Girls Gotta Eat - How to Confront Him (Without Going Crazy)

Episode Date: March 19, 2018

In the previous episode, we discussed signs he may be a cheater. In this episode, we tell you what to do once you've confirmed the infidelity. But don't worry, we lighten this darker topic with plenty of overshares from our own personal lives plus an explicit game of Never Have I Ever. Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you have found the proof and you're like this relationship is over, this is the final time, fucking light him on fire. Smash that laptop, girl. Create a fake Instagram account, tag his girlfriend in the photos. No, fuck you. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat Podcast. Thanks for coming back. Thank you.

I am all out of material, so shut up. I was thinking, like, what is the anecdote I'm going to use this week to like, Am I how the tables have turned? What do I have to talk to? I don't have anything to say. I'm fresh out of ideas. Right, you're fired. Oh, what's the quote?

You're going to be fired if you don't start fucking more. It's good that you keep me alive. Yeah, keep me alive. Do you have things to say? You'll think of something. Yeah. Still hanging out with a 24-year-old. I learned his name today.

He learned his name because he just FaceTimed. He just FaceTimed. mean, I looked so bad. Oh, let me just interrupt her. I would never answer a FaceTime looking like this. And then we got off the FaceTime, and we're talking about how guys like jerk off to pictures of you and stuff like that. And I was like, you think he just got off to the way I looked on the FaceTime?

I was like, no, he looked up something else so that you forget. He lives to forget. He's like, oh, I've got to shake that off. You are beautiful. Not on the inside. I'm whatever I'm yeah I work from home I to do all look pretty right now also I thought I would come here and work from home but I came here at two o'clock to start recording and it's 545 yeah that's that's how much work ash and I get done together but yeah we I kind of wanted to share this with you I hadn't told you yet I we hung out like a few nights ago and um well we were you and I were hanging out and then I was like oh we're right by his place I left to go text to ex-boy for friend and Ashley left to sleep with somebody. Yeah, it was like, you know, it was late. It was like to fall in midnight or one o'clock. And I was like, hey, what are you doing? He was like wondering

why you're not here. I'm like, okay, see you soon. So we went over there and we were going to watch a show and we were going to watch Black Mirror, like a few episodes because I've been telling him about it. What time of the night was this? It was like, I don't know, one in the morning. Sure. So you make plans to watch a show at one in the morning. Let's start binge watching something. Why not? That's when I start watching shows. So we were going to watch Black Mirror, just a few episodes, which is just not sexy. It's terrifying, but I told him about it. So we're trying to log into it. He has like a nice fancy Apple TV or whatever. And I'm like, oh, it's on HBO. So we're trying to log in. It's not on HBO. It takes 15 minutes. I had to reset my password the whole thing. I'm kind of drunk.

He is so, he's getting so annoyed, but it's so early that he can't express that, you know? So we log in HBO. And I'm like, oh, it's on Netflix. Sorry. So go hold the process again. How to reset my password? forgot all the things. And he's like, you're just here for sex. Why are we doing? Why are we trying so hard? I'm trying to Netflix and chill. So now he has access to my HBO now and my Netflix. Oh, you are in a relationship, my dear. We're basically engaged. Wow. I'm like, you're welcome for the full entertainment experience and I don't just mean the fucking like what? You guys should get an you need to get an account on the knot.com. You need to start like planning fertility treatments. You guys are in a I'm like, do you want my Hulu too or you want to like log into my spectrum cable?

Like anything else you need? Right. You know, the greatest gift in X ever gave me was that when we stopped sleeping together, I still use his mom's HBO go. And that is the greatest gift you can give someone. But I'm like, I can't believe this motherfucker has my HBO and my Netflix right now. Yeah, you're dating. You guys should just move in together.

All right. Well, I said I was going to marry this year. So here we are. Here we are. Oh, la la la. Well, Rainy, you do kind of. have a crush. Okay. So that I met. This same night, this earlier in the night. Oh my God. Is that the same night? We lived a long night. We lived a hundred lives that night. Yeah.

We went to like four places. We went out to dinner. Then I texted somebody. I used to be engaged. We did record a podcast. We recorded a podcast. But basically we went to this restaurant. This guy is, is an owner, manager or whatever. Basically, like, I get invited to a lot of places for my Instagram account to promote stuff. So I met this guy through that. and he texts me sort of a lot. I think he's one of the owners. I don't know. Yeah. Seems he's very important.

Everybody knows who he is. So he texts me all the time. Like, when we hang out, when we hang out, I thought that he liked me. And then I realized that he only invites me to hang out when it's at his restaurant. He's like, can you promote my restaurant? Can you promote my restaurant? Like, I'm like, oh, he's so cute and like Jewish and adorable.

He's cute. I love his vibe. Well, you know, you liked the last guy I liked, too. I'm so wrong. I'm so wrong. I'm so wrong. I'm all of them. Anyway, so I go in there and I'm like, he's so cute and I introduce him to Ashley. This is how good of a friend Ashley is.

A few nights later, Ashley goes back to this bar. By the way, it's a bar slash nightlife spot. So there's a line wrapped around the building and I just drop his name and like waltz right in. Ashley walks right up to the front all bold. Like, I know the owner. Throw my coat. And they're like, oh, please, Mrs. Heschel time. Please.

Right this way. honestly was like that. But anyway, then I wake up in the morning. It was a text on my phone like four o'clock in the morning from Ashley was like, I ended up at this place and I just want you to know I'm like creeping on your man as if I have some claim to this guy who clearly is not interested in me. Like that's how good of a friend I am that Rain is man who isn't her man. I find myself at his bar and I'm like, I don't want her to think anything's going on because I posted on Instagram and stuff. Like I posted a story and I'm just like, keep your distance. Like so loyal. I can't believe he probably.

He's the same for me. He probably heard this and was like, I can't believe how bad she's cock-blocking me. Telling her friends not to sleep with me. But yeah, I think this is a nice segue. Our loyalty and how honest we are with each other. To talk about disloyalty this week. Yeah. So we want to follow up to last week.

Last week's episode focused on ways to find out if you are either the other woman or maybe your man's cheating. And we opened the fuck boy floodgates without. one because we have had everybody, so many people have come forward with stories and saying how relatable that episode was. And geez, I posted it on my Facebook, like just kind of looking for stories and got so many and so heartbreaking and horrifying stories. Like, it's just, essentially, we've been talking about it even more. That's why we wouldn't do a follow-up episode. Yeah. And I think the amazing thing that I just really took from it is like everybody I know has a story like this. Like, if you have a story where you might have been the other woman or you've been

cheated on, you're not alone. Like, the people that, like, the people that, like, the people that, like the floodgates actually said that it opened up are these women that are like boss bitchings. Beautiful, baller, brilliant, all the piece. Women, like, there is no type. There's no type of woman that gets cheated on consistent. It's just like, one of my friends, like, I'm like scared of her. You know what I mean? She's a trainer.

She's like a badass and like horrifying cheating story, you know? So one of the questions from few people that they said, okay, great. So now I suspect these things. What do I do? I've caught the person basically. and what's the follow-up? What do I do? So Ashley and I actually took a little time this week to not just draw up on our own history of being insane people, but to really research.

Geniuses. I've done some crazy shit. Let's be honest. We really, really researched, you know, if you catch somebody doing these things, what are the next steps? How do you follow up with this? We read some great books, some good texts. We consulted. And we have plenty of knowledge ourselves.

and our masses of girlfriends. Between the two of us, we have a ton of amazing and incredible and smart girlfriends and all of them dealt with us. And I think we've been able to, yeah, like you said, draw upon our own experiences. And I think a lot of these things happen maybe when you're a little bit younger. And, you know, when I was with somebody who I was living with, it was cheating on me. As I said, last week, frequently cheating on me. Wait, hold on. Please stop talking. You already just fucked it up again. Last week, Raina said she found someone fragrantly cheating on her. And I'm going through and editing the podcast and I'm like this bitch. She knew it right afterwards. You were like, I said fragrant. I meant flagrant.

Like he's spraying me down with a perfume hose. Like that's his offense. He's just spraying me everywhere. Chanel number five. He's like spraying her with your perfume. That's how you fragrantly treat. And I corrected myself later on in the episode to Ashley cut it. I cut it.

So we want to take this moment to introduce our new. perfume line. Fragrantly cheating by Raina Greenberg. What is it not like? It smells like Jewish girls. I don't know. Smells like all of our exes tears. Just like, oh my God. And like you said, you hit the word hard. You were like, I found him fragmented. Fragrantly cheating on me. I met him much enunciation. All right. So, you know, you're in this situation and you feel like something's off, you've done some research, you've found

something. You have the evidence. Okay, here's the situation, now what do you do? What do you do? So we've done some research. Why am I just reading everything you said? It's nice to have somebody like, back you up. Like I'm your hype girl. Now what you do, girl. Step one.

If you can walk behind me like every day, just like in life, can you imagine like you're in a family guy episode or something? Yeah. It's just like, you're walking down the street, and I'm like, I would like to order a deli-same. And she's like, deli sandwich. And then I just started, like, whipping and nay-nay. And I'm like, oh, shit, oh, shit.

I wish you guys could do that. I would like, tomatoes, lettuce and mayonnaise. B-L-T. Okay. You know what? We're off the rails. Listen, this is like a serious topic. So I'm trying to, like, bring some light to it and some giggles.

Because, like, you were trying too hard. You feel like this isn't really that funny. Okay, so we did a lot of research. You have the evidence. You have the evidence. That's the scenario. The number one piece of feedback that we have gotten from everything we read is the first thing you need to do is have proof. You have it in hand, locked and loaded.

Right. Because the danger with not having proof is that you alert the person to the fact that you know about this and they destroy the proof. Right. Yes. Like, I will wipe a whole iPhone in five seconds. No. And that's the thing. You've got to ambush him.

Like it cannot be. And this is where I've gone wrong. where I just can't control myself and I can't stay calm and I have to be like, we need to talk later, motherfucker! And then it's just like, oh, well, I know what this is bad. So next step I would say is pick a time and a place to have this conversation. I would not alert the person ahead of time. No, you have to, it's just, you've got to just make them think nothing is wrong. That's where that second they think something's up, they're delete, delete, delete.

So, you know, just whatever it is. Like, hey, can I come over tomorrow night? You want to come over here? That type of situation. But here's the hardest thing to do in this moment where you're so clouded. It's make a decision. Do you want to stay with this person or not? Because those are very divergent paths.

Right. And again, a lot of times I don't think you know because you don't know the story. So you're trying to present this with them. Like, yo, motherfucker, you're cheating on me. And you don't know really what you're going to do. You know? But I think you should know like this relationship's over. I'm about to burn it to the ground.

Or you're like, I love this person so much. And if maybe this is something I can get past, but I need to get the entire story. Right. So if you can have in your head what your end goal is, that's always smart. Like I talked about last week I was living with somebody and he had already cheated on me. This is the second time I'd caught him. So like I knew it was burn it to the ground time.

Yeah. And that's when you can do some funny stuff. Right. Yeah. Like light all their clothing on fire on the street. Absolutely. Always use fire. Go.

So then pick, you know, pick where you're going to do, give them, try to make it seem as natural as possible so they don't see it coming. Then the next piece of advice that we got was, I would phrase everything as facts, not, and statements, not questions. So I know you are doing this. This is clear. I have this information because every single person that we have talked to has given us this sort of like laundry list of things that 100% of the time have happened next. And I was amazed that every time they lie and deny, lie and deny. And double down on the lies. Like the stories we have heard are insane. One of my best friends walked in the condo she shared with her boyfriend and there was a girl in there in her underwear and he still tried to deny it. Like he's still like, this is just a friend. We've just, we're watching football. We were at the gym. Like, we took a shower. Yeah. So? This is my cousin. You know, like I had a friend. It was Valentine's Day. She got a really cute, romantic card and flowers from this guy. I forget the details of how she found the exact same card and flowers on someone else's Instagram from him.

probably tagged in a photo, and she literally confronted him with it. And he was like, I got that card for everybody, including my mom. And she was like, are you fucking your mom? Like, what? They just, this, probably the craziest thing of all the stories I've been told recently. And, you know, prior to this, but especially I've just been like overloaded with them in the last few days because we've asked for them is the crazy lengths these guys go to deny when the proof is literally right there. Right. It's insanity.

So one of my girlfriends told me this week. And every story is the same. Okay, the first line of defense is that the other girl is crazy, right? That she has made this up. Yes. That she went to a class and learned Photoshop and figured out how to fake these text messages. Yes. And then even though you guys have no history at all, has decided to target you and your girlfriend for no reason at all.

He's like, that sex tape is CGI. Right. It's just like they'll come up with anything. So that is the first line of defense where I would just say you have the proof. This is not open for discussion. You have it. Second lie that they double down on. Well, not lie, but second line of defense I'll say is you're crazy.

So instead of the other person being crazy, it's you're crazy. And I would sidestep all of these things. There are three things that people always say you are jealous, you are insecure, and you are crazy. Okay. And what? Right. Motherfuck. Oh, yeah.

So I'm, I am. jealous and I am insecure. You made me this way, bitch. You did it. God. Flood pressure is rising. Oh, Ashley. And I just think it's really interesting again that everybody we talked to has these scenarios. And I think that when this happened to me when I was young, I thought that there was something so wrong with me because it's important to self-evaluate. It's important to say to yourself, did I deserve this? Did I provoke this? What have I done to am I sleeping with my partner? Am I being a good partner to them? I think that that's fine. And once you evaluate those things, it's like, okay, well, you did do that.

Right, you did this. And here's, I just, I cannot drive at home enough the stories that we have heard from, except the one I'm going to tell with this angel I used to date, but just to lighten the mood, bring some male positivity into the mix. But everything we've heard is the immediate reaction of a guy is to lie. And he's lying. I just want to tell you he's lying. I want to tell you that even a guy that you feel has never lied to you,

that you think is honest. When confronted in situations like this, most guys are going to try to lie and deny. And I'll tell you, I dealt with this with an ex, someone that I felt I trusted completely. And when confronted with something, a lot of it comes from panic of losing you. I will say that. And he would say that. He was just like, I'm sorry I lied to you. I was just, we were in such a good place and I was so scared to lose you, which I understand. And a lot of it comes from that, but it's part of that and it's part of just not wanting to get caught. And I just can't stress that enough. Like, don't let it get to you. Like, stay strong. Don't let them, like, make up these crazy light scenarios. And then they just, like, double down on it. Yeah. And then

they flip it on you. And that's, like, the hardest thing is this thing that guys do. I guess we can just do women do this too? I look, by they were being hard on men. Do women do this? You know, if men want to talk about this on their podcast, they can. You know, like that, this is us talking about our experiences as straight women. And I don't think so. And this is something that Raina and I were talking about and one of the reasons why we wanted to do this episode is this whole guy's making you feel crazy thing and gaslighting the shit out of you. And that was something I dealt with so much in one of my past relationships. Like, looking back, I can't believe all the shitty stuff this guy did to me and made me feel like I was the crazy one. Like, I honestly can't. Like, I'm a strong,

independent person. I can't believe the stuff I let this guy get away. with because he was able to make me think that I played a part in it. And that's a huge sign you shouldn't be with that person. Yeah. When you feel like you're like, I'm sane and I've never fought with people like this and all of a sudden I'm screaming and yelling and like, who am I? This person's bringing out the worst in me. It's like not a person you should be with. And you're not, we told you before. We told you guys last week. Like that that gut instinct and that intuition is rarely wrong. I think people are really afraid to go out into the vast pool of human beings in the world. Like you found a person you have a commitment to and you have a good time with.

And I would say in a box you probably get along really well. They're fun and funny and all these things. And I think that even if you feel shitty all the time, it's even scarier to think about leaving the person. But, you know, we act like leaving somebody who makes us feel bad is like some huge overhaul. And it really isn't. Like, leave somebody who makes you feel terrible. See how much better the air smells tomorrow and how much brighter the sunshut. It will.

Like I look back on like my life a year ago, two years ago, and I'm like, God, it's so good now. You know, like when you're done with that toxic relationship, I'm just like skipping down the street. You know what I mean? I don't know if you've done this before, but I have a propensity to want to protect the people I'm with, and I'll tell you what I mean. But like, this is something that came up when I was researching sort of what to talk about on this topic. And, you know, if somebody's cheating on you, what do you do? I have a propensity to want to protect the people that I date in the sense that, like, I don't want to make them look bad to my friends or my family.

We have a fight. I always keep it private. You never know if you could get back together. Yes, so you never know. You have to do all that damage control. But one of the things that I came back with time and time again researching this episode was you need to find a friend and you need to find somebody you can, like, you can confide in because the worst thing you can do for yourself is only align yourself with the person that is cheating on you because it's very easy to convince you that you are alone and you are insane when you are actually alone. Yeah. So it's really important, I think, to find a trusted friend.

Maybe it's just one person. You don't have to tell your parents. I wouldn't necessarily tell your mom. Right. If you think you might get back together with a person. But find this person and we cannot stress enough. Like, you are so not alone. And even if you feel like an idiot where you're like, I can't believe I'm putting up with this from this person, we've all been there too.

Love is hard to walk away from. And like, you're so blinded and clouded when you love somebody. We've all been there every single one of us. Right. So that's part of our steps too is like have this person and have that person on call. Hopefully you do have a best friend or like a close confidant that is basically on call because they know you're having this conversation with your significant other, your boyfriend. You know, like we've all had to have that person.

Like all my best friend Kate is just like when she knew I was about to have a conversation like that, she's ready. You know, she's like ready to come over with the wine, whatever needs to be done or I have to go to her house. You know, so that's important to have to. But I think even just to back up, I mean, Rayna, what do you think? Like, what do you think do you actually, in your words, say, when this guy is like, you're fucking crazy, you spot him, you did this, you did that?

Like, what do you think you, like, stay calm for one. But, like, I think you walk in knowing that that's going to happen. Right. I think you play out the worst case scenario. Right. Like, I think you almost have, you know, when you're in the shower, have those fake fights in your mind. Right.

And, like, you know what they're going to do. We're telling you what they're going to do. Right. Every person that I've ever talked to about this, they have sort of the same recipe in a lot of the situations for how it turned out. And I wish I could take my own advice. You know, in these situations where I've been cheated on, I have let loose. But if I had maybe talked to somebody and not, like, I was 24 when this happened and not that you're so stunted as a human being 24, but like I hadn't lived as much life as I have now maybe. And I didn't know that this happened to other people. And I was just so humiliated and angry. And so what I got from this is like, you know, when you have proof, irrefutable in writing proof, and you have a plan and you're ready for somebody to launch these insults at you

because you know that they're afraid to lose you. So they're going to do anything they can to make you feel like you're wrong. When you're ready for all those things, I think that you can walk in. And like, you know, just like I would, just like I would prep for a business meeting, you know, the only thing you can control in the world is your preparation and your effort. Yeah. And outside of that, everything else is outside of your control. So I would expect to have insults hurtled at you.

Anger. I mean, best case scenario, somebody comes clean, but I haven't ever heard one story where that happens. I'm sure it does. I'll jump in with mine. Oh, yeah. Let's get some positivity. Yeah, let's bring it back. I shared this last week that I, the one time I snooped on a guy, if you listen to last

week's episode, I had his email password and that he just randomly shared with me one day, you know, like really not a cheater type of guy, like that he would just spout that out in general conversation. So I had this bad feeling and I snooped in his email and right at the top was an email from this girl that was clearly somebody he had met out at a bar that was entirely too flirty that it seemed like they had plans to meet up again. And we were quick background that we kind of been on and on. We met in college. Then we kind of did this on and off for years. We were long distance and we were reconnecting for, God, no, what, third or fourth time. So it was kind of, it was definitely undefined between us. I'll say that. Like, it wasn't, we weren't, we hadn't had a

talk yet, but this was a person I just trusted to never hurt me. And I wasn't trying to date anybody else. And so I was able to stay calm for once and knew that I'd invaded his privacy too. So I found that late at night on a Saturday night. I waited until the next day, Sunday. And I was like, this wasn't probably one of the hardest and most stressful things I've had to do in a relationship to call somebody and tell them that you went through their email. You know, I mean, it's brutal. There's no way to get around it. There's not, I couldn't have tricked him into admitting that to me. I was like, I have to tell this person that I went through their email.

And he was planning to come visit me in Atlanta the following weekend. So I was like, I can't wait until he gets here. Who knows how he's going to react? I have to tell him now and see where that puts us. And I called him and I was like a shaking and I told him, I can't believe I'm saying this. and I went through your email and I saw this email from this girl. And he took a deep breath. He was silent for a long time.

And then he said, Ashley, I'm so sorry that you had to read that and that that hurt your feelings. And I am like, I can't apologize enough. And I'm like, this guy is apologizing to me for going there's enough. You're like,

I had no preparation for this. So he's like, I am so sorry. I can't, like, that like hurts my heart that you would read that and feel this way. He was like, of course I want to be with you.

I feel like I've been getting mixed signals from you. I don't know where we stand. I didn't know if we were in a committed relationship again. Why don't we talk? I still want to come there. Let's have the talk. Like, let's be back together. That's what I want.

You know, this is just, it is somebody I met out. I did. We do have like a flirty relationship, but this is not somebody that I barely even know. I'll never speak to her again if you and I are going to be in a relationship. And literally never ever brought up me doing that and it never came up again. And that is just so rare, I think. I've told people this story and they're like, can you find him? Can you get back together with him?

Because it's just, this was like perfect scenario of how it could go. And I think that's a guy that is honest and did do what he did, but like is not some cheater of a guy and like felt so sad that he hurt my feelings, you know? Yeah, well, I think the moral this is that not everybody is a hellish. Hold on, I'm going to call him. I'm just kidding. He's totally married now. I'm like, hey, what's that? I think that not everybody, you know, a lot of people, of course, have horror stories,

so that's what we've gotten a lot of this week. But I think that at the end of the day, like, the person you're in a relationship with is a human being, and you have to be ready for any answer. And the answer might really be, I was getting mixed signals from you, or we haven't had sex since six months. Right. Or I'm not getting from you what I emotionally need or what I physically need. And, like, yeah, it's horrible that I got that somewhere else.

but like take some responsibility for the fact that like we're in a partnership and you're not giving me anything either. Right. And of course, if you're not having sex, that's something that should be addressed at a head of time and not giving somebody a green light to cheat on you. No, no, no, because your sex life is bad. But, you know, the moralist, not everybody is a horrific lying sack of dog shit. Well, and what I will say was what I did best in that situation was remain calm, get my, you know, heart rate down and sleep the night. And in my other relationship where I felt like there was all this bullshit that happened, I was not able to do that. I was a crazy person out all the time. I was in the wrong relationship. This is someone that made me feel crazy.

And so I was always just like a wild animal. And I think I could have gotten way better results for all the things that I thought he was doing if I hadn't to like showed up at his house fucking screaming. You know what I mean? Of course I was able to get a reaction from someone that was more calm and honest when I was being more calm. And that's the thing I can't stress enough. And I can't, it's hard to tell people what to do that I can't do myself. And hopefully I'll be better in the next relationship. But, you know, when you show up screaming and yelling and you're sending these angry texts,

like you already put someone on the defensive. And it's hard to get what you want. And I know how hard it is to stay calm and take your rage down a notch. But like, if that's my one piece of advice, that's it. And like, it's so much easier said than done. But like when you find that thing, like, put your phone away, go to your friend's house, like, don't react in that moment because you can't. Your brain is not even functioning normally. I also think, like, we've all

had those, like, well, I don't know if people are like that in every relationship, but we've all had that one relationship where you're both just so cyclically, is that a word? Cyclically? Fragratherly? I just, I don't want to say more wrong words. It's a cyclical thing that you're both so horrible to each other. And you bring out this terrible thing to And I dated one person ever that would say that, like, I would show up at a bar and start screaming at him in public. And we had this crazy, volatile relationship where, like, I probably loved him a little harder than I loved other people.

But, like, I love, I think it probably just felt like that because I hated him a lot harder than I hated other people. We've all been in those relationships. And I've, like, you know, that's not necessarily getting cheated on, but, like, those are relationships that have, like, a cycle that's hard to break. Yes. Oh, for sure. And speaking of crazy behavior, like,

Rayne and I are just so fucking sick of these guys talking about their crazy exes and their crazy girlfriends, like all this stuff. We're like, it's funny because we have about, I don't know, a thousand girlfriends each, and we don't know these stories. Like, and if we know a story of a girl having crazy behavior, which we both do, we have stuff that looks crazy would translate as crazy. But like, when you know the whole story, it's not crazy at all because we got pushed to our limit. You know, guys will push you to your limit and then you do something crazy and like,

oh, that bitch is crazy. And I think I have a few, I have a girlfriend here. It's the first time she said it to me. It really resonated with me. She said, I am always wary of a guy that claims he has this crazy ex. Every guy that I know. Because it's like what made her crazy, bitch, you know? That's always my fault question.

We're not naturally like that. Every time I need to have a guy tell me my ex is so crazy. It's not that I don't think there are some crazy girls out there, but I have tons of girlfriends and we're pretty open with each other. And somehow none of them have stories like this. Yeah. So where all these stories coming from? So every guy that says, you know, she was crazy.

I always say, okay, what were the 15 things that you did leading up to her going insane? Like what was, so this person tried to be nice to you and decent over and over and over again and then had a reaction to you? Right. And they're in, did they set your house on fire? Right. Oh, she's so crazy. I pushed her like crazy and suddenly she had a reaction to it.

Yes, exactly. So. And I'm just like, okay, cool. I'm crazy. I mean, that's not even insult to me anymore. You know, and on that note, if you have found the proof and you're like, this relationship is over, this is the final time, fucking burn it to the ground. Do you something funny?

Like, we're telling you how to handle it if you, like, really need to find out the story and you want to get the truth out of them. But when it's, when you found it and your relationship, this relationship is done, fucking light him on fire. Smash that laptop, girl. Create a fake Instagram account, tag his girlfriend in the photos. No, fuck you. What to ruin your goddamn life. I think it's important. Actually, and I meant to say this at the beginning of the episode.

She's like, Ashley stopped. No, no, no, we might say at the beginning of the episode, which is that Ashley and I have never been married. We've never had kids. So we are not speaking to people that are in those situations because I don't claim to know anything about how to handle something like that, right? Right. Yeah, it's different.

I mean, it's different when you're married and you have kids and you're like, I can't just really burn this to the ground, you know? Or maybe you want to and that's fine and you want to just be like Angela Bassett and waiting to exhale, walking her way from the fucking dumpster fire of your relationship. But, yeah, we're kind of giving advice on how to approach a situation more calmly, where you might actually be able to get the truth. Right. And have, like, an honest conversation with somebody.

I think if you don't let it escalate into some crazy thing, which, again, very, very much easier said than done, but if you just use eye statements and you show up and say, I have the proof and you're not hurtling insults at the person, and you just say this isn't, you know, open for discussion. I know you did this. Like, let's have a real conversation. Like, these are facts. These are not, like, I think you can actually have a chance at, like, having a real conversation if you really want to salvage the relationship and figure out what you want.

Right. Also, you said hurtling, it's hurling. Insults? No. Hurdling's, like, jumping over something. Yeah, one is you jump over the insults. Right. Oh, yeah, you're jumping over the insults.

dodging insults, motherfucker. Just hurtling insults over here. Okay, so be prepared for him to hurdle insults. Honestly, I will say this. I think that you should be prepared to walk away from that relationship because, like, Raina, we were just discussing that you might not like what you hear. Yeah. The answer actually might be I'm in love with this other person, and I'm glad you found out, you know.

And that's unfortunate, but, you know, you have to really, I think, walk into this conversation with no expectations. Well, and I think the person who cares least is holds the power in any relationship. So if you are fully prepared for that relationship to be over, you have the power, you know, because that's the guy when they're lying and they're denying and they're trying to double down on all this insane lies that they're hurtling at you. It's because they don't want to lose you, but they also don't deserve you. So I think that you should always be prepared to walk out of there and never look back.

And I think that gives you strength in the moment when you're like, I could take this or leave it. And I will just play devil's advocate with you. I don't know everybody's relationship and that they don't deserve you. Evaluate, you know, what's been going on in the relationship. And do I want to be in this relationship? Have I been a good partner to this person and be ready for the person to say to you, you haven't? And again, that doesn't ever, ever warrant somebody cheating on you. And there's different levels, too, of cheating.

And there's, you know, a guy slipped up once in some weak moment. And there's that he has another girlfriend and has been lying to your face every single morning and acting like nothing is wrong. And that's disgusting. Yeah. I mean, and that's horrible. And I don't wish that on anybody. But hopefully, you know, I know this is a little bit of a darker topic, but I really wanted

to help other people and give them some tools to use that I didn't maybe have and things that I was scared of. And, you know, I certainly hid this from other people and this was happening. to me. I wish I would have talked to a friend. I wish I would have had my podcast to listen to your own voice. I mean, I just can't stress it enough. Clearly, everybody can tell this comes from personal experience. Just don't let a guy make you feel crazy. Like really, the guy that you're supposed to be with, you will have more of a sense of calm and it will bring out the best in you. And then someone that just constantly makes you feel like you're irrational and insecure and crazy is not a good guy.

Yeah, and maybe like not the right time. Maybe you both are just not a good match for each other. You know what I mean? Like they, you could have been a totally different person with someone else and this, then vice versa. Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa. This is a dark, horrible thing to talk about. We're kind of lighten it up. We'll play a game. You know, at the end of the day, there are 3.6 billion people in the world that you can date of the opposite sex. Or if you're actually, if you're by, there's,

seven billion people in the world that you can date. And a lot of those people can make you laugh and sit on the couch with you and open up a bottle of wine. And I think that people are so afraid to walk away from things when at the end of the day, there's a lot of people in this world that are not going to make you feel like that. And, you know, ending your relationship does not mean that, like, you have to start all over again and it's going to be terrible. I love being single. Oh, I know. It's a blast. And always have those female friends around you.

They're the most important thing. I don't know how I would have gotten through breakups without my girlfriends. You're so lucky we're friends. We're so lucky. All right, guys, we are going to head over to Instagram and lighten this shit up. Thank you guys. We're sticking through this with us. We love you.

BRB. Okay, we are live on Instagram. We're going to do a little game of Never Have I Ever. Bringing it back. We've been doing Red Light Green Light the last couple weeks. So we're back to just straight, Never Have I Ever. Standard, say something. Sex, dating, whatever, life related.

And we will drink. we've done it. We have our red wine here. Cheers. Here we go. People just love to kick it off with butt stuff. Really? Every time, huh? It's a lot of the, yeah. Never have, and Mile High Club. We'll answer it. Episode one, you can also go back and hear our stories about anal. I have not done anal. Raina had anal once after an $800 dinner. So that's the price tag. Say it. You read it. Never have I ever thrown up while giving a blowjob. I have. We both have. I have it.

I have it. Oh, I have. I have. You've given way more blowjobs than I have. What? I, um, you threw up on a dick. They are disgusting. I was hungover. It was my boyfriend. I went down and he thrust it up really hard. And you know what? I threw up a little bit, okay?

Oh, man. This is about honesty. Never have ever fallen asleep with pizza in the bed. Yes. Every day it ends at the Y. Someone asked about Roadhead. I feel like such a lame loser. I've never given Roadhead.

You're getting fired. We live in New York City. What am I going to, like, suck off the Uber driver? You're in an Uber with another person. Or what, let him eat me out, and then I have to rate it. Never given a book. Never have I ever gone on a date. just to get a dinner.

It's literally the name of our podcast is girls got to eat. But again, I'll be honest. I haven't gone out with someone I knew I didn't like just for a meal. Like I'll just, I'd rather go get a dollar slice or something. You know what I mean? I have an income. Never have I ever stolen something more than $100. I'm banned for life from Lord and Taylor because they caught me with like 50 pairs of panties in my bag.

I was 15 years old. They took me to like the dungeon of Lord and Taylor and Handker. cuffed me to a bench and my dad had to come picking up. Okay, Lauren Taylor. I'm just kidding. Lord and Taylor, S&M. My dad walked into the basement of Lord and Taylor through 75 cents at me and said, you're disgusting. Take the bus. Oh, God, never have I ever hooked up with a random while on vacation. Yeah, what else the point I'm going to be on vacation? Otherwise. Never have I ever stripped for money. Stripped for money. Your answer is definitely yes, because you're not. answering right away. What? Did you strip for money? No. I mean, I do stand up. It's basically the same

thing. Never have I ever hooked up in the back of an Uber. What else is there to do in the back of an Uber? All right. Never have I ever have my salad tossed. A guy eats your butt out. Yeah. Yeah. Have you tossed somebody else's salad? Nope. Also, I need to drink, I guess. What about you? I did it to somebody else. I know it's so gross. You ate their butt? It was during showered. He said. You were in the shower. Listen, when you're in... It was at a baby shower. What?

Yeah, you caught me. At a baby shower, I ate somebody's butt. Listen, when you... We've all been there. Baby showers are so boring. That's how you kind of mix it up. You literally have to mix it up. All right, guys, that wraps it up.

For another episode of Girls Got to Eat, we hope you enjoyed. We hope we kept it light enough. Please subscribe, rate, and review. We love reading the reviews so much. and also follow us at Girls' Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter. Ashley makes me keep a Twitter. And you can always email us at hello at girls got to eatpodcast.com, slide into our DMs. We've loved reading everybody's stories and feedback and everything else.

All right. Have a good week, guys.