Girls Gotta Eat - How Weaponized Incompetence Ruins Relationships

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

We're breaking down weaponized incompetence, and how it hurts (mainly) women and ruins relationships. If you don't know what it is, you've probably experienced it in some way; and don't worry, we're defining it and discussing ways to spot it and stop it. We're sharing our stories and examples from our listeners, and recommending a life changing book for overwhelmed mothers (Fair Play by Eve Rodsky). Before diving into the topic, we're recapping the insane Bachelor finale, opening up about our buttholes, and reading a WILD Bumble exchange via Jenny Jones. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more! Thank you to our partners this week: Peloton: Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Babbel: Use code GGE to get 3 additional months when you purchase a 3 month subscription at babbel.com. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Living Proof: Go to livingproof.com/gge and use code GGE10 to get 10% off your first purchase. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This full grown ass man tried to tell me he did not have put a trash bag in the trash can. Are you? Guess what's trash? You. So, of girls got to eat. Welcome back, first day of spring. I can't believe I'm getting shit. Like, you haven't done 17 household chores to avoid starting this recording. I'm the backbone of the studio. Bella can back me up.

You vacuumed. You did the dishes. You swiffered. You did the dishes. Focused on four other projects. Literally, I'm the backbone of this home. No one does anything but me in here. No one's ever.

Bella, she did dishes once. They're all your dishes. You go to upstairs, you get a midday pasta, you bring it up. You literally left your trash sitting here. One time, one time, and you sent me a photo of the trash like you're my mom. You know my mom one time sent me a photo of the bed that I didn't make correctly, I didn't talk to for six months. You don't always take your trash out and I came up here to Peloton and I took a picture

of it and that goes along with our weaponized incompetence. He turned around on me. This is 11.30. I've been like, so you're ready to record? This thing I had another stuff to do. You've been going off about the merch company. Yeah, we hate them. Facebook advertising. It's been a mess. Anyway, happy spring. We're here. Spring. We made it. We made it. Spring. We made it. We're here. Spring. We made it. What's the first day of spring? It's March 21st? It's, I always think it's the 21st. Whatever. It's a journey. And afterwards, I said, we did it, fam. We did a Joe. Almost. I never told you that. That guy I slept with. Like, it was a journey. And afterwards, I said, we, did it Joe and he like didn't get it. And I think he thought I was calling him Joe. I never told you this.

But he didn't correct you just to be clear. He looked at me. He goes, huh? He literally, it got weird for a minute. And I'm sitting here with a cum on me. And he's looking at me like, are you fucking serious? And I was like, didn't you ever, it's Kamala. I'm having to explain this while I've come on my body.

Like, it's a funny thing. It's a meme. He's like, she called me the wrong. I don't know what's worse. Him thinking that you don't know his name or him not knowing the we did a Joe thing. Well, I think then he picked up on it, but I think, like, if you just got done sleeping with somebody and then they said a wrong name, like, it would take you a minute, too. But earlier in the night, someone had said something very funny, like, we did a Joe, and it was,

like, in my head. And I just, I thought it was so funny to say after sex. I think it's so funny. We say it all the time. It's, like, so perfectly placed. And his name is so clearly not Joe. It's not even close. But it's like a similar energy. It's a similar vibe. Wait, what do we say, Richard? Is the same name with Dennis? No. It's Richard and Charles are the same name. I have a Charles story for you later. Okay. Can I tell you what someone wrote that made me laugh out loud on a post, again, like some thirst trap, someone wrote Damn Africa, which is, I've never seen.

I laughed so hard. Have you ever seen that? Have I ever seen mean girls on a live forever? Have you ever seen like people comment damn Africa? Bella, no. Have you seen this? Isn't that so funny? That is so funny.

Bold also. That's a deep cut line. In 2022, it's bold to say that. People might not know what it means. it's just, it's a line from mean girls. I know, but you know, everybody's sensitive about everything they do. Speaking to that, it's a comedy podcast, guys. If you don't like jokes, maybe it's not the place for you.

Yeah, find another podcast. It's less funny and interesting. Some people got mad about something I said a couple weeks ago. I literally prefaced it saying, this is a joke. Some girl felt the need to tell me how ugly I was. The rest of you, we love you. We're so happy. We're 80%.

We love you. You guys have been so great lately. Your messages are so amazing. It really has been so incredible. I don't want to talk about the negative without the positive because it's overwhelmingly positive. The messages, people loved Emily and Caitlin and just everything. And we're just really so honored. And the show keeps growing and because of you guys.

Yeah, we have amazing guests coming up for you guys. You can show your support publicly by going to iTunes or Spotify, leave a rating. Please leave a five-star rating. It means so much to us, guys. If you're a newer listener, please do that. And then obviously put us in your Instagram stories and tag us. We love to repost you. We love to see all the little cute things you're doing.

We love to see you in the new merch. We got hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of orders. Almost every single thing has gone out. You guys tied us like crazy. So thank you for storming the merch store. We have so much cute stuff and more coming. So you can grab all that. Girls got any podcast.

Not shop. Yes. And speaking of our former guests, Caitlin, we had last week. And we went on her podcast Off the Vine also last week. So we'd love for you guys to go listen to us over there if you want more of us, more of Caitlin. You know, we just love her and how she pivoted her career after being the Bachelorette. We talked about this.

I think the first time we recorded with her, just she didn't go on to just become like an influencer. Like she made a whole brand and starting with the podcast. She's kind of like an OG in that space. So we just love her podcast so much and her in general. And we went on it last week. And it is so funny. We were just looking at the clips. She does confessions, which this recent time we went on, we confess some things.

And they posted both of the clips and they are so funny. And the way they're edited is so great. And you can listen to the whole story. Obviously they made Raina's very like clickbaity. like they blanked out her confession. And mine, I confessed this thing to Caitlin and she gags and swats her hand. My brother just texted me.

He was like, that video was so funny. She's like, dry heaving. Well, I didn't know these were going to come out. And I'm paying for it right now. These confessions, one of the confessions, I mean, I'll tell you guys. It was about Spotify. It's about I don't know Spotify.

And I would like to announce that I downloaded Spotify. I'm a premium member now. Yay, she's joining. I'm doing it. But I said that I like had to make up this whole ruse because I'm not a Spotify member with this guy that I've been talking to.

And I figured he's not going to listen to Caitlin Bristow show. Like, I figured that's not like his demo. Everyone should listen to Caitlin Bristow show. Yeah. He listened to it. He did. He listened to me, talk what I made up this whole lie to like get around telling him that Spotify. And I told him my deepest darkest secret was I don't know how to ride a bike.

And that is my deepest darkest secret. Now you guys all know. But now this has come out, which is my deeper, darker secret. But not anymore. You join the world. Yeah, I'm here, guys. It's 2022. too. It's only one of the top two biggest platforms our podcast is on. Raina didn't have it.

So I've been carrying our Spotify everything on my back for four years. I have it on free. I just wasn't paying for it. Oh my gosh. Now I have it. So yeah, listen to us on the show. We just have so much fun with her. And if you didn't catch her last week, go back and listen to the episode last week too. Yeah. And she's so refreshingly just candid and especially coming from that world. Not everybody's like that. She's so open about sex and I just, I cannot adore her anymore. And that was like such a fun conversation. So go listen to that. And then while we're talking about Caitlin and The Bachelor, we just can't not talk about

this insane season and finale. You guys, I'm actually like, I've watched this season. I've watched in so long, like watch the episodes. Yeah. I mean, I was saying earlier, I don't really, I skip a bunch in the middle. Like, I used to watch every episode, but I just get kind of bored, but I always tune in towards the end. And I'm like, that was sports too.

people are like, aren't you watching the Clemson game? I'm like, is it a playoff game? You wait until like you... I like the drama. Well, they got us this season because they showed basically the final Rose ceremony. He's like, I'm in love with all you

and I fucked all of you. And they do that like the first, like the first clips of the series. So they hooked me. I know. And I was out of now. Whenever I took maybe like four or five weeks off. I watched the beginning.

I watched a lot of the Sheney drama and then I took some time off. And I was like, let me know when that episode happens. And I'm back in. But also I just love a live finale. course we love seeing Caitlin as she was like our guest for the week and I wish she was going to host next season. I don't feel like I don't understand why they don't do like the women for the

bachelorette and have Jessie for the Bachelor. That's what I would prefer. I know but you love you're Jesse Stan. I love Jesse but after like the Bachelor like I just feel like it should be Caitlin and Tasha for two bachelorets. Okay sorry. I know. Let's talk about what happened. So it was the most suspenseful ending. This was just like emotionally such high intensity. I have never seen such crazy behavior in my life. You would think that none of these people had ever seen the show before and hadn't been on for 50 years. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that Clayton is like some manipulative fuck boy.

I think he's like not the smartest guy. I think that he was just trying to like get it all in. Like I feel like he did too much. Like, I feel like he was like in an open bar and you're like, is this real? I can drink whatever I want all night long for free. And then you wake up and you have a fucking hangover and you're like, there's consequences to your actions. And like that's how I feel.

I feel like he was like, I have feelings for. I think he had feelings for everybody. I think that he wanted to fuck everybody. I don't blame him. And it, like, caught up with him. And it wasn't good. I don't think that there is any instruction manual for being on reality television.

I don't think that people are, like, born knowing how to deal with this. I think that the object of the show is to come on, shop for love, find some people. And I don't think that, yeah, I don't think he's some, like, bad, terrible guy. I don't think his intentions were to, like, hurt all these people. But watching him tell all of them that he's in love with them.

I mean, it was crazy. I just think he's, like, kind of dumb. and he was like, I love you. Like, he was like, I love you. Like, he had a double breakup, which was crazy. The mass breakup was one of the craziest things I've seen on television. Both of them were like, what? And Gabby, listen, I was on the fence about Gabby the whole season.

I didn't not like her. I just, I didn't have any thoughts about her. And when she was just like, this is bullshit, I think all of America just like stand Gabby so hard. So I thought Gabby really should have her true colors and she was like breakup goals. Like, she said all the things she needed to say. You know, like when you're in that moment, you're like, I didn't say this.

say that and I wasn't as eloquent as I wanted to be like she nailed it and we hadn't seen that side of her. The shittiest thing I think Clayton did was not letting her go when she wanted to go. That was fucked. She was like, this shit is fucked up. I'm out of here. And he was like, no, no, no, stay. Because I think he was like, well, what if she doesn't stay? Then I'm just left with Rachel. But does she win? But no, I still want Susie. Like, it would have been a mess. But like, I think the whole situation is totally a natural. The only thing I didn't love about Gabby was she kept saying, I'm not trying to compete for love. It's like, that's literally the show. So it was incredible TV.

I've been watching The Bachelor for so many years. Like nothing like this has really ever happened. Something similar to it, but not like this magnitude. And I mean, I just think it was fun to watch. And I mean, I guess best of luck to them. Like, whatever. I just found him really unappealing. I went in kind of thinking it was going to be like this big hawk eye.

And by the end of the season, I was like, nah. Yeah, I think you should have the bad. I don't know how much of an element of just not breaking the fourth wall that there was. because this all could have been solved by him saying, like, guys, we all came on this show to, like, so that I could date a bunch of you. We all know that all the bachelors sleep with all the girls at the end. Like, I think that maybe there's an element of maybe he wasn't allowed to say that on television

because this could have all been cleared up by being like, let's just level with each other here. This is what we're here for, right? Yeah. I mean, I've seen mostly if they say, I love you, they say it to two people, not three. I've heard that they usually do sleep with three, the men. Like, nobody's asking. Like, I don't want to know.

The whole point of the show is like they're fucking and you don't find out about it. Like Susie was like, did you fuck him? And he was like, yeah. And she was like, bye. It was just so crazy. And could they have picked a crazier place for him to have that last rose ceremony? They're both sobbing their eyes out and you can hear them sobbing through the museum while he's talking to Jesse Palmer. It was crazy.

Acoustics were great. Where was that? We should do a show there. Yeah. So I don't know. I mean, I love Gabby racial speeches during the live finale. If that was me, I would have been practicing the shower, practicing my friends shadow boxing. Like, what am I going to say to them?

I thought they did great. I mean, I guess, congrats to Clayton and Susie. I don't fucking care about this couple. Oh, I don't care. I watched their People magazine shoot and I was like, bleh. Yeah, so I'm excited for the next season. I like two bachelorets. If you guys don't know, they did two bachelorets before in a little different way.

That probably wouldn't fly these days. But Caitlin and I think her name was Britt, they went on together as two bacheloretts and the men chose, which is insane. And they sent Britt home and Caitlin was the Bachelorette. And if you may not know that, but they did this one other time with two leads. And that's how they're not doing that again. Which I don't know how this is going to work. I don't either.

I can't wait. You know, I just like need this. I need more drama. Like I haven't felt like this last season. I haven't felt as entertained since Clarendale. No, this was more entertained. It was. But like I haven't felt I've been a little bored except aside from Clarendale.

Like this was Pete crazy. Trump's Clarendale. 100% for me too. I cannot wait to. see what happens with two bacheloretts that go into this being best friends and walk into the Thunderdome together. So that was crazy. So I just tell you about this other thing that I did last night after I watched that. In your home. I went on a journey. I couldn't tell you about it. A journey alone at home. Yeah, the suffering gets into when she's unsupervised. I'd had a little

whiskey. So I have been on this journey to find out if my ex is dead. So here's the background on this is that he's the person I dated before my last ex. Ashley hates him. He doesn't have a family. That guy. Listen, you say it and it sounds mean, but no one ever said I wasn't mean. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, I hate, I don't like him for you and he doesn't have a family. Those are two separate things. I don't dislike him because he's familyless. He, yeah, so I went on this journey to see if he was alive. So the backstory of this is that we, like, reconnected very briefly after my ex I broke up and he had called me right after and he basically was like I fucked up I want to try again I'll do whatever it takes I'll come to New York I'll fly you down here let's take a trip I want to like go somewhere for Thanksgiving to fly you down there what in the last this is not part of the story in the

last row of the plane on spirit I'm not with him for his money I'm with him for his body okay that is not the point of the stories he's like I fly you down here with what money poor shaming I'm just saying Can I get through this store? Okay. He's so hot. I literally don't care. Okay, so we reconnected. He's like, I fucked up.

I want to try again. Whatever. We should take a trip for Thanksgiving. Don't go home for Thanksgiving. Like, don't be with me instead. We'll go somewhere. I'm like, okay, maybe. So we start to text.

We've already done Christmas together. Yeah, man. Yeah. So we're texting, whatever. And then he just stops responding one day, which is very him. He's very, like, anxious attachment style. Like, won't do it. Avoidant.

Avoidant. Sorry, avoid it. I mean, he goes in and out of my life. This is not like a crazy thing for us. Also, I was never for one second being like, we should get back together. I don't care. So he stops responding. I sent him maybe like three unanswered text messages.

One of them was a screenshot of you saying, I'm ready to retire. You can go live with Dennis, Charles. In Florida, he doesn't respond to that. It was very funny. And then he was like, I hate Ashley. And his Instagram goes private. And he never posts again. So I've been trying to get in there for like months.

I'm trying to figure out like I've had friends try to follow him. Also, can I just jump in that he does some things for his work? He's not like a total loser. I'd just like to make fun of him, but that could get him killed. Yeah, some of the stuff is a little dangerous. Which is kind of hot. Thank you. He does some stuff that's a little dangerous on the boundaries of being legal also. It's fine. It doesn't matter. See, okay, I just wanted to validate that like, this isn't a guy that works at Salesforce that could kill in the battle field of Salesforce. So I've been trying to figure out if he's alive. I even had one of our friends.

One of our friends has built a Finsta over the last seven years with followers, photos. She tried to follow it. He's like not accepting any follow request. I'm like, I got to figure this out. Also, I mean, again, it wouldn't be totally crazy if he just decided to not talk to me for six months because he likes to do stuff like this. But also I thought maybe he was dead and I felt sad about that. So yesterday morning I got up and I was trying to figure out like, who do I know that he also knows? So I go back.

I find these photos, these girls. I'm going through this girl's photos to see if he's maybe in any of them. I'm scrolling. I tapped this photo to look at the tags and I accidentally liked a photo on her feed from September of 2019 at 8 a.m. from my verified account

with half a million followers. So I was like, whatever. Okay, you know, it happens to the best of us. Yeah. So I'm trying to figure out all day if he's live and I was drinking last night and I was like, I'll just call. I'll just call him.

Why not? I just had some whiskey. It was 11 o'clock at night. I just called him. No, you didn't. Did he pick up? He answered the phone, and he just started laughing. He just started hysterically laughing.

Oh, my God. And I just... Wait, hold on. What was that timestamp again? 11? 11.306 and 11.30. It's probably the phone from like 11 and 12. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So I'd had some whiskey. We were on the phone. I didn't... I never really asked what happened. I feel like I just know. Yeah. I just feel like he decided I did too much.

I said too much. I asked her to skip Thanksgiving with her family. and then I just stopped talking to her. Just, you know, that's like how he ghosted out of it. Yeah. But yeah, we caught up on the phone. He told me that he is thinking of leaving where he lives and getting a RV that he's going to hollow out and live in,

which is not the first man this week. That's our type that we know that has told me this week that they're going to get an RV hollowed out living it. Oh, okay. Right, right, right. I can't with these dudes. I mean, but that's also like a cool way to live. Like, I look at like Dean and Caitlin from the Bachelor franchise that like literally do that.

And she was like a pageant girl. And she was like, I love him. And I'm going to live in this van. Like live your truth, you know? I mean, this other person that told me he was going to do it is because he wants to like ski and like drive around in Colorado or something gross. I don't know. No, collar isn't gross. Living in a van, it's just not for me. So this guy told me that he's going to get a van or a school bus and haul it out and live in that van. And then I told him I got a breast reduction.

He said that feels really selfish. You're like, don't worry. It's not that different. It's really not different at all. Can't stress this enough. Just a couple scars is higher and tighter. Same size. So that was the whole conversation. It never came up what happened. It just made me laugh. I was excited to tell you. Yeah, I mean, I can't believe you just called him. It's so bold. I was just also, you know, you get to a place with certain people where you're like, I don't care. Oh my God. I don't care if this person thinks to me. A million percent. And that's exactly like the fact that he picked up and just started laughing. Yeah. Because we've spoken since November and it's March and

I'm sure he thinks it's hysterical. And he doesn't care what I think about him either. Like, neither of us are like, let's be embarrassed about this. I know. I just, I like when you have a relationship like that with an ex or somebody like there's a guy that I dated and I feel very comfortable like flirting with him saying stuff. Like we were texting the other day. I'd seen this like whatever, it's not important, but I had sent him a text and then I've dated three people with his same name and we were like joking about it. I was like, thank you for not kinkshaming me. Like that's my kink, his name. But it's just funny. It really is your kink. Yeah, it really is. There's two names now that are like, there's been a lot of them. Well, good. He's not dead.

He's not dead. But I encourage people to do that. Like, why, we had so many friends like trying to like follow him on Instagram. Another friend of ours was going to send him like a text from like a fake phone number to see. Like, I just encourage you. to just pick up the phone and call. Why hypothesize? Just pick it up. Okay. Well, I had, well, first of all, I actually made a couple notes. I wanted to talk about how horny you were last week at Stay Humble. Okay, so we had talked about this. I was hoping this would come up. So Francis and I, Francis Ellis, great friend of ours and fellow comedian, he and I run a show at the stand. We've been doing it. I think that was our 20th show. We obviously had a break for COVID, but we've been

running a show monthly at the stand since August 2019. And February 2020 was just this like wild night. Like all the guys were there. Like all these hot guys were there like friends of ours who are comedians. I was dating somebody, newly dating somebody that I was really into the guy I just talked about. And like he was there and it was like I had done a joke about him on stage and us hoking up. And like we just slept together for the first time. And it was like this really like sexually charged night. But Raina, first of all, you weren't even drinking. You were like sober for that one week. you were so horny for everyone. Everyone was so horny for me.

That's fair. That's mutual. And then like you were so horny and I was like every time I looked, you were like snuggled up with a different man in a different corner of the bar. And then we got in a car on the way home, me and the guy was dating and you and you just jumped out of the car on a corner. I was like, she's out. I was like, she's like, I'll get out right here and she jumps out.

And she goes, have fun fucking. bye and just lay on the door and we did have fun fucking but it was just so funny and I haven't seen that energy like Francis and I were kind of saying we're like the show is so fun we love it the lineups are always fire and we have such a good time doing it but it used to be like our favorite thing we did like it was like all of our friends would come and it was like the most epic hang and we had so much fun and we just had we're saying recently that it hadn't felt like that for a little while not it was fine we're still enjoying it but like I was like I just feel like rain and needs to be here like I just feel like our friends need to come again and so you came Dylan came and

just people were there and it just felt like the old times. It felt like pre-COVID. It felt like February 2020 and it was just really nice. It felt really good. You were, again, off on everybody. And I do go to a lot. I mean, I think it's so much fun. I skipped the last one because of my surgery.

But yeah, I was up. There was a lot of people that night that were there in February 2020. I know. That's what I'm saying. It was like the same roster. Yeah, it was a very similar lineup this time. I couldn't even decide who to masturbate to. I don't know.

I don't have a lot of new stuff in my spank bank. Just this one thing. Dylan and I really bonded this weekend. He came to the show Thursday. and then he and I hung out Saturday night. We ran around and I was like doing spots. I had a very like, I don't need to get into all the details, but I just feel like I had a lot of like self-reflection this weekend.

I had spent Friday night with Kelly, who's been on the show and Dylan Saturday night and just kind of like talking about my dating life. And it was just like a lot of reflection. And I kind of, I haven't really filled you in on everything. But it did just make me want to plug Kelly for a second who we love. She's one of the only people we've had on the show twice. Kelly Knight, her brand is Modern Mystic, Modern Mystic Shop. And if you guys live in New York, she opened a shop in no lead.

and arguably like the best shopping part of New York. The best street. The best street. Yeah. So 248 Elizabeth Street in New York. I mean, it's just, that is the best place to just walk around

and pop in all those shops. And then go to Kobe after your tacos. Say less. But anyway, she's doing a really cool or a reading event coming up there end of this month. So you guys can follow Modern Mystic underscore shop on Instagram. And of course, that's Kelly who's been on the show.

And we pulled some cards on Friday. It was like very impactful. and she is just, I mean, she's one of my closest friends, but like, honestly, like a life advisor to me. We brought her to a comedy show last week. She came with us to see Jamie Lee. And anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that if you're in New York or you come to New York, you should go into that shop, you get your crystals and your tarot cards or whatever and check it out. It's truly the best part of New York is like that block anyways. Like, if you come here, you got to go there. Yeah. You can go to, like, there's a luna there and then the, um, what is it?

The perfume. The perfume. You get your perfume made. Oh, Lalabo. La Labo. Yes. They, like, do a little, like, custom perfume. perfume for you. I wear the rose. The rose is my favorite. You wear this on tall. There's a great Cuban sandwich place on that block. It's so good. You could literally only go to that block. Be totally fine. It's just fun to like pop in and out of all those stores. Love it. I love it so much. All right. Well, check it out, guys.

Will you laugh? I'm just laughing at this thing I have to read you. Okay. I'm so excited. Jenny Jones, she's been on the show. She's in the show. We recorded with her in Rana's birthday. So she was on the show in June, late June. On my birthday. Yeah. But like the episode was late June of 2021. She's a close friend of mine. And now Rayna's, but she's more my friend. And I don't know what, like, she's on the apps hard. She dates a lot. And she usually, she uses Bumble a lot. And the guys that, like, Jenny gets more like dick picks than anyone I've ever. Yes. And like also really funny picks. Like that one guy

that just sent her, it was like, it was a dick pick, but he was smiling so hard. He's like, cheesing. She gets more than anybody. I mean, she puts out that energy into like, I don't think, I've seen the conversations. Like, she's not asking for them. I don't know how this happens. So she just sends me just out of the blue. There was like no preface to any of this. She just is like, look at these screenshots. And at first I'm like, they're just going to be another, you know, context conversation with these crazy guys and Jenny.

And this was like next level. Okay. So I'm so excited. This guy, I don't know what was happening before. I don't think that they were sexting, but he just opened their, I mean, Jenny probably was like, hey, what's up? So this is on Bumble. We'll give him a different name.

I don't know if God forbid he would hear this and be so mortified. We'll just call him Dennis. Everybody in this episode's name Richard Dennis and Charles. Yeah. So Dennis says, I like to eat pussy until a woman comes and then have her let me fuck all her holes, L.O.L. Hopefully that doesn't sound too bad, L.O.L. Tell me what you like. Hopefully I didn't just scare you L.O.L. Jenny goes, are we in our third LOL? Yes. Jenny goes, three uses of LOL. Jenny said three uses of LOL is what scares me. And then he goes, I will eat your ass also.

Explanation point. As long as you let me stick my tongue really deep. And Jenny goes, enthusiastic response. And then he goes, are you now scared? And Jenny goes, I'm high. And he goes, it feels good. Had girls do it to me before. Just got to be really drunk.

We can go get a bunch of toys from the adult shop and get high and experiment on each other. L. O.L. exclamation point. I promise in real life, I'm more chilled and aggressive. Just been drinking all day. And Jenny goes, so you're a super chill rim drover. Cool, cool, cool.

He goes, no problem. I can do that. No problem. I can do that all night for you, baby. We would have to be doing a 69 type thing as well. I like vibrating cock rings that also have a clit stimulator. Send me a picture of your pussy. I can send a dickpick as well. And then Jenny says no problem. She's like, I'm high, Dennis. So then she sends me his profile. And I haven't been on Bumble in a minute. But like under my interest, you can just like click some different things. So his interests are art, snowboarding beaches, road trips being romantic. So she goes, I don't know what's in. So she goes, she was like laughing at me. She's like being romantic. I was dying. And she goes, hold on.

He's still going. She didn't say anything. He was like, hold on. He was like, let me get my dick pick ready. He goes, got the pick. And then she didn't ask. He says, you get just the tip for now. I'd.

Literally just the tip. It's literally just the tip. He's holding it so hard. It is bright red. It's just coming in from the side. He looks like he's really gripping that thing. And so he goes, you get just the tip for now. Send me a sexy picture.

Jenny goes, why? And he said, send me a picture of your wet clit and maybe I will show you more or like your thong to the side. My dick doesn't get hard for just anyone, L.O.L. And then Jenny goes, is this what your profile meant by being romantic? And then he unmatched her. So she goes, she said, he unmatched me after the romantic comment. I guess I wasn't doing it for him. And she goes, well, you're missing out on this pretty butthole, Dennis, big mistake. That is so funny. What time of the day was Do we see time stamps? She sent it to me. See, I think she was sending this to me in real time.

So it was like 9 p.m. on a Sunday. I mean, like day drinking. Yeah, I mean, also, so we're clear. Like, nothing that he said, we're not shaming. And that's, that's the sex you want to get with you, somebody that you're giving it back to or that you ask for it. Yeah. We love sexting.

I'm, like, more power to Dennis for, like, saying what he wants and what he wants to do. But, like, she didn't ask and she was not responding. This is crazy. And he's a stranger. He went up. You don't. justify this. You know, we think it's like predatory. No, no, no, no. I want to be clear that like

his words I'm not making fun of like, oh my God, can you believe a guy would say that? I just want to be very clear. You know what I'm saying? And he sent an us a list that a dick pick. But like, if that was my man and he was like, tell me what you like, I want to eat all your holes. I'd be like, say more Dennis, you know. Guys, all I want to do is sexed and have fun sex. So I just want to be, you know, that's all I just wanted to I just wanted to. I just like that he ran to the bathroom and did a

hold on, hold on, just the tip. It's ready. This feels like Dennis had this locked and loaded. Well, that's, she didn't ask for it and I don't like that at all. Like, it is predatory to send that when someone didn't ask. But like, it's kind of funny. Just the tip. And he sends just the tip.

It's so funny. Actually, like, and letting this wash over me. I've never really seen that. I also like this trick for guys that don't have, like, huge dongers. Yeah. He was holding it. He was really grub in it. It was really red.

I've, like, never seen that before. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, I was just so excited to share that with you. That is so funny. And sometimes, like, you never know these, like, where these are. going to go and she really sticks it out for the comedy of it. I just love like another friend of ours like heads up with this guy. And she's just like single and like in her ho phase and she's just living her best life.

But he like didn't say anything to her for two weeks. And then he hit her up and he was like, hey, what's up? And she was like working. What's up? And he said, I want to see you again. She goes, I'll think about it. Like I just love like, fuck you. Like maybe if I feel like some dick.

But like I love the like dry responses. Like they just crack me up. Like sometimes if I'm texting with like, guy like I don't care about. Like I will just write responses that I think are funny to me and that I can share with you. Like I'm entertaining myself. Yeah, 100%. This is what I like to do. It's like we're done with the interaction between us. I'm just trying to entertain my friends. So on that note, I did want to give this update. I told you guys about this so many weeks ago at this point, this guy that I had met in Austin, short zipper king's friend. That's how you guys would know him, obviously.

And he had said, do you want to get drinks when we get back in the city? And I had said yes. And then he didn't talk to me for two weeks. Then he hit me up and was like, hey, let's get drinks in 10 days. On a Monday and midnight. Okay. So I never responded and update that he told somebody it got back to me that I ghosted him. It's funny that that, do you think he believes that? Do you think his experience with women is so thirsty that he feels that? I think he thinks he did nothing wrong. I think that's men in New York. Like he took two weeks to hit me up and then, I don't think he thinks he did anything wrong. And I'm not even saying it was like that egregious. I just didn't want it. And that's not how I like to be communicated with. So I thought

that was very funny. He told somebody some things that like that I ghosted him, which I just thought was hysterical. And then last weekend, two weekends ago, which was a month from the last communication, I just sent him a ghost emoji and said, we should get drinks. And like, like, hey, the ghost emoji is also like, hey, it's so cute. It's like, it has like one black eye. And he just said like, LOL. And then I didn't say anything. And then a few, I was like, just wait, just wait. And then we were at dinner. And it was like a few hours later. he goes, so when are you free? Why did you respond?

3 a.m.? No, no. So he wrote, What Are You Free? And I said, I'm free this week. And then at 307 a.m. Okay. And then nothing. Which, again, like, I don't care.

I don't even remember that guy barely at this point. We had a very short interaction in January. But, like, I just sometimes like to entertain myself. Yeah, that's what we're doing. It's funny that I heard through the great fine. He said I ghosted him, and I'm going to send him a ghost emoji. I just think so many people act so shitty.

And instead of, like, getting in your head about it, not you, but everybody. Like, instead of getting in your head, beating yourself up, Bocan, it's just funny. It's funny. It's just funny. This behavior is crazy. Why not fuck her album a little bit?

And like that guy, I mean, again, I didn't, I'm not going to date that guy. I would go out with him, though. How could drinks with him? I feel like he's going to resurface now in another month. He's hot. He's so hot. He's so hot. Yeah.

You could like that guy's a butthole. You know that guy's a pristine butthole. You think, yeah. He keeps it clean. Like me. I think he's a beautiful butthole like me. Jenny. Do you have a beautiful butthole? Do you ever look at your butthole?

My God, Raina. I've been thinking about it a lot. You guys should see her right now. He's like looking at the ground. I'm not going to say all this. I'll talk to you about it offline. You're going to talk to privately about your butthole. Interaction recently with somebody has made me really just make sure.

It needs to be like, I mean, I think it's fine. But someone was like pretty up close with my butthole recently. And they said something you're not nice about it? No, no, no, no, no. everything was great to them, but it got me thinking like, oh, I, them kind of bringing up that, like, I was really up close and personal with your behole had me being like, oh, I hope with everything. Which is, I don't think there's anything, like, the only thing that, the only thing that I wouldn't like is if my ass is, like, really white. But nobody's butthole is white. They're pink. I'm not worried about the hole. I don't, I think that's like not. I'm not, I'm worried about my butt. Like, like, the whole butt. I just think the cheek. Yeah, it's like your butt. You want to tan your butt cheeks. I do sometimes.

I'm just talking about the butt hole. Oh. Listen. If someone is fucking you, doggy, and they are looking so much at your butt. Hole. But like your butt. But they're spreading your cheeks to look in the hole.

But they're not down in the hole. Like, their dick is going in the hole. No, the dick is going to your pussy. That's not where your pussy hole is. No, no, no. You know what I mean. You're right.

you're right. No, I didn't mean that, you guys. I know the difference between anal and vaginal sex. But I'm just saying, like, they're not eye to eye with your butthole. Like, I just want my butt to look good. Listen, I'm making for you know what you're saying, but I do like when someone's hitting a doggy and they spread my butt cheeks and look at my butthole. And I thought maybe... You feel like that happened to me. You started thinking about this because somebody told me I had the nicest butthole that they'd ever seen. You had a nice butthole, yeah. The nicest. No one's ever said anything about my butthole. I've never heard any. comments about my butthole ever and you know what it made me want a 69 it just made me want to like do you have you don't have any coloration back there i well it made me be like what does it look like so i like bent over was like staring at her everybody has a little brown eye i don't it's just pink it's just it's just a nice

little baby bottle that's interesting it's not brown i'm i'll show you later um yeah i mean i i like my butt but i mean i have that like weird little divot because i felt on the steps and i just don't like I just want to make sure it looks good for next time. You have spray tan your butt cheeks. So what I do is I just do in the winter. I mean, now that I wear a little more cheeky bikini bottoms and I will get my butt like a little more tan in the sun. But I just use like the Neutrogena natural glow, whatever.

And when I just make sure to get my butt. I put the Jurgens natural glow on it. Is that what I said Jurgens? Did I say that? You said, Newturgyna. I meant Jurgens. Okay. That's why I used my butt.

So that's a hot tip. I would love for Jurgens to pay me. I love that lotion so much. I don't, I think it does have a little bit of a scent. So I don't do it on my upper body because I can smell it. Again, it's not, it's not bad. Oh, I like the smell. Well, yeah, some people like it.

It's like, it's very subtle. But I just like when I'm kind of transitioning from like winter to like shorts weather, that's what I do on my legs and my butt and my stomach. Why are you laughing at me? I just, I thought, but we were like 10 minutes in this comment before I realized, butt cheeks, not butthole. Well, I just realized I hadn't really talked to you about this thing recently. Like, I just had a conversation about my butt recently.

Mm-hmm. And I just want to make sure. everything looks good back there. I think it does. I see your butt all the time. It looks good. But I feel what you're saying. But it just really can be like the whitest part of your body. You just so, everything shows up when it's so pale. I like I'm really, I'm actually glad you brought this up because I have a nude queued up of my butt right this second. Um, so I'm making some videos of some stuff this week. Oh, that looks nice. Yeah, you smooth it out. That's got a filter on it. Definitely. That's good. A little Paris filter. But yeah, I do have that this week. Huh? I might do that

this week. But that's my normal. But that's no filter on it. Yeah. But it can be really pale sometimes. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like I don't think I have a perfect butt by any stretch, but I like, it's as good as it's going to get probably without some sort of like fat transfer, you know?

I think you got a good butt. I would be having close with it if I was a guy. How do we get here? Okay. Raina, do you want to introduce our topic? You know what? We actually, I want to credit a listener that sent us this, an email about this. Uh-huh.

Sorry. I didn't want to tell you. Like, I just thought of it as I was saying that. But you feel very passionately about it. But this was, came from a listener. So we always like, you know, see your guys emails and you wanted us to talk about this. I think this is just something that you and I have talked about privately

that has come up for me. It's a pattern in relationships, I think. And I didn't really know what to call it. Because I've dealt with it in some different forms and different relationships, which of course we'll talk about today. But this listener sent us this article about weaponized incompetence. And we'll read you what the definition is.

But basically just like dating people, whether they're doing it on purpose or not, that you feel like you have to do everything for that person and how much resentment it makes you feel. And there's tons of levels to this, which we'll go through, everything from feeling like you've to do household chores all the way to like writing their resume for them and raising your children alone because they won't help you. But yeah, do you want to read what she sent? She just said, like, you guys should cover this. It went viral on TikTok. So this is kind of like things kind of stem from there. There was a video

that went really that kind of opened people's eyes to this. I watched it. The woman was like saying that her husband had agreed to watch the baby and he'd like fallen asleep with the baby on his chest, which he's not watching the baby, you know, and it's also a little dangerous. But in terms of a definition, weaponized incompetence is also known as strategic incompetence. Weaponized incompetence refers to a situation wherein a person pretends to be bad at doing something in order to get out of doing certain tasks. It can pertain to any task at all, but usually manifest itself in home life settings like care tasks leading to domestic inequalities. This feels very, you guys know I love the breakup. It's one of my favorite movies when she's like,

did you get the 12 lemons? He's like, baby wants what baby gets. Or whatever. She was like, get 12 lemons, you got like three. Uh-huh. And like, gas let her and like, why did you need that many lemons? I don't know. I told you to do it. Why did you do it?

You know what I mean? Yes. And I think that this is something that you see a lot with household chores. And I think it can spiral into a really negative cycle where like you just accept that you have to do something all the time for other people. Well, for your romantic partner that you have to do stuff for them all the time. And then you're treating them like a baby. And they don't like being treated like a baby.

But you feel like you've been back. to this corner of like it's just easier if I do it and it becomes a bad cycle and I think it can really lead to other problems and I think we'll talk about boundaries and how to stop that from happening because there's two different things to me here. Weaponizing competence means they're doing it on purpose. They're acting like they can't do these things. Yeah. I think everybody knows this. You guys are smart, critical thinkers, most do you. But it doesn't mean that they're incapable for some reason. We know that people, everybody's a different life experience. We know that people have special needs. Like they could have a disability of some sort, physical

or mental. And obviously that's not what we're discussing here. And we know that people that are in relationships with somebody that may not be able to get through the world as easier as someone who doesn't have some sort of challenge, you deal with that within your relationship. And that's not what we're discussing here. You're perfectly capable. You can do it. You just don't want to. You want it to be done for you. Right. You're pretending you can't. And, you know, I think that there is absolutely a difference between somebody who's 22 and hasn't experienced the world as much as somebody who's 35, 36. And, you know, I give those people a little more of a person. And, you know, I give those people a little more of a past because like some people really have just never lived on their own. They need to

make a couple mistakes and they'll figure it out, you know? So there's a huge difference. Also, I think that there's like levels to this of like maybe somebody just isn't doing something to your standard because you're a higher functioning person. That doesn't mean that they're like unwilling to do something. You know, they're just not doing to your standard. Yeah. I mean, age obviously plays into it, but it's, I just think so much of it is how you were brought up. I mean, I talk about this with Rob. I talk about this with my brother. We talked about it with Bobby Westside. like did your parents make you do shit? You know what I mean?

Or did your mom do everything for you? Like if you were mom literally did everything for you. If you were like spoiled mama's boy or I guess I mean we're mostly kind of talking about men here. How are you supposed to get through the world? My brother had to wake up and help my dad on the weekends. Like and then we had jobs. Like you were taught to do stuff.

Like I am surrounded by too much male competence that my bar is so high. Like people like my dad and my brother Rob, Bobby. Like it just it's, I like doers. And those are my girlfriends as well. Like I just like people that like get shit done. And, you know, when we travel, would I love if you did everything? Sure. But it's not, it's not reality. Like, I got to figure the rental car out sometimes. I got to call the Uber sometimes. We divvy up our responsibilities, not just when we travel in life. Like, would I love to just

sit pretty and have everything done for me? Yes. Who wouldn't? And I think that I, when I think about the people, the men that I am attracted to, I tend to gravitate towards people that have a little feminine energy. I like people that are really emotional. I like somebody that gets really like deep with me. But sometimes those aren't the most like alpha masculine men. They're like, I just look and got this all the time. And I realize I need to kind of find a little bit more of a balance because it's not that it's emasculating for me if you're not exactly like the robs of the world that we're talking about that just like always got it. But I tend to feel like I have to help somebody. And then I continue to do it. And it becomes a pretty shitty cycle. I feel really resentful. And we'll talk about different levels. of like different things I think are totally fine to do for a person,

but you do get to a point where you're just so angry and frustrated and you're just like, I've let this go for so long. I didn't draw the boundaries. I don't know how to say to a person. I just, I find you to be a little incompetent. It becomes like very, very frustrating. And I dated somebody that I got to that point with where I felt like I was just doing so much for this person.

And I was just like, you're an adult, man. Like you've lived in this world without me. How did you do this for so many years? Right, right. Really stupid stuff. As small as like I had paid for this whole trip. I paid for the hotel and the car and I had chosen to go somewhere extremely expensive. So that was totally fine.

I was fine to pay for it. But I didn't love the room that we checked into. And I was like, for all this money, I'd like, there's a couple buildings in this hotel property. I just wasn't thrilled at the building. So I was like, do you mind just asking the front desk if they can like switch our rooms? We went downstairs. It's not a crazy ask.

I'm not being mean or horrible. It's the middle of the afternoon. The answer is yes or no. So we walked downstairs. I could feel him like physically backing away from the desk. And I was like, I have to do this too. Like you can't even just like give me a hand and like be the man here and help me out. Like I've done all these other things.

I've planned this trip. I've paid for it. I would just like to feel like I have a teammate because you would never do that. If you and I were like in a situation, we were like, I don't love this. One of us would do one thing and the other one would do the other thing to like help. And it just, it was so frustrating. There were so many situations like that.

Yeah. I mean, that, you know, we had a parallel situation with somebody that dated that was really similar to a person. that you dated and not everybody's people interaction, people get anxiety and stuff like that, they don't want to do it. But for that, you know, he might have felt like shy, shy, but or whatever, like, it was on top of all the other things that he didn't need to interact with someone to do. You know what I mean? It was on top of like calling you Uber or doing whatever. So it just kind of exacerbates like an already existing situation. I mean, for me, I dated someone.

I don't know how much he was faking it, you know, for last. lack of a better word, but he just really was not an adult to me in a lot of ways. And I felt like I needed to do a lot of things for him. And it started to make me lose trust in him as like a partner long term because of some of the decisions that he would make and some of like the very basic stuff that he couldn't do or that he missed or that I had to do for him. And I think everybody has a different bar for this stuff. So I'm not even saying that it's bad. You just have to feel your relationship is balanced in the way that it's balanced for you. That didn't work for me. And I don't want it.

And I need somebody that is a doer and can handle stuff and get stuff done. Or I would just prefer to be alone. I don't want to carry their weight. I don't want my life to be harder because I'm doing somebody else's stuff. So it just didn't work for me. And we broke up for other reasons too. But like that started to weigh on me. It just, it's that whole like, it boils down to like just trust.

Like I don't trust that you're going to be able to handle this. And don't we all want a partner that is going to like you said, lighten the load? And for everybody that means something different, you know, Like you said, like everybody has different boundaries of what that means. And just because you pay for everything doesn't mean another person has to do all these things, but you should feel like this is a teammate and a partner. And like, I don't have to do all these things. Oh, and I got to pick up the slack for you.

And it becomes this really bad cycle, at least for me, where I'm really angry. And I don't know how to verbalize that. And at least for me, it comes out in other ways. Like, I will probably say things that are a little disrespectful or a little just kind of like jabby. Because I start to feel like I'm the only person that can handle anything. Yeah. And it's a really frustrating cycle for me. And again, I don't think that everybody is capable of the same things because everybody comes

from a different education background and a socioeconomic background. But I think we all deserve to be with people that feel like if I can't handle this, you got this. A hundred percent. And like we've joked before. Like I would joke about my dad. Like he just does the dishes so badly. He puts the knives up.

And we always joke that like he does it badly so it doesn't have to do it. But he still has to do it. Like they've just bought better dishes. Like my dad has broken so many dishes over the years. Like it's just my mom was like, do you don't get out of this? Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's the solution to all this is like you make a decision and you don't let the person keep doing it. I think that that's like the household chores thing.

Yeah. Like I think you just draw the boundary of like, I would like you to do this thing. I've asked you to do it. Like the, I feel like every single woman here is like, the knives are always the wrong way. And it's just like, I think that if you just keep pushing and like don't let the goalpost move, you're just like, this is where the goal post is. And this is what I expect you to do. And don't fix it for them or change it for them.

and just say it a few times. Like, hopefully the person respects you enough to just do the little things you ask. Otherwise, like, if you feel like I'm frustrated all the time, like maybe you just picked the wrong person. I mean, me in particular, especially this trip, was like pretty eye-opening. Like, every little thing I just felt like he had just decided I got it

that I can take care of it. And he's just like going to... I remember we were driving in the car that I went to pick up that I had paid for. And we're driving. I was trying to find the USB port in the car and I could find it. I'm looking in three different glove compartments.

And I was like, can you help? because I'm driving. I'm swarving all over the road while I'm doing this. And he doesn't flinch to help and he opens up one of the glove boxes and he was like, oh, no, I don't see it. And I was like, could you maybe find it? And then we like got to a gas station. I went to go to the bathroom. I left the keys on the seat and he came in to the gas station, didn't bring the keys. Like all these little things, I think he just felt like Rain has got it, Rain is taking care of it because I had allowed the relationship to spiral into that. And I just was really at a point where I felt like I, this was so far out of He's a wonderful person. I just, yeah. I don't know that he's like the most, I got this kind of guy. For sure. I wanted to just talk about this book really quick

that I feel like is so important to the conversation. So it's called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. And I think she mentioned, the TikTok viral video, she mentioned this. This is way more for wives and mothers. I would say mothers. But I think it can be impactful if you're just married with no kids.

But really, if you're like running the household. And I just had to say some things that like, so this is like, I feel so happy to plug this. especially for any moms out there that are feeling overwhelmed. Like, it's going to change your life. Like it truly, I read the intro last night about this woman and she married this guy and everything was pretty great in terms of like them living together until they had kids. And then it's so much like they call it the she fault parent.

Like a woman just kind of has to be like the parent, the mom. And like it's not a lot of times men like think they're doing stuff, but they're just not. And the book is so great. There's a whole like strategy and like kind of game you play. I just, you guys just got to get the book. I'm not going to run through all that today. But it just is like so impactful. And a lot of things just need to be like brought to the surface that you're doing. So they talk about invisible work, which is kind of like behind the scene stuff that keep a family and home and a family running smoothly, although it's hardly noticed and rarely valued.

So like some of the stuff is a matter of like letting your partner know you do this stuff. Like you can, you guys can read this and every relationship is different. I feel like especially in a marriage, especially if you have children, like you're pretty open about this stuff. You can literally present them with the list. like here's all the shit that I do. Take a look. I know you never thought about this. You know,

so a lot of it is just like expressing that these are the things I do and these are the things I can need help with. There was something that I dog-eared this page. It says that my interviews with all types of husbands and fathers reveal that most men respond positively to a direct approach

and explicit and collaborative request for help. So instead of giving me the, I'm so disappointed or I hate you stare as she folds the laundry, I'd rather my wife just ask me for what she needs, offered one person. So I think that also goes about saying, I mean, I use that example when I was with my ex and he was just over a lot more. So there was just

a lot more dishes. You know what I mean? And so I was like, can you help me with the dishes? These are your dishes too. Obviously, asked in a nice way. And I never really had to ask again. So yeah, he wasn't like, I don't know how to do dishes. I'm just a stupid guy. Like, that wasn't the case. But this, just if you are married, especially if you're mom and you really feel like you're doing it all, you've got to get this book. And I just think it's like such a, such a game changer. So I think that's like different than people that are just like dating and feeling like you have an incompetent partner. But just wanted to plug it.

Well, we asked our listeners to give us some examples of weaponized incompetence in their relationships. And household chores come up more so than anything else. And I think to me at least it's the easiest thing to solve because it's just like you can name it. It's a thing. You can say, I need help with this. We both work full time.

We're both getting up in the morning going to work. You have just as much time in the world as I do. But I also do these things for you to make our lives better. And it's not fair to me that you don't help me. and maybe you think it's fucking stupid that I want you to put the knives, the other direction in the dishwasher, but it's for your safety,

and I'd like you to do it. So, like, let's just make it a habit. You know, it used to make me feel crazy like when I had partners I lived with that, like, would just fill the sink up with dishes and they wouldn't even put water in the dishes. And I would be like, okay, I don't even do them, just put some water in them.

And household chores should just be something that you feel like you have a partner in. And I hate this excuse of like, well, I'm just a dumb guy and I don't really get it. And it's just like, I don't appreciate that. I don't think that men are stupid or incompetent. I don't think that men don't know how to do stuff just because, like, I'm a woman,

I'm better, like, vacuuming and doing the dishes. Like, I hate that excuse. I think it's a crazy cop out. And I don't believe it either because you existed in this world without me. I feel like this does have to cut. A lot of this is how you're brought up. And I know even like friends I had growing up in high school and stuff, their moms did everything for them.

Like, I think there is certainly a type of man. again, we're talking about heterosexual relationships. It just feels more like a male thing. But this can go in any relationship. This can be lesbian relationships. This can be two men. Like, of course. Like, it just goes without saying.

So I just want to make that clear. But someone who grew up, like, totally their parents did everything for them. And then you go off to college and you just kind of like float through. I mean, think of like the frat houses and the boys that lived together in college. It was fucking disgusting. Yeah. Well, that's why I said in the beginning episode, that's a different thing. And then they go out into the world.

I know, but then they go out into the world. and like maybe then they had a partner who did do all this and maybe then they had another partner that did do all this. I mean, you could just end up with a person who has just, someone has done this for them forever. And I don't know that I want to be the person to change that. Like I, at my age, like, I just, I need a guy that's, is a doer and can get shit done. And then like, we work together.

Yeah, I'm not interested in it, you know? I think the household chores thing, again, it's an easy thing to just address and ask somebody to please change. In general, in life, if I feel that you can't accomplish things, I think that I would have, I was much more kind about these things. things when I was 24, 25, 26. I had a partner who, like, I helped him write his resume and his cover letter and I encouraged him to, like,

explore different jobs. And I was really, I thought about this a lot when we had, thank God I get to bring this up, Nedra to Wob on the show. With our boundaries episode, we talked to her a lot about, like, drawing boundaries of the partner and doing something for them versus sort of like leading them to water and letting them, letting a horse to water and letting them drink.

I did a lot for that partner that I think, like, and he kind of resented me for it because it was like, these were my decisions. that it was me pushing him, rather than me making kind of a suggestion and then just backing off. And I wasn't good at that when I was a little bit younger. And I think that I'm such a fixer,

and I am pretty high functioning. I can fix a lot of problems. I rarely have an issue that I don't have a solution for. That's how I like to function in the world. But I think that as a younger person, I was more inclined to do something for somebody else rather than saying like, hey, here's the way you should do this

and letting somebody do it for themselves. Yeah. And I think at this age, in my mid-30s, I'm not interested in a partner that I need to do those things for. Just day one, red flag right off the bat. I don't want to help you. I'm telling you. I want to help you.

Listen, I love you and I'll give you advice. But I'm just, I'm trying to get better at it. And I, I, like, had a situation with somebody I was dating who, like, was bringing a pet to an airport.

And my inclination was to ask this grown man, like, hey, did you check with the airline to see if you could, bring a pet on the plane? And then I was just like, you know what? I'm not going to ask a grown man. Right. if he managed to set up his travel plans correctly. I'm not going to be that person.

Sure enough, he got to the airport. He couldn't bring his pet on the plane. He had to change airlines. It was like this whole thing. And so for me, that was a red flag early on, like, what is going on here? But I was proud that I didn't like get in there

and be like, can you do it? Because I don't want to treat somebody like an idiot. I want to get people on a rope to hang themselves. 100%. And again, I also think people can change. Like, that's just because you grew up with your parents, your mom picking up your socks and doing every single thing for you, does not mean that you can become a fully capable.

partner, you know what I mean? You're not doomed. But, you know, so just keep that in mind. And I think that if you have somebody that's willing to learn some of these things, if you feel like they genuinely, I mean, we're talking more about the people, again, like the weaponized incompetence, like you actually can do the stuff you're just choosing not to. I feel like I have so much to say based on what you just said. So there is this article in the New York Times. This was from 2015, but it was actually, I think it was cited in the book, Fairplay. And the article is called Men Do More at Home, but not as much as they think. So, which is so, so, so, so much like, I did that. It's like, oh, but this one guy in the book was like, I cook dinner every night.

It's like, do you play in the menu? Do you go grocery shopping? Do you, like, you know what I mean? It's like you do the most minimal thing when someone is behind the scenes doing literally everything to set you up to cook dinner. But I love this one article. They were talking about weaponized incompetence and the author of the book, Fairplay, Eve Rodsky had said she thinks the phrase is brilliant. She noted that another professor of psychology, Darby Sachs calls weaponized incompetence

male malingering. And she said, Rodsky, again, the author went on to say that advice for women to lower their standards or stop doing unnecessary things is not only infuriating, but it is dangerous. She cites a friend's story as an example of this danger. I mean, this is like an extreme example. She said, my friend is married to a chef and found a pairing knife in her kid's car seat. She says, as Rodsky's friend says, the incident, I'm not lowering my standards. There was a knife in my kid's fucking car seat. So it just don't do it. Like, and I love what you said about the resume because I helped my ex with this resume as well. And I can,

can't remember exactly. I think I probably did it all from scratch looking back, but this is not to deny someone your expertise at all. You and I can help somebody with a lot of things in the world, and we can also use help from other people. That's how a relationship, a partnership should be. But you shouldn't have to start it from a blank page. You know what I mean? Like, if you're with somebody and they want help with their resume, have you found a resume? Do you have any resume? Do you have one from 10 years ago? Like, is there anything I can work with? Like, you get as far as you can get putting your 100% 10 out of 10 effort into it. And then I'm happy to take a look. And that is how I feel like I operate in business and in anything. Like,

I'm not going to do it for you, but I'll help. But you have to do everything you can do first. And I think that my inclination to yours is to help the people that we love. That is why we have, that's why we have a partner. You know, the best thing in the world about having romantic partner is they should lessen the load and you should learn from that person and they should expand your life and your circle. And my inclination is always to help. It's just you have to draw a boundary where you're sort of like enabling somebody or it becomes this cycle of like, I don't really have to do this. Raina's going to take care of it. And it makes me look down on you. And I, because I'm just like, but I would have figured this out on my own. Like, why aren't you

trying to figure this out on your own? You know, and it makes me resent people. And that's not fair. Not everybody's the same capabilities. It's just, I mean, you draw your boundary wherever you want to draw it. You know, my boundaries were very different when I was 24 and what was normal and acceptable for somebody to ask me for help with then, then it would be for a man in his mid to late 30s. It's different. Yes. And I mean, when you feel like you have a balanced, healthy relationship that you're being supportive as someone is lightning a load on you, then you have all those opportunities to be like, can you go get me a bagel? Like, you can do that stuff? Like the best relationships are like, we do so much for each other. We have an equal

partnership that like I can be laying on the couch and be like, can you give me a glass of water? You know what I mean? And vice versa. Yeah. Like, like I like to be taken care of. I like. I like I like to have stuff done for me that I could do for myself. And I'm happy to do that for somebody else. But it's when it becomes so much and there is such an imbalance. I need to have a divide and conquer like scenario with my partner or I just don't want that partner. And I remember thinking that so much when I was like, I was a couple years ago. My taxes were due and I hadn't done them the year before. And I was moving. I needed to get them all done. And I needed to apply for this apartment. I needed all this stuff ready to like apply for a condo building, all this stuff. And I remember thinking like, God, would be nice to like offload some of this and have somebody help me. And that's my bar. It's like I can say to my partner, I need you to help me with this. And like we can divide and conquer. Yes. I think traveling is a big thing for me. Like I will fall out of love with somebody on a trip if they cannot help me. I just want to feel like if I'm looking down at like what we're doing tonight and you're like, I got the Uber. I don't want to ask. Again, that's just my bar. I want

somebody who's a little more high functioning. I know. Oh my God. It's it's so true. Like I remember this massive screaming fight on the street I have with my ex where we had like left the Starbird and Dewey and there were like no cars and like I was desperately trying to get an Uber or figure it out. This was also like years ago, just less Uber's in general in a small town like that. And I remember like panicking like, are we going to walk back to Matt's house? You know, it's like three miles at that point. Like I was like, it's dark, it's late. Like I don't know how we're going to get home. And he was like just texting with this like,

friend. He was like texting with a guy friend, like just giggling on the group chat. And I was like, oh my God. Like how I'm very noticeably, because I'm saying so, stress about the situation, like, how is your inclination not to use the phone in your hand to help me to? Like I just, I like lost it on top of like all the other issues that we have. But I mean, it's extremely frustrating. And I just, I want to feel like, listen, you're not going to operate a crisis all the time. But I just want to feel like if I need help, I got this. And you and I, like, I think travel really well together because, like, one person is just doing a thing while the other person's doing it. I would never have the audacity to just fuck off while you were trying to deal something. I just wouldn't.

There's a ton of examples in this book. This one woman, she, like, was going on the ski trip. And the buildup to the story was how important it was for her to be able to ski with her skis. And they just didn't come off the plane. She had checked them as, like, oversized baggage. She never got her skis. And so they land on the ski trip with their family.

And she's, like, freaking out. She's like, my skis never came off the plane. Like, what are we going to do when her husband's, like, sitting there eating popcorn? Like, that's crazy. Like, can you imagine? Anybody I know that I'm close with would spring into action. Like, what can we do?

how can I help you? And that's not even a like, can I do this for you? It's like, how can we work together? What can we do? How do we divide and conquer to try to get your fucking skis? Uh-huh.

Even if you can't get them, even if you just have to like, well, okay, well, you do this. Let me go over and talk to the airline. Like, I mean, it's just the traveling thing. I mean, Ray and I talk about this all the time because of we travel together all the time

and we've traveled with people that we've dated. And it's like there's nothing more telling than like the travel. Yeah, because that's where like all these problems that you didn't plan for are always going to come up. And I just need to know you got. this. I think you just need to identify what your boundaries are and what you think is acceptable and normal. Maybe you're the kind of person that's just like, I'm the highest functioning person in the whole world and I don't need help. I don't want help. I'd rather them just like be hot,

hang out, fuck around. That's great. If you feel happy every day, I just, I look back at like these two very significant relationships in my life and I felt angry all the time. And I try to think about like how did I lead that person, what was my role in this? And I think the first time around, definitely we were just young. He was even younger than I was. And I just did too much. And I just did too much for him. I just like really pushed him. Right. Truly like the enabling, like you mentioned. I enabled it completely. It became this cycle of like he didn't even have to do anything because I would just take care of all of it. And that was really bad. And then this next time around,

I did less, but I still felt in this other relationship like I was just, I don't know, the amount of advice I had to give this person, it just didn't feel like I should have to do that with somebody this age. And I felt like I was mad all the time and frustrated. It's a really hard thing to communicate to a person. And I do wish I would have. You know, I wish I would have found a way. You know, I think so much of this show is just like, here's these mistakes I made and how I would have like made them better. And, you know, most people I don't think,

you know, weaponizing competence, I think is the term means they're doing this on purpose. Neither the people I'm talking about do this on purpose. I just think my eye let it spiral. I think that if I had just stepped back a little more. Some of the stuff was basic that they could have done. Yes. Like, where's the line? Like, because I don't think so many people that are,

that are weaponizing their incompetence are like literally sitting there like how can I get out of this? Like I, you know, at what point does it come part of your subconscious? Like you could do that. You could get the ox court out. You could do this thing. You physically could do it. You mentally could do it. You emotionally could do it. If I wasn't here, you would do it.

Yes. Like if I wasn't here, you would do it. You know, like, again, my, the people that I surround myself with are problem solvers. They're critical thinkers. They're doers. Like a problem solver is like the kind of person. We will always have work for us. We will always be in relationships with here on out. Belish, just an icon.

If every guy we date could just be like Bella. Actually Bella's height and Bella's abilities. So yeah, I mean, it's like I don't want to say that we're not talking about that today because that is the topic today and I don't, that's true. Really totally no. You know what I mean? Like they could have done it. You weren't asking to go perform surgery.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's true. And it's a problem for me because I do feel like it is quicker and easier for me to just take care of this for you. I know that I'll get it done right. but I'm not going to feel good about it after I've done it. So maybe we do let somebody fail a little bit. Because constantly doing something for another person becomes this self-fulfilling

prophecy of like, well, now I just have to. Yeah. And I don't want to treat a grown man or grown woman like an idiot. Like they can't figure it out. I don't want to be in a scenario where like I'm just going to go ahead and do it because I could do better and faster. And I mean, I would like to be with somebody who could do something better and faster than me.

Isn't that what's so nice about having a partner as they can teach you things? Right. And I mean, I do think in. healthy relationships, especially marriages. I know my parents, for example, and other couples that I know are, like, some people really hate to do stuff. Like, you know, I think that there are people out there that, like, I just never want to take out the trash. And I never want to do the dishwasher. Like, and that's a matter of sitting down and like divvying up, like, what needs to be done. And I mean, I think, again, like this book is a game changer. And there's things like that. You have a dog.

Like, you're like, well, you know, I need you to help me walk the dog more. Like, these are just open conversations with like the actual tangible stuff that you guys are doing around the house or when you're together. But the other stuff's a little more difficult. The other stuff is just like, I want you to be more functional in the airport. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, I don't know.

Maybe that's not your person. I mean, we can offer solutions all day long about drawing boundaries. And I think we've done some really phenomenal episodes about when you make more money than your partner, about feeling like there's a good division where like one person contributes. Maybe you contribute financially,

but the other person contributes so many other things to your life. You know, you guys, I give advice all day long, but sometimes the answer is just this is the wrong person for you and you're going to live in a world of anger and irritation if you're with this person and is the good going to outweigh the bad? You have to decide that. But for me, I just, I know that I'm never going to get out of my head about it. I'm going to be pissed.

It's just, it's going to be a losing scenario for both of us if I'm with people that aren't, like, do worse. Yeah. People that could pull their weight. Again, like I want to just, I feel like I just want to button myself up from saying, like, it doesn't matter if you've paid for everything. You just want somebody else to contribute. and if I pay for a whole trip, I'd like you to look up a couple restaurants in the area.

I'd like you to some ideas of what you want to do there. I want to feel like you appreciate what I've done for you. Or vice versa, if somebody's going to pay for a whole trip for me, I want to say, like, I've researched this whole area, and I found all this cool stuff for us, and I, like, booked tickets for this, and this could be fun for us, and you just want to feel like somebody else is contributing a little bit. Like, it's just, you don't want to feel taking advantage of.

I think it's important to draw the boundary and stick with the boundary. So I think that, like, a decision that you can make for yourself is like, I'm not doing X, XYZ thing anymore. you communicate it and you don't change. I think that's really important. Like if you say like, I will continue the dishes, but you have to put water in it.

I will ask you 75 times to do it. You have to do it. I'm not going to keep doing it for you. I think that's like the trick to changing this behavior with somebody. And if they truly won't, and if you feel like I can't have this conversation 75 times,

then I would reevaluate the relationship. You know what I mean? But a lot of this I think should be communicated and then don't get to a place where you're just like, I'll just do it myself. It's easier. It's not because long term it's not going to be easier. long term, I think it's going to be frustrating. You're going to resent a person. Yes. And again,

this stuff is really, of course, best handled without any sort of passive aggression or, you know, do this stuff with kindness. Like, you're not going to get anywhere nagging, being passive aggressive. However, if it just has, if you keep, you've tried the kind, direct roots and they haven't worked, of course, understandably so, you're going to start to get fucking annoyed. And it's going to just happen and we've all been there, but at least like start with a little nicer approach. Yeah. If I could go back and change, I would have just said things earlier and then I would have maybe just decided sooner. Maybe these aren't the people for me. And again, helping somebody at 25, 26 with their resume did not annoy me as much as like explaining to a 35, 36 year old man

how to rent a car. Like those are just different things, different ages. And maybe that's just not your person if you're like, I have to do everything. Yeah. And of course, like you said, everybody has a different type of background. Like, don't assume that someone, especially in their 20s, like, can do something. They may have never done it. Somebody may have never rented a car before you. You're not supposed to do it before you're 25. So like, don't get annoyed with those things too. Like, again, it's like lead a horse to water. Like if you can help people and especially make them better for the next one, like we always say, or just if that's your person that you want to continue the relationship with, like, of course teach them a new skill. That goes about saying too.

Like, everybody has a different life experience. They may have really actually never. had to do that and might need your guidance. Yeah. So we asked you guys, this one blew up. We asked on Instagram and so many submissions on this stuff. Like what did your partners do that was so crazy? I'll give you one of mine. Okay. I, again, this is my fault. I live with my ex. I used to like to pack for him and we'd go on trips. I did not pack for him for one trip. It was a wedding weekend. He just didn't bring shoes. No shoes. No shoes. To a wedding weekend with my friends. We had to go to Walmart in the middle of New Jersey, get him shoes. He just didn't bring shoes. He was like, she's not going to pack from me this one time. I'll show her.

Well, my ex, we went on a trip and he had a duffel that was mine that I let him use. So I had his luggage was mine. And in the breakup, he thought he was going to keep it. That was alone. That was a to me bag. He's like, Ashley, I can't have to buy. I'm my own luggage. He literally was so mad he couldn't keep the tommy bag. I was like, that was alone. Because you didn't have luggage. Luggage.

And I don't even know what you had and I don't want to see it. So he checked it. It was, it's big and it was his checked bag. And he had just thrown his laptop into the bag loose. Raw dog did in a suitcase. No sleeve in not even a suitcase, which I feel like a hard, like in a way or something hard.

duffel that's getting flown. Like, do you see what they do to those bags? His laptop, raw dog, just on top of his clothes, threw it in there like it was a hairbrush. I wouldn't even do that with a hairdryer. I wouldn't. Like with my straightener, I wouldn't do that when I could replace it. And hair dryer.

No, he, TSA went through his bag, like a bag, like a random bag check and wrapped his laptop up in some of his clothing. He didn't even think to wrap it. And wrote a note that said, we wrapped your laptop in your clothing. TSA was like, you're an idiot. If I ever opened up my luggage,

there was a note from TSA, you're stupid. Okay. That is so funny. I mean, some things are just like, God, what are men? What are men? Like, I couldn't believe it when I was like, I should ask him if he can bring a pet on the plane.

No, he was definitely asked. He has a pet. I've never had a pet. Why am I even thinking about this? When he couldn't get on the airplane, I was like, is this really happening? We're going to discuss, again, Lee Heseltine, a king,

among men, totally capable, but we have had a very strong water men situation recently with him. And I'm not going to talk about it right now. We're going to talk about it after Cindy's 70th. My dad has, he's off like the rails. Like, I don't even know what's going on. We'll talk about it. But I found myself saying water men about everybody recently, including Lee. Okay, so let's just go through a few of these submissions.

So someone wrote in quotes, I didn't even realize I was following and liking my ex's photos. Oh, fuck you. My boyfriend doesn't know where anything is in our kitchen. and therefore he can't put dishes away. I only cope because, quote, unquote, I don't know how to mow the grass. Okay, but listen. That sounds like a division of work to make.

But I mean, yeah, it's like you have to, you have to gauge, like another chapter in this book is that everyone's time is equally valuable. So just because you make more money doesn't mean your time is more valuable. You know what I mean? Like, totally at home, our time is equal, right? So I don't know. Like, how long does it take to mow the lawn?

Like, I'm never probably going to mow the lawn. So I'm like, is it my job that I just put the dishes away every night? Like if, like, that's a matter of like figuring out the equality between the tasks. Okay. So I totally agree. I'm glad that some people just pick jobs where they make less money. You know, a teacher is not going to make as much money as a doctor. Do I think the teachers don't deserve as much money?

No. Right. So when we're at home, everybody's timing the same thing. But this sounds at least like he's like the kitchen is yours and the lawn's mine. I agree. Like there's some tasks I don't want to do. And it sounds like it's agreed upon. But I mean, again, like that's my dad does the lawn too.

We know he's out on, he's out there in the bad boy. He's out there in the bad boy. But he needs to help in the kitchen too because it. kitchen's every night. Like, you can't just say like you're delegated to the kitchen woman because it's every night there's dinner, every night there's cleaning dishes and stuff like that. So I think the kitchen gets a little dicey. Because to say to someone, you're on kitchen duty is so much work. But again, maybe you have a big yard. Maybe the yard takes two hours every day and the kitchen takes 15 minutes. I mean, whatever. As long as you feel like there's a good division of work.

We got one that says this full grown ass man tried to tell me he did not have put a trash bag in the trash can. Are you, guess what's trash? You. What? That's insane. But again, like, if he's 21 and it's like he doesn't understand trash bag liners, show him, but anyone should be able to handle that one.

I just, I go back to this all this time. If I wasn't here, what would you do? You would figure out how to not die, starve. Yeah. Okay. He can't ever find anything in the grocery store so he can never go and not even for one thing. This thing makes me feel crazy. I just, men are not idiots.

You could read just as well as I can. Yeah. Listen, I understand maybe women are more detail-oriented and take their time more. But yeah, I feel like every person who's ever had a partner relates to this. That is so relatable because of the like, you know, baby one at 12 lemons. Like, they just won't get it right. Grocery shopping, the only excuse. Knowing that if they get it wrong enough, you'll just do it all the time.

The only excuse I find for this is that I'm very brand specific with what I like. And so, like, I do prefer to just go grocery shopping myself. Let's see. I'm just going to go through a few. My ex for five and a half a year said he didn't know how to do laundry. So I did it. So I like doing laundry. You know, I love laundry.

Like, sometimes you'll say a thing to me. It's not a thing I know about you. So I love laundry. And I did all my ex's laundry and I was happy to do it. And like, I had him do other stuff. So I don't want to take the trash out. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, I'll do your laundry.

You do this other stuff. I love laundry. Anyway, just had to say it. I'll enjoy laundry. Okay. My ex didn't know how to clean a counter insane. Someone said this is huge in trip planning, i.e. not being able to rely on them to look stuff up.

Okay, my ex, quote unquote, wasn't good at folding and putting away his laundry. The old, I'm not good at it and you are. Yeah. Making the bed. I forced him, showed him, and now he does it all the time. No more faking. I showed him how to make a bed. His mom probably did it for him.

I don't know if I could be with a guy that had to have the bed made. I'd be like, I don't know how. You know, I don't like to make a bed. I don't know about this either. I don't, you don't ever make your bed. okay, but my bed is just a duvet. Like, I just, I just, yeah, I don't have a top sheet. I just pull the duvet up at the day.

Yeah, it's just like, but I'm not making a bed and I never have and I never will. But you don't pull your sheet up at your, your duvet up every day and make it nice? I throw it up a little bit. But I also, my routine in the morning is like, I'm up, I open the blinds, I make the bed, but my bed is just a duvet cover. But, but yes, but like if I was with a guy that was like, Ashley, this is like a thing. And like, can you just like throw the duvet up when you leave the bedroom because you, you know, you get up after me and I hate coming home to a messy bed.

I'd be like, sure, babe. Yeah, it's a tiny... As long as you keep looking at my pussy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, her new bottle. I'm not going to say no if it's something that, like, isn't born. That's the thing I think is the most frustrating about so many of these things. It's like, it's a very easy fix.

It's just as easy for me to do what it is for you. Like, I just want you to do it. Just do it. But if, like, if I was dating somebody that was like, I'll even go to work and you're home and I need you to make the bed military style, I'd be like, Absolutely not. That's not in my skill set. I'll call Louisa.

Have you ever been in a bed, Louisa maid? You can't even get your feet down there. It is so tight. She is insane. No, but I've been to counters at hotels, Avis with her. I mean, she will not let up until everything is taking care of. No one is more detailed.

That's the other thing. Like, do, have you met, has the person met a certain standard and like your standards are so crazy high? Just check your standards. 100%. Like a lot of this is like a reflection on yourself. Yeah. We're all bettering ourselves all the time.

The old you clean so much better than me. My boyfriend did this when he didn't clean the bathroom, do the dishes, do laundry, etc. to my standards. And I told him that practice makes perfect. So I will show him next time. My dad claims he has never been grocery shopping and doesn't know how. My ex pretended to not know how to boil water slash cook at all.

I went up cooking or buying takeout. He also pretended he didn't know how to clean or really. do anything. Final solution, I dumped him. Yeah. I mean, how much longer are you going to bang your head against a wall? Did you know this? I feel like you're learning a lot about me. I started doing my own laundry at eight. I think my mom had some weaponized incompetence with shrinking everything. Cindy Hustle-Tine like shrinks everything. That's like her special skill set. And I was so tall, my pants were already like high waters anyway. And so I was just like, I have to start doing my own laundry. So I really got into laundry at age eight. But like, I wonder what it is like if you've had your

parent do laundry for you your whole life. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm curious, are you a 22, 23 year old guy that you have never done laundry because your mom did it and maybe you went to college where you could go home and she would do it? You know what I'm saying? I think I'm smiling because I also started doing my own laundry and I was like nine or 10. I had a single parent. Arlin and I were home after school by ourselves every day. My mom worked full time. My mom was a single parent. She wasn't going to take the trash out every day for us and clean our rooms for us and make our beds. My mom. My mom. got up every morning at 6 a.m.

Got us to school, drove us to school, worked all day long, came home, cooked dinner for us. Like, I just, I didn't have a parent that, like, coddled me. And she was like, you want a snack? Make it. You want your laundry done? You do it. My mom was like, you want me to start shrinking your shit?

You do it. I was like, maybe I will. She was like, and she needs to apologize to me. So, yes, I agree that I am a little more high functioning because I didn't have a parent that, like, was interested in doing those things for me. Because she didn't have time. She was a single parent.

And there are plenty of people that have had just somebody do something for their whole lives and have no idea how to do it. So for the parents listening, listen, I'm not on here. I'm not authorized to give parent advice, but make your kids do shit. Because the worst thing is that you do spoil your kid and do everything for them and then they turn into a non-functioning adult. I actually, you know, I think about my brother a lot because he is not one of these men at all. They're like, I can't do anything because Arlen also. If Arlen and I were making snacks after school, Arlen can cook because we made our own snacks after school. You can do his own laundry.

Like my mom just wasn't doing that stuff for us. I know. Well, we were in charge of our after-school snacks and then I ate a whole sleeve of Oreos. And my mom was like, we have to restructure the household because she's going to die. I ate 13 in one sitting. 13 Oreos. One time I went to Red Lobster, ate nine Cheddar Bay biscuits. Like before my meal.

My mom was like, she's out of control. You know my dad always saying to me even a train stops? I used to eat so much shrimp. I like quite stop. I would eat a whole cocktail ring. Everywhere I would be. My mom, like, shame. First of all, I grew up thinking shrimp was gold bars.

My mom acted like no one could afford more than three shrimps. When my high school ex took me to Red Lobster, I was like, he is rich. This is a rich king. He's taking me to Red Lobster. Are you kidding me? I bought a can of Crabtree. Am I a sugar baby? Are we so rich?

I think of crab meat at the grocery store the other day. $17. And I was like, this is crazy. You could just do that. My mom had me thinking that shrimp and crab was the most expensive, rare thing that you could ever find in the world. But it is, like growing up as a kid, like it is. It's a way higher price point.

You know, like, we weren't having that a lot. Now my parents eat so much seafood. We were just having sloppy joes. I will tell you what no one stopped me from doing. This is the last thing I would say about this. My after school snack was so disgusting. I would take white wonder bread and I would just put it on a plate with a ton of butter and stick it in the microwave.

And I would nuke it. until it was like falling apart. I feel like Kaylin. I'm like, this is my after-school snack. It probably cost 19 cents. No one was stopping me. All right. I can't.

I just, I'm glad we talked about this. It's something that's like I've thought about for a long time. And I think there's like so many levels to this and boundaries you can set. And, you know, at the end of the day, you can decide whether this is the right person for you or not. But some of this isn't so insidious. You just want help with the dishes.

others are like, I have to explain them out of a file for unemployment. Maybe you don't want to explain to somebody how to use a computer. Yeah. And again, like, we know this is different if you're, you know, 22 and dating somebody or if you're married and you have children. So, again, we recommended that book. And this is all over TikTok and there's so many resources out there. So if you feel like you didn't get what you needed from us, of course, there's so much out there to help you navigate your relationship with your

incompetent partner. Yeah, get out there, communicate your fake incompetent partner. All right, guys. Well, thank you for listening. You can find everything you need at GirlsGottyapoddypodcast.com. You can get merch. You can get tickets to shows

that there are still tickets remaining, maybe a few left for Toronto and some other cities. And you can follow us on Instagram at Girls Got Eat Podcast. I am Ash Hess. Raina is Raina Jack Greenberg and Girls underscore

I Gotta Eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.