Girls Gotta Eat - How to Be Alone (and Even Enjoy It) with Author Lane Moore

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

We absolutely loved chatting with author/comedian/speaker Lane Moore about how to be alone (and actually enjoy it). We're discussing how childhood trauma affects relationship building throughout your life, how to enjoy your own company, self-talk for when you're alone, the benefits of being single, false narratives about marriage, making friends, and more. Before Lane joins us, we're discussing Rayna's breast reduction and Ashley's rescue mission. Enjoy! Follow Lane on Instagram @HelloLaneMoore and buy her book here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Blueland: Go to blueland.com/gge to get 20% off your first order. Single Drunk Female: Series premiere January 20 on Freeform, streaming on Hulu. Babbel: Go to babbel.com with code GGE to get 3 additional months when you purchase a 3-month subscription. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ashley and I hate this when we see people and it's like this manufactured confidence. It's like, you're a bad bitch and you don't have to deal with this. And it's like, no, I'm a sad bitch and I do have to deal with this. And I'm tired and I need more help than that. Back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Episode 203, we're counting again. It's so cold. The cold front.

It is really bad. Yeah, it's really bad. I took an Uber over here today and it was like three blocks. Azul's Zumi's are out of control because he just hasn't been to the park in so long. I know, I got into the car today and they pulled up where we were going. The driver looked at me like, are you sure?

I'm like a six-minute walk over here. I know. Okay. So as we always say, we were in Texas. I'm sure it was great. Thank you guys for coming out. Thank you guys. Thank you to all the cowboys that probably touched our boobies.

Okay. We'll talk about it next week. We'll give you a little recap. I know that one person literally doesn't care, but everybody else cares. So we're going to get that out of the way. And then, of course, we've tons of shows coming up at girlsugatiop Podcast.com. You guys get tickets all over the country.

Like Ashley and I mentioned, other than Toronto, this will be our last shows, everything you see on the website through the summer. So we are taking June, July, and August off of touring to have a life. Toronto's coming soon just to hear us out. It's coming. So tickets still left in Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Detroit, St. Louis, and, Indianapolis. Again, if you live near there, come to those shows. Detroit, don't let me down. A lot of tickets left. It's the film war. We love it. It's going to be great. If you came to Detroit

before, it's going to be better in that show. We promise. Don't just trust us. And all those other places, and where my Omaha girls out, shouted out Omaha last week. This one girl was like, I will literally walk around Omaha handing out flyers if you guys will come here. I was like, bitch, you're coming to Kansas City. Maybe we'll get a hotel block and we'll get like a discount, like a wedding. We'll do a party. Indianapolis, all my Indiana girls, I went to Indiana University, so please come. We can't wait to see you guys.

GirlsGotty Podcast.com for all tickets. Yes, maybe a few tickets left in D.C., probably just a handful maybe in like L.A. Not much left. So you'll see. Go to the website, see what's available. And we'll see you guys there.

And then, as you guys always know, merch is a journey. This is going to be the final. week for pretty much all the merch on our website currently. So everything is going to be on sale 20% or more off for the full week. But if you like any of the styles, they are all going away. So this is your last chance to get everything and then we'll have all new stuff in a few weeks. And we'll address. The journey. Yeah. We'll talk about the journey. We'll share our truth. Whole episode.

Merch is the journey. Just questions our number one episode. You're like, is there episodes? I guess it's about merchandise? I don't understand. It's about business operations. I don't get it. We are going to do more career stuff this year. I waited Ashley out. But check that out, GirlsGuttypodcast. Shop. And when you are done,

purchasing tickets for our shows and our merch, we always like to give you guys references of other really great shows. We have a huge audience in Chicago and one of our good friends, Chris Decefano, will be there March 12th at the Chicago Theater, our absolute favorite place.

So we can't recommend seeing him enough. We did his podcast this week. And so I was just thinking of him, top of mind. Yeah. Today we're recording on the day that it came out. It's really fun. we just talk about all kinds of stuff. He has a podcast called Chrissy Chaos.

Went all the way to Staten Island. I drove us, paid the toll. And it was great. And we just noticed that he has a bunch of tour dates coming up. A lot of the, a lot of crossover with us. So Atlanta, I think, is coming up on like February.

His Atlanta show is the night of our DC show. Oh, yeah. He's going to do the tabernacle. We have, we just adore him and had so much fun with him. And we hadn't seen him since before COVID. And so we met his baby and his baby mama. And it was great.

So get tickets. and especially those Chicago tickets because there's no better show than the Chicago Theater. Nothing better. I'll never live up with again. And the tabernacle. So yeah, that's it, guys. And any comedians that we have on our show will always direct you towards there. Yes, we have an incredible guest today. We just wrapped with her. Her name is Lane Moore. I am so excited about this episode. I think it's going to be a game changer. It's about being alone. But that sounds so dramatic and dark. But no, it's wonderful. And she's so wonderful and she's our new friend. We like left and we were like, do you want to be friends?

She texted me and said she wants to be friends with us, but in a show, why? She texted you? Oh, because you guys had to talk. She doesn't have my number. Yeah, that's why. No, no, it's not because she doesn't like Ashley too. It's funny because, like, I feel like Ashley and I meet people together,

and then they only make plans with us together for the end of time. People, like, don't ever text us separately. They're like, if you and Ashley are both in town, I'd love to hang. All of our friends are just friends. Okay, I have some updates and some things to share. Okay, so last week we talked about, I was trying to figure out if Azul and his Spanish colored name family. Azul, Verde, Rose, and Roja. That was the group he came from when he was

seized from an arrest. That's a street name. That's a street name. And I'll get to why I found out, but the shelter did name them that. So that wasn't their names. They were, like I said, seized from an arrest. And then they went into the shelter and that's what the, I talked to the woman that did it. And I'll tell you why. And I just wanted to share the story of what I did last Saturday was one of my favorite things that I've ever done, I took a trip down to South Carolina with a nonprofit organization called Pilots to the Rescue. And it's this guy named Michael Schneider. And he started this, he started as a nonprofit now. It's this full-time gig. But he has a small plane. It's like a six-seater, which I grew up on small planes. My dad is a four-seater. He's a Cessna. So I'm not scared of

them or anything. But he takes it down and he just rescues animals and brings them back up to New York, New Jersey and they get homes here because so many the shelters are overrun in the south and people up here want to adopt dogs. So we went down and I went down with the founder of Animal Lighthouse, which is the rescue Azul came from. Her name is Julie. We fled on there with him

and got dogs and cats from the same shelter Azul came from. So it was just, I couldn't have been a more special time and on the anniversary of the day Dewey died. I just can't even believe that I got asked to do this. I got asked to do this two days before Dr. Lisa texted me and I

think they bring influencers down to document the trip and promote the company and everything and just like, you know, have a good time. And especially if you're an animal lover. And I guess it sounds to me like someone couldn't go last minute. And Lisa was like, asked me if I want to go. I'm like, yes, I will drop everything. I got up at 5.30 in the morning. I didn't get home until 630 at night. And it was such an incredible experience. I just couldn't believe it was like January 8th. The day the Dewey passed, getting dogs from the shelter or Zul came from. I like couldn't believe it. I just, I wore my sweatshirt with a Dewey and Azul on it. I was just so corny. And we flew down there and we put in the back of this plane, 17 animals, eight dogs, nine cats.

And some of the dogs were not small. Like, I'm not, they were big 40, 50 pound dogs. Like, you don't see tell me, I can't imagine being on a plane that size with three animals. I couldn't believe we shove them all in there. Like, I was like, how is this going to work? Almost all in crates. The cats are just in these soft crates. We were just passing it back and forth.

I was like, can you hold this cat? Like, it was so nuts. Like, there was two cats in one carrier, Ben and Jerry. They're a bonded pair. sat on my lap. I could feel them like on my lap the whole time. I was like, Julie, can you hold this cat? Like it was insane. There was a Frenchie that wouldn't stop moving around. His crate was flipping. He was like just on like the suicide mission. Like we're like, okay, can you calm down? So I was like, can you hold this Frenchie? Like it was chaos. And we flew down there.

So many people came. I mean, we, this is a small town, South Carolina. Like, I think this was really exciting for them to come. And they have a great shelter down there called St. Francis Animal Center. They all came and I like pulled this woman aside. I'm like, I had talked to you about a zool. She's like, oh, we remember a zole. We'll never forget those teeth. And she was like, yes, we named them, like, the group. Like, I named them, like, these colors. Because we just got to have a theme to keep them together.

And I just realized this. A listener DM'd me about this because she saw my story. I was highlighting some of the dogs. Two of the dogs that we picked up, one was named Chloe and one was named North. And it never hit me that they could have done a Kardashians. What? feet. Like, is Courtney still at the shelter? Like, is Penelope at the shelter? Mason. Like, Mason. Do you think Rob's daughter got in there? No. Like, Kanye? Just yay. Like, I literally, in my head,

I'm like, North. I thought of literally thought of North, Kim's kid. And then a Lister, damn me, she was like, Chloe and North, is this a Kardashian theme? And I was like, maybe it is. Those are the only two that fit the bill for that. But I am dead if Courtney and Kim, are still back at the shelter. I'm so jealous this is somebody's job that they get to like pick the theme of the groups. Wait, what would be your thing? I might, um,

I might would definitely be snacks. It would be different chips. I think you'd go like mob family. Mob family. Maybe like, you know, famous serial killers. Tony Soprano. Maybe it would just be like, I want to be like Jeffrey Dahmer

and want to be like Ted Bundy. That's weird. Yeah, it's weird. No, but I like salty snacks. I told you I would do Cheetos and Tostitos and Fritos and burritos. I don't know. Um, yeah, I might pick, um, I might pick like a cuisine.

like with Heather McMahon, like we do all different pastas. I just see people for me. You love crime. You love reality TV. I just feel like you couldn't. My top is food though. Snacks. That's true.

Snacks. And that's why we call you guys snacks. That's actually and I love snacks. But it was just an incredible experience. If you guys are interested, you want to like donate. Of course, Animal Lighthouse. Those are where all these dogs will be available for adoption. If you're looking to adopt, they're with their fosters right now.

And then pilots to the rescue, check them out. He wants you to go with me. And I was like, I just don't think she's going to do it. It can't be in a small plane. I would be so terrified. I know. It's just, it's a lot of people who are scared of small planes. They're totally safe. Like, let's just say an engine blows out of a small plane. You have five miles to glide. You can find somewhere to land. Like, it's really like, you know, I think people hear things of like Kobe. And again, that was a helicopter. But they're safe. I grew up on my whole life. So, but I was, I told him like, I don't know if Frayna would be down. I think you'd just like hyperventilate. Yeah, I've gotten a lot better about flying since I met you. And you and I, like, travel so much. We always talk about like, what if I, like, refuse to fly. or travel, like what our business look like. But I've gotten a lot better since I've been with you and turbulence doesn't bother me anymore and I've researched a lot about planes

but something that size would be a little scary for me. Yeah. So he's looking to getting a bigger one, just, you know, donate to pilots to the rest you guys and you can make it happen. But I just, it was one of the best things I ever could have done on that day. And I just love it and when we retire

in three years, that's the plan. I want to get my pilot's license and do that. I want us to get a jet, but I want And you can fly the jet. I'm not flying a jet, but I want to get, I do, this is, my dad is a pilot. Like, I have a bunch of pilots in the family. Like, I want to get my pilots license one day. It's like one of my, like, pretty badass.

Plans for, you know, in my 40s. That'll be your resolution next year. You can do, like, an extensive, like, you have to do a much of hours, but he was telling me, the pilot was telling me you could, there's a few places, like one in Arizona, I think one in Florida where it's like a couple weeks, nonstop, extensive program if you have the time. That would be pretty bad ass. You did that. When I retire in three years.

That is the goal. To be retired and to get a GGEE Jet and then Ashley Flosset. Gigi Jet. Gigi Jet. Gigi Jet. So this is a big week for me. I'm getting a breast reduction tomorrow. I feel really, really emotional about it.

For like so long, this was just like this hypothetical thing and I just didn't expect to like feel this way. Because for years I've been saying I want it and I saw the surgeon and I went to the, of course, I've done everything you're supposed to do. I got a mammogram. I've gone to all the doctor's appointments. And I'm getting it tomorrow. And I just,

I feel more emotional about it than I thought I would. I've been like journaling about it and crying at night. And thinking like, is this something I really want to do to my body? And am I like ready to do this? And I'm in my mid-30s. It's not an emergency. I don't have to do it.

But it's something that I've like researched so extensively. It's something that I've wanted since I was 19. It's something I've thought about my whole life. And I picked the right doctor, it's the right time. And, you know, I was thinking about backing out. And you said to me, the test that we always give ourselves for everything, you said, do you feel like a huge relief if you think about not doing it? And I don't.

So that's how you and I try to judge stuff. Like you and I are always like, if the answer is yes to that, we don't do it. And, you know, I've just been thinking a lot about like what having boobs this pain has meant to me my whole life. And I've talked about a lot on this show, so I don't want to be like super redundant with you guys. But, you know, being such a small person was such. large breasts and having puberty, hitting puberty at such a young age, being so overly sexualized at such a young age. It frightened me. I wasn't ready for it. And I learned how to

harness that sexuality. And that's probably why I'm so sexual. And I just, I became over-sexualized at such a young age. And it's, it's like this giant person out, these giant boobs are like a giant part of my personality. And I feel like I'm like cutting some huge part of myself off. And maybe not everybody thinks about that in terms of like a breast reduction, but it's just, it's been such a big part of my life having boobs this big and being so small and the type of attention I get for it. And I feel like ultimately I'm just,

I'm done looking like this. I don't want to look like this anymore. So that's why I'm doing it. I don't have terrible back problems or anything like that. But it's just, it's been a lot of like soul searching more so than I ever thought it was going to be. And, you know, I'm slicing my whole body open.

And I was going through like all my nudes. Yeah. I really like my body and I've always been really proud of it, but I'm sort of done with it. And I'm ready for this. But I'm scared and I don't know like who I am without these huge boobs. I've always been like that girl with the huge tits. I mean, that was my feeling. And that was like we've had so many deep talks about this at this point.

And I just am like if you feel like this is a part of your identity that you love, me maybe having a big nose is part of my identity. Didn't love that. Can't stress it enough. You know, like I learned to love it. But I didn't. wanted to look different. And, you know, I was like, you have to ask yourself all these questions, truly. Like, do you like this is a defining characteristic of you? You know, like, I have the legs.

You have the tits. Like, is this like a thing that you aren't going to like that you aren't known for anymore. And I mean, you are worried about the scars. Like, you just, let's forget about the scars for a minute. Like, do you, you know, so few people are going to see those? No one's going to care. Like, do you want to have smaller breasts? Is that what you want your, your, not that women are defined by their bodies or their breasts, but I have been defined by it. You have been. And Is it good or is it bad? Are you going to feel like less of yourself without them? And I mean, yeah, the ultimate thing, I was like, put your, visualize yourself canceling the surgery or saying, let's do it later. Do you feel like a wave of relief? And had you said yes to that question, it would have been like, let's fine. Who cares? Do it.

Like, cancel it. Who cares what money you put down? It's money. We'll figure it out. You'll get it back. You'll postpone it. And you just said you didn't feel like that. So it seems like it's something that you really want. I mean, you just don't have to if you don't want to. I know, and I thought about that too, because I've been talking about on the show for so long. Like, what would that look like if I had to tell everybody I backed out of surgery? And it's like, you can back out of anything. This is a huge decision. I don't feel like I owe it to anybody to do anything. It's certainly to my body that I'm not comfortable with.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm scared. I don't like know who I am without this. And, you know, having big boobs is not necessarily everybody's defining characters, but it has been mine. And it affected how girls treated me growing up. It absolutely affected how men treated me. I don't, like, know who I am without it. and I am excited to see who I am without it.

It's just, I don't have to, like, lead with my body so much. And our friends have been really wonderful, too, especially our male friends. Francis and I had, like, a long, Francis Ellis and I had, like, a long talk about it. And he was so wonderful. And he was just like, how long have you thought about this for? And I was like, since I was 19, he was like, Frana, you've thought about it. You've made the decision. You've thought about this for years.

You did the research. You picked the right doctor. Like, you've done it. You're ready. And I feel like our male friends have been so wonderful about this, just saying, like, no one cares about the scars. It's not a big deal. You just have to like make peace with it if that's why you want to look. Yeah. And that's how I want to look. So yeah. Women who have huge breasts are all different. All women are different regardless. But I'm saying like some just hide them forever. You don't, they don't want their, they wear bigger clothes. You know, they just don't want it. You know, they're so happy to get rid of them. And you just aren't like that. You like will highlight them and accentuate them. And so it's just like there's some people that it's like, it felt like, so much more of a no-brainer of like, you don't like these, you know, but you, you did, you know?

Yeah. So it's, it's been like a real battle more for you than me. But, I mean, we've just been talking about it. Yeah. And I appreciate that I have friends I can talk to about this. And it wasn't always like that. I wore baggy clothes. I slouched.

I took diet pills when I was growing up because I just wanted to like look like the other girls. I just wanted to lose weight until I looked like the other girls. I was 12 years old taking diet pills. It was crazy. And yeah, I learned how to harness it and make it a part of my life. And I love accentuating and I love being sexy. I'm also getting a C cup.

I'm not going to. go down to like a really small cup. But I'm excited and I'm ready and I feel like I picked a good doctor, I hope and I have support around me and I have people to pick me up and I just, I feel like I'm ready. So, um, tomorrow I will go in for surgery. Tomorrow, as of like, if you guys are listening

on Monday, you know, not tomorrow in real time. Yeah. And I'll see you guys on the other side of it. I, you know what's so funny because we were talking about what size you want to get. And like for, you know, I know a lot about bra cup sizes. I've written blogs on it. I've gotten size from like the pros, like the whisper in Atlanta, whatever. And it's like, see, the cup doesn't matter. Like, you know, you try

in like French lingerie, like a D here, it's like a K for them. Like a lot of women can wear an A, all the way up to a C. I could shove my tithies in an A. All my bras are 34 C's. That's just what that's what they are. That's what I always will buy sight unseen. If I've, if I'm going with a new brand, I can also fit in a 36B. Like I can, you know, again, like it's just, it's what I've been sized for. It's the size that I wear. I don't think of my breasts as large at all. They're not, by the way. But I still have like childhood PTSD from being so flat chested and being like crying because I just was so flat and like girls that had breasts. Like everyone had breasts before me. And I felt like boys didn't like me and didn't like me for other reasons too. But like,

um, you know, my face. But like I just feel like I wasn't. I was upset. You know, I was just like, what if I look like this forever? You know, my mom has like same size breasts as me. I was like, I just hope at least I can look like her. Like at least have something. Because I was like just like just flat as a board for like a really long time. And like I would be at basketball camp and like padding my sports bra because I was that embarrassed. Like I wouldn't want to change in gym. Like nobody cares.

Like, but you're a kid. You think it's the end of the world to look different than other people on the exact opposite spectrum of you. And it's so funny to hear you be like, I just, I love your breast the size of your breast. And in my head, I'm still this like flat chested kid where I sometimes have to be like, they are nice. Like for you to ever even say that. I was like, Raina.

Like I still in my head when you said that, you were like, your breasts look great. Like, you know, maybe. you'd want him a little larger, but like, I like your size. I'm like, what breast? Because in my head, I'm still like a flat chest or little girl. Like it's so weird how it like travels with us forever. And I do have to sometimes like look at myself naked in the mirror and be like, these are nice. Because I just don't think of them like that. I never like lose that image because it was, it felt so traumatic in the moment. And of course, this is not to say that smaller breast or a flatter chest is undesirable at all. I think it's like a beautiful look. Of course, I am on the smaller side too.

but my point is just that's kind of how you feel when you're growing up and throughout puberty and how it kind of stays with you. So like I just have to tell you how flattering it was for me, for you, like queen of like tidies, giant tithes, perfect, you know, like cleavage, everything to even compliment me. I was like, wait, really? I think they're great size. I've never been able to go out without a bra. I would love to have my nipples out. I would love to just like beam my nipples through my shirt. Also, do whatever you fucking want. If you F-Side, K-sized boobs, do whatever you want. For me, it's been a little uncomfortable. I'd like to wear stuff that's a little more. The first thing I'm going to buy is a triangle bikini top with no

underwire. What a dream. I could never imagine such a thing. I'm going to buy like a shirt that like the V is down my sternum. I've never been able to like show off my chest. Yeah. It is crazy for me. I'm like, I don't know who I am on the other side of this. And I was going through all my news and I'm like, God, your titties are so nice. Like, am I sure I want to do this? They're the perfect shape. I love my nipples. But like, yeah, I'm ready for this to not be the biggest physically, like the biggest literally

and figuratively characteristic about me. What if I got implants? And I get like your size, this size? What if I get smaller boobs? And I'm like, Ashley, I changed my mind and then we both get implants. I can say with a certain deal, I'll never get implants. I love the size of my boobs. This is

no shade. But like, I love to wear a bra. Like my nipples are out all the time. But I will tell you, one time I saw this woman walking down the street with like a same type of free people tank top I would wear. No bra and just larger breasts. Like still perky. I was like, that is the sexiest thing. They were just bouncing. I was like, God, damn it. Like, but that's not necessarily what implants would look like. Like she was natural. I was like, God, that's so hot. I love big jibbler kids. Like she's probably getting maybe a lot of unwanted attention for me. I was just like, God, what if mine just like bounced. It's sexy. Plus we all want, we can't have, I guess. Yeah, like, that's the only

day. I would go, they just had a little more bounce. Like, they just don't. They just, mine are sloppy. They're like jiggly and sloppy and it's nice. I mean, the reality is I'm going to have to do this someday. Not everybody has to. Grow old with your tinives. Do whatever you want. But, you know, as you get older, the skin becomes less elastic. You can't fight gravity. Gravity always wins. So, I mean, they look great now, but I don't know what they're going to look like in a few years. So I'm ready to do it. And I'm going to do it. And I, that doesn't I mean, I'm not crying every single night and writing about it. And I almost called my ex last night to be like, you're the last person that saw these.

What do you think about this? It was the closest I've ever come to calling him. Listen, you keep saying that, but we're heading to Austin this weekend. Someone's probably going to see my titty. Like, someone's going to see your tith. Like, you just don't know, Raina. You need to think more positively that one more person is going to touch these titty. I want somebody to touch these titties.

Also, hear me out. We go back to Australia. Okay. We go to that bathing suit store where we had a fight. And we get your first triangle top. Yo, I was, I'm pulling up a photo. Did you say yo? Yo.

Has she ever said that? Bella looked up. I saw a photo from that being, there's the biggest boobs I've ever seen my life. I saw that photo and I was like, I'm ready to not look like this anymore. Raina, we talked to this before, but Raina and Merrill and I all tried on the exact same

sexy one piece that had cutouts and we all were quiet while we all sent photos to the guys we were seeing or talking to. Not me. I said it to Dylan. Meryl and I were dating people. But the way we looked so different in them, the three of us, Meryl, small, a medium, you're large.

Like it was literally like small, medium, large. It was the craziest thing. We all look so different. I can't wait to wear that bathing suit. I was thinking about that because I took it out last night. No one has more nudes than me. I have hundreds and hundreds of nudes. So I will commemorate those.

Maybe with a video on Instagram. We'll see. But that's it. So thank you guys for all your support. encouragement. You don't have to DM me. I'm already getting the surgery. But everybody that's reached out and said this is the best decision I ever made. I appreciate that. And thank you guys for your support. And I love you all. And I'll be all fucked up all week in bed. So maybe I'll respond to a DM. Probably not. Okay. Quickly, you have one rack. I have one rack. It is

Hype House on Netflix. It is the show about TikTokers, which I know nothing about because I'm not 19. Excuse me. Tick-Tock is not just for teenagers. No, all those kids are 19 on the show. I thought you were saying, like, I don't understand TikTok. No, I'm in TikTok. I'm in these TikTok streets. I don't know all these kids, but I want Ashley to watch it so that we can do like a deep dive and Bella's watching it as well. But I will say it's hard to watch it. It's really sad to me. Like I think a lot of people see this like level of fame and money and that feels so unattainable and people like strive for this their whole lives.

And this show is the other side of that. It's all the people that have attained this fame and this money and they are miserable. It's just, it's a constant content factory. None of them are happy filming their lives constantly. Feeling that they're going to be canceled every five seconds, you know, it's upsetting. These kids are like 19.

They're just like lonely. They're harassed on the internet. They just don't seem that happy. And all of their relationships feel very transactional. So it's a picture of like what you got all these people that like want this extreme wealth and money. You get it. It like doesn't make you happy. So it just, you know, it makes you think about the fact that like that's not all there is to life and it's all fake.

Yeah. And it's in line with the book that I'm reading. I don't need to plug it again, but it's I'm deeper in it and I'm like loving it. It got pretty dark. The book called Influence that I'm reading can't recommend enough. It's exactly in line with that. Just like famous teenagers and, you know, what is going on in the inside. That's not to say that all famous teenagers are sad on the inside.

It's not all dark, but they certainly grew up differently than we did. And I would not be the person I am today if I grew up with social media. I think about all the time. I just, I was too, I cared too much what people thought. I just, it would have fucked me up so much to see my friends, like people doing stuff without me and feeling excluded. And I just think I wouldn't have become like a confident, secure person in life if we grew up that way.

So I feel for these kids all the time. And then you just want it, you want that so bad. badly. And yeah, you're right. You get it. And you're like, okay. And then what do you aspire to? I mean, I could talk about this forever. We all know that. We all know all I care about is teenagers and social media. But I think it's an interesting social experiment. And one of the kids in it says, you know, what am I supposed to tell people that I'm a millionaire and I'm crazy famous and I'm still miserable. I'm still depressed. Nobody wants to hear that. Right. Right. Right. Right. It's an interesting, honest picture of that. If you liked the show about the DeMilios,

like it. I mean, I put like in quotes because it is so sad and so dark. Yeah, they all sit around and talk about how they all have anxiety. They have to be in therapy. They're getting bullied. They're sad. Like, there's not a lot of happy, genuine, genuine, happy moments. Yeah. Ashley, we'll watch it and then we'll talk about it.

Put a hype house on Netflix. Really interesting watch. All right, guys, we have a very exciting guest in the studio with us today. She is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. Her first book, How to Be Alone, If You Want to, and even if you don't, became a number one bestseller and was praised as one of the best books of the year by the New York Times, New York MAG, NPR, so many more.

She also has a TEDx talk based on the book called How to Be Alone. Her second book, You Will Find Your People, will be released next year. We are so excited to have her here. Please welcome to the show, Lane Moore. Hi, thank you. It's going to be here surrounded by boobs. Booms and glitter. Yes.

You are actually our last recording before I get my boobs removed. Really? Removed. Raina. You're not getting in a messessing. Oh, okay. I mean, I think it's okay to call it that. I actually had a woman once.

I feel like I'll deeply appreciate this. I started like people would like hire me to write them like original songs or whatever. And someone was like, my friend is getting her a breast reduction. Will you write her like a goodbye song to her boobs? And I was like I would love to. And I wrote her like a breast reduction theme song. Wait. So I feel like I will need to send you that later.

Is it on Spotify? No, but I feel like it should be. And it was like, it's like to the tune of, she said she really, like, I like to find out things about people, but she said she really loved Josie and the Pussycat soundtrack. And I was like, great. So I did it to the tune of three small words. And it was just like, till your big booze will come on done. It was like something like that. And these four bra sizes will still be gone. Oh, like it's so good. So we can finally have some fun. Yeah, it was good. I was going to surprise you with this. I am going to surprise you this. But we do have. a song in the can for this weekend to my boobs. Okay. We have an original. I'll set at Tulane so you can hear it.

Well, I guess do a collab album. A collab album. A collab. People are gonna be getting breast reductions just to be able to listen to the album. They're like, I want it to relate. I want to relate. You're so emo. You're like, I just want to relate.

My small breasts. I'm like, can you come down to a double A? I just want to listen to the album. Well, I was just going to ask you, when Raina. when Raina said musician well when she said musician what do you play instruments or are you a singer or both songwriter obviously

yeah I'm in a band called it was romance and I'm like the front person and I play like 20 instruments and do all the things yeah you're so cool I don't know that we've ever had someone in the studio that is a music like in a band I know seriously like it's just a bunch of comedians and therapists

you're like in a band I'm all of those I'm all three I'm all three my therapist is literally told me, she's like, you have an honorary degree. Like, you know more than most people. And I was like, thank you. Also, sad. Guys, this is what you can accomplish when you're single. See? It's insane. I've got so much done.

Well, also, the stuff, the way that you speak, and I had such a wonderful conversation with you yesterday before, ahead of the recording, the way that you speak about being single, being alone, accepting, like, being in your own company. I was like, am I not with a therapist? Like, you're very, you guys will see when you listen to the episode right now.

You're very eloquent the way that you speak about these things. I was like typing away furiously while you were talking. I actually and I talk so much about like being single and not that it's like your dream to be single, but like building this life that you're so proud of. And so the way that you speak about it is so eloquent. I was like, oh, she's also a therapist. Okay. Yeah. Well, it's really funny because I, and I know I'm not alone in this. Like my, well, maybe some parts of this I'm alone in this. But the main thing I was going to say was I didn't have like really great luck with a lot of therapists. I had like really poor experiences. And I was like,

oh, these people don't seem to understand this. So ever since I was a kid, I was really interested in psychology and sociology and why people make the decisions that they make and trying to understand myself and others. So I really do feel like, obviously like I'm not credentialed whatever, you know, but I'm like a self-taught therapist.

And I hear from so many therapists who will give my book and send my TikToks and stuff to their like patients and so many people who are like, I gave my therapist your book. So there's something happening there. I just need to get it to where people will pay me that hour. greatly great. Well, after this, maybe they will. I think you could just, you could do it,

but you just have to write a disclaimer. But we find that to be our greatest compliment when people say, my therapist recommended your podcast. We're like, yeah, it's so flattering. Exactly. And you know that you're not, like, whatever. I'm not trying to like, you know, meet someone in a back alley and be like, I'm kind of, I'll kind of do it, you know, but at the same time, you know, I know that there's, I think what it is, and I'm sure this is the case for, for y'all's, well is that like it's like the lived experience combined with that knowledge like there's something about that where I think it's more powerful than somebody who's like read a bunch of books about that like I've literally lived it and had to navigate it myself so yeah it makes sense that you could

well and therapists really I guess really aren't supposed to tell you what to do you know so I know so I know ones that are more direct which is what I would need to to go to but yeah there's just so much of like you really can't you're you kind of have to tow that line I'm sure sometimes therapist are like screaming on the inside like I just want to tell them what to do but they can't yeah I don't know in terms of like real therapists I do know that whenever I give people advice I couch it in so many different things because I find a lot of the like mainstream advice out there really boring only because it's really like it's just like overly simplified it's just like just do this girl that's all I mean I cannot actually and I hate this when we see people it's like this

manufactured confidence. It's like, you're a bad bitch, and you don't have to deal with this. And it's like, no, I'm a sad bitch, and I do have to deal with this. And I'm tired. And I need more help than that. Everybody's experiences are so different. Everybody has like a different financial background, educational background. Some people want kids. They have to make decisions based on that. I don't. So it's everybody's life experience is different. I see these girls in Instagram. They're like, you're a bad bitch. Get out there. Work. You don't need him. Leave his ass. And I'm just like, maybe you need his ass. I don't know. It's just not, and like so much of it is not trauma-informed.

Like all of my work is trauma-informed. And like, like, I see a lot of, especially like when it comes to sex and stuff. And like so much of the work that I do is sex and relationships where people are just like, you know what? You just tell them what you want. And you don't like take shit from anyone. And I'm like, some of us have been traumatized, Angela. Like what?

There's, they don't take like, yeah, trauma. There's no nuance. Like it's just, and it sells. And I'm like, I don't know why. It's not helping him. It's like Tony Robbins, Rachel Hollis. it's very like sweeping generalizations, not taking into account people's personal life experience. And it feels, it feels inauthentic to me to not acknowledge that like almost no one can do that.

And also especially like, we've literally socialized women in a complete opposite way. So suddenly telling women like walk in a totally different way, you got this girl. Like no, they don't. No one knows how to walk backwards easily. Like it just. Well, saying like you have as many hours in the day as Beyonce, it's like, what? Yeah. Like how do you even compare?

We have assistants. The average person to feel. How did we get there? Statements like that are crazy to me. So don't make, don't let people like make you feel crazy. Like I see all these like one advice fits all type of advice. Yes, that's what it is.

And it's just like none of us are the same. I had a very different life experience than everybody. My mom's a therapist. I grew up in a therapy forward. She's also, she didn't hug me a lot, but pretty sex, pretty sex positive environment.

So it led, but Ashley and I try to. She encouraged other people to hug you. She did. My dad hug me in my hands. She's like, someone else can touch you. you. I want that for you. Not from me. She was like, why didn't you ask me to fly up and help you

after your rest reduction? I was like, oh, no, no, that won't be necessary. That's okay. We didn't do that. But anyways, yeah, let's talk about the inspiration for the book. Yeah, I mean, honestly, that was a beautiful transition. If you, I don't know if you know that it was, but it really was because- We love a transition. Well, because one of the biggest inspirations for how to be alone was, you know, and not to put words in your mouth, but I just heard some stuff you said, and I'm taking a leap. was not having the family that you're supposed to have. There's this idea of this like picture perfect family

that everybody has and everybody always feel so, so, so loved and like so, so good and everything's just like perfect, perfect, perfect. And like, even though like, you know, your parents might be great. Again, seriously not trying to put words in your mouth. But most people don't have them. Most people have like sticky, messy, complicated relationships with their families. And I grew up on my own. I didn't really have any, I had a more extreme version of that.

but nonetheless, like I hear from people all the time, and I love that we're talking about this more. Like, yeah, this was kind of weird with this parent. And like, so I love hearing that. So basically the beginnings of it where I want to talk about what it's like when you don't really have this like solid perfect family you're told you're supposed to have. And then you go to school and you're trying to make friends.

And that doesn't really work because you don't have this solid perfect family everyone's supposed to have. And then you're trying to like find a romantic relationship. But that's really hard. Just how like all this stuff connects. and makes it so much harder for you to have beautiful relationships with people because your foundation was not great, but also like how I've been able to navigate that because it's not a death sentence. Like being alone and not having the support systems that we were all promised is not a death sentence.

Absolutely not. And that's so important for people to think about. You can't, if your foundation isn't stable and you're constantly in survival mode, How are you supposed to make friends? Bees, you know, find a partner, do all these things. Well, to be fair, you have as many hours in the day as Beyonce. So, you know, work it out, girls. Work it out. You're a bad big. I can't stop.

You got this girl. Clean your face, girl, or whatever. I say to my friends, I've said this to, like, a couple friends who have said to me, like, I'm worried I'll never find a partner. I'm worried I won't find anybody better than what I have now. And I've had to say to girlfriend's like, why do you think it's a fate worse than death to not be with a romantic partner. There's a million other things you can do with your life.

But like some of your relationships that you are in, not the people I'm talking to, but my friends I've specifically spoken to, I think your relationship is a fate that is like death. I'd rather be alone than be in your relationship. But people, I mean, if you have a lot of trauma, you're searching for a partner because you didn't have the support. You might be searching for your dad, you know, like unconsciously, but subconsciously. But can we just go back to that?

Like, I just wanted to hear you keep talking. unlike what did you do? You know, how did you, did you come to this realization later in life? Or I just would love to hear more about your journey. Which realization? With this, I grew up with this not perfect family. It hindered me to maybe make other relationships and to get to kind of where you are now. Yeah, I always, I always knew.

I mean, I think it's been like an unraveling of like, I knew it was like really fraught, but I did not know how much. and it's just been this constant like, oh, I was really bad. That was really bad. You know, all these things that happened. But I always knew I was alone. Like I knew that on like a core level of like, oh, I'm going to like kind of be on my own in this. And I think so many kids who survived like really difficult childhoods know that feeling.

And I only know that. Because what's funny is like when I wrote the book, I was like, oh, there's a chance that I'm going to put this book out. And people are going to be like, who is this like weird, lonely bitch? No one feels like that. like bye like there was a genuine part of me that was like what if no I just had never seen anybody talk about this ever like every single TV show you watch every single book you read it's like I came from a great family but life was still hard and like you know like I just fine or whatever but it's very hard when you when you had a really rough start in the world that someone be like

I have the best boyfriend in the world and like I'm you know all my friends are so wonderful and I get paid like $80 million a year and my child was wonderful, but like, I still have problems. I still struggled. Well, you, my, it's tough. My best friend said to me once, I'll never forget it. Like, I did actually have a great family upbringing, but she said you got a head start in life. Right. That's all it is. And I'm, I will very much recognize it. And you do. You start. You have a head start. That's all. And it's like, and I think that's what it is. It's like, I'm not like, resentful or whatever, but it's just, there was just a need in me. and I think to so many other people for that to be acknowledged,

because we talk about that, like, that's everyone's baseline, when it's not. And I just think that was something that was so much of the book and so much of what I realized in my life, which was like, oh, this person is, like, ahead of me or has an easier time than me because they had a great start. Like, they literally were, like, sent off with, like, the best, you know, metaphorically and maybe literally, but, like, with the best shoes,

with the best supplements. Like, of course they were able to run. farther faster. Of course they were. And I was like, you know, someone chopped off both my legs and like, you know, punched me in the face and gave me like flaming hot Cheetos and was like, can you run 18 miles? And I'm like, I'll try. Why can't I do? I have as many hours the day as we have. I'm never going to stop. I'm never going to stop referencing this. You said something to me yesterday and it was so eloquently said, which is that we are socialized from birth, especially women to think that it is like a fate worse than death to be alone. Whether it's without a romantic

partner, without friends, we aren't socialized from birth to learn how to enjoy our own company, travel alone, sit at a restaurant, and things like that. I thought that was so eloquently said that we are told from a very young age, find somebody, have a plus one, do not walk into a room alone. We are telling people it's like okay to live without that. Well, we're telling men that, but we're not telling women that. You cracked yourself quickly yesterday. You said, we tell people, I mean women. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like Bachelor or like Spinster.

Like I think we're coming away from it. Like I've rewatched the Sex and the City pilot recently. And it's like, it was. It was like a fate worse than death. Even though they were the best ones to do it in that time, it was still very much like, she can't find a partner. You know, I don't know.

Well, you think about like you go to a restaurant, you see like a man sitting alone and it's so sexy and confident. You see a woman sitting alone and people are like, oh. And I think it's so sexy when anybody can do it. Well, that's what I'm saying. I don't understand, like, and so I think that was the interesting thing is like I was coming from such an extreme of like, there was no option for me. So whenever, you know, whenever people are like, oh my God, how do you do it? And I'm like, I didn't really, I didn't really have another choice. Like, I had to learn how to develop these skills. I had to learn how to develop this because a lot of people did not feel and a lot of times like weren't safe for me. Like I just, it took me a long time to find that. So if that's hard, like, you're going to. going to do one or two things. You're going to like sit inside all the time or you're going to think like, I don't know, I guess I'll go to the movie alone. I don't know. I guess I'll go to

dinner alone. And like, what's funny is I didn't necessarily know the weight of the stigma around it when I would like, you know, tell people like, oh yeah, I'm going to go and like travel by myself. And they were like, you what? I've always wanted to do that. I could like it was like climbing Everest was like me, you know, taking a trip out of town for two days. But I take a solo trip in How to Be Alone. And the things people said to me, when I was like, oh no, I'm here by myself. And it was like, you're going to die. Like, you're going to die so much.

No, but just like you're going to die on this trip. Like, something's going to happen to you. Like, this is going to be awful. But yeah, we really do specifically to women, we make this idea that like, oh, you better like find a husband. Like, even though like all these things are so antiquated, they're not relevant anymore. Like, to like, you better find a husband. Like, we only did that because we weren't letting women work.

Right. Like, you better find a husband was because, like, you'll starve and die because you have no other way to make income because you don't have, 100%. And your only purpose in life is to make children and manufacture babies. You can't do that without a husband because you also just pay for those things. Yes. It doesn't exist anymore. It's all capitalism.

I just, I don't. Well, and just we were actually on a podcast with Chris DeStefano recently just kind of talking about we are still rooted in these old things that don't even apply anymore. You would, your dad would give you away your wedding because there was like land in exchange. Yeah.

And he was like, here you go. I'll take that land now. Like, who gives this woman to this man? What? I could never say that to me. Also, why did my dad own me first?

And now my husband will. Like, it's just all. Yeah. So if people, I just, I, my favorite kind of people are the people that take a step back and realize, like, it doesn't apply anymore. Well, and that's the thing. And especially, like, if you're not seeing, like, I know it now because the book is out and, like, I hear from so many people and it started all these conversations.

But when I was writing it, I was like, is this stuff okay to say? Because I see this very clearly. This is very clear to me that, like, this is what we've told people. this is why we've told them. And like, I have to unlearn a lot of this stuff, but I hadn't really seen people talk about it, hadn't really seen people phrase it in a way that cracked that open for me. But literally by having those conversations, like, I think that's the only way it changes.

Uh-huh. And you said something that, like, really spoke to me. You were like, it's not my dream to be single. It's not my dream life, but I'm here. So let's make something good out of it. Yeah. So it's like, so the reason that I, like, made that. a title, how to be alone if you want to, and even if you don't, because the way I see it is, like,

there's two types people who feel alone or who are single, whatever. There's people who, like, want to because they're just like, you know what, screw dating. It's been really hard for me. Screw getting close to people. That's been really painful. I don't want to do it anymore. And then there's people who are like, you know what? I would love to date, but I am not attracting very good people. I would love to get close to people, but the ones that I've found have not been good. So I think there's two parts of this. And we have this idea of like, oh, no, you're going to be alone. but some people have made that choice as like an act of self-care. And also there's some people who like really don't want to be.

Like I'm a like I'm a super hopeless romantic like very much like love, love. But I'm not going to like I firmly believe like finding somebody is luck and timing. It has nothing to do with anything else. That's it. There is no like, I don't know. I just get really frustrated anytime someone's like, I deserve to this. I'm like, everyone does. Yeah.

Everyone does. Right. And it's people making an active choice. I just this long conversation with this guy. He went through all this therapy and self-reflection on like and finally realized that you have to just pick somebody. You know, somebody that you like, but you have to decide to invest in them and commit to them. Like it's a just active decision. Like people, that's not sexy to talk about. It's supposed to be the fairy tale. Your soul made, the universe brought you together. Like it's actually somebody deciding I'm going to be with you. And most importantly, it's both people deciding. Both people.

I mean, I know that's what you meant. But the only reason that I say that is because so many of us, myself included, have been like, I'm going to put in the work. And I've decided. And it's like, yeah, but the other person's lazy as fun. Yes, exactly. Okay. So I like this notion of putting in the work.

And I've been like thinking about this for a while. All these people that are like, I'm single and I want to put in the work. I'm going to go to there and address all my issues. How many people do we know that never did any work on themselves have been in long-term relationships. They just picked a person. That person picked them back. Like, there's nothing so wrong and broken about you. Plenty of really broken people are in long-term relationships. And it doesn't mean that they're so whole and fixed and their lives are so great. Right. I'd love to talk more about the how to be alone. Yeah. I mean, so there's, there's a lot of different things that I did, but I think

so much of it was like reducing that part of me that felt like, I don't know, like, I don't know. Like just me was like a consolation prize or something. Like if it was just me and it's like, oh, actually though, no, I'm like really cool and fun and I have so much fun hanging out with myself. Like I have a good time. I watch stuff I like. I eat food I like. I tell myself silly jokes that I laugh at. Like once I realized like, oh, I really like myself.

And, you know, talking wrong, like that's a whole process. And I don't like when people talk about that like it's easy. It's not. especially if you have any kind of trauma at all. Yeah, just really starting to see myself as like, oh, okay, like, I'm going to be with me for the rest of my life. So if I'm just like constantly resenting that, like that's, how is that helpful to me? It's not. Why do you think, I'm just curious, you know, in your soul searching and therapy you've done?

Because I like to spend time alone, probably more than most people. I really, really enjoy it. I like to be alone in my thoughts. I quarantine alone during COVID. I like it. I enjoy myself. So like, how can you get more comfortable with that? Like if somebody's like, I want to be more comfortable physically being alone.

I mean, it's so hard because there's not like just one thing. And I think that that's why like whenever, you know, I write about this or do videos about this or like, you know, in the book, it's so in depth of like showing my story about that because I don't want to tell someone like this is it for you. Because really, everybody has a different reason why that's hard for them. You know what I mean? So it's like I'm hesitant to be like, this is it. And it's, I mean, that's a tough part. because it's like, yeah, whenever I do interviews or podcasts, they're like, what's the answer? And I'm like, do you want to talk about yours? Like, we just talk about you.

Yeah. You know, I thought some of your actionable stuff was great. I eat food that I like. I get to make a meal that only I like. Right. I mean, and that's, so I guess that's, I guess those would be my, those would be, I thought you meant like something outside of that, like something deeper than that. And I'm like, I don't know that there is something deeper than that.

I think it's just like, I think it's doing those things. And then I think it's like exposure therapy. I think it's just like, you can say like, oh, I'm really afraid of like, like taking a step toward the deli, like, you know, unless you're like literally agoraphobic, you just start taking steps. Like, you know what I mean? I do think it's similar where it's like you have to spend time alone to get comfortable with spending time alone.

Well, practice. Like anything else, like we're not born knowing how to date or flirt or anything else. It's just like practicing. So I think everybody has a different bar. There's probably some women in the world that have never gone to a workout class alone. They always go with their friends. It's like that's something I've always pretty much done alone. That's one step going to a movie alone, going to dinner alone.

Like, that might be the final frontier, like, to go sit at a bar alone or at a, I think, I'll go to dinner alone, but I'll sit at the bar. Like, I've never done a table. I have. I always do it. During the day. I don't know. So it is terrifying. It is terrifying.

I love that you're like, I'm afraid of doing it at night. Yeah. When the sunsets, I cannot. I just like to sit at the bar in general. I think so too. And I think that's an easy way to go in. I remember. Those chairs are not comfortable.

I remember. Well, you have to me to talk to because of the bar. bartender, which is nice. I don't want to talk to anyone. But sometimes they like hover. They hover. I don't want to talk to the bartender. I'm like, I'm reading that. I took a trip by myself. I went to Europe. I did six countries by myself. And I remember the first time I was in London. It was 2006, 2015. I went out to dinner by myself at night, sat at the bar. I was terrified. I brought supplies. I brought like a book magazine headphones. I brought like something to write with at a notebook like just in case there was a second where I was looking around the room.

Somebody like felt bad for me. It like psyched. It was so hard to like walk into. to the restaurant and ask for a seat by myself. It, like, really scared me. I remember this moment, and I, like, did it. And I was like, oh, no one cares. No one cares about me. That's the thing. But it's so funny because so much of it is just societal bullshit.

Like, literally when I go in and I'm just, like, especially what I'm like, touring or traveling or whatever, and I'm just like, oh, yeah, one. Like, just one. And there's a little part of me, and it's not my voice. It's like things I've heard that's just like, just one. And it's like, but I don't really feel that way. That is the moment you actually can be like, I am a bad bitch. Yes.

What would be honest? I'm just kidding. She'd have a whole team. But because honestly, like, yeah, exactly. Every time I've done it, I'm like, no one's looking at me. No one's looking around. And also, if anything, I really think that people like look at me when I am doing that and they're like, that girl's cool.

That's the thing. I really do. I think it's sexy. I think it really is. But you have to tell yourself it's sexy. Like, you're going to feel how you're telling you're telling you, yourself to feel. So if you're like, I'm a fucking loser and everybody's staring at me and they're wondering why I'm here alone, then you're going to feel like shit. But if you tell yourself like,

I'm amazing. This is a badass, confident thing to do. You know, it's how many, I feel like we have this image of like this sexy woman like on a patio in Paris like just alone, you know, smoking cigarettes, drinking a glass of wine, whatever it is reading a book. And it's like, it's sexy. Like, visualize that. Like whatever cheesy image you need to conjure up, you know, maybe it's Beyonce, say, just do that because it's the self-talk. Right. And what is the alternative also? I took a lot of trips in my life by myself because I had a job that would let me,

but I didn't have a lot of friends that had the time and the money. So I could have just not gone and thought about it forever. I've been like, I wish somebody could be with me. Or you can just go do it. Like, I've never not done something because I couldn't go do it with my boyfriend, you know? And I'm very lucky. I'm very lucky. We have great friends.

But I will do something alone. I will go see a movie by myself. I'm not going to not do something because, God forbid, I'd, I do it alone. Yeah, I think that that's what it is. And I don't, like, for, for women especially, like, I know some men are affected by this as well, but, you know, women have just that stigma attached. That's just added.

But, you know, I just, it makes me so angry the idea that, like, women would keep themselves from enjoying their own lives because they don't have someone to share. Like, that's so insane. Like, these years are so valuable every single year that you're alive. Like, this is your life. And the other thing is too, like, you have to realize, like, I think so many people have this idea that, like, oh, if I do this, if I go to this thing alone, like, what if this bad thing happens? But, like, what if a good thing happens? Because I can't tell you how many people, I had somebody, like, reached out to me not long ago.

It was like, I was touring and somebody was like, I kind of want to come to your show tonight. You know, I want to come, but I don't have anyone to go with. And I know, you know, you always say to just, like, come by yourself. So I think I'm going to do that. And I was like, let me just like reiterate. Like, I really do think that you should do that. And later that night, she came up to me and she was like, I met like five girlfriends who like all, like, right. I hear it all the time.

And you wouldn't have met them if you were with a friend. Exactly. Because you wouldn't have reached out. You wouldn't have been open to that. And now you have like, I hear that happens so often. So yeah, exactly. Just shifting that. Like, what if something like really bad happens and I feel awful?

Like, what if you're actually more open to like making friends? Something beautiful happens because you. were open. A hundred percent. We hear it. I mean, it's, it's probably one of my favorite messages we get is that I came alone and I made friends. What an honor that we get to do that and facilitate that for one. And then other stuff, like, I came alone and I had a threesome later. Like, we got, that happened recently. We were like, what? Like this girl, I couldn't even believe what I was reading. I read it over and over. I was like, this bitch came alone and fuck two people later. That is so great. But anyway, I mean, what an honor to a performer, to a comedian that you went alone.

What an honor to a restaurant that you wanted to go there so much that you couldn't even wait for another person to come with you. I mean, of course, you should be safe. I mean, I've traveled alone. I've done some crazy ship by myself. I've gone to Cambodia and Morocco and Turkey alone. That shit's wild. But, you know, I think that you can make calculated risks and feel safe.

And there's so many things, especially when you're traveling, when you're traveling, if you just plan, if you make plans and then go on, like, group tours and stuff, you can meet people. Visit a city is a great website if you guys want to plan trips. and Viator is great if you want to plan tours within those cities. But some of the best ways I met people was like, I went to Southeast Asia by myself and a lot of people travel there alone. And they use these websites to do tours and you meet people. Everybody's alone on these trips too.

And God forbid, God forbid you're alone. People want to know what you're doing alone. How did you get here by yourself? What is this trip for? You're an amazing almost. Yes. Well, that's the thing. And I think of it in, you know, when you were talking about that it's like sexy

when a guy does it, like, Anytime I'm on tour and I'm eating alone, like, I think, like, what is, what's the difference? What's the difference? Like, if, uh, if, like, a hot performer guy was, like, on tour by himself, he's, like, eating dinner and, like, he's on tour. Like, that's badass. That's, like, really sexy and cool. And I was like, I was like, and I'm a hot girl doing this and I'm on tour and I'm eating

alone and I'm looking really cool and I'm going to go perform for like 600 people tonight. Like, that's fucking sexy. A hundred percent. Look, whatever. But, like, you know, like, if. someone's listening to this, they're not a performer, but it's the same thing. Like, why does it have to be any different? Why? It's not. It shouldn't be.

And we should just start shaming men that are alone and being like, you fucking loser and just even the score. When are you going to find someone, I wish you well. Do you have pepper spray? All right, bye. Oh my God. Okay, I have a question for you because you brought this up. I know the holidays are over, but I would be remiss if we didn't have you. The holidays are never over. We have several months. There's a February

one. Oh, actually, we have a February one. All right. So let's talk about. This is a stretch. Let's talk about being alone on the holidays. But I mean, obviously Christmas has passed. We get a lot of stuff about Thanksgiving, holidays, you know, people being like, why are you single? When are you going to find a boyfriend? But all right, let's talk about being single on Valentine's Day.

Oh, yeah. So November, I'm like a huge Halloween fan. I'm like the biggest Halloween nerd. But the stretch, as soon as Halloween ends, it is a dark winter. It is like, in that like November to March holiday are just like, it's tough because they're all, it's all about like, you have a perfect family, right? You have perfect friends, right? You're loved by every.

right. And it's just so frustrating. But, you know, similarly, for people who don't know this, I have like an entire chapter in how to be alone devoted to like talking about how to spend the holidays alone and how to kind of deal with that because there's just so much to navigate. And really like the messages that we have in our society are so like, you're not alone, right? You're going to spend it with people right. You have this right. But I feel like that, at least with Valentine's Day, I don't see a chipping way. with anything else. But at Valentine's Day, I feel like there is a backlash

of that to where it's like, you know, like seeing Galentine's Day and things like that. I think for me, the biggest thing for Valentine's Day is to realize you can do all those things by yourself. You can go get yourself really nice chocolates. Yeah, Valentine's Day, I don't really think,

if people are like, to me, I hear you about the holidays. I imagine that's tough. Like, it's Valentine's Day, whatever, who gives a shit? That's what I'm saying. Right. I don't feel like there's as much of a pressure, like, and aesthetically, I love Valentine's Day. It's like all hearts and pink and red. It's amazing. Yeah. We have a show that weekend, you know, people, I like that people do like girls night stuff, but other than that, like, it's just a day. Yeah, it's always a big

time for me too, because I do a comedy show called Tinder Live and like, it's always a big time for me for people who are like, I don't subscribe to this, like, traditional idea of Valentine's Day. Like, I want to go do something that's just like. Because it's fucking stupid. Right. And the restaurants are crowd. Sometimes they do a price fix. You're like, what is this? Yeah, it's a nightmare.

That's the thing. Even if you're in, like when I've been in relationships around Valentine's Day, I've still been like, no, I would rather go do my comedy show. No, I would rather just go do something else. Like, I don't,

because it just seems you're like, you go into those restaurants and you're just looking around and you just feel like a lot of the couples are dead inside. Oh my God. You just unlocked this memory. I'll let Raina Shiger.

All right. All right. All right. She said, up at the same time. I know. I was like, and it's so funny because I almost didn't say it because I think I knew what I was about to awaken. She loves this story. I'll let her. Well, Ashley and I have spent the last four Valentine's Days together. We're always together, either on a plane or at a show. We don't a lot. We have been on the road a lot. I mean, outside of it's been on the road.

But we were spending Valentine's Day in Vancouver. We were at a comedy festival. We were sitting at this really nice restaurant and hotel. Yeah, it was beautiful. People were all dressed up. And Ashley were having, we're having a time. We were at a great time eating. Probably too loud. Just laughing, cutting up. And we like, we like. And we like, we like, we're just. And we're just looked around the room and every single couple was like not speaking. I mean, no one looked happy. It was wild. Right. And I mean,

I worked at restaurants my whole life. We called out like amateur night. It's a shitty night to be out. Right. But the people who don't know that, specifically the women who don't know that, they are thinking, oh my God, I could be doing that. And it's like, oh, if you knew what that looks like, you would not be idiots. You would love that you were masturbating alone and getting high. Like, you would love it.

That last night, I had the best end. I'm, best end of my night last night. It's a beautiful evening. But like, I just, again, it's, that's, I think that's the biggest thing for me is just like realizing that all these things that we're aspiring to are not even that good. And also, for the record, like, if I'm going to be dating somebody, I want Valentine's Day every night. I want to be courted constantly. You're only doing one day a year of breaking up. I'm breaking up. That's so true. Like, this, a guy just treats you like shit until Valentine's Day. rolls around. He's like, here's your fucking candy and card and we're going to go to

Uno Pizzeria later. I got us like a corner table. Great. I just like you said, like sometimes it just isn't even like what you think it's going to be. Listen, I love relationships. I love having a partner. My last boyfriend was great. He was a great friend to me. The sex was wonderful. I think that relationships can be really indulgent. You eat so much, you fuck so much. You just do so many activities. I love being in a relationship. But so many relationships, I mean, relationships are work. They're a job too, you know. even their best ones. And also, you know, and to that end, it's also like, people aren't selling them.

Like, couples are not really selling it for me. You know what I mean? And they're just like, it's so much work. And, like, you do really hate them. You know, like, I would stop him if I could. But it's like, it is what it is. And it's like, it's still like a little worth it. And you're like, a little worth it.

Single forever. You know what? Like, that's always how they sound. That sounds like having kids. Like, yes. The brain and I always say, like, there's not one relationship I'm envious of. you know, and that's something to think about. And we know amazing couples.

I'm like, I don't want any of this. I mean, I personally just, I do really like being around people. I have like a lot of friends. I'm not, I like being alone as well. But to me, alone is such a crazy word to use for being single. You know what I mean? Alone. Right.

And that's not, that's not alone. You're just, like, I feel so not alone because I don't, because I have people around. Because I never leave her alone. Yeah. Right. And also, it's okay to be. alone and, but I just feel like. No one's saying that about Leonardo DiCaprio.

They're like, oh no, he seems like really alone. It's like, first of all, he has this like pack of like 16 bros. Okay, I feel like this is a perfect segue way that you came up because you never feel alone, neither or why. I think we have great friends and we're like so lucky that we like do all these things because Lane's next book is about making friends. And I think people are like, okay. So if you really feel alone out there, guys and you're like, I need a relationship,

nothing else can fill me. I'm alone. Like, people ask us all the time, how do I make friends? Well, I wanted to ask you that too. Do you prefer to be alone or do you like to be around people? Because everybody's kind of different that way too. I think Raina likes to actually be alone more than me. I even just like to be with Azul.

Like I just kind of like a body in the room and I think a dog is a great choice too. My night plan will be like I'm watching a movie with Azul. So, okay, so we didn't actually talk about this, but this is a very good thing. There is a huge theme in the book where I ended up getting a rescue dog. So like there is a huge thing that I talk about in. how to be alone, which is how powerful animals can be if you're like, oh, I want to be, like, maybe it's been a little bit scary for me to connect with humans right now, but animals feel like a safe thing. Like, I go through my whole story of like how I was like, maybe, you know,

I want a dog. How do I do this? And then realizing, like, it was so healing for me to form this incredibly intense attachment to the dog that I have now. And like, she comes with me on tour. Like, where we cuddle every night. Like, she sleeps like, snuggled up against me. Like it's, it's been this really powerful thing. And the coolest thing is, like, I hear from so many people who are like, I adopted a pet because of you. And now it's like did this. And I'm like, I'm rescuing dogs. Like, but it's so, it's so powerful because to me, that's not alone. I don't, I'm never alone. I'm never alone. Not that it's a bad thing. But I'm never alone. I'm just like with him all the time. He's like, he's so much better than a lot of people. Right. She's like my

favorite person. And it's like, if you want me to hang out with you, you have to be better than my dog. Like, if you're not, I don't, I'm going to, I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay. but she's so fun and so cuddly and so silly. Like I will literally like play weird little games with her. Like, you know, it's such a huge thing for me. So then to answer the question of like, what do I prefer? I mean, hands down, she changed my dog changed my life. Like I would rather be with her.

To me, that doesn't feel lonely. And I think it's only, it's a hard question to answer because I just wanted to feel safe in the company of whoever I was with. emotionally, physically, just all the things. Usually just, you know, emotionally was the thing. But when I'm around people who I really love and I feel like really safe with and feel really like good with, it's a beautiful, wonderful feeling. It really is. But I think I just, I still need that recharge time. Like I'm more introverted than people would assume for. No, I need the, that's like, I mean, I read, I love being social. I love going out with friends, but I need to recharge and I have to

do that alone. And I mean, I don't have a pet at home, but I like all the things you're saying before. I get to watch what I want. I get to eat what I want. I get to stay up as late. I can walk around in a robe from five o'clock until I go to sleep with no bra on. My titties are hanging out. I'm smoking weed. I'm just dropping food on the floor. Like I would never, you guys know. My part is always. But that's the thing, because we always talk about it. Like, oh, you don't have anyone. It's like, yeah, I also don't have anybody to give me a bunch of shit about whatever I want to do. Right. I don't have to cook dinner for my ex anymore. Listen, I love cooking. But like, I don't have to think about what you want to watch? I don't think about it. It's so crazy. I do whatever I want.

Whatever I want. Like what a dream life. Like I don't really want to live with people and I love, live with a partner and I'm loving all these articles that are coming out about coming out. Couples are coming out. It's living separately. And finally, straight people can come out. Like, I think it was like that article was circulating. Maybe it was on the Today Show. I can try to find it and post it about that couple. I think they were Canadian, but they just had this beautiful relationship for 20 years, living separately. And I get to do what. whatever the fuck all the time. What a dream.

Like, why? Listen, no shade. If you love your partner, you guys want to share a fucking closet in a queen bed. But like, what can I? I have to constantly compromise. I mean, like, yeah, of course.

Like, some of it is going to be compromised. Like, yeah, of course, that's totally fine. That's like every relationship. The relationships are beautiful, I guess. The way you hear, the way you hear so many people talk about it is just like, well, I didn't really want to, but he wanted to.

And I didn't really, and he didn't really want to, but I am like, again, some of that can be healthy and beautiful, but for the purposes of talking about being alone or being single in a way that's not bad, you don't have to do any of that shit. I'm 100%. And this, so my ex stayed with me a lot throughout the summer. This is no shade to him whatsoever. It's just how I like to be. I was like, for real, I get up in the morning and I see you. I come to the studio. I'm with Ashley and Bella and people all day long. And then the only time I get to be alone is the eight-minute walk back

to my apartment before I have to see you again. That's no shade to him. In New York. He was just there. He was there working and I was just like, I just never get to be alone again. Raina came over here. I saw her in the lobby. She had her laptop with her. I was like,

what are you doing? Like, because, you know, I was like, what are you doing? Like, I was coming from the studio. She was coming in.

She was like, I got to go up to the studio and take a shit and watch a real housewife on my laptop. I, like, an episode of Real Housewives. I ordered KFC. I was like, go off.

That's the thing. We don't, we don't, again, it's just like shifting that from seeing, like, because if we tell, if we tell all women, this is sad, you shouldn't want it.

Then so many women have forced themselves into these relationships where they have no space for themselves. And then they feel guilty for needing that space. Like it's just created such a toxic environment. And then you hear from so many people, like, I've heard from so many people who are like, I got married and I felt like more alone than ever. And I didn't have my own space. And I'm just like, like, that's literally what I want to do. And what I want to do is like, and I am doing is like having these conversations so we can realize like these things we've been doing. told they're not that simple. They don't work for everybody. And the fact is like, yeah, you can feel alone in a marriage. You can feel rejected. And like, I mean, that's a whole other thing. It's just

like this idea that like the main goal is to get married. But like, have you seen marriages? Nothing will make you feel more alone in this world than being with a partner who doesn't support you emotionally listen to you. Like it is a horrific struggle being with a person. And you're like, this is it? This person that doesn't fulfill me at all? But the sad thing is that society still thinks those people won because they're married. Like that's literally all they had to do. And to that I want to say, and, you know, again, I mean, I feel like everybody knows us. Maybe we don't have to keep saying this.

But it's just like, it's not to say that marriage can't be good. And like, of course it can. But just this idea that like married people are good. They did everything right. Single people have failed. They've done everything wrong. That's what we're trying to like piece apart. because the idea that like you've done a better job at living, you've like won life simply

because you married somebody anybody versus like actually waiting for somebody who you have something really magical with is bizarre. Yeah. And that's again like just mindset shifting to like I don't subscribe to any of that. I have one at life. This is my dream life. Like I just can't. I pinch myself every day. Like so when people allude to that, I kind of just eye roll because I don't subscribe to it and it's not true. But this is the least hot take of the whole show. that half of marriage is ended a divorce. So so many of these people will break up. You know, like I don't want to sound cynical, but half of marriages less than half are really forever. So these people are going to be back out there wondering why they married the wrong person. A lot of

them. But again, it's like, but it's so tough when people are, you know, our society is built up to be like, just get married. It's a success. Just that you did it. I know. And we are barely towards this goal. And it's like, but what do I do after I achieve? the goal. You die. You die inside. You die inside. You just hang it up.

However you need to die. Just die. I have like this friend and she's been with somebody that I don't care for. And I'm like, what is the goal here? You just to find a husband and the father. And it's like, okay, so like when you nail him down and he marries, you like, then what? Like you're actually going to be with this person. Right.

Like now what? But because we want all the other little things, you know, we want the engagement. We want the ring. We want the thing. but then it just is nothing. In that narrative, that's what it is. It's all about that. And then it's just like 40 years of like,

what are we supposed to do now? I mean, we talked again with Chris. This is on my mind because the episode came out today. But he mentioned this couple that had been together for years. And he knew that she, well, maybe both of them, just wanted to like have the wedding. And like they broke up two weeks after the marriage. Like I've seen that a lot.

I actually, a close friend of mine, we were at dinner and she was saying that she was about to go to this wedding. And she was like, they don't want to get married. I know she doesn't want to marry him. And I'm like, this is insane. Like, you're just, you want to have this fancy wedding and you want to be the main character for the day, you know?

It's right. It's for the day. Yeah, you're like, I just want to have it. And then, like, it's just so much what? Raina said, then what? I mean, and listen, I can't stress it off. Like, Rayna and I talk about all the time, like my parents, her brother, my brother, these beautiful marriages, these beautiful relationships.

Like, it can happen. But our job here is not to tell you guys that it can happen. You know that. Right. Exactly. Like we all know the good versions of this exist. But it's just saying that like saying that this is patently the way to win is. Right.

Finding the relationship is not game over. I love being a relationship. I think it's really fun. I love having like an adventure buddy and a fuck buddy at all times. It's great. But my life didn't stop when I found a partner. I still had to work. I still work on my friendships and my relationships outside of that.

You still have to work on yourself. Right. It's just a different type of work you're doing. And now you're like in a group project with someone you're. fucking. And you're carrying all the weight. Yeah, a lot of the time. You know, exactly. You're doing everything. This is so funny to think of a relationship as a group project and you're doing all the

work. It is. I've been there. You're just, you're the one that you're like, it's just easier if I do it. Yes. That's every woman in every relationship. So am I. And that's every woman and every relationship with a man for sure where you're just like, forget it. All right. I'll go to therapy for both of us. You're not doing the homework. You didn't do that. Forget it. I'm not going to let my grade slide because of you, Brian. I will not. Everyone's trying to schedule a time to go to the library together and you're like, listen, guys, I'll just do the project myself.

Yeah, you're like, I already did it. I already have the no, it's just photocopy them. Oh my gosh. Rina, I think you asked a question a while back and we derailed you. No, no, you didn't. This is amazing. The dogs came up. This has been amazing. And this is all really useful. I just outside of having a romantic partner. Yeah, like, I just want to touch on, I think we were missed, you know, making friends. And people, I want to say that people message us so, so, so often saying, like, can you give me advice for making friends? So if you are somebody who's like in a new city, you are a little bit older and you've moved, you're not making friends in college or at work anymore, it is like really tough. And a lot of women, I'm mostly women, say like, I don't know how to make friends as an adult. And it's like a real thing. A lot of people go through it.

So I was curious what you talk about in the book and we'll give our own advice. I think Ashley and I have great, robust social lives. And it makes us feel so not alone when we don't have romantic partners. Yeah, absolutely. So writing, you will find your people now. So I'm like in the process of writing it. But what I view it as very much as a sequel to how to be alone because I view, I view relationships and friendships as I do, I've noticed for myself, it there's like a

building block. So how to be alone is essentially like, okay, how do you like become okay with yourself? How do you like deal with your own shit? So you're not bringing it into your other relationships and like creating all these like horrible weird fraught dynamics, which so many of us do. I've done it a million times. And then once you've like done that work. on yourself and not in that way that like I know you mentioned because we do kind of tend to tell

women where it's just like go into a monastery, spend 15 years in therapy, then maybe you're ready to be loved. Like pray love. Right. Like I don't mean it like you've done all the work and now you're ready for love. But I think there's so much that can be helpful about looking at your own patterns, your own history and doing your own healing and then being able to take a different look at friendships. So in you will find your people. What I want to do is like examine all these different types of friendship because very similarly to what we were talking about in this whole episode is like we have this idea of friendship and it's really shallow. It's really just like, oh yeah, we're friends, but like we never talk about anything real and we don't ever really

feel that scene and we don't ever really connect. And of course there's exceptions to that, but I just see specifically for women, but really for everybody. Like there's just this really murky idea of friendship and we don't talk about friend breakups the way that we should and I want to talk about it. And we don't talk about maybe this friendship isn't working anymore and I want to talk about it. So I really just want to talk about essentially like dismantling all of these flawed ideas that we have about friendship and trying to get the friendships we actually want instead of the friendships that we're kind of told that we should have, but we feel like there's something kind of missing. So in a simplified, actionable way, it's so hard. It's hard for me to specifically say that

because the way that I've made my friends, I have such, like, unique, bizarre stories for all of them. It's not like, I can't just say, like, they all happen to this way. You know, for me, I think one of the things that served me so much and that I talk about a lot is that I think I'm a very open person. Like, I'm a very anxious person, but I'm also a very open person in that I'm open to the idea that, like, oh, if I go to this thing tonight, maybe I'll meet somebody who's really cool.

Or, you know, if you live in a city and you're taking it. like public transportation and like you end up talking to somebody on the train and they're really cool. And like, I don't know, maybe you do go hang out with them. Like just having that openness has really served me in terms of how I've made friends. Honestly, I think most of my friendships that are really beautiful come back to that. I was just really open. I think with women too, I mean, you know, of course there's these narratives of women being like catty and snobby and exclusive and, you know, not letting you into the group. But I think a lot of women, especially if you see another woman who's alone is probably going to be open. Like I remember that time I sat down

with that girl at Sobo House and like we connected. And now you had a bathroom. It's so much easier. I know Raina came up. I was like, this is my new friend. I met her 10 minutes ago. Like it was just like a big booth and she was alone. And I was like, do you mind if I sit? And it's also then easier to connect social media wise. Like you're like, it's less of like, let me get your phone number. You're like let me follow your Instagram and then you connect that way. But like I've made friends in the DMs and things like that. But think that someone else might want to be your friend too. You know, like that's the getting out of your friend too. You know, like that's the getting out of your head of like, oh, that woman's never going to want to talk to me.

Like, she's probably got a whole big group of friends. And why do we think that someone wouldn't be on the same page that we are? Yeah. It's not easy and it is work. And I think a lot of the advice is like, find a hobby and go do it. Listen, you're not always going to meet somebody at a workout class. Not everybody has the time to go find a hobby. I really love my soul.

Like, a lot of people don't want to. But it is, if you say to yourself, I don't have friends and I want them, it is going to be work. And there are a million ways you can find friends. Like, I would go on timeout, whatever city is, timeout New York, where we are, there are so many different activities. Go to those activities. Say yes. When my fiance left me, I was like, oh, I don't really have a social life or a lot of friends. And I had to work for it. And I started saying yes to literally everything anyone asked me to do. But there's

meetup groups. Go on meet up and see what there is going on. For women, there's so many women's professional networks that you can like go to events that are around your job. And all women are there alone or with one other friend. It's the perfect way to meet another friend. But it's not so easy, but it's worth it. you do it. Well, if I find myself ever talking to a woman or even hearing their story, then they're like, I just don't have any friends. And I dig a little deeper. And I'm like, you've always had a boyfriend. You know, so that's why you just prioritized, even from great school, you know, boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. If you don't have a boyfriend,

a partner, you're alone. So for me, I just realized at a very young age, like, friends are going to be the thing for me. It was my priority. And I think you see a lot of people who prioritize the partner and they would rather be with anybody than not with somebody. Like that's the fate worse than death thing. So one day you wake up and you're like, for whatever reason, I don't have the boyfriend anymore and I don't have any girlfriends either. Yeah. And we always tell people like boyfriends, partners, you know, I'm just being very hetero right now,

but come and go, but your good friendships are so important. Yeah, it's what sustains me. It's what makes me feel like I can be in a relationship or not. How many people stay in relationships? Because they don't have anyone else. they don't have anybody else. That too. That's a really scary place to be for a lot of people.

Just like, oh, if this person leaves me, like when my fiance laughed me, I was like, I had friends, but I didn't have like a wealth of friends and things to do. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to do now? I went to culinary school because I was like, what am I going to do on the weekends? I have nothing to do. You know? So I'm not saying it's easy. I just want to like give credits to people that say like I'm having a hard time finding

friends. It is not easy. It is work. But like, you got to go do it. Just go do it. Just get out of the house and go do a thing and go do it. And being open to like, you know, because for me, the, I feel like it'd be too much pressure to be like, okay, I'm going to go to this event and like make a friend. But, you know, even just in those small interactions that I have with people where I'm like, oh, this is like kind of nice.

And sometimes I've, you know, it's so funny because very similarly, I met these girls at Soho House as well. And like just randomly by being, I overheard something they were talking about. Oh, that's what it was. like this girl was a, one girl was a wedding photographer, the other girl was a wedding planner, and I was like, oh my God, I do a show about how bad dating apps are. I feel like we should all be friends. They were like, yes. And I love it. We're like a group of, we're still friends. And one of those girls took my author photo for my book. So it was just like later, like a year later. So it's like, you never know. Like sometimes just like overhearing somebody talk about something and you're like,

I think there's an in here or like you happen to bond over something silly. Like I think that's the beautiful and the opposite side of what we're told about women. Like, we're told that women are, like, catty and aloof. But my experience has been that actually no. Like, I mean, I know women. I know women can be like that. Of course they can.

But I just see things like that. I mean, think about, you know, the bar bathroom at 2 a.m. Like, women want to connect with each other. They just do. And anybody that shames you for saying hello at a place like so else, fuck that person. Well, guys, listen, we can't stress enough. there's some real assholes of so hot.

And a lot of like, don't just go up to any old. No. But I just, I feel like if you do something like that, you say, hey, can I sit down? Oh my God, I overheard you.

Yada yada. Whatever you're in is, you know, sometimes that's going to take a lot of like gassing yourself up to get there. If they brush you off, then they're just an asshole and forget it. Also, maybe they're just busy.

I was going to say, yeah, maybe they just didn't want to. Like, every one again, I've had somebody come up and, like, talk to me when I'm doing something.

And I'm just, like, friend and I'm not interested and it's a little awkward and they keep messaging me like, hey girl, let's get drinks. I'm like, ah, I don't want to. Ashley makes people work for it. I met her and I was like, I want to be a friend so bad. You'll feel an openness or not. And if why not try because the time that it works, it's like, that could be your friend for life. She could take your author photo. Yeah. Right. And if they don't reciprocate, it doesn't define you at all. It's just like walking up to men at bars too and saying

like, or anybody or women at bars. You know, if somebody's not into it, that doesn't define you. That person wasn't into it in that moment for whatever reason, your day is going to go on. It's fine. They weren't your person, but it's, I think it's still better to ask. I think it's still better to try because if nothing else, you're like building up that muscle. You're like, oh, this is not that big of a deal. This was really great and wonderful. And Lane, you didn't really talk about it a lot, but you have this great show, Tinder Live.

And I know that you're on tour and you're going to a million cities. So just tell people where they can find you. Your website, your Instagram is really great. By the way, your videos. You talk about attachment theory and all kinds of stuff. It's just, I love it. So tell people where they can find you in your shows. Yeah.

So I'm at Hello Lane Moore on every social media thing. My website is lanemore.org and that has like all of the tour dates and all the good stuff. Amazing. Yeah. And then the books. Yeah. How to Be Alone.

You can get any bookstore obviously. And I also read the audiobook too. So that's cool. And then. Oh, awesome. Yeah. Which is neat. And my dog sat on my lap the entire time.

I like read the audiobook and was just very quiet. And then my second book, you will find your people, will be out in spring 2020. So in like a year. Oh my gosh. So exciting. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Hit that for show tickets, merchandise on sale now.

You can follow us on Instagram at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is reina. com. Greenberg on Instagram. Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube. com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we'll see you next week.

Have a good week, guys. Bye.