Girls Gotta Eat - How to Have Better Sex (Guaranteed) with Dr. Emily Morse

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

We are so thrilled to welcome back Dr. Emily Morse, icon in the sexual education and podcasting worlds and author of the new book Smart Sex, to elevate our sex lives. We discuss the five pillars of the "sexual IQ" and how to boost yours, taking a desire inventory to pinpoint your needs and wants, recognizing and combating "pleasure thieves" that prevent you from having your best sex, and the three Ts of communicating with your partner. We also break down the G-spot, the A-spot, and positions for more pleasure. Before Emily joins us, we're chatting about our new friend group, Rayna's rendezvous with Dallas Business Card Guy, and Ashley's mile high encounter. Follow Emily on Instagram @sexwithemily, check out her podcast Sex With Emily, and get her new book Smart Sex. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Helix: Get 20% off all mattress orders + 2 free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge with code HELIXPARTNER. Calm: Get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. Beis: Get 15% off your first purchase at beistravel.com/gge. Storyworth: Get $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Such a mystery to people. I don't know what turns me on. Like, I hope I'll just hope I'll be turned out tonight. We get in the bedroom. We close our eyes, like hope for the best. Like, why not be smart about it? We do that with every other area of our life. Girls Gotta eat.

Welcome back. I almost got over here today without my GPS. I thought you were going to say on time. I would never. You got somewhere on time the other day. Tell them why. She was an on-time queen that night. I was one minute early when I parked.

Basically, our friend that was hosting had posted hours before a reel of this dessert board she made. And I was like, be right there. I think that was the strongest move I've ever seen in my life. Post the menu on the internet first. I know. And I was on my period. It was the second day of my post birth control period. I've always craved sweets on my period anyway.

And I was like, I will be there at 7.30 on the dot. I was the first person there. I was like, give me those donuts. I was 20 minutes late. No, but I counted today, there is 10 turns for me to get here. To me? Yeah. Like, it's not that I'm not good at, like, navigating, knowing my way around, but I'm almost there.

There's one turn that trips me up. When I'm coming here, I'm trying not to look at it. But I still have it on because I'm like, there's 10 fucking turns. That's a lot. Well, it's exciting for me. And I used to challenge myself to get to your place and out of it. And I have a question for you, do you ever take the same route to my house and home? Never.

Never. I've never taken the same route to your house and back home. Yeah, it's not the same route. it. They're not putting me on the highway ever. Oh, when I come to you, I take the 10 to the 405. But I was just thinking, like, life before GPS, when I moved to Atlanta, brand new city, very hard to navigate. Like, New York's so easy. It's a grid. You figure it out. You know, Atlanta was really tough. And I would just have, like, printed out MapQuest directions. I mean, I work for this magazine. I was always going around and doing stuff and running errands.

And I just was, like, fumbling around with printed out papers. I think a few years into that, a garment for Christmas or some shit. But in high school, I mean, I grew up in a town with like so many back roads, windy roads. Like, you just figured it out. But I'm like, how did we figure it out? I have no idea because every time I come to West Hollywood, not this is applicable to most of you, but like, there's 19 different routes to take and I'm never on the same one.

Last night, I was like up in the hills somewhere. I was like, how did we get here? I know. I just think we used to be smarter. Like, when you went to your friend's house, you were 16, you were in your car. I would go to my friend's house. I would be like, it's all these twists and turns, all these back roads around Samarna, Delaware. Like, how did I know what to do?

I did 16 years of living there before that. No, but like a new friend. There would be like five turns. Yeah, I don't know. How did I get there? I did crazy stuff in Bloomington, Indiana when I lived there. I don't know. I got places.

But was your friend like you turned right on, you know. I think you use landmarks a lot more. You get to the staples. You make a left. You get to like the BP, you make a right. Staples. In Smyrna Della would be like, you get to the corner store. The corner star.

Yeah, you get to. I love the Walmart in Smyrna, and I also. Oh! Raina. I'm sorry on my Christmas for you. I hate that Walmart. I love that Walmart.

That's Dover. My family lives in Dover now, but I grew up in Smarna. That's where I get my Christmas appetizer menu every year. I don't go there. Okay. There is a pretty dope target, though,

in Dover right across from the Fridays, which we all know where I dated the bouncer. Ashley, you told that story the other night. I was peeing my pants. I've heard that story a hundred times. When people don't know the story, they like don't know what's coming. I think Father's Day is this weekend, right?

Yeah, because it's your birthday weekend. Yeah. Go, girl, it's your birthday. You said it's your birthday girl. And you look in my good present. That's lit low. Tess and knows. I don't know, but it is my birthday week.

I'm very excited. We're going all over the place. We're going to New York and L.A. I'm excited. We just got back from Ohio. So we were in Ohio all weekend for shows. Thank you guys for coming out. Amazing.

today in Pittsburgh, visiting my parents who I haven't seen in ages, and then we're going to go to New York. I'm excited. Yeah. I've tell you this funny thing, though, I can't stop thinking about it, so I cooked eggs this morning. And we have a guest coming over to my house, and it smells like eggs. And then I turned on this like, you know, that hotel sense. Yeah, it smells like farts. And then I turned on that hotel sense,

like diffuser. So it smells like the one hotel and farts now in my house. It's disgusting. I can taste it. I feel like it's like the hotel in Brisbane when you fuck that guy, and it just was like bodice. It's like hotel smell with buddicey.

Also if anyone doesn't know what bodice is, it's booty, dick, and pussy. I think it's Bernie Mac, R-I-P. It's from like an old 90s comedy. I really fucked that guy so much. I walked it on.

It's thick. It is. When you walk in a hotel room and someone's been fucking, it's thick in the air. That was the to most. I was like, she heard me all night

The bed moved halfway across the room. That guy fucked the literal dog shit out of me. I was like, she heard it for sure. I kept her up all night. No. Yeah, that hotel must have like stone walls. Really thick. I thought that guy got me pregnant.

Well, what I was going to tell you, what we're talking about, me getting over here, I've been like talking to this guy. And he sends me music a lot. And so I was about to drive over here, and I was like, where's my music for today? Like, we haven't sent my playlist yet today. And I said, I'm about to start the trek to Raina's house slash the studio. And he said, Trek seems dramatic. What is she like 30 minutes away?

I said, first of all, I am dramatic. It's a lot. It turns a lot. But I was like, first of all, yeah, I am. Now you know. Now you knew that. Yeah. And he was like, and second, I'm not going to answer.

Just, I'm dramatic. Where's it? Do you sound the music? Right. Like, where's my fucking music for today? I'm always on the hunt for new music. And he's been sending me a lot of stuff. I'm like, this is good.

Like, it's a value add to my life. No man's ever sent me music. I've never requested it. No one's ever sent you a song. Brian said it to me sometimes, but it's usually should troll me about stuff. But that's it. He's like, your video missed the deadline again. It's overdue.

We love our videographer, but he loves not meeting deadlines. We love him as much as he hates deadlines. Yes. We love him as much as he hates the truth. That's got to go. No, it doesn't. What? What?

He loves to be like, I'm exporting it right now. And four days later, and four days later, he'll be like, you know, the Wi-Fi really just cut out. I'm also at the airport at the top of a mountain and it just finished downloading. Maybe this is why he doesn't want to fucking hear out here and call him a liar. He wants to fuck me. He just hasn't. I sent him some sexy pics last night.

He wants it. Yeah. Does he listen to this? Sometimes, recently he has been listening. I was like, God, damn it. Does his mom listen? Yeah, his mom listens. Last night he asked me if she got my email address.

I love his mom. My personal one. I was like, yeah, let's get it popping. When he misses the deadline, it's like, I want to tell his mom. We should email her. What if we C-Ced his mom? Hi, can you come get your son? Come get this man.

We know you raised him better. That's so funny. Start up CC and your employee's parents. We love Tess's parents. We should CC that when we're like complimenting her. complimenting her. Yeah, like praising her.

We should see, see her parents. Just want to let you know she's doing great. Well, the women that work for us never do anything wrong. Oh, my God. It's just an ocean of right. Anna, let me get a hold of Anna's parents. I'll be like, thank you for this blessing. Anna is incredible.

Yeah. Ashley is a parent. We'll see her son. What do we ask her about her husband yesterday? We were on a Zoom call. If she sucked his dick when she was pregnant. So someone said, I'm Googling if the blow gel for our company vibes only.

We sell this incredible blow gel. Peanut clad is the new flavor for summer. Someone said, I'm Googling if it's pregnancy safe. I'm going to say yes. We are just making absolutely sure. There's no reason why it wouldn't be. It's all natural. It does anything in it that you can't have when you're pregnant.

Also, you can just read the ingredient list. I don't say that in a snarky way. But I know people want to be careful of what they put in their body. And then we were on this Zoom. Like, are people sucking dick when they're pregnant? And well, you said you wouldn't. I'm like, yes, you would. I was just like, I'm making this baby.

I got to also get on my knees. And you love to suck it. You in a business meeting go, I'd ready to suck dick. And then on the call with, was Rob on the call? I don't know. Rob was on the call. We could ask him if he got his dick sucked when his wife was pregnant. But basically we were like, we saw Ashley's husband's head in the background of their

like home office. We were like, did you get any blow jobs? You didn't even know he's being talked about. Yeah. So I would say yes, but just look at that ingredient list. And if there's anything, but we will research this and we'll let you guys know for sure. But I'm going to say give those peanut collada blow jobs. pregnant all you want.

Blow jobs, yeah. Okay. Also, just to plug the company more time, we'll move on because we did our one year anniversary. Thank you guys. If you guys are going on like a baby moon or any trips, we do a get wet set. It's really fun. So there's a bag that comes complimentary with it and it has our lube and our blow gel and the massage oil and it's really fun to take on trips. And then we have a new flavor coming kind of soon for summer. Oh my gosh. I can't wait. So yes, thank you for shopping the sale for the vibes only one year anniversary. And also just wanted to touch base on last week's episode loved it so, so much. And it was with professor and author Marcia Inhorn talking about

why women freeze their eggs in the mating gap. And we just loved it so much. And we know you guys did too. And we got so many incredible messages from women that said they felt seen and this whole like, it's not me energy. So thank you for your messages and DMs as always. And we're glad you guys really love that episode. I loved it so much. It's like one of my top, all my episodes are just like having kids, not having kids. It's rough out here related. But I just want to say that. Well, you know, I was like on the cusp of tears the whole episode. I just felt like so validated. And actually I live for that. We want the whole show to just validate however you guys want to live your lives. Yeah. And then today we have Dr. Emily Morris back for the second time.

She is an incredible book that we've been rating so we can't wait to get to that interview. But I want to talk about something that we touched based on going to this girl's night the other night. And we just have this new friend group. And it started with Alyssa Amaroso, who's publicity on Instagram. And her podcast is tea with publicity. We've both been on it. And when I recorded with her, I guess last maybe late summer, early fall in New York, she was getting ready to do the exact same thing that we did, which was like try a layout for three months, do an Airbnb. And I was like, oh my gosh, we're living the same life just a few months apart. And then exactly the same as us. She was here for a couple months. It was like, I'm going to stay and got her forever.

home, one year lease. And she has this beautiful apartment. And I just connected with her immediately. But anyway, so she just had maybe like a month or so ago at this point. She had five girls over. So it was like six girls total. And just as like a girl's night and we went over there. And when we walked in, this is one of those beautiful, special things that women do. It's just when everyone vibes immediately. And everyone's just like talking nonstop. And I've seen guys do that. I've seen guys like just bro out immediately. I think it's really cute and nice. And we see a lot of like male camarader at our show. now too when we bring them up on stage and stuff like that. So it does happen with them, but just something about like when women get together that don't all know each other and

immediately mesh and just start like, that, that, that, da, that, da, that everybody's talking and everybody's so much to talk about and we all have a lot in common and what we do for work. And it was just really great. Like Alyssa that night had said that she had like games and we never even got to the games because we were just talking all night. And so we went over five of the girls, actually the five single girls last week at this point to watch the second part of the Vanderpump Rules finale. And I mean, we say till midnight. Rain, I cannot believe you stayed till midnight. Also, it took me like 35 minutes to get home and I was like, I can't drive at night.

I'm terrified. I'm like so scared. And I just was having like the time in my life. I know. You were like, I was surprised you stayed and I was like, what was I going to like pause this evening? You were making me laugh so hard. You were like running a bit, which you like told everybody was a bit. But like a story used to tell on stage at our live shows.

And I was like gutterall laughing. The Fridays guy and the whole thing about my dad. But yeah, it's all true, but I do it as a bit. So I'm like kind of like, I always fear weird when I'm like saying lines and tags and jokes in a story of telling. atmosphere, but it is fun to tell like new friends stories because I don't know you like that. You know, but it was just so fun. And I just love it so much. And I'm like, we have this whole new group of girlfriends here that our friend Alyssa decided to get together. Now we're on a group chat.

And it just feels really nice. And I love making girlfriends. It's my favorite thing to do. It's my favorite thing in the world. And I said when I moved here and when I moved to New York, I do just say yes to everything. Even if I am going to have to drive home 35 minutes at midnight late at night. It's like I said I'm going to make friends. We have an episode about manifesting coming up where really excited about that. And so I said I'm going to make friends and I'm going to personally like manifest that I do this. But like part of manifesting to me is like taking the real actionable steps and putting myself in positions to meet people. And when we met all those girls that night, I had like been at a party all day. Like I was tired. I didn't necessarily

want to go out. But I was like, I said I want to make friends. I put this in the world. I have to take the steps to do it. So I'm like proud of us that like we keep doing that because it's easy to like not and just sit at home. Yeah. I'm proud that we're like making the most of our time in L.A. I know. Also I think people get tripped up and like, okay, well, now what? you know, can I like off shoot solo and have like relationships with the people from the group? And I'm like, you absolutely can. Like one of the girls I was like DMing with her last night. She went to this cool event. I'm like, I want to go to one of these one time. Like you can kind of just start to message and be like, we should do this. It seems like we have this in common. Oh, you go to yoga.

I do that too. Like we should go together. But can I just say that one of the funniest stories, dating related that one of the girls in the group had? She's always dating. She dates a lot. And she was matching with this guy from a dating app. And they'd been talking. And then they exchange numbers. And he texts her and she realized they had already texted and they had done a Zoom date during quarantine that went poorly on her end. She didn't like him after the Zoom date. She was like I already rejected this comedy. So she'd already rejected him.

And she said that when he texted her the second round, the last text that was sent was the Zoom link in. in 2020. That is fucking crazy. And then they had Zoomed. And then she was like, I'm not into them. And they never spoke again after the Zoom. I couldn't get over the fact that someone that you think is new. You're excited about the potential of dating text to you.

And the last text was from the COVID Zoom dating era. It's just like I have to reject them again. I got to do this again. And she really does date so much. I'm so impressed that she dates so much she doesn't even remember the people she has dates with. It's Samantha Jones. I think that was the sexist. city episode, she was like fucking the same people.

She was like, I fucked everyone in Manhattan. I'm doing repeats now. She's lived in L.A. for seven years, and she literally has dated all of L.A. I'm shocked. Every time, she's like, there's this guy and this guy, this guy, but it is like a nice way to also make those offshoot friends. I feel like I'm like man spleting friendship, but like, I checked about the dates. Like I text her all the time about her dates.

I like can't get enough of it. I want to hear every sore and every score. Well, I know, and one of the other girls has the thing with this guy, and I, like, have been thinking about it. And I don't want to press her because I'm like, well, what if he hasn't reached out? Like I want to check in. I want to know. This is how you bond with women.

Just talk about men. No. Stop. That's not it. We're talking about other stuff too. Yeah. We're talking about the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Weren't you proud of me?

I was like sending memes. Ashley, I was so proud of you that you participated, that you wanted to come. You actually like understood what was going on. You asked good, informed questions. Thank you. I know.

I wasn't just trying to ask like pandery, stupid questions. Like I really am part of the culture now. I was really proud of you and you were like, Is James like always like this? Or do people like... It's funny for you to be like, do people like him? Is he like always like this? And I'm like, oh my God, I've so much stuff to tell you.

I've been so involved in the culture for 10 years. Ten years. Somebody DM me and she was like, I'm really getting into Vanderpump now. Did I say this little podcast? She was like, I'm watching season one. Why is Dossie so mean? I'm like, I can't explain this to you. Don't make me do this.

Okay. I don't know if you made eye contact with this yet. I saw you making eye contact with it. I wasn't sure. But I brought Dallas Bissie. business card, business card in here? Right. So Dallas business card guy's business card is back. It's back. But I, it's like, it's like it never left. It's kind of dirty. It's like, where has it been in your bed? It's been masturbating to it. You saw him recently, by the way.

I do. We're talking about it. He offered me a clean fresh card and I was, wait, where's my card? And I was like, I want the old one that's kind of beat up. No, the original. Yeah, I want the original. So basically we were in Dallas in January of 2022 and we did this show and this guy came into the green room. He was with a friend of ours. And I was thought he was hot and he gave me his business card. And I was like, I'm not trying to hire you. I want to fuck you.

And do you though? I do. Well, are you going to? I am. Prove it. You sound like him. Does he listen to this? No.

Oh my gosh. Definitely not. He was in town on a layover for like two hours. I was like, do you want to come meet me in Venice? And I was like, yeah, absolutely. So I like ran down to this place and had a burger with him and his friend. He really just, what did he wear? He wore a cowboy hat and I liked it.

I was in the way. You did not go out with a guy in a cowboy hat in Venice. He's a real cowboy. You love cowboy so much. I just, I love like masculine men. You love a cow, but that's your specific vibe. I feel like in 2023. Connecticut Cowboy.

Dallas Business Card Cowboy. The original bald guy with a beard tattoos that like was the prototype for everything. He wears a cowboy hat sometimes. I love him. I can feel like, ooh, I miss him. So crazy. Hated him for years. Hope he's doing well.

I called him a couple days ago. He didn't call me back. He likes to play hard to get. Yeah, so Dallas Physiccarry guy was in town. He really does accept me for exactly what I am, which is crazy. So he was with a friend. They had gone to the hockey playoff. Dallas Stars hockey in Vegas.

Good, what you? Thank you so much. I showed interest in him. So they had a labor in L.A. And he was with his friend, and his friend was pretty handsome and was telling me about any single. What? And I invited them to the show.

This is just now coming out. Yes. Okay. You guys get those Dallas tickets. Yes. This is going to be lit now. I was like, can you come to the show?

He said that he was free and then the friend was like, what's your show about? He started telling him and he's very cute and he's single. Like my kind of type? Yeah. What do he look like?

No facial hair. Rina. You know what I mean. How tall was he first of all? First of all. I don't know if I ever saw him stand up. The fact that you wouldn't clock someone's height It means it's giving not true friend.

I think. he's not significantly tall. I'll text Dallas business card guy and ask how tall as my dad. Dallas business card guy, he's adding a few inches with that cowboy hat. And cowboy boots is how guys do it when they want to get a couple inches in there. I'm into it. You got, I mean, listen, I'm not, like,

don't need some giantly tall guy. I do. But cowboys are deceiving if they have a hat and a boot. That is so true. That's a good five inches. It's a whole person on top of you. You're so right. Tessa, weren't you saying you went out with a guy that was hair gave him a couple extra inches. Was that you? She's like, some of these guys, they're out here.

The Dallas they get you, because my dad wore boots when he lived in Dallas too. He finally hit like five, six. A little cowboy boots. Okay, so, anyway, so friend is single and he's very cute, and he's a professor at a college. And I go, how old are you? And he goes, and he tells me, and I go, do you fuck your students? And it just came right out of my mouth, and they both just kind of laughed. I just, I like that he just accepts me for what I am. He's 36. Okay. So I was like, it's not so crazy. for a 21-year-old after they're your student anymore. Yeah, there's a hot story

in the vibes only app about fucking your professor. It's a good one. I thought of the vibes fantasy. Everybody has. Yeah. I'd love to fuck my 36-year-old professor. You walk in your professor's office.

Discuss, you've been bad in class. Ask for some extra credit. Yeah, then you bend me over, you finger me, and then you fuck me. Yeah, you definitely got to get fingered first. I think the first thing I ever masturbated to

was this girl that was like late for class and she missed her test. She was in her professor's room. Yeah, this is one of the first things I ever masturbated to on the internet. This is a story that I read. Okay, so you're back into Dallas business card guy. This is guy that I've been pushing for for so long. I mean, the biggest issue is just he lives in Dallas. He's probably not leaving Dallas. But so many things are aligned. And like you guys have chemistry when you're together in person and you really love the way he lives

his life. Yes, very much. I'm very inspired by how he lives his life. It's like the number one thing for me. He just does a lot of cool stuff. So he's going to be here for some stuff in July. Okay. Also, I am going to make you guys make out on stage in Dallas. I can't wait. He did some disgusting things to me on stage the last time. It was amazing. Like picked me up. That show was different.

Dallas is different. Dallas was the most still to this day that we were 45 minutes in and I hadn't looked at the outline. Like it was totally off the rails. People were standing to the aisles. I was like, are there seats? Like people went crazy. There's just no rules. Listen, we're going to have an insane.

opener. I'm just manifesting it right now. But I've already asked about it. So I'm excited and get those tickets for Texas. Maybe in Austin too. Yeah. Some of these shows are like almost sold out. But again, we have this whole fall tour. So girls got to eat.com. Okay, I am finally ready to share this story. I'm so excited. I told it in Chicago. I was like deciding if I was going to kind of save it for the live shows, but then ultimately knew I was going to share it on the podcast and just wanted time to pass to make sure that like nothing was ever going to happen with this person and it's about whatever. So back in March, know, a couple months ago at this point, I matched with this guy in Raya. Immediately, I was really excited about him, super tall, like, loved his vibe, like,

the way he looked and what he did for a living. You just seemed like a dope-ass guy. And so we matched on Raya. He messaged me first, and we went back and forth a couple times, and then I, like, dropped my number. I, like, said something cute of, like, here's my number if you, like, when I connect, whatever. And he texted me later that day, guess who? Which I thought was really cute.

We went back and forth. And I remember being out that night and texting with this guy and mean, like, I think this may actually be a thing, at least to go on like a date. We were going back and forth about the car was going to buy and a little bit of arrogance, I detected. Not a red flag, but a little bit of like, okay, I'm just clocking this, a little bit of arrogance. And at one point, I kind of like jokingly caught him out for mansplaining. But, you know, whatever. We all mansplained here and there. So the conversation ended. Like I said the last thing, it didn't really have like any sort of finality to it. I was like, okay, like didn't love it. But I was like, I'm a stranger. You know,

we don't know each other. So a couple days later, I picked the conversation back up. I remember we were in Milwaukee and I like said something, pick the conversation back up. And we went back and forth a couple times. And ultimately I like said something that was really like sharing about my life. Nothing like super vulnerable. But like a cute anecdote about like something about like me and you, whatever it was. And he just kind of left me hanging. So I was like, I just don't think this guy's interested. My gut feeling was telling me like this guy's just fucking around. He's going to take the attention. He's not really interested in going out on a date or he's this like super successful, confident guy. He would ask me out if he was interested. And he just kind of like has now left me unread for lack of a better term twice. And I'm over it.

So I just left it at that. I was like, that's probably not my guy. I'm going to move on. And a few weeks went by. I'm not thinking about this person. Again, it was just like a stranger. And we're flying back from New York to L.A. and I see him on the flight. It was fucking crazy. And I did not at cool, you guys. I immediately, you were looking at it. I immediately turn around and make an immediate eye contact with him. I did not act cool. So he's just very recognizable because of his height, the way he looks. Like, he's not just like your average standard, just white dude. So I'm like, I know that's him, right? So I'm telling you, Raina's like, you know, it's your tell your friend. You're like, don't look now. They look immediately. Just stare, staring down. So we were flying in like the Delta One cabin because it's a long flight. So we're in like seats three and four. He was back in like nine. And we're looking back. And I'm like, I don't. know what to do here. But like whatever. Like I'm just going to text like, are you on this flight? You know, so I texted him, are you on this flight from JFK to LAX? And he was like typing immediately.

And he was like, depends. Like, what does the guy look like? You know? And then we went back and forth a little bit flirty. And he was like, why don't you wave back here? So I like waved back there. So we like waved at each other. I kept looking at Ashley's like, bitch, stop. But I'm also like, come up here. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's crazy. And somebody's on a flight and get up and come say. It's hysterical. Like 3A, 9D. Walk up here if you cared. I'm not walking back there. You come up here.

And then a little bit of like a, you know, light orange flag was he was weirdly a little too sexual and the flirtation on the plane. You didn't love it. We didn't love it. My overall vibe is this is not like the best guy. But I was like, I was willing to fuck around and find out. So he's like, let's say hi when we get off the plane, whatever. And I was like, okay, it's happening.

And I had my plant with me. As you guys know, this was the flight that I flew with my plant. And I like no makeup, Rana goes, are you going to put makeup on? I was like, what makeup? It's in my chest bag. So I took my glasses off at least. I did a lip. Yeah.

All I had was a lip. You're so funny because I would do eye over lip any day. I keep my lip in my purse. I don't have my mascara. My makeup's in my checked bag. So I am like excited. Like this, what a meat cute. You know what I mean?

Like, I immediately. match with that guy. I had a feeling like this is someone I am interested in. And we get off the plane again, we were in row three. So we exit off the plane first. He's, you know, a number of people back. This was like, you know, four rows. It was like a significant amount of people exiting this cabin. And as I get off the plane, I see like a driver essentially type person standing by the door to go outside, like before you even walk down the jet bridge with an iPad and this guy's last name and first initial on it. And I was like, okay, I know what that is. It's this like, private terminal that you basically just get off the plane right there. It's like a fancy thing.

It's like an upgraded expense, whatever. It's, you know, people have money. And so we've never done it. I didn't have any idea what it was. Just to be clear, I knew about it. Kate and Jay had done it before. Right. So I'm like, oh my gosh, that's him. And it just was like a thing that I kind of saw in passing. Like I randomly kind of knew his last name. Like I was like sharing the story with people because I thought it was funny. And my brother of all people was like, you should have stood there and hold the iPad. I was like, that is so funny. I was like your brother's best. are hitting on people than we are. But standing there would have been so creepy. Well, it also took me a second to register what was happening because I've never, ever seen that before.

I didn't clock it. Right. And there's also a world in which I didn't even see it. You know what I mean? And didn't register it. It was only his first initial last name, you know, whatever. And so I just was like, oh, Rain, I think he's about to exit the plane right there, you know. And so we just kept it moving. And I'm like, if this guy really wants to meet me enough, he'll run down the jet bridge. Yeah. Like rom-com style. Or like yell out to me or whatever. And that was like, it. I was like, I can't believe I didn't hear from this person, like after that. And I was like, that sucks. Fuck that guy. I already had the feeling he was like, kind of an arrogant fuck boy type. And to go back and forth on all this, let's meet when we get off the plane and then to not say

anything. I was like, for this reason, I'm out. Don't care. That was on a Sunday. It is crazy. We didn't get up and say hello on the plane. That's insane. I know. Hours and hours more of this flight. You're not just going to be like, hey, what's up? His vibe is. He sucks. He's just like, she's probably thinking she can come to me. You know what I mean? That's the energy. It is. It's not normal behavior. It's like not somebody that you're going to enjoy. Like, I'm not surprised he didn't run up the Jeopardy and be funny. So that was a Sunday. I forgot about it again. Like I keep saying he's like, one more chance, one more chance. And Tuesday, I'm at your house. I'm over here. I was getting ready to go out to someone else. So I was just like, you know, feeling myself getting ready to go meet this other guy. I get a text from this guy. Can we properly hang out? And I was like, eh, I don't know. So I let it go until the morning. He texts me like 5 p.m. the next morning. I wrote back. we can. Yeah. Cute.

Sure, we can. Yeah. He hearted it immediately. And then nothing. This is insane behavior. And then nothing. This is insane. Can we hang out?

Yes. Nothing. I think he's really full of himself. Or maybe it's like a deep insecurity. I think whatever it is, he wants someone else to do all the work, clearly, or he's just not interested at all. Like, it's weird.

I'm fascinated by the behavior. I don't understand. I don't know any man that I'm friends with that wouldn't get up and think that was so funny. We're on the same flight. I don't know somebody that wouldn't text you and be like, I exited the plane at the Jeppbridge. Like, it's a natural way to text somebody. He just didn't do it.

And then he asked you to hang out and then was just out on it. I do not understand this behavior. And I am the first person to always, like, be a male apologist and be like, people are busy. You're a stranger. Blah, blah, blah. Always. I always do that stuff.

This is just fucking weird. Oh, you know what else? This is another smoking gun of him just being the worst. When I reached out and said, are you on this plane? Do you remember he goes, oh, I was just thinking about you? I'm going to look right at the camera. What? We haven't talked in weeks.

I was a stranger to begin with. We have no shared memories. What were you thinking about? No, you were. Like, Ashley, she's just like flirting with him being funny. But then he, like, said a bunch of other stuff that I was like, oh, yeah. It's just like a line he probably thinks works. Yes.

I don't think he was being funny. I think he was like, this will get her. This will make her come back here and suck my dick. I was like, Ashley, of course it's a joke. But then the other stuff he said, I was like, oh, he's not cool. So after the thing, I was like, okay, now it's like really over. Famous last word. He'll be 19 times.

And I'm just, he's so tall. Okay. So that's why I let our video guy back in all the time. And Rich, obviously. Ten days after that, like a week and a half after that, we're all over here on this epic girls night with eight girls and Rob. And I was telling everyone the story, because I just think this is such a hilarious story that he was on the flight.

And I was like, what I want to do is just like one day, send him a ghost emoji. And everyone was like, it now. And the pressure at like 10pm, I just shot off that ghost emoji. He responds back immediately. He's three dots before I barely hit send. He writes, boo. I was telling Andrew call on the story and he goes, I kind of like him. It's an asshole. You're like just being a little less of an asshole and I could like you. He crossed the threshold of like fun asshole over. No, no. Yeah. And you double texted. Is this a booty call? Which was weird. And I was already turned off. The switch is completely off now. Like, and I never talk to him again. Like, my goal was to send a ghost emoji,

have him respond, and then never talk to him again. And then you be the ghost. That's what happened. But you hear these things happening and this actually happened to me in the wild of just like talking to someone seeing them on a fucking plane. And then the way it all transpired was just crazy. And then I randomly went to his Instagram one day. I was like, when we're what that fucking guy's up to? And he had a post that was just the most cringe. I was like, what a bullet dodge? What if that was your man? I was like, Ashley, I would have to, like, talk behind her back to people. If this was your man. Like, I don't even know if I could tell you how ick this was.

Like, it would make me so uncommon when I texted to text Kate and be like, do we talk to her about this? It was just so braggadocious, but sort of under the guise of humility. It was a mess. It was like, this guy is so full of himself. It was under the guise of, like, mental health, him being like, the whole thing was like, I've never defined myself. I've never defined what I am. but I've done this and this. And he listed so many accomplishments.

So many name drops. He like tagged all these people. And then he's like, don't ever let somebody tell you to define yourself. Like this is supposed to be inspirational. Yeah. You know, I think I have this guy kind of figured out.

I mean, I think it comes from insecurity, but it's really like super self-important and super braggy and super arrogant. And whatever that comes from, that's just the vibe. And obviously I don't want it. And I don't know this person.

And I don't want to. but I just wanted to share the story finally on air. I'm glad we told it. It makes me laugh so hard. It's so crazy. What are the odds you see that guy on a fucking lane? You were turning around so much. I was being so obvious.

And I told you he didn't see me, but he saw me. Back there like five times. He saw me four of them. We made eye contact. The thing that I thought was going to be so funny was if I met him off the plane with that plant. Yeah. To be talking about with the plant.

He probably wouldn't even think I thought the plant was. cute, you know? I was actually wondering if you were holding that sign would he have been funny about it or if he would have been like, I don't get up. Right. Like I was wondering if he would want to even laugh at that. I know. We'll never know. I really got served this thing for mechonos this morning. I just like forgot how hot Greek men are. Just speaking of like men from the summer and I just like want to go back there tomorrow. I want to go back there off birth control and actually get pregnant. I'm kidding. But just be more horny. I was horny last year, but can you imagine me now? No, I can't. No one's hornier than you. Absolutely. Absolutely.

getting pregnant if I go back to Greece. I need to track my cycle if I go back there. Definitely. I can't be out there. I can't come in Greece. I want to go back. I'm horny just thinking about it. Do you think we're going to see any guys in Cabo? Ew, no. What are you going to see there?

I don't know. Frank the tank from Tampa. We're staying in a nice... Yeah, also, how are we going to meet people? We get Bagotel. Oh, that's right. We are going on to dinner the first night, just like a girl's trip. Yeah. Or a girl's dinner. Okay, take it back. Maybe.

Maybe. There'll be some, like, hot, balance. A bouncer type. Now you're speaking my language. Driver. Boat driver? If he used to be a bouncer and now is a boat driver, that really makes the panties drop. It makes your bikini bottoms drop.

I love getting fucked on a boat. What? When did you fuck on a boat? I used to fuck on a boat a lot in college. There was a lake, like in Bloomington, Indiana. I used to fuck on this boat. And then I used to fuck in Pittsburgh on this boat. On the river.

No. Oh, on a river boat? Yes. On a pontoon. The Mahong. The Mahong. The Mahongahela. I know the Monongahela.

I believe. You knew a word. I was trying to. It was a manah. Oh, I know. How do you say it? Manongahela. The manongahela.

It's a river, you guys. Raina, did you fuck on a pontoon? No, there was a downstairs. It wasn't like that boat you rented for us that one time. Don't wait. Talk about it. Don't talk about it. I was trying to block it out.

I can't let me get athletes' foot. We took a boat one time Miami was a huge miss. We didn't even take our bikini coverups off because we're like, we're going to get tetanus or something. Yeah, we're like, full tennis shoes on a boat. Yeah, we're like, don't touch anything. Don't touch the railings? Okay.

Yeah, I mean, that's a great goal. I mean, it's one of our Farrell Girl summer goals. There's a fucking a boat. I'm just like being, kind of out of sorts and wet, and it's just like, moves right in. I don't think I ever have. never had sex like in the bathroom of a boat. Crazy. In the bathroom of a boat.

Right of the bathroom is like an airplane bathroom. They're so tiny. I find room. What about a bedroom of a boat? The one that I fucked in and the Mananga. Mananga. Hala. Hala. Like Raquel. Wrap it up. Try to like stay a word and then you're short circuit.

Our guest is here. You're like Mary. You're like, uh, we, uh, well, uh, well, uh, uh, um, um, um. And we are really excited to get into it with Emily now. Okay. We are very excited to introduce and welcome back our guest for today. She is a doctor of human sexuality and the host of the award-winning number one sexuality podcast, Sex with Emily, which has been on air for nearly two decades. She is really an icon. She's a masterclass instructor on sex and communication.

It was previously a radio host and executive producer on Sirius XM. She's been profiled by the New York Times Forbes Men's Health. She's been featured on the Today Show, Conan, Entertainment Tonight. and this podcast. Her new book, Smart Sex, comes out and you can get it tomorrow. Yeah. Please welcome back to the show, Emily Morse. So excited to be here at your studio in L.A. I know.

We're neighbors. I know. I love this. Emily, what is it like to be, like, truly the icon in this space? Like, do you feel like that? I don't walk around feeling like anything. You're like, oh, you're famous. You're so like that.

I don't think like that. but I love what I do. I love talking about sex. I love helping people. I feel like we still all need this information. Yeah. So, yeah, it feels good that we still want to talk about it. And there's so much more to say.

So, yeah, I'm glad. I like, you're really a pioneer, like a podcast in 05, which was like, what? People didn't know that term. And you would just have been talking about this for so long. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't say taboo in the early 2000. It was.

I guess, yeah, like, Sex and the City was kind of ahead of its time. You were like in that era. of like this just wasn't day-to-day conversation between everybody. No, not at all. And people still have so many questions. I browse your topics sometimes when I'm going to pick one of your episodes. And I'm like, there's still so much to talk about. We don't have that many holes, but there's so many frontiers to explore.

It's crazy. Crazy. I'm still learning. You're never done. That's what's so cool about sex. Yeah. It was so fascinating to be reading your book because you were writing about how when you were 35, you started exploring this and I was like, that must be a typo.

Because I just, I love stories about people that like get to a certain place in their life and you think that their careers are set. This is what they're going to be. And you were like at 35, totally different new course of action. Exactly. Yeah, I was 35 years old. I was having sex. I'd been sexual. I was not in this career.

I was not a sex expert. I was working in politics and film and doing different things. But I was like, okay, I'm going on another date with another guy. I'm dating someone for a few months. Let's say six to nine months. And the sex just wasn't as great as a. was in the beginning, meaning that passion, that excitement, which I didn't realize in every relationship after a year or a half, the sex is going to be as great at the beginning.

But anyway, I was having sex, wasn't great. It seemed like the guy was always having a really good time. And I was not. And I was faking orgasms. And I thought there's got to be more to this than that. And the other thing that I was thinking was, that only was sex disappointing and I knew it could be better. Why can I learn how to be great at everything else but sex? There's like no information. And online there was not of information. But the second thing was that I kept getting into relationships, but knowing that I didn't really have marriage and family on my bucket list, I love dating, I love meeting men, I love the experience, I love adventure. So how do you keep dating when you don't have the same goals as other people?

And then I thought, well, maybe I'll find something else out right now. Like maybe by starting to interview people about their sex life, not only will I find how to not be faking orgasms, but what is the secret to a long-term relationship? Because maybe I'm missing out. Maybe there's something, you know. And so I've just, that's been my journey. And I've went back to grad school and got my doctorate and here we are 18 years later. I love this story so much. I love somebody that pivots in life. Pivot. You got a pivot. That aside of what is like amazing and admirable, but just this thing at 35 where all the things that were going through your head and you explain this in the book. And I love the way the book is written. It's really conversational. You feel like you're just

hearing it straight from you, which you are. But just that what am I missing here? And I love that you were like, I was great in bed as like a performer. Yeah, it was performatively. You're like, I'm like arching my back and I'm faking. these amazing orgasms, but like secretly wondering, like, what the fuck? Is this really it? Yeah. So, disappointing. I love the journey you went on to be like, this can't be it. I was talking about how fingering is like so misleading because we were like told our whole

lives to like enjoy fingering and guys know their fingers inside of me and I would be like, but there's this button outside. And when I touch the button outside, I love it, but I don't know how to explain to people that you've got to touch the button, my clit. And there was so much misinformation that I'd watch porn and I'd be like, I don't fuck like that. That doesn't look fun to me. Yeah.

It's all misleading. And they're like, yeah, dig around for change up there. Like, what are you doing? It does not feel good. And now we have these nails. I'm like, I can't get in there. Definitely can't get in the butt. Well, you were talking about the G spot.

I was like, I can't get in there right now. Right. Well, okay, you could put a cotton ball and a glove over your nails. It feels like a lot of work. No, I feel great. You want to do it? Cotton ball? I get this question all the time.

We do a few long nails and you want to like go inside of a hole. Yeah. That's weird. Okay. Yeah. So you put a little cotton ball around the nail and then you could use like a like a nitrate glove. Just saying it's a lot of work, but don't want to ruin the manicure.

You're with a guy, you're like, babe, I'm going in. You just put the glove on. You put the surgical gloves. The cotton and put under each nail. Maybe it's his kink. Oh, my gosh. So you wrote this book, SmartSex. Tell us the idea for the book.

Okay. So Smart Sex, how to boost your sex IQ, own your pleasure. So what happened is I was writing this book because I, like I said, I'd be doing sex with Emily Podcast for almost 20 years. And I've got a lot of tips. I've got a lot of advice. And I realize that when people come to me, I know with certainty.

I can answer any sex question that you have. Really, like, it would help you take the next step. I don't often sit with people on the show for hours and see patients anymore. And so I'm writing the book and it's quick tips. I'm like, but at the end of the day, having better sex isn't about a quick tip. Like, I could give you the right vibrator. You guys could too. I could give you the right sex position and that would help you.

But really, it's holistic. So when I was writing it, I came up with these five pillars of sexual intelligence. Because really, sex is holistic. It's not one thing. It's about your overall health and wellness. And I think there's been this disconnect that sex has been siloed on its own. It's not part of health of wellness. It's like the bastard child of wellness.

And just recently, you know, I've been realizing, like, people will be like, oh, we want to have a sex person at our health conference. Like, that'll be fun and titillating. And now it's even becoming more and more mainstream a little bit. But so in these pillars, people can go in here and realize that if you've got a sex challenge in your life, it could be because one of these five things are keeping you from having the sex that you want. And it helps you figure it out. for yourself. I love it. I love this notion too of like I can help you to like do better positions

or I can teach you to put some cotton on your finger. Exactly. We shall never do. I'm thinking about it. I mean, I have a lot of stuff in my naughty drawer. Yeah. If you're in a pitch. Didn't think anal was in the car, like penetrating or whatever figuring, but there we go. One of my best friends is just a straight G-spot masturbator. Like we were on a vacation and she was like, I'll be right back. And she went and did like a quick Pilates flow and like made herself come. And she just goes in and like does the thing. And Like, that's not how I get myself off with my fingers, but she's a very, like, in and out. And she was like, she wouldn't sign up for these nails. She's like, I couldn't get my rocks off.

Okay. I know that you can, like, take one thing and do a quick fix, but it is sort of this holistic, how you think about sex, how you communicate about sex, how you think about your own body. Exactly. So let's talk about the pillars. Okay. So the first pillar is embodiment. How in my body am I, when I'm having sex with someone, am I thinking of,

about the bills I didn't pay? Am I worried that the kids are going to come in? Am I thinking about my thighs? Am I worried if I'd be looking good? Or am I present? Am I feeling what it feels like to have my partner hands touching my body? Do I feel their breath on me? Are my feeling?

Am I embodied in my present? And the second one is health, your mental health and your physical health, which is so deeply related to your sexual health, meaning for your mental health, am I on a certain medication that's going to impact my ability to orgasm? I should know that. Am I depressed? Am I on an antidepressant or an birth control pill?

And then your physical health, people don't often realize that if you're not moving your body, you're probably going to have a blood flow problem. But when you have a blood flow problem, you might not get an erection. Your clitoris won't swell with as much blood. So it's like that's part of it, mental health, physical health. And then we've got self-awareness. Do I know myself? Do I know what turns me on? Have I been paying attention to my sex life the last few years?

What are my kinks? What turns beyond? I have a lot of tools in the book to help people figure that out. Because a lot of us are not really that self-aware. We don't go back and go, oh, wait, that was hot. Why was that hot? Like reverse engineer to find what really turned you on. And then there's self-acceptance.

That's really confidence. Do I accept my body where I'm at today so I can have sex? Do I accept how much experience I have? Do I accept myself? That's a journey, not a destination. And the fifth one is collaboration. How well do I communicate with my partner? Am I comfortable asking for what I want in bed?

Am I comfortable saying like this is what I need? This isn't what I want. And also am I comfortable just talking about sex in general? like we are normalizing that too. Yeah. Those are the pillars. I really feel like the embodiment is so important. And one of the quotes in the book was the more often you realize you're not embodied,

the closer you're getting to being more embodied, which I love that because I feel like people could beat themselves up and like, I'm not getting it. Like my brain and my body aren't connected the way it should be. And it's like the first step is realizing the problem. At least you can work from there. So obviously that's the first thing. And it's interesting that you have a whole thing on hormones and birth control. and I've just been off of birth control

after 20 years for six weeks and feel like a different person. My sex drive is up. Like I'm more lubricated. It's been like my best life. Wow. It's like, hello, LA, goodbye, birth control pill. Your whole life is changing.

And I know that's not everybody's experience. I want to be super clear, but for me. I love that you are expressing that you're sharing that because it's really important people to know that it was just a pill we all just took. No one told us to think about it. I was like, that's nothing. And then we find out for many, it has negative impacts.

I like that you talk about mindfulness and embodiment, but I feel like recently a lot of people have been sharing with me that they have a hard time being present for sex. I feel like more so than ever, so many of us have just a thousand things going on. And it's so championed in society to be so busy and to have so much going on and to have professional success and kids and a partner.

And how could you ever be present during sex? It's hard to de-stress and come back down to where you want to actually enjoy your pleasure, prioritize somebody else. So I feel like I've just been hearing this a lot more that people are having a hard time being like present and mindful during sex. Yeah.

What are some of your tips for that? If we just want to focus on that. That's a big one. No. Okay. So I would say that's really, really common. And I love that you brought up. Like, it's so true.

Even when you meditate, do you guys have a meditation practice or do you try and meditate? It's hard to meditate. We all try. We all try. I hate to say that. Like, who the fuck? Everyone wants to meditate. I have a coffee outside in the morning.

I make my to do list and I work out. And that's meditative. Well, she knows how to check out really well. Like Raina will put her phone away and she'll just self-care and hard thing. That's her own meditation. I'm into breathwork. Yeah. Breathwork's amazing.

Yeah. I did breath work last night. I was like, it's always life-changing when I do it. So all that stuff is important. So we all talk about that. And it is true. Just realizing, first off, that you're disconnected during sex is such a great first step. And then knowing, like, I want to give you some tips here, but you'll get connected

and then you'll get disconnected again. And that's okay. So as many times you just keep coming back to it. So one of my top tips, which anyone could do literally right now, if you're having sex and listening, people probably listen to your podcast. You turn them on and have sex. Probably not much. It turns people.

Maybe they get inspired off. But it turns people on, like, if they're in the car and they're listening to an episode about sex with their partner, yeah. Maybe they'll pull over. Yeah. So this is what you do. A friend of mine told me she did that with her husband. I love it.

The five senses. This is just the easiest way to ground yourself in the moment. Okay. So let's say you're like, oh my God, I'm distracted. I'm worried. Am I doing the right thing? If you immediately just say, what am I smelling? You go through your story, like, what am I smelling?

Okay, I always light this candle. Every time I have sex, I'm like this vanilla candle. So I smell the candle. What am I seeing? I'm seeing my partner's chest. What am I feeling? I put my hand on their chest. You know, what am I tasting?

Their lips, the gum in my mouth still. I got to spit that out. Whatever is happening. What am I hearing? What am I hearing partners brought through the music? And then you go through all five. And then you realize that when you are present with those senses, you literally can't be anywhere else.

Exxiety, worry, stress doesn't live in the present moment. And those senses ground you. So the more you, even if you're driving in the car and you're stressed, You could say like, my hands are on the wheel. I'm chewing gum. I'm hearing, you know, and you go through the loop of the senses. And even if you only get to three of them, and then you get back to the moment. So that's a great way.

That's one tip. I love that. That's one that I just think, I have to do that too. Like just people think, oh, you must know everything. It's like, it is a practice. I have to practice being in the moment. Another thing is when I'm not as connected during sex or I'm feeling like, do you guys ever find this that you start having sex with someone?

And at first it's great. You're making out. And then you're like, how did we get naked already? you're like, why is this going so fast? It's my problem all the time. I race to penetrative sex. I don't wear underwear. So I'm like, all of a sudden my pussy's out.

Like, you just took my pants up. Like, that's why I've been wanting to bring underwear back. So I have a little more of a foreplay practice. Totally. I've gotten that feedback before that I am just, I. You know, it's speeding. And listen. I love oral sex.

Like, I love it so much. It turns me out. I'll masturbate to the thought of giving oral sex. But I race to penetrative sex. You love penetrative sex. sex. I just, I love it. I don't care about my boobs that much. I don't care if somebody goes down on me. I want to like suck a dick and then fuck. I want someone to touch my entire body. Do you have an orgasm during penetrative sex? Absolutely. Every time. See, that's amazing. But it took me a lot of years to know my body and how to move it. But only like 20% of women, maybe 17, have one during penetration. I worked on it though. I want to normalize for other people that that's like not normal. Totally. I know what position to get my body in. I need to be with somebody I try. like it's not always... It's mental too. It's not the penis in my vulva. It's the clitoral simulation

for one when I'm on top and then all the other senses and things. So I just want to make that clear because I'm the same as rain. I can usually get off pretty easy just by penetrated sex. But I'm big on foreplay. I want you to touch my entire body like head to toe. Feel my skin like stroke me up and down like every inch my body before we do anything. That's good self-knowledge. That's one of the pillars, right? Like you know, you know yourself and you know it feels good. And then you can like if that's not happening, you can think, oh, it rerush to sex. I didn't get my nipples touch. You know what I mean? Like, it's just that awareness and that knowledge is helpful. So learning your own body to have orgasms is great. And that's what I want everyone to do just to figure out like duty to vibrate

or all sex. A lot of us do need that. So anyway, sex goes too fast. Sometimes for me, what I recommend people to do is it's okay to slow it down to say, oh, you know what? Let's just stop for a minute. Like, let's take a deep breath. And sometimes I just ground breathwork. my partner and I will just like take a few breaths. And he totally knows now with me what that means. I'm like, let's just breathe. Look into each other's eyes. We'll just breathe and then we reset and then we go back to it.

And I think maybe why I wouldn't have done that in the past as I write about this in smart sex is I used to think that it was not okay to stop sex. Like once it gets going, he's going to get blue balls, which is not a thing. Right. You're going to be in trouble. Like something's going to happen. I'm not a good girl. This is terrible.

And like, you're really a bad lover if you stop the sex because they're so excited. their penises, they're ready to go. And I just realize that when I can reset and take a pause and then go back to it, that also helps me get back into the game. Okay. 100%. I've had so many sexual experiences have lasted a long time to get to the finale. Yeah.

Stop, start again, do a thing. Exactly. You know. That's a linear. Like, make sandwich, who cares? Yeah, get the shower or whatever. Yeah. You got to keep going on.

Like, yeah. I want to talk about self-acceptance a little bit. People have written to the show for years and said Ashley's like the most confident person ever. Well, I think it used to be more of a dig When I have, like, why? Like, with my old face, I think they're like, she's really confident. What do you mean?

She had a different nose before. I had a different face. I looked different now. We're joking, but I do think five years ago, people are like, she's really confident looking like that. No, I've always, I'm going to give you a compliment. I am confident, but I have insecurities. Like, we all do. Yeah, that's what you cut your nose off.

No, I'm going to give you a compliment. So I think this self-acceptance, I think that you actually probably have an easier time having longer periods of sex because you really love your body and you want to me to like touch all the parts of your body. Oh, right, right. You have like very smooth skin. Like I feel like people really get in their heads. Like I have bumps on the back of my arm and I'm like, is that going to feel weird to somebody?

Like I get in my head about like my body and what it looks like and I think I look great. And I'm proud of my body most of the time. But sometimes you're bloated, you're on your period. You just don't feel good about yourself. And it really impedes the ability to make the experience longer. thing because you spend less time like touching, looking. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. So do you have tips for like sort of self-acceptance? I do. I do. Because that's huge. Your body confidence being present with that. Yeah. And I have a lot of sometimes, they're feeling great, sometimes not so great. And so, I mean, a few exercises of realizing if someone's with you, first off,

and I can tell you this from all the years of talking to so many listeners that I've never once. and men are pretty honest with me. Half my audience is men. So they tell me everything. And they're never like, well, I liked her, but she had this weird bump on her elbow. Oh, I liked her, and her left boob is bigger, and her right boobs, so we broke up.

I liked her, but then she gained 10 pounds. Like, that just has never happened, and they're very honest with me. Not that it can't happen. But the majority of what we're worried about, no one else is thinking of at all. So the stuff that's, like, oh, my God, this leg and this thing, people are so happy to be, like, if they're in bed with you, like, good chance, they're psych, they're there, and you guys are in it together, and they're not thinking any of that, okay?

So that's just one thing. And the other thing is just, if we are walking around all day and we're not feeling great in our body. And we're doing negative talk, like, oh, God, I got to lose weight, or I don't want to see myself naked. If that's your experience of yourself with your body, and then you're in a bedroom with somebody, and then the first time you're like naked is there, like you haven't been maybe masturbating, you haven't been touching yourself, you're hating yourself. It's going to be really hard to get that confidence up in that moment if everything you've been doing up to that point has been taking away from that confidence. So a few things you can do. And again,

I always, this stuff really works so I don't mean to be like another journaling thing or another whatever, but this stuff, I laugh at that too. But I have affirmations in the notes in my phone that are like, I am deserving, you know, whatever I'm working on, but for somebody who's like, I'm a, you know, sexual being deserving of pleasure and love. My body feels great when touched this way. I deserve all the pleasure in the world. Like, whatever it is, that stuff's really helpful.

Another thing is just exposure exercises, we call it. And that's taking some time alone and being naked by yourself in your room, looking at the me... Is that what you do? She's that... No, no, no, I just... I love it. I love... I love all of it. I thought you're like, I did that this morning. Oh, well, I'm having an issue with looking at myself naked in the mirror, with my new home here in L.A. I'm trying to figure it out where to put the mirror. I used to just like... Oh, because people can see directly into your house. Yeah. So anyway, it's something I'm

dealing with, probably. Which lines? Well, I've realized, I used to be naked in the mirror a lot. Not like admiring, but just, you look at yourself naked. We all you do. We all look at yourself naked. I don't look at ourself naked every day. So I like to look at yourself and say things like... what you like about yourself. Because that's another one of the practices, is getting comfortable seeing yourself naked. Really, it's a sense of body worshiping yourself, really, putting the right lotions, the good lotions on that make you feel good. And taking a mirror, if you haven't looked between your legs yet and looking at your body and saying like, this is an amazing, like, look what

it can do. Because if you take a vibrator at your fingers and you're like, wow, look how my clitor swells. I mean, look what it does. You get to become the expert in your own body and, you know, learning to love it and working in some of those exercises is helpful. I love this. And you talk in the book about how your brain is like your strongest sex organ. And all these things are just fighting against your own self-talk, your own self-doubt, your own inability to be present. And like if you can master that and you can't because it's your brain, it's going to get so much better in the bedroom. Exactly. You talk about some, I don't know if you call them visualizations, but that's what they felt like to me. And one that

I loved so much was if you're insecure about someone going down on you and you basically masturbate and picture someone going down on you. And the more you can really visualize it, fantasize about it, normalize it in your own brain before there's actually a person down there. I just love that because we get that a lot. I don't want someone going down there. I'm worried about how I'd look or smell or whatever it may be. And so do whatever you're doing to masturbate and think about that to make that your reality. I'm really glad you brought that up because in the oral sex chapter, I had to spend a lot of time on just receiving because so many women have that shame around receiving. I'm like, girl, you're going to love it when you get past that.

Like, someone between your legs because they want to be there, but we have to be open. And so, yeah, even picture it. Is it great. Visualize what you want. Yeah. When you're, when you're masturbating, I think it's important to do that and visualize the pleasure that you deserve and that you're having. And also the confidence thing I think is masturbation does help with that. Okay. Can we talk about pleasure thieves? Yes. And this concept. Okay. And why do they impede a sexual joy. Yes. This is what's getting in the way

of our pleasure. The first one is stress, anxiety. If you are living a stressful life, going from one thing to the next, busy, working, like we all are, there's so much on our to do list, it's really hard to find time for pleasure. You have to prioritize it.

It has to be on your calendar, like everything else. I mean, really, like the time that you take to do anything pleasurable in life. It doesn't have to just be sex. It can be like going for a hike, walking with friends, doing the things that make you feel good, but if we have a lot of too much stress and anxiety, again, people often don't realize the connection there, but that is probably one of the biggest

killers of our sex drive. And then there's trauma. Trauma is a really big one. If you've had any kind of trauma, big T, little T trauma, if your body is in fight or flight, if you are, you know, an anxious person, you've had sexual assault or trauma, which is so common for women, you have therapy, is just a game changer, do some EMDR therapy, find some trauma-informed therapist to work with you on this stuff because talk therapy is great, but there's so many great modalities now that can help people move through trauma because that will keep you from having the most pleasure. And then shame, shame is a huge one. Like the shame that we have around our bodies, around sex, around being sexual, if we grew up in an environment that was particularly like

shameful around sex, you don't just like shake that off once you're 18 and leave home. So that carries people. We have shame around our bodies, things that we've done. So those are the thieves. Okay. You've got to be mindful of those thieves. I also want to encourage people to listen back to our first episode with you, which was during quarantine, right? And that was a little more of the immediate what's going on in the room, too. Like, I always think about that. I think you said something like, if there's a big pile of laundry that you're thinking you have to like put away, not the like shame, trauma, et cetera, but like what's stressing you out in your space? Your space can stress you out too. It's so important. That's the self-awareness part is like, do I know what needs to

be happening in the environment for me to get ready for sex? You probably get a lot of questions about this too. Like, why aren't I in the mood anymore? How come I can't initiate or I don't want have sex with my partner as much? If our environment isn't set up, I mean, smart sex, like a lot of the book is getting people to think about what's going to get them ready for sex because it's not just going to hit you over the head. I mean, sometimes it will early on. You want to sex all the time. New relationship. You rip each other's clothes off every time you see each other. But eventually, sex is going to be something that you're going to have to sort of figure out what works for you, reverse engineer. What's all the thing? You have the laundry away. The house

it to be a certain temperature. My sheets have to be clean. Right? Like, I have to make sure the lubes out. The toys are charged. My neighbors are quiet. The blinds are dead. Like, whatever it is, those are so many different steps that need to happen. I have to finish this text to my person. Whatever it is. If they're still lingering, going back to our first thing, it's going to be hard to be present. So if you're prioritizing sex and you know you want it to happen in your life, we've got to clear out all these other things to make sure you're ready for it. Well, you said that you are into the idea of scheduling sex for that reason, because you can set all those things up and set the mood and do all the things that are blocking it in the first place. And so I got this

new bed yesterday they put up my new bed and it made me realize how the previous bed frame was creaky. And it shouldn't be. Your bed shouldn't like make sounds. And I was like, that's even a small thing. Like nothing takes you out of the mood more than like a creaky bed. Exactly. Something now I'll have this sturdier, better bed that I would be much more excited to have sex and then something that you get going too much and you're hearing like, like, no one wants it. Control your environment. Yeah, control your environment.

Yeah, exactly. Control the environment. I want to talk about shame surrounding sex because Ashley and I're so immersed in this and so are you. So I just, I'll talk about anything to anyone. And I forget that other people have shame around sex and that this is still such a prevalent thing. And Ashley and I were talking to somebody the other day who I would consider highly

enlightened, somebody who's done a lot of self work and therapy. And she said to us, I'm not comfortable with sex because it's not how I grew up. It was not normalized in my home. We gave her a copy of your book, actually, because you sent us a bunch. Yeah, we had next year. And I was so amazed at somebody, even so enlightened in my mind,

still felt so much shame around sex and that it's like this one thing that she's just in a box for her. And she's just like, I don't feel great about it because I was raised with not a lot of positivity around sex. And I think it's really important to like normalize it. I forget that people feel so much shameer at it still. Yeah.

It's more common. Yeah, I'm really glad to brought that up because I think a lot of your listeners are like, oh yeah, like what do I do? you don't just like, I'll just fake it until I make it. Shame is a heady stew. Yeah. It has like this grasp on us.

Yeah. And we really have to unpack it. So can we talk about this desire inventory and the core desire, which I don't think I'd heard that term before. And then I'm trying to figure out what mine is and where it comes from and all this stuff. I think I know it. Okay. So this is fun.

The desire inventory. Yeah. So the desire inventory is basically, again, we're trying to hack your way into understanding who you are as a sexual being. So looking at the desire inventory, you can look at the desire inventory, you can look at, like what do I need to be turned on? Like what are the things that are in the environment? Like maybe I need to have dirty talk.

Maybe I need to have play full time with my partner. Like we need to go for a hike together. We need to play a game together. Maybe we need to role play. Maybe we need to. There's like six or seven of them. And then you rank those and you're like, oh, okay. So this is the thing that I require the most.

Now that I know that, if I don't have that, well, then I'll understand why I'm not turned on. and maybe I should let my partner know what I do need. So just a way to think about it. If you've never thought about it before, you know? Like that's what's so great. It's like, and the way you lay it out is so easy to look at that and be like, oh, I like that. I need that.

I want that. Because it's a mystery to people. I don't know what turns me on. Like, I hope I'll just, hope I'll be turned out tonight. We get in the bedroom, we close her eyes, like hope for the best. Like, why not be smart about it? We do that with every other area of our life. I totally agree.

And visualization for me, like, what do I think about when I masturbate? What's happening? Right. When I masturbate, dirty talk is like the number one thing. Like, what is somebody saying to me is what really turns me on. Is their hand on my throat? Like, where are we? So, like, that's what really turns me out is the words somebody is saying to me during the sexual act. It almost doesn't matter what the sexual act is. So that's what I need? That's my desire. It's peak for me. And if somebody is, like, really silent, it's very hard for me to get there. Yeah. Because I'm wondering the whole time are you enjoying this. And I can't stop thinking about it. So what do you think is really important? You want your desire? Well, I kind of thought. about the core desire too. Like, I just want someone to, like, not be able to get enough of me. And I'd like to be kind of told what to do, take control. Like, I really, I don't want to boss someone around in the bedroom. I prefer that they take control of me. I know it sounds a little cliche, but Rain and I run these two businesses. We're bosses in the streets. Like, I just

want someone to kind of take control and know what they want and just be so obsessed with me and just think I'm like the hottest woman in the world. And I don't think that's strange, but I know people have different core desires than that. That's a great one, though, to be to be desired and to be done. Yeah, exactly. It turns me on to think of, like, being in a public place, and you had said that that's part of it. It's like, you want your partner to not be able to not have you right then, that they have to do it in like a public place or something that's not that traditional

because they can't go one more second, you know? So, yeah, the dirty talk as well, and just someone that feels like they're in control and they want me simultaneously so much, you know? Yeah. I don't think that's that rare. No, it's common. So can I tell you that that, I love that you guys have said this.

I think that, again, giving. so in human permission because that is one of the most common. That's, I'm the same way. A lot of women, we want, and men, all genders want to be like desire. We want to feel like our partner wants us so badly that they can't help but take us, ravish us, you know, be in charge, make the move, initiate. And there's a lot of reasons for that. And again, here's the thing you have to remember about sex is that it's still very much

a new science. We have been studying it that long, a lot of misinformation out there. But there's a lot of reasons for that if you want to get into that. Why women? I don't know if that's as interesting. No, I love to talk about it. And you talked about like the masculine and feminine energies too, which I'm always super intrigued by. I love that. I love all the masculine and feminine stuff. But also like if you felt shame around sex,

like it wasn't okay to be sexual. Like we didn't grow up in that environment, right? But many like, they were told if you masturbate, you go to hell. Sex without, if it's not for procreation is the wrong thing to do. And they heard that every day from somebody growing up. Just because they're 25 now and out living their life in the big city doesn't mean that there's not this voice in their head, right? So to have a partner that just takes them, they are, they're absolved. of any sexual shape. Like in a way, they're like, I couldn't help it. I had to give it up. That's a part of it too.

There's just the like letting go and for our egos and just feeling like someone wants us and not having to be in charge because all day long you guys are boss bitches running in a business and you got shit going on. It feels great. It's our egos. It's compliments.

I mean, that's just hot. Some people feel like they can't let go. They can't be their full selves. They want to take charge more, right? So we just have to know ourselves and there is no right or wrong. And everyone wants to know if they're normal. Like, it's all okay.

If it's consensual, you're not having pain. You know, I think most of this stuff is okay. And I just want to encourage people just to kind of let go of whatever they're holding on to. Most of what you desire and want in the bedroom is totally okay. I wrote this quote too that you said if people have a similar sexual energy, it can kind of translate into a platonic vibe. Yeah. And the connection isn't there, which is something I'm always thinking about.

Because I do think both of us have masculine energy and the story. streets because you know what we do and then that's not what I want to do in the bedroom. And I like the notion that you can ebb and flow between the two. And like it's not always so set in stone and this is the masculine, this is the feminine and it can go back and forth and things like that. So I just, I really love that part of the book. But that was an interesting take of like this is why maybe even in dating, you know, not necessarily sexually why you could have such a great connection with somebody. You talk nonstop and you have all this stuff in common, but you have all this stuff in common. But you don't want to fuck them.

Right, exactly, because there's not the polarity. There's not the energy. It's polarity, it's energetic. Is he, but is he, or she, whoever you're with me, he, is he leading in some way? Is he, is he making plans? Is he kind of like opening, not opening the door, but whatever that version of that is, is he leading, is he confident, is he, that is the masculine energy and we all have it in us.

I'm also my masculine more so than not. But I have to like realize it's the vulnerability. Women, feminine, is, brings the energy. we bring the creativity, we bring the flow, and that masculine is more directed and purposeful. So how that shows up, though, like before you go on a date, what could be a great thing to do is to make sure you're more and you're feminine, like, and what I do too, like with my partner, like I know that all day I'm running around business, got doing this, and then I'm like, do some breath work.

I take a shower. I'll take a steam. I will breathe. Maybe I'll masturbate. I'll slowly put on some like body oil that makes me feel good. I might dance and move my body in ways that, like, make me feel more connected to my body. And I just sort of let go of the day. I definitely have to shower.

Wear something that makes me feel sexy, too. Like, I have just been wearing sweats and my oggs in the house, and now we live together. Literally, it's hard to take my legs off today to get here, right? I was thinking. Wear a dress every once in a while. You know, wear a skirt, wear a dress. And it sounds, but it's for us, that's where the sexual energy comes from and that he feels like he can, you know, and it might, again, I go into it in the book.

and for many people are like, what does that mean? Or is it sexist? Or it's just, it's literally energy. It's you have opposites to attract. And if you're both in your feminine, you're both in your masculine, no one's getting laid. So this is just shake the day off, you know? I went on this date a few weeks ago. I keep thinking about it.

Like I just, I was having a bad day. I was overworked. I was tired. All I talked about was work. And all he talked about was work. He's like a really like successful guy too. And he said to me at one point, like he said it more nice with this, but this is your whole personality.

It's just like work, being the boss, being on the road. running these businesses, like, this is what you're like, he basically said. And I can tell like he was not turned on by it. And I am who I am, and I'm going to show up is who I am, but I think if I could do it all over again,

maybe it would have been a little more like, conscious not to drag this all up on a first day. But you sometimes have to just have self-talk before any situation. Like, I've gone to dinners with girlfriends and been like, I didn't do my best. Same. I talked about work the whole time.

It was like, it was just stressed. It was on my mind. Like, that wasn't my best showing. And it happens on dates too. Like, you said the term, shake it off. it's sometimes just that easy. And I also love in the book that you said, like, sometimes you need your partner

to like make a dinner reservation, tell you he was picking you up and this is where you're going. Yeah. That's so sexy. Just like tell me what to do sometimes. Like take control, made a reservation here. I'm picking you up at seven.

We're going as opposed to like, what do you want to do? And then you're like waffling. Then you get in a fight. Now it's not sexy. No one's getting late. So if you have to tell your partner that you can, this turns me on when you do this.

Yeah, let him lead and encourage him. Like my partner did that a few weeks ago. He's like, sushi, eight o'clock. I'm like, babe, and I tell him like six times, so you remember. I was like, babe, that was really hot. Yeah. I love that you're a sushi.

I'm so glad we're at sushi. Like, I made a big fucking deal of it because it doesn't happen that often. No, I love that. It should happen more. I love that. I think all the time about one of my girlfriends told me that she like tries to compliment her husband on his parenting skills because she's like, I want him to watch him sometimes.

I don't want to be at home all the time. And she was like, I have to let go sometimes and let him make the decisions. But I think about that a lot. And then you have to like compliment them on actually like taking charge. Yeah. Because I can steamroll. you. I will steamroll you. I will pick the time and the restaurant and what we're doing. And like, I've got to let go a little bit. No, this might be good. So I'm seeing you on your next date.

Now that we're talking about it, maybe you consciously just let them do it. You let them take charge. See what happens. See what happens because the masculine wants to lead. They want to know where they can help. They want to know where they can be in their masculine. Now that they need to like back in the day, they need to like pay your way and do all these things. But they want to feel that they could be a value added to your life somehow. I like that, a value ad. Everybody wants to feel. Thank you. But you got it all going on. Like when someone tells me where to be, I just feel like a tingle.

I'm like, oh. Don't ask me what I want to do. Tell me where to be. Exactly. I'm the same. I do not want to plan. If I'm going to hate it, yes, I'll push back. But I don't know what that would be.

The brig for a first date. I guess for a first date. But like the rooster fish, that was a good date. It was, yes. These are bars and Venice, but I was talking about. I just really like it. There was no harm in telling someone, like, how to be. And I had a situation with a guy recently where I was like,

I think I'm just going to let him figure. out. Like there was something that wasn't going right and I was like, I think I'm just going to let him figure this out on his own. And like, I don't need to get into the weeds of the details of it all. But my normal prior to that instinct would have been like, I need to share how this makes feel and what I'm doing and what we should be like, I took a step back and was like, I think he got a vibe. I think he knows where I'm at. And I think I'm just going to let him do this. And it like worked out. And then I felt like very turned on by that. Like I don't need to be someone's mom. Right. That is such a good way to put it. You don't need to solve anything. Like we can all do

shit. Like that's the thing is like, we can do things. We can change tires and make things have things break down. But like, yeah, it would be like, I could fix a situation, whatever it was on the date if there was a problem. But you could be like, fix it. I'd be like, oh yeah, I don't know. Like just let them lead. Let them figure it out. I love that. That's such a great example. Yeah. Well, while we're talking about communication, I do want to, again, encourage people to go back and listen to your last episode with us. I think it was April 2020. But you have seen the book, the three teas of sexual communication. So can we talk about those? We just love a takeaway on this show. I love it. You guys have so many takeaways. These are your takeaways.

I know, but I love your show. You guys are so good. You're on the road. And I follow you on Instagram. I love all the things you guys do. You have to come to a show. I want to come to a show. Well, L.I. will be in November.

Okay, let's do that. Yeah. That'd be fun. Okay. So three T's of communication. I created these three T's because, again, give advice all day long. And then people are like, no, but like, when do I tell my partner that I want them to go down me more?

Or when do I tell them they need to initiate more? How do I fucking do it? So the three T's of communication are great for really any awkward conversation you want to have. But let's do it for sex. So the first thing is timing. You want to find a time. The time has to be right.

It is not when you're like, you're not lobbying it on to another fight you just had. I always say it's when you're not halt, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Just think about that. If you're any one of those things, it's not going to go well. You couldn't know what you're not right.

And then the tone is curious and compassionate and open. Okay. It's not like defensive. And then the turf is outside the bedroom. You not want to have these conversations about your sex life in the bedroom. And I know you think you, why wouldn't we? We're cooking. We're in the kitchen and we're going to talk about a recipe.

No, sex outside the bedroom. I love to recommend when you are on a road trip or you're going for a walk because then it's still intimate, but maybe I contact is awkward. You want to do it, but it's still the conversation. So that's how you started. Emily, you changed my life a couple years ago and you're on the show. I know right now. You were talking about where to talk about this.

And I was like, I know, right after sex when you're in bed together. And Emily, you were like, that is the worst place and the worst time you could do it. And after sex, you're like, let's talk about something you did wrong in the bedroom. You weren't doing that, were you? I just thought that was a hot take. Well, because that's what we assume. And you're like, okay, well, we just said, this problem just happened again. Oh, my God, right.

You go down on me again. Right. I just thought we both had orgasms for here. Yeah. So you changed my life. Yeah, I love it, baby. I love the, we like to talk about, what is it called when you're physically next to each other instead of looking at each other.

It's like the thing. They say this for dates, if you're a more shy person, to go on a date that's a walk or that's something where you're not like having to stare someone down across a dinner table. Yeah.

You know, so the same type of thing. Conversations might be quote-unquote a little harder or give you a little more anxiety if you don't have to stare at them in the face and you can be like walking, driving like you said, like side by side, I guess.

Yeah. Instead of face-to-face. There it is. Yeah. We got there. Side by side. Can you get it. Okay.

And then in the book, there's these 69 questions. And those are to ask your part. partner, right? They're just really fun questions to ask your partner so you get to know them better sexually. Actually, it's funny because I would do my partner this weekend and he like brought them. He's like, let's do this. I'm like, okay. I'm like, I wasn't really, I thought we were chilling right now. Okay. But I loved it. It was so fun to do the questions together because you think we can't know any more about each other, but you always can. You always can. So open them anytime and learn about your

partner. Talk about sex. Make it normal. Make it fun. Totally. And who doesn't want to know what to do. Like, I feel like there are so many people out there just like, guys especially, they're like, tell me what to do. Every woman is different. Every person is different. But that's the thing we hear a lot. And what we see a lot is if we're talking about women and their male partners where their male partner used to crush it in the bedroom with his ex-girlfriend and his new girlfriend doesn't like the same things. And what if we have one guest was like every woman's body is just a different roadmap with a different like treasure at the end. So I think third episode, I hate that guy. But yes. Like it's hard to navigate.

That is exactly the problem is that he probably doesn't know. Like, you're a partner. Like, I used to think that men knew. I just, I don't know if you guys, I made an assumption that men knew what to do, like that they kind of were like, that was part of their DNA. Like, oh, we know how to please a woman. I thought they were like shipped off to some school. And like, that's what they learned.

They don't know. They love feedback. Like you're saying, like they actually, like the right lovers, I think we're so afraid sometimes that we're going to be going back to the shame. A lot of us are afraid that if we know what we want, that we're going to be judged. oh, she's been with so many people that she knows. Well, I have. Right, exactly. Well, this is, you're welcome.

Yeah, thank you. You should thank them. Thank you letters, right? But again, for some people who feel like, I know, I know, but that's where it comes in. I love feedback. I think it's, I will never forget. I gave Roadhead once to the sky who I'd give it a lot of blowjohns to previously, but I think he wanted to like finish the blowjob and he said, twist your hand back and forth when you're going up and down my dick, basically. And I was like, you want that, you want that, you, I'm going up and down just normal and you want me to twist and I had no idea. Tell! That feedback like blew my mind.

I was like, I can't believe you wanted this the whole time. But then the next guy, you start twisting. He's like, babe, quit twisting. Like, quit twisting. And then you're like, well, thanks for telling me. Because I feel like we hear women say, like, can you believe this guy did this thing? I'm like, someone probably liked it. Exactly.

And so just tell. Not right people often. This might be an unpopular opinion, but someone's bad kiss or bad sex in the beginning. I don't think that's right. You liked everything else about them, but maybe it was awkward. Maybe their last partner liked that thing. Yeah. I don't think that the first time you're with someone, you can be like, well, it was

had sex that I'm over. Not about. No, no, no, no. We, the first sexual experience, there's also, they can be great and that's awesome too. And we've all experienced that, but you just can't judge it. You can't. Based on that.

No, they're definitely going off of what they learned in the past. Absolutely. Like, I have like proof, proof of that. Like, I have an ex that, I just think there was a lot of nerves involved. We really liked each other. We had waited a little bit, like, longer than it was normal for me to have sex. It just was bad. And I was like, oh, no.

What a bummer. But I liked him so much. The next weekend, it was incredible. Like, it was just even just the one get it over with bad sex and the literal next time was great. You never would have had it if you were just like, oh my God, he didn't know. That's good. Healthy.

Want to do some fun sex tips? Some sex stuff. Because it's so much mental help in the book, but also you do this fun anal stuff, sex positions. A lot of anal. Solo sex tips for full body orgasms. Where should we start? There's so much.

What are solo sex tips for full body orgasms? Yeah, masturbation. masturbate, I mean, honestly, it's like solo sex masturbation is such an important practice for your overall wellness that's like people just don't think to do it. Okay, so men, I often don't have to remind them to masturbate. I'm like, dude, you're like at Walgreens. Like put that away. Like, you're masturbating, stop. But for women, sometimes you're like, I don't need to or I have a partner or it's not important. And so I give a lot of tips in there for like how to touch yourself in different ways, how to explore. I used to think that I just could only have a clitoral orgasm until I started experimenting

with toys, with having multiple orgasms. So I talk about how to have multiples, which I think is possible for every woman. You could have multiple orgasms. If you've never had anal, you could also on your own experiment with anal. I talk about meditate, masturbate, manifest, which is another practice of mindful masturbation when you are in that place of pleasure and you're meditating and you're masturbating. In that moment when you're orgasming, if you like think of what you want to happen in the future in that moment.

We do this. That's how the sex to a company happened. I was just like masturbate and think about it. I love it. I love it. That is freaking amazing. Like as I was coming, I'm like,

we're going to do this. I love, there you go. I'm huge on manifesting. But when you do it with your sexual energy, you bring your sexual energy into the mix of masturbation. Just like hold a crystal and you're just set for life. Seriously though.

You got it. There's a lot of different tips for penises for vulvas for everybody in there. Okay. I've been having multiple. orgasms recently. On your own? On my own. Okay.

I have to take some time off. I have to take like four days off, five days off. But then I could just... Got it. Just don't stop. Just have the orgasm and keep going. Just keep going. It's exciting.

I know. Well, I passed two nights manual masturbation, orgasm. Like, listen, we have a sex toy company. Like, we can't recommend them enough. I love sex toys so much, like alone with a partner. But I think you sometimes need to just touch yourself. And especially if you're planning on, like,

being with another human, you know, that's kind of maybe not going to use a sex tweet on you. I think it's just helpful to kind of every once in a while mix it up. Exactly. Mix it up with toys, with your hands and like learn what actually feels good to you. So I give different suggestions and tips on how to kind of start to navigate your own body. We just get set in our ways. We hit it and quit it and we just nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you're just hitting it. But how do you explore? How do you expand your orgasmic potential? Okay. And your arousals. What is the A spot? Because we know the G spot and you talk about the G spot a lot, but

It is the anterior forenex. So the A spot is between your cervix and your G spot. And it's in the anterior part of the vagina. And there's a diagram in the book. And essentially, it's just another one of those nerve endings inside of us that when we are really turned on and aroused and breathing and experimenting and open, you can find these other spots. So how are we getting to that?

We're getting there with a toy. Okay. Or a penis. or a finger, and you would just sort of go inside and you would just sort of start to apply pressure. And it helps always, just let me tell you this, if you want to have a G-spot orgasm or nipple orgasm, it really helps to have a clitoral orgasm first in every situation. Okay. So knock that out if you're going to, like, knock it out.

Like, it's easy for many people, have a clitor. Just have a clitor. Right. Use a vibrator, you try. Have that. And then start to just, like, breathe and sort of bring that sexual energy up after orgasm into your body, like really, it's all energy and it's all circulating and it's all your pelvic floor. So those pelvic floor muscles, like the kegles, which are so important to do, if you pump

those muscles, like those are the muscles that get responsive orgasm, but when you pump them, like you tense them and relax them, you're sort of like sending out more energy from the orgasm, right? So you're starting to build that arousal through your body. And then you can go inside with a finger, a penis, a toy, and always use lube, and start to explore. and just sort of see and go slow and kind of move your finger around and see where else you feel pleasure and where else you feel pain

because sometimes there's also pain in there but that's a separate thing. We did a whole episode on it. That's a separate episode. Yeah. About the pain because a lot of feel of pain. Yeah. But here's just pleasure and then keep applying.

Like leave your finger there. And it's like I said, there's pictures. You'll start to feel that there's other areas that feel great to you. And then you would just apply pleasure to that, buy pleasure to that and keep applying and you might have an incredible orgasm. Okay.

And then the G-spot, the method, if you're on your own with your finger, is to, like, go in and do, like, a come-here. So can a penis really hit that? Not so much. Okay. That's the big misconception about it. Okay, so my theory, and I like to call it the G-area, I want to rebrand it.

Like, Nina for this guy named G-Bronberg, who didn't have a G-spot, didn't have a vagina. It was all, you know, men researching this at the beginning. But that's fine. So the G-spot is really more of an area. and it's inside your vaginal opening. And I think it's clitoral nerves. Because, you know, the clitoris has,

it's so big. It has 12,000 nerve endings. I thought it was eight. Did you hear this? You probably did it. It was like, I've learned it from multiple books, but I never knew before that. Yeah, right.

I feel like someone else said this too. Like Emily Nagoski said it on her show. The G area gets clit extension. It's clit extension. Oh, yeah, she did good. I love that Emily said that good. Oh, I don't know if she said that. I don't know a tribute to her,

but somebody also said, like, your clit is the entire area around your, We're calling it Clit Extension. Yeah, it's the Clit extend. I love that. The Clit extend. The Clit extender. Download it for free. Get out of your sex stage.

You guys can use it for your sex station. You guys can use it for your sex story. So the thing is, okay, so you're turned on it. But then you realize it's so, okay, so the clitoris. So here it is, right? The wishbone. So here's the, and you guys know, but just the case, the labia. So here's your labia, but behind the labia is the crua.

And those are the legs to the clitor. So that's why the labia feels really great when massage as well. But if you go in here, the G-spot is like right tucked behind. It's like right behind your clitoris. Okay. So to answer that question, you apply pressure there. So the problem with a lot of sex is when the penis is just going inside, it is missing that area. But if you're grinding on top. Yes. And you're moving around. Or your legs are clenched around them. Like I don't know how you, if you want to share how you guys orgasm. On top. Essentially, it's not because his penis is hitting this area.

Not at all. That's why size, people are obsessed with size. I'm like, it's not really about the size. Not that you can't love size, of course. But for the majority of women,

like two inches would do it, like three inches. Because it's like there. But what we're saying, though, is it's the grinding. It's not because of the penetration. So I think I just want to rebrand that too, that it's probably not going to happen

if he's just pounding away to jackhammer and you're lying back and like there's no rubbing grinding. Well, that's so funny because I used to watch porn and they bounce, bounce, bounce, and I'm scoot, sco, scoot, scoot, Yeah. Bouncing, Exactly.

Exactly. Bouncing is nothing, bitch. What's bouncing doing? But a man is laying down. I'm on top of it. I'm scooting. I'm not bouncing.

The only time I'm bouncing is if he's sitting up and I'm straddling somebody. And then I can bounce a little more. But yeah, I'm having an organism by like dragging my clit across the body. Exactly. The scoot. The scoot. But also it's like that matters.

how your bodies fit together too. Like I used to hook up with this guy, such an animal guy, and something about, I guess, his pelvic bone hit mine. We didn't fit together well. Like, his dick was great, but it was something like what I would normally was used to, getting off, I could still do it,

but like our bodies right there didn't match really well. You wanted to fit together like a puzzle piece and like kind of be able to grind back and forth. And I had like a bruise almost. He's like, what's he got going on down there? So it was like, it had nothing to do with the penis. Yeah. Yeah.

So those our bodies don't work. But again, just to reiterate that it's not the penis. It's like that was blocking the issue. It was the top front. The top front. Exactly. Very technical on this stuff. And you are, I love your rebranding of anal and it's rear entry.

Like I will never be able to see something that says rear entry again. Like I'm going to see a sign that says like rear entry, enter through the back and I'm just going to think of you. Good. But it's, I like the rebranding. Rear entry. I think I call doggy style rear entry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anal, I want to rebranded.

But anal is rear entry. It's like rear. Yeah, I have friends who always send me rear entry signs when they're somewhere like, I'm thinking about you. It's true. I would love if you text me when you see that. I just think the names too, like anal and like doggy style, like there's just so many bad names when it comes to sense.

I just turn us off. It's just true. But yeah, anal too is like such taboo still. I'd say that still is like a taboo area for many. But I think also it just really misunderstood. So I really put a lot of. details in the book about how to do it right, how to receive, how to give, how to experiment on your own. And that really just the anus is another part of our body with a lot of nerve endings

that feel great when stimulated have done in the right way. Slowly breathing, using loop. I have a friend that told me, and I love this. We did a whole episode with Dr. Evan Goldstein. He was great. He's fantastic. He's on your show, right? Yeah, yeah. So I have a friend that was like, I don't do like full penetrative anal. I let him like press his dick against my butt a little bit and I do some dirty talk and then we just fuck. Like you don't have to do like full penetrative anal, bang, bang, bang, you know. You can just play with the area a little bit. Exactly. Just the tip of the anal.

Well, that was our whole thing with blowjobs where we did a whole blowjob episode. If you guys are curious and you want more than that. It was a popular episode if you can believe it. And I think when you're younger, you have this thing if you have to finish it and are you going to spit, are you going to swallow? Oh my God. This is so stressful. And it can just be for play.

Yeah. Like I say that I love shower sex, but it's more shower for play. Like there's so many things that are just turning. ons that aren't necessarily include the finale also. And like, I mean, I love to have someone go down on me, but it's usually not the way I'm climaxing also. That's just part of the foreplay. So the same thing with that.

Sometimes it's just going around the area. This isn't like anal sex coming. It can be just foreplay. But also anal sex coming is great too. Yeah. Not for me. I don't want any of it. But a little bit of foreplay, I could at least deal with it.

You can do some fun dirty talk around it. Like tell me where your dick is, things like that. Whose asshole is this? I love that you know yourself. Do you ever find, I'm just curious about this, like with partners, do you ever find them being intimidated because you have all the information,

all the tools, all the experience? You know, it's so funny. I get asked that question a lot, and I don't know that they do. Maybe they are, I think I asked them afterwards, like, yeah, I was nervous, but they don't seem like that nervous because I think the people,

once they get to my door, I'm like, we've already been better. They're confident enough. Even average men have more confidence than the most amazing woman on the planet. They're like, I got this. She's going to love a orgasm. I think some men do.

They're like, I know that I'm really. Some guys are like, I'm the master. Like, just wait till I meet her. So, yeah, I mean, I think the right guys are like, okay, that's cool. Like, at first they might be intimidated. But I'm like, I'm a normal. Like, I'm not. Totally.

You don't give off intimidation. I'm sorry to ask you a basic question. But the fact that I'd like literally hundreds of vibrators in my room. They're all like color coded and charged and have these special contraptions. That could be intimidating. But they're hidden in anyway. I think we're coming away from that a lot. Like, I think there's a lot of information out there 10 years ago.

Oh, my gosh. in the room. It's like implying they can't take care of business. And I think we've gotten to a much better place where this is just an enhancement to the whole experience. Exactly. Like we got a bunch of nerve endings on our body that feel great when stimulated by vibration for penises too. Like I even tell you, too, like you guys have your vibes. Like you probably say this too. But it's okay if it's a clitor but like use it on the shaft when you're giving a blowjob. Use it in the perineum. Like use it on your nipples. Like just hold it in your hand. Like any vibe will do. And I do think it's way less stigma that men are like, oh my God, she's going to break up with me for the vibrator.

It's like, we're all here to have pleasure, okay? It can't take me, can't cuddle either, so I'm not going to pick up. Right. Cuddling your vibrator. It can't pay for dinner. Spooning. No, it can't be for dinner. Well, our vibrators pay for our dinners. That's a good point.

I was going to say it can't buy me a car, but I guess these vibrators did buy me that car too. Keep selling them. Okay. Anything else? I just think the book is great and people should buy it. I mean, you're so full of a. wealth of information. Your show is phenomenal. Everything you do is just great. I really encourage people to find you. So tell people everywhere that they can find you. Okay, smart sex out tomorrow

wherever you buy your books. And it's sex with Emily. My podcast comes out two times a week, wherever you are listening to podcasts. Sex with Emily on all social media. I'm launching into store two on our website. You can check that out. I have a sex IQ quiz. Everyone can take a sex IQ quiz to see where you're at on the sex IQ spectrum. And that's it. Can I tell you one funny anecdote about the book? Yes. So our copies are not final. It says uncorrected proof, not for sale, whatever.

So you're telling the thing I sent you last thing. I would say it. It's your joke. Well, I was reading the table of contents. And yes, there are copies that are not released yet. They're older copies, I guess. And it was a chapter on how to give better oral. And it starts page 166.

And the next chapter started at page 292. And I was like, am I about to get 130 pages of dick-sucking tips? This is amazing. Here it is. No, it's totally. I mean, again, it says on the cover, uncorrected proof, but it's so funny that it's like,

Rayna caught that. That it's like, the blowjob chapter is going to be from 166 to 292, and she was like, Emily, what an icon. 130 pages on sucking deck.

That's hilarious. It's amazing. Did you guys get the final copies? Yeah, we did. I feel like we're giving away. That's awesome. No, I kind of, I love an uncorrected proof,

actually. I kind of like it. You feel like you're really, like, on the journey. Yeah. And just your Instagram, in general, is just a great,

It's all sex with Emily. Follow me. Some of your questions. I'm here for you. Okay. All right. Thank you. And you guys know where to find us.

Girls Gotta eat.com. Get tour tickets and find all of our episodes and merchandise. You can follow us on Instagram at Girls Got Eat Podcast. Also on TikTok a Girls Got to Eat Podcast. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is rana. com and vibes only. And of course, Vives only.com and vibes only on Instagram.

Subscribe on YouTube, tell a friend, share this episode, have better sex. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.