Girls Gotta Eat - Let Me Upgrade You

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

Women stay upgrading men, and we're diving into it. We're discussing the motivation to change your partner, what's healthy and what's not, what you should and shouldn't try to change (everything from clothing to bedding to career goals to emotional stability), and the unfortunate reality of changing someone for the better and them leaving you. We're sharing our experiences as well as our listeners, and also catching up on Ashley's new addition, Rayna's latest phone sexcapade, plus TV recs. Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for show dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Helix: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders + 2 free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge. FabFitFun: Get $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com with code GGE. Nutrafol: Get 20% off your first order + free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE20. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge12 + code GGE12 for 12 free meals including free shipping. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But Beyonce's dealt with it and she made songs about it. And she's fine. And so, like, that's actually advice. I think he has it. Welcome back to another episode of Girls, Gotti. Welcome back. You really stamped yourself up for that one. I never let anyone down, okay?

I can be on my deathbed and I will pull it out for this episode. You were like, hi, guys. Um, guys, happy May. It's 83 degrees today. I walked out of the door. Yeah, yeah, bitch, it is. I walked out of the door and I was like, what is this on my body? Then I was like, I'm cloaked in heat.

I'll tell you what? I'm not ready. She actually hates me hot. I will just complain and complain that it's not spring. And then the second it gets too hot, I'm like, for this reason, I'm out. But I can't hear it. Listen, it's fucking, listen, hot take, weather. Weather.

May. It's always freezing. It's usually cold up until my birthday on June 17th. And then it's just unbearable in New York for two months. Well, you know, that would track because that's beginning of summer. Right. Weather. Right at June 20th.

That's when summer hits. So that would, that would make sense. New York, all four seasons. Weird. All right. Listening to this today on Monday, we had two amazing shows with you guys in Miami last night, back on the road for a Florida tour. Yes.

And like we said, if you guys are coming to Tampa on the 5th or Orlando on the 6th and you have crazy, funny, hilarious, dating, sex, relationship stories that you are okay with us sharing at the show. You can email them to us at hello at girlscottepodcast.com. Make sure to denote which show you were coming to, which city, which showtime. And we'll see you there. Yeah. And thanks, Miami.

We love you. We love you. Hopefully. What if something terrible happened? We're like, we'll cut this. What if you broke up with your man at the show? All right. You know what?

What if, okay, so he's like, girls got to get canceled after Miami show. And we're like, we had a great time. We are not doing this anymore. Well, I'm nervous because it's the first time that we're going to be on stage since the fall. And he is coming to the Miami show, which the cause is going to go. But it'll be fine. It's going to be great. Yeah.

We're going to have them come to the later show because you never know. We're going to be my little bit rusty out of the gate. Yeah, I already handled that this morning. My aunt's coming to that one. I love your family so much. All right. So you're a dog mom. Okay.

Well, we're starting there. Sure. You don't want to. I thought you said you were the thing to tell me. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, speaking of this man, I had a funny interaction yesterday with the fan on the street. So you were having us all over on your patio for a nice evening, me and Merrill and Jackie. You were setting up a nice chakutery board.

I was on my... You're the only person that's roasting this charcutory spread. I was fine with it. Fine, let's get into it. I have so many talents and so many skills. And that is not one of them. I don't think it was bad. I'm joking.

I like the crackers. I like the cheese selection. Also, do you want the full story? Yeah, I want the full story. The whole story is I don't care. And it's like people have a real skill in making charcutory boards and cutting the cheese and the doing the meats and doing all the stuff. I just don't have it and it's not something that I need to dedicate energy to. I'm going to leave it up to the people that do graded it. You are a

master. I don't need to do it. Like I can enjoy other people's and I can throw some cheese on a cutting board and some meats. One of the time calls for it. So, but I will say, I feel like Trader Joe's has so many things for great entertaining. Like they have all those fun dips. You can't find anywhere else. Their cheese selection is amazing. They have like great prosciutto. For example, I go down there and I get a basket full of stuff, like all the stuff. I was really like going to maybe try to step it up a little more. I got two types of crackers. I had like some fruit. I then realized the line was literally starting in the cheese section as in it wrapped her around the entire store. I know that the Trader Joe's lines are crazy, but I go like a very specific time. But I was like, there's no line on the

street. Like maybe it's okay. I went in. I didn't see that line. As soon as I was like going to go get in line, it was snaked around the entire store. Like, if you know that Trader Joe's, you know that when I say the cheese section, that's the entire store. I never go to Trader Joe's. I don't believe in it. I don't like it. I hate the customer experience.

There's never not a line of Trader Joe. You don't want to go to Trader Joe's. Well, you can't knock the customer experience. That Trader Joe's is a happy place. Girl, I don't, I just be in line. Are in line for 30 minutes is not my happy place. So hear me out. I go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

1030, between 1030 and 11 a.m. No line, hardly ever. or like max, there's three people in mind. That's the hotspot if you want my tip. At noon starts to get a little dicey because people are on their lunch hour. So if you hit that between 10 and 1115 on a weekday, you're good.

So I do go there. And I love Trader Joe's. You heard it here first, guys. I put everything back and went to Target. So that was a Target board. That was a Target board. That's why you hate that. That's what you hated that board.

All boars had cheese. One type of entertaining cracks. and I got it. Just some salami. Entertaining crack. It's in the entertaining section. Entertainment cracker section. It was in the chip aisle.

But like, I do think I hated that board extra because it was like full target grocery. You didn't tell us that. I didn't know. I just don't understand. Like, why it's you, if anybody, you roast me for everything else. You also have this extremely high bar for chakritory or so I thought. It's honestly, I'm a little disappointed that you even say that you even say that mine is acceptable.

Okay. So it's acceptable because I don't know that the experience of eating charcutory is measuredly better because someone has touched every single piece of charcutory that's on that plate, especially during COVID times. Like if you individually separated and balled up each prosciutto like a little piece of gum, I don't know that that makes my experience measuredly better. There was food when I walked in the door. It was pleasingly laid out. There was alcohol.

I brought a bunch of dips. I had a rosee was on ice. A nice bucket. Yep. You had four matching glasses. It was a nice night. I just don't care. Okay.

I just want to be very clear that then you this morning felt the need to post about it and then tag Jared Freed. So it's like, I posted about it. Thank you for a lovely evening. And then you were like, I can't be you're going to make fun of me. And then I asked Jared. And then he levied a, I don't even know what that was. It had nothing to do with anything. He said it was like a 25 year old boy's chirkutery board.

He said my churkidory board looked like something a 25 year old man would make. All I heard was 25 year old. So I will take the comment. compliment. Okay. I think you want to fuck them. You don't want to be like them. That's not your mantra. Oh man, I want to be like a 25 year old. I didn't read past 25 year old. I didn't read past Ash Hess as a 25 year old. Okay. The point is I took a walk before I came over your place. I was on these streets. I had a funny fan encounter. I was walking around. It was like 6.30 p.m. The streets were littered with people. Somehow I was, I was on the phone. I started to have phone sex somehow in

public at 6.30 p.m. Listen, if you're quiet enough, you could have phone sex anywhere. Oh my God. I'm talking somebody through masturbating before shower in the bathroom and I'm like right in the middle of the sentence and I'm like, and just before you come. And this girl runs up to me.

I have my earpods in. I'm like listening to somebody beat off in my ears. No. And be like talking about my pussy and stuff. And this girl's like, oh my God, I'm such a fan. And she's, I'm like, shaken. Because I'm in one mode and I got to switch over

to let's say hi to the listeners mode. Yeah. And I'm like, you're like, pussy's wet. You're like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I'm dripping between my legs, walking around these streets. I have to tell him to hang on a second. And she's like, can I take a photo with you? And she hands her phone to her mom, who she's also with.

No, this did not happen. A fan photo on the street while I'm in the middle of right before I make you come. I was so shook. I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't make eye contact with her and her mom. I had to like pause the sexting. And then he had to like listen to me, take a fan photo while he's jerking off, which you know just would kill anybody's.

boner. Tell what you're into. That is incredible. That was so funny. I couldn't wait to tell you. Oh, my God. I remember a guy that I stole this day, best sextor ever,

and we were sexting. I was home at night. I was like home sexting, masturbating. I fully came like first, like on the couch. I mean, not like on the portion.

And then come to realize later, he had just been out at the bar. Like, I was like, What did you, I had just this whole time. I thought he was on his couch. Like I thought it was like, he would have been out with friends at a sports bar. You weren't on the phone. You were just sexting.

Okay, well, I was at like Joe and the juice. You took it to another level. Walking down these streets. I'm not trying to want up you. You do win. No, that was crazy. I will always think of that where I was like, oh, he's just home too. We're just doing this.

And then. Yeah, well, why would you think anybody was anywhere else? I mean, what a fucking weirdo to be walking around. I mean, it's 6.30 p.m. on the street. It's probably a little easier if you're, like, wearing a mask. People can't, like, see what your mouth is doing. Like, you could probably be, like, having phone sex on the subway if you were quiet about it. Are you out here having phone sex on the subway, you think?

2021. Ashley has phone sex on the age right now. I'm not even, it's been, like, so long since I've had phone sex. Like, now you're just in, like, that mode all the time. You know how, like, so I cycle around New York City. I like city bike. Like, I just, I love to ride bikes. Like, I'm not really too scared to ride in Manhattan.

But I would be really scared to, like, clip into a road bike. You clip your feet in. people that are really experienced, they can clip in and ride around Manhattan all the time. Wow. So, for example, Rob, like, are my best friend, he is riding around Manhattan at all times clipped in. It terrifies me that you would be clipped into a bike around Manhattan. But like, if you're experienced enough, you can do it wherever. So for you, you can be wherever and just go get into that mode.

And you're having fun on the A train. You're clipped in. Clipped in. I don't even pause. That girl's like, you want to take a selfie? I'm like, yeah, and I just talked right through it. I was like, yeah, I get that day hard for it. Exactly.

And that's just the same as Rob. He has clips on his loafers. Like, he'll be around going to business meetings clipping it and going. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is so funny. Thank you so much. I'm so proud that this is my only.

Hashtag clipped in. Tag it. Okay. I have some news to share. We're going to share on the podcast. Yes. We have a new dog. Bo, boom, boom.

Should you say like, Bar, Bar, but, but, but, but, but, I'm trying to do, like, a dog. Yeah, there it is. Okay. Oh, so you texted me today when I was walking on the street,

and you said, we have a new dog. I know. Okay. I said it last week, you guys, that I was fostering with Animal Lighthouse, and I knew this dog that I was getting.

I knew he was coming in from South Carolina. I knew his name was Azul, and I just fell in love with him. I mean, well, maybe not the first moment, but it is. I really, he's so perfect. He's so wonderful. I was not planning to adopt a dog. I can't stress this enough.

Like I said, I feel like you guys are like, of course you did. It's like I swear, I don't even feel like this is the ideal time, but it's just him. I just fell in love with him. He's so special. You really love him. Like you have been, because I've waffled all week. All week long, I've been like, I want to take this so seriously. I am not a person that is like, I'll get a dog. And if I don't like the dog, I'll re-home the dog. Like this is for life. Like this is, you know, he's five, allegedly, this could be 10 years of my life. I want to make sure that I'm in the right place in my life to do this, or if, you know, I have the resources when I go out of town and I just want to make sure everything's in order to give him a good life. I took the decision very seriously.

When I adopted Dewey, I did not. I was like, that's my dog and I love him and I have no money. And I'm in my 20s. I was like, 24, 25 and was like, I'm broke and I don't care. We're going to figure it out. And I don't regret it for a second. But I think it's just different. You think about things differently. You're like, okay, like I could have this dog until I'm 50 or whatever. you know. So you text me today and you've been waffling over this all week and you said like do I feel like if it's not a fuck yes it's a fuck no and we talked about that and you really went back and forth and this is like such a like you said a decision that can affect your life for a very long time. It's not a job. It's not a boyfriend. It's not things you can sort of jettison and get rid of. And I just think that you felt like

he brings so much joy to your life and he just love him so much. I think he's so special. We went to brunch with him on Sunday and he just like didn't bark at anybody. He was good with the waiter. He just was like such a joy to be with. He's really special. He's so, so wonderful. And of course, by now, if you guys follow me on Instagram, you'll see plenty of Azul content. I'm keeping his name. That's his name. He knows it. He's, you know, five, at least five years old. So I'm not going to change his name on him. Of course, we have nicknames for him, which is to call him everything in the book. We're like, Zul, Azulio, Azuli, like everything. But I felt like I had a lot to work through this week. I've had like, I'm still dealing with the loss of Dewey, you know? Like, I'm still

sad. I still miss him. And, you know, of course, like I've said this before, a dog is not like a partner. You know, you can have a bunch of dogs. You can lose a dog and you can go on and get another dog the next day. It's always good to save a life. You know, that's why I'm such a proponent of adopt, don't shop. But I just, I had so many mixed emotions. I was like, I don't want to forget about Dewey. I don't want to replace him. And that's not what I'm doing. And that's not what it is. Of course. And people know that when they've gotten, when they've lost a pet and gotten another one. Like, but I just had a lot to work to to work through and my feelings on the whole thing and travel's going to pick back up. You know, is this the right kind of dog that can go to my parents and be cool or go to a sitter?

Like he is really cool and he doesn't really have separation anxiety. I think he's going to be like a perfect dog. But I just do every day. I mean, you've been along on so many of these roller coasters with me. I mean, this is just like one of many where it's like I am. I'm not. I am. I'm not because for me, when I make a decision like that, like I'm fully committed.

So I just wanted to make sure to make the right decision. And I literally started the morning with like, no, I don't think. I'm going to do it. And then I was just like, what am I doing? I like love this animal. He, he looks like he's home. We went to the dentist. We got his teeth fixed. Like, he's my dog. I think you thrive with an animal in your home. I think that you don't love being home alone. I like the way that I do. I think you like being home with an animal. I think you like snuggling with him. I think you like taking walks with him and meeting people through him. I think you're like, you're a dog girl, you know? And I think that you're a person that should be a pet owner. And I think that

the pros outweigh the cons. And you'll figure. it out. And I think that you made the right decisions for his life too. Yeah, I know. I'm just excited. I think he's going to have such a good life and you really, like, even when I told you, I thought I thought I was going to get a different response from you and I said, I don't think I'm going to keep him. I thought you were going to be like, you're right. You made the right decision. It's not a good time. You were like, really? I was like, Rayna. I just think he brings you a lot of joy. I just, I know that you'll figure it out. Like, and I know that you wouldn't choose to keep an animal if you couldn't give him a good life, you know? And I think that he brings a lot of joy to my life. So I'm happy.

I cried on the street. Look at it. Look at him. He's just like sitting behind me. Okay, guys. Well, Azul, welcome to the family. Yeah. Girl got to eat the snack head.

Yay. Uh, all right. Look out for Azul merch. Yeah. Oh, my God. Also, while we're here, you had the funniest thing about me upgrading Azul with how we're talking about upgrading a man today. Like, I'll tell you what.

When I, when Azul came out of that car, I was like, oh, uh, uh, we got a interview. You were like, he smells a bed and I was like, is that normal? And they always drop him out. So you have to mansplain animals to me so often. So he, he, he, his owners, but the stories of his owners were arrested anyway. He was in a shelter, but then he came up here, you know, flew up here. Like they just get that really dirty. Who knows what was happening in the shelter. He smelled really bad. He had a lot of dander. And, I mean, yes, teeth, his mouth is all fucked up. And at this point, he has been to the dentist. But

it was 9.30 in the morning. And I called my grooming place immediately. And I was like, like can we come in? And it wasn't even as simple as a bath. Like they had him for two hours. They had to like power clean him. I don't know how stuff works. And so like for that hour, they had to like power watch him.

For that hour, we just sat on the patio. I was like, you cannot be in the house. And then he came. He was fresh as new. He's got this silky black coat. Like he's got a good,

good code and he was all clean. He was good to go. And they were like, he was perfect. We brushed his teeth. You know, we clipped his nails. We did all the things.

But, he needed upgraded immediately. Yeah. he got out of that car, you upgraded him like a boyfriend. All the cosmetic things. It's like you can make them start showering, get a skincare routine. I, like, wanted to touch him, but I was like really just gentle. I was like, ugh.

You're a soul. Guys, let the record show. Ashley just touched me. This is our one touch for a quarter. Okay, so that's that. I have two wrecks. Okay. I'm just going to start.

Have you watched younger? Oh, it did start younger. Okay. It's like so weird because I haven't watched it for so long. I know. I don't show you to watch forever. I watched the first like three episodes. I had a hard time getting back into it.

You did? After so long. But I mean, I like to show. It's light. It's easy. Okay. Anyway, younger, if you guys aren't familiar,

we talk about it a lot, but it's in its final season. And they're releasing the episodes, like they on Hulu. So maybe there's five now, but when I watched it, there were four on Hulu. They released like the first four.

And then maybe they're, fucking Hulu, you know how they roll. They'll release like one a week now. I think like six or out. Yeah. Oh, six, maybe out. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway, so I've watched four at this point. I don't really, I like to watch them at least two at a time because they're like 20 minutes. I still love it. I still love the show. I'm sad that it's the last season. I think all them look great, by the way. Hillary Duff, go off.

She might get a spinoff, Hillary Duff. I mean, I love her character. Really? I read a rumor about her getting her own spin off, like about her in the publishing industry. But Ashley and I love the show. Like, we've watched every episode. It's just like a nice, easy light watch. I am like rooting for Josh.

I hope they end up together. They can't have the series with her not adding up with Josh. So that's my prediction. There's a hot outdoor shower scene. What? She goes to the Hamptons? I haven't gotten there? No.

Maybe that is before. Anyway. Damn. You know I love outdoor shower. No one loves an outdoor shower more than Ashley. So I'm like, do I want to fuck in the outdoor shower though? because I don't really love shower sex. Like, do I want to taint an outdoor shower experience with sex?

Listen, I think that an outdoor shower set might be nice. Okay, here's here's why. because typically the surroundings are wood, which I find easier to grab onto. There's a lot of wood. Yeah, there's a ton of wood in me and around me. Like, I don't love shower sex because I never have anything like to grip onto.

And so I'm just like, we're just standing here. And I'm a midget and I'm not like a normal height to have shower sex with anybody. And so I don't love it, but yes, I would do an outdoor shower. But not outdoor showers are created equal. Let's be clear, because I will get in any of them. I don't care if it looks dirty. If I'll just stand in the middle,

I got to get in there. I don't have any... If it's outdoors, I'm in there. Yeah. Your dad mentioned that there was one at the beach house at Matt's Wedding, and it was cold as shit. You were like, yeah, maybe I'll do it.

I know. Like, I'll go home. If it hits 60 degrees, like my parents have one. And I'm like, Dad, can I get an outdoor shower? He's like, Ashley, it's March. I haven't hooked it up for the season yet. Like, it's just like...

Your dad's so rugged. I love an outdoor shower so much. But maybe one day I'll fucking one. We'll see. I'll keep you guys posted. I have another wreck I'm so obsessed with. you know when you find a show like for example when I found the bold type there was so much of it to watch like this feels like similar there's only two seasons but there's a whole lot of episodes and this is

all-American it's a cw show about high school a cw teen show built for ashley just yeah but it's on netflix you know recommended this to me and i feel like this isn't going to resonate with audience as much as it will with you but it's crazy you recommended something to me that i hadn't heard of it and that's maryl because merrill is stays behind the time okay you guys all have a maryl in your life okay you guys all have a merrill in your life okay She doesn't know about gossip. She doesn't know about like, she'll tell you about everything happening in the world. Oh, she's brilliant.

World peace. She'll tell you how to speak seven languages. But like gossip, reality TV news, television, pop culture. Hell no. No, I remember the time Merrill was like, sent me this song. And she was like, I think this is going to be the song of the summer. I was like, bitch, this has been on TikTok for three months. The challenge is over.

This song is so old. Like, that's an example. So I saw Merrill for the first time. She's been gone for like three months. We had this little wine tasting. And then a couple weeks ago, and she was like, oh, my gosh, you know what I started, All-American. And I go, I don't know that show, which was crazy. Because she said it like, I should know.

Bottom line, I'm obsessed with it, guys. I'll just give you a quick rundown. It's about this high school football player from Crenshaw, which is a neighborhood in Los Angeles County. If you know that, I mean, people sometimes will compare like Crenshaw to Compton. It's just, it's a lower-income neighborhood. Gangs are prominent, were prominent. I assume still there is like gang violence.

And I say that just to kind of describe the, the, premise of the show, it's this high school football player and he gets recruited, which is illegal in high school, but whatever, gets recruited by the coach who was played by Tay Diggs. So Tadig's is like kind of the star to go play in Beverly Hills. So to literally go play, he was from a school kind of in the hood to go play in like the, you know, arguably like the richest neighborhood in Los Angeles. So he goes to Beverly Hills High, Beverly High. And then it's just his experience at the school, you know, just general high school drama, like everything you'd want in a show about that, like relationships,

There's rivalries and him kind of like still feeling tied to his neighborhood. And he is, you know, he's, I'm not going to give it away, but he's still like involved in the neighborhood. His mom and his little brother still live there. And you know, it also explores some heavier topics like systemic racism, gang violence, like some parts of it get a little heavy. But at the end of the day, it's still, you know, it's a CW high school show and it's about football. I love football shows. I love football movies. The cast is primarily black, biracial. So we love a non-white high school show. And everybody is just unbelievably attractive.

It's shocking. You had me a Tatex. It's a Teggs. It is this one girl who's kind of, she's not even like the supposed to be like the hottest, most popular girl in school is like the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Like everybody's just, I mean,

they're grownups playing high schoolers. It's not creepy. But like they're, it's a really attractive cast. And it also deals with a lot of family dynamics and stuff. And there are just some really emotional moments. I mean, I cry all the time,

but I have probably cried at more episodes than not. And on a more uplifting note, the music is fire. The music is so, so good, such a good soundtrack. So obviously that's a plus too. I just, I can't recommend enough. I love it so much. Two seasons on Netflix. Ashley loves a high school show.

No one loves it more. Obsessed. You guys are going to thank me. All right. Well, there you go, guys. Two fictional shows that are great. No doc wrecks from me this week. Raina.

I've been having too much phone sex. I don't know. You are literally on these streets. You guys, who knew when Raina said I'm about to get back on the streets? She meant walking around having phone sex on the streets. I will say, though, I made a declaration a few months ago, and I was like, I'm going to get back out there. I want to have tons of sex and I want a divorced guy. And I did all those things.

Damn, I did all three of those things. What an icon. Raina, really, though. You manifested the fun of your life. So proud. Okay. Talking about upgrading men. We're talking about let me upgrade you.

Try to do this episode a few years. ago. Yeah. Whatever. We're going to do a better job together. We're going to do it. Yeah. We don't need a man for this.

I don't need a man for anything. I love... Except for having phone sex on the street. I'll have phone sex with you on the street. I'll have phone sex with the wall. I'll have fucking care. I sent a sexy text this morning.

I was so turned down by what I said that I masturbated. I love it. But I love this topic because I think women are like, can I change a man? Should I change a man? There's a million things that you can't change about people that I would recommend trying.

There's a million things I wouldn't recommend trying. So we're going to go through all of it. And I feel like I have some really great examples from relationships I've been in. People I've tried to upgrade their whole life in social situations. Yeah. I mean, it's supernatural for women to want to upgrade men. I think that our whole thing as women is you leave them better than you found them. That's what we do.

We come in and we improve their lives and then we let them go or even they let us go or we end up with them. And then we have this like improved partner. Like I think that it's like truly the circle of life, like women helping women. Like you are going to improve a guy for the next woman. And a woman right now is improving a guy for you. This is what we do.

So just know that if you're out here improving a man while you're doing that. And if you guys break up, another woman is improving a man for you. So let's just think about it like that. It's the circle of like, uh, centenia. Like it truly is. Raina, you know, it's true.

Yeah, I mean, listen, as we get older, we get better and we get better because the women that we date make us better. We're going to get into like what is stuff that you are improving in like a positive way because you care about somebody, you love somebody or it just happens naturally. Because I think a lot of this is just natural and a lot of it is just like men want to be better. You know what I mean? Or they want to do these things and they want to look better, feel better when they're with a woman. but I think when women kind of take men on his projects, I think there's this whole thing, you know, women want, not all women, of course, just the narrative of like women want to reform a bad boy. They want a man who's never loved before to love them. You know, you want to turn the

nerdy guy into a hot guy. Like all that stuff is like it can be appealing. It can be a challenge that somebody might want to do. And I think that some of it is age dependent. I don't know that a guy in 30s should still be wearing cargo shorts and not processing his emotions. You know what I mean? I just feel like as I've gotten older, I've cared less to do. that. That's sort of like the blessing of dating as you get older. And I've said this before on the show, you know, when you date somebody that's like 22, 23, 24, there's a world of possibilities of who they're going to become. You're sort of shooting in the dark for who they're going to be. You can make educated decisions. But I like dating in my mid-30s because you meet people that are a little more

fully formed in terms of emotionally what they're capable of, professionally what they're capable of. I just, I think it's nicer to date a little bit older because you can meet people that are fully formed. And then you can start dating people that you don't even, that you don't want to change. Yeah, I mean, I don't think you should look at somebody and ever, really. I mean, at any age and think, oh, that person has potential and I want to change them. That should not be your first thought right out of the gate. Yeah, you could be like, God, he has bad shoes, but he makes me laugh and he can fuck and I'm going to see this through. But I bring age into it because I'm like, if you're young and you're just, you're 22, you're 25 and just have fun, girl, you know, like, I mean, whatever.

If you, if you're like, no, because I want to start having kids at 27, like, live your truth, of course. but if you feel like you want to live a life a little bit more like you and I and date around, like maybe this isn't stuff that you're really worrying about. You're like, I'm having fun with this guy who cares if he's not Mr. Perfect or he needs a little help in some areas. Like we're young, we're having fun. But I mean, if you're in the point of like you're looking for somebody to really settle down with and be committed with and potentially marry, whatever, I wouldn't look at somebody

and think like, let me get in there and start changing stuff. Because I think that's a recipe for disaster. Totally. I think the recipe to make somebody hate you and really resent you, which we can talk about later, but I feel like when I meet somebody today, I just say to myself, are my basic needs met by this person? Are there I'm a four or five non-negotiables in terms of, you know, do we think about money the same way? Do we want the same long-term goals? Do we have fun together? Do I respect this person? They're a nice person intellectually. Do I connect with them? Is the sex good?

Things like that. But fundamentally, I don't want to date anybody that I want to change. I'm not looking for a project. I've never been the kind of girl that thought that that was fun or a challenge. I've always believed somebody when they've told me who they were. I think, I think I have just, I would have taken on a little bit more when I was younger and you live and you learn and you grow up. And I've certainly dated people. I don't want to be like, you know, women change men. I've dated people that have made me better. Right. Maybe more empathetic, kinder. A hundred percent. It goes both ways. Yeah. So I think that I want to meet somebody that like I know that I can make suggestions to help them improve just like I'd want somebody to make suggestions, but I want to

mostly meet a person who I'm okay with if nothing changes. And I think one of the main things is like how they treat you. And that is like kind of above all, how they make you feel, strip away everything else, strip away their clothes, their job, whatever it is. And how do they make you feel and treat you?

Because I don't know, I think that women can have such a profound impact on men. I'm thinking of a friend that, that we have, that her husband just wasn't really social. And he just, he had some stuff to work on in terms of, I guess,

I hate to say his personality, but bottom line is she got in there and she did some work. But he always treated her right. You know what I mean? Maybe he wasn't the best with other people, but I think she really dedicated some time and kind of turned him around for the best.

We love him. We love them. But he was always good to her. You know what I mean? And they were there, them together was always solid in the relationship. So I say that to say there's really nothing that you can't change. But I mean, the stuff that needs to be there to begin with is how someone makes you feel and how someone treats you.

And then like you said, like long-term goals, if you really are in your later 20s, you're in your early 30s, what kind of life do you want to live? Because by then you do kind of know. I think in the hierarchy of things you can change that I would try to change. We'll talk about all of them,

but like cosmetic things like clothing and skincare, no problem. Even somebody is like standing in life, the type of job they have. You can give people suggestions. You know, I've dated people that I'm older than that I've probably professionally just been a little more experienced than them

and I give them suggestions. Emotionally is the last thing I want to take on if somebody just doesn't treat me well. Like I don't want to constantly be moving the goalpost every single day. Can you be nicer? Can you be more affectionate? Can you be, you know,

can you be nice to my friends? Can you want to be a part of my life? Those things, I don't think that we should have to beg people to treat us kindly. Never. And also, like, you know,

was this a person that, like, is a good person, but they, like, have trauma that they're taking out on you, which I have dealt with. Like,

that's somebody that needs to go to therapy and work on themselves and then be in a relationship. You know what I mean? But we'll get into that. I mean, let's just start. I want to say one last thing. I think if you feel like you're a woman who always does this, who always wants to look at a guy that you really want that like, quote, unquote, damaged guy because you want to fix him, like you should explore that and maybe you should explore

that in therapy. So we always say that with if it's a pattern, then maybe isn't the healthiest. And you feel like I can't not find this guy that I want to turn around and change. Then maybe you explore that and realize why you're doing that and work on that. So we'll leave it at that. Okay. So let's just start with the. easy stuff. We asked you guys what you want to change and how you've upgraded your partner. One of the number one things, we'll run through them later, but like really popped off about people's clothing, skincare routine, how they decorate their apartment. All the cosmetics are blue sheets, navy sheets. I dated a guy. I think we were two weeks into dating

and I had slept over there one time drunk and we were there in the daylight and I said, I'm not sleeping here until we can get you some new pillows. The pillows were probably from the 80s. They were brown on the inside. I was like, I will not lay my head on these pillows. We went to Target that day. But that wasn't an insult because it's your fucking pillows, who cares? I didn't look at your clothes and say, we need to change you before we date. It feels different because I still think this all needs to be approached with like, I care about not.

Well, I don't know. I think, well, let's talk about it. I want to talk about how you can change a man's clothes because there's a strategy. To me, there's a line between constantly roasting somebody picking on them. And picking a person to be like, I'm going to change everything about how you dress, and then just making some simple suggestions. Maybe you go shopping together all the time. You know, I think that, you know, I don't want to date a person at all that is just going to let me bulldoze them.

And I think you can sniff that out right away. I mean, listen, if that's who you want to date, then date that person. It's not for me. But the kind of person is going to let me be like, let's overhaul this whole thing. I don't even respect that person. Never, no. Like, never look at somebody and make them feel like we need to make you over. Also, there's so many different levels of, if we were talking about a woman making over a man,

there's so many different levels of that man's willingness. You know what I mean? Like, some guys are just sitting around waiting to be taken on as a project because they're like, I know I dress like shit. I look like shit. My hair looks like stupid. My nails are gross. My skin's gross.

Like waiting for those women to come along. Right. Some men really like the way they look. And it's insulting if you're like, we need to get you some new clothes. So I think that the approach is telling them when they look good, always. It's always done with compliments. Like that's how you get through to men is like positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement saying stuff like you look so hot, you look so sexy.

Like letting them know that you thought they were hot and sexy before. You know what I mean? Like yeah, they're wearing a short sleeve dress shirt. Oh my God. Nothing will drive my pussy up faster. So tell them when you like them in just a regular black t-shirt. I have nailed this. Like I would just pick those times when I felt like an ex of mine looked good and like really

make them feel good about it. And then I think taking them shopping is really great because some, guys really have no idea what they even look like in great fitting jeans, in the right types of shirt, the right type of shoes. I would always buy shoes for gifts, like for Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, like really like nice shoes. Like I remember going shopping with a guy once, I think just at the gap. And he was like, damn, I look good. I'm like, right. Like, why you were in a boot cut jeans? Okay, but sometimes you just like adopt like a homeless stray. Okay, he's been out of his mom's house for a long time. He's never had a long-term girlfriend.

He's never lived with a woman. He just doesn't know what he's doing. You walk into some men's houses. My brother had like had a bookshelf that he was using as the only decor in his living room and he had like a 20 inch television for his whole living room. And his wife like walked in there and just fixed it. Some men never decorated their homes. They've never dressed themselves. And it's just like they're open to you to it.

They're open to it 100%. I think the difference is like are you emasculating somebody by doing this or not. You know, are you telling them I hate your bootcut jean you look stupid? But I love what you said about just saying like this is how you look sexy. Like I saw my guy and like a pair of joggers the other day. and I was like, you look so hot, do that more. Do just wear that more. T-shirt joggers every day.

Yes. I remember a guy I was dating, like, he just had on like a white t-shirt and I was like, you look sexy. Like he was good looking and he was like, this is like an undershirt. I'm like, you look good to me. Like, you look sexy. You look like James Dean. Like you're just rocking like a t-shirt, like better than the polo you were wearing.

Like I just feel like I had to always done gently, always with compliments. Like they'll start to pick up on it. I mean, like clothes and shoes. hair, I mean, you got a guy that's going to super cuts, great clips, whatever, like, recommend the great barber. I did that too. I don't know a lot of this. Like, there was this great hair salon, salon, barbershop, whatever, in Atlanta that was

like just such a great experience for men. Like, men that have never, that have only gone to great clips that you send them to one of those places where they do the shave and they make them feel pampered and there's like a pool table in the background, they're serving whiskey. Like, they're going to be like, you changed my life. 100%. The hair situation is the first thing that you can change because you present an experience to them. Yeah. Present an experience.

Okay. And then the clothing should be the second easiest thing because you just keep telling them. You just cripple them with compliments about every single thing that they look good. And like you should be building up your man all the time and set or your partner, whether it's your female partner or your male partner or whatever, however you identify. I think you should be building up your partner all the time so that when you make these suggestions, it's not like, God damn it. They're always fucking picking on me. It's just another fucking thing they're saying. Exactly.

You know, it should just, I think it should be done with kindness that the hardest thing, I think when you're not living with a man is changing his like interior, like his decor. And don't. And also don't do that too soon. Like don't dedicate a bunch of any of this. Don't go. Just enjoy yourselves and who you are before each other came along for a minute. Because you're providing a lot of value.

Make sure you're getting it in return. Stamp out your true self. Pretend to be agreeable. No, I'm just saying like, I want to make sure I like somebody. They like me back. We're both bringing value to each other's lives before I start getting in there and interior decorating, but the pillows thing that had to happen soon. I'm glad that you read up how long to wait because I think that like no one wants to hear

from their new partner. I want you to start changing all this stuff. Unless it's pillows. Because you got to put your head on that. Don't fuck in there. Okay. I mean, day one, I'm bringing up the pillows.

But I don't know what's to feel like their partner is picking on them and I don't think it's a good recipe. I think it sets up a really bad dynamic. If they just start letting you do that really early, then you just bulldoze them. If you bring the stuff up and they're like, fuck her. Like she's already picking on. me. I've known her for five minutes. Like, yeah. Give it a minute, guys.

Yeah, I have a friend, their friends, a couple. They are married. I can't even describe to you, Raina. He is so well-dressed. He is like a fashionista. He's a really attractive guy. I've never known him in not tailored clothing,

great shoes, great hair, perfectly groomed at all times. And for his, I'm friends with his wife. And when she shows photos of when first started dating, you'd be shocked. Baggy khakis, oversized polo, just nasty shoes, didn't know what he was doing. She got in there and like with love

and she made him realize how good he looked. You know what I mean? Like that's part of it. It's like you're fucking hot. I want to fuck you no matter what. In those dad khakis and those cargo shorts, cargo shorts came up a lot. But a lot.

Let's show you how good you look. Okay, there's nothing more than I love on a man starts telling you how their woman upgraded that. But he's like, she just, she got me out a whole new train. I love when a man loves that. Because to me, that's like a confident man that he can laugh about it. He laugh at himself.

He thinks it's funny. He used to wear cargo shorts and then you came in and changed his life. Yes. I gave him a skincare routine. There's nothing easier than buying gifts for somebody. It's loving. It's kind. If you just like improve somebody's life by buying them some fucking lotion.

I know. And a lot of that can just be done leading by example. Like I've had guys that were in the bathroom, you know, first of all, you're floss in day one. I'll get in there day one and tell you that you're going to floss now. I ask people day one. D floss. Yeah, and if you don't, you do now. So, but sometimes they're just like, what are you doing there? What do you, like, one of my exes is always like, what are you doing there? What's this toner?

You know, like, what are you like, what do you wipe it on your face with cotton balls? I'm like, do you want to try it? Like, I was so slick with like, this little like make you feel great. His face tangled. He was like every night he did toner. He's a full bone skin career routine now. Also, I always start with sunscreen. Do not come home from a little golf trip with your friends sunburn. Grow up. I will text you. Did you put sunscreen on? I will not have a man I'm dating. Be out. here with a sunburn. Grow up, Brennan. I could not care less if somebody gets a son.

I will tell you. I don't get it. I know you do. You don't like it. We were on a boat once. You were just faced in the sun. I was like, Raina. You did.

Don't you come crying to me when you feel like you're aging. Because I will bring this up. I'm going to look 12 years old forever. I think that there is just nothing. Get them a subscription plan. Sign them up for stuff. Buy them gifts. Lead by example.

It's so easy to just like. slowly give them better habits and then their lives are better. They look better. They like it. Yes. They never knew about a moisturizer. He never knew about non-supercuts. And there's so much stuff like it's really like Rob, for example, this is my best guy friend.

He's a close friend of ours. Like Rob wasn't super into all this stuff when he was in his 20s, I'm sure. But now he is like all those man products and he's got all like the whatever, Moulson Brown, all that shit. He's got great hair products. Like you get into it and you like taking care of yourself. my brother's the same way. Like he just likes feeling good, taking care of himself.

It's kind of fun to like get that stuff in the mail or whatever. They like that stuff too. I mean, if they absolutely don't, if this guy doesn't give a fuck, if he's like, I don't care what my clothes look like. I don't care about this stuff. Please stop. Then you need to take the hint and realize if that's somebody that you want to be with. Because some guys are like, I cannot tell you how little the fuck I give.

I'm like this rugged mountain man and you need to stop like trying to change me. And then you do need to take a beat and be like, okay. this is a non-negotiable, do I want to be with this person? So I don't know at the end of the day that I would be like dying to date a man that didn't care about his appearance at all, didn't care about his home, the cleanliness of his home, the cleanliness of his teeth, the way that he smelled. Like, hygiene is something that personal hygiene and the cleanliness of your home is very important to me. I don't care if you dumb decor and you posters around the house, I'll fix that in time. But yeah, that's probably not a person for me because that's a person honestly that I don't think respects themselves in society.

You know, you don't want to be clean. You don't want your home to be clean. Like that's probably not my person. Girls, if it's your person, you don't give a shit, go off. But I like going over there and it's not, it doesn't get my pussy all wet to go to somebody's apartment. It's disgusting. And the pillows are brownly's mouth.

Right. And that can change a little bit. But like, if you really just, you don't care that you live in filth, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I guess if you're really in the frat house, you're, you're really like under 23. Like you maybe get a little bit more of a pass. You like came from the frat house. Now you live in an apartment.

You guys party all the time. Like it's going to be a little gross. but like if you're past that stage and you're living in filth, I don't think we're gonna be a match. I'm talking about men. Yeah, I'm not talking about like kids. Like, yeah, obviously also like when you're younger,

you don't have money for things like a maid, like somebody to come over and clean. I'm not judging that, but there's splatters all over the kitchen. You're not flossinging. You're not brushing twice a day. That toilet has the ring always. Oh my God.

If you're, if I go over to your bathroom and there was hair covering the sink, what are you doing? I mean, I'll make funny until you change that. But what are you doing? What are you doing? How does it happen?

I don't. I don't, I mean, I shave every part of my body and nothing looks like that. Well, you're in the shower when you do it. Okay, there's no point. These guys just, they go rogue. They just are like in the bathroom, just hair everywhere. They just see it go everywhere and they're like, I'm just going to leave this like it is. Like, what kind of animal?

I don't understand it. Like, it just take a paper towel. I don't get it. I don't fucking get it. Let's talk about diet and exercise. Lifestyle. This is tricky. Mm-hmm.

Because I feel like I have. made mistakes with this before. Like you can get them to eat healthier. You know, I think you see it all the time and just naturally start eating a little bit healthier when they have a woman around. I've always heard that from guys like, I eat more vegetables now. We, you know, I don't eat takeout every night. She cooks, yada yada. Like, we cook together and, um, introducing them to like workout classes and stuff like that. But if someone just really has no interest, like don't go down that road. You know what I mean? If you see someone that like eats like total garbage and they never work out and you do and you're, that's important to you, fitness and health are important to you. It can work 100%. But

don't go into it thinking like, I'm going to turn this guy around because that can go bad. I think for every one of these things, I think you've got to ask yourself, do they want this? Are they capable of this? And does this serve me or them? Because if the answer is like, no, they're not capable of it. And we'll talk about, you know, finances and career and things like that. But if they don't care about the way they eat and their diet, we're going to heckle a person for rest their lives. Like, that's probably just not your person. Yeah. I mean, I didn't really discover like group fitness classes. till I was like later in my 20s and that changed my whole life.

So you can always change everything. You can change your diet. You can change your body. You can change your view on fitness and what you do for fitness. It can always change, but it does have to be something you want to do. So I think you see that go wrong sometimes when you're like some, in this woman, for example, is like he eats like shit. I was fine like McDonald's bags in his car and he doesn't ever want to work out.

It's like he's going to have to want to do that. So just that and you're going to have to make that decision if you're like okay with it. I just, I see this a lot. I see the diet thing a lot. I do too and I think that when I think about dating apps I think we all try to like cast a wide net when I see people's profiles and it's like I like to travel. I like to try new restaurants and I think the people trying to cast wide net to find a lot of people and I would suggest sort of doing the opposite. If there's a couple of things that are really important to you have. I like to stay home five nights we cook vegan food and I love to bike on the weekends like Rob loves to bike. If that is like your top top top thing I think you should write that and I think that like at the beginning stages you should bring that up because like for me personally like I cook sometimes but I'll like while out at a restaurant. and I'm probably not working out at, you know, 10 a.m. these excursions every weekend. If that's something that somebody wants, I'm not your girl. And I don't want to be heckled about it. Yeah, we, 100%. Like, we talked to Rob about that. Like, that was on his list. Like, we just

keep bringing him up this whole episode. That he definitely wanted a woman that would cycle with him. He found one and great. But I mean, it was kind of like, he knew that's what he wanted. He knew it was a part of his life. And I think that it's tricky, you know, because I do think that if you're really in a relationship, your kind of lifestyles can kind of meld together and it can be really great. And you can talk to this guy. He was like, oh my God, I used to just be such a piece of shit. And this woman came along. And now I really enjoy being fit. I really enjoy being healthy. But if you're like a standstill, don't just push somebody. It's just going to push them away. 100%. Yeah. Okay, sex.

Sex. I mean, we have a lot of episodes where we talk about, you know, can you change your partner? I mean, I would absolutely suggest, not constantly bring it up, but always talking to your partner about what you like in bed, what you enjoy. I dated somebody who just wasn't a sexual person at all, and he communicated that to me, and I wasn't going to keep pushing him. Ultimately, I decided that wasn't my person. You know, he wasn't like a huge initiator of sex.

He didn't seem to really enjoy sex that much. There was only so many conversations I could have with that person where I said, I want you to have pleasure, and I want you to enjoy this, and I find you sexy, and I'm turned on by you, and how can we have a better sex life together before you just cut your losses, you know? And I think the end of every one of these things is like,

do I stick it out or I cut my losses? And the sex thing, you guys just might not be, align sexually. We have a lot of episodes where we talk about that, but next week we will in depth. But for me, I would always try to make it better, suggest new things, bring toys into the mix, bring porn, talk about what you guys both enjoy and frame it in like, I want us both to have a lot of fun. Yeah. If they can't, if they don't enjoy sex, if they shame you, sex at least to me, is a pretty important part of a relationship and it makes me feel close to somebody. If they're not going to do that, for me, probably I'm out. Right. I mean, all I got to say is like if a man is good at

sex. He knows what the fuck he's doing. He knows where the clit is. You better thank the woman before you. That's all I'm saying. That's what we're out here doing. We're just improving them for the next one. Like, yes, the guy that like I dated in college at the end of college, like wasn't great at sex, but like by the year five of us kind of going back and forth, he'd improved for sure. He was like eating pussy like a champ. Like I could get him to talk a little bit. I mean, we were on and awful this years. But like, and there was another girl in the mix. Maybe she did some legwork for me. But like, if you're really young, Like, you can learn together, you know.

But of course, I co-assign everything you said. And we'll talk about this next week in depth with Ian Kerner. We can't wait for an episode. We have a sex episode for you guys. All I'm saying is like, yes, you can improve somebody's sex game. If they're willing, if they're open. And if someone's good at sex, that's because the women before them taught them. I dated a guy, a comedian for a little bit here.

And I saw his a bit that he did that was very funny, how he was like, every woman. This isn't like a hot take, but like every woman like likes something different. front of bed. You're always just trying to learn. This girl is getting choked, but the girl after her might not. So, like, guys are always constantly, like, learning. But hopefully, when you are dating someone and they're, you know, older and you're like, yeah, I like being choked. Like, they've already done it with somebody else that liked it.

So, like, they know what they're doing because of a woman before. I just, all I need is a willingness to try in the bedroom. I just want somebody that's open to it that's excited about my pleasure and their pleasure. and I can train somebody in the bedroom, no problem. Yes. And every time if you're a young woman and you're teaching a young guy, how to find a clit, how to eat pussy, how to touch your vagina, you're doing the Lord's work and you should pat yourself in the back.

And someone else is going to benefit. If you don't end up with them, you're doing this for your sisters. I can't stress it up. Circle of life. Okay. For me, the hardest thing to change, the hardest thing to decide when to walk away, et cetera, is emotional changes, whether you're trying to convince them to go to therapy or you're trying to convince them to be personally, emotionally different. And we've all dated that person where like,

it really hurts to date them, but it also hurts to let them go. And you're like, I don't know which thing to focus on. Like, I will be in so much pain if I stay in this relationship and I keep trying and I keep batting my head against the wall. But the thought of losing them is so painful to me too. And I don't know, at the end of the day, I would rather cut my losses and deal with like short-term pain, the long-term pain because there's things that you can't ever change. And one thing I think about it in terms of emotionally is like if you're heckling your partner to be a different person emotionally, if you want them to be more. The person that I dated that was also not sexually that excited.

Yeah, you have a great example of this. We talked about this in the Love Languages episode. He just wasn't like very like, there's not a lot of verbal affirmations. He never said he was proud of me. He's never said, I look pretty. He never said like, I appreciate these things you've done. And he will tell you we broke up because he didn't tell me I was pretty enough. But like, there was no verbal affirmations ever.

and it got exhausting and it made me start withholding verbal affirmations from him. And there was only so many times I could say to this person. I want you to try harder. I want you to be different before you have to just like stop basing on a person all the time. Right. You're not a match with everybody. Absolutely. And I don't think it's fair also to constantly tell somebody you're not enough and you're not good enough.

And if somebody is not committed to being, I mean, if they're emotionally harming you, that sucks and walk away. But if somebody's just not your person, like that's okay too. And I don't think that it's emotionally healthy for you to just. keep trying to change a person. It's probably just not your person. If they're not committed to treating you kindly, or it's like you said, like, if this person didn't, you said this like, you said it a few times over the years. Like, they didn't love me the way that I want to be loved. They didn't treat me the way I want to be treated. Then that's enough and enough of reason to walk

away because there are billions of people in this world and probably someone else will love you. Absolutely the way you want to be. Yeah. I think there's such a spectrum of this. Like, which depends on what we're talking about. We can't give completely overarching advice for all this. I mean, if someone has a lot of trauma that they need to deal with that is affecting them in such a deep way or they are potentially taking out on you, this may be a situation in which they need to be on their own and deal with this before they enter into a relationship. That being said, if it's a person that you love so deeply, they love you back, there's a lot of good there, you can try it. You can try them going to therapy. I did this. I went to therapy

and my partner went to therapy at the same time in tandem, you can try. Like, I don't think you should throw away a relationship where there's a lot of love. Like, you can work on it inside the relationship. It just may or may not work out, but a person has to be willing. Like, I mean, if you are out here screaming,

banging your head against a wall, you need to go to therapy and that person is resisting. Like, this is not a good situation. And so I just think maybe, like, that's ultimately maybe not be a match. And maybe it would be five years from now. but at that point, maybe this person has some work to do and they're not really willing to do it

and you might have to call it. And I think on the lighter side, if someone doesn't quote unquote need therapy, I think we can all about it from therapy. Let me be like very clear. But if it's just some things like the love languages, for example, like maybe they never knew about that. Maybe they read it and it changes their life for the better.

I had a ex read that book and it changed our whole relationship. He's the guy that I made them pinotas for and he ate my pussy that night. Like whatever, he read the book or he skimmed it. But like, we understood each other more. And so sometimes it's just a matter of opening their eyes and enlightening them, giving them an article or something to read, like just better communicating. Like, if you come across a guy that knows the love languages, thank his ex-girlfriend. I can't say it enough.

Like, we're all, I'm going to stop saying it. But, like, that stuff, some of that stuff is really fixable and treatable. And it's just kind of fixable and treatable. Like, it's a disease. But, like, opening them up to things, you know, I think that we all benefit. in relationships of our partner making us more empathetic. I remember being with somebody or my family was just like, you just seem kind of like happier and like more patient. Like I've always been kind of like really more like an impatient kind of person. He said it seemed more relaxed. You know, like people can

just make you better by being in their presence. So it just there's just such a spectrum of it. But are they willing? Do they want to do this thing and how deep is that quote unquote help you think that they need? Absolutely. And I, you know, I think that like the common thing to say is you can't change a person. I don't know that I believe that. I don't want to date somebody that fundamentally I need to or want to change them. But I think if you meet somebody and there's a lot of good here, the stuff about changing your sex lives or just sort of like explaining to them what you need and seeing if they can give it to you, no one's a perfect person.

You know, I want to meet somebody that's funny and smart and cool and fun, nice to my friends. And not every person's going to know exactly what you need and can read exactly the inside of your mind what you want. I think if there's a lot of good here and somebody wants to make you happy, I absolutely encourage you to have those discussions with somebody. and if somebody seems like they're going through a lot of trauma, there's nothing wrong with suggesting that they go to therapy. You know, I think that you should just know one to cut your losses.

And I think it's painful to love somebody, like I said, and feeling them would hurt and staying would hurt. But I would always encourage you to have the conversations. I don't think you can change a person at their core, but you can slowly explain to somebody I need these things and give them the opportunity to give them to you. Absolutely. And again, like I said, are you banging your head against a wall?

Are you trying so hard like this and this, like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? give it up, you know? At some point, you know? Like, I've seen girls that just need a little more emotionally from their boyfriends and their boyfriends aren't going to do it. And I've watched them together and I've watched them be disrespected and laughed at and sort of poked fun of by their boyfriends.

And it's one thing if you say to somebody I need to communicate differently, but it's another thing if they just, if they are never going to give you what you need emotionally, that's fine too. There are other people in this world that will. And we saw a lot of responses. We'll get to these at the end of like, I got my, you know, now husband into therapy. Like, they're married now. They're doing great. You know, this isn't somebody, because you feel

like someone has some trauma or they have some things to work on, perhaps with a professional, doesn't mean that it can't work out. You know what I mean? Like, we're not all perfect. We're all works in progress. So I'm at the point, again, like, at my age where I'm really not seeking someone out. I want somebody that's done a little bit of work. You know what I mean? My favorite example of that is Casey and Courtney, who we had on the show, who were now married a couple years ago we had them on in the summertime and they are a couple who talked about that they went to therapy to learn how to just communicate

better and they were like there's a lot of love here we're just not hearing each other and they graduated from therapy and they're married now and I think that like if that's the issue like they're just not hearing me go to therapy there's nothing wrong with suggesting it at all especially if you're going to volunteer to go too. Yeah that's the thing too

what is the issue here and then do you want to go we talked about this with Nedra like do you need to pull the trigger first and go see work through this with somebody too. Like, it doesn't hurt. If it's, therapy's not the answer. There's an arsenal of information, podcast, books to provide you information, you and your partner. 100%. One of the things I think, well, I had a really serious problem with this in a relationship, but it ultimately ended it. The hardest thing, I think, to change because you can really insult

somebody and you are really asking them to sort of fundamentally change who they are is career and money and just sort of like the type of life they see from themselves. And, you know, can you ask somebody to change jobs, make more money, how do you gently encourage them? Because that is probably the most emasculating, I think, to tell somebody like, you just don't have the type of career that I like. And I probably, I mean, I wouldn't date somebody at this age that didn't. I wouldn't date somebody today that, like, didn't have the lifestyle that I wanted them to have. And I read this great quote from Mark Manson, was on our show years ago, so I want to credit him for it. But he said, you can't make somebody change. You can inspire them to change.

You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change, but you cannot make them change. I love that. I love it. And I thought that, to give an example, the person I was engaged to just changed jobs like every six months. He was totally miserable all the time. He was depressed. He would find a job. It wouldn't work out. And I was constantly being like, okay, let's look for jobs. Let's write a resume. Let's write a cover letter. Let's talk about how to negotiate a salary. And I think he felt tremendously emasculated by it. I think I was suggesting that he maybe live a certain lifestyle that he didn't want to live. And it backfired tremendously on me. Because even though it came from so much love and it came from me being older than him and just having

more experience in that field, it just made him look at me and say, why is she trying to make me this person that I don't even want to be? You know, I... Right. He didn't want to. He didn't want to. Yeah, you were trying to force it on him, kind of. Yeah, because he looked unhappy. And so I thought, here's this thing that makes me happy. And nine to five makes me happy and more money makes me happy and career success. I think he just wanted to be a bartender. And that's what made him happy is having a little bit of career stability, a flexible schedule. Did he do you? He's just wanted to didn't care about having money that much. And he didn't communicate that to me. And when he broke up with me, I remember he said to me, you tried to force me to do all these things. And I failed

at them and it's your fault because I never would have tried to do those things if it wasn't you. And that's not a person that's secure. That's a person who needs to go therapy. You know, that's a person that should have told you from day one. I'm not doing this. But it backfired really hard because I was doing the work. And these were my dreams, not his. And it sucked for both of us. It was really painful. Yeah, I love the quote about, like, you can inspire someone to do the work. You can help them out. I mean, I think that like this stuff can just sometimes happen naturally in a relationship. I dated someone that once we started date, I feel like he wanted to be better. I was just there. I wasn't pushing. I wasn't doing anything. I think he naturally wanted to do more and be better and kind of grow up a little bit. And he did. And I helped a lot. And I was happy to do it. And I, my take on it was like, I thought that he was so, so brilliant and so talented. And like, I feel like maybe saw some stuff in him that maybe he didn't see. And a lot of that was just like building that person up that you care about, that you see in them and like being willing to help because that's your partner. And maybe like

you're getting something out of it too. You know, like I've dated guys who were comedians and I've helped them out, but I felt like it was reciprocal. I felt like we're both helping each other for jokes. We're doing this. We're doing that. I don't want to give, give, give and not be getting anything in return. It doesn't need to be that I'm helping you with career stuff and I'm getting career stuff in return, but like feeling like the relationship is reciprocal and you're not just like giving and giving and helping this person and lifting them up and like, what are you getting out of it? My question is, are you feeling like if, can this person do the stuff on your own and you're just helping or are they leaning on you completely? You know what I mean? Like, are you just

kind of like lifting them up, tweaking things here and there, lending your expertise if you have it? Or do you feel like the weight of their future is on your shoulders? Absolutely. And I'm not saying I felt like that, but that's the differentiator to me. I thought this person was brilliant and hardworking and was willing to help him. I didn't feel like the weight of his future was on my shoulders and that's the difference. Yeah, because you shouldn't be responsible for somebody's actions, their emotions, their life going forward. I think you love somebody and you want to help them and making suggestions of, hey, I did this thing. It worked really well or I failed.

Here's something different. They have to want the change to be their own. And so I want to make it clear to somebody, you know, I love you. I would love you no matter what the situation was. I started dating you in this situation. You can stay in a situation if you want. If you want to change, you've expressed to me or unhappy, here are some things I might do.

But I think that people need to make the change their own. And so I would take a little bit of time before I started doing it for them or anything like that. I want somebody to want to change and be capable of that change. And then if it doesn't work out, not resent me. Because I've tried to push them into doing something that was none of my business to do to begin with. Yeah. And we, Rain and I've talked about doing a whole episode on this. Unlike, I mean, we're going to, the working.

title is, what is it? How to Not Date a Luser? Or something like that. We've talked about like, is this person just lacking like total ambition, work ethic, etc. You know, or do they just not, they need a little push here and there, like whatever, because there are people who, no matter what you do, they just kind of want to bounce around. They just want to live a different type of lifestyle than you do. And that's no shade at all. Like we have a friend, for example, who was dating this guy. And, you know, he was just, he was working in the service industry. And he, he liked that. And she, you know, she asked him, like, what do you, what do you see for yourself? He was in his 30s, you know, this wasn't like he was out of college, you know, just working and

paid the bills. And she was like, what do you see for yourself long term? And he was like, I'll, you know, probably to work at the restaurant forever. You know, people work there. It's a well-known restaurant. People work there their whole lives till they're in their 60s. Totally honorable. This is not, it just, it wasn't for her, you know? I think she wants somebody that has some big goals. She has big goals and they, I mean, they were mismatches in other ways too, but she wants someone that wants to travel the world. And this was someone that was just like, no, you know, I don't really leave the state a lot. You know, I don't have a passport. I want to work at this restaurant forever. And I cannot stress this enough that like, if that makes you happy,

do it. But she had to decide, like, maybe that person isn't for me. They don't have the same type of like goals and dreams I do long term. So again, when you're young, it's a little bit different, but I mean, if this is someone that you're thinking about a long-term career and you are just like, I feel like I'm just like trying to mold them into this type of person that they may not be, like you have to assess it on your own. Right. Capability for sure. And I mean, the restaurant is, you know, I'm not, I mean, I've worked in restaurants my whole life.

Of course. I'm not a hamry restaurants. You know, it might just boil down to like, I don't want to date somebody that works nice and weekends. I want to travel. I want to go to weddings and birthday parties. I, the person I'm talking about was a bartender. I went to every wedding alone, every holiday alone.

I went to birthday parties alone. It sucked. I fucking hated it. And he's married now. to someone that obviously is, it works with. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, it's just like, it's not always a match.

And I mean, I've dated guys who had solid careers who had nothing to do with mine and that felt great. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't really want to feel responsible to help someone in their career and I don't want someone to feel like that about me. So I just, I want to support them. I want to make them feel good about themselves. And if that naturally gets them going, I mean, I think that in a really solid relationship

when a really solid foundation, like both people thrive. And so, you know, a beautiful relationship, like romantic relationship can help both partners like really, really thrive. But it can go really badly when one person's pushing. And I mean, we're really kind of talking to the women here in, in hetero relationships, but this applies across the board. And I've seen so many men upgrade. I hate to say upgrade about women. Men glow up their partners. Like even in the clothing department, I know a couple that he just was like, she can't dress. She doesn't care about it. She's been an athlete her whole life. She's fucking gorgeous. Her

body's hot. She started picking out some clothes for her. She changed her whole wardrobe. She looks great. Stunning. Knockout. I can't say it enough. Like the job stuff, I've seen that happen. But I've also seen it go badly too. We have a guy friend super successful guy. He was dating this girl. He thought she was kind of a loser. She just quit her job. She moved into his place. He felt like she was kind of free loading. And he kept trying. He kept setting her resume out. He kept really pushing her. And she didn't want to. She ended up moving to Texas. I think she like works. She's a trainer of some sort. Like he kept trying to fit that square peg in that round hole. And I'm talking about that from the other side. It doesn't work no matter what. Yep. And my advice to everybody of every gender, every sexuality is just pick somebody who

fundamentally is who you want them to be. And so that it is not some huge project. And I think it is fine to ask in the first couple dates, do you want kids? Do you want to get married? You can ask somebody how they feel about money and where they want to live. And I would get these things out of the way early on to ask them such a serious way. But, you know, all the things we talk about, things. If all you care about in life is marrying a rich man, the date a rich man. I just, I don't, don't date a waiter that you hope to God, you can change their whole lives and turn them into the richest man in the world. I think we should be picking people that fundamentally already live a life that we are proud to be with them. And if you improve them the way they can

improve your life, great. Mm-hmm. 100%. Thank you. Now go off. And now let's talk about the thing, I feel like everybody wants to discuss the tragedy of you upgrade a man completely and he moves on and he leaves you and you break up and he dates somebody else. Ashley was talking to cycle of life. Circle of life. Here, listen to this. So, okay, so this, Beyonce has a song about this. Ring the alarm. If you guys are familiar. It's on the B-Day album. Ring the alarm. It's a whole thing of like Beyonce seeing her man with this new girl and she's ringing the alarm. And one line is like she's going to profit everything I taught.

But, you know, like, I read the lyrics. I mean, I know the lyrics, like, when the song comes on, but I was like, that's the line that stuck out to me. Like, someone else is going to profit up everything that you did. It comes right after Upgrade You on the album. So the album is, like, the transition of Upgrade You to Ring the Alarm. So Beyonce literally outlines this on one of her greatest album. Oh, they're all great. I didn't realize this.

I know. Of course you knew about the progression of the album. Well, of course, I knew Upgrade You, obviously. And of course, I knew Ring the Alarm. But I was like, I had an inkling this morning that they. were back to back on BDay and sure enough. So Beyonce's dealt with this. Listen, if Beyonce's dealt with this,

I will tell you my experience with this is that my man that I was talking about who like, you know, he didn't give any verbal affirmations and things like that. Him and he just wasn't the right match for me. We stayed friends. And him and I were talking about his current girlfriend. He was like, you know, I remembered about what you said that I didn't give any verbal affirmations and I do try to tell her that she's pretty and I'm proud of her.

And it was nice for me to hear, honestly, that like he took those things that I asked of him and actually identified that it was a pattern and a problem. him and was trying to make it better. Because, I mean, I guess ultimately he wasn't a good match for me, so I don't feel so devastated and heartbroken. Like, I am almost glad that I, like, gave him some tools to be better in the next relationship because that wasn't my person. And he's a nice guy.

You're friends with him still. You know what I mean? I mean, I just think that naturally women upgrade men, I mean, it goes both ways, but we've talked about that mostly here, like just by nature, whether they mean to or not. I think it naturally happens and naturally breakups happen. So this situation is going to happen all the fucking time. And if you really turn someone's life around, turn them into a quote unquote better person and they break up with you and find somebody else, it fucking sucks. But Beyonce's dealt with it and she made songs about it.

And she's fine. And so like that's actually advice. I feel like I really did help turn someone's life around in every aspect. And we broke up. And I would say, I mean, we broke up a million times. Like I would say the finality of it was me, I guess, breaking. up. Whatever. I can just say it was a mutual breakup, but I don't regret

it. I mean, this isn't even someone I speak to you to this day, but like, I don't regret it. That was someone I loved and cared about. I'm not like, I changed his life and now he's with someone else. I'm sure she's a great person and you're welcome, sis. Uh-huh. I do know what you mean. Listen, I think he'd be disappointed to be like, I got him new clothing and I happened to get a new job and I encourage him,

but I would try to remember all the reasons you guys broke up and I promise you, it's probably not just a couple things that you had to change about him. Like maybe you guys are a bad match. Like this guy I'm talking about, we're a bad match for 15 different reasons. It wasn't just a couple emotional things. And so, yeah, I think I changed him emotionally and gave him some tools.

But like ultimately there was a million reasons why we broke up. And even if he fixed a couple of those things, I still wouldn't be with them. Right. And if you're doing this stuff and you feel like you're really getting in there and you're glowing this guy up and you're upgrading him, again, like I said, don't do this right out of the gate. Like, feel secure. You feel like you're getting something in return.

Like if you feel like you're changing a man's life, like hopefully he's changing yours for the better too. Why is this one sided in the first place? I mean, the ex that I'm speaking of, I feel like he changed my life too. Yeah. You know, like I feel like he's responsible for a multitude of things. I don't need to go down that row. But like I feel like it was reciprocal. Like even though there was toxicity there and some, you know, ugly breakups, like we both came out of that way better people. He sent me a text long after we had broken up and said, you have been the most impactful person in my entire life. And I was like, you've obviously impacted my life for the better too. So look at that way too. You know what I mean? Like you shouldn't be in a

relationship where you're not getting anything out of it and they're not making you a better person but somehow you're changing their life. What the fuck is that? Right. They're a project and you get nothing out of it. You're like fun. You're not a perfect person. You're totally right. None of us are. You're totally right. Every relationship we should grow from it and we should come out being a different person and like you grow up and you change. And it's like, I don't know. You helped that person. They helped you a little bit and we move on. Right. Like oh, you changed his genes, but maybe he gave you more empathy. So he did more for you. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I've gotten out relationships where I always referenced this one guy. And I mean, clearly I still had a lot of

work to do after him. But I mean, he broke up with me. I think I was like 27. And he said some shit that was hard to hear about kind of the way that he felt in our relationship, the way I made him feel some of the things I did. And I was like, God bless that guy. I'm so much better for the next one, you know. And sometimes women feel like we leave men better than we found them. And the opposite, to, you know, men kind of wreck women. And that's, that can be true too. But at the end of the day, like, oh, we all learn something. I think we're always better for it. I think that you're right. Also, like, a romantic partner can change you in a way. A friend never will. They can say things to you that are, they know you in a different way, you know. And so, good from that relationship. And Ashley and always say, if you're like so mad after a breakup, we always say, like, make a pros and cons list. Look at the cons and just remember those bad things and why you guys aren't together anymore and move on. And I think that more than anything, now we're going down a totally different path, but fuck it while we're here. Like I think that women are so good at creating out of heartbreak. Like I always, what's the quote is take your broken heart, take your broken heart,

turn it into art. And I think like we wouldn't have this podcast without the breakups. We wouldn't have thank you next without Ariana and Pete. Like we wouldn't have, we wouldn't have B-Day without Beyonce and whatever. Like women take the stuff and they turn it around and they make it positive for themselves. And like we always have those guys to thank for it. So yeah, they dress better. but like we're fucking successful and rich.

We built this podcast on their fucking backs. We built this podcast on their back. Thank you. Thank you guys. My ex is married to somebody and I thank him every day in my dreams for leaving me. I did want to, we are going to do like a really fun listener. I wanted to suggest two more episodes for you guys to check out because people did say stuff about can you change somebody's friends and like what if I just hate their hobbies and shit like that. So there's two episodes Ashley and I like a lot.

What about their friends was from April 2018 where we just talk about like your man's friends. and are we too different from June 2020? Oh yeah, are we too different? That's a great one. That was a great one. So, like, that was more about, like, if we have different lifestyles, hobbies, use on politics, use on religion, can I change that? And then years ago, we also did one.

I didn't write it down about drinking habits and things like that, which we can revisit. That was early on in 2018, too. Yeah. And the religion, the politics, like, we did address it on, are we too different? But we see that happen all the time, too. Like, a lot of, all that, all you need there. is like open-mindedness.

You know what I mean? If you're dating someone that never really thought about some of these things in the world and they're willing to sit down and watch the 13th or they're willing to read these articles, like we saw a lot of that

and that's just nothing but positivity and you're both willing to like talk about this stuff together and it's just it's about being an open-minded person. If you have someone that's absolutely willing, not willing to look at the world in a different way and they shut you down. Like maybe that's not your person either. But we saw a lot of like,

I've helped him see the world a different way, which is great. Yeah. So, you know, in closing, just find somebody that's open-minded to, you know, being a stronger unit together. So you can literally mold them into the first. I'm just kidding. Okay. So we asked our followers in Instagram, how did you upgrade someone? They were overwhelming number of responses, but they were just so great. I'm going to just run through a few of

these. All right. I bought him oven mitts because he used Nike socks before. What did he have fourth degree burns on his hand? Like, can you imagine pulling out a hot pan and a sock? This is my favorite, like, you go to a man's apartment and like, what the fuck is in there? It's so crazy because the next girl that guy dates is going to be like his oven midgame is fucking tight. I mean, my 73-year-old dad uses like old t-shirts to take step out of the oven. Okay. His credit score, I helped get it to 700.

A year later, he proposed with a ring that was fully paid off. I love that. But, okay, got him to finally start brushing his teeth twice a day. That's what I'm doing with Azul. It says, LOL does making him buy a bed frame count. I cannot stress enough upgrading the whole bed situation. Get in there. Got his ass to go to therapy, all caps.

Another girl says, I gave him Angela Davis books and made this Georgia boy wildly progressive, just like we said, it can happen. Skin care boy wasn't even using moisturizer before me. Amen. Some of them don't even know what that is. she says, I took his V card, fully upgraded his dick game, and changed his entire wardrobe, and redecorated throughout 90% of his stuff and then moved in. Is that not Hannah Burner and Des?

On our Hannah and Des episode. I got a dumpster. And he was like, that is not what happened. He's like, I'm an adult, Hannah. I didn't have posters on the wall. You went into my Hampton's house. Where were you living with your mom? I was like, we got a dumpster outside that Hampton's house.

Okay. Do you want to do some? Yeah. eyebrows, clothes, personality. Mama always told me to leave them better than I found them. What did she change about his personality though? I'd love to know. This being,

finally got a 26-year-old to stop getting bull cuts. I'm a saint for a dating bull cut guy, I know. That is so true. Like, some guy is out there with like a bowl cut or a butt cut, and no one's like helping him out. And she still fucked him. What an angel. It's like a Make-O-Wish Foundation project.

Showing what a clitoris is. And I don't think there's a better upgrade to be had. Yeah. Show him how to get you off. Okay. Introduced him to a world of restaurants that are not chains and got his ass a passport. I love that. Got him to stop skipping leg day.

She's like, I like your body, but I hate your legs. He didn't even have furniture in the house when I met him. I just pictured a friend. Didn't they sit on friends? They had a canoe. I went to a guy's house. He had a canoe. I mean,

in the canoe in the living room. That doesn't shock me. How many guys do you go over there? They have like bleacher seats in the, the living room. They still have like a strundle bed. Folding tailgate chairs. But in the office, Steve Carly, he's like, how do

even feel about a futon? Okay. And then finally got him to separate shampoo, conditioner, and body wash instead of three and one. Listen, if you're a guy that uses a three and one, go off. I don't even know that exists. A three and one? It's for everything. You know I called

the J&J vaccine. That's the three and one for men. Like, because so many men, like it started with Corey's husband. She was like, Ham insists on getting the J&J because he only wants to go once. I'm like, that is the all in one body wash for men is the J&J vaccine. They're like, I'm only going once. I can't be out here getting two shots. You want to take us out with these last ones?

Okay. Oh my gosh. Added a second pillow to his bed, still waiting on a thank you from his new girlfriend. She thanks you. We trust us on that. Bedding kitchen dishes, utensils, a library and adopt kit because he was using Ziploc bags for toiletries. At least he was putting him in something.

I have travel with guys. They just throw it in the bag. That is crazy. You cannot date that person. That person's life is a mess. I went on a trip with an ex. He had his laptop in his duffel bag that he checked. No.

Raw dog, no case. He threw his laptop in his bag and checked it. That person doesn't care about nothing. You cannot date that person. That person got the J&J. All right. Oh, the cargo shorts came up so much, you guys. like overwhelmingly cargo shorts jorts dad sandals Walmart jeans shorts five inches below his knees

flip flops cat shirts swim trunks free band t-shirts all gone was that all one person no it was a huge list of women we have um core other our other friend core i have two like close girlfriend named corey her now husband used to wear jorts like actually no i think he wore him once and we never let her forget it he wore him in 05 but he did like him and she said she said she She kept trying to hide him and he would catch her. And he was like, I see what you're trying to do. You're saying, you're in a jort. Matt Houseltine can pull off a jort.

Matt Hustleton is 6'20. He can pull off anything you want. Okay. And then the last one, she says, I upgraded his whole life just by being in it. Go off, girl. And then this next set actually surprised me because I didn't think people would interpret it like this,

like this. And I'm so glad they did about how they upgraded for themselves. So X was living with his mom. New Bay just bought a house. First guy wouldn't eat pussy. new guy feasts. Yes. I love these two height-themed ones. Went from 5-4 to 6-4, a whole foot of upgrade, baby. I love it. Because Ashley and I are not height us and neither are our audience, upgraded from a 6-4 douchebag athlete to a 5-foot-8

king that loves me more than life. She's like, I physically downgraded and that I upgraded and that I love when you guys talk about a short king. I love like memes about short king. So you got a really funny. I just, I love to see it. Okay. Oh, God, okay. Upgraded from the younger brother to the older brother and better dick. I don't know if I recommend it. Christmas is awkward. Okay.

From a boy who didn't know how to make me come to a man that doesn't stop until I squirt. Okay, wow. My ex was a short white dude who did like upholstery for church benches. Oh. He did like upholstery for church benches and literally wore jerseys every day. Is that what you wear to upholstered church benches? Apparently. He's like Kobe.

RIP though. And my boyfriend now is a tall black and handsome man who is an air traffic controller from Miami and treats me like a queen. He's perfect. I have seen a good looking air traffic controller on my hand before. I love to see it. They can work those arms. They're like, get going. I just, you know why I'm so proud of our audience.

I'm always talking proud of them. It's like they read this and they were like, I'm not trying to upgrade a man. I will also upgrade for myself. Yes. We love when you guys know when to work. on somebody and trying to make your lives better and then want to just cut your fucking losses to run. To let me say it.

Throw the whole man out. Throw the whole man out. That's part of the life cycle too. Throw them out. Let's some other girl dig through the trash. Let's play that game one week. Throw the whole man out. Yeah.

That's not an original. That was one from one of our listeners on our episode dating as a woman of color. And she just said all these things about throw the whole man out. So, okay. Well, either way. Thank you guys for your input. Yeah. We love you guys. You guys are, you're all brilliant queens.

Oh, you know, people choice. Brilliant queens? Short kings. Can you some short king? A short king can eat pussy. I feel like that's across the board. Well, what else were they doing growing up? They weren't getting pussy. Learning how to eat pussy? Yeah. Some guys like, God damn it. Everyone's hitting a gross bird. I'm 5-2. He's like, I'm already down by it. I got a book on Conalengus. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay, guys. That is it for this episode. You guys know where to find everything you need on us.

and that's at Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Tampa and Orlando, where we'll see you this week. We can't wait. Follow us on Instagram, Girls Got Eat Podcast. Follow Raina at Raina. at Greenberg.

Follow me at Ash Hess. We are Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we'll see you next Monday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.