Girls Gotta Eat - How to Meet Men in the Wild

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

We got a ton of requests for an episode like this, so we couldn't deny all the ladies who want to stop swiping and meet date-worthy guys IRL. We discuss conquering your fears, places to go, things to do, what to say, and even how to follow up. And because it's the (unofficial) start of summer, we share summer romance stories (which turn into walk of shame stories), and reveal our goals for Summer 2018. Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Like you're like in a full gilly suit. You're just like blending in with the trees. That's how I get them. I spotted one. I snipe them out. Spotted. A single male. Welcome back to Girls Got to Eat Podcast.

Happy summer. Happy Memorial Day guys. Hold on. Actual summer though is like June 20th, right? It's actually like pretty far into June. That's right. My birthday is June 17th and I don't think summer is ever. Summer's like right around there.

It's like whatever. Memorial Day is like unofficial start. I'm happy I get to wear white pants now. Oh, yeah, because you follow the rules. I do. I do. I have a whole white wardrobe ready to come out today. Oh, I'm psyched.

Actually, stuff I bought in Atlanta. Oh. Yeah, I'm really excited. You spent a lot of money in Atlanta. I literally went in to buy one bracelet. You tore the shopping scene to shred. Literally, this tiny little trinket and $873 later, white wardrobe. No, you were texting me.

I was like, ready to go to the airport. Get to the airport. You can't spend my apartment. My best friend was like, I literally have never spent that much money on anything ever in my life. Well, you guys, we are so excited to be back here at Mouth Media, powered by Senheiser. And, yeah, it's pretty much summer in my book. Memorial Day. And you know what you can do to celebrate the Hapden?

Summer for us, guys, is subscribe to this podcast. Oh, like that. I like this. You're welcome. Always with the segues. Leave a review and a rating. That is how you can pay us back for all of this amazing content we create for you guys. We really, really appreciate it to please do that.

Great review. Keep us at the top of the chart. We want to live there forever. I thought that we would, since it's not really, whatever, it's summer. So we wanted to talk about summer romance. Do you have a summer romance story? You want to tell me? I had one in mind that I'll share.

My best favorite, most quintessential summer romance was like a full-blown, like, summer, like, you know, two and a half, three months. Start to finish. And it ended like labor day. Exactly. This is when I lived in Dewey Beach. I lived there every summer between college, like years in college. And there was this guy. I'd met him before. I actually knew him at high school. He dated a friend of mine in high school, but he went to a rival high school. He didn't go to my high school. So I run into him one night on the street in Dewee Beach, early summer. Like first, you know, I just moved into my beach house. So like first, second week of summer. AKA Do Me Beach. A.K. Do Me Beach. Or maybe it was more like mid-June. And we're like, oh, you. It's on. It was just like we'd known each other for so many years. We never got together. He always had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend,

whatever it was. So it was on. We went back to his place, his beach house. I don't think we had sex, but I think he, I just think he went down on me and I was like, okay, good night. The Ashley has a time special. Eat my box and go home. And can we get pizza?

Okay. And the next morning I had to walk back to my beach house. We're talking like, I don't know, four or five New York City blocks. Like not far. So not a thing where you need to drive me or whatever. But I didn't want to put on my outfit from the night before. So I put on, I remember the outfit exactly.

It was a pair of plaid boxers. It was a big orange Ralph Lauren Polo T-shirt. And then I put on my wedges with it. So I walk home. How old were you? That was a summer 19, 1, 20. Okay, your body at that age is so crazy. You literally could put on, like, a dirt bag and, like, smear some, like, actual feces on your face.

And, like, put some, like, little, like, pumps on. Your 19-year-old body. So I'm like, I got to get home. You know, I woke up. I was like, oh, I got to get home. And I walk up to my beach house and there is my parents getting out of their car because they were coming for Father's Day brunch. I stroll up, walk a shame. And I will tell you, Raina, a little known fact about me, that is one of three times my father has caught me walk a shame.

I wouldn't have to this. I'll tell you the other two stories. There are three epic stories of my dad busting me walk a shame. walk up, hey, happy Father's Day, here I am in this dude's clothes. Like, let me change really quick. Anyway, we had a great summer romance. It was my first orgasm. Oh, my God.

Ever? Ever, yeah. I mean, you know how that's like you didn't give yourself orgasms. Do you mean? No. And I think that's kind of normal. I mean, a lot of, I mean, you know, 19 years old. I just, yeah.

I feel like you were, like, abused as a child. Like, you didn't start, like, masturbating when you were. When you were like 14? But I don't think I had like an actual like orgasm. Like know what it felt like. But how did you know when the masturbating was done? I was going to share a summer romance story,

but since we are talking about walks of shame, I'm going to take a hard left to tell you a walk of shame story. My worst walk of shame. I've had several. Most of them coincide with Halloween. This was, did not coincide with Halloween, but there were costumes involved.

I was 18 years old. I went to a frat party at Sigma Nu at Indiana University. It is like the meathead. Is it? Oh my God. It was like the country boys at Clemson. This was like a fuck boy factory.

Those were our pikes. I know exactly what kind of guys. One was like hotter and like just more terrible than the next. So I want to put this dude. All the rape allegations. Definitely came out of this. So there was this party called voodoo there. And I don't know what that had to do with anything.

Basically all the couples made their own clothing out of swatches of leopard fabric. Okay. So my outfit. For this party was, like, knotted up pieces of leopard fabric that I used to, like, lightly cover my butt crack and my nipples and my other, like, little bits. And high heels. And I go to this party and... I just picture, like, the sluggiest thing I can think of.

I, my body was so rocking. And this was like, you could have, like, sneezed and the whole apple to come off with me. I, like, stay at the paternity in a room with four guys, like, all four of them shared a bedroom. I wake up in the morning, and clothes came off, whatever. I wake up in the morning and I remember it's Parents Weekended at IU. Oh. I had to walk a guy out in front of parents, but I digress. I am meeting my-

Parents Weekend walk-of-shame is next level. I am meeting my mom and my brother in front of my dorm in one hour. I have to somehow find the swatches of leopard fabric in this guy's room with three other guys there and three other girls there also. I am tying together pieces of leopard fabric to cover my nipples. And then I put on my stilettos, I have to make it across the campus of one of the largest campuses in the United States. It is a Big Ten school of like 50,000 kids. And we know you don't exercise.

What is exercising? Like walking across the campus and heels. Is that the most exercise you've done in my whole life? Like since then. That was the marathon you did. It's my equivalent of climbing Kilimanjaro. is in like a Joanne Fabrics outfit to meet my in front of my dormitory at like 9 a.m. on a Sunday. And that ladies and gentlemen is exactly how classy I am.

And did they, I mean, did they bust you? Yeah, my mom was there waiting for me. Oh, and you just walked in. What's up? Yeah, like nothing, like nothing was going on. Like I was wearing like a sweatsuit. Like if you don't acknowledge it, what are they going to say? Right, right.

What are they going to do? Okay, I'm glad you took that hard turn. Yeah. I wanted to go into one more thing. What? Do you have any goals for the summer? Oh, yeah. Summer goals.

My summer goals is to find more... Sexual or not. Find more friends that have houses in the Hamptons that I don't have to pay for. I want to get so skinny that other people do an intervention with me for my birthday as a gift because they are so concerned with how thin I look. Scary skinny. That will be my rapper name. No, DJ name.

DJ scary. skinny. I want to have the most famous podcast in the world by the end of the summer. Honestly, we're like 13 episodes in and we're the number five comedy podcast in the United States right now. Yes, we are. Yeah, those are my summer goals. What are your summer goals? Okay, summer goals. Ashley, like, wrote these down last night. Obviously, to get really tan. Not on my face. You got to wear your SPF. Yeah. But when these legs are tan, I am unstoppable.

Look out America. Like in a short skirt. I mean, like, it's the most confident I ever am when I just have like these long asses. tan legs out. Going some trips. I want to do a big trip in August with my friend Merrill. We haven't decided yet. We're thinking like Greece, Croatia, maybe even Japan. I know that's all over the map, literally. Taking a trip without me.

And I want to go on a trip with you. I hope we get to go on a trip. There was talks of us going to Napa for something. So I want me and you to take a summer trip. And number one, last but not least, is I need to meet my fiancé. Because I'm supposed to get engaged this year and I'm a little behind schedule. You're not behind schedule. You know, Charlotte met trip.

And they were engaged within like a few dates and everybody knows what happens at HBO happens in real life. Okay. So, all right. I'm trying to meet my fiancé by Labor Day. I think that's a good goal. So we can get engaged around the holidays. Every guy is like, you're such a crazy bitch. Okay.

I think these are good goals. But the number one goal is meeting men. Is that your number one goal? No. I'm not going to front. It's the number one thing people ask us about, right? You guys send in so many amazing emails, ask for advice. The number one email that we get is, could you please do an episode about how to meet men in the wild?

In the wild is our term. It's one of my favorite things to say. And by that we mean. In the jungle. In the fucking horrible jungle that is dating in New York City. But really, I do think that we can provide some real advice. I thought about this a lot. And especially, you know, our theme is like summer.

I do think it's a little easier to meet men with summer activities. So I wanted to talk about how to meet men. And I think something that we were talking about offline before we started the show today was, you know, anybody can tell women to go to sports bars and to go to happy hours and to join singles. Join the singles group. Like, that's not what I want to talk about today because anybody can tell you that bullshit advice. I want to talk about like if you're not about online dating, if that's not what you want to do, like, how the fuck do I mean about? Right. And I mean, just to clarify, when we were talking about this in the wild, we just mean not in the apps.

Not in the apps. Right. And I think, just to start off, one of the number one barriers that probably stops people from going out and meeting men in the wild versus online. You have to say it like that every time. In the wild. I just imagine myself in like a track suit with a rifle and I'm just like, I'm like, cream down.

I'm like creeping through the woods. No, I'm a crocodile dundee and I have an Australian accent. I'm like, next up, you're like in a full gilly suit. You're just like blending it with the trees. That's how I get him. I spotted one. I snipe them out.

Spotted. A single male. Radha. Blood of hair. Pullet of hair. With a job. Put the camo on my face. Sneak up behind him and just like,

oops. Anyways, I think the one of the number one bear is It's probably just that people are genuinely like they're scared and they're afraid and they're shy. Fear. It's like literally what holds us back from anything is just fear and fear of rejection, ultimately. Yeah. I mean, you and I are pretty confident people, but like I don't like being rejected. No, I hate that feeling.

No, no, it sucks. And so my thing is sit yourself down, whatever that means, sit yourself down and ask yourself like what your biggest fear is when it comes to like approaching a strange man in a public place. Like what would yours be? Like what's worst case scenario for you? Me? Yeah. I mean, I live in New York City.

I live in a major city and every girl in New York is incredibly beautiful and dynamic. And I don't want somebody to turn around and look at me and be like, ugh. Right. Like to them just literally making you feel ugly or like, oh, why would you even approach me? Like I'm a 10 and you're five on a good day. Right. Which you're not. I think the truth is like that stuff sucks for one second.

but like your interaction with a stranger for five seconds does not define you in any way. Yeah. And I think that it is totally fine. It should be like, okay, what is the worst thing that is going to happen here if I go up and talk to this person? Like think of the worst case scenario, which ultimately probably won't even happen. And we're going to get to this. Guys aren't the ones out here talking about, oh, it's so creepy. That's a girl thing.

Like, girls are the ones that are like, oh, my God, this guy approached me in a bar. I want to fucking creep. And I try not to be like that. But girls started that whole movement. Guys are just flattered. So rarely are. are guys like, ew, get away from me. That doesn't happen.

It just doesn't happen. And like, the worst thing that can happen is they nicely politely say, like, I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend, which is my biggest fear. I just, I never want to like hit on a guy and then his girlfriend, God forbid, pops up. Or he's just like, I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend. It just is this, it just, I feel like cringy and embarrassed. But also, who cares? Right.

That's actually, honestly, that is the best case scenario if you're going to be rejecting because it's not personal. It's not personal at all. I would actually wish somebody would say that to me. Right. And then you just say cheers and watch. walk away. Have a good night. It's easy. I have this theory, you know, women are attracted to men that are charismatic and funny and smart and interesting and tall and good, all these things. Men are

attracted to women. That's it. There is no laundry list. With a vagina. There's no laundry list. Like men don't have these giant like to do lists with women. Like men are excited that you are talking to them. I think most men. And that doesn't, yes, of course, men are just as dynamic as women. I'm sure for a long-term relationship, there's obviously things they're looking for. But, like, walking up to a stranger at a bar, people are just happy that you're bullshitting with them. And, you know, and again, I think this is, like, assess what your biggest fear is, and remind yourself that the worst-case scenario is probably not going to happen.

And we women are way better at picking up on social cues. Like, you're going to feel a vibe if a guy doesn't really want to talk to you. And then you just are like, well, have a good night. And, like, walk away. Nice to meet you. I'm going to go back to my friends. Like, whatever it is and just, like, walk away with self-respect. Guys are more of the sex to be, like, continually harass you until you have to be like, hey,

we're just trying to have a girl's not here. But, like, you can approach a guy. If you're, you can approach a guy with your girlfriend by yourself, with your group of girlfriends, approach a group of guys. And, like, you can tell if they want to talk to you or not. Right. You know, I think it's pretty obvious. You also don't have to be, like, super thirsty about it.

Like, you don't have to be so out there being like, need me, want me, fuck me. Like, you're a human. Just act like a human. And I will say this. I hadn't really planned to say this, but I'm just going to throw it in while we're talking about it. I approached a group of guys in Nashville, and we're going to talk about how you have more balls when you're on vacation anyway. But I approached a group of guys in Nashville.

I just walked up to them with one of my girlfriends and was like, hey, what's up? Five guys, I think. Most of them, attractive. Four of them were married or had girlfriends. And they were still just, like, cool with talking to us. Like, we weren't like, hey, can we suck your dick? You know, like, they were just like, one guy was single and we were kind of feeling that out. My girlfriend and I were both single.

And the other guys were just, they were just cool. Like, they weren't like, oh my God, get away. We're taken. Like, guys just are cool. They're just cool like that. Well, nobody, men or women want a person that is super thirsty and like clearly gunning for them. Like, just be a normal person.

Yeah, just like, say what's up. Right. Something that I thought was interesting, I read this in a book and this author, Augustine Burroughs that I really like was talking about how so many people always say like, I can't meet somebody. And it's like, well, you ask them some questions and dig a little deeper about like, what are you doing to meet people? Most people will tell you I go out the same exact group of friends, the same bars every single day.

And expect like a movie rom-com scenario to happen. Right. And you're like at some like cute bar sipping your martini and like this hot guy, tall dark and handsome guy in a suit comes up. Sorry. Probably not going to happen. Which is normal and natural. I've worked for big companies that works for Groupon and Amazon where I had big groups of people to go out with after work every day and you go to the bars by your office. That's what you do every day.

You're in your insular little group with the people. Nobody's going to break into that group and try to talk to you. And you're at the same bars every day. And so Ashley and I were sort of talking about like what are some actual really cool, good, fun, creative ways to meet people that aren't like, let's go to a bar after work with a bunch of friends. And if you don't change the behavior, then you can't ever expect anything to change. Right. So one of the things we're talking about is really working into your life saying yes. Just start to say yes.

Like after I got out of like a long-term relationship, I really tried to push myself to do this. And so like every time a friend would ask me to like come to a party where I didn't know people. and that's not something that I'm super comfortable doing usually. But if you can go meeting people that you don't know with another friend and it's outside of your comfort zone, I think that that is an important thing to do. Just say to yourself, I'm going to agree to plans more often. You're never going to be anybody sitting on the couch at home by yourself.

Yeah, exactly. And that's, I don't know the statistics on this. I mean, but I know that ideally you'd like to, most people like to meet someone that they have a mutual friend. Like they can kind of vouch for them. And so many people meet at a mutual friend's party or through mutual friends. So those opportunities are the best.

You already have the in. You already have the conversation started. Like, how do you know so-and-so? Or those conversation topics are already right there for you. So any sort of thing that, like, a friend has. And if it's a good friend, feel free to ask. Like, are there going to be single people there? Is this just like a big couples get together?

Then maybe you don't want to go to that. I don't know. Right. But if it's just like a friend's having some rooftop party or friends doing this or that, just go. And on top of that, I think, really tap into your guy friends, if you have close guy friends that you feel comfortable, being honest with them about trying to date somebody. I have a good guy friend and he's always hanging out with a bunch of guys and he knows

that I'm single and he's always been like, Ashley, come hang. I went and met up with him and his guy friends once and they were, there was like six or seven of them. And just me. And I was like, this is awesome. You know, and like I called a girlfriend. She came and hung out and like, you know, I met a guy. We went on a date. I mean, it was just kind of like those opportunities are really great to like where are the guys. Find out where the guys actually are. And like, see what your guy friends are doing. Where are you guys going tonight? Grab a girlfriend. Go meet up with them. You already have the inn. These aren't strangers. Right. And it's sort of like we were talking about like when you or like when you approach a stranger at a bar versus something. I put it in like sales terms almost.

I worked in sales for a long time. It's like a cold call versus a warm call. When you like cold call somebody, it's always awkward. But a warm call to me is like, okay, you go meet your guy friends at a bar. And like they already know people. And so it's a casual, comfortable way to meet people. You don't have to like put yourself out there so much. Right. It's like, yeah, we know the same people. Like, it's like why so many people meet at weddings and end up dating. Totally. You know, because you're already in a situation where it's like this comfortable casual thing. And I love that you brought up like date friends of friends. Like what, for a number of reasons. First of all, I think that people just are always on their best

behavior when they know that they are accountable to somebody else. Exactly. I love the idea of dating your friends' coworkers. So like maybe you don't want to go to your, you're a happy hour with your co-workers after work, but like, ask a friend. Like, where do you go after work with your co-workers? And I dated my, like, one of my best friends in the world. I dated a guy that she works with for a little bit. And, like, it's so normal to me. Like, of course, she's friendly with somebody, and I think that she has amazing taste in people.

And so obviously somebody she's friendly with I'm going to like. And I think it made us, like, better accountable to each other because we both knew her. And he turned out to be great. He was funny and fun. We went out a bunch of times. I mean, he didn't ultimately work out. We're not together, obviously. but like I've nothing bad to say about this person.

And it was a very comfortable way to meet somebody. Right. And I mean, I think that don't just assume that all your friends think that you're trying to find somebody. Let people know that you're single and available, you know? And that your friends aren't naturally, especially your friends is having to know. They're not, their wheels aren't constantly turning of like, who can I hook up Ashley and Raina with?

Like put it out there and they might be like, oh my God, I have the perfect person for you. It works. It's a good point. I didn't think about that. Like, people don't necessarily, like, I don't think my friends would be like, you know, you should date. Because, like, some people would be insulted by that. Like, I don't know what gave you the impression that I was unhappy and need your help setting me up. It's like just a fun.

It's like, just throw it out there. Okay, so let's take it outside of the realm bars. And I have like a bunch of ideas that we talked about, like, other places you can meet people that I think that like maybe you wouldn't think about. Okay. But also really quickly on bars, I do want to say this. Talk more about bars. A guy friend of mine. I can never get enough to talk about bars.

Yeah. Anything alcohol related. we are here for it. Think about where guys actually hang out. And this is, my best guy friend, he is very successful. He makes a lot of money. He does not go to a little craft cocktail bars the girls want to go to. He lives a dive bar. So like go places where you might be the minority of girls. Think about where guys actually are and then go there with not a pack, one girlfriend, preferably, and be the hot chicks in the bar in this dive bar where these guys are. Like that's, Girls are like, ew, dive bars.

You see some hot fucking guys. I love dive bars. In like a suit and dive bars. I love dive bars. Yes. And not just... Figure out where you can be the minority. That's the bottom line.

Let's take it in the exact opposite direction. I love when two women will go sit at a steakhouse and have dinner. Let's get into it. And like, you can't be alone. You cannot be alone in a steakhouse. That means your prostitution. No, Rana said to go sit in the steak out and I was like, wait, blah, I'm going to agree to disagree. You do not want to go to a steakhouse by yourself, looking sexy, sit with a martini.

you look like a fucking hooker. But then you're a hooker. You go with one other friend. What is sexier than like you two can afford your own meal? You're sitting at the bar. Who is at Steakhouse's men with business accounts? I'm trying to hook me a black card, baby. Yeah, see who buys you those drinks and then inspect the credit card.

It's like a red debit card. You're like, nope. Ew. Red Bank of America. Ew, a debit card. Don't be on a play. Oh, my God. My ex needs to make.

I totally. forgot about this. My ex, we went out and he paid with like an Amex gold card and I was like 23 so I was like very impressed by this. And he was like, I fucking knew it. I specifically pulled that card out because I knew that you were just like a greedy little bitch. I hate that I judge that. Like I have a MX gold. It should be flat. I'm on it.

But like, don't be out here taking girls out with your debit card. I'm sorry. Take cash out before. Don't you pull out that Bank of America Visa debit card. I'm gonna leave your boss on blue. Leave that card on red, leave those balls on blue. Okay, we've digressed. Oh, man.

Okay, go to the steakhouse. Okay, great, hit me with your other spots. I'm so excited to hear them. Well, I have some funny ones for you later, but these are, like, actual ones. Obviously, not everybody works themselves, but if you are in, like, a more of a creative field or a startup field, I work in hotels all over New York all the time. Any major city is going to have these, like, giant hotel workspaces. In New York, I love the freehand hotel.

It's fantastic. the Eventi Hotel, the Arlo hotels. And a lot of these hotels in New York and today, I mean, I can only speak to New York because I live here, but so many hotels today in New York have gigantic workspaces that are completely free to use throughout the day. And I love to take a computer and go there, and I never don't meet people.

And even if it's just, look, not every day you have to be on the proud to meet somebody. But, like, I always just meet an interesting person, whether it's to date or not. But it's great to take your computer and go work somewhere. Yeah. And not just aside from hotels, like just workspace, workplaces. Like, I mean, if there's, I don't know they haven't been every city.

I mean, whenever we work and all those type of places, like, people want to break from work. I mean, don't go yank somebody's headphones out of their ear. But, you know, people like want to break and they want to chat. I don't know. I mean, if you feel comfortable, ask for a charger. Asking for a charger is the new asking for a light for a cigarette. It's like the new tech way to do it. Do you have a charger?

You can only pull that if you're hot because they're like, you're not using my charger. You're seven. Excuse me, I'm saving my charger for the eighth kidding next to you. I don't want to keep my charger in case someone hotter comes along. Oh my God. But yeah, I think those kind of spaces, I mean, are great. And there's always just like, I don't know,

there's a space here in New York. It's like a really cool free workspace. It's under the Lulu Lemon and Flatiron. And every time somebody walks in there, like, I've had guys walk in there and I'm in there and they're like, this is really just like free awesome workspace. And I'm like, yeah. And then we kind of get to chatting. It's happened a few times.

There's tons of them in New York. Yeah. So spaces like that, like there's this, you're both there. There's stuff to comment on. Like, that's a thing too. Like, I think we should probably discuss, like, what's the opener? Like, that's, I mean, you can go there, but then what do you do? So it's what I, somebody said something to me like this the other day, and I thought

it was a really important point. And he said, it's really a lot about your body language. And, like, are you physically open to, like, talking to somebody? Are you making eye contact with people? Are your arms crossed? Do your headphones in or your sunglasses on? Yeah, that's usually me when I'm working. my headphones are you're in and like my head's down but like if you're really trying to like talk to

people like you need to be physically like arms are not crossed you are facing the room open and I think there is this is going to sound so cliche but there's like nothing more important than a smile or just like a look on your face that looks like you're a happy friendly person I mean we we kind of joke we have girls have so many jokes about resting bitch face and all that kind of stuff and listen there's times when I'm like I don't care if the hottest guy comes along I don't want to speak to anybody I like don't when you're on the subway, when I have my headphones in, like, I'm like, I purposely look unapproachable. But I think when you are really out there and you're in the mood to meet people, look friendly. And this one time this guy told me, I met this guy in Charleston.

Oh, God, I met so many guys in Charleston. I love Charleston so much. They're like friendly animals in the wild. And they're so hot. Yeah. And so this guy told me, and he did, he did a study and he said, who a bunch of people are at a bar all lined up waiting for a drink, who's like the person that's going to, the bartender is going to notice the most. And it's the person that seems like they're contributing to the energy in the room. And that means if you're kind of like smiling, feeling the music, like not looking like super annoyed with your credit card up, like that person that's just like, seems like they're having a good time and they're light and carefree and they're friendly and they have a smile on their face and maybe they're like mouthing the words to Drake,

nice for what? I don't know. But like someone that is in the in the vibe and like just smiling. And I think no one's ever going to call you a creep for smiling at them. No one is on this planet has ever been like, oh my God, can you believe that stranger smiled at me? Like, look at a guy across the bar and shoot him a smile. That's his invite. Like, that's the open invite. Like, all guys need is the tiniest thing. Like, they just don't want to approach you and be a creep.

But you shoot him that smile or you say hello or you give him a nod or you say, hey, how are you? Like, that's the opener. Yeah. I think it's just, it's all about like being physical and open. Yes. But toss the resting bitch face. So many girls have that and you go out with a ton of other girlfriends and you're

sitting in the corner of a bar. Nobody's going to approach you. And that's fine. That's normal. Yeah. But I think because it's, we always talk a lot about, like, being available and, like, you know, just, like, be out there and have activities and things to do. And I think this also applies to meeting people, like, especially in the summertime,

like, there are endless possibilities for meeting people at baseball games. There's a million boats you can go out on in New York City. There is so many fun places where you can, like, play Cornell outside or barbecue restaurants. Like, go out, be a social person. Be a part of, like, experience. the world and you will meet people. And I, and I do think, I mean, there's nothing I love more than going out with like a girl group, you know, your group of four or five girls. But I mean, I noticed this every single time I go out with like, just you or just my friend Merrill or whatever it is.

Like, if it's just two of us and then there's a group of guys that are outnumbering us, like there's four or five, they almost always talk to us. Like we went to this really cool place in Brooklyn that was, you know, games, cornhole, city outside. We sat down just the two of us, the four guys next to us just like immediately struck up a conversation. Because they have the strength in numbers. And then they're kind of like, yeah, let's talk to those two cute chicks, you know. Yeah, and there's certain places you pick. Like, obviously, if the two of you wanted to be alone, you'd be at a restaurant and not sitting in a bar.

It'd be different. With rusty bitch face on. Something else we talked about earlier that I think is like, yes, it's very important to have single girlfriends and I have so many and I'm so thankful for them. But your girlfriends that have been in like long-term relationships can also be really fun to go out with these situations. Strong-wing women right there. Yeah. Like, they're the ones that they're not competing with you. They want you to find somebody.

Like they're just like your strongest allies that girl that's like doesn't give a fuck of her husband's at home waiting for her long-term boyfriend. I went out of the girl last night, my friend Alana and she has been in a healthy, committed relationship for three years. Her boyfriend was blown her up all night long

and she was like, no, get to this when I get to it. You know, she's not out here trying to like compete with me. She's happy to be there and be present with me. And like, I wasn't on the prowl to meet men. It was just, you know, it naturally does happen. But you're right. Like when there's only two of you, and I think you're with somebody who like,

is also single or in a long-term relationship. Like, either of those things can be very advantageous to you. Advantage? Oh, you nailed it, girl. I've met guys when I've been out with my mom. Oh, for real? My mom will be like, hi. My mom will, like, text me and be like, I met this woman.

She has a son. He's very successful. My mom doesn't sound like that at all. No, I like, keep away with the like stereotypical Jewish mom. She's like, he's very successful, Raina. He's on CNBC. He has a, he has a show. He talks about finance.

Harvard, Rayna. Harvard. I'm like. Okay, I look up, she's like, Raina, he's so rich. He's so, he's very excited. He's coming to New York next week. I gave him your number. I'm like, what?

She's like, he's 5'2, no hair. Rich as fuck. This guy had no hair. I was so rich. And I was just like, mom, and she was like, I mean, you know, if you don't want to date him, I will. If you don't want to fuck him, I will. Mom, what?

She loves to, like, give my number out to people. Oh, my God. Also, I think, just a quick aside, the guy that I've talked about, the 24-year-old that I've talked about on this podcast and other guys that I've fully dated, just get a little drunk and walk up to him. I mean, that's a little bit of courage. Act like you're on vacation. Like, practice on vacation. Like, when you're on vacation, your inhibitions are down. Like, I've always said so many times, I'm like, if only I could just act like I do when I'm on vacation, you know, no one knows you and you don't feel like embarrassed. You're like in a different place. Like, when I was in Nashville,

I just, like, treated the bars like my own personal bumble and like swipe left, swipe left, right. Hey, what's up? I'm Ashley. Here's my friend. Like, it just. You're, you're in. You're in. You're You're just out. Yes, and just channel that when you're in your home city. And like, do not get sloppy drunk and approach a guy. But, like, get those few drinks in you and just be like, what's up? Like, just, I mean, that, it, I literally walked up to the 24 old and his hot friend. I know.

You guys trying to hang out? And they were like, yeah. Right. Just try it. Yeah. I'm going to suggest something that you can do without alcohol. You're ready for it? I don't know.

You don't have to do it without alcohol, but, like, you could do it. with that alcohol, but like you could do it without alcohol. It's summertime. I dare you to put on a bikini and go sit in an outdoor space somewhere at like a park and try not to get hit on. I dare you to bring those breasts out, okay? You know what you do? I feel personally attacked because I have small breasts.

I have some double ds. I'll get my legs out. I want new boobs though. If anybody out there is a surgeon wants to get me new boobs, I'm ready for new boobs. Anyway. Plug it. Plug it. See what comes back.

So I really, you know what you do? You take a bottle of sunscreen, you put it right next to you on the blanket, you take your shirt off, you lay out. I dare a man to not come ask you if you have a little bit of sunscreen they can borrow. You are, girl, you are so right on the sunscreen. And like, I mean, a lot of people, we have a lot of listeners for Oliver. They might actually be on the beach. So if you're on the beach or, I mean, New York, any, people are getting sun in any green space.

Like, people are fully like laid out in the middle of Tompkins Square Park in the middle of the day. I do it all time. The sunscreen is so, so. major. Well, I met a guy last year this way. I was laying out and I'm like looking up the hill and I eye this guy and he was like very cute and I was kind of like making eyes with him a little bit. And I looked so bad. Let me just tell you how bad I looked. I still had my makeup on from the night before. I am dripping in sweat. I have so much oil on my body. I could literally slide down the hill. Just to cap that off, my retainer was in my mouth.

I don't even know. But my tits were out. Yeah. And this guy and I are like eyeing each other and he walks over and he asks me to borrow some sunscreen. And we we start, you know, chit-chatting. I'm like laying there with no clothing on. Because then they kind of have to hang out while they apply it. Right.

You know what I mean? Like it's kind of the perfect thing. Perfect. Everybody's like running out to buy sunscreen right now. You're welcome banana boat. And then this guy like, I mean, he struck up a conversation. He sat down next to me and we actually like sat there for an hour and just chit-chat. It was the perfect, like, first day.

I'm basically naked. He gets to see how good I look and can't touch me. Right. It's perfect. It was amazing. You're all lubed up. He's like, can I massage this on you for a little bit? It's like slips a finger in or something.

No, she's like. I have weird fantasies about things. What's the weirdest place you ever met a guy? DUI school? Okay, guys, we were to talk about shared interest groups. So if you like to get DUIs, you can meet a guy. I mean, there's no other answer than that. I've met guys at all different kinds of places.

That is the number one. It's sure. Because at DUI school, you're there for like three days, like most of the day. So we sat next to each other and we just like would make funny remarks. And that's something that you and I, well, I'll get to that in a second. But yeah, it's like there's so much to talk shit on. It's dumbest thing ever. You have to like.

They make you wear the goggles. The drunk goggles. I think you do, yeah. You like have to put on those. I mean, some do you ever do I school is different. Right. You know, you're learning all this stupid stuff. It's just common knowledge.

You have to take a test at the end of the, at the end of the thing. So we just like, and then you get lunch breaks and things like that. So we were hanging out. We were just like the two people that gravitated towards each other, people of all ages than they are older people. So we were like the two people in our 20s. And we ended up dating for like a few months after that. He didn't have a license.

I always had to drive. Holy shit. I know how to pick him. Wow. But yeah. Whatever, okay. Share interest groups. Time and place in your life.

What are some other shared-incorge groups in case you don't want to get a DUI? Ashley mentioned something I'd never heard of before. You guys ever heard of this crazy thing? It's called a running club. Raina's like, that's a foreign concept. I don't exercise. But listen, we refuse to tell you guys to join any sort of group

that has the word singles in the name of it. There's nothing wrong with it, but that's not where we're here. Exactly. So I think there are things running clubs. I mean, if you're in a ski club, that part, you're in that part of the country, cycling. I literally don't know anybody that's part of a run club or a ski club that hasn't banged at least one person in the club. Because those things, things like that are so great because there's this fitness, endorphins component. But then you usually just go eat or drink afterwards.

So it all kind of like goes together. And I think networking events are great because literally networking is meeting. people and I think going alone is good. You did that. I was really proud of you. Yeah. Well, you just weren't in town. Mouth media are where we record the studio.

They do these really cool live podcasts and really cool events and these great spaces. And I went to one and I, I mean, I guess I could have found somebody to go with me. But I just went alone. I was like, I want to be new people. And I met so many people. And a curated group of people that are also incredibly dynamic and interesting. Yeah. Everybody in that room was like good looking.

and smart. I met Dale, who we have coming up soon on the podcast. Who is Moe Calli Antis. Yes. He's very attractive, cool, successful dude. So you walk into a place by yourself and you get the, I don't know, very few people, I'm super outgoing. I'm not shy at all. And even I get a little anxiety. And then, you know, I met some girls that were there by themselves. And you just, you meet people. It's literally networking. And like anything that has that in the name, no one is, you just approach, you just approach people. I think some people don't know how to get into those events and like I would say thrillist and time out are like great platforms to learn about those things but like Google women's interest groups or like business networking groups I guarantee you a billion list pop-up

you just gotta get on the email list and you'll get emails for stuff like this and like these are curated groups of people that are all really exciting and interesting and dynamic and then if you do if you are part of any sort of we work or they have these they have these at a place called I think it's called Springplace that they have events like all the time. So you're in conjunction with any of those type of things, like those work spaces,

they host events there. Those are the best ones. And then you kind of have this shared connection where, oh, do you work here? And then if you have any friends, like, I have a good friend. She's a member of the Soho House. I go with her all the time. There's always people hanging out there. And so it's happening to those people too. I mean, I say go by yourself, but if you're not a member of those things, find a friend who is. You'll know somebody, right? And go and just split up and the room. I mean, it's really like that is a number one thing where like no one will think it's weird that you literally just approach them. That's the entire point of those events. Totally. Totally smart. And I can't leave this out. This is my most important one of the day is dog parks and

walking dogs and anything to do with a dog. I have a dog. I cannot tell you how many people I've met literally just walking around the block. You talk to every other dog owner. Like it's part of the whole thing. That's why men buy dogs, right? You literally just talk to everybody. I mean, I talked to probably five new people, 10 a day, just walk in one loop around the block when I have my dog. And obviously, he's really attractive. He gets stopped in the street a lot. But I've met so many people at the dog park. You just have these like conversations about your dogs and what kind of dog they are. How old are they? What's their name? Where do you go for a vet? Where do you go to other dog parks in the city? I've met great girlfriends there too. I've went to Nashville. I love to animal lovers too.

Yeah. And then you know they're an animal lover. And I met a guy when I was in Atlanta. I did literally meet a guy on the street in our neighborhood that had his dog and we dated. I was like, I'm living like a rom-com. Like we met, we were out for our nightly walk, his dog and my dog, and like he was super high. And I was like, oh, this is my future husband. Turns out he didn't have sex. But whatever, that's besides his point.

He was totally celibate. So that was cool. Wow. I'm whole shit. I know. I've met guys with my dog for sure. And if you don't have a dog, you can borrow one. I think everyone should have a dog, but that's just me.

I also think everyone should live in New York. That's totally unrealistic. But you can do Wag or Rover. And if you really like dogs, adopt a dog for a week. You can literally just be a dog shelter or just bar your friend's dog. That, I will say, is one of the number one ways where, like, the conversation opener is, like, literally right there. There are these two animals.

And, like, I talk to almost everybody I pass on the street that has a fellow dog. And then at the dog park, there's just a bunch of people there. I mean, you go to dog park before work or after work. I mean, so many people and conversation starters abound. Any shared interest. I think we've really covered this. Any shared interest, whether it's like a meetup group or like working out, like, find an opening where you can connect with people.

Just be a fucking human and talk to them. Yeah. Adopt, don't shop. Oh. But I do want to talk about, I just have like quickly like some feelings about like online dating versus meeting people in person. And there's nothing wrong with online dating. I know plenty of people that have met plenty of people.

I have an online date tomorrow. And he's cute. But I'm excited. about it. But I think that when I got out of a long-term relationship and I had gone on to the apps initially, I was really interested in how to do it. I read this article and the article asserted that

it's really interesting with some people with so many people write that they want in a partner on a profile and what they actually end up with. Meaning like, in your mind you can conceptualize all these things that you want about a person and what you think love should look like. But the people that people end up with

often look nothing like that, that concept. And, you know, I think a lot of times in online dating, we will, in our minds, you know, I want a man that is above 510. And you say no to every single person that's below 510, but like, you would never do that in a bar in person if somebody was 5'8 and hysterical. Yeah. Most girls are, I don't know a girl on this earth that says they want to go every 510. Every girl's like, I want to go every 6 feet. I want to go over 6 2. And it's like, good luck. There are not that many out there. I mean, it's just like, but you're absolutely right. And you've talked to this before. Like, you might swipe left

on somebody for like something so small, like a freckle on their face. You've said that before. And you just get so superficial on those apps. And I've said this before, like, it just might not look what you think it's going to look like. Like, there's guys I've dated that I probably would have swip left on them on an app for sure. And you too. And you too. And I think that the good thing about apps is that it allows you to sort of write a recipe for what you want about people. But like, there's several people that I've dated that, yeah, I like tall guys. I'm five feet tall, but I like tall guys. There's definitely people that I've swiped no on because they're, the neighborhood they lived in or maybe what they did for a living or whatever, all those things

that like if I was just, if I met somebody in person, they made me laugh. Like this guy that I'm talking about, that I dated, that was my friend's coworker, he's the funniest person I've ever met my entire life. He's so smart and so funny and nice. And I never, ever, ever would have swiped yes because he's like a little shorter. And like that is a very stupid reason to not end up with a person. Oh, totally. I mean, I've done the apps.

I'm going to, I'll say this. I've dated a lot of guys, and I've had some significant relationships as well, I've dated a lot of guys, have, and have gone on a lot of dates from apps, have never gone on a second day from a guy. I'm at an app. It's just not my perfect, I haven't. I haven't met anybody that I liked enough to ever go out on a second date. All the guys that I've had significant relationships with or even went on three, four dates

or dated for a month, two months, three months, six months, a year, two years, whatever, has always been in the wild. So, and not to show on the apps, I think they're a brilliant thing that, and there's such a luxury that we get to date like that these days. But like I really, it's, that's not my dream to me. It's somebody in an app. I mean, I'm down for it. Like I said, I have a date tomorrow from Hinge. But I just, you say sometimes it's just like physical chemistry. It's like chemical. Right. And I think that it's like pheromones. Like it's the way somebody smells and the way that they smile and the way that they move that it becomes like so sexy. And there's people that I've dated that aren't

traditionally, I mean, everybody I've dated, I would say is pretty good looking. But like I might not have picked them out on a dating app. But because I thought they were interesting and smart and funny, I found them incredibly good looking. Right. And I never would have said yes on, like, I'm sort of, like, I'm five feet tall. I don't know that men are out there like dying to date a girl as five feet tall. I don't know that I would do great on apps either. It's never been my preferred method of meeting people.

I know. I don't think I translate that well on the apps because I don't know. I think I'm a personality girl. I'm not out of your claiming to be a 10. Like I think I have good pictures, but I'm like I would so much rather have someone meet me, then judge me based on a few pictures on an ad. I would swipe yes on you. Love you. But I

just think it's really interesting what people report that they want versus what they actually go after. And I have a girlfriend that started dating somebody who's a little shorter and lives in Hoboken. I've been pushing her to stop dating people on apps. And she was like, I literally never would have said yes to this person on and online because Hoboken is in New Jersey. And she's like,

I just, just no way. I would have ever said yes to this. And like, now they're fully dating. She met somebody in a bar that she walked up to. And I just think that you know, especially jobs too. Like, yes, in my perfect world, I guess I would date somebody who had like a really dynamic, interesting, exciting job. But like, I can meet somebody that was also a bartender.

It was the greatest person in the world. And like, I wouldn't give a shit what you did for a living. Absolutely. And I wanted to add this in too, because it's worked for me in the past, is, and these are specific cases. But if you meet somebody and you have some conversation, whether it be a networking event or you meet them out or through a friend or whatever it is and you guys don't get around to exchanging information that night, exchanging numbers, whatever, because sometimes that can

be a bold ass. Not every guy wants to be like, can I get your number? You can totally just, you can find them on social media. I mean, hopefully you had like a significant interaction, but I had this happen to me with my last serious relationship. We met at a comedy show that we were both on the show, both comedians, and didn't, nothing really sparked that night, but I thought he's really cute and funny. And so I friended him on Facebook and then he took it from there. I mean, he sent me a message. And so I think that if you have that kind of opportunity, Do not feel weird about doing the Instagram follow or the Facebook friend request or what at LinkedIn. I don't know.

But like I think that guys sometimes like they don't want to be, some guys don't give a fuck and they have zero shame. But some guys don't want to be like the creep to like send you the friend request or the Instagram follow. But like if you send it to them, they'll take it from there. I mean just like if you had something or if you had any like I like the thought of like you got you had some conversation with someone that you met in the wild. And there is a follow up where you're like. oh, you can think of something. Like, hey, you mentioned this bar, or you mentioned this cool boat,

or you mentioned this vet that you take your dog to, or you mentioned this, and I found you on social media because I had this, like, follow-up question. Like, I think that can work, too. And not every guy also knows that you're into them. And especially, I will say, they just have no idea. And it's funny because, like, that guy

we had on the show a couple weeks ago, I was asking, Ross, I was asking, like, do you get late all the time because of this book? And he was like, I really, like, don't know if girls are hitting on me. I'm just out here trying to, like, sell books. And, you know, I feel like, guys might actually be like that where they're like, I don't really know if somebody's hitting on me. Maybe she's just being nice and they don't want to be a creep.

Right. Which is good. So I shouldn't want to be creep. I hate when girls talk shit on guys for approaching them at a bar. Like, there's a, there's a difference. There's approaching a girl to bar and there's a, there's lingering while you're getting cues that you should leave. But like, I just like, I want to give guys props that have the balls to approach a girl or a group of girls at a bar and like introduce themselves. Right. And I think that you can also be comfortable just Let's be honest.

Some really fucking creepy guys also ruined this. Oh my God. I literally have to be like, hey, we're just having girls in here. Right. Step away. Right. But like a friendly guy that just, they want to come say, hey, like, good for them. I think that that is like, just saying like, hey, I'm just trying to get some work done.

I'm not looking for any company right now is like a totally fine thing to do. Yeah. I'm just not looking for a company. Like, don't feel bad. And if he doesn't leave you alone, fucking call the cops. And maybe they'll be a hot. Okay. So to wrap up, I'm actually glad you said that.

because I wrote down some other ways to meet men. Yes, guys, we are going to just, I didn't play in a game this week, but we're going to wrap it up with this. So I wrote Ashley a list of creative ways to meet men. Okay, I can't wait. This is actually really smart. Should you rate these one to ten? No, I wrote them down for you.

I'll email them to you. No, like, should I rate them? Sure, you can tell me how good of an idea you think this is. Okay. So I broke it down in specific different types of men. Okay. So maybe you want to meet a man who's like handy, you know? I would go to Home Depot.

I would pretend that I had a home improvement. project and then I would just like, you know, helplessly ask men for help. Absolutely genius. All guys want is to feel needed and important, which they're not. But if you are at Home Depot, ask anybody. Like, whatever. Play dumb. I don't know what the difference between any of these paint cans is.

And I actually, I genuinely don't. And you don't have to act like a damsel in distress, but like, hey, do you know, just say it, like casually and confidently. Like, do you know how I blah, blah, blah, I don't fucking know. But like, nailed it. Hardware stores are great. I actually don't know how to do a lot of stuff, and I, like, readed my whole apartment recently,

and so it was a great way for me to, like, meet the store clerks. 10. Next, solid 10. Okay. If you want to meet a guy who's, like, good with his hands, I would maybe slash my tires and call AAA. Oh, my God. We don't have cars, bitch.

Okay. These are the people that are not in New York. If you want to meet a doctor, I might just, like, lightly puncture a limb that's not that important. You didn't go to an emergency room. To be, like, cutting yourself. You can just be like, I have stomach pains or something. I'm just getting creative, okay?

We spent this whole time, like, giving good advice. We should have a knife sponsor for this. You need to puncture yourself. If you want to meet, like, the hero, I would maybe, like, rent a canoe and tip it over by accident. Oh, I love this. Yes. Go to Central Park in that cute place where people cano.

Go all by yourself and just almost drown yourself. I love it. Ten. And then my favorite, which came from my best friend, Melanie, If you're looking to meet a guy who's really good at finance and money and things like that, maybe max out four credit cards, put yourself in extreme financial debt, and then call financial advisor. Please don't do that, you guys. Please don't do that one.

Okay. I think we nailed it. You're welcome. I worked all day on this. So, you know, just creative ways to be met. Creative ways to be mad. I told one of my other girlfriends about this and she was like, every one of these just involves making yourself look like a piece of shit to meet a man. And I was like, well, you know,

I'm just out here trying to get creative. She is single. I knew it. Guys, we hope we helped. I think we, I hope we did. I think let's just recap really quickly. Assess what your fears are. Think about worst case scenario. Probably not going to happen. Get out there. Fuck it. Guys are not going to think you're creepy forever smiling, approaching them, any of that stuff. Smile, body language, mix the resting bitch face, try to look approachable, friendly. Start saying yes to stuff, get yourself out there, like meet friends and friends, go to activities, be active. That'll make you a happier person in general. You might just decide you don't really need to be with somebody.

But in the meantime, like do activities, make friends, meet people, I think is really, really important. And go where the guys are. They're everywhere. Just walk out your door. They're everywhere. I know, but like go where you might be the minority as a female and talk to your guy friends, let your friends know that you are looking for somebody and let them hook you up. Totally. And get a dog.

Move to New York. Take nudes. put them on your computer when you're in the coffee shop. We didn't go over that one, but that's what Raina does. I only did that once, and I didn't do it on purpose. Why are all my things like take your shirt off at the park? Why do you get all my things involved in my breasts? Sunscreen, alcohol, and dogs.

That's the answer to everything anyways. It's like, how do you live a healthy life? Sunscreen and dogs. And alcohol. I love alcohol. Stay hydrated, guys. Anyways, this is a really fun episode. You guys have been asking for this.

I'm super excited. We did this. So we're going to wrap up for the day. Please keep putting us in your Instagram stories. We love that. That is so cool. Yeah, so fun. We love reading your text exchanges about our podcast.

Oh, keep talking about us with your friends. And that's amazing. Please make sure to leave a rating and a review. You guys can follow us on Instagram. Is that it? Do we nail it? I think we nailed it. Are we done?

We're done. Get out there, girls. Yeah. Bye. Bye. Bye. Have a good week.