Girls Gotta Eat - Less Hating, More Fellating feat. Nicole Byer

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

We started the year with Fuck More Cry Less and while it still applies, we're throwing a new one your way: Less Hating, More Fellating. We're joined by comedian Nicole Byer to chat about dates gone wrong, blowjob and 69 tips, body positivity, haters, and more. We're also discussing the Call Her Daddy controversy, our latest sexual fantasies (including outfit details), updates on Ashley's bush and Rayna's porn watching habits, and listener submissions of the first thing you all are doing out of quarantine. We hope you enjoy! Follow Nicole @NicoleByer and check her website for more info. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Barefoot Wines: Find #BarefootHardSeltzer at your local retailer or get it delivered by your favorite delivery app. HelloFresh: Get $60 off your first month of HelloFresh meals + free shipping on your first box at hellofresh.com/gge60 code GGE60. LiquidIV: Get 25% off at LiquidIV.com with code GGE25 at checkout. Buffy: For $20 off all Buffy bedding, visit buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we have this puritanical view on sex that it's like a thing that you don't talk about? I like talking about it. I like it. My pussy dipped in. Like, why not tell people? Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. Happy Memorial Day. You guys go to the beach.

You got big plans. Big barbecues with a bunch of fucking people. What's up? Can't wait to have a sick party in my apartment for Memorial Day with just me. Oh, my God. It's the unofficial start of summer. I hope you guys are thriving. Also, just obviously, shout out.

anybody that's listening that has ever served in any branch of our U.S. military, we are thinking about you. Always got to remember what Memorial Day is really about. Thank you for reminding me because I literally forget all the time. It's called Memorial Day. It's a Memorial Day. I just thought it's just another damn off work. I get to drink.

No, it's more than that. So thank you guys for your service. If you're listening or are you, you know, thinking of you that have lost somebody in our military. But regardless, summer's here. And it's still a pandemic. So what's up? Week 10. We passed day 69.

Oh my God. We did pass day 69. Jenny Jones got fucked on day 69. She even posted in our Facebook group, so it's not a big secret. But she, who, she had sex on a balcony day 69 of the pandemic because she's an icon. Icon. Okay. Also, balcony sex is the best.

Okay. I had sex right outside of the flat iron building on a balcony in broad daylight. Yes. Hundreds of people saw. me and I don't even care. Actually, yeah, so the balcony, I remember telling you that story because it was like right before I met you. And I, you know, I was thinking about the other day when I was taking a walk is one of, when I first

met you, I went to Israel. One of the first stories I ever told on the podcast is I like, I put that guy on my Instagram story and like a friend of his thought and I like fucked him that night. Some random stranger in Tel Aviv. Oh, yeah. And that was one of the first stories I told. Yeah, you came in strong with the start of this podcast. I mean, I, well, you know, spoiler alert guys.

we're going to talk about call her daddy today and tie it back into our podcast and some of the decisions we've made. We're going to drag them so hard. Oh, my God. We're going to encourage every one of you to go on their Instagrams and just bury them cyberly. I'm just kidding. We're not terrible people like everybody else. We don't roll like that. So we're going to address it today. You guys have asked. A lot of you been asking. And we're going to talk about it, but we're not going to, we're not going to drag them because that's not what we do. And I don't have a reason to. so, but we will get to it. We have an incredible guest coming up.

Nicole Beyer, speaking of fellow female podcasters, she is one. So that will be coming shortly, our interview with her. She is so awesome. And then announcements? Yeah. Merch is taking fulfillment times. We're taking a little bit longer than normal. I don't know if you guys know, but there's a global health crisis all over the world.

So the priority is the safety of the people that work. work in our fulfillment centers and obviously the mail carriers. So stuff's taking a little bit longer than normally. What, normally our stuff ships out in like seven days. Now we're looking at like three to four weeks. So that's all. I mean, if you're sending emails like, where's my T-shirt?

That's why it's just, you know, stuff's taking a little longer than normal. And we said this before in the podcast. I mean, I ordered something from the Gap recently. It took a month. So stuff just taking longer than normal. That's all. Just we're super excited that you guys have been buying the merch like crazy.

But it's just taking a little longer. That's all. Yeah. And live shows, guys, I mean, there's still tickets, Girls' Gotta Eat, Podcast.com, just,

you know, updates will come as we know them. Oh, we, I mean, we are still planning our tour for everything

that we had planned for 2020's, but obviously moved to 2021. And we have really, like, our whole, I mean,

first half of 2021 planned out at this point, and we're just so excited again. So we hope that we can make it all happen. We're coming to all the cities. We're planning on, you know,

Minneapolis again and, and Salt Lake and Phoenix and, and, you know, all the, all the ones that, you guys know, obviously, L.A., Chicago, Boston, D.C., I mean, we're going to do it all.

Some new ones added. I'm coming back to Charleston. Do you think they hired new security guards for me to have sex with? When I had sex with doesn't work there anymore. He moved to Florida, so I'll fuck him at the Florida show. I mean, a Florida security guard, nothing better. I know. Do you think that, listen, I don't want him in the Tampa security guard that I also like to fight it out for me,

but I kind of want them to. I feel like that Tampa Security Guard had a girlfriend low-key. He was serving me girlfriend vibes. When you were humping his leg, he was kind of like, okay. Even when I was rubbing my vagina up and down his entire leg, he was looking at you like, please help me. Like a dog in heat. I can't remember somebody to go on iTunes to be like,

All right now does talk about backing the security guards. And we're like, yeah, duh. It's our brand. What am I going to fuck one of the girls? You made out with the Chicago Security Guard. I mean, the one. That was a long time coming. That was a long con.

I met him the year before in Chicago. Yeah. And I thought he was so cute and he was still there. He kept his job for a whole year just to see me. Oh my God. That's dedication. Okay. I had to tell you something.

I can't wait. This happened Wednesday night. I've been keeping it from you because I wanted to share with you on the podcast. Sunday. I know. I'm sorry. Okay. I shaved my bush.

Really? You bitch. Your own bush. I shaved it and I regret it. Do you? Okay, here's what happened. I was like, I got to take care of this. Like, I wasn't going to wax it.

And I do appreciate you guys like, DMing me and encouraging me and be like, you can do it, girl. Just don't. I already feel bad about it enough. I feel bad about myself enough. I know I can do it. I don't want to pull hair out of my pussy for two hours.

I just don't want to. I'm not going to do it. But so here's what I did. I was like, you know what? I'm going to go old school. I shaved seven years ago. I'll do it again. Lo-key forgotten why I stopped shaving in the first place.

Why did you stop? Because I found waxing and sugaring and then I was like, it's so much better. And the whole thing is that when you shave, like, when you go back to sugar and waxing or waxing, it hurts more. So whether they use that as like a marketing tactic, I think it is true though. But anyway, I hate shaving for numerous reasons, like razor burn, ingrones, just general, like stubble. I hate it.

So, but I was like, I'm going to do it. My bush is out of control. I trimmed it first with some scissors. Okay. Then I used it. I bought an electric women's like shaver on Amazon, Panasonic, like a handheld, like what you'd buzzed somebody's head with. You got like the fancy like Brookstone shaver. I got like an electric shaver from my vagina.

Okay. And that took care like the heavy, like the heavy part of it. And then I finished it off with a razor, just like a billy racer shout out. and when I was done with it, it took so long. When I was done with it, I didn't have shaving cream here, so I used living proof conditioner, whatever, don't at me. So when I was done with it, it was perfect. It was so smooth.

It was like I just got waxed or sugared. I was like, oh my gosh, this is it. I did it. I felt like a new woman. I got my butt crack, like the whole thing. Totally looked like I just came from the sugaring salon for 24 hours. And then the stubble started growing. I'm itchy.

I hate myself. I hate that I did it. I'm like having so many regrets. I just hate fucking shaving. It's really, we're having a very, like, profoundly different, like, experience. Because I shave once a week in the shower. It's like, it takes two seconds and I never think about it again. But I've been meaning to ask you for a really long time, like, why do you only wax?

Like, what happens if you shave? And it's because it gets bumpy and itchy. I literally am not familiar with this. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I could just shave it every day. But, like, it's, I'm just like, I hate this. I hate this so much. Like, after I came out of the shower, I was like,

my God, I took back my bush. Like, I'm shaving from here and out. This is great. This is going to be so great. I never have to worry about making appointments again. And then, I mean, yeah, I could shave it every single day, but I just, I hate it. I hate this stubble. I hate that I'm going to have to go in there daily.

And I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not really a hairy person. No. Like, I'm not even that prone to in grounds. Like, I don't have, like, really coarse dark hair. But I think my hair grows fast. I think on my head, I think my hair grows fast, like, on my legs. Like, I just, and my bush. And it's just like, I'm itchy and uncomfortable.

down there and I regret everything. It does grow back fast. It is the quickest growing hair on my body. It grows back faster than my armpit hair. It's the most sensitive skin. You can't shave it every day. You can't shave it in the direction of the hair every day because it's so painful. I shave it maybe once a week.

Yeah. So what I'm thinking now is I'm going to let it grow a little bit and then I might try to do an at-home wax or an at-home sugar or see if a salon opens because I'm not shaving it anymore and I'm never going back. to that giant bush. So something's got to give, and maybe it is me sitting for two hours

with some wax. You're going to be one of those girls. You're going to cross over. You're going to be one of those savage-ass-goes. I will tell you, two of our friends who are the softest, nicest girls, just I've ever met or just out here

like waxing their pussies. And I never would have picked them out of any. You, I can say it. Merle. Merle, she's just like the softest person. She's so sweet. I can't imagine her just ripping the wax out of her pussy. But Maril, like, in soft,

we don't say that as an insol. clearly. She does have like that. When I say soft, I mean kind. But she does have that like bad bitch side to her. She like loves rap music. She went to an Ivy League school. She just kind of like a bad bitch. She's great. So she low key came out of the woodwork and waxed her own pussy. I can't believe she did it.

Actually like multiple girls. Also my friend John's girlfriend told me that he has, she has been doing it herself. And she also soft, just really kind. Like a really nice person. And she was like, yeah, I've just been like doing it myself. I just take a mirror and I rip it off. And I was like, bitch. What? How? She weighs like 12 pounds.

soaking wet. She's so skinny. She just doesn't look like she'd be that savage. And I was like, wow, you are 10 times more savage than me. Yeah. So I I'm planning on going back to New York in mid-June. And my mom's salon is opening here, I think, like, June 1, and she has an

appointment on like the third or something. And they love me. They're huge fans of the podcast, all the women in her salon. They would love to see her person. I might be able to get it done there. It's interesting to me that salons are like the difference between like New York and other cities, like how much this is felt. Like, I know in Pittsburgh, like, there's just people aren't wearing masks or gloves.

I'm not saying that everybody is. And I don't want to make the giant sweeping generalizations. But like, this is so largely unfelt in other places. So it's like crazy to me that like a salon would ever open up. I can't imagine it in New York. But other cities, it's just like. I mean, it's going to start. Yeah.

Stuff's going to start to open. Also, like, I don't shade any business that is opening the day they're allowed. You know, and taking all the precautions they can because they're, I mean, I just think keep money. hemorrhaging money. Yes, 40 million people on. I didn't mean to shit on Pittsburgh, by the way. It's my favorite place in the world, guys.

It's not that I don't think that they are irresponsible. What I mean is that, like, this is just felt differently in different places. Like, for me to walk into a Nail salon in New York would be unthinkable. In Pittsburgh, I probably would do it, you know, in a few weeks. So every city's different. There just hasn't been outbreaks like that in other cities. Yeah, so that's the vagina update. Did you have something to tell me?

Well, yeah, I was going to tell you something, but also I can say away from the vagina stuff. It really turns me on to, like, shave my whole badge. every time I get out of the shower and like it's just like a clear runway. I'm going to town on it. Okay. I just like, I felt great when I got out. It's amazing.

It was so smooth. I texted this guy, the last guy I slept with and I said, wanted to let you know. I got rid of the bush. You've been along for the whole ride. No, he was like not.

Watch. And he's been along for the ride. You can watch the clip of my Instagram. He has been involved in my bush since the first, since our first date, which was also the first time we slept together. So he was like, congratulations.

Did you make your own sugar? and I was like, it's a sensitive. I like, I didn't want to tell him that I couldn't do it. I was like, it's sensitive. Don't worry. It's a sensitive topic. Don't worry about it. You, I think it's so fun.

Like, we're so different. Like, I love that, like, if I texted somebody to tell them that I just shaved, it would be a sext. And I love that you're just like, he's in on the joke, you know? Like, I love this is somebody you've slept with, but like, it wasn't a sex. Do you check? You text this up. You texted somebody to say, I shaved my vagina, but it wasn't to be like, do you want

pictures of it. Let's do some videos. You were like, just want to talk about the joke. Well, I mean, I obviously hoped that he, like, got turned on thinking about it. He didn't ask for a pick. You didn't send a pick? No, he did not ask for a close-up of my pussy. I've never sent one of those, by the way.

I've never sent, like, a close-up photo of, like, the inside of my vagina. Do people want that? I mean, I'm sure there's, like, a market for everything. But, like, I've never been asked. I've never been asked. Every photo I've sent of, like, we said this on our thank you sex episode, but one of my favorite, like, naked photos is to just, like, have your finger in your underwear and like mime

masturbating. I think that that's like the sexiest photo you can send. But yeah, I've never sent like a close-up shot up the vage to somebody. I don't think the people are wanting that. I don't think, yeah, I don't think they do. But yeah, what I wanted to tell you was that I don't know what's happened to me lately, but I've been masturbating to a ton

of straight porn. Oh. And I don't know where it came from. Like I have never in my life. I've been watching porn for 20 years. Okay. I started early. I have never like last year. I was four.

I have been watching a ton of straight porn and I don't know why, but like it started me thinking about how like our taste in like food changes and our taste in like clothing changes. And so like I guess your sexual tastes can change too. Like I just don't gravitate towards the lesbian porn the way that I used to. Wow.

Straight porn. Right. I was right now. I changed guys. Raina is back in the closet. I like and I like. Because if you watch lesbian porn, you're obviously a lesbian like,

No. You know what I think it is, though? I think that most of my, like, mostly when I masturbate, it's to, like, history, like in my, to, like, you know, like, civil war reenactments. No. The Battle of Gettysburg really gets me off. Oh, my God.

It makes me come harder than aim Lincoln. I did not mean that at all. I just charge on the history channel and just starts touching herself. That's so funny. I only masturbated a documentary series. No, I mean my own sexual history, but like I haven't, obviously, like, we've been quarantined. Like, I haven't been like out fucking. So I feel like I just don't have as much like spank bank.

So now I've had to like watch straight porn because the straight stuff I masturbate to is my own spank bank. Okay. So let me ask you this. I wouldn't, I want to talk about this anyway. I'm surprised we haven't. I lately and like even last night, I have been masturbating to people I've slept with. But like the first time I might see them again. So like kind of I don't even want to.

use the word fantasy because it's not a fantasy it's like what happens if they walk into my apartment like that's not fantasy i mean i guess it is but like kind of what could be oh yeah like more so than what we already did what could be the next time we see each other or something like that i think about it all the time i always masturbate to somebody like i'm opening my door and then somebody just like shus me shuns me up against that wall yeah i know what you're wearing oh my god i know what i'm wearing what are you wearing okay this is so embarrassing outfit for the things you master masturbate too.

No, like, I don't like dress myself like sharing Clueless before I masturbate. I watched Clueless two nights ago. Still my favorite movie. This is too embarrassed. I think this is too, this is too personal. I haven't picked out. Yeah, we crossed the line.

No, I don't believe. I've never pants on in the fantasies. It's always either like a dress with underwear and I'll tell you why or like little around the house shorts like cotton shorts with no underwear. I like the thought that somebody is so turned on by me that they don't even have time to take my underwear off and they just pull it to the side. I don't know why.

It like really turns me on when somebody like fucks me with my underwear on. I can't explain it. It just like when somebody pulls it to the side because they just like didn't have time to take it off. It just like really turns me on. Well, and that's like such a cute like sexy look you do is like the dress.

Like you have to wear underwear with that anyway. So it's like that's how I like like picture you anyway. And that's how when we first met. That was like all you used to wear. like that is kind of like your look and it's like you can wear that around the house and it wouldn't seem like you were getting too dressed up. Like trying too hard. Okay. Yeah. That's your luck when you, when you imagine me having sex with somebody in my hallway. I masturbate to you. You're always wearing that's the look. But yeah, I was thinking about it because I was like, oh, you know, first I was like I want to wear my like free people tank that doesn't, I don't want to wear a bra with. But then I'm like, no, I like the thought of like a shirt coming off and still wearing like my good see-through like fancy expensive bra. You know, like, Like, I really thought this through.

Yeah, you have, you know what I mean when I said clueless? So, you know how she, like, she does the computer thing and she clicks over. That's what I'm, that's what I'm thinking. Like, not that you were wearing like a yellow plaid skirt. No, I know what you meant. Yeah. Yeah, like, I know what you meant. And I watched it the other night.

And don't forget that Cher never trusted mirrors. She always took Polaroids. That really stuck with me. I like did that when I was growing up. Do you? Yeah, it's still like, I watched it the other night. And you know what I got to say is that movie came out. I was like really young.

Yeah. I was maybe like even 11 or 10 or 11, 10, 11, 12. And I didn't get so much of the references. Like, and I've watched it as an adult, but like when I, I didn't get so many of the references. There's a ton of references. Like so when they, when like the references when they got high at the party and then like, I remember the one thing I never understood what it meant because I grew up in a small town was when he was like, Josh was like, do you want to go practice parking somewhere?

And she was like, what's the point everywhere you go has valet. I didn't know what valet was. I didn't even know what that was. She called somebody. She's like, she's such a baldwin. and I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what the bald ones were. No idea who the bald ones were.

There are so many cultural references in there that I was, you're right, I was a child. I was so little. And it goes so quick. Like she, it was so many things to catch in that movie. Like how her dad calls her when she's at the Val party and he's like shared, you know what time it is? And she goes, a watch doesn't really go with his outfit daddy. Like it was just like quick. You have to like catch it.

And all these little things, I forgot. It's, it was just so iconic. It's a great movie. I rewatched it recently too. I don't remember why. been on TV or something. I was on TV. I was on MTV.

Finally, MTV playing something besides ridiculousness. I cannot. Don't get me started. I'll go off on MTV next week. All right. A lot of you guys have been asking. Every time I write that on my Instagram,

I always like write, well, you have. Because like, you have. Yeah. But there are, so we're going to talk to you guys about a controversy today about another podcast called Call Her Daddy. We've never made any comments about them ever.

And I know the people like have compared us to them. It's a totally different show than us. The only similarity is it's two girls talking about sex. but people, there have been like a huge controversy with them in the last couple weeks. If you guys been following along, we'll summarize it for you guys. But I think it's really interesting to talk about women working together and women in our industry and internet culture and bullying people on the internet, things like that and how podcasts make money and all that.

So we just wanted to like unpack it for you guys a little bit. Yeah. I mean, you know, if you thought we were going to like slam them or not, we don't have anything bad to say. I mean, even a lot of you guys were tweeting and saying things to us in like the and things like that of like you guys are so much better. And like we, we appreciate the love. We don't need to be compared. Like there's enough room for all of us in this space. And we, we don't get off on that. You know, of course, we love that you guys love us and you love us more than any other

podcasts, those of you that do. But, you know, it's just not really how we roll. I wasn't even like really, I wasn't definitely was never even like retweeting and anything like that. We just don't, we never want to throw shade. That's just not how we roll. I mean, my feelings on Call Her Daddy and we're very familiar, right? So, like, they came out the same time as us. Like, we are very familiar because they're two women. Rain and I work with Barstool from time to time. I, my personal feelings on it,

just to get it out of the way before we go down this road, I don't listen to the show. I mean, I listen to Dave's episode in full, where he explained what happened. We'll get to that. I watch clips here and there. Like, I know what they're about, but I'm not going to sit here and analyze a show.

I don't listen to. That wouldn't be fair. I wouldn't want someone to do it to us. But I, I get it. I've seen clips. I've seen clips and I've laughed, you know, like, but I also, I don't agree with all the messaging they put out there with for women, but it's also two girls in their 20s and they're talking about sex and had I had a podcast at 24, 25, 26. I think Alex is 24 when she started when they started it. It would probably wouldn't have been much different, you know? Like,

it's just like, they're different. We're 10 years older than them, you know? And it's just kind of like, I, again, I don't agree with all of it. I don't know that so much of it is like great for women, but that's barstool as a whole. You know, like, that's barstool in that we are cool with them. We do stuff with them, but we don't agree with a lot of what they put out. But we can still respect the empire. And, you know, that being said, like, I know that call her daddy can be funny. Again, it's maybe not my taste, but, you know, I know it's changed lives in terms of, like,

their blowjob method. You know, like, I can respect it. I can appreciate it. And above all, I can appreciate that two women talking about, sex is the number one podcast at Barstool Sports. That's fucking crazy. And by the way, in the United States, it is the number one podcast. We know the numbers.

Yes. Barstool Sports, their number one podcast is two girls talking about sex. It's amazing. It's fine. I mean, I have respect. Even if I hated the content, which I'm not saying that I hate all of the content. I probably would hate some. I, again, appreciate and can laugh at other things that they say.

And again, don't know that I would have been much. different at their age. But mad respect for what they've built. I mean, you're just an idiot if you, if you shit on what they've built. You're just stupid. I'm sorry. Like, you can say whatever you want about them, the message that they send about Barstool. They have done it really well. It is really well put together. I mean, listen to our podcast first, obviously. But they've risen to the top and they have a crazy listenership and a crazy fan base. It's just, it's different than ours. It's not the same show. And, you know, when we've been compared to them, it's that is a show about sex. It's sex tips. It's blowjob tips. I mean, again, I co-sign everything that Ashley said. I don't really listen to the show.

Listen to it a couple times. I want to know what else is out there. I listen to all the top 20 podcasts. I think it's important to know what other people are doing. But it's not for me, but I think that, like, it's a different format. Ashley and I have a show where we have guests. We have really serious episodes about sexual assault and finance and things like that. That's not their show. That's not the show they wanted to make. So it's a different show. And mad respect for Barcelona also, I have a lot of fun there when we go on their shows. But yeah, to give you guys a little background of what we're talking about. So these are these two girls, Sophia Franklin and Alexander Cooper,

started this podcast several years ago around the time that we did. Also like about 10 years younger than us. And they sold their show to Barstool. Ashley and I ever... At the very beginning. Like they didn't... 10 episodes in. Four.

Four? Alex said they created four episodes. Like it wasn't a thing yet. It wasn't a girl. It wasn't a brand. It was like two girls with a microphone. I mean, it's like I probably would have done the same thing. But continue.

I absolutely. would have done the same thing. I mean, I totally understand why they made the decisions that they made. So they started the show a couple years ago and they, a couple episodes in, they sold the show to Barstall, which means that Barstall owns the intellectual property rights. That's why you'll hear the word IP thrown around a lot. Barstall owns the name call her daddy. And all the things attached to it, the merchandise, if they tore, things like that. Gluck Luck, 9,000 or whatever. Yeah, they monetized it. All the ads. Basically, Barstall sells the ads, gets the revenue, things like that. Those girls are salaried employees of

Barstool, essentially. So what has happened recently, is that they stopped producing the podcast. No one knew why. There's a lot of he said, she said. And essentially what has happened, the very short story is that they wanted to renegotiate their contracts due to intellectual property rights and finances. There was a lot of disagreements with Barstool and then ultimately between the two girls. And now they have since ended the show together and their friendship. So the show will go on with Alex. I mean, she announced that yesterday. But that's sort of the sum of it. And if you guys know, a lot of you know what happened, but if you want to get the full scoop, it was Dave Bortnoe,

who was the creator, president of Barstool, went on their podcast, explained it in full an episode of Call Her Daddy, which I can't even imagine if somebody did that to us. They wouldn't because we own our show. And then Alex Cooper went on YouTube with another like 30 minute explanation. Her and Dave's story, they line up pretty much. You know, she filled in some holes. And Sophia, I mean, she went on Instagram for a second. But, um, If you want all of this information, which I couldn't get enough of it. I mean, just because it's our industry and like I'm so invested, not in like a, I just was so interested and, uh, intrigued by all of it.

But yeah, it's, it's an episode of call her daddy called Daddy Speaks. And then Alex's YouTube, you'll get all the full story from the two main sources. If you guys want all the details, but I mean, Raina just kind of explained in a very short form. I think the contract, a lot of the dispute was about money. And I've seen a lot of people call them greedy on the internet. And I just, I do want to talk about it a little bit. The way the podcasts make money is the same way radio shows or television or magazines, we sell ads. That's how Ashley and I make our money.

That's how we're able to release the show for free. That is how we make a salary. The way that those girls show worked is that they were salaried employees of Barstall, and they got a percentage of certain things. I've heard this term thrown around about them a lot that they were each making $500,000 and they're so greedy. And I do want to say that is a huge amount of money, but that dollar amount should be based on the way that the show is performing.

And the way that you sell ads is based on the number of listeners. It's a very, it's hard and fast data. You can't make it up. You can't fudge it. The numbers exist. And so you sell ads based on that number. So $500,000 is a lot of money. But I would say that show is worth $12 million.

I'm just making that up. But it's worth millions of dollars. So to come out and call these girls greedy, it's like, I don't know if they're greedy or not at their core. But I think that, like, you should be compensated for a, show that you build compensated by the numbers. It's just hard with black and white numbers. Yes. And you've been hearing a lot of like, but they'd be nothing without Barstall. Barstall built them. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, of course. Maybe they would have achieved literally no success without Barstall or maybe they would have. Who knows? But regardless, there's still the talent. They should be compensated as such. And anybody who is like, that's crazy. They're greedy. They're ungrateful.

They should be happy. Like, I'm not saying you're dumb, but let's use a little more critical thinking here. Like if you were hosting a podcast that was making millions and millions of dollars, I really hope you would hope you were being compensated the right way. And then it was like, I just, I feel for these girls. They were young. But even age being aside, it's still a newer medium.

Like Rain and I didn't know how much was to be made in podcasting until we got into it. And if someone would have told us we were underpaid, we would have gone full FBI mode to figure that shit out until it's fixed. Like, we've had a few people here and there be like, you should be making this, you should be doing this. And we're like, what? Like, we go in and we figure this out. Like, it is our number one thing to be. And again, it's very different because we own our show.

We're completely independent. I mean, we have people that do things for us and sell our ads and whatnot, but it's a different setup. But yeah, those girls should have gone and renegotiated. And again, they signed a contract. I'm not even saying they signed a shitty contract. But, and I, again, I think they were a little shady about some things that they did. But ultimately, they got to the point on the rooftop,

the rooftop deal where they were going to get a great salary and get their intellectual property, their IP back. And that was when it all blew up. And Alex wanted that because it was an insane deal that no one gets and Sophia did it. And she explained it on the YouTube and like I felt so many emotions when she explained how they were, they left the meeting and they were walking.

And she was realizing that her business partner and her best friend didn't want the same thing as her. And it like my heart, I felt it like in my, soul. I did too. Thinking about me and you. I think that, you know, the confusion for me until she cleared it up yesterday was like,

what happened to these two girls? I understood the issue with Barstool and the money. And it's like, by the way, like you said negotiating. So I just want to like just wrap that up. Like if your show grows every quarter, you should renegotiate all the time. And it's like if your original deal was $500,000 and the show grew up by 10 times, then you deserve to read. They had that built in though.

Yeah. They had bonuses based on downloads. Right. But I'm just saying they, they're not great. You deserve to be compensated as the show grows. So I hate this narrative that they're greeted. It's fucking stupid, okay? But you know, you and I'm so proud of our business relationship because like I feel like

we are so good at even when we argue, like we show up as a united front. And I'm really proud of that. And I can't really think of a lot of situations where I've felt like I really disagreed with you wholly at your core, like for what I saw as the vision of our partnership and our show. I've never been in a situation like that with you where I've like walked out. out and like your vision for something was not my vision and it would crush me because like I care about this show more than anything. I care about this audience more than anything. It's bigger than us.

It's incredible this community of people. Like if you just saw it so differently than me, it would crush me. And so that is what happened between those two girls is that, you know, then there was a difference between, you know, who wanted what and it sort of spiraled from there. I didn't really understand like what the motive was. I was like, oh, one of them wants to sell it. The other one doesn't. And it was that, it was a lot deeper and messier than that. I mean, a huge part of this was Sophia's boyfriend. So a huge part of this was Suitman, if you guys been following along. I mean, it's probably the biggest part of it is that this guy came along and he was the one to kind of put the idea in their heads that they needed more money, that they might need to move networks. Like,

he allegedly kind of started this whole thing. And I do think he had a lot to do with it. And this was Sophia's boyfriend and probably someone she loved and trusted and probably thought was smarter than her and older than her and had more experience in the industry. And he was a large part of it. And so, you know, also they talk about this wondering deal. Like, if one I wonder I really thought they were going to take a show, take the talent from a show that Barstall owned and just name it something different and just get away with it. I still don't understand that part of it. It's not a thing that happens. That's not a thing that happens.

You don't just take a show that someone owns and is like, okay, we're going to take the show, call it something different and we're going to and give you a million dollars. Everything's going to be cool. I still actually can't get past that part of it. But everybody's kind of tying it into this guy, into Sophia's boyfriend and how he came in and how he came in and like ruffled everything up and then like kind of took her. out of wanting the same things that Alex wanted. And to me, though, like when I heard Alex talk about their relationship, I think there were cracks in the foundation of their business relationship before that. The thing about her being upset that Alex did more work and she talked about and she showed

that she edited the show and someone would go into medians and someone would say who edited the show and Sophia would say, we do. Raina cannot tell people enough that I edit the show. Like, Ray and I do the same amount of work. Everything split down the middle. We have to rain and handles all the merch. Like she enters the website. I mean, I don't need to run through our responsibilities.

But like it is 50-50 and what we do. And obviously we make 50-50. But I do it at the show. It takes a long fucking time. When Alex talked about how long it took, I felt that in my soul. She said seven to 20 hours. I was like, bitch. Like she's smart.

She can edit that show three hours down to one. It's incredible what they've been able to do. But they had issues before this man came along. And we, when I heard it, it was like this immediate red flag of like that's so crazy. for someone to say, I feel uncomfortable that you show that you're doing this part of our business. It makes me look like I'm not doing as much work. That is a huge red flag.

I just think when I think about there, I could be totally wrong. This is my hypothesis. We don't know these girls. We're not friends with these girls. We know nothing about them. So I don't know this. My hypothesis is that she probably felt insecure

that she was the number two and that she was the sidekick. Alex does have more Instagram followers. She is really the face of the show. It is two girls. But Alex clearly is. like the front runner of the show. And I think Sophia probably always felt like second place. And I think this guy

got in there and just like really extrapolated that from her and was like everyone sees you as number two. Everyone sees you as the sidekick the backup. You're not the creator of this. And like I think he got in her head and was like your friend doesn't have your best interest because she wouldn't make you feel like that if this was the case. That's my only feeling

about it. Otherwise I do think they would have been more aligned. I don't know anything about these girls. That's just my hypothesis. If all the comments in the internet were about how you were so much better than me. I think it'd be pretty easy for somebody that I love to get in my head and be like, look what Ashley's doing. And then I get why she got so combative. And she felt like Alex kept saying yes to these deals. And she was like, then she found out that Alex had like renegotiated her contract without her. I just, I think that this like guy got in her head and was like, you need to

stand on principle. And as she was explaining what happened, I think you and I had the same feeling, which was like, Alex realized like, oh, you're never going to let me make this deal. Her explaining those conversations of these like two hour phone conversations because they just kept getting so heated was like, I think we've all been there with a romantic partner. You and I have never experienced anything like that. Again, like there's nothing I feel luckier for in our business and Raina and Mize's business relationship because like it's the thing I feel lucky for. I don't use the word lucky a lot.

I think we work really hard and we're smart and we've done this all in our own from ground zero. But like no amount of communication skills, you know, maturity, whatever can predict that you and your business partner will always agree on an. ultimate goal. And thank God that you guys, you don't, like, it is rare. It's, Rayne and I have agreed on every single big decision. There was a point, I just feel like you guys might want to know a little behind the scene stuff. There was a point where we were going to sign with an ad network and they were going to take 50%, which is high. It's probably the highest,

but it's not, not normal. And we were going to sign with them. This is very early on. We felt like they were going to grow our show. That was our ultimate goal. We weren't huge yet. And we were going to do it. We were so close to pulling the trigger. And Raina goes, let me just like talk to this guy. We knew this guy from this other. He's very hot. So yeah. Yes. And I kind of was like, Rana, come on. Like we're almost there. Let's just do this thing. We made a decision. And she was like, let me just ask Bob. And I was like, fine, whatever. I'll let her enter. I'll humor her. And he said, do not do it. That's crazy. Don't let somebody take 50%. Whatever you do, don't do it. I'll sell the show. And bottom line, it led to, well, first it was trusting a man. So kind of the

difference of what Suitman did for Call Her Daddy, but like led us into where we are now with an AdWant Network, which is really arguably one of the best parts of our entire business. And it was all because in the 11th hour of making a huge decision for our brand that would have probably been a two-year contract, Raina was like, let me rethink this. And like, I will forever be grateful to her. And like, we just have agreed on every single big decision. And this isn't to say that like, we're better than call her daddy. We're just lucky. Like, we just. We're just lucky. Like we just, we vetted each other early on, I think. But like, you know, we are older.

We're 10 years older than them. But like I just felt so much. I feel for these women because we have been able to figure this out. I mean, I appreciate all the things you said. And I'm really lucky I work with a person that's smart that does their research. And the decisions we've made are easy to make because like before we make a decision, like we talk to like five or six ad networks before we sign. By the way, we own our show.

We completely outright own our show. We just somebody sells ads for us. but we do a lot of work and a lot of research, and we also have just been in the industry longer. We have more friends in the industry, and we know more people to do this, and we ask around, and yeah, we're really lucky,

but I think that, like, we have a very similar vision for the show, and I've never felt like, this is your show, and this is what you do, and I'm just sort of like a long for the ride, and I would feel terrible if that was the case, and I would never take anything away from you and say, like, I don't know if Sophia,

she's not like a terrible person, but, like, to try to act as though you both do something as a little odd, and I don't think you're aligned. So I can see how easy it is for this guy to come in there and just sort of like make these cracks. And I feel for Alexander because you're like, okay, this girl has now like an agency behind her and lawyers and this boyfriend.

And it's my show. I created it. Now I have to make these terrible decisions on my own. And I really felt for her when she was talking about how she like made the decision. I mean, she signed with Barstool. She's starting the show again without her best friend. And I think this sort of like speaks to like can women work together? and like, yes, obviously,

Ashley and I think women can work together, but you have to make a lot of decisions to get down that path. You know, I think the narratives, women can't work together. Women are more emotional. They get more upset. Women are emotional.

But Ashley and I make decisions so that we can work together. I've never been more honest with another person and that doesn't always lead to the easiest conversations, but we are really honest with each other. And, you know, I found out that they were like negotiating their contract separately. And I remember, like, I was walking on the street

talking to you about this. Like, it blows my mind that they had like separate contract negotiations. I cannot fathom it. I cannot fathom making a decision about our business without you. It just, it wouldn't happen. And so like, yes, they weren't aligned from day one. There's no, Ashley has, I barely take a phone call without Ashley. I know what Raina makes outside of me. Like, we have a high business manager that handles our other stuff. And I said, just put us on the same email. I know what this bitch is making. Like, there's the transparency between us. And again, I'm not saying that right or wrong. Like people, it doesn't, that's, that's,

works for us. I think transparency is super duper important. And I also can see if what Alex was saying was the truth, why she felt she couldn't be transparent about the raise. And I think she also felt regret about that. Whatever. Um, clearly for team Alex over here. Uh, but this women can't work together. Well, come on. Plenty of women work together. Plenty of men can't work together. Plenty of men work together. Women and men work together. It's just like, I hate this narrative. Like, we see guys break up all the time. When we see women thrive, we see women break up. Like, it just, it's, I just hate the whole thing. But What I think we do want to also address is like the bullying that ensued, you know, all the, you know, we definitely saw other podcasts take this moment to like shit on call her daddy to make themselves look better. And it's just like that's when we all got to be a little bit better as women.

I first, I'll talk about this forever. They put out the podcast episode about what was happening. Dave Portnoy did, which I thought was well done and probably pretty honest. and I looked at by me immediately went to their Instagram comments and the stuff that people were writing to Sophia was so sick. It is the most horrible example of cyberbulling I have ever seen. The people were leaving snakes all over her Instagram telling her she was greedy, telling her that she's number two, never liked you anyways.

Alex is better off without you. You know nothing about these people. Like to descend upon these total strangers, they're people. These are girls, by the way, they have lost their best friend. They have lost their business. They've lost literally everything. And the first thing you think to do is go cyber bully them publicly. It is sick.

It's sick. And, you know, that's a barstool fan base. It always has been. You know, so why would it be any different for the girl podcast over there? But come on. Like, even some of the things like people were saying in support of us, but like while also throwing them under the bus. Like, I love that you guys were like, girls got to eat would never do this.

But like, I love that. I appreciate that. that you see us for who we are. But it still is like, you never know, for one. And also, like, we just don't need to trash other women to make ourselves look better. We just don't. It's like the whole thing is that we stand for women and we want women to succeed. Like, we want to collaborate with other women that do what we do.

We especially want to collaborate with other women that are doing what we're doing and doing it better. That's the only way you get ahead is to be around people that are smarter and better than you. You like, it just, we saw a lot of things that we were just like, man, this is, God, this is not what we, how we roll. It's just, it's not something I would ever do. And I think that for years I've seen people compare us to them and say shitty things. And I just don't, I'm never going to lean into it. We are never going to lean into it. It's just not how we are.

And honestly, to like leave, I've seen a lot of other podcasters who don't know these girls, know nothing about the situation, making some pretty grandiose statements on their Instagram about greed. I saw somebody say, like, you know, they're so greedy, $500,000. thousand dollars wasn't enough for these girls. It's like, do you know anything about their business model? Do you have any idea how much money they bring in? Like, yeah. Do you have, and maybe the show is worth $12. Maybe your show is worth $12 and you couldn't possibly understand what it was like to make that type of money. But like all these people who know nothing about the situation, just formulating these opinions and then putting them out into the world. Those people have followers. And then like, you don't make yourself look good by being like that.

And no one's proud of you. No one thinks that you look big or a classy. Ashley and aren't out here like mocking them. I just, it's gross to be that kind of person. It's, yeah. I mean, it's, that's a kind of person you are fine, but you know, as you're not a champion for women. And, you know, I think we saw a lot of everybody weighed in on this. And, you know, somebody like Kate Kennedy did it brilliantly. She was unbiased. She was explaining it. She had a whole episode on it, explaining it from the business standpoint and from the podcasting standpoint. And even somebody like Lindsey Metzler talked about it and was like, I hope they work it out. We need more women doing this. You know, like, it's like,

that's the attitude. And so my overarching message is just like, let's all support each the best content's going to rise to the top. If you're not the best, you're not going to be the best. But you don't need to bring other people down to make yourself look good. Would Beyonce do it? No. Would Beyonce ever shit on another artist? She doesn't need to.

I just want to surround myself with people that are doing better at what I do themselves. And I can learn from them. And you and I have formulated amazing friendships with people through that. Our show has grown. And I am not threatened by other people's success. And Nikki Glazer was like such an inspiration for me when she did our show, and she is arguably so much larger than us, and she was at the time, and she's a pretty famous female comedian.

She promoted us so heavily, and she was on her Instagram story talking about, I love these girls. They're so great. She went on a radio show. She talked about us, and I was really inspired by her because I felt like this person is promoting us, and she knows that just because we are being promoted doesn't make her less famous, doesn't make her less good at what she does. And I've just, I love people that are able to do that.

There's room for literally everybody. No one else does what me and Ashley do. I'm really proud of it. I think that our show is really unique and the message we put out is unique. And anybody else in the world is welcome to take a crack at a sex and dating podcast. You try. And listen, I hope that you grow and you're successful and that you're great. But like I don't need to like shit on other people to make my show better.

I did not have great guests on my show just to make my show. You know, I just, it's small and it's petty. And listen, Ray and I, we think highly of each other. We are confident and we love what we build. but this isn't just this, this message isn't to jerk each other off. It's to spread the message to anyone that may be listening, especially our younger listeners,

we love you guys so much. You always tell us, you like look up to us. And these are lessons that I've had to learn over time. I was probably a little more competitive, a little more petty in my 20s. But like the message we've come to learn is like, there is enough to go around and do well

and to rise above all the bullshit. I mean, it's, that's what's sustainable. It's just ask yourself what Beyonce would do at all times. And like, in conclusion, and I would like to say, Alex Cooper, we will have you on the show to talk about

low jobs and friendship breakups whenever you want. So head us up. I like your closing statements. Closing statements for me. I don't know. I feel bad for these girls and I feel bad for their audience. I feel bad for what happened to the show. It would break my heart if you and I ever lost our show or each other.

And I'm happy to talk about it and tell people more about how podcasting works. But, you know, that's it. I respect and I understand. what Alex did. And, you know, I think it's great. She's restarting her podcast. And, you know, I hope that I would have the strength to, like, persevere and do that too. Yep. But we are proud of this audience and this show. It's different than call her daddy. We love you. Yeah. And it's, this is, at the end of the day, I call this a dating and relationship podcast. And sex is part of that. We have had 10 episodes

about sex exclusively. We talk about sex because it's part of dating. But like, this isn't two girls talking about sex. Like, that was never our goal. So, I mean, compares to whoever you want. But I think that we stand alone, and I think that every podcast has something unique about it. There's no need to, like, pit podcasts and women and this and that against each other. Because there's a lot of hours in the day. You can listen to more than one podcast. Yeah. I mean, don't, but you can't start ours again from the beginning.

Remember, Gigi snack is for life. I love you guys. That's it. I'm excited we talked about it. All right, guys. We have a super special guest in the virtual house studio with us today. She is a jack of many trades. She is a comedian, an actress, a writer, a television host.

You have seen her on many things. Girl Code 30 Rock S&L. She's the star of MTV's loosely exactly Nicole. She hosts Nailed it on Netflix. She has five podcasts, including Why Won't You Date Me? And best friends. And she is also best friends with a former guest of ours with Tay O'Lane. Welcome to the House Virtual Studio, Nicole Byer.

Thank you. although I do got to say I've never been on SNL. What? That comes up. We'll cut it. Don't want to leave it like this. I think, do you know that says it when you like the rules?

No, that's so weird. I didn't know that. I mean, if I was on, news to me. And the internet thinks you happen. So we're going to go with it.

She hosted SNL. I hosted SNL. I was a cast number for 37 years for most of the run of the show, you know, dip in, you look amazing. Thank you. She's like Will Farrell.

We were the same cast. Same cast. It was great. He's so great. I love Will. I was reading this. I was like, what did she do on SNL?

And I thought maybe you were like a writer. No. Well, we are really excited to have you and you clearly do so much and you're so funny and you just your podcast is great. Thank you. Well, we're like a dating podcast, dating relationships and sex and you have a podcast.

Why Won't You Date Me? Do you feel like you've learned why you're single or why people aren't dating you, if that's the main question? I mean, I've been doing the podcast, I think, for about two years. No, I don't know the answer. I don't think there is like an actual answer other than like, work on yourself and stop looking and level kind.

I don't fucking know. Yeah. So you started the podcast as like, so for people that don't that haven't heard the show, you have friends come on and just diagnose you as to why you're single. Yeah. So it started off like the first couple episodes are people I've like hooked up with and I asked them why they won't date me. And then, you know, after two years, I mean, my body bag count ain't that big. So then a lot of people stopped agreeing to do it. So then I started interviewing like comics and friends and people I admire. But yeah, it's it's super fine. It's people say it's explicit. But I'm like, is sex really explicit? Like why? Why do we have this puritanical view on sex that it's. It's like a thing that you don't talk about. I like talking about it.

I like getting my pussy dipped in. Like, why not tell people? Yeah. Did you grow up in a house where people were like talking about sex? Was it like a sex positive environment? I don't know if it was sex positive, but like my mom didn't like shy away from it. She, it wasn't like my mom was like, oh, daddy railed me last night. I'm like, mom.

It was just like, if I had a question, she would answer it in an honest way. I would literally die I would be like you guys are getting back together that's so exciting do you really want somebody do you think somebody would fulfill your life are you pretty good? I mean I fulfill my life

I love what I do I love who I am I just think a partner would be like an added bonus and I just have you know standards what kind of guys do you like do you have any sort of type I mean, I would say I don't have a type, but if you look at everyone I've ever dated,

it's a tall, thin, white man that I could break with my leg, butt chief. Really? Yeah, I mean, that's what goes for me, and then that's what I end up dating. And then, you know, I come from an improv world. And the boys of improv are very pale and love a cargo short. So those are the people, I guess, I attract. Yeah.

Nothing gets me horned up like a cargo short and some pale skin. Right. And then they're like, can you hold this? I'm like, but you have cargo pockets. You hold this. Ray and I went through the tall, skinny white guy phase last summer together. And I mean, I don't know. I found like the sex like a little on physically uncomfortable.

Like I feel like his hip bones were like digging into my thighs. That happens. But I got a lot of cushions. I don't feel that shit. How are you shopping for day? How are you finding guys? Right now, I'm not. I don't think risking my life for dick right now is for me.

I don't see it for myself. And then also like quarantine dating seems awful. Yeah, we haven't done. So you're going to like Zoom with somebody and then maybe they don't show up and then you're sitting at home all dressed up being like, this person literally had nothing to do and they didn't even want to hang out with me. This seems so sad. And then like a social distancing date, I'm like, I'm just, I fuck on the first date a lot of the time.

So if I can't fuck, then I'm like, why am I, I don't, to talk to a man with no fucking, like, why would I ever? No, we're not out here doing it. I'm not out of here meeting a guy. I mean, let's do a Zoom. But what, I mean, before this, what was your, are you like a meat in the wild or do you do the apps or? A little, it's like a mixed bag, meat in the wild. But mostly it's apps. just because, like, I run in the same circles with the same people.

And then it's just like, you go to a bar. I feel like people in L.A. aren't, like, the hookup culture here, I think, is like not the way it was in New York. And like, I lived in New York for eight years. And you could go to a bar, make a bunch of new friends. The bar closes down. They're like, stay in, have a couple extra drinks. You're like, okay. You're like, with all my new friends, what a train.

And then you go home with one of your new friends. So it was just easier. I feel like in L.A., people are like, I have to go hiking. And it's like 8 p.m. And you're like, okay, all right. So, like, who's left of this bar at the end of the night? You know? The uggos.

The shitty people. Yeah, I see you. I mean. I like L.A. now. Actually, I love it. I wanted to spend more time there this year. But the first time I went, I was very confused. I was like, oh, it's like 11.

We're going home. I'm so, I don't get it. Like, I don't, why are we shutting down? People seem like really healthy. It was just like kind of a shock. You're totally right. That's what happens in New York. You just all shut it down together and then you just like stumble home with somebody.

Mm-hmm. Do you, Do you like, would you date a fan? The DM slide. Is it just because whether they're hot or not? That's what I say. Yeah, I mean, it truly depends on like, what is the message say? Or do I find them attractive?

Are they gay? Because gay men will slide into the DMs and be like, oh, I just want to take you out. And then like, if I answer because they're good looking or like, I'm like, oh, there's something about them. I like this, the wording they chose or whatever. I'm like, oh, okay, is this a date date? or like, what date are you trying to take? Oh, I'm gay.

Oh, okay. Then get the fuck up out of here. I don't need no new friends. He's networking. Yeah, I don't need it. Did you get tricked into dates with gay guys? This has really happened. Not like on a date date, but I did go home with a gay man who, my God.

I talk about it on my podcast, but I was in Tacoma, Washington. And on stage, I said something. I told a story about like, oh no, I talked about how the hotel had left me a little mini vibrator and then like little mini vodkas. And I was like, this hotel cares about people and like, and they're very good or whatever. And then I was talking about something else. And this guy in the audience heckled and was just like, I don't, I can't remember what he said, but it was something akin to like, what if I use a vibrator on you tonight?

And I was like, are you serious? What did you look like? And I like, I looked in the crowd. And I was like, oh, he's pretty cute. And I was like, yeah, here's my email address. I gave him my real email address and he emailed me and he was like, come to this bar. They're doing karaoke. And I was like, no, come to the hotel bar and we can get it done.

And he was like, okay. Then he showed up. He had like gray contacts. And I was like, what are you, a time traveler from like 2005? What is this? Gray contacts. Yes. Didn't even know that existed.

Well, now you do. You get any color you want. And we were like talking at the bar and I was like, something's weird about this dude. I was like, do you want to just like go to my room? He said, okay. So we get to my room. And we're like making out and it's fine. It's not mind blowing.

It's like not even good. It's fine. And he was like, where's that vibrator? And I was like, here. And I gave him the vibrating. He was like, should we put it in a condom? Which should have been red flag number one. I was like, no.

No, wait. What? Well, gay men, you put a vibrator in a condom to go right up your butt. Okay. I didn't know that. So why? Is it case someone else has used it or something? No, if you didn't dish good enough.

you don't get shit on the vibe. So you don't get something on the vibrator. Okay. Okay. Got it. Yeah. And I was like, we don't need to use a condom for the vibe. It's my personal vibrator. And also it's like a little like clit rocket. It's a little fingy one. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, okay. And then I was like, all right. He's like, I want to go down in you.

And I was like, great. Then get it done. And then he was down there and he goes, I can't do this. And I was like, oh, oh, oh. And then I was like on the phone with my friend. I was like, I can't believe this. I like truly stuck my. own finger in my pussy to be like, does it stink? And it didn't. It's not like a pussy. And then my friend was like, what's his name from his email? What's his name? So I found his name. She was like, let's look at his Instagram. We looked at his Instagram. The first picture of him

was at a gay pride parade. And then like it was just like a lot of food and a lot of like berets and like neckerchiefs. And I was like, okay, uh, this man is very, very gay. I am shook by this. How did you end the sexual experience? Okay, he like went down and said, I can't do this. That happened in Sex and City. Remember the two, the gay couple wanted to have a threesome with Samantha? They went down there and said literally, I can't do this. I think if you hear

those words when someone's hovering over your pussy, that's, you know what it means. Yeah. And how it ended was, I said, okay, cool. You got to go. And then he started putting on his shoes. Also, I'm like fully naked. He's fully clothed. The only thing I come off of him

wear his shoes. And he was putting his shoes on. I was like, you can do that outside the door. And he was like, oh, I said, yeah, goodbye. Yeah, if I heard the words, I can't do this in relation to my naked body, I don't care where you get dressed. It's not going to be near me. Get the fuck out of here. Throw his boots out. His loafers into the hallway. And you love, do you love blow jobs or you're just good at them or both? I like giving blow jobs. Um, for you. I know. I know. A lot of people don't like it. But there's so many. I agree. I mean, I like it. I like looking up at someone, looking at their face and knowing that I'm giving them immense pleasure. I like, I really find it so hot. And then Amber Rose taught me, Fun Flex. I've met Amber Rose twice. But she told me that when you're like on your knees blowing someone, prop one leg up. So you're like kind of like not a lunge. Like you're kneeling on one knee. And then just fucking like flick your clip.

while you're sucking them off. And then they're like, not only are you pleasuring me, but you're pleasuring you, that is hot. And then usually, like, after you do that for like a minute, they're like, stop, stop, stop.

And you're like, yes, I made you almost come. I am so turned on. It's so crazy. We were going to ask you for any tips and I think you just gave the best. I think it's one of the best tips I've ever gotten. I mean,

what is more like powerful than like looking up a man and that look on their face when you are blowing them that's just like you are their whole world. The calm they're about to put in your head is their whole world. I love it. I feel very fucking powerful. Then I can stop any time I want. Like I hold the power.

It's exhilarating. I love it. I just think giving somebody pleasure like control. Yes, I love but like it turns me on to turn somebody else on. Like knowing that like something I'm doing is getting you this hard like really and I love the idea of like masturbating while you

do it and like what a great visual for a man and I think the only thing comes close is like 60-9ing but like I can't do that I can't it's just too much work you think 69ing's too much work oh my god I just want to like focus on one thing are you are you team 69 I'm team 69 because you're focusing on sucking that dick and then someone else is eating you out and that's nice yeah what do you what I just haven't done it in so long what what do what positioning is preferable do you move around I prefer being on top I've never done it where I'm on the bottom because you just have a guy like

has like yeah like yeah I would degrading well it just feels like how would I breathe I don't get the man to lift his body up yeah but there's like balls on your forehead too of a man's on top it's like a lot to do with a man up there

I don't want a man to mount me I just show Tom Segorah in his new comedy specials called Ballhog, and he talks a lot about 69 and him being on top. And it's like, what's on my forehead? That's insane. I would never. You're not going to kill me this way. Someone just message me that today is day 69 of quarantine,

which again, everybody started quarantine different times, depending on where you are. But I think we are around there. So, guys, if you have somebody today would be the day. well now, you know, Yeah, 69 with someone today. I haven't done it in so long. I didn't know it was like my high school boyfriend. Because I think you like knock that stuff out.

You're like, what is this? No, I like it. I love climbing right on top of someone's face. Yeah, you're right. It's got to be kind of, I mean, live your truth, anybody,

but I don't think there's a lot of women out there that are like, sit on my face. Like that's just not what we're. It's not for me. How we roll. I was going to ask if there's any other 69 tips that you have to make it more enjoyable for people.

I would like to enjoy it more. I mean, I think taking breaks from Suckin the Dick and just ride in that face for a little bit is a fun thing to do. Great idea. Yeah. And then hop right back into it. I don't know. Do you watch porn? I do watch porn.

I've been watching a lot more porn and I've been subscribing to people's only fans. Some of them are a real scam because you can't see how many pictures and stuff they have up. or sometimes you can. But this one, like, I couldn't see. And I was like, ooh, you cute, though. So then I signed up and there was like one picture. And I was like, great. I paid $30 for one picture.

That seems like the company needs to fix that. That shouldn't be allowed. Can you educate me? It might have just been that one. Can you educate me about OnlyFans? It's not full nudity, right? No, it is. Oh, it is full nudity.

It's poor, right? Yeah, it's like direct-to-consumer porn. Okay. So you, like, sign up for someone. only fans and they have like pictures and videos and sometimes they'll be like, do you want to see more? And you're like, okay. So then you pay $20 extra dollars and you get like a full length video. Oh, people are at her making videos. Yeah, videos, pictures, anything you want. So I have a question for you. I was listening to an episode while I was laying out earlier.

And it really got me thinking you started talking on one of your episodes about like you don't even know like what it looks like if you were to be in a relationship. And I think about that a lot personally, too, because I have, I've had a lot of really serious relationships in my life, but I haven't in a few years. And I think a lot about like, if I met this person today who I was like ready to like, quote, settle down with, like, what does that look like for me? And I, I think that I'm in a place in my career where I guess I could, I could be okay with it, but I still, I don't, I don't know where that fits into my life sometimes. And it's, it's scary. Yeah, I mean, I don't know would someone move into my space? Like, Like, how would they want to like redecorate my room?

Where do their clothes go? Yeah. Do I have to confer with them every time I like want to go out and do something? Yeah, it's just I don't, I don't know what a relationship is. It baffles me. Do you like guys that are funny? Do you care? Like are you into comedians or do you not, is it not a big thing?

Like do you want somebody that's genuinely going to make you laugh or it's not, you have enough friends that do that for you? I want someone who makes me laugh. they don't necessarily need to be the funniest person in the room. But also, like, I have to be, like, be down for silly shit. Like, if I want to dance and target as we shop, you got to dance with me. Like, you know? Yeah.

If I start doing a bit in an elevator with strangers, you can't get embarrassed and be like, can you stop? Like, you got to join in on the bit. I just need a real silly billy. But that's what a relationship looks like to me. Like, you don't have to be like what is living with somebody look like or where to your clothes? Like, I think to me, like, you just start with, like, day one.

fucking around in an elevator or like, I need somebody that can be like fun at the grocery store or like fun at an airport. And like maybe you think about the relationship. No one has more fun at airports together than me and Ashley. We laugh so hard at the airport. Even if we're like in a bad mood, I know we're going to like make fun of somebody and be in a better.

Like people just lay on the floor in the airport. What I feel like you go through TSA and then you're in a lawless country. Like people act so poorly in airports. I've never seen more. disrespectful people just on airplanes. My favorite was this flight attendant. This man was like, where does my bag go? All the overhead bins are fault.

And she was like, well, it's going to go under the plane. He's like, no, I'm in first class. She's like, you could be also off the plane. And I was like, I was going like looking back and forth at them. And then he finally like sat down. She took his bag. And then I tapped her on the shoulder. I went, I fucking love you. And she went, hmm.

She just laughed. It was very funny to me. Yeah. I love that so much. It's very some of the most sad. thing I ever heard in an airport. This man was like screaming at this woman and she was like, listen, these are the rules so you could like obey them and get on the plane or not and not be on the plane. Just let me know what you decide. I was like, damn. You can't argue with that. How do you argue with that? You can't. And then it's like we're all adults here. Like I've seen children

behave better on planes than some adults. We, the also the thing that Rayna and I saw, this was, I think we were, we were leaving a hotel in Chicago and somebody that was saying the hotel was arguing with the front desk guy. And, and, you know, the awesome. And, And the front, we heard as we walked by, the front desk guy go, look, I'm not going to argue with you about something you know nothing about. And we were like, that is the best thing. I've heard. I love it. I feel like more people should say shit like that. It's like you don't fucking know what you're talking about. I know. And that guy like there, he was really berating him for whatever reason. We didn't hear. I wish we would have heard more of the backstory. But he stopped in his tracks. I mean, that was it. That ended the conversation. I'm not going to argue with you about something you know nothing about. What's the, what do you? What do you? You say back to it. Yes, I do. You know about hotel management or whatever it was about.

I like to squeeze that in at all opportunities. Like, I could be cutting an apple and somebody can give me their opinion about apples. I just, I love it. It's just, it levels every conversation. I love it. Have you had a really nightmare date recently? It wasn't recent. I talked about it on my podcast.

It was a while ago, but this dude, so I was 45 minutes late for this date because I was napping, which is like fully disrespectful, wasting someone's fucking time. I'm in the wrong, fully. So I meet up with him. He says he's only one drink deep and he seems one drink deep. And we talk and he's like, I don't know anything about you. And I said, okay. So I was like telling him about myself. And then like the drunker he got, he would talk about things I hadn't mentioned. So I was like, no, no, you do know who I am. And then he started talking about like all the abortions he's had with people. He started talking about his dad who ran away from his family.

And at one point he was like, yeah, I sleep all day. I go to work at night. And that's my life. And I was like, sounds like depression. Maybe therapy. And he was like, I'm not rich. And I was like, okay. Okay. If you think therapies for the rich, that's not it. There's sliding scale. Whatever. So then

he was like, should we get out of here? And I was like, yeah. You should. Well, then he was like, should I go to your house? And I was like, yep. And fully just blowing past all these red flags. And he drove, which was not good because he was drunk. And in hindsight, it was a very bad decision on my part. And he goes, don't talk about me on your podcast. And I was like, oh, so you know I have a podcast?

And he's like, well, my girl roommates listen to it. And I was like, okay, so you fully know who I am. Everything about me. I don't know why we started off with this lie. It's okay. I do stuff publicly. It's fine. Right.

to my house and I have a hot tub in the back and we were in the hot tub and he was he said something that like really was off color. I can't remember what he said, but I was like, okay, man, you got to go. And he's like, you're not going to let me sleep here. And I was like, absolutely not. I don't know you. And then he's like, you're like, everybody else in L.A. You're a piece of ship. And like, blah, blah, blah. And like, started really insulting me. And then I was like, oh my God, my roommate's sleeping. What do I do if he like gets actually violent? I was like, oh yes, I have a bat in my closet. So I was like thinking about this,

I was like, I have to get to the bat. But then finally, I was like, what makes you leave faster? Do you need a bottle of water? What do you need? And then he was like, fuck you, fuck you. And I was like, oh my God, go. And then he finally leaves and like sits in front of my house for like 20 minutes. And then I was just like staring out the window, making sure he like left it and try to like scale a fence to come back in.

Yeah, he was. And then he sent me like a like just he like bombarded me with texts the next day being like, I don't remember. what happened. I'm so sorry. You're a great girl. Blah blah. And then I was like, well, you're pretty rude. So like, this, uh, hanging out again's a note for me dog. And then he was like, I mean, I just, I don't remember. And then started listing

things that he had done. I was like, so you do remember like you're just, you're a liar. You lie. Um, I kind of, I want to talk about some friend stuff. So you and Sashir, are you, you guys, have you been friends for a long time? Yeah. We've been friends, I think

for like a decade now. Okay. I think. I don't know. The year we met is truly up for debate. Okay. Because we have a lot of, you know, girls that message us and in our Facebook group and stuff that ask that, like, feel like they have trouble making friends as an adult. So, and Rain and I, we've only been friends for, like, three years. And now we are like life partners. We started this business together and stuff like that.

So I didn't know if you guys became friends, like, more in your adult life or you'd been friends for a while. Yeah, it was, I guess I was like 21 when we met or 22. maybe 23, maybe I was 62. I don't remember how old I was, but we met doing improv. So I think like a good way to make friends is just like by doing something you're interested in that includes other people.

And you'll meet somebody like minded, like you have to. Like do you know what I mean? Like if you like Zumba and you go to a Zumba and you talk to somebody, you'll probably have other things in common as well. I love that. I mean, yeah, people do that.

They meet people like workout classes and stuff like that. Irene and I, we met on a trip that was for people that were doing like Instagram stuff, like we did. And so, yeah, it's like we immediately connected. If you're both in an improv class, you're like, we like one thing. That's the same. But I mean, now I don't fucking know how you meet somebody since we're not allowed in groups and you got a social distance and you don't know who they talk to and they might kill you. A new friend might kill you. 2020. Bottom line. Yeah. Well, tell us about you as your book is coming out, right? Yes. My book comes out June 2nd. It's called Very Fat, Very Brave,

the Fat Girl's Guide to Being Brave and Not a Melancholy Down in the Dump, Sweeping Fat Girl in a Bikini. It is the longest title. I was like, wait a all the title. Maybe, ever. But it's like kind of hard to describe. So it's like a coffee table picture book where there's like a hundred different pictures of me in different bikinis and different locations with anecdotes with each picture. And Then there's like some short essays about, like how I came to terms with being a fat lady in a bikini. And when I say brave, it's very tongue and cheek. I don't actually think anybody in a bikini is brave. That's insanity.

Right. And then there's also like some tips to help you get over the hurdle of wearing whatever you want. It's fun. It's silly. All of it is tongue and cheek. But there are like some actual helpful things in it. But like you just have to have a sense of humor to understand that. Okay, I love this.

And if you don't mind, I would love to like talk about confidence a little bit. You made this whole book. It's a copy of a book of you and bikini, which I think is so fucking cool. So like, has it taken years to feel good about yourself? Has it never been a thought to you at all?

I've always like pretty much liked who I am and I've been pretty secure in who I am. It was just like, and I like always worn what I've wanted to wear. Like I've always worn like, skin-tight things and not really like, I don't, I wasn't like a fat person who wore baggy clothes to be like, oh my God, if I wear baggy clothes, nobody will see the fat. Like, we'll see it, you know? Like, you can't hide how big you are. But like I would do things like I would wear like a

cap sleeve or a cardigan so people didn't have to see my arms. And that got to a point where I was like, it's fucking hot. Like, who fucking, I don't give a shit. If you look at my arms, you look at my fucking arms. And then like bathing suits were like the last little hurdle where I was like, I shouldn't wear a bathing suit, I don't think other people want to see it. And then it's like, oh, well, who fucking cares what other people want to see? If they don't want to see my business, they can mind their own business and, like, close their eyes or turn around and not look. So, like, that came a couple years ago where I was like, oh, I legit, do not care what anybody thinks. I'm already loud, so they'll look at me for being loud, and now give them something

to look at. I love that. Yeah, it's just, I guess the, it's just not caring. And we, we talk to, you know, of course the whole body positivity is a term that people use. I don't, I see, I hear mixed reviews on it. And then we, we like just body neutrality, which is just like, I don't care. No, I don't like, I don't look my cellulate and then at the in the mirror every morning and be like, I love you, you know, but that also works for some people too. Yeah. You know, like affirmations and everything, everybody's different. And, you know, body weight aside, we all have something we hate about ourselves, you know,

that we got made fun of. And then, I mean, people used to make fun of me when I was, you know, younger for having a big nose and it's like you gotta be the first person to make fun of it. You know, you have to like, don't hide from it or just compare. If someone who's, you have a big nose and you have a big nose, what do they tell you that you didn't already know? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, like, yeah, like, duh, hot take. Yeah, it's like, okay, I have a big nose, but you have an ugly soul and nobody could see that but me. So like, you just, you know, it's like, I love when people come for, like, if they try to insult me, I love that they come for my looks because it's like, it's the easiest thing. Tell me I'm like a

fucking dog ugly all day man on the internet. I don't care. It's just like what happened to you in your childhood that like you needed to like go to this straight? Somebody called me a butterface on Instagram the other day and I was like your dad didn't think so. Like I just don't care. Like and also like yeah, I'm going to be ugly to some people.

I'm going to be the hottest piece of ass to other people. And like there's nothing I could do about that. I mean I show up as the best me I could be. And some people are going to think I'm a butterface. It just is what it is. It is what it is. Honestly, like, anybody commenting on my looks doesn't, I don't care. It doesn't matter.

But I got a DM from this person that was like, I like your bubbly spirit. And I hope that it's real. Because if it isn't, I'll be sad. And I hope you're okay inside. And that shook me. I was like, oh, my God. What do they know that I don't know? Then I was like, what do you?

It's just a person. Right. I love that you said that. like, wait, am I bubbly though? I was like, is it a facade? Am I happy? What's going on? That one hurt my feelings more. You're right. Yeah, I was like, I'm shook if.

But yeah, I get DMs all the time from like the wildest fucking people. Like this one lady, I posted so like my parents are dead. So on Mother's Day, I posted a picture of a ghost emoji and a ghost skull. And I said, the most recent picture of my mom, happy Mother's Day. She's stunning. truly just to be like to everyone else with like a dead parent. It's like you're not alone.

We're all sad on this day. People will say happy Mother's Day to you. And it's like, am I holding a baby? You don't fucking know my life. So I just like posted that to be like, we're in solid, not solidarity, but like, you know,

dealing with my own shit. And this woman DM'd me and was like, I don't know if this was a joke, but I lost my mother and I would give anything to talk to her again. And I was like, oh my God. You need therapy. Like don't DM me. DM a therapist and talk about this shit.

I'm just a comic. I made a joke and I thought it was pretty funny. But also like we've said this before like your joke was not an attack on the way that that girl feels. Like I don't think that you're diminishing how somebody else feels and also like we're all allowed to experience pain tremendous pain.

Yes. The way that we want to. And you can process it however the fuck you want. Like loving your body, you can process that however you want. Being single, process it however you want. Like your like your life isn't someone else's life and I don't understand people who are like, you said something that I didn't like, so I need to tell you.

It should be illegal to DM somebody other than I like everything you do and you're perfect. Like, what are we all doing? You think I did something for you to criticize it? No, I did it because I thought it was good and funny. I don't know.

I think we could just keep a lot of our negativity to ourselves. Yeah, you don't need to express every thought that you have. You don't need a public. It's not that interesting. The world didn't need it. It's not that. I just,

I mean, Ashley, I talk a lot about how disgusting it is. like the people just like drag other people on the internet like crazy, total strangers and you know nothing about this person and a situation and you descend upon this person and it's like, well, you can, why can you just text your friend that?

You needed the whole world. You know you're disgusting, rotten feeling. It's so wild. Everyone is out of their goddamn minds. I know. It's crazy. And I guess I should also say like criticism isn't bad.

I think it's okay to criticize people. But like you're, I don't know. Like, tell a friend, like maybe don't do that. I don't know. I think it's like criticism's okay if like you crossed a line or something. But if it's like a picture of me at a beach

like smiling and the caption is like happiest day of my life. Your comment can't be, but you look like a piece of shit, you little trash bitch. Like one, it's also it's language. Like you can express how you feel without like hateful rhetoric. Like there is

a way to do it. Like even when you're argued about politics or whatever, there's just a different way to speak to people. Yeah. Like, it's not that I can't take criticism. It's that you are a mean person.

Yeah, you came at me and I never thought about you one time. People just have access to people because of the internet. So it's like back in the day, when you like watched a series of a show, you didn't message the actors that you didn't like episode three. Or like when you listen to an album, you didn't DM Beyonce. I didn't like track five. It's like you don't need to tell us you don't like an episode. Like just wait for the.

next one. Yeah. The only way you'd be able to do that is if you like went to your like drawer, pulled out paper, got a pen, wrote them a letter about how much you hated their shit, put it in a sealed envelope, went and got yourself a 35 cent stamp. I don't know how much they are. And put it in the mailbox to be like, I hope they get it and read about how much I like, that's literally insane. And I don't think people would do that. But like they hop on the internet and they go to Instagram and because it's like less steps to just be like, I hate you. It's like, if you're not going to put it in an envelope and send it via the U.S. Postal Service, don't say it. Right.

I love that that's like, boy, it's true. If I wouldn't, I wouldn't nail it. Yeah. Like, I just, I don't know. Well, I'm glad we went there. And I'm glad we talked about the book because I wasn't fully, like, aware of, I knew there was like a body positivity angle, but I didn't know it was like a coffee table book of you in bikini. So I'm glad that we talked about that because that's incredible.

Well, I figured I was like, either people will buy it because they love it or they'll buy it. to be like, look at this, look at this nasty lady in this book. And it's like, it doesn't matter. Money. I got your money. Well, that seems like a great place to wrap up where we plugged your book. And June 2nd, right? People can get it and tell everybody else.

And you can pre-order it in the link on my bio in my Instagram and on Twitter. I also have a website called Nicole Byer was taken.com. And that's a whole story as to why it's that name and not just, Nicole Beyer. Also, yeah, I have other podcasts, nailed it on Netflix. Yeah. And Nicole Beyer on Instagram, B-Y-E-R. Oh, yeah. Nicole B-Y-E-R on Instagram, Nicole B-Y-E-R on Twitter. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks so much for having me. What a dang treat.

Yeah, guys, and just stick around. We will be right back with one final segment of this podcast, but we're going to say goodbye to Nicole. So thanks again. Thanks. Okay, we're back. Just to two of us, ready to make each other. laugh with some ridiculous nonsense. Yeah, we feel like this is maybe one of the last times we're going to get to do a segment that's like super heavy quarantine related. We know plenty of people are still isolating in quarantine and we know thank you for being safe. But things are starting to open back up. So we asked you guys on Instagram, what is the first thing you're doing out of quarantine?

Again, don't take it too seriously. We know some of you've been out for a minute. You're going to stay back in. Things aren't opening up just as normal. Life isn't going back to normal. But we took this as like, life goes back to normal tomorrow. What are you doing? You know, like no fear. What is that thing you're going to do? And we got a lot of, we got a lot of similar answers. You want to talk about some of the ones we saw over and over and over? I'm just really impressed that women have prioritized self-care over dick, but. Oh, it depends on the woman. There is a lot of like Dick first. And there was like, man, Penny Penny Highlights. Okay. You read a different part of the list. that I did because everything is like nails first, dick second.

But yes, tons of, of what we'll get into it? Tons of eyebrows waxing, self-care, maintenance, things like that. I'm impressed that people want to do something nice for themselves and that men kind of come second. That made me like really happy. Yeah, I think overwhelmingly was the bikini wax and the bush take care. So we're not going to read it. We're going to read some of the more different ones.

I'll start. Okay. first thing out of quarantine. She said having a threesome that we planned during quarantine. I love that. That's a bummer. You're like, oh, we just were about to do it. And then we couldn't have someone come over.

I wonder how she met this person. I wonder if they planned it online with somebody or if it was like the day before, like the city shut down. Then it was like, oh, we're going to postpone our threesome. Okay, I felt like this one spoke directly to me. Give a blowjob. Man, do I miss blowjobs? man, same girl.

Same girl. All right. Getting a job and getting some dick. Not necessarily in that order. Well, one takes longer than the other, you know? You've got a prioritize the day. Pedicure, hair care, and massage outrank all sex at this point. Go ahead for you.

And massage are getting touched. Okay. Eating six basket of chips with queso and getting blacked out on margaritas. Lots of margaritas and Mexican food. Invite us. I can't wait to get my clit rubbed by the seat of my cycling studio bike. Okay, I'll do my, I'll do my spin class one then. Someone wrote cry at spin class.

So are you the two things, two types of girls. Actually, I'm both. I'm crying and I'm getting off. I can see myself like on a bike and I like have an orgasm and then I just like burst into tears because I'm so happy that I'm just like around people and getting off. Mm-hmm. Okay. So lots of eyebrows stuff. that's the way this girl put this.

Turn my one eyebrow back into two. Also wax my entire body and soul. And soul. She needs a cleanse. Yeah, I saw threading these full-blown caterpillars above my eyes. That is a visual.

Yeah. This made me laugh. I'm ready for my ho phase with every single man and woman I see. And then she put in parentheses, consensual, of course. Nice. Thank you for letting us. So you're going to ask first.

This is a flex. We're moving to Italy. We were thinking about it before, and this has convinced us. I mean, it's also funny because Italy had it hard too, but you're like, fuck America. I don't fucking care. The way this shit was handled, we're out of here. I mean, honestly, like, I don't want to see the second wave here in America.

I'd rather ride it out in the Amalfi Coast. It's not funny, but it really warrants my heart. Happy hour. It's about a hug, isn't it? No. Fuck with hugs, okay. Happy hour with my teacher team because we survived virtual school. Oh, that.

Yeah, that is great. Also hugs. Yeah. And props to you guys for surviving. This one is for you, Raina. Camping. Lots and lots of camping. Someone's going to do that on purpose.

Someone's a lot out of their house. We've been sleeping inside too long. It's time to go outside. someone has been in misery for months and the first thing they want to do is go be more miserable. Raina, to each their own, you know, live your truth. You know what, that's true. I guess like for some people like putting a dick inside of their head, but be terrible and I want to do that. So you know what you're right.

I actually like forgot about this. And when I like read this line, I was like, oh, it sounds so good. Target shopping spree bitches. Yes. I saw that too. A leisurely two and a half hour stroll through. Target. Also, what I saw overwhelmingly, T.J. Max and home goods together. Over and over and over T.J. Max and home goods. Sometimes some of you guys had marshals instead

T.J. Max. But home goods across the board. But almost every other was bronze was T.J. Max was the combo. Like that's what y'all do. You go hit them both. I respect it. I respect it. Okay. Oh, you know the place in New York City that's, uh, it's not just marshals and T.J. Max. It's also bed bath and beyond in the middle in Chelsea. She was so nice. Six Avenue and 18th Street. I miss you. I like that this girl

planned out a whole scenario. Getting into a bar argument with a fuck boy and having his friends buy me apology drinks. She's planning fights. I love that. She's planning fights in the shower. Okay.

A motherfucking pottery class. Okay. Go off. She's like, I'm going to get in there. I'm doing fucking pottery. I don't get. I've never done pottery before. That's what I'm doing.

I like when people take things that aren't Savage, make them sound savage. This girl wrote Botox, light me up. Yeah, so much, I saw a lot. So much Botox. Same. Okay, this one, this feels like a vibe. Do like five squats at the gym, then go get marg's and nachos.

She's going to hit the gym. She's going to hit the weight rack for like three seconds. Be like, I'm out of here. That's more than I would do. Yeah. Props to her. I just want to have sex with strangers again. I feel that.

Same. I liked some of the ones about the boyfriend. She said, having my boyfriend do me for. behind while speaking Spanish. Okay. I'm assuming she's not quarantined with her boyfriend, or you think that like after quarantine, they're going to learn Spanish.

Right. She's like, my boyfriend has been doing the Rosetta Stone, and right after quarantine, he should be completed and that's when he can fuck me doggy style while speaking Spanish. But we haven't, we're not there yet.

We are fucking, but not with the Spanish. Okay, if you could have somebody speak any language to you while you were fucking, which language would it be besides English? Probably Spanish, right? I think South Spanish.

I mean, Italian would be like Clarend Spanish. It's definitely what else. It's not French. Not French. That's for damn sure. That's what is to dry a pussy up. Thinking about France.

It drives me up. I don't get to, I don't like, I mean, I don't feel like it's derogatory. I'm sure plenty of French men hate my voice. So it's fine. That's true,

right? There's plenty of people don't want to fuck me either, okay? Yeah. All right. So speaking of shopping, I just want to go to bath and bodyworks for some reason. And she puts a question at the end of it.

Like, she's not sure. I just want to smell the candles. I saw that one. Yes. I want to go to Bath and Body Works to smell the candles. I do that all the fucking time. When it's summer in New York and you're walking around, you're like, I'm going to die. Like the heat, I am going to die.

I will tell you those chain stores. Nobody has AC like those. You don't want to pop into a little boutique for some AC. You've got to hit a chain mall store. I wanted one day in Bath & Body Works soaking and sweat and just stood in there. I bought a few things. I bought some hand sanitizer. I bought a candle.

I was like, this is what I needed. Well, you know where I go when it gets too hot. You know that I make a B-line for West Side Market. It's the cold. It's the coldest place in New York. It's my favorite place. Literally. It's two blocks from my apartment.

I will literally stop on the way home just to walk through the produce section. Just to hit that AC. Yep. Nips hard as fuck. Okay. This is also your vibe, I feel like. Dancing on a sweaty dance floor in a club. I don't even like clubs.

This is my vibe. Just to go. Let's fucking get bottle service. Let's do it. I'll enjoy it for 10 minutes, but it'll be worth it. You know, I'll go for, yeah, I'll go for 10 minutes. I'll walk home. I'll Irish exit out of there. Just so I can like smell sweat on another person. I just want to sniff a man. Um, okay. Text my fuck buddy who I spent all of quarantine moving on from obviously it's working. So she's just going to derail all the work she's done? Yes. Yes. Okay. No, whatever. Live your truth. Listen, we've said no rules during quarantine. Let's be honest.

There's no rules after quarantine either. The first person that's willing to have sex with me, I'm doing it. Yeah. This sounds like a fuck buddy situation too. She said, I'm getting my earrings back from the dude I was fucking before this. I want my earrings, bro. You got to get your earrings.

I once had a guy mail me earrings in an envelope. I'm like, I want those back. He lived in this. He lived in Atlanta too. Like it wasn't like he, it wasn't long, long distance.

He lived across town. I was like, send him an envelope. What do I fucking care? Listen, I took off my jewelry for your enjoyment. So you should send it back. I don't take off my rings so that I can enjoy sex.

more. I take it off to the one I'm sucking your dick. My rings don't slip up and down it. You know? Send me my stuff back. Send it back. This one is for you. This girl wants to mow the lawn, not the one outside. Mo her own lawn?

Yeah. With the bad boy. This girl, I feel for her, because I feel like she's been waiting for this moment. Getting my adult braces off, thank God. Oh, God. Can you imagine extending that even a day longer than you had to?

What if you were supposed to get your braces off on like March 20? like that was the date like 320 was this date and then it just was like sorry that's elective and you can't it's like June sorry to laugh at you girl you're gonna look fabulous um okay here's my last one it speaks to me this is I could have written this myself hair nails cocktails on a patio degrading sex in that order oh my god you did write that one that one she is me she is you I'll get I'll do one for you this had your name in it special for you getting fucking laid and come-guzzling Raina style.

I don't hate it. I'll do not hate it. A quick one. Someone wrote six flags, don't at me. I love that. Live your truth. Barada and champagne, pull aside.

A little bit different from the marg is a nachos girl. She's fan of champagne. She's from Paris too. Hugging my Amazon delivery guy. My orders kept him putting in work. On the flip side, returning half the stuff I bought

during quarantine. Someone wrote, I'm getting that desis, the nails can wait. I love this one, sex and visiting my grandmom. Don't know if that's in the same trip. And my last favorite one,

IDK, but my boyfriend better fucking propose. But I know what Tyler's doing. And that's proposing. Why do I always use Tyler? I need a better name. I can just see that though. Like you spend all of quarantine. You cook, you clean, you make it nice, you know?

And you're like, at the end of this, I better get that ring. I fully understand that fine. Girl, let us know if you get proposed to on the last day of quarantine. Ladies get that jewelry. Oh, I forgot this one. This one was nice. I feel like this girl's fun to party. with acrylics and Yeager bombs.

She's going to get her nails. She's from Pittsburgh. Yeah, I fuck with her. She's from Philly. She's from a city of Pennsylvania. You know I had French acrylic nails for way more years than I should have. I just still don't hate them.

I don't know. No, they're nice. All right, guys. Well, best of luck accomplishing your freedom out of quarantine goals. We respect all of them. I want to do every single one of them.

There's not one thing on that list that I wasn't like hashtag me too. Yeah, you even leaned into the spin glass. Oh, she said to clit. I would actually go to exercise more often and there was more orgasms involved. Everybody is. Well, thank you for listening to this episode. A lot happened. We thank you guys for getting to the end.

And yeah, you know where to find us. Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Girls Got to Eat Podcast on Instagram. Ash Hess, braided.greenberg on Instagram, girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Got to Eat. And that's all for us. Thanks, guys.

Have a great week. Bye.