Girls Gotta Eat - How To Get Out of a Relationship Rut (or Just Know It's Over)

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

“Are we in a rut, or is the relationship over?” is a question so many of us have asked, and we’re breaking it down on this episode. We discuss the signs of a relationship rut, when and why they typically occur, and the questions to ask yourself to determine whether a relationship is worth saving. We discuss how to get out of the rut, from small changes to larger pivots, plus low, medium, and high effort ways to bring novelty into your relationship. We also talk about intimacy vs. sex, why not wanting to have sex isn’t always a red flag, unexpected things that can keep your relationship spicy, and a high-level sex challenge to consider. Before we get into the topic, we have a lot to catch up on – how Rayna is feeling about living in NYC and Ashley’s latest thoughts on moving, Ashley’s ongoing butt issues and a mortifying moment at the doctor, and if Rayna is regretting her short hair. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: ZBiotics: Get 15% off pre-alcohol at https://zibiotics.com/gge with code GGE. Helix: Get 20% off at https://helixsleep.com/GGE. WhatNot: Get $20 off and free shipping on your first purchase when you download the app. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you going to be thrilled over the moon, pussy dripping to jump all over each other? Every single weekend is a crazy thing that you've never done before, experienced before. You're doing date nights, three days a week. Like, that's going to end. Yeah. For most people. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys.

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Coming from New York. We did it. Living our best life. We're going to blow you into being here. Every week, I'm like, do it.

Come here. If you guys want to get into the comments and, like, let us. know whether or not Ashley should move here or not. Let us know if you think her hair is curly. That's how you really get people into the comments. Okay, I actually do something to say about my hair. I think I'm going to go back, not long. That would be crazy.

But I think I am, I know that you look nervous. I just, I, this length is not for me. This in-betweener length I don't like. So just cut it short. I want a really short, I want really like short or I want like below the short. Like I want an armpit length. I miss having like longer hair. You guys get at these comments immediately.

No, right? It's so good. The short hair is so, it's so you now. I feel like I'm not into it anymore. I feel like I tasted her. I tasted it two months, three months at this point. I just, I know you guys are going to bully me into keeping this. And I just, please do.

I want like hair that's like a little bit longer. Well, maybe then I'll take over the short hair. Like maybe we swap. Yeah. Did I send you that picture? Yeah, I love it. I'm going to put up on the screen for you guys. Yeah.

So I just had this photo that Raina took of me in France. And my hair was kind of back. And I just was like, oh, I kind of actually, that's a good photo to play with different hairstyles because my hair is like back. So I threw it in face tune just to see. And the short hair, I loved it. I loved it. But again, that's in face tune.

That's like perfect fake AI hair. You can have that hair? That hair's exactly what your hair would look like. Maybe. We'll put it on the screen, you guys, and let me know. I was like stunned by how much I loved it. I thought it was so chic and that's how I decided. I put my hair into like face tuner or chatchip tea or whatever and I was just like

show me some different haircuts. But I just didn't want people would think I'm like coffee and you. Well now I'm going to go long. We know some some friends that that happened. I mean that's kind of crazy also. That girl, the one girl's like known for having a bob. I'm not known for having a bob. Yes.

Okay. It would be like if you and I really had a signature really cunty hairstyle. And then the other person was like, I'm going to do that too. Yeah. Like if you got three breast reductions. You know what would be? really what would be like the most competitive thing I could do is to get implants and make sure that my tits are bigger than yours now because you have been complaining about how small they are.

Yeah, how small they are. If I came in, if we really were competitive besties like that, that's what I would do. That's how you know we actually hate each other if I get breast implants. I actually support it. I support you getting breast. I mean, I think your body's perfect. But if you got bigger boobs, every day I look in the mirror and I'm like, how could you? How could you do this to yourself?

I have their 32D, if you guys are curious. And every day I'm just like, I miss them. They have a mind of their own. I know. What are they doing? Because your first breast reduction, they just grew back. Yes. And now they've kind of shrunk.

I mean, you've lost weight. But like, they really do fluctuate with your weight, I guess. Like, some people's don't. Mine never did growing up. Mine were always like, I weighed like 98 pounds when I was like 19. And they were giant, ridiculous tits. And I feel like day to day they have a mind of their own, too. Like, I mean, hour to hour, they have a mind.

I was at this event the other night. There's a column called Sex Diaries that Ashley and I really like in New York Magazine. And the author, Alyssa, put out a book and I went to a reading. And Alana and I were talking about my boobs in that room. And I was like, I feel like my boobs are so small now. And she was like, yeah, they're small. They're in proportion to your body because she knew me for so many years with like triple D boobs. Yeah.

But she's like, they're, you know, smaller, but they're bread. And two minutes later, I was talking to Alyssa. And she was, your boobs are huge. And I was like, thank you so much. It is. It's whether they knew. you before. Maybe, yeah. Yeah, and also they change hormonally. There's days when my breast looks so much bigger, but they also hurt. They're heavy and whatever's going on and in them.

Remember that trip we took in Jamaica and everyone was coming to how bigger boobs looked? They looked huge on that trip. I had this one bikini top. It was good American. And I don't know, it wasn't like super padded. It just really pushed them up in a crazy way. I need to bring that back. But I don't even want to see what it would look like now because they really have shrunk. But yeah, one of our guy friends was like, is that Hess with the big tits? They looked huge. That's something no one's ever said. I know.

Did it feel good though? Hess with the big tits. Yeah. I was like, excuse me? Okay, let's talk about our partners and then we will get into it. All right. Well, speaking of Jamaica. Alcohol.

Okay. I was like, where is the Jamaica core? She will land the plane at some point. So it's summertime. We're taking more trips. We're just parting more, going out, more going to more barbecues, which obviously just needs to be drinking more. Zbiotics, baby.

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Oh, my gosh. Speaking of nipples, if you'd like to tweak yours. Okay, well, speaking of body stuff, I have an update about my butt, the ongoing saga. So if you are new around here, I have had a multitude of issues back there, specifically in the crack. And you're so brave. To talk about it. To go on living. You know what?

I'm just going to be honest. I feel comfortable talking about this because I'm in a relationship. I totally agree. This thing I'm going to explain, this is the third time it's happened, the first time was in 2020. I don't think I came on and talked about it in such a way. Not that guys are listening. Actually, I don't know. Maybe Shishonk was listening.

Like, I just feel like it is kind of graphic, weird body stuff. Yeah. But also, you shouldn't. It just feels like if I was single, I don't think I'd want to share as much. I don't know. I feel like I have that freedom. No, I validate that because I mean, it's the same thing as feeling like I don't want to dress for the male gaze anymore. It's nice.

Like, listen, there's a million things that are nice about being single, but feeling like I don't have to impress anybody but me and my partner. It's nice. You do show up. You just do act differently. Yeah, it's freeing. But also, I've always been talking about weird body stuff on this podcast, even when I was single. I'm just, whatever. Your butthole is different.

Yeah. It feels different. Yeah. So I have this, like, anorectal abscess. And I talked about this if you guys really want to run it back April 2420, 2025, where I was experienced so much pain and discomfort. It's like a cyst type situation back there. And I had to go, like, get an incision and get it drained. And I think I did it act out on the podcast because I was like on all fours basically, like leaned over like face down ass up with this colorectal surgeon who I love, by the way.

And she at that time was like, we took care of this, but you could have what's called a fistula and that's a surgery. And we had a call about it after that. And I was like on tour, planning my wedding. And she was like, you know, you can live with this maybe. And you could probably go another year or two. Like, you'll see. But if this keeps coming back, you're probably going to want to do the surgery. But I totally support you not wanting to do it now.

There's obviously a recovery. period and you got a lot going on. And so over the course of the last year, it has been threatening to come back and then it just kind of goes away on its own. Probably like, I don't have five or six times. I can feel a little something back there. I can feel it, but it's not discomfort and it's not pressure. And then it goes away. And I'm like, okay, maybe I am living with this. And I always knew if it came back in such a way where it's very uncomfortable, I know it's not going to just go away or drain on its own. I'm going to have to go back to her. So this happened a few nights ago. The night before I was supposed to leave to come to New York on this trip, I was like, this is bad, and it feels like it

felt in April of 2025, and I can't fly to New York like this, because I don't have a doctor there. And so I called in the morning, and I'm supposed to fly out at one. My flight was at one o'clock. I call the second the doctor opens at 8.30 in the morning, and her receptionist answers. And I was like, you know, I'm a patient of the doctor. I don't want to say her name on the podcast. If you guys really need a doctor like that, you can message me and I'll let you know. But I'm like a patient of her. She told me if this happens again to just a caller and come in. And, you know, I'm supposed to fly out today. And the receptionist was so kind and understanding. Wow.

Like, they don't have to be. They never are. It's like they pick up the phone and you have to say the same thing. Have you ever called a doctor's office and they acted like they spoke English? You just have to like explain yourself three times. It's so humiliating. They're like, I don't understand. You're like, I'd like a gynecologist appointment. They're like, we don't really do that here. You're like, but aren't you a gynaecologist? And she was like, the doctor's booked all day.

Then that's like, sorry. But she was like, I'm going to talk to her and try to get you in. And I was like, God bless you. So she was like, she's going to be in at 930. I'll call you back. She calls me back at like 10. And she's like, she says she's going to try to get you in today. And she's like, what time is your flight?

Like, she really was trying to make it work for me. And I'm like, I've already pushed back my flight. I was like, there's no way I'm making a 1 p.m. flight. I've already pushed it back to three. And she's like, I don't think I can get you until the afternoon. I'm like, I'll make it work whatever. I'll fly out tomorrow if I have to. Listen, it isn't always, but you know, it was more important in that moment. And so, then I'm more important in that moment. And so, you're like, she's got to meet at 1130. I was like, I'll come right now. She's like, where do you live? I was like, I'm 10 minutes down the road. She's like, you can come right now. I was like, I'm 10 minutes down the road to door. I was like, I'm a whole thing. I'm a parking deck, circle around, whatever. So I rolled out. I'll see you come right. I'll see you come up. I'll see you soon. I'll see it. I'll see my have been there and the office is packed. I was like, how am I seeing this doctor today? Tons of bottle problems. And so I'm just sitting there like, I will wait as long as it takes. I will keep pushing back my flight. I'll leave it six in the morning tomorrow if I have to. I will see this doctor today and I'm going to be patient. And I'm so thankful that they're trying to squeeze me in. Time goes by, Rana, the mental gymnastics, knowing that I need a good 15 to 20 minutes with the doctor to do the incision, to do the draining.

And then can I get to the airport? Like, it was just kind of like I still had to pack a little bit. It's funny to be like, okay, if they don't take me by 1110, you know, like I was like doing all the math. And then it just starts to get a little chaotic in the doctor's office. And I could tell that they had really stacked her schedule a little too packed. And I knew she had a meeting at 1130. And I could hear the doctor from like behind the desk. It gets a small office. A lot of people don't do this, right?

Like it's just like if you're the person that does butthole cyst draining, like you're the goat. She's incredible. But she said it could come in. She said book her in, but then I think things got a little out of hand. And I, at one point, this is probably like 11.05 and I'm like, I need to see her by 1110. And I hear the doctor from, I feel like I shouldn't be able to hear her, but it's a tight office. There's a lady with an abscess that's been here since 10. The way, my face got so hot.

Nobody would have known it was you, but the person turned beat red in the room. There's a lady with an abscess who's been here. since 10. Green, I was like, that's me. This is the stuff that nightmares are made up. This is what you see in your nightmares. And people are like, but that couldn't really happen. Someone yells into a packed room.

That's the girl with the butthole cyst. I was like, I'm going to cry the lady with the abscess. And like, are you going to see me or not? Like, what time? And I'm really like, did they immediately go, okay, Ashley Heseltin. And then they come out, Ashley Heseltzatine, lady with the abscess, who's been here since 10. I was like 1030 also. Like it wasn't 10. So anyway, they finally bring me back at like 11.15. I was like in five more minutes. I'm going to have to push back the flight again. She brings me back.

She is all business. Last time I was reading a book because I had to wait for her. She was like, what book are you reading? Should I read that? She was so nice to me. She was literally all business. Like I don't have time for small talk. Got right down to it. And she did it very quickly. And then at one point I was like trying to talk to about the potential surgery because she was like, I'll put a bandaid on it this time. But like I really think we need to discuss the surgery. And I want you to come back in in person. I don't want to do another Zoom meeting. And she was like, I want to talk to you about this.

I started to ask her a question. She goes, we don't time for that. Literally she was like, we don't just. Face down ass up. Not today. Face down, ass up. The shot of the lytocane hurts so bad. She was like, wiggle your toes.

That's the worst part. It's not the incision. It's like the shot in your ass of the numbing. And then I was done. And she was like, rest today. And I'm like, what I'm going to do is get on a flight. That's sort of rest. And I had to come home.

And again, this is the third time I've had to really deal with this. And I was like, I know that like it's going to be a little bit of pain. I'm going to take some painkillers. Then I'm just going to be fine. But I had upgraded my flight. And it was like not that much more expensive to upgrade to Delta One. And I was like, also I want to be comfortable and lay down. So when I was in the Delta One lounge, I was like, people probably think, look at this girl.

Look at this baddie. Not knowing I have gauze in my buck crack. You never know what people are going through. Delta one private security. Delta one private lounge gauze in my butthole. You never know what struggles people are having, you know? Everybody has a story to tell. And I made it and I'm fine.

And I'm going to obviously discuss the surgery. Like I'm not a person who's like putting that off. I just, I'm going to listen to her recommendations. Last year was just not the year to do that. I had my gum graft last year. I had a lot going on. You did. And also like, what if you wanted to do anal for your wedding?

Exactly. this well, I mean, it probably would have been better off if I would have got the surgeries. But anyway, last time when I talked about this, I got so many messages from you guys. And so if you have this going on, my thoughts and prayers are always with you. And you always know you have the support of the lady with abscess who's been here since 10. I had an experience sort of like that, the gynecologist in L.A. And I'd gone into, it was just when I turned 40, I wanted like a panel of every single thing done, which I really recommend that you guys do. when you turn 40, go to the gynaecology, get blood work, get everything, get everything tested, get a

mammogram, do everything. But I decided I wanted to change my IUD, so I'd come back in for a consultation. I waited for like 90 minutes. And the woman in that small room goes, IUD and just points at me. And I was like, no, and she goes, you're not getting an IUD today? And I was like, no, I'm just here to talk about an ID. She's like, are you sure you're not going to get it out? I was like, are we?

Why are we doing this? Why are we yelling across this room? I know. This is crazy. When I left, though, I was just so appreciative of them. And like I thanked Joanna who works at the front desk. I was like, thank you so much. I feel like she was like, okay, girl, just get out of here.

But I was like, you didn't have to do this. And you didn't have to care. Like when people are kind for really no reason, just to improve your day, I'm always just like, man, that is so nice. And like, I know that they're so busy. Like I just really feel for all the doctors, all the nurses that are just like, I could feel the stress. And they still like, the fact that she was like, okay, what time's your flight? I'm like, this is not your problem. Like I said that tour on the phone.

I was like, listen, I got a plate at one. That's not your problem. Like I was just like, this is my shit. But if I can get in today, I will. And, like, I just feel like it was just such a heartwarming experience. Okay. So Raina and Greenberg, you've been living in New York now as we record for like a little, like a month-ish. We've been gone sometime.

Yeah. Now that this will air, it will have been even longer. But how are you feeling? I'm feeling mostly great. I'm mostly really happy. I said to you yesterday, I checked in myself all the time. Like, was this a good idea? I'm really happy.

Being away from you and doing the podcast without you has been harder than I expect. it to be. And I didn't, I was never under the expectation that like, it would just be easy. But like, we know a lot of people that do it remotely. Like Paige and Hannah are always on Zoom and the girls from the toast. They, they were with their husbands and their kids in different states. And Stacey Schroeder, who we just had on the show and Taylor Strucker, like, we know all these girls that, like, do it separately. And I still love doing the podcast with you no matter what. It's just, it's not the same when I'm not in the same room as you. So that's, that's been the biggest change for me and the biggest surprise. I was just like, we'll do it remotely. And it'll be okay. And we obviously,

they're going to like bend over backwards to make sure you guys can have us in the same room as much as humanly possible. But that's been the hardest and the biggest, I guess, surprise, because I just thought, like, so many people do this professionally, not in the same room. Like, we'll be fine and we are. But it's just a little less fun to, like, not be together. Yeah. So I don't want to start with negativity. No, I mean, I feel the same way. I don't know. We did do it during COVID, but it's like we were forced into it.

We had to. It was a different time. But we didn't start this podcast to be virtual. We would only do a couple a year. And, you know, I think it's people, it was kind of funny when people like, what's going to happen to the podcast? I'm like, we've done virtual. If you guys have been around, you know that we have done it. But it really was fewer and far between.

So like when we did the full episode on Monday, a couple weeks ago, a month or so ago at this point, we're like, we don't, this isn't fun for us. We hope we're coming across. We're having fun talking. I know. I do want to talk about the positives a living here. I'm thrilled. But just the podcast, you know, if you, we'll figure this out. And again, I feel like the snack, it's just like we've done more virtual the snack.

But like we want to try to work this out as much as possible. And we're going to see what it looks like going forward. But that has obviously been the hardest part of you moving too, because I've seen you a lot. Yeah, socially we've been together a lot. Like we were in Dewey, we were in Europe, obviously. And then as we're recording this, I will have just been in L.A. for a week. So we will have been together a lot. But yeah, it's just, it's a huge shift in my life.

I mean, it's, I know somebody who's sort of breaking. up with their partner of like 10 years. And I said, like, I don't know what it feels like to be with somebody that long because it's like losing a limb. And like, but that's how it is. Like we've just never been as apart before. Yeah. So socially, again, I don't feel like that. But podcast wise, I just like, it's just a bummer to not be in the room every single time together. Yeah. I think that we've been doing this for eight and a half years. And I don't know. We really just still enjoy it, obviously. But I guess I didn't realize how big a part of that was like being together and just chatting because like we've talked about so much as it been eight and a half

year. I mean, you do anything for eight and a half years. A lot of people would never do anything this long. And so that's part of what keeps it fun. Yeah. So I think we're struggling with that a little bit. If we're just being honest with you guys, like that's we want to not do as many. While we live apart, the snack will be because it's timely. But when we can get ahead of episodes and guests and all that stuff, we're going to try our best. Yeah. And also just the best part of my week is recording together. It always has been. Even when people are like, do you think you guys are going to stop? Every year somebody's like, how long can this keep going on?

I'm like, forever. How dare you suggest that to me? Every once in a while, somebody will suggest like, you guys were like coming up on 10 years. Forever. That's how long it could go for. Have you ever heard of Howard Stern? I could be on this mic forever. Forever. Until we die.

Till we, Mitch McConnell, out this bitch. So we'll figure it out. And like we are making the effort to be in the same city as much as possible. Well, outside of that, I'm really happy. There's some things that I knew I would love. Like, Saturday I was telling you, like, the reason why I moved here is just socially, I just wasn't loving it in L.A. And I was just alone all the time.

And Saturday morning, one of our girlfriends texted me. I went for a walk with her. Went to brunch. Another one of our girlfriends said, like, I'm having a bad day. I was like, great, I'll meet up with you. I went for a walk with her. And then a third one of our girlfriends, like, came over to my place that night and had wine.

And I was like, every one of these plans came about within five minutes of the plan. Like, that's why I moved here to be able to, like, just do a lot of stuff with a lot people. I went to this great book reading the other night. I was in this room full of people and I was like really surrounded by like some brilliant people. And I love that. The weather has been tough. So that's always a tradeoff. The space is a huge tradeoff. I went from a three bedroom house with two outdoor spaces to one bedroom apartment. But I am, that's better than I thought it would be. I'm just, I'm in the apartment and I'm like, this is everything I could possibly need. The apartment's beautiful. Thank you. Yeah. It's everything I could possibly need. So there's tradeoffs to

everything. There's good and bad. I mean, so many of our friends, the majority of our friends are here. And that's what I've like really craved. And also just attention for men is really different here for me. Like in L.A., like a man just won't look at you. They will not give you the time of day. And here I just feel like I'm getting like chatted up every single day by a man. It's probably like the men in L.A. are so hot. But it's like you can't talk to them. Like it's almost like being at the zoo where you literally are like, oh my God, this like beautiful animal. But don't talk. to them. They won't talk to you. Like, keep your distance. Like, it's truly like you're watching them from afar almost. Like, I'm never not amazed at the attractiveness of all the people in LA. Oh, it's been a guy, the height, the looks, they all look just fit and glowing and the heavy

stubble and the hair and the, oh my God, they're so hot. Okay. Anyway. I mean, they, I always like joke, like, a man in LA could be drowning and you could be like, I'll throw you a life wrapped and they will just die to not talk to you. They'd be like, I don't have a job. I've nothing to live for. But like here I feel like I'm getting like I've been going to this restaurant a lot for breakfast. And like two times this week a man sat next to me at the bar with his book and like chatted me up, asked me to I was reading. And I was like, oh, men talk to you. That's really lovely.

I was just on the subway and the way here and this woman started performing like they do. She really had her music and she was going. And this guy like caught my eye and like gave me a. a look, like connecting over this lady doing it. Like, he, like, locked eyes with me. And, like, I mean, I don't know. Like, if we were both single, would we have, like, kind of gotten off the train and talked about that? Like, you know, let her cook kind of thing. Like, he made, he wanted to share a, like, moment with me. And I was like, oh, my goodness. I'm back. So, so do you there. So for all those reasons, I'm thrilled. It's the right place for me.

I'm closer to my family. Just time zone wise. I'm closer to your family. Timezone wise. I'm truly the only deficit in my life is you. And like I joke before like, you know, it's like an electoral college. It's like you are one person, but you have more votes. So that's the only bad thing in my life being here is I'm not with you day to day. And if I hang out with our friends without you, I feel like I'm committing treason. But other than that, I mean, it's good. It's where I'm meant to be.

And, you know, I got so many messages from our listeners being like, you know, you inspired me to move this and that. And this was an easy move for me. It was just sort of like a lateral move. We have a life built in here. We have work built in here. So it wasn't so brave to just come back to where I always was. But for the most part, I love it. And I feel like you're tipping.

I don't know what to do. You guys, I'm just, I want to be honest. It's a real struggle. I am, like, really struggling with the decision. And Shishon can go either way, too. Yeah. So, like, there's no one really, like, honestly, if he just got, like, a new job, that would be great.

Yeah. Like, I'd be like, okay, let's go, you know. But he can kind of do a few different things. Like, we both could go either way. And so, and we both see the positives and negatives. It's like I'm struggling with it so much. And then I'm like upset at myself that I can't figure it out too. And obviously, I want to be here with you. I really love coming to this studio. I love all of our friends here. The weather is a big part of it. I mean, I really think it's hard to live in L.A. for an extended period of time, which is now, over three and a half years and get used to that and just not have it anymore. And New York has gotten worse. I actually think if I could be guaranteed to come back to the New York I lived in three years ago, I'd be sold. Like the winters are worse and the summers are worse. And it's so much rainier. It's a subtropical climate. Like I don't want to shit on it. But it's tough when the weather is bad. And then it's also like you have to walk around a lot. And it's harder life anyway. So you add the weather on top of it. It's just become a little bit more difficult to live here.

But I would be moving here with a partner. Yeah. And that would help with manual labor and the dog and all the things. Downgrading the space. Like I just feel like I fall in love more with our house in L.A. every day. And I love like the restaurants we go to in the weekend trips going to Montecito. Like it feels like a dream. I really want to have both.

I mean, this is so many people's struggle. If you really do genuinely love both in your heart of any cities, but New York gonna like, I mean, I validated. The weather has like a huge effect on my life. I said to Jeremy the other day, I was like, so this is just it. We never get good weather here. Like it's a thousand degrees humidity here or it's two degrees, but either way, we're just gonna fight for our lives. Like, I've been taking my walks really in the morning, like it ate in the morning and then like in the evening I'll take my walks. But like, it's pretty unpleasant. I know. And it's, I mean, New York is just hard. It's just a harder life. Like, I'm trying to decide if I want the hard. I'm trying to decide what I want my life to look like. I am trying to decide what my life to look like. I am I'm trying to decide what my next career move is. I mean, in addition to the podcast, of course, but like I'm just feel like I'm really at a crossroads and trying to really do what's like true to me and what I want. And again, with like you being the driving force and this podcast. Yeah, it's interesting. So we will figure it out, probably. But I wanted to share this. Someone just texted me like a friend I had drinks with last night who was like, you should just do it. Just move here. That's so funny.

She was like, just do it. And she just texts me like, I swear the smoke usually isn't this bad. Oh, I've never seen it. So as we're here now, we're dealing with like wildfire smoke from Canada. It's like hazy and it's just funny that she just texted. You know that. I know that the smoke's never like this. Yeah, exactly.

Like, I lived here, but it has gotten worse because climate change is real. Also, like, living with a partner is not the same. Like, I really, I was panicked. When I was packing, I had like 181 boxes come here. And some of those were like, I had a lampshade at a box. I mean, a lot of stuff was like that. But, like, yeah. I was fucking panic-stricken moving here being like, I don't know what to do with all this stuff.

I know. And I'm by myself. Right. So it's tough. Like I'm seeing some apartments and I'll share an anecdote about what happened at one. And I'm like in this space like really trying to picture it, think of how we would do it, like fit everything. But this apartment that I saw is really great. It feels like it would be the one.

It actually feels like the closest thing to our LA house in terms of like the outdoor space. The parking, I've never seen parking garage in the building. You have to pay for the spot. but it's right there. Yeah. It's nice. I bet it was 30 seconds door to car.

And if you guys don't know, like parking, like for example, in my building, I don't have a car here. Parking is $900 for a spot per month in my building.

Oh, there is. Okay. So, yeah, but it's 900. Who the fuck could afford that? This spot? 425? Insane. Insane.

That's Brooklyn, baby. I mean, that's, that sounds like a lot of money. Obviously, parking your car for $4.25 a month sounds like a lot of money, but not here. It's not.

It's like free here. Rainy keeps joking that I've been explaining. Brooklyn to her, but you know. So I just want to share one thing. This lady showed me this apartment. She was super kind. She'd been like checking in on me. They actually lowered the price. She messaged me about it. She just was like really responsive and really nice. They aren't always. Like sometimes these people like won't even write you back, you know. It can be really hard, by the way. That can be really hard and really discouraging and like heartbreaking like apartment search. But this one's been on the market, you know. And I was really.

patient. She spent lots of time with me, showed me all the buildings, amenities, all the things, whatever. And I'd seen most of the apartment and I hadn't told her what I did for work, but I told her I was self-employed and I didn't tell her anything that Shoshan did. I just mentioned my husband and were standing in the kitchen and about to kind of like wrap up the tour. And she was like, so the application process is like pretty easy. This is a rental building. You're not running from like an owner or whatever. And she was like, so would it be you and your husband? And then I hear go, or would we just do? And I'm like, surely she's going to say or would it just be you on the application? Right. Obviously. And she goes.

Or we should probably just have your husband do it because you're self-employed. 2026 can your husband sign for you? In New York City, 2026. Also, you're not, no offense, you're not 25. You look like good adult. Okay. Well, part of me was just like insulted, but the other part of me was like, am I giving trophy wife? Am I giving lady of leisure?

Okay. Walked here with a big budget to look for an apartment for my husband. Am I giving 25? She just seems so light and airy she couldn't possibly have a job. Here I thought I was stomping around, 43 years old looking like a boss lady. And she thinks that my husband needs to sign for me. She's like, this little girly, she just seems unburdened by jobs in HR departments. Didn't hate it.

honestly I only saw this through a negative lens and now I'm kind of insulted that people assume that I work for myself. It's like when I don't get carded. I'm like, uh, hello. Hello. Do you not want to card me? They're like, no, you're fine. I'm like, no, do it. Card me.

No, like, I'm a trophy wife. What are you wearing? Well, I was really casual. I'm sure if I'd been in a power suit in 96 degrees, but I was in a jeans skirt and flip-lops like everyone else. I just, I found this so shocking because, first of all, in New York City, everybody works. It's, you don't meet a lot of people. I don't come across, it's not LA. I don't come a lot across a lot of people. They're just like, girlies that don't work. And more than half the people that I know work for themselves. Their content creators, their podcasters, like, yes, you

obviously, like run up against something kind of crazy. So, I mean, the way that you guys, you and I get paid is a little crazy. Yeah, we have to get, like, in a letter from our business manager that proves we have the money. I mean, they can also, they look at your bank statements, too. Yes. But. just having money in your bank, like, doesn't really mean anything. They need to see that you have, what's the word for it? Like, that you will be employed for a while. Yeah.

So, like, the last department I applied. Yeah, the last department I applied for, they needed our agents from WME to submit something saying you and I had a tour coming up, our business managers. Like, I needed a lot. It wasn't just, like, have money in the bank and you can't pay a year ahead because then you squatters rights. So, like, that won't matter. Don't do that anyway.

It would no leverage. I've heard people, even, one of our friends was like, I offered a pay in advance. I was like, never do that. you have no leverage because I withheld my right years ago because all the stuff was going wrong with the building. But yeah, I mean, it's because people will make a bunch of money off something and right an apartment they can't afford. And then in like six months to a year, they can't afford it anymore.

I mean, that happens and that's what they're trying to prevent. But I just thought it was crazy because you're right. To your point about the age, I really do think if I look like I was in my 20s, it's a little more understandable. But women in their 20s are also ball in. Printing money. just was like it would have made a little more sense, but I was surprised because I think I'd give off like an authoritative vibe. Yeah, Ashley, obviously. And she was out here. Should we wait

for your husband? I don't think anybody's like, Rain is the boss. I don't think anybody thinks that. But I'm like, no, I literally was like, I've never had people think this about me that I would be, because we have, I'm thinking of a friend who has a rich husband, who doesn't work, who I can see her vetting places. She is a great. She decorates their homes. She would go first and then be like he's going to come. Of course. Because Shonka's going to come tomorrow and see it.

So I could see. Like that's what she thought was happening here. You're just so tall and authoritative. It's just like I feel like this woman meets people all day, every day. Also, she's like, I know people. And if I know one thing, this girl is unemployed. That's crazy. That's crazy.

I was like, oh. Cutie. I don't even need to see this play. okay he needs to apologize to me okay well that's that's the update you guys will you know keep you along in the journey yeah the next few episodes you guys watch will be based in L.A also at our Dear Media studios this is a Dear Media production you guys if you didn't know um okay speaking of Jamaica so stupid

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And my whole bed is outfitted by Helix, by the way. It is also the pillows and the mattress topper. And I just absolutely love everything they do. And they have tons of stuff to choose from on Helix. So if you go to their website, they have over 20 mattress models that you can choose from. So you'll go to their site. You'll take a quiz that just takes like two seconds. And you will talk about if you sleep heavy.

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of an exchange. Crazy. Or a return. And it's award winning. So it is the most awarded mattress brand that there is. So right now you can get 20% off sitewide. Go to HelixSleep.com slash GGE for 20% off sitewide. Okay. So let's get into our topic. Relationship Ruts. I'm excited about this topic. This is really like an outline I felt like I had the most like pleasure doing it in a long time. Because you and I've done a lot of episodes about like should I stay or should I go. And like where's the line? And am I just bored or is this relationship over? Yeah.

Should I break up with him? Yeah. We've done so much of that. But like we really haven't done like a rut. Like I'm just, I don't want to leave this relationship. I still love this person. I don't feel like I'm out on this person. And like how normal is this?

And like how do you sense it? How do you come back from it? And so I was really excited to do this and poll you guys. And per usual, you just all delivered. I mean, we got tens of thousands of responses about this. And it was really beautiful. So thank you for sharing your relationship stories. Yeah.

And we asked you guys what topics you wanted to hear on upcoming episodes. And we are taking them all in mind, a lot of, like, health stuff. But it's interesting to see how the topics have changed as we have gotten a hold hard. You know, you had the same thought, too. I mean, I don't know, eight years ago, it would have been like dating apps and blow jobs. And of course, we're still going to talk about all that stuff too. But it feels like our audience has really grown up with us. And it's less dating, meeting men in the wild, which that's still is important. I'll still hold it down, you guys. Yeah. But it's like long-term relationships. Like, how to keep the spark alive. And that's why we did an episode a few months back about how often couples are really having sex. Because I think people are wondering, am I normal? It was our relationship on the rocks. and am I supposed to feel this way and are other people feeling this way? A lot more stuff with kids I saw.

I was really glad that we'd stossia on a couple weeks ago and she just is pretty honest about motherhood and what she feels like doing and not doing and a lot of requests for perimenopause type of episode. So we will focus on wellness, health, things like that. Like, we hear you guys. We want to do it, so we will. Yeah.

And the guest you guys recommended, we just, we don't put those types of questions slides up for no reason. We really do take it all to heart. It's just that everybody's out of town this summer and I'm really sick of it. fucked off this summer. So crazy.

Yeah. So we made a lot of promises for the fall, though. I'm out. We're out to like 25 people and everybody's like, I'll do it in September. I'm like, God damn it. Yeah. So this could be your last solo. You guys enjoy it.

But you guys do like the solos. That's actually probably the number one piece of feedback is more solos. I know, I know. I just find this really interesting. I mean, I think that you just hear all the time, marriages are hard. Marriages are such hard work. Like, marriages are so hard. Marriage is so, so hard.

It's torture. It's a death sentence. But it's worth it, but I love him. And I just, I think that you're talking about having kids. I don't know. Like, I like to say that long-term relationships can be challenging, are challenging. I like to use that language because it should mean you're up for the challenge as opposed to like these are so hard. Uh-huh.

Sure, that's not true. It's marriages are hard kids, all the whole, all the things. But I just think in general, like the longer relationships go on, the more challenging. Gene, they can be. And they can really ebb and flow. And I would think if you talk to any couple, 10, 20, 30, 40 plus years married, they would tell you about times when they almost got divorced. I was listening to this couple's therapist. We're going to have on, he was on Liz Moody's podcast. He's wonderful. His name is Zach. And I listened to the whole episode he did with Liz. And then she introduced us and we're going to have him on. And he cited three times in his marriage with

his wife where they discussed breaking up. And that's not everybody's. story. But I've talked to my mom about this and times that were really close to that point. I think everyone has this story. So it's really normal. And some people don't. And some people are like divorce is not an option. But a lot of couples long term are like we almost didn't make it past this thing. The thing, I mean, you and I have like a front receipt at the moment because this is our age. But like a lot of our friends have their first child. And so many people in my life have said to me like, this has been the worst test on our marriage. Like, yeah, we can't leave the house after 6.30 p.m. There's no, like, checking in with each other deep conversations. It's just,

like, we got to put our heads down and get through this. And so many of my girlfriends have just been like, I have the best husband in the world, but I look at him and I'm like, I hate you. I fucking hate you. What are you good for? Like, it's such a test. And, you know, when you segue from spontaneous desire with a partner, which just means, like, they walk in a room and you are fucking on site to responsive desire, which is like, it needs a little bit more. And And couples, you know, it's just, it's monotonous, you know, that you had sex with somebody probably hundreds of times. I know. It gets boring.

You're coming home to the house that you both share. You're not traveling, going long distance as much. And this is just so normal. There's no couple that has been together. Even several years, I won't just tell you, I just life got in the way. I got into a rut, you know? And the difference for me and, like, we'll go through this between like, is this over or is this a rut is like, are you committed to working on it? Is this a person you want to be with?

Are you both committed to working on it? Because we asked people, like, what were the signs? And no one said, I fell out of love. I didn't, I hated this person. It was sort of just like, even I don't want to be around this person, I think you can push past that if you, if you want to. Right. You don't have to. Yeah.

Sometimes it is just over. Right. Yeah. So people really do fall out of love. I feel like we fell out of love is like, did your parents say that when they sat you down about the divorce? My mom was just like, we fell out of love with each other. We love with each other. We love you.

I don't. You know, your dad does. I knew someone was coming. I watched you look down and think of the tag in real time. I wrote this tag and I was like, what did I say? My parents were like, this has nothing to do with how much we love you. Well, your mom, it does. But not me.

Your dad. My dad was like, not me. I will always love you. Probably. My mom's like, I will raise you, but I will not like you. Just so they were clear. Oh, my God. But did they say we fell out of love?

It just when I hear we fell out of love, I picture two parents. and sitting their kids down and telling them we get divorced. So I was four, and I don't know that you'd, I don't know that you'd introduce that concept to a four-year-old. I just, I think maybe like a 10-year-old. Yeah, that's true. Okay, you're right, you're right. I think I was too young, and I don't know that my parents were ever, like, super

in love with each other to be completely honest. I think that they, I mean, I'm not trying to, like, really put them on blast, but my parents were married other people before they married each other. I think they met at a time where, like, made sense. Everybody was having kids. They were both Jewish and lived in a certain community, and it, like, it made sense. You guys, that's very funny because you were just their kid era. Like they had other marriages, but they had two kids together.

Like, you don't have a half-brother. Like, they came together, made two children and were like, got out. And they married other people. They were just like, bye. And they were married before that. Like, it's very funny. Like, the middle marriage, they were like, we should do the kid thing. Bye.

It's just funny because it's like you would have thought with all those other marriages in the mix, like you would have a half-sibling. Or you do. No, you don't. You've step siblings. I have three step siblings. That's right. Yeah.

But I think that, you know, when you hear people say, like, I knew it was over, like, when you think about this ending, do you feel a huge weight off? Or can you not imagine your life without this person? And those are, like, different feelings. And I think that, you know, a lot of people are pretty clear whether you'll admit it to yourself or not if you've outgrown this marriage. Yeah. Or if you just need to change or find things outside of the marriage to make you happy.

And your parents have always been so great at that of having, like, separate lives. Yeah. And they come home and they have something to talk about. I think that's, there's. secret. Their hardest point was recently my mom said the first year marriage was really hard on them.

Her dad died and I just don't know like I mean I think my parents really support each other but I don't know if like it was maybe my dad knew how to support her in that time and then when my dad's brother died

I think that was really hard too. I think my dad is just a boomer who is not that emotional. I mean, I think he's a great father and husband, but he's not super emotional and in touch. And I think he can be a little closed off. And so I think the losses they had in the marriage were tough on both of them. But they obviously got through it. Wait, I just want to just want to tell you, because when you were listening to this, you will hear this. You said the first year of marriage was hard. And I said was that when you were born. And I didn't mean because of you, I meant that did they have a child right away? I was like, she's going to hear this. I was sorry.

I hate when I don't catch stuff. You know, but I meant like, did they have a child in their first year of marriage? No. No. Okay. My parents actually, I feel like we're a little bit ahead of their time and that they waited four years. Oh, mine were seven.

My parents waited seven years. That's crazy. I know. Well, my mom got pregnant three times and lost the baby. Okay. Right. Yeah. But still, like, I think my parents got married like late 20s, 27-ish maybe.

And then my mom didn't have me to like 31. It was at least three years that they were without kids and just enjoying being newlyweds, minus that first year, I guess. But recently my dad's health, well, I mean, my parents are aging. My dad just turned 75, but he's hip. And he got a hip replacement, as you guys all know, if you've been around and he's doing great. But it was two years where he needed one and he was procrastinating and he was in chronic pain and then he's drinking more. And I'd hate to say he takes it out of my mom. It's just, she's the person there around the clock.

And he's frustrated and he feels he had such a loss of identity. I mean, it was everything bad outside of like a chronic diagnosis, you know, like in terms of just like him not being able to work on the farm, him not being able to ski, like do all the things that make him happy. And I think she she talked to me about it a little bit. I mean, she likes to tread lightly like I'm her kid, but I'm her friend too and how hard it was. And I don't know how much longer they could have endured it. Like, if my dad just never got the hip replacement and just was like, I'm just going to live like this forever, I hate to even say it makes me want to cry to think about. I mean, because my parents are just on this pedestal of marriage, I mean, 40 plus years. And he got it done.

And I think it's improved a lot. But even being around them in those, that year or two, like I could feel some contempt and just feel like they weren't joking around and didn't enjoy each other as much as they're mad at each other. Yeah. And I mean, how could you? I mean, I was always like, okay, with your dad, like, how could you think about anything else if you're, in chronic pain, but your mom's still a person. She still exists. She still needs. And I actually wonder if you bucketed it out, if the three worst times kind of in people's marriages or like the rut times where you're, when you first have kids,

when your kids first go away, like when the kids leave the house. Because I think that you can really ride on logistics for a lot of years. Totally. Like the who's picking up who and who's walking the dog and like what are our kids doing. You could ride that out for a lot of years. And then and then this case. It depends on what kind of kids you have, but then are your kids playing sports or going to college and then you just have so much to focus on. And then there's nothing. And then nothing. And I wonder if like that's the second bucket and the third is this late stage in life where like somebody's sick or not getting well. And you're like I didn't, I remember like my mom saying about my stepdad getting sick. She said I didn't sign up for this. And I was like,

you quite literally signed up for this. You signed a marriage certificate. You literally physically signed up for this. Yeah. But I think that when what she meant was like, you know, when I, when you marry somebody, you don't think like, oh, I'm going to have to like physically take care of this person. They're not going to be the same person I married physically. It changes who they are. And it's an unkind thing to say, but I do think some people have that thought. Yeah, it's an interesting thing to say also getting married later in life. Like you might say that in your 20s, you know, but you still always are.

That's truly it. I mean, if you want it to last forever, you're signing to change the, what is it, colostomy bags? Yeah. What are they? I don't know. Colostomy. Yeah, something like that. But I think also.

We're talking about like longer parent age marriages, but you see divorces at 30. A lot. A lot. And those are you got married early 20s. And then, you know, a lot of people, I mean, you got married 22. You have your Saturn returns 27 is five years down the road. And then things could shift for you then if you're into that woo-woo stuff, which I really do believe in like just a shift in your life at 27 and questioning what's my purpose and what am I doing. And then it could affect your marriage if you don't grow in the same direction.

And then you're divorced by 30. We see it all the time. I've known a lot of people that were together for like eight, nine, 10 years and got married and then got divorced within one year. Yeah. I know like four people that did that. But like you do, it's like 30 is at middle age. Obviously like 40. 40 is middle age.

But I'm, I think so, 45. Just kidding. Yeah. But I think a lot of people at 40 have that crisis moment or like, is this it? But like 30, I also understand being. like, oh no, what did I sign up for? Yeah. Because 30s, I think, you really figure out what you're about. And you are really not the same person you were in your 20s and also in your 40s, of course. I mean, so we asked you guys, you know, just based on your relationships, like, have you been in a rut?

What did the symptoms look like? What were the causes? And then what were the solutions? And obviously, we peppered in like, you know, a breakup versus a rut. And I think we kind of covered that. But I think the main question is like trying to figure out if it's worth like staying in. And I feel like these happen when the relationships feel monotonous and more like a routine than a relationship. And monotony can be healthy. It can mean security and stability, but it could also be a breeding ground for boredom and a disconnect, like an emotional disconnection with your partner. Yeah. I mean, we saw this bucketed out into a lot of different things. I mean, we said, you know, did you start to know that you were in a rut? And this was just a huge like landscape of what people

were feeling. And, you know, one thing that came up again and again and again was contempt. Just I feel a lot of contempt for this. I'm angry all the time. And I do think we can back up and like, you know, address each thing. But that came up a lot. And the idea of just monotony just came up so much. We just do the same thing over and over and over again. But that's what you can fix. And we'll like talk about that today. But if you guys know, No, I mean, the Gottman's are probably the most famous relationship therapist that there are. And you've probably heard this before, that the four horsemen in a relationship to kind of predict that it's going to end are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. And that's not to say if all those four things are happening in your relationship, you can't work it out.

But those are signs. The hardest thing for me is resentment and contempt to get past. Like so many other things came up that we'll talk about, but just so. sort of just apathy overall, like just a total lack of wanting to share or hear about your partner. Like, I do think those things can be fixed, feeling monotony, feeling like our whole life is about logistics. There's so much this can be fixed. Resentment and contempt is, it's tough because you're just like, I mean, unless it's the early stages of like having children and you're just like, I'm just going to, life is hard. I'm going to be mad at the person that did this to me.

And it's you. Yeah. And I mean, that can take, obviously, communication with your partner, therapy in some cases, inner work. Like, I think about my mom. I mean, the problem got solved, but is she kind of pissed that you treated her like a certain type of way for a year or two? You know, like that is really can build up, you know, like were you down and out with your job and took it out on me for a fucking year? You know, like that stuff really can build up where you maybe feel like someone stole some months or years of your life dealing with their own shit and you bearing the brunt of it. and then it gets fixed, you get a new hip or you get a new job or you make more money. Yeah. But you're resentful of the way it was before because that wasn't fair.

Yeah. I think you have to go to therapy and talk about that stuff. I mean, we'll get into like the solutions. But I mean, the number one thing that every single person says is like, this sucks. You have to communicate. You just have to talk about it. Yeah. Go to therapy.

If you can't afford therapy, obviously there's other solutions and tools. But like this stuff sucks and you just carrying that resentment and the contempt around with you, it's just like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. is like it's just going to seep into everything. A lot of people said, you know, I just felt emotionally withdrawn, whether it was, you know, from wanting to ask them about their day

or share about my day. And I think that can also, you know, you evaluate, am I just unhappy with myself? Do I not want to share what's going on with me? I've dated people that my professional success just made them unhappy. It's not that I don't think that they were happy for me.

It's just a held up candle up to their non-success. Yeah. And that's really hard. Some other stuff that came up a lot, just a loss of connection overall. Yeah. And just feeling like, you know, things have gone stagnant, lots of logistical talk. Looking for escapes constantly.

I mean, I realize that in a past relationship that I had that was toxic, that I really wanted to get out of town to, like, get out of the toxic cycle and just get away from him. Yeah. This came up time and time again from you guys also that I didn't want to be alone with them. Yeah. I just, I was constantly looking for reasons to have friends over. and if we didn't have plans. I got excited when they were leaving and I got sad when they came back.

Like this came up time and time and time again. Like not even caring what they do in their free time as long as I didn't have to participate in it. Oh my gosh. Yeah. This came up a lot. Yeah. A lot of just general agitation over even mundane stuff. Like I'm just annoyed all the time.

Like somebody could breathe and you're like, I'll kill you. Yeah. Right. And we asked you guys, but if we were just out of curiosity, long-term couples who have experienced, to relationship rut, when did this first happen? And I mean, we'll give you the results, but it's tough to say. My goal in wanting to ask this question was like, I want to talk to couples who have been together 10 plus years at least and when did this happen. But 41% of people said within two or three years, 24% said three to four years, 18% said four to five years, and then

18% said six plus years. But these could be coming from couples who are just together two or three years and have been through a rut. But I'd still just want to validate it that these things can happen early. You can qualify a rut anything you want to qualify it. Like some people had sex every day, twice a day, and now you're just not anymore because the honeymoon phase is over. You're not necessarily in a rut. It's just you've kind of settled into life. I mean, the honeymoon phase will end for most people, especially if you have children, especially if you've had a long-distance relationship and you move in together. Like, life just becomes monotonous. And you can have somebody that thrills you every day and excites you, but that's not really real life.

stable relationships are boring. It's on you to make them exciting. If you really are stable and healthy and you don't have a much of conflict and drama and toxicity, that's quote unquote boring. You have to do the things that make you guys both excited. It's on you. Yes. So, I mean, I guess it depends what your bar is for like a rut. Like, are you going to be thrilled over the moon pussy dripping to jump all over each other? Every single weekend is a crazy thing that you've never done before, experienced before. You're doing date nights. three days a week. Like, that's going to end. Yeah. For most people. Kudos to you guys if that's not your case for you. But it will end for most people. There's nobody that's been with somebody for a substantial amount of time that isn't like,

yeah, we went through some times it sucked and I hate them. Totally, totally. And then we asked you guys what you feel like this is the biggest contributor. I mean, just life, obviously kids, work, moving in together, money. Like Rayna had mentioned before, just things just feel logistical. You feel like routine or roommates as opposed to romantic parts. partners and all the things. Complacency. Complacency came up. I mean, these are the first three you said. They came up over and over and over again. Complacency just really feeling like you just

come home every day and do the same thing. And, you know, just a lot of monotony. And it's like, well, we come home and we're both on our phones. Phones came up so much that I come home or we're just on our phones. And like, we don't make dinner together. We don't ever put the phones down. Like one of us walks the dog. The other one doesn't. It's just, you know, you get into this routine of like, who's going to walk the dog? What's. What's the scheduling? Who do we have plans with? And you forget that you're like, you should always date each other. You've got to stop doing all this. And I do it too. We get into this thing. Like I'm like, okay, I will check myself of like we have had too many nights where now in a row where we've gotten into bed and scrolled. This is not sexy. And we realize that. I mean, we've gotten to points where we're like our life just feels kind of like we don't have a lot going on, social plans. And we do a lot. And we always make sure to have a date night at least like once a week. And we, yeah, we travel. when we do all the things. But it's just like, it's been a lot of nights where we're just like,

we're cooking dinner, we're watching TV. And that's on me too. Like, I think actually should be happy with doing that every night. But I want to do more and get out and be social and things like that. But we both agree that we want to make a shift or make a change or you have to be aligned with it. Like, if you were like, I really hate that all we do is sit around and scroll and they don't care. That's tough. Yeah. Then you're really best aligned about how you want to your lives. Not every. day can be the craziest day of your life. But I saw this couple that, and I do want to like, obviously, this is positive and I want to get into solutions, but she said once a month, one of us, we take turns

just planning something like crazy, just like a crazy date night that's outside of the realm of what we normally do. And to me, that feels attainable. Once a month, I have this thing to look forward to because the average person does not have the money to be running around all the time. And you've work in the morning. You can't just be like going crazy, but to come home and make dinner separately and sit on your phones and not talk to each other. I mean, life is long. You know how about dinner. You know we have a dinner theory. You're not planning dinner together. What are you doing?

Literally, what are you doing? I mean, I think you should have a date night once a week if you can. And that doesn't mean go out to an expensive restaurant. That can be going out to somewhere cheap. I mean, there's so many cheap options or even just going out and getting a beer at a dive bar or cooking at home. Like, really setting that aside. I think it should be once a week. But also, you might be busy and you can't do it and that's okay, too.

Like, you shouldn't feel pressure in your relationship to keep. up with some sort of schedule. I think you should try for once a week at least. You look forward to it. I mean, once a week also, and somebody suggested this in like solutions. Somebody just said like, our date nights are at home, but like we commit to not being on the phone. We watch something we wouldn't normally watch. We try to like really catch up about each other's weeks. I also saw somebody say our date nights are Monday mornings. We just start our week off. I love that. With breakfast, we got to breakfast somewhere and just like spend one hour just us, not on the phone. Like I never thought about that. You could do morning date nights? I thought that was really cute to just kick your week off

like that. Yeah. Shishon could I try. once a week to both get up and have a coffee before he goes to work. Like it doesn't always work out like that. Sometimes he goes in a little bit earlier or I need to sleep later, but we really at least try to have like coffee together one morning. It's nice. Also I want to say like I know this stuff is harder with kids, you guys. So just, you know, we validate that. I think something that came up a lot and this feels like more of a pervasive issue is just feeling unseen, unappreciated. Like, I think we all want to be told no matter how long we've been with somebody. You look beautiful today. I appreciate this thing you did. This dinner you cooked is amazing. How is your day today? I'm excited to see you later. And it's so

natural after being with somebody for so many years. You just forget to say that stuff. And like, think to yourself, like, they know that I appreciate them. But like how many girlfriends of ours have just said, like, they don't ever tell me I look nice. Like, they don't say thank you. Yeah. It's, I don't know. That's when I think that people start looking elsewhere for attention. Yeah. Like how you answer the phone when they call. I mean, how you greet them. Like, I always, I'm like, I want to always make sure I get up when Shishon comes home from work and walks in the door and give him a kiss, as opposed to sitting on the couch and being on my computer or being on my phone and, like, just looking up. Like, I want to physically get up and greet him. That's not that hard. Yeah. But I think it's impactful. No,

it's impactful. I think people just start to feel like I'm a piece of furniture in this house. Yeah. And nobody acknowledges me. especially when you become a mom. I think people are just like, I'm mom. I have to cook for everybody. I have to do everybody's laundry. I have to clean. Like, can somebody just tell me how appreciated I am, you know?

Yeah. And I think someone might be hearing that and they're going to be like, we've been married for 20 years. I'm not getting up when he walks in. But it's like, yeah, but think about the couple that still does that after 20 years. Those are the ones that we're trying to be like. You know, like, those are the couples that you're like, oh, my gosh. She goes and greets him when he walks in the door.

They've been together for 20 years. It's like, that's who you want to be like. So why not do it. every fucking day. I agree. And, you know, when we did this episode, I actually don't think I even put this in the slides when we did the polls. We wanted to remove sex.

Like, a sexual rut is different than a rut. And I don't think we actually put that in the verbiage. And I was surprised because it didn't come up that much. Like, when people said ruts, it was lack of intimacy, but not lack of sex, really. And a lot of people said, like, it started to be a lack of intimacy, holding my hand, wanting to spend time with me. Obviously, sex dissipates over. time. And so it didn't come up as much or saying the only time I felt connected to them was

doing sex. And I've had relationships like that before too where you're just like, I don't feel like you love me ever except when we're having sex. But intimacy came up a lot. And I think that that's another thing that is just a little bit of an easier fix. Like just put your arm around somebody, kiss them, things like that. You know, people, I just, I have a nuanced view of cheating and I never think it's okay. But I do understand how people start to look for attention elsewhere after a long time. We all want to feel attractive and valuable. Yeah, and you really need to make time for the intimacy, I mean, and the sex, but to start with intimacy. We talked about this recently on an episode with our favorite professor, Dr. Nicole McNichols, you could be having better sex. That was on

March 23rd. And schedule sex, sure, we've talked about this so many different times in this podcast about scheduling sex. And a lot of people said that's what they do. But even just the scheduling of the intimacy, that could probably lead to sex. I feel like. Like that's how my relationship works. Like when we spend time, phones are away, TV is off, we're sitting on the couch, maybe we're having a glass of wine and a beer or even not, but we're really just spending that time with just each other. It usually leads to sex or at least we feel more connected.

And sex is important. Like, I mean, we've been together three years now plus and been married, obviously, since last November and just, obviously, we don't have sex as much. We live together. we're super busy. And so it's just, I have to always be like, we, this is important. And you feel so much more connected afterwards. We do. You know, so we talked about it before. Like, if you are that once a week couple, couple, really try to do it. And really try to do it the day that works best. If it's a Sunday afternoon, that couple's therapist I mentioned that we had on, he, I think him and his wife have sex Wednesday and Sunday.

I think that's, we all have one. We'll talk about it. And like, is, or was he talking about another couple? I don't want to misquote him, but it was like one, one day is for her and once for him. And again, they both enjoy it, but it's like they kind of, it's more what she wants on the Wednesday and what he wants on the Sunday. It was something like that. But you don't have to have appointments and calendar invites, but really just the time with the phones away, the TV off, just the two of you being physically close can lead to sex or not, but at least you'll feel more connected.

Yeah. But, you know, just in general, like, you know, we asked you guys, like, how did you know it was just a rut? And a lot of people just said, you know, we both wanted to work. We both wanted to go to therapy. I knew it wasn't their personality. It was just circumstances. I think that's a huge one.

Absolutely. Like, is it them or is it the circumstances? I wanted to fix it. I didn't feel indifferent. I mean, we all know that feeling of like, I don't care. Fix her or don't. It doesn't matter. Like, it felt like temporary uncomfortability as opposed to like, I didn't care if it worked.

We both felt like it was the end and couldn't say it. I feel like a huge weight off when I think about not being in this relationship again. And I think just to validate this. Everybody goes through this. Everybody. Like, there is a way back for most of these things, except for when you're just like, I don't like them and I'm a worse version of myself because of this person. And there's plenty of reasons to leave.

Yeah. But for those that want to stay. Well, I put together six questions to ask yourself. Okay. And then I also put together three high, medium, and low budget slash effort ways. Okay. Okay. Okay.

The first question, we've said it, but just to reiterate it, Do you feel a sense of relief when you think about not being with him? We do this with everything. Take a job, go in a trip. Do you actually think about not being with them? Do you feel a sense of relief instead of sadness, anxiety, whatever the other negative emotions are, is the primary feeling relief? That's a tell.

Okay. Do you often think there is someone better out there for you or something isn't right here and it's persistent? Because I feel like we all have doubts from time to time. Like we have crazy thoughts, but is it that nagging feeling? And when are you feeling it? Because I have darker thoughts when it's not sunny out. I have darker thoughts when I'm tired, where I've been drinking a lot, like the state of the world, when I'm overwhelmed with work.

Like when you are your version of happy, the sun is shining, you're feeling good, and you still feel that way. That's a tell. Okay. Okay. These are great. Three, picture your life without them and how do you feel? I'll take. But picture it.

Sit down, close your eyes and visualize it. And then on that same note, think about something really bad. happening. Think about the death of a parent. Think about your dog gets sick, like really the worst thing. Like that, like bad, bad thing. Death, sickness. And would you want them by your side as your primary person? And I say primary person. I think that's important. Like that's the person you're going to live with, but you don't have to. You know, of course, you can, you don't have to cohabitate. But you're going to sign up to be with them forever. If that's what you want is marriage. Like, are they you the person you'd want by your side? I think it is so huge. Have you grown in the same direction? Are you equally as evolved as humans or have you stopped being able to relate to each other? And I think that's what we see a lot with that when you get married in your 20s and you just don't grow in the same direction. Like, are you just bickering? You don't feel the same way.

You don't have the same value system anymore and you feel like you've left them behind. You just kind of coexist. And we see this all the time when you get married really young. I mean, just we don't have the same hobbies. We don't like the same stuff. One person likes to drink a lot more than the other person. We think about money differently, you know? When we have Zach on, the couple's therapist, one of the three times when they were considering breaking up was about drinking. So he stopped drinking first and then she hadn't stopped. And it was like kind of surrounding that. It's very fascinating. I want to talk to him about it. And then lastly, do you genuinely enjoy their company 80% of the time? 70% of the time? It's ever going to be 100. More than half of the time. Or would you rather be alone or with your friends? And this goes back to like wanting to leave and never wanting to be alone with them. Like what do you think? 80.

It's 75? Yeah. In that range. Yeah. I mean, I think you don't want to describe for 90. Deep level of contempt all the time and annoyance. And I think that like to tag on to your questions, if nothing changed for the next five years, would you be happy? Yeah.

Like, is this the kind of person you want to sign up to be with for a really long time? And I think, you know, there's little tweaks that you can make in terms of communication therapy does wonders for people. But like if they really didn't change as a person, would you want to stay? Yeah. And I think sex drive can come and go. And that's why I didn't include it. I think that you can feel like you do not want to fuck this person and you can still love them and you can want to stay with them in a healthy relationship and it'll change over time and hormones are a factor. And so we kind of just remove that.

You go really long time you don't want to fuck them. Okay. We can discuss it. But it's just like I don't think when you're like, I don't have sex with them right now, that's like the hugest red flag in the world. Not to me. I mean, also sex drive is a massive spectrum. Like how much you want to have sex, how often you want to have sex. Do you have kids?

I mean, I can't tell you how many people, like, when we've done episodes about kids that said, like, I had kids and I didn't want to be to touch me. I'm always being touched all the time. If my partner touches me, I like, flinch. I know you've got like kids sucking on your nipples. You're like, don't touch them. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, so I guess the big question is like, you know, what helps? And obviously the number one thing that everybody said is therapy, but not everybody can just go to couples therapy and has the time for it and honest communication and blah, blah, blah. But, you know, one of the things we've talked to Esther Perel about this. We've talked to just our friends in relationship. And we talked to Liz Moody about this is just this novelty effect. And, you know, we found that couples that do new and slightly challenging activities together, they report greater relationship satisfaction. So I want to talk about couples that do things outside of the relationship and together. But people that just try to pick up something new, even once a month, like you don't have to do extreme sports, like mountain biking and rock climbing. And certainly plenty of you said that you did do this.

But like, just like, say, I want to learn how to cook Indian food and do that together tonight. And just these really small things, just it brings the newness back. I think that the thing that we love about new relationships is just like the drive and the excitement. And unfortunately, you are never going to get that back after a certain period of time. And so you have to create ways to find novelty. And so maybe that's a trip. Maybe that's cooking a new dish. Maybe it's going to a different farmer's market.

Maybe it's picking a different day of the week to do something. Just take a road trip. I mean, you live in L.A. There's a hundred places you can be at 90 minutes. New York, too. Go to the Hudson Valley, take a train, just like spend the afternoon somewhere. And that will inject some excitement into your life. also finding things for yourself to be happy about.

So if you can find some new friends to hang out with new activities, new interests, new hobbies, you know, Esther Pearl talked on our show that like one of the things that people report that when they love their partner the most is watching them do something outside of themselves. And it's a problem if you only want to do something outside. But having the opportunity to come home and talk to your partner about something you learned or did today that they weren't a part of is so exciting. And hopefully they're happy for you. And if they're not, that's a red flag too. You know, again, that's that growth. Like, if you were trying to improve your life and do new things and pick up new hobbies

and make new friends and excel at your career and make more money, whatever it may be, and they just aren't, that could be their personal rut too. And that doesn't mean the relationship is over. But that's when we talk about growing in different directions because you should be able to do those things and come home and tell them about it and vice versa. And that should strengthen the relationship. Yeah. And to find ways to have little, like, micro connections with your partner and outside of just like

who's taking the kids to school today or like who do we have plans with next week or what does my family need us to do for the holidays like just these little things like inside jokes and ways to be like silly with each other make fun of each other and just these like tiny things where like you always say like you know i don't saturday mornings or sunday mornings you go to the farmer's market every saturday morning place it's just and that's a routine thing but we look forward to it every week and it's like a great i don't know it's like i love that too i love new novelty excitement but then you're this having this cornerstone of the relationship that for us is every Saturday more in the farmer's market.

It's just if you can say like that's our thing, that's our thing. You know, if you can find it. Like that's really nice to be like, we're that couple. And the characters, like we're talking to the farmer's market. You know, like the coffee lady and the pasta guy and the guy with no shoes sitting on the ground. Like, yes, you have those characters in that part of your life too. Like my brother always makes up lyrics to songs and just sings them to my sister-in-law. It's very funny.

He just like makes up alternate. Like, that's their thing. Yeah. He makes up alternate lyrics to songs and she just giggles. And they're just, they're silly together. And they've been together 15, 16 years at this point. Like, they're just silly with each other. Yeah.

And becoming more interesting, too. This is something that Tinks talks about a lot, is reading an article. So you have something discussed at a dinner party or with your friend, but with your partner, both read an article and discuss it. And if they don't want to, weird. It is. Like, I love talking about current events with Shishonk. Like, it's one of the hottest things. You know, he tells me things I may not know.

about and I share the same and he might know a little bit more about this topic and I know more. Like, I like learning new things through him and discussing and understanding more of what he thinks, how his brain works, all that stuff. That stuff is hot too. And that can be done on the couch. It doesn't cost a dime. And if you're both like that, that's what's important. I think some people feel like they don't want to grow at all. But so self-expansion theory, people often feel most alive in relationships when they feel like they're still growing. So learning, traveling, changing careers, meeting new people, taking risks. And I love that you said it doesn't cost anything. Yeah. Read an article outside of something that you don't know.

normally read about and then tell your partner about it. Discuss their thoughts and feelings. I'd like to know what you think about this. Yes. It's hot. So I just came up with, these are not how it takes guys. Don't get excited. But just like low, medium high, budget slash effort of ways to bring this novelty into your life and stuff that sustains you, like stuff you talk about for days, weeks, years to come. So obviously, Lowe is watching a show together. like picking a show, making it your show, phones away. When Pop Culture Jeopardy was on, also Shoshang's family was on the show. But like, we watch Pop Culture Jeopardy.

They put out an episode every day. Like it was live on Netflix. Like every night, sometimes I'd get a glass of wine or he would have a beer. We'd be so excited. We miss those days so much. Because that's an interactive show too. Like that was our show. We miss it every day.

And again, his cousins were on it. And they were honestly the stars of the show. But right now we're doing Widows Bay. And it's just fun. Like it's a little. scary and then we have our jokes about the show like Shashon's like the fog you know like if you watch it you know you know but this is dated now at this point but um we probably finished it but like coming doing the show that's the cheapest way the medium is the activity you've never done and that can

really just be trying a new cuisine a restaurant maybe taking a little road trip to a restaurant that's farther out in a different neighborhood but whatever it is if it's the cooking class or it's the rock climbing or the hike like whatever it is like something new that you both haven't done together or it even can be walking. around a new neighborhood. And then high budget effort is the trip. And it can be a weekend trip, like you mentioned, or it can be a trip trip. I mean, to experience another country and culture with your partner is so exciting, so much

novelty, so hot, and it gives you content and things to discuss and experiences that last. I just think like anything food-based, any adventure, like if you want to sort of be up the middle in terms of price, like in L.A., you can go to Boyle Heights and eat the best Mexican food. You can go to Thai town, Korea town, like explore new areas of your city and just have like a new experience with somebody. In New York, obviously you can go to Queens and Brooklyn and there's a million different cuisines that you can experience. And we asked our audience also, I love what you wrote. We asked our audience what they do. And here's something that like blew my mind and I actually love this idea so much.

Because we just said like an unexpected thing that kept our relationship fun is blank, finish this sentence. Okay. And somebody said hired a house cleaner. Yep. I mean, so I was at this talk the other night about people's sexual relationship. And somebody asked the person, the speaker, like, what turns you on the most? And she was like, well, my husband cleans the house. And, like, she said it as a joke. And the rest of me was like, yes, girl. But like, that's a real thing. We talked about shambo-dram's chore play. Like, when you walk into the house and it is just messy, like, nothing is more agitating to me and less sexy. So hire a house cleaner. Yeah. We have also talked about this for years of just taking it off your plate if you can afford it. And again, someone's got to do the dishes and clean the kids. kitchen after you eat and things like that. But like we have our house cleaner comes every two weeks. I don't want to clean. I mean, I tidy up a very tidy and I really love a really clean house.

But I don't want to do it. I don't want to talk about who's going to do it. And again, not everybody can afford that. But ours is 200 bucks every two weeks. And that $400 is so well spent for us not to have to be, A, be in a clean house all the time. And B, not have to worry or argue about who's to clean and what. Yeah, it just, I think it just puts you in a nice environment, now you're ready to have fun. Yeah. Now you're ready to make fun of each other. I mean, get a

dog. Just a shared responsibility. You know, video games came up kind of a bit, which really made me laugh. Taking weed gummies in playing video games. Our friends, Alyssa. Elizabethan, we were friends. This was the wedding we went to in Cabo recently. Alyssa Amaroso

and her husband, Sean, we found out pretty long into the relationship they were gamers. I did not be it coming. And she's, I mean, I don't want to be like she looks like she looks like she'd be a little high maintenance, but she looks like she'd be a little more high maintenance. She's like a chic fashion girl. He's a doctor. Video games. That's crazy. She's like a influencer fashion person. He's a doctor. That's their secret life is gaming. You know what Shishak used to do a lot in the beginning of the relationship? And I was like, that's so, is sending somebody surprise snacks. Yeah. Or just bring home

surprise snacks. Leave little notes around the house for somebody. Yeah, cards. I have partners that would just like hide notes. that just said like, I love you or have a good day. They slip it in your bag, slip it in your like suitcase when you got to town. Like, man, you feel so noticed and remembered by somebody. It means the world. Bring them home their favorite snack. It's a dollar. It's Doritos.

Oh my God. Like, hey, guys, if you're listening, you go to the gas station, which you should be going to the gas station, fill in a car. I shouldn't ever be pumping gas. I'm a married woman. But like, get her favorite snack. Why not? Yes.

Just these tiny little touches. Cheap, tiny things. I mean, a note's free. Do a note. Just remember to flirt with each other and that kind of stuff and just tell somebody that look nice. Dancing in the kitchen. We have a thing around the house that's like dancing.

There's a little sound effect. It's going to be. This is our secret private life. But we do it when I'm like in my like darkest times and it like I'm laughing by the end of it. Like he knows how to bring me out of like the darkest times. I've had like some things happen recently. probably talk about them on this podcast, maybe like next week or the week after, I've had a loss,

and just, you know, also questioning my life decisions and things like that. But like the really hard stuff, a couple things that have happened this year, like, he comes home and I'm like, I mean, I get up and I kiss him, but I'm like despondent sometimes. And like he knows how to bring me out of it. And he's like, he's cracked the code. I haven't even cracked the code. Sometimes I'm just like, I'm just going to let her cry. Doing Molly and going to raves. Is that Jenny and Micah? I mean, I, a lot of. of people said we just started doing different types of drugs, different type of sexual positions, discussing our sexual fantasies. Like, I do think it's important to not write sex off. You can do

whatever you want, but like I know so many people just say, like, I don't feel like having sex of them anymore. It's a chore. And that's fine. You can do whatever you want in your relationship, but I do encourage people to not write sex off completely. Orgasms are important for your mental health, for your physical health, feeling connected to your partner sexually. And don't write somebody off that, like, they couldn't possibly handle it. Because I've seen couples do that and split up and I always think like what if what if you had just said like I have

these sexual fantasies I'd like to try them what's the harm like they're going to think you're a crazy person though they're not and I know these are really hard and it's much easier said than done but don't just write off sex you know if you really feel like you just hit the end like try sex toys Ashley and I have a great line of sex toys it's called Vives Only go to Vives Only.com

we have flavored oral gels we have lube we have all kinds of couples toys we've handcuffs. I mean, a lot of fun stuff for you guys. We have a sex pillow. Oh, yeah, the sex pillow. Just incorporate something, but don't totally write it off because it's fun. And I feel like couples that I know that go for a long time without having sex always

say like, man, when we do it, I'm like, why don't we do this more? I always say that. Yeah, I'm like, oh, we've got to be doing this more often. I have thought, we've been busy, but I have thought maybe when things settle down to be like Shachonk, we're having sex every day this week, just to just to see. Uh-huh. Let's just see. Let's just say.

I would like couples to try. Maybe you guys are already doing that. We are not doing that. We don't have sex every day. Like we had sex multiple times a day when we were long distance, but those are short periods of time. But we are not a couple, big reveal that have sex every day or even three times a week. We have sex once or twice a week.

That's a crazy amount of times. I've just thought about this. Like, okay, what if we are like every day this week? Let's just see. I wonder what it would do. I think I'm going to do it. I think some sad. So we need to do it.

I think sex begets more sex. Yes, that's what I'm saying. And like once you just start, like, getting the juices flowing, so I think this is an experiment. I'd love you guys to try and leave a comment publicly or message me privately. Like, babe, this week, Monday to Sunday, every day we're going to find the time. We're going to do it. Maybe do it in different places or just every night in the bed missionary.

Just see what happens. I love this. I want to know the results. Okay. But I really do want to circle back to get in a dog because if you have the resources and the time to care for a pet, Again, I wouldn't get a pet if you really think you're going to break up. But I really think it's so fun to have a pet around the house. The voices and the nicknames you have for them and taking care of something together.

Again, though, but if someone, if you break up, then make sure you have it in place of who's going to take the dog. I just want to end with this one email because I do really think it's like a good one. We asked you guys for email submissions and stories of like a point where you were like, is this over? And it wasn't. And we just got one that we really liked and spoke to us and she's younger. So we'll speak to some of our younger audiences. Okay, so she writes in my current fiancé and I have been together for over eight years. We met in college and about two years in we hit a rut.

He's a year older. So after graduation, I moved to his city, joined his gym and spent most of my time with his friends. Somewhere along the way, I realized so much of my identity had become wrapped up in him. About a year after college, I had this overwhelming urge to find myself. I convinced myself our relationship was stagnant and that he was holding me back from becoming the ambitious best version of myself. I wondered if we were only together because we had such a strong connection early on. it was comfortable and the sucks was good. After months of debating whether to leave, I realized finding myself wasn't something I was going to do by ending a relationship. It was something I had to do

by building my own life. I stopped making it about him and started making it about me. I spent years listening to this podcast hosted by two hilarious girls who felt like my big sisters and I decided to actually take their advice. I joined BFF, picked up new hobbies and became less dependent on him. I created a life for myself, one where if he suddenly left tomorrow, it wouldn't feel completely empty. I'm turning 30 in January and I still don't think I've completely, quote, unquote, found myself, but I'm proud of the life I built. My fiance is no longer the center of it. He's incredible addition to it. I don't believe in soulmates are finding each other in every lifetime. I kind of like that quote. I believe we're two independent people who love each other, work hard at our

relationship, and are lucky enough to share our lives together. Now when one of us feels a rut creeping in, we say, I'm in a funk, talk through it, apologize if needed, and then go do something we enjoy together, like walking to the dog park and picking out which one is the cutest. Perfect. I think ruts are a normal part of long-term relationships, just like the pressure to find yourself in your 20s. As the Queen Samantha Jones said, it all comes down to whether you're spending more time smiling than frowning. With my fiance, I'm absolutely smiling more often than not. That's such a great email. And I just want to circle back to Isabel Clee, who we had on recently. And you can read the full story in her book. She shared it on the podcast as well. But when you're

reading that book, you're shocked they break up. I know. So I had read the book halfway and we had her on. And I kind of liked hearing the story before I even read it. But when you read it even more, you're like, what the fuck? And you're like, these people, they're the love of each other's lives. and then she breaks up with him. And she really just had to find herself, go to therapy, work through all this stuff, and they are getting married. And it's just these stories are, they're inspiring. And that's for you to figure out if it's over or it's just a rut.

I just, I found this particularly inspiring because it took a turn I didn't expect. She was like, to fix my relationship, I fixed my own life. And through that, I realized I wanted to, yeah. I realized I wanted to be with him. And you don't hear that a lot. A lot of people are like, we fix us or I leave. And this girl was like, no, it turns out all I needed was like interest and hobbies in something outside of this and it strengthened the core of my relationship. She nailed it.

I just, I thought it was just so beautifully written and, you know, message us. We'll come to your wedding. One day we will go to an audience member's wedding. Yeah. I mean, honestly, if we're not touring anymore, we should just be out here doing weddings. I got to finish a tour. Let's make, we should do that and like make a show. Or are we just surprised people at their weddings?

Yeah, or we doesn't, does that have to be a surprise or do we like officiate? We'll be like this, the Jewish Christian. I want to a wedding like that. Do. No, because you know we'd be center in ourselves. I'd be like, put lift me in the chair. I don't think people would care. I think they'd be like, let them cook.

Okay, we'll come to your wedding, but we have to headline it. We do the center of attention. Yeah, we're wearing white. Okay. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and us being back together. You can find us at Girls Gotta Eat.com. Girls Got to Eat Podcast Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash on Instagram and TikTok.

Raina is. Raina, Duk Greenberg, Raina Greenberg.com for fall tour tickets. The summer dates are done and dusted. And you can watch a full video on Spotify and YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Let us know what you think. Leave a comment.

Subscribe on YouTube and we will see Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.