Girls Gotta Eat - Inside the Open Relationship feat. Polyamorous Couple Malerie & Sam

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

We're so excited to open the convo about open relationships with Malerie and Sam, an awesome (and also hot) polyamorous couple. We ask all those burning questions (How does it work? Whose idea was it? Do you get jealous? What about marriage?), and delve a little further into trust and handling conflict in a relationship. We also recap Ashley's Mexico City trip and Rayna's NYE party flirt turned party foul. Enjoy! Check out Malerie on Instagram @Malerie_Day. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, check our website for tour dates and merch, and get extra episodes at Patreon.com/GirlsGottaEat. Thank you to our sponsors for this episode: Poshmark: Get $5 off your first purchase at poshmark.com, invite code GGE5. Zola: To start your free wedding website and get $50 off your registry, go to zola.com/gge. Ritual: Visit ritual.com/gge to start your ritual today. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And so do you talk about your other dates? Yeah, I don't ask nearly. I don't ask as much as she probably wants to tell. I like telling you about my dates. Welcome back to another episode of Girls That Eat. First one of the year. Happy 2019. Are we bringing the energy?

The energy? It's been brought in. I know Broughton was a word well into my teens. What is it from Bring It On? It's been brought. Oh. Broughton is not a word. know that. But I was like fully 16 when I learned that. It sounds like a yummy food. Brotten.

Does it? It sounds like it's rotten to me. Okay, you're right. Actually, sorry. I forget I said anything. Oh, brought and potatoes. Before we jump. It's been brought in this episode. What's going on today in this episode? Today, we have a couple, a polyamorous, open relationship couple. You're so excited. I wanted to. This is one that you really wanted to do. do. I've searched for them high and low for a long time. We found them, we brought them from afar. They don't even live here. We sought them out. My friend met her at a rave. They've been soughten. Yes. Yeah. Your friend Melanie met them in a rave. So anyway, guys, later in the episode, we are going to bring them in and they're super cool and we can't wait for you guys to hear what they have to say. But first, you know, I've gotten away from my weekly TSA is because we were bogged down trying to talk about our merch and our tickets. So I just want to say

the outpouring of reviews, ratings, and story tags from our last episode was amazing. It would be so incredible if you guys please keep continuing to do that. Leave us a nice rating if you have a minute on iTunes. Go on your Instagram story. Tag us to tell your friends about us. Be the first person in 2019 to introduce one of your friends to the best podcast on iTunes and Spotify as well. and anywhere you get your podcasts. We think. We're somewhere else, I'm sure. Whatever.

We definitely are. If there's someone you listen to podcasts and we're not there, tell us also, right? If you're like, I always listen to a podcast on this, but you're not there. Oh, yeah. But then you aren't hearing this. I think we're on. I said anything. We're on Google Play and our website as well.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can always listen on our website if for some reason something's down. But yeah, I mean, just to reiterate what your Raina said, this messages and the Instagram stories from the last episode, the 2019 Energy, were just so amazing. Like I feel like we really poured our hearts out on that episode and people gave it back to us.

Like we got messages like I, what, I went and asked my boss for a raise. I broke up with this friend. I broke up with my boyfriend or I strengthened my relationship with my boyfriend. I mean, it was so flattering and so nice. So keep doing that. And yeah, I also head over at iTunes too. And we're excited that you guys want to hear this stuff. I mean, obviously this is a dating and relationship show.

And we really leaned on a lot of things out there. of that, of course, for New Year's energy and resolutions in terms of weight loss, which obviously fitness is a huge part of Ashley's life. Okay, on that note, I did get a ton of DMs about health and fitness, and I put some stuff on my Instagram story, but I'm going to focus more on that in 2019, too. I'm going to get the best body I've ever had. So follow along for that. And we're not going to do a whole fitness episode because Raina would just sit there. You know, people ask me all the time, how do you stay so thin as a food blogger?

Yes. That is the, the two questions I get about One Hungry Jew is how do you stay thin and how do you monetize the account, which we talked about. But honestly, it's just portion control for me and it took me years to learn that because I would go to restaurants and restaurant tours are so excited to like show you everything in the restaurant and their menu and all of a sudden like I order two dishes and 15 dishes. I mean, you go out to you with me.

I want you to save this for an episode though. Now you do have stuff to talk about. Okay, guys, stay tuned. That's my summary of it. It's just portion control. It took years to learn it. But I think you probably have some tips there. So maybe for a future episode.

Now I'm really into this idea. All right, maybe we'll do that. Because that is the key. Like, I kind of had to learn it when I started cooking. I'm like, oh, this is how much you're supposed to eat. You realize how much they give you at a restaurant in America. And it's like they give you like three, servings for three people. It's shot.

At a lot of restaurants. Yeah. And when I got to you my friends, I order like seven appetizers. Then you get an entree. Nobody needs the entrees. Have a bite of each appellizer and a ball a line and be happy. Stop it. Stop talking. Now people are going to be freaking out. They want this episode. Let's do it. We'll do it. Okay. It's coming. And just guys, oh, okay, I just had to say this. I brought up this stuff last week that I drink and I just vaguely said it. It changed my life. I drink it every morning. Like you guys weren't going to ask what it was. And I didn't even bother even spelling it, saying the website. So I have to put it on my stories. But it is juice. It's juice with a C-H. C-H. U-I-C-E dot com. This is not an ad, but tons of people

DM to me. So that's what it is. Choose.com. You can get a discount with the code Ash 10. I don't make any money off this. I mean, they send me product, but this is a company that I just want to support and keep alive.

So choose.com, Ashton. Please don't DM me anymore. I can't keep up. So that's that. And yes, okay, now I'm super excited about our revenge body episode. I like this idea and I just like that that you guys feel like so.

forever. You are the expert on portion control. I am. I mean, you've seen, I mean, I don't have alcohol portion control, but food. I'm like, have two bites of food. Drink a bottle of wine. It's probably why my hangovers are so bad. But yeah, I like that like, these listeners are so great and they'll let us, like, do episodes about friendship and weight loss and things like that. But I love that. A listener actually DM'd with that.

She was like, you guys should do a health and fitness episode. You could call it like Revenge Body. I'm like, yes, girl. So I like that she tied it back into dating and relationships. Yeah. But I mean, when you get broken up with, like, that's the best I could ever ask for. Oh my God, I've never. I dropped like 20 pounds on my fiance. Like, that's, I feel like when Arana Grande says, I'm so fucking grateful for my ex.

Like, that's what she meant. Like, that's what I mean. Right. Like, look how good she looks. That's true. No, I am forever thankful to my ex who broke up with me at the end of 2015. I came into 2016. Hot.

Like, smoking hot. Same. I got kind of fat in my last relationship. Yes, you get fat in the relationship. You lose it when they dump you. Like, I remember early 2016. I still remember I'd do this ad for Target. night to post a bikini pick.

And my guy friend Bobby Corey, he goes, okay, has out here posting bikini picks Q1, 2016. Everybody's on a diet. And you're just like, look at me. I'm like, you get dumped. And this is what happened. I know. I wish that somebody would fuck with me in like the worst way possible. Like all my relationships are so good.

And I'm just like out here like wishing something horrible what happened to me. So I could lose weight. Well, girl, you've shown your pants for a week straight. So something did happen to you. It's been a sexy city. You shit your pants this year. I think you're done. Yeah, that was a lot.

Okay, well, this was a strong teaser for the revenge body episode. But, oh, and just to tie into that again, like always guys, follow us on social media at Girls Got to Eat Podcast and also us separately, One Hungry Jew and Ash Hess, not just because we want more followers, but honestly, that's where we post things first. We have to wait a week between episodes. So when announcements happen and things that we want you guys to know, they are going on our social media. So never miss a post.

Never miss the story. Also, you should just follow us. Obviously, you should. It's like, I don't know. We have 60,000 followers and girls can eat. Why do I only have 30? What are the other 30K of you doing? Now following me?

What's wrong? Why not? Yes. And for all of you that aren't following me, we have hundreds of thousands of listeners per episode. I guarantee those people aren't all following. We're going to do an analyzation of like the 60,000 of you that are following girls and which ones are not following both of us personally.

Because why? Because why not? We don't have jobs. I got all the time in the world. You know what? I don't even want to ask. They will DM us and time. I don't want to know. I don't want to know, but just follow us. Keep it to yourself.

We're still humble. We're not even verified. We're still out here humble on Instagram. If you work for Instagram. No blue checks. Why am I not verified? Every day. I apply. Okay. Wait, really quick, the Instagram abomination that happened on December 27th. Oh my God. Going through that. Were you guys awake for that? So it was 45 minutes. It was 45 minutes only. when Instagram changed their entire timeline structure, you would just scroll over or tap over like it was a fucking dating app instead of swiping up. Rain and I were, we were so shook. We were speechless, couldn't even talk.

Your mom was like making us breakfast. Couldn't even talk to her. Couldn't look anyone in the face. And then we, then we like sat with it for like 10 minutes and we were like, our whole worlds are crashing down. No, I was excited. I was like, all this free time, like I'm going to read books and travel.

And I'm going to like listen to other podcasts and all these things. start going to museums more often. I'm like pulling up timeout in New York to see all the things I'm going to do 45 minutes later, Instagram pay back. We were like, you know what? This is good. We have something else that's a source of income for us with this podcast. We're just going to, our lives are going to be more enriched.

We're not going to spend 18 hours a day on Instagram. We're going to read. And then it was like Instagram draws back the huge mistake they made, apologizes. And someone DM me that works at Facebook, Instagram, apologize personally to me. Did I tell you this? What? No. A listener,

DM me was like, Ashley, we're so sorry. Okay, well, why isn't she out here verifying our account? Right, right. Okay, girl, I'm going to DM her back right now. No, because I posted like a picture of dog shit on my Instagram story. It was like actual photo of the Instagram update. Well, we got through it.

It was a tough. The whole day, though, was like, it was an emotional showster. I know. I had like night terrors about it. That night. I was like tapping. I actually woke up in the night screaming.

Well, you posted something that just. tanked. Oh yeah, I got like 12 likes. Maybe you couldn't like any of the photos. Yeah, if you would go to like something, it would swipe to the next thing. A lot of people didn't experience this because it was literally 45 minutes in the morning. Like the West Coast probably wasn't even up yet. On Christmas. Yeah. To do two days after Christmas. Yeah. So if you guys didn't experience it, you're so lucky, you will never have night terrors again like we have and we hope you never have to endure something so horrible. We really, we've been through an ordeal. Worst day of my life. We got through it.

And last reminder, guys, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about our Patreon, just in case you haven't signed up yet. We get tons of messages about what will happen if Ashley or I get a boyfriend. How do we start this podcast? What were our careers like before this? What were our 20s like? So Patreon is a really cool platform. You guys can listen on your phone or on your computer.

It's a very small fee a month. There's a bunch of bonus episodes on there for you guys. So there's a whole bunch already waiting for you. We answer lots of questions about ourselves, and it's just like a really cool, relaxed vibe. So low fee per month. And we take like all these listener questions. Oh yeah, we take all of your emails.

Also, I forgot that's like a huge awesome thing. Yeah. So we just started to be able to do this stuff. We just kind of like roll with it. There's minimal editing. And so it's just really taking listener emails and talking about stuff that's not necessarily dating and related. But sometimes blow job tips.

There's some blow job tips on there. What we were like in our 20s. Yeah. Lots of blow job. to send that one. So yeah, it's a cool place to find your emails as well. You guys can find that at Patreon slash girls got to eat. Patreon.com slash girls got to eat.

Yes. On your phones or your computers. So anyways, that's all I have to say about that. Check it out. If you guys want to hear that kind of stuff. I want to get into Ashley's Mexico City trip because she just got back. I just got back. I was in Mexico City over New Year's.

I mean, it was just one of the best trips I've ever taken. I loved it. much. First of all, Mexican food is my favorite type of food. So I remember the first time I went to Mexico is like, I'm home. Like, this is the homeland. And so I had been so excited to just go to Mexico city and experience it. It's this massive city. And it's bigger than New York. And it's, you're not going to like Kankoon. You're going to like their major metropolis. So I had the best time. Like every single meal I had was incredible. I didn't get sick. Had so many tacos. Had so many incredible meals. Every bar we went to was awesome. It was one of those things like everywhere

where you stumble in was cool. Every coffee shop, every little place we went, the shopping was insane about this such great leather jacket at this place that DM'd me to come in. It was like this vintage shop, but they had these awesome leather jackets.

And this, it's so cheap. It's insane. The Ubers are $2. Like two American dollars. And you know, like the meals are just like, give us everything. I was like two entry energy.

We got to order everything. Yeah. Like we went to this taco place and I'm going to put a lot of this on my Instagram story just to recap. So if you guys are planning on going there, you can screenshot it. But this taco place, El Parnita, like, I was, like, $30 for the three of us. We got Micheladas. We had nine tacos. We had a tortilla. I love a tortilla. I love a sandwich. We had so much food. That's like 30 American

dollars. Everywhere I want was like that. And I just, at the best time, it's so beautiful. We did the Mexican wrestling. We hiked the pyramids. We walked through the park. They have a park that's bigger than Central Park. And with a free modern museum of art, like it was just everything we did was so great. And the service there is so unparalleled. I mean, that is truly the place where all the people there want is for you to have a great experience. Like, all they want is for you to enjoy yourself, sit where you want, have whatever you want. And I love that because I hate the American way of like people that just get off on like pissing you off or making you wait. Or really touristy places where they know you're never going to come back so they do not have to be nice to at all. Yes. You know?

Yes. And so I just hate like any sort of place that's like a top restaurant, not all of them, but some places that are like so snobby or the clubs in the States. Like there's just these people in the service industry that you just, they just want to piss you off. Like they just want to like be assholes and like it couldn't be more opposite. Every second time I went to the bathroom, somebody was cleaning it. I'm like, you guys want to clean between every person. Like they just want to make sure everything is sparkling clean. I'm just big on where I sit in a restaurant. I just want to have a good experience and have a good table. They were like, where do you want to sit?

Where can we like, we were outside at Contramar, which is an amazing place. And you went there, right? I didn't. I know what you're talking about. We did not make it there. We just were out. We were like sitting outside. It was like a two hour wait.

We just ran around the corner on the corner had margaritas and we came back and they had us outside. And then we were like, we kind of want to sit inside. And they were like, we're so full. We're so packed. We're like, that's fine. You know, we're fine out here. Next thing I know, they like, we have a table inside.

Like they just want you to be so happy. And I felt like that every single place I went, like I just feel like the Mexican people are the most hospitable and accommodating and kind. And that is part of the experience I think that makes it so great for me. And just really quickly, that's what enrages me that our moronic president has like tarnished the image of these incredible people and like don't even get me started in the fucking border wall. I can't even talk about like the insane idiosy of that. I hate to tell you this. The people that you are afraid of coming over the border wall are going to find a way over. I can't.

I cannot. But just being there especially made me so happy and also angered me so much more of like what the president has said about Mexicans. And so yeah, support Mexico. Go to Mexico City. I loved it so much. And the girls I went with were so incredible. I'm with Merrill, who I talk about all the time, obviously, in another girl named

Toral, who I knew before, but we got pretty close over the trip. So everything was just so on point. And we stayed in Airbnb in a neighborhood called Roma Sur. And I'll put all this on my Instagram as well, too. I'm going to do a little story of like the highlights and things to do because I saw a lot of people commenting on my post that they wanted to go and things like that. And we met a lot of guys. There was tons of Americans there.

Also, when we went over Christmas New Year's, like, that's holiday family time for the people of Mexico. They're traveling or they're with their family. So really, it was mostly Americans that were there. And, like, we met so many guys. Like we met guys from London, L.A., San Francisco, New York City. Guys from New York City actually talk to us. What a surprise.

If you are a woman, then you live in New York City. You start to feel like a pariah. You start to be like, no, why don't like, but we went there. We met all these guys. It's not cool to talk to you in New York. You guys will not talk to us in New York. Well, guys on vacation in general. Okay.

Yes. A, there's like a way to meet people. Yeah, there's like vacation vibes happening. but we met these two cool dudes from the West Coast. We hung out with them a bunch. Merrill's been texting with one of them. Toral had to take one for the team and talk to the boring guy. Someone asked you.

We talked to the fun one. She was like, if I, she was the only one that had their numbers and she was like, if I invite this guy to meet us at this bar, Jin, she was like, I'm not going to get stuck talking to him again. That's exactly what happened. I look over it. She's like, couldn't look more upset. Fucking hate being that friend.

He was hot, but he was so boring. You know, there's just like it's a non-starter. Every part of the conversation. It was so bad. And then I was like, oh, how bad can he be? At least he's hot, right? And he's interested in you. What more could you ask for as a New York City woman?

On vacation. Yes. And then I got stuck talking to him the next night. I'm like, oh, my God. Or is 15 minutes of the trip talking to this hot guy. So boring. Whatever. Being hot doesn't cut it anymore.

Fuck that. I know. It was bad. But, I mean, yeah, I just noticed. And again, we'd like met some of these guys from New York. One was like a friend of a friend that we connected with. Another guy we just met at the club on New Year's Eve. And I'm, like, still in touch with them.

We've been DMing. And I'm like, you get New York City guys out of their habitat and they can actually be pretty decent. Not pretentious douchebags. So anyway, you know what I really like about Mexico City is it's a city where you can really choose your adventure. So if you want like super crazy high-end luxury and they have that. And it's actually one of the highest concentrations in Bishlin star restaurants. Yeah. I mean, crazy high-end stuff.

So some of the best restaurants in the world or you can spend $5 a day and also go to markets, eat as well as you possibly can. We stayed at the St. Regis. It was like $240 tonight for the hands down the nicest property I've ever stayed out of life. We had drinks there before New Year's Eve. It's pretty, right? Yeah, it's stunning. But yes, you can have a totally different trip. You can stay in a luxury hotel and eat at all these fancy restaurants and get massages and do those things, or you can live like the locals do also where Airbnb was $80 American dollars a night. You know, that was super too. It was huge. It was nice. It was like this cool indoor, outdoor type of condo, right in one of the best neighborhoods. I mean, every day we just walked. And so also I love a walkable city big time.

For sure. So I just can't recommend enough. That's my perfect. I don't like to do vacations anymore where I just lay on the beach. Like I get bored. I can lay on the beach for a day. My whole life is a beach vacation. I put it on a bumper sticker. But so this was just, this was perfect for me. The weather was great. Great time of year to go because it's like 70 every day. Yeah, it got cold at night. I wasn't fully prepared. I don't know what my problem is. I bought a little. I like that I like went and vetted Mexico City for you like two weeks. I know. You came back and puked. I'm like, I'm going to head out. But I'm glad that you loved it so much. I'm glad that you had such a good trip. And it's really, I

traveling with girls, like, nothing will make you love a person or hate them to their core, like, traveling. I know. And I really, my travel style, I feel like people would maybe be surprised to hear this is just, I don't even know the word. It's kind of like, do nothing, bitch. Like, it's really, I'm along for the ride. I, in life, I'm super controlling. I'm super alpha on vacations. I'm like, you plan it, and I'm going to tag along. It's one of your best quality. They planned everything, except for the wrestling. that was my idea. But that was one of the top things to do. I cannot recommend the wrestling enough every Friday night in Mexico City. Everything else they plan, every single meal. I didn't even remember the name of any streets. They were like navigating. I just was like walking along.

I mean, I don't know. At some point I was like, do you enjoy that I'm so go with the flow or do I just seem lazy? It's vacation, Ashley. Vacation Ashley is so different. I loved being in Paris with you just let me do whatever I wanted. Yeah. I'm like, what time? I'll like sleep till noon or I'll get up at it doesn't matter. Like, I'm like, what are we doing today? You tell me. But I, yeah, so, all right, I'm done. This is a long.

I just can't, like, I just, I'm glad to do so much. I mean, I'm going back. Hello, like every, every quarter. I'm going to go as soon as possible. I lost so much weight from going there. Oh, great. But, yeah, and like a shout out to Marilyn Torrell. They're just really the best.

And that shout out to Toral for taking one for the team talking that boring guy, because once I got a taste of it, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I was here. I was here on here. Okay, yes. I was going to live. I was going to live my New Year's Eve truth and stay home. And then I was just, every year I'm going to live my truth.

And then I'm like, why am I doing this? When I light a candle and like sit there, like sit at home by myself, watch Netflix like I do every other night. Like, right. Like, there is kind of a reason to go out. I just, I hate it. I feel like it's like such a buildup. But I did my favorite thing.

My girlfriend had a party. She got a ton of food. Like caviar. Yes, like she's Russian. She's Russian, but she's also a chef. She worked at Italian restaurants. So she cooked a ton of food. We had a massive bar with everything you could ever want.

There was like 15 of us. They have a great rooftop also and it wasn't that cold on New Year's Eve here. You know it was like 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. I lived my truth and I met this guy. I didn't tell you this. So I meet this guy so cute.

At the party? At the party. Wasn't Jeremy? I only saw one guy at the party. It was the guy that I'd be interested in. And it's also weird because, like, I'm not used to, like, I usually know everybody that we all hang out with. That's what I was just going to say. How did somebody surprise show up? He was like a friend of a friend. He said he was cousins with my Asian friend. And I was like, so why are you not Asian? Like me, girls. Why are you white? Why are you white? But he was so cute and tall and he had blonde hair. And I'm like looking up in him. And he's so, so hot. And we talked for like a while. And I'm like kind of into this.

guy. And at some point I look down in the middle of this party in the winter at someone else's home and he's not wearing shoes or socks. What? And it wasn't like a take your shoes off house? Nope. Everybody else had like heels like New Year's Eve clothing on and he was sockless and shoeless. What? And it's just okay why? I don't know. It made my whole body like super uncomfortable. Wait, what? You didn't say anything? I didn't know what to say. Also, was inebriated. I don't know. I got like in my feelings about it and like left the room. And he's also so tall and I'm so short. So I'm never looking down at anybody. I'm always looking up. You're really close to his feet though because you're so close to the ground. Yeah, but I looked

up. But I'm great for a foot massage should you ever need one. Yeah. Down here already. I'm down here already. That's nice, right? I thought you were going to say blow a job, but you want a foot massage. You're really classy in 2019. I never. I'm still a full service shop. Okay. I will also suck you off while I've read your teeth. Jesus Christ. We're like, why are we single? Okay, this is, never asked anybody, never figured it out. Can you even see his shoes in the apartment? No, there were no like extraneous shoes. Great question. There was no extraneous shoes. They weren't by the door. Like, even the people who lived there were wearing shoes. And also, it's December 31st. Like, you need to wear socks.

It's cold out. The sockless is really perturbing me. Pouring down right. It was like a monsoon. Right. Like, what are you doing with that? It really turned me off. Like, can you imagine just the freedom to go into someone's house and just take your socks off? No. I'll just, well, my... Maybe in 2020, I will achieve that type of...

...2020 energy. I am going to guess that he showed up without socks and took his shoes off for whatever reason. I don't know. I don't know how to explain this. And also, yeah, you were... This was a new guy, so it wasn't... You probably weren't at the point to really neg him. I don't neg a stranger.

usually unless they start. Right. He hadn't started that dialogue yet. I am shook by it. I want to sit here and say that I would have said something, but maybe not. I think that like it didn't even, like, I was so shook by it. I think I asked a friend like later and she was like, I noticed that too. What? Who are you? What, what are you that everyone in this party is wearing shoes and socks? And you are barefoot. Just raw dog in the floor? What are you doing? It was jarring to say that. the least. All right. And when he left, I went home.

Not a love match. Not a love match. Anyways. Well, one of the guys that I met on New Year's Eve, we have been DMing about Doritos. So clearly that's my love match. Oh, my God. You guys are sexting already? He lives on like East 57th, though.

Oh, that's like a long distance relationship. It's not even up to east east. That's even worse. You know, I was up there yesterday? What is East 57? You didn't ask when I did yesterday. I watched the Japan Society yesterday. What?

There was an art exhibit. and I really wanted to see there. My God. Nice. Good for you. Thank you so much. 2019 for like one day. I do a bunch of stuff.

And I'm like, well, shewed all my resolutions. That is so funny. You're like, I do stuff now. You did two things yesterday. You went to the moth last night. And I got a manicure. And I got a new phone.

I had a day. And I ran into some guy who asked me out. Yeah. Did we want to talk about who he is? Because I know some of the listeners are still upset. The doctor, alleged doctor.

The alleged doctor, the DM, Dr. Diem. This is like three episodes in that you never went out with because you just assumed he wasn't a doctor because he was 27. I also just didn't, 27's too young for me, I think. And I just didn't want to be bothered. It was wintertime. It wasn't personal.

Anyways, he walked up to me when I was in line last night and was like, hey, I'm the doctor that DM'd you. The one that got away. I'm the one that got away. And I was by there. I was about myself last night. I decided to like go be brave. And like, Nikki Glazer said she goes to see a lot of comedy by herself.

I was like, I want to be brave like Nikki Glazer and go do that by myself. So I wanted to like go to a thing alone and just experience it for myself. And I really enjoyed that. But it's weird like when you run into somebody who you kind of ghosted and you're alone. Right. Then you're trapped. Did you, what was the proximity to him in the venue?

Did you talk to him anymore? No, but I was standing and he was standing. Because it's like half standing, half seating. And he was like pretty close. It's just like awkward because I'm a low. And like normally when I'm alone, like I will find a friend to go stand with. I usually know somebody in New York. If I'm in a room full of hundreds of people, I'll probably find somebody.

I know. Okay. You didn't even ask you this. Sorry, we have taught. We did text all day yesterday. I don't know why I don't know this. Did you find him attractive in person? He's cute.

Yeah. Would you go out with him? What? Maybe. You guys. I'm just not. All right. Let me just say this.

You guys DM Raina and try to convince him to go out of this guy. I'm kidding. I'll just get off Instagram. If you guys bomb me. my inbox like that. I'm kidding. Don't do it. I'm serious. Guys do not. You know they will. Anyways, I had a day. I lived a whole lifetime yesterday.

I did more activities yesterday than I did in all of 2018. Back to your old ways. Yeah, today I'm just going to get drunk at home. After this. What about Ostar? Oh, and you got a text from an X. So here's the thing. We talked about Christmas texts, but New Year's text also.

Sometimes if they don't hit you on Christmas, they try to slip in on New Year's. Yes. because it's like a new year and they think it's acceptable. You got one. I got two. One was like pretty acceptable. One was like somebody that we like sort of had flirted with going out a few times. I didn't really talk to him that much.

And he was like, can't wait to make memories with you in 2019. And I was like, is he serious? Yeah. But like nothing, there's nothing bad that ever like went down between us. So that's fine. My ex, who I like almost never talk about on this show, but I lived with for like a year and a half. Not your engaged ex.

Yeah. Before him, I lived with somebody for. quite a long time who cheated on me with like everything that moved. I really like destroyed me. It was terrible. Like everybody. Right. I never talked about him because I don't know.

We talked about him on the cheating episode. Yeah. I mean, that was like a year ago. Anyways, I haven't talked to this guy in like three or four years. We are certainly not like cool. Right.

Like I'm not mad at him. I don't harbor any resentment. But like I probably would not say hello to this person on the street if I saw him. He sent me like a happy New Year's GIF. Are you? out of your mind? Like what? In what world?

Like how does a man's brain think this woman that I should all over? Let me hit her with a gif. He had to like search the give out and find my phone number. What does he think he's going to get from that? What was I going to respond with? Thank God I hadn't heard from you in four years. I was so glad to hear from you. When you saw his name pop up, I mean, were you like,

like, it wasn't even like, sometimes you were like a physical reaction to seeing somebody's name pop on for your phone. I was just like, what? Right. Did I misread this? Like, what? I know. I would feel the same way if it was like that guy like that.

If the guy who like jilted me after our engagement texted me, I would be less surprised. Right. Like, yeah. It was very strange. And like, I just think it's interesting what men will do. Like, if a woman did that, like the police would be at my door in six minutes with a restraining order. Yeah. This is insane.

Women do not do that bullshit. Especially after years, we have so moved on. We do not do that. We don't try to recycle the trash like that. Right. Twelve guys have fucked me over since this guy. Like, why is he still reaching out to me? It's so bizarre.

But anyway, we thought we got away on Skaves on Christmas. We did it. But little did you know. New Year's. New Year's is the new Christmas. They creeped. That's why? Because I was like,

why are we out here in 2018 with the Merry Christmas? And they're like, no, we leveled up to New Year's. Yeah, that's how we want to start our New Year's. Some motherfuckers. Right. Leave us alone. I was lying under my birthday. Buffy Comforter watching crash.

C crashing? Crashing. Crashing is so good. That was a... I hope you guys have enjoyed this. 33-minute intro. 90-minute intro. Well, we... Are we... Is that it? That's it.

Guys, we are really excited today about our guests. We are doing an episode that I've been wanting to do since the day we started the podcast, and we've really looked for the best people to do it with. So today we're going to talk about polyamory and open relationships. We found an amazing couple to do it with. To do it with. We're going to film the orgy for everybody. We're going to practice the polyamory together.

You guys try to fuck now. Anyways, so today we have this, Julie, Mallory Day and Sam Stefanoic. Did I say it right? Yeah, you nailed it. Nice. So good at it. You almost said welcome to the studio, but it's welcome to my apartment. This is a studio.

There's microphone. Home studio. So thank you guys for being here. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for having us. Happy to be here. I really appreciate it.

Yeah. A terrible drive, but we made it and happy to do it. Yeah, you are the guests that have traveled the farthest to be on the show. I'm surprised. I mean, I guess, well, like specifically for this. I mean, like Heather came from Atlanta. Yeah, but she wasn't here for this. Yeah.

Anyways, we're really excited to have you guys. Right on. All right. So let's just like, let's get into it. You guys, you're in a long-term relationship, right? Two years. How did you guys meet? Well, I want to say.

You can start it. I like how you tell the story. So it was both of our good friends, Sarah's birthday party, which I didn't know at the time. But we were just going out and Mallory happened to be playing a show that night. And it was, I don't know, I just just starstruck. She was, I got to talk to her for about 10 minutes beforehand before she went on. She's like, oh, now I have to go set up and do all these things. And he's like, I missed my chance. I'm not going to be able to do it.

but I watched her play and I just I knew I had to ask her out after that and I'm really actually surprised that you did because I was hammered. I don't even think I played an right note on the guitar but I can't guarantee that it was definitely the most rock and roll performance I've ever given and I remember that and you asked me out after and I think that I said yes before you even finished your sentence. And so let's so let's back up what you were playing your guitarist or Yes, yeah, yes. Yes, I used to be in a rock and roll band called Wildlife. Okay.

And it was a three piece. I'm the singer, guitarist, songwriter. That band broke up a while ago. I've been doing a solo singer-songwriter act for a while now, and it's mostly folk music. Okay. And it's quieter vibes now. Then I was angry, and I got it out on stage.

And I totally loved it. Yeah, I don't know. He was into it. So, yeah. Her quiet stuff's great, too. Malie Day, check it out. Thank you, Sam. Stop it.

You crushed her anger. But, no, I think it was really wonderful because he actually asked me out to dinner, which is virtually unheard of. For some reason, fellas. I can't even text back. Dinner is. I can't believe it. It's like unheard of these days.

But I know I was really impressed. We went out to dinner the next night. Yeah, we did. It was lovely. Yeah. That's all I have to say about that. Thanks. So, okay.

Well, you're going to have to say, more. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, we want the whole story of how this came about. Like, had you, did you obviously hit it off at dinner right away? Yeah. And we, so this is both of our first, it was our first time exploring polyamory, but like we kind of decided it was something we wanted to do right off the bat. And we had a few friends that introduced us to the idea and some family members too that were familiar with that. So, and I don't know, it just seemed like a really good opportunity to like learn about ourselves and how to grow together. It felt really natural at the time.

Because I mean, the beginning of the relationship wasn't particularly, it wasn't super serious. It was just like, oh, let's explore this. And I was lucky where my sister is polyamorous and she has been for about 10 years or so. And now she's happily married. but still open. So I've had the opportunity to kind of learn about it and ask her about it. And we also have friends that have kind of opened up the doors for us. But at the time, it just was so nice to be able to explore our relationship and see where love can take you, really, which was cool. So I just want to, I can't imagine anybody doesn't know what polyamory is, but just in case they don't.

So you guys are in a committed relationship. Do you live together? We do. Okay, so you're a committed relationship. And Pollyamory just means like you're honest about sort of letting other people into the relationship. And that could be different for different people, right? So that would be like bringing in somebody to share it together or individually doing it. So it can sort of encompass a lot of things, right?

Yeah. It's kind of just the idea that you can love more than one person. And however that manifests in your life is kind of up to you. Is Pollyamory a like synonym for an open relationship? Are those a little different? Um, I don't, what do you think? It depends. I think pretty much a, at least for me, it's a synonym.

That's how I defined it as being open and being honest in your relationship of, yeah, just being in an open relationship. Okay. And I just, I still need more information on how, like, was this first date talk? I don't remember. I think, no, no. Were you dressed? Do you remember? I do remember.

It was, it was probably like two weeks into the relationship. Okay. Where we had gone on a couple more dates and not just dinner. but a few other things. So after that, Mal wasn't sure if she wanted to keep going on like monogamy type dates, but she wanted to explore the idea of being open. And we talked about it, and I wasn't sure at first, but I was able to like sit back and kind of process it.

And it seemed like just an amazing opportunity to really learn about myself and learn about Mallory and what we could bring to each other. There's a lot of like the foundation of, so polyamory and non-monogamy are a little different. non-monogamy is the idea that you want to be able to be free to see multiple people, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be like committing to communication. And I don't know, I think that for me, that part was really, really important. Like having open communication and building trust and being open about that and never hiding anything is like the foundation of polyamory for me. And it takes a lot of self-awareness.

It's like you have to know yourself and what's happening. and kind of had to deal with that. Had either of you ever been in any kind of open relationship before with anybody else? No. No. No, I've done. Okay, so this is like your journey together. Yeah.

Which I think is really interesting. Who said it first? I think it was me. Because I like the idea of like, you know, understanding also that one person cannot meet all of your needs and that is okay. And it's like being able to accept. that is wonderful. Absolutely. And it's hard at times accepting that.

It's just like, oh, I wish my partner can meet this need or that need. But, hey, there are these other needs that are getting met. And, like, I have the freedom to open my heart to someone else who might meet those other needs, too. I feel like, I'm so overwhelmed with questions. Really? I mean, you can keep going. This is your show.

We have time. I did think of something I wanted to say. And, you know, I think it's interesting the evolution of relationships and, like, what we used to ask of our partner and what we ask of our partners today. because like in the 1950s, 60s, like men asked of their wife to be a baby factory, including the house and have dinner. And, you know, men understood their role as like the breadwinner. And that's what you wanted from your partner.

And you went to work or talked to your friends if you wanted, like, social engagement and entertainment, things like that. But I think today we ask so much of our partners, they're supposed to be like, you know, our safe place, but also somebody who's exciting. And, you know, we asked somebody to be the smartest, but also the most interesting. And, you know, your sexual vixen, but also, like, I don't know, I think we ask so much for a lot today. It's a lot of pressure.

It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure to ask of one person. I'm curious if, well, I guess we can get to this, like if you feel like some of the pressure's off because you're like, well, I can't do that, but this other person can. Like, I don't know. Sometimes.

Not all the time. Definitely sometimes, but you also, I think being polyamorous helps me want to be my best self for Mallory. Or for anyone in my relationship, a lot of it is. For yourself. And for myself, but just it helps me bring out my best self because I know that other needs can get fulfilled in other places for her, but if I can continue to, like, be my best for her and provide the most I can, it's just like,

it makes me feel more fulfilled and I think it helps her as well. So when, when Mallor, when you, like, brought this up and you'd had been thinking about it because your sister and these things, was it like, let me think about this or was it like, absolutely, let's jump in and then kind of how did it start from there? or how did it, what was the first? I also want to know how your relationship works. I mean, that's kind of like, yeah, because everyone has different. Do you have other, just too many questions?

Okay, start from there. Were you like hesitant at first or were you kind of like, yeah, let's do this? I think because I've heard of it before, I was not so hesitant. I was like, all right, let's at least try it. It's not going to hurt to try. We can be flexible too. We can definitely be flexible. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that. That's true. You're like, wait, is this a prank? It's a test. That's exactly what I would be thinking. If I'm honest about this, is she going to leave me? This is a trap. Right.

No, but I like the idea that it can be flexible and, you know, we can move in and out of, you know, polyamory are being open depending on where we're at in life. And honestly, we're not always dating other people. I think that was going to be your next question. Like, what do you guys? Well, we want to map off parameters in how you guys. Yeah. Yeah, because you think dating and, you know, only really open relationships I feel like I know about

or I've heard about are ones where it's just they can have sex with other people, but there's no dating relationship. It is stemmed by the guy just wanting to fuck other people. That sounds like non-monogamy to me. Like consensual non-monogamy. Yeah, exactly, which is valid, but it's different. Okay, cool. So that's why I'm really so intrigued by your relationship because I've known nothing.

Yeah, so. Sorry, go ahead. I was just going to say, I forgot, go ahead. Now my mind's blank. I have a bunch of male homosexual friends, and a lot of them are in long-term-term-committed relationships, but all of them, like everybody that I know, I'm not saying every single gay person, but of my really close gay friends in long-term relationships, they do have like a non-monogamy where they'll sleep with other people, but they're not dating other people.

And a little bit more, sometimes you hear of it just, it's a little bit more don't ask, don't tell. Like it's like, I don't want to know the details. Yeah, that's a different. That's a big difference. So very intrigued by the, what you guys have going on. Yeah. What was the first thing that happened in the relationship to create this?

Who was the first? Was it one of you guys found somebody else that you were interested in? Or how did it start, I guess? Yeah, yeah. In the course of our relationship, nothing has gotten really more serious than casual dates, like a few casual dates. And I've slept with maybe one or two other people, but that's it. And I think that that's just kind of how we are.

And I think that breaks the stereotype that a lot of people think about, like polyomorous couples are always seeing other people. people or they're in a thruple or something. And I mean, that hasn't happened yet, but it's not that it won't ever, but, I mean, there's a freedom to have more long-term committed relationships, like to have more than one partner. We're open to that, which just hasn't happened yet. Yeah, I know at least for me, I think a couple months into the relationship, I found someone

else that I wanted to try and date and went on a couple dates with her, but she wanted it to be more, me more committed to her and it just didn't really work out. Right. It's not for everybody. It's hard to find the person that's going to accept that as well. That wants to be a part of, like, you not being able to commit fully to them or whatever it is. Do you guys have, is there an agreement or something that you're kind of each other's number one? Or could that change at any point? I mean, you live together. So that's kind of, yeah, we're committed. We're committed. I mean, that's the way it is right now. I mean, we're definitely open to the possibility of change, but definitely right now, it's something that we're committed to each other and we are like each other's primary.

Are you scared that they're going to find somebody else? So I think that's probably everybody's number one fear is like personally, I don't know that monogamy is natural. And I don't know that it's natural to expect one person to be everything to you. And I think that a lot of people are probably like, yeah, I could sleep with somebody else, but I couldn't ever allow my partner to do something like that. You know, I know I could control it, but I don't trust them. So, like, I think that the fear is. you know, how do you control the feelings? How do you stop it?

What if you're so jealous? Things like that. Right. So then we inevitably will start to talk a little bit about like jealousy and insecurity and what that is because that's really important. It's seen as something that you, jealousy is a symptom of a problem, not the problem itself. It's a cue that something's awry.

Like it could be in yourself, in your relationship or whatever, some kind of insecurity, like that you have to work out somehow. And I think that that's not the reason why I like what we do because it kind of forces us to be constantly on our game with each other. Like if there's any kind of like riff or weakness in the relationship, we have to kind of jump on it and work on it, like figure it out. That forces a lot of communication between us. And it's not bad. It's not bad that it's forced, but it's nice that the communication stays open and we're able to pretty much talk about anything when that jealousy arrives or if you feel. Yeah.

And so do you talk about your other dates? Yeah, I don't ask nearly. I don't ask as much as she probably wants to tell. I like telling you about my dates, but I don't think he likes to hear it. But he's free to tell me, no, I don't want to hear anymore. I do want to hear about it. I just don't get all the minute details about like, oh, we did this and this. Yeah.

I'm not getting all those details. It's always, like, initially there's like that jealousy feeling, the inadequacy feeling of like, I'm not good enough, whatever it is. But when it comes down to it, I'm just because I love her. I'm so happy that she found someone that makes her happy. That's the really beautiful things. Oh, my God, it's so progressive. It's so crazy.

It takes a little work. It's like not that hard to attain if you have the self-awareness and you're able to kind of transform. It's just to look at things differently. Like seeing your partner happy with someone else doesn't have to be a scary thing. It might be at first, but then if you work through the insecurity and realize that like I can't meet my partner all my partner's needs and that's normal and like you know whatever's going to happen is going to happen. I'm interested in this because we had a

comedian on named Nikki Glazer that she was in a committed relationship but she liked her partner to hook up with other girls and hear about it. It was like a turn on for her. Like when they fucked, she like talked. She like, she like, talked. Did he like that too? Did he like that too? Was he into it too? He was like, is this a joke? Is this a joke? But I think he just he just did it for her. He just was like, I don't have to go get my dick sucked, but I guess I will if it's going to turn you on to hear about it. Sacrifices that we make. But is that, do you guys feel like that? Like, do you get turned on hearing about him with other girls? Or do you want to or do you not care? I'm kind of indifferent in that way. Like, I don't have any, like, weird kinks or anything.

But, like, maybe someday we'll get to have a threesome. But we all want to, we got to all be on board. Like, I don't want to ever push in any way. So you're not bringing other people into the bedroom together at this point? Not yet, no. Okay. Maybe not ever we don't really know. Yeah, we don't know yet. We're still exploring, like, even in two years, there's so much more we can explore

about our relationship. Yeah. Can I, I think we said this, but I'm forgetting that how long have you guys been together? Two years. How old are you? We haven't said that. Are we allowed to ask you that? I'm fine with it.

I'm 31. I'm 27. Okay. Yeah, we forgot to ask you how old you are. Well, I love that because I have a strong feelings about a three-ish year difference between when the woman is older. I see the relationships thrive. I mean, you guys are four, but it's kind of, that's my, I think that's the mark to hit.

Yeah. Do you, when you go out on dates with other people, do they know in advance or do you tell them right out, like at the beginning of the date or how does it happen to me? I told her the first day. They were like pretty much at dinner. Yeah. Again, I took someone out to dinner because that's what I do. It's not a texting thing.

But I took her out to dinner. I was like, well, I'm in an open relationship if you want, we can end dinner now and we can go home or do you want to kind of explore this a little bit? Yeah. And how are you like meeting people? Are you seeking this out like on apps? No, I just, if it comes naturally, I don't really use like Tinder or whatever. Yeah.

Like you see a girl that you're interested in. Yeah, and I'll go talk to her. That's generally what it is for me. Yeah, I'm not actively seeking usually. Like I might go through like a phase where I do want to seek. But I'm the social one. He does, he's not very social. And I'm a musician.

So I'm always out meeting new people. And so it's more likely for me to just happen naturally. Yeah. Is there really a main thing that you're looking for? I don't know how to say this right, but is it sexual or is it just kind of the thrill of meeting a new person? Or is it that you just enjoy getting to know somebody and being kind of flirty and those feelings that happen in the beginning of relationship? Or is it all of the above? Or, you know, I'm kind of curious what prompts you to, you guys to want to see other people.

I guess I'm personally not in it for sex so much. I'm really in it to develop a relationship with someone. That excites me because, again, I'm not the social one. So when I meet someone that I really want to get to know and I develop those feelings, that's what I want to keep pursuing. It's not for everyone. For me, it is, it's less about sex too. It's more about just like love is abundant and my heart's open and I want to, I always

want to have the opportunity to have those feelings. Those new feelings. It's so special. He meets someone for the first time. I'm thinking like, I'm, my brain. I'm hot. Who? Seriously.

I fuck you both. Jesus. But I'm just sitting here thinking like, I mean, my brain is just like, could I do this? Could I do this? You know, because I feel like I'm a crazy jealous person. Okay, so I read this thing. I wanted to read you guys. Okay.

So we get, again, a lot of emails about nomogamy, but also like, I mean, it's usually like, my boyfriend wants to fuck other people. And I don't know if I'm ready for that. It's like, your boyfriend's a dick. That's usually what we get, though. You know, am I not adventurous enough because he wants to do this and I don't want to do this? And, like, I don't think it is anything to do with being adventurous. It's just you do what you're comfortable with.

So I was sort of trying to understand why there was such a rise in this. So I read some statistics today on Google that said that polyamory is the fourth most search for a relationship topic on Google. So just behind, can I make a long distance, relationship work, how do I change my relationship status on Facebook, and how to build trust in a relationship? So relevant. All those things.

The Facebook thing is like the really hard question. What do you think is even put on Facebook? I'm kidding. Nobody's on Facebook anymore. What is Facebook? It's old news. I think that there's also been such a huge rise in, like, bisexuality and people that are any gender and people that are identifying very differently gender and sexuality, and there's

such a rise in it, so people are interested in it. I was just curious if you guys, like, what do you think? Like, why there was such a rise in something like this? I think it has a lot to do with how much relationships have been shifting over the past couple generations. You mentioned, like, thinking about the 50s. I think about this a lot about how marriage has changed, just relationships in general, women, women's rights, women's liberation, I think, has changed the face of relationships recently,

like hugely. We're realizing that, you know, it's not all about gender roles anymore. Right. So I think that has a lot to do with it. I do find it unfortunate that a lot, it's a lot about consent too. Like what you asked earlier about do I always let people know right away because I think that's part of consent.

Like knowing what you're getting yourself into. And. Yeah. I had to be if I was on a date with somebody for two hours and I really liked them. They were like, I have a really serious girlfriend I live with. Right. By the way. By the way.

Yeah. And not everyone's comfortable with it. Dudes too, not just chicks. Like I've gone on a couple dates where guys are like, I can't really move forward with you because I feel uncomfortable with it. I'm like, that's fine. But, um, I mean, yeah, I mean, just thinking about the male ego, it's just like, you can't share you with somebody.

You know, I can think of a lot of guys that wouldn't be okay with that. Right. And not everyone's going to, it's not for everybody. Right. Because I've done a ton of work. Like, I've been working on myself for years, many years so that I have that self-awareness and I'm able to kind of look inside and be like, what's going on. Like, I can work through this insecurity.

Yeah. Because I've learned how to love myself. Like, I did the work necessary. to do that. And so many people are still on that path. For sure. So it makes sense. It's unfortunate to hear these stories about men that kind of all of a sudden

want to be like, oh, I just want to fuck other chicks. Right. Because it's not, I don't know. I mean, yeah, sexual awakening. Yes, sex positivity. But also, like, really check in with yourself about why. Like, what is it really that is driving you to want to do that? Is it connection?

Is it moving you towards connection or away from connection? Is it just about sexual gratification? How is it going to affect your relationships? These are all things you have to think about. Right. And weigh out the pros and cons. I have a few questions. Do you just, are you both heterosexual, completely?

Not completely. Okay. Yeah, I am. Okay. Okay. But that's not. That's still something I'm exploring. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm open to talking about it. Do you go on dates with girls? I have always. Only gone on a date with a girl once. Okay. Yeah. So, still a newbie in that department.

You've told me that you've wanted to, though. I've wanted to, but it hasn't happened. It's coming along. It's coming along. It's coming along. Thanks, Sam. You're welcome. Sam, would you prefer that she date women?

No, I really, it doesn't matter to me. I think he got equally as jealous when I hooked up with a chick. That's interesting. Yeah, because I can see a guy being like, yeah, I'll do this, but you've just got to be with a chick. Yeah. Like, just having rules in general is kind of like... Well, and that's a big question we have is your rules and boundaries. I mean, I don't know. Do you have some? I mean, we do have some. There's not really many right now. It's really just about keeping our safe space.

Keeping our literal space, like our bed, our apartment, kind of like ours. It's like a neutral zone, I guess, where only we kind of inhabit, but... That's more kind of energetic, I feel like, just because we want to have, like, a little space that's ours. Yeah, for sure. But having girls in general, I think it's good to check in with like, why are you having that rule? Is it stemming from insecurity or what? But it's also like okay to have rules too, I think. Right.

Respect everybody. Yeah, and that's the thing. I was listening to this podcast, and it was actually because I went on a date with this guy that did the open relationship thing. And I just didn't feel like it was for me, but he was on a podcast that he talked about it. And to me, it just sounded like, yeah, he just wanted to like fuck other girls. And eventually she kind of got on board with it. But, you know, their rules were, I think, like, you always come home at night or, you know, things like that. You're really worried just about this.

That sounds restrictive. Right. To me. Right. And it sounded like it was just because this guy needed to be sexually fulfilled in another way. Do you guys have anything like that or if, like, you spend the night with somebody else, it's fine? I mean, yeah, it's been pretty fine so far. I haven't.

Obviously, when waking up and your partner's not there is tough, like there's a lot of, you get a lot of that feeling in the morning, or at least I, do. But you do kind of, that's part of the process of working through. That's part of the work that you have to do to learn to like love yourself and get over those feelings of jealousy and the inadequacy again. Can I ask you a question? Why do you need to get over those feelings of jealousy? Just to play devil's advocate. It's not, maybe not, you don't have to, but it just, again, it comes back to knowing that you love the person and no matter what they're doing, As long as you're open and honest with each other, the love is still going to be there, and that's not going to change.

I think jealousy is really important. It tells us really that something needs to happen, and maybe it's a little reassurance that you need from your partner. It's okay to ask for that. Yeah, I mean, I don't feel afraid to admit I'm jealous and I'm feeling insecure, and maybe I need a little reassurance about your feelings about me, it, whether you're still attracted to me, like, even though it sounds like, oh, I shouldn't need that, but like, it's okay to need that.

And it's about the trust you have your partner, right? You should feel, at least I want to feel like I can trust you and I can come to you with those things and not feel bad about it. Yeah. Well, it sounds probably like, I mean, the main, it sounds like as far as what I know about people that have done a ton of transformative therapy and everything else is kind of like just breaking down your ego where everything stems from. You know, like working.

working through like, why do I feel this way? Is this all just because of my ego? And attachment. It's like the fear of losing attachment, I think. But yeah, if we're going to get transcendental ego and being able to kind of just observe that and be aware of it. Like the ultimate, I think, is my friend,

and we've had her on, Kelly, she is a medium. I mean, she's an insane, like, terror reader and she can talk to dead people and all these things. She just has a background on like social work. So she's also just like really interesting to talk to about. She's done a ton of transcendental work and all these things. But, you know, I've gone to her before and had to been like, I'm like, you know, you're freaking out that your ex is dating somebody, but it's like you don't want to be with them. So that's only your own ego. It's like that all it is is you feeling rejected and you feeling like someone

isn't choosing you. And it's so unfair, you know, and I think women and men get in this thing of like, you know, jealousy. And but it's like you don't even want to be with that person anyway. This is only your own shit. And it's so empowering to be able to take responsibility for those feelings rather than put them on someone else. Right. And that's like, then you're in control

of like what you do with those feelings rather than putting them on someone else and saying like, oh, it's their fault. Right. Because then you're not empowered. Yeah. And I, and I, it just, it still boils down to like if you really do love and care about somebody and you're not letting your ego take over, then you want them to be happy, even if it's with somebody else. Absolutely. What's behind the ego is love

and expansiveness and abundance. So, I mean, I'm a therapist. Did you guys know that? I literally am. Like, I literally am a therapist. Yeah. I was waiting to drop the bomb at some point.

Yeah, I'm a life. I have a private practice and everything. We'll have you stay after. You can talk about all we're single. Actually, let's talk about us some more. We have this problem. I have this problem with the show where we just jump in with people because we're so interested and we, like, totally forget to say what you do for a living and how old

you are. I figured it would come up, honestly. I was like waiting for the right rock star. I don't know. I told you this. I'm sorry. Anyways, you're a therapist. I am.

What do you focus on? So my degree is in holistic counseling. And I'm a licensed mental health counselor. I have private practice and I do a lot of mind-body kind of connection work and trauma work. Do you do kinesiology? I don't know. I don't know. You don't know.

You don't have to work? I know my friend does it. Kelly does it. It can be like art therapy. You don't know? No, it's like body stuff. I do. I do.

Moving energy. So I don't do energy work, but I do body-centered psychotherapy, which is kind of hard to explain in a nutshell. But, you know, the body is emotional. And I kind of can help people use mindfulness and body awareness to help navigate through like core beliefs and process emotions and work with the inner child. Right. And that's what we talked about a lot with Kelly. Because, I mean, she's kind of been my life coach and she's done so, so much work.

But a lot of that is like how you feel in your body. If you know someone, somebody that you should be with and the feelings of like discomfort and when someone feels safe and that kind of thing, I think that's huge. Then we tell our listeners all the time, it's like listen to your body. It will tell you how you feel in a moment. It's huge. So I like this idea of not, and I want to talk about it a little more with you guys, about not asking one person to be everything to you.

And I had this relationship with somebody for about three years. And this is going to sound mean, I don't care. Fuck him. It really was a good relationship for three years. He was a great person and a great partner to me and I really trusted him. And I mean, if he went out until 5 in the morning, he didn't check in with me, it never would have occurred to me that he was doing something behind my back.

He really was, I loved him very much. He just, he wasn't smart. Yep. He just didn't like. That I'll catch up with you. I didn't challenge me. Yeah. I look back at the relationship and I'm like,

I didn't try out. I didn't read, I didn't watch documentaries. I didn't, like, I wasn't like a citizen of the world. I didn't, because my partner was so stupid. Yeah. And I remember I would have conversations with friends or my brother, especially who I think is so brilliant. And I'd get off the phone, I'd feel really, like, intellectually fulfilled.

And I wasn't getting that from my partner. And I kept thinking, like, what, like, am I so rotten that, like, this is, like, a problem for me, what's wrong with me? But, you know, I had all these things I wanted from him, but I just, I was missing this, like, one component, which, yes, obviously is, like, a really big component. it from somebody. But I thought a lot about, like, is it fair if you're getting all these amazing things from one person? You're sexually fulfilled and you feel like you trust them. Like, if you're missing this one thing, is it fair to really ask anybody to be all those

things? Because I've had people in my life that were really smart and dynamic and I fucking hated them. So, you know, the one thing, like, so I just love for you guys to talk about, like, it's fair to ask all those things of somebody. I think it's about, even if you can't fulfill it, it's still about putting in that effort. Like, if he's, if he's not going to challenge you intellectually, he still needs to try and act smart. I'm not the smartest person. I don't always connect with Mallory when she's going off on crazy things. Why should you shake her eyes?

We've been through this a couple times, actually. I do try and it's always about when that does come up. It's about her communicating to me that I'm not meeting her there or not meeting her in that space. And then like trying to kind of adjust how I think and how I feel. Or at least just being able to talk about it. Yeah. And just accept that, okay, this might not be where we're going to connect, but it's okay.

Like we still love each other and want to make it work, right? And we're not going to meet all each other's needs. Like, I'm a really spiritual, creative person, and Sam's more hands-on, and he's a home body and wants to kind of hunker down. And I have parts of me that love doing that too, but parts of me that need to go out and create and, like, connect with like-minded.

souls in that way. And sometimes we kind of like hit that and it doesn't feel great, but then we're able to talk about it and work it out. And it's fine. We accept it. What are your thoughts on marriage? Or what do you, is it just like stupid? Like you're like, that's the stupid construct.

Is it just stupid? I don't know. I'm curious. Like, what do you see in your future? Marriage is a construct. Like monogamy is a construct. So that's a question. It's a really good question, which I grapple with a lot.

I don't know how I feel about marriage. Like, there's this part of me that, like, once the fairytale wedding and, like, once it has this image of, like, a family unit, like, really solidly connected through, like, that construct. But then there's another part of me that's, like, well, marriage was created because women were property and why? And it takes, like, so much money to get divorced. Like, what if it doesn't work out?

And it's, like, just stressful. So, I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. But do you guys, like, your thoughts on kids and things like that? like that? It's something that we've definitely talked about. And I personally, I'm not afraid to go forward with marriage or anything like that. It's something that we have to build to, obviously. But just because you're married doesn't mean you still can't be open. Right. You can still bring in other people. You can still love more than just your one partner or

your child or anything like that. There's still opportunity. Just because you're not married doesn't mean that you don't have a really amazing connection and great relationship. I was just curious if that was kind of part of the... It was a suggestive. Ashley and I sort of like differ in what we want in general. Like Ashley would love to be married, but she doesn't necessarily want kids. And I'm sort of the opposite. Like, I really do want kids very badly, but like marriage is sort of like a negotiable for me.

Right. I'm with you on that. But like I, you know, I don't know yet. But I know I definitely want kids. And we've talked about that before too. So I feel like what you guys have, I'm thinking that you just like breathe easy because it's all in table. Like you don't, it's not this. tight feeling that women have of like, what's he doing? Is he out with somebody? You're like,

he might be and that's fine. It almost feels like it's a sense of relief as what, and you guys are very evolved clearly, but we have a ton of younger listeners that are in their 20s and they're just in relationships that they're probably just like terrified every time they don't know where he is and things like that. And so I imagine you guys just obviously don't have to worry about that, but just can kind of, you don't get that type of feeling. Yeah, not at this point. I think maybe when I was younger I would have. But it's like if you're building, if you have trust in the relationship too,

there's never any reason to feel scared. Like I know that if I need to talk to him about something that I'm uncomfortable with, I can. And we do. What was your relationship history before? I literally was just going to ask that question. You guys are like on the same wavelength. I have been in long-term monogamous relationships forever.

Well, not forever. Since college. Not in high school. Like one after the other kind of? Pretty much. Like, not a lot of time in between. Like, the longest I went single probably was like six months. Oh, lucky you.

I don't know. I don't know why it happened like that, but it did. I don't know. I didn't really date that much through high school or through college. I kind of started casually dating a couple. couple weeks or a couple months here and there. But nothing of a really crazy long term. I think the longest thing was probably six months and then it would kind of peter out and that was it. Okay. So you guys are the exact opposite. Yeah. Totally. I was only single for six months. He was

like I was only in a relationship for six months. Do you think that there's something about him that allowed you to ask for this in this relationship that you probably thought about it before and you didn't ask your other partners? I think I hadn't really thought about it before. I think it was a combination of like I finally got to this time in my life where I felt secure in myself and it took so long, but it happened. It's possible guys. Just stick with it. Keep doing the work. It'll happen. But then it was kind of like I met him at the same time and he just made me feel really safe because he communicates really well, which is also very rare but attainable if you try. And so that communication is really like it's key. Like if that wasn't there, then I wouldn't

be able to do it. And your sister, right, isn't it? Yeah, her and her husband. They've been married about a year, but before that they were in an open relationship for two years before that. But nothing really crazy. I think they both are casually seeing someone like here and there, but nothing really totally serious. But I had at least known about it and I've talked to her about it before. So yeah. Did she share it with you or did you ask? She kind of shared about, like shared with me and then it was me asking every little bit, a little bit more, a little bit more. It wasn't anything she wanted to fully divulge all the time.

Okay. But I don't think our parents really know too much about it. I know. I don't want to get too personal, but are your parents still married? They are. They're a similar situation to you where they've been married 35 years, 30 years and still happily married. So do they know, kind of? I don't know.

It's not something we really talk about. My mom is really, like, innocent, so I don't think she really wants to know. I get it. I get it. Yeah. I don't know that there would be a reason to tell my parents. If I was just casually doing something here and there, like cocaine or something, I don't know if that would have mentioned that to my mom.

Hey, dad. Oh, for sure, yeah. I tried telling my dad, but he, it's so far out of his scope of understanding. He's just like, no, that means you guys aren't serious. And I'm like, no, it means we're more serious. It's more commitment. Yeah. I really, he doesn't get it.

I know one other couple that I don't know their exact stuff. up, but it's open in some way. And they just seem so happy and they just seem so relaxed and love. And it's just like, because you don't have this, like, you're not this ball of stress, like, wondering where the relationship's going. What's he doing? What's you doing? I just love in 2018, like, the definition of a relationship is, I mean, I don't know it's this year, but over time, it's changed and evolved. And like, there isn't just like one size for what a relationship is, you all kinds of arrangements. And we don't have to have like a one size fits all of relationships. Right. Like, if this works for you, then fuck it. It's your.

relationship. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I don't see. Why not? Have you had judgment from friends and things like that? I mean, you probably surround yourself with pretty evolved people, but I'm just curious if you've

like to think so. Yeah, I can picture that. But do you have any people that are like, I don't like that you've gotten any judgment from? I've had, well, actually my best friend. He just doesn't get it. Right. But he's a openly gay man.

So he's, and he's dealt with kind of being marginalized and everything like that for. his whole life, but when you put this, he's just so, been so raised in monogamy that now putting this different box around a relationship, just really, he doesn't know how to put his, like, wrap his head around

it, so, but yeah, I get a lot of judgment from that. But other than that, no one really, no one really thinks too much about it. It's just another relationship, really. Well, and like, you know, I... Which is lucky. I just can't imagine talking to you guys and not getting it. It's like, it's just,

I have friends that if they were like, we're going open, I'd be like, I'm sorry, what? You know, like, I have some friends that are like that. There's just no way that they would do something like that. I don't know that I could. Like, I'm somebody who's very, I'm open-minded about monogamy, and I don't know that I necessarily believe that it is the right thing for society and couples. And that's why you see so many people break up after three years because they can't evolve and grow together in any way.

But I don't know that I could do it. And like, I think that that's fair too. Like I think that I understand it a little more, but like, I don't know that I would be okay with somebody, like, physically being with my partner and, like, making them laugh. Like that, I think that would, like, really bring me a lot of pain. You'd have to, you'd have to want to, like, it's not for everybody. It's also, like, understanding that, like, if somebody was going to make Sam laugh, my heart would hurt a little. But I'm okay with doing the work to, like, sit with that. Right.

Because the pros outweigh the cons for me. And I understand that I love that we have the choice to be able to. choose whether we want to be monogamous or not or whatever. There's like just options. And I think they're all valid and important. Well, and I think, yeah, a lot of it is obviously is about like doing the work. I mean, I don't think a lot of people are like wake up one day. They're like, you know what?

Yeah, you can't just like blindly jump into this without self-awareness because that would be a disaster. Yeah. It really does just come back to being able to communicate about it. Yeah. Respect, communication. Yeah. Once you go polygamist, can you go back? Yeah.

I think so. I don't know, right? I assume so. I would think so. I don't know. If we both decided we wanted to. It can be so fluid. Like right now we're not really seeing other people.

Again, we're still open to the idea, but we're kind of. It's just not always happening. It's just, it's not a constant process. It's right now we are not monogamous, but we're only seeing each other. But that doesn't really change. doesn't change. I think it's just like understanding that things can change. And if you do decide to go monogamous for a little while, then just don't say it's forever. Like nothing's ever finite, just kind of being open to like, well, we'll see how it goes. Don't set those

expectations. Well, and I think that's a good rule for anything in a relationship. Exactly. You know, and I think especially men, like that is like something that I think that women, I hate to say, do wrong, but that's something that it fucks men up, you know, is this like, oh my God, now it's going to be like this forever. And I have this like boundary or whatever it is. So I think leaving things open, not even in relationships and any sort of thing, like it makes people be more at ease. Yeah.

I suppose like, you're never going to do that, you know, I don't know. Right. And there might be times in your relationship when you want to just focus on each other, like if we were going to have a baby or if someone got really a sick or, you know, like you could work through polyamory during those times, but you might choose not to because you just want to focus on each other. And that's fine too. even we just moved into an apartment together.

We were sharing a large community space before, but we finally started sharing our own space, just the two of us. And I think for those two or three months, we were very focused on each other and developing that space and building that connection in that space. So, like, at least I wasn't really thinking about seeing anyone else.

Right. And too, I get a lot of support from reading about this stuff. there's a book called More Than Two. I think if anyone's interested in this stuff, you should read it. I forget the name of the author, but the book is called More Than Two. And it's got everything, they don't claim to be experts. It's not, it is a manual of sorts, but they wouldn't want it to be called that. But it kind of goes through like what to do if you're the second, if you're the secondary

and you're dating a couple and like what that, how to work through insecurity and what if you have kids and, you know, all this stuff. And whenever I run into something that's difficult, I talk to my friends that are polyamorous and you get support that way. Or there's like message boards online and stuff. You can go. Yeah. Or they email you guys.

Yeah. Yeah. So to this point in the two years that you guys have been together, there hasn't really been one of you is seriously dating someone else, right? It's been more just like a few dates here and there. It doesn't really come up. Yeah. Yeah.

Not yet. Yeah. Because I'm very curious. and if you guys don't have the experience, I am curious when it's like Sam has two girlfriends straight up. You know, or like you have two boyfriends. Like I'm kind of curious, do you know?

Is it usually like there's a primary and a secondary? Is that kind of how... It depends on the parameters of the relationship. Our friends have a primary. And I don't know anybody that has like a thruple situation or anything like that, but you can't arrange it that way. You know, it just depends on what you want to do. And I think,

I think sometimes people, we talked about this on an episode about commitment and girls that email us like, we've been dating and we're basically together, but he won't commit, and you won't call his girlfriend or whatever they need to decide that they have a label or that he's committed. And I think sometimes it's like, ask yourself what you really want. I think people get tripped up and just like, I'm supposed to do this and I'm supposed to do this. And now, you know, we've been dating this amount of time he should be bringing me to this and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend and now we're supposed to be married and I should be having kid by now.

Right. Sometimes it's like, point of this. if we're not on this specific trajectory. And then sometimes, yeah, I guess it's about doing the work. It's like really being like, what do you really want? Do I really want a boyfriend? I mean, I'm pretty happy, you know? And that's a question that a lot of people actually don't take the time with.

Like, what do I want in a relationship? Or not in a relationship. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or do you even want a relationship? Do I even like this person? Right. Yeah.

Yeah. You know? Right. So I haven't really, I wanted to ask you guys what you thought about. this. I have a really good friend. Her and her boyfriend broke up after a very long time, I'd maybe five years. And she recently told me it was sort of because he kept pushing her to have an open relationship where they would sleep with other people but not really date other people. And he was really, really how that guy ever thought he was going to get fucked.

She's amazing and so cute and a lawyer. And he's just like, who is going to fuck you? What are you out of your doing for? Anyway, she said to me, you know, I really thought about it. I really struggled with it because I love him so much and I want to give him what he has. But she said, I only have so much in me for another person. And I feel like every time I would be with another person, it would deplete the amount of love or energy I have for him. And I don't want to do that. And so do you guys, I mean, you've never thought about it, but like, is it hard for you

to give a piece to somebody else emotionally? I definitely think you have like a finite amount that you can give. So there's definitely, you have to check in with yourself every time that you do go out with someone else or whatever it is. So if you feel like you can't really give to someone else, then you're not ready for it. You're not ready for that step in the relationship and you still have to build that, build that trust, build that commitment to either your primary or to the next person, the other person that you're about to see. I think time and energy are definitely finite. love is abundant, right? But if only time and energy we're abundant too, but it's just not a fact, unfortunately.

So yeah, you have to kind of, I mean, so we haven't had other serious relationships yet, so I can't really speak on it because I don't know what it would feel like. I don't know. I think it's nice to kind of admit that and be okay with that. Like, I don't know. Yeah. Well, we're going to have you guys regularly. We're going to come down here.

So when something like that happens, you'll come report back. Yeah, we'll keep you updated. Right. Or we'll just have you emails updates because I'm so invested in your relationship. Great. I just think it's a really beautiful, special thing. Like, it's so different than I think what a lot of people think. I mean, it's a different type of relationship.

But I think you hear just a lot of like, yeah, well, we can sleep with whoever we want. And, you know, this is just a very different thing. And I haven't had an experience with this, like with the close friends or anything like that. So I'm so excited to talk. to you guys. I mean, I guess we always want to offer our listeners advice. I mean, if they're interested in exploring something like this. I mean, I think you guys... The last question today. I think you guys are pretty used. Ashley's my primary. Nice. Yeah, clearly. We do share a brain. I don't have energy to date other people.

Right. I think that I think you guys have answered a lot of it. Trust and communication and being comfortable with somebody and things like that. But I don't know. Do you have anything to offer if there's a woman or a man that's kind of like, God, I just feel like this, after hearing this, I could feel like this is for me. What would you say to them? Like what advice do you mean? Yeah, somebody's interested in exploring something like this. I think it's all about looking inward, honestly. I mean, I'm kind of, maybe I'm biased because I'm a therapist, but I think everybody, you don't have to have a therapist to do that work, but it doesn't hurt. But just kind of doing any kind of like exploring within yourself about, you know, like what do I want in a relationship?

Do I understand what insecurity feels like and how to work through that? Maybe read some of the literature that's out there. More than Two is great. There's also another book called The Ethical Slut. That's more of like the... Ethical Slut. Yeah, ethical slut. Yeah, that's more of like from a sexuality standpoint.

More than Two is more about like love and relationships and from that standpoint. So they're both really good reads. Let's start there. Okay. Yeah, I always want like recommendations of books. They love it. So that's really, really helpful. Yeah, what would you say?

You guys have kind of mentioned it, but just kind of checking in with why you want that as your relationship. Check in with yourself and see what your expectation for the polyamorous relationship would be. Why are you pursuing it? Is it just to have sex with someone else? Right. Which there's nothing wrong with that. No, there's totally nothing wrong with that. That's fine if that's what you want.

But again, just checking in with what you really want and what you're getting out of the relationship. If it's just emotional or if it's kind of. and just for pleasure, whatever it is. But there's no problem either way. Mallory, were you nervous to broach the topic at first? Or had you kind of got enough cues? Had you mentioned your sister maybe? Or it's kind of like you felt like this was the guy that it was going to work with?

I think so. I think overall I was in a place where I was letting go of attachment, which included like letting go of expectations. So I was kind of like, I was in a really brave place where I was like, I'm going to put out on the table what I need and people can either take it or leave it. Okay. In a way that's like less stern that it sounds, it was more gentle. It was more like, I just was, was it stern.

I felt pretty bad. I felt bad. No, I had to take it. You could take it or leave it. Did I say that to you? Did she force you into this? Are you okay? Help you.

Help you. Send us the signal. I think, yes, all of that stuff. It's also just like facing the fear or letting go of the fear of having things not, of like letting go of something that, you know. could be or, you know? Do you know? I do now. Thanks, Mel. It was interesting, the girl we talked to a couple weeks ago, Nikki Glazer, who was on her show,

said that one of the reasons, probably primarily the reason that she felt really safe asking for things like this from her boyfriend because she knew that he loved her and she knew that, like, he respected her and that it, it wasn't like to go out fuck other chicks. You know, they had a really good, solid relationship and that was the basis of asking for other things. I think that, like, when you really don't trust your partner, emotionally or sexually, like, it's, I would never want to breach this kind of topic with them, you know? Yeah.

And then it's like, well, is that the kind of relationship you want to be in? And that's another hard kind of truth to face as well. Like, is this working? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I just, we always just try to hammer home that the way you should feel in a relationship and it's like safe and trusting and secure and all these type of things.

And I think when you get to that place, I think it's a lot easier to ask for a lot of things or mix it up with a lot of things. Like we asked her, we were like, do you feel like this whole you can go hook up with other women thing was specific to him? And she was like, honestly, yeah, because I trusted him so much. Like she was like, I've been in other relationships where, A, I didn't feel comfortable enough to even talk about that being my turn on or B, felt secure enough to send them out into the world to get blow jobs. You know, like it was just kind of specific to this one guy that I don't know. I can't decide I think they're going to end up together. They're off gone on for like six years.

So now I'm invested in them. I can't keep up with all the couples. Yeah, everybody has interesting sexual kicks. I think it's cool that he liked her, that she liked him to talk about, like, sexual relationships. Yeah. I am, I hooked up with girls a couple of times when I was in college. And the guy that I was dating, like, really liked me to talk about it while we were fucking. Like, that was a wonderful turn on for him.

I enjoyed it too, you know? I think everybody has, like, things that turns them on. Like, that's a really fun, beautiful thing about sex, too, is that you guys have, like, found a language to discuss it that's, like, open and honest. Like we get so many emails that I feel like I start a lot of sentences with me and family we get so many emails from girls that like the answer to the email is like just talk to your partner

whatever the question is like just have an open conversation that we fixed in five seconds but if you can't do that then there's the problem right exactly if you never build to that point right like this we got a girl that the sex is bad after three years and I'm like how does this not come up You know?

Like, I mean, she's 25, you know. I mean, a lot of it is just, we never want to sound condescending, but think of what we were like at that age. Like you just grow up and you... I didn't like how a penis worked. I've seen a ton of them. No idea how they worked. But, yeah, you just grow up and you evolve and you do work on yourself

and you're able to bring things up that you were scared to discuss when you were in your 20s or, no offense. But, you know, you seem pretty evolved. He's pretty evolved. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Any other advice you want to give to people? Or, like, things that people ask you the most.

Do you get any other, when you guys are doing these TED Talks in the bars? Do you get any other? It's like, God damn it, do I have to talk about this again? No, just kidding. My girlfriend who met you, who's my best friend, literally texted me, and she was like, I met the perfect person for your show. Oh, yeah. I was like, oh, so I guess you were doing a TED talk that night.

Bushwick at a warehouse party. She was toting me around, like, this is my Polly friend, Ask her question. Stop talking to me about it. Sorry, but you guys know, it's fine, it's fine.

I don't know. It's fascinating that people are so interested, but I don't know what other. I think I gave the majority of the advice I think I had. Yeah, I don't think I have much more to say.

Yeah, I know. At least as much advice goes. What else? What else do we miss? Do we miss anything? I don't feel like that. Did we miss anything?

That's why we're like tapped out. I don't know. I'm trying to think if we've gotten listener stuff that we haven't really addressed, but would you, either of you be like, hey, I have a day tonight. Is that something that you let somebody know beforehand? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Sometimes, so we've worked this out. I think like sometimes things happen

organically. Like I'm going out to the bar and like someone asked me out or something. And usually I'll get a chance to tell Sam like before I go on that date. But sometimes it doesn't happen that way, right? It's like sometimes like things are whimsical and spontaneous. And I think one time, uh, I didn't get to tell until after I slept with somebody. And unfortunately, that happens sometimes, but I think, like, it's okay. It was an ideal, but, like, it was okay. At least for me, that's when it hurts the most.

So that's when I have those feelings the most because I don't have time to process all the emotions that come in before anything even happens. And then the after effects as well. Right. So, like, waking up the next day and hearing that from her is a lot harder. A lot at once. Yeah, it's a lot at once. It's like, oh, well, what do I do?

And now I have to go to work and now I have to think about all this stuff. What's your, like, both of you, I'm just curious, like, you as people, your method of kind of processing things. Do you need to kind of sit with it for a while? We're opposites. We do meditated stuff. Really? We had no idea. We're so opposite.

I like to, like, connect right away and talk and, like, really get that going. And Sam needs time to be by himself, for sure. However long it ends up being, sometimes it's just 20 minutes, sometimes it's a whole day. but just step away and really think inwardly on it. Yeah. So I try to give him space. Well, and I think that's, I remember reading men are from Mars, women, and from Venus, like, years ago. And that was a big part of it of how men and women process conflict and men need to retreat.

And then that's where a lot of women go wrong where they're like, no, you need to talk about this right now. And they're like, I'm not breaking up with you. Can I just get away for 30 minutes or, you know, and I was something with my ex, we just fought all the time that we kind of needed to realize, like, someone would need to. to go walk the dog. You know, just like get out of the space to breathe even and not go crazy. So I'm just curious how you guys dealt with. Right. Well, I know that he, once he has had the space, when he's ready to talk, he will.

Right. I've been with people that I didn't feel safe like that. Like, oh, he's going to go have space and leave forever. And that's, you know, happened, of course, because that's what happened sometimes. And so that fear was real in that case. But I don't feel that way with Sam. And I think that's even just in any relationship, a good takeaway is women get really scared that a guy is just going to leave and break up with them and never come back when they step

away to think about things. And I think it's like if we can offer just off topic, but I think that's a good piece of advice too. Yeah. People need to have a second. Right. And one thing that I learned too, like it took a while to grapple with. If someone's going to do that to you, then they don't deserve you.

They don't deserve you. They don't deserve you. And it's just like, obviously this wasn't meant to be. And it took a while to kind of like muddle through that heartache. But now you get to just accept it. Like, okay, I don't want somebody that's going to just walk out and that I can't trust to meet me where I'm at and have that conversation. Right. So.

Oh, man. All right. Really I want to thank you guys for like your openness and your honesty. Thank you. We've been, I have been since day one of this podcast since February 13th. I've been searching for you. That's a very. I'm surprised it's us.

Like, like, really? I thought we were just normal people. We are just normal people, but like not everybody wants to put their life on blast, not that, you know, like a million people. Wait a minute, so what's going on here? I thought this is just a couple friends. Did you guys know we were recording? On these microphones?

No, it's a snack. Well, you're going to say, we're each going to have a therapy session. Great. Yes, thank you guys so, so much. Do you want people to find you on Instagram? What do you mean? Do you want to just plug anything? We want to let people plug it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Instagram is great. That's where I list all of my gigs that I'm performing at. I usually perform in Rhode Island, sometimes New York, but check it out. Check in my music. It's Mallory underscore Day, M-A-R-E-E-D-A-Y-D-A-Y. Okay. And I don't really use it that much.

You never goes on Instagram, so. I wish I had that problem. What do you do? Do we ask you? I do landscape construction. Okay. So I work in my hands. a lot outside.

I love the guy. Ashley, stop trying to fuck the guy. I got it. I love when a guy says that. I thought that was a point. I'm not really good thing to say on a date. It is. I'm usually the one trying to fuck all the guests.

Every day I check in and I'm like, I was DM me with him last day for two hours. We're in my apartment. Trying to fuck him. That's what we're going to ask you guys this day. No, I'm just kidding. Well, thank you guys so so much. We, you know, this was amazing. So we think people are going to love it.

Great. Thanks, guys. All right, that's a wrap. All right, guys, do we have stuff to say at the end of our podcast? I don't know. Well, also, we usually play a game, but, like, I just feel like that's not the vibe. And, like, it's silly and, like, you guys have been so incredible. I just want to keep this really peaceful, amazing.

I appreciate that. Games are fun. Sam really late. Another difference between us, he loves board games and other games, and I don't. So what happens when you want to play a game? You don't. That's what he does. That's his thing.

He goes and plays Dungeons and dragons and magic cards. I'm a huge nerd. He's a huge nerd. You wouldn't believe it by looking at him. I wish that all of the listeners could see this beautiful face. He doesn't look like a nerd at all. Right. You're like, I wish you looked a little nerdy.

I know, right? Fight the one off. Yeah, guys, what is the day? We're in 2019. Yeah, 2019. This comes out on January 7th. Yeah. So check our tour dates.

Got a lot of stuff coming up. Subscribe, rate review. Tell us what you think of the episode. I guess that's it. Oh, God, we have nothing else to plug. This is so beautiful. All right, bye, guys. Bye, guys. Have a good week.

Bye.