Girls Gotta Eat - Is He Just Not That Into Me? feat. Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That Into You

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

We have a legend on deck -- author/comedian Greg Behrendt, the man responsible for "He's Just Not That Into You", both the book and the famous Sex and the City quote (he worked on the iconic show for six years). We discuss the book and go deeper on other dating-related and life topics like falling out of love with a partner, why some people accept so little in relationships, the first step to getting over someone, how to stop taking bullshit from fuckers (including yourself), and more. And of course we had to ask him our burning questions about SATC and his feelings on the movie adaptation of his book. We also catch up on one of Rayna's exes resurfacing, the show Ashley can no longer watch in her parents' house, and we turn the tables on our topic with listeners answering "I knew I wasn't into him when....". Enjoy! Follow Greg on Instagram @ItsGreggers and check out his podcast Don't Take Bullsh*t From F*ckers. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Billie: Get your $9 starter kit + free shipping at mybillie.com/gge. LiquidIV: Get 25% off at liquidiv.com with code GGE at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's exactly what the book is saying. Look, if the book is saying, just give up on who you really are, change yourself to be with somebody else, really bold and shape yourself. And there's only one person. And it's that you fuck that one time. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Pandemic Week 6. This is it. This is the last time you get to say it.

I'll do Week 69. I'm kidding. Guys, Ashley is wearing the sexiest glasses right now. She's like a pandemic sex pot. I wish you guys could see it. Well, check our Instagram. I don't know any other glasses, contacts wears out there. Just I'm done with these fucking contacts.

Like, I just, they, I haven't worn them in so long. I'd hit it. I like them. Let's talk about the charities we recently donated to. I thought you were going to talk about how much I've been drinking lately. Also, while we're at it and liquidizing is donating to charity, let's talk about how rain has been wasted. This ties into our.

live show. We did our live show last weekend and you were so hungover the next day. It was the most hungover I've been through all six weeks of this. I'm not hammered drunk after our recording. I drank like two glasses of wine during the live show. It was like 8 to 9 p.m. Also, I mean, if you guys have been to a live show, you know that Ashley and I don't drink on stage. We sometimes have like a glass of champagne in the last like 10 minutes. But I get really slurry and I'm not funny once I start drinking. And you probably aren't either for being honest. So I can't do it. Anyway, so I had two glasses. And then I, I had like a two hour call with my and uncle who were like my other parents. And I don't know, I crushed another bottle of wine.

Oh my God. I couldn't even talk to you on Sunday. Well, I got it. I had a slight hangover too, but you were like, I am so hungover. I was like, bitch, why? I was with you last night. I was with you. That aunt and uncle. phone call did you in? They get me so hammered. When I go to Pittsburgh, I usually spend two nights there. I spend like one night with my parents and one night with them. And we just get, we call it, we get all banged up.

We order Chinese food and just go shop for shot. They're in their 70s. I can't keep up with them. Well, one of them, right? The woman is older. She's 10 years older. 10 years older. And if you guys keep up, they are the, where are you going to go?

It's actually where you, they were, they correct me all the time. He always screams at her, where are you going? Yeah, but we made it better. John, come on. Like, we improved. I know. We took, we improved your quote. You're welcome.

We improved upon it. Yeah, I know. We took your idea and we made it a better idea. Anyways, you were talking about charity. I'll let you get back in. Well, no, we, so again, when we are doing these live shows, virtual live shows, we are incorporating a charitable component. We just let you guys give.

And again, for the second time, we raised $10,000. So we've raised over $10,000 on two shows. So the total, what rain is? It's been close to $22,000. Yeah, 22,000. So this past one, we decided we had a little leftover from the first one that we said was going to go to medical workers and people in the hospitals. So we are sending 20 pairs of scrubs, gift cards for scrubs from Figs. So we're working on that to finish that off. And then we also donated to Fuel the Frontline, which is based in New York, Fuel thefrontline.com.

and they are sending meals and care packages to health care workers. And if you're in the health care system, you can even request and then they will match you and they'll get what you need. What I like that they're doing is healthy meals. Nothing against pizza, obviously. But I did talk to some nurses that if we're like, we've had pizza every day for three weeks. So I love the pizzas. I love the sandwiches and everything.

But they're doing a little more like salads, healthy stuff. They have all these food partners. They're doing care packages. They're doing all this other stuff. So fuel the front line and we're sending scrubs. And then Raina can talk about the other two. places where we sent funds. Yeah, and I do want to say the girls that run that, it's just two girls in New York City that just wanted to do something nice and they reached out to local businesses and they have compiled all these businesses and a great following. They reached out to say thank you to us. And anybody can do something like this. You know, I feel like a lot of us feel helpless and hopeless and this is a really good time to go out and try to do something like this. The other charities we focused on, Ashley and I really wanted to focus on money that was going directly to people who have been affected, hourly workers and small businesses. So Roar is one of the charities we donated to, R-O-A-R, and that benefits restaurant workers that have been furloughed because of all of this.

Of course, there are tens of thousands, it's not hundreds of thousands of people in the restaurant industry. They've been affected by this. So this makes sure that they get money. And then the other is called modest needs. I think the URL is modest needs.org. But basically, you can apply for money and say, you know, I'm a single mother. I can't pay my rent. Can you help me?

And that is really an amazing organization as well. So we put all of your money into these organizations, and we are so excited to do any charitable component with our live shows. So thank you guys. Your money went to amazing causes. And I think that's, I think it's Roar, NYC, if you want to look it up. It's probably dot org, but anyway,

ROR NYUC on like Instagram and stuff, if you guys are curious. Speaking of the live shows, as of right now, it is Thursday, April 23rd. We're supposed to be setting off on our Florida tour. Tonight was supposed to be Orlando, tomorrow and Saturday we're supposed to be Tampa. Sunday was supposed to be Miami.

And listen, I love Florida. Well, I don't know what's happening there right now. Some of that I don't agree with. But no one is more upset about missing Florida at the Tampa shows than me. I don't even know if you're going to be able to get through this sentence to be totally honest. We miss you guys. We miss Tampa. I miss the staff at the Miami Improv.

I'd have sex with all of you, male and female. I miss every single one of you. I miss the security. Guard at the Tampa Improv, security at the Charleston Music Hall, also the Tali Hall in Chicago, security guards. Oh my God.

And I'm sure there was going to be a hot security guard at the Orlando Improv, too. Like, we're so sad. And we know that we made this announcement that we were going to do the virtual live shows on the dates of the postponed real live shows. But since we just had won last weekend, as of this moment, last weekend,

and we're going to try to improve them. a little bit. We're going to try to work them out where they're a little bit easier to watch and perhaps have guests and stuff. So we're not forgetting Florida. We'll announce that soon when the next show in honor of Florida will be. It'll be in a couple weeks. So anyway. Yes. And just an update, we were going to do a West Coast run in May. We told you guys we'd get you those new dates. So those dates have been moved to November. We can announce three of the dates. The fourth one is not moved online yet. So just giving the venue a little bit of time. But in this order, Vancouver has moved to November 19th. Seattle has moved to the 20th of November and then Portland at the 22nd of

November. All the same venues, San Francisco as well, same venue. San Francisco, they will not have the dates online for a little while. There's just some issues internally. But we will always make sure that you guys can transfer the tickets or, of course, get a refund if you need it. So always contact your point of sale, the venue if you need anything. Ashley and I have no control over ticket sales, just like every artist in the world. All right. Guys, I'm going to tell you who our guest is today and how much of a flex it is. Last week, we did our whole movie review on He's Just Not That Into You.

And we were like, maybe we'll get the author of the book on. And so this week we have the author of the book on. I remember this. Former writer of Sex in the City, he wrote, he's Just Not That Into You. He has a new brand now that we'll talk about. about with him, but um, coming in hot soon. Greg Barrett. Honestly, this is a real moment for me. This is all you. You just like, when you just like texted him. Well, okay. Yeah. And I wanted to give a shout out. So I met him. I mentioned

this last week. I think I met him years ago. He is a friend of our friend, my friend, Neil Reddy in Atlanta. I want to shout Neil out you guys. He was on season one of queer eye, like the current queer eye, like the reboot. Season one, episode two, the best episode there ever has been. He's the best. He's a comedian. Go follow him. Neil loves you. He was his Instagram comment. Girls got to eat, send me here. He'll love it. Gigi Hadid is a fan of his. He's got a picture of her on his Instagram. He's great. And he knows Greg. And he introduced us years ago. I feel like we got donuts or something. I don't know. It's Sublime Donuts in Atlanta. That's ringing a bell. So I had met Greg briefly. And I actually just reached out to Neal and Neil gave me his

phone number. So I texted him. I was like, you want to come on. It's so casual, guys. Actually just texted the author of the book. He went to see what we profile next week. and which person. Someone emailed us and asked us to profile the first wives club. That is a throwback. And that is like vintage Sarah Jessica Parker while we're talking about Greg, who was a writer on Sex and the City. Sarah Jessica Parker was like 12, not 12, but she was like 21 in that movie.

So, yeah, I'm really excited to have him today. Well, we may as well talk about like what we're watching and stuff. You are watching Too Hot to Handle, right? we can't really review it, but we know you guys want us to, and I just haven't started it yet, because I live with my parents. So, I, that show got me all horned up. I'm going to be honest. I masturbated immediately after watching that show. It is the worst mix of people in the world.

And I say this being the biggest fan of reality TV in the world. Okay, guys, I watch below deck, all right? I watch every reality show on the face of planet. These are the single worst human beings that have ever lived, all of them. Okay, don't like, I mean, not that you're going to give me any spoilers, but what is the premise they can't have sex? I don't know. I haven't, I haven't like fully. Primus of the show, like two cents. Primus they take all these crazy hot single people that are like pretty young and are like, I'll never settle down.

I just like having casual sex. I fuck a million people all the time. And they put them on this island. And the first day they are allowed to hook up. So they let all these people kind of like get all sexually charged with each other. And then they say there's a hundred thousand dollar price. and you can't fuck or touch or like make out or anything, nothing. And they are the hot.

I can't. I was sexually frustrated just watching. This sounds amazing. This girl let this guy watch her shower. And I masturbated to it. I'm just going to be totally honest. It was so hot. Oh, my God.

Wait, are they just, why are they terrible? They're narcissists and just, they're just, I mean, they picked people that are first just like super young, super vapid, crazy narcissist. I don't want to say like none of them are in terms. Some of them are intelligent. It's just, you know, the purpose of the show is to be like, I don't care about anyone. And I don't care about, like, having a relationship or a deep connection. I just want to fuck.

And that's about it. That's the premise of the show. Are you done? No, I'm sort of like four episodes, five episodes, Zana. You get it. You get it. You ever don't point in a show where you were like, I get it. I get it.

That's how I felt. There was something else recently I felt that way about, whatever. So, yeah, that's it. So you watch it. You'll masturbate. I don't even know if we need to talk. any more about it. I'm going to feel the same as you probably.

I don't know. All right. Well, I'm on it. It is kind of weird. Like, I don't know if we ever joked about on the podcast of how much I love and secure the show on HBO with Issa Ra. If you guys are familiar, I hope you are. God, it's such a good show. But we joked about it.

I didn't use to shut the fuck up about it. So it started back. So there's been two episodes. And I like to watch them two at the least because they're so short. They're like 30, 40 minute shows. So just one's not enough for me. So I'd save two and I was watching them. And like, I don't know.

Like my mom and I are cool, but like I was watching with my mom in the middle of the day. And my dad came in during a sex scene. And like the unsecure. It's HBO. It's like sexness city level nudity sex scenes, not the whole show. But they do them and they are explicit. And my dad walked in. He was like, what are you girls watching?

I'm like, I can't do this. It's like I got to just take my laptop in the room and watch this stuff because I can't have it on the big screen with the parents. Absolutely not. I mean, maybe with your mom because you guys are like buddies, pals. But like, no, it's like when I watched Wolf of Wall Street, my dad, the opening scene is her like sucking him off in a car. I was just like, I'm going to, I'm going to die today. You watched that with Bill?

Yep, we went to the movie theater together. No, you did not see that in the movie theater with your dad, Rana. Yes, 100%. Wolf of Wall Street, opening scene, sucking his dick. I just, and then he's like snorting coke out of that stripper's beehole. Like, yeah, I had to sit next to my dad. for that movie. Well, and that, yeah.

So my mom, we watched it. One sex scene was fine in the first episode of season four. And then my, but my dad was like in and out. And I felt anxiety. Like, I felt like if he walks in, because you know some of the sex scenes in that movie. Like, I remember that one when like Lawrence walked in

and just like fucked her over the couch and it was just like so much. And I was like, if my dad walks in when these people are fucking on the, we have a giant, that's a giant TV. Yes, I know. And there's nowhere to hide in your house either. There's a sound bar.

giant room. It surrounds them. And so I was like, I'm not doing this again. I'm not risking it because you never know where he's coming from. He's always out and about. He comes in. It's like, where have you been? We thought you were in the bedroom.

He wasn't. He was out doing mowing the lawn. He comes in. He's like, what are you ladies watching? I'm like, I'm going to kill myself. Okay. Let's talk about other bad decisions I've made. I haven't told you this shit.

Oh, no. Guys, I'm hearing this story for the first time. I have an inkling of what it's about. But I mean, I didn't do anything. I mean, it's just like a previous bad decision. I woke up yesterday morning to a text message at 724 a.m. Eastern time. Eastern time.

From my first boyfriend who I lived with in New York, that guy. Like a cheater? The cheater guy? Yeah. The cheater guy. Hey, how are you holding up? Exclamation point, question mark. Exclamation point question mark.

What? Okay. Out of the blue. You didn't mess. This was out of the blue. Oh, my God. No. So some background on this guy, if you guys were in your life,

I don't really talk about him that much of this podcast. We broke up a decade ago. But I lived with this guy. He's one of the worst people I've ever met, like one of the most unbelievable pathological liars, narcissists, truly emotionally abusive, and cheated on me with everything that moved. And we lived together.

It is not, I mean, you know me. Like I am pretty much friendly or at least on decent terms with almost anybody, including my ex-fiance, everyone I've ever dated. Yeah. this is so out of left field. I'm talking to this person in five years. I don't.

I don't mean, I don't mean, I know what to say. I mean, I know the whole story. I'm shook. My friend, my friend broke it down for you. I was like, why would he have texted me at that in the morning? She said, he's jerking off. Oh, my God, right. Seven in the morning.

Seven in the morning. I asked my girlfriend and she said he's jerking off. Every question could be answered with that. Probably jerking off. Why did my ex reach out to me? Why did he watch my story? Why did he DM made all the same answer? jerking off.

It's pretty true, right? Yeah, but okay. That's, that answer doesn't suffice for me. Sorry. That guy's jerked off a whole lot in the last 10 years since you guys broke up. Like, it's, it's clearly like pandemic related. Like he's reached the bottom, the depths of like loneliness, right? Like he's hit all of his exes up, right?

Not to say that, like, you're not special, but that's got to be it. I'm not. That he's had a list and you were on the list, right? You guys have not talked in five years or more. This is truly shocking. More so than anybody, I am friendly with pretty much every ex. This is a person who was such a terrible person in my life. And when I say we talked five years ago, like, I broke up with my fiancé and just texted

the last person I'd slept with and I slept with him. And that was like, we don't, we have never been on speaking terms since he did all the terrible things he did to me. This isn't even a person I even like think about, I'll talk about him on the podcast. So it's so crazy. 7.30 in the morning. He just like woke up. what was like what beating off to me or something.

I was like, I figured I'll text her. Did you respond? No. So I was between two things. I was either going to not respond or I was going to say, why don't you tell me what you want so that we could fast forward and I could just ignore whatever it is that you're going to have to do. And not have fucking chit chat with you. Right.

And so I just chose no answer. I think that no answer is, I think the no response is a response. I don't need to interact with this person. It's like crazy to me. And like I don't even want to open it up to a what was that? on your mind kind of conversation. Like he is somebody else's problem and hopefully a million miles away from me. No response is if you are ever wavering between no response and a response, it's almost

always the answer. If you don't want a relationship with somebody, I had a friend breakup. And I've talked about in this podcast, she kind of lashed out at me on social media. It was somebody I'd been friends with a long time. Remember, she reached out with like the most bizarre thing. And it wasn't an apology. it was very weird. It felt child.

It was just weird. This was like months ago after, but after breaking up a year or two prior. And I just didn't respond because it wasn't an apology. So there was no like I appreciate the apology or I, you know, there was, I accept your apology. There was none of that. It was so weird. I had nothing to say.

I sat on it for a day or two. And I was like, I don't care. Like, I mean, you don't care about him. Just don't respond. I'm team no respond a lot. I am too. I think you thought about that. And I think you have to think about what's the goal here at the end of the day.

Is the goal to reopen the friendship? Then, yeah, you think about what you're going to say and you respond. But I don't ever, I'm not mad. I don't think about this person at all. I have a dating podcast with you. I don't even talk about him ever. That's how little I care about him. He comes up when it's about terrible cheaters.

Yeah, that's it. I mean, this person slept with my friends, my coworkers, his coworkers. He would fuck his coworkers and come home to our shared home together. and then fuck me. I mean, I don't need to talk to you. Yeah. So, yeah, it's crazy. I just, I mean, every week we've talked about this, but like all these exes crawling back in, it's just like, you don't need to use this pandemic as an excuse to crawl. You're not getting in. Sorry. We just did this interview with Elite Daily that we're very excited about. She asked us such amazing questions. We obviously will post it when it comes out. And she asked us if exes had

crawl back in. And Rayna was like, yeah, kind of this one guy, blah, blah, blah. I said, I was dead serious. I wasn't even trying to make a joke. I said, none of my exes have contacted me because they're all married or engaged. And Rayna just started laughing hysterically because I was like, I'm the last person they date before they get engaged. And we like had to take a break for you to laugh.

And I'm like, this isn't a joke. This isn't a fucking game. My life is not a joke, but it was really funny. And that girl was laughing too. You were like, I'm just, you know, I'm the last stop on the road before they get serious with somebody else. I mean, you could have married all those people, so I don't mind laughing about this. You could have absolutely decided to marry all those people. Yeah, well, all of them except one.

He cheated on this girl with me and then he married her. And then I went to the wedding. But I, yeah, it's just, I don't, it's like, what is it? Good luck, Chuck. It's the movie and I'm a fluffer, whatever you like to call it. I don't, it's a, it doesn't bother me at all. It's a real fucking thing, though. Like even I can name five off the.

top of my head and those are three serious relationships like guys that were my boyfriend and then two that I dated for three, four months like and there's more like that's that's off the top of my fucking head. I think that that's pretty much more the norm with people though and I think when you think about when we start to meet our future partner it is between the ages of 24 and 32. So really most people you date in that sort of range, it's pretty normal that the next person they would meet is the person they settled down with because everybody gets engaged 27, 28, 29. I'm rare that that's not the case.

I think it's just because I date terrible people and no one wants to end up with them. And New York's different too. So all of those five that were in the South. So yeah. Yeah, it makes a little more sense. Right. But yeah, I laughed really hard and I had fun with that interview. I'm excited for it to come out.

Me too. Okay. Do you want to do a quick wellness check? Oh, yeah, a quick wellness check. how are you doing? How are you holding up wellness check-wise? So I realize that something that I'm doing is watching back my Instagram stories, like my archives and getting really sad. Like, socializing is an X that I miss.

Like, it's the exact same behavior. Like, when you break up with somebody and you go back and look at your old photos or your old videos together and you get sad and you're like, why am I doing this? I'm crying. But like, I'm doing it with my old life. Like I watch back. I'm going far back as I've gone back as far as like end of 2018, but not that long ago. I just went to December of 2019, which was one of my favorite months of my whole life.

We had the two holiday shows in New York. We had the two Chicago shows, just all this fun stuff. And I just got so emotional. Like it's funny. And I was like, this is what you do when you miss an ex. You go back and watch your old life together. And I'm like socializing as the ex. But it's special.

It's hard to remember. It's hard to remember those things. forget we had a life before this. We took like a whirlwind once in a lifetime trip before this and I forget. It's weird to go back and watch that trip because it was like everything was about to change. But I'm, um, I feel okay. I mean, I'm, we're coming up on a horse six weeks. Like, uh, it was funny because this is, I lived with my parents for six weeks between moving from Atlanta to New York. That was the cutoff. So I was like, I know I can do six weeks. I've done this before. I did this exact same thing before.

Granted, I did see friends and my brother and stuff more. But yeah, I'm just, I'm antsy. I, not super happy. If I, if I think about my apartment in New York, I get really sad. Like I saw, like, it was on like, again, like an Instagram story. I like saw my, like my patio, which I was so excited to be on in New York. Like this is supposed to be like the season to enjoy it. And, yeah, I'm the same as everybody.

It's just, I'm bummed. Yeah. I'm healthy and I'm with family. I mean, again, just I'm not trying to be out here complaining, just being honest about it. How about you? No, we talked about it last week. Everybody's pain is real to them. I can't hear me this home enough.

It's not a competition who's, you know, in terms of whose sadness is shittier. You know, I'm sad. Other people have literally had to bury family members. So, you know, it's a range. I think day to day, like my predominant feeling is sadness. You know, I think there's so many people that we know and love that have been affected by this. walking around New York City, every business is closed. I think the feeling that was overriding

for me in the last week was just anger. I've been really irritated and really pissed off. And Monday, I texted you, but I'll tell everybody that I realized I'd been really irritable and really argumentative with everybody and everything was pissing me off and everything that you said annoyed me and I argued with you. And I woke up Monday morning and I just like made a commitment to stop drinking so much, maybe eat a little better and just recognize. that like everybody's doing the best that they can. And I apologize to you for how irritable I'd been. But I did have to, I have to like make the choice to stop being so angry.

And I do feel like I felt a little better in the last couple of days just less pissed off. Because that's been sort of my predominant feeling is I'm just mad and irritated with everybody. And even people who are like checking in on me to make me, you know, happy and make me feel better. I've been like annoyed by it. And that's a crazy thing to feel because people just want to love me and show their support. So I've had to make a conscious decision and not be like that. And then I do feel like I've felt a little better in the last couple days, you know, as good as somebody can feel.

And doing stuff with you, like, for charity and helping others is always going to make me feel good. So I loved the live show and being able to donate all that money. And that really lifted my spirits. Yeah, it's a nice, like, thing to do. We like, you know, wash our hair. We get ready. And I didn't, I mean, you know, you guys went behind the scenes of our relationship. Like, I just felt like I was a little irritable that week, too.

You know, like, we apologized to each other. It was just like, it's tough. Like, I feel like more on edge. I actually didn't even tell you this. I got like a big, like kind of a screaming fight with my dad. It was kind of silly. It was like something that happened in a movie that was real life. So it was like something that happened, but we didn't disagree on how it went down.

And we just like blew up and he had been drinking. And it got really bad. And I just left and went to like my house and was like furious. And I said some things I'd regret. And we're fine now. But it made me feel like anybody that is with their family or with a part. or anybody that you have a little more drama and triggers and you don't get along so great, like it made me feel for them because even just that one fight with my dad made me be like,

should I leave? Should I go back to New York? Like I was like, I'm packing my shit up. I mean, I didn't. But like, it made me be like, man, this is one fight. I've had like a teeny tiny little, not even not fight teeny tiny disagreement with my mom and like one fight with my dad in six weeks. And that's pretty good that we've been together this whole time. So it made me feel for people that are dealing with that on a more regular basis.

Oh, I didn't know that. I think that it's, I'll tell you more about it offline of what it was about. It was silly. But it was just like, who, it wasn't pretty. It wasn't pretty. You can yell and scream. I'm not envious of your dad. I feel like we all just have that bubbling below the surface, though.

Like, I don't think that that's your normal state of being and what I don't know what he did. But whatever he did, I don't think that it would have set you off the way that it probably did. None of us should be in these situations. I love what Adela said about not making big decisions about your relationship right now based on how people are acting because nobody is in a situation that is normal to them. And so like, however you act with your dad is just not you, it's just not normal you. And I wouldn't have been so argumentative and bitchy all week last week either. I'm not arguing.

Nobody, nobody knows me thinks I'm argumentative. No. That's my default feeling at the moment. So none of us are in a headspace that's fucking normal. also he needs to apologize to me to me opportunity you know I hear you in my head saying things all the time that's the number one thing all right guys we are going to jump in with our guest today it's kind of a flex we talked about his

book last week and now we have him on the show he is a comedian he is an author a consultant for HBO's Sex and a City maybe you've heard of it before he is the co-writer of the New York Times bestselling book he's just not that into you, which was later adapted into a film by the same name. Also, he has an awesome podcast. Don't take bullshit from fuckers. Please welcome to the show.

Greg, I didn't ask you how to say your last name. Berent. Like the word parent. Like the word parent. Oh, well, I would never have guessed that. I'm not that smart. Oh, that's okay. So Greg Barrett, welcome to the show.

Thank you. Thank you, guys. I was saying it wrong. How are you saying? I was going, Berrent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be wrong. parent. That's all right. Yeah, yeah, it's parent. It's like parent.

Okay. I could have changed it. I should have changed it. Can you change it? Please. It's a little late. It's a little late now, but I should have. Well, we're so excited to have you. We did a 10-year, 15-year-old movie review last week and all of Ashley's nice feelings about it. We figured we'll be bringing on the show now. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. Guys, Greg hated it too. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I didn't hate it. You definitely aren't allowed to say that. You've done. definitely signed an NBA saying, I can say whatever I want. I wrote the book. I can say what I want. A lot of authors are really open about how they don't like the adaptation of their books. Okay, good. Let's just not get out of the way before Raina asks you what gives you the right. We talked about a little bit before because I didn't want to ambush you. But our take on it is that the movie is a fine movie, but it contradicted your amazing book. What do you think?

The main story. Yeah, the main storyline. The Jennifer Good one. and Justin Long. Yeah. Yes, at the end, she should have said at least, at the very least she said to him, fine,

this is all good and everything. Now come back every day for the next year and tell me the same thing and I'll consider it then. Yes. Like, I'd like to see some change because all you're doing

is making a monologue at the door and it's embarrassing because this is everything the book says you shouldn't do. Right. And also your advice, which is it like he's just not that in you it's not wait around and like if you just act pathetic enough for long enough it'll get his dick hard make him wake up and find out that he wants you

that's not how life works no it is it's exactly how life works that's exactly what the book is saying the book is saying the book is saying just give up on who you really are change yourself to be with somebody else really bold and shape yourself and there's only one person And I said it's an idiot that you fuck that one time. Right. And that's it. Girls, if you forfeit everything that you want in a relationship and everything that you think you deserve and change everything about yourself, maybe he'll want you. For just that one.

That's your soulmate. There's just one. There's just one. There's only one. It's a soulmate. That's why it's called a soulmate. And just lower your self-esteem and you'll get him. I want this to be the whole interview.

Just the sarcasm. Like you already. Well, Greg, we're going to ask you what we always ask. everybody. So you wrote this amazing book, an incredible advice, and you were a consultant on Sex and the City, which is one of the most iconic shows of all time ever, shaped my whole life. So what, we always said, what gives you the right? So what is your background? And how did you get to be somebody who is in this industry and has advice for this type of thing? I had no background in it at all. I literally just answered a girl's question on a lunch break.

I was working at sex in the city and I'd been there for like six years and I was close with everybody that worked there and as a writer? As a consultant. Okay. So staff was seven women and two gay men

and they needed a straight guy to come in and say that guy shouldn't have a purse. To mansplain. Now he can have a purse. That's the beautiful thing. Right. Is that, but yeah, so I was working there

and I was close with all the writers and one of the writers was seeing somebody that didn't want to have sex with them and asked me, and then they'd been out a few times, and she invited him up to have sex. And he said no. And she asked me if I was bad.

And then I just stared at her. And then eventually I said, yeah, I think that's bad. And then she got kind of defensive, and she said, well, he had to work, Greg. And I said, I don't care of you, you had to fly the fucking space shuttle. You know, you get that in, buddy. You come up.

That's how it goes, right? So, yeah, it's bad. And at some point in that conversation, I said, he's just not that into you. And I don't remember saying it. But a girl, the girl who is a co-author of the book and who's a genius, Liz Chirlo, she was the one that sort of jumped on the phrase. I said it, but I didn't remember what she said. Oh, my God, he's just not that into you.

That's so perfect. And it does sort of describe this situation perfectly, which is he's showing some signs of liking you, but he's not into, he's not enough. It's not enough to get the deal done. That's, you're right. It's not that he doesn't like you outright. It's just not that into you. It could be a little bit. Yeah, yeah, he's doing, yeah, he's doing little things. You know, he's taking his, you know, he's doing his little work as he has to do and showing up in some places, but not all of them. And is probably a man of words and not action. And, you know, so, you know, look out. So then then I moved into the writer's room and then everybody had questions. And then Liz said, I think there's a book idea. And that's, which I did not, I did not believe it was a book. I was like, it's a pamphlet at best. I mean, it's honestly, it's the most freeing thing any woman's ever heard.

I mean, to watch Miranda work through that and, you know, for me to read the book, I was like early in college and it was, it's so freeing. Like, you know, I mean, it changed my life. That's what we preach constantly in this podcast. Like, you deserve better. Move on. Yeah, I mean, I realized later that it sort of has its roots in stoicism, which is like really to be able to look at what, what's really happening,

what's actually going on. I know what we think's going on. I know what we want to have go on, but what's actually going on, you know, and I think you can apply that to everything. You know, so the book has a bigger,

you know, you can do that with a job interview. You can do that with a family member. Like you can just look at your life and go, this thing is not working out. I keep thinking it's working out. It's not working out. I love the way that you broke down the book.

and every chapter of people haven't read it. It's, you know, if he's not calling you, if he's not asking you out, if he's not marrying you, if he's not sleeping with you, he's just not that into you. And you really break down the scenarios. What I think it helps people to do is just stop making these fantasy scenarios or they're making excuses for everybody for all these different things. Because I think everything in the book can always be rationalized. It's like you said, if somebody doesn't come up and sleep with you, it's they have work in the morning.

And, you know, we all do it with our friends that maybe he's not ready or he's scared whatever it is. But I think it boils down to this. And then you can make a decision of whether to stick around or not. Like, right, he could have diarrhea once. Like, that happened once on the show. Like, yes, there's, like, that one time he doesn't come up, he could have diarrhea.

Like, it just, but that's, of course, there's exceptions to every role, but, you know. Yeah. And I think the book's really meant to be like a warning light. You know what I mean? It's not like you go out with a guy he doesn't call you back and you just dump him immediately. Like, you know, but it's after things show up repeatedly.

or you're able to notice that, well, he does do some things, but not others, pretty consistently. So maybe there's a problem. I want to know how you broke down the book and what the thinking was. I don't know. I mean, really, the way it worked was I, like I said,

I didn't believe that I should be telling women what to do with their dating laws, you know, and Liz's, and so I was like, I'm not going to write a book and sort of proselytize about what I think about dating. And Liz goes, well, what have we asked you questions? Like, you're just being asked. You're just being, your advice is being sought out.

But you're not necessarily just standing on a mountaintop giving it. And so we just broke it into the various scenarios that we got from friends and, and stories that we heard from people and questions that I get asked. I mean, I still get asked the same questions to this day. You know, it's still the same stuff. You know. That's what I was going to ask you because it's 16, 16 years ago? It's 2004.

I mean, it's 2004, yeah. Nothing's changed. Nothing is changed. Nothing has changed. I did like a, my friend and I did an Instagram live the other day and it was all the same question. And it's all the same scenarios and somebody, you know,

and it's always, it always goes back to, but he said this and it's like I write, but he didn't do anything. So, you know, it doesn't matter. Like there's always some part where he was the greatest guy in the world and then he did a bunch of really shitty things

and we're still trying to hold out hope for him. It's changed. The mediums have changed. Now you're talking about, you know, Sex and City Days was phone calls only. Now we're like, we have Instagram. We have, you know, I think that one of the things we've talked about so many times, this happened very early on the podcast was he's watching on my Instagram stories, but he's not asking me out. And we tell girls, it means nothing. He could be on the toilet. It means absolutely nothing. Meaningless. He just wants to know he just wants to know what you're up to, but it's one of a million things he's doing. He's doing a lot of things and you're not the only person he's following and just because he has you on there,

you know, and maybe he even feels like he should, or maybe he just thinks he's being nice or a friend or something like that, you know, but it doesn't, it's not profound. It's not profound to watch somebody's story. That's not an overture, like how I watched your story. How do you not know that I was in love with you? I watch all your stories. So one of the things of the book I like a lot, and we've touched on this like commitment, how to get a guy to commit to you.

one of the very first, the first episodes we did were about ghosting and people that show a little bit of interest, then go away. And I'd like to break down, like, if he's not committing to you, he's just not that into you, if you don't mind and, you know, what your advice is. Because I think that a lot of us today, and it's no different than 15 years ago, but a lot of us here in this sort of gray, hazy area that's like, well, we see each other sometimes, you know? He texts me, it's good, and then I don't hear from him for a week. and like what advice would you give other than he's just nothing? If somebody's not committing to you, what would you say? Well, it all depends on what rules you have for yourself. Like what are the things that you've made clear or the way you want to be treated?

Like, have you made it clear that this is okay behavior and this is not okay behavior? You know, if you just leave it open and then you're just sort of trying to, you have no rules about what you want, you're not going to get anything. And you don't do that with many other things. but to just let a person traips in and out of your life as much as you want. But if you haven't set some kind of boundary or rule or, you know, or have a goal for yourself, I think people don't like to use rules when it comes to this stuff. But I think having a set of rules makes a big difference, you know,

in the way you want to be treated. And I think it's okay to ask somebody, what are we doing? What is this? Because it feels like garbage to me. You know, it feels like you're taking advantage or it feels like, you know, And people are so afraid that that conversation is going to make that person disappear who's sort of only vaguely there in the first place. Right.

You know, we know what we know what intentions look like. We know what it looks like when somebody wants something. You know what you look like when you want something. You know how you behave when you want something. Right. You're not to be stopped. Right. That's the thing with we always say it.

Like if guys want to see you, they will literally stop at nothing. Like it's really, it's pretty accurate. I mean, there's guys that are shyer and they're more passive. but I've dated those guys too. And when they wanted to date me, they dated me, you know? They all have to eat. They feed themselves. Yeah.

They don't just go, God, I wish I could have a sandwich. I'd love a sandwich, but I don't know if I could make a sandwich. Maybe a sandwich will happen. Like, they fucking go get some food. Like, when people want something, they go get it, you know? Right. They go stand near you. Maybe they don't know how to talk to you, but they make whatever they know how to make

to make themselves available. Do you think if somebody's afraid to have that, conversation, which I've been, do you think it's because, like, deep down, you know that the person is not giving you the signal that it's okay to have that conversation? Yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. You know what the answer's going to be. And you're sort of like, I'd rather take half than the whole thing. So I'll just sort of hang out with this and hope that it gets better as opposed to, you know, rolling the dice and deciding, okay, I'm going to put everything on the line. I don't know. Like, my wife put everything on the line. Like, you know, at one point, she's like,

look, I'm going to be married. I'm going to have kids. It's what I want. You know, that's what I want from my life. I don't know that it'll be you, but it'll definitely be somebody. You know, and it made it really clear to me that she was serious about what we were doing, you know. And then I had the option to either go that route or get out. Yeah, I actually said something like that, not about being married and having kids,

but I had this thing with this guy recently. And I said, I want to be with somebody that likes me as much as I like them, is excited about me once to spend time with me. I didn't know nothing about a boyfriend, girlfriend, just like, I want somebody that's excited about me and whether that's you or not. You know, like I think that that's a great way to say it. It's that's not, I need you to be my husband, but I want to get married and I will and, you know, take it or leave it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I wanted to ask your sort of feedback because sort of I was rereading the book this morning and other people's take on it.

And I think a lot of like what the themes of this is that we make a lot of experience. to the rules in our mind of what we want in order to allow somebody to behave in a certain way. So I was curious, like, what you thought about, like, why do we do this? Why do we accept so little from people? Like, if he's not texting you, if he's not sleeping with you, if he's not, obviously, he's not that into you. So, like, why do we, why is it so easy for us to do these things to make these excuses? And I've made them tons in my life, too.

So it's not, it's very much me. I've done this. It's all just fear. It's fear, you know what I mean? It's just fear that you're not going to get anything. thing. So you feel like, well, this is better than nothing, even though it is nothing. And you have a fear, we have a fear that there's like scarcity. Like there's not enough guys to go around in the first place and it was hard to find this guy anyway. And so, and he does some of the

things that I like and he ticks some of the boxes and that's better than none of the boxes because being alone is terrifying to me. And, uh, and I have desires. It's very hard to, I mean, if you go into a relationship wanting nothing, you know, uh, you're, you're, you can, you You can be in pretty good shape because then you don't need really. So like managing your expectations. Yeah. Yeah. Managing your expectations.

Having very little, having, you know, knowing that you're the source of your own happiness, you know, takes the pressure off the other person. And is, I think, very attractive. You know, when you don't actually need them, they find you very attractive. Totally. Yeah, they really do. Like when you can, you know, when you can keep your own counsel and when you can, uh, be responsible for how much happiness there is in your life. You know, people want that.

They want to be around you. You've got something magical. And I think that women sometimes, and men too, but struggle with how to say what they want. And I feel like you're a great coach for things like this. It ties into don't take bullshit from people too. Right. Like just I think that a lot of them,

they don't want the tools or the language, you know, because guys call women crazy and they're naggy. and they're this and they're that and they're needy. And so I think a lot of it, we always try to state these things confidently with a purpose. Obviously, be ready to walk away is the number one thing going into any sort of what are we type conversation. But do you have any tips and tools for people that are like, I know what I want, but I don't know how to say it. The longer you don't say it, the more time you're wasting. Like at some point, you just have to be able to step up for yourself.

And I think you don't have to make it a demand. I think the problem is, is that you go into it, things. that you're saying something that's going to push the other person in the other direction, there are plenty of ways to be able to state your case without being a needy asshole. You know, there's ways to be able to say, hey, look, this is just what I'm looking for. I'm not, if you don't have it, that's fine. You know, it doesn't have to be you, but this is what I'm looking for. These are the things that are interesting to me.

You know, but again, also, I would look at what you want and figure out if you really need that or if it's something you can actually give yourself. Yeah, I think that there's so many scenarios, and I'm very guilty of this too, or we get wrapped up in our head with like, I want him to be a certain way. I want him to respond a certain way. We never paused to say to ourselves, like, am I happy? Do I even want this person? Do I want this? Like, why am I fighting so hard for this person that like is not really giving me what I need? And I've dealt with that. I think especially in major, any major cities, there's just such an abundance of people that when you find one and you connect, it's nice and it feels special. But, I've spent a lot of time, I think, accepting a little bit less than I should. And when you pause to say, like, do I even want this? I think a lot of times the answer is no. Right, right, right, right. And am I lacking in an area that I can take care of myself?

Do I, you know, do I, am I putting a need on this person that there's no way they'll be able to fill? Because most people can't fulfill your needs. You know, if you want more tenderness or if you want more this or want more that, you know, I'm supposed you can ask for those things. but at the same time, you've just got to be able to show those things to yourself. You know what I mean? And again, the better you are with out needing them,

the better off you'll be in your relationships. Well, and I think I want to know what you think about this, the whole concept of like things have to be a man's idea because I think sometimes both sexes can be impatient. So you start this conversation and you want to walk away from that date or that hang on the couch with the answer.

And I think it's hard for a lot of people to be like, why don't you think about this? Take some time away from me sitting right here, putting pressure on you and let me know what you think. And I had this happen to a girlfriend recently where her and this guy were doing this thing and she wanted more of a commitment and she expressed

that to him and then was like, let me know, you know, they were long distance, but then they end up both, they were in San Francisco, they both moved back to New York. Now they live together. They have a beautiful relationship. But she kind of gave him an ultimatum just because she's a woman in her 30s and she wants to be with somebody and settle down and they were on a great path, but he wasn't

fully committed. And it took him like a week. And I think a lot of women would be going crazy. And they're like, this is it. This is over. I haven't talked to this guy in a week. And he came back and was like, I've thought about this. And I thought about what I want. And I want to be with you. And they're great. You know, so I think the patience there was key. I don't know that I could have weighed around that long. But I always wonder if it's like it made him feel like it was more on his terms as opposed to being pressured to make a decision right now. I think anytime you let somebody come along at their own pace, you're doing yourself and then a favor. Like, yeah, we can't expect to fall in love at the same time always and we can't expect to have the same feelings at the same time all the time.

I think we think love is this magical thing where both people get intoxicated and they, you know, they feel this, this, all this wonder and it's all amazing. And, and, you know, sometimes some people take longer to fall in love or there's a big rush at the beginning and then they have a second thoughts. and then they need a period of doubt. You know what I mean? As long as you're able to say to them, look, whatever you're going through is fine. It's all fair. You know, but this is where I'm headed and maybe think about whether you want to be in this or not. That's all right.

I love that you said that. How do I say this? Not every relationship is you meet a guy. He thinks you're so great. He does everything so great. And then you're committed and the sex is good and everything's wonderful. Like, I think that people take pauses throughout those steps of the relationship. I don't think that there's one linear step to a relationship.

And I think that sometimes you meet people and it is the wrong time. Maybe he isn't texting you for a little bit. You're allowed to take a step back and wait a little bit. And a month or two later, the person can come around. I don't think that every relationship is like, you meet, you date, everything's great. Everyone acts perfectly. And I think that we should give ourselves permission to not expect that of other people. But in the meantime, I think that at least your advice is like, don't wait around for it, right?

Like live your life? Yeah. don't live, yeah, don't win around for it. Date. See other people. You know, do other things if that feels natural. But yeah, no, I think you're exactly right. I think big relationships are complicated.

So, you know, people have a lot of, you know, am I in the right place in my life? And am I just the job I want? Do I live where I want to live? And have I achieved what I want to achieve? And how is this going to mess that up? And, you know, is that going to make a difference? And so, you know, I think making room for a person to have all of

those doubts makes it a lot easier on both of them. And since we talked about love, you did a, I believe, was this a whole podcast episode or just a topic you guys discussed? I saw the headline on your Instagram and it was sometimes people just fall out of love or sometimes you stop loving somebody or? Yeah, yeah, sometimes people just stop loving you. Yeah, because that does happen and it is inexplainable. I mean, I don't know if you've ever been in it, but I definitely, in the old days, like, dated somebody and then woke up one day and went, oh, fuck, I don't like it anymore. Like, I don't have any feelings for them anymore. I don't know what happened.

They're just gone. Uh-huh. You know, and then, and that just is what happens. And there isn't always an explanation. I think people really want an explanation. Why did you call out of love? And they did I do wrong? What's wrong with me?

You know, and it's like, man, there's nothing wrong with you. I just don't like you anymore. And it's with friendships, too. Like, we've, we've had friend breakups with that, you know, I had a friend breakup. We were friends for 10 years. I don't miss her. Like, I hate to say it.

It's like just relationships can run their course and a guy waking up and being like, I don't love you anymore. It's the thought that even saying it is heartbreaking to me and for any woman that's had to experience that. But right. I mean, I think most men can dig deep and find things along the way that got them to that point. But do you feel like as humans that sometimes you just lose feelings? Yeah, you just run out of gas.

I think that happens in marriages sometimes. I think some marriages are fine. and then they run out of gas or somebody wants something else out of their life. Or they've outgrown the relationship and they feel like they don't need that person anymore. They know all they need to know. I mean, it's sort of, I know it sounds sad, but it just is sort of the way of relationships. It's not a good or bad thing. It just is the way it is.

But it's hard to say. That's the problem. So like women get blindsided because a man can't say we ran out of gas. Right. We ran out of gas or I just stopped. You know what I mean? Because there has to be a reason. And why can't we go back and find that thing?

that we had at the beginning and it's like that was just a moment they're all moments yeah i think that everybody wants reason yeah everybody does want reason no my god no people that's the biggest question i get all the time is why i get why all the time i'm like i don't know because he just ran on a guess i don't know you know it's really hard to say and and also if you had that even if there was a reason you knew the reason it isn't going to help you i love that advice and my mom told me that i remember i had this like terrible breakup and i was hysterical and my mom's a therapist um and I was asking all these questions about, like, why did he cheat on me? Why did he manipulate me?

And my mom said, what's the difference? Like, if you knew the answer, what's the difference? And it's not going to change what he did. It's not going to change the relationships over. And I think in hindsight, everything is super clear in hindsight, you know? And I did have somebody come home one night that I was living with that I was going to marry and, like, woke me up and said, I'm not in love with you and I'm not going to marry you. And that is, like, exactly what he said to me.

And it's, I mean, obviously the hardest conversation I've ever had. but I was very blindsided then, and I didn't understand the reason then, but it's taken me years. And I do understand it very well, but I think that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves to get that reason right this second. Because it took me years of therapy and talking to people to understand what the why was. And thank God that guy did that. What a favor he did? What if he had gone ahead and married you? Yeah, I've been looking at his Instagram a lot lately. And yes, thank God.

Thank God that is not my problem anymore. Yeah, they are. But I like what you're saying about, you know, we want to blame ourselves, dig deep. And I just, I think that it's nice to give yourself permission to understand. Like, sometimes the reason is just like you weren't the one. And that's it. You weren't the one. That was it.

Yeah. I know. I know. It isn't as complicated as people want to make it. I mean, it's difficult. It's very difficult to have someone's affection and lose it, you know, because you, you think that you're getting value from them liking you. But it really is just you reaffirming all the things.

things that you like about yourself and the potential that they make you feel. And it never really is them. It's always you. Wow. Right. Well, that's the thing. It is. It is.

People that see their own worth bounce back quicker. It just is what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. If you love yourself and you know how amazing you are, you are going to get over hard, but we're all going to be disappointed. We're human. We have feelings.

You're going to miss somebody. You're going to miss the whatever it was, the sex or the companionship. But if you really know that you're worthy, you're just going to get over it quicker. It's what people feel like their self-worth is gone. Exactly. And I mean, that's the hardest thing for everybody to do, but to know your own value changes all of these problems.

Well, and you do, so your brand now is it, which is that, is a brand or right word to use this, this, don't take bullshit from fuckers. So tell us about it. And it's, it's everything, right? It's love life, career. It's love life, career. Yeah, it's, it's, it's situations, it's conditions.

it's really and a lot of it is and when you come down to it, it's you. It's you taking all the information that you have and using it against yourself to sabotage yourself and take bullshit. I mean, the biggest fucker of all is you because you can do whatever you want with the information you get from a person or a place or a situation and it's how you process that stuff and what you do with it that makes it harmful to you. We all love to harm ourselves. I mean, we all love to, you know, run bad stories about ourselves over and

over again or have fear. And so, you know, you want to process that stuff. Is that the basis of it? Is that it's your sabotaging yourself? Or do you work through like how to deal with external people that really are like not serving you? Yeah. You learn how to deal with it. We like to put fuckers on a list. I like to make a list of my fuckers in a notebook. Because it feels like you're going to, you got a plan. And then you write out all the bullshit that they, all the bullshit that they make you feel or the things that they've said or the things that they've done, you write it all down. And then on the opposite page, you write the opposite of everything you've written there. You write the opposite of it, how it makes you feel and what the situation is. And then you redact, you put a line

through and cross out all the bullshit. And you just keep the page of all the things that are the opposite of that and reread it to affirm it to yourself. And you cross that person off your list, then you make a decision. You're like, what does this person give me? What does this person take away from me, is this somebody that I want in my life? And, you know, and then you make a decision to eliminate people from your lives or to set a boundary for somebody that you can't eliminate like a family member. Right. Or you're like, I have to have you in my life, but I don't have to have your bullshit.

So here's how it's going to go from here on now. I like writing stuff down. I think that it sounds sort of like you're literally keeping a list of stuff that people do to you, but I have found it really helpful in relationships that have been really toxic to me to make that list. And it helps you to not think that you're so crazy because you're like, okay, these are, I can identify this. There's a book.

You can actually buy it. It says, don't take bullshit from fuckers on the outside. And then on the inside, there it is. And I write in it all the time. Yeah. And it's everybody from family members to money. Sometimes money is a fucker. So I write that down.

So let me ask you. Okay, so you probably do a lot of like relationships, dating stuff. What kind of bullshit are women taking today that you see all the time from fuckers? I mean, it's all the stuff that we've talked about. I mean, it's a lot of the stuff that I based the whole first part of my career on and he's just not that into you. You know, it's just intolerable behavior from people who, you know, can't get it together to fucking give you a fucking phone call or to show up to something they said they would do or to be the person they said they were going to be. you know, and then we look at actions because actions are the only thing that actually matter. You know, people say stuff all the time. Words are, I hate to say it, but they're close to

meaningless at times, you know, if there isn't an action that follows up, you know, so a lot of people, you know, but he said this, I know, but he didn't do shit. He didn't fucking do anything. He said he loved you, but then he didn't show up or he didn't call or he didn't do the thing he said he was going to do. My very first boyfriend, like my first series boyfriend that I like said, I love you too, lost my virginity too. It was the first person that ever said action speak loud of the words. Like it's so groundbreaking.

But I just didn't think about that. Like I, you know, you think about when you're young, you're in high school, like you just want somebody to call you your girlfriend. But like you, it's like that's all you care about. You care about a label and something arbitrary. And you start to learn that that means nothing. And yeah, it can mean something. But it's that actions mean so much more.

and I feel like I learned it at a young age of like watch what people are doing. And yes, words of affirmation. It's a love language. It means something. Words do mean something, but not when the actions don't match them. And it's like we want to scream sometimes. It's stories our friends and other people tell us of like, but he said this. It's like, who fucking cares?

Who cares? Words are lazy. You know what I mean? They're lazy and everybody can you, everybody uses them. Everybody uses them. And they're lazy. And, and, and I've said things to my wife that are meaningful, but I, it's when I do things for her that make a difference.

You know, it's when I do the things that, that make her life more comfortable, how I can be of service of her. I mean, to me, all relationships are service. How can I help you? How can I make your life better? What, what could I do to make it better? You know, and the rest of it's just talk. Yeah.

In that vein, I want to, like, say somebody to you and ask your, like, take on it. So Ashley and I do a lot of, well, not anymore live shows, but we've done some Instagram live shows recently and we ask people to send us dating stories. And Ashley and I sometimes will sort through several hundred of these stories while we're prepping for these shows. And I found myself getting a little frustrated at the last batch. And, you know, we read all these stories and they're supposed to be like funny date stories about like what guys do on dates and their behavior.

And the behavior range is a huge range. Some of it's a little predatory. But usually it's just in the ballpark of like, He acted like a jerk. He didn't pay for this thing. He diminished me or degraded me or treated me like a slap, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I would say in a lot of emails more so than not, the end of the email was like he did all this crazy stuff. And I fucked him once and then I just never talked to him again.

And I felt like disappointed that that was the end. I mean, I'm guilty of this too. But I felt disappointed that that was the end of a lot of the stories. Like he acted like this terrible person and I fucked him anyways and then whatever. And I just started thinking like, are we, this is like the most care of it. Are you Carrie Bresch? I couldn't help it. I couldn't help a wonder.

Yeah, I couldn't help a wonder. Someone across town, Miranda. We should all thrive to be Miranda. Okay. Ashley and I are team Miranda. We'll talk about it. I started wondering, I couldn't help but think, like, are we as women accepting less for men than we ever have and why? Like, I would never go on record saying anything kind of like that.

about what women are up to because there's no way I could speculate. It's a big population. I would be mansplaining if I said something like that. I think a lot of times fucking is a solution for people. They think, okay, well, I've tried this. I've tried this. I've tried this. I'll try fucking.

And maybe fucking will make the difference, you know. And that doesn't mean that some people don't want to just fuck because they want to fuck and have sex. Totally. And that's completely valid. But usually then they're not telling you a story. about the relationship because they just wanted to fuck and they don't really care. But if they use fucking as part of it,

it was sort of probably an attempt that like he was crazy here and he's weird here and he's not great here. Maybe we're fucking not make a difference and it doesn't usually. And then you move on. So I think it's just part of a series of choices that you're making to try to, I don't know, figure somebody out, you know, appeal to them. I mean, it's an appeal. fucking is an appeal to somebody.

You know, I'm letting you have my body. How about that? Does that work for you? You know? And I guess it depends on what they think of sex in their head. Like a lot of women equate sex with love and intimacy. So it's like, you know, people that say, fucking, this is for physical pleasure.

And then some women that say I fucked him one last time, that was their last ditch effort that he might fall in love with them, you know, which is a little sad. But it's true. So. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, um,

And I don't know that it's not that experience for men, but it seems like men take it a little less seriously. It's a different experience, I think, for men. I think our sexual relationship could do. So let's ask you a question about men that you can speak on since you're a man and you won't be mansplaining. Are men worse than they've ever been? That's sort of what I was getting at. Is the behavior worse than it's been? and are we

and are we a part of the cycle of accepting this? And by the way, I just want to say that Ashley and I are team, fuck anybody that you want, okay? Sleep with people, enjoy sex. If you want to sleep with somebody, never see them again, do that. So I'm not shaming anybody for that,

neither is actually. Sure. I don't, you know, it's funny because when I was, when the book happened and I was on Oprah, there was no internet really. I mean, there was. Not like there was now.

It was the pioneer days. But so it was hard to tell. whereas now I hear from people all the time. So it does seem like men are worse because I'm hearing from more people, you know, but I don't know that it's just not the number of people that I'm hearing from and that it's always been the same way. I mean, there are, there seems to be very little real dating anymore, which I think is a problem just because all dating is is vetting somebody, you know.

And whenever we, you know, you don't just walk onto a car lot and buy a car, you go to a bunch of different places and you do a little reading and you do a little research and you ask friends and you try and figure out what's the right car to buy but then you know with relationships we don't nobody's taking the time to really

vet the person that they're with you know so I feel like that's sort of a problem and and so there's no real there's no real signposts as to whether something's going well or not because there's no form there's no form to it anymore

you know There used to be a form to it. And that just makes me old. That's the thing, too. It's like, is it worse or do we just know more because we have Instagram and DM slides and TikTok and all these other things? You know, people just. And I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's easier for men to have sex now than it ever has been. Yeah. And I think they enjoy. I think they enjoy that because there are people that will have sex with them. And I just don't know how people are being raised, you know? Yeah. I mean, you know, like I, you know, it's, I don't, I don't know.

that like I don't know that my daughter's been on but maybe one proper day. Well, what do you tell your, like, how are you dealing with, geez, 15 and 18? Those are two such pivotal ages. I mean, I, to raise daughters. I mean, do you freak out ever? Are you like, what is going on in these apps? Like, what, how do you know? No, no, I stay as far away from as possible. As a dad, as a dad, I think it's crucial to say, I think you have value. but I also trust you're going to make your own decisions. And you're smart enough to know what the right decisions are. And I'm here for you.

But I'm not, it's not my business. You know, I don't ask. And when I have asked, the few times I have asked, it's like, dad, seriously, get out of here. Yeah, I mean, you, like, forbid stuff. Like, you can't be in Instagram. All they want to do is go on Instagram. Like, that was, I was watching Chris Alia's new special. He talks about how he's next.

never tried drugs or alcohol because his parents were like, yeah, they were really lax about it. So he never wanted to. Like, I feel like the, I had really loose rules growing up. And it just, I was just a good kid because of it. Like, I drank and partied, but I never needed to, like, rebel because my parents were like, we trust you. And, you know. Yeah, that's sort of the way it is here. That's the way it's been here. That's the way we've done it. And they're very close with their mom. And their mom has super high standards. And so, so far, there haven't been, there hasn't been any problem. I'm always disappointed there aren't any, that boys aren't coming over. I could use the companion and you should have. Right.

They had a dude around the house. She wants some dudes at the house. Yeah. Just some dudes. Well, you said that you do coaching. I'm curious, is there like a topic and a theme that you're seeing a lot in like romantic relationships that you feel like you feel really passionate about coaching about? It's all the same. I just try and help people get past stuff that they're stuck on because people get stuck on one particular guy or one particular instance and they can't seem to sort of get past it. But then we make a plan and then they're really excited that they didn't go on his Instagram for 60 days. Oh, is that part of the plan? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no contact.

So exercising self-control. Yeah, self-control and just get out of it. It's not your business. None of your business what they're up to. They're gone. They're over. That's it. Get out of there.

I do think that. And it doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter if they're on yours. Let them be on yours. That's fine. show them that you're living a great life. But you don't need to know. It doesn't matter.

It's just not going to make you feel better. Like we always say that, well, sometimes they can get really like ugly and fat. It does make me feel better. But like I just think it's not going to be like Raina always says if you break up with somebody, the only thing you're going to see on their Instagram most of the time is stuff that's going to bother you. It's not that they're going to be posting like, I'm so sad. And, you know, I'm in a, I'm in a shame spiral.

and I hate my life. Like, that's not what people post on social media. So whether they're living their best life or not, they're going to appear to be. So it's not going to serve you. And it's one of the best things. I mean, I went through a pretty bad breakup. And I just had to block him.

I couldn't look because I was like, I feel tense in my body if I see him and what he's up to. But you give yourself the permission to not know. Like, it's beautiful not to know. I mean, ignorance really is bliss. It's like, I don't know. You know, for a while I was. digging, I was like really

watching the news and reading articles and then I just quit one day. I'm like, I don't need to know. I know enough about the coronavirus. It's just not helping me. It's just not helping me anymore. I don't need to know what the other states are doing. I don't want to know about the protesting. I don't want to know about that stuff.

I think that's great advice. Just let me know when it's time. Just let me know this time to take the mask off. That's all. Right. I think it's really important to stay informed, but I do actually feel like I've stepped away from the news and it has helped me. I mean, I've spent all my time stalking my ex-boyfriends. So it's the news or stocking my exes.

But I feel great because none of them are thriving. But you can go, if those are guys you don't care about, it's like you can go back to the old ones once the feelings are gone. But when you're still fresh off of a breakup, like I like this ignorance is bliss in terms of the news. And this isn't to ignore the news, but you can only digest so much. And you can take a full day or two away. Nothing's going to change.

Like, we're all in our homes. Be safe. respect the guidelines and just take a break. Like I just, I think it can, there's no, you don't really, you don't have to keep up every day. Guys, so, okay, so think of your ex as the coronavirus and just don't fucking check in on it. It doesn't matter. You don't need to know any more about the coronavirus. You know the coronavirus is awful.

You know that it kills people. Yeah. Let it kill someone else. Let your ex. Fuck someone else's life up. Do everything you can not to get the coronavirus. I mean, it really is. I mean, that really is.

way to look at it. It's exactly like the coronavirus. Wow. You know, your ex is the coronavirus. All of my exes. That's the episode title. And someone else can catch that shit. Okay, your ex is the coronavirus. Let somebody else get that. Very sneaky. Never to see them coming. You never see. Love old people. Has an old people fetish. Wait. Oh my God. I love it. That's true. All my exes are younger than me. They all have an

old person fetish. Oh my God. No. Save. Amazing. How did we get here? This is so true. Holy cow. Is that true?

Yeah. Not like crazy. Like a year or two. Oh, okay. Mine are like 10 years. We date younger guys. Listen, I want to wrap up and talk to you a little bit about sex in the city if you're open to it. Yeah, sure.

If I can remember. Yeah. First of all, also, we got to back up. How did you get the job of token straight male? on the most popular show that ever existed. You really just glossed right over that. You guys will love this story. The executive producer was a guy named Michael Patrick King,

and he was a stand-up. And so we did stand-up together. And at this place called Uncabre, which is where all the alternative, the young alternative comics came from back in the day. You know, the Janine Garofalo, David Cross, Mr. Show, Pat and Oswald, that whole crew. And Michael Pecky.

Dr. King became the executive producer of Sex and the City. And then, and he and I were close and he was gay. And he said that I was the guy that he wished that he was trying to be when he was trying to be straight. And then one day he came to me and said, the staff of seven women and two gay men and we need someone to come over here and tell us what pussy tastes like. And I didn't even realize, I didn't realize he'd asked me a question. Like, I was like, what? you're like how much time do you have i mean it's going to take a while it's a lot to talk about

right they're all different but that is that's how he asked me yeah it's like wine wow sometimes you take the quark out and you can't put it back in wow and you just like went and stayed for you and then i went there and i went there yeah yeah yeah and on the first day that was the that was the actual question and then and then i stayed and then as my life evolved i got married and kids and all that stuff and people on the show got married and had kids. And so I had, I always had a reason to be there. That's such a good story.

And I love that, that they were like, look, it's a show about women and the women are in charge, but we need a straight male on this. Yeah, we've got all these guys that are, you know,

we've got these stories that are going to run. You know, it's not just the day to the week. It's, you know, and also we want to know, what are your, you know,

what are the sexual, what are the fetishes or things that you've come across or what are your experiences? is having sex because we need to be able to build out both sides of the equation. Right, because that's, I mean, if you, if there's a show that was all about men, but there's still a bunch of women characters, like, if I'm watching entourage, I hope that there's a woman on the staff that was like, hey, a girl wouldn't say that. I know you think she would from your male gaze, but like we wouldn't say that. And so why don't you ask me to make this

storyline more accurate? Yeah. I mean, and that's the way writer's rooms used to be. There would be like a token woman in the room. But this was the opposite and very cool. And then it was all women. The token straight dick. And a token straight guy. Well, Ashley and I did an episode, we want to talk to you about this, almost two years ago. We called it Fuck You, Carrie Bradshaw.

It was about sex in the city and about how the main relationship throughout the show is the relationship that we all grew up aspiring to have. And really, like, we called, I think Ashley coined it like big was the original fuckboy. And that actually all the other relationships in the show are really beautiful and wonderful and aspirational. Samantha and Smith and Miranda and Steve and Harry and Charlotte. So we would love to talk to you a little bit about the relationship that Big had with Carrie. And, you know, why do we all aspire to this? He just treated her like shit for the entire time that they knew each other.

I mean, if there was ever really, he's just not got into who would be that particular relationship. Well, and what it did for women. Like, and then even the, if we got to the end, I don't, I pretend the second movie didn't happen. I just, I hated it. So I've seen the first one I love, but he still fucked her over. Like, it never ended. No, it, I mean, it was great. You have to have a flawed character as you're leaving.

And it has to last for 10 years. Like, we get it. It had to be stringing along. It couldn't have been perfect and happy. But was it tough for you to work on Carrie and big? Because it was like, this isn't serving women? Well, they know, but at the same time, I mean, you think it is in a way because you think it's an example of what a bad relationship looks like. But we couldn't give her a good relationship, but the show would be over.

Right. You know, so we gave her the opposite with Aidan, who's the opposite of Big, right? He's 100% lovable and sweet and cute and really into it, really into the idea of a relationship. and she puts this fucking wedding ring on a chain. You know, like, Carrie is deeply flawed, deeply flawed. And not, it shouldn't be anybody's relationship icon, you know? Right. That's why she's asking what it was.

But not anymore, which I love that. That women now are like, oh, Carrie was the worst, which, but in our day, she's the protagonist. She's the one, you know, I was a writer. I related to Carrie. And you get older and you're like, everybody's shit on Miranda because she wasn't as quote unquote hot, but she's the best one. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, look, it's, it's like everybody loves Don Draper and Mad Men, and he's a fucking beast.

He's a cheating, he's a cheating alcoholic beast. I mean, the pilot makes him out to be the worst dude ever. And we're all like, I love Don. I hope it's still well for him at the advertising firm. I hope he gets a little, I hope he gets a handle and he's drinking. Well, Sons of Anarchy and the Sopranos and Mad Men are all anchored to a, to a protagonist that, are the worst people that have ever lived, but you root for them. Carrie's a little different because she's not like a murderer and an adulterer and all these terrible things. But yes, those are three of my favorite shows of all times.

Oh my God, are you watching Killing Eve? No, should I? Oh my God, she's a psychopath. She's a murderer. She's a serial killer. And you are in, her name's Villanelle and you're in love with her.

You're hoping she doesn't get killed. Yeah, yeah. Killing Eve is, it's fantastic on the BBC. I'm into that. Be too. Okay. We anchored all of our beliefs about like what relationship should be like to carry him

big. Did like to carry fuck all of us up forever? I think. I think so. I think big was such a, you know, they did such a great. He was cast so well. Yeah. You know, he was such a, because he was likable.

You know, he was a likable. Charming. He's just a sociopath. That's charming. He was charming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did. didn't know he was a bad guy. He thought he was a good guy. And we keep thinking he's going to be

reformed. We keep thinking he'll reform himself. He's going to become a new guy for Terry. But he never does. You know, and she shapeshifts as much as she can to be with him. Yeah. It's a perfect example of a bad relationship that you shouldn't be in. Did you have, did you have a favorite if like of, well, first of all, I also, I love that they decided to end the show with Samantha choosing to be alone. I thought it was a beautiful message to send that every, all four women didn't have to end up with the person. Like, I just love this whole like marriage and everything.

He's just not that into you. Yeah. But we, do you have a, do you feel tied to one character or one relationship more than the other? Were you like a Harry in Charlott, Miranda? Was there anybody you even feel like you had a little more to do with?

No, not really. I mean, I, I mean, I had a lot of input on Aiden and a lot of input. I was loud a lot of input on Emburger. Well, he's on the line, right? Didn't he say that? He's just not that India guy. Yeah. Carrie was my

favorite. She was my favorite. I liked how flawed she was. I liked how unlikable she was willing to be in the show. Sarah herself was willing to be unlikable in the show. And I thought and I liked Sarah a lot. I thought Sarah, I mean, I didn't know

any of them well at all, but, but I really liked Sarah. She was a great advocate for the show and really knew what she wanted and she was cool. Yeah, I don't think anybody would argue that that wasn't like one of the most iconic top five characters like ever for a female growing up. She's not, I didn't think of her as unlikable. I just thought the message at the end of the day. The big relationship was fucked up. But I understand from a creative point of view, what you're saying is like if we gave her this perfect relationship, there'd be no show.

So I see what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. And when she's presented with things that are workable, she screws them up. Yeah. And I don't actually, I think there was a few moments that I felt like she was a selfish friend. And there was moments for sure. But I didn't want.

I didn't hate watch it. I loved Carrie. And I think she showed up for her friends to an extent. I think some people put her in this selfish box. And I don't know if that's the right word. I think that she was a little self-absorbed. But it didn't mean that she didn't care for her family, which was her friends. And so I, people really just write her off as a terrible character.

I don't totally agree. There were moments that I could watch back now because I still watch it. It's just, and that's why we're talking to you about it now. It doesn't even feel like we're talking about this old show. You know, it's still so relevant. Or are we an audience of 22-year-old girls that they love it, you know? Love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's funny how how things over time still stand up. And I think that show still has some, you know, it's not been matched. not getting rematch. Yeah, we totally agree. Well, this brings us to a question that we did want to ask you, and it kind of ties in with sex in the city and the women being successful, but still dealing with all these relationship issues over the course of the show. And that question is the one that we get a lot in our emails and DMs, and it is our men intimidated by successful women. You know, women that make a bunch of money and have great careers. Do you think men are intimidated by that? I think, Some men are.

I mean, I think there are some men, but there are plenty of men who would just be thrilled to be a part of the whole deal. You know, not every guy needs to have some situation where he's the top dog in the situation and making all the money. And, you know, I think a lot of guys are just impressed by women who can get things done, you know. Yeah, and sometimes it's like, or they just don't like you, you know, like I think that's another thing that, well, maybe he's just intimidated because of this or maybe he just doesn't like you. I mean, it's like it. He might not, he might not like you. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Move on. Yeah. But no, but don't take less and don't let anybody, you know what I mean? Like, you can, I'm sure you can tell when you're dating a guy who's intimidated by what you're doing, you know, because they get bitchy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he's just not that into you. Maybe he's just not that into you. Well, Greg, thank you so much. This has been so wonderful. Oh, it's awesome you guys. I'm so flat. I'm so flat. I've been beyond. Yeah. I've listened. I've listened before. We didn't talk about but holes a lot. You guys talk. about buttholes a lot. Do you have any? No, no, no. I don't have any. I'm glad we didn't.

I mean. You have a butt hole. But you have a butthole just so that we're clear. But you don't have anything to add. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't have anything to add. That's funny. That's funny. Not every episode. Ashley and I'll do the heavy lifting on the butthole stuff. Don't worry. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think I think I listened to last weeks and there was plenty of it. So I think, you know, take a week off. Yeah. Take a week off from but holes. It can't all be about but holes. And oh, fuck. I don't to spoil people, you know? You got to just like dabble the butthole stuff.

Yeah, that's exactly right. That's exactly right. We'll tell everybody, I mean, we've pretty much told everybody your podcast, you do coaching, like plug all your stuff. Yeah, I mean, it's Gregors is my Instagram. You can seek me out there for coaching or whatever, ask me questions. It doesn't matter. My website is gregory baron.com.

g-r-g-O-R-Y-B-E-H-R-E-N-D-T-C-com. And if you subscribe, you get a free meditation. And that meditation is called Don't Take Bullshit from Fuckers. And that is also a book that I'm working on. And it's my podcast that I do with my buddy Kane. And we take questions and talk about, it's kind of the same, talk about dating and self-help stuff. And yeah, that's it.

That's me. In a nutshell, my stand-up is available on Amazon. My books are available on Amazon. And you're going to go back. back on tour when this is when we're unleashed. Yeah, we're all going to go back out on tour. Yeah. And I do seminars and that kind of thing. So, you know, sweet. Well, this is a pleasure. Thank you. You are, you're really like an icon to me. You wrote an iconic book. You worked on an iconic show. You're, you're a female icon. And you have a second iconic book. You guys are my new, you're my new heroes.

You're my new heroes. Yeah. I love your podcast. I think it's great. I think you guys are great. Oh, that's very flattering. Yes. Thank you so much. We're so flattered. Um, Guys, we are going to wrap up with Greg. Stick around. We have a more fun segment for you to round the show out. We'll be right back. All right, guys, we're back. Just the two of us loved talking to Greg about he's just not that into you,

but we wanted to flip the tables a little bit about when y'all, ladies, just aren't that into him. Take the power back. Take the pussy power back. I mean, I know I say this every week, but they just, the listeners keep out doing themselves. I can't keep saying this every week. I just can't. It's great. It's amazing. We have to do this again. Every week we do this. Like we're asking people like all their like answer this thing, finish this sentence. I'm like, as soon as I'm reading it, I'm like, we got to do a whole episode

about this. So Adela from a couple weeks ago wrote us this email and said that like all of our listeners had reached out to her and that they're so like incredible and smart and funny and dynamic. And like I was like, yeah, I know. We have the greatest listeners in the world. Like you guys are just so funny and great. So no shock. there. Yeah, da Adela. Okay, so this game is titled, I Just Wasn't That Into Him. And basically you guys completed that sentence.

I knew I just wasn't that into him when. And you delivered. I want to pick it off. I want to unpack it with you because I have some funny theories about this. Okay. I knew I just wasn't that into him when he had his mom pick us up from the bar because, quote, Uber prices were surging. Do you think he totally.

He told her the mom was the Uber driver. Do you think he acknowledged that it was his mom? Or do you think they both got in the backseat and she like grabbed his dick as one does after the bars? And he was like, okay, for her, that's my mom. Oh my God. No way to tell you. That is so funny. Right.

Did he try to play it off like his mom was driving for Uber? She's like, you're not even looking on your app and he's like, I know what car it is. I'll recognize that. Corolla. Oh my gosh. I want to say that, no, I want to say that he was like, I'm going to have my mom pick us up. I don't know. This is so weird.

I think maybe you could be right, though, that he just like low-key called his mom and then the corolla pulled up and he was like, oh, that's our car. It's always a corolla. I hope it was a corolla. Oh my God. Can you imagine? I like, because I love to like jerk people off in the back of an Uber.

This would be bad for me. Okay. Okay. Ooh, this is a doozy. He used the same baby voice he uses to talk to his dog during sex. He used his dog voice in the bedroom. I just, I don't want any baby voice, dog voice. I don't want any, I mean, whatever, role play however you want, but I don't want it.

Don't want it. No, no. Like, regardless of whether it's the voice. uses for the dog or not, like any, even a hint of it, I'm out. And I, you know me, I don't have a ton of deal breakers. We're going to get to some of these that I would

push past, but that is one of them. I just, no one wants you to like talk in that voice when you're like slapping my ass. I can't imagine a scenario where somebody was like, yeah, talk like a baby. Yeah. Well, guys like it because they're discussing. Okay.

Okay. I met his friend. who had only one leg, to your own prethesis shark attack. And I wanted to bang that dude way more than the one I was with. Oh, that's how you know. I met a one-legged guy,

and she's like, I'd rather fuck that guy with his one leg. Who would you rather? Okay. This is a body one as well. He had a full back tattoo of a blank film strip yet to be filled in with life's precious moments, his words.

No, it's too deep for me. It's not for me. And this came from friends of ours, the Reformed Hors. They are a comedic singing duo. I don't know if this is Katie or Marie that submitted this, but we love them. And blank film strip and he's like, it's to be filled in with life's moments. My question, okay, I understand the metaphor. I get it.

But it's like at the tattoo parlor, shouldn't you get like one or two memories just to kick it off in the film strips? Like when you have no memories? Like when you get a Pandora bracelet, like you get a charm or two. Like when you're a cage jewelry with that Pandora bracelet, you do get one or two charms. This is the Pandora bracelet of tattoos. Like you got to throw one thing in there. A birthday party, you haven't had anything memorable. He's like, do the film's trip.

I'll get the memories later. That is so specific. I love this. This, I just like, it's not so wild and crazy, but I have feelings about it. He cussed out an employee who asked him to take his feet off the chairs at a movie theater. If you are not nice to hourly employees, tipped employees, I will never go out with you again. If you're not nice to anybody, but like you need to tip well, you need to speak to the waiter nicely. You need to speak to people who are at their jobs respectfully.

That's crazy. I hate like weird power trips. Like, let me put my fucking feet up. But I mean, I get it. That's their job. And I wouldn't cuss somebody out. But I would do a heavy eye roll. But if you're ever cursing somebody out in that.

scenario like oh my god we're going to leave the restaurant before you're going to curse somebody out you're a crazy person but you had a date years ago where the guy like picked a fight with other people in the bar yeah just a animal guy um oh god it's like it wasn't even that long ago it was with the somebody that he felt was budding in line to get drinks and they were like students like they were really young like 21 22 maybe even underage and he thought this poor kid was budding in line get drinks and the bartender did wait on them first and he got in his head that we had been the line that the line had been cut and he was like in his face like don't ever fucking do it again and I was like whoop never never never fucked him that night or ever again that honestly set me

over the edge it's so disgusting also it was like a kid I apologize to the girls the kids the the the girls that were there like I'm so sorry I was so mortified that really was like I was there visiting him and that was the thing that kind of put me over the edge and I was like don't touch me ever again. I remember when you texted me about it. It was like the kickoff of our friendship. I remember when you told me about this. And like somebody that has like weird rage issues. Like yeah, it's annoying that somebody cuts

you off at a bar. But just like keep them moving. Let's act like adults. Yeah. And it wasn't purposeful. Like if somebody really did like push me in a bar or actually did something rude to me, I'd clap back. I said it before. That girl was sitting on my boyfriend. I pushed her right at the bathroom. But like I just,

it's anyway. All right. You're next. Wow. He saluted a Trump 2020 flag. Saluted. Saluted. Like he stopped in his tracks to salute the president's flag. That is crazy. Okay.

He poured me a glass of wine and then poured himself an entire glass of whole milk. In what scenario? I know you're going to tell me that Matt does it. He Matt Heseltine will pour himself a pint glass of milk. And we love him. Yeah, this would not be a deal breaker. I'm just trying to think of a scenario in which, like, he's drinking milk and you're drinking wine. But I don't hate this because it's like, this is clearly a guy that didn't want to drink and he's not stopping you from drinking.

And I think that's nice. Yeah, you guys want a guy that's six, seven, 300 pounds. It's big and strong and can protect you. He should be drinking his milk like Matt Hustle. Okay. I have a food in Bev 1-2 that got, that made me L-O-L. Oh, God. This guy's too woke for his own good.

He got angry at the. stereotype that Italians like pasta. A whole fight. Not even kidding. In what scenario is that derogatory? Pasta is Italian. What do you thought? It was a slur? Yes, Italian's like pasta. We don't like to be diminished into the grains that we eat. No, but I don't think this guy's Italian is what I'm saying. I think that this is just a person that's too woke and can't deal with any stereotypes. Yes, he could be Italian. I don't know the backstory here. If you, girl, you can DM us on this one because I got to know. I think this is just a person. I think this is just, a guy that's like too woke and he's like no stereotypes and she said something about italians liking pasta and he was like no you've gone too far he's tangentially offended by this get the fuck out of here because italians are as a whole not a super offended bunch you know like i know plenty of italians you do too we live in new york i don't know an italian that would be offended that you assumed they like pasta

they like pasta and so does everyone else okay i just want to want somebody to look at me and say she looks like she looks pasta. Okay. Fair. Okay. All right. This is just, you don't have to go.

He told me he takes annual cruises with his family. If it's a family thing, it's, I mean, I'm not going, but it's your fan. We did one as a family because my aunt and uncle were super into it. I mean,

that was the first and last time, but you can't be mad at it. I know families that go to Disney World every year, live your truth. I've never been on a cruise I don't know I mean in my mind cruises like could be fine

you get all banged up you look like shit why not I'm not going right you go live your truth I gotta hear what you think of this one okay

I heard him doing snot rockets in the shower okay it makes me really gag but like my dad does it so does my brother like I just

it grosses me out but it's not a deal breaker It's not on the floor. We all do weird shit. Like we just do. Like we all do weird gross shit with our bodies. I don't want to hear it. Please stop.

Let's turn some music on. Let's get something going in there. So I don't hear your shower. It's not Rockets anymore. But it's not a jailbreaker for me. Yeah. I mean, some girls said that like some guy spit on his own floor. And I was like, well, that is weird to me.

That I wouldn't like. This person is a sociopath. He didn't pet my dog any of the times my dog. my dog walked up to him. Walked up to him. I'll get there. How? How do you not touch an animal that's touching you? I'm looking to Dewey right now. Unless he was allergic, which is a deal breaker, but I don't know. He's just, he's, he probably puts his shoes on or he probably does sock shoe, sock shoe too. Oh my God, great call. He's a sock shoer. Um, okay. This one hits close to home. he had a breath elizer installed on his car because of a prior DUI.

Well, I mean, you would be attracted to him. You know, you guys go a DUI class together. I have never had the breathalyzer in my car because I had good lawyers. And I have dated three guys with prior DUIs because, you know, that's my type. And they never had it either. It wouldn't, it would be a deal breaker if he was drinking. and got behind the wheel. But just having it in the car, it's like I couldn't judge.

I feel like, I don't know, I don't judge it that hard. Like, I mean, listen, in the days of Uber, there really is no excuse for ever getting behind the wheel. But like, I'm not going to lie and say I didn't make terrible unsafe decisions in college. And it is by the grace of God that I'm alive. I never heard another person. And I didn't get pulled over and arrested. So I think that people make mistakes, you know.

Yeah, for sure. And it's just, yeah, really no excuses these days. It's so easy to not drink and drive. But there's no excuse anytime. You know, again, I fucked up. But I wouldn't judge it because, you know. Been there. Okay.

This is interesting. He told me he hooked up with another girl because I was the one who put the idea in his head. What? More info, please. I know. Somebody's sending more information. She probably was like, that girl is hot. and you would probably fuck her.

And he's like, well, then I will. That I did. Girls, be careful with that. That's how the guys are like, wait, I never thought of that, but I do now. Mm-hmm. Okay. This one feels like this was you that they were making out with. But, um, no, I'm just kidding.

She said, we went to make out the first time and he opened his mouth so wide. I heard his jaw click. Did that happen to me with another person? And you cannot get that out of your head. Why did your mouth open that wide? I don't know. I kissed somebody the other day. a while ago pre-COVID and we were making out and he just opened his jaw up while we were making

out. I don't know so I could like fit my head in there or something and he was like darting his tongue out at me while I can never feel like I can't ever stop thinking about it. I will think about it forever till the day I die. If you are opening your mouth for a French kiss and your jaw clicks, you're doing it wrong. Like it's one of those skills everybody should just like have. You're just born with it. It's like I don't know if I know how to kiss you do. Everybody knows that. had a kiss except for that guy and the one I'm talking about. Okay. I'm another sexual one for you.

I didn't want to let him go down on me and I'll let pretty much everyone go down on me. That's all I would know. I know. This one's for you. Like I said, any man off the street. This one's for you. Okay. He said he loved the movie stepbrothers so much.

He'd get a tattoo of it. I'll go with you. I'll go with you to the tattoo parlor, not a deal breaker. What would the tattoo be? Catalina Wine Mixer. That was I didn't tell me. This reminds me of an episode we did like years ago. We were talking about like things that some people think are funny and that's like a deal breaker or whatever. And we talked about going on a first date at Dave and Busters and like I would think that's hilarious.

I would like that. Other girls would be like absolutely not. If I met a guy that had a tattoo that said the Catalina wine mixture, I would marry that guy. Marius. That person is hilarious. And if it was in fancy script, if it was even better. Like right here or right along the inside of his arm, fancy script. fancy script along his bicep that says Catalina wine mixer, you're my soul bait.

South fighting for him. For real. Like you see it and you're like, oh, it's like a family crest. Nope, it's the Catalina wine mixer. Oh my God. I love it so much. I would date that guy. I'm, all right, this made me laugh.

He forgot we had already been on a date. Okay. Again, more information. Define date. Like, yeah, like how long ago was. Was it? Right. Did you meet him at a club and go home and fucking blacked out five years ago?

Yeah, that's the thing. There was a topical. There was that sex in the city episode where Samantha said she'd fucked everyone in the city and she was having repeats that she'd forgotten about. Like, do you ever, I have moments sometimes where a guy that I hooked up with or even maybe dated popped into my head. And I'm like, I forgot about that person because it was 10 years ago, you know? Same.

Yeah, like this guy whose virginity I took in Cancun at the All You Can Eat. drink resort that I went to when I was 19. Yeah. Okay, this one comes from Kate, my best friend. Sorry, Raina. Your family. I was here for this. He tried to mansplain how to do my job incorrectly by explaining the concept of ROI.

Kate and I still call this guy ROI to this day. Kate's been married for a long time. I think she's been with Jay for 10 years. Like this moment, we were cringing. He was like, Kate was in the entry-level PR job. He was trying to explain to her how to do it. Man-splained her. It was so bad.

And we were, like, that was the night that she never talked to him again. But then she did say, like, I'm sorry, I just need space. And he interpreted that as to bring over a wine bottle and flowers and leave it and break into her building and put it on our doorstep. And said, the card said beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady. And she was like, I told you I needed space. He's one of our favorites to talk about. I love this. Oh my God.

I just don't ever mansplained to be my job. I saw another one in that. I saw another one in that. He tried to mansplained my job to me. I have two more. Okay, I'll do two more too. Both strong. This one made me gag a lot, so just get ready.

He dipped his PB and J into mayonnaise. No. I didn't even know you could do that. Can you imagine? I don't know if it's. It's real. It's too disgusting to be real. So we bring us to the secondary game, we like to play pretty much behind all y'all's back all the time, which is, is this a lie? I would rather a guy dip his dick in mayonnaise and lick it off himself than dip a peanut butter and jelly sandwich into mayonnaise.

And that is coming from someone that loves peanut butter, jelly, bread, and mayonnaise. Same. All my favorite food groups. I love mayonnaise. There's pretty much nothing I will put mayonnaise on. Put it on my pussy. Not on my Pee and J. That is disgusting. I am sick. Horrified. Yeah, I break up with him too. All right, we'll do another food related one. Okay. He couldn't open a jar pickles. He wasn't strong enough to twist it off.

I'm sorry, but the visual I couldn't forget. Boyfriend, that's your girlfriend. I hope that bitch just took it and did it for him. He's like, I loosened it. I loosened it. That's the funniest thing. I started off loosening it for you. All right, say this for last, because it's so funny to me.

I can't even believe, I can't believe I've read this. He brought his own flavor mixed to the bar. to add to his vodka and soda because quote unquote it was less calories. Nope. Own flavor packet at the bar. Making his own drinks at the bar. Could you imagine you're with, he orders a vodka soda and he just like whips out a liquid I-B

a crystal light. Just for flavor. A crystal light. Here's the thing. I respect that diet game if that's what you're doing to drink and maintain calories. But figure out how to suck down a splash along. juice, Tristan. I cannot.

Get out of here with your crystal light packet. You know what's your mind? I don't know if your mom ever did. My mom used to bring her own salad dressing to restaurants and that little spray bottle. Oh my God. Weight watchers.

Weight watchers points. I knew you're going to say wait watchers. Okay. He said he couldn't physically do doggy style. And and push your pelvic bone forward. You don't even need to fuck. I can fuck you fully. You could just stand there.

It is the only position where another person literally doesn't even need to participate, okay? You don't even have to participate. Maybe it was the guy with one leg. I wonder if he just has a skewed vision of doggy style. Like maybe he thinks you could only be on your knees. Maybe he has bad knees. I need more information on this one as well. Girl, if you wrote this, do DM us if you know the answer because this doesn't sound right.

I'll do everything. Oh, my God. Well, that was such a fun game, you guys. I'm so turned on. I'm so turned on with the thought of somebody just literally standing there while I fuck them doggy style. I'm so turned on by it. All right. Well, that's a hot teaser next week.

We have a sex episode coming your way. I'm not going to give it away. I'm not going to say the guest or anything, but we're super excited. And it's going to be hot. So don't listen with your parents. Or do, but you just know that you'll never be able to see them again. Can't look them in the face again. Well, we hope you guys like this episode.

And you can find us on Instagram at Girls' Got to Eat podcast. reina dot greenberg ash hess our website girls got eatpodcast.com for tour dates and merchandise youtube.com slash girls got to eat girls underscore got to eat on twitter and we'll see you next week thanks guys bye