Girls Gotta Eat - How to Be Happier feat. Dr. Daniel Amen

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Trigger warning: This episode contains discussions that may be sensitive regarding disordered eating and mental illness. If you or someone you know is struggling, please listen with care. We're honored to have Dr. Daniel Amen, one of America's leading psychiatrists and brain health experts, join us to discuss the brain's link to happiness. He's breaking down the brain, educating us on the different types and how they affect our relationships, and giving actionable steps to achieve a healthier, happier life. He also shares some intel about his celebrity clients you may have heard of (Justin Bieber, anyone?). Before Dr. Amen joins us, we're continuing the blowjob conversation, recapping our Valentine's date, and reviewing Love is Blind 2. Enjoy! Follow Dr. Amen on Instagram @doc_amen and visit his website for more. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates and tickets. Thank you to our partners this week: Aurate: Visit auratenewyork.com/gge and use code GGE for 20% off your purchase. Osea: Get 10% off your first order with code GGE at oseamalibu.com. Babbel: Use code GGE at babbel.com to get 3 additional months when you purchase a 3-month subscription. Hellofresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge16 and use code GGE16 for up to 16 free meals and 3 free gifts. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And the big, huge, missing piece of happiness is the brain. So the actual physical functioning of your brain. Our episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Ashley just touched the business card. Listen, Dallas Business Card Guy, it sits right where we record. It's right on the table with all of our equipment. And I just told Rayno, one day she's going to walk in.

It's going to be in a frame. Ashley just took her pointer finger, touched the logo on his car and whispered his name. Like he would appear. I love him for you. He's private on Instagram and I follow him now and you don't. So I have to check in on him. He followed me back or he accepted my request so quickly and I was in there hard. I went all the way back to 2015.

I can't believe he accepted it like so quick. He's a baller. I love him. I can't wait until he does something terrible. He's not going to. He's stable. He's got a career. He's got a cool job.

Yeah, he does. Well, maybe I get a new boyfriend. I don't know. He's coming this weekend to our show, I think. We'll say. Everybody's bringing their boyfriends to L.A. Well, now if you guys are listening, we're done with L.A. We're done with L.A.

If you're listening, I definitely will never be done with L.A. If you're listening, I definitely have a new boyfriend because I do think I am going to get a boyfriend. What did you say? She said, I finished reading my book and I cried. Listen, I finished this book last night. I'd been crying for an hour and then I had a premonition. I was going to get a boyfriend. and he's going to be a writer.

Okay, we'll talk about it. It's going to be a writer? It has to do with the book that you don't care about. I care. We'll talk about it. Raina doesn't read fiction. People tell you about fiction. I pretend to care.

Like, I pretend to care when somebody's like, I had a dream. And I'm like, oh God. Rain is such a hypocrite because she'll be like, I don't want to hear about your dream. But anyway, I had this dream last night. Okay, so if you're listening today, I'm sure that San Francisco and L.A. We're fantastic.

We had the Super Bowl cheerleaders open the show in L.A. I know. We'll catch you up on everything next week. The Super Bowl. was so fun to like be watching it and knowing that we were about to come to L.A. And then we were going to have the Rams cheerleaders open the show. I was like, I can't even believe this. Also best half-time performance of all time.

Unbelievable. I couldn't even believe it. Like I was like, is this real life? Like how do they get all these people? Do you know my wish was when I was watching it? I was like, I needed one of the Peloton instructors to make a Super Bowl ride tomorrow morning. Oh, it was so bad. Yeah, that would have been so good.

I know. I wanted a Tupac hologram. And maybe Kobe, you know, Like where, like when Dr. Drey sat down at the piano, I thought he played a little bit of a like Tupac song and I like got really teary and then Eminem took a knee. I was like, I'm not okay. A 50 cent hanging upside down. God. I lost my mind.

I was so tired. I really rallied through that because we were up until like I was up until like four o'clock in the morning night before the Super Bowl. Let's talk about it. DC. What the fuck? Insane two shows. So wild. These shows just keep getting crazier.

Ray and I are. we no longer even have a plan or we don't prep just so whatever happens happens no we we have an outline we obviously we have an outline but it is the most chaos I've ever seen in my life but controlled chaos like you guys are just so funny the stuff that happens at these shows like I feel so confident than even if you came to two shows and one night you'd see a totally different show yes and that happened that did happen in DC that did happen in Boston we rarely do two shows in a row but when we do like we'll post stuff and someone will be like like I was at the early show, but I wish I was at the late show.

Or people have asked me, people came in Boston to both. A lot of, like a significant amount of people. I got a lot of messages. And it is so true because they, you never know what the fuck is going to happen, you know. It is chaos that the Washington commanders. Do I get her commanders? Newly the commanders. Yeah.

Their dancers opened the show. They were so great. They were unbelievable, like some of the best dancers in the league. Co-ed dance team. They just killed it. They were so fun. They were so great. I love their coach.

She was very channeling Monica from Cheer. Her album was great. And so it was Valentine's Day Weekend show. And we've just been saying so many more of you have been bringing like husbands and boyfriends to the shows, which is so fun for us. We don't want like a group of single guys necessarily by themselves, unmanaged by women.

But we love when you bring single guys with you. But anyways, this was Valentine's Day weekend. And the amount of you that brought your ex, including me, was insane. So many exes. Like we were seeing emails come through like, come with my ex. It was just, it was totally out of control. And then you guys always send the tea afterwards. I was getting DMs about stuff that was happening outside on the street. People were

fighting. People were making out. I was like, God damn, there's just nothing like our shows. And my ex came, my DCX came. He's come to all the shows in DC. He really let me light him up. He's such a good sport. He just like let me read all of our old text messages. He brought a hot friend. He did both. He came to both shows and brought friends. He offered to bring us snacks before and he bought my drinks after. So it was great. MVP. MVP. Great hair, great head of hair and a great job. That's why it didn't work out. Anyway, guys, thanks for coming out to D.C. and of course, L.A. and San Francisco and then you can still grab tickets to Kansas City, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, and Detroit. So if you

live anywhere near those, please come. We don't know when we'll be back in that area for a minute. So please come out to those. They will be just as incredible. And we can. You forgot the one show. Portland second show. There's like a couple tickets left. Because I know you got upset that didn't solve it right. They're going to sell out. They're going to make it happen.

Portland. Of course Portland would let me down. My second home. Your second home. We love it. And San Diego will see you this week. If you were coming to any shows whatsoever, sent us tea on anybody that you're coming with, single guys.

If you're coming with your boyfriend, roast him. We'll roast him on stage. Bring your ex. Make fun of him. That is Stories at Girls Gotty Potty. podcast.com and just let us know what the subject line would show you're coming to. You guys are killing on these subject lines lately. Unbelievable.

So funny. Okay. So last week, we had a four year anniversary episode. We had our blowjob episode and we've gotten such incredible feedback on it. A lot of you guys overcame your blobia, which Ashley Hasseltine original. I don't know. I never heard that word before I started saying it like so many years ago. I was totally remiss and not saying it last week.

but I do feel like I used to have a blobia because I didn't think I was good at blow jobs. I finally started dating this guy and blowing him and felt like I was good at it and I overcame my blobia. But like a lot of you guys, I feel like you have, the episode like really helped.

And we're so happy that we could help people give better blow jobs. Yes. And so we got like an avalanche of DMs, emails saying that you like went home and blew your man, your husband, your man who's not your man,

whatever. And he was so excited. I just want to say like, I am so happy that like the men in your lives enjoyed this, but like the point of this episode was that you guys enjoy this. So that's what I feel so excited about is that like you did something sexually that you feel excited about that was fun for you or new and you felt like such a bad bitch. And like this girl was like, I rub my man's taint. He like lost his mind. Like it just, it makes me so excited that you like, you walked out of

the experience feeling proud. I don't fucking care if your husband comes or not. I just want you to have a good time. Well, so I just love I had friends that their boyfriend's husband's, fiance is we're sending them the we're sending them our friend Jackie 9 a.m. her fiance DM'd her like my story or our story. It was like, can you listen to this yet? And then I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. She's Singapore and her husband is Indian and I go, I'm watching Love is Blind, which we'll talk about it. And I was like, I just need your thoughts on this horny Indian guy. And she goes, speaking of horny Indian guys, Sean just walked to the room and said, do you listen to the blowjob episode yet?

40 Indian guys. My husband wants to know if I'm stuck in his sake today. I was like so... Do you think more men shared this with their girlfriends and wives than vice versa? Like, this is so funny, the amount of men... I never even thought about this, the amount of men that would watch mine of your stories and, like, send it to their significant others. I mean, it's so...

If I saw, and I do think we got it right, I think that we got a lot of validation from guys and especially women saying, like, I use these tricks and it worked and then... But, I mean, if I saw two guys do a podcast about how to eat, Pussy better. A, I'd be like, thank you for your service. But B, I'd have to listen to know what they said. But we didn't really address guys last week. You know, our audience is mostly women. But like, you know, if guys are listening, like they need to do their part too and be making women feel like they're doing a good job. I think we covered that. But like, that's what I love about it. So much of it is like just you don't get the positive

reinforcement. And that's why you don't want to do it. That's why I don't feel like you're good at it. So guys, if you're listening now, tell them they did a good job. Well, it's so funny because like that's why I like it is the positive reinforcement. That's what makes me enjoy it. What I've always said is I enjoy because I like the noises and I throw your body moves. And I didn't ever like blowing my ex who came to DC because he didn't like it. It's just like he just didn't enjoy it. It was so funny. We're in the green

room last weekend. And I was like, thank you so much for like letting me just like rip you to shreds and read all of our text messages and stuff. And I was like, I'll suck your dick if you want me to at this. And he goes, you know, I don't like that. Oh, no. It's so funny. But yeah, I didn't like doing it because he didn't enjoy it. And it's again, a cyclical thing. If they don't like it, I don't

like doing it. Right. Exactly. So, yeah. Okay, I want to read one. And then you can read one. Okay. This email, I think I got out of a speeding ticket because of your blowjob episode. Perfect. Or not a speed ticket, a ticket. So she said, I'm driving home last night, naturally catching up on the newest episode of GGE. I get pulled over and have no idea why. Turns out everything that can be expired on my car was. Girl, get your life. No, I used to live like that, really living on the edge. The state trooper makes me renew my registration on my phone on the spot and is halfway leaned into my window the whole time showing me. where to click. About halfway through the process, I look over to him and see he is looking at the screen of my radio that reads really large, how to give better blow jobs. And he catches my eye and immediately looks away. I finished the process and he walks back to his car. Five minutes later, he comes back and gives me three warning tickets. Three. I don't even know you could get that many. I know. Not one actual ticket. I can't say for sure that it was because he knew I was educating

myself for the good of mankind, but I have to say it might have helped. So thanks to you both for this for doing the Lord's work with this episode, but also getting me out of three very expensive of tickets. Can I imagine? I didn't know you could get three warnings. I thought that like three warnings equal a ticket. Right? I mean, like I guess if all this stuff was expired, he had to like, they're technically,

those are three offenses. Uh-huh. But I just love it. He leaned in. He was like, oh, shit. It is so funny. Like, I can't even imagine like what cops here, like in your car, but that's got to be like the best thing they could possibly hear.

He definitely went back and told his coworkers about that. So I have two. I have one that's funny, also car-related, and then I have one that's heartwarming. Okay, car-related, she titled it Blowies. All caps, thank you for the episode. My husband filled my gas tank last night, so to thank him, I decided to give him a blowjob.

That turned into fucking my mouth and my tits. I tried all the tips that you guys gave. He has never come so hard all over my face and tits. He now told me he plans to fill my gas tank daily. I love that. Yeah. And she's like, and you'll be filling my gas tank daily. I got this one that said,

Thank you all for your suggestions in yesterday's episode on Sucking Dick. I gave the performance of a lifetime last night that he even said, I wish I filmed it. That is a great compliment. Holy hell. Like you're like, I wish I had this to remember and rewatch. You don't be so funny, though, if you like gave the, like, you're, like gave the performance

of a lifetime. You're like, I'll never beat that. I'm retiring. And you're like, I hope you filmed it because that's all you're going to have is to watch this. The memories. The memories. I got one of a woman listening to it in the Chick-fil-A line, which I love that.

Whenever you guys say that you like, chick-fil-A employees heard us talk about crazy stuff, like sucking dick. And they have to be polite to you. Yeah, they're like, my pleasure. And this is just, I mean, always my favorite thing that anybody would say to us is that we like inspired them do anything. So she said, I sucked my first dick yesterday after listening to this week's episode. Oh my gosh.

We communicated. And he was able to instruct me on how to do it and how he likes it. And he even told me most girls can't even figure out how to do it. But the way he likes it, I did it. Oh, my God. To you guys. Love that. I love it. I love that. I think it's like, listen, it's second nature to me at this point to do, to be like, walk me through how to suck your dick. But like, that's not an easy thing to say. And so to like have somebody try that for the first time and be like, I want you to teach me like how hot and sexy. And now like she's just an MVP. I know. I love that. And today we have an episode on brains. And that is the range of this podcast from giving head to brain activity. Your actual head. Yeah. You know, one thing I wanted to talk about too. We talked about like spitting and swallowing. Like you can do both. Like this. Like this.

This is not like a binary system. You know what I mean? Like you can flow back and forth. You can surprise them. On different days. One day you meant you could spit it and then decide to swallow it back. Not that in one sitting. Not in the same.

No, different. Because we always say that people like to be surprised in the bedroom. I think men and women, but especially men like when you change it up. Like I think it's kind of hot to never know what she's going to do. That's really true. I like, but you laugh, that's so true.

You don't have to be a spitter or a swallower. Totally. You don't need to be in one camp. It depends on my mood. Yes. Depends on the vibe. That's so funny. Sometimes you spit, sometimes you swallow.

I know, I love that. Like if we're in the living room, I swallow. She doesn't get on a couch. If I'm standing, I... If I'm getting, like, face fucked, sitting on my white couch, I'm swallowing. I can't take the risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what are we talking about?

Love is Blind? So we spent our fourth Valentine's Day in a row together. Oh, okay. We're not talking about, okay. We're going to get back into it. We're going to get back into Love is Blind. We're going to talk about love, our love for each other. So we spent our fourth Valentine's Day together.

It's not that we can't find love for men. We can. We enjoy spending Valentine's Day together. It's also a stupid holiday. So Ashley and I had a wonderful day that culminated at the cheesecake factory at the Short Hills Mall, New Jersey bar. Well, okay, we started with getting Botox a doctor of Chinsky, which I want to plug him.

Always he did my nose. And you guys ask me sometimes, like, who did your nose? I forget. It is Dr. of Chinsky, plastic surgery of Short Hills. Something like that. He's in that area. Dr. O, Dr. O, Dr. Ofcinski, in Short Hills, plastic surgery. Anyway, and so we go there and we just always have, like, a fun little friend date,

and it's close to the cheesecake factory in the Short Hills Mall. So that's where we got shot up and then went over there. I will say we sat in the bar, the amount of people that were by themselves, just having a time. Yeah. Just, like, on a date, but, like, I feel like sometimes Valentine's Day is a day where people are like, I'm too embarrassed to go out in public alone. You know, I would never do such a thing.

It's so true. And I think it's so confident, sexy, you'd be like, I don't fucking care about this holiday. This good-looking dude, sat down next to us, ordered a shot tequila and a Mai-Tai. No food.

I was like, go off, king. He's like, you watch the Super Bowl? You watch the Super Bowl. He's hot. He was hot. He was a Steelers fan. He was a hot. He was a Stead of Mytide in a Cheetahela.

Well, I was like, he had like a fruity drink. A Monday night in New Jersey. Yes. So we are seated, first of all, in front of this like row of beer taps. We really wanted to sit at the bar. We waited for these bar seats.

We sat down. I look up, there's like six beer taps, and on two of them is written my ex's name. Two felt really aggressive. Spelled exactly the way he spells it. They were the biggest taps. Yes, they were the biggest one. So I'm just staring at his name. So I just like, thank God I'm more stable and I'm like fine because we would have had to leave.

Otherwise. So that really made me laugh. And then next us was just like the most iconic thing I have ever watched. Once that hot guy got up and left, this girl sat down. And she gets a mac and cheese bites. She's ordering all these drinks. Her phone is propped up against one of the empty drinks. And she's FaceTiming with some dude.

She's by herself on Valentine's, the bar at Cheesecake Factory on a FaceTime date with this dude. Just eat mac and cheeseballs like a queen. I turn around because I see some other thing of food come around. She gets delivered at a pizza. And she's on a new FaceTime date with another guy. Alone at the Cheesecake Factory on Valentine's Day. Icon. Insane.

Like multiple FaceTime dates, multiple incredible dishes. And then remember she had like a fruit, she had like a fruity drink. And like she had her AirPods in, you know, I didn't really hear her talking. She wasn't being loud. She was just doing her thing. I think she, I don't even know if she was talking to them. I think they were talking to her while she ate. Every time we turned around and look, they were just nonstop chatting.

And she was just hanging out and cheese balls. And then the bartender like came by and she remember she just like gave her drink a tap. Like she needed a refill. She just tapped it. It was like so. Tap the rim. It was subtle and sexy. Yeah.

She was just like, give me another my tie. She was like, I got another guy coming. I need another glass to prop this phone up on. So she was an icon. Yeah, we had a great Valentine's Day. God, I love the cheesecake factory. Right of pastel Uber on the way home. Hard.

Neck all the way back. I was like, are you good? So deep. And that's, you know, I did you order cheesecake? At the end of the meal, we never do it. I know. I was just like, I'm doing it. I had to do it.

It was a holiday. So I treated myself. Coconut cream pie cheesecake. Unbelievable. Can't recommend it enough. Like, I didn't even know they did that. and I used to work there. It was incredible.

And you got the lattice wraps. It was a lovely night. Okay. So let's talk about Love is Blind too. You guys have been messaging us nonstop. Are you guys watching this? Do you know about it? Yes, of course we know about it.

It was like our favorite show. It's like the best show ever created on Netflix. I just feel like they were so low-key about her. I didn't know it was coming out. I didn't see one Instagram post that love it and just boom, dropped it. I know. I mean, we have thoughts on shows like that that are so unique and different in terms of their concept and then when no one knows what's going into it season one. And then people just

like, like, they want to go on it because they want to get famous and stuff like that. So I was wondering if I was going to like it. I feel like that about too hot to handle. Like I'm like, everybody now knows they're on too hot to handle season one. Like you'll never get another too hot to handle season one where no one knows what's happening. It's so shocking. They're like, wait, we can't hook up. Like, so I was just like, am I going to like it? Because we've seen it already and we know what's coming and I like it just as much. Like the concept is still so bananas. Also, it's still clearly the same people that like, cast it. Like, it doesn't feel like anybody is on that show to become famous. Like,

these just all seem like really normal people. You know what I mean? Like, they're not, I mean, there are some people that are like Instagram models and I have like a million followers and they kind of weed those people out. I totally agree with that. Yeah. And just Netflix. You know, they crush on the production, the music, everything. Like, I just, they make me, like, the editing and I'm just like, I can't believe I'm crying at the show again. And it just, it feels right now in this moment, it feels like 2020 again and I'm like kind of triggered by it because it is like we're about to go to California, the same exact date basically in L.A.

Love is Blind is out. Like I'm like, it's literally 2020 all over again. I did not get choked on Valentine's Day. I got Botox and I went to Cheesecake Factory with you. But other than that, everything feels the same and it's like so triggering. Like it's so crazy.

It's like it's literally 2020 again. Love is Blind is out, this crazy show on Netflix. And we're about to leave. We're about to fly out of JFK. Hope we don't miss our flight. I don't have to get a pedicure again. I hope there's not another pandemic. Yeah.

It doesn't trigger another pandemic. So we are what five episodes and the other ones. I think the other ones will drop before this episode comes out just so they will. 18th, I think. Yeah. This is chaos. It's so insane. Like, I cannot believe they found an exact replica of Jessica and Mark.

And Barnett, basically. It's the same thing. Oh, spoilers ahead, guys. We're not going to dwell too much in this. But spoilers ahead, if you want to be fresh and you haven't watched it yet and you don't want to hear anything about it. But yeah, like this, I don't even remember. I can't remember these people's names quite yet.

But the really pretty blonde. construction worker and the pretty, the pretty blonde. The construction worker short king, his voice is so sexy. His confidence. His energy is unmatched. I love that guy. That guy has a 10 foot dick. I know.

She, again, spoilers. She goes home. Like, they go, they're there for one day. They have dinner. She eats a steak. It's, I don't know, a salad. He's like a, what, a vegan construction worker atheist. And she's like a meat eating Christian woman.

Hairdresser. And she's like, I'm going home. And he's like, I feel like the lucky. I'll just see her. He's like, we'll get to communicate better. I'm like, his level of confidence is unmatched. His voice is so sexy.

I would end up with that guy because of the voice. I would say his level of delusion is on that. But she likes the other guy, Shane, who was just the most royd rage crazy person. First of all, he's like an off-brand Bobby West Side. Crazy eyes, roid rage. That's what it is. He's crazy eyes.

He's a crazy person. like the second that he and that's Natalie she's so sweet the second that he like got mad at her that one time I was like leave when he was like what are you going to be mad about it like when she he thought she was shana oh right and he was like are you even are you mad the second someone takes a tone like that with me so early on like I get it you've been with somebody for a long time you get annoyed with each other you say stuff like that but like someone comes out with that much like annoyance anger early on I just say run but she's stuck with it and that couple is not going to make it I mean he seems like And it's interesting to see how people change from the pods to real life because he seems like a crazy liar, like gaslighter when he was in there.

Like talking to the other girl. Like, what's the big deal that I'm like dating another girl? And I asked her to be my girlfriend. And like he's super gaslighting both of them. And I thought in the pods, the girl he does end up with seemed a little more like meek and soft and quiet. They get out of the pods, go to Mexico. And she is just chopping his ass down. I mean, I don't think they're going to last.

I think she's going to be out. Like it's flirty and fun now. They're attracted to each other. but he is so, he needs constant validation. He can't take it when she jokes around too much. He needs her to tell him how great he is. I can't stand him. And I think that she responds to that by wanting to chop him down more.

Like I think they don't bring out the best in each other. Like I think that she's so awesome and such a catch. And I think that like that guy just like pokes the wrong parts of her. And I think she's just like, you're so obsessed with yourself. I got to like chop you down a little. It's a bad dynamic. It's not, I don't think it's going to last. I, my favorite character, these are real people.

but I love Iiana. I think she's the sweetest angel of all time. Iiana and Jared, but like, I's got that weird thing with Mallory. I don't know. Like, I've just,

I loved it. Like, I am so invested in it. Like, I really think they cast great people. And I don't really think any of the couples are doing great. I mean, it's like in the pods,

first of all, we're watching, like, we watched a proposal 40 minutes into the show. It was wild. They get to Mexico. It is chaos. Yeah.

Everyone's, like, thinking about who they could have ended up with. They're not, Sure. Then then the one girl has like a total meltdown. She won't come to that. She would she had food poisoning. She wouldn't come to the party. I thought she was hung over. But then I feel like she was, she's, she needs some more work on herself before. Like, she's not, she's deeply insecure. Totally. Yeah. You know. I just, I like the cast. I think this is chaos. I think it's ridiculous.

I like every single person. I think none of these people are going to make it. No, none. Maybe Shane and Shana. Maybe Shane and Shana will make it. And maybe Mallory and Jarrett. I don't know. Like maybe the old switch. No, I want, I... You know what's really funny is Mallory talks about being, like, insecure, which is funny because she comes out of the pod. Every dude there wants her. Yeah. She is a smoke and a half. Yeah.

She is absolutely gorgeous. Every guy's in love with her. I just, I really like these people. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't, I'm not rooting for any of them. Not together. I'm not rooting for any of them together. But I like them.

The Chicago people. The Indian couple I actually was rooting for when they got there. Okay. What is going on with them? Because he couldn't be, in her ass enough. Like, he couldn't keep his hands off of her. That was when that was happening. That's when I was texting my friends. Like, this guy is like off the chains with how horny he is. And then he said he wasn't attracted to her. What? He, by the way, that guy and his fucking dad bod talking about he's not attracted to her. And all he prioritizes is like how good looking women are.

Like he acts like he's some adonist. God's God's gift. And I do think he's a good looking guy, but he's just an average guy. Yeah, he's a good looking guy. I just, but she's a beautiful woman. But like, I don't get it. He couldn't keep his hands off of her. I thought he was, like, obsessed with her. So when he said I'm not attracted to her, also, he's telling all these guys, he was embarrassing her. I'm done, I'm done with him. I'm out on him. That's the most egregious to me is that he embarrassed her. But what do you think about? Why do you, why is he all up on her? Like, I can't keep his hands off her. I don't, I've never seen that before. I've seen, it's very clear. I think that Shana is not very physically attracted to Mark number two. Construction worker for the sexy boys. Mark Jr. Yeah. For sure. But so they're not going to be making out. And I guess maybe women and men are a little bit different. But I'm very confused. I thought he like thought she was the sexiest woman alive.

So I'll tell you what I think happened is that first of all, the newness is just exciting. The newness of any person is exciting. And she is like a knockout. She has like great hair and this great like big booty. And she, I think she's really sexy. So I think the newness of that was great. I think she started with this whole like, aren't you so excited to make babies with me? Aren't you so excited to get married to me?

Aren't you so upset? Like she was too much and I know the point of the show is to get married so like that's why you're there as to meet a person that's gonna be your partner. I just think she was like

a little more extra and he clearly was like in reality I did just meet you a couple days ago. Yeah, it's so weird though because the way he's going around telling everybody is like

I'm not physically attracted to her. I'm like, I thought that you were almost borderline creepy with how much you couldn't keep your hands off her so it just seemed like a disconnect to me but maybe he's just a fucking weirdo. Maybe he's just, my feeling is he's not like that evolved

and he's like linking the fact that she's so up his ass about like let's get here, let's have kids to also just be like, I don't know, the newness of this kind of wore off for me after I saw you the first time. So who do you think's going to make it and not? Do you think anyone? I think I think Iona and Jarrett might stay married.

I think he might forget about this Mallory stuff. And Iana is like just the sweetest, cutest, cutest angel. And I think if there's a couple I'm like betting on, I guess it would be them. I think that like they're a good testament to the fact that like you can be sexually attracted to somebody very much, but that doesn't mean they're like a long-term partner. him and her seem like a good long-term partner. Him and Mallory seem like he's very physically attracted to her now, that he has seen her, and that's exciting.

But I think he's with somebody that can be like a good partner to him. Yeah. Not that I don't think Mallory is the best because I think she's amazing. I'm wondering of her and that guy last because she did not seem to be that into it and then she like came around a little bit. I don't even care. All I care about is Iana. And then what do you think about the couple where he's kind of,

he said he's an acquired taste and then she... The toothpaste? The guy that makes his own toothpaste. And she's in the corner whispering, I'm going to swap out his toothpaste. I don't know. I can't decide. I think we're going to see it unravel more. She is, she is so deeply insecure.

Like, he even said straight up, like, if we hadn't met this way, we would not have made it. Because, like, she's coming at him. Right. You know, so. And that's, you know, I know she's been through a lot. She used to be overweight. Like, I thought that they were such a love match in the pods. And now I'm like, this feels like this could go badly.

but maybe he'll just stick with her through it, you know? I mean, I think it just speaks to the, like, you know, the age old thing of like, if you can't love yourself, you can't love another person. Like, she is, yes, she just needs to do some work on herself. Yes, I feel for her. I feel for her. I really do. But, I mean, I could, they were very, like, I think that was the couple that, like, they met, you know,

they talked for two days and they were like, you're my best friend. Like, no. What? And I feel for people that, like, I, you watch her have this, like, total meltdown of jealousy about, like, he was, she's like watching him talk to him. another girl or something at an event for Netflix essentially. Yeah. Right?

And she got really upset. Is that what she was upset about? I couldn't really tell. It didn't sound like he really did anything. She was just like, I mean, whatever. We were deep job as forever, but I don't, I can't tell about them. I don't know what's going to happen. I could see them working out and being like, we're, you know, they've committed so hard.

Like, they're the couple that are like, we're in it for life. We met two days ago and we're, you're my best friend and we're in it for life. So I could see them just still doing it. And like they're so romanticizing this idea. or I could just see it totally unraveling. So we'll see. None of these couples seem like a match to me. It seems like a nice idea and it's fun.

It's just like, I need like Lauren energy and I'm not getting any Lauren energy from anybody. So they were the ones that I thought were like Lauren and Cameron to start. But then just little things that she was saying and I was like, I think she needs a little more work on herself. 100%. So I mean, I'm going to call it.

I don't think anybody lasts. I'm going to root for Iona and Jared. Okay. Well, I'm rooting for them. I think it could work. I think it could work. She's going to give it up, though. The pussy.

I don't know. I want them to fuck, obviously. I mean, if you want to save yourself fine, but let's come on guys. It's funny like they're so sexual. Like, she saw his dick. They're like, showering together. He's dicked out. He's massaged her.

And he's like, here's my dick. And she's like, we're going to wait. But I don't know. She's like, I want to wait until marriage. Yeah. That is so funny. Well, there, yeah, there are a great couple. I'm excited to watch Shane and Natalie unravel.

Yeah. And her realize I'm too good for him. Yeah, I think she's just going to be like, this person brings out this side of me. I don't like. I feel like I gag him all the time to knock him down because he is so arrogant. She, you know, she expressed. She was like, I get stereotyped a lot. And I sound like maybe fetishized a little bit as an Asian woman.

And I think that like she was kind of able to lay in the guy that everybody seemed to want, you know. And I think it felt maybe like a bit of a conquest like we all would. You all want, everybody wants the, you know, guy that people are talking about. and I think she's like that it's going to wear off 100%. Like she thinks he's sexy. He's like the very like

all-American quarterback type but he's fucking nutcase. Those eyes are wild. That's the craziest eyes I've seen outside of Julia Fox. Sometimes he's talking and it's like he can't get the words out fast enough and his eyes start bugging out of his head.

Yeah. She's going to realize she's too intellectual for him and she's just going to be over it like a week. Yeah. Okay. So I just have one of the wreck this book that I am so obsessed with. I have been talking about it for

like a couple weeks while I've been reading it. So just want to recommend it to you guys. You're always asking me about books. It is called Seven Days in June. Basically, I went to Becca Freeman's Instagram because I wanted some new books. She's been on our podcast. Becca and Grace, they had a podcast called Bad on Paper. They've recently amicably split. They're still best friends, but Becca is going to do the podcast with another co-host. But Becca is my go-to for books. I love Grace too, but I think Beck and are a little more like fiction and I just everything she loves I love. So I went to her Instagram basically and bought five books in Amazon and it's seven days in June. It's by Tia Williams. You guys, this book, I think it's one of my top favorite books I've ever

read. I don't want to say it's like my favorite book. That's such an extreme statement, but I loved it so much. I felt so emotionally invested in it. This writer, Tia Williams is incredible. Beck and I were texting about her like, I wish I could just like steal her brain. It's incredible. It's a love story. I don't want to give too much away. I mean, it's this, this man and this woman, they met when they were in high school, and they're both writers, and they basically have a second chance of love. And it takes place mostly in New York. If you're in New York, you're going to love it even that much more. But it is an emotional rollercoaster. I don't want to give any hint, whether they end together or not. But regardless, it's like the best read. I mean, I was like just emotional the entire time.

She is just such an incredible writer and storyteller. And this is like truly one of my favorite books. She has more books, too. But you guys got to get on this. If you read the idea of you, this isn't like it's similar but like that book was so I felt so emotional about it too and if you guys love that I do think you'll like this different story different type of characters but I don't know why I just feel a similar like

some kind of way about it like after I read the idea of you I'm like what could fill this hole in my heart after this book and like this would definitely do it so that is my wreck all right and then I continue to wreck righteous gemstones on HBO every single week and someday it'll get people will latch on to it

it's one of my favorite shows people like it right? Yeah, it's incredible. I mean, it's an HBO show. It's Danny McBride. It's an evangelical church family that acts really crazy. The casting is incredible. You guys, it's a light, really funny watch on HBO.

All right, guys, we have a really special guest today. We are so excited. He is one of America's leading psychiatrists and brain health experts. He is the founder of Aeman Clinics with 10 locations across the United States. He is a 12-time New York Times bestselling author and the co-host of the Brain Warriors Way podcast. You've seen him literally everywhere at the Today's show. Good Morning America. The View.

And now this podcast, please welcome to the show at Dr. Daniel Aman. Thank you so much. Hi. Thank you for being here. I'm so glad to have you. Well, let's get happy. I love happiness. Tell us what to do.

Share the secret to happiness. How can I be happy? So you specialize in brain health and your newest book is about happiness. And I'm currently reading it. And I found a lot of really amazing and useful information in it. So we would just love to talk about your work and how you got into it. And then, of course, the book. Well, thank you so much.

So I'm a husband. And that's a huge source of happiness for me. I'm a father, which is a little terrifying, but also a huge source of happiness. I have six kids, three adopted, and five grandchildren. and Americans are the unhappiest they've been since the Great Depression. So I'm a psychiatrist and the pandemic tripled depression in the United States. I mean, that's insane. Doubled anxiety disorders in depression in children,

doubled suicide in teenagers. And as I was thinking about, I love to write. It's my 42nd book. All these numbers. I'm like six kids, 42 books. Like what is going on? It's like, what do I want to spend a year thinking about? And there's a lot of books on happiness. But they're missing like big components. And what we do at Amen clinics is we actually look at the brain. So if you came to our clinic and you said, I'm anxious, I have ADD, I can't shut my mind off. Well, the first thing we are, would do is look at your brain. It's like, well, how do I know? You know, is it an attitude problem? Is it a personality issue or what? And so over the last 30 years, we have built the world's largest database of brain scans related to behavior. Over 200,000 scans on people from 150 countries. So when I talk about it, it's not based on 50 people. I study. And the big, huge,

missing piece of happiness is the brain. So the actual physical functioning of your brain. And if your brain's not right, you're not going to be right. And for this book, I did a study of 500 consecutive patient's statement clinics, and we gave them the Oxford Happiness questionnaire, and then we looked at their brains. And the people who are happier had better brain function, especially, in the front third of their brain. It's an area called the prefrontal cortex. And when it was healthy, people tended to be happier, which is why you should never let your child hit a soccer ball with their head.

Because if you damage the front part of the brain, they're going to have a higher incidence of depression. Oh, my God. I was like, wow, I didn't see that coming. I know. I played soccer, but I wasn't good. I could barely head the ball. It wasn't an issue.

I actually ran away from the ball. You know, what I think is so interesting about what you do is that, you know, therapy, you could only sort of therapize what somebody tells you is their own experience. And I've always thought it's so interesting that, you know, one person reacts to the same situation differently than somebody else does. So they have extreme anxiety about something versus another person. I always say I don't really suffer from any type of anxiety. But so much of it is just the brain, I guess.

and parts of it being more hyperactive than other people's brains in that area? Is that sort of what you do a little bit? Like when you image somebody's brain? Well, yes, we look at all of your brain. And the scans we do called spec, basically tell us three things. Good activity, too little or too much.

And then our job is to balance it. And without looking, How would I know should I calm your brain or stimulate it? And, you know, no other medical doctor acts like psychiatrists do. No other medical specialty makes diagnoses based on symptoms with no biological data. So if you think about it, psychiatrists really make diagnosis like they did in 1840 when Lincoln was depressed. And I love Lincoln, funny, super smart, and he failed a lot and then was wildly successful. Well, he had major depression and was suicidal at least twice in his life.

And in the winter of 1840, he went to see his doctor. And how did Anson Henry, his doctor, diagnosed Lincoln with depression? He talked to him. He looked at him. He looked for symptom clusters and then diagnosed and treated him. That's exactly what's happening in 2022 across the world. And in my mind, and I'm a psychiatrist, so I know how to diagnose insanity, that's insane.

Because how do you know if it's not a head injury? Or how do you know if it's not because you live in a mold-filled home? Or how do you know it's because your brain works too hard or not hard enough? So, for example, with COVID, I have hundreds of COVID scans. COVID tends to activate or inflame the limbic or emotional part of your brain. And so people get COVID. 20% of them will have a new onset psychiatric diagnosis within the next five months.

And it's like, why is that? Is it because we're isolated? Is it because we're fighting among each other as a society, you're backs, or not? and nobody's looking at it's causing inflammation in the emotional centers of your brain, and we need to settle that sucker down. What are the main things that activate or deactivate or, you know, I mean, obviously we can talk about meds, diet, alcohol, is it environmental factors? Is it all of those things?

Like, if you look at somebody and say, this is going, quote, unquote, wrong in your brain, where do we even start to change? our brain. So, and you happier. I talk about the seven neuroscience secrets of happiness nobody's talking about. And the first one is you have to know your brain type, which we'll talk about. The second one, you have to get your brain right. Because if your brain's not healthy, you are not going to be happy. And there's a mnemonic I use and talk about in the book called Bright Minds. You want to keep your brain healthy or rescue it if it's headed for trouble. You have to prevent or treat the 11 major risk factors. So just to highlight a couple of them, the B in Bright

Minds is for blood flow. Low blood flow is the number one brain imaging predictor of depression and Alzheimer's disease. So what lowers blood flow to the brain? Alcohol, marijuana, caffeine. nicotine, not exercising, having hypertension, being overweight, having any form of heart disease. And it's like, oh, we have to love your blood vessels because it's your blood vessels. Your brain is 2% of your body's weight, but it gets 20% of the blood flow in your body. And you increase it with exercise. I just finished working out. you increase it with certain foods like beets and cayenne pepper,

rosemary, oregano, and certain supplements like Genco and Phineposate. So it's basically these three big strategies for brain help. Love your brain. It's a term I call brain envy. Freud was wrong. Penis envy is not the cause of any of anything. problem. I have not seen it once in 40 years. And it's brain envy. You've got to like love your brain. It just came out that I've been Bella Hadid's doctor. And I just, I adore her. You know, she's so

beautiful. Well, the goal is to get her brain to be beautiful to. And nobody's thinking about that. that this is really beauty from the inside out. But when your brain is healthier, I have a friend as a therapist, and he always says no for thought equals no for play, right? It's the decisions that you make that bring love to you or push love away. Another one of the bright minds factors that completely shocked me was the D is diabetes. that being overweight and having high blood sugar shrinks your brain. And so I published three studies that show as your weight goes up,

the actual physical size and function of your brain goes now. And so we know obesity and diabetes are disastrous, but 72% of Americans are overweight. 42% of Americans are obese. no wonder that with COVID, the U.S. has 4% of the world's population, but 15% of the world's deaths. Why? Because we are sick as a society. And I so wish the CDC would have come out and said, you really want to live through this pandemic. You need to get healthy. But we didn't do that. We isolated people. And I don't want to get into.

political stuff, but we could have done way better with this by working to get people healthy. I mean, we've always been sick, though. Like, you know, it's just like, that's the plight of America. It's obesity, the sickness, it's a big farm. I mean, we're the sickest country, I mean, a developed country. So, I mean, I could talk about this forever. We're not going to go down the road today. But like, when it comes to health, I mean, I can feel myself getting unhappier when I drink too much. I'm not eating right. I haven't exercised a while. Like, I can feel it in my brain. I mean, it just, this isn't a hot take. This is literally, we've been talking about this whole time. But I'm especially sensitive to it. And Raina telling Raina all the time, like, I got to get my mind right. I got to go to yoga.

I got to, you know, have a salad. Like, I will literally eat a big meal and be like, I'm sad. So I want to connect what you said with something that you said. And I think it's like, I find it so special to talk about it, which is that like you mentioned Bella Hadid. And I won't actually, I I want to ask you to elaborate on your therapy with her, but you say in your book, I treat celebrities and the most beautiful famous rich people in the world that I treat are some of the most unhappy I've ever met. And I think we're all chasing this idea of like fame and money and beauty that we think is going to make us happy. And instead, I love talking about things that will physically lead to being happier like exercise diet, not drinking as much. Because like getting the

rays being skinnier, getting the Botox is not going to fix what's on the inside. And so much of what you talk about is just the inside. So I just, I find it so interesting. Yeah. No, I've been blessed to see some just amazing people. And it's interesting, you know, secret number five in the book is master your mind and gain psychological distance from the noise in your head. And such a common theme among incredibly accomplished people is I am not enough. I'm like, really? And I'm like, if you're not enough, who has any chance of being enough? And I remember during the Olympics the past summer, I wrote, because the Olympics are a prescription for unhappiness. Because whenever you have to be the best, it means you have to beat other people.

That's a prescription for unhappiness. but when you want to be your best, that's a prescription for happiness because you can help other people be their best too. In fact, that's how you become your best by hanging out with people who are better than you are. And some of my Olympians have been just some of the most unhappy people because of this mindset of I have to beat you. And that separates. us from each other where happiness is when we come together. The idea and the prayer of St. Francis, it's better to give than receive. It's absolutely true, which goes to secret number seven, live each day based on clearly defined values, purpose, and goals. And each of these secrets

have a question, you know, because I try to make things as simple as possible. Like, does it fit? does this behavior fit the goals I have for my life? So if one of your goals, one of my goals is be happy, the alcohol doesn't fit because it may make you feel good now, but for certain, not later. And I always want you to engage in behaviors that make you feel good now and later. And so when you do yoga, that helps you feel good now and later. When you eat a salad, right? I mean, there's so many wonderful, healthy, creative ways to put a salad together. Well, that helps me feel good now.

Love the crunch. And later, my energy is good. But if I have that plate of pasta at lunch or a burger and fries, which just jacked up my blood sugar and then 30 minutes later dropped it, now my brain's going through mud. And, you know, we live in this four-year-old mindset of I want what I want when I want it. And in the book, I talk about the one thing that's going to make you happy. It's when you do the right thing, stop feeling deprived. It's when you do the wrong thing. That's when you should feel deprived.

Drew Carey, the famous comic who lost a whole bunch of weight and kept it off. He said, and I love this, eating crappy food isn't a reward. It's a punishment. And when I heard him say that, I'm like, oh, he gets it. He's going to stay. healthy because you have to get your mindset right that when you do the right thing for your hell, that's when you should praise yourself. Too often, oh, you know, I went to the party and I didn't have anything to drink. And then your four-year-old takes over in your body, your four-year-old takes over and says,

no, I want what I want when I want it. And it's like, come on, you need to discipline yourself, right? children who you just give them everything they want grow up to be entitled and unhappy, that they need to be able to say no to themselves. And then of course, I mean, there's people who do all the right things. You know, they work out, they eat healthy, they take care of their bodies and they're still unhappy. I mean, obviously there's people who have childhood trauma and everybody is a different story, but where do we even start there?

I mean, is that when we get into the different types of the brains? Well, the first thing is how healthy is your brain. We know that childhood trauma activates the limbic or emotional brain, and people begin to see the world through a scary lens. And so they have a much higher negativity bias because it protected them when they were young. And so there's a whole section in the book on positivity bias training. It's we have to train our minds. And I'm a huge fan of therapy. I love therapy when your brain works right.

So I think of it's sort of like hardware and software. If the hardware is not right, childhood trauma, you had a head injury, you lived in a mold-filled home and you've had toxic exposure. Got to get your brain right first, right? You can't program a computer where the hardware is not functioning properly. So optimize the physical functioning of your brain and then you can program it. And that's why getting your brain right is such an important foundational concept. Okay. Absolutely.

So if we're sort of at a place where we're like, okay, I'm dealing with my trauma, I'm eating healthy, maybe I suffer. Let's focus on like anxiety just for a second. I suffer from extreme anxiety. Are there certain things that you would recommend? And I mean, obviously there's different theories on medication, but is there anything else you would say in terms of like meditation? Well, it's like don't reach for medicine first. Now, I'm a psychiatrist and I'm really good with drugs. But it's never the first thing I think about, especially for anxiety. Because the benzos, clonopens, Xanax, out of band, Valium, they're addictive.

And if you start them, they're just really hard to stop. And one of my guidance. principles is never start something that you're going to have trouble stopping. But they're passed out like candy in our society. And so if you're anxious, let's just say you have a panic disorder. The first thing is don't leave, right? Because often people start feeling panicky and then they leave the party. It's like, no, don't leave. Because if you leave, the panic's going to control your behavior. The second thing is breathe. And I teach people a very specific pattern of breathing that can cause almost an immediate relaxation response in the body. Four seconds in, hold it for a second, eight seconds out. Hold it for a second. You do that for three minutes,

it's going to get oxygen to your brain and you're going to settle down. The third thing is write down whatever negative thought you have. I call them ants, automatic negative thoughts, the thoughts that come into your mind automatically and ruin your day. There's nowhere in school where they teach us not to believe every stupid thing we think. And quite frankly, I was 28 years old and in my psychiatric residency, the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. And one of our professors said that and I'm like, really? I don't have to believe the thoughts that run through my head. Oh my God. You know, like you're not enough or you're less than or whatever the negative thoughts are. And one of the exercises in the book is write down a hundred of your worst thoughts and then I give them a process to take them through.

It's so helpful. And then the fourth thing, so don't leave, breathe, write down your negative thoughts and challenge them. And there's a whole group of supplements that help calm down anxiety. We just released a new one I love called Calm My Brain, which has Ashwaganda, theane, magnesium. I mean, like, let's go to the natural things that calm our brains before we go on an addictive substance that negatively impacts your memory that you're going to have stuff. You're going to have trouble. Stop it. It's like, why isn't this more common? And it's because the pharmaceutical industry literally hijacks psychiatry. So the psychiatrists now have the 15-minute med check. And they're really about, you know, what drugs can I prescribe you to get you out of my office

and get you back in a month for 15 minutes for $300. I mean, it's insanity what's happening when there's simple things. Now, sometimes you might need medicine, but it's just not the first thing to do without doing the right strategies. Like, how's your diet? I tell the story in the book of almost all my patients who struggle with mental health challenges. I want them to go on an elimination diet. For a month, let's just eliminate gluten, dairy, corn, soy, artificial dyes and sweeteners and chemicals you can't pronounce for a month.

And when I get people to do it, like half of them are better. And I'm like, well, why don't do that first? And I had this one guy who had been depressed for 30 years, had electric sheds. shock therapy multiple times was on every antidepressant he failed and his brain was not healthy. I'm like, let's do this first. And he felt better within like three weeks. And I was so happy. And so we added back gluten. Nothing happened. We added back dairy. Nothing happened. We added back corn. He said within 20 minutes, he had a vision of a gun in his mouth pulling the trigger. And I'm like, seems like we have to break up with corn.

I'm doing that by dog right now. We're doing the elimination diet with his to figure out he's allergic to. But he's itching. I don't think he's depressed. But I mean, it's so true like hallucinogenic. It's like one of my best girlfriends, we kind of came to this.

She said she was like when I eat cheese, I get sad. And it sounds like a crazy thing to say. But I don't know. I eat too much cheese. I start to get really. I start to feel. I don't eat too much dairy. It makes her sad in the morning.

If I eat one morning, if we were having, a great morning. We were in San Francisco. I had cheese and eggs for breakfast and I got so low. And I was like, this sounds crazy. I'm not putting dairy in my body first thing in the morning ever again. I have it here and there. And that's a sign of intelligent life. And what I want my patients to do is just pay attention to what works and what doesn't work. And so many of my patients have autoimmune disorders. And I'm like, so why is your immune system mad at you? Right? You have a war going on in your body. Are you going to give the other side enemy, you know, ammunition to hurt you? And it's like, let's just pay attention. Let's pay attention to our thoughts, to our breathing, to our food,

to the nutrients that we put in our bodies. I just, I want to go back to one thing you said. And then we can move on. I love that you said that just because you had a, just because you think something doesn't make it true. And Ashley and I always say, just because someone else thinks something about it doesn't make it true. But why wouldn't you also apply that to yourself? If you know that you're prone to anxiety, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, thinking that you're not good enough, that doesn't make it true. And I love that like you, I mean, I feel like it just unlocks a lot of confidence for people to say that. Absolutely. And one of the techniques in the book, actually one of my favorite techniques in this book is give your mind a name.

And so secret number five is master your mind and gain psychological distance from the noise in your head. And I interviewed on our podcast, The Brain Warrior's Way, Dr. Stephen Hayes, and he was talking about this technique. And I'm like, so what name what I give my mind? And it came to me almost instantly. I had a pet raccoon when I was 16. And she was a troublemaker. She teaped my mother's bathroom. She ate all the fish out of my sister's aquarium. She named raccoon poo in my shoes.

And her name was- Why wasn't she in a cage? No, they live free. They're like, because she was my pet. She was awesome. I loved her. But she was a troublemaker just like my mom. mind. So I named my mind Hermie, that was her name, after my pet raccoon. And now I just sort of

watch my thoughts. And if you can watch your thoughts, you don't have to attach to them. And every once in a while, I just sort of check in with her. I'm like, so how's it going? And most of the time, she purrs or chitters or does what raccoons do. And, you know, she loves me. I love her. But sometimes, you know, she'll say these rude comments to me. Or, you know, like with my wife, that's secret number six. Notice what you like about other people more than what you don't. And my brain protects me from saying those rude comments that she has about my wife. I love you your brain is a woman, by the way.

That's so funny. I mean, it's... Well, I have five sisters and five daughters. Oh, my God. A lot of... I have a lot of estrogen. Female energy. I just also like that just watching your brain, like almost from the outside.

Like, what are we doing here? Like, Rayne and I recently just had a situation where we just pulled into the city and, like, we just felt sad. And we kind of traced it back to some stuff that had happened recently with guys. And we're like, we're really, really still out here getting upset about guys. But it was just the weather and we were cold and we were like, ugh. And we both were like checked in with each other. Like, why do we feel like this? Our life is great.

we're performing tonight. We're doing, everything is great. You know, let's try to pinpoint this and then shift it. You know, I personally had to go like run on the hotel treadmill, like whatever. I don't know what Raina did herself talk. And it just was like recognizing it, checking and figuring out why we're feeling like this. Can we do this on our own? Can we just change the way?

Can we change our thoughts and get into a happier gratitude, all that stuff? And then can we do this physically? And we were better. I mean, I think it just, it was like watching it from the outside. Like, why are we going? Why are we sinking into this dark place and can we crawl out of it? A hundred percent. And I always say, like, I am not somebody who suffers from anxiety.

No one's less anxious than I am. I'm just, it's not a part of my brain that's activated. I just, I think I'm appropriately stressed out when I need to be. I think I feel appropriately guilty when I need to feel guilty for something. I try to live my life as a good person. But I think one of the reasons I don't suffer from anxiety is that like when I feel anxious, I need to name the thing. I need to identify it.

I need to address it. And then I move on with my day. And I think it's a good piece of advice. Like Asch said, we were just like, why do we feel like this? I figured it out. I identified it. I dealt with it internally. I moved down with my day.

So if you used a journal about it or something like that. No, I love that. And, you know, people have the idea they shouldn't feel anxious. Well, people who have low levels of anxiety die early from accidents and preventable illnesses. I'm going to die. And so the don't worry, be happy people. That's actually one of the lies of happiness. Now, what you said is that you're appropriately anxious.

A lot of people have the feeling they shouldn't be anxious. And it's like, what's the right dose of anxiety so you don't drive at 125 miles an hour down the highway and the rain? Or you don't just give your phone number to a guy you just met because you don't know if he's a stalker. or not, or you just hop in the sack with somebody without really knowing how this person is going to affect your mental and physical health. It's just you want a little bit of anxiety, so it helps you make good decisions. Too much causes you to suffer. And that's bad. So it's like, what's the appropriate dose in our brain types? I want to make sure we have time to talk about them because they're so interesting.

Let's get into it. And then let's relate them to romantic relationships too. So one, when I started looking at the brains, I'm like, oh, everybody's different. Some people have busy brains. Some people have sleepy brains. So they're five primary types. One is balanced. Almost anything will make them happy.

Two is spontaneous. Ignorance is the last thing. They have sleepy frontal lobes. that's my ADD group, and they need novelty. If they pick a religion, they don't pick being Lutheran or Catholic, because it's the same, like virtually all the time. When they go to church, it's the same. They're more likely to pick like Pentecostal or evangelical.

I mean, they just, they need entertainment, this type. Type three, they pick being Catholic because they love routine. They love ritual. Type 2, spontaneous, love surprises. Type 3, hates surprises. Don't surprise them because you'll make them anxious and mad. Type 4 is sensitive. They make great therapists.

The pandemic was so hard on them because they need connection and isolation makes them very sad. And type 5 is cautious. They're anxious. And some anxiety is good. they generally live with too much. And what I often see when I do marital therapy is a spontaneous person is married with a

persistent person that they sort of like, oh, they're so different for me and that's what attracted them to each other. And then they hate each other because the spontaneous person doesn't pick up the laundry when they said they would. And if you hurt the persistent person's feelings, they'll remember it. for decades. Wait, what are these five times? Hold on. Like busy, sleepy, cautious, sensitive. So balanced, where they have a pretty healthy brain, spontaneous. That's where they have sleepy frontal lobes, persistent, their frontal lobes actually work too hard. Sensitive,

their emotional brain is very busy and cautious. Their anxiety centers are busy. So why is the sleepy? Why is the sleepy? why is it spontaneous and the front is sleepy? Okay, so I know why and I'll tell you, okay, so the frontal lobe controls. I will tell you, doctor,

the frontal lobe controls like your perceptors of like danger, what is safe, what is dangerous, how to behave. That's why when we start to drink, that's the first thing that gets flooded so your inhibitions drop. So somebody who has a spontaneous brain,

that part of their brain is not as active as somebody else's. They're not as like tone, tuned in to why are those like the crazy adventures hellas skiing always need to be drive you know race car drivers all that okay right and in a relationship that you know they are more likely to have affairs that they need things spiced up and they need novelty if you're with a persistent person who likes to have sex on Tuesday morning and Sunday morning and that's sort of how we do it it just makes them crazy and they end up fussing about it because they need novelty. And a lot of the research on

happiness, they say novelty is associated with happiness, right, for type two. And it's associated with sadness and fear and anxiety for type three and type five. And so it's like know your type and know what makes you uniquely happy every day. And this typing thing has been so helpful for me in who I hire. Like, if I'm a CEO and I tend to be spontaneous, please don't hire another spontaneous person because the IRS is going to come find you. Is you need a little person who's like anxious and persistent. And they'll be a great assistant for you. And so just now what makes you happy. And there's a fun thing I talk about in the book called the micro moments of happiness. So when you guys were happy, when you guys were in a funk, if you just had a list of 10 little tiny

things that make you happy and focus on them, it's likely to shift your mindset. So for me, Like, I love hummingbirds, and I have hummingbirds in my garden, and I see them, and that's a micro moment of happiness. Or I look in my wife's eyes, and I love her eyes, and I'm like, whoa, a little squirt of dopamine and happiness. Or I make a brain healthy hot chocolate every night from my family. And the first sip would just love it. And it's a micro moment. So if you stop looking for the big things, because they wear out your pleasure centers, right. So as I work with people like Miley Cyrus, who I adore, she and I've known each other for

11, 12 years now, fame wears out the pleasure centers of your brain. And so she's really good at protecting her pleasure centers and sleeping and eating right and then looking for the little things that bring her joy. I really love that. I mean, and Rain and I, you know, we do these big shows for thousands of people and they're wild. And like, of course, it's just like, you know, dopamine hit after. It's huge. It's big. It's insane. It's crazy. I can, I guess I can see a world in which that's all, you need that all the time. You know, I think sometimes it's people that do comedy. They have to do it every night. They have to have a room full of people laughing in order to feel worthy or, yeah, or normal where I find pleasure in like small things, you know, and I can

like look forward to a night where I'm just cooking dinner and like watching a TV show I like, as opposed to not needing the thing that's going to wear it out. Right. So you want to protect your pleasure centers. And that's why hedonism is the enemy of happiness. And too many of these managers, they wear out these young superstars. And so I'm in Justin Bieber's docu-series seasons. And when he first came to me, I mean, he was a mess.

But if you just look at, he goes on a world tour. And then after the performance, you know, drinking, doing drugs, playing video games, not sleeping, you just look at, okay, he wore out his pleasure centers. And now he just damaged them. And it's like, oh, we have to build these back up. And not just for famous people. If you just think my daughter was just at TCU, Texas Christian University. And when you listen to the party after party, the lack of sleep, the stress overperforming school, these kids are wearing out their pleasure center.

She said like more than half the kids vapped. And after a semester of that is like, you need to come home because this is like, I'm not okay with spending that kind of money with you being around a bunch of fools. damaging their brain. And there's not enough parents who go, your brain's not going to be finished developing until you're 25 years old. And often the first or second year in college

is when suicide spikes among college students because they're wearing out. They're normal pleasure centers. And when you turn them off, you don't do drugs to feel hot. you do drugs to feel normal. Yeah, wow. I mean, I've always said that about famous kids.

This isn't, it's too much too young. I've even said that about kids that grow up in New York City. And they're going to clubs at 16. And I'm like, I like that you put into words for me. I don't, I didn't know this. You know, it's just, it's too much too soon. And how do you go back to normal? Justin said something so wonderful to me.

And like many stars, you know, sometimes. he'd show up and sometimes he wouldn't. Sometimes he'd do what I say and most of the time he wouldn't. But then he came in my office one day and he looked at me and he said, my brain is an organ, like my heart is an organ. He said, I think I get what you're trying to tell me. My brain is an organ, like my heart is an organ. If you told me I had heart disease, I'd do everything you said. He said, I'm going to start doing everything you say. And I think he's, got nominated for like three Grammys this year. I'm so proud

of him. We're a huge fan. We're proud of him too. He did that, but he took the guidance and the coaching. Because a lot of them, you know, come and they're like, no, I'm not giving them marijuana. No, I'm not giving up alcohol. I mean, at some point,

you have to hurt enough to want to change, right? People don't change generally unless there's pain. I mean, some people change because they're like super smart. And I'm like, well, of course I want a better brain. But a lot of people won't change until they really feel the pain.

And the reason I adore them is they have such big followings that my goal is to create a revolution in brain health. I hate the term mental illness. It shames people. It stigmatizes people. It makes people not want to get. health, and quite frankly, they're not mental health issues. They're brain health issues. So my goal is to end mental illness by creating a revolution in brain health, which is why I'm grateful you guys are helping me do that. Well, I love this very simple idea of just make a list of 10

really small things that make you happy. And I watched this documentary. I just had to look up how old it was. It's called Happy. It's from 2011. And I, I, I, I, I picked up some really interesting things from it. You talk about some similar things in your book that I think are fascinating, that, you know, in the societies where people have the most stuff, like the most money, they're so career-focused. Fame and beauty is so important, like in America, they talk about China and Japan, that those are some of those unhappy nations.

And in nations where people have the least, where they prioritize family, sitting down together for dinner, seeing their neighbors a lot, that those are some of the happiest nations. and these little things that make us happy, like sitting down to dinner with your parents and your family is what leads to so much happiness. So if that's on your list, like what a beautiful thing. Because things like getting a little bit thinner won't necessarily...

Getting more followers. Yeah, getting more followers. And what you said, things that are really attainable today right this minute also help. So this sip of hot chocolate before you go to bed. So I just, I want to give credit to what you said, because I think this idea of this like very small list, of small attainable things is so helpful. Thank you.

So seven simple things, right? Know your brain type. And then do things that make you happy. Get your brain right. So you just ask yourself, is this good for my brain or bad for it? And know the list. Supplement your brain.

There are some supplements that go with happiness, especially saffron, is my favorite supplement. Four is love food that loves you back. You're in a relationship with food. Is it a good relationship or is an abusive relationship? But, you know, I've one woman once say I'd rather get Alzheimer's disease than give up sugar. That's an abusive relationship.

Five is master your mind and gain psychological distance from the noise in your head. Six is notice what you like about others more than what you don't. And seven live each day with clearly defined values, purpose, and goals. And those things, you'll be 30. percent happier in 30 days. I love that. And I feel like maybe the thing that relates to romantic relationships the most, if there's one, is it like number six, like seeing what you like in others? And really, it's the whole thing. And the book, I argue in the introduction that happiness is a moral obligation because of how you impact others. And I grew up Roman Catholic. And that idea was nowhere to

be found when I was a child, that happiness is a moral obligation. But if you think of it, ask anyone who is raised by an unhappy parent or married to an unhappy spouse, whether or not happiness is an ethical issue. And I assure you they will say yes. So working on happiness is likely to dramatically improve your relationships. This is great. We love any kind of tangible ways instead of, you know, these amalchemists, you know. Anyways, tangible ways to be happy, which is fantastic. I'm reading your book. I love it.

I think it's full of really great, interesting tips. So I'm sure people will want to buy it, tell people when it comes out, where to find you on Instagram, your website, you have a million resources and books. So where can people find you? Thank you. YouHappier.com. They can also get some amazing free gifts, including our 30-day happiness challenge, and a bottle of happy saffron, one of my favorite supplements.

So you happier.com. They can follow me at Doc Amon, doc underscore amen on Instagram, or learn about our clinics at Amen. Amen, Amen, like the last word in the prayer, clinics.com. And then the book comes out March 1st. Is that what you said? We have an advanced copy. That's why I'm reading it.

But March 1st, it comes out. So you guys can grab it very, very soon. Yeah. Thank you again so much for talking. talking with us today. Thank you. This was so great. And you guys know where to find us. You can find everything at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com, tour dates, tickets, episodes. We will have New March coming soon. We promise. And you can follow us on Instagram at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. I am Ash Hess on Instagram. Raina is reina.combe. And we're Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. And we'll see you

next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.