. I'm talking about it. Or like something crazy like that. People brought up like Tortle-deck, fourskin.

Yeah, people brought up like, I regret saying that my man is uncircised. Why? I remember that night we were staying around with a bunch of girlfriends and we were talking about like, what was the best sex you ever had? And we just got on the topic of uncircumcised dicks and how like everyone at the table that was like the best sex they've ever had. Also like the people at the table were, the people that had sex with are not all just like American guys, right?

But even on a naked attraction, they said that it can feel better because when it like folds down, it gives you like more sensation against that sensitive part of your body and even like ribbed condoms are sometimes modeled after an uncircumcised penis. So I just want to tell the women that maybe aren't familiar. I'm just speaking on behalf of them

that don't be scared. If it's new to you. There's nothing to be scared. No, not at all. Penises are great. All shapes and sizes even the small ones. But I feel like maybe the shame and having shared that is just like,

I don't need people knowing what my man's dick looks like, period. Yeah. So like, you were like, I saw my first uncircumcised dick and that suddenly becomes your husband. I can see some people are like a little more conservative, and they're like,

I told everybody a brunch from my man's dick looks like. We're standing at the altar and everybody's like, I wonder what turtleneck he's wearing today. But it's so funny. Uncircumcised is like, it's so not a thing to me. So it's just like, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Like one time there's a big blowout fight and one of your girlfriends is like, you uncircumcised ass bitch. It's different if it's small dick. You know what I mean? Like you're out at like some big function with all your friends. and I don't know, your man gets into it with your friend.

And she's like, that's why you had a small dick. You know, like, she told all of us how small your dick is. Yeah, like, yikes. I mean, I feel like I share a lot of sex stuff with my friends. It just is what it's going to be, you know? Like, even, like, if they do something weird, this guy was using my rib cage to, like, fuck me. Yeah. He was, like, not anchoring himself to my, but I was on the bottom.

He was on top. And he wasn't using, like, my waist, my hands, my shoulders, my neck, like, my rib cage. It was so weird. But like, I thought maybe I'll date this person, but I'm going to make fun of this with everybody. Because it's weird. I know. I had a guy that grabbed my ribs too much. And I was like, ow, they are fragile.

What are we? Rib cage. And then you crack one, you can't do anything about it. You just got to wait it out. I've never seen that before. Rib cage. A big rib cage guy. And to like close the loop on sex stuff, other people brought up that somebody has like crazy

kinks or that they can't get it up. I mean, I just, I'm talking about this my friends because sex is weird and funny. And I want advice of like, have you ever seen this before? I remember the first guy that ever asked me to peg him. I was like, I got to ask everyone if they've done this. I know the urge to share every little thing, and especially when you're younger. And I say this as someone who was more like that when you're younger. I mean, you really do grow out of a lot of this, and you really do figure out your fluttering

system and who you tell what to. And I think that there is power in processing things on your own and not needing to share immediately with everybody. And I say that as someone who was like, oh my God, in my 20s, even early 30s, like everything that happened has got to tell my mom, got to tell the group chat, got to tell all these people. And then, you know, you grow up. And then there is less drama. There should be maybe in your relationships and you just don't feel that need to do that need to do that need to be keeping stuff in. That's not what we're saying. Obviously stuff that, especially if it's harmful in any way or you really need to get off your chest, you should share. Of course. But like you do figure that out, you know, over time of like who you tell what to. And I think there is this, when you're younger, I always want to not speak in a to any manner because I'm speaking to like my former self too. Like when we're all younger, we all just act a little crazier. And there is the fear that the stuff you tell your friends comes back up. You know what I mean? In some way, shape or form, you're out drinking more, you're partying more, or maybe a little more drama in the friend group. And it does like come out

in some way. And then you have an issue with your partner. And he's like, what are you telling everybody? You know? So I get that too. I love everything you said. Yeah, of course in my 20s. I just overshared everything with everybody. And also everything was new to me then, right? Totally. I just, there was less information. on the internet, there wasn't podcasts. I didn't know any of this. Stuff was a bigger deal. Yeah, so I had to ask everybody what was going on.

Now, for a lot of reasons I like to self-filter. I like what you said, it's important to be able to just have self-talk and be like, am I overreacting about this? This is this crazy? Like, I don't want to embarrass my partner. Like, that's my primary reason for not doing it. I say to myself, like, is this going to change the way other people view them? Yes.

And unless, again, like Ashley said, like, if you're not safe, that's different. If you're being emotionally abused, God forbid, physically abused, yeah, share that with the right people. Right. But otherwise, I do you. don't want to embarrass them. And also, when you share things with other people, you're going to get advice back and that advice goes through the filter of those people's lives and where they are in life. And your married friends are going to give you totally different advice. And your friend

to be single for 20 years, then you're newly in a relationship friend. And I want to be able to process how I want to react to something before I put it through the lens of how does somebody else think I should react to this. Totally. Yeah. And there's also a world in which some of the bigger things that you think may affect someone's judgment of your partner goes to your therapist or something. You know, or that random friend at work. You know, everybody's got that work friend that doesn't know anybody else. Or, and I think there's also, you know, some friends that just have zero judgment. They've been through it all, done it all.

And their friends that just have a little more judgment. Yeah. You know, like I wouldn't say that I am the least judgmental person on the planet. And I say that in a world of like, I don't judge anybody for their life choices, like, or sexuality, like that kind of stuff. But like, you can't just tell me anything and everything. and have me not start to think a certain way about your partner. I'm building what I think of them, and I can keep it together when we're out with them.

I've built this case based on the information you and whatnot. Yeah, but it's like some stuff I can't forget. I think that like it's packaged incorrectly when somebody says to you, like I feel like you're judging me. And it's like, I'm allowed to make a judgment call about this. You've handed me the information and I'm a human being. And this has happened to me with girlfriends throughout my life, I'm sure everybody that like they've dated a person and you don't really like that person.

And all the information you're getting is negative about that person. And I'm a human and I've heard enough and I didn't sign a contract that said, I will never judge anything that you do. I signed a friendship contract that said I will try to be kind and open-minded and a good sounding board. But never judging what you're doing is not what I'm going to do. I'm not, it's not a good friend. Yeah. And I think that like the worst situations for me is like people that really can't filter and

they've shared all this information, every little fight, every little and And you're like, I unfortunately for you, I have this information now. And I have to make a judgment call on your partner because I'm an adult and I have eyes. And don't tell me this if you don't want me to have an opinion about it. And I would never say that to any of my friends as if like I want them to shut the fuck up. But like you have to realize that if you share a negative thing after negative thing, that's all I think about this person. And I'm judging you a little bit for still being in the situation.

And maybe you should take a little responsibility that number one, maybe you've overshared. or you should share some positive things in addition to. Yes, to balance it. Because if it's only negative, then that's really all I know. I've built this character profile just with the information you handed me. Yeah.

I mean, I want to just deep dive on the fighting, you know, because, I mean, I was in a past relationship where it was so much fighting and I was not able to self-edit like I do now. And sometimes some of those things of like, you just got to take a beat before you shoot out a text while you're still mad. You know, you have to be like,

can I saw this thing I'm mad about or whatever it may be internally or can my partner and I work it out, do I really have to share this with the whole world, with the whole group chat, with my parents, whatever it may be. And I mean, luckily I had really supportive friends at that time and people who didn't judge me, but I did share too much with my parents. And I talked about this and my dad did not want him to come to Christmas. I mean, we were off and on so many times. And of course, you know, we broke up and he kind of screwed me on like going to Corey's wedding and this and that. And then, you know, my mom had to be like, your dad doesn't want him at Christmas. Ashley, what do you expect, you know? And I had to like talk my dad off the ledge and really explain

a lot of things. I think I talked about this with the Sierra and my episode. And he did come. And, you know, we broke up after and, you know, I moved away. But I did share too much, you know, and like in my head, it was like the times that I shared, I was like so. certain it was over, but I should have run the tape on it was never over. You know, like, it still isn't over. Like, we always did this thing back and forth. And, you know, I will say this one thing happened and you were there for it. And I remember we were in Philly.

It was like, I think 2019 and we were having brunch with Corey and Lauren Lee after the show or whatever. And I don't know how it came up, but I told Corey this thing that happened the weekend that she got engaged. And he had come with me and we were having a great night. And then he just like was drunk and he said something. so mean to me and the whole night took a turn and we fought and like it was totally unprovoked. It was totally unfair. And I never really told anybody because I was really embarrassed.

And it came up at that lunch and Corey, she like saw red. I know. I mean, you were there. She was like, she was like, she was like, I feel it choked up now. She was like, I can't believe he said that to you. And I'm like, yeah. And this was like moments after you just got engaged, you know, that I surprised you and it ruined my night, you know? And I knew back then that I could never tell her that until I knew I was over with him for good. It had been years. You know, we've been over for the year or two by the time I told her this. And it was like, God, thank God, I didn't tell her back then when, you know, I still wanted her to like him. And ever since then, I think, and I think she has some empathy for him as a person.

And he's changed and I want nothing for the best for him. But, I mean, she even years later got all fired up about it. And was just like, I had no idea that stuff like that was going on, you know. So anyway, again, we were. a volatile couple and I never like when I speak about him anonymously, but I always just want to make sure, you know, people know that I think he's like a good person. I think we just had a really tough relationship. But I just used that example as her being like, what the actual fuck? You know, thank God you didn't tell me this back then. He would have been uninvited to the wedding.

Like I still wanted him to come to her wedding after that. I think that you also had like realized at this point, this is a volatile relationship. We go back and forth constantly. And like, I need to like uncouple from this. But like continuously telling everybody how terrible he is, it almost starts to make you look back as you stayed. A hundred percent. Like, you've got to think about that too. Like, what is this saying about me? I realized when I stopped telling people completely the stuff that's happening, and this

only happened to me once in my early 20s, the first boyfriend I lived with, he was awful and I realized I was withholding information. He was really, like, a pathological liar and probably kind of emotionally abusive. When I realized I was lying, then I was time to go, you know? But also, my relationship, it was time to go, too. You know what I mean? Like, if you find yourself doing what I was doing, telling him. about all this stuff.

It's a bad relationship. Yeah, and I don't want to contradict ourselves, but there just is a difference. Yeah. I have a good example, actually. Our friends that are married, who we love them as a couple, they are really great,

and they are really open about, like, maybe if they have fights, you know, their therapy, things like that. Like, they really do share. And she said to us recently, we were with both of them. There was a conversation we were all having a dinner.

She was like, do you feel like you can't tell your friends sometimes when you fight with your partner? And she was saying that she just was trying to tell a friend about a fight, that her and her husband had gotten in, and it wasn't anything crazy. It was just a normal fight

that a married couple would get in. And she said this particular friend, like, ever since it's kind of been like, are you guys okay? Like, she's like, how's it going? And she's like, I just, I don't know, we just kind of fight. Like, it was a normal fight.

You know, like, there's also that side of it too where I guess it's the nature of the fight. Right. I don't want to contradict myself, but like there's a line and you know when you hit it. Yeah. But it's like, I think you should know

on the other side that couples do fight and people like to vent. and then everything's okay. I think it's the nature of the argument that this person hurl insults at you and do these terrible things to you or it was just like a normal fight between a couple that's been together a long time.

Yeah, interesting thing. Is the theme of this relationship that everything you tell me about them is negative? Do I never hear anything positive? Like the couple you're talking about is like, they're fun, they're fun, they love each other, they're like a lot of fun to be around. And so if she tells me like,

we had a fight about X, Y, Z, I don't negatively judge him for it. I don't think anything about him or her. I'm just like, okay, this seems. about fights that they've had. It makes me think nothing than this is a normal couple and couples have conflict. Yes. It's usually like friends that like it's just a tornado of negativity and anytime you bring up the partner, it's like just like fight, fight, fight story, terrible thing to say about them. And I was talking to a girlfriend of mine today because I said to her, you're very different in your last relationship with your current one. And the last one,

I wouldn't say she complained constantly. I wouldn't call it complaining. I think she was venting, but she did share a lot. It did sort of make me, I wouldn't have liked him anyways, but verified that I didn't like him. And I said to her, do you feel like you kind of overshared in that relationship and how did you take that lesson into the new one? And she said, I do look back at it and I was sharing with everybody, but she said something to me that really like hit me. She was like, I think I was looking for validation that I was right, that these things weren't normal, that like, that all of these things were really hurtful. And she was like, I was upset all the time, but I wanted other people to like validate that for me. And she was like, but I realized that like, then you go to therapy for that.

Like, that she basically was like just saying all this stuff all the time because she just, she needed help. It was like a cry for help and I certainly was there for her. He wasn't abusive in any way. He was just an asshole. But she said, you know, my current relationship, because I've never heard her complain about that guy, I've heard her talk about things in a circumstantial way and ask for, like, advice seeking.

And I said her, I've never heard you really talk about your current partner like that. And she said, you know, I'll come to you if I'm like seeking advice about a situation. But I don't behave like I did before. Yeah. And I think that like, I'll talk to somebody all day long if they're like, I'm struggling with this overarching theme in my relationship. But if it's just like, like, here's his fight, here's this fight, here's this thing he did. Then I'm like, well, I don't like

them. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It just, it grates on me. I'm human. Right. I mean, I think you have to reflect too. Is all you're doing having conflict and things you're upset about all the time with your partner and you're talking your friends about it? Like, this really might be a really unhealthy relationship or you both need to see some therapy or like whatever it may be. Because that's not really how it should be. Yeah. I think that like most of my girlfriends just share like my partner this annoying thing and it doesn't make me think anything about them like we were talking about our friends that are married but like the friends that are like this is bad this is bad this is bad I'm like you shouldn't be together if every conversation is a negative thing about this person

I don't even know that you're oversharing it's just you shouldn't be with this person you know anything nice to say about them yeah yeah I don't know it's it's taking some friendships away from me I know and I think it's just that thing of you know I just think we need to share these things like girlfriends help us survive. Like, we need to talk about this kind of stuff. But there is a line and you do have to kind of self-edit, like you said, and ask yourself, like, is this going to cause my friends to think about this person, like, differently? And then reflect on that, on if you want to really be with them. Yes. I totally agree. And I like prefacing something by saying, like, I do want to talk to you about this fight and it's not going to make him sound really good, but I do need to talk to somebody about

this. Like, I have had friends say that to me. And at least it's framed. And like, I know this isn't great. He knows this isn't great. Yeah. But I do want to discuss it. People are human. They're going to make mistakes, you know? But I feel like everything you've ever shared with me about Sparkle Eyes.

Like, you've never sent anything to me about him that made me not like him. Well, we haven't. We don't fight. I mean, I'm sure there's one on the horizon, but it's just, we're so. Could we communicate really well. It's even crazy for me. I'm like, this is the best. I think maybe in the very beginning of my relationship,

if there's a lot of like what's going on here. How do I suss out this situation kind of thing? Oh yeah. We did have a situation really early on that I was like, what the fuck? I use situation in like quotes. I mean, it's not even a, but like, no, it wasn't like. It was just like a confusing thing. Yeah.

And it didn't make me not like him. Yeah. You know? Well, you were talking me off the ledge a little bit. Like you were just like, I think this is what's happening here. Like, let's just sit tight. And I think it'll work itself out. I withhold judgment as long as possible because once I have started talking shit,

I can't put that back in the box. Yeah. Once I'm like, fuck him and he always does this. And I can't believe it's, I can't put that back of the box. Now you just know I hate your man. Right. Yeah. And sometimes you deserve it.

But I just, I do. I think as we get older, we just self-edit. Like what's a little fight we don't really need to share with somebody and embarrass our partners? And what's like a cry for help or reaching out for like real solid advice? Yeah. And this was kind of about friends today. But family goes in here too. And I mean, when it's bad, bad, I mean, I also want to say that like anything that feels abusive

or really toxic, like, that's, you need to share. You know, like, there's nothing worse than, like, someone who feels they can't share with their partner for lack of judgment. Like, you've got to get out of here. You know, you've got to talk to other people if you feel like something also is really not normal, you know, you really need other people to, like, weigh in on that. If you feel like you're in, like, a dangerous situation. But if it's not something in that arena, like, the parents got to be the final frontier

because they are the ones that really can't. Like, if you have, you know, your dad, yeah. And not every family is the same. But just, like, you know, I really. held back with Matt and my dad on this stuff. Yeah, they have no tolerance for it. And I get it. Like, I don't necessarily think that they should that. Who's going to be more protective of you than that? I think it's more the complaining to me of like, he didn't show up for me. He broke the plans with me. He's not consistent with me. It's like, yeah, I don't know. He doesn't. We have to complain

about this forever until the end of time. He doesn't like you that much. It's a bad relationship. Something that came up kind of quite a bit is cheating. I wish I hadn't told people that they cheated on me. Cheated on you. Not cheated before. Cheated on you? cheated on you. I guess it's a spectrum and Ashley and I definitely believe that it is black and white and it depends how the cheating occur and how far into the relationship are you? Is this your husband who had an affair? Or is this some guy that you've been out with for three months? I mean, it's very case by case basis to me. I would never tell anybody, don't tell somebody that some people cheat on you. And I think that a lot of the time you've drawn this line and you're like,

I'm not getting back together with them. Why wouldn't I tell everybody? But I don't know. It's just, it's really layered to me. I think people are saying I regret. I regret. telling people they cheated on me because you clearly got back together with them. And now everybody hates that person. Yeah. I don't know. It's like a case by case basis to me. I know. I think you have to like sit with it for a second. Uh-huh. You know, like what was the nature of the cheating? Like, do you see a world in which you stay together or you get back together? You know, like you may forgive them before everyone else around you does. You will forgive them before everybody around who does. I mean, you hope that your friends just ride with you like that. You know what I mean? It's just,

you're right. There is like such a spectrum. of that. You got to keep the circle close. This is not something I'm telling family or just everybody. Yeah, not the whole group chat. I'm like, I'm just telling you. You know what I mean? Like, I got to get out of my body. I'm hysterical. Exactly. Because I want to make that so clear. Like, you can't just hold this stuff in. You don't make yourself sick, you know. But if you're married, like, you have a whole community around this relationship. I just, I don't know, I just would filter who I tell this too. I'd keep the circle really small. Yeah. And I wouldn't make decisions after somebody cheats based on maybe we'll get back together. It's just like, I don't know that I want to like blast this in for

information around before I figure out how I feel about it. Exactly that. And like before we figure out how this moves forward or not, right. You know, like, yeah, like you're saying, the people who wrote that in, obviously they stayed together, they got back together. So, I mean, is this a world in which you kind of just like tell a therapist to start, you know, and then figure out how this is going to go? Everyone may look at them differently. Like, if you got to get out of your body, you got to tell someone, like Raina said, start slow. You know, are you married? And this was a one-night stand? And you're like, well, I'm not getting divorced. this, but you were so angry, you went and told everyone. It limits your ability to make decisions later. Yeah, you get a lot of people in your head. And this also goes to say that I'm sure plenty

people were cheated on and broke up, but that's fine too. We're just speaking of the people that obviously stayed together now they regret. I was listening, I think it was Ariana Maddox. It was either her or somebody talking about her that like when Tom Sandibald cheated on her, that she immediately told every single person she knew because she didn't want to allow him to talk her out of it. And I think there's like strength in that. If you're like, this person cheated on me, I know they will gaslight me into taking them back. Yeah. Yeah, then I'm telling everybody.

Yeah. But otherwise, I would just filter here you tell. I know. I think I told this before on the podcast, but it was probably years ago. I remember seeing this happen in real time. There was this couple. And I swear to got it ran out of the Cheesecake Factory. I was the Cheesecake Factory with a guy friend.

And I opened up my Facebook. This was back in like Facebook was hot days. And this woman had just written how her partner, who they were engaged, I think at the time had just cheated on her. And she found out she just exploded. on Facebook. And she was like, up until that point, just like a normal rational person. I think she just got a wild hair and wanted to like ruin his life in that moment. And like, you know, wanted his boss to see it. You know, she just like wanted to ruin his life. Like she felt like he had ruined hers. And they

did end up getting married. They got back together. And I mean, I just, I can't, no one can ever forget. Like it was everywhere. I mean, and it wasn't, she didn't, she didn't take it down immediately. Like her family was in the comments. You know, her mom was in the comments. Just like, and she, had tagged him. This is the best tea. And then they got back together. They got, I'm sure they broke up, but maybe, like, they got married, like, a year and half later.

Like, I can't remember they were engaged at the time. If they were, the wedding got put on pause. Whatever it was. It took a minute. But they did end up getting back together and getting married. And, like, I will never forget it. You cannot do that. What I would have given to be that one?

What would you would have given to be at the cheesecake factory when it was. I mean, on a normal day, what I would give to me at the cheesecake factory. I remember sitting at the bar at the Cheesecake Factory, like having a drink. What movie did we see that night? My girlfriend and I, like, saw some, it wasn't straight out of Compton. It was like something.

I forget we were like, let's go eat the Cheesecake Factory and go see this movie. And I was like, oh my God. I mean, we almost missed the movie because we were just reading those comments. If you're going to go that hard, if you're going to tell everybody, then you got to also be the kind of girl

that's going to be like, I don't care. I got back together with him. And I don't want your opinion. It's my decision. And if he cheats on me again, I'll deal with it. I'll put it on Facebook again and entertain all of you. Try me.

I just, I think that people do get back with cheaters all the time. And I think that they feel so much shame in it. And you just have to be able to say to yourself, all right, well, I told it everybody. So I'm going to have to go on a tour where I'm just like, I don't care about this. This is my problem. It's not yours. I do think you get one chance with your friends. And maybe you can get two with your close friends, three, you know.

But I think the real problem is when you really. gas up all your friends to hate this person. And then you got to go back and say, no, no, no, we made up, everything's fine. And then you go it again. And then you got to go back. And then you do it again. And then your friends are like,

I feel like a fucking idiot. Yeah. I hate this. I'm supposed to hate him or not. Like, I can't keep up. And you're making me feel stupid. Yes. Yes.

It's just, I don't like it. And I need you to apologize to me. Yeah. And I did it. I'm speaking from experience, you know, and it sucks. And luckily, I had wonderful friends who like understood that, you know, this relationship, the nature of it,

but we did love each other on some level. And like, thank God, you know, no one ever really cut me off, you know, but it was a mess. I think you just, you look at your own behavior. You know what you did, you know, and I think that you know what you did. I don't know. It's just a really tricky situation because I think most rational people know that they've overshared and they've made everybody around them hate this person, but you're like, but I want you to just like him. But I understand that you don't, but I'm mad at you for not liking them. And it's like, you know, anybody to be mad at about yourself. One is interesting that's on here. And this leads me into stuff that, like, should be kept private because it's about your partner. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

Like, I get it. Like, best friends share everything. You and I share everything. But there is a line there too is about your partner's family, you know, something like a dark family secret, like something like that. And like salary was on here, which I found to be interesting. Money came up a lot. Salary, even if it's a high one, like, I don't know. If you really just, just, aren't happy about your partner's salary. You don't think they make enough. I don't know that I'm telling people that. I don't know.

There's just some things. Like the number, like, I don't know. There's just some things that are sacred. And like, I always say, like, you and I share literally everything. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't share with you. Except for if the person I was really in love with shared some, like, really private stuff. Because I'm not gossiping with you about it.

And if it's not something that, like, scares me about being in a relationship with that person, like my last ex, he grew up in some very extreme trauma. And he told me it was fine that I share it with you. I think he shares it pretty publicly. But like that's not something I ever would have to share. It's somebody's family life. Yeah. And those seem like different things.

Obviously family life trauma is more personal. But salary also, I don't know. It's just that feels like you've really like crossed the line if you're telling people that. I don't know. I mean, like every situation is different. Like it said even if it's a lot, you know, like some people really don't want people to know how much they make. I'm kind of one of those people.

I don't want to try to broadcast it. Like I don't want to hear. I don't need people to know. Can I pick up the tab? No, I'm not trying to pick up the tab. But I just like, I don't know that if I had a partner and he knew that exact number, I want all his

fucking friends to know. You know what I mean? I wouldn't want anybody to know. Yeah. If I had a lot of debt or if I was bad with money, if I was like struggling with like credit card issues, I would like really feel of sense of betrayal if somebody shared that with their friends.

Like, I guess I could see a world in which somebody says to me that they are in a ton of debt and financial strife. and I say to you, like, how do you feel about that? Like, if I ask your advice. But, like, again, you're like my one person I talk to about that. I know, that's what I think that comes down to it too, because I can't stress enough how important it is to, like,

really be able to have people to speak to about stuff that is going on in your relationship. You can't just live in a box with your partner. That's really scary and dangerous and toxic, yeah. But I think it's like how many people know, you know, like some of the stuff is just only you will ever know it. It starts with you. It starts with us. It ends with us.

But it's just kind of like, I think we get all worked up. We tell a bunch of people, you know. Uh-huh. And then they tell people, there's a lot on this list, but one of them, he experimented with a guy when we were separated and, you know, things like that. It's just like, I don't know. That's a part of like which friends you could tell too. Some people are going to be more judgmental. Sharing somebody's like deepest, darkest parts of their sexuality, like I feel like it really crosses the line too to tell more than one person. Again, like I tell you and Melanie everything. Yes, of course we gossip and laugh at all stuff. But I'm mostly asking as a sounding board because I want advice. Sharing that somebody experimented with men, like, it's mean to me to tell people. Well, it depends on if they're open about it. My point is like, you know your friends that are going to be like, oh, what? No big deal. Who do I care? That sounds everybody. Or are you friends that would be like, oh my God, he's in the closet. Right. You know, they're clutching their pearls. And they're like, oh my God, you're with a gay man. And you're his beard. You know, like they can't understand it. And parents too on that too. Definitely.

You know, like, there's generational thing. Yeah. Like, no, that doesn't mean they're gay and and they're in the closet and on their beard. Like, that could be they're experimenting or they're bisexual or whatever, like you have some people that, like, don't believe that, unfortunately. I understand feeling like I told that to people and now I'm being judged. But if that was, like, a real secret for somebody. Oh, and you share it. Right. Yeah, exactly that, exactly.

That he cries easily. I think that's kind of cute. And again, that's your problem. He likes it up the butt with a vibrator. That sounds like a you guys problem. You know what it's funny, though? I just, again, this like comes down to the friends you tell it to because, like, I feel like if my man liked it up the butt with a vibrator and he

didn't want anyone to know. I don't know that I would tell you because I don't think you could not tell everybody. We own a viator company. I would text him right away. I feel like you couldn't hold back. I regret telling people that he has testicle issues that causes him to have a third ball. I'd be mad if you didn't tell me that. Yes, curved penis is on here. His past sex life. This is so funny that they choked me out until I passed out, haven't lived one down. That sounds pretty bad. Let me know what you think about this, that he has a nice dick. Now they want to bang him. You can't advertise too good. You got to keep him down a little bit. You can't let

your man. Listen, no one should know that they're good looking. If they start getting too fit, you got to get him fat again. This one, it says that I didn't vibe with his parents. I'm closer with them now, but it's stuck with my friends. Why does stick with your friends? You know what I I mean, unless the parents did something terrible, like your friends should let that go, unless there's something I'm missing. But, you know, if you were kind of like, didn't vibe with the parents at first, it just took a minute to like get close to them, why do your friends care about that? Unless the parents, again, insulted you or disrespected you. Otherwise, it's just like, no, we're cool now. And you guys need to understand that.

Okay. Here's when they came up. I forget how she worded it, but I'm curious what you think about it. She said basically, like, I regret telling my friends that my partner doesn't like our other friends. So, like, if I said to you, like, my man hates our friends, I feel like I'm judging him. I definitely don't want to hear that your man is like me. But, like, our friend group, then I'm like, which one's and why?

There's always that one friend. Yeah, like, I get it. Right, right, right. But, like, otherwise, you know that friend. Like, she's just, she's too loud. She's too extra. Like, you know, introduce your boyfriend. Too woes.

Yeah. And you're like, I get it. Okay. That's fair. But, like, I do see wanting to, like, put that in the box after you say that. Okay, what's the scenario? Sparkle-Eyes says to you, I like Raina, but I don't like

the other three girls or something. Yeah, if you told me that, I would be like, thank you very much, I appreciate that. I don't know, right now. I'm the favorite. I think you'd be like, yep, that's tracks. I'm the best one. Everyone else sucks.

You would love that too much. I would love being the favorite, but I am the favorite. I'm a great. I'm the best. Okay, this one I think might resonate with you. Okay. How stupid he actually was.

Ashley, I literally, when I was talking to my friend this morning on the phone, I was like, I was telling tells this too. There's things that I haven't shared because the thought is too mean. Like, I have seriously sat there and thought about my partner. Like, you are too stupid to be with me. If your partner is stupid, I know it. This is not a secret. We all know it. There was one girl that was in the Hamptons one summer when I was doing that summer share. Brilliant. Ivy League educated had this big bad out. job dumbest boyfriend I've ever dumbest person I've ever I couldn't believe it it was shocking to everybody it was insane it was crazy that is a really good point believe it that's a good point no one and I'm like I hope she didn't think it was a secret sis we know I really was for years that I was just like I think he's too stupid to be with me and I don't feel intellectually stimulated and I don't care about anything he says but I don't know if I can tell people but I mean it just depends. Like if you're like, listen, my man is stupid, but he fucks well. He shows up for me. He dicks me down. He's a good companion. I'm not judging. If you were asking my opinion,

I might say, do you feel like there's a world in which you just get bored and you're not challenged? And like, you know, I wouldn't run off to marry this person right away. I would just see how this plays out. You know, do you want someone that you can speak about certain things to? Do you feel like they don't get you? I mean, again, only if you were asking for my opinion. If you were telling me this. You know, I would probably share my opinion without being asked. But if you were like, no, I feel good. I feel challenged in these other areas of life. I feel intellectually stimulated here and there. And I just want him to be this like dumb fuck buddy of a husband, partner, whatever. Like, I'm like, then you do you. That's the funniest. Like, are you regret telling your friends

he's stupid? Number one, everyone knows. Everyone's guest that he is not exactly, he can go to Harvard. If he's my accountant, I want to know if he's actually secretly stupid. But otherwise, it doesn't affect me. It doesn't matter to me. Are you happy? Great. I don't care that he's stupid. Also, I've deduced that he's stupid. This is so funny. The first night he slept over, he was ripping ass all night. No, you're telling everybody and no one should judge. Everybody does that. Rips ass or shares? Or both. Both. Everybody rips ass. I mean, if a guy did that to me, I would hate it. Listen, here's the deal. If I ripped ass all night, I'm going to guess that some of my man's friends

have heard about it. I was taking a walk with this guy two days ago, three days ago. Do you get breakfast? And I heard him like walk, walk fart. You know, you try to like sneak out a fart while you're walking? I like heard it. It was so loud. And I haven't told you because I'm just so embarrassed to have been around it. It was so gross. You think it's going to slip out quiet and it was loud. Did he address it? He did not address it. And I just kept talking and we were outside so it wasn't like I'd smell it. But it was really. It was really. bad for me. Well, I can't stop thinking about it.

I do feel like Sparklides and I are getting to more of a comfortable place. Where he can fart? I haven't heard him fart, but he did tell me to walk ahead the other night. I like that he said that he didn't want me to be downwind. Okay. It's respectful. And listen, I'm telling you, you don't want to hear that. Okay?

I just like, I can't unhear the walk fart. Yeah, the walk fart. Oh my God, you can blame it on your shoe sometimes. Yeah. Okay. Well, I feel like we covered the ground. And again, I just think, like Raina said, a lot of the stuff is on a spectrum and you just have to really decide, but it comes down to before oversharing negative things, take a beat.

Yeah. But don't hold stuff in. That is endangering to you. That is keeping you up at night. That is making you sick. That you really feel like you have to get off your chest. Of course. Yeah.

If you're spiraling out of control, I mean, I know everybody can't afford therapy, but hot take, some of this could just be for therapy. I think sometimes people just bring their external, you know, advice in that it's not that helpful to you anymore. they're out of their league. So obviously therapy or this podcast can always help you. Yeah. But, you know, if you told all your friends at brunch that your man's dick is small, no one really cares.

No one cares. No one's talking about it. And honestly, what else? They're not going to try steal your man. Yeah. Honestly, you should be telling people. That your man's dick is small and then his bank account is small. That is so true.

It's a bigger mistake to tell that he has this most perfect dick and he can lay it down. I know everyone's thinking about it. You know what you're right. I know how big someone's dick is. Okay. So like the biggest dick I've, had. You think about it sometimes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All right. Well, there it is. We solved it. All right. This is fun. I hope you guys had a wonderful Cyber Monday. Vibre Monday. Vibre Monday.

Yes. Vibesonly.com is where you are shopping for that. Vibes only on Instagram and Girls Gottoeat.com. Check it out. Very few tickets left for the holiday shows, if any. We are Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina is ranj.grenberg. Subscribe on YouTube. share this episode with a friend and we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.