Girls Gotta Eat - How to Live Your Rich Life and Talk About Money in Relationships with Ramit Sethi

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Let's talk about money, honey! We have Ramit Sethi, best-selling author and star of the hit Netflix show How to Get Rich, back for another game-changing interview. He's breaking down renting vs. buying a home (and debunking myths and misconceptions), the four numbers you need to know when it comes to your spending, how to know if you can afford something, and most importantly – figuring out what your rich life is and how to achieve it. Plus, we're discussing why couples don't talk to each other about money, and how to talk to your partner about it in various scenarios (you have debt, they have debt, you make more, splitting expenses, etc.). Before Ramit joins us, we're talking about the theory of which body part you wash first says something about you, and thoughts about going off birth control. Enjoy! Follow Ramit on Instagram @ramit, check out his Netflix show How to Get Rich, and his book I Will Teach You to Be Rich. Visit his website for more. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Beis: Get 15% off your first purchase at beistravel.com/gge. Living Proof: Get 15% off your first purchase at livingproof.com/gge and use code GGE15. Next Evo: Get 20% off your first order of $40 or more at nextevo.com/gge. Calm: Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where in your money are you aligned with your rich life and where is your money not leading to your rich life? And suddenly they look and they go, oh my God. First episode in the new studio, GGE West. We did it. We did it. Raina just falsely accused Azul of farting. And listen, it sounded like a fart. And then Ashley was like neither russ fart.

Which is a lot. No, Zul really, he's not like a farty dog. You know what I mean? Poopie farts like your mom says. Poohy gas. But he has lost weight. Did I tell you? You both are on that O-Zempic craze.

Your abs have been popping. Azul's in his skin here. They're not on O-Zempe. We're not on OZempe. Azul is in it. We're the only people. We'd like to come out officially. The only people in L.A.

Not on O-Zempeg. No one's looking at this going. That's weird. They look like it. Everyone's like, yeah, we know. We're watching the game. I don't really know anybody close to me on it. No.

Not that would admit it anyway. Well, you can, I think you start to tell. Oh, you could tell. You know. Yeah. He's on his Hollywood diet, I guess. I took him to the vet last week to get some shots. And I was like, oh my gosh.

I'm so happy. You guys go on high. Because he's not spending time in his grandparents. That's who does it. I know. My dad was just saying to me how sad he is he doesn't have grandkids. I was like, I hope that for you someday. That's who you're saying the way over.

I know. I feel sad for because Arlen lives in London. Well, my dad's fucked me over pretty good today. So I was supposed to go to London with him. He deserves it. He does. He deserves to have no grandchildren ever because I was supposed to go to London with him. You know this is actually, by the way, this is the second time I was supposed to go to London with him that he has completely screwed me. Oh my God. The first time I ever went to Europe, which kicked off my travel bug of traveling by myself, I was supposed to go to London with him.

And he was just like, I don't know if I can get it together. And so I was like, I've never been anywhere in the world. I'm just going to go by myself. And I ended up going to like six countries alone. Your dad's a fuckboy? He loves me. Right. He is a fuck boy. He's blue sheets too. Navy blue sheets, Bill Greenberg. I feel like this is so funny. If you were to tell this story and you were like, this guy, we've been supposed to go to London together twice now, both times. He, like, hasn't done it. I've tried to help him expedite his passport.

All this. People would be like, fuck him, girl. You'd be like, it's my dad. That is so true. I literally tried to help him expedite a new passport. I got our business managers involved to help. And he was like, I got it. I'll do it myself.

Tells me today after I booked everything. I don't know if I can go. No. No, no, this is like... He's a brown comforter. Brown. This is all about his beddies. Does he have one lumpy pillow?

Probably. I don't go to his bedroom a lot. As I'm browsing by, brown comforter and blue sheets. Excuse me, where is his Buffy? He's trying to get him a Buffy. I have Buffy to spare. I was going to send to Matt's house,

but I think Bill needs it more. He is a fuck boy. That is so funny. I think my mom has said that about him, just like in different words. What words? She said when I met your dad, he was doing a lot of drugs and fucking everything. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Got it. Yeah. And then I was like... What did they call him back then? Like a jiggleo. He did have a big Afro, like a big, curly Jewish afro. What was it?

Yeah, I feel like that was one of those words. And then it was like player in like the 90s. I don't think you called Jews players. I don't think that... He might be just like, he was an asshole. Or like he was like... a man about town. Yeah, he was a man about town. This giant Jew afro

doing all these drugs and fucking all these girls apparently. Damn. Yeah. Short King, get it in. He's so little. Oh my God. You know every day, by the way, I just laugh all the time about the joke you told about my brother in Chicago. We just got back from Chicago. We're recording this ahead of time, but if you're listening, we just got back. And you said in the Chicago Theater,

we're in the presence of royalty. Raina's brother's here. And the whole audience, 4,000 people were like, and now she's like, a short king. I love your brother. He's like a very good looking guy. He's wonderful and he's successful. If you can see, I'm sure you are.

But I would have never made a short joke about your brother if you hadn't done it at every other show. Your brother is attended. Like the stuff you've said, I've been sitting there like, oh shit. It's true. He's so arrogant, though. He needs to be knocked down, literally. It's got to be knocked down. He can't go any further down.

No, he's like five to seven. right? He's 5'7? Anyway, whatever. Arlen, he's been in a healthy, successful marriage for like a decade. He's like, who's failing now? Okay. Yes, we are recording this before we go to Chicago. But if, you know, you guys came to the show, thank you so much.

I'm sure it was epic. We never had a bad show there. Every show has been iconic. Chicago Theater. The opener, the pack drumline, which is just, I mean, they've been on America's Got Talent. And I'm sure they were, are incredible. we speak now. I like can't wait to see them. And my brother was at Chicago. It's weird that your brother

came and mine is not. Yes, it's so weird. I mean, my whole thing with Matt was I just wanted, I mean, he's been to New York a couple times. He's been to Philly. And I just wanted him to see the Chicago theater show. I mean, it's like the biggest, I don't know, it's about the same size as the Wang, but I just wanted him to see like one of these huge theater shows we do and like take a trip. You know, this is the first trip him and stuff are really taking since Jay has been born. and they don't travel all that much. And so this was like a gift I gave them for Christmas. Like pick a show of your choice.

I want you to come to Chicago. And he has a good friend there that he played football with. And he's never been. And so I just want him to see the city and have like a weekend away. I like kind of spaced out my family and friends this tour. Because it's just, it's a lot when it's everybody in one place. And we're pros at what we do. But there is an added layer of pressure.

And it's just so many people. And so I just wanted people to see different cities and different things that we do. So I have my brother and stuff. coming to Chicago. My parents coming to D.C. And then like Corey and Lauren Lee, the girls are coming to Philly. And I just kind of like it like that. Like everybody's going to a different show instead of like so many people, so much pressure. And my family is coming to zero shows. And that's how I like it. Well, your brother will be in London. Orleans and London. My dad, I don't know. But my mom also I don't know. I have Uncle John's family coming in Philly. So I'm excited. John and Sherry? I'm not sure,

not confirmed, but definitely Sherry's brother and they're family. Okay, I love them. Yeah, they're great. Okay, fun. So that'll be this weekend, Philly and D.C., if you guys are listening, cannot wait, so excited. Yes. So if you're coming to any of those shows, Philly, D.C., Boston, and then the three Ohio shows. These are our last six shows until September. So come out, get tickets, Girls Gotta Eat.com. Everything is available for you and send us stories. Roast your friends that you're coming with. You are a partner that you're coming with, your mom that you're coming with, your fetus that you're coming with, whatever you're bringing. And that stories at at girls got to eat.com. Okay. Let's talk about the studio. So we built this studio out.

It's not quite done. If you see the sign up, it's because we had Anna just sticking on there in post-production. But we don't have the wallpaper in the sign up yet. It's fake. Yeah, you've probably seen it on the other ones in my home. And we had Rob come, my best guy friend, Raina's friend too, obviously, come and help us. And he's just so good at the stuff. He helped us with our last studio and big AV nerd, that guy.

Selfless. I mean, so selfless. He helped us put up sound panels and carpet and everything. I feel so lucky to have him. Yeah. We want car shopping. He's just like my dad. Well, and so we'll be in here and we'll continue to build it out and make it look final in the next couple weeks.

But it was so nice to have him here and that I was here the whole time. Whole time. I've never, you know, I was like joking that you came over three times on Sunday and you're like, you know what I'm going to do. It's come over Wednesday and leave Friday afternoon. Well, you said you wanted to hang out with me more socially. And I was like, say less. You acted like I was being crazy. You were like, I see you literally every day.

I was like, what I'm going to do is move in. And you did do that. So we went to dinner Wednesday night, me and Raina and Rob, and we went to dinner at this place in Venice, and I drove us and I parked in the street. And you guys were going to stay and have like one more glass of wine and like Uber home or you could walk if you were with Rob. Like it would have been safe. He's this huge dude. And I was like, I need to get home. I have some work to do. And so I was just going to drive home. And I left you guys staying at the bar. And you were like, are you sure you want to walk. And I was like, I'm sure I'll be fine. It was 9 p.m. when I was going to walk back to my car. But not a lot of street lights. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, ultimately, I'm walking in my car and I was like, I kind of feel a little unsafe, you know. I was just kind of trying to hustle and like stay close to this guy in front of me, you know, just starting to feel a little shady as I was about to turn the corner onto the street where I'd parked. And I start to approach my car and I see that the window is smashed in. And I just felt my heart sink like to see that.

It's just like such a violation. And then you're like, oh my God, like is someone still around that's dangerous? And so I just was like, oh, my God. I just ran back to the restaurant. I wasn't like running, but I was like walking really fast and like walked in. You guys were still saying at the bar. And I just like burst into tears. But I was like, on the verge of tears, I just was like, I can't believe this.

I've had this car for two weeks, you know, two, three weeks. And it's brand fucking new. And now what? And just thank God Rob was with us. Because it's always like scary to go back there where this had just happened at 8 p.m. Maybe it could have happened when it was still almost light out. Like I was just so upset about it. And again, thank God for Rob.

And obviously we got back here. We cleaned the glass out of the car. And I just had to drive it back to your house. And we kept it here for like two days until someone came out and replaced the glass. And it was the whole to do. We got it fixed. But basically I was just kind of like here a lot.

You let me borrow your car, thankfully. And it's just nice to have people help you get through this stuff. And not that it was like the worst thing in the world. But I just felt, I felt really hurt. Like upset and violated and like scared, you know? You don't want this to happen. Like, you know, it's not like it was right outside your heart. house or it's not like it was in my neighborhood, but we just moved here and I just bought this

car and this happened. And so it sucked. But I will say, I really think the outcome was like spending all this time with you and like being here. Like I spent the night because like we had this big fun girls night. And then the car guy was coming in the morning to do the glass. And so I was like, I'm just going to spend the night. So I was here for like two and a half days straight. And I think it was really nice. It was really like special and fine. We went to the farmer's market together on Friday morning. So whoever did it, thank you for strengthening this relationship. Always come out with a silver lining. And it looks just like new and everything's fine. And it's like it never happened. But fuck, that was shitty. I was really heartbroken for you because like,

you just got the car. And the owner came out in front of that house and was like, what happened? We're like, I don't know. It seems like your fault. Maybe you should put a street lamp on a street. And Rob was like, does this happen a lot? He was like, not a lot. But it happens. I was like, cool, cool. No, I'm so glad I drove. So, yeah. We got through it. It was fine. You and Rob slept over.

It was so fun. And a soul. Like, we all woke up together. It was really fun. Not in the same bed, you know. Rain, I had to say, where you sleep, you are on like a throne atop your house. Like, I feel so safe for you. You're like in this little crow's nest.

Like, no one could get to you. If someone tried to get to you, you could just start throwing stuff down the steps and like, you know, I have knives up there. You have your knife up there. But I do feel once I saw your setup, I'm like, even if someone got in the house, I feel like they wouldn't make it to you. I think about it all the time. I would hear them so much before they would see me.

Also, I've switched out the knife I'm using. Just so you know, I had a butcher knife, which was too long. I've switched to a pairing knife because I feel like nobody will see it. And I feel like you're going to see a butcher knife. But a pairing knife, no one sees that coming. Yeah. It's little. If you guys listen to the podcast a week ago, I've been sleeping with a butcher knife.

It's quite large. Now I've switched to a pairing knife. That's my tip. Oh my God. So my bed is lofted. If you guys are like, what are you guys talking about? It's a dorm room. It's yeah, it's a lofted bed.

So if you know dorm rooms, that's the vibe. Super small. Yeah. Teeny, tiny little house. Teeny little house. Also, I just like, I've been thinking about like having guys over and if I'm like horny in the living room, like by the time we ascend the amount of stairs to my bed, no one's going to be hard anymore because you got to go up the first flight and then pass two bedrooms

and then through the bedroom and up another plate. And like, no one has a heart on by the time they get up there. That's so funny. You lose your boner by the time you get up to the bed. It's funny because you do have this like really big nice house. And when I'm over here, I like feel like I'm at my rich friend's house. And then I've been like, and you're my rich friend. And then I've been, you've a whole other career.

I am richer than Raina. If you guys are wondering, my net worth is more. It's 55 million if you Google it. Yeah, it is. It also says I'm 6, 5, and 33. So all accurate. Everything is accurate that you've read. I've been like bar.

borrowing stuff. I'd a bar a purse last week. I've been bar in a couple sweatshirts. And you have so many clothes and shoes. Like, I think you have a little bit of an addiction. Yeah, I've been a problem. Yeah, you have a problem. And it's like, I don't really know about it until I come over. Like, when we were in your room at New Year's and I was like, what is she doing? Like, she's so many accessories. It's like a Claire's boutique in here. I wear like six things. And then, yes. And then it's like, there's so many closets and so many clothes. And I'm like, I am a little worried about her, but I'm getting in here. So you, Melanie's known for years. because Melanie has stayed at my house a lot

and you have never stayed there so she's known for a long time but you have not known. Also, I've gotten rid of a lot like I had way more stuff in my New York apartment. Like I got rid of like 15 bags of stuff for Goodwill. No, I mean, do you think you have a problem? A little bit, but I'm trying to be better. Do you get sad in the new shop?

No, I just, I feel like I don't have any like cool stuff going on and that I shop. But I like realize I only wear like three things. Yeah. So I have to stop. All right. Well, if you need help, I'm here to talk to you. If you need support and if you need me to take anything off your hands, I will.

You can. A lot of my stuff is really cheap. I buy, like, there's this MewMu bag I really liked and I found like a dupe on Amazon for $30. That's my rich life. Well, we'll talk about it today. And, okay, we need to circle back on showering. Oh, we have to talk about, okay, so we talked about do you wash your legs and how you wash your butthole at time of day for showering. So the follow question was, which part of your body do you wash first?

And I've thought about this deeply in the one shower I've taken since the last time we've recorded. I've taken two. Okay. So listen, I don't know how... Are you looking at CNN? What is this? No, this is some other aside. It's the same article that was basically posted on not like the most legitimate sites.

Just do with this what you will. This was like a thing that came out in like 2022 about from some lifestyle expert. Anu McCurgy revealed that the body part you wash first is a lot of your personality. And then this just got kind of like regurgitated. Okay. Again, like, should I tell you first what I do first? And then you'll tell me what it says about me. Okay.

What do you do first? I go like shoulder to shoulder with a smear and then I go like down my arms, armpits, boobies. And then I like to like really focus on like my badge. Oh my gosh. Same. I think most people do that. Okay.

Where else would one start? Okay. Well, there's six places. They broke down and the results in a six options, five body parts and then one chaotic option. Okay. So. So face.

So face. People start with the face. Are those two separate things? Because you're not washing your face with what you wash your armpits with. I'm just crazy. But like you might go in and do your face first with your face wash. Oh, I don't wash my face. So yeah, you're not a part of the culture.

But so according to this, people who wash their faces first in the shower, love money. And care about what people think. Is there anybody on earth that doesn't love money? That wouldn't take some more of it. That's what I'm saying. Take this with a grain of salt. But I saw another article that said, really care about what people think of you and like your looks. Okay, so next is shoulders.

So that's probably us. I use the shoulders to lather up, like to create the lather. I just started the arms and shoulders. It's believed that those who scrub their shoulders right away tend to carry the world on their shoulders. In the other article, I'm kind of cross-referencing too. It said like you're super motivated and like ambitious and hardworking, but also shoulder washers are believed to be both loyal and reliable. That sounds like us. Okay. Number three, armpits. This means you are very reliable and attentive, but you may come off a bit naive and can lack confidence. I read that somewhere else. If you go armpits first, you're a little insecure. That makes sense. Okay, because you think you're smelly. Maybe. Again, this call me fake news. What if your job was just to like

make this stuff out? You got to write those articles about like, if you're a Gemini, you like this kind of Mexican food. But it was this lifestyle expert that did this. Okay. So chest. Next. Honest and loyal people tend to wash their chest first in the shower. Unfortunately, McCurgy, the expert says these people are usually pretty stressed out as they want to do well. They're stressed out so they rub their nipples first. I don't know. Okay. Who is going nipples first? That is crazy. Number five. Hair. If you wash your hair before any other part of your body, McCurgy said that you're most likely a hopeless romantic. You were often immersed in your thoughts, she said, and that you have the temperament of an

intellectual and an artist. So here's the thing. If I'm washing my hair, I do my hair first. Of course, me too. Okay. Full shower, I'm washing my hair. I shampoo first. And then when my conditioner's on. I wash my body and wash my face. Oh. I let my conditioner sit for a little bit. Wait, you wash your body with conditioner, but then the conditioner runs down your body. I wash my body wash while the conditioner's in my hair. But then rinse out the conditioner. Yeah. And then there's conditioner on your skin. On my skin, what are you talking about? There's water of rinsing it off. I didn't know people did this. Well, I mean, I never thought of it like that. It's just like conditioner. Which could be fine for your skin. Like for all intents and purposes, it is good for your skin.

I never thought about it. I do shampoo, conditioner, shave while they, conditioners in. Wash the conditioner out. Body wash. That's a good move. Body wash. I like that. I did not know you could even do that.

People wash our body. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want in your own shower. Your body your choice. Your shower, your choice. Okay. And then next, any body part. If you have no specific order to your body washing routine, the expert said that you're

probably very adventurous. You never like to be bored, especially when it comes to relationships. You undoubtedly have a very humble personality referring to the random washers. That is crazy. I mean, it's a little chaotic. Like, again, every once in a while, I kind of forget and I do something out of order, but I think most of us have some kind of order. But also, I mean, this is a crazy thing, too, when we talked about this before with,

wasn't there a couple that said they don't have sides of the bed? A couple. I don't understand this. Which was wild to me, because I move around in my bed as one person. Like, I will sometimes sleep on the other side or in the middle, whatever. But a couple that doesn't have sides is insane. This is insane. Both of you are that chaotic.

That's crazy to me. Also, that not of a routine in the shower is crazy to me. Like, I don't, I'm like not a, I'm learning that I'm a little more uptight than I thought I was. But I am not like a super regimented person, but like I do the exact same thing in the shower every single time I have to take a shower. And no variation at all. Yeah. Do you ever vary? I'm just not that rigid with anything.

So I don't know. I could see a world in which I just kind of felt like I was on my period or like, you know, sweaty pussy. And I just go in pussy first. Pussy first. Wow. We need to find what that means. Before shampoo? Pussy first.

What does it mean if you wash your pussy first? Let me look this up. Oh, wait, okay. This was an article that was just like random from some radio station. But if you wash your face first, it means you care about how you're perceived and you're anxious about how others see you. If you wash your legs or arms first, it means that you're strong and have willpower. If you wash your private area, it means that you're introverted or have low self-esteem. If you wash your hair first, you appreciate discipline and order.

If you wash your chest, you're comfortable and confident in your own skin. if you wash your shoulder's neck, you're a hard worker, positive go-getter. If you wash your back, you're always very cautious and don't trust people easily. This was on Hits 106.1 website. The legs wasn't in the other one. Legs first is chaotic energy. I mean, what is your life? Legs first, people can fuck.

ankles. You start bottom up. You're like, I like to start it from the bottom. Now I'm here. Play Drake and then just wash. I do toes first. That is crazy. Toes first.

Never wash my toes. That would be so funny. What part of the body do wash first? Toes, toast. I really like to get a good lather on my ankles. Yeah. Okay. So I have to tell you about this fan interaction I had yesterday.

I just went out for a hike with Azul at Runyon Canyon. And we're just, you know, walking. And I hear Ashley, like loud, loud on the trail. Okay. And she was like, oh, my God. And here's the thing. I love this girl. She was so cute.

She had a loud voice. But I have a loud voice in so do you. So this isn't like throwing shade. Yeah. But when she stopped me, randomly just a lot of people around. Like, it ebbs and flows. You know, it was a Sunday, but it wasn't the sunniest day. So it was like not the most crowded day at Runyon.

But, you know, you come across patches and people are kind of like, it's a little bit of a bottleneck and then you keep it moving. You know, there's dogs and all the things. Zul's off leaves. She's running around meeting other dogs and stuff. And she's like, girls got to eat? And I was like, yeah. She was like, oh my God.

She was like, this is so crazy. And there's a lot of people around. an older couple. She goes, it's so crazy because I was just talking about you how during the pandemic, I was listening to you. And I loved when you guys were saying that you should like do doggy style with a mascot. And she is screaming doggy style at Runyon. People are like, what? I love her. I loved her. And I was like, I love this energy. Talk as loud as you want. We're outside. Yeah. Outdoor voice. Yeah. And so when she said doggy style, I was like, you were caught off guard. I mean, I was caught up guard.

It's hard to catch us off guard. That's what you're like, do you know that people can hear you? Like, people are like laughing, like walking by and giggling. Because she's like, I loved you guys' take on doggy style during the pandemic. I'm like laughing. You know that's my dream. I love when people say that. You know, I love to get to an elevator and say something like butt sex and just like dare other people not to laugh.

Like I just love seeing other people's faces. Just like dare you not to react to this. She was just so confident. Just again, she had her outdoor voice. And I just loved it. And I was like, thank you so much. was like, oh my God, Azul. I feel like it's such a treat to see Azul too, and he's running around.

But I loved that was what she brought up. I loved that she came in hot with doggy style. Because usually, when I went into people on the street, they're like, you know, I was at Home Goods crying my fucking eyes out the other day. This woman told me we helped her leave her husband. Us and Dr. Romney, I'm crying, and Home Goods holding discount towels, but this is better. Yeah. I hope that you guys never hesitate to do that when you see us.

Like, interrupt us at dinner. Come on over. We spend a lot of time together. You can interrupt us. It always warms my heart. Yeah. And then it took me a minute to be like, what did we talk about? And then I was like, oh, right.

The dog filter. You're the Snapchat dog filter? No, no, no. I thought that too at first. I was like, there's no way she's talking about that. And then she said pandemic. We talked about how doggy style was a safe position during COVID. Oh, right.

You keep your mask on. It wasn't just, it was like the health organizations were saying that, right? I mean, yes, there was the New York State Safe Sex Guidelines. I did a whole, it was some of my favorite jokes that I would tell on stage. That was like this whole COVID bit I had. And I think that was my joke. They had a bunch of funny guidelines. That wasn't true.

They had guidelines that were really funny, but I think I added doggy style into the mix. Oh, you made that up. I think. It's all running together. And I was like, that sounds true. They had funny guidelines like, you know, glory holes. That was one of their guidelines.

Remember this? You've seen me do this bit. That's why I thought that the other thing was true. But I also think we just talked about it on the podcast. That is funny. We said it at one of our toasts. Like weird new shows during COVID. Well, even not during COVID, like 2021.

It was still like COVID restrictions. That was funny. But yeah, with masks. It always is amazing to me when somebody will bring up something from episode like 45. And I'm like, that was so many years ago. I know you're talking about. But people really do start from the beginning. And I'm always so attached from people like really try to do that.

Yeah. People tell us that a lot. So thank you if you ever did that. Yeah. I know. At first I was like, she's not talking about the Snapchat dog. That is so. such a deep cut.

Yeah. I was like, yeah, we did say that. We were like, put a mask on and fuck doggy and keep it safe. Yeah, but you guys, like years ago, we said the dog filter for people were sending us photos. We said, yeah, we said put the dog filter from Snapchat on and get fucked doggy style. And people did send fun. I love it. I love that you guys.

You send them to Ashley. Please don't. Yeah, so that was my cutie fan interaction. Then Andrew Collin and I heard a show last night at the Improids. And it was so fun. And it was like my favorite show that we've done here. And just so many girls got to eat listeners. And they were just like so incredible and like came up to me after. I just loved it so much. We love you guys so much. You had a good lineup too. A former G.G. Yes. Michael Blalstein, which will be on stiff socks coming soon. We're recording with Michael

and Trevor this week and Allie Colbert and then this other guy, JT. who was great. Allie has made some, we have an app called Vives Only if you're new here. And we have great erotic audio stories that pair with your Bluetooth devices. But we also have a huge. arsenal of videos in there as well, a big library, not arsenal. I don't know I said arsenal, but same thing. And Allie has made a bunch of videos and she is so good at it. Like her tips are so hysterical, but also like great to follow. So she does dirty talk. She did this one this week about how to be hotter on social media. These videos are short. They're easy. They're fun. They're quick. We've lots of former guests on there. Gigi Engel is in there this

week. She's doing how to have better period sex. Oh. Which I wasn't sure about and you were like, I love it, do it. Which I might start having periods again. Big news. I have talked about this. I decided back in November, no more periods for me. I'm unsubscribing to this life. I'm going birth control all the way through, not skipping days. And I've had a few mishaps. I've had like a random period here and there.

And I'll talk about this more. I'll just say right now that I am debating going off birth control. So which is just kind of crazy that I was like, no more periods, birth control every day. And now I'm like, maybe not. I just have been debating it for a long time. And I can get into the reasons more, maybe next week or the week after. and maybe we'll do a whole episode in this because I very much know that you guys wanted because I posted on my story, I want to hear about you going off the pill if you've been on it for a long

time. And I asked for like the positive effects of it because I know the negative. I know the horror stories. Those are very easily accessible on the internet. And we just know we have a lot of information. I know what all the terrible things that can happen when you go off of it. But I wanted to hear some positives. I want to hear some reinforcement positives aside from getting pregnant if that was your goal. And it's overwhelming. Rana. I've never seen a response like this. like I was sent you like a minute long video of just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Like everybody is talking about this and people are so funny because they're like, I can't wait for the episode. I'm like, this was just for me.

But now I'm like, I really do think we should do an episode on this because I think every woman goes through this battle of like, do I don't I? I'm not having sex. I am having sex. Should I try an IUD? Should I do the pill? Should I do a non-hormonal? Should I just do a period tracker? Like we've done a birth control episode.

But like when I read these responses, I just like have an emotional reaction to it because we're just like all dealing with. with this shit. And there's not as many resources sometimes as you would want. And I want to be a place for that. And I'm just like, we have to deal with so much shit. I mean, that's one of the reasons I get so fired up about, like, of course, men blocking women from being able to get abortions and all these lawmakers. And it's like what women have to do in general, just on a day-to-day basis to make sure they are healthy and don't get pregnant or do get pregnant. I mean, it's unbelievable. So how dare a man ever think they have any dog in this fight? It's crazy to me. This has been a lifelong journey for me.

and it was like 11. Yes. Like 50 years, usually. It was funny. On breath control? No. Like, we have to deal with this for 50 years. Like I was watching Summer House and they were saying they did their fertility testing and

they said you'll probably hit menopause around 51. We know that that's like the average age. So 50, not 50. Almost 40 years for most people. Yeah, 40, 35 years of figuring out what to do and how to manage it and weighing the pros and cons and there's no perfect solution. And I'm reading this. I'm like, God, we all just are in this bullshit together and trying to figure it out.

And yes, like anyone who tries to make it more difficult on us, it just is so enraging. And doctors that don't understand. And I just had a really close friend of mine end up getting a partial hysterectomy. And she was like, I just wasn't getting what I needed from doctors. And I ended up seeing this woman doctor. I'm never not seeing a woman doctor. You know, even just TV shows and hearing people's stories, it's like this is so important. And it's so important if you don't feel right to always get like a second opinion.

and obviously I think a woman doctor did know your body. That's not saying that men can't, but I don't know. It makes me feel a lot of things because it's just not easy. No, I mean, no solution is easy, right? We'll talk about this if we do an episode, but like my journey, I mean, I've been on the pill, I've been off the pill, I've tried a different pill. I went on the ring. I had really crazy symptoms that mimicked kind of a stroke, to be honest, and I had to stop

taking it. I have an IUD, and it's not so pleasant going in for most people, and then my period was crazy for a year. So there's no good solution. I'm very, very happy with my IUD. I'm thrilled with it. Dr. Mirosha did it for me. He's been on our show,

and I'm thrilled with it just beyond thrilled. But there's no easy solution for any of this. I know. I was like talking to Tessa, and she said that, what did you say? Tessa, the pill can give you those headaches?

She's getting a migraine. Or a migraine. I've never even heard of that until today. And then people are in my question box talking about that, how like they had that. And I want to do this episode and we'll do it eventually. And again, we did a great birth control episode with Dr. Sarah Hill a couple months back.

So we have had, you know, a doctor on talk. She's a research psychologist. Oh, sorry. She's not an OBJ. Y Ann. Oh, right. She's a PhD. She's a PhD.

But she's written books. I mean, she's like a birth control expert. So it's just like I realize how many women are battling with this decision seeing like women that are like, please share the results of this because I've been on it for 15 years. I'm debating going off. But I'm scared. And like, what's going to happen? Even if it's like, am I going to gain weight?

A lot of people care about that. I care about it. You know, and affect your skin, your mood, your sex drive, acne, you know, but we'll do it soon. Okay. But, I mean, I kind of decided last night. Last night I had to start at the pack up again. I was like, I'm just not going to do it.

I'm going to just see. I'm going to fuck around and find out. I mean, you've never known me on birth control. I went off of it like seven years ago. I just wasn't having consistent sex. So I don't need to put this in my body anymore. So I don't put anything else in my body. So I don't remember having any crazy side effects.

Some people's boobs fluctuate, but mine were already so enormous. So there was nowhere else for them to go. People are saying your boobs can get smaller, and I'm not about that life. After you get off of it, yeah. After you get off of it. Yeah. That's the thing. Your boobs get bigger when you get on it. What the fuck?

I don't know. I'm not trying to live that life. Your boobs get pretty big on your period, though. Well, I guess now they'll get bigger on my period if I'm naturally cycling. Yeah. I'm a natural woman. But it's like, it affects who you're attracted to. I'm like, what's about to happen?

Who are you about to be attracted to? What do you think? Do you think it's going to change so drastically? Well, I was just thinking like... I'm doing baldies only forever. I'm just wondering how much it does. I mean, last time I was in a serious, serious relationship, I met him off birth control.

It's interesting. I wonder if it affects the level of, like, alpha male that you're attracted to. Like, I'm usually attracted to some pretty beta boys. Well, I mean, I hope I don't get attracted to. You all know who you've been to more masculine men than you already are. Yeah. Yeah, but the ones you've dated really seriously. You know I'm open to whatever.

You are really open to whatever. We're trying to be open to girls. Wait. Can someone please write that they became a lesbian when they got up birth control? Just gives me hope. I read it. I was on birth control back when I was eating pussy, actually.

So I don't know what the correlation is. All right. We'll keep you guys posted. One quick rack, Firefly Lane on Netflix has new episodes out. And now it's done. So I finished it. It's number one on Netflix yesterday. I mean, just bawled my eyes out.

and then remembered, like, I knew it was going to happen. I read this fucking book. You already told me what happened. I don't remember reading this book. I remember reading it, but I don't know if it's that similar to the book. I'm like, was crying like I didn't know it was coming. I knew it was coming because you told me. Did I?

Yeah. You know, I like to read the last page of the book. You told me to tell you. I mean, you asked for spoilers. Yeah. I love this show so much because it is truly about two women who are best friends and their friendship supersedes everything. And they've been friends since they were kids.

But their friendship is more important than her marriage, you know, the one of their marriage, their career. It's the most important thing in their life and their family. And it just reminds you how important that is. And I do, obviously, like, we have that and we met later in life, you know. So I think it's never too late to have a friendship like that. So I just love stories like that that are based around a female friendship that's even more important than like romantic relationships. So I love that show. And you can binge all of it now if you want it to. But strap in. It's so emotional. I saw it was number one. I have two things on Netflix. third season of Indian Matchmaker.

I'm obsessed with the show. I love it so much. I think it's really fascinating because there's 200 marriages in India. They call it a marriage or a love marriage. So marriage is arranged marriage. And then there's love marriage. And it's just interesting to watch the main woman

who's the matchmaker talk to people of our generation about like you just need to accept that you're only going to get 70% of what you want. If you don't like somebody at first date, keep going out with them. Everything she says is kind of a little counterintuitive. It's not necessarily outdated. It's just a different culture and it's different generation.

So I find it really fascinating. And then John Malini's new special is out, which you and I saw. live. Oh, it's out. Okay. Yeah, it's out. That he talks about going to rehab and being on drugs and his intervention and all of that. I liked it. I liked it more live. But that's how it is. I've rarely like comedy specials when I've seen the comedian live. It's just better live. This isn't a hot take. Yeah. I mean, it's just like it's hard to watch comedy on TV. I mean, it's why we've streamed one live show. It just we don't feel like it translates. Like it's just two dimensional. It just doesn't feel

right. You got to be in the room. But it's fine. You need comedy specials in the world. I just like that kind of stuff live. We had a really special experience. We saw him do it, I think, for the first time. It was 90 minutes, almost like two hours. Well, he was just doing it every night at City Winery for like months. Yeah. Yeah.

So we saw him work out. I thought it was really special and fantastic. The special's good. There was some jokes I was like sad that weren't in there. But yeah, it's good. About our business manager. We work with one of the same people and he brought him up in the one we saw and we were like, oh my God.

He was like, that was for drugs. And we were like, what's our business manager? Okay. Well, speaking of Netflix, our guest today has a show on it. Oh, yeah. Up in the top 10, it's trending. It's popping off. And so we'll get into it with him. Okay. All right, guys, we are so excited to welcome our very first guest in Los Angeles. And our brand new studio, he's a returning guest. And we are so happy to have here with us. He is an author of the New York Times bestselling book. I will teach you to be rich. He is the host of the podcast. I will teach you to be rich, which insider named one of the best personal finance podcast of 2023. His day,

new Netflix series. How to Get Rich is out now. It immediately shot to the top 10 on Netflix. We are so excited to have him back. Please welcome to the show. We're meet Satie. Thank you. It's so good to be back. We're so happy to have you back. Thanks for having me. You have really witnessed the whole glow up. Seriously. Last time we were, that was a very nice apartment, but this is on another level. Okay. And also when you came to my, the first apartment, the very first place we ever recorded, you brought us a bottle of class Azul tequila. Wait, why did I do that? Oh, because I know that. To be nice.

And then, by the way, his name's Azul, the dog. Oh, wow. But when you brought that, I didn't know how nice it was. And I was like, the bottle's beautiful. And then come to find out, I actually think I didn't know until I ordered it one time at the bar, like at the stand where I do comedy. And they were like, like, I thought I was going to get it for free for like doing shows. Because you're like, I don't pay for things here. They were like, no, I was like, excuse me.

I was my show and they were like, you're going to have Casamigos. Like, they were like, that's really expensive. I was like, oh, it is. So three years later, you're like, that guy, that was a really nice gift. Yes. And then you know that. So Lindsay, one of my like best friends is friends with your wife. And your wife came to my house morning party.

I'd never met her. Lindsay's just like my friend Cass is going to come. And Cass brought me a bottle. That's my housewarming party. So you guys are rich. And you're going to teach us how to get rich so we can bring clothsizzle everywhere we go. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's the best.

The Repasado. Yeah. That's the white, blue, and bottle. Anyway. So we had you on the show. in Ashley's first apartment. And we talked about all kinds of stuff, personal finance and relationships and getting raises.

You guys can go back and listen to that episode. I think it was May of 2018. We did a whole role play. Oh, yeah, we did do roleplay. And then I basically took over your podcast. I'm like, all right, I'm going to ask the questions from now on. And then we got rich. Yes, you did.

Actually, this is a direct result. You had me on your show. Basically, what, a couple months later, the money just started pouring in. I was just sitting back like, yeah, I knew. That's what happens when you have me on your show. So for anyone else listening, if you want to get rich, you just invite me on your show. Yeah, exactly.

Let me come to your house. Okay, so since the last time we saw you, you launched a podcast, your Netflix show came out and immediately shot to the top 10, like I mentioned. And you said that the response has been like really incredible. So tell us about the response to the show. Well, most people when they think of money, they think it's boring. I don't. I think it's cool. I look at money and I go, okay, that could be a beautiful cashmere coat.

it could be a trip to Disneyland. It could be traveling to Bali for three months. So I think that a lot of us desperately want to talk about money in a fun way, and no one has really done it. So show shot to the top 10, hit number six, number nine, number 10. That's a lot of people watching this show on Netflix. And then the emails and the messages just started pouring in, like tens of thousands of them.

Like every morning I wake up and there's 3,000, 4,000, 5,000 messages. and they just keep coming. And it's awesome. It's like people saying, I watched you in Portugal. I'm in Luxembourg. I'm in Brazil. And you just,

it's kind of amazing knowing that everyone around the world is watching the same thing. It feels like very cosmic. You think? Awesome. Well, what is the overwhelming message?

Is it like, I didn't know this? You taught me this? Or just general, like, glowing recommendations. Like, I'm just curious, clearly when people feel compelled to email, something hit.

Something hit a nerve. I think there's two big things. big one is thank you for talking about money. Like, no one talks about this around me. And then the second one is, hey, Rameit, love the show, quick question, and then like 10 pages of their very specific obscure question. Wait a second. We get that. I'll keep this short. And then it's three pages. And then the ones that say like, buckle up, bitches. I'm like, I can't buckle up. But you know what? The funny thing is most people's questions about money are actually the same. There's like five questions. Okay. They're not unique. And there's this phrase in personal finance.

Personal finance is personal. And I actually don't love that because it makes you think that your situation is totally unique, that we're all special snowflakes. It's not true. I prefer most people are mostly the same. Most people actually need to do the five basic things the same. And if you nail those, you're going to have a very rich life. And if you really want to optimize that last 2% and do something really weird and wacky,

you earned the right to do that. Yeah. Like most people are, like Jared Fried says this. He's like, we're all inside the bell curve. We're all the same. It goes to your show. We all want to watch the same shit. You're not special.

I'm not special. You got to acknowledge, then it's kind of humbling. You're like, okay. I'm pretty much the same as everyone. That's fine. Right. Well, we always laugh because our audience recommend shows to us all the time. And we're just like, of course we're going to like it.

Yeah. I'm the basic bitch. Like, that's just what it is. So we want to talk about a few different things today. But obviously we're a dating show. And I find it so fascinating how much couples don't talk about money. Married couples, too, specifically. we can take when you're dating and when you should bring it up and things like that.

But there was a couple in the show that like really shocked me. And I don't say that in a shaming way because there's stigma around this. Again, you think it's like this personal. Your problems are your own. But they didn't discuss it at all. And they were trying to buy a home. Yeah. There's a few couples that don't talk about money at all.

So I think Monique and Donnell want to buy a house on the show. And just so everybody knows the format, all I know about them before I meet them is their names. and I have access to all their financials. But that's it. I don't know what their question is. I don't know what their situation is. You, the viewer, and me, we have to figure it out together. So I can do a pretty good job guessing, though.

When I look at people's financials, I can see the story. But when I go to meet them, then I find out what's really going on. And often it's not what they think. It's not what I think. There's a lot beneath the surface. So when it comes to homes, you know, we have this obsession in America that you have to buy a house, that you're not successful if you don't own a house. Not true, we can vouch for their.

Yeah, exactly. Well, I rent by choice. And a lot of people are shocked to hear that. They go, the I will teach be rich guy, he rents? Yes. Because in America, we have these phrases like you're throwing money away on rent. But it's funny, we never say that you're throwing money away when you eat sushi. Or you're paying your landlord's mortgage.

Are you sneering when you pay your restaurant owners' mortgage? No. So there's a lot of different ways to look at renting versus owning. And the frank truth is that most of us never run the numbers. So in a city, I've lived in San Francisco, L.A., New York, in those three places, it made more financial sense for me to rent than to own. And so the thing I want to get the message across is never feel guilty for renting. It can be a better financial decision. But sometimes owning can be better. You've got to run the numbers on the biggest purchase of your life. And every situation is different, but when we talk about why it would be better to rent, what would the reasons be? Okay, I'll give you an example. So when I met you last time,

we were all in Manhattan, I'd been living there for quite a few years. I kept a very close eye on real estate prices. Okay. There was an apartment right next to me, same square footage, same number of bedrooms and bathrooms, same view. It would have cost me 2.2 times more to own it than I was renting for. For X number of years, like for five years? Every month. So for example, let's say I was paying $3,000 a month to rent. Let's just say it would have cost at least $6,400 a month when you factor in interest, taxes, maintenance, and other opportunity costs and other phantom costs. Now, most people don't do this. They just go, wait, I'm throwing money away in rent. What I did was, I calculated it, which anyone can do. It's not hard. And then I took the extra money that I would have paid and I just invested it. That actually made me way more money than I would have paid to own this place. Well, because you only make money if you sell it for more, and that happens so long down the road. And New York takes all your money. My aunt and uncle owned a place on the Upper West Side in the early 2000s, sold it 20 years later,

and they were even shook at, like, how much they didn't make. Exactly. And they probably didn't factor in inflation. They certainly didn't factor in maintenance costs. They definitely didn't factor in the cost of their labor. So there's a whole bunch of hidden stuff. I cover all this stuff in my book and all kinds of other places. But the key is it's not as simple as grandma bought a house in Austin,

Texas in 1970 for 400,000. She sold it for $1.4 million. She made a million dollars. That's not true. She made way less than a million dollars if you factor all those other things in. I said this to rain the other day, we were talking about this. And I said this whole thing of throwing money away, you're paying to live. You're paying for value. You're paying for it to live. We all have to pay, you know, you pay your mortgage. You pay whatever it is. Like the cost is, I have a roof above my head. I like my home. You know, like it makes no sense. It's not lighting it on fire. There's a computer right here. Are you throwing your money away on a computer? No, you're paying for something that is a good product. So it's only these a couple of odd things in our culture that we suddenly get very

preachy and weird about. Houses, weddings, handbags. These are a few things that tend to be, like, people stop thinking about the numbers and they suddenly adopt all these weird phrases around it. And what I want us to all understand is that money is emotional. There's nothing wrong with being emotional around money. It's naturally emotional. But we also, especially for big purchases, have got to run the numbers. Sure. And I also love the notion of like, think about the next five to 10 years and why they return on something else you invested in could be. Because how rare do we buy anything that you get like a 20x return on? And you hear these stories like, I know somebody that bought a brownstone in Parklow, Brooklyn, from the 90s first, like pennies. And it's worth millions of dollars now.

But how often do you ever hear a story like that? That's rare. Yeah, exactly. And we typically don't hear about all the other stuff. And you don't have people saying, wow, I actually factored in all these other costs. And here's what I ended up with. Yeah. I've been trying to buy a home for years in Delaware.

But there's a lot to be said for owning. Like, especially you have a family. I get it. Like, you know, and this is all to each their own. But I very much also understand the reasons and especially when it comes to family, emotional, whatever it is, to want to buy home. Stability. Decorating.

Decorating. Exactly. And, you know, there's a lot. lot of other reasons. Yeah, the stability. I can tell you right now, like one day we will buy a house, I'm sure that will be a terrible financial decision and we're still going to do it. Yeah. And that's fine. Like, just go into it, knowing the numbers and knowing why you're doing it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Okay. I have a burning question. I want to go back to it because you said that there's like five things that people always ask you in the emails. So what are like

the buckets? Do you remember? Yeah. Like right now it's how do I invest. Okay. So that's very confusing to people, it feels like a mystery. How do I handle my debt? It feels overwhelming. Basically, I'm in this situation. I don't even know where to start. How do I get unstuck? Those three represent pretty much 90% of the questions I do. Okay. I like normalizing it because I think that you feel like people are suicidal over money, of course. Yeah, the feelings around money, you know, it's interesting. I have people who come on my podcast and they'll be crying within 15 minutes. So I'll bring couples on and I insist that they reveal all their numbers. So suddenly you're here. Suddenly you're a couple with $800,000 in debt, wondering if they can afford to have children.

And then next episode, you'll hear a couple. They've been married 21 years. She's about to divorce him because he's too cheap and their net worth is about $13 million. Now think about this. Have you ever heard a couple talking about money, knowing all their numbers with over $10 million in the bank? Never. We do not have access to these type of conversations.

but when my wife and I were talking about a pre-up, we were talking about financial stuff. Everyone was like, have the conversation. What conversation? And I wish that I could listen in. And so that's what you get to do with the Netflix show and with my podcast. People are not talking about this.

Why do you think? Is it more of shame-based or you make more than your partner or all the things? Okay, so think about the fact that most of us are never taught about money and most of us never seek it out when we're young. There's a lot of information out there, but we don't seek it out. We are amateur money experts.

So we get a job. We don't really know what a 401K is. And we kind of spend on stuff we love. And then at the end of the month, we go, I guess I spent that much. So this is a lifetime of accumulated behaviors, starting from childhood when our parents often say phrases like, we can't afford it. Money doesn't grow on trees. And what were the things that you heard growing up?

We joke about how we thought we would bankrupt the family if we took chips out of the mini bar at hotel. Oh, yeah. We never. If I left a light on in the house, I thought we were going to be sleeping in the street. It's like if I left the refrigerator open, oh my God. I just had no concept of it. Like, I remember like filling out applications.

I was filling out something for income based and like, or there was a check mark for over $100,000, which, you know, my mom was a teacher, my dad had a small business. You know, that's six figures for the family. I don't know how much they actually made. And I was like, we're that rich. I had no concept of like what a family should make.

Like what? So think about that. You grow up hearing these things. You didn't know until you were like 16 years old, how much your family. And then you had no context for what is. Then we start making our first income. And we're not really sure like, should I invest? I can't.

It's expensive. I want to go out with my friends. And then fast forward maybe six, 10, 15 years later, you meet your partner. Now you have never really formally learned how money works. Your partner is the same way. They've never learned, but they have their own set of beliefs. and now it's the two of you trying to combine your world. Of course we don't talk about money.

It's confusing. We feel overwhelmed. We feel ashamed. And we don't even have the language of how to talk about it. It was really upsetting for me as a kid because my parents were divorced at four. And my parents didn't say a lot of bad stuff about each other. My dad almost never about my mom. But like my mom, it was always money, money, money.

Your father owes his child support. Your father. Like I was terrified about money as a child. It came up a lot. It was all the negative talk about my father, how much he owed us, how much she needed. And if I zoom out, I went to private. school, I went to summer camp, we had a car at home. Like, we're comfortable enough, you know, but I was constantly afraid and worried about money, but I didn't even know what that meant.

Do you still feel that same way? Do you think I feel that same way? Not really. I mean, actually the person I talked to the most about money, but maybe, I think Rayne and I maybe are a little similar in that we both struggled for a long time in our 20s, like trying to get our footing. And I mean, I couldn't pay my rent a lot of times when I was like getting started in my 20s and operated from a scarcity mindset well after I had plenty of money. money. That's common when I speak to people and, you know, for example, the couple where the man was very cheap and a variety of other situations where somebody feels scarce about money. And sometimes you feel scarce for a reason. You don't have it. Makes perfect sense to feel scarce. But other times

what you discover is that people can outpace the money part of it. They can start earning more, saving more, but it's really hard to change the psychological. It is. And actually like just little things like, you know, I lived way below my means in New York. I could have afforded a much bigger and nicer apartment, but I liked where I was. But even stuff like taking a nice car to the airport, Ashley would be like, we're up at 6 o'clock in the morning. We have four shows in five days and we're allowed to do something nice for ourselves sometimes. And it took me a little while, like wrap my head around it. It's not like I need to be rolling around a black car all the time. But we work really hard and we're always on the road and I'd like to be comfortable sometimes.

I like that. You know, I think another thing that people think about money is that some old dude is going to walk in wearing like a pocket protector and tell you all the things you're doing wrong with your money. And I'm the last guy to do that. The first question I always ask people is, what is your rich life? And I love when I go into their homes, like on the show, and they welcome me in, which is very intimate. And I'm just like, tell me about your house. It's beautiful. Show me around. And people are very proud of the house or the apartment that they've made for themselves. And sometimes I'll see something like a beautiful bag or some equipment in there. And I get curious. And most people, they kind of start like this, like, uh, like, like,

I know, I probably shouldn't have spent that much. And I'm like, do you love it? They go, yeah. I go, can you afford it? They go, yeah. I go, fantastic. And that is so different than people expect about money because we've been taught from day one, from headlines, you got to cut back on everything.

No lattes, no gym, no jeans, no vacation, no nothing. I'm like, that life sucks. Yeah. Who wants to do? Who wants to never go to a restaurant? And then what, one day when you're 90, oh, okay, the world allows me to go to restaurant, no way. So my philosophy is spend extravagantly on the things you love and cut cost mercilessly on the things you don't. And so when you talk about a black car or a beautiful coat or whatever it may be,

I'm like, awesome. Do you love it? Yes. Can you afford it? Yes. Fantastic. I think the problem lies where you can't afford it. Yeah. And I lived like that for a lot of years where I still lived my rich life. It just was like hard to pay. Well, how did you know you couldn't afford it? Like very, very, very paycheck to paycheck credit cards maxed out and stuff like that. And I, by the skin of my teeth, got it figured out and started making money and paid off my debt. I wasn't like spiraling into debt, but I had more credit card debt than you should. And I had my card declined at dinners and things like that. And it wasn't this dismal situation, but it was not great. And I'm not saying this is how you should live. But I still had to do the bachelor's trips and I still liked clothes and shoes and, you know,

but I knew I couldn't take like black cars. You know, I knew things were out of my. point in life at that time, but I was like definitely living outside of my mean. So when you talk about people spending on the things they love and cutting back on what they don't, like what are a couple examples of even when you cut back? Well, I'm surprised at your answer. I think it's super honest. I think that most people don't know the answer to the question. Like, how do you know if you can afford something? They actually have no idea. Most people are operating more on vibes than they are on numbers when it comes to their money. I'm not kidding. Like they'll literally go. that's really expensive at the grocery store or a vacation. I go, how do you know?

Oh, you say like based on what? They're just like, uh, vibes, feelings. That's it. I go, how do you decide how much to spend on a vacation? And they look at me and they go, uh, you know, I just kind of decide like what feels reasonable. I go, but like what's reasonable to you? And it inevitably is a number that they picked when they were 21 years old. Okay. And they have not mentally adapted to it. So what this is, first of all, when, when I ask someone like, how do you know if you can afford something? Never, ever, does someone pull out a conscious spending plan and say, well, here you go, 20 to 35% guilt free spending.

Here's how I know. It's already planned. Never. They go, um, look, look how it physically shrink. Um, it's like, you know, I just like pick what like feels right. And I go, look, I love feelings. Feelings are real. Fibes, yeah.

Yeah, but I also want you to know four key numbers. And then we can start talking about what's important and what's not. If you don't know four numbers, these are the four numbers you got to know, then you're just operating blindly. Okay, what are they? This is all the four numbers that I track. I don't track the price of asparagus. Who gives a shit? You don't need a budget.

I don't have a budget, but I have four numbers in my conscious spending plan. The first, fixed costs, 50 to 60 percent of your take-home pay. So fixed costs include your mortgage or your rent, your utilities, car payment, cable, any debt payments. The numbers that are fixed, they're basically the same. You can anticipate, yeah. Yeah. Next up would be savings, five to 10% of take home or net pay.

And that's savings for things like an emergency fund, maybe a down payment, things like that. Next up, investments, five to 10% of take home. I would like to see that higher because the more you invest, the more you're going to have, but okay.

And finally, my favorite one is guilt-free spending. Okay. And this is like, you want to go out, you want to use a black car, you want to buy beautiful shirt, fantastic, 20 to 35% of take home pay. Those four numbers should take you 15 minutes to plug in your numbers. Right there,

you're going to look at it like a puzzle and you're going to go, oh my God, I now understand why I'm always so stressed about the price of mushrooms at the grocery store. It has nothing to do with mushrooms. It's because I spend too much on my car and everything else I cannot afford it. Okay. That is how you start. So you're saying that like, let's say you take 30% guilt-free. Yeah. That's in the pocket, 20 to 35%. And then 15% of investment and savings combined, seven and a half each.

Okay. So you have like 45 and then you're saying 55% or fixed costs. Like, and that's kind of a good. Yeah. Now, let's play it out a little bit. These are some numbers that it's really good to know because if you want to live a rich life, you've got to be financially fluent. You got to know the basic language of finance.

And one of the reasons we feel so stressed out is we're just like, we don't know anything. It's like driving around, but not knowing the loss, the traffic loss. Of course you're going to feel stressed. You don't know why everyone's going this way. So there are a few numbers that help you understand, am I spending too much on housing? Am I spending too much on my car? And again, we go to the car dealership and we're just like, I like that one. It's red.

Okay, I don't mind if you get a red car, but I want you to know the numbers behind it. And so, yes, if you're spending 50 to 60% on fixed costs, you're going to have enough for the rest. What you typically find, especially with young people or people living in New York, L.A., etc., is they're spending way more. Because housing is so expensive. Yeah, you're right alone, yeah. So that makes it tough. And especially for young people, it's tough. You know, there are ways to manage it.

You can economize if possible. You may have to cut back on your savings early on. And I don't love that, but sometimes that's the way of the world. you may also have to adjust your guilt-free spending. But at least you know, here's how to benchmark myself. I had no savings in my 20s. I remember the first time I had $3,000 in a savings account. It was the greatest safety net I could have ever imagined in my entire life.

That felt so good. What it feel like to you? I remember feeling like the money had really gone down on my checking account. I was like, oh, my God, I have some money in a savings account. Like, what a net that felt like. I was in an Uber in the back from an airport. I was just like, oh, I can afford to pay for this Uber. I'm going to be okay.

It was this incredible feeling. And I've never had credit card debt. I never like overspent, but I pushed it right up to the limit. To know that I even had the smallest amount was like the best feeling in the world. That's a nice feeling. I mean, everybody has a different life. I've chosen a different career path that was like it didn't compound on each other. Like my career choices did.

But like I didn't have savings in my 20s or investments. But I knew I was on a path to hopefully make it. But I think maybe sometimes people make the mistake where they're just hoping for a miracle. Also, this could have gone very badly. I could have never made it. Odds are. Right. A lot of people, particularly young people, like to think about, you know, my big break is going to come down the road.

It could be an insurance settlement, a lottery, some type of magical job. And I hope that happens. It does for a small amount of people. But I'm not trying to create my life based on hope. Right. That's not a strategy. What a lot of people don't get and what I desperately want people to get, that's why I did the show, is to show you that even $20 a month, putting it aside,

gets you in the habit of investing, and that money turns into serious money. And it's easy. It's easier than brushing your teeth in the morning because it's totally automatic. So when we talk about this, you know, money is so stressful, it's overwhelming. Most people shrink their view to something like, how do I afford that thing at the grocery store? What about if I'm going out on like three dates a week? And I get that. Like, I live that lifestyle. I understand that in New York and other cities. But I also want people to remember that money is about a rich life. It can't be just trying to focus on the next $20 purchase we're going to make. It's got to be bigger than that.

So how do you gauge where to cut? You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's do this thing real quick. I want everyone to follow along. First, I start off and I want to know, what do you love to spend money on? Right. What is yours?

I mean... Wait, it shouldn't take this loan. You know. My lifestyle and, like, my home, I rent, but I like, it's nice. I just bought a car, a luxury car, and I spend... on travel. Which one? Travel or a car?

What do you love to spend on? Travel. Great. Okay. Hold on to that thought. Rana. Absolutely same answer. Travel.

I mean, nothing is more important to me than like experiencing travel, experiencing new places. It's what I've always spent on. Like since in my 20s, it's the thing. I mean, I like clothing. I definitely spend on my house now,

but I could do without the clothes. Travel is the thing. But like, to me, flying in first class or Delta 1 or whatever it is, and like as much as you can do, outside of, you know, flying private, whatever. It's like, it's really valuable to me. Like, we travel so much, so to have access to the lounges and stuff like this.

And I don't say this in like a snobby way. It's just the mouth that we do it and it's less stressful. It's like everything really... Wait, you don't have to justify it to me. No, I love it. I love it. And I want us to be unapologetic about it. And on top of that, to have clear TSA pre-check, I want all those things. And I want a nice car to the airport.

Like, it's got to be... This is what I like. Okay, now we're talking. This is what we want. This is real. Okay. So you love spending on travel. Both of you have the same one. That's called a money dial. And I call it a dial because we can turn it up and we can turn it down. So now here's my second question for you. What if you could quadruple the amount that you spent on travel? What would it look like and feel like for you? Look at these smiles. We would fly private. Tell me. Yeah, we would fly private.

It's a very interesting dynamic here, by the way. I ask you, what do you love to spend on? And we're like going around, but we hit travel, which I love. The most common answer is eating out. That's number one. The second most common is travel. So you two are in good company. Third is health and wellness. And then fourth is mine, which is convenience. And then there's a whole bunch of other ones. So travel is super common. I love that you said it.

And I know how much you travel. I follow you on social. It's crazy. The fact that if you quadrupled, you would go private is super interesting. I like it. I have no problem with it. That's what you want to do.

I love it. For everyone listening and watching, I want you to think about what is your money dial and what would it look like and feel like if you quadrupled it. Most people, their answer, because they say eating out, is they get really linear with it. They go, uh, I'd probably be eating out four times a week.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. And I go, you're going to eat at Chipotle just times four? That's, that's it. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, you're rich. Also, I would pick up the tab. Ashley and I like to take care. Ashley likes to treat. We truly like so.

We like, I love it. Yeah. So if you traveled, I bet. Yes, private. Great. Yes, hotels's great. I have a feeling you'd be tipping huge at these hotels. Great.

There's so many other parts that it. It just trickles down into your life. Maybe you wouldn't even be carrying your bags. They'd be shipped ahead. Like, whatever. Oh, shit. All right. We'll talk about this.

Off camera. And we do like to do things for other people. So if we can like take care of the hotel, the house, the boat for the day for people, like we do do that. Actually more than May. The reason that I ask this is the smiles that you're giving me right now because most of us never actually smile about our money. We only think negatively. We shrink ourselves.

We qualify ourselves. We caveat. And what I want people to do is actually start dreaming about what do I love. I'm unapologetic about it. I like to eat out or I like to do yoga. Okay, what if I could do more of that? Oh my gosh, I would get a trainer. I would do a yoga retreat, whatever.

And I go, now that's a beautiful vision. I love hearing that. And people love it too because they've never actually been asked about it. But then what? Like how do I do it? Then I say, okay, great. If you could spend more, would you enjoy the yoga retreat, the private, etc. They go, yeah, of course I would. I go, great, let's take a look at your numbers. So now

we look at their numbers. After they have visualized what their rich life is, they've articulated it. And I go, okay, maybe you can't afford private today or a yoga retreat, but where in your money are you aligned with your rich life and where is your money not leading to your rich life? And suddenly they look and they go, oh my God, I love health and wellness and I'm eating out like six times a week. that's not aligned. Great. Yeah. Perfect.

Now they are psychologically and informationally ready to make a change. And I go, what if we could take the hundred bucks that you're spending here and redirect it to travel, yoga, whatever. They go, oh, that would be cool. And suddenly money isn't a source of restriction. It's a rich life that you can control. That's how it works. Yeah. I love that.

I like thinking of actual tangible examples. I mean, I also think there's people listening and this would have been me in my 20. I can't begin to comprehend this because I have no money. And like everybody is a different story. But if someone's listening, it's like, I don't know where to even start. I am in debt. I don't make a lot of money.

And this is hard to stomach. Okay. Listening to put on about feet of flying private and shit like that. Like I'm so far from, what do we say to those? I like that you say that because you're right. Private for the vast majority of people is totally. For us.

Yeah. But I'm saying like I want to sympathize. Yeah. You can visualize because you've come far on your journey. Let's start at the very beginning. When I was early in my career, if you'd ask me this question, my money dial, my rich life thing was to be able to afford appetizers. That's it.

Because when I was a kid, we never ate out. And when we did, it was once every six to eight weeks with a coupon. We never, ever ordered appetizers. Like, we wouldn't dare ask our parents, ever. So when I got into my early 20s, I was like, wait a second, you're telling me, if I go to a restaurant, I can order that. It's crazy. And if, what is it?

10 bucks, 15 bucks, and it made me feel so good, irrationally good. So that to me was amazing. Then it was, it got a little bigger. It was being able to take a taxi on an August day, if I'm going to a meeting instead of coming out of the subway sweaty, 15, 20 bucks felt amazing. So we start with what's meaningful to us. And it can be small. It can be saying, you know, I'm going to the grocery store and I'm going to buy this type of snack.

and it's $3 more, but it's important to me. Okay, so now we're connecting money with the thing we love, and it can be small. But what I don't want people to do is what most of us do is to feel bad about money, to feel overwhelmed by money, to say, I can't afford to spend anything nice, and then do it anyway. That's what most people do. Right. The point is to understand your financial situation, for sure.

I think it's really nice to normalize that everybody feels like this. And like, even especially in relationships, you're like, everybody knows, It will not end well if you don't discuss this with your partner, but most people don't. It's hard. I think it's good to normalize that we're all a little panicked about this and we don't do this. Is there language or approaches that you've even advised the couples on of how to start? Like, where do we start with a couple that is like, I don't even know where to start? Okay, so I bring them on the podcast and it is striking.

Some of these couples are just in a relationship. Some of them have been married for 35 years. And we will pick a certain topic. Like, one of them will be like, I can't believe that they, always do this or they spend money on that. I go, okay, well, go ahead and talk about it. I'll just observe. And I watch them. And watching a real couple is so fascinating. It's like being a Yeah. I mean, it's true. And restaurants are like, oh my God, they haven't talked in 20 minutes. They hate each other. No. Although I have to say, I've been that person because my wife and I,

when we travel sometimes, you know, after a while, sometimes you're just like, and we've only been married five years. We love each other. But we're traveling together for a while. Yeah. And sometimes we're like, you know what, I think it's going to be like, we're okay to be on our phones. And we're like, oh my God, we're that couple. We're that couple. Yeah, and we're looking at it. I'm going, Ashley, look at them. You guys are in the corner like, they hate each other.

I'm like, uh, well, Rain and I, I'm getting self-conscious right now. We've never ever been silent. We always, but here's why. You cannot resonate. You're like, what? No, here's why. If you see us at dinner, we are chatterboxes, but because we didn't sleep together and we didn't sit next to each other in the plane.

So we have our alone time. And we're also happy to travel together and not see each other all day and be like, I need some time to myself. So when we do connect, we are that couple in the restaurant that's just so much chemistry. We have so much talking about. I mean, we on vacation, like Ashley will work out. She takes a walk. She likes to, like to explore the sites. I like to sit in my room, watch Vanderpump Rules and order to Panera.

And I will see her at the end of the day. Oh, my God. By the way, I'm obsessed with this season. But it's funny. Everybody's obsessed with this season. I can't get enough of it. It's kind of funny like Raina and I, because Raina, was ordering room service before I...

I only did that, like, very recently. Two entrees. What the f! Hold on, I'm about the way down right now. That's her rich life. Are you serious? We first started traveling before I felt like we had money. I wouldn't have dreamed of ordered room service.

And Raina, that was what really gets for going. What do you love about that? It just feels so luxurious to be in a bed, in a hotel, and somebody brings you the food and you're watching a lot of order as for you and your panties and you're just eating eggs in the bed. So good. It's so expensive. I would be like, Raina, what are you doing?

We're, like, we don't have this kind of money. Wait, this is crazy. Okay, this is what I love. The first time I ever got room service, I was... Not that it's my money, but yeah. I was in college, and I went to, for some recruiting trip, and they had told me, like, you can get whatever you want, the company will pay for it. I was like, what do you mean, whatever?

Like, do you mean I can call downstairs and they will bring up my food and the company will pay for it? They're like, uh, yeah. So I still remember the meal I had. I was probably 20 years old. This is what I bawled out on. Oh, God, you remember me all. I love it.

I got a chicken sandwich, uh, fries and a milkshake. I went like big. And it was like $56. Of course. Plus tip. I was like, are they going to pay me back?

I was like, how do this? And you know what? The feeling has not left me. Like when now I also will get room service occasionally and they bring in like 10 trays and all this stuff. I'm like, this is insane.

But there's a feeling we have about something that feels special to us. obviously you can afford it now, I can afford it. But to me, ordering appetizers, which is still 10 or 15 bucks, still feels like, oh my God, I'm getting away with it. It never leaves you. And I don't think that it should. I think that you should always remember where you came from and the things that you used to struggle. And I don't want to be flippant with money. Exactly. Forever. But this is why, because a lot of people, they have this belief that if you start spending more, you're just going to become like this sort of nothing phases you anymore, nothing pleases you anymore. But to me, like, sure, I've gotten used to certain things spending higher.

But the things that are meaningful to me, and I bet it's the same for you. The things that are meaningful to you, it never stops being meaningful. So for me, appetizers now, I can buy all the appetizers, but it still feels incredibly meaningful. And that's what I want people to connect with is don't just spend money on the things you don't care about. Be intentional and actually spend more on the things you love. I love that too, because you get kind of bogged down in what you think you should spend on and like I don't care really about purses.

Like I could buy really expensive purses. I wear that Lula Lemon Cross Body bag every fucking day. I have a couple nice ones. And it's this thing as a woman that you think like if you can afford a burkin, you should buy a fucking burkiner or a Chanel bag. And it's like, yeah, but for me, I'm like, no, I just want to fly in Delta One. And that's such a better experience for me than a bag.

Like, let's bring it down and not. Just talk about appetizers versus some other thing. Like it doesn't have to be handbags and... Well, for me, it's wine at a restaurant. I think the waiter comes over and you think like you're in front of other people. I got to order something at a certain value or you look at a wine list. There's like one thing that's $12 and the other wines are 18. You're like, I don't want to order the cheapest thing on.

I love looking at the waiter and be like whatever one is cheaper. Like whenever there's like three chardonnays and you're like, which one do you want? I'm like just pick the cheap one. So you just don't care. You enjoy the wine, but it's not about like the price or the... You know, I worked in restaurants my whole life. I have tons of wine knowledge. I have tons of wine training, wine tastings.

My boyfriend who I lived with for a long time was a wine smolier. I just don't care. Like, I think that there's probably a difference between two-buck Chuck from Trader Joe's and a $500 bottle of wine, but I don't really taste a difference. So I'm not going to splurge on it. I love a nice glass of wine. But, like, I don't need to order the expensive one because I think it's going to impress the table. This is what I love hearing. I love people getting in touch deeply with what's important to them and what's not.

I have the same thing. I love clothes and my wife is a personal stylist. And, like, I enjoy it. I love them. on the other hand, I drive a car that is so old. It's just not important to me. And people like, there's no way you drive that car. I'm like, yes, I drive that car.

And it's just, what I want people to do is for all of us to think of almost our spending as like a barbell. You have heavy weights on one part of that barbell. That's the stuff you love to spend money on. And on the other, you have heavy stuff that you don't care about. To me, that's much more personal than let's just spend a little bit on everything. That's not meaningful. When I look at your spending, it should fit you like a handmade glove. love. And I should be able to tell that it's Ashley, that it's Raina spending and

remeats and whoever's watching and listening. But if you're spending just the same amount on everything, there's a lack of prioritization. I like that. So I don't know if we went back to couples. How do they start talking about? I think a lot of our listeners are probably in the serious relationship about to get married or just got married phase. We don't have a lot of like married for 35 years listeners. I hope we get more. But yeah, yeah, get a little younger. Next time I come on, you're going to have everyone under the sun. Every time I come this podcast is like massive. Thank you. I mean, congratulations. Thanks. Thanks. Congratulations. Okay. Here's how you can start talking about money. I find that most couples don't really have

like a sit down talk. It's just kind of danced around. You know, who should pick up the check and like, oh, we're taking our first trip. That's totally fine. My suggestion is that there are natural moments in a relationship that you should definitely take advantage of, like your first trip, like if you're moving in together, if you're getting engaged. Definitely, that's an opportunity to be like, hey, I'd love to sit down. You know, money's going to be an important part of our life. and I wonder if we could just talk about how we think about it. That's natural. If you don't have one of those pivotal moments coming up,

if you've just been dating a while and you're like, hey, I'm actually like kind of eager to talk about this. I don't know how to bring it up. You can ask questions that are sort of innocent, but they're curious. So you might be like, hey, I was listening to this episode on Girls Got to Eat. We're talking about money.

I'm curious, how were you raised with money? Like, what did your parents talk about with money? I love how you phrase this, by the way, that it's phrasing it as how do you think about money? Not what do you make, what do you spend? And it feels non-accusatory. It feels really, like, comfortable. It should be.

Because if I'm in this situation, I'm genuinely curious about my partner. Totally. What their parents do? How'd they grow up? I was asking you, Ashley, like, what did your parents say? You know, and you were telling me about, oh, they were this and they were that occupation. Cool. Like, what do you remember them teaching you?

Like, were they good with money? And then, of course, you want to offer your own stories. You know, my parents, we never really ate out. And I just remember one time we got dessert and it felt so good. End it. End it on a high note. The goal is not to get their Roth IRA balance. The goal is just to connect and then call it a day.

You can always come back and you can talk about it more over multiple conversations. Okay. But maybe we've gone down the road a little bit further. And I've talked about this, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. But I've gone down the road too far. And you're just like, I'm paying for everything. And I don't know how to backtrack. And I don't know how to bring this up at this point.

I know how you think about money. You're happy to let me pay for stuff. Yeah. You're like, I got that one. You know, I feel like to Ramit's point, if you could go back in time, you would have talked about it before the first trip.

And it's really, I love the way you frame this in terms of moments. Like, these things are centered around spending, vacations, trips. You've got to go to someone's wedding, like all of that stuff.

We went to San Diego. Exactly that trip I would go back and say. Yeah, let's talk about who's going to pay for the car. Yeah. Right. And again, of course,

you're talking about moving in together and things like that, but probably you've taken a trip before that. Maybe, maybe not. I love the idea of moments. Exactly. And really, it's not about judging. It's not about being accusatory. It's really like, hey, this is an important

thing for us. This is our first trip. I'm really looking forward to it. I can't wait to go. I'm just curious, how do you think about payment for this trip? Like, what do you have in mind? And literally, you don't know the answer. You shouldn't. You're just asking. And now, obviously, if you can do this in the right order, you're going to be golden long term. It's just like investing. If you can start when you're 21, you're going to be golden, but a lot of people don't. That's okay. I wish I started deadlifting when I was 21. I didn't know, so I didn't. But the next best thing you can do is if you're trying to recalibrate the relationship, that's much harder. That's harder. But it can be done. It's a two-step approach. The first is giving your partner a heads up that you'd like to talk about

it. And the second is actually talking about it. So first you go, you know what? I'd really love to sit down and talk about money in our relationship. I've been thinking about money. I realize there's some things I'd love to understand from you. Can we set up a time to talk in the next few days? That right there is super non-accusatory. And you have to remember that people feel very vulnerable when somebody comes to them and says, I want to talk about money. Yeah.

So just ask them to talk and then pick a time and then say, great, and don't talk about it until the next time. The next time you say, you know what? I've realized that when it comes to money in our relationship, the way that I think we've fallen into a pattern is that we go out to dinner and most of the time I pick up the check and I love treating you.

I love being generous, but I've realized that it's not feeling fair to me. And I wonder if there's something we can do to change it. Now, in your head, you may know there is definitely something we can do to change it. That is you've got to pick up the check sometimes. If you come in like a bull in a china shop, just breaking it, that's not good. So I like slowing it down. The purpose of this is not to be efficient. It's to connect with your partner, even if it means over a difficult conversation.

And you said we a lot in a really good way. What can we do to fix this? because it also is like, I'm going to work on this with you. It's not like, you need to step up to the plate and pay. And I'm definitely at that point when I'm trying to have this conversation. But I like forming it as a less of an accusatory, like, you need to tell me what you're going to do to fix it. Yeah. That may happen if other steps don't work.

It may get to the point where you do that. That's a different. Conversation one, a little different. So I think a thing that people struggle with is debt on A, you are embarrassed of your debt or be, you're worried your partner has. debt and will become your debt if you decide to get married or whatever it may be. So how can you broach that topic? I mean, also, some people are pretty open about it. I dated a guy that just told me probably too soon.

I was like, oh, okay, well, good to know. What did he say? I'm a broke bitch. Yeah, which honestly, I kind of appreciate it. I really appreciate it. But then I didn't feel comfortable talking about my money. I mean, it was a disaster. But whatever, we've discussed that on previous episodes.

But yeah, let's talk about this debt situation. People feel so overwhelmed by having debt and ashamed. And so this is one of the most common things I hear is I have this debt. How do I bring it up? What am I supposed to do? And the longer it goes on, the more pressure they feel they've created on themselves. Personally, I think it is extremely attractive if somebody comes in and says, you know what, I'd love to talk about something that's been on my mind.

When it comes to my money, I've been taking a closer look. When I was in my early 20s, I wasn't really paying a lot of attention to money. I was going out, I was living in a city, and I racked up some debt. And in the last few months, I've started to take this more seriously. I listened to this episode, I watched this show, read this book, and I realized I have some credit card debt. I'm making a plan to pay it off. It's going to take me a while.

But I wanted you to know, because I know that we've got something good and money's going to be a part of that relationship. So I want to be transparent with you. Come with a plan. Yeah. Yeah. Come with the plans. Very attractive.

I think, I mean, when I worked at Amazon, like, there was a hard place to work. And it was like, you never went to a meeting without a plan. Like, you would be annihilated. Like, it wasn't like, this isn't working, you know? So, like, this is a great idea to come in a plan. Tell me what you're going to do. And when you take control, even if you have a bad situation, even if you have credit card debt or tons of student loan debt, as long as you have a plan, that's attractive. If you come in and you just don't talk about it, that's not good. How would you want to be treated? Not like that. So on the other side, let's, let's be treated. Let's be treated. I don't like that. So on the other side, let's say you're a woman and you're doing well. You're making money or

enough money and you're living a version of your rich life and you've met some dude and you're like, I think he is fucked up with money. I think he's irresponsible. I think the way he spends is crazy. He's probably got some debt. Like, where do you even start? You got to talk about it. You got to talk about it. Yeah. Because I've spoken to many couples on my podcast who are in a similar situation. I have higher earning women, higher earning men. I have gay couples. I have all across the spectrum. And this idea that because I make more money,

I can't bring it up because it would make them feel bad or it would make me somehow into this money-hungry person. I don't believe that. I think money is a small but important part of a rich life. Money determines where you live, what you eat, how you raise your children. It can even determine part of who you are. So instead of dancing,

around it, let's talk about it. So some ways you could do that. You could say, look, I know that we've got two different careers. I know that my career, for whatever reason, through luck and hard work has given me the ability to make a pretty high income. I don't mind that. I'm proud of it. But I'd like to talk about how we both see money in our relationship. Let's have a conversation. What do we earn? What do we think we're going to earn? What does it mean for us? And we don't have to know everything today, but I think we should be able to talk about it. I love that. Write that down, everybody. No, that was perfect. It was perfectly said. Like, keep it light. Keep it light. Yeah. And just be honest. Like, this is important to me. You can say that. This is important to me. And when you acknowledge it, you're not using a lot of words because more words reduce your power. You're saying, look, this is important to me. And because of my occupation, I've had the opportunity, blah, blah, blah. That person receives a message. Number one, they hear what you're saying, just the words. But number two, they go, wow, she is very confident. And that can either make them rise up and be,

equally confident and take control, or it can make them say, you know, maybe this isn't for me. And that's also okay. Yeah. Ultimately, I think in a lot of relationships, friendships, friendships even, the problem at the beginning is the problem at the end. And so people are scared to bring this up because they don't want to know the answer and they think it could potentially end the relationship, but it will end the relationship eventually. Or you'll be in a bad situation, you know. So some men admittedly can't handle a woman that makes a bunch more. And vice versa. And vice versa. Like any dynamic may just not work, but the conversation, if it's on your mind, it will never not be

on your mind. Yes. There's so much power in calling out the elephant in the room, the dynamic that exists. People are smart. They know the dynamic. He's saying that all the time. Like, even if you're not acknowledging it, like, they're aware of what's going on. I remember when I finally had this conversation with my ex, where I like, freak the fuck out.

And he was like, you think I didn't know this? You think I didn't think about this every single day. Everything you paid for. every time you picked up the tab, I was like, well, you didn't want to offer her. You're like, well, this is actually worse than I thought. I was like, okay, so you could have just paid, but you were just like thinking about him, feeling sad. But, you know, he was like, yeah, every day this was an issue. This existed in our relationship between us at all time.

But you guys, you know, like I said, if you could go back in time, like you wouldn't end it up together, but it could have been better because his whole thing was, how do I go back now? We kind of struck this dynamic of her pain early on. And so now what do I do? Where had you guys just discussed it before the first vacation, he handles the ubers or he does this, he does that, whatever your setup was, it would have worked better until it didn't. And money is one of those problems that just isn't going to go away.

It's not like a bug bite. It compounds one way or another. And I have a lot of compassion. Yeah, I have a lot of compassion because this is hard stuff. No one until very recently has ever heard couples talking about this. Nobody teaches us this. We don't even know our own view on money. So how are we supposed to know how to form a philosophy in a relationship around money?

It's really hard. So when I do this show and my podcast, it gets me excited because I can actually show real couples and how they struggle with it. But the good news is most of them have a pretty good chance of making a change. I love that. So we have a few minutes left with you. And I'm curious if you have learned anything over the course of the show. This might be a loaded question, but any new information or things that you want to pass

on to our listeners, maybe specifically in the world of dating and relationships? I have learned so much. I have learned that being invited into someone's house is one of the most intimate things. And for them to invite me and then talk about money with me is incredibly intimate. That is something that almost nobody gets a chance to do. So I felt very honored about that. I've learned that some people are ready to make a change and others are not. And And that's life. In my business, I used to think that success for me was getting a huge transformation. You know, they went from 50K in debt to a $75,000 raise and I could put the before and after. And I think what I've come to realize now is that there's some people who do massive transformations.

I love that. I love to feature them. There's some people who do not want to go that far. They really want to go not from A to Z, but maybe A to B. Just a little step. That's also okay. Not everybody wants to or is able or willing to go the full way. And some people are not ready at all. That's okay too. That's life. We all have something, I'm sure, in our own life that we know we should be doing better. And we're just not.

Maybe we're ignoring it. Maybe we're in denial. Maybe we're like, I'll do it later. Every single one of us, including me. And there's kind of a beauty in that part of humanity where we're not all perfect robots. We're good at some things. We struggle at other things and that's just okay. I like the notion that some people just aren't ready.

Everybody listening to this isn't going to write a debt plan today. You know, like life happens. You have children and you have a mortgage and you're just like, I can't deal with my dad. I just have to like get by tomorrow. Yes. Well, I also just like knowing the type of life you want to live because I always wanted to keep going, get to the top,

make a lot of money, you know, achieve these things. And some people don't, and that's, wonderful too. If you can do something you enjoy enough, make a living, not have to stress about money, have your needs met. That's a rich life for a lot of people. And I think it's also within relationships figuring out if you match in that way too. Because I have found that where I'm like, don't you want to do more and get, you know, be like, it's all that like ambition and hard work and all this stuff. And some people are like, no, I'm good. Yeah, totally. That's kind of refreshing because. Yeah. Some people look at the hustlers and think your life is a nightmare.

Yeah. Absolutely. Some of the hustlers actually shift in a different career or a different phase of their life or different season. They go, you know what? I did that in the past. And now I'm with family or I'm relaxing. And that's okay too. So all of us are on our own journey. That's totally fine. I will say, I was not surprised by this, but thousands of people in comments are surprised. They go, I've been watching this show, how to get rich. And I'm shocked at how. how couples do not talk about money and how people do not have a sense of money. And I'm like, I'm not shocked. That's been happening for the last 20 years in my business. What that really shows is that money is something we use every day, we think about every day, but most of us have never spent one weekend reading a single book

or watching a show about money. And to me, that's a tragedy. It's a tragedy to live a smaller life than you have to. So, you know, you have people who go, I want to travel more, or I love to eat out at these beautiful restaurants. I go fantastic. Let's talk about how to do it. Maybe you can do it today and you didn't even know it, or let's put a plan together and you can do it tomorrow. The fact that sometimes we are so stuck

in asking $3 questions instead of $30,000 questions, that's a tragedy to me. And so what I try to do is to help people focus on the big stuff. Coffee is not going to change your life. If you like your morning coffee, go buy it. It makes no difference. But things like, do you have automatic savings set up? Do you know what asset allocation means? That right. right there is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. And most people have never heard that phrase. So I want people to learn the basic language of money because you can actually get really good at it. Right. And just small things like a high yield savings account, things like that, like we're probably in your book. And things that like they're not get rich quick schemes, but they're doing something. We think about that in

every aspect of life, just something small that's going in the upward trajectory. Yeah. It all starts to align. And the good news is you don't have to do everything perfectly. You really don't. But a few key things you get them right, you can actually live a very, very good life. Yeah, I love that. Oh, for me, you're amazing. We're so happy to have you back,

and we're so excited for your success and we knew you were going to be. So I know, you look hot in the show too. I mean, you look great in real life, but he told me privately. But it's also like, they get you in like a slow-mo. Like, it's just... No, that's just how I walk.

But it's like a sexy vibe. Just walk around New York, teaching people to get rich. You got a slow-mo moment. The music's going. Like, it's fun to see someone we know, like a friend in that like Netflix edit. It's nice. Yeah, it's sexy. I'm trying to keep it tame over here. We know his wife. Yeah, she's sexy too.

We're sexy together. Well, I think that you mentioned a lot of stuff on this. So I know that people will definitely want to like dig further in and like learn more. So I know your website is a wealth of information. Your Instagram is great. Where can people like find everything that you do? So you can find IWT.com slash Netflix. That's a great place to go. And just some sign up, get on the newsletter. Of course, social media, Instagram, and the show, How to Get Rich, which also features my book. And so you just start clicking around. You'll see it. Okay. Well, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me again. It was so fun. Our first guest in our studio. We did it. And you guys can find us at Girls GotEat.com tour tickets, all the things follow.

Girls Got Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is reina.org. And our other company, vibes only.com, vibes only in Instagram. And subscribe. tell a friend, share this episode. Get Rich. We'll see next week. Have a good week, guys.