Girls Gotta Eat - Just Say the Thing

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

In our first solo episode of the year, we're diving deeper into a topic combo that's always relevant: Communication and conflict. We're covering romantic relationships, friendships, and even work situations while discussing the importance of speaking up when something bothers you, how to express yourself in a productive way, why your initial reaction isn't always how you really feel, and how to re-address something when you already reacted one way. Before we get into it, Rayna pops off about everything that's been happening in pop culture (ahem, Tristan Thompson), and Ashley shares an overdue date story. And we're ending the episode with a classic segment, Fuck My Phone. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Helix: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders + 2 free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge. Native: Get 20% off your first purchase by visiting nativedeo.com/ggedeo or using code GGEDEO. Daily Harvest: Get up to 40% off your first box at dailyharvest.com/gge. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, romantic relationships are really tough. There's like one of, there's two kinds of conflicts. There's conflicts are like little. I want him to like eat my butt hole. Okay. And it's just like, say the thing. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back.

It's episode 202. We forgot to announce our 200th episode. And then we forgot to announce that we forgot to announce our 200th episode. So now we're three weeks out. And we wanted to announce our 200th episode from three weeks ago. We made it. We were so excited about our 200th episode. We literally had it in our outline. We're like, oh my gosh, what are we going to do for the 200th? Then never mentioned it. We did a solo episode, just the two of us didn't bring it up. This is crazy. We were so upset about it. Yeah, we went ahead of time and like put it on the outline and then just never brought it up. Well, guys, we made it. 200 to 2 episodes. 20. We also forgot to acknowledge our 50th live show. We didn't do it until 51, right? No, no, no. We did 50th. 50th was in St. Louis. So we're about to come up in 100. We're figuring that out.

San Diego, I think it's one. We think it's San Diego. Don't quote us on that. Listen, let's just address the Azul situation. Because I said I would address it last week. So last week during an ad read, this is why you guys don't skip them. I revealed that Azul has, basically I said the word Verde.

Raina congratulated me for pronouncing it correctly. Okay, I'm learning Spanish. and it jogged my memory that Azola has a brother named Verde, a brother. I say that loosely. Azola is a brother named Verde and a sister named Roja and another sister named Rose. So if you know a little bit of Spanish, those are all Spanish colors. And here's the thing. I don't know how much I've talked about Azul's history.

Basically, I got him from Animal Lighthouse, a rescue here in New York. He came from a shelter in South Carolina. He was seized from an arrest. This woman, I don't have all the details. arrested, she had her dogs in the car. And there was four dogs, not like the same, like, they're not technically brothers.

Like, the very doesn't look like a Zol. Oh. I don't know what the sisters look like. She just was like a color stand. Spanish color stand. But here's the thing. Here's the big mystery. We don't know if that was actually their names or the shelter did that because sometimes when

shelters take in a group, they'll name them a theme. Snacks. Yes. Yes. One of the community like Dorito, Cheeto, Tostito.

Yes, Raina, you get it. Literally it'll be like, we got four new dogs, Butterfinger, Snickers. What? This is a thing? I can't believe I just learned this. They don't always do it,

but sometimes when they get a group in, they'll just keep them in a theme. So like one can be named like table, chair, and love scene. Probably not like that would. But yes, snacks. They do snacks. It's great.

Colors. Yes. So I don't know, maybe they do like the golden girls, RIP to Betty White. But we're going to talk about. later, actually. A lot happy this week. So anyway, I just, that's the story. And it's so funny because they're here in New York. If you guys know where Verde is, if you know someone adopted,

like he was kind of tan looking, he's short-haired from Animal Lighthouse named Verde. Hit me up. Let's have a meet up. You guys have like a meet up? A reunion. But I was thinking recently, like, I never would have chosen the name Azul. But when Azul came to me, I didn't have another dog name picked out. And I, now, like, I think it's the cutest name of all time. It's, It's so cute. I love hearing other people say it. I love hearing you say it. I love hearing you say it. I just think I say it. I just think it sounds cute to hear other people say it. It's this short, cute name. It starts in A like mine. And it's just so adorable. I never would have chosen it. But like what a cute fun name. I know. It's a cute one name. Well, hopefully we'll meet Rose and Roja on Verde. I mean,

they're here in New York. Rose, Roja, Verde, if you're out there. Let's get brunch. I saw a dog one time it looked like Verde at the dog park and I was just listening. I was like, if they say Verde, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. Do you have photos of your day? He's on their, he's on their Instagram. I'll pull him up. All right. Well, I'm really hoping that this works out for us.

But that's his, that's Azul's history, if you guys know. And again, like, when we did that big fundraiser for Animal Lighthouse, they were like, is there anything we can do for you? I'm like, yes. Were you in brunch? Find out what that woman was arrested for. You've made up your own story. Give me the arrest record. Ashley wants the tea.

Anything else we can do? The gossip would be great. Who hasn't died to know this tea? I got to know. I got to know. I don't know. All of these dogs just came marching on out of the house. And then the mystery of like, did,

math bust? Yes. I mean, clearly it was meth looking at Azul's teeth. Clearly they were all doing meth together. Zol's freebaseing with Roja. Fair day's more of a Coke guy. It sounds like your life. Bairday.

More of. Oh, my God. Okay. Speaking of, here's my leap. Speaking of Spanish, close to Mexico, Texas, we're in Texas this week. We are coming to Texas. Finally, you guys, the very first shows that we canceled the beginning of COVID, Dallas and Houston. We're coming this week.

If you guys are coming to the shows, please message us, let us know some tea, talk some shit on the people you're coming with. Let us know if you are bringing any single hot guys. Get your sex ready and your phone for us to maybe do some fun stuff with it. It's going to be wild. We released a couple new tickets for Houston. maybe there's still some available so just check the website always and then that's it. We'll see you guys

this week and we have tons of tickets for shows coming up all over the country and then guys we're going to take a little break. Yeah so I mean not like a permanent break but we are just going to take a couple months off probably this summer so when we wrap up

Toronto whenever we get that date. Last night our agent told us allegedly he thinks he secured the date. Well it's also who knows with COVID I think by June but It's looking like early June for Toronto. So again, you guys will know the second that we know. But prior to that, we are in Detroit, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, Kansas City, and St. Louis.

And then we are going to take a little bit of time off as of now. That's our plan. And probably won't come to that part of the country for a minute. So again, we wish we could be everywhere, but we just can't be. And we're working on it. And we want to come see you guys in Omaha, for example, you know, wherever it may be. but we just may not get to that in the year. So if you live close to like Kansas City, for example,

that's a Saturday night show. I think, wasn't I telling you Omaha? I know we have actually mapped it. I mapped out Omaha to Kansas City. People ask about Wisconsin. Yeah. We just, we would love to go everywhere all the time, but we have like 20 more shows this year.

And then we're going to take a couple months off from track. Well, also, I mean, you know, depending on how large a market is, that's when we get to do like a bomb-ass theater show, right? So like, this is like behind the scenes? Yeah, we could probably go do a comedy club. been like Omaha, but it'd be more bomb to come to Kansas City. We're doing this badass theater. We'll have a bigger, better show. So make a weekend out of it. I'm just talking to people from

Omaha. Maybe you're coming from Des Moines. Yeah. Idaho. Iowa. I fucked somebody from one of those places. Exactly. I can't remember. Idaho. Des Moines is Iowa. I think he's from Boise's Idaho. He might be from Boise. Recently. Do you remember where he was from? Skinny one. They were from Iowa. One of them was from North Dakota. An antivaxer, I just said. It's a whole long story. Boise is and Boise. I just had a situation. I'm not going to get into it.

But anyway, guys, keep it in mind if you're close and you can make it, especially that Kansas City Saturday night, big theater, you got tickets to sell, Detroit. You know, if you're close by, just make the trip. Make the trip. You guys are asking about Ohio a lot. Come to Pittsburgh. Can't stress it enough.

Come to Pittsburgh. Indianapolis, Detroit. Our shows are wild. They are my most fun night of the week year, always. We just have so much fun. It's such an experience. Thank you guys is always for coming. You can get all those tickets.

Girls Getty Podcasts.com. We have merch there. We're going to have new merch pretty soon. You know, merch is a journey. So get the stuff that's there while it last. I think that's all of our house cleaning for now. Please leave reviews, five stars. Thank you guys.

You've been leaving a lot. Yay. Continue to do it. Five star rating. You don't have to leave a review. Don't worry about it. We're not reading them anyway. Don't even read them.

We don't read that five stars. A lot has happened in my life this week. Oh my gosh. So many things are happening. Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos fame was sentenced last night. She was 20 years in prison. Wait, oh my God, I didn't see the sentencing. I just thought she was found guilty.

They sound guilty. It will likely be 20 years in prison unless somehow she can turn the verdict around, but she cannot. If you guys don't know, Bad Blood is like my favorite book. It's about the Theranos case. One of my favorite songs also, the Kendrick Rebix. They based the book on the song, actually. Listen, it's a financial crimes situation. If you guys want to read an unbelievable book,

it's about like a crazy situation. Or just watch the documentary. Yeah, or watch it. It's my favorite book. Read the book. Or watch a documentary in HBO. But I think it's a fascinating case. And I love to see people that medically tricked the American people going to prison. So that's really nice for me.

I love that. Tristan Thompson. I know the world like a couple days away. But listen, he really cheated on Chloe again. I know everyone's surprised. Not just cheated. On his Instagram story that he did impregnate another woman. But listen, it's not indicative of how he feels about Chloe.

I mean, it's so crazy. Again, like, we're doing this the day after the news came out, so it might be little old news by the time this runs, and I might cut this, but we'll see. But it's just how... I was telling Rada, this is going to come out wrong, but I don't care. How easy is it to cheat discreetly and not...

Cheat discreet. I was going to put it on a T-shirt. And wrap it up. Like, cheat all you want. I think Chloe, if he was out cheating, discreetly, not knocking other women up, she'd be there for it. She obviously doesn't care about him being faithful.

Just don't... get anyone else pregnant and don't be up in the club getting hand jobs or whatever he was doing. Like this guy is such a sleaze. Like I also think like if you want to have an open relationship, have an open relationship. You know what I mean? Like some people have agreements. It works for them. You know, you know, you just want to be the number one.

And you know that like your athlete boyfriend or your famous boyfriend or your regular old boyfriend might have side pieces here and there. Like what he does is insane. Like the impregnating someone else is just wild. I have never seen behavior like this. And like no one cares about celebrity gossip more than me. I do that athletes are like the top, top, top of cheating. But yes, to have like two women jerking you off in a club on camera is so crazy that you could do this behind closed doors. The point is that you are humiliating your partner.

Just over and over and over again. Yeah, lots of people have open relationships. And they're like, I'm going to turn a blind eye. I don't fucking care. It's the father of my child. He can do what he wants. But make it easy for me. Yes.

Like, he's like, here I am again. Baby on the way. He's like, buzz, buzz. I knocked another woman up. Just get a vasectomy. Right. Ten minutes. I mean, it really is so crazy.

And then he just does like a public apology to Chloe. I would be mortified. I would be like, keep my name out of your fucking mouth because his apology, it said like, you don't deserve this and you've never deserved this for years. Just reminding the world of what she's put up with. Like, I just feel like further embarrassing her. That's true true. Like just leave me out of it.

Uh-huh. Like you didn't. Also, let's just keep it between us. Maybe we have private conversations about this. You don't need to tell everybody you're sorry. I think it's just so. I mean, then people will harass him for. Not saying sorry. I mean, it's a lose-lose on top of a, I mean, but, you know, you fucked up.

So that's, you get what you deserve. But I got to spend my evening during the commercial breaks of the new Bachelor trolling Tristan Thompson on the internet, which is one of my favorite things to do. And commenting on every gossip website, page six, e-news, everything. Fuck you, Real Tristan Thompson. At Real Tristan Thompson, if you guys want to troll him too. It's really fun. Tristan Thompson, 13. At Real Tristan Thompson. Oh, that's what is. Why did I say 13? It might be 13. What is that? What is that? What is his handle? Real Tristan.

No, you're right. It's real Tristan 13. Real Tristan. How did, we got there together. Also, if you guys are OG fans of the podcast, good afternoon to everybody, but Tristan Thompson. I mean,

we've been shitting on him since day one. We are the OG shitters on Tristan Thompson. I can't get enough of it. I was commenting on e-news about it. Ashley's like in the comments. She's like, hype in me. She's like, go up, queen. I had a great night.

Trolling Tristan Thompson. And then in between that, of course, the new Bachelor and The Bachelor Recaps from Jared Freed. I just, like, can't get enough of it. Listen, I think Clayton is really sweet. I feel bad for him. They sent a girl in five hours before filming just to fuck his life up. I mean, it's really crazy. The producers hate this guy, so much.

I don't know what the deal is. His, you know, coming out as The Bachelor, they were like, read mean stuff about yourself. The people said about you on the internet. Now they're like, let's have this girl he never met. Let's get him to fall for her real quick and then have her dump him. Like, it's so wild. And I don't know.

Wow. The season feels like it's prime for hilarious stuff to happen. Like Jared Fried is just, this is his peak content. Like it's kind of, you know, whatever. People have mixed feelings in The Bachelor. It's back to kind of like old school bachelor. You know, it's like he, the fact that he looks exactly like the host. It's just wild. And then like all these, you know, crazy girls, a lot of pageant girls. There's a virgin. They all say, find my person. All of them. Yeah. So it's just, it's going to be, I think a lot of drama. Like Jared joked that he's like this Captain America So these girls are extra like that's my man You know like gotta have the like American dream

Biggest hands I've ever seen on a human bang We didn't even talk about this last night I've never seen a hand like this You ever seen an underbite like that? I've never in my life He always looks like a thought is percolating in his head He's not sure if he's gonna be able to make it out I think it's underbite

I mean Azul's a fan because of the underbite Oh we love an underbite in this family I'm just really looking forward to it I'm enjoying this season I feel kind of bad for him he seems like a little sweaty. And also really crazy, they, they already released through the final three-ar. Yeah, that thought that was weird. I don't know if that was like a, if there, it's, that was like a Baden Switch, like, those, that wasn't, that wasn't what he was saying to those girls. It seems weird. I feel like they gave

all these spoilers in the trailer. But bottom line is he does sleep with like a whole bunch of people and, like, tells them and like, and I'm so excited. And they're all hysterical. One of them is on these concrete steps. I'm like, girl, you're going to get. It's so crazy. Because like, what do you think happened in the fantasy suite? They were hysterical. I mean, this just just happened? Don't people usually, like, like fuck. Well, so I, you know, I know some people used to work on the show, like, pretty high up. And the story was that, for the most part, men, the bachelors slept with the final three, had sex with the final three. And women, the bacheloretts typically only slept with the final two. So that was

usually how it played out. Oh, all right. Good. Thank you for keeping me up today. Does that kind of make sense. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think most empowered women are like, if you're down to two, you're not going to not fuck them. You're not going to get engaged to some guy you don't know if he can dick you down. I'm gonna be fucking. And then the guy is like they're going to, you know, the second they get in the fantasy suite, it's on. Game on.

Which, which bachelorette? She just like, fuck that guy really early. That was amazing. What was it? I forget which one it was. Remember like Ben Philanjic? I was forgot his last name. Courtney, like, showed up at his house, like his room in the Atlantic? How do you remember that? Did you watch that? My friend was on that season.

Courtney was one of the original, like, Corny was like a villain hose. Such a villain. She, like, snuck down to his room and, like, the middle of the night. I love him, like, villain slut. What an amazing character to be. I loved her. I thought she was such good television.

Oh, yeah. I have a friend who's no longer my friend that was on that season. Courtney and Ben, that is a deep cut. Okay, and then I have just three recommendations for you guys. It's been a big week in television for me. The Harry Potter's one of my favorite, like, series of all time. I read the books. I love the movies.

I'm obsessed. So the 20-year anniversary. It's crazy. I don't even know how we've anything to talk about. You don't watch Harry Potter or reality TV. And we literally talk 24 hours a day. So that is on HBO. It's really just like really feel good.

It's like beautiful to look back on the movies. Being the Ricardo's is Nicole Kidman's movie about being I Love Lucy. And it's just, I thought it was really great. It's really like kind of darker. It's about how Lucy Obal was accused of being a communist. It's a true story. It's really interesting.

Get that on Amazon. on, great movie, great brand new movie. I really liked it. It was interesting. And then because it's just timely because our lady and Queen Betty White passed away, unfortunately. There is a great documentary about her life called The First Lady of Television on Netflix. Like a new one or this was from before? It was made in 2017, I think. Okay. Lots of great cameos from people she's worked with. She was an actress for 70 years. Oh, she's an icon. And yeah. A couple things. Insane power move to let people run a cover about your 100th birthday and die two weeks before.

Insane. What? What do you let them? I mean, just saying like people did a cover like Betty's 100th birthday. Yeah, sent it to you. I was, you were like Betty White Dad.

I was like, listen, she's an icon. She like went out on yours. That's wild. I was at Duane Reed. I turned around. I saw the people cover and I was like,

oh. It's so wild. That cover comes out. A hundredth birthday. She's like, nah. Okay. And also I am reading a new book. Okay.

About teenage influencers. Fiction. What? Because you guys. I'm done about teenagers. And social media. You know anything that's like social media related, any documentary, any fiction, any show. I'm in and teenagers.

So this, like, I wish this book was a show because I'd be watching the show. What is it? It's called Influence. My mom gave it to me for Christmas. Oh, listen. I'm going to walk this back a little bit. It actually does look good. Okay, it does.

It does not about it. So I just started though. But it's called Influence. It's written by, I think, the woman that did pretty little liars. And then the co-writer is like a teenager. She's a 16-year- It's like when we ask Ballo, what's cool? So anyway, influenced by Lila Buckingham and Sarah Shepard. And I literally just started it.

But I've read the first couple chapters, but I'm into it. And I think it's something like a twisty kind of like mystery. And it's about these four like, influenced teenage influencer girls. They're like 17 or maybe a little older. One of them just moves to L.A. And she's like getting in the scene. Oh my God. I'm so excited.

It sounds so juicy. It looks really good. Actually, I will give you that. So I can't stress it up. That's my brand. That sounds like the nicest light reading. I got like five books last night on cognitive therapy. That's like the body, the body, what is it?

The body keeps the score. Like I have all this like really heavy shit in my room. I'll probably like segue over to what you're reading at some point. Well, I have this book called Animal. Francis recommended it to me and it's by the author. I forget her name. I'm blanking her name right now, but she also wrote three women, which is a phenomenal book. So I'm very excited to read it.

He was like, Ashley, you have to read this book. He told me a couple times and I finally was like, I ordered it. Oh, right. Yes, yes. Okay, I was trying to remember. Animal. You can't just Google Animal.

Photos are adorable. Lisa Todayo. Yeah. And I have, this woman just like snaps. It's about like the patriarchy, I think. But again, she wrote three women, which is actually this wonderful book that someone gifted us at a show.

Remember that? This was years ago. I thought your mom gave it to ask. I had a couple copies for a minute. Your mom loved it. One time in a show people brought them to us, which was like so nice. So yeah, those are pretty much.

are Rex. So I have a story for you. Okay. Well, whatever. Today we're talking about communication and we'll get to it and it's kind of like, we'll explain it. But this is just a funny story that I hadn't told you yet and it does kind of have to deal with communication. I'm excited. It's just funny. So, okay, I haven't told this brand of the story. I was like waiting to tell her on the podcast so I could tell her with all you guys and just see her reaction. So I told you guys that I went on a date, a couple dates, I guess, with this guy over Thanksgiving. And I need to set the scene of what happened for this date. So this was the first. third time we had hung out over Thanksgiving and we'd hung out so we'd hung out a couple

times before that and I told him some things about myself obviously. So I told him that we got to talking about, I don't even know, strip club, something. And I said that when I lived in Atlanta, I would go to the Claremont Lounge, which the Claremont Lounge, iconic landmark, old strippers. So they're like 60s, 70s even one named Blondie. She's an Atlanta legend. And I thought it was funny to bring people there that didn't know what it was. So Yeah. Like we brought my parents there and did it. Rob and I brought my parents there not telling them

this strip club. My dad walks in, he's enjoying the band, and then there's like titties in his face. Like it's hysterical to me. Like it's so funny to me. And so I would bring dates there and like a couple times I match with guys from out of town. And I would be like, just meet me at this bar. And I just thought it was funny for them to walk in and to be like an old stripper. Like I just think it's a very funny thing.

Maybe I'm a psycho. I thought that was a funny thing to do. No, the Garrett in the West Village I used to tell people to meet there all the time. You know the Garrett's five guys on the bottom. So he's just be like, we're on this, like, great place. And that would take him to five guys. And it's just funny. I know.

I'm totally like, I'm with you. Different vibe. But yeah. Like they would like walk in and be like, where did this girl take me? And I think it was like immediate cool points. It was like a conversation piece. So I was telling him, he was like, you would have first time blind dates meet you at a strip club for old ladies. I was like, yeah.

Yeah. I'm awesome. And so we kind of, and I was telling him a little bit more about the Claremont. It's super divey. So this is when we were going to go out. And I said, I told him like, I may head down to the beach later. if you have any construction sites, remember from the noise, if you have any construction sites or elderly strip clubs to recommend.

And he writes, like, yada, yada, yada, construction sites might be easier, but the workers might have the day off. Shopping for elderly retired strippers may take checking out a handful of bars and flashing the cash so they know we're VIPs. And I wrote, are you up for the challenge? And he was like, although not typically my cup of tea, yes. And I was like, great. So I thought we were joking.

Like there's no Claremont Lounge and Dewey, you know. So I text him, I'm like, great. It's a couple of hours later I text him. I'm coming down and I'll be down around 6 or 6.30. What are you thinking? So he writes a couple places. This place, he goes, a coastal tap room, a canteen, and we could try the Starboard before 830 and just in time to eat at the bar.

These are places that you guys don't need to know what they are. I'll get to it. I was like, what are my eyes seeing? And the only thing that really sticks out to me as a place I would go is Starboard. And I call Matt down. Matt was upstairs. We're at my parents' house. I go, Matt, get down here. I read him this list of places. His jaw drops. He's like, Ashley, what are those places? He was like, coastal tap. Rube is a dive. Like, no food. Cantina also a dive. Just in time. He was like, it's this old dusty restaurant. And then Starboard before 830. Like, he obviously met when that's what the older people will be there. Like, he literally went with the theme in full. Okay. Yeah. So I was like, I don't want to go to any of those places. Like the two places are like farther up. Were you like looking at it going like, I don't want to do any of this? Like you didn't get the theme at this point.

So kind of. I was like, oh my God. Like here I am like being all joky, joking. And he committed to the theme, which I actually thought was super attractive. It's really cute.

I was like, oh my God. So Matt's dying laughing. He goes, you fucked yourself on this one. So I was like, I don't even know what to say here. Because now I'm not going to back down and be like I was just kidding and I'm lame.

You know? No. And he wrote a thing. So I go, wow, you really committed to the theme. And I said, let's just start at Starboard to ease in, right? So we ended up going to Starboard to ease in, right? To ease into the theme. And we kind of like lost, you know, it was like kind of like maybe we'll make it to one of those other places, but whatever. Then we went to eat at the brewery, like not, you know. And we're sitting at dinner. We're having dinner. And I was like, I thought that was so funny that you like recommended those places. Like I didn't know if we were joking or not. And he goes, yeah, I didn't know how far we were going to take the joke and he pulls out a giant stack of cash. No! Huge stack of ones. Huge.

I lost my mind. Oh my God. I lost it. So we ended up going to, we ended up finishing dinner at the brewery at Dewey Beercoe. And then did go have drinks at the bar just in time. Just in time is so old and dusty in there. Like no offense to it. It feels like the Claremont Lounge.

sit at the bar in just in time where the youngest people in there by like 50 years. Did you guys pay with your stacks of ones? Like, I don't even know what happened in the stack. It's like, we really did it. And then we ended at the gay bar at the purple parrot. But I just thought it was so funny that like, I was literally panicking and telling Matt. I'm like, I don't know what to do here.

Because I'm certainly not going to back down when I'm the person that like started this whole thing. Also, it's just like a really cute funny thing that somebody put any thought like that. Like a man put any thought and like a date like that. I think it's like pretty fucking cool. I loved it. Like obviously. I mean, we actually didn't go out over Christmas.

Like, we chatted a couple times. Like, he was just busy, you know, it was family. I wasn't there that much. I got down there really late because I had COVID. But yeah, it didn't happen. We messaged a couple times. I don't know. So we'll see.

But I will say that I'm always happy to plan a date, like, and say where I want to go. But I find it so attractive when you, like, say, like, hey, what are you thinking? And someone has a plan. Like, it was, I don't want to say it was a test, but it was a little bit of a test. Like, I feel like I, when I said, like, what are you thinking? Like, in my head, I haven't been. honest it was a little bit of a test. I mean, the first couple days are always a test?

Yeah. Are you going to plan a thing? And so he was like, I'm actually going to plan a thing and take you up on this joke and go get out get a stack of cash. I think it's, listen, I hate when a guy will like pick a bar and I find out it's like next door to his apartment or something like that. Like I hate it. So like any like actual plans and the fact that he went to a bank is really wild. I mean, it just, it was like so funny. It was so funny when we ended up at just in time at this like old ass bar with a bunch of locals.

I was like, if tities came out right now, we would be at the Claremont. You know me. If somebody takes me like four locations, we're just bopping around all night long, I'll marry you. That sounds like the best date of all time. It was the best date. I mean, we went to four places. Two of them were part of the theme, but it was just really funny, and I meant to tell you that. But also, if you guys are going to propose a joke theme, make sure you're ready for it if they actually go with it.

Like if you bring up going to Dave and Busters on a date in Times Square, you better be ready to go. That's exactly it. Four years ago, throwback. That happened to me. I know. I didn't invent that out of nowhere. Wait, that just unlocked that memory. I didn't unlock.

You've unlocked the next level. I always think, by the way, these kind of theme dates, things like going to Dave and Busters and Times Square or like going to three or four different dive bars, I think that is an easy way to like weed out not a potential partner. Because like, we, I think we did this email also with like Jared or something years ago. And it was like, you know, I think that's so weird that a guy would do that. And like, then that's not your person, you know?

Like, I would think it was really funny to go to Times Square and go to Dave and Buster. Some people think it's like fucking hacky and stupid and wouldn't do it. Like, that's not your person. So, like, I feel like if you were just like out on this date, then he could know like right away, all right. She's just like a little less fun and maybe not my person. But like you leaned in. I think you should always lean in. I know.

Like I've just, it wouldn't have been my style to be like, oh my God, I was just kidding. Like let's just go to the Dewey Beer Co. You know what I mean? Like it worked out. Like he gave me one place I could work with and then took it from there. I can always work with Starboard. We always can work on. Oh, of course.

All right, well, we are talking about communication today. You guys know that, like, I can't stop talking about this. I talk about it every week. I'm like, are people like, I get it, Rayne. I can't communicate well. No, my, like, number one goal for the year is just being better at, like, literally saying the thing. So something bothers me in a situation with a friend or a romantic partner or we'll

talk about work as well. It is my like number one goal this year to just like literally say the thing. Stop being afraid to do that. I think I've mastered it at work and I'm really good at that. We'll talk about it. but I've had some situations with romantic partners. I just wish I would have said it. And I like, I've never said a thing and really, I've never regretted it.

I've never regretted communicating my feelings. But there's so many situations where I look back and I'm like, I can't forgive myself for not communicating how I felt. And you're so good at it. And so like, listen, this episode is just going to be about Ashley. No, what's so. But Ashley is so phenomenal at this. And I think that it really is such a strength of hers to just like quickly and

articularily be saying like this is bothering me. And listen, I think there's a lot of people that say, like, I'm not good at conflict. I don't think that you are out here being like, I'm good at conflict. Like, I don't think conflict is easy. I don't think it's easy to tell somebody I feel shitty about something. I don't think we should also be picking every conflict. But if something is bothering you, you should say something. And so we'll just talk about that today with romantic partners and friends and coworkers.

You're just good at it. People just, I have no other option. Like, people, I can't not bring it up. Like, I've gotten better at not being combat. in public. Also, you know, today's episode is about conflict and conflict resolution and communication, but for the most part, like I don't want to be angry. I don't want to have a lot of conflict in my life. Like Raina said, not everything has to be a conflict. I believe in really picking your battles. So I don't want this episode to be like, oh, I'm mad all the time. But when I am and I reflect and I realize

something does bother me, I can't not say something. I've gotten so much better at taking a second and not like yelling at somebody or, you know, you know, ruining the night. Like, I remember once I was out with four friends in Atlanta and one of my friends said something that pissed me off and I just brought it up in front of the whole group. And like I was sitting diagonal to her and we fought across the other two girls. Like I couldn't help myself. And today I would go to the restroom, self-talk myself down. She didn't mean it or maybe she did and we'll talk about it later.

I'm not going to ruin everyone's night. So it's never been an issue for me. me to bring it up. I've gotten a little more mature about how I do it. Like, I remember my mom said something that really pissed me off and my family can trigger me more. I think that's normal for everybody. Like, they hurt my feelings quicker. Like, they don't do it a lot. I have a great family and great close friends. But family and close friends, like, it cuts a little deeper. I'm quicker to maybe misinterpret something that they say. And I remember this was a couple years ago. I remember my mom said something that like really pissed me off. And I just went and took a walk and came back and was

able to be like, hey, this upset me. It's pretty rare. her and I don't really fight, but, you know, I'm better at taking a breather than I used to be. But I also think, like, there's just, I do this with you sometimes. Like, I'm just like, hey, you said this thing that bother me. And then you're like, oh, I didn't mean it like that or something. And then it's over. Like, you know, I'm not like coming at you for a fight. Because fights happen because you hold a bunch of stuff in and then you blow up. Literally, you're like a boiling pot. You just boil over and you freak out. So if I tell you every time something bothers me, Like, we're not going to get some huge ball off fight where I'm like, you always do this because, like, I just, I need to squash it early.

I actually, like, never really thought about that. I think that that is honestly what I want to get better about is acknowledging something in the moment is upsetting me because by the time I get to that point where I'm so angry, none of the individual things are really that big of a deal, you know? Each individual thing is like, like, if you, I observed it by itself, it's like, it means nothing. but what I'm doing is I'm taking that. I'm relating it to the last thing. Every single thing is informed by the whole other group of shit you said. And then it becomes this like, you always do this thing. As opposed to like trusting somebody that they're not going to flip out on you, trusting that you can communicate something in a safe space.

And also being able to like stand your ground. Like I just, I let things fester for so long instead of just saying the thing. And I don't think it's fair to say to somebody you always do this and expect somebody like, be a mind reader that you have been upset about stuff. Because how do they know? Yeah, and I mean, when you say you let it fester, you don't mean days. You might mean like weeks or months, because I think sometimes, yeah, like you told me something that you didn't like that I did when we had our big come to Jesus like in July or August and it happened in May. I was like, bitch, could you not have just told me then and we could have squashed it then. I'm like, now I got to go back and remember why I did what I did. You know, like, so I want to go back to what you said of like addressing stuff in the moment because, yeah, some people are great at it. Sometimes I'm great at it. Sometimes I'm not. I personally think that we're not always designed to. react perfectly in the moment if we feel A, attacked, B, insulted in any way, or C, caught off guard or D, all of the above. Like, you can practice all you want, but like somebody catches you

off guard or they come at you in some way. Who in this world is able to react to say the perfect thing? And the main thing I kind of wanted to address that's going to carry throughout this episode is like you sometimes react how you don't actually feel. A lot of times that something doesn't really bother you and then you actually think about it for a couple hours. or even days, and you're like, wait a minute, I actually am mad about this. Or that actually really did insult me or that really wasn't fair. And I think where people trip up is they think they can't go back on their initial reaction, which is like so wrong. And I feel like that's the main topic today is like, you can change your mind. You are, you often will change your mind.

Like, I had a friend one time, a guy friend that called me up, which nothing wrong with that, a phone call. I just was caught off guard. I didn't see it coming. He told me this thing. I was like, yeah, no, totally. I don't care. He was basically asking if I was okay with something. And I was like, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I didn't really think. He asked me a question and I responded and like, we got off the phone and started to sit with me more and more. Like, I actually don't like that. I actually am mad about that. That is actually not okay. And I don't even know when I texted him. It was maybe the next day even. I kind of took the emotion out of it, like let myself simmer down. And I was like, I'm actually not okay with that. And this is why. And

you know, he was like, can we get on a call? I was like, it's cool. We'll be fine. But like, I actually just wanted to be. clear. And I think people think they can't go back once they've reacted. And that is not how life works. That is not how we're built. Like we think about things. We merit it on them. We see the true meaning of why someone might have done what they did. And we change our mind. Yeah, your entitled to change your mind. I mean, the whole theme of like Nedra's episode about boundaries was like just because it wasn't a boundary, doesn't mean it can't be now. And just because in the moment you were caught off guard and you felt like this didn't bother me, I'm trying

to placate the situation. I want to be the cool girl. I don't want to pick a fight. I want to, You know, I see this happen a lot, especially with female friends about guys. One of my, like, really good girlfriends told me that, like, a friend of her said that she was going to go on a date with this guy who my close friend used to date. And she was like, I said it was okay in the moment. And I'm really just like, I'm upset. And I let this, this lady has washed over me for the last couple days. And, like, I can't believe she, like, ambush me with this.

And I said it was okay. And it doesn't feel okay. And now I don't know what it to do. And I was like, it's been two days. Call her and tell her, I changed my mind. Yep. You surprised me. with this information. I was trying to be nice and supportive. I changed my mind. I don't support it.

I know. And this happened with me with a friend and I was at her house and she told me that this guy who I did kind of like had asked her out. And I was like, oh yeah. Cool. And then in my head, I'm like, I don't know how I feel about this, but I'm going to be calm for now. I'm in her home. And then I'm going to see how I feel later. I'll deal with it later. And I walked home and I just got more mad by the step. And when I walked into the house and called her, I knew I wasn't going to start screaming. I knew I wasn't like furious. I didn't feel the anger in my gut.

I always say this. I hold like that's my personality type or whatever is like holding anger in my gut. I knew I wasn't there. I knew I was going to call her and be like, hey, I'm actually really confused on how this happened. And I'm hurt by it. And we've mentioned this before. I just kind of took a little break from her for a minute. She apologized.

We talked it through. I just didn't feel like being around her for a week or two. Yeah. No big deal. We're fine now. We're close friends. But like, you know, took me 10, 50 minutes to walk home. and I was just like, yeah, now I know how I feel.

And I'm kind of pissed. And I want to hear what you have to say because this is not what I think friends do to each other. One of the other things I think is like really important that I actually am really proud of that I do do in these situations is like once I say the thing, like, I will make eye contact with you. Like we're in the tunnel. I'm going through the tunnel with you. And like I think that like once you say the words, you have to commit to actually like having the discussion because it can be very easy for the other person to be like, no, I didn't. do that, no, that's not what this is, and then you just completely back down. And then, like, not only if you picked a fight where, like, there maybe didn't even need to be a fight,

but you thought there needed to be a fight, now you've backed down from your point. Like, you already made it there. You already said the words. You've already, like, created, not a negative situation, but you create a situation where we're going to have an argument about this. Just go through it. Like, I've never, I never feel bad at the end of it. Like, you and I've had, like, the worst fights at the end, I feel like we understand each other more. I'd love you more. I think you're, like, the best person. And I'm like, great, I understand where she was coming from. I'm like, once I'm in it, I will keep going through it. So I guess my advice is like once you say the words, just like stick with it.

Don't back down. Right. And sometimes that means you've got to prepare a little bit. You know, if you set a time to talk, for example, like Raina and I've done before, sometimes we just start fighting. It's in a hotel. It comes out of nowhere. But we've also like, you know, when we had that big talk, we like knew we were coming

here. We would like, it was, I don't know yourself talk, but like when you know a big talk like that's about to happen, you can tell yourself like the other person might say some things I don't want to hear. I might cry, she might cry, we both might cry, this might get really ugly, but I'm going to dig my heels in and say everything I need to say, or else why do we even do this? Okay, so one thing that really helps me, and it might sound like, yeah, duh, but like I think that we should all do these exercises. Like, when I'm like really angry, hurt, upset, like, I have two friends, it's you and like my other best friend, Melanie that I always just like run everything by and I'm just like, am I overreacting? Am I, is this like crazy? And I talk through what I want the response to be.

And you should always have people like ask for help. We talked about this in like our Christmas episode that like you feel better now that you've like asked for help. I like always ask for help. I think I'm like a pretty empathetic person. I think I'm like pretty articulate. But like I can't see outside of myself just like anybody else. And I feel like I have these like two best friends that like Melanie leads with a lot of like empathy. And she really understands what other people.

She tries to diffuse how angry I am. And you are like stand up for yourself and like say the thing. And like I feel like so lucky I have like two best friends. like come from a different place, but also just like give me really healthy, good advice. And I always run it by them. I just think it's important to talk to like an objective third party and be like, am I being crazy here?

And then like if you're going to write something, it really helps me to like write out how I feel. I'm more likely to do this with like friends that I am with like a romantic partner. What is this little doing? It's so funny. What are you trying to figure out where he wants to sit? He's like, do you have a conflict with me? No.

Never. Never. He's only would never. Oh my God. He's being so cute. you guys. I like writing. I find a very therapeutic. I will make like bullet points of how I'm feeling. I try to get it out of my body. And then if it's like a friend, write a text message, but I always send it to somebody to look at it first and just say like, does this sound crazy? Do I sound super angry?

Again, I can't see past myself. So just send it to somebody else and see what they think of it first. If that helps, it helps me. Yeah, I think so. I mean, one thing I think you're so great about and I am a much better about than I used to be is taking the time to respond to something to see how you feel about it. It's something that doesn't need an immediate response because you just, it changes by the day. Like, I had an ex-reach out to me not too long ago with a really long email that brought up a lot for me and it didn't deserve an immediate response. I didn't talk to this person in years. So like, it was not something I needed to respond to at all. So figure that out first. Does this need an immediate response? Probably not. And I wrote out a response like a couple days later and didn't send it. And I felt

totally differently by the by day like five or six like it took me a minute to a kind of also read between the lines and realize how I really felt about what he was saying and I responded in such a way that I was like so proud of like and I ended up telling a couple friends about it and they were like floored with like they were just so proud of me like I told one friend and she was like I'm just so proud of how far we've all come you know in the way that we handle situations like this and the way that this stuff would have fucked us up years prior and I'm like man all I ever want to do is like make my girlfriend's proud. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. But it was such, that was such an example of like, I felt totally differently about this even three days prior.

I mean, you said that. You had a situation with a guy where like, he sent you this email after you guys had broken up. And the first day you were like seen red. Second day, you like wanted to like be emotional about it. Third day you didn't give a fuck. Like it's kind of, you know, you go through some emotions. So like, why not actually like go through them all and figure out how you really feel? And sometimes you just need to do that. Yeah, just process it a little bit. guys. Like, I mean, I appreciate what you said about me being good at it. That's really nice. We all have like, we all have our like primary reactive emotion. For me, it's wanting to like defend myself. And like, yeah, my first response to that guy was this like long, lengthy,

like empathetic, defend myself, you know, try to see his side. Yeah, by the night I was fucking blind, rage, angry. And within like 72 hours, I wrote a one sentence email back. I was just like, good luck, you know? I just, our body like processes things like in, in time. And sometimes it takes me a couple days. And that's fine too. You know? An ex reaching out and take as much time as you want. Yeah. But I mean, I had a friend, a situation with a friend that I was kind of mad at something that she had done this, like maybe like a year ago. And like, I was going to write her a message. And I mean, we, it wasn't like avoiding a phone call. I just, I was like not ready to talk to and so I was just going to write her a message. I showed Kate what I was going to send

to her and Kate was like, Ashley, you can't send that. It was so emotional, but it was not nice. It was like, you did this and you did this. And like, Kate was like, we're going to rewrite this. And like, clearly I walked it back. Like, I knew that wasn't final when I showed it to Kate. I just kind of like went crazy, typing, typing. And she was like, let's work on this. And, you know, that's not how you approach a conflict anyway. You, you, you, you did this. You know what I mean. We know that. I statement's, eye statements, eye statements. But that's my, you and her. I mean, I had a situation that was kind of work-related where I had an email that I was kind of feeling something that had been on my mind for a minute to send to somebody and I wrote it out and I like ran it by you. And this isn't a situation that you're directly involved in, but you can at least look at it and be like, that sounds exactly perfect. That doesn't sound too emotional. Facts only. And, you know, I was basically trying to get to get something and I got what I wanted. And so it's just nice to have somebody that you trust, look up to think is mature and rational and is not going to tell you to do something just because they want to watch the spark. fly and they just want to like live for the drama.

You know, that somebody that's looking out for your best interest, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And just run it by him. Yeah. I'm just, even if you feel like a little crazy or whatever, like, listen, women all live to reach those text messages and emails. So like, do it.

It's a fun exercise. And I realize sometimes that things sound a way that I don't think that they sound because I hear it in my voice, but you hear it in a different voice, you know? And in terms of like how much time it takes to like reach back out, like, I think I've made the mistake of doing the opposite where like, I don't, I don't, just don't say anything for like a really long time. And then it is kind of ridiculous. You haven't said anything.

And my brother and I got into it this summer about something. And we're fine. He's great. But he said to me like, yeah, you go like weeks without mentioning this to me or like months sometimes. And then I feel like you like don't love me. Like I feel like you don't love me enough to just like tell me that you're upset or like mention that you're bothered by something.

And like that's really insulting to me. And he had like a good point. And listen, I think that like it's not fair to bring stuff up that happened months ago like you said because people were like, wait, what? Like, you've had this, like, you've just, like, been keeping score of all the shit that I did. And then, like, you just don't say anything. And the people are like, do they not respect me enough to, like, say something? Like, most of us don't enjoy conflict, but, like, we all fuck up. Everybody fucks up. We're all going to hurt somebody else's feelings. We're all going to say something that insults a person. Like,

people can take it and they want to hear that they have, like, hurt you in a kind way, so they can resolve it and move on. Like, it wouldn't kill me to know that somebody was just mad at me for months. Yeah. I mean, I noticed that. you, like more so at the beginning of the podcast, the beginning of the friendship. Like I think if I, I mean, I think I've become better at like speaking a little bit kinder, not as blunt, not as like something that comes across just kind of bitchy. Honestly, I hope I have been. But I think, you know, we used to just like get into it a little bit more. And then you just like wouldn't talk to me for days. Like you wouldn't talk to me until we like had to talk again about something.

And I obviously did not love it. And I feel like you've done better at at least being like, I think I'm going to, I'd like to actually stop this conversation or something. Like you just, you're better at not just disappearing. Yeah, I do. It's like a problem that I, like, I will avoid something like the plague. And I've done it with my mom before. I've done it with my brother and I've done it with you. And like, it's not a good way to be.

It's personally coming from somebody who has done it a lot in her life. Like it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. I like wake up with this like shitty feeling. I go through the day and I'm like, why do I just feel anxious and stress? Like, if I just said the words, I would have felt better. like avoiding it does not make me feel better, you know? Well, I'm just saying you've improved.

And I think, like, you're quicker to be like, yeah, I get it. And I don't want to have this conversation anymore. And, you know what I mean? Like, instead of just being like, okay and then just like falling off the face of the earth. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think you're way, you've gotten way better at it. Thank you.

Well, you've pushed me. I had to be. You're like, she's such a bitch that I actually have to. I also think that like you have become like kinder and more empathetic. You are easier to deal with than what I've received to. Easier to deal with. I mean, we all deserve to have people in our life that make us feel safe, you know? And like, if you have people in your life that truly you're just like, it doesn't matter.

Whatever I say, will be met with an argument. Whatever I say, will be met with somebody who just like will not listen to me, will not empathize with me. They will never hear my side. It will always be on them. Like, then maybe that's been your life. Yeah. You know, like, I think we all deserve to be with people that make us feel safe. 100%.

I also just think one thing I wanted to talk about today is like just saying the thing that you need to say. Like the other day, Rayne and I had a situation with somebody that we work with. Not Bella, don't worry. Like, more like a different type of tier of a person. And we had had a call with him and didn't ask this thing that like kind of we got the call and we were a little bit bothered by it. Like we were like, wait a minute. Actually, hold on a second.

Like, how did this happen? And then Raina and I were sitting there beating ourselves up because we didn't further ask questions, like literally being like, God, why didn't we ask that? Like I thought it, you thought it, why don't we ask? This isn't a person that we're intimidated by. We could have asked. Not at all. And I go, I'm going to call him.

Like, I was like, fuck it. And you know what? I'm going to call him so he doesn't have time to make up a lie. And I'm going to ambush him on the phone. And this isn't, I'm not saying to ambush people. I'm saying like, this was a thing that there was a clear answer to that he, there was no, like. I mean, he was going to have an answer. He was going to have an answer.

He didn't. He didn't need to prep for it. I say ambush in a joking way. But I was like, I'm going to call him instead of texting him. that's for damn sure, because I want the honest answer and I want to put them on the spot with it. And just do it. Like, just do it.

Like, again, this wasn't a, anything was on the line, but it was a like, why are Rain and I sitting here to boss ass mitches wondering why we didn't ask this thing? I'm going to call this motherfucker to ask. You know what I mean? Like, I just think it's, like, tell me right now. You know, like, that was the kind of thing I was talking about with my friend. Like, I'm just going to fucking call her. You know, like, sometimes I think, you know, this is, if it's a thing that

there is a clear answer and you want it. Pick up the phone and fucking ask. Like, don't beat around the bush. Don't text them. Give them a bunch of opportunities to come up with a story. Like, if it's something, if it's like a non-emotional, I want to answer to this thing, like, don't hesitate. And I think that's in work situations, especially. Like, why is this this way? Like, why ask? Why can't you ask? I know. I'm working scary. I mean, I was talking to you yesterday about like my time at Amazon. It was personally for me, the most toxic work environment I'd ever been in. And I wasn't used to that. I worked a group on before that.

I was, like, so popular there. I was such good friends with everybody. I threw all these parties for the new hires. Like, it was such a comfortable, wonderful environment that I went to Amazon where it was like the worst work environment I've ever been in. And I felt like I was constantly being like accused of things that I didn't do. And it is, it haunts me to this day that I never like went back and revisited those conversations.

And I think like, listen, it's your boss. We're not saying get fired. You know, like be respectful. Take your time. But like, if you have a conversation, you feel that you've been mischaracterized. because, like, most conversations with your boss, you are being ambushed. They know the information. They have spoken to HR.

They know what they're going to say to you. You don't know shit. And you walk out of them and you're like, why didn't I defend myself? Like, go have the conversation again. Because, like, I look back at what I allowed to happen, like, this landslide of issues at Amazon. And if I had just, like, gone back and corrected the first conversation and said, like, you don't get to do this to me.

Like, we probably would have arrived at the conclusion quicker that, like, I don't want to be here. Or the behavior would have stopped, like, one or the other. but like instead I lived in a living hell for a year. And like it was really bad for me emotionally and with all of my friends. Yeah. And I think work stuff is always good to ask somebody that you look up to that may be a little older that may have been in the game for a minute.

I mean, I was my first job like when I worked at a magazine, I was just a brat. I didn't know how to talk to my boss. I was so disrespectful. You know, like I'm not meant to have a boss. I'm meant to be the boss. But like it just wasn't, it wasn't good. And I just was hotheaded and I popped off. you know, she was a total cunt. But like, you know, it's still, I wasn't, I was out of line a lot.

And I got fired. But I, like, she was, it was bad. It was a bad work environment. But don't worry. You guys like this year in 2022, we're going to stray a little bit from some of the dating content. We're going to do work stuff. We're going to do career stuff. So I don't want to go. Rana waited me out. I was like, we're a dating podcast. She was like, I'll wait you out. So we've done a little bit before. But we'll do more of it and they won't just be bonus episodes. So we'll do some more of that this year. But one thing that I think, just a tip because this is what I exercised recently is always take some responsibility just in the way of like if you're asking like why is this like why didn't I get this or why is this

this certain way I think always be like is there something I need to be aware of is there I'm always here to talk like I think sometimes people get a little combative and they don't like even if you know you did nothing wrong I don't think it ever hurts to be like is there something I'm not aware of like that's this thing that's what that's email I sent regarding this work thing it was like something I wasn't really getting in a area of my life that I'd really don't have all the control. And I was like, is there anything you want to talk about with me? You know what I mean? Like, is there anything I can work on? Is there anything I can do? Is there something I'm not aware of? Like, I always think it helps and like it softens people's reactions a

little bit to be like, let me know what I can do to fix this situation. Even if you know, even if you're playing dumb. Yes, even if, yes, exactly. Like I know what I mean? Like maybe there is something. Maybe I did something that no one's telling me. Call me on the phone. I'm here. Let's talk about it. And I think ultimately it's just, we talked about this or earlier, like when you hold stuff in, it just like bubbles up. It's not good for your mental health. You're losing sleep over it. You're stressing over it. Like, I mean, I don't know, Rain, if you feel comfortable. I'd love to have you talk about the situation you had with like someone that you dated where like, you didn't say this thing and it was just kind of coming out in like an angry way and you like finally

got to say it. Well, also just to your point before about how to reframe it. Like, I think that you can say to somebody like, I think we have an opportunity here to have a better relationship. Let's talk about it. Like, just reframe it as an opportunity. I was always like, I think we have an opportunity here for you to. But like, you You can use it sometimes. That is the truth. We do have an opportunity to have a better relationship if I just say this thing to you. I mean, language is important. Like, it's really important. And when you're communicating via email via text, whatever it may be, I mean, the email that I sent recently that, like, I was a little nervous about sending. And, you know, it's something had been

on my mind for a while. Like, what I said to you was, I should be getting this thing and fuck that. You know what I mean? Like, how I really felt was like, not what I wrote. Because you know what I mean? And maybe a man would bust in there and act a little differently. Not how I'm going to go about it until I get pushed to it. Maybe one day. But like my first outreach about this thing was like calm

and let me know what I can do. And let's get this to a better place. I had the experience where somebody wanted me to apologize to another person and I wrote something where I wrote, I'm sorry that you feel that way. And she was like, no, you should say you're sorry. And I said what I meant. I'm not sorry.

I meant what I wrote. I meant I'm sorry that you. you feel that way. I know, I know. It's so funny. No, I think, yeah, and I'll talk about the romantic relationship. People are like, Ashley didn't seem sorry

because I wasn't. Yeah, you read that correctly. Yeah, no. You don't seem like you regret this. Oh, no, I was trying to communicate that accurately. No, no, I don't, yeah. This is a fake apology. Yeah.

I think, okay, romantic relationships are really tough. There's like one of, there's two kinds of conflicts. There's conflicts are like little. I want him to like eat my butt hole. Like, just like, say the thing. I think a lot of stuff with sex, like a lot of the emails we get, like, from women are, we said this in the pockets before.

They're so well written. They're so articulate. And it's well thought out. There's great bullet points. It's like, I just wanted to do X thing. It's like, just read him the thing that you wrote us. Just ask for the things you want. I think that when it becomes a problem in romantic relationships is like,

whether you realize it or not is like acknowledging this thing that is festering inside of you, like, might be the end of the relationship. You know, because there is no like positive outcome here. And no, I mean, I dated somebody that I felt like kind of taken advantage of. And that's a real trigger for me. felt like that in the past. I do not want to feel like somebody is taking advantage of me. And I had like a very hard time articulating it. And I think looking back, I knew once I said it, it probably would be the beginning of the end of the relationship now that I have like some clarity.

But it's, it's a hard thing to say to somebody that you think it's going to embarrass them or you think it's like if somebody's especially like a nice person, you think that like it's going to make them look at you differently. And I'm united particularly a hard time letting this go because obviously we do this for a living. And it's very easy for me to tell other people how to behave. and what's healthy and calm and rational. But when it's you, all that goes out the window. When it's you, you're like, I'm fucking mad. I'm mad, I don't like this.

And so I didn't actually end up saying that. I revisited it after we were over. But it festered with me for months. And it made me feel so shitty to not say the words. And it made me really mad at this person who, like, I'm not really mad at. Like, I'm an adult. I could have said the words any time.

And it just like made me, it diminished how happy. I felt about the relationship. And I don't think anything negative about him. I should have just communicated that. And once I finally did and got it off my chest, it was like being like released. I know. It felt so good.

That's why I asked you. Like, do you feel so much better? Because I could tell you were angry. It was like coming out. Like if you just hold in a thing you're mad about, it's going to start like seeping out of your pores. Not to me. I didn't feel like you were mad.

I don't even have pores. You know, it's just going to come. I'm like, I can't relate. I have perfect. You know, you got the opportunity to say these things. in a way that both parties were on board. Because I think where this goes wrong is people that just like use this as an excuse to keep contacting an X, for example, keep reaching out and being like, I just need a closure.

I need to tell you how I feel. There is a line to this stuff, right? There is a line to be like, this relationship is over and I need to put this to bed. Like, you could do that for the rest of your life, right? Like you could do that for the rest of time. You could be like, I didn't say this thing and this pissed me off. You're going to figure out how to do that on your own. You can't keep contacting the person that did this to you.

Like, you know what I mean? I want to make sure there's like a line here that's, that's rational behavior and that's not. There was this main thing. You never brought it up when you guys ended their relationship. It was eating away at you and you got to say it. And like, there's nothing else. You know what I mean? Like, that's over.

You got, you said what you need to say. You're good. You can look back on it in a positive light. Like, don't take what we're saying to think that you can contact your ex after a year because he did this thing. Also, listen, I mean, it's nice to say to somebody like, I did this thing. I'm mad about this thing and to hear their side of it too. And like what they were experiencing.

and like none of us are mind readers. I think a lot of the times, like, you just don't know what's going on with somebody else and why they're behaving a certain way. And like maybe somebody behaved a certain way because they thought you were perfectly fine with it. People are mind readers. So like it is nice sometimes to like say the thing. I agree with you. Like don't keep contacting somebody.

But if ultimately like all you had was a healthy, nice relationship with somebody and like there's this one thing, then like, yeah, I don't know. You can say it if it makes you feel better. Also somebody doesn't have to respond. You can always say something in a respectful way in an email or a text message. And like, then they can. respond or not. Yeah, yeah, of course. And there are other ways to, like, get an emotion, like, out of your body and be like, well, you know, I guess my point is

this stuff is important when the relationship is still there. And that wasn't necessarily your case, but you didn't want to leave this with ill-failings, but like, is this relationship that's still important in your life. That's when you got to get it out. You know, if it's an ex, an old friend, some of the relationship is over, different story. But like, if it's an active, meaningful relationship in your life, you're going to have to say it. I know. Because it's going to come out.

I always say, like, once I sort of, like, think, once the opinion appears in my brain, it, like, never goes away. It just gets, like, bigger and louder, and it's just, like, you're mad about this, you know? It doesn't ever really go away from me. And if you are somebody that's like, I can't do conflict, I am terrified.

I will never do it. Make a list of how you feel. Make bullet points. Call the person, run through the bullet points. Just like, I've had to do that in the past, too, where I'm just like, I cannot organize this in my brain. This is very stressful. I don't want to forget stuff.

Like, make a list and call somebody. Yeah. And again, if you're a hothead and you feel an immediate anger about something and you know that's how you operate to sleep on it because you might not even care the next day. Take some time. Take a beat. Talk to some friends. Write it down.

Whatever feels healthy. But like my goal for the year is to say stuff and I honestly have to say like I have never felt worse because I said a thing. My life has never gotten worse because I communicated a feeling to another person. Ever, not once, not ever. And I have to remind myself that. And so that's my goal for the year. I just feel better. I know. All you hear people say, I didn't tell them how I feel. I didn't tell her how I feel. It's like, you never hear people say. I told him how I feel and I regret it. You know what I mean? Never. It's just not true. It's not a thing. Yeah. All right. Well, in the spirit of communication and just wanting to bring back one of our classic segments, we thought we would

comb the Fuck My Phone folder and see some of these that we never did. We love these. This is one my favorite things we've done. Yeah. So if you guys are new here, Fuck My Phone is just what it sounds like. It's basically, it could be phone, any type of technology, something that went very wrong. And if you guys are super near here, Ashley does most of the reading. So she's going to read the majority of the emails. Okay. First email. Love the pod. I have an ultimate fuck my phone. One night, mid-pandemic, I was feeling down and really wanted to order pizza. I ordered a large Papa John's pizza and some breadsticks to drown my sorrows and hit order. It was taking forever to get here. And then the delivery girl called me and said she knocked on

the door and the people that answered said, I don't live there anymore. You don't live there anymore, bitch. I accidentally sent the pizza to my ex's house where he now lives with his fiancee, who he cheat on me with. wishes to them. Needless to say, I was mortified and sent him a quick, my bad text, haven't talked to him since. Fuck my life and fuck my phone. At least I was able to laugh hysterically about it with my friends and move on. That is so funny. And like I cannot, we didn't talk about this in the podcast. There have been two times in the last year where I've accidentally sent stuff to my old apartment where I lived to my fiance and I had to like go to our old

neighborhood and show up and knock on the door and ask the girl for my packages. It is wild when apps will fuck you like this. I mean, let's talk about the time you sent me like a Like, what did you say? Giant mac and cheese, chicken fingers. You have said burgers. Like, you've put in the wrong thing and it's come to me. Because I'm over here and I order stuff a lot. And then, yeah, during the, during COVID, I was on the roof with some of my neighbors.

We, all the three of us ordered a bunch of food and it went to you. Ashley was like, had you ordered this much food? It was for three of them. Well, I remember the one day when you, you just left. And like, we had just eaten. Maybe you were in a dark place. And, like, within an hour, a giant vat of mac and cheese and chicken tend showed up. I was like, Rainer, are you good?

That was the day. I went home and I wanted the roof of my neighbors. These were different days. I remember the neighbor food. There was a burger. I gave it to the doorman. These were chicken fingers and it was five. I was five. I was like, is this what you're doing tonight, girl? They looked good too. You came over and got it on my thing. The rooftop food I gave to the doorman. That is so funny. Okay. I was on a first date with a guy from Bumble. We were having a great time. We got into a debate about something.

on a second. I need to interrupt. I'm going to let you finish. No, I just, we only talked about ourselves. We need to go back to that email. The fact that they talk about it's the fact that they opened the door and it's a Papa John's pizza and this delivery girl's like, this is for Jennifer and like this fiance has to be like, she doesn't live here anymore. Also, I feel like the delivery driver did not need to tell you that that's what happened. Like they said you don't live here anymore, but they do. They want to burn. Can I tell you what happened the other day? You know, when they drop it off, they take the picture. Yeah.

So have you ever opened the door before they got to take the picture? And you're in the picture. Like, no. I have my sweet green salad. It comes in the bag and a handle. And I opened the door because I just heard him coming. And I didn't want his old to bark, whatever. I opened the door.

And I grabbed the bag and he was like, hold on, I had to get a picture. So I just had to stand there. Like holding the, you hold next to your face. Like, it made me want to see that photo. I bet it was so ugly. That is so funny. No, I've never done this. Like, you scoop them on the picture.

Someone was like to open the door when they're taking the picture. You know what it is? You order from better delivery apps than I do. I only use the cheap ones. Oh my God. Okay, okay. The next one.

Okay, I was on a first date with a guy from Bumble. We were having a great time. We got into a debate about something. So I was like, let me just Google it to prove I'm right. I opened my safari and a big photo of his face from six years ago. on his college baseball team was pulled up. He definitely saw it. And I scrambled to open up a new tab.

And he never mentioned seeing it. That is crazy. So relatable. Ashley, if I opened up somebody's phone and there was me staring back in me with my old teeth and my old eyebrows, I would be so upset. The guy, what a sweetheart that he didn't bring it up. I couldn't not bring it up. Bring it up immediately. I would just die.

First of all, we're all Googling each other. I think it's hysterical. Somebody saw that I had looked up their LinkedIn and he texted me like, you sneaky bitch. And he said, had a photo of me like looking at his LinkedIn. You were all out here doing it. But that is so funny. I mean, I never really shared the details of this because it was like too close to when it was happening.

But I'm just going to say it. I was going out with this guy and I just went too deep Googling him where I found out that his father was a fireman that died in 9-11, like so heroic. And then he went on to become a firefighter, which is like, that's a really heartwarming story. To go into the date knowing that, it's just too much. Rob was like, you can't continue life like this. You got to stop. So we went on the date and he finally did tell me and I was like, I feel like I'm free and clear. You know what I mean? I feel so good when they finally tell you. I shouldn't have known all that. I felt so stressed you being on the date. I felt tangential

stress. Yeah. Okay. Oh, this one is relatable to me when we get to the emoji. You guys will see why. So she says first I just want to start by thanking you guys. Oh, she's just really nice message. Okay. But there is an unfortunate reason I'm writing this email. I've recently started a new job at an insurance agency. So I've been reaching out to friends, people I know for business. Today I was scrolling through my Facebook Messenger app to brainstorm to be able to reach out to.

I made it back to 2018 and saw a message from a psychotic girl. I had just recently started talking to my now living boyfriend of three years. And this is the girl that he casually dated right before me. One night, she had sent me probably 20 messages saying how they were going to be together. He never liked me. I'm so stupid, his family loves her, etc. You know the type. At the time, I was not a happy camper,

but now three years later, I decided while I was down on my 2018 messages to open it and have a laugh to myself. She probably feels so stupid now, knowing we are still together, and I know how crazy she is. While I was reading, I got distracted by a coworker,

and I sent a fucking thumbs up to the girl. Are you actually joking? I hit on send, but it had been a good minute since it's sent because I wasn't looking at my phone. I'm not sure if it sent her notification or if she saw, but I had her blocked for messages before in that opened back up. So I had to go and re-block her and hope she didn't see and hope I didn't see her out anytime soon. If you guys are new here, my story is that there was a message for my

ex and it was from weeks prior and a whole thing went down and he had wrote to me, I never meant to hurt you or something like that. And I went, I was back in the text referencing something and I just thumbs down that text. And he was like, Ashley, he texted me immediately. Do you want to talk? And I was like, I want to throw my phone in the ocean. Then I want to go after the phone never come out. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to throw my phone overboard. That is so funny.

What is that meme about like when somebody's new girlfriend, like, likes, what is that meme I'm thinking of? Well, it's like, if you're ex's new girlfriend, like accidentally likes the photo of yours and Instagram, you're like, we've all been there, girl. Hope you're doing well. Hope you're doing well. That's what it is. Listen, we've all been there.

I love when she wrote, you know the type. It's just like we all have that person in our mind. Okay. This next one made me laugh so hard. Okay. I just started dating someone new. And for our third date, he asked me to come over on a Saturday night to his place and he would cook me dinner. Side note, we had not hooked up yet. So this is a big night for me. It's probably going to be the night that we did. So it's Saturday afternoon before the date. I'm running errands while simultaneously at texting both him and my best friend. I was texting him about the time I would come over at night. And I was texting my best friend separately about a Halloween party that we were going to the following weekend.

his last message to me was great looking forward to seeing you and I accidentally texted him back I'm going to look like a slut and get really drunk which is the ultimate Halloween text The funniest text he said to a guy I'm going to look like a slut like I feel like I would have you've never hooked up with him He's got on he's got on two dates he's cooking you dinner for your third date this is honestly probably I bet they hooked up that night like I bet that this set the tone third date they hadn't hooked up yet that's exactly exactly what you do. How do you walk it back? You send a message being like, I'm going to be a drunk slut and be like, sorry, that was meant for someone else. Like, get his wheels turning. I wouldn't even, at this point, I wouldn't even like walk it back. I don't even know how you walk it back.

Okay. Let's just say, I was so embarrassed, but luckily he understood and it was meant to be going to someone else and that I was just joking around with her. Yeah, I mean, guys are just like, okay, but like, can you please come over just like a slut? You weren't talking around with your friend. You were going to be serious. That's what we do at Halloween. Yeah. Get drunk and look like slut. He's like, also, can you come over tonight? Yeah. And he's like, where that. That costume. Okay. So we have an update on an email that we did last time we did this segment, I think. And the original email said, this woman wrote in, she said, my divorce had recently been finalized and I had started seeing someone I knew from high school. We went to a mutual friend's wedding together. And after the night, I tried to post a picture on Instagram from the wedding and tried to tag my wedding date and somehow accidentally tagged my ex-husband since he was in my recent tag list, which caused a huge fight, needless to say, fuck my phone. So she followed up and said, hey, it's the girl who tagged your ex-husband in a picture of me and my new man at a wedding accidentally. I know y'all enjoy receipts.

So here's his screenshot of my Instagram post that he then posted on his Facebook calling me out. I was so excited for y'all to read my email update. I'm still with my new man. It's been almost two years and we're very happy. So you guys, this is wild. So her ex-husband took this screenshot that she had tagged him with her new man and shared that on his face. Big Facebook guy and says, for those of you wondering, this is the kind of stuff. My ex-wife randomly tags me in, pictures of her and her new man.

It says she tagged him on the left and on the right. It's the photo. Yes, he took his like notification feed. Yeah. And put it on Facebook. He made a collage of photos. That is unreal. See this shit my ex-wife's doing on Instagram?

That is so funny. I love that he like doubled down on it. He couldn't just let it go. Clearly me to tag you in this. Oh my God. But like maybe like maybe if they had a history where she was a little petty like that, it tracked.

That would be so funny if we were just out of here tagging exes in new ex, in new boyfriend's photos. I feel like that. Can that be 2022 energy? That should be the 2020 energy. That is hysterical. Tag your ex and a picture with your new man.

Like we were like, challenge 2022. We want to like talk about like ways to make your ex jealous. That'll do it. We want to. That's a topic. Yeah, it's on our list. It is?

Jealous. Yeah. It's there. I think you came up with it. No, hold on a second. How to make them jealous. Maybe it's not your ex. It's just how to make guys jealous.

What is me? You are making. Hold on. What is, when did I come up with that? What were we talking about? We were talking about how to make somebody jealous. I don't remember.

Oh, I know what it is. Not your ex. Just somebody jealous. We know somebody that's doing a really bad job. I know. Because we saw someone fuck it up. We've seen what not to do. It was more how to, like, not make your ex look at your social media and think,

damn, I was right. And I dodged a bullet. You know what I mean? It was like how to do the post breakup. Glow up better. Okay. Well, we'll do it. Yeah, that's a great episode.

Let's make tons of episodes in the tank. We're really excited. I hope you're excited about more of us. That's less of everybody else. But always this little. No, we have great stuff coming up this year. I'm, like, super excited I was going through our episode list. I'm very amped.

So it's going to be a great year. We're excited to be here with y'all. Yes, episode 202. And you guys can, of course, find everything. Show tickets, merchandise. We are planning on having a big merchandise sale. So it might be up even today. You guys check that out. Episode list, everything at our website. Girls Got to Eat Podcast.com. You can follow us Instagram at Girls Got to Eat podcast. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is rena.com.com.com slash girls got to eat. And we'll see next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.