Girls Gotta Eat - Is It Purely Platonic?

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

We're talking about friends of the opposite sex -- addressing the age-old question "Can men and women just be friends?", discussing what healthy, platonic relationships look like, and deep diving on JEALOUSY. We're breaking down being jealous/skeptical of a partner's friendships (from both sides) and how to handle it, from the self-talk to distinguishing the difference between innocent and suspicious behavior to deciding if someone's jealousy is a dealbreaker. And we're sharing our listeners' "mutual friend zone" behaviors with their besties. Plus, we recap the season premiere of The Bachelorette (well, mainly Dale Moss), give a surprising cinnamon broom update, and share our feelings on guys' hand size. Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners this week: Quip: Go to getquip.com/gge right now to get your first refill free. Tushy: Go to hellotushy.com/gge to get 10% off your order. Nutrafol: Get 20% off at nutrafol.com with code GGE. Daily Harvest: Get 25% off your first box at dailyharvest.com with code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am falling for her so deeply. How could these other men that are in her orbit not like her like that? They don't. I got to tell you. Can't stress is enough. You're the only one that wants to fuck me. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eve. Welcome back.

It's gloomy out. That's how we like it. You remember we used to rain every single time we had something important to do? Every day. Came in hot for our first live show looking like a drowned rat. You're like, this is my dad. Hey, do you want to maybe say how to my dad who you've never met? He's heard all about you.

It's having the worst day of my life. You're really cute. Yeah, every show. Every show there was a torrential downpour or a blizzard. Yeah, they're back. I feel like it's both. It hasn't been rainy though. Like, when it's, it's been so, like, I love a good rainy day.

It rained yesterday. But it hasn't been. Right. It's been so sunny and great. I feel like the universe. Not to brag. We're going to give people a break. It's a pandemic.

Everything's terrible. We'll give you some sun. You know how you were like waiting for me to have a conversation with you about like how late we always start recording because like, you know, we always plan on one. And then you know, you've kept me here until five. And you're like, I've just been waiting. I've been waiting for you to tell me I need to dress better to record. Why? I feel like, especially since I started working out, I look so sloppy every day because I like work out, take a shower, come over to be with you. And I was like zipping up this hoodie. And I was like, oh, this is not cute. Why would I tell you to look better? Because the worst you look that I'm the pretty one. It's been your strategy all along? What you look like doesn't reflect on me, bitch. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. People watch this and they're like,

the other one used to be cute. She's not anymore. Great. Say it. Awesome. We're dressed the same. We're both wearing leggings and black sweatshers. I feel like you have leisure and up cuter than I do.

I do, but that's my style. That's your thing. You do other stuff cuter than me. Like what? Overalls? I used to do overall. This is my vibe anymore. Okay.

I do feel like my athleisure game has stepped. up, but I don't wear it over here. Because I'm just like, we're sitting on the couch. It's cute. This is like homie, you know, I'm not going to get dressed up to come over. I just, I could never tell you how to dress because I wouldn't, because that means I got to step my game up. I have no room to talk is what I'm saying.

But anyway, so you have a new purchase in your apartment. Oh my gosh. Okay. So first of all, last week's episode, if you didn't listen, stop what you're doing right now and go back and listen. It's truly one of the funniest episodes. Yeah, fuck this episode. People were, people were, fuck.

Fuck this episode. It was just us. No. We had, it was one of my truly most favorite, most hilarious episodes. We were getting tagged in the funniest stuff. People were like fucking up during getting their eyelashes done. They were falling off the treadmill. People couldn't, they couldn't get out of their car because they were crying, laughing. People like were dry heaving, almost throwing up. They were laughing so hard. Like, it was really so funny. These are tags, I'm saying. These are people were saying. Yeah. Ash is not just imagining that you guys were dry hitting in your car. I just, I felt it. I felt the energy. And we talked about a Trader Joe's cinnamon broom. Yes. Last week, at the point of the cinnamon broom, I did not own one. Do you think everybody knows what a cinnamon broom is, by the way? Okay.

If you don't know, also, if you want to go back, there is even a clip on our Instagram about the whole decor of cinnamon broom situation. Situation. It's just a broom that smells like cinnamon. You get them at Trader Joe's and. I'm sure fucking places like home goods and shit. And they just smell your home up. I do remember having one so many years ago in my Atlanta apartment.

I always have loved the smell of cinnamon. But the cinnamon, the Atlanta apartment was really big. It was bigger. Okay. So we had this whole conversation with the cinnamon broom. At that point, I didn't own one in this lifetime. I had just seen it in the Trader Joe's. Then the next day, I went to Trader Joe's, and I took a picture of it,

and I sent it to Usama. a little flirty, you know? I was like, what is the most embarrassing thing you've ever bought to find a reason to text a guy? But I didn't have to buy it, I just took a picture. But then I was like, I'm going to buy it. 99 cents.

Yeah, maybe I'll come over to visit the room. For the medium size. So there's like a big, that's like a broom, big giant broom, medium size, 99 cents in Trader Joe's at the checkout aisle. And then there's like mini tiny brooms because I didn't know this, but people were like tagging us in their cinnamon brooms.

And I saw like a baby. So I bought this medium size. I got it in the apartment. I could not handle the potency of the smell. It wasn't even out of the bag. It wasn't even out of the bag and it was overwhelming me. And then I was like, okay, maybe I got to air it out. So I took it out of the bag.

It was in the corner. I couldn't breathe. It was so potent. I cannot live. I put it outside. I'm like, maybe it'll air it out outside. I put it outside of the patio. Tell me why.

I was in my bedroom. The window was open. I could still smell that shit through the window. I feel like I can taste it right now. What is going on? It is the potent. Suffocate. Honestly, I just think it's like one of those things in theory.

You like the idea. Like I made a horrible mistake. I love the smell of the hotel lobby at the one hotel. And I was like, I got to get the smell. I got to get the smell. And I bought a diffuser of that smell. My apartment, I want to die. I hate the way it smells.

It's too much. It's too much. I liked it for one second. I liked it while I was checking into a hotel for 30 seconds. I don't want this in my home. Well, I do love can. I mean, I have a candle burning right now that's got like a cinnamon smell. But like something about that broom.

I don't know what, well, you know, there's weird shit going on at Trader Joe's, whatever they're doing. We cut this part last week, but they got some, the place has weird sexual energy. A friend of mine said he thinks everybody there is Antifa. It's just, they got weird shit going on. How they get those low prices, I don't understand. They have something going on in there. So whatever they're lacing the cinnamon broom with, like, it is unbearable.

It's outside in the rain right now. I'm done with it. It cannot be in the house. It's too potent, a giant cinnamon room. I mean, you know the length of that patio is, I don't know. It's 20 feet long. It's long. It's a huge patio. Yeah. You're looking at me to like to validate that. Yes. It's enormous. It was at one end. I was sitting on the couch at the other end could still still in my naturals. Again,

I cannot stress this enough. It was wafting through the window and hitting me in my bed. It's also not like a rose smell. It's cinnamon. It's the most potent smell. And I can taste it through your windows. I've been smelling it all day. So I mean, maybe if you have a bigger home or maybe maybe I just got an extra strong one, but like I have to announce here today that like the cinnamon broom, I don't, I cannot live with it. We cannot coexist. You're going to give to a neighbor? I'm going to throw it out. It was 99 cents. Also, it's been outside in the rain for two days. Actually, maybe now it's like, maybe that's the secret. You should go sniff it. I'll take it. All right. Okay. We went and smelled it. First of all, I touched it and I feel like I'm going to be smelling it on my hand for the rest of my life.

All right. Here's a deal. Um, new suggestion alert. get you a cinnamon broom and then put it outside in the rain for two days. Take it to the creek and then you can bring it in. So anyway, that's my cinnamon room update. If you guys are like coexisting with yours, like more power to you, maybe I just got like an extra strong one. Again, we don't know what's going on down there in Trader Joe's. But yeah, it just wasn't, I could not stop laughing that like I brought it in this house

and had to put it outside. I don't know. It's a lot. Yeah. But honestly, I think it was a nice window to just open the door to talk to Osama. Yeah, I don't know. He said he got a bunch of DMs from our listeners. Yeah, fuck you guys.

Yeah. You couldn't feel the energy between us? No, he said he didn't want to fuck me all in the episode. So it was never going to work. Because he said it wouldn't. Because he was really open about that. I could not, listen, I could not stop staring at his fingers the entire recording. They're so long and thin.

I feel like that guy's fingers good. They don't, they're a little thin, though. They're too thin. Like the years ago when like Kate and I were we were dating all these guys, we were like always going to date some like dating these terrible guys. We had nicknames for them all and she dated a guy that we called Ladyfingers. And his hands were just too slender. I love a big man hand.

I guess you're right though. Corey's husband. Well, he's a big guy. Corey, well, he's not that big though. Like my other best friend besides Raina and Kate, Corey, there's three. He looks like he's wearing Hulk hands. Like he looks like he put on fake hands. He's 5-11.

I guess I don't even know why I'm having these, like, thoughts about fingers because, like, I'm not out here wanting to get fingered. I'm not 12. No one's sticking their giant long fingers up me. Yeah, I don't want to get, that's just such a good call. Like, why do we care? To me, it's hands. It's hands.

Yes. Usama's a great looking guy. He is great hands. He's not, they're not a deal breaker. Little baby hands, deal breaker. Do you know my story about baby hands? While we're here, I think I told this, you know what? I told it on Hannah, I told it on Hannah Burns podcast.

I've never told her here today. here we go. So this was maybe when I was like 27, 28, so like last year, I was in this dry spell. Like it had been a while. So I was like, I'm just going to go out and get late tonight. Easy to do. Went to a place in Atlanta called Smith's old bar. We were like hanging out, getting drunk, whatever. And I just was like, I'm just going to pick a person. I wish I could just do this today. I guess I could, but it's COVID. I was like, I'm just going to pick a person that met this guy. He walked up to me. He was maybe my height, maybe a little bit shorter. I think he had like a thing for tall women.

He hit on me. He fettishized. Yeah, it's a kind of. He walked right up to me and I'm like, I guess this is my option. You know, I guess this is it for the night. I'm just going to go with this guy. He had a cute face. Definitely wasn't like as big as I would have preferred,

but I was like very drunk and I was like, fine. This will work. We went to like another bar. Like just personality, whatever. Didn't really get a good look at like his hands, his limbs, whatever. But I was just like, this is fine. So he came home with me. We did fuck.

It was actually pretty good from what I remember. Like I kind of think I like had a decent or for being like pretty drunk and like a new guy. Like I remember was being kind of crazy. We were like doing all these different positions. Like he was good. He fucked good. I can't believe you got off. Yeah.

Because I like like, you know, we sobered up a smidge and then came home and like Foxton and I was like, I can't believe I got off either. The next morning we're in my bed and Dewey jumped up on the bed back when he could get up there after he was like a young spry. And he jumped up on the bed and this guy went to like pet him and his little hands on Dewey's head. It was like his little baby hands like touching the top of Dewey's head.

And I was like, you got to go. You kicked him out for having baby hands. I was just like, okay, I got, I have something to do. Were they smaller than my hands? They were like, I mean, you're a teeny tiny person. But like they were such small man hands and like to see them on Dewey's like big head. Like just the way he was petting him. I like almost like I was going to throw up.

I mean, listen, I just like a big man. Like I feel you. I feel like I want like. like big shoulders, big back, big hands, like more than I want a big dick. And I don't even need a huge dude. I've said this before. Like the best sex I've had in my life have been with like guys that I've dated that were like really just 5-11. Like maybe maybe barely six feet.

Like not huge dudes, but they had decent hands. I is one of my one requirements. My mom feels the same way. She said she was always attracted to my dad's like hands, wrists, forearms. I'm attracted to your dad's hands. Oh my God. Stop. Wrists and forearms.

I cannot with baby hands. Yeah. For me. And I was like, I can't believe who, that guy's hands were all over me the night before. Those teeny tiny hands. You ever talked to teeny hand guy again? Never. You never talked to me.

He tried to date me so hard. You got off. The sex was good. He was, you were like, the hands is where I draw the line. He was just, aside from the hands, we woke up and I was not attracted to him anymore in the daylight sober. You know what I'm saying? It filled the need that night.

But he, he wanted to date me. Because I was like, okay, time to go. This was like pre-uber. I don't know how he got home. You're like, just leave. I just was like, I have something to do. Bye. He was like, oh, do you need to like walk the dog?

I'm like, I'll do that on my own. I'll do that on my own. I just feel like one night stands are so weird. You got to get them out of there. Well, also I don't sleep over like when I have a one night stand. Like the guy in my building, I didn't even want him to sleep over. I was like, you live here. Go there.

But that's what was so crazy because, I mean, I just was such a different person in my 20s, you know, when I was like drinking so much and like fucking around. and dating and like to bring strangers home with you is so crazy because they're in your home. Like if you spend the night with somebody, you can get up and get the fuck out. But like a stranger in your home? I don't want them in my home. I'll go to their home and I'll excuse myself out of their home immediately. That's what I'm saying.

I'm not trying to sleep there. Bringing someone home, but like you're drunk. You don't think about what the morning's going to look like and then you wake up with this like tiny hand dude. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I'm trying to think about the last time I had like a one night stand. I like slept at somebody's place.

I don't want it. I don't want somebody in my home in my space. I'd rather go there. I'd rather be able to leave. Yeah. I see those hands and I'm out the door. Right. Yeah.

You know who I can't escape is my neighbor that I fucked and I've ran into him. I ran into him in the elevator the other day. It was not comfortable. It was not good. Yeah. I looked probably the ugliest I've ever looked. But on a scale of, he looked uglier. One to him.

He looked worse. I was like, I can't believe you've been inside of me. This is so crazy. He probably looked at me. though, I was like, well, quarantine is not been good to her. I was super hungover and greasy. Your body hasn't changed. I haven't brushed my teeth.

Oh, God. If you haven't brushed your teeth? It was not good. It was not good. It was. I've smelled your breath after. I'm late. We cannot smell bad.

I don't smell bad. Okay. I burp once a year and I smell maybe once a year also. I don't smell bad. I brush my teeth. Every day I waterpick that shit. I spent a lot of money and my teeth look like this. Okay.

Google me, bitch. Everything, everything on Google is. Raina Greenberg's teeth. I'm sorry. I just, I'm sorry, you're right. I take it back. It's not just me.

It's just me. I'm not the only person who's breath is bad in the morning who hasn't brushed their teeth. Everyone. Everyone out here is out here with morning breath. That is fair. There's been some times when I've like got up

and not brush my teeth and had to take Dewey on a walk in a mask. In a mask. I was in a mask. Your own breath in your fan, your mouth. One day, because I usually wake up and brush my teeth.

Like I always do. But sometimes you just don't, like I will do it when I get back from walking Dewey, But I remember one time I didn't. I thought I was taking Dewey for a quick rock around the block. I saw Derek, we walked around the whole neighborhood. I'm like smelling my own breath the whole time. I was like, I got to get out of here.

I can't stop. I got to stop smelling my own breath. Yeah. So I saw him, first of all, whatever. I woke up. I worked out. I had not brushed my teeth yet. Oh, God.

I walked out. You were like filling your beautiful apartment with your own hot breath working out. I'm working out. I can't imagine. So much heavy breathing. No, you control your breath. It doesn't matter how hard you're working out. You've got to control that shit.

I was on my, way into the building. He was on his way out of the building. And then I become so awkward because I don't know what to say around him. And so he was like, I'm getting a copy and I offered to go with him. And then I walked to the coffee spot. And then he didn't have money, so I paid for our coffees. And then I just told him my whole life story. I don't think he talked once. This went on for 30 minutes. I don't think he talked for one second. And girl, this level of desperation. Was this April 2020? In 2020? What were you doing? I get awkward around people that don't talk. It's why overcompensate. And I

looked so ugly. You invite them to coffee? I hadn't. You get awkward. You invite them out and pay for them. I told him Liz Warren came on the show. If you guys are looking for a free meal, just fine rain on the street and maybe she's feeling awkward that day. She'll take you out. Why did you bring him to coffee? I thought the coffee would mask my breath. I don't know. I just, I brought up Elizabeth Warren because I was like, I know I looked terrible, but like look who we had on the podcast. It was a whole mess. It was a mess. It's funny because like you, he didn't look good. Like you weren't even attracted to him. So this whole thing of you like latching into him and being like, let's have a coffee date.

I'll pay. It had nothing. He looked worse than he did normally, right? Ever. He looked like a wildebeest. I was like, this is. Is that a real animal?

A wildebeest? Like a unicorn? Don't damn. I'll be able to do it. Okay. No, the last thing I will say about this is when I first started fucking my neighbor a year and a half ago, I remember feeling like so nervous.

I had to look so pretty all the time in the building. So every time I'd get into the laundry room or in the lobby, like anytime I'm in the elevator, I had to, like, have a ball gown on. I did full makeup to do laundry. Yeah. By full makeup for me is eyeliner or mascara. But I looked so pretty.

And now I'm just like out here just looking like dog shit. Who cares? I really come so far. Well, the worst thing that could happen is that guy tries to fuck you again. Because then you just got to lock the doors and pretend you're not home because that's never happening again. Worst thing that could happen is that I agree to it. Actually.

No, no, no. The worst thing that could happen is you agree to it. and then he sits his naked ass on your white couch and doesn't leave. You guys. It was. But then you asked him to put on a rope and then you danced, slow dance together in your apartment. I think he stole my romper on New Year's Eve. We're not sure where it went.

Yeah. He came down and fucked me and the next day the romper was gone. I mean, that's the only explanation. It's not, there's nowhere to hide in a New York City apartment. He stole my romper. He's probably wearing it. Be better than what I saw I'm wearing the other day. Okay.

So one last thing, quick update. The new bachelor at season. started. You know we wouldn't leave a bag game. Last night, Claire Crawley, huge season. Yeah. Your boyfriend is on the season. Guys, listen, we came back in to record this for you. We did this intro yesterday. This is Wednesday. We did it yesterday. We watched the premiere. We were like, fuck it. We got to come back in the studio because we cannot not, not talk about this. We were all up in Dale's Instagram. You, okay. So let's back up. We want to explain to you guys how we know Dale Moss. So Dale Moss came on our show two years ago.

Do you have the exact date? I mean, June or July, 2018. Right. It's called Still Not a Player early on, summer 2018. And we were introduced to him by a mutual colleague friend. And that's how he came on the show. We wanted to do an episode about interracial dating. Yeah.

Pretty early on. And you guys, you hit it off. You know, listen, since day one, Ashley and I've always decided who's going to fuck the guest and we decided this was your episode. But I never, I never did. Anyway, so I'm not asking my sisters with Claire Crawley. And we talked more about Dale. We had a very funny segment about him on the August 10th episode.

So like just a couple months ago with me in this whole situation with a backpack. Most of you guys probably heard it. But if you didn't go back and listen, it's very funny. So if you see us commenting on Dale's Instagram with a backpack emoji, you'll know why. But yeah, like if you keep up with pop culture, celebrity news, you know that like Claire and if you watched the premiere last night, she's leaving the season. Her and Dale fell in love, allegedly. It's crazy.

It's so crazy to like know the person that's like the person. that's like the person. It's so crazy. First of all, there's been like, what, like 47 seasons of The Bachelor.

Yeah. How many, this is the first time I just left the show. And fell in love night one. Okay, I didn't,

I didn't know how serious it was going to be the moment she met him. Like, she was like, I think I just met my husband. Everything went black around me. I was like,

I had chills. I hate myself. I watched this show so many times. It's so cheesy, but I just like still get invested. And like, that was a real moment, I think.

I don't know. Well, Jared Freed begs to differ, but we'll get to that. Like, she went back in and, like, re-recorded it. Or no, he thinks they talked or met before, perhaps. It did sort of seem like that. I mean, but I will say, you know. Still in those DMs. First of all, if Dale Moss is getting out of a limo,

I will promise you I just met my husband, too. Also, I need to tell you guys, the hottest. I need to tell you that he looks beautiful on the show. I'm sorry, Prina's going to slip on. It sounds like you're not over it. He looks beautiful on the show. it still doesn't do him justice. Apple always look better in person than on TV.

Like, if you ever meet somebody that was on television, you will be like, oh my gosh, A, you're so much like smaller than I thought. Like women are always like so teeny tiny. And men are just so much hotter. Like, TV doesn't do you any favors. Like if you were to see him in person, not to brag, but you know, we have plenty of times.

He's just like, godlike. I mean, also go to any express in the United States. He's the main male model. he said that we forgot when we were in um Columbus in this you Columbus strip mall the town center is the Houston town center there was a huge poster of Dale we meant to we drove by we meant to go back and take a photo anyway last day was incredible the kiss was hot obviously you got the first impression rose I am so fucking juiced up for this season can't wait like we're gonna really watch a couple fall in love that like basically fell in love at first sight if they're showing us what

really happened. Truly. Also, her dress, don't get me started. Girl, that dress isn't doing anybody any favors. I can't with the prom dresses. I mean, somebody thought, let's shatter a mirror and then sew all the remnants on this dress. Also put seven more layers of tool under it. What, like, what? Like, that dress

wasn't doing anybody any favors. And she is gorgeous. She looks better than I've ever looked in my life. Her body is incredible. She looks amazing. That dress, that smashed up mirror dress. Not for me. People on Twitter were comparing it to, like, this purse you had in like the early 2000s with like a bunch of little things hanging and dangling off of it. They're like, why is Claire's dress my purse from

2005? Yeah, so we will, we're not going to do weekly updates, but we at least wanted to come in here and remind you guys that we know Dale. And he is going to be all over the news and go back and listen to Still Not a Player if you haven't yet. And just, I can't recommend this season enough. Go to his Instagram. See Ashley commenting publicly. I'm jealous, but I'm happy for you. I'm jealous, but I'm supportive. Backback emoji. Thank you all. Snack. Snack. kids who got in there and everybody everybody it was so funny within minutes top comment yours doubled the likes that I had on there in minutes because he's my ex and it's sure okay also what I can't recommend enough Jared freed's updates did you last night was the funniest thing I've ever last night

made me thankful for COVID because of the way that sentence is not going to age well it's not going to age while and you guys know I'm fucking joking the way he covered last night when he had something He was like, if somebody told me I was going to be on The Bachelor in two weeks, I would spit the cookie out of my mouth. Can you imagine you've been in quarantine? You've been eating the house down. And they're like, by the way, in two weeks we start filming The Bachelorette. Are you kidding me? I couldn't stop laughing thinking about getting that call.

I was dying. He was like, I want Chris Harrison to give me my test results for everything. I was crying. And when he was talking about Claire's butt and you hear Jared's girlfriend in the back be like, Jared. And he was like, Peanut Gallery. Like, I love his girlfriend in the background. too. Sorry, I couldn't get a other. No, by the way, if I, in the middle of a international pandemic,

decide to risk it all and go be on the bachelor season, and then this bitch quits, like, a week in, I have done so much and risked everything to go be on the show, and the main person quits the show. Then you get Tasha. I don't know. Then you get what? Tasia. We'll see.

Are they going to keep the same guys? We don't know. I think they will. I don't like any of these guys. I don't like these guys either. Like, no wonder Dale stood out. I mean, first of all, Dale could stand out. Because he's anywhere.

I truly said this. I think I said this a couple weeks ago or a month ago when we talked about this. Like, I just, he is a genuinely good guy. And I don't think you get a lot of them. I think you get a lot of narcissists. You get a lot of people that want to be on TV that go on that show. And I think someone that's true and genuine radiates, their energy radiates. And I think she picked up on that.

I think a million people go on the show to get a billion Instagram followers to fuck a bunch of little slots. Yeah. Which also, if you're a slot, go off. Like, I'm an express model. I don't even need this. He literally doesn't. need it. I've been on girls got to eat. I've gotten all the pussy I need. Okay. I know Ashley Hustle time. I think that that is really, really spot on. And I just think he's the hottest man alive. And I don't

like any of the other contestants. That got out of the limo pregnant. He's like, she knows that I'm funny. That wasn't funny. No, you're not funny. You're not funny. You're not funny. Harvard guy in the rolls Royce of the scarf. None of you guys are fucking funny. Any guy that lets a producer talk them into that dumb stick is not for me. Bye. You're out of here. I can. cannot believe she gave straight jacket a rose. He wore the straight jacket the whole night episode. You guys, he was at the rose ceremony in a straight jacket. Listen, go watch Jared's.

We can't. We need to stop having Jared. No, we don't. No, we don't. I look forward every week. It is my favorite activity during bachelor's season to get high and watch Jared freed in bed. And, you know, while we're talking about Jared, we like said we were going to go to whatever city Jared goes to and people are not going to forget it.

We're working on it. People literally stand there. Jared's in Raleigh. Jared's in Raleigh. Jared's in Kansas City. Francis is in Kansas City. I'm like, okay. Jared's in Rockford.

Jared's in Albany. Jared just played a parking lot in Wisconsin and I don't understand why you girls have it. Jared is at the driving theater in Queens. Where are you bitches at? We're working on it. Let's introduce our topic. What are we calling this? Not sure yet.

Okay. Put me on the spot. I titled the episode Sunday night. Sunday nights. I know. I can only add. We only 10 p.m. Sunday nights, don't ask before that. But what I will do is talk about two other episodes that you guys can reference that kind of align with these things.

Because we want to always make sure if you are listening to us talk about a topic and you're like, wait, but you didn't cover this part of that topic. Like we might have done it already. So we're going to be talking a little bit about friends of the opposite sex today. You know, just for generality sake, like women and their male friends. friends. And we did an episode called Should You Fuck Your Friends? And that was in August 2018. So, like, geez, like, yeah, we hit that. And that touched on some stuff about fucking your friends. We talked about some of our guy friends that we've had a little bit of history with, stuff like that. So that's out there. And then also we're talking about jealousy today. And we did another episode

that you guys would probably find interesting if you're curious about jealousy with like social media and stuff like that. And that was, is he micro cheating? And that was episode 16. girl thank you for doing that research yeah so those are kind of ones that like we asked you guys what you wanted to hear about jealousy basically so that was so interesting to me is when we like pitched this out because like I mean obviously we want to do episodes that you guys care about and we said like what do you guys want to hear about jealousy and overwhelmingly it was about friends of the opposite sex so my partner has friends of the opposite sex I don't know how to deal with it whether it's a coworker a long time friend and we'll get into that step or I have friends

of the opposite sex and my partner's acting crazy jealous and you know what are the boundaries what am I allowed to ask for? When do I call it quits? You know, am I being overly jealous? Am I being crazy or being gas-led? I just thought like it was so interesting. The overwhelming amount of responses wasn't like, I'm so jealous and I feel like I'm being. It was like, I want to work on this. My partner has like, we'll just put it in like straight male female term. My male partner has female friends and it's hard for me. Yeah. So we were like, fuck it. Let's just hone in on that. Because there's also so many different parts of like jealousy. That's such a broad topic. So again, like I saw a lot of people wanting to know about social media stuff. And

we did an episode called Do It for the Graham a while back and that was a lot more about like social media when you post somebody things like that. So if that's kind of what you're concerned with social media behavior, two episodes for you. Yeah. And obviously there's elements of jealousy where you're like my partner, my last partner cheated on me and I can't like let

this go and I'm bringing it. We'll talk about that on a future episode but I mean obviously those are real fears and things that I would say you know, seek some therapy for if you can't like all of things. But I love this topic. I'm excited. I think you and I both have a lot of male friends in very realms that we've dealt with this stuff with as well.

Yeah. Whether we liked them at one point, stop at them at one point, and becoming friends with their significant others. Well, right out of the gate, let's just answer this question. Can men and women be just friends? Yes, grow up.

What is this, Mike Pence? The Mike Pence rule can't have a solo dinner with a woman. It's just, it's so insulting and like a short-sighted outlook that men and women couldn't be platonic friends. Like, we're primal animals. We just can't be around. other like a man just can't be around a woman without fucking her it's so lame anyone who says it is

red flag anybody out there saying men and women can't just be friends you can't it's a red flag to me i googled can men and women be friends because i'm trying to do like research for this episode and i i'm trying to i don't need to go but i live it i just i googled it and there's so many different opinions about this and it's like yeah one size fits one it's like is your man some crazy cheater yeah Maybe he can't have friends that are female. Is the person you're talking about his ex? Yeah, maybe you don't want him hanging out with her. Can I sit down and hang out with the dude not take my pussy out?

Yes. Episodes over. That's all we're talking about. Mike drop by. I mean, I think that there's all kinds of boundaries. I think we want to be with a partner that respects us and demands that their friends respect you. And if that's not happening, then address that shit in your relationship.

But do Ashley and I have friends that are guys that we haven't fucked? A couple? Oh, my God. No, I mean, we have so many, like so many guy friends. Like, I've had best guy friends since high school. Also, like, there are realms of possibility where you have hooked up with a person and you go back to being friends and we'll talk about that. But, like, yeah, just because I fucked somebody when I was 19 in college doesn't mean in my

mid-30s, I still can't not be on your man's dick. Yeah. There's plenty of people I grew up. We're like yelling at everybody. People are like, we don't, um, no one. Why do you just, why are you yelling? I have like all kinds of, everybody I grew up with, I have all kinds of guy friends that like I hooked up with in high school and college and like I'm friends with their wives. And I sit at weddings with them and birthday parties. And like none of them should be worried. I can't like not lock it up around their like middle aged husband dad. I know. It's so true. Yeah. And I mean, I always say, I mean, let's just get into it. You know, I think that we'll touch on this quickly and then we'll move on. We'll get into more like the jealousy stuff. But like, Rain and I both have close guy friends. that we have hooked up with in the past.

I mean, one of your very best friends, you thought you really were in love with him for a minute. Like, and you, you're great friends with them now have zero feelings for him. You can spend the night of his house and like not even want to like him to touch you. And like, I've had that experience too.

I've had guy friends that I thought I had feelings for at one point, maybe told them they weren't reciprocated. I've had guys friends that have told me they had feelings for me, asked me out, we're still friends. It didn't, you know, it can get awkward for a minute there.

Like, but if you really both feel comfortable and you want to continue the friendship, you can. I mean, I think people, everybody has these stories. Like, I sometimes think about, like, if you have hooked up, it's almost better. This is not how everybody thinks. But if you are dating somebody and you're worried about his best girlfriend, I'm like, I'd almost them, they rather tried it out.

Like, it's almost better because they actually didn't work and they actually tried. Like, it's better than like them both wondering what could have been. Like, if I have a guy friend and he has some best girlfriend and they hooked up, drunkenly years prior or whatever. Like, I'm almost like, well, they definitely didn't want to date. They would have dated if they wanted to date. I think there's a lot of people that are of the ilk of like, there's no such thing as like a guy that your friend.

It's just a guy that hasn't fucked you yet. I almost prefer that we fucked. And then you just know exactly like you said. It's like not going to work out. And it's like, okay, well, we like got that off the table and now we can just be friends again. Yeah. And you can still think your guy friends are hot and wonder what it would be like to fuck them

too and never act on it. And the same way, like, I have a lot of hot guy friends. I always have. Like, I surround myself with hot men. And I feel like there is, you know, if you're dating a guy, you know that if he has a hot girlfriend, he thinks she's hot. He has thought about what it would be like to fuck her. These are human things.

And you can never control that. So that's just one thing to like let go immediately. My man has like these hot girlfriends. Okay. We can do about it. You know what I mean? It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter.

Like, we have to let go. this idea that like we have a partner and then they no longer are attracted to anybody else ever forever. I love that. It doesn't matter. And even if they did sleep with the person, they're not sleeping with the person anymore. Like I do think guys can be friends and they, I'm sure my guy friends think my titties are great and would love to see them. It doesn't mean they're going to like ruin the whole friendship and burn it to the ground. Like it's just, it's fine. Like I think that we can talk about like how to manage like your negative cell talk and your jealousy towards like the end of the episode. But like I think that that's something that

you have to deal with. And like, I do think people can just be friends. And that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to them. It just means I'm not going to suck their dick. Yeah. And my best guy friend in the world, like, yeah, we fucked. And we came back from it. And we're fine. And yes, we can just be friends. We're just friends. Like, throughout the pandemic, like, he's the only person who I, like, really was around a lot. And I slept in his house, half naked all the time. Yeah. It never crossed either of our minds to touch the other person. I know. I have a really good guy friend that, like, I thought I had feelings for, I guess I did. And I told him and they weren't reciprocated and everything's fine. Don't look at him like that anymore. He doesn't look at me like that anymore.

Like the feelings passed. Like those things happen all the time. I think if you are having feelings for your friend of the opposite sex, you can always shoot your shot and you can say something, you know, over drinks one night. Like, have you ever thought about us romantically? You see what they say. I've had guy friends like, I had a guy friend that I like really just liked as a friend. And he was like, we should get, you know, we should go to dinner or whatever. And I was like, we should get a group together. Like I just like shut it down so quickly. There's little ways this episode isn't about that.

But like I just can't hammer it home enough that like if if something happens where one person catches feelings like it is not the end of the friendship by any stretch. And I think we talked about that a little bit more and should you fuck your friends too. We talked about the whole episode. I thought it was great. And yeah, I mean, you can talk your friends. Go for it. You know.

Yeah. It might be like a year of awkwardness. Then you're like me and my friend. We're fine. Yeah. And this kind of all is going to like weave together and like behavior. Right. So much of it's just about how you act.

It's about how you act with your friends of the opposite sex when you're dating somebody and vice versa. How the person you're dating or your partner acts with their friends, the opposite sex. How you act around them, how you communicate about them, how you're intermingling with your friends and with your partner. Like all these things are what matters to me. Yeah. Maybe we start with like, my boyfriend has these female friends. And I think there's like two scenarios. I think there's like this scenario where like he has a lot of female friends and that's tough for me.

And I think there's the hardest scenario of all. this one female friend and it's a problem. And I think that, you know, it depends. We talked a lot about this offline before we started recording. You know, how does he act towards these people in relation to you? And where are the boundaries and what does the behavior look like? And at the end of the day, where do you draw the line? And like, where is it okay? My experience is that I dated somebody for, on and off for years who went to law school with all these girls and maintained friendships with them and then worked with them with them at law firms and was going out with them all the and it was a long-distance relationship

and he was constantly going out to dinner with all these girls. I just didn't care. Like, he was open with me and honest. He openly texted them in front of me. He included me in plans with them. He made it clear that we were dating. I knew that they knew who I was.

They were always invited to hang out with us. I was invited to hang out with them. I followed them on Instagram. I DMed with them. I just felt like there was never a moment where I stopped and was like, something's going on here, something's weird. And he never gave me pause.

I think that, like, that's what you would hope somebody would do. That's not, like, if all those things are happening and you still feel really threatened that your partner has a bunch of girlfriends, again, I think it's a little internal. Right. And you got to work on that. Right. Well, and ask yourself, do you have guy friends? Like, can you put yourself in their shoes, right?

Like, I think the self-talk is, okay, but can I have platonic guy friends that I don't want to fuck or that don't want to fuck me or there's no feelings there? so like why couldn't my partner? You know, like, are you just being hypocritical or do you not have any friends the opposite sex? You know what I mean? Like, I can't imagine, because, you know, I have a little bit of a jealous streak, but I dated somebody seriously that had a lot of girlfriends.

You know, he worked with a bunch of girls. They would go out and they would do stuff together after work and things like that. I mean, they would text. They would message, you know, things like that. And I had no room to talk. I had a ton of fucking guy for it. And so it's like, can't you just kind of take a. step back and be like, okay, I can have platonic friends, so why can't my partner? And if you,

if you can't, that's something you have to work on. Like, is it coming just, are you projecting is what I'm saying? You don't know what I mean? Yeah. Is this every relationship that you're in, is every guy that you're dating, do you have a problem with them having girlfriends? Yeah. That's a you problem. If you're dating somebody and you have a problem just with them and their behavior with women, then you have to ask yourself, why is this person make me feel like this? Why don't I trust this person? Am I being gaslit? Is this irrational? Like, why am I, I were the person that makes me feel so shitty all the time. And I think that people just get into these like loops where they're just like

fighting about, you know, who you're hanging out with and it being females and, you know, what are the boundaries? And, you know, is this the first time this is happening or is this always? And I think at some point you just got to let it go. Like with my ex, I just, he wasn't apologizing for him out to dinner with these girls. At first I thought it was like a little weird. And I was like, oh, I'm not around.

They don't know me as well. At some point I just had to decide I was going to live my life and be fine with it. And until one of them really gave me a reason to be pissed, I just had to live my life. And if you're going to spend every day being anxious and worried and stressed out, that's probably not the person you should be with. Right. And your man could go to drinks with his girlfriend.

And fuck her that night, he could also fuck her in the middle of the day while you're at work. Like, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Like you can't control the situation. Like, I just think it's like you get in your head of like, well, I don't want them doing this and this and this. and you're like, it could happen at any time if it's going to happen.

You know, there's no like, I'm going to try to keep them out of this situation because these are high risk. Anything could happen at any time. I mean, you just can't stop a person from doing what they want to do. So if somebody is determined to cheat on you, they're going to cheat on you.

And I probably fell into this when I was a lot younger because I was dating somebody who was cheating on me and treating me terribly. But no amount of going through his phone, his DMs, his text messages, crying, fighting, knowing where he was showing up at his work, it didn't stop him from cheating on me. It made my life terrible.

It made me miserable. It made me think about this every second of every day. I just shouldn't have been with that person. And no amount of personally stressing out is going to fix that. And it became almost this like self-fulfilling prophecy where I was so worried he was cheating on me and like jealous that the problems were no longer about that. The problems were that I was insecure and I was jealous and I was creating a problem all the time. And like it's a weird example because he really was cheating on me.

Yeah. But like I do think sometimes you get so. wrapped up in this, that you, you become the demise of your relationship, not the fact that the person is cheating on you. Right. And I just, I love what you said. Like, they could just fuck that person in the middle of the day. I love it. I love that you told people that. It's just true. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do about it? Where are you going to go? Right. And like, if my ex had said to me, like, I'm going out to dinner with this girl and I would have screamed at him for an hour, what would that have stopped? He would have gone anyways and he could have fucked her if you

kind of like that's exactly it. I want to say to you, I am very inspired, because you said you want to talk about your best guy friend and his relationship with his wife. I'm inspired by that relationship and I think there's a lot of really good takeaways because I think that probably what most girls fall into is my man has this one best friend.

And I don't like that girl. And I don't like that girl's behavior and I'm intimidated. It's not usually as simple as like my man just has a lot of girlfriends. I think it's usually, I have a problem with this one person. And I feel threatened by it. I'm uncomfortable by it. And I think that you and these two people are a really good example of how a man should act with his significant other in the situation and how the best girlfriend should act.

Yeah. So I would love for you. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I have a best guy friend named Rob, you're a friend to them too. We've been friends for a lot of, we've been friends for a while. We've been friends for like eight or nine years at this point. I mean, he's married. I'm friends with this wife.

He just has always lived a really open, transparent life where I feel like the people. people that he had the girls that he's dated have never had an issue with me because a, I was friendly to them. I'm not like weird and territorial and like you need to get through me. You don't act like an asshole. Yeah. So there's that. There's me being like accepting and always wanting to get to know whoever he's dating because

he's my friend and like great new girlfriend for me too, you know. But it's, I think it's just him. You know, like he was here for a week. We went out every night. Like went to dinner, went to drinks. We were hanging out in my apartment, getting drunk, you know, like, and, most nights we face-timed his wife. Like, you know, it was just like we were the three of us talking.

We've hung out the three of us so many different times. And all that being said, a large part of this is obviously her and how cool she is and how confident she is in herself and secure in her relationship, which is the goal that we should all want and aspire to is a relationship that feels so secure that these things don't bother you. But I guess when it comes to him and his actions, he makes a point. Because he has other close girlfriends aside for me, like I would say on the number one. But, like, he makes a point to, like, make sure the person he's dating, now his wife, is not threatened at all because of the openness, the transparency and the, like, willingness to introduce these people to each other.

It's when it feels secretive that it's fucking weird. Yes. Did you find out that they hang out this person without you? Are they not answering their text messages in front of you? Yes. Like, are you, like, I think it's so fun. Like, you should be on a group text with these people. You should be included in plans.

If you're not, something's going on. Has your partner communicated what the boundaries are? Like, do you feel like they're on your side? You know? And these guys, I gotta say, you and I have so many guy friends and they always will like comment on our Instagram, like, flame emojis, like, looking hot. Like, and their partners see it. Like, they just, it's like, and I'm, you know, some of them are a little on the

flirtier side in general is who they are as people. But like, when it's all out in the open, that's when it's okay. Like, it's when it's weird stuff behind the scenes that you don't know about. Like, I just think that if you were a person that has close, friends of the opposite sex and you want to date and you want to keep everything kosher. It's kind of your responsibility to be open and honest. And if you're on the other side of that, you should be looking at your partner to do that too. I mean, when I dated my ex, my pretty serious ex, it was kind of at the point of my life where I was hanging out with a lot

of dudes. Like most of my girlfriends had kind of settled down. They were getting married. I had like a whole crew of dude friends. And I couldn't wait for him to meet them. They're still all friends. So that's cool. But like I just couldn't wait to introduce them to like my guy friends. And I feel like he felt a little intimidated at first. But I think the willingness, which with I was willing to introduce everybody, you guys be friends, text without me, yada, yada, join a fantasy football league together, showed him that there was nothing me scared of. I couldn't wait for him to meet Rob. You know, like, there was no dude friend that he didn't know about except for one. And I felt like when we started dating seriously, I kind of like

drew a boundary there. And I think I like that you can, you like you have a situation like this too with some of your guy friends. Like I think some people have that flirty friend that does kind of the line into like two flirty territory. And I think the person that has that friendship, if they start to date someone seriously, that they're serious about and they want to commit to, it's up to them to draw that boundary. It's always that one girl.

And you're like, what's going on here? And that person's crossing a line. I would ask your partner why they're not drawing a boundary. Because it's up to them to express to the other person that they are dating somebody now and not express them in the sense that you're a bitch and you're jealous and she can't handle it. And so you need to back off. what I'm saying is I do not expect my partner to say to a girl that makes me uncomfortable.

Raina's crazy, so you need to stop. I would expect my partner to communicate that we are a united front and you need to stop this. And I do have like a really good guy friend and we communicate pretty like flirty all the time. And I'm always like, baby, you're the most amazing man in the world and I love you. But like if he started dating somebody first of all, I would stop because I'm not a piece of shit. Like that's just our relationship. We joke around. I would die if somebody he was dating saw that and was like offended by it.

And so, like, if your man has a friend, that that's a girl that is not nice to you, that is a bitch to you, that is not pleasant when you come around, we'll make eye contact. She's in love with him and fuck that girl. And I dated somebody, and this was a problem for her.

Listen, I dated this guy. He had this best girlfriend. She was just always around. She did not like that he was giving attention to somebody else. I think that she clearly had feelings for him and did not like. I loved how rude she was to me. I thought it was hilarious. I leaned into this so hard.

and I would, like his face in front of her, whatever it took. It's funny, you're dating that person, not them. And if he wanted to date that person, he would have just dated that person. You're probably coming around years later after they've known each other. They probably would have dated. So listen, if the friend has feelings for your man, that's fine. It's up to your partner to communicate that like this is not appropriate behavior. Yeah.

And by the way, I don't like suggest instigating another person like day one out of the game. I would always try to like make my man's friends my friend. my friend. I would always want to socialize with them. I'd always want to like follow him in Instagram, joke around. Like I would never want to be that girl that my man's friends hate because like you're just not setting yourself up for success. Like you should want to be friends with people. But yeah, if that girl and I just read like some different messages from people that were just like my man is his friend, she's not nice to me. Fuck that girl. That's her shit. I know. It's, it's, it's, there's a couple things. It's either she is like in love with him secretly or

on secretly. Or she's just like this weird like territorial like sis. She's trying to be like a sister. Like you got to get through me. You know like you have to win my affection. Shut up. Shut up. You're so immature. I have a brother and I don't act like that. I'm an adult. I don't have to get through anybody. It's so weird. Like it's such weird behavior. And like honestly, question who your man is friends with. Like if you, if a person you're dating or you're starting to date has these immature, catty friends. Like, I don't know. That's a turnoff to me too.

But I do understand scenarios in which guys can't, like, they don't see it. And then they, it's hard for them to, like, confront the person. You know what I mean? Like, guys are just a little, like, kind of clues. Like, they're like, I don't get it. I don't understand what you're talking about. And they could actually kind of, I get it. They're a little more clueless when it comes to some of this, like,

girl behavior. I think in this scenario, like, this girl is just one of the guy. She was just used to being the only girl around. I think she had this big group of guy. I think she probably wasn't a lot about the guy that I was. dating. But like, I think that she did not like that another girl, like, came in. And I think that you're right. I think a lot of men just, like, don't see it. And they're like, you're envisioning this like problem that she's just not there. Like, I don't see it. I don't

think men understand like the nuances of like female shade as much as we think that they do. Right. And I think that at the end of the day, like, you can only ask your partner to like set boundaries so many times. And then you've got to evaluate like, is it her or me or do I got to get out of here. Are you dating somebody that you also truly think is going to cheat on you? Like, and that's a bad feeling too. Like to ask yourself, I really think my partner would risk our relationship for this person. Yeah. And like, recess the relationship in every other way.

Are they showing up for you? Are they loyal? Are they dependable? Like, all those things are there. And there's just this like catty girl. I don't know. I guess my fear is that she's like in his ear. You know what I mean?

Like saying stuff that's not true. We're like really trying to sabotage the relationship. I also think the person, the crazy best friend, the crazy best girlfriend, best guy friend, whatever. It's like that person. needs to like get a life a little bit, you know, like they shouldn't be freaking out that their best friend is dating somebody that they're into. They should be happy for them. It's like that with your best girlfriend. Like we've talked about this with other episodes. Like you could have a

best friend of the same sex and they start dating somebody and your relationship might shift a little bit. You know what I mean? Like relationships ebb and flow. That's like the world we live in. Like you can't expect that your friend is going to start dating somebody seriously and your relationship is not going to change at all. So it's just like that's why we have a lot of friends. That's why we have hobbies. That's why we have family and vacations and we do things so we don't just obsess over our one best guy friend so that we turn into this huge raging bitch when they start to date somebody. Right. And if you are that girl, if you're the girl, and I've been there. I have been. So I'm not saying like fuck all these people and they're all nuts. Like I think that like I repurposed

my best guy friend for a time period as my man who wasn't my man. You know, and he filled that role in my life as the testosterone in my life. And I remember like we used to have brunch every single Saturday and Sunday. I used to think, like, if he starts dating somebody, this will no longer be appropriate. Like, I can't spend every single weekend with him all the time. And I'm going to need to stop this. And he did, like, go on dates with people. And I was like, it bothered me a little bit. And then I was like, wait, I need to do a reality check with what I'm doing in my life.

Because I'm not dating this person. I'm not going to date this person. This doesn't need to be my man. It's not my man. Like, he should date other people. We're not going to date. Yeah, I needed to like get a life a little. Yeah.

That's what it was. So I'm speaking from the point of view of, like, having been that person. Like, I needed to work out my own shit. Right. But I'm also not a fucking jerk. And when my guy friends find somebody they care about, I back off because that's important. It's important to treat people with respect. Right. But I do feel for people that are worried about that stuff. And you can only try so much, like, until you're like, okay, is this a, is this sort of like a me problem? And I was talking to a guy friend of ours yesterday. He told me it was fine to talk about this. One of our really close guy friends was dating somebody. And he has, I would say, very platonic working relationship. with a couple of girls and his girlfriend had like a very serious problem with it and she like couldn't stop and he said there was no amount of boundaries I could set like there was nothing I could do to prove to her that like that this wasn't an issue and I wasn't sleeping with these people and he said like I told her like I will only have this discussion so many times and he said I told her three times

and like the third time I just like had to call it she couldn't help herself and she like burned the relationship to the ground because she couldn't get out of her own head yeah she was going to like ruin, he was, he was going to cheat on her and she, I don't want to say like she ruined the whole relationship because I wasn't dating him and I don't know what happened in that relationship. Right. But I don't know. I just do think there are sometimes like you just have to call it sometimes if you really can't get past it. I don't know. Well, and those are just, I think, general like, jealousy and like relationship sabotaging advice in general. It's like always take a beat, you know, take a breather, try to figure out what's actually happening here, like try to act rationally,

you know, like take a moment, assess the situation. Is it because you're drunk? That could be a thing too. You know, like when you're lashing out and being jealous and like, oh my God, I have to like figure out what's going on with my man and his girlfriend's. Like take a moment, you know, assess this. Are you bringing baggage from your past relationship into this one? Like, where does this come from?

Therapy's always great. You know, and sometimes just like self-talk, asking another friend. Am I acting crazy? They might say, yeah, you are. You know? And I think sometimes when you're really falling for somebody, and you think that they're the most attractive person ever and they're so wonderful, then yeah,

you think everybody else wants to fuck them, but they don't. You know what I mean? Like, she just thought he was like the hottest, coolest dude. So here she is thinking, we all wanted to fuck him.

Girl, we don't. We don't. I really, I felt, you know what I mean? Like, it's what it's just flattering. Like,

I think that's when my ex thought I was the most incredible, most beautiful, funniest, most wonderful woman he'd ever. met at a moment in time. And so he, of course, he thought, he thought that all my guy friends, like, I think he thought how could they not? Like, how could, I am falling for her so deeply.

How could these other men that are in her orbit not like her like that? They don't. I don't. I got to tell you. Can't stress is enough. You're the only one that wants to fuck me. But I will say, like I, like I said, I had one guy friend that our relationship was too flirty.

and he would call me all day every day and he would really try to dominate my time and when I started dating my ex I told him like this has to stop and like he flipped out a little and we weren't friends for a while and it took months and it's fine and that was the price I paid

and it made me realize that that was his shit not mine like you should be happy for me I found somebody I like and you maybe had feelings for me I don't really know our relationship was too flirty for me to have a boyfriend now. So I'm drawing the boundary, happy to still be friends.

We can't talk all day every day. Like, we can't be pseudo dating because I'm actually dating somebody now. And I love that you use that example with Dylan of like, it is a flirty relationship. You tend to have a little more flirty communication with some of your guy friends. And it's just like the second they have a partner,

you would just stop. You wouldn't even feel the need to. You would feel weird doing it. I mean, I would feel like a terrible, terrible shitty person. person. What do you want to cross your mind? Yeah.

Like it's just a weird, gross thing. And yeah, I tell him every day. Like, you're the most amazing man. I love you so much. And I call him, I say hi, baby all the time. Yeah. I really, really felt for our friend's girlfriend that she was so in her head and she couldn't stop.

And like, she might grow out of it. I saw, yeah, she was young. And I do think that like, you know, they were out, she was out drinking. I think that sometimes alcohol does play a big role in it. But like, I do feel really, I feel sorry for people that are so tortured that they can't stop. And that it's like, diarrhea of the mouth that you're just mad about everybody your partner's friends with. And like, I can't stress this enough.

The guy that she was dating, like, would never have cheated on her. He just wouldn't have done it. And the people that she thought he was going to do it with, he just wasn't. And I think that like, if you truly believe that the person that you are with is going to cheat on you, then you shouldn't be with that person. But if it's every person, you really are so in your head and you're making yourself sick about this. Like, I really think that that is something that is deserving of therapy in the best way.

And you should understand, like, why you can't stop burning this to the ground. and I feel for her. It is a real impulse to not be able to stop. I do think there's some healthy jealousy. Yeah. I think that there's like some fun. I do think like some people, people want to know that you're, that you think they're so hot that you expect other people to find them hot too.

Totally agree. And I've done some like pretty funny, crazy things. Like I have dated this person sort of on and off for, I don't know, describe him as a guy that I used to date. And I saw on his birthday, this girl posted this photo of them out for his birthday. him and four girls. I looked all of them up and then I texted him all the reasons that I'm better than every single one of them. I thought it was super funny. He knows that I'm not yelling at him and being mad at him about shit. It just, I thought it was like a hysterical thing and that lets him know that like I find him attractive and I want to murder every girl that stands near him.

I like, you said that. With an ex of mine one time, I just went back on his Facebook and found a profile pick of him with his girlfriend like five years prior and just wrote, who is this? in all caps with a knife emoji. And then just, just for him, like, to make him laugh. But the way the Facebook worked, it showed up in the feed. So the next morning, Jenny texted me. She goes, I'm crying at my desk. She's like, I had guy friends being like, Ashley are crazy.

And they were like, the picture was from like 2012. Like, it was like his girlfriend from so many years prior. Like, and I just was like, it's too funny. I'm going to leave it. He was like, Ashley, what are you doing? I'm like, it's funny. I think it's hilarious. Now it's in the timeline.

I just, I love those little things. I think it's funny to let somebody know, like, like you said, I think you're hot. I think you're hot. People should want to fuck you. The craziest thing I did was last summer, this guy I was dating, sent me a photo of himself sitting on his porch and his computer was on his lap. And it was like a huge like landscape photo of like, it was his yard. And I zoomed in like 300 times to the computer screen to see who he was G-chatting with.

And I was like, who the fuck is Amanda? Yeah. And I just, I thought it was funny. Like he thought. it was funny. He knows I'm not being serious. Like, it is so insane that somebody would blow a photo up that many times to be like, what are you fucking talking to

a man? I know. Like, I do think there's healthy jealousy and you can be funny about it. And I think that it's fine to communicate like, not funny stuff, but like, it's fine to say like, I'm mad about this. This is where I stand. This is how I expect to be treated. And somebody can tell you I'm not going to treat you like that and go fuck yourself. That's what I do. You're allowed to be mad

about stuff and set boundaries. And then see how it unfolds. Yeah. And And I think my nature, again, is like a little bit jealous. And so I was dating a guy not too long ago that I felt like I would always see him doing stuff with girls and like feel that like initial reaction of jealousy and then have to literally be like, Ashley, you have so many guy friends and they are all hot and awesome and amazing. Like how hard is it to date you? Like how hard is it for a guy I'm dating to see me hanging out with guys that are super hot,

successful, you know, Rob, Francis, this and that. You know what I mean? Like I would, I had a boyfriend. I would come to New York. like stay in Rob's apartment with him. Like the guys I dated dealt with it. I'm sure they didn't love it. But like I just always have to put it back on myself of like you do the same thing and

nothing is going on. And I wanted to talk about really quickly. I wanted to talk about the no new friends thing because I like have a lot to say. I'll just use an example. I became friends with Francis while he has always had a girlfriend. He's not a girlfriend since we met him. Like serious girlfriend. Like they live together now.

So like I was a new friend. You know what I mean? Like I was a new friend that became like very close with him. and I think, A, there was some work-related issues there. You know, we both do comedy. I think, like, we connected professionally. But when we hung out, like, the first time Francis invited us to come hang out was, like, at a party at his house, like, his girlfriend was there.

You know what I mean? It wasn't like, hey, you want me and you to go get a drink? Like, I think there's, like, ways to make new friendships that, like, unspoken rules that people should abide by if they're making new friendships with members of the opposite sex when they're dating somebody. And I think those involve kind of like, again, the openness. Like, I met this person that's cool in the area of work that I'm in. Or, you know, I'm thinking of inviting these girls.

Ashley Raina to the barbecue this weekend. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's just like all in the approach, all in like how you choose to spend your time with those people and like letting your partner know. Also, again, we've talked about this for multiple weeks now. There's people with open relationships that none of this fucking matters. You know what I mean? Like I'm just talking about pretty traditional. Like you, you want you're monogamous and you have a amount of healthy jealousy.

And I think we always jokingly say no new friends, but that would be hypocritical because like you and I have become friends with men that have girlfriends. We're friends with guys that are married or friends of Mike and Mike. They have wives. We became friends with them while they were with their wives. Like I think there's a level of how you start those new friendships and how transparent you are about it with your partner and like what you should expect from your partner if he is making quote unquote new friends. But I think there's context there. Like exactly. You met him for the first time at a comedy show and we socialized with his girlfriend. She's aware of it.

When he comes to hang out with us, she is aware of it. It's not hidden. It's not, don't mention this to her. It doesn't feel so duplicitous. Like, everything is within context. Like, I think it is more, you know, if somebody just starts popping up, you never heard of her. She's commenting on his Instagram.

Why is this going on? You should absolutely ask about it. You don't talk to like a crazy person. But I do think we should touch on coworkers for just a second, because I think, you know, your man's at work, you're significant others at work, and they're spending all this time with this person and they understand a part of your partner's life that you just don't, you're not around for it. And I think it's natural to feel a little jealousy about like the person that they spend

all this time with. Yeah, for sure. I guess the main thing is like, are they excluding you from like their work life? You know what I mean? Because I think people are entitled to have their separate hobbies, have their separate friends and work and things like that. like you don't need to like become one. Like I don't think that's a healthy relationship at all.

But like there is a line of like, why don't they invite you every once in a while out? You know, I think healthy relationships, you do know your partner's co-workers and what they're doing. And this isn't just like always be involved. But like asking yourself, are you being excluded for some reason and why? Yeah. Everybody I've ever dated, it's no big deal if I pop into a happy hour after work. I'm included in holiday plans. I know they're co-workers.

I know the like work drama at work. work. You know, you know when you're being excluded and when somebody is trying to like hide something. And also, I mean, just ask yourself, do I trust my partner? Do I trust my person go to their job and have a relationship with somebody the opposite sex and not fucks them? Right. Like, I think it's totally fine that you're not a part of every part of your partner's life. And maybe they do flirt with the person a little bit at work. But as long as you know that that person is aware that you exist, flirt with somebody at work back. Whatever. Get back to them. You don't, like, not get back at them, but like, I always think like that.

know, like, if I could do this, you know, if I could be a little flirty with like someone of the opposite sex at work, like, why can't my partner and it be okay? You know what I mean? And if you think it can't be, then that, then maybe you have some trust issues there that there's like an underlying issue. Yep. So I want to give credit to how stress out, it might make you feel that your partner spends a whole day with another person and they understand that. But as long as you feel like you're being included and you're, you know, it's above board and that person knows you exist, I would just sort of let it go. Everybody's going to have a private life that you're not a part of all the time. There's nothing you can do to stop that.

So yeah. And yeah, of course, your partner could go to work and fall in love with their co-worker. You're just going to never let your partner out of the house. We're going to do you. I'm kind of like that idea. Oh, my God. I'm just kidding. You guys go into business together. You start a candle making Etsy business. You're like, this is the only way I can keep you back now. Keep tabs on you. I never work with my partner. Oh, my God. So I think to like wrap this part up, if you're sitting here and thinking like, I've tried all these things, I've tried all these things. I tried to be calm. I set boundaries. I asked him to stop doing these things and he still won't stop with.

the close girlfriend and I feel like shit. Like I think that you're in a tough place but I at least feel comfortable walking away from situations knowing I tried everything. And I think at some point you have to say to yourself I'm going to let this go and I'm going to feel comfortable knowing that I'm the head bitch here and I'm number one

or you've got to walk away. I don't know. Yeah, I think it's like anything else. It's like any other issue you have in your relationship. You bring it up in a rational way. You deal with your shit internally. You bring it up to your partner. You set these boundaries. if they still aren't hearing you, they're still not validating you. That could be indicative of a larger problem in your relationship anyway.

So I don't know any couples that have ever broken up because of the one person's opposite sex friends. But if this is this huge problem, you're fighting about all the time. You keep having the same fight. Ask yourself what else is going on in the relationship too. So, you know, in general, I think it's like across the board relationship advice. If this issue, you cannot get past it, you know you come to a crossroads and you see what you got to do.

I love what you said because I think that, like, If someone invalid, no one's going to break up because of like this one friend, they're going to break up because your partner invalidates everything you think and feel about everything. Right. It's not just going to be that. So I think that's great advice. Yeah. Let's talk about if someone you're dating is jealous of your friends. We kind of already touched on it. But I haven't totally experienced this, but I think we should just knock it out of the way. Like you are a person like me and you, you have guy friends and you're dating somebody and he is jealous. I'm not dating. I'm not going to date that.

person. I just, I feel like, but I mean, I feel like some of this changes with age. I feel like, you know, I have become less jealous than I was when I was really young. I've learned to just let things go a little bit. I've also learned, as we've said over and over, that I'm not going to stop somebody from cheating on me, so it doesn't matter. I do think we grow out of these behaviors. I think at this point in my life, like, if somebody said to me, like, I don't like that you're on the road all the time and I don't know what you're doing and who you're with and who you're going out with. And if somebody started giving me shit for like hanging out with the venue staff after a show, like there's only so many things I can do to reassure you that I am committed to you,

that I care about you, that you're my priority, that I have plenty of friends I haven't fucked and I will continue to not fuck. There's only so much I can do to appease somebody else's ego and then at some point that's their problem. Yeah, I mean, I think that you ask yourself, one, do they have a reason to be? Are you hiding something? Are you being as honest and transparent and open as you can be? Like, take a step back. You know, like, am I giving this person reason to be jealous or are they are they a jealous person are they gaslighting you or are they accusing you of stuff and do you want to be with that person right like i have a girlfriend that she dated this guy they went on a few dates and he started acting jealous she came to visit me in new

york and he was coming at her for guys being in the instagram stories and i she went on to date him for a while they are not together anymore but he was like that the entire rest of the relationship being a ton of insecurities and of course they broke up and And I've told her this. If I were her, I would have never gotten past that point. I know that he was like a guy that she felt chemistry with. He was a good looking guy. I never would have gotten past the point of you coming at me while I'm on vacation because

you see guys and Instagram stories. We've been on three days. I think if someone shows you that early on, that's a jealous person. Are they aware? Are they working on it? Or are they a crazy jealous, possessive person? I'm not dating that person. It is a huge turnoff to me.

Of course I went healthy jealousy. of course I want you to think I'm desirable and that other guys want to fuck me, but like the accusations and the possessiveness is not for me. So for that reason, I'm out. I want to agree with you. I want to give an example,

but I also want to say how I probably would start if somebody really was being super jealous. And I cared about the person. I'm not talking first three dates. I'm on a person. They're acting jealous. You know, I went out that guy last year. Right.

You dealt with us. The bartender, the bartender bought us shots. The reason why he bought us shots is because I used to have food blog and the owner of the bar knew me and told that bartender send me and my date shot. And this guy, he acted crazy. And I really didn't like it. And I got up and left a date, which, by the way, if you are uncomfortable with a man, you get up and you walk out of that fucking date, leave because I was so uncomfortable.

One of the first things I said to him when he started acting like this was, do you always act like this? Has this been a problem with other people before? And he said yes. It was nuts. So honestly, of course, that is not a person. I'm continuing to date. If it's date three and you're already acting like a fucking lunatic, I'm out.

But if I'm a little further into relationship and I do think that you and I have a job that not everybody has, if somebody said to me, it makes me uncomfortable that you're always on the road, you're around all these men, I'm not with you, I don't know what you're doing. The first thing I would say is, is there something that I'm doing to make you feel like this? And if there's something I'm doing that I can stop that would be reasonable. Is there anything I can do to appease you? Maybe it's just, you just want a phone call at the end of the night. Every night you just want to know, I go back to the hotel, you want the phone call before

I go to bed, fine. And I think if we do that a few times, you'll probably start to trust me a little more anyways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you feel like you're heard, your boundaries have been respected, I do think it'll stop a little bit. I know everybody doesn't have jobs

where they travel, of course, but I would at least start, you know, is this a rational person? Is there something I can do to make you feel better? Is there something I've been doing that makes you feel bad? Right. And then you evaluate, am I capable of doing those things? Am I willing to do those things?

Is this rational? Is this okay? You start doing that, and then it's usually fine. Yeah. Okay. Usually, though. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, because some people are just crazy jealous and possessive. Yeah. That usually escalates into like bad behavior. So, but yeah, just, you know, I can see that situation. I like that you said that. Like, hey, I've listened to your podcast. You always talk about getting offstage and fucking the bouncers. You know what I mean?

Like I, I'm a human. I am going to assume that that could happen. I don't know. Someone might, you know, maybe a guy that has a little bit more tendency to be jealous. Like plenty of guys would be secure with it. and they would be like, well, she's with me now, and that was like her crazy single days, and those her days are over. But I can see a scenario which people know a little more information about you.

Or, you know, they look back at your Instagram and they realize you used to be a crazy party girl and you were with all these guys and you were doing fucking, what, t-shirt contest on spring break and whatever. And they're like a little hesitant about who you are as a person. And I think that's a great example to like, hey, what, is there anything I can do? And there's there anything I'm doing. Mm-hmm. And you and I also are like a specific outlier case.

Not everybody has like a podcast or a talk about sex and dating and then we go on the road. But yeah, I think that it is, it's totally healthy to say, am I doing something? Can I stop doing it? Am I willing to do that? And we see, yeah, the crazy unwarranted, I'm not doing anything to make somebody feel jealous. Like, I'm a pretty trustworthy person. I'm pretty above board. Everybody I've ever dated has immediately met all of my guy friends, knows everybody in my life.

It would be weird for you to feel crazy jealous. And I'm just, I'm out. Like, I'm just not dating that person. Like, I'm not going to get screamed at and accused of things and feel upset all. the time and then creates this pattern where I'm just lying to you all the time about stuff. I'm just not going to do it. Like grow the fuck up. Right. I just think like in terms of jealousy, like check in with yourself and there's like no amount of like combing someone's emails and texts and DMs and fighting with them that's going to stop them. And I've tried. You know,

like I have gone to the break of insanity and back to try to stop somebody and all it did is make myself miserable. And if somebody is determined to be duplicitous, they will be. And I'm not saying don't ask questions. I'm not saying don't drop boundaries and communicate how you want to be treated. But what I am saying is don't make yourself sick over someone else's behavior. And just try to have healthy reactions to it and see where it goes. Yeah. So we want to talk about our listeners, male, female friendships. We are calling this, well, we're calling it the friend zone, but it's the mutual friend zone because I think friend zone has a connotation of like one person wants to not be in the zone, in the zone, and you are in it. So this is like you and

you're, let's say you're a woman, you and your best guy friend. You've been mutually happily friend zoned with each other. And obviously, like 90% of the responses were that he shits in front of you and farts in front of you. So, yeah, we didn't skip over that.

But we got some great stuff from you guys just so that you can look at a relationship and know that it is totally platonic with you and somebody of the opposite sex. Yes. Do you want to start? Yes. I felt personally attacked by this.

and I had to read it. Raina does not understand this zone. Rana fucking understands the zone, okay? If my guy friends have a girlfriend, I'm staying away. Okay. How do you know, by the way? Okay, so how do you know that you're in the friend zone? He calls me mom.

He tells me I'm like a sister to him. I fucked most of my guy friends and actually really stop when they like a girl. Good for you. He sends me his dick pics to gross me out when we're having an argument over text. Oh, my God. We drunkenly made out once and I cried about it.

I'm assuming she cried because she was so grossed out. We send each other poop TikTok. No. We got a lot of that. Videos on the toilet. Got a whole bunch of these. This is how I know we're in the friend zone. He's gay.

Okay. Yep. That makes sense. Yeah. I love this. They're protective of me talking to a new guy yet receptive. I love that. Balance is key.

They introduce you to their friends. You fuck the friends. They don't care. That's how you know. That's how you know true. Your guy friend has zero feelings for you. If you fucked a friend, he introduced you too and he didn't care. I gave him.

text tips to help him out with other girls. Oh, I gave Rob a vibrator for him. Yeah, you gave up that vibrator. I'm so mad about it. I was drunk and I was like, do you want this? I miss it every day. He legit is not cute, like not at all. That's how she knew they were in the friend zone. He would never touch for longer than 0.3 seconds.

That's how I know I'm in the friend zone with Ashley. He's one of the first people I text to say, I did a thing. I feel like that's very friend zoning. I feel like you did something like really nutso. Yeah. And like that's something I text my girlfriend. Yes, but you text your girlfriend. Okay.

So this next one is, it's for you. Okay. This is for me. He's 5-5 and I'm 5-10. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm a bridesmaid in his wedding to his fiancee on her side. Oh, I love that. I was a bridesmaid on my guy friend's side.

We were the best man. Oh, he was the best man. We always cuddle naked, yet high and watch movies. We're that platonic, so it's never weird. Girl, that's not platonic. I wrote this death. You're naked. Cuddle. No, why are you guys naked?

Does she think she was answering the slide? This is how I knew he was gay. Okay. She's like, why are you guys naked? Okay. He calls me dude, bro, buddy, or friend. He explains to me in great detail all of his sexual conquests.

He sees me wearing my sweatpants pulled up to my tities and a low pony. Oh my gosh. She's got like the colonial founding father pony. He knows when my period is every month. He told me I've never been attracted. to you and I think it was so sweet. I'm trying to... I don't think it's sweet.

I don't know if I'd like that. I wouldn't like it. I want you to be attracted to me. At one point, just like one moment. They were like, is she hot? All moments. I want them to be like, listen, I'm not going to cross the line, but I would. We sleep in the same bed drunk sometimes.

Nothing has ever happened. He calls me at 2 p.m. Not 2 a.m. That's funny. We fucked once and now we both know we never ever want that again. Same. I've experienced that. So bad.

Never going back. Weekly. nights together. That's not something you do with someone you're trying to fuck. I love that. You can like wing woman for wingman, wing woman for each other. He consulted me for advice when he got Chlamydia. Yeah, that's so true. He doesn't want to fuck you. We go to dinner and split the check. No questions asked. Same, same, same. He's fucked all my friends. We talk about him getting blow jobs from strangers and I couldn't literally give less of a fuck. I don't have the urge to make out with him when I'm drunk off my ass. And I gave him an in-depth explanation for how the Diva Cup works.

I'm not doing that with my man. The Deva Cup. Yeah. It's like the period cup. You know how I knew that I was platonically friends with Dylan? Is that he came over at 10 p.m. to hang shelves and he actually hung the shelves. Well, he didn't actually hang the shelves. Well, he attempted to hang the shelves.

That's how I knew. I was texting me about this last night. I was like, how did you know we were platonic friends? He was like I came over to hang shelves at 10 p.m. All right, guys. Well, hope you enjoyed this episode. Yeah. I hopefully made a lot of you feel better about things.

Yeah, exactly. Just stop being such a crazy bit. You're a bitch. Unless you have a reason to be. Then burn his house down. You guys know where to find us. Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Girls Gottoeat Ead Podcast.com. Ash Hess, rena.orghumberg on Instagram, girls underscore got eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Got to Eat. And that's it for us. Have a great week, guys.